When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - ITMOAM: Toxic Relationships Edition

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

Jax Taylor returns for another very honest edition of IN THE MIND OF A MAN! Are you addicted to chaos? What do you do when the attraction is gone? Has Jax ever had a truly platonic female friendship? How long should you wait for a text back before getting upset? What does it really mean when a guy you're dating criticizes you? And what little trick did Jax used to do on his first dates?  We have deals for you!! Quince: Get cozy in high-quality wardrobe essentials! Go to Quince.com/jb for free shi pping on your order and 365-day returns! G-Defy: Need comfy sneakers? Use "Realityhits" for $20 off orders of $100 or more at GDefy.com  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How you doing, everybody? It's Jackson. I'm back with another episode of In the Mind of a Man, toxic relationships edition. So the feedback on the last series about why some men behave the way they do was surprisingly great. We got a lot of messages asking to do another episode. And I'm just kind of, I'm glad I found a spot here where I'm able to make, well, take some of my shitty behaviors and actually help out, help out. some people. So even if it's just a couple of you, I'm really glad that this is, that you guys are tuning in to all this and, you know, making me like my job a little more. Maybe I'm like I said, maybe I can help some people out. So anyway, I did some research since the last episode. And by research, I mean, you know, going through TikTok and Instagram. And for some reason, my entire algorithm now is

flooded with relationship and dating advice, dating videos. And what I'm noticing is that so many people are posting, you know, well, I don't, I don't know about, maybe I'd say about 90, 95% of the people are posting these, these TikTok videos that, you know, are accepting, and even wanting completely toxic relationships. And we're going to get into this in a second because I feel like, I feel like everybody kind of, obsesses over toxic relationships. And like I said, we'll get into this a second. But I'm seeing a lot of these videos offering advice, which is really weird to me. You know, the top three things to do to make him obsessed with you. I mean, that's, that was the title of one of the, of one of the videos. You know, if he ghosted you, do these five things that will have him crawling back. I mean, these are the,

these are the things that people are saying. And, you know, I read a lot of them and some of them are true and some of them are not. I mean, it really depends on the person. It depends if it's male or female. It's just wild to me that people are now going to TikTok and giving their advice unsolicited advice, really, but it's actually kind of humorous too. You know, I've been out of the dating game for so long. So this is like all new to me. I mean, the dating game was so much different, you know, before I got married. And actually before, you know, even when I started dating Brittany, I mean, the game has changed like incredibly. I feel like, dating is like become like a business i feel like it's almost like first dates are like interviews it's

just weird and i'm also i'm new to ticot and it's like an entirely different world to me i'm like another social media platform that i honestly don't need but you know my friends keep sending me all these tic ticc and i can't get in unless i join so i took the plunge and i finally joined ticot um and by the way i'm like i said i'm finally on ticot so look for me i'm verified uh because there's so many so many fake accounts using my name. So if you're on TikTok and you want to give me a follow, please do. My name is at Mr. Jack's Taylor 11. I know if something you're going to be like, why does you have the 11 after your name? Because somebody took my name already. And, well, unless I get a hold of this guy and I guess ask him to give it to me or I have to pay him,

this is what it's going to be for a while. So that's the one that's verified. So look for the checkmark and make sure you're following the right one. So guys, I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this. Okay, so for the life of me, I really can't understand some of these TikToks that I'm seeing that go completely viral with millions of views. Okay, so here's an example of one that I was watching. And, you know, she's actually kind of funny. So this TikTok video by Jamie Aden, she got over 400,000 views. And it's a photo, and I'm going to quote you got, I'm going to give this quote.

It's a photo of her with a quote that reads, what it feels like when I want a stable relationship. but I'm only attracted to toxic people. So I try to find someone healthy, but then I get bored without the emotional highs and lows. So, okay, so let's break this down a lot. I wanted to talk about this because I found it really, really interesting. You know, the statement that really kind of hit me, you know, is, I think, well, it hit me, you know, being attracted to toxicity. And that, like, I know a lot of people that are attracted to toxicity. I think a lot of women are attracted to toxicity.

I think they just get bored. I think it's just more, I don't know. I just think they get bored in relationships and they love the chaos. I think they like to thrive on chaos. So, I mean, I've been guilty of it too, you know. So let's dissect this and I'll tell you how I feel about this. So tell me if I'm wrong. But I think I'm right by saying that the majority of us ultimately want to find, you know, our person.

a happy, secure, beautiful relationship, you know, with a partner, you know. But once they find that, and like I said, this happens to me, this happened to me all the time. Many people get, you know, bored, you know, and then they gravitate to, you know, toxic partners where, like, the relationships are like utter chaos, you know, disruptive. I think women or even men, you know, we get comfortable in relationships and you're just kind of like, You want to self-sabotage it to make things a little chaotic. Like I said, people thrive in chaos. And I am definitely one of those people.

I don't think I've had a relationship personally that didn't have some sort of chaos, you know. I feel like the highs and the lows, it's like, it's almost like a dopamine hit. It's like jumping in a cold plunge, you know. You get so used to the emotional ups and downs and, you know, things are perfect. And then the next day you're living in chaos. I can't, you know, I don't want to get into my personal life, but that's exactly what I'm living in now. And I'm not even in a relationship anymore. And, you know, I don't know how to handle it. I don't even know how to handle normal. Like, I get anxiety. I get stir crazy. It's a dopamine hit. It's like jumping into coal punch, like I said. So, you know, there's, you get, you get so, well, I did anyway. You get so, you know, used to these emotional ups and downs and, and,

One day things are perfect. The next thing you're living in chaos, like I said, that's kind of what I'm going through right now with my relationship. And I don't even know how to handle normal anymore. Like when it's normal and there's nothing going on, I get so restless. Like I'll do, I'll pace around my house. I just feel like when things are going too good for me, I self-sabotage. Like I get so, it's almost like I worry more when things are going really, really well,

whether that's in my job or that's in my relationship, I get anxiety like, even though that's the way it's supposed to be, you're supposed to be doing well and making the right decisions. I feel the need to fuck it up somehow. That's just, I've always been that way. And, you know, I'm still doing that. I'm still learning how to just deal with being alone and being like in a good place. Like I said, I thrive in this chaos. So I kind of, I kind of get where some of these people are coming from. I saw a real yesterday by another person called The Words of Jay. And his post really, really kind of stuck with me. I want to share it with you guys.

So I'm going to quote this a little bit. It said, your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell rather than an unfamiliar heaven. Your nervous system is actually connected to the trauma that you've been used to. It stores that trauma so your nervous system will protect you by keeping it comfortable. Comfort is the familiar hell, which is that's so true. Uncomfort and pressing through the unknown. Even the scary is the unfamiliar heaven. That's really deep.

And it's basically what I just said. And it's, I don't understand it. I don't get why it's so hard. You should want to be comfortable. You should want to be less stressed. And I think, you know, I just, I have, I personally have an uncomfortable time dealing with, with normal and no stress. I just been so used to it that I, that's all I know anymore. You know, I like to do things that, you know, make me scared.

I like to take the step to the other side because it's the only way, I'm sorry, you have to take the step to the other side because it's the only way that you'll get better. And like I said, it's really tough. And I thought it would be easy. And, you know, when I have to reprogram myself. And at my age, that's really, really hard to do. So I've actually learned a lot about this in terms of myself while I was doing therapy like in the facility because I had to like, they broke me down. tried to restructure me. Now, I was only in there a month, and I still have a lot of work to do, and I barely scratched the surface. But, you know, my therapist told me that I'm actually,

like I said, I'm addicted to the chaos. Like, I need chaos. I need a lot going on. I thrive on it because I don't know how to be normal. I don't know how to be comfortable because I've been used to this for so long, you know, a large, you know, a large portion of my therapy was like understanding why I do this and, you know, I need to, you know, learn how to be comfortable and how to be calm. For instance, this morning, like, you know, I got up this morning. I did a really good podcast. You know, I went to bed early.

I had a great breakfast. I came home, cleaned up a little bit, you know, right before this podcast. And things were just, I got a couple good phone calls, a couple good emails. And I'm feeling really positive about it. But like, it's deep down inside. I'm getting anxiety because this is normal. This is how it's supposed to be. And anyway, personally, I think for me, I've been living such a crazy lifestyle since my early

20s. That's kind of when I left, you know, my house and I kind of went on this like, you know, I was traveling different cities. I was traveling for modeling. I was, you know, I was living, you know, Miami, Chicago, New York, Europe. And I was dealing with like so many highs and so many lows. of rejection in this industry because 90, I would say I've been living here, I've been living in LA since 2005. And everybody will tell you this, 90% of your, 90% of my auditions, you're not going to get.

You got to remember, it's a town of rejection. Like, you've been a big fish in a small pond, your whole life living in different cities. That's why I was in Michigan. That's the way, you know, I did really well in Chicago. And then, you know, you move to like New York or L.A. And now guess what? Everybody's good looking. Everybody's talented. And now you're competing versus a lot of people.

And it's, it sucks because it's, you get a big, you know, reality hit. And then, of course, obviously being on reality TV for, you know, the past 12 years, I don't really think I have to explain all the chaos and destruction and, you know, turbulence I've gone through in that. But, you know, like I said, I created it all myself. You know, it's not like anybody did anything to me. Anyway, so chaos and unpredictability have essentially been my entire life. Well, yeah, yeah, I'd say, yeah, for at least, well, at least the last 20 years.

You know, I think when I left home, it's kind of when it became really, really chaotic. And, you know, while it was happening, you don't really realize what a toll it's actually taking on you mentally. Like you're going through this, and as soon as, you know, your body and your mind is getting used to all this and you know you don't really hit it you don't really realize until you hit rock bottom now I've hit rock bottom you know a couple times but I don't think I've hit it as hard um as I did recently as I did this year the other the last time I hit you know this rock bottom was actually twice you know when you know I wasn't on banner pump anymore that was a pretty low in my life you know I

lost my job and you know COVID was coming I was stressed out my wife was pregnant and the last time and the time before that was when my father died I took it really really bad and I went into a serious serious hole and then obviously right now you know I'm going through a divorce and you know I didn't take it very well and I spiraled and that's kind of why I had to you know go to a facility and kind of just like reevaluate myself you know I needed time to reflect on myself and and and and, you know, just try to become more clear-minded. So, yeah, so I think many, many people are, you know, similar in the sense and are drawn emotionally to these types of relationships.

You know, even friendships, partners, you know, people you work with, and it's really not healthy. I think it's important to really, you know, ask yourself, how do I feel day to day in these relationships, you know, check yourself, you know, if you get comfortable and you start to like want to self-sabotage. Maybe, yeah, sit down and talk to yourself, maybe go meditate. You may even talk to somebody else. If you feel like yourself is spiraling, talk to a friend.

You know, and like ask yourself, does this relationship and this person I'm with make me feel good? Or are you just doing it to be content or doing it because, you know, that's what society says. You're supposed to meet a man. You're supposed to meet a woman, get married and have kids. And that's just the norm. And I think that's what happened to me. And don't get me wrong.

I love Brittany very, very much, and we had an amazing, you know, a relationship. Yes, we had our ups and downs. But, you know, I felt like maybe, I don't know, I just felt like it was the norm. You get married, you have kids, and, you know, you settle down, and that's just what you're supposed to do. But I don't know if I don't know if I was entirely ready to get married. The thing was is we were engaged. we weren't even engaged that long.

I asked Brittany to marry me, and then I would like to say, I can't remember exactly how long. She started planning the wedding right away. So, mind you too, we were also on the show. We were filming and we wanted to have the wedding on the show. So it was a tiny bit rushed. You know, we didn't even go on a honeymoon. You know, I don't think we really embraced our relationship, embraced our, you know, getting married, embraced being fiancés. I think that was maybe a little rushed.

I'm trying to like dissect my where it went wrong and I think some of the things I wish we would have maybe went to couples counseling. I wish we would have went to, you know, counseling before we got married. You know, if we would have got married in the Catholic Church, we would have had to go to counseling. So I don't know, there's little things here and there that, you know, I wish I would have done differently. But, you know, does this, you know, does a relationship in the person you with, do they make you feel good, happy, secure, you know, calm in your own skin. You know, do we bring out the best in each other? Are you constantly fighting for, you know, for those, you know, fleeting moments when things are good? But 95% of the time you're, you know, walking on eggshells or holding your breath.

Now, I think when you break it down like that and you really, you know, take a step back and look inside your relationship from a, you know, a different perspective, the answer is really right in front of you. But you really got to, you really got to look at it. You can't just go through the motions. You've got to cut the cycle of toxicity. I hope I'm saying the right. Toxicity. Go to therapy, you know, learn the tools, find enjoyment and comfort, you know, and the peace and being in calm.

Maybe, you know what? Maybe being in a relationship is not for you at the moment. Maybe you need to be comfortable in your own skin before you get into a relationship. And I think for me, and if I'm diving into even before, Brittany, I don't think I was ever comfortable in my own skin. And I think for me personally, I'm a very codependent person, and I think I just needed to be in a relationship. I needed to have somebody.

And I just, I've always had somebody. I've always had a girlfriend. So it's really weird for me to be alone. Hey, Ontario. Come on down to BedMGM Casino and check out our newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show.

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While we're on the topic of toxicity, I don't want to get off track here. Another thing I discovered recently through my research on TikTok, because I'm now a huge TikToker, and on Instagram is how guys, well, and girls, are leaving their, I guess, okay, there's situationships, which we talked about before and we'll get into later, there's situationships, which is just another new term for me on quote unquote delivered or even worse on red. I've done this. And not only that, I've learned now that they're like, again, you guys know I'm not really tech savvy, but I learned that you can take red off your phone so you can delete the red.

they don't even know if you're looking at it. Yeah, I've done that actually recently with some people, but I won't get into that. So, you know, essentially someone not responding back to your text in a timely matter is it can be annoying, right? It can, you know, it can be, it can drive you crazy. So I want to break down some of these stages and what I personally think this can mean coming from, well, of course, a guy's perspective because we're calling this in the mind of a man, right? So here's my perspective.

And again, guys, this is just my opinion. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not giving any advice. I'm just kind of, you know, this is what this is what I take out of this. So, a guy not responding to your text and leaving you on delivered, delivered must be an Android thing because for me, it's red. I was looking up the different things, a phone say, different types of phones, what they say if you get the message and delivered, I must have been an Android thing. But for iPhones, for us iPhone users, the majority of us, it's on red. So, okay, here we go. This is how. how I broke it down. So 10 to 15 minutes or under, okay, completely acceptable and respectful,

I think, in my opinion, the guy wants to converse with you. And I don't really see a problem with this 10 to 15 minutes because, yes, we're all on our phones all the time, but there is the occasional time where you're at work or you're at the gym and you put your phone down. Those are the only times I really put my phone down, let's be honest. And I hate to admit it. But yeah, when I'm at the gym, you know, or, you know, I'm running outside to get the mail or maybe I'm running to somebody I'm talking. Those are the times we don't have our phone and that's the time sometimes, you know, it's the under 10 to 15 minutes. So we get into the hour, hour plus. Okay, so an hour or longer is a long time because let's be honest, you know, however, I mean, let's be honest, we're all on our

phones. I don't care what you say. You can be like, no, I'm not. You never not checking your phone within an hour. I've never met anybody in my life who hasn't had their phone in their hand at all times or in their back pocket or not checking it, like even once, even if it's just like for business or whatever, you're on your phone. It's just the way the world is. However, there could be a good reason for this, for the, you know, over an hour. Maybe they were in a meeting. Maybe there was a doctor's appointment. Like I said, at the gym. If they have like a valid reason and respond back like, that they've been somewhere, then I guess that's understandable. And, well, I mean, depending on you, we should, we should accept that.

I guess it depends on the person. So now I broke it into five to eight hours. This is where it gets really tricky. So if you're still not getting a response back and it's now been, you know, five to eight hour mark, I'm not having a good feeling about this guy. Okay, five to eight hours. I've never in my life have gone five to eight hours unless, unless I lost my phone. I mean, that's the only time I can think of I've ever gone that long.

I honestly don't know a single person that doesn't check their phone for that long. And all it takes is literally a second to respond back to someone, especially, especially if you're into them. So chances are they're likely just not into you and probably texting with another girl of one of their roster girls. And I hate to tell you guys this, and this is embarrassing. But like I said, we're going to get raw on here and you're going to hear things that you don't like. But I'm going to be honest with you. that is exactly what that is. He's just not into you or he's seeing what his options are.

If this happens like on a Friday night, a Thursday night, a Saturday night, he's definitely making plans, right? He's watching football with the boys. He's finding out, is he going to go out with the boys tonight? Is this other girl going to call him back first? And if this other girl doesn't call him back, then he'll go to you. He's just kind of weighing out his options. And that's what I think.

That's what, I mean, that's what most people don't. I mean, I think that's what all. guys do. They just are weighing out their options. They want to see what's going on first. And especially if you're really not, I guess if you're really not into the girl too much, that could also, you know, possibly happen. That's definitely a red flag. So anyway, here we go to 24 hours plus. That is just a huge red flag and you need to write them off. You know, any guy or girl that leaves you on red or delivered for a full day, unless there's some kind of crazy story, like they got rushed to the hospital or their dog died. And they honestly, I mean, really, honestly, even if the dog died, they still have their phone on them, right? Like,

even if you go to the hospital, you still have your phone on you because you're calling people, it's an emergency, right? They could text you back saying, listen, my dog died. There's really, there's really no excuse, really. They should be out. You know, they should be dead to you, you know, frigate about them and just move the fuck on. So why I leave some people on red and others on delivered. So I recently, and my friends will yell at me about this, and you know who I do this a lot to do is my manager and my publicist when I don't want to get back to them. And they're going to listen to this and they're going to be pissed.

But I recently realized that you can turn off the red. And the reason I do this, I mean, if it's for a girl, because I want to leave my options open. And I don't want to get back to them right away. I don't want to sound too needy. So I think a lot of guys kind of give a little bit of a grace period. They don't want to respond right away because it's kind of not cool. I guess, quote unquote, cool. You want to give it a little bit.

You want to have a little bit of a chase. You don't want to respond right away because then you're like, okay, that's a little too eager. You've got to read it from her side of you, too. She wants you to wait a little bit because she wants a little bit of the chase. So that's me. That's what I think. All right, now let me get in some other questions. When is it the appropriate amount of time to sleep with a guy and still keep them interested

in you? This is a tough one. I think it depends on a lot of things. If I was a girl and I saw a guy like myself coming your way, I would stay far away from me. I'm going to get myself in trouble from me from this because now people are going to see me and just judge me like crazy. But, you know, when it comes to romance, yeah, stay far, far away. way. If you want to hang out, cool, in a group setting, sure. But, you know, no going back to

the guy's home, that's for sure, not right off the bat anyway. Just hang out in group settings, you know, as far as romantically, you know, no, give the guy a little bit of a chase. Don't give it up right away. I know that's hard, you know, because sometimes you like the guy and you want to go home with them and, you know, you just want to have fun. And then you end up being like, fuck, what did I do? You know, and then, oh, my God, is he going to call me? And yeah, there's just, yeah, there's just a lot of red flags there if you just, if you sleep with them too early.

But it's really a judgment call. It really depends on what you're looking for. Now, if you're looking for just a hookup, yeah, go right ahead. But if you're looking for, like, you know, some romance and a relationship, you got to hold back. And give him a little chase. Like, make it a little hard for him. Don't respond to his calls right away. Like, play a little hard to get.

Guys like that. I know me. I like it when, you know, there's a little bit of a chase or, you know, she doesn't show me all the attention. Maybe she's a little mean or she's really short. One word answers, one word replies on texts. Oh my God, that drives me freaking crazy. So I bet best friends, okay, here's another question. I've been best friends with my best guy friend for years. I am madly in love with him. What do I do? Is it possible for guys and girls just to be platonic friends? I don't think that's possible. I honestly, honestly don't,

and this is going to get me in trouble too. Maybe in the beginning, I would say yes. And when I say the beginning, like the very, very beginning, because, I don't know, because the guy's usually going to want to have,

and he's not going to be open, like that open to tell you everything because he wants to keep the option over to, he wants to keep the option open to sleep with you. You know, he, it's so hard to put, like, you watch these movies and these guys, these rom-coms, right? And they all have these guys with these girls, right? And they're all best friends.

And what happens? Usually by the end of the movie, they fall in love with each other or they hook up. And, you know, that's usually what happens. But I just honestly don't think it's possible. Now, I hate to say this, and like I said, this is going to be bad. But every time that I've had a girl that's been a friend, I eventually slept with them. And I mean, one girl was my friend for shit for three, four years. And we were literally, she thought I was disgusting.

But we were best friends. Like she, this is back in my playboy days, like in my 20s. This is like when I was 25, 26, 27. And I actually lived with a couple girls, but they knew how I was. They knew I was a partier. I was a playboy. I was, you know, always going after different girls. So they didn't look at me like that.

But years later, I ended up. up sleeping with her. I really, really did. And yeah, so I've never, I've never had a female friend that I didn't really sleep with. I'm trying to rack my brain here. I don't think I've ever have. No. So no. So I don't think it's possible to answer your question. How do I find out if a guy I'm seeing, when I said seeing, I guess gone on three amazing dates. I guess is that categorizes seeing somebody going on three dates? And like, who says that you're seeing each other? That's another question I have.

So how do I find out if the guy I'm seeing, quote unquote, been on three amazing dates? I don't know if that categorizes as seeing somebody. I guess that's all relative. It's talking to more girls than just me. Now, you should just fucking ask. That may turn a guy off, though, you know, on three dates. If you're like, holy shit, it's only been three dates. and you're already asking if I'm seeing other girls, that might deter some guys.

I don't know. If it was me and she asked, I would be like, holy shit, this girl wants a relationship. So I guess it's all, you've got to read the situation, I think. Consistency, too. If a guy's in view, he's saying good morning. He's calling you after work. He's talking about future plans. He's consistent.

You know, he wants to get together with you. He wants to spend time together. he's texting you. You know, when he's not into you, he's not, you know, consistent. So he's not showing a lot of interest. Again, he's, you know, I'm going back to, he's keeping his options open. So here's another one. Question number five.

So I had an incredible date with the guy. We made out before he dropped me off, said he can't wait to see me again, and he's left me on red all day now. Why? Help. Oh, again, I mean, this is kind of similar to the other one. Um, it really depends. Like, some guys are different in this.

Like, if he responds right away, um, maybe he's doing it like he doesn't want to seem like he's needy. Um, maybe he's kind of playing the game. A lot of guys like to play the game. The whole game of it is, is kind of the fun part. It's a toxic trait. And a lot of young guys, well, a lot of old guys do it too. They kind of just, you know, want to leave it alone the next day because they want the

girl to chase. They want the girl to be a little eager. But then again, it's a tricky situation, because if you're too eager, then that's a turnoff as well. So I would let it go. If this were me, if I were you, I would let it go. You made out after a date. I mean, you know, I kissed a lot of people, too, I'm not calling them back. I don't think kissing is a really big deal. Funny, fun fact, you know what I like to do when I go on dates? I kiss them right off the bat. No joke. The last, I want to say three or four dates, I've kind of just thrown for a loop. If you kiss the person, like right off the bat, especially if you were like, say you were like texting each other for a while before you've gone on the date.

Like for me, before I've been on a date, I would like get a hold of the girl and we've been texting for like three or four days, right? And we're planning the date. So now we have a good rapport. And I've gone in for it right off the bat. Like when I picked up a girl, I would just grab her face and kiss her. It gets that like nervousness out of the way for me. it's the dates have been so much better if you kiss them right off the bat.

Now, that may scare some guys away if you just go up and kiss them like that. But as for a guy and taking that initiative and just, you know, planting one right away, I haven't had a problem with it yet. Again, I haven't done it in 10 years. But it throws them off, but it really makes the date more comfortable. Like, you're more relaxed and it almost seems like you've been dating a while. So there's a little thing for you, a little hint. I mean, it's worked for me.

I don't know. What are the biggest red flags women need to look out for in men? Again, this is my opinion and this is what I think. So if he tells you, he wants to keep his options open, that's a big one. If he wants to conceal, all right, he wants to keep away his friends from you, from meeting your friends. He only wants to hang out with you at his house. He goes out of his way to avoid PDA. A lot of guys do that. especially if they're like around their friends or there's around other girls. If he's avoiding PDA in front of other girls, that's a huge red flag. Especially if he's already giving it to everywhere else, but if there's other girls around, he doesn't do it.

Yeah, you might want to, you might want to end that. If he hides things from you, here's another one, a big one, and you should know this right off the bat. If he still loves his ex-girlfriend, that's kind of something you want to find out in the beginning when you're kind of on the first three dates is get to know how long their last relationship with. was, you know, because you can technically be a rebound, you know, you can technically still love his girlfriend. He's just going through the motions and trying to keep his mind occupied by going out with you. So get that out out of the way quickly. Find out when he dated somebody last, how long relationship was, what went wrong. You know, I know it's a lot to ask in the beginning, but I would wait to like date two or three and kind of get a little bit of a background on

his dating because then you can really save yourself a lot of time. in trouble. Keeping them close, but far enough away, you know, giving him hope. And this kind of goes along with breadcrumming. We got into that last week where, you know, again, this guy is kind of keeping his options open. He's got a roster. And we keep going back to the word roster because a lot of guys like to keep their options open. But they also want to keep you around in case the other girls are busy that night. So you can kind of tell when he's doing that, a guy criticizing you on everything. Now, if he starts criticizing you on everything, that's because he's too much of a pussy to break up with you. That's why he wants you to break up with him.

That's the only reason I can think of that one when a guy criticizes you. He's too much of a pussy to break up with you and he doesn't know how to do it. So he's waiting for you to end it. Then he can blame it on you. That's exactly what that means. I haven't done that. Obviously, I've gotten arguments with my wife on things, but that's over time. That's over years.

but if he's doing that right off the bat, yeah, that's just a, that's a really bad sign. What are the best compliments to give a guy? Oh, my gosh. This is such a good one. And I talked about this. And I don't want to get too much into, I'll just say my relationships, you know, what I like. I'm not a material person. I don't need things.

What I need, what makes me feel good. And again, this could be wrong. But, you know, boost his ego, boost my ego. Make him make me feel good about myself. I think what a woman, now, if you're in a relationship and you make your man feel good about himself, if you, you know, and it should go, it should go both ways. Obviously, it really depends if you're married or if you're, you know, but if you just started dating somebody, you know, make him feel good.

If you want them around and you want to hook them, I guess you can say, is make him feel good about himself. When I was married, it was the little things. It was, I like when I get up in the morning. and there's notes left. I like text messages saying, you know, how are you doing today? I miss you. What do you want to do for dinner? I'm thinking about, you know, cooking dinner tonight, but do you want to go out. You look good today. Like, get interested in the things that he likes, even if it doesn't, you know, interest you. If he likes a certain sport, if he likes a certain TV show, you know,

do your research. If you want to do the work, do your research on all this stuff and find out, find out what he likes. It goes a long way. I'm telling you guys the little things like the note, and the text messages. If you're in a relationship, it might be a little too much in the beginning, in the very beginning of relationship, but if you're in a relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, married,

do these things. I'm telling you, it is life-changing and it makes your day so much better, especially if you get an argument. Say you got an argument the night before and the next day, you know, I'm sorry. I was wrong or you don't even if he was wrong, you can just say, I'm sorry, let's squash this,

let's move on, life's too short, or let's go grab dinner tonight and, you know, and forget about what happens, stuff like that. You know, because like I said, life is too short. And pick and choose your battles. Really, really pick and choose your battles. If it's something that's not going to change the world, don't fucking bring it up. Don't argue about it.

You know, maybe store it in the back room. I think a lot of girls do this. They store a lot of stuff if they don't, and they'll bring it up later. And they'll bring up something from like 10 years ago. But like I said, don't hold on to things. And like I said, pick and choose your battles. Because a lot of guys are just, you know, they get frustrated. A lot of guys make stupid mistakes.

So I've been married for six years, having an affair with a colleague in my office who was also married. I love my wife, but I also feel really attached emotionally and physically to my colleague. Any advice? Okay. Obviously, there's a chase to this. You know, it's, this is, as soon as, okay, this is how I'm going to break this down. There's a chase to this. The fact that it's risky, that's the excitement of it.

In my opinion, that's half of it right there. That's 50% of why people do this because it's risky. It's dangerous. It's, you're living on the edge. It's like a ticking time bomb. Like, you never know if someone's going to find out. You know, like, for instance, you know, Sanneval, right? He's been having this affair for, I don't know the exact amount of time, but he's had the affair for a long time.

What happened? As soon as everybody found out, they were done. It wasn't fun anymore. They weren't getting away with it. So, you know, it was very, you know, the high of the riskiness and the, and the, having an affair is very, very short-lived. It's a ticking time bomb. There's going to be a time where it's going to explode.

There's never going to be a time where they're not going to find out. Like, it's just, it's going to happen. The world is too small. There's social media. There's cameras. People love to talk. It's just, it's not a good idea. It's very dangerous.

And it can cause a lot of problems, especially if you're married. My God, if you're married going through this, do guys instantly write back to a text without giving much? thought to a new girl they are seeing or do they methodically wait to make them crazy and wanting more we see do guys instantly write back to a text without giving much thought to the new girl okay this okay this depends on the situation i i play both of these okay if she's a normal girl i don't play those kind of games if it's a girl that knows she's super hot and knows you know that all the guys want her then i'm definitely more strategic and you can you can tell the the guys can tell the girls that

are like that. Girls can tell the guys, especially if you've scoped out their Instagram, you've done a deep dive, you can tell the girls that are, you can tell the girls that, you know, that you got to play a little different game with as opposed to, you know, other girls. Okay, here we, here's number, number 12, sorry. Dates for a few weeks, then he ghosted for a week and randomly texted like nothing ever happened. Do I see him again? What do I say to him? Do I call him out? You should definitely, definitely call him out. I've done this many, many times. Again, we're going back to the old thing. There's a roster. There's another girl that he was interested in before he met you. He was playing that situation out. Maybe it didn't go right for him. So that's why he was leaving you kind of,

I don't want to say on the red, but he was leaving you dangling because he kind, or maybe he liked both of you and he kind of wanted to see if he could play both of you at the same time. Maybe she went on vacation. So now you're available. There's a lot of different reasons, but I definitely done this and yet you should call him out. Like I think if I was a girl, I would call his ass out. And, you know, it depends on how you feel. If you want to give him a chance, great. But, you know, I've dealt with both. I've had both responses. I've had girls, you know, be like, oh, it's fine or whatever or get over it. They give me a little bit of hard time about it. I can't remember if a girl ever said, yep, too late. I don't think that's ever happened to me, to be honest. I think

most girls just be like, it's fine, or they're just like, you know, they'll crack a joke and whatever. Okay, so I'm currently being ghosted by a guy. I really like, how do I deal? This is an awful. I'm heartbroken. He made me feel like I was the one. Oh, Jesus.

Again, oh, I hate to admit this, but I've done this. I've done this, especially in my youth. It's, again, like, and I don't know if I'm going to get myself trouble to saying this, but guys tell girls what they want to hear. they you know a guy's not going to tell a girl you know be off cold because guess what you're not going to sleep with them but if you if you tell her everything she wants to hear i want to meet your parents you're so beautiful let's go get dinner let's go away for the weekend he's love bombing you right there first of all that's love bombing which we learned last week and he wants to well he

wants to get in your pants so that is a very easy way to do that and a lot of girls i feel like the younger ones especially that don't have a lot of dating experience, they fall for this, hook, line, and sinker. They think they met the one. They think, wow, he's telling me all this. He really loves me. But, you know, you could be dealing with a con artist. You could be dealing with a player because that is a token player move right there.

If he's telling you this right off the get-go, this goes for any guy, any girl. If he's love bombing you date number two, three, whatever, that he's lying. He is completely lying and you should be a little concerned. Maybe call him out on it. Be like, are you serious? Okay, I want to try to start like a new movement here as we head into the 2025 season. So no more ghosting. Okay, guys, no more ghosting.

It's absolutely everywhere on my TikTok feed. And I can't believe how much this is still happening. You know, I've admitted it. I've done it before many, many times, probably too many times to count. But like I said, you know, from the start, if I can help any of you guys and any way not to make the same mistakes, you know, that I have. That's what we're trying to do here. So that's why I'm doing these episodes. Hopefully you guys can get some stuff out of this, you know, and yeah, hopefully you guys can get something out of us when you go on your next date.

So it takes five seconds, okay, to give a woman some clarity, right? Write this down if you need to. I had a lot of fun together, but I'm just not able to give you what you deserve right now, and I just want to be honest with you. I know it's hard to say this because I feel like I've gone back and forth with this doing what this with girls, but it's better to be honest. You'll feel better about yourself. And she might be mad, but she'll definitely respect you. And when you say this, you know, gosh, this is, it's just good to say this.

It's just the right thing to do. You're probably not going to go any further than that. But then again, there's some girls who would love this. Like now you're a chase, now you're a game, now you're a project for this girl. So, you know, I've had that too. I've been honestly, girls. I said, you know what? This is just not right for me.

Believe it or not, I've done this a couple times. And I've had women use this as a, ooh, I'm going to, now I'm going to get them. Now this is a game. Okay, so let's put an end. Okay, let's put an end here to ghosting. Women definitely deserve better than that. And as men, we need to uphold better character, you know, and be more responsive. be more respectful. You know, ghosting is really disrespectful. It's selfish. It's emotionally

immature. No matter what your age or situation, it's a terrible thing to do to any person. And let's please put a stop to it. I know ghosting is a new thing. And it's a new, well, it's not a really a new thing, but the word ghosting is. I literally just learned all this new terminology within the last month. And for women, ghosting is absolutely disrespectful. It's selfish. It's emotionally immature. No matter really what your age or or situation is, it's a terrible, terrible thing to do to any person. So try. No, I'm not going to say try.

I'm going to say put a stop to it, guys. It's just not the right thing to do. And for women, listen up here. I think you also need to ask yourselves, why are you crying over guys like this? Why are you giving men the power to destroy your day, destroy your self-esteem? They aren't worth it. Take back that power by doing something for yourself that makes you feel good. You know, go out with your friends, keep your mind occupied.

And the next time he comes crawling back, leave his ass on delivered. Leave his ass on red. You know, the biggest blow to a male's ego is literally making yourself unbothered by life. Trust me on this. When you're not, when you're unbothered, it drives guys crazy. It's happened to me. When you like a girl and she just doesn't give you the time of day, it drives me freaking nuts. They always say less is more, right?

And when you're fighting with somebody and you don't respond, how mad are you? Like, if I was fighting with Brittany and she does this sometimes to me when we were married, if I'm fighting with her, she won't respond. And that is more pissing, that pisses me off more than responding. Because you know you got them. When you respond, you know you got them, you know, you're hooking them. And you know they care about you. But if they're ghosting you, like not even responding, it drives me freaking crazy.

So here's another one. Sexting. Do guys like it? Absolutely freaking lootly. And I'm not sure. well, I don't know if we can get into this or not, but I've definitely been caught many times doing this. You know, there's, there's, there's some fun into it. It's fun.

It's foreplay. It's the new generation of foreplay, right? Because we all have our phones on us, right? You definitely text people before you go on dates with them, right? Say, for instance, you met a girl at a bar, you get her phone number, right? You met her on a Sunday. It's now Monday. You guys are talking.

You make plans to go on a date by Friday, right? So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, you're talking. talking, maybe you're having a couple drinks, maybe it's late at night, you start getting flirting, you're kind of breaking the ice for that Friday date. So you're kind of, you know, taking a chance and maybe asking them questions and what, you know, what do you like to do or what's, you know, maybe, you know, you can throw them off and ask them, you know, sexual things. It's been done and it kind of makes things a little bit more interesting. A guy I'm dating is suddenly pulling back. How do I handle this and get him back to being

obsessed with me again. Well, I think you went a little too fast too quickly, and I think probably you maybe gave it up a little too soon. I hate to say that, but that's probably what that is. Girls need to, like, pull back, you know, give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop being the, here's another one of those words. Stop being that pick me girl. You know, I don't know. That's my advice. I'm not attracted to my husband anymore. I love him, but I can't bring myself to be physical with him. Any advice. I do have advice. And you're not going to like this, but this is just the way it is. It's over. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it is over. If you can't be physically attracted to your husband, if you can't touch him, if you don't, it's over. It's over. And don't waste each other's time.

Don't go through the motions and just be like, hopefully we'll get it back again. If you're over it, If you're not attracted to them physically, you've got to end it. You've got to end it. Unless you're, what, 60 to 70 years old and maybe sex isn't important to you anymore? I don't know. But in my opinion, if you're not attracted to the other person and you can't bring yourself to give them any affection, it's freaking over. If you lose attraction, I'm sorry, it's over. If you lose attraction, there is really nothing more that you can do.

You know, it's over. Unless you're comfortable being in a roommates in a sexless marriage, I don't know who is. You know, but once you lose the intimacy, it's been too long. It's not something you can force. You can't force something like that. And then it becomes awkward, you know, in marriages and relationships, physical and emotional attraction goes hand in hand. When you're lacking the emotional and the physical is definitely impacted. Like you just can't, you just can't come back to that.

All right, the next one. We just started dating a couple months ago, and his birthday's coming up. What do I get him? I don't want to do too much, but I also want to impress him. For me, this is my opinion. This is what I would like. You know, call all his buddies, find out his favorite bar. If he likes a sport, maybe plan going to see a game.

Definitely contact one of his closest friends, aka, or, you know, slash best friend. Maybe that could do something. I think that's what I would like. If I was dating somebody and she called, like, you know, Tom Schwartz up and said, hey, I want to celebrate Jackson's birthday. I want to do something fun. And Tom would be like, oh, that's really cool. Why don't we go to his favorite bar and we'll all surprise him.

We'll get some pizza. Or, you know, maybe he would suggest, why don't you take him to a hockey game? That's what I would like. So that's what I suggest. What is it appropriate time to pass gas in front of your significant other? Jeez, six months a year. Never. If you want to keep the romance alive, if you want to have sex with your partner ever again, never.

Period. Point blank, period. Okay, trying to help my friend. Can you love your girlfriend and cheat and fall in love with another woman at the same time? He claims he loves both of them. Do you think it's possible? He actually loves them both. Or does the relationship, I'm sorry, or does he know the relationship is over with his girlfriend?

And that's why he went looking elsewhere. this is a scandal of all. This is a scandal of all situation because I think deep down inside, Tom loved Ariana. But I also think that their intimacy was gone for a very long time and they became roommates. Therefore, he wasn't man enough. And sorry, Tom, if you're listening to this, but this is the truth. He wasn't man enough to go to Ariana and be like, hey, listen, you know, we haven't been intimate in a while. I think it's time to, you know, to explore other options.

We're both young. We both deserve to be in relationships. We both deserve to have sex and move on. You need to tell your friend, like, I'm sure she's heard of Scandibald to say, look what happened with Tom and Ariana. This is the perfect, you know, example. You know, he's keeping his options open. And, you know, having sex with somebody else, it's, again, I've gotten this, I've said this before. This is called the Madonna syndrome.

and it's been in a lot of old movies. I think it's in Bridgeton. I think it's in the Tudors. I used to watch a show called The Tudors where these high-powered men, kings, princes, they would get married, right? They'd have their wife who they put on a pedestal, but then they would have their mistress,

their girlfriend, their girl that they would treat, you know, not right. Let's just to put it politely, not right. They would use them, abuse them, you know, take their aggression out on them, physically, sexually do things with them that they normally wouldn't do with their wife. That is called the Madonna syndrome. You know, the guy wants to have his cake and he wants to eat it too.

You know, he wants to keep his options open and he can't commit. That's really the problem. Okay, guys, that was great. I love for you to choose what topic you'd like me to discuss on the next episode of In the Mind of a Man. I hope you guys are liking this. I want you to DM me. Maybe I'll post a poll on Instagram, but I really, really enjoyed doing these episodes.

It's so much fun. I hope you guys enjoyed this. this and thank you guys for listening. I hope I helped a little bit. All right. Love you guys and we'll talk to you later.