When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - Our Pickers Are Broken: Laura Clery on Divorce, Recovery & Starting Over

Episode Date: July 24, 2026

This week, Brittany sits down with viral comedian and bestselling author Laura Clery to talk about everything behind the laughs. Laura shares the inspiration behind her new book, the realities of addiction and divorce, finding herself again after heartbreak, and why motherhood changed everything. Plus, the two connect over raising kids on the autism spectrum, navigating public scrutiny, and using comedy to survive life's biggest challenges.Please support the show by checking out our sponsors!K12: See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child’s full potential. Enroll online today at K12.com/brittanyTempo: For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners SIXTY PERCENT OFF your first box! Go to TempoMeals.com/REALITYHITSApartments.com: Discover Your New Home at apartments.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Back to when reality hits. I'm so excited because today I'm hanging out with the hilarious Laura Clary. You probably know her from her viral comedy videos, but she's also got a podcast, Idiot with Laura Clary and a brand new book called What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Hatter. And we're talking about everything from finding humor in life's toughest moments to motherhood starting over and how she became out stronger on the other side. Welcome, Laura. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to talk to you. I feel like we have a lot in common. That's what I hear. Yeah. Yeah. We actually do. Like whenever I was going through everything and learning about you more and doing all this stuff, I was like there are so many similarities.

So you have a five-year-old on the spectrum. Yes. I do. I have Cruz, the light of my life. He's five. He, you know, has autism. And you said your son was seven. Seven. He just turned seven in April. Yeah. April. Cruz is April 2. April 12th. Aw. Alfie's April 20th. Four 20. A little cute baby.

Yeah. And then have a five-year-old daughter. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So cute. You know, I don't have anybody in my wife that knows what it's like to raise a kid on the spectrum. Yeah. Like, at all.

Well, now you do. Yeah. I'm like, do we've just become best friends. No, yeah. No, seriously. Like, I would love a play date eventually or, you know, let's do it. Let's do it. I just, you know, starting the kindergarten and IEP plans and all that stuff.

It is so extremely different than anything I did. Yeah. Like, whenever I was younger in Winchester, Kentucky, we had, like, a couple elementary schools, but you just went to the one that was in your district. Yeah. You know, it was just, like, easy, you go. Yeah. And it is a completely different ballgame whenever you're dealing with a child in the spectrum

and fighting for their rights and fighting for them. And it's just been something that's been really difficult recently that I wasn't expecting. I know. It's like, I say it's like a full-time job. Oh, yeah. Like I don't know how we're working. Yeah. And just like, and you're a single mom too, right?

Yes. So that's another. Oh, another guy. Yeah. But like that girl. I know. It's just navigating that. It is so much.

I would love to pick your brain eventually after that kind of. that kind of stuff because it is not easy and the meaning like the whole school system like I don't know if you had issues like I did but yeah you know people just IEP plans and different stuff like I actually had an instance where when he was four because he went to a private a private preschool yeah and I was trying to get him an IEP plan to figure out what he was going to do whenever he actually started kindergarten because it's so different preschool yeah kindergarten in like actually elementary school. And I called whenever he was four.

And they literally told me that I had to wait until he was five to start his IEP plan. They were so rude to me on the phone. They completely misguided me. Yeah. He turned five in April. I immediately go back and I'm like, okay, ready to start his IEP plan two days later. And the other woman I talked to said that I was completely misled. Yeah.

And that they were probably overwhelmed and didn't have time to deal with. with another kid on the spectrum. Oh, no. And that broke my heart because it has to be happening to parents and children everywhere. Yeah. So these are things that I'm going to continue talking about and be very open about. And, you know, it's just been a different experience. Well, you can call me and vent to me.

And also, it's just good to have friends with kids on the spectrum because we just speak the same language. Yeah. And there's just, I'm always learning new things. Like there's this gym. I don't know if you've been called. We rock the spectrum. Oh my gosh. I literally just posted about it two days ago.

Yeah. We were just there two days ago. Yeah. So I would take my kids there all the time. Alfie now at seven has sort of grown out of it. Yeah. You know, he's like kind of bigger than the other kids and he's kind of like, I'm like, whoa, no, no, no. Yeah.

Not bullying, but a little bit like, get out of my way. Like I'm the king of this place. I'm like, no, you're not. Yeah. You know. But anyway, I would talk to other parents there and just learn things. Like this one mom was like, oh, yeah, I have my kid in me. music therapy and it's covered through regional center.

And I'm like, wait, what? Yeah. And then I got them and, you know. Yeah, there's so much stuff out there that people don't know about. And we learn as we go. We're doing the best that we can. That's so crazy because we literally just were at Rewalk the Spectrum and posting about it on Friday. Yeah.

And I was trying, anytime I find something like that, I want to share it with the, you know, autism community so that they can like look it out, check it out for themselves and speak about those types of things. Yeah. Because I feel like it's so important because people don't know. what's out there or available to them. I know. And it's just like, oh my God, the sign on the wall, the only place to come where you don't

have to say, I'm sorry. I'm like, yes. It is the best. It is the best. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Okay. Okay.

We're going to talk about the kids again. So let's get into your book a little bit more. Congratulations on the new book. What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Hatter. I love that title. Where did that come from? You know, we were just going back and forth on titles. me and my publishers, and I swear we went through like a hundred.

Now, this is my third book. My first book is called Idiot. My second book is called Idiots. Because it's like the first book was like how I went from a, you know, broke, suicidal drug addict to like sober and healthy and living a life beyond my wildest dreams. It's that transformation. Yeah. Just pretty cool. I'm called Idiot.

And then Idiots is like, it's me pregnant on the front. That's all the covers. They're all iconic. Yeah, and then the back is me. I was like, I want two photo shoots, one pregnant in the front, and then me with the newborn in the back, you know? Yeah. And so that was idiots.

And then I really wanted to keep the idiot theme going, but they were like, no, no, no. Like, we want this to be an entirely new thing. And so we just were going back and forth. And I think they pitched to me like, what doesn't kill you makes you weirder? And I was like, what about hotter? What doesn't kill you makes you hotter? And they were like, that's it. That's the title.

And I was like, okay, calm up. So, you know, just kind of that. It, you know, happened to, yeah, a lot of trial and error. But I think it's pretty fitting for what the book is. Yeah. I mean, it's amazing. And I love the photo and, like, the pink, hot pink dress. Very, like, pretty woman kind of, you know, which she was wearing the outfit.

It's, like, so good. And I love the dedication to your kids. Yeah. That's so sweet. For Alfie and Poppy, everything in these pages began with my love for you. Also, I will pay for you. also I will pay for your therapy. Yeah.

But like, also this is going to pay for your future therapy. After they read it. Why did now feel like the right time to tell your story? Well, it's funny. Four years ago when I separated from my ex, it was four years ago now, I remember like a few months in, I was like writing every day in my journal and I was like, you know, I think I want to write another collection of essays, another book on what it's like, to separate and go through a divorce, you know, that's kind of what I do. I'll turn my pain into

art. So I'm like, there's something here. I mean, 56% of people get divorced. Oh, my God, it's something like 80% of parents with special needs or kids get divorced. Now, don't quote me on that. It was like a TikTok video, so I don't know if it's true. But it's higher. But it's way higher. Yeah. I believe that. I believe it too. Because some people can handle it and some people can't. That's right. The stress is insane. So, yeah, so we, oh my God, what was the question? Oh, what inspired me to write it? While it at the right time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I reached out to them and I was like, hey, I want to write a third book about my separation and my divorce. And I thought it was going to be not like a fluff piece, but I just thought it was going to be, you know, funny and like, oh, co-parenting and blah, blah, blah. And then it just turned into this total shit storm. And I was writing it while it was happening. So I just wanted to write a book about separation and divorce and finding myself.

I had no idea where it was going. I sort of wrote the book in real time. And so I remember like halfway through, you know, my ex got back on drugs and became really unsafe. I had to get a restraining order. The kids and I didn't see him for over six months. And then on top of that, this entire book was also, or this entire thing was also public. Yeah.

It was just everything was online. You know, from the day that I said. said, hey, I want a separation. He was like, okay. And then I wake up to a bunch of phone calls and text the next day. Like, are you okay? Oh, my God. Is everything okay? And I'm like, what's going on? And then I look on YouTube and there's a video that he posted titled, I separated from my wife. Oh, he posted like people didn't find out through like TMZ or something. He did himself. Yeah. Wow. Because I think he was like out of his mind on drugs and just like I write about this a lot in the book that, you know, sobriety brought us together. And addiction really did terrible.

us apart and not just addiction to alcohol and drugs, addiction to fame, to money, to views. I know. I know what that feels like. You know. So do I. It's like, and that's the complex thing, too, is it's not just him that's a recovering addict. It's me too. You know, and though I didn't go back to drugs and alcohol, I'll have 15 years sober, God willing, on October 29th at the scene. Oh, amazing. Congratulations. Yeah. But even though I didn't go back to there, I definitely had cross-addictions throughout like to you know the views and the viral video and the money and the fame and the like you just kind of get high from it you know I've had other cross-addictions too like I had a cross-addiction to psychics for a minute you ever go to psychics oh I've been to

two girls twice in my life but not very many you were addicted to go to a psychic I went to like three last week it's like do things are they actually true No, they're grifters. Are you knowing that? I don't believe a word they say. Okay. Don't believe it. The entertainment I got.

Yeah. Okay. It's crazy. I had one second that told me she thought that I was a mermaid in a past life. Oh my God. I'd be like, hell yes. That would be my dream. I was like, take all of my money.

Like you're telling me I was Ariel in a past life. Like take my savings account. And you just keep going back. It has calmed down. Same one or different. No, I find different ones and then because it's fun to go like, are you going to say, the same thing as her.

Yeah. It's really fun. Have you ever found one that actually, like, seemed like they were legit? One time I was having some gay thoughts. And I'm not kidding. And I was saying, I was like, you know, like, whatever. I was just like, I think I'm a little gay. Like, 70, 30 maybe.

Yeah. And I swear to God, I go to the psychic and she's doing the tarot cards. And then she just looks up at me randomly out of the blue and she goes, you're not gay. I know you think you're gay, but you're not. You're not gay. And that was like the week I was having really gay thoughts. I swear. Was anything else you said in that same time?

I still think I'm a little gay, though. A little bit. Was there anything in that same session that was true? Or was that the only part? Pretty much the only part. Yeah. I mean, you know, like they've all said things where I'm like, whoa, maybe. But again, for me, it's entertainment.

It's so funny. And I mean, somebody can hit once always. Yeah. Like, I could probably act like a therapist or a psychic and like hit one thing. I bet you could. And then they'll be like, I need your first, like, I'll call him. I'll be like, I want to come in. And they're like, okay, we need your first last name and birthday.

I'm like, bitch, you can Google me and find out everything. Exactly. Like, I want to come in like off the street. Yes. They can't know who you are. Because there's too much information on you all mine. Yeah. Anyways.

Absolutely. Yeah. So cross addictions are real. Yeah. I had it too. And I think that is. why he posted our separation because of that. He was in that addict mind where, you know, he just wanted that,

hi, I'm not excusing it. I'm just like, I understand it. Yeah. You know? And that kind of continued for a few years and it just got worse and worse and worse. And that's kind of what my book is. It starts with the unraveling of my marriage, like the day that I realized it was over. And then the four years into like, you know, finally taking out.

action, walking through fear, getting a lawyer, like all that stuff. It's so hard. It is. So hard. Is your finalized? I should know. It's finalized. How long did it take you?

Girl, for like two months it's been finalized. But how long? So it took four years. Four years. Okay. I'm like up to two and a half right now. Oh, yeah, that's nothing. No.

Don't tell me that. But that's okay. Because it will resolve. Okay. That's like, oh, praying every day. Please, please, please. I'm done. I'm done.

You're done. But one foot in front of the other, you just take a little step every day. You know, we can't do it alone. That's my main thing, too, is like I couldn't do it alone. I had to lean heavily on my friends. I have a support group I go to on Fridays of like old-ass women in this church. And like, they're all like 80. And just they just yell at me.

It's great. There's a narcissist abuse coach that I speak with. Great. That's great. And that's like helpful for me. We just can't do it alone. Yeah. You know, that's really what I've learned.

Yeah. And I have amazing friends, the ones that are real. And isn't that the best? Isn't that the best? Yeah, yeah. I've been learning a lot, but I don't want to go into any of that right now. That's for next time, honey. Yes, next time.

Was writing this book more therapeutic or was it terrifying for you? And I know you were journaling at first, so maybe it was like a therapeutic moment. Yeah, it felt therapeutic. and I was, I heard this really morbid piece of advice that was like, write as if everyone you know is dead, which sounds really dark, but it,

so you don't like hide certain things. You don't hide certain things. You don't sugarcoat. You're not embarrassed. You're not exactly. You just write honestly. Yeah. And that's like a really fucked up

but helpful tool to just. And you were like, all right, it's cool. Everyone I love died. Everyone I love and care about is dead. God. All right. Oh, my gosh. That sounds really messed up. Cruzy is going to be starting kindergarten soon. I can't believe it. Time flies. It's going to be a whole different ballgame. I'm going to learn so much as I go. I've heard about this amazing program that I want to tell you guys. A new school year means a fresh start for families that are looking for a new path to help their child succeed. K-12 could be the perfect fit. K-12 powered schools offer to a free accredited online public education for students in kindergarten through 12th grade. They know learning isn't one size fits all. And we'll meet your child where they are. And I love that.

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perfect home by using Apartments.com. No more swiping or awkward first dates. Make it easier to get a place that gets you. Visit Apartments.com, the place to find a place. You write that most people go through trauma privately, but yours, like mine, have been very public and has comment sections. How do you deal with that? Because that's not easy at all. And you think that I would have thicker skin at this point and I'm still a little baby. Yeah. Do you feel that too sometimes?

Or are you really good at handling the... It depends on, like, some days I won't look at it at all. Yes. And then other days, I'm like, why are these people... Like, how is this even their view? You know? And then it gets under your skin because I'm like, how? How could people even like think that what they're saying is correct?

You know, and it just like, it's so hard to not respond. Yes. And get my point out there and like my side out there. Yes. I think that's what can be really difficult at times. No, totally. When they're wrong and they're loud about it. Oh my God.

I've had that like I had so much commentary and people making all these videos and they weren't true. Right. Or there was a part that was true, but then there were parts that were not. They just didn't know the whole story. and you're, yeah, you're so tempted to respond. Yeah. Like, so bad.

Yeah, but I think, you know what it is? At the end of the day, like, if I didn't want this, I would be a fucking teacher or a speech therapist or a yoga instructor or homeless on the street. I wouldn't be doing this. Like, this is part of the deal. It is. It is. And it's hard to accept that sometimes because it's like, I know I'm putting my life out there. And I know people can have their opinions and opinions.

and opinions are fine, but it's the meanness and the trolling and the judgment and like stuff like that that get a little too hard to deal with sometimes. My dumbass was reading book reviews on the couch over there before it started and I was like, I don't know that I should be doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there were like a bunch of five stars, but then I saw the one star that was, if I could give this zero stars, I would. See, it's so crazy because I know for like, for me personally, I have so much more love and support out there.

And it's like amazing. I'm so grateful and so honored to have that. Yeah. But then sometimes the main comments are so much louder. Right. And if you notice though, a lot of times people will defend you without you even having to do it in the comments section. Totally. Thank you.

I love those people. I love those people. Yeah. Yeah. That and just like that's why I do like I did yoga in the morning before just any sort of meditation, any way to, you know, understand I can't fill the hole in the soul with external things. things that you know people are going to have great opinions about you and terrible ones and I kind of don't listen to either you know and I just like have this inner knowing like I'm enough and because I exist and I just try to be a good person every day and like keep the noise out yeah

do you know what I'm saying oh yeah I do it's a lot harder than some times you know yeah other but like my self-worth is not determined by my relevant by my relevant by my relevant by my by how famous or wealthy or loved you are by strangers. Exactly. It's just not. Yeah. Right? So if we know that, like that stuff's not going to shake us.

Exactly. I love that. Yeah. You know? We got so much in common. I mean, I'm just like, yeah, I have to call you after this. Please do. We're not far from each other.

Yeah. Was there ever a moment where you almost didn't hit publish on one of your stories? Or you just like an open. book. No, there were, there were stories. Like I had, my water got shut off. It was bad, girl. It was really bad. I was enabling an addict. I was, you know, I make my money through being funny and I wasn't feeling very funny. So I was like not working like I normally do. Also, when I was in the marriage, and this is another thing I talk about in my book was like, I gave the financial control in a sense to my to my ex.

He dealt with that. I didn't. I just created, wrote, made stuff. I made a lot of money, but I wasn't looking at it. I just didn't. I just didn't. I was like, oh, no. And I came from no money. So it made me a little, maybe uncomfortable or I was just like nervous.

I always had this false narrative that like, oh, I'm not good at that kind of stuff. I'm just a silly, silly, silly, goofy girl. And I make silly goofy stuff. I understand. Right? So then I just wasn't looking. And I hired a bookkeeper to pay my bills, but I wasn't checking in with her. And all of a sudden, I had my fucking, you know, two kids in the bath.

Plus, my friend was over with her one and three-year-old. They were in the bath. All the kids were bathing. And then all of a sudden, water stopped. Wow, yeah. And I'm like, what's going on? My friend's like, oh, I saw a guy out, you know, in front of your house in the morning. And I was, she's like, I thought it was a repair man.

And I'm like, no, that was the water reaper. And you had no idea? I had no idea. So, and then I call my bookkeeper, I'm like, my water got shut off. She goes, oh, whoops. Like, she, like, forgot to pay it. But, like, at the time, I was, like, tight. And she was like, sorry, I was, but it was my fault.

In the end, I was not, my life was so unmanageable. I wasn't looking at that area. And my water got shot. So anyway, that, for whatever reason, that story, I just was, like, so embarrassed. at like how unmanageable my life was and like how low it had gotten you know and how I like nearly lost everything um so yeah that's like that's part of your story like getting like out of that and like climbing back up for your kids yeah you know yeah and around that time now looking back I was fully enabling I was like in so much denial I was like my ex was in and out of these crazy relapses

And he was like, oh, we'll just get a mediator. And I'm like, okay. And then he, like, wouldn't show up for the meetings and all the stuff. And I'm just, like, burning through all this money. Yeah, it's like $7,000 every time or something. I don't know. And then, and then guess what? My mediator fired us in the hand.

She fired us because that's, you can't mediate when one person's not showing up. Oh, my Lord. And it had to get. Right. It had to get so bad for me to finally walk through my fear because I was so terrified to get a lawyer and file a restraining order. I was so scared of what would happen. Yeah.

And I just had to walk through that fear and do it. But when I did, that's when I started healing. When I had that court order, no contact. Yeah. That's when I started healing. That's when I started building back up my career, my self-worth, realizing I could do it. I didn't need a man to be okay. Like, truly.

Yeah. I mean, today, like, I love my life. It's not perfect. And, you know, we know, like, having a child on the spectrum is a lot. But, like, I went trained it for the world, though. Girl, I love him so much. I love my kiddos so much. I feel so free and whole and like, it's just exciting.

That makes me so happy for you. Because now that you actually are divorced, I look at that and I'm like, yeah, it took you a while, but it happened. It happened. You know, it happened. You finally got there. It took a long time, but you finally got there. Has humor always been your survival mechanism? Hands down.

Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, it just does. Who wouldn't want to laugh? I think that that's a healthy survival mechanism, honestly. Me too. You're laughing and making jokes and like making other people's life funnier and lighter.

I think that's a great one. Totally. They say like tragedy plus time equals comedy. It takes me like five minutes and I'm like already like crack and jokes. Yeah. One time I was like running away from my psychotic, not this one, different one. When I was like 19 or 20, I had this like crazy boyfriend, of course. I have a type.

I know. Our pickers are broken. What do we do about that? Our pickers are broken. Help. It's awful. Oh my God, girl. But I was like running away from him.

We were in this horrible fight and I was on the phone with my sister. And I'm like, oh my God, he's chasing me. I'm so scared. She was like, is he running or is he doing the slow serial killer walk? And I was like, slow serial killer walk. And I was like, slow serial. killer walk slow serial killer walk like we're we're joking in the midst of like a totally insane moment oh so yeah i love that i love that okay uh is resilience something that you're born with or something

life forces you to learn in your opinion wait say that question when they have is resilience something you're born with oh or something life forces you to learn that's so interesting i i would say you know i would say you're born with it actually. I say that because my kids are so resilient. I see their resilience all the time. Like sometimes adults suffer way more because we hold on to things or resentful. Right. Kids let that shit go and they move on. But that's the difference. I think kids are resilient. Yeah. Because they are young. They don't really understand what's going on. But I feel like in my case, I got so much like stronger after I became a mother. Oh, yeah. Like that was like

Like, learned, like, after I became a mother and I started noticing how bad everything was because I had to protect him. You know, and before, I would let everything slide and I'm the one to make somebody change. I, you know, I can do this. I could do that and just let me continuously being treated horribly over and over and over again slide. Yeah. Until I had a little son to protect. Totally. I would say I...

Both, I guess. Yeah, I agree with you there. I've become more resilient since I became. I'm a mom absolutely more resilient. Even just like pushing that thing out. Yeah. I'm like, I'm resilient, you know? But then also the day to day when you're a mom and you'll do anything to protect

those kids. Anything. Yes, exactly. So that's fierce. But I also think it's like innate. It's within us. Right. Because when I watch my little kids, you know, overcome and that is resilience.

They are resilient. Even them understanding that mommy and daddy don't live together. anymore. Yeah. You know, they're resilient. They just now are like, oh, yeah, that's his house, that's, that's, all right. Do they have a hard time in the beginning? Well, they were one in three when we separated.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, I know. Yeah. It's in four years before you were able to get divorced. Yeah. So that's kind of what they, that's actually a better age, unfortunately, is because they're not going to remember that part. Yeah.

You know. Yes. In the future. Totally. So they were pretty, like, good. And it was just kind of like what they know now. And I think like boomers, there was this very much, there, there, there was this narrative of we stay together for the kids.

Oh. And I'm so glad that we're smashing that. I'm from the South. A hundred percent. Right. Like you stay together for the kids, at least until graduation. And then, like, all of a sudden, all these parents are getting divorced whenever their kids are in college. But I'm sorry.

I'm not going to be unhappy. And let my child feel that energy. And they, like, soak that in. Like, I want them to be happy and have fun and, like, enjoy life, not see their parents hate each other. Totally. And most of those adult children are like, I wish my parents got her divorce. And they didn't. It was so annoying. Yeah. Like some people aren't meant to be together forever. Sorry. But there are some people. I still believe in love. After everything I've gone through. I still believe in love. And I still see so many couples out there who were so beautiful and like great together. Like my grandparents and, you know, things like that. That have been together for like 80 freaking years. You know, there are those people. But I don't know. There are.

I don't know if I'll ever be getting married again. I don't know if I will ever be getting married again. No, no. I feel the same. I'm like, why am I going to get the government involved in my relationship? The government will never be involved in my relationship ever again. Ever again. You know, the idea of a life partner?

Cool. Yeah. I'll do a commitment ceremony. A commitment ceremony on the beach with like 12 people. Right. That's all I need. I know. I don't see the point.

No. Unless he's making way more money than me, I don't see the point. oh my goodness I'm not saying I get a pre-nep exactly oh my goodness I love that was there anything you finally forgave yourself for

while writing your book hmm anything I finally forgave myself for I love that it gave me like a hard question and then you always end up making me laugh see that's what I do And that's actually my book too. It's like so disturbing.

But then I write jokes in there and you're like, I shouldn't be laughing, but I am. That's what you have to do. I know, right? That's what you have to do or else we're not going to. Or I'll just, we'll just spend our days crying. Exactly. You want to do that. Like cry, cry.

Like feel it for a minute. Okay. And then let's crack some jokes about it. Yeah. But maybe just like, my sponsor said to me after I had kept going back because I think that's very common. too that women don't you know experience a betrayal and then like leave right away it takes like time after time after time don't I know it right so I think that like that I just kept going back

and even not even romantically you know like we were separated but I wouldn't take action I was still enabling in a lot of ways I was in denial right and um after like the seventh time that he just did something really unspeakable to me I was crying to my sponsor and she was like, you know what, Laura, at this point, you're not a victim, you're a volunteer. And that just hit me. And it like changed your point of view. Yeah.

Because, I mean, and not to like diminish a victim, right? You know, because I did experience DV. But when I kept going back for me, I needed that tough love. I needed to hear at this point, you're not a victim, you're a volunteer. You're choosing this. Right, right. You're choosing this. walk the fuck away and take action, you know?

And so I think I finally have forgiven myself for the amount of time it took to really take action. That's great. That's definitely something that had, which I talked about before, like my son was what finally opened my eyes and took like the rose color glasses off and everything. Like it took my son, even though I knew what was happening for a long time. Like I just was in love and blinded and there was so many things. But I also deal with, since it's such a public thing, a lot of victim blaming, which is really, really hard. And I know, like I was also, like you're saying, like I was enabling things. And, you know, it took me a while to get out of it.

But then I finally did. Yeah. And even whenever I finally did, I felt like I was still victim blamed. By the public? Yes. That's the head of just us having that all out there. Most people don't really have thousands and thousands. thousands of people weighing in on the most horrific traumatic.

I think that's one of the hardest things that I deal with in the comic section going back to what we were talking about before is the victim blaming. Because I'm like, sometimes I'll respond and be like, I'm so glad that this has never happened to you. Yeah. Like, I'm so glad you don't understand because you've never been through it. And I pray that that never happens to you in your life. Yeah. I feel like that actually is probably the hardest part, not really the other stuff. that we were talking about earlier.

Yeah. It's just like, if you weren't in it, if you don't experience it, then you don't understand it. You don't. It's, no. And it's so, it's so complex. And also, I find it's not so black and white either. No. It's not like, oh, he's just, you know, physically abusing me.

No, there's so many other types of abuse, right? Yeah, and manipulation. And manipulation and coercion and all of that. And then it's so hard, especially when you have kids with someone because you want to believe the best. Like I, I feel like we're actually the same in this way. Like, I'm just such an optimist in life. And I could just feel that with you.

I'm like, you're right. Both and unicorns. No, really? I've been like that my whole life. And I don't want to change that about me. We just have to be a little more discerning. I'm like discernment. I, you know, like that.

I do need to work on that. But I would not trade that for the world. Yeah. There's one of my favorite quotes. I want to see hope and people and forgiveness and like believe that people can change. But whenever they show it to you over and over and over, you have to believe that they won't. At the same time. Believe the pattern, not the person. Exactly. During the week, my schedule is non-stop. Meetings, errands, late nights, and healthy eating is

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Go to Tempomills.com slash reality hits. That's Tempomills.com slash reality hits for 60% percent. off your first box. Tempomills.com slash reality hits. Rules and restrictions may apply. Check them out. They are delicious and so easy and save you so much time, which of course, busy moms, busy parents, busy people, we need that in our lives. I really need to work on that. Still, it's a daily thing. But there's this quote that I love. The most important decision you'll ever make is whether you view the world as a friendly place or a hostile place. And I am friendly. I say. I say. I believe most, right?

Most people are good. Yeah, I believe that too. Most, like, yeah, I know there's bad in the world. I know there's, but like I want to live in the friendly place. Exactly. You know what I mean? Even after everything that's going on in my life currently, right now, I still have so many amazing people in my life.

And I like to live in that world. And not just think because I was betrayed so bad that I have to feel like everyone else is going to betray me. because I know everyone else isn't going to do what was done to me. I think I need to read your book. Are you writing a book about this? Because you should. Hey.

It would help a lot of women. Yeah. I mean, down the road. Because that's my main thing is because all of my stuff was so public, it was, it was humiliating. I'd be like walking in Whole Foods, like, and someone would just come up like, oh, God, I heard about the restraining order. I'm just trying to buy Kenwa.

Yeah. But thank you. You know. Oh, my gosh. You write about learning to trust your gut. Looking back now, were there red flags you ignored because you wanted things to work? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Red flags are everywhere. Everywhere. I mean, even early on, you know, when we met, I was 24, he was 36. I had two months sober at the time. He had like 10 years at the time, so over long-term sobriety. So you're like... He was 12 years older. Yeah.

Yeah. But being sober for 10 years, I'm sure you felt so safe in that. I did. Yeah. And but I would say there were little things early on, but also I'm one of those like I don't regret. We were married 10 years. Like I actually, I really don't regret it. Like we had a lot of amazing times and then it got bad.

Yeah. Like I understand. You know, in 2014. And you would never, you wouldn't have your kids. No. And that's what I always say is I can't change anything that happened to me because I wouldn't have my beautiful son. He's the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Same, same. My kiddos. Like, like I said, for us, it was, it was pretty complex. We had good years. In 2014, he relapsed. I left him. We separated for three months then. He went to rehab. He worked on himself. And then we started sort of dating again. And I eventually took him back. I don't even regret that because we then had some great years. And then he relapsed again. And this was horrific to the point where I had to walk away. So, I mean, there were, little things here and there, little lies or manipulations. But again, it's tricky because, like, I'm not an angel either. I'm a recovering addict too with with character defects and all that stuff. So though it wasn't nearly the same, I just empathized with a troubled person. I always have. Yeah. You know, like we're just all doing our best and we're flawed. And I don't know, if that answers your question, probably not. No, it does. I saw. Um, I saw. Um, that you posted something three days ago. Let me pull it up really fast so that I can read it without messing it up.

You were talking about a year ago. I never could have imagined this. This photo was taken three days ago, and it's you with your kids and their father in the background. Right before I left for Chicago to promote my new book, I am just beyond grateful that my kids have their dad back. He is 11 months sober and able to safely care for them while I'm gone. I have also an incredibly trusted care team, who love my kids fiercely, beyond grateful, you know, so much more stuff.

Yeah. So I think that's awesome. I would love to be able to feel like that. And how does he feel about your book? And because obviously you guys are in a better place now. So he has to know everything. Like what are those conversations like? Well, just to clear up the rumors, we're not back together.

Yeah. Just because you post about your kids. And co-parenting. No, totally. Yeah. I got that immediately. Exactly. The second you were like with them again, they're like, oh my God, she let him back.

She's back. He's back. They're together again. I'm like, no, no. You have to co-parent. You have to co-parent. Right. I mean, but this seems like a positive thing, which I love because that's the goal.

Yeah. Always that's the goal. Well, that's the thing. And so he had to hit bottom so bad. Like his bottom had a freaking basement. Okay. It was so low. He had to.

I mean, we had multiple courts involved. Like DCFS got involved and he lost custody of his kids because of his behavior and because of his drug use and he was deemed like unfit. And so that for him was his bottom. And he was like, oh, if I don't straighten up and like get my life together, I'm never going to see my kids again, you know? And so he had to hit that bottom. I had to completely cut him off and not enable in any way and let him hit.

that bottom and that was terrifying. It's so hard. And I just had to tell the kids like, Daddy's sick right now. He loves you so much, but he's very sick. Or he's sick right now. Yeah. Because you can't explain in detail what's really going on. Right.

But now today, yeah, he's over 11 months sober. And like, you know, he even put in the settlement. He's like, he asked me. He goes, Laura, can you put in their random drug tests for the next five years or however long you want? He asked me. That's great. he asked you right and i was like that's a good idea let me put that in there like that's how badly

he wants to stay sober for his kids that's great so i mean is it perfect no but we're at the point where we're friendly we adore our kids together we're obsessed with our kids yeah and i was able to go for four days you know and him and a few nannies yeah made sure they were safe now i had to cancel two other cities for my book tour because there's no way in hell and I'm sure you get this that I could be gone for nine days. Yeah. My son, he, Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. And I'm like,

he's an eloper too, which I'm right about in the book. So he'll just run off. And he has tried to find me when I'm not there. Mommy's house, mommy's house. And he's run away and was found a block away from Mommy's house. So I'm like, four days is my max right now

until things are a little more stable. but he is like showing up and yeah and guess what I will never allow myself to be abused again right if he ever shows any signs exactly if he ever mistreats me you best believe I will be filing another order and I will take action immediately amen and so that feels really good yeah yeah you know it's like you know you will never no let yourself be treated that way never yep isn't that like so liberating so and clock it as the gen C's say I know I like like At first, I was like, what is this? It's clock it.

Clock it. I was like, all right, we're clocking it. But have you had the conversations about what is in this book? Like, and he's okay with it? Like, does he understand? Yeah. I mean, he was like, I don't want to read. He's British.

He's like, I don't want to read it. I can't. I can't. Yeah. But it's funny. The first line in the book is the final time my husband cheated on me. the candles of his eight or eight year sober birthday were still warm.

And he was like, the final time my husband cheated on me, that's the opening line. And I was like, what? He's like, you make me sound like Russell Brand. I'm like, you're kind of similar to him and you kind of look alike and you talk alike. He's like, yeah, but I'm not rapy.

He's rapy. I'm like, you're not rapy, no. You're a lot of things, but you're not rapy. Yeah. And so, you know, he is like, oh, God. Because he wasn't like a serial cheater, but it did, you know, it happened and like, whatever. Yeah. I wrote honestly about what happened.

Yeah. One thing about him, he's always been like, write your truth. Okay. Right. So he's not like thrilled about it. Right. But it's the story. And people go, how are your kids going to react when they're old enough and read it?

And I'm like, it is the best anti-drug PSA ever. Yeah. Okay. Because I don't know how to get my kids to understand that we can't do it safely. maybe this book will help. Yep, there you go. Look where it took us, kiddos. Don't do drugs.

Do not do drugs. Okay. Dare. Some people can. My friends can. No. I can. No, no.

Not me. I'm not about that life. You write so beautifully about your son. What was, or what has he taught you about patients? Oh my gosh. Patience and everything. That's just that I have more than I ever thought I did. Yeah.

I mean, I just. do. You just do. You just do. And then I don't even realize I do and people go, you're so patient. I'm like, am I? I'm like, really? Yeah. I don't even realize like I was being patient about something. Honestly. No, I know. Like it's just life. Yeah. And there have been times where of course we're not perfect, right? Like he was having some crazy meltdown. I'm talking like sunscreen on the mirrors, knock the bookcase over, just like wreaking havoc. Yeah. I was like, what are you doing? No. Like. You know what I mean?

I became the mom I didn't want to be. I was just like, because he was so destructive. Parents can never always be perfect. Let's be real. Everyone's going to have their moments where you cry, you freak out, you everything.

But like the patience is real whenever you have a kid on the spectrum. It is so real. But then get this. So I was like, clean it up, you know, and he gets on the floor and he's like cleaning up all the crayons

that he threw all over the kitchen floor. And I heard him whisper to himself because I was told he was diagnosed a severe level three autism told he was never going to speak may never be independent well guess what he's seven years old he's you know speaking in sentences he's not conversational like my daughter my daughter's like i'm like i'm like she talks enough for the both of them but he can express his wants and needs now like he can say mommy let's go for a walk mommy i want toast exact same with with cruise exactly same he's still nonverbal but his words are starting to come and like like at five i don't know just

gives me, I don't want to cry. No, but he's like the most important thing in my life. So it gives me, like, hope that, like, his voice will come, you know. Yeah, it will. So he was cleaning up the crayons and he just whispers to himself, not to me. He goes, I am mad. Oh. He goes, I am mad.

I am sad. I am angry. I am crying. He said all those four things. I know. And I was like, oh, my God. And he said it to himself and, like, you guys might think we're crazy. but like in this like special needs world like that is huge to be able to label his feelings like

like that and just say it like he was throwing stuff but then he was able to sit down as he was cleaning up and just express like what he was feeling yeah like oh my god i mean we have to celebrate every single milestone every single win and it's beautiful and amazing every single time every like cruise literally like turns the light switches off for me at night now and i'm like oh my god this is like the best thing ever like every single single thing single win is celebrated. No, 100%. It is.

It is, isn't it? Yeah. I know. I know you don't have much time, so I'm going to do a quick rapid fire. I could talk to you for hours and hours and hours and hours. You ready for a quick rapid fire? Let's do it. Okay.

I got lost in my place. Okay. Now this is rapid fire. Hold on. Give me a second. One minute. The slowest rapid fire. Here we go.

And rapid fire. Here we go. Biggest parenting fail recently. Oh, God. Wait, no, I'm really bad at this. There's so many. Biggest parenting fail recently. I don't, wait, I suck at this game.

That's great. We can move on. No, I'm just thinking, wait, give me, this is the worst rapid fire ever. Because I'm really trying to think, biggest parenting fail recently. It could be something silly, something little, something. I know.

You forgot to put a pencil in his backpacker, you know, like small little things. I guess like cookies for breakfast. Oh. Oh, too much screen time. Yeah. That shit. Like, I'll come home from work and I just want, you know, you have a full day of filming or writing or whatever.

And then I just want to chill. Yeah. And so I just put on the movie. and then the TV, you know, and then it's too much. It's fine. So I do that sometimes. I'm guilty of that. I think a lot of us are guilty of too much screen time.

I mean, Cruz, he has his, like, dedicated screen time times. But sometimes parents need more because you need a break sometimes. And I don't think that's terrible. No, you know. It's not. But that would be it. Okay. Hey, Kitty Gang.

I'm Keel Lowry. And I'm Lindsay, Chrissly. Come join us for CoffeeCom. every Thursday. It's spirit of discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.

We share our real life experiences trying to balance it all and the issues that we face daily. We don't always agree with how we each handle it. And we definitely rant about the frustrations.

But we always have a great convo and hopefully learn something by the end of it. So listen to and follow coffee combos now at Apple Podcast, Spotify, Podcast 1, or wherever you get your podcast.

Last things your kids made you cry laughing over. I told my daughter I was getting a manicure and I was like, okay, what color should I get my nails painted? And she was like, rainbow. And I was like, okay, so all of the colors, every single one. She was like, yes, rainbow. So I go to the salon and I get, I decide I don't want to do a full rainbow. I mean, because I'm only a little gay.

Like, I didn't want to do the full rainbow. So I do like the cooler color. So I did like purple, dark, blue, light, blue, white stripes on each nail. So it was like a cool color rainbow on each nail. Right. And I go home and I'm like, Poppy, what do you think of my nails? And she goes, oh my God, they look great. Just kidding.

They look like fucking toothpaste. No, she did not. Yes, she did. She said, just kidding, they look like fucking toothpaste. And they looked exactly like crest whitening toothpaste. And you didn't even notice it. No, no. And it killed me.

And then she doesn't say fuck all the time, but occasionally, and I do think it's funny. I mean, if you don't laugh, if it's not a constant, thing and their behavioral is, their behavior is horrible. It's funny sometimes. The other time she said it, I was like, Poppy, do your best impression of me. And she goes, kids, get, you guys are filthy. Get in the bath or no more TV. And where's my fucking purse?

That was her impression of me. It's so cute. I love that you didn't even notice that it looked like toothpaste and she clocked it immediately. But like not the, oh, they look pretty. Just kidding. They look like fucking toothpaste. Not the turnaround.

I'm like, she's a little comedian. She might be a little. actress too. Truly. I love that. What's the most ridiculous DM you've ever received? Oh, girl. So many ridiculous ones. I did to know. I had this one guy because I do that workout

character, Pamela Pumpkin, she does the workout videos. And I had this guy just begging every time I wear a leotard. Please let me buy her leotard. Me love leotards. Like just like, there's just, me love leotards. Like just that and just begging to buy my leotards. And I should charge him like $30,000

and just see if he does. that um and then i had this one other girl who when i was breastfeeding alfi he was like five months old and i took a picture from my instagram story and it was like we're both eating lunch and it was like me eating a salad while he was eating my tit yeah and it was just whatever it was just that it was like both eating lunch like not a big deal right and then this woman goes you're disgusting she goes put your boobes away you're book she kept spelling boobs b-o ibs she was like you're disgusting. Put your boibs away. Your bobs are for your husband. Your bobs aren't for your baby. Your baby is too big for your boy.

For your husband? Not for your baby. Yeah. Okay. That lady is psycho. She's psycho. And then it was so funny to me that I started a clothing brand called Boibs. Oh my gosh. And it was like two or three years and it was awesome. I love that. Um, if Hollywood made your life into a movie, who plays you? Ooh, interesting. Sydney, Sweeney, so I could have tits for once. And people have said I look like her. And I'm just going to say, yeah. You do have a resemblance. I get Cindy Sweeney.

I get Lady Gaga. I get Elizabeth Berkeley, the chick from showgirls. I get her all the time to the point where her, someone came up to me and went, Elizabeth. Elizabeth. And I go, no, I'm not. She goes, okay, Elizabeth. All right, Elizabeth. I was like, dude, I'm not her.

She's like, okay, Elizabeth. Like just wouldn't accept it. Oh, my gosh. I love it. What's your current obsession? Current obsession. Honestly, Instagram Reels. I'm fully addicted to it.

I got to stop. Me too. And you know, it was TikTok and now it's Instagram Reels. I'm not big on TikTok, but Instagram Reels, like, and weirdly, these, like, weird challenges that everybody's doing

and, like, brain teasers have been popping up. And I will catch myself watching the entire thing. I'm like, what is wrong with me? What is wrong? And I love to watch all the true crime stuff. Oh, yeah. And, like, food and, like, cooking and, like,

eating. And, like, I'm like, why do I, watch this. I know. Like, where did this come from? And they just know exactly what you're going through, like, when I was going through divorce is like, 10 signs. He's a narcissist.

Oh, my God. Me too. All the time. My whole thing is about narcissism. It's about, you know, domestic violence. It's about this. It's not that. And then all of a sudden, within this past week, because all this crazy stuff's

been happening to me, it's been like a woman, like, so serious with, like, a crystal on her hand. And she's looking at you. And she's like, if this video found you, you are meant to be here. that you have great things coming your way and I'm like oh my god my life is about to be amazing no I totally believe it I'm like

uh-huh they just feed my deletion she's like you're going to make 10 million dollars in the next three days this is where I'm like oh my god she's right oh my gosh okay two questions I ask everybody before they go if you could be on any reality TV show what would it be yours mine the valley Lord

come on over because I come on your show you lift in the valley right. I fucking live in the valley. Oh my gosh. Bravo. I live in the valet. Like, I'm going to call out his basket after this and tell them that you're down. We just need like a brunch scene. Yeah. Like what's happening. Okay. Oh my God. I would love that. Who is your favorite reality TV star of all time? Honestly, this is so vintage. Because I love it. To be so for real, I'm like watching reels. Like that's my like I'm not watching so much TV right now. Like I'm just whatever. And you know, too. I go to bed with. my kids at 8.30.

Me too. And do you have a bed chair? Oh, yeah. Cruz. Does he snuggle in with you ever? He puts either his feet underneath my back or he lays sideways under the pillows now, which obviously he's big enough. So it's fine.

Before people listen to this. Yeah, it's fine. He's going to suffocate. Like, no, he's huge. He's five. He's big. But he'll like sideways and he likes to like lay in the crack of my bed in the mattress because you know, for sensory seeking.

once compression. Yes. So his head will be right by my head or his feet will be like under my back. I love it. Yeah. I just love it. I have a five year old on one time, a seven year old on the other. And we're all like, because it's just so warm and snuggling.

And I know they're going to grow out of it. That's exactly what I say. Like, that's one of the parenting things that, like, one of those hills I would die on, I guess. Is how they say it is like they're only little for so long. Yes. And honestly, if I need Cruz to sleep in his room, like if I have plans. or like something like or whatever like he will sleep in his room totally or I'll just go to the guest her mom needs her needs met honey but he like he mommy mommy's ovulating right now we are we are

shining today wait what was the question though uh your favorite reality's art oh yeah oh my god right we're so ADHD okay cool so um no this is like so vintage but kathy griff in my life on the deed list. Do you remember that show? I remember Kathy Griffin. I die. But she, it was like I thought. Is that the one that Heather McDonald was like her co-host? Maybe. I don't know about that

part. I just know it was like her and her parents and it was like my life on the deal list. It was just so, she's so funny. She is so funny. I just loved it and it's so old but like whatever. Yeah. And I also love, um, love on the spectrum too. Oh my gosh. One of the best shows ever. It's so great.

Don't you just watch it and you're like, oh. And, you know, with my family, having no idea about autism or the spectrum whatsoever, I made them all watch it. Just to learn a little bit of what it's about. And they loved it. They had to cry. And I just was like, thank God a show like this exists, you know? Yes.

Helping spread awareness. And it's done so well. Yeah. It's so positive and beautiful. Yes. And I love every single person on there. Same. They're amazing.

Same. Okay. Laura, thank you so much. Can you tell everybody where they can get your book, where they can list to your podcast, like social media and all that stuff before you go. Yeah. So you just type in my name, Laura L-A-U-R-A, C-L-E-R-Y, and I'm just anywhere you watch social media. Unfortunately, I'm there.

And then my book is available wherever books are sold. So however you, if you go to Amazon or Audible, Apple, I narrate the audiobook. So I think that's a better experience personally, just especially if you're a busy mom. You don't have time to sit down and read book. I know sometimes some people like to. actually sit down, hold it and read it. But if you're like on the go driving or like doing your workout, just pop it in and let me tell you some great crazy stories.

And hopefully it'll inspire you and entertain you. And your podcast. And my podcast is called Idiot. Yeah. And that's wherever you get your podcast, Spotify, Apple, just type in my name and you'll see it. I love it. I had so much fun getting to know you. Me too.

Let's be friends. Yes. I'm down. Thanks so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks everybody for tuning in to another episode of When Reality Hits.

Remember to try to stay positive and never be an Instagram troll. Love y'all. That's right. What you'd like to see? Just stream it for free on Pluto TV where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix Trilogy.

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