When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - Serena Kerrigan on Dating, Red Flags & Finding Your Worth

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Serena Kerrigan joins When Reality Hits to talk all things dating, confidence, and knowing your worth. Serena opens up about the dating lessons she learned from being ghosted, breadcrumbed, love bombed, and chasing emotionally unavailable men, and how that experience inspired her new book, Let's F*cking Date. She and Brittany dive into the “do-over era,” dating in Los Angeles after a long-term relationship, expanding your dating pool, recognizing when someone is actually making an effort, and why you shouldn’t settle for someone who isn’t showing up for you. Plus, Serena shares how her infamous Instagram Live dating show during COVID led to a million-person community, a card game, and ultimately her new book.Please support the show by checking out our sponsors!Tempo: For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box! Go to TempoMeals.com/REALITYHITSNutrafol: Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code REALITYHITSQuince: Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/REALITYHITS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Progressive: Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust ProgressiveSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Being out with Serena Kerrigan, aka S-F-K, founder of Let's F-F-Date, best-selling card game creator, content creator, and now author of the brand-new book, Let's Fucking Date. Become the prize, enjoy the ride, and never settle again. And honestly, the timing cannot be better because we're talking dating, red flags, starting over, knowing your worth, and how to stop settling for less than you deserve. Serena, welcome to win reality hit. Thank you so much for having you. Yes. Also, I have to say, my girl from the Valley, Jasmine Good is here, co-hosting with me today.

So we're gonna have a fun time. It's a two-for-one special. Yes, yes. I just have to say your book cover is awesome. Thank you so much. Yeah, it looks so cool. I wanted it to be like a coffee table book. I don't know, like, the dating books I read when I was single

were like getting him to I do. And I remember when a guy would come over, I'd be like hiding it away. Yeah. Or like the ring, like the rules. Right. So I wanted something that. like a woman could have on her copyable

and not give a fuck if a guy saw it. Exactly. And it's just so catchy and like I feel like if somebody saw it in the book store they would grab it. I was like lipstick. Yeah. Just like you know.

I love it. I want to make out with my book essentially. I don't want it. Yeah. I love that. And you can because it's very hot. I saw like some of your stuff on your Instagram and you were wearing like all red to match the book.

That's such a good move. I've been doing that a lot. It's like the Barbie movie. You know how everyone was always wearing pants. I think. I'm doing that with the red dress, red hills. You looked great. I love it. But I need to buy more red. Like, I need more red in my closet. When you're talking about the book, yes, because that is a great, but you look gorgeous today in the white too. So, okay, you call yourself S.FK. Serena fucking Kerrigan. Yes. I love that. I love that.

Yeah. Where did that confidence come from? Have you always been like that? So when I was, I was, I think we're all born with confidence, right? I think when we're out of the womb, we're born with confidence is as we get older and ourselves in the world, that's when we start to feel insecure. And I felt like when I went to college, I was there and I was like, I went to Duke down south. Yeah, I saw that. I'm Kentucky basketball. You're Duke.

Oh, you know. Yikes. We don't like each other. We are rivals. But that's okay. But it's where I learned how to drive. I love being in a small town because I'm from New York City originally. But anyway, when I got there, I was really insecure and I was like, I felt like if I didn't go home with a guy that night, we didn't make out with someone or someone to give the attention, I would immediately.

I would immediately have the worst feeling ever. And I was like, wow, these next four years and my life is going to be miserable if I'm always just dependent on someone else's thought or the potential of their thought about me to dictate it. So I was like, I need something that's just going to remind me that I'm a bad bitch. So I literally was like, I'm changed my million to fucking. And I literally told everyone at Duke that I changed my name legally. And they believe me. Did you legally do it or are you just joking? I guess we'll never know.

Oh! If it's on your license, I will die. Wait, I love it. I love the story. But it doesn't really matter because what it did for my confidence was just remind me, it's like my Sasha Fierce.

It was like being a baddie. Like just whenever I was having that moment of feeling down, I remembered who the fuck I was. And it helped me so much. I thought you were the perfect person for me to talk to her right now. Yeah, she needs this.

Yes. Yeah. We were, I was reading over your, you know, your book and all the details and I was reading it out loud to her and I was like, yes.

I was like, can we hire her? Like, how do I just like keep you in my pocket? Yeah. Whenever you want, maybe I gave you a pet talk. My picker. is off. Okay, let's talk.

We'll talk to us. We will get to that. Don't you worry. You have built an entire career around dating, but you admit in the book that you have been ghosted, breadcrumbed, love bombed, blindsided and chased emotionally unavailable. Guys, which same. Great. Great.

At what point did you realize, okay, I actually learned something from all this chaos. Right. I mean, I think that everything, you're either you win or you learn. Right. Right. You're always learning lots of lessons. I got to a point where I was like, okay, I'm done. fucking learning. Like, where is he? Where is my man? Yeah. So I think that a lot of it had to do with, like, why was I chasing unavailable men? Like, what was happening? And I realized it was the same fuckboy over and over again. I would get so obsessed with him. I was like, what is happening? And I realized that deep down through therapy and through that internal work that I didn't believe I was actually deserving of a healthy, loving relationship. Right? So I was just constantly going for the guys that would never, because I was so afraid of being seen. Yeah. Like, if they saw who I really was, like, would they run away from me?

they not want to date me. And the truth is is that there is someone out there for you who's going to see you totally. And something that really helps me was that I had friends. So I was like, if I have friends that I can be vulnerable around who see me for who I am, where I can have like a tantrum with who I can like just be my full, funny, goofy, amazing self with. And they love me anyway. And they want to live with me, go on vacation with me, hang out with me. Yeah.

Then a man is not that far off from that. Right. So I realized like would that work like, okay, I need to start picking men that respond to my text that want to date me that like me. That like me. Why did guys do that? Like, act like they're so into you and then take forever to like text you back or like a whole day and I'm like, you're not into me.

No, they're going to take that long. Immediately. Yeah. They're like, there's a sense of urgency when a man likes you. Exactly. He's like, it's almost like he's afraid that someone else is going to snatch you up. Yeah. But also do you think that sometimes that guys do that because they don't want to act like they're

like so into you? Like could it be like? both or is it more? That's what they know what they know. Right. I think that they don't want to like love bomb you and like go overboard. I think they're afraid of that. But in general, like they want to pursue you. Right. You pursue you looks like texting you, making a date, making a plan. Yeah. Not fucking around and playing games. State no. It's like a men, like a little boy and a man. Yeah. That's what I'm here. Yeah. Agreed. I need. So I'm going to learn so much from you today and I'm so excited. Here we go. Let's fucking date originally started as your Instagram

live dating show during COVID. Wow. What possessed you to go on 50 virtual blind dates in front of thousands of people? Everyone always told me like I should go on The Bachelor. Everyone's on that. I was like, bitch, I'm not fighting over a man. Trust me. I can tell you all about the Bachelor.

Trust me. You saved yourself. Right. So I was like, I can't like, no. Absolutely not. So I was like during COVID, I was single, jobless. It was locked down baby. We were doing the banana bread and the tie-dying.

And I was like, I'm bored. We watched Tiger King like two. any time. I watched it too. You know that, okay, we have to go back to what you're saying, but this is funny about Tiger King. He has commented under my Instagram photos a lot.

Oh, amazing. Is he in jail? Yes. From Jam. Amazing. I heard the Tiger King has commented under my Instagram posts. Okay, Tiger Queen. Okay.

Kind of iconic? Oh my gosh. Basically, I was like, okay, I don't know what to do, and I started going live. Like, everyone was going live at the time. And I was like, okay, how would it be if someone, like, if I just wanted to date on an date on Instagram, live, but it was completely blind.

So I hired a producer. I was going to say, how did you get the guy? Yeah, I hired a producer and I made an email. It was like date, sfk, gmail.com. And like all, like, my followers would send guys for me to date. Oh. Because, like, the world was ending anyway. I didn't do that.

I mean, at that time, that's iconic. I love this. Because no one had anything else to do. Yeah, that's awesome. So it became such a thing where people would literally like tune in thousands and thousands of people, which at the time was just, it was so crazy. Yeah. And I would go on two dates for 30 minutes each. And then I'd do an hour with like all my followers and fans and like everyone would

come on and then like the ex-girlfriend would come on and be like don't fucking date them. It was tea. Like it was crazy. Did you like any of them? I definitely slept with a couple of them. Yes. I definitely like some of them. Did you have to get COVID tested before you saw each other?

We had our mask on baby. I did. We had the mask on. You were sleeping with a mask on? That is hilarious. But no one was my husband material. But it was really fun. But what it taught me was that I was so hardcore about always it being blind.

Like I literally would go on live and I would text my producer and she'd be like, okay, let like Aaron 365 on. So I would never know anything about them before I went on the date. And with that topic, you was to have a really open mind. And if you're listing and you're single, how often are you creating like limitations for yourself? You know what I mean? Like, I'll never date a guy that this height or like I'll never date a guy that's this age.

Yeah. You're actually, you know, really making your pool of dating so much smaller. So how can you expand it, right? And I think that we tend to like go on the dating apps and we look online and we see pictures and we're like, oh my God, he's disgusting. but guess what? Straight men are really bad. They're taking pictures. They are.

Because they also like, that's why they take so many fish pickers shoes. But you know why? Because it's like they feel awkward asking their friend, hey, take a photo. They're not going to do a photo shoot. Except for L.A. man. That's so true. Yeah. Like L.A. is a different ballroom.

So true. But that was something that taught me to just like expand, be open-minded. Go on the date with a guy that maybe you don't think you're attracted to you. You're unsure of it because it's all energy. Right. And they might change your mind. They might have a friend. That's true.

The sister might have someone for you. Like, you never know. I think we tend to, like, create all these barriers for ourselves to not go on the date, to not waste our time. But dating is a numbers game. And sometimes you just have a little fucking date. Yeah. You got to get out there.

Yeah. Okay. So since it was alive, a lot of people write in, while you're on the date, are you only focused on the date or do you answer what people are saying? Oh, I was, oh, my God, all the comments. Because it would be so crazy. They'd be like, take your shirt off. Like, let's see your tattoos, like, all this stuff.

Or they would be, like, really mean. And I was like, whatever you do not read the comments, stay present with me. But yeah, it was like a juggling thing where I was seeing text for my producer, reading the comments. I'm also like, I'm the producer, I'm the star, I'm the host. Like it was all. And I was drinking. I was so drunk. Oh, I love it.

So you would just let them in the chat. You weren't in person on a lot. Oh, no, baby. I was on my couch and they were on there. Oh, my God. Sometimes I'd be like, I'd be like, I can't eat it because you're literally in New Jersey about, like, thank you. No, it was so fun. I'm like, you should bring this back.

No, I literally should. Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm like, should I was too? Do you guys want to be a star? I can help monitor. I'm married now. I'm here to like, but I love it.

She did the whole Bachelor and stuff and she just got married to. Yeah, I'm married to a beautiful woman. So maybe that's what you need. Yeah. Come on the side with that. But I dated men. So I hear everything you're saying is like tracking and I've been there and I hear you. So I know I'm like take some notes.

Yeah. This is for me. This is for me. Jasmine is here to help guide me when you're gone. Oh, amazing. everything you're saying I'm like, you hear this? Yeah, I'm like, I got you.

Yeah, once you're going back to New York I was like, I remember what she said, okay? Yeah. Was there ever a moment where you thought, why am I letting the entire internet watch this? Fuck no. No, you love it. It's so fun.

How often do we get to see like someone we know on a date? Like the other day I actually bumped into my best friend who was on a date and was like, I felt so awkward being there seeing her on her first, like a second date with this guy. I felt like I wasn't, I should not be there. Yeah. It feels like such a like sacred.

thing. So it's so rare that we get to see like an empowered woman really dating where it's not the bachelor or love is blind. It's like very produced. It was live, no editing. Right. And I think that that was also so fun for people to see. So no, I loved it. What was like one of the weirdest things that one of those guys did on a date? Oh my God. They were so, yeah. One guy's tongue was literally like down to his stomach. And he was like showing it as like a good thing. Yeah. I mean, I guess it was so like that. But like some of the guys would send me flowers beforehand. Oh, wow. Yeah. Some of them said me alcohol, like a drink for the date. One guy sent me like a sushi

making station kit, but it was smelled so fucking bad. Yeah. We made sushi together, but like not together, you know? Yeah. And I was like, the thought was cute, but like the practice was just, the fish was not fresh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But it's cute that they were actually trying to make it a date and not just like talk to. Yeah. As men

should. Yeah. The effort. The effort. Yeah. Effort. To be there. Is everything. Okay. So then it becomes card games. Yes. That's cool. A community of more than a million people and now book. Why did this feel like the right time to put everything you learned into one place? Because I finally found my man.

Yay! Before I was going to write a book and bitches were like, girls were like, well, where is your wife? Yeah. And I was like, okay, good point, good point. But you had experience. Like you've been through it. Those cannot do.

Teach, right? So I was a great teacher. Right. But I felt like, you know, the right time was that I've been in my relationship for almost four years. We lived together. He's so amazing and it's a safe, healthy relationship. And now I finally'm like, okay, all my advice was fucking right.

Yeah. So I'm going to put it in a book. So now, like, even. You know, there's only so much you can say on Instagram story. You got to like, you know, we need to get back into reading. I wanted to write a book where it gives you a slap in the face and a hug at the same time. Love it. It's something that I feel like you might need.

Yes. It's a hard truth. Yeah. People need to hear. Right. But it's also just like I want any moment of your relationship. Even into the relationship, right, not just dating. Like I want, and even if, you know, you're not dating, you're married.

Like there's something in this book for you where like anytime you're feeling anxious, I wanted it to feel like I'm there for you without physically. And it's like you're still like you're still like you still got to date your partner. each other and still things learned. So I think it's really nice to... How long have you been in a relationship now? So for almost four years. Oh, wow.

And you're happy? So happy. Good. But this is the kicker. He is six years younger than me. Okay. When we met... I was on his podcast.

So, like, Kay, like, as if we just found out right now. Oh, I love that. I didn't even have glam on. I had, like, no mascara. I was like, what? And I was like, oh. But, like, it wasn't love it. It was just like, instant connection, chemistry.

Like, wow. Love that. And then we went on a couple dates. And then I googled him. because that's what one does. Because we were just viving. Yeah. And I was like, recent college grad.

And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? You're like, I found out. I was 29 at the time. He was 23. Okay. Living at home. Like, like, listen, like, it was just, I can work with it. But no, 100%.

He's so mature for his age. If you met him, he's literally like 45. But I think that I was so afraid of like the perception of like, oh my God, everyone's going to think like you're with the younger guy. I don't even know why I care. Yeah. But I pushed through it. Six years is not that bad.

It's not bad at all. Especially the older. people get like that's not five for me yeah it's not it's not but it's more just like compared to my friends that were dating men in their 30s like older it was just it was I was always told to date or older guys I've always I've only ever dated older guys I have one

younger little roster little ting he's like young but I don't know about you I've always been told to date older men because oh younger men or men your age can't handle you your quote too intimidating and I think that's so fucked up it is well the thing I do notice about most men is

their maturity level is not as good as ours. But that's not every guy. Not every guy. Some men are older and they're Peter Pan's that never want to grow up. Exactly. You can miss your opportunity on something great. Trust me. I've been with the Peter Pan's.

So. Like it does not matter. Like a 10 year age difference, 15 years. Sometimes like you're even more mature than they are. But like I would just say expand the pool. Like as much as you just let yourself be surprised. Right. Yeah.

And also the young men like they'd worship you. Yeah. I feel like they would live more. Yeah. They do. Yeah. They're like more obsessing. Because you got your stuff.

going on, you know? They respect you. Yeah. In some way. Like, I mean, not all, right, but I feel that way in my relationship. That's great. Is there engagement or anything on the...

Yeah, on the horizon? Of course. But he's 26, so you know what? It's coming. Yeah. Good. There's no rush. Oh, you did already?

Amazing. I think about doing that sometimes. Let me just say. I already have one kid, but, you know, I've always wanted more, so I just don't know where I'm at, you know? It's two weeks of your life. Yeah.

Taking the SATs is harder. Really? Oh, my God. It is... Really truly, it's not a big deal. You don't, you gain water weight, it goes away. You don't even, you're like out for the surgery. You wake up.

It was the best anesthesia nap of your life. Okay. You don't, there's, come with me when I go. Maybe I would just to talk about it. Yeah. It is the best decision I made, especially as someone who hasn't had kids yet. Yeah. I did it when I was 28 and I was like, I just don't want to settle because I want to have kids.

And I felt that like anxiety of like, right? Because we all feel it as women of the biological cough. And it literally when I woke up from the surgery, I remember being like, bitch, I feel like a man. I was just like, I felt like this weight was lifted. Okay. I could not recommend it more. Fall feels like the perfect time for a reset. New routines, better habits, and a little more attention to the things that you may have put off over the summer.

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friends that have done that and family members. And I just go so back and forth, like, whenever I'm around, like, I have baby fever whenever I'm around. I just am so good with kids and I love kids. Yeah. And I've just always wanted more, but, you know, I've going through a divorce and everything else so it's like it didn't feel like it was in the cards but the further away I am from those relationships I'm like I might want that one day yeah and I'm 37 so like I feel like I should do it now is the time now is the time to do yeah do it yeah do it's two weeks I usually do in the winter I did it too yeah do it in winter it's because it's like dry January know everyone's looking ugly and pale anyway so you just like it's so it will make you feel so relieved are you in pain after

sorry like are you do you have pain after Like it's, you can go back to work in two days. Okay. Yeah. It's like, I think there's a lot of fearmongering about it. And there's a lot of like, it's going to be such a big deal and it's going to take. And I'm really, I'm really, it's not. Good.

Yeah. Like some women do experience pain, but it's not like a lengthy thing. Probably like period pain, like cramping kind of. The period after, I will say is heavier than most. It's like, okay, that's a lot of blood, but it's fine. And then it's literally fine. Okay. And then you could meet your next man and your next man and be like, guess what?

We can make babies. I've got some saved. I love that. Okay, so I feel like I'm your perfect test subject. You are. Because I'm single again and dating is very different than the last time that I was doing this. I was in a relationship for over 10 years. So I was only 26 whenever I came to L.A.

And now I'm single again and dating in L.A. is just so... I was living in Kentucky before that. And I was also in a three and a half relationship before my 10-year relationship. Okay. So never, the Instagram stuff wasn't even that huge, you know, because I was already in a relationship. And then dating apps, like, she signed me up for Raya. I still haven't been accepted. What the hell?

Yeah, but Jasmine signed me up for that. I've never done dating apps or anything like that. Okay. So, um, how are you feeling about dating in L.A.? It's just weird. I feel like I have so much going on in my life. So like, I'm scared, like, am I scaring people away? Because it's very public everything I'm going through.

And I feel like that could be hard. hard, but I'm in such a good place, aside from all the public. Your energy is amazing. You know, so it's like, I feel like I am ready. And, you know, I'm like two and a half years out of the separation. So I feel like there's more like, I'm just like in a much better place now, you know. Yeah. But still, it's not easy.

Like I'm like, I'm with my son all the time. I don't go out as much as people think because when we're filming a show for the three month period, like, it's our job. We go out and we, you know, so people think that's what I'm doing all the time. I'm like, I am a home. body. It is hard for me to even get out. But I know if I want to meet somebody, I have to

get out. You gotta leave the house, baby. I gotta leave the house. Oh my gosh. There's an entire chapter called the do-over era. Which obviously spoke to me. What exactly is the do-over era? I think we tend to think that because we are starting over,

right? Whether it's dating or new relationship that, like we lost all this time. It's like we feel like, oh my God, like how can we start over again? But you're starting in such a different place, such a place of confidence. And, like, you went through that experience, but it's only made you stronger. Right. Right.

And, like, more confident within and empowered. And you know what you want in your next partner. So I think it's just about changing your mentality about it. I mean, I was listening to the words you were saying, you said L.A. dating is weird. A lot of people are like, it's horrible. It's the worst. I'm glad that you didn't say that.

Because I think that the words that we speak around anything become our reality. Right. Right. And I hear people all that I'm like, it's the worst city to date in, like, New York, L.A., I'm like, it is what you make of it. I'm a positive thing. I can tell. Yeah.

And that's so important. Right. Because if you want to find your partner or your next partner, you will 100%. And you're dating from such a place of clarity. Right. Right. Yeah. Than feeling like you're behind.

I definitely have gotten a lot stronger. Like a lot in every aspect of my life. But being a mother, especially, helping me do that. No tolerance for abuse. Exactly. Yeah. And I kind of came out of my shell. I don't let people like, I used to let people walk all over me a lot.

Like Vanderpump Rules and everything. I mean, I have this whole history that's been. on TV. People know I'm a pushover, people pleaser, you know, all these things. And I feel like I am finally, like, getting my backbone. I can see that. I would have never thought that you were, like, a pushover from your energy. You know what I mean? I have been, though.

Yeah. You have. But we're in a different person. But we're growth. Yeah. We have growth. I also think, you know, you just have to keep going on dates. And, and... Yes. I know it seems like probably the last thing you want to do. I'm just, like, waiting for, like, hot guys just slide into my DMs. Like, I need to get out there.

I was going to ask about that. Let's talk about that. The DMs, I feel like that's a problem. I have slid into some DMs. I always end up meeting them and hanging out with them. I don't know if that's working. Yeah. Okay.

Something that I feel you can do and I'm not going to be like, oh, I know this bar in L.A. It's the hottest guys are there. No, that's not where you do. I want you to step outside your comfort zone. Okay. Which you've done a lot of that obviously clearly throughout your life. Yes. But maybe in more simple ways, like do you go to the same coffee place every single morning?

like maybe try something new. Are you taking the same workout, Carl? I get my stuff delivered to my house. That's how much of... That's how the fuck are you guys. She needs to get out. I didn't know the grocery store.

I get my groceries delivered. Honey, we got to leave the house. So what's step one? What can she do? Like, go to a coffee shop, pick up her coffee. That's all I'm asking. I'm not saying that you have to like scout out the mat. I'm just saying like change up your, like, the bubble that you're in.

Right. Because you're in a bubble. And so like it doesn't have to be every day. Just maybe everyone's mom will be like, you know what? I want to do. something different today. Yeah. And push yourself in that way.

I think I'm ready to do that. I have lost a lot of trust in people from a lot of the things I've gone through. We're not going to get into it. But it's been hard. And I've, you know, been burned by people. Yeah. So I've lost a lot of trust in people. But I, like, you never know whenever you're in L.A. If somebody's intentions are right.

And I think that's why people think it's so hard to date here. That's fair. When you have a platform in our TV show and this and this. It's like, it's an extra level of. of course of pressure but there is going to be someone yeah that does want to get to know you for you right right yeah you have to believe that because then that's what's going to happen because i think what i've noticed with brittany she gets people coming to the dms right she'll meet these guys but it's like okay so you get the guy now it's like what is going this is where it's like okay if you're

dating now or what is it called now that the guy's in a dm and now you're it's always like a situation ship it's never turning into how can we turn it to something more so they DM yeah and then are they asked you on a date like yeah well well like hang out, we'll go on dates, and then we end up just like hanging out. This is the part. On the couch? Like hang out. Where?

We'll go to like a date or like something. And then after that I'm always like, you know, I have my son like almost all the time. So he is my main priority. So like I have to wait for when he's not with me or, you know, so I'm kind of that single mom limitation as well. But I want this to turn into like real dating with these people. And so I feel like if the guy's come to DM and she doesn't want to go to a coffee shop, right?

And meet a guy. Fine. You use your DMs. Now we got the guy in a DM. What can we do from there for her? Like, not just... She should be asking you on a date and you go on a date. And then there's no, like, hanging out after that date.

Right. I think I was in a place where, for a long time, I didn't, like, actually want to date. A boyfriend. So fair. I wanted to have fun. So fair. You know? By the way, like this long.

Yeah. And I don't even know if I want a boyfriend right now. I'm just, like, open to what's out there. I believe in love. But I think you deserve this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm very spoiled. And I'm very. much just like, let's have fun. I love that. You know? I think that's great. Yeah. I think that if you say to zero, like, I do want something serious eventually. I'm having fun, though. I would say the one thing I would change is go to the coffee shop. Just every once in a while.

Like, just do it. Do you know what I mean? Like, let yourself be surprised in whatever, which way. Right. Okay. I'll try. Like, once we do something out of your, like, take a different route to work. I don't know. Just like, see what the vibes are. I'm always in an Uber black car. Yeah, I guess there's no subway system now. So fair. I'm barely going to meet anybody. She's a new driver car.

She doesn't get a girl. No, I love it. No meeting anybody. Oh my gosh. I just like got used to like what I do. But I am feeling better. Like we went out yesterday. And I got a new tattoo.

A little daisy for my son. That was a flower. That was fun. See, there you go. I mean mad at the tattoo shop? There was guys in the bar. Yeah, but not. But I thought it was cute.

See. But then again. Hold on. Hold on. See? Yeah, she's right. It's also an energy thing. Maybe you don't know, but maybe they have a friend that's really fucking hot. Or a sister who has like a gay bestie.

Just expand your circle. Right. Even if you're like, unless they're literally disgusting and you actually ever want to. Yeah. But I feel like if they're like, okay. Like even just chatting about, we're also practicing. It's being out there again. Right.

It's all energy. The energy you put out of the energy yet. And you have such great energy. Both if you do. So like, let them see that. Practice. It's all practice. We learned that whenever we were reading.

your notes. Oh my goodness. Okay. You write about how the terrifying feeling after a long relationship ends. How am I back at zero? Why do you say that we're actually not back at zero? Because you know we're not back at fucking zero. Yeah. First of all, there's no better glow up than the breakup glow up. Right. Right. Am I right? Yeah. It's taken me a long time to get my glow up, but I feel like more confident now than I have in a long time. There's nothing better than the breakup glow up. Like once you start putting after like getting through, you know, the sadness, but then starting to put all that back into yourself. Yes.

It's so good at you. First for a change instead of everybody else. With a relationship, you're always giving, giving, giving, and now you're able to give and receive that from yourself. So I think that you're just, you're operating from a different place. Do you feel that way? Yeah. I feel like I've learned so much, you know.

And I did have like a little fling that was like a couple months and we called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. But I have learned so much in my past relationships that whenever that ended, I was just like, that had to end. Like I wasn't upset and didn't like try to keep it going long like I would have probably done in my past. It serves its purpose. I felt like that was really huge for me. Good.

In a weird way. You know? Yeah. Oh, cutting things off is like the best thing ever. Because before I would be like, no, I want to like try. And I'm like such a like mothering type, you know, which is not the best always. But I will literally take care of somebody if I'm with them. That's just who I am.

And I was really doing that with this guy. And I look back now and I'm like, that was so stupid. And I've learned from that now, though. I'm like, I will never do that again. Yes, exactly. So every experience is just teaching you something. Very true. That is true.

I don't even count it as a boyfriend, even though he asked me three times and I finally said yes. Well, I think what drives me, something in your book or what we were reading about before. She said, like the potential, like don't date potential, as you said. And I think in your mind, maybe you thought he had this potential, what it could be, all this stuff. And it's like, no. Because we had a friendship from a long time from Kentucky. And I thought it was like different. Yeah.

So I think you sing that, like, don't take potential. I think, yeah, don't do that. You're not his mommy. You already have a son, you already. Exactly. And I learned a lot from doing that. Because then I was so embarrassed watching it back. I was like, Lord, the whole world saw me do that.

But that's really great. It's relatable. Yeah. The only person that's done it. What advantage does a woman who's coming out of a long-term relationship actually have when she starts dating again? I feel like we've kind of talked about that. Yeah, we've talked about that.

Experience, knowing your worth, willing to walk away from shit. what you just said. Yeah. I feel like you know what you want more. Okay. I love this. You tell me, though, girl. Yeah.

How do you know you're generally ready to date versus dating because you're lonely, bored, want validation or want to prove that you've moved on? Ooh. I don't know. I mean, I think it's part of healing. I think it's okay to want to date if you're lonely. Yeah. Like, hello, that's why a lot of us date.

Yeah. We want that connection. I hate being lonely sometimes. But then sometimes I'm like, I don't want a man in my house all the time, you know? So it's like, what am I going to do? Just enjoy it. Just take one step at a time. Take one step at a time.

I've always been somebody who like leaps in and it's like falls in love very fast. And then they're like my everything. And it's just like, Lord, I cannot do that. What helps with that is to have a couple of people in the roster. Yes. My friend's actions on this show a lot with me, he's always saying he wants to have a roster. Like we talk about roster all the time. It is because once you have options, you don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Exactly. You're not like giving all your energy to someone because you're like, oh, okay, I'm going to see. I'm Tuesday. I'm texting this guy. I'm going to meet this other guy next week. Yeah. You're feeling that energy. And it gives you a little bit confidence too.

Major confidence because you're like I'm the one choosing not being chosen. And that's very different. She had a 50 roster on the air. Yeah. In front of everyone. Literally. She can do it. There you go on.

I love that. What's the biggest mistake women make when they're dating for the first time after a breakup? I feel like scarcity mentality of thinking that there's no one out there that, you know, because I'm on this show, because I have a son, because I don't have time, because I Uber eats and there couldn't be someone for me like, and I don't feel like you have that mentality, but I think a lot of women do that they feel like there's no one left for them. There's no good men left. I feel like I had that right after, but I'm like growing out of that now. Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah, of course. It just took some time. A lot of, and that's totally natural, but a lot of women feel that way. And I'm like, you're working. You're working. You're working. it's become your reality, there are 8 billion people on this fucking planet. Yeah. There's going to be someone for you. Exactly. There is.

I love that. I love that. Yeah, that's true. 100%. Yeah. You create that energy for yourself. I love that. You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself reaching for over and over again?

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That's QI-N-C-E dot com slash reality hits. Again, that's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash reality hits. hits. Check them out. You will love it, guys. Do you need a period where you deliberately stay single before getting back out there, or is that just another made-up rule? I feel like you'll know when you're ready, but I feel

like there's that phrase that's like the best way to get over someone is to get over someone else. I'm like, kind of true. I've said that on here a couple times already. I feel like that's kind of true, right? I feel like is true, and I don't think it's a bad thing. I think also like you're having a fling, having fun. Like, I don't think you jumped into, not you, but anyone, I think jumping into something serious, sometimes you can't control when you meet someone.

Yeah. And sometimes relationships end a lot sooner than they actually officially ended. Right. Yeah. Exactly. You become like roommates or something towards the end and it's like, no, no, no. Right. I feel like our generation is a lot better.

How old are you? I don't know. I'm three, two. Are you a millennial? Millennial. Okay. I don't know the cutoff ages, but we are too. I feel like our generation is a lot more open about sex and stuff.

For sure. Because I'm from Kentucky, Bible Bell, you know, religious family. And I'm not like trying to be no ho or anything. But at the same time, I feel like our generation is a lot more open and able to talk about that stuff. Definitely. And I like that. Absolutely. Because I think sex is important.

Oh, yeah. In a relationship, 100%. Or dating. I mean, I don't know, like, the rules on dating. I haven't dated in like over six years. But, I mean, I would think sex is a big part of the. that process of dating. I think it's very important. You should want to talk about it. Yes. Exactly. You should. If you don't, then what are we doing? You should want to fuck them.

You should. You should. You should tell this episode. I love that. Okay. What if I said Serena, I don't even know what dating looks like anymore. Where would you tell me to start? I know you're saying, change my circle. Change my circle. Change your circle. Comfort zone. I think get on the app. Yeah. If not Raya, one of the other ones. I think it's just, I always felt when I was single, it was either on zero dates or I was on three dates. I always felt like you just, even one date is going to get you into that rhythm and that groove. And so going on a date with someone, maybe on the dating up that you're not like, okay, it's not

like the most gorgeous guy in the world. Fine. It doesn't matter. It's for practice. It's for vibes. Love it. That's nice. That's how you start.

You just got to start. Girls got to eat. Girls got to eat. Dinner. Girls got to talk. Pay for your own dinner. But yeah. I would probably be the person that goes on a dinner date and I'm like, I'll pay for it.

Like I need to not do that. He's crazy. Hire her. That is a no, because men show their interest through pursuing, and they pursue by making a plan with you, and they should pay because they made that plan. Okay. That makes sense. Let them feel masculine.

Because I've been very successful, knock on wood, and I don't mind if a guy isn't as successful as me. That's fine. But she should still, like my 23-year-old boyfriend at the time was still paying for those days. Right. Because it's about them being a man and not feeling a masculine. Right. They don't have to take you to Nobu Malibu.

Oh, no. I wouldn't care. It doesn't matter. Let them pay because that shows them that they are interested. Okay. Yeah. I do like that. And if they want to split the bill, no.

No. It's disgusting. Gosh. Run. I think that's a red flag. Run. Massive. Yeah.

Okay. Let's talk about the biggest idea in your book. You are the prize. Yeah, baby you are. What does that actually mean without turning into I'm amazing and no man is good enough for me? Right. It's a slippery slope, right? Well, I think if you have that mentality, then you're not going to have a partner.

Right. I think being the prize is about the way he treats you, like making sure that you are treated in a great way. It totally can mean that you can date someone less successful than you. Like, it totally means that you could date someone who maybe wasn't your type on paper. But ultimately, the thing that I care most about is that they're committed to you. They make you feel safe. They make you feel seen.

They make you come. You know, those are the things that, to me, like, that is what a prize is. Yeah. If the second that they're not making you feel those things, next. Right. Like legit next. Something I have realized about like being successful and stuff, like men get intimidated by that sometimes.

Okay. I'm going to stop your right. I understand. You know what I mean? I would go on dates and be like, don't look at my social media. Right. I was so afraid they were going to see the followers. They were going to see the content.

And I did a lot of dating content too. So I was like, oh my God. And then the irony was that my partner, like I met him through his podcast where He invited me as a guy because he loved my career. Right. I love my social media. That's great, yeah. So it's like the right person.

Yeah. You'll never do the wrong thing with the right person. You'll never mess it up. They're going to see you for you and they're going to love that about you and they're going to love that you're successful and like be inspired by you. So you can't. You can't. There's no hiding.

I'm on TV. There are so many women. We know so many women, especially in LA that are so successful and they all have men. So like, or partners. Like it doesn't, it doesn't mean. Yeah. not hide any of that part of yourself. Well, it's wild.

Another part of, like, dating with such a, being a public figure, like, they can Google everything about me. They could literally watch my life for 11 years. They can't. All the ups and down. But now everyone has social media. And to be honest, these are so much information about everyone. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's true. And it's your job. And there's so many other people that are in reality television and in actors and things like, I don't know. We all have jobs. We all have professions. We all have shit. That is a good perspective that everybody is putting their life on social.

Everyone. Yeah. Everyone has a whole ass archive. Yeah. I'm like, I hope we, you know. Yeah. We can get so much information. Don't let that be.

Don't let that intimidate you. I'll let that upset. Like, don't let that get in your way. Love it. Yeah. I'm like actually taking this as like a dating lesson one-on-one. How can you tell whether you're at, you actually believe you're the prize versus just posting quotes about it on Instagram? Because everyone posts the great stuff or like stuff on Instagram.

You only post like the positive. of the good stuff for the most part. You know, some people share more. But how do you actually know? I think it's, for me, confidence is about treating yourself like your best friend. Right. Right. Because if she said to you, I'm never going to meet someone, you would immediately know what to say to her, right?

Facts. Which is like, you're obviously going to fucking meet someone. Yeah. But to yourself, sometimes you're so self-critical. You're the worst. Like, you're so mean to yourself. I think all women need to talk to themselves better. In the mirror.

Yeah. Like literally in the mirror. make eye contact with yourself. Whenever you're about to put yourself down, just get in front of there and hype yourself up because you would always know what to say to your best friend. Whether she got ghosted, lost her job, like anything. Went through a breakup, a divorce.

Like, you would know exactly what to say. Yeah. You have to say that to yourself. Yes. That is what being the prize is. I'm going to say something funny, Jasmine. Hopefully you don't care. We were in the car on the way here and Jasmine was like,

my head is so big. I was like, Jasmine. She was like, my head is so big. And I was like, Jasmine, I was like, you are gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous. I was like, but I was like, you know what? We all look at ourselves and point out the things that we don't like about ourselves instead of the things that we love about ourselves.

All the time. Yeah. But we would never do that to our best friend. No. So how can you treat yourself like that? And you don't have a big kid. I love that. But I love that.

No, she's right. I like, I love everything you just said about that. Like talking more like amazingness into yourself. Everyone needs to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Literally.

But you, the girl and I always use the mirror as an example because I feel like it's easier. Instead of telling yourself, you're like, I'm great about it. If you look in the mirror and you're like, you're a bad bitch, you're going to meet your man. Whatever it may be, you're going to crush this podcast. When you're saying it to you, it's almost like that reflection is someone else. It's the second person. So it feels like easier to hype that person up than yourself. Right.

Right. And so that's why I think the mirror tool is so helpful if you want to build your confidence. Also, it's painless. It's free. You have no fucking excuse. Yeah. That's true. I love that.

I love that. I'm going to go home and Doug. You are fucking hot. No, that's amazing. No, seriously. I love that. If you start doing that, it will change your life. It will change every aspect of your life.

I didn't even think of that. You're the one person you're with your entire life. Why aren't you giving her the love that you give to everyone else? Exactly. You take care of your people. You got to take care of yourself. What's something that women who do know their worth never do with a guy?

If that man is not responding to you for days. And then he suddenly hits you up being like, hey, you're, that's it. The boundary's done. Yeah. No more situations. Their worth would do. Stop. Stop with that.

Yeah. Situationships are not great. No. Either you're dating or not. Like, there's no in between. Right. Okay. And I've been doing situationships as well.

And it's just like, Lord. It's okay if you're in a position where you don't want something serious and you know, playing around having fun. But if you want a serious relationship enough, you have to clear the space. Right. And the second a man shows you that he's not fully committed to you or like doesn't like you enough to date to text you because men that like you, they will text to you. Yep. Then you have to set that boundary. It's on you too.

It's so easy to be like, manor trash, man or trash. But okay, but you also have to decide what is not going to work for you. We're allowing it. Correct. Also, and whenever you don't know, be like, if my best friend was going through this. Yeah. What would you say to her? Boom, you got to do yourself.

True. So easy to say it to someone else. You're so good at those. Wow. No wonder you wrote a book. And then, like, what's the saying? They do, like, if they wanted to. They would.

They're not texting you back. That's crazy. If they wanted to, they would. Even if you're trying to have fun, it's like, it's just rude. Yeah. It is. It's so rude. I hate that.

What's something women think is confident dating behavior that actually screams insecurity? So I'll talk about something I did. Okay. Which was I would sleep with men all the time when I was dating them. Like on the first date, second date. Like I would just like, because I thought that that would make them want me more. Right. I thought like it was like confident.

Like I don't give a fuck. I can like date like a man. Like I don't care. I think deep down I wanted their validation. I thought that would make them close. to me, but all it did was make me go fucking crazy. It made me obsessed with them because of the oxytocin and all the hormones released after we had slept together.

And it didn't let me observe them from a place of like, do I actually like you or did we just have sex and I'm totally clouded in my judgment? Yeah, true. So I don't, if you want to have sex with a man on first day and second, do whatever you want, but ultimately, like, just know that it might alter your perception of the situation. It's better to wait and like get to know them with your clothes on. Yeah. It's what I would tell by younger self.

Right. That's hard to do. That's real. Well, that is very real. Very real. Okay. I think we need to build my list. What's the list?

So you're telling me. It's found, okay, so your list is the characteristics you want in your future partner. Okay. But it's not like six, five, blue eyes, heavy meat. Right. It's, I would like to, I want to be attracted to them. I want them to be able to bribe financially for themselves, but also taking me on nice days. Right.

I want them to be able to be emotionally there. for me. It's about those values versus like the ones that you want to flex on Instagram. Right. So why don't you name a couple? I think family's very important. I would never have anybody around my son for like a long time, but like they would have to be

open to that eventually. You know, if I was going to be somewhere. And I think it's a huge red flag if they're not close to like their mom or their dad you know, unless it's something that they went through, you know, there can be some exceptions like how you were raised and if something bad.

You know, it's something they can't control. But I think that family is very important. I think having fun with somebody is super important. Like, I want to be able to laugh. I laugh more than anything. I will, like, sometimes I laugh too much, and people are like, why does she laugh so much? I was getting hated on for laughing too much on the Valley last season. I'm like, y'all are hating on me for being happy.

Like, why be happy? I can do anything right. Most important quality. Yeah, I think, like, laughing with somebody, having fun with somebody, somebody who is, kind to everyone. Great. You know, because, like, another huge red flag. If you're rude to a waiter, rude to somebody in the airport, like, I cannot stand that

because I'm so not like that. Right. And I think that is awful. God, I can go on and on. Okay, so what I want you to do. Like, I can go on and all. I want you to do is I want you to go home. And I want you to write all these things down.

Like, literally on a list. And then tuck it away and put it away. I put it in my phone. Great. Do that. I want you to do that. Okay. I had 69.

That was going to be my next question. Yeah. You had 69 things on yours. Is that a dating list or a hostage negotiation? I'm dead. No, I mean, I think it was, but it was like that. It was like kind. It wasn't like what appearance.

No, there was no like, there was no even age on it, which is funny because when I look at the list, it's literally my boyfriend, but it's not, I didn't have age. But I wrote like, you know, I didn't want him to get like too intoxicated a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I just didn't make me feel safe. I thought like it was just, but I do. think it's like be specific but not to the point of like superficial right right did that with my wife

and you did see i swear i always say i manifest her i wrote a list about everything i wanted i didn't say i said i said i just said a person i say male or female yeah love every little detail like and it was things and it was at least i see yeah talk about it something can i say something that your mom said what like when we were trying on your dresses and stuff what she's that um it was great she was like um talking about how jasmine had always been had like hard relationships and stuff and that she would always pray and be like, I want the right man to come for Jasmine. I want this, blah, blah,

and then she says she changed her prayers to, I want the right person to come for Jasmine. I get chill about. I literally have chill about. And it made me like tear up because it was just like your families, both of your families are so awesome accepting and loving. And it was just so beautiful to see her mom say that. But does that make you want to rate the list?

Yes. Yeah, you should. I didn't know you did that with Melissa. Yeah. What was on there? I wanted somebody who's into their family, good morals, values, like things that aligned with me. Yeah. From the East Coast, like, all these, like, little random stuff, like, dark-haired. Like, I didn't say male and female.

You know, I just kept to, like, what exactly I wanted. And I just went through, like, every little thing, like she said, just kind of detailed. Yeah. Every little thing I wanted. I didn't say, like, blue eyes or anything's like that, but just more, like, who the person is. Exactly. A cool thing about Melissa and Jasmine is they were from the same area. Oh, yeah.

And they didn't even meet to. I'm getting a little later in life. Crazy whole. Yeah. So I'm just telling you never, I just open your mind. I'm not saying you have the date of woman, but just open, like you said, like, be open to different things or not, you know, you like a tall guy. Maybe you're going to put a short man.

Like, who knows, but just be open to that. That's why I'm like, break the list and never look at it again. Right. Yeah. I'm definitely, I'm definitely straight. Literally. Put it away. I'm definitely strictly dickly.

So. No, I know. I know you are. But I, but I, I, uh, I love their love. And it's like, their relationship is like one of the strongest of all my friend. Yeah. And it's so beautiful, you know, and they just got married not that long ago. So, yeah, and I was a bradz.

Of course. Yeah, just be open, I think. Yeah, open. Just whatever you're going to receive out there. That's great. This time of year always sneaks up on me. Schedule shift, routines change, and suddenly I'm scrambling by 6 p.m. with nothing figured out for dinner.

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What's one thing women don't put on their list that absolutely should be on there? Safety. Oh, yes. I'm putting that as number one on my name. Chapter 15, safety first. It's in my book. I realize that the number one thing was that you need to feel safe to be completely yourself.

I would edit myself so much when I would go on dates. I would like, if they were ordering a burger, I would be like, I'm going to order a salad. Like I would always just, I would tell, I just felt like I could never, I'd be like texting. I'd be like literally paralyzed being like, what do I say to him? What do I do? It's the worst. And then of course, I met my boyfriend and never did that, never thought a single thing. I was felt so safe to be myself.

Right. So that is the most important quality to work for. That is. And a lot of people wouldn't even think to put that on there, even though we all want that, but like, we just don't think to put that. The second you start performing, the second you start editing. or you're feeling anxious, that's when it's a no. Right. It's not the person for you.

Not butterflies, just like. Right. I don't think you should feel butterfly. Really? I think it's, the excitement is fine, but I think that, like, there's a difference. Like, I think, I don't know. I used to feel, like, actually anxious. Yeah.

Or the butterfly's excitement or the butterfly's anxiety. You have to discern between the two. Got it. But, like, if you ever feel the need where you're, like, I don't know what to say, like, that, I don't know. Like that's not good because you should just like it should just flow the right out of you. Right. Yep.

She feels peaceful. I love you. I love you too. I love you. Chemistry versus chaos. You say women can confuse anxiety for chemistry. It's like we're like going in order like with what the questions I have written for you. You say women can confuse anxiety for chemistry.

How do you tell the difference? I think it's that. It's just like whenever you're feeling like. Someone messaged me the other day and they're just like, I've been on a couple days with this guy. Like, how do I stop myself from being obsessed with them? I'm like, see, that to me is a red flag. Right.

Because I'm like, if it's the right person, you won't ever have to like psych yourself out of feeling the way you're feeling, right? But the reason you're doing that is because maybe you're over compensating because deep down, you know it's not right. God, you're good. That's real. I'm like, God, you're good. If you're used to a dramatic relationship.

Mm-hmm. I'm in there. Can a healthy guy actually feel. feel boring at first? I think so, right? Like, I think you're kind of like, your brain chemistry kind of changes and you are kind of like addicted to chaos for a while and that's like something you have to, like I've had to work on that. For sure. But we know it's not sustainable. Yeah. It's not at all. I grew up in that environment as a kid. So I was like, I want something so fucking stable. Right. And like, that's what's going to be ultimately sustainable. But you don't want to feel bored.

Right. You don't. And I think that there's a difference. Right. Yeah. I don't, I don't feel bored. I think the laughing thing is so important. I'm so glad you mentioned. Oh, it's like one of my biggest things. Because if you can have that peaceful and then the laughing, you're never going to be fucking bored. Exactly. You can you cut you up all the time? Yeah. How can you find that? Right? That balance. Yeah. Laughter and fun is so

important. But raising your voice, especially if you're going to doors, no, none of that. No, no. I can never go through any of that. No. Oh, goodness. Absolutely not. I was going to ask about butterflies and we already have that. You have a great line in the book. A Crush is just a lack of information.

Explain that a little bit. I like that. I just would go and I don't know if you all felt this way, but I'm saying y'all because I'm getting back. Oh, I love it. North Carolina Ruth. Yeah. I don't know if you felt this way,

but I like would go on a date with a couple, go on a date with a guy, maybe two dates. And I would develop an insane crush, which was because I didn't know him yet, but the story I would write in my head about it. He was a love of my life. My name sounds amazing with his last name. Yeah.

We all been there. Right. And it's like, typically, if you're feeling the need to write the Oscar nominated film about your relationship, the rom-com, it's like slow down. And the way to slow down, it's also to have the roster, right? Because you're not going to be obsessing to if you're dating a bunch of people at time and you're feeling in control. Right. That's going to make you feel in control again when you have options. I love that.

But like, I would just, something else to stop doing is like, I don't know, the texting, like that talking stage of like a dating. is going on a date in front of you face to face. Right. To a meal, to drinks, etc. The texting thing is a very slippery slope. I would be texting guys for months and I'd be convinced that we're going to be a boyfriend and girlfriend. And then they would dump me and I'd be like shocked, so upset. And my friends would be like, well, how many days do you go on?

I go, two. And they go, see, you want on two days and two months? Yeah. And you're confused. So be careful with the texting. texting is for logistics and like, you know, confirmation and cute little flirting, but not getting to know. Okay.

Yeah. That's a great. That's true. Yeah. Because they could be doing that with a lot of people. Yeah. I think about that. Oh, yeah. That is true.

Copy and paste. And with AI now, they could have someone just a bot text. Seriously. How do people figure it out? Do I actually like him or do I just like that he likes me? Keep dating them. Mm-hmm. Just keep going on dates and see.

Right? And then date multiple people because that's what's great about the contrasting, right, and comparing. You're going to know instantly. Right. Right. Versus like if you're just dating one guy, you're just so happy. that finally someone's giving you attention and planning and texting you.

But if you're dating multiple guys, you're like, okay, they're all doing that. So I actually like Brian more than Ben. Right. Yeah. God, you're good. I'm going to keep saying that every time. Good. I love it.

How much should we trust the ick? Sometimes the ick is really, is sometimes the ick really intuition. And sometimes are we just looking for a reason to run? Hmm. Hmm. Sometimes I'm like, you got to get a grip. Because I think that like I had partners to the house. I don't know about you guys.

but like who like they would show up to date like they dressed horribly like and I'm like I don't think that that's a reason to not date someone that can be changed yep right true so I hope god willing right yeah yeah but I think that sometimes we tend to put like barriers up because we like we don't we're afraid of being seen we're afraid of actually the vulnerability that comes with dating so we'll find any little problem like oh they didn't do this they didn't do that instead of being like you're not going to find a build a bare man like it's not a perfect or woman or woman or whoever. I'm just speaking to the one because obviously only people have dated. But you can't construct the perfect person. So I think that like in the beginning, finding all the things wrong

with them, like try to operate from like a place of positivity. Right. Yeah. And I think that I don't know, I feel like people get really fixated on like the dress or like the shoes. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like maybe take a second. I do like if I got has good shoes. I think shoes actually tell you a lot. Yeah. My grandma always said that to me. She really said whatever. She said whatever. you look at a man look at his shoes and then she went into her retirement home for a bit then she laughed but like I don't know she like went in she was like I don't want to do it anymore she's a baddie and she literally was like a guy like hit on me essentially and he was wearing cross oh yeah no she said no yeah I've always been in a shoes I have a million shoes

myself and like my son is like a sneaker head already and you know I just I love your shoes are where we draw the line but let's what if you said like I would okay so my boyfriend he wore a turtleneck on our first or second date and I thought he looked really good He's European, he's French, but it just was giving, it was giving guy, and like these tight hands, and I was like, and it kind of gave me the ick. Like, it did, but not enough to run away. Too tight.

And then when we started dating, I go, I never want you to wear a turtle neck again. And he hasn't. And he hasn't. And he hasn't. So that's what I'm saying. Yeah, like, don't get that ick. Keep it open minds.

Oh, my goodness. I love it. Okay. Potential practice or plots. Okay. I love this because it means. even a horrible date isn't a waste. Yes.

Walk me through the 3P theory, potential practice or plot. 3P theory. I believe there's no such thing as a shitty date in the sense that when you go on a date, you're looking for three things. He's either potential. And potential doesn't mean potential for a husband, potential for marriage. It means potential for a second date. Okay.

Got it. Then you're on the date and you're realizing kind of five minutes and, you know, there isn't really potential for a second date, which actually puts you in a place where you're like, okay, I'm going to use this as practice. This is a great way for me to be to be. start feeling loose, feeling good. I could tell a joke that I was going to fly. You're just going to

feel like the stakes are low. The pressure's off because it's just for practice, right? And then let's say the date goes horribly. It's for the plot. You can tell on your podcast. You can tell it to your best friends at brunch. You could write it in your memoir. You can tell your kids one day. So regardless of what the date is, it's going to be a win,

win, win. Right. I like that. I love that. What's the best plot date you've ever had? Once I went home with a guy, this was in my like, ho phase. Sorry, we all have one. I fainted in the shower with him. We were taking a shower together and I fainted. And like we didn't know each other.

Yeah. What? Never spoke to me again. But you know what? Can you believe that? It was too hot, baby. I was like, damn, what are you doing in there? I kind of have a funny shower story.

I was taking a, we were in the shower. And whenever I got out, I slipped on the floor and fell on my ass, butt-necked. It was so immortal. Sorry, I'm just picturing. Yeah, exactly. I was like, oh, Lord. Yeah. Oh, goodness.

It was crazy. Okay. For someone like me who's rusty, should I actually want a few practice dates? I feel like you're going to say yes. Oh, Lord. Get on the day. Okay.

And I want updates, by the way. Okay. All right. Let's get into the roster a little bit. Okay. Explain the roster to me. Why three? Well, we talked about this.

It's important to have a roster. I know. We kind of gone Thursday, but I've got so many questions for you. You're so cute. We talked about this. We have to have a roster. It's like Goldilocks. Like we got to see which one's just right.

Right. I love it. How do you keep track because I'm going to need a spreadsheet? So a lot of people bring that up to me. Like, do you think we need to keep track of their details and stuff? I don't know. I think I could do it. I think you could do it.

Three? Yeah. What if you like text the wrong person? You're not going to do that. I don't think you would do that unless you, Yeah, no, I don't think you would do that. No, you got it. Three.

What's the difference between keeping your options open and playing games? I think you're single until you're not. Yeah. That's it. True. I hear that. You're single until you're not. Yeah.

So until you're official, you keep dating. Yep. First date rules. You say two drinks and ditch. Why are you anti-dinner for a first date? Because it's too fucking long. I agree on that. I agree on that when I was dating.

It's too long. Get out. Also, like, then you feel kind of. kind of obligated to stay. And you know within the first 15 minutes, if you like them out, right? I think the issue is the marathon date. It's like it's going so well. So you're like, let's stay.

Let's get another round. Let's go to another bar. And then you get cloudy because you're thinking, oh, I really like them. But was it the alcohol or was it like, was it just the time spent? And I also, I don't know, after two drinks, like nothing good is happening after two drinks. Yeah, I was going to say. Maybe don't do that. If it's going well, keep it up.

Leave first, always. It'll make you feel good in the morning, feel empowered. And if they want to see you again, they're going to plan another date. That's true. Let them pursue your ass. I like that. I think people always say like, do dinner, do dinner. But it's like, you're right.

And I've never thought about that way. It's too long. Just go straight to the conversation. And then you feel like you kind of owe them because like a dinner bill is going to be larger than a drink skill, right? And it's up to even be alcohol. You can obviously like do like whatever. Yeah.

But it's just. Then you feel like you owe them something maybe. Yeah. It's the first day. This is a good question to ask advice. on. What if somebody already knows my whole relationship history because it's been so public? Do I address

it or let them bring it up? That's a good question. That is a good question. I don't know. I think it really it's up to you. I think how you are feeling with that certain person. Yes, but I also think that your energy about it is going to

dictate the whole situation and their energy right. When I would go on it, I would say, don't look at my social media. So, of course, they were like, she's ashamed. I'm obviously going to fucking love. And then that created weirdness. If you're just like confidently like, yeah, this happened. It was done and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'm feeling great.

I'm so excited to date. Boom, done. Okay. You know, they're going to match that energy. I love that. Fuck knows, red flags and never settle again. All right. If he wanted to, he would.

Well, we all, we've been talking about that. So we know that's really true. What about these certain questions? What you're thinking to yourself? He's just a bad texture. he's really busy with work. He's just scared because he really likes me. Like a lot of women tell ourselves.

Yeah. Excuses. Yeah. Yeah. A man is, we all know that a man that is genuinely interested in you is going to have urgency and is going to want to make sure

that you feel wanted. Yeah. I love it. Okay, I'm just going to do a rapid fire and then I have two questions I ask every guess before you go. Okay. Okay, so this is fuck yes or fuck no?

Great. Is that your answer? Love. Okay. Slotting in. into his DMs. Fuck yes. Love it.

Letting a friend set you up. Fuck, yes. Checking his ex's Instagram. Fuck, we're going to do it. Yeah. Double texting. Fuck no, baby. Okay.

Sending the first text after the date. No, fuck no. No. No. Accepting a last minute date. No, fuck no, fuck no. Okay. Giving a guy a second chance after he cancels.

Fuck yes. Okay. One more chance. Okay. A guy who's perfect on paper, but there's no spark. Fuck no. Yep. Checking his phone once you're in a relationship.

Fuck, yeah. Fuck no, fuck no, fuck no, fuck no. Yeah. Because then the trust is. Sorry, sorry. I think fuck no, but I'm like, like, he says to me, if you want to look at my phone, you can. He's not like password protected. It's scary.

I don't have a reason to. Exactly. Got you. Most underrated green flag. This is just so. Makes you laugh. Safety first. Yeah.

All the things. Yeah. Laughing was big. It is big. So big. Okay, I ask everybody this when they come on. If you could be on any reality TV show, what would it be? I feel like, I mean, Love Island looks so fun.

No, no, no, no, no, not, not. Like, I obviously am so happy right now, but in my 20s, I feel like that would have been really fun. Yeah. I think now, Real Housewives of New York City. Love it. Yeah. Love it. So I'm a born-in-broad New Yorker, you know.

Yeah. Who is your favorite reality TV star of all time? Oh, my gosh. You're really putting me on the spot. I know. I mean, that's really hard. It could be somebody from years ago, current, like, I get so many different answers.

Yeah. Can I come back to me? Oh, I'm going to find answers. Well, that's the last question. That's the last question. Yeah. I know it's hard. There's so many iconic people.

During. Yeah, there's so many iconic people. Yeah. Give me some show. Well, you like housewops. Who's your favorite from the housewashed? Yeah, well, I mean, Bethany was great. We got like, I love New York days.

I love New York. Flavor Flavis. What else? What other shows? I forget. Real Housewives. Or, obviously, real housewives. Real World.

There's like so many. I don't know. I'm trying to think of other. Flavor of Fame is my answer. Okay. I saw him actually recently. Really? Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. The way he like, he like, hugged. Like, we posed for a picture in the way. He's like a whole arm is around me. I was like, damn. I love it. Okay, everybody.

Get Serena's new book. Let's fucking date. Become the prize. enjoy the ride and never settle again. It's out now wherever you get books. Where can people find you on social, Instagram, TikTok before you go? Serena Kerrigan, all of it.

Thank you, ladies, so much. I had so much fun. Thank you for help with our girl here out. That was so much fun. And I'm going to take everything that you said. Yeah, you better. I am going to, I promise. Thanks everybody for tuning in

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