Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes) - Ike Barinholtz

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

This week Ted Danson tests a Jeopardy champion’s ocean knowledge! Actor and writer Ike Barinholtz (“The Studio”) plays a round of his trivia podcast “Funny You Ask” with Ted. He also talks about why Sam Malone was one of the hottest characters in TV history, writing on Mad TV in his 20s, his love for the ‘90s Bulls, and the “game” of comedy. Like watching your podcasts?  Visit http://youtube.com/teamcoco to see full episodes.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When you come on my show, I will treat you with the kiddest of gloves. I will give you topics. I would love to come up. Can we do it right now? Yes. Okay. Okay. Welcome back to where everybody knows your name.

Ike Barron Holtz is a scarily gifted talent. First of all, he's an Emmy nominated actor of shows like the studio, Eastbound and Down, the Mindy Project, and so much more. And if that wasn't enough, he is a genius. And I mean it. A celebrity, Jeopardy. champion who's won one million dollars for charity. And it's fitting that a game show champion would host a trivia podcast himself.

Ike's show is called Funny You Ask, and you can find it wherever you get podcasts. Here is Ike Barronolus. How are you, ma'am? Let's get our fluids in. Good. This is my sugar for the day, by the way. What is it? What are you got?

I'm paleo. Paleo. William Paleo, found in CBS. Yes. No, wait, what is his name? Paley. Paley.

No sugar or a little sugar. No carbs? No carbs. I mean, yeah, and it changed me for the better. Really? For real, noticeably changed me overnight. Yeah, because you were famously an unattractive man in Hollywood. And now people are like finally taking notice.

And I don't burp quite as much as I used to. The stomach has settled down. And there's a golden age for people who are gluten-free, I feel like. There's so many options out there, whether it be pasta or bread. I'm here to promote my gluten-free grain company. I'm going to call myself out quickly because otherwise I'll get into trouble. Whenever I'm around somebody incredibly bright, zip it, and incredibly funny, my temptation is to think that I can run with the bulls.

And then I'm fucked up immediately. You are the bull. No, no. Yes, sir. Okay, we're in trouble. We're going downhill. Did I fuck it up, Joe? What time does Woody come?

Do you see the little sometimes? That's very meaningful. He lasted maybe two months, and then he came to me. And we have a contract to do 45, and I think we did about 12 of these podcasts. He is the greatest. I've worked with him several times. Tell me with. First time I worked with Woody was, if you remember, maybe five or six years ago,

Jamie Kimmel and Norman Lear put back on All in the Families. Yes. Live in front of a studio audience in ABC. And he was Archie and I was Meathead. Okay. See, now I didn't know that because I am very competitive and jealous with him. So whenever he's in something good, I go out of my way not to watch it. So I'm sorry I missed you.

That's okay. I like that, though. I like when we have a little pettiness with our friends. I'm very similar. So I did that live in front of a studio audience with Woody. Loved them. Couldn't have hit it off more. So funny.

One of the most original songs out there. Yes, an original. Did you say song? Song, yeah. Amy Poehler always refers to that someone's song. Yeah, no, that is him. That's him. And then we did another one of those, like six months later maybe.

And then we did a show for HBO called White House Plumbers. Oh, I'm sorry, yes. Yeah, where he played E. Howard Hunt. Yeah. And Thoreau played Liddy. It was a white, Watergate show. And so we got to spend some time in New York together and just love him, love his family. Me too.

Beautiful guy. He's one of those. Oh, I know who he is. No, I don't. Oh, wait. I'm sorry, you're a poet, too. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you're like, oh, like, like, politically, like, I think I got you figured out, and then he'll throw a takeout there. I was like, really fascinating. Somebody once called him a redneck hippie. That's the perfect. Yes. He is a redneck hippie. Very special.

Whenever he doesn't show up, call me. I live close. I'll come over and just kind of be his surrogate. I have one more confession. I don't know why I look at you and want to start confessing. Yeah. Because I think you can see right through me. Because you also know that I spent my formative years in seminary.

That is not true. I'm Jewish. I was testing you. But you can confess anything to me, please. Are you checking that? Oh, fuck. I have the wrong day. Shit.

Oh, my. Here's my confession. I'm a little stoned. And I don't mean on weed. I woke up this morning after three hours sleep and went, oh, I got to get more. So I took another melatonin gum. Sure. Okay.

And that for me, that shit works. That's what I'm a little. It's as if I'm a little drunk and about to fall asleep. That's how it feels. If you fall asleep while we're in like if I'm the middle of an anecdote and you fall asleep, it will be a viral video. It will go viral. People will be like, you've got to watch this clip of Ike Barrett-Holtz, literally boring Ted Danson into a slumber. Won't happen.

If it does, don't fight it. just gently not all. I will sit here to look awkward. And before you know it, chiching, views, views equal money. Why are you looking at them so much? Just because I naturally play to an audience, I feel like. And I am a bit of a stricent where that is my better,

that's my best angle right there. I just naturally kind of turn to people, I think. Yeah. You know, it's so funny, this will be interesting. Because when I said, I don't want to pretend I can run with the bulls and keep up with you. banter. They call me on pretty much every set I've ever been the improvisation killer.

I will do one round. I'll bat it back. It's through. Then I'll bat it. Then I'll scream and giggle and can't go on. Did you ever, I mean, I guess you were, did you ever get into any improvisational theater like way back in the day when you were on college or anything like that? It wasn't to be around as much. No, but. The training was Sandy Meisner. training, which is all about working off the other person and not initiating what to do, letting the other person initiate what you're doing. Don't be so enamored with what you're doing. That is very true. That's what the good improvisers, I think, do, but there's also

the tendency in improv to, like, get a laugh. Sometimes that does come at the expense of the honesty of the moment. That's what, like, a bad improviser does, which I've done many, many bad actors too i just called myself out on this we were talking about elizabeth banks this thing i just finished up doing with her um i was fucking up a scene that i just loved having read the worked on the script and went oh this is an amazing scene and in the middle of it i was going oh fuck i'm not doing it and i realized what i was trying to do is be good as opposed to have fun. My new motto is, have fun.

What are you trying to do? Build a career at 79. Do you want to prove to people you're good? That is a bummer, though, when you have a scene, like it kills the table read and it kills in rehearsal. And you're like, here we go. And then, like, after the first take, you're like, the director comes over, it's like, okay.

And you're like, oh, no. Oh, no. That was good. That was good. But let's try. Yeah, yeah, that's not a fun feeling. I've been there many a time. You had a very funny father.

Yes. Mom. Mom, me and my dad and my brother were like showbiz, actory hams. My mom, who was also a theater. From the get-go. From the get-go. And that really comes really, I think, from my dad. My mom was also a theater major, but she was costume design, wardrobe and that.

So they were doing plays and stuff. And then in our house. house, they were just, both my mom and dad were incredibly comedy forward. My dad was kind of more the goofy, Clark Griswold Chevy Chase, 80s dad. Mom was a little more sarcastic, a little more kind of like, yeah, biting a little bit. But so they were funny people, but most importantly, they let us, they exposed us to a lot of comedy. For example, there was a show called Cheers. And we watched every episode with them. I probably watched 90% of episodes of Cheers the night they aired with my parents sitting together in the room watching it laughing. So they really like raised us on that. Cheers,

Seinfeld, like trading places, you know what I mean? Just classic. Taxio bet. Oh, my earliest memory, truly my earliest memory is sitting in my little tiny bed in my room and hearing Bob James's Angela, the theme from Texas. One of the greatest theme songs of all time. And just hearing that, hearing my parents laugh at it. So they love to laugh and they are very funny themselves. But just most importantly, I think they really exposed us to comedy. Even comedy, it was a little naughty.

You know, we watched an R-rated movie that had boobs in it and swears and stuff. But they really, there was a lot of laughter in our house. For me, my point of view, comedy is harder dance than drama in a way. because it's all in your hands. Yes, yes. You know, as opposed to drama with a really good editor, with a really good story, da, da, da, da, da. Sure.

You can show up drunk and the camera goes, ooh, that's interesting. Yes, yes. Comedy, not so much. It's a little more, I think, just objective in the moment in the sense that if you're doing comedy in a movie or a TV show and you're funny, like, people are laughing.

The crew is laughing. And not that you don't get that in drama, you do get those moments where someone is acting and, like, you know, that when someone is delivering such an amazing emotional moment, everyone is dead silent, people are crying, you get that too, but I just think you get that more with the laughs.

It's more immediate. With comedy, this is funny. That's not, that's not. Everything around it is not. Yes, which is not true, I guess, for drama, where it's like, that was amazing, but then there's also, that was really good. That kind of didn't work.

That was weird, you know what I mean? So to me, it's, but, but, But then when you look at like the really, you know, amazing dramatic actors, I think that there's definitely a level where you're just like, you know, like, you know, Daniel D. Louis might not be funny, but my God, you know. What if he was really funny? What if he did like a like, fairly brothers movie for his next movie? I bet he could. That would be very frustrating. The reason why I interrupted you about your parents, everything is because not only are, you know, the sharing and training and exposing.

kids to laughter, to me, is one of the biggest gifts. But they're also training you to be smart. Yeah. Because you have to be smart to know where the funny is. I do think there needs to be some kind of emotional intelligence in there. I mean, if you're a stand-up, I do think you should have a reference base. You know what I mean? Like, you should kind of know some things.

But I think if you're a comedic actor, just that emotional intelligence should be pretty high to kind of... To read the room. To read the room. Also to tap. into the vulnerability of a character, which is kind of what makes it funny sometimes, or the ego of a character, which makes it funny. So you can navigate that. I think you're going to be a halfway decent comedian. And self-awareness, because you can't, I think if you are dumb or if you're mean, or if you're something purely, you can't, I think me playing San Malone, because I'm not a jock,

I didn't pick women up, I never went to bars. I don't believe that. I know, but it's true. But you, you have a better chance at, I don't know, if you're outside what you're playing as opposed to being just that, I think it's easier for you. Sam Malone, I think, is the hottest character in TV history, I think, for a guy. First of all, and I'm sure people have mentioned this to you,

talk about, like, way ahead of the game in terms of having a sober character on television. That was just simply not a thing. And so to have your main guy working at a bar, the irony of it's funny, but to have that is so cool. But also, you were so hot. You just, I mean, it was like how I modeled the way I talked to women was like equal parts you with like a little bit of like Chevy Chase goofiness with like, I don't know. Probably just that, just that. Maybe like in my mind, I'm like, if I were basketball shorts, they'll equate me with Michael Jordan, which that's.

It's just not happening. But, like, that is really, like, a way that the way you were on that show and your aura on that show, it's just like, it's really, I think about it a lot, my friend. Thank you. You're welcome. That's a lovely compliment. Very true. It's been fun to have you. Thank you so much.

It took you a little longer than some of the other. It's fine. I'll pay for it. Just that you're talking about yours for a moment. That was very important show to us. And I remember very, very clearly. waking up on like a Monday morning or something and finding out, coach passed away.

And I was crushed. He was, I loved him so much. I thought he was the funniest character on the show. And the heart and soul. Heart and soul. The episode with him and his daughter is a top five cheers episode. It is really like,

to have a character, I love when TV shows take a character who is a goofball, like complete goofball coach. Like, you know what I mean? Like, isn't they had too many times by basketball? Like, literally that is so funny. But to give him these bursts of pure emotion and this, I can start crying, thinking about him talking to his daughter.

And she's like, I'm not attractive. And he's like, that is such an amazing thing. And that's when the show went, oh, for everybody, went, oh, different. Different thing. Different thing. So he passed away. And I remember I was so upset. And like a couple weeks later, my dad, this is back when newspapers had TV reporters

and they would say, new actor started. on Cheers, replacing him. And I remember saying to my dad, like, I don't like him. Before he saw him, I was like, I'm not going to like him. He's not going to be coach. And then, like, within six episodes, you're like, actually, he killed with his first joke.

And the audience went, oh, what was the first joke? I don't remember. Do you remember what it was? Oh, like, pen pals, I think. Pen pals. But it wasn't exchanging letters. It was like exchanging pens or something. But it's just incredible when a show is able to do that.

The writing. The writing, right? And then, similarly, you fall in love with Shelley Long. You fall in love with your relationship. It's like literally, like, in TV writer's rooms, people are like, we'll make this a Sam and Diane. And she leaves, and you're like, who do you got? And then you bring in Kirstie Alley, who is, A, I was, like,

had a very big crush on her. Yeah. Just that was so beautiful. An amazing physical specimen. Amazing. Incredible. So deeply funny. Yeah.

Such a funny character. So funny that she was just like, it kind of hated all you guys and thought you were kind of like just like trash, like Boston trash. You know what I mean? And a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown at all moments. At all moments. Yeah.

I remember the scene when like, it's finally going to happen. You're like in a restaurant and it's finally going to happen. You're finally going to get Rebecca. And she's kind of like touching your hand. And she's like, I'm going to stand up and we should go. And she stands up and you go, I can't. And I was like, you know, whatever the 12-year-old means.

It's a boner. It's a bono. And it went by the censors. That's not you didn't get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyways, I just, and one last thing I'll say about it, too. As we all know, ending a series, that last episode, very hard. Very difficult to do.

A lot of shows get it wrong. A lot of shows just kind of with it. Yeah. Best last episode of them. Hey, you, thank you, yeah. Truly. You got a taste of Jimmy Burroughs. I did, man.

I got to spend a little time with him. Yeah. And I... The co-creator of Cheers and everything else. Every episode or most... Minus 20, all of Will & Grace, beginning of friends. The Michael Jordan of multi-cam directing. Never will be anyone better, like goaded.

He said to me, I remember I said no one time, I said... Did he call you, honey? what are you called? I guarantee he had naids slipped by like a comma, but yeah. Right before we went out there when we were doing the second one of the live in front of a studio audience, it was very emotional. The country was going through some weird stuff. It was the holidays.

We knew we were not going to do this again. And just Jimmy. Maybe it was the first one, actually. And Jimmy looked at us in a circle and goes, everyone remember this moment because you'll never be here again. And that's such a funny piece of advice because it plays this kind of. very obvious or kind of a joke, but it really, if you dig a little bit there, it's just like, this is it. This is what you're about to do right now. This is it. And then you'll do a different thing, but you'll never have this. And I think about that a lot. I really do. I was very sad

when he, when he passed. At my age, you start to say that about pretty much everything, but not just because of fear of death, but it's like, it's the truth. Yeah. You're like, when am I going to go back to the south of France again? You know what I mean? Like, my, my My folks are around your age, and there's times where it's like, I can tell there's moments where they're like, yeah, we're probably never going to do this again. And it's beautiful and sad, but that's life. But it's also this, it's like the same thing as don't try to be good. Try to have fun. You know, I have to remind myself if I'm bummed or depressed over something stupid, go, wake the fuck.

Yeah, I know. This is your life. Pretty, pretty lucky, my friend. Yeah. Pretty lucky. You know what movie I love? The Onion Field. You're a good podcaster.

I am. And you know that I'm a little out of control and drunk. So you've taken over. I'm just like, I have you here now, and I'm just going to mention things that I've always wanted to say. I love that movie. Really disturbing. I was working on what to say to you. I missed the compliment.

Which one are we talking? The Onion Field. Do you see how I said which one? Yeah. The Onion Field. Wow. My dad, I remember my parents rented that one and watched it. And I remember they let me watch dramas too or action movies that were a little mature.

Joe Wambah. Joe Wambah, James Woods. Amazing performance. James Woods, who I'm sure politically him and I don't agree on much. Yeah. One of the best actors of all time. I really do think that. I've never seen him be bad.

Like, I've seen bad movies he's been in. But like he's just one of those guys where even if he has like, like in casino he has like two scenes incredible yeah yeah incredible actor gotta give him to love i'm actually doing his podcast right after this so can we write this one up you just take a clip and slice it in funny you ask which i watch the one with darcy oh god this is she

obsessed obsessed with her yeah she's very gentle with me which i advise you to be as well When you come on my show, I will treat you with the kiddest of gloves. I will give you topics. I would love to come up. But just in case, you know, it's not in the fates, can we do it right now? Yes. Okay.

Okay. Here's the deal. Yes. I actually have a research team right here who will be on my side. Okay. Okay. Do you want to pick what I can ask you about? But here's what you can ask me about.

Okay. Talk to me. Oceans. Anything. Anything's oceans. Anything. Funny way is it. I do. It's trivia-based, so that's where this is coming from.

So here we go. So I invite friends of mine on and I find out things that they know about, in your case, oceans, which I love anything else. That's it. Because you don't know shit about oceans, so you want to find something better? No, no, no. I'm going to be able to ad hoc a couple of questions here for you about oceans. And then for me...

Afterlife. You can talk about the afterlife. Okay, okay. I got that, too. Whatever you'd like. For me, give me Chicago Bulls from the 90s. Are you guys?

Any question about the Chicago Bulls from the 90s? Or you could ask me a question about movies or TV. Anything. Like, yeah. Throw any of those questions out there. And we'll, I'm going to go first. I'm going to ask you a question right now about the oceans. Do you go first on your show or do you do the light thing?

I ask them questions first. Oh, you do? Okay. And then they ask me and we go back a few times and then we do a speed round. All right. So let's do it like your show. Let's do it right now. So, and again, forgive me for not having a ton of oceanic knowledge. Here's a simple one. What's the biggest ocean in the world?

I have no fucking idea. Because that's stupid. You can look on a map and know that. Biggest ocean in the world. Got to go Pacific. It is Pacific. Pacific is correct. Now, if I'd said anything,

in response to that question, would you have said that's correct? No, no, no, no, because that's... You knew that. I knew that because I could probably have five questions about the other. I'm going to ask another one right here. Here you go. Ready? Are you guys working on the Bulls? Okay, thank you. What is the deepest point of any ocean on Earth?

Must be some trench in the Atlantic. Yes, you're very close. It's got a name. It's got a name. Deep trench. It's deep trench. No. I believe it is trench it is I'll give you a hint because I give hints on my show

it almost sounds like a woman's name Jesus's mom if you added another thing to that Mariana Mariana trench Ted Danson on the board is that right hey what do you don't don't be researching his question set me up for the bulls oh all right I'm going to ask you another one here what was the ancestor of the Pacific Ocean So 200 million years ago when we had like a supercontinent and there was like two oceans.

What was the ancestors? The name of the. The name of the Pacific Ocean before the latest glacier. I only know one name of any ocean before. No, that's a city. Atlantis? No. What is that?

I think it's the T. T-E-C-T-E-T-H-Y. Why do you know that? I don't know. Because you were a scholar, Scholastic bowl champion. You know what? I like to go on

Wikipedia. Like I take my version of melatonin. Remind me what that is. I take my version of melatonin, which are three weed gummies. And at night at like 9.30, I've knocked out wordle. I've done my little daily trivia game.

I just go on Wikipedia for like 25 minutes. And I just see like... Random? Sometimes random. Or like I'll type in one thing and just go down the little hole. Right. And I just think I remember reading about that, Tethy's...

Is that correct? Is that correct? Do we get a fact check on it? We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. It's okay. We don't know. Can I name your most impressive and quality?

Please. To me, you're a very curious man. You have curiosity. I don't mean you're curious, like weird. But you have a lot of curiosity, which I think is one of the biggest gifts in life. Oh, that's very nice of you to say. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'm not good with compliments, but I'll take that one. I find humanity fascinating and I have a special interest in history.

Now, where did that come from? Because your dad and mom are making your laugh. My mom loves history. My mom, like we had growing up, you know, some books in the house. One was like a book that was all about archaeology. And I remember as a kid reading it. My dad, he was an archaeologist. Please go on. Yes. Yes. Yeah, for real. It was just, it was kind of like, you know, probably a 1972 version of a coffee table book that that kind of broke it down to like ancient Minoan and crecheon culture, Egypt, the kind of the early Indian culture and then the early South American culture. And I would just stare at that. Right.

And I just kind of, I find it fascinating to kind of imagine what it was like back then. I also do find that you can't really, you can't predict the future, but you can look at the past and you can kind of hear the echoes from it. And so I think it is helpful to know a little bit about the history because it helps you kind of realize like, well, this has happened before and this, or this, when this happens, usually this happens. Sadly, this is new information to a lot of people today, but go on. Yes, yes.

So I've always just been very, very interested in that. And I'll give my mom points for that one. Like, that's really comes from her. Your dad was an archaeologist. Mm-hmm. Anthropologists, archaeologists, Ph.D. Was he a professor or like a school? University of Arizona.

So she's like real-life Indian-Junk basically. Wow. Yeah. Was he? Yeah, but local. Southwest. Southwest. So he would like dig up in the Southwest and look there.

Yes, I grew up around skulls and bones and beads and pottery and shards and all of that stuff. Oh, my God. So, like, the pre-Columbian, like, the early. A little bit Mexico, but Anasazi, more the Pueblo. Yeah, the Pueblo, yeah. And then, like, from like a thousand years ago. Yeah.

Wow, wow, wow. Because they were here early. They were here earlier than I think we initially thought. Probably came over the Bering Strait. They came over the Bering Stade. I just read a whole thing about, I'm reading a book right now that's all about the first human migrations out of Africa. And you kind of, it's fascinating.

You're like, oh, there was. Are you a little impressed with me right now that I'm running with the bulls not to be funny, but I am. I'm keeping up with you. I'm throwing a few bits of tidbits of things that make me seem like maybe I am smart. Your father would be proud. But don't dig too deep. No pun intended. No, but it was just talking about how.

Like a few thousand people kind of went a few thousand went this way, kind of, you know, through the Middle East towards India. A few people kind of stayed up in the Middle East And then a few people went down to Australia and stuff And that was it Here we are It's fascinating, fascinating, I love that stuff That's very cool that your dad was an archaeologist That's really

I got lost, I went into so many divergence Oh, we're gonna play your game So I asked you three questions I'm gonna give him two out of three points Yeah, okay His turn to ask me a question Are you guys? Okay

Bulls questions, I love it All right Who was your third? Third, we're talking about the iconic bulls. The bulls from the mid-90s. Wait, when was Showtime here in L.A.? Showtime was 80. Showtime started in 80. So are you not doing Scotty Pippin?

No, Scott Pippin and Jordan, but they didn't win their first championship until 1991. Oh, that's true because we kicked your ass for so many years. Well, take it easy. Take it easy. Our real problem was the Pistons. Because they were in our, they were in. The bad boys.

Yeah, yeah. Isaiah and Lambere. They would kick your ass physically. It was like, I remember, like, watching those games my parents. Yeah. Like a lot of swearing and, like, fucking Buck Bill Lambier. Yeah, yeah. But then we started winning.

Yes, and I love to hate you guys because you were. We beat you guys. You beat the Lakers in the 901. I know. That's why I love to hate you. Which was, again, though, that was like a fun. Like, it was just like the magic kind of towards the end. It was passing the short.

And we also beat you guys in five. There was no match. How'd you do against Boston then back then? Boston pretty consistently beat our ass with Larry Bird. Except when it comes to champion. But then Larry Bird was kind of done-ish by then. His back was so bad that Boston was kind of on the way out a little bit. Our big Eastern Conference competitors were the Pistons.

And then in the mid-90s, Cleveland and the Knicks were kind of like I would say, our three big rivals. Let me do a quick parenthesis. Don't ask Woody Harrelson about Byrd. Does he hate Byrd? Oh, he loves Bird. We had to cut it out of one of our first episodes because it was so violently angry about Larry Bird that we were afraid we'd lose the East Coast completely.

Can we say it now? What? Can we say it now? Why is he like Larry Bird? It's better for him to tell it. Yeah, let him tell him. Yeah, let him tell him. He'll be here in a couple weeks.

Okay, here's my question. Enough. Stalling. In that the hey day of this time, that you're talking about. Who is your third favorite and defend your answer, Bull? Third favorite bull, obviously you're removing Michael Jordan, Sky Pippen. I would say for the, there's like two sets of championships, 90 to 93 and then 90, then Jordan

retired and then came back. So you have like 95, 96, 97, whatever, 96, 97, 98. For the first one, Horace Grant, for sure. Love Horace Grant. Okay. Big power forward. Hilarious. I'm putting him ahead of John.

Paxson, I think, just because I think he was a more impactful player. John Paxson, perfect point guard, complimented Michael Jordan, but I'm going to go with Horace Grant for the second batch. As much as I want to say Rodman, I got to go Tony Cooch. I remember Tony Cooch coach? Yeah, Tony Cooch was, Tony Coochooch was like really one of the first Eastern European guys who showed up who's like, not only am I six foot nine, but I can dribble and shoot three pointers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, he walked so Dirk Nowitzky could And the rest of us, if we were, you know, trying to beat you, it'd be like, Tony who, what? No, never mind.

Don't focus on him and then he'd come in and, because he didn't start always. No, he was a six-man usually. Six man, and you come in and just whoop your butt. Incredible player. And so I really, like, without him, I don't think we're winning a couple of those championships, even with Jordan and Pippin and Robin. He was so good. Such a clutch player. Oh, my.

Okay. All right. Do you want a question? Yeah, let's hear from you all. Thank you. from our producer Jason Chalemi. Okay. Who was the only player to suit up for the Bulls during the 1990s dynasty years,

who had previously won an NBA championship with a completely different team? Oh, my God, that's such a good question. Oh, that's a true. Oh, well, I mean, it's got to be Rodman. I mean, Dennis Rodman won a championship with the Pistons. Is there another player you're thinking of possibly? Actually, yeah. You can't do that.

Just go with an answer. I mean, Dennis Robben. Okay. Robert Parrish is the other one. Robert Parrish would be another one. He joined the Bulls for the final NBA season. His final NBA season in 96-97, winning his fourth ring at age 43. But is true what you said, Dennis Rodman also won two championships for distance, 80, 88, 89.

That's amazing. I'm going with these correct. I think I was a stupid phrasing of the question, and we're going to cut you all out of this podcast completely and pretend that I ask you that question. Chulini says shit. Hey, so far, yeah, cheers and all that. But my father is an archaeologist. Yes. And I can not quite keep up with you, but I can talk basketball.

You never play basketball? Yeah. You did. Yeah, high school and stuff. Yeah, you're tall guy. But I went to a prep school in New England. 300 guys, boys, all boys school. Any high school would have kicked our ass.

because they would have had a thousand people to pick from. Right. A small pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we won our championship. It saved my life. It was the only reason I got through this prep school because I came from Arizona with my Hopi and Navajo friends and ranchers and just landed in Prepeville and was stunned. But it got me through so much so that when I went to Stanford, dropping a lot of.

Wow, geez. Stanford, huh? Pretty good school. But not back then. It didn't matter. Well, it was a good school, but it didn't. I was geographically interesting, so I got in. I tried out with my best friend who was an athlete from Kent School for the freshman Stanford basketball, yeah, basketball team.

Same year that Lou Alcender was a freshman at UCLA. So I got to the court and I screeched, you could hear my sneakers, screech on the wood floors to a halt. And it was like, fuck. It's just a whole different game. Who am I kidding? It's a different game. Turned around.

Didn't even walk on the court. Probably shed some quiet tears on the way back to the dorm. Saying goodbye to something. Yeah. Found acting six months later. Just think if you would have stayed and really fought and been like the 12th man on that team, you would not have become a very famous actor. We would not be here right now.

Exactly. He would just be a guy who's like, damn, and I never played nice in college. Damn, Loua Linder, though. Yeah. Kareem, everyone forgets this about Kareem, who is like, you know, really one of the greatest. Do you remember that he was a writer?

And he wrote, I think, an episode or two of Veronica Mars, K. Bell Show, Veronica Mars. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was a very smart, intellectual guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very, very, very, yeah. Meditator, the whole deal. Yeah, the whole deal. And then he, he, he, he was a very smart,

Classical jazz, no, his record collection. Very, just a heavily cultured man. Yes. He would write occasionally, like, great op-eds and articles and stuff. And then, like, I remember in, like, 2011 reading that, like, Karima Toul-Jabar is, like, a consulting writer on Veronica Mars. And we could fact-check that, but I am, like... He co-wrote an episode of Veronica Mars, the revert. Not a consultant, co-wrote.

Co-wrote, co-written by. How'd you know that? I remember hearing it and being like, because I was in a writer's firm at the time of it, and I was like, what? Like, that is the cool. Can you imagine? Like, Kareem Abdul, any joke he pitches or liney pitches,

I'm like, oh, yeah, that's good. It's great. You know what I mean? Just because it's Kareem. My daughters are also, I'm a Bulls fan, but they're born and raised, Southern California girls, and they're huge Laker fans.

Yeah. And we watch, they have a pretty good documentary on Hulu called Legacy. That's just like a documentary on the Lakers from early days, basically from showtime to now. And we watched all of it. And you just, when you watch old footage of Kareem, it's just like he's a god. So we watch it two days later. The Lakers invited us.

We are friendly with some of the people who worked for the Lakers and they have this big Halloween parade every year. down where they invite kids from the neighborhood and stuff. And we show up there and literally the first person we see is Craybaudge apart. And my daughter, she was probably like eight of the time. Like, like, tear welling up in her eye. And she's like, I walk over and I was like, hey, Kareem, I think for him seeing like a little girl meeting him, he's, he's emotional, you know. And so I have this great picture I have at my desk of my daughter and Kareem.

And then my other daughter, who's like, four and has no idea who this giant. man is. But it's pretty nice. Pretty cool. He's amazing. Mary, they had some sort of well, this is going to sound weird, but I'll cut to the chase.

She has a poster that he signed for her. Saying, we'll never know where that night might have led. She has framed that sucker. It was clearly a joke. Right, but still. Coming off of some, you know,

they met at some fundraising thing or something. But, oh my God, he is so fucking impressed. If I had that, I would hang it on my door and tap it like the Notre Dame sign every time I left. She has it framed on my mirror where I have to look at it every day. Remember, Ted.

Speaking of Mary, we not too long ago, my wife and I try to be a little bit like my parents when it comes to exposing our daughters to funny comedy, even if it's a little rivaled. And so I was like, let's watch Stepbrothers. So we put on

stepbrothers, which I've seen a bunch, but I hadn't seen probably like five or six years. And, oops. First of all, it is truly, I've said before. It's like one of the top five comedies of all the time. It's a perfect comedy. But I just had forgotten, like, how much they say fuck, how dirty it is. Oh, my God. And my daughters were like, ball sack on the drum set.

And, and Catherine Hahn pissing while standing up. And, like, my daughters were laughing so hard. But just every other, every other scene of my webinar, are like, Mm-mm. It's the greatest movie, though. It's just like, it's absolutely, it's perfection. I don't know if you, but visiting other people's sets, it's fun to see your friends and be supportive.

Sure, sometimes. But it's not fun. It's not your set. Not your set. You're a guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And clearly, you must be out of work. I, they had.

sofas lined up in easy chairs around video village. Because people would come in and watch them shoot because they'd shoot in the morning the script. And then they'd come back to those scenes and it was like a free for all. And what's his name? The director. McKay. McKay. Not Tony McKay.

That's an actor. Adam. Sorry, Adam. Sorry, Adam. With a loudspeaker, shout out a phrase for the person who is. was speaking at the moment to say that would change the direction of the entire scene, you know, and they used to love putting dirty words in Mary's mouth, you know? What the fucking fuck. Well, it's because she's like one of the historically most beautiful women in the world,

and she's so proper and delicate. To hear her say something dirty is incredibly funny. I bet you could sign a poster now of you to my wife. Let's get it going. Let's get it going. Go right up next to Lou. God, I remember seeing Adam McKay when I was very young and just trying to decide what I wanted to do. And I remember seeing a sketch he did at Second City where he was... As an actor. Because he was a very funny actor. I didn't know that.

He's one of those guys where genius is bubbling around him. You can almost see there's like an aura. And he did this sketch where he... He, this girl has brought home her boyfriend for Thanksgiving dinner with her family, and it's Noam Jomsky. And he plays Noam Jomsky. And everything is just like, well, we invaded this country. And it was a needless bloodletting.

Like he's just like, and the parents were like, hey, man, come on, I remember what. Which he later in life as a director, writer, director kind of revisited that the theme. He became very political and calling out the bullshit. Yeah, yeah. God bless him for. for doing that. There's times where he's like calling Dings out, and I'm like, I don't even know that was a thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one of the true geniuses, and I think sometimes, I think there's things happening right now that even McKay, in his wildest dreams, be like, I can't put this in a movie. It's too, it would ever, it's too unbelievable, but then you see it happening now.

You're like, what the hell are we doing? Speaking, writing, directing, acting. How did you know that you could write? When did that first? You could improvise. You probably learned that early on. Yeah, you know, I, I, my partner, Dave Stassen, who I write with, he's my showrunner on some things and my best friend. You're married, but this is another part.

This is my work wife. He's my work husband, I should say. In real life, I'm straight and married. And in my professional life, I'm gay and married to a man. Only way to go, really. Yeah, and it's like, it's very separate. But occasionally after we write a great scene, we'll give you the little kiss and a little. But we went to high school together and we wrote our college, sorry, our high school newspaper comedy column,

which is very different. That's, you know, just being funny. But you're making jokes. You're making jokes. Constructing. Yeah. I remember kind of once I, I remember reading Spike Lee's do the right thing. He made a book after the movie came out.

that was like basically like the first half of the book is like his notes on it from everything from like conception sample dialogue to like his production diary and then the second half was the script and I love that movie and I would read that book and just looking at the script I think kind of taught me a little bit I will say like once I started doing improv in Chicago I went through the whole you know Iyo annoyance second city world del close del close is my director for for you years. You do kind of learn like the timing and rhythms of a scene. You learn like the game of a scene, which I think is very important comedy writing is like every scene in a comedy TV show or a movie needs like a game in it, like a like a rhythm, an objective, a thing that is going to be the

comedic engine of the scene, you know, and improv be called a game. And I do think when I look in scenes now when I'm writing a scene, I'm like, what is it? not what the scene is about, right? You're making off the top of your head an example of what a game defraise you. Like the game would be if I came into you and we're doing a scene and what I want is I need a raise out of you. The game is going to be me gassing you up and paying you lots of compliments until it gets very uncomfortable and you fire me. You know what I mean? Like that's like the objective is I want to raise, but the game is I eventually tell you how.

how great your outfit is. And then I, by the time I'm done, I'm like, I bet you have a wonderful penis. You know what you mean? And you're like, you're fired. So it's like, that's the game of it. What makes it funny and vibrant and interesting and stuff? And that was, improv was a big part of that.

So I had gone through that. And then once my partner and I were like, let's move to L.A. And we can write and I can act and we can do stuff. A big part of that was reading scripts. just like if you found if someone sent you a script for an audition, you would read the whole script and kind of just learn how

kind of to format things and put things. And then also my partner went to USC film school, which is a huge help. I think because he, I think, what he learned about structure, he would kind of, when we're breaking down a script together, he's like, oh, we need this is happening too soon and stuff. So it was kind of a mixture of all those things.

And then I got hired to Mad TV. and I wrote on that. How old were you? I was 24 when I got hired to Matt TV, I think. 24, 25-ish, pretty young. But great fun writers there. They were all like ex-groundlings and stuff. We've been there forever.

My friend, Katie Dippold, you know her? Have you seen Widows Bay? Yes. She created Widows Bay. And she was like a writer there. So we had a great writing. staff of fun people. And so that kind of took me to where I am now, you know.

Right. And directing? Directing what you've written? Directing what I've written. Well, I got to give credit to a guy named Michael Spiller, who's a great guy, great director, did like a ton of like Modern Family and Ugly Betty throughout the years. And he was our, on the Mindy Project, which is the show I did with Mindy Kaling, he was like our executive director, I would say, where he was in.

an EP, but he would direct a ton of episodes. And he was incredibly bullish on me and my partner directing. And he was like, you guys got to direct. And if it wasn't for him, we would not have, he was the one that like helped get us in to get our names by season, I think three. We were directing episodes. The mini projects got us into the DGA. He was very instrumental in me and Dave Stassen directing.

Thank you, Michael Spiller. We love you. Great guy. Is he here? No, but he watched it. He listens to this avidly. There's not one episode he hasn't. Oh, my God.

Have you ever directed? No, never will. Haven't written. Produced once had walking pneumonia. It was such a confront. No, I am the self-absorbed groom who shows up and goes, wow, this is lovely. I wonder how this happened. Action.

It's a miracle. Wait, who wrote this shit? I actually answer a trivia question. a day, someone goes, do you know who directed three men in a baby? I go, Leonard Nimoy. Boom. Crazy, right? People forget that. Yeah. How was he as a director? Wonderful. Wonderful guy. I heard he's a wonderful man. It was pretty cool because Tom Selleck, you know, was, was, was, is this heroic, legendary figure. And he was then. He shot with Magnum into his rock star level fame. Yes. And I was in the middle of

Cheers and Steve is doing every every police academy every you know he had done yes he was the

sequel king sequel king right so there were three egos even if I pretend I didn't have one I do so and then he

showed up and it was like oh we are all small fucking potatoes compared to Lenny we got a Vulcan over here yeah and we'd go out to have dinner

and who's like they bat the three of us aside to get the Leonard, which is really cool. And he became a friend and his wife. Yeah, that's very cool. So anyway, where was your question? Why do we, oh, Leonard, Leonard, what was he like? Yeah, lovely guy. Here's my Leonard Nimoy story, Ted Danson story.

I cannot watch myself. Can you watch yourself? Sometimes, but a lot of times I'm cringing when I am. Oh, I can't stand. First off, when I watch you work, I go, gosh, I didn't see that coming. Wow, that's funny. That's amazing. And you're delighted by being surprised.

You watch yourself, and it's like, saw that coming. I'm that way. I mean, I'm, I think two famous times I was in tears talking to the director. The one was to Jimmy Burroughs over the pilot of cheers. I'm so bad, Jimmy. This is horrible. He looked at me and then started to laugh and walk off. but Leonard was the best kind of lesson.

I said, oh, I just saw that. Oh, my God. I don't. I'm horrible. I'm this. And he said, what did you think of my work as a fucking director? You know, I'm like, oh, there are others involved. Oh, sorry.

That's so good. That's so good to say to an actor. I mean, of my work. You kind of sounded like. him when he said that, by the way. Yeah, he got that deep... He was a great artist, too. Oh, yeah, visual artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing guy. I was a big classic Star Trek guy. It was very cool.

Would you write, direct something for you? It wasn't funny? Well, with me, I'm glad we said at the same time. It wasn't funny that I'm in. With you. I directed a movie about... Sorry. Seven years ago. I directed a movie called The Oath. That was a comedy, but it was a pretty dramatic comedy.

or a thrillery comedy. Sorry, I don't know it. Who's in it? It stars me and Tiffany Haddish and Billy Magnuson. My brother, John, is in a Joncho. It was, I loved it. I thought it was like one of the most fun things I've ever done. I think directing something you've written that is kind of an indie thing where there's not like the mate.

I think directing like a huge movie for a studio. That is something I'm not like, where they're like, we're giving you $100 million. I'm like, I don't want that. pressure. I'm not interested in that. But when you're directing a movie for a couple million dollars, it's all you. I mean, you hire a great, you know, you hire a great first AD and you have your great EP and your great crew, but like it's, you're the arbiter. It's what you want. And that's very rare, I think, to get that control. And I just loved it. And there's been a couple other things that I've come close on kind of being like, I'll jump in, but, but I'll definitely do it again.

I'm looking at something right now that I might kind of do. But it's, It's just, it just, the problem with directing, I think, especially a feature, is it's like a year of your life. And you're one thing that I am, I'm happy about in my career is I do have some ability to kind of jump into this, jump into this. I'm available. I could go do my friend Sarah's movie for two weeks. I can go and do a little Broadway thing. Like, once you're directing a movie, that's gone. Like, I think like you're just, you're really.

That's a year of your life. That's a year of life. You're writing it. You're prepping. You're shooting. You're a host forever. Like I was, you don't like watching yourself. Try directing yourself in a movie and sitting through the post process where it's like, okay,

now I'm going to watch this movie for the 13th time. Yeah. You start to go crazy. You're like, I hate myself. I hate movies. I hate human beings. Even if you're not in it, directors at some point in that part of the stage of making a film get lost. They do, and it's tough.

And, you know, so that is tough. But I have that on the docket. That's something I'm always looking for and trying to find, like, a moment where I can kind of turn everything off and just focus on that. Very fun, very fun. I'm going to cast you on it as my father. And I'm also going to cast my real father in it as Ted Dants. I could play your father's father. How old is your daddy?

He is 75. You could not play his father. Well, if I was four when I had you. You got started early there, pal. You could very easily play my father. Like, I would be, oh, that's like my dream. It's like we're both tall. I'm available.

You're not, though. You're always working. It's true. It's pretty good. Yeah, I do love. Don't you love going to work? Love it. The show that I'm working on right now,

Running Point, which is with Kate Hudson. Really good. Yeah, oh, thanks, man. Really good. Oh, my God. Thank you. And Kate is really good. One of the greatest.

Did you see the movie she was in last year? Yes. My favorite performance last year. Incredible. Yeah. She is like a force of nature. I love her. And it's funny and cool,

hot. She's just like the best. But that show, perfect example where it's like, it's such a fun environment. It's like eight or nine, just hilarious actors. Are you writing every,

are you writing this year too? I'm writing, yeah, writing this season. So you know Missy. Oh, my, oh, she's your LP?

Yeah. Yeah. That's my girl. Love her. One of the greatest line producers I've ever been. Yeah, yeah. Just such a bad. Have you seen her daughter?

Yes. Oh my God. Who knows my name? Well, No. Sometimes you want to put a place. Video, my friend. How's Teddy?

She looks like, I said, you look like an AI baby. Like, you're like the most perfect baby. But, but like that is like going to that, being on set with those guys where it's like you get through a couple takes and then you start walking in and kind of try saying this in this one. what I mean, like, do this. And just you're laughing as hard as you can at Video Village.

So wait, do your year now because you're doing the studio. I'm doing the studio. I finished the studio about a month ago where we finished season two. Which is like, what, four or five months? That was a five plus. Wow. Just because we were, you know, would go down for a week because we were traveling. We went to Venice.

We would go to New York. I know. I know. Sorry. I go to, you know, I go to North Hollywood. That's as far as I. That is the Venice of L.A. County. Thank you.

All right. Not Venice. Not Venice Beach. No. But we finished that and then I work on running point. I do funny last podcast. Time-wise. Time-wise, I'm there a few days a week whenever I'm around.

Four or five months. Oh, month-wise. Yeah. Yeah, what we saw. We started writing two and a half months ago and we'll wrap in like December. So that's a six, six, seven months. While doing that, you can do your podcast. I can do my podcast.

I can do my podcast. And then... Don't you love podcasts? It's so much fun. Like, I knew, I knew for years, I was always like, I would love to do a podcast, but I never had like a good hook for it. I didn't have time for it. And then I, last year, I came up with this idea where I was like, oh, I could have just

people on and do trivia. Like, this is a way for me to... I have a little kid, so I can't go to a pub and do pub trivia, and I can't go to fun things like normal adults. So I could just invite a friend and have them promote something and ask them trivia questions and answer trivia questions. It's so much fun. It is a little bit of work just because I have to, like, write the questions.

So there's times where it's like, you know, I'm in bed at night, like, like Googling questions about like the Baltimore Ravens. Your wife is very, very loving and patient. Very loving and patient. Very, very very. Yeah, she's my Mary. You, you discord some more big points. That'll go on the poster of you.

But I love it. And like when you're in it and you're going to talk to a friend or someone like, I had a guy on my show there day who I've never met, but I'm a huge fan of. And I'm so I can not watch his work. Donald Trump Jr. No. Stavros Hallicast, you know him?

No, but I probably do, but I'm terrible names. Have you seen the Anthony Bourdain movie yet? No, no, I heard. So good. So good. Tough, tough role. Very tough role. He plays like, he's like the third lead in it, fourth lead.

Is it early Anthony chef in the kitchen? The way they do this, because I sometimes biopics, I'm always like, tough, tough. Like, they got to be really good. Yeah. They did this in the smartest way. Like the guys who wrote the script and the director, great director, they kind of took a biopic but couched it as just like a great summer coming of age movie. Oh, great. So it's all kind of contained into one era or summer.

You didn't have to know that Anthony became Anthony Bourdain. You could just do that. If this was a movie not about Anthony Bordane and it was just about a kid working in a kitchen in the 70s, it's a beautiful film. How wonderful. It's so good. I highly recommend it. And Stavv is one of the guys, one of the cooks. And he's just a very funny comedian and OG podcaster.

But that's the point is you get a... You can't... Did they nibble on the dark? Nibble in the dark? On the dark side of Anthony Bourdain? Or not? They talk... You kind of, I think, see roots as to kind of his personality.

And then there's like a couple moments. I don't want to say foreshadowing where you can... kind of see like, oh, like, but it's, it's such a, like, touch. The director is really good. This guy, Matt Johnson, he's such a good director. Okay, so I interrupted. So you had him on. So I had him on, but, like, the thing is, like, in real life, I can't, like, get his number and be like, hey, we've never met. You want to have dinner? Yeah.

You know, but you can be like, hey, can you come to a studio on sunset and we can talk for two hours? And so that is the beauty of podcast. And you just get to hang out with your friend. It is. And years from now, I'll forget everything we've said here. but I know that I can hug you. I will know that I can hug you because I had a moment of, oh, man, I want to hug him. I think I played his dad in the movie. Hold on. Mary's like, Ted, no, Ted, come on.

Let's go. Oh, he's the poster guy in my bedroom. Oh, right, right. That's Cream of Abduljabar. Come on, Ted. Let's go. But I love it. I really do love it.

And it's fun and watching, you know, funny, like watching Amy Polar. I don't know if you've seen her podcast. She's amazing. She's amazing. The reason why it's blown up explosively is because she's just so funny and cool. And it's like, it's like normally you would have to wait for them to do a TV show, a movie to see them and enjoy them. But for Amy Polar, you're like, you get a bonus Amy every week. And she won an Emmy for us.

She won an Emmy for Golden Globe. Golden Globe. Which is why I've stopped watching. She's right up there with you, John Prisinski, and Woody Harrelson. Fuck you all. Oh my God. What pisses you are? Okay, so you're incredibly bright,

incredibly smart, whatever, use your own adjectives, but you're curious, you're, you know, if you're doing comedy and it's topical, you're current.

How you doing with today's sadnesses and fear and things that are, you know, the kind of water we're swimming in now? Absolutely terrible. What do you do about it? Worst I've ever seen in my life.

Very, very existentially set name. How are your parents? Do you all? We are all very sympathico and on the same page. I bet they're a little more tender about it than you are, meaning it's their nervous system is frayed a little bit. What happens with age? Yeah. I'm thinking end of world.

Not literally because I have grandchildren. Sure, sure. Sure. But I look at my kids and I wonder if you are having a little bit more. defense mechanism to go, we'll get through this. We'll be all right. I mean, with the kids, you have to. You know what I mean?

Like, I am definitely more of a dumer. A duma, doomer. Where I just, I, I, I, I've always been, I think, like, politically aware. But I was always like kind of like a normal, what I would call normal. meaning that like I was never I was always more of a lefty guy but I was never like partisan and and I didn't like George Bush and the war in Iraq and stuff but I didn't it was different than now it's very different things have taken a really kind of dark turn in the last couple of years and it's incredibly disheartening I do find that I try in the morning when I get up one thing

I did is I really I got off of Twitter which was a big thing I find Twitter to be, I don't understand how you're still on it, not judging, but I just, I know that when I used to wake up and look at Twitter, I would just get mad right away. And you get that, you ride that negative dopamine. I think it's considerably worse now. I haven't been on it in many years, but I think it's considerably worse now, considering who's involved in stuff. But nevertheless, I will wake up and I'll read the paper, I'll read, I'll listen to like BBC News or something.

And I know it sounds really lame, but I do try to, I exercise in the morning for like 30 to 40 minutes. And I try to like get all that out then. I try to get like, because I do find that Tina Faye has a phrase called world nerves where it's like you're nervous for the world right now. And she said it years ago, but it applies more to today, I think. And I try to like get all my stress. out in the morning, whether that means just do a lot of pushups or run really fast on a treadmill as fast as I can't, try to like, almost like take that anger and angst and like meld it with your sweat and let it like whisk away and shower. And then you'll still find throughout the day

you can see something. You're like, what the fuck are we doing? What is going on here? But I find that it's tough to write and be funny and light and enjoyable when you're thinking about the fact that the global financial system is going to probably collapse and AI is going to probably knock out more than 80% of our jobs and we're going to geopolitically we have no standing in the world like all the things that are happening if you if you are too attached to that all day a i think your art can suffer a little bit um and your comedy definitely suffers and you become insufferable a little bit Like when I was so hooked in every minute of the day of like, oh, my God, look what Trump just said. I can't believe it.

Like, I found I was just not as enjoyable. So what I do is I really like, I have my beliefs. I have, I talk to people about things. I'm definitely not someone who believes, we shouldn't talk about this. Like I think that those, that era is dead. I think if you're with someone you love or you like or even not, just nothing changes if we don't talk. You know what I mean? And, you know, there are definitely some people who don't want to talk to me, I'm sure,

and there's people I don't want to talk to. But I find that it does help to have these conversations, just not all day, every day. You know, choose them. You know what I mean? I don't want to be the guy at dinner party who's getting into, like, an argument with someone about the fact that it's insane that we don't have health care. You know what I mean? If you want to be effective or get something done or take an action, if you're coming from fear, odds are really good that it's going to be a destructive thing that you do.

If you come from love and hope, yes. And that's not goody, two shoes. But if you're coming from that kind of caring, you probably will get something done. And it's funny. I remember a person one time said, don't give in to cynicism.

No, I agree. And you know what that was? Jeffrey Epstein. I'm joking. It was Conan O'Brien. I was testing you. I get that. The two of them confused all the fucking time.

They're very similar guys, not just in the way that they look, but in the way that they carry their multiple businesses. But I remember Conan, I think it was when he was, when Conan was leaving. Please cut this and give this to Conan. Give this to Conan is a little Christmas gift. I think when Conan was like, I think I might have his last show on TV, he was like, don't, I'm paraphrasing, but he was like, don't succumb to cynicism. And there were times in my life recently, in the last, you know, a couple years where I was

like, what's the fucking point? And that's just a dead end. That's a dead end philosophically. That is a dead end for your happiness. Your kids. Like, you can't. That's a bad thing to pass on. And even though we know the empirical truth that their lives are going to be much

harder than ours were. And that's very unfair. Go outside and check the temperature. Yeah. Yeah. Like amongst other things, you know. But that's the one that's just screaming in our faces right now. But if, if they.

they have that bad cynical attitude that nothing, there's no hope. Then it's like, once you remove the option of hope, when you look at historical parallels of places where they did that, you end up in Germany in the mid-20s, Spain in the mid-30s, you know what I mean? You end up in bad places you don't want to. By the way, that is also, sorry, getting real political. That is the aim of all of this chaos and meanness and, you know, just. mean, cruel, anything dark in that area.

The purpose is to remove hope from the people who are not in the same belief system you are. We want to remove hope, empathy, and objective truth. And objective truth, yes. Like, they, you know, I was talking to someone their day and they made the good point of, like, they're just flooding the zone right now with so much bullshit that when, for instance, let's say, I don't know, an election that was polling 80-21 way, the other person wins. This is a fun conversation.

You hit a real artery here. We really got into it. Yeah, but it's, it's, I used to say this is my, I kind of thought, I'm not even going to, well, I'm going to say it one last time. Oh, that sounds bad too. I'll tell you.

Say it at least 30 more time. I better, cut you in on my thought process here. But I used to, I used to say to comfort myself, but now I'm getting to the age where perhaps I should stop, saying it is, Ted, and then you die. So lighten the fuck up, do the best you can.

Say thank you a lot. Yes, yes. But don't think just because you're going to save the, in my case, the oceans or save the planet, that you get this immortality card. You get out of jail free card. No, no, no. No, we just, this is what we do. We have, you know, we go through doing the best we can.

Right. And also, I do feel like to, like, on your way out, if you were so focused on your thing that your interpersonal relationships were shitty because of that and you have a lot more people who hate you than love you like I think as you're going out I don't think you think about like oh I fought the good fight you're like I wish I talked to me I wish my brother and I got along better I wish you know what I mean my kid and I still talk like I know someone who's a death dula you ever heard of this a death dula it's fascinating it's it's a beautiful and I'm fascinated by it.

And they were saying... Dula usually means comforting the woman and being there for the woman, giving birth, and everything to take care of woman. This is someone, as they're dying, you know, you'll bring in someone and you'll talk to them and hear them and listen to them. Yeah.

And it's all... And not school them. No. Meet them wherever they are. Wherever they are. You're pissed and angry, okay. Great. Yeah.

And so many people as they're checking out, it's all regret of not spending more time with their family and their friends. It's never, I should have worked more. I, you know what? I should have had that job. I wish I would have told him to fuck off. It's much more just like I wish I still had that relationship.

You know what I mean? It's all regret. And so we want to minimize our regret as we get older. And I think if you have that attitude of like, yeah, fuck you, you're wrong. You're going to fuck that up a little bit. Do you believe in, describe if you were going to be asked by one of your kids. Oh, so really think about this. What is your belief in higher power, God, spirituality, religion, something in that area?

I'm a, what I call a secular Jew. I was raised pretty Jewish. And then as I've gotten older, I call myself a Jew out of, as a connective point to my ancestors, and to take the good moral lessons. from that religion, not the bad ones, but take whatever good stuff you can mine from it and impart it into me and my life and stuff. And I've been pretty open my kids. I don't personally believe that there is a almighty omnipotent quote unquote God up there. Are there forces we don't know about? Is there a big mystery? Yes, I don't know. If there is someone up there, I don't know. But I don't pray to a God. I would say I pray. I would say I

pray with people. You know what I mean? Not to a God, but to like a better day, to praying to what can we do to make our lives here richer and better and happier and stuff. But I also, there was a time in my life where you're younger and you're like, I'm an atheist. Man, fuck you if you believe in God. I think that's bad too a little bit, you know. Be an atheist.

Be an agnostic, but don't fucking judge someone. But FYI, it is a belief system. It's a belief system and you are very often equally annoying. And I just think too, I think as you get older and you see how religion that you see more of the positive effects of religion may be more of these people you know start to leave and get sick and stuff. You see how religion can bring comfort to people. When you're able to like to really mine the beautiful parts of it, it's... Wouldn't you love to sit down with a nuclear physicist? I don't even know what that means.

it's so far above my pay grade, but the ultimate in science and the ultimate theologian. Yes, that's a good conversation. Let them figure it out together, yeah. But I bet you anything, they're converging. 100%. 100%.

Hey, promise me, we get to hug. Way past when I forgot who the fuck you are. May it be many, many, many years from me, my friend. When you're getting your lifetime achievement Emmy in 12 years and Mary's leading you around you and I are going to have an embrace and you'll have a memory. And have the

phrase and then you die not be ironic. I had the best time, Ike, thank you so much. Check out Funny You Ask, his comedy, trivia show wherever you listen to podcasts. That's it for this week. Special thanks to Team Coco. If you've

enjoyed this podcast, send it to a loved one. Subscribe on your favorite podcast. app and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're in a good mood. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full-length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.com

slash Team Coco. See you next time where everybody knows your name. You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow. Our executive producers are Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our

supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Graal. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Jane Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Yen, Mary Steenbergen, and John Osborne.