Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes) - Jeff Garlin (Part 2)

Episode Date: October 21, 2026

Picking up where he left off last week, Jeff Garlin talks with Ted Danson about his relationship with the late Richard Lewis, his bipolar diagnosis at the age of 59, the darkness he’s encountered both on and off set, and how he found his way back.  Like watching your podcasts?  Visit http://youtube.com/teamcoco to see full episodes.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Before we begin, a word of caution. This episode contains a brief discussion of suicide, which some listeners may find upsetting. If you are someone you know need support, please call our text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. Last week, I spoke with Jeff Garland, and we had so much fun and we decided to make it a two-parter. Here we go, part two of Jeff Garland. I'm having the best time talking to you. This is just a comma.

This is not a period. I'm having the best time talking to you, Jeff. Oh, I love you so much. Wow. Yeah, by the way, right away, we boom with each other. It was like, you came to be so sweet to Charlie McDowell, Mary's son. He's my pal. I love Charlie.

He adores you. He's a child of this baby. We started developing. When he was a baby. No, when he was a PA on Curb, he was a show business baby. but the sweetest guy. And I remember Larry Charles and myself that season where he worked, we mentored him. We worked with him.

We were there for him, both of us. He's out there, writing, directing, amazing films. No, I know. I remember the movie you filmed in Ohio with a therapist one at the premiere. And Malcolm was, like, thrilled that I supported him. Yeah, so was everyone in our family. I know. You and your wife, too.

No, I know. But I couldn't support him enough. was, yeah. Yeah. Is the summer book. Right. The summer book. Check it out with Glenn Close.

He directed it, co-wrote, directed the summer book. And it's a beautiful, beautiful story. Two and a half, three years ago. Okay, I will definitely check it out of your way to see it. It's like this. And by the way, it's a masterpiece. I love his wife. Lily.

And he really, you know, he was a ladies man. Very much so. The dude did get around. Yes. I mean, he was like ladies, man. And he just, it didn't click for him, didn't click for him, did click for him. She clicked for him. She clicked for him.

And she's magic. Lily Collins. Yeah, Lily Collins. She's magic. By the way, talk about somebody, I didn't get a good enough shot. But when she was doing it. She came to visit. Yeah.

And I took her aside. She said I can take as many pictures of one. She had something to shoot. Yeah. The day that I was falling. Yes. Well, she was shooting. she was, he hated the girl that he picked for the daughter, for the girlfriend on young Larry.

So you had a fantasy of Lily saying yes, and it all going smooth. Anyhow, that day I said, can I take pictures of me? She goes, whenever you want, not one of them was something. That's why it's like it's the decisive moment. It's like if you have a contact sheet of like 24, 36 pictures, if you have one that you think is really good, that's a huge hit. Huge. You know what, the biggest hit rate I ever saw, I know we're jumping around. A woman named Vivian Meyer.

I produced a documentary. There was nominee for an Academy Award called Finding Vivian Meyer, who was a nanny in Chicago. Oh, in the mirror? Yeah, yeah, she'd do a lot of her shots in the mirror. She was always in it. Yeah. A reflection. No, not always.

But I mean, like, but I looked at her contact sheets. So out of a page of 24, 20 hits. 20 hits that I think would be good enough to go into museum. And she wouldn't take like, she rarely took two shots of the same person. Like her hit rate was, boom, one, done, boom, one, done. And just remarkable. But that was the greatest hit rate I've ever seen. And I had a point for bringing that up and I don't remember.

Good. Why were there some other heroic photographers for you? Well, Eisenstadt. Alfred Eisenstadt, Elliot Irwitt, Jim Marshall. I can't sing a lot, one, because then the others would be like, why did you go with one of the most beloved people ever on your show? Tell me, tell me, could I have had a better cover? None.

There's no chance. None, but no chance. Tell them just for a second. Well, that was taken, the one where you're shot on film where you're next to J.B. And you're relaxing, that's from the same. like few days when we were filming over there. That's him in the restaurant. Do you know very well?

Did you? Yeah, he was a very close friend. He was a mentor too. We used to go on the road together. We would tour as co-headliners. No, I would not allow that. That's how we were billed. We paid the same, all that stuff.

But I went on first every fucking night because he is a king. You know what I mean? And it's already bad enough that I'm even mentioning that we were. But I got to spend so much alone time with him. being on the road together, just the two of us. When was this? Way before it. This is during curb after curb.

Yeah, this is the, I'd say the 2000s, early 2000s. And we went everywhere. And also, I'm sober. Now, I have abused alcohol. I have abused marijuana, but I have bottomed out on food. Foods where my bottom came. And I have a lot of things.

I'm diabetic to begin with. Anyhow, he brought me to an. A.A. meeting on a Monday night, he says you could come to this meeting. And I felt really, like, scared, obviously my first meeting. And everyone in there was like really famous, like giant rock and roll superstars. And when it came to me, I was like, hi, I'm Jeff. I didn't know at the time that I had a drinking problem or I had a weed problem, but I knew I had a food problem. And I talked about food, and I was shocked that the number of alcoholic guys said they all had problems with the same thing. So they all could. No one said, hey, you're not an alcoholic,

but I was, didn't know it. So I'm in that meeting, and I turn around behind me. Richard's a cross for me. Turn around, and there's a row behind me. And I say to what we're sitting behind me, I go, this ain't for me. I didn't come back for 13 years. And then I got a a sponsor, and my sponsor told me that he was the guy, this random that I, he's my sponsor, that he was the guy who said, this ain't for me. Isn't that crazy? But Richard helped me in that area. And I can't tell you the number of people whose lives he saved. He saved lives. So with his comedy, what he did with people, which saves lives. Comedy, I do believe saves lives. I do, 100%. Very much so. And he was truly a comedic genius and so fun to be around. And his wife, Joyce,

big ball of perfection. But, you know, he saved so many lives. He has saved so many lives. He is beloved in the program, beloved. I'm so glad he's on the cover. I am too. But as I'm going through the photos, it was like, as I'm going through, I go, oh, oh. I was like, why do I have to even go further?

It was like, it was a punch in the face because I was thinking of doing Mel and Carl on the cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought it was just too on the nose. It's like you're just. Bill and all the beans. And then with Richard, it's like, oh, this book will be in an adventure. Yeah. Do you what I mean?

Yeah. He represents an adventure. So I miss him terribly, and that's me talking about my King Richard. Go way back now. You're in Chicago. You go back to Chicago because you decide at age. I don't know what. You want to do stand-up.

No, I actually had, I was born in Chicago. Right. But I decided, well, in the suburbs of Chicago and in Chicago is when I saw Jimmy Durrani. Do you know this story? No. Okay. My parents, at eight years old, take me downtown to the Empire Room in the Palmer House Hotel,

the oldest hotel in Chicago. And I'm going to go see a guy named Jimmy Durrani. And all the thing I knew about him was that he was the old guy, and it's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, world who kicked the bucket. Yes. And he sent them on there, on there, literally he kicked the bucket when he died. That's all I knew. That's all I remember.

and it only seemed at that point I'm eight years old. I've seen it once maybe, but I remembered that. It was very, so my parents tell me, a mom tells me how he's going to do this and what he says and with his piano this. So I go to see him, remember it's a nightclub, but there's a level that's a little bit higher. That's where we are, and there's a railing, and I stood on the railing and watched the show,

and I was in awe of him. He was making me laugh, but I was in awe more than anything. And then I looked at the people, and I was in awe. Now, mind you, at this point, I was making my parents laugh. I was making the other kids in school laugh at that point. I knew, I didn't like think comedian. I didn't really know what a comedian was because I'll tell you what happens. On the way home, driving home, I said to my parents, is that a job, what he just did?

And I said, that's a job. I said, well, that's a job that I want. How old? Eight. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And when I say, like, nursery school through elementary school for junior high,

through high school, I was the funniest kid in school. Always. And that was a matter of pride for me. Really, I was like, that was it. So I really went on my, I was going to school at University of Miami studying film. And I really at that point, I don't remember what the impetus was. I quit school and I auditioned at the comic strip on federal highway in Fort Lauderdale. and I passed auditions the first night, and that was 44 years ago. So I was 20 years old. Yeah, and so that's been my festival. Okay, so you go back to Chicago

because you want to get more serious, or why did you go back? Oh, okay. Didn't you go? Well, I did. I have a New York, Chicago, Carnegie Mellon for like a year. No, I'm doing that to fuck with you.

I'm doing that completely to fuck with you because you went there, I don't know. Anyhow, no, I was out here. But this is around, because I used to hang out on the Paramount Lot when you could sneak on to a lot, a la Stephen Spielberg. And I would sneak on to a lot, hang out with my friend who was a casting director, Allison Jones. She's casting a lot of everything I'm doing right now. Yeah, but she casts Kerb for many years. And she's a dear friend of my exes and myself. And I would hang out there, but I'd walk around the lot. I never had. had the balls to go on cheers.

I knew I knew the stage where you were filming it. I had done a small part on the show, Dear John, with Judd. Judd Hirsch. Judd Hirsch, who ended up playing my father on the Goldbergs. It's like those things. Do you know what I mean? It's just like, what the fuck? And yeah, never lost on me, man.

Never lost. And George was one of my, oh, my God. George Siegel? Yeah. And again, what the fuck? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

And I would go out to dinner with him. we be alone and I'd be like I'm talking with joy you know I'm very close with now who never did curb or whatever is Elliot Gould is a very close friend of mine yeah he is and so I go to his house I sit with him and

at all times Elliot Goulda! I remember one time he called me on Hanukkah and my Seri and I were about to light the candles and Elliot says can I do the prayer with you and I put him on his finger bone and I

I'm doing the prayer with Elliot John. It's never lost on me. Do you know what I mean? It's never. That's the awe and the wonder of this place. And, yeah. That's why you're going to live forever. You're so in awe and so curious and so.

I'll stop being funny. The second I'm not curious about anything around me is the day I stop being funny. This is all about curious. All of the whole thing's about curious. The things I write. about everybody. I wrote some nice stuff about you. You did. You're very sweet. You touched me. You know, you're very nice, man.

You were so supportive. I want to get to how you and Larry got together. But just quickly, you were always so supportive. I didn't know, wait, is, am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Yeah, I talked you through it. You were so sweet. And go, no, no, no, no, no, don't. You're good. Yep, please. By the way, over the years, I would actually calm a lot of people, you know, on the show. because it's very, there's no preparation. There's no, and in matter of fact, just like you, you go in, the last few years I would go in, you know, Jeff Schaefer, our director and producer, I would say to Jeff, I would literally

come on set, have no idea what we were filming the past like three, four seasons. And I would go, what am I doing? Yeah. And he would explain to me. And then I would just do it. It would be action within a minute. And that's the, but being supportive of you was also such an honor. I'm like, I'm helping Ted.

I swear. I wasn't going to do, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, really felt like good because I was helping you and supporting you. You really did. And this was even before I let you know you were the CAD, you know? I think the word was asshole. You didn't say CAD. No, I say kids.

So how did you meet Larry? You had already started to do stuff with John Stewart and you helped form a special. Yeah, John Stewart, I helped with Unleavened. I went on tour with him. We worked out his act. And then Dennis Leary, I did the same thing. And that time, even before that time, I knew Larry. We were comedians in New York at the same time.

I saw those famous sets where he'd look out and go, Not tonight. They're real. I watched it. He would not get what he, was it? By the way, somebody in the front row randomly could be looking at their watch, all right, I'm good. And he'd walk off.

Yeah. Swear to God. Or just a vibe. Or he'd say, or someone would like yawn or anything. the slightest thing he was gone. And the beauty of it was, if he stayed, the material was fantastic. So it was a win-win situation when he went on stage. Win.

And he wasn't doing good with that great material. Oh, no, you know, he's just gone, you know. So we knew each other then. We were not friends. We were acquaintances, which unfortunately people don't use that word enough. Acquaintance means you actually know somebody. Yeah, yeah. A friend is somebody.

And acquaintances, oh, I know him, you know. and you legitimately do. But, yeah, so he and I were acquaintances. And over the years he did Seinfeld, you know, I'd bump into him on the Radford lot. I'd be filming something, what have you. Always a great relationship. Well, I was, HBO, it's a long story, how this happened,

but HBO asked me to, me and Alan Zweibel, to develop a sitcom to be a companion show to everybody who loves Raymond. So I was at Castle Rock every day in this one little suite of offices with Billy Crystal, Alan's Weibel, Larry David, three of them, three offices next to each other.

Why was Larry there at that point? He was at Castle Rock. It was signed up. And by the way, he's trying to figure out what he's going to do next. Next, you know. Yeah, so we're all writing, and it's not important.

Ellen and I had fun doing the show, writing the show. And I remember, We wrote a part for Adam West. Yes, it was a funny, it was, I wish, I only wish. Hello, Jeff, I'm so honored to be working with you. All right, anyhow, it's the only impression I can do. And we mentioned that we were going to do, we use Adam West, and Larry goes, I bet you could get them.

So anyhow, the real connection that happened with me and Larry during that time was, I would go in to his office and we'd sing Shirley Temple songs together. Now, I know that sounds strange. Cassie and my son James are the same age. And they both watched the Shirley Temple videotape over and over and over again. So I would sing at the codfish bowl, whatever, with Larry. And we laughed that we knew all the words to these Shirley Temple songs. One day he came into Allen's office and he said,

you guys want to go to lunch? And Alan couldn't. I can't remember the reason why. I said, I'll go with you. Went to the Cuckaroo. That's no longer there on Beverly and Beverly Hills across from Nate Nells. And we're sitting in the back, and he starts asking me about comedy. What's comedy like today?

Because he really wasn't doing anything stand-up-wise. I said to him this, that, and the other thing, other ting. Old Jew. Yeah, old Jew. And he said HBO wants to do something with him. You know, he said, I got to. the perfect thing for you to do. And I said to him, I go, you know, I just work with Dennis Leary and John Stewart on their specials. What if we did the making of a Larry David special and then

at the end, you don't have to do the special. And then it was his idea that, because I wanted to just direct it. And because that's where I was thinking about moving into. And he said, no, no, I want to play my manager. And then I remember going into Pitchett with Ari Emanuel at, um, at HBO with Chris Albrecht. And we're all in there. And Chris Albrecht, I didn't say much, you know. And Larry did most of the talking than Ari, of course. But Chris Albrecht's response was this.

How can we not do this? When do you hear that at a pitch? How can we not do this? And then we did it. And it was fun. And it was cultish, you know? And it was very much like a dot. documentary. And then Larry said to me, I swear to God, this is not, this is no exaggeration.

First day, we shot an order. That's how. In New York? No, no, no, no, this was out in L.A. Everything was in L.A. The whole, that first, the first app, oh, no, we've shot in New York, too. That was one of the, that may have been the, when I took the, I don't remember. Yeah. But the point of it, we did shoot part of it in New York. Anyhow. So, Larry says, and we were filming the first day was actually at HBO's offices on a Saturday. no one was there. And he's sitting by one of the assistants desks, like leaning on the desk, and I walked by him. We've already filmed, we filmed maybe two scenes at this point. That's all we were done. He looked at me and he goes, hey, wouldn't this be fun to do as a TV series?

And my thought was, it was really a yeah, right. I didn't say that to him. I go, yeah. And yeah, right, because like that'll happen. Yeah. You know, like there's no way. And we were like a cult show. and then you know what HBO called us the first couple of seasons? I swear their little experimental show. That's how they referred to us. And we, their little experimental show is the longest running comedy in the history of HBO. Turned half-hour comedy on its series.

Well, that's very kind. And by the way, Susie and I did a podcast that were, we got, were you guests in the first half? No. Yeah, you were going to come on with Susie and I. Yeah, anyhow. Our radio canceled us, which is all right, because I had to revisit watching all the episodes. And I always thought Larry was brilliant.

And I always, I learned from him. I learned so much from him. I've enjoyed my friendship with him. But I didn't realize how really brilliant he was when I started rewatching all of them. I'm like, how, how? And every one of those shows, every one of them, I was there for, because I was a producer on the show, I was pretty much there for all of it. And every year he'd write the outlines.

And then after like five outlines, he starts sending me one. So I read the outlines before we'd film even. And they were laugh out loud, funny, and it's what you saw on the screen. Yeah. And that's why a lot of times when we're filming, Larry will break up because it's something he only imagined up until that point. Oh, that's the reason why. And then the moment he's in it, a stranger with you, whatever, what he played out in his imagination is now happening. If you don't know, by the way, we know.

Larry breaks. Ruined. More takes. No, ruins takes by laughing. He does. That's just it. And that was because he's seeing come to life what he imagined. I love knowing that.

Yeah. Isn't that fascinating? Yeah. That's great. And yeah, so I really, you know, I watched all of it again, and I just couldn't believe I was allowed to be anywhere near that guy. I mean, just so grateful for that. I mean, and you know what?

I don't want to say that. What? You don't want to say, well? Look, here's the thing. I had this on, at a certain point in my career, I was 59 years old, I found out I was bipolar at 50 fucking nine. By the way, before I go there, I know it's a, I remember you were obsessed with my snoring. I would snore and you were so worried about me because I snored loud in between scenes all the time.

You were always like, you're doing it a lot. You're doing a lot. and what did I got, got my sleep apnea machine, and then you couldn't get enough of that information. What's going on with the sleep apnea? You know why? Why? Because I knew it was coming my way.

Yeah. And it has. Yeah, of course. And by the way, it's a lifesaver. I agree. I'm wrestling with different masks. I do the one that's just my nose. Yeah.

You do the full-on, like, Puck Fighter Pilot. They have the fighter pilot. I know. I know. I'm trying to all. I recommend the next. No, that's what I'm wearing. The little pillow, they call.

Yeah, the pillows, yeah. Right, right. But you have to cinch it up or else marry it will go. Because if it slips so it's not sealed, it sounds like a jet just flew by. If I may, I'm so, I'm going to demand that Sari watched this episode. Yeah. She has lived that. And it is, sometimes she goes to sleep in the other room, as if I've been snoring.

Yeah. And it's because I've let that thing, like, slip. So I wear it tight. You know what I mean? Because I don't want her to leave. By the way, kids love young people use sleep apnea machines, too. You're going to love this episode, kids. But the truth is, you do hear about people, though, in their 30s and 40s using them.

Yeah, they're much more. I had a sleep study, which obviously you did. Yeah. Mine was severe. And it's not good for your heart. No, it's bad for all of it. And by the way, I knew some comedians who died from that. Wow.

And every set comedians. Yeah. None were big stars. but yeah, you know. So back to bipolar, which I jump from bipolar to sleep apnea. Right. So there's some good stuff here. So when I did the Goldbergs, I never enjoyed myself.

I was actually resentful. I was not sober. I was resentful. And I was not creatively fulfilled. And I'm sure there's one or two more. Yeah, I was eating wrong, whatever. and I wasn't sleeping at all, okay, because I was all of it. Because the only way I could do curb your enthusiasm was if I did the Goldberg's.

So I was stuck doing the Goldbergs. And I used that word loosely because I'm going to get to that in a second. And so I had resentment. I got to do this show in order to do that show. That's my show and I don't want to do it. But I had to because that was the deal, Goldberg's first position, which if you remember back in the old days, there was no first position.

There was your position. You can do that movie in the summer, but it better not interfere with, you know, with, yeah. But curb was so popular that the lawyers let me do curb as long as the Goldbergs recover. At least part, I'm sure they were all Jewish lawyers and curb. But anyhow, I, so here's the problem I had. First, with the Goldbergs, I'll say this. I was miserable and I did not appreciate the ones.

wonderful gift I'd been given. That show was a gift. People loved that show. People on the show were lovely. And I was miserable, miserable, miserable. I can look at them now as the bipolar. But I didn't, I didn't know that because I'd get so dark and then so active, like all this stuff. And never really appreciated it was grateful. And that's a tough thing. Yeah. I even felt that way on curb. except the difference was I felt that way the whole time on the Goldbergs. When I was on set on the Goldbergs, my heart soared. The way I felt was like a dream. But when Cut was, and we go back to our things, I could not have been darker,

sitting in my dark trailer, just being so dark and not enjoying a minute of it and being just so not realizing that it wasn't me being, You know, it was like so dark. And so, but when we're on set, bouncy, lovey, because I was, it wasn't a mask. It was the only time my heart soared was when I was doing curb on the set. It was effortless. We worked hard. But you know what I'm talking about when I say effortless.

It's because we were just free, you know. Larry writes the most brilliant stuff. We don't have to work too hard. We say what's on there. We do it. Oh, geez, we've done something really funny. But that made me happy. but all the other times, dark, dark, dark.

When did you go? Oh, when did you formally get? Is this your? Oh, here's the thing. I used to, over the years, wonder why people would kind of avoid me when I was manic. Most of the crew enjoyed me being funny. But there were some I could see, like, what's their hesitation? That's so weird.

And then other days, I'd go home and go, why was that? apologizing all day? Like, I didn't understand. I'm a nice guy. Why am I apologizing? And then other days, I just couldn't feel anything. I was just dark. I wasn't like a, it was blackness around me, even if I drove home in the afternoon. Well, I guess my behavior started really, in my personal life, it really started showing. And my ex Marla and Sari came together and they said, you were with at that point. Yes. It was early on, but still, what a gift, you know. And we went to my son's psychiatrist because, you know, my son's bipolar. And he met with me with them for like two hours. And he said, you're bipolar. And that led to me, oh, this is going to be, I don't want to be so sad.

But what happened was I had a blowout with the Goldbergs. And the blowout was all the things I talked about. And then the last scene I ever filmed was me with Tim Meadows, Dave Kekner, and Troy Gentile, who played my son. And it essentially was a pizza commercial. No one told me. Hey, everybody loved pizza at it. And it's in the show. And I got up and I said, what the hell's going on?

And they go, it's to be great. We'll get to hire a new writer with that money. I go, hold on. The $900 billion corporation that owns this. thing will not pay the minimal amount from a little Caesar thing to get another writer. I said, if I were to do a commercial, do you know much money I would want? I said, no, I'm not doing this. I said, here's the way we'll do it.

We're going to shoot me out. I'm going to say, hey, guys, whatever. And before my son walks out with the pizza, I'm going to leave. I left and I knew I'd never come back to that set again. When the producer of the show came to my house and I was done, didn't want to go back, he said, what would it take for you to go back? I said, a big raise and I work one day a week. They said, yes.

And if it sounds too good to be true, it's too good to be true. And so I had resentment from my castmates, not as much the crew, but there was some of them great resentment. I didn't know it at the time, though. I was naive. I didn't know they knew anything about my anything. And so they said, we went to shoot Jeff out, seven. seven episodes in two days. And at first, I'm like, yeah, great.

And then I'd think, I don't want to be dead man walking, walking around that set. And then, no, I'll do it. I had a nervous breakdown, and I was going to commit suicide. I reached out to Susie. And I said, I hate when people don't reach out. But at noon today, I will be dead. I'm letting you know I will be dead. And she called Marla.

And she called Sari. and my friend Brad Morris, my girlfriend and my ex-wife called him. He's one of my best friends. He watched me while they were looking for a place for me to go. And the choices came down to two places that could be helpful for him with all the research they were doing and talking to people. Beverly Hills, this is the middle of winter. Beverly Hills, a private, lush home big facility in the Beverly Hills.

All this privacy, they can do great. stuff with you, and then there's this place in Cincinnati. So they said, where do you want to go? Middle of winter. I went to Cincinnati, because that, I was serious. I'm not going to some fucking rehab in Beverly Hills. Fuck that, man. I went to Cincinnati in the middle of winter.

And I learned this thing called DBT Dialect Behavior Therapy. I was no longer suicidal. They helped get me to a point where I could stand. And then I went out in the world, and it took time between therapy. and medication for bipolar, all that stuff, to where I felt kind of whole. And I'm just now, this is from five years ago, whatever, I'm just now feeling really good, just now. Maybe the book coming out, but around now, really.

And I've been low, and I've been really, really low. And it's amazing that, you know, mental illness that it's not, like no one at Sony said, are you okay? Hey, everybody said, Jeff, you can't talk about, I'd sing songs about my, I did all the stuff I did on curb, singing songs about my grandma's balls, et cetera, except people would complain. Whereas on curb, if I didn't do it, people would come up and go, are you feeling okay? Because I was always so jovial and fun and loose and saying nonsense. But on the Goldbergs, it was a dark thing.

So I'm like, and so it took me a while. And then I started doing AA, dialected behavior therapy, continued my regular therapy, started boxing, getting myself physically healthy, doing things creatively that I found interesting, a la the book. That's what I've been doing being out of the way, is this, it's almost like a rebirth thing. And I'm now, as you said, I'm, this moment I'm happy being with you.

But primarily I'm very content. and I'm very creatively fulfilled. I'm personally fulfilled. My wonderful girlfriend, I have great children. I have a great ex-wife. I have great friends. It's all good, man, but that was dark.

I mean, I'm revealing that, and I've talked about it a couple times before, but the point is that people, I know people will appreciate me talking about it. They will because it makes them feel, but the thing that they have to know, and this will be explained a lot about people who do what we do, we get just as dark as you do.

We have bad days just like you do. And I, Jeff Garland, comedian, joyful gentleman, was going to end his life. However, it was a dumb way I was going to do it. I live up on Mulholland. I was actually going to jump, because it's pretty steep behind me. I was going to jump. And I realized only later, you would have just rolled and broken every bone. It would have been a failure for you and you'd be in pain.

So, but I'm grateful that I had friends and family, and then people have been so supportive of me. And, yeah, I'm just a big bowl of wonderful. Ah, my brother. Ah, no, you're sweet soul. Oh, thanks, pal. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for them.

I'm so happy for you. You did all of that. I'm sorry, you know, that it was dark and all that stuff. Yeah. I'm so glad you did that. I'm so glad you did this. Yeah, it led to that. I'm so glad you did that.

I'm so glad you. I want to hang out with Sarah. What a wonderful person. We're going to get dinner sometime. I know. We've met. The last time we were together was on the plane. Remember you were sitting the row behind me on the plane?

And, yeah. And, you know, the ladies took to each other. So we will hang out sometime. Yeah, we will. Yeah. We're fucking recluses. By the way, the joke is. So, Holkin, your wife treat you like my partner does.

And we go nowhere. We go nowhere. If we went to your house, it would have to be only the two of you. Anyone else except for, let's say, let's say Charlie, you know what I mean? And your daughter-in-law? No, no, because I have social anxiety. Yeah, so does marriage. Yeah, you know, and it's tough.

Yeah. And people go, how can you have social anxiety? I go, when I'm doing stand-up, I'm presenting myself. And you're hosting. You have a job. I have a job. And then the other times I'm on camera. And so it's a lot different.

but you put me in small talk, Bill? Oh, my God. I did think of something funny, though. I don't know about you, but I love watching Law and Order. SVU and do you know the words to that song, the Law and Order song? There are none. Anyhow, this is, something struck me for Small Talk. And Larry could easily do this.

I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it. And that is, you know, on the show, the lawyers will question somebody or make their case, and then they'll say nothing further. And I thought, what a great thing. I'm sitting with three or four people. It's all small talk. I'm bored out of my mind. I don't particularly like them.

Nothing further. And then walk away. That's a new thing. I hope I get a chance. I hope I'm brave enough to do it. And I might just for comedic purposes, just to tell a story about it, I might do it. Mary is petrified of small talk. Petrified.

If you're at a party and she sits down and somebody sits down with her and they actually start talking, she's fine. Yeah. Small talk and just horrifying. No. And if they have a real conversation, it's like what a gift. And also what helps you, and imagine it helps her, is curiosity. Yeah. You can have a real conversation with somebody if you're curious about what they tell you about themselves.

Yeah. You're not as interested in telling you when you did that show and you were the pirate or whatever the fuck it was. Yeah, I've never been a pirate. But you've done some roles that are like, what the hell and come out of them? You know, what was that, Emily's what? What was the one? Or don't touch so-and-so or the dog. Something about Amelia.

Something about Amelia. It was a misunderstanding. I know, but holy shit, you're Ted Danson. You can rise above that, man. How does someone? Although I was a villain once on Law and Order, and I raped, I murdered a director and raped his wife, okay? Wow.

And I was a studio head. And that same night, that aired, and the same night, I had done a run on Wizards of Waverly Place with Selena Gomez. And so I was their uncle Calbo. So the same night they aired And I went on my front porch And like living in the hills I just yelled out

Who's got range? Yeah, you know I was for a while When something about Emilia and I played an incestrous father And I was doing also No it was a really It was a great movie actually

Glenn Close Yeah no it's really great Yeah Miranda Haynes Um There's a story there. Anyway, I'll do the story. Randa Haynes played my daughter, and she was brilliant.

And it was such a thoughtful show. It was before Disease of the Week shows. Right. And this was run and ran kind of all over the world, and they were at Parliament in certain countries convened the day after they saw this to put laws into effect. Right. It was a very powerful show. Yes. By the way, I saw it when it came out. And by the way, that's also in the days where we had shared experiences with television. So everybody saw that, you know, and it was very poignant and scary.

So as an actor, I realized my job was to try not to have a false note so people could not go. That has nothing to do with me. You wanted to be as real as possible. And so I talked to people and I, you know, you sit there and you try to go, well, you can under, could you understand this or that? And then, but then there was the line that you cross when somebody then crosses that to taboo. Right. And no one who treats people like that or has, you know, had conversations in prison or whatever, no one crosses that line. They can't explain it.

Right. So I was, went out to as much kind of, you know, methody, whatnot methody, but I really thought about it all. Yeah. So then, Hardcut, 10 years, 8 years later, we have a house at the beach, and Steve McQueen's, Chad McQueen, had a house next to us. And he always had very young, beautiful people hanging around and, you know, motorized things going all over the place. What's that? You did this.

Good object work. Thank you. That was a jet ski. Oh, that's a jet ski. Okay. I thought it was a motorcycle. Go ahead. had those two?

Yeah. Well, that was more of this. Anyway, I looked down and I see this group of, you know, this one particular girl who was just, you know, in a bikini and I found my son. And then I went, oh, shook my head and walked off, did something. And I came down later to the beach. And I'm on the beach and this group is still over there. And I hear Ted, Ted!

And it's the girl. I was kind of embarrassingly looked at like this. And it was Randa Haynes, who had played. my daughter that I had incestrian. Amelia. Amelia, who played Amelia. And that guilt that flooded over me. Oh, my God.

Was like, okay, maybe I understand a little bit about, you know, what I was trying to act before. I was overwhelmed with shame and guilt. How could you not? Because you went deep into that role. And by the way, especially knowing you well now, there was no Ted Danson in that. No.

No. Oh, what I was going to tell you, I was hired to do the aramis commercials at the same time. Aramis. Remember when people wore Cologne? Oh, my God. And there were commercials for Cologne as opposed to an SUV almost going off a cliff, everyone now. And back then, there were a lot of Cologne commercials. Yes. And here's my quick Cologne story is I'm about to go out and do the first episode, I mean, shooting. I do this in the head of the advertising company, he goes, no!

And I went, what? Not on your flesh. Don't put the cologne on your flesh. Very bad for you. Put it on your clothes. They used to use formaldehyde to make all that shit. Paca Rabon and all that. I used Pockerabom.

Sorry, Aramis. And also, by the way, you're much better now, I know. But by the way, the funny thing is kids in high school, like I and all my friends wore cologne. It was normal. Yeah. Don't touch your skin, no. What a world. We went silly. I want to just revisit how grateful I am, you know, as a friend, as some,

and as an acquaintance friend that you shared all that with me. I really appreciate. I obviously feel very, very, that's the most comfortable I've ever felt sharing that. Yeah, well, good. I've not felt comfortable before talking about that. And I was hesitant, but, you know, yeah, thank you. That was fun catching up with you, Jeff. Check out his new photography book, Best Seat. in the house. Moments no one asked me to capture, but I did anyway. It's out now. That's it for this week. Special thanks to Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to a loved one. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating if you're in a good mood and a review on Apple Podcasts. All our full-length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.com slash Team Coco. See you next time. Where everybody knows for now. You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow.

Our executive producers are Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer, engineering remixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grawl. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Battista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Antoni Yen, Anthony Yen, Mary Steenbergin, and John Osmore.