Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes) - Patton Oswalt

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

Patton Oswalt has a certain fearlessness, whether he’s doing standup for a sellout crowd or speaking his mind about what he sees in the world. He talks with Ted Danson about the role of comedy in dark times, why he loved Ted in “Body Heat” and “Damages,” his worries for the next generation, and what’s been giving him hope lately.Like watching your podcasts?  Visit http://youtube.com/teamcoco to see full episodes.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We're taking away the innocent years that you kind of need to remember as you get older and realize how cynical and dark things are. What kind of adult does that produce and what kind of kids do they raise? Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. I am very excited for you all to hear the conversation I just had with Patton Oswald. I'm not going to talk about it a lot. I'm going to let you just listen. He is an amazing actor. I've had the pleasure of working with him several times,

and his stand-up is brilliant, and he has a podcast, and he writes books, and he's about to hit the road soon with his new stand-up. The stand-up is called effervescent, and visit Pattonoswold.com to see if he's coming to a city near you. So let's get into it. Buckle up. Here's Patton.

Oswald. Before we came on the air, we were talking about this comedian friend of mine, Lisa Correo, who dated an astronaut and said astronauts, and I think rock climbers, and I'm sure skydivers and deep sea divers and cave explorers, they do have an adrenaline junkie aspect to them. How about the people who dive off cliffs and they have the rebel, what do they call it, squirrel or whatever? And who was the first guy? Because all I remember is, you know, those old films of the 1800s, and people were trying to create the first flying machines. And there were guys, like 18th century top hat version of the squirrel suit, and they just plummet and die.

Right, right. And again, an adrenaline junkie, and I'm sure a physicist or an engineer was like, okay, I'm going to jump off and this will actually. Like, how do you lead up to that and make sure that it glott? Or the first one. the first one and then it worked and then, of course, once the first one does it, then everyone's, oh, now we, it's like breaking the four-minute mile. Oh, we can do it.

But that is a thing where just the one random breeze hits you and you're just smacked against a rock and you die. This seems random what we're talking about, but it's not because to me, what you do as a stand-up is right next door for me. The older I get, the sheath around my nervous, you know, nerves getting thinner and thinner. So things traumatize me. If I go watch you, I like you, Patton, I want you to do well, and now I'm going to sit there and watch you do stand up in front of a bunch of people who may or may not like you would terrify me, just watching it. Yeah, I mean, watching it, I understand it's that parent watching their kid at a recital syndrome

where you don't want them to do badly. But for me on stage, not that I'm nowhere near an astronaut or a rock climber, but the one time that I'm weirdly comfortable is when I'm on stage, because my thinking is, hey, I've been doing this non-stop since I was 19, so it is something that I have become very good at

because I've just always done it. And two, I've got a microphone, I've got a light on me, I have advantages. And I'm also, I'm at that point, now, and this just comes from experience where I'm just really interested in what I'm talking about and I'm not in a rush anymore. I've noticed my pacing now as a stand-up when I watch my earlier specials. You can see kind of this frantic, like, let's get this show cooking. And now I'm just way more patient. Like, okay, I know where I can get, walk him to a surprise laugh rather than

give them a laugh every single second. Right. You know what I mean? But that just comes with doing it over and over and over. I'm sure, like... No, no, there's no comparison. If you're trying to look over here and... Well, hang on. I will argue that there was stuff that you did on damages where up to that point, you know, you had been Ted Danson, you were on a very successful sitcom, you were a very, you know, set up punchline, laugh, laugh, laugh, you were in movies and stuff. And then this was like the dawn of the, like these basic cable dramas, like the shield and damages that were really doing cinema type stuff

but on TV. And there were very, very laid back, quiet things that you would do that I don't think a younger actor would have done. Like, well, there's the scene when you wake up in that hotel room and you real, not in your hospital bed

and the guy gives you the thing of ice. And it comes crashing in on you that the whole world hates you and this one guy is giving you a sip of ice water. And like the enormity of it and you're not rushed in getting to that point. You're not rushed to getting to the point of I am the most hated human being on the planet.

And it's also done, I think older actors and more experienced actors, they can underplay everything. Because when you're young and you're like, I've got a pop in this scene. And you learn as you get older, the camera's got me. It'll get every little thing that I do. And your gestures are so much smaller and subtler. But that comes from watching yourself in films, watching us a TV, going, oh, I didn't need to be that big. It would have caught that. So that, I just remember that scene so clearly.

Me too. Yeah. I love that thing. Before we move on, do you have any other stories about me? Oh, my gosh. I mean, tap dancing on the dock in body heat. Oh, that was wonderful. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Okay, here's the difference. So sorry, your theory, your whatever, does not hold water. Because, here's why, here's why. Because, let's stick with damages, in my case, versus stand-up. Damages, they had three of the most amazing writers. And they came, you know, they were just brilliant. And they would give you certain freedoms that you, you know, and you could be indulgent.

They were so confident in the event of the scene that it doesn't matter what the word are at this point this event's going to be amazing yes but that so there's a team of people there that allow set the table for me to get lucky and do something fun or good you're standing up bare buckass it's just going to be you and me you know buckass naked yeah and you can't tell me it's the same you know i mean they're just different disciplines i mean when i'm acting and seen here's the thing that makes me nervous in the scene when i'm on stage it's just me if i go down in flames. I'm the only one going down in flames. But if I mess up a scene or don't give the right energy and I'm affecting other people's work and that weighs very heavily on me. I don't want to

be a bad, I want to contribute to a scene. I remember Bill Murray saying what we learned in Second City is if everyone in the scene is trying to make everyone else better in the scene, then the whole scene is amazing. Rather than someone going, I've got to win this scene. And a lot of times, when I started off as a stand-up, and then I started acting, I still had that stand-up mentality of, I've got to win and be the... And it took me a while to get over the fear of just going, you can just sit there and listen to other people and be just as compelling. Yeah.

I learned early on that being in a two-shot of something funny is just as funny as you, you know... Oh, I mean, so much of cheers is they're surrounding you with kind of... lunatics and unstable people. And just like Monty Python, they would fight to be the straight character in the scene because the straight character reacting is what, that's where the laugh lands. The goofy person does something goofy, but it's not the person goes, okay, like it having to deal with that, that's what gets this huge laugh, you know? And so it's really, really, I mean, watch taxi.

Judd Hurst is just reacting to everybody, but it gets such massive laughs because he knows exactly how to react to them. You love actors, you love TV, you love film, you love, wow. Love it. And you remember it all, pretty much everything you've seen. Stuff that really lands when you really see someone like doing, like figuring, finding something in the scene and figuring it out. Back to me, back to me.

Well, I mean, back to, you know, when you connect with, you tap dance on a pier in body heat. It just, it was such a weird choice. By the way, was that, I got to ask you, was that in the script that your character first time? Oh, it says that you start tapped in. Literally, you could take. It looks so spontaneous. You could take Larry Kasden's script, Lawrence Kashton, the one that you auditioned with. Right.

And go to the theater and watch the film. And you could conduct it like a symphony. Everything was in it. Well, then you guys just made it feel very spontaneous. I mean, when he throws that frigging chair through the window. Yeah. And the way she reacts to it, like, terrified and turned on and like, okay, where do I do? Where do I go with this?

Yeah. I'm sorry, that, that movie is just perfection. But yeah, I just, I love when, and I love this with anything, like when you see a band on stage and they like all, you can, you can see it if you know where to look for it when a note or a chord all comes together. Like they've been doing this, they've been doing like 200 shows in a row and some nights are good and some nights are bad. And then this night, a random Thursday night in Wichita, oh my God, everything just came together. And you see them all kind of react to each other like, nice, okay, good. There's a moment in hard days night near the end when the Beatles are playing for the TV show. And Paul and John look at each other and just start laughing.

Like, can you, like a year ago, we were in a strip club in Hamburg for like 80 angry businessmen. And what is happening? Like, it's such absolute joy. They can't believe this is happening. So I love when those little moments come through. And a moment that really comes through acting for me is when someone actually brings something to a character that they might not want to admit, oh, but this is something that I have in me. And it's very uncomfortable when you embrace. Only reason to do it, really.

Yes, is when you, there's, again, getting back to damages, there's that moment when you're like, I'm going to, when Farbyshire is going to, now I'm going to devote my. life to good works. And then that lasts maybe two episodes because the the innate core of his character is, I don't care and I'm in a rush. I just want the money and I just want the, and he kind of has a passive aggressive blow up at his guru. But you, there was clearly things in that scene where you're like, I have also been this petty and impatient about shit. Like it just, you are stepping into a part of yourself. that's like, okay, you know what? I do asshole things too.

Here we go. The joy of being able to have a character where you get to release that and go, oh, yeah, this is fun. All this stuff I've been denying myself and bullshitting is fun. But it's also, it really connects with an audience too because I think a lot of times in our world, especially now with all the social media, people are very, very conscious of how they present themselves and they want to be the good guy or they want to be the smart person or they want to be the compassionate person. But the reality is, and everyone has compassion and intelligence and good

in them, but also we have moments where we're assholes. And so when people let that slip and then decide, you know what, I'm not going to apologize for that. That's also a part of me. That in a way, I think, connects you even stronger to people because I just saw something real because so much of what you see now is engineered and mapped out through a PR team and and, you know, choreographed. And when you see those moments, it's why like some kind of awful people end up kind of getting followings because they're like, yes, this person is awful, but they're actually being who they are. I haven't seen that in so long. Yeah, I was, you know, you're right. Sorry, I was about to interrupt you a second ago.

And my point no longer holds after what you just said. But it was like there are some people who are, who pride and take great joy in being assholes. That's a different thing. It is. And they would learn and grow if they would let just a little bit of good out because they have that too. They do. Because there is an impact. I never thought of it that way.

There is the opposite of that, but it's just as engineered and fake as a person going, I got to be the truth telling them out of who it fucking hurts. No, no, you're going out of your way now to be it because this is the image you built up and you need to super serve your niche right now. I'm talking about it should go both ways. I like it when, you know what's really weird whenever like a president slips and like curses or does something like there was President Bush was talking about the mid-east. This was years ago.

He's like, yeah, if they would just stop doing this shit. Like he had this moment on and they're like, oh, this hot mic moment. I'm like, that actually made him seem a little more human to me. I'm not even a fan of his, but, like, I could see someone getting that frustrated, you know? So when you let, when you're just honest about, I don't have, not all my days are good days, and I do shitty things sometimes, you know, or I just lose my temper, or I'm petty, or I'm the, that's another thing, too, is a lot of comedians, when I see them interacting with other comedians, especially on podcasts. and I know this is part of insecurity and I understand that I'm not criticizing it but there's a lot of not laughing at other people's stuff

like I've got to be the alpha here and I've never understood like you're a comedian you get to hang out with other comedians laugh like a fucking loon when they say something funny you get to you get to hear people making up jokes in front of you. You know who's great at that? Larry David. Oh, he loves. Larry will ruin take after take

because you've made him laugh. We're so generous with his laugh. We did a scene on the show. It was a dinner scene, so I'm there, and Richard Kind is there. Spectacular actor. Spectacular actor, but also deadly in a scene because he could destroy everyone. And he'll go after you to make you break. He'll do two things.

He'll go after you. And then also he'll ruin a scene without realizing he's ruining it because the most normal shit he says is hilarious. So Ollie, he had to start off by saying, and now I'm laughing, just thinking about it. He just said, I was at the bookstore. But the way he said, he was like, I was at the bookstore.

And Larry could not, I think we did like five takes just to get that line without Larry laugh. And then knowing Larry was going to laugh the rest of the table, Susie, me, Jeff, M, Vince Vaunt. Like, we couldn't, like, he's going to say it and we're all going to lose it now.

And all he was saying, was I was at the bookstore and he was about to tell a story about it, but just the way he said I was at the bookstore was the funniest thing we'd ever heard. Okay, I love this conversation because I have this, for me, this confidence of knowing where I want to go and then you just take off. But here I want to go back to stand up. Okay. I heard you tell someone in some other podcast books writing movies TV all of it's just to keep my celebrity high enough that I can go out and do stand up and draw a crowd yeah it's I mean I love acting in things oh go ahead I just cut you off why why stand up what why and here's here's where I want I would love it for you to go with what is that do you feel a response in this day and age to put something, whatever it is, doesn't, I don't mean sanctimonious,

but something out into the world that is a good thing for the world. And if so, is stand up a place for that or does that, can you go with that? I do have a problem getting, I do have a thing where symptoms I am very sanctimonious and am very self-righteous and I got to check myself. It's the faux Christ thing. Like, oh, I want to be seen. doing the good thing, you know. But at the end of the day, it's that I, I think the best thing that Sanof does is it reminds people, you are not alone in your confusion and your exasperation and your, and feelings of ineffectiveness and embarrassment. We are all, everyone, no matter how amazing they may seem, or how together. Because when I do,

stand up, I've got to talk for an hour. If I only have to talk for an hour, I can come off pretty wise and sage. But what I remind them during my hour is, if you were to hang out with me all day, you would see me doing the dumbest shit, like to the point where you'd want to maybe call in a wellness check, like the stuff that I do. And then people go, yeah, I do that too. That's how we all struggle through things. And you hope the good stuff gets remembered. You hope that the good things you do or the smart things you do get remembered. But also, you've got a wink at the stupid shit you do. You've got to wink at the mistakes because you're going to make them. So that's, and I'm not trying to, I'm getting really, really disturbed lately about how suddenly

comedians are, but comedians are the truth tellers. They're the philosophers. They're the ones who are actually giving us the truth. No, the news media, the philosophers should be giving us the truth. The comedians should be the ones opening the pressure valves. We all don't go insane. but because we are in this weird post-truth, almost feudal society again, we're back to, oh, but the gestures are the ones pointing out that the king is fat.

Yeah, but the king stays on the throne and is sending your kids off to war to die. That's not, like, there should be people calling him out and holding him to account. Saying that the comedians are doing that is basically saying, well, there's nothing we can do to stop the king. But, hey, the comedians can point out that he's goofy looking. That's good, right? Like, to me, when comedians become the truth tellers and the philosophers, it means that the truth tellers and the philosophers are failing. And that's really scary to me.

You know what I'm saying? Well, that's a brilliant fucking riff. That was really. Well, I just, it's, it's true. I wish that was a riff. That's something I've been stewing about for a few months now. But it's true. It's an accurate description of where we are.

Yeah, exactly. There used to be like, because you could have, wacky comedy or a fun action movie because you felt like, well, but the people in charge are preventing this kind of insanity from happening. That's why I can enjoy it vicariously. And now when you watch it, it's like, oh, this is the people in these fools that I used to watch in comedies, these bad clumsy presidents or goofy doctors or, you know, charlatans that are running things. Like, I love Ghostbusters, but there's a weird, it is. It is. kind of odd watching Bill Murray's character now

and going, well, Charlottons like him are actually in charge. Like, he was in the movie to show, hey, maybe don't let a Charlton like this have a nuclear reactor strapped to his back. And now we're letting that person in real life. So it's not so escapey anymore.

You know, it just feels a little weird. It's the same thing. Okay, when Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas did Wall Street, you know, and they worked up the the Gordon Gecko character, they worked that character up like, let's make the most evil character we can conceive. And then he turns out to be a hero to a whole generation of people.

That's terrifying. That must have been so like, no, no, we were doing that to go, don't live your life this way. Everyone's like, yes, that's me. Yeah, I want to do that. But a lot of times your creation gets away with you, gets away from you, and then it becomes a hostage to the bigger times you're living in

and you can't control it anymore. So I'm going to keep defiantly trying to say, hey, people, get over yourselves. We're not this. And anyone who thinks that, like, their deity has come to find them, to choose them, to lead people is terrifying. I'm like, no one's searching for you.

Do your best while you're here. Laugh at your mistakes. Everyone calm down. And then it'll all, like, that is that you're actually doing more. more good for the world if you're just showing everyone else, hey, it's okay, we're all going to screw up, you're forgiven, let's keep moving forward. Can we do a little parentheses here for a second with atheists?

I've never heard you talk about it, so I don't know. Yeah, you know why? Because I'm not one of these. There's a lot of atheists out there that are no different than evangelicals. They are just as ready to pounce and try to, own people in a conversation. I'm just like, I have no, I think religion itself is kind of beautiful. It was a way for people to try to explain the darkness and the unknown and the things

that are terrifying. Now, just like anything, it fell into the, sometimes it falls into the wrong hands. It becomes a business. Yeah, it comes a business. But the regular lay person that's just like, I believe there's a thing in the sky and maybe if I'm nice to people that I'll, you know, move on. It's just, it's all, also, it's all just a metaphor for our own, I just think the story of, like, Jesus and the crucifixion and the resurrection is just a metaphor for our own creativity and our own psyches, which one do you free? Do you free Jesus, do you free Barabbas, you know, which one do you become?

And it's just all of us just trying to, you know, it's just myth. Yeah, it's, it's, and the same myth gets told in all the different cultures, which means we do clearly come from some kind of, a common psychological, creative source, and we're all trying to work out the same thing. But a lot of times it becomes profitable for someone to go, well, no, we're just a little bit better than them. And it's hard to give up that power once you grasp it for yourself. I'm the kind of atheist. And I like to think that I'm the kind of atheist that's like a truly good Christian or a

truly good Muslim that's like, this is just my own thing. I don't need to talk to anyone about this. You're a crappy atheist, to be honest. I'm a crappy atheist. I should be screaming at people. I should be at Whole Foods right now. Where did those dates come from? Where were they sourced? A bad atheist.

I'm just like, I don't care what any. Church, I visit, you ever go into, like, some of the classic churches are gorgeous. They're gorgeous to go sit in. Sometimes when I, you ever go to the worship area in an airport? I haven't. I've watched by them. They're so quiet and peaceful. Yeah.

It's the best. So your dad. Yeah. Vietnam. Yeah. Hardcore experiences in Vietnam from what I listened to you talk about it. Yeah. Did he expose you?

Did your parents expose you to a faith-based anything? My mom was raised Catholic, so I was raised as a lapsed Catholic. My dad was, he was. He was, my dad was the kind of Christian that I became as an atheist, which is just very quiet about it. It's my own thing. I don't need to show up at a church. I don't need to, you know, always be putting it on people. It's just my own thing in my own moments.

He was like, he was weirdly one of the more godly people I've ever known and never went to church. My mom started taking my brother and I to a Catholic church near us. We were teens and he never went. He's like, it's just not my thing, Carla. And I'm not saying you shouldn't go. Absolutely. you should go, but it's just not my thing. And we went, but I was a teenager, like she waited too long,

and I had just read too much, and I saw too much weirdness going on in the, there was just too many things that didn't really click for me at that point. And I was very, and also I was very much, you know, kind of egotistical and like, I'll figure out my own system and whatever. So it was just too late. But I had no, you know, we went. to St. Catherine of Sienna in northern Virginia, which is where that spy Robert Hansen would go, the guy who I think he's in Supermax in Colorado now. And apparently he was like crazy Catholic,

like in the Opus Day or something. And he apparently would report families for not dressing nice enough to his liking for Sunday service. And I think ours was one of the families he reported because I would, you know, fight with my mom in the morning like, I'm just going to wear my Spider-Man t-shirt. And she's like, no, honey, can we just put on a suit? No. So I feel like I was reported by Robert Hansen for Mrs. Oswald had his son had a T-shirt on. And I think that's very disrespectful. But yeah, it was just, it was that kind of, it was just too late for me to latch on.

And who knows, I'm not one of these people that's like, for all I know, when I turn 70, I will have some awakening. Don't make that sound so fucking weird. I'm telling you that's not that's not weird at all that happens all the time you know happens all the time okay so this is it's this is kind of a political science conversation it's a get ready for laughs no no no no no no this is the opposite okay so we're in l.A. There's a lot of suffering and sadness and fear in l.A. right now I don't mean the fires and the strikes and the COVID and all of that that has hit this town. But I'm talking about immigration, the sadness and fear that you see on the streets. And what can I, and I'm sitting here talking

about it. I'm not doing and I'm not sure what that doing is. I felt the exact same way. I know what you're saying like, what am I doing? Why am I doing anything? You know, I contribute to action funds that try to provide legal assistance. You know, money stuff. stuff. Somebody pointed out, I remember this, it's just giving me hope. But again, this is also a very weak. There's always more you can be doing, but you can't do everything. And what use will you be in the long run? If you absolutely burn yourself out, you have to also keep yourself healthy and focused so you can, you know, because also what we're going to need is healthy focus people for the rebuilding when we get to the other side of this. It's one thing to resist this to the best of our

ability but the rebuilding is going to be even more crucial and if we burn ourselves out in the resisting then then there'll be no one left to rebuild and then something even worse can come along and take the reins so find a balance but somebody remember somebody put on social media no i'm not doing the most that i can for immigration i but i'm you know i'm i'm i'm signal boosting things and i'm sure that um during the rise of the nazis in in germany and austria if there have been people posting and saying, hey, the Nazis suck. It would have helped the people that were, know that there's other people out there that have your back and see this for what it is. I mean, when you talk about the sadness and the suffering of what's going on with ICE

and immigration, you realize very quickly, the sadness and suffering is the point. This has no matter what they say about, no, we're trying to make America safer and trying to bring jobs back. It has nothing to do with that. Because they killed a bill in the same. Senate that would have at least approached this problem. They're raiding kindergartens, kindergarten graduations and grabbing parents. It's like there's no way, there's no argument for this. And it's going to be one of those things where there seems, there's so much awful stuff happening right now that is so massively awful that you realize, oh.

This is a distraction. Not only is a distraction, it's one of those things that, no matter how much you say about it, people just wave you. away because it's so obvious and massive that it can't be true. And in 20 years, there'll be histories written going, well, this is what was going on. And the people that were yelling about it were made to look like they were insane. You know, like we can't point out what's happening right in front of us because it's so massive and so comical. They're, you know, they are one of the scariest things that a lot of these fascists doing is they're usurping comedy. They're using the, we're just goofballs. What do you come on? It's a joke.

which is a big thing that authoritarians and fascists do. You make yourself so ridiculous that if you pointed out, suddenly you're the scold in the Animal House, Caddyshack movie that's just trying to spoil the good time and you look like the nerd. Again, that's a tactic. So all this, for these ice agents with their fucking masks and their stupid,

you know, ordered off of Amazon body armor, it's just fucking fun and games for them. And you're the one ruining a good time for these assholes. And they just want everybody terrified and thinking twice. Like you said, while they roll in the really big machinery that then once that's in, it's too late to do anything about it. Because you were yelling about how badly they were. And again, I'm not saying that we shouldn't be also focusing on this,

the violence against gay people, trans people, people of color. immigrants, yes, all of that should be pushed against, but there are big, gray, not as exciting evil things rolling in behind us that are so hard to articulate. And then once that gets in, there's no going back. It's like the savings and loan crisis. Everyone's like, oh, my God, it all just happened in the background. No, no, no.

It was reported every day in the financial sections, but it's so boring. It's hard to follow it, you know? It's why someone like Michael Lewis is so essential to go, you know, this is what is happening. I'm trying to spell it out in a way that you'll understand, but they're counting on it being so boring, and it's all numbers, and it's all that you'll pay attention to the other stuff,

which is just as awful. That's true. But that's the game plan. And again, the ice raids are so, like, comically evil. they're so comically evil that it's hard to wrap outrage around it it's like they're trying to be more outrageous than the outrage that is coming and they're counting on that but luckily you know i'm seeing we're seeing genuine pushback going on and i just hope that this will end in disaster for the people that are doing this before i ask you something else and totally ruin your career By the way, I'll be in the improv tonight.

Anyway, sorry, go ahead. Okay, you have a 16, 17, 18-year-old daughter? 16-year-old daughter. Okay. So all of everything that you say, I feel like I see too. I don't know if I'm as eloquent as you are. I'm not. But you then have to turn, my grandkids are younger, 13 and down.

If you say, you know, if I were to talk to them about things, and I'm not saying this is what you did, I want to turn the corner into hope is where I'm going. Yes. Because you can't turn to your children and say things are hopeless. This has gone so far that it's hopeless. Climate change is gone so far that it's hopeless. You can't do that. You can say it's severe and we're going to do da-da-da-da.

So how do you turn that corner in your brain for yourself? so you can pass it on to your daughter. Is that a... I just reminded there's always new Marvel movies coming out. That's interesting that you bring that up because there has been, and I see this among her friends too, which, and again, I absolutely don't blame them for this.

They have grown up, think of 16 and 15 and 17-year-olds right now. Think of what they've grown up watching right when the doors of perception kind of open for them when they were in 10 or 11, and they saw adults acting like children. The adult, there's nothing scarier for kids that when you see the adults in charge are not helping you or are just saying there's nothing I can do, or they're acting like other mean kids. When you're at school and a kid is mean to another kid, the teacher step in and go,

hey, you apologize, we don't be mean to each other here. And then you see an adult standing in front of the presidential seal saying the same mean things that you saw a 10-year-old saying, and nobody, he doesn't get in, trouble, that really can shake up your world. And I think we're going to see the effects of this in another 10 years, how we showed these kids that there was no one in charge. And there was a piece of footage, uh, I'm going to get on. There was a piece of footage the other day, and it's a little, um, it's a little kid and her, I think her dad ran like a, uh, a taco stand or like a food stand. You know, dad was immigrant running a food stand and ice came and, you know,

I think grabbed her dad or like wrecked the food stand. They would, they do, I don't know what, I said come in, these, again, these fucking thugs, these just fucking proud boy idiots came in, wrecked the stand. And then this little girl is talking to a policeman. And she's like, what, when they were wrecking my dad's stand and why don't you help us? Like, why didn't, and asking like, she wasn't acting like a saying in a political way. Like, I was taught when I was a little kid, the police are here to help you. And I just watch them do nothing while they wrecked my dad.

My dad wasn't hurting anybody. Mean guys and masks came. Like villains came. Wreck this. And now I'm asking you, why don't you do anything? And the guy's like, I don't know. There's nothing I could do. And I just keep thinking of that footage.

Like that little kid is going to grow up believing in nothing. No one is coming to help. No one is there to, like we're taking away. way the innocent years that you kind of need to remember as you get older and realize how cynical and dark things are. And there's going to be people going, I didn't even have that when I was five. When I was five, I knew there was no one there for us. Like, what kind of adult does that produce and what kind of kids do they raise? You know, we don't see the long-term effects of this. They just threw a kid into alligator alcatraz. There's a little kid right now in a bunch of cages

with adults, with guards making jokes about feeding them to alligators, that's one of the core memories this little kid is having right now. And I just, I always remember like, we always go, why, where do these terrorists come from? I think the terrorists come from the innocent people that we throw in cages that then are forged in that environment and then come out of the cage going, well, I don't need to believe in any of this. I don't need to believe in any of this. I can take it all because they showed me there's nothing to trust in and we don't see that you need to pay that trust and comfort and and um uh charity forward and we're just not doing it right now because right now cruelty is currency and it's cool to be cruel and it's and it's the new currency is how little

feeling can I show how cynical and ironic and postmodern can I be about the most awful stuff on the planet and if you stop and get angry about it they're just It's like, oh, look at the normie all, you know, messed up about thing. We're beyond that now. We're past the, you got to be tougher, man. It's like, I don't want to, I don't want to be tougher. If it means I'm a big fucking dork, then I don't want to be tougher. Because then, I don't know, it's like Clive James, I remember there's a quote of his,

I'm not going to get this exactly right, but he's like, one of the project of the Nazis was, even if you survived in their world, it was a world that wouldn't be worth living in. They were creating a world that even if you survived their, you know, their methods of torture or their extermination machine, you would not want to live in it. So what's the like,

so in other words, they were making the sensitive and the caring and the artistic and the searchers and the people that really wanted to make the world better, just make them self-cancel themselves, because they're like, well, I can't live in this world. Look at the world they're creating.

And I'm seeing this world that's being created. If I was a teenager, I would question whether I wanted to live in that world. Watching adults act like bullies on a playground, middle school bullies. Middle school bully shit coming out of the mouth of a 73-year-old on TV. And it's a person in authority. And everyone just goes, what? He says it like he means it, man. What are you going to do?

You know, that would be terrifying if I was a little kid. Terrifying. Anyway, so I'll be at the comedy store tonight. It's 830 show and also the improv. So come on by. A lot of laughs. You make a lousy atheist. I know.

I'm a really lousy atheist. I'm sorry. Hey. Hey, I would like a lot of these Christians to start acting like Christians. That would be an amazing world. If they actually followed the teachings in the Bible, this world would be incredible. Thank you. Yeah.

I'm not through with you yet. Do you want to talk about damages again? No. Okay. No, that would be highly embarrassing. I can literally see his head like, I don't want him visiting me in Ohio next month. Oh, my God, I do not want to put me out. I'm kind of speechless.

I really appreciate you what you just said. It's true. I am, it was very eloquent and real and honest. I don't know if we addressed hope. Oh, oh, God, I never even got to hope. I mean, here, okay, I will actually, we'll give you some hope. And also not naive. I mean, but I do think you need hope.

Yeah, and here's the hope that I'm seeing. There does seem to be a pushback now, as there always is, the new generation rejects whatever the old generation is doing. And there is a, there especially seems to be a rejection to being terminally online and being, you know, terminally meme driven and, you know, fad driven. There seem to be kids, friends of my daughter, at least, that their new clout is, I can't be found online. Like, if you want to contact me, I got a flip phone and a number, and that's the only way you can get to me.

And there's kids who want, like, they want, analog phones put back in or think they don't want their stuff online anymore because they just see how it all ends in tears. So there does seem to be this really interesting pushback of like, no, I don't have nine different social accounts. Here's my number. If you want to call me, you call me. That's all you're going to get out of me. You'll never even get a text for me. Like that is becoming the new cool for a lot of these kids. And with that, it means that they are going to start as much as we're being drowned in AI slop and we're being drowned in repurposed memes and post, post, post, post, post, post, post, irony, I think there'll be a younger generation that's going

to start craving and boosting authentic experiences. Like, it'll be that. It's like when I used to see prints in concert, and he would talk about, you're actually seeing real musicians playing instruments. We actually practice this and you're watching this happen. There's no backing track. there's no we are actually playing this that's what you're seeing and it and yeah it did seem at the time like well i mean but no that actually really really mattered damn and it made those shows special and i think that that is you know one of those he's one of those people that is that's why he just keeps perpetually um being beloved by new generations because as as good as you can make AI as good as you can make virtual reality and it's not going anywhere it's not like it's going

to die but you'll never get rid of people craving a authentic experience real contact you'll just never get you'll never be able to get rid of that never as much as what was that when they they were john ford was shooting some movie and they got on location and there was a massive sandstorm like blinding and they're like we can't get any footage and he goes we can shoot the most interesting thing you can film you we can film a human face people will always stop short to look at a human face They, they, it's what, it's how we communicate and that's what he did. So like that, that encapsulates what, yes, we're going to have to go down this road of AI and all this online stuff, but there's going to be a massive pushback against it, which is a generation going, I just want the authentic stuff. I don't, I don't need 9,000 sensations.

I can just sit and eat a sandwich without having my phone on. I can actually just eat and just think for a little bit, you know, like that, you'll see more and more of that. rather than this, which, by the way, you know what that is? Me. That's me. Like, I'm just now realizing, put your fucking phone down when you eat. Do you need every hole having stuff going into it? Like, what the fuck are you doing?

Or I'm embarrassed that I sit down and my phone's in my back pocket. So it's uncomfortable. But I put this computer. Yes. On next to my napkin and my forks. Yeah. You know? And think nothing of it.

But, you know. You put a thing with, I don't know, what, a thousand times the computing power that they used to get us to the moon. Yes. Next to your pokey bowl. You're just like, we don't even think about it anymore. It is, again, it's very, very comical. Like when they would do like those, remember those Looney Tunes cartoons, but life in the future.

And the guy just has like his own nuclear fusion thing on his wrist. And he doesn't even think about it. Like, hang on. Let me just get some power from. my house anyway but that is kind of how we live now with just miracles next to us that we don't give a shit about yeah hey you're my new hero oh no and and this is this is the courage of a stand-up right now that I just saw and I will come watch you do stand-up anywhere the courage and the stupidity both yeah I hope not stupidity okay and yeah thank you so much really really

really appreciate all the stuff you read, watch, learn, digest that you then were able to like put back out into my ears. Thank you. Thanks, man. And go back and rewatch damages and watch Ted Danson play the most patiently evil character on TV. It's really unnerving. If you know him from Man on the Inside on Netflix or you know him from Cheers, it is a very unnerving experience watching him in damages because you don't get rid of your TED dance and charm. A lot of times when comedic actors play villains, they go, I'm going all the way. You keep the charm, which is even scarier because you're like,

wait, he could have used that charm for real evil in real life, but he chose not to. You know, it would be really funny. What? Is if we cut all the middle stuff and we just loop together. Oh, it is. It just means. That would be true frobisher.

That would be, that is what Froebershire would do. That's exactly what he would do. But it is, okay, really quick, it's like, remember when Robin Williams said that movie, one hour photo, when he really played like he was not Robin Williams? And it was great. But he did another film, a Christopher Nolan film called Insomnia. Yeah. Where he also plays a villain, but he plays it like a charming Robin Williams.

He has the Robin Williams and Al Pacino. And he is so terrified. in that movie because you realize in real life, if Robin Williams had decided to use his charm for evil, we'd be in a lot of trouble. Yeah. A lot of trouble. That movie

is so unsettling to watch as just like damages. Love you, buddy. Thanks, man. That was the brilliant and hilarious Patton Oswald. Please catch him on tour at a city near you this fall.

It's called effervescent. Dates can be found on his website, pattenoswalt.com. That's all for our show this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to someone you love. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app

and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts, if you're so moved. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full-length episodes are on YouTube. visit YouTube.com slash team cocoa. See you next time, where everybody knows your name. You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted

Dancing and Woody Harrelson sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow, our executive producers are Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer, Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grawl. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Battista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Yen, Mary Steenbergen, and John Osmore.