Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes) - Rob Delaney

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

Ted Danson’s been getting to know his new coworkers, and today it’s actor, writer, and comedian Rob Delaney! Rob talks about his  journey from Twitter stardom to making acclaimed shows like “Catastrophe,"  how he ended up living in London, intergenerational friendship, falling in love with his wife, how losing his son changed how he works, and more.    Like watching your podcasts?  Visit http://youtube.com/teamcoco to see full episodes.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Balls are landing around me. People including my parents are like, where is he? Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. Today, I'm welcoming a new friend to this podcast and a new friend to my life. We've both been working on a new television show for about three or four weeks now,

so I'm just getting to know him. But actor and comedian Rob Delaney has been making people laugh for years, whether it's firing off hilarious one-liners on Twitter or starring in the TV show catastrophe, which he also co-created. In 2022, he published a New York Times bestselling memoir about his experience of losing a son. It's called A Heart That Works.

He's thoughtful, funny, and incredibly talented. Rob Delaney. Howdy. Thank you for doing this. Oh, my sincere pleasure. It's, I mean, I guess we'll have to talk around the fact. that we're currently working together. Why? Wait, why?

I mean, I think we can say that we're working. What's been published in the news is that me, you, Elizabeth Banks, and Katie Seagall are doing a show together, but nothing more than that. Okay. God, you're good at this. See, I would have just vomited out our entire plot, our dialogue, everything. But, yeah, and I'm having a really good time and enjoying getting to know you and everybody else on the extraordinarily funny show.

You know, we can also say is that it's written and created by Liz Helden's and Matt Ward. And how impossibly funny are they? They are so good. And what I love about their kind of funny is I've yet to say a joke, a joke joke. It's all like very logically takes you into this world of total insanity and funniness. Anyway. Yeah, you'll just have to wait and, God willing, enjoy it a year from now or whatever it comes out. So, all right, then let me just tell you what I've been doing when this got, we found out that you were willing to do this.

That's such a short notice. Mary and I sat down and watched three episodes of catastrophe, which we had not seen. And it is brilliant. It really is funny. Oh, thank you. And that really took off, didn't it? That really, for you, opened many doors. It really did.

Yeah, that was, yeah, I mean, nobody really was putting me in much at that point. And then, yeah, catastrophe, for those who don't know it, is a sitcom that I co-wrote and co-starred in with Sharon Horgan. Who is? Yeah. Bad sisters. Oh, yeah. Just knocked me out. oceanically funny and brilliant writer and actress.

And so we wrote this pilot together and it didn't cost anything to produce. And so I think- Why not? Because it was just- Production-wise, it was fantastic. It does look beautiful. And we can credit our director, Ben Taylor, for establishing the look of that show. But it was just, I mean, it was just us talking to each other in a kitchen, maybe a

bedroom, maybe walking down the street. And so I think the fact that it might not have been too big of a risk for Channel 4 over there in the UK to take, they did it. And then when they aired it, people actually watched it. Much to our shock. So yeah, so we were just blown away by the reception that that received. And then that show opened every other door that I've walked through in this career. This was 2015, 14? That started airing in, I think, January 2015. Wow. Wait, how did you hook up?

Because you were, I mean, you had done, you'd been very funny on the internet. I had been funny on the, I had tried to be funny on the internet. Yeah, people went, ooh, wow. And then, but then you did something in London. So what I did. So what I did. Well, I went over to do stand up there. And sorry, I'm just interrupting you're like crazy. Why? How did you go from here to, oh, let's go to London and do stand-up?

So that's an interesting, that's a little, an interesting inside baseball question for the show business nerds. Basically, I had signed with a manager now, maybe 18 years or so years ago, a woman named Kara Baker, who have been with since. And basically, I signed with her when I was a nobody stand-up. And she was just a nice woman who, came to one of my shows, and we started talking, and we agreed to work together. And after we've been working together for maybe a couple of years, I said, you know, I'd love to do stand-up in London. And she goes, oh, really? And what I didn't know is that I had signed with, at the time, a tiny American management company that was the very little tiny arm of a British behemoth

of comedy management and television production. And so what happened. was is the UK became my oyster merely due to my choice of manager, who was an American woman from Massachusetts like myself. And so when I just expressed a whisper of interest, she was like, oh, well, yeah, you can do anything you want in London. But had you seen some comedians in London or something that made you go, oh. Oh, also the fact that Twitter was global, and I could post a joke from my dead end job, you know, in a boiler room by the airport. And I could post a joke.

Is that a metaphor? Were you in a... Nope. Yeah. Not a... Yeah. The best boiler room representation in film that I've seen is in Boots Riley's Sorry to Bother You.

If anybody watches that excellent film, it shows what it's like to work with psychos and scumbags and people who by the airport, calling people being like, would you like to buy this terrible scam financial newspaper? And they'd be like, no. And I'd be like, yeah, I can't blame you. And then hang up and make way less than minimum wage or unemployment. And yeah, so I'm posting jokes, but people are reading them, you know, and I start to get, people are sharing my jokes.

Because at the time, I'm trying to get hired as a late night writer, like for Conan O'Brien, for example, Jimmy Kimmel. You should have aimed higher, but go on. I know. Well, you know, I didn't know. We're all born in the gutter. but some of us are sending joke packets to Conan. And so I don't get any traction, or they'll read them,

and they'll be like, yeah, these are great, but we have enough people on staff, so good luck. And so I was like, I'll just put these jokes online. So I did, and what I wanted to demonstrate to people was I aspire to write funny things, and I do it all the time. And so I figured I can at least show like a work ethic, you know. And so then people started sharing my stuff, and then British comedians learned about,

it. So, yes, when I did go over to do stand-up in London, I was able to sell tickets and get people to come to the shows, which, yes, of course, didn't hurt my ability to do that. Right off the bat. And by that, you mean clubs? Yeah, yeah. I did a run at the Soho Theater. And that's when I kind of truly discovered the power of the internet was that by writing jokes, again, like hiding in the bathroom at a newspapers, you know, call-in center, posting these jokes made it. So I was able to sell quite a few tickets in a foreign country. It was crazy. So that's when I was like, okay, this internet stuff. It's not just a passing fad. And forgive my ignorance. So that means you're doing a video selfie of yourself. No. Doing the joke? I'm doing it. Are you typing it out? I'm doing it on

Twitter.com, where initially you could only type things that were 140 characters. So you're having to do the tightest jokes that you possibly can and post them. And the hardest, I think, format to be funny, which is... Yeah, but late-night writing, as Conan and his writers will tell you, is, you know, frequently the two-line format. So you start with a, hey, yeah, today, did you see how the bib-a-boo? And then, well, zippity-bap, you know? So you just do the set-up punchline, set-up punchline.

So you kind of get in that mindset. So Twitter was actually a great place for late night style jokes, which I had by this time, by the stack, I'm reading the newspaper every day and practicing two-line jokes. So although I wasn't able to get hired as a late-night writer, I was building that skill set, and then Twitter just showed up at the right time for me and people like me. That's amazing.

Okay, so how did you fill the Soho theater the first time? I mean, how did people know to come see you at that point? At this point, I'm touring around the U.S. doing stand-up. So I'm doing the classical normal thing of going club to club, you know, going to the improv and the UCB and wherever, Largo and, you know, Comedy Store and when I'm here, and then I'm touring, you know, going to Ohio and Florida and whatever. And so I've got the repertoire, and then the fact that I can put a link to a theater, you know, or a clip of my stand-up and say,

hey, I'm going to be at the Soho Theater this week, and then boom. So it was quite, yeah, I was pretty mind-boggling to do that and have it work. And that's where... So then I go over, I'm doing stand-up at the Soho Theater, the head of the management company that I signed with, the British guy who runs that,

says, hey, I got you a deal to write a pilot for the BBC. But isn't that extraordinary? It's ridiculous. Now that, I'm like a big dream. You know, people in show business know how to dream, but I didn't dare think that I would ever get to write a BBC pilot. What? And meanwhile, that's a wonderful thing to get. But, you know, it doesn't mean that they were like, we're passing the mantle of our tradition and television to you. You're the future British television. It just means that they give you, you know, like a few thousand pounds. And you write 30 pages of stuff that usually they're just putting an incinerator. But then you look around for a co-writer. Yeah, I had admired Sharon Horgan because she wrote and starred, she co-wrote with Dennis Kelly, a show called Pulling, which to my mind was the funniest thing I'd really ever seen. It really rang all my bells. I think she's brilliant. Oh, yeah, super, super funny and an incredible writer. And so I said, hey, Sharon, do you want to write a pilot with me? And we'd become friendly on Twitter. She'd come to see me do stand-up. I believe she'd hired me to do some punch-up stuff on a script she was writing. And so we, wrote this pilot together and not thinking anything would happen, you know, but we did, I think what we did do. It's really good. Oh, thank you. So I'm coming. I know like 10 years late to the

party, wow, you're good. But it's wonderful. If I try to analyze like what worked about that show, I think we were both maybe a little older. We weren't like, you know, neophytes. We weren't, we weren't super young either of us. You know, we weren't like fresh out of, you know, the UCB theater at age 21 or whatever, you know. And so I think there was a, we had a world weariness that complimented each other. And we really just said,

let's do what the hell we want and hit hard. And leave it all on the pitch. It's a World Cup now. I don't know if there's an air when the World Cup is still on, but I wanted to use a football slash soccer metaphor so that men listen. Thank you. It'll help us, too.

And we just, yeah, we did the best that we could. And it worked. I mean, ridiculous. Ridiculous. Well, when I heard that you were going to be part of the show they were doing together with Elizabeth Banks for Apple, I was really excited. Because to me, that was like, oh, I see the tone that they are setting.

Because I saw you in, wait, bad monkey. Bad monkey. Sorry. Wonderful material. But you're just, you're just, you're really interesting besides being really, really good to watch and a really good actor. You are this combination of, I'm big enough to rip your head off. So I'm willing to also be the brunt of humor. you know i'm i'm willing to be silly i'm willing to be whatever but that combination of danger and funny i just

find so wonderful to watch and and i think there's a little bit of uh that contradiction in catastrophe too you were uh you were a really nice guy at least the three or four episodes i've seen so far you were a good nice human being well thanks yeah making it's interesting because we would we would write that and sometimes we'd be like, hmm, maybe I think Rob might have been a little too nice these last few episodes and Sharon might have been a little too nasty. And so then we would, we would, you know, flip it. And then, yeah, and also at one point, my real life wife was like, who's this guy? I mean, you've got to scum him up. And so then we did. Oh, it gets scumming. Oh, good. I look forward to it. Yeah, but always trying to remain human, you know, with anything that I make, I try to, I don't try to, like,

foist my sort of opinions and worldview on people, like, hit him over the head with it. But I do try to imbue humanity, you know, like leave the world a little better than you found it. You know what I mean? And so we tried to do that with catastrophe. Because then even if you're doing like a rather villainous character and bad monkey, you're saying, no, this is a full human being. Yeah. You may not agree with it. but there is humanity in everything you do, which is very cool.

That guy, that guy at every fork in the road took the wrong path again and again. One of the things that made me laugh was in the first episode of Contestphemy, you're finding out that she's pregnant. How can that be? And then you've probably had sex 25 times in the first, in the two weeks that you've known each other. And you only used, you know, a condom twice. She informs you.

Yeah, yeah. You go, how could you let me do this? With such this wonderful, you know, male. What a miserable thing to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Isn't that the best part of comedy is just sort of like unbuttoning your shirt and just saying like, just absolutely. hit me with that shotgun just filled with birdshot tear me apart, humiliate me, and let, just, just use me to make laughs. Yes, any laugh is great, even at my expense. Please, have at it. thrilling. It's actually the most fun to play, the oblivious idiot or the oblivious wrong-thinking person.

And to be, I mean, yeah, to be like the target and have somebody hit a bull's eye on you feel so good, you know? Isn't that funny? It is? It is. People would mistake that and think, no, no, no. I have to be carrying the football and the lead. No, you don't.

If you make fun of me well, oh, there's, it's, that's exquisite. Back up a little bit. Okay. Marblehead is where you came. Yeah, I grew up in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Yeah. What was that at age? Give me a seven or eight-year-old.

Oh, gosh. At that point, at seven or eight, I am playing sports poorly. I'm out in right field. Balls are landing around me. People including my parents are like, where is he? Where is that boy mentally? And I'm reading a lot. I am drawing cartoons.

I'm making up characters in my head. And I don't know where to put the stuff inside of me yet. A bit of a loner or a bit of a... A little bit. A lot of buddies? A few close ones, you know. And I know I love funny things. I collect Mad Magazine and pour over it and study it.

You know, I tape Saturday Night Live and watch it. At that early age? No, I would not quite seven or eight. Am I doing that yet? At seven or eight, the fly balls are landing. Really catchable ones are landing at my feet. And I'm not, yeah, I don't know quite what to do yet. Here's a good one.

The Marblehead Police Department partnered with some company, and it was during like a kidnapping craze during the 1980s. You know, kidnapping was all their age. And they were like, oh, your kids are going to get kidnapped. So there's a service where we can make a video to show people, you know, a VHS cassette. So I remember my sister and I being marched in to be filmed by this company. I remember the company was called, This Child is Mine. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. And so my sister and I are interviewed. They ask us a couple, couple questions. And they go, Robbie, what do you like to do? And I'm like,

I have to sound like a normal boy. I like to play baseball, I said. And inside I'm like, I don't like to play baseball. And not only that, other people don't like it when I play baseball, but I didn't want to be like, I like to read and imagine I'm in the book. and maybe one day I'll meet a girl, you know. And so we had the, I wish we still had it, but like, it's so funny because you'd watch it now and you'd be like, cut. Now say you like to play baseball, but actually mean it or act like you've ever touched or seen a baseball. And so that would be me at seven or eight. Okay.

Then what are your parents doing at that point? They both, they own an opera. an insurance company. Yeah, a little insurance brokerage. Went to work every day together kind of thing? Very cool. And it's you and your sister. Who's five years younger, yeah.

I have that, but older. She's older. Okay, so now you're into high school. What's going on then? By high school, I know that I want to act at that point. How'd that happen? We did a skit. Remember Marla Thomas is free to be you and me?

Yes. So there was a stage version of that you could do. And in eighth grade, if you're not watching the video portion of this podcast, first of all, I salute you. Why do people watch podcasts? Second of all, I'm six foot four, and I'm a big person. I was also six foot four when I was 14. So we do freedom of you and me, and they're like, well, you can't play a child. You have to play an adult.

And I played a principal. and I remember singing to my friend Jeff about I sang to him, it's all right to cry. And people like clapped a little bit. And then we had a talent show at the school, which I hosted, and I did some little skits in hosting it,

and people laughed and clapped. And I was like, oh, this is what I want to do with the rest of my life until I die in my 90s. And so then I got to join the drama club and do musicals and stuff. from my freshman year in high school. And that was it. I mean, that's what I wanted to do.

And then, you know, later on, I discover I'm happier when I'm doing stuff that I've written myself and writing becomes a bigger part of it. After high school, college. That would be after college when I was like, hey, this is weird. No one's hiring me to do anything ever. So I started to write my own stuff. And I was like, hmm, who should we cast? I know, me.

And then with catastrophe, when I didn't screw that up, People are like, I guess we can put him in our thing. He didn't ruin that one. Yeah. Oh, fantastic. Wow. Do folks alive? My dad died a few years ago.

Right. But he would be 78 now, right? So he died four years ago, and you're 78. And I was thinking about that, that it's really a pleasure to get to know a 78-year-old guy and hang out. And I just have enjoyed getting to know you because I miss my dad a lot and also intergenerational friendships are, I don't think, always given the importance,

not even just importance, but necessity. They're so important. So that's another thing I love about doing the show is getting to hang out with you and Katie all the time. Because, yeah, I'm 49, and it's fun to hang out with other 49-year-olds, but it's even more fun to hang out with people. I'm glad to hear it because from the opposite end,

it's really important and fun for me to be able at 78. Mary and I hang out with our kids' friends through their nobles. You know, we get to hang out with 40-year-olds. And it is so interesting, rejuvenating, energizing, you know, from my advantage of being the older person, looking down. So it's nice to hear that there's something in it for you all as well. Yeah, no, like when I hang out with you, like my pulse slows down. It's just nice. Yeah, I can actually put you to sleep.

And I've only told you about one parent. My mom very much alive and just hung out with her this last weekend. But your dad got to, so your parents, but your dad also got to see Rob Delaney catastrophe. He did. Yeah. Yeah. he got to see you know what's funny is he um uh both my parents because i studied musical theater in college because i thought well i didn't understand all like esoteric acting theory always struck me as like weird and like talking about acting was like gross and so i was like i'll do musical theater because you train your body through dance and your voice and that's what you got and i was like That's as far as I can go in like acting, studying,

is to train the little flesh instrument that we have. Sorry to say flesh instrument. It says, you actually handed me a sheet of things not to say, and flesh instrument is the third one here. I see, I'm sorry about that. But so I studied musical theater, and it's so funny that I can have like a big, successful thing happen now,

and before my dad died, and still my mom now, will be like, well, that's great. I don't, I'm not certain, you didn't sing in it. Did they not want you to, couldn't you have just done like maybe one song at the end? You know? And so I have to do definitely before my, hopefully my mom dies before me in a long time.

You know what I mean? But let's do that in the right order. And before she goes, I need to do, I need to sing just so that she can rest. That's probably what she's waiting for. She's probably, she's probably had enough. But Robbie hasn't sung yet, so I got to stick around. You could put it over the title sequence. just you singing.

You know what? Maybe I should really mess up our work experience by doing a hard campaign to do the theme song for our show. And like a couple people are like, I guess. I mean, whatever. And then a few people like hate it. And then your character could conceivably sing? Yeah.

Oh, I think he should. Plus also Katie in real life is an amazing singer. And I'm at least trained. You know, whether you like it or not, that's up to you. But yeah, I think what would be funny is if Katie is like, okay, let's do our little number, you know, and I'm like, come on, mom. And then, so I, have I, have I pitched that to the writers? Have I pitched that to the writers already, Ted? Yes, I have. We're not giving too much away, but I was, my character in the 70s was on the outskirts of rock,

you know, and was there as a studio musician or something. But so they wanted, one of the opening scenes is me singing at the keyboard and I went, oh, guys, first off, I guess you could fake the keyboard, but oh, Lord, singing just reduces me to a puddle of insecurity, terror, sweat. I must have been like, you know, put to death for singing in a prior life because it just is not going to ever, ever, ever happen. Yeah, so. That's funny. But you could. Maybe. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure. the writers have probably already set up an alert in case you and I do a podcast together and they'll probably be getting a ping shortly and I imagine they'll begin work on it. Yeah, there you go.

Shortly after this. Because they listen to this like avidly. Yeah, you're like, can you stop listening to my podcast? It's embarrassing. We're trying to do a show here. Yeah. Okay, what was I going to ask you? Okay, so was catastrophe the first time you would walk down a street and people recognized

you in mass or more or? less? Yeah, catastrophe. What was that like when all of a sudden your life is, when your peripheral vision starts to go away because everyone's looking at you and... Yeah, that's an interesting one. It's an interesting one. You know what's weird is for years I was like tried to be like Mr. Normal and like not hang out with other people on TV and be like, I'm going to be a regular guy. Like nobody I mean purposefully. Yeah, like nobody learned who I was until I was quite a bit older than maybe your average person who comes into the public eye. I was like, I'm just going to hang out with normal people.

But now I still hang out with normal people, but now I have opened my heart to other people who are on TV, just because you can talk about stuff, like how weird it is to, like, for example, do something shitty, like, you know, yell at your kid. Like, say you're with, I'm with my three kids. One of them does something that he shouldn't to the other one. And I'm like, dude, it's great, you know.

And I don't give the kindest, most gentlest, elegant thing because you know you're a beleaguered tired parent you know so you say something of your kid then you come around a corner one second later and somebody's like you are so amazing in that thing and like all three kids are looking at you going like we know you're a piece of shit you know and i'm looking at them being like i also know i'm a piece of shit and then this person you know who watched you know something on tv is like you know it's so it's so weird you know so um it is it's good i always thought that uh like the tabloids and now the internet or whatever, really good.

They're there purposefully to help you with your mental health, you know, because it challenges you all the time. You would, you know, in the old days you'd be father of the year on People magazine or something. At the same time, your life was totally falling apart. Oh, my goodness.

And it was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, anyway. It's weird because it doesn't, you know, You have to be careful. Do you enjoy it? Sorry. My original.

Enjoy what specifically? Being recognized. I don't. Having people smile at you. It can be okay if I'm by myself. I struggle with it if I'm with my family. Because you just want to be normal for your kids. You know what I mean?

And then also, I don't know if I have this like Irish Catholic Boston thing where like, hey, buddy, who do you think you are? you know, with like, Yeah, where, you know, you think you're friggin' special, you know. Don't poke your head up about the crowd, pal. And so. Which is also very England. Very English.

Yeah, yeah. So, so it's weird is what I'll say. You know, here's the metaphor. Being in the public eye is like driving a big crane truck. Okay. I think it isn't good and it isn't bad. But it's like you do have to know how to drive the big crane truck. You could build a school with it.

You could use. your influence to do something good, or you could run over a family in a station wagon, meaning all the crazy stuff that can happen from celebrity and stuff. So just be careful. Yeah. Think about it consciously, how you're going to do it, you know, and be careful because it is.

It's weird. Acting into TV show is amazing. It's amazing. Being famous is sort of... Double-edged sword. Just be careful. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean, what it does to me is it throws me into my, when somebody says, hey, love your work, love you.

It's wonderful, but it does throw you immediately into your ego, and then they go around the corner, and you have to try to get real again. And if you're with your family, that, you know, that is weird. But I do enjoy it. I have to say, I enjoy being a celebrity. Okay, so we've established, we like fame, but. Yeah, use it wisely. Use it judiciously. Yeah, yeah.

And it's not the most... Here's a big adjustment I've made lately. Is if I'm writing something, and even if I write by myself now, I have another person in the room, just so I can yell what I'm writing at them. And it makes more fun and less lonely. And so...

Bouncing off, literally. Absolutely. All right. And so I remind myself now that when I'm writing something and like trying to crack a storyline or some, you know, add some spice to a scene or whatever, I sit there and I go, this is it. This is why I do this.

You know, the polishing of a joke, the, you know, sanding down of a rough edge in a story. Or when it's like take eight in a scene where, you know, it might be like not the meat of the episode, but it's like a connective tissue scene, but still important. And when you're like on take eight of that, and I'm like, this is it. this is why I do this, take eight, you know? And I remember that's what it is, not being at the premiere, because if that's what it is for you, then that's the trouble. But if you live for take eight, if you live for doing a polish on a script,

and then having a cob salad with the person you're writing with, that's the stuff. That's when I remember to say, take a breath, you're impossibly, immeasurably lucky. that that's the good stuff. Also for me it's like on take 8, it's like, dear God, can I truly be present in this moment as opposed to indicating that I'm, I'm a wonderful actor, watch this,

or I'm going to repeat what I did four takes back because that was cool or something, but really literally being the moment is like a at best, 50-50 thing for me. Yeah. So that's, for me, what still makes it thoroughly enjoyable. So good.

Because I'm not great at it. Yeah. I did an ADR. If you're not TED or I, ADR means additional dialogue recording. And sometimes you need to clean up the audio and a scene you've shot because maybe a plane flew by or whatever. But I just did ADR for this thing I shot last year. And in the studio, the screen was huge. It was like a movie screen.

And my face was on it. And it was the first time that I'd seen my face that large with. some new lines on it. And I saw these lines on my face, and I got so excited. I was like, I'm getting older. Acting's going to be easier because these lines on your face tell a story, you know?

You're so healthy. You are way, way healthier than I am. I think it could possibly be laziness, which, you know, just I was like, look at those lines. That guy has seen a few things, you know? I don't have to turn up the acting dial as hard. the exact opposite.

I see myself now on a big screen, I go, fuck, I really am 78. I've been pretending that I'm 78. No. Man to man, you're beautiful. Your face is beautiful. Okay, mark down what minute that was into our podcast, because it took you a hell of a long time.

Sorry about that. Shit, that's right on the thing, is that don't say flesh instrument and repeatedly compliment Ted on his face. No, but the thing is, is your face, the lines around your eyes. are from smiling. The lines are in your cheeks are because you smile at your beautiful grandchildren, your beautiful wife, you know? Because you're gut, busting a gut laughing at me, you know,

when I'm doing a take eight. And you're just so it's so great. I mean, your face is, you know, appreciably wrinkled since we've known each other. Because you're very funny. Being escorted out of the studio. It is interesting to sit down and talk to you because really, you sit down and you go, hey, how are you? And you hear a little snippet of you when you're sitting around. on a set. You don't get to really do this. I had friends that I've talked to or I'm going, I didn't know that about you. I'm over. I'm loving podcasts. They're great. Okay, back up. When did you get married and it was before London, it was here? Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh, so excited to talk about that because our 20th wedding anniversary is coming up soon. Oh, well done. So 22 years ago, I met my wife, uh, volunteering on Martha's Vineyard, where you spend a lot of time. Yes. We were both, I was 27, she was 24, and we both took summers off and met at a camp, Camp Jabberwocky, which has been there now for 70 years. All right. Know it well.

Know the people. Oh, wonderful. It's a camp for kids and adults with disabilities. And so we were, and you do like a one-on-one ratio. So we each had a camper with cerebral palsy. and, you know, we spend, we do musicals, we did the sound of music, we do parades, we do wind surfing, swimming, all kinds of stuff. And you're not being paid to be their minder. You are now their friend for life, basically. Yeah, so you're volunteering, and they're not paying. So it's so amazing. And so we met, at the time, she was in the process of moving from Mississippi to D.C.

She had just done two years in Teach for America and had gotten a job in D.S. DC had the summer off. I took a leave of absence from one of my terrible boiler room style jobs where, you know, I'm trying to make this career work. And so I go out there and for the summer because I had volunteered, they had a satellite camp in L.A. that I'd really enjoyed working at with a friend. And he said, oh, you got to come to the mothership, Jabber walking. And I was like, all right. And I'm in the middle of this morning, blanking on his name, because he's a friend too. Yeah, Will Halby. Will. Will. And Samantha. No, no. What's his wife? name. Vanessa. Vanessa. Yeah. Yeah. And then Pete Halby and Ila. That's Will's brother and his wife.

Wonderful, wonderful family. And so we're volunteering and I see this really beautiful woman. And in fact, our first kind of thing was a guy with Down syndrome who's in his 30s wanted to go for a swim at the beach. And the rule was you totally do go nuts, but you have to take two people with you because he was a really good swimmer and would go out far. So we both went out with him and we're just kind of the three of us swimming and having a good time. And I'm looking at this beautiful woman and I'm thinking, oh, man, I'm in very serious trouble here. And not that they're, I mean, why not? Fall in love. But she is moving to D.C.

I live in L.A. I don't want to date cross country. That's for psychopaths, you know. But I remember calling my mom and my friend L. and my childhood friend Ellen, I made two calls. I said, I'm falling in love with this girl, and I need you to talk me out of it because we live on opposite coast, and that can't work. And they were like, all right, well, tell me a little about her.

And I did. And they were like, yeah, it sounds like you're fucked, man. You're going to have to date cross-country. And I was like, God damn it. And so we did. We dated cross-country for a year. And it was mutual you knew by that time on the island. Yeah.

You both were falling in love. Yeah. I had never, ever been hit. like a freight train like that ever in my life. And so, yeah, we dated cross-country for a year. And every three weeks, one of us would fly to the other one's city for like a long weekend. How old are you at that point? I'm 27.

She's 24. And a year later, we got engaged. And a year after that, we got married. Wow. And we're still married. And we just spoke right before I walked right in the door here. Because she's now in London. She's in London.

Yeah, because now we live in London. People are always like, so did you went to London, you fell in love with a British woman, you loved it, and you said, like, no, I moved there with a woman from North Carolina. What was that asked like, honey, we're moving to London? Very difficult. Because it wasn't for like a huge film you're going to go make. It was like, I think I want to explore working in London. Basically, so we got picked up for one season, and we got picked up for one season, and my wife is teaching 8,000, 3,000. great English at Culver City Middle School. And like, we get our health insurance through her at that

point, you know? And, like, the show was British. I didn't even qualify for, like, SAG insurance with my first TV show, which is so funny. But she was going to take a leave of absence for six months and then go back. And that's what I thought, too. I was like, obviously they're going to realize their huge mistake. And so we moved to London, and it was super difficult. It was really very difficult because we had a three-year-old and a one-year-old, and she was pregnant with our third son at that point. And so incredibly difficult for my wife. And I also disappeared into work because it was like my first show. And so I was really absent. And I had to really retool how I husbanded after the first two seasons of that show. And I was really retool. And I had to really retool how I husbanded.

after the first two seasons of that show, because I really think I did her a disservice at that time, I thought, like, this is med school, this is the Olympics, this is, I've got to do it, you know? I'm in my mid-30s, and I've got a show. Yeah, that's what you say, right? You say, I'm doing it for us. And what I learned during that time is,

because I thought, oh, well, she's an adult human being. So I can put my marriage on a shelf. I'll still be attentive to the kids occasionally when I'm around. But my relationship with my adult spouse, that can go on a shelf. That'll be fine. It won't rot on the shelf. And I learned that your relationship with your spouse requires as much or more attention than your relationship with your kids.

So it was really instructive for me, painful for her. And I had some real growing up to do with that. So that's the honest answer to that question. I know it's not like show business pizzazz. It's true. I mean, it's so easy for me to become so totally self-absorbed with a smidge of righteousness because that's what this takes kind of thing. But like you heard the enthusiasm, like I was so excited when you asked me about her because

now that we've recovered from that, you know, it's been quite a long time since that, you know, and we're in our third decade together. and I'm like, I would marry her again tomorrow in a nanosecond. And also, I've been away from her now for like three weeks, which is like, and my kids. So, you know, we run a real risk of needing some tissues shortly if I continue to talk about them, which I'm happy to do. But, yeah, I love them and I can't wait to see them. Yeah. It's tough because at a certain point, your kids have their own life. At a certain age, friends are more important than anything.

Yeah. So when you go off to work, they don't get, you can't ask them to come along. I know. Yeah, my youngest I would bring on jobs. That was the best, the couple of jobs that I did, like, longest jobs where I brought my youngest. Did one, did a movie during COVID where I just brought a two-year-old with me. Yeah. And oh my God, that was the greatest.

Yeah. Okay, we don't have to talk. I know you're willing to talk about anything, but sobriety. Yeah. Was that before? you met? It was, yeah. I was two years sober when I met my wife. Probably wouldn't have met her. No, certainly not. Certainly wouldn't have. Yeah, I drank too much, you know, from like age 12 to 25 and didn't really have a honeymoon period. My drinking had like consequences from an early part or an early,

you know, like it was, it was a mess really from the get go. But I was one of those people where once I started, I couldn't stop. And I had other stuff that I cared about and was passionate about in my life, but alcohol really began to crowd those things out. And so now, yeah, it would be 24 years ago. I drove a car into a building in a blackout, and nobody else was involved in that accident, thank God. And then, yeah, the judge was like, you can go back to jail or you can go to rehab.

And I was like, I can go to rehab. Oh my God. Yes, please. It was like he said I could go to Pirates of the Caribbean. And so. Can I have a single room? You know. And yeah, and he was like, no.

And so, but yeah, I went to rehab and it was the greatest. I'd been trying to quit for years before that. But once it was illustrated for me that my drinking could very easily kill other people. I mean, driving in a blackout. That's, you know, horrific. I was like, all right, I was at the point with my drinking where I was like, sure, I might die. You know, hey, cost of doing business. But I don't want to kill people, you know.

So that helped me sort of get over the hump of realizing I have a very serious problem. It's not a terribly interesting problem. It's garden variety alcoholism. And then, yeah, of course, with help from wonderful people, I was able to, yeah, turn. the page and and and and my life has been you know just unrecognizable yeah with sobriety you do the world is your oyster oh where it wasn't before oh yeah i mean in my yeah i heard people say this before but you know my highest highs and my lowest lows have been since i got sober because you're not covering it up you know you feel everything yeah being human whoof yeah yeah yeah

No joke. I know you've suffered loss and sobriety and your family is huge. Part of your life, huge is your life. And your work is that. Putting those, you have all of that. That is who you really are. What do you think there's a focus to everything that you went through, have, you know, the blessings. the sadness, all of that, is there a purpose to your, do you see a purpose to your life,

kind of? I'm just saying at the end of my end, but this stage, quickly, in case people are taking notes. Several more episodes. I'm beginning to say, oh, actually, this is either what I do well or this is what I have to contribute or this is what makes me feel good in a bigger sense than career. anyway. Do you have a sense of the purpose to your life? Sorry. Does that make any sense at all? No, no. That's a fine question to ask and I'll try to figure out my answer out loud, which is, yeah, family. Family is, of course, most important. You know, if you live on Earth in 2026, you have to have a career so that you can feed and house your family and all that.

So I like for those things to be as integrated as possible. I guess, you know, I start with, you know, sobriety, mental, emotional, spiritual fitness, then focus on the family when I can bring my best self to them. Then be grateful that I have a career that I care about and mean something to me. and then I suppose, yeah, be the best dad and husband that I can be. And it's like hard to say this, but also be just the best self that you can be. Like, don't cut yourself out of the equation. Like, be good and kind because it feels good to me, you know? Yeah.

And then from there, select projects that or create projects that sort of reflect. reflect what it is that I want to do, what I like the most. You know, like I've done, at this point, I've made two things that people really noticed. One was the show Catastrophe. The second was the book that I wrote about our son Henry, who died of brain cancer in 2018. And those are the two things that people seem to most associate me with. And what's in those things, that maybe people have responded to is I've tried to sort of, I don't know, like transmute what this life feels like and what it is that we need to do to survive it.

Do transmute a different way. I don't know, metabolize, weave in. So I try to weave comedy and acute pain into the things that I make because that's what life is made. out of. Like, life is a slaughterhouse, right? I mean, this world is a slaughterhouse. That we, and so we have to acknowledge that, and then we have to get ourselves right so that we can be of use to others. And so the stuff that I try and make, like Joan Didion, I really love, right? But I read something where she was like, it's just my job to show you what I saw and you make your conclusions. And I would do like Joan Didion asterisk, which is like totally show people how it is and leave the place a little better than you found it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So I'm not purely interested in holding up a mirror. I want to hold up a mirror and then be like, oh, look at, we see these things that we could adjust or fix to just leave a little something better for our kids, for our names. for our neighbors and stuff like that. Like anything that I make, my sincere hope is that once someone has absorbed it, consumed it, read it, snorted it up, whatever they do, that they go be a little kinder because the world is a slaughterhouse. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So. That's what I meant about bigger. I would say the world a little bit kinder place. And then I'd say, you know, having had one of my children die, and I never say pass away or lose, I say die. Because I like people to hear that. I had a son, his name was Henry, and he died, and he's dead, you know. Does he live on inside of me and in the smile of my wife and in the gaze of my other boys who are alive and vibrant?

Yes, he does. but he died and I don't like to sugarcoat that you know and that affected how I work now you know like a lot of my peers for example will have like production companies and they'll have the thing that they're doing or the two things and then they've got their fingers and other pies I don't do that I just do one maybe two things at a time to the best of my abilities and then I just spend the rest the time at home, you know, smelling my kids and having as many of them sit on me at one time as possible, you know? And so that's a big part of me is metabolizing that the pain of the loss of Henry and then trying to be smart enough to let that inform how I do my career. Because I think it would be a real

shame if that happened and I didn't change how I work, you know? Yeah. That would be, that would be folly. That's what I think also makes me enjoy watching you and being around you is that you carry both those things simultaneously, whether or not you're talking about them. But it is painful. Yeah. And you can laugh at the human condition.

Yeah. But you have to be real about the human condition. Yeah. And it's also my favorite kind of comedy that comes out of sadness. Oh, my God. Yeah. Because they're so close to each other. Some of my favorite writers, comedy writers, have such a big hold in their hearts from something, some sadness.

And it just, it makes the laughter more real. It's not a joke. It's, you know, it's so painful, let's laugh. Yeah. Yeah. The funniest book I've ever read, and it's so hard to write a funny book. I think it's way easier to write a funny TV show. A lot of people will be like, that book's funny, and then I'll read it.

I'm like, no, it's not. Or like, comedians will write a book, and I'll be like, hmm. But there's this guy named Adam Resnick, who wrote for, Letterman and John Stewart and a bunch of others. And he has a book called Will Not Attend. It is so funny. Like, it is, we pass it around in my family and read it aloud to each other. Will not attend.

And there's incredible darkness in this guy. But, I mean, to give you an idea, I'm going to try to tell one of the stories real quickly. They're all true from his life. One of them is he and his brother who fight all the time and their dad slaps him around. It's 1970s in New Jersey, and they're driving along the turnpike, and they see the janitor from their high school walking along the side of the road. And they go, Dad, Dad, you know, pick up Mr. Toops. And he's like, oh, okay, pulls over. The guy gets in.

And he turns to their dad in the front seat, and they realize it's not Mr. Toops. They've just told their dad, who they've established in many other stories in the book, beats the shit out of him, you know, when he feels like it. and they've just made him pick up a stranger. And so the book, he just distills the feeling of their terror being like, please Christ, let this guy say that he's just not say, I'm not Mr. Toops or anything. And so the dad is grilling Mr. Toops and asking questions. And the guy's like, who is this crazy guy asking me these questions?

So the hitchhiker, I'm sorry, not even hitchhiker. He didn't ask to be picked up. The kids were like, pick up that guy. and the terror knowing they're going to be savagely beaten by their father if this guy doesn't give up the ghost. It is unbelievably funny. And anyway, that... Ruin this story by saying, did he pull it off?

The stranger pull it off. He doesn't. Yeah, yeah. Finally, they let him go. And he drops them off. The guy asks to be taken to a hospital to visit his sister. So he's like a very sweet guy. So there's like love and kindness and a wonderful act, this guy trying to do this.

These kids, hey, why not pick up a janitor? And then the scary dad, and the way he juggles all this, it's just whenever somebody is like, I think I'm going to write a funny book, I'm like, well, maybe read this and then see if you want to do it. I don't know. I don't know why that came into my mind, but you were just talking about the blending of, you know, sadness and happiness and fear and laughter. And that's an excellent example. Hey, do me a favor. Can we get together again when this comes out?

Absolutely. At your pleasure and whatever. So we can also talk about the show. because I am so jazz to be part of this. I really am. It's a bunch of wonderful actors who are all grown-ups. Yeah. And wonderful kids who seem to be young grown-ups.

And I'm very happy to be doing it. And thank you so much. I know you worked until 11, and now you're going to run and go work again. A real pleasure. And I'm enjoying very much getting to know you. So thanks for having me. Yeah.

Thanks, Rob. Take care. Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Delaney, please pick up a copy of his memoir, A Heart That Works at a bookstore near you. That's it for this week. Special thanks to Team Coco. If you've enjoyed this episode,

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See you next time, where everybody knows your name. You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Dancing and Woody Harrelson sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow, our executive producers are Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer, Engineering and Mixing by Joey. Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Graal. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Battista. Our theme music is by Moody Harrelson,

Anthony Yen, Mary Steenbergin, and John Osborne.