Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes) - Tig Notaro

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

As a cancer survivor, comedian Tig Notaro has explored her own mortality in acclaimed releases such as “Live” and “Boyish Girl Interrupted.” Now she’s a producer of an Apple TV documentary called “Come See me in The Good Light” that examines the final days of a close friend, the poet Andrea Gibson. Tig talks to Ted Danson about how this unique project came about, the changes it’s inspired in her own life, and much more.  Like watching your podcasts?  Visit http://youtube.com/teamcoco to see full episodes.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's so many different important messages. I mean, as Andrea has said of like not waiting for that terrible diagnosis to start living your life and to start appreciating every single moment that you have. Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. I've been really looking forward to talking to Tig Nataro. She's our guest today. She's a comedian, actor, writer, and podcaster. She's also a cancer survivor.

I highly recommend her deeply personal comedy album, Live About That Experience. She also recently produced a documentary that looks at how we should live in the light of our mortality. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's on Apple TV. It follows the poet and activist, Andrea Gibson,

in the final days of their battle with Oversely. Barian cancer. Here she is. Tignitar. I'm stalling just for a second, and we will definitely cut this part out, or not, but I take this shot of stuff. I have an immune thing, autoimmune thing. And so when I take it, it's new. It gives me hiatal hernia for a little while, which makes you shorter breath and you think you're dying. So I'm in that, think I'm dying, panicky. At the same time, I'm so excited to see you, So now I'm going, and that's all. Oh, we're all dying.

So. Yeah, okay. That's a good lead. The body starts to die at 25. Yeah. It starts to. Cellularly. It does, literally.

Yeah. Yeah. You can lie about it for another 30 years. Right. But then it starts to. It starts to catch up and the wheels start coming off. Or we'd still be like, we'd never be spiritual. We'd be party on.

Yes. Let me know when you're ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I have no, we're going to see Wicked at 1.30, so I have... I just need three hours of your time. That's completely, that's totally fun. I have no questions.

Just start talking, please, for three hours. Just belly button line up. Okay, so here's what I'm full of. First off, I've been, you know, tigging for the last 48 hours, just nonstop. And I am in awe of you, truly. your talent is amazing, your stand-up's amazing. I haven't seen all of your acting, but you're acting your little rear end off.

You're about to become the bad guy, I assume, on the morning show. It's already aired, and I'm already getting dirty looks from strangers. Really? Yes, yeah. It's really been interesting. Not just strangers. People I know, like I got, I've gotten some angry texts and emails. It's crazy how make-believe and pretend on your,

TV. Sometimes people don't get it. No. No. Yeah. And sometimes in your stand-up, people don't get it. In your stand-up is astounding. Oh, you are a kind, sir. Truly. I have one regret that I just saw that you, your handsome podcast, that I actually had a question on it. And you won't remember it because it was so bad. I wasn't on it. I should have zoomed, but I must have, it must have been, yeah, I recorded a question, which was so like all recording when you're not facing somebody. It was so impersonal. And I think all of you kind of were like, this is weird. Wait, we aired it already? Yes. Oh. Yeah. It was a, I'm a new podcaster. Do you have any advice for me? Oh, I remember that. But it was so impersonal. It was like, no, no, no. We don't need personal questions. We're just, it's that thing of like we've, we've had

10 billion questions. I can't remember everybody's question. But yes, I remember. I remember. remember that. But that's a good question. I thought that was great. Yeah, but it was so here. Anyway. I have a terrible memory. So. Me too. Yeah. But here's what I really just can't wait to talk to you about. Okay. Part, not partly, but coincidentally, a week or two ago, we talked to James von Prague. I did. Do you know who James von Prague is? No. He's a medium who talks to people from the other side. Yes. And we had this great conversation. with change von prague about that you know about the soul about the journey about the all of that and i don't want to get into it because it's really what you've been talking about

with anderson cooper on his podcast and that whole experience of come see me in the good light mary and i watched it who sends her love and respect um we watched it over two nights and the first night I went to bed and it was very hard to go to sleep I was angry because Andrea's poetry about this moment and this time

and this song afterwards everything was so beautiful that it inspired me to have these glowing positive, exciting thoughts about passage But the visual of spending time were so intensely real because death is, dying is intensely real that I had to go, you know, past the poeticness

and into, fuck, it's so intensely real at age 78 almost. So I sat there in that kind of fighting. You're almost 78? Yeah. Sir, have you told your face that? God bless you. Let's just, let's just talk about that for a while first. Speaking of face, you've got good face.

Well, you've got good. I mean, let's please stop deflecting. I mean, seriously. Can we zoom in on this mug here? Yeah, they do all the time. Wow. Yes. So anyway, that was, then the next day I completed it and I had the full amazing impact of that. let me start with how did you get involved how did that you it was your idea no it was um my friend step willan who is and in the very beginning she's also a producer on the documentary she is the person who comes over for the dinner party in the very early scene the very funny moment if you recall of do me do me i did watch the whole thing i promised you, but do you remember, does thumbing ring a bell? Okay. Steph is, is that person. Yes. Yes. It's such an incredible moment. Yeah. So deeply funny, but it also turns very devastating, like with the

aging app moment that comes in where Meg and Andrea can see themselves. in a way that they won't be able to see each other. And anyway, when Andrea was going through all of the, you know, so much, Andrea has an incredible group of friends in Colorado, Andrea and Meg that have helped carry them, helped do so many different, yeah, just so many. different things to help them through, whether it's doctor's appointments, living with them to help with medical stuff and rides and dealing with attorneys and just everything, wills, all of that. And one of the things, a pretty light lift that that Steph and I were doing was

trying to figure out what to do with Andrea's podcast. Like, how do we edit this? What's the theme? what's the, what is this podcast? And in one of our meetings about it, Steph just casually said, you know, I feel like Andrea's life would make a really great documentary right now. And I was like, oh, like it struck me so big time that I couldn't even believe I didn't see that. And I am, somebody that acts very quickly. My wife jokingly calls it, quote unquote, yeah, this can wait. Because as soon as I have an idea or there's something that I'm inspired by,

I'm like immediately on it. And she'll be like, yeah, this can wait. Whatever she had been saying or talking about you mean? No, just like if I tell her, if I'm like, oh my gosh, Steph said, you know, Andrea's life would make a really great document. I'm going to call every documentarian I know like within minutes of hanging up with stuff. I was calling financiers, producers, directors. And Stephanie goes, yeah, this can wait. Because I act so quickly if I'm driven by something. And so it was one of my, yeah, this can wait moments, which is a sarcastic statement. And so I reached out to five different people, again, different. different directors, producers, people with, you know, fat cash. And I was like, hey, this friend of mine of nearly 25 years is a non-binary poet with stage

four cancer. Eh? Like anyone interested in? And it was kind of, the response was open and receptive from everyone. definitely like, hmm, let me think about it or, oh, a poet, interesting. And I just was like... Poet laureate, right? Also, yeah, the Colorado Poet Laureate.

Oh, and in the world of poetry, Andrea was the rock star of poetry. And selling out, whether it was rock clubs or theaters, worldwide, published seven or eight books independently. still now, especially now, with all this attention on Andrea, I mean, Meg, Andrea's wife and that group of friends in Boulder are... Managing. They are packing those books themselves and shipping them out. So everyone, please be patient because it's like it's a massive undertaking and it's also an undertaking.

These people are grieving deeply and also trying to... package and ship these books and everything. But anyway. Wait, let's use this moment to back up just a smidge. How did you meet Andrea? I met Andrea. I used to live in Colorado. I've lived there a few times in life. And I had gone backstage at a Vox Feminista show, which was a political and social activist group in Boulder. And absolutely, they were preaching to the choir. but it was just, it was such a great live performance. I mean, comedians, there was a poet, you know, all sorts of musicians.

And you were performing too? I wasn't performing, but our mutual friend introduced us backstage because I was there to see my friend who was performing in Vox Feminista. And my friend was like, oh, this is Andrea Gibson. Andrea is a poet. And I was looking at Andrea thinking a poet, you know, like I, it, Andrea looked familiar and felt familiar to me from the gay scene or comedy or rock clubs or I just. She's very rock and roll, visually, very rock.

Yes, because I was like, this is a rock star. This isn't a poet. And then Andrea goes on stage and just annihilates the room where you're just sobbing deeply or, laughing deeply and and and but it was a confirmation that this is a rock star this is truly a rock star and um but yeah when when step um mentioned that and i reached out um three days later um ryan white and jessica hargrave the filmmakers said hey we uh we looked into andrea and we're buying plane tickets and we're heading out to Colorado.

They were just like, we're on board. And Andrea, what was their response? Andrea and Meg were completely open and interested. They were like, yeah, we're game. And Ryan and Jess said that they never had a call or at Zoom or anything. They just showed up with a very tiny film crew. And Meg walked out and hugged them very warmly. and they said Andrea walked out and said hi I'm Andrea I guess I'll be with you when I die

welcome to my home and that was kind of what we thought was going to happen because when the film started um Andrea was hitting that two year life expectancy um had kind of hit that point and so the film crew, they were like, we got to get out there right away. And we ended up able to film for a year. So Andrea, yeah, I realize now actually, after doing a lot of press and losing Andrea this past July, that I was in denial and I didn't realize it. Because I'd heard stories of people living 10 to 15 years maintaining their health and life longer than their prognosis. And I remember, because Andrea was such a life force and just seemed unstoppable. And it didn't, that's embarrassing to say it, but it didn't make sense to me that that person

would die anytime soon. And, yeah, I just, I thought. How, so did you stop your life? basically your other life and hang out there? Were you there a lot? Did you come and go? Did they, the crew, come and go? Yeah, the crew came and went in three week, roughly, every three weeks, they went out there.

But no, I... Timing with, sorry, the three-week testing that... Yeah, usually around them. And then sticking around getting different, you know, good and bad news. And, but I, I film a show in Toronto, and then my family's out here in Los Angeles. And so, no, I was in and out and here and there, but the crew, the camera, DP, sound director, everybody was, when I say everybody, it was a really small, small crew. really small and

Ryan the director said he's never had subject he and Jessica his producing partner are best friends since childhood in Georgia and they've made

like 20 documentaries they made the Pamela Anderson documentary I haven't seen that but everyone in the world yeah yeah it's so good and

they said they've never had a subject or subject in their 20 years or 20 films that they've made. They've never had subjects that haven't asked a single question about what are you filming? What is the story we're telling? And can I see how you've framed me? And it was that trust that these two,

I mean, Andrea's a poet, Meg's a poet, true artists, these two people, true artists, and really trusting the filmmakers who are true artists themselves. That's what makes it so powerful. I mean, one of the reasons, but you're dealing with such intense reel. It's not maybe, but most likely soon somebody will die. And you're getting to talk about it from a point of view of a poet and somebody who's just sad.

It's not like Andrea was just okay with dying. You know, Andrea wanted to desperately wanted to live. And it is really, I mean, it's, I haven't had many moments in life where I really used the word brave in a real way. Yeah. And seeing somebody especially at 49, 48, 47, heading towards their early death, the way Andrea did, it was astounding. And I had the absolute honor of being in their home.

during Andrea's final days and that I tell everybody like I felt like I was on mushrooms for months after because I it was I've been at four end of life bedside so this is a completely different experience than I've ever ever had in my life. I'm sorry, I'm full of what I just saw the last two, three days. So let me keep rambling for one second. And that was my anger. You know, it's like the poetry was uplifting. Poetry is so beautiful.

And the song over the credits was gorgeous. And that was Andrea's poem that Brandy and Sarah Borellas. Couldn't ask for two more astounding artist poets to be part of that. but it's it is it is it's a little bit like angelic pick your whatever church or something you know it's something glorious and then there's death which is fucking intensely real and not necessarily always glorious no and i think that was my anger after the half watching the half part that i got stuck in the not glorious part, you know, that the poetry allowed. Does that make any sense? Yeah, yeah, for sure. There's so many emotions that come with all of this. And it's, I have to say it,

Andrea also died at home. And it made me realize, like, I hadn't really come up with a plan. for myself and all of these conversations that were happening and the openness and the reality of it and the so many different emotions that went on. I think that it's a very complicated experience. How are you doing? I mean, you went from experiencing it to also wanting the movie to be seen because it should be seen. So in a way, you're having to go sell the film and it's still fresh in your body. I must be hard at times. Yeah, grief is so bizarre because, I mean, right after I left Andrea and Meg's house,

I called my wife Stephanie and I was like, I can't even explain what I've experienced. I, you know, I don't even know how I'm going to go. go exit the 101 freeway back onto Melrose and head back into my life. Like, I don't even, it makes no sense to me after what I just experienced. And I had an odd amount of energy, and I wanted to walk back to Andrea and Meg's house. And Stephanie was like, what do you mean? You're going to walk, because we were still in Colorado, we were up in the mountains. And I was like, well, I looked at my GPS.

and it'll take me four days to walk back to their house. And she was like, okay, where are you going to sleep and what are you going to eat? And I was like, I don't, I think, I could sleep by the river. I said, I felt invincible with the energy and from the experience that I had just had. And after that, I would say, and certainly there was like sadness in there, but I had this odd. I don't, I'm going to talk in a way. way that I don't even normally talk, but I felt, I don't, I'm not a religious or spiritual or any of that kind of person, I thought. Stephanie rolls her eyes at me because she's like, you're more than

most people, but I felt like there was some sort of energy and power, again, this is not my typical way of talking. But something in that experience that transferred into me and that I've carried with me. And I know that Andrea obviously left a lot of art behind that we can rely on that keeps Andrea alive in ways. But yeah, I've had my fair share of breakdowns over it, Even doing Stephen Colbert's show, the pre-interview with the producer, a week before they said... A week before what? Before taping Stephen's show. Oh, right.

When we went over the topics we were going to discuss. She said, and would you want to read one of Andrea's poems? I burst into tears in the pre-interview. And I was like, and I'm on the Zoom. I was like, I'm so, I was like, I'm so sorry. I was not expecting that question. I wasn't expecting these emotions and I, it was, it was something that, and it's happened many times on this press tour, which, hold on it, sorry, typically when I'm doing a press

tour, it is all nonsense and fun and bits and, you know, When I'd go on Conan or I'd go on Colbert, and I just, I love having a silly time. And with this, it was such a different press tour. It was so different because people in the audience would cry or, you know, it's like Katie Couric interviewed me the other day. She burst into tears and had to have her producer come on to finish reading Andrea's words. And it's just, it's such a, but I'm so thankful. That's the other thing is, yeah, I will go anywhere, any time to talk about this movie and to talk about my friends.

I'm so deeply proud. If this were me at the head of the film, if this was about me or my project where I'm the star, I'm not going to go tell people to watch that, you know? It's like, yeah, stumble upon it and I hope you like it. But with this, sir, I will truly do anything to get the word out. I am so proud. It's so clear from everything you've been saying. And it's so exciting to have this underdog project be discussed on mainstream, like Drew Barrymore and Stephen Colbert and Katie Couric and your podcast and just, I can't even believe. Like when I think back to, this is Andrea Gibson, Andrea is a poet, nearly 25 years ago, that I would be producing a documentary that people are like, oh yeah, Oprah posted about this.

I'm like, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable to me. It is a sub-forgetting about the personal nature of it, you can't forget about it, but a, Obviously, there's the beauty of those two people, Meg and Andrea, and the poetry and the filming of it and you and all of that stuff. Putting that aside, why, I also think it's, I won't ask you, I'll just say what I think it is. I think it's a message, a, you know, looking at something that's so important to look at. And I think our society especially doesn't do well looking at death and loss. And no, no, it's catching.

Keep that over there. I find myself going, so-and-so died? How? Oh, got it. That's the mistake they made. So I can avoid that. It's very hard to let it in. And you just can't help but let it in.

because it's not just the visual and story because there's poetry, which is like music, it hits you someplace. You can't quite intellectualize. It's so powerful. Yeah, and it's also... And don't you think good? I mean, you're doing it not just for your... It feels like you're doing it not just for your friend's memory.

You're doing it because we need to see this. It's such a bigger message, and it's so important. I mean... What? Tell me. verbalize that. I mean, there's so many different important messages. I mean, as Andrea has said of not waiting for that terrible diagnosis to start living your life and to start appreciating every single moment that you have.

And it is unfortunate that it usually does take people. You're on cruise control in so many... in so many ways. And, you know, I had my own cancer diagnosis in 2012, and it cracked me open in a whole, I don't know myself at all before 2012. I'm like, that's hilarious who that person was. And my apologies to everyone who came across me then. But how old were you? I was 40, 41, something like that. And, but doing this documentary and being, one step removed. I'm not the subject here. It really cracked me up, open in a whole different way as well with the, mainly in interviews, I would talk to people about work. I wouldn't, but I'd be

asked about work-life balance. I mean, oh, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm on top of that and I'm, I'm, and then in this process of making the film, I was like, I don't have work-life balance. I'm just, just lying. I'm lying to myself. I'm lying to everyone that's asking me this question. And I made real clear changes in my life. I asked the show that I'm on to downgrade me to a recurring guest star. I told my booking agent, I only want to tour a weekend a month. I want to be home. I want to be part of my life. I don't want to be out in the world just working for the sake of working to send money home so my family can, you know, have a great life without me, I want to be part of it, you know, and I was part of it, but I want to be in it. I don't want to be a, it's a cliche,

but it's true. It's like at the end of life, you're like, I wish I hadn't worked so much. I wish I had, I wish I had spent more time with friends and family. I wish I, all of that, I want to do it now. It was similar to, I used to smoke for years. years until I was 25. And I thought, I don't want to be 50 saying, I wish I'd quit when I was 25. I'm going to quit while I'm 25. And so it's, it has that power, that film, come see me in the good light, of getting that wake up call that, I mean, when you see this movie in theaters, people walk out thanking us for making the film. And they also have this sense of urgency.

Like, they got to, they got to make some changes in their life. All ages, not just those older folks. Oh, my gosh, everybody is just like, there's an urgency when they leave that theater. And I think also another message is, like you're saying, it's around death of, yeah, it's the fourth end of life bedside. And this is the most I've seen and heard people. openly talking, and I really want to make that a part of my life, my kids' lives. I don't want it to be this fearful thing because it is coming for all of us. And the beauty of Andrea's death was the acknowledgement of the reality.

It wasn't losing hope, you know. One of my favorite things in the film was that Andrea got up and worked out every day. God, I know. And I mean, worked out. Yeah. And that's somebody that has hope. Yeah. And that struck me every time Andrea gets up and lifts weights, plays basketball, goes on a hike around the lake.

Can I jump in? Hope also sometimes sounds like there's a not real part. It's like, gee, I hope. That it's unattainable. Yeah, it feels like, if you're hoping. Yeah, yeah. Watching them in front of the camera, going through the process of finding out that something is worse,

not better, and having to digest that and the fear of that. And then the realization that once Andrea was with it enough to go, okay, this is my new normal, this is real, the relaxation, and I don't know, I'm putting words that I don't deserve to put on it, but comfort or something. And knowing the truth. Yeah, the truth was like not hope, it was, okay, but I'm still alive and I can glory. Andrea did a lot of glorying in the moment. Well, Meg and Andrea both very much.

felt like there could be a cure that comes tomorrow. And so we're living. Which is not ridiculous. No, absolutely. And that's what they were, that was their North Star. They were like, we're moving forward and we're going to live our lives in the most fulfilled, joyful way as possible. And we are going to keep our fingers crossed for a cure to come tomorrow.

And then, yeah, you watch Andrea get up and work out every day. And it's like, man, to go back to the word bravery, I don't even know people, when I had cancer, people were like, God, you're so brave. And I was like, brave. I was like, I'm lying on my couch crying. I was like, you know. But I get how that's also brave and, you know, facing reality. It's brave. It's so brave.

Like I just couldn't quite, I just feel so tremendously thankful and lucky that I knew, Andrea, that I was any part of this filmmaking and that I could experience some of those final days and moments because it shifted where I'm like, okay, yeah, I want to live. this life fully, and I also want to prepare for a beautiful ending as much as I can, if that's possible, you know? I always think I'm full of shit because I am. You know, it's like this whole conversation, I'm having this conversation in my, probably because of my age or whatever, and and I like the conversation. It feels, I feel comforted by being, trying to be real. Yeah. You know, and, but I can also imagine me going, I, what?

You know, panicking and wanting to run and then, you know, all that's what Andrea did in the movie. It was just like so deeply upset and angry and like, and then it took a beat to settle into reality and truth. And then you get back to life and, I don't know. A couple more things. Anderson Cooper, the two of you talking, was so beautiful. It was astounding. And I think everyone should tune into his podcast. He's so great.

What is the name of it? All There Is. All There Is. His podcast is called All There Is. All There Is. I remember now it's All There Is. I found it before you did if we cut it right. Anderson Cooper, All There Is is the name of it.

Well, it was brilliant. Thanks. And what's brilliant about it is he's gone through so many things in his life. And you can see it when he's in the middle of a war zone that when he's asking how somebody is and being empathetic, he is not demonstration, demonstrating empathy. He is so genuinely present. And he was so perfect person for you to talk to,

as you are a perfect person to be taking this film around and making sure people see it. Thank you. Now let's talk about you for a second. Why? When we have Andrea Gibson and Meg Fowley. Talk about your guts. Tell me the process of, sorry, you had a double mastectomy.

I did. You don't have to tell me about that process, but you had a double mastectomy. Chose not to have reconstruction surgery. And then sometime after that, you're on stage. Yeah. And you take your shirt off. Yes. Which had to be a gasp.

Mm-hmm. Because I don't think the audience had any heads up about this. No. No. No. And I barely had a heads up. Really? So take me through this.

Well, um... Because it's brilliant that by the end of it. Thank you. People who are howling with laughter and, uh, almost oblivious. I can't speak for them, oblivious the fact that your shirt was off. Well, when I came home from the hospital, I, I was really... Page what? How? 40, you said?

40, 41, somewhere in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I was 41. And I was really struggling with my body and what it was going to look like. And I, you know, I think that was actually one of my bravest moments in life was being wheeled into surgery and not wanting my body to change. Like I didn't, I hadn't really thought about my body as much. as I was thinking about it now because I was in all these different meetings with doctors and surgeons and, you know, they're like, we can take fat from here, we can move it there, we can

shove it in that and sew that up, and then you get a, and I was like, whoa, I barely had boobs to begin with. Why would I rearrange this whole situation to recreate nothing? And so, yeah, I was just, I was really struggling with this surgery. and what I googled images of double mastectomy scars, and I was just like, oh, my gosh. And then when I came home from the hospital, my brain just kept saying, like, oh, my gosh, you have to do a set without a shirt on.

And then I was like, oh, my, what am I? You know, like crazy, crazy voice in my head. go away. I'm not going to do it. Yeah, I'm not going to take my shirt off. And I couldn't stop that thought. It was an intrusive thought that kind of made me laugh maniacally. And I think it was part of the healing of accepting my body as it was. And I remember telling, you know, Lake Bell, the actress, a friend of mine, she had, she was. I can't remember, but she was over at my house and I ran it by her. I was like, oh, my gosh, I keep having this thought and feeling that I want to take my shirt off.

And she was like, oh, Tiggie, you got to do it. And I was like, yeah, but I think when I heal and I actually am back out in the world, it's going to be like six months from now and the story is going to be so old. But then, sure enough, six months pass or whatever, and I'm starting to do stand-up again. And while I'm performing, that voice is like, Like, you got to take your shirt off. You got to take your shirt off. This is in mid?

Yeah, well, I'm doing stand-up. And so I tried it out, you know, I recorded it on my HBO special, but I did a practice run because I didn't know how I would feel to actually take my shirt off because I'm just not that kind of person. And it was a little awkward when I did it. But big audience? Yeah, it was a, you know, yeah, it was a decent amount of people and a few hundred people. But the buildup, did you enter?

No, no, no. I took it off. With what kind of prep rate? I wanted to do it when I was talking about, I wasn't sure. I was like, do I talk about having cancer and then take it off? And then I was like, no, because if I do this, I still want to be a comedian. to be funny about it. And this will, being topless will speak for itself and my message and whatever. So I need to stick with being funny. And so I thought, you know, in comedy and stand-up,

what is considered so hacky is airline material, like being on planes and airplane food and anything around an airplane, comedians think that's the hackiest, dumbest material. So, So I was like, oh, I'm going to do airplane humor while I'm doing this. And that'll be my kind of nod to other comedians. And then the audience will probably just think it's funny material. And I just love doing airplane material while I was revealing my mastectomy scars. So I made some comment about like, Oh, I can't even remember what I did, but I kind of hinted at it.

And then somebody was like, woo! And I was like, oh, I'll do that. And then I just took my shirt off. And then I remember I had told my agent who I love, and I understood, I understand his concerns, but I remember him saying, I don't know if you should do that because it'll seem like a stunt. And I said, oh, it is. it's a full-on stunt. I was like,

but I also think it's really funny. Yeah. And so. And beneficial. Yeah. And what was wild was the audience told me, I mean, I'd run into people that had been at shows mine,

or that show, and they were like, I was so shocked. And then seconds later, I didn't even notice, because I did the whole half-last part of my comedy show on HBO with no shirt on. Doing the rest of the routine without acknowledging. And I just, and I owned the stage.

I felt comfortable. But I was glad I did that run through first because I wanted to see how I really responded to having my shirt off. I didn't want to like take my shirt off and seem shy. And I could tell I was a little shy. And then I was like, when I taped. my special, I need to remember that I felt a little shy and I need to go for it. And so, and I did. And people were like, oh, my, I didn't even remember that your shirt was off.

It looked natural and I was lost in what you were saying. And I never acknowledged that my shirt was off. Right. That's so great. And when I did my... Wait, how'd you walk off stage? Did you pick up your shirt? No, I hung it on the mic stand. Oh, good, okay. Yeah, yeah. When I took it off, I hung it on the mic stand, and I did the show with my shirt on the mic stand. But I will say that when I did my run through,

the comedian Bo Burnham was on the lineup of my show. And he, when I got off stage, he was like, oh, my gosh. He was like, this is so great. He said, this is not like a women's issue. is not even he said sure cancer and women and body issues but this is like just humans yeah he he was like even as a man he was like just to be comfortable in your body and and i i so appreciated that because of course i was coming from an angle of like yeah i this is my body and i because when i thought about having scars on my chest and feeling bummed about that even though i preferred that

over reconstructive surgery, one day it hit me that, so what, I have scars on my chest, you know, somebody could have a scar on their face and I think they look cool, you know? A warrior. Yeah, I'm like, why, it just means my body healed. That's all a scar is. And so why would I be ashamed of this or insecure? And now I just, I'm very proud. But it took a while to get there.

It's not a bad message to your cellular structure of your body to say, hey, way to go, bad. I do think self-body shaming is hard on your body. Oh, absolutely. Any message you're sending yourself that's not great is hard on your body. I love that. Yeah. Go back to your, I don't know, seven, eight-year-old. when did you when can you look back and go oh i see i see tig there's tig the tig that would take

you know their blouse off and yeah i i mean that tig i was always kind of up to something as a kid and i was encouraged by your mom my mother was a prankster and she was very wild including hosing you guys off in your high chair as if he's easier way to clean you up. She fed us all three meals at once and then hosed us down and let us run around to dry off and she's outside of our house as her canvas. She was a painter and she was just very free thinking and she loved to prank people and she, you know, when we would have friends come over for dinner,

a classic thing my mother would do is dye food, colors. And I remember she'd be like, TIG, I'm going to die. I'm going to die the mashed potatoes blue tonight. Don't say anything. Don't act like it's weird. And then, you know, my friend comes over from school and it's like, yeah, just I'm terrified to like take bye to the blue mashed potatoes. So I think that, you know, I took a lot of risks as a kid in not great ways. And I I was always kind of getting into things and finding my way as a comedian helped me really. How old were you when you first went? I'm going to go stand up here and make someone laugh.

Oh, God, I wanted to do it forever. Really? Oh, yes. Because you saw who do it? Oh, my gosh. Richard Pryor, Paula Poundstone, Joan Rivers, Stephen Wright, Steve Martin. I mean, you know, so many. Rosie O'Donnell, when she hosted, what was it?

God, I can't even remember what the show. It was on VH1 Stand Up Spotlight. Yeah. I was like, God, what a great gig to host that and introduce all the new unknown comedians. And, yeah, so I got started when I was in my mid-20s, maybe 26, 27, something like that. Do you remember where?

Yeah, I know exactly where. There was a, I mean, I guess if a coffee shop can be a lesbian coffee shop, there was. By the way, I love your film idea of all lesbian, hot, of hot lesbian action. Yes, and it's actually an action film. Yeah. Of all lesbians. Yeah.

Sorry, back to your lesbian at a coffee shop. Yeah, it was called Little Fritas, and it was in West Hollywood. And when I moved to town, I used to stop by there on my bike rides and get a coffee and started talking to the owner and found out there was a stand-up night there. And so I got a job at that coffee shop so I could get on stage regularly at that lineup. up. Serving food, da-da-da-da. Yeah, and then if it was like, oh, somebody didn't show up, I'd pop out from behind the

counter and, like, do a set. But my first time was there at Little Fritos, and it was the same thing where I had gone to watch the show, but I wasn't working there yet, and I had never done stand-up. And then somebody canceled, and I asked if I could get on stage. And it was an actual booked show, so it wasn't an open mic. Yeah. And when I say it went well, I mean, if you showed me the video, I'd probably be like, oh, God, it's hilarious that I thought it went well. Well enough for you to be excited to keep going.

Yes. And then my second time doing stand-up, my friend Derek and I, he drove me to Orange County to some stand-up competition. I was cocky. I was like, wow, my first show went well. there's a competition to win $100. And so he and I drove out there and I got on stage and I tanked so hard and ran off stage mid-set. And Derek laughed at me. No, not tears.

I was like, oh, my, I was like, never mind. And I like ran off stage and Derek laughed like tears in his eyes, the whole dry, like hour and a half back to L.A. that's a good friend oh my god it was we were and i was laughing too i was like oh my god get me out of here oh my god it was so mortifying but it's that drug of stand-up where it's like but it did go well the first time so i'm gonna try it again it's the golf swing yeah yeah and so i just i got sucked in and now i'm almost 30 years into it i wanted to play basketball and when i discovered that I was kidding myself at college level. I just didn't even walk out on the court.

It was so sad. And that was my joy in life. I didn't know if I wanted to. That was your one joy in life, Ted? Yeah, that's what, yeah. Wow. Very sad. And never got to do it.

No. All right, I exaggerate. It was one of my biggest choice. Okay. Sorry, I'm picking this off, you know, so you've told the story before, but your kids in the backseat of the car driving to school and tell that story. How my kids didn't know I was gay. Yes. Would love to.

And I'll also tell you what happened after that. So, yeah, Stephanie and I were driving them to school to drop them off and go start our day. and halfway there our son Finn interrupted us because he heard Stephanie say something about being gay because of course that's all we talk about and no he leans forward and he says you're gay and they were seven at the time

they're nine now they were seven at the time and I was like I looked back and I was like yes we're gay and then he said what's gay And I was like, Stephanie and I, our heads were explode. Like, how on earth do our kids? Like, I am the mayor of Gaytown, and our kids don't know. And we've surrounded them with all different types of people and families and gay families

and their school is progressive and celebrate Pride Month, and we drop them off head to toe in rainbows. But they don't know why, I guess. And so, yeah, I explained what gay was, but I also thought he was pranking me because there's pictures of our wedding day. They know they have two moms and they lead with that. They're very proud to have two moms. And then we realized that just because you have two moms and that were married in their seven-year-old brain, that doesn't equal gay. anyway. So we, but yeah, and so we drop them off in that conversation while we were driving home or to start our day. We were truly going maybe half a mile an hour, just stunned. Like, our kids

didn't know we were gay. And yeah, I made the joke of like, did they think I was the butler? What did they think was going on? And then I get a call from Ira Glass, the host of the American Life. And he was like, TIG, because I shared that story on Colbert. Yeah. And Iris said, I loved that story of your kids not knowing you were gay. And I was like, oh, my God, it's insane. And he said, I was curious about, he said, I'd love to do a story about the follow-up

conversation you had with them. And I was like, there wasn't one. I was like, oh, my gosh. I was like, I already felt like a terrible parent, Ira. And now, yes, of course we should have had a follow-up. No, we never brought it up again. We have never talked about being gay ever again. And he said, oh, my, he said, if I send you questions, would you talk to them and record it?

And maybe we can try and figure out like a fun story, like a follow-up to that. And so I did. I printed out Ira's questions, and I went and had a conversation with them while I recorded it to get their response. Were they totally bored? Oh, my gosh. Yeah. They were working on Legos. And I was like, hey, guys, you know, placing my phone and paper perfectly where they wouldn't see it.

And I'm like, do you guys remember that I'm gay? And they were like, yeah. And I was like, okay. and then looking at my pay and you do you know what you remember what gay is and they were like yeah

it's a girl likes a girl boy likes a boy and I was like okay and then when teachers and faculty you know like I'm going into this list and they're looking at me like

get a life you gay loser and so I just like fold up my paper and walk out I was just like what is wrong. But all that to say, we have a great family. You have great kids. We do. And yes, we've fallen short in certain communication, like within our family unit. And look, when they were five,

they interrupted my bedtime story. Like halfway through the book, Finn was like, they call me mayor for mother. And Finn said, mayor, while I'm like, oh, and the giraffe said, but yes, Finn, he's like, are you a boy or a girl? Like when he was five. And our kids don't know our gender, our sexuality. They don't know what is going on. And I'm just like, I said, what do you think I am? And he said, I think you're a boy. And I said, oh, okay. I said, well, no, actually I'm a girl. And he said, oh, but you look like a boy, right? And I said, yeah, I guess so. And then I went back to my book.

I was like, anyway, so the draft said. And in my head, I'm like, what? You just take things for granted that your kids know your gender or they know that you're gay. But with my look, I have not had to come out to anyone in decades. So it did not cross my mind. I had to sit my kids down and say, I am a woman and I am gay. This is almost the, I don't know, you'd have to have a really good artist, a book too, a kid's book, because it's really brilliant, because that's the way it should be. Literally.

The lack of interest, the lack of one's better, one's not, or whatever. It just is pretty amazing. Probably because you also show up to the. party without you did you have your mother and your aunt my aunt be i thought you told your aunt as a practice when you first said i think i'm oh my aunt was the first person i told um but her response was totally beautiful if i'm remembering it correctly yeah she said you're bearing the lead you're in yeah yeah she was crying or i was crying and i said i wanted to share something i was i was i didn't know who to talk to or what to say.

And I had found a therapist, by the way, that I looked up in the phone book and went to her and told her that I thought I was gay. And she said, oh, no, you're not gay. And I was like, and immediately I was like, oh, I'm gay. I'm for sure gay.

Like, it really cemented things in my head when she was like, you're not gay. I'd never met this woman. And so I went to my aunt and just, I told her I was gay, And, yeah, she said, you're crying. She said, why are you crying? She said, you're telling me that you know yourself and you're in love.

You've found somebody. And she said, some people go through their entire lives, never experiencing love. And she said, that's nothing to cry about. See, God bless your aunt. That is so amazing. And your mom was that way. So when you show up to your kids years later, you don't have, this is me. I played a therapist once

to take it so relax I got this but it's like you had no shame in your body you had no whatever to pass on to your children what a gift and that'll be the same way whatever well my mother you know she raised us

she told us our whole lives to tell anyone who has a problem with us to go to hell and so I certainly didn't ever tell anyone to go to hell in my life but I feel like

my core inside TIG, I'm good with myself because of that. Oh, you are. I'm just sorry. If you're not, you're a great fucking faker. And, I mean, to me, you are, that's what makes you so powerful to me. Thank you. You are. You're, besides being funny and bold, dear Lord, topless, you know, besides being bold

and kind of dangerous, willing to be dangerous. You have so much gravitas and kind of wisdom back there. Well, that's what comedy did for me. You also have a great face, speaking of faces. Well, thank you. Thank you. It's 54.

It's no nearly 78, but it's, you know, I want that face when I'm... Can she cut back into when, can we cut back in when she said how handsome I was? And then we'll, like, okay. Can we cut that out? And I,

I wanted to say, One thing. Oh, when my mother died and I spoke at her funeral, I talked about that. I was raised Catholic and it was a Catholic funeral. I mean, kind of. It was very chill. We were Catholic, but we didn't go to church and I didn't ever hear about God, really. Or their point of view about gay. Yeah. But when my mother died, I spoke, and I talked about how she instilled that in me, the go to hell. And it was funny because there was a priest there at standing next to me when I was speaking. And I didn't know this priest. It wasn't like, like I said, it wasn't like we were deeply involved in the church.

But there just happened to be a priest there. And I acknowledged that I didn't know if it was appropriate to be. talking about how my mother raised me to tell everyone to go to hell. And I said, but also, when I think about my mother, if I imagine saying, I don't know if at your funeral I should talk about how you told me to tell everyone to go to hell, because there's a priest there, and I said this in front of the priest, I said, but I could hear my mother say, well, if the priest has a problem with it, he can go to hell too. Did he laugh?

Yeah, he laughed. Good. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Catholics have that edge to them sometimes where they're, you know, at least my family in Mississippi, they do. Like they go to church Sunday mornings, but man, do they party and go all out? I love your defense of Mississippi. Not that it needs defending Mississippi, but sometimes it does get, you know, smeared with a one color kind of thing. It's just so not true. It's really not. Especially because I'm not southern, but I adopted by Arkansas because Mary, my wife, is from Arkansas. Beautiful state. Beautiful state.

But the South has gone through, this is a generalization. Oh, well, I'm going to go for it. But the South had to go through all the racial, all that, and all the horrible stuff, while the North got this pass, you know, we're not the South. But when you go to Arkansas and go to Litter Rock, your elbow to elbow with more black people eating dinner and cafes and the streets than L.A. Absolutely. Or a lot of places in the North.

Yeah. Yeah. In the South, you're very much, I mean. And you had to choose early on. Mary said it was clear you either. you know, she saw kids having rocks thrown at them in the 50s and she was terrified to go to school because that's evidently what happens when you go to school.

You had to choose in an early age how you felt about humanity, you know. Well, and also people in the south are really conservative areas or, you know, any, look, you can go up north and middle America. You can go to California. There's racist people everywhere. There are closed-minded people.

You can't escape it. But what blows my mind is when you stumble into a small town, and this is what I just love so much about my family, is that there are so many people that leave these small towns and go to big cities. and they learn about other cultures and people and ways of life. And then they come back and then they have a new story to tell or feeling or thought. But the people that didn't go to big cities and have those experiences that just have an open heart,

mind-blown. There's so much credit that needs to be given. to these people that are, whether it's my cousins in like really like Southern Gulf Coast, Mississippi or the tomato farmers that that side of my family

that are up in central Mississippi that have, they love me, they support me, they open their doors to me and Stephanie and they know we're vegan and they, you know,

it was so sweet, When we went for my father's memorial, they had gotten just like a vegetable platter that had a big thing of ranch dressing in the middle that wasn't vegan. But, you know, they were trying to, you know, that big platter where you take the plastic off the top and it's all the sectioned off vegetables. And it just meant so much to me that they were trying, that was specifically for us. And they had, you know, all these clippings of shows of mine or things in the newspaper. But I just, I feel very lucky, and I just don't think it's fair to discount people just because of where they are. And I'm well aware of the negative aspects of the South or Mississippi. But there are, I was with my stepfather and my brother.

I had accepted an award from the governor of Mississippi and my brother and stepfather and I were in Jackson having dinner and after before the awards. And we were walking down the sidewalk and this man, I saw him in the window at a restaurant, see me, jump up, run out of the restaurant, and just thank me for not discounting everybody in Mississippi. He was like, we're not all like. that. Yeah. And, um, and I'm very aware, very aware. And, um, yeah, so that's, we got married in

Mississippi. We had a big gay wedding in Mississippi and my cousins were like, man, if they don't put your wedding in the paper like they did all of ours, we're going to raise some hell, you know? And they did. Uh, I, maybe not. No, I think it is, no, like, listen, my, the local paper probably over reports on me but yeah there's just a lot of love and acceptance

and it's not because they move to New York City for college okay more questions are you doing just talking about the film right now are you doing stand-up as well are you

I'm going to start a tour in the new year I'm going to hit kind of more minor markets as I get back on my feet. And I always tease those minor markets when I go do shows there where I say that, look, I'm working, like you guys are getting bottom of the barrel of my show. I'm going to work it all out on your minor market before I take it to the cities that really matter. And when you say minor market, the press, the reach of their press? No, I just mean like the cities.

Yeah, like, you know, I'm heading off to, I don't even, I don't even remember what cities are on my tour, but I always love being on stage and teasing these smaller cities and towns that like, I have to perfect my show for New York and San Francisco. So I'm coming through here, Omaha, you know, I'm going to use you to work this out on the big cities. But people also, they enjoy. getting that first round of what the show was in the early days. And then you release it as a special or an album later. And they're like, oh, that's what it turned out to be. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I usually ask people around this moment, you know, kind of what's your guiding light. But everything you've been talking about today is clear. I don't know if I could put it into words, but. like what's my north star what kind of yeah what keeps your heart going what do you want to make sure you put out in the world

or where's your hope do you have hope you know all those things that you're so clearly do have this conversation with you but well anything to add I don't know if this is exactly answering your question but

what does keep me going is I heard this quote once and I kind of retooled it a little bit to just apply across the board. And it's the best gift you can give anybody is a well-lived life of your own. And I love that so much because it keeps me focused on, I don't want to be a burden to my wife or to my children. There's nothing better when you know that your parents are living a good life. All your stress goes away. When your kids are happy and living a great life, your stress is gone.

You're just, you're free to live your life. And so I like to take care of my health. I like to do all of the boring typical stuff of like eat, well, exercise every day. I just, I want to be good. I don't want anyone to worry about me. What's cool about that is everybody can do that. You don't need a big platform to give this gift to the work. because it's not just your family.

I do think of the ripples of you leading your best life and being positive and grateful ripples out. I don't think there is anybody in my life that is privately or publicly worried about me. You know? Like, I don't think anybody is going, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what she and Stephanie are, like, who knows what's got, like, and, like, she.

Like, she just is not taking care of herself. And I don't think those conversations are happening. I know I am always trying to live the best life I can. And that's, you know, that's very attractive. I was one of the things about. Hello. I can take a hint. That's right.

Hello. Okay. Let's hear it. I was, well, I was about to pivot as soon as I said that, you know, which is what you do. You look great today. Anyway, my wife said to me this morning. Don't say that to her. But that was one of the most attractive things.

And amazing to me when I met her was, oh, she does not need me to take care of her. Yeah. I get to play alongside her. But, oh, my God, she doesn't need me to handle some wound, you know. She's got it. That's similar to when I was with Stephanie. I could not, I looked at her like she was an alien because I couldn't figure out why. I was so all in with her because I have certainly dated and been committed and loved people,

but I wasn't like, oh, I want to go the long haul with this person. And I could not figure out what it was about her. And I said when she was getting ready one morning, I said, I can't figure out what it is. about you that makes me all in, that I want to be with you forever. And then she was just like, yeah, I don't know. And then, but then, and this has never happened in my life where I had a deep question. Like, what is that? Moments later, it hit me. I had a full on epiphany. And I said to her, I go, you know what I just realized? I said, I've never heard you speak. poorly about yourself.

And she said, oh, yeah, I never would. And she said, that doesn't mean there's not room for improvement. She said, but I would never speak poorly about myself. And I was like, I'm so attracted to that. Yeah. I am so attracted. Me too. I get it.

The conversation we're having is really the conversation we're having. That you're not saying manipulative things to try to get me to do or say something, that we're like really, we're actually really, this is really happening. Like this, there's no facade, there's no, oh, how do I look? Do I look okay? Is this, you know, in my, and Stephanie's like, if I don't look good and I ask you how I look, I want your opinion. I want you to tell me if this outfit doesn't look good.

She goes, that doesn't mean I'll change it, but I want your opinion. When I ask, I want your honest opinion. I love that. Me too. I didn't realize I had so many opinions until Mary liberated me by asking me stuff. Yeah. And I'm pretty good. Yeah.

I've got a good eye. Yeah. Turns out. My mode of seduction used to be before Mary. Mm-hmm. Finding the hole in somebody's heart and then filling it and being indispensable to them because I healed their wound, which is a heart. which is a horrible basis of a relationship.

And you didn't heal their wound. No. By the way. I kept my finger in it. Yeah. But no, I remember with Mary the first time. But boom, thank you. I almost rolled right past that.

We should end on that. I love that you asked me if I remembered the moment in the beginning I mean, the, this is our conversation. The bell, and you said, you do remember the thumb? Yeah. The art producer that got thumbed. Yeah. It's such a great moment.

I've had the best time talking to you. I was so excited to talk to you about. He's also nervous because I wanted to make sure that I, I don't know, whatever. I wanted to impress you is what I wanted. I am impressed. I've been impressed by you for years. So this isn't. Usually people come up with that shit.

like five minutes in. So this is, wow, a little late taken. Five minutes in, they say that they're impressed by you. Yeah, I'm famous for being needy. And actually, I'm very good at accepting acknowledgement. Some people aren't, and they're no fun to acknowledge. I am very much fun. You and Stephanie, man. Yeah. I always tease her, because when she's cooking, she'll sample it. And she'll go, oh my God, this is so good. And I'm like, Stephanie, most people will say, oh, I need a little more salt or this. She's like, no, my gosh.

This is so, and anytime she says anything positive about herself, even unrelated to food, I always yell from the next room. Oh, and she loves her own cooking. She's not overly confident, but she's very confident and comfortable with herself. And I'm in. Aren't you lucky? I am. I'm very lucky.

I adore you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for the, it's not thank you for the film, but I'm so glad you introduced me to the film because it's such a worthwhile important thing to put out. Not important. Like it's a gift.

Yeah. Because we're all going there. Yeah. And it's a privilege to see somebody do it with such grace and such poetry. Well, thank you so much. for watching it and all the things you said and having me on.

Yeah, it means a lot. Meg? Totally inappropriate, but give her a hug. You can't help but walk away from the film going, oh, I hope she's okay. And I know she can't help but be grieving. But please give her my love.

I will. And if this gives you any insight into Meg Meg refers to Andrea's death as Andrea's alleged passing because she

feels Andrea all around her and she said when she goes to bed at night she asks Andrea to put their arms around her

and Meg said I feel Andrea and I go right to sleep I feel sorry for anybody who doesn't realize that that's actually a fact Yeah.

It is a fact. Well, that's how Meg is doing. And Meg is a freak of nature. And I just, I'm blown away by her. Yeah. Well, then give her my best. We'll do. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Come see me in the good light is streaming on Apple TV now. TIG also has a lovely podcast called Handsome with the comedian's May Martin and Fortune Femester. I was featured in an episode, so check it out. That's it for this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. As always, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're in the mood. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full-length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.com slash Team Coco. See you

next time. Everybody knows your name. You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow. Our executive producers are Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer, engineering mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grawl.

Talent booking by Paula Davis and Jane Boutista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gen, Mary Steenbergin, and John Osborne.