Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Adam Cayton-Holland

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

First time on the show is comedian, writer and actor, Adam Cayton-Holland. He's undeniably a cool dad and a very cool guy. This is a great conversation. Enjoy it! Adam's new special it out now on YouTube (Link Below) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7E9aF9cOpI #andrewsantino #adamcaytonholland #whiskeyginger #podcast ================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBITHOLE $5 OFF YOUR ORDER https://rabbitholedistillery.com/buynow USE PROMO CODE: RABBIT SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey GREEN CHEF Get our best deal of the year! $250 OFF YOUR ORDER https://greenchef.com/whiskey250 ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people in the North. I like gingers. Like, mmm today. Did you grow up in church? Were you a church boy? No, no, no, no. No, no church for you at all? Uh-uh. Parents of conflicting religions. Oh. And- Let me guess, Judaism and Buddhism. Yeah.

Taoism and whatever's going on in Palestine. No. What were the conflicting religions? Just Christian, Jewish, hippies. So like neither one won. We just didn't do anything. No church. So you did no church.

Now, How about holidays Hanukkah, Christmas It was great My dad was the Jew So shitty Jews We're shitty Jews Yeah you're bad Jews Because it's supposed to come

From the mom's side anyway Dad was the Jew Which meant he had to do Hanukkah So like he would literally Steal a couple Christmas gifts From my mom's collection Maybe a bag of gelt On day three

And then it would just Peter out We never got through All eight days Really Yeah We'd go to Better Jews houses for Passover and Rosh Hashanah and stuff.

The Better Jews. My dad knew a collection of Better Jews around the city, and so we'd go have those experiences. Did he have a map of Better Jews? You don't tell Gentiles about the map. Sure, trust me. We get a hold of that thing, it's all over. Forget about it.

The guilt thing is very funny because Jews have a lot of guilt, so I guess that is really close to home, huh? I guess so. I honestly have never even thought about that. The guilt thing is very funny because Jews have a lot of guilt. So I guess that is really close to home, huh? I guess so. I honestly have never even thought about that. You never thought about that. You guys are littered with it. You don't seem to have it though. Because I'm not a good Jew. Right. You're a bad boy Jew. I'm a bad boy Jew, but I did go to Israel for free on a birthright trip because I know a deal when I see one. Yeah. God bless. Yeah. Put this down a little bit so we can see your little face. Look at your beautiful face. Well, you have

a beautiful fucking face. Thanks, man. Since I've known you, you've always been a handsome, sweet, smart, funny, intelligent, wonderful, kind, caring human being. You left Los Angeles many years ago. We've known each other for over a decade. You went back to Denver, Colorado, the Mecca of... I can't wait to hear you finish this.

Well, I was trying to figure out what was that. It's the Mecca of... You know, fool's gold and dream catchers. The good old West. And skulls. The good old West. The good old West, yeah. You know, and it still remains that to a degree,

although, you know, we have family in Denver. We go back. It's a lot different than it used to be. Denver's exploded, man. When I was a kid, it was like, my friends and I wanted to get out of that town. It felt like a cow town. You had to leave that city to go do anything real. Not anymore. And then my friends and I would gradually come back from college and we're just like, I'm thinking about buying a house here. Yeah, because it's beautiful. It's really exploded. And now it's a pretty dynamic city.

So I'm digging it, man. What part of Denver were you from? There's this neighborhood called Park Hill. Yeah. Chauncey Billups is from Park Hill. We know it. Did you ever know Soder as a young lad? No, Soder and I never crossed paths, but he's from Aurora, Colorado. I know, he's not near me. Which is trash. But my wife is from Aurora, Colorado as well, which is trash, and she knows it.

And so I texted Soder when I was going to my wife's 20th high school reunion, and she went to a rival school as him, and I was like, check it out, I'm at Overland High School reunion. He's like, I can smell it. Yeah. It does have a little stank on it. I think there's an Aurora in every city, of course, Wayne's World. Totally.

That's the most famous Aurora. Yeah, that's why they jokingly did Aurora, Illinois, and I can't remember the reasoning for why he did that. I remember hearing different anecdotal, he chose it because maybe somebody that helped co-write was a Chicago guy. You know, there's a lot of Chicago improv comedy from that era. That movie is one of my favorites to this day.

It's still rules. It's unbelievable. And it works still. Some of those you watch, especially Mike Myers films, you're like, didn't age well, but Wayne's World has,

it's not offensive, it's like, dude, it rules. I Wayne's World has, it's not offensive, it's like, dude, it rules. I love that movie. It's got, it's got this very simple, it's such a simple format

that it didn't let itself get in the way. In fact, they make fun of, they kind of are self-aware, they make fun of when things get in their own way and they ruin the,

the juice of something. That's how they, when they sell to arcade, you know, to Noah's Arcade. Totally, totally. And I ruin the the the juice of something that's how they when they sell to arcade you know to noah's arcade totally totally and i remember really cool at the end of it they have like four different like let's end it this way let's do the scooby-doo and that went to my 12 year old brain i was like you can break the fourth wall yeah like that i love that i thought that was so cool they just didn't give a shit and kind of they broke a lot of rules in in in it in and of itself anyway because it's it's kind of a wonky

film they talked to the camera multiple times you can tell a lot of stuff in there was like not supposed to be in there initially that's what i can think made comedies great when we were kids we're around the same age i'm 43 wow yeah you old old how old are you no i'm 40 okay yeah damn but it is funny that it's just like all those movies when we were kids, the comedies of the world. I think they were just a little more jagged and rough, and they weren't as complete. I bet you they weren't network noted to death. I bet you there wasn't a team as big on top of it. Well, nobody cared.

I think back then they were like, just put it out. Who gives a fuck? This thing might do well. It's cheap. And SNL was probably reliable. They usually tend to make their money back. Just let them do their thing. Yeah.

I guarantee that was what was going on. Well, and also Mike got a lot of, he got a lot of love because he was so creative. I think it's like, you know, I think the character creation had won for him so much that people knew that, well, this was going to work as well. And, you know, it's interesting. I talked about this literally yesterday, yesterday afternoon. Did you know Shrek? Did you ever see the tapes of Farley? No, but I heard about this literally yesterday. Yesterday afternoon, did you know Shrek? Did you ever see the tapes of Farley?

No, but I heard about that. It's on the internet now. We found them one time. I don't even know where they are, what website they're on. They're on YouTube. Yeah, but they get ripped down. Like, every week they rip them down. But there's, you know, you can see some of the stuff of Shrek.

I think I've seen clips of it. That's how I'd get anything, in a 12-second Instagram dose. And I'm like, I'm cognizant of it. I know what's going on. But it was wild that Farley used his own voice and then I guess, you know,

after his passing, they had Mike Myers came in afterwards and threw in the Scottish thing. You know what's crazy? Well, the Scottish thing really sold it. It was great.

Not like Farley wouldn't knock it out of the park, but I, just like you, I mean, Tommy Boy was just pivotal. But I often think now, what roles would Chris Farley be getting? Like with Paul Thomas Anderson getting a hold of him. Oh, that's interesting. Or like Wes Anderson, just aging, old Chris Farley. Can you imagine the sort of dramatic turns he would get?

It'd be cool to see the Coen brothers do something dark and solo with him, like a man out west going to Denver looking for gold. Oh, man. Farley on a gold rush. Let me write that script. You're like, Adam, he's dead. No, let me write the script. Now that he's dead, I want to write it. Before I jumped into too many,

I'll digress a thousand times, but what I do want to say is since I've known you You've always been Beyond a good dude But also a great comedian And you have a special out That's out right now On YouTube

Same production company That I used for mine That many of our friends And family have used 800 pound Who put out some Really good sauce Some aguda salsa

Very nice And it's out right now Link will be in the description below Please go watch The brand new special Of course It it's called Map of the Jews. Map of the Good Jews. That's the hidden track

if you play it backwards. Map of Denver's Good Jews. Map of Denver's Good Jews. If you spin it backwards. Now, 1717 Milwaukee Street. 4100 Locust. Get them. What's the name of the new special? It's called Wallpaper. Wallpaper is the name of the new special out on YouTube, available right now.

Please go watch it. You're the opposite of wallpaper. Wallpaper is kind of stagnant. That's not you. I stand out, I like to think, but this is, I got two kids now. This is my fatherhood effort. Love it. And there's a whole joke about becoming the wallpaper of your family.

And like, I was in first place my whole life, and now I I'm in fourth place and it's a real big ding to your psyche and ego so wallpaper it references that your first place in our heart thank you you're number one in my little soul I mean I don't like your wife your kids more than I like you you met yeah that's what I'm talking about I want to meet those people I think they could win you over I mean I'm I've suck they're pretty cool my dad used to always say growing up he would say he's the LVP. I'm the LVP of this family. The LVP?

LVP. And we'd go, you're a fucking drama queen, Dad. That's what you are. And then you're a dad, and you're like, oh, I so get it. I'm the LVP of my family. It's just weird how it happens. You made humans to take your place. It's a strange self-sacrifice.

That's cool. You learn a lot. I mean, and I also was really cognizant. I didn't want this to be a hacky kids say the darndest thing. I don't want to become that fucker. But I feel like every comic,

you get one. You get one fatherhood special. And this is that for me. So I'm pretty proud of it. I think it's not, like also, I don't believe in that word, by the way, hack.

What? I think it's a made up word. Oh, I believe it. Here's why I don't believe it. I think it's, comedy's such a subjective nightmare that what one by the way, hack. What? I think it's a made-up word. Oh, I believe it. Here's why I don't believe it. I think it's, comedy's such a subjective nightmare that what one person thinks is hacky or whatever

can somehow be spun into some sort of creative gold for somebody else. I don't know. There's something about it that to me is... That's such a sophisticated view of it and I've never even thought that.

Well, it's only because other people shit. There's tons of comics I don't like their shit. There's people that don't like my shit, but they still respect you maybe because of your work and your effort. So if somebody goes, oh yeah, that guy or that girl is hacky. I'm like, no, that's just not what you like in comedy. It's like, it's like this. I don't like Corvettes. Okay. I fucking loathe Corvettes. I think that I cannot stand that car. I could go on about why I

don't like it. I'm a car guy, but for guys like it, to me, they're like, what are you even talking about? It's the greatest car ever built. Right. So I just step back from things like that and go, as I've gotten older, I'm like, yeah, right. That's not made for me anyway. Why would I like it? I really love that. And I think, like, as I've gotten older, like, in comedy, of all the art forms, so to speak,

people just say, it's comedy. And we're all the same. And I'm using the music analogy. There's genres. Some people play arena cock rock. I'm not into it. And don't get mad at the guy who's selling out the arena with his cock rock.

No, yeah. Because you're a little indie rocker, dude. You play a different type of music. And also, the indie rocker doesn't want to be the cock rocker. Exactly. So why try to overly... You'd be miserable. You would be so mad.

Whenever you get frustrated in comedy, I'm like, that's not my genre. I don't even do that thing. Yeah, and who cares? Enjoy the ride. That's why I talked about Joe Coy the other day, about everyone throwing these darts at that guy hosting the show.

And I didn't watch it because I just don't give a shit about those things. But I bet you if I watched it, I bet you it wasn't that bad. It's just because his brand of humor didn't match with whatever they had going on. Right. And that's the end of it. It's like there's this weird ideology of like there's a perfect rhythm to this thing. It's like not really.

You're putting a guy up there in front of privileged, successful people. With no senses of humor about themselves. Well, so what the fuck do you think is going to happen? Yeah, totally. You were mad when Gervais fucking was rude to you. Then you're mad when the sweetheart, Jokois, like the fucking sweetheart gets up there and is like, hey, here's some kind of, you know, thrown together jokes that we did and blah, blah, blah. What's hateable? I don't know.

Anyway, I just think it's we're entering an era where I think you can have your own specific taste and love what you love. But when we bash on the shit that's different than us, it's almost like a waste of our time because it wasn't for us in the first place. And comedy fans are getting more knowledgeable about the genre that they prefer with podcasts. And they see people guesting on this show. Oh, I like him. I might like him. It's just like a Spotify suggestion at this point. The best part is you get to pick and choose. Totally. And guesting on this show. I like him. I might like him. It's just like a Spotify suggestion at this point. The best part is you get to pick and choose.

Totally, totally. And I've said this before, and McCone and I were talking before the show. You are, and people may not know this, but you are the next Matt Rife. You're next in line. As far as hot guy, arena hot guy goes, I know how to ask people,

what do you do? Are you together? And that's why I got into comedy is because I don't like jokes, but I want to know people's relationship to each other in various groups. Yes. I'm just fascinated by people and what they do and whether they're together. That's right. And so, like, this is the quickest way to learn. You're going to be next.

I've said this to Matt. I'm a journalist. I'm a journalist is what I am. And I said, Matt, move over. ACH is next, baby. 43-year-old dad time. Take your shirt off, Adam. I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of it. What do you do for a living? I'm serious. And then there's no riff and I just write it down like I'm gathering facts. It would be great for you to do a dad show of just crowd work with dads with their kids. Just having just one-on- on one conversations It's not even funny Maybe there's a laugh in the hour No but it's usually just a conversation

Yeah I agree It's very like PBS Because you get into the throes of Miss Rachel I'm sure that's a piece of your Mrs. Rachel is that her? What's her name? I don't know what you're talking about My buddy was just telling me about with his kids

Miss Rachel look up Miss Rachel Oh is this like a kid? It's like an instructional. Yeah, and a friend was like, I think that's her. Yeah, yeah. Similar to comedy, you fall into your own genre of kid bullshit. Right, your genre of parenthood. I'm a blippy guy.

I'm a bluey guy. Blippy, yeah, okay. Blippy's insane, dude. I've heard these. But look at this girl, Miss Rachel. She's got this kind of like, hi, everybody. And she's, and jungle it. So, but get out of here. and you can see she's got like

eight million followers and my buddy was like a friend of a friend was like dude have you shown your fucking kid miss rachel because i guess he was like you know had a hard time with some stuff and then he was like i i bet you this this will help oh really and my friend was like get the fuck out of here do we try we we're going going to real doctors to figure some of this shit out. And then, of course, they let him watch a little bit of Miss Rachel, and the kid's like fucking all in. And he's like, it's funny that these new tricks of the internet have worked. When we were kids, there were no tricks.

Exactly. I see Miss Rachel, and I'm like, production value too low. YouTube, no, don't believe it. But then you become a parent, and you're just like, I read a meme today that was very convincing and I utilized it and it worked. Like they have all these little self-help tips in our pocket. It's real now.

Don't ask your kid how his day was. Ask him one thing he did today. Oh, right. You know what I mean? They don't want to talk about school. They're just like, mom's the word. So you're like, what's something that you did in class? And usually you can get an answer out of them.

What's the fear though? Do you have the fear of, like, the internet has circulated too deep in your kids' lives now? On my podcast, my friends Ben and Andrew, who you know, make fun of me because I'm just, like, so old. Dude, I still get a physical newspaper.

I carry a check in my wallet. You get the Denver Post in the morning? Well, when they fucking decide to deliver it. I was going to say, don't they not deliver that anymore? These guys, these assholes. Then they have the audacity to ask for a Christmas tip with just an envelope in the paper. Seriously.

But you do it anyway, don't you? No. Hit your success rate more than 30% a week and we'll talk tip at the end of the year, dude. I like this. Dude in your truck. Do you ever tip the mailman? The mail person? I do.

I tip the mail person. And my favorite, well, I got these boys that are five and two, so they love the compost truck. They love the recycling truck. So this Christmas, throw a 20 in a red envelope, have the boys walk it out to the truck. And those dudes love me now. They really like me. They're picking up your shit every week now.

Leaf season, I got extra compost bags around. They'll pick up mine, but I see my neighbors sitting there on the fucking stoop still. Why do you pick up your bags? Well, the neighbors sitting there on the fucking stoop still. Why did he pick up your bags? Well, the little Christmas trick by the best Jew on the block. Yeah, that's right. Even in the truck, they're like, the Jew's okay, man. He gave us a tip.

Jew gave us money. Jew gave us money. Typical. We ought to pick up his shit. He's nice. He's all right. His dad's a Jew. They get a full diatribe.

They understand. You know his mom is not a Jew. He's one of the good ones. See on the map? They've got the map. How did you guys get the fucking map? That's a Jew. They get a full diatribe. They understand, like, you know, his mom is not a Jew. He's one of the good ones. See on the map, they've got the map. How did you guys get the fucking map? That's our route. That's how we plan our route. The mayor gave it to us.

Yeah. This is the Jew map, boys. Take it with you on your route. We talked about tipping our, this is what's weird about our neighborhood, and this might be just Los Angeles as a whole, but like our male, I say male person because it was a guy for a while, then it was a lady, then it was another guy, then it's been a lady, but now she doesn't do our house.

She does like the other block. It's the weirdest shit. Same in my neighborhood, and they always change, and they're always different times of day. So I don't know who it is now. Totally. And also my guy, I don't want to say her name, but you motherfucker, dude.

I tried to give him a piece of mail as he was walking away from the doorstep and he's like no i was like no no no dude i just because i ran out after him oh you mean like to mail out yes and he was like no no i've already left the premises are you serious i swear to god and i was like what does that mean and he showed me you know they have a little digital i don't even know what to call it whatever like it looks like a little you know what it looks like? A credit card scanner. You know, it's like this big. It's like a little, and he showed me, and it has the address of which the home he's supposed to be on.

So I guess when he passes the house, he clicks something that says, like, he's no longer there. Probably to make sure he hit that house. Yeah, but also I think it's a time thing. He's like, no, no, no, I'm on the, I have to be at the next house. That's like Jeff Bezos Amazon shit. I know. I really don't think the USPS is working that efficiently. Dark room, light swinging, cigarette smoke, gun to the mail person.

Like, why'd you spend so much time at 5216 last week? What was going on? We had a lunatic mail man. Yeah. And he, it was a man. And he, there's a house across the street. Nicest dog ever. Neighborhood kids pet it through the fence.

Lacey. And this dude was unwell. And we had all had numerous incidents with him where he was unwell. And he went into their yard one day, and Lacey sniffed him, and he just maced her eyes. What? And fucked up our neighbor's dog. Whoa, dude. And they were trying to blind one eye.

The dog's been fucked up ever since. Whoa. And they're trying to sue the USPS. It's going nowhere. And then the guy was gone. They kicked him off. But they'll let anybody. Mailmen are not since. Whoa. And they're trying to like sue the USPS. It's going nowhere. And then the guy was gone. They kicked him off. But like, they'll let anybody,

mailmen are not well. Yeah. They are, look, some of them tend to be, it's, when I think about it again,

if I'm being a sweetheart today, a bummer gig. It's a bummer gig. It's a bummer gig, man. I don't want to do it. No, did you ever read, was it Post Office by Bukowski?

No. You should read it. Is it great? Yeah, it's great. It's just depraved. It's a bummer gig, man. I don't want to do it. No, did you ever read, was it Post Office by Bukowski? No. You should read it. Is it great? Yeah, it's great. It's just depraved Bukowski being a mailman, and it's real, and it's all the characters

that work at a post office in the 60s in LA. It's pretty good. That's awesome. Yeah, it's a great read. That's when it was probably, yeah, that's when they're still doing their partying

at the post office. Now you go there, it's a very, it's a bum gig. It's a bum gig to have to throw people's shit in their box, but also if you're going to do it in a place it's just a it's a it's a bum gig it's a bum gig to have to throw people shit in their box but also if you're gonna do it in a place like this it is cake there's no bad weather you're ever having to like go through no shit you're not a midwest post office yeah you don't live in you don't live in the throes of shit fart minnesota where this kid's from which is

the worst this kid did you were fedex, he FedExed. Oh, wow. Yeah. I mean, they're supposed to. Did you make bank? No. No? No, you don't make any money. You technically don't work for FedEx.

You work for an independent... Yeah, you work for like a third party. Yeah. Yeah, you don't work for them. That settles it. I'm not pivoting. That's right. I'm glad I came on this podcast. You're going to stay in comedy? I'm staying in comedy it I'm not pivoting that's right you're gonna stay in comedy I'm staying in comedy

I'm not gonna be in it that's fucked up we tried dude we did try to pivot you we did say before the show could we sucker you into becoming a delivery driver that was why that

eight minute segment was about it's like an army recruitment thing Adam you wanna come on Whiskey Ginger have you thought about your future Adam

after comedy now I've only been privileged enough to do High Plains once. We can't afford you anymore. Well, but also schedule. This is the problem with what happens when we get a little bit of time on the road is now every year you've got a tour. It's like every year they're like, get on the road.

And then you're like, do I have time to do a festival or fit this in? And it's like, no, what are you talking about? We need you in every city possible. Sure, sure, sure. It does get a little overwhelming. And then also that was the other thing about coming to Denver, which I love so much, is they don't want you to burn the market. Right.

It's such a good comedy market, though. It's the best, and that's why you want to save it. If it was in a different city, I probably would double down and not care. Right. but that's such a comedy market that it stinks it bums me out i get bummed about it it's all right man no worries we'd love having you the time you can but high plains comedy festival by the way uh how long has it been going on right now it just hit 10 years it's wild it's a festival i run it's like a very indie comedy festival but i i people have described as the best indie comedy festival in the u.s and i proudly accept that title i I proudly accept that title. I would say it's better than any corporates. I mean, what the fuck?

It's very just love of the game. The corporates don't even exist anymore. JFL and South By and all, that's a Moon Tower. Moon Tower, yeah. Well, they're so thick. Right. That's just like a who's who of everything. It's got every big name, every big theater show.

This is a smaller mom and pop, but it's very much love of the game. The old cliche, summer camp of comedy. So it's just comics that I can just be like, hey, can I underpay you to come to Denver and party for a weekend? And my friends are generally like, yeah, that sounds great. And it really is a ball. And there's really great shows. One of my favorite shows I did was at a bookstore,

and you had to get, I think you were given a few topics, and you had to construct fan fiction surrounded by. Oh, yeah, I remember that show, Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction. It was really construct, um, fan fiction surrounded by, Oh yeah. I remember that. Yeah. It was really cool. Erotic fan fiction. That was a fun one. Cause you had to go right. Speed, right? Yeah. You had to speed, right. You had to go backstage and you had maybe 20 minutes or something like that to just like barf out a great love, erotic fan fiction story. And I think mine was about, God, I wish I could remember, fan fiction story. Totally, totally.

And I think mine was about, God, I wish I could remember, but I want to say it was, it was erotic fan fiction with Lois Lane. I think it was. It's hot. I think it was. I think it was like

the first time that they hook up or something like that. Brian Cook used to run that show. He writes for Kimmel now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, dude, I did like Friday Night Lights one time,

which got real hot. Yeah. I did Lord of the Rings, which got super gay and steamy. That's very gay. Very fast. Yeah, very gay. That is basically a gay novel to begin with, Lord of the Rings.

It just needed a little push off the cliff of Mordor, and I was ready to just shove it all the way in there. So full orgy at some point? Dude, so great. Yeah, dicks and mouths. Like, it was great. Yeah, it's a great festival. It's very fun.

And I have that affinity for Denver, too, so it's hard to... Well, I'm going to pester you about it, because I've gotten to the point where I don't like running a festival, booking friends. Like, I'm a comic. I don't want to be a producer. But now I'll just hit up people, and they'll be like, can I connect you with my agent? And I go, no, no. No, I wouldn't do that. That's a waste of both of our time.

Right, exactly. I've got to have some call with some asshole who's like, so what's this and what's that? And I'm like, it's the amount I told your client and we have nothing and that's what it is. They said yes, what are we even doing this call for? So now I've gotten to that point, which is nice. When I started it, I had to be like, can you please come? And now people are like, I'd love to come

and yeah, let's just do it off the books. Well yeah, because once you get the agents and all that shit involved it becomes this everything gets convoluted. It totally dilutes what originally was these festivals or what they were made for once you get the agents and all that shit involved, it becomes this, it's everything gets convoluted. It, it, it, it totally dilutes what originally was these festivals or what they were made

for. And the old school days of like, even like the small LA festivals that they used to run that have kind of come and gone and come and gone. It's like, even those get so rich with the business, which is good. But then at the same time,

you're like, well, it's not even the thing anymore. Well, for me, it was really like, I started out in Denver, and everything I ever got was just for performing with people,

befriending them, and then sort of being like, hey, do you mind if you vouch for me on this or that? So I opened for Tig Notaro one time. She did a festival. I asked her, could I be on it? She said, you're on. And then I went and did it, and then somebody at Bridgetown Comedy Festival saw me,

flew out to Portland, did that, got a manager off of that and like opened all these doors so I always wanted to have that in Denver just like shine the spotlight there because it's always been a good scene

of producing people all the time big time and so I just wanted that once a year national comedians to come and Denver to shine and it's really

turned into that it truly is and I don't think that happens anymore not to harp too much on the comedy festival market but I think comedy fans that listen to the show don't know that happens anymore. Not to harp too much on the comedy festival market, but I think comedy fans that listen to the show don't know, but that used to be such a great way to make your way through the system.

I don't know if that's a thing anymore as much as it used to be because now there's so much noise. Get your views, get your videos up. Yeah, so much fucking noise. But for me coming up, especially as someone who wasn't in New York or L.A., it was a big thing to try to get seen that way. Well, that's how I usually poke through to something else. 100%.

That's how I heard guys that would come from like, you know, it'd be like, oh, this guy's coming out of Nashville, back before Nashville was even remotely what it is today. For sure. Or like Chicago guy or Atlanta kids or like, you know. Austin before Austin was the. Yeah, right, Boston and Austin. Yeah, both of these places were like,

if you could get out of there to go here to either get to New York or LA or where else where they can pop, and then you get successful enough, you move back, you kind of were like this perfect story when I heard that you were moving back home. Because I was like, oh, man, that's like a positive, I got to go back home. Well, you know what's funny? It wasn't like, I got to tuck my tail. I'm glad to hear you say that. I mean, my friends and I came out here to film a show. We got a TV show called Those Who Can't, and we came out here to film a show like we got a tv show called those who can't and we moved out here to make it and we got three seasons to me that was always the dream like i didn't want to move to la being like i hope i get

something yeah it was like we came here to do a job and we did three seasons and i never thought about moving we would come here i'd write the show uh make the show and then spent go back to denver i don't rent places out here for half the year and go back and so i never like left really in my head i was just coming out here to do a job right and i want to come back out here and do many more jobs but that's sort of we got spoiled that was the model the first thing i ever did was my thing and now i only want to do my things no but you should if that's what you want like you don't you shouldn't be a part of something else if it's not what you love anyway. Yeah, I don't think I'm the best actor ever.

I think I like writing shit. I like creating the whole world. So are you wanting to create stuff that you're not in as well or no? Both. I mean, I'll give myself a role, but I don't want to carry the damn thing. I just wrote a movie that they're making, and I'm not the guy. But I'll have a little part in it. What is it?

I wrote this book about, this is a sad pivot, but I wrote a book about losing my sister to suicide. Yeah. And I adapted that into a movie. Oh, that's rad. And we're making it. Wow.

Yeah, I'm really pumped about it, dude. Yeah, you sent me that book. I have that book. We shouldn't have talked. We shouldn't talk about this. No, it's a whole different thing. No, let's talk about it. I mean, I really didn't mean to take it there.

Yeah, you did. And yeah, you did. You were waiting the whole fucking show to go, I'm bringing up suicide at some point on this podcast. You brought up the post office shit. You're right. You know what happens with post office. I know.

Post office suicide. Every time. Or mass murder. Either way. Exactly. There's only two ways out of this. They're twined. That is wild.

Yeah, that is, it is heavy heart heavy. The point I was trying to make was not the sad point but was that I like writing the thing creating the thing being in charge

I really like that part yeah well I hope that movie gets made and your sister will be played by no I haven't cast anybody yet but if you want to do it

me? can I be your sister? yeah do I look anything like what she looked like? no no not at all well

wasn't a beautiful redheaded woman? No, but I mean, this is Hollywood, baby. Anything can happen. Yeah, that's right, dude. 15 minutes in a room at Warner Brothers

can change the world. We've narrowed it down to Santino and Amy Adams. Me, Jessica Chastain, Isla Fisher, Amy Adams, and give me one more redhead. Give me one more redhead give me one more redhead

Jessica Rabbit yeah oh yeah what a man she'd win just to work with her Nicole Kidman is redhead kinda oh that chick

I don't know see some of these people they get to throw in there Emma Stone Emma Stone's so hot right now Emma Stone

Emma Stone kind of is more of a brunette in my brain okay do you know what I mean Rihanna Rihanna go outside I think that's a natural red no seriously that's a natural red go take a walk around the studio sit down in my brain. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Rihanna? Rihanna. Go outside.

I think that's a natural red. No, seriously. That's a natural red. Go take a walk around the studio. Sit down, you fat ass. Yeah, Rihanna. And then, we're forgetting, Natasha Lyonne. There's a redhead.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw her a couple nights ago. Who is that? Julianne Moore. Yeah, Julianne Moore. I just saw her Old Navy commercial. I was like, huh, Natasha Lyonne, Old Navy. She's doing Old Navy, what do you mean?

Oh, she does TV Old Navy commercials? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. I sound like my father now. I don't watch TV. Isn't this fucking, this is going to be so annoying. The only TV I watch is sports.

Me too. That's when I see commercials. That's funny, me too. But now, there it is. Now I'm not even watching fucking sports live like I used to. Yeah, I was. I'm just like clipping sports now. Wow, doing a little Old Navy.

Right? I hate and get your paycheck, but it does seem like a pivot. That's interesting. Yeah. That is interesting. It is funny when people that you wouldn't believe would go to a, like do a brand sponsorship thing where like, because it was never your image prior. If it always was, it doesn't matter. Right. If it's Kevin Hart no one's like

what's Kevin Hart doing reading it? You know you're like no that's Kevin. I think all aging is is letting go of like petty resentments. Like when we were kids we were just like this fucker sold out. And now you're just like oh they got a great paycheck for them. Yeah they have to live and they probably have a family. And that's their kids college. So sweet.

Way to go. Do it. It is, exactly. Although there's, it is, this is, goes back to that argument of how much is, what's the dollar amount that would make you read for something that you absolutely loathe? Have you ever done it? I mean, I've done, I mean, dude, we're a podcast. We're about

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It's like almost all the products that I ever read ad for on our podcast, in our podcast world, we have to approve, obviously. Yeah, yeah. And almost all of them either let us have enough fun where I don't give a shit or I actually like it. It's 50-50. That's the way to do it. Half of them I actually like and half of them I'm okay with the product and they're like, have fun and it's not a part of your world. I like that. I'm okay with the product. And they're like, have fun. And it's not a part of your world, but when they let us have fun, we wouldn't, we don't really say yes to anything that I'm like, I don't like it. I don't like what they are, like what they do. And I don't use it.

Yeah. It's gotta be like, at least I kind of fuck with it a little bit where I'm like, that's not that big of a, that's okay. I like, I like, I'm okay with it. It's not for me, but it's not a moral quandary, you know? But did like uh my first commercial um i did a mike's hard lemonade commercial i don't know how long ago it was and uh that was like the last time i did that and i was like i don't think i'll ever do this ever again it was like the most embarrassing that's funny i hated it dude i fucking hate it also because it was like it was weird and you'll probably never find it on the internet i I'm sure it's been scrubbed. Yeah, he can find stuff usually.

When we had our show, Those Who Can't, at some point they came to us with opportunities early on, early on, before they knew what we were going to do with the show. And it was Arby's, and they're like, Arby's wants to do something with you guys. And me and Andrew were like, we have the meat! And Ben was just like, not a fucking chance. No? Yeah, Ben's punk rock, and he was like a

fat guy back in the day and he's super healthy now and he's like i'm not pushing shit on america and we're like really upset we're like it's arby's it's funny who cares it's gross meat who gives a shit and ben's like no and now i respect it but i remember at the time andrew and i were kind of pissed we're just like well i get it if you stand for something but i also also fucking those curly fries are so good. Dude, I used to go there in high school. It was the closest place you could walk to from my high school. Yeah.

So when you didn't have a car, Arby's was full of shitty freshmen and sophomores. We stopped on the road a few times and got Arby's because Bobby, Bobby loves Arby's. I mean, Bobby fucking lives and dies for Arby's. Yeah. So if we see an Arby's, if I said, sometimes I'll be like, let's just go to a sandwich shop so we can have like a decent sandwich. And at least like that's as healthy as we see an Arby's, if I said sometimes I'll be like, let's just go to a sandwich shop so we can have a decent sandwich. And at least that's as healthy as we can be on the road.

Couldn't agree more with you. And this motherfucker is like no way, dude. He'll whine until we pull over at an Arby's and he wants beef and cheddars and the curly fries. I mean, and he eats all this stuff and then wonder why he's in pain for three days. I toured around with Brody Stevens

for a month. Yes! And it was the weirdest tour. I don't know if you knew the country commercial. It was me and Howard Kramer and Brody Stevens. And I'd never met Brody. And it was a month of us going around the U.S. It was like, remember Oddball? Oh yeah. The Oddball comedy tours? This was some preliminary. The road

to Oddball. I'll never forget Brody going Welcome to the road to Oddball! And never forget Brody going welcome to the road to oddball and they just decided the three of us were the guys but it was you Brody

and Howard Kramer and we would just go to comedy clubs and be like the real oddball's coming in four months but we're here doing a tour

it was a weird funny or die promo thing and Brody would only eat brand chain shit and he was also just relentless in a rental car the entire fucking time.

So by the end of it, I was pretty sick of Brody, even though I love him to death. But we're in Texas, and we passed just like the most iconic roadside barbecue stall. You can see smokers out there. It's like, guys, you can smell how delicious this is. And Brody's like, nope.

And we went to like a Dunkin' Donuts. And I was just like dude I'm done with this fucking tour 818 till I die I'm done with this tour he just didn't trust it

he needed everything to be comfortable and something he had tried before and reliable he wanted a corporate machine to back it up in the event that

something happened ironically enough Bobby shit the bed in where were we in Jersey after he had Arby's he literally had shit the bed we, where were we in? Jersey? It was one of the more recent ones. After he had Arby's.

Yeah. He literally had shit the bed. We had to switch hotels. This is not, huh? Was it Philly? No, it wasn't Philly. I want to say it was Jersey. You guys aren't rooming together. He's got his own room.

No, he has to room with Carlos, one of our other producers on Bad Friends. We don't let these guys get their own room. That's insane. They don't deserve that. Okay, fair enough. And in fact, we asked, we called and had had the airlines we asked if there was a class lower than coach we were like is there because these guys you know some of these guys have put in a little feelers if they could get up to comfort plus maybe and that's out you're out of your

balls no no you're 24 yeah 24 dude so they've at no no yeah yeah a few of these guys have kicked around the idea if maybe they could get a little bit of an upgrade. And I got to tell you, it's making me want to make them drive. Yeah, exactly. It's like, fuck you guys, dude. Because what we did at 24, like, dude, I remember I've told these stories ad nauseum on the show. But, like, you probably, I did triple runs. I did all these, like, fucking Montana, Utah. Yep.

And I would lose money. Wyoming was our thing. Yeah, and I'd lose money every fucking time because they were like, we'll give you 80 bucks. And I would do the math and be like, I could get there on gas for $74. Yeah. Could that work? And it's like, no, of course it doesn't fucking work. You have to sleep in your fucking car. You don't have merch yet.

I did. Yeah, there's no way to, like, make extra cash. No. So, I remember losing money, and here these guys are traveling across the country with us, living like fucking kings. Sucking on that sweet podcast teat. It's disgusting. These little pigs, dude.

They don't understand it. This is the internet. This is what the internet did. It made these kids get more than they ever deserved. Couldn't agree more. That's how big your crumbs are, though. I know. Big crumbs.

Big crumbs. Big crumbs. This has been Big Crumbs with Santino. And that's what I said about crumbs, by the way. If you spill some of that muffin in the studio, I'm going to fucking kill you. These guys leave food everywhere, like children. Who's the messiest person in your house? I mean, my fucking two-year-old.

Is he? Yeah, dude. Get it together, dude. He's a wild child. Does he throw shit everywhere? Does he draw on the walls? Is he that kind of guy? Kind of.

He very much just like, he's Chris Farley. He just like takes his shirt off and is like, what do you think? And we're like, it was funny one time. And he's like, cool, we'll check this shit out. And I just throw, yeah, he's wild. The older one's a little more sedate, calm. Little man's a nut. The little one's a lunatic.

Yeah, it's bad. The drawing on the walls thing and the breaking stuff, I always thought that. Someone just told us that their kid just drew all over their couch. And that was a big... It was a heavy day, I guess. I'm neurotic, dude. I'm clean. I'm orderly.

I have a nice house full of old antique stuff that I've acquired. And it's just like going to shit. Now you had kids. Now you got... We had a white couch. What were we doing? You have a white couch? We did.

With children? We did. Foolish. Gone. Did you have the couch prior to these children? We did. Okay, so then that's okay. That's fine. No, exactly. It's not like you had kids and then were like, let's get a white couch? We did. With children? We did. Foolish. Gone. Did you have the couch prior to these children? We did. Okay, so then that's okay. That's fine.

No, exactly. It's not like you had kids and then were like, let's get a new couch. No, we weren't that stupid. We just learned over the course of three years the white couch has got to go. Can't do it. I don't think anybody,

I have like a little bit of a, it's like a off color, off white couch, no kids, but even us, I'm like, well, the dog is for sure going to fuck this thing up. What's the difference? With kids? No us I'm like well the dog is for sure gonna fuck this thing up what's the difference with kids no I'm saying

why did we get a white couch is what you're asking us yeah well we moved into this house it's got a basement so there's like that's the

that's the carpeted fuck around area that's where the kids can play that's where we have a shittier couch deliberately the upstairs is a little bit more formal living room

we have a record player when we lived a life that would allow for such luxuries, now we're like, stay out of the living room, but it's covered in kids' toys. And we don't even let them on that couch, but I never leave the little hands. They're always fucking dirty, so there's just a layer of, yeah, we had to get rid of it.

Had to get rid of it. Have you thought about selling the kids? We've thought about, I've been telling a great joke. It's like, we're done it too. We are done it too. We're actually thinking about adopting. It's like, if anybody, at two. We are done. We're actually thinking about adopting. And it's like, if anybody, we can find a good home for the two-year-old. We're like downsizing this thing.

Two was a push, man. I didn't like, we're like, do we, do we not? It was during COVID and we chose to have two. And he's two. And I still don't know if we've made the right choice. Yeah, you did. He has not convinced me yet. No, he's going to turn out great.

I love him to death. Wait till you see how successful he is at whatever he ends up convinced me yet. No, he's going to turn out great. I love him to death. Wait till you see how successful he is at whatever he ends up doing. Yeah. And then it makes you feel like you, that you are a, you were a waste of time. But at least you made room

for something better. I couldn't be happier with him. But the first one was great and the second one, had we had him first, we would have never had a second one. Oh, oh,

oh, right, if it was the other way around. Oh, the other way around would be like. That's why the universe gave you that one first though. I think so. Yeah, to trick you. Yeah, oof. Yeah, just to fuck you up. the other way around. Oh, the other way around would be like. That's why the universe gave you that one first, though. I think so.

Yeah, to trick you. Yeah, oof. Yeah, just to fuck you up. And two boys, too. Yeah, but two boys seems great, because honestly, I have friends that have all girls. My agent has all girls. And he's less of a man than me. You tell him that.

You're goddamn right. Because I provided two heirs. You're goddamn right. First two tries. And what's your agent doing? Taking your 10%? Taking my money. To his girls? Scum.

Trash. He does tell me all the time, he's like, it's really hard to live with a house full of women. He's like, so when I do get out to go see a friend, I want to stay out for a little bit longer. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Where I'm ready to go home sometimes. If we go out to a football game or something or out to dinner, and I'm like, all right, I got a jet, and he's like,

you want to hang for another minute? Just sad dads of America. Any dog walk, I'm like, I can drag this to an hour and a half. That's a long dog walk? I can just go, walk the dog,

I'll be back. I'll be back this afternoon. That's your getaway, huh? 100%. Where are you finding the most time to get work done with the kids around? Do you have to

carve out a chunk, or do you just do it when you do it? I made an office in the garage, so dad goes out to work. But honestly, I travel for stand-up, so airplanes. I get shit done on airplanes. You do? That's so funny. I write, I write, I write, I do whatever. I'm so

freakishly productive on airplanes. People must think I'm a lunatic spy like landing and just gotta get it done because i get on and just work my ass off and then get off you have like four laptops open and everybody's like it's screens maps too yeah it's funny i'm the opposite i cannot wait to sleep on planes because i feel like i'm never not doing stuff here yeah like i'm so fucking busy where the moment I get on a plane, it's embarrassing. Sometimes I'll be falling asleep

as I've sat down and they have to wake you up to be like, sir, you have to. Yeah, yeah. I don't have that skill. I can't sleep on planes at all.

Shit, dude. At all. I'm so good. We've all been on lengthy-ass flights. Can't do it. Really? Really sucks.

Oh, man, my favorite thing is to sleep a whole fucking flight. God bless you. I wish I could do that. You just wake up and you're there. Yeah, I do it all the time.

I'm like trying to waste time until I can check the map through the sky again to see where we are. Can I tell you my little trick? Sure. Do you like classical music? Yeah, of course. Okay.

There's a couple of composers that I'm going to send you that put me to sleep. Just lights out. Dude, within seconds. I'll put in my headphones. They're noise canceling, so you're not hearing shit but them. That put me to sleep. Just lights out. Dude, within seconds. I'll put in my headphones. They're noise canceling, so you're not hearing shit but them. And I will just take deep, slow breaths, listen to these three composers that I like, and I'm cashed out, baby.

I love that. And I'm good to go. So for some reason, it puts me in just like a—I'm sure it literally lowers my heart rate. Oh, absolutely. Because if I'm up doing work or if I've got things I need to do on the plane and i start listening to like regular music i'm up it's gonna keep me up i'd be so funny just i get the list and it's like dave matthews i said composer and i was like what does santino think classical music is no it does it does lower it's just smash mouth that's all it is and you're like wait i thought you said it was multiple it was multiple. It's like, well, it's different versions of Smash Mouth. It's a cover band doing Smash Mouth.

I used to listen to cool music that I like cooking dinner, but now at the end of the day, I'm so burnt out from kids. It's classical music. It's like the symphony channel on Sirius or whatever. Just let's lower everything down. Let's calm it down. I think it does land your internal plane a little bit. So then when I'm up in the sky, it helps me pass out because I just don't.

Also, if I'm up in the sky and I start letting my brain run too free, I get anxiety. Oh, okay. Not about the plane. I just start getting anxiety about life where I'm like, oh, I should be doing that or why didn't I do that or this should have been. I'll start spinning out about bullshit that has nothing to do with. That's what I do every night before a plane flight. If I have a really hard, important wake-up time, like you've got to get up at 6.15 so you can hit this flight, I'll spend two hours in bed thinking about the dumbest projects, whatever.

Shit that shouldn't be on your mind. Your brain is a monster. It's disgusting. I can't wait until they find out what all this extra space was. When they say you're only using a percentage of your mind. My theory, and I want your theory. I think the other chunk that is, you know, unusable or unused by us for now, I think that I think it's I think it has logged memories of your past lives that you've lived. Oh, whoa. And it won't let you access those because otherwise the whole thing breaks. I think you're only given so many, you're given one, like one machine and then you've lived a million lives,

right? And this thing stores all that and that's an interjects it as it chooses. Wow. And just like subconscious flashes through your dreams. That's why you have strange dreams that kind of have weird ties or intuition to me is like when somebody has wildly good intuition, I have some friends that have like such remarkably astute intuition. I'm like,

you're accessing a part of the thing. My wife is kind of witchy like that. She'll have little premonition type things. This is good. Call your wife a witch.

This is good. I like this. She loves this. She would take that title. She's at home right now while you're going like, bubble, bubble, toilet trouble.

Dude, one time she was talking, we were walking and she sees a dog that's tied to a fence and she starts talking to the dog and she'll always be like, what do you think this dog's name is? And I'm just like, I don't know. Dog's name Leroy. She goes, it's Griffin. I think it's Griffin. And then the owner came up and she's like, what's your dog's name?

It was Griffin. Shut the fuck up. I'm not kidding you. You gotta kill her on sight. That's immediately like, sacrifice her! Witch, witch, Witch! Witch! He knows. My parents, this is so stupid for a second, but we play a game. We play a game over the holidays.

Called Sink the Witch. Yeah, Sink the Witch. And we burn a woman in our backyard. No, we play Screw Your Neighbor. Do you know Screw Your Neighbor, the card game? I don't think so. Oh, it's such a stupid, easy card game. But basically, everybody gets one card.

You look at your card, and you're either allowed to keep it or pass to your left. You can only go one way. And, you know, obviously, higher number wins, blah, blah, blah. And then when you lose three times, you put money into the pot, and everyone sings Sha-na-na-na, hey, hey, goodbye. But then some reason, I think my dad, someone divulged it, when the song is over everyone goes hey goodbye witch witch i don't know why we do it that's just good it's so fucking good fun

but we chant witch as you have to take a shot of whatever disgusting alcohol that's been put up there it's so funny everyone tries to find like the grossest shot, but it ends up being something that you wouldn't mind taking. It was fireball or something. That's not the grossest shot by a long shot. But what, see, this is interesting.

We've gone over this with my family. What would be the thing, what would be the shot that you're like, man, everyone, no one wants to take that? I mean, something that makes you gag

where you can feel that spit come. Like, I used to drink Jim Beam just a shot of Beam and now I would puke if I had a shot of Beam you'd yak off that yeah I think so well okay

to me it's like whiskey or scotch or anything like that but you know when it's bad well shit and you're just like even still I could knock it back

like I could do oh yeah right like one of these flavored like a Honey Jack Daniels yeah flavored whiskey or flavored booze would probably get me

before regular booze you like Frenette no yeah Frenette You like Frenette? No, yeah, Frenette, same thing. Frenette's gross. We talked about that. That's like Chicago has a thing called Malort that you buy people a nasty fucking shot of that. What is that one? Black Cherry Windsor.

Oh, yeah, Black Cherry Windsor. Right. This is disgusting shit. This is Canadian. It's plastic bottle whiskey. Gross. By the way, Black Cherry. This is like I'm 19.

I'm in college, and we're like fucking pumped to have this. Right. The whole bottle, by the way, the whole, what is that? Is that a liter? Oh, it's a $1.75 for $20. $15. You can get it for $15. $15.

I mean, it's almost like the government should step in and be like, that's too cheap. Something's wrong. We got to blind the poor somehow. You know a better way of blinding the fucking poor? I'm all ears. I knew a dude when I was, my dad grew up in the South. He grew up in North Carolina. My mom's from Virginia.

Really? Rural Virginia. Well, yeah, they're from the mountains. They're from a tiny little bullshit town. And mountain people all over. And there's vineyards in some of the mountains, like over the hill from them. And then so, of course, next to these vineyards there's always moonshine distilleries i mean that's like hand in hand in the appalachians so there was a couple

of people that would make their own shit right and uh there was a guy that i you know i don't know how we family friend is the best way to say it like neighborhood yokel or whatever yeah yeah but legitimately i thought this was a fake story for years he's a holler pal he's a holler pal yeah holler at me come on come on bow and send me down here he's he's semi-blind from moonshine no shit yeah and i didn't know you know the whole like it'll make you go blind no real actually will make you fucking go blind gut rot i didn't know that i didn't know that either but i believe it i mean have you ever had something moonshine yeah yeah it's repulsive though it tastes i mean it tastes, honestly, there is no pleasure derived from it. It's so heavy and strong and awful.

I mean, it does smell like the way that gasoline hits you where it kind of overwhelms you. Yeah. That's what it feels like when you drink moonshine. It's terrifically shit. One time I was in Mexico with some friends backpacking when I was like 24. We went around Mexico for two months. It was awesome. That's fun. We were everywhere.

It went to this small little islet off of a strip of land. There was nothing. It was just like cabanas. We spent the night there and we asked like, where do we get the booze? And they're like, go this way, go into the backwoods, find this lady, knock on a door. We fucking did it. We knock on the door. This woman's like, opens

the door and she has a bathtub and she took a two liter bottle of water, filled it up. You could smell the door. This woman opens the door and she has a bathtub. She took a two liter bottle of water, filled it up. You could smell the gas. We're like, do you have any limes or anything? We're going to need all the help we can get. She pointed to her tree. We took them off her tree. Then she closed her thing and we went back and we were just like, oh yeah, cigarettes.

She's like, Marlboro Reds. Here you go. We went back to the beach and nearly blinded ourselves. That hangover the next morning was top three of my life. You got some bathtub booze, baby. If I wasn't 24, now I'd be dead. Well, you're prepped for prison at that point to take a little bathtub, Jen. High dose of methanol certainly can, unless you really screw up a batch.

You should not end up with methanol to do any damage. See, it doesn't make you go blind. High doses, it does. Yes, right. Methanol. Yeah, the high doses of methanol. Okay. Let doses, it does. Yes, right. Right, right, right. Methanol. Yeah, the high doses of methanol. Okay.

Let me tell you something. Is methanol in meth? No. In meth is the same ingredient that's in those, they keep, what is it? It's behind the counter. Oh, yeah. It's like Adderall. Speed. No, yeah, because what's in, why can't I think?

No, it's an allergy medication. Why can't I think of the name of it? Not epinephrine. I don't know. I don't know how to. I'm allergic to epinephrine. I can't have that. You know when you go to the dentist and they give you something to numb the pain?

I can't have epinephrine. Oh, really? Yeah, it fucks me up bad. I looked up how to make meth allergy pill and it just. How to make meth and it gave you the phone number to call to not make meth. That is amazing. Please don't make meth. You know the podcast has taken a turn when a computer is telling us not to make meth.

Well, the best part is, we were going to use house computers, and then I thought, bring your own. But now his search engine is... I mean, this is like pure... The feds would love to get a hold of this. Everywhere. This is how you get to the dark web. It's like, I know they're saying, don't make meth, however, there's a whole web where we say, do it.

Pseudophedrine, yeah, pseudophedrine. It's in pseudophed, right. Pseudophedrine, pseudo is what is part of the meth cooking world. I'm not going to say his name because it's a mutual friend comic, but you know who he is, it's funny. I'll tell you on a fair. he said to me one

time i'll never forget we were we were on the road this is a long time ago and he would drink like four or five diet cokes minimum a day maybe maybe more honestly that was i'm giving a low bar and uh because i'd have coffee in the morning he'd probably have two diet cokes for my one coffee and one point i said something stupid like you know dude those things are so fucking bad for you like i can't believe you like you're just like that's like water to you it's awful like finish taking a sip and he goes you know what man i used to smoke meth so i think this is not that big of a deal i was like you know what dude have another diet yeah i guess that's true if you got off of smoking meth go ahead and have a couple more Diet Cokes.

It's like alcoholics outside AA ripping a few heaters. Have at it. Fine. Have at it. Fine. At least you're not killing someone in your car going 150 on the freeway. That's just you. That one's just for you.

Yeah, that's on you. I get that, too. I get that, like, you know, my dad is an addict so i get that like all those guys whenever i would go to those meetings as kids you know i would always see like cigarettes and coffee cigarettes and coffee cigarettes and coffee yeah and like the old adage is like well that's just you're placing addiction with another addiction it's like yeah man but this one isn't killing other people very well put very well i'll kill if you want to kill yourself go go go for it yeah don't kill other people like if you're going to be the person that's smoking and all that stuff, I have zero judgment over that shit.

It's not my fucking business. It is a truly refined alcoholism that only hurts the self. Alcoholism tends to spin out in every direction. Almost always, yeah. It's pretty hard to be the alcoholic who just drinks at home safely and just blacks out and goes to bed. There's no quiet librarian suffering through his alcoholism and no one knows. Although on TikTok. I mean, I guess there are a few, but.

I've seen a few people on TikTok now on these like, hey, there's a famous girl on there. It's like, hi, I'm Jenna, I'm an alcoholic. And she tells her journey. She talks about her entire journey. And there's some of these people that I've seen stitch with her and stuff that are like, I was a samurai of alcoholism.

They were like, I would literally hide it so well yeah and i would do everything to not impose it on society where they like took public transportation so they never drove um always drank at home like always drank at home so just keep it together button down nine to five and then just sort of well that becomes another their their addictions are subcategorized right so now they're addicted to hiding it just as much as they're addicted to the alcohol, which is even more unfortunate. The brain has to go through so many levels to like hide it so that they don't feel bad about hurting others.

They only want to hurt themselves or well, or okay with hurting themselves. I mean, that it's a, it's a wild, but I watched these TikToks. I've been, you know, once you go down one fucking rabbit hole, can't stop of course are you sunk on tiktok or no i'm proud of myself you're not on it i am but i'm i have someone who runs it for me ah i don't even know how to access it and i'm not balling on it but i'm doing fine i've got people coming to shows off of it but i've never looked at it see i barely post on post on it, but I love to look at it. That's the sickness. Well, that's the thing. I don't care about posting it. We put up a clip sometimes on it when we can.

Maybe once a month, if we get a good clip. But I just enjoy the fucking doom scrolling. Yeah, of course. I mean, like I said, I'm sort of old school. I don't like a lot of digital shit. But also, when you become a dad, it's not a good look to be doing this and be like, but I'm filming a video for my work. Well, your kid's right there, and now he wants your phone.

So something about being a dad looking at a phone feels real shitty to me. Yeah, well, I see all the time now, couples at dinner, that everyone's on their phone. I know. Well, it's the kids and the mom and dad are all on their phone. It's kind of a wild game. And believe me, my kids are absolute fucking monsters at restaurants and i so badly want to give them tablets and just dope them yeah but i'm like nope just make them learn how to behave in public and be engaged and look around and observe shit yeah because so that's

got to be a hard balance of when you get to let them do the thing and when you don't let them do the thing because when we were kids there were no rules i'm not saying we turned out great so much television i did too but i don't like that old phrase like, we turned out fine. It's like, no, we didn't. No, we fucking didn't. Look at what we're doing right now. Everyone's in therapy and we're all depressed and everyone's fucking off their rocker. So no, we didn't turn out fine.

Right, right, right. That old adage is nonsense of like, oh, you know, they used to let me walk home from school and we're good. It's like, yeah, dude, people got kidnapped and that was a part of culture. I saw my friends do so much fucked up shit walking home from school and engaged in it myself yeah i don't know i'm just you're trying to stave off the evil that's inevitably coming for them they're gonna find it but if i can if i can keep it away for five six formative years great and then you're good

and then and then they have the ipad let it raise i heard a thing from seinfeld on a i don't know who he was talking to but it really hit so hard in my chest. I don't even have kids, but it shocked me as a kid of my parents. He said, you raise these people for 18 years. And I don't know where he heard this, and this could be nonsense, but who cares. Then after that 18th year, on average, you will see your kid for only one entire year after that. Oh, man. In the count of days.

That's heartbreaking. Right. And it was heavy as fuck. Yeah. There's two ways to look at it. Good for some people, like fuck it. Or, well, that just means that time has to be significantly more precious. Yeah.

I agree. And it's always, that's the better mindset to be in, but it's hard to always be present in that. I mean, you know, like, do you get to see your family a lot? I do. My sister lives a block away, and my parents live on the other side of that park we were talking about. So that's awesome.

So I, but we, my sister and I both lived all over the place and chose to move home, and they'll still give us shit. My mom would be like, so you're not coming over on Christmas Day till two? I want Christmas morning. And it's like, Mom, I moved blocks away from you. So you've won in terms of the life. I live thousands of miles away from my family. And I work as hard as I can to get back as much as I can. But it's really difficult. I will say a word to the wise of this young lad. You gotta go break your back to see them as much as you can because it does get harder.

Now that we're in our 40s, which is fucking wild, I remember being that age starting comedy and thinking, like, I'll get home when I can get home. Yeah, yeah. Which also was a financial thing for me. I couldn't just fly back to Chicago. No, of course, of course. say though in retrospect if there was an advice i could have given myself was i would have rather spend more money that i didn't have going home to see them than waiting for the opportunity to continue you know what i mean that's really nice i wish i i wish if i knew that then i wish i could have done that more you know becoming a parent is very strange in that like you were a kid you're only a kid until you have parents yeah until you have kids yourself and then you're a kid. You're only a kid until you have parents. Yeah. Until you have kids yourself, and then you're a parent.

But I never thought of my parents as people. They're just mom and dad. Right. And then you have kids, and they just see you as dad, and they don't even know you have a whole origin story. I was fucking awesome. Right. I used to be fucking awesome, man.

I used to be fucking awesome. But then you're like, oh, wait, my dad's got an origin story. So it's really, I've talked to my dad a lot about parenting. It makes you respect the dad. And I can only go from my male perspective. I'm sure it's the same way if you're a woman and you have kids. But, like, you really think of your parents as more three-dimensional people than just your fucking parents when you become one. That's, like, a surprise for me. learn in life because like you said this special that you have out right now is all about you know

kind of removing yourself of importance from the world that you've created where you think you're kind of the center of your own universe and you are at some point in your life when you're young and then as you get older and you meet someone you love you become less of the center right they become the center or yeah it's a duality when you get married maybe she's more important than you but not really because you don't feel it primally biologically. And the kid is the first time where you're like, oh, I'm 100% behind this person. I'm fucking gone. I should get out of here.

What am I doing? I know. So it is a mindset fuck. And it's kind of fun to turn 40, whatever, when I had my first one and just, or no, it's 38 when I had my first one. Your brain shifts. Like I've been thinking one way 38 years and then the brain shifted. And it's still the same you, but it is wild to have this completely new perspective.

Well, the chemicals must have changed in your brain. For sure. Talk about that unlocked portion of your brain. I think you were gained a little access point. I think so. I leveled up a little bit. And it's not disparaging on anyone who doesn't have kids. They're probably using that shit for other things that I'm neglect like, neglecting.

Yeah, vacation and fun. Buying shit I want. In real life and kicking ass and fucking being a bad boy in push-ups and shit. Getting to the gym bright and early, dog. No, yeah, I do think it is you're accessing something. That's why it is kind of beautiful, and it's something that I, at some point, would like to have. But I do think, I do think you're given another gear.

Something else happens. I think so. It's the gear that makes me a lunatic on planes or something. Cause it's like, you got these hours, do it, do it. Provide for them.

If you do do that. Meanwhile, the childless scumbag over here, sleeping, just sleeping away. You're just typing away. I'm fuck. I'm dead asleep at listening.

He calls a composer. He calls him a composer. away playing you're just typing away i'm fuck i'm dead asleep at listening to a nickelback that he calls a composer he calls him a composer he is dude he composed a lot of that shit have you ever heard this is funny and this is this that's a good uh a point because i had a radio i was listening to like god maybe it was like i don't know what band i initially clicked on spotify and go play their radio station yeah sure so it was like a song from our youth okay right and then in the playlist of songs from our young days came up the band collective soul oh sure you remember collective absolutely and i kind of forgot about them until i heard this again and i remember then then i like had seen like the blue album with the soul with the squiggly.

Yeah. Anyway, it led me down this rabbit hole a couple of days ago to like, listen to a ton of collective soul. And in the middle, this is a rabbit hole that I love. Dude, in the middle of listening to it, I had this strange, I was sitting at a red light going, was this good music or bad music that I just was tricked into enjoying? Like I couldn't figure it out. I was like, was this good? Or are they shitty?

Because some of it I was like, oh, that's kind of a cool song. And then some of it I was like, what in the fuck is he talking about? I'll give you, Collective Soul I think is maybe four to five songs, hell yeah. Hell yeah. And then if you start digging into that. Dude, it got dark and weird. And you had to buy that CD. Oh, yeah. So you were digging into it. I yeah. Hell yeah. And then if you start digging into that, you're like, what? Yeah, dude, it got dark and weird. And you had to buy that CD. Oh, yeah.

So you were digging into it. I don't, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Something about it, I was like, did I like this or did I just not know any better at that age in my life? And I thought maybe this was fun to listen. It's really strange because there's bands now that I look back and I look at some of the stuff I liked and I fucking hate them today. I'm like, that band is fucking terrible.

I'm getting more set in my ways. Like my wife, and this is another thing that's gone, but my wife and I used to, you know, we were meeting each other. We'd get drunk

and we'd be like, YouTube videos, one for one for one. And it was always 90s MTV videos. That's like, we both grew up in the same era.

And we would do that till dawn. And it's just like, oh shit. So we love going down 90s rabbit holes. But now, now it's like about what's more obscure. If we that till dawn and it's just like oh shit so we love going down 90s rabbit holes but now now it's like

about what's more obscure if we have a night where it's like you wanna have a few drinks and fucking YouTube it up she's like hell yeah well I'm trying to really get her with the weirdest shit

so I'm going deeper and deeper oh you go down like I never really liked Alice in Chains in real time and now I'm like they rip yeah

they absolutely fucking rip the lyrics are great I love it I didn't give them enough credit. I think I liked them a little bit when I was younger, but I don't think I loved them. Me neither, but now I'm just like, I think they're first tier grunge hall of fame.

Like, absolutely. Wow, dude. I'm just like, they're up there. So I'm appreciating the 90s even more in this old age. I'm finding lately- Retire me to a corner. I'm irrelevant. Yeah, you're gone.

I got nothing new. I'm done. Yeah, you don't know- You I'm done. You don't know... You don't know... You don't even know the example. I just saw her name this morning, which is pissing me off. Something with a dollar sign in it. The Coachella lineup. Let's see. Bring up the new Coachella lineup.

Exactly. I'm like, this fucking... That's how you're old. You don't know who the famous people are. And you don't know who the musicians are at all. Go to images, because that'll just know who the musicians are at all. Well, it actually makes me... Go to images, because that'll just show you the poster they just published on. Pre-sale starts January 19th, so we got to go get in line. That's how old we are. So Lana Del Rey, Tyler the Creator.

I got to get to the mall. Oh, that's what I was thinking of. Doja Cat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Blur. I know Tyler the Creator. No, no. You know a lot of these bands.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you do. But Doja Cat, I don't know Doja Cat at all. Okay, but let's go like this. You don't know anything by J Balvin or Jenny Aiko. Nope. You know, and I don't know how to pronounce Crangbin, but you know who those guys are because you live in Denver.

Absolutely. And it's probably played in every single fucking store, every Artyrix store or whatever the fuck that's, how do you say that? What? Artyrix? Artyrix. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking the worst. Denver people. Rory Scovel turned me on to Crankbin Or whatever Yeah yeah That tracks Okay you don't know Karen Leon You don't know

Karen Leon The fuck I don't Of course I don't I know Zoom in Anima Anima I'll go down to the bottom

Behind Doja Cat Fucking pay attention Dickhead I know Little Yachty I couldn't name a song DJ Snake Give me a fucking break Ludmilla

Nope The Rose Nothing AP Dylan Rene Rapp DJ Seinfeld DJ Seinfeld I couldn't name a song. DJ Snake. Give me a fucking break. Ludmilla. Nope. The Rose. Nothing. AP Dylan. Rene Rapp. DJ Seinfeld. DJ Seinfeld. Oh, Seinfeld's playing.

I know Taking Back Sunday. Yeah, but that's from our era. I know Hermanos Gutierrez. They're new. They rule. Yeah, they're new. Taking Back Sunday. You know them.

You know. You don't know. DJ Seinfeld's kind of the best name. I got to tell you. No. Barry Can't Swim is so good. That sounds like a ska band. Yeah, 100%. That does sound like a ska. Barry Can't Sw no, Barry Can't Swim is so good. That sounds like a ska band.

Yeah, 100%, that does sound like a ska band. Barry Can't Swim. Like Operation Ivy. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's one of those,

go back to- There was a ska band that was the best name ever. It was Easy Big Fella. Easy Big Fella. Great name. Yeah, that's such a good name. Great name.

Yeah, look at this. Like the third, okay, so it always goes, this is what I find. They do this often on comedy lineups too, which is something to talk about that makes me mad. It's like Tyler is the headliner on the day two.

But then Blur is kind of a throwback because that's our era. I love Blur. So they're doing a re-up of like, that's why No Doubt is also co-headlining. But then you go to like Ice Spice is number three, right? I'm sure Ice Spice, really, really famous. But then you go down a Ice Spice is number three, right? I'm sure Ice Spice really, really famous. But then you go down a little bit to some of like the old school people that are in some of these lineups and you go, is Ice Spice more famous than some of like. Or do I just know that person better?

Or I've just heard the name more often. I know Aquabats so much more than I know Ice Spice. That's again another old school band. Old school ska band. But who's, let's see who the last person on the list is. Are you happy or sad to be the dead last person on these lists? You know what I mean? I'm just happy to be on the list.

Yeah, is that cool that you made it? Although, on a comedy fest, are you getting an ego about font size? Absolutely not. Because you're, I mean, you'll be up there, but. I don't, I absolutely don't care about any of this. Like, I don't, you know what's so funny? The other night, we used to, at the comedy store for a long time stopped putting up um names for a while they were doing uh they would just put up um comedy 365 is what they used to

say up there and then they started putting names back up on the on the main room side again and um someone said to me a friend was coming to the show and was like oh you put you up second and said you're not on the top there but you're bigger than whoever that was uh-huh and i was like yeah i don't i don't think that matters and they're like that's not why they do it that way i'm like maybe they do maybe they maybe they use i don't know i mean unless it's a bigger font i don't care even then fucking what do i i just don't get i i don't care I don't give a fuck About that stuff It's really I don't know Like being included To me

Is pretty low On the totem pole Of what I give a shit about I have been called Adam Clayton Holland On marquees Numerous times And I so

I'm just like It's okay It's whatever dude It's a more common Sounding name I get it It is what it is But it also

Yeah I do wonder If you're last on that list. You just made it, right? Zoom in. Who is that? Kimonos. They have 670,000 monthly listeners on Spotify. That's really good.

That's huge. And that's the thing. Also, here's another gripe. Sublime is on there. Is it his son, right? His son is now playing with them? I saw stuff online of his son playing his dad's songs. Now, I don't know if that was him

doing just like a one-nighter thing but sublime surviving members are there but are they not uh oh yeah the front man is jacob noel so bradley's bradley's son yeah so he will be doing the coachella which i gotta tell you fucking not a sublime fan that's, fucking not a Sublime fan, that's fucking rad. Not a Sublime fan as well. Not a Sublime fan, but that's, but that's, if you're going to do it, let your son do the homage.

That's cool. I get it. I used to have a joke. I was like, my girlfriend named her car Bradley after the lead singer of the Sublime. I'm sorry, my ex-girlfriend named her car Bradley.

Yeah, dude, I go down, I used to go down to San Diego and Orange County shows and talk about shit about Sublime just for fun. I don't even dislike them that much. I just love shitting on it. It is so holy in Southern California. And you're not from here, neither am I.

And I was like, they're not that fucking great. So once you learn that you can just twist their screws with Sublime out here, I love doing it. I love doing it. And I would say I'd try to find the comparison for Denver for, for Chicago. Somebody is, that is so weird. Has that ever happened?

No. Have you ever heard that? What is that? Something outside. Yeah. Construction. I think a ghost took a shit. That's a ghost taking,

it has diarrhea. That's a ghost taking a shit. It's so funny that the listeners won't be able to pick that up on these mics, I doubt it. But there is, it sounds like somebody

is turning on and off a pipe outside. I wonder what it is for Denver, but for Chicago, by the way. what is a sacred cow in Chicago? There's so many. Well,

I'm not going to say, I'm just giving a broad, and I'm sure people might be like, maybe like Wilco. Oh man, I love Wilco but maybe that would be like if people from Chicago would even if you didn't like Wilco

you'd probably be like fuck you Wilco's great like you still defend it even if you're Chicago and you'd probably be like get the fuck out of here they're great what do you mean I'm trying to think of who what does this say no but I would say like we're talking like hip cool in the world of like I'm we're talking like hip cool

in the world of like sublime being kind of like zeitgeist big popular for sure right yeah Wilco kind of has that thing for Chicago

I wouldn't even say Smashing Pumpkins I don't associate them with Chicago I wouldn't even though they definitely are also it says Earth, Wind, and Fire

on that list and I happen to know two members of that band went to my high school yeah Wind is from Denver absolutely I don't know

Earth might be from Chicago. Yeah, Wind and Fire. And they had to get rid of Rain. Yeah, that motherfucker. Well, he never showed it. He came and went so fast. Very flighty. Cheap trick.

Yeah, see, none of these I would really say genuinely are, except for the band Chicago, which used to be called Chicago Transit Authority, and the CTA sued them. The city sued them. Really? Yeah. No way. Well, dude, the city told them really yeah no way well dude the city told them the city told them daily fucking daily that's exactly right daily you fucking scumbag

i think he told they told that the city had said that they no longer can use that because it's a cop it's a copy written fucking whatever but yeah i would definitely say wilco as far as like nerd cool hip yeah yeah yeah that would be the one what is it out of denver do you think so denver never really had many growing up, but lately there's been a big, big one. You know, Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats.

Oh, love. Who are my boys. That guy's the shit. All of them. You're friends with that guy? Oh, yeah. He's so talented. The drummer, Pat and I,

we bird watched together. We're birding buddies. Dude, they were like, when I was coming of age in my 20s, so were they. They were all in tons of, and so we're all the same bars. We're all, you know, Denver's small 20s, so were they. They were all in tons of, and so we're all at the same bars.

We're all, you know, Denver's small. I know all those dudes. They're all fucking great. And so we just watched. I mean, a lot of people claim to be there, but there was a small music fest. They did their first show on a roof in somebody's backyard. And we're like, do you see Nathaniel's new thing? It fucking rips.

Because he's had five bands before then. And then we've just watched them take over the world. That's such a cool feeling to watch that happen. All of Denver, especially people my age, old hipsters are like, the Night Sweats, what the fuck? It's Pat, and it's Luke, and it's Nathaniel. It's so cool to see.

Tell me Nathaniel's the one that sings, and it's still all right. Oh yeah, totally. I think that's the name of the album. And it's still all right? It's still all right, yeah. That song would make me cry in the car by myself, man. I think that's the name of the album. And it's still all right? It's still all right. Yeah. That song would make me cry in the car by myself, man. Not only that, they're so great.

They bought a dive bar in this area of Denver where that festival is called Baker. It was going to be raised. They bought this old rockabilly bar, and they restored it. It's got a great sound. It fits maybe 200, and they'll just play shows there every once in a while, and you can go watch them.

Oh, that's cool. Like the Nuggets coach is an investor in it. Really? Yeah, it's the coolest part. So do they just play a show? They do pop up almost like secret shows where they announce it? Before they're getting ready to go on tour.

But they announce it like day of type of shit? Yeah, pretty much. And it's kind of like if you're friends with them, you can get in. It should seat 200. There's probably 350 in there of Denver luminaries. See, that's what I would love to do. It's fucking great.

I'd love to have a little sneak. Those little sneak in shows where it's like friends of friends. I know that's like sometimes like a little annoying for regular fans because you're like, you privileged fucker, you get to go to the thing.

For me with that one, I'm not ashamed of it because it's not a place of privilege. Like I'm some famous guy. It's like, no, I just fucking spent hours with these dudes my whole life just bitching about wishing Denver could be bigger

and have more. Right. And they're doing it and so it rules. That is fucking cool. That guy fucking rips. They're the top ones out of Denver right now, for sure. I would love to see him.

But yeah, I don't know. That's the thing. I don't think we have that... People would get that mad if you talked shit about it. But Southern California has so many that it's weird that they've chosen Sublime. Like Red Hot Chili Peppers are fucking from here. Yeah, I know.

And that's such a much larger band on the global scale of like history. Historically, they've made so many fucking albums. They're an LA band. Oh yeah, I know. They're California embodied. This made me think of another thing. There's this impulse when you go and headline anywhere

to be like, I'm in this town. This is your sacred thing. I'm gonna shit of another thing. There's this impulse when you go and headline anywhere to be like, I'm in this town. This is your sacred thing. I'm going to shit on that thing. Have you ever had that burn blow up in your face? Because I have several times where it just exploded. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah.

People get – well, also, I'm a sports fanatic. Oh, so you just go – you bill Burham out the gates. I always make fun of their sports teams. Yeah. I feel like that's a part of the – and that oftentimes – I tell you what what the cities that have good history um they don't give a fuck they laugh with you boston it's impossible because they're a dynasty they've had dynasties yeah right right you know what i mean like there's cities you go to where it's just undeniable they're like okay make fun of us we're also fucking we're confident in this we're pretty we're okay dude you know i mean like

we have we have so many fucking championships under our belt. Denver's teetering on the edge of confidence. So we're like, all right, just be careful. The Nugs won. Just remember the Nugs won. And Elway's kind of off limits. We know he's got big teeth, but let's not go further than that. We're not prepared to go further than that.

Yeah, you do have to. It is funny. The in-between cities, like, well,'ll say like the i'll the best example i could give you is salt lake whenever i play salt lake i fucking love salt lake i have like i really love it yeah i love that city every time we've played that city i've had so much fun i did the arena where the jazz play with burt you know we did like his tour oh at john stockton and carl malone intersection but every time i go to salt lake it's fucking rad yeah but i always remember when i do make jokes even if they're not uh a part of the mormon church which a high majority of people are yeah but even if they're not they're around it enough they grew up near it perhaps

so they don't love it when you're diving on it like they don't mind you teasing it but they're kind of like okay man i get it just you know they've also heard it. Like, they don't mind you teasing it, but they're kind of like, okay, man, I get it. They've also heard it a lot. Yeah, they've heard it too much. They've heard it a lot. And so the last time I played, I maybe was a little too liberal with mocking it. And I think they were like, okay, let's cut it out.

I think that was like, I could feel them being like, go back to jokes. The jokes are fun. Right. Just do the jokes and don't, don't shit on the machine. I also called out Carl Malone for knocking up a 12-year-old or whatever the fuck it was. And they liked it, but they were also uncomfortable about it. How old were he?

She was, like, 14 or some shit. I mean, yeah, it's like, if they do that shit, sorry, it's, it's. 13, yeah, what the fuck are we talking about? Yeah, dude. So I had to make fun of how insane that is and they you know like people were a little uh didn't want to hear it i remember an episode of nba inside stuff with ahmad rashad love them they were going around with carl malone and he had converted a semi truck into his like cribs it was just like a weird pimped out semi truck and i knew something was off from that one from that episode something was off with that dude yeah you know what's so funny we need mtv cribs to come back

so we can find out who's an actual psycho like when you see someone's house yeah you see someone's house you go uh this guy's actually more normal than i thought yeah totally and then the opposite where you're like this guy's a fucking full-blown lunatic this guy's got a house and a truck yeah he's a fucking scary weirdo. Like, 13th overall pick. Maybe that was deliberate. And January 13th, 96, he had his contract with Jazz. This guy loves 13. Lucky number 13.

Lucky number 13. I can't miss with this one, guys. I'm on a roll. I'm Karl Malone, baby. Karl Malone loves the number 13. Your Honor, in my defense. In my defense, I was 13. 13th pick, that's just my thing.

He's choosing to represent himself. It's like, Carl, this is the worst move. Yeah, his whole family's like, just get the lawyers. I call them along, I'm going to do it. Call them along, I'm going to do it himself. Here's a drawing of me being drafted 13th. A drawing, Carl? A drawing.

Yeah, we need MTV Cribs to find out who's like, like MTV Cribs for the young people that never got to really indulge in that as much as we did. Redman's apartment in New Jersey. Oh my God, that's like iconic. It was just like the great, there was a shoebox of money on the fridge. It was so real. It was just a fucking dirty, there's video games all over the floor.

His cousin was just sleeping in the living room mid-interview. And people thought this was a bit, by the way. I know, I know. And I have proof that it wasn't a bit. You want to know how crazy specific this is? Please. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I worked for a music company doing visas, international. Right there, yeah, his condo, his two-story condo in Jersey.

That's amazing. Yeah, shelf of DVDs. So I worked for a company that did visas for bands, right? My first job, desk job out here was I I was doing international visas and all this stuff, and Method Man, Red Man, I have a picture of me in red. I should actually, I'll send you to show in the episode. That rules. Somebody just sent it to me. Method Man, Red Man,

Flava Flav, Macy Gray, Cypress Hill, I worked a bunch of... Just getting them visas to travel internationally. Yeah, so they could travel their tour. But anyway, annoying story short, I remember when that episode came out and i thought i'm gonna i'm this is at the very brand the new world of google map and i was like i want to see if that's actually his fucking address so i searched on his

submittal paperwork saw his address in jersey my hand to god that exact same condo because if you go back out to the first frame it shows the shot of the outside of his condo. And anyway, I did like the- You can vouch for the outside. No, and I did, and that was that right there. And it was actually a street view shot of that condo complex. And I was like, holy fuck, that wasn't a-

Because I remember thinking this was bullshit. I was like, this is a fucking bit. His cousin's sleeping on the floor in the middle of the show. I mean, he kind of looks like shit. He looks hungover. Oh, yeah, yeah yeah he was partying all fucking night absolutely but no this was this was all real and granted i don't know if he lived there anymore but he owned this place was still his one of his you know addresses so it made me fall in love with him even more i

was like oh this is so legit he this is this wasn't put on for the show meanwhile everyone else that did mtv cribs wanted to make sure you knew they had... Of course, of course. I remember one with Devin Sawa, and it was like... I don't know who that is. Devin Sawa was a... He was a teen actor in some stuff.

He was in, like, teen movies in the 90s. You probably recognize him. Devin Sawa. He was in Stan, the Eminem Stan video. Oh, the kid who played... Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's Devin Sawa. Final Destination?

Yes, that's him. He had a little run of being, like, a teen star. Anyway, it's his Cribs, and, like, just in the garage, he opens it up, and Jason Schwartzman's him. He had a little run of being like a teen star. Anyway, it's his cribs, and like just in the garage, he opens it up, and Jason Schwartzman's staying in there in a tent. That's fucking rad. That's a pretty good gag, you know? See, when they started to get self-aware that they had to make gags. There's Jason Schwartzman in his garage.

I thought that was so fucking funny. Yeah, you had to make gags to make it worthwhile watching at some point, because otherwise they were boring. That's so funny. It was good. Yeah, Devin Sawa, I remember this kid. Yeah, he was kind of like a heartthrob back then, right? I can't remember what teen movie, but he was a heartthrob for sure.

Yeah, he was one of these young babes. He was a very young babe. He was a young babe, dude. There were so many young, hot, male babes. Wow, he's still a babe. This guy's handsome. He aged great. Isn't that funny?

Click on the first picture, the first one there. Isn't it funny that these guys got better? Look how strong Devin Sawa's neck is. Well, he works out literally every day. Yeah. Fuck you, Devin Sawa, you sexy motherfucker. You're sexy, Devin Sawa. Come at me.

Come find me and come give me a hug and a kiss. Don't fight me, but just caress me a little bit. I'm doing a shameless plug, but I do a podcast called The Grawlix Saves the World. And in that, just on our Patreon, you'll just like this. We have a podcast within the podcast called Boy Crazy, where we just appraise hunks of yesteryear. And it's just three 40-something dads appraising hunks. We've got to get you to guest on one.

I would love to. You would love it. Honestly, I'd love to. And Devin Sawa, if you're out there and you want to come on my show or you want to come on the Hunk Show. Boy Crazy. Boy Crazy. Please do so.

It's B-O-I. Don't get confused by the other ones uh listen adam i love you i appreciate you coming on the show it's great to see you when i come back out to denver um we'll come i'll come poke around with you yeah man i'd love that do me a favor everyone at home please go watch wallpaper right now available on the youtube so we'll put the link in the description below so you know where to go so uh you're not confused on where to click, and please share it and do all that stuff that the internet likes to do

big, big, uh, big fan of pushing that stuff around to everyone, because if you like it, I guarantee your friends will like it and that helps us grow our own little thing independently, as we did here on this fucking show, that's how all this shit started so, uh, I appreciate you, and the show the same way.

You look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase. It's going to end the episode whenever you're ready. One word or one phrase. Dope as fuck. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.