Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Adam Eget

Episode Date: March 20, 2020

Santino sits down with Adam Eget, the talent coordinator at the World Famous Comedy Store to chat about how Santino went to high school with an American Gladiator, his infamous relationship with the legendary Norm Macdonald and how Adam made his way through the comedy club world and ended up being the talent coordinator at the greatest comedy club on earth. TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com/ ALL STANDUP DATES ARE CHANGING AS WE SPEAK AND GET THROUGH THIS THING. JOIN OUR PATREON!!! : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast BUY SOME MERCH: https://shop-andrew-santino.myshopify.com FOLLOW CHEETO: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ FOLLOW CHEETO TWITTER: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino FOLLOW ADAM ON INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/adamebay/?hl=en FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER ON TWITTER: https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Drink Buffalo Trace because its the only bourbon with balls. Since 1773 they have been pumping out the best juice in Franklin county Kentucky. Find it at your local liquor or grocery store while everyone is hoarding toilet paper, you should grab some Buff Trace. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, thank you so much. Please subscribe. Do all the right things. Spread that word around. Hey, the coronavirus has hit us pretty hard. I've come off tour, of course, because I have to. I don't have a choice. I don't really want to. I want to be out on the road on the Red Rocket Tour. If you want to see the dates of the Red Rocket Tour, go to andrewsantino.com. That's where all the dates are. We're rescheduling and changing everything around. The Talia Hall Show in Chicago has been rescheduled to July 25th. I'm going to be there. Chi-Town, July 25th, we are rescheduling.

As far as Sacramento and Portland and Seattle, we're rescheduling July 16th, 17th, 18th. Sacramento, Seattle, Portland, 16th, 17th, 18th. Those are going to be up on the site as soon as we get the ticket links. I've also rescheduled Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut for November 5th through the 7th. Hopefully, we're going to approve those dates as soon as we can. We keep changing everything as we go. It's not on us. We're doing our very best. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep up. And right now, the other date reschedule that we have is cleveland is going to be moved to july 31st and cincinnati is august 1st um so go to andrewsantino.com to keep up see when we put up

the ticket links we're trying our best to make all that shit work in the meantime hey man i'm working dude we're trying guests keep falling out because everyone's like i don't want to do it i'm sick but i'm glad my next guest joined me adam eget is the shit he's the manager of the comedy store the booker he is the talent coordinator he's the manager of the Comedy Store, the booker. He is the talent coordinator. He is the everything, my homeboy and he is unbelievable. An eye for talent

that is so underrated. If you want to learn about what's going on with me other than the tour, you want to get involved in the Patreon or check out the podcast either this or Bad Friends and all the links.

Everything you need to know to spread the word is at andrewsantino.com. Again, our Patreon is there. My tour is there that hopefully we're updating. And also a bunch of other goodies we're updating on a constant basis, including our store, which has a bunch of T-shirts and all that stuff that you can get right now online. Go to andrewsantino.com for everything you need to know. But for now, enjoy the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore. Gingers are hell no. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again.

Today, it is Adam Egott. Adam? I feel like you should mean it this night. No, no, no. Honestly, I do, though. You do. Eric cheers me because there's no booze in there and that's against Irish law.

All right, cheers. Cheers. I'm drinking Buffalo Trace. It's delicious. God, I miss whiskey. Some good sauce. I know. You do, huh?

I do. How long have you been sober now? Two weeks. Bad boy. I know. I know. Who's a bad boy? I was bad.

Let me crack this open. Okay. Adam and I have known each other for a one. I was bad. Let me crack this open. Okay. Adam and I have known each other for a while. For people that don't know Adam, Adam currently is the cuck of the comedy store. No, he's the fucking... He's the manager of the comedy store, the booking talent head honcho.

I don't know. What's your title? What's your bullshit unofficial, like the official unofficial title? No, King Cuck. King Cuck? Yeah. No, talent Cuck. King Cuck? Yeah. No, Talent Coordinator.

Talent Coordinator. Adam is basically responsible for making the lineups at the comedy store. He is responsible for getting bugged every day by comedians about getting spots. Absolutely. It's a fucking nightmare. It is a bit of a nightmare. But you also have a storied history. People that are big comedy fans know you were the co-host of norm mcdonald's show on netflix yeah sidekick yeah do you want to say

sidekick i don't give a fuck it's not demeaning it doesn't matter dude i was a holocaust denier on there you are a holocaust but you don't believe you know what when the first time we met and i and you said i'm adam eget and i said are you jewish and you said yeah but i don't believe in any of that muckety muck from the past i do i do recall saying that actually yeah so i do recall saying that what do you what do you know what i mean all right fair enough you're a denier fair enough uh you're a holocaust denier on the show uh-huh you also blew guys under a bridge for uh jacked Off. Jacked them off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For how much? $15 a man.

Pretty good take. Not bad. Pretty good take. Especially if you take into account this was years ago. Yeah. Yeah, see, yeah. With inflation, it's probably worth 50 or 60 bucks. At least.

Not bad. So I met you because of comedy. I want to dabble into your background. People are, people genuinely, and I mean this, are interested in how this process works of like the store. Yeah. So for people that aren't comedy fans, this,

check out now. I mean, it'll, we don't have to all talk about comedy the whole time, but this is going to be a good portion of it because even I'm interested. So.

Okay. I know you were at the Tempe Improv. Yeah. I went to Arizona State. I frequented the Tempe Improv. Yeah. I went to Arizona State. I frequented the Tempe Improv, only as a patron. And what years were you there again? I was in Arizona State from 2002 to 2006. Oh, okay.

So we probably had a little bit of overlap. I got there right around 2005 or 2006. And what did you do there? First, I was a server, and then I was a manager. You served? I did. There's no way people tipped you uh people tip me often and uh liberally really yeah oh sorry hit this hit the sign again and you're dead people hit people tipped you a lot yeah fuck yeah i was a great server i really was a good server you talked a good game uh i think i was just i didn't do the whole bullshit like, hey, how are you?

I was just chatting. I was like, what do you guys want? Why did you move to Arizona? Was it for, was it? I had to get the fuck out of LA. I was working at E! Entertainment Television. I didn't know that. Yeah.

What were you doing for E! I was receptionist. Really? Yeah. And then I got fired from E! Why did you get the job in the first place uh just why did i get the job i'm saying like because you wanted to be in the business nobody nobody goes i want to be a receptionist at e i needed money and i wanted to be in the entertainment

industry and that's a good entry point exactly perfect entry point i was probably like 19 at the time oh wow yeah and then i got fired from there uh me and a bunch of other employees this is like before the internet took off right yeah this was 1967 or 68 yeah what year was that just won the world series no we were uh we this was in like 2000 it was like 1999 2000 all. And we would email each other like the most fucking horrendous, appalling shit to try and make each other sick. It's just text. Yeah, it's just like text before text.

This is like, yeah, we were like trendsetters. This is like trailblazers. Before Two Girls, One Cup, we would send each other like German fucking porn, like people covered in shit. Love it.

Yeah, good stuff. Shiza videos is what we called them. Yeah, Shiza videos. All that shit. All love it yeah good videos videos all that shit all that fucking shit all that shit yeah and uh and then i remember there was a another receptionist that worked there and she was hideous she was the worst fucking person you've ever met you remember her name uh yeah her name was april and she you're a turd we hope you're dead she used to fuck all these rappers and then would brag about it and she and she was just so obnoxious what did she do there again she was a receptionist a lot of reception yeah yeah yeah and me and this other girl myla we hated we were like this is a nightmare and um so one day i was like i couldn't take it anymore i was like just shut

the fuck up nobody cares about so-and-so eating you out on your period and all this gross shit. And then she was fucking all these guys in the IT department. And then I came back from lunch one day. Does this girl have AIDS? I don't know. She fucked everybody. But I came back and these guys from the IT department were in my shit. And I was like, what the fuck's going on?

And the next day I got called into HR and they printed out all the shut up photos we were sending each other like 8x10 glossies of guys covered in shit and fucking and all that stuff

and you're like you can't dig into my personal life and they're like and they would just look at me really disappointed and they'd go to the next one and I'm like that's

but is it a work email? uh yeah bad idea I'll take bad ideas for a thousand, Alex. Yeah, what are you going to do? Yeah, you got to use a private email if you're going to do that shit. I'm fired, aren't I? Well, that was like, what was it called?

Tracking boards used to be back in the day for PA. Do you know what those are? No. Tracking boards now are what assistants use at like, why am I doing this? I can say the thing. No idea. Yeah, this is a tracking. Well, I'm trying to say that things are going from here to here to here to here.

Okay. You know. All right. I'm trying to say that things are going from here to here to here to here. Okay. You know. All right. I'm high. But a tracking board is what assistants will use, executive assistants use to like communicate in between different like agencies and stuff. Like internal CAA has a tracking board. Oh, okay.

That's a kind of the thing now. When I was a PA, same thing. It was email. And they also had an internal chat, like an i chat type of shit okay in our own network oh and that was shady because because every time someone said some fucked up shit i thought well this is owned by this company if they want to they could fuck us and this is pre-conscious social consciousness oh right This is like in 2006. 16. This is yesterday.

This is like when people just still weren't, nobody cared. People said shit and nobody was like, hey man, don't send that. Right.

But I thought about that all the time. And luckily, the guys that were in charge, that was the last thing on their mind. But I was like, I could have gotten fucked

so much. I can't believe I never got fired from that job. I showed up every day hungover, every single day. I can't believe you haven't been fired from literally every job. I've been fired from a lot of jobs. How many jobs have never got fired from that job. I showed up every day hungover. Every single day. I can't believe you haven't been fired from literally every job.

I've been fired from a lot of jobs. How many jobs have you been fired from? It was like the beginning of Mannequin. Remember Mannequin? Yeah. You just got fired from like 20 jobs. Yeah, every job. I got fired from, I don't know, four or five gigs.

Okay. But I've had like 30. All right. Before stand-up, I did a million different things. I'm pretty responsible, actually. Except for the email incident. How many? That was it. That's the only time you've been different things. I, I, I'm pretty responsible actually. Except for the email incident. That was it. That's the only time you've been fired?

And I always put in two weeks notice. Yeah. Fuck you. Really? Dude. Like when I left McDonald's, I told him to suck a dick. Well,

yeah, I can understand. That's because we stole money and food from them. Oh, that's dope. Come on, man. Hey,

hey, hey, what do we do? What are you out of your mind? Trying to fist bump me on this show? That reminds me. I got you a Corona gift bag. Oh, Corona gift bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what, hey. What are we doing? What are you, out of your mind, trying to fist bump me on this show? That reminds me. I got you a Corona gift bag. Oh, Corona gift bag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what do we got? Toilet paper. Thank you. You're very welcome. I got you some leftover cough medicine. Oh, cool. That'll be cool that your lips are already all over it.

And it's three quarters. And it's done. It's literally out. Green beans. Green beans. Green beans. Everybody knows green beans cures Corona. Oh, can you put zap Zap can you point that on

Put that here on the Let everyone see Zap Dude Have you seen American Gliders lately It's fucking phenomenal Can I pause you for a second Yeah A girl I went to high school with

Yeah Fuck Zap Was on the new Gladiators Fuck Zap She ate out Zap Get out Dude She was on the new

American Gladiators Oh shit they had a new one I don't want to look up her name Because I don't want to I don't really want to go through that process Yeah why would you No she was on the new American Gladiators. Oh, shit. They had a new one? I don't want to look up her name because I don't really want to go through that process. Yeah, why would you? No, she was on... Yeah, I want to say eight years ago, they did a newer rendition of Gladiators. No, did they? Yeah, they did.

Yeah, they did a remake of it. Oh, come on. Don't touch that. I swear to God. And a girl I went to high school with who was a... Are you looking at my sticker? Is it Gay Mario? Well, it's me, but yeah, it's Gay Mario.

Jeffrey Miles made this. That's Joe. First of all, it's Luigi. That's Luigi. Oh, shit. I'm Luigi. Oh, that's great. But look, American.

Hold on. I need to know. Gladiators. Okay, so look, 2008. That's when it came back. So 1989 in seven seasons. Okay. And then they did this weird resurgence in 2008.

And this is when a girl i went to high school with was a gladiator here you go two seasons in 2008 isn't that isn't that crazy hulk hogan and lalia ali were the ones that presented the whole thing shut the fuck up hulk hogan was the presenter hulkster was the get out isn't that wild i remember oh what's he was like an ex-raider linebacker or something like who did the first one um oh oh what's his name i can't remember oh that's so annoying mark something is it mark fuck it's gonna drive me nuts okay so they presented it malibu was the shit malibu was well dude long hair he always was the best at the tennis ball gun dude how great was that first time we were how old are you, much, much younger than you.

By like a land side. I'm 36. Dude, Adam. Are you? You're a dick. Dude, you're a dick. No, but I was being dead serious. 1983. Here's the thing.

I wasn't trying to be fucking a dick. No, no, you are though. I know you enough to know that that's you taking a shot. Yeah, I really wasn't. I swear on everything. But listen. I'm going to look her up. Keep talking.

I'm going to look her up. That tennis ball game. The first time you saw that. Come on. How? I lost my shit. I was like this. I need to be on this show. Yeah, I thought that was the, you know, you and your friends, we would throw shit at each

other going through like a gladiator gauntlet. Oh, yeah. I remember feeling like that was, oh, here it is. I found her. Okay. Jen Widerstrom. What the? Fuck you.

You're making that name up. Her name's Jen Wienerstrom? Jennifer Widerstrom. Okay. Widerstrom, dude. Look at this. what the fuck you you're making that name up her name is jen wienerstrom jennifer wieterstrom okay wieterstrom dude look at this did you corona this mic jen wieterstrom yeah we went to high school together she became she also appeared in the 2015 documentary why am i so fat the adam eaglet story the adam eaglet story okay we're we're we're doing this thing that i knew you and i were going to do because of how much I love you that we're going to go in 90 different directions.

Yeah, I know. Okay, sorry, sorry. So, American Gladiators is the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got me this. What else is in the bag of wonder? Oh, I got... This is a Corona kit.

If you get depressed, I got this book from Amazon. I ordered one, but they gave me two. Oh, it's called Feeling Good. I like this. It's for depression. And then i was going to return these i don't know if you need some i don't need those cables so put that back in the bag i don't want that okay that's almost embarrassing that you have those are you a are

you a okay boomer adam tried to give me a dude i'm literally red a red yellow still though still though you try to give me an audio cable like that's what is that for video games what is that for i can't remember. I was trying to put something in. But this, this, and this, these are all great things. Good. This you can throw in the trash. All right, fine.

No, I'll drink it. Honestly, leave it. Very good. Dude, we're all fucked. Is this the lean, by the way? Is this lean? You know rappers? No, it's not.

It's not lean? I wish it was lean grade. I want some lean, dog. No, it's not. We are all screwed, but let's get to Corona. It's taking up too much of my time in my head. Let's talk about anything else. So here, you were at E, you got fired.

Then did you immediately go to Phoenix, to Tempe? Yeah, then I went to, yeah, I moved to Phoenix. I moved to Scottsdale. Oh, where'd you live? I lived in Scottsdale. What exit? Off the 101. Dude, Thomas.

Raintree. Raintree, that's north. Oh, so that's like north of Chaparral. That's when I moved in withtsdale. What exit? Dude, Thomas. Raintree. Raintree? That's north. Way north. That's like north of Chaparral. Yeah, when I moved in with my college girlfriend at the time. Wow. That was when I left, when I was leaving college.

Fuck. I mean, the rest of the time I lived down by campus. I lived in Scottsdale. I lived in Old Town Scottsdale. I lived in Paradise Valley. I lived in Chandler, Ahwatukee, Mesa, Phoenix. I lived all over that fucking town. What?

I've lived there for four years in college. I only lived in two different cities and three different places. I was in two relationships while I was there for a decade. Stupid guy. Yeah. And you moved around. It was all right. And then I just moved around a lot.

I don't know. And then how did you end up at the Tempe Improv? I was looking for work, and I was delivering pizzas at the time, and I was like, fuck this. For this place called TC Luigi's. It used to be called Tessio's. It was right next to ASU. It was by Zia, Zia Records on University, across from Dilly's Deli.

Rest in peace, all those places are gone. Shut the fuck up, Zia's gone? All on University. Across from Dilly's Deli. Rest in Peace. All those places are gone. Shut the fuck up. Zia's gone? All that shit's gone. What a bummer. I spent so much time at Zia, obviously. Dude, I used to play in the basement of the Memorial Union. This place called Hoodlums.

It was a record store. I remember fucking Hoodlums. I mean, of course, that's gone for years and years and years. Yeah. Oh, wow. Dude, I spent probably more of my paychecks at record stores in college than... Oh, 100%. I can't imagine how much money i've

wasted on not wasted on music on the experience man but also i remember literally wasting an entire paycheck one day at hoodlums and then feeling really sick about it like like fucked up in my head and then realizing that it whatever that's way more relatable than it should be i was like what who cares what are you like what am i gonna do i'm gonna die and i'm just gonna skateboard home and i just will steal food from friends it was just like i'll figure it all out yeah simpler times so then asu so you're you were living yeah they're living pizza around pizzas and then i uh saw that tempi and problems hiring servers i went in and applied for the job and i fucking started working first weekend was mitch hedberg and then it was great you know crazy this is so fun wow that was the last weekend he performed before

he died yep exactly guess who was there lynn shawcroft you isn't that weird shut the fuck up i was there and henry phillips because that weekend flew back to he flew to the east coast somewhere right yeah did one more show on the east coast yeah and then that was it and that was it i was at that show for that's crazy and it was bad actually i remember it being terrible there were the first shows were great yeah and then he he was a fucking awful and i remember how much i loved him and how much it broke my heart because i was like a comedy geek and i knew i wanted to do comedy but i i didn't even come close to doing it this was really sad to see that i was

bummed out he was so fucked up and so tanked i know just in a weird bad place and i remember turning to the the person that i went with and i was like oh i don't because they didn't like stand they didn't know stand up yeah and i was And I was like, there's no way you're not going to like this guy. And then sure enough, I was like, fuck, this is not what it's usually like. I had that same experience. I remember I used to love Pablo Francisco. And then you saw him take a turn. Same thing.

I went to a couple of his live shows and watched all that stuff. So he was there. Mitch was there. He was there a lot. Robert Schimmel was like my favorite. He was like my favorite. He was there all the time because he lived there. That was your first week.

That was heartbreaking. That was your first week of... Mitch was one of the first weeks of you... That was my first week working. I think my first time at the 10-peer profit, I think it was like Kathleen Madigan or something. Love Kathleen Madigan. Yeah, she was great.

So, okay. So you're serving and then give us the next chapter of how you became a manager. Then they kept offering me the gig to manage and I didn't want to. I'm not listening.

I'm shutting this off. It's buzzing. Go ahead. I didn't want to manage but they offered it to me like three or four times and then I finally accepted it. Why do you think

they offered it to you? I don't know. They thought I'd be a good manager, I guess. No, no, seriously. I was a good server. Most people liked me for the most part. You have a keen sense of comedy that you won't admit.

Adam, you're very funny. Oh, that's sweet. Obviously, it's why you are where you are right now. Your sense of comedy is very specific and very good. And not specific in the sense that you only like one kind of comedy. I hate giving you compliments. Yeah, because I fucking hate taking them so much kind of comedy uh i hate giving you compliments yeah because i fucking hate taking well but it's but it's also it's terrible to give you compliments

because i don't it's just yeah you're annoying it's so lame and you're actually a loser i know i know the depths of how much of a piece of shit anyway no so so so they obviously saw the fact that you were kind of had ingratiated comedy and like you had ingratiated yourself in comedy like you were i don't know about that because the managing, that didn't mean I was the booker. At first I was just managing. But it doesn't matter. They had to have people that loved comedy that were managing.

Yeah, I did love comedy. And back then was kind of different. Like the turnover of comedy clubs had happened prior to there where people that just ran like shrimp shacks that opened comedy clubs, they all failed. So places like the Tempe improv stayed open because they were kind of the premier places of a rooms for good comics it was a great fucking club so you had to kind of be in you had in the know of comedy yeah that's not that's i guess that's what i'm saying okay yeah yeah i guess so

you're not a fucking loser nah i mean i think you are but i don't want them to know that you're sweet so okay so so you finally took the job as a manager. Yeah. And? And it was good. It was good for a couple years, and then I was just like, I was kind of over it. Like, the club took a huge nosedive, and the old owner, one of them was, like, really hardcore Christian, and he wanted all clean comedy.

Which is what you are as well. I know. You're a big Christian. All clean, no cursing. And then the other one was really hardcore, 40 years, 50 years in AA. Wanted it to be dry, no booze. And I'm like, what am I doing? I mean, literally, you couldn't have mixed a formula of not stand-up comedy club.

They're like, no booze, make it clean. Oh, you want to open a jamboree. Yeah. Like, just fucking do that. Why don't you just do a park poetry reading on that's insane to me yeah so i got i moved back uh to la where i'm from yeah and uh almost immediately within a month i i got a call and they said hey um they're looking for manager what year was year was this? This was in 2010. Okay. Or nine. 2010. And they said they're looking for a manager

at the comedy store. They want to interview you. So I came in, I interviewed, and I got the job. Wild. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

It's all downhill from there. But that was fun. Those were fun times, man. I remember the first time I saw you, I had an open mic. Yep. Monday or Sunday

because we used to do them on sundays and mondays sundays and mondays used to be well it used to be friends and family was was the big i don't know is that still happening uh nobody really does sort of yeah we still do it on mondays it's mostly just employees and then people but it used to be pretty defined everybody your friends and family and the comedy store was a way for you to get a recommendation from a comic who's either passed or has further along from you to move up in the ranks. Yeah. It didn't necessarily mean you would showcase. It really didn't mean much.

When I was doing it, it meant you could get more community respect, maybe. I don't know how the game works now, but it was kind of like- It's a little different. community respect, maybe. I don't know how the game works now, but it was kind of like, if you did well at Family and Friends, it was kind of like, oh, he's doing mics, but he's also doing Family and Friends spots, which it shimmied you through this system a little bit. When did you start officially stand-up?

2000 and, the first show I ever did was 05 in Tempe. Okay, so at that point, you had already been doing it for five years. But I mean, I moved to LA in 06 slash 07. That's, and that's when I was doing like two shows and not like really trying when I did it in college.

It, you know, I went to open mics that you had to fucking hear through the grapevine. One was a taco shop in Mesa. Oh, uh, Macayos. Is that what it was called?

There was one. They used to do one at Macayos. I don't know if it was called Macayos. I thought it was. They had another one. Maybe that's right. Geckoayos. I don't know if it was called Macayos. I thought it was. They had another one. Maybe that's right. Gecko, some fucking thing. No, that I know. That's in Tempe.

Yeah, I remember that one. But the one in Mesa, I don't remember the name, but it was like a, maybe Macayos is right. That's what they used to do all over. It was a bullshit, random, regular open mic. But those were miserable because there was no structure. At least in LA, when I got here, I was like, holy shit. This is like people actually trying to do stand-up and people actually going to watch stand-up yeah it was weird that blew my mind instead of being like why are you in my fucking restaurant right exactly we're so mad that we're i know so trying to watch the game yeah yeah in a fucking soccer

game yeah football yeah so so they i fucking i got uh when i moved here i um yeah oh six was when i officially moved to los angeles and really started like dig in and do that and then uh you were fucking great 2010 the first time i saw you and i would watch all the fucking fell off i don't know what happened it's been tough pablo francisco-esque i know, I do do meth and fall off the stage. But I rarely went up and told Tommy anything about any comics. I was like, that's his department. I didn't fucking deal with it. Tommy is the old manager of the comedy store. Right.

The old booker. The old booker for the comedy store. Yeah, but I made sure. I was like, this kid is fucking unbelievable. He used to- And I use the word kid lightly because, again, you're like three years younger. Well, but I was new in it. You were a kid at that time.

That's the word to use tommy the old manager of the comic store used to say um on my way out sometimes he'd go heard you did good heard you did good and i knew he was lying do you know what i mean like i knew you do tommy like fucking dana carvey's george bush yeah heard you did good not gonna do it that wouldn't be pretty another reference that no one on your understanding no but uh he used to say that to me but i knew it meant he would hear other comics maybe say a compliment of course exactly it had nothing to do with how he even saw me in that system of course and he you know he anyway i'm not going to get into the depths of that of that whole thing but that always bugged me because I knew he didn't really soak into comedy.

Like I know he didn't the way that you do not to do this thing again, but it's just different. You, you actually enjoy it. Yeah. I used to, that was harder around town because I don't know if a lot of bookers around town were enjoying it. Right.

Like people were overwhelmed and so are you, but I don't know if a lot of them, you know, the factory was a tough tough run because that was dane's house the improv was the most popular club in the city if not even in the country like people the improv was hot as a pistol yeah like i remember coming to la and not right away but like at some point in my beginnings, it would be so packed in there with, and I mean famous people. Sure.

Waiting to go to shows that it seemed daunting to even go hang out. I used to get nervous about hanging out. I remember consciously being like, don't say anything stupid to anybody. Right. Don't do anything stupid. You know, because it was like cool comics

and famous people were just kicking it. It was a fun place to hang out. Oh my God. So, backtrack. Back in the tempe improv you met page yeah who's now she does right she's the booker of the improv what was she doing at at tempe she was bartending at this great fucking dive punk like dive bar i used to frequent what was it and i met her there was called The Rogue. Where was that at? It was on Scottsdale Road just north of like the 202?

101. Well, the 101 would go up and then bend over. It was like north of the stadium, ASU. Oh, the 202, right on the other side of the 202. Yeah, north of the 202 on Scottsdale Road. The Rogue. It was a real hole in the wall. But I used to go and then I met her there

and we became like really good friends almost immediately. We liked all the same music. Then I used to go and DJ there on like... What's up, dude? DJ! Not that kind of DJ. Like I would just play like hipster bullshit. The Cure.

Yeah, I'd play a lot of C and smiths and shit like that uh it was fun i get to drink for free and then i got her um into the improv and then we were serving together we were waiting tables together wow yeah that was like 15 years ago now she's now she's booking killing it at the improv and i'm so so so i want to know it's so funny as well as i know you there's certain things that i'm like well i don't even know how how did the connection with norm really happen oh uh i met him at the tempe improv we used to we know that i want to know how it happened so we um just started talking we like all the same like uh our favorite show is faulty towers and we love i'd love fucking faulty towers and uh the british office we bonded

over that and we bonded over all we love all all the old film noir so we would just fucking rattle off all these old film noir movies from like the 40s and 50s and shit and then we both love playing cards so we would go after the show and we would go to casino arizona or we would go to this backdoor poker room in a in this like strip shopping center that was open after i was real shady yeah and it was like dealer's choice so we're playing like kansas city lowball and raz and badugi and all these fucking games what a lot of them crazy pineapple and all these fucking games and they're all like they're all like fucking ringers how do you know that how do you know any of these i learned i a lot of those games i didn't know before i started norm knew all that shit he's a fucking gambler he's a great card player usually usually guys

have one niche and they stick yeah it's like it's like hold them or omaha and and no and norm doesn't do that no he but i'm saying he knows all of them. Yeah, studs. You meet usual gamblers and they're like, this is what I do, this is what I know. They heard of other stuff

or they know other stuff, but they usually are like experts at one. He touches all the bases. Yeah. That's because he's an addict. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So was he good?

He was good. He was great. Did he lose a lot of money with you? I lost a lot of money. You would lose way more than that. Oh my God, yeah. What's the most you ever lost with i was like i'm all in and then i'm like wait what oh i have to have the lowest card in this game yeah but doogie but doogie yeah oh fucking ridiculous so you would go to these spots with him that's how you bond it yeah and then years

later he was like i want you to come work on the show with me yeah and then he kept saying they want me to do a podcast i'm like yeah absolutely of course you should do a podcast he should do he's my favorite stand-up of all time um right here he's my well i'm right no no i know he's most people's favorite stand-up of all time i mean i would feel like it's a great litmus test if you like norm then you get yeah i think most comics most people they wouldn't i wouldn't say that norm is the guy that comics go like i lose my shit with laughter over right but he's my favorite comic yeah that makes sense he's just a fun comic he is a great great he's a comics yeah he's a comics comic that's like the that's

like that's the way you go all right he is a comics comic um but but he's got to be somebody that he's got to be someone because he's very specific right and he's got to be somebody that he's got to be someone because he's very specific right then he's got to be somebody that is hard to wrangle randage yeah it's wrangle someone said who is it whitney someone am i right am i right oh yeah someone described him best they said uh working with norm it's like constantly trying to give a cat a bath oh my god that's really good it's perfect by the way that's what it's like when i work with bobby lee oh yeah exactly when somebody when somebody asked me about somebody said to me they were like um why did you even uh want to do the show with bob and i was like well i didn't i the a bunch of fans were like you guys should do a show i did it because it was

like a call and response i was like we should do a show people asked i didn't like voluntarily be like we need to do a show i never did that shit didn't like voluntarily be like, we need to do a show. I never did that shit. But we did the show. And I love how people are like, well, you know, what's it like with Bob? Like, is it this? It's like, what do you mean? It's like, it's a fucking nightmare. It's a full on.

And I love Bob. Yeah, you two together. It's something. It's because we're so opposite. Like Bob, Bob and I couldn't be more... Bobby Lee's car and my car, the interior of a car, not the physical brand, the make or model. The interior of a car says everything about a person to me.

Yours is immaculate. There is no dirt. Even if it's raining, I'm going to vacuum it out when I get home. Sure, of course. Bob's inside of his car. Looks like one of those... You know when they go on those reality shows and they find an old storage garage and they open it up?

They abandoned it eight years ago. Oh my God, there's like a skull globe in there? That's his brain and my brain is the same kind of comedy brain. We connect on the comedy brain, but it's interesting to me to see how the same kind of fun comedy brain can be totally disconnected from the life lifestyle brain right

i feel like norm's comedy brain is so perfectly um consumable by almost everybody yeah but i know his outside brain is the opposite he's i mean he's probably the smartest guy i've ever met i mean he just right he's just he's able to he's able to write stuff that that joe schmoe can can consume but the other side of his head is super complex yeah that always impressed me because i i i i i'm not like that like i'm much more organized but there are guys that are the opposite of me that are like it's a whirlwind and then comedy is wonderful. But then outside of that, it's just an, it's a,

it's a total who knows what's happening. Yeah. He's also a phenomenal storyteller. Like, like Spade too. Spade's probably the best. He's like cartoon storyteller. Norm though.

It's just like, he's, I don't, he's so unique. I credit him. So I call, I call my wife, my old bag.

Okay. It's like a constant. I do it on the show all the time. So I call, I call my wife, my old bag. Okay. It's like a constant. I do it on the show all the time. I say my head, the old bag, the old bag. And I would literally give credit to Norm because he does this old 1940s battle acts,

ball and chain. And it's, I am, it's homage to him for sure. It's not stealing. Cause he didn't say old bag, but I love that thing. I think that's so it's to me, it's homage to him for sure. It's not stealing because he didn't say old bag, but I love that thing. I think that's so, to me, it's like saying,

if you don't get this, too bad for you. Like, how do you not, when Norm does that, when Norm goes on Conan and he does bits where he's like, ah, yeah, the old battle axe, the old ball of chain, dragging me through the mud. If you don't get what he's doing then i can't help you you know what i mean like you then get off the train you're never gonna catch it yeah so after working you did how many seasons on netflix show two we did oh no we did one on netflix and then

we did like three seasons of the podcast sure broke that up into seasons i guess now is it something that norm would let's talk about this let's be real okay in the middle of the show in the middle of norm's netflix show yeah he had to publicly come out and do like an apology thing that was the day before they were releasing it so the day before the the season was going to come out yeah what what ended up happening was he went on twitter right uh no he had an art. He they interviewed him in a magazine. I'm saying, but he apologized on Twitter.

Didn't he come? Didn't he? No. First, we we went to we were in New York and we were in the green room at Fallon and this article came out. And then someone came into the green room, maybe about like we just saw the article came out and all the backlash started coming what did he say uh i mean people can look it up no i don't i don't recall specifically what he said he basically just said that i think it was right after rosanne and louis yeah and he you know was friends with with both of those people and i think he just said he was he was going to

put them in touch so they could talk because no one else can understand what they were going through at the time. Being shunned by the population. Seems pretty valid. Yeah. Seems very, very valid. Well, you know my stance on a lot of that stuff. Sure. My fans are the people that listen to stuff.

I've been very candid about that stuff, about my positioning with that stuff. Well, I have a career that I'm working on, so I still feel nervous and it's disgusting you're you're fine to feel that way here's the deal here's the real truth i'll take all the burden okay great i don't care because i'll stand by truth for me it's like i love that i don't care oh i love well dude here's the deal i get what you're saying but we can't be careful about how you really feel unless it's unless you're being like blind like in the sense that

Norm was just offering a piece of something oh he was just he got chastised for it it's so much reason and he had to come out and apologize it's part of what's wrong with the business and I'm not discrediting Netflix about it I'm just saying like the world surrounding us does this thing where they kill you for something so tiny yep and everybody else and and they've done nothing

in their lives yeah it's crazy if there was a microscope on anybody and they go well i didn't choose the business it's like hey man i i didn't get into this business to be microscopically picked apart i got in to tell you dick jokes for money yeah so don't fucking come at me when you get angry that i said a thing that you don't really like that's my biggest beef with the world of this thing thank god for these things i say what i fucking want i love that yeah and they get to come along with with that was the beauty of the podcast we could do all these things you guys had so many fun jokes it was so fun and did you feel like it was curbed when you got to netflix absolutely yeah they had their grip so neutered you know well because it's a corporation yeah you have somebody cutting your paycheck now yeah

did you and so did you feel like did you feel like the and this is not the shit on netflix did you feel like they were they were kind of like putting the harness on the show that it felt like it was getting less and less specifically but ultimately look this was we did the podcast for for years and never got a dime for it and the reason for that was because we wanted to eventually own it and uh and and be able to do what we want and and once once we actually had some saw some money coming in from it and we hoped you know that it would sustain and and and last a couple seasons i think ultimately we look netflix has a reputation for being woke yeah they're what do you mean they're the most woke yeah that's like

they're fucking it should be woke as fuck what's their what's their new slogan is netflix is a joke woke me up before you go woke me up before you go go i can't remember netflix is a woke yeah netflix is a woke that's hilarious yeah man i and whatever good for them that's their fucking model it's just not a cup of tea. I just, I just think, I just think when you were dabbling with comedians and Bob and I talked about it, you know, like when you get on a thing with comics, that's a corporate entity.

You have to know comics are gonna still be comics. Like, yeah, yeah. You're going to, you're going to like play by some of the rules, but because that's how you fucking get anything made. When people say sell out, it's like, what do you mean?

We're just trying to bring content at the biggest platform we can so everybody can have it. Yeah. Not just you and your buddies, everyone that you know. And there is a point always where they're like, ooh, we can't do that. And it bums you out a little bit because you're like, but we can.

You just don't want to do it because you're afraid you know i here's a great story to look up i don't know if you were fans of if you're a fan of married with children oh yeah it was one of my favorite shows oh yeah and i think the reason was the comedy was absurd oh it was so beyond what was going on that i couldn't believe it and there's a documentary that you can watch about the creators it's a white dude and a black dude and they essentially cracked the code of huh was it cohen somebody i have to look i have to look it up because i'm stupid it's fine but but i i'm stupid with names but they basically got rejected by everybody right

because they were like this is crass it It's disgusting. But he was like, this is how people view hyperbolized relationships in America. And part of it is real, by the way. That was what I was found entertaining about Roseanne as a Midwest kid, as a Chicago kid. It was like, I knew those people. Sure. I literally knew those people. Yeah. And people would go, it's such an exaggerated version.

It's like, those are real people, dude. I know those people. It's a fucking sitcom, man. It's a sitcom. it's like those are real people dude I know those people it's a fucking sitcom it's a sitcom but also those are real people sure so I know a lot of guys

that don't want to fuck their wives you know like Al everybody everybody it just becomes a thing where you're like this is not stop pretending like

everything is textbook perfectly lined up most shit the good thing about those sitcoms of that era was they told a story that was a little bit too real, quote unquote. It was like, oh, Roseanne was real as fuck. Oh, yeah. And so was fucking Mirror with Children. It was like, this is a real dysfunctional, fucked up, sexualized family.

That's a real family. But it shows, it just shows how like we've come we've literally gone backwards you know you know who writes and by the way now i should now to parallel again you work on david spade show lights out which is phenomenal oh one of the writers on that show and i were having a discussion i don't need to mention his name but okay that's because i don't need to fucking you know what i mean i'm not asking you to it's fine well i just feel guilty just i it's fine you could say his name or not. I don't give a fuck.

God damn it. No. We were talking about how TV's coming a long way. He's been working on TV for many, many, many, many years. In fact, I worked with him. All right. I worked with him. I'll say it.

It's Lance from Lance. Of course it was. Lance, if you don't know the movie Pootie Tang, fucking dude, get with it. Watch it. Pootie Tang's one of the best movies of all, but Lance is a writer on the show now. And this isn't bad anyway.

It doesn't matter. But Lance told me one time, we were hanging out after we did this pilot together, and I said, do you feel like TV is getting stronger or it's getting weaker? Like, I can't tell. And he was like, well, it's not like comedy.

Yeah, right. He goes, it's not comedy. The comedy itself isn't getting weaker like i can't tell and he was like well drama it's not like comedy yeah right he's not he goes it's not he goes it's not comedy the comedy itself isn't getting weaker it's just the comedy is becoming um fucking funnelled yeah funneled it's like less and less and less gets through yeah where it used to be he's like dude when i started on comedy it was like you could just flood it and think about the 70s too and then all in the family it's like and then you couldn't do what all in the family was saying in the 70s too. And then All in the Family, it's like, and then you couldn't do what All in the Family was saying in the 80s. But why?

And then, I don't know. See, that was what's weird. And now we're at, but now, ironically, we're at a point where this platform, podcasts and internet shows. This is like the new All in the Family.

Right, this is it. Say whatever the fuck you want. Because we know, people know, we're just fucking around. Just trying to take people's mind off of the everyday bullshit that they have to fucking endure and suffer through. About the idea that we're all going just trying to take people's mind off of the everyday bullshit that they have to fucking endure and suffer about the idea that we're all fucking shit lives yeah

we're all gonna are you living in your apartment sad by right now by yourself oh dude how many times a day are you jerking off uh not as often as i thought i would be yeah i know i don't i think no this is you know what it is it's the anxiety and the fear of the unknown. So what the fuck is happening? Do you have a Jewish mother? Yeah, I have a Jewish mother. But a Jewish mother in the sense, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. The one that's like overly concerned with everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She made me totally neurotic. Ugh, the worst mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The best mother. The best, but. Every Jewish friend I have, which is all my fucking friends, their moms are just, it's this weird, you know,

when I saw the movie Bates Motel, I never understood. I didn't get it. When I was a kid, I was like, why is this a thing with this kid and his mom? And then you get Jewish friends

and you go, right on, I understand every second of this. Isn't that a fuck? Isn't that a fuck? I never understood that really. I was like, why is this guy and his mom?

And that's why my apartment isn't the fucking Bates Motel right now. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey ginger fans, I pushed the sauce before in the past. I'm going to push it again. It's Buffalo Trace, my friends. It's the only bourbon with balls. You can see his nuts right there.

That buffalo got them nuts out. This is fine Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. I love this stuff. I've promoted it for a long time, over a year now, and I'm going to keep pushing it because I love the sauce. A lot of people hit me up. They're like, dude. I love this stuff. I've promoted it for a long time, over a year now, and I'm going to keep pushing it because I love the sauce. A lot of people hit me up. They're like, dude, I love this stuff. I just bought it for the first time. If you can find Buffalo Trace in your area,

please go get it. It is delicious. They also make Eagle Rare and Blantons and Pappy. They have a bunch of different levels to their sauce, but this is the one you can find the most. It is 45% alcohol. That's 90 proof. It's great jazz. Made in Kentucky in Franklin County.

It's wonderful. I've been to the bottling site. You can see it on my Instagram. I've taken a tour. It's wonderful, man. The people are great. It's family owned and operated since 1773. They've been messing around even through Prohibition. They were the only ones to get a license to keep on cooking through the bad times.

Also, I got to sit with their head, their lead distiller, Harlan Wheatley. He's the master distiller, I should say. I apologize. He tries to do non-conventional ways of making really good sauce. And I genuinely support it. I really do mean it. Not just an ad read. This is a real thing. I drink this stuff. I love it. I've drank a little bit too many of these, to be honest with you. But it's made from corn, rye, and barley.

And it matures twice as long as most bourbons do on the market today. It's phenomenal, man. They've got to sit in those barrels for at least eight years. It's a robust flavor that really, really does hit you in the back of that throat and warm up your tum-tum. It's distilled agent bottle by Buffalo Trace Distillery themselves, 90 proof in Franklin County, Kentucky. Buffalo Trace is

all American. It's family owned and it's fiercely independent. I highly, highly recommend you picking up a bottle today. Do the thang. Okay, back to the episode. Ginger. I like gingers. It doesn't, it's just the creepiest but anyway you are you so you've

succumbed to the paranoia yeah a little bit i go i ride the wave i have these waves of panic and depression and anxiety and then i'm like what am i doing who gives a fuck everything's fine look this isn't you're not i don't think you're wrong but it's but it is i don't know they say everybody we know will know one person that dies. Shut the fuck up. Who said that? Everybody we know will know one person? The dude that spoke on Rogan about the World Health Organization? They said, statistically, you will know one person that has died from it.

It's like Kevin Bacon type shit. Okay, so the death rate, though's that's that well dude we're gonna see two months of this three months of this yeah sure sure sure but the death rate you will know someone what's the death rate on this disease i don't know let's do there's actually you know what's so crazy there's a live website look at how fun this i think it's high in italy but then it was like one percent in a lot of other hold on Hold on. Coronavirus live death. Okay, here you go. Live update. There's

219,000 cases. There's 9,000 deaths. Okay. So I'm terrible at math. So 10,000, 200,000 divided by 10,000. What is that? It's 219 divided by 9. No, it's 9,000 divided by 219,000. What is that? It's 219 divided by 9. No, it's 9,000 divided

by 219,000. Okay, so that's... That's 4%. That's higher than... It's higher than 2. It used to be 2. It's growing, baby! And that's mostly elderly? Not that they're... This says...

This says, the highest amount of death cases in the United States have ironically not been elderly. They've been men from 35 to 40, Jewish from Los Angeles. I fucking hate you so much. Whoa, dude. I can't believe it. You're a fucking guy. USA has 9,000 cases, and there's 128 new cases today.

It does a daily case. 154 total deaths. What are we doing? Four deaths today. What's happening? Here's the deal. Yay. What's happening is... China.

The Chinese. Hey, man. I finally get what Fox News is doing. Dude, I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea. From the bottom of my heart, I don't think people are overreacting. I think the hoarding is wrong. I think buying stuff is wrong like that.

But I don't think the nervousness is overreacting. I think that's fine. I would condemn anybody who's buying 90 rolls of toilet paper. Yeah. You're an asshole. You're an asshole. Total asshole. You know what broke my heart the other day?

I saw a video on the internet of a mom trying to buy diapers, and she works paycheck to paycheck, and she can't afford to buy in bulk. And so she's bawling on the internet. And she's like, how do you expect me to fucking get diapers for my kids? So here's the problem. It's like people with money are hoarding like crazy and you're like, hey man,

ration this the fuck out. Take what you need. Exactly. Not what you want. I have. That scares me because I haven't done the hoarding thing. We went to the grocery store.

We did regular grocery store shopping. Yeah. You got to just regular shop. I know. That way they have time to stock the fucking shelves. Exactly. They're not going to run out. You're going to get all the things you need. Just way they have time to stock the fucking shelves exactly they're not gonna run out you're gonna get all the things you need just let them have time to stock but if you're panic buying if you're buying 19 cans of fucking soup like like it's the fucking doomsday

preppers are just like we're good dude i did this 80 months ago i'm good dude i just think you're they're fucking everybody else did you buy a bunch shit? I didn't buy a bunch of shit. I bought exactly what I need for like a week. A week or two. Yeah, that's what we did. We did about two weeks. Two weeks. Just about.

I have two weeks. Depending on how I ration it, I have two weeks worth of food. And I know I'm going to be able to get it. I'll be able to get it. It'll keep coming. This is a new question. People are trying to support right nearby, I should say. Not too far. Like a mile down the road

there's one of my favorite restaurants and they are having a tough time because I talked to the guy he's like dude even fucking carry out is dog shit nobody wants to carry out

they're begging people because they can't they can't have people come in anymore so they're like please order out please order out free delivery

oh that's all I do is fucking postmates well it's that's i think that's dropped tremendously i think a lot of people just don't want to even order out because they're nervous they're like what the fuck who's cooking my food where's the food you know like that all these you can go to so many sub levels of panic by the way we fight if you see fight club watch fight club once you should have been thinking about where your food comes from fucking 30 years ago. You'd be like, oh my God. I'm not somebody calming in the clam chowder. Yeah, dude, it's insane.

It's like the levels. We should always think like this. You're not going to die from a little cum. And I think that's the real- Well, you're not because of how much you ingest. I think that's the real message we're trying to get across. Is that your new slogan? You're not going to die from a little cum?

I'm not going to die from a little cum. Whiskey ginger right here. You're not going to die from a little cum right exactly right underneath yeah yeah no we're gonna be fine i hope so no cum's not gonna kill you no no this virus might kill you yeah yeah yeah but i mean cum won't kill you but statistically so you've been cooped up at the house when i when i texted you you seem you you tech you were your response was like you dude i went on amazon and just bought a bunch of shit dude i got I got a Kindle coming on Saturday. Is it coming though?

Amazon says they're overwhelmed. Yeah. They can't fill out these orders. I know. I did. I got some fucking adult coloring books. So it's going to be great, man. It's funny to me.

You know, okay, the one thing that makes me mad is that people online are like, day two being quarantined, cooped up. Most of these people I follow that are my comic friends, these idiots were cooped up all of these people i follow that are my comic friends these idiots were cooped up all the time oh my god that's all they did it's all yeah it's like what do you mean paradise like mark maron i would love to see mark maron be like i'm in my home

like i'm in my perfect sweet spot me coffee cats my garage like dude half the comics i know this is their fucking dreamscape is like not doing anything it does i do wonder how it's going to be in a week because i do i live in a very small studio apartment yeah it's very cramped and uh i i think eventually i think sooner rather than later it's going to be an official lockdown situation we're all going to be officially quarantined you really think so i do like how they can't go in italy and france where yeah you can't drive your car ticket if you get pulled over unless you have some sort of documentation.

Here's the thing. If they're going to be out giving tickets, that money should go to a viable place. There's plenty of kids that can't get enough meals. Parents can't feed these kids because they're out of school. Absolutely. So I think those tickets, if you want to find people, find people and put that money towards a viable place that's not a bad idea especially because the cops the police and those that are giving tickets they're subsidized by the government anyway so they can have a free reign when you work for the government the government can subsidize a

police force they can subsidize firefighters and paramedics and all these people that we need but if you're gonna fucking charge people for shit it should be going to somewhere else right you know what i mean it's like like every parking ticket should really go to like fixing a fucking bad community yeah it shouldn't go to more parking tickets no what the fuck that's what an insane i know that's an insane i i i got an argument with a woman i was doing a writing job for an adult swim show with derrick beckles you know derrick i don't know it's fucking awesome tv carnage so he's, he's hysterical. But Derek was doing a show,

and we were doing like a week-to-week writing job, and I got a ticket, and I go back out to my car when it's over, and I get the ticket, and I see the person writing the tickets. Yeah. I said, hey, man. Why?

Like, what am I, like 10 over the whatever the thing like i'm coming and he's like hey man i'm doing my job i respect that but also like why why did you take this job yeah exactly can you imagine any other can you imagine doing that job no you're miserable that's why i say i respect cops because at least when people talk shit about cops like fuck cops like dude cops still do good you're gonna need about cops they're like fuck cops it's like dude cops still do good you're gonna need cops when you're fucking

when something's bad wait till you have to call a cop yeah thousand percent no one's ever been like thank god for parking attendance I gotta have them you never know

well cause there was a whole thing going around on the internet about people that were getting tickets in New York for leaving their cars too long and I think I think they

oh cause of the I think de Blasio or whoever am I stupid? de Blasio right? I think that's him yeah new york for leaving their cars too long on on you know and then i think i think they oh because of the i think de blasio or whoever am i stupid de blasio right isn't that i think that's him yeah yeah they they they're they're wiping it away now they're trying to say like you won't get ticketed because we can't move your fucking car because where the fuck are you going exactly finally but that's the kind of stuff where you're like it takes government so long to catch up to these things i know when you're like why are you all the bureaucracy why are you ticketing people for for being a lot anyway i've tried to leave the house. Yeah, what are you going to do?

Honestly, can I be very real? No. Well, this sounds, people might get upset. I'm going to go golfing. I haven't gone golfing. But that's respecting. Yeah, we're nowhere near anybody. I'm going to go by myself.

I went to the beach today. See, you go by yourself. Yeah. I was at least six feet away from everybody i know i'm lucky enough where now this is a weird break in my tour i don't want to have this break i want to be fucking on tour but i haven't been able to go out and play golf or go hiking by myself yeah i want to go do all that shit i just want to get out by myself out in the thing i just it's so hard i took my parents bowling when I was in Chicago when I showed my show got canceled

and the bowling alley was like it like hurt my feelings it already it already is like a struggling bowling alley but it made me even more sad that I was like

this is like everyone's like I feel like things like that are gonna collapse oh yeah they're holding on by a shoestring it's terrifying yeah

I put all my money I was like I'm gonna be smart and for the first time in my life I invested all my money in the stock market about three weeks ago. Did you? Yeah. You did?

Seriously? Yeah. What did you invest in? I just diversified. Don't tell anybody, you fucking idiot. You're going to get sued. They're going to come after you. The SEC is going to kill you.

No, I'm kidding. No, I just, I lost at least 25%, I think, of everything I put in. Did you really? Yeah. No, but that'll come back. But I don't know. This one feels different because all these businesses are going, they're all closing up. I don't know how they're going to be

able to. No, no, no. The government's going to have a bunch of bailouts. They're going to bail out Boeing for like what was it, a couple billion? The entire population is going to be unemployed for how many months? Who knows? Yeah. This could be the next Great Depression. We don't fucking know. I don't know.

I don't think so. I hope not. I don't know, but I feel it. Recession, for sure. But we're all going to know somebody that's died. Yeah. Fuck that. Let's look at it like this, though.

How many people do you know? Do you know anybody with cancer that's close? Do you have anybody in your life with cancer or that's had cancer? Right now? I don't know. Well, yeah, that's a good point. That's kind of the same thing that I mean. The death rate for cancer is way higher.

It's like 100% almost. No. No, but you know what I mean? Not a lot of people recover from cancer. You know, I have a lot of people that I know with cancer. I've had cancer. That's touched so many people. Yeah.

I feel like it's a similar, and I'm being ignorant right now. The death rate for cancer has got to be so much higher than fucking four. No, but in the same regard, where you know someone that has it yeah but that's not stopping things from can things need to continue yeah so at some point things will continue yeah that's the way i gotta look at it otherwise i'm gonna fucking lose exactly and i gotta i gotta take a page out of your book well only because i don't i don't i don't ignorantly think that this is nothing, but I also don't know what you want me to do about it. That's a good point. There's no point in worrying about it.

What can I do? I feel like this is global warming. Right, right, right, right. I do. I want it to be better.

I don't know what you want me to do. I can only do, I could do literally so much. You're not the guy. You have a, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you honestly for the book. Of course thank you so much thank you so much thank you

honestly for the book of course i want to feel welcome i want to i want you to feel good you deserve to feel good so you are honestly you know i've always said you and theo and fahim you know you guys were my three and now you guys are fucking blowing up can you believe theo's blind all these years we didn't realize that the ovon is blind wow and fahim fahim is he's leaving the country what are you talking about back to mexico right where oh shit is for him going back to mexico that's where he belongs oh when trump said build the wall i said get for him out of here he needs to go all these brown guys i'm tired of his stuff i know he's gross tired of himself let me ask you a real legitimate question. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you really believe is comedy going to bounce back fine? From coronavirus? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Well, do you think that this was the bubble? No. My fear is when we come back. What do you think?

Well, dude, when we come back, are people going to be able to afford to go to live shows oh so we've been talking you and i have had this conversation late night in the store a bunch i've said there's a bubble yeah that's growing in comedy it's becoming massive it's gonna pop and i've said to you i never saw this as the reason no shit in a million years that would be something like that the economy that's my point my point was i said you'll never see the bubble coming you You know why I think comedy's safe, live comedy in particular is safe, is I think that people are going to spend their money on shit and they're going to need to fucking laugh.

They're going to need something. This is depressing. But after all that time off, my first thought is I'm not going to a comedy club. If I meet when I was making $27,000 a year, $25,000 a year, I'm going to, for sure I'm not going to go spend it.

I'm going to go, I'm going to get food. I'm going to get a bottle of booze and I'm going to drink at the house with a couple of friends. Well, the last, during the housing crisis. In 08.

In 08. People were fucking still coming out to the clubs. They were. But that being said, this thing. They didn't lose their job for two months. Yeah, they didn't. Six months. Who knows?

Who knows? That's what I'm saying. I called it with you. I'm not trying to be this guy, but I said a long time ago. Okay, well, I said, I go, the bubble is going to pop and I don't know how, but something has got to, what's happening is like the inflation of comedy is so crazy something has to feel something has to like level this out i don't know if this is it it might be all right let's let's switch gears because i don't want to get more sad no please in the listeners right now we're like what's what's

going on um when was the first time you got drunk oh uh probably ah it must have been like 12 or 12 you're looking at me like i was there i think i was 12 i was 12 you were 12 years old yeah probably 12 how old were you 9 9 14 14 okay the first time i got drunk first time i tasted a beer i was probably like eight or nine yeah uncles my uncles at barbecues i have 100 uncles and they all let us have beer. And we used to go to this place called Lake Delavan, which is like in Wisconsin. This is great.

There are, put that a little bit closer to you, by the way. There's a lake in Wisconsin called Lake Geneva. Lake Geneva is a cool lake to go to. Lake Delavan is like a little tiny, it's like the poor man's Geneva.va all right how far is that from chicago a couple hours a couple hours oh that's it okay no it's not bad and so we'd go up there and my grandmother's family had like a it's like a half bed half bath okay and 30 of us would go in i'm not kidding kidding. 30. My mom's one of 10 kids. So like all the uncles, all the aunts, all the kids. And we'd go hang out there.

And I specifically remember my uncles were playing basketball at like midnight out in the lit courts. And they're like, go get your dad's booze. And I was like, no way my dad will beat the shit out of me. Because he like hid booze in his travel bag. Okay. Yeah. And they were like, go get it.

Don't be a bitch. And I was like, I'm not gonna be a bitch, I'm gonna get it. So I went and got my dad's booze, which I knew I was gonna get fucked. Right. Like, you know, you're like,

I can't upset my uncles because they're the shit, but this is dad's booze. So he had this see-through flask. I can do it, I can see it today. And I grabbed the see-through flask and I remember looking at

how many lines, you know, the old flask had like, kind of like lines on them of how much booze was in it. Oh, yeah. I remember seeing the lines. I remember bringing it to the court and they were drinking it and they let me have a pug of it. I don't even know how young I was, but I remember hating it but feeling great.

Sure. That's fucking relatable. That was the first moment that I was like, this stuff is great. How many lines can i drink and i and of course then the next day it was all chaos and my dad was living and i blamed it on my uncles i was like they made me do it i fucking i was their little errand boy i wasn't gonna let them take the show but then they got butt naked and jumped in the lake and i remember at the time being like you know like my little ass tiny little boy penis they were like get in

dork and i was like i'm not showing my penis it's not full developed yet i was so nervous my little short tiny penis but in retrospect really weird uncles jumping in the lake together naked like i was like i'm not the weirdo you guys were definitely yeah weirdos yeah but i but um but that that that uh lake delavan memory singed into my brain i was probably i got i want to know how young i was maybe nine ten something like that because we were out late maybe that was the first time i ever tasted it okay but drunk wasn't until i was 15 yeah wasted yeah that was definitely 14 14 i was wasted 16 for me and what was what'd you do uh stole a bunch of yeah just same same shit just stole a bunch of booze out of the liquor cabinet,

went and drank it with some friends. And then, yeah, I just remember drinking a lot of vodka and then refilling it with water often. Yeah, that's the go-to for young kids. Flavored vodka. Oh. That became like a fad. Remember that became like a fad remember that became like a cool so bad when we

were in high school flavored vodka became a thing because prior to that it was just vodka and then at some point they introduced like smirnoff was like raspberry or or um apple yeah right right or what was it or uh bacardi the rum company had like limon yeah yeah they made it and iacardi Limon. And I'll never forget, chicks love Bacardi Limon. For some reason, when I was in high school, all our girlfriends, so I had a big puffy winter Chicago jacket, and we used to go to this gas station liquor store up the street from my high school, and I would put it in the sleeves of my jacket because you couldn't tell. We'd have somebody distracting, like a good-looking girl,

and I would put them in the sleeves of my jacket. Really? And our oldest friend, this kid, kevin i don't want to say kevin looked like he was eight he looks like he was 40 when we were 16 he would try to buy booze and they'd give him hassle i don't have my id on me right because you can't get in trouble we all had that one friend who looked fucking 40 oh dude it's unbelievable thank god for them yeah he's well god bless god bless yeah but he always would like try to buy booze but if you didn't have an id the cops couldn't really bust you because it's unbelievable. Thank God for them. Yeah, well, God bless, God bless. But he always would try to buy booze, but if you didn't have an ID, the cops couldn't really bust you because it's like,

you weren't trying to buy booze illegally. You weren't using fake ID. You were just being like, can I buy this? No, you're not 21. It's like, oh, but I don't have my ID. That's a great point. Yeah, no, it was smooth. But he would try to buy booze,

and I'd put it in my sleeves and my jacket, and we'd sneak out. I had four bottles of Bacardi Limon in my jacket. We'd show up like kings to parties. What a loser. You're a loser. Do you remember the first time? Did you throw up the first time you got fucked up?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Puked? Oh, definitely. Yeah? Definitely. I didn't drink vodka again for a while the first time I puked. You had to clean it out for a little while? Yeah.

I mean, every time. We've all been there. When you have like one really fucked up night on one particular booze. Is there a liquor you can't have anymore? Like, you're sober now. Goldschlager. Goldschlager is the one you can never have again. Can't do it.

Why? You got so fucked up on Goldschlager. I got so much Goldschlager one night. Well, I can't have any of them now. You can. You can, but you're... No, no, no. You're clean.

I mean, I'm putting it right in front of you. You're so rude. I know. This is going to be tough. It starts sneaking towards you as a show. What is this, by the way? Buffalo? Buffalo Trace.

Okay. Yeah, good stuff. Good sauce. I like it. I love it. Yeah, bourbon's great. I like Kentucky bourbon. I like American bourbon.

I saw an ad today for Irish single single cast malt Irish whiskey. They wanted $500 for the bottle. Get fucked. Get fucked. That was the slogan. That's what I don't do. I don't do Irish whiskey. But I've never been able to do it. Irish whiskey it's just it's never agreed with me. Couldn't agree more.

I can't stand it. I can't fucking stand it. It's the one that makes me just do you like scotch i love scotch oh my god at the comic store that's all i would drink for years was glenn libbitt glenn you always buried it well when you were drinking to the store i never really really knew you buried it very well yeah i was i was a big drunk yeah i was a proper alcoholic but in a way that wasn't but you were never threatening you were now no that's the thing is like people have jacqueline hyde syndrome sometimes and i have friends you never had that no i never saw you upset in a in that way never never saw you

angry in that way i never saw you yeah i i never really had that problem who so who who in your family was drunk oh my father my grandfather my uh grandmother yeah did any of them get sober or no uh my dad did uh my dad did for he went to betty ford yeah famous famous betty ford cured him uh yeah he never drank again but uh he got into pills those are way more fun i know easy to do pop your dad was into coke right yeah that's why i had to stop drinking coke but i also think coke but i also think other everything sure coke i think was the catalyst for my my dad's uh party you know what i mean like i think it was just like that was the beginning of who knows what we get into. Yeah. Yep. Which I, if you hung out with anybody who's done cocaine,

it makes sense. Myself. Coke is kind of like a, this is a, we'll get to Z, but I'm going to do, I'm going to do a lot of A. Yeah,

you're going to do, yeah, you're going to do, you're going to do all sorts of shit together. I think that was his, I remember when, you know, he'd been sober for a long time and I was 23 maybe.

And he was like, you know, let's go out. You know, we can hang out somewhere. And we went out. I was 22, I'm sorry. And we was at a bar by the house. And I was playing pool. And he was like, oh, you want a beer? I was like, yeah, but I felt weird about it.

That was the first time I felt weird. He he bought me a miller 22 or three yeah i felt weird because i was like i didn't want to drink in front of him right it was this really existential crisis that i was like should i not and he was very adamant that i learned later in year in my life about addicts that they're like no don't change your life just because i've changed my life that would be more fucked up for me so i had a couple of beers but i remember the whole time feeling guilty or weird about the whole thing and i was like why am i having a fucking beer in front of but yeah no that wasn't because that wasn't the issue yeah so a million other issues you know that's relatable that led to why i had to stop

drinking yeah i mean that and it runs deep in my family which is like rogan always makes fun of me he's like oh yeah fucking you're fucking, you're fucking drunk. I was like, I can go a long time without drinking. Just, I enjoy it. Yeah, sure. But it doesn't cripple me in a way where I'm like, oh, if I don't have one, I'm fucked. You know? Like, I talked to Swartzy on the podcast here.

He came on, and Nick. I love him. Nick is, Nick is happy that he's cleaned out of that shit. Yeah, thank God. But the difference also was, this is what's crippling and unfortunate about booze, he was never a bad dude on booze. Never.

Oh, my God. He was so fun. That's what sucks. The last time before this one, when I went on the wagon for about a year and a half before this last slip-on. I've been through all this stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been there. I'm waiting, seating in the wings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been there. I'm waiting, seating in the wings. Yeah, go ahead. The last time I drank to send me on that wagon tour was with Swordsman in Montreal and just drinking in the airport. Yep.

Drinking in the airport, drinking on the airplane. On the plane, drinking as soon as the plane. Drinking in the airport on the way back. At the Hyatt. Yeah, and then right to Barney's

and then all night at barney's and then the next day yeah i was like all right well i'm taking a year and a half well he can he can go but that that's the unfortunate thing it doesn't it doesn't choose like when you're like oh this is my rock bottom the unfortunate thing is some people they're just like still fun dudes yeah and there is no like i know i fucked a i fucked a dude and i choked out a midget and i fucking lit a house on fire it's like sometimes they're like no i just i'm good at drinking that that's that's been my balance of like if i can teach myself how to just control it in terms of because it feels up to me i could responsibly drink when i know i can all the time right but

i know it's just not healthy yeah Yeah. That's all it is. If I knew that it wouldn't always inevitably lead to cocaine, I would still be drinking today. You love cocaine. When I drink, yeah. It's always a good idea. Ew. You love cocaine. I can't help it.

How much cocaine could you do in one night? I mean, in my... Oh, God. A lot, you my p oh god a lot you know what's a lot i don't know i don't do cocaine um definitely i've i've had uh i've had instances where i've done well more than uh than an eight ball by yourself yeah um but but that's the dangerous that's a really dangerous part is if you take a lot of time off you can't do what you right you once did but when you were doing that much that's when i was doing a lot drinking that much too oh yeah wow yeah it was terrible and then i'd fucking drive myself to urgent care or

take an uber to urgent care in the later years uh wait really oh yeah wait why would you go to so many times because i thought i was having a heart attack one time i was actually having a heart attack at cedars-sinai They said you had a minor heart attack. Wait, so give me an example of the time you went to Cedars. I drove to Cedars, and I thought for sure I was having a heart attack. And I got there, and they hooked me up to an EKG. And the guy told me, you had a minor heart attack. And I came clean.

I told him I did some cocaine. This is why Jewish people shouldn't do coke. Oh, yeah. I've had a heart attack. I'm panicking. I told him I was, I did some, this is why Jewish people shouldn't do Coke. Oh yeah. Like I've had a heart attack. I'm panicking. I'm losing it. Oh my God. It's the worst.

I have horrible anxiety. You went to urgent care. How many times have you gone to urgent care? At least eight or nine. You've done eight or nine times in the urgent care because of Coke. And what do they say? They send you to fuck off. They fuck you off.

They're like, get out of here. You know? No. I mean, usually, uh, I, I, nine times the urgent care because of coke and what do they say they send you to fuck off they fuck you off they're like get out of here you uh no i mean usually uh i i i've only been honest about why i just said i think i'm having a panic attack uh and uh they'll give me something to help me calm down or whatever no offense to anybody but this is why i think we might beat this corona thing i'm just saying i dude i it might take us i might be dead from it in a month and i'm sorry but this is why I think we might beat this Corona thing. I'm just saying I do. It might take us.

I might be dead from it in a month and I'm sorry I'm saying it now, but like, fuck me. The amount of times that I've, I've had too much sauce in my body and ended up in a place. Dude, I woke up in a park bench in Tempe, had a bus stop, a throw up all over the place.

And I woke up and I was like, but I've lived. I was like, I but i lived i was like i think i might beat this corona thing i had those i had so many of those bad nights when i was in college i partied way too hard in college did you ever check your pulse uh by yourself in a room somewhere have you ever had that i i every time i sit down in a room for like an hour and you're like oh yeah i do that where I'm like. Done that.

The slow breathing. Yeah. And then I'm like, oh, God. I've done that when I'm too fucked up. Water in your face. I do that. I used to do that all the time when I was too drunk and too high. If I was too drunk and too high, I would sit down somewhere. I'll never forget.

I was in this apartment complex with my buddy. I won't name names, dude. You've named all the names. Yeah, but I can't this way. Okay. He was fucking yacked out of his fucking mind. And he was like, he used to play guitar. He used to play a fucking acoustic guitar.

People would come over and he'd be like, he's like, you want to hear Dave Matthews? And he would fucking do it. Absolutely not. And he would just strum it and bleed. He would bleed all over the guitar. I'm not kidding. And I remember I ripped this bong with these two other dudes.

It was like one of those gravity b gravity bongs that's what they're called i ripped the gravity bong after we'd already been toasted out of our head on sauce and i sat in the guest in the second room in one of their free rooms in the apartment and i had a panic attack for like 20 minutes i was like i'm gonna die but i don't want to die in front of my buds right i was like i I wanna die in this room so I just freaked out the whole fucking time and that was one of those moments

where you're checking your pulse and yeah the guitar guy it's like you wanna hear all along the watchtower but Dave Matthews version

and coked up girls were like yeah do it play it they were fucking out of their head and he would bleed he'd strum so hard he would bleed out of his fingers

those were the days ASU baby Oh, yeah. They were fucking out of their head, and he would bleed. He'd strum so hard, he would bleed out of his fingers. Those were the days. ASU, baby. The best school in the country. Could you beat it? So answer me one question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you really see as the future for you in the business of comedy?

Oh, I have no fucking idea. No, no, but give me some semblance of an idea. I don't know, man. What's a dream gig, then? Say it. Yeah, I'm yeah i'm just gonna maybe you know i'd like to produce maybe just i i don't know man you're not smart enough dude you're stupid i i am but i don't know what else the fuck to do man no you will make content and comedy you are very very good at it i think i think so i think i'd be a good producer i think so that that to me if you had a you know what's what's the white whale what's the big land like what would be the thing where you go you know what would be really

cool to do that produce film or produce television yeah film yeah yeah film i love film but it's because you're a hollywood kid yeah i am it's weird to grow up here and it is bizarre a little bit it's you have hollywood in your in your blood my veins and in my blood who's your hollywood blood say it my hollywood blood yeah who's in your family is in hollywood uh nobody no one in hollywood no one no one nobody but it's just embedded in you it is i've always in this bullshit i was born and raised in this horse shit and uh it's just what i've always loved i've always loved movies and uh television who would be the who would be the one director you'd want to work with? David Lynch. It's my guy. I love David Lynch, but I think he's done.

He might have one more. After the remake of Twin Peaks. You loved the remake too. I fucking loved it. I loved it. I love him and Kubrick. You're not going to make anything with Kubrick. I don't think I'm going to be working with Kubrick.

Who's your guys? Or girls could be a girl but it's not no i'm correct who would be the who would be who would be i it's over but i mean it's over no i mean in this regard i would be a fucking i would be a homeless background walk by for scorsese for fuck yeah i would be a um i literally i would be a guy who like tops off the gas in the background of a scene for scorsese i fucking i would do it for that guy yeah well like 100 that would have been the guy for me moving forward i don't know there's a million young talented young talented but i mean if you're talking about the history of what i loved about movies yeah i mean that would have been i don't know i mean that or like uh i wish i was in a penny marshall film because that's my childhood okay i wish i was in a john hughes film because that was my childhood yeah definitely those are all things that i can't get back right

well they're all dead you know like not all of them but a lot of the people that i love when i was a kid they're gone they're not making movies anymore. I know. So for new filmmakers, I mean, fuck, there's a million of them. I don't know. Jordan Peele, I think, is a G, and he comes from our world. Yeah, I don't get it. You don't like Jordan? No, everyone was losing their fucking shit over Get Out. Do you think it has anything to do with you not liking black people, or is that what it is?

No, I don't think that's it entirely. Because you do hate black people. No, I don't like, but in fairness, I love the Twilight Zone, but I don't was alright. Do you think it has anything to do with you not liking black people? Or is that what it is? No, I don't think that's it entirely. Because you do hate black people. No, I don't like. But in fairness, I love the Twilight Zone, but I don't like horror. I don't really like that. I guess what I mean is I think I'm proud of a guy who comes from our world. I love Key and Peele. I thought that was hilarious.

So that's why I love him so much. There's a million great directors. But I think Jordan is dope because who's a it's pretty rare dude to make that shift you know like right only a few guys have even no you're absolutely right bobcat is a director now who's a great director and bobcat goldthwait if you know who that is was a phenomenal comedian my favorite comedy of all time phenomenal but there's so many guys that don't make that transition that's a hard so i guess that's what it is for me it's like it'd be cool to to fuck with somebody who came from where we

come from comedy wise yeah he's not at stand-up but it's our world so i don't know man i don't know who my like um and i'm not even being political i really don't know who i would go oh tarantino would be fun but like yeah but like isn't he done he's done right and he's got one left yeah and I ain't getting those Safdie brothers they're fucking the shit

I love Don Kutchams you didn't like it no no no it's not that I didn't like it it's like you know you would like that because you're

you know you're one of them I'm a what I'm a kike I'm a dirty hook nose kike what did you say don't say that

that's not funny or cool at all Sandler he did that look what happens when you pull out money with these guys they lose their mind no i they're good too no they're dope too i just i like i don't think that's like my when you go like what would be the who would be the thing i could i don't know man like i i what do you have left to do dude by, by the way, go watch Dave. It's fucking great. Go watch it.

Wednesday nights on FXX and on Hulu on Thursdays. I watched the first three episodes. Did you? Dave, it's on FXX, right? FXX and on Hulu on Thursdays. I watched the first three episodes. It was fucking hilarious. Great job.

Four episodes. It's great. You watched four. But I didn't. I watched three. I job four episodes it's great uh but i didn't i watched three i watched four episodes there it is before the episode came out on wednesday oh fuck holy shit i'm all caught up did it really yeah today okay well there you go um yeah it was fun i'm doing that and then i hope to god i can get back to touring i hope you will come on man okay man well you know what i cannot, you called the last one.

I hope you didn't call this one because you called the bubble. Yeah, I don't know, man. We'll see. Let's do this thing. All comics are all, yeah, comics come on here and they plug dates. Can you plug some pretend dates into the camera real fast? Yeah, I'm going to be. Wait, hold on. Let me set that up properly.

Where are you going to be performing? What's going on? I'm going to be at Fuck Nuts this weekend. Let me set that up properly. Where are you going to be performing? What's going on? I'm going to be at Fuck Nuts this weekend in Wichita. Oh, dude, Fuck Nuts is so good. That's one of my favorite clubs. Dude, it's the best. You're doing four shows? Two shows?

Four shows at Fuck Nuts in Wichita. Love it. And then I'm doing Chuckle Butts in... When is that? Sheboygan. Well, in Sheboygan is open. The one in Schaumburg closed down. What?

I know. Don't you... Corona? No. Me open. The one in Schaumburg closed down. What? I know, don't you? Corona? No, me too. It's Corona time. It's Corona time. Corona, Corona, Corona. No, man, the one in Schaumburg closed down. Get out.

Why? Wait, because those brothers didn't show up? What the fuck? Oh, yeah, our two favorite brothers, our two favorite comedy brothers. We're never going to remember. Adam and I will never be able to remember, but we had two twin comedy brothers.

By the way, I shouldn't say this, but this is the greatest joke. There's a comedy duo called the Sklar Brothers. They're at the store all the time. Great dudes. Dave Attell had the funny... And they say this. The Sklar Brothers always quote this. The greatest and most hurtful intro that Dave Attell has ever given to the Sklar Brothers.

He goes, I gave it up for the Sklar Brothers. I didn't know boring came in monotone. In stereo! Oh, I fucked up the Sklod brothers. I didn't know boring came in monotone. In stereo. Oh, I fucked up the joke. In stereo. Dude, Attell called me yesterday. I apologize. I'm sorry.

Top five all time, Attell. I didn't know it came in stereo. Yeah, the comedy right now needs to come back because of what's going on. There's so many good comics right now. Yeah. I hope at the very least this whole thing puts things into perspective and people stop fucking worrying about words.

Well, how about this? I think after this thing happens, people won't, that's the beauty. I think people will be like, just give me comedy. Let's,

let's just have a good time. I think the restrictions will be a little bit less. I think so. But I just, I think people are going to be, you know, instead of the yonder bag for the cell phones, you're going to have people,

you're going to hand out masks. Well, after this, I'm going to go take a long look at that death rate. Cause I don't phones, you're going to have people, you're going to hand out masks. Well, after this, I'm going to go take a long look at that death rate. Cause I don't buy what you're fucking saying. Oh dude, I put it up on the internet. It's on the internet.

It's not me. I didn't do it. You're not going to die. And if you do, why'd you say it? Well, because I felt weird because maybe you, maybe you do die.

Um, speaking of which, let's shift it real quick before we're done. Yeah. So the other day I was looking, do die um speaking of which let's shift it real quick before we're done yeah so the other day i was looking on twitter yeah bored sifting through all the shit sure and i went back to some of brody stevens's old tweets oh and it's if you don't know brody stevens is a great comic he unfortunately passed away um and i got the call from you right yes you i had a call called me i had a call everybody and uh that was a bogus call um but i think in lieu of uh fucking dude he would

have been losing his fucking mind right now can you imagine Me tipping over the mic and he'd be like, Santino! No, I'm talking about the Corona. I know the Corona shit. In lieu of all that stuff, somebody said, man, this is a perfect time for stay-at-home online comedians. I was like, Brody

would have flourished. Murdered. He would have killed. Brody would have been the guy that wrote 50 of the best jokes of the day. He would have trended so hard on fucking Twitter. He was a guy who would come through Tempe when I first got there a lot. Oh, really? Yeah. Who'd he open for?

No, he would just come for like bullshit mics and stuff. Oh, right, right, right. But he never got a chance at it, yeah. I don't think he did you see any young guys that that were opening for somebody that later jessalyn jessalyn came to open for brian posain oh what a weird pair yeah bill burr he was like mc he was like it was like that um the uh ashy no no it wasn't it was the charlie murphy tour charlie i remember he would go up first and nobody knew who the fuck bill burr was and i was like it's fucking unbelievable

was he well received or no uh he always did well but i remember seeing him and i was like he's going to be he's already unbelievable yeah and then you know donnell killed and then charlie you know charlie's dad okay so be careful yeah yeah all right no but but that so so bird that's a good that's some good name jessel nick yeah yeah i remember that specifically i never got to open it i remember like bj novak opening up for like bob saget or something right there was a slew of guys that opened for bob yeah like there was a bunch of different young comics that got to open up for bob that finally like kind of cracked from that yeah same thing with like um paulie paulie would bring up so many guys i mean paulie everyone Yeah. Like there was a bunch of different young comics that got to open up for Bob. That's a good point. That finally like kind of cracked from that.

Yeah. Same thing with like Pauly. Pauly would bring up so many guys. I mean, Pauly, everyone, a lot of guys that we know opened for Pauly over the years. Yeah. And they became. Did they? Who?

Oh, Ren Azizi. Didn't, didn't, didn't Bobby open for Pauly? Oh yeah. Bobby for sure. What do you mean? Ingram. Yeah. There's some, there's Bobby for sure. Ingram. Yeah. There's some, there's some fucking hitters in there.

Yeah, absolutely. Watch your tongue. No, that's a good point. That's your fucking tongue. No, I just,

the comedy circuit has a weird way of, and I'll tell, let me tell one quick story. Cause it just came into my head. Cause of the booze. There's a comedian named Billy Gardell. Billy played Mike, Mike from Mike and Molly with,

um, why can't I think of her name? Melissa. And I will say the, the, the coolest thing he ever did. Billy played Mike from Mike and Molly with, why can't I think of her name? Melissa McCarthy. Oh, yeah, Melissa. And I will say the coolest thing he ever did, I walked into his room the first time I ever featured, because I never got to feature anybody on the road. That's what I was trying to say to you before was,

nobody took me on the road. Back then, it was just a different, it was hard to get in. It was hard to get on the road with somebody. It's tough. Rogan's great with that. Bobby was actually really good with that. Days now have changed.

Yeah. Bobby was always good about that. Well well now days now have changed yeah bobby was always good about that well now i'm a headliner and i fucking open for rogan now isn't that funny it's like i'll open for him now because i love it and but back then i never i never got a chance when i was a real feature i never got the feature and uh i just nobody linked up with me and billy gardell billy well it was fine i was better than most of the headliners we'll be right back after this you really were no but but it was just billy gardell let me headline and let me open for him they were like oh there's a guy from that's from la so he let me open for him and i gotta tell you the coolest thing he ever did i went inside the green room and jimmy

schubert was in there i didn't know jimmy schubert at all and billy had like five or six people that like came into the green room to hang out and i immediately got up and started to walk out because i got nervous i was like oh dude i gotta get the fuck out of here i have no business being in here it's his room i was quietly sitting in the corner by myself and then when they came in i fucked off because that used to be the rules man play by the rules exactly billy like grabbed me by the shoulder or like oh he grabbed me by the neck i remember he grabbed me by the neck and he's like where are you going and i was like oh i'm just gonna go fuck off and get a drink or eat some food or something and whatever he's like why i was like oh i just i'll get out of here you guys i have the room and he was like no sit down and uh one of his

buddies had taken the seat that i had got up from and he was like are you are you getting up because these guys are here and i was like yeah i, yeah, I can get out of here. I was being very cordial. And he goes, no, that's insane. And he points to his buddy and goes, get the fuck up. He was sitting there. And he goes, you don't leave just because these guys are here. You're a comedian.

This is our room. That is so fucking cool. Yeah, Billy Gardell. I will say that one of the coolest fucking, and it was just, you know, he could tell that I was, you know, trying to be like, oh, I should get out. There's no, I'm the feature. I shouldn't be in this room.

That was the old rules. Now, you know, the fucking feature will do an extra 40 minutes. What a fucking great dude. What did I do? Yeah, exactly. I love hearing stories like that. Billy Gardell is such a fucking cool dude. He's a good dude.

He's such a cool dude and did that. And he was so genuine about it that he was like, no. And his buddy was like, what? He was getting up. And he's like, no, get the fuck. He's like, he was like no and his buddy was like what he was getting up and he's like no get the fuck he's like he was sitting there i he just did the thing that i wish it happened more today yeah like a hey man we're all a part of this game there's a thing you know it's a respect thing but anyway i'll never forget i will never forget that of all the things of all the people i've worked with that are way

way above me those are one of that's one of those moments where i was like that dude's a good dude yep he's a love hearing that love seeing yeah he needs tempe the greatest dudes that came through there it was shimmel for sure colin quinn david tell and um spade spade's great to everybody who spade who is spade yeah he's good dank i love him by the way i've done a few episodes i'm gonna keep doing more go watch david spade who is spade yeah he's good dang dang david i love him by the way i've done a few episodes i'm gonna keep doing more go watch david spade show on comedy central adam is one of the uh you're a producer on that show booker booker yeah well that's a producer isn't it just a booker watch the show on comedy it's a great show no genuinely i do think it's fucking phenomenal there there is some great comics that they put on that.

They feature a lot of people. They do it differently than most shows of that ilk. Go see Adam at the Chuckle Fuck Hot. Fuck Nuts. The Fuck Nuts. And go see Farty's Magooby. Chuckle Butts. Farty Magooby.

Farty Magooby. Farty Magooby is in Pacoima. He's out here. So go see the guy. Go to his website. Imajukuk.com and check him out. All right, here's how we end the episode.

You have to look in the camera and you have to say a word or a phrase to end the episode. And you have to wait till I get off. You say one word or one phrase. You can think about it right now while I sip this whiskey. But you're ending the episode.

A word or a phrase from Adam Egan. And this is embedded on the internet forever. So think for a second. Don't say it yet. A word or a phrase. I'm walking away. Go ahead. Death rate.

In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy five dollars for the horse gingers are hell no

this whiskey is excellent ginger I like gingers