Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Adam Ray's Kelly Takes Over Whiskey Ginger!

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel. This week Andrew Santino sits down with Kelly, one of the unforgettable characters from comedian Adam Ray’s new Netflix series The Adam Ray Show. And Kelly came ready to talk. Santino attempts to get to know the woman behind the mystery as Kelly dishes out opinions, asks the important questions nobody else has the courage to ask, and generally makes herself at home at Whiskey Ginger. It’s part interview, part therapy session, and part whatever the hell Kelly wants it to be. Check out The Adam Ray Show, now streaming on Netflix:https://www.netflix.com For Adam Ray tour dates, Dr. Phil LIVE, and more:https://adamraycomedy.com Follow Adam Ray:https://www.instagram.com/adamraycomedy Follow Andrew Santino:https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger:https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #AdamRay #Kelly #TheAdamRayShow ========================================================== This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL Play Daily Dingers and make your FREE pick on who’s hitting a homer. http://fanduel.com/whiskey LIQUID IV USE PROMO CODE: 2026WG FOR 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER http://liquidiv.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli-meat products for always $3.75. And get Life Brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready, with a whole world and more. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave series presented by FanDuel. Hey there, fans, I am not touring anymore this year. I am going to tour next year, and if you want me to come to your city, please comment down below on this video or wherever you are watching this from and say,

Hey, come to my city, please, because we're organizing a tour right now for next year to come to your towns. All right, enough rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive.

You only $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger I like gingers Ladies and gentlemen Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger My guest is one of my favorite people

on the other I say that for all my guests but I made him once again today It is Kelly Moore Hey YouTube Hey well it's more than just you It's more than just YouTube We're everywhere

We're streaming on all platforms Available for podcasts Oh my God Hey Pandora Hey Tobe Hey Craigslet Do you guys still fuck We don't do Craigslist

No we stopped doing that A little while Well, Craigslist had a video platform. Do I? People don't remember this. It was like early days of C-List. Like, yeah, I was like, oh, misconnections. Ooh, let me buy a couch from a pervert.

And then all of a sudden it was like, you could upload your, like, I had a friend who was like doing open mics. Sure. And he used to open for Dan Cook. And do you know Vinnie Fazline? Yeah. So he would upload his stand-up clips to Craigslist. Wow.

Which at first I was like, fucking, okay, amateur. And then he got like, he got booked to like the comedy union and the ha-ha. and then flappers let him headline. And next thing you know, he was like, just he's like, he's very funny. So, but Craigslist was like for a long time, just like the place where you went to like get murdered. Not anymore, though.

No, now that's just outside. That's just outside on the streets. Kelly, thank you for coming on the show. Give me a little cheers, Kelly. Would you like to have a sip of something? I would like to have more than, you sound like my college boyfriend. Where'd you go to college?

So it's a long answer. Okay, well, you can shorten it if you'd like. Northridge Community College. Oh, that seems pretty quick. I grew up in Lake Forest Park, Washington, I was born in, I guess it's, I guess outside of Delaware. And then my dad moved us to Lake Forest Park, Washington when I was three. And then I went to Evergreen Community College in Washington for like a year,

transferred to Northridge, la-di-a-da-a-da-a-da, over-the-pants-hand jobs. And then I quit because I was just like, college is so like, I don't know. I don't do kids watch this? Adults, usually. Grown adults usually watch a show. Do you like it? What the fuck was that? Ruffy Kalata?

No, first of all, that was just a little bit of George C. Stagg. It's a delicious bourbon. No, it's... Okay, so... What do you want? We have buzz balls in the fridge. You want one of those? Okay. Take me to dinner first.

Where'd you like to go? Oh, my God. No one ever asked you that, do they? I don't want to, like, get emotional right now. Please. I've never... You never been kissed. Well, I have, but usually guys just put it in first and then they kiss me.

Oh, my God, Kelly. But I've never been taking to dinner. I would love to take you to a dinner. I don't even believe you because I'm not triggered by it. Kelly, I'll take you to name a place that you'd like to go to dinner. Chick-fil-A. I'll take you to Chick-fil-A. What's your order?

The spicy nuggets and the regular chicken sandwich with double cheese. Yeah, that's a good order. I would love to take you. I'm sorry. So my cycle has been wild this past year. Do you... You're not... You're not...

I'm 44. You're not in menopause? I'm 44. Oh. When's menopause? It can start for anybody at any time. I just didn't know what... I didn't know your age, to be honest.

You're much younger than I thought. What did you think? I thought in your mid-50s, early 60s. I'll take that. Cougars are coming back. A rare. Yeah. Was that a cougar?

I think so. I think so in a while. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if they're there anymore. What is menopause? 45 to 55. No, it starts right around now. Okay, so I get the year of fucking,

ooh, it's really, it's Kelly Summer. It's Kelly Summer. Which was my old name, and then I changed it. Well, it's, Kelly Moore was my name. I changed it to Kelly Summer because I thought it was, when I first came to L.A., can I story time? Please. When I, when I, what?

Nervous. When I first came to L.A., I just, I didn't know really anybody. I met, like, you know, You know, again, like random comedians. Like, I was trying to do acting, but then it was like, every Starbucks you go to, there's a guy that's like, I have a camera and a portfolio, do you want to be in my, you know, it's just. One on LaBraya, I've been there.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. And I took the photos because I'm, like, you need to build something out of nothing. And I literally had a backpack and some lip gloss and some stridex and, like, some magnum condoms. And that was it. You're basically Dora.

That's Dora. She was a slut, wasn't she? I don't know. But, I mean. She was like, me. who gusta. I don't speak Spanish. That's okay.

So I was out here just doing my thing, and I met a lot of athletes. So you were big in the athletic community. They loved you. Oh, you could say that. I mean, let's just say that I should have my own trading card from tops because of the amount of bottoms I've been. Wow.

Clip it. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to say who I've been with. You should. Okay. Well, let's just say they don't call him. the big hurt for nothing. Frank Thomas. No, fucking Jim Thomas, the Wendy's guy, or what's his name? Dave Thomas? Yeah. You did him too. Before he died. God bless. Also Dennis Haskins. Dennis Haskins. I'm going to ask you some rumors. I've heard about you, Kelly. Look, we don't know each other that well.

I met you through my very, very, very close friend Adam Ray. You of course are on his show on Netflix. You do like a cameo? Is that? So he's doing this show called Adam Ray show. Clever title. It's a little hack. Jew bag or something. Oh my God. Take that. that out. No, no, leave it in. Oh, my God, take that out. No, he's Jewish. It's okay. Oh, fuck. It's okay. Okay, so I, okay. That's okay. So he has a show on Netflix, the Adam Rachel. It's him and his characters and he's got multiple personality disorder. So he's always like, look at me. And you're like, be yourself. So, but I know

you did it, you did an episode. I did an episode, yeah. So funny, by the way. Thank you very much. You're so, you're so fucking funny. I'm married, Kelly, so back off a little bit. Okay, well, I'm by. So... That's not... Okay. Well, like, how do you know I'm not into, like, your wife and not you? Because I'm into girls, too.

Are you really? Well, I said that before I really thought about... It's got to be depending what girl. Like, you want to know what kind of girls I'm into, and then I'll get back to the Netflix show. Got it. Name a type of girl you think I'm into. Uh... I think you're into somebody like Zendaya.

Close. Black, yeah. But go bigger and taller. Venus or Serena Williams. Oh, God. Bigger. Bigger. Not Citibe.

Which, by the way, sounds like its own, like, department of shape. A Cidabay. A Cidabay. You go to, what's the mattress store? Yeah, sleep. A sleep number? I don't know, whatever your sponsor is.

Yeah. And you go, can I get a Cidabay? And they go, we have to take you to the other store. Who is that? That's the guy that works there. Yes. So. A kind of girl that you'd like, I would assume, would be somewhat bigger than that.

Let me give you this. Female Black rapper. Who do you think of? I think of Nick and Minaj. Oh, bigger. Not like bigger star size. Like, bigger like, you know, she's like, she could go with us to Chick-Villay

and probably slam a couple of spicy nuggets before we even order. Missy Elliott, pre-GLP1. Nope. Glowzilla. I don't know who that is. That's somebody I made up, I think. Oh, my God.

Sorry. It's that easy, right? Just say a rapper. Go fucking Tampon Jax. She's really good. She is good. Yeah, she's very good. And her debut album is coming out.

Tampon Jax, go get it. Her debut album, it's called. Sports It Harts. Oh, that's so. funny. I was going to say going with the flow. Going with the flow. Very good. You're funny. Thank you. Um, so, you know, sometimes you meet somebody. You're just like, I feel like a chemistry. I did, I did feel the same thing when you walked in. Queen Latifah. The Queen. That's my, that's my, like, if I'm going to go gay, it's like, that's your Hollywood crush.

I'm going to Burger King at Queen Latifah's house. And we're having a fucking, a whopper. Yeah. Well, I'm going to eat her. But, um, oh, so did Adam Ray Show? Did I interview the new on the block in Vegas. I think the episode's out now. It's fucking... And you guys are huge... You're a huge fan. I'm a huge blockhead.

Like, if you can see the girls, like, they're covered in new kids and some other stuff because, you know, I... Joey was nasty. Well, not the band, but, like, they have... There's always, like, husbands or stray guys that go to the shows. Because it's a woman festival. Right. They're cruises.

It's 3,500 horny, drunk fucking chicks. And so I met a couple guys that were just like, I'm gonna go to the new kids on the block show and fuck it. and find a fucking, find a fucking chick. Whoa. Yeah, so. So,

so you got, you got what you needed. I got what I needed. Yeah, you know that song? It gave you just what I needed. I got it. The cars.

Little than some, or little more than I needed. But so, anyway, did that, and then I interviewed John Stamos for his Netflix show, and I think that comes out soon.

Wow. But it's like, Netflix is cool. Like, it's always my go-to at night, like, murder docs, which like,

I'm now, I can't really, I can't watch murder docs in the night anymore. I have to watch them in the daytime. Do you live alone? See, this is what I'm talking about. I listen to this murder podcast, and they say, if you're going to tell people

that you listen to a murder podcast, don't tell them personal information about yourself. I guess I told you I'm 44, but... I'm going to know an awful lot about you in the short little time that we've been together. I live alone. Actually, I'm an open book. You know what? I want my memoir title that will be called?

Fuck it. Fuck it. And then, which means like, this is like take it or leave it which could also be a title but like this is take it or leave it because like these things cost how much you think these things cost oh I don't comment about stuff like that

I don't uh what is it 1993 just look at my tits and guess a price Bob Barker thanks Carlos one dollar by the way he's hot don't hit on Carlos he's not he's not that's another name of my book don't hit on Carlos yeah and then everyone has to

wait till chapter 30 to find out who the fuck I'm talking about you're an interesting Carlos, you're not an opening of the book chapter. Well, he could be. You could be. Thank you. Just focus on us. You don't need to keep hitting on Carlos, Kelly.

This is good, by the way. First sip, yuck. Second, yum. Third? Let's go. Right? You have seen my Instagram. I've seen your stuff, yeah.

When I go to any sort of like, I don't know, karaoke bar or rave, I've got into raves big time lately. You're a big raver. Oh, yeah. Do you use? An abuse? Yeah. What am I? a fucking

sober person. Well, I didn't know. Do you go to raves and you do Molly and stuff like that? Molly, Coke, Ecstasy, shooters, boomers, cooters. Oppers? Uppers? Downers.

Here's a thing. Dr. Fauci's always like, don't do drugs. Is that what he says? I don't, I didn't read his book. I didn't either. But I saw him in a clip and he was like, do the drugs. And I was like, I'll do the drugs.

Thank you, Dare Officer. Right. Because they were always trying to dare you, basically. That's what they were doing. Is that what the dare meant? Dare you to do drugs. That's how I took it. How did you take it?

It was a drug abuse resistance education is what it was an acronym for. So I took it pretty literal. Yeah. Do you remember the first drug you did? Take me back to Shetown? Chicago, yeah. Awesome. First drug I did.

Marijuana. Awesome. Very fun. It's still so fun. And then right after that I did, I went right to heroin. Oh, God. I feel like get the other stuff out of the way. I'm saving heroin for it.

I'm like 85. I'm just going to go fucking buzz balls and shoot and heroin balls. Yeah, big ball. You like balls. Well, like, think about it. If I'm still fucking in my 80s, I don't want to, like,

I want to be on drugs when I have to look at some fucking vainy shaft. I feel that. Like, now you look at a cock and you're like, you know? But when you're 85, you're like, what is it? You don't care.

No, you're like, bring it on. I've seen playgrounds that look worse than this. Okay. I mean, yeah. You know, you strike me, Kelly, as somebody who's very secure with themselves. Oh, my God. That's welcome to your 40s. Oprah and Jennifer Aniston always said 40s are the new 30s.

And at first I was like, okay, I mean, why would I listen to you? Like, you propelled Dr. Oz and you, Aniston, you, you know, have enabled a lot of people to do some wild shit, you know? Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, there's like, there's a whole underworld. Have you ever heard about the freeway that celebrities? can use the freeway the underground tunnels that celebrities can use there's tunnels in New York I've heard about those oh no like will Smith it famously you and I think all the

Fresh Prince cast use this underground tunnel Carlos hit me the one the one under sunset boom the one under sunset you know where Katsui is yeah boom there's a tunnel there boom where does it go that was so fucking rude but I blame your what is it Pechooly oil. That's a little pechooly in there. You know, Mark Marion uses a pechooly oil. You can smell him when he's coming on the hallway. The comedy store. Lock the gate!

Because he doesn't want you to smell his fucking pachuli oil. Oh. Sorry, Mark, I love you. I met a bit, um, a compadre once. Did you ever hook up with Mark? Somebody told me you hooked up with Mark. You did. You did.

No. So, yeah? Let's just say, I locked the gate. And I met Obama. Wow. That's what he calls his penis. That's what Mark Marin calls his penis Obama. Yeah, it's fucking wild.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, want to get inside your pussy. Is that, that's kind of what it was? Do you have to have an Obama if you're from Chicago? I mean, maybe, I think so, just because of the pride that we have for our city and our people. You're like, it's cool that you're, like, definitely, like, the Chicago guy now. Like, you're, like, the golf guy. Like, I watch your golf show. Yeah.

And I know that, like, I know that, like, you're, like, in that world now, which is so cool. It used to be Nate Paragazzi, and then he went to the white guy. house and everybody was like uh-oh but now it's like but now it's like you've always been you're just more also like i've seen you with like travis kelsey which is so cute like all the guys like you're you're just like the fuck you're so fun i'm just trying to have fun you're just trying to have fun and that's all that matters in life live it up suck it up spark one up burn one down you you have a lot of fun oh my god you're one of these people that i know adam has told me a lot about you about the stuff that you get into and i did hear that you also have a big big heart

Now, your tits are huge, but your heart is even bigger. Because what I've heard is... Great book title. Tits are huge, hearts bigger. I've heard... I'm like a reverse grinch. You give the gifts out. You don't steal.

I put out the gifts under the tree, wink, wink. You're putting out a couple gifts right now. And thank you for that. Call me, Mark. Let's unwrap them. Yeah, I mean, Adam's a fun guy, too. Like, you guys are one of this... No, I've known him for a long time.

He's a really wonderful guy. He's a very talented, funny comedian. but I will say they just get like they're they get in the way can I be honest I asked a doctor for bees he was like did you say G's those are G's oh they might be fucking

triple X's I mean the G forces out of those things gotta be incredible like Vin Diesel's head they kind of do do you have you heard his rap song Vin he raps Diesel not Baker yeah oh I had no idea yeah Vin Diesel wraps it's not great but it's not bad here's the thing Jamie Fox sings why can't Vin Diesel sing like when actors

want to make the switch. Kevin Bacon has a band. David, DeCovine has a band. Sutherland. Kiever Sutherland has a band. And who's got the best band, though? I think the Bacon Brothers. Rick Moranis. Shut the fuck up. He has a great band. He has a band. He plays in New York all the time. What are they called?

What are they called? Honey, I shrunk the band. Recess monkeys. Recess monkeys. Home run. Absolute home run. Yeah, that's the Barry Bonds of bands because that's a home run. B, B, B. B. B. The Barry Bonds bands. I've heard that you are someone who is really kind with animals. You're a vegan or a vegetarian? I go back and forth.

So, like, I had some salmon today. So that's a pescatarian. Oh, can you still say that? You can, I think, I'm sure. Carlos, look that up. That's not, I don't think that's offensive at all. I like, look, I had a turkey burger yesterday. I had salmon today.

I don't know if it's, like, my body changing on me, but I don't think I'll ever not. eat meat. It's like the same way I don't think I'll ever not drink. I have friends that have gotten sober. I don't want to say their names. Actually you know what? Fuck it. Where's my I'm calling you out, Cam. Where's my show on the Adam Ray show on Netflix streaming now is called Kelly calls it. And that's call it. Like so it's like my like hot take, you know, like call it. So hey guys, Kelly's calling it. Oh shit. Is that Kelly? Sounds like she's calling it again. Hey sober friends. You know who you are. are Devin and Rob.

So recently you guys got sober. Oh, my God. Congrats on the lifestyle change. Not. That's a fart bomb because you have blown up our friendship. You now are so tuned into everything. You read every blog. You tweet every article.

And you don't have that little vice, that little voice in your head to be like, maybe don't suck the energy out of breakfast with all your aggressive stances on trans athletes. and maybe finish your fucking mimosa and tell everyone how you think Norbit is one of the most underrated comedies of the 2000s. And it really is.

But you know what I'm saying? It really is. Like people that get sober and sorry, you don't have self-discipline and can't do everything in moderation, you don't have that voice to be like, breathe. Smoke that joint

and instead of telling us how global warming and AI is going to kill us all, tell us how you thought you once met Kevin Spacey at a Burger King. Did you? Guilty. Really? What was that conversation like? Oh, so quick.

I go, oh my God, I go, shut the fuck. I'm so bad at colding it in. I go, shut the fuck up. I'm sitting behind him. And I go, Kevin fucking Spacey's at BK. And he turned around, he was like, Oh, that's what he did. Yeah, he just kind of looked like, it's me. Surprise.

Like, I'm at BK. Like, where'd you think I was going to be? Fucking KB Toys. Was he working there at Burger King? No, he was just snacking, macken. I don't know what he got either. He was in and out. I think he just got a drink, which is so weird.

That's so suspect. That is. Just get a drink. It's like Burger King, it's Whopper or Chicken Fries or... We're probably just the Whopper. You know what I'm not having? That I tell people I'm not having, but I'm having anyway. What?

Taco Bell. Well, you're having it. Because, like, it's the same way I treat like car crashes. I go, it's not going to be my fucking sedan. It's not going to happen to me. Totally. So when I eat a cheloup, I go, my friend... Can I call her out?

Call her out. Go Kelly calls it out. Cherise, hey bitch, here's my impression of Shreis, don't eat the Taco Bell lettuce. That's what she sounds like. She's a, wow. She's a big girl. Yeah.

But she's always like, don't eat the Taco Bell lettuce. And I go, okay, I don't tell you how to fucking, she's like a big two-hander when she, like, gives BJs. And I'm always like, it's no hands or bust for me. So you tie your hand behind your back. Well, I let the guy. Sure. It's also, like, it's fun to feel like you're being arrested.

A little bit. Yeah. Like, I'm not pro-ice, but, like, You read your Miranda rights while you're giving head. That's kind of fun. Oh my God. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say, can't do with me. I mean, wouldn't that be kind of fun?

Andrew. No, I'm not, I'm just saying. That's funny. I'm trying to influence you. No, I, well, I just like, I've never been to jail and it's like. I don't think you want to go to jail. Have you been? Yeah, I went to jail one time, yeah, for a drunk in public, for being disorderly in public.

Oh, God. Intoxicated. America loves to drink, but we also love to think about the, you know, about the, the drunk people, once they get drunk, like what they're up to. Right. And we're not good, like, cops, the amount, raise your hand if you've been at a house party and it's been shut down by Popos. I mean, all of us.

Keep that hand raised if you were, if every time the Popo's walked in, you had nothing to with why it was being shut down. And literally, you're looking at the cops like, fucking really? You're not even like, I know that you work at the fucking Westfield Mall, Greg. You know? I don't know if I was, yeah, sorry. I didn't have to keep your hand for all that. But I just hate Buzz kills.

Like buzz balls I'm open to, but buzz kills, I'm telling you, like, life is short. Like, you could get hit by a fucking Foster's Freeze truck tomorrow. You could. Are you okay? Yeah, I just have, like, these caffeine headaches from time to time. Put your, put a hand up real fast. One, ready? Ooh, that feels like I'm on Judge Judy.

You are. What a fucking spicy. Put a finger down if you've had a threesome. Huh? Put a finger down if you had a threesome. Oh. Put a finger down if you had a foursome. Oh.

Put a finger down if you had a five-sum. Put a finger down if you'd take it down. down an entire AFL football team before. Because I've heard that you've done some damage overseas. Oh, my God. They call me... Well, I don't want to say what they call me, but... You can say it.

Well, it's like a German thing. They call me... Well, I heard you, they call you Jelly Belly Kelly. Yes. Yeah, because you've got a jiggler. Yeah. Because you're a little bit thicker than... Now you're in great shape, but you're a little heavier.

Yeah, I like... Look, do I eat Pop-Tarts every day? No. But do I enjoy the occasional tub of Cool Whip? Yeah. I'm American. I'm sorry. Don't sell to the grocery store if you don't want me to fucking eat it.

That's true. You have any pets, Kelly? I didn't know you were going to ask that. We can disregard that question. You don't follow me on Instagram. I do follow you on Instagram. I don't keep up with all the posts, unfortunately. I foster a ferret, and it recently died.

I apologize. I'm sorry. No, no, no. Ferrets have like a life expectancy of like six months. Is that true? What was the ferret's name? Don't look that up. What's that?

It's five to seven years. to seven years. So yours died quite early. Yeah. Was there something that you did? It wasn't something that I did not do. So you're supposed to feed it every day. Yeah.

And I went away. I met this guy. He was like, oh my God, I have a place in Cabo. I'm a sucker for Cabo. Like, you want to get me to do anything, invest in an app. Tell me you have a place in Cabo. And I'm like, like, Carlos, do you have a place in Cabo? Yeah, right on the marina.

He does. Oh, my God. So, like, okay. I'll see, tell my family I'll see them for New Year's. Oh, wow. I'm living with Carlos now. But so I just, I went away for too long, came back. I asked my friend Jed to watch it and he was like.

Jed Bush. Yeah. And he was like, ask Jenna Bush. I've known most of Bushes like my whole life. Yeah, how were you so plugged into politics? I don't know. I went to one RNC and then and then I went to a couple, killtonies. And then I went to, I met.

Chelsea Clinton at a rave. She's fucking a badass bitch. I've heard. So then I went to party with her and Hillary, who parties hard. Oh my God. This is what is so crazy.

Like, you look at Trump, and again, I don't, like, whatever. Like, he's building a ballroom. RFK is wrestling rattlesnakes when he should be worrying about our carbohydrate intake. I don't, like,

I don't follow politics. It sounds like you do. But, but Hillary, was like fucking DFW like more than GW and I've

partied with him but anyway my point is Chelsea lived it up had a great time there's fun on both sides there are some guys in politics that you're like like Chris Christia I'm like okay

what is all about it Stephen Miller like the guys that get caught with like child porn and other stuff it's like it's so easy like everyone was so sad when Lindsay Graham died

and I was like yeah and like it did you know I was on my period so like I saw Lindsay Graham died and I was like, oh my God, I haven't had golden grams in forever. So I drove to the grocery store. I got a bunch of golden grams. They came out with a new flavor, double chocolate chunk fudge. So like I'm eating golden grams. I'm thinking about Lindsey Graham. And then I like typed

in Lindsey Graham, how did he die? And then like Lindsey Graham like cross-dressing came up. And then Christine Nome's husband's tits came up. There's scandals every day. There is. Like it's almost like, who even runs the country? Because every day there's a new like who's said it who did it. What were you talking about? There was a rumor that you went to one of those I fly, those indoor skydiving machines with Pete

Hegseth. Is there any validity to that? There's a little bit. I didn't want to go. Again, I met him at a bar and he was like really aggressive. Right. As a joke, sometimes when I meet a guy at a bar that I recognize, I'll go, $60 for an H.J, $80 to listen to your stories, $120 to meet your family.

And I said there's a joke, right? Like, I'm clearly not a stripper. Like, well... Yeah, I guess the fishnets. Yeah, the top is a little bit provocative. I mean, I think it was amazing. But it's in their provocative section. Yeah, provocative rack. Isn't that crazy?

Nordstrom rack has a provocative section. Because usually they're supposed to be like discounted shorts and jaggings. Right. But now they're like, we got to like, it's like the guy, it's like your dad's friend who's like 65, but he wears Abercrombie. That's what Nordstrom rack is. That's right. We've got a provocative section too for all the sluzees. Do you want to address it all?

I don't know if you want to, but you had a laser hair removal accident. Do you want to talk about that? I do. So we all have friends who have gone to Turkey, right? And you know who they are, by the way. Oh, yeah. Like, they do a good job. Yeah.

But it's fucking obvious. Right. Whatever. But also, congrats. But I had, like, you know, there's spots in my body that just grow more than others. My knees. My vagina. My asshole, which

That is the part that you Like you can wax that till the fucking cows come home They'll like You can wax it till the cows don't come home Where are the cows? Who let the dogs out? Which one? If you could answer

If you could figure out which one of those Would you figure out first? I'd rather know where the cows have been all day I know. Where are you guys trekking off to? Because the dogs have been outside looking for you. I let the dogs out to try to find the cows

get them home we need milk I mean it's gotten out of control I'm trying really hard not to fucking laugh because that's really funny because I've never heard somebody break down that with that amount of like factual information

why the dogs got let out well more than anything I really wanted because you just answered why yeah the why the song is who no I answered why so you just completely matrix that shit I answered why and when

I let him out this morning and where they're in my yard And where are the cows? Where are the cows? This is really funny. I don't know if it's like for your stand-up, but it's funny. It's not.

And I got to tell you, Kelly, I'd like you to address the laser hair removal accident. Because I do think they press in that people want to know because I think it was a big, big deal. I'm still in the middle of the lawsuit, so I don't want to say too much. It's like $650,000 lawsuit. Yeah. That's crazy.

And I don't, I don't have that much money. So like the lawyer, if you don't have to, that's not going to work. You're whispering into the mic. Okay. I don't have that much money. So, like... That's a lot of money. It's so much money.

And, like, I got the same lawyer who did the Elizabeth Holmes trial who got her off. Right. Like, literally, like, fingered her. And then also, like, got her. So she's like... Because they should have killed her.

She made a fucking little machine where she was like, I can tell if you have cancer by a prick of your blood. And Silicon Valley was like, fuck out, dude. Yeah, that's what they... And they bought it.

Thanos, yeah? Thanos. Yeah. Or, no, that's Marvel. No, but Thanos. It's the same shit? I think so. She named her fucking blood.

I think her company's name was Thanos. Yeah. I think Theranos is the real name. That's right, Thanos. Either way, Chris Hemsworth was not there. Not, no. But there was a Chris Hemsworth looking bailiff at the trial,

which is still ongoing. It's like they closed it, then they opened it. It's like my legs. But so, Okay, so I went there, I found it on this website, laser hair removal, turkey 10% dot com, like, whatever. I used, you know, Rick Glassman? Yeah. So he's always, he does ads in every pod.

He does, yeah. I literally saw him at the bus stop in Santa Monica, and he was talking, he was looking straight ahead, and he was doing an ad for, like, Helix. And I was like, oh, I thought it was a bit, but he literally is always doing ads. He's doing ads, yeah. Yeah. I think it's because he got past to the comedy store. recently. Now he's like feeling himself. So he's like

How are you so in tune with a comedy store? I feel like you know a lot. I know Ryan Mervis. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys use a date? Well, that's a loose term. He's like white queen Latifah. He called you that. He called me what? A loose term. No, that's what Trump calls his presidency.

That's good, Kelly. Kelly, that's good. Thank you. Kelly, I want to know a little bit more about you because I don't know enough. So I said, take the hair off my knees, my pussy, and my butt hole. Not in that order. you gotta go butthole last so don't go pussy knees butthole what smells worse your knees or your butthole

what are you my dad well I could be that was the last question he asked asked me before he left he passed away I was gonna say before he walked out but before he died he goes what smells worth your pussy or your butthole

and I go how about where's the fucking like money you're leaving me so he didn't even give me a clarative statement he just asked a question and then I was like, can I use a lifeline? And he was like... Phone a friend. Yeah.

And he died. Yeah. But, I mean, butthole for sure. But so too much hair, yada, yada, yada. And they specialized in hair removal. Like, in like one stop shop. Like, a lot of these procedures, you have to go like multiple days. Right.

And I go, can I just go all in one? Like, you know? Just knock it out. Yeah. Just like, let me drive through and have you just fucking, you know, ghost buster proton back in my pussy. So... And that would they say when they're doing,

they go, I ain't afraid of no ghosts as they're down there. I feel like that's a... So, it's so funny because the guy did look like Danakry. Look, there's an Egon. The guy looked like Danakrit. Did he really?

Yeah. And when they got it all off, one of the guys goes... And I go, slimmers in the house. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Fandle. Baseball fans, baseball, baby.

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but they went like too hard on the last, on the butthole part. Oh no. Like to where it like almost made a second butthole. Like they sliced, I know, Carlos, this is like TMI, HBO, but like they like got,

it looks like I have a second one, which is so unattractive. No guy has ever been down there being like, Can I eat your ass? And then you go, yeah, do the second one first. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

So whatever. So I'm suing because, like, I, it strictly says, well, it doesn't say you walk out with the same butt you had. But you made a second one. And I don't, like, it's like, I have. You didn't want a second one. No, and I have to cover it up. And it's like, it hurts all the time. Sitting down right now is fine because, like, I know how to, like.

Shift your weight. You know, it's like, if you're doing it. doing a set and you're like in the Midwest and like they like you're or if you're in Alaska and you're making fun of like how they kill mooses out there do that oh yeah okay I went to Alaska with this guy we went to Juno and Anchorage and like I was like you guys would get kill moose so much out here what are you afraid they're gonna beat you in a staring contest you know like just trying to be like funny and playful and one of the guys was like that's the way we eat our food is to kill the mooses right between the eyes and

we're eating for dinner and I was like okay can you just point me to the fuck popping off the shit because of all the fish sticks I've eaten out here. So, anyway, so I'm suing them for $650,000, which I know is like nothing if you, like, go on family feud a thousand times and win the showcase showdown. Well, I'd like to say to most of our fans at home, please, can you guys log into let's help Kelly.org? We started like a nonprofit and to go fund me there to get Kelly some more money to fight this case. I'll post the GoFund me on my LinkedIn.

It's like, it's definitely, it's definitely appreciated. It's not, look, I don't like, you know, I'm not going to fucking die if I don't get my fucking second asshole removed. But I'll socially, like, it's been really hard. It's hard on you. Is the dating world as hard? So, I met Tom Brady through a friend who works for Fanatics Fest. You're sleeping with Tom Brady? No.

I mean, in a fucking NyQuil dream I am. Oh, okay. Yeah, in a perfect world. Although I heard that guy's fucking, I'm just kind of weird. Tom? Yeah, from MySpace. No, Tom Brady. How was he weird?

I don't know. I've never heard any of stuff. My friend Christine said he hit on her and said he was like, he's like really, like he's chill. Yeah. But he's like, he just knows he's Tom Brady. Which I'm like fucking bitch. Yeah. Like if I meet Brad Pitt, I want him to be like, what's up?

I don't want him to be like, oh, if I grab your titty? He's a minion now, huh? Well, I don't do voices. But like, I just want him to be like, be the guy. Be the guy. So anyway, so he was supposed to invite me to the white party. And at first I was like, fucking super racist, which that's my new thing now when people say things and it's not racist, I say that's racist so they think you're being racist. What's say, what's, let's us tell me.

I played basketball on the black top yesterday. Whoa, racist. Right. Right. You know, that's very white of you. Whoa, well that actually is racist. Yeah, that is. Yeah.

Is there something about living in L.A. that you like, because I want to, I've been here for now, like, going on like 14 years. And I just, I want to, I want to eat, pray, love it. Do you, when your gal ever want to do that? Do you guys ever want to just pick up and, like, go to, like, Beirut or? My wife and I. Yeah. Well, I do think E. Pray, Love was kind of a journey of a singular woman's story about finding herself without a part. Did you watch it?

No. It's not, it's not Julia's best. but it's like it's also like it's Julius it's Julia's aside from pretty woman where Richard Gears is like hey as soon as I get this jibble out of my ass oh fucking fucking I haven't seen it but Julia goes she's it's promiscuous city and she's the mayor which you love you love I love Julia Roberts yes I love when she's just like full like in America's sweetheart she's like you know Catherine Zeta Jones is like sister and she's like I

used to be 150 pounds or no she used to be a fat bitch and she like lost all the weight and then john cusack is katherine zeta jones by the way this is when your audience is shutting the fucking episode off they're like is this bitch really describing the pot of america sweet arts well people might not see it they might want to know it's one of billy crystal's best movies anyways with the z favorite movie of all time coyote ugly that's a really good movie oh yeah i met piper paribu once at the grove and I was just like bitch and she turned which was well you yelled bitch but it's also like it's a fun game to play because like someone always turns and it's like did you think that was like a term of endearment or did you think that was like I was that do you think

you're a bitch and you knew have you done something at the grove worthy of being a bitch like was it was it supposed to be a term of endearment it is for me right so if I say if I call you a bitch it's love oh my god yeah like you're Pekyll you're a dumb bitch oh my god like I actually think you're a stupid Good, fat, dumb bitch. Okay. And you love it. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Six and stones can break my bones, but, and words won't. You need a lot of sticks and stones to break some of your bones. Well, my step, my stepmom growing up. Big bones. Well, yeah, big bones. Big bones, Game of Thrones. Who said that?

Peter Jackson? No, nobody. I just made it up now. Oh. You've got, you've got so much inside of you, so much like light. I know. Talk to the Dallas Mavericks. So, about how much I've got inside of me.

Let's see. Rief LaFrenz, Jamal Mash, and Jim Jackson, Steve Nash's friend. So is it... Carlos is an NBA guy, so I knew he'd like that. So it's a lot of older players that you like to sleep with. Yeah, I mean, Black Don't Crack, but they're... Yeah, like, they're older.

Black Don't Crack, an Asian... Oh, I always want to find one for this. Right. What is it, though? Because they, historically, Asian men look younger, I think, than Black Man, right? I think Asian men... Like, they all look the same age. Yeah.

And white guys are pretty like, you can tell. Yeah. Are you white? What are you, Kelly? Well, so 10% Native American, 15% parasitic. I mean, you know, 47% you know, Maverick. Uh, half the team. You know, it's so funny.

And this is like, maybe TMI, HBO, but like, so. Steve Nash's friend Steve Nash picked them up which was so I got to like wave from the window Oh nice Hi This is in Phoenix or in Dallas So

Getting banged by a Maverick's friend And guess what movie was on in the background Debbie does Dallas No Jody Foster Mel Gibson And Passion of the Christ

No Jody Foster Mel Gibson James Garner Chuck a lot So I was getting fucked by a Maverick while watching Top Gun Maverick To take the first part off Maverick

Yeah you've ever seen that? No I don't watch movies Oh my god Carlis have you seen Maverick? Yeah it's from the 90s Yeah okay Yeah that was a little insulting you said it as if she's old or something Yeah I'm probably around your same age so Oh hell yeah

Yeah where do you do you have like a local dive bar around here that you like to go to Because like he's sober Yeah But you can go is it but you can go and like hang right Yeah I'm California sober so we can do drugs in the bathroom. Oh, I love that. That's, again, like, the California sober thing is so, like, it's like a loophole, which I know a little bit about, because I've got two of them.

You do. You do. Yeah. And now, are you still on the hunt for love, Kelly? I'm afraid of getting my heartbroken, if I'm being honest. I don't like to hear that. That makes me sad. Anytime I watch a rom-com, even though they, like, end in a sweet way, like, there's always somebody getting hurt.

like something borrowed with Jennifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson, like, somebody gets hurt. Like, even even porn's like, you just feel bad because, like, someone's having to just film it. And how sad is that? You feel bad for the people that are shooting the pornography. Oh, my God, yeah.

Right. Because you know they're just beating off to what they're watching later. So all they're doing is standing there hard because there's no girl cinematographer is important, right? I don't know. There probably is in this day and age. I would imagine that they've, you know,

but I would argue that you're looking at wrong way, Kelly. It's like you, they're, they get to see how the sausages made, so to speak. I know. I mean, I saw, I had a friend go to USC and I got to like go down to the front row and they filmed two different adult films at Pye Cap. And let's just say there was no cap on that fucking day of work. I talked to one of the guys I go, aren't you where he, I go, do you wear a condom? And he goes, why would I wear a fucking condom? And I was like, I don't know, STDs. Yeah. And he goes, carpe diem. And I don't know. And I. I go, not where you're supposed to use that.

But he is in the Greek system, so that does make sense. It does, yeah. But they just let it. They let it. That guy, like, and I almost dated a guy who was doing softcore, but, like, again, like, you don't want to, you just, he's seen too much. If I do meet a guy and it hopefully won't be in L.A., I'd like to go to Scottsdale, maybe meet a guy, like a golf guy.

Do you know any golf buddies? Sure. I know some people out there in Scottsdale. I mean, you feel a little bit more Miami, perhaps. Oh, shit. Enrique Guaisaisas or Machel Hernandez. They're all down there. It's always like the spicy guys, right?

What about your Korean friend? Is he a single? Who? What's the potato guy? Bobby? Yeah. He's not. He's actually seeing somebody.

Are you interested? Yeah, I mean, I've never, that's the only one I haven't done. Korean? Wow. What is that? What's from Lady in the Tramp, the Siamese cats?

We are Siamese, please. Meow. I always think of Bobby Lee when I hear that song. We are Bobby Lee. If you please. We are Bobby Lee. If you don't please. Right.

Oh, so you have seen movies. I've watched a few. Yeah, I am a fan. What's your favorite cartoon of all time? Steamboat Willie, the original Mickey Mouse cartoon. God, so good. That's one of my favorites. It's a silent movie, right?

It's a silent film. It's a great movie. I take you as somebody and tell me that I'm incorrect because I don't want to step. I don't want to overstep or offend you. You're perfect. You honestly can't... I have such thick skin literally, and also like...

Well, that's a condition that you told me you had. You have quite thick skin. It's about four inches of skin. It's extra. It's like, you know how like a python will like shed? I just keep it. It's almost like extra fat for the winter. So every time I eat a chicken pot pie, I'm thinking,

okay, probably not good, but it's... Because there's like 90 grams of fat, but it's a good fat. It's got to be more than that. It probably is. Murray Calendors. It's like 145. Sometimes I read that on the back and I go, what am I doing? You can't read those.

You just have the Stoufers, you just got to eat them. Oh, I love Stoufers. Me too. What do you think that guy is right now? Bob Stouffer? Yeah. He died in a tragic plane crash. Jesus.

He was delivering pizzas to kids in sub-Saharan Africa from a plane. Oh, my God. So pizza plane crashed. But the best part was the heat from the fire from the engines. Everyone got cooked pizza that day. He heated up all the pizza. Yeah, so it's kind of nice. You know what my favorite pizza commercial of all time is?

Pizza, pizza. close second Caesars Tombstone Oh what do you want on your tombstone Yeah because it's the most gangster commercial of all time literally a guy Is on his knees at a fucking

Like colonial times And a guy has a gun and he's holding it between his eyes And he goes Last words motherfucker And he goes What do you want in a tombstone bitch And the guy goes Pepparoni and cheese

And then they cut to a tombstone logo And you're like, wow, that's basically insinuating If you're about to get your fucking brains blown out That you're thinking about their pizza Well, some people are when they're about to die Like, what would your last meal be? I mean, when you're on your deathbed, what's your last meal? Chicken Caesar rap from goop

And then... To your big postmates girl. Oh my God, all postmates are a fucking slurpee if it's 2 p.m. Wow. Oh, yeah. You know, when time I postmate was a slurpy, I was high as fucking balls. This is a true story.

living on Laurel Avenue. Mm-hmm. And I post-made a slurpee. This is a true story. And you lived around there for a bit, right? I did. I lived on Laurel. So I posted me a slurpee and I was living there.

True story. And the fucking guy pulled up and I was sitting on my couch by myself. And, you know, yada, yada, yada. Like, waiting for my slurpee, developing a severe case of cotton mouth. This is pre-2 buttholes. And I'm sitting there. And so much you just get a postmate's driver that's like, I don't want to

fucking finish the job and it's almost like a guy who has to be a hitman and he gets cold feet but this guy was just fucking lazy and I go and I see the car you know when you're high

and the car's like going like this you're like it's like a video game you're like ooh cars getting closer you know and also it's on my streets on Laurel Avenue and I'm sitting there and six minutes go by

and I go yo where's my fucking slurpy true story and he texts back come and get it not joking and I

fucking text back bring it to the here's the fucking code punch it in and bring it to the fucking front door of Laurel Gardens shout out

and he goes come and get it and I go bring it to the fucking door please capital P and I'm not

fucking joking he sent me a picture of the slurpy knocked over on the curb I swear to fucking God slurpy cap off Slurpy like

Like dripping So this is slurpy gate Yeah And I was like You know Yeah I could get in the car Or bird scooter to the 7-11 But you just sometimes

You get so baked You're like I can't fucking drive It's too far You don't want to drive I did I once got so high I watched the whole movie on mute And I thought I was going deaf So it's like I'm

Not someone to be trusted on edibles Right Have you ever done edibles And gone to a baseball game Or seen a movie with friends Oh yeah I went to game 4, 5 and 6 of the World Series last year

high as fog. On edibles. Oh my God. Have you ever seen, do you like to go see movies on edibles? No, because I like to, I like to just like,

I want to, I want to remember it because I'm in these like, I'm in these chat rooms, chat rooms and these, well, they feel as someone says it feels like, they're kind of a little grooming, yeah.

Yeah. Chat grooms, chat rooms, group texts, group book clubs. I mean, all the, I mean, so many hangs where the move, where you want to like add to it because we've all been in a book club

where like you sit down and you're like, Nikki, did you read the book? And he's like, Yeah, chapter five was awesome. And you're like, oh, wow, I guess we have to kick you at a book club now. Because he's a liar. Yeah, and he's just like, he was one of those guys that got sober and became a life coach.

Oh, wow. It's like you were in rehab six months ago. I don't think you're going to help me do my taxes. Right, slow down. Slow down, yeah. Now, when you say taxes, you're someone I think would be really good with finances. Are you someone who has our finances? Clearly, 85K.

Well, that's it. Your breasts were $85,000? I know. I got them like, there's all, now there's so many doctors that do it. Well, is that silicone or is it the other one? I mean, what does it look like? We'll move the mic away and let me see.

Go ahead. I mean, they look real to me. Oh, there is real as fucking Chinese chicken, chickety Chinese, or what is the song? Very naked ladies. Yeah. It's as real as. that? You haven't a...

But I... I don't know. I don't... I'm not a... I'm not a big, like... Save my money girl. Right. Spend your money girl. Carlos's the same way. He's a spend your money girl. You like to what? You like to save, save, save? I put it away for a couple of rainy days. It doesn't rain often in L.A., so I'd like to put

it away. What do you... Yeah, but I've seen like you're... Like, you're close-fit your body. Like, you're out there on the golf course with like TCX or whatever the fuck. Who's that? I don't even... I don't know. TX.X. What's the main company? who does any wait maybe don't say because that do you have a sponsorship yet i don't have a sponsor oh this is fucking wild how have they not approached you wait i talked to someone recently that told me you were

gonna like do some was it like a maybe i can't even say like a drink or something maybe is that a real thing i might for real i'm working on it yeah i talked to i'll tell you after who i talked to so you you're really plugged into my world it seems as if you've kind of like well you say a day what's the thing you stay a day in a like stay a year in anyone's house. That's a common phrase. It's everyone knows everyone. The world is so fucking small.

Go to any Dave and Busters. Go to a glory hole. Go to a KFC. You'll meet someone that knows your friend Dave. Can I name some people and you tell me if you know them in your relationship that you might have with them? Yeah, I love this game.

Okay. Jay Leno. Yeah. I saw Jay Leno at the comedy store. Yeah, he's there a lot. He goes, apparently they said, apparently they came out with a new story, oh, you hear about this? I love

when he still does, you hear about this, because Kevin's not there, but there's always a black guy at the comedy store, so he just basically looks at the black guy and goes, you're Kevin Eubanks. And so he goes, and I'm always like, that's racist. And he goes, but it is. So he'll go, yeah, about that, yeah, Kevin. The black guy's always like, I'm fucking, my name's, you know, fucking... What is his name? Jason, yeah.

So he goes, yeah, so apparently he came out of the news story that said, you know, marijuana smoke, you smoke marijuana. You smoke marijuana? You know, that's all that. You smoke marijuana and apparently can help you treat your IBS. Yeah, you can smoke a little bit of marijuana can treat your IBF. Yeah, yeah. Boy, it sounds like this blowing smoke up your ass to me. Oh, that's good.

And I was in the back fucking dying. And then Dean Del Rey came on and he was like, you never get on a fucking motorcycle? And you're next to a guy? And he's like, get on the back. And you go, I'm not going nuts the butts to you? I love the comedy store. Do you go a lot?

Oh my God. As much as I can. I saw, again, Ryan Rivers sticks me up. I saw Sebastian. He was like, went out to dinner at this restaurant. Maybe you've heard of it. Applebee's.

We sit down. It's cold. I know. I don't even sit at the table because I know my wife is going to want to get up and go. And there's I mean there's

So many There was a joke Like it was funny Like I'm not doing it justice You know What's your relationship with Adam Ray? I think you're going to say With David Justice

I was going to say Check my fucking diaphragm Great ball player Yeah Atlanta Braves That Atlanta Braves Team is my favorite One of my favorite teams

Of all times Sid Bream Ferber Griff But what we're gonna ask My relationship with who? So good Oh Adam Ryan We're on the same era

It was also you know Oh yeah The Oakland Aes Rubin Sierra Mark McGuire Certain baseball names sometimes sound like sexual positions to me or sexual things you could like

I used to do this fun game gave me a Mark McGuire yesterday Oh fuck this is why This is why you're always You're DTC Down to Clown I am down to clown You're always in the bit boat

Like you ever be at a party And you're like in the bitboat You're just rowing And your friends like drowning But they're trying to like They're like trying to add And you're like just fucking sink Just sink

Kate Winslet Yeah But um No We used to do this game on road trips, where we go, name a baseball player. And then somebody would name the player, and then the other person had to say what that sexual position or thing was that you paid a dwarf to do to you in Vegas.

So, like, Marquis Grissom, what are you getting for Marquis Grissom? What's a Grissom? Well, a Marquis Grissom. Remember, he was on the Expos? I know, yeah, but what is a Marquis'iscus? Yeah. A grissom feels like when you overcook short ribs and you slather the burns all over your body,

and then you have someone lick them off while they're on top. of you. Awesome. That's a Marquis Grism. Awesome. Give me one. Jose Okendo. Give me another one. I don't know who that is. Jose Okendo? One of the greatest utility players of all time. On the Chicago Cubs? He was, no, no, but he was a, he was probably one. Look up Jose Okendo. Yeah, he's from Puerto Rico. What are the greatest? I need to bring race into this, but I was going to say like, yeah, you didn't need to say that. That's racist. That you did not need to say where he's from. And honestly,

Okendo, we could kind of decipher. Let me give you name. Because it could have been something, I mean, it seems like it could be vague. Oh, wait, it sounds like... I'll give you another one. Okay. You ready? Like, you know, like, the Mariners had a player named Henry Cotto or like Todd Zeal or like Gary Gaetti. Like, give me a Gary Gaetti.

What are you doing? I mean, that's clearly just, he's fucking coming down. Double-dickens, yeah. But give me a name. I'll give you a good one. Let me think of really... Oh, it's fun. Tim Rains.

Tim the Rock Rains. Oh, he was the Rock Rains, right? He was the Rock Rains, right? He was the Rock-Royne's. That's exactly right. He stole that name. Tim the Rock Rains. By the way, what a funny accusation.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson stole Tim Rains' name. Funny. What's a Tim Rains? Because that sounds great. It sounds like a porn name. So Tim Rains is, no relation to Dallas Rains, the fucking L.A. Weatherman,

who I saw it Superman Rino once, and he had the whole private booth to himself. Yes, tonight it will rain here in the club. Clip it. Andrew, that's so fucking funny. Thank you. Rain in the club. Fuck.

All right. Okay, Tim Raines. That is where you, a guy, takes the condom off. Uh-oh. And then throws it in the air. And it gets caught in the ceiling fan. But he already nutted in it. And so all the giz just falls on.

That's the Tim Rains. Have you had that happen, Kelly? And then he gets down and does the Tim Tebow. Hey. How about an Aeronado? Have you ever had an Aeronado, a Nolan Aeronato? Oh, my God, yeah. I had Jamba Juice.

You've had one of those? Well, if you go to the one in St. Louis, they have, like, you know how the way, like, Miley Cyrus used to have her own milkshakes at millions of milkshakes on Santa Monica Boulevard? I remember. It was like, get the Miley. And, like, yeah. And, you know what's really fucked up?

One time, I go, they go, have you decided on a milkshake? And I go, give me the Miley Cyrus. And the girl goes, oh. And I was like, don't cancel me. But, um, what are their baseball? Okay, let's just do one. more, then we can stop. You want me to give you an obscure name?

What do you want? I don't know. Do you like your name? Andrew Santino? Yeah. I think so. It flows. Do you like it?

I love it. I like the names that like short names scare me. Like Adam Ray. Gug. Yeah. Like, do you hate syllables? Well, he must. Well, I mean, how well do you know Adam, by the way?

Decently, I wouldn't hook up with him because I'm just like. Well, he's. married to a beautiful woman. He has a family. I would not try to fuck that up. His wife is fucking stunning. Like, I'm always like... No offense to you.

I'm just saying like he would never go. You're not some... Even if he was single, I don't think he would date you. Yeah. No, yeah. I don't even think he would even think he'd entertain the idea

of you flirting with him. I think back in the day he would have. I don't think so at all. I've known for a long time. Okay. T.MI. HBO. He's just always had a really,

really good taste in women. And I always feel like he chooses women that are classy, intelligent, cool. Right. Okay, I feel like I'm getting Todd Zeald right now. Todd Zeald. Great one.

Todd Zeal. That's where you just get fucking body shamed. Just body shame. No, that's a body Benia. That's a body bania. That's a body bania. Body bania. Body by Bonia.

He comes out and body by Jake Susan for $650,000. And I go, oh, that's the same that it costs me to remove my asshole. Which you need to get done. So please donate to Kelly needs money. I'll put the link in my LinkedIn. But you have to follow me on LinkedIn. I need to stop using LinkedIn. Oh, you're going to keep using it.

Well, are you working right now? I was working at Fleming's. I got fired. I got like a real, I got lippy with the head chef. But I heard you were a bar back. You weren't even a bartender. You had lied to a friend of ours and said you were a barback and we went there. You were barbacking.

You said you're a bartender. Yeah. So you weren't a bartender. No. So that's probably why you got fired. Someone told me they went there. You gave them free drinks. Yeah.

And you had said your head bartender that Fleming's found out. They did. Fleming's always finds out. They're like Pepperidge Farm. They're going to find out. Yeah. Is another slogan? Yeah, we're going to find out.

Pepper's farm. We're the FBI of cookies. We've had a lot of laughs today. What fucking time is it, by the way? I called an Uber for 605. Oh, it's 620. Oh, that's going to affect my rating. Well, someone tell Jacques Bar that I won't be outside yet.

Oh, you have Jacques Bar. He's a good friend of the family. I love that. We know him. I love when I get an Uber driver that is like not from here. Like, I'm just so... I don't think any of them are. Because I've been to...

Well, some are. There's a few, like, Ryan's and Kyler. in L.A. that are always like, I'm working on a rap album, and you're like, drop me off. I'll walk to the Pantages and see Beauty and the Beast tomorrow. Oh, Monday, they're dark.

Cool. They are dark on Mondays. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's an all-black cast. You spent... Give me something on that. Well, racist? Thank you. Thank you.

Have we missed? I think we're betting a thousand on this episode. Just under. We're the wade bogs of comedy. I just met his son. What's a Nolan Ryan? So good. I need to sleep on this one.

Oh, I'll tell you what it is. It's where the guy, no, it's where you fucking, give me one second. You got it. It's where,

this is great. It's where, it's where he fucks you at like 99 miles an hour. Because that's like, what's his median MPH of like how fast he through. True. And then. after he comes, he puts you in a headlock

and punches you in the face like Robin Ventura. One of the greatest moments. I'm such a sucker for baseball fights. Almost became a Texas Ranger fan because of that. I know. I'm such a sucker for baseball fights because, A, it makes the game better. So much. It's almost like in basketball

when Rock and Jock added the fucking four-point hoop. So cool. You're so fucking boring sometimes. There's 3,000 games. Speed it up. Let's have a fight. Let's have a fight.

But also now, and baseball, the fights are still like, everybody just runs out of their house, like they heard a car crash. Yeah. They all just run into each other, do you what I'm saying? Just looking. Just looking around,

and then, like, the stars never want to get involved. No. Like, the 90s, though, it was like, they didn't care if they got, but also baseball respected the fight aspect

to where they were like, we're not going to suspend Nolan and fucking Ryan. But nowadays, like, the fights, the guys get into, it's like, well, yeah,

kick that guy out of the fucking game. Like, no one's buying a, you know, whatever card. Darry That's the last one I'll do That is where

The guy takes you to the Farmers Market and gets you a strawberry And then fucking And then fucking makes you jerk him off In the bathroom at the goop That sounds like an unhealthy relationship It does Well

Get on Tinder It's a dangerous place No thanks Now you met your Your ex-husband Yeah Was a prince in Dubai Yeah

Wow And you lived there for how many years Me and Lindsay Lohan are Eskimo sisters. You are? Yeah. Do you ever hear about her with like the prince? I think she's been with like Prince of Wales, Prince of Egypt, Prince William, Prince Jafar, or Prince Ali Ali Abba. Yeah.

That's his full legal name, I believe. But yeah, that he was. And Prince, Prince, Prince, the singer Prince. Prince the singer Prince was, he's the main prince for us, I guess. But like, yeah, I don't know. I'm who doesn't want to, again, I'm just like so like I, in this life I don't want to have one experience. You want to have it all. Yeah. You seem like a girl. You look like a girl that wants to have it all. I'm the cold stone creamery of... You're a buffet. Women. That's disrespectful. You're a

walking buffet. Actually, that's actually a big compliment. Yeah, because you're like a piece of steak and your Chinese food. Which Vegas buffet am I? And this will tell me a lot about you because I know to go to Vegas a lot. You're the win. You know why? Because you're classy and you're beautiful. This is for the win. Whoa, FT. That's for the win buffet. You know who you are. I went to see my boy Adam Ray at the fucking encore theater sold it out. He passed out at the fucking pool, almost died. Andrew was playing the next night. I fucking

went to that show, a little bit better. Adam fucking was like... No, no. They were both great shows. They were both good. Well, they're different. Yeah. Adam's like, like, I got a dog. And Andrew's like, you know, fucking Chicago's crazy, right? So it's like different... It's different... It's different stuff.

But the win buffet holds it down. It's probably the best. It's probably the best in Vegas. Also, if you can get the free pass and go to the front of the line and just walk the fuck through. Oh, you like that. Bumping them. Oh, yeah. I'll fucking... Oh, look, I was...

Okay, not to brag. Growing up in Seattle, I was the Gig Harbor... Gig harder. Sounds like my ex. He told me to always... He'd say gig harder. He'd say, like, you're not putting yourself out there to get jobs. Work harder, yeah.

But Gig Harbor is in Washington, and I won the Bump tournament. You know, Bump? Some people call it throw it in, but bump where, like, you... you shoot, and if they bounce off, you can bump their ball. Yeah. So, what was the question? I truly forgot. Oh, bump.

I like to bump people in line of the buffet. Yeah. Where it's like, I'll go, because sometimes the line gets jammed the fuck up, and I'll go, oh, excuse me, I think your daughter was looking for you. I'm telling you in Vegas, someone's daughter is always looking for them. So you just lay, and who wants to fucking be the, who wants to be the fucking parent that goes, Yes, no, you lose, touch, I got to get my pancakes. You know, every mom is going to go,

Diniz, and fucking shit a brick and run around the fucking casino. Right. So that's a tactic you do. So then I go, oh, finders keepers, and then I slide in, and then next thing you know, I'm fucking deep-throaring a fucking fried shrimp. But I go right to the ice cream. That's your... Oh my God, because all the vaguest fatties are always, the toppings disappear quick, and you don't want the toppings towards the end of the buffet.

No. You want the top toppings. You want the top toppings. So nobody wants the bottom topies. When they put out the food and you can tell it's fresh, the same way you can tell the scallops are new scallops. You think I want bottom of the barrel M&Ms at the fucking wind buffet? What am I fucking Jeffrey Dahmer?

Are you? Well, if I fucking wait, if I don't act like someone's kids lost, yeah. You think I want the bottom on a barrel Eminem's? That's pretty good. Wait, that also sounds like... Joe Perra? Yeah. You're good.

Jeffrey Dahmer, imagine being his fucking neighbor and he just rolls to and you go, hey, ready, you be Dahmer and I'll be the neighbor. Jeffrey, where you got another raccoon in your backpack? Yeah, it smells like dead people, but it's just a bunch of animals in my apartment. Yeah, let me ask you a quick question here.

Why do you got so many dead animal carcasses in your garage? Your dad tells me you got a little bit of a animal problem, but he looks like you're taking care of that, killing all the animals, slicing up their house. heads what do you do with the bodies sometimes I eat them if I'm hungry after work that's how it goes but I could never I could never eat a human no no you I don't strike me as someone that would be a cannibal like there's that show lost and I didn't finish it but they probably got to a point to it they went full fucking army hammer they got found

it's not crazy that army hammer did that eight people like the star of Facebook movie was like, that's what's so crazy about the Hollywood business. Yeah, it is kind of crazy. Literally, you're like, I went, I saw the social network in theaters. What a good movie. Movies I saw in theaters.

Mrs. Doubtfire, the social network, all dogs go to heaven. Also, Oliver and Company. Why suit I worry? Billy Joel did the theme song. I saw Lilo and Stitch in the theater. My God, I fucking love Lilo and Stitch. I'd fucking kill a fucking family

to go see that in theaters again. Hutch. You mean Hitch? Mm-hmm. What's Hutch? Turner and Huch? Mm-hmm. What's Hutch?

Hutch. Carlos? The movie Hutch. What's Hutch? Hutch doesn't look like it's a movie. It's not. You know what? You know what also doesn't sound like a movie but is?

The movie Wonder. Powder. That one was bad. Powder I saw. With Daniel. Radcliffe. Yeah. That was the guy that's,

It's all white and all his friends are like, Get him. Kill him. Wonder is a fucked up movie because it's Owen Wilson and Julia Roberts. Shout out. Love you. You love Julia.

I'm like, I feel like we're sisters. She just like, her laugh. She's got like this Hollywood like energy that's like you just want to be around it, you know? You really do. I fucking love her. I just like, she makes me feel so good.

And also this world. is so fucking dark. It is. This is why I don't kink shame. If it's not hurting anyone and it's not hurting you, I'm all for it. You don't yuck anybody's yum.

No, if you want to get a fucking glow-in-the-dark butt plug and give it to me at a white elephant, Jeremy Renner, I'm not going to like put you on blast. Well, you just did, Kelly. All right, edit out the last name.

No, we're going to leave that in there. If that's something that Jeremy did. Bleep out the last name, he'll know who he is. He will. Do you think he listens to my show? Yeah. He's a big comedy fan. Is he?

Oh my God. Jay Wren. Jay Wren. He's also a fucking badass. A snowplow tried to take him out, and he fucking Jean-Claude Van Dammed that thing. Did he really? You haven't...

Motherfucker got run over by a snowplow... No, no, he had it right. And he... Boy, what's in that fucking whiskey, tequila? I don't know. You want to sleep over? Take me a dinner first. All you got to do is get me some spicy and I got that jack here, but no,

Julie, I love her. I just... Yeah, I love her. She also... I love Julia Roberts. I love Jay Moore. I love Ron Funches. I have a short list of people

that I'd love to be stranded on the desert island with. You're there. I'm on the island. I'll tell you who's not there. Actually, no, I don't want to say. Go ahead. No, I don't want to say.

You can. Could you bleak their name out? Sure. Yeah, we promise. For real? Yeah, of course. For real? Of course.

Okay. For real? Yeah. Okay. Oh, my shit, Kelly. Kelly. I love you. I love you, Kelly.

this has been so fucking fun it's been awesome Kelly do you want to plug anything oh my god wow you want me to plug Kelly you sound like the Turkish doctor

you felt bad by the way numero uno of what not to say to someone after you give him a second asshole can I plug anything right

I'm like my Twitter how about fucking stitch up the fucking Stargate you just made no I'd love to plug Well, I'm only on LinkedIn, but I'm going to get off, and I'm not... My socials...

I'm, like, in-between socials because I'm, like, about to do some brand deals, so I have to, like, make new handles. So I guess... I guess plug the Netflix show that I... The Adam Ray show that I did. Well, plug that, because if you guys haven't seen it, that's pretty amazing. Netflix has a great show, the Adam Ray show, probably one of my best friends on Earth, who I am lucky enough to meet you through him.

He's a great guy. And the episodes are like, it's every Friday. And they, you know... So funny. From Dave Matthews to Santino to Michael Bubley, to Nicky Glazer, to... the rock coming up, The Impractical Jokers, The Sam Minaj,

Adam's mom, that fucking bad bitch, did a fucking episode. Putt. Oh my God. Shout out, Queen. But, yeah, every Friday,

there's Seahawks, Marshawn Lynch, whatever. Every Friday, fucking go check it out. And I think Adam's on tour. Who is Me Theater tour, Adam Raycomi.com for tickets.

I'm not going to open some of the shows, but like, I'm going to, like, be there. I might do the merch. He told me you were going to be a part of the tour somehow.

I'm going to be doing, like there's he's got like a weird writer where he's like cashews and crestables and like backrubs that's not that crazy it's not that crazy no so Adamariccomby, Orange County, San Diego, Hawaii, Philadelphia Chicago he just added two dates

two shows in Chicago and it's all Adamarycombe.com his YouTube he has like Dr. Phil bullshit and stand-up bullshit I don't know I don't fucking he's not paying me for this so actually fucking fuck you do it yourself you fucking no go to Anna Raecomedycom we want to plug Adam because you're not really touring yourself

so I can't... Not yet. I might pull like a Steve-O or a Jack Shepherd and do stand-up at some point. Well, I hope you do. Yeah. We end the show the same way. You look at it at that camera

and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode, whenever you want, Kelly. Ooh. Okay. Okay. Joseph, Rogan. So I met you at the mothership.

You gave me your number and said if I any time I want to go to Kill Tony, let you know. And I just want to apologize for drunk. texting you when I was outside the mothership and I wanted some gum and I texted you, do you have any gum? But Autocrite changed it to, do you have any fun?

And I know you don't do Coke. So you thought I was a Coke head and you blocked me. So I just want to say, sorry and your club rules. Or, fuck, can I do that again? Can I do that again? No, there wasn't a word or a phrase. Okay. So set me up.

again. Well, Kelly, we end the show the same way, and we're also going to leave that part in. Into that camera, one word or one phrase. You want to try one more time, Kelly? Yeah. Kelly, we end the show the same way. You look at that camera and say one word or one phrase. Even if you think you can't, you can. 24-hour fitness. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. Weird. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskeys and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.