Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Andrew Dice Clay

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

Andrew Dice Clay – The original bad boy of comedy, the man who made nursery rhymes dirty and stadiums roar. With his leather-clad swagger, Brooklyn attitude, and a mouth that don’t know brakes, Dice became the first stand-up to sell out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. From his legendary The Day the Laughter Died albums to his scene-stealing roles in A Star Is Born and Entourage, he’s still as raw, unapologetic, and iconic as ever. Oh! 🎤💥 #andrewdiceclay #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ============================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey KICKOFF GET YOUR FIRST MONTH FOR $1 https://getkickoff.com/whiskey STITCH FIX TAILORED STYLE AND FASHION https://stitchfix.com/whiskeyginger ZOC DOC BOOK LOCAL DOCTORS https://zocdoc.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, like it, subscribe it, leave a comment down below for the Al-Go-Rhythm. I'm doing a couple pop-up dates. I'm doing May 22nd and 23rd.

22nd I'll be in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Come on out, Canada. May 22 and May 23rd I'm doing two shows in Winnipeg. Winnipeg, Manitoba, hard to say. Winnipeg, Manitoba, so Edmonton and Winnipeg, May 22 and May 23. And also, the Bad Friends, ladies and gentlemen, we're doing two overseas shows. We're coming to London and Dublin.

London and Dublin, July 18th and 19th. July 18th and 19th, we are coming out to London and Dublin, July 18th and 19th. July 18th and 19th, we are coming out to London and Dublin. Go to andrewsantino.com for my dates, go to badfriendspod.com for the other dates. Come out and see us. Love ya. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like them hairs, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginges are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse. Ginges are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that from my guest, but I mean it once again today. The Dice Man cometh. How's the collar? And he has arrived. The collar looks perfect. It's Andrew Dice. Clay, ladies and gentlemen, he's on the show. Thank you for coming to the show. No, because collar up is a lot more meaning than collar down. You might not know that. No, collar up is a respect sign of respect, right?

Collar up means it turned on uh... your rock your rock hard right now you see what i mean i get it here look at it flat it's okay it's fine from out with my girl yeah and the sand

you go flat like that right you don't want to be bought right okay so you go flat Respect to the girl right we both your boys get on stage. This is still on stage, baby You know call was up It's perfect come out on stage and the college down that means I hate the crowd you don't like the show of the city Yeah, yeah, I just hate where I am. I hate everything that led to it Who gets a collar down what Who gets a collar down? What city gets a collar down?

No, it depends. It could be anywhere. Right. It just depends on the feeling, what I went through that day, that kind of shit. So note to your fans, if the collar's down, it might not be your favorite show. Yeah. Yeah. But mid-show the collar could get popped up, right? You could change. No, no, it's gonna stay down. It's up to them. Ah... it's always the crowd it's on you know what when you know and and you do know you're a big-time comic now yes well not big-time regular big-time okay you and bobby we i got a history of bobby i know you do you know but what i'm saying is you're doing incredible stuff with your career now. Thank you.

So what do you get? What do I get out of this career? No. What's your name? That's McCone. McCone. What does he get because he's doing great? He gets the world.

Anxiety. No. No? What do I get? Collar up. Oh I get collar up. You understand? I like this a lot. Yeah. Bobby Lee gets collar down is what I imagine. No, I love Bobby. Sure. He doesn't say everything the right way. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I've heard him talk about me on your show and he was actually talking about and I was watching it about when you know like I had Bobby Lee open for me, I had Steve Rennazzisi, Joe Diaz, all the new guys back you know 20 years ago that have now made it in their career, Ari, Sebastian, all these guys, Eddie Griffin. So I take Bobby Lee with me.

I was playing baleys. I did baleys for like 30, so I take Bobby Lee. This is in Tahoe? No, this, really? No, no, Vegas. Vegas. I know, I'm teasing. I like you, but you're already pushing.

All right, all right, all right. Who's the guy you brought up to me from The Godfather you were talking about? I said Mo Green. I said Mo Green, Ring of Bell. Oh yeah, yeah. Wait, you're just talking the guy from The Godfather, right? No, no, the man who... And you were playing golf with Mo Green. I played golf with Mo Green. Mo Green is dead. That's number one.

No, no, no, no Even when they did the Godfather that character He wound up playing my father in a sitcom that guy But he had to be like in his you know 50s when they did the Godfather. I was speaking about Mo Green That's more more closer to your heart a gentleman that you work with Mo Green. I Don't work with a Mo Green you don't work at Mo Green? Okay. Well, I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna tell him that he's off. He's off. Do you have representation? Yeah, Michael Green, you mean.

Yes. Not Mo Green. Oh, so he doesn't go by Mo. He was saying that to me as if it was... No, he's my manager. Oh, he's Michael. Right. Yeah. So he doesn't get the Mo. Do you want to know? He never told me the Mo name. That's hilarious. Wow. Within the first 10 minutes, he says, call me Mo. He gave me the collar up with his nickname. He collared up his name for me. Got it. Got it. And the fact that he hasn't done that for you bothers me a little bit. And am gonna approach him about this and tell him it's a sign of disrespect.

Fredo? Fredo. He's a little bit of a Fredo. You're my older brother and I love you. Never, never take sides against the family. See? You understand? Yeah. Anything you ever needed is in the Godfather. Yeah, it's true. Everything.

Anything you need to learn is in the Godfather. Unfortunately, Santino was killed. So that is pretty harmful for me. That's probably the worst thing that could have happened. It shows that you really should think, you know how they say when you get angry, take a few seconds. Santino just fly off the handle. And look how it wound up. You get shot at a toll booth. That's why Michael was Michael, Brando was the Don, and Santino was never thought of to be the Godfather because of his temper. You understand? I need to learn from him. Now when you get mad, do you just fly off the handle or do you think for a second?

Ask the kid, how do I deal with it? He flies. I fly. I fly. I'm trying. Well maybe you learn something from the godfather. A little bit, see? Another lesson learned there. What is your... You don't want to show up at a toll booth and they start shooting a thousand Tommy guns. No, please not. You understand? And I don't know if anybody shoots Tommies anymore, but what's a, what's Andrew Dice Clay's coffee order when he goes to Starbucks so I know for the future, so I can buy you a coffee before you come in here? Alright, this particular coffee was Southern California now, right?

Mm-hmm. So we're going Trenta cold brew. Trenta cold brew. Four raw sugars. Four raw sugar. And two splashes if you understand of half and half. Yeah just little, just a little. Not regular milk. Half and half only. Yeah half and half. Give me that cream. Give it a little regular milk half and half only yeah, have it. Give me that cream. There's a little thickness, right? Smoothness and how many of these a day? Just the one as you could see I mean most people would have finished it before they even got here No, no, no, no people do bring coffee in I think it's the coffee time right now

I have two three cups in the morning then I have two kind of it. I had hot coffee when I first got up You know, I had to prepare for this. Right, right. So, yeah, exactly. Yeah, well, do you have coffee at night when you make these calls from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m.? The latest I'll have coffee is like 10, 11, and it's enough of the coffee.

That's enough of the coffee. Yeah, but yeah, I got up, I did, took a cup of coffee, went in the house gym. I got a house gym. Big money. Because you've got to wake up for this. That's right. You know what I mean? So I got on the treadmill for 21 minutes. Okay.

What speed? It's not about the speed, my friend. No. No. No. I don't even turn it on half the time. What speed? What about the in- No, so I did the treadmill even turn it on half the time What about I did the treadmill for 21 Go I fluctuate with sure sure long as I got a dice workout tape on right and I mean cassette tape

Though the original walkman, right? Yeah, I have hundreds of them the original dice Can I well what it would have you know can i have one of those at that point i don't know what maybe next time i come here i would like to lie when i'm on the door one of those but what it is the work out tape start at a certain tempo and they build and it's all like songs that means something to me from a certain time and i used to have a mixer and that's how i'd make those tapes with you put two CDs in and you just mix,

and you build through the workout. So then I did like, for me it's light, like 300 crunches, sets of 50. And in between that, I'm doing some kettlebell, bell, bowl, whatever, squats. Some curls, light weight, some chest, all of the old ball whatever it's quads some curls lightweight some chest just to wake up

you work out so low you have a trainer is he kidding but you know anything about me it it's supposed to be an interviewer i mean what what is wrong don't don't get me wrong. Everything's falling apart. How old are you now? Forty-one. Okay. So, my career took off.

I was thirty. I was just about thirty. But today, yours took off, what, about five, six years ago? Like, started getting... We're still waiting for the lift, to be honest with you. We're still waiting for the downdraft. When I was about thirty-five is when I started to kind of move through the business. And when did you start?

I was 22, 23 years old. Okay, so you started at a good age. I started at 20. Right. You know, and you were just consistent about it, right? Yeah, well I followed a lot of the path that a lot of our veteran forefathers did. Like, you know, I went to the store was the first place I went to in LA. I got my friend's truck.

I didn't have a car. I drove up from Long Beach. I went right to the store and I just sat on the patio for, I don't know, 10 hours maybe. Just soaking it in just because I was, you know, that was fantasy town for me. It was like if I got to play there one day and I just went every single day for I don't even know how long until I started getting the potluck and because of what you guys did there was like I Mean it was a you know, it was a shrine of comedy for us. Mm-hmm, you know, and I think I'm not

Not being you know older guy critical of the youngest generation But I don't know if what it means to them like the way it meant to us because of you guys. I Don't know mean the younger guys now today. Yeah, 20 year old. Yeah, I don't know if what it means to them like the way it meant to us because of you guys i don't know in the younger guys now today yeah one year old yeah i don't know what it means today to them i mean i'm not hating on it i just get when i was young it was because of you guys it was you know the fucking shangri-la i mean it was like the ultimate ultimate and i think i hope it's like that now for you know on the first arena comic you know you know i can't die very well yeah yes no i don't know i know you are you're all arena yes yes yes you know that's a square garden

you know you know that's that's one the first well uh... the first comedy act now this would happen because i love when people you know when they want to do the hate chanel i can't not really in stagran in stagran you have like

younger excited people trying to make it you know sure business indifferent tick-tock the same face book uh... man they've just lost in the game of life, in my opinion. Facebookers? Yeah, they're awful. I could put up something like, you know, just, you know how I do the street videos.

I love the street videos. So on Facebook, you know, they take it like it's real. You know, and they go, oh, it's so sad to see this guy that at one time was relevant, nobody knows him. He was never funny to start with, he should've known that. And then what I like to do creatively, cause they really want you to write back.

I hate it when you want you to write back, but they think they're gonna get fuck you so they could just show their friend, oh look, Dice got mad, he wrote fuck you. They don't understand I'm profiling them. Like I go to the, I make an example, I'll take one guy and I'll make an example out of this guy. And the thing, you know, at least, guy. And the thing about haters,

now, just to back up a little, I never had a problem banging fat girl. Okay, I didn't always have to be with a 10. And my jokes used to be like, yeah, she was so big, I had to butter her hips to get her through the door. I'd be in the bedroom, she was so big, I had to butter her hips to get her through the door. I'd be in the bedroom, she was like, I don't know, and I'd be like, I got fudge. You know what I mean?

I loved her, every fucking layer. It was jokes like that. Yeah. So I had no, and they weren't always beautiful. Sometimes fat comes with ugly. Sure. Okay, so yeah, I even tell it to crowds. I go, I once banged a chick that looked very much like Shrek.

And I didn't do it for me, I did it for the audiences so I could tell them about it now. So anyway, I had no problem banging the fat girls, okay? But now what I have found is fat spells failure. Okay, and let me tell you what I mean. So I'll go look at the hater, some guy that wants to go, you were never funny, you were awful, this is humiliating

that you're even on here. Now I go look at him and his life. And I'm seeing the house in the middle of the swamp of Jersey in the woods somewhere with the bike leaning on the house and the old car he's driving. But most important, I see him. And I see what he looks like. And I see, and they all sorta look the same. They're all at least 50, 60 pounds overweight. The last guy I looked at, at least 50, 60 pounds overweight.

The last guy I looked at, the shirt was, the t-shirt's sticking out and the belly's hanging out from underneath, okay? And immediately I'm going, why would he do this to himself? And little dog, they all have little dogs. Little dog guy, yeah. Yeah, and they've just lost, and whatever their dream was, I can guarantee you, unless it was living a shit life

in the middle of the woods of Jersey in a house that's 110 years old, if that was the dream, you did it. If your dream was to be obese, you've done it. If your dream was to be obese, you've done it. If your dream was that all your teeth are overlapping each other like a fucking squirrel that in the park has better teeth, and that your face is hanging,

and you're completely fucking bald, and your chick that you're banging for the last 40 years looks like your mother, well, then you have peaked. So now I go back and read his message again, now that I've taken a look at him and his family. You take inventory. And you know, whatever he wrote, you're terrible, you're the worst, you know. I totally agree.

I really don't understand that after 38 years, the business just, they can't throw enough millions at me a year, and I don't understand it because I agree with you, and after looking at you, I would say, who would know better than this blubbery, obese buffalo to know what comedy should be other than you? I go to think that there might be at some times,

even still at your age of, you're probably 55, but you look 75, that you're on top of some woman, that lady that looks like your mother, and she's probably thinking in her mind, oh please, no tummy, no tummy, no big fat fucking tummy. And I'll go on and write and write and write as an example to what happens to the others. And then the people that love me, they just go after them. as an example to what happens to the others.

And then the people that love me, they just go after them. They just overlap. You stick your army on them. So I know that when they get my reply, they're not running to their best friend and go, this is what Dice thinks of me. That I look like fucking Frankenstein. Yeah, this guy I'm actually thinking of, he had his head was as big as Frankenstein,

only his teeth weren't as good as Frankenstein's. He wasn't in the shape Frankenstein is in. Yeah, Frankenstein was fit. Yeah, so to me, fat, like, when somebody just decides I'm just gonna be a couch potato and put on all that fucking weight and just sit in front of a TV watching whatever fucking team

that's doing their dream and you're just on the couch eating, just shoving it, you've lost. There's no desire, there's no drive. See, to this day I go after things. I love doing stand-up more today and trust me, you know, you're a lot younger than me. And you know, like, yeah, there were times, like I told you, I exercised, but there were times, like, if I drop a hundred dollar

bill, I look at that bill and I go, somebody's gonna get very lucky in a few minutes because there's no way I'm bending over to get it. It's just not worth it to me when I got another one in my pocket. Let somebody get that hundred. Bending and steps, I don't care how hard you work out, I don't care if you're pressing a thousand pounds

in the gym with your legs, the minute you get to a flight of steps, you're like, oh man, really? It's not worth it. No, but you know what I'm talking about. Like, you got a house now, you have steps. I have steps, yes. You know, when you go up late at night,

you're like, oh man, I could do it. I could do it. I think about, And I love exercise. I want the bed on the first floor then. Just stay on the first floor. Is that what you do? Living a ranch, baby. Okay. Yeah.

I love ranch. I had one in Vegas for a long time. You don't have a property in Vegas anymore? No. Why not though? You were Vegas for so long. No, I love it, but it was just time. I had the house for over 20 years

and I just, during the pandemic, I got was just time. I had the house for over 20 years and I just during the pandemic I got rid of it. Do you miss Vegas? Um, well, I haven't been there in a while, but I'm sure I'll be back But I mean you met Mo Green. I met Mo Green. That was a piece we're working on. Not working. Not working Yeah, you know what I mean? Doesn't there a piece of you that like Like do you ever have this out? I'll end up in Vegas one day like like do you ever have this out I'll end up in Vegas one day in terms of no no because I did I did I know I had a house there for 20 years I loved it but you're gonna stay in LA forever now I love LA I've been in LA for 45 years yeah 47 years so I love LA I love New York I do love Vegas I'll go back and perform

there but yeah, I had a ton of fun in Vegas. You know, I was in Vegas when they had all the old hotels. Yeah, when it was good. But that's what I was talking about with Bobby, the gambling. So I see him on the show one day, and he's telling a gambling story with me. Because he was doing nothing, just sitting around the store,

and I said, why don't you go pack? You'll come open for me in Vegas at Bally's. So he comes with me. And the night we go in, I lose a quarter million dollars playing blackjack. OK? It's a big hit. So you know how Bobby sits like when he's on a couch,

he'll sit like on the top of it. Yeah, he wants his legs up. Yeah, like his feet will be here, and his butt's on the bed. So he's in my room now, and he doesn't know what to say. And I'm going, what is your problem? You didn't lose anything. So the story he tells is where I lose,

but he doesn't tell the other half when I win right because It normally always starts out. I don't gamble anymore, but it starts out with me losing It's almost like starting your set. You got to start feeling the crowd and yeah, you're maneuvering through. Okay So basically the next i'd left there winning uh... seven hundred and fifty thousand some watching the podcast going why doesn't it take if you don't know the whole story of you forgot

but and i will tell you that were times i did lose like that and that's how it went because that's gambling you gotta be willing you know, as I've told people in the past, I go number one, any gambler that says they always win is just lying, because it's a gamble. So there's good times and bad times,

but to win ever, you have to be willing to lose everything in front of you in order to win. And I'm that guy that's willing to lose to win. Because you can't play with fear. Fear gets you nowhere, not at a gambling table, in life. You're afraid to go on stage at the Comedy Store? Well, you're not going to have a career. You got a band, you're not out there playing.

I'm afraid to go. Then what are you playing for? You can't have fear. You gotta just go for, and you know about this, because like I said, you're very successful now in killing it, you know, because I did talk to Bobby at the store one night about him and you, and he was going,

well, we're doing, you know, he was like shy to say it to me, because he knows what I've done, you know he was like shy to say it to me because he knows what I've done yeah and he goes we're doing like 5,000 seats you know and I go all right that'll build just stick with it you know and I was teasing him because 5,000 seats a night is incredible that's the dream it is yes well I just took it to a level where it never went yeah ever you know and and I love doing it I did over 300 arena shows and

those tours would sell out in if I put 20 cities on tour they're gone in a matter of an hour and a half, two hours. Just half a million, seven hundred thousand tickets, whatever it would be. And that went on for years. And then I got claustrophobic. I couldn't handle the whole arena around me. It got to be too much. And the one thing I'm not, I'm not a drinker. You know, I'm not a druggie, that's not my thing. I did this with a straight head.

You know, going on like you say at the Garden. And this guy didn't even take like a hittapot to relax, a simple point. I just, that was the dream when I came out here to really become an actor and i used like the comedy store instead of going acting school once a week use a comedy stage and just develop my own method of acting

every night of the week as many spots as i can get and you know of course i was really but the dice thing was building along with it. So when I used to watch comics, see you're animated, you're not, Bobby's animated. Years ago I'd watch these comics on stage and when I'd go back to Brooklyn,

my mother would say to me things like, so what do you think of the comedians out there? I go, well, you know, they're okay. I go, but in five minutes I'm walking out of the room, I go, they know nothing about performance. They just do their jokes. I can't just stare at something not moving. And I come from, you know, before I was a comic, I was a

drummer, singer, dancer even. And so I knew about using the stage. So when my mother would say to me, so what are you going to do with that? Because she's where I get that edge and that attitude, you know. You know, I say, I'll just become the Elvis of comedy. You know, I understood it, because that's who I studied him and, you know, the biggest drummers like Buddy Rich and Gene Krupa and, you know, and then there was like Led Zeppelin with, you know, you know, but Muhammad Ali,

bigger than Life Stars and Stallone Travolta. So I used all that, you know, but Muhammad Ali, bigger than Life Stars and Stallone, Travolta. So I used all that, you know, and it created when I got to the arena level, a very exciting show for people. Critics at that time wouldn't talk about the musical part of the show. They just wanted to go after like I was considered the first cancel culture, only there was no name for cancel culture, you know? But I just kept going and that was it. You know, but I went through my problems with all of it.

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did you do when you said claustrophobic is the arena you're always in the round yet in the center of the night i was in the back but that had to be like six seven thousand seats behind me here so you feel that you gotta understand it was absolute it was and even to this day, and not knocking any, I'm not knocking anybody, I'm talking even with rock bands. That's what scared the media back then,

because the mania of the crowd, it wasn't even the act, it was the crowd, how from beginning to end, they're screaming. You know, from the time I come on to the, so they would call it Dice Mania. You know, it was insanity, you know. It was just insanity. So, you know, I did, like I said,

over 300 arenas, over 12 million people, and then I would tell my father, you know, because he worked along with Sandy Gallin, you know, and I got, my father got to live all his dreams. You know, I used to say, you'll have the big desk and the big chair and they wound up, he wound up a wealthy guy. And, but I said, I can't handle it anymore.

And just as that happens, I get a call I was I was really tight with guns and roses and I get a call from Axel that they're doing the the Rose Bowl and I go oh that's great I'd love to come he goes no we don't want you to come we want you to we want you to go on. In between Metallica and us, we want you. And I'm like going, I can't. I just can't. It's too much.

Because it would be over 100,000 people. And I go, I'm going to feel. You don't understand how I feel when I'm up there. He goes, Dice, just look at the sky, you're gonna be outside, you're not in a closed place. That's Axl Rose talking common sense, it's hysterical. Yeah, yeah. So I did it and when I walked out,

the entire collar seam got on their feet. It was crazy. So recently, you know, I started doing these, and you know, because of Bill Burr, I went to see Bill Burr at the Prudential Center in Jersey over a year ago, maybe a little more, and I just wanted, you know, my fiance, Sugar Plum, you know, I've been with her five and a half years.

So I said, I want you to see this guy. This is the kind of comedy I like. So, and I'm teasing her all the way there. I was actually wearing this jacket. All the way there, I'm going, ah, I haven't done an arena in over 20-something years. And she's going, she's gullible there. She's going, it's not your show.

Like, I don't even know what you're talking. You know, it's just, and I just stay with it, you know, because I love the acting of the, and the more she would be like, I don't know what you're worried about. It's his show, we're going to see. Yeah, I know, but you know, I'll do the best I can, that's all I can tell.

But the joke was on me, because when I got there, Bill gets up, big smile, he goes, Dice, I'm glad you're here. He goes, you're gonna do Time, right? And my stomach dropped. Because the last time I did an arena was in 2000. I went back to New York and I did the Beacon Theater

and the Garden in the same week. Wow. Yeah, last week, last game of the World Series, Yankees playing the Mets, the Subway Series, sold out the garden again. But I did the Beacon on the 20th of October, 2000, and then the 26th was the garden. Because my agent didn't believe I could do the garden.

That was the joke. Because I put out a new album, and he calls me up, this is in 2000, and he goes, because the album, every copy was off the shelves the day it came out. I hadn't done an album in a long time. And it was called Face Down Ass Up. And he's like, what's the move, man? You know?

I go, book The Garden. And there's a pause on the phone he goes the garden he goes last time you did Westbury which is 3,000 seats you know he goes you did half a house what do you mean the garden you know I go I'm telling you something I know better than you he goes, why don't we do the Beacon? You know, I go, the Beacon's gonna sell out in 20 minutes. That's why. He goes, well, if it sells out in 20 minutes, we'll book the God and we'll move the show.

All right, long story short, the Beacon sold out in 35 minutes. 3,500 seats, 35 minutes. Wow. And then he talks to, I tell him you got to move the show, which he knows he can't do. He never thought the beacon would sell that quick. So he calls this legendary promoter Ron Delsner, who, you know, he's in his 80s now, but he did all those gardens and Nassau Coliseum and anything in that New York area

he would do with me, the Meadowlands. So Delsner says to him, he goes, obviously Dice knows something we don't. Let's put 10,000 tickets on sale. And the first day it was basically 8,000 tickets gone. Then they announced the subway series. Tickets slow a little bit. And then on the day of the show, Delzen is calling me going, is it okay if we open up

the back? I know how you are about getting caught. I go, do whatever you want. All I wanted to do was get pictures and let my sons, who were six and 10 at the time, just at least see their father go on in an arena rather than them being their ages now and just hearing that whole story. I wanted them to take something in.

And the agent was, I'm still with the agent. He goes, so in other words, man, you wanna do the garden for a photo op with your kids? And I go, yeah, call it whatever you want, but that's what we're doing, and we did it. So now here we are, 2024, okay? I'm thinking it's all a big joke teasing my girl, and Bill's like, no, you gotta go up there.

He goes, I go, I don't even know what I, he goes, whatever you wanna do, Dice. So I go, maybe I'll just introduce you something. Whatever you want, stage is yours. So, you know, I just start working my head over a little, you know, and then the minute the intro, his bodyguard brings me the undisputed heavyweight comedy king, the crowd already starts to cheer.

And he says my name, and they went berserk. And once I was up there, I could have done two hours for that crowd. And then it happened. Then, that's when the switch went on again, going, all right, I'm going to go back into these giant monster rooms, just stay physically fit, and I'll start doing shit. So, I don't know, it couldn't have been two weeks later. Who do you think I get a text from on a Monday night?

GNR's road manager, Tom Mayhew, going, we're gonna be, what's it called now? It was a giant stadium, MetLife Stadium. Tomorrow night, we'd love you to do a guest spot. So I'm telling you, I was shook, you know, I sit on the couch and I've told my fiance all the war stories, you know. And so when I sit down with her, she's like, you know, you don't have to do that.

And I go, yeah, but you know me. I do have to do it. The switch is on. And she watched me walk out in front of over 60,000 people. What was crazy is we're in a dressing room, we're hanging with Duff a lot. Duff's like my best friend in the band. And so now here comes the Tom and he goes, all right, it's time to go on, you know? And you start walking, you know, it's gigantic. It's a stadium. So you don't see the crowd at first. Now you start seeing them through the bleachers

and it's still daytime. And she's like, oh my God. I go, just get in on film. Just take the phone, just get this. Just get your phone out. You know, just get the phone. Yeah, get the fucking phone out. When does this happen?

It doesn't even seem real to me. Like, why am I now getting called from Guns N' Roses again? And so when I walk out there, now this isn't a crowd that's waiting for comedy, and it's not 1993. But the minute again I get introduced, they're on their feet. It's all on the Andradise Clay Instagram thing. I put up all those videos and all that.

Now, I'm looking out the window. You understand? In Manhattan, watching all the action and Sugar Plum says, oh Bill Burr is gonna be at the garden and I'm like this, really? The garden now? She goes, I don't know, you know. So I call him and he gets right into it and he goes, Dice, you want, she's almost like, you know how Rocky had Mickey in the corner? That's who she is.

That's Sugar Plum. Yeah, and Sugar Plum is the smartest. And I'm not saying this because that's who I'm with now. I mean, she's just the smartest girl slash woman I've ever been within my life. And you know, just I'm totally in love with her. And I've never had, if you knew me better and knew my relationships, you'd go, not one fight.

You know, not one. Yeah, not one, not one. She's not that girl. She's, she's selfless when it comes to me, it's amazing. But she comes, I'm in the living room, it's late, it's like 1.30 in the morning, the garden's the next day. She comes, sits on the couch. I won't tell you what she was wearing.

But she says like this, here she goes, I know what you're thinking. And I go, I go what? She goes, you don't hold back tomorrow. She goes, I know you're thinking about that. She goes, he's a great, great comic, but he also knows who he's putting on. So you go out there, that's the house, as Joe Rogan says, that's the house Dice Belt for comics. Every comic wants to do the garden, you know. It's crazy, I never realized that when I was doing those things,

that this would happen, this explosion of arena comics. It's amazing, with Shane and Bert and all the guys doing it, Rogan, everybody. So after I do that garden show, here comes Tony Hengecliffe, who's been asking me from day one to do Kill Tony. So I'm in Austin doing the mothership. We go for dinner at Vic's Steakhouse.

You ever go there? It's the best. That is great, it's fantastic. It is unreal. The dessert nearly knocks you out. That's how good it is. I love it there. So we go for dinner.

And so now we're hanging outside the restaurant It's 2 30 in the morning, whatever and all of a sudden just Tony goes into an intro for me He goes I just want you to hear this he goes, you know, I'm like known for intros Mm-hmm, and he goes into this big intro and he's holding his phone and at a certain point he hits it and there were these Rolling dice all over and it was an intro for the garden that he did this summer he was going his live podcast into Madison Square Garden and he goes you you have to do this you know and I'm like you know I'm not gonna make you ask a hundred times Tony I go but the thing is this fans, they're like in their 20s, early 30s,

you know? And he goes, he almost wanted to smack me, I could see it. He goes, who do you think's tuning in to all those, you know, videos on Instagram? 90 year olds? You know, TikTok, 90 year olds? you know, TikTok, 90 year olds. He goes, those are your fans now. And I'm going, all right, just watch the act tomorrow night.

If you see a bit or two you like, and we'll do the garden. And it was, I've never seen anything like his podcast, cause for me, forget about my set. I did my job, I killed it, and I was thrilled I did it. And I did it for the two nights, actually. And... but to watch that show, have you seen any of the live, you know, when he brings on these guys?

It's like Ringling Brothers, the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey circus of standup that you have to watch. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen. It's hard for me to watch a bunch of comics, but this, I never saw anything like it before. It's a show, it's a show. It was a, it's unreal to me that he took it to that level,

and then we did it again on the 30th and the 31st New Year's Eve. So I was supposed to do this Elvis thing, Jailhouse Rock. I've been rehearsing it. I bought the whole outfit. I got from the 68 comeback special. And now I get to Austin and I'm told by one of the musicians gets to me and he goes oh yeah we can't do that because we don't have like clearance on that so I'm like okay not a problem I enjoyed the rehearsing anyway I've done this my whole life so so I go on the first night, which is the 30th, and then for the 31st, I told Tony, I'll just go up and I do this toast with, it's New Year's Eve, I hope everybody's having

a great time, they'll yell. I go, so hold up your glasses, I just wanna toast everybody. Happy New Year's, here's to all of you. Suck in my dick. Oh! That's all it's supposed to be, right? Right.

So, the one thing about the plum, she gets nervous when I have to do something big. She gets nervous. She gets more nervous than the share so was sitting in the open them make shift dressing room and the show started new years i'd just take out a pad and just like looking she goes what what are you looking at

it because it doesn't talk like the that boy's what do you know what the whole jewish uh... manager uh... what do you do it what do you She doesn't talk like that voice. What are you looking? She's an old Jewish manager. What are you doing? What are you? Put it away, guys. I'm just checking out my notes. She goes, because she's like by the book. She was her whole life in advertising, corporations.

You know, she's a certain way when it comes to business. So if that's what I'm supposed to do, that's what I'm supposed to do. So, I mean, we're so different. She's corporate and I'm just a loose fucking can. You know, it's what made my career, okay? So I go, no, I'm just looking at some notes. She goes, but if you're just gonna do the toast, right? So I go, no, I'm just looking at some notes. She goes, but if you're just gonna do the toast, right?

So I go, okay, listen. I go, there's 18,000 people out there and millions watching on streaming. You know, that's how, you know how it goes. I go, do you think I'm actually gonna go up there and not perform? You know? Do you think I'm not gonna kill that crowd?

And the bit I did, I can't do it here because it's such an intense bit, but I took the crowd because the Undertaker was on, New Year's Eve, all right. So I come out there and I do, The Undertaker, I fucked them. Big laugh, okay. Now the kid that was on before me,

I don't know his name, but he was killing it with the crowd, with the panel, and so I do The Undertaker and I get the laugh. And then I pause. This is New Year's Eve and I look at Tony and he gets a look in his face like, what? You know, I shouldn't have even, I shouldn't have come out here, I'm sorry. And he's looking, you don't know what this, and I look over at the band, I go, I'm not looking to bring anybody, and now you feel

the crowd is, they just come down to zero halfway through this bit. I mean, you could have heard a penny roll down the aisle. That's how quiet. Because I know on the punch, they're thinking one thing, and I'm gonna throw something else, and it's gonna make the room explode, which it did. But it's such a great bit that I can't do it.

It's one of my main bits. And, you know, so, but just the look in Tony's face, like, he's gonna ruin the show. But I didn't ruin the show, and I walked off, you know, it was amazing. And, but I always look to, what, all right, I'll give you one. I give a fuck, right?

Okay, so Mo Green. Mo Green. Okay. Yeah. We're talking for a couple months and you know how huge a manager he was, he retired for a minute. Yeah. So he had the farm

and then he had another gigantic man he's like one of the top top managers of the last forty years and all the guys on his roster were crazy yeah kineson yet yet yet everybody martin you know and and i bands like Korn. Cat Williams on his rise. Yeah, gigantic. Okay. But then he retired. And the way I tell the story, I go, he came into the business sort of looking for me, you know, and I got a call from my agents because I'm looking for what I call the Rainmaker.

Because now I've decided, just go giant again. Just build up and go giant. You know, because I know how to do that. I know how to navigate it. But you need, you need, I nearly went with Doc McGee. You know, I called him. He's a rock and roll. He's a legendary rock manager.

But, great, great guy, but he just made a billion dollar deal for kiss so I think he could relax but I got to know him yeah you know cuz I'm watching the Bon Jovi you know a documentary and when my girl asked me what'd you think I go what I think is I just saw my manager, that's what I think. I'll get Doc McGee. I go, why go with a regular manager when I could get a manager that knows

how to build gigantic bands? So the McGee thing doesn't work out. He's like, he's out with his grandchildren on his boat. He's living that life. He's in his 70s. And then I get the call from Mo. And you know, I'm already in the process of this build, but I know how great Michael is as a manager

and also loves to laugh his ass off. And, you know, he just, you know, he was with Sandy Gallin, that was my manager, you know, he was like that and Rotenberg, all these, the Brillsteins, he's one of those guys. And he also has a laser focus that matches mine, to get where we wanna go. And so when we start talking,

it's just this instant energy. And we go for dinner one night, because I'm bothering, he's in LA, in energy and we go for dinner one night because uh... bother and you know he's in l a and going you you don't understand and there's nothing against you were and i think you're a great community thank you but i dice has an ego about sure i mean i don't that yet i did something

i was the first of a kind i know i did something nobody else ever did and I knew I could do it. And even back then Mitzi thought, that's never gonna happen, it's not self-deprecating. She used to criticize your act? Well she said, it's too tough and it's not self-deprecating. Comics are self-deprecating.

She should only hear me now on stage. You know, because years ago, like, it was like, Dice could kick anybody's ass and he could bang any chick. Okay? Today I'm on stage going, you know, the minute you wake up in the morning, you open your eyes, you're like, ah, ah, what's that? And my chick's going, what happened? I go, what happened?

My age, that's what happened. I? My age, that's what happened. I open my eyes, that's what happened. Did you sleep good? How good can I sleep? You're still here. And then it's like, and then you're later, you feel every ache, every pain, you realize you're on your feet,

because you're stepping on your stretched out balls, and you're kicking them into the bathroom like you're playing kick the fucking can, right in the mirror at your body going what the fuck why is the back of my ass look like a basset hound's neck you know it's stuff like that which I would have never done 30 years ago no you know the pick up something oh let somebody else get rich off $100 bill so so anyway I'm on the phone with green for about a month and a half going, look, I go, I don't know what it is in me, but I still have an unbelievable

fire inside of me. I enjoy standup more than I did 30 years ago. So I go, Michael, I'm the greatest. That's it. You know, you want want Muhammad Ali you got him. You know, that's what I studied See when I talk about Muhammad Ali see he didn't just say he's the greatest to go in the ring and he'll prove it Yeah, he was okay. Yeah, that's it. If somebody beat him. He's like, all right Give me three months and then he'd come back and beat him. Like what he did with Spinks, whatever. So if I'm telling you something about me, I know what I'm talking about and I'm willing to prove it. Okay, so he goes, okay, you know what?

I'm gonna come in for your show in Long Island at the Paramount. I wanna see it, I gotta see it already. Okay, so he comes in, and I really don't go to the clubs, and I'll just come up with a bit in my head, and I'll work it out somehow. You know, I don't mind going on at clubs,

but just looking out the window, I'll come up with a five-minute bit. So I come up with this bit, the night before he's gonna see me. It's not tried anywhere. I mean I started doing it for my girl when she was putting on her makeup but she's like, Andrew I gotta get ready. So now the show starts and I'm backstage with Happy Face. He's been like my body bodyguard for like, you know, I don't even cut he's my friend, but he protects me for since 1990 and So I'm backstage Eleanor Kerrigan's on stage

Kills yeah every show. She's great best. I can't even call it. She's just the best She's a killer on stage and and has been from day one so I Look at Happy Face, I go, so you know, Green's out there. He goes, yeah, nice guy, madam, you know. I go, I'm going to open up with like a five minute bit that I've never done. And he goes, why would you do that? And I go, because I told this guy I'm the greatest. So I got to prove it to me again. So I come out there, what was, okay. You say you have to prove it to you again.

Yeah, I like proving myself to myself. Put yourself in that corner. You know, and um, so I come up and I love the silence of a crowd. I didn't build a career with laughs. I don't, I like having them silent, just like at the new year show and digging out of it and killing them. So I open up and you could tell I'm not in the greatest mood, at least that's what they think. I don't know, you might not wanna hear this. I do. You wanna hear this?

I do. All right, so I go, it's kind of a rough day for me. They're all pumped up, but now I hear, you know. They're screaming up top. Yeah. Then you gotta put them down. I come out to rock music, my son's song, that's life, which is a heavy rock number.

I cut it, they're screaming now. I'm not talking, I'm pacing. I go, so I had a fly-in from LA and I go, you know how like years ago, it might sound funny to the audience, but like if they said a plane is taken off at 10 in the morning, it actually did that. The pilot was even there early. I'm on the plane today and they go, oh, the pilot's on his way.

What, what'd he forget? Is that what happened with this guy? I go, pilot's not your, you sit out there for three. So I said, Elna, come on, off the plane. Let's go, we gotta get a flight. We gotta get a flight, you know. It's early in the morning, I'm walking around the airport and I see this, this airline, Spirit Air,

something like, and the whole audience is like, And I see this airline, Spirit Air, something like, and the whole audience is like, oh, I go, yeah, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I just see there's no line and they got a flight going into JFK. So I come over to the girl and I'm like, yeah, I need a first class ticket if you could get me on.

She goes, she had $35. For the two, here's 100, keep the change. I didn't know it's 750 a bag, you know. Anyway, I get on the plane, it's not even like a first class, it's like folding fucking chairs, whatever. It's not even like a real seatbelt, it's not even like a first class, it's like folding fucking chairs, whatever. It's not even like a real seatbelt, it's almost like a rope. I go, and now I see there's no movies, I gotta fly across the country, they don't even have movies.

I didn't realize that about 45 minutes into the flight, the MMA fights are gonna start in the aisles, where somebody's kid crawls under a seat and the kid comes back with a Doc Marten footprint on his fucking little stupid face, like his father who's working on his little email with his backwards baseball hat, typing his email, this asshole, with his fucking backpack that I wanted to choke him to death.

So all the fights are going on and just as they start calming down all of a sudden just some guy yells out you know I just want to kill everybody and he runs for the emergency door. That's when first class and last class because there's no like real coach it's almost like like they're standing like on a train, standing up, they bond together to rip this guy off the door and all of a sudden, this I never saw on a flight where the pilot comes running down the aisle swinging,

just swinging and yelling at the guy, I'm gonna end you, motherfucker. And he starts beating that blood, blood was hitting me. He's giving this guy a beating like Joe Pesci in fucking casino, you know? And then he gets up, he grabs the stewardess, sticks like some red duct tape, the tape, gives her a kiss and he just goes love you baby and he walks away

10 minutes later they go we're on our final descent into JFK I go I never had so much fun on a flight and it never felt that quick before so so I do that bit and it gets the response you know So I do that bit and it gets the response, you know? And even Happy Face is looking from the side like. And then I start the other stuff, you know? So when I told Green, I go, you know that whole Spirit Air thing? I go, never been done. I didn't do it anyway, I tried to do it.

And my girls in the back of the escalator going, it's true, he was looking out the window thinking of this. He goes, it's not even like a joke, it's a bit. It's not even like one joke if it fails. It's a long bit, and even on stage it's long, of course I put more details into it, I'm just doing it. But if you're gonna say you're something, you gotta be able to doing it. But if you're going to say you're something, you've got to be able to prove it. You can't be a shit guitar player and go, I'm like Stevie Ray. No, you're not.

You're like a fucking retarded guy playing the fucking guitar. Don't ever pick it up again. But that's what it is. So I love proving myself. That's why I even like to go to the gym and work out. You work out? Yeah. That was the beginning, by the way.

Yeah. Right? When we started. No, no. I'm saying that was the beginning with Mo, that you started, now you organize the tour from that, right? From that moment. Well, no.

Now you're building out the arenas now? Well, well, it's, that will take a minute. Yeah. You know, you know, cause you gotta do it the right way. You gotta build it, you know. I like things to, you know, when I get in front of an audience, I really like it to be exciting for them. That's why I don't like, when I see a comic sitting, you know, I get really angry.

A sitting comic? Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. It really bothers the fuck. Especially if the guy isn't really that good. Right, right. The only comic that it should have ever set was Paul Mooney. That was it. He was phenomenal. He was aces. Chabelle said sometimes he can kill from a stool. You know what? I'd like to see it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, he's great, but I never saw him do that but i'd just you know i'd just know that when people are paying you know a lot of money and and it's twenty thousand people eighteen dot

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that's why i just say it to this day whatever i want on stage you know that's who you are yet i i love what i do and it doesn't like i here i did some stuff about getting older smith and dirty going on there you know if i am talking about sex if i'm talking about uh... let me just

uh... you know i got all the dating sites today? Do you ever go on them? Yeah, he's on all of them. So it's like, you know, so I do a bit about that, you know, which is, I don't know, from last weekend, I go, it's amazing, I go, today, you know, I see my own sons doing swiping, you know, there's no, you swipe to your left if you think she's just a big ugly cow

and you want nothing to do with her. Or swipe to your right if you could see just blowing your load all over. I go see, I don't know about you, you got a steady, you married? I married, yeah. Okay, you got a steady, you married? I'm married, yeah. Okay, are you a romantic guy? I don't know, am I romantic?

He knows, he's around. Yeah, sometimes, yeah, sometimes. When the time is right. See, I'm really, that's the side of me you don't know. That's you're a romantic guy. I'm really romantic, like extreme. Believe it or not, I'm not even kidding around. Like you go out of your way to do shit.

Yeah, like I don't wait for Valentine's Day to get my chick flowers, but let me tell you something, when I go in, I get her flowers all the time. Right. Like more times than you'd imagine, believe me. I'm sure. And like for Valentine's Day, I had like a little sit down.

I told the florist we're gonna need some time to talk about this arrangement. You made it a thing. It's always a thing. Okay. But Valentine's Day, it's gotta be special. You know? And so, but my thing as far as romance, like years ago, it wasn't swiping. You understand? It was about the chemistry. as far as romance, like years ago, it wasn't swiping.

You understand? It was about the chemistry. You go out with the girl. You know. You woo him. You sit with her in the restaurant. You know, she'll tell you how much, she eats like a bird, I only eat salad.

And then they pour an entire bottle of ranch dressing. You know? And, but you listen, there's that chemistry going on and then, you know, it's electric. You know, you're in the car, you're hearing the music. You know, it's that special time and you don't even realize that the next thing you know, like her pants are on the floor next to the bed

with her bra and her tongue. And, uh, and you're in the 69 position, let's say, with her on top, and you're working over like her sour grapefruit, right? And yet, you're staring like right into the eye of her asshole. And I'm laying there thinking, I don't even know her favorite color.

You know, but yet here I am. And I can't even really remember what her face looks like because she's playing turkey in the front down there, gobble, gobble, gobble. But at least there was a chemistry going on that got you to that place. It's not just like, oh yeah, I could see banging that one. Yeah, I wanna bang this one.

Nah, nah, nah, too fucking ugly, missing an ear, all that shit, you know But but even though it's dirty It does make a point of what it used to be as far as you meet someone you talk your call not DM me You know You know none of that. Yeah, it's like Can I call you that was a big moment years ago when you'd meet someone. Calling them on the phone.

You call girls on the phone. But it's not, how long you married? It's eight, I think. Yeah, eight, nine. How do you feel about it? Great, yeah. Kids? No kids, no kids.

Is that conscious? No, we tried and couldn't have them. Okay, okay. And then we didn't have tried and couldn't have them. We couldn't have them and then we could have gone the other route but decided no, we're just gonna do our own thing, travel more. Then I get to be, then we both get to have our careers and do our thing.

But more free, you know? It's a little bit easier when we're on the road together too. You know what, see a lot of people have kids because the parents pressure them for the grandchildren. Certain people just don't want kids. Not that they don't like them, right. They just don't want that kind of commitment. I wanted kids. Yeah. Yeah. So I look at it like electric cars. I'm sure they're great. I just I'm not really interested. I'm sure they're fucking great. You're looking at a car like a kid. That's hilarious. I'm sure they're great. I'm sure I'm glad people like them. I don't. I don't like them. I can't take a car that doesn't make

noise. Right I like noise. You know what I mean? Like what is that? You turn, like I have a dodge challenge of the minute you hit the button. Boom. You know? You hit a Tesla, it's like, is it on? It's a vacuum. I don't know what it is. It sounds like a fucking vacuum. And now that they have, you know.

Well, Elon, Elon, Elon's, Elon now makes them, if you turn them on, it recites Mein Kampf instead of an engine noise. It'll read the entire mine conf you know this front to back are you to the i need to ask you by the way home before we go are you gonna tour this into another new our or not are you record a new our from with this tour

c i don't i don't work like that but you do what i want to know another hour ever like like i don't know i don't know because fans wanna now fans want you to put out another hour i've gotten that a lot you know but you're adverse to it or you still not adverse to it it's just i don't believe in doing two shows to record something share like if i did one i just want trust me is a god beg hb now they do it I go just go live

with me just go live. You could do that now. Well what I did do I did Pay-Per-View it was the first comic to ever do a stand-up Pay-Per-View yeah and and that was it was great because it was just live and it went out live and then I did another one where I like introduced other comics. But yeah, that's how I went live. But back then they were like, no, we can't we got to record two shows and edit them. You know, and they were great. But I wanted to go live. I was willing to take the chance of going live. And plus I was doing 80 to 100,000 people a week. Why not? Just do it, let's go.

But you won't do that now moving forward, you don't think? I can't say I won't do it. If it builds to the level I know it's gonna go to, I just know me, I know it's gonna go to. I just know me. I know my drive. And there's some other things surrounding it. Oh, she was here now. She'd wanna smack me.

Yeah, I have a movie coming out with Eddie Murphy and Pete Davidson. Oh shit. When's it coming out? He can look it up. Do you know how to look that up? Yeah, he can look it up. Yeah, that was exciting to do.

You know, cause Eddie was always great with me. But he was great with me before I ever made it. He'd actually, what? The pick up? The pick up. Pick up. Yeah. So.

Netflix probably, yeah. Does it say when it's coming out Amazon Amazon is coming out Doesn't say okay, so but when I got that call To you know to work with Eddie. I just I just went you said yes, no matter what yeah He's the greatest he is you know I say I'm greatest, but I'll give it up for Eddie Murphy, because he made it as the stand-up he is, and as a movie star.

Yeah, he was a movie star. I went through the controversy, so I went, I got blocked is what happened to me. But Eddie was watching me for years before my career took off, and it was great, he comes over to me one night, this is when it was happening now, you know, and he comes over to me one night, I just got done with the LA Forum,

and I think he came to that show, and comes over to me, goes, why do you think you're drawing 20,000 people a night? Because he didn't do that. For him, 6,000, 7,000, that was it back then. You're not thinking, I'll go next door to the sports arena. Nobody was thinking in that way. And I go, why do your movies make three and 400 million?

Let's switch. But he also understood, like I grew up loving Elvis and studying Elvis, so did Eddie. And that's why when he did those concerts, he's like in the purple leather, red leather, he understood the whole thing about being a showman, a real showman. He just, I guess, just didn't even think.

Maybe we just go into the main arena, you know, because the garden has, it's either a five or 6,000 seat theater inside there. But I had a plan. It was like, I'm either gonna be the biggest comic ever or nothing's gonna happen. There was gonna be no in between, you know? So now, once I saw the way,

that night when Green came to Long Island, all the way home, he was pumped up, going back to the city and he was like, he goes, I knew it was gonna be good He goes I knew that he goes I know your career because but I didn't know it was gonna be that good I got that's why I wanted you to come see it. I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is so The next night we go for dinner at this Italian place. I like eat at, and it's really just me and Green

in there, and we're strategizing. And he looks at me and he says, do you really believe that we can go to that level? I said, well, there are people that have the dream and they have the belief, and then there are just people that know what they're gonna do and are supposed to do. And that's the path I'm supposed to take, you know? And so that's what we're aiming towards with other things surrounding it. Wow.

You know, there'll probably be another TV show, there'll be this movie. You have to do other things than just Instagram, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. Everything has to fit together. So like you now, like you're in concert now, right? Are you set with the whole tour? I just finished, I just shot a special for Hulu in Minneapolis and I did... I like what Hulu started they're doing they're doing good they got you know well they took a bunch of people and took them from Netflix and Amazon and whatever and yeah I don't get into the politics yeah

but I just think it's great that no it's good that they're doing stand-up now no it's good and so I'm taking a little break I'm working on other shit and then we'll see what the next thing has and the people have asked what do you know what's the next thing that are you gonna tour again? And I'll figure it out. I'm taking my time off of this because I toured for like two years almost. So I'm I need to sit down for a little while. But also understand that you know even though you like you said you put together a new hour. Yeah. That's what you did. Yeah. But don't think that the fans the real fans that that you initially got don't wanna hear the other stuff. If I do beginning to end all new stuff,

if I don't do the mother goo stuff, they're gonna leave the show going, well it was good but he didn't do the riddles. They wanna hear the hits. Yeah, it's like the way I say it was good, but he didn't do the riddles. Yeah, they want to hear the hits. Yeah, it's like the way I say it to them, I'll go, you know what, I go, I know how you people came to know me. I just know. And I go, but it's like, I get it.

It's like if you went to see Billy Joel and he doesn't sing like, just the way you was. You know, I love like just the way you was. You know, I love you just the way you was. Yeah, yeah, whatever. So you would leave that show going, it was great, but why didn't he sing his original hit? They wanna hear the hits. They wanna hear the hits.

I don't care if you're a rock star or a comic, they wanna hear. There are times I throw in real old classic dice bits, and I'll tell them after I do the bit that basically, I'm sorry I did that, I don't do that anymore. But I'll do, like when I talk about, you know, like trans testicles, you meet the girl of your dreams,

you're wine or dine, you put your hand up a skirt, you're holding a tree trunk, and they go crazy. And then I go, but forget I said that, because I don't do those things anymore, it's not nice. You know. How timeless. It comes right back, huh? Yeah, and you know, when, like even the new school stuff,

like, you know, when I talk about, like, you know, during the pandemical, you know, which is what I call it, you know, I hate it when they, what was the name, COVID? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Number one, if you get COVID today, you're just an asshole. You know, that's what I think of people getting it today. It's like, I haven't heard of any, my cousin of mine, right? Stefan, Steve, Stewie, not Stephen. So he calls me up, he goes, you're not gonna believe it.

I got COVID, I go, what, you allowed to curse on these? Yeah, yeah. I go, where the fuck did you get it from? You live in the middle of nowhere, where are you getting it? But it is funny to watch like your family and friends age. That's why, you know, we all gotta age, but I do love being in a gym and exercising.

You're keeping it right. You know, yeah, like I said, the fat just spells I've given up. Right. You know, it's just failure. Well, you haven't given up. But what I'm saying, so Stephen, Steve, Stewie? Stewie.

Stewie. Stewie and Rose will make the wife's name. So he calls me up. And this is the cousin that would call me 30 years ago. OK, going, oh, and he's a bass player. He got to play with all these big time rock guys. So anyway, he called me up 30 years ago, you're not gonna believe this.

I go, why? He goes, so last night I met Limelight, right? And this guy's chick took me and blew me on a metal staircase behind the, Limight was a giant like a studio 54 time. He goes, Oh, this chick was sucking my dick for an hour, you know, and now he calls me and he goes, you're not gonna believe it. I go, Yeah, well, he goes, I got my blood work back. I'm like, Yeah, okay, so, well, I got high cholesterol, my pressure's up, I gotta stop eating cheese.

I just fucking hang up on them. You know, I'm telling you, how old are you now? 41. All right, don't make friends after 42 years old. This is it. I'm telling you something, I looked ahead, that's why Rodney used to like to hang out with the young comics. Because all the people his age, that's what you,

oh my blood, I gotta get a little cancer removal, get the fuck out of my house with your cancer. You know, years ago, you get cancer, it's a fucking death sentence. You know, today, I gotta get a little, what, the mole on your ear? You call that cancer? You know, my, I gotta get a little, what, the mole on your ear? You call that cancer? You know, my father came home, I'm not even kidding,

and I do this in the act, but I'm not even kidding. So, this is when I was a kid, I was like 12 years old. So he comes home, went to visit his friend Frank at the hospital, and Frank had an operation. And today, everything's about a procedure. Everything's like pussy. You know, everything today is just soft. They're, you know, just fucking pussied out, you know.

I gotta get a procedure. Years ago, you say to somebody, I gotta get an operation. You know, like what? What happened? It's interesting to hear it. gotta get an operation. Yeah, like what? What happened? It's interesting to hear it. When they say procedure, yeah, who cares? Who cares if you see the sun come up? You know?

So, you know, so my father comes home, my mother's in the kitchen smoking, like she smoked like 120s. You know, I went to hundreds, that's it. I wasn't smoking at 12 though, just to. Not yet, yeah. And so my mother's there and she's like, so how's Frank?

Like she cared. If she cared, why didn't she go visit with my dad? Right, right. My father's like, you know, he's all right. I mean, he's a vegetable, which is the greatest word. When was the last time you heard somebody call he's a vegetable? Oh, but the doctor said, like, when he taps his foot,

he's really happy. So he did a lot of the tapping, you know, and he goes, so I'm never going back to see him again. He's a fucking vegetable. And it would just, I just look at my parents and I wanted to say to my mother, like, you know, you didn't even go with him. What do you care how Frank's doing? You hate Frank. All you've ever said is bad things about Frank. Now you got what you want. He's a fucking vegetable. She won in the long run.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, she won in the long run. She won in the long run. That's right. You know, and then, you know, yeah. Now, I just love what we do to, you know, isn't it the greatest just to do what you want when you want to do it? Well, like what you just said. What did you say? I taught for two years. Two years you want when you want to do well but what you just said what did you say

I toward for two years or two years yet I want to take it easy now I mean I look I'll say what about you and Bobby don't you toward you were doing some shows were we did 68 shows or something like that and then we're doing the London Dublin and then we're taking another little break because we want to gear up to do a big tour probably in a year we're gonna make a whole because we want to gear up to do a big tour,

probably in a year. We're gonna make a whole new show because when we do a show, we do, there's an hour or so of stand up and then hour and a half of bullshit. I mean, goofing off in bits from the show and all that. Like the two of you together. Yeah, we get on stage, we interact with the audience,

they get to come up and they get involved and we do you know bits from the show that we've pulled that we do back and so we write a whole show for the show okay it's kind of great and it's a lot of its improv a lot of its you know what is it for podcasting uh... i started my show this show eight years ago and then he started his tiger belly ten years ago or so more and then we did our two shows together we just kept doing these shows too because this is so separate from that this I get to really sit and talk and know someone

And dig them out and on there is cartoon chaos It's you know that's like that's like the playpen and this is a little bit more Stimulating yeah, this is a little bit more more like really yeah No bad friends when we do bad friends together bad friends what happened to Tiger Bell that's still on? He's still doing that somewhere in his garage somewhere, but that's what I'm saying It's all these podcasts Yeah But for us is they they service different things like I like to sit one-on-one with people on this and when that that shows Crazy he works on that show too

But this I get to know you because we don't really get to know you well So this gets to me like dig in and know you, you know? And me getting to know you. That's exactly right, that's right. My question is, what do you even need him for? The kid? No, no, no, no. Bobby? No, I'm teasing, I love him.

Well, what I need him for is recommendations for restaurants and to guide him through life. We all need a Bobby. No, he's great. We used to, you know, I used to film all these guys not on stage I was I was doing what I called the show You know Mike Black Bobby Mars Gibran. Yeah, they were all in it Yeah playing characters and they were all new at the store and I came in there, I made the store like my set.

Yeah. You know, I changed all the bulbs in the kitchen, red, blue, green, so the lighting was softer and I remember Rogan coming over to me because he would see like I had the video camera, action, I'd be telling waitresses, okay, I need you, you're in my shot, you gotta get out. This is during work hours, you know? And here comes Rogan one night, and he goes, can I ask you something? What are you doing with the camera?

I go, oh, no, it's the show, you know? He goes, what show? I go, mine, it's the show, you know. He goes, what show? I go, mine, it's a show I'm filming. Two nights later, he had a camera. He wasn't doing what I was doing, but he knew it was smart to document. You know what I mean?

But I had these guys and Bobby, there was always friction with me and Bobby's camera. There always is. There's one thing that, I got it on my phone somewhere, and it's to, when the Levee Breaks is playing, and he just comes through the doors of the kitchen,

like a cowboy. And I'm in a motorcycle jacket, and I'm staring at him, and he's staring at me and the cameras moving in Um, but and then he just walks out That's perfect. It was great. Yeah, Steve. Simone his character's name was misery Now that you have yeah, cuz he was always miserable. Yeah, and um no longer by the way No, no, he's loving his life. He's in happiness down there

You know and um You know Mike black. Oh, yeah, okay, so Remember the booth in the kitchen that sees both the glass with the glass table So I come over to Mike black one night, and I go I see that you watch and you want to uh? You want to be in the show? You know, because I'd love it, you know. And I go, all right, this is what I want to do with you. We're going to go to the top of the stairs, the belly room, for the first shot and I'm going to throw you down the stairs and then I'm going to get it from two other angles

so it could cut together. Right. And he goes, what do you mean? And then I'm gonna get it from two other angles so it could cut together. Right. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, I'm gonna throw you down the stairs. And Eleanor's standing there because she was part of the show, you know. And he goes, why am I getting thrown down the stairs?

I go, because that's gonna be your entrance into the show. He goes, I don't wanna be thrown down the stairs. Well, then you don't get on the show. No,, I don't want to be thrown down the stairs. Well then you don't get on the show. No, no. So I said to him, I go, why not? That's what you do. He goes, what do I do? Somebody told me he was a stunt man.

Oh, shit. So I'm just figuring this is nothing for a guy like this. This guy jumps off a building. I just want to throw you down a flight of steps. Which, when I tell, he goes, who told you I'm a stunt man? Just the greatest. He's no stunt man, by the way.

No, he's no stunt man. He knows how to put a picture of himself on a shirt, though. That is correct. So all the guys were in that, you know, and at the time I wasn't supposed to be like going with Eleanor. So Steve Rennazizzi would spot us like hugging and stuff. You know, and running to tell somebody.

Snitching. And it would just go on and on. And Mazdebrani, so he plays the foreign comic. He does that well. And so our first scene together, you know, he's just coming into the comic. He's still in the park in Latin. I'm against the Cadillac and the motorcycle thing.

I go, hey, you. You know, it's so much fun to watch these. Because the comics would gather around a monitor that I'd bring to the comedy store to watch the edits, you know. So here he comes, you know, I go, hey, you. And he goes, can I help you with something? And I go, you're the, you're the foreign guy from the middle or something? And he goes, the Middle East.

And I go, yeah, well, I'm from Brooklyn. And he goes, I might be coming there. And I'm looking, and I might be waiting. That was the intro. That's great. And then one night, remember the phone? Oh, yeah. There was a phone. That's great. And then one night, he's, remember the phone? Oh, yeah. There was a phone.

Oh, yeah. So the light above the phone, I put a red bulb. So you know it was ringing. I always wanted the phone lit red. Right. So he's on the phone, and I come over like, and I go, I got you. I got you.

You think you were going to fool me like you're fooling everybody else here? And he comes, he goes, can I please finish the you think you were gonna fool me like you're fooling everybody else here?" And he comes, he goes, can I please finish the conversation with my mother? You know? And then one time, Renazzi is using the urinal in the original room, and I come,

and Maz is on stage, and I come in there, I go, you're not gonna believe it. He's on the stage right now He's going who and he's zipping himself. I go the foreign comic He goes he's a great guy You know his name's Mars Gibranis a great You know so everybody had like misery would come through the back doors car. I'm gonna fucking kill him. It was always aggravated Can you still see these out yeah i have it all you put it all up

why don't you put it up because you don't really put it up i get it but in this generation he tells you they want to see all that well now and then some clips i have on my phone so like you know how are you with the skateboard oh yeah I got a few good ones with him number one one time he went down sunset and bashed into the back of a truck which was great a parked fucking truck near Mel's

that I want to see another one is where and I had him do it that the swinging doors of the the bar yeah I had if I did it one angle, I must have done it 10 different angles of him coming through those doors. He smacks up and he's on the floor and I just walk by and I go, stupid. But just you see him keep hitting the door over, it just repeats. I think you need to put it all up.

One time my kid, he was like nine years old, he told Ari off as they're playing foosball. You know, that Ari says to my son, who's now 30, he goes, you know, I don't think your father's funny, they're playing foosball, you know. My kid's like, what's that? He goes, I don't think your dad's funny. He goes, really? Have you done the Rosemont Horizon

in Chicago? And Ari's looking, he goes, have you done the Philly Spectrum? Have you done the Rose Bowl? And Ari, this is to a little kid, he's going all insecure, he goes, I work. And he walks away. Oh, so much fun we had with them.

I wanna see these. Wherever these are, you gotta put them up. Well, I gotta. Have someone cut it. Exactly. Have one, like this kid, have him cut it. People always ask me about it. And the few things I do have on my phone,

I put up sometimes. And Ari and Bobby, oh, they would fight. Oh yeah. In this thing. Notoriously. And Ari and Bobby, they would fight. Oh yeah, notoriously. In this thing. You know. No more, now they're leveled out. No, but this is near the washer dryer.

Yeah, yeah. That we do one where Ari is just smacking Bobby's head into the dryer like a hundred times. I'd love to see that. To some crazy heavy metal music, then hits him with a box of glasses and everybody there in the kitchen, nobody's trying to end the fight. No. Just screaming and yelling, kill him! Just kill him! I say that every day. Because Ari was going, I think... doing a talk show leno and

bobby comes over to antagonize them and so so what are you up to and uh... he goes yeah just uh... under the leno goes can be canceled you know bobby goes is going to cancel and and are so on leno it's going to be canceled you know yet then the fight starts because

for no reason bobby just smacks him in the face bobby's got his reasons uh... he's got that all of that's what it's like working with him every day or really whatever's going through his fucking head yet just bullock what what what he's got i mean you know we had a guest on the other day who's uh... a larger man and i was like well he's gonna make fat jokes the entire time and literally with the person who know he did the whole time he couldn't stop that's what it is with that guy

it's a beautiful marriage and i'm happy that he's my uh... he's my work husband but it's also a fucking nightmare i want to talk about bobby Let me say this. I want to say I appreciate you coming on the show. It means a lot to me because and I'm excited to see what the next chunk is for you, regardless of if you put it out, make an hour out of it or whatever. But I do think this second birthing of you again, of whatever you want to call it, of your kind of coming back out in your own way

is big and good for the comedy community. Yeah, it's been having a great time. So thank you for coming back. I think it's... I'm excited to see it and excited to see it continue on to the thing that you professed it to be. Thank you. Thank you. And I love what you guys are doing

and what you're doing. Thank you. We're going to keep trying. We're going to keep trying to grow. All right, so let me say this. I appreciate you coming on. We end the show the same way. Look in that camera right there. Okay.

And you end the show by saying one word or one phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready. One word or a phrase to end the episode. Not Stefan, right? Mm-mm, it's Stewie. Stewie. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.