Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Anjelah Johnson-Reyes

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

On the show this week is Anjelah Johnson-Reyes! We delve into Anjelah's journey through the world of comedy, from her early days as a professional cheerleader to her breakout success as a comedian and her new role as an expecting mother. What's a lovely and funny woman. Check out her new stand-up special "SAY I WON'T" out now on YouTube! #anjelahjohnson #sayiwont #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino ======================= SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey GAMETIME Download the App Use PROMO CODE: WHISKEY HELLO FRESH Get 16 FREE meals PLUS FREE SHIPPING PROMO CODE: WHISKEY16 https://hellofresh.com/whiskey16 MANSCAPED 20% OFF WITH FREE SHIPPING PROMO CODE: WHISKEY https://manscaped.com ======================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. It's Angela Johnson. Reyes! Angela Johnson, so funny, been at it for a long time. We talk about her position in the biz, NASS, what she's up to next, and that she's pregnant. She gonna be a mama soon. Almost popped on the show. So funny. Check her out. Check her special out. It's in the description below. And check me out.

Me and Bob are on the road. Hey, we're on the road. Bad Friends Tour is all over the country. We're adding dates. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com is where you to go to get damn tickets. We're going to be all over the place, and we're adding dates. I think we're going to, where are we going to be?

We're going to Florida, then San Diego, Riverside. Four dates in Florida, Jacksonville, St. Pete's, Orlando, Hollywood. Then we go San Diego, Riverside. Then we go up back to the East Coast, Jersey, New York, Baltimore, Philly. We're everywhere. Go to BadFriendsPod.com, BadFriendsPod.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the East Coast, Jersey, New York, Baltimore, Philly. We're everywhere. Go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests when I meet him once again. Today, it's Angela Johnson. Angela Johnson Reyes. Yeah.

I have to add the N now. I like how you gave me the Spanish accent for the whitest parts of my names. And then. And Hila Johnson Reyes. Yes. Now, do you still go by Angela Johnson or do you say Angela Johnson Reyes always now? Both. I forget.

I forget. I try to include my married name. I didn't include it until I was 10 years in married. I was like, you know, he's earned it. Let me just throw it in. He's proved he's going to stick around. Make him prove that name. And then, so now I try to add it in to everything, but I forget.

And I'll go, oh, Angela Johnson. Reyes. Yeah, I'm married. But it has been Angela Johnson for so long, and the name is so catchy. Yeah. So, Angela Johnson Reyes. It's going to take some getting used to. It will. Look, get used to

it America and international fans because this is how it is now. It's hyphenated. That always reminds me of the movie Big. I don't know if you remember the movie Big? Where she comes in the room and she's like, it's Donaldson Hicks. Sometimes it's with the hyphen. Sometimes she spells the hyphen. And I always thought that was hilarious

about people that combine last names because we got into that discussion. You know, my lady was like, did we want the last name? How do we do this? And we had a friend of ours who made a new last name. What? Like they just combined like half of yours, half of mine? No, they legally went and picked a new last name that they liked.

Stop it. Uh-huh. Stop. Yes, they did. They did. Chartreuse. No. No, that's not it. But they. Uh-huh. Stop. Yes, they did. They did. Chartreuse. No. No, that's not it. But they did pick a real last name. They picked a new last

name together because they thought we're starting a new family, which I thought was kind of, they both kind of came from, I don't know if they liked their families. Are they vegan? No, no, no. Sounds like a vegan thing. No, no, no, no. They didn't like their families. Okay. One of them didn't have a relationship with their parents. The other one had kind of a broken home so they were like we're starting a new

i like that what's wrong with that i i actually i respect that i think it's i think that's the i didn't at first but when you brought in the childhood trauma i was like i approve isn't that what we all have yeah is that what we all suffer with tremendously speaking of childhood trauma can't wait to see what you do to this one yes Yes! Let's see. What are we talking? A boy? A girl? You gonna let it pick? You gotta let it pick. You gotta let your baby pick these days. She's gonna start out a girl. They will start out a girl.

They will. Watch your words over here, man. This is LA. How you're trying to get canceled. It's insane to think that that's a real thing. Gotta let them choose. Well, not I mean, not yet. It's gonna be a little girl. She's full on a girl. And I'm gonna guess her name right now.

Mirabelle. Sheila. Pequeño. Do you know the name? Are you willing to say it or no? We don't have a name picked yet. Good, good. But that's funny because my friend Mal Hall, he tours with me.

You know I love Mal Hall. I love Mal. Every time I talk to him, he gives the baby a different name. And he's like, how's Lolita doing? How's Lolita? Like just all the different names. And I'm like, oh my gosh, no. He's got two?

Yeah. He's got two. Is he going to go for more, you think? I don't know. Yeah. Two seems like a pretty good number. More than two seems like, pretty good number more than two seems like uh-oh here's the thing when i see people announce like on instagram that they're

having a baby i'm like oh my god that's so cool and then they announce like a second baby i'm like no way once they get to three i'm like let's relax cut it out what are we doing that's what you comment on instagram cut it out just stop enough enough is enough I have a friend who has five and I think he's off his rocker I'm like dude slow down

get snipped cut it out and he's like nah if we have another one we have another one that's kind of how they feel I come from a huge family and I love that

I love that about my family I have so many cousins so many aunts and uncles my grandma's a sibling of 25 she had stop stop yeah 25 yeah she's why way too many people mexican mexican mexicano well you gotta do god's will 25 my

grandmother's one of 10 i thought that was a lot 25 that's a lot it is what about you you're one of how many she had eight my grandma had eight herself and then my mom was the youngest of the eight and then my mom had four and then now i just have one and this is it yeah i mean i think it's nice to tear it off i'm 41 i started very late hey hey that's what's up yeah i started really i was like you know let's wait until i'm considered geriatric and make it adventurous yeah they call geriatric pregnancy. Because after you have the baby, you have to have a walker for the rest of your life. That's it. You're considered high risk.

Tennis balls rolling around. But the baby's good. Everything's healthy and everything's good. Yeah, we're good. I mean, she's like small, so I'm technically like high risk. But I'm like, I think she's small just because I'm small. Yeah, you're not a big person. Yeah, and they're just like, oh no, she's pretty small. You're high risk. And I'm like'm small. Yeah, you're not a big person. Yeah, and they're just like, oh, no, she's pretty small. Like, you're high risk.

And I'm like, okay, so. Yeah, but you were probably tiny. What were you when you came out? Let me get, hold on, hold on. Okay, guess. Six pounds, five ounces. I was six pounds. I don't know how many ounces, but yes.

Ooh, this is good, right? Yeah, you're pretty good. What was I? Give it a guess. Seven. Seven, 11. Ooh. Seven, 11. My sister was fat. was fat she's gonna listen this and be pissed she was eight something big old porky baby dude she came out eating she was still eating yeah they had to put her back in to finish and they took her back yeah she was a big she was a big girl um i want to talk to you about so many things. Okay. First of all, congrats on three layers.

Baby, book special. Yeah, thank you. Checked out the special. Lovely, wonderful. It also gave me nostalgia vibes because we just did Nashville. We were in Nashville like a month ago, not even. I don't know. A month, something like that.

And the Ryman was, I mean, it's easily not only one of the most beautiful venues I've ever played but it was it's also uh the sound and the acoustics are so loud and heavy and on top of you you really feel like they're all in it together some places are spread out yeah and it just doesn't transfer sometimes yeah not there man that was amazing yeah the history of the venue as well to think like johnny cash and elvis and dolly parton and then they let us riffraff in there come in and tell some jokes i know it's wild it's a little i did feel a little disrespectful i'm like why am i in johnny cash's isn't there isn't there a scumbag room for us in the basement rude yeah it's legends and then me and bobby lee bobby's naked upstairs playing the piano.

But it was incredible. Also, I don't know if I should say it, but at the end, you show the audience a little gift, which I love to watch because I'm a big fan of your little friend that you brought out. My dog. Yeah, I don't know if you want to say it. Yeah, yeah, no.

I bring him out after all my shows. Big fan of that. He knows his part. It's part of the show he knows he did put on a show he had his paws kind of lined up like pictures now if you'd like them he knows the end of my set because i take him with me on the road he has he knows your closer yeah he does we have it on video because danielle my road manager she'll come with me and she'll video he'll be asleep either in his little bag or like on the couch in the green room and as soon

as i start my closer he pops his little head up. And like he's waiting for his turn to go running out on stage and come get his applause. Does he give you joke notes? Does he tag stuff and punch stuff up for you? I wish. I wish he made himself useful. Yeah, do something more, buddy. You want more treats?

Give me a tag for this. This joke isn't working. That's got to be fun to travel with the dog. I know a lot of people do that. I would love to travel with my dog, but my wife wouldn't like it. She wants the dog at the house. So, you know, selfishly,

she gets to be comfortable at home and the dog. I have to be in, you know. I mean, it makes sense. You're leaving, like, you leave her with somebody. I guess. No, there is. There's a whole, for some reason, every time I leave town,

there's always someone working on the house, and I guess they sleep over a lot of times. They got into the roof. That's what my ring camera says. I don't know. They don't like to leave. He stayed late for some reason. She's like, the roof is still leaking.

It's not even raining, but it's leaking. That's interesting, but okay. But you wrote, did you write a book before you put out the special? I mean, like when was this going on? You wrote the book, put it out, then pushed out the special. Yeah. So I wrote it during quarantine when we were all home. Oh, nice.

Smart. But I started a document on my computer like 10 years ago if I ever wrote a book. Because, okay, you know, in stand-up, we got to cut the fat. You get to the punchline, just say what you need to say. But there were some stories that i had that all the details were super juicy and important and i tried them on stage and they just wouldn't work and i was like i know this is a good story it's just not right for stand-up yeah and i'm like i'm gonna save this for a book one day and so i started this document on my computer and i was like if i ever write a

book this is gonna be in one of the chapters and so i just started adding all my stories there and so that's kind of how it started. And then 2020, I was like, well, I guess it's time. Time to put it out. Time to get pregnant, have a book, have a special all at the same time. I think after this, you should take a big break. I probably should. Go away for a while, chill out, do your thing.

Where is a getaway that you've never been that you've always wanted to go? Like a baby. What do they call it? A baby moon? Isn't that what it is? Yeah, we didn't do a baby moon. We were going to. Are you allowed to do that after you have a kid?

I don't know if it's the same thing. Just hand the kid to your parents and go, going on vacation. Vacation, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we didn't do a baby moon because I was on the road

and I was like, my husband loves to travel and I'm like, I travel for a living. I don't want to. It's hard to go on vacation. It's hard for me to go on vacation because I'm like, I just want to be home.'m never home that's funny not me i'm the opposite oh really well we travel so much as stand-ups but when i'm vacation santino is a different guy i am

i am the most chill i've ever been i go with the flow i don't care that thing like at home i'm so anxious and i'm trying to line everything up and scheduling and this and that and canceling this and just when i'm on vacation dude it's it's i'm a ghost i don't exist yeah it's the one thing i think i've learned to be good at and we're taking a big big one this year but um if you got it you got to do it a little bit more i can't tell you i don't want to sell to the fans okay yeah i don't tell them where i'm gonna go well you know because then they know a little more about where you're going and this is just for me okay just leave me alone you're not invited but i will tag it when i get there yeah yeah i will yeah no i don't you know what's so funny i never post on social when i go to a place until i'm way gone if i do it's like i've it was like a week and a half after i've already been there oh i usually do it like when I'm in the car driving away.

That's when I tag. No, because then they can still get you. And they know where you are. Well, now that you're going to be the baby, are you going to do this thing? It's always interesting. You know when people cover up their baby's faces on Instagram? Is this going to be you too? I don't think so.

Putting a rose on the face or whatever? I don't think I'm going to do that. I feel like I share so much of my life on social media. I can't imagine my child doing something adorable and me not sharing it. You know what I mean? I can't. I mean. Well, you're probably going to have a good looking kid.

I hope so. Because your husband's very handsome. He's very. I hope my kid looks like him. You didn't get any of the looks, unfortunately. I am the personality of our relationship. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Yeah. You're the uggo. So it's's probably gonna be a good looking kid well let me tell you it's not guaranteed like i know pretty people can have uglies that's right can we name some go ahead let's start okay no we open up all celebrities i'll tell you who's got an ugly kid no but also one of my good friends when i was a kid, his parents were very, very unattractive. I'm not going to say who because he probably listens to the show sometimes. But his parents were very kind of homely looking people. He was the most handsome dude. He still is a very handsome adult male.

Yeah. So he kind of tricked the universe a little bit. I'm a little, that's why I'm a little concerned. Yeah, you should be. And then sometimes if you have a cute baby, not guaranteed to follow all the way through as an adult. I've seen this. Starts out good. Yeah.

Spoils later. By the time they get like 17, like their skin's falling off. They're balding. Punch back. Is it gluten we should cut? What is it? You know what I mean? Like it's not guaranteed.

Are you doing any crazy diet stuff? Are you doing wild, weird diet stuff? What's the craving? You got a craving like hot dogs with, you no it's just been dairy like no dairy or all dairy all like i want all the dairy like just give me like whole milk vitamin d ice cold cow in a cup like that's all i want nice yeah cereal but also this cereal is really just a vehicle to get the cold milk into my body i think it's just milk. Just drink milk.

I had a friend in college who would like drink a gallon of milk in the dorm. My dad does that. He's in his 70s. I'm not joking. This is the most disgusting thing I think ever. He likes to go on road trips. He does his Harley trips. He rides a Harley Davidson.

But also he'll just drive his car to, you know, Mexico, Phoenix and go hang out with family and friends. His ice chest for his road trip has milk in it. A gallon of milk. He'll just drive his car to, you know, Mexico, Phoenix, and go hang out with family and friends. His ice chest for his road trip has milk in it, a gallon of milk, because he drinks milk. No water, no hydrating liquids. No, a gallon of milk to drink his milk on his road trips. Well, I got to tell you, 70, and he sounds like he's still doing good, so maybe milk is the answer. Maybe it is, but that's disgusting. Is it whole milk? Probably. Wow, Papa. It's gross. good, so maybe milk is the answer. Maybe it is, but that's disgusting. Is it whole milk? Probably.

Wow, Papa. It's gross. Papa, that's gross. Like, you don't even— Yeah. Because after a while, your mouth is going to taste gross. Like, after I have cereal, I have to brush my teeth again because I'm not going to have the milk taste stay there. You don't want milk mouth, no.

No, and you're going from the Bay Area to Phoenix on milk? Disgusting. Yeah, that's pretty gross. I'm not gonna lie. That's pretty gross. They're still up in the Bay, huh? Yeah, my dad, yeah. That's home for you. I mean, I love it up there. Where are you from? Chicago. Okay.

Did you start in the Bay when you started stand-up? Where'd you start? L.A. You started down here. This is me. I started out here, too. But you started your life in the Bay, then you moved down here and started to stand up and then now do you think you're gonna stick in la or are you gonna go back up north uh we partly live in nashville god bless yeah we're half half nashville half here and we know why it's tax purposes you can just say it listen it's taxes and also my husband's

in the music industry. Sure. So that helps. He has music writing sessions all the time. We've been going to Nashville for years and years. And we've had property there that we would rent out because we were always there. We would tour out of Nashville when he was touring as a musician, but he's not anymore. So we've had community there for a long time. And we're like, you know what?

These taxes are getting ridiculous. Maybe we should just it's disgusting well where is that where's the uh where's the little mugato gonna get raised then well we're gonna start here because my family's here yeah and then we'll be here for a few months and then we'll finish the year in nashville i dig it good for you man it's not by coastal i don't know what to call it i know i i just say Bicostal, but it's not. It is kind of. It's Bicostal. I don't know what it is. We should come up with a name, though. Yeah, we'll start a new name. It's like

Coast Landlocked. Coastmid. Bicostmid. I like that. Bicostmid. That does sound like a medicine commercial. Bicostmid. Yeah. Are you having pains in the back of your neck all the way down to your anus by kosmid by kosmid side effects are way worse obviously no but i do dig nashville i'm

not gonna lie i like nashville what a funky cool place of like different culture different different kinds of stuff that i kind of wasn't ever used to yeah chic. Chicago to here. Well, I lived in Arizona. I went to Arizona State. So Chicago, Arizona here. I didn't really get that vibe down there until I started to go. And then I was like, oh, I actually like it. When did you go to Arizona State? Are we the same age? Pretty close, yeah.

I'm 41. Yeah, I'll be 40 this year. I graduated in 06, 05, 06. Oh, okay. Yeah. Why, were you out there? You weren't out there. No, my cousin went to Arizona State. What? Were you out there? You weren't out there. No.

My cousin went to Arizona State. What was his or her name? Her name is Michelle. She's also redhead. Wait a minute. You don't know. Say her last name on the count of three. One, two, three.

Connelly. Connelly. Oh, my God. Connelly? Yeah. Michelle Connelly. I hooked up with Michelle Connelly when I was a kid. Yes, I did.

Michelle Connelly, I miss you. She gave me my first scare, actually. Had to go to the clinic. Michelle, bad girl. Michelle was a bad girl, dude. Did you go to school? Did you go to college? No, I did junior college for a little while.

JC. Yeah. And then you started pom-pom swinging, huh? Yep, I did. I went, I was a cheerleader. Well, I grew up cheerleading since I was a kid. Did Pop Warner, high school and college, all-stars. But all-stars means you don't have to go to college. It's just an organization outside that your college age.

Because you're too good. You were too good. You skipped. You skipped through. I skipped. And then I did professionally for the Oakland Raiders. Went to the Super Bowl,, went to the Super Bowl, came home from the Super Bowl, packed up my bags, moved to L.A., and I said, I'm going to play a rape victim on Law & Order SVU. Dun-dun. And then I realized they film in New York, and I became a comedian. That's so funny.

I had no idea. That sounds like Forrest Gump almost, where he's like, I had no idea where they filmed SVU. So I started comedy. It's almost like that life was gone. So you were like, well, I might as well. This is the life that I want to live. That is very funny. I had my eyes on set on out here.

And I loved California because it was dream, dream place to me. Like I only knew Florida. When you grow up in the Midwest, you don't really go west. We knew one kid, Brent, that his family moved to like, I think knew Florida. When you grow up in the Midwest, you don't really go west. We knew one kid, Brent, that his family moved to, like, I think Santa Barbara, and I was like, what's it like out there? What kind of fantasies happen? And then you

learn nothing, really. It's just a lot of traffic and trash, but it is still a beautiful place. We're slowly getting away from staying here full-time, because you kind of don't need to be as much. Where are you gonna be? I don't know. You know, there's little dots all over the country. I do want lake life.

I've said that multiple times. I do like lake life a lot. Kind of escape at a lake. Also, nothing in the lake is going to hurt you. I mean, so then you'd be good at Austin and Nashville where the new comedy hubs are. Well, Austin's I don't know if Austin is for me. I think Austin's not for it's too. It's it's taking a lot of notes on LA. I think it's like the CliffsNotes of LA.

You know, they like put a Soho house in and all these like funky, cool, high-end stores. And I liked Austin when it was like weird. Keep Austin weird. When it was actually kind of a weirdo place to be. I took my best friend there for his bachelor party forever ago. That was back when all those barbecue joints were in trailer hitches

in parking lots. Well, I hate to break it to you, but there's also a Soho house in Nashville now. Of course there is. I think you're going to Florida. I think that's where you're going to be. I'll tell you where I'm going to go. Where? I'm going to go to North Dakota. Nobody's there. You're're gonna start your own thing Yeah I'm gonna start my own comedy club in North Dakota

Comedy on high That's what it's called comedy on high It's a 16 seat room A lot of open micers Should be easy to fill No micers it's just me every night You're gonna get me every night North Dakota Strap in and get used to it

Is this your first special on YouTube by the way Yes or is it just me every night? You're going to get me every night, North Dakota. Strap in and get used to it. Is this your first special on YouTube, by the way? Yes. Yeah, because you've done everything else with bigger platforms, with like the corporate guys. What was the impetus to be like, oh, that's it. I'm going to put it on YouTube

instead of going to the traditional routes. I started on YouTube. I had a video go viral. It was one of the first comedy videos to go viral. That nail salon video. On this brand new thing called YouTube back in 2007. Yeah. And it catapulted my career.

From there, this was January 2007. This video starts going viral. And viral wasn't even like a good term yet. Yeah, we didn't know what it was. No. A lot of people saw it. That's how they said it. A lot of people saw it. That's how they said it. A lot of people saw it.

A lot of clicks. Got a lot of clicks. And it's at the same time where like if you got an email from your friend and there was a video in it, you definitely watched it because it was a new thing. It's like, oh, what? I can watch a video in an email? Yeah. So that was January 2007. By like February, there was like four million views on this video.

I didn't have an agent or anything at the time. And at the time I was on unemployment. I was my checks had run out. I was an extra and like I wasn't getting any extra work like I was ready to go back home. And all of a sudden this video starts taking off. I end up getting a new agent, back home and all of a sudden this video starts taking off i end up getting a new agent a new manager i end up booking mad tv and then i started this is myspace days so then my myspace page starts blowing up and people start messaging me from all over the world like when are you coming to australia when are you coming to the philippines and i was like oh i have like 12 minutes of jokes like i was so brand new i was like i guess I better write some more material. So I started writing more material changed my life to the end of the year where I'm touring. I'm on Mad TV and my life has completely changed.

And from that, I did a special on Comedy Central. I did one on Netflix. I have a couple on Amazon. And it just felt like this time around, it's my first time owning it. It's my first time producing it, self-financing it. And I was like, I'm going to bring it back to YouTube where it all started for my career. And also because I wanted to honestly grow like globally. Like I want to be able to tour other parts of the world and like bring my family,

like bring my child, my husband and go to these other parts of the world and like bring my family like bring my child my husband and go to these different parts of the world and be able to do what i do here and i feel like youtube is the best platform to grow that for sure global i mean that's you can touch every market and they can and it's automatically translated they don't have to hunt for it in different settings and you know not to dog on it you know i did put a special out on january and netflix and it's great but other countries have to like turn their settings to a different thing to even see it and then you know then it will get into their algorithm but right yeah youtube just is the i mean you know we're on it right now and so it's kind of like it's kind of

like yeah the access is way larger and i see more and more people doing it which I think is going to transform the way the game works now of I don't know what the next platform is but it's coming whatever it is there's something

brewing around the corner some some you know group of kids in a basement somewhere are they're working on something the next

the next jump or you know you put it on Trump's Trump's new Truth Social Angela Johnson great comic the next jump. Or, you know, you put it on Trump's new Truth Social.

Angela Johnson, great comic. Wouldn't be on my platform. I don't know why. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, this episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. I've talked very openly about mental health help and mental health

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are going to keep popping up but i think there's got to be one that's going to emerge as the top dog because youtube has been at the top for a long time so something else is coming i think well i feel like especially in the comedy world stand-up comedy netflix has become synonymous is that the right word yeah synonymous for sure yeah comedy special netflix is what they think of now exactly so many fans will come up to you and be like hey when's your next uh netflix special and i'm like it's not netflix it's even this morning i was calling a bunch of radio stations this morning you know promoting, promoting, trying to get my the word out there about my special. And it's like, yeah, we do a whole interview about how it's on YouTube.

And I tell the whole story, come back full circle. And then they end the interview with like, check out her new Netflix special. You can catch it. I'm like, oh, my God. No, it's not. It's YouTube. But it's just a part of where we are right now. People are so used to seeing comedy specials on Netflix before.

That was Comedy Central. It was everybody used to go to Comedy Central for specials. So I feel like it's going to be YouTube soon. People are going to know YouTube. Yeah, where's your YouTube special? Exactly. Yeah, Netflix is Q-tip. It's, you know, Q-tip is a Q-Tip, but that's the brand.

That's not the name of the thing, you know? So it's kind of like, those are, I don't even know what they call them, like ear cotton swabs, but Q-Tip is now what we all call it. That is such a really good analogy. Q-Tip is Q-Tip. And Q-Tip is also a great rapper. Shout out Q-Tip. But it is funny that that's become the new thing but you're right though even still um people will say people fans will come up to you and go and they've watched

they just watched your new special and they'll go i loved your netflix special so much and you're like oh thank you and and then you'll be reminded in the middle of conversation you're like they're talking about the youtube special but at some point yeah it's as long as they're fans yeah have you ever had have you ever had a um have you ever had a fan who's uh on a plane with you and is a little too fanny or do you avoid it um do you not talk to people on the plane are you uh mask on cover up hat down i'll i talk little bits you know what's your best lie if somebody says what do do? Do you lie or do you tell them the truth? So that's the thing. If I don't want questions, I won't say comedian.

Because the second my face says that I'm a stand-up comedian, all the questions. Really? Where? Questions, questions, questions. But if I just say, oh, I'm an actress. Oh, have I seen you in anything? Give them a couple credits that they've probably oh, I'm an actress. Oh, have I seen you in anything?

Give them a couple credits that they've probably never seen. Right. Or an episode. Yeah, I was on an episode of Caribbean Enthusiasm a long time ago. Oh, I know that show. That's great. Yeah, with the Jewish guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's an easy way to get out. Done. But the second I say comedian, then it's like they want to hear a joke. They think I'm an open miker immediately. They're like, you know, it's like they want to hear a joke, they think I'm an open-miker immediately, they're like, you know, it's that whole thing. I say mechanical engineer. Ooh. Yeah. But the chances of me running into

another one is pretty slim, but I would like to be caught in that lie, you know? Ooh. I say mechanical engineer, I say, what have you worked on? I say, honestly, uh, the ISS, the International Space Station, we worked on that for, like, a long time, and, uh, I was worked on that for like a long time. And I was the guy that did all the rigging for, you know, honestly, for all the human waste.

So I rigged where they hold all the human waste up there. And after that, I think they don't want to know anything else. Yeah, that's great. I said, well, they have to go to the bathroom. I would feel too dumb to converse. Yeah. I'd be like, wow, good for you. Yeah.

And I'd go, look, somewhere, they're going to the bathroom up there I'm the guy that rigs the mechanism to keep it in the tub there and I'll go it's pretty interesting do you want to hear more about it and they don't want to hear anything about it nobody wants to hear about poop in space pick up my new book poop in space by the way I always make up some stupid lie

just because I don't really feel like doing it and it's usually like it'll be like a 70 year old man yeah yeah who's like what are you doing young man I met a girl sitting next to me on the plane the other day because I don't really feel like doing it. And it's usually like it'll be like a 70-year-old man. Yeah, yeah. Who's like, what are you doing, young man? I met a girl sitting next to me on the plane the other day who is actually a puppeteer for Sesame Street. That's interesting. See, that's fun.

That's a fun gig. Yeah, that was a good conversation. I enjoyed that. I was like, oh, okay. Which one? Who does she puppet? You know what? I forget which one she does.

Not a prominent one. But we started following each other on Instagram. And, like, she's full on on the show. And that was, like, a dream of hers. And she's real good at, like, the ventriloquism. What is it? Ventriloquism, yeah. But she doesn't need to be, right?

Because they're hidden. Right. But she does both. So she's been on, like, talk shows where she's full on singing. She has a beautiful singing voice. And she'll,'ll like sing, but it's the doll singing. Wow. Yeah. You meet some interesting people when you actually engage.

Some of them. Yeah. Some of them, dude. Not all the time. Yeah, but that's like we met a guy. I met a guy who was a great photographer and he did a great bit where my, the guy who was featuring for me, my good friend chris somehow some way he was downgraded and this other guy was upgraded and so i loved every second of it so we were

taking pictures with this stranger and i was sending it to chris being like hey i'm so happy this guy's in your seat and not you and he was livid because they moved him to like the by the bathroom in the back of the plane oh worst and then so we became friends with this guy and he's great and he's a phenomenal photographer and those kind of things that happen, they're great, but a lot of times it's the other way, where, you know, you get trapped in a weird world of like,

you know, at first it starts simple. You're a comic. This is great. I love comedy. And then by the end of it, you know, they start getting political or something, and you're like, I don't really want to spend another hour and a half

in the sky talking about this. Why are we doing it? Like, why? I don't need to get into this thing with you where they're just like, and I'm saying the borders should be closed. You're like, oh, my God. We have so much longer of a flight to go down. You're like, keep your voice down. People think that I'm like traveling with you. We both think the borders should be closed.

You're like, no, no, no. I don't care enough to even get into this. What's your, okay, so what's your, I talked about this with another friend recently. Out of all the touring that you do, because I feel like you are nonstop. I feel like you go a lot. Like, you're moving a lot. What's, when you do get a break, what's your little comic secret life? I feel like every comic has a secret life.

What's your normal, maybe monotonous or boring thing to other people? What do you do to, like, get away from the machine? Family. Just kicking it from the machine? Family. Just kicking it with the fam. Yeah. I mean, like I described how big my family is earlier. Too many. A lot of us.

And so I just like to hang out with my family, nieces and nephews. No weird hobbies. Nothing interesting that you do that's like. No, I don't. Fun, secret Angela Johnson stuff. I'm not that talented. Like I don't have like a secret thing. I go play piano when I get home.

No. I just hang out with my family and friends. I love to do game night. I love to host. I love to have people over. You like to host parties. Yeah. Are you a good cook?

No, but I am getting better. Since COVID when I was home and i was i was like well i guess i might as well start cooking since then i have enjoyed it and now that it's so like popular to follow foodies on instagram and watch all the recipes being made i'm like i could do that one and so i'll try like the easy ones but do you follow uh what is it? Salt Hank, Hank Salt or something? It's this guy, he makes- Salt Hank? Yeah, he makes like-

Now I have to look at this human being. Oh, you have to. Salt Hank. I think that's his name. He makes sandwiches, but they're like the most ridiculous, like chimichurri, steak, everything's homemade sandwiches

and they're so intricate i would never ever attempt to make one of his sandwiches but i do want one yeah i you know these guys make me mad because i can't do much when it comes to cooking but like this guy like this looks fun you know what i mean it looks like you but but my problem with cooking is i gotta clean it up so it's exhausting yeah i don't i don't really want to do it i mean it's a privileged life to live to say like i don't cook that often but she doesn't either we don't we just don't we don't love it we'll try some stuff together and it's miserable and then we're like let's just go get food yeah this is a waste of our time yeah i burnt the thing you overcooked that thing now i have to like scrub the sealant off of a pan for an hour and a

half no thanks i'll just get a make a pro do it yeah let the pros do it let them do what they do yeah i guess that's how i feel well because that's my like one vice is on the road i like going to eat big boy meals i mean especially me and bob are touring because you know he's round he enjoys food he's round dude i think you're catching up to him with that thing you might be almost the same belly we can battle it out you battle the bellies he loves to eat food and he always says he goes you know he'll eat order everything off the menu and he says and i and i this is actually valid he goes i'm an addict and i don't use anymore so this is my vice let me have

this vice so then i kind of like yeah you know what order seven appetizers and he does he'll order everything off what you do well yeah if you know what? Order seven appetizers. And he does. He'll order everything off the appetizer. Do what you do. Well, yeah. Everyone has like one little stupid vice that they like. I don't care. I love this so much. It's the one thing. It's not hurting anybody.

I need it. I want it. I feel I've heard a lot of, well, alcoholics go to candy once they get candy. Sugar. Because they want the sugar. Yeah, the sugar. And so my cousin, he's sober like 30 something years now and he sponsors people and so that's one of his things is he'll be like keep candy by your bed like keep candy around you you know for yeah in case you want to hit and whatnot

um a vice i mean i i i like to eat bad food like oh you eat oh you you're a bad girl you like to eat bad food. Oh, you're a bad girl. You like to eat really, really unhealthy stuff. Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Oh, man, come on. It's delicious. It's delicious. But there's so many chemicals in them, but I don't care. I love Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

We live here. We're breathing this air. That's what I'm saying. Can't be any worse than that. Like MSG, all the things with MSG, I like those. You know what I mean? Extra bad. Make the heart work for it, you know?

It's in there just beating along. Yeah. Boring, just pumping blood. Make it start. Give it a couple scares. Yeah. Let it know that I've got, I can cut you off too, heart, at any second. I like The Flame and I.

I think I just saw a preview that they're making a movie about the guy who invented The Flame and Hachido. I saw it. It's incredible. You saw the film already? Oh my God, it's so good. Is it already out or you just had access to it? I just had access. I'm a VIP.

Fancy! Yeah, I'm in the Latino VIP crew. How come I'm not in the Latino VIP crew? I don't know. You know, I meet a lot of stupid people that occasionally will go, Santino, are you Latino? And I'm like, what? Yeah. Yes. You know what? Yeah, I am. I am. Well, you could be in Mexico City.

Yeah, I could. There are some red-headed could be in Mexico City. Yeah, I could. There are some redheaded Mexicans. My cousin, Michelle, that you hooked up with in Arizona. Remember? I remember. My girl. She's a redheaded Mexican. She's a redheaded Mexican.

So is Louis C.K. He's Mexican? Yeah, man. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's Mexican.

His dad is Mexican, I think. Mexican, Jewish. One more jewish one more thing one more thing but yeah no there is a couple of you're italian irish italian and irish yeah italiano siciliano which is like the bad boys of italy the sicilians we're the tough kids where's your family from thin pizza yeah we are yeah well some of my family members aren't thin pizza some of my family members are deep dish someone would have to wear compression leg sleeves on the planes um where's your family from we're mexican yeah but where in mexico it's such a big place michoacan i've been to michoacan really yeah i had to get some pills one time and i went down there

my grandma when she was alive she used to say don't tell anybody you're from Michoacan because it was like ghetto, gangster, whatever. Tough. So she was like, don't tell people you're from Michoacan. But I'm fourth generation. So like my parents don't even speak Spanish. Your parents don't speak Spanish? Do you speak Spanish at all?

Very little bit. Man, you should. You're here. I know. Rude. And you can take it to Nashville. They all speak Spanish over there. I should do it.

I should do it. I haven't. Nashville, there's not a... Maybe there was some Spanish being spoken over there. There's like one street. There's one. Nolensville Pike, that if you go down, they have this place called Plaza Mariachi. Is this real?

It's real. you go in there and it's like they have live music they have um loteria which is like mexican bingo um and they have a bunch of little restaurants and it's almost like you're going through mexico because they have little markets where you can get like all all the trinkets and stuff yeah yeah it's great i like that what's it called again plaza mariachi but what's the street called oh nolensville pike nolensville pike that couldn't be the more wider name for a plaza mariachi on nolensville pike yeah that's what they have to say i love when they throw in the the uh the heavy heavy uh english world nolensville pike bob bob and karen nolensville who created Nolensville Pike.

Plaza Mariachi. There's a place, by the way, here in LA, I've talked about it or you reminded me when you said plaza. There's a place called Plaza that's a drag bar and if you're ever in for a real party, when that baby comes out and you want to go back out and your husband take him to Plaza.

It's real sketchy. It's real dirty. It's really shady. But it's a great drag bar. And they sing karaoke. Love. And it's all in Spanish. There's no English being spoken in there at all. So you can test.

A Spanish drag bar. Yeah. Probably the best in the city. And I don't know why I'm plugging them as if I'm sponsored by them. And I come out. And I am the Flamin' Hot Cheeto when I come out. I love that.

I love that for you. It's a great drag bar that I got taken to a long time ago and it's maybe one of the most fun nights I've had in years because nobody speaks English. You've got to make your way around whether you know broken Spanish

and everything is negotiable. Oh, I like that. All the drinks are negotiable. No way. So they all slide you a drink and they'll tell you a price and then you negotiate until you get it to where you think it. No way.

Well, it's all watered down too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see the bottles, you're like... It's like resort cocktails. Mm-hmm. Oh, honestly. The all-inclusive ones. That's what they do where you drink it, you're like, what's in this? Yeah. And they're like, there's rum, there's rum in there. You're like, no, I don't think so. Have you ever done a cruise? I have. Performed? I haven't worked on one.

Okay, right, right, right, right. Actually, take that back. Oprah did a cruise. It's called Oprah and Gail's Girls Getaway Cruise. Come on. And they hired me to come and perform on that cruise. That's the only cruise that I've ever performed on. The big O. Can you imagine her setting foot on a cruise?

Oprah, you liar. You've never been on a cruise. No, she was there. She came to my show and everything. Cut it out. Oprah was on the cruise? Yes, she came to my show. Did she helicopter in and helicopter out? Maybe. Yeah, there's no chance she was there. She came to my show and everything. Cut it out. Yes. Oprah was on the cruise. Yes, she came to my show. Did she helicopter in and helicopter out?

Maybe. Yeah, there's no chance she was sleeping on that cruise. Unless they gave her one entire floor. The big, oh, I'm blown away that she went on a cruise. Every time I see those things, they gave me terrible anxiety. We were in Australia. I was there for two and a half months at the beginning of the year. And when we went to Sydney, we stayed at a beautiful location.

But the cruise liners go in there. Which was a little interesting because the hotel was very expensive. And I was like, we're spoiling ourselves. It's a nice hotel. And then in the mornings, these cruise ships would come in.

Were you working? I was shooting a movie, yeah. Oh, okay. But this was vacation afterwards. I went to Sydney with my parents and flew them on and wanted them to come see. Yeah, it was amazing.

But the cruise ships every day that would come in and they would funnel them off and then suck them back on. Almost like the changing tides. It's like they, they like, it vomits humans and then it sucks them all back on and they get off. But I was watching them load one day at lunch on the balcony. I was writing and drinking coffee. And I watched them load the bowels of it with all of the liquor and food and it's it's it's like i think that's one of the things where you're like we are gluttonous we are just bad people yeah like the world is starving and

we're lugging on just trucks of trucks of French fries. Good for cruise people if you like it. I just I can't do it. I can't be out at sea like that. I did the Oprah cruise. And my husband, he used to be in the Christian music industry. God bless. And he got booked for a Christian cruise.

And so I went with him. What is a Christian cruise like? It's so they have like a bunch of Christian music artists performing and then a bunch of people from the Midwest. And like they're matching like Christian T-shirts where it looks like it's the Pepsi logo. But it says Jesus and, you know, like things like that. And a lot of Jesus take the wheel. A lot of that. Take the wheel of this cruise ship.

Let me tell you. So we were on this cruise ship. And, you know, in like the foyer, it's very like gaudy gold. Like you've never been on a cruise ship. No. Okay. You're not going to catch me dead on one. Okay.

So everything's like fancy and like sterile. It's spiral and whatever. And so they had these like Egyptian gold cat statues all around. But the cat statues also had boobs, you know, because you know how like, you know, though, it'll be like half animal, half human. Oh, right. So there's these cats that are like hosed laying there but they have boobs right but on the christian cruise they covered up the cat boobs with like a bra really it's just so funny it's even more somehow that's more sensual it's like a gold tube top that they

put over the cat boobs but see that's more scent people they don't know that that's actually more enticing like as a kid i remember as a young lad when i started to find out about myself a victoria's secret was hotter than a nude magazine because the the the naughtiness of like what's underneath somehow that was hotter because when you saw a nude magazine that's interesting well then you see it and it's still the same kind it's still hot when you're young you're like oh my god yeah but for some reason victoria's secret was so sexy because it's the mystery of what's underneath. It's, we used to find my dad's nudie magazines in the back shed. And this is like.

By the way, the nude magazines in the shed. You know, his boys would come over. He's like, go to the shed. You want a break today? Go to the shed. Yeah, we would find all his nudie magazines. This is the 80s and 90s. And so they would all be, like, hidden in the back shed.

That's where he kept all his gems. And then my brother, he's gay. When he was younger, before he would come out of the closet, we were starting to, like, catch on. You knew. And he would um save the packaging of his new underwears because they would have the guys in the underwear oh that's so funny so he would save the packaging that was his nudie magazine yeah what do you mean that was his

victoria's secret yeah right he was leaving uh that was victor's secret he was leaving little hints as he went about that you knew when he was young yeah yeah would it was just glitter trails behind him when he would walk through the house? You're like, where's all this glitter coming from? Well, he started, his eyebrows were real thin. He was plucking his eyebrows. And he just had a little sass. He's handsome. I can see it in my mind. I don't know your brother, but I bet you he's handsome.

Oh, yeah. Now, he's got tattoos, like, all over. On his face? Yeah, he has tattoos on his face, on his neck, on his arms. He does hair, but he's very much like that. He's like the artsy guy. He's like the murals over his arms and stuff like that. So if you see him walking down the street, you'd be like, oh, who's this tough guy?

He's probably going to stab me. But then like when he turns around, you could see like all his Botox and he has the good lips. And he looks, he's a prettier version of me. Like when you see like his face like he's got the struck the cheekbones pretty boy he's got the lips his lashes he's very he's he's pretty and the people like he's gonna stab me this guy well he wants to stab me yeah but not with a knife yeah i'm in love yeah he's. Yeah. He wants to shank me with something else. Yeah.

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Ginger. I like gingers. A guy, a pretty boy that does hair. Did he do hair when he was young? Did he have, like, dolls that he did hair on? You were like, oh, this is his little dream. Well, my mom is a hairstylist. Oh, okay.

My grandma, everybody did hair. My aunts, uncles. You didn't fall into it, though. I don't know how to do anything to my hair. But this, I curled it with like a Dyson air wrap. That's all I know how to do. With a vacuum? No, Dyson does hair products now.

What? The Dyson vacuum company makes hair stuff? Yeah. Am I loony? Has this been around for a long time and I have no idea? I mean, it's fairly new, fairly like past couple years, but it's like a vacuum, but it's like a spiral thing and you hold your hair to it

and it goes... I can't help but think that that's how this started. Someone was using a vacuum and was like... And then they were like, I think we got to tell Dyson about this, man.

They got something going here with this sucking thing. So are they really... It's got to be fancy because Dyson's are expensive, right? So it's got to be... These are like the nicest version of... It's dumb expensive. Right, right, right. It's real to be fancy because Dyson's are expensive. These are the nicest version. It's dumb expensive. Right. It's real dumb. Where it's overpriced for no reason but you're like, it does work really well. Exactly. You guys have all the fun

toys. That's right. My whole bathroom. When we redid our bathroom, I was like, we gutted out an old part of the house, knocked down a wall to make the bathroom twice the size. Then I thought, we're're gonna have room now no i we have a double huge vanity and it's not mine i still use the guest bedroom it's the saddest thing on earth i still go to the other room and it's pathetic i

come home from a long trip and i go into my bathroom instinctively to unload and i go no i don't this is not for me. I don't belong here. I know. So the next place we get, I did say that I want a master bathroom. I want my own, because I have a nice, I have this little powder bathroom. I got drawers. I got stuff to put in drawers. Yeah, and she's like, shut up. Get out of here, loser.

What do you got, your deodorant and your cologne? Get out of here. It is like, it's like a trimmer for my face. Yeah. Deodorant, cologne, some skin of here. It is like, it's like a trimmer for my face. Yeah. Deodorant, cologne, some skin products that were always gifted to me that I don't keep up with. I use skin products for Christine Ko, who's a great actor that's on our show on Dave.

And she gave me a beautiful box of really high-end stuff. And I was like, okay, I really should start using this at this point in my life. One week. I get one week and then I forget about it. I don't do it. I can't. Is that how you're with vitamins too?

Same. Vitamins. Give me a week. I'll knock out a week. I'm never going to keep going. I get into everything for like a week. I try it and then I just go, I don't really feel like keeping up with that. Okay.

But are you the guy who during that week you're gung ho and you're like telling everybody about it? Oh, you're not on Nutrisystem? Bro, you got to do it. Got to not on Nutrisystem bro you gotta do it gotta get on Megamax no I'm not the guy I don't tell anybody but I do keep up really well like I'll do it if she's like pill in the morning pill at night this is all the essentials and I go you got it and then I'll do it and then once I scoot into Saturday and Sunday gone throw them away dude they're gonna end up in another chunky cabinet yeah that's just i'm not good about i've never been good with like uh and that's what the good news is because i work in

hollywood it's it's gonna hinder my future because i'm gonna look old i'm gonna look older than i've always looked i'm 40 now almost and i've looked 40 since i was 20 so i finally met this yeah i'm at the precipice of like it's here we're here then it's gonna go the other way you caught up to yourself yeah i finally caught up to my face. But like you, you've looked young your whole life. I remember when I first saw you on the internet and I was like, who is this 12-year-old doing stand-up? Because you looked so young,

especially when that first video came in. You were, you were 24. Four. Three or four, right. But I was like, who is a 16-year-old girl illegally in a comedy club doing stand-up? Illegally in our country. Yeah, that's what I meant.

That's what I meant. How'd she get in here? Tell a joke at the border to get through? From San Francisco. Or how north in the bay? Are you bay bay? San Jose. I love San Jose.

I'm not kidding. I really love San Jose. I discovered it on accident when I was going to do a gig. You discovered it? I did. It used to be called Andrew Santino Jose. Andrew Santino Jose. Andrew Santino Jose.

But I discovered that I liked that place because I'd been there, I think, on a gig, like, on through it. And then I went there for a gig and I spent, like, a little bit of time and I was like, this is actually way cooler than I kind of ever thought. No one ever give it credit. It's kind of a pass-through. I love San Jose. I really like it.

Some people hate their hometown. Like, oh, I can't wait to get out of here. I love it. It's a nice place, but no one, it doesn't get enough credit because it's, you know. Do you do the improv there? What I do there? No, no, no. I never performed there.

I did. I was shooting something and I stayed in San Jose. You're so good at shooting things. I shoot a lot of stuff. Good for you. They got me on TV and film. Good for you. You me on tv and film good for you you know for now i'm orange enough and i fill a gap well you better start using those creams your friend sent you so you can keep that film career this is a shot she's taking a shot at me

i hear it and you know what i like the wrinkles how about that i saw a woman on tv last night who was uh uh we watched the Anna Nicole Smith documentary, which, miserable, by the way, I do not recommend. It's so heartbreaking. The whole time, you're like, this is awful. I thought it was going to be fun, some of it. You know what I mean? You thought it would be fun?

Well, some of her life was fun and wild and cool, and then you're like, oh, this is all trauma-based. But there was a woman on there who had been late late 70s mid 70s and had gotten so much work done oh yeah she was frozen in time yeah i don't want to be that i don't want to be that but i do want to be martha stewart you mean what do you like what go to jail later in life no being on the cover of swimsuit uh whatever sports illustrated at 80 that wasn't her it's a body double she's getting found out stop that wasn't her it's a body double she's getting found out stop that wasn't her she's getting found out she's getting found out i follow her on instagram

that was her okay yeah her she listen she probably does get work done and that's fine but not to the point where she still gives us a little bit of wrinkle she still gives us like listen i'm not in my 30s she's human yes but I love she's she's hot she's your is she your idol mother Stewart you want to be like her um I do enjoy I do enjoy her products at TJ Maxx you know what I mean like TJ Maxx or huh oh my god yeah that's my that's my that's your jam that's your target TJ Maxx that's my mental health day is TJ Maxx is it yeah you just go through the aisles look at anything you would ever want in life you can find in this store. You want, like, some random seasonings

you'll never find anywhere else. We got you right over there by the lentil chips. You know what I mean? Like, just, they have everything. TJ Maxx does have, they do have a lot. I don't, there's, is there in, are they in LA? Am I crazy?

Yeah, they're everywhere. Where? Although they are shutting down because there was one on Ventura and Sherman Oaks. Close that one down. I feel like they're closing down. on Ventura and Sherman Oaks. Close that one down. I feel like they're closing down. There was one on Tarzana. Close that one down.

Well, why don't you partner with TJ Maxx? I really should. I talk about them in my act. I think they should sponsor me or something. Well, listen up, Mr. and Mrs. Maxx. Thank you. If you are looking for a new spokesperson, you got one right here.

Who looks like she speaks Spanish but doesn't. Which is good. It's going to appeal to so many markets. Yeah. Because the hardcore Americans that are like a Spanish girl and then you speak with such a you know without an accent they'll go. She speaks really good English. She's pretty. I like her. She's cool. But then the

Latin community is going to be like alright I'd like to see her do an ad in Spanish. Yeah. And you're going to have to have an over dub of a voice. I'm going to dub it. Yeah. You have to have an over. You'll have to have what is it? A chat GPT do it. Yeah. yeah, yeah. And you're going to have to have an overdub of a voice. I'm going to dub it. Yeah, you have to have an overdub. You'll have to have, what is it, the chat GPT do it. Yeah. Have you used that,

the AI stuff? Creepy, man. I hear about it. I haven't done it. It's awesome. It creeps me out. We did like write a joke for me. Me and my buddy were doing

write each other's jokes. You type in like, write a joke that Andrew Santino would tell. No. And you can actually, you can do as bland as that and you can do,

write a joke that Andrew Santino would tell in the you can actually you can do it you can do as bland as that and you can do write a joke that andrew santino would tell in the south about chicken strips yeah and it will do it it's creepy it's it's so creepy it gets humor no no i mean yeah yes and no it's there but it's almost extremely well formatted so it it's what's lost, is the human element of, like, bitey sarcasm and twisty sarcasm. It has some of it, but it just, it's not there yet. What? That's wild. It's going to take over our jobs. Damn it. They're taking our jobs, these GPTs.

They're coming over here. These computers are taking our jobs. It's going to happen at some point. We're going to be X'd out. Comedians will be the first to go. Stop. Yeah, man. I hope you saved your shekels because we're out of here, dude. I hope so. Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you, and you don't have to

be candid about it. You don't have to say it, but I've always been curious. Did you monetize on the nail salon bit? Did you make money on that on the internet? I don't even own it. I didn't put it up. That's somebody else's video. Put it up. This is what happened. That was Ice House.

The Ice House did it, right? Well, it was filmed at the Ice House. Right. But there was a company at the time that was- Comedy.tv. Comedy something.

It wasn't.tv. I remember there was one of those that was doing those at the time. And they were like, come to the Ice House, do your set,

do 10 minutes, and we'll pay you $25. $25. I was like, let me tell you i need some cheerios and some top ramen to survive yes i'm gonna do it so i drove to the ice house i signed a little contract and this is before youtube so they were like this is gonna go on verizon cell phones it was when we had flip phones i I remember. And they were like, for $2.99, people can download a comedy clip on their phone. They were going to charge people $2.99 to download comedy clips. And so they were filming all these comedians doing these jokes that they were going to get Verizon customers to pay for. And then shortly after that, YouTube comes out.

So they just uploaded all of this content to YouTube. And you got none of it. And I got not one penny. You got not a dime from that. Have you ever tried to go legally after it at all? So here's the thing. I was just telling my manager recently. I was like, because I was like, you know, I signed a contract.

I signed, you know, my life. They own the video. They don't own the joke, but they own that video. Sure. But I was like, you know what? I wonder if it says in perpetuity or just for like a year. Like, I don't know. I was 24 years old just signing a contract for $25 that I needed.

Didn't think anything of it. No. So I'm like, I'm curious as to what that contract actually says. And I want to like look into it. Dig into it. They might owe me some money. A hundred million clicks. Let me tell you,

I made not one penny off that, but what I did get was a long lasting career that here we are 16 years later, people still quote that joke. Yeah. People still come up to me and like there'll be a girl in my meet and greet that's like, oh my gosh,

I used to listen to you in high school. And I'm like, wait, we're not the same age. Like what? Hold on. It's wild to think that i wrote a joke that is a part of pop culture in a way that's great though how great it's just cemented forever quote it like in their everyday life like i still quote wayne's world and dumb and dumber and i'm aging I don't care. Like, those are part of my everyday life. No, same. Game on.

I can't tell you how many times I say game on. She's okay. My mom says that to me all the time. She's okay when she hits that car. My brother. That's my favorite. That's my favorite. Hi, Wayne.

Hi. And then she just smokes the front of that car. Anytime I'm on the phone with my brother and we're coming towards the end of our conversation and it gets a little quiet one of us will go big gulps huh big all right from dumb and dumber well see you later yeah such a good line and i'm like that's crazy that here we are years later and i still quote that movie in my everyday life yeah and there's somebody out there 16 years later still quoting my nail salon joke how cool how wonderful is that yeah that's beautiful by the way that big gulps line

was improv do you know that i don't know if you knew that no yeah jim made that up on the spot they had two extras out there um that were uh yeah it's so funny they were background guys and they were just uh and uh the movie that i shot was with peter fairley if one of the fairley brothers that did that that obviously did you know all my favorite movies as a kid

so working with him was just super surreal to be honest with you it felt it was like the weirdest thing on earth and I asked a million questions

and he answered all of them and that's I think internet knowledge about that but the one thing that isn't internet knowledge is Farrelly the brothers

but Pete also they put friends and family in movies a lot either as someone at the party that but the one thing that isn't internet knowledge is fairly the brothers but pete also they put friends and family in movies a lot either as someone at the party or crossing through or being like the car is ready yeah and i said i'll never forget because dumb and dumber was the movie that made my childhood i said to pete i said i have a question and i know you know already what i'm going to ask because i was talking about background people. And I said, when Jim leaves the grocery store with the groceries he was supposed to get, you know, when he gets robbed by the little lady on the cart, there's a man pissing against a wall in an alley. And immediately before I finished it, he said, and I don't remember the guy's name, but let's

just say it's like Bob Johnson. He was like, Bob Johnson. And I go, yeah. And he goes, high school buddy. And I said, I knew it. So he would place little friends of his throughout the movie doing little tiny things. And he still does it in this movie that we did today. We have his high school, two of his high school friends, three of his high school friends.

I love it. Yeah. I thought that's the part of the business that I'm actually proud of that I think is cool and that kind of stuff. Like what you're saying, the nostalgia for people remembering your bits and showing that kind of love. Those things make all the negative stuff in the business so wonderful when you meet that person in line at the meet and greet that gives you that piece of them it's you're like this is why this is amazing yeah because

truly like we've been doing meet and greets on the road and you hear some amazing stuff from people that are you help me get through really tough times yeah too and even just people being like we love you man We listen to you together. We have brothers and sisters sometimes where the sister's like, I showed him and now he likes you guys. And like those things really do, they make you proud of what you did. More than anything you've ever achieved. Yeah. All the other stuff is kind of, it's icing on the cake.

Totally. That's what I say. I say we get to eat cake for a living. You're eating cake. Literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say we get to eat cake for a living. You're eating cake. Literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the other stuff is just icing. If it happens to,

if your special happens to continue to grow your career, that's icing. Right. Because you've already made, you've already had the cake, baby. It's, you know. Not to get morbid about it. Oh, here we go.

Let's get dark. Yeah. This is something I think about sometimes. Angela, I killed a guy when I was 19 in my dad's shed. When, if you like come back to a city and you have like regular fans in the city and they always come back, right? So I remember, one, I have a big fear of death, period. Why?

Did somebody die when you were young? I think so. When I was in second grade, my best friend died in a car accident and I think that just kicked it off for me. I think that's what it was. Yeah. It was my first funeral I went to. Second grade? Yeah. I could still, like, hear the song that played at her funeral. It was her favorite song. There was pink and purple balloons everywhere, because those were her favorite colors. And they played this song, I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

That was her favorite song. Yeah. And so it was just playing like on repeat at her funeral. Like, I think that's what it was for me. So I've always had this fear of death my whole life. And something that really hits for me is like I go to a city and there's this one city in particular. There's a couple. They would always come to my show. They always sit in the front. And they always come to a city and there's this one city in particular there's a couple they would

always come to my show they always sit in the front and they always come to the meet and greet they always get that vip ticket and then one year she came by herself because her husband passed away no and and i hear stories like that like hey we all came my sister was supposed to be here but she died in a car accident like you know a few months ago but we all still came to your show and that always gets to me because i think about there was somebody on this earth living life that was like a fan of mine that was excited to come to my show that i made laugh that i brought joy that i was a part of being medicine in their life in some way. And they're gone and they're no longer here.

And that kind of like puts things into perspective for me, how life is fleeting and the importance of what we do, you know? And so like, not to get dark, but I think about that as well. Like there was somebody on this earth who knew who I was and they were a fan and they laughed at the things that I said and they're not here anymore. Let me give you the glass half full version of that. Okay. Because I can be quite dark, but I'm in a good mood today. Okay, good.

I did. I'm not making this about me. But I did the kind of core root of my special was I just want, I called it cheeseburger because I said, I went through a traumatic time and I just wanted to be a cheeseburger. I just want people to enjoy me right now while they have me. I don't really care about living forever. And I'm more comfortable with the idea of like, this doesn't last forever, so have fun now, who cares?

And genuinely, I take a lot of solace in the fact that it's like, if I can give you joy now, that's good for me. To me, it's almost like thinking about what's going to happen later or what's to come or what does it look like when it's all over. Who gives a shit? Because you give somebody joy now, that's good enough. I feel like that's good enough. That's wonderful enough where time is going to pass

and no one's going to remember us in a thousand years. So then do it now. There's a great book. I always recommend some, uh, S U M. Some is such a good book. And it's kind of about that, about like, what life are you looking to have? Are you looking for this afterlife? Are you kind of looking to live in it now? Enjoy it now. Cause you'd rather have it now than any other time. Cause the other time is unknown this is known so gamble with the known baby yeah have fun i love that eat it now have fun drink it smoke it take the trip fall in love you know yell at your enemies do whatever makes you feel good like do the thing now it's because you brought enough joy so i i know what you're saying too i do have those things but i've started maybe it's where I am in my life that I've gone, you know what, dude, I, if, if this makes them

feel good now, good. This is all I really need. I look at it like, uh, this is a easy metaphor. I was talking to a friend about, you know, um, what's coming next to the future in our lives about a thing that was happening to him. And I said, you know, what's really interesting about you is you kind of look at, when I was a kid, I used to have to shovel the driveway all the time and I hated it. And, uh, I used to think if you stood out there and you look at a driveway full of snow, you'd go, God damn it, so much to do. And it's overwhelming. But if you really like put up your little, your little hoodie and you look down at the snow in front of you and you just take little chunks at a time at no time then you're done with the driveway

so if you just do the thing in front of you just chunks in front of you chunks in front of you instead of being like what is it gonna be like when the driveway is done yeah who cares you're good now it's like this like this is it this is it for now what's gonna happen when she who cares yeah we'll figure it out and if we don't, it's okay. Yeah. Look at you, you turned out fine. That's what I'm saying.

You turned out fine and you lost your friend when you were in second grade. Mm-hmm. And you're still holding on to some of it. Yeah. And by the way,

I'm definitely gonna play I Think We're Alone Now to end this episode. No, I don't have the, I can't afford the rights. What am I saying? But we'll sing it. We'll sing it out.

Yeah, you know what? That is probably the best way to get out. Second grade, I immediately thought, I thought, in second grade, what would have been a song that would have played at my funeral? As dark as that sounds. That was my brain. Went immediately to that.

Trying to find your funeral song? Yeah, what would have been in second grade? Probably MC Hammer. Imagine, can't touch this. But an open casket. Can't touch this. Everyone's like, please back up away from the casket that would have been my song mc hammers the adams family version remember his uh

what is this oh my gosh what are you talking about he did a song the adams family hey really he did yeah he was part of the soundtrack long time ago i don't why do i not remember that i don't know you're old by like a year and a half you're barely older than me don't talk like you're this old wise oracle i'm older than you and by the way i do you did show your age because for everybody who wants to know at home we started a little bit late to late today because angela ended up at the zoo at the la zoo which is almost impossible people that live here don't even know how to get there and she ended up there on accident driving around the zoo i know when you when when you're when you're uh what do what do i say i don't even know how to say it is assistant the right word yeah daniel because sometimes people don't say use the word assistant anymore like it's diminutive or something it's whatever she's my assistant she's

my road manager you're home well your road man your home your home girl yeah she said i don't know how she got lost did you plug it into the map or directly click the link and immediately i thought what is she what are you my dad plugging it into the i put it into the thing and i got somehow i'm in temecula i printed out my map quest yeah and it took me here this says these roads have been closed for 30 years but no but but i. But I get it. I get it. That's why when she was like, she's like, I'm sorry.

It's totally fine. I totally understand. But ending up by the zoo made me laugh because I thought, I haven't been there on purpose in a long time. Because once you go once, you never go to the LA Zoo ever again because it's a sad, sad zoo.

San Diego, globally renowned as one of the best zoos in the world. Just 300 miles north, LA, worst zoo you've ever seen in your life. Saddest zoo you've ever seen in your life. It's the tough, tough zoo. Have you ever gone on the hike to see the old zoo? Yeah, I love the old zoos. Really cool. That's nice and creepy.

I like some creep. I like the creepiness. That should just be our zoo. Yeah. We should just have a creepy zoo. An old, creepy, haunted haunted zoo and i grew up going when i was a kid in chicago we would go to lincoln park zoo which it still i think i hope i'm right but to this day if back then was free it was a free zoo you could just walk in at any point go see the zoo when you were a kid yeah it was free because it was city funded i think these zoos now are probably you know charging an arm and a leg to go see animals trapped.

But it was free, and I always thought that was crazy. So then when I got older, I thought, are zoos always free? Everywhere? And then you go over and you're like, oh, no, that's not a thing at all. That was just Chicago Park District must have paid for it. Yeah, in San Jose, we had, like, a petting zoo that would have, like, goats and stuff like that. I don't like goats. We didn't have, like, the big, fancy animals. I don't like goats. We didn't have like the big fancy animals. I don't like goats.

They creep me out. You wouldn't do goat yoga? I don't want to be near them things. I don't know what it is about them, but you know how people don't like clowns? I don't like goats. That's funny. Goats are my clowns. It sounds painful. It sounds like they're always begging. It sounds like something's inside of them trying to get out. Do you know that I was a

clown when I was trying to come up in the entertainment industry? Shut up. I was a party clown. Did you go to clown school? No. You just went to parties and you dressed up like a clown? So, it was a princess party company and I thought I was going to be like Jasmine or like Belle or somebody.

Put on the clown suit, kid. And they're like, no, we already got the princess, but we do need a clown. Nose, hair, makeup. I was the, like, creepy 1800s porcelain doll clown, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I was the one that sits on your grandma's shelf that, like, follows you with its eyes. I was that clown. Yeah, the ones that stare off.

Yeah. What were those things called that grandmas would always collect? They were, like, little porcelain things. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Something. Precious moments. Precious moments. That's exactly it. Those things I hated. yeah. Oh, my God. Precious moments? Precious moments, that's exactly it.

Those things I hated. That and bronze shoes. You know, like when they would dip baby shoes? Oh, yeah. I always hated that when I'd go in a bathroom. And it has like the bronze lace. I did not like that. I don't know why they plated the shoes, but every time you go to somebody's house and their grandmother, they would always have plated kids' shoes

and you're like, what is this for? And this one has like mothballs in the house Oh god Did your grandparents have plastic furniture My grandmother Would wrap the Lampshades That's how Penny Pinchin She'd wrap the lampshades

The couches would always be wrapped And also if we had If we ate dinner at the dinner table They would have The seats were wrapped but the backs you could take off You could take them And also, if we ate dinner at the dinner table, the seats were wrapped, but the backs you could take off. You could take them. On the back of the chair was wood, was nice wood, but you could take off the covering just for dinner,

but you had to put it back on. We had a nice tablecloth. My Nina's house is still currently right now in San Jose. It'll be a nice tablecloth with the plastic over it. Yeah, God bless. She's still alive? My Nina, my godmother. Oh, okay, okay.

My grandmother passed. I was like, what's your grandmother? A thousand years old? As old as you are? Yeah, my grandma passed. You dinosaur. I got none left. And you know what?

I miss them like crazy. But to take it back to a happy dark place, they lived a great life. I think you're alone now. Okay, you know what? This is the best opportunity for this, so I'll tell you.

A, I appreciate you being here. I can't wait to see what this baby looks like when it comes out. You let me know if it's ugly or not. Okay, I totally will. Yep. B, for everybody listening at home,

do yourself a favor and go watch our special right now. We also are going to put it in the description down below so it's easy to find for people that are like, well, I don't know. It's in the description. All you do is click on it. You just click more. You don't have to put it in your maps or anything. Yeah, you don't have to load it up

in your maps and get lost in the zoo. Go watch our special. Also, go grab your book. That's available as well. Go on Amazon, I'm sure, has it. I shouldn't plug Amazon because people don't like them anymore, I guess. But whatever. They got canceled? I think Bezos is skirting on a tyrannical

monopolizer. I think that guy's... Come on. They're like so rich, too rich, and we're all like Amazonians now. We all are like subject to the Amazon. So they're shutting down... You know why TJ Maxx is shutting down, my friend? Amazon. That's true. That is true. Shoot. I do use Amazon. Yeah, it's a bummer, but I use

it every day. What do do you mean There's a package Now at my front door I got a ring notification The guy literally Like everyday Is like back again And your wife's like I got it

Don't worry Yeah I know you do Yeah I know you do What's in there More stuff More Dyson hair products More vacuum hair things So go get her book

Go watch the special On YouTube It's available right now Can't wait to see this baby that you're gonna obviously name andrea after me look in that camera right there we end the episode the same way with one word or one phrase okay uh but you can make it unique to yourself however you want it's gonna end the episode in that camera however you want to end the episode it's up to you right now when you you're ready, go ahead. One word? Or one phrase. Or one phrase.

Oh, pressure. You couldn't have told me before so I could think it through? No, you're a comedian, dude. You know better than this. You have to be on the spot, gun to your head. One word or one phrase, and you have to hold your belly while you do it. Well, that's already going to happen. Big gulps, huh?

Perfect. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.