Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Anthony Jeselnik

Episode Date: October 22, 2021

Santino sits down with Anthony Jeselnik to chat about him being a cinephile, opening an bombing for musicians, private jets, autographs sharks, his secret love for reality shows and the work it takes to craft an hour. COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! BOLL & BRANCH Get laid on the softest sheets you've ever laid on Get 15% off use promo code WHISKEY https://www.bollandbranch.com MANSCAPED Clean up your halloweenie GET 20% off use code WHISKEY20 https://www.manscaped.com/whiskey SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off! Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. If you're on the YouTubes, subscribe to us, leave a comment down below for the Al Go Rhythm. Appreciate you watching all these episodes. We're climbing up in them subscribers, about to hit a quarter of

a million, and I'm very appreciative of that. It's been a good long road for a couple of years here, and let's keep moving on this great thing. I am on the road. AndrewSantino.com for them tickets. I'm going to be in San Francisco Halloween weekend. And then it's 19 cities that are all listed on the website, including Philly. We added a late show, led a late show in Portland and Seattle, Chicago, Atlanta, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids, New York, Albany.

I'm everywhere, man. Honestly, I'm going all over the country. I can't even remember most of the places that I'm going to. But go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com for those tickets. My guest this week is Anthony Jeselnik. My guy. Love this dude.

He is so funny and got such an interesting process in the comedy world, the comedy business. He is wonderful. Enough got such an interesting process in the comedy world, the comedy business. He is wonderful. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey with Ginger.

My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Anthony Jeselnik, the return of Anthony Jeselnik. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having the return of Anthony Jeselnik. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me back or making me do this. I made you. To be more appropriate. Last time you thought this was going to be, well, this was at my house the first time you did it.

And then you thought this was going to be my home. Did you really think that this might be the place that I've fallen to at this point? No, I just thought maybe I went to the wrong address. I think I was doing Rogan's podcast and the Uber dropped me off and I was like, wait, this isn't it. And I had to get another Uber. Sometimes you just go to the wrong place that I figured maybe you're in the studio now, which I guess I'll call this. But yeah, I was like, I think I'm here. You thought I'd be. No, we keep it real ghetto, real low key.

For everybody that wants to know, we're in Airplane Hangar 5 at Van Nuys Airport. All you have to do is go by Jet Suite X. We're right next to Jet Suite X. And actually, I live right next door, so it was a quick Uber ride. This is easy for you, man. Wait, you don't drive anymore? I do. When I'm doing a podcast, I just want to not stress about it.

I read something on my phone. I'm listening to the Dodgers game right now. I should be watching that. Oh, you don't want to be watching it now. What happened last night? Boston, by the way, beat the shit. I should be watching that. Oh, you don't want to be watching it now. What happened last night? Boston, by the way, beat the shit. They like 11 to... Boston's hitting a ton.

But it was like 2-0 when I got in the car and now it's like 5-2. It's 4-2. 4-2. Yeah, you know what's so funny? Is that like my interest used to be higher for Dodger games because I'm a Cubs fan, but I live here.

Dodgers, I live here. You know, but I live here, but I Dodgers, but I live here, you know, like I'll root for him. But for some reason, as of lately, I've been so disenfranchised with baseball in general that I just like, I watch intermittently. I don't know why.

And maybe it's a football season started. I was like, nah, I don't know. I'm over it. Yeah. I mean, I,

I, I'm a Pirates guy, so it's been tough to root last couple of years, but like, I got a Dodgers hat last year. Cause I'm like, I got the dog during COVID. covid so i'm walking the dog i needed to get hats you know keep the sun out of my face yeah and having a dodgers hat like people treated me differently and i felt like fletch like i felt like i was just like i felt like i'm on middle age now

that people were asking about the game and i was like i gotta i gotta lose this hat i went back to the pirates by the way fletch they remade i, they remade. I heard they remade Fletch. They finally did it? They've been talking about it. Yeah. And because originally it was like Joel McHale, maybe? No. I thought it was going to be...

Don Draper. No. No, yeah. What's his name? Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm. He was supposed to originally be Fletch. I thought it was going to be Ryan Reynolds.

Oh, maybe that's who ended up doing it he seems like the guy that would do it I thought he was the first guy who's your pick for Fletch to redo it and by the way people that haven't seen

if you've never seen Fletch before one of the best movies I mean I thought it was so good I it's just like we don't really try those kind of comedies anymore

I love Fletch so much that I loved Fletch Lives as a kid like I saw Fletch when like as a kid like on TV but I saw Fletch Lives in the theater and thought it was justletch when I was a kid like on TV, but I saw Fletch Lives in the theater and thought it was just as good because I was a kid.

But you're wrong. Oh, totally wrong. Yeah, wrong. You can't rewatch it. But it was just, but it was one of those things where, I mean, we talked about this last night because I was talking about how like,

you know, we go to see movies now. Maybe one trailer will be somewhat of a comedy. Even if you go see a comedy. Yeah. The rest of them are like romantic comedy stories or, I don't know. I just think it's just that they don't take shots at these great unique comedy stories anymore. I don't know what the fear is.

Like my favorite movie is Big. One of them is Big. You can never remake Big today. No. You just couldn't. And if you did, it would be too, I don't know. They would make it so littered with so many stars. It would like lose all of the fun that was back then.

It was like Tom Hanks was the star. Like Chevy was the star. And he had ancillary good actors. But he didn't have like five huge names to carry a movie where you're like, oh, that's that guy. Oh, that's that guy. Instead, it was like great actors around one or two really talented big names.

Now I feel like every movie is like featuring 19 of the most famous people you've ever heard of and you're like well that's not, there's not enough actors I think that are good enough to make me forget who they are and see them as the character. I think that's rare, you know what I mean? I also think that like back in the day

like the movie Airplane. The head of the studio was like, this is a piece of shit. And then he was screening it and his kids are dying laughing. And he was like, oh, let's put it out there. And that doesn't happen anymore. It's not like, oh, my kid likes this. I'm going to do it. We've got to test it. And not everyone,

with comedy, you're not going to get everybody. There's not going to be another something about Mary. It takes a lot for everyone to get on board with the comedy. They're just not going that route. Why? What changed? Because stand-up certainly hasn't taken the downfall. I mean, stand-up's gotten stronger.

I'd say more stand-ups are selling more tickets now than ever before. But that's because it's so easy. You don't need to get a crew. It's just one person and their little team going on the road. That's easy, and it's so compartmentalized. But to get a big— Everyone's taking big swings at the movies and these independent movies don't want to fuck with comedy they want to do they wanted to be some deep you know my dad killed himself bullshit that uh that you don't get to see a lot of a lot of indie comedies and they're

just they just don't want to they don't want to take the risk i guess i think it's also because well i mean you know this is conspiratorial but I think that comedy doesn't translate overseas either. That's another thing. So like, they're thinking about China. They know China's not going to buy, unless it's Kevin Hart who's a recognizable face

or The Rock or like someone that they've coined with comedy, it's not going to sell. It's got to be an action comedy. Totally. Yeah. Someone has to die,

blow up guns, car flip. Yeah. That's why the Fast and Furious movies, to their credit, they've become so self-aware and they shit on themselves now. And that's the comedy in it, is they just dumpster dive all over those movies.

Dude, if Tyrese is the comic relief in your movie, it's not a comedy. No. I just think. But that has to be registered as such, because now that's the only kind of comedy that's out there. I mean, what, The Martian won comedy. Didn't that win Best Picture for Comedy? The Martian, wasn't it?

The Martian, was that a Golden Globe for comedy? I seriously think it got comedy. I think it won for comedy. I mean, there's not a joke in the whole movie. It's like Matt Damon smiles a little bit when he should be like pissing himself. And they're like, this is funny. Yeah, I remember that was a controversy. Like, why are they calling this a comedy?

But the Golden Globes are a sham. It's not real. They're like, they're still jerking off over Emily in Paris. Like, they don't know what the hell they're doing. But would you host it if they asked you? Golden Globes, probably. I mean, they would never, but probably I would take a shot. But I think that just got old, like the roasting thing.

Yeah, what Gervais did. Ricky Gervais was like fourth time. It was like, oh, this is over. I like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler kind of doing it, but then they got soft. Roasting got so big that they kind of went it but then they got soft where it was like they kind of like roasting got so big that they kind of went anti-roast

yeah it was almost like compliments let's do this in a good natured way that nobody wants to watch you know why because those people

at the end of the day know they might work with one of those guys and they always think I don't want to have that conversation of going hey you know this is all

in good fun and da da da because they're going to take it serious oh totally it's kind of like what happened with Samberg and Mark Wahlberg remember when Andy like did that thing of going, hey, you know this is all in good fun and da-da-da-da because they're going to take it serious. Oh, totally. It's kind of like what happened with Samberg and Mark Wahlberg. Remember when Andy did that thing,

how's your mother or whatever on SNL? And he was actually upset about it? Yeah. It's that kind of vibe where it's like people don't want to have that conversation where we're being like, you know this is a joke.

None of this shit is real. It's an honor to have someone do an impression of you on SNL. 100%. Someone sent me a clip that you're in on Dave. Yeah. Where they say, they tell a little bit.

Oh, we talk about you. Yeah, they go like, you're the number one comedy album. Like, fuck you, Anthony Jeselnik. And people were like, are you mad? And I was like, I'm thrilled. I've been sending this to people. Like, it's an honor to be mentioned in pop culture. Yeah.

Even if it's like, and I thought that was a compliment on the show. It is a compliment. Even saying, fuck you, Anthony Jeselnik. Like, that's great. Like. Even if it's like, and I thought that was, it was a compliment on the show. It is a compliment. Even saying, fuck you, Anthony Justin, like, that's great. Yeah. I love it. It's, that was,

that's also because, like, I mean, all of the writers, for the most part, two in particular, are, like, really big stand-up fans. Like, really big stand-up fans. And that's just, like, a way for them to, like,

wink or nod at something. Yeah. The idea that that was offensive is funny. I can't believe we never talked about that. I forgot about that fucking line. because who says that line the agent or whatever because it cuts to you right you don't say you're not talking but it cuts to you that i

was like that i've assumed and we haven't talked about this but i assumed that they must have run through like different rift different names yeah because i thought you would have told me like hey we got a shout out we did a shout out to you on this thing yeah i would have texted you like we did i think the original you I think the original you know who the original name was I do actually remember that now because it was at the record label

guess who the original name was first thought Bo Burnham no second thought Jim Gaffigan I think it was Regan okay

Gaffigan then the writer made him say Dane Cook because that's just the, somebody always wants to throw that in there. Was it like, did it take place 10 years ago? I think that was this underhanded.

And then somebody, and then I think, and then I think that's how your name, they were like, well, let's do other standups. And then it was, then they rifled off a bunch of names. But I think Regan was first for some reason. And then you was, then they rifled off a bunch of names. But I think Regan was first for some reason.

And then you, and then, I don't even know. I think the last one was definitely, like a Garfunkel and Oates or something like, you know what I mean? Like there was just like one from the side. And that's the one that they always are like, I don't think enough people know who that is. And I'm not taking a shot, I'm just saying.

That's one of those jokes where inside baseball, people are like, nah, outside people are like, what is that is that i i opened like i opened for garfunkel notes as part of their special taping in uh seattle and i'm friends with i'm friends with them and they were like it'll be funny like i'll do a bit where i'm like just the worst opener ever for them like i'm trashing them yeah i'm getting booed yeah and it was so funny because it was taped at the neptune and i performed there a bunch of times so the staff knew me right but no one in the audience knew who i was as a comic none of their fans are recognizing no because they're not comedy fans they're garfunkel notes fans right and didn't know anything about stand-up and the staff would be

like i can't fucking believe these people don't know who you are like i had no idea but you ripped anyway i mean i i ripped in a way that it was like, they introduced me as like, he's going to come make fun of us and he's going to want you to boo him. But I wasn't doing my act. I was just like, I was just being like, just the worst opener you could ever have

as part of my thing. But then I was doing like a Q&A or doing a man on the street thing, talking to fans afterwards. And they had no idea. I was just a guy with a mic. How long ago was this? Four or five years ago now.

I mean, time means nothing anymore. Isn't that weird? That is funny, though, to think about. Because four or five years ago, I think for sure they would know who you were, regardless. No. I mean, they just,

they didn't know any, there's no stand-up who could have come on stage that they would have known who they were. Kate. Kate Micucci. Micucci. And Ricky Linton. So, this is kind of,

this is so random we don't really know each other I think we've met you know through the grapevine but we're not we don't know each other and I got an email

I got a DM maybe it was a DM and it was like from her from Kate and she goes this is super weird but I have your mail

and I was like what? she's like I think I live in your old apartment that you moved out of because I have like like a check of like a like a cast and crew check that got slid under the door and I was like no seriously she's like yeah we moved me and my family moved into your old apartment and I and I was like oh well I can stop by sometime I'm in Hollywood tomorrow night doing the store and this is funny I thought, we don't know each other.

So I was like, it's going to be, you know, like, hey, what's up? And then we have to kind of talk because we do know we're comedy connected, the connection. But she took the pressure off because she was like, I'm actually not going to be home. I'll leave it at the front desk. I was like, great. Perfect. I would have been like, tear it up. I don't need the money that bad to go through this.

But you know what I mean when you're like, we have that thing in common. So I had to, I was like, oh fuck, it's, I'm going to have to like, you know, be nice and have a little chit chat because otherwise it's weird to be like, thanks. And then not, not just leave. But she took care of it because the awkwardness, that happens all the time when I run into somebody that I don't really know that's a comic and we're on the road in an airport and you like, obligatory, you have to chat, but you're like, I don't we've never met we don't even know each other we don't know anything about each other really i've had that where a comic will come up to me and someone i know like um oh fuck what was his name big big heavy black guy really funny lavelle crawford lavelle crawford came up to me

the baggage claim and he's like anthony jesselnick and i'm like lavelle crawford and we're like we're both smiling we both like each other's stuff yeah we're a baggage claim. And he's like, Anthony Jeselnik. And I'm like, Lavelle Crawford. And we're like, we're both smiling. We both like each other's stuff. Yeah. But we're a baggage claim. And it's like, that's all we had. So we're just kind of standing. It's like, so where were you? Where were you this weekend?

Oh, yeah, I was here. And then it's like, let me get the fuck out of here as fast as possible. Yeah. No shade. I'm not talking any trash, but. No, but there's nothing. You don't really, it's hard.

It's also hard when comedians are in transit. Like seeing people on the road or on the go you're like this is already the most annoying part about stand up

the worst is when you're in first class and someone's going like you're going to do a theater and now you're going to do a club and they walk past you

and say hello I hate that it's tough well it's also one time I was going to JFL I don't know if it was Vancouver or maybe it was the Vancouver time. No, no, no.

I was going to Montreal. And I was going to Montreal and I was going late and weird because it was like the end of the Montreal just to do like TV stuff for that I'm Dying Up Here show, like the first season. And I'm sitting in like the third seat in first class and Jim Carrey and all these other people, and I see agents that I know, that not are my agents,

but guys that I know, and they're walking by and they're like, hey, what's up? And I'm like, hey. And they're walking by and it feels so good because the tables had turned back in the day when you were waiting at the gate

with some young agent who you're like, you're fucking, you get this seat. You get up here. I have to sit in the, I'm the one that's going to work. You get to go fucking black out for three days on a company tab. I always, that bothered me so much, man. My favorite one of those, I just done, it was like 2013. I just finished the first season of the Justin Luke Offensive.

Yeah. So I'd never been more like famous in a way that like I'm on billboards. I'm on subway posters. Everybody knows you. I'm over there. And it's exhausting at the same time. Like I just finished my 10th episode. I go to the wrap party.

And the next morning, I literally get on a plane to start my tour. And the tour starts at Moon Tower in Austin. So I get like two hours of sleep. I'm on a 6 a.m flight and it's like like mark maron um don marrera like a bunch of like comics and like some half of us in first class half of us aren't but it's a lot of people that i know we're all kind of saying hi but it's 6 a.m and i i put in earplugs i go to sleep because i'm exhausted yeah and they're talking to they're laughing around and i'm not engaging then we get off the plane and i get a text being like your car is waiting out front and i go and i'm not thinking anything of it i just kind of like walk past everybody i'm like i guess i'll see them i'll see everyone at the car and then i get

there and i realize i have my own car because this is part of my tour i've booked car services for myself and i get to the the hotel that everyone's staying at i'm only there for one night and as i'm smoking a cigarette this was like i was going through shit i'm smoking a cigarette at like at like 10 a.m and i see this giant white van pull up and like eight comics who are all like 10 years like more into it than i am get out of the van and i'm like no one has ever had more shit talked to them i talked on them than i did in that van ride oh yeah they were all like this guy thinks he's bigger than us this guy gets his own car why And I'm like, no one has ever had more shit talked on them than I did in that van ride. Oh, yeah. They were all like, this guy thinks he's bigger than us.

This guy gets his own car. Why does he get his own car? And I'm like, I paid for it. I would have happily ridden in the van with you guys. I didn't know. But that's not true. You didn't want to ride in the van. I didn't want to.

I like- Justin doesn't ride in the van. I will. I'll be nice. I'll lower myself for half an hour. When you do the road, do you do when you do the road do you do the bus thing or do you just fly fly fly fly fly i fly fly fly and i look i even got to the point where i would i would charter a private jet if i had if it was if i'm doing four cities in a weekend you know it's four flights and there's like one day where i've got to get in that day of the show and

i'm going it's like you're going from like somewhere in nebraska to somewhere like montana and you've got to go yeah like it's like an you're going from like somewhere in Nebraska to somewhere in like Montana and you've got to go. Yeah. Like, it's like an all day flying thing. You got connecting flights. I just say, fuck it and get the private jet. So it's all you by yourself

or you with the tour manager or somebody? I have, I bring my opener with me but I don't have a tour manager. Do I know who your feature is? I switch it up and I'm sure you know Megan Gailey.

Of course, I love Megan. Jacqueline Novak, Mo Welch. Those are the three I had on my last tour and it's like, I got a West Coast girl, I got an East Coast girl, and I got someone who can fill in when they can't do it.

Yeah. I prefer straight white males only. I only take straight white males. I didn't want people who wanted to party. I wanted someone who just wanted to go back to the hotel. And hang out. Smoke a little pot. And just like, they've got to go call their boyfriend or their husband,

and I go to bed. Like, I'm thinking about, when I tour now, it's the it's the long game like people all friends from high school who live in atlanta and they're like let's go out and i'm like i can't this is like week eight of i got like eight more of these to go yeah i need to go home and like watch a movie and pass out yeah that's good i well i mean mine has become a really close friend of mine so that's that's what's really that's also really hard because we do want to just go have fun all the time but like we just did boston And it was like my family was there because my family came from chicago and they were like we're coming to boston

That's so close. It's easy And then it ended up like my aunt came my uncle came it was my birthday That's also why but it was like my cousins came Then so it was just like I wanted to go out one night on my birthday, but my dad was like come on Let's go party. I was like, I let's go party i was like i know but i gotta go back and shoot and then i'm leaving again and they were all like nah don't be a bitch it is a hard when everybody's like we gotta go out let's go out and have a good time and it is fun because you're like let's go get fat on really good food and drink as much wine as we can drink yeah and

talk shit all night it is it is really hard and me and uh my my the guy i go with chris o'connor who's great um you'd love this dude he's really good he lives with gillis he lives with shane in new york and they kind of start dude philly together and he says he's got chrissy too he's got chris 2.0 on the way he says he's working out now when we go on the road i was like oh wow has he done it no no not even maybe the first week yeah no not even didn't he bailed really bailed right away i was like i thought you were gonna he's like i know i can't i just can't when i go back to pittsburgh i like i do a thing where i play this theater and then i just like i ask them if i can just have let my family and friends hang out in the

lobby afterwards and i even i get champagne because i want to like be like you know this is this is a baller moment and then just hang out there and then go to my hotel at midnight and go to bed yeah that's like well I'll do something like I was performing in Baltimore at a theater my parents were on my family was on vacation in Ocean City Maryland and then I would have gone with them on vacation but I'm like I'm on tour like we want to go to the Baltimore show and I'm like all right I get them all tickets but then they have to drive these like hours and I'm like I don't want you guys. And I'm like, all right, I get them all tickets, but then they have to drive these like hours and I'm like,

I don't want you guys driving so I'm like, I'll get you a bus. So I get them like a party bus and I have it stocked because you've got to ball out for your own family. 100%.

And I ended up, I think I lost money on the deal. You know what I mean? And like, I'm doing a sold out theater but to have this bus drive hours to get them, hours to take them there,

hours back. What does that cost to rent a bus like that? You've got to pay for them to go to the... It's not like an Uber where they start when they pick you up. Right. So it's like two hours from... They go from Baltimore to Ocean City, then back and forth,

and then loading up the bus with stuff. I got a bunch of crabs for backstage, and they're looking at their watch like, we've got to clean this shit up when you leave, so get out of here wrap it up yeah cost some money

well this is I need to go back real fast because I'm very curious the private jet thing is heavy that doesn't hit you with a big enough tab

where it hurts a little bit or you're doing so well it doesn't even matter I don't do it enough that and it'll be like I've never ridden a private jet

that I've been paying for for more than an hour so it is really like it's, but it's worth it. Have you ever like, back when you're flying coach all the time, and you get to the counter and they're like, for $100 more, you can go to first class. And you're like, no, fuck it. And then you spend the entire time in coach being like, I would give $100 right now to move up. Should have done it. But now I'm like, if I was going to be flying all day, you might lose your luggage.

And it isn't a baller move. It's not like a, it's just like, I can even spend eight hours doing this or I can spend three hours doing this. And I'm going to pay for that

because it just makes everything so much more relaxing. Well, it's not a baller move because you don't post that kind of stuff. Like you're not that kind of guy that,

no one would know that unless you told me that. My opener took, had a picture taken and tweeted Welch, and tweeted it. And I retweeted it being like, I think this is undignified, but retweeting it is the height of class. And my friends gave me so much shit, and I was like, I stand by it. Yeah.

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Ginger. I like gingers. Did you ever do oddball when they were doing that? In San Francisco? No. Oddball was like the tour where they did like arenas. Oh, no do Oddball when they were doing that? In San Francisco? No. Oddball was like the tour where they did like arenas.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't do that. They did like four years of that. I did like the third year and it was a lot of people and like the same people and a lot of pictures on private jets

and I never posted any of those but I knew every other comic was talking wild shit because we weren't paying for the jet. We didn't care. Well, yeah. And they would have it

like loaded up with booze and just a lot of pictures. See, that makes sense. If it's on the shoulders of some other company i don't mind people taking pictures then you're like but it's hard sometimes like i was joking around with schultz because schultz you know schultz's ball that's all he does on the road is ball out but i'm like he only does that because his fans love that shit and i feel like a lot of times comics depending on your fans they would fucking hate to see you on that shit there's a lot of comics who like the meet and greet is almost more important than the show you know it's like and I'm it's not a knock it's just like I don't do that like I am I'm like

I almost not I don't look down on my fans but I don't want to meet them you look down on them I always say like if you I don't care what they think that I'm like if you need to meet me yeah you can hang outside the backstage area for an hour or two and maybe you get to sit take a picture and i'll sign whatever you want if you do that but i'm not going to stand there and shake everyone's hand and sign shit yeah i just i just well it's tough especially the seats that you do that's how could you get through that many fucking people at some point that becomes like the last time i did philly and i i do like meeting my fans because um you know it it's, I don't, there's something about it that's like, I like it, but I can't do it now. But the last time I did it was in Philly.

I did like six shows at Helium, Helium, I'm sorry, at Helium. And it was like, I was exhausted. I mean, you're doing another show after the show. I think fans don't realize that. They're like, oh, you don't want to, it's like I was exhausted I mean you're doing another show after the show I think fans don't realize that they're like oh you don't want to it's like dude

that's another show and I also have to do another show so I'm so I'm doing three or four shows a night instead of just two because you have to be on and alive and awake

and aware and you know otherwise it's a waste of their time just being hi next hi next and you're sweaty and it went from being like

let's take a picture to I'm going to take as many pictures as I can before you tell me to stop yeah that's also very true You're just being, hi, next, hi, next. And you're sweaty. And it went from being like, let's take a picture, to I'm going to take as many pictures as I can before you tell me to stop. Yeah, that's also very true. And my hand would hurt after shaking all those hands. Once I sold out of the CDs that I had, Comedy Central made you buy the CDs yourself. I know, I remember.

Once I sold out of those, I was like, I'm not doing this ever again. But I do appreciate my fans. I just don't want to stand there in line like a commodity and have people who never would have, like, wouldn't have stopped me on the street, but they'll stand there in line

and wait, and they're, nine times out of ten, they're drunk. And I don't want to deal with drunk. They're always drunk. Sober fans, I'll do whatever you want.

But when they're drunk, it's like, I can't get out of here fast enough. There was a dude in Boston, this is my biggest pet peeve. I don't mind when someone's like what up like whatever i fucking hate it when somebody goes hey are you you're an actor and i just keep walking i go hey man you know hello just hello that's it and he goes where do i know you from

what are you in what are you in and the only thing i that could come out of my mouth and i go oh dude you don't get to do that to me. That's not fair. And I just kept walking. I go, come on, man. It's such a weird thing to be like, tell me why I know you. It's like, dude, fuck you. It's such a rude thing to say.

I had for a couple years, and I didn't mind this because it was just like it made it easy, where they'd go, are you Daniel Tosh? And I would go, no. They'd go, who are you? And they knew full well that wasn't Danieliel tosh right that was like their way in uh i have a director friend who's like here's what i do because when someone's like have you done anything that i've seen they go i don't know what have you seen like they put it back on them

and i was like oh that's great and the first time someone did that to me i was like i don't know what have you seen they go no no no what have you been and i was like all right you're not gonna play this is worthless i should have said to that guy, you know, what do you like to watch? Well, the same thing is like, um, I got invited to one of these, like, I love golf. That's like my favorite thing on earth. And like, I got invited to like a faux celebrity golf tournament for like lowest level celebrities you could find. And, and I did, and I don't, I didn't go this time cause I did it one time and it was embarrassing because somebody's always

you know there's always drunk dudes in a group they're like what do I even know you from what do you even do and then you'll be like oh you know I'm standing

kind of like whatever and they're like I don't know you man I don't know I don't know and then you're like alright well

I have to play fucking golf with you all day now yeah so this was fucking fun I have four hours of a guy being then you're like alright well I have to play fucking golf with you all day now so this was fucking fun I have four hours of a guy being like you're not that line you're not that funny

for a comedian it's like ugh fucking I hate that jump off a fucking bridge I once I was hosting a thing

for NBC Last Comic Standing and they made us do a like you like the whole press day where it's like all the press comes it's like a big thing

it's catered and but we have to do it while we're shooting the show so it's like i had to shoot the show go to this hotel wake up the next morning get in a suit and tie and makeup and then do a day of press and then i had to leave and goes back to the studio to shoot that night's show so i'm exhausted i'm pissed and i walk out and there's a bunch of guys just behind a rope asking for autographs. And I'm like, I just go, no, sorry. Like you don't even want my autograph. You just want every autograph you can get.

And the guy's like, just on it, come on. And I'm like, sorry, man, I got to go back to work. And he goes, oh Jesus. And I'm like, you're going to talk shit to me for the rest of your life. A hundred percent. Yeah. Have you ever had someone ask you to sign a blank photo paper? I did it once. I was out to, I did a show in I did it once. I was out to,

I did a show in Anaheim. I come out and there's one guy with his kid. And so I walk over and he's like, he's got these blank things. I'm like, what is this? And he's like, oh, I just, if you don't sign them,

I don't waste it. But if you sign it, I can print it out. And that's like what I do. And I'm like, did you even see the show? And he's like, no. But he's with his kid.

So I'm like, all right, I signed a couple. And then I get in the car and the driver goes, you shouldn't do that. And I'm like, I know it was annoying, but why? And he's like, because you don't'm like, all right, I signed a couple. And then I get in the car and the driver goes, you shouldn't do that. And I'm like, I know, I know it was annoying,

but why? And he's like, cause you don't know what they're going to print on that. It could be like an Anthony Juscelnick signed copy of tower two coming down. You know what I mean? Like you don't know what they're going to do that. Now I say no to that immediately. Anthony Juscelnick.

I do not believe in the Holocaust. Just you already had signed it. You're like, they signed off on it, man. The autograph people who don't care. Like if it's like a true family could you ever like land at an airport and someone's waiting for you it's like yeah it's like three dudes very weird a little awkward and they don't they and you see it on ebay and nobody wants to buy an autograph picture of me it's just

like like a quick little scribble what would that even go for what would what would you think somebody would even pay for and like a hundred No, maybe like 10 bucks is a joke. I've never seen one on eBay for more than like 15 bucks and I've never seen one sold. They're just selling it to each other. The other guys that get autographs just keep selling it, circulating it, trying to drive up the market. That's like the new NFT. Do you believe in any of that shit? No.

It's so real. The guy, one of the guys that I know, I don't have any involvement in it because I'm not smart. It's so real. The guy, one of the guys that I know, I don't have any involvement in it because I'm not smart, but one of the guys that I know that helps do art for my tour, like did art for the tour, he did art for Whiskey Ginger, he's made us so much fucking money off that stuff.

And I was like, I just guess I don't get it. I don't understand and I don't care about money enough to even want to understand. Yeah, I guess that's right. I have a business manager and if he was like, we're going to put some of your money in NFTsfts or this i'd be like do your thing but otherwise let's be conservative i'm not gonna chase trends and also i always feel like i'm late into the game always that you could if you would buy bitcoin back in the day maybe you're doing well but i don't really know i i truly believe it's all gonna go back to zero yeah and everyone's gonna lose everything yeah of course

i believe that too i also think it's funding fucking you know something shady and illegal like there's no way that's not like a child trafficking source like there's no way that's not some insane illegal black market fuel funnel for money i just don't buy that either like i just don't think that they can't be backed by anything so it's gonna collapse and for sure the government's so shady if they can't get in on it they're gonna kill it anyway and it takes all your attention it's going to collapse. And for sure, the government's so shady, if they can't get in on it, they're going to kill it anyway. And it takes all your attention. It's like my little brother bought stock in GameStop when that was going on. And he was like, I actually bought some and I'm going to like hold on for this. And he said like for a week, he was just on his phone constantly watching it go up a dollar, down a dollar. I'm like, I don't want to do that. I'm

not that into anything that I want to spend that. I don't want to spend my time looking at these things. To me, that's like rich people's online squid game, where I think just like really wealthy people just like fuck with middle to lower middle class people being like, oh, buy this, buy this, buy this, to the moon, doge to the moon, all that shit. And it does inflate it. And then all those rich fucks, they all sell it. Yeah, of course. And you're like, hold out, dude, hold for the long run. And everybody loses inflate it. And then all those rich fucks, they all sell it. Yeah, of course. And you're like, hold out, dude.

Hold for the long run. And everybody loses all that money. I'm sure people did make a couple of bucks on it. I'm sure there's people that did have to come up. Yeah, and I don't knock it if that's your thing. But I get an email once a month telling me how much money I have. And if I want more detail, I'll get it. But I was like, listen, I own stocks.

I have this fund I put money in once a year. The same thing everyone does. And I'm like, what do I own? And they printed out this huge thing. And I looked through and I was like, Apple. Okay. All right. And then just gave it.

I'm not interested. It's like, if it goes down, it goes down. If it goes up, it goes up. I don't. I'm not going to follow it. Was there a moment in your life where you were like, oh, money is not a concern anymore? Could you retire tomorrow? you were like oh money is not a concern anymore like that where you don't you could you retire tomorrow i mean i could i'd have to live you know a little more humbly i guess than i do a little

more frugally than i do but like once i had no money for so long like no money same that once i had any money it felt like i had all the money you know what i mean that it was like okay now once i was like able to fly first class i thought like this is as good as it gets. And I didn't worry about it anymore. Just throw it on the pile. And I don't live in a mansion. I live within my means. But I have enough money that I feel rich. And people are always chasing.

You might have $10 million, but you want $20. I'm never going to be like that. And once I got to a certain point, I was like, okay, I can say this. And now I don't care. And I still want to make money. I still want to work, but it's not as important to me. But once I was able to, like when I couldn't get lunch with my friends and all of a sudden I could get lunch with my friends, I felt rich. That's huge. You know? Yeah. I'll never forget making 700 a week before taxes as an accounting clerk in LA on TV shows and thinking that was all the money in the world well like when you start

headlining clubs and you get like you're getting 1500 you're just like I made it and you don't you don't understand what door deals are yet

you know what I mean it's like and you don't understand theaters are a thing and then it's like arenas and co-headlining where it's like it's these giant venues

that I've thought I've made it so many different times that it doesn't even excite me anymore. I'm just like, okay. So what's the goal then

for stand-up for you? Just to keep working, just to keep getting a better, becoming a better stand-up? No. I mean, I honestly, I think I get better

every time I'm on stage incrementally just by doing it. The goal is just not to stop and to churn out as many jokes as I can in my lifetime before I am like sick of this

and I want to quit because I still love doing it. But it's like I've written, I've done, I'm working on my fifth hour now of comedy and it's jokes. It's like every,

if I come up with a great idea, it's 60 seconds. Like I'll talk to Tom Segura about this and he's like, I go to the dentist and that's 20 minutes. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And he's like, for you, that might be a 30 second joke. And it's a great joke, but that's what I'm interested in getting as many of those out of myself as I can. Yeah. So, and I'm aiming for brilliance.

I'm aiming for greatness. And I think in those four hours I've done, I think I have a handful of truly brilliant jokes, but just a handful. But I'm trying to do as many of those as I can and enjoy myself and try to evolve. What do you think? The other stuff that's in there? That's not those truly brilliant jokes is just great jokes to support the other things.

I think it's like, you've got to fill the hour and it's like, you've got to have, you can't just have nothing but great jokes because people would kind of get bored of it. You need, I feel like I'm a pitcher. You can't just throw fastballs that you got to have some change ups. You got to have some curves in there. So, but I think some of them are are like no one would ever see this coming you know there's something like comics or like i can kind of see where you're going with this sure uh but the audience has to laugh and if they see it coming so i'll get the laugh sometimes like i'll have two or three jokes especially

where the audience laughs a little harder not because it's such a brilliant joke but because they kind of guessed it first yeah and they And they're happy that they got it. But that's almost setting up the next one where they think they know, and I really get them. It's like a crossover dribble. Yeah. Are you doing this hour right now? Do you have it set up somewhere? Are you going to go your own way?

What do you mean? You know, like a lot of people now are turning to the alternative. Or like, Louis has people buy it on his own site. People aren't going with netflix anymore some people are going independently distributing or i don't want to do the work you know i want it to be seen by as many people as possible but like i love the comedy central was just like here's how much you're getting paid we'll take care of the rest of it whereas netflix is like here's what the budget is you'll get this but the and the rest is going to it that i'm like okay but netflix has

kind of annoyed me with the lack of audio you You know, the album was important to me. That now they're not doing albums anymore. Oh, they don't? They'll do a vinyl for you. So you can be like, you can get nominated for a Grammy or whatever the fuck. But you can't get, you can't stream it and you can't like buy the physical media unless it's vinyl. Yeah. So you have to do a separate record deal with another record company.

They won't even do that anymore. Like I had a three album deal with Comedy Central. And so I did two albums with them. And then my last one, Netflix, Netflix had to do it. Give me an album. And then the last one I had to really fight for to get in there. Like we'll do this, but you can't stream it. You can only buy it digitally.

You can get, I have a record deal with like 800 pound gorilla that puts out the vinyl. Right. And then, but you can't hear it streaming normally that I'm like, I kind of liked that aspect of it, even though it doesn't really exist anymore. Yeah. It was important for me to get my first album in stores, which is why I signed a three album deal with comedy central.

And then it was right at the moment where they just stopped doing that. Yeah. But like to get a copy of Shakespeare, you had to like get it from me in person. You couldn't go to best buy and pick it up anymore. But as a kid, I loved getting Steven Wright wright's album yeah like i remember going to get dimitri martin's first album at best by the day it came out like that was just cool to me i still go to

amoeba and go to the comedy section and look through are they there they're still albums there i haven't been to the new amoeba yet but the old one had a comedy section and i would go even like i didn't have a jessel nick label but i had the j miscellaneous and. And I would go through and if it was there, I was like, fuck yeah. And if it wasn't, I was like, someone bought it. Like I was happy no matter what. Yeah, that's a positive outlook on it. Who was there? What albums were there that you were like, this guy's got an album here?

The people that I'd never heard of, that there would be like 10 of them in there. That you're like, no one's buying this. It's like, this is bad. Yeah. But I loved like old Rodney Dangerfield albums. You know, I don't think I ever really bought physical copies but I love those

did you used to be able to go into Amoeba and listen to records could you sit was there a record listening room there I don't know if it was a room I'm sure you could

I just never I never I feel like I remember when I first moved to LA there was like a little shitty I shouldn't say shitty but it's like there was a little like

fucking divey record store in Culver City and you could listen to records. I've been to places like that. I was like, that's can't, that's gotta be a dead thing these days. There was a virgin record store on like,

um, on Crescent Heights and sunset that I still love because they would stay open Monday nights until 1230. So when albums came on on Tuesday at that time, if you really wanted it, like I went and bought white stripes elephant at midnight because I was so pumped to hear it and then drove around all night listening to it. But they had a thing where you would scan it.

Like there were headphones and you would scan the barcode and then you could listen to the whole album if you wanted to. But I never really did that, but I liked that you could. Was that something that you, because we talked before, like you used to love going down to watch movies at Arclight. Like have you always been like a cinephile? Like were you like a kid who was obsessed with film when you were young or no?

I wouldn't say obsessed with film. Like, I wasn't like going back and watching Criterion shit, but I loved going to the movies. And there was a, you know, there's a point when you're a kid where every movie you see is great. Yeah. And then you realize,

like, I remember my dad taking me to go see Superman 4 and like loving it. And my dad just not talking on the way home. And then I read an article a couple years ago about how it's like the worst movie ever made they used the same shot over and over again

of him flying because they had no budget and I like called my dad and apologized he's like I don't remember the movie but thank you for the phone call

that's what it's like to be a dad though you just have to do that like I made my dad I remember made my dad ride some ride we went to like Six Flags or yeah

Six Flags or something and I made him ride the same ride over and over and over again. And I remember him saying to my mom, I'm just fucking exhausted. Like I'm going to go to the hotel. I'm exhausted. I was like, how can you be tired? Like we have so much day left. But then you realize you get older. You're like, oh, he just was doing that to be a good dad. He fucking hated every second of it. Oh yeah. Maybe the first time he was like, okay, I'm bonding with my son. And then he was like oh fuck i gotta this is bonding what did i what did i fucking hate this kid but now to go see a movie it's got to be something i mean especially after the pandemic i've been to the theater twice uh since the pandemic once i went and i saw the

movie old because it had been out in theaters forever i knew it would be an empty theater yeah so it's like let's go see old and and just and be feel safe and then i went uh a week or two ago and saw titane at the uh that used to be the sunset vibe it was the movie that won the palm dior it's like did you ever see the movie raw oh you texted me about this that's right the same director did raw yeah yeah that's right and it's like just a just like a fuck you up movie yeah that movie i love that raw was fucking gross i mean insane that was an insane movie and then you want to go see old is what m. night shamalons yeah yeah how was that i mean interestingly bad you know what i mean that i was like i was kind of like just sitting

there like oh i'd rather watch that than go see like shang chi whatever like the marvel movies i've seen them all yeah but it's like it just glazes over me now that like show me something that really fucks me up it's funny that the interestingly bad is like the perfect review for those things

where you're like yeah I'm engaged but it's not good yeah like I'm here but I don't I don't think I like this at all

I do that with most shit I watch now like if TV series there's so many of them where I'm like I don't think I like this but I'm gonna fucking keep watching I don't think I like this, but I'm going to fucking keep watching.

I don't watch anything anymore. Like I got into reality TV during the pandemic because it was like you could just stream. Like I was, I had kind of a, I bubbled up with another friend

who didn't have anyone. And not that I didn't have friends, but I didn't have like, you know, I'm like, I'm locked in with my dog and her friend was staying with me and she got me into Big Brother.

And this one of the, is that the British one one it was started in britain and now it's here oh got me into that and then the show the challenge which i love what is that the challenge is that mtv show oh it's like it's old reality reality stars who are now like they're all jacked they're all hot right they all get wasted. And they compete and then fight. And it was the best. And that was the first thing that went into production during COVID. They went to Iceland and just got the best of the best and put them in there for a couple months. And I was obsessed with that.

It's still on. What is it, on Netflix or something? No, it's on. You have to get the Paramount app or watch it on demand. But I watch that every week. So you're obsessed with reality TV now just the challenge and then I watched

Big Brother this year and I'm like maybe I I don't know if I would get into it again but it was just something to watch but there's no

except for like Succession I'm excited about but most things I'm just like I don't have the time and after living through the golden age of TV

like right when I moved out here you know Sopranos was going on you had The Wire you had Deadwood that I got to work on. It was the thrill of a lifetime. And as an accounting clerk, not as like an actor, just like being on the set was amazing to me.

After those three, I'm like, what are you going to do? Like, what are you going to do that blows my hair back after that, that I just don't, I don't care. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, you know what's scarier? than ghosts and ghouls on Halloween? Shaving your balls and nicking your sack in the shower and bleeding out. That should have been the final scene in The Shining. Jack breaks in and goes, here's Jack.

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do you work with anybody as a clerk that now that you got where you are that were like dude i used to work with you there was one of my favorite tweets ever who's the guy who uh the guy who created the shield um uh sean yeah no i see the name oh he's got he does swat now he did the shield i know he did he was on the unit there was a lot i did i did three shows american dreams deadwood and then the unit and he tweeted he was like i just found out anthony jesselnik was the accounting clerk on the unit like like uh you know accounting's loss is comedy's's gained. I love him. I wrote him, I was like, this is the best tweet

I've ever seen. Otherwise, people don't remember the accounting clerks. I've had two TV shows and I always go into the accounting department to be like,

I used to work in accounting so I know that you guys don't get a lot of action but I'm going to come and talk to you guys. They look at me like, what are you talking about? Leave us the fuck alone.

We're in here for a reason. Like, get out of here. You don't talk to me, man. They big time you. They're like, get the fuck out Get out of here. You don't talk to me, man. They big time you. They're like, get the fuck out, pal. Yeah. Did you go to school for that shit? I went to Tulane and I was an English major.

I wanted to be a writer. I thought I'd just be literally writing books after that. So I didn't think about entertainment at the time. But my parents said, we're paying for this. So if you're going to get an English major you can't get a job with get a business minor so you can work and so I was out here for a while and my best friend who I do my podcast with now he works for the NFL he was a

page at NBC and he had my resume just like on his desk trying to get me a job doing anything and somebody came by and was like oh he was a business minor like we need someone to do accounting for like six weeks on American Dreams to clean up some mess and by accounting I didn't really know that. I couldn't tell you much about accounting, but I could file stuff and tape receipts to pieces of paper.

So I went there, and they liked me enough that they kept me on the whole season. And then that boss would bring me to Deadwood, brought me to the unit. And when the writer's strike happened, the last big one, the unit got shut down, and I was gone. And then I never went back. Then I was on the road. At that point, you didn't need it. No, but I would be on TV at night and then have to come into work the next day.

So I was truly miserable having to answer the phone and get yelled at because they hadn't gotten their check yet. When I was like, oh, did you see me on Kimmel last night? I fucking crushed. You didn't watch me do my set? Anyway, yes, your check will be in the mail very soon. Was that in New York, 30 Rock? Or I mean, when you said said nbc page that's out here yeah they have the page program in both i always think about whenever i hear that i'm always like oh yeah the page is over at at nbc

there but they i guess what i didn't know they do that out here they won in burbank and then won at 30 rock yeah burbank but everyone remembers kenneth you know yeah well and also i think it's just a thing that i it's such a notable thing about 30 Rock is just NBC pages are just a part of that, the cultural zeitgeist of that running around that building. I mean, when I, when I tested for that show and even when I went back, it's like a part, pages, a part of the culture that I feel like you see Hollywood here. I feel like there's too many people doing too many things. You're like, what is that? Who do all these fucking people do? And there's no signification. It's not like you look like a type of way. Where they're, they usually look, you know, they're wearing the uniform. They're wearing the uniform. Out here, I have no fucking idea. Like, I'm doing this Netflix movie right now.

And honestly, it's so, there's so many fucking people that work on the movie. I have to, I don't, sometimes people come up to me and say something. And I'm like, I don't, maybe that person was important. I have no fucking idea. No idea. I'm not going to call them out, but an actor friend of mine was with me at a thing, and the president of FX is standing right next to us. You know, we're talking to someone. And then he comes over, and he's like, hey, what's up, Andrew? How are you? I'm like, hey, it's great to someone. And then he comes over and he's like,

hey, what's up, Andrew? How are you? I'm like, hey, it's great to see you. How are you doing? He's like, very good. You know, this is great. We were premiering season two of Dave, all this stuff.

And the other actor next to me, he's like, what's up? He's like, hey. And he goes, who the fuck are you? And I was like, no. I was like, no, dude. And he goes, well, I'm the guy that does the thing this is my thing this whole thing

and he was very polite about it he was very very cool he could have been like who the fuck do you think but he was like no I'm the guy this is kind of my whole thing all this stuff is my thing and he goes oh shit and I was like okay nice to meet you dude and when he walked away I told him my buddy I was like don't you know you don't know who the fuck that is he's like no he's wearing fucking street clothes

how the fuck would I know he's he's supposed to look more important than me i'm like your friend like i i've said who the fuck are you to people and they've told me and i'm like oh wow okay now we can talk but like when you just walk up and assume i know who executives are yeah like i never know no i don't know but i usually just play my cards close to my chest and i'm like i don't know that be the fucking, I can't tell anymore who's super important, who's not. I got into an argument with a guy on set that was about, and then halfway through, I realized I was like, fuck, what if this guy is fucking some EP at the thing? And he's going to be like, well, you're not working with us anymore. We got into an argument about touring and he was like, do you feel it's a little irresponsible to be touring right now?

And I was like, no, when would be the good time for me to go back out? People are vaccinated in those that aren't to make the decision. Not that's their fucking right. I'm going to move forward. I'm going to not stop what I want to do just because other people are making their decisions. And he kind of was like, I think it's a little,

you know, unethical or whatever. And I'm like, well, there's thousands of us that are doing it. So fucking, and people people are coming out so i don't know what you want me to say and it's the same token where i get sick of people email like people email you know my agent and i will talk about it they'll email like the fan page or like the mailing list and stuff and be like yo what the fuck why do i have to be fucking vaccinated it's like dude i don't make those rules bud

call your local senate that's your the state you live in said you have to be to do this thing in fact in boston which was really weird i played the wilbur um and right across the street is or next door is the wang theater and then across the street is another one uh and ours i don't think was vac i don't think you had to show a card the wang you do and then the other one all you had to do was have a a negative test if you you know if you refused or whatever

so like even in the one block all the rules were different but I don't like it that's put on the artist as if like I have anything to fucking do with it like I don't make those rules man and

if you don't want to come out and see the show don't come see the show I don't know if you feel unsafe but I'm going to go back to work I don't know I'm in a place of privilege where I don't want to come out and see the show, don't come see the show. I don't know if you feel unsafe, but I'm going to go back to work. I don't know. Yeah, I'm in a place of privilege

where I don't have to tour, you know what I mean, if I don't need to right now. And I don't have the time. Like, I don't have the time in my act that I could take it on the road now. Right. So I'm out of the conversation completely.

So I don't judge anyone for doing it. I'm glad, frankly, I don't have to deal with it. But anytime I'm at the comedy store or at Largo, I'm doing Largo this Friday and they like, you got to show proof of vax

and wear a mask the whole time. Yeah. And people get mad and they're like, I'm boycotting. I'm like, no, you're not. You're not boycotting anything because you're not allowed in.

So like, I don't care. Like, I'm happy they're doing it, but I want people to feel safe while they're there. But if I was on the road, I wouldn't have a problem. I don't know if I'd be doing like, I would,

when people say they're refusing to do shows where they make you max i'm like why why do you let people do their thing and just show up and just do your show and perform well that's what i do i don't i don't i paid i've paid zero attention to the rules of the venue because i have no control over that and i'm certainly not going to take it away from the fans in that city that want to fucking see me to be like hey i don't play there because you know the goofy shit that's going on it's like no i'm gonna play i'll do what i can you do what you can we'll figure it the fuck out i but i do think it is interesting you know to have the card and wear the mask that's kind of one of those things where i'm like what if they got to do it i guess they got to fucking do it but i have heard people bitch about that where they're like i don't, I'll just keep drinking the whole time

and have my mask down. It's like, well, whatever, dude, fight the good fight. I go to restaurants. I eat indoors.

You know, and I do the thing where you sit down at your table, take your mask off, like, and I feel okay, but I am vaccinated. And I think everyone should be. If you're not,

I'm not going to fight about it. I don't want to fight about politics. I don't, but I, and I have my views, but I don't need, I don't care what yours are. It doesn't matter to me. But, but when have my views, but I don't care what yours are. It doesn't matter to me.

But when people complain about it, it's like, you know what the rules are. If it's that important to you to go to a comedy show, then get the fucking shot. Or just leave me alone. Don't bitch about it. Well, you're a sports guy. What do you think? Now it's all going to—Kyrie Irving is not going to play all season. There was an entire coaching staff, I think, at a college that decided that they're not going to play now.

I think it is kind of wild that they're now, like the refusal. I wonder if that's going to start a revolution of athletes that are like, well, I'm not going to get vaxxed and you can't. I'm not going to play either. It's too much money on the table. Like Kyrie is his own fucking thing. Kyrie is a goddamn alien. The flat earther, man. Flat earther.

And the fact that he's saying, like, he might be vaccinated, but he's doing it because of people who are losing their jobs because they're not. I'm baffled by medical professionals who refuse it

and are losing it. Like, if you're a nurse and you've seen what's been going on and you wouldn't get it, I think that's insane. Why do you think that is? I don't know. I think people are strange

about their bodies. And I can see athletes being like, I know everything I put in in my body i'm not putting this in yeah i don't care but it's there's too much money on the table and if it's about your teammates if your teammates are going to lose you or you're going to infect people or do or like you're going to put your team at a disadvantage i don't understand that yeah because in the team sport you do it for your team when if an entire team is vaccinated together, I think that brings them together. I think they'd have a better shot. But I'd be furious if I joined a super team with Kyrie. I mean, luckily, they got Harden and Durant,

so they don't really need him. They're going to be okay. But I would be certainly annoyed. I think it is all about the money, though. I'm sure there's guys that are like, I don't want to fucking get it. But they're like, how much? Yeah, I don't fucking know.

I got guys opting out of the season last know last year like for the NFL with like a bunch of patriots we're like we've won so many fucking rings we've got so much money like I'm just gonna take the year off and yeah and I got that yeah like as a comic who is doing well enough that I was like okay I'm taking I'm taking a year off I didn't do any stand-up at all even outdoor shows until I got vaccinated because I was even like not so I wasn't worried about myself as much as i was kind of worried about like i've been so safe and i'm gonna get it from this like that would be stupid but also i didn't want people getting it coming to see me even if the show was outdoors like they've got to get there somehow it just felt irresponsible to me i understood other people doing it but once i finally got it i was like i i wouldn't have

taken a year off without this and i I think I needed the year off. Did you write during that time or no? I tried it in the beginning. So hard. And just, it was like impossible. If I don't have to get up that night, like doing Largo once a month, I have to have new stuff. I've got a 15 minute set that kills that I've been doing on the regular everywhere I go with very little tweaks. I've seen you.

But I have, I'm trying to write new jokes just so I can try them out. I'll try them out this week and premiere them at Largo because I want people who are coming back to see at least something new. Yeah. When I talk about somewhere

and trying something else out. But other than that, I don't feel, I feel fine doing the same 15 minutes. Which is kind of a problem. I like getting out of that comfort zone. I wish I had to do 20

where I'm like, I'm bombing with this five, I've got to fix it. Because when you just do 15 and you kill, you just feel like, you walk out feeling fine. And there's no, since I don't really feel like I'm bombing with this five I've got to fix it because when you just do 15 and you kill you just feel like you walk out feeling fine and there's no since I don't really feel like I'm going to be touring anytime soon I'm taking my sweet time with this fifth hour but I'm okay with that do you ever do that thing when you when you write a new chunk and you go try it out and it does great and you're like right on and then you go do it again you're like I don't

like any of that fuck is I'm not going to do any of that shit. All the time. It's so weird. The feeling of that is strange. I'm going to do a show tonight and the last time I did it, I tried out a bunch of new stuff and it worked pretty fucking well and then I tried it again before I left to go to Boston

because I was like, maybe I'll just jump in that 10 minutes. Maybe I'll throw it. And it just was mediocre. I was like, I'm not, that's, it's just so annoying

that when you're trying to build, and I think also culturally what's going on right now, there is this, like people are really anxious to get, you know, back out to see comics and clubs and everything, but there's still a, we're almost there vibe from crowds that's like, the road is different, but I mean, locally it's like, yeah, no, no, no,

we're in, but you know, careful. Just be careful what you're talking about there's almost like this looming thing behind it for some reason you mean not about just about cancel culture in general

just everything I think people are all I think people are weary of all I think people are so smarter smarter now about what's going on in comedy what's going on about

social and culture they don't really just escape and then live in this moment with you. They're thinking a lot about the outside world responding to what you're saying. See, I can see where you're saying that. I'm immune. Yeah, you have to be.

People know, at this point, people are like expecting me to- To say some fucked up shit. I open with that trans bit. And I wish to God I could do a special tomorrow because of Chappelle bringing up all this renewed. It's like, here's how you can do a trans bit without making anyone upset. Here's how you can do it in a way that's not bowing down to PC culture, but is doing it in a very smart way that, frankly, I think only I could do.

And I wish I could get it out. I thought about, should I just go and Kimmel and do a five-minute set just to get this out there? But I don't want to burn it. I want people who see the hour when it's done to get the whole hour. I get that. When you saw Chappelle's stuff about all that, is that annoying when you see that? Because then you're like, well, now anybody after, it's going to be like, well, look at the version that he did versus the version that he did.

Because it is such like a touchy thing now. No, the only time I felt that way was my first standup special was called Caligula for Comedy Central. And I taped it and it was at the time rape jokes were the thing. Where it was like, everyone's fighting about that, but I opened with a rape joke.

And I was like, you like that? I got five more. And I had five more rape jokes throughout the special. And then after I taped it, the Tosh thing happened. And then it was like, well, it's almost hack now to do. It's like,

you're trying too hard to do a rape joke that I was glad I kind of got it in under the, under the radar. So it was like, it was still a little edgy at the time, but it was, it wasn't the same way it would have been if that Tosh thing hadn't happened. That,

but I think like my trans joke is almost a response to Chappelle's obsession with it. You know, when I watched the special, I'm like, I'm not offended by this. I response to Chappelle's obsession with it. When I watch the special, I'm like, I'm not offended by this. You've done five of these that I would love to hear you talk about anything else. And I know he's got other material. He's choosing this. And I love Chappelle. He's one of the greatest comics of all time.

But I don't understand the obsession. I mean, I don't know. I didn't. For me, it was one of those things where, you know, yeah, I mean, it's just, I just, I didn't love the joke. I didn't love the jokes. So I was like, I love him, but it's hard for me to fight back on some of that stuff

because I'm like, man, I don't like that joke. It's not that it offended me or that I was upset that it offended another community. It was more like like I was like, I just didn't love the joke. I just wish his, I know he writes better stuff about other stuff.

So you're like, there's a fight online. There was a fight online between comics talking about it. And you're like, or we could just say that we don't really love the joke because that seems to be

the impetus of the problem. I read about it and I wanted to just not watch it. But I'm like, people are going to ask and I don't want to be the guy who's like, I haven't seen it,

but from what I've read, because he did a special a couple years ago where he got a lot of hate on the internet and people were writing the jokes. And then I watched the special and I was like,

there's a twinkle in his eye. The way he's saying this doesn't translate to the page. That people are overreacting to this one. And I forget which one it was. So I was like, I'll watch it for that.

And I felt the same way as you that I'm like, these aren't that good. The crowd's kind of like oohing forget which one it was. So I was like, I'll watch it for that. And I felt the same way as you that I'm like, these aren't that good. The crowd's kind of like oohing that like he went there. But he's like, I did my last special and I had a 20 minute

abortion story at the end that I'm very proud of. That's the succulent? Yes. Yeah, I remember that. And I'm like, I can never tell an abortion joke again for the rest of my life.

Like I hit it so hard for 20 minutes. Yeah, that's the one. Like that's done. Right. For me that I can't believe that he doesn't feel that way and i'm glad at the end where he's like i'm not gonna do this again i'm gonna take a break for a while and i can't wait to see what he comes back with but uh and i always i always want to watch but i've just been like he you just seem you seem angry more than trying to be funny like he has a place of privilege where people are going to love him no matter what totally come out and see him

that he doesn't care about being funny like i want to be able to kill everywhere with my act all clubs and like club clubs and club clubs yeah you know i'm largo and the comedy store like i know something's really good if it works at supernova the comedy store and largo because i'll crush with something at largo and then take it to the store and they're like yes no or i i do the thing now where i'll come up something at Largo and then take it to the store and they're like, like, no. Or I do a thing now where I'll come up with like a story

and I'm like, I got to do this on a talk show. Like I got to do this like sitting down telling Jimmy Kimmel the story because it's not me.

You know, it's funny and it would be a good dinner story but it doesn't work as a stand-up act. So you'd have to just save it

for something else or interject it into another thing that you're going to do. No, I burned half an hour of material that I was doing on stage, just promoting my last special by telling that story on the couch. And it was like, it's not a conversation.

It's just me literally doing standup sitting down, but it made more sense coming from me as a human being than me as the, as like the, the fucking devil piece of shit i am on stage you know i know when people don't know you and i know you it is funny when people think they know who you are because of the character that you portray on stage but it is very much not you in this weird way i mean it's you it's you sure but it's not but it has this myth and i think that's probably because you know you saying that you want you that you wanted to be a writer i think you get to embody this kind of written character that you have

which is like another subset of the comedy writing like you get to write the comedy the jokes you get to write them as this great character that you've created in your mind a little bit you embody it on stage but it is interesting that like i think people think they know who you are. And that's hard to do as a comic, unless who you are is exactly who you are. Like, Segura is Segura, unmistakably. So when you meet him off- Nebogatsu's Nebogatsu. That's exactly who he is.

You, on the other hand, it's like, sometimes I see when people meet you sometimes if we're out. And I think it's just, I mean, you feel it so much more than I do, but as a third party, it's wild to watch them think they know who you are and how to act with you and they're surprised when they don't get what they're looking for for whatever that means you know it's as if you didn't take your shirt off for a cry shirt do you know what I mean when they're like why is your clothes on yeah it's like they treat you like that sometimes and I'm like oh they just think you're

this exactly this thing on stage yeah or they think I want to hear that from like they'll come up and like give me tell an edgy joke to me or say something edgy or like insult me or insult someone right as like a roast kind of thing and i'm just like that's what i do like i've done this so much that i i don't want to see someone's dark comedy because it's like it doesn't do anything for me like i've explored it so much on my own that i don't i don't need that so stop trying you know stop coming up to me and trying yeah don't try to make me laugh did you ever write a book since you were gonna go to fucking school to write did you ever sit down never I wrote like a novella my senior year is like my thesis for

creative writing yeah uh that I thought was great and then read it later on I was like I'm throwing this away so no one can ever read it it's probably good then and I've tried to write like my my therapist was like try to write a novel you know during this pandemic like try that and i sat down and i hated i hated the process so much and i think even people who write novels and actually get them published hate the process so much but i'm spoiled by comedy yeah the idea of writing a joke and it's like it's almost like a poem it's this tiny little mechanism that has to work in a perfect way and getting to go on stage and just do that and then come for the next one those are my novels to me that i really didn't want to get into i don't care about character the story beats the outline like i hated that stuff so much

that it just it felt bad and i didn't feel like pushing through to make it make it good like i'd be embarrassed by anything i put out you know yeah it would it would feel almost like a vanity project um putting out a novel that I could get something published. Like I almost, I wanted a book deal after my first TV show got canceled

I met with book agents and I was like, I want to do like a very dark kind of Jack Handy-esque, it's like a hitman, an absurd hitman character who has these like little

like vignettes of like, of action. It's basically like a joke but it's written out and it's very violent and he was like brett easton ellis meets jack handy i can sell that tomorrow uh i can get you like i can get you six figures like give me 20 pages and i'll sell it and i was like great and i got five pages in and i was like cancel that like i don't want to do this i'm going back to jokes yeah i just i love stand-up and each special

i consider to be like i'm very precious with my specials in that hour i'm like these are my novels put those on a book shelf yeah and uh and that's gonna be it for me and maybe one day something comes across that i want to do but i i never wanted to do my my stand-up book yeah everyone does do a stand-up everyone does it and then they go away so quickly that i wouldn't want something that would go out of print right you know well it's kind of, it's a little bit of a money graft. Sure. The standup book thing is like, it's just, it's like more of me, you know? And that's fine.

It's fine for people that love to throw that stuff out there. I would just, you know. When I hear a collection of essays, I'm like, get out of here. Get out of here. A small collection of essays from your favorite comedian. Although I do think there's value in someone to tell when you have a great story if your story if your life story is valuable and there's some richness to that you know like uh i didn't know anything about trevor noah other than who he was until i heard about his life story and like it's fucking what

that's i mean there's merit in that that you're like tell that fucking story. And like, it's fucking, I mean, there's merit in that, that you're like, tell that fucking story. Oh, yeah. I mean, Doug Stanhope's books are amazing. Yeah. Fucking, have you read Daryl Hammond's memoir? Ugh. Holy fucking shit.

Wait, hey, God, if you're there, what is it called? Fuck. Hey, God, if you're there, I'm, oh my God, I want to know so bad. You're so close. God. I couldn't tell you. It's something like that. It's like, hey, God, if you're there i'm oh my god i want to know so bad you're so close god i can't i couldn't tell you it's something like that it's like hey god if you're there i'm whatever yeah but that that that book i highly do recommend that for anybody that that had some

heartbreaking moments oh about snl like that just this this just crippled with depression and anxiety of like leaving before they do that curtain call with the you know where everyone says goodbye and goodnight and like sneaking out

the back and having panic attacks you know during performances it's like the story of him going to the inauguration oh my god

is insane and like there's a whole bit of little asides where he's like I dated this girl for a while she was beautiful ended up hanging herself

from a ceiling fan and that's the end and he just moves on where you're like fuck Daryl girl for a while. She was beautiful. Ended up hanging herself from a ceiling fan. And that's the end. And he just moves on. We were like, fuck, Daryl. Yeah, he had that. I mean, have you ever met him recently?

Do you see him around? I've seen him. I saw him at Supernova. We used to kind of talk a little bit at the comedy cellar. But he was not in the best frame of mind.

You know, he was very nice, but... He was a little... Medicaid. Yeah. But he would always... But he would watch sets which is wild

for guys of his generation would never fucking most of those guys would never fucking watch your set i don't give a fuck how you're anthony jesson they're he's not gonna watch your fucking set doesn't matter but he would watch sets like all the sets at the improv and i was like he's watching everybody which is so weird and then made a good nice comment to me afterwards and i was like oh that's kind of wild to see that generation still actively involved because most of those guys don't do that i love when you when they introduce you like it's supernova where they have to like like damon wayans has to introduce me and has to say something nice and when he's like he's one of the best stand-ups working today i'm just like that like hits me right in my heart because i'm like

i grew up like obsessed with you yeah on in living color it's so cool that those guys when I met Dana Carvey and he came up to me and was like my kids you're like my kids are comics and you're their favorite comic and I was like fucking Dana Carvey knows who I am and is like a fan like that just it blows my mind every time that's awesome those guys you grew up watching yeah it's uh is it upsetting when a legend doesn't know who you are that you're a big fan of when you meet them and you're like, oh, I thought you might know who I am? No, it's upsetting when they're kind of, like I kind of have a rule to like not meet your idols.

Like I've met people that I've been very like obsessed with and you get some fame and it's like, they're just not who you want them to be. And it's not even their fault. It's just like, they're on a different level than you in terms of like age and experience. Sure. They're on a different, they were where you were once and it's just like they're on a different level than you in terms of like age and experience. They're on a different,

they were where you were once and it's just not a pleasant experience that I'd rather just, unless they want to come meet me, then great. Or they have a podcast. Because if they have a podcast, they have to research you and be nice to you

and ask you questions and that is great. Being on Brett Easton Ellis' podcast was amazing. And having a beer with Brett Easton Ellis was podcast was amazing yeah and having a beer with Brett Easton Ellis was not that great what really

because it was just like I don't know what I expected like he wasn't a bad he wasn't a bad guy he wasn't a bad dude but it wasn't like I was like I've been reading your books

my whole life you're my favorite author yeah and he was just like so you don't have a job for me okay I'm just going to pontificate on whatever

but doing his podcast was great was fascinating yeah i um this is not me talking shit but it is weird not that he's a hero he was not a hero of mine but it often happens where i know someone or i know who they are and then i meet him and hang out with him through some other fucking person that's famous that i might know and i'm like shocked at how they're so far from what I thought they would be. Like, you know, we were on the road and we met, oh my God, from Tool, Maynard Keenan. Yeah, yes.

And in my mind, he's a totally different guy. And then when I meet him, he owns this winery in Scottsdale and hosted us and was really sweet and nice and knew fucking everything about wine that you've ever heard of in your entire life. Down to the point where you're like, are you saying this for you to hear or for me to know? It was almost like an obsession. And it wasn't bad. It was just so not what I thought he was going to be, which is shame on me for even projecting what it might be. But it was kind of a bummer in a weird way.

Because like he was fucking shit face, just like convulsing about wine. And I was like, I didn't want this to be the thing that we talk about at all. Like I don't give a fuck about wine. Yeah, but it's not their fault. It's like your expectations that you bring to the table by worshiping this person is never going to be

like exactly what you want. Well, have you met someone that's been kind of what you wanted it to be? You're like, that's kind of that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Josh Ohm from the Queens of the Stone Age. Was exactly.

He kind of became friends and it was like exactly what you wanted. Like drove the car you wanted him to drive. Like drank as much as you wanted to drink like just had a great great time great stories

just really really fun have you opened for that band before? I tried to I was supposed to open for them at

I forget we became friends because I like I went to a show I did some benefit downtown at a bar that he like owns I didn't even know

he owned it I just showed up and he was like hey what's up I'm a big fan I was like holy shit and we start talking and then they came to the comedy store like as a band and they said we're doing i tell the story on kimmel where uh they're like oh yeah we're almost done with our tour we're gonna do europe and then we're doing um we're doing san quentin prison i want to be like do like a johnny cash tape an album i was like do you need an opener he was like'd be awesome. We'll put you on the album.

Like, you'll be on the album cover with us. Like, the album will open with your set and then us. And I was so happy. And it was like months later, we're doing it. And I guess, I didn't know this, but San Quentin kept calling my manager, whoever was setting it up and being like, what's the set list?

He can't say the, like, and I get the rules and I'm like, I can't follow any of these. Like every joke I have breaks every rule that's here. And the band can do whatever they want, but that's not the same for me. And I get there and the guards are aggressive. And they're doing everything to keep me off stage. And I'm pissed. Because I'm like, I wouldn't have gotten on the plane.

I would have been fine not doing this. Sure. But getting here now, I'm mad. So I'm like, let me introduce the band, at least. And they go, okay. And then I went up and did as much time as I could before they cut my mic. Which was like 90 seconds. Did the prisoners love it?

Prisoners loved it. Yeah. Of course they loved it. Like they're in jail for fucking murder. They're not mad that you swore. They're not mad that you like talk about. So what's the reasoning for you? Because they think that might be inciting something.

Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. Yes. That they're like, you start using that kind of language and talking that freely, these guys are going to think they're, because that is part of the, to their, like just to play devil's advocate, the part of standup that is hard to articulate to people is that there is this feeling where they are kind of one with you and you are kind of this, we're together. You're you're like i'm speaking to us for us it's us and they do kind

of feel a part of a unit which is why i think fans are always like they want to see you and meet you and be with you and know you because they're like we just fucking did that together you're like i just i just did it and they're like no no dude i fucking was there i was there yeah we have the same sense of humor like i thought i thought this was so funny and they're going to repeat it like i wasn't mad they they didn't want me to perform. I got that. Yeah. I was mad they let me get there

before they told me. Right. You know, that was what upset me. Or the band knew and they were like, fuck it, we'll just figure it out

because bands don't give a shit. The band was like scared of like what I was going to do. They were like, I don't know. Like I almost did, I toured with Chris Rock on his last big tour,

like the international part of it. And we were going to go to um dubai and my agent called me he's like we're worried about you and i'm like why and they're like they have like the rules are crazy like we don't want you going to jail oh yeah you can go to prison you can say yeah i'm like well what tell me just tell me the jokes i can't say you know and i won't do those i'm only doing fucking 15 minutes opening for chris rock and then like that's not the case it's not that it's like Chris can say

whatever he wants he's Chris Rock you cannot and Chris ended up canceling Dubai anyway so I was like okay but I realized like there are different rules

for different people you know yeah of course I mean that's why like go try to fucking smoke at the cellar when you get to New York it's like

yeah Chappelle is gonna do it but if you do it they'll let you do it and then afterwards oh you'll never be there they'll come up to you and be like hey man the fuck are you

out of your fucking mind but I know venues that won't have Chappelle because of smoking oh really yeah I don't think I've seen him smoke at the store

I saw him at the OR smoke one time but he usually doesn't smoke when he's there you think that's conscious that he does that because he's like I don't

it might be like in the belly room because he likes the belly room I can see it being like this is too much you know i mean it's too much in the belly room this is a crazy fire hazard maybe not there and he did a special in there maybe he smokes during that i don't remember i don't i'm not like oh chapelle's smoking now i've never been around him enough to be like oh he's smoking but i remember like i had friends who run meltdown remember meltdown? Yeah. He dropped in and he's smoking. And when someone comes up and he's like, you can't smoke in here.

And he goes, are you serious? Like no one's ever told him no. Right. You know, like Chevy Chase. There was a good summer camp I went to where Chevy Chase had a kid who went to the camp. And there was no smoking anywhere because it's like all just, it could all go up. And Chevy shows up and he's just chain smoking and throwing them around and no one's going to say anything. But then the other people at the show

were like, no, no, you can smoke, you can smoke. It's okay. It's okay, Dave. Well, you're not going to say, you're not going to say no to him. Like I remember when Dave first came back, you know,

from like his hiatus and he was doing clubs like really secretly he was bouncing around. There was a video that got up on YouTube. He was at the comedy store in London. You know,

I think they have one there. It has nothing to do with the comedy store. Yeah, but He was at the comedy store in London. You know, I think they have one there. It has nothing to do with the comedy store. Yeah, but it is called the comedy store. I think that's where it was. But, I do remember, it's packed.

I mean, it's fucking like sardines in there. And you just see the tops of people's heads. And, they're standing. And he's smoking, and the ceiling's really low. And,

from the back, someone's like, you can't smoke in here. And he goes, what? And the guy goes, you can't smoke in here, mate. And he goes, you can't smoke in here, mate. Everybody fucking lost it. But of course, nobody stopped him. And I was like, that's Dave Chappelle. Like he has, he of course he's allowed to do that.

Who's going to stop? I might also think it's an asshole move yeah like i would feel terrible i would feel so terrible i would feel and i love i love being a fucking asshole but i would i would just be like everyone's got to smell this like but do you love being an asshole or is it that you love playing the asshole because who you really are isn't an asshole at all if i think of something like i did this at supernova where i buried a girl i was uh this girl open it was good went right in front of me it did an eight minute set and did not get a single

laugh like just died whitney was there that night i didn't know she was just bombing so and like you couldn't tell where the joke was like the audience wanted to laugh i was like waiting for it and i thought of it i thought of something funny to say and then I was like, that's too mean. But then as I take a step on stage, I'm like, fuck it. And I go, give it up for eight minutes of silence, everybody. And they went crazy. Where like afterwards I was like, is she okay?

Like, is she all right that I said that? And she came up later and she was like, that was really funny. It hurt, but it was funny. Like, I get it. That's when I'm like, this is an asshole move, but it's so funny. Do you go up to her

afterwards and go hey you know I'm oh fuck no but if she comes up to me like she was like that hurt but it was really funny and I'm like

you were great and she walked away and I was like why did I say that why did you fail but I'm not gonna be like you were so bad I had to

it's like I gotta call it out like I've been yelled at by people not yelled at but people have been upset at that show Supernova because they bring you up.

We're like at the comedy store. I make fun of everyone when I follow them. I don't make fun of anyone in their intro because I don't want to cut your legs out before you get on stage. But I'll make fun of you as soon as I get on stage because your time is done. I did it to Rogan. I did it to Leah. I do it to Sebastian every time. It doesn't matter who you are.

It's like this is my time now, and I'm going to take something that you said and have my take on it sure um and i think that's always fair game even if people get mad i'm like why are you mad if they didn't laugh like if someone if they if the audience does not laugh which has happened on occasion then you can get mad you know then it's like me just being an asshole if it's funny yeah it's my job to be funny and i'm going to use what what you just did you also do it with a little bit of, you know, like you said earlier on about having a twinkle in his eye when Dave said something, and you're like, that's the context version of comedy where you're like,

you know what he fucking meant. He wasn't, this wasn't this brutal assault on you as a person or your community. This is a fucking joke. He's joking. In that same regard, you kind of do the same thing where you're in on the joke and you're with us and you kind of give like a little nod to the audience when you

have punch lines that are really like hard-hitting that they know that you know that you're like come on you know it's it's like re-reminding them through your face that you're like you know we're fucking around yeah you clearly know we're fucking around and i'm not going on a rant you know sure people rarely get in trouble for one tweet. It's the tweet storm. Right. You know what I mean? It's like when you keep on going and you start

fighting with people, that's when it becomes a problem. True. Listen, I've gotten in trouble for one tweet before a couple times. But it's the people

who really go. Was it the I Hate Choose? Which one was it? No, that was fine. That went over well, huh? I had a Boston Marathon thing that was a big one. What was it? It was the day of the Boston Marathon bombing. And again, in my defense, I had a TV Marathon thing that was a big one.

What was it? It was the day of the Boston Marathon bombing. And again, in my defense, I had a TV show at the time that was talking about the things you weren't supposed to talk about. That was the name of the fucking show. Yes. And I think this will be great. I'll tweet this joke, and then I'll have to defend it on the show.

And the joke was, and I'm very careful about how I do these things. The word choice is very important to me. I don't say Boston. I don't to me. I don't say Boston. I don't say marathon. I don't say bombing. I just said, guys, today there are just some lines that should not be crossed, especially the finish line. And I think this made my staff laugh.

And you can't, like, it didn't have triggers in it. But because it was me, it, like, it set off this, I got this huge backlash, and I'm kind of enjoying it. I'm like, these people are going to watch the show, our season finale. And then the network was like, take this down right now and do not mention it on the show at all. Comedicential?

Oh, my God. Yeah, do not say a word about this at all. What is it, though? Like, what's the thing that you've learned about how being kind of that evil twisted guy it's like what is it that you know you're going to get away with it then and why did you know that that was going to fuck you up a little bit i didn't know it was going to fuck me up i thought like people are going to be like this is kind of like the day kobe bryant died all right no one's everyone anyone who tried to fuck with that got buried hard and i reached a fear yeah it was fucking like but he went head

on he went right at it which do you respect as somebody who likes those kind of fucking dark twists no it's not jokes it's not that you did it it's how you do it i mean art is getting away with it you know and he just like went at and it was he was just trolling and i don't really respect trolling yeah he was yeah he was but i like later on that day and i was devastated that day and then i see uh a tweet that's like announcing comedy central has announced they're going to start uh airing reruns of james corden in the mornings and i just quote tweeted that and was like just when you thought this day couldn't get any worse and it was like that is like that's what i do you know i get away with it and i thought with the boston thing it was like one person at comedy central that was like

take this down and it was someone that i didn't have a relationship with yeah that i'm like why am i having to listen to this person now when the people i have relationships with the higher ups were like you you got away with it in terms of like because i didn't say boston i didn't say bombing i wasn't like oh somebody really bombed at the of like, because I didn't say Boston. I didn't say bombing. I wasn't like, oh, somebody really bombed at the marathon, like which I saw a million of those. It wasn't that. It was like a very clever way to kind of like,

you're not triggering someone, but you're like playing that chord. Sure. You know, just a little bit. But the trick is to get away with it. I don't want to be a troll. I want to be like so good that you're like, you made me laugh on this horrible day yeah you know

and I've been successful other times but I didn't have a TV show you know at the time are you gonna make a new TV show or no? you ever gonna do that shit again? I would love to

I would love to bring Good Talk back but I think it's dead we tried and people thought it was a talk show and to get another talk show hosted

by a white guy is impossible and I was like it's not a talk show it's like kind of making fun of them and we had the whole season written I was two weeks from production when everything got shut down that i had the guests booked i had i had the episodes written that i could do it tomorrow

if uh if everything came together but trying to resell it after comedy central went down the tubes was impossible are they still what does that even mean though are they still alive they're still doing stuff no they're a production company now. They have The Daily Show, South Park, and Nora from Queens or whatever the fuck. But that's not coming back after this season. I don't know what that is. It's that Awkwafina show. Oh, I know her.

Yeah. But no one's pitching to Comedy Central. It's like maybe they'll produce things, but they're rerunning The Office 24-7. Isn't that crazy to think? I remember being obsessed with comedy central my whole childhood was like there was nothing cooler like i remember how excited i like when when swartzen did his half hour that first half hour that was just oh yeah

raucous i mean it was like the funniest thing i'd ever seen i remember being like getting on comedy central is like becoming a king you become you become cemented in history as the coolest thing of all time. Oh, it was everything. I mean, it's like getting on Premium Blend changed my life. It's like, no, I got to get the half hour. No, getting a special, getting a TV show on there. We're like musicians talking about MTV. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like things changed where stand-up changed. And I guess kids now maybe are like, I got to get on Netflix if I'm on. Or maybe I see YouTube specials that seem to do well yeah sam morrell i i had him over here he's a homie i mean he he had his special had millions of views on it online which arguably it would that's more there than he would have gotten on another platform you know on amazon or whatever i don't you know i don't even know i just think think that's, the new wave is cool. I'm not against it. I'm just saying it's wild

to think how far that thing fell because for us, it was the pinnacle. And I don't know if that happens often in other performance art where you're like, this thing is undeniably

the biggest thing that made superstars out of comedians. I mean, fucking, even Dane Cook. I mean, they credit him with, you know, MySpace or whatever and all that stuff,

but like, his shit on Comedy Central was also why he got so visibly known oh that half hour mitch hedberg's half hour zach gallifinax yeah like that one like those things but that's back when they only had 20 of them and they'd run them all the time yeah by the time i got a half hour they ran it like once or twice at midnight right i never saw it again mine ran it mine ran at 11 45 yeah so it didn't like it didn't mean that much anymore and like specials, now everyone's got one. And again, I'm old enough, I don't really watch YouTube. So it seems like, oh, you're throwing it away.

But then it's like, no, people are doing very well. I yelled at someone at Comedy Central right before they really shut down. And I was like, my friend did a special for you, and you buried it on the app. Why would you not air this special? It's legitimately great. And this woman says, she was the head of Comedy Central. She goes,

you know, in my defense, way more people saw it online than would have ever seen it if we aired it on the network. Because they would air, like they had aired Bo Burnham's special at midnight on a Sunday

or midnight on a Saturday. And you're like, why would you? No one sees that. Why would you do this? I think at some point they realized they were just counting the losses because it was just too hard to stay afloat i mean i think it was just they couldn't compete

i remember when they were we were pitching i pitched stuff for that cc digital that they started years ago and i was like this could be the new platform for them because they were trying to keep up with what was coming and it just wasn't and it was just i know and you know i don't want to mention names of guys because you know all the people that were there. But it was just a bummer because I was like watching my friends who got jobs have the job slip away. But it was so good at one point. You were like, this is, you guys are, you're the fucking, this is Wolf of Wall Street. You know what I mean? It's like they were the best.

They were the biggest everything. They had all the coolest people wanted to go there. But it's show business. I mean, when people get mad, I'm like, this is show business. It's not fair. No, it's is show business. It's not fair. No, it's so fucked up. It's not reasonable.

Yeah. Like things change and you just hope you get the wave. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like Bill Burr like started the Netflix wave. He was the first guy in at Netflix. People were like,

Bill Burr is doing specials at Netflix. Why not Comedy Central? Why not HBO? And it was like, you don't understand. You know? Yeah. And I guarantee Bill Burr,

whatever Bill Burr does next will be the next big thing. We'll just follow Bill Burr. I'd be happy to do that. Fucking do. All right. You're not on the road. Um,

I appreciate you coming over here and doing this. I'm sure you got shows tonight. Um, no, I think I take Mondays and Tuesdays off. Oh, you do? I do my podcast.

I was doing my podcast Tuesday nights. Monday night was usually like a non, non comedy night. And now with the NFL coming back, my, my, uh, podcast partner has to do it Monday night. Does he work for the network? Is that what you said?

Yeah, he's an analyst for the NFL. Greg Rosenthal. I know the name and I know the podcast. And also listen to Anthony's podcast with Gregory Rosenthal. I actually didn't know his name was Greg Rosenthal because I just see Rosenthal. Yeah, the Jesselnik and Rosenthal Vanity Project, JRVP. If you like the Jesselnik Offensive,hal Vanity Project, JRVP. If you like the Jesselnik offensive, it's like basically that

in podcast form, but just the line is like, what's going to get Greg fired? Like, we don't get to do a video because we're worried that it would get him into trouble. I think about that too. People are always like, you know, like me and Bobby on our show, and sometimes even on this show, if I'm with a guest that gets too fucking wild and wacky and we say stupid shit,

people are like, what if FX sees that and gets mad and i'm like well but what but but what at some point you're like what unless i'm being so blatant out of out of line yes where it's like absurd and like rude and crap and grow and even myself i would be like why did i say that that's disgusting that doesn't make sense that's not who i am i wouldn't yell all these, you know what I mean? Like, I just, it's, I don't think, I think that fear has died down for most people. You're like,

well, what am I going to say? As a comic, I'm a comic, but he's got the NFL network being like, Hey man. Like we started, the podcast started at the NFL where he kind of snuck me into the building and we did it.

And it was called RJVP, the Rosenthal, Rosenthal and Jessalyn Vanity Project. And every week they would go to him and be like hey man like this could be a problem like if somebody high enough sees this you're in trouble you know because i was i was really towing the line they're going over the line there yeah like making up stories about roger goodell you know like just crazy shit and talking about or were they made up like people thought they were true i'd be like i was riding up here in

the elevator with Roger Goodell, and he was like, Anthony, your new abortion bit is the funniest thing I've ever seen. And people took it seriously. But he was always kind of like, we did our 16 episodes, and they were like, get out of here. Like, go. And then we brought it back years later.

What did John Gruden call Roger Goodell an anti-football pussy? Is that what it was? That's maybe the funniest line I've ever heard. Those emails, when you read all the lines, all thes together it was i think he was trying to be funny yeah and some of them were legit hilarious in terms of just like in terms of just you know over like going over the over the line but he used those old boy slangs where you're like you know when he said rubber lippin or whatever tire tire what is he called he said the guy's mouth his lips are as big as michelin tires or something

when he's like yeah i call people rubber lips and right no you don't no you know it's not the 40s yeah no one's over there rubber lippin no you know that wasn't true but it was a funny defense and it did make me laugh he's like guys we all say that for sure i that was just it was like a good try to get out but i also think in his defense for sure even though because I laugh at all the stuff that he said because it's insane A don't send shit from a corporate email

come on bud what are you doing he wasn't I think it was his personal but it was to a corporate one of the chains the guy from Washington it was to a corporate email

yeah you gotta know you can't fucking can't be like at NFL.com I never as a comic I'm like publish my emails

you know I've talked wild shit like I'm on text change with comics. Yeah, we all. They'll be like, should we delete these? And I'm like, who cares if they find out we're making fun of X? That we're being mean? Yeah.

Like, are they going to get mad? Like, are we going to lose jobs? Like, I don't sweat it. No. But also open up all the, hey, NFL, open up all the owner's emails. I'd love to see all those. I couldn't believe the one person they got was Gruden. That's insane to me.

Well, you know why. I think he had to go. Well, you know why. Anytime it's somebody like that that's so specific, where the scope is pointed at one target, it's because somebody that he used to work with is like, fuck this guy. I'm fucking clipping this guy.

Yeah. It's such a coordinated effort that you're like, this isn't an accident. But if they had been like, we found these emails, they got leaked, this is the Yeah. It's such a coordinated effort that you're like, this isn't an accident. But if they had been like, we found these emails, they got leaked, like this is the thing. But like the NFL leaked them. The NFL was like, we would look through hundreds of thousands of emails and John Gruden's fired.

He's got to be like, an investigation into Washington? I get caught? Yeah, but that's also, and it all points back to politics too. They're always trying to shark someone that they have an issue with. And if you're caught in the crossfire, in his case he was, you're out. It's fucking over. Oh, the way that works. Like if someone gets canceled, quote unquote, on the right, you know, on the political right.

Sure. Someone gets canceled on the left. You know what I mean? Like the only reason that, who's the senator? I know, Al Franken. Al Franken got got because someone on the right had, I forget who it was. A hundred percent.

They were going for someone that like, we got to get one of yours now. When Roseanne got taken down. Yeah. And they're like, we've got to find someone to get on the left.

It's like, really, it's got to be even like that? You can't, it can't just be an individual thing. No, they have to, that has, that's eye for an eye shit.

Franken was probably in response to, what was the guy's name? The guy that was on trial trial for uh that incident in college why can't he cried i drink many beers what the fuck was that guy's name oh the fucking supreme court justice yeah that was on the that was on the the exact same timeline that al franken got clipped it was like because going after trump for the same thing 100 dude that was like we get him to resign maybe trump will have to feel pressure and totally that's how many how many

that's just like it is truly it's like, it is truly, it's like chess. It is political chess. They're like, you get, okay, you get a pawn, then we get a pawn. But it's all to protect this other thing, which is Pizzagate, pedophiles, Epstein's Island. Which I'm not going to say whether or not you've been there, but you have shown me text messages of how pretty the water is. He's a great friend. A dear friend. I miss him every day.

You guys, go see this man live here in Los Angeles if you live here. If you don't, he's going to be on the road, maybe sometime down the road in the future. Who the fuck knows? When it's ready, it'll be ready, okay? You can't eat the cake yet, but go listen to the podcast to keep up with this gentleman because he's the best.

I appreciate you doing this. I'll see you this week at the show because I'm sure we're doing one together at least. Look in that camera right there and say one word or one phrase to end this show. One word or one phrase. You will probably not see me on a podcast again for at least two years.

In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse Gingers are beautiful You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse Gingers are hell no This whiskey is excellent

Ginger, I like gingers