Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Our old pal Ari Shaffir is back on the podcast. They catch up on old times and share some wild stories. You'll just have to watch to find out! #whiskeyginger #podcast #andrewsantino ================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBITHOLE $5 OFF YOUR ORDER https://rabbitholedistillery.com/buynow USE PROMO CODE: RABBIT SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey GREEN CHEF Get our best deal of the year! $250 OFF YOUR ORDER https://greenchef.com/whiskey250 BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey ============================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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What up, WCJJ fans? Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man, Steve Harvey done say. It's Ari Shafir. Ari Shaffir. Funny dude. Funny dude. Saw him tape his last special Jew live in New York. He's working on a whole new one. All sorts of new stuff. So very talented. Go see Ari Shaffir live on the road. Also, I'm on the road. Me and Robert E. Lee, me and Bobby Lee are doing a handful of shows left for the Bad Friends Tour.

We each do stand-up comedy. We do a bunch of stuff, crowd participation. It's so fun and so wild. You have to come see it. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com. Tomorrow night, we're going to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey. And then we go to Salt Lake City.

We do Reno, Tucson. We do Windsor and Niagara Falls and Temecula and Sacramento. Then we end it all in Vegas on 420. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Badfriendspod.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Take everything out of your pockets.

I'm trying to get comfortable. I know, I want you to get comfortable. I know. I want you to. Are you sick? No, I was knacking cough that won't go away. I had COVID like a month and a half ago. Yeah, everyone's doing this thing now. And then this cough won't go away.

How did COVID start for you? Jesus fucking Christ. How much shit is in your pockets? That's not even real. What? This isn't even real. You travel around. Just get a purse.

Ari, just get a purse. At this point, point what does it matter there's more shit in your right that's very good ladies and gentlemen welcome back to Whiskey Ginger my guest today one of my favorite people I know they say that for all my guests but I mean once again today it's a Ari Shaffir the king of putting too much shit in his pockets yeah that's better that's more than I considered that is absurd two different kinds of gum are those those headphones? A joke book? Yeah. Let's read this joke book for a second.

There's nothing in there. It's from January. There's the N-word in here like 70 times. Something's there. There's something there. No, there's something there. I got to tell you. Hey, so tell us.

Give us a quick update. Before we catch up as old friends, because I love you and I miss you, how is, or I guess what is, what's going on with Hamas? Well, I think there's one bar of soap in the whole region and there's this deep concern about who was there first to have it. Yeah. That's the fight. It's soap. When no one says this, neither of them want it. They just want to be offered it. That's right. That's kind of like, I don't want to go to your party, but I want to know that you wanted me there. I'm not going to show up. Like Pauly trying to run the connery store. Like, are you going to

order beer? He goes, oh, I don't know. Paul letting Paul... I wish they did turn the keys over just to Pauly. Let it be the strip club that it was meant to be. Yeah, fuck yeah. That place is all over the place. I'm bringing Sam back, bro. Kitty, Sam.

You're now... And nobody knows this, but you've left Los Angeles and now you've moved to Austin, Texas. People still think you're in, people think you're in New York, but you're not, right? You live in Austin. I just go sometimes. No, you're there all the time. I see you on the internet. You're there every week. I'm there.

You're there for every time Rogan wants you guys to black out. Yeah. Which is once a month. Which is every two and a half months. So it's every month. Yeah, every month or so. Yeah. I'm forgetting a lot of them.

It's so funny. My friend told me, like, you said something really dumb in that podcast last time. And he told me, like, no way. That was somebody else. I kind of remember Norman saying that. And then we made a bet. And it was like, damn, it's me. You don't remember what it was?

That an electric car can go zero to 60 in zero seconds. Brilliant. Honestly, genuinely brilliant. That is what that thing really does make. I've watched it very rarely because at some point you guys are just yelling at each other. Everyone's talking over each other the whole time. Three times an episode. It'll just be four people just...

And someone is saying something funny, and then someone else will be saying something kind of funny too, but you can't hear anything anyway. And then one person will just be setting up some other thing. Have you guys saved any parks? No. The one fucking that we tried to got turned into a rape hut. Really?

East River Park. Hundreds and hundreds of acres. They're fucking three rapes now. They're putting the thing under construction. It's on you, Carlita Rivera! Do they have a counter up there? Woman allegedly robbed a... Geez, while jogging in the East River Park. Yeah, it's under construction, so now

there's nothing really going on there. There's no lights, no nothing. That's gross, so you can't save any parks. You guys are doing all that hard work and saving nothing. The good thing I like about it is that you'd say Rogue is responsible for the spread of COVID. Rogan's responsible for this and this and trans fucking murders and shit. I'm like, you can't save a fucking swing set. Yeah, that's up.

Yeah. And you're responsible for all these major things. What's his answer to all that? He threw a $100 bill at me and ran out of the room. He's so rich. Dude, every time I was always on his show though you know if you're buddies with Joe he wants you to drink and get really high

and it's so hard because I'm like well I'm not going to be able to function at any level that's going to be entertaining to even me that's what Lewis does he brings out those dabs

it's over what happened the party's supposed to be after the show that's right do the show then party yeah like

who's that band kind of Russian hold on let me guess hold on joke guess no no no Do the show, then party. Yeah, like who's that band, kind of Russian? Hold on, let me guess. Hold on. Joke guess. No, no, no. I'm really trying to think. All you gave me was who's that band, kind of Russian, and I'm thinking it's got to have to do with the party thing.

It's not going to... We have someone testing music. I know. God, hold on, hold on. I'll give you one word. Yeah, give me one word. Not of the band name, but of the song name.

Okay. Purple. Purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, Russian band, purple. Fuck. Stop wearing purple, wearing purple. Who is that? I don't know.

Who's Stop Wearing Purple? Stop Wearing Purple, is that it? I don't know. I really don't remember the name of the band. Wait, naked? Almost naked? Go, go, Bordello. We just talked about them a week ago.

Dude, I love that. They get fucked up on stage. They get wrecked. Yeah, they get wrecked. He just does a whole bottle of liquor on stage. Everybody else, you can't do this show. Yeah, but I never understood how musicians were able... You know when they were like, if somebody was...

You know, like if Liam or Noel was ripped, but they would be like, it was one of the best performances you've ever seen. Yeah. How is that, that they can get that high? Do you surpass a certain level of high that you maybe have made it all the way back again to being... Ooh, sober. Yeah.

I think you just handle it. Yeah, but when you've gotten ripped before a show to do stand-up, you know it's not that good. I slur. Yeah, it's not good. It's fucked. Yeah, I don't like it. I get too mumbly, and then even if I get into a little bit of a groove, I lose it, and then I overthink about how I've lost it. When you get too high, for sure.

But high and drunk. I saw a show before, repeat jokes. Getting so drunk, just repeating jokes. And everyone's laughing and he's like I'm loving this and I'm like oh you have no idea

doing the same set well dude the last time before Hedberg died I saw him in Tempe when I was in college I don't know it was the last time

he had toured before he passed away in by us and I saw him and I remember being so bummed because I loved that guy and I wasn't really a

go-see comedy fan I loved comedy but I didn't want to like so wild though yeah I don't want to see it live you know I saw him I saw Geraldo maybe at the Tempe improv but he was fuck it was a bummer man why he was just so fucked up man and like I didn't even have the wherewithal we have as comedians to know what he was going through like I was just yeah why

at that time we were like you just like to party I guess we didn't know you were covering something up had no idea I just was like man fuck man he really ripped this one

for some reason maybe bummer that I picked Friday or whatever it was I was like maybe tomorrow would have been better but I didn't have money to go back but dude he didn't get he repeated a couple of jokes I didn't have money to go back. But dude, he repeated a couple of jokes and didn't get really anything done.

I heard in the DC Improv I went, I did a guest spot for him. Not for him, but for the DC Improv. Yeah. And they were coming in, and I was like, is Hedberg here?

And they used to put people across the street at the Mayflower, I think. And I was like, no, but the MC's about to go on. We still have the MC, me,

and the feature. Plenty of time. And they're like, is he here yet? And I'm like, the MC to go on. We still have the emcee, me, and the feature. Plenty of time. And they're like, is he here yet? I'm like, the emcee just went on. He's, like, a six-minute walk, four-minute walk. Yeah. Like, he'll be here. Like, he wasn't last time.

He just didn't come till Thursday on a Tuesday to Saturday show. And then another time he just, like, did it behind the curtain. He goes, you guys don't have to see me for these jokes. And just went behind the curtain and did, like, 30 minutes. I bet it killed still. Probably. Yeah, that's what's so fucked minutes. I bet it killed still. Probably. Yeah, that's what's so fucked up. I bet it killed.

Like, imagine if you tried to pull that stunt. You'd get five minutes of fun. Yeah. And then people would be pissed. Okay, come on out. Let's go. Come out. We do want to see you.

I actually paid money. Yeah. Well, I think what stand-up has done, unfortunately, because of the internet, people expect all of it, all the time, always, everything, at the highest level. There is no like... They're showing their fucking highlight reels. All these crowd work fucks are showing their highlight reels and everyone's like, well, that's everything, right?

Yeah, that's it. Imagine taking 17 three-pointers and showing the two you make and be like, I want to play in the NBA. Yeah. I got range. In the NBA, we'd be like, let's give him a try. Yeah. Well, he should probably be in ownership.

And then they see him eat shit live on Netflix. Yeah. Dude, that's what they should really do. It's so funny. Oh, you just did a good special? Let's do another one four months later. I'm sure that'll work out. Yeah. Netflix, give people time to write material.

Which is so funny because for a long time, they weren't giving anybody anything. And now they're like, here, here, here, here. I just saw this great YouTube special you did last week. Let's do another one. I just did it. Yeah special you did last week. Let's do another one. I just did it. Yeah, but do one more. Comedy Central always got me on those stories. They were like, this guy's got a good story.

I'm sure it'll be a good life story. He could do it. I'm like, well, yeah, but telling it is hard. Yeah. It takes time to figure out how to tell. They're like, nah, I'll be fine. No, they just wanted you to put it together. No, he told us last night at a meeting.

It'll be seamless. Wasn't he a heroin addict? He's probably got it. He's, he told us last night at a meeting. It'll be seamless. Wasn't he a heroin addict? He's probably got it. He's got it nailed down. How is New York without me and without everyone that you really love? When are you coming? Are you enjoying yourself? Whenever I feel like it, dude. I'll be there in a couple weeks, actually. I heard you're better than Nate at golf.

Nate Bargatze, you heard that, buddy? You hear that? You hear that, Nate? He knows it. No, you don't need to do that. Yeah, you don't need to do that. It doesn't matter. Yeah, he heard it. You want to go golf while you're here?

It's so funny because he used to talk about joining the senior tour. He was like, I can be in the senior tour. I can be in the senior tour. And then when he saw other comedians pass him, easily pass him, he stopped saying that. He was like, well, I just want to focus on playing with a Raptors play. Oh, well, also a good strategy. Yeah, I guess.

No, Nate is good at golf. He is good. I'm not saying I'm like leaps and bounds better than him. But I think I'm stronger than him now because he's busy selling out arenas. He's busy selling out arenas. Yeah, that's the problem. If you're too busy selling out arenas, you're not. And he's got children.

I'm a childless theater act. Okay? Oh, yeah. So I have time to play golf. Yeah. You know what I mean? Jerking off on lawns. Yeah, that's exactly right.

You ever fuck in a golf course? I fucked in a golf course in Hawaii once. No way. Yeah. Where? On the course? Yeah, in Maui. Give it.

It was a chick. I knew her already. It was a chick? You knew her already? Hole's a hole, bro. That doesn't matter. By the way, it was a chick. I knew her already. Both these things that doesn't matter by the way it was a chick i knew her already both these things are lies it was a canadian model so wait you convince this girl

you did no hotel no what is lahaina we're walking back you know where you pass black rock and you walk back towards i think like the hide or some whatever that was the hyatt yeah and you got to walk over that golf course and you were like let's let's fuck at the golf course. That's hot. She might have said that. On the green or on the fairway? Do you remember? On the green. In a bunker, huh? On the green.

And I regret this. This is the part I regret. I pissed in a hole. In one of the cups? Yeah, one of the cups. Because it probably killed the grass around it. I don't know, man. I pissed on golf courses thousands of times.

Not on the green, though. Not on the green, though. That's really disrespectful. It's disrespectful, yeah. But who cares? Yeah. And then we're like- It burned down anyway.

We'll be right back. It did burn down. That's terrible, dude. We got caught. Somebody was like, hey. We're like, oh. We're like, I just finished. I just pulled out.

Yeah. And we're like, don't pull up your pants because he'll know this motion. Yeah that's such an obvious But it's far away at night and it was like are you guys gotta go? Okay Just snuggling Yeah I got busted in college in a car but the cop was really cool about it

like it was like oddly cool What did he say? Get out of my car? He said get off my partner We got work to do I was like alright buddy i gotta pull out no it was in it was in uh in her car and she there was like if she had like a sweater probably some dude sweater some other guy's sweater and that was like our cover-up yeah and the cop pulled i mean like i kind of didn't we thought we were tucked away he tat tat tap on the window like a

flashlight and i was like uh and he was like get out. And I was like, uh. And he was like, get out of here. I was like, okay. That's all he did. And then walked away. I don't think he cared to engage with how annoying that would have been to bust two college kids fucking. It's like, what would be the payoff for him? My job is to get you out of here. I get it.

I'm not a fucking idiot. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. He was like, go. Get out of here. And then just like a dude would be halfway driving home I'm like do you still want to she's like get the fuck out but no right I also don't I don't want to I'm good I'm good

where this is outdoor fucking though seems great when you're young yeah then the older you get the more nightmarish it sounds like let's just gonna catch us I don't wanna I did it Sal the more nightmarish it sounds. It's like, someone's going to catch us. I don't want to. I did it at Sal's wedding. You fucked outside at Sal's wedding? In the woods behind the wedding there. Whoa. What are we talking, bridesmaid?

I don't believe so. No, she wouldn't have made the main party. Not a girl that went for you. No, that's- She's not even going to help. She had no plus one. Yeah. So what, you met this girl at the wedding.

You said, let's go into the woods? We just went into the woods. Did you guys go get high on a walk or something? Probably. That's usually the start of it. I'm just remembering, but she was holding a tree. Oh, that's rad. Yeah.

That's the image you remember is her hands on a tree. Yeah. That's either great sex or the beginning of a murder. In the woods, no less? Hold on to the tree. I mean, hold on to the tree. You saw nothing. You see nothing.

And then just life ends. Woods fucking is, see, I don't, that's a little. It's dirty, too. The worst is sand on sand. Dude, sand in general? Forget sex. Sand? I have no business going to the beach ever again.

A, look at this face. Oh, good point. B, sand is bullshit. Sand is bullshit. Bullshit. Tiny bullshit rocks. Wow. Sand is bullshit. It offers me nothing. When someone's like, feel the sand in your bullshit. Bullshit. Tiny bullshit rocks. Wow. Sand is bullshit.

It offers me nothing. When someone's like, feel the sand in your toes. No thanks. It doesn't even feel that good. Has it ever felt that good? Where you're like, man, that really feels good.

No, you know what feels... It's too hot. Yeah, it's way too hot. It's always... My thought is, especially here on the West Coast, on the worst beaches, is glass and shit.

You're becoming a Jew. Huh? You're becoming a Jew. Be? You're becoming a Jew. Becoming? Come on, dude. I've been snipped. No, but I just think about that every time I go to the beach. When we would take out, like we took our nieces up to Malibu,

and even as far north as you could get, you're like, this still sucks. Yeah. It sucks. The only time the beach is good is for people that surf. Surfing is cool. Tosh and Lachlan Patterson, all those comics that surf, that's because they go right into the water and surf. They don't stay on the beach.

They're not chilling on the beach. You should have a pathway where there's no sand. Oh my God, I'd love this. Build a concrete pathway. Concrete or rubber, something that takes heat out. Who the fuck is that? Is that those fucking production companies? Yep.

Dude, I haven't been to LA so long. There's so many people taking meetings for dumb fucking reality shows. Yeah, it's never gonna work, is it? Ugh, no. They need another strike. Wait, so we got this idea. A heat-resistant path straight into the water. Pathway to surf, yeah. Well, they have this, right? I've seen guys

jump off of those walkouts made of rock. But, does this fuck with the waves you mean does it stop the waves no it breaks it breaks wait wait did you think that it was creating less waves if you jump into it no hold on does the rock wall break up the waves no does you're jumping what you're saying is you're jumping under the waves stops the waves from hitting everyone else the big, the big splash. Interesting.

How about this? Side note. You're at a pool party. People are in the pool. Not everybody. You know how it always goes. 10% are there in the pool. The rest is... You're a dick if you go in the pool. You're not going in? No.

You're self-centered. You want to be part of it. No, no. Pool party or just a party at someone's house, there is a pool. That's different. But are you ever getting in or you're rarely getting in unless it's a very private, small occasion? Yeah, six people. Then yes. Yeah, then all I go is swim.

How many people is too many people in the net? If we could all be in the pool, then you can go in and out, whatever you feel like. Right. If almost everybody's in, it doesn't matter. Yeah. 10 people or less is a big giant pool right yeah how many people is too many people in the hot tub if you if you if you touch anyone it's too many people touching is too much if you touch a leg to a leg but what if you're looking at what if there's a babe in there and you're like it already is crowded but she's like already get in here What if there's a babe in there and you're like, it already is crowded, but she's like, Ari, get in here.

I'm going in. You are, but you're annoyed. I'm annoyed. It's like, come on. It's like in college, girls just go like, let's go dancing. I'm like, oh, actually, I'm busy that day. I said it was free. Let's have a next week. Why don't we just go listen to a band and we'll watch a performance.

And not dance. And not dance. And not dance. Why is there pressure on me? You can go dancing with your gay friends. And then with your guy who wants to fuck you. Yeah. I'm not black or gay.

Why would I dance? You sure? I'm not black or gay should be the name of your next album. I've already got one. I'm not black or gay. Sherrod already gave me one. What is it? Sherrod gave me one.

Too Many Blacks. Too Many Blacks. Yeah. And then the back cover, I don't know about the front cover, the back cover is me. Oh, no. The front cover is me with a bunch of black people behind me just going. And the back cover is how many blacks is too many?

Q, how many blacks is too many? A, one. One. Who gave you this? Sherrod. That's really good. Sherrod would have to executive produce the album. Give him some licensing.

He'd have to. Yeah. Sherrod presents. Like executive produce the album give him some licensing he'd have to Sherrod presents like the old school rap days yeah too many blacks and before every comedy track he's gotta be like Sherrod production

production it has to loop like a rap song like Wiz Khalifa or whatever his name is DJ Khaled yeah yeah yeah what's DJ Khaled

Sherrod we the best yeah yeah yeah Khaled too many blacks blacks blacks that's a great name for an album dude Too many blacks Blacks That's a great name for an album dude Too many blacks

Is this a real thing with the Blantons? Yeah with little horsies You collect them if you're a real nerd And then each of the letters are spelled out on top of their B-L-A-N-T-O-N-S Oh really? Blantons is spelled out And there's seven different ones? Or whatever there is?

Well each of those tops comes with a different letter. You have to gamble and keep buying them to find out if you're going to actually spell the letters. But the tops look different. No, they're all... I mean, different time periods, they kind of are different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're different. But this and this are the same.

They're pretty close. It's not every single one is the same. Are the letters the same? Read the little letters on them. There's little tiny letters by the horsey. By the horsey. Yeah, by the horsey. See, by the leg.

Okay. What is that one? R. R. P. P. It's probably a B by the horsey. See, by the leg. What is that one? R. P. It's probably a B. A. Yeah. Oh, B, B. These two are the same, or they're both Bs? And that's why. So they are the same, with the same letter.

But they're all uniquely different, and that is a little nerdy collector's thing. And what is it for? Nothing. Nothing. Just to drink more. But trinkets do help you. This is the only reason I think they've designed liquor bottles in weird, interesting ways, is to trick you to like trinkets do help you. This is the only reason I think they've designed liquor bottles in like weird,

interesting ways is to trick you to like really feel something else about it. Oh, that's got a net on it. Oh, neat. Oh, it's like smart. Because what would be the reasoning for any of that?

Nothing. Like truth be told, I imagine in Prohibition days, somebody figured that out because they were like bottling and saying, because booze was just all around. Yeah, they just like

put it in whatever's left over. One dude was like like I want my bottle to look a certain kind of way because like Jack Daniels owns the rights to that bottle and nobody bottles in that bottle Jack Daniels they own that type of bottle back that that's squarish glass because look you can look at all these other ones there some they're close but a lot of these guys use the same bottles or the same bottling companies. And so it's too similar. That's why these guys are really different.

Scotches are always round. Scotches typically round. Yeah, you don't find it. Scotch doesn't really come in weird. There's penis whiskey glasses now or guns. Fuck off. Fuck off. Yeah, it's too much.

That means you're like a gimmick. That's too much, right. Yeah. You're going too far. The shit inside there is not going to be good. It's going to be terrible because you're just selling the outside. Although that's funny. That's Louis.

That's Louis, right. With a real clock. That's got to be some of the fanciest shit in the world. Aunt Jemima really started this whole revolution, didn't she? Aunt Jemima did it. She started it. When was Aunt Jemima's... When was her heyday?

When was her... Yeah, when did her sister first give birth? When was Aunt Jemima really put into their 66 oh but that's way too late i thought it was way long ago she got canceled pretty recently she did get canceled it's pretty sad the pancake mixes from the 1800s right the syrup itself i think they were using her bottle for a long time without yeah without her consent yeah I want a residual. I don't think so, Jemima. Strike then, Jemima. Strike.

We'll get Uncle Ben fucking in here right now to replace you. They did really... They canceled her. It's too racist. Yeah, they said it was way too racist. But, I mean, I don't really care.

Well, if the bottle was white, would it not be racist? If it was like Aunt Carol? With like thin lips and like... Yeah, if the bottle was white, would it not be racist? If it was like Aunt Carol? With like thin lips and like... Yeah, if it was a white bottle. Thin lips and a tiny nose and fucking straight stringy hair and no style.

John Huck used to say... What was that one? There was a comic that always said, like, when you go back to Chicago, he's like, say hi to your Aunt Kathy for me, because everyone has an Aunt Kathy, and I do as well. It's so funny. It's like, Kathy is the typical aunt. Say hi to your Aunt Kathy for me. Who's your aunts? Give me your aunts. Ruth.

Barbara. Barbara. 100%. I knew there was a Barbara in there. I have Tantas. Tantasara. Tantalili. Those are the you-know-whats. Those are the you-know-whats, yeah. Yeah, let's not talk about them. Yeah.

Tantalili, Tatasari. Yeah, let's not talk about them. Yeah. Tata Lily, Tata Sari. Yeah, more or less. Sari. Sara. But Sara. Oh, Sara like Sarah. Yeah, like Sarah. But why did you guys do that? Well, we did it first.

Did you? Yeah, we did. I guess. It predates English. Okay, dude. Says who? Pick up a book, man. I don't know the story.

That's what Hamas is fighting over. The Ethiopian Bible is older than the King James Bible. Yeah, but it's written on that paper that you have to slop up fucking food with. Do you have silverware? We have a Bible. Imagine they would rip pages of the Bible

just to eat. Yeah, just like, you ever smoke out of the back of the Bible? A hundred percent. Dude, that's like the first thing we did in high school. It was like, what if we smoke a Bible page to eat? Yeah. Yeah, just like, you ever smoke out of the back of the Bible? A hundred percent. Dude, that's like the first thing we did in high school was like, what if we smoke a Bible page, dude? It seems so wrong, but it's just a printed thing. Yeah.

You're just making more Bibles get printed. Right. But it is funny to think all those things you think are wrong, that you're like, ooh, that's bad, that's naughty. The real wrong thing was smoking out of a pop can because you were getting brain damage. Like, that was actually stupid and wrong. Uncoated or take out the coating of aluminum. Dude, I remember the first time I smoked weed behind a tennis court, right?

Yeah. And pop cans all we had. Apple was like shortly thereafter, but everyone had heard, dude, pop cans, so easy. Get a pop can, we're good to go. It's so funny. It's like so easy. Or you can get a $4 pipe. I know.

Just get a shitty tiny one here. But we were just so's so easy. Or you can get a $4 pipe. I know. Just get a shitty tiny one-hitter pipe. But we were just so afraid that it was like, if we get caught with a pipe- Oh, you're fucked. We'll go to prison. With a pop can, it's like throw it in the bushes where that guy's fucking that girl behind that wedding. You want to get raped in prison for a decade? Or you want to just use your dad's extra pop? Isn't that funny?

That's what we thought. I was like, you just smoked pot, dude? You're going to go to prison for a thousand years. And it used to feel that way. If we get caught, they're going to ruin our entire futures. It was so cool and illegal,

and now it's so fucking lame and illegal. It's so lame, dude. It's so stupid. It's so lame. Like when... You want to smoke pot? Like, no.

Get away from me. I'm not touching your lips to that thing. We're not doing drugs, dude. Dude. Give me a fucking needle. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp.

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squarespace.com slash whiskey is going to save you 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain yeah you know who's really lost that luster? I watched an interview with Willie Nelson. And it was, again, it's always like an older white guy that's like, you're just going to keep toking until the good Lord takes you, huh? And he's like, well, that's what I propose. And it turns me off to weed so much. It's almost like my dad being like, isn off to weed so much. It's like this.

It's almost like my dad being like, isn't this rad? And you're like, no. No. I saw fucking Booze Willie Nelson, whatever his name is. Who? Booze Willie Nelson. Who's Booze Willie Nelson? Willie Nelson for alcohol.

Oh, Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett. Rest in peace. He's gone. Rest in peace. Yeah, I saw him in P. West, Florida. You did? Yeah, it was pretty great.

But it's very quaint. But every song was like, so we were in Tallahassee about 10 years ago. The song's about that. We were getting pretty tuned up on some beers. We're getting tuned up, dude. And I was like, yeah. And it was like, dude, this isn't badass anymore. You're just a drinker.

Yeah, you're just drinking. He's wearing his dumb shorts with his dumb fucking flabby, veiny legs. Did he have gout? He just wasn't. He wasn't rocking it. He wasn't dancing to this. He was just there. Just sitting and strumming? Probably three or four generations of people watching him.

Jimmy Buffett is one of those guys that got away with the best. Probably two hit songs. The rest is all fluff Wasted Away again and Margaritaville and what's the other one I really don't know Cheeseburgers in Paradise

that's him yeah that's him can you imagine if it was somebody else and then there's probably there's probably three more no those are the only two

I've even recognized Jimmy Buffett Come Monday Night 5 o'clock somewhere was him 5 o'clock somewhere Alan Jackson Alan Jackson's a country music singer

Alan Jackson really made that song well Jimmy Buffett's really kind of coasting on Alan Jackson's talent. Okay, zoom into that. Okay, so it's Margaritaville, yeah. Trip Around the Sun, Bama Breeze. Fuck off, fuck off. Changes in Latitudes, Volcano, A Pirate. Changes in Latitudes, you have to be a fan to know that.

I know none of this shit. I went to Paris, fuck off. Oldest surf on the beach, fuck off. Why don't we get drunk, fuck off. Is this the greatest hits or just every song he ever wrote? No, that's some of his top shit. I asked Dan because Dan Soder's dad was, that's when he was cool, was a big Buffet head.

Really? He drank himself. He was like, I'm just going to drink until I die. And did. Achieved. And he called his special, Soder called his special, Son of a Gary. Yeah.

And then I heard Buffet. I went to see him and it was like, I think he had a song called Son of a Sailor Man or something like that. Son of a... I was like, did you name the title of your special after that? He goes, damn, that would have been smart. No, it's coincidence. But it worked. Who gives a shit? Yeah. That is cool. That is pretty... Yeah, his dad... Did his dad

die of alcohol poisoning? He died drinking by a lake. That's so cool. Why is that bad? It's so cool. That's the way to go. That's the way to go. Right, not dying. Cheeseburger in Paris

is number five. Fuck off. Dying in a hospital is so sad to me. Dying in a hot tub where you're getting a dick sucked by some chick

who's drowning. Yes. Yes. Okay, that's honestly, okay, if they tell you you're in the hospital, you're going to die. Okay. Where are you going to die?

Like a deer that goes, you know, like an animal that goes to die in the woods. Yeah. Where do you go to die? If they're like, listen, Ari, you got a day left. A day. Okay. That's what I need to know. One day and you're out.

But we don't want you to die here because I know that you're, you can walk, but you're going to die. Can I get somewhere instantly? Or do I have to get there? You got it. You would have to get there, unfortunately. So I couldn't go to Antarctica? Sadly, no.

I think just shut up. Give me some no. I'm a doctor, dude. I'm the doctor. I think just the nearest woods. Just the woods? Just the nearest woods. Or like hanging.

Remember that movie where they start. Oh, damn it. It's Alien vs. Predators, but the beginning of it, where the guy that cut himself and fell into the waterfall. It's that movie where they start, ah, damn it, it's Alien vs. Predators, but the beginning of it, where they, the guy that cut himself and fell into the waterfall. What is that? What is that? Is that Alien vs. Predators?

No, it's in that world. Oh, right, right, right. And he starts off a new planet, and it's got the oil, so when they discover it later, it'll be all tacky. So that's you. Andromeda or something like that.

No, so I'm going to do that over an overpass, a bridge. Stay there, like all kind of tacky. So that's you. Andromeda or something like that. No. So I'm going to do that over an overpass, a bridge. Stay there and when I die, boom. Right on a car. Yeah. It just ruined people's day. Ruined them. But do it right in the middle of rush hour. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's got to be in rush hour. I got a day, so it's like, yeah.

Yeah, it's got to be at the end of the day. I want to be on a boat. Mm-hmm. How do you get to a boat? LA, you got a chance. We got a boat here. You're in New York. i want to be on a boat go how do you get to a boat well you got a chance we got a boat here you're in new york you go get on a boat good go get on a boat with somebody pay them all the money you can to be like i want to throw a rager get everyone you know invite the world call everyone on your phone get them on the boat let's go out to the ocean let's party until i die when i do kaboom throw me over throw me over keep partying yeah keep fucking partying here's the money. Yeah.

Have fun. What am I? I don't want to be buried here, because when I pass a cemetery, I think, that's not where they want to be, right next to the fucking expressway. You also could be a golf course. What a waste. Could have been a golf course. Yeah. Yeah, and they should build golf courses on cemeteries, too.

Yeah. Leave the headstones, though. Go over. Yeah, make it another obstacle. Yeah. That's how I feel. Yeah, you can go down to the cemetery. Right,. Go over. Yeah, make it another obstacle. Yeah. That's how I feel. Yeah, you can go, like, down to the cemetery. Right, right, right.

Yeah. I think I want to party at sea and let me go. That's not bad. And have everyone keep partying. I have thought about that. Like, what do you want people to say? What's the mood at your, like, wake or memorial? Rage.

Rage. Have the most fun. Party one more time on it. This should be a reminder that you're going to be dead, so fucking get it over with and have a good time. Every time I go to a funeral, every time, I'm always just so bummed that I went. I know that sounds crazy, but I wish I didn't go. I was already sad.

Then I saw you and got more sad? Fuck that. I was already bummed. I had plans when Brody died, Brody Stevens. Yeah. Hung himself Found swinging Yeah From a Quietly by himself

In his house In his house Yeah Anyway So they had a Funeral for him A memorial At the comedy store

And me and Paul Morrissey Were going to watch Preseason baseball In Tampa And we were like Brody would have wanted this 100% would have wanted that Yeah

Yeah that is exactly What he would have wanted Yeah Go watch baseball Yes Ari No show He would have loved it dude Yeah it's like You know that That is exactly what he would want. Yeah. Go watch baseball. Yes. Ari, no show. He would have loved it, dude.

Yeah. It's like, you know that- Zach was there. Where were you? Where were you? Five minutes. Came and went. You know what's so funny?

Brody had the same cadence jumping sometimes that Trump does. It's almost Trumpian. You know how Trump is like, da, da,da, da-da-da-da-da. It's like all over. Brody had that. Really high, low, ins and outs. He did that same thing. Yeah, high, low.

How cool would you have to be to have an I-A-N at the end of your name to have like a vibe? There's no Santinian. No. Andrinian? No. No, there's not. There's Trumpian. There's Trumpian.

He's so interesting. Hate him, love him or hate him. He's interesting. He's larger than life. Yeah. I mean, and I see him every time at all these UFC events online. I wonder if he even likes UFC. Does he even like UFC?

Nah. Or is he just there because the commissioner supports him? Yeah. I feel like that's definitely what it's got to be. Yeah. There's no chance he's enjoying his money. He's not like, yeah! Nah.

But also, that's not his thing. It's not his thing. His thing is finding out making money. I would've won. I would've done it better. I would've won. I would've won. I would've beat one of the blacks. Single egg. Should've single egg. And too many blacks, by the way. Ari Shaffir, new album, out soon.

Too many blacks. Yeah, there's no way he likes it. I just don't believe... I don't believe... Well, what does Trump like? What does he like? Other than money? Yeah I can't see Making money sometimes is everything Like I found that

Like every comic we know? Well you know how we tout like we really kind of suck the dick of fucking Warren Buffet You know like everyone's like Oh he's in a kind Yeah great

He is incredible But the more you like look into this guy's life to like he's humble and simple and sweet He's into wrestling He's obsessed with money. He loves money, which is kind of lame.

Oh, yeah, Trump did WWE. I forgot about that. And he was in Home Alone 2, the movie that got Macaulay Culkin raped by Michael Jackson. Yeah, that was Trump's fault. Yeah, I forgot Trump was into wrestling. Oh, no. He shaved Vince McMahon's head. Oh, wow.

Dude, if that guy wasn't the president, which he wasn't there, everybody would still love him. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, because back then he was so much fun. Look how upset he was about the hair going. Fucking Vince. I don't know why he'd let him shave his head, though. And he's pretending that he can't move.

I like how he's trying to shake it. No, don't. Well, it's happening now, Vince. You can stop complaining. You can just be like, all right, just do it. Stone Cold will hold you back while your head gets shaved. You're a real stupid son of a bitch. I was like Stone Cold.

I never got into wrestling that much, but I liked certain guys. I really liked characters. There were certain guys who were better. There were certain guys who were too clean for me, like The Rock. Too clean. Couldn't handle it. It was like, yeah, you're just big. Yeah, very big.

Hulk Hogan, it's like, yeah, when you're just big yeah very Hulk Hogan it's like yeah when you're seven these these guys are good but you liked him after all the scandals camp that made him more likable it did make him more likable dropping the n-word and doing sex tapes to have a little bit of vibe to him yeah he had some juice yeah yeah old man trading wives yeah what there was something interesting about you, wow, this guy's kind of rad. Can I fuck your wife? But yeah, go ahead. Imagine he goes to fuck your wife.

He just rips his shirt. And your wife's like, dude, come on. Cut it out. Use us as a comrade. I'm going to wipe you up, brother. Brother. I'm done, brother. Get in there.

Actually, an orgy. If you're at an orgy, you're in an orgy, right? Next week, you go to an orgy. I can do this, yeah. I can put myself in this place. What massive celebrity would walk in that would, A, piss you off, and then who's the other one that would get you very excited to be a part of an orgy with them? Okay, I already know the second one, but let me see. Who would piss me off?

Who would piss you off? The celebrity walks in and you're like, fuck, I don't want to be in the orgy with this guy. Or girl. I think a bigger comic would be like, ugh. A more famous comic. Like, Chappelle came in and was like, there goes me. Great. It was going to be like, you're one of my favorites. No,

no one's going to say it anymore. What comic would walk in that you'd be like, this is not intimidating. That's fine. Oh, yeah. Ooh, let me think. Like, if it's above you, it would make you mad. Yeah, Bobby would steal focus. Yeah. Bobby would steal focus.

I'm trying to think. Bobby Kelly? No, Bobby Lee. Oh, I was like, Bobby Kelly would not steal focus. No, Bobby Kelly would be like, all right, come on, let's get out of here. Let's go smoke a cigar. Yeah.

Shut up, dude. I'm fucking a lot of people. We already fucked, dude. You fucked once. Let's go. Yeah, Bobby Lee would steal so much focus he would be probably the worst to have walking in orgy stop dude i'm trying to keep it hard on stop stop with the gay shit literally not now any other time the gay so many fingers in

your ass all right who else who would walk in you'd be excited that you're like oh yeah ken griffey jr, what a good one. God, I would love that. The king of swing. Yeah, so smooth, so sweet. And a lefty, no less, so you know he's got another level of rhythm. Yeah. Something about a lefty, I know they fuck well.

Yeah, and he wouldn't, yeah. Wow, he's old there. No, he's still a good-looking cat, though. Oh, yeah. 54, he's not that bad. He's 54. Yeah, how old are you? Almost 50. Yeah, you're 49. I thought you were 47. Yeah, but I mean. 54 he's not that bad he's 54 yeah how old are you almost 50

yeah you're 49 I thought you were I thought you were 47 yeah but I mean he's such a cool dude he wouldn't fuck up the rhythm the vibe would be good he wouldn't fuck up the rhythm

his stroke that way would be so cool such a good stroke and he'd pull out and he'd just walk you know what I mean he would just be like he'd come and be like

and he wouldn't make a big thing he'd just go and walk away and walk away real smooth You know what I mean? He would just be like, he'd come and be like, and he wouldn't make a big thing of it, he'd just go. And walk away. And walk away real smooth. Real smooth. I'm trying to think,

who would make me, piss me off is a good one, that probably a, Why is that guy here? A bigger comic would fucking. Yeah. Or even somebody's gonna want to talk to you that you don't really want to talk to. Somebody you haven't seen in a long time.

Somebody you want to catch up, now's not the time. Yeah, but I've seen you in so long. Who I decently like, but I just wouldn't, like if Ben Glebe walked in,

I'd be like, dude, not now. I haven't seen you in years. I haven't seen you at the improv. No, come on, ever since you moved

to New York, I haven't seen you in so long. Just let me fuck, let's chat while you fuck. Let's fucking chat. Did I ever tell you that story about that?

People that don't know Ben, that's a comic. What? Before I knew Ben Glebe, I got his phone number let's fucking jet. Do you ever tell you that story about that? People that don't know Ben, that's a comic. What? Uh, before I knew Ben Glebe, I got his phone number from Jade Kata Preda. We were at the comedy store one night and I didn't really know him well.

We had met maybe, but one night I was impersonating him and somebody was like, dude, that sounds just like him. Does. And I was like, give me, give me his phone number.

And Jade was like, why? And so I called his phone and I would leave him voicemails of him from the future. And I did it a bunch until he caught on to it. But I'm like it's you it's me it's you listen there's laundry still in the dryer it's wet don't leave it in there it'll wrinkle immediately there's no chance it won't wrinkle i gotta go bye and i would do this fucking all the time we get drunk in the store number yeah and then finally he he put it together that it was me he's like a very funny man actually very very funny but i can tell i pissed him the fuck off

because I would do it because I would do it behind the store in the parking lot we'd be all fucking high you know I love when you hear somebody's

hearing a pressure of them and they go everyone's laughing like that's actually not that close to me you're so mad about it it sounds exactly like you dude

no you're missing the essence they got you they got you hard it's pretty right on the money you know who I'd be excited to walk into the room? Who? What celebrity would be high top for me?

Would be nice. Yeah, I'd be pretty amped about it. Who? Bronson Pinchot. Interesting. Are you talking about then? I don't know what he looks like now, but just Bronson Pinchot in his heyday,

Beverly Hills Cop, Bronson Pinchot. Look at that guy. That would be cool. Look at that guy. That would be cool. Look at that guy. Here's why. Whoa, that's now. There he looks like he's wearing a mask of himself. How the fuck did that happen?

Hey, chill out. I want to have him on this show. No, you know what the funny thing, for people that don't know, he played Sales in Beverly Hills Cop. He was also Balky in Perfect Strangers. Balky. This is predating people that are under fucking 30. I mean, this show came out

when I was like, like in my zeros. Perfect Strangers was my favorite sitcom. For a little bit? I fucking loved it. I thought it was one of the funniest.

But anyway, go back. Wow, look at that fucking IMDB. Go back to his photo. This guy was such a versatile actor though. Truly like one of these character actors.

Did he even have an accent? Bronson Pinchot? Yeah. French, right? Or did he just do this for the, because he didn't have an accent in Beverlyonson Pinchot? Yeah. In French, right? Or did he just do this for the... Because he didn't have an accent in Beverly Hills Cop. But in Perfect Strangers...

Yeah, no, in Beverly Hills Cop, he talked like this. Oh, really? Yeah, he was sales. Yes, I'm serious. Can I tell you what his real name is? Huh? Bronson Pinchot. Pinchot.

It's not Pinchot? No. Fuck me. Yeah, no, he called it Pinchot to make himself seem better. Well, it worked. An American actor. That's like Stephen Colbert, right? What do they say his real name is? me yeah no he's he called it pincho to make himself seem better well it worked an american actor that's like steven steven colbert right what do they say his real name is what's steven colbert's real name colbert colbert right it's not colbert it's the same same either

one no no it is he did he got approached about it one time really yeah and he like talked about it on a show and i can't remember who it's like tarjay yeah who tried to go what's his name try to call him out who's the big conservative voice bill o'reilly bill o'reilly was like it's it's not colbert it's colbert and he was like yeah my father i don't i don't even know what the story behind it but he had changed it right i love those like hey that's not a gotcha moment it's just uh nobody gives a couple generations ago they just changed nobody gives a shit yeah no but bronson pincho if he walked in the reason that i like this guy so much yeah because here's the deal. I bet my bank account back then, fuck machine.

Probably a fuck machine. You're probably right. You could learn from him. Yeah, because look, he's not the most handsome guy, but he's not unattractive. He's kind of this unique, weird, fun, quirky. What a nose. Yeah, super good schnoz. Yeah, quirky.

Share a couple nose beers with that guy and then get to work. And I'm telling you, he's going to teach you some stuff that you don't know. Just because I feel like he's got that... You think he eats ass? He does. But you know what the problem is? He loves wine coolers. He brought wine coolers to the orgy and people were like, Bronson, there's no need

for it. This is a fucking mansion. This is a mansion, dude. Bronson eats ass. 100% is a big ass boy. Oh, he looks skinny there. See, he lost all the weight. Now he looks like a Nazi a little bit. Yeah, he does. Looks a little Third Reich-y there. My name is

Extermination Mershon. But with a French twang at the end. What happened to his co-star? That's a cool guy. See, that's what I mean. He kind of had that long haired, cool... In Perfect Strangers, what was that guy's name? I don't really remember his name. I'll keep on talking. started but that's a cool guy see that's what i mean he kind of had that long-haired cool uh in in perfect strangers what was that guy's name i don't really remember his name i'll keep our talking no no his the partner god we're going back to a place that nobody gives a shit about

he's up there yeah you were just there you're just mark lynn baker wow he aged like fucking he looks like uh who does he look like a scientist no no any kind. No, no, no, no, no. He's in a, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. He's one of them. Oh, yeah, yeah, he does. One of them. He does, dude. That's so good.

But this is how you want to age. Yeah, that's how I want to be. But you are. You did it. No, but I want gray hair. I want long, longer than this. I'm just starting to get the ponytail. Yeah, that's pretty rad. That ponytail's cool.

Gray, nothing, but gray. Ponytail down to here. Yeah, all gray. Like his mustache. Gray beard. And like, yeah. And just piss it in public. There's something interesting. Keep your hat off for a second. There's something so interesting about like, there's so much hair

right there. Where? Right here on the top, on your crest, on your moon crest there. Yeah. It's thick, so you can almost style this any way, and then no one knows what's going on in the back at all. Which is a lot of nothing, but still. Yeah, but down below, it's incredible. Yeah, here it's got stuff. When I met you, you had a full head of hair and barely a beard.

Yeah. Barely a beard. Is this beard forever now? No, I'm going to let it go for a year. I feel like the beard is keeping you sick. Maybe. I think the cough is kept in there. Maybe.

You want to get rid of the cough, you got to shave the fucking beard, dude. You had COVID again? Yeah. It was bad. This one was a bad one. This one was like shaking and like in the bed. Everyone's been getting the second weird. But it was like a while ago.

Just this last, it's like, I think it's like, what's it when you're inflamed in the throat? Your pharyngeal laryngitis. That is what I was going to say. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. Pharyngeal laryngitis. No, you know what I think? I think the COVID, the second round of COVID thing.

Yeah. Is forever. Is forever. I definitely mean it. The first time, I think they didn't think it was, and then now I'm like, oh, this is... You know the long haul thing? I think this is the real one. Yeah.

You know Ryan Sickler can't smell still. What? Still. What? Dude, it's years. He can't smell? Dude, I had pizza with him a year ago. Yeah.

We went out to dinner, and he was like, I still can't. I was like pizza with him a year ago yeah we went out to dinner and he was like i still can't i was like wait a minute what and the one thing he said that freaked him out yeah was that he had his daughter sleeping at his house yeah and she woke him up because there was a smell of smoke next door outside and he didn't smell it you know where he should go anywhere in time you're ryan sickler where do you go anywhere any place in time anywhere any place in time yeah uh i mean so many easy jokes here but i really don't know where you're going city right next to yeah just be in the city yeah that's what i was gonna say the holocaust for sure yeah yeah no smell but like i didn't know how would i know the smell of dirt bed dead bodies? Oh, right.

So I'm for the future, and we actually had this COVID thing. We lose our... It was weird. They shut down businesses, but the main thing is, I can't smell dead bodies. Anyway, I gotta get back to work. They're like, so do we. Dude, at

Burbank Airport, they have a huge billboard still for visiting Auschwitz. Have you ever seen this? Have you ever been to Burbank? Yeah, I landed there this time. Wait, billboard for visiting Auschwitz? Which flight did you take? The JetBlue flight.

You did. You took the one. There's only one. Isn't that great? Yeah. Burbank Airport, look up the billboard for Auschwitz. In the United Terminal, the second one, the B you're boarding a plane and there's a huge one that's like, never forget

whatever it says, it's not never forget head to Auschwitz, like we got one way flights they don't even get there you can't even fly to Auschwitz from Burbank that's the worst part yeah, it's an LAX yeah, you gotta go down to LAX if you really wanna go well it's LAX, you can just go

I know you can't get there from here, but don't forget Auschwitz. Not long ago. Not far away. Pretty far, though. Really far away. Yeah. Like, almost the furthest.

It's so far away. It's eight hours. Oh, no. From here. From here, it's a nightmare. It's forever. It's like 11 or 12 hours. Yeah.

It's way too much. What's the travel time? Look at travel time. Burbank to Auschwitz. Because you'll probably have to fly to LAX or take a connector. How many times do I have to stop if I need to go to Auschwitz. Because you'll probably have to fly to LAX or take a connector. How many times do I have to stop if I need to go to Auschwitz? Imagine asking that to a desk agent. Do I have to stop to get to Auschwitz?

How many layovers? I know there's going to be at least one more layover, but how many? How long? 16 hours and 30 minutes if we could fly direct from Burbank to Auschwitz. That's a direct or is that stopping? Krakow, Poland. You can to Krakow. No, you can't.

Connecting where? Yeah, you're connecting somewhere. Connecting where? Yeah, that's United, Delta, and one more airline. You're stopping three times. Now, also, just so you know, on WOW or Icelandic Air, you can do a free layover for as long as you want in Iceland on your way or way back from Auschwitz. Not true.

Yeah. You really can.itz. Not true. Yeah. You really can. From anywhere. Okay. Yeah. Not just from Auschwitz. But they say like, hey, if you don't want to just stop for an hour, you can extend it to like six days for free.

That's pretty rad. And stay in Iceland. Wow. Yeah. It's actually- How many times have you been to Iceland? Three maybe. I only went once.

I'm almost going to go back maybe. Reykjavik. Reykjavik, yeah. The Reykjavik, yeah. The Reykjavik is great. The Reyk. But the only problem is I went in the summer, so it never got dark. That's great. Nah, fuck.

Summer's the time to be there. Dude, that fucked me up. Oh, no. I fucked me up. My travel schedule was weird anyway, and I couldn't go to bed. And I had to work. That was it. It wasn't for party.

I had to go interview the mountain from Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah, right and it was just i was like fuck dude i'm on no sleep already and i was already flying from la to new york then new york to there so i was just doing plane nod offs yeah and then when i got there to interview him that very next morning and i maybe had three hours of sleep i fucking hated it but interview with skylar diggs skylar diggs yeah that's funny that was during that how do you hire Just like, I need someone who's good on Google? He is very good on Google. Yeah, he's right there with it always. Go all the way down.

That was the picture right there. Anyway, look that up. That's it. The mountain teaching you how to throw kegs. And how did you do it? You drank it first. He looks like he's wearing a fucking fake suit under his sweater. Dude, I got to tell you, that guy, he's so fucking badass.

Really? Like scary though. We ate lunch with this fucking guy. How much did he eat? I'm not kidding. So at the gym. So he's like, I. Really? Like scary though. We ate lunch with this fucking guy. How much did he eat? I'm not kidding. So at the gym. So he's like, he's like,

I'll do an interview at gym. So we go to the gym and he's like, I have to eat again. Fucking word. In the middle of our, it was a character, this Russian character I played.

Isn't that rad? Yeah. So in the middle of our, in the middle of our interview, he's like, I'll do eat. And so we go into the, there was a cafe in the gym

and he had you know i couldn't even do this without hyperbolizing but it looked like 10 chicken breasts 10 chicken breasts two bowls of vegetables what rice what yeah dude so he's he's eating all this food and then when he's done he goes okay to work out and i said okay i'm thinking we're going that's a gym behind us we're outside of a gym those are like his this is his playpen it's like a rocks and that that dumbbell right there yeah i tried to pick it up it's like 250 pounds or something like that it's comical and then so i think we're going back to this gym no we're getting in a production van going to his private gym because he starts his day there then he goes to his private gym with all of his friends and it was in a pretty fucking you know right if right? If it's not that sketch, but pretty sketch for, I was like,

this is a little fucking off the beaten path. It was in the basement of what would be like a seven 11, like our seven 11s. It was like a convenience store in the back of the basement. And there's these huge signs. It says, uh, uh, uh, no Armin Yarr, Armin Yarr with big crosses means no pussies basically armeniar no armeniar or some shit like that

and so I'm like oh who are these guys working out and one of his buddies was like mostly ex-criminals and I was like really

he's like he likes to train with people that trained in prison wow because that's the kind of work he does yeah because they're the best

I don't even know how you spell armeniar you're never gonna get pussy out of that dude you're they're the best. I don't even know how you spell armenjar. You're never going to get pussy out of that, dude. You're never going to get pussy. Yeah. I don't even know how to... A-R-menjar. Armenjar.

I don't know how to say that. No, not kisa. Kisa is a great word. Is that Icelandic for pussy? Kisa. But is that like a cat? Yeah, it's got to be a cat. Yeah.

Kisa. Kisa. If you use something in another language and they go, that doesn't mean that here. Cat is kotor. Kotor. Kotor. I do want to go back. It's so fun.

It's such a cool place. Have you ever been to the north? Have you ever been to anywhere else? Just Reykjavik. No, we went, well, we went out to where the hot springs were. Yeah. And then we went down south. We never went up north.

No. What's up north? It's like this land that looks like Mars just bubbling mud always. That's cool. Yeah. The geysers there,

the geyser. Oh, the geyser. Yeah, the geyser. It's constantly just spurting out shit. How many people die a year at the geyser in Iceland, do you think?

Go too close? Yeah. That's got to happen. There's no way that doesn't. Every time I go to a vacation spot and I think, how many people have died? How many tourists

have fucking died here? There's a place called Takeout Beach there. Yeah. It's just, these waves come in, it's black sand, and they come in

further than you think. And the Chinese, they want their pictures, so they keep going further out. They go, hey, you shouldn't go out that far. And they go,

it's fine, it's fine, they see it come here, and then every seventh wave, you know, but it just keeps going and it just pulls them out. They're fine. It's fine. They see it come here. And then every seventh wave, you know, but it just keeps going. And it just pulls them out. They're gone. It's called Takeout.

Takeout Beach. Takeout Beach. Yeah. How much did it say? How many people die back there? And once they're out, they're just out. I love how you said the Chinese, they want their pictures. They do.

They do. They want their pictures more than anyone. Yeah, because they're collecting data. That's not for personal interest. You can get a stipend from the government to go to a tour if you... They're vague about it. A number of people have died in recent years. Yeah, they don't want you to know because they don't want tourists to be like,

we're not going there. Yeah. That's what's so funny about when you... I had a joke about it years ago when I first did JFL, and I talked about the first time I went to Ireland, I went to the Cliffs of Moher. Moher, yeah. That place is great too.

When I was there for the first time, I don't know what it's like now. There was no fence, no rope, no nothing. And it's wet grass. Windy. Windy. And I was like, there's no way tourists don't get fallen.

Oh, for sure. You're going to see little crosses there. I know, but I'm like- And they're right on the edge. I'm like, somebody's- How many people died putting a cross in for someone dead? For the kid who died?

Yeah. But I had a joke about it that I said. It made me laugh to think, in America, you fucking, what does it say? Nine deaths per year. Nine deaths a year. On average. Twelve notable accidents. Yeah.

No, but it made me think, in America, they'd have a fence. We'd have a guard with a gun. And if you did fall, he'd shoot you before you could even die. Get him, get him. it's not related yeah i saw that norway the castle they have what by the edge on oslo and it's like just you're just there and i'm like yeah in america they would fence this 100 you wouldn't you can never get that close you just sit on the edge but then there's a piece of you that agrees with american shit because then you go to those and you go this is silly that i could do this i should die this is insane i'm drunk going to visit cliffs with my friends on a bus.

There's no head count. You know what I mean? Like they let you off, let you on. It did make sense. You're like, this should need a little baby safety net. Just something to be like,

careful out there. Chill out. Yeah. No, the bus driver was like, all right. And that's it. We just went out and then we were out for a couple hours.

It was windy and rainy. And then you would just lose people because it's huge. But it's also, we've talked about traveling a lot, you and I, but it's one of the most beautiful travel spots I've seen is the edge of Ireland is one of those places where I was like, I get this. Yeah. You go from Clifton Moor, just like a nearby city, and then just sit and drink and have them play their bands with like four people playing in a corner, but they don't have any

like speakers. Yeah. No amplification. Yeah. You eat a pie and savory pie. Just like, this is awesome. with four people playing in a corner, but they don't have any speakers, so it's just kind of quiet. Yeah, no amplification. Yeah, you eat a pie, a savory pie, just like, this is awesome. It is fucking awesome.

And then walk back to here. The only problem is, you do feel the... You ever see The Banshees of Innishirin? Did you watch that movie? What? That was maybe the most boring piece of shit I've ever seen.

Oh, you fucker. You're a fucker. Wow, what a dumb fucking movie. I don't want to be friends with you. I'll cut my finger off to not be friends with you. What the? That was maybe the most boring piece of shit I've ever seen. Oh, you fucker. You're a fucker. Wow. What a dumb fucking movie. I don't want to be friends with you. I'll cut my finger off to not be friends with you. What the? Who cares?

But I want to be friends with you. It was so beautiful. But I don't want to be friends with you, though. Well, I don't want to be friends with you, dude. It showed how drab that world is. It's so sad. It's sad. Their sweaters are only coming gray.

They can't make other colors. Colors don't grow out there. It's so sad. It's sad. Their sweaters are only coming gray. They can't make other colors. Colors don't grow out there. It's insane. But that movie reminded me of yes, Ireland, gorgeous. These northern European countries are gorgeous, but they're also dark and cold and wet all the fucking time. I mean, even London.

Dude, if London didn't have a lot of hubbub about it, it'd be a fucking miserable place. It's just drab. Yeah, dreary. Yeah, it's like all the time. And people go in June, like, I loved it. Like, yeah, you went for the two months that it was nice. Yeah, yeah, the one time.

When I was in school there, I was in Brighton by the water, and I was so fascinated by how, like, everything was always wet. Yeah. You know how, like, a car commercial in America, like, the roads are always wet? Uh-huh. And you're like, no, no, no no there is no time when it dries This is how they live wet

Their bottom of their jeans always wet The bottom of your jeans are never not wet Because you're walking in water There's always water I went to Glastonbury and I made an English friend The other day before and it was like 81 And he was like fuck He was Irish he was like god damn it

We're like oh it's such great weather Glastonbury is always great He's like ah fuck. He was Irish. He was like, god damn it. We're like, oh, it's such great weather. Glastonbury's always raining. He's like, ah, fuck. Painful. Yeah. Make it go away. Make it stop. I think about that all the time. I'm honestly, the average precipitation, 800 millimeters to 1,400 millimeters.

We got to compare what that is to here. 31.5 inches. 31 inches. We got to compare that to New York, so I know what that means. You can't have that out of context. 31 inches a year is what? To what? So 31 to

55 inches of rain a year in the UK, and what is it in fucking New York? 46, dude! More. No, in the middle. They're 55 and they're high. And how about in California? So that's not that bad.

How about in Cali? How about in LA? LA, just say Los Angeles. And you left LA, dude, for an average of- 12. 12 inches. Wow. Your dick.

Your dick. What a fucking lame move. Your dick in rain. Just 12 inches. You don't miss LA at all, though. No, I came back and as soon as I landed I was like Everyone's taking their dumb meetings And And it's like

Self-obsessed people The masks are still everywhere It's like But it's also like It's just like Just kind of sucks here It sucks a little bit Yeah

It sucks a little bit People are doing fun things But man the industry The industry It's here Is one of the lamest industries In the world It's the worst

And it runs this town. Yeah, it is the worst. Well, let's do the comparatives. Yeah. The reason New York sucks. The weather. Oh, who wants a woman who's intelligent? Thank you.

Yeah. Take it away. Let's see what else. Oh, food on all hours? God damn. Different types of regions of Chinese food available at 2.45am every day

don't try to get back to China's good graces after the camera comments they heard it New York my biggest beef with New York is that you can't

get away you cannot get away no you're there it just sprawls and there's no nature no we had one park

they fucked it up they fucked it up so They fucked it up. So now all we got is fucking, I think when people say, well, it's just a park, they think of a swing set. They think of a little tiny park. Correct. It was hundreds of acres. Yeah.

No, they think of like a little, a seesaw and a digger, you know, the little, yeah. It wasn't that. Fahim said to me last time he was in New York, he goes, I think I'm LA because I like to get in my car and get away from people. Can't get in your car. And I do like to, I see, I like to take drives my car and get away from people. Can't get in your car. And I do like to, I see,

I like to take drives and I really like to fuck off. Yeah. Like, my favorite thing is being like, dude, I don't want to be around anybody for a little bit. Yeah.

And you can disappear. In New York, it's an hour and a half before you're away from everybody. Even then, and you're annoyed when you got there. Yeah. Because you're like,

I got to get home, something happened to my apartment. Now I have to get back. Something happened to my apartment. Yeah. I got a hot tub in my place. You got a hot tub in the place that I went to? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, a little got a hot tub in my place. You got a hot tub in the place that I went to?

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, a little balcony. And it's so nice to be outside with a bubble of no one's going to bother me. Yeah. It's just so wonderful there. You really appreciate it. How did you clear a hot tub up there?

How the fuck did you do that? Paper. No, no. I just asked a super. I give him 300 bucks a year for like paying me a nice- Is it cool if I put a hot tub up there? Yeah, if you could put a car up here. He doesn't give a fuck.

He's like, this thing is concrete, if you could put a car up here. He doesn't give a fuck. He's like, this thing is concrete, bro. Now I'm being super ignorant. A crane had to put that on there? No, it was one of the inflatable ones. It's like $600, $700, $800.

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. No, but I mean, seriously, because I, like Yeah, how would you get that? The big ones have to be craned. Really? Yeah.

They're not going to allow that. Yeah, one of those. It's fucking rules. That's so sick. That's what it is, like that? It one of those. It's fucking rules. That's so sick. That's what it is, like that? It's like that. It's a six-person one, which is really four. You don't want to touch.

Isn't that funny? We have one that says six. It's four. No. And by the way- And the six has four seats, and then the higher seats on the corners, that's not a real seat. That's not for people. No.

That's for moving one or the other, or putting your legs up. Legs up. That's exactly right. Fuck that. That's for moving one to the other or putting your legs up. Legs up. That's exactly right. Fuck that. We got one because the house I'm in was built in like 1941.

So they built a pool in like the, I don't even know. They built just an old pool, like an old LA pool. In the water? In the ground? Yeah, in the ground. But there was no hot tub because back then no one was really doing them combo style. But now the guy was like, do you want to do a combo where it's in the pool? And I said, honestly, no.

I like it separated. I don't want the hot tub water to be spilling. No, I don't like it. I want the pool to be its own thing. And then get out and go to the thing. Nearby? Yeah, it's right next to it.

Do you got a fire pit? No. That's the one thing I thought I should have had. Yeah, that'd be nice. You can just buy one. You don't have to get a real made one. I know, but is it actually going to be warm?

Oh, yeah. The metal ones? Not the solo stove. The metal ones with like open on every side. Oh, that. Right. That's a good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just put the thing over it. That is. The real ones are good. But the other little phony bullshit ones that people have. Yeah, that's the solo stove on the top left. You don't want that. But you want the bottom. The bottom one.

Yeah, the real one. Even a deeper one than that. Yeah, maybe something like that. How many humans have you got into the hot tub on the roof at this point? Total? Yeah. List has been up there. He was the first one in.

List would be the first one to get in there. I kept trying to get Sal to come. I was like, come to my hot tub when you come over. He's like, I don't know what this joke is, Ari. I don't know what you're saying. I kept saying it. Like, all right, then hot tub while you're there. What, do you think that it's body insecurity?

No, he just didn't understand how someone could have a hot tub in Manhattan. You think his body insecurity, though, that he doesn't want to take his shirt off and get in the tub? For sure he's going to put his shirt on in the hot tub. For sure he's a swimmer. Which of our friends would get in your hot tub, would not get in the hot tub because they didn't want to take their shirt off and get in the hot tub? Sal, Big J. Big J is a shirt swimmer. Yeah.

Yeah, like always. I'm trying to think who else. Shirt swimmers. Who else? Who else would not take their shirt off? Bobby would take it off. Yeah, like always. I'm trying to think who else. Shirt swimmers. Who else? Who else would not take their shirt off? Bobby would take it off. Yeah, 100%.

But I see Bobby leaving it on as well and not care. No, no, he would take it off. Now he would. In these days, he would take it off.

How about Soder, yes? Soder's taking his shirt off. Yeah, taking his shirt off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bargatze? Interesting. Bargatze was like, no one can know

I'm friends with you so I can do this. Yeah, that makes more sense. I canze? Interesting. Bargatze was like, no one can know I'm friends with you so I can do this. Yeah, that makes more sense. I can't have him come out. He made you sign an NDA when he... Who else? Yeah, who would...

DiStefano couldn't wait. He'd go naked. Yeah, he'd jump in. Yeah, he'd 100% jump in. Okay, this is the best. These two. Okay. This is the real misnomers.

Normand. He's shirt off. He's shirt off party. Yeah. But is the real misnomers. Normand. He's shirt off. He's shirt off party. Yeah. But... Shirt on sex. Shirt on sex. Shirt on sex, yeah.

Every time I fucked him, he keeps his shirt on. He would be a shirt on sex guy. 100%. And he has a good body. Nice body. You know why he didn't take his shirt off during sex? Because he'd tell the girl, you haven't earned this. Work a little bit harder, then you get this.

Work a little bit harder. Dude, Norma, back when he was single it was the Bumble years when Bumble had just picked up off Tinder and Bumble the girl has to reach out first the woman has to reach out first

oh right right right and he was so cause you know he was a he's a good looking guy handsome cat yeah and then they'd reach out

and they'd say something like how was your week and he was like that's your lead it's not that easy is it do better give it right back to him it's nice what about uh norman who what about sam sam who morel morel he's not getting in he's

not getting in my back hurts it's i don't know if the warm water's good see that's your guys you guys do that stuff yeah sam's a juju see it's funny because you look like a cartoon of a jew he he acts like a Jew. He was complaining to me and Shane once. He was talking about flights. He was like, it's just hard. Back hurts. I don't get on. It's hard to be stuck in a flight when you're tall. And it was like me and Shane were just like,

you know, we're both taller than you. About within an inch of you. And he's like, oh, well. He just say it? Jewish. Jewish, yeah. Just Jewish. Speaking of Jewish, I'm like yeah you just you just say it jewish jewish yeah just jewish yeah speaking of jewish i'm just letting you know i'm still fine but about 12 minutes ago a diarrhea came down the chute so hard you got it right now yeah it's loaded up it's i mean it's gonna be a don't do it on these seats is that why you're sitting like that yeah like a kid who has to

shit yeah it's possible i'm just letting you know. I don't want it to come out of these chairs. It won't. I'm going to go to that bathroom. Okay. How long have we got? We can end the episode. I'll just start rolling a little bit before you guys. But that's fine because I don't want you to shit in these chairs. I really like these chairs. Dude, I was on DeRosa's

Taste Buds and he went to the bathroom and he was like, hey, don't do anything, which all I heard was do anything. Yeah, do everything. And so I just pulled my pants on and I just rubbed my bare ass all over his chair and forgot about it.

I heard this story. And forgot about it. Yeah. And then he was like, I've got a bone to pick with you and I was like, what? He goes, I mean, what you did? And I'm like,

I honestly, this could go any direction. I have no idea what you're talking about. I wasn't trying to cover it up. I just have no idea what you mean. Yeah. And then he told me and I started laughing and then realized, oh, you're legit mad. I shouldn't be laughing in his up. I just have no idea what you mean. And then he told me and I started laughing.

And then I realized, oh, you're legit mad. I shouldn't be laughing in his face. He was very mad, yeah. I heard about this from DeRosa. That's funny. I heard the other side of this. Livid. He was mad that no one told him, too.

Oh, yeah. Because Sal was in the room? No, no. Pimp was in the room. Oh, just Pimp. Yeah, Pimp and Benetea. And they were like, you should have stopped him. And V didn't say anything.

No, they're like, you should have stopped him. And I'm like, no, what do you mean? Somebody's going to stop the comedy? They can't stop you. That's not their job. They can't stop you. That's have stopped him. And I'm like, no, what do you mean? Somebody's going to stop the comedy? They can't stop you. That's not their job. They can't stop you. That's not their job. Their job is to roll.

By the way, if they come try to stop you, even funnier footage. Oh, you don't think you're getting my dick on you? Do you think you're not getting my dick on you? I have one weapon, and it's cocked. DeRosa didn't give me that story. He was so fucking upset. He was very upset. Did you guys make up or no? yeah we made up

we were on air at Bonfire and he was like I gotta do this I gotta do it on air so I can do it I was like okay and he told me it was funny we had to clean that it made me laugh more

because Sal is such a germaphobe, of course. Yeah, they did probably steam clean it. And when Sal's like, you know I had to steam clean that thing? And I was like, well, it was overdue, Sal. Yeah. Time to clean out your chairs. Yeah. Also, what do you want me to do? Noppy me? Yeah, you have to be you. Come on! Alright, go take a shit. You guys, I want to thank Ari Shafir

for being on the show and not shitting him on my chairs. We end the episode the same way. Say one word or one phrase into that camera. One word or one phrase. Go up into that camera one word or one phrase go diarrhea in here we pour whisk You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.