Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Barry Rothbart Meets The Whiskey Ginger Ghost 👻 | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and storyteller Barry Rothbart for a smart, funny conversation about stand-up, self-awareness, and the art of turning everyday awkwardness into big laughs. Special guest appearance of our studio ghosts! 👻 They talk about Barry’s approach to joke writing, navigating the comedy world without losing your voice, and why embracing who you actually are on stage usually works better than chasing trends. It’s a laid-back, comic-to-comic episode with plenty of laughs and insight. In this episode: • Writing honest jokes that don’t try too hard • Finding confidence in your own comedic lane • Touring stories and learning from rough sets • Santino and Barry talk comedy instincts, timing, and perspective Drop a comment with your favorite Barry Rothbart bit. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #BarryRothbart #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #comedians ======================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSOR SQUARESPACE USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Searchlight Pictures presents in the blink of an eye on Hulu on Disney Plus, a sweeping science fiction drama spanning the stone age, the present day, and the distant future, about the essence of what it means to be human, regardless of our place in history. The film is directed by Oscar-winning filmmaker Andrew Stanton and stars Rashida Jones, Kate McKinnon, and Dave Diggs. Stream in the blink of an eye, February 27, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up at Disneyplus.com. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave series. Hello, Whistinge fans.

I'm jumping around a little bit. Bad friends, Bobby Lee and I are going to be playing Thunder Valley Casino in Lincoln, California, which is basically Sacramento. Come on out and see us. Then I'm at the Wind Casino in Las Vegas. Beautiful Las Vegas. Viva Las Vegas. Come see me at the Wind, March 21st, the 27th.

I'm going to play the Little Roadie Fest out there in Providence, Rhode Island. The Borgata is the make-up date April 3rd for Atlantic City. Please come back out and see us. Sorry, that got canceled. It wasn't me. It was the weather. Then finally, bad friends, Bobby Lee and I are playing the Los Angeles YouTube Theater right here in California. For Netflix as a Jokefest, May 8th.

Go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets, Andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger feeder. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's abugas. You only $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Oh, hell now.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to whiskey ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people in North and say that for all my guess, but I mean it once again today. It is Barry Rothbart. You do have an amazing athlete name.

That's a great... No, it's not. Barry Rothbart. That's a great yellout name. How many Jewish athlete names are there? Uh, how many Jew athlete names are there? Yeah. Sandy Kofax.

Sandy Kofax? A great Jewish baseball player? In the last 100 years. I mean, Kofax was what, the 50s, 60s? Yeah, 70s, into the 70s? Okay. Rothlessberger?

55. What? 55 to 66. 66, okay. Yeah, yeah. Rafflesberger, he's not Jewish, but he has a Jewish name. Sounds Jewish. Yeah.

Who else sounds Jewish? Al Rosen. Huh? Al Rosen. Al Rosen. Yeah. Julian Edelman. Yeah, Julian Edelman's a Jew.

And he's a current football. player, well, he's retired, but he's a buddy, he's a Jew. I was trying to change my name at some point early in my career. Did you ever go through that? You have a great name. Santino was kind of a home run, although it didn't match the face. So I'm sure like an early manager was like, you should be O'Donnell, you know what I mean? Someone I met was like, you should, my middle name's Ross. You know, like Jeff Ross was Jeff Lipschitz. Like I already said. They were like, you should be Barry Ross. And I actually like did it. I changed my name. And then I, I felt so fucking lame.

Dirty. That feels dirty. It's so lame. Yeah. It's wrong. So many people do it. I don't know if they do it anymore, but... It's funny for... If funny to change your name, if... Look, it makes sense if it's like remarkably difficult. Yeah. But to change it because, what, it sounds too Jewish? Yeah.

For the business? Yeah, it's too Jewish. That makes almost no sense. I know, I know, man. I was like, you know, Jason Schwartzman's doing well. And he's the most Jewish-looking guy like on. earth. If you drew it, you're like, draw a Jewish guy. They're like, Jason Schwartzman, you're like, you got it. That's the guy. I think who, like who else? Well, then there's guys that don't have Jewish, like Adam Pally. Yeah. He's Jewish name. Doesn't really look, I mean, he'll be like, yes, I look Jewish. Right.

Yeah. Not in the traditional actor, Jewish actor sense. Chris Dalia. Paul Rudd. Yeah. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd is Jewish? Yeah, he's a hidden Jew. I didn't know he was Jewish. You don't know about this? That's huge. Mm-hmm. You know this, right? Yeah, Jiminy Glic. Yeah, that's right, called him out. No, Galaphanakis called him out. He was like, how do you sleep at night avoiding being Jewish so hard one?

It was also a thing about spelling. Galaphanakis is a great example. I was like, can people like spell rough? But it's like, who fucking cares? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? I'm not going to make it anyway. It's like, who cares?

I'd rather, like, fail with my name, you know? Then fail under the guise of someone else? Yeah. But you have made it very well. Have I? I think you've done fantastic. I think so, yeah, I think I've done okay. What's the scale of what we're looking for, I guess.

You've been in, you've been in, you've been in more things than most of your peers. How about that? You've done, you know, you've accomplished more than most of your peers. I feel that, but I don't know if anyone looks at life that way. You know? In the business. Do you, do you, do you like go around being like, look how much more I've done? That's all I've ever done than everybody.

You do. I literally go up to my therapist says I should do that more. Yeah. And I go, done more than you. Come on in. You have your IMDB just like printed on your wall. If they've done more than me, I'm like, you gotta go home, man. No, I just mean like, you have had great success.

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. It was, you know, the first thing we did together. Punked. I know, isn't that crazy? That was the first time I was ever on TV. Same.

I think you too, right? Yeah, same. No, actually, it's not. I did men of a certain age. I did a guest star. Oh, yeah, on the sitcom. Wait, who was the star of that? Scott Bacula, Ray Romano.

Yeah. Robert Lojia. Yeah. And then you did punked. And then you did punked. What a wild nightmare that turned out. Do you remember how I got fired from Punked? I'm trying to remember.

What happened? I was like, I knew from the moment, I mean, this isn't, I'm not like, you know, blown smoke up your ass, but I knew from the moment I met you in the writer's room. I was like, he's going to be the, like, guy. Like, you had the most confidence of anyone in that thing. You know why, to be honest with you? And I appreciate the compliment. Cocaine.

It was Coke. Yeah. No, it's because I didn't fucking care. At the point that I had gotten that show, I didn't care if they fired me because I kind of was tired of working with those guys because I'd worked with them a year before writing a whole season of a fucking Comedy Central show that literally got shot and thrown immediately in the trash. You mean Goldberg and like that? Yeah. Yeah.

Ian Edwards and I wrote a Comedy Central pilot for Al Shear. For people that don't know, Al Shear was the other guy on the season one of Punk. Everybody remembers Dax. But Al, who's very famous on BET show, hits from the streets. He was in the black community at that point in time. he was the guy on TV because BET ran reruns of hits from the streets forever

so it was him and Dax but Dax exploded and then Al got to deal with Comedy Central to do a show they didn't want to hire real writers Comedy Central was as penny pinching as they've ever been and was like just give us a bunch of young bullshit writers so they had to hire

Or they did that up until the end until they fucking folded it but they hired Ian to be the head writer because Ian Edwards is a brilliant writer and they were like we'll pay one guy Yeah. And then all these other writers they brought in, they were like, I'm not fucking writing a show for no money. And a friend's friend was like, there's this young comic I know he'll write for no fucking money.

And I was like, yes, I will. I'll write for, I think it was honestly, it was like a couple hundred bucks a week. And I was just. I would have done it. Oh my God. Yeah. It's like $2.50 a week. And so we wrote with Ian, we shot this whole series.

And Comedy Central was like, we're not going to air this at all. So at that point, I was like, why am I even fucking doing this? Was it like a punk type series? It was a hidden camera show. Yeah, yeah. It was a hidden camera show, but it was, from the perspective of Al, like, it was a lot of, like, he wanted to do only pranks in the hood. Like, he was, he was like, we're not doing, we're not pranking white people. Yeah.

He's like, we are only going to prank people in the hood. And now that's the biggest thing on social media. Isn't that the funny? He was way out of the curve. It was, yeah. It really was. He did a bit, well, he did, he's like, if we're going to fuck with white people, we're fucking with them bad. So we went to Beverly Hills or Bel Air, and we did a bit called Gangster Gardner, where he showed up with a bunch of, like, jacked up.

up, tatted up dudes, and they just started doing your lawn. And they would come out and be like, get off, get the fuck out of here. And he'd be like, no, no, you always, I mean, he did hedges. And he gave them a detailed list of what they did. Way, they just walked up to other people that. They just walked up to a lawn in Beverly Hills and started doing it. Gangster Gardner. He's like, if we, because he was like, if we're going to fuck with white people,

I'm going to make them uncomfortable about like service. Because then you can get them in an actual physical, you know, that was kind of the world we started learning. It was like the, you did this. No, you didn't. That never worked. but the physical was always great. Like a guy would run out and he was like,

digging, they were digging a hole, planting a fucking tree. And the guy was fighting him on putting the tree in. And I was like, well, this is great. And Comedy Central was like, this is lawsuit central. Like, it was just, they hated every second of it. So then by the time I got to punk, truly,

I was like, if they fire me, fine. I was, I was fucking, I was miserable. You were like, that's it for my career. I got, I didn't, yeah, I hit the ceiling. You're like, I just didn't give a fuck because I thought, It just felt so like, and also that you remember, it was not.

It was a crazy writer's room. It was fucking insane. It was insane. And then like Miley Cyrus would show up and like, Christ was just like, you know, I don't want to say it. But yeah. It was nuts. It was crazy.

And it was very alpha. It was like very, like you really had to get your pitch in. It was impossible. It was impossible. And I was just like, I made it. Like, this is huge. Yeah. And I remember.

Yeah, I remember you were hilarious. Adam Lustick. Adam Lustick. One of the funniest guys alive. I just saw like a week ago. Really? Yeah, his kid knows my kid. And we're like, we both live in Pasadena.

Well, his house was messed up in the fires and stuff. Oh, that's right. Yeah. But you did that, by the way. That wasn't the fires. It was you, you did. You just burnt down his house. My fires.

Right. Yeah, it was messed up in my fire. Yeah, yeah. That's a much smaller. Just his house. Yeah. So what happened was I did five episodes of Pongt, with you and this was it was funny because like when I audition the audition was

amazing I don't know if you remember how fun it was oh it was a lot of people who's like that was my nightmare because everyone auditioned for it at the time but they basically just go into a room with some other actor and they're just like just improv yeah there was nothing it was literally just like just yeah do so there was no set there was no like scene there was no set rules so then it was really playing to some people's ultimate strengths yours in particular because you can fly. Some people really kind of You let me go, bro.

Open the gate. That's what I used to call it on set. Open the gates. Let them go. But you really, it does play to some people's strength, but I did see a lot of impover's that would come and they would get eaten alive because they wanted way more structure. And the show is kind of oddly unstructured. It was very much, this is the bit, but

if you didn't figure out a way to like rogue set up your own little world inside of there, it was never, you were just going to be lost on camera. You also can't have a sense of humility in that show. You really have to be able I remember the advice, because I was so nervous

the first time when we did. What was the first bit? Do you remember? The first bit we did was, it actually was ruined. It was at this cafe where a car was going to drive into it. Who was it? And the cafe was in Los Philaeas, right? I think it was, what's his

name, Deardick? I think we were pranking Deerick, and I was supposed to be like the manager who's like, you got to pay for that. The whole whole bit was someone just randomly drives in with his car, like the ballet guy. Yeah, it was his car. And I was like, you got to pay for that right now. It's like 100 grand or whatever.

Right. And I was so fucking nervous. And I remember Jason Goldberg, he was just like, don't be nervous because what you have to understand is no one is thinking about you being weird. Everyone's thinking about themselves all day. Yeah. Like no one goes into a situation being like, that guy's not real. Right. And then immediately, that's what happened.

He was just like, Rob Dierig was like, you're not real. Immediately he was just like, this isn't real, right? And it was ruined. And then they quickly had to be like, what celebrity is nearby? And they got, I think, Sean Kingston. That's right. Who I think was arrested not too long ago for some crazy shit.

Wait, really? Yeah. Sean Kingston, the rapper, right? Yeah, yeah. And they got him, and we did it, and it was fine. But it was very nerve-wracking. And I also was, like, in this high because I had just, like, got new faces. JFL, which was like, when you got new phases

at that time in our careers, it was just like, didn't you also do the same year? Tonight Show? Yeah, yeah, right. I was flying in a row. And I got an agent for the first time right after booking punked, and it was ICM. The Golden Boy.

They don't exist anymore. You were the Golden Boy. I was the Golden Boy, and they put out a deadline article that I signed with them, which is crazy. That's funny when they do that. Isn't that fucking crazy? It's so weird. And Deadline articles, if,

People don't know who aren't in this business are the only reason you get into this business is deadline. They're so fucking great. It's just like everybody's like, you get a deadline article, man. I'd rather get that than the paycheck. But yeah, so they announced it

and they said I was on pumped in deadline, mid shooting the season. And I got a call like that day from the punk producers. They were like, we got to fire you because everyone's going to know you're a cast member. That's right of the article. And you're gonna,

it's gonna fuck up every bit and I got fired. What a fucking terrible move. Yeah. Why did they do you? And I stayed with that agent. Yeah. Stayed with them for some reason.

In some weird way in my head, I was like, now they owe me. It is interesting to think. It is, they didn't need to fire you because I don't think you were famous enough then. I also wasn't like amazing on the show, I don't think.

Well, nobody really was. The show was really tough to do. It was hard. But I just mean like, they didn't need to fire you. But at the same time, the thought of the agent getting off them. That was just them getting off saying they signed you.

So bad they needed it that bad. Yes. And they, it's that's that. And honestly, if you told an agent, you'd be like, I should,

I should take away your money. You're like, you should get no commission. And then in their mind, they'd be like, what do you mean? This is a celebration. There is this thing.

I don't know if you have this with agents where there's a point where you're like, well, now they're going to be on my side. Like something will happen and you're like, well, they're working for me. Correct. And I was like, yeah, they screwed up my life.

Now they'll fix it. Now they're going to get me something else. And they never did. But yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, I guess they didn't have to, but I could see them being like, yeah, like agents being like, hey, look out for this guy. You're going to get punked. But that was a crazy season, man.

That was like, but that is. I feel like everyone was so mad. It was just like a strange vibe. It was an unfortunate, it was more stressful than fun. I remember like most nights feeling anxious and stressed. And also. bummed if like we shot something and it didn't go well

I would just go home at night and be really fucking bummed like it just would fuck you up if you didn't you know what I mean? It's not like a day on set if you had kind of a shitty day shooting a TV show or shooting something you're like I just wasn't as good today as I want to be but you get over pretty fast yeah with that show it would like sat with me for days because I would think about the so good on it

you're the only thing that was good on that show well that's nice it just I can you have been good since thank you trust me You were great on the business agrees. Have you seen Ricky's the Nicky? What happened to Sean Kingston, by the way? And now I'm like crazy. He was arrested at Fort Irwin U.S. Army Training Base performing a show based on a Florida warrant for numerous fraud and theft charges.

His mother was also arrested three hours earlier at their Florida home. Book him, Dan. When your mother gets arrested? Yeah. They were both of them. They book your mom? In a federal fraud case, both of them. Well, because he probably bought the house that she lives in is probably under his name and it's probably dirty money.

Yeah, there were sentenced to three years Oh, they're in jail together Yeah, they both got killed in prison, right? Just start fake rumors John Gingston He's singing to his mom at night in prison Is kind of sweet though You're so beautiful girl

At night Yeah, we don't have to say I'm punk But the last day, I remember The scenes would take all day to set up Like, oh, that's the ghost Oh, fuck. Is that Jason Goldberg? No, that means he likes you.

Oh, good. And that's the ghost means he likes you. Of Sean Kingston? There, they're there. See, if he fucks with the lights, that means he likes you. I'm not kidding. There's a ghost that does this. Okay.

It's Morse code. Bear, be, very, can book something. Something in 2035. That's a long time away for a gig. Yeah. Is this going to keep doing this now? Yeah. That's crazy.

What is that? In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or you're scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I've talked about them so much now.

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And we're absolutely back. Getting off of the world of punkata. It was a strange time in our... I got punched in the neck by Nick Cannon's friend. I like that part. Yeah. And I remember them being like, keep going, keep going. I was like, I can't breathe.

They were like, keep going. Yeah, dude punched me in the neck. His security guard or something? No, it was one of the people who was being, like it was a rap group he was managing or something. Do you remember it was a sex party in a warehouse? Yeah, yeah, in a warehouse. I love her was Lustick butt naked. Lustick was butt naked.

Running around. Well, we wanted, we wanted somehow to get Adam Lustick to run naked through a scene because Adam is has a he's a beautiful beautiful bald man who's very skinny with it he's well endowed and it was like who doesn't want to see that guy he's a massive dick he's a massive possible ah god loves some people more than others i feel like and he's got a good heart and he wears it well he wears it very well but he has a big weaner and we thought yeah i don't know who pitched it i'm sure it was christ or one of us that was like you got to have this guy like a crazy party in hollywood run through butt naked

There were so many sketches early on in my career and so many things where I was like, this would be so much funny if I was naked. It was just being naked. It was so funny. I was naked in so much shit. There was a naked show in New York. Do you remember? You never did stand up in New York like.

No, no, no, no. Only when I would go to do shows. There was a naked show where the audience and the comics are both naked. Oh, see, that's fair. I like that. If you're both naked. You don't have to be naked, but a lot of people would come. So it was nudists.

And for some reason, nudists are never attractive. I don't know why. Like people who are like really into nudity. But it was like, this is a bit I should work on. Yeah. But why are they? I don't know. Because everything I've seen nudists, like, they all seem like very well to do people, very nice and sweet, but they're never attractive.

Never. Why is, what would it be? You think as attractive people, I think if you're attractive, it's like, it's too high value. Yeah, it's almost like a gift to see me naked. Yeah. Right. And nudists are like, this is a fucking push. Yeah.

And they're all hairless. We don't know. I think that the nudity of a hot person is more high value. But this show you go to is nude audience, nude comic. Nude comics. And you would do a set. You just do stand-up. I did, I did an hour. No, yeah, it was like 10 minutes.

It was just like, yeah, you do set. Are you not self-conscious of your penis? I mean, look, I'm sure you have a regular penis, but like... No, you'd be surprised. Oh, you got a nice beef, huh? No, no, not nice. Oh, oh. But so then you care less.

I feel like you may care less if your penis is not. Sometimes I feel like if people are, are well-endowed, unlike Adam, I think they're a little more embarrassed about it, which is odd. Really? Yeah. I haven't found that. Yeah, kind of like they don't want to show it off. Maybe it feels like it's like, I don't, that's not a. But little penis guys always want to show it.

It's not little. Like Bobby always wants to show it. It's not little. Well, his isn't either. It's average. I really, you know, little. It's little. Yeah, it's little.

The grower, not a show. thing is very real. I don't know if that's like... Yeah, it's weird in like, you know, in your locker room settings when you're not hard. Well, you gotta grow for the boys. I got to grow. So I would be like, you know, trying to jack off a little backstage, you know, I would go in there. Yeah. Yeah. There's some comics. I'm not going to name names who have unbelievable dicks.

Just the... Oh, well, that's a great compliment. I'd love to know who has a nice cock. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't want to say it. Yeah, I got it. And then there were women comics on the show or this is just another all white male show? No, no, no. Women? Women. And they were butt naked? Butt naked.

Yeah. This was a huge... I don't know if it's still going on, but yeah. What was it called? It was a big deal. The naked show. And who ran it? Do you remember?

Some nudist guy. Who just was like... No, he wasn't even a comic. At a bar? He was terrible. He had the smallest dick I've ever seen. Ever in my life. It must be crazy having a micro penis, right?

We talked about that once before. I didn't believe it was real. Yeah. I almost think it's a... It's lore. But this man probably had just had a small penis. Well, he was fat. If you're fat, it kind of doesn't count.

Yeah. I heard you can gain three inches per 10 pounds of weight you lose. Oh, that's... I don't know if that's true. Well, get back in the gym, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like a reason for me to get back in the gym. Anyway, the craziest naked thing was I got hired...

This was before I was like, even in L.A. I was just starting in comedy, and I got hired to... I was a videographer for a while before. In New York. In New York. And I got hired to shoot a 50-plus gay nudist colony commercial. A commercial for the colony? Yeah.

An hour. Well, not even a commercial. It was like an informational video where I had to stay there for two weeks. Where was this? In the Poconos. Oh, nice. Yeah, I was like, well, someone, because I had an ad on Craigslist or whatever, like just being like, yeah, I'll shoot whatever. I got a camera, you know.

I'll shoot anything. I'll shoot anything. I'll edit anything. I was like, I got a computer. Whatever you need, man. And I got an email from this weird email address. I think it was like nude yorker or something. And they were like, we run a 50 plus nudist colony. And we want someone to come stay with us for two weeks. Gay, gay nudist colony, all male.

And we want someone to come stay with us for two weeks and just shoot everything and just, you know, video literally. Document their life. Document the entire retreat. It was just a retreat. Oh, okay, okay. It was like a camp. It was like summer camp for older guys naked. gay and and I went I was like you know I'm just letting you know I'm not gay like that's is that okay sure you're not

Just bring your camera they were like that's preferable and I was like okay Why would that be preferable? Well you're about to find out okay and So I went with with this other guy who I would shoot stuff with and we got there and we were closed and it's it's crazy It's shocking to see that many naked people in one place It's a fucking shodgy naked guys. Yeah, yeah it's heavy it's like seeing a dinosaur somewhere. Like, you're just like, how is this fucking possible? That's what they look like.

Like, that many older naked people. Yeah. There was 500 people there. Oh, shit. I thought you said 50. 500. 50 plus. God.

They were all older than 50 years old. And they were like, oh, you have to be naked too the whole time. No, I know. I was like, I don't really want to. And then they were like, trust me, you're going to want to. And I started walking around. fully clothed and being the only fully clothed person just felt so strange

so I was like I'm gonna try it I'm gonna try being naked and I was naked and I spent the rest of the time naked and it was the best two weeks of my fucking life a lot of people propositioning me. Of course and it confirmed to me that I wasn't gay because you know you always

have these doubts you're like would I like there was times where I would be taken to like the back of like a cabin by some like everyone was very friendly very friendly. I'm sure they were handsome man And he Honestly he was like Do you want to like fool around and do something?

Like just no one around No one around And I was just like no I kind of just want to talk And I would just talk to these naked guys It was the most beautiful experience And then they have a talent show On the last day And they were like

We heard your comic And I was like yeah And they were like do you want to do stand up And I was like Yes I do And I did 20 minutes of stand up At their talent show In front of 500 people

completely naked and it was the greatest thing ever That is rad. Yeah, a guy named Bear Man Yeah, we know Bear Man. Yeah, you know Bear Man So many cock rings too At these places

You just love cock rings or piercings Rings, like that keep your dick hard Oh, so they stay So these guys are hard the whole time? They're at least halfway Wow Did you ever get hard while you're filming? No, no

I didn't get hard for a month after It would be fun to take like a blue chew and just be hard while you're filming. Just dick up all day long. So many people were walking around hard. There was some, one of the guys who ran the camp were like, don't go to this section of the camp ever. Right.

That's not for you. Because they were like, that's where some scary stuff happens. And I was like, what? And they were like, you know, it's just like, like, people are fucking, like, constantly at this part of the camp. There's a couple guys that they never left. But yeah, people walk around with boners, like full boners. I felt great.

I honestly was like I kind of get it. What's weird about nudity is it kind of just takes away. all pretense from your life like it takes away class like you don't know who's rich who's not it takes away a lot of like

it kind of puts people on the same level and I kind of got disappointed when I had to put my clothes back on right it's a lot easier to leave the house like we had our cabin and it was like I don't have to think about what the fuck I'm gonna throw on this is actually an interesting perspective people wearing shoes obviously

yes because footwear well what was scary was if it rained people would just wear top no bottom and that's a whole whole different kind of naked. Somehow it's more naked when you're just clothed on the top and not the bottom than it is being

fully naked. It's the Winnie the Pooh, I mean. That's the Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. That's the Winnie the Pooh. Just a shirt on top of the dick out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the shoes... But shoes, yeah, you wear shoes. You have to because you can... You're walking around camp. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It is funny. This is a... There's

something in the... My brain immediately went to when you said you don't, you can't tell class. I was like, that's really interesting. It is funny in society. I think it should be The richer you get, the more naked you have to be in our society. Oh, I love that idea. Like, wouldn't that be nice to these fucking egregious, like, billionaires?

And they must be nude at all times. Like, they cannot wear clothes. It is against the law after a certain tax bracket for you to wear clothes. Yeah. I wonder what that would do to the world of wealth. That's like, you have to be naked. People wouldn't want to be wealthy anyone. I know, isn't that interesting?

You have to be naked at all time. You would purposely not do certain things because you're like, I don't want to. You just get certain surgeries and shit, though. You know? Like, you'd get, because you, but you see some of these, like, billionaires on the list and, or, like, you see these, like, extremely globally wealthy people. And they always look like that one guy that yells at people on TikTok who has glasses,

ball, that little short, fat guy. What's that fucking guy? He's like, you can't fucking. He's, like, screaming all the time. My pillow guy? No, no. There's, like, a little, like, a, he's, like, a motivational speaker and every other word out of his mouth is a cussword.

But I know he's a little pudgy fuck under all those clothes. Yeah. And I'm like, it'd be so funny to make you be naked. Musk got a little dick, I feel like. Elon? Yeah. You've seen it, right? Yeah.

I'm trying to remember what it felt like. That Musk cock. You could tell Elon Musk has a small penis based on the rockets he builds. Oh, yeah. Rockets are purely a phallic dream. That's like such a phallic. Cyber trucks. Yeah.

Well, the cyber truck was a big, it was a prank that actually like worked on America. Was it? He I think he drew that I no no I seriously I think that the joke was like he drew like some quick concepts and that became the car That's so funny which is such a fuck you to people Did design engineering like all the it's illegal you know it's illegal The cyber truck's illegal in France My my my friends were over at my house this past week and she's French and she's from France She's like it's illegal I was like what do you mean it's illegal there? She's like it's too sharp

Like the French government was like it's far too sharp sharp? Like physically sharp? Yes, like the angles are dangerous. Oh. Like if a toddler falls on it? Well, if it bumped into somebody, it could cause more harm than a regular car. Which I think is very French and very, no.

That's how it's going to harm you? It's too sharp. If it hits you? Yeah. I just, I like the idea that they're using that as a loophole to be like, no, we can't have those in this fucking country. I learned, I dated a French girl for a while and I learned, they have a lot of crazy. Like, you can't, they have a whole list of names you can't give kids. It's illegal.

Like you can't name a kid Hitler. You can't name a kid, you know, cock sucker or whatever. It is, like you can't. Here you could name a kid any, literally anything. Why could you name a kid? Louis C.K. had a good bit about this. About what? Name a kid.

He's like, you could literally name a kid 50 Fs in a row. Yeah. It was like a bit he did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. Yeah.

Classic bit. But there are illegal U.S. names. What are they? Not illegal. Yeah. What? Because they're considered titles, religiously offensive or impractical. Like king, queen, Jesus Christ, Messiah, Adolf Hitler, the at symbol, 1069.

Oh, shit. What's 1069? I don't know. That's just the first. I'm going to name my next kid's 67. 1068. 1069 banned name. Jesus Christ, you've banned. However, that's really manipulative because you could name your kids. Jesus is an extremely common name, and his middle name could be Christ. I think you're on a fake news site. Yeah, you're on fake news. I was looking at true social. It says it's banned in a 10%. 1069 is banned in places like North Dakota, Minnesota, and California, because it consists solely of numbers, which can cause confusion and legal and administration systems.

Just that number? I don't know why. Maybe that's just, maybe that's just the fall guy. Some sort of penal code or some bullshit. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today. and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. A healthier you means more moments to cherish.

Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. What was going to say? There's going to be kids named 67. My daughter's 6, and she knows 67 already as a thing. Do you know about 67? 67, you mean?

67, yeah. Yeah, that's like, I know. 6? 6. And she knows that? She knows that? Are you going to have more kids or that's it? I think that's it.

Because if you did have another kid, would you want to have another girl or a boy? I'd want another girl. I don't want a boy. Yeah, isn't that funny? Boys suck, man. Boys are dog shit. Every friend she has that's a boy, I'm just like, oh. I actually don't like any kids besides her.

Well, yeah, that makes sense. Some people like kids after they have kids. They're like, I like kids. I just don't like any kids. I think most of my friends with kids only like their kids. Yeah. And they hate other kids because their kids play with other kids. And they're like, I fucking can't stand those.

Cannot stand them. It was the opposite when I got a dog. I was like, I love all dogs now. Well, that's me. Yeah, right. I love every single dog. Every single dog. I hate every single.

I hate kids so much more now that I have a kid. Well, that does line up because you can't, they're closer to you now. Now you, like, see how they behave in your home. Like, if she has a friend over, you're like, Jesus Christ, I can't stand that fucking kid. Awful. And I think he's going to have little fucking boners and you're sticking them everywhere. It's like, I can't have that. That's disgusting.

It is funny to say, I do love all dogs because of my dog. Actually, I'll say this. I love dogs. I love certain breeds. I like certain breeds. now that I didn't really like before. I was a breedist. There were certain breeds of dogs.

I'm like, I don't fuck. I can't stand that dog. I always was yucked out. It's a, it's a OCD thing. I'm grossed out by like bulldogs because they droolie. Oh, you have like an OCD like germ thing. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know that. That stuff grosses me the fuck out. Yeah. But not like Howie Mandel level. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Or like Trump level. No, no, it's pretty like Trump's like Trump. It's like Trump.

No, what's Trump? Does he, is he OCD? Crazy. He won't shake people's hands unless it's, like, he has to. I'm split on this because I do understand, I don't love touching people. Like, I would love to hug you, I know you. But like strangers huggy, touchy all the time. Ah, that, I hate it.

Well, okay, so that I'm kind of like. I hate being touched, especially after shows. Yeah, I don't want to touch. So that's the little weird to me, like when I used to say hi to fans and stuff, a lot of times, I'd be like, hey, hey, thank you for coming, thank you. But a lot of people want to shake out of. respect, but it's like, I don't want to shake everyone's hand. Because that's an OCD, weirdo, germy thing where it's like, I'm on the road now. I'm more likely to get sick if I shake every one of your fucking hands.

I'm going to get sick. You know what I mean? Like, boy, I was just thinking about how Bobby would just tongue. He tongue kissed people. Yeah, he used to tongue kiss people. On the show and he wouldn't even shake hands. I mean, I would do, yeah, I would do that. Yeah, he'd tongue kiss people.

And he'd get really sick a lot. He gets sick all the time. But that was my thing is like, if I was on the road, everyone wanted to shake your hand after the show and I would do it but then subconsciously I'm like well I'm gonna be sick next week in Florida for sure shake your hand I people for some reason feel like they have like physical ownership over you that's a little strange after show where they like put their arm around you and shit or grab you I don't like that happen to you oh yeah you're a little scarier than I am well we're you're but you're they don't know how scary you really are no one knows yeah yeah yeah

I know the little I know the daughter knows yeah um daddy go back downstairs no but you come off more intimidating, I feel like. People say that sometimes. But then when the fans meet me, I think they start to change their tune. Actually, the first thing they say is, where's Bobby? And you're taller than I thought. That's like the second. Everyone says that everywhere I fucking go.

Taller than they thought. Because on the show, it's behind a desk. And so they don't know, Bobby and I look like we're the same height. But then when we're next to each other, he's five one and a half, or what is he, four nine or he's just over five feet? He's four nine? No, he's five four. What is he really?

Five four. Is it 5-3? 5-3? 4-9 is such a funny height. I wish he was. You know, if that's like a, if you're a normal person and not, I don't want to. You know what I mean? Like, if that's your ailment, I'm not, you know, it's fine. But if you're a normal person who's 4-9, it's just such a crazy height to say. It's a funny number.

Just say 5 foot. No one's going to check that. I might. Pull out the tape. Well, there's like a little girl. There's like a TLC always runs these shows. There's like a woman who has a, she has a kind of, um, uh, like, like, like a pituitary gland thing where she looks like a woman, but she's perfectly little.

Do you know what I'm talking about? She's not a little person. She's not an LP. Proportions is what you're talking about. Yes, her proportions. Her proportions are fine. I don't know how to describe it. But then she's dating this guy.

She's tiny. Of course, the internet, she's dating this like six two handsome guy. And the internet is like, this guy's a pito, lock him up. And you're like, no, she's 30. You know what I mean? Like, are you talking about Shauna Ray? Shauna Rae. That's exactly who I'm talking about. I don't know why you're saying perfectly little

woman. She's just a perfectly little woman. She just looks like a tinier version of one of us. I know what you're saying. 4-9 is such a crazy height. It's crazy to be like that. That is her. You know, I think Tom Cruise is 5'3. Don't talk about the lights will go back out again. He owns this entire play.

Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox is also a really crazy short. Like, shorter than you would think. What I was going to say is that you're in better shape. than I would assume. I always think that when I see you, I'm like, he's in good shape. I don't know why I wouldn't assume you were in great shape. But since you've known me, I've always,

I've had moments of getting chubbier. When I did shows like that, like after I came off punked and starting doing my first sitcom I did, I was miserable. So I was eating like shit, drinking and eating. It was more that I was... Was that the Jim Carrey one? No, no, no.

It was the Mixology ABC show. Mixology. I tested on that. I was miserable on that show. That was such a crazy, man, those pilot seasons back then, I was just like everything. I think that's a part of it. The pressure was insane and you felt like you needed to get your fucking bit in because you were like, I'm never going to be on TV again if I don't get this thing again. And I got to show off.

Otherwise, they'll never want me back. And I, if those. So much money where it's like, it feels like network shows are an amount of money where you're just like, it's almost like an intimidating amount of money. Well, yeah. Especially they're like, you could hit the loto with us and we're going to give you the numbers to put the lotto on. So you're like, so I can win. They're like you can, but you gotta be good. You know, you have to like play their little game.

Mixology was one night, right? It was like the whole season was one night. Yeah. So crazy. So stupid. It's like the pit, but it was a comedy. It was a comedy at a bar in New York. And it was supposed to be shot in New York.

And then the guys decided they wanted to shoot in in LA. It was the guys that wrote The Hangover. The original draft of The Hangover. I remember John and Scott, which was crazy. Because I remember when they sold it to me, like when my agent was like, you gotta go out for this thing. And I read a little bit of it, and I was like, oh, this is kind of interesting. And then he was like, it's the guys that wrote The Hangover.

And I was like, wait, didn't, I thought the Hangover was written by Todd Phillips. And they're like, no, Todd directed it. And I was like, but I think it says he wrote it. And they're like, yeah, they wrote the original draft. And he took it, redid it. That happened all of time. Made it his own. Yeah.

Because I remember saying when they were like, they wrote the Hangover, I was like, no, they didn't. I don't think they did. But they did. And, you know, didn't need to do anything ever again for the rest of time. that yeah that movie must have made and then the sequels wasn't it the highest grossing comedy in history the hangover one well its budget was 35 million and its box office was 469.3 million a half a billion dollars for a comedy is not only is it unheard of for it'll never happen again we'll never we'll literally never ever see a comedy make the 50 million and not really an action

comedy either like action comedies do well well i mean the the the the the the the the Tyson stuff Like those stuff, it was not actually, but it's hard-ar comedy. Hard-R comedy, yeah. Yeah, hard-R comedy. What? The highest-grossing comedy of all time came out in, technically the highest-grossed comedy of all time came out in 2023. What was that?

I bet you can guess. 20-23? What was the biggest movie of 2023? It's two years ago. This isn't a Marvel movie, right? No, sir. No. Wait, wait, wait.

Whoa. The biggest, the highest-gross in comedy of 2023. Oh, Minions! Minions! No. Live action. Live action. Live action.

Moonlight. I don't know. Lala land. No, that was 2018 or like. I don't know what years are. 1.4 billion gross. Holy fuck. Ghostbusters.

Jumanji. You're going to feel so dumb when you hear what it is. Give it to us. Barbie. Oh, that's not. Come on. No. That's what I mean.

That was not a hard R. Number two, Deadpool, Wolverine. Number three. high mom a Chinese comedy film grossed $841 million. That's not true. That's the Chinese government said that.

That's surprising. I mean, it's not that surprising. Barbie was huge. Number nine is Hangover Part 3. So a hangover part 3 was the highest gross. Number 9. Yep. Wow.

Of all time. Bridesmaids must have to do it all. $586 million. Yeah. God, that's crazy. Yeah, those guys never have to do anything ever. But that will never happen again. Like, that is a fear of

when will comedy go back to the theater. It's kind of a bummer. Like that Keanu Reeves Seth Rogen thing, it tanked so fucking bad, and you're like... I don't even know what that is. I know. That's what's really sad. Like, it's supposed to... It's like a... He's like, Kiano's like an angel.

Oh, God. You know, whatever. But Seth, Kianu... Who else is in it? Aziz. And someone else. But what... Oh, Ziz directed it. Oh, he did? Yeah. Who would it make? I mean, that was one of those where you're like, okay, this is back to...

It was his big directorial debut or something. He never directed his show? That Master of Nunn? I think he did do his show, too. No, feature, right? Oh, yeah, well, movie. Yeah. But that's kind of the bummer about that, that I'm like, I'm begging so bad for fun comedies to try to sneak back in.

Budget was 30 mil, so far at box office is 13 mail. 13. But also, it just came out recently. It came out three weeks ago. Yeah, that's a low number. It's only the 27th. I don't know if we want to date this, but it's only been like two weeks. Well, yeah, no one goes to theaters.

Ten days. Unless it's like a huge event. Don't you go? I still go. I go, yeah, but we're not like anyone else. I know. That's also true because we're embedded in this bullshit. We're so different.

We're not like you But also this happened U.S. theater attendance used to be three times a week On average in like the 1920s so it's been going down Consistently yeah that's why AMC is like yeah Just go see whatever movie you want For free Are you an Aister? No isn't that funny? I've never joined

After all these years that's like my dad is It's got to be a scam Like my dad My dad never signed up for anything Yeah yeah but it's probably giving you way more bad You're probably getting to go Oh yeah it's incredible And they treat you like you're like a whale

it in Vegas. They're like, you go to this line. I always say I'm an A-lister. They comp you a room? They comp you a room. Would you like the AMC Sweet Smith of Rothbart? They're like, your popcorn's free? I'm like, how? They're like, no, it's just free. Is it really? Yeah. So the snacks are all free? They're just like spring these gifts

on you. They're just like, you want a free candy? I'm like, yeah. And they just give me a free candy. Because wasn't the rumor that much like gas stations, concessions are really where a lot of money is made? I mean, that's not a rumor. That's a fact. That's the only place they make money. Isn't that crazy that you're like, well, the movie was $30.

And they're like, I know, we lost on that. All goes to the studio. You're like, we lost. You lost on that? All goes to the actors. That's why actors make so much. And actually, Brad Pitt's going to get some of that popcorn. So he gets a nickel for every popcorn sold.

Yeah, no, there's nothing like seeing a comedy in the theater where you're just like. Laughing with other people. I felt that seeing one battle after another. So did that. I felt that like, that comedy juice of like when he was like, you know, hard R retard. on the phone and people just lost their shit. People in the theater clapped when Sean Penn died in the theater I was in.

Really? I've never been in a movie where people clapped when the villain died. I don't care if people haven't seen it yet. You're too late now. You should have already seen it by now. But the scene when he falls off the roof, I laughed for like full five minutes. So fucking funny.

I laughed so fucking hard. I had to like do the thing where my wife was like, stop, please. Because I kept replaying it in my head. How funny it is to see a guy fall. Yeah. And the like young kids are jumping so high. So high.

Over the thing. They're like bouncing. Yeah. It was so fucking good. It reminded me of old school comedy Pratt fall, but not hokey. It didn't feel. No. And this isn't me taking a shot, but in the way that like.

Farley Brothers. Right. I was just about to say in the in the goofy, wacky fall. This was like a real fall that felt real. But it's so funny because you're like, God, that looked real. It looked so fucking real. I was dying. I lost it.

I don't want to give too much away. I don't know if people had to see it. Because also the fall didn't cut. It was Leo when he gets up. Yeah, he really did the fall, too. Did you know that? No. No.

No, yeah. They hit a cut somewhere, but it's a really, because I just rewatched it last weekend again. It's pretty seamless. I could not see where they cut. It's seamless. Yeah, maybe a stunt person did it. I don't know. More than likely, they wouldn't throw Leo down.

It was like a 30-foot drop. I don't, I think it's half. I think some of that stunt and the other half is good camera work. Oh, yeah. He fell into a shadowy era. They definitely had a cut somewhere there. And then, that sucks. and tased is always funny. Don't tase me, bro. It's like, it returned to all the things inside of me

that makes me really laugh hard about simple, stupid. I just love movies. I know. It's just a movie. You know what I mean? It's a movie. You're like, this is a movie. I just saw a movie. I'm not just like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Because lately I have been going to see stuff and I'm like, this is boring. I know. It's so boring to say movies suck, but like movies suck. They do. So much stuff sucks. What are you making right now? Aren't you making stuff? I am trying to. What are you making? Movies. Movies suck. I want to make one. It's funny.

I had this podcast that just came out recently about my dad. It's like a doc series about my dad being a criminal. Your dad was a criminal, too? Yeah. Like what kind of criminal? So he was in the mob, and I found out he always lied to me. The basic story is he said he was John Bon Jovi's manager to me until I was like 10. Fuck you.

Really? Yeah, and then he got arrested, and I was like, what the fuck? and he was like, yeah, I do illegal shit for the mob with like gambling and loan sharking and like, he's Jewish. Did he ever work with John Bon Jovi? Never. That's the funniest thing in the world.

Just a total fucking lie. And then I started working with him in high school. Like I started like dropping shit off at places and like disposing of evidence and like doing all this crazy shit. And he died in 2007 of cancer and he made these tapes on his deathbed. He made deathbed tapes.

And saying goodbye to people? No, just like his life story. And I didn't listen to them until during the pandemic, I was like, I was like, maybe I could do like a fucking serialized podcast about like discovering who my dad was. And I listened to the tapes and it was like a bunch of shit I didn't know about him. And it like sparked this investigation in that I did this audible series. That's crazy.

Yeah. And this whole audible series is me just like learning about his crazy fucked up shit he did. And it's kind of like a comedy, true crime thing. But yeah, I'm turning that into a movie, hopefully. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have a relationship with your father or was all kind of surface? We were best friends.

Oh, we were like, yeah, he was like almost to the point where it was like beyond what a father should be, like best friends. Like he would hang out with me and my friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he died when you were 21? Six. Oh, 24. Sorry. Okay.

Yeah. And he died. Yeah, he died. And I actually gave him the, the, the, the, the, the, the set. tapes. I was like just record something and he recorded all. He admitted to like the darkest shit I've ever like sex crimes. Oh that's not good. That part's bad. Like crazy shit and then

crazy illegal shit. Maybe having other kids too and like I did it's I there's a huge twist at the end of this thing it's like it's 10 episodes but I find out something crazy I'm not going to say it but I find out something crazy about myself that I had no idea I think I know

we'll say it off screen. Yeah Micro dick. And that's where you got the microbeats found out. That's fucking... Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Is your mom ever remarry? She did. She did.

That's, oh, that, okay. She didn't know about, the craziest part of this is she didn't know about any of this. And he admitted to cheating on her their whole marriage. They were married 10 years. And she didn't know any of this shit. And I had to, it's in the doc series. Like, I had to tell her all this shit, like, and have this conversation with her. That's what a weird debate in your mind.

that you had, did you decide, like, was there a moment you're like, maybe I shouldn't tell her because why would I? Yeah, why? What's the point? Well, why did you decide to tell her all that stuff? Because she kept asking. Oh, okay. I, like, I interviewed her for the thing. It was part of it, and she just kept being, like, what it was on the tapes.

And I was like, she's going to hear it. So I had to tell her, like, at their engagement party, he got a hand job and, like, crazy shit. What do you mean? Like, a friend of theirs jerked him off at the engagement party? Yes. Like a friend? A friend. My mom's best friend.

jerked off your dad at their engagement party. In a car outside of their engagement party. True story. And he gleefully admitted this shit on these tapes. Gleefully. That's crazy. At your fucking engagement party? Holy shit.

Yeah. Also, your mom's friend. Dog. Dude. The fuck is her deal. This didn't make the series, but my mom and I decided to track. A hand job? Yuck.

Why yuck? I love hand jobs. Really? I do. You do? Yeah. You don't? No.

I really like it. It's really easy. I don't want your hand on it. What? I don't touch it. Don't touch it. It's really easy. It's like quick.

My wife likes doing it. It's so much easier. Well, your wife does that because she doesn't want to do other stuff. She's like here. Yes. Right. I'm not under the impression that's. I'm totally, maybe I'm in the minority on this, but I love hand jobs.

I've never gotten a handjob from my wife. Wow. The only time I got hand jobs when when we were like teenagers. years. Really? Yeah, at high school. Am I alone on this? Do you like hand jobs? You're alone on this? Yeah, hands jobs suck, dude. No, no, I love them. No one's better than you. At hand jobs? You're not gonna drive my car better than me, it's my car. She's good. Send her over. She's good, man. No, no, yeah, it's, you know, whatever. Hand jobs are good. So he got a hand job, and my mom and I try to track this lady down. No, that's rad. And we found her.

And we couldn't use it in the series because she never gave permission. But, yeah, we found her. She's still out there giving hand jobs. She's still out there. She's a comic. Fuck you. Swear to God. Shut up.

Swear to God. She is a comedian. Yeah. In New York? In L.A. No way! Ellen Clegghorn. It's not her.

Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. But she does, she is an actress or something? No, she just, you know those people who just are like, they go to like the ha-ha or something? and it's just like older people. Wow. And they're just like, and they write a book or something

that they say, you know, it's one of those people. I love you so much. You know, older people, you know, they fucking. You know what I'm talking about? They all self-published books.

I see three of them in my head right now. Yeah. I know exactly who you're talking. Yeah, yeah, those kind of people. I want to, off camera, you're going to tell me who it is because I'm just crazy interested. God,

that's fucking wild. Yeah, it was a wild ride. It took three years to make this thing. Was it cathartic? Like, do you feel like you got some relief from it or no? Yes. felt a little bit of weight-lifted. You know, it's funny, it's like, I don't know

if you're this way, but I feel like nothing could affect me. Like, I'm just like, I've been through so much shit. I'm like, I could learn anything about my dad and it would not affect me, and then it started affecting me, and I was just like, this is crazy. I'm a little numb to a lot of stuff, although, if it was a big enough curveball, you know, I have

a friend, did I tell this before on here, who found out at the latter years of his father's life who was fading away that he was a PDF file. And it blew it fucked him up in a way

he was talking to me about it. We hadn't seen each other a long time but it fucked him up in a way where I mean if it like changed the chemistry of his brain he almost didn't seem the same. It's like he did nothing wrong. There's like elements of that in my life.

Right where he like he just was different because it blew his mind so fucking deep that that's who that could be that he was like I don't even know Yeah Do you like get a lot of pride from Your family or your father

Are you like I'm proud of who I am Like being a Santino We don't Well my mom's remarried And my dad and I have kind of a You know Our relationship my biological For dad is like we're just

It's a guy It's we're got you know Hey I hope you're well It's good to cure from you You know like we didn't really keep close Because my parents got divorced When I was a kid And he wasn't around

So like It was hard for me. We didn't really... Like, he was... He was my father, not my dad. You know what I mean? Right. So for me, it's like, you know,

now I'm grown and, like, we keep in touch a little bit, and it's nice, but there's not that thing beneath it where it's like, remember when I took you to the ball game? It's like, we never live that life. So he's like an adult male,

and I am too now. Yeah, that's why you're scary. Yeah. The dad thing. Yeah. But my stepdad was a wonderful man who raised me. I mean, in lieu of my father not being there, he was incredible. But my stepdad and I are unbelievably different.

I like sometimes I joke with my mom. I'm like, we literally couldn't be more different guys. Yeah, I feel that about my stepdad. I've adopted some of his habits where like he was a neat freak. Like I am a neat freak. Oh, so you were really young when he came to your life. My parents split when I was one. Oh, my dad.

for. And then my dad was in jail for a big chunk of that. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. You should do an audible series. I thought about it. I'm going to find the tapes. Except my dad is like old school Chicago guy. Yeah. Mob stuff or no? You don't have to say it. Well,

no, it's, you know, the running joke was like, if you want framework of my family's history, my grandfather, his dad, till the day he'd fucking died, worked at the racetrack Oh

Put it together Yeah You're like this guy was embroiled And like the most It was like Yeah that was my dad Was at racetracks all the time They live

These people They live and die by these plays And so they all gamble And their worlds Are completely surrounded By people that are Trying to Uh

Hit the life lotto This is the people I emulated Growing up Was like my dad's friends Who were like at OTBs Do you remember OTBs? Please what do you mean We used to go to OTBs

All the time My dad and I For people I don't know off-track betting is like if there is nowhere for the, if it's a place where the weather doesn't permit, they will just bet on Florida horses all day long or wherever they are. It basically looked like a hospital where you could bet. Really?

Yeah. It was like fluorescent lights. It's so gross. Like it looked like a hospital waiting room. Right. There was just people just betting on horse races in a hospital waiting room. It's somehow sadder than casinos. Like it's because casinos at least have like some sort of vibrancy to it.

Yeah, yeah, carpet. It's just the OTBs were always Yeah so I would go to the track And he worked at the dog track The Greyhound track Yeah really tough That's crazy That goes that rabbit

That's the real fucking degenerate But as a kid Yeah I was fascinated with it Because it was like It seemed like a playland I was like this is incredible And they had boxing nights On like Mondays and like

They would have events to keep you there longer Because they wanted more people To just come back and stay Even if the dogs weren't running that time of year. But yeah, my grandfather, every one of my grandfather's friends had nicknames. It was stuff I learned as I got older.

I was like, oh, that's not normal. An Italian, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That almost became very obvious to me that I was like, does your grandpa's friends, and your dad's friends not have nicknames?

You know what I mean? Like street names? I just didn't, I thought that was totally normal. I never forget, I used to go to the back of pizzerias with my dad, and they would meet these guys

who had the biggest hands I've ever seen. They all had huge hands. I don't know why they all had the mediest fucking hands. Yeah. Like just knuckle draggers. And they would, a few of them would just hand me $50 bills. Oh yeah, cash.

I always got cash. I was just like, I was like seven. Yeah. And they were just be like, you want a 50? I was like, yeah, I'll take a 50. One of them handed me a Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie card just was like, you want this? Yeah.

I was like, why does he have this on him? They're endearing themselves to the community. It's so crazy. Getting cash was always very strange. People that would give you cash as a kid was always like a, because that's the only people that had that kind of cash on them at all time because they're their own bank

they're not depositing money into a fucking checking account. Dude, my dad didn't have a checking account his whole life. This is what I'm saying. I knew how much money because he kept it, he had this like headboard where you keep stuff on it and he would have just a stack of money and that was his money. I thought he was rich because I was like the stack was like this big.

My dad's a billionaire. And I was just like, who has money that much? Probably like 10 grand. But I was like, that's all the money he has in the world. But it was like 10 grand in like 20s. Yeah. And I was just like, he's the richest man on art. Did you ever pinch or no?

No, never. No. You were scared of your dad? No, he would give me money if I asked. Okay, I didn't have to. Right. If you were like, I want $100 for this thing. He also would like, like, OCD level count it all the time.

He loved money. He loved counting money. He just would count it all the time. You're not that. You don't love money like that. No. I'm scared of not having money, but I don't love, like, when I have a lot of money, I'm not like, oh, yeah, this is great.

It almost gives me more anxiety. Like when I'm really flush, I have, like, I'm more anxious than when I'm not. Yeah, I think that's a healthy way to live. I think that's a healthy feeling. Because if you become someone that, like, gets money and then you go, they can't touch me now. Yeah. Then it's like the world will fall on your fucking head.

But the gross part about money is when people start making substantial sums of money, for some reason, I wonder what the psychology is. Like the very, very wealthy people in the United States, the more money their families acquire, it's almost as if the more selfish they get or the more insulated they get. Oh, yeah, because everybody wants it. But so I want to know what the... You know what that old... That was that old thing on the Internet that was like,

at a certain level of money doesn't determine any more happiness. You remember this old thing that it was like... If you make an X amount of money a year, right, I think it's a bullshit. Well, because if your lifestyle doesn't change with the amount of money, right. Like, that's the thing. It's like, if you keep the same lifestyle, but you just make more money, you're just like, yeah, it's just in an account.

Right. But the more money you make, the more you spend and you're like, yeah. But I wonder what this... I would rather hear a study about what is the level of money that people achieve, like a CEO or like a company owner, where they begin to give less and do, they do less for other people and give less. Because I do feel like young money people start to really do give more. Like, there's more philanthropy that's given at a certain level of new money where they are very generous. And then there's like a weird cutoff. I think there's a point, and I've never been this rich, but I think there's a point where.

every need is taken care of. You're like, I bought the houses I want. I bought everything. My kids, kids, kids are taken care of. And then money becomes a game, like a number game where you're like, I just want more than other people. And that's where I think it happens. Because you're like, it's all

taken care of, but now my goal is to be like I have more than that fucking billionaire. Or it's an even smaller game like Warren Buffett, that weirdo fucking game he plays where if the stock market is up, it doesn't matter if it's, it doesn't matter number of how much up but if it's up he gets a he gets a what is it called at mcdonald's he gets the sausage egg mc muffin if the stock market is down he gets just the egg mcmuffin without the

sausage isn't that disgusting that's great that's let that's how manipulative money isn't because it doesn't matter the the price of anything means nothing he just thinks that's like a that is like a financial jinx did you grow up without money or with money no we had we so when i was a kid kid when my mom was a single mother, you know, she was paycheck to paycheck, right? Like she was just kind of going to get by. And then when she met my dad,

he's a salesman who had a good job, who, who like did very well and took care of us very well. So when we were young, it was a really hard struggle for my mom. Something I only learned when I got older that she really struggled. She would, you know,

it was really much harder than I ever knew as a kid she was good at hiding in. Right. And then my step, stepdad worked in sales and did well, you know, was never like, my parents were always afraid of everything, like, we're not going to, this could all go, you know, so we never were like flush, rich, we never took a ton of fancy vacations, nothing like that, but he always had a good job and did well enough. And my mom, they both worked my whole life. They both just retired like five years

ago. Like they were, my mom never, never not worked. I only knew her as someone that worked. So we were fine. We were always well and fine, except when I was, kid, I think I had no idea that my mom was struggling pretty bad. I didn't know. I mean, when you grew up with that, like, fear of money and your parents, it seeps into you. Oh, yeah. Like, it really, you start to, not even consciously. You're just like, I've been scared about running out of money my whole life. Like, being homeless. Because of them. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. Forever. What? I was just say, Warren Buffett actually orders the more expensive bacon, egg and cheese biscuit when the market is up. And then he has the sausage McMuffin'

So it's the fancy biscuit when markets high. Yeah. But this is such... I kind of like that less. But it's, yeah, me too. Than what you said. Yeah, I thought my... I thought to what, yeah.

Yours is way more fun. Yeah, fuck that other thing. Mine's better. But that is, that is a disgusting manipulation of like, because he's so full with money that you're like, oh, then this is... It's a joke. It's a joke. That's gross.

Yeah, that's what's gross. He has $147 billion. He doesn't. Berkscher Hathaway does. I also like the, like, I like, I like, I like, he's a joke. like Jay Leno. Have you ever met that guy? I met him for the first time not too long ago and it was so

brief that I, it was almost like I didn't need him. Great guy. I don't want to talk shit about Jay Leno, but his whole thing about like never spending his Tonight Show money. Do you know about that? Yeah, I've heard this. That pisses me off to you. I don't even know if that's real. Does that sound like bullshit? I don't know. That sounds like one of those fucking, you know, Urban Legends. Yeah. That he says

he's only spent money that he made on the Tonight Show. That's crazy. I mean, I'm sorry, on stand-up. Yeah. He never spent tonight show money. Meanwhile, Conan's like, I spent all that money I'm in that I mean. I've spent every dollar I've ever made. Well, that's what you're so put. That's what it's there for. Really?

Yeah. That's not the right out is you? No, spend it, dude. You're going to die. You know, it's almost like when I finally, this is such a dumb, I'm such a dumb person. When I finally learned that with credit, like, let's say you, let's say you acquire,

you accrue thousands of dollars of debt, tens of thousands of, and you die with 80 grand in debt and credit card debt. it goes away. Dude, it's the coolest thing in the world! I'll want up you with that. I got it,

when my dad was getting sick, this was like, I was like early 20s, I got into crazy credit card debt because I was just like, I was doing stand up, you know, I wasn't working really.

Right. I just got credit card, credit card, what's the highest you had? What was the highest debt you had? I mean, for a kid in his 20s, I had like 20 grand probably.

That's a fuckload of money. Which was a lot. And, you know, I was just like, I'm not going to pay this. You weren't scared at all. I was just like, What am I gonna do? I'm not gonna pay this. I'm actually what are they gonna do? I'm gonna do

I'm gonna yeah I'm going I'm doing the fucking like you know the bar down the street open mic like what am I gonna do? I stopped and I think I was just like on the fringes of society enough for them not to find me and then seven years later is gone and I found out that there's a seven year statute of limitation on most credit card debt that if you don't pay it for seven years it's off your record Fuck you gone but if they get you in the meantime then you're fucked they could garnish wages or something, but I just never had wages. So I was just like making, you know, I was touring, doing standard. There are no wages to be gone. But if you could avoid it for seven years, and then I like checked my credit like 10 years later,

I was like, it was great. And I was like, how? I just was like scared to check my credit for the rest of my life. Do not do this people at home, but this could. Why not? All right, do it. Yeah. No one pays their student loans.

I know, but I'm afraid now it's going to be like people are going to try it. And then someone's going to go to jail. I'm like, thanks a lot, Barry Rothbard. I don't know if this, I'm not a lawyer, but it did happen to me. It happened to you. It happened to me. It says while the unpaid credit card debt falls off your credit report after seven years, the debt itself does not disappear.

This distinction is critical because it affects your creditor's ability to sue you and continue to impact your financial life in other ways. Well, let me tell you something. Gone. Come get them. Come get them. Here I am. Here I am fleet bank.

You still around? Well, that's probably what it is. The bank folded. They were like, fuck it. We can't do it. That happened with one of my student loans. The bank folded and they were like, yeah, you're fine. Fuck it.

I just like, yeah, private student loan just sent me a letter last year. and they were like, you're probably. That's another. I stopped paying a student loan at some point, too. And my dad was lucky. I was very lucky my dad told me, he was like, you will not have a credit card in college. Do you understand me?

That's great. And he instilled this insane amount of fear in me. Yeah. And he was like, if you do, I will never help you ever again with anything. Like, I won't even give you a dollar. And I was like, oh, my God. So then my money that I made in college was my money,

and that's what I had to operate with, unless I was really low. If I was crazy bad broke, you know, in college my dad would be like, all right, I'll give you a little bit, I'll give you a couple hundred bucks,

but you got to figure out the rest. And I think it was good for me, but it was painful because a lot of my friends did more shit than I did. So it sucked a little bit because I did never had a credit card. And my senior year,

they had some dickhead on campus, you know, doing like, you know, some like, you know, 28-year-old kid, it's like, dude, you want to apply for a credit card? You get a free, but-a-bba-b-b-b-bba-ba-ba.

And I was like, I wanted it. You're like, it's free money. It's free money. I wanted to do it so fucking bad. But my dad scared the shit out of me because he's like... Are you still that way? In the sense of like... Scared of debt?

Well, I don't have a... Yeah, I paid everything off all the time. I don't want them to come get me. And also, I don't even have a... I don't have a debit card. Like, I don't have a debit card. You just pay cash. Everything. It's either my credit card, which is paid off automatically or... I was doing that. Or cash. I just don't... I have this like eternal... fear of like being flippant about stuff or losing track only because like you heard those stories about people that like lost track and they're like when when you when you're like what

do you mean James Brown's broke do you don't I mean you're like what do you mean they're like he's broke you're like James Brown? He trusted some Jew right you're like James Brown the guy he made like a hundred million dollars in a single year he has no money yeah so that fear of like the first time I ever got a TV show I was like I'm gonna save every single fucking die I just like to know every I do my own books Like I don't have my business manager Accountant do my books

I do literally every month Do you have a business manager But you still do it Yes brilliant An accountant Same thing Yeah yeah I don't I want to do my book

I want to know You don't trust I want to feel how much money I have You know what I mean? Like I do this thing I don't know if a lot of people do this But I like I'm constantly adding up

How many months I have left Until I'm broke That's great You know what I mean Like I'm so scared having a kid too it makes you more scared of everything. I was gonna say that probably scares you the hardest. Yeah because I'm like you know they need for her. Yeah yeah I don't need for me always always you don't need for you no you need for that yeah that machine needs a thing. Yeah yeah yeah that's so it's great that's probably the that probably the thing it keeps you moving if you never had that kid you'd be dead dude dude dude dude dude dude. Dude the amount of fucking money I wasted it's crazy could have gone to the kid could have gone to the kid. Yeah up of course I could have daddy how come I'm hungry daddy wanted shoes? Daddy wanted Nike's

And you just don't understand that I have a lot of Nike's Is that where I sleep in the shoe closet That's where you get to sleep kiddo Because daddy wanted to waste money And that's how we live No I think most Americans Have like that ticking time bomb

Or they get to a place when they're like I don't give a fuck fuck you What do you mean? Like they just don't care Because they know that they're financially In a bad place So they just are like What are you gonna do?

Who cares? Fuck you That must be great right. Well, maybe. I don't know. I feel like, yeah, there's a fear all the time. But the thing is like I try to, you know how some people who are rich, they're like, I don't want my kids to know how rich

I am. Yeah, so stupid. They're like, they're going to be middle class, but secretly I'm not. I'm the opposite. I'm like, I have no money, but I want her to think. Her to think you're rich. That's actually brilliant. Yeah, yeah. But that whole idea of like, we have friends that have kids that they try to like,

they're like, we don't let them, we try to like keep them humble or whatever. Yeah, but it's like, you fly first class. Yeah, what are you talking about? That's always the thing, man. Your kids are with you in all of the wealthy things that you normally do. Every rich person I know, they're like, yeah, I don't want my kids to know, but like, we always fly first class. I'm like, I'm not going to sit in fucking economy.

Yeah. Once you can fly first class, there's no one on earth who doesn't want to fly first class. Right. Nobody goes, we'll go back. Yeah. No, we'll go. I don't love my kids that much. I saw a kid at, I saw a kid at fucking, we went, I took my, one of my childhood best friends came into town and I was like, oh, I don't take you to Nobu, Malibu,

on the beach. I was like, I haven't been in a long time, and I go, this would be fucking amazing. It's a good night for all of us. So I make a reservation, we go out there, and we're waiting for a table that's just not happening. They're like, we only had two people on the list. I was like, no, it's for four of us. It's two couples. They were like, well, you're going to have

to wait a while because there's no tables. Then I look over to my right. I told them about mixology. I told them about mix. I said, do you know me from punk? I look over to my right, and sitting at a beach chair, eating sushi is no shit a six-year-old girl and her And I was like, this is the world that Los Angeles has that people are like, what are you talking about?

That kid is eating the most expensive sushi in LA. It's six. And she's just kind of like on her iPad and her mom's chatting with some other girl having martini's. And I was like, this is the world that L.A.'s created where wealthy people just kind of don't, at some point they don't give a fuck. They're like, whatever, she's got to come with me. She's got to indulge in the way that I, this is how we live. I'm not going to stop doing this. I know.

It is what it is. It's funny to watch, though. You're like, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Like, we didn't. I don't think we, like, going out to dinner, when I see young people at a nice restaurant now, I'm like, I don't remember going out to a nice restaurant when I was a kid. We wanted to a regular restaurant.

I remember thinking Chili's was the nicest restaurant that existed. It was at one point. I legitimately was like, we're going to chill. Like, how can you afford that? When they, when they, I think, like. Tony Romas actually was the nicest. Tony Romas is very nice. Does that still exist?

Did you go to Tony Romas? Yeah. I think they're gone. Super Rosa was good Italian. Do you know that? Superosa, they're all gone too. Bucca to Beppo? I mean, good Christ.

What are you, a billionaire? My God. Tony Romas is still around. They are. Great ribs. God bless TNR. Yeah, those higher-end chains or whatever, those were the fanciest thing in the world.

I still, like, if Ruth's Chris seems like the most expensive meal you could have. Yeah, it's not. It's not, yeah. Yeah. But for steak, you were like, who goes here? Who goes there? CEOs? is this only for CEOs

yeah we never really had that my parents were never into like like my sister now loves fancy restaurants and she suckers my parents into going half of the time right but my dad still prefers the other stuff buy a landslide of course we get my dad every year the same gift a hundred dollar gift card

to the olive garden every year for Christmas really he's yeah every year and he's dollars goes a long way there yeah it's last the literally the entire year I'm not kidding it's Christmas to Christmas he starts to run out around November and then And he lets us know.

He's like, you got to top off that card, man, because I got to go back. I need it, man. The possible ended. This is like an unbelievable truth about my dad. He is upset, and he likes to go alone. Doesn't need to go with anybody. Goes alone. Sits in his little booth.

We would go to the Olive Garden on very special occasions, like a graduation or something. And my mom would always be like, get the never-ending pole. Do you know they do that? Like, as if it's like a hack that she discovered? She's like, no, no, it never ends. There's a loophole. Like, you get as much pot. I was like, I don't want that much positive.

You need to. No, you're like, it never ends. Or what was the hometown buffet? Country, country, old country buffet? Old country buffet. Old country buffet, OCB. We'd go to those in high school because that we feel like we crack. It's so funny that you do feel like you crack the system.

You're like, I'm going to eat fucking nine different kinds of food. Are they aware that I'm doing it? I went to the best buffet I've ever been. Are you a big buffet guy? I haven't been to one in years. Where is a buffet? You're not a big eater, right? I love food.

I have to like... I make my nutritionist makes my meals. pills now. So I don't, no, I'm kidding. How funny. If I only take a pill away. You're like that guy, who's trying to stay alive forever? You see that time? Yeah. Oh, well, he asked to be on the show. He was his

fucking name? He's like, I'm biologically. It was like Bobby Johnson. Ryan Johnson. Brian Johnson. Brian Johnson. Yeah, Brian Johnson. He's like, I'm four years younger than my actual age. You're like, who fucking gives a shit? That's insane. Who fucking cares? Yeah, but I look like powder from that movie. You know, like, I look so

strange. I am Michael Stipe. I am Michael Stipe. I am, I I look like I'm actively dying, but I'm not. I love buffets, yeah. I went to the Bacchanal. My brother took me. We were in Vegas. Yeah.

That's the one. That's like the one. It is, I've never been to anything like that. They say that's like the nicest one, isn't it? I guess. I don't know. I just am like, and I do it right, man. I just get like a tiny bit of everything.

That's my buffet strategy. What's your perfect buffet plate? General Sous, banana foster cake, lasagna, and, uh, sushi. And sushi. And sushi. See, for me, it's pasta pizza meat of some kind. You get pasta and pizza at a buffet? Yeah, I have to. You're throwing your money away. I put the pasta. You're throwing your money away, though. I wrap the pizza and pasta. That's a terrible idea. I know. But if I go there, I know I'm going to go deep. I'm going to go hard. So that's my first plate is a little tour of Italy. My second plate's usually sushi because I can settle on. That's easy. You do the whole king crab legs plate? I can't do the crab legs. Yeah. I don't know what it is.

I just People go nuts For King Crabbe legs At the face People go crazy I'm gonna say it What? Black people love it

It That was the red lobster thing Red Lobster did They stay at afloat because of black people 100% Yeah yeah You know I've never been to a red lobster I've never been to a red lobster

I've never been to Long John Silvers Not once It's bad in a way where you're just like This could I might need to go see a doctor after I had this. It's so bad. Yeah.

Yeah. It just, I don't, and I've always said this, people have argued with me. I say it's fast food seafood. They're like, that's not fast food. It's casual dining seafood.

But I still, but it still feels like fast food seafood to me. Yeah, yeah. I know it's not, but it does feel that way. Like frozen shrimp, when you can taste the water, like it tastes like water.

Do you know what I mean? Like frozen drip tastes like water. It just gives me a feeling. It creeps me out in my soul. I don't know why. It fucks me up. I've made big mistakes of red lobster. I mean, the cheddar bay biscuits are great

But I've gotten like oysters Like I was like stupid I was like what am I doing For a bacterial infection Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing That's crazy Yeah, it's stupid But oddly enough those are probably healthier than

Some fancy restaurant That uses a technique That's supposed to taste more organic or something But that probably has way worse shit in it They probably spray bleach their oysters You're not getting sick They got a fucking spray bottle With fucking bleach

You're never getting sick Like spraying lysol Right They're probably clean cleaning it by hand with soap and water. They're like, put these oysters right back in the shell. My dad used to go to, he loved Arthur Treacher's. Do you know what that was a thing?

No. Arthur Treacher? Arthur Treacher's is like a lower end Long John Silver's. No chance. That only exists in like truck stops and shit. Okay. I used have a joke that like every time we went to an Arthur Treachers, they were surprised we were ordering from them. Like they were like, it is the lowest quality fish place.

Arthur Treacher, can I see a photo of what it looks like? Arthur Treacher's? Arthur Treachers was his place. And your father loved this. Loved it. You just get fried fucking whatever. Who even knows? Yeah, there it is. Arthur Treachers. Never in my life. This has got to be a New York thing.

No. It was everywhere. Really? Pretty sure, yeah. Truck stops all across the country. Have you heard of this, Minnesota Boy? No. No. But I love the British flag on the outside. Did you have Roy Rogers growing up? I know of it, but I never had it. I saw it. Roy Rogers is slated in the category of

of Cracker Barrel to me. It kind of had that same cowboy yeah what was it and not Don Johnson what was the other Howard Johnson Howard Hotels Hotels? Oh Joe What was it called? There was like a Not Don John there was like another in that

Tim Hortons. No we didn't have those Timmy Orton's Hey yeah we had we see you had those in New York We never had those no we didn't have those we had one in like Penn Station or something Right but we never then I never heard of that until I went to Canada What was it called? But it had that Cracker Bear feel it was almost like a southern But we never went to those either My parents were very, it was like, we went to one or two local spots, and that was it.

They never really went out. My dad loved diners. I still love diners. I still love diners. I love diners. But they're dead. Yeah, they're dying. Like Cafe 101 closed down years ago.

No, they reopened a new one there. What is it? Is it a diner? It's another diner. Oh, it's the same thing? Same thing. Yeah. But is it good?

It's good. Yeah, it's diner. I don't know. I like diners. I like diners if they're authentically, like it's kind of shit, which makes it good. But when they try to do, like, good food at a diner, then I get bothered. Fred's? What do you do? What is that? Yeah.

That's a restaurant. Yeah, you're trying to be a restaurant. It's a fake. It's like $20 for a burger. I don't know. The fuck are we talking about? That's crazy. Okay, real price. If you and I open a diner, all right? I'm down. Let's do it, dude. I'm fucking down. Let's do it. Yeah. What would, let's be honest about our prices. What is a cheeseburger at our diner? Topps, 10. That's what I would say eight bucks is probably right around.

there. Eight to ten bucks. Yeah, you gotta get a greasy. Like, you want to... My wife, she messes up. She always goes to diners and orders the things that aren't in their wheelhouse. Right. Like, she'll get like the Shukha at a diner or something.

It's like, no, no, no, don't get the tuna belt. Don't stray. Yeah. Get the old school. Get the thing that they can make in lightning time. Yeah, yeah. They can make it so fucking fast. It's done when you order it.

She overthinks it constantly. Yeah, like lasagna at a diner and shit. Insane. That's fucking nuts. No, you get the thing where you know. know the moment she types it in it's in the window it's like fucking the moment it's like dude dude they're like yeah water up yeah that's what you wanted a soup soup diner soup is always pretty good i love diner's my problem is um sometimes diners they do soups that are for their

clientele which is you old people yeah so they'll do like a split pee split pee and it's fucking no one's eating that shit no one wants that white palace grill in chicago white palace Love that spot. Yeah, and they should change that fucking name, by the way. Because that's not cool anymore. It's not a white palace. No kings. No kings. No kings. No kings. No kings. No kings at White Palace.

By the way, the no kings protest has now been like a weekly thing in the valley here at in Studio City. They protest on the corner out front of the CVS. And it's kind of cute because it's a bunch of old people. There isn't one person under 60, not fucking one. And they sit there and they have. there's the no king sign and this is every weekend and uh

they get the honks you know honk they hop people honk you know honk but then I thought like you do see these elderly people like they honk they all get scared when someone does honk they want them to honk but they all do jump a little bit it's so funny to watch I'm like it's because it says like honk so they'll be they'll walk across the intersection

and then and you'll see them all kind of jump a little bit it's the funniest shit I was dying laughing watching it I was like one dying laughing watching it I was like one dies. I was like, just don't make them honk. Don't make them honk. Just hold up the sign and enjoy the fucking protest. I mean, I'm not, you know, I just the name, no kings.

It's awful. It's just lame. It's a lame fucking, yeah. It should be, uh, no kings. No kings is whack. It feels like England. I feel like that's a thing for British rule. No king, no kings.

No kings. No kings. No kings. No kings. No kings. Come on. No kings. Come on.

I don't know why it sounds like that to me. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What? How much? Oh, no, no, no, no, thank you. Barry, I love you. I love you so much, man, I miss you. Maybe one of the funniest people I've known for, I would say we've known each other for,

I would like to say it's got to be 17 or 18 years now. 2010. Wow. Fuck, that's insane. Yeah. Punt. That's gross. It's crazy, right?

We'll get old. Yeah. I don't feel old. I do. I look old, I think. Well, we both look our age. I think I see that more and more now when I, like, when I, if I'm out somewhere and I see, like, teenagers, I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, I can, you can, I can physically, I can see the way that they look at me.

Some reason I'm, like, mad that more comics keep coming? Yeah. Yeah. I thought it would stop. I thought that would be it. You thought we would close the door? Yeah, and it's, like, 20-year-old comics now? Yeah, oh, yeah.

And they're cruising, baby. Oh. But when I see young people, I do know that they look at me the way that I looked at. When I was 24 in comedy and the way I looked at the 40-something-year-old comic, I know how they look at us. Of course. It hurts a little bit. Yeah. When they go, like, oh, hey, what's up?

I'm like, oh, fuck. They hate us, dude. They're like, old fucking, do you see Barry's fucking pants? Meanwhile, we're like, I hope they see my set, so they take me on the road. That was always the thing. I remember reading Judy Carter's comedy Bible when I got into stand-up, and one of her pieces of advice was hand a tape to headliners whenever you see them. Oh, yeah. And to be like, you want to take me on the road?

But people did that back in the day. I know. People did, though. And guys that, and by the way, the guys that did that did get road work. I guess. No, no, but they may not have become, they may not have become a headliner. But I do remember guys that were so good at playing the game, and I was very jealous because I was so scared of, I didn't know how to do that. you know I never opened for a headliner

no one ever took me out me neither I was always scared to ask but you were in cities you didn't need to I know but I was so but I would love to have gone and gotten the experience because I had to go get it the only times I got it was if Irvine Improv or one of these was like hey come host you know if somebody from the Improv up here sent me down

right same thing with Loyola Comedy Store or something they would send me down with a headliner you could go down they need somebody and I guess you can go. It was that kind of. It was never like, the headliner wasn't like, you want to come with me? I mean, what people don't realize is that you just got to be a good hang. That's what headliners want. They want to hang out with someone. I'm scared of even, I was so scared of even asking people. I was so nervous about being like... Who do you take now?

Right now, I'm taking a young man named Devontre Coleman. Do you know him? No. Oh, he's fucking fantastically funny. Cool. But I've taken in the past, Zach Townsend went maybe for a while. Laura Peek, um, Ali McCofsky before that, Chris O'Connor. Um, but yeah, I'm, I can, I can, I can, I trying to change it up and take new people. But Devontre's with me now. You know him. He's brilliant. He's so fucking good. Well, if you want, I'll hand you a tape. You can check out my set.

Yeah, I think, do we still take tapes? All right. I hand you a VHS. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. Barry, we end the show the same way. Thank you. Do you want to plug anything more now? Do you want to plug something now? My Audible series. Plug the Audible series.

Searching for Alan Rothbart. It's on Audible. I love the name. It's one of the coolest things I've ever done. Maybe the coolest. Searching for Alan Rothbard is on Audible now. We'll put the link in the description down below so you guys can go. It's amazing to see you and I love you. I'd like to see you more.

You're not far. Pasadena is not far. You're Burbank, right? Yeah. I mean, so as far as they know. We end the show the same way. Look at that camera. Say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Pussy.

We pour whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Stirty and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You only $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.