Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Bobby Lee

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

Andrew interview veteran comedian and actor Bobby Lee (Love, MADtv, Tiger Belly, Splitting Up Together). They reminisce what Bobby Lee was willing to do for drugs, as well as stories that introduced Bobby into the dark side of Hollywood. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilistic. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. The ginger gene is a curse Gingers are beautiful You owe me $5 for the whiskey And $75 for the horse

Gingers are hell no This whiskey is excellent Ginger I like gingers Welcome to Whiskey Ginger I'm Andrew Santino My guest Bobby Lee Hey man

Really good to be here man I really am appreciative You're appreciative? Yeah To be here Robert I really am happy that you're here. Dude, let me say something right now, dude.

Every time you call or text, no matter what it is, I always say yes. But you don't text back. Yes, I do. And I always say yes to you. You do. You've always said yes to me. Yeah. I love you.

I went to your shitty birthday party at the fucking bowling alley. Whoa. Was it shitty? Well, there was only three people there. I don't have a lot of fucking friends. Who was there? You? You. Adam Ray? No, Adam of fucking friends. Who was there? You? Adam Ray?

No, Adam wasn't there. Who was there? Who was there? Your beautiful wife. But who was there comic-wise? I didn't have a lot of comedians. I don't have a lot of comedian friends. Yeah, but I went.

Did I bowl? I don't think I even bowled. You didn't bowl. I just said hi. You didn't bowl. They didn't have shoes small enough. Little Asian-bound feet. That's what they said at the front desk.

I said, do you have a size two? Yeah. They didn't have it. They didn't have it? No, but you know what? I did. You know, you think you're making a joke. Stop kissing the microphone. Don't do that.

Don't do that. Bobby, you know, you think you're making a joke, but you know how appreciative I was that you came to my birthday because I said, I swear to God, I said, I bet you he won't come. Because I know you're a busy guy. That's not a shot. I'm a flake. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because I know you're a busy guy. That's not a shot. I'm a flake. No, no, no, no, no.

Is that what you're alluding to? I'm not taking a shot. I was just saying you're a busy dude and I figured you just have other stuff to do. Now, you've seen my penis as of late, correct? I saw your penis three nights ago. You showed me your penis. How is he doing? Your penis?

Yeah. Just visually. I know you're not a doctor. Do you want me to be honest? Yeah. How is he doing? It actually looks bigger now than it used to. Thank you.

And is it maybe because that you're losing a little bit of weight? No, I'm not losing. Do you think it's because you lose weight and then your penis looks bigger? No, I've been exercising it. You've been exercising your dick? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. What dick exercises have you been doing?

I've been just doing like massage. I stretch it. What is with Asians a massage? We love it. Yeah? We massage everything. You massage everything? Yeah. We massage everything yeah You massage everything Yeah we massage

Is that part of yours You know how like in America We have to go to like take Spanish class Do you have to take massage school When you go to like in regular schooling for you? We do massage school Violin Science

All that stuff Is that That's Yeah yeah That's all the entry level stuff Yeah Yeah No listen I did see your penis in the parking lot

In fact But what's the shade You're dancing on getting You're dancing on getting in a sexual assault charge because you mooned the door girl at the store, and then you showed your dick to me and Adam Eget as a good bit. It was hilarious. It worked.

It landed hard. Yeah, it landed hard. And then she saw your ass and your sack, and I'm telling you, you could get me too'd for that. I know. So I know I'm riding the line here, right? But can I also- You're riding the line? Yeah, I'm riding the line. You're on the other side. No, i'm i know i'm riding the line here right but can i also riding the line yeah i'm riding you're on the other side no i'm not i'm riding the line you showed her your butthole i didn't purposely show my butthole it doesn't matter if it's on purpose

let me just say this right if i'm in a car accident right and i'm in flames yeah and my and and and the flames burn my clothing yeah and i run out naked out naked. Hit me. I'm in the frame. I'm in frame. Like, you know, that Vietnam photo of that little girl running in the street. You know that one?

Oh, God. What if I just, I come out of the car like that, right? Yeah. Is that sexual assault? Oh, my God. Are you trying to relate a person who's on fire

from an accident to you showing your butthole to a girl working at a nightclub? Yeah, because... You think these two things have girl working at a nightclub? Yeah, because... You think these two things have anything to do with one another? Yeah, because my intention isn't to expose my butthole to the girl.

She just happened to be in line, eye view of it. This is like, you know what this is? A sexual predator who shows his penis to little kids and goes, I was just showing my penis to the world. It happened to be a kid nearby that saw my penis.

That's not true. That's the same kind of logic. It's not the kind of logic. I'm just telling you, you could, hey, listen, in college,

I got two urinating in public tickets, two of them. Yeah. And on the second one, I'm not kidding, the judge said, I could hit you with, what is it?

Like public indecency. Yeah. I would have to file as a sex offender. That's a real thing that you have to do. When I was on MADtv, we had an actress that we hired, her first day, she was a regular on the show, but I didn That you have to do When I was on MADtv We had an actress That we hired Her first day

She was a regular on the show But I didn't know who she was What was her name? Krista Flanagan You were sick Kalista Flockhart Yeah Kalista Flockhart Kalista Flanagan was there

Krista Flanagan Krista Flanagan First day of work I don't know who she is I didn't hear that We hired a new girl She was sitting on the couch Eating yogurt

Oh boy I grabbed the back of her head no yes and i farted in her mouth and she started to cry yeah yeah no shit and i had to get a lawyer what they she sued you i had to get a lawyer you don't want to tell any other details do you all right i had to go to some some offices i'll tell you that right you gotta go to hr but can i just say this yeah did papa get out of it yeah you did let me ask you something right now did papa get out of it yeah you did he did this is a different climate bobby what's happening right now is not i pooed i pooed you pooed in somebody's office floor an executive producer of a show When you're on MADtv?

Yeah You pooped in an EP's office? Right by his desk Not in a toilet On the floor A big swirler How did you poop and not pee? Did you pee as well?

I peed a little bit, yeah Yeah, you have to And there was some Tums there too You pooped on the Tums? I don't understand Yeah, I stuck Tums in my butt You put Tums in your ass Pooped on a guy's floor

Was this a good buddy of yours? He's the executive producer He's my boss Okay, I stuck Tums in my butt. You put Tums in your ass, pooped on a guy's floor. Was this a good buddy of yours? He's the executive producer. He's my boss. Okay, I understand. Were you friends? Not really. Why did you do that? To show him.

To show him that you- You know how you mark as a dog? That was you marking your territory? Well, he's letting him know. Letting him know, hey, man, I'm an actor on the show. They can easily be fired and replaced. Papa's around. Papa's around.

Can I just say this? Did I get in trouble? No, I got out of it. That's how good you were back then. I think I can get out of it now. Nope. There's no way you could get out of something like that today. So what you're saying to me now, Santino, is that door girl is going to press charges.

She could. She could. Which one was it? I don't know which one it was. Yeah. She was the heavier one. The heavier one. Oh, boy.

What? They're both heavy, right? She could sue. Then I get in trouble for that. She'll sue. Let me say something right now, okay? In this climate that we live in, we can't... Listen, we can't...

This is not Nazi Germany, friend. It's not? It's not. Okay. I refuse to believe that. I believe that I live in the United States of fucking America. Hell yeah. I was born in San Diego.

Hell yeah. I have rights and I've never harmed anyone sexually. I have rights is such a white thing to say. I have rights. I do have rights. I know. Okay. And I haven't harmed anyone sexually.

Maybe back then I would have gotten in a lot of trouble if I did it now. I think farting on someone's head is probably sexual harm. It is harm. And if I did it now, especially on a show, I would get fired. In fact. I'm just saying, you showing your butthole to someone unsuspecting? Yeah. Not chill.

And I'll never do it again, though. I loved it. I want you to do it again. I'm not doing it again. You want me to get in trouble. I'm going to say this, too. No, you've done it enough where at this point I don never do it again though I loved it I want you to do it again I'm not doing it again You want me to get in trouble I'm gonna say this too No you've done it enough Where at this point

I don't think it matters I think it's part of your repertoire So If someone says Has Bobby shown you their penis Shown you his penis Has Bobby shown you his penis What percentage of people

At the comedy store would say yes I don't know maybe To be honest with you Yes 40 50 50 You think half the people

Have seen your penis? Maybe. Who's cool with it, do you think? All of them. Yeah. I agree. I've seen your penis. It makes me laugh every time.

But you are right. I have to be more sensitive about it. And I don't show women it. I've never shown a woman it. Your girlfriend's never even seen it. No, she's never even seen it. No. But listen, I think it's part of who you are to show

your penis it's not it's wrong and i want to say this right look at me if you i'm looking if you had i can't see look open your eyes that's so racist what you're doing no no you were closing your eyes no they're not they're open you were closing your eyes bobby yeah if you had a like a normal like oh not normal i shouldn't say normal that's mean if you had like nice penis, you'd get busted. But because you have a fun little twizzler, you have a little Tootsie Roll penis, I think people laugh. It's fun. Okay, so I want to say this. Birdcrusher takes his shirt off because he's fat and he thinks that's funny.

If he was in shape, it wouldn't be funny. You show your penis because it's not fully he thinks that's funny. If he was in shape, it wouldn't be funny. You show your penis because it's not fully developed. It's not even cute. It's kind of weird looking. Did it get damaged? It looks like a sick alien. Like when E.T. was in the river and he was sick.

That's what it looks like. Like a dying alien in a river. I don't care. It kind of works. The pee comes out perfectly okay. It kind of works sexually. It works sexually as well. Totally.

Well, that's fine. And I'm going to say this too, okay? Did your girlfriend ever say anything when she first saw it? Was she ever like, this is... They always giggle. They giggle. They always giggle the first time. So you're just good at everything else?

No, I'm not even good at anything else. Really? Yeah, I've always gotten pretty hot chicks too. So what do chicks like you, do you think? Because you're just good at everything else. No, I'm not even good at anything else. Really? Yeah, I've always gotten pretty hot chicks, though. So what do chicks like to you, do you think? Because you're funny and cool? Yeah, you get other benefits with me. Right, let's hear what they are. Oh, Hawaii?

You like Hawaii? I love Hawaii. Well, then suck it. You know? Yeah. You want to go to Tulum? Yeah, I love Tulum. You like wanna go to Tulum Yeah I love Tulum You like nice hotels at Tulum

I love it And every meal paid for Yeah Eat my butt And they go They have to decide You know what I mean They have a little scale

Yeah I guess that's worth it Yeah yeah But I would say this If I was a girl I'd be more into Getting with a guy With your penis size

Than a full size penis Cause it's kinda be annoying Sucking a girl, I'd be more into getting with a guy with your penis size than a full-size penis because it's kind of be annoying. Sucking a big penis has to be annoying and sucking your penis has to be fine. It's so fine. It's just like a little – It's like boba. Yeah, a little boba. Like boba in your boba? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have little boba. Do you have little boba balls too? Oh, my God. They're nonexistent almost. Your balls aren't even there? Yeah, they're like little wasabi nuggets. Does your brother have A regular sized penis?

Oh his is smaller than mine In fact my brother And I go to the spa He always comments Wow your dick is pretty big Shut up Yeah and I look at him I go well then what

You have a clit then Your brother has a clit dick? Yeah yeah You have a clit Because I love your brother I think he's one of the Coolest guys on earth But I want to say one point

Before you start Railroading me again Before I railroad you? I have a point to make though I love your brother. I think he's one of the coolest guys on earth. But I want to say one point before you start railroading me again. Before I railroad you? I have a point to make, though. Here's what's scary. So you heard the stuff I did on MADtv, right? Yeah. Just now.

Yeah, you told me. Well, this year, because I'm on a show. Yes. We got a new producer and he is my producer. Not the one I shit in his floor. Another one? But another producer from MAD. So he comes now

Because I already did the first season Yeah And I had to pull him aside And go Listen dude Scott The way I was at Mad I'm no longer like that

Yeah And he's like I show up on time Thank fucking God I show up on time I know my lines I'm respectful From everyone

From everyone From top to bottom I know everyone's name this is not the drug addicted fiend that you because i got it good but he when he sees me like at table reads and i say the line correctly i always look up at him and he can't even believe it he's blown away that you've got it he's blown away that i even can speak english you guys did did you have table reads at man tv yeah i i was notoriously He's blown away that you've got it together. He's blown away that I even can speak English. Did you have table reads at Mad TV?

Yeah. I was notoriously the worst table reader in Mad TV history. Did you show up high? Even when I was sober, I just could not do it. God, I don't want to mention the name of somebody because I can't call anybody out, but I did a table read. Yeah. With a very, very, very famous actor. Yeah.

And he was so bad That they had someone there Yeah To help him read Yeah I mean A grown man Yeah Had somebody there

To help him read Yeah And it blew my fucking mind I was like You're giving this guy Millions of dollars He can't even read the thing I know a guy now

Maybe at the same We'll talk later I know a guy now That in his contract He doesn't do table reads Because he's so bad Because he's so bad People

I don't think people know that About the business Half of this bullshit Is like doing all the right things outside Like auditions are nonsense They're insane It's not a test of how good you are It's a test of

How much can you remember And how good are you under pressure That's all it really is That's what it is That's not how good you are on camera these things have nothing it's so funny you say that i believe you so go ahead because i'm serious and also and also table reads people don't know this when you do network table reads like the show that you're on is a network television people don't know this but for networks you have to do a table read in front of the whole

fucking network you have to read in front of producers not only that peter roth right yeah sometimes sits directly in front he's the president only that, Peter Roth, right? Yeah. Sometimes sits directly in front of me. He's the president of Warner Brothers. Yeah. Looking at you. Right. Watching you read words.

So the night before every table read, I'm biting my nails. I memorize them. Oh, of course. You have to. And when I'm there, I try to nail it like it's the end of, like do or die. People don't know,

but a lot of people get fired up table reads. That's a weird old Hollywood thing. When I see young comics, I say this. You know how you're going to make it? And they go, well, how? I go, it's not the most talented, believe it or not. No, it's not. It's the person that can perform under immense amounts of pressure.

Yep. That's who makes it. Yep. And then the irony of all that is once you get the job, you can fucking do whatever. I'm at now a point

on my show now that I just know I can't get fired. Well, you're not going to get fired. I can't. There's no way. Well, they're not going to.

Who are they going to replace you with? There's a lot of people that they could. Who? Go ahead. Who? It would be weird

to replace me with anybody else. Name another Asian guy that they'd replace you with. Geddy Wananabe. It was longer. Seriously, I replace him with anybody else. Name another Asian guy that they replace you with. Geddy Wananabe. He was longer. Seriously, I don't know who else. I don't know who else.

I think Masi Oki, but he's not funny. Who's the funniest Korean right now? In my opinion? Well, that's why I asked you. Yeah. You think you are? I really do believe that. Who's the funniest Japanese guy?

I don't know any. I really don't know any Japanese. What about anybody from Crazy Rich Asians? They're not Japanese. None of them. They're all Chinese. They're all Chinese, yeah. All of them.

Except for Ken. Ken's Korean. Yeah. He's the only Korean in the whole movie. Yeah. That's the reason why I couldn't even

get in the movie was because we called They filled their Korean quota. No, they're like we're trying not to cast anyone other than Chinese people.

What? Why? Because it's a Chinese movie so what exactly so i'm like this is what nobody knows the racism in asians is so deep oh you don't even my dad made as a kid yeah he made me a list of ethnicities and nationalities from best to worst what What is it? Number one was Korean. He said they're the best. Yeah. Number two? Number two, Japanese. Okay.

I don't know why because they oppressed our country. It's a great island. Number three, which is generally white, right? Number three, he said white? Yeah. Okay. Number four was, I think, an animal.

What? Like snake or a cop. Like an emu. Snake. Snake at the good. Five, Mexican. Okay. Like snake beat out Mexican. Snake beat Mexican? Yeah. The an emu. Snake. Snake at the good. Five, Mexican. Okay. Like Snake beat out Mexican.

Snake beat Mexican? Yeah. The list was to like 30, and nowhere on it was black people. Your dad's so fucking racist. I'm not even kidding you. Wait a minute. Where was Chinese on there? Oh, they were like down, like 19, 20.

They were below Snake and then Inanimate Objects. They were below like microwave. Dirt was one of them. 17 was dirt. Dirt, mud, and then Chinese people. To your dad, this is an old innate thing. It's built into him from his

parents. 20 years ago, I had met Kalilah. My dad was like, if you date her, don't ever come home. He would say that. Why? Don't ever come home She would say that Why? Don't ever come home to us

But now Your family loves her Oh my mom Well Kalilah though Is Filipinos Kalilah My girlfriend Is a survivor

And she's like me Is she like a refugee? No She's not a refugee What are you talking about? You said survivor No she just knows How to survive

In every social situation. Oh. So that first night, weekend. So my dad had a stroke. I wish you lied and told me that she was a refugee. No. Said she made it out of the Great Philippine War. Wait, your dad had a stroke the first night you met?

No, no, no. He had a stroke where it fucked him up. Can't walk. Yeah. From the neck down, he's paralyzed pretty much. Oxygen out of your brain. Right. So the first weekend, my girlfriend spent the night at my parents' house. him up can't walk yeah from the neck down he's paralyzed pretty much out of your brain right so but the first weekend my girlfriend spent the night at my parents house

phoenix why because she we i was visiting my folks we're gonna we stay at their house but it's your girlfriend that your brand new girlfriend you brought no she would at that time she was about me nine months we had been in a relationship okay And so At seven in the morning I'm still sleeping And I hear giggling downstairs Right? Yeah And I open my eyes And it's Kalilah

Like fixing my dad's catheter Making jokes And my parents And my And my girlfriend They're laughing Right? That's rude

And then my mom's like Touch And my girlfriend's Teaching my mom How to do the computer Like she's just like She got in She just

I love girls that do that That survive Yeah That are independent I had a girlfriend before her That didn't know how to do that That was the blind girl That you brought to the store

No I didn't date a blind girl She was a blind girl with one arm Was that that girl Oh yeah yeah yeah She had like a bad leg No that was just a one nighter That blind girl with one arm With a bad leg

Yeah yeah yeah She had what Like seven or eight teeth Six Yeah yeah Six I don't know I didn't count Where did you meet her On the street a one-nighter. That blind girl with one arm and a bad leg? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had what, like seven or eight teeth? Six. Six each. I don't know, I didn't count.

Where did you meet her? On the street. Just a street girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What part of the city? I don't give a fuck. Alhambra, I don't know. You met her in Alhambra?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're better off. Yeah, yeah. Kalilah's great. Thanks, man. I like her so much more than I like you. I like your girl way better than I like her.

No, no, no, no, no. I mean that from, no, when, no. I mean that from, no, when I say that I mean that honestly. Yeah, and I honestly. What I'm saying is Let me ask you this. What I'm saying is

I've been asking Bobby, go ahead. If Kalilah and I broke up and you weren't married anymore would you have sex with Kalilah? Yeah. If you guys break up and I still am married I still might make a move and make her my hall pass yeah yeah i got a big time crush on her she knows i text her sometimes that's fine honestly when you say that it doesn't threaten

me i know it doesn't delia it would threaten you think you would she's not attracted to him no but if delia had said something like that i'd'd be like, whoa, dude. You? It's like, no. Why would I be scared of a fucking Ron Howard looking ugly motherfucker like you? I'm ugly? You're not great. If I'm ugly, you're fucking horrific. You're a horror story. See, now we're getting negative. When people are listening right now, this is the third time we started this podcast.

And the reason why we stopped the first two is because it got to this. We got into fights. We got into negative. When people are listening right now, this is the third time we started this podcast. And the reason why we stopped the first two is because it got to this. We got fights. We got into this. Listen. Yeah. I'm touching one of your nine vape pens. Listen, I would never make a move on Clyde.

I would never, ever in a million years do that. And I believe you. I would never. That's so insane. I knew a guy that said to me to my face he wanted to our other friend's girlfriend and he's like when they break up i'm going right for her and it blew my mind i was like dude you could do you any girl you could go after but he wanted her so bad not to date just wanted to hook up yeah there's a billions of people that live on this

planet seven seven and a half seven a. Yeah, there's so many more. Not only that, they keep making new ones. I think when you go behind your friends back in date and ex, I think that's the end of a friendship. Now, do I have fantasy? I have had fantasies of my friends' girlfriends. There's nothing wrong with that. That's human. Yeah.

That's totally normal. I'm nutted like, you know. Of who? Who specifically? I'm not going to name it. It was just a hypothetical. Yeah, no, we both have. It who? Who specifically? I'm not going to name it. It was just a hypothetical. Yeah, no, we both have. It's hypothetical.

We'll talk off air. Yeah, yeah. We'll talk about who we have fantasies about with that. Do you see yourself getting married? You know, yeah, I think she's a little scared of breeding with me. You think the breeding thing is the big thing? I think breeding is a big thing because her and i are basically married as it is we we share certain bank accounts yeah we

have businesses together we've lived together for a long time we live together we have six animals together do you sleep in the same six animals yeah what do you what what you have six animals why they're my freezer i have barbecues every weekend oh you just eat yeah yeah oh you eat your own no i have i have three cats and three dogs that i love. So you raise the animals until they're edible? No, we don't eat them. Oh, isn't that part of your thing? I'm not that kind of Asian. Which one is that?

What do you mean? Who does it? I mean, Korea has a... Oh, so it is you guys. Well, we do have a dog trading business, yeah. Your family? China does. No, not personally.

But I know that it exists. Like Yulin, China has a festival every year. What breed of dog tastes the best? Do you imagine? Whatever Eliza Schlesinger's dog is. Yeah, that does. The little tiny ones. I just want to eat that little fucker.

See, but I would say the dog that has the most fat on it would taste the best. No. There's just something about Eliza that I just want to eat her dog. You just want to eat the fuck out of her dog. Right. And just like while she's watching. Make her watch. Tie her down and make her watch. You know how mad she'd be yeah she would fucking go crazy

yeah she would yeah for some reason i want to eat one of chelsea handler's dogs what about whitney's got a lot of dogs whitney yeah whitney stuck well my youngest dog whitney my youngest dog when she was he was a puppy she stuck her mouth over the dog's head what as if she was gonna Bite the head off Why? As a joke Not funny

That's not funny at all I know That's very weird Yeah She loves dogs though I would've slapped her No she does I know She loves dogs

No you know what She actually helped me out I legitimately called her When I got my puppy To ask for advice Cause I panicked I had panic I got a six month old

A six week old dog Yeah Panic attacks every night. Dude, my dog, too, was young. Panic. Teething. The wildness. Pissing everywhere.

Pissing everywhere. Screaming. You still have him? Oh, yeah. She's the best. Do you love her? I mean, honestly, yes. More than anything.

I'm annoyed that I like her that much. Bro, you know why? Let me say something right now. Let me say something right now. There is a movie called Signs. Signs. You ever see the movie Sign. There is a movie called Signs. Signs. You ever see the movie Signs? I love the movie Signs.

That's the one with Bruce Willis, right? Yeah. No. Isn't that Signs? Signs is not Bruce Willis. What's that? What was that one called? Mel Gibson.

Mel Gibson. The alien one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where the water kills him. Yeah, the water. Spoiler alert.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And everything happens for a reason. Sure. Yeah, the water. Spoiler alert. Yeah, yeah. And everything happens for a reason. Sure. Yeah. Go on. But there's a scene where they barricaded this house. Yeah.

And the family's inside. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, we forgot our dog outside. And they hear their dog being slaughtered by an alien. And there's like no emotion. Nobody cares. Yeah, it's like me? Fuck my kids.

I'm getting my dog. Yeah, I'd leave the kids. I love my dog. I'd leave the kids and go for the dog. Dude, I's like me? Fuck my kids. I'm getting my dog. Yeah, I'd leave the kids. I love my dog. I'd leave the kids and go for the dog. Dude, I'm telling right now, dude, it's like, if you killed my dog, I'm John Wick. You go off. I would go to my cellar. I would take my hammer, get the fucking weapons out of the fucking cement.

Okay, let me give you a scenario. Yeah. A guy murders your dog, right? And tells you about it and says, come get me. Would you spend a good amount of your life going to find this man? I would literally. I mean, there's not much I can do with my old body. But I would do everything that I could.

What if you got in really good shape just to kill your dog's killer? I would. I really would. I love my animals so fucking much, dude. Which one do you like the least? There's got to be one that's not that big on your list. That you're like, you fucking annoy me. It's so weird that you say that because I honestly, I honestly, I can't really think of any.

It's how many cats? I have three. Three cats, three dogs. Yeah. There's got to be one of those cats that you're like fucking. There's no way, but I'll tell you why. Because each one, when I got them, It meant something to me At that time Yeah it was a point in your life

And I have feelings Toward those animals You know cats are standoffish One of them doesn't even know I exist really Doesn't really talk The youngest one Bojo

Bojo Bobby Junior Bobby Junior Hi Bobby Junior He just looks at the Bobby Junior After you We call him Bojo

Well that's not Junior That'd be Bojer We just call him Bojo Well that's not Junior That'd be Bojer We just call him Bojo But Bobby Junior What's the other names? Well I didn't name the My first cat It doesn't have a name

Ming I didn't name I wasn't with Kalilah Yeah Okay here I'm gonna get into it real quick Okay Yeah

Listen to me right now I was like every other Asian guy Before I met my girlfriend if i saw a dog in the street i would speed up you wanted to kill a yes i didn't give a fuck i don't i never i never liked when i like why do you say that every asian guy is against dogs no no i'm just saying like you know those asians live in yulin china that have dog eating festival i was kind of more like that I had no feeling toward pets why

because I never had any really yeah but even still you're like my friend Charlie's dog died and I came to his he didn't pick up his phone for a couple days so I went to his house

yeah and I go why are you crying he was crying my dog died yeah he goes my dog died I go oh

but why are you crying I said that to him you had no emotion no emotion I go why are you he's like my dog died You had no emotion No emotion I go why are you He's like my dog died I go Let's go to fucking

I don't know Petco And get another one I'll buy it But if you Had one of your animals die But that was me Before I met Kalilah

So I met Kalilah on Tinder I spent the night at her house The first night Right Damn She let you in that fast No not the first night But the week in

I spent the night I'm in Did you guys hook up The first week, right? Damn, she let you in that fast? No, not the first night, but the week in, I spent the night I'm in. Did you guys hook up the first week? No, two weeks. She only made you wait two weeks? Two, three weeks. Three weeks? Six months. Okay.

She made you wait a year and a half. A year. Yeah, no. But the first night I went in, I spent the night in her house. I was laying in bed and something was on my shoulder. And I look over

and it's a tiny black and white kitten. Cute. And I was going to just throw it against the wall. You wanted to just murder it. Yeah, I didn't care. What changed? She goes, that's my, this kitten.

She goes, that's Ming. And I go, what is it? It's a cat. I go, oh, it just sleeps with us? She goes, yeah. So then A month later She goes She went to Vegas

And she's like I don't know where to bring Ming Can we Can Ming stay at you With you So I didn't I didn't know anything about pets So I went to the pet food store

And I bought like The most gourmet shit For Ming the cat Yeah I went to a sushi restaurant And I got fucking sushi What Yeah I wanted to really like Do it up You know Because I went to a sushi restaurant and I got fucking sushi. What? Yeah, I wanted to really like do it up.

You know, because I wanted to impress Chloe a lot. Nobody feeds cat sushi. I do. I still do. Do you feed your cat sushi now? Yeah.

What do you spend a month on your fucking animals? Like 40 grand? Ask anybody that knows me. I probably spend at least two grand a month. On your fucking animals?

Yeah. Well, what are they going to eat? Just food does not cost $2,000 a month. The kind of yeah well what are they gonna eat just food does not cost two thousand dollars a month the kind of shit that i get yeah you don't even know what i get dude you don't even feed yourself that well i do i spent so much money on food is that the is that the biggest expense you have yeah and clothes and my cats and dogs you should actually tell us go ahead let me finish my fucking story cut yeah go ahead we're not boring is that that's not interesting no it's fine.

It's not fine. It's very interesting. I'm listening. Okay. Tell me more about Ming. She goes to Vegas. No, so Ming doesn't. Kalala goes to Vegas.

Ming stays at my house. And then one day I come home and Ming hops around like this corner and looks right in my eyes. And she goes, hi. That's what the meow sounded like like it going hi like that but it didn't

it didn't but to me it went hi like that but it really went yeah yeah yeah yeah and I go

hello and every room I would go you'd follow me around And then I just Went I love this thing Yeah you fell in love Right

And then when Klyla moved into my house Ming was alone So I'm like We gotta get another cat So we went to the pound We got Gooner Gooner

Yeah And then A couple of months after that Right This is what happened. A fireman calls Kalilah. Yeah, he got his kitten. I think it's dying.

What? How does she have a fireman's number? She has fireman numbers in her phone? Yeah, she's fucked a lot. Is it next? I don't know. I don't know who he is. Now you should think about that a little bit.

I don't give a... Whatever Kalilah has had sex with before me i don't give a fuck and i know some things her getting piped by firemen's hot though firemen are they're oh she's had two three dudes at the same time really i should have said that out loud dvda two dudes at least does she you think is it do you think they've double teamed her at the same time? Yeah, I know. I already know. She told you that? I know them.

You know the guys? Yeah. Do I know them? No. Can you tell me off air who they are? Yeah. I just want to chat with them about it. She's a great girl.

That has nothing to do with it. I know. I just want... She's the love of my life. She's so smart. Have you ever been in a threesome? I've been in so many sums. What's the most?

I suck dick. But you never swallowed? I mean, I mean, I don't remember. You were that blacked out on drugs? Yeah. Drunk,

drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk. Yeah. Do you think that means you have some level of being gay inside? No, none.

You think it was just for fun? 100% none. Just for a party. Just like, Hey, I'm just partying. No, I'm just sexual. Yeah, but I've never sucked a dick and I'm sexual.

Yeah, but you're not open. You're open. You're a closed book. So I'm a closed book. Completely closed. So I'm a closed off book because I haven't sucked a dick. You're a completely closed book from the South or wherever you're from. And you have those kind of values.

I'm an open liberal person. Artistic. I want knowledge. Autistic? Artistic. person artistic i want knowledge artistic artistic okay i want knowledge i want culture sucking dick has nothing to do with yes it does knowledge i want to know the world and i want to i want to you know that that painting what you know the two do you think you'd ever blow a guy again no you'd never do it again i would never do it sober i don't want dick what if i told you I put something in that drink that might make you get fucked up? Would you then suck my dick?

Honestly? If you had to... I'm going to be completely... Honestly, and this might offend you. Yeah. But even in a blackout drunk, I think I have emergency levels of like cognitive reasoning inside my mind. It would just flash alert.

I would never suck your dick. I don't look at you in any kind of sexual way. When I see you, there is a feeling of kind of an ugly feeling in my heart when I see you sometimes. When I see you. See, now what you're doing right now is, I want you to grow. I'm just reciprocating. I want you to grow.

I'm just reciprocating. Because you're the host of the show. Just listen, I'm reciprocating. This is not our podcast, this is your podcast. Well, let me get it out. Well, let me get it out. Go ahead. Let me get it out.

Go ahead. When I see you, makes me smile. And that's growth. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah. You short little fat piece of shit. See, you can't help.

When I see you, it makes me fucking nauseous. Yeah, and I feel the same way when I see you. I think about how gross you smell. And can I just say a thing about the dick sucking thing? Yeah.

Is that I didn't do it in my adult life. Oh, kid sucking dick. Yeah, I was a kid. You were sucking kid's dick. I was doing drugs at 12. I went to my first rehab at 15. Okay.

You know that, right? I know, but it doesn't... I was getting blackout drunks even as a kid, and that's when I would do it. But you were sucking dick not because you were partied out. That's just something repressed. You think maybe you're bisexual.

No, I'm not. Why? Why? You might have it in you. Will this podcast hurt me on my show? I'm on a network show talking like this. No. Why?

No one's going to hear this. This is just for us. This is for me and Ari. I know. I get that. Yeah. This is just for us. Because I've done podcasts with you before and they don't air.

It never came out. It never came out. Listen, we'll move on. Why are you so picky about putting your podcast out? We'll move on. We don't need to talk about you doing drugs and eating penis and stuff like that. By the way, that wouldn't hurt you. That would help you in Hollywood.

Everybody in Hollywood does drugs and eats penis. I was a kid. Let's move on. Yeah, you were a child. You were a young, young child. Yeah. Now you're a 62-year-old man. That's rude.

That's an attack. No, you're not. You're 40. How old are you? 47. You look good for 40. Do you believe it? I mean, it's so funny.

It's like you chased Bobby stop Stop You chased this thing When I was 23 I started stand up And I'm like I'm gonna try to chase this thing

To the end And see where it takes me When you were 23 you started? Yeah and I was like Where am I gonna When is that gonna happen? It's now It's never gonna happen

It's right now Don't you think you. It's right now. Don't you think you're making it right now? I don't. When do you think is you making it? What's the final straw? When someone, because I have had people on my podcast, like Awkwafina.

Yeah. Awkwafina hosted SNL. Yeah, I saw that. That was great for her. To me, if I was at that level, I think I'd be like, if I'm so busy and i'm going all over the place going i have to do this movie and then this then i'd be feel like it but you know right now i'm on a warner brothers abc show yeah great five lines an episode ten lines of episode wonderful it doesn't make me i don't feel like i'm making it

i feel like i'm still relatively relevant because of my podcast and being a stand-up locally here in LA. So you are making it. What would dictate making it? Being busy with movies is making it? You're right. I've made it, I think.

Yeah, 100%. Do you think you've made it? You have. I have. You have, yeah. But making it such a vague term It's so funny When me

I made it because I make a living Doing what I want to do When Dalia and I saw you For the first time Yeah I've told you this before I remember it too Me and Dalia

Were sitting next to each other And you were on stage In the OR Yeah And I'd never seen you before And I turned to Chris And I go Yeah this guy's gonna make it Did you really say that Yeah And turned to Chris. I go, yeah, this guy's going to make it.

Did you really say that? Yeah. And Chris goes, yeah, this guy, there's something about this guy. Oh, that's sweet. I didn't know that. You didn't tell me that. Yeah. I remember distinctly looking at D'Elia.

And D'Elia wasn't a regular. I don't think at that time. His hair wasn't that long. Yeah. Back when he had like short, he had like short, half short, half. And rarely have I done that. Short He had like short Half short Half

And rarely have I done that Where I've seen When I saw somebody I went Yeah That's for sure Is there someone That you see that in now

Has there someone In a while that's done that Thank you by the way Yeah I mean I see it with I've seen it with Jesus Trejo He's great

When Jesus Fahim Anwar I saw it Well yeah Yeah You know that's my oldest friend In comedy Who Fahim Anwar, I saw it. Well, yeah. Yeah. You know, that's my oldest friend in comedy. Who? Fahim Anwar.

We met when we first started comedy. Yeah, he opened for me for the first time we were ever on the road. He's phenomenal. And I won't, and he'll laugh hearing this, but he was terrible when we started.

Oh, I bet he was. He was so bad. Yeah. He was so bad and like in a way that was like, I knew he was going to be good, but I was like, oh man, he's bad.

You know how I stopped using him I was in San Antonio with him And he was on stage And I was slinging against the wall With a bunch of comics And two guys walked up to me And go Why would you bring

Such a strong opener Yeah he murders He goes You're not gonna be able To follow this Who said that to you Just local guys Just another asshole

Trying to rip you No they're just trying to rip You know I knew them right Yeah yeah yeah And I kind of giggled it And I was on stage And I was sweating

Right Sweat dripping down From my face And I'm like I just gotta get through this Give them everything Before you ever started Bringing people on the road

When you had to like Have locals you know Just have like a local guy Open up for you Was there ever somebody That ripped so hard That it really did Fuck you up

I've had somebody fired Because they were too good It's not that they were good It's that they went against What I said What did you say Well the first thing I was in Houston

I remember the city At the improv And some dude Comes up to me And goes Yo dude I'm hosting But I'm usually a headliner

You remember his name He won like Funniest Funniest Houston guy Yeah No Texas guy Yo, dude, I'm hosting, but I'm usually a headliner. You remember his name? He won like funniest. Funniest Houston guy? Yeah. No, Texas guy at one point. He's Mexican. Steve Trevino?

No, it wasn't Trevino. I love Trevino. No, I know. I love Trevino. So I go, oh, congratulations. He goes, but you're hosting now, right? I was like, yeah, but I don't know why. I go, in my head, I'm like, don't do it then.

Yeah, don't. If that's your attitude. Yeah, don't but I don't know why. I go, in my head, I'm like, don't do it then. Yeah, don't. If that's your attitude. Yeah, don't. So he goes up there. I've never seen anyone so filthy. Every word out of his mouth was something gross. Was the worst thing, like your grandmother's vagina, whatever, you know. Fist fucking, you know.

Okay. So he gets us off, and I just walk up to him, and I go, yeah, you got laughs. It's great, but it's way too dirty, man. Yeah. Because the feature was kind of struggling a little bit.

Yeah. It was like a local guy or whatever. Well, because you couldn't follow the host who was being filthy. The feature couldn't. Yeah.

So hey, next show, just clean it up. And he was like very defensive about it. Yeah. And in the second show, he was worse to show me. And when he got show, he was worse to show me.

And when he got off stage, I looked right at him. I go, you're fired. And he goes, what? You can't do that. I can. I can because let me say something right now, dude. I know I didn't bring my own future, but I'm still a special engagement. And I know Robert Hartman and everyone that owns an improv.

Yeah. And there's nothing that you can do about it. You think that you look at me and I'm some sort of Chinese guy who has no power. I know everybody. So what happened was

and you don't work here now. That guy got fired. Yeah. And then he killed himself. No he didn't. He's still around. I saw him a year ago. You saw him again. A year ago. And he apologized. He should have because he needs you bad. What's his name? I hate throwing my power. Do you ever use your power? You have to. When's

the last time you used your power? I think I've used my power very, very rarely. But I will do it sometimes when I'm shooting something. Tell me one. Tell me one. I was shooting a thing. Yeah. I love it. And I was probably, you know, I don't know. It was a favor, kind of.

Do you know what I mean? It was a legit thing you're shooting though? Semi, semi. It was something that. Some people involved were. It was a legit thing You're shooting though? Semi Semi It was It was something that Some people involved were It was a real company Yeah Things were real

Oh well then It's a legit thing Yeah It's not now YouTube shit No but I was Go ahead Doing a favor Yeah

And it was Me getting called in At absurd Crazy times And hanging And like the first day It was like Okay

But like 13 hours Oh I'm not like, okay, but like 13 hours. Oh, I'm not gonna, you're not gonna. For 13 hours you waited. I was literally there for 12 and a half hours. Yeah. I,

that would, I would lose my shit. So the next day when I was supposed to come in, I just didn't show up. I did not show up for the first time in my life. I did like a, nah, fuck you.

And they had to call and call agents and do all this stuff to go, you gotta come. It's like, no, if I'm just gonna hang around, that's,

no, you gotta get it right. You did that? Yeah. And then what happened? They got it right. They started calling me when I was supposed to be in.

And then the next five days that I had to shoot the thing, it was tight as a top. I came in, I did it, hey, I went the fuck home. They waited to sign me in and out.

That's fucking amazing. It was a little bit baller. It was a little rude and baller. It's something I would never do. I mean, listen. I thought in my head if I got fired, I didn't care. That was it. I was like, I don't care.

Can I tell you what happened to me? The opposite. I was... So last year, I get this ABC show. It's with Jenna Fisher, Oliver Hudson. It's a legit thing, you know? Yeah. Great people behind it.

Ellen DeGeneres is my executive producer. It's not a, it's a real thing. Yeah. So I have a 6 a.m. call time, right? And I wake up and there's a man in my house. Right? What? A human being in my house

Where you live Where I live So I I pick up I have the little hammer thing Next to my bed What? Like a pickaxe?

It's like a little hammer Like a mini hammer thing Yeah And I walk into the living room And there's a guy A PA that works at my show Right? In your house

In my house What the fuck are you doing here, man? Like that. He goes, it's 10 a.m. 6 a.m. call time. Oh, Bobby. They had to shoot

Jenna and Oliver all their coverage. I reaped chaos that day. And he goes, get in the car right now. I had to wear my pajamas to the set. Why? You just slept in? I slept in. I had to wear my pajamas to the set. Why?

You just slept in? I slept in. My alarms didn't go off. Right? So as I'm pulling up to the Warner Brothers lot, I get a text from Oliver Hudson, right? And guess what the text was? Just a photo of Ken Jeong.

That's genius. They're going to replace me with Ken. That's genius. They're going to replace me with Ken. That's one of the funniest things. It was very funny, right? And I show up. So all day I shoot. And the executive producer, Emily Kaepnick, is just, you know, Video Village, won't make eye contact.

And I won't make eye contact with her either. And I'm sitting there. This is like 8 o'clock at night now and she walks up behind me and she puts her hand on my shoulder for like two seconds and then releases and walks away. And in that one hand gesture,

it said so many things. Yeah, that says a lot. You know what it said? Get your fucking shit together. I'm okay, don't let it happen again yeah that's like when the parents say i'm disappointed would that freak you out oh my god yeah oh my god you could only imagine let me say let me say this yeah the story that i told about the thing yeah the only reason i did that is because it was a disorganized fucking

shit show and i was like well if i get fired from this fucking thing that's that's insane yeah nobody even cares that i'm there yeah I was like, well, whatever. But if it's a big, serious project, if I'm on a fucking network TV show, no way. I've never been late in my life. I'm early. At a network TV show, though,

would you wait 12 hours? Yeah, 100%. And not say anything? Yeah, because the money is so good. Yeah, that's what it is, yeah. I was getting paid shekels. It was like, yeah, you get a couple of bucks. I was like, oh, fuck. I was doing it because I wanted to work. Because I'm a workaholic. I'm a sucker. I'll take anything. Yeah, that's what it is, yeah. I was getting paid shekels. I was doing, it was like, yeah, you get a couple of bucks. I was like, oh, fuck. I was doing it because I wanted to work.

Yeah. Because I'm a workaholic. I'm a sucker. I'll take anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a sucker. Yeah, I've been an hour early and also I bought six alarms.

Did you bring gifts to say I'm sorry? No, but I- You should always do that. No, I'm not doing that. I don't want to seem too needy, but- Hold on one second. I just got a text from Oliver. Oh, boy.

That's Ken Jeong. It's fine. Do you think you'd get replaced? No. There's no way. Hmm. Well, I already... Can I just say how I know?

And this is... And you make fun of my look. You make... I don't make fun of your look. He's short and stubby. He's weird, whatever. All that stuff's true. But can I just say this?

Yeah. And this is... They shouldn't test the show. They shouldn't test it? Yeah. Why? Because you would test amazing. I always test high. You test through the roof.

I always test through the roof. Why do you think that is? Because of my round, gooky face. It is. It really is. I come on screen. You think it's because you're not threatening? And I'm not white.

You're not threatening. And I'm kind of chunky and weird looking. Yeah. The people go, oh. You know what I mean? Like a cartoon. Like if Pokemon came on. What would you look like if you got in shape?

I don't want everyone to know. I would love to know. I don't want to know. If you got tight. Oh, I'm tight in some areas. What? My butthole. That's it?

That's true. That's it? Yeah. What else? That's it. That's it? Yeah. But you like your figure.

I like your figure. Let me ask you something right now. You know why people like you? We started this podcast over ask you something right now. We started this podcast over. Three times. I thought this one went really good. This one was one of my favorites. Don't you think that we said... It was funny, but it was also knowledgeable.

Yeah. Yeah, it's done all the things. Yeah, we did all the things. Yeah, we did. And I thought that we made up for it, and we became professionals tonight. Well, we are professional. That's the's that it really is the thing is it not no i think i definitely think it is i also kind of wanted to get in the mood with you because

you must have had a weird day i had a weird day so that's why yeah that's why you got mad at me because i made you park around the corner i wasn't really mad about that i don't really get mad when you feel i'm mad i don't really say it i internal internalize it. No, I know, I know, I know. But you said what? You let the white guest part close. Yeah, but I was just joking. I know. But no, that is true.

We have some people over here that are white. When I see white dudes like you, right? You think that I let every white dude do Asian accents in front of me and go up on stage and do the Chinese eyes? Yeah. I don't. No, I know. I get to do that stuff with you. know it's there's i get to do that

stuff with a few people that get to do that if anyone else does it like if i'm at a comedy club for the first time and the manager does that oh i'm leaving done this is not the environment i want i get to do with you because we're a special relationship they're just because i don't look at you as a white because you do have red hair and i really do i'm not making fun of your red hair i just look at red-headed people as there's like a chromosome or something missing well there is that's the fact so i look at you like a minority because i am and here's another reason why is because i know that during early americana um the chinese and the irish Irish did the railroads together.

We did. Right? Are you Irish? Yeah. Yeah, so I look at you as like a white black person. You do? Yeah.

That's really sweet. I don't look at you like an oppressive person. Are you confusing him with Albino? Yeah. No, he knows what he is. No, I know what he is.

He knows what Albino is. Albino is totally different. And that's why also I love, redheads like Greg Fitzsimmons, Bill Bur what he is. No, I know what he is. He knows what Albino is. Albino is totally different. And that's why also I love Redheads. Look, Greg Fitzsimmons. Yeah. Bill Burr. Yeah. You guys are always.

Louis C.K. You love him too. Louis C.K., yeah. So what I'm saying is that, you know, I think Redheads feel like they were like their minorities or they've been oppressed. We have. I really believe that, yeah. No, I believe it too.

So that's why I let you do it. That's why you let me get away with it. Yeah. But if a good looking guy comes up to you, if Michael Kosta or somebody like a good looking comic comes up and he's like, oh, Bobby Doreen. What would you? He would never do that.

No, never. Yeah. He knows better. Just thinking that Michael Kosta did that would shock the fuck out of me. But the reason that we make fun of each other is because you do bring me up on stage with some of, half of it's heartfelt every time you bring me on

and the other half is this next ugly fuck, this red freak beast you say that you say free you call me a freak yeah you say um ginger cock you love saying that yeah yeah so you like to throw these insults because you know that i'm gonna whenever i step on stage i call you robert e lee i say my little rice ball my little dumpling yeah what's funny is when you, when I, they already like me. So when I'm on and I bring you on. Yeah. And you boldly do that up front. Yeah.

It really makes me go, wow, this guy is brave. Confidence. Especially when there's Asians in the audience as well. Yeah. I've had, I had an Asian guy come up to me after one time after I did like a really long bit about you, about, you know, you being, Oh, you know, I did a long bit like that. And he came up to me afterwards. He said, that's, that's not okay to do. That's what he said. That's not okay to do. And what'd you do? He said, what you did to Bobby,

that's not okay to do. And what'd you say? I said, get the fuck out of my comedy club, you piece of shit. No, I said, no, it is okay. Bobby's a friend of mine. I said, do you want to go talk to him about it? He goes, no. He said, that's not okay to do. I don't, I don't care the relationship. That's not okay to do I don't care the relationship That's not okay to do And I took it to heart for like 10 minutes And then I thought Fuck that guy And for a minute it sunk in my head

Just some fan Like a guy that was at the club But he said that's not okay to do For a second I thought about it I thought wow Is it not okay to do Here's the thing It doesn't matter what he thinks

No I know It matters what I think Because you did it toward me That's what I said Right That's what I said I said you want to go Talk to Bobby about it

Can I tell you Because I have to eat I haven't eaten all day I know We'll get out of here And get you some food Yeah but I'm gonna One last story

Yeah I want to hear it Do you mind I would love to hear One last story Yeah Hi No No one last story. Yeah. Hi! No.

No, this is a story where I showed my power and I, till this, till this, till this day, I feel guilt about it. You do?

Yeah. Well, let's wipe the slate. So I was, I was at the comedy store and I was in the hallway and some girl was walking down the hallway and she was out loud hallway, and some girl was walking down the hallway,

and she was out loud going, I just killed up in the belly room. You don't know who it is? No. I'd never seen her before. Okay. And she's like mouthing off to people. I get killed.

My first time, I killed. Right? Yeah. And she's walking toward me, and she's like, move out of the way. To me. Move out of the way. Yeah. I just killed. Move out of the way to me move out of the way yeah i just kill move out of the way yeah yeah i go no i will not move out of the way and she's like why what are who are you

like i'm a comedian as well right and she's like what's your name i go bobby lee it doesn't matter it's like i never heard of you I go I've never heard of you either Fucking lady Who is this And then she goes Well We're at a standstill I go no we're not at a standstill

But I know you've never heard of me But I'm gonna show you something And just watch me closely And I'm gonna show you What kind of power I have here At this club I had a glass of coke in my hand I threw it against the wall and it shattered into a million

pieces this is in the parking you were was this in the park you were there right right and then who cleaned the glass i thought middle comb did whatever whatever you somebody cleaned it and i looked at her and i go that's the kind of power i have you made one of the door guys clean up your broken Coke glass. Yeah. That's so dick. And then she went, you're an asshole or something, right? And she walked away.

And I felt so glee. That's the word, the glee in my heart. That's the power I have. Like there's not, if I had to take a shit right there, I would have taken a shit right there in the hallway. Right. And made one of those comedy store door guys clean it up. And then go, oh, I would have taken a shit right there in the hallway. In the hallway. Right. And made one of those comedy store door guys clean it up.

And then go, oh, what? I have a spot tomorrow night as well. And there's nothing you can do? Now you do that, bitch. That's heavy. That's heavy. That's heavy to do that. To be able to do that to someone?

Yeah. It's demoralizing to the staff. Just to prove a point. I know. I know, but still. I don't I know. I know, but still. I don't mind it. I know, but still, it was done. Yeah, you did it. What's done is done.

She's been killing lately, that girl. No, I know. I know what she looks like. She works at a wing store. That one that has a Chinese name on Coinga. Wing Ching Chong? Yeah, something like that. Is it Wing Chong?

Wang Chong? Is it Wing Chung Wang Chung Is it Wang Chung Yeah that She works there Yeah She works there And you've seen her Yeah I've walked by it

And seen her there You should throw a coke Inside of that motherfucker Yeah yeah Anyway Bobby It was a pleasure I thought this

Thank you I thought this was very airable Yeah this was airable We'll air it We'll put this out Good Can you plug some stuff And say what you want to say I'm on an ABC show On Tuesday nights I thought this was very airable. Yeah, this was airable. We'll air it. We'll put this out. Good. Can you plug some stuff and say what you want to say?

I'm on an ABC show on Tuesday nights at 9.30 called Splitting Up Together. And then I have my own podcast called Tiger Belly. It's on all things comedy, iTunes, all that stuff. And then I'm always at the Comedy Store. Thank you. Come out and see Bobby Lee at the Comedy Store. Yeah. Thank you, Bobby.

Thank you. Come out and see Bobby Lee at the Comedy Store. Yeah. Thank you, Bobby. Thank you. I love you. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilist. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.