Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Brendan Sagalow

Episode Date: November 28, 2025

Andrew Santino sits down with Brendan Sagalow — stand-up comic, rapper (sort of), and certified goofball — for an episode that’s equal parts confession, cringe, and bars. Brendan’s currently featuring for Dan Soder on tour, fresh off the road and ready to overshare. They talk bombing, confidence, bad jokes that somehow work, and the glorious day Brendan freestyle-rapped at Caroline’s in NYC (and didn’t totally ruin it). 🎤 Follow Brendan Sagalow: https://www.instagram.com/brendansagalow 🎟️ Catch him on tour with Dan Soder: https://dansoder.com/tour 🎧 Check out Brendan’s comedy album “Not Now More Than Ever.” In this episode: • Brendan talks about featuring for Dan Soder and surviving hotel comedy life • The real story behind the Caroline’s freestyle • Santino and Brendan break down Tom Hardy’s rap skills (yes, really) • “Polite Rap”: the most unnecessary genre in history • Why comics can’t stop roasting each other even when they should Drop a comment with your favorite polite rap lyric. New episodes every week. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #BrendanSagalow #DanSoder #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PoliteRap #TomHardy ========================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER ⁠https://squarespace.com/whiskey MARS MEN USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY ⁠https://mengotomars.com ======================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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until your flight is over. Fly Emirates, fly better. What I'm with you, Ginger Fans. Welcome back to the show. Your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. Leave a comment down below for the Al. Go. Rhythm. Hey, I'm out there running around. I'm doing some shows in the New Year. Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Hanover, Maryland, Borgata, Atlantic City, baby. Then I'm down in San Diego. It's Valley Center, but it's right down there. It's just inland, baby. Then Canyonville, Oregon, and, of course, the wind casino and beautiful Las Vegas on March 21. Go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets, Andrew Santino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.

You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Gymnum. I guess today is one of my favorite people and others say that I'm from my guess, but I mean once again today, it's Brendan. Sagalow. Thanks for having me. Yeah, I'm a little bit of a lyricist. I mean, I was picturing you going through my Instagram to like bring up stuff to talk about. No. I'm just going like, no, I'm not doing that. Good, good, good. Yeah, I'm not doing that. We just know we have a lot of people in common. We know a lot of people in the same space of New York comedy. New York City Comedy. You're not from New York, though. Where are you from? I'm from, yeah, Long Island

originally. Yuck. I know. I've been there. But you know what? As you get older, you're kind like, I totally get it. No, Long Island's the shit. I'm very kidding. I'm kidding. Because in the same way, the people talk about Jersey, they're like, oh, Jersey, you're like, Jersey's great. Jersey's great and no sales tax in Jersey, so what are we talking about? What are you talking about? Dude, that's really good. That's the only impression I do.

Dude, I... Do more Tony. I sent in a... Every time I send in an SNL thing, it always has one audition and it's fucking Tony Soprano and I just picture them being like, what is this? From like 20 years ago, I'm going, you know, I do this joke where I go if I had a baby, it would be like a baby.

I sent the impression was baby Tony Soprano where I go, go, go, go that's. The class hamster, she's dead. I hate this baby shit. You have the nasal plug, too. Like, how do you do that? That's really, like... I just kind of, like, shut off my nose. That's really good.

Yeah, and then you go, like, the... Christopher. But it's also not that good. Like, there are some people that are... Yeah, I don't know what's wrong. with me. I think that's good. Why can't I just... How old are you? 18. No, I'm 34. Yeah, start liking yourself, dude. You're good.

Yeah, what do you, how do you do that? Do you do that? No, no, I hate myself. But, but, but, um, it's over for me. I'm done. No. Oh, dude, I'm jumping. No, no. I'm going to Golden Gate Bridge this weekend. Oh, okay. Just to fake it. Honestly, if I were to kill myself, not to get this episode demonetized instantly, But if I were to, I think I would do it bridge style. Bridges chill. Yeah, because then you feel like the wind,

the wind in your hair. And the one thing is if you survive, there's so many ways that you can attempt to kill yourself where if you survive, you're like more fucked than when you tried. Oh, totally. Like if you shoot yourself in the wrong place, and then you're like, you know. A veg?

Yeah, and you're like, fuck. Seinfeld, one time in his career had like a really dark joke. And I was like, that was the Seinfeld I wish he was. Because, like, what he does now is, like, not, that's not what I like. It's, like, it's very, like, pristine and calculated. Yeah. I like more loose and dirty, but he had a dirty joke. I don't know.

I'm going to misquote it. But it was something to the effect of, what's up with these people that try to kill themselves and it doesn't work? That's hilarious, dude. That would send me. But it was perfect. And then he said, he goes, what, there's no tall buildings where these people look? it's a perfect

but it's Seinfeld dark dark Seinfeld would have been well that's what I not to tell him what to do or anything like that he tells everybody else what they do what but if I were him that's how I would evolve as an artist I'd be like I'm

I'm gonna get a little bit more dirtier I'd be so calculated at his age when he made it right or whatever the fuck because I'd be like okay now I can I can be this guy for a little bit and then when I'm beloved that's when I start turning the evolution Turn to a heel?

It's kind of like start smoking cigarettes on stage or something like. Yeah, turn totally heel. Seinfeld on Kill Tony. Yeah. What's up with these trans people? Get all these disabled weirdos out of here! I honestly would love to hear what Jerry has to say about Kill Tony. He's like, so they just bring up retarded people?

And then they make fun of him? Dude, Seinfeld on Kill Tony is such a good sketch. Seinfeld. This next comedian is an assassin. From his 90s hit television show. Jerry Seinfeld. Put some fucking respect on his name. Kramer would also kill.

That whole scene scares me. Kramer would also kill on Killed. Kramer was ahead of his time. Kramer. Don't put him in Cam Patterson on the same lineup, though. These words. These words. words. Dude, when he tried to

do that, it's the best. What did he say after that? He also said something where he was like... You don't like the words, you see, you see? You, you... You motherfuckers. You motherfuckers? It's the most uncomfortable clip, dude. We watch it every year. It's so good.

Yeah, dude, watching that is like Christmas. It's so good. That's so funny. And then when he just drops the mic and walks off stage, he knows it's over. It's like a perfect collapse of a man. Then when he went on Letterman with Seinfeld, and he was like, why are you laughing?

You're like, well, it's a comedy show. Yeah, yeah, it's like, Seinfeld's going, don't laugh. That was so cocky to be like. You go, but surely, Jerry, you understand. Like, you're a comedian. This is insane. You do understand why this is funny. God, can you imagine if that happened today?

It wouldn't because. Wait, let's say someone on Abbott Elementary says the N-word, like during a take. And then quid to Brunson has to go on a thing and be like, listen, dude. they were just kidding dude it's so funny too because now well I don't know how it is

out here but like at the cellar they have all those like yonder bags and shit yeah we're like they put shit in bags to like keep your phones away we do that at the store now oh really they yonder back do they yonder in the OR or just the main room in both of them now they do now

yeah it used to be main I think in the belly too do they upstairs all of them oh I didn't know wow good how fucking pissed is Kramer that yonder wasn't invented earlier he goes he does that whole thing and then like the one of the owners of the laugh factory is like

we're gonna have to put these fucking phones on dude it really does make for a good show though it's so much better without fucking phones they're paying attention and then the drunk girl who wants to be on her phone on a shitty date with a guy she is not going to sleep with yeah they don't even stay they leave it's great yes so they're not

going to get through the show by being like when is this over like you don't have that thing happen to the fourth comic who's like you guys please shut the fuck up. Although there is something that I notice when you're doing the shows that don't have the phones and stuff. Anytime a comic mentions the phones, you can there are people like, don't even mention

that my phone. They start ticking out. Don't even mention that I can't look at my phone because when I see that I go, oh, don't mention the phones. Because then they're thinking about their phone. Yeah, it's like, it's like saying heroin to a heroin addict and then being like, and then trying to make them not think about it. Just kidding. Heroin, just getting. You go, heroin. You go, by the way, heroin.

You know that old quote That old thing that's like If you could have a time machine Go back to any time What would you do? Blah blah blah Imagine and Kramer's like Well I

I would have gone back To the laugh factory And I would have really given it to him This time If I knew it was my last Yeah I wonder if he would have Changed that No

You think he wouldn't have I think that's you know I like that they try to project That he's like not that guy It's like well that's how he really felt That was the most raw In a moment Oh, that was it, dude.

That was him. That's really him. That's like, you know what? That's like when, that's like when your uncle is drunk and like wasted and you get into an argument with him and he says something like. Yeah. Well, if they could just go back to Africa, then if they don't like in here that much. And you're like, whoa, dude. And then he goes.

You just ruined our relationship forever. And then he's like, I was drunk, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't mean it. There are times, not to be this guy, but there, because whatever, but there are times that I know that when people say, shit that's like so fucking outlandish or flagrant you know they're you know they don't really feel that way and you know they're doing it to say the worst thing like when you're in a car and that stuff

comes up yeah that's what i i fully well yeah you're right some people but there are some people that i'm like you don't think i'm going to say the worst thing in the world to you like you think i'm going to be like well surely i won't hurt your feelings i mean this this it's like you it's like if you I would never, of course. But if you're getting into an argument with, like, say, I don't know, like a black guy. Say it with pride next time, dude. Don't do that. That is my problem.

I say it too scared. When you go down, it makes it worse. Yeah, you go, that's actually the first ventriloquism was going, blark guard. You go, wait a minute. What's going out with all these blarkers? But if you're, you know, I wouldn't. But, you know, if you're going to go, like, if you're getting face to face with a guy and you know that there's a nuclear button, that you can just set, you go like, okay, you're going to, you're going to say all this shit to me?

Well, there is a part of me that's like, I know you don't really believe it. Sure, but when it's in that other context, when someone's like, let me tell you something. You're like, uh-oh, what are you going to tell me? In the Kramer context, too, where he's going like, 100 years ago, you would have been hanging from a tree. No, the fork up your ass, you were like, Kramer, you thought about it. Yeah, you go, yeah, these words. You're trying to become Lenny Bruce at the end. He goes, you see these words.

Even with Lenny Bruce, when you listen to that, like, when you watch the movie or whatever, I don't even know if they had audio from it, like when he did that? No, I don't think they did. I mean, I actually don't know. I've never seen it. I've only read it transcribed, you know? I'm sure it wasn't doing well at first. Oh, he's bombing.

And his friends at the coffee shop afterwards, like, what was that, bro? Why are you doing that? He goes after he's at the bar. He's like, you think that's funny? Was there anything in any of that? I was trying something out, man. I don't know. I don't know, Len.

I just feel like it's not necessary. You don't need to, you keep going off. Yeah, I think people are going to be, like, upset. There's no audio with that. No way. No chance. Some of his performances, yes. But not of that.

But not of the word he was doing these words. These words you can't say. When he gets arrested for profanity. San Francisco, is that where it was? Where do you get arrested? Of all places. He's getting arrested everywhere. Yeah, but, like, there was one that was, like, really, that, like, you know,

And the picture is notorious because the photograph of him in the newspaper the next morning. He looks swab. Dude, that's when they would arrest people for stuff like that. And they were like, it's good photo up. And the cops were even like, hey. Yeah, they go, okay, this is going to be on so many dorm room posters. I would get that tattooed on me if I was a younger man. You got a lot of tats.

I do got a lot of tats. I've noticed that when I've seen you online, I like your tats. You've got, they look fun. The car is sick. They are fun. The car is sick. This one I got at Skankfest on. This one's my, I hate this one.

Because of Skangfest. Yeah, because it reminds me of Skagfest. No, I just don't think it was done very well, and it's big and whatever. But it's like... The artist that did it, didn't do what you want. But you know what these are? They're just like, they're what people do when they want to cut themselves. But they're not.

They want to like, it's like fancy cutting yourself. Yeah, it's cool cuts. Yeah. Welcome to Cool Cuts. That's why anyone with like a bunch of tattoos, whenever they try to tell me how to live my life, I'm like, shut up. Shut up, dude. You're covered in tattoos Like you have no idea

What is this one on the wrist? This is the Blinquent 82 album cover With like an Italian flag Yeah I mean it's Why is it what the album cover is It's blue and white and red Yeah but somebody looked in there like Oh French

And I also have eczema so it's like Me too Really? Well are you Irish? Yeah Yeah we Hey I'm an American

Yeah Okay I mean I have the Irish And the British and the Scottish I get all that stuff Yeah but we are Anybody who has Irish blood

We have Yeah where do you got it You got everywhere My hands are really bad Dude I'm constantly going like this Yeah look look at my fingers You can see it on my fingers It's awful

Look at that You ever have it in a bad area Like your fucking tush Or your balls Yeah I mean we just met today But it is My balls are covered

In eczema bro I'm like I mean not eczmo But I'm always like I'm scratching like a motherfucker Dude I had a thing I've never even talking about this I had a thing I think I told you but I had a thing on the underside of my

sack and I had like a panic attack and I was like what could this be like what and my instinct is like cancer cancer cancer it's a fucking I'm gonna die that's it I'm dead yeah and I'm panicking I go to a doctor he's like we'll test it for everything but it doesn't look like anything you know like transmitted I said no okay well but is this cancer yeah he's like I doubt that dude and which means yeah probably cancer yeah yeah they test all they test all they Test the skin, all this stuff, because it was so uncomfortable. Then he comes back, he's like, no, nothing.

He's like, go to a derm. I go to this dermatologist. Yeah. Can't figure it out. He's like, I don't know. Then I go to another guy and this dude, like, without even, it took him seconds. He like lifted up my balls and was like, yeah, that's genital likes my man. I was like, wait, really?

Because it was only on the underside of my nuts. And he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's not a big deal. He hands me this thing within 12 hours it was gone. And I was like, this type of medicine kind of shit? Yeah, it was like a cream tube thing. And it was under my. my nuts, like right on the underside, and within 12 hours, gone. And I was like...

Does it come back, though? I haven't had it back because I put that shit on all the time. You put it on every day? Not every day, but I put it on, like, if I'm, like, going to be shvety, if I'm going to be shvety, like, play sport or go for a long run, or a long hike. No, I do put it on, yeah. You're so good at accents, dude. He said, is it a steroid?

He goes, no, so you can use it. Yeah. If he's like, if it was a steroid cream, which they give to people for shit, he's like, do not keep putting that on. He's like, no, there's no steroids in there. You're fine. You can use it. It doesn't matter.

Just throw it on if you feel something uncomfortable. I'm like... Go to my guy, dog. Every night I spend like a whole tube of cortisone cream just rub... Because I'll wake up in the middle of the night being like, fuck shit. All over your nuts. Yeah, but it's never on the pole. It's only on the nuts.

Yeah, it's never on the pole. Well, thank you. So to me, it's almost like I got over it at some point. I was like, if it's not on the pole, I don't really care. Yeah, but the, itches so much. And even my chick is like, you know, it's kind of gross that you're always itching your balls. You know what's gross? You have an open gash in your body. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gross. You're open, dude. Close up.

Yeah, but you know women. If I said that, it would be a whole fucking thing. Where if she has to say that and I go, I know, it's crazy. Yeah. Or I have to be like, that kind of hurt my feelings. And then if it's like, well, you hurt my feelings all the time. Oh, yeah, don't let them load up. Because they've been tacking it in their head of like all the times you said something rude. So they're like, oh, does that hurt your feelings? Yeah, yeah. You know what hurts my feelings?

Yeah, dude. Was your lady in comedy? she's in comedy yeah she's the reason i'm out here like uh she's doing this funnier die thing like you know how everybody's getting into the uh like a sketch no it's like the filming of sets like oh what is that one called everybody's getting into funnier not funnier it would or it is funnier does that's what i'm don't tell does i think don't tell like started that kind of thing and then so she's doing the funnier die version of it and i was like you know i haven't been in l.a for a while what's last time you came here a year ago yeah yeah you don't like it i love it oh you do i love it i just don't i love i i love i

I do love it. There's two kinds of New Yorkers. Either they fucking absolutely love this place or they're like, this is a hell whole fuck this place. I love it because I love, you know, Hollywood. I love it all. Fancy boy. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I love the vibe of L.A.

I'm jealous of these like young Hollywood skanks. You know what I mean? Like, you know, young Hollywood where they're always like, like the Charlie X people kind of like, you know, where they always have dead eyes. I love that. I always wanted to be a part of that group, but they never have a fat guy in the group.

There's never some guy being like... We will. Come on over, man. We'll embrace you. We take that in. I don't think I could live here. Yeah. I mean, you know... I can't, but we do.

Yeah. It just doesn't matter. I just don't care anymore. When I left Chicago, I wanted nice fucking weather for the rest of my life. And I keep saying, oh, maybe I'll leave. And then I walk my dog in February with a coffee in the morning and it's 62. And I'm like, what the fuck? Where am I going?

Do you like, would you live in New York? I love New York. I've spent chunks of time in New York. I love New York. And some of my closest. friends in my comedy world because my comedy class was weird like most of the guys I taped my half hour with with Comedy Central were all New York guys like the West Coast guys who'd you record that with my year was I think it's crazy you could look this up look up my year exactly but I

know it was within like a year or two that's when they first started doing them for my class it was like soda and Samarrel uh Norman Brooks wheelin was my West Coast guy on my showcase that's a whole group of really great guys yeah but it was just like a lot of my guys became it was a lot of East Coast guys on my thing and I I had met them doing shows and so it just kind of a lot of my friends became were New York comics and West Coast guys they come and they go like a lot of guys here they move for a little bit and then they move somewhere else so that you know I mean like New York guys why do you think that is that's strange to me this is a

hard place to fucking live if you're not from here I'll this reminds you why this is such a tough place to stay whenever you get past Colorado on a flight and you're like how much longer like two more hours you're like that's not even real that's how much more fucking space I've got to go before I get here yeah so when you're back east everything is baby b b b b b b b b it doesn't matter you can go home you can train and all that stuff I mean here it is kind of like annoying that you have to take a car but what's cool about this place is like if you're driving around down a road and you're like I fucking hate this city and then you can turn around you go oh look how beautiful this is like everything is so

it is well I do like we walk at night my wife and I walk at night and I will say the one thing I appreciate about, like, the valley where we are now. None of these houses are alike. They all just built them the way they want. Like, in this, from the 40s to the 70s, every architect was like, yeah, fuck, I put a door on that side. And they just did it out here. Long Island kind of has that, right?

Well, yeah, Long Island. I mean, it's so much space and all that stuff. But it's so fucking boring and there's no, there's no like real culture. I mean, the culture there is like eating babies' blood and lizard people. We do that here. Oh, yeah, that is this. But at least there here there's lights

And it says girls, girls, girls And there's liquor places everywhere And all this stuff And it's really cool Like the culture here I really enjoy Although it's like It's so eye-roly sometimes Like you get on a plane

Because we're always on I'm well we're always traveling to these like Cities where it's not L.A So you get on a plane to L.A Everybody's like working on their script They're all writing Everybody's like doing something And then it's like most planes that I get on

It's just a bunch of fat older people sleeping with the Fox News on the chair So it's like it is And that's just your seat And then next you Dude I don't That the people that work on planes

I wish I had the patience I'm either sleeping Yeah Or I'm watching a movie I don't think I've You don't work on planes Bro I've tried It's a nightmare I hate it

I wrote one joke I don't like this sucks It's just too much I don't know something's Like something happens with When I get on planes I'm too there's too much of people near for me to feel like when I work at a when I go to write somewhere like my favorite is hotel

hotel restaurants where I can tuck away in a corner oh dude I fucking there's like a romance to that I love well because people kind of come and they go but they don't stay long because they're in a hotel they got to go somewhere yeah where like a plane is like everyone and they're there and you're like yeah yeah I don't need it nearby oh god and then you know what I hate about planes too is uh is when you're they give you the little the little snacks I'm done with snacks on a plane yeah I don't do it anymore I'm like I'm like this and And I'm jittery and I'm a jumpy guy. Like, so if I think I'm about to spill, I'll go like this to overcompensate and then it'll spill everything.

He'll spill anyway? So I'm like, I'm waiting for the moment that I spill it on the person next to me or something. Oh, that's coming. Those days are coming. I know, so I'm done. I'm not having any of that. Give me the class. Did you get it?

Give me my class. Tone Bell. Yeah, Tone. Oh, Tone. Wait, Phil Hanley. John Donley. Donnell. New York.

Yeah. C.C., New York. New York. That's why. Wow. Who else was my class? Staling. Staling was my girl.

I love her. Randy Litke. Yeah, Litke. I used to love the Comedy Central Presents and stuff. When we got that, dude, I remember feeling like, well, that wasn't presents. That was called The Half Hour when they shifted. When they stopped giving a fuck about making your own background and stuff. So funny.

Just put it up at the same. Just put his name up. I would say that is... The beginning of the end? The beginning of the end of Comedy Central. I'm glad I was there for it. Yeah. Where they just go like, I'll just put their names in the background.

You go, what? Well, they were making sense. so much fucking money plug in playing these things and they realized that that was truly when the profiteering for comedy central became significantly more important than like making a show because when they were still doing presents you got to set design i remember talking to swartson about that like that's his his was cool fucking awesome i mean he just put a picture of like himself in the background yeah bill burrs was really cool too they just had some creative they let you like fun and i'm sure they had a budget but then when we went out there they're like dude we're

shooting six of these a fucking day get up and get out it's just a screen. It sucked, dude, and also your order meant a lot. Like, I remember talking to Tone Bell about that. We were, when we, when we get the order, it was like, who made the basketball team? Because you were like, fuck, I'm first. Like, it, and I felt, I think Morel, I believe Sam was can correct me, but I think he went first on their show, which is good or, it's, it could be good, but this is a, um, uh, streetwalked audience. So they're, they're papered audience for these tapings. They sit there for hours. They give, they give them breaks, which is even weird.

that they're like, all right, guys, go get coffee and come back. Don't do breaks. Don't do breaks. It was so bad. It's all about momentum. You got to keep it going. They didn't do that. They would pause for camera. People reset. But you know, you don't even really notice it when you're watching it. Like when you're young, we do, because we see it. We see it. But like, when you're, I remember being younger and just watching and being like, just paying attention to the jokes. And now, you can go back and watch all of them. And I'm like, oh, this crowd fucking sucks.

Yeah, this crowd blows. But the internet ruined that for us. I believe, I truly believe the internet did huge disservice to comedy, taped, filmed comedy, because Soder, I quote him all the time, Soder said it best, he goes, you know when someone's like, I like him, I like him better on a podcast, or I like him better on a, it's like, yeah, dude, because you're getting it straight from the tap right here, where that has to be packaged and prepared and manipulated and dictated. It's a, it's a thing where this, they're like, it's right from the hose. This is right from the fucking hose, and they can drink it up and be like, it's quick and

easy and it goes away and then tomorrow a new thing and a new thing yeah and so it's you have to keep fucking uh like i don't know about like my generation needs to keep putting shit out we do too you know otherwise we become more and more well that's why you see the older guys like the guys that i grew up like adoring like Colin Quinn is a good example of a guy who i was like one of the coolest guys of all time still is i'm saying he starts to get into internet stuff now because they know that's a piece of the fucking world just to stay just to stay in it because they need to do that. I don't think they want to. I don't think Othel wants to do podcasts. I mean, I know

he doesn't. When he came on bad, I could tell he was like, I'm going to eat some dates if that's okay. And he had a bag of dates, remember that? He's hilarious. Dude, I was watching him at the cellar the other night and he's doing this thing and he's like, let's talk about pizza. Pizza, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, somebody

from Australia is in the audience. And he goes, Australia, I'm sure you guys don't have good pizza, do you? And then the Australian guy who's trying to like one up him goes, no, no, but We got free health care, and everyone's like, oh, yeah, yeah, which to me would have been like, yeah, well, fuck you, bud, ha, ha, da, da, and the tell just goes, must be delicious. So I'm like, oh, my God, he's just such a pro, dude.

He is the best. Nobody's better at, like, the unfortunate truth about crowdwork clips that have kind of, like, encompassed our world is that the guys who should have the most of them don't do them. Like, his would be monumental. I mean, his crowdwork stuff is so good. and he kind of throws it away so often that you're like encapsulate that

show people that that's the fucking I know and he'll he never will he'd be like no no well but honestly he's still adaptable so when you talk to him about it he's like I just don't know how and you're like no you just get a guy he's like ah I don't want to do it

yeah I feel like Colin's kind of the same way he's like I just don't want to do that yeah they shouldn't have to for fuck sake like they're veterans it's almost like it's like give him the chair stand up he fucking he's been like the idea of like that they all have to do the thing that we're fucking constantly doing.

I mean, I don't want to do this. This sucks. I mean, I don't think anybody. I think I don't even think musicians want to fucking do it. Nobody wants to be a fucking streamer, online presence kind of person. We just want to like... Have fun and tell jokes.

Yeah, that was another character I did for my many SNL tapes that they just threw in the trash. How many times have you auditioned for SNL? Like, I didn't even audition. I'm just sending in tapes. Oh, sending in the tape. They're just going, they're putting their drinks on them. and like or like fixing

wobbly tables they go ah the new Sagalow came in put that on hey another one was a female Colin Quinn called Colleen Quinn

so it'd be like him being like you know I was at the mall the other day like bra shopping they never make bras that are good I don't have my tits the same size as my other tits I couldn't even come up

with material for it I like that dude Colleen Quinn is so good Quinn, yeah, yeah. But you dressed up as a Colleen Quinn as... Did you put on a wig and shit? I wore a wig and I was just going like, you know, I went to get my nails done the other day. You can believe this?

Did Colin ever see that? Have you ever showed it? Yeah. Did he like it? I don't know. No, he hated it. I have a feeling every single person that ever sees an impression of them hates it. Yeah, unless they're so...

Unless they are a caricature. Like, if it's like Gilbert Godfried, it's like... well yeah dude you're so much like the problem is when you're doing an impression as someone who that's just kind of who they are that's when it hits them because they're like I don't fucking sound like that yeah dude yes like I know secretly burr hates when I do

burr because they showed it to him one time on one of those like clips and he was like yeah Santino yeah he does it or whatever the fuck if I could feel him being like that's hilarious he goes yeah yeah I guess so I guess I do do I say brutal that much

I don't think I do but whatever Dude. I know, but I'm not, the best guy at it is, like, if we're talking Soder, like, Soder is the best impressions guy that you wouldn't even think is an impressions guy. Yeah, he didn't look, I mean, you wouldn't know. You wouldn't call him, you wouldn't be like, he's not like, uh, what's his name that was doing Madden or anything. Like, you're, he's not an impression guy. Oh, what is his name? Frank Calliando. Frank Colliando.

That guy was fucking unreal. At one point I was, when his Gruden was so good, he sounded exact, come on, you guys. The way, dude, he was, there's only one comic I can do flawlessly. Okay. And I'm sure you've heard me, maybe I've heard seen me do it. But my Normand is, is undefeated. Oh, I think I have seen you do Norman. Hey, hey.

Give me anything that he says. Give me something to say. Yeah. Well, he does say, he says stuff like, well, that's not fair a lot. Yeah, well, that's not fair. Whoa. That is really good. People get creeped out.

Holy shit. And I think he hates it. Like, I think Norman doesn't like, because I think I did it to him on, we might be drunk when they were in L.A. And he would just go like this. Of course. Yeah. He goes, huh. Yeah, creepy.

I don't like that. Dude, that is creepy. I mean, you're reaching a register that, like, I have a Norman, obviously. Everybody in New York has a norm. I mean, there's somebody that I know that does a really funny and Norman impression that isn't quite complimentary to Mark, although we love, hey, we love Mark. We love Mark.

We love Mark. We love Mark. We love Marky Mark. Someone has an impression of Mark where they go, why can't a man say the N word? well that's not fair that's like his whole why can't a man say the N word

is so funny to me why can't a man say the N word that's not fair that's so good dude what the fuck that's better than any impression I don't even know how I said I think I started it again

because Mark and I and those guys have known each other that was what was that Comedy Central had been seven 16 years or 15 years ago 2015 and Mark did the season prior oh he did the one before yeah dude I remember meeting him

hearing his voice and be like, that is the most dynamic. And it was not like a put on. Because when you sit and you just chat with Mark, it's that. It's just a little bit quieter. But not like when you meet a guy and then you see them on stage and you're like, that's not how he sounds. Oh, yeah, especially with, you know, a lot of people are doing like black sense on it. Do you know any comedians? Hey, let's get into it.

Dude, honestly, we talk about it all the time. It drives me nuts. It's insane. What is that? I was talking to this guy. I was at New York Comedy Club in New York. I don't even know why I have to say that I was in New York Comic Club Cincinnati

and I'm talking to this guy who I came up with in the scene and he had moved to L.A. And he was back and we're catching up. How are you, man? Good, good, good. And then somebody came into the green room, hey man, you're up in two and he goes, oh, okay, I'm going to go feel the vibe. And then he walks in and then I hear him get on stage and he's like, what's up motherfuckus? How are you doing? I'm like, I'm like, this isn't you. It really upsets me as somebody who uh raps i i hate seeing the black scent the the the black scent thing

is pervasive but it's also it's two white comics who um it's so ill-fitting for their personality that's what weirds me out yeah like if when it's like by the way gary owen doesn't even do it as bad as some of the young and gary owen is an only black audience yeah and even gary you can tell still refrains from getting too like too much but then you see these white guys that are from I'm like, like fucking Western PA and they're like, oh, yo, yo, yo, yo, this motherfucker is crazy. Oh, I hate it, dude. Even hearing you doing that, it feels like somebody's like stomping on my brain. I think I know the guy that you were referencing that you started with that move to your and moved back.

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Well, Gary, Owen, is great at it because he, like, when you come up in that scene, you know, if I put this on too much, they're going to see right through. 100%. So I can't do that. No, you can, by the way, whenever I did phenomenal in black rooms or non-full white rooms when it was like, you know, if it was, if it was, a black room or even an east side room, like if it was a lot of Mexicans in L.A. The more white I was, the more they liked me. Well, yeah. So I always

found it counterintuitive when someone would get up there and be like, you know what the fuck I'm talking about. And I was like, why are you saying that? So the opposite of what you should be doing because, like, not to be like, this is how it should go. But you see that a lot with when people follow someone who's really dirty. They're like, oh, fuck, I got to be dirty.

And you go, no, no, no. This crowd just saw someone who's dirty. They don't want to see the same thing all the time. So it's almost the same thing in a... In the black scent world. Yeah, in the black scent world. And also, like, you know, crowds like authenticity.

So if you're going up and you're being like, yo, yo, they can... You can always tell when someone's using a word that you're like, you're forcing yourself to say tripping. You know what I mean? You go, and I'm tripping right now, but you go, I don't think so.

What's the other thing I hate that you say? What do you say that? You say it? Oh, I say fire. Fire. I fucking hate that. So, but that's just because he's young. He's 26. But he would go, we'd be on the tour, and he'd go, off the bus.

He'd be like, yo, that food was fire. And I would like, stop it. You were making it sound like I was doing more of a black accent. I just go, oh, that was fire. No, no. You would say- That sucks, though, dude. That sucks.

I'm trying to be on your side, man. No, but sometimes you would go, that shit's fire. You would say that shit's fire. Don't fucking lie. We both got, we all got annoyed with it. And then we made you change fire to what? Good? No, I said you have to, every time you were going to say,

fire his name was it Gary Busey no wasn't Gary Busey no no who was it you had to say it like Gary Busey something like Matt Lauer but it wasn't Matt Lauer might be right what I was a different television show host it was a television show host and I said every time you're gonna say fire in your mind replace it with this guy's name so he started doing it it was actually really fucking good that's Lauer bro that's Lauer dog which actually made it cooler I can't stand the black sense shit dude it really upsets me well you as a as a as a rapper.

You do rap, though. I do rap, but it's almost like when I, because people want, I don't know, people want, but they're like, why don't you do more stuff with that? You should, though. I go, but I'm, my dream is what I'm doing now.

Comedy. Comedy. You know, just try to get the best at this, right? And when I'm rapping, it just sounds corny to me, to me. I'm like, when I'm when I'm rapping. When you're spitting bars. When I'm spitting my, bars.

It's almost like I'm making a macaroni frame for my parents. I'm going, you're not going to sell this. This is unsellable. But this is just something that I want to do. But they'll enjoy it. It's like Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy wraps. Did you know that? Shut off. He raps. Does he? Does he? Yeah. Does he put out an album

or anything? I think he has some stuff out. But I don't know if anything recently because... Tom Hardy wraps? Yeah, dude. I'm going to tell my wife. I don't know. I might be... No, yeah. His rap aliases are face-puller and Frankie Pulitzer. Oh, I like Frankie Pulitzer. Frank, Frankie Pulitzer's

but face puller's whack. Face pullers. But I will say, it's whack as fuck. But I will say Tom Hardy, that turns me off a little bit about him because I think he's my wife's like number one. Like that's the one that my wife is like, I want to pipe that dude. Right. And I'm like, go off, queen. Yeah. But I, but that he does

a few things recently where I go, that makes me a little that makes, I'm turned on less, like I'm turned off, but like that Tom Hardy should not rap. No. No, that doesn't fucking fit. Also, UK UK rap, cut it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, down in the streets, we're gonna

party, uh, huh, huh. Yeah, it doesn't sound good. He was featured on a Tsarface song, like the Inspector Deck. No fucking way. No way. But what did he say? Was it one verse? Yeah. Do you want to hear some of it? Yeah, can we hear it for real? Yeah, I would love to hear this. I'm getting

to get pissed off. This is going to piss me off. I mean, he could be bad. He could be bad? Come on. I don't know, dude. I don't know. It's a It's not that hard to rap, and I think it starts with L-O-L-O-L-O. Let me hear. Oh, God. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Okay.

People saying Frankie Man, that do you think of that. Through the knowledge, too bad, put on your thinking cast. I like it. I think this... Fuck you, dude. Get out of here. He sounds like NEMS. You know NEMS?

Yeah. Fuck your life. Fuck you. Yo, fuck your life. Yeah. You kind of sound... Look, I'm into it. I can't shit on stuff like that because I am doing stuff like that.

I know, dude, but you're- No, it's different. There's something that is very, um, cringy about actors who want to do too much. You're like, we let you get away with this. You're playing other people. Cut it out. Well, rapping is so hard to do both with, unless you're like completely authentic. But that's the thing. It has to be you.

So when people do it, that's not them. You're, when you do it, by the way, what I think I told you, I think when you rap it's funny and clever and good and like I'm in on it like I'm in with you when I hear that kind of stuff it just it bums me out

because as a kid of like 90s hip hop that I fell in love with anytime people try to like sneak into it from the other world I was like get the fuck out of here you don't get to fucking do that especially if you're doing it so like if you're

like you know how bad I want to talk about like having weapons when I'm rapping but it's like no one would ever buy that no one would ever if I'm putting this out

no one's ever gonna buy it did you hear Brendan got a gun like everyone's like why did he fucking do that that's not cool at all yeah no it's a part of his persona sticks with the lasers

you know or whatever that's very English rap don't bob me chutney you've got nothing on me all right there mate I got bars in a bowl of clover it drives me nuts and drives me

fucking nuts hello hello I got balls in a bullet clover sticks with the raisins You're just like What are you saying dude But it is so fun man That's fun

To me than them trying to be Like is there a comedy UK rapper because then I'd be into it Like if it was someone doing You know how like Little Dicky does it In his world here Right yeah If there was a comedy that

I'd be like this is kind of fucking cool I'm sure there is I mean yeah No because they take themselves crazy serious about it over there I know there was that one guy who was like he I think he was doing it as like a posh rapper and he's going like

I'm doing up tennis You ever said video? No that's rare though I actually like that I'm Dennis the menace doing up tennis It's like shit like that but yeah I mean it's all about authenticity Like Dave's good at the You're like that's who that guy is

Right but that's why I always appreciated Dave Like when we first work together I even said to him I go you know I Comically publicly I've been like Fuck white rap I hate I always it. When I was a kid, I was always like, fuck white rap. And I said, but your rap is you. It's not him

pretending to be like, no, he's like, no, I'm from Cheltenham outside of Philly. I'm from a nice suburb. And when he does that, I go, right, this disarms the idea that you're like putting on a front for someone to go. Because even in the, I watch those battles sometimes

online. Oh yeah, dude. And the funniest battles are the ones where they like call out a dude hardcore for pretending to be something. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, you know, my, you know, like, my sisters went to school with yours. Like, we went to soccer practice together. I love when they do that. I'm like, get him, get him, get him, get him. I love that. That's what it's the most fun. Clarence has both parents kind of shit. But my buddy Rone, who's in New York, do you know him? He's a Barstool guy.

Yeah, Adam. He's a, he's a, he's a battle rapper, and he does, um, he's the kid that's, that, they from Philly. He does a lot of Acapella shit. Is that him? I don't know. Now I got a look. Yeah, R-R-O-N-E. look him up but he he does these things in New York right now called compliment battles oh I've seen that and it's so fucking funny and so great because these guys are being like Rhone

these guys are being like I'd love for you to give me a massage what's his name Adam Ferone Adam Ferron I've seen this kid a lot I've seen him a lot online like he is very good he is so fucking good and he does these compliment

battles and I've been trying to get to him but I can't just... Why don't you go do one? Oh, I can't. These guys are too good. You could do it. Oh, me? Don't make me sing.

But it's all, it's all written, so it's like, who gives this shit? I did a battle rap once. You did? One time for the New York Comedy Festival, this guy... Who did you kill? I didn't kill any. Who did you fuck up? Dude, it was, it was, we were at Caroline's before it closed down, R-I-P.

Oh, yeah, that's, I forget. Every time I forget that place closed down. Can you believe that? I heard rumors that they're starting up again, but just rumors. gonna open this not in the sign because then they sell that to a ping pong place now is it really it's a ping pong place people play ping pong and you go you go you know how many

fucking meltdowns I've had in this room same thing go talk to some words these words cut to me these words you're on the wall of shame they're like yeah he had a breakdown here but they did a they because there's a few comedians who fancy themselves as rappers whom

the guy I went up against was this dude named Alex Acefo I don't think you know But he does music and stuff. And he, to his credit, he was very good. But there was just something that my buddy, Mike Cannon said to me. I love Mike. Yeah, Mike's the best, dude. He's like one of my best friends.

And I was tripping about it. And I'm going, dude, I don't know if this is good. I don't know if this is good. And he's like, you're a comedian. He's like, you're not a rapper. This is a, you're a comedian. Yeah, who cares. And this is for the New York Comedy Festival.

Just be funny. And I was like, oh, man. And it completely drained all that nervousness out of me. And I was funny. I thought I was funny. I was killing. I was going, you know, and I had a couple of bars here and there. You could look it up.

Did you find it? Brendan Sagalow. Yeah, you can. I want to hear it. I want to hear a piece of it. Don't play the whole thing because it does go like, it's long and it does suck after a while. But, and also, not for nothing, I was supposed to do this show and then go to Mike's, Mike does this show for the New York Comedy Festival where you take like 200 milligrams of

weed and you... 200? Yeah, and you do like... That's an awful lot of fucking weed, dude. Yeah, yeah. And you... Like, a hundred is a lot. I know. I'm like, I can't fucking do that, dude. And you're, you do basically stand up on the spot. You have a panic attack in front of a crowd. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So I was supposed to do that show second, for obvious reasons. Like, go to the rap battle, then do this show. But when I went to Carolines,

you know, surprise, surprise, the rat battle was running a bit behind. and who's organizing this thing I'm supposed to be on stage right now oh god damn it and so then I so I had to rearrange the night and I went to New York Comedy Club where Mike was doing his show

and we I did the so I'm like high as fuck in this and I'm like desperately holding like holding on and I got to Carolines and it was a rap battle Like, it was like people being like, yeah, and I'm like, dude, I don't think I can fucking do this. Yeah. I'm like, they're going to be yelling at me.

And it's like, it felt like the walls were sweating. Oh, I fucking, dude. You're giving me panic thinking about that. And the guy who went against me, he was hitting me. Like, he wasn't like funny. He was, he was just hitting me, called my girlfriend like a skank or some shit. He was just like, called me fat. He was like, blah, blah, like he was okay.

And then I was just like, all right, here I go. Here I go. So, yeah. You load it up? Let me hear some of it. The first couple of minutes. Come on, let me hear just a minute. We can cut it out, Joe, if we don't get copyrights.

Who owns it? Reggie Cush. He runs the thing, so I think he'll... Let me hear it. I think it'll be okay. Yeah, let's hear it. Picture this. Picture this.

I'm so hot. Me on a seafo, sea boat with hose doing coat with a boat of sea note. One of my hose is hungry, and she's looking for some free dough, so I call my waiter over, and it's about. That's a Zipo. That's great. That's what I like, okay. When you crack the first laugh. When you crack, yeah, you go.

But I'm like, pause this, by the way. Even now I'm like gripping onto this. This was terrifying. No, that was so good. This is funny that you say this, by the way. I see kind of a little bit of going through it, but then once, like, it's sometimes when I get really stoned on stage,

and I don't do it as much as I used to, but it was when I was working out stuff, there was a moment of like, come on, dude, please crack. Please cry, please cry. And then when it crash you, oh, whew, big breath. And everything then flows. Yes, and there's this, there is this, I don't really, I'm trying not smoke weed to, like, late, late, like, right before I go to sleep now.

Or, like, when I'm done with everything. But when you're high and you're at a good part with an edible, like, there is a sweet spot with an edible where you're like, you just get into this, like, flow state on stage where everything you say is fucking hilarious. But it's such a small little... A tiny window. It's a tiny window. And if you have one little cocktail, someone's like, dude, have a drink. And then you're like, oh, no, no, no. Yeah, and then you're like, fucking gone.

You're like, what's the difference between, you start doing Chris Rock jokes? Something you're like, uh, uh, they should, if they wouldn't even buy a gun if bullets were $5,000. Did you wait, did you take the $200 for that? I'm, I'm on 200 milligrams. How do you, I, dude. And by the way, Mike Cannon, shout out to Mike Cannon. We love Mike Cannon. We love Mike Cannon.

We love Mike Cannon. This motherfucker do, me, him and DeStefano went to a St. John's game at the garden one time and you know Mike doesn't drink yeah and I was like I think Chrissy and I were both not I was like I don't think I'm gonna have a cocktail whatever Mike was like oh do you want do you want some weed and I was like

yeah I don't really like I like to smoke I don't really like to eat anymore and he was like oh okay and then DeStefano was like oh he's on like 500 milligrams right now yeah and I was like right now you're at a public event he goes crazy I think he's stopped too but his no more weed for Mike anymore

yeah he kind of I mean he's taking he wants to get back to being able to take like 10 milligrams and just chill but he was like his anxieties through the roof like we both kind of decided like we're like I'm gonna stop doing well edibles are what I think edibles uh my generation I think still is half in half out on edibles like well do them once in a great while I'd rather smoke a joint like and my friends at my house like guys my age that come over everyone that we grew up with everyone's like oh smoke a joint yeah love because it's communal it's a thing when when I want to do edibles with people, I'm always like, this is going to hit us

differently. Yeah. I'd rather us all get high at the same time. Right. We're all going to be like, it's going to hit us differently. We're all going to be like, I always said like, you know how high you are by how long, how many times you're going into the bathroom to look at yourself. I'm like, oh, God. Or this guy? Yeah, when you're like, do I fucking beating hard? What's going? Yes, and you feel it going, dund-dun-dun-d-d-dun. I even said that

one time to my wife, I was like, can you see my heart in my neck? And she's go, go sit down, dude. You're fucking embarrassing. Go sit down. And Mike's edibles are like, I don't know where he gets them, but they're, they're, they're just panic-inducing. I took one time, oh, dude, the year or two, the year or two after I did JFL for the first time, when I did new faces, they asked me for the next year class, or maybe it was two years later, to host the auditions.

Yeah. So the Hollywood Improv Lab, and I'll never forget. I was living up the street in West Hollywood, and I would walk to the improv all the time because it was really close, but I would usually, like, smoke a joint. and someone had given me like a hash-laced whatever not late it's a bad word a hash strewn joint whatever but i knew that going into it but i had met up with a buddy um had a cocktail and then i was like all right i'm gonna walk down to the improv rip this and then i'll come see you guys afterwards i smoked this joint and i got i felt great and then i got there and thank god

they don't i maybe they do have this recorded i panicked like i was like oh fuck i'm so fucking i was way too high. And I had to host an audition for these kids. They were trying to go to JFL. And I get up there and I'm eating just like gallons of dick. And it's never stopping. Dude, it feels like everything out of my mouth is bad. And you're also doing it in front of industry

and you're going like, oh my God. Because I went up there kind of confident but also like uncomfortable. And so they could feel they were like what's going on with him? And I ate shit. And then I was like, let's bring up the first comic. And I was like, oh my God, dude. And then I had to go back on and keep bringing people and even then they were like can you like entertain like get the room to uh fuck that and after that i was like i'm never gonna get roofed before i have to do something that i know those auditions

always suck anyway well i feel bad for everyone that does them because that's why i felt bad because i was like sorry i didn't like bring the energy up in the thing yeah but they do suck because every idiot's in this you know sitting there staring i'll yell at the industry in the back like during like the opening set like before i start start the show and it really only worked once and then I kept trying to do it and it was just like bombed. It just kept bombing because you're trying to, me trying to recreate the magic. Because they'll ask me to host it

every once in a while and one time I was like, you know, I was like, okay you guys, you're great. Industry, we all know you fucking suck it at being audience members. You better laugh, have fun, act like you're not controlling the fucking gates of all of this, blah, blah, blah. And it worked and it was a great show.

And then the next year they're like, that was so good. Can you host the auditions again? I was like, yeah. And I was like, And industry, fuck you. And you fucking, I hate you guys. Like I'm trying to recreate it. They're like, Jesus, man. Brendan, can we talk to you about how you introduced the first?

We didn't really like the rhythm of that. Okay, this next guy's from fucking Seattle. What year? Did you do, JFL? Yeah, 2022. Yeah. My class was... New faces, unwrapped?

What was it? New faces unwrapped. Hell yeah. Which was... Are you rep now, dog? Oh, I'm rep, baby. Reped dog? Fucking UTA.

Hell yeah. Yeah, throw it up. Actually, I think we may have the same agent. Who? Chris Golo? No. Oh. Were you with him at any point?

No, but these guys like to say that we were. Like, a lot of times I'll hear a guy be like, that guy said he was your agent. I was like, that guy wasn't my fucking agent. I don't, I could be fucking. I could be messing with shit up. But I've been at UTA for a long time. Chris Golo's touring, right? Yeah.

No, Nick Nuciforo. Oh, yeah. Nick Nuciforo. I like him. Honestly, dude, they're fine. I don't even know. Like if I like the guy That's what

Or girl But if I like the person I'm always like This is fun They're robbing me It doesn't What's the difference? Yeah

You know the old quote is This has got to be like some Carrie Grant bullshit You know sitting around smoking But it was Agents sit around Sorry Actors sit around

In a circle And they go Can you believe We gotta fucking give these guys 10% And then agents sit around a circle Can you believe we give These fucking guys 90% Like that

That's how we think of each other as like, well, Bill, you're lucky, I'm giving you anything. And they're like, you're lucky if I can get anything. Right. They, uh, yeah, they're really kind of not doing much, but nobody, they don't, well, that's, there's just good to have somebody. It is, but I've, just take care of this, please. I've said this, uh, on this show,

everybody should look up the clip of, uh, at the, um, at a commencement ceremony, uh, the speech of, the Calvary is not, the Calvary is not coming. Is that what it is? Yeah. Who's that? It's, uh, Duplas. Mark Duplas. Oh, I love that. And commencement speech, I don't know what the school is,

but he did a speech, and it's called The Calvary is not coming, right? It was at South by Southwest Live, 2015. Oh, that's what it was. Okay. I feel like he did it at a school, too. But he did this whole thing and basically trying to emote to young creators, performers, being like, don't think they're sending in the fucking, like, I've been in the business for 20 years.

No one sent in shit. Like, whenever someone's like, hey, you got that thing. And you're like, dude, you had to, like, break next to. to get near it. Yeah. And then even when you got near it, they were like, we still don't know if it's real yet. Yeah. And you're like, well, when is it real?

They're like, it's not, you fucking idiot. But he was trying to say, no matter what he's created, no matter what he's built, everyone assumes, okay, this got nominated for something, the cavalry's coming. Yeah. Like they're going to come calling. No. But they just don't. No.

Unless you're Margo Robbie. Yeah. There's only a few industry babies that they're like, let's, but you also see it with these people, especially now because there is, like, the industry's crumbling, I guess. and everybody kind of has to make their own way. You see these guys that when I started out, they were just like, let's give them everything kind of thing. Oh, yeah.

Whatever, you know, it is what it is. I kind of feel bad for those people now because they don't know how to make their own way. They're like, oh, God. Like, you see people like going on podcasts and not knowing how to talk. Yeah. And it's like, buddy, I've been podcasting for as long as I started.

Right. And you guys didn't because you were, oh, well, I don't want to say anything because Comedy Central might. you know cancel my blah blah blah and da da da da da so then they're on podcast being like yeah what it was fun i give a lot of credit to fucking marin for that genuinely because marin was like the first shit talker on pods yeah who like adamantly was like like when rogan started his it was like it was very much like inquisitive and stony he was very stony on his and like it was kind of like dudes having fun

but Marin was the first guy to be like fuck that that stinks and everyone was like whoa you can just say that that shit sucks yeah and it gave us a little bit of resonance to be like yeah dude fuck those guys that network stinks they treated me like shit yeah it kind of opened up a gap

of what now is like free reign comedian speaking their mind which is a piece of the reason I think the business is like oh shit yeah because well well like I said it finally yeah I mean I'm I'm not quite I'd love to get like that like to 100% being like go fuck yourself like

well you don't need to do it unless they fucked you over i don't i don't think it's like vitri for vitro for vitro's sake but there's moments where you're like you know who fucked me over my first album deal with this company and they shit the bed and fuck me over and yeah and you they should people should hear it because for years they were like shut up take the money and go home and be quiet you're like you didn't even pay me that much well like the guys that i yeah exactly it's like yeah yeah viacom's like we send you a hat you don't like the sweater you don't like the sweater Come on. All right.

All right. Your girlfriend doesn't like sleeping in that. It's a Toshpoint O sweater. We set you three of them. Yeah, but like I was watching that Stans documentary, the M&M documentary recently. And there's a guy who's like, it's pretty good. I mean, as an M&M fan, you go like, oh, good, some of these guys are really, like, I thought I was a big Eminem fan. Like, this is like, this is out of this world.

And then there's also a part of me that's like, I guess I wasn't as special as I thought. Oh, my God. I know. I know. go path. But anyway. So Eminem was your number one. Oh, buddy. Still. Still is. I mean, I wanted to be him so bad. I was like in fifth grade writing songs about

how I'm going to kill my wife. The teacher's finding that. I must have been like, Jesus, man. But in the documentary, one of these Rolling Stone A&R guys talked, he's talking about, I mean, it is his fault.

He did like, he followed Marshall into a bathroom when they were like really young or whatever and he was like he comes out of the stall he hears him puking in the stall and he comes out of the stall and the guy's like hey man I'm an A&R with Rolling Stone like da-da-da-da-da

and Eminem just burps in his face and then leaves and I'm like that's so fucking cool man I thought you were going to tell the twisted story of the A&R guy's like that looks like mom's spaghetti and he's like whoa wait a minute one second dog don't you be writing a song right now

but yeah like if that were me and the guy's like hi I'm an AR&R at Rolling Stone I'd be like oh hello I'm very nice to meet you what's your name again you know I'd be like such a we all have that yeah we all have that bitch shit

but I mean maybe it stems from a little bit of well I don't know you well enough to say this but like a little of imposter syndrome like I think it's inescapable at some point yeah yeah do you hear that what was that it's not it's an earth mover I don't hear it over the mics

fucking earth mover I feel it Because they're doing construction right there. It's an earth mover. That happened at the other pod, and I was like, we thought it was someone turning up bass in the studio, and I was like, who the fuck is doing that? It's an earth mover. Yeah.

Oh, fuck, Skid Row just moved up. No stairway. Chill. No stairway. Speaking of Mark Marin. What do you think about the comp? I love that every couple of years, there's these comedy civil wars. Oh, with him and the beef at everybody.

We talked about it pretty heavily. Like, I just, you know, no, well, you know what it is to me? is like this is kind of what happens when there becomes this divisive moment in any business where people are like

and by the way I think this is rooted all in politics so they're like choose aside and you're like shut the fuck up we don't need to no one needs to choose

we're comedians people can go you can float as freely as you want it I always bring it back to like when I was a young comic I only played east side rooms

I couldn't get into the store I mean I just wasn't I didn't get past and so I played east side room so a lot of the guys I started with like a lot of dudes in my world were like we had Johnny on you know yesterday

like Johnny Pemberton and Jake Wiseman and Hampton yeah like a lot of these dudes and Whitmer Thomas a lot of Eastside guys who were alt guys or whatever the fuck you want to call it I don't know what they call it today but like I did a lot of those rooms and I was able to kind of like touch there

and then go to the corporate fucking do an improv booked out show you know a bringer show and a lot of them were like don't fucking go over there but I wanted to touch all the bases that's what I think comedy always should have been, which I like to see now more than ever, because you see

great comics can do all of it. And I feel like that's a lot of this subroute of the beef of comics. You're on that side, you're on this side. It's like, no, you're not, dude. You're wherever you fucking feel like being. I can be friends with everyone in every circle. I don't care if it's super performative, altie shit,

subversive comedy, or it's fucking, you know, corporate stand-up. I'm friends with a lot of guys, so I think the beef comes from this old insecurity of like you should pick a side man right and that's old school shit i don't know it's like coming back because we did kind of get rid of it but i think because of politics embedding itself in comedy everyone feels like you're supposed to choose man it's just like a pendulum and it always swings which is both uh like heartbreaking and hopeful i guess you're kind of like like anytime it's like

oh god we're arguing again about the sides and that you go that'll be gone in like five years and then it's heartbreaking because I'm like but then it's gonna come back it will come back but this shit's gotta go I'm friends enough over the years with so many different kinds of comics from different walks

I feel like we're letting the outside world dictate how we're supposed to feel about each other which I think is like we've never met we met one time no I think I met you one time where at that strip club

I feel like I thought I met you one at the cellar yeah oh yeah I think I met you one time but like I knew I was gonna get along with you I knew I liked you from afar and like I can we I can get along with comics because I like comics yes me too so there's this weird sub thing of like but what if he doesn't think of the way you think about stuff it's like that's I don't give a fuck dude yeah I mean we're it's like it's comedians like nobody we don't know we're not smart none of almost none of us are like there's two of them that are smart and are they even really smart like who are you

I think that, I think the smartest comedians alive are probably, um, is, is, uh, is Gallagher still live? No, he died. All right, he died. Yeah, dude, he was a rocket scientist. Really? No, I have no, I have no, I have no idea. I would say who's the highest intellect comedian alive truly is probably like, um, probably some,

oh, actually, you know who I think is, this is, this sounds like a kiss-ass thing. I think Nick Mullins is probably an actual genius. I think he's actually probably a fucking genius He's so quick, so smart I just his, the way that he thinks is very brilliant. So I'm like well that's actually a smart guy. Yeah. Like you can, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, guys that professed to be smart? Yeah, they're fucking idiots. Right. But I think someone like Nick is who, I think he's actually brilliant. Right, and he never talks about being smart. No, because he actually is very smart. And you can tell by the way he dictates things, you go, that's what a smart guy sounds like. I'm cool with being a dummy. Oh, we're dumb. Yeah, we're dumb. I like being dumbbo. I'm cool with that.

anyone's asking for anything. I just make faces. I do sounds. You know, I have bits that's like, what if Batman, you know, was gay? What if he was, by the way? Yeah, he goes, where's the Joker's penis? Robin, get in here. Robin. Yeah, you go, because, you know, I'm turning 30. Can I, like, wear long pants now? No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. Wow. So we're just going to change everything. And I'll be Oh, I'll be a dog. I'll be dog man. No.

Tradition. That means something here in the Batcave. Sir, your bed is prepared and Robin is waiting. Thank you, Alfred. That's your Alfred. What is Alfred in your head? I always go to Michael Kane. Michael, Kate.

Yes, sir. Well, the old Batman, the oldest Alfred was, what was that actor's name? he was actually pretty cool because he looked like he was on the brink of dying and I really enjoyed that it was like he was keeping around this guy

he could have just let retire yeah like just let that guy fucking retire Alfred would not want to retire he's got to see Bruce you say that dude but he's got a lake house somewhere I'm so tired

I'm so sick of building who's his name Michael Go Michael Goh yeah that was like he was the original grappling hooks and he's like oh my god

from Burton's Batman Burton's Batman yeah but he looked a thousand years old and I was like that's that's what the that's Alfred in my mind a little bit I the Michael Kane is the only reason I've shy away from him is because he was so famous and recognizable right I like that that guy I didn't know who that was when I was a kid almost that whole Batman series the Nolan Batman series is kind of like what if these famous people were Batman and that began this run of like yeah it's well they picked up the baton from like the Clooney era yeah and the uh uh uh um Val Kilmer era which was just so strong strange, dude.

Yeah, with the nipples and all that stuff. But you might disagree with me, because it could be in age things. I think, I think truly the best Batman is Robert Pattinson. 100%. Undoubtable. I actually do

like that Batman. I like that it's like this noir detective kind of shit. Because that is kind of what it is supposed to be. Yeah. And then like, it somehow got this seven up kind of like through the you know, whatever happened. Now he's this like goofy. Well, I guess it was always kind of goofy,

wasn't it? A little bit, but I think yeah, I guess a little bit, but I mean the originalist. I think a lot of the camp came from the television series. Well, that's because Adam West was a campy. That was like, what's going on? That's good. And hanging on to

like a buoy in the ocean. And those fake sharks that they had jumped up, like, I remember those. You know the first thing I ever saw of you? I think I was like in not to, you know, I think I was in high school. but uh... is uh...

when you there's a laugh factory video of you doing the this Indian accent oh yeah dude that was that was I thought you were Indian for like a year I did a fake they must have ripped it for you

well actually the original story was there was a comic Raj Sharma and the night was so bad like people were tanking shit and I remember Raj in the back because I would do it to him all the time I was like

already doing man man and we'd go back and forth I'm so jealous I can't do that voice we would do it all the time and we'd be sitting in the back oh it's right there it is wow and we'd be sitting in the back I'm a thousand of those likes by the way and we'd be sitting in the back like just fucking around and Raj um the crowd was bad and I can't remember oh god I it was Brent but and then somebody got off stage and was like fuck man like it was so bad and you could tell the vibe I was like well I don't want to fucking go on like yeah and Raj was like just too fucking in that Indian accent that we

do do that character where you're like not even from here because I would do it to him all the time and if he was like with a girl he'd be like this is my buddy from home and I was like yeah man are you coming back this year because you're not going to go home and we would sell it as a bit and she'd be like is he really a white guy from India and he'd be like no he is for real by the way Raj Raj is from Dallas he doesn't have an accent it's my favorite but but we would sell it and he was like get on stage and do it and I did it unknowing like thinking like this is a throwaway set but it actually was kind of fun and worked yeah and I had no idea they ever filmed that and then they kind of threw it up it was literally worried when when they when like I mean this

was I think before any anybody got like in trouble I was a little or even worried that you're like shit am I going to get like booked as this like this act no no because honestly this was kind of long enough ago where it was just like viral clips were starting to ruminate in from the laugh factory thing and then and then it went to a dead stop because burr got filmed one time and I remember he got into a huge fight about it because they had started filming comics kind of without discretion without your with putting them up with oh yeah dude oh yeah and then finally like Burr was one of the first he's done this a lot and a lot of these older guys have been like the hero for

he's like you're not even fucking paying these guys they're like well they get paid for their spot it's well then you're making money on YouTube aren't you's the best well that was also when we didn't really know you were making money on YouTube like no one figured it out yet yeah and then so him and a few other comics were like fuck that and then finally they started paying comics and it became a war and then they ripped it down and then blah blah but I didn't know any better I didn't even know they did it I was told they put it up and then I saw it so I was stoked about it but then I thought are people gonna be mad I'm doing that Indian accent that we do privately between Raj and I it's like pre cell phone I mean people had someone but it was like pre filming a comic yeah but it's almost like I think we're at an age right now where you you have that that thought of like are people gonna be mad at this and you go oh wait there's no consequences for anything any of us do literally you can do you get the you know

the rage shit all the time on like in your comments I mean not you me I'll like look at stuff and I'm like I had a video where I was like I said sorry after something offensive and one of the comments was that that white chubby boy ain't sorry he's always flagrant and I was like that's fucking hilarious

that's so great Is it just Andrew Schultz wrote that to plug his own show Mean that's flagrant That dog ain't flagrant Plugging his show on your comments section, watch Flagrant 2 every Tuesday at 3 Yeah, Mark Gagnon

Yeah, so it's like But there's no, nobody cares anymore Really Because I think Although context is lost Now in comedy, it truly is There's so much noise That it almost, even if someone's like

Oh, that was wild they said that Yeah But there's like guys, there's people online That I see on TikTok I don't remember the guy's name, but he says the most racist wild shit at a computer Yeah. Just him at a computer.

The guy with a mustache. Yeah. What's that fucking dude? He says the most wild out of pocket chip. What, really? All the time. It's all his rage bait. It's the same thing every time.

It's just trying to upset people. But it's working because he's got millions of views, dude. But they know it's... But everybody knows that he's doing this deliberately and it's making money. And so anything a comic says controversial, it's bullshit. Right, right. It doesn't land in that... We're so...

We used to be the guys that, like, said a thing that people were like, whoa, no one kind of says that. And now people have phones, so they're all like, I'll say it. Right. So now we have to find ways to, like, say things that people don't hear all the time. I'm literally on stage. Like, my closer is like, I'm going to kill myself. And everyone's like, Jesus. And I'm like, I can't think of another way to make you people, like, react.

Right. You're not going to shock. It has to just be something that, which does level comedy into a better place. It just makes you have to write something better and more. clever because I'm not trying to compete with shock like shock comedy has never been my thing but it was fun when you got to drop in a shocky thing yeah but now people like heard that today on TikTok nothing you say is a thing they haven't heard before right so it doesn't even matter and you know it is getting to a place when I do think the wave of super clean comedy is about

to make a big comeback you think so a hundred percent because now they've had everything and the phone is delivering them the filthiest of anything they've ever dreamed of right So I think, like, clever, very clean comedy will start to seep back into society. Well, I guess it's harder now. Way harder to do that. So anything that's really hard will, I guess, be rewarded by the people. Who's the best clean comic, in your opinion? Besides Jerry?

Besides our board jeer? Yeah. Bargazzi is really good. Yeah. Like, bergotsie is really funny. I don't know. Who do you think? I think Gaffigan might be...

I think Gaffigan might be the number one to me of like... Oh, yeah. He's able to do it in a way where it doesn't even feel like he's a clean comic. Yeah. It's so cleverly written that I'm like, you wouldn't even know that that's the difference.

Because Gaffin could be on a lineup with guys who say foul shit and just cruise and cruise, and you wouldn't even know the difference. The best clean comics have like an edge to him where you're like they're kind of not Well, Jim's got that for sure Yeah, he's got something You're looking at it, you're like,

this guy's angry or something Same with Jerry, you're like There's an anger behind these guys His resentful, I mean, we've talked about The story, the greatest Jerry story is He came back to the comedy store After Mitzie died And he went up in the OR

And he's like, I haven't been here In how many years it was Because she never passed him She was like, you're a hack She didn't like him Which I think was so rock and roll And Mitsy was like, get fucked You stink

And he got fuck He walked off and he didn't perform there and then when the sitcom got picked up, this is his story, not mine. He bought a house on, he was on the Queens or Kings right above the comedy store and it was above the Shore family house. And he goes, I did that because when I would go to work at CBS Radford, I would drive down past the Shores house and say hello to them sometimes to let them know I'm up there. Whoa, dude. He bought the house above them just to be like... Rules. Yeah.

Just to throw us garbage at them. That's very Jerry. Yeah. Like, you want to talk about the darkness in the boy? It's resentful. That is some fucking pent-up shit. I know. I'll buy the fucking house above you, dude.

That's so crazy. Fuck, that is so cool. I could never. All right, look, I want to wrap this up, but I could talk to you for hours and hours. By the way, love, love the kicks. Oh, you like them? I love. Yeah, I was looking at yours, too.

I can't, you know, I don't wear J's... Don't tell me Who's that rapper? Come on, dude, you're a rapper. Oh, God. You killed a bunch of people? Accidentally? Yeah, these are the murder ones.

These are the trampled twos. Oh, Travis Scots. Yeah, Travis Scott. Those are great, dude. They're comfy shoes. I just like Jordan Ones are my favorite shoe that was ever made. So I have a massive collection of Jordan Ones.

I go Jordan Ones and then the airs a couple, and then I get out of that, and I'm like, let me do some other stuff. I have so many. I come back into it. I just can't wear, I can't wear anything anymore. But, but I, also, because I have big clobby feet. And so big shoe, big high tops look even more.

Like when you're, what's what size is? Such a hilarious. Clobby. Yeah, they're just like clunky. And what size of those? 10 and a half. 10. Yeah, 10 and a half. And a regular size shoe.

Yeah. Me, tall with a 12 with high tops, it's like, it looks like, I feel like a child again. Yeah. So I have like, I have a lot of different shoes, but I just don't wear the high top Jordans as much anymore because they just feel like... I'm a short guy, so it makes you look shorter when you have high tops. Like these, I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't

get them because they're just there, they go up, and then you look... It just looks like your shoe hits your knee. I know. I'm like, I'm like, all right, look, I love having you on, you're the fucking best. Do you have dates? Do you want to plug any dates or anything? You have shows? You want to... No, I mean, I'll plug some featuring.

Give it to me. I'm doing Soda's tour with him, the theater. were you really? Yeah, yeah, I'm doing most of those dates. He's my fucking... He's both my daddy, my brother, and my lover at the same time. Couldn't have... Like, one of my oldest buddies in comedy who and still gives me shit, which I love,

like still gives it to me. And then is one of the only comics... I shouldn't say that. I was going to say one of the only comics whose spouses I like I very much love and respect. There's other comics, wives, girlfriends that I like. Of course, of course. But Katie's awesome. But Katie's the best. So it's like...

I was like, perfect pair. Yeah, they're the best. He's like, you know, there's so few good ones left. And we all, you know what I'm talking about? It's like, just he's got, he's the real deal. He's a good egg, yeah. He's fucking kills. His new hour is incredible.

And he's like, just a good dude. But you're torn with him. I'm going, yeah, and I'll be at the D.C. comedy law of January 30th through the first. So fuck off. You know, whatever. Who cares? Dude, I love, I love comics. They can't even, like, earnestly, like, the thing we love the most.

Oh yeah, I'll be it the fucking bullshit is D.C. Eat shit. Bring Trump. Bring his cabinet. Come all out. Bring fucking Obama. I have another one.

I also have Baby Obama, if you want to close on that. Okay, so we end the show with one word or one phrase into that camera. So do Baby Obama. Okay, here's baby Obama. Goop. Let me be go. So, okay. That's my video phone.

In here. That's so good. We pour whistle. Whiskey, whisk, whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's all hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.