Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Brendan Schaub

Episode Date: October 18, 2019

Santino sits down with comedian Brendan Schaub to talk about what it's like to work with Theo Von, driving dream cars and if he would let his son get into contact sports. They also admit their love for one another and it gets a little weird at the end. FOLLOW BRENDAN: https://www.instagram.com/brendanschaub/?hl=en SEE HIM LIVE WITH GERIATRIC BYRON KALLIC: http://www.tfatk.com/live-tour-show FOLLOW CHEETO: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/?hl=en TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com/ STAND UP DATES NOV 8-9 NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE NOV 10 HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA NOV 15-16 SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA NOV 21-23 INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA DECEMBER 6-7 BREA, CALIFORNIA JAN 9-11 EDMONTON, AB, CANADA JAN 16-18 DENVER, COLORADO DRINK SOME OF THE GOOD STUFF: https://buffalotracedistillery.com GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP AND TAKE $20 OFF! https://buffy.co USE CODE "WHISKEY" EAT GOOD FOOD WITHOUT ALL THE SHOPPING AND TAKE $80 OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH! https://www.hellofresh.com USE CODE "WHSKEY80" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is up, Whiskey Ginger fans? If you want to see the Red Rocket live, I got a chunk of dates left before the new year, and then I'm going to be kicking off my Red Rocket 2020 tour, which I'm super excited about. But I'm back for a couple of dates, November 8 and 9, I'm at Zaney's in Nashville, 10 in Huntsville, Alabama. Then I am in San Francisco at Cobbs, that's the 15th and the 16th of November. Then November 21, 22, 23, I'm going to be in Indianapolis, baby, Indiana, December

6th and 7th at the Bray Improv. December 14th, I'm at the Ice House doing two shows here in L.A. in Pasadena way. And then at the beginning of January, I do Edmonton and Denver Comedy Works, one of my favorite clubs to ever exist.

Come out and see me. I also want to let everyone know at home we are working on the Cheeto Chats. And I want to thank you guys so much, for real, for taking the time to listen, to watch, to subscribe. Hit that subscribe button. Like this, share it, go on iTunes and give it five stars and tell everyone how much you love the show.

We do appreciate you, man. We really, really do. It's incredible how much love we get from everybody and we're going to keep it moving as long as you guys are listening and watching. I'll keep doing it, baby. But for now, enjoy the episode. Whiskey Ginger fans, as you know, I'm a big, big pusher of that Buffalo Trace, the only bourbon with balls. I love this stuff, man. Since 1773, they've been kicking out some of the good sauce. These guys are renegades. They even operated during Prohibition when it was naughty. They got medicinal purposes licenses to distribute whiskey for the good of the soul, for the mind, and the heart.

Because we need it, okay? Especially old white bones like me. Old see-through. The ginge. the pale riders. I love this stuff. I told you I made friends with those guys. They're incredible, man. It's bottled right there in Franklin County, Kentucky, on site. The distillery is incredible. You should go take a tour if you have never been down there. It's wild. Harlan, incredible. You should go take a tour if you have never been down there. It's wild. Harlan,

he's the master distiller down there. He does unconventional stuff. He tries new ways of creating new kinds of bourbon and other kinds of liquor. Some of it works, some of it don't work, but that's how it goes. But this stuff is so good, man. I do love it. Buffalo Trace Eagle Rare is what we also enjoy here, and a little bit of Blanton's, which I share a couple of sip-saps with with Big Brown on this episode. But as I push always to Buff Trace is the only bourbon with balls, and I be drinking it, you should too. Enjoy it responsibly like an adult.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. We're going to have some plans today. It's a special day, you know? Special day with the big brown bear, who I've got a fucking, I've got a little bit of beef with. Do you? Oh, I've got a little bit of beef with you, dog. Is it because I went on? Yeah, dude.

We're not going to mention that other shit. We don't talk that. We're not fucking doing that other. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today it's brendan shob big brown baby thanks for coming i should pour you first right thank you thank you little blantons it's worth the drive now my town's on fire yet i still made it here you made it here and you're

on fire i appreciate how much i love you i appreciate that dude cheers to you cheers cheers sip sap i love you i sap. I love you. I love you for coming out. Shob's Neighborhood is on fire. California is once again on fire, ladies and gentlemen. God, it's frustrating. I woke up and I was like, did I leave the toaster on? I'm like, smoke, smoke.

I can barely see out my window. It says, it's one of those things where on the phone it says, unhealthy air quality. Do not go outside. I'm in the thick of it of it dude would you still run outside in this no never i took i did i did today i took a five mile run oh wow in the unhealthy air two packs i was smoking while i ran smart i don't give a shit i'm gonna smoke and i smoke and run smoke and run smoke and run black lung pops you know whatever dude i bet they that's how you really want to live long smoke run uh eat really unhealthy food throw it up then eat a good meal yeah i'm with you yeah dude i push the fucking boundaries let's get this out of the way real fast let me fucking let me hit you with the my mad heat at you oh please dude we're not gonna mention it but you did another

another show you guys are you guys should be friends hey you did another show. You guys should be friends. Hey, hey. You did another show. You cocksucker. You did another show. I was in town in Houston. I don't give a shit. During the floods. I don't give a shit. They just set it up, dude.

You come do my show, dog. You're doing my show. It's okay. I understand. But there was a little internet beef going on of you doing another whiskey show. Let's be fucking clear. This is the Whiskey Ginger Podcast. You know what it is.

Okay, bro? You know what it is. Now that you're here, you acknowledge that this is the one. This is the only one. This is the only one. I have to play fair. This is the one. This is the one. Don't mention people's names names don't mention these motherfuckers names no i just the internet

took a took a laugh to it i thought it was really funny it was so funny man it was it made me laugh it was like one of those things where i was like oh this is so fucking stupid that guy's a whiskey extraordinaire yeah he yeah he's a whiskey yeah i'm just an alcoholic yeah these are guys these are guys that like love the nuances, but the real joke is, I can get my hands on way more shit than they can. What's up, dog? You think? Yeah, what's up, dog? I don't know, dude.

What's up, dog? I got abilities, dude. I got the snakes. I just don't care. I'm not a nerd with it. Some people are really into it. This is just a part of my life that's like his thing do you understand he's mr whiskey he has yeah that's like their thing yeah like he had he brought i have too much stuff going on to do that shit it's just yeah it's not your thing

you know i'm a hilarious comedic genius and you're into whiskey okay okay shade here no i just i have i i'm i'm clearly kidding. I couldn't care less. I wish you two would get together. It was funny to me. It was funny. No, it was funny. The thing is, he brought like a 1917 whiskey from like World War, I forget, some crazy shit. 1917 would be World War I.

One? Yeah. One. Dude. One. My dog. Please tell me you don't think that was World War II. No, no, no.

But it might have been that. It was old, like 1912 something. Yeah. It tastes like pure shit in a bottle. Yeah, see, you know what's so funny? Because it's over 100 years old. Some people don't realize that old whiskey, old booze doesn't taste that great, dude. I've had a lot of old shit.

It's not that good. Dude, have you ever had dry aged beef? Like 200 days or 300 days? I'll give you the story right now. There's a restaurant. It tastes like pure shit. Yeah, have you ever had dry-aged beef? Like 200 days or 300 days? I'll give you the story right now. There's a restaurant. Pure shit. Yeah, it tastes like... Well, some people like...

Do you like blue cheese? I like blue cheese, yes. I don't like dry-aged. So some old beef to people tastes like blue cheese. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, bro. I see. Okay, so I went to...

There's a place in Hollywood here called APL. Do you know him? I think it's Adam Perry Lang. I think that's his name. Was he a fancy chef? Famous beef. Famous beef. Jimmy Kimmel's like really good friends with him.

All he does is post about how often he eats his... His beef? He eats his meat. Yeah, he eats his beef a lot. Is he like Salt Bae? Huh? He just like cuts it up? No, dog.

He's like a legit chef. For cooking beef? Yeah, dude. But he ages beef. Okay. Okay, so I went there for a birthday, for my old bag's birthday, actually. And we took her there, and they had 375 aged beef, age day beef. And we had it, and I'm straight up, no disrespect, I was like, give me the new beef.

Just give me the filet. Just give me the new beef. Give me the new beef. I don't like the old shit. I don't know what it is. Some people have such a palate for it. You know, like your boy, the show that you did, I'm sure he has a different palate for different kinds of whiskey

because he does it so much. But sometimes when someone's like, this is the best old whatever, and I have it, and I'm like, it's not that good. I was in... Who gave you Pappy? Where did you and you got Pappy? That was Whiskey Pete. Oh, he gave you that? Yeah, he brought all that. Pappy? That was Whiskey Pete. Oh, he gave you that?

Yeah, he brought all that. Okay. The Pappy tastes like shit, by the way. You don't like it? Didn't like it. Wow. Not better than Blanton's, not better than Buffalo Trees. Well, I think Blanton's.

Blanton's is one of my favorites. He brought me like a 20-year-old Blanton's, and it was the best whiskey I've ever had. Yeah. I got some secret stuff I'll show you after this. Oh, what's up, Doug? I got some secret stuff. I might send you home with something, you know? Okay.

A little gifty gift from the Buffalo Trees fam. Oh, I was in Nashville, and I was in the hotel, and I'm on the elevator, and the chef is there, and he's like, Big Brown, you're my favorite. We're coming to the show. I'm like, oh, cool, man. He goes, we have the number one steakhouse in Nashville on the top of this building. I go, really? He goes, it's number one in Nashville.

And I go, yeah, but you work there. I have to say it. He goes, look it up. It's number one. He goes, I listen to all your shows. Dinner on me. You and your brother. Just don, I listen to all your shows. Dinner on me. You and your brother. Just don't even order anything.

Don't. I'm like, all right, cool. Sure. We go up there. He's like, oh, they bring out delicious stuff, appetizers. And then I shit you not, it's like ordering fajitas at Chili's where everyone looks like you're fucking on bottle service at the club. Comes out with the.

This glass case, like a goddamn vampire was in there. Comes out with all smoke inside of it. They open it up and the whole restaurant turns. I'm like, oh, this is so embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm right here. He's like, this is 500 day aged beef. It's the number one beef you will ever try.

Come on. That price was stupid. Yeah, it's so dumb. It's so dumb. The price. I'm like, God, I've never paid that for that. And he starts to show up, I'm like, God, it looks like shit. And then they waited there for us to try it.

And dude, and again, no shade. Thank you for your time. Thank you for all that. No shade, but hold on. It was bad. The worst thing I've ever had in my mouth. Yeah, was that bad? And you've had lots of weird things in your mouth.

Lots of troll dicks. Yeah, little weird things. Whatever, dude. Whatever, dude. Booty. Whatever, it was that bad. And you've had lots of weird things in your mouth. Lots of troll dicks. Yeah, little weird things. Whatever, dude. Booty. Whatever, dude. You've eaten booty. I mean,

you think booty is better than that steak? I'll eat it like groceries. You know what I'm saying? But this was the worst food I've ever had. Damn. I was so embarrassed.

What did you say? You didn't finish it? Oh, no. Me and my brother tried it and I was like, holy, what are we going to do? He goes,

well, we got to finish it. I go, no, I got it. So he comes back, I go, dude, I just realized I have going to do? He goes, well, we got to finish it. I go, no, I got it. So he comes back. I go, dude, I just realized I have to be at the show early. He goes, really?

Yeah. Dude, can I get to go? And he goes, no problem. Wraps up to go, and we just took off. Perfect. You give it to a homeless guy. You're like, hey, man, do you like aged beef? Here's the thing.

We left on the table. Oh, really? So that's super disrespectful. So much more disrespectful. Yeah, so much more. Because we forgot. Because when you wrap it and leave it, it means you really didn't give a shit at all.

If you just left it, you're like, we're full. We can't finish it. We got to go. I can't believe people eat that shit. No, some people love it. I mean, meat eaters of the world, a lot of people, I think, it's an acquired taste, which is such a phrase that I hate.

Acquired taste? Well, I'll tell you this. I've never had like a... Until I started doing Sam Conway, I've never been an alcohol fan ever. I know, but that's not acquired. It's just because it wasn't something – like acquired to me means you tried it a bunch and you didn't like it, and then a long period of time happened and then you liked it.

That doesn't happen for me. If I try it and I don't like it, I'm probably never going to like it. It's rare for me. I would say like when I was in college, I hated whiskey, hated it. Yeah, would you just chug beers? Yeah. Yeah, but that's because you're poor and that's what you do. You're never going to when I was in college, I hated whiskey. Hated it. Yeah, would you just chug beers? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's because you're poor, and that's what you do. You're never going to have good whiskey in college.

No, but nor would you be able to tell it's good whiskey. Where'd you go to college? University of Colorado. Did you really? You got into that school? Got in. That's a good school. Really good school.

Double major. What did you major in, dude? Sociology business. What's up, bro? What, dude? Yeah, dude. How come you're bad at both? I know, right?

Tell me what it's like. People really want to know. Nobody gets down to the nitty gritty. What is it like working with a Southern handicapped person like Theo Vaughn? What is it like? What's it like to be around? Do you ever feel like this? I saw the Joker, and the Joker was deep, dude.

The Joker was a deep cut. How good was Brian in it? Huh? How good was Brian Callen? Brian's back was the best shot I've ever seen. It was so cool to not see his face. And he was up there. He shot for six days.

Yeah, five-tenths of a second. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Everyone else got... My favorite thing about all the cameos in that from comedians, because Sam Morrell was in that, Gary Goldman was in that.

Damn, somebody else. A few other comics were in that. But it was the best Brian Callen, the best Brian Callen scene I've ever seen because you don't see his face. You barely really feel him. He's in the background. That's how I like Bri.

That's how you like Bri. Yeah. Not there. That's how I like him. Not a lot. Barely there. Not a lot. But you know what?

I saw that movie and I mentally felt like, i feel disturbed you know i'm talking about like it made me feel kind of that's what i hear made me feel kooky because i because you were like so deep in it is that what it feels like to work with theo that you like you feel like you might be yeah like you might be losing upstairs demons what and i say demons i mean monsters monsters so then i'm like maybe I have some issues too. Yeah, he brings it out of you. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, see, that scares me.

What is that? Through osmosis, you start to lose it because of him. A little bit. We're starting to look alike. I'm growing my hair out. I'm like, do I want to mullet? Do you want to mullet? This is a wig.

I don't know. I don't know. Would you mullet it up? No. It's not your style, though. No. I started growing my hair out because I saw, for whatever reason, I've been obsessed with the late 60s in Hollywood.

So Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, that genre, just the style, I've just been obsessed with it. Really? You like that? You don't like the clothing, though? Oh, I love it. I love all of it. You do?

You would never wear that stuff. I would if I wouldn't just get fucking annihilated by all my friends at the comedy school. Yeah, I mean, I would shit on you, but I would give you props for being bold. I'm the first guy to be—see, Theo's going to dump on you because he's supposed to. Chris, you know, Chips will absolutely murder you for that. But he can't, though, because he dresses ridiculously. I know, but he thinks he's, like, infallible. You know what I mean?

He's like, you can't tell me nothing type of shit. That's true. But I'd give you props. I mean, dude, there's guys that wear shit that like like no disrespect i like big jay oakerson but like he wears fucking like driving gloves yeah he does wear he wears winter gloves yeah but it's a bold choice and i'm always like i dig i respect it yeah that's what i'm saying well i wore a jumper i wore a jumper like a straight jumper i know but that's still fashionable today yeah you'd have to wear 60s shit that nobody wears today.

Like bell bottoms. Was that 70s? Bell bottoms coming back. Are they making a comeback? No, flared pants are, but not straight up legit bell bottoms. They're getting there, especially for girls. If you wear straight up bell bottoms, I'd give you crazy props. How about this? Can I buy you bell bottoms and you'll wear them on stage?

100%. I'm doing it. I'm 100% going to do that. I'll do that. Because I want to see you because you have thick legs. I need to get really thick, thick, thick tops. It's going to look so ridiculous. Look like a sea anemone.

Hourglass. Your legs will be an hourglass. Yeah. You'll be a little fucking mermaid. Dude, I, yeah, I don't know. I, I'm growing my hair out. Yeah, I just like that vibe, man. I'm just growing up for that.

That's what you're doing right now? Yeah. Do you influence your kid like that? Do you, do you, do you try to like, whatever you're you're doing people always say like they're they want their kids to emulate their lifestyle do you dress him like you you do don't you no my my girl does which i'm like yeah just let him do his thing do you have the same shoes do you and him have similar shoes we have two pairs that are the same that's what i'm saying that he likes that there we have these lebrons these superman lebrons when we like work out together that we'll wear then we have these LeBrons, these Superman LeBrons when we work out together that we'll wear. Then we have these

Nightmare Before Christmas vans, but that's it. Love that. Wait, you guys work out together? Yeah. What does he bench? About 225 right now. Really?

Two plates? Two plates. Whoa. Two plates. Dog, that's legit because he's only what? What is he? He's three.

Three or four? Yeah, three. Yeah, three and a half. So 225 is a pretty good start. I got another one on the way, man. I know. Congrats. That's crazy.

Kiddos for you and wifey? We'll see, man. We'll see. I keep shooting in a pretty good start. I got another one on the way, man. I know. Congrats. That's kiddos for you and wifey? We'll see, man. We'll see. I keep shooting in there. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? No barrier.

Matumbo. She's just matumboing. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Nodded my house. Yeah, she keeps doing that. No, I keep shooting. I keep cranking up the CO2 down there. I'm trying to do tricks at the trail.

How old is she? Flicking my balls. I can't tell. You kidding me? I'll get... Under 40. Yes. She's good.

Yes. That's what they say. Who knows? Dude, there's people that... Theo's dad was like 90, right? When he had him. You want Theo as a kid? Yeah, you're right.

Maybe I should pump that out fast. Get it going, dude. That's what happens when you get older. Get it going. That scares me. The dark arts comes out. I'm trying. I'm trying.

We're trying. But I feel like also, I'm so scared to have a daughter in Los Angeles. I talked to my buddy Aristotle the other day about that. His name's Aristotle? Do you know him? Aristotle Altheus? He directed Goatface, the show Goatface. Hassan and Fahim's group, their sketch group.

Goatface was a Comedy Central special they put out. Hasan Minhaj, Asif Ali, Fahim Anwar. I'd have to see him. God, I'm naming all the brown people. You don't know any of the brown people. Fahim's one of my favorite people. Yeah, but it's his clique. It's his sketch group. If you haven't seen it, I highly suggest watching Goat Face. I've seen some of their sketches, Fahim Post. Stottle directed it, but he's also

an actor. He's phenomenal. His name's Aristotle? Aristotle Atheris. Crazy name, right? What a name. I know. Isn't that heavy? Aristotle Atheris. But he's not a comic. Yeah, he is. Not the store and laugh actor. He's phenomenal. His name's Aristotle? Aristotle Atheris. Crazy name, right? What a name. I know. Isn't that heavy? Aristotle Atheris. But he's not a comic. Yeah, he is. Not at the store in Laugh Factory. I've seen him. He's not a regular at the store. No. I know. Yes, I know. Yeah, but he is. He is. He is. He's a

good comic. We're giving him too many plugs right now. He's dog shit. Fuck him. Wipe him off the earth. Fahim, though. Fahim's a killer. Yeah, he's part of that group. They had a sketch group together called Goat Face. And it kind of went by the wayside when Hasan went to go do a daily show. He didn't get famous. Got hella famous, yeah.

On Vanity Fair and shit. And was like, I'm good, guys. Would you want to be on Vanity Fair? Would you do that if they asked you? Yeah, I'd do it. I would say no. I'd rather do GQ, though. Like the whole style, like 70s, late 60s.

You know that men's fitness? Why don't they have men's unfitness? Why don't they have men unhealth? Why not men's dad? Regular dad. Yeah. Dad fitness. Dad fit. Yeah. Dad fit. Like lifting a kid. Yeah. But you just have like a dad body, dude. Yeah. You're doing dad things. You don't have a dad bod, but you might, after the second kid, you might, it might fuck you up. Dude, I've been on this diet because I was in Hawaii with my kiddo. What's his diet? You're not doing keto. I've been keto, yeah. Why are you guys all doing the keto thing? Because it's an easy way to lose weight fast.

No carbs. No carbs. No sugar. No sugar. No fun. You're having sugar right now. This is sugar. No sugar in whiskey, bro.

No, that's not. There isn't. That's right. What am I thinking? That's right. Whiskey. That's originally how I started drinking because I was drinking mixed drinks in my beer. My brain thinks they're sugar.

And then I met with this doctor, nutritious, and he's like, you can have whiskey. You can have whiskey, man. Yeah. Vodka has sugar. Nope. You can have tequila, vodka, whiskey, but you can only have it straight up. Wait. Why doesn't...

I thought vodka had sugar in it. No. None of them do. Oh, it tastes sweet to me. Vodka does? Yeah. It does a little bit. I don't really like vodka.

That's why. I have it extremely rarely. It's not my shit. No. Fuck me. Vodka does? Yeah. It does a little bit. I don't really like vodka. That's why. I have it extremely rarely. It's not my shit. No, fuck no. Also Russians. Yeah. But also tequila and whiskey. I know for a fact.

Do you like tequila? No, I only drink whiskey, dude. I do not have that shit. I don't have many demands on the road, but usually because I talk so much about it, they usually have Buffalo Trace in my room. What is your rider? What is your rider? What is your rider? What do you mean?

What's your rider in the room? What do you ask them in the room to have? Do you have a rider when you show up to the club? Are you like, I want this kind of snacks in the green room and all that shit? No. My brother's my tour manager, so if the club's like, does Brendan want anything? They'll always say, coffee, whiskey. That's it.

That's all you have? That's it. Yeah, Rogan has such a small rider. rider i'm so surprised it's so humble i'm always like this motherfucker could ask for you know he could do like the green m&ms thing you know the mariah carey like he doesn't do it he doesn't do any of that shit none of it he doesn't do any drinks or anything no no i'm saying he doesn't do anything ridiculous it's like a deli tray we always have a bottle of whiskey um we always have uh sam adams beer i think somebody did that because they because he's from boston so they're like oh sam adams yeah i don't think he likes that shit he didn't give a

fuck about that no but we always have that a deli tray and some like mixed nuts and shit that's it but but i can't imagine somebody like fucking chapelle or kevin hart or any of those dudes did rogan tell you about being with chapelle and how all the his his demands like there wasn't crazy but his demands were like any room he went to had to have red lighting. Yeah, he told me that. He liked the lighting thing. Joe said he liked that. He liked that every room that he went into was like this dimmed red light.

He said the environment was better. I wonder what that is. I don't know. It's a vibe. I guess it's a vibe. But red light seems so heavy to me. I'm sorry. Are you shooting true blood?

Why are we just in red? Is this weekend with a vampire? What's happening right now? The walls have to be bleeding. Red to me, no. But that's also because I'm orange. I don't like those colors. I don't like orange.

I don't like red. I think they're repulsive colors. I think it's such a boss move. You've got to be Dave Chappelle to go, hey, any room, red lighting. Yeah, any room. Any room. Every Yeah. Any room. Every room.

Any room I go in. So Joe said when he went back into his room, he was disappointed. He was like, oh, fucking regular lights. There's levels to the game in there. There's like Chappelle. Chappelle. Tip, tip, tip, tip, tip. Chappelle and everybody else.

And then me. I'm way down here. If you're down there, then I'm even like, hello. Brandon. Brandon, get up here. else and then me i'm way down here if i said you're down there then i'm even like hello brandon you know what you know i've never ever asked for anything at a club but some clubs do cool shit where they just put stuff in there for me as a as a you know a nice because they're great people that was very cool you're sure denver comedy works i filmed my first um album there my first just audio only album and um they um they filled the room with cheetos like tons of cheetos so cool for cheetos it was like a nice it goes such a long ways with it like you'll never forget that no it was so cool

they had cheetos everywhere and they're like fucking thanks for doing your album here all this shit that's so cool yeah they were they're just good people one of the reasons i love comic works a because it's in my hometown but b when i first started touring like three and a half years ago i was like oh because comic books even growing up big deal yeah huge all the comics all you guys talk about it i'm like i gotta do comics i gotta do comics so my guys reached out and wendy who runs it she's basically the for the those of you that know she's like the mitzi of yeah of the midwest yeah or denver area so she goes uh we love bre Brendan. I haven't seen him stand up.

Can't give him a full weekend. Yeah. He can come down here. We'll give him a Wednesday late show. I'll see how he does. If it goes well, then next year, maybe the following year,

we'll give him a full weekend. Sure. So I flew in for one night, did the late show at whatever, 1030. And then the following, they're like, yeah, cool.

The following year, they passed me to do. To do a full weekend. Yeah weekend yeah she liked it which i respect the fuck out of because well yeah clubs are now it's like oh this guy's on youtube or this guy used to i don't know fucking jeremy piven just jump in and jump out whenever he feels like he's doing 26 minutes or whatever the fuck it's like come on man correct but do an hour an hour. Or don't go on the road. Or don't go. If you can't do it, you're not. Yeah.

It's like crazy disrespectful to me. The only people that can get away with not doing an hour are like comedy legends that they want to do something else. I don't think they can either, really. Not this day and age. I'd be cool with it, though. Right? Oh, because they've earned it?

Yeah. You're saying coming to town? I don't know, man. If some dude only did 40 minutes it'd be a bummer if it's killer if it's a legend yeah and but that's what he's earned it though that's what i'm saying yeah if you put in the work you put in the time like i'm fine with that yeah it's not it wouldn't be my preference if i was a fan but i mean you know if this is a killer 40 i'm like all right leaves me one for more it's all new shit that's what i feel like why not yeah i'd rather have a hard 40 from a

beast comic than three hours of garbage shit mainly where they're just like trying to find you on stage and i hear these tons of crowd work and yeah i hear these horror stories that these headliners go on the road and they're doing crowd work for an hour and then then their egos are so big they're on stage for another two hours and people are leaving they just keep fucking going that's why always wild to me those are my favorite stories i'm tired those are my favorite stories i want to go home why would you want to be up there think about the narcissism i'm gonna go up here three hours yeah you well you've seen that sad video of um pablo francisco he's like he was repeating bits and he was out of his mind he just kept going and going and going and going

i mean the poor guy he needed some help so i know just you know no hate or anything but it just bummed me out to watch i dude I think that's a mental health issue Oh yeah But then there's guys Who don't have it No they just do it And they're just fuckheads Everywhere I go

I go You know how it goes When you get picked up From the airport And you get all chummy With like the sister Or whatever Or the manager

And then probably By the second night Where there's a few drinks And they're like Oh thanks for coming I'm like yeah How's it been man They're like good

I'm like whoever you had here lately and then i love the horse oh yeah they love opening up who's been difficult and they just well it's so funny they first they go no you know everyone's fine and then like you know yeah a day or two in they're like you know who's a fucking piece of shit they open the gates and you're like tell me i want to know all that shit i i want to hear all the flood you want some more of this jazz yeah please let's give you some more dude you know give you some more of the horse i went to go see these guys man i went to go see oh i did have you post that video that you sent me yeah i loved it above trace fam good good good eggs yo so now that you're this i'm curious about this for real for real um now that like you you you put your special out now you're touring right now

are you doing a totally new hour? what are you doing? yeah a whole new hour I had a new hour to go before that special before you get on the road yeah before I did the road

I just stayed in LA but I had like 20-ish minutes 25 minutes before that special even fucking aired I was so sacred by the time I was ready to go

yeah that's most specials yeah do you like the special? Are you happy with it? I hate everything I do I hate my podcast, I hate my special I hate the set I'm going to do tonight I hate you, no I'm just kidding I love you I love you I'm just kidding I love you

No I know what you mean I hate hearing myself To do a special With only doing three years of comedy is insane, dude. It's insane. That's my, you know, that's my path. That's my journey. I'm proud of it.

But it's just like, I hate everything I do. There's not one thing that you're like, yeah, I'm stoked about that. Just my son. But career-wise, no. Wow. Never. Well, save that. Bottle that and fucking wow keep that moving

darkness here bro huh i hate dude i don't i don't like what i mean i don't like anything that i think that's i think that's hard when you find people that like your shit it's relieving they go okay yeah i guess it is for them more than it is for me like to make sure that you need them to like it more than you like it sometimes because you it's hard for you to like your own shit you're you're in it all the time i'm in it and then uh you know for me it's just uh you know i'm the punter on the football team i feel like around comics you know i'm like the yeah i'm on the team but i didn't go through the same training camp as the rest that's very funny you know i'm saying you're the kicker yeah i'm the kicker like yeah you need me i'm cool but i didn't go through the same hell days as everybody else.

I'm the free safety. You know? I get some props here and there, but I'm not a wide receiver yet. You know what I mean? No. I'm not. I'm on defense. You know what I mean?

Nobody respects defense as much as they fucking should. I agree. And nobody respects me as much as they fucking should. No, that's what it is. You're the free safety. I'm playing defense. I'm playing defense. So he's the strong safety. That's so true. No one gives a fuck. No. You're the free safety. I'm playing defense. And Saheem's the strong safety.

That's so true. No one gives a fuck. No one gives a fuck, dude. I'm just kidding. But we're the secondary. But both you guys are such beasts. We're killers. Hey, we'll fuck you up.

Come into the secondary. Watch me fuck you up. And then there's guys like, you know, Dalia's so clearly a, Chips is so clearly a wide receiver because he barely wants. Oh, he's Odell Beckham. He doesn't want to run the routes all the way. You know what I mean? No.

He just kind of saunters out there and catches it. Everyone's there to see him. Has the visor and the shiny. Stupid fucking watches and all this bullshit. His dumb chain. Let's talk. Chips put on a chain. If people don't know, fucking my arch enemy, Chips Delano,

is wearing a chain around town now. But not like Schaub's chain. Schaub's chain has, there's meaning to it. It's a nice chain. He's got a fucking chain from when we were in junior high. The chain link chains. The thick chains. He thinks he's from Brooklyn.

This guy's from fucking northwest, northeast Los Angeles by the mountains. I love it. He's ridiculous. I respect the fuck out of it, though. He just showed up the other day with a green jacket on, that chain, these skinny jeans. I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. I have to smile at them every time I see them.

Who would wear, who would change their clothing game that you just couldn't get over, that you'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, you can't do that shit. Like, who comic-wise

that we're friends with could start wearing that shit and you'd be like, okay, you're losing it. If Rogan did, I'd be like, what? You're losing your fucking mind. Why are we doing this?

Yeah, you're losing your mind. Well, that's not you, is it? No, that is so true. Like the Tesla, slippery road, my man. I was surprised. But I forgave you. But I forgave you. Because the speed is kind of tight. It's fast. It's fast,

dude. Yeah, it's fast, but that's not what it's about. I like engines, too. You're not going to fucking get me to change my mind. No, me neither. I don't want to plug in my vehicle. No. Something so... There's something so... I'm just not... I'm not there yet. Something nin ninnyish about it and when he did i was like yeah he pulled on like he seriously goes drive it bro i'm never gonna happen yeah i just like i like engines for some reason i know a man built it and i know like hands

got on it and i know it's like there's just just the kinetic energy there's something sexy as i love the feeling yeah you've the you hear it when you sit on it, when you're in it, and you, I don't know, man. There's nothing like that. Nothing like that. Nothing like that. Like, I've driven around those Teslas.

I've driven around the dual motor and all that shit, the fast one, the, what are they? The hybrids and all that. Yeah. The half electrical. Yeah, yeah.

I've done all that shit. It's not the same feeling. They're cool. Or video games. Yeah, I know. It's a video game. And I don't want to drive a video game. Me neither.

Yeah, it's just, I can't really do it. I'm also afraid, I don't want to die in an electric car. If I die in a fast engine car, it's just something cool about that. I thought about that the other night because when I go to- Who flipped their Ferrari the other day? Earl Spence Jr., the pound for pound best fighter in the world.

Him or Terrence Crawford? And he flipped it like- Flipped his 48 Spyder, which is convertible, and he flipped- Have you seen the video? Flipped it multiple times. It was like seven or eight times. Wasn't wearing a seatbelt, so it ejected through him,

which they say is the reason he lived. Saved his life. I know, I hate to hear that. So what's up, seatbelts? Hey, what's up, seatbelts? I know you do your job most of the time. Hey, dad, you're dead fucking wrong, you know? Buckle up my ass.

Kids at home, please buckle up. Please wear your fucking seatbelt. What is it? Click it or tick it. Yeah, suck these nuts. Hell yeah, dude. He broke? Click it or tick it. Yeah, suck these nuts. Hell yeah, dude. He broke his teeth. That's it.

Yeah, they said he chipped his teeth and broke ribs or something like that. Dude, you're talking, I mean, pound for pound, one or two. So what was it? What car was it? It was a 48 Spyder. Oh, shit. Dope car. Here's the problem with these Ferraris and Lambos that, you know,

a lot of celebrities like to get in them and stuff. Like, you got to fucking know the car, man. Yeah, you got to be able to drive. That ain't the car to twerk out in and, like, show off in. Because rear-wheel drive, it's fucking, you know, some have 800 horsepower. It's a night. If you don't know what you're doing, it's that there couldn't be a worse car for these guys to have. They look cool, but V not 12 that ain't the car

man no see and i also i i'm tired of real wheel drive right now like i want all wheel drive i know that's lame but i really i'm tired of it i don't like if there's too much power to the rear it's feeling yeah it's just too much too much power and it's i slip all the time it's annoying if i'm trying to like like have some fun with it and really turn it on. I don't like slipping. The best car, mid-engine Porsche GT3 RS or GT2 RS, it'd be hard to fuck it up. The GT2 has a supercharged, so it's a little crazy, but the GT3 doesn't, naturally aspirated, flat six. Dude, that's what all these rappers and...

You want to be a dumbass? Drive that. It's hard to fuck up. Yeah, but they don't know those cars. I know. Right? They know what they hear. They know about... Lambo is such a common phrase for rappers because they think like that's all the lambo that lambo suv that people have and shit that thing's the most trash ass fucking car i've ever seen in my life the lambo suv might as well just be a

minivan with lamborghini on it it's exactly it looks like shit it looks like the old astro vans and they just they just gave it some squared off dimensions. I think it's the most trashed car. But even Italians, to them, that's Pizza Hut. Yeah, that's Pizza Hut. You got real shit over here. You guys made this? So you could sell fucking... Keep the brand. They did just keep the brand.

Because people will fucking... People are gonna buy it. I mean, dude, it's smart for them. Well, these big companies like Porsche did it. Porsche was gonna go bankrupt. They they released the cayenne that saved the brand what's the other one too the cayenne and the what uh there's two suvs that they make no they just have one oh no they have the uh cayenne and then the yeah there's a baby one the the mccann mccann yeah the mccann but i bet you the mccann flies off the shelves because it's like the low the lower price uh compact version but that's what that's what keeps the lights on.

Like the GTS, the GT2 RS, those aren't – They're not selling like hotcakes? You're talking about a $300,000, $350,000 car, but also it's like – Jesus Christ. Yeah, but Lamborghini too. 350 Gs for those things. I mean, get it. You got that paper?

Go get it. Is there a car? Is there your dream car? What's your dream car? I don't know. I mean, I'm fortunate enough, yeah, to drive a few of my dream cars. Yeah, you just drive it, you son of a bitch. I know.

Dirty bitch. What's my dream car is like a... I want like an old 2002 BMW. You know those? You know those? You ever seen those? Which one? You're talking about like a...

No, no, no. The model was 2002. 2-0-0-2. From the 70s. Oh, I don't... Yeah, I'll show you. That's what you're feeling, huh? I just think it's a cool...

I just think it's a cool old... I like the V12, the 8 series that they used to do. Look at this. 1972 BMW 2002. It's just like a sexy, old... I feel like a German farmer. Do you know what I mean? Beep, beep.

The crops are ready. You know? Yeah, I mean... Come here, get some... I feel... Something so fun about that car. Fun. Yeah, no, I feel you.

It'd be fun. You put a nice engine in that bitch? I just think it's a sexy look. The nose is still pointy no i dig it you know i mean very hitler-esque god man i feel like we could get you one right now oh no i could buy one right now two grand yeah i could buy one right now but you but you do how much work you'd have to put into making it a dope car i don't know dude there's one here custom ready to go what is it hundred no way there's no way it's in good condition there's just no way

oh man i'm telling you there's no way those are rare cars that. There's no way it's in good condition. There's just no way. Oh, man. I'm telling you, there's no way. Those are rare cars to find. That's your dream car, though. It's not my dream car. It's just like, it's a thing that I want when I just,

I just want one car that's my, like, show up on a lot for a TV show and they're like, oh, that is fun. Like, that's cool. Yeah, because it's so easy

to drive a nice car in LA. Every idiot has a nice car in LA. But, yeah, but they're doing it because. So it's cooler to me if you have something unique agree like that like see that's the problem with like ferraris or lambos like most of the fuck boys who have them they have no idea like what goes in that car right if they have a super fast or if they have a has someone ever pulled up next to you and invited

you to go like on a drive with them uh i had a guy in a McLaren pull up next to me and race. I'm like, I'm too old for this, dude. Down Laurel Canyon at 2 in the morning. I was like, dude, I'm 35. In a McLaren, you have lost, huh? Yes. Yeah, those things are so bad. But also, we're 35. What are we doing? Yeah, I'm not going to race. What are we doing? How old was he, though?

Man, didn't look that young. He was hating his family. He was like, dude, let's go. He rolled down the window and was like, and I just went like this. He's like, you're like, what's up? He's like, I hate my wife. I want to flip this thing and die. Let's go.

Come on. Fuck my kids. I'm trying to flip this fucking thing, dude. Take it, man. Let's fucking rock, dude. Don't puss out on me. I get, you know what's so funny? It's like whenever you have kind of a nice car,

people do want to race you or they want to come up and challenge you whenever you have kind of a nice car, people do want to race you or they want to come up and challenge you no matter what kind of car they have, dude. I mean, the fucking Nissan Central will come up to you. It's their own insecurities. They just, but I get it. I get it. What's funny is my brother's like the biggest car guy.

And when I bought my car, he goes, man, good. I mean, if a McLaren pulls up to you, you're fucked. I went, yep, but I'm 35. Yeah, you can't do that. I'm not Vin Diesel. I don't give a fuck. I don't live my life one quarter mile at a time you're kind of diesel though you're kind of decently yeah but i like chicks so i don't that's not my thing you know we all know vin diesel's gay yeah so that's not my thing you know so my brother's like you know if you if they're on a

track that thing would destroy you i'm like but i'm driving it down laurel canyon yeah going to get groceries handcrafted italian made you're gonna race to whole foods thing would destroy you. I'm like, but I'm driving it down Laurel Canyon. Yeah, going to get groceries. Handcrafted, Italian made. You're going to race to Whole Foods? Last V12. You know what I'm saying? Like there's craftsmanship in it. But the insides aren't as hot as they should be, by the way. Have you been in mine?

Yeah, but I'm just saying like there's something about it. There's something about it to me that I'm like. Have you been in Aston Martin? Yes. The insides are phenomenal. Different story. See, I think they've handcrafted that car to perfection. Agree.

I think the insides of those cars of Aston Martins are like... There's a difference. For some reason to me, dude, I've been in a handful of Ferraris, and I'm always like, that's okay. Have you been in a Bentley? Yeah, but I don't like Bentleys, dude. It's not for me. Pass.

Not for me. Really? Even the super sport ones? The Ars? I don't like British people. Oh, wow. I don't like British stuff. Well, I'm not British. My mom born and raised super sport ones stars i don't like british people oh wow i don't like british stuff my mom born and raised yeah i don't like british things you like aston martin we escaped you for a reason we like aston martin's though i know but they're but aston martin's it's like its own thing for me like bentley and rolls royce feels like british snow

like posh land rover and aston martin feels like land rover's owned by like uh ford now they started there i know but they're they're like Ford now. Okay. But something about, I know they're British, but Bentley and Rolls Royce have this snobby British royal family-esque thing about it. Well, there's nothing more British than Aston Martin. And Aston Martin feels like the bad boy. Really?

He feels like he got away from Britain. You know what I mean? It's from a factory like two hours outside London. I know. They make like 700 a year. It just feels dirty to me. It feels like a sexy dirty boy car.

Like a bad boy. And Rolls and Bentley just feels too snobbish for some reason. They feel inherently British. Like extremely posh. Very clean. Like an umbrella in the door

is the most fucking whack shit on earth to me. I'm not a big Rolls Royce fan. I don't like any of that stuff. Bentley I fucks with. You do? Certain ones. I used to have one.

You had a GT? I had a GTR. Yeah, you did. You goon. You fucking. Certain ones. I used to have one. You had a GT? I had a GTR. Yeah, you did. You goon. You fucking. GTR. It's a great car, man. Great car, dude.

Your brother's a car dude. What does he drive? What does he drive? He drives a GT3. Oh, he does? Yeah. Did you buy it for him? Did you buy your brother a fucking car?

Did you buy your mom a car ever? What did you buy her? You're such an athlete. That's what athletes do. They buy their mom's car. Why is that? Is he an athlete or is that a good son? I don't know, dude.

Because something about every athlete I know, they buy their mom a car. Why? The only difference is when I was an athlete, I didn't do it. Because there's no certainty there. There's no longevity. Yeah, I guess that's true. I didn't do that. So I was just hoarding.

It's just now a little different. It's no longevity. And I knew that. So I was just like hoarding. You know, it's just, you know, now a little different. It's a little different. It's different. It's very fucking different. Very different. You're not getting fucking kicked in the fucking head. And getting half my paycheck if I make a mistake, you know, it's just a different game. Now when you make mistakes, you get more money.

Correct. God, that's wild. What a dream. What a dream come true. God. To do a show with a geriatric and a southern handicapped person and to just be living the dream. Would you ever think that? Did you ever think when you were training that you were going to get to this point? Never.

But Brian called it. The first person I ever called was Whitney Cummings, and then Brian, I was in the middle of training camp, was like, dude, because I was in the thick of it, and Brian was like, I don't know why you're doing this. I was like, dude, because I was in the thick of it. And Brian was like, I don't know why you're doing this. I was like, excuse me? He's like, you're just going to do stand-up, man. When you're done, I was like, you got your goddamn mind.

He's like, I'm telling you. But Whitney even called it way before that, way before that. She did? Oh, yeah, way before. Whitney's a soothsayer. Yeah, she's the first one. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey ginger fans, do you have a tough time going to the grocery store, making a meal?

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get yourself a better night's sleep after listening to the ginger ginger I like gingers Whitney is my like end all be all for anything if I really want something answered if I'm really interested in like getting a real answer of like the nitty gritty of no bullshit

oh she's my therapist yeah she'll give you no bullshit I should be paying her yeah I do you don't I pay her do you? yeah god fuck give her

100 grand a day every single literally every single day every single yeah it's weird she makes me wire it first thing in the fucking morning are you on the road right now what are you doing yeah yeah man uh yeah starting next week i'm on the road um are you gonna prep for a new hour are you taking your time are you trying to put out a new special or trying to prep for a special or you're taking your fucking time i'm taking my time i'm taking my time to get as good as i can um i'm taking my time there's no rush but you know i'd say in the net you know two years yeah two years yeah take your time two three years yeah let's get better let's get down to the real shit what do you got bro what's your what's your what's your real fear what's your

biggest fear what's your real failure just yeah That it's all going to go away? Oh, yeah. Do you think about that all the time? I'm sure it's seeded somewhere in the back of my mind, for sure. It's seeded. Yeah, it's somewhere in there. Deep down. Always trying to fit in, always trying to belong.

Yeah. Always. That'll go away. I don't know if it does. Yeah, no, that'll go away. The more comfortable that you get with comedy as time goes on comedy kind of just

comedy will just do that to you though it'll just level it out a little bit I just think because like what comedy if you're so invested like you are in comedy

it just slowly but surely kind of fixes that issue for some reason it's all I care about like I I fired my manager probably like four weeks ago shit let's talk about it

yeah let's talk about it what happened I fired my manager they just they weeks ago. Shit, let's talk about it. Yeah, let's talk about it. What happened? I fired my manager. They just had different goals. They were always trying to get me to do these acting things and this TV thing. I'm like, no, stand up. You don't want to act at all? If it was the right thing, I would be open to it.

I'll never say never, but I'm obsessed with stand up. So anything that deviates from that, it's just like... No, you don't want to do it. It's not the plan. It's not the plan. I mean, I'm the... You know, I do it all. I do it both.

I like it all. Well, you're phenomenal. But here's the thing. You're a phenomenal actor. Like, that's your thing. You're very good at it. You've also been doing stand-up for a while. You're a great stand-up comic.

So you're good. You have time to have your foot over here and have your foot over there. But I got to tell you, man. I'm so behind the eight ball. I, dude, you. Yeah, no, it's hard. Well, also it's like, is it worth it? That's the other thing for you, right?

Everyone has this, there's this idea that like, oh, you're a comic, you should be an actor. It's like, well, is it worth it? Like for D'Elia, like when Chips goes and acts, I'm always like, he knows he does way more money, way more fan growth, way more like exposure when he's doing standup. By far than when he does way more money, way more fan growth, way more exposure when he's doing stand-up. By far than when he does acting. By far.

I don't get it. I had the same talk with Theo. Well, because I think he loves it. I think Chips really does love acting. Brian and Chris love acting. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's their background. But Chris grew up around it, right?

His dad, big producer. So that's why it works, though. That's what I mean. But everyone wants what they can't have. But it's like, I think if, you know, one of my favorite podcasts, Armchair Expert. Yeah, with Dax. I fucking love Dax. He's like a therapist for me. But he talks about it like, you know, he'll be on set and they'll have a comedian on there.

And the comedian's the only one flying a private jet getting there. And he had no idea. And he's like, dude, how much are you making a year yeah or like a big podcast like what the fuck so it's like yeah you can do this you're not gonna own it you're working for somebody else yeah or you invest in stand-up you own every bit of it yeah it's all you control the narrative yeah no i mean that dude listen that's well that's kind of the future of what's happening a little to a degree i mean you never know what the next change is going to be but also like

you know like dude Tommy Buns fucking Saguna's flying around in private jets now which is fucking wild to watch I was like how is it he goes it's hard to go back man it's hard to go back when you get a little taste dude

once you get on a private jet, you're like, oh, fuck. Different animal. I want to do this all the time. Well, you want to get to the point where that's not an issue. Right. You just want to be famous enough

and make as much money as possible being a stand-up where you can fly private and it ain't shit. Yeah, well, you know what I want to do? Like the Seinfeld thing. I've heard that he flies home every night after the gig.

No matter what time he flies, back to where he goes home home. But he's only doing one giant theater or stadium? He's probably doing a couple shows that night. Probably doing two shows in the night. You know what I mean? And then he goes back there? Yeah, but instead of sleeping in the city,

he's like, gone. I'd rather just fly out the next morning, right? I love him. I don't know. He's been doing it so long. So have you. You've been doing it for a while. Also, he's got a family.

So do I. I know, but you don't love your family. You know what I mean? No, but he's got to go home. He's got to go home to like you know what i mean i just they're older though you know i just feel like he's got that that's that sounds like a seinfeldian thing to be like i want to sleep in my own bed whether or not that's a true story or that's just a fucking i heard ari say um his superpower is not having kids and i was thinking about that for a long time and in a way it is he's 100 right and ari zari but also my

superpower is i do have a kid because and you just my business manager showed me this when i had a kid before i had a kid i was here when i as soon as i had that kid everything went to here yeah i didn't even so i didn't think about it there was no plan it's just this papa bear energy kicks in yeah all of a sudden these juices are flowing yeah like oh that thing i want to do i'm gonna do that oh i was thinking about doing this i'm gonna do that and then it's just things started to line up man are you mad are you mad at ari no i love ari are you mad about the fucking drugging bert do you think that's a people got mad because they thought it was a mean thing to do was to put molly in um man around the family like if i told you i put something in there i'd be

upset yeah you'd be pissed because i i got shit to do see i have birds i have birds back on this heart i love already death but i was like dude that's not cool it's not cool to give somebody someone to not tell them it's cool to be like yo do you want to do this thing especially like the heavy dosage and bert had like he had a set that night like a big show that night i think he said he had a no i think he's getting on the plane he's a set that night like a big show that night i think he said he had a no i think he's gonna get on the plane he's getting on a plane to do a show oh he was yeah like he was going that night and then also are you around your kids like i love ari but i'm like but also i i didn't want i just saw a clip of it and what burt told me but so i don't know

the whole extent of it but like ari would never do that to Rogan. No, dude. What the fuck? Are you nuts? He'd kill him. No way. He would never. He would never. I don't think he'd do it to Tom. Tom don't play that game. No, Tom, he couldn't do it to Tom. Tom's not a jokey... But that's the problem with Bert. It's like Bert's so fun and fun-loving and loose that Ari probably thought it would be okay.

I'm sure Ari was like, of all the people I could do it to... I don't know how close Ari and Bert are. It doesn't matter. Bert's just such a fun-lo a fun loving i want to party guy like you could do it to brian callen but that'd be funny be funny it'd be funny even if he got mad it's even funnier even funny should we dose callen be hilarious let's dose the shit out of him let's give him mushrooms and not tell him let's let's go get lunch somewhere and rape him wait what no no i'll rape him i'll rape him i'm not afraid to say that. I'll rape Brian Callen for sure. I'll fuck him up, dude. I just

think dosing someone... A buddy of mine did it to me when we were in college. College makes sense. You're a dumbass. I know, but I was leaving that night. I was leaving D.C. and it was a thunderstorm and I was going to get on a plane in a thunderstorm. What did he dose you with? That's what I was going to say. It wasn't anything bad. It was just condensed

THC butter. So it was just weed butter. But still. But it was a lot, dude. It was a lot, dude. Because we ate this meal. Do you remember the Stouffer's, the dinner for two? You know, like the bag and the pan? Hell yeah.

Dude, he cooks this up. It's like noodles and chicken. And I remember sitting watching TV, and it's thunderstorming outside. And he goes, how do you feel? And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, how do you feel? I'm like, I mean, I'm full. I'm good. Like, I thought he was asking, like, did I get enough food? Good meal, man. I was like, what do you mean? He's like, how do you feel? I'm like, I mean, I'm full. I'm good.

Like, I thought he was asking, like, did I get enough food? Good meal, man. I was like, I'm good, man. He's like, I put a whole bunch of THC butter in there. Dude, within seconds, I run to the bathroom. I was like. I feel like you wouldn't be cool with it. I was not cool with it, dude.

Do not do it. You have a darkness. Don't do it. I'll fucking kill you. There's certain guys, yeah. Don't dose me. I only want to do drugs when I feel like doing drugs. I'm a guy.

I'm not a big drug guy. You haven't done a lot of drugs. No. What's the worst you've done? I did ketamine on accident. What the fuck? Like two weeks ago. How do you slip into ketamine?

I was in this group in Austin with some close friends of mine. Obviously not that close. Really close. And you got... I didn't know... I'm such a moron. He was like, oh, you want some ketamine? I was like, excuse me?

And I go, what do you do? He goes, oh, you just spray it. It makes you feel good. I was like... What do you mean spray it? I'm lost. It was a nasal spray. Oh, what the fuck? Special K.

I've never seen a spray before. Never heard of it. Yeah. So I was like, oh, I spray shit all the time. My nose has allergies. So I went... Man, I felt fantastic. For how long?

Probably like four hours. Did you slip into what's called a K-hole? Do you know what that is? No. You kind of like stare at something for an extended period of time, and you like drift away into like a black hole? I was staring at this girl's titties. Hell yeah, dude.

Hey, dude. Give me them titties, dude. What's up, dude? What's up, bitch? Give me them titties, girl. What's up, bitch? What's up? I started talking like that.

What's up, motherfucker? Hey, what's up with them titties, girl? What's up, girl? Suck this dick, girl. Sounds like Doc from the comedy show. What's up? Hey, what's up with them titties, girl? What's up, girl? Suck this dick, girl. Sounds like Doc from the comedy show. What's up? Hey, what's up

with them titties, Drew? What's up, Drew? Yeah, I have no idea. And then ketamine, I was like, yeah, it's whatever. It just makes you feel good drug.

It's like a light molly. And then I was talking to Brian just randomly. Diet molly, yeah. And I was like, Zico, how was your weekend? I was like, oh, it was good, man.

Yeah, I did this ketamine and he's like, excuse me? And I was like, yeah, it was just a spray i felt fine he's like dude that's a serious drug it is a serious drug but i mean special k i went never heard of it i've never heard of it really never heard of it but you're from i would absolutely 100 do it again you would oh dude what drug would you never do again

have you done cocaine no same never touched it no never fucked with it never never cocaine no like we're both pausing like oh okay i don't like uppers i you know i i get that i've been fucking with nicotine lately you've been smoking no not smoking here's that so nicotine gets a bad rap because it's delivery system but nic nicotine for people with like, older people with like, what they found out, obviously you're going to get lung cancer from smoking. But the nicotine delays or cures dementia, brain trauma. So there's a lot of

huge benefits to nicotine. Well, how are you taking it? By pill? Or by vape? No, vape, terrible for you too. Packets. I have these little packets. It's not a chew, so there's no fiberglass or anything. But it's these packets that slowly drain into your gums. Holy shit, can I have? I want to try this.

Yeah, I'll give you some. Can I tell you something? Are you out tonight? You have sex tonight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you some tonight. Improv store, improv. Can I tell you something secret?

Yeah. I started smoking a little bit again. So are you a cigarette guy? I used to smoke cigarettes a long time ago. I find it kind of sexy, dude, like a James Dean. I'm not going to lie, dude. I fucking, sometimes I love a cigarette. You look cool with a cigarette.

I like cigarettes. It's so annoying that like once in a while, people that smoke know. Years ago, I quit smoking. And then like sometimes like. Just a drag? I don't know, man. I love it. Nah, I just, I'll sneak a cigarette by myself.

It's like a sad, shameful, like take a walk around the neighborhood. That's how I am with cupcakes. Ew. You go walk around and get fat i am with cupcakes yeah you go walk around get fat with cupcakes oh like a big fat bad boy like do you go to the grocery store and will you eat like 12 of them and shit what i'll do i'll go to whole food you know how they have those little glass come on dude so i'll go buy i go all right is that gingerbread i'll have one but then i how many what's your glut what's your most gluttonous point like when you're really

like letting it go you rock out will you sit and like eat a whole box of donuts by yourself or a whole pizza by yourself I'll eat an entire cheese pizza from Joe's by my hood

which is fantastic I'll get extra marinara Joe's Obliger Street from New York that's what you're talking about but it's a fake one it's not the real Joe's Joe's in New York

the best pizza in the world yeah so it's not Joe's Obliger Street this one is called Joe's and I posted about them and the real Joe's hit me up they have my picture on the wall because there's a Joe's on Sun York, the best pizza in the world. Yeah. So it's not Joe's Oblique Street. This one is called Joe's, and I posted about them, and the real Joe's hit me up. They have my picture on the wall. Because there's a Joe's on Sunset next to the store.

That's Joe's Oblique Street from New York as well. They're not the real Joe's. They're not connected. Oh, so never mind. I posted about them, and the real Joe's in New York went, hey, man, don't tag us in that. This ain't us. Not our shit. My bad.

My bad. Oh, but I will order this fake Joe's out here in California with extra marinara. I'll eat the whole pizza, and then I'll get Oreos, and I'll eat two sleeves worth with coffee. With coffee? With coffee. Why? Because you want to shit it out? Nope.

Just because? You just want the coffee? Coffee and cookies, bro. What the fuck? Coffee and cookies sounds like my grandmother. I know. My grandmother was a big, fat woman. She would just eat coffee and cookies all day long, bro.

Yeah, so like. And she would eat like shortbread cookies though, you know, like just sugar cookies really, you know. Oh, she'd dunk, eat, dunk, eat all day long. I love it, dude. Yeah? I love it. Do you have fat people in your family?

My grandma's fat as fuck. She's alive? 99, just turned 99. Shut up. What does she do? What does she do to stay alive? That's it? Yeah, super fat.

This is why this stuff is bullshit it means nothing you can be the healthiest guy she used to swim everyday though she still swims but she swam everyday since she was like 12 years old up until what

60s 70s no no in her 90s she was swimming around like a god damn fucking walrus see swimming is good

it doesn't break any of your joints it's not gonna fuck up your back it's not gonna fuck up your knees she was thick well she still is thick she's a heavy woman. Big girl. Where did you get your size from?

Probably her. Or no, I asked my dad that. Because your dad is not a big guy? My dad's 6'3", 220. In shape. Better shape than me. That's big. He's pretty big.

But my grandpa's dad, he was from England, was big. Big guy? 6'6". British guy? Yeah, 6'6", 260, street brawler. Really? One of those old British street boxers that fought like this? Yep.

Crazy mustache. What? Yeah. You got pictures and shit? I got pictures, yeah. Tattoo at that era? Yeah. Super rare.

Sailor tattoos, yeah. Oh, well, okay, okay, yeah. I was just going to say, only two ways, right? If you were in a gang or you were a sailor. Sailor. And now everyone has tattoos anyway. Do you regret some of these fucking things? how many uh all of them this entire sleeve here that boat that boston red socks tattoo nope don't regret you don't regret that no just because it's

singular it's by itself that's why i think it's weird no put something around it nope put the green monster on it no i put the green monster around your fucking put the monster right around your arm my son's name's's Boston My son that comes in November Is Boston Boston Jay Oh that's embarrassing You guys are such trash Boston people are so

Fucking trash Dude my fucking kid's Fucking name is Boston bro No I don't know It has I don't know I just like Why do you like the Red Sox

You're from Denver though No it has nothing to do With the team Anything It just I just love the name Boston Boston Jay But why the Red Sox on your arm?

Because it represents Boston. So I have this for my son when he was born, so I got to get one for my new one. So stupid. Just different, man. But no connection to Boston. Zero. Boston's actually an English name.

It was originally... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, everything on the East Coast was England. New England is because we fucking came over and they were like there you go we're back again there you go yeah but still that's nothing that's not you you're denver you're colorado no but my mom was born and raised in england so my family's super english i guess yeah why don't you name your kid london then it's a dope name you are that white guy you do that right I do that I don't like normal shit I like loud cars

Coats Kids Yeah you like it big Nah I don't know If I like it big You like it You like it You like things

That are a lot That's a lot I like girls With big titties Big asses I like fast cars Did you ever date A girl with small boobs

If she had a great ass Yeah So I had to have the ass So white girls Never really on the table When you dated Never There's a few white girls Out i had to have the ass so white girls really never really on the table when you dated never there's a few white girls out there not really with the squats you feel me that's a new thing now because i think all the butts are fake are all the butts fake i see all the butts now they all look fake all white girls with big butts i'm like but if they're fake

it's like if it's a brazilian butt lift it's just fat in their ass yeah but i just i think about long term what is that doing what is that? You're looking too much into it. I know. I have too much scope. Yeah. I have too much view on the world. You're too cool. It's happening now, dude.

You've got to live the moment. It's happening now, dude. Bust nuts now. Bust nuts now. Welcome back to Bust Nuts Now. My guest today is Brennan Schraub. Bust Nuts Now. BNN, the BNN network.

And he's busted. Yeah, no, the big butt thing is just, I see it all the time and I'm always like, eh, fucking. Also, I don't know why the obsession with butts. I don't understand that. It's where you poop from. I don't get why that's a big deal.

I don't know why people like butts so much. It's in our DNA, you know? Well, hips are because you birth, birth. Big hips, big ass. I know, but seeing a big fat ass. Fat titties. Fat titties to milk? Yeah. I don't want that. It's in our DNA. Yeah. You see a girl a big fat ass. Fat titties. Fat titties to milk? It's in our DNA.

You see a girl with a flat ass. I like no ass and no tits. I want a boy. I want a 13-year-old boy body. Your wife looks like Mr. Burns or what? It's a boy. It's a boy. She's a boy. She's a young boy who scantily

skips around town with the fucking stick in the wheel and shit. Like it's the twice. That's your vibe, man. That's my shit, dude. You don't have any tattoos. Dude, I would never. Why am I going to fuck up this perfect, beautiful skin? No, I can't get tattoos because I don't like anything that much.

See, I don't think it's that serious. It is, though. It's on your body for the rest of your life. Who cares, though? No. But I'll say this. As a comic now, I'm self-conscious

of my tattoos. So you'll see, unless I'm on the road doing my crowd, which they are obviously familiar with my tattoos. Sleeves. I'm at the store,

at the improv. Long sleeves. Long sleeves. Always. Yeah, I guess I... It's a distraction. I never thought about that. I already look like an asshole.

The way I dress. I'm big. He's a big, goofy, goony fucker. Just a big dude. Yeah. that I already look like an asshole The way I dress I'm big He's a big goofy Goony fucker Just a big dude Yeah So I'm like You know

They're like Fuck this guy You don't want to give them More reason to be like Fuck you But unless When you're on the road You'll short sleeve it

They know Yeah I can't get a tattoo Because I just For me I'm zero Zero to a hundred I know if I get one tattoo

I'll have more than you Within a month It's exhausting Within a month I would do that I'm a fool get one tattoo, I'll have more than you. Within a month. It's exhausting. Within a month, I would do that. I'm a fool. I would go, well, I want the whole arm. And I wouldn't stop until I got the whole arm.

I'm the kind of guy that likes something around the house. It's not, I'll get to it later. I'm going to get to it now, and I'm going to do fucking all of it. Me too. The Halloween decorations that you saw outside? One day, in one afternoon. That's how I am. I got to do it. I have to finish it.

If I like something, I have to do it. I have this coat i'm obsessed with i'm into fashion dude you're a big fashion head yeah you're a fashionista bro dude i'm wearing fucking sweatpants i don't give a shit i just noticed that but these are comfy bumpkin dude you know they're pretty cool though you look you look cool you always dress cool i always dress chill i'm about as you know you know i dress like this with like no no labels in blank? Because if I die, I don't want to be embarrassed in what I die in. That's fair.

I think about that all the time. If I have a heart attack walking the dog, I don't want to be in some ridiculous shirt where they're like... You're being like a fucking Jordan shirt.

Yeah, I don't want to be wearing a Jordan tank top. You know what I mean? I don't want to look like a fucking asshole when the ambulance is carrying me away and they're like,

what happened to that weird looking asshole? I want to wear blank clothes. Basketball fan, huh? I'm already ready to go. Bury me in this. You're ready for the leisure of death. Do you want to be buried or do you want to be lit up?

I don't want to be lit up. You don't want to be? No, you don't want to be cremated? No, who knows where technology's at? Who knows? What, do you want to be frozen? Freeze me up, dude, like Walt Disney. I want to be mafied.

I want them to put cement on my feet after I die and throw me in the ocean. I think that's cool. Mafia me after I'm dead. Oh, wow. Because they would do that to kill people. They'd cement them and throw them in the ocean. You know that, right? Yeah.

Cement them and throw them in a lake. Cement me after I'm dead, and then let me weaken at Bernie's my way at the bottom of the ocean. Oh, wow. Let the fish eat me. Make me food. Oh, I feel... That's so dark, man. Why not

What do you want to say What's your body's all gone I don't know Your soul is gone Maybe This is the shell Maybe The shell means nothing

We don't know dude I know We don't know Do you really think There's some worth to this No It's just a meat vehicle This is the most important thing

The brain The brain So if there's no way To save that But even the brain Well aren't they Thinking they can download now with technology, the thinking subconscious,

conscious. I think they're trying to understand how to. I heard a very smart guy say, right now we can. By the way, we're two not smart guys talking about this. So we'll see where this goes. This is all bro science.

Yeah, this is all bro science. Welcome back to bro science, dude. Strap the fuck in or don't. Don't wear your seatbelt. You might live longer. Fucking A. Also bust nuts and get tattoos. Bust nuts-sign, dude. Strap the fuck in. Or don't. Don't wear your seatbelt. You might live longer. Fucking A. But also bust nuts and get tattoos and live in the moment.

Bust nuts, get tattoos, dude. Thug life. Work for us. Work for us. Or him. So what? If they could download your brain? I heard a very smart guy say they can basically recreate any organ, heart, lung, muscle, everything. Except for the brain. The one thing they can't figure out

is the brain. Totally, dude. That's it. That's's it that's my point though so something all this stuff doesn't mean shit so also stop playing football though you know i know and also stop fighting but i kind of it's a part of our dna i know fighting is the beginning of time do you think you have cte cte yeah do you think you have brain damage sometimes when you you look at me and your left eye droops and it looks down at my leg. No, that's how I was born. Chameleon eyes. I don't know. I think I use,

and I was talking with this guy, Dave Logan, who's like a Denver icon. Played at University of Colorado. He was All-American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go Buffs, go Buffs, baby. Played 10 years for the Broncos.

And him and I were talking about CT. I go, you worry about it? He goes, nah, man. I just, and he goes, and I were talking about CT I go you worry about it he goes nah man I just and he goes and I think same thing for you we use our brain so much

and we're firing with those neurons it's just I don't think it's there man so you think because the nodes are firing so often that you're clearing out all that

I have to constantly use it you know and I'm you know with CBD oil and fish oil like so you think you're fixing it you're like Gronk you know Gronk says he got rid of all he said CT doesn't exist for him Rob Gronkowski you know, with CBD oil and fish oil. So you think you're fixing it. You're like Gronk.

You know, Gronk says he got rid of all, he said CT doesn't exist for him. Rob Gronkowski, you know who that is? I do. And I think by him saying he doesn't have CT shows that he has CT. For sure he's got it. Yeah, without a doubt.

Him spiking the ball all the time and shit. Well, also if you hear him speak in conversation, you're like, oh boy. Yeah, go out. It's going to be a long life, brother. Oh boy, this is an interesting guy. If you're talking like that. Yeah, I don't, yeah.

I mean, I don't know. How many times have you been knocked out? I mean, if you combine football. Sleepy, sleepy knockout talking like that. Yeah, I don't... Yeah, I mean, how many times have you been knocked out? I mean, if you combine football... Sleepy, sleepy knockout. ...and fighting... Yeah. Ten? No.

Less? Less than that, yeah. But football? How many times in football? I was never knocked out. I was never knocked out cold. How many concussions are in your name?

That's the problem. I, you know, played football since I was four. And then fighting when I was four, Dad. Yeah, well, you know, Dad's got to put you somewhere. Yeah, pay for college. Yeah, he's not going to love you. Yeah, that's true.

How many times did you get concussions, do you think? Over a dozen? Yeah. Damn, dude. But there's a thing that you can do a blood sample. You get your DNA checked, and there's some sort of precursor where if you're more prone to the concussions, where it's going to affect you long term, I don't have it. Oh, really?

They can test for that shit? They can test for it. I have three concussions under my belt. From what? Sports, all sports. One football, two basketball. You used to play football? When I was in junior high.

And then I realized I wanted to play basketball in high school. Smart man. So my dad was like, you can't do both. You're going to get hurt in football and not be able to play football? When I was in junior high. And then I realized I wanted to play basketball in high school. Smart man. So my dad was like, you can't do both. You're going to get hurt in football and not be able to play basketball season. Smart dad. Yeah, he just knew I was way better at basketball than I ever was at football. So it was so obvious. He was like, what do you want to do?

Get hurt at a sport you're not even that good at? You're okay? That's where I'm at with my kid. It's like... Don't get hurt in a sport where you're good, so you can't play the sport that you're very good at. Yeah, but if you're good so you can't play the sport that you're very good at. Yeah, but you're not... If you're not going anywhere...

Like, if my son's not insanely skilled at football, if this ain't taking you somewhere... How would you know? You know. You're going to let him try, though? Oh, I'm going to let him try. That's my point.

I just feel like even... Man, when I was in middle... Like, you know. I'm just telling you, you know. No, yeah. No, no, no. You can tell. You can tell.

Yeah. Like, now, in preschool, if they toss a ball in there, it's like my son's fucking – it's game over. You can see, huh? So you're going to let him play? I'm going to let him try it. And if he's passionate about it and that's what he's focused on, I'm like, all right, dude. It could take you down an awesome road. I don't – him getting to the NFL, it's less than 1% chance.

But also just the connections and the people, the relationships you're going to develop, the networking. That's going to be fantastic. What do you want your daughter to do? I don't have a daughter. Another boy on the way. Oh, it is another boy. I wish it was a girl, though. You do? Why? I want a girl, man. Insane. You're out of your fucking

head. Nah. You want a girl? Yeah. You want a girl in Los Angeles? Yeah. She's going to be at Hyde just getting smacked in the face with dicks. You're going to be down the street at the store telling jokes. Hopefully if you're a better dad. Dad, no one said. No, I don't think it has anything to do with a dad anymore. You don't?

I think it's cultural. I do. I think this city is the cultural Mecca wasteland of ruining young girls' lives. So where should we raise them? Go back to denver nope it's social media dude social media fucks them but i think the city i think the city has all the devils though no la has all the devils social media has the devils no matter where you're at here's the move to boise idaho i'm sure you'll be safe no dude because he has instagram so growing

up when you and i when we got a bike yeah it'd been a piece of shit yeah it was our bike we thought it was the baddest bike in the neighborhood. Maybe it was. But now my kid goes on Instagram. He sees Billy in New York gots a way better bike. And he's like, oh, my fucking sucks. Your kid is on Instagram at three years old? No, fuck, no. I'm just saying as he gets older.

But get him an iPhone, though. He should have an iPhone by now. By three? But yeah, three or four. I feel like four is the age where you get him an iPhone, right? Don't get him the Pro. Just get him the 11. Just the regular?

Yeah, just the 11. Or give him a flip phone. Yeah. yeah yeah your son's like bill murray yeah yeah no i know what you mean social media is ruining me to fuck you yeah it's gonna ruin even with stand-up comedy like uh someone's conversation with a comic the other night where like do you get jealous now because of social media she's seeing i don't i've never had that problem okay so what do you mean? Who does? A lot of comics do because they compare themselves to other comics. On the come up.

Once you reach a certain point. I think some big boys. Who? I don't want to say names. Call it out, you fucking bitch. Nope, nope. You know how it is. You've been around the scene. I know, dude, but...

They're comparing where they're at to this guy. I think the goats don't do that. I think the best of the best don't do that. The goats don't because they're there. They don't care. They don't care. So what, guys at my level do that, you think? Just find your level.

Working professional comedian with a solid fan base. Working professional comedian with a solid fan base. That's it. I'm not up for it. Give me some other examples. Guys in my realm? Yeah, who who is guys in my realm yeah give me some guys in your room every i mean people we perform with at our at our level i would tony hinchcliffe um uh fucking um you know ian edwards uh you know what i mean like guys that solid fan

base working professional comedian who tour and yeah that there's a bevy of, there's a fuckload of us. The majority of the people at the store. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like the best of the best. There's only a few of them. And I feel like, I don't know. I feel like my generation of guys doesn't really hound on what other people are doing anymore. I feel like that was like a thing of the past for my guy, my generation. I don't pay attention as much as I used to. I think it's just because you get older and you don't care. I'm also newer in the game, but to me, it's inspiring when I see it. Okay, how about this?

I'm more supportive than I used to be. I'm more happy for other people that are kicking out shit. I think you have to be, otherwise no one has time. You're not going to survive. You're going to get eaten alive. If you're not happy for all the, especially at the store, all of us, we're going to get eaten alive. If you're not happy for all the... Especially at the store, all of us. We're out in the

parking lot. If you're not happy, you're out. Yeah, you kind of get kicked out by your own omission, huh? Isn't that weird? That kind of happens. It doesn't mean you have to be happy all the time. I think you and Fahim are in the same boat. There's guys like... This is where I list you. You, Fahim,

you're... Just hear me out list you like you fahim you're i think just hear me out here you fahim um guys like um uh what's his fucking name new york comic one of my favorite people in the world uh not schultz schultz is i love andrew mark norman yeah i love mark you guys right yeah yeah mark norman yeah that's my class santino and uh uh mark norman right so yeah so Mark Norman, Schultz, Santino, and Mark Norman, right? Fahim, yeah. Fahim. So there's you four. Yeah.

To me, it's just a matter of time before the world goes and the light's on you. It's like, oh, well, there's your next four. The next crew, right. Yeah, like you guys are so good at stand-up. So when I go on the road and I see stand-up and this guy's like, I'm barely getting up i'm doing this i'm like dude i'm i see these guys who are as soon as the rocket ships on them it's it's game over and i see how hard they work and you're not working that hard you're not even the race brother yeah there's a lot of those like you have no idea that's true i see it all the time but you're looking at you're you're seeing it the most right you see it all the time. But you're seeing it the most, right? You see it a lot. I'm submersion.

Social media sees it. I try to not see it anymore. Oh, no. I'm probably better at social media as far as not seeing it, negative or positive comments than anybody. I don't see any of it. You don't read any of that shit? I post. I haven't read a comment this month.

Let's read some. Please don't. Let's read one right now. Please don't. This is going to be fun. This is for me. Let's see. Brendan Please don't. Let's read one right now. Please don't. This is going to be fun. This is for me. Let's see. Brennan Schaub.

Okay. Let's read. Let's just do one picture of you. Are you going to be mean to me? No. Why would I be mean to you? Let's just one picture. So you, Jeremiah, and...

Jade. Jade. Okay. Here we go. This is what the internet is, by the way. First comment I see. Beto DM'd hating on my story. What a scrub.

Has nothing to do with your photo. Okay. Anyone know where that jacket is from? Need that jacket. Funny show last night. These are all nice. Who's the cuck? Are they talking about Jeremiah or me?

I don't know. Jeremiah seems more cucky than you for sure. Yeah, he would want somebody to fuck his wife and watch. Look, it's Adam Sandler. That jacket is fresh. Fire. Girl on the left is fine. This is all very nice, dude.

This is really, really nice. These are all very nice. There was no hate. There was no hate. I put a picture up. But here's the thing. If there's any hate, it won't last. It won't translate to you.

Well, I don't see positive or negative because I have an assistant cat who I don't put up with any negative. Let's say today I'll post a picture of you and me. Santino, you're blocked. You're gone. I don't do it.

I have someone deal with it. There will be no negative. I won't put up with it. Get the scrubs out. you have no time for it that's so interesting you're because because what you're really communicating is you you don't need someone to say something nice but you cannot say something mean that's what you're saying say if it's an opinion like uh man if they put man i think shop stand-ups bad compared to santino that's an opinion that's fine i won't block you don't like when someone's like...

If they go, oh, you fucking suck, all right, you're out, dude. You're out. I love that. They do that because they want your attention. But I don't see it.

I know. I'm just saying those people do that because they follow you because all they want to do is to have you acknowledge it, right? For sure. They want you to go,

what's up, dude? Fuck you. Rogan posted a thing saying I'm going to Cleveland or Detroit with him at the end of the month. And some guy, some guy,

dude, I am as good as I can be about avoiding this shit. Some fucking guy, like six comments in a row about being like, I don't know why you bring this fucking loser with you.

This guy sucks. He's jealous. It's fine. It's fine. I don't care. I was like, Did you pop off at him? No, but this was like

a 60 year old man you're like are you good dog are you do you not have yeah do you not have shit going on nobody's not no that's not well that's what scares me like when it's a young kid i get it it's fine i actually kind of when it's a young kid i'm like yeah it was a 20 something year old but it's not fine i don't care i do i don't care here's my thing i don't care i care more when it's a dad dude you're you got four kids and you have like a mortgage and shit. There's nothing worse. That makes me sad. But it's just his insecurity.

But also, I used to, when I would see it, if they had kids, I would DM and go, dude, you're a dad. You're a dad, dog. Go tell your kids that you just hated on this successful dude. Let me know how it goes. On the internet. Yeah, see? You're right.

That's what I'm saying. That's why it's more sad when they're older. But when they're young, too. I don't associate. I don't know any... I don't fucks with anybody who would leave a negative comment on somebody else's page. I like that about you, dude. No one.

You don't deal with it? No. Oh, that's so sweet. That means you got... Something's right up here, then. The fact that you have that in you, because I'm not quick enough to... I kind of go through this thing of like, whatever maybe that guy's a fucking maybe that's his thing he means just a hater and that's his thing and let him let him let him deal that with that on his

own i just like i kind of like i i let them you know what's fun too is letting my fans deal with it or they'll light them up yeah there's that i kind of think that's funny that's fun so as a comedian that's funny because to me it's kind of like, if I want to have some fun with it, I'll just be like, hey, what's up with this guy? My thing is, it's just like, there's enough negativity in the world. You don't fucking need it. You don't need it at all. I love that. No, listen, listen.

Life is tough enough. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It is. What's your deepest, darkest secret? I'm gay are you really no

are you really gay look at me in the face and say you're not gay not gay you're gay dude like I said I've never met your wife so I was like man

this is a weird situation so what dude maybe I am by the way if I was gay dude I'd be so famous in Hollywood by now oh my god can you believe it

do you Brad Pitt I'd be gay Brad Pitt I'm sorry I'd be red headed Brad Pitt I would be big gay rock Pitt. I'm sorry. I'd be redheaded Brad Pitt. I would be big gay rock. You'd be big gay rock. I'd be the rock. Should we do a gay rock bat Brad Pitt?

Yeah. We'll do a buddy comedy. Buddy comedy like that. Yeah. We're just gay. Where we fight crime and then we fuck at the end? Yeah. We get in the car and we're like, uh, uh, uh.

Good job, babe. And you're like, don't forget. Don't forget who we are. And then we get in the car and just tugging you off as we drive away in the sunset. That'd be sick, dude. They haven't had any gay superheroes. I mean, superheroes have been gay, but they haven't had

a gay hero when he's done. Captain America sucks, dude. Is he gay? I think so. Wind, earth, fire, water. With our forces combined. Yeah, I don't know, dude. He was. I'm sure.

I just think they've never had like a, like, you know, you'll never see like Batman go home and kiss a dude. Well, Robin's clearly a gay man. Robin's not gay, dude. I know people say that, but Robin was not.

No, he wasn't, dude. Robin was just like the insecure little homie from the hood that he tried to help out. That's all it was. That's fair. Robin was just his homie

that he was like, dude, I'll help you out. Because Batman was still clipping. He was still clipping those. Batman was popping. He was always clipping the insecure little homie from the hood that he tried to help out that's all it was that's fair robin was just his homie that he was like i'll help you out because batman was still clipping he was so clipping i was popping he was always trying to put robin on wasn't he and robin just never robin got content you know robin you know what robin is robin is batman's opener but he just is not that good he's lenochi i'm just kidding that was so good no dude let know I love you. No, dude, let that one sit. Let that one sit. Nope, nope, I love him. Let that one sit.

That's so good, shop. Let that one sit. Nope, I love him. Chris is Batman. Linoche's Robin, isn't he? That's so good. And who is Mark Hayes? Who's the Irish idiot?

He's the Riddler, isn't he? No, no, no. He's a fucking... Yeah, no. What's his... Alfred. He's fucking Alfred. He's the butler. Hayes is the but the Irish idiot? He's the Riddler, isn't he? No, no, no. He's a fucking... Yeah, no. What's his... Alfred. He's fucking Alfred. He's the butler.

Hayes is the butler. The potato. Potato. Hey, what's up, potato? You plugging? That is right. Yes, he is the fucking Riddler. What would your superhero relationship be with Callan?

Who would Callan be to you? Callan would be... Shit. If you guys were were superheroes what would your relationship be what would your relationship be with theo if you're superheroes if me and cal were superheroes uh if you've ever seen the dark knight he's like the leader right like he he was the leader of the dark shadows yeah but i'm batman yeah but you're still batman the traits i'm like oh you're a moron i don't want to do this I'm going to dip out

and I whoop his ass and then do my own thing that's what that is but he taught me he taught me everything he did but then eventually I go oh you're crazy

I'm out the student has become the teacher did you have was there a problem when you started with Theo when you did the podcast instead of doing it

just with I talked to Callan first I was just like... He didn't care, huh? I think he was like, if this is what you want to do, how many podcasts do you want to do? I think it might take away from firing the kid. I said, I'll try it.

If it is an issue, I'll stop doing it. You tell me. You want me to stop doing it? I'll stop doing it. Just let me know. Brian's such a good person and just so supportive. We haven't had any issues. That's good. It's hard to a good person and just so supportive. We haven't had any issues. That's good. Most people don't. I mean, it's hard to do one, so I get it.

But also, Brian's doing, I think they're going to revamp the 10-minute podcast with Delia, him, and Sasso. Yeah, they should. Yeah, of course. But what me and Brian have is so special. I think me and Brian, especially now, we're seven years in. We just had our 500th episode, and we and we're way over 500 that's what's funny is we started counting when we got the fox we probably had 200 more episodes before that damn we're doing on brian's garage

so me and brian have been together forever so it's like you know i didn't announce what this is this is my one year anniversary isn't that wild i can't i wanted to have you this is my one year well let me that's it's funny because somebody else said that. They were like, it's a military chopper. Isn't that crazy? The fires, dude. I know. Seriously, what that is. When the military choppers go by, that's when I hear that.

That's super rare. Let me just check my phone. Yeah, you're good. My wife's not like, my kid's on fire. Well, hold on. Yeah, this will be my anniversary episode. Clip this out. Let's say goodnight.

Sure. You got to make sure you're not burning down to the ground. I need to fight some fires. I know. Everybody who knows you already knows. People that don't know, you should really listen to Fighter and the Kid and also King and the Sting because they're both phenomenal podcasts. And also, dude, you have another fucking

I mean, what do you mean? You're doing three shows at once right now, right? I got a lot right now. You're still doing the Showtime show? That's why I don't do a lot. Are you still doing the Showtime show or not? Oh, yeah. I just signed a new deal with them. I can't get into it. But yeah, they're going to announce it.

But yeah. Okay. Yeah, man. Where are you on the road? When's this come out? Next week? Yeah, Friday. A week from today.

I'm in Philadelphia tonight. Probably sold out, though, you fucks. You fucking losers. Wait outside and try to get a poster, a high five, hug way to go hot chicks i'll get you hot chicks you'll get in friday no chance dudes no chance no chance that's the tour is gonna be called dudes no chance dude no chance dudes no chance dudes only wait what no um so i'm in philly and then in november i'm in uh dallas salt lake city and then uh the big one in January, I'm in Boston at the Wilbur. It's almost sold out.

We're trying to get a second show. How fun, bro. That's so fucking great. Going back to your not-home hometown. TFATK.com. I love you, man. Go to FighterAndTheKid.com. T-F-A-T-K.

T-F-A-T-K.com. T-F-A-T-K.com to go find tickets. Or-K.com. T-F-A-T-K.com to go find tickets. Or Brendan Schaub on Instagram. I'll link all that stuff in the description. Go to andrewsantino.com for all my shit. I love you. Thank you for coming for my anniversary episode. Go save your family, dude.

Make sure nobody's burning. If you could lose one of your family members, who would it be? It's going to be kid or girl, dude. Got to get rid of the girl, dude. Got to get rid of the girl, dude. The kid's young. The boy's worth it. Yeah, he's got a lot to do.

My girl, her dream was a G-Wagon. She's there. You got her a G-Wagon and that's it? She's over? She's good. That's a really,

shoot for the, shoot for the ceiling, right? Well, yours is a 2002 BMW, you know? That's not my dream car. No, that's what you said. All right, it's my dream car. Will you buy it for me? It's $2,000.

Yeah, you got it, man. That's what I saw on eBay. For real? You're gonna buy it? All right, it's my dream car. Will you buy it for me? It's $2,000. Yeah, you got it, man. That's what I saw on eBay. For real? You're going to buy it? All right, dude. It's a promise. It's a promise. Promise is a promise.

Thank you to Brendan Schaaf for coming. Thank you guys for listening. This is my anniversary episode. This is wild. I should have made a bigger stink about it, but I didn't. But it's my one-year anniversary of doing this podcast. This is fucking crazy to me. And I thought of you to be my one year.

And how much better was this than the other whiskey show? Go ahead and say it. It's good. Go ahead and say this was better. It's good. Look at me in the fucking face and say it was better. Say it was better.

You're my boy, it was better. I love you. Goodbye. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy. Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five in the ginger beer. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.