Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Brooks Wheelan

Episode Date: May 10, 2019

Santino sits down with Brooks Wheelan (SNL) to chat about Brooks rainbow puking on my couch, getting kicked out of a bar in front of Roger Waters and his time at SNL. Go to http://www.brookswheelan.com for all things Brooks SEE ME LIVE!!! RALEIGH MAY 30- JUN 1 BRIDGEPORT, CT JUN 13-15 SAN DIEGO JUNE 21-23 TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com Go to http://www.andrewsantino.com for all things Cheeto Follow me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/cheetosantino/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'll do it for you. What do you want? Go like that. Okay. And do it like that. Okay. That way it's not in front of your face. All right.

I'm leaving that in, dude. That's fine. We're putting it in. Yeah. Cheers, Brooksies. Good to see you. Good to see you, babe. It's been a long time.

I thought about coming over here because I was like, I think they drink whiskey on the show, and I was like, you're part of the reason I stopped. I'm the reason that you stopped drinking booze? Well, the night of skittles oh yeah yeah yeah why don't you share that sir wait a minute let me introduce my guests first sorry in here we pour whiskey you're that creature in the ginger beard sturdy ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and $75 for the whore.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. Brooks Whelan.

Yay. Thanks for coming. Thank you. Thanks for having me. You are honestly one of my best friends. We don't see each other almost ever anymore but a while ago we did constantly

yeah we did and it was really fun it was the best it was like those like you know the two years before things start working out are like the most fun years

I was just gonna say I talked to a young comic about that about like the best time you'll have is when everyone is the most poor and has literally nothing to lose. Nothing to lose.

And all you do as a comedian is surprise the audience because they're like, wow, he wasn't racist. Wow, that guy was kind of good. Yeah, yeah. Versus now you're like, hey man, I paid 25 bucks. You better fucking. You better murder. Yeah.

You better murder. I have two fucking drinks. If you don't fucking kill, I'm going to be pissed. It was the most fun. Those years where we were bopping around. Yeah, they were the best. It was so fun. Yeah.

And one, I lived in Long Beach and I would crash on your couch. Yeah. Yeah. That was really your couch. I mean, you owned it at some point. Sure. Yeah. I lived there a lot.

And one Halloween, I rolled up and you went as Rose's front lady. We need to explain that for people. There is a woman here in Los Angeles who walks around around on sunset boulevard well yes yes but one in particular that's in my that was in my neighborhood um she's an older mexican woman and she sells roses and she'll go to bars at night she this woman exists in every city but this woman in particular was my favorite because she'll come up to you and she'll go roses for the lady and of course you're like oh no no no thank you and she'll go, roses for the lady. And of course you're like, oh no, no, no, no, thank you.

And she's like, hmm, she's like, fuck you. She's so like brash about you. She'll like look at your lady and be like, can you believe? Yeah, piece of shit

and walk away. So I dressed up that Halloween as roses for the lady girl. Roses for the lady, so you're going around handing people roses. And I did the classic forgot a costume.

Yeah, Barry Brooks. Shaved a mustache leather members only jacket unzipped nothing underneath with a bag of Skittles and I went as a

creep this is in 2011 so still okay I guess and I would put Skittles in people's was it okay then even no we got asked to leave

a lot of ours people wanted to fight me people wanted to fight you often and I put I put a Skittle in their drink, whatever their drink was. Well, the funniest is when you put a Skittle in a guy's beer because you can't get it out. If it's in one of these, you can fish out someone who will fuck you. But then I stayed in character because they're like, yo, what the fuck was that?

And I just go, I'll see you later. And then they'd be like, bro, you can't put stuff in people's drinks. I'm like, in retrospect, it was a terrible fucking idea. Terrible idea. But bottom line, we were drinking. This is when I was drinking whiskey. Not when I hadn't stopped yet. I was just going to say.

And I just don't drink as much anymore. Mostly because this night I got a giant bag of Skittles. We get wasted on Crown Royal. Because that's at the point in our lives where we thought that was really nice whiskey. That was high-end shit. Yeah, it was exciting. We couldn't afford it. It was like, are we getting fat tire?

Like, that's sort of like, dude, we got fat tire money. Holy shit. Is that Allagash White? Holy fuck. This guy's got money over here. Yeah. So we drank Crown Royal, and I ate the whole bag of Skittles. Because I got drunk, and I got Skittles that I'm fucking creeping everybody out with and then uh we go back to your house i'm blacked out and it's

your brand new apartment yeah brand new just moved in and i threw up a fucking rainbow on your carpet didn't wake you up it gets crazier yeah oh it's better didn't wake you up at all took a shower you're living with alice yeah uh not married yet and i'm also and i'm also re i was so drunk that i couldn't hear i can't believe i didn't hear you banging around the apartment yeah because i took a shower in your shower and i've never been in that bathroom before right like i came to in the shower and i was like oh boy that was bad and then i walked outside i was like it's worse i threw up all over your carpet so then you also i guess didn't wake up when i plug in your vacuum and just fucking vacuum up all the throw up brand new vacuum literally just bought it that fucking day

vacuum up all my barf and i'm like that'll fix everything then put the vacuum away in the closet and just zipped on out of the house yep left my phone. So then I drive home to Long Beach at like six in the morning, still wasted for sure. For sure. And I get there, I'm like, I don't know where my phone is. And then I call you and you're like, how fucking dare you? Dude, I was so mad. Because if you were still there, I would have been less mad. If you were there to handle the issue, I'd have been like, all right, he's here.

No, you fucking ghosted on me. Yeah. And I, wait, this is the worst part i knew that was throw i could smell the throw up like i knew it was there but i didn't even remotely think it would be in the vacuum that was the biggest trip then i was like oh it's in my vacuum it's not just out it was i was like god i can't get rid of this. My brand new Dyson. Shout out to Dyson, dude. Sucked it all right up. I felt terrible.

I bought you a new vacuum. You did. You bought me a new vacuum. I felt, that's when I was like, I don't think I should do hard alcohol. I mean, you went deep. Well, also, let's also say, we were partying a lot, and you were instigating a lot of trouble. You wanted to get in trouble that night. Whatever it was. Whether it was harming yourself or others. Many people

tried to fight you. I don't fight people. I'll take it to the limit to where they want to fight. That's exactly right. You push them right to the edge. I fuck with people until I got knocked out because of it once. Just one time? Only one time I've been knocked out. Because you push it sometimes. Yeah. I don't anymore because I'm like, after you get knocked out. when we were young when we were in our young 20s

you would do things where we'd go out and we'd be all fucking partying and you'd be you all you were doing is having too much fun that's all it is yeah i just like to fuck with i like to take a situation and make it weird oh you did and people don't like that if they don't know it turns out people get fucking pissed off when you push them to the end yes and you got knocked out because some dude was like well yeah well uh so go to bump it it was from it's always sunny so i go to bump it and then i go and it's like yeah yeah and then i'm it's i you i do a snake bite instead of a bump and then i go i tricked you and i was doing to everybody at a house party one time and i did some one guy he goes i don't play games with strangers and i was like uh all right this guy's's crazy. I go, I'm really sorry.

Genuinely, I'm really sorry. Bump it for real. And he's like, I'm not joking. I go, no, for real. And I him again. And he goes, do it one more time and I'm going to knock you out. And I go, buddy, I swear I do not want to fight. I'm really want to apologize.

Go to bump it again. Do the snake bite on his hand. And he knocks me the fuck out immediately and i fall into a cab i fall into like the pantry it was in a kitchen had a house party it was a house party house party in iowa city and i get up and i'm just like that guy sucker punched me and my best friend steve was like no no he said he's gonna knock you out yeah he laid it out really he said do that go and knock you out He laid it out really obvious for you He said do that again

I'm going to knock you out He knocked you out What kind of cartoon human goes Do it again I swear Obviously you're going to do it again Yeah Like obviously you're going to do it again Then we went outside and fought for real

Oh you did And I won And I I just I'm not going to I wrestled So I'm not going to throw a punch But I choked him out

Perfect And then I took his shoes off And threw him on the roof And then broke his phone Yeah I'm not going to throw a punch, but I choked him out. Perfect. And then I took his shoes off and threw him on the roof and then broke his phone. Yeah. I'm not a fighter, but I'll choke you out, break your phone, throw your shoes on the fucking roof. I felt so bad about that. That was when I was 21. I'll never fight again.

I felt so bad. But did you feel bad that guy sucker punched you? I instigated him. I know, but fuck that dude. He could have just pushed you in the chest hard. I didn't like it. I didn't like what I did. I had to have dinner with my grandma the next next day and my hands were all scuffed up.

Oh, Nana. Because I tackled him in the street. And she's like, what happened? And I was like, I fell rollerblading. Perfect cover up. Yeah, exactly. Grandma doesn't think twice. Now you fall knuckles down.

Ow! That's how it always happens. Yeah. So either way, yeah, that's who I used to be and I'm not that guy anymore. Moments of regret. You were also, we, I will say we have gotten the same level, like each year we've done all the stuff together that you do as standup comedians. We have done a lot of stuff.

Comics to watch, new comics. Did that together. Where I got tossed out of the bar. Yeah, you did. Tell that story. That's a, that's a great story. I've, see, I'll give you a piece of what I remember. I always sound worse.

I guess I'm the instigator. No, but what happened was, actually, we were partying really hard. Roger Waters was at that bar. Yes. Telling stories. It was the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. Okay, so this is at the New York Comedy Festival. We're doing Comedy Central's top 10 new comedians or whatever.

It's like you, me, Berlant, DeStefano, like a bunch of fun people. It was a lot of super funny fucking people. Now that I think about the class, I was like, oh, well, there was a really lot of fun. Really fun. And naturally, we take it too far. Too far. Well, we were excited. We were in New York.

They gave you a hotel. You're like, I want to party. We're the youngest. We're the newest comics. We don't have any TV credits. And then you're part of the first festivals for Just for Laughs. Yeah. So we're like, I can't believe that's Dave Attell.

It was incredible to see those guys. You were like, oh, I'm at the festival with these cool guys. I'm in the same festival as Maria Bamford. So naturally, we drank as much as we could. So naturally, we got thrown out of the party. Because Brooks goes, they go, we're closing the open bar. Comedy Central doesn't want to pay for an open bar anymore.

They're done. Instead of listening to Roger Waters tell cool stories to strangers, Brooks and I were like, let's steal liquor from the bar. But I said it

and as I said it, Brooks was doing it. It wasn't like formulated a plan. You just went behind the bar and started stealing liquor. Yeah, I put a bottle of vodka in my jean pocket,

inside jean pocket that still had the spout on it. And the guy was like, buddy, come on. It was so obvious. It wasn't even remotely hidden. He just goes, dude, dude, dude. He grabs you like, whoa, whoa, whoa, come on. Yeah, I was like, he's grabbing me. Harass me, dude.

And then we stayed another night in the hotel because I was like, I can't. I can't. I'm not in any shape to leave. No, no. It was. That was one of the most fun festival times I've ever had. Now that I go to festivals now are just so sincerely excited to be there. We were genuine friend.

Yeah. I think we like slept in the bed together the next day because I was like, I'm staying. I was like, I'm still. I'm fucking. Yeah. Yeah. I just called down. I was like, I'm fucking staying. I just called down. I was like, put another night on it. Whoever paid for it.

I'm sure I had to pay for it. But in my head, I was like, Comedy Central will get this. Absolutely not. Comedy Central will get this. That's a phrase that's never heard. Comedy Central will get this. Don't worry about it. But we've had so many fun times.

Yeah, we did. And then you left me and moved to New York for a while. Oh, yeah. That was a treat for me. What were you doing out there? Mad TV? I was doing... In Living Color?

SCTV. SCTV. The remake of it? Yeah. This is what I won't talk about. Brooks did Saturday Night Live. I did do it. And...

We don't need to talk about it. Well, we can talk about it. I have no problem talking about it. Let me just say the one quote that I know that you said to me. Okay. New York is the city that broke my brain. That's what you said. And that stuck out to me. Okay. New York is the city that broke my brain. That's what you said. And that stuck out to me.

That will forever stick out. I think I've repeated that to people. I go, you know, New York, that's the city that broke Brooks's brain. It did. You repaired it, but it broke for a while. I went there so happy, like so excited, 26. And it just kicked me in the dick so hard. And I was just like, woof.

It fucked you up. It fucked me up for like probably three years. What fucked you up the most? Was it like- It was Saturday Night Live. It was getting on your dream show and failing is difficult. See, I think that's fucked up because it's not a fail. It is to you though.

Sure, on a personal level, but from an outside perspective, it's not a fail. is to you though sure on a personal level but from an outside perspective it's not a fail sure because you're one of a thousand people that have been fired from that show right

but so I go on that show I fail and then I also move there and we won't don't need to get into this too deep with a girl who I just met and we end up getting engaged Charlize Theron

yes she hosted one of the episodes but and then when and then so I got engaged to her and then that

That fell apart So that was also involved In New York Right So it was losing the show And then SNL Engagement gone

Engagement that blew up That is not my fault I will I will go to Definitely not on me Yeah that's not on you And It was

So it was a combo of like Oh man I really stink Right It was you beating up yourself. Yeah. I remember, so I stayed in New York. This is like a real, this is like a classic New York story.

I stayed in New York for one more, like two more nights. My fiance at the time had like come back to LA because she was like, I don't want to help you move. And like, I don't want to help us move. I love you. I'm not going to help you move shit. Us move. Us move.

Yeah. Our shit. So I stayed to do some shows for John Oliver because I open for him a bunch at the Beacon Theater. And I was like, okay, I'll hang out, do these, then we're all home. And I go do the John Oliver shows and I get really drunk because of the molasses. I'm late to the shows because I got to return my spectrum box, like my cable box. Which would have been helpful if she was around to help you out.

Yeah. It would have really helped. So then I go, I'm like going to a ring a spectrum box down fucking yeah on the subway like to go do these theater shows and then a sad image by the way oh it was so sad so then I do the job I do shows I like him but then I get real drunk like he had like you know HBO get brought him a nice bottle of scotch or something so I put it down yeah cuz I'm sad he's like oh you like that yeah well he like

you know either way but then i get so drunk on the subway home i'm taking the subway home to my empty apartment to move back to la a failure the next day i started crying because i was like you know what maybe it wasn't new york city maybe it was me and my attitude that i brought here because it was like a beautiful image i remember a guy was playing violin like on like the like you know Broadway Lafayette stop and I was like it's so beautiful like and I start crying and I was like sobbing uncontrollably and a woman came over from the subway like

across and she put her hand on my shoulder and this fucking really happened she goes I was at the show you didn't do that bad that's such a good moment I was like I wasn't crying she's like no no no I mean you suck but it wasn't like

that's what it was I was like I thought it went pretty good she's like she's like I get the crying but like do it alone don't do it in public yeah day after day

you just walk out and people want to fight from an outside perspective for me like as my you were my first friend to like do the show well actually that's not true

that's not true but like you were the closest person i knew yeah no i i yeah i was so i mean i've been so excited for your successes and that was the first time i got to i got to quit my job to go do it was the coolest thing i remember feeling it for you and the one thing i'll say now that it's all in the past yeah the one thing that was a it was a bummer for me is i thought you felt like you weren't having fun like it felt like you weren't having to me i was like oh he doesn't look like he's having any fun no i wasn't having any fun because i came and i visit i saw you i visited and i was like miserable yeah i was like he wasn't having any fun that that's what bummed me out the

most about it i was like oh he's not having any fun yeah i was in an intense bad relationship and also the stress and pressure of that show i've talked about that show on this fucking thing a lot but well i remember and then also we had like kind of a little, so I'm fired. And then you're testing like the next day to maybe you, cause you almost went on the next year. Cause you and Pete were like, yeah,

me and Pete were the ones that were testing for the show. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember at my birthday, um, my 28th birthday, all SNL comes or whatever, you know?

Yeah. And they're there. I'm fired. And they're like, what do you know yeah and they're there i'm fired and they're like what do you know about andrew santino's like he's a great guy now's not the fucking you're replacing me yeah this isn't it he's awesome what but i like you replace you just fired me and you want dirt you want me to tell you who to hire instead of me it was a bad it was a bad situation in retrospect i've talked about that i don't want to harp on it but i think the p was the right choice they wanted someone very young i was 31 what was that 32 i don't know man like but i was but all i remember is you being happier when the show was over because it was like this

huge weight off your shoulders i was i was so obvious to me as your friend from the outside it was i was so happy before i went there right Right. And then I came back broke. Yeah, but you started to find yourself again more. No, it was like, I like going outside and camping and traveling. I love that. And when you're in New York, you're kind of in New York. I didn't have a car. There's nowhere to go. If you want to go anywhere, you got to get on a train.

And it's not even like you can go far away on a train. So I just felt trapped in New York. Which is why this works better for you i love los angeles because i can leave well not now easy transition wink you're doing a show called travels and such yeah because you want to get out and fucking well yeah it was basically just all things comedy we're like which i want i've invited you on one um yeah i want to go do it it'll be super fun yeah it was just yeah all things comedy was like what do you want to do uh and i was like i like to camp Was like what do you want to do And I was like

I like to camp And they're like we'll film it And I was like cool It's really cool It's you And two comic friends And you just go out to wherever Yeah so the next

To wherever So the next one That I want you to do Is you and Billy Wayne Davis I want to go to the Kern River Love Let's go Yeah

I was there this weekend I love that guy It was awesome He's a new dad Well he's also an older dad I think he has an older child, too. Well, I mean, he's just got a new kid. Yeah, he got a brand new kid.

Yeah, they just bought it. Billy Wayne's the best. Amazon. Yeah. Oh, on Amazon? They droned it to him, yeah. That's great. Yeah, you not getting SNL.

Thank God, right? It's interesting to... I'm almost glad I didn't get it because I never really saw myself dating Ariana Grande or Kate Beckinsale. I remember, well, I remember like, no, I just, it's not, it was, you know, what's a funny thing was is like everyone over there treated me really nice and I knew a bunch of people, but it was funny going over there and seeing like Beck and Kyle and those guys. And the mood has

always been, even though those guys are awesome, awesome dope dudes When you show up there To say hello Because you're like I'm going to meet with Lauren About maybe doing this show Yeah And everyone Including people that know you Are like

Oh yeah cool what's up man Hey No I People are like Get the fuck away from me I was the Like I mean I was so genuinely

I think I was too excited To be there Yeah But they kind of beat that out of me Yeah You know what I mean Like I showed up I was like

This is fucking awesome And they're like Be quiet And i'm like no no this is amazing like yeah and everyone well people kind of want to temper your expectations because i think there's so much stress and pressure people feel overwhelmed i mean sure but like i still i remember when kyle kyle did an update the first week and i tackled him in the hall and was so happy so excited yeah i was just like happy for the crew you know because to, the crew was all the new dudes. And yeah, it's just like, it's just kind of, it's a bummer. But I did meet a bunch,

so many cool people there. I was just going to say, there was good experience. When I went, I went to go visit SNL and Drake was performing. That was like the wildest. I stood, I was drunk as shit from drinking in Beck's dressing room.

Well, that was mine too. Yes. Or is this when I was still there? I don't know. You were there, weren't you? I knew Drake was around a lot. Well, he performed. Yep.

He was host and performer when I was there. And the one where he, maybe that was you. Maybe you were still there and we went to like Dave and Buster's or whatever afterwards. Yes. Yeah, because me, Beck, and Kyle

shared a dressing room and Drake was so cool. Yeah. He laughs a lot and we did a sketch where we both played Disney, like guys who worked at Disney World. Yeah.

I think Mike O'Brien was there too or something and Drake, we're the same age and he was like, dude, we're only like one or two bad decisions from like being these guys. Like to me,

because me and him were getting along together. You're like Drake. And O'Brien goes, Brooks is one or two bad decisions. You're like three albums. And O'Brien goes, Brooks is one or two bad decisions. You're like three albums. Yeah, he's like, no, you're not gonna- You're a lifetime away. Brooks is pretty close to this, yeah.

And that's like, O'Brien was just laughing. He's like, no, you guys are not close. But I like how even somebody at the top of his game still thinks he's like, they could take me down. That guy ruled, man. Yeah, he was cool. He threw an after-after party at Dave & Buster's and two chicks got into a fight.

That was probably the wildest shit I've ever seen in my life. I don i probably left i was probably you probably left yeah well also i was there was an after party there's an after after party everyone knows this snl stuff but um at the after party i was already lit up and it's like people are having kind of like dinner at tables with like agents the after party of snl i've never been to a thing less cool Yeah it's the most uncomfortable thing in the world Cause it's not a party You go It's 1.30 in the morning

You know what it feels like? It feels like Going to a relative's house And you have to say hi to a lot of people Yeah and like Lauren sits in one spot And then Based on who you are

In the show You You have to sit further away from them Right And I'm like And I'm like Oh I was I was Like if there was that Also We would make fun of it Also the SNL after parties you have to sit further away from them right well and i'm like and i'm like oh i wasn't i was like

if there was that also we would make fun of it also the snl after parties are at like fucking mccormick and schmitz right they're not cool it's not fun tgi friday yeah it literally it's not it's like upper end like you know chain restaurants um and then there are they're really cool ones there's neat there's neat things but like then that one's weird and lame and everyone has to have dinner. And also everyone wants to talk. In my head, I'm like, I just fucking bombed. There's a lot of anxiety still flowing through the air. Yeah.

And then at the after after parties where the cast and crew gets to go and bitch. Right. Because it's literally like an after work party for everyone who works there. But for everyone else, they're like, what a cool party. And then you're trying to talk. I'm like, dude, I'm just, do you know how much this job sucks? You're deep in your head. Yeah, so in my head.

Well, meanwhile, at that after party dinner, it was so uncomfortable sitting at a table of agents. And I was like, I was like, I'm going to go say hi to Lauren. And people like, really? But I was drunk. And what do I, I don't care. I'm not on that show. I wasn't, it was already past my, you know what I mean?

Like I was gone. Oh, so I walked, I beelined up to him. And I was like, this is after I'm gone. Yes. So on that show. I wasn't. It was already past my. You know what I mean? Like I was gone. Oh, so I walk. I be lined up to him. And I was like, this is after I'm gone. Yes. So you'd already. OK, yeah. Yeah.

And I went right up to him and I was like, hey, man, what's up? And everybody was like, he doesn't mind it. No, he was cool. But everyone around was like, what are you doing? Like, no, he was cool. He didn't give a shit. I was like, what's that? He was like, hey, hello.

I was like, I got to see. I think people around didn't expect me to like interrupt shit. I was like, what's that? He was like, hey, hello. I was like, I got to see. I think people around didn't expect me to like interrupt there. I was like, I just want to fucking say hi. He's still a human. I was like, what? What I will say about Lauren and why I think why I got hired is because I didn't treat him any different when I was a writer because I got hired to write on the show. Right.

And I wrote there for three, only three weeks. And I never wanted to be a writer on the show. So I was just comfortable. Only three weeks. And I never wanted to be a writer on the show. So I was just comfortable. And Lauren was, we had a bunch of meetings with him and, you know, dinner and talked to him in his office. And like, I'd be like, L-Dog.

You know, and I just wasn't scared of him. L-Dog. Yeah, I called him L-Dog. Yeah, I'd go L-Dog. Just to watch him go. No, he would just be like, he'd like nod his head and walk down the hallway. But it would be funny if he engaged. But that's how I treated it when I was a writer.

Because I was like, I'm one year and out. I don't want to write on this show. And then he saw that as confidence, put me in the show. And after that, I was like, you and me suck your dick. Like, I lost all confidence around him. And I just became a puss. Yeah, but that happens. That's hard.

Yeah. The pressure's hard. They just like took, yeah, I was just like, what do I need to do to be in the show? Because like writing for the show, I enjoyed. Yeah. Because if your sketch doesn't get on, whatever. But like if you're because at the table read, if you wrote the sketch and it bombs, you're not the one delivering it.

But if you're on the show and you wrote the sketch and it bombs, you wrote it and you're delivering it. It fucking sucks. How many times did that happen? Oh, like 60. I wrote like 70. I wrote, I think like 70 sketches and like 10 got on so 60 times it was bombs that's a pretty hard hit huh yeah yeah it's actually not and it's not even that bad for like getting no it just it just hurts getting like 10 on for your first year is like good that's really good who did you write

with the most uh tim uh robinson and zack cannon yeah and then michael che me and che would write every week something we wrote so me and che wrote like 21 sketches one of them got on but it was which one got on it was one it was about an old bit you might have seen me do it was called it was an old bottom line me and che were writing this terrible idea called uh billionaires and Helicopters Eating Caviar, where Jerry Seinfeld was the host and he flew helicopters. And one of the producers came in and they check in like, what are you guys writing on?

And we're like, billionaires and helicopters eating caviar. And you could just see him be like, you guys are fucking up. This is not going to work. And then I was like, I got a different idea. And it was this old bit I used to do when that movie 42 came out. The Jackie Robinson. Jackie Robinson, where I would go on stage and I would be like, I didn't have enough time. I got an audition tomorrow.

I know this is a stand-up show, but it's big and I just want to workshop my audition. It's for the new Jackie Robinson film. And I would just start screaming, it's not right. It's not right it's not right not my league yeah and I so I that was the video

I did it to him to the producer and he was like that's great so then we just shoehorned it into 12 years of slave auditions where people didn't want to

say the words on the page right that's fucking funny yeah it was the only one that me and Che got on but it was fun yeah well Che's fucking he's Yeah, it was the only one that me and Che got on. But it was fun. Yeah.

Well, Che's fucking... He's the best. He doesn't give a shit. He's great, dude. He gets me every time. Every time I watch his shit, he really does. I think he does this thing that I really enjoy

about comedy today. What's happening is like, he does a good job of picking, in a politically centered show, especially now in the past fucking three or four years, he does a good job of picking in a politically centered show especially now in the past fucking three or four years he does a good job

at picking at both sides which I think is very fun to watch it's funny to watch him shit on Democrats and Republicans he just likes burning it down man yeah I like

but that's funny what's funny to me is like being able to shit on everybody because shitting on the thing that everyone's already shitting on is like okay

it's almost too easy. I can't speak for him because we haven't hung out like a lot in the last like three or four years but it used to be every day, you know? Right.

But he would look at something from like, hey, what's the politically correct side? And I'm not going to be politically incorrect but I'm going to be like, let's look at the other side too.

Totally. But that's what comedy's supposed to be. Not in like a, hey, you guys are being sensitive way but like, he was just fun, like. That's what comedy is that's in its core comedy is going oh is this the thing that's happening let me just see the other angle of it whatever it is i really had this sketch he

wanted to make work so bad about who's the first guy to come up with that really screwed the pooch yeah because he was like oh boy i really screwed the pooch on that one someone's like wait what he's like yeah you know i messed up you know, you had sex with a dog. No, we don't. No, that's a great bit. We wrote, we had, so this is like my relationship with Che is like, because we were stand-ups together. We got hired together.

When you meet another stand-up, you just immediately like, hey, we should hang out. Yeah, when you meet other stand-ups, you're like, we're best friends. Well, yeah. Right away, no matter who they are. In a non-stand-up world. Right. So we got this,

we had to do an NBC sexual harassment training. It was like, you know, long and boring. By the way, all these shows do this. For people that don't know, every time you get hired on a show, you gotta sit in a room and listen to some poor person delve out this sad legal rhetoric

about what you can and cannot do. And of course, there's always like a union guy or like a grip or a lighting guy that's like gay there's always someone that's like

shits on it so we get this serious thing and then me and Che immediately go in the other room and wrote the first ever sexual harassment training seminar where it was

basically it was Lady Gaga and she was just like guys no more spankings and we're like what if it's Lady Gaga and she was just like guys no more spankings and we're like what if it's her birthday and she's like I know it makes sense but then

like you know Jay would raise her hand and she goes yes the black you know it was still super offensive but like but funny

yeah well yeah it was just like like you know just sexual harassment seminar in 1948 where they're still racist as hell.

Yeah, they let it all out. Yeah, and it did all right at the table. I don't know. We've been talking about SNL way too much. It's been a lot. Looking at it this way, it's really fun. Yeah, this is more fun. Drinking and talking about it.

That's how we look at all of our history, right? A hundred percent. It's this stuff that does it. By the way, I don't have a plug. I don't have a whiskey plug. A bunch of people have said that we should get one. We're working on one. This is specifically for Brooks.

This is Kirkland Makes Whiskey. This is from Costco. This is Costco. Yeah, this is Costco. What is this, Black Velvet? By the way, this ranks as good as medium shelf whiskey. It tested well again. Yeah, it's funny because Kirkland makes really good stuff.

This is like six-year-age Canadian whiskey. It's O-Cast age. I think there's this weird thing about Kirkland vodka. I don't know if you know about that, but they tested it against other vodka, and it was comparable to Grey Goose. And it's funny because Costco obviously sells everything for cheap, and someone goes, it doesn't look fancy but this is a big bottle

it'll do the job but this is actually good whiskey don't you like it? it's actually pretty fucking good I'm having fun when I sip it you know yeah well you're not

gonna chug it but I usually just like slam no no see you gotta this isn't particularly a sipping whiskey but I wanted to bring it out

for you because the bottle is big and you're a big boy thank you so much who's my big boy? who's my big boy? Brooksy is Brooksy is Brooksy is a big, but I wanted to bring it out for you because the bottle is big and you're a big boy. Thank you so much. Who's my big boy? Who's my big boy? Brooksy is a big boy. Brooksy is. Brooksy is a big boy.

So, I want to move, let's shift away from the SNL shit. Of course. It was just like, but it was a moment. It was exciting. I remember

you were one of my first friends in Los Angeles. You got punked. Yeah. You know what I would watch? I got MTV's punk. No, but you know what you did before that that I thought was so cool and I watched every

day? It was your MSN daily updates. That was my first job. Yeah, I know. You got to quit. That's how I got to quit work. Yeah. Think about it like this.

I got to quit my job for an MSN show. You got to quit your job for SNL. Sure. Either. But yeah, but I mean, I was getting fired. Like it wasn't. Yeah, it was. It was happening.

Yeah. Yeah. So, but I would like watch your MSN thing every day and text you. I was like, I saw you on the, it's the homepage. It's the homepage. I did a job. I did a job for MSN called the surf report. And it was like a daily, this, that was the funniest part.

People complain that there wasn't actually a surf report involved. Like people would watch. It'd be like, where's the actual report about the surf i don't go to huntingtonbeach.com dude people will get mad and write yahoo or msn be like where the fuck is it but i want to know about the waves but we did the show we did this show every day and it was so it was my first hosting job and it was so dumb and simple and it was hosted on their home page and it was the it was the thing that literally got me to quit my job like I was so excited quit jobs yeah like I like you like I like her are like core group of buds that yeah came up with like Robbie Pickard and Tom grab right Brent Warren

like no else who's popped off more than ever who did this show who for he man why the hema he started with us and i remember this is a mean story but i don't care i think i told it when he was on the show he filled in for me when i was doing the queen mary uh and the booker the next week was like who was that guy that filled in for you i was like my buddy fahim is fucking hilarious we were all just starting out we were all you know garbage and he goes he uh and i go right it's good and he goes no he can uh, and I go, right. It's good. And he goes, no, he can't, he can't come back. He was like, he can't. He goes, he can't fill in for you anymore.

Wait, why? No. And of course I know why none of us were that good. And, and it was a bad environment for comedy anyway. So like we all handled different versions of shitty rooms, different ways. And I think that was just a bad fucking room. Oh man. Yeah.

I would handle, I would go, I'm gonna bomb on my terms and do weird stuff. Yeah. I wouldn't do real jokes. You did riskier shit back then. Yeah, I used to duct tape the mic to my head because they said I wanted a, I would go up furious and say I demanded a headset mic like NSYNC

because I used my hands. So good. And then I would duct tape it. Would you do that today? No. Isn't that so funny? Yeah, I was. But that's funny and it's stupid. I used to wear rollerblades

on stage and say my name was Terry Blades. Terry Blades, baby. Pomona's top prop comedian. Wait, didn't you do that? Didn't you do that on Did you talk about that on your half hour? You talked about. No. You know what I did on the half hour? Because we did the half hour together. We did the half hour together for Comedy Central. And I honestly

you know what? I got to email Comedy Central and be like, can you just get can we put the half hour together for Comedy Central and I honestly you know what I gotta email Comedy Central and be like can you just get can we put this clip out because I don't know if you ever do a half hour

for Comedy Central they shoot it into the fucking space when you're done disappears forever and nobody knows where they are unless you rip it illegally

like I did and put it on YouTube oh I gotta do that I keep doing it and they keep taking it down I gotta do it I got but either way

you and so I was going for a run the night before we did it and you're there again, we've done all these fun things together. And the half hour was really fun. Half hour was super fucking fun. It was so fun. Cause we were, you and I were kind of a little over it. Yeah. You get shit when you're over it. Yeah. A little, when you're a little bit like, all right. You're like, I would rather do an hour. Well, here's why, here's how I knew I was kind of over it when they, they asked for a transcript of the jokes and i brazenly said no yeah i didn't do it either yeah i know you did we talked about i was like because a lot of people like you turn in your transcript for all your

jokes i was like i'm not writing that stuff up no no absolutely i was like you know you saw my jokes you know what i'm gonna do i'm not gonna dictate them that my half hour was me riffing in the b sides from my album yeah it was really good but so the night before i got went out jogging and i saw like a no rollerblading thing and you and me and maybe hampton were like stoned in my room or yours in in your room in my room and i did this bit of a guy who had just gotten furious at you and hampton but i had rollerbladed to the to the fucking into the hotel room so i was screaming for you guys to go fuck yourselves and but then i had to put my rollerbladed it to the fucking into the hotel room so I was screaming for you guys to go fuck yourselves

but then I had to put my rollerblades on so it took like 20 minutes not 20 minutes but like 5 minutes of me being like I can't wait to never

see any one of you guys and then you guys laughed so hard I was like I was like I should do that and then I ended up closing my half hour on it

it was hysterical it was so funny the guy leaving who tried to say fuck you and then put on rollerblades is so funny. I've only done it once and it was the half hour

and it worked so well that I was like, I don't think I should ever do that again. That's kind of one of those, sometimes those are those perfect moments when if you did do it again

you might not even like it. You're like, that was good for that thing. It worked perfect. There were stairs and it was because you, me and Hampton were stoned the night before just kicking it. Baked out of our ass. Well also because we knew we were taping the next it. You're like, that was good for that thing. It worked perfect. There were stairs. It was because you, me, and Hampton were stoned the night before

just kicking it. Baked out of our ass. Well, also because we knew we were taping the next night and I was like, we should, like a lot of comics were like,

I want to get good sleep. I want to be, and I was like, no, we got a fucking party. But it was me, you, and Hampton were the only ones

that like, I don't, I wanted to go do stuff. I think the best thing you can do before you record a big thing, for me, and you, you're very loose on stage too,

is not do standup for a little bit. Uh-uh, yeah, go, want to be excited people that do stand up the night before that they do the thing i don't know how they do we went to the we went to laugh boston and they're like do you want to run your sets i was like maybe and i went with i saw the crowd i go no no way i'm confident and this is gonna make me uncomfortable yes it's gonna fuck me up that's nothing against laugh boston but it was just like a bad room where i was like i don't need this before that no it's just no it's not the room it was like i didn't i just felt uncomfortable going god what if i hate it right now then i'm really gonna fucking hate it yeah what when you did conan uh you i watched you run the conan set and then i went with you and i saw you do conan i watched you you were at conan yeah i was pretty

buzzed up for that one that was great though i was pretty banged up because you can do I remember my manager at the time for the half hour I wasn't drinking I won't drink for 30 minutes to stand up I can't you can't headline drunk no but you can do five minutes of very rehearsed material totally drunk yeah so I rolled like a robot it's another thing i learned from testing at snl is i was like i don't know if they're gonna have beers there and i don't know what they check bags i don't know but i'm gonna be nervous i know they sit you in those rooms for a while yeah rooms for a while so i brought a six-pack and i i was like this is smartest thing i've ever done uh so i did that to conan too only brought like like 18 and you and brett were there and like burns and so

we all tore into it yeah we all ripped that shit up. Of course, we're all like, party! You're like, I have to go on TV. Yeah, I'm like, oh fuck. I was like, I think he's almost done interviewing like Allison Janney.

Yeah, yes. An award-winning actress and then you come out and you're like, hey, I'm drunk. I'm here to tell some jokes. No, it was so fun though. But yeah, that was funny.

You came, it's like, we're the, like I'm excited. What I meant to say earlier is like the group that we started with, I'm so excited for everyone's success. Yeah. It's like we're the like i'm excited what i meant earlier is like i the group that we started with i'm so excited for everyone's success yeah it's like weird to not we're in an industry where we get jealous a lot and it's fun when i'm like oh scrammy got that yeah he's perfect for that it's

when you're younger i think there's a lot more jealousy and then you get older and there's a lot more celebration because it's it's like fun you're happy for people because you know your thing is coming or you're you're already doing it yeah it's way easier you're happy for people because you know your thing is coming or you're you're already doing it yeah it's way easier to look i think i don't know who was talking about it it's also easier once it's you're you're done a few things and you don't get to be as jealous yeah i mean look fucking uh mark norman and i were talking about it and he was like new la has cultivated this new culture where just in the last couple years we're like people are really kind of like rising each other up a little bit and the podcast thing helps

and these big shows where all these comics are together. I'm never going to congratulate anyone on Twitter though. I'm going to tell you to your face. No, yeah. I'm going to talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to be like, this guy's a, check out Santino.

He's a, his new podcast is amazing. He's a genius. I'll text you. Hey, great job. Yeah. No, yeah. No. I'm not going to publicly not gonna publicly Twitter's pretty unjust

the only thing I like Twitter for now is like a great funny video Twitter's so sad now that I get on it I'm like oh just give me like something hilarious

I typed in dogs today didn't disappoint it was great it's the best I just don't wanna see sad shit anymore on Twitter what did I see today that made me laugh

so fucking hard oh these three guys you know the blob you know the blob the thing that you put in a lake and two people jump on one side and one guy gets shot?

I'm so excited already. Yeah, the blob. If people don't know, you should search. It's called the blob. It's this big air-inflated mechanism you put in a lake. And it has... It's probably like 80% full of air. Yeah.

One guy goes, sits on the end. One guy goes, sits on the end. Two people jump simultaneously. Or a big old fatso. If you got a big old fatso. And he just jumps. He belly-flops on it. And he usually shoots like an eight-year-old about 300 feet when kids go on it it's the funniest shit i've ever dude it's comical it actually looks like it could definitely break

bones you know when they're like at a certain height water is concrete yeah they this this these three friends and one of them is a is a a little grown man, little person, and he's smiling. He's like, going to go to the end. He goes out right to the tip, and these two dudes are like, you good, dude? And he's like, I'm good. And he's holding like a GoPro fucking camera arm. So we can get a couple angles.

Yeah, we can get close up. We can see his eyes pop out. These two dudes jump, and I guess the thing they were talking about, simultaneous inflation obviously is going to create more lift you know science these two dudes hit at the exact same time because they're holding arms and this fucking dude gets i mean it rockets so hard so fast then then they then in the video edit cut him like shooting to space like swimming beating michael phelps like all of this fast shit but when they do the real time with the gopro you've never seen such hilarious panic and fun like he's having he's

going like he's loving it but he's flailing as hard as he can he doesn't know when's he gonna stop going up it's never gonna it's never gonna end that sounds but i watched that probably 20 times today because it made me laugh so fucking hard yeah i mean the internet is great that's why the internet's great but then it gets into this negative shit and I'm like, I don't know if I can... Although I did see a funny clip. Tiffany Haddish was at like the Met Gala,

the Met... The Gala and... Met Gala? Am I saying it right? Yeah, it's... At the Met Gala, right? It's what... It's why I totally understand

why America hates Hollywood. It's also why I understand that everybody hates America. I think the whole world. Yeah, so it's like, why America hates Hollywood. It's also why I understand that everybody hates America. I think the whole world. So it's like, why America hates this part of America and what the rest of the world thinks America is. It is, exactly. Women who wear nine hats on top of each other.

Jared Leto holding his fucking face. But Tiffany Haddish was like, saw, I don't know who she saw, but she was like, you know, her quote is, she ready. That's her thing. And she goes, oh, look at you. She ready. And the reporter was like this white nerdy chick from like E or some shit.

And she goes, she's ready. She is ready. Oh, that's great. Dude, I was in bed dying. Tiffany Addish is fucking great. She's phenomenal. She came up to me one time and she goes, you know how I know you're doing better? I go, what? She goes, you got tighter pants now.

She was like, you got those tight pants. And I was like, that is you know what? I am doing better. That means a lot. And even if you weren't, you still feel better. It felt great. Yeah, I mean she's like shit on Mike Burns. She's like, and what are you doing? And I was like, yeah, shit on Burns. Hurt him. Hurt him bad.

He hurts me. He hurts me. That's why I want to fucking continue this. That love you know that that's love when you hurt people that's how you know you really like them i'm trying to think like the funniest thing i couldn't stop watching i don't know there was something the other day that i showed like a hundred oh it's literally like the easiest funniest joke ever it's uh listeners literally type in um who's the lead singer of smashing pumpkins i'm gonna sound like an idiot right now uh oh my god you're making with billy corbin yes billy corgan uh it's billy corgan riding a roller coaster and it's just the intro to um the 1979 79 yeah yeah and it just when it starts to go over the hill, he goes, wee.

And I was like, this is so perfectly stupid. I watched it so many times. I send it to people I haven't talked to in years. Some of those things are so exactly what you need to start the day. Yeah. What's your routine, by the way? Do you have a routine now? Oh, man, no.

I'm trying to get a better one. I got fat. Did you get that did you get to where your metabolism stopped i got i got sad you're sad fat i got like real nervous and sad fat you're in way better shape than i than you used to be oh i used to be in i should be a terrible schlub so and i i was always you've always been the same size guy but then i got i went on the road for like five weeks in a row of, you know, like the improvs, which are, you're just like in a, you're on a strip mall, 30 miles out of Raleigh.

You're on top of a highway. Yes. You live on a highway. So I was like drinking beers and eating Buffalo Wild Wings. And I came back from that like fat. So now I've tried to get into run, running in the morning and running at night. You do, wait, twice a day? Six miles.

I try. That's my new thing, run six miles every day. So three in the morning and three at night? But before that, it was just wake up and be sad. But now I'm in a relationship that I like a lot, and I live with my girlfriend. It's easier when you're with someone who helps. Is she supportive of comedy's hours, or no? Does she get annoyed? What do you mean? The hours that we do? The hours of comedy's hours or no? Does she get annoyed?

What do you mean? The hours that we do? The hours of comedy. Because we keep the worst fucking hours. I barely go out. You do the store. You perform a lot in Los Angeles. I don't.

When I'm here, I'm rarely up. But when you do, it's bad hours. I'm home before. You know, it's worse hours. What I probably do is go drink at my bud's place till 2. That's bad hours. Yeah, it's bad hours.'m home before You know it's worse hours What I probably do Is go drink at my Bud's place till 2 That's bad hours

Yeah it's bad hours That's way worse hours But she's fine I don't know But that's what I do too Like drinking with your buds Is what the comedy story is Like go do work

And drink with your buds Yeah But she's cool with it all She's not a comic She's not a comic at all She's a human Yes And I met her

She's just a cool waitress At the Rustic And not there anymore. It's a terrible bar. Barbara Streisand is his girlfriend. Yeah. But either way, I just don't leave the east side very much. I'm very east side centric.

Yeah, you stick to your pocket. Yeah, I skateboard around Los Feliz. And you're over here. You're in the Hollywoods. Not anymore, dude. I'm not going to tell anybody where the fuck I am. Those creepy motherfuckers. Yeah, I moved.

I moved. I did move. I know you moved. Yeah, I'm gone, but I'm nowhere near here. I know where you I am Creepy motherfuckers I moved I did move I know you moved I know where you are now I understand that Sure I don't care They're coming to find you skateboarding He's going to be you Hey what's up

Do you think you're John Lennon famous That's your I think Here's how famous I am I am I thought about this the other day I'm at a weird level of Not famous but like

Famous is not the right word I'm noticeable Where somebody goes Oh hey I'm less famous than I used to be No No there was a moment You just might not get recognized as much

Also in New York On SNL You're pretty recognizable Cause that's like Yeah they see you They all know you It's like their show But New York also doesn't give a fuck about you

In New York people You're on the subway In New York If you're on SNL People are like Who's Yo Who's the guest What's up this week Like people SNL people are like who's yo who's the guess?

What's up this week like people in New York City feels like that's their show cuz it is it's a yeah and It outlasted everyone and so they're very very friendly to you when you're doing that show and then out here I'm like the like 3000 most famous person they said there's too many people here That's why like at any point I can go get something to eat like I did yesterday and see the guy from that 70s show who played Fez. What's his name? Oh, Wilder Valderrama.

Wilder Valderrama. You should know, you're MTV bros. We are MTV buds. And I did try to tweet him through our private MTV app, but he didn't, for some reason, he didn't hit me back. Okay, what, let's do this. Most famous person you saw in the wild that was a little shocking.

Like not at a party. Oh, in the wild? In the wild. The most famous person I saw in the wild recently. You were just like, that's cool. Was... This is very small. Mine was...

I saw Nick Van Exel at a Lakers game and I loved him. But that's a Lakers game. No, but he doesn't play. He hasn't played in years. He's a basketball player. I just thought it was cool. I was like, whoa, what are you doing fucking, you're watching the game with us? Like with humans?

That's fun. Because when I see famous, famous people, I just, I don't know. A lot of times I'm annoyed that they're there because I know it's going to be harder to get whatever I went there to get. Right. You know what I mean? I'm like, oh, this will fuck know it's going to be harder to get whatever I went there to get. Right. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, oh, this will fuck up the line. No, I guess I saw. Who did you see?

Well, the guy that I saw was, I can't, of course, who's the main guy in Goodfellas? He's the Chantix commercial dude now. Are you serious? Yeah, Ray Liotta. So I saw Ray Liotta at this like. Hold on real quick. What?

I quit smoking with Chantix Yeah You know one of my biggest beefs Was never quitting smoking Now that I can quit Thank you for the script I feel so much better now I make fun of that commercial

Have you seen It makes me laugh so hard Have you seen Kyle Dunnigan's With Chantix Spoof of it No Did Dunnigan do something on it? Dude

Look Listeners look this up Dunnigan's spoof of it? No. Did Dunnigan do something on it? Dude. Look. Listeners, look this up. Dunnigan does the funniest thing. I mean, all the shit that Kyle does is fucking awesome. But this is next level. He goes, I tried everything to quit smoking. Cocaine, everything. Yeah.

Where did you see Ray Liotta? Okay. I saw him at this shop on Houston in New York, and I was just like, oh, man. I just go, hey, I think you're great. And he's like, okay. And then he bought a jacket, and then I was like, well, I better get that jacket, too. You bought the same jacket? I was like, me and Ray Liotta are jacket buddies.

Because if anybody's like, that jacket sucks, you're like, fucking Ray Liotta bought this fucking jacket. Well, you know the first time you get money that you didn't have, which I've blown. It's all gone? Oh, yeah. Okay, good. But it would be like, how much is that? Like, okay, like $800? I'm never going to stop making money.

I'm rich now. I don't know if you're familiar with first week on television, guys, but it usually works out pretty good. I'm going to buy two of these jackets, actually. Yeah. That's funny.

I have a Ray Liotta story. I can't reveal who told me this story because I don't want to blow his spot up. But a friend said he was on a plane with Ray Liotta and they were headed to New York for this thing. And he turns and Ray's pounding him back. Yeah. Why wouldn't you yeah

go on and then let's talk about airplane he goes he goes he goes he goes hey I just want to say

I'm a huge fan I'm also in the business yada yada yada Ray Liotta's like oh okay great and then like you know he's being polite he leaves him alone

yeah and then Ray keeps pounding and then like halfway through the flight Ray chirps it up now Ray's like I get it he's like

hey what movie do you like me in i swear to god that's fucking awesome my buddy my buddy tells me he's like oh i i like you know i like goodfellas yeah and you know he's like oh yeah and he's like why i mean there's other films he names other films he goes no no i like goodfellas too i like goodfellas too and he goes you want to hear a secret? Yes. This is so good. And he goes, yeah. And he goes, you know that scene when I gun butt that guy? If you haven't seen Goodfellas, fuck you, first of all. Second of all, there's a scene where Ray Liotta goes over because this guy grabs Karen's ass and he gun butts this fucking guy. He smashes him in the face.

Yeah, with a gun butt. Goodfellas is one of five movies that if it's on TV, I'm going to finish it. Always. It doesn't matter where it's at. Always. Dude, always. I'll turn it on and go Shawshank, Forrest Gump, Goodfellas

Casino for me Casino I have to finish it I'm like I gotta watch this again this is great he goes that guy that I gun butted and my buddy was like oh yeah and he goes yeah I fucking hated that guy and he goes

oh really and he goes, oh, really? And he goes, yeah. Yeah, he came to set and he was asking too many fucking questions. And I was like, dude, I wish I could really do it for real. I wanted a fucking gun, but that fucking asshole for real.

And my buddy was like, oh shit, yeah, really? And he goes, yeah. And you know what? I saw him years later, like years and years after the film was out and all the success and all that stuff. And he came up to me like a friend, you know, like, hey hey he wanted to hug me and i wanted to hit him again with a gun and he was like he's lucky i didn't have another fucking gun i would have gun butted him again

and my buddy's like oh yeah okay cool and he goes yeah yeah like real reflective and deep oh man that's that's i mean that shows the mind of where Ray Liotta was going also going to New York to promote a film that he was like

I don't want to delve too much but he was like he's like what are you going for my buddy explains he's like what are you going for

he's like some bullshit can I get another one yeah like over it he's at the point when you can tell he's so over it

that's why Chantix was like, do you want to do a non-smoking commercial? I don't care. I don't care. Fuck it. Okay. So when you're on a plane. Do you want another little slipper?

Of course. Okay. Keep talking. So when you're on a plane and then I'll give you mine. I try to be respectful of the, you know, flight attendants. So when they roll by, I go, if I'm LA to New York, I go,

can I get just like three IPAs? And sometimes they're like, yeah, of course, this is a five hour flight. And sometimes they're like, how about if I gave you one and if you want another, we'll bring you another.

I'm like, hey, guess what? I'm gonna want another. I just told you I'm gonna want another one. This is a five hour flight. I'm trying to save us both some time. Yeah, it's gonna happen. Like, what do you want?

Yeah, just give them to me. How do you do it? What is your go-to? Well, you know, I don't drink beer as much as I used to anymore. I try to quit beer too, because in my brain, there's no calories in liquor. Well, yeah, there's way more. No, but in my brain. Oh, sure, in your head.

Yeah, in my head. So what I do with this, I sweeten up to the flight attendants. Oh, you gotta come in. Sweet, sweet, sure, in your head. Yeah, in my head. So what I do with this, I sweeten up to the flight attendants. Oh, you got to come in. Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet. And then I go, yeah, can I get a, can you make it double? And they go, yeah, yeah.

They make a double and I go, will you leave me an extra bottle? Yeah. You know. So sweet. Yeah, and they go, yeah, I mean, we're not supposed to.

So I go, you know what, it's okay, it's okay. And I do that thing. And then usually, by the time I, if I get my second drink, they'll just go, yeah, I gave you to I go you know what it's okay it's okay and I do that thing and then usually by the time if I get my second drink they'll just go yeah I gave you

I got you sometimes I go back to the bathroom or whatever and I just small talk the shit out of them and I'll small talk them

and we're having a good time and then they go where are you sitting and I'm like oh you know whatever and then she's like do you want something

and I was like no I don't I'll grab can I grab it. Can I grab it here? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. I've actually had them go.

Yeah, go ahead. And I've grabbed myself a few of the drinks. Yeah. You just have to be nice. They don't give a fuck. They're so used to being mean. People are mean. Mean to them.

Right. Every time, every time that I fly and I'm looking to like get in good with them, you can tell right away if they're going to be in the mood for it or if they're fucking like it's been the worst four day flight path of my life you're not going to change I got cut off by how I looked they didn't even let me order one like drunk

white guy no I wasn't even drunk it was just like a 5 a.m. flight from fucking I don't know like Charlottesville to LA right after the rally well yeah i mean history is important did you put your tiki torches in the overhead bins or where do you guys fit those we got them there um we shipped them good god fedex handled that for us so um no i was just like it's like four or five in the morning i was like can i like it beer will i call it like uh

i have valium like i have like a will I call it like I have Valium like I have like a couple of them do you take that before you fly so I'll pop a Valium and then slam two beers I call it my time travel juice yeah and I just wake up where I'm going

yeah and so I got we're in LA you're like we are yeah I was like dope so we I was just like can I have two beers

and the woman goes I think you're okay and I was sober I was like oh man I look bad. That's how you know you look like shit when they're like, you've had enough. Yeah, but the plane hasn't even taken off yet.

But you've done it all. I just took a flight. I took a flight and it was a 6 a.m. departure. Which you're like, why am I going to bed? The 6 a.m. departure will ruin two days of your life before it. I just don't go to bed. Yeah, because you're like, am I going to bed The 6am departure Will ruin Two days of your life Before it I just don't go to bed

Yeah cause you're like My life's a nightmare I stay up I don't give a fuck I just stay up But I do stay up And I have one drink Cause I will fall asleep

The whole time Then it'll knock me Right back out The anxiety of doing The plane thing Will get me up But then if I have one drink I'm like

I'm gone But This 6am fucking flight I couldn't go to sleep Cause the guy next to me Was a meth head I mean like fidgety jittery

like jumpy all this stuff and I could see stunk like fucking booze and he was ordering booze the entire flight and they kept giving it to him because he was holding it together

when they would come by if you have a good mask face if you have the good like you pull it together yeah they'll keep doing it because I mean I don't think there's a limit for them I don't think so right

there's a limit how many they can give you at once. Sometimes they'll be like, are you driving? And then I'm like, no. Like, I haven't driven to LAX. To LAX? Yeah. Absolutely. No.

You're like, no. That's not a snobby thing, listeners who don't live in Los Angeles. It's just like $1,000 to park your car there. No, it's actually the opposite of snobby. To park at LAX is more of a fucking expensive nightmare than being like,

I'll take an Uber. Yeah. Like I'll take a fucking Uber and get there and not have to worry about it. Back in the day in LA when I used to fly at a fucking LAX,

there was a thing called Super Shuttle. Oh yeah. Did you ever do that? No, I would take the $98 taxi. Oh dude, I would do a Super Shuttle

which is you have to pick up every other person in town. I think Arrested Development did a great episode about it but it was like yeah yeah i think it was i think you were interested development i did the newest one yeah i remember being excited when you came on that was that it was a huge moment in my life and then because it was when i was still living in that drug drug house in the hills you were in the party den yeah with bud and with the power violence it's called the power violence mansion it was it was like a full-on if house. If people don't know, check out Power Violence.

Those guys are fucking, those guys are party central. Well, they don't party, but they hang out with guys who do. Yeah, they like to be around a party. Yeah. What's the best way to say that? They like to basically- They're like a band, and they're not a band. It was a mansion in the hills that was basically where the Foot Clan hang out.

It was skateboarding on the walls yeah yeah and just air mattresses everywhere the ninja turtles would have been so proud yeah the ninja turtles would have been like i like to sewer a little more these guys these guys are kind of cool i'm sorry i cut you off no no no no you didn't okay i thought you were talking about flying no no no i was saying i was saying fucking uh i was saying that i don't remember okay well i understand and I'm sober and I don't remember yeah totally sober wait a minute what are you doing? what are you doing?

I don't know getting cute getting fucking cute getting cute getting flirty yo are you so so you're going

oh this is I should have brought this up way earlier I had a bunch of people submit to half hour half hour comedy central that I could steal their stuff I had a bunch of people submit to Half Hour Comedy Central that I could steal their stuff. I had a bunch of people submit songs and I got all your shit.

We're actually going to play a song at the beginning of this that I've gone too far now. But we had a bunch of people submit songs to this shit and next week is the guest where we're playing them. So don't worry. It's coming. People were fucking annoyed about it because I had people submit songs over the intro. You and I like the same music. True. You introduced me to Deer Tick.

Yes, I love. Love Deer Tick. My range is ridiculous, though. I understand, but- I like hip hop just as much as I like really deep, melodic, dark rock. Yeah, but you love National. I remember for your birthday birthday I got you the National High Violet

on vinyl but you had vinyl before me and that was like early I still got it I love there's something weird

about a good band on vinyl that makes you feel different than it's great some bands it doesn't matter if you play them

through your phone on fucking your sound thing some bands are so much better on a record. Got to flip it. It's just the sound is so much. There's something beautiful about that sound. Especially if the band feels like that kind of a band.

Yeah. I put out my album. My comedy album is on vinyl. Yeah. It's gone now. I sold them all, which was cool. Wait, but you have not. You've got to have one left.

I've got one left. One for you I framed for myself It says nice try To Brooks from Brooks Did you send one To your mom and dad I'm sure they have one

You gotta send one to them I'm sure they have one That's always one thing I do I try to get them One of the things Cause in case it'll all go away Like I lose it In a move

Or it gets lost They gotta have one of the things But it was I was That's the coolest thing i ever had as a press vinyl that was that was a picture of you in the woods right yeah so for it what's the name of the album it's called this is cool this is cool right question mark yeah uh which i don't know but um go listen to it on spotify it's really good buy the album no don't

that doesn't exist do not buy it who is it who is it comedy center records no they didn't want to do it with me and so i went with with Comedy Dynamics, this guy Jack Vaughn, who produced Mitch All Together. And I was like, that's all that matters to me. But for the cover, they're like, all right, we want you to be in the cover. Because I was like, I didn't want to be in the cover because I like photography. And I wanted it to be my own photo in the cover. And they're like, no, you got to be in it. And I was like, okay.

But I want to. So to get around it, I'm like way far in the background. Yeah, you are. It looks like a bunch of trees. It just looks like trees. It looks like it's in the middle of the woods. You're wearing a red and black flannel. Yeah, it's in Prospect Park in Brooklyn.

Oh, that's really? Yeah. For some reason, I thought it was just, I thought it was like. No, it's Prospect Park. Upstate or something like that. But yeah. And then on the back, I took the photo of that. But it's just like,

do you, how do you sell? Do you sell anything on the road? I sell a poster that I have made by this incredible artist named Jenna Sunday who makes these great things for me. And a few other artists. For like that show? Yeah, for that city.

That's so cool. I sell a poster for that city. That's very neat and cool. And whiskey ginger pins are like things I fucking have there for people. That's really, that's sincere. Because I can't poster for that city that's very neat and cool and whiskey ginger pins are like things I fucking that's really that's sincere

because I can't do shirts it's not my thing no no I can't like I only sold my vinyl when I did that's cool I sold the vinyl until it was gone

I felt good about it I didn't feel like I was ripping anybody off and then when I would do those I tried to get out of comedy clubs for a while it didn't work

but I did like a 56 city tour. Did you rock venues, right? Yeah. And I made special posters for those. And it feels cool selling a poster for a tour. Yeah, I like having it for that city. This is for you guys and it'll never be made again.

Yes, 2,000%. And you know who likes it? This is crazy. Every city I've done this in, the staff. i leave the city the staff goes would you could i do you mind if i have a poster and i'm like oh yeah sure and they're like oh i'll pay you for it i was like no no you guys are great i'll give you the poster but it's so funny that every staff has been like that's really cool can i can i get one it's so yeah because it's personalized and i think they feel like yeah and you're promoting their city and yeah it's you at their city and they feel like oh this is cool it's a little moment in time instead of being like

you know a shirt with the phrase you've said a hundred times yeah like japan is the bomb i remember a guy had with the atomic bomb on it also not even that's just like he bought that like at washington square park yeah he'll take a thousand of those no yeah i think uh i think you have to a little personalization is nice speaking of which um you want to plug some dates where are you going what's going on yeah let people come see you live well i only have one show coming up that matters new york city may 30th at littlefield littlefield may 30th new york city yeah see brooks wheel and you can get tickets at uh it'll be on brooks wheeling.com brookswheeling.com

and it's yeah I'm doing the tight like hands down the tightest hour I've ever done for networks to do my first hour

special okay dope at Littlefield in New York at Littlefield New York which is where which is this really amazing it's where

Night Train used to be it's where wow what's it Hot Tub with Kurt and Kristen used to be so yeah it's great it's like 300 seat place it'll sell out it's where what's it Hot Tub with Kurt and Kristen it's great it's like 300 seat place it'll sell out

it's a good number yeah it's a great number it's a great number man for guys like you and me yeah it's a great number I can sell 300 tickets in New York

but it's nice because I think a lot of like look I've gotten to do a lot of big theaters small theaters I've gotten to do big comedy club rooms

small comedy club rooms I just did Arena with Rogan for the first time in my life and like of all those things there's something about a sub 400 it's not about the tickets

for me as much as about like the intimacy of the shows is so much more fun 300 people who are who it's like when you see a band

before they blow up yeah not that I'm saying I'm gonna blow up but like you're not thank you very much but you know what i mean like when you're like at like an early band show that you're like you like this band too

yeah and i don't know you but like we have a common community so it's like like you like what i like and it's this kind of fringe alt thing it it it's it's a perfect combination of people that really care and the people that want to be there right it's so fun yeah it's a beautiful it by the way speaking of the national i saw them at hotel cafe with like fucking 30 people that's how did they play their new record no this was before i'm saying before the before they were famous oh okay okay before they were famous meanwhile cut to a year later i saw them open up for rem at the hollywood bowl my wife loathes rem hates rem so much which is awesome a lot of people like why and she's like i don't like him i'm like I love that she hates him

I get it yeah I just love that she hates him she doesn't give she's like fucking I just hate him we spent all this money on tickets to watch

National open up for REM at the Hollywood Bowl and the moment REM came on when it got dark because you're open at the Hollywood Bowl plays and the light is up it sucks

it's shitty the sound is whack they do that shit on purpose the moment REM got on, she was like, let's go. And we did. We went bowling.

We got fucked up and went bowling. That's up. And then, of course, the next year, the national headlines, the Hollywood Bowl, and then fucking the rest of the system.

They did SNL when I was there. I will arguably say. Oh, I know. Trust me, I was beyond jealous. Yeah. The first time I got like really a little,

like, I don't like this, was when Sandler hosted SNL last week. I was like, that would have been cool. Yeah. Yeah, that would have been cool to be there.

National was the best live band I saw. And I saw a lot of cool bands. Arcade Fire. Awesome. Kings of Leon. Awesome. Black Keys. Amazing.

One Direction was cool. They're awesome. I'm being sincere. Hey man, they're talented. They were awesome. Yeah, it's like-

We're at an age where I don't care if I admit the truth of someone's talent anymore. I got it all. The only bands I didn't go down to see, like didn't go from the 9th floor to the 8th floor was Katy Perry and Imagine Dragons. I was like, I can give a shit. I feel like you get them. You just know

what they are already. I'm just like also like... I don't think their live performance is going to do the thing that you'd want them to do. Yeah, and I was like, I always felt like I was taking... I'm just like also like. I don't think their live performance is going to do the thing that you'd want them to do. Yeah, and I was like, I always felt like I was taking. I'm waking up. They're taking him. Yeah, I was like, they're taking a spot

from my morning jacket. I remember I told Laura and Michael, I was like, we should have my morning jacket on. And he's like 80. And he was like, maybe in 2007. I was like,

you snarky jerk. Sick burn though. Yeah, but I disagree. I love him. I know, but it's funny that he even knows how to referentially burn them. Yeah, but you're being mean. Like, dude.

Oh, I'm sorry. Miley's here. He's like, that's right. She's here. Yeah. Because she's popular. Yeah, I know. Either way.

You got to go with what's fucking new and popular. Either way, New York City's ass better come out to Littlefield and watch you on May 30th. May 30th is the only. It's a Thursday. I'm shamelessly promoting it. It's not shameless 30th is the only it's a thursday i'm shamelessly promoting it it's not shameless it's good it's a fucking good thing i care about it uh more than any show i've done probably uh is someone opening for you that's a new york guy or girl i'm gonna just hit up my famous friends the week of smart like smart so just surprise people a little bit

yeah i want you know i don't want to like entice people with like no no no i don't want to sell tickets based on anybody else yeah but i wanted the people who are there to be like holy fucking shit but it's always more fun to perform with your friends that you're like isn't this cool that all these people are you know like my group of talented friends are in this thing with me together that's what i think that i was saying that before when i cut myself off and then you were like did you and i was like i did mark normand i was saying how la has started to cultivate this comedy community and he's like new york is starting to catch up but it is a thing that's happening more than ever now is like i i'd rather just all i'd rather us all eat do you know what i mean like let's all fucking let's all like raise each other up yeah it's way more the shows are more fun yeah the the days of

competitiveness over like why does he get that spot why does she get that it's way more the shows are more fun yeah the the days of competitiveness over like why does he get that spot why does she get that it's like fuck off it's better if we're all in it together then the fans get more of what they want i also think it's also we're maturing and you grow up a little bit it's like hey man if you if you don't stand up for 10 years hard you know and you're at where we're at like not that like like i'm like we've like if you get something like he worked for that yeah that is not nobody gave no one at this point is just like he slipped through the cracks yeah exactly it's impossible it's basically like he hasn't stopped yet yeah yeah that's more i'm more blown away when people just fucking keep going

yeah like wow he's really plugging away i mean it's a good thing because i taught someone who's talking to me about retirement like they were like oh yeah my parents are retiring and they're like, wow, he's really plugging away. I mean, it's a good thing because someone was talking to me about retirement. They were like, oh yeah, my parents are retiring and they're like, I'm thinking about retirement and I thought, God, our industry, that word doesn't exist. Well, I would never want to not do stand-up. Me too.

Well, I'd never want to do something creative. I don't know what it's going to be, but I'd have a hard time thinking there's a moment when I go, I'm just going to boat and fish. You know, it's like, I want to boat and fish and also. Yes, I want to boat and fish and also yes I want to boat and fish but I also want to like I don't want to give this up

go up and be like hey that guy who claims he's a virgin on The Bachelor I fucked him you know like I want to be able to go up did you by the way yeah Coachella last year

Ty dude first weekend second weekend second weekend after Jamie XX next to the Umami Burger stand it was magical it's a real specific joke

we looked at each other in the eye honestly this could have happened. No, it did. His name's Colton. We're in love. Go to brookswheeling.com and buy those fucking tickets. He's the one that took the bachelor's virginity because all that shit was a liar.

He's a liar. This weekend, I'm in Las Vegas. If you're fucking in Las Vegas, you better come out and see me. I know you're probably blacked out, partying and on drugs. Come do them with me. Where are you going to? What do you do in Vegas? Kimmel's Club.

Yeah, but what do you, what is your Vegas? What do I you gonna what do you do in Vegas Kimmel's Club yeah but what do you what is your Vegas oh what do I do what do you do there I'm gonna guess you gamble I like to play cards I like to get I like to get a little bit

of sauce play cards but also keep it together because I gotta be there for four days and also like if you you can get tore up and lose

what you're making that weekend yeah but I don't gamble like that I'm not that kind of guy I am yeah you're not playing Vegas yeah don't play Vegas no no no I'm not that kind of guy. I am. Yeah. You're not playing Vegas.

Yeah. Don't play Vegas. I'm like, I'll be in Zion until the second I got to be in Vegas. I don't trust myself. I can chill in Vegas. Dude, I shot a fucking, I shot a show in Vegas for three months. Oh, yeah. So I had to live in Caesar's Palace.

Which was, so you had to learn how to temper your fun because you were like, I loved good food and I like gambling a little bit. And I was like, there's too much expensive good food and too much reasons for me to go. I can go have a whiskey, sit at the table and just play and chill. I'm not the kind of guy that goes, I got to get it back. But I am the kind of guy that's like, I want to have some fun and chill out. Yeah.

No, I. So that. So it's a delicate balance of like, I could bust out and blow. I'm not going to already lang it at any point. I'm not going to be like, I lost, you know, 80 grand in 10 minutes. I like retired from gambling at like 22 because... You were gambling for four years before that?

Like hard? Well, in college I would have $80 and I would go to the casino in Iowa City. It's in Riverside. And I would gamble $80 and I would go to the casino in Iowa city. It's in Riverside. And, uh, I would gamble $60. I'm like,

that's, that's, that's 75% of my $5 tables. Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, I am comfortable doing this.

Yeah, man, you were ball. You were all in. So like my best friend, uh, growing up, this guy named Reese and now he's rich and he,

he just is. He's, he runs this great company. He's a great businessman. And, uh, we were talking the other day, I was like, you still gamble? He goes, ah, it's just tough to get my blood boiling anymore. Like me, like, he's like, I need it to where if I lose, it hurts. Right. Yeah. Right. That's a, well, that's a problem with gambling. And I know this sounds like pretentious or annoying or stupid, but like now the money I would gamble with, um, if I lost it, I'd be like sad, but not like bummed I would gamble with, if I lost it,

I'd be like sad, but not like bummed out. Right. But if I won a little bit of money, I would also not care. That sounds really terrible to say, but I'm at a financial point where I'd be like. There's no point where your blood's going to get boiling.

Yeah. You got to get that blood boiling. It needs to sting. No, but that's a good thing because this is the point financially where you know you shouldn't do it big anymore because then you'll go,

you'll find yourself in a bad place. Right. Like I lost 50 grand. Yeah, exactly. Like that's how I feel. Like this is the cutoff point where I go, I'm gonna spend a little bit of money and if I lose it,

this is literally my philosophy. I always say, I take the money out of the ATM that I'm literally gonna spend for the tables and if it lasts me a couple of days great and if i lose it in a couple of days i'm literally i'm done yeah you have great self-control i don't ever go back well just with that i'm saying with that yeah with that with that who do i gotta suck with with this shit i'm like oh i gotta have another one yeah yeah exactly i'd rather have four more of these at

the bar than go spend another fucking grand at a table a hundred yes so i'll be in vegas trying to control myself at Jimmy Kimmel's new club go check him out go see me go to andrewsantino.com and then in two weeks I'm at Raleigh

at Good Nights I haven't been in a couple of years I was just I just did a guest set there with Nikki Glaser love because I was doing

the Raleigh improv and both clubs are great I love Good Nights I love Raleigh it's a fucking phenomenal city and then next month I'm in fucking Connecticut and San Diego at the end of June.

Go to AndrewSantino.com and peep all that shit. You have Foxwoods? No, I'm doing a stress factory. I did it in, you know, after the whole thing with Pete, I wanted to jump on all over that. Do you know about all this stuff with Pete Davidson? Like walked out of the stress factory because of that? No. The one in New Jersey?

New Brunswick? Yeah. What happened? Oh, dude, you got to Google it. I am not into the business of looking up what Pete's of that? No, the one in New Jersey? New Brunswick? Yeah. What happened? Oh, dude, you gotta Google it. I am not into the business of looking up what Pete's up to. No, no, no. It was all over the fucking news.

He walked out because the owner talked about Ariana Grande and fucking... I like Pete. No, no, it was just funny. It was just funny. He got mad. He said,

don't talk about those people. And then he talked about the people and then the people were like... Then Pete was like, that's it, I'm leaving. He just walked out. Yeah, he has every right to. Yeah, he's got his rules, dude.

You got your fucking rules. Hey, man, you got a guy who's selling that many tickets just walked out yeah he has every right to yeah he's got his rules dude you got your fucking rules hey man you got a guy who's selling that many tickets listen to what he says sure yeah fucking listen to what he says also comedy's a weird business

yeah yeah yeah comedy's a fucking nightmare business I can't believe we're doing it for money I would do it for free I got banned from hyenas in Dallas

sounds about right well it's not my fault I've gotten banned from one club governors uh in dallas sounds about right well it's not my fault i've gotten banned from one club governors governors governors long island what what happened let's do quick stories why you got banned and why i got banned i got banned because um there was a table of hecklers that were friends with the owner manager owner manager baby and uh he let them talk the whole time i couldn't sell a ticket to save my life this is when i first started comedy right and still now i'm selling great tickets dude you

want to go toe-to-toe on ticket numbers how many people are going to come see me in fucking vegas and raleigh and san diego who's going to go to this littlefield bullshit god you know what i take it back don't go see this fucking cunt in new york don't he sucks fuck him good to see him it's good to see I love you I first it was when I first started fucking touring

and this guy he let these people talk through the show and he was friends with them he was chumming it up with his table of guys and I was like what the fuck man

like they talked through my opener he didn't give a shit and I was so hurt because they would hurt when you first start headlining and no one

you're nervous it sucks dude it sucks like now I'll take a stand. I'll sink the whole room until the table leaves. Well, but I'll kick them out because the rest of my- That's what I'm saying. I'm like, you're gone and I'll make the room uncomfortable for five minutes.

Then I'll get everybody back together. But it takes confidence and years of headlining. It takes a long time. And I was too new- For you to be like, get the fuck out. I don't care if everybody's going to be weird for 10 minutes. We'll get it back. Right.

But I didn't do that instead. Because why would you well but i did do a i did do a thing that a veteran would do in a in a bad way so i said you guys are gonna fucking talk um i'm just gonna i'm getting paid anyway i'm just gonna sit up here you guys have ruined the show for everyone else oh and so i sat on the stool for 20 minutes yeah i sat for 20 minutes and people and slowly people trickled out and the manager whoever was like that was the most unprofessional thing i've ever seen in my life and i was like so was letting a table of eight dudes yell and scream and fuck off to the host and the end and the feature and he you know in so many words like i don't want you performing here again and i was like i'll never

come back to this fucking i was like fuck that shit yeah i don't know who it was owner manager it was back in the day my long time mine mine i feel Mine, I feel like, was a rare, not my fault moment where I flew in Thursday, get there, I'm supposed to do the Plano Hyenas. They're like, hey, we rented it out.

It got rented out. It's a private party. We don't need you. They have three locations. They go, can I get you a guest set on one of the other locations? They said no.

I'm like, I'm fucking in town. Yeah, you're in town. I flew here. Right. So I'm like, if I can't get up there, I'm going somewhere else

to do stand-up. So I go do an open mic and I just fucking go off on hyenas and then i do the weekend good times one of those open micers rolls in tells the uh whatever brothers the guys who own it what i call i just call them that yeah the whatever brothers are like this guy talking shit and they're like we pay for him to be here talk shit i'm like yeah like, yeah, you guys flew me out here and not let me do stand-up. Yeah, you fucked me off. Yeah, so I don't feel bad about it at all. Yeah, fuck him. You pick who you associate with.

I don't remember who even that guy was out there if he was a manager or the owner, but I'm sure he doesn't even remember it because it was such a fucking long time ago. It was a wash weekend for him. It's so fun to be like, I don't need this. Yeah, well, you don't need to be treated like shit.

I mean, I've said it adamantly on this podcast and other podcasts. There are certain clubs that treat you well, certain people that treat you well, certain families that treat you well that own clubs. Madison, Comedy on State. I've said it a million times. Fucking Wendy in Denver, Madison, Comedy on State. I think the Bronson family that runs the Edmonton room and Arizona and their Minnesota room, I think the Bronsons are fucking good people.

I think there's good people that just run good rooms, that are nice to you, that try their best to be cool to you. My favorite, Bloomington. Jared runs Bloomington Comedy Attic. I know they're in some heat right now, but I like the Acme in Minneapolis. Heat, wow. They're having Louis on this week. Whatever, whatever. Yeah, Louis and Acme in Minneapolis. They're having Louis on this week.

Yeah, Louis in Acme. Yeah, which I mean, it's none of my business. Yeah, I don't really give a fuck what other people are doing shows except for the people. People hit me up to be like, Louis did Raleigh,

and they're like, you should cancel. Louis did Good Nights? No, the Raleigh Improv. They're like, you should cancel your shows at Raleigh. I'm like, I have nothing to do with this. I'm not cancel my what an insane here let me put it like this

imagine people getting mad but there was a comic i don't want to call him the fuck out but it pissed me off that he was like i won't play at any club that fucking louis ck played at uh and i was like get the fuck get the fuck out what the fuck are you talking about it this is about my business and me i'm not i'm not selling louis tickets no shit it's about my weekend i'm not featuring i'm not opening to say that i've to say that i vouched that i will uh vouch for every comedian before me and thereafter me at that venue is as dumb as anything i've ever heard where do your clothes come from you're gonna check down where everything you've ever done comes from all the decisions that people have made before you in a place prior to you it's about you and your

your morals and your your your ethics not about those before set up the environment you want todd glass is the king of that set up the environment you want mashed potatoes for me here curate your environment i don't let clubs play the music i make them play the you do what you want yeah because i'm like i'm like by the way the guy that was before you that has nothing to do with you exactly but i'm saying when i roll in the club i'm like play this music i don't need fucking jock jams i want chilled out brooks wheeling i don't want y'all ready to get fucked tonight y'all ready for this like you guys used to have furbies yeah it's so true you can't care about what other people uh what other that whole louie thing made me so mad about where he performs i will perform at what any club wants to book me

for my fans to come see me that is a bullshit nonsense fucked up self like uh what is it uh what's it called a virtue signaling thing to put online i'm gonna perform where i'm gonna perform for my fucking fans i don't give a fuck who was there before me by the way that's like saying there's plenty of people that do comedy that perform at these clubs that i think are uh shit trash not not comedians you ever watch here so what so are you gonna go i won't perform there if the yakimo brothers or whoever the fuck performs because they're garbage it's like no dude it's for my fans that weekend for me there's there's a club in la i garbage. It's like, no, dude, it's for my fans that weekend for me. There's a club in LA,

I won't say, but I can't watch any of the comedians who go up before me because they're so bad and the crowd laughs that by the time I go on stage, I'm mad at the crowd. You're angry at them.

I'm like, you thought that was good? So I hang out in the back and I don't listen to anybody. But that's a shared show, right? Yeah. So for your weekend you cultivate your fans yeah

and I hope that continues in comedy all I gotta say is keep supporting fucking live comedy I don't care I don't care who the fuck you go to see

go see people go see this fucking piece of shit May 30th in Littlefield rude brookswheeling.com one of my oldest friends in comedy yeah

I love you very much we'll also listen to Andrew's episode on I have a podcast called Entry Level yes a a podcast called Entry Level. Yes. A great podcast called Entry Level. I'll put all that stuff where?

In the description. I know everyone complains. Where can I find it? It's a fun podcast where I interview, you're the second guest. Yeah, number two. With the first like one that wasn't just a pilot, but it's where I interview all of a bunch of comedians

about all the jobs that we were bad at before we got into comedy. Our first job, our entry level job. Yeah. And if you like comedy, I've gotten like 80 plus episodes. If you like comedy, I guarantee there's a comedian you'll like. You'll love it. I promise you'll love it.

You don't have to listen to all of them. Just look. You'll find somebody that you like. Listen to all of them. Listen to all of them. Well, you do all right. Three times in a row. I listen to every single one.

I haven't missed one. Because there's hidden messages. Well, there's no hidden messages it's pretty right on the nose the whole podcast is just pretty blatant it's pretty straightforward it just talks about old jobs

I guess Brooks it's great that you came and I love you man I love you too this is really fun this is great bye thank you whisk

whisk whisk whisk you're that creature in the ginger beard sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse

gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers