Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Carrot Top

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

2 GINGERS AT ONCE?! Ya gatdamn right! This week for a double ginger dose it's the comedy legend Carrot Top! What a fun and interesting conversation with one of the most enigmatic people in comedy. Learn a little something about the man, sit back, and enjoy! #carrottop #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcasts ========================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS DRAFTKINGS SPORTSBOOK Download the App and use PROMO CODE: WHISKEY BIRDDOGS Use PROMO CODE: WHISKEY For your FREE TUMBLER https://birddogs.com/whiskey RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: WHISKEY https://rabbitholedistillery.com/drizly ========================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. It's Carrot Top. Wow. What else do you want to know, man? Been in the game for so, so long. I'm happy to have him on the show. He doesn't do too many pod appearances, so blessings, blessings

from the other ginge in the desert. I am on tour, ladies and gentlemen, this fall. Me and the Bobby Lee are going to be running around all over the place. Chicago, we're going to Denver, we're going to Boston. We're over there in Pittsburgh, Rochester, Cleveland. We're everywhere. Come see me, D.C., Milwaukee, Madison.

Come out and see me and Bobby. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Also, hint, hint, we might be touring around the world in the new year. We might go down under. We might. And we might go to Western Europe.

Okay, dude. All right. We'll see. Keep you posted. Go to badfriendspod.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

Okay, here we go. Let's get started. Andrew, right? Yes. Right, Andrew. It's his eye. I love you. I love you too, man.

No, I love it. I was thinking of all podcasts that I haven't gotten to be on. This should be the one. I'd be literally pissed off if I didn't get to be on the ginger drink whiskey. That's what I'm talking about. Let me start it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth.

I say that for all my guests but I mean it once again today it is carrot top all right thank you dude how are you cheers very good thank you cheers to you I feel I sound like maud yeah am I here listen to me kids am I Harold then is that what I think yeah yes just a little what was that that's

soothe the soothe the throat oh shit oh these glasses well that'll fuck you up. Yeah, it might make you feel, yeah. Ooh, what is that one? Just to tickle you, huh? Wow, what is that one? You like that? Wouldn't say I love it, but I don't dislike it.

You don't dislike it, but you don't like it. It's good, you taste it. It's strong, it's got some depth to it. Sometimes you like Crown, it's like, it has like sugar water. That's smooth. That's a man's drink. This is a man's drink. Damn it, get my guns out. Yeah, no, no's a man's drink. This is a man's drink. Damn it.

Get my guns out. Yeah, no, no, no. Please put both out. Look at this, dude. How many days a week are you in the gym? What are we talking? Oh, I just go. I don't. I look bigger.

I'm not really that big. You never are in the gym? No, I go to the gym. How many days a week? Mike Tyson hit me like four years ago in the arm. And I'm not kidding. It's still his left arm. No, he hit me so hard.

Well, luckily it's not your lead arm. Are you a righty? I am a righty. Well, then you're fine. Don't worry about it. No, I go to the gym like every day but for like 40 minutes, and I don't lift a lot of weight. Every day?

And people meet me, they always say, oh, I thought you were like bigger, like this big monster. And they meet me and I'm like, I weigh like 160 pounds. Yeah, but let's be honest. I appear to be bigger. You did get very big. Like in porn, TV ads. No, this has always been my,

I just, there's pictures that people did that they did something to it that I look like, yeah. Because I did, I forget, it was Howard Stern or one of these shows and they were like, and I walked in and he's like, you're like a normal guy.

I said, well, what did you think? You thought you were like this freaking animal weirdo. I said, well, I am still a little bit weirdo, but I wasn't like this freakish looking they thought I was a shirt but I'm yeah I'm 160

160 yeah yeah you're not a tall guy but you're still I got some a little bit for a comic you know

people say for a comic you got muscles you just want to you don't want to do Joe Piscopo you don't want to Joe Piscopo no no no

and I know Joe Piscopo he's a nice guy but he was huge but he was too much I mean it was too much I think even he realized it was too much at some point the moment that Joe Piscopo looked he was huge. But it was too much. I mean, it was too much. I think even he realized it was too much at some point.

The moment that Joe Biscobo looked in the mirror and was like, this is too much. This is ridiculous. Why would I do this? If you could just take the microphone and just crush it. Look, you are a figurehead in comedy and have been for so long. There isn't probably a person that doesn't know who you are if they know anything about comedy whatsoever

You've been living in Vegas for 20 years. How long have you been there longer than well full-time? Yeah, about that 20 years full about full time and then but I've been going for about 38 years 28 years sorry and six nights a week. You're still six nights a week. That's why I have no voice Yeah, there's not what so the one night you have off is sunday or monday and here i am and here you are and you're still working still working baby what do you think is it because you're just you're addicted to you're addicted to the game i you know i just saw an interview literally last night about son i wish i'll think it'll come to me about how long do you want to do this and when you're gonna and i the answer was like i don't even think about that

i like you know when are you gonna retire i'm like there's no thought process of retiring i still feel like a kid um and i love it i think that was the interview was the guy said do you still like doing what you do and he said yeah i have more energy now than i did then which is true i think you learn the craft a little bit more. You get a little more confident. I love writing. I love trying new jokes. Every night I'll try five or six things. Even if they eat shit, I do them. And my crew always knows they love that part of it, though.

I hate when comics just do the same shit forever. Don't try to be creative. Eating it is part of growing as a comic. But you've got to throw in some of the hits. Oh, no, you don't do a whole hour. You don't do a whole hour new. No. You sprinkle in like it evolves.

Like I do a Barbie joke last night or I do a Trump – something new that just happened. Coke in the White House. Something where people are like, oh, he's following the news. He's reading the paper. So if they saw you Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, they're not getting the exact same show. No. If they came to every show, if somebody stayed for a whole week in Vegas. No, definitely not for a whole week.

Wow. But, you know, as comics, people always say like, because they see Chris Rock or, you know, people that do hour specials, they always just think and assume that every comic just every night has a whole new hour. Well, yeah. And it's always so funny. You're like, well well i saw you on saturday early show and then i'm gonna stick around with this the second show is the same what's gonna i might add the word like a different word in there but it's gonna be close to the same pretty close the idea that i think people have started to become more

keen uh about what it takes to put together an hour particularly because comics now are a little bit more transparent like you know tom sag, Tom Segura's a good buddy. He'll literally say on his tour, working out new shit. Right. Like, he'll just tell you, dude, I'm going on a new tour to do clubs so I can get to the theater,

so I can get to the thing. I think the transparency helps us feel a little bit more comfortable going, dude, I'm going to give you some bangers, but I'm also, I have to, where else can I do this thing? I do the same, but I don't tell my audience. I just throw in the shit,

and then they go, this new one, right? Yeah. They kind of know. Do the hits. Yeah. Well, do you get requests for stuff that people have favored? Yeah, I still get my Wendy's.

People yell at me when I do your one. It's a stupid joke. It's not even a joke. It's just, it was one of my very first things. I was performing in the Bahamas at a comedy club and the only restaurant

that we would go to was a Wendy's. And so we went in there every day. We were there for two weeks at this club. And every day, you know, we'd walk in. The whole people that worked at Wendy's laughed at me. And I just figured they're laughing at me because I look like this. And then finally the girl's like, oh, you're the, you know.

I was like, what? Oh, I'm the Wendy's girl. So literally it was like the running gag so my friend and I said I gotta go to a club and get like or go to a store and get like you know

a couple scrunchies and put my hair in pigtails and hold up the bag look it's Wendy she's here and it turned into like a 20 minute routine

about Wendy's so people still yell do your Wendy's thank you Bahamanians that's very nice of them they gave you a little something yeah do you get now because it's Vegas.

Like, I'm so curious, because I played Vegas. When I played the Vegas, I played win. Sure. It's one of my jokes. Are we dying? You're not going to win at the Vegas. They can't even spell it. That's insane.

That's a military helicopter for sure. That is definitely. That's so loud. They're coming for us. Yeah, well, that's fine. Shoot us now. They're like, two in one room? I know, right?

You got a good target. Yeah, two gingers at once. Shoot us now. They're like, two in one room? I know, right? You got a good target. Yeah, two gingers at one student party. We've been waiting for this moment. We don't really mingle a lot together, do we? Gingers, no.

Yeah, no. We're pretty separate. Separate but equal, that's what we say. We already have two in here. Thank you. Well, have you ever had a relationship

with a redheaded person? No, people, that's funny, I've not. Yeah, most of us don't want to. No, right. Yeah. It's only because

we're not repulsed by one another, but we see so much of ourself in another redhead that we're like, hmm. That was one of my, I was saying one of my jokes. It wasn't, I've been doing this for too long, but it was a bit somewhere. They always think that we're having sex with other redheads. I said, no, you're probably having fun with another redhead. No, no, no. No, we're trying to stop this from progressing.

Right, that's another joke. We don't want this to continue. That we're running out. They say that we're running out of redheads. That's deliberate. We might be extinct. And I said, you know why? Because no one's fucking us.

That's right. That's what's happening. Oh, okay, we've got some hot tea. Let's fly in the hot tea, baby. That might have been the chopper. Oh, was that you? Were you taking the military chopper in? That was the military chopper that brought in tea.

That's how big I am in Vegas. They bring in fucking tea. That is huge. American military chopper that brought in tea that's how big I am that's how big I am in Vegas they bring in fucking tea that is huge American military chopper thank you Lazlo that's Laz that's your boy Laz that just came in

to drop off some I've known Laz for a thousand years so I guess my what I was trying to get to was I've always loved Vegas I've had this weird affinity for Vegas my whole life

and I was so far away I was Chicago born so Vegas was this kind of far-fetched thing I've always loved Vegas. I've had this weird affinity for Vegas my whole life. And I was so far away. I was Chicago born. So Vegas was this kind of far-fetched thing. I went there for my 21st birthday. And then I've gone since then a thousand times. I went to school in Arizona. So we would jump over there. And what I found when I was young

and wanted to be a standup, I was always like, man, this must be one of the hardest places because of the competition, the drugs the the drugs and the booze you know everyone's late i'm like what do you find out of all the elements that make it tough to be a comic is the hardest part that's very interesting literally everything you just said i never thought of that in that way i swear really yeah nope i was always intimidated

when i went to vegas for the first time I was probably – you said I was probably 14. And I remember I went to see Gallagher, and that was who – one of my – I just loved Gallagher. And I went to see him, and I remember the marquee was 20 stories. And across at Caesars was Bill Cosby, and I still have a picture of me standing in front of the Bill Cosby marquee. And it was like – it's like 19 story long. And all I remember thinking was like, it's that the thing, the name and the whole structure is bigger than life. It's just like, what?

And then you go in and see this guy, like it didn't make any sense. And then I ended up being in Vegas with a marquee with it. And you don't even think of it. Don't look at it. But when you're a kid, you think this is bigger than life this is the most amazing thing it's not they're not real people and you go and you see bill cosby or go see i just saw bill maher a couple weeks ago uh and they're like you have a show here oh yeah i do like you don't you don't you forget about you kind of forget about it like oh yeah but you're right about the people drunk late. You're not really, I don't think.

I mean, I've done this for a long time now. So people sometimes plan their trips to come see me. Sure. But if Carlin used to do a great bit about that. How many people came to see me because they couldn't get into, you know. Something else. Something else. Correct, yeah.

The Beatles on roller skates. Right, right. And people, the Beatles on roller skates. And I got to tell you a story about that one. So, and people say, you know, you're a sideshow. You're not, you know. Vegas is a different, interesting breed. And one thing, the Beatles on roller skates.

I was leaving the Luxor one night, and this couple was walking. I was walking out, and they were walking in. They said, oh, my God, we saw your show last night. And they said it was so great. I was like, and they were walking in. They said, oh, my God, we saw your show last night. And they said it was so great. I was like, you know, good. And they said, we just went and saw Love. Yeah. And I said, oh, the Beatles.

How was that? They go, it was horrible. And I said, why? And on my life, they said it was all Beatles music. And it was just like really, really monotonous. I swear to God. You can't write that. Yeah.

And I'm like, it's, the Beatles, I mean, they, like, they wanted, they were expecting to see like a Led Zeppelin song

in the middle of the Beatles. No Hendrix. No Hendrix. They didn't throw in anything. Not anything. But they, for some reason, they were just,

and they were just, and I never have forgotten that. I even, I think I wrote it down. I said, even, yeah. But that's the problem.

That's what I mean that Vegas was always daunting to me when I was young was the competition scared down. I said, even... Yeah. But that's the problem. That's what I mean that Vegas was always daunting to me when I was young was the competition scared me because I thought, who gives a shit about seeing me? Of course, I was so much younger in my career. And that's daunting. Anywhere you go, you're like, why do they want to come see me in Minneapolis?

You know, like, I'm in the mall. What do they care? But... But if you're with Tiffany... Different world. Different world, baby. But nowadays, like I just played, Bert Kreischer had a tour there.

We just did the T-Mobile Arena. And it was great. And you do realize, I think maybe it's a sign of the times that comedy is, I mean, thicker than it's ever been. Thick is the word I want to use for no other reason than like it feels like it's entrenched in community now. People like know it. They see our friends and people go to see and oh we just saw and then we just saw and i think do you see like did you see a dip in your shows and then a rise again recently

in the shows like do you feel like it's bubbling more than it's ever been i think comedy like you said is a good way to put it i think comedy's been more on the forefront again yeah um and maybe because of the cultural things that have happened lately in the last couple of years of changing, you know. Is stuff going on, culture? What's going on out there? That's what I say. Yeah. What's happening?

Well, no, I do a whole thing in my show. I said, has comedy changed? And I said, in what way? You know. And I said, no, I'm not following you. You know, like, you know, certain events or certain topics do you avoid because you might offend. And I'm like, no. Our main purpose is not to offend people.

Right. As a comic. We want to entertain. Now, if you're going to get offended, that's your own deal. Sure. But we're not there to do it. Like, I did a trans beer fucking Bud Light. Bud Light, yeah.

Now, it's a great prop. It's a great, I mean, it's just a great prop. I do stand up as well, but the prop, it was just, I'm sitting there and I thought, I've got it. So it's just, it's a Bud Light beer, you know, one of those metal beer thing. And it's got a Barbie doll and a Ken doll that come out like, so when you drink it, it looks like you're, you know, in a crotch. So, and it kills, I mean, it kills, kills, kills. Yeah. But then you add to it, like, you know, I had to buy a Barbie doll and a Ken doll

and the Ken dolls don't have hair on the legs so I had to get a Sharpie and draw a fucking hair thing. So it gets deeper and deeper in the crowd. I said, this is what, and I do it for you. I don't need to have hair on his legs. I do it for you. But people now, ooh, they get a little bit like, when it first hit that night, they were like,

oh my God, you're doing it I said fucking day one I have it what are you talking about day one well here's the deal though this is what's funny about people going that reaction they're happy that someone's saying it but I feel like it's because they can't believe public figures are going to talk about it because they go

because they think you're going to get in trouble because by the way these people talk about it in the basements with their friends or at dinner parties they talk about all the time right no but they talk about each other they've scared you on these shows where they cancel you and do these different things yeah people are like oh god you're like a risk taker i'm like no i'm just doing my job i'm doing i said i'm doing my job yeah and i'm in vegas for fuck's sake you know how do you feel like this is a branson, Missouri where you can't say darn. Well, no, you can.

You can. You can't say darn? They'll put you in jail now. Yeah, you can't say darn. You'll go to jail. You will go to prison. No, but how do you feel as like,

that's a second military job. Yeah, they're coming for us. I swear to God, if the alien thing is real and this is what's happening now, imagine. Is this the only time it's ever happened?

I've never heard military job in my entire life. Now you both got me concerned. No, I actually like weirded out. I'm a huge celebrity. They know I'm here. Is that what they said? Do you think they sent in the military for you?

I'm huge. Flew them up from San Diego. Get up there, carrot tops up there. I just posted I was on Southwest, so they might. Oh, you did? Why would you do that? Don't post, man. Don't tell them where you are.

I was on the plane with Carol Leifer. Very, very brilliant cop. Really? Yeah. Wow. So we took a picture and I said, I got to post it. You took a commercial flight here? Yeah.

You do? Do you commercial fly? Mm-hmm. We were taking a bet before the show. I was like, I wonder if he's probably... The carrot jet. You're probably flying private. I mean, I've flown private before, but...

But you don't do it all the time. No, but I have. I'm going to be honest with you. That strikes me as... I assumed you for sure. All my friends all have jets. Every one of them. You.

I don't when I don't. Literally every friend I have. I mean big name. Yes. Friends. Comics. From Howie Mandel to Bill Maher. I wouldn't assume you might own a jet.

Jay Leno was like, yeah. I said, no, I don't own a jet. He's like, well, I don't buy. I just lease it. I said, I know, but you have to have leasing money. This is back when I was doing The Tonight Show all the time. I run across the street here. Yeah. And he was like, you have my jet. He's like, well, I don't buy it. I just lease it. I said, I know, but you have to have leasing money. This is back when I was doing the Tonight Show all the time, right across the street here. And he was like, you got your jet.

You take your jet back to Vegas? And I said, no, Jay, I don't have a jet. I don't have a jet. I just lease it. And I said, well, I know, but Jay loaned him money, you know, $30 million a year. Right. $28 million a year.

Yeah, Caritas is doing pretty good, dude. That $2 million is the difference between getting a jet? Yeah, it's two different. Good at math. I guess that's good. That one redertau's doing pretty good, dude. That two million is the difference between getting a jet? Yeah, it's two different. Good at math. I guess that's good. And one redhead, I bet that's good at math. Yeah, I had to do it three times.

That's why. But no, but I'm serious. You do strike me as someone that for sure would fly. That will be my next big purchase or whatever. Not purchase, but I'll rent one. Investment.

Invest in a jet. My friends, of course, have invested in them. So are you conservative with the way that, because, okay, look. I'm a very i'm completely right this is me dressed up you made all this right i made everything yes that's what brad garrett if brad garrett walked in right he says oh thrift shops are still good and good for you how is the convertible right over you know that kind of shit but i guess my look this is gonna it's not it's not the convertible it's not

it's not a it just feels like in my mind, if you're playing Vegas six nights a week, to win the comedy community when we talk about you, everyone says the same. They go, that guy's got to have more money than God. Like six nights a week in Vegas, your resident, it feels like to us,

that is the richest you can be as a comedian. Both rewarding from a performing every single night to your own crowd your house it's literally your room so to us it's like well you got to be just you got to have everything you've ever needed is that true it's it's been a blessing i will say yeah and especially looking back as a young comic would you ever have thought that you'd be number one in vegas or doing it almost 40 years it's it's surreal's surreal. Very lucky, very blessed. And everything he says is true. The room's great to have your own audience built in.

It's you. Yeah. You can have whatever you, what you want at your, and what gives you, what also does probably give me the, the, uh, freedom to, to work on stuff every day. Cause I'm, I'm, you know, I'm just there. It's my crowd, my people. So that's why you said you're not going to retire anytime soon. We talked on the other show. I don't think so. Yeah, people that get to a certain age. I still feel like I'm 12.

I can't imagine retiring. You know what I mean? I think – I'm 58. I think dressing this way helps you feel better. Does it help? Yeah. Really?

I just look homeless. I look like I – They're like, the Vegas gift's not going so well. You come back to L.A., you're like, dude, this is – I fit in. This is perfect. Yeah, yeah. I dressed as a Jew. I wouldn't get beat up today.

Well, we said before the reason that I think we feel so young as comics is because we continually try to stay connected to culture and culture is young. Naturally it just is young. Agreed. I agree. I agree. So if you go the other way and you follow the line of your own version of thinking where it's like, well, I'm 50-something years old and I should be thinking this way. Well, then, yeah, you'll naturally kind of get away from yourself. But we're all kids.

I've always thought the same thing. People have asked me. Literally last night on my show, this lady was like, how do you stay so – you haven't changed. I said, I have. But no, man, look at you. You look so good. I mean, you still got your body and the thing and your – and I said to her, I said, I'm in a job that I – number one, I have. But no, man, look at you. You look so good. I mean, you still got your body and the thing. And I said to her, I said, I'm in a job that I, number one, I love.

But you're right. You're like a kid up there. You dance around and jump around. You culturally stay on top of what's going on in the news, the topics. And you're in show business, for fuck's sake. You get to have fun every night. Right. You put on a show. You have a drink after your show.

Right. You put on a show. You have music playing. You have people. You meet and greet every night. Right. You put on a show. You have a drink after your show. Right. You put on a show. You have music playing. You have people. You meet and greet every night? No. How many nights a week do you meet and greet? It depends if I have friends that are there.

I'll meet them. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we have a paid meet and greet that we'll meet before the show and say hi to people. We were doing meet and greets when Bobby Lee and I were on the road and I was like, it is a job in and of itself. I think people don't even understand. That's a whole nother gig. Yeah, it is a whole nother gig. When you're meeting hundreds and hundreds if not thousands of people. Yeah, and I was like, it is a job in and of itself. I think people don't even understand. That's a whole other gig. Yeah, it is a whole other gig.

When you're meeting hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of people. Yeah, that's why I do it every night. That's heavy. That's a heavy, heavy load. I only have three people that meet me, though. Thirty? Three. Three?

It was different for you. Yeah, three's... You had a couple hundred. I had three. Yeah, three's great. I gave him a honey stick. We should do that. Three would be nice.

Everybody gets one honey stick. One honey stick to go? Do you travel with security? Well, I make them eat it there. They don get him a honey stick. We should do that. Three would be nice. Everybody gets one honey stick. One honey stick to go? Do you travel with security? Well, I make them eat it there. They don't get it to go. I say, get this fucking thing right in front of me. You travel with a guy that holds honey sticks for you, and you go eat it right in front of me?

Yeah, yeah. Dude, Carrot Top does the same. You know, Howie Mandel did the funniest thing. Howie Mandel did the funniest thing that he told in an interview. He would have a meet and greet, and he really did this. He would have a meet and greet, and they would all be outside in there, and he would hide under the table with the cloth over it. Sure.

And people would walk in, and he'd say, hello. And they'd be like, hello. And he would say, this is weird, because this was before he was completely crazy with the drink. He would make each one of them go under the table and say hi to him under the table. Oh, boy. This feels like he's going to get canceled. How great is that, though?

What happened under the table, Howie? But isn't that great? Yeah. Nice to meet you. Good to see you. Where are you from? Good to see you. It's very private.

Yeah, it's very private. Fucking love it. I kissed the first girl in a table in Catholic school underneath the tablecloth. You never kissed a girl. Stop it. Yes, I did. I kissed so many girls. The guy that gets Yes, I did. I kiss so many girls. The guy that gets real defensive. Bro, I kiss

so many girls. You have no idea. I'm a good kisser. I be kissing, dude. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, hey, college football fans, are you ready for week one? DraftKings Sportsbook is hooking you up with a cannot miss offer to start the season

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The crown is yours. Hey, you know what I'm wearing right now? What I've been wearing every single day to let my nuts breathe my bird dogs. These are my dogs. I got them on right now. I got my bird dogs on. I'm wearing the pants because I'm not allowed to wear shorts on my own show because people are like, Ew, your legs are gross. I get it. That's how I got my nickname Cheeto from my leg hair because they look like Cheeto dust. Dog. I'm wearing my bird dogs almost every day because it's summer, summertime.

And it feels so good to let my nuts hang. And they have this lining that feels so comfortable and breathable. And I don't get all sweaty and stanky. They have moisture wicking in there. I love Bird Dogs. Honestly, I love them. The shorts are my favorite. I'm wearing the pants, but the shorts are my favorite. They look like khaki shorts or like high-end shorts. You can wear them

on the golf course, to the pool, to the pool hall, to the dance hall. You can do whatever you want with them. You can wear them to the gym or you can wear them around the crib. Bird dogs are so comfortable. It's unbelievable. Go check them out. That's Chris DiStefano calling me.

He's calling me in the middle of it. He wears bird dogs too. Hey, go to birddogs.com slash whiskey. Enter the promo code whiskey for a free tumbler with your order. That's birddogs.com slash whiskey. Enter the promo code whiskey for a free tumbler. And I got to tell you, you're going to love these things. Bird dogs are so comfortable, and they make my tush look nice.

Go get some bird dogs. Ginger. I like gingers. I'd be kissing, dude. No, that was my first. In Catholic school at Moody Bible, a girl crawled under a tablecloth and I kissed. I went to Catholic school, too, so we have that.

How long were you in Catholic school? Your whole life as a kid? I'm still in Catholic school. You are? Oh my God. We all are, really. Somebody likes to get touched. Aren't we really all just cursed for health?

If I get out of this, they're going to stop hugging me that much. Yeah, I was an altar boy. Oh, no. St. Mary's, yes, indeed. That's why. That's where we learned about this. That's exactly right. True.

You think I'm kidding. That's where this started. You were an altar boy. Mm-hmm. St. Mary's. St. Mary's. You're a Florida guy. You're a Florida kid. Yep, St. Mary's, Rockledge, Florida. True. You think I'm kidding. That's where this started. You were an altar boy. Mm-hmm. St. Mary's. St. Mary's. You're a Florida guy. You're a Florida kid.

Yeah, St. Mary's, Rockledge, Florida. Would you ever go back to Florida? I have a house there, yeah. But you, okay, so when is your off season? There's no off season. It doesn't exist? Yeah, no. So when do you allow to take a break?

I do a week a month. A week a month? Yeah. And that's your- So I work a month, and then I go to Florida for a week, and a month in Vegas, and then we come. Okay vegas and okay excuse my sanity i have a house there because they told me you're uh you're gonna to do like a tour tour next year like a full tour right we have done those before but probably we'll stay with uh what we're doing now for a bit i think the luxor you know it's pretty consistent

gig so it's kind of hard to it's hard to say no. Well, yeah, it's hard to go on an actual full-blown tour. In fact, your buddy was trying to get me to go out with them, Bert. Oh, yeah. You didn't want to come? No, I couldn't because contractually with Deluxe, it was just hard to get out of that so many days. But funny guy. No, it was super fun.

I know, and big arenas and things. It was wild. Baseball stadiums and great. Yeah, we just played Vegas. Yeah, the T-Mobile. T-. Great. Yeah. We just played Vegas. Yeah. The T-Mobile. T-Mobile.

We played T-Mobile. I had some friends that were there. I did it with them and we had Louis Black come as a special guest. Yeah. Great guy. Phenomenal joke writer. Fucking funny. Funny.

Also doing new shit, which was so rad. I don't know. Timely shit. He's a guy. Yeah. He's the guy that does it. He writes. He's a writer. It's great to see that.

It's hard to see older guys not doing it. Yeah. No, he's great. It made me think of it earlier when you said I have more money than God. My favorite God one, it was just aired on, again, it was old, George Carlin. Yeah. But if any one of your fans didn't see the George Carlin bit where he talks about God. All powerful, all knowing, all seeing, all being.

Right. And he needs your money. Yeah, but he goes, but he loves you. But he loves you. And then he needs money. And he needs money. It's so great. Lots of money.

Lots of money. He's great, but just not good with numbers. Right. Such a brilliant, brilliant bit. It's a great bit. God. That's one of those where you're calm and you're like, see, that's where, you know, I always wanted to be George Carlin.

I mean, that's really. That was your number one. Yeah. And then Gallagher came. but here's the weird thing so people ask me i do a thing in my show like who influenced you i said it's so bizarre i love richard pryor i love george carlin and i love gallagher and they're like well how does that work i said well it's like a little bit of each thing sure because gallagher had great stand-up people only remember gallagher for his props if you go back and look at Gallagher's specials,

he had an hour of stand-up that didn't have props. So I loved not his props. I liked his stand-up. And then I started doing props, but my props were completely different than how he approached prop comedy. He would do like a big couch or do a thing, and he had a few that were like how I write,

where there's like an invention kind of thing. he had a few that were like how i write whether it's like a like an invention kind of thing like he had one that was funny was a it was a it was a thing where you uh it goes on the passenger side of the driver with a with a brake pad so so the your passenger could break the brake too or feel like you were part of so it's clever um but most of his stand-up was was what i thought was amazing and then car Carlin was, you know, God. And then you watch Richard Pryor. So when I started doing the props, I, you know, just tried to make it not a pun.

You know, whenever people do an impression of me, they do a pun. And it's not really a, it's offensive. It's just like they're not getting what I do. Like they would do like, you know, a shoe horn. It would be a shoe and shoe and a horn i'm like never done a pun in my entire career right never you're like if you're gonna make fun of me do it the right way well yeah i'll give you an example so family guy yeah i was just gonna say there's no way they haven't taken a shot at you oh no i got to be that guy they called me and they said we have an Do you want to be on it? I said, well, of course I want to be on it. Fuck, it's me. You're doing me. Yeah.

So they sent me the script and McFarlane, I mean, it was just, if he was in this room, he would say, I remember that. So they sent it to me and I said, oh, I hate it. And it's weird for me to say, like, I hate something that the family guy wrote, right? I said, it's just not funny. For me. My part. Yeah.

Not the show. My part that they. Not the show. My part that they wrote wasn't carrot toppy. So they were like, got me on the phone. What's wrong with it? I said, well, the joke was a seesaw. So the prop is, so you say the word seesaw. I'm guessing there's a saw and a pair of glasses. It's a saw with glasses on it.

Sure. And I'm like, fuck, that's like the worst thing in the world. Because that's what most people think of prop comedy is like that. Oh, a seesaw. Look, a handkerchief or a butterfly, a butter and wings on it. Like, nah. So he said, it's really funny. I said, well, I really don't like it.

He said, you want to pass on it? I said, well, I'll do it. I'll record it. We did it. And they did it over again in la they brought it back in line and all the writers and i'm like this is so bad why why is this funny and they said we just did like a test review people fucking love it i said it's funny because you're making no i said no people this day still walk at me and say hey seesaw so I guess they it was funny for how they saw it but I was like I said can we do like

you know something I do like the paper cups and string phone where it has a third cup for call waiting you know something more clever and they're like but that wouldn't play so you're saying they were taking a shot at you it was a bummer because you're like if you're gonna make they thought it was funny they thought that's what I do they're like no I thought that was a good one but then you said it's not and you're like you're kind're going to make fun of me. But they thought it was funny. They thought that's what I do. They're like, no, I thought that was a good one. But then you said it's not, and you're like, you're kind of mocking me.

I said, can I do one of mine? They said, well, give me an example. So I gave them one. They said, but that's not going to get a punch because it's too clever. It's too funny. To make fun of me, it's got to be dumb. Right. If they're going to make fun of you, it's got to be on the nose. Yes, because if they do a real bit from your show, it's not going to mock you the right way. Right, because then I look smart. Yeah. You know what I mean? They. Cause then I look smart. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They can't have you look smart. You out of your mind? You know what I mean? Cause there's a smart aspect. Well, how do you feel about that when people like that are like trying to look, they're not taking a shot at you,

but they are right. And what you don't do, how do you feel about that? Like, is that what, what's that initial reaction when you're like, they're showing me love, but they're tough.

It can't be the first time that someone's oh fuck my whole career i'm like the punching bag so what is it how does it make you really feel truly well you make me cry no i i truly like at first i would be when i was younger i would i would take it more to heart you know we we do like a big arena yeah be on the bus with my crew killed it fucking rock stars and watching jimmy fallon or whatever show was on tonight show and he's like they do a caretop joke and i'm like fuck and my everyone was like oh my god but it was like funny because it was like that's cool i'm relevant they're talking about me yeah but they were saying in a negative there's always a negative tone to it where they were like i'm still still the dumb guy. But then like someone like, you know, I'm trying to think of someone

like, uh, Gary Shandling would say to me, dude, you're, you're, they're the laughing, they're laughing. They're the one that's, you're the successful one. So why are you taking it to heart? I said, I'm not. He says, yeah, you are. So the more successful people that would tell me that they're only doing it because you're getting under their skin a little bit. Well, you're famous. They're going to get you when you get famous. I'm not famous. I'm recognizable in a lineup. This is what I am.

You're very, very, very famous. But because you're so famous in comedy, you do know that comes with the territory, right? Right. Sure, sure. It's such a natural. They like to say character. That's a good punch. There was a guy that wrote for People Magazine. It's such a natural... They like to say Carrot Top. They like to... That's a good punchline. There was a guy from...

That wrote for People magazine or one of those big shows of newspapers or something. And he said, why are you into continually... No, he said, how do you find your... You know, he says,

well, if I'm really in a hole and I need a punchline, I just put in Carrot Top. Really? And I wrote the guy. I was like... He goes, dude, you've been my lifesaver.

And, like, literally, because he just needed a punch. Like, just throwing Carrot Top and it gets a laugh. They do it on all these shows. Like, Fall goes, dude, you've been my lifesaver. And, like, literally, because he's the end of the punch. Like, just throwing carrot top and it gets a laugh. They do it on all these shows. Like, Fallon just did it the other night. They did a whole thing on... But that speaks volumes to their lack of writing. He says, should carrot top's hair not be green?

And everybody, you know, laughs, and then they do a poll, and they do it. And 85% said yes. Right. You know, stupid shit. But it's still good. You're relevant, and they're talking about you. And I know Jimmy Fallon. He's a good guy.

Well, I think, to me well what it I think to me what it means from a philosophical level is like at some point it's just because they they know you're a good guy and they're like

well he'll he'll yeah it doesn't matter I hope that they know that at the end of the day like I've met some people that you know

I was when I first started getting unbothered by people making fun of me is because I'd have people like Jalen or Bill Maher, Gary Shandling, you know, George Carlin say, funny shit, man, you know?

So you're like, that's cool. Like, George Carlin loved me. Right. And then I got a guy in Nebraska on the internet saying that I'm a piece of shit hack. Cool price. Yeah, I'm like, hack? I've been doing this 40 years.

You're not a hack in 40 years. You might be a hack in in the first couple years but you can't go 40 years and be a hack i don't believe they'll catch you i actually don't believe in that word we've talked about that yeah hack what's kind of an old i think the word is very hack i think it's a the idea to be like that joke or that concept of that thing is hack is in and of itself bullshit because that anything can be boiled down to being a hack literally everything you can give me the most clever joke i'll go yeah but conceptually it's bullshit it's a simple thing that someone else has peeled before sure yeah we invented the wheel once sure right like we've made different wheels but there is no such thing as being like the most original

but like chapelle's last special not the last one, but a couple ago, you know, he talks all about, like, Cosby and Michael Jackson. And you're like, these aren't current topics. Right, right. If a younger guy did it, you'd be like, oh, what are you talking about, Michael Jackson? Right, right. But it's not, it's the presentation. You know half my shows about Michael Jackson. Yes.

But that's my point, is the presentation is what matters. There is no such thing. No, and I'll give you thing. I don't buy it. I'll give you another example of like kind of a comic that came into me. We were friends from day one. I started the same club, maybe the same year. It was Larry the Cable Guy, Dan Whitney. Right.

So one day, I'm already doing arenas and doing all this shit. And he just started getting a little heat with his getter done on Air Jack her done in there jack and i always said it's brilliant because i remember when you were just dan whitney and all of a sudden you just you're this character and it's it's like huge right it's like he was selling out arenas oh yeah and he called me one day and said dude i got the new carrot top i'm the new carrot top you know getting shit on he inherited i said perfect thank god you can have the you can have the baton yeah and he said it's so I'm the new Carrot Top. Getting shit on. He inherited getting shit on. I said, perfect. Thank God you can have the baton. He said, dude, it's so cruel.

I said, yeah, but enjoy it. He says, yeah, but people say the meanest. I said, because you're successful. He made that character. Whether it's fucking, people think it's another version of Hee Haw, whatever the fuck it is. He made Lair of the Cable Guy and made that character and fucking sold it. fucking people think it's another version of Hee Haw whatever the fuck it is sure he made Lair of the Cable Guy and made that character

and fucking sold it yeah same with I came up with Stupid Carrot Top came up with the brand and if it wasn't still

it wouldn't be doing it 40 years so people dig it I have fans people come and people that don't like me don't come

that's right they don't that's it why would you go see Carrot Top I wouldn't personally but you know what I mean if you don't want to come don't go yeah that's right that's they don't like why would you go see carrots out i i wouldn't personally but you know i mean like if you don't want to come don't go yeah that's that i don't care just don't go at some point you just stop caring about like i have my fans and you have fans there's people that hate the rolling stones i i have friends that hate the grateful dead hate the rolling

stones hate certain bands give me a huge band that you don't like. Hmm, well, I see I like every kind of music. I love bands. I can't think of one band that I wouldn't go sit through. That's easy for me. Really? What's one? R.E.M.

I just... Oh, R.E.M. I can't stand... My mom would call them R.E.M. Speedwagon. I'd say, no, it's different. See, that was a pun that family guy would write.

R.E.M. But I'll say that's very true. And Lemonade and Hurricanes and Monon hurricanes and lemonade and lemonade like what the fuck you might lose me a little bit I met him one time

I'm sure there's Michael Stein there's bands that are so big I never understood why but that's the same sentiment that I'm saying I guess R.E.M. would not be my first one I would bet

that's my number one I don't know that's funny though you know how much I didn't like them I went to go to a Hollywood Bowl show to watch their opening band

my wife and I we paid show to watch their opening band. My wife and I, we paid just to watch the opening band. And the sun was still cresting, so it was still hot. It wasn't hidden behind the hills yet. People were still getting beer. And we left the moment that the opening band got on stage. It was a great band called The National. I don't know if you know this.

I was going to ask you what the name of the band was. The National. And then the next year, they opened the bowl. They headlined the bowl themselves. So it was cool to watch the progression the name of the band was. The National. And then the next year, they opened the bowl. They headlined the bowl themselves. So it was just like, it was cool to watch the progression of like, they opened for them. But my wife was like, we got to get out of here. Because both of us were like, we don't like. Yeah. But my point is, yeah, someone's not going to like it.

Anybody that's watching, if Michael Stipe is watching, this is all just. Can you imagine? No, just kidding. Sipping a cup of coffee. He might be going, oh. In some dungeon somewhere. He's definitely living underground. I gave him a Superman necklace.

Michael Stipe? Yeah. Because the song, I am Superman. Yeah. I am what's happening. Don't do anything. Yeah. And so I gave him a Superman necklace that I had two of.

I gave him an extra one. And he... He still has it today. Yeah. Michael's listening to this? I think he literally... He's rubbing it right now. He turned over to give it to his assistant.

What are the gifts that you get from fans? You must get some fun shit. Anything with a carrot. Fucking carrot cakes and fucking carrots. Really? Yes. Anything orange. You don't want any of this stuff. Any rainbow dildos, anything.

People love to give me fucking... Funny bit. Because I have a couple of dildo jokes. They give me fucking dildos all the time. I've got enough dildos. Well, you heard it here. You go backstage. Keep bringing carrot top dildos.

You go backstage. Seriously, there's so many dildos. We have them hanging on the ceiling. I said, people dildos. Well, you heard it here. You go backstage. Keep bringing Carrot Top dildos. Seriously, there's like so many dildos. We haven't hung out. I said, people give me these. Is it an HR problem? I don't know. This is becoming. I don't know.

All right, so what gifts? What's the best? People give, by the way, my fans are fucking awesome, though. What's the best gift you've ever gotten? They do give me the best gifts. Well, they give me a lot of crown bottles. People give me, because I drink crown.

Yeah. So they give me, lot of Crown bottles. People give me, because I drink Crown. Yeah. So they give me, they custom Crown bottles. And I mean to the nth degree custom. You love Crown Royal, huh? They'll spend thousands of dollars on this. That's your sauce? Yeah. Why Crown?

I don't know. I started drinking it when I was like six. No. No, I started drinking it and I just liked it. And then I did a joke in the show where I'd give out shots of Crown to the front row. And then Crown got wind of it and they gave me a sponsorship. So it just became a friendly... A wonderful exchange.

Yeah, and I like Crown. Have you made your own sauce with them? Yeah, we should do a carrot juice. They should do a batch. A carrot juice. How come they don't have a batch? Yeah, we don't have a carrot batch. To the men and women over at Crown Royal.

Do you remember your first drink? What age you were in your first drink? yeah I was 14, 15 years old we stole a bottle of oh man Captain Morgan you shouldn't remember at 14 you were drunk my buddy Matt got all sick

but we drank it on the side of the hill by his house behind his garage and got just wrecked off our heads sick but we drank it on the side of the hill by his house behind his behind like his garage um and got just wrecked off our heads that was the first time i got really smoked was like mine was my this is weird now my dad worked at the space center nasa a genius literally like a rocket scientist like he trained astronauts and he he invented the clip that puts the shuttle on top of the 747 like weird shit and as a young kid young kid, I'm like, okay, whatever, I don't care. Like, you know, I want to watch the Brady, I want to watch Gilligan's Island.

I don't want to go to this fucking launch. So we go to this launch, and it's like 100 degrees out, and there's like these, you know, tents or whatever for concessions. Yeah. So there's a beer concession and a hot dog and a Coke one or whatever. And it's Florida, so there's firework ones? So my dad's like, what do you want? And I was like, I don't know, just a hot dog and a Coke. And my dad looked at the line for the hot dog coat tent was like 50 deep. And the one for the beer line was like two people. So my dad's like, you're going to, you're going to drink a beer. And I was like, what's that?

Is he going to drink a beer? I'm not waiting in that fucking line. So my dad gets me a beer. I'm like 13. And I'm like, I remember taking a sip, man. He looked at me and says, don't tell your mother. I said, I won't. He's like, how is it? I'm like, it's not good.

And I remember sitting there. It was like there was three launches. It was like three rockets going off. My dad's like, oh, there's a launch. I'm like, there's three rockets? My dad's like, is this a launch? I'm like, is this three rockets? He's like, fuck, you're drunk. I was drunk,

and I got home. My mom said, how was the launch? I'm like, I got drunk. My dad got me. What the? Dad got me tanked.

My dad's like, I just told you not to tell your mother. Well, that's the first thing you do when you tell your mom. I'm 13. I'm snitch worthy. I'm snitch age. I'm a whistleblower. I love those words. We have a whistleblower. They're a snitch. They'm snitch-worthy. I'm snitch-age. Yeah, I'm a whistleblower. I love those words.

We have a whistleblower. They're a snitch. They're snitching. You're snitching on your own father. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, hey, I'm here to tell you once again about Rabbit Hole, and they're one-of-a-kind bourbon and rye whiskeys. I love this sauce. Look at how I grip it, by the way. If you've got a man hand, you grip this thing nice and good. You could throw it across the room to one of your buddies.

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Jump down the rabbit hole with me. Ginger. I like gingers. Is your pops alive? He just passed about four years ago. Yeah, he was an interesting one about comedy. He was not... I do a whole thing in the store about it in the show,

but it's like, you know, tell your dad that works at NASA you're going to be a comic. He was like, I don't understand. It was like me saying to you, I'm going to be a rocket scientist. It was the same thing. Right, right. He didn't understand. We didn't understand each other.

But when I became, you know, Carrot Top and it all worked out, he was like, he would be number one fan. What was the first moment that your father was like, oh, wow, oh, shit. He came to a show where he was like, Jesus Christ. Like. Yeah. You're not funny. Like, you were really, I i had like it was like a big show in melbourne it was like 3 000 seat theater a really fancy theater in melbourne florida like packed at the king center you know and i it was sold out and you know my dad came back he's like he didn't have a word he didn't know what to say he's like i've never seen

you like who are you right i said i'm batman's like, I've never seen you. Like, who are you? Right. I said, I'm Batman. No, he said, I've never seen you. It was just like... Well... Because I was just a quiet kid. He'd never seen me starting out in comedy.

He never would come down and see me. How could they, though, right? They don't see the work. He wouldn't even come see me when I was in clubs. He didn't. And all of a sudden, I hit kind of big, and I saw you on The Tonight Show. You know, wow.

Yeah, and it really resonated. Yeah, it resonated. Like, you're on The Tonight Show. You know, wow. Yeah, and it really resonated. Yeah, it resonated. Like, you're on The Tonight Show. Well, who are we to our parents? That's a big thing. Who are we to our parents? It is weird. It does feel, you know.

And I played at the Chicago Theater for the first time. And Chicago's my home. My dad was like, they're all seeing you? Yeah, yeah. He's like, I hate you. You know what I mean? No, not like that. But he was like, why the fuck would they pay to see you

they're going to see you be an asshole on stage for an hour and you're like yeah and my asshole friends and I think it's hard because who we are to them is so different than it's like anything your sister your brother the way you see them my little sister is 32 in my mind she's 12

she'll never grow up to me. So it's the same with my parents. I feel the same way with my parents. Until you start buying them shit. And then they're like, wow, you're a grown-up. Here's a car. You're going to be nicer now? You're going to be a little bit nicer to me now?

I bought mom a fucking car. But it is, there are all those moments, I think, where even they go, oh, wow. I guess being a rocket scientist is my thing, and this has got to be his thing. That's what's weird about it. So my dad worked at NASA, rocket scientist. My brother went to the Air Force Academy. He became an F-16 fighter jet pilot. Holy shit.

That's the word of God. That's rad. And that's also one of my shows. I show my dad, I call him Pop Top. And then my brother Garrett, I call him Garrett Top. And then, and then there's a picture of me in like some AT&T commercial. I was a fucking retard. And I said, and then there's, there's me, you know, it's just the, I'm the black sheep, but the song comes on. And I'm like, I know. I said, my whole adopted life, literally, I tried to be a comedian. And my brother, you know, how do you follow that? Yeah.

My brother's in the Air Force Academy in an F-16. And I'm strapping a dildo onto a walker. Hey, look, it's Tommy Lee's walker, you know. So, yeah. Are you the only redhead? Well, it's just another thing when I was a kid, see. Yeah. So, we didn't have any redheads in the family.

My mom had blonde hair, like, ble blonde hair my dad brown hair brother blonde hair so I'd go to school and they'd say who has the red hair in the family at home and I'd say we have an iris setter and that was like my first joke probably right my first joke yeah and uh I it would get a laugh like well you know our dog, our dog has red hair. Me and my dog. And my mom was like, well, what are you? I said, well, then my mom would pick me up at school. And she has this blonde hair. Yeah. And they wouldn't let her drive me home from school because that's not my mom. Who's this woman abducting this boy?

Yeah, right. So my mom was like, no, I bleach my hair. And so I go back and said to my mom, she bleaches her hair. Well, don't tell them I bleach my hair. Well, now, you know, I can't win. So, yeah, it was weird. Speaking of, you have a lot of colors in your hair. You didn't...

I do. The orange... They start turning gray, and I just said, fuck it, I'm going to make it rainbow. That's the transition. Either redheads will either... It'll go gray, and they'll dye it. I still have some pretty good red left.

There's some red up there. Yeah, there's some red. And it's all mine, too. And it's dready, too. It's real dready. It's all dready, I know. Again, I'm not making as much money as you think i am what yeah i was just gonna say it dreads itself i don't dread it you never dread it you let it dread yeah but i need i get it

combed out every couple months so it needs to be combed out did you always want to do this show and then i'll get it combed yeah you will that's where you come to l.a to get your hair done yeah like a fancy boy no no i don't actually did you ever want to get a van go to Dr. Kevorkian in the parking lot of a van and he comes in is this what you've always wanted though? hair? yes you wanted it to be kind of I always had crazy hair

but now it's gotten I walked in and he said you got a little Johnny Depp going on what did he say? Captain Jack Sparrow so I get that a lot I do this little stupid little mustache yeah i don't know why it was you do know why no like you know i well no i didn't at first i grew up because i was uh i had to do something i it was i had to grow it and then i i grew it and i said oh is it covid

maybe i said oh i kind of liked it and then i grew the whole i didn't know i could grow hair in my whole face you shaved your whole life everything yeah I was a swimmer I still shave my whole body you still shave your whole body head to toe

I have people shave my whole body right how many people one or two there's a human there's like a team of people right a bunch of elderly women

come over and shave their body no younger you ought to clean up yeah so do you still swim yeah but not competitively but I still shave but you know what I mean yeah so um do you still swim yeah but not competitively but i still but you know what i mean like you still get them yeah yeah you swim laps yeah my grandpa

did till he died and he was always like swimming is the best it is he died of lung cancer what does he know about fucking health you know what i mean but the hair was always like yeah right yeah the hair thing was always like part of my innocence brand because because I drew a logo with this crazy hair and then, and then when I'm bored, I do whatever I want. My management, of course, gets mad. Like, you can't have purple and green and blue. Why? Well, because it's my brand.

Wait, go back because it's my brand. It's my brand. Yeah. So they hate it. They would still want red dominant. It'd be red hair. You're carrying something. So I was in the show

about two weeks ago and i went into the crowd to do my little touch the people and this lady's like i like your old wig better your old wig yeah and i just got a big laugh i said my old wig better i said this isn't i said this isn't a wig you know i like your old wig i said this is not a wig though either so she's pointing no the old one i said you like my old hair better it's not it's not a wig though you like my old hair better. She's like sure whatever you want to call your wig Yeah, she's like when it was just red. I don't like all this Do you get a lot of that like older women that are like? No some people like it some people do Some people are like why is your hair all not a wig? I have a four year old goddaughter. She's like your hair is weird

I said you're weird. Yeah. You know, you can't even earn money and buy stuff. Shut up. Right, right. Tiny person. Right, exactly. These tiny people judging us. When you start paying your taxes.

Yeah. Wait, when I start paying my taxes. What are you going to do? Yeah. No, you're lucky you're in Nevada, right? You guys get to save some of that money. A little bit. That's got to be kind of nice.

I live in Florida, too, huh? Two states. I was just going to say, you're evading the government. I no dummy go buy a house in texas too and and tennessee yeah i'm over here getting murdered and i love it dude california drained me just rip me off i'm gonna die broke and sad like every other actor and comedian but you'll have all your hair that's right well some of it we'll see until it all falls out, you know? When you go back, like, on... That's what you were going to say. When you go...

When you're dead. When you're dead. Yeah. Where do you want to die? No, when you go back to Vegas, does it make you happy the moment you fly back in? Or do you get anxiety that you're back doing the grind? No, I usually am when I go...

I mean, if I... After that week break. Oh. That solace break. After a week break, I'm actually ready to go back to... I always say I was trying mean if I after that week break oh that solace break after a week break I'm actually ready to go back to I always say

I was trying to be a rock star again I kind of enjoy like I go home to Florida and sit in my boat in my speedo and after about a week of that it's like you know what

I'm done yeah I mean it's fun I'm relaxed and now I want to write jokes I want to do all the jokes that I've been thinking I've been doing for a week right

I want to get back on stage I like being on stage. I love being in show business. I love being, I always say, you know, I always say we're rock, we're rock. We're not, I'm not a rock star, but I would say it's time to be a rock star again and get up there and, you know, put on. Put on the show. Yeah, and just get dressed for the show.

I like putting on the music and I'm putting on my nice stuff. I have a certain carrot top kind of thing I wear, and it's kind of... Well, I have to ask, when you do think of an idea of an invention, because that's the best way to say it, who's going to get all that shit? You got a crew of people? I usually have to do it myself because I know... Well, if I know specifically what I want to build,

they'll get the wrong stuff. I usually go, like, I'm just going to go pick it out. I can pick it out way quicker than anyone else. So I'm going to see you in Target going to pick it out. Oh, yeah. People see me all the time. There's a joke on my show where I was ringing up something. And it's something, I forget the joke now.

It's not in my show now, but it used to be. It was a doot, doot. And she'd look at me. She says, it was great, actually. It's a good prop. It's a mousetrap with a little mini mirror ball on it. A mirror? Oh, right, right, right.

Attached to it. It's a mirror ball on a little mousetrap. So it's a mousetrap to catch gay mice. So like Lady Gaga, it kills. I mean, really honestly, I did it on like every TV show I think I possibly could do it on. Yeah. So I said, you know, and I think that was when Gary Shannon was like, God damn, that's funny.

Like, what the fuck? How do you come up with this shit? And I said, well, the funny part is I buy it. So I'm at the Target, and she's like, dude, dude. She's like, I said, what? She's like, is this going to be one of your jokes in your show? And I said, yeah. What's it going to be?

I said, it's going to be a gay rat trap. And she's like, I said, it's going to kill, lady. It's going to kill. But, yeah, it is fun seeing people's reactions. As you're making it? Yeah. Or I'm going to, I used to, on the road, we'd see, like, garage sales and whatnot. And I'd be like, oh, God, stop the bus.

Stop the bus. Like, anytime you see a yard sale, you got to stop. Go find new shit. Oh, dude, I could get 10 minutes. So Dan and Tosh and I did a whole bit one time where I wrote, you got to stop. Go find new shit. Oh, dude, I could get 10 minutes. Dan and Tosh and I did a whole bit one time where I wrote like 10 minutes. At a garage. At a yard sale. Yeah.

And I literally just, I just, I said, this is a, look at this. And I just came up with like 10 minutes of shit, you know. Just from one garage sale. One was a plate. It was a, well, they had all these plates. And they had a little mini toilet. And he was like, what are you going to come up with? I said, I don't know.

Give me a second. Can't rush this. I said, it's a plate for bulimics. I put the plate and the toilet together so you could eat and throw up and eat and throw up. I remember doing that. And so many shows, then one time we did it, one show, and they're like, Jesus Christ, you can't do that. But we could, though. I was like, the Tonight Show was right down the street

I would do all these jokes back in the day that's what's weird about comedy like if I go back and look at my entire career there's thousands of things

that I've done that now would be doomed or it would just be deemed like what? It's just a sign of the times

Right but I go back and I still do a thing in the show sometimes I haven't done it in a while usually road shows I'll say, but I go back and I still do a thing in the show sometimes. I haven't done it in a while. Easy road shows. I'll say, we're going to go back and do Carrot Classics. And I do this whole back in time thing.

And I pull out all this old shit that I did that a lot of fans, no one's going to remember. It's 30 years ago. But they're still relevant. Like the plate for bulimics or the game mousetrap or the uh skinny jeans for fat guys or whatever the it is people are like they howl because it's like it's still relevant it was like this is 30 years old you know do you still there's a bill clinton podium where the head came up on a foot pedal it was brilliant that's good do you ever want to lay it down like you ever want to lay down the hits and do a special of just all the yeah i think so

yeah i should that would be funny actually yeah in fact that'd be a good approach to do it i want 10 to do to do to do kind of a throwback i think that's the move and do it like do it even shoot in black and white well because seinfeld did it right seinfeld did all my old he's did like all his old stuff like what was the name of that special that he did was i'm telling you one more time oh that's great and he did kind of like his i love him and then. I love him. And then I think that's like, you know. I just saw him not long ago and he just made me laugh so good. Seinfeld? Yeah.

He's just so, he's such a, he's just. He's a comic, comic, comic. He's a comic, comic. He walks out in the first 20 minutes, I'm like, I can't breathe. Yeah. And I'm a comic. Yeah. He said something to somebody.

Why aren't we here? Well, we tried to get here. We get here and we try to get, and then we found And then we find out we want to get out of here. Can you imagine if he was given the wrong address to this location? My God. I'd never hear the end of that. Somebody told me, and I can't remember. Well, no.

I do. Somebody had said they had a conversation. Seinfeld has better people, by the way, than me. That's why. That's for sure. That's why I rubbed it on. So do I. So I have the wrong address.

A friend said, when people say, when do you want to die? Like, when do you want to die? Like, when do you want to die? And like, you know, there's a, there's an idea when somebody says, oh,

and I live to be a hundred. It's like, oh God, it's, you know, like you, you, you think you deserve to live to be a hundred or whatever.

And Seinfeld was in a conversation with someone I know and had said something to the effect of, look, I look at life as like, um, as terms or cycles. Right. And he's like, I really like like this cycle i'd like this one to last a long time we've all gone through different cycles and terms or different different like uh

you know versions of the ride and he's like this one's pretty he's had a good run yeah well what he's saying is like you know i'm sure there's moments where he felt that it was down and and not you know like not humming the way he wanted it. And then he comes back up and then he kind of disappears. Well, yeah, he did. Yeah. That show became a hit. It was a failure.

Yeah. No, it's like that one. Yeah, yeah. They didn't want to do it. They turned it down. But he was like, this is, I want to, I think I want this cycle to last quite a while. So that is the idea of like when you say you don't want to retire, it's the same idea. You're like, why?

I'm humming. So that is the idea of like when you say you don't want to retire, it's the same idea. You're like, why? I was going to say I have a piece of napkin and it's very similar to kind of what Seinfeld is probably saying, I think. You can help me analogy this. I was in an airport bar or whatever you call those things. Airport bar probably. Not a bar. It was like a lounge. Lounge. Centurion lounge.

Oh, you were in one of the fancy lounges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't allow people with this look. They don't. They. It was like a lounge. Lounge. Centurion Lounge. Oh, you were in one of the fancy lounges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't allow people with this look. They don't. They always care it's up your okay. Yeah. Come on in. Yeah.

What do you mean you don't have a ticket? We don't normally let people in like you. Can you stay in the back away from the people? Near a comb. So I see Buddy Hackett and I'm like, holy fuck. Like, Buddy Hackett. Like, I gotta say hello to this guy. And that's how it started.

Someone said, all the comedians are here. So I said, who else is here? And they said, Buddy Hackett, you know, and I was like, fuck. So I walked over and I said, no, it's fine. That's Buddy Hackett calling me. Is that Buddy calling me? It's Buddy's people. Yeah.

So I just walked over and I said, Buddy, I don't want to bother you. And he says, you know, he said something like a. You already did. Yeah. Well, it's too late. Right. They always have this good, you know, Don Rickles. Sorry to bother you, Don.

Well, it's too late, huh? So I walked over to him and I just said, you know, my God, I'm a comic. I just want to say hi. He says, oh, you're a comic. And his assistant, his caretop, he says, oh, yeah. He says, I'm going to gonna give and he was literally just i'm gonna give you some advice and i was thinking okay give me a napkin get a napkin he wrote down gave it to me he said good luck and i thought maybe he's fucking with me but i think he was

being honest the thing i haven't framed because it says buddy hacking on it he said the key to the treasure is the treasure and i've had it for 30 years and i always i tell people that they go was he drunk i said no i don't think he's drunk i think what he meant by that what sonville said the key to the treasure what's now the key to what you have is now like the key to the treasure is this yeah and that was cool like the key to life is life this. Yeah. And that was cool. Like the key to life is life. Like enjoy it. Enjoy it now. Yeah.

Yeah. Because when it's over, it's over. The key to the treasure is the treasure. You're always searching for the treasure and you have it. You're in the treasure. Right. Stop. Oh, you're right.

Stop looking for it. Yeah. The key to this whole thing is the treasure. What do you say to people that are hunting for gold or buried treasure? That's tough. Yeah. Buddy Hackett didn't think about that. Guys that are looking for gold right now, that's a tough cut.

That was a good... It is a nice deep cut from Buddy Hackett. Although it would be very funny if we found out he was just seen out, didn't really know what he was writing. No, yeah, true. Probably was. No, I think that's a meaningful quote. I think he was very sincere. It was a pretty cool quote.

There's too many with people, but Carlin, I was very, it was a pretty cool quote. The other, there's too many with people but Carlin, I was very lucky as a comic to get to know him towards the end when he was playing at the MGM, the same room I played and I went to,

I was there a night early so I stayed backstage and watched his set and he was one of those, I don't know, he was just not having a good time. He was not happy. He wasn't enjoying the set? I don't think so. was just not having a good time. He was not happy. He wasn't enjoying the set?

I don't think so. He seemed just, now this is, Carlin, towards the end, he was just a little angry but he seemed even a little bit more angry,

right? And I was watching it and the crowd just, I don't know. I remember he said something to the, it was that night he kind of said,

you know, I said like, you know what, I'm going to come to your job and stare at you for a fucking hour something something that he wouldn't normally say because he's always just on it so I'm like so he gets done he said something too like uh let's never meet like this again and walked off

yeah and uh I think I stole that one night I I says, never meet like this again, at least in this same seating. If we all in the same, let's move around. But then he walked off and he came up to me. And I was like, I didn't want to get out of the way because I don't think he wanted to see anybody, especially me. Yeah. And he came off and his assistant, the carrot tops here. And he looks over in the dark and he says, how much, you see my set? I said, yeah.

He says, how much you see? I said, no, what part you see? I said, the good part. The whole part was good part or something. He said, the good part? So you didn't see any of it. I said, no, it was great. He goes, no, it wasn't.

I said, it wasn't good? He says, when do you start here? I said, tomorrow. How many shows do you do i said i do one every night i do two on saturday and he goes why do you do two on saturday and i just said i just said it like in a funny way i said that i get i said my manager has a car payment and he kind of laughed and he goes no why did why the fuck you did two shows on saturday i said well i don't know if i fuck one, I get a second shot at the next one.

And he looked at me. He took a step, and he looked back at me, and he says, never ever fucking say that again. And I said, what? He said, never ever give the audience the upper hand on what you fucking do, ever. You do your shit. You do it how you do it.

If they don't fucking get it, they're too fucking stupid. Fuck them. You do you. And I said, okay, Mr. Carlin. He said, did you follow that? I said, yeah. And he walked by, walked to his dress room.

And I looked at his manager and I said, well, that went well. And he said, oh, that went great. No, he's going to want to hang out with you. I said, I'm going to go. No, no, no, no, no. No, he's going to want to hang out with you. Yeah. I said, I'm going to go. No, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, My props. He talked about how I write or do I have writers or do I get tired on the road or how do I keep my strength? Do you look good?

But we didn't talk really much about that night. Sure. We talked a little bit about comedy, but he loved my act. He knew it. Unless they briefed him because I didn't tell him I was coming. He said, yeah, the fucking asthma inhaler for New Year's Eve. That's fucking great. It was an asthma thing with a party favor.

So you could still blow your favorite. He liked the clever parts. He's like, that's fucking good. It's really good. I like the paper cups and string shit with the call waiting. It's fucking clever. I was like, oh, fuck, that's cool. That is very cool.

Yeah, it's cool. I'm coming from Carlin. Yes. The guy in Iowa. Yeah, it's cool. I'm coming from Carlin. Yes. Says, you know, the guy in Iowa thinks I'm shit. Well. And he does. That gave me, like, energy for 30 years. Right.

After that one conversation. That was his last show in the room, in the MGM room? I think it was one of the last ones that he did. That's why he was upset, huh? No, no. It wasn't the last performance he did. I think he was just wrapping up his run there. He had done more.

Do you have writers, by the way? No. It's all you. I wish I had. I used to... I bounce things off people. But no, I mean, once in a while my crew will say, hey, you should do something like...

I'll come up with something like the Barbie joke, and they'll say, oh, you should add like... Right. So it's good. It's a good joke. Because a lot of guys, I feel like your generation, a lot of guys in your generation had a lot of writers. I wish... No, I... Like your peers, a lot of guys in your generation had writers.

No. Like your peers, who was the guys that you'd say you came up with, so to speak? You know, our class. You know, they say your class or whatever. Well, besides like Larry the Cable Guy, it's funny because the guys that, like those guys that were in Florida,

no one had writers. I mean, we're all, you know. Dan, I think, has a few writers now, but Dan didn't have writers back then. I don't think... Unless you got to be really big and successful, you'd hire writers. I didn't have... Larry Miller,

he wrote everything. He'd write in a comma, a pause. Brilliant. He's like Seinfeld. Right.ulous you said you mentioned shanley a few times you did larry sanders yeah i mean was that because of your relationship with him that he was like i want to throw you on the show no they asked me to be on the roast episode where everybody dude everyone was on this fucking thing right oh my god i my God. It threw on the world. Oh, no, I mean, like, Mel Brooks and, like, every... John Stewart, Bill Maher, everyone. And I was the last guy.

Again, a joke, punchline. But I killed, so it was funny, it was backfired. So they had everybody come up and do their roast on Larry Sanders. Mm-hmm. And they said, now your special guest Carrot Top and I came out had the little prop trunk

behind the the the the dais yeah what do you call it dais

and I just started doing all my shit and it was killed I mean every I mean

all these comics that I'm like oh my god I'm like sitting next to Bill Maher and Dennis Miller. They're all fucking laughing. And then you got Mel Brooks just like losing his shit.

And they come over after the taping and Carl Reiner comes over and he says, where the fuck are you? Where are you performing? I said, everywhere. He's like, this is brilliant. I said, oh, thanks. Like, being funny, he's like, no, this is like vaudeville meets, like, this is crazy.

Who do you write this stuff? I said, I do. He's like, what? That was like the very first time, those kind of times where I was like, that's kind of cool. Yeah. Like Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner

put their arm around me and say, you're fucking a genius okay well for those guys vaudeville stuff was yeah they just they couldn't understand where i came from and how it was so raw it was all current events too it was all things whatever topics that were happening like sure trump now or biden's dog or whatever the fuck it would be you would be you don't know right it'd be huge okay it'd be huge I can't it's actually not bad with my voice

yeah that's pretty good with that it's good huge do you do Trump at your show yeah just a little

just that I do one word I go I do like where he breathes he goes and then gets a laugh and that's all I do he does

I said it's a you can't always hear that guy breathe yeah all the time and it gets the biggest laugh. I go... And then I say, you know where Trump got his moves from?

Pee Wee Herman. And we showed the video side by side where Pee Wee Herman was going... Oh, yeah. And that's where it's fucking killed. Tequila. Yeah. I mean, he's going like that.

And you see Trump going... It's the same fucking thing. Paul Rubin and Trump both accused of a lot of the same stuff. The last time they booed, they didn't boo me, but they got ooh-meed because I said, I'm running for president. It's just going to be of a lot of the same stuff. Last night they didn't boo me, but they got ooh-meed because I said, I'm running for president.

It's just going to be me and Trump on the same ticket. It's going to be the Trump ticket. I have all these lights on my show. I have these police lights that I never use. So I thought, I need to use these goddamn things. I used to do a cops bit where I'd have the sirens going. I would lay on the ground like an episode of Cops. Like, what's going on? I don't even know.

So I changed it. Last night I said, it's the Trump top ticket, okay? Indicted but united. And the lights come on. And they kind of booed it a little bit. I said, I'm just kidding. Boop? Really?

Boo? Not boob, but like ood. Ood. Oody. Oody. I was going to. I always call it a. Do you have someone open the show for you?

Yeah, Bill Cosby. Cosby opens. Yeah. He usually closes, to be honest with you. Cosby opens. Yeah, he usually closes, to be honest with you. Yeah. He usually closes. He does.

Right? He's back out, man. They let him out. This guy. Yeah, I don't know. All you do is you take a little piece. He's going to tour with Spacey,

I think. Just a little piece of space and put it in there. They don't know. So no one opens the show. You go straight out and do an hour. My Trump's better than my Cosby,

as you can tell. Yeah. No, I have a guy that warms up the crowd a little bit, gets them all going. Same guy for the whole time? I've had different ones, but Rob's been with me for a bit.

And see, Rob's fun because Rob is, like, I'm the silly, fun guy that just, you know, I come out and I'm pretty silly. I mean,

I'm not edgy. Right. I don't think, but he's, like, crowd works. He does a lot of crowd work. Yeah, he's a dick.

Like, basically, to everybody. Where'd you find this? In Vegas, he was working there, and I said, you're like, perfect for me, because I don't want silly before me. I want something, like, to warm him up and get him all angry. So when I come up, so it's perfect. You're like, I want someone to piss my audience off.

He works the crowd. He just picks on everybody the whole, you know, Jesus Christ, you're having fun, how old are you, 17, 17, Jesus Christ.

He just gives away shit. Sure. When I come out, it's like, oh, it's fine. It's more light. Yeah, it's fine. I've been a little edgy

because I do my tromping and they don't know what to do. We got a guy here, Rick Ingram. I don't know if you know who that is, but he's a phenomenal comic. Yeah, he does a ton of crowd work. That's kind of his specialty

and Rock saw him loved him and he's been opening for Rock on the past tour that he did there was a guy of course for the Tonight Show when I did that

some fuck I don't know how many times I did 30 some times right down the street I drove by I'm like oh my gosh you do the Tonight Show all the time right at the studio

Carson too? right just missed Carson you just missed him no two weeks I was on two weeks after carson left no way good but you're still in the studio so they're still still the same gold star so you're standing on the fucking johnny carson star so pretty cool but the uh the guy that that wrote

and uh helped with jay leno for all the jimmy brogan he's probably maybe watching this jimmy's a hey jim j, great, brilliant comic. Yeah. All he would do, and he was crowd work, so he'd tell me a story one time. He goes, I asked, God, I went to get him to an audition. The guy brought me into his office, and the guy's like, I really like you,

and maybe think for the part. You do comedy, right? And Jimmy says, yeah. He says, do you mind, just do a little bit of your act. So he looked at the guy, he says, right? And Jimmy says, yeah. He says, just do a little bit of your act. So he looked at the guy and he says, where are you from? The guy's like, what's that? He says, where are you from? He says, I'm from Los Angeles. He goes,

how long have you been in Los Angeles? And he's like, finally the guy's like, what are we doing? He says, I'm doing my act. It was great. But how Jimmy did it was so funny. He just says, where are you from? How long have you been? How many kids you got? How are you doing? He's like, what the fuck? the fuck are you interviewing me that's my act yeah you want to see it you got it yeah do you do do you do a lot of corporates like will you try no more huh

i wouldn't say don't i just don't i don't i don't know if they get if they ask me to do them i did one one time speaking of coffee for starbucks and my god it was like seven I don't know thousand or more maybe twenty thousand people at this big big huge convention thing for Starbucks and I'm like

kind of nervous because there's a lot of people yeah sometimes it's good with a lot of people because the majority you're gonna kill if you bomb with twenty thousand

it's really bad and it's Starbucks not only did I kill but they're fucking first thing I say is you guys are wired this crowd was like they're all on Starbucks thing I said is, you guys are wired. This crowd was like, they're all on Starbucks.

They were just like, fuck you. It couldn't have been a better show. But I was so nervous. Then I did one for Budweiser, and they were horrible. I said, you know, by the way, not to tell you guys suck as an audience, but I worked for Starbucks one time when I fucking killed. You guys work in beer, and you're lame.

Right. They're all quiet. They were just quiet and worried to laugh. I'm next to them. I said, it's going to be okay gonna be okay you get through it though those things you just well scientifically to do that one is that one special we talked about when he went into the interview right before he goes on for a corporate and he's in a tent it's that last special he did we're in it's a dvd whatever and they're interviewing him and he says uh are you ready he's like any any gig that starts in a tent is already yeah yeah and he's right and he already set himself up for disaster yeah but he just how he said it it's gonna be a good show you know we're in a tent yeah anytime you start in a tent it's not gonna be that great do you ever do you ever come and pop by and do like a store spot

like would you ever i used to do something like that back in the – yeah, I used to make a joke. I'd say I have a guest set and it was a little box that I could bring up and just do all my like – all the small props, the gay mousetrap and the thing. And it'd kill because I would just walk up and do 10 minutes. It was all in this little box. No, no longer. And I'd bring all the greatest hits. No, I should do that again because the crowd loved it. They were like, you know, 10 minutes. It was all in this little box. No, no longer. I'd bring all the, you know, greatest hits. No, I should do that again because the crowd loved it.

They were like, you know, Karen's not going to let me do it. Why wouldn't you? What would hold you back? You're like, I'm busy. Nothing. No, no, nothing. I just, you know, I would do it. I should do it.

Yeah. I think while you're in L.A. The improv, God, I used to do, of course, back before, you know, I do those all the time. Bud, God bless him. He always gave me time. Like, always. He let me work those all the time uh bud god bless him he he always gave me time like always let me work there all the time um the the shore mitzi short not really much did i work the comedy store often really but i never really asked either i was like back then when i started it was like you're the store guy or the improv guy and then you could sneak in and do jamie's club you know

but you were buddies with a lot of store guys, right? Oh, yeah. Well, Pauly. Yeah. And you knew Kinnison, right? Kinnison, I knew. I mean, we're best buds,

but I knew him, you know. But it is funny to think, like, you knew a lot of the guys that were embedded in that system, but it just wasn't your... Yeah, no, it wasn't my... No, and I never really asked to do sets there a lot.

It was kind of like, eh, it wasn't my... Was it her? Because she's a little... No, I don't think she ever said no to me. I just think, you know, I did the... He was so nice to me, and I think one time I did the store, and they were like, you know, you're an improv.

It was almost like, which is weird, it's almost like when I was doing the Leno stuff, I couldn't do Letterman because I was a Leno guy. So we called Letterman, and they said, you're a Leno guy. I said, I never said I was a Leno guy. I was going to do what I could do. They would label me that. I did Letterman a few times, but it was always like, you know, you're a Leno guy. Just going to do what I can do. They would label me that. Right.

I did Letterman a few times, but it was always like, you know, you're a Leno guy. I'm like, well, no, I'm a mini guy.

I can do Kimmel. I can do, why can't I, but it was weird back then. You were, you couldn't do. Well, those guys had to do,

they drew the line in the sand. Unless you were, right. And unless you were Seinfeld, you could definitely do both. Sure. Because they wanted you. But like,

someone like me, they're like, no, I was on that show so many times. They were just like, you're the Carrot Top guy. You're on Leno every night. Well, the Tonight definitely do both because they wanted you. But like someone like me, they're like, no, I was on that show so many times. They were just like, you're the Carrot Top guy. You're on Leno every night.

Well, the Tonight Show was what you did. It was definitely great for me. I mean, Jesus, they gave me 38 spots

or something of that nature. You think that's one of the things that probably helped you the most with like your rise? Well, a little. No, I think I was aggressive.

You know, mine was a mixture of everything, which was weird. I did, you know, I did all the the evening at the improvs and all the comedy those mtv half hour all the everything that was on tv at the time which is weird there's a lot of tv uh comedy shows back sure sunday comics was the first primetime one so it came out on fox at eight o'clock so you did that one it was like oh we, got a primetime boost. Then you do The Tonight Show. And that was like, you know, evening.

It was huge. But then I do Regis and Kathie Lee. So the Regis and Kathie Lee was like 9 a.m. So I would, it's hard to look back on it, but that's what I was doing. I was doing like colleges, Regis and Kathie Lee, The Tonight Show, MTV, Cartoon Network. So I had every demographic that would see Carrot Top.

Yeah, you played my college last night. And they're like, he was on Regis this morning with old people. And then on The Tonight Show with dildo jokes. So it was like interesting MTV crowd. So I would have all the demographics kind of. Touching all the bases. Yeah, digging it in a sense. And then I got the AT&T commercials.

And that was like, that's what made you just, you know, huge. It was like, I would say equivalent of doing like whatever those ones are now that come on every eight seconds. My commercial would come on every eight seconds. I don't care where I was. Fuck. Goddamn. I could be in a bar, an airplane, in a goddamn fucking AT&T commercial.

That's where you got paid, though. You used to get paid for those. I got paid okay, but it was the publicity. The exposure. Exposure. So what would happen, I was huge.

I couldn't walk down the street with people saying, Jesus Christ, fucking character. But I remember being in a mall in like, I don't know, Minnesota. The Mall of America or something. Oh, yeah. On my ninth mile, trying to get to the gap, the third gap.

Uh-huh. And this lady, people were like, Carrot Top. And I said, yeah, what are you doing in Minneapolis? And I said, oh, I'm doing a show at the theater tonight. And they said, a show? Like a phone show? And I remember I put it in my act for years. I said, a phone show?

And they go, yeah. I said, yeah show and they go yeah I said yeah it's about it's all about dialing come down there early they only knew me as this phone guy they didn't know I was a comedian they thought I was a phone guy aren't you just a phone guy yeah people would come to my shows and I'd say people have no idea

that I'm a comedian like a third of the crowd I said I mean people dialed Like a third of the crowd. I said, I mean, people dialed in the center of the wedding, fuck off. And they would all clap,

you know. That's like the advent But they were huge. They did like 700 of those commercials. Whatever, 700, 70 of them. A lot.

We did more than Bill Cosby's Jell-O. That's all I remember. Because that was like the day on the set. Like, we just did more than Bill Cosby's Jell-O.

Everyone. Yeah. To AT&T. We beat them. To collect calls. And then they, this is funny, my friend,

a comedian, said, I just got, I had an audition for AT&T just two days ago. I said, audition.

Recently. Yeah, I just said, isn't there like a strike going on? Yeah. He said, I said, what are they doing?

He said, they're doing a commercial and they want me to be in roller roller skates on the beach and i said really that's interesting i said hold on a second murray's i got my phone out and i googled carrotop at&t roller skates boom comes up i said like this he's like what is said, my AT&T commercial. That's how lame these fucking people are. They're going to go back and write the same fucking thing

I did 30 years ago. Well, it costs them less money. It's going to be a different, it's not going to be a collect call. Isn't that funny? I'm like, like that?

He's like, holy shit. It's the same shit. Same exact money and he had a striped t-shirt and knee pads and shorts and a rollerblade

and a helmet. That's exactly it. Well, you know, that's what they did. They just dug in the vault. They were like, what can we just do again? Of course they did. Yeah, I just thought it was funny.

They'll bring back the Budweiser frogs soon. But I just thought it was funny. Yeah, well, they're going to bring back everything. Yeah. I'm surprised they didn't already have a Barbie movie. Spuds McKenzie, that'll come back. Spuds McKenzie will be back, yeah. What will the Budweiser frogs say?

Not Budweiser. What will they say? Come on. He's set up. He used to be Budweiser. Yeah, what will it say now? We're all sued. We're all done.

Transgender. Transgender. That's great. That's really good. No, you know what? That's so funny. It's like they do recycle their, like you see the same things, and sometimes my mind goes, have I seen this shit before?

Oh, yeah, 1970. They just redid it. Even like that, I just said it last night. This is weird. We were backstage with my crew. Someone said, some guy walked in and had a knee brace on his knee somewhere yesterday. I said, what happened to your knee? He said, oh, fuck.

It was pickleball. I said, pickleball? He goes, yeah. I said, pickleball? And he goes, yeah. You play? I said, no. And he's like, oh.

I said, wait, is it like ping pong? Pickleball? He said, yeah. I said, how did you hurt your knee playing pickleball he's oh fuck it was violent so then i said my friend was like i said is pickleball new or old what do you think it's old that's what i said yeah right i said no no it's new it happened during covet i said no pickleball is like 1968 or something 70 70s. And they said, nope. And I said, look it up. And they looked it up. It's been around since the 60s. Yeah, I feel like I remember pickleball.

I'm like, pickleball is not new. I've seen it at the beach for years and years and years. Guys usually play at the beach. Yeah, it's not new. It just hit because... It just hit again because they couldn't do anything. Correct. It's a thing to do outside.

And also... Masturbation, by the way, is coming back. It is. If pickleball can come back. Yeah. Well, no, but they're changing the way you do it. That's how I hurt my knee, by the way. Is jerking off?

Yeah. Unbelievable. I do it in a really weird way. Stop using the crest of your knee to jerk off. I have a weird way to do it. I want to say this. I really want to thank you for coming on the show. It means a lot to me.

Thanks. It was a cool moment for me when they were like, oh, I think Carrot Top's going to be in LA if we can have him on the show. And I'll tell you why. You have taken the hit with grace in the way that you were talking about the family guy stuff. And I think there's something really strong to be said about you continuing to have a successful career and not taking yourself serious and not being kind of indignant about all the bullshit and being, I don't know, and still being successful and fun and a very nice and cool person from what I know. So I think that it says a lot, it speaks volumes about you and it will do for the rest of

time. Cause if you are able to like kind of make fun of yourself or let the thing be a part of you, able to like kind of make fun of yourself or let the thing be a part of you i think then you beat the shit very well said i think that's one reason why uh i think people dig it because i i do i do my shit my whole show is as you know comedy is self-deprecating but my whole show is that i mean literally from beginning to end with sprinkled and other but people always say this show like i love how you pick on everyone including yourself yourself. I said, well, that's how I got into this. I mean, I was red hair and freckles in a beach town. Yeah. The fuck?

I mean, I wanted to be a blonde surfer. I didn't want to be a redheaded fucking kid. Yeah. And so I got picked on my whole life. And then when I got into comedy, I got picked on in my adult life. And I'm still, so I think you're right. That's the only reason it's worked

is because it's a joke on a joke. It's joking. It's all, it's all, it's fun. And if you're right, if it did hurt,

I'd probably be a really mean, bitter person. Sure. So it makes it fun. You're like, you know what? Yeah, okay. And people say,

oh, you're laughing all the way to the bank. Well, no, I'm not laughing all the way to the bank. You're just kind of giggling. Somebody else goes to the bank for you.

You're kind of giggling along the way. Yeah. Giggling along the way. Giggling along the way. Laughing. You're just kind of giggling. Well,. Yeah. Giggling along the way. Laughing. You're just kind of giggling. Well, if the fans want us to continue to show love,

they can see you six nights a week. Yeah, six nights a week. Next year, I guess maybe if you do tour, we'll get to see you outside of Vegas if you tour again. Yes, I hope we plan to. But go see Carrot Topic at the lecture caretop and i had to do and all you had to do was ask to be on the i didn't have you just asked that's right i said yes i didn't yeah and you say and you say yes and you said something earlier i'm gonna leave you in this because it's

pretty funny only because it's about comedy and it's about how to is that how you got on the show something you said earlier what's that is that how you got on the show, the other show? And I said no. On Larry Sanders. Larry Sanders. Yeah. So this is how I ended up on Bill Maher's show. This is great. So I go, it's the HBO, the guy that was the president of HBO

at the time. I don't know how I got invited to this. Everyone was, again, was there. This is one of those things looking back, it's like,

all of HBO, anyone that was on HBO at the time was there. Was it Sopranos era? Yes. Maybe. So Robin, wait, I mean, back it's like all of hbo anyone that was on hbo at the time was there was the sopranos era yes maybe so i'm robin way i mean everyone's at this and every table's you know it's the ones where they have like 13 people at each big round table and robin williams and bill clinton was i mean everyone was there i go to the bathroom because it's a bathroom break. I just get up and I go in and there's like bathroom stalls, urinals, and I see like Casey Kasem. This is weird.

Like Casey Kasem. Casey Kasem. Right next to me, right? So Casey Kasem is an open stall. Larry King with the suspenders. Oh, yeah. And like so many celebrities in the stall and i was like i so i waited casey caseman just and and also now there's a one opens up so i sit next to casey caseman peeing and i

remember just looking at him like you know every comic has to do a casey caseman you know coming in at number five and i i'm laughing because i'm like i do a a Casey Kasem impression when I started out. And then Bill Maher comes into the urinal next to me to start to pee. I'm just laughing and just, you know, Casey Kasem next to me. It's just funny. I look over and I see Bill Maher. I'm like, holy fuck. It's like Bill Maher is peeing next to me. And I didn't know what to do, so I just said,

that's a nice penis. And he said what i said just saying since i've been in here that's the nicest penis i've seen and he just fucking lost his mind and he's you know that bill maher laugh where he just he just looks at me and he's just laughing and he washes his fucking leaves and i'm like well that's good i made him laugh that worked yeah i walked out to go back to my table and i think i'm sitting with whoopi goldberg or whoever fucking sit in my table and um i see bill maher still laughing and telling everybody's table this thing and he looks over and he's looking at me and he's like come here my fuck says come here so i walked over i said hey tell him what you just did i said you just. I don't need to tell him again.

He said, this guy just, I said, and it's not, for those of you who know Bill, it's not the nicest penis. I said, it's a little nicer than Casey Kasem.

That's all I meant. And he was like, you want to be in my show? And I said, yeah. He says, how about tomorrow? And I said,

I could do tomorrow. And then it was on the next day. Holy shit. Politically incorrect. That's great. Can you do tomorrow? So any young comic, if you want to be in a show just yeah talk about something have a nice dick and you might get it i really wanted you to say the case in case i'm coming in

at number one coming out at number one piss it's so great okay listen we end the show the same way you look at that camera right there yeah and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode it used to be a word and then people people were like, I don't know. So you can say a phrase of wisdom. It can be funny. Whatever you want, one word or a phrase whenever you're ready into that camera. God, one word? One word or a phrase.

Some people like a word. Some people like to say a piece of wisdom or a piece of knowledge or something like let the treasure be the treasure. But you decide. Yeah. Have fun in life. You get one chance. Fuck a hot one.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.