Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Chloe Radcliffe Joins The Show! | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: February 27, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger — a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and actor Chloe Radcliffe for a sharp, funny conversation about stand-up, finding your voice, and what happens when your real personality becomes the act. They talk writing jokes that actually connect, the ups and downs of performing, and Chloe’s role in the upcoming Bradley Cooper film Is This Thing On? — plus comedy insecurities, confidence, and learning how to trust your instincts on stage. 🌐 Chloe Radcliffe tour dates & info: https://www.chloeradcliffe.com📱 Follow Chloe: @chloebadcliffe In this episode:• Balancing stand-up and acting• The making of Is This Thing On?• Santino and Chloe talk bombing, confidence, and finding your rhythm• Why honesty still works best in comedy Drop a comment with your favorite moment from the episode. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #ChloeRadcliffe #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #Comedians Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave series. Hey, out there. I'm running around a little bit. The bad friends, by the way, are going to be in Sacramento, California, March 14th. It's actually Lincoln, but it's right next door to Sacramento. One and the same. Then, at the end of March, come see me at the Win Casino in Las Vegas.

Viva, Las Vegas. Come out and see me at the Win Casino, March 21st. Then I'm at the Little Roadie Fest out there in Providence, Rhode Island, in end of March. I do the Borgado. That's the make-up date. Atlantic City, the Borgata Atlantic City, April 3rd, and then the bad friends do what's likely to be our final show of the year together at the YouTube Theater here in Los Angeles, California for the Netflix as a joke fest. All those tickets are available at Andrew Santino.com. Once again, that's Andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like badhers, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's are beautiful. You only $5 for the Westport. Ginger's all hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Jr. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth.

I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it is Chloe, the movie star. Radcliffe! Yeah. A movie star. Yeah, that was on my birth certificate actually. Bonafide movie star. Yeah, yeah.

How do you feel about that? Weird, really strange. Really strange. Handpicked out of the comedy seller by Bradley Cooper. himself. The coop went down and he goes, I know exactly who I'm picking. Jordan Jensen and you.

Just the two of us. I met a bunch of others. That are great. It's kind of just you guys. Yeah, we are, we're the ladies. We're the girls. Yeah, you're the girls in the movie. Yeah, yeah. That's great. Did you love the movie? Yeah, oh, it's, I, we saw it the day before it premiered at the New York Film Festival and I went into that so nervous. You know, I've not seen a cut.

I don't know if I'm in the movie. Oh, you think you might have been sliced out? Not really, but like, you don't know. I don't know. I've heard all sorts of shit. Hollywood is weird. Disaster artist. Yeah, that's right. I got cut out of that completely. Thank you, McCone. So you know how it feels. I've been cut out my whole career, dude. That's why I quit. I quit the biz. I'm out. And are you for real? I think so. Do we think so? No? Why? I'm out. No, I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, no, I am out. Because you're just sick of the feeling of going, please, Somebody else put me in? No, Hollywood. I've been doing it for 20 years. Hollywood stinks. Everyone in it's a phony stinker. I just got over it. I just got over it.

I'm just early enough that I'm like, come on, let me take advantage of those phony stinkers. Come over here, phony stinkers. Let me get my little claws into them. No, no, it's okay. It's, it was fun. And if you get in something that is meaningful to you, that's when it's a home run. Like, you got to do something in your world. Yeah.

That's perfect. Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, to like, to already know the area that we're, you know, we shot at the cellar and like to already know the world. All, we shot in McDougal. Oh, we didn't shoot in Village Underground, but McDougal, Fat Black. McDougal's the best. I mean, that's my favorite. I mean, they're all great, but I mean, there's something about that room that just makes me feel like I'm in a time machine every time I go there.

Yeah. You know? And you can see someone watching you to the hallway. Totally. It's exactly what a movie about stand-up. Being in that room, you're like, this is what people move to New York thinking that stand-up is. This is what the movie that plays in our head of what our dream is going to be looks like. And so now there's a movie that looks like what the dream movie.

Like your dream. A little Minnesota girl. Just a tiny little sweet Minnesota girl. And she said, Mom, Dad, I'm moving to the city. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. And you moved to the city And all your dreams came true What's left? You're done

Check out God, everybody in my life My boyfriend and my best friends Who have to listen to me Be like, I'm a failure I'm a big fat fucking failure And nothing's ever gonna happen for me again And what has happened

Has happened is not been enough for me And I have and nobody knows who I am And everything is falling apart Would love to listen to you say Well listen to you, listen to you're done Cash out, baby Your boyfriend is in the business too know. He's a stand-up, a very funny stand-up, but

even beyond that, he owns a production company, and he is a director of live specials and, like, live shows that then are taped, whether it's stand-up or other versions of live shows, but he's shot over 100 stand-up specials. He's done six for Netflix. He just

directed and produced James A-Casters on HBO that came out last year. I... Love that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I think that I happen to be dating the best stand-up special director in the world, working right now. So it's like really nice to be fucking the mechanic who's fixing my car.

Fantastic. Because the car will keep braking. The car is going to keep breaking and I'm going to keep meeting that mechanic. This is like Paul Thomas Anderson and Maya. Maya Rudolph. This is your, you are the next. Do you know that they're married? I know that they're married. They have been, or I don't know of married, whatever the word is. Or partner. Yeah. Partners is the cool thing. That's cool. Look at you connecting with Gen Z. Oh, dude, really working on it. I see kids under 30 at a restaurant. We went out the other night and Everyone there was under 30. And I was like, we should leave.

I don't need to eat at these places anymore. I don't belong at these places. Yeah. I, oh, I know. Somehow I wound up in a conversation with me, a man in his 50s, and two girls who are certainly under 25. I don't know what their exact ages are. He was dating one of these women?

No. One of them was his assistant. So he was dating that one. One was her. I love this guy. I'm not going to say who was. I think he. I think everything's about bored, but...

Sure, whatever. But what's funny is, I listen to them... God, I hope that they don't hear me say this, because they will know exactly who it is. I listen to them talk. And you know how there's the whole trope of, like, someone in their 30s or 40s dating somebody in their, like, you know, 19, 20, 21, like, what do you have to talk about?

And I realized, first of all, I think the answer in that case is only one of them is ever doing all the talking. Like the grown person is listening to the young person, talk and being like, I guess this makes me feel young or I don't have to care about what you're saying and I just get to fuck your tits, sure. Or the young person is like, tell me everything you know

about the world. And that very, that's like a professor though. That's like when if you're fucking your professor. Oh, it's a fucked up dynamic. Yeah. Yeah. But this, these girls were just having conversations that I had, that I have had in my early 20s. Like they were saying like, it's so nice to be a lightweight

because then I'm a really cheap date. Like I don't have to, I only have to buy one glass of wine I'm already drunk. And it's like, yeah, I don't, I've had these thoughts before. Yeah, you did. You ran through those same, you went through this same thing. Totally, totally. I've had this exact experience.

I've thought that was cool. I thought that was original. It is cool. I thought that was like spicy and interesting. Made me not like other girls. And then it's like, ah, no, I'm like other girls. You're like other girls. We're all the same.

We're all the same. Yeah. I think the older you get, the more, you're like, well, we're all the same. Yeah. I mean, how will you know? Are you allowed to say? You expect me to say, 35. Are you really?

Yeah. Oh my God. Is that? I thought you were, for some reason I thought you were younger than that. Yes. Yeah. I'm very young, Hollywood. I'm so little.

I'm a teenager. But I'm legal. Her feet don't even touching the ground in this chair, Hollywood. She's so tiny of a person. She's so compact. Yeah, you can cast me as a high schooler if you want. Okay, dude, slow down, will you? Well, no, here's why you're staying so young.

Because I'm listening to all these 23-year-olds, and I'm copying what they're shoole. children. Now you're biking through New York. You sweetly invited me on your show. I wanted to do it. You do tandem bike rides through New York and I wanted to do it. But I also, I was like, oh, I would love to do that. Then there is a piece of me that's like, that's how I die biking with you in New York. Totally. But I mean, wouldn't the sweet relief of death be a welcome friend? I just don't want to do it on a bike in New York. With me. Yeah, with you. No offense. I mean, fuck. On the back of a tandem where you have no control. You don't have breaks. You don't have gears.

That's scary. Yeah. I mean, how much do I trust you? You do bike enough on the internet that I see. You must be doing this daily. Oh, totally. I average an hour and a half on my bike a day. Every day. That when I'm in, when I'm home, yes. Wow. Yeah. This is, is this because of growing up that way or preferred mode of transpo? Preferred mode of transpo. Got it. I just fucking love it. It keeps my head screwed on straight. Doesn't scare you at all in New York? I, I, it's the rush. Of almost dying? Yeah. Yeah.

Because the way people drive is absurd. Yeah, but you know what's funny? I, people who drive in New York for the most part, their number one goal is to not kill a biker. And my number one goal is to not get killed by a car or a garbage truck or whatever. So we actually have a lot in common. You meet in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Opposite here in Southern California.

Yeah. I am actively trying to hit people on bikes. I don't like them. Get out of the way. And their competition. Well, and I saw a guy laying down on a lay flat bike, you know that? guy? Let me say something to that guy. I see him. He's in my neighborhood. Fuck you. I don't like this guy. He's so low. You can't see him, dude. You cannot see them a lot of times. Is he in the

street? Oh yeah. He rides right in the middle of the fucking road. Yeah, that's... And I've almost hit him multiple times. And he's got like a bright orange jump thing on and he's got the twirling thing. You know, there is an age. There's a twirly thing you put on the back of the bike and it spins so people can see it. It's a reflector. You know what I'm talking about. He's got the whole get-up and everything. How old is he? You know, no one knows. and that that's how I say so young I know that's my this is a circle back it's you you're going to be laying down on a bike one day

doing the lay flat and the thing is I love yelling at people while I'm riding it's like such a great way to get out aggression yeah it's a it's a time that I can just I can scream fuck you and nobody is going to do anything about it you're hard to shoot when you're riding away I'm gone yeah you're already gone

I get to like I get to get the little you know the evil out of me fuck you yeah I like that I get it. But imagine me in 50 years on a lay flat bike. I see it. Fuck out of my way. Get out of my way.

Looking up at the sky. There is a guy on TikTok I really do. He's the worst, but I do like watching him. He bikes in the bike lane and he records himself going, get out of the way, fuck it, in the bike lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. I've seen a couple of people like that. You've seen this guy.

Yeah. But a couple of guys have checked him and that I love. A couple of guys will stop his bike and they've. getting his fucking face, he's like, you're being recorded, which is the defense mechanism of the pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And to everyone in the world, start hitting these people. Like, everyone needs to get hit. I have so much respect for somebody who, like, looks at me and doesn't back down. I love that. Because I'm like, it's just that one of us needs to make a decision. The time that it's bad is when people babble or when people, like, think that they can make the situation better for me. And I'm like, I'm in so much more control than you right now. Right.

I need you to keep doing whatever dumb thing you're about to do, and I will operate around that. And I can be in charge of my own little bubble, but like don't try to fix things for me. Don't stop in the middle of the street. Just keep moving. There's so many metaphors that I find in biking that I like need to apply to my real life. Like I was thinking the other day I was riding and there was an ambulance that was pulling into the street in some weird way that was like probably 300 feet in front of me. And I was like, oh, a less experienced rider would like stop here and try to figure out what's going on or would like slow down and be nervous about the ambulance situation and how is traffic going to flow. And I just have been riding for so long that I kept going full speed knowing that the situation would change by the time I got there.

And I would be able to find a way through, but I'm not going to be able to see it from where I am. And also it's going to be different by that time anyway. so I might as well not try to predict, not try to plan for something, and just like keep doing the thing that I'm doing until I need to adjust to the situation. And I was like, wow, that's life, man. Just don't just let it happen. Yeah. And then of course I lay in bed like swirling about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, or a car door could hit you and that's it. Totally. And then that's it. But why plan for that? You can't, man. You can't. Wear a helmet. Make yourself as safe as possible. You always wear a helmet? 100%. You're never a bad girl. I hate. I, it's, the, thing is that my helmet has saved my life six times. Whoa, so you've been hit six times? Not by a moving vehicle, but I have crashed a shit ton

because I ride hard and a lot. You ride hard and a lot. My priorities. Get her new album, I ride hard and a lot. And you know what? That would be my checkout, though. If I fell really hard, I'd be like, that's it. Totally. Every time I crash, I

get back on the bike after the crash and ride to wherever I was going if I am physically able. I complete the ride so that that doesn't happen to me. That's crazy. Because that I used to be a good diver and then I had like a really bad I like tried to do a thing when I was

you know I don't know 13. We like in a high school dive team or something? I was a lifeguard and so like a lot of people around me were swim and dive team and so I would like practice stuff with them and one bad dive and I just kind of never went back. What happened on the dive? I think I just like did a bad belly flop like I think I that's not that big. It's water. I don't know.

I probably yelled a secret as I was going in. I actually completed the dive just fine. I just revealed, I love you, Nick Norton, and then I dove. That's my real high school crushes real big. Nick Norton? Yeah. Where's Nikki now? I don't know, Minneapolis, I think.

I heard a rumor. I heard something from a friend about a guy we used to know that passed away, and it's a weird. This is what happens at this stage in my life. You hear that guy died? I'm like, no, really? And the stories range from like cancer, sad, normal, like, yeah, it's knock up on him, blah, blah, blah. or like this one was like found in a motel

robbed by a hooker OD'd on fentanyl and I was like damn dude that's movie shit that's movie shit also the robbed by a hooker feels like salt in the wound

after an OD can you imagine though how what a like I mean kudos to the hooker you gotta get out of there and you got to take something for the go yeah I guess you're not gonna leave his wallet he's dead I would be curious to know whether the robbery happened before or after the death I imagine they both were doing drugs.

He OD'd and she was like, I think I'm going to get out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So I need a little bit of money. Sure, I got to get out of it. I got to steal this guy's money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, or maybe that was her payment. It's also an unnecessary detail in regards to his death.

Just kicking a man while he's down. Well, that's what I mean. Nothing to do with the death. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't kill him. Really, it's just he sadly ODED. Yeah. But I have to tell you about the hook who stole his wallet.

Otherwise, it's not a good story. Yeah. I don't want, that's my, you know, we talk about this on the show sometimes. We live in hotels. I just, I don't want to die in a hotel. I think about it because I'm like, well, I'm in this hotel alone. If I die, they're going to find me. Yeah.

Why don't you want to die in a hotel? Well, I want to be near, I want to, I want to burden my wife. I want to die near her. Yeah, I want my wife to have to wake up and find the worst thing that she can possibly imagine. Yes, trauma, trauma, yeah. My grandma, her husband died when my dad was young, or my, my, my, my, my, my, my, My grandfather died when my dad was young. Then she remarried.

Then her second husband died before I was born. And she didn't remarry after that. And somebody asked her, like, why not? Because I think she, like, I don't know if she was in her 70s. Sure. So it's like, you could keep dating. And she said, I've, oh, and she had a child die. And I don't know if he died in bed.

But she said, I've had too many people die in my bed. My God, this poor woman. Is she alive now? Crazy. No, she's dead. She's gone. She died in bed as well. Full circle moment. Yeah, no, you can't, I mean, after, if I wasn't married anymore, I always would say it's a one and done. I think this is a one-shot deal.

I think you try it once. I know people like to do it multiple times. I have friends have been married multiple times. I'm like, one and done. Regardless of how it ends to me. I'm always like, you give it a whirl and then, you know, getting married, it's like going to Japan. You got to go once. It's amazing. You try it. You're probably not going to go back.

Yeah. You're like, we got to go back. You're never going back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too far. Yeah, it's too much of a commitment. It's just too much, dude. It's too much.

It takes too much time. It takes too much planning. And there's so much you learn. You got to learn a new language. I don't want to do that. Yeah. What a fucking nightmare. No, I think it's, it's, I get it.

You know, like I, my mom, thankfully, remarried. That's because my stepdad is the best. But I just, I have so many friends now, either just getting a divorce or on their second go. Also, the second round thing, like, I'm not giving you a gift, and I probably won't come to the second wedding. If it's a, if it's a destination wedding. I just, I'm not giving you

a gift. I did it once. I'm not doing it again. That's insane. You know what I mean? I just think there's a limit on... Sorry that your ex, who you hate, gets to share the one gift that you got that's not my problem. That's on fucking you guys, you know? No, I think it's an unnecessary secondary wedding. I think the second wedding should

just be for your family and you. Were you a person who wanted to get married. Like, I don't mean, like, wanted to marry your wife. I had my dress plan since I was nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm asking. I was such a whimsical girl. No, I never, I didn't, no, it was

kind of like, if it happens great, I never, I never thought about it like that. I think my generation, because we saw all of our parents. Split? Get a divorce. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like everyone. Your parents were together? No. We're never married. Split up when I was a baby. Never

re-married. anyway, never partnered with anybody. Never even dated other people. Not that I'm aware of. I look back at one, I have like one memory of my mom and I going to some community orchestra concert in Burnsville to see a guy play trumpet. And in retrospect, I'm like, oh, that was a date. But I was never introduced to somebody as like, this is mom's boyfriend.

Wow, but and still no. Still no, still nothing. But my parents are still, are like very good friends, relatively speaking. like there's plenty of tension between them but I would say no less no more than like the average couple who has been married for 40 years

so they're still kind of married they're like functionally partners in a lot of ways yeah they just live in very different states yeah but that's so funny that neither of them ever try to see other people ever again I think my dad is just sort of a recluse by nature yeah and my mom

was a single mom who was raising me and was not didn't have a steady nine to and so I think she just like her hands were full. There was one. How many of you are there? How many kids? Just me.

Oh, you solo? Spoiled right. They did one and done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They both have separately told me that they would have loved to have more kids. Not, they haven't said like with each other, but like. In general.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm always sort of like, I got a solution for that. Yeah. Not now. We can figure it out. There was actually easy math. There was a window of opportunity.

But no, but that's it. Didn't score a little girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're both proud of you, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that great? Did they come to the premiere? They didn't come to the film festival premiere,

but they came to, there was a big red carpet screening in December, and they both, I brought them to that. And they, my mom's from Minnesota. My dad is from, he's from Jersey, New York City, but now lives in Baltimore. My dad wears crocs every day. Well, yeah. Because they're the only shoes that feel good on his feet.

Oh, crock, Dad. He shows up... He said he would be so mad if I misrepresent this. He was like, I know I can't wear crocs to this red carpet, but I don't have dressed shoes, so I'll figure it out. He shows up wearing hiking boots, holding his neoprene laptop bag

that he uses as a purse because he's not willing to buy a real bag because that's gay, but he will carry his laptop bag everywhere as a purse. He has a non-folding umbrella It was raining, but like a full, you know, a giant umbrella. Yeah. He's wearing his winter coat shows up.

My mom shows up wearing layers upon layers upon, looking very nice and sweet, but like so many layers of jackets because like we don't know how cold it's going to be in the theater. Also a huge heavy purse that's like too big. And she was, if she hears this, she's going to be so mad at me. She's going to hear it. Yeah. We're going to send it to her. Please do. Becky deserves to hear herself be named in public.

But she's like carrying this giant purse. Whatever, it's fine. Laura Dern is there. And Laura Dern was so kind to me on set. There were a handful of times on set when I felt really like, when I felt a little bit on my back foot and just like wasn't sure how to navigate a situation and yada, yada, yada. And Laura was so generous and would like check in on me and be like, how are you feeling? And is this situation going okay for you and whatever?

She was so, so, so nice. And I told my parents, and so I, like, there was a time where she was standing in a corner and only talking to one person who seemed to be on her team. And so I was like, this is our chance. And I trot my parents up. And my mom takes both of Laura's hands and said, like, thank you for being kind to my baby girl and starts sobbing. Oh, that's sweet. And Laura Dern is so kind and was like, of course, Chloe's amazing. She's great, whatever.

And my dad shakes her hand and goes, I haven't seen in the movie yet, but I've been a fan for a long time. All right, dad. Good job. Back off. We're walking into the screening. And there's a table of smart water bottles, just like as a here have a water bottle to watch the movie. Both of my parents start putting multiple smart water bottles in their respective bags. Yeah.

Yeah. You're not missing a chance to take a free smart water. Bradley Cooper is walking by. My parents are like arming smart water bottles into their bag. I'm like, I will buy you a smart water bottle at the first water bottle. Oh, no, no. That's silly. They're right there. Yeah, they're right there. The company's already, the movie's paid for it.

They're not going to take them back. They're going to be wasted at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let them take those home. Put them in his neoprene laptop bag and move on with his life. Let your mom coat pocket them like she's stealing booze in high school. Let them live. They're like swag.

That's the swag. This is what Hollywood does. You know what they gave my daughter at the premiere? Smart water. Yeah, as much as she wanted. He moved to Baltimore. Yeah. For a job?

For workish, yeah. Yeah, for workish. What did he do when you were a kid? He's a lawyer by training, but now he's moved into real estate development. He's doing like the legal side. He was a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A crock lawyer.

Yeah, a crock lawyer. My dad is a weird one because he is, both of my parents are like hippie, hippie, hippies. Oh, really? They met at a Transcendental Meditation Teacher Training course. Really? Yeah. Like on a like multi-month meditation retreat. They were, they're like so from that world.

We talk about past life memories at the dinner table. It's like, yeah. Are you into this stuff? Yeah. So does, I guess so, yeah. It's, the thing is that, like, I hate how modern, like, hippie shit is now, now it works in the culture. Like, it's, it's been, like, co-opted by people who I hate. Sure.

And so I really hate being, like, I totally believe in reincarnation. I totally believe in energy. I totally believe in. Like, I had my tarot read since I was a kid and, like, have little cassette tapes of me asking our family psychic questions about, I'm sure, my third grade crush. I have no idea.

You know, but, like, it wasn't Ignorton at the time. I was going to be, it was really soon. I was going to meet Nick. Oh, so soon. The tarot cards told you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They said, put Matt Clemens aside. I shouldn't be using their real names.

They don't give a fuck. This is 20 years ago, how long? This is forever again. You're fine. Livid. Matt Clemens is livid about it. Food falling out of his mouth. What the fuck?

She liked me that whole time. I was in love with her. Have you ever had that happen? When someone years later was like, God, I liked you so much when we were kids. And why didn't we ever talk? Not anyone that I am like, dang. I had a girl that said that to me years and years ago.

But we met up through friends when I was on tour. And she was like, how's life? How's that great? Life's good. She's like, oh, I had the biggest crush on you as a kid. I was like, I had the biggest fucking crush on you as a kid. Why didn't we ever talk? That's funny. I mean, now she's hideous.

But it's just when you're kids too, you're like, the person I think you're the afraid of the most is this feels the same way about you. Yeah, I think in my case, that was not true. I think for me, the people who I was afraid of the most broadly didn't think about me. No. Were you kind of like a hippie kid? Were you kind of like a... I was an ultra dweeb. I was such a fucking loser. What made you big dork? I was marching band speech and debate, knowledgeable theater. I like never...

Fucking nerd! I've never played a day of organized sports in my life. Do you enjoy sports at all or no? I mean, you know what's funny? Like as an adult, I'm like, oh, I think I'm athletic. Because like, I ride so much. Yeah, that is. Yeah. I got really into rock climbing for a long time. Basically, I need a sport where anything that I'm using is strapped to my body

or is like very attached to my body. Skies. I love skiing. I love swimming. But like tennis is out. I can drop the rat. Hit and throwing, catching. Really tough for me.

That's funny. Yeah, bad. Yeah, because the coordination that it takes to ride very well seamlessly through traffic without dying is an athletic. It's totally. Yeah. It's an athletic endurance of some kind, you know? Yeah, totally.

That's fine. And but, well, now, like, is your boyfriend into organized shit or no? He doesn't like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's British, so he's big into soccer. He's British? He's British. Yikes.

I mean, I'm trying to get out of here. Jesus Christ, dude. 1776? I know. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Jesus Christ. Look, I know, but I use him as a whipping boy.

Football. Yeah. Football. Now I'm into football. What team does he refer? What team do you guys report? Totnam, Hotspur. Totnam.

Yeah. We went and saw Tottenham in the Europa Cup final in Bilbao, Spain. Whoa. Because I was in England last year for a month. Doing shows? I was there for a festival. And then basically, he's here way, way, way more than I'm there. Mm-hmm.

Because I... Because we're the best. Don't want to be there. It's the best country in the world. Yeah. You can say it. Yeah, yeah. Because it is better here.

Yeah, it's better. I mean, it's way, way, way worse here. Yeah, but it's better. But it is better. At the same time. It's better. Yeah. But so it's like if I can do big blocks, I want to.

Yeah. As a like, it is not going to be sustainable long term. If I'm just like, yeah, I'm never going to go there. I'm never going to. I'm never going to go to your pathetic little country. England is it? Would you ever move? I would have to be way less successful than I am

or way more successful than I am to move. Right, you think you're in a middle spot. Because right now I'm in a place where like genuinely if I spend, this is the real reason why I don't like being over there is because when I spend two, three, four weeks there, I can feel that impact my career here.

And also like being there has helped my career in a million ways. It actually has, I really should be, much, much, much fairer to it. Like, it has opened up a ton of opportunities and it has connected me to people who I genuinely wouldn't have gotten connected to here. And, like, I should give it way more credit.

But I feel like, I just feel like I am sort of in the strike when the iron is hot part of my career. And I'm trying to build my career here. And so, yeah. Yeah. So why? Why give it to them? Yeah, or it's just like, why split my focus?

Like, my focus is already so split between like I'm doing stand-up and social media, but I also have like this little burgeoning stuff in acting, but a like pretty significantly moving part of my career in screenwriting. Like I make a, I make not a lot of money, but like a lot of my money from screenwriting. Are you writing on a show right now or something? I'm not, but I have sold a couple scripts, have a development deal on a solo show to try and develop it into a. What's a solo show called?

It's called cheat. Cheat? Yeah. It's about how I feel. cheated in almost every relationship I've ever been. Oh shit. Is it a, it's a movie or a show? It's a solo show. It's like a, it's an hour. Oh, like a one person show. It's like a one woman show.

One woman show. Yeah. Because they always say one man show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just cut that out. Yeah. So you do this show now. I do the show now. Yeah. But that's not your hour when you tour.

Correct. I can't lock the nice people of like Fort Collins, Colorado into a room and be like, hey, you paid $22 for a night of stand-up? Check this out. Now I'm going to talk to you about how I've fucked a bunch of people I wasn't supposed to fuck it. It's going to get sad about my dad at the end. I can't. I can't do that to the nice strangers.

No, you could. I could. But I wouldn't be asked back. But don't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's all roped around your dad, huh? It was. It's actually now changed a bunch.

Have you put it down? Have you recorded it yet? not I like have tape of it but you don't want to put it out I don't want to put it out because I would like to try and get an off-Broadway run of it I would love to do it for six weeks somewhere and I think I can and I want to do it in like

not a capital T theater I want to do it in like someplace that feels that feels closer to stand up but isn't a club like my fantasy is like the basement of a hotel or something I think that would be very cool yeah you got to find the right hotel Got to find the right. London's got a lot of basements in their hotels.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that. But prior argument. I know. I mean, look, if a hotel in London would let me do the show. One was going to at some, upon one point, but no longer now. You really fucked yourself there over a little bit. England, all of England is smaller than the entire state of Minnesota.

Tiny. It's a tiny place, but it is really, we just got back. We were there last year. and yeah it's just London doesn't feel the same that it used to feel for me but England is pretty I mean it's an incredible country you go there and you're like oh I get why all of the fairy tales were written here I like it's it feels like you're walking into a painting it's amazing it does it really it's I don't mean to shit in the country it's an amazing place and someday I will apply for asylum there yeah you'll need to and I hope that they let me you'll need to yeah well unless

I mean you you know you'll stay in New York for a long time I'm coming. You're never going to go anywhere else, though. You hate L.A. or do you like L.A.? I hated L.A. for a long time. Good for you. And now I have learned to love it. Yeah. Oh, you drank the Kool-A.

You got yourself in a fucking movie. Now you're like, this isn't so bad. It totally is the second that my career got better. The second that, like, positive things in my career were associated with L.A., I was like, this city's got some good sides to it. Although, I will say this morning, I was at a cafe in Antahunga, one of the, Whatever. Aroma.

It wasn't aroma. It was right down the block. Sure. And the one bathroom in this little cafe is like back in the kitchen. So it's in this like really, really cramped back space. And the door was closed for a long time, said locked. And I realized I could hear the person inside on a call in the bathroom. And I was so, I like stood there and was like, they have to understand that this is inappropriate.

They were in there for so long. I finally like jiggled the handle as to get the fuck out of it. You got to do the jiggle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let them know. Which, sometimes when I'm in there, I'm like, what do you think is going to happen? You think I can push this shit out faster? I can't, like, I can't speed this up.

My body is moving as fast as it moves. Push, rotate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do my little squats. Yeah. But sometimes in a bathroom, I will pull, like, the top of the garbage can off to make my own little squatty-pottie. Do you really? Yeah, yeah.

Interesting move. A little DIY. Wow. That helps you, huh? Yeah, totally. I hold my legs up when I'm in when I'm shitting. I literally just sit like. this. Oh, interesting. At home, too.

You should just try having a stool right there. No, I just enjoy this. That's nice. Yeah, ancestral. I feel like it's probably like a... It's a strength training thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My hit teacher told me to do that. That's cool. When you're at home and you're shitting. Yeah, yeah. Hold your legs up. Let it get out there, dude.

You burn more calories if you shit with your knees in the air. That will be on a TikTok. Yeah. Some one of these fucking health influencers, everything you've ever known is wrong. And then they pitch you the thing that you could put your legs above your head when you're shitting, even better. They're like 25 ways to burn calories

and you don't even notice it. You're like, I'd notice that. I would notice having to sit like this. Not if you wake up in the morning and dip your face in a bowl of cold water. So fucking dumb. Everyone's tried all these little health tricks. None of them work. I mean, I get sucked into the, I'm like

I'm in a research like what temperature of water burns more calories to drink it. And then I realize it's like, Radcliffe, if you fucking spent, instead of taking the time, to read all of these stupid Reddit threads if you just spent that time going outside

just for five minutes, walk to the bodega, buy whatever you want, or spend that time like writing a joke rather than thinking about food. Spend that time doing the things that you know work which are easy and basic and none of the shit that people are suggesting

even if it works, even if it works 100%, it makes the tiniest most incremental difference. over like, I don't know, eat the food that you know is better than you and better for you and don't eat the food that you know is bad for you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's, I think also you start to go, uh, I'm wasting time thinking about it. I'm going to die.

Do I want to live to be 96? Not, not really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would rather, you don't want longevity. You want, you want shortchivity. You know, I'm not here for a long time. I'm not here for a good time. Yeah.

Let's do it and get the fuck out of here. Like, what do? I don't even. Like this is going to, whenever you read those things that were like, this is taking off years on your life. And you're like, right on. I need to lessen this blow a little bit. Also, I'm not having kids. So nobody's going to take care of me when I'm old.

Yeah. So I might as well make it easy on myself. Correct. You're out. Okay, cool. Correct. What made that decision for you? I, it was more like I came to the realization, but it was a couple summers ago.

My mom, my mom always says stuff like, she's like. like saving toys of mine from when I was young. And she's like, these are for your babies for when I'm a grandma. Or like, or she'll always say, oh, no, you know what the thing is? She always says, uh, I will, even if you have kids and you wind up not with the person you've had kids with, I will always be there. Like, I'll always be around to be grandma. I'll take care of the kids if you can't. Yeah, like I'll move in in the backyard and help you take care of them or whatever.

And I know that she means that as she felt very alone raising me. Yeah. Her parents were not involved. And my dad was wherever he was. And- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crocs shopping. Yeah.

And that she's trying to say, like, I'm supporting you. But of course, it makes me feel like have kids. Pressure, pressure, pressure, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so one summer I, like, went, she said something like that. And I was at home in the house that I grew up in. And I said to her, hey, I want you to know that I know that you're not trying to make me feel pressure to have kids.

And my mom is so sincere, cannot lie, doesn't, she is, she is total face value everything she says. And she was like, oh, I didn't even, of course, of course I'm not making you have kids. I'm not, that's not pressure. And she's like being earnest about it. She doesn't know that she's doing it. She doesn't know. I walked down the hall and then I'm suddenly like, but of course that makes me feel so much fucking pressure. Of course it does.

And that like opened this like waterfall of realizations. I realized that since high school, I have always wanted, I've always been like, it would be awesome if I just went to the doctor for something else. And they were like, they came back and they were like, hey, along with whatever you're getting checked up for, we found out the urine fertile. Sorry. If I could just have the decision made for me, that would be awesome. And I never once thought it would be awesome if I accidentally got pregnant and had the decision made for me. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's never. Have you had the scare before?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of scares. A couple of scares. and it was like somebody put a blanket over the world for the week or two that I was, it was like everything was like gray and muffled. Yeah, I guess it was just like, you shut down. It was, yeah, it's the scariest. It's the scared.

Still, like, the closest that I have to nightmares now are dreams where I'm pregnant or where I have a kid. And I'm like, I don't want this. And now it is a life. It is a person. Yeah. that's your ultimate nightmare. That's the scariest thing You're scared of being robbed or murdered in New York at night?

No, no, no, no, no. But pregnant? Holy shit, dude. Walking around all fat and swollen? Biggest fear you have. Yeah, I don't want to. Well, good. No, good.

Yeah. Look, I think it's, it is an interesting world now of like, we don't have kids. And it's like, do you want to bring them up here and now and it's time and all this stuff? and we can't, so it kind of made this decision for us. Sure. But you live in my fantasy.

I do. I know. I'm who you want to be. Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Hollywood, as it were. I want to get deep enough into Hollywood to get mad at them, quit, and be told, I can't have kids. It feels fantastic.

I can't tell you how good it feels. No, but I think that it just also was a, there is also the idea that I was like, because I'm from the Midwest, I was like, well, if I even did have one, I'd probably want to go back home. Sure. That was a double thing in my mind of like, would I even want to have a kid here? Yeah. Which is tough.

Yeah. Because I have friends that have raised kids here, and it's obviously very normal. There's nothing insane about it. But it's like, you know, it's not how we grew up. No. Which is what I would want in my mind. Totally. Oh, the Midwest breeds a sense of shame and embarrassment into you that I think is healthy.

That's why the British guy likes you, by the way. They have the exact same shit. Totally. I think the UK is the Midwest of the world. And 100% is. Same weather. Beer, cheese. Everything's gray.

Can't look you in the eyes. Right. Talk shit behind your back, smiles at your face. Yeah, very prudish, can't deal with sex. Mm-mm, mm-mm. Oh, sex. Gross. Boils all their vegetables, no spices.

Well, that's my people's thing. That's, we're big boilers. The Irish are big boiler. I boiled beer brats the other day, too. And you missed it. You should have come over. Beer brots, which, by the way, some of my friends who are not Midwesterners were remarkably confused.

By beer brats? They just never have had them. They were like, what do you mean? Beer brim. In fact... I will say, actually, British boyfriend has been like, what is a broad? What is it?

Yeah. I'm like, I don't know how to explain this. Leave him. It's time. He doesn't deserve me. I had to actually go around L.A. I had to go to three different butcher shops to get a Broughtwurst.

And I went to an OG German butcher shop to get it because the other guys were like, we don't really, people, not enough people buy it. Know what it is. Yeah. And I was like, that's crazy as a kid. It was like, it's primary when you go to a butcher shop that they have brats there. But that's also because I think like in the Midwest, a lot of German and a lot of Polish influence in Chicago.

So it's already culturally it's there. Here, no. They were like, the guy, the guy literally goes, I go, do you have Browers? He goes, what? No, what? No. He was like annoyed that I asked. I was like, yeah, I'll just take a talent sausage. And you're like, that's the most normal. That's like the equivalent of asking like, do you have rice? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was shocked. But I did, it did, it did blow my mind how many people were like, I don't know if I like those. I'm like, try them. I promise you like them. They're boiled in fucking beer and then grilled. Yeah.

You're gonna fucking... I do miss that about the Midwest. I miss the community, camaraderie, I miss that thing. Like, we have to pull people to our house for sporting events to watch games, to, like, cheer. You're like, but it's hard to pull L.A.

people together. Yeah. We just don't have that culture here. You can go to the game. People will go to a Dodgers game with you. People go to the Lakers game. But they won't come to your house for it. It's just not a cultural thing in L.A.

Interesting. And in the Midwest, it's like, you definitely go to somebody's house. Of course. You're begging for someone to throw a party so you're like... Who's got the biggest TV? Yeah, and who has the nicest setup? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And also whose house can you trash and not feel bad about it? Yep. Yeah, and who's got the beer fridge in the basement?

Right. This is, see, these are, these are things that are just missing here. It's just not a... And who's got that extra fridge in the garage for all that extra shit? I mean, you just need to have these things. Right, and the chest freezer for all the meat. For all the meat. What are we doing? But we don't, none of that stuff exists here. Now, these people live on the whim. They don't eat here. We're not a food city. No one's allowed to eat anymore. Just a big gulp of air for dessert.

Just go outside and breathe. Just connect with the earth, you know, feel the vibrations and that really feels me up. I think that L.A. thing, though, has dissipated. I think the, like... The woo-woo. The woo-woo L.A. thing is almost all gone. In fact, you guys kind of have it a little bit more than we do. New York kind of still has more woo-woo-y bullshit.

Yeah, like when you... I think the city, Manhattan has a lot of that shit that, like, we kind of did. this like, it's a coffee shop, it's also a yoga studio, and you can also buy your own custom candles. Like that thing? That is, it's like very in Williamsburg now.

I feel like it's any, yeah. But young hip, but that's kind of one. It's on my side of the town. That's by you now still. But it's still, but you guys are still trying to be punk rock on the east side where Williamsburg is like

white upper crusty, just had a baby. Oh, it's just like a real estate development firm. Yes. Like pulled out a little pre-eastern, packaged neighborhood and dropped it in. And it all looks like nothing.

It's like big and pretty officially but you sort of walk around and it feels like you're in a video game like you're in like a part of a video game that they didn't develop fully you know. The designers didn't finish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you in? I'm in Ridgewood. I'm way deep out. I'm in a little Polish neighborhood. Yeah, you are. That's yeah. Yeah. You like it out there. I love it. I love it. Freedom.

Yeah. You feel like you're not really in the gut of everything. Totally. Totally. Totally. And I just want to, I want to be somewhere like old and ratty. I truly, I do not understand when people look at new construction buildings as, now maybe you live in one, but like, I don't, when people are like, oh, it's expensive, but like that's what the whole market is. I'm like, no, you're looking at these things that are like, they're shiny and beautiful

for the first 18 months, and then you realize that everything is just like IKEA door handles that are going to come unscrewed and look crooked and ugly in two years. and you're paying $5,000 for something that's going to fall apart. And the dishwasher is going to smell bad. Old dishwashers don't smell bad. New dishwashers smell bad. That is true. And it's boring.

It's boring. And it's boring. And it's boring. These new buildings are boring. We're going through it right now. We have a fucking new-ish washer and dryer. And in the first house that we moved into, the washer was from, no shit, like 52. Yeah.

It was the oldest. I'm shocked. It was still running. Totally fine. This newer, one that was left in the house that we got? Broken, stinks like shit. Totally.

Totally. It's a piece of shit. Everything's a piece of shit. Totally. Everything is bad. Everything new is a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Old is like, they made it right.

But then, because back then they were like, we'll make it, so you never have to get another one. Yeah. And then at some point in the 80s, capitalism was like, whoa, we need them to buy a lot of them. Yeah. So let's make cars worse. Let's make everything break.

And that is, that is now the new culture. Like iPhone, someone said that to me last night. Planned obsolescence. Yeah, planed obsolescence. They want, they, someone said to me last night, they're like, I get a new phone every time they put one out. And I was like, that's so crazy. It's a cultural thing now to be like, trade it up, get a new one. Totally.

And it's because companies don't take pride in the product anymore. They take pride in, I'm not trying to be as pithy as I'm about to be. They take pride in the profit. Yeah. Not the product. I know. It is true. Well, what's, well, so what's the answer?

What is really golden? We're fucked. It's over. Oh, totally. I mean, I think that, I think the, like, fundamental problem with all of this, or a fundamental problem with all of this is the scale at which we are all operating. Yeah. That, like, we aren't, and I don't mean, like, we didn't evolve to be in communities this, but, like,

sure, yeah, I mean, that is part of it. I guess that is the fundamental root of it. But it's that, like, you can't care about people's experience. You can't care about 300 million people's experience. And you can't care about the experience of people who live 5,000 miles from you. Like, you can't. You can think about it and be like, that's too bad, or I hope that they're doing okay. But you can't really, we really have a capacity for empathy that exists in people we know and understand what their lives are like.

And so it's like, yeah, when you're running a company that serves your state or a few states around and you travel around and you sell the products to these people and you see that the people are happy with the products, then you can take pride in that because you're like seeing the little real impact. Right. But when it's like, it's all just numbers on paper, and the only impact you can feel is, can I buy a bigger yacht? Right. You can't, then of course you don't care about the product. I don't know. It's all. It's true.

I think part of the reason that America is so fucked up is because it's so physically big. We're too big. We should be separate countries. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, California is the, what, the fourth largest GDP in the world, something like that? Yeah. We shouldn't be attached to anybody else.

Totally. Yeah, we should sink on our own. Yeah. We already fucked it up. Yeah, yeah. Let you guys do you. We'll break off Texas. I mean, New York, you guys are a fucking nightmare too.

Totally. It's a night. It's all on a fucking big nightmare. The reason that there are functioning, there are like social programs in Europe is because they're serving. Smaller. A place that's the size of Minnesota. I know, it is funny.

When they're like, Canada has free health care. You're like, I think there's 100 people in Canada that live up there. The rest of them live here. Canada is so big and spread out. if you ever done a Canada run when you go from west to east, it's mind bending how far it is from each place. You're like, oh, where's the next stop?

It's two and a half hour flight and you're like, what? That's the next city? Like, yeah, and between then, it's nothingness. It's tundra. There's nothing there. I've done comedy in Winnipeg multiple times. Oh, yeah. And I don't know why that's the place that I have been to.

They love you up there. They love me. And it's the drive from Minneapolis to Winnipeg is the bleakest drive that I've ever done. You just go through North Dakota the worst part of this country and then into

worst North Dakota which is right above it. And it's so windy and horrible. It's just sad. It really is sad. It just sort of cuts you and there's no...

I did the... The Museum of Human Rights atrocities is in Winnipeg. Whoa. And it's seven floors of the worst thing that people have ever done. Seven floors?

It's so bad. And that is the most... fun thing to do it with it. Well, what are the floors? What are the features? The floors are... Hitler has his own floor? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. World War II. Yeah, Holocaust has one.

I think Armenian genocide has a floor. Canada is crazy. Just the idea that someone's like, wait a minute. The Holocaust only got one floor. They're like, oh, they're so greedy. They want three floors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?

The Rwandan genocide. The Rwandan genocide. Bosnian War. Armenian genocide, apartheid in South Africa. racial terror lynchings in the U.S. Yeah, yeah, we made it. You hit all the floors? I think I hit all the floors.

The memory that I have... You skipped the Rwandan genocide. You were like, do we need to see it? I saw the movie. I kind of get it. I get it. No, there was this big table, like interactive timeline table.

I think it was on the Holocaust floor. And you could like click into things and they would pop open little information about it. But they... You cannot imagine the museum is silent. Oh, God. No one's chit-chatting. And there aren't kids running around laughing, learning things.

But this interactive table makes noise every time you hit a thing. So I'm on the other side of the hall reading about the saddest thing, you know, reading about the skeletons dying as the people are coming to, you know, liberate concentration camps. And right behind me, I hear, blud-do-loop. Blu-loop. Blu-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-ding.

It's like Who was like This is a good idea And after all the years It's been open Yeah no one was like Should we not have noise on that? Yeah nobody

Nobody can even come over here And just be like Turn it down just a little bit There's got to be a knob on the table God that's it is such a funny sketch In my mind of like going to the How fun can we make this? Yeah

How fun are we allowed The marketing team is like Should we get balloons? Do we have a balloon place in there? Yeah the gift shop at the at the Museum of Human Rights and Jobs It will make you feel guilty. Do you guys have a license plate with my name on it?

I was looking for that in the spindle and I just couldn't find it. The Human Atrocities Museum. Here's a T-shirt with a photo of people being lined up with blindfolded next to a big crevasse. Okay, all right. Went to the Human Atrocities Museum and all I got was this T-shirt. I can like see that. My dad being like, it's kind of a cool shirt. I mean, we did go.

It was almost like collecting how you saw people. collecting hard rock t-shirts do you know this revolution this was like a big deal at one point I remember it because I remember people collecting the hurricane glasses oh yeah man huge huge where are those collections now someone has all of these and is waiting for the next pop

to be like see I told you they were worth money like did your parents have anything weird that they collect stuff did they do this thing they no neither neither had like a crazy little collection a crazy little no my dad has a shit ton of guitars but he used to build guitars It's like they all like...

He built guitars? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, this is the... This is... He went to one year of law school, dropped out for seven years to go live the, like, hippie life that he had come from before. He, like, hitchhiked across Canada, hitchhiked across the country, across the U.S.

Your dad's the man. He's amazing. He's very, very cool. Drugs? No drugs. Tons of drugs. Tons of drugs. Mom, no drugs?

Has tried them all. But is ashamed of it? No, no, no. Was always like... I prefer my brain clearheaded. Wow. Just like dropped acid at 15 and was like, okay, cool. I know what that is.

Wow. I'm good without it. You? Love mushrooms. Yeah. Big into mushrooms. That's kind of the only, I'll like do a lot of the other ones. No booze.

I drink, but it fucks my brain so bad. Yeah, it's bad for you. It's poison. Yeah. It's the next morning. I just lose a day, not to the physical hangover, to sitting there and being like, well, everything is hopeless. I'm not funny enough.

I'm not talented enough. I'm not hardworking enough. I split my focus too much, and so nothing gets full attention. I'm too old. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now. Truth serum, baby. And I should, like, I should just probably call it. Yeah.

Why I bought it? Listen to the booze. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway. And then you drink more booze and you feel a little bit better about yourself. And I'm like, I can fucking do this. Yeah.

No, I know it. It's my favorite. It's my favorite of all the things. I mean, I smoked weed for like 20 years. And then out of nowhere, I just quit. When I was like 34, I was like, I think I'm done smoking weed. And now I will once in a while. What was the thing? I don't even know. I just think I just didn't want to do it anymore. I don't even, it's very odd. Like, what did you not like about it? It wasn't. What did you stop liking about it? The high wasn't what I wanted anymore. It wasn't like a engaging creative high. I kind of just, I probably smoked for like six years or seven years more than I should have when I was like, this isn't really benefiting me as much. I loved it at night. I loved it when I was on the road. To conch you out. Just to kind of like disappear by myself a little bit. I love that.

And now it's like, no, I guess I should be more present. Now you can use this shit. Well, this is great too, but I'm a not, I'm weird. I don't drink at home and there's nothing but alcohol in my house. But we don't drink at the house. It's only social. As a rule or just a, or like that's just a habit. No, it's like a natural for me.

I never. Good. We only drink when people are here to hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that's also my parents. Like, I never saw my parents drink unless we had a party. Yeah. Or we went out to dinner to have a glass of wine.

Yeah. But like, it's truly a social drug for me. Yeah. Like, I have friends who will have one at night when they get home or after work, they'll crack beers, especially in the Midwest guys. They work all day. Of course. That to me is, I'm not interested in that at all.

Yeah. If I'm not sharing with someone, it's, it's, it's, I'm, I just don't find that engaging. Yeah. Like, I don't want to go drink by myself. I don't want, like, I don't know. I don't like it. I feel really lucky to have dodged all of that.

Like, I, I'm the same where it's like, I just happen to be able to say no. Yeah. And I don't even mean I have to think about it and say, like, yeah, I have liquor in my house. I just don't need it or want it. Yeah. It just, I feel like because it feels like it's a treat.

Yeah. So I'm almost like, well, don't have the treat unless it's worth it. Yeah. It's like how. See, no, I'm not that good with other treats. Okay. I'm like, give me anything. You'll take it all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, food, sugar. It's my. What's your vice vice? If I am in binge mode, I will make. I have made like when I have eaten through everything else in my house. I don't look like a person who has issues with binge eating. No. But I, it's crazy.

You're fat inside? I'm so fat inside. And I have lost a lot of weight. Like, I've lost probably 40 pounds since from five years ago. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Were you a big kid? I was never thin

I was never fat fat but like I was always chubby Really? Yeah yeah yeah You don't look like you know what's so funny You know some people like look like they might have been Yeah You don't have that It doesn't look like it

Great But what did you say? Band and what else? Band theater speech and debate Yeah that lines up Yeah yeah yeah yeah That's a chubby kids I was a little

Resumet Little Pig Did you say a little pig A little tiny piglet A little piggy Yeah my mom used to make me chocolate chip pancakes every single morning before breakfast, before school.

Your mom is the best. So your dad was the shit and your mom was cool? They're both awesome. I'm very lucky. Chocolate chip pancakes? Yes. Little mini, little mini silver dollar chocolate chip pancakes. Wow. Yeah. My mom never made breakfast. She worked. So in the morning it was always like grab and go.

Yeah, you figure it out. And then she would leave like a couple bucks to go get something to eat, but I would save the money and steal food from friends. So then I had money for stuff. end of the week. It was awesome. That's good. Two bucks a day or something? It adds up. I was like, brother, we're rich.

What did your mom think you were going to buy with two bucks a day? Probably like a, in her mind, I bet it was like. A granola bar or something? Well, you could buy like fries for a dollar and a slice of pizza for a dog. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was just like kids don't. Now I see fucking kids that like Airwan, like a 16 year old eating a $50 lunch. And you're like, that's fucking crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me, it was like... That's why... That's the impact of raising kids in L.A. Yeah, it's fucked. Like, kids in the Midwest are paying more money for pizza and fries, but they are still just eating pizza and fries. Like, they don't know that Airwant exists. They've never heard of a green smoothie. They don't, you know, like, they're not... They don't need it.

Yeah. But also, New York has that, too. Like Manhattan, kids that grow up in the city there, it's like, that's a... Totally. Such a rip-off place. These are just rip-off places, so they just breed a culture of, like, getting ripped off as normalized. so like even now I know like last night we went out to dinner with another couple and like it's a fucking repulsive rip rip off the restaurant but you're like well that's I guess yeah we decided to go out yeah what are you gonna do yeah but yeah I think as a kid it was like you just you just a couple of bucks is what you should have spent money it's like oh you can't afford that too bad here the culture is like but I need it yeah and the and the culture is like I don't know put it on a credit card and figure it out later that's yeah I see kids with credit cards I see kids with credit cards I see kids with with like platinum Amexes at restaurants. A child. A child and you're like, what the fuck is.

And that kid is gonna grow up to be a bad person. I'll probably end up working for them in a couple years. Yeah, that's gonna be my boss. Well, you're in Hollywood, but. I was gonna say it, you won't. If you're gonna, that's only if you go back in Hollywood. You're in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta work for the little kid.

What's your big dream then? I would love to make, to make TV and movies, really is. Right and star on your own shit? Yeah, I would love to. That's the dream. I would love to. And it took me a long time to figure that out.

Well, no, yeah, you're in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't believe in that only because I feel like all of my heroes when I was a kid. Really, the most prominent ones didn't really pop until they were older. It's, it's as long as that is still possible for a woman acting. Yeah, it is.

Then I'm like, great. It's got to be. Yeah. It's got to be because times are, you. Hollywood is a young person's game for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's room for experience and room for wisdom, and I think that will never go away.

Yeah. You know, I don't think that'll ever change. But yeah, it's undoubtedly when I watch, I don't watch anything anymore. Yeah, because I don't want to. Yeah. And everything I see that does pop up, I'm always like, yeah, it's like a young person show

or it's a new, like the Love L.A. show. I love L.A. Yeah. That's what's, you know, like immediately, like I saw that. And there's no knock on them, but like, I'm remarkably uninterested. in that but that's all I have no connective tissue to that it's like young being young and cool in LA yeah yeah I feel like even watching you are old being old and uncool thank you but you

are in LA yeah yeah I'm near it do you love it we're in the valley yeah oh yeah that's like in our own little you really got nothing no brother this is I'm in Jersey Plus that's what this is this is Jersey Plus you take the I like LA just fine I mean I'd if I could that's the that's the that's the sequel to I love LA I like LA just fine yeah that's a real LA they're showing that show there's no that show was showing like the real fucking gut of L.A. Well, that show is showing

Cool kid. Cool kids. Yeah. Fuck that. You know what real L.A. is, dude? Real L.A. Real L.A. is deep in the valley. Up here. This is it. The old Italian restaurants, these old little, like, tiny shops. You know, we went to the balloon guy this morning

to get my buddy's kid a balloon. He loves balloons and every time we're out there. So we went to the balloon shop. And the balloon shop is maybe from the 60s. and it's never been cleaned once. It's horrifically filthy. It's a hazard for sure should be closed down. And stuff is on the, you know, he's got like shelves that are about to fall.

Yeah, there is asbestos. When the shelves fall, that guy's going to die of asbestos poisoning. But I need that to be open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To feel like human. I mean, the real L.A. feels like it is still from 1950 to 1975 and like nothing, like it is frozen in time. 100%. Go deep into Burbank and that is the greatest.

Smokehouse. Smoke house, one of the best restaurants. It's just these places feel they are frozen in time, but you need that. Like, I don't want the infusion of new shit. It just takes away from the beauty of... Look, this is all going away anyway.

Just leave it alone for a little bit longer. You know what I mean? Don't touch it for a little bit. We're going to fall into the ocean. Just let it be. Just let it be. Just leave it for it. Let the balloon guy have his bullshit shop.

Because he's funny. And he makes jokes as he blows up the balloons. So I live in Ridgewood, and I walked two blocks to... I had to get something printed. I was like blowing up a joke poster for my boyfriend for Christmas and I walked to a print shop. Rad gift by the way.

Thank you. That's cool. I photoshopped him on his face onto his favorite movie poster and like wrote some joke. That's cool. What's the movie? Falling Down with... Oh yeah. It's a great movie.

It starts the name. Anyway, I can't remember what his name is. No, it's a great fucking movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Thank you, thank you. It's a great movie.

You photoshopped him on the Falling Down. Stewart onto the falling down. That's great. And I made some fake tagline. And I printed, I wanted to get it like blown up and framed. And so I went to a print shop and walked two blocks into like the heart of Ridgewood. Yeah. Which is still, which, you know, feels like it's out of the 30s.

Yeah. And this guy, this old Italian guy who runs this print shop and I started talking and it was like taking for, you know, it's like it goes slow. Yeah. Because they live 50s. years ago. Yeah. And so we wound up talking and it turns out that he knows Chris DeSephano and his whole family. Everybody knows Chris DeStefano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess maybe that's, I actually maybe had a very normal experience. I did not have a spectacular experience whatsoever. But it was like, you know, it just feels so like, oh yeah. Yeah, who DeStefano? I love that kid.

Yeah. That kid, a little real fucking snot rag. He used to come around in when he was a little boy. We shit all over his face, a little fucking, remember what this stuff? His wife in the back. What? Who? No, shut up. I got a customer. Yeah, those worlds, if they go away, if it's just someone at a cash register asking for 25% for pouring a coffee and a yoga studio combined, it becomes like this.

Everything's meaningless. That's why I think I'm doing it. We're opening a bar here. I'm going to open a Chicago bar here, an old school. Chicago bar. I'm going to try. Great. I'm certainly going to try. I want to. Great. I want something old and gross and dirty and fun and nasty. Do you want, are you looking for places

that are going, that like look like that already? You kind of got to take over something that maybe had a liquor license before so it's easier to operate. You want someone that's failing. There's one around the corner from here that's failing. They had to go fund me to keep them open. This fucking vulture, circling. Oh, you got to.

Waiting for it to die. Just, you know, like you picture you're an animal on the Savannah and you're sort of walking your last few steps and you just see Andrew Sandino running a circle around you. I go outside of the bar at night. A sign your small business is failing. Yeah, it's just. Andrews, Andrew Santino starts clawing outside of your door. And they're inside cleaning glass like, maybe it's time to close. I would like that.

We've lived a good life. Yeah, I would like something like that. Something that keeps me grounded in LA a little bit, because otherwise I am going to say goodbye after all the shows are done. If the pods kind of go away and at some point, then I'm going to be like, I've got to get out of here. That's fun. You're planning for the eventual failure of our industry.

I'm hitting the eject button. No, I don't. Not to fail, it's just, I mean the eventual, like, I don't mean that pessimistically. I mean, like, realistically. Well, I feel like I just would want the next stage in life or whatever that is, you know. And I don't, who knows? You're just getting in, dude. Yeah.

You just, the water. It's so warm for you. Oh, and it's warming up. You know what I am? I'm in the hotel when they turned off the hot tub at a certain hour, and it's slowly starting to cool down. And I'm like, can't you just turn it back on? And the guy's like, brother, we stop at 11 men.

I'm so sorry. And I have to sit in it. You keep trying to push to turn the jets back on and they're like, we unplugged it. Won't click over. And I'm just sitting in there and now it's only like 74 degrees. I'm like, it's still warmish, but I got to get out of here eventually. But it's cold outside, so I just don't want to do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's about to be... It's not good here, but it's way worse out there. Yeah, exactly. So I'm just sitting in it. Well, I hope all your dreams come true. Thank you.

I hope all your dreams come true. You're very talented and wonderful, and I hope America sees not just your movie, but your live show, you're touring. Yeah, just taped a special, and that'll come out at some point. When? We'll shop it. We're going to shop it a little bit, and then... Hello, Netflix. Figure it out.

Hey, you... Or whoever. You call them. I can't call them anymore. I have a restraining order from going over there because I would stand outside. Ha! Ha!

The only days that they're stock drops. They better, well, somebody better pick it up. Do you have a name for it? The working title right now is dibs. Dibs? Yeah. Great. Fantastic. Quick, easy.

I get it, dude. I got dibs on that. Are you on tour? Do you want to plug tours? I am on tour. I would love to plug tour. Well, this comes out not right away, but just give them the idea of where you're going.

Great. I'm going to D.C., Philly, Burlington, Fargo. Ooh, Fargo. Yeah, yeah. That was not a Fargo accent. No, that was Boston. But it is fun to say Fargo in a Boston accent. Fago.

Yeah, hey, park your car and Fago. No, you're going to Fargo. Oh, Fargo. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, Fargo. Yeah, going up to Fargo. So I'll fly into Minnesota and then I'll pick up my car at my mom's house, and then I'll just drive the five hours north.

Skinnyapolis over to. to Fargo. You're playing Otsego? Otsego! That's literally where I'm from. You know, it's funny that I just backed out of that show in a way that they are very mad at. Oh, you're not doing. Why would you play it? I had to go to a different town to go to middle school and high school. It's even big enough for a middle school or a high school. Well, you know what? That's why she's not fucking doing it.

Dude, that's insane. I went. I don't think I can swing that. But she's not in. But she will be in Fargo. Yeah. So go see her. Yeah. Yeah, everything, Chloe Radcliffe.com. Chloe Radcliffe.com. Or at Chloe Badcliff on all social. I'm so stupid. How old are you? 35? Very young. Very young. Fresh out of high school, Chloe Radcliffe. Please go see her on tour. So funny.

We end the show the same way. You look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode to end the episode. Some people have a phrase of wisdom of a quote. Some people just want to say one word. But either way, you end the episode your way. One word. Meeting in a bathroom. In here. We pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisked. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You only $5 for the whisked horse. Ginger's, oh hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.