Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Chris Distefano - The Chrissy D Residency Part 2

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

Santino sits down with WG resident, Chrissy Chaos, Chris Distefano to chat about our ratings on Wikifeet, the naming of his future son, we call Bert Kreischer to check in on him and traumatizing his kids on the 405. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! MANSCAPED - Clean up your balls and your beard now with the best in mens grooming https://www.manscaped.com/ Get 20% off use promo code WHISKEY20 BESPOKE POST Get an amazing collection of home and bar and outdoor goods https://www.bespokepost.com/start Promo code WHISKEY for 20% off your first box!!! HEADSPACE - Guided meditation can help you get into a mentally healthy place for meditation made simple. https://www.headspace.com/whiskey ONE MONTH FREE!! Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. It's the Chrissy D. Residency episode two of this guy back in the studio. I love Chrissy D. I'm so happy that he's here for a while shooting so we can do these Whisk Ginge. We're also going to be doing some sketch stuff together that we're trying to film. So we'll see how this goes. So far, we're having a lot of fun. And I feel like I don't even need to do this, but what a disclaimer with Chrissy D. and I. We're always joking around, having a good time, and sometimes he's joking a little bit too much.

And just know, we're comedians. It's annoying to have to say this, but good God. Take almost nothing we say serious. And I mean that across all platforms. We're idiots getting paid to be idiots. So just have fun, will you? Stop trying to control the world, okay? Just sit back and have a good time. This almost means nothing, all of it. So just have fun, will you? Stop trying to control the world, okay? Just sit back and have a good time.

This almost means nothing, all of it. So just have some fun, all right? This episode is so fun, and he's such a goofball. And also he talks in the middle of the episode about I'm on tour. Salt Lake City is almost all sold out. We have one show left that we added on Thursday night. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.

Also, Addison, sorry, Addison slash Dallas, the Addison Improv in Dallas. Those shows are selling out very fast, so please go get those as well, andrewsantino.com. Also happy to announce Boston. Boston, baby! The Wilbur Theater. I'm coming to Boston. We're finally making it happen in October. They opened up theaters. Let's go, dude. Let's go to fucking Boston, bro. I'm excited as shit to go to the Wilbur Theater in Boston. We sold it out the first time, then Roan's hit, and then, yes, we're back again finally. right now at noon. It should be at noon right now when this episode is out. So go buy them tickets if you're a Bostonian. I love you so very much and I cannot wait to see you guys.

If you're looking for more content like this, go to the Patreon, patreon.com slash whiskeygingerpodcast. I do Zooms with the top tier. We're doing YouTube live stuff, all sorts of discounts. Then we do Cheeto chats, which are the solo episodes.

So go there and andrewsantino.com for tickets. Also the merch. If you're looking for the merch here on YouTube, look down below. So all that stuff is down there or it's at andrewsantino.com in the store. You can click on that to go hunt for what I got. All right, I'm done rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Okay. Check two. Six, like gingers. Okay, check two. 68969.

Tekashi69. Tekashi69. Tekashi69. All right. Yeah. Tekashi69. Tekashi69. Tekashi69.

Tekashi69. Tekashi69. Tekashi69. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth because he's a resident while he's in town. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Chris DeStefano. Whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey. We're not drinking whiskey today because it's early. Early bird. Papa had to work out today. I worked out this morning. Did you work out today? No, I'm working out this afternoon.

You worked out in the morning. I worked out in the morning. I was supposed to go with Brendan Schaub to his gym, but I couldn't because I had to get a COVID test. And the nurse came over and she was hot.

It was hotty. Yeah, and she came over and she gave me a COVID test. She gave my girl a COVID test and then she gave my kids COVID tests. Wait, seriously? Yeah, dude. Kids can't get it, right?

I got to be honest with you. Yeah. Seriously, like, I'm not going to be one of those guys who's like, I'm going to fucking hate LA because it's stupid. LA is a great city. Yeah.

But the COVID hysteria here is a little scary to us. We're going off. Although, do you know what today is? You know what today is? Hitler's birthday? Yes, it is! Yeah! Yeah!

Kyle! Edit it. It's a clip it out! Clip it! It's, uh, no, it's today is our first day open our first day open indoors so let's give it up for la for letting people dine indoors today let's do it six months later by the way we're uh honestly i do think that they'll be letting people in eat indoors and then um kovu's gonna hit like a little few small communities and they're gonna

shut it down again so get ready but it's one of those things where like you know with this covey wovey i just feel like too even like i was jogging the other day like with no mask on which is like okay in new york because you're not around people i jog with no mask because i'm in my neighborhood right i'm near nobody you're near nobody yeah and i'm like and i'm just like you know people look at you and with this stink eye and i'm like listen dude like what do you want me to do? That's what I say. Listen, dude. Cause it gets to the point where it's like, okay, listen, I want to be, I want to just walk up to somebody and be like, look, Trump lost. Okay. You don't have to fucking, you don't have to, you know,

make this a political issue with the mask anymore. You won. You won. You're a fucking guy won. Yeah. So you don't have to, you could take the mask off now. You way. The fucking guy won. Yeah. So you don't have to, you can take the mask off now. Wei Zhongzhen.

I didn't say it. I didn't say it. But you know what I'm saying? Where it's just, you want to walk up. The hysteria is bonkers. It's a little crazy out here. Look, we said this before. I think we should be safe,

but I'm also like, sometimes, but that's the irony, right? Like I walked into my breakfast place today and I got us breakfast and then people are eating inside. Who's us? My other family.

I didn't know about her. You Who's us? People are eating inside. Who's us? My other family. I didn't know. I didn't know about her. You jealous? Yeah. Her. Wrong. Oh, fuck. By the way, there was a few articles published a long time ago that said,

is Andrew Santino gay? And then, who's my lover? And they were searching for who my male lovers were. Who was it? And my dad found out, and he was like, what is this? You're gay online stuff. What is this? I'm like, don't worry about it.

I know. Dude, it says I'm gay there, too. But what can you do? We're is this? I'm like, don't worry about it. I know, dude. It says I'm gay there too. But what can you do? I'm the one that put it out there. Yeah. I like leaking it. I like leaking it to the press. I have a goal.

I want to get on WikiFeet. I want to get my puppies. You got your puppies on WikiFeet? I'm on my WikiFeets. Wow, pull it up. But I want to see how much I am now because I think it changed. What was your original rating? WikiFeet.

You know, the guy from H3, Ethan, showed it to me. I like that kid, Ethan. Oh, no, no, no, not WikiFeet. The men one is different. Oh. Oh, I can't get men's feet on WikiFeet? No, WikiFeet for men is called something else, and I'm stupid, but it's called...

You're not stupid, Andrew. What is it? It's not WikiFeet men. Let me see. Andrew Santino. I was on there. Right. Because I got cutesy-pootsies.

Oh, I am. You do? I am on there. What's it I got cutesy-pootsies. Oh, I am. You do? I am on there. What's it called? No, it's literally MenWikiFeet. MenWiki.WikiFeet. MenWikiFeet. 4.9 out of 5.

4.9, 1 out of 5. Yummy. Some of these images are hot, hot, hot. Let's see. 4.9 out of 5 on MenWikiFeet. And I got to tell you, do you know why? Because I take good care of my feetsy-poots. You do.

I wash them. I clip my nails. Nothing is more repulsive to me when guys have nasty toenails oh i'm on it too what do you got papa uh buddy i got a 3.21 out of five i got bad feet i got really nice feet apparently i've had a lot of comments about my feet on the webs that's that's your foot that's disgusting's gross. I have what's called hammer toes. Hammer toes. Yeah, so I came out, when I was born, I came out with my thumbs flexed in and my toes flexed over. They had to break them apart. Wait, because they were crossed?

They were crossed. They're called hammer toes. Yuck. And I have what's called trigger thumbs. Look at that. Well, that's trigger thumbs because you trigger everybody with what you say. Wow. Trigger thumbs. You look jacked right there. You're beefy. I was in better shape back then. No, but you're still beefy.

I'm not as beefy as I was. Now I'm thick, but I've lost the muscle because of Rhone. Because of Rhone. But here's the thing with you, because of Rice-A-Rona. Because you, but you don't, you don't, you don't get fat, though. You get skinny, which I get tubby. See, yeah, I won't get fat because I won't stress eat. I'll stress not eat. I'll just get depressed, and then I won't eat fat because I won't stress eat. I'll stress not eat.

I'll just get depressed, and then I won't eat, and I'll just drink booze and go to bed. Right. That's not good. So there's times where literally only the calories you're putting in your body are from the booze? No, I'll have a small meal during the day, but then at night I'll have a couple of sips of something,

and then I'll take a nap. Yeah, because I've been working hard trying to lose weight. But for me, I've noticed, like, I've been out here for six days now, and I feel like I've put on five or six pounds. But I can feel it in my body because, for me, if I'm the kind – because I have fat parents genetically. So if I don't – I have something called – it's called metabolic syndrome X. My dad has diabetes.

My mom has high blood pressure. And we are the type, a metabolic syndrome X kid, we have, we get, we get bad genetics. We get blood pressure and high sugar, which I have. And we get fat quick. Wait a minute. So I gotta try to be careful. Are you pre-diabetic?

I'm pre-diabetic. And I have, my blood pressure is 131 over 82. So it's not, it's not terrible. What's good? 120 over 80 or below. That's probably, I'm somewhere near there.'t know if that's good. What's good? 120 over 80 or below. That's probably, I'm somewhere near there. You know, you're good. I can tell you're a healthy kid.

You're a healthy, wealthy kid. I don't know, man. Sometimes, I've been eating, lately I had not been, like I've been eating anything I want. What'd you eat for breakfast this morning when you went into the place? Breakfast burrito. Wow.

With bacon and potatoes. And potatoes. But you know what I do? I eat half of it with the tortilla, and then the other half I just dig out the insides because I don't need a massive, huge, the tortilla and then the other half I just dig out the insides because I don't need a massive, huge... The tortilla they give you is this big. I'm not kidding.

Really? Yeah, because Southern California, we have the best Mexican food on planet Earth. And so these spots, they make the most authentic, handmade tortillas. So they give you these huge... They're the size of a large pizza. I can't eat all that tortilla. What'd your wife eat? She finished what I didn't eat

and then ate two other burritos because she's a chubber. Yeah, she's chunky, chunky, chunky. I like fat chicks. I like fat chicks. Yo, well, yeah, I know. I don't let her eat, by the way. I don't let her eat before noon.

Yeah, you can't. No, you don't get to eat before noon. I know, dude. I posted a picture of my girl's belly the other day. I mean, she's bloated. She's looking good. Yeah, but she's fucking, you see her fucking.

Are you seeing the baby kick? Oh, yeah, because I keep forgetting I have a baby in there. There's a baby in there. There's a baby in there because I was like, hey, you got to fucking chill on the Pepsis. But there's a bambino. There's a little bambino. We can't feel the baby kick. She can.

I can feel like little bumpers. But she could feel it doing like spin moves in the uterus. It's doing capoeira inside? Yes. It's doing capoeira. Yes. Because it is Latin, so it does have some capoeira in there. It does Zumba.

Yeah, my daughter said yesterday because she was like, my girl was like, oh, I don't really feel the baby moving. And my stepson was like, it's probably bored. So my daughter was like, mom, you should just swallow a toy and let the baby play with the toy. And I was like, it's a great idea. That's brilliant. That's a brilliant idea. Swallow a toy. Let it have some fun down there.

How many months? She's six months. Three months left. Three months left. I'm good at math. You know what the due date is? I told you this. July 4th.

Really? Yes. America's birthday. Independence Day. America's fucking birthday. You got to name your kid America. Or Indy. Indy. Donald. Donnie got to name your kid America. Or Indy. Indy.

Donald. Donnie. Donnie. Donnie. What if you name your kid Donald Trump DiStefano? That's what I want to do. I want to name my kid... Don DiStefano is a pretty wild name.

By the way, that's a normal name. There's got to be a Don DiStefano in your family somewhere. There's not one in my family, but I mean, it has to be. If your name's Don DiStefano, there has to be someone named Don DiStefano listening to this podcast. So please tweet at us. Shout out Don DiStefano. How about this? Donald Trump DiStefano.

What do we think? I hope it comes up. By the way, you guys are watching. Hey, Johnny DiStefano. There you go. I got an Uncle Johnny. Donald, Donald, John Trump, John DiStefano speaking engagements. By the way, we're on the set of Whiskey Ginger.

Andrew Santino and I have started our new show called Good Friends. Good Friends. Good Friends. Speaking of which, last night, me and this good friend, we did a show together in Hollywood. We did two shows. I'm your G-O-O-D friend, and then Bobby's your G-O-O- Friend. You fill in the blank.

You're actually a good friend because i said let's meet at the show and i was running late and you showed up and we did two shows together we did we had a good time it was really fun actually honestly the the in the round i've done it for like three weeks now i'm really getting used to like that rhythm the round doing a stand-up show in the round it's tough though at least it was tough for me to get my bearings because i'm like when i look at one way in the crowd and you know you got to kind of like set it up where like the punch line has to land. Like you have to pick where you're going to land in a way. Like you can't just do your jokes.

Like I realized a couple of jokes I messed up on the first show is because I started the joke to one side and did the punch line on the other. Where it's like you got to, if you're going to stay there, you got to stay one way. You commit to one angle of people that look like they're having the most fun yeah i commit to them and then i move to someone if i feel their vibe is whack then i go to the other side i keep shifting around we did the round when i was with rogan we did it in san diego state i at their arena whatever what's the name aztecs yeah and they were great that round was so much fun and at first i was intimidated because we had done arenas before, but I had never done a round arena. No, no, me neither.

Because arena stage is genuinely kind of just the same. At some point it feels the same as big theaters. Right. Because some of the big theaters, you can't see the back anyway. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. But the round, you see everybody.

Everything. Everybody. Yeah. I felt like yesterday during that, you know, doing the show on the round, I was just a little bit like, it was weird. Logan Paul was in the front row. Oh, yeah. LP was there. I the round, I was just a little bit like it was weird. Logan Paul was in the front row.

Oh, yeah. LP was there. I want to get on your YouTubes. LP was there. LP was there. LP was there with his buddies and his crew and his clique. And he applauded. He was very nice, very polite.

I said hello to him. I met him after the show. What a nice kid. I never met him before. Great kid. Nice kid. Multi, multi, multi, multi, multi, multi millionaire. Millionaire.

I looked up online what he was selling Pokemon cards for. Those are that FTP stuff or whatever. Yeah. He made three and a half million in one day. Oh, yeah. NFT. He gave my, you know, because we went to. FTP.

I'm a dad. I'm a dad. You selling HIVs, Pokemons. Yes. What are you doing? I did. I went and exercised at his house a couple of days ago and I brought my stepson and he gave my

one of his friends gave my stepson a freaking mint edition Pokemon card does your stepson know who he is? yes he's old enough to be in that he does but you know what was cool

about my stepson he knew who he was but he didn't fanboy it at all he was like it wasn't until we got back in the car and we were leaving I was like do you know who that is?

he was like yeah it's Logan Paul I'm like you didn't freak out he was like he's just on YouTube I was like you! that kid is so cool he's cool you didn't freak out he was like he's just on youtube i was like so yeah that kid is so cool cool cool he's just on youtube he goes he's just on youtube i was like yeah but you see like how cool his house

was or whatever and then my steps was like my dad has a bigger house than that i was like no he doesn't no he doesn't he lives in a studio in long island he lives in the basement of a chinese restaurant in benston hearst kid. A little different. Wait, how old is he? 13, the kid? No, no, no. My step-pie's 10. 10, okay.

10-year-old kid. 10 might be too young to be in that world of Logan Paul. I think 14, 15 might really have him better. Well, no, he knows Logan Paul because he loves Pokemon, so he's seen Pokemon stuff that Logan Paul does. So I'm really ignorant. What do you do? Logan Paul gets Pokemons. And then he, like, opens them up.

And then he sells them after he opens them. I think so. part i don't know what he does right because he's got boxes of them on the internet yeah i think it's all about the opening things and then what's the uti thing that he's selling what's the uti thing that he is is a type of cryptocurrency it's a non-fungible token it's like that i can't really explain it even though i'm christy crypto and the crypto king you should i can't really explain it what it is but i Christy Crypto and the Crypto King. You should. I can't really explain it, what it is, but I know that it's a lot of money, and I know that I was going to buy a house along the island with my family, but I've told them to hold tight because I got the whole thing in crypto. Okay.

Yeah, so I got the whole thing in crypto. All in crypto. I put it all in crypto because, listen, I felt like, I feel like, you know, people, I'm watching these documentaries, and they're saying that the gold, there's no gold to back up the dollar and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said, Elon Musk, I'm listening to whatever Elon Musk says. I don't have any Doge coins. You know the Doge coins? Dogecat, the performer?

Dogecat. Killed it last night. Dogecat did do well. She did very, very well. Very well. Very talented. Very talented. Very good.

Trevor Noah bombed. Very talented. Very talented. Very good. Trevor Noah bombed! I can't believe you can't find any jokes in that $27 million house. It's such a big house. There's no rooms with jokes in there, my friend. It was terrible.

Because it's very hard to host that show. I'm just going to be honest. It's very hard to do what he's doing. I'm not hating on Trevor Noah. It is a nightmare gig. Nightmare? You can't win. The only one that you can win win nightmare you can't win hosting

the only one that you can win at is hosting the Golden Globes like Gervais does because yeah all you have to do is shit on them yeah

they love it they think it's so funny and then somebody complains every year that the host that Gervais is being rude or mean but it's like

you paid him to do that you know they try to go after Bill Burr after his presentation they get over it was hilarious Bill didn't even address it you won't even believe this

tweet yeah his wife his wife do you know her yes she's like one of the coolest presentation. It was hilarious. Dill didn't even address it. You won't even believe this tweet. Yeah. His wife, his wife, Naya, do you know her? Yes.

She's like one of the coolest fucking people on planet Earth. Yeah. She retweeted some moron. Look at how, look at this dipshit this morning. She retweeted this. Tell me if this guy doesn't deserve to get

hit by a fucking bus. This guy, somebody says, a bunch of Gen Z idiots calling Bill Burr a racist. Meanwhile, and then put up a photo of Burr and Naya together, his wife, who is a beautiful, wonderful black woman. And then this guy says, while I'm not suggesting Bill Burr is a racist,

a white man having a non-white wife can sometimes be a sign of racism. What? Look at this, look at this, look at this. And then this idiot goes on. So you shouldn't assume someone isn't racist just because they own a minority sex servant. They may very well have one because they're racist. Wowzers. Dude, at first I thought, this guy's a comedian.

This has got to be a joke. Yeah, no. No, this isn't a comic. He said, owned a sex servant. He said, owned a sex servant because that's when white men get black wives, he's saying that they're, that's them owning a sex service.

So she retweeted it being like, look at this lunacy. Yeah. She retweeted this moron and go, and she wrote, bitch, shut the fuck up, which is like,

perfect. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Put some respect on my name. I think she's the shit. And then by the way, this guy, I wanted to go,

I wanted to say something. And I thought, what a waste of my time. This guy's obviously right. At some point you're like I'm not going to, I can't even engage with. Like, because it seems so fake. It seems like it's a bit saying that you own a minority sex servant. That sounds like he's making, he thinks he's being funny. I don't even believe that that person's a real person.

I genuinely. This is bot shit? I believe that that's bots. I genuinely in my heart of heart believe that 99% of that stuff's bots. I genuinely, in my heart of heart, believe that 99% of that stuff are not, if you're going to send a hate tweet like that, what I think you legally should have to do

is record a video of you saying exactly that. You have to, you have to prove to me that you're a real person because if not, then that's just

automated bullshit to me. Here's what's crazy. He's verified. This guy's name is Clayburn Griffin. Sounds like he was part of the fucking, sounds like he was from the north. Yeah. From the south, from the south, from the south. Yeah. He's verified. This guy's name is Claiborne Griffin. Sounds like he was part of the fucking... Oh, it's he a little...

Sounds like he was from the north. Yeah. From the south. From the south. From the south. Yeah. He was from the south. I'm good at computers, and they're good at me.

Lovington, New Mexico. Queens, New York. Claiborne Griffin. Queens, New York. This guy's name is Claiborne Griffin. Imagine your name was Claiborne. Do you know this guy, Claiborne Griffin? No.

Who is he? He's a writer, wordslinger, and a digital frontier. He has many stories to tell, and a few already... You can find his writings. I don't want to promote this guy. Please don't look him up. Anyway, I don't want to promote this loser. That's the kind of stuff that made me go, oh, that's it. We're over. We're done. But it's just one of those things where it's like

even like, you know, I was excited because we thought Bill Burr was going to come last night but I think he got sick or something. He didn't feel well. He said he didn't feel well. I'm sure he's overworking himself like a dog. Yeah, he's working his ass off. That guy's shooting 90 things at once. But dude, you girl is pretoria can you so she don't tell anybody don't tell ice but she is a latin and so she she saw what bill burr said yesterday presenting a latino latin some type of word and she was like what is the problem with this she was like i was

laughing she's like that's a funny thing to say was like, because it is crazy that he's a white guy presenting that. She's like, but it's funny. He's a comedian. Like, we loved it. So she was like, I loved it. I thought it was great. And that's exactly what she said. She said, here's the thing is you being an entertainment.

Well, she was talking to me. She was like, you being an entertainment, Chris, she was like, you think that normal people carry on with this stuff? She's like, the normal person probably didn't even watch the Grammys last night. And she was like, and if they did, the Bill Burr thing came and went, and nobody cared. Nobody cares. She's like, think about what a psychopath you have to be to go on Twitter and voice your outrage because of a comedian saying something. Do you know what an absolute, truly mentally ill person you have to be

to do that in the first place? The rampant narcissism you have to be exhibiting in the first place to be like, look at me, these negative tweets, it's all bullshit. It's fucking- It's idle hands of the devil's play toy. We've said this before.

What did you just say? Idle hands of the devil's play toy. Idle hands of the devil's play toy. Idle hands of the devil's play toy. He nodded. In here, we pour whiskey. Welcome back to MTV's Spring Break. Hey, man, Spring Break is here. And you want to look good when you're on the beach with the ladies or the dudes or whoever, or whatever gender non-specific person that you're into. It doesn't really matter.

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That's boxofawesome.com. Enter the code WHISKEY at checkout, baby. That's boxofawesome.com. Enter the code WHISKEY for 20% off your first box. All it is is people are bored out of their fucking mind because of the pandy, and then they feel like this is a good outlet for them to say some dumb shit. People need to go back to work. Yeah, they're bored. Literally, people need to go back to fucking work. Yes.

We can't continue to just sit at home. Even if the Pandy Wandy gets you, they'll let the Pandy Wandy get you because it's better, I'd rather people start dying in droves

than be sitting at home getting mad on internet outrage stuff. But I think we're past it now in the sense of Bill Burr, nothing's gonna happen to Bill Burr.

Yeah, but he doesn't address that stuff. See, he's too smart to address it. That's the other thing we should take a note on is when the smallest group in the world gets angry

at something that you said, you just move forward because your big majority of your fans don't give a fuck at all. No. Burn never addresses that stuff. It's remarkable.

When he did the SNL bit, there was bullshit, phony articles popping up being like, how insensitive. He didn't even, he didn't even like turn his shoulder

to look at that stuff. No. It was incredible. But that's the kind of stuff that we should take a note from. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. I 100% agree. Like Gervais said that that gervais said uh he tweeted something that was

like people are always like what can you say now what can you say he goes look you can say fucking anything that you want some of the things you say are going to piss some people off you either you either address that or you just keep going on your merry way yeah that's i think just keep fucking i think literally there's so many where you know the world is so big the internet's so big there's so many people there's so many there's literally dude you wake up and there's just problems problems problems problems problems so whatever problem you might be in the crosshairs of is gone in a day in a day it's our peers like you said who keep retweeting the hate and be like look look at what this person said about me. Shut up.

Why give any of those losers power? Why would you ever give them power? Just move on. I probably should blank out his name so no one knows who he is. That way we'll cut that loser's name because then he doesn't give them any weight. Because when you talk about it, it gives them weight. That's what they want. By the way, I heard, speaking of weight, Bert Kreischer.

He put on weight again? I think he tweeted something that was really, I think he said, he tweeted something that was really, I don't know if he got Rones. Did he? I don't know. Is he going to die,

Bert, or he's going to make it? If he gets it, he's got that Mickey Man with you. I'm calling Bert. What's up, buddy? Hey,

you're on my podcast with me and DeStefano. How are you, baby? I'm doing awesome. Dude, did you get Rona? You tweeted about it this morning,

and I was like, did you get it? I tweeted about it. I tweeted that I had coronavirus? Yeah. What did I tweet? Hold on. Bird, say hi to DeStefano.

Hi, Bird. What's up, Chris? How you doing? Good, baby. How are you? Okay, hold on. I'm doing awesome. Bird, you didn't-

You are. You're just a happy guy. Yeah, because he's living the fucking dream. He's always like, I'm doing awesome, but then we'll read one day in the news, Bird Kreischer commits suicide. He's always like, I'm doing awesome, but then we'll read one day in the news, Burt Kreischer commits suicide. Let me tell you something. I have a soothing thought that if I ever get really freaked out about cancer, I'll just kill myself and know that I won't die from cancer.

It's amazing, dude. You should do it on the tour bus and let your openers come find your body. Yeah, it's a Burt hide-and-go-seek. Hide-and-go-seek. Hide-and-go-suicide. Or you know, here's the fucking big money. Why don't you and Tommy do a live stream and you do the suicide and people have to pay Friday night.

Whoa. No, no late show. No late show. No late show. That's what it's called. No, Bert, look, today you, 17 hours ago you wrote fucking COVID and I was like, no, did you get COVID?

Oh, wait, what? Oh, I was drunk. I was pretty drunk last night. There you go. We're good. Yeah. Then that's fine. All all right we wanted to check in with you because we love you we got concerned no no i got that mickey mantel gene man i said i sat with dr drew for fucking two hours fucking three feet from him when he was contagious and i didn't get it dude you know you know how i got it chris gave it to me through a friend, and Chris didn't get it. He literally transferred the disease. He was the middleman.

Really? Yes. Yeah, three times I've been in a room with someone who's had it for multiple hours, and I haven't gotten it. He's like you, man. We've got to get you tested for the Mickey Mantle gene to see if you got it. Get me tested for the Mickey Mantle. Because this guy, he might have it.

He might have it and just be giving it. I don't even know if you're looking at my Instagram, but I'm deadlifted 305 without any training. I mean, come on, bro. We saw. It is incredible. You know Chrissy's been training with Logan Paul all week. No way.

Yes, he has. Yes, he's going to his gym. He says, tell him what you said about him boxing, too, by the way. Well, no, not him. Ryan Garcia. Ryan Garcia was hitting the bag in the gym, and watching this guy rip and just throw hooks to the bag. I was like, ouchie, fouchie.

That would hurt me. And by the way, he's 20 years old, the kid. 20 years old and he will get his fucking balls licked. He hits and Chris is attracted to him. Oh, gorgeous kid. Whenever he swings at the bag, Chris gets hard. I told my girl when I got home that night, I was like, you need to start looking more like Ryan Garcia if you want me to keep fucking you. I got to tell you, Ben.

looking more like Ryan Garcia if you want me to keep fucking you. I got to tell you, Ben, I got to tell you, I really sincerely hope that Ben Askren is appreciative of what Logan Paul's done for his career. Huge. His wife is now, like, legit getting sponsors to post on her Instagram. She went from, like, 700 followers to 15,000 overnight. Wow. And now she's making loot.

I mean, and by the way, Ben Askren's like a household name now. We're talking about him like legit. I'm excited for this fight. I'm more excited for this fight than I'm excited for anything I've seen lately. Honestly, it's a good boost. He knows it, though. Chrissy was telling me that the coordination that's going on behind the scenes that no one knows about, it's

there and they keep it. It's like wrestling. It truly is wrestling. It's the same thing. It is. And Askren knows. Askren's appreciative. It truly is wrestling. It's the same thing. It is. It is. Yeah. Yeah. And Askren knows. Askren's appreciative. You know what I mean?

Like I said. I would make a great boxer. I would make a great boxer. I am all about promotion. I could do this so well. Like, man, I'm telling, maybe I'll start training for boxing. You know, I'm just going to get ripped. I'm going to do a cycle of steroids, get ripped, and transition into boxing.

I swear to God. You know how much fun this would be to have the comedy community behind a boxing crew? We should all be on test. We should all be on testosterone. I need to be on test for sure. I want to be on it. I definitely do need it. I mean, Bert doesn't need it.

This guy's filled with it. It's ridiculous. My trainer said to me last night, I tied one on. I apparently tweeted out that I had COVID without having it. And then I tied one on. I came in, and I had to do like 2,000 meters on the rower to start, and I'm just sweating piss out of my body. It's horrific.

And then I get done. I get done. I mean, a legit workout. Like, did shoulders, did chest, did flies, did inclines, did gorilla lifts. I mean, I did everything. And I get done, and my trainer my trainers look at me and she goes, I don't get it. Like, people aren't supposed to be able to bounce back

when they get wasted the night before. I was like, I don't know, man. I love it. You have something special brewing inside you. I don't know what it is. Yes. You've got this thing where you're, I've never met someone that's able to drink and run.

I can't drink and run. No. You can have a couple of drinks and have a run like it's not even a thing. If I have a drink, I need a nap. Same. If you get me a cocktail on a treadmill

with some girl talk playing, I can dance and drink and run. I have the funnest time. And literally, if you saw me, you'd go, this guy's crazy. He's out of his mind.

Why is he wearing a cowboy hat? But that's just the way I do it. You're in the bear community and the gay community. You're an honest dream. Dancing to girl talk on a treadmill, that's like a wet dream that's what we want

somebody's fucking wet dream 100% dude I'm so glad that you're not that you don't have COVID I'll let you go we love you love you Bert Chrissy's here for two months

so he wants to say hi to you while he's here can I come work out in your house can we get can we get Bert to go to Logan's house yes let's all go over there

and go you want to go train over there Bert dude I would love to let's go do that let's do that alright alright we'll. You want to go train over there, Bert? Dude, I would love to. Let's go do that. Let's do that. All right. All right.

We'll set it up. All right? All right. Love you guys. Bye, Bert. Love you, babe. Yeah, dude. So does Bert work out in his house?

Where does Bert work out? Yeah, he's got his little, he's got his man cave and he's got one of those, you know, those treadmills. He's got the, you know, the self-generating one where you push, you know, he's got that too. But this guy, he's got the row machine. He was doing 2000 meters. So if he didn't drink, he would actually be like a jacked.

Have you ever seen photos of him when he was younger? Was he jacked? It's absurd. Like jacked and ripped? He's just in great shit. He was just like a solid dude. He looked solid as shit. You know what he looked like?

He looked like a college rugby player. Do you know what I mean? Right. Because rugby players, they're never super cut no but they're always no they're solid that the best word i can say i don't know solid as a rock i couldn't tell you like if you put a rugby game on in front of me i would have i mean not a clue what's happening yeah no no no i don't know fancy football you mean fancy football i'd be like yeah what do they do they're allowed to kick it they're allowed to run with it they're allowed to toss it you're allowed to hit people that don't

even have the ball, which I think is wild. You know what's interesting, though, about rugby? First of all, they all do it, and they do it all in college shirts, right? They wear just full college shirts while they're playing, don't they? Yeah, they're wearing, like, tucked-in shirts. But they have some of the lowest rates of concussion of any major sport. But they teach them how to tackle.

Right, that's the difference. So it's like football, I think the more gear you put on, the more fearless you are, and then you just get a concussion. 100%. I mean, you talk to rugby guys, too. My good friend who lives up north played rugby for a long time and rugby coach and all that stuff, and he's a tiny little meatball. Yeah.

A little squeak. Yeah. And this dude tells me all the time, he's like, you're so scared of hitting your head against somebody else's head. Like, it's a conscious thought all the time. Right. Because you don't want to bend that. No.

But in football, your first thought is, of course I'm going to lower my head. Like it's a conscious thought all the time. Right. Because you don't want to bend that. No. But in football, your first thought is, of course I'm going to lower my head. Right. To get through these people. Like there's no doubt in my mind. But he says you're more strategic when you hit because you're thinking about, well, it's not about me injuring the other guy.

I don't want to get injured by way of hitting another guy. Right. You don't want to clip a guy and then knock yourself out. No. And then take yourself out of it with a waist. You know what I mean? Yeah. Where football is like, i'm gonna i'm gonna

run as hard as i can and murder everyone in my path yeah i got smoked when i was a kid i got two concussions from football my mother wouldn't let me play football and to be honest and my father used to yell at me do you know the reason why i genuinely couldn't play football every time i put the mouthpiece in my gag reflex would go i swear now. But now you're trained. You could put three mouthpieces in your mouth and it wouldn't even matter. You could put one in the back of your throat and then two up top and bottom. No, dude, I'll never forget. There was a team called, in my neighborhood, called the Ridgedale Brewers.

That was like Ridgewood, Glendale, the Ridgedale Brewers. And I went to literally at the tryouts, the coach was like, oh, he's got to put in a mouthpiece. And my dad had one. I put it in and he put it in my mouth. It was like, like that. And I start, I come over crying, and I'm like, I can't do the mouthpiece. And my dad's like, put the mouthpiece in. And my mom's like, let him just not wear the mouthpiece. And the coach is like, if he's on this field, he has to wear a mouthpiece.

You have to. You lose your teeth. Yeah. So I put it in. I'm like, I'm just gagging on the mouthpiece. I swear. And then I literally practiced. I probably practiced for probably 15 minutes.

And then I just came over crying. I spit the mouthpiece out. I started yelling at my dad, my mom, because my parents are divorced. It was my dad's weekend. Of course they are. And my mom left with me without my dad. She's like, you're not going to get to see him. You're abusive.

Because she was like, you're making him wear that mouthpiece. Do you remember when we were young and we had to form the mouthpiece? You had to put it in boiling water and melt it. Do you remember that? And you put it in your mouth and it was still really hot. And you're like. No, but I'm telling telling you i couldn't i only never did that the only time i fast forward to like maybe a couple years ago with boxing i had to do i had to spar for like this mountain dew thing and i had to wear a mouthpiece and i had to do i had to boil it in hot water and do that but dude i i swear to

god like i kept feeling like i was going to throw up. Does that ever go away? Do you just get used to it? I mean, I got used to it over the years. But that's because I have a couple of different things in my mouthpiece. That's what it is. You understand what I'm saying? And I always had black mouth guards for some reason. I never wore any other color.

I love big black mouth guards. Love black mouth guards. If I was going to put something in my mouth, there's going to be a big black mouth guard. Do you? So you play football your whole? No, I played football in junior high. And then my dad was also, my dad literally was like, Ultimata, my friend, you want to keep playing basketball or do you want you play football your whole? No, I played football in junior high. And then my dad was also, my dad literally was like, Ultimata, my friend, you want to keep playing basketball

or do you want to play football? He goes, by the time you get to high school, probably not going to turn out so good. Yeah. Because he was like, football is just going to, you're going to get injured. So you're not, because we had a lot of guys that obviously play both basketball and football.

They transitioned in the season. But these guys were men. You know what I mean? They were grown men. They could take the hit. Right. So I was like, I can't get injured and then lose basketball. It was more important to me.

So then I quit football junior high. Well, I did freshman program. I did freshman training program for football. And then I literally told the coach, I was like, this isn't going to happen. Dude. He was like, why not? I was like, because I don't, I don't, I want to play basketball that bad. And I don't want to, I don't want to like break an ankle or, or mess up something.

Then my whole basketball season is gone. Well now, well now, see, that's the thing. And then I quit basketball senior year because of drugs. Cocaine? Just all of them. I, um, I,

I want to start playing basketball again. Like people have been like, even my dad was like, you should play basketball again. Like just pick it up. Cause that was my whole life. But it's like, dude,

well, even in a men's league, it's like, I'm going to blow out my knees. Can you imagine what a dick you would look like coming up onto stage with crutches like a fuck yeah you look like such a jerk off when you're an adult with crutches like trying to get my daughter into appointments trying to get her to school like oh with a just a cast on and it's not even a good reason it's not like oh my god

something i was fighting off a guy that broke into the house and no no i was playing hoops with my buds fucking on thursday night i blew my leg out we played in the comics league you know we used to have a big comics league out here yeah with the what's the the squar brothers right everyone i mean used to be everybody was what happened though uh it might be still going on pre-covet but we quit we ended up quitting i i played for four years who quit my whole team quit why just it was too many fights uh actual fights, there was both. I mean, people got into arguments and fights. Adam Ray last night.

Adam Ray got kicked out from like five games for getting, he gets hussy pussy. Really? And he's a thicky, thicky, thick girl. He's a thick head, a little Seattle. Tell you something, he's got attitude and he's good on the court. Yes. He's dominant. Yes.

And he can fight and he gets aggressive. But we always would get, there was always an argument, there was always a push and match, and then there was a few fights over the years that got bad. I was on the Comedy Store team for a couple of years. Then we played on another one called Sean Kemp's Kids with me and all the Seattle guys. And then we ended up quitting. We won the championship my final year. And then we quit because I was like, it did get to the point where people were getting hurt just because it was too aggressive.

People would be, you know, swinging elbows in the paint. You'd catch one to the face, and you're like, oh, great, dude. Now I got to go on stage, and my eyes busted open. Yeah, you'd look like an idiot. It just got, we got, it wasn't fun as much as it was competitive. You know, the fun went away. Dude, one time I saw, this was in the, we played in this park league, and they had the chain nets, which you never really see chain nets.

I love chain nets. Chain nets. really see chain nets. I love chain nets. Chain nets. I know, dude. I love chains. Not like these chains. Restrict me, baby. Yeah, I love it. And so this guy, he had gotten married like two weeks before.

I kind of knew him, but he got married two weeks before. And he was a big guy. He was like 6'6", 6'7". And he went up for a dunk. And he dunked. And his ring finger got stuck in the chain net and he came down and his finger was just hanging swinging in the net like that just bleeding out I've seen so many bad accidents I I fell on my neck and I had a I had a severe concussion where I almost broke my broke my neck I literally

broke my neck passed out for like two days. I saw a guy, a good friend of mine, his bottom tooth went right up through his top lip, like dislocated his jaw, and his tooth went up through his lip. I've seen people literally break their ankle, actually break their ankle. Oh, dude, I've seen that so many times. I've seen, well, Tom Segura, we know, he fucking put his arm and touched the back of his fucking other arm. That one, but I've actually never seen anything quite like that, though. Like, even in all my years of physical therapy, seeing an injury like that, because he broke his arm and his leg, right, at the same thing? Or was it just his arm?

No, his arm, but his leg was because of his, he blew out his ACL or his MCL. On the jump. Well, what happened was he slips, right? You can see him, like, there's water underneath, and he slips or whatever, like sweat, and so his shoe doesn't catch, so his knee blows out, and that causes his body to flail. His arm goes behind him and, you know, splats.

So, yeah, he's still, like, in recovery to this day, right? He looks fine now. He's great now. He's in total fine shape now. I mean, I'm sure he's never going to play basketball again. I'm sure he's not going back. Yeah, dude. But see, like, that's what happens, though,

when you're an adult. Yeah, you get hurt. That's just what happens, you know? Dude. You get hurt sometimes with your kid, huh? Just like goofing around with your kid. Oh, all the time. Dude, by the way,

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I was on, again, we've been in Los Angeles for a week. Yeah. We're on the 405 or the 101 or the 123, the fucking whatever, dude. The fucking free fuckway. We on the 911? We're on the 911. Yeah. And we're on Muhammad Atta Express. And shout out Muhammad Atta, man. The fucking free fuckway. Were you on the 9-11? We were on the 9-11. Yeah. And we're on Muhammad Atta Express.

And shout out Muhammad Atta, man. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And so we're driving, and we see huge pillars of smoke, like black smoke, like coming over the highway like crazy. And so my girl's like, get off the highway. And I'm like, no, I want to see what's going on. The kids are in the back. like, get off, get off the highway. And like, and I'm like,

no, I want to see what's going on. She's like, the kids are in the back. Women, logic, men, go for the, go for the smoke. She was like, she was like, Chris, the kids are in the back. And, and, and like, you know, my stepson's like, oh, look at the smoke. I want to go through it. And I'm like, I want to go through it. And then my daughter's like, no, please, daddy, no. Cause the Carvel in our neighborhood burned down. And my daughter like can't even walk past the Carvel anymore. Like, even though, cause it's can't even walk past the Carvel anymore, even though because it's all boarded up. She just gets like so. Who burns down an ice cream shop?

Fucking unbelievable, dude. Terrorist. Terrorist. Terrorist. You can't take our ice cream, terrorist. Can't do it. It was me because when I started the MyFitnessPal app, they said ice cream's no good.

No more. Burn it down. So she's like freaked out with fire. So I really should have just gotten off the exit. I should have done that, of course. But I did that thing where I was like, I can't get off. I can't get over. But I could have 100% got over.

So then we're at a point where there's nowhere for us to go. Because this had just happened. The fire trucks and the police cars weren't even there yet. The traffic was just rubbernecking. But the fire trucks were coming from our way to try all that. And then they were coming from the other way. But they were just getting there as we were getting there, as we were getting to it.

So I said, look, it's just a car on fire or maybe the bushes are on fire. Don't worry about it. So, and again, my daughter is like petrified of this. So we're pulling, slowly pulling up, dude. And I know that this is what we saw because even Jasmine started to like dry heave. We come up, the car had crashed into the wall and like yeah and exploded and there was a guy

sitting in the front row i swear to god his flesh like dripping off his body just sitting there i swear to god like engulfed in flames and my daughter's she's like is that a man and then my stepson is so fucking funny because he's like not traumatized by anything She goes is that a person Bobby? Oh my god, and then my girls like oh my god Is that oh my god and like screaming and I'm just like looking and then my my daughter's like oh my god Is that a person to my steps that goes? Yeah, that's Santa Claus Give that kid a Netflix deal. Yeah, she was like, ah! Dude, I... You saw a man?

It was really a guy in the car? Dude, I swear to God, like, I... By himself, just... Like, just... Oh, my God, Chris. He was already burnt. Like, he was... It was over.

Like, you couldn't make out that what kind... Like, if it was a man or a woman. Like, somebody was in the seatbelt, like, this seatbelt. I'm just like that. I swear, because they were burning, like, incinerating. It's not funny, but, like... Noating it's not funny but like no it's one of those things though but like because i could have you couldn't believe that that's what it was i genuinely thought it was going to be like a bushfire or just like a little car accident

instead i drove my family they've been in la for a week until an active fire scene where the man the driver of the car was engulfed in flame dying dying in front of us. Bad. Bad, dude. And we looked all over on the news for it and everything, and it's not a thing. It's like, does this just happen in Los Angeles so much where cars just incinerate and kill people? Enough accidents happen in L.A. where you couldn't report all of them. We couldn't believe, because we saw the police helicopter circling above the 405, 101,000, whatever we were on. And they're just circling, and we're like, this has to be on the news. But we had to get off the next exit and pull over.

Because they were traumatized. My daughter had to sleep with us last night. I fucking may have ruined my kid's life just because I thought it would be funny. But my stepson doesn't care. And when he immediately said Santa Claus, I was like, dude, that's hilarious. That is so funny. Because now she thinks that Santa burned. So now here's the thing.

We're like, no, that wasn't Santa burning alive. But then we made the decision. This is like crazy how like I changed my whole family's life. I just want to. We had to tell her this morning, my daughter, because she was just like so upset about everything, that we had to just sit her down and tell her not only like that wasn't Santa, but Santa's not real. So this was the catalyst to tell her Santa's not real real we had to we had this great that's the universe because she believed that santa was dead in the fire because that's what her brother said but we

it's like no he is not real how old is she now she's five but it's about time no they know you think you think five and six is when you start to get the inkling that you're like what's going especially if you have older siblings if you have older brothers or sisters yeah or friends of older brothers and sisters all i remember was about that time, people start being like, you know it's fake. And you're like, shut up! What do you mean?

Dude, I'll never forget, seven years old, we used to drive from New York to Florida every summer with my grandpa, who had his friend. It's one of those things where like- By the way, how stupid are kids that they believe in Santa?

Dumb fucking idiots. You fucking idiot. Dude. You think a man is gonna fly around and deliver all the gifts in one night you really think that he can come down

all these chimneys kids are fucking idiots idiots they're idiots idiots idiots how do we trust them to do anything yeah

anything it's stupid we should let them out into the world and see if they'd survive they'd all die within an hour dude I could

and it's like where I lived in like a little bullshit Brooklyn apartment I was like mom there's no chimney so like where would he come down?

And I used to think that he would come up through the toilet. So I would leave the toilet lid open on Christmas morning because I thought that's where Santa's going to come out through our poopies. I remember growing up in a high-rise. We were in a high-rise when I was a kid. And for my first nine years of my life, I grew up in high-rises.

And I remember when they talked about Santa coming down chimneys and going to the houses, and there was never apartments in any of those books. And I thought, oh, I guess Santa doesn't come to going to the houses, and there was never apartments in any of those books. No. And I thought, oh, I guess Santa doesn't come to these apartments at all. No. I never asked. I was sad.

I got really sad. I was like, I guess those gifts are from somebody else. Yeah. Yeah, they just weren't. From ghetto Santa. Well, I saw two things happen. Two things happened. When I was seven, we were in, when I was seven, this happened. I was like, ah, whatever.

And then when I was eight, I saw my mother taking a bite of the cookie that, like, because we used to go to my Aunt Janet's house. So I saw her taking a bite of the cookie and putting it back on the plate because she would make it like we would go to my aunt's house, open up presents. Then when we would get back at, like, 1 o'clock in the morning, there would be a half-eaten cookie and half-drank milk. And she'd be like, oh, Santa came and ate the cookie and the milk. But my mom, you know, when I was eight, I saw a half-eaten cookie, and then she came down into Aunt Janet's house with a freaking milk mustache. So I was like, oh, Santa came and ate the cookie and the milk. But my mom, when I was eight, I started half eating cookie and then she came down into Aunt Janet's house with a fricking milk mustache. So I was like, yeah, lady, I know it's you. But when I was seven, the year before, used to drive from New York to Florida every summer. And my grandpa, this is where like kids are just like so clueless. It used to be me, my cousin, my grandpa and my grandpa's

friend, Lillian. But my grandma would stay home. And I thought like – and I was like, oh, Lillian's just – My grandpa's friend. I thought grandpa – and I swear to God, I thought grandpa – I thought Lillian was just grandpa's friend. But grandpa would tell us when we got in the car and we would never say. He was like, remember, it's just the three of us. Don't talk about Lillian. Lillian's just a secret.

But as a kid, we thought that was funny. He's like, he's grandpa's secret friend. So we were like, this is great. Grandpa's secret friend. So we'd be, this is great. Grandpa's secret friend. So we'd be like, shh, grandpa's secret friend. But I didn't realize he was having a full- Grandpa has so many secret friends. And he has secret kids.

And he has secret other families. Yeah. So we would go down to Florida. And I didn't know until like literally, I must have been like a teenager because my grandpa passed away. I was maybe 17, 18 years old. My mother came and asked me once, you know, asked both of us, me and my cousin. She was like, what?

Like, when you guys would go to Florida, like, was there a woman with you? And we're like, yeah, always. Grandpa's secret friend, Lillian. And they were like, and my mom talked to her sister, like, did you know, like, our dad was having an affair,

like, on our mom, and she would go to the kids in Florida? And like, one sister, one of my aunts knew. The other one didn't give a fuck. Like, it was just like, it was just crazy. But we're driving down.

Back then, you could have multiple families, and it was totally kosher. Yeah, there's no cell phones. Dude, we used to call my mom from a pay phone at this place called South of the Border in South Carolina off the side of I-95. Like, my grandpa would just take us for two months to Florida and just let, dude, he would let us jump in the pool with no fucking life vests on. We were like, we couldn't swim. We were idiots. There were alligators outside. on. We were like, we couldn't swim.

We were idiots. There were alligators outside. We were in Florida and we're driving on 985, seven years old, no seatbelts on, no car seats. That just wasn't a thing back then. Didn't exist. I used to sit in the back of a station wagon with a bunch of different kids. Oh, yeah. Like six different kids in the bed of a station wagon. Dude, there were no rules. It was great. It was when

America was great. And we're going to get America great again in 2024. And so we're driving and we see this big 18-wheeler Mack truck. And every time we'd see the truck, you know, we'd go like, ha, ha. And then usually got a ha, ha, ha, honk a horn. I forgot what state we're in. Maybe we're in like fucking Maryland or something. But we're driving and my cousin, it's on my cousin's side,

and she sticks out her head and she goes, hey, Mr. Mack. And my grandpa's like, ha, ha, ha, like that. So the guy literally rolls down the window. I swear to God, he rolls down the window and she goes, hey, Mr. And my grandpa's like, like that. So the guy literally rolls down the window. I swear to God, he rolls down the window and he goes, Santa's not real. And then rolls up the window and speeds off. And we were like, and we just sat back and Lillian was like, what an asshole he was. And then like, we had all these questions while we were on the highway. Like, is Santa real?

Is he not real? And then they were trying to come up with reasons why he was real. And of course he's real. And that guy's sad. And he's going to get coal in his stocking and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, but that's when it put the seed of doubt in me.

And then the next year when I saw my mom eat the cookie, I was like, oh, Santa's not real, but Lillian is. Lillian is very real. You're very real. Dude, I was like, is Lillian, like, because it was- Was she pretty? You know what? I don't remember.

I remember she had a mole on the back of her head, and I would sit in the back seat, and I would always be right behind her. And for like 18 hours, just looking at this lady's mole on her head, and I'm like, bleh. Wait, how big was it? It went through her hair? It was just a huge, she had like thinning hair. She was a whole woman. She had this big, huge fucking mole on her head.

And I would just like stare at it. I would just watch it like jiggle. And I was like like stare at it. I would just watch it like jiggle. And I was like. My stepdad's, I think he told me his dad's, or I mean his grandpa had multiple families. Yeah, I believe that. And they didn't know. It was very common back then. Yeah. Well, also because divorce was so scary, people didn't want to get a divorce, right?

So they were so panicked about divorce that they were like, well, you can't get a divorce. You might as well just have other families. Yeah. Which I think, I mean, having two families, I don't know how people do that. I don't know how you want like a whole, like we watched that guy, the polyamorous people,

they have like a TV show where it's like they have four wives, you know? Oh, like Mormons? Yeah. Or whatever they are. It's not Mormon. It is, but it's not, right? It's like, well, the Mormons are about polygamy.

Not all of them though, because a lot of them aren't into that shit. Really? Yeah, it's kind of like that's the extreme version. It's kind of like how Hasidic Jews are an extreme version of Judaism where you have lots of Jewish friends that don't do any of that shit. Yeah, the Hasidic, yeah. You know what I mean? And they disagree with each other very, very much,

whereas a lot of the Mormon community totally disagrees with polygamy and all that shit. Again, I was a child. My grandpa was an old racist guy. As he should be. That's what they are. That's what they were. We, you know, live very close to Williamsburg, Brooklyn,

which is a humongous Hasidic Jewish population. Still. Yeah, still. Huge Hasidic Jewish population. And we would, when we would be driving through that neighborhood, like, you know, like they kind of like, it's their community. So like they'll cross the streets like on a green light, like they don't care.

And my grandpa one time, I remember it was my grandpa and my dad in the front seat and me in the back seat. And my grandpa stopped short and almost hit like a Jewish person. And he goes, ah. He turns around and he goes, Chrissy, I should have hit him. I would have got 10 points. And I was like, what? And then he never explained. So I just thought if you hit.

When I was a kid, I just had this thing. If you hit a Jewish people, you get points. There's some kind of points system. And what are the points for? Who cares? So I remember then we would be driving around like, hit him, dad. Hit him, dad. Grandpa will get 20 points.

Yeah, dude, it was so brutal. But it's one of those things where it's like, that's me being a dad now. Like if I ever, I won't do a joke like that, but if I ever did something in that realm, it's like I have to explain to my child right away that I was kidding, but I think for my grandpa and my father, it was funnier for them if they never told me. Well, right, because there was always secrets that they never told us that you didn't understand until later. I talked about it on the show.

My uncles would go out and check the tires at family gatherings. That was to go smoke pot. They were like, we've got to go check the tires. I was like, man, when I get older, I've got to make sure I've got to check all the tires on all my cars in the winter. Yeah, you just have to. That was this old lie that they went out to check the tires. I was like, man, when I get older, I got to make sure I got to check all the tires on all my cars in the winter. Yeah, you just have to. That was this old lie that they went out to check the tires so they could, you know, it was like,

because in the winter, air gets out of the tires. You don't want to walk outside of a family gathering for a flat tire. And as kids, we're like, oh. Yeah, but they come back from checking the tires. And now you're like, oh. That's like when I first started comedy. I was like, 2010, 2011, I opened for Pablo Francisco

at Gotham Comedy Club. He was there last night, by the way. Great. I said hi to Pablo last night. You know, I told him, I said started comedy, I was like 2010, 2011, I opened for Pablo Francisco at Gotham Comedy Club. He was there last night, by the way. Great. I said hi to Pablo last night. I told him, I said, dude, I saw you when I was in college. It's incredible to see you still doing your thing, man. It's wild. I mean, the impersonations are fantastic.

Pablo Francisco, great. And I remember I opened for him. He didn't pick me to open. I was just like the house emcee at Gotham Comedy Club that night. And I was in the green room with him. And goes uh he goes hey man because again i was so naive when i first started comedy like i wasn't from a drug scene i was like i didn't know anything about anything i genuinely was like wet behind the ears i lived my whole you know in brooklyn queens i barely even went into manhattan like brooklyn queens kids for the most part don't even go there it's like we

stay like in the outer boroughs would you though so like Manhattan it's like that was like only started really going when I started doing stand-up and I and um he was in there with his openers and uh and like his real openers and I came in I was like hey we're gonna start in about five minutes and then Pablo's like oh he's like he's like thanks for letting me know he's like I just gotta go skiing quick and I was like okay he was like yeah we're gonna hit the slopes like I that's so far away that's what I said and I remember thinking, I remember coming out, and I asked one of the servers, I was like, Pablo said he has to go skiing.

Is there like, what does that mean? And then the server was like, you know, like that. Like they did that face like. Chris, come on. And I had no idea. I was like, I don't know how he's going to make it back in time, but. But he did somehow. But he did somehow.

He was able to get to the slopes and come right back. Yeah, and I did. It didn't hit me that he meant absolute cocaine use until, like, years later. I was like, oh. Because then they all started laughing. He was like, we're going to go skiing. Let's hit the slopes, boys.

And I was like, cool. I've never been skiing. But I had no idea. And then they're all laughing. You guys going to wear helmets? Be careful on the slopes. Yeah. I was like, it's so awesome. I was like, you're so awesome.

I was like, holy shit, dude. Dude, he was, when I saw him in college, my college girlfriend bought me one of his CDs that he signed afterwards. And I remember thinking how, I mean, that's what I was trying to, I started to talk about wanting to be a comedian. Right. It was back then. And I was like, maybe it's a bad idea because he was

so polished and guys like that were so good they would come into the Tempe Improv and I'd go watch all of them and I was so scared

because I was like man I don't know if I'll ever be able to do any of that stuff you know what I mean like it's so intimidating to watch when you're 20 years old

to watch someone polish you know it was wild like how they kill just to even kill for 10 minutes I'd be like how does he do that?

To do it for an hour, you're like, that's impossible. It didn't make sense. And back then, Pablo was doing probably an hour and a half. Easily.

And then at the end, he would do, yeah, of material. And then at the end, he would do, he would take, you know,

people talking to him and he would do the movie voice and all that stuff and he would let people give him scenarios and he would make up a movie and that stuff was fucking remarkable. And it's cool to see him out there

still pumping away and doing his thing. He was doing a bunch of what sounded like relatively new shit last night. Dude, I used to be the, I was the house emcee at Gotham Comedy Club in New York and then I was the house emcee at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York. Dude, one time I opened up for,

I emceed for Richard Lewis and he just does a two-man show. That's all he does. So it's just me doing 10 minutes and then Richard Lewis for an hour. And he sells a two-man show that's all he does but he so it's just me doing 10 minutes and then Richard Lewis for an hour and you know he sells a lot of tickets especially in New York yeah people want to see him you know two Friday two Friday night shows two Saturday night shows every night every you know the Friday night shows went fine you know I did okay I I literally was doing comedy for two years they wanted me to do 10 minutes I maybe had

13 minutes but only six of my minutes total was actually good stuff like it was just brutal so i could barely like if you asked me to do 15 minutes i'm like i don't know i can't like i would so 10 minutes was like a stretch but i'm like i can do this so in between each show caroline's on 49th street and 7th avenue in the middle of times square but he will not richard le Richard Lewis will not wait in the green room. He doesn't do that. That's just how he is. He goes from the hotel,

walks right up onto stage when it's his turn, his time, does his hour set, goes back to the hotel. That's how it is. He will not sit in the green room. To be fair, that green room is pretty terrible.

That green room's terrible, but it is. But any green room. So really tiny and claustrophobic. It's almost like comedy clubs make comedy clubs and then forget about the fucking green room. Yeah, the only thing that we care about is, like, can I have a nice comfortable space before I go on stage?

Yeah, I'd like a nice space. There's people that don't have green rooms at all. There's clubs that they're like, oh, you just kind of hang out by the kitchen. Yeah, I just did Rick Bronson's House of Comedy in Arizona. I was just sitting in the closet. They're like, hey, can you just hang out back here? You're like, I just sold out fucking six shows. Sold out Salt Lake City.

Sold out Salt Lake City. Well, we got one show added. We got added a late show on Thursday, but it's going to sell out for sure. Buy those tickets, you fucking six shows. Sold out Salt Lake City. Sold out Salt Lake City. Well, we got one show added. We got added to the late show on Thursday, but it's going to sell out for sure. Buy those tickets, you fucking Mormons. Buy them. And then I'll be in Dallas. I go down to Addison. Yeah.

Come see me down there. I've never done it, by the way. Never done Dallas. Dallas? I did the Addison. Or Addison, sorry. Whatever. It's the same thing.

Yeah, the owner's a fucking wild guy. Is he? Yeah, he says wild. He's always like, waka kuku kiki. Like, he's got like Tourette's or something. I swear to God. He'll talk to him like, like a kiki cuckoo.

You're like, great, thank you. And I'm like, okay, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Not as wild as, what's his name that passed away from Stanford and Sons. Did you ever do that room? No, I heard he was nuts.

He picked me up from the airport in a Lotus with cigarette burns all over it. A Lotus, you know how expensive those cuckoops used to be? I mean, the old ones. Yeah. And he pulled up to the airport. I'm like, he called my phone and I was like, hey, is there a car?

Should I take, do I have to take an Uber or a cab? Or no, this is before Uber. What I'm saying, I was like, do I have to take a cab or something to the hotel? He's like, no, man, I'm picking you up, dude. Just chill out. And I was like, oh, okay. It was like 20 minutes after I got my shit, and I was just waiting. Yeah.

Because no one told me anything. Yeah. So then he comes up in a fucking Lotus, chain smoking, all over it trash i mean trash everywhere it's like a hundred thousand dollar sports car trash all over this fucking thing mcdonald's bag yeah spilled spilled drinks in the cup holders and all that stuff oh it's fucking gross i'm not kidding i'm tired i'm exhausted i've been traveling i just came from another shitty long weekend where it was wednesday to sunday you remember those days of course yeah it was wednesday was Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. So it was Wednesday, Thursday, and then two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, one show Sunday.

I mean, I was exhausted. What about the ones where you have to do three shows on a Saturday? I fucking put a gun in my throat. Yikes. Yeah. So then I get in the car, I'm tired, all I want to do is go to my shitty Motel 6 and just go to bed, you know what I mean, and pass out on a bed of syphilis. And so, I'm like, um, how far is the hotel? And he's like, no, we gotta

pick up somebody before we get to your hotel. And I was like, oh, okay. I'm not kidding how far is the hotel? And he's like, no, we got to pick up somebody before we get to your hotel. And I was like, oh, okay. I'm not kidding. We go to what looks like where it's like a hooker mill. I mean, it literally looks like a hooker mill, 100%. I was like, this is where somebody, this is like a pimp and his hookers live here. It's fucking gross. Sure enough, this super tall chick, this really tall skinny chick comes out.

Do you have a cock? She's like 5'10". I don't know. I hope so. I only fucked her from the back, so I have no idea. I didn't see anything dangling. No clock down there, huh? But I, uh, but he goes, I go, oh, shit. Like, didn't tell me. Oh, my God.

And I get to get out, and he goes, no, no, no. She sits in the back. You sit in the front. You're the headliner. And I was like, dude, and it's in the back of his wheelchair. She's like 5 you know she's like a tall and so she's her needs are up over your head is like hitting the ceiling and and he doesn't introduce it doesn't say a word i'm like hi hello you know she she says almost nothing at all then we finally get to the hotel and he's like oh sorry this is black barbie this is my black barbie you like it and i was like uh nice to meet you black barbie and he goes check this out and he just grabs her tits i mean just like grabs her tits and he goes huh look at these look at these

brand new and i was like see you at the show dude it was so he's dead now this guy yeah he died he died he was a party animal he was out of his fucking heart every night he would have four or five prostitutes with him but did i sorry but working women i shouldn't i want to i don't want to defame the dead. It's Women's Month. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude. No, but I mean, it wasn't a secret.

I mean, they were doing coke and he always had call girls all the time. Was the club good, though? Okay, decent? You know, like I said, the original one was wild as shit. It used to have a catwalk,

which I thought was insane. And also... Like you would perform on the catwalk? You could walk out on a catwalk in the middle of the crowd that's pretty cool and the new one

was more like and the second version of it was a club club it was more like an old school club and a bullshit strip mall like they all are and he was always

nice to me man rest in peace the dude was nice to me how did he die? I think overdose his brother was overdose or a car accident too I mean they all died

really weird and tragic he was a good dude it was just the club I didn't sell tickets so back then it was free ticket nights and people were mean and wild and drunk yeah you got a fifteen hundred dollars maybe two thousand oh my no less yeah it was probably i walked away probably a thousand dollars for five nights of shows or six nights a show and maybe because you spent money on food and playing and yeah but uh but but i do remember that he that every time i did see him and i did his club three times i think he was always like he was always like hey man one day you're gonna

be too good for this club into my mind i was like oh i don't know about that man and i'm happy that it came true but also he was very nice about knowing he's like and when you don't when you don't do my club anymore just you know just tell other people on the way up to come through my club because he's like guys get too big and they just don't do my club and, just tell other people on the way up to come through my club. Because guys get too big and they just don't do my club. And I was like, oh, okay. And I was like, I wonder, how does that happen?

And then when you feel that happen, the transition, you're like, oh shit, I know what he means. I know what he means. But it's cool of him that he at least knew that and what doesn't hold it against you.

Like, what, do you think you're too big for my club? No, he knew. He was a businessman. He was like, at some point, you just move forward. Well, he must have done somewhat some things right. I mean, he's got a Lotus and big for my club? No, he knew. He was a businessman. He was like, at some point, you just move forward. Well, he must have done somewhat some things right. I mean, he's got a Lotus, and he made real money.

Yeah, and he had Black Barbie. And he had Black Barbie. And he bought a boo-boos. Yeah, so fucking. So Richard Lewis, I'm opening for. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm opening for Richard Lewis, and the first two shows go good. And then Saturday, it was at 8 o'clock.

It was a 7 o'clock and a 9 o'clock show. And it was like clockwork on Friday and the first show Saturday, like clockwork. I do 10 minutes, get the light. That means bring Richard up in 15 seconds. Even if you're in the middle of a joke, just stop it and be like, ladies and gentlemen, are we here for Richard Lewis? Shalom, shalom, shalom. Boom.

That's what we start doing. Yeah, sure. Is this a chair being passed around in the audience? Yeah. So I do my close. Saturday night show, the late show starts to kick off. I'm doing the things. And I had a time.

I do my closer about eight minutes, start ramp it down, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I do my closer thinking the light's going to come on at the same moment it's come on the last three shows. And I'm looking for the light. And I'm doing the closer. and do the closer, no light. No light at all. So I, like, look over, and I'm like, okay. Panicking. So I look, and then I see the owner in the back, Louis Ferranda, the legendary booker of Caroline's Comedy Club, going like this, meaning, like, keep it going.

He's like, keep it going. Oh, yeah. On a stretch. Oh, no. I'm like, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes. So, again, I have 13 minutes. I've just done 10 minutes with my closure. Like the best joke I thought I had, I closed with, it's done. So now I'm like, okay, let me, I worked on something on the train ride over here.

Let me try this. So I do it. It's like, eh, you know, kind of bombing, whatever. But you know, when you're a new comic, like you think like, if you just get a chuck, you're like, okay. But you know, I'm bombing. Probably the entire set was a bomb. But this was even worse of a bomb. Bad.

This was nuclear. This was nuclear. Sold out show, Saturday night, middle of Times Square. So now like 15 minutes have went by. And I'm like, oh, my God. What's fucking happening? Dude. So then I start to go into the crowd a little bit and start to ask people.

I'm like, hey, where are you from? What do you do? What do you do? Is it your birthday? And everything like that somebody would say because, again, I'm just so new. I'd be like, ah, you fucking jerk off. I'm just doing that. And they were like, what?

This guy's in a wheelchair. I bet you kiss your brother. Yeah, yeah. He's paralyzed. Oh, no. Yeah, he was like, he just lost his legs in Iraq. I'm like, yeah, you fucker. You know, just yelling, just bombing.

And now it's starting to get bad. Dude, 55 minutes late. Impossible. How did you do 55 minutes? I'm going to tell you exactly what I started to do. Dude, it got so bad. About 30 minutes in, the staff stopped what they were doing and were dying laughing in the back because of the shit.

Not because of any of my material, of course. Just because of how bad I was bombing. Dude, I brought two people up and let them try a joke. I brought two people up on stage and I let them try. I'm like, anybody out here, everybody do stand up. Two people came up. I'm like, I'll give it a shot. Did a joke.

One guy actually crushed. Yeah, he's killing. Yeah, some bit. They start booking him. They're like, Chris, you're done. Dude, then I asked. Dude, Andrew, I swear to God, if there were 400 people in there, I probably asked 300 people what, uh, where they were from. Uh, and, and how many birthdays I asked, are there birthdays in here? Like 10 times.

And people are like, no, we said those birthdays. Then dude, I started, I got to the point like 40 minutes in where I started just saying, Hey guys, yell out a state and I'll name the Capitol. And they would just yell out a state. You know, they the capital. And they would just yell out a state. You know, they would be like Iowa. I'd be like, Des Moines, that's easy. Next. Like, I was just trying to do it. They were like, California.

I was like, Sacramento. You know, and they're like, people. I was like, I bet you can't get me. Like, I wasn't. People were coming to play tag. Yeah, it was crazy shit. Dude, 55 minutes in, I finally get the fucking light. I finally get the light.

Richard Lewis comes onto stage, doesn't even address anything. He goes, give it up for Jeff. And I was just like, as I'm walking off, he goes, give it up for Jeff. I'm like, eh. Dude, he had gotten into, he had taken a cab back. You know, he'd always take, well, Caroline's had a car service. You think he went skiing or something? Maybe he went skiing.

They had a car service that would go back and forth to, you know, from his hotel, which is like three blocks away, but in midtown traffic, that could be an hour. You just walk. Yeah, dude, that's what I said. But, you know, but everything was running smooth. The driver of the car had been drinking and driving,

I guess, and got into a car accident and hit the car in front of him and was fucking loaded with Richard Lewis in the back. So the police came and they had to Fill out a whole police report and they couldn't get Richard Lewis out. Did he have a bit about it? No, he came on and fucking put his head down the whole show. He does an hour looking at the floor He never looks at the audience. He just looks at his feet and tells jokes. Really? It's crazy, dude But he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't do any kind of audience interaction

He just gets up there and talks just gets up there and talks and looks at his feet the whole show How do guys do that? I don don't know dude but his fans love him yeah but that always blows my mind that somebody can just disappear and not have any engagement whatsoever yeah dude he does like he's from like that old school where like you know well it says yeah and they don't cuss you that a lot of them don't like he doesn't cuss right no and you and you can't do any well he said you know on the friday show no crowd work and no cursing but i'm like what do you want like i know i don't have material but, I get that with those guys. I played golf with Richard Kind.

And you know him? Do you know who that is? No. Yeah, if I show you a photo, you'll know exactly who he is. But Richard, whenever I was cussing, he just doesn't like it. And he was like, don't work, Blue. He says, sugar, sugar. He goes, sugar, don't work, Blue.

He doesn't like the cussing stuff because you know exactly who this guy is. Oh, sure. Of course. He's big from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, you know, you know exactly who this guy is. Oh, sure. Of course. He's big from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, I mean, he's been in a million things. A million things. He's the voice of Bing Bong. Yeah.

He's done 8,000 animated stuff. But he's incredible. Right. Such a good dude. But also, his jokes, when we were joking around, he's just cleaning his whistle. I'm always impressed by guys that are squeaky clean. It's really hard to do, with our generation particularly.

Dude, I just watched just a week ago On the Rocks, Brian Regan's new comedy special. It's the best. It literally, I remember watching it in Phoenix and then going on stage like an hour later

and kind of, I kind of was sounding like Brian Regan. I was just trying to be like, his material and his essence is so great to me. He's too good. Because I was like, how is he not cursing and killing?

He's killing outdoors in a pandemic. Not one curse words. Have you ever hung with him, by the way? Only once. And it was great. He bought the whole bar around the drinks. He was the coolest guy. Is he a LA guy or no?

No. No. I don't even know where he lives. But you hung with him. I hung with him and I cut off your story. I'm sorry. What did you say, though? What did I say?

I don't know. I sliced you off. I'm sorry. I don't know, dude? What did I say? I don't know. I sliced you off. I'm sorry. I don't know, dude. Who cares? Yeah, sorry. It just made me think that he... I want to eat some salmon.

You want to eat some salmon? Can we get some salmon ordered to the studio? Salmon! Hey! It's on its way. Yeah. No, I hung with him

in Madison, Wisconsin. I was doing... I was doing the Varsity Theater. No, that's in Minneapolis. I was doing a theater, a small theater um emily blotnick was at comedy on state and the comedy on state owns the theater next door emily blotnick's great very funny dude yes dude i watched her kill i was like oh my god she's

really good because i've never really seen her yeah she's always a comedy seller i've seen her a few times yeah but i've never really seen her do her hour you know when you ever see people doing their thing you're like whatever, whatever, they're good. She's great. They're funny. And then you watch them do their hour, and you're like, ah, this is much different than when I see them do what we get together.

And then Regan was at Next Door, the theater that they own, that the comedy... Oh, like the, yeah, thousands of people, whatever it is, yeah. And then we all met in the green room. We were kicking it, and then he's like, let's go, you want to go downstairs and go get a drink next door?

And we just sat, and we had drinks, and I was like... Cool as sky. Beyond cool. And him and his wife were in the tour bus just traveling the country doing shows. He's like, let's go. You want to go downstairs and go get a drink next time? And we just sat and we had drinks and I was like, beyond cool. And him and his wife were in the tour bus just traveling the country doing shows. He's like,

yeah, I rented a bus and she comes with me and we got our dogs. I thought it was, isn't he divorced now though? Maybe he's remarried. Maybe girlfriend,

I don't know. A human that was with him. He was cheating on his wife. It was Lorraine. It was Moley back. Oh, it was Lillian. Lillian.

Lillian the mole. Moley had Lillian the mole. Moley had Lillian. Make a t-shirt. Anyway, he is the best. Okay, look, the residency has continued. Chrissy D is going to be here for a few more weeks. Yes.

We're excited to have him because he's my sweet little prince boy. And we're going to end the episode the way we always do, is with one word or one phrase. And you've got to take us away when I'm off camera. Go ahead when you're ready. Okay. I'm going to take you off with one phrase or one phrase. I want to say to the people out there, what did I say? Okay, I'm going to take you off with one phrase.

I want to say to the people out there, what did I say last week? I said that we're going to be back in 2024, and I still mean that, but I don't want to end with that phrase. So the last phrase I want to say is, oh, happy birthday, Hitler. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.