Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Chris Distefano - The Chrissy D Residency Part 4

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Santino sits down with WG resident, Chrissy Chaos, Chris Distefano and we call Barstool Sports Kevin Clancy to get the inside about the Rappaport & Dave Portnoy beef, getting shamed by his catholic school teachers and Flava Flav's a low tippa. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. It's the final days of the Chrissy D residency. This is it, baby. Unless we decide to do more, but for right now, I think this is gonna be it. Um, I love this dude so much. It's so fun goofing with my boy Chrissy D while he's here. Uh, Chrissy Kass out in Los Angeles. Uh, I'm on the road, you guys. I'm excited to be back out on the road. Go to andrewsantino.com for them tickets. I think Salt Lake City is sold out. I think Addison in Texas to be back out on the road. Go to andrewsantino.com for them tickets. I think Salt Lake City is sold out.

I think Addison in Texas might be sold out. New Jersey. New Jersey devil. I'm coming out there to Atlantic City. Also Madison, Wisconsin, Boston. We're going to put Houston up soon. And I've got a few more other dates that we're poking around with. But go to andrewsantino.com to find out more about them tickets.

If you're looking for merch, look down below in the YouTube bar but go to andrewsantino.com to find out more about them tickets. If you're looking for merch, look down below in the YouTube bar or go to andrewsantinostore.com. Uh, the patron is whiskey ginger podcast, uh, patreon.com slash whiskey ginger podcast. Sorry. Uh,

and that's where we do the solo episodes live. We also do zooms with the top tier and all sorts of fun stuff over there. But if you're going to come see me on the road, go to andrewsantino.com to get them tickets. Enough rambling from me, mon. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey,

whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the whore. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it today because this is his last day on the residency.

Maybe Chrissy DiStefano. Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hey, welcome back, baby. but I mean it today because this is the last day on the residency. Maybe Chrissy DiStefano. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hey, welcome back, baby. It's potentially my last day on the residency, but I am here for the next couple of months if you want to. Maybe we'll do some more. Because I know you've got the big hitters coming up.

So I'll do them if there's ever a little dip. A little dip to do. Chrissy's here until May 24th. It's my mother's birthday, which you said. She also has red hair. So you guys are going to hook up. Your mother has red hair? Yeah. Could you imagine if I became your stepdad?

What a fun party. Fun party. Speaking of redheads, let's talk about what's going on. What's going on over at Barstow Sports, them dumping all over Rapidport? Did you see this stuff online? Oh, I kind of saw. Because to be honest with you. I think he sued them i initially thought i initially thought that

um uh it was all a joke like a bit like with day portney and rapaport because i'm like oh it's just like cool guy whatever but then when i saw day portney post the deposition of from like the like that he had to do for his lawyers i was like oh shit this is for real like it still might be a bit a piece of me thinks it might be a bit. Because Kevin Durant thing with like, him calling Kevin Durant a bitch and all that stuff, I was like, that's not. There's no way that's real. Because then he posted the video of them having fun. And I got to be honest with you.

It's just a little bit, it's just a little bit like, it's like when guys talk tough, I get it. The minute you, and I'm not even taking sides with this because I don't know, but the minute you post your private messages on Instagram, it's such a bitch move. It's so lame. Like I was on Chet Hanks' side in the beginning when he wanted to fight you.

And then I was like, yes, like beat Santino. And then when Chet Hanks posted the DMs, I was like, ugh. Dude, you're acting like Tom Hanks now. It was so bad. Don't do that, dude. It was so bad. It was so sad, dude. It was so weird.'t do that dude it was so bad it was so sad dude it was so weird

it was also very weird when people talk shit on online to you you're like this is so that's like the saddest thing you could ever do it's like

it's like guy like cause here's the thing that's why I didn't believe it though with him and Durant it was like it was like the stuff he was saying I was like

he would never say that shit to his face so they can't be real like a piece of me was like there's no way that that's real. But in the video that Rappaport posted with his guy Dean,

that they, like, they invited him to a game to ramble. And it felt acted. But the whole thing, he was like, and Mike was mad, his feet are supposed to be on the floor getting splinters.

That was acted. I know, but then the whole premise to me seems acted. Because if it was real, it would be a little bit more quiet. That my point like that's the thing when something isn't obvious like when we make fun of theo or and they come after me and bobby and all it's so obviously a bit sure but this is obviously a bit the acting part so then what part of it am i supposed to think is real yes see that's what the deposition looked phony, too. Yeah, see, it...

Well, no, see, the... No lawyer would bow down in a deposition and go, right, I understand what you're saying. They don't do that. You ever seen deposition tapes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're dicks. Well, you know what we could do is I could,

you know, because I know, you know, being in New York, I know some of the other guys at bars do well. Like, somebody's writing a minute, I could get some text. I can text and find out and see if it is true, and then I'll post that on my Instagram. I'll post that and post private messages!

And that'll be only on Christy Chaos. Christy Chaos! Patreon.com says Christy Chaos. Yeah, let's call, what's his name? Who are we gonna call? KFC? Yeah, let's call KFC. Oh yeah, I love KFC. Yeah, what's his last name? Clancy, right? Clancy. Kevin fucking Clancy. Kevin Clancy. Let's see what he has to say about this. He initially spelled it with a K, but he had to change it to a C.

Because it was KKK? Yeah, his middle name's Kyle. Kevin Kyle Clancy. Why did he have to change it to a C. Because it was KKK? Because his middle name's Kyle. Kevin Kyle Clancy. Kevin Kyle Clancy. Why did he have to change it then? Is there any history there? He's not going to answer. What time is it? He's probably working. Because he didn't want to be like, he didn't want to sound like he was being like, you

know, a dick, like KKK. Like, you know, like when you text back KKK. Okay, okay, okay. He didn't want to be like he's being, you know, standoffish. He's not going to answer. KKK. Well, he's probably at a rally. What's up, dude? What's up, dude?

What's up, dude? So I'm going to give you a note. You're on notice right now that you're on the podcast with me and Chris DiStefano. Say hi to Chrissy D. What's up, Chrissy? How you doing, baby? What's up, KFC? Miss you, baby. Love you, baby. Dude, we're deep in the throes of this right now. I want to know what's going on over there. Is this a bit

the rap thing, or is this real? No, it's very real fuck that guy wow wait but here's here's why we thought it was a bit let's let me explain because the footage of him at the basketball game uh with the kid with his buddy dean it looked fake and acted we both agreed and it was like a bit and then afterwards i was like well there's got to be a bit he's not gonna front on kevin durant and then the dms i was like is this a bit i couldn't tell and then the even the deposition film i was like is this them fucking with us okay i can speak to barstool's involvement like that was i i would i i had to go through a deposition too and it wasn't like fireworks like

like funny with kevin did you wear kfc did you wear a suit to the deposition i know you did it you bronx trash you trash bag from the brown you know what you wore a windbreak you wear a suit to the deposition? I know you didn't, you Bronx trash. You trash bag from the Bronx. You know what he wore? You wore a windbreaker and a wife beater. Dude, he's from City Island. It's the most white trash fucking place in New York City. Chris, I got out my divorce suit.

Oh, the divorce suit. Brought out the divorce suit. He's got one of the best divorce suits in the game. Does it still fit? Not after quarantine not after that roni i'm gonna need to borrow it soon my girl caught me dming again yeah you need you might need to give it over to chrissy d but although could you imagine his suit on you you'd rip right through it i'd be fat guy little coat yeah those hips trying to get my little this guy

he's grown what what do you what do you what's your waist now 36 now now. He's 36. No, he's 36. Honestly. You're 36. I'm 36. You're at least 40. Wait, wait. Kevin, you think I'm getting fatter? I would just assume so. No.

I've been exercising, you bitch. No, so, Kevin, this is. Yeah. Even I was. I went into it. I was kind of nervous. I was like, don't fuck up. I don't want to get partial in trouble. And then, like, 10 minutes in, I was like. No, so so cap this is yeah Right and then like 10 minutes in I was like, oh my god, these guys are fucking morons So the fact that they just couldn't even understand a simple like timeline of events with Dave was very true I was very real this the Durant thing. I

Know that they used to be friends because they did that they did do that video together And then even after those DMS went out there if you look at Durant's twitter he sent out a tweet being like I talk like this all the time with Rappaport I don't know like why he's upset all of a sudden but this is what Rappaport does man he yeah he's the king of fucking trash talk and then as soon as something gets real he literally lawyers up or he posts those dms clearly being like look how mean kevin durant is to me like fuck off dude one time just reply one time back up your tough talk and actually like be funny and have a clever retort you fucking asshole love it i love it

hate that guy he's such a scumbag he is such a fucking rat fraud hack just go back to acting dude the internet is not for you. You're not smart enough. You're not funny enough. You're not clever enough. You can't keep up. Just go back to Hollywood. You're an embarrassment to New York.

Boom. Clip it. Clip it. Clip it. Yo, so he, so, so I, because we were both going back and forth this morning when I was watching, I was like, I wonder if this is,

I wonder if this is them fucking with us. Because this could be a great, it could be great if you guys were fucking with us. If Durant was, like, because they had been friends, and because they both, like, I did think there was a chance that this was a work. The reason I knew it wasn't was because of the shit that Durant was saying. Because he would never be like, you suck that guy's dick, you cum guzzling cunt. Like, the language is just way too much. Dude, and how about this,

KFC2, I mean, the way, like, Durant calling him a cum guzzling pasty fuck, could you imagine if Rappaport called him a fucking cum guzzling dark fuck or something like that?

His life would be over. What'd he say, though? He said, meet me outside. He said, meet me outside of where he, whatever, wherever he was. He said, give me your address. Twice, he said,

he said, meet me outside on West 17th. He said, meet me outside of Catch. was. He said, give me your address. He said, meet me outside on West 17th. He said, meet me outside of Catch. He was like, come fight me. Catch. It is fun to fight outside of Catch because it's trendy. A lot of hot chicks coming in and out of Catch watching you scrap up. Durant's lanky ass is throwing hands with fucking fat old rap boys. Well, let's be real.

Let's be real. Rap's lower to the ground. Durant's got the reach. But Durant's pretty thin he's probably what a buck 70 but you can't hurt those guys because he's all bones 55 yeah he's he's a skinny guy you think you think raps low to the ground he tackles them and they do what happens in this fight rapaport's a tub of sour cream dude he's not winning any fight listen when shit went down with him port Portnoy, who is on the record

a million times saying, I don't fight, I do all my, I do all my talking, I never get in the ring, I'm never gonna fight you. He,

he wired $250,000 and said, like, we can fight in our, you know, our amateur boxing thing, rough and rowdy. And even he was like,

come fight me. And cause he knew that never in a million years would Rapaport agree to it. See, this would be a good promo. This would be a good promo. You guys should set up a fight between Rapp and Portnoy, 100%.

By the way, KFC. It makes so much fucking money, but Rapp wouldn't do it. KFC, I got to be honest with you, after talking this out with you, I'm now even more convinced that it's a bit. I don't believe a word you're saying. It's a bit. Oh, he thinks it's a bit. It's a bit.

Portnoy's paying KFC to make it the bit. saying it's a bit it's a bit portney's paying kfc to make it the bit chris yo go look at the things that rapaport said about me in my life there's no fucking way oh he came at you i didn't know he came wait hold on he came on my baby if he came on my baby then that that now i'm involved now chris is involved this is how it all started he he was arguing with like somebody because he's a fucking thin-skinned pussy he's arguing on the internet and he basically made fun of our entire fan base he was like if you if you're down with barstool and you call yourself a stoolie you're a fucking loser and you've lost at life so dave was like oh you're fired dude you can't like insult our entire fan base like what the fuck are you doing so i was just defending our fans and and then he came he

went so low at me man we were always cool like I never had any problems with him we did our podcast together we did our appearances together next thing you know he was talking about my ex-wife and my kids

and I was like damn yikes hold the fucking phone dude yikes you fucking asshole how did he isolate how many Barstool fans are there

in the tens of millions oh like how would you isolate that many people out of why why would you do that? I don't know. See, that's why I think, that's why me and Chrissy were thinking it's a bit, because I'm like, this seems so, uh, a suicide bomb mission. Like, what is

he doing? I don't under, I don't get it. That's why I'm saying, he can't, he's not made for the internet. He does not know how this shit works anymore, because we haven't done any business with him in forever now. Like, his podcast is no longer on our network. He's never, there would be no... Yeah, he's got a big podcast. Yeah, Michael. KFC, Rappaport still has his podcast, though, right?

It's just not on your network. Yeah, yeah. It's just another podcast. Oh, got it. All right. Dude, I didn't know that this was... Well, let me say this. Chrissy and I both will put up 100 grand apiece to fund the fight.

We're going to fund the fight, so let it be known. We'll put up 100K apiece if this fight happens. We want to commentate, though. We want ringside commentators. Chrissy D. and Andrew S. Chrissy D. and Andrew S. want to be the commentators on the sidelines calling the shots of the Rappaport-Portnoy fight.

You heard it. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're putting up our money. Let's go. Fellas, listen. It's very flattering. I'm just saying, have you seen the tax bracket that Portnoy's playing in these days? Yeah, no, no, no.

But no, we're doing that for Rappaport. You guys said he was broke. We're just trying to help out the whole thing. We're trying to help out. We're trying to kick in. Oh, all right. So now you're going to fund my arch enemy now? Yeah.

How about, yeah. You sons of bitches. I'm going to put up two and a half Bitcoin. Chris, he's got two and a half Bitcoin on it. I have 16 Ethereum. Let's go. All right, dude. We love you.

We were just checking in to say what's up. We wanted to know if it was a bit skidoodles or if you guys are being real, but it seems like it's real. Real deal, Holyfield. Thanks for the call, boys. All right, much love. Talk soon. Bye.

Bye. He's the best wow so he did so he's I thought this whole thing was kind of in our face it feels like pie is on our face

but I guess not I guess not no because because I you know KFC I know him well I was kidding about like oh it's just a bit

he really like I could tell like he's such a nice guy like I've never heard him talk like that like he really must be like fucking vitriol for Rappaport.

Yeah. Because he doesn't talk like that. Well, I've only known. So this is what's funny. I know him just a little bit. Kevin and I know each other just a little bit. And I know Rappaport very little bit, too. Same thing.

Like, I probably know these guys the same. So that's why I thought it was a bit. Because I couldn't tell who was messing with me. Yeah, no, no, no. No, he. Because Rapp, I don't really know. Really? I thought, like, L.A. comedy, like, he. Isn comedy like he isn't he comedy store guy no no i wasn't sure no he's kind of his own thing

he floats he does shows i've been on shows with him before right uh we've always been fine together you know like but we don't i don't know him you don't know well but we know each other right you know that vibe that's the thing that i think people don't understand about people in the comedy world is like we know a lot of people, but we only know a few people. Yeah, yeah. Like we're friends in real life. Right. But there's guys that I am buddies with in comedy that I just know, but I don't really know much about.

Yeah, like it's one of those things like if somebody was like, oh, can you get, you know, Andrew Santino? Can like you – I want an Andrew Santino video for my friend's birthday. I'd be like, yeah, I know Andrew well enough, but like some other people I'm like, just because I did their podcast once or twice, I'm not going to ask them for a favor. I don't know them like that. It's like a working relationship. Like you and I are friends and you know. In the real world. In the real

world, like I wouldn't ask but I don't think people understand. Like I don't know if you get that from your friends, but I guess I mean, especially doing podcasts with Sal Volcano, the Hey Babe thing Sal and I do, I would say weekly somebody texts me. It's like, hey, can you, can somebody send a video for my kid? Can you get Sal to send a video? It's like, no, I'm not doing that.

Of course not. Like, Sal and I are like family, but it's like, you have to understand how incredibly wild of an ass that is for me to ask someone. And I know he'd do it, just like I know you'd do it. He would do it in a heartbeat, too. And I know you'd do it in a heartbeat. Same, of course. But it's just like, it's such an uncomfortable thing to ask someone and i know he'd do it just like i know you do it he would do it in a heartbeat and i know you do it in a heartbeat but it's just like it's such an uncomfortable thing to ask someone it puts you out it puts me out because because now i'm fucked now it's like either i ask sal and i know sal will do it and or a guy like you would do it but then it's still a little like i gotta do this and if i and i don't want to ask because i don't want people to waste

their time with that but then if i don't if i don't respond to ask because I don't want people to waste their time with that. But then if I don't respond to the friend, then I'm fucked with them. 100%. It's a lose-lose. The immediate – so it's like I don't think people ever really think that far ahead where it's like – think about the position you're putting people in when you ask them to do something like that. Neil Brennan calls it. This is the best phrase I've ever heard. It's someone else asking you to do their dishes.

That's what it is. 100%. That's what it is. It's just like why am I doing your labor? I don't, that's not, I, you know,

like, it's not that big of a deal, right? Right. Doing the dishes is not that big of a deal, but why do I have to do your dishes? It's just like, people want you to do their work for them,

and they don't want to, they don't want to feel guilty about you doing their work, because you're like, it's a small favor, and you're like, yeah, but I don't want to do your fucking dishes. Yeah,

I don't want to do, dude, should we, I don't want to do your dishes. Should we, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do your dishes. Should we turn Neil Brennan into an NFT and sell him? Should we mint him? How do we? Okay, guys, tell us how to mint Neil Brennan and make him an NFT.

What's the meme that goes below Neil Brennan? Fucking pigeon face. And it would be him super. It would be a holographic card. It would change from a New York pigeon to him. That's perfect a holographic card it would hit it would change from a new york pigeon to him that's perfect shout out neil brandon mint it i love neil brandon one of my good guy kevin brandon you know kevin brandon his brother it's funny because neil and i know each other well we've become very close like he's a i would consider him a friend no neil's a good

dude a good friend like we talk like uh every few days and i've never met his brother i don't know his brother i know who he is i know all that stuff about him but to me he's this he's this uh uh uh spy versus spy version of you know what i'm saying like he's just the other version of the brennan brother relationship that i know nothing about right and i know they circle each other hating each other kevin, Kevin is so angry. Tenaciously. Dude, it's so funny. Well, one of them is violently successful.

Yeah, Kevin. Yeah, Kevin. Yeah, yeah. Kevin created the, what was it? What show was it? Kevin created Key and Peele. He did Key and Peele? Kevin Brennan created Key and Peele.

Wow. Yep, yep. And he wrote with Peele or Key? Key. Kevin Brennan created, yeah, Kevin Brennan created Key and Peele, and then Kevin Brennan did a thing called, a big, very famous Netflix special called Five Mics, where he did comedy and then he had a mic

for every nationality that wasn't represented enough in Netflix. Smart. Very famous. That's really smart. Guys, check out his new special. Five Mics. But it's spelled M-I-K-E-S? Yes.

Like five guys named Mike? Like Five Guys Burger, but it. Five Mikes. But it's spelled M-I-K-E-S? Yes. Like five guys named Mike? Like Five Guys Burger, but it's Five Mikes. Yeah, and all different Mikes representing different nationalities. Five guys named Mike from all different parts of the world? From all different parts of the world. They bike. And it's a genius idea. That's a great idea.

And then Neil, yeah, Neil sleeps on the train in New York City. Does he still sleep on the train? Yeah, that's why when you said, oh, you texted with Neil, I was like, I didn't know Neil had a phone. Well, he's got a Cricket. Ben has a Cricket wireless phone that I think will come. He'll get like a month of service. Yeah.

And then it'll go away for a while. Right. And then a month again of service. That's what it is. And whatever the city pays for, they do that program. You know, they have the Obama phones, the Obama phones. Oh, the Obama phones. You know that.

And you know what those are queued up with. I know, freaking. They're fueled by liberal tears. When you cry into the phone, that's how you fill the battery up. Yeah, yeah. It comes with a free thing of Medicaid. Yeah, my girl's got the Obama phone. Dude, I had no idea this beef was real online.

Me neither. And also, Kevin Durant, let's be real here. I don't know if he would win in a fight against Rappaport only because he's so tall and lanky, but he doesn't have any thick. Thick guys are good at fighting. That's the thing. The thing is with a guy like Kevin Durant, if he hits you with one of his bones, same thing like a Tayshaun Prince, if he hits you with one of his bones,

he can knock, he'll knock you out. He'll split open an eye. Yeah. He'll fucking kill you. Because this is sharp. That's sharp. That'll hit you hard. Yeah, bonus shot. That'll hit you hard.

If he hits you with one of those, but if he swings and misses, and then if Michael Rapport gets the weight of his ass behind any type of punch, hits him in the chin, hits him, he can either explode an organ in Durant's body, or he might knock his head clean off because he's so thin. But it's kind of like if Durant hits you with those bones, though. I'm telling you, it'd be hard to beat up Kevin Durant. Because how do you even reach his head?

You'd have to go airborne. But that's what I said. Look, I think Durant probably would take him, but I also think low to the ground ground it's always good because you can run and tackle him and that's how you get the height differential yeah if he gets if he gets kevin durant down you get him low smash his bones hit those big tall tree legs and you're yeah that's what it is paper trees and you're done the tarantula i used to remember fights in high school when you watch kids fighting there was always like a couple of kids that were so good

at fighting that you never you would have been like god is that that guy's that good huh right right i saw two guys fight in the forest over one girl. In the forest? Yeah, they had like, there was like a forest right by the school and it was called the secret garden and people would meet there to do drugs

and to fight or to, or a finger of pee. And these two kids went because they were both dating the same girl, I guess, or some situation like that, right? And it was cold. Dude, it was freezing.

It was cold. It had to be November or something., right? And it was cold. Dude, it was freezing. It was cold. It had to be November or something. It was cold outside. So people were like in jackets watching this fight outside, you know? And all I remember is thinking, it's a pretty even matchup. But the kid who I thought was going to for sure take him, he got smacked around pretty good. I was blown away.

Yeah, dude. Because the other guy just had better skill. He was good at low, and you know what the tough thing to watch was? The one kid had a lot of acne, like tons of, what is it called,

cystic, where it's like on top of each other, you know? Those suck. Dude, yeah, like I had acne in high school, and then I see guys like this, and I go,

I'm good. Dude, he looked like he had the bubonic plague. He had boils on his face. Before they smooth out asphalt, you know, before the truck rolls over it when it's still fresh,

that's what it always looked like. It looked like the crust on Pizza Crust where it has that bubble. That's what it looked like. It looked like the crust, like on pizza crust, where it has that bubble. That's what it looked like. It looked like a pizza crust face. Right out of the brick oven. That's what it is. And I got to tell you, dude, when he would punch him and boom, you'd see, you'd see him hit the acne and he'd get red. And so I was like, oh, that hurts. Imagine one of them. There's probably a good defense mechanism. One of those pops and it gets on your hand or in your mouth. You'd be like, shuth! Shut the vom. Dude, we had a fight place too

in our high school. It was like in between two train stations. The E train, a Jamaica, Union Turnpike train station. I went to Archbishop Molloy High School

right off the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And it was fun. I'll never forget this kid who was a bruiser, Frank, Big Frank. Forgot his fucking last name.

But huge white guy. And then he wanted to fight this kid. His name was Timothy. He was a bruiser, Frank, big Frank, forgot his fucking last name, but huge white guy. And then he wanted to fight this kid. His name was Timothy. He was a black kid. I swear to God, he was a little black and his name was Timothy,

but he would go by Taekwon. I swear to God, he was like, call me Taekwon, but it says, like I remember our biology, our biology teacher would say,

you know, dude, you know what our biology teacher used to do? Shout out Mr. DeMarco. We used to call him Booger DeMarco. Booger D. Booger D.

Booger D. He would be such a dick. He was a good teacher, but he would – this was, again, in the late 90s. He would – you would take a test, and then he would hand out the test based off the best grades. So if you got 100, the hop grade would go – you would get your test. And then the last one, you would know that you just got the lowest grade in the class and he would go, he would like turn the paper down and give it to you like that,

like he would, which is like so illegal now, you can't shame a student like that, but his mindset was, I'm gonna shame you. So you do better. Right. Right, or you become a more violent version of yourself already. Right.

Either way, you're creating a life. A life, but if everybody passed, if everybody passed the test, he would just give them out in no order. But if there were failures, he would do it great orders. Did you ever get yourself an F? I don't even remember, dude. There's so many. But Taekwon did. But so what Taekwon did. So Taekwon. Oh, is it Taekwon or Taekwon?

I think it was Taekwon. His name was Timothy though. His full name was Timothy. What was his last name, Do? I'm blanking on his last name. Taekwon Do. Timothy McVeigh. Timothy McVeigh? Yeah, Timothy McVeigh. I think he invented Velcro. Yes. Taekwon Do. Timothy McVay. Timothy McVay? Yeah, Timothy McVay. I think he invented Velcro. Yes, that was him then. I went to school with a guy who they called the Cannibal Cop.

That's a true story. You could Google the Cannibal Cop. He was in my homeroom. And then Timothy McVay was also involved in my homeroom. So Taekwon was going to get into a fight with Big Mike. With Big Frank. Big Frank, I remember. I just forget his last name.

But Big Frank was like a bruiser, like tough kid, was on the hockey team, like whatever. And Taekwon, I don't know what they were actually fighting about. But anyway, we all go down Union Turnpike

and watch the fight. Yeah. And Frank is winning, but not like winning yet, but like he hit him a couple times. He knocked Taekwon down. And then again, nobody knew Taekwon

was just this little black kid. Nobody knew that Taekwon knew like full kung fu he hit frank i've never seen this in there with a spinning leg kick to the face knocked frank over like david and goliath and frank had to go to the hospital because he got a concussion because his head hit the subway pavement and frank was on the floor like having a seizure we're like oh shit nobody had cell phones back then and we were in a subway terminal so we had to call like the transit police and be like yo this kid just got knocked out and they were like by who and we were like take one timothy and timothy dude he hit him with a like a spinning like like a luke hang from the movies full leg kick foot to the face and nobody would ever know that this kid had that in him. Right.

And it was, dude, it was like the sickest fight I've ever seen, and I wish I could remember his fucking last name. In here, we pour whiskey. You guys, I've talked pretty openly about how I created my website because I'm not a smart person. I'm a stupid man, self-proclaimed idiot, and I created my website using Squarespace. I love it.

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Yeah. So our lunchrooms were divided in high school. It was like... Whites and blacks? Yes, of course. And then, of course, the Latinos were the ones that were serving. Right. So it was...

No, but one of the rooms, it was freshmen and sophomore, and then it was junior seniors, right? Or athletes had separate lunch because if your schedule was different. Right. And I'll never forget walking into the big – I was a freshman maybe or maybe I was a sophomore. This is high school or college? High school, high school.

But I was walking into the – we didn't have a lunchroom in college. We were grownups by then. I know, true. Yeah, we were doing drugs. I know. I was the idiot. Like my freshman year in college because I went to Catholic school, I would still like ask if I could go to the bathroom and they'd be like

you're an adult or I would like I would like knock on the door and like wait outside until the teacher came and opened the door because those were the catholic school rules you had to ask to go to the bathroom and when you came back from there you had to knock and wait so I would do that and just be like looking through the mirror and like I never forget like it was maybe my third day some guy was like in his mid-40s like who was going back to school was like hey man this, this is college. You don't have to wait. Like you're not a kid anymore. And I was like, okay. Shut up guy who did this five times already. Yeah. I was like, fuck you. You've already tried this. You've already tried this. I couldn't last in Catholic school. I got kicked out by the way. Moody Bible. Shout out to Moody Bible. Shout out Moody Bible. Kick me out.

No redheads. Moody Bible on Wells kicked me out. That's where I went. Uh, that's where I tried to go to school and they said, uh, no, thank you. Seriously. The nuns hated me. They hated me. Why? I was a little punk. I was a brat. That's where this nickname, that's where I tried to go to school and they said, no thank you. Seriously, the nuns hated me. They hated me. I was a little punk. I was a brat. That's where this nickname Slugger Santino comes from because I'd fight everybody. If they made fun of me for being a ginge, bop, I'd hit them. If they took something away from me, I was just a fighter as a kid.

I loved punching people. And so the little Slugger Santino got they called my mom and they were like, he's not Moody Bible material. I got kicked out of Moody Bible. And you graduated from the Publixino got, they called my mom and they were like, he's not Moody Bible material. No. I got kicked out of Moody Bible. And you graduated from the publics, from the public school. Yeah, of course, of course.

I was, my parents were never going to be able to afford a private school or a Catholic school anyway. It was always going to be public. Got it. Like Moody Bible was just because I was in pre-K and elementary. I was going to say, so either Moody Bible is going to throw you out or your parents are going to throw you out. One or the other. And they did.

And they did. So listen, so here we are, freshman, sophomore year, whatever I was. And I walk into the senior cafeteria, pub, school, and everyone stood up. So people are standing up on the little baby benches in the lunchroom, so you can't really see what's going on. But I see fists flying. And I'm talking like flying. For real.

Everywhere, dude. Flying, just boom, boom, boom, see fists flying, and I'm talking like flying everywhere, dude. Flying, just boom, boom, boom, boom. It's nuts, it's nuts, it's nuts. And then, of course, the teacher's coming, and they're breaking it up and breaking it up, and this dude is just haymaking somebody. Just wow. And they grab him by the hair.

I remember just vividly his hair, and they snapped his neck back and pulled him off, and it was a chick underneath. Oh, I swear to God, I lied. She was a mechanic. She was a tough girl. She was a... She lived in a multi... Was on the softball team.

Got it. She was a fighter. She was a fighter. She got some cuts in. She's married to Fortune Feimster. She is now. Dude, this dude I mean

but also this this punch you know this the sledgehammer I mean this dude all I saw was this and this and that

and I'm thinking dude he's demolishing that guy and then when they took him away it was a chick and she popped up not that bad

right she could fight she was taking it like it wasn't that big of a she was still yelling afterwards does it count if you get into a fight with a woman who is a clear lesbian,

who's an open lesbian? Does that still count as you can't hit the woman? Depends who starts the fight. Depends, right? Depends on who starts the fight. What did she say? What did he say? Yeah.

And also, he and she, we're getting rid of pronouns. It's just they. So I guess you can fight theys. You can fight theys. Everybody can fight. That's a very good question. That's a very good question. Let's get rid of genders. If we're going to get rid of genders, then I guess we can all hit each other can fight days. Everybody can fight. That's a very good question. That's a very good question. Let's get rid of genders.

If we're going to get rid of genders, then I guess we can all hit each other now. We can all hit each other. And yeah, can I hit a guy with contacts? I can't hit a guy with contacts, but can I hit a guy with contacts? You can easily hit a guy with contacts.

In fact, make him take it out so he can't see you as well. Yeah, that's what it is. I always think about that. They say you can't hit a guy with glasses. Why? That's not my problem.

Because I think because the glasses, if they break on the guy's face, I don't know. Well, advantage you, disadvantage him. Yeah. It's like, yeah, life's about balance, dude. I don't, yeah, I've never,

I don't think I've ever hit anybody with glasses. I'm trying to, I hit somebody with goggles, with Rexpex once. In the basketball game. My friend Craig, yeah, basketball game. I punched him right in the face. He had his fucking stupid goggles.

I mean, that hurts. But also, you punch glasses? That I punched him right in the face. He had his fucking stupid goggles. I mean, that hurts. But also, you punch glasses? That could slice up my hand wide open. Yeah. Like, what if one of the glass cuts one of the arteries on my arm? Here you go. And I'm dead.

And now I'm dead. Or I fucking slice my arm clean off. Now I'm an amputee. So take off the glasses. That's not my problem. That's what it is. Take off. Take off your glasses. Take off your glasses.

You got to go to the dentist today? Yeah, man. I got to get my teeth fixed. Honestly, dude,, man. I got to go get my teeth fixed. Honestly, dude, they tell me I got to get my wisdom teeth removed. I still got them. I'm 37. I still got them. I had my – the only reason why I had one of my – I have two horrifying dentist stories.

One – Right. Tell me this right before I go. Right before we go. I'm not going to get them removed today, but I have to go get like the prep. Whatever prep surgery she said I have to get, I have to go get like the prep whatever prep surgery she said i have to get i have to go get something done today right so so so my wisdom tooth one of them cracked and i didn't know it was i 2016 never forget i went to actually it was 2014 sorry so i did forget it was 2014 um um i bit into a bagel i was sitting in my apartment in long island city

queens i bit into a bagel and my tooth half of apartment in Long Island City, Queens I bit into a bagel and my tooth half of my tooth came out in the bagel came out in the fucking bagel dude the pain

that I was in because it was just an exposed nerve hanging out of the back of my mouth it was non-stop I'm talking about 10 out of 10 pain

non-stop for 4 hours because I couldn't swallow an Advil because any type of movement like I could it was too painful so I couldn't swallow an Advil because any type of movement, like I could, it was too painful. So I couldn't swallow an Advil. So finally I get there to the dentist and you know, it gives me the Novocaine, like, you know, packs the tooth, everything is fine. So, but that's like, I was like, oh shit. Like, you know, like, you know, that's horrible,

whatever. Then six months later, eight months later, everything's healed with that. I'm terrified of the dentist, terrified of teeth. I'm like, that was the most triggering experience of all time. I had to get a cavity filled or a root canal. I can't remember. I've had root canals. On the other side, they inject the Novocaine into my gums, which, you know, supposed to numb your teeth. He's like, oh, can you feel, you know, can you feel this?

Can you feel that? And I genuinely couldn't. So I don't know what happened. They go in the back, hit the drill on my tooth somehow. And I find out later people can have rare reactions where the Novocaine works. It's supposed to work for an hour or two hours. It works for like five to seven minutes and then wears off. It like resets.

I didn't know because he had just done the checks. And I'm like, oh, it's fine. I can't feel it. I hear the drill. And he went like this, like off to the side just to make sure it was working. I was like, oh, thank God I can't feel it. I hear the drill and he went like this, like off to the side just to make sure it was working. I was like, oh, thank God I can't feel that.

I don't, you know, he's going in the back and I felt a little bit on a tooth and I was like, oh, that must not be the part where it's numb, but I didn't know. Goes in to hit the drill.

The Novocaine wore off. Drilled right up into my head. The pain was so quick and so immediate. I pass out in the chair. Fully pass out like that with the fucking thing going. I've heard that before.

People pass out from the pain. No, no, but I didn't pass out because it was the Novocaine War. If the Novocaine was there, I wouldn't have felt a thing. You wouldn't have known, yeah. I wake up, I wake up, I don't know how much later.

I wake up. Two, three days. Two, three, yeah. Pants are off. Pants, yeah, absolutely. We did some dentistry work. Yeah three days. Two, three, yeah. Pants are off. Pants, absolutely, dude. He's like, we, uh, we did some dentistry work, dude. Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then fucking, and then, and then he goes, oh my god, like, you had, like, some kind of reaction, whatever. Gives me more Novocaine. Gives me all the dental work for free because it was, like, so fucked up. It was, like, the most rare reaction. But, dude, I passed out from the pain. Was it bleeding? Was it gushing with blood, too? No, he just basically went to—

It was just a nerve hit. You hit the nerve. He drilled up—he basically drilled into my tooth like I had secrets from the cartel. Like, somebody—they would do that to you in Mexico, you know? And that's what happened. And fucking—the pain was so—I've never experienced this. It's the only time in my life I've ever passed out. The pain was so immediate that my brain just said, nope, and shut off.

Dude, I hate going to the dentist because I'm afraid of anything. I have sensitive teeth anyway. You're a sensitive guy. I'm a sensitive little boy. I've had different surgeries that don't bother me, but something about in my mouth, I'm just like, oh, God, it's such a thing. It's a thing. She's got to get back there, but she said I've got to get my wisdom teeth out.

I also thought, people don't need them out, do they? I think some people live their whole life with them. Well, are you having – Mine are all impacted. What does that mean? That means they're under the gum line. Are they impacted because of what's going on in society? It's because also I have a tough time shitting sometimes.

I think I have constipation in my mouth. Why can't you poopoo sometimes? You're such a healthy, wealthy guy. Today I almost sent you a photo, no lie. What happened? It was 15 inches maybe. Like perfect shit. Perfect. And went to maybe like perfect shit perfect and went to the bottom of the ball went to the bottom of the ball perfect and it's one of those things where like because here's the two things when you have an s-shaped shit that flows to the bottom that's great sign and when you have minimal wiping

great sign oh my god minimal wiping just a little bit yeah a few just a couple just a little couple so was that the first shit you've taken in a while? No, no, no, no, no. I am, I'm getting one out a day. So then you're not constipated. So what do you mean you have trouble pooping? One a day is probably bad. I think it's supposed to be two or three. No, one a day is great.

No, I hear it's two a day at least. I think as long as you're doing one a day, I pee too much. I got a friend that went after every meal. Dude, I pee, I'm not lying to you. I pee upwards of 20 times a day. You got a bladder infection? No, I always, it's just the way I am. I've went to multiple urologists and it used to be when I was peeing so much and there was like a little bit of pain at the end of the pee, I was like, oh, STD. But

now that, to not have to worry about STDs at all anymore, like, it's just like, it's just, I didn't realize how much stress and anxiety I was under every day of my life, constantly worrying if I had an STD because of the decisions I was making. But just for the last year and a half to not worry, I mean, at all about it, because it's great either way. It's either if I got some pain in my PP, I know it can't be me getting an STD. And if I did get an STD, it's because my girl cheated on me, then I can leave. Then you can leave, baby.

But where would you take the kids and where would you go? Well, I wouldn't get to take the kids. I would, she would. Why didn't the guy get to take the kids? Let me give one, let me take, you know what I'd say? I'd say, because she's pregnant right now. If we broke up today, I'd say, you keep Delilah, our five-year-old daughter. I'm taking the one inside you.

Give it to me now. Because you want the new one. Give it to me now. Yeah. Give it to me now. Take it out. And I'll take it. I saw, I just saw a thing online of a girl that said she had an 11-and-a-half-pound baby.

Yikes. And she had it, what is that? She had it 30, wait, I'm stupid. Like a C-section? I'm trying to do the math. She had it at 34 weeks, I think she said. So it's a little early. It was early, and it was 11-and-a-half pounds early.

That's what she said. Jesus Christ. So it would have ripped open her. The photos were insane. If that baby was born in medieval times, that's a baby that immediately kills the mother. It comes out and it kills the mother and it becomes king of England.

Did she do water birth? My girl? Nah. Did she do the natural one? Dude. Like where no epidural or whatever? Dude, when my daughter was... She's boss enough to do that.

Hell yeah, dude. When my daughter was being born, Jazz, the woman next door, like the woman in the room next to us, didn't want to get an epidural. Jazz got the epidural, but she didn't want to get the epidural. And the woman next door...

Why are people against it? I'm dumb. I don't... Just because it's drugs? Because it's drugs. And they think... But I've been taking drugs my whole life. I know.

Why would I stop now? I'm like, we took drugs. That's how she got pregnant in the first place. We were on active drugs. I have a friend of mine that had their kid on Molly. Dude. That's how they made it. Make it a fun experience, dude.

Yeah, they named her Molly. Good name. No, they named her Ecstasy. Great. Even better name. Even better. The woman next door was screaming like she was about to be beheaded. Like, no, like screaming like you can't fucking imagine.

And Jasmine, you know, she'd already had a kid already. So she was like, this lady is a lot. The nurse who was in with our room, like you could just tell, like she was like trying to like, you know, like do the things she had to do for Jasmine. She was like rolling her eyes every time the other woman screamed. She was just like, okay, whatever. And then I guess like the nurse was just having a bad day. She walks, I mean, this woman is like giving birth next door. She walks in like while she's like, I think giving birth or screaming.

She goes, hey, hey. She goes, if you don't want to get the epidural and take modern medicine, then shut the fuck up. You're scaring the other mothers. And I was like, holy shit. Like word for word, even Jasmine was like, that was harsh. Because the pain,

because the pain has got to be so intense. Because you're scaring all the other women then. Yeah. You know, it's like just. And you're putting them in a bad mental space.

Yes, yes. You know what the thing that did piss me off though? Again, this is just why like women are just like superior beings, like what they can do. So Jasmine's water broke,

right? Her water broke. My daughter wound up being born at 10.04 a they can do. So Jasmine's water broke, right? Her water broke. My daughter wound up being born at 10.04 a.m. But when Jasmine's water broke, right, that's, and then your body, once the water breaks, the body, the contractions are basically the woman's uterus and abdomen contracting to push the baby.

Get it out. That's all that is. That's the Braxton Hicks contraction. It's just basically your body prepping. But then once that water breaks, it's like, no, no, no. Your body, nature is saying, it's time. Push. So the water broke, and the nurse texted the doctor because the doctor was upstairs.

The nurse had said two hours before. The doctor had said two hours before, hey, text me. Text me when her water breaks, and I'll come right down. We'll have this baby. So I'm like, great. Text the doctor. Does the emoji, the emoji the water emoji yeah just with flash signs fucking this face dude water breaks for an hour and a half no doctor jasmine's just fucking in excruciating pain because you know there's things that the doctor has to do to get the baby out jasmine doesn't know necessarily what to do want to push how to do to get the baby out. Jasmine doesn't know necessarily what to do, what to push, how to do this.

Fucking the nurse texted the wrong number. She's had fucking dyslexia or something and reversed the number. The doctor comes out. She's like, what's going on? Did the water break it? And then we're like, yes, the nurse texted you an hour ago. She's like, I didn't get a text. And then the nurse was like, I texted you.

She goes, what number do you have? And she's like, whatever, 917-312-6180. And she's like, like no it's 08 not 80 no and dude it's the only time some cab driver in New York

is like what happened I guess because I was like stressed out I'm not like an angry guy I always am just of the mindset

like just let shit's gonna pass like there's no reason to get angry or make somebody here in a day and I just said to the nurse

I was like that's a fucking huge mistake lady it is that's a huge mistake it is that she was just in here for an hour and a half just said to the nurse, I was like, that's a fucking huge mistake, lady. It is. That's a huge mistake. It is. That she was just in here for an hour and a half

in riveting pain and then the doctor's like, no reason to get upset. It's happy. We're going to have a baby. We're going to have like a good baby and then, you know, like... So Delilah was brought

into the world through anger. Through fucking anger and that's why she's angry right now. Honestly, that's why she was throwing shoes at you the other day. That's why she was throwing shoes at me the other day

and we would have had it on my episode of Chrissy KS but my daughter pulled the plug. No one will be able to see it because for people that don't know, you should other day. That's right. She was throwing shoes at me the other day, and we would have had it on my episode of Chrissy KS, but my daughter pulled the plug. No one will be able to see it, because for people that don't know, you should go see Chrissy KS. Go watch Chrissy KS on the Patreon. You'll be able to see that episode, but also...

No, not on Patreon, on the YouTube. Oh, it's on YouTube. It's on the YouTube. But it gets cut off because Delilah was running down the stairs and we were doing a bit where she was going to throw shoes at Papa, and she cut the camera. Yeah. So instead, you just get a massive time jump.

I think we lost 10 minutes of footage. Massive time. Lost probably the best 10 minutes of the podcast. And, I mean, kids don't care. Gets right in the car, even though she just ruined my fucking podcast work. Makes me go to In-N-Out, get her a milkshake, then fall asleep in the car. It melts all over the backseat of my car. I have to pay $45 for a detailed car wash.

She doesn't give a fuck. Honestly? Yeah. Good for her. Good for her, right? Because you know what? You should deal with that. Because you did shit to your parents your whole fuck. Honestly? Yeah. Good for her. Good for her, right? Because you know what? You should deal with that because you did shit

to your parents your whole life. You did dumb shit your whole life. We all did dumb shit to our parents. So this is the payback of the universe.

That's karma being like, oh yeah, now the kid's going to fuck up the car. Yeah. You have to go get her a milkshake or she's going to be upset.

I learned karma when I became a school custodian. The first day on the job when I was a school custodian when I was like, you know, in my early 20s, the guy was like, you know, in my early 20s.

Yeah. The guy was like, he was like, here's what this job is. He's like, remember all those times you put gum under the table or you thought it was funny to piss or shit in the sink? Yeah. Or, you know, yeah, or you spit on things you shouldn't have spit on. He's like, well, now you got to clean up the gum. Now you got to clean the sink. He goes, remember when you wouldn't flush a toilet or you'd clog a toilet

with all shit and piss in it and you and your friends thought it was funny? Yep. We have to fix it now. Damn. So he gave me a mop. He gave me some scraper.

He said, turn over the desk and start scraping. That was my job for an entire summer blistering July New York City heat, no air conditioner. Why did they take the gum off?

Just leave it there? That's what I said. I said, this is like history. Yeah. Just leave it. They got the whole bubble gum wall in Seattle, but you know, that's like the locks bridge in Paris or whatever. It's like, this is a piece of the, a piece of time. That's what I, I first started doing standup when I had that job as a

custodian. So maybe it was like 23, 24. How long did it last by the way? A year? I did two summers of it, but the second summer I did it, I had already done like my first show and I had tape of it. And the guy, the head custodian guy got like all the custodians which was like 15 of them like you know it's a big school some of the teachers who were teaching summer school was like and because i was so proud you know it was like oh my first five minutes you know five minutes of like early set put it on for them fucking bomb dead silence i had made a joke i had made a joke about like like one of my earlier earlier jokes was like you know like um something about you know everybody goes like sex i was like oh you know altar boy like you

know give me the lord in my ass like things like that funny yeah people walked out people walked out somebody said like this didn't you perform it in a church parking lot yeah well i know i mean what can you do and then fucking they you know I remember like completely bombed. And then the guy, the head custodian guy was like, you're not good at this. That's what he said. He goes, he goes, you're not good at this. And he goes, a custodian's a good job. You know, it's $21 an hour plus benefits. He was like, that is good for back then.

Dude, he's like, you're not good at this. And I was like, you're right. Did you ever think maybe custodial work was for you? I thought I could be Christian custodians. I heard that I'm not good at this with stand-up a lot, especially in the beginning. I remember I auditioned for the Comic Strip Comedy Club in New York City. Old school iconic comedy club used to have a thing. They're not there anymore, right?

They were going to close, but now they're going to stay open. Oh, shit. They made it. They made it through. So they had a thing called Comic Strip Late Nights or whatever. Oh, shit. Booker, you know, another comedian, and then like the owner. And I remember I went up and auditioned and the Booker's advice was to me, he was like, I would, I would immediately quit. He goes, you just don't, whatever that it factor is, that's impossible. He said that it factor that's impossible to learn either born with it or not born with it. He goes, you don't have it. And I remember he hit the T and a piece of spit flew into my eye. He just hit and it just fucking hit.

And I went like this. Yeah, dude. And then I fucking went and I remember, I'll never forget, I went and I took the bus home because the trains weren't working. So it's just like, not only to be told you suck, but then you're on the bus and I'm like a grown man and I'll never forget there was an accident in the Brooklyn

Battery Tunnel that the bus used to go through and I sat in the tunnel for three and a half hours with no cell phone service, and I had to be at work as a physical therapist at like maybe 7.45 in the morning the next morning. I got home at like 5.15 in the morning, because you would do that audition at 12 midnight. Sure. You know? So the whole ordeal, I got home at like 5.15 in the morning and just fucking hated myself. I think I, you know, like trauma.

Yeah. and just fucking hated myself. I think I, you know, like trauma. Yeah. I pushed out so much of those bad nights, bad sets because I remember only so many of them, but I know I had so many. I had so many, I only remember so many because it just was so constant

that you have such shitty sets and feel like shit and drive home sad alone or take the train home. Like, it just got so old. There is a point when I was working my day job. Which was what? I worked in the music industry. I was doing touring. What do you mean doing touring? I was helping getting visas for people that were going on tour.

It was wild. I did Flava Flav, Cypress Hill, we did Erykah Badu, we did Dilated Peoples, which I love. Did you ever get to meet them? Some of them, yeah. They come into the office. Flava Flav came in.

What's up, Drew? LA or Chicago? Here, LA. Flava Flav came into the office, I'll never forget. And he's like, honestly, it was like a six-floored building. And it was not that big. And he walked in. We're on like the third or fourth floor or whatever.

And he's like, yeah, Drew. You know, afterwards, he's like, Drew, walk me to my car, man. I don't remember how to get there. And I was like, what? Okay. So I seriously, I just walked down with him. And he's valeted at the IHOP that was next door. I don't remember how to get there. And I was like, what? Okay. So I just walked down with him and he's valeted at the IHOP that was next door. There was an IHOP next door. Didn't park in our garage. Flava Flav, baby. Yeah, Flava Flav.

And they get his Escalade. He had a big stretch Escalade, you know, and he goes, all right, Drew, my fam, my fam, you know, let me know about Japan and all this stuff because he had to get visas to go to Japan. And Japan would often not let people, what they would do is they would restrict lyrics. They would flag their lyrics

and tell them what they couldn't say otherwise they wouldn't be invited back. Really? Yeah, and if you have a criminal history they wouldn't let you

into some places, right? Interesting. Yeah, like Snoop had a murder charge, right? Even though he got acquitted. Couldn't go to Japan. Eventually, I think he could. He finally got a grant

from the government. But it's like a huge process. Wow. Yeah, this was such an accidental job I fell into. It was like a clerk job I found online and it turned into me like actually doing it but anyway flay flay we go downstairs and he pulls out a wad i mean this stick i'm not kidding let's say a baseball like

holding a baseball in his hand of money and the valet little tiny mexican guy and he's like a big fan man big fan of you and flay was like oh word he's like let's do a photo son and then he's taking a photo and i'm laughing i'm watching the whole whole thing go down. And the valet was five bucks, I think, for IHOP. I think it was like five bucks. And he's like, what I owe you, player? And the kid's like, oh, it's free, it's free, it's free, man. I'm a fan. It's free.

And Flava Flava's like, oh, hold up, hold up, hold up. And I'm not, I couldn't, this sounds fake. It was all hundreds, dude. He's thumbing through, $100. He's like, I'm licking his finger like, uh, uh the bottom and it's like a couple of fives and like and then ones and a bunch of singles and he grabs two singles and he hands them to the guy it's like respect sure whatever but also i was like don't show him the the fucking 30 grand in hundreds you have yeah and then but he could have just opened it, flipped it over, took the two out.

No, he made him watch him go through all the money. And you think that was for sure on purpose? No, Flav had no idea what's going on. He's in space. He's la-la land, right? He couldn't get to his car. It was six floors. I mean, what do you mean?

No, but it was just insane to think that two bucks, like it was just. And also, I didn't expect him to give him 100. It was just weird to let him watch you go through the money. It's such a, like, I'm so weird about money.

Yeah. Like, if I'm going to tip or whatever, I have to go around the corner and hide. Me too. And then get it ready. Yes.

And then I give him a tip. That's like Don Rickles. I heard Don Rickles say once, like, his trick used to be he would give, like, a driver, he would give them,

like, three singles, like, three singles and, like a driver, he would give them like three singles, like three singles and like wrapped up but inside the three singles was like $300. I've heard about that. But he said he would do that and like he would get calls

because like some guys wouldn't check like what a scumbag he was or like people like, fuck Don Rickles and he said it would make him laugh like you can't imagine. Right,

because there's a couple hundred inside of there. Yeah, like. I always got ready when I tip something because I feel nervous about bringing up money in front of people there's

always something so weird about it like when i had the car watch and shit like that that's a cultural thing though because in the united states it's very kind of um rude to be like oh how much money do you make whatever in europe that's the first they they want to know that they need to know that they're like what do you make it is weird to know it's strange but we do it differently here because we're we're because we're into material things and we're so capitalistic, you know? Yeah. I mean, look, Western Europe is capitalist countries as well, but we're so capitalistic in nature that we show you how much money we have by our houses and our cars. Because there are big houses in parts of Europe and all over Europe, but like most people live a little bit more humbly there. And most people, like if your

job is to be a doctor or whatever, it's a standard salary. So like, so there's no, like, like it's almost like all corporate out there where like here, America's like a lot of mom and pop where it's like, you could be getting a different wage for the same job where there it's like, they would know if you're a level two accountant, you just make a standard salary. That's what it is. But we see it more like right there. Whenever I go to like someplace like London and shit, I'm like, you can tell what people have a little bit more money. And there is a lot of money in London. Those guys that are flashy, but our level of flashy is way higher. You go to Miami, you go to LA, you see the money is disgusting that some people have. Even in New York, you see money in New York. By the way, we were watching a show last night that was like a House Hunters New York.

And this couple was looking at their budget was $2 million for a place in either Harlem, a condo in Chelsea, or a Browns. No, the Brownstone was in Harlem, a condo in Chelsea, or in Bed-Stuy. $2 million was their budget, like a four-bed, three-bath or whatever. And the one in Bed-Stuy, I'm not kidding, was a fucking dump. I'm screaming in bed. I'm going, this is a fucking dump for $2 million. And I mean a dump. So when people say LA is bullshit expensive, New York is fucking bullshit. It's bullshit how expensive it is. We were looking just driving around LA yesterday,

me and my family, and we saw a house that was for sale, and we were like, oh, how much would that house be? And we looked, like, in New York, we were thinking it was going to be like $5 million, because that's what we're used to, and it was $1.7 million. It was a beautiful house, and $1.7 million is still a lot of money. Which is still a fuckload of money.

A fuckload of money, but you're like, oh, you know, you can actually, this is still somewhat, compared to New York, an affordable city. In New York, you have to see the astronomical price. I mean, I'm sure that place not only is that a piece of fucking shit, but it's probably

not that good of an area. It's probably still crime-ridden at some points. It's Bed-Stuy on its way up. It's a part of Bed-Stuy that you can tell is like, they're cleaned up. But also, it's a building that shares two walls with two other units. And you're like, what? It's not even a fucking standalone? Is that the one they got to?

Yes. Of course. No, no, no, no. They got the one in Harlem. They got a brownstone in Harlem. It's just the same. Still, no backyard. You're sharing two walls for $2 million, $2.1 million.

No, dude. I'd rather not do it. That's why it's like people just are- You're telling me I got to pay you $2 million and still fix stuff? That's crazy. Are taxes high in Los Angeles? Like, is it still $30,000, $40,000 a year in taxes? like is it still 30, 40 grand a year in taxes

taxes are absurd here but you know we hide our money from the government we just don't pay them also you know like the old lady her family has a piece of land

that they've had for a long time and like I don't even know where it is it's like Arkansas or something like that or whatever like their grandparents bought land a long time ago

and she's like oh they just got the tax deed for the property taxes there's no house on the land they just own it and I was like oh what are those taxes like and she goes you oh they just got the tax deed for the property taxes there's no house on the land they just own it right and i was like oh what are those taxes like and she goes you won't even fucking believe it 63 for the for the tax for the 63 for the year for the land tax yeah so my question to you is this my question is if you build a fucking house on there that's

what you're paying but but but but how do like certain places then like where do they compensate like new york city like if you want a nice house on long island it's forty thousand dollars a year in taxes that's just what it is 20 to 40 that's every year you can never pay that down every year maybe you don't have a mortgage fine but every year you're still getting clipped you're getting clipped and that's only going up so and then and then of course the new york state income tax but how do you like how does a state like arkansas how do they have any money? Yeah, but this is in the bufu. This is the middle of nowhere, right? Small town shit anyway. And

there's no development there. So if you did build a house, you eventually would get taxed on the price of the house. It has to get reassessed. But if you built it by your own hands, you wouldn't, right? Right. If you were a man who could build your own house, you still have to pay for city lines and all that stuff. It would eventually go up. But just to own the land was 63 bucks. If I just owned a plot of land out here and didn't build a house on it, I'd still be paying 10 grand a year on the land. Because the land just costs money.

No, because they would assess it with whatever the previous house was that I knocked to the ground. Right. Like my neighbor across the street, he bought his dad's house from him, and he pays, as long as you keep one wall of the original home,

you pay the same taxes as the previous home. He's got a massive house. You've seen a crowd across the street from my house. Massive house, but he pays the same taxes that his dad paid on the house in the 50s and the 60s. So it's like minimal. It's nothing. But because you keep a wall, you have to keep something. You have to keep something from the original structure, and then you can build around it.

So did you knock down your house? Is your house brand new? No, no. We bought their house. We didn't do nothing to it. So I bought them, and then when it gets reassessed, I pay the taxes on the new price of the house. So I'm getting murked. What they were paying in taxes before at my house was way less.

So then where do we have to move where we don't have to do that? Or you just can't fucking get out of the way of taxes? I don't know. Comment below. Where should we fucking move? Where do you want me to move to? Well, I got to tell you. You know where you got to move.

It can't be in a place like New York or California. You have to live in a state that's, you know, look, Texas, Nevada, Tennessee, places where it's either no state income tax or low because the property is still a little bit high in some of these places, but it balances out because you're not getting clipped from your income. You know what we should do? You know what I was thinking about doing it because nobody is doing this. Like nobody's doing this. And I think it's like the next place to move to. We should move to Austin. Austin, Texas. Austin's in Texas? Austin, Texas. I haven't heard of one person who's going there. We should do that. That's like a city, because I went there, it's the capital. It's like on the rise or something? It's on the rise, dude.

Austin's a- That's the capital? That's the capital of Texas, dude. Austin, Texas. Yeah, I'll think about it. I don't know much. I've never heard of it. I mean, I know there is Austin. I know it's there. It's down there somewhere. Yeah. But I don't know. Maybe we could, I guess maybe we'll be the first two guys that go down there. Austin, dude, that's the place, man.

Trust me. I'm going to go down there. And it's like, I'm thinking about even like starting like maybe like, you know, like a comedy club or something. That seems risky. Yeah. Don't you think? I think.

Is there a comedy scene down there at all? I've never been to Austin. It's, yeah, I mean, it's there, you know, it's there, but I'm thinking like with, you know, with the success of my Chrissy KS podcast, we're getting 30,000 views an episode now. I can bring the whole scene there. All right, perfect. Why don't we move to Bismarck, North Dakota? My teacher used to go there all the time. Capital. Let's go to Bismarck. Why would you go to Bismarck, North Dakota? He would go there to get away from people. I think he wanted to go there to hunt and to fish and get away. And North Dakota is not that far from Chicago, right? Is Illinois?

It's not far. I would say it's, let's see. Bismarck is, yeah, and then capital of South Dakota is Pierre. How do you know that? I just know the state capitals because I got a little thing called Autism. Okay, Bismarck, North Dakota, from Bismarck, Chicago to Bismarck. Let's see how far that is. I mean, let's just see how far it would be by flight or by car.

Yeah. By car, it's a drive. How long? It's 12 hours. You could do it, pussy. I'll do it. But by flight, that means that's only got to be like a two-hour flight. Yeah, but how many – but North Dakota doesn't have an airport.

Sure they do. They probably got to fly into Chicago and drive. They got to. They don't have an airport. Does Bismarck, North Dakota have an airport? Nope. Guaranteed. Answer's no. But $27,000. I just said no. They don't have an airport. Does Bismarck, North Dakota have an airport? Nope. Guaranteed. Answers to all,

but $27,000. I just said no. Yeah. Yeah, it does. So give me 27K. Bismarck Municipal Airport is Burlington County, North Dakota.

Look at that. They do have a municipal. Burlington Coat Factory, North Dakota. Good way. That's a good way to end the pod. Oh, is it time to end?

These are such nice chairs, dude. These are brand new. And it smells. It stinks. It came from deep in the pod. Oh, is it time to end? These are such nice chairs, dude. These are brand new. Oh, and it smells. It stinks. It came from deep in the abdomen. It's, and I haven't had a fart like that in a long time, and it's concerning. No, the only reason that we're wrapping up is because we got to get you in an audition. I got to get myself a dentist appointment.

Yeah. We've got to cruise along. We've got to cruise along. We've got to cruise along. All right, so one word or one phrase. You know how we end. This might be the last time Chrissy D is on the whiskey ginge for a while. No, but I don't want it to be the last.

Well, then maybe we should keep doing them. I don't even know. At this point, I think we're having so much fun that if we do do one more, we didn't get to drink because it's too early in the day, but the next one we should just get tanked and do it. You want to get tanked? I think we should just get wrecked out of our head and do it. You want to do that?

Yeah. I kind of want to do that. I kind of want to do that. By the way, I talked to Mark Norman on the phone the other day. What did he say? Well, because, you know, we're trying to do that arena tour thing. I know. Who got added?

Sal? Sal Volcano, maybe. Everyone's a maybe. They don't know if they – No one knows who can do it. Oh, so it's still actually not confirmed. Not really. Everything's kind of up in the air

because you couldn't do it. And I think Glazer dropped out. And then Sodi, I don't think could do it. I think it all got over the place, but I called Mark yesterday to see if he was in. He's in, but I don't think it's locked. You know, we're all, those of us that are in are in,

but I called him and I said, are you doing it? He said, hey, comedy. Hey. He goes, hey, you know I'm doing it. I'm Kevin Hart. I'm gay. I'm gay. Kevin Hart. How good of an impression does that be? You have the best impression. You talk to me and I'll be Mark.

Ready? Go ahead. Hey, Mark. Should I get management? I don't know. These guys are all robbing you. The Jews. What are you going to do? Comedy. What did you think? What about is your podcast, how's the podcast going with your list? Pretty good.

Joe's pretty good. Unless he's having a bad day, got a breakout or something like that, then we can't do anything. Can't tape. Comedy. What's your favorite city to perform in? Nah, I like them all. They're all good.

Doesn't really matter. Not really a big fan of one more than the other. Come out and see me. Go to MarkNorman.com, get the tickets. Watch my YouTube. How close is that? That's fucking perfect. I think I want to do him,

if we tour together, if we get on the tour together, I want to do my set as him one night. Dude, do it. Just get stoned as shit and do Mark Norman. Dude, just fucking do it.

Hey, I'm Kevin Hart. Comedy. Hey, I'm Kevin Hart. I wonder if Kevin Hart could eventually sue him for that. And you know what? He would.

He would, right? He would. Yeah. I love Norman. I think he's one of the best joke writers we got right now. Yeah, he had a good tweet the other day. I saw him. He tweeted something.

He's a killer. He said, he said, he said, he said, he said, just saw a guy giving himself the vaccine under a bridge. That made me laugh hard. He also had one. Hold on. He had one today that got me really good, too, this morning. It was great.

I was just- Marky. Marky Norman. Shout out to Marky Norman. Hey. Hey, good coming. What are you going to do? He's got a special Out to Lunch, which is crushing on YouTube.

It's special. He goes- I'll read it in his voice. An erection is basically an energy bar for a vampire. Check out Marky Norman. All right. End the episode the right way. I love you.

Maybe we will. You know what? You guys vote down below if you guys want us to continue this, because we could just keep it rolling. Yeah. Chris, end the episode the right way. I love you. Maybe we will. You know what? You guys vote down below if you guys want us to continue this, because we could just keep it rolling. Yeah. Chrissy's here for another month. Let's do it. All right, do one word or one phrase.

What is it, one word or one phrase? Just write it. I know, I always forget. I always forget to do it. I always forget to do it. Bring back Alex Jones! In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You are that creature in the ginger beard

sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy five dollars for the horse gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger I like gingers