Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Colum Tyrrell Has Some Interesting Dinner Plans | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: October 16, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with Irish comedian Colum Tyrrell for a conversation about stand-up, the insanity of the New York comedy scene, life on the road, and what happens when two comedians with absolutely no interest in behaving themselves get together. Originally from Ireland, Colum has made a name for himself in New York comedy with his fearless stand-up, sharp wit, and willingness to say just about anything. A regular at the legendary Comedy Cellar, he's appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Legion of Skanks, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, and Are You Garbage? Colum also appeared in Ari Shaffir's The End, the 2026 revival of his legendary comedy storytelling series, alongside some of the biggest names in stand-up. Check out Colum's 30-minute stand-up special, 30 Minutes With Colum Tyrrell, available on YouTube, and keep an eye out for his upcoming full-hour special. Watch 30 Minutes With Colum Tyrrell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zvnzgu-2TQ Check out Colum's upcoming tour dates and more: https://columtyrrell.com Follow Colum Tyrrell: https://www.instagram.com/columtyrrell Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #ColumTyrrell #StandUpComedy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hey, Whisk Ginger fans, in two days, October 18th, I'm going to be performing with Dave Chappelle. You know him, you've heard of them. Remember that guy? Me and him are doing a show together at Sloan Park in Mesa, Arizona. Mesa is just right next to Tempe, which is in the Phoenix Greater Metro area. October 18th, at Sloan Park, where the Cubs do their spring training, me and Dave Chappelle are going to be doing a stand-up show. Come out and see us, go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. That's Andrew Santino.com.

In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whiskey, Whiskey, whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a beautiful. You won't be five dollars for the whiskey horse. Ginges, our hell now.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Jr.: is one of my favorite people on the other side of them. Once in me once again today, it's Colum Terrell. What's up, everybody? That was good.

Colum. Terrell. Terrell. Terrell. You crushed. Turrell, yeah. Terrell, yeah. I don't know why you're like, it's like you're nervous to say, so you're spitted out, yeah. Well, column's easy to say.

Colum's perfect. But Terrell's a little weird. Terrell. Yeah, a lot of people say Tyrell. Yeah, no, now you're not right. But you know my uncle, his name Tyrone. You got a white uncle Tyrone? Yeah.

Well, Tyrone's from Ireland. We're the original Tyrone. Stop. Yeah. There's no way that's right. You're saying the name Tyrone is from Ireland. Uh-huh. I swear to God, it's a place in Ireland.

Yeah. The name Tyrone is of Irish origin. It comes from the Gaelic phrase. Big guys from there. Big guys from Tyrone. Big athletic. What is it called? Wait, what's it called?

It means land of Aragon or land of Owen. Land of Aragon. Aragon. That's a Lord of the Rings thing. E O-G-H-A-N. Owen. O-N. O-W-E. Can you speak Irish?

Yeah, a little bit. You can? I have a little kind of stuff about it. It's one thing. You know, everyone here learns Spanish because he live in Los Angeles. and I'm not interested at all. No. But I would love to learn Irish.

Yeah, well now you got the opportunity in kneecap. Just listen to kneecap. I like those guys. If you listen to kneecap and you learn Irish, the only sentences you have are like anti-Semitic asaghani. Because that's all they rap about. Let's play a clip. Turn them off, dude. People are learning Irish true kneecap and only learning like pro-Palestine.

The slogans, that's all they have. I like their stuff though. Kneck, yeah, I don't understand it though. What do you mean? Too young? No, I don't understand the words. It's like when I'm listening to Bad Bunny or whatever. I kind of just go with the vibe.

Yeah, phonics. And then you Google afterwards and you go, oh. He's like, I used to fuck my aunt, yeah, and my mom, yeah. And my sister. It's weird as shit. Wrong with kissing your cousin or whatever. Yeah, dude, all right. The one Super Bowl song was literally like, I have sex with close first cousins and their friends and their friends.

And it's like that is. Fucking my cousin. when we're young, and you know what they do. They're like, all right. And you're like, dude, this rips. I like this song. Yeah.

I'm going to learn Irish at some points. Neckaps a little like that where you're listening to it and then you googly it and it's kind of just like, Hitler was a little misunderstood. And you're like, what, in the hood? And you're like, all right. Let's go kneecap. They put out everything on October 7th.

They just released everything on October 7th. Album drop October 7th. No, I'm going to learn it only because when I was a kid, and my grandmother would she would always say when someone would say Gaelic Yeah

And she's like, it's not Gaelic Stop saying Gaelic What would she say? She's speaking Irish Irish, yeah, yeah She's like because people would say Oh, do you speak Gaelic? Sure, yeah, yeah

Well, it is Gaelic But Americans think that that's what it No, but it's Irish The language is Irish Yeah, I guess it's, you know I guess it depends The English word for Gaelic is Irish

Right, but it's Irish If we're speaking in English, we're talking about the Irish. Well, you could call it Gaelga. Gailga. Gailga. It sounds a little less home, neurotic. I don't think so. Gailga?

Gailga. Gailga. You're getting it. Yeah, but Irish sounds great. Irish sounds way. Irish sounds way better. Like I would go to those step dancing competitions when I was a kid. Oh yeah. All my cousins, my mom, all the sisters, all my mom and her sisters did it.

And you'd hear it because the old ladies would be there. So you'd hear them sometimes. So we do the Irish dancing where the girls have, they have big curly hair. and they just said the legs or whatever and the dresses and they're doing the whole... But then you guys have it over here. I was doing a show somewhere and I was in the hotel.

They had the Irish dancing thing in the conference room. So I was like, let me go check this out. But it's more like a little kind of stripper competition thing. It's like a beauty pageant. It's not like the wigs are different. They're like Dolly Parton. And they're like...

We're selling sex in America. I'm not going to lie. And honestly, which I'm not against, But you gotta warn a guy. I'm going in there thinking of like some sort of a nice Irish. Traditional. Traditional remind me of home thing. But it was just a little,

a bunch of little bad bunnies. We sell sex here, brother. You've got to know that. You've been in America long enough. It was a beauty pageant. That's the only reason you're successful is because you're hot. Mm-hmm. I get that's really frustrating.

You're not funny. I mean, you're hot. That's kind of it for you. It's kind of frustrating to just try to have a new premise about geopolitics and just a bunch of girls. Woo! Show your dick. Do you some crazy. crowdwork on me.

And you're like, oh. And I'm like, guys, I'm at the TD arena going, guys. Guys. I'm more than my killer. I'm more than my looks, bitch. My beautiful eyes. I also have a beautiful brain. Yeah.

Do a crowdwork on me is, it's become the new standard. I mean, it's so funny. It's everywhere. It's not just New York. It's not just L.A. It's not Austin. It's like everywhere now. Crowdwork King now.

I wonder what the amount of comics. Like, if you go up at the cellar, yeah. how many comics are only doing crowdwork versus material there's a lot there's a lot almost more more than half I would imagine if you see a show with eight comics at some point all eight comics are doing

crowdworking. It's not wild at some point it's everywhere it's fine there should be a rule like you know yeah first two already did it should just be a rule like our club doesn't do it our club does not do it we're here for the jokes that's good keep your fucking you know because people are still in the front row like I don't like when they're waiting for it like they're looking at

You know, and they're like leaning in, like, to talk to me, talk to me. And you're like, I just want to do fucking jokes. I just wrote all these stupid jokes for you. I hope you wanted to hear some of them. Yeah, but you know, you could also argue in this world of like everyone's on their phones that this is like, it feels more communal to be alive. Rather than some guy has a bit about oatmeal or some shit. But it's like more rewarding to hear this guy go, are you guys dating? That's your daughter.

It was almost Normandy Oh, is that your daughter? Normandy, is that what we call them? Yeah, Normandy. Storm it, dude. Storm the dude. The beach of Normandy. Hey, Omaha Beach.

I got one question for you now. Please. Disney? Oh, yeah. What are we talking? Did you go? Oh, yeah. You're a big Disney guy.

I'm a big success guy. As long as you're successful, I'll gobble it up. Disney's awesome. Disney's huge. I went to Disney. in Florida. Oh, not here. You didn't go to land. You went to world. I flew to Florida to witness the real deal. Big thing. Big bucket list moment. Don't they have Euro Disney? Where's that? They do in Paris. Gross. Paris is great the first six or seven times and then I'm like,

whatever. Six is a lot. Let's get out of here. Yeah, but you went to Disney World. The real. Yeah, I've been to Disney Paris, been to Disney World. Wow. Never Disneyland here. No kids, just me and my wife walking around. Yeah, at least you have the wife though, though. Yes. Just you was solo. Different story. Honestly, I might have more from one. Alone? Maybe. Totally alone?

Just running to the front of the line. Yeah. Because then you can get up on the, you get better spots on the rights. Yeah, but because they think you have Down syndrome. They let you go off there. This guy's obviously disabled. You can hear his accent. Yeah.

No, no, he's from Alabama. That's how they're, yeah, he's disabled. I suppose you know how to my face. No, the Disney solo is... Did you have a weird... What was your childhood, fucking wild? Wild? Yeah, like bad, sad?

No, great. Parents still together. Parents still together. Both alive? Both alive. Probably having loved each other in years, but they're like fucking... They're married. So they won't get divorced.

That's such a great. This is married. I'm kind of... Honestly, America divorce is like... It's like almost disgusting to me. What do you mean? Like, oh, getting divorced here? Yeah, because you...

No one made... you get married. Right, right. No one made you throw the biggest thing you've ever done. Like, nothing else will ever come close to a wedding. Sure. You invite people. And then you make a little, like, list of like, hmm.

Give me this shit. Should my friend, you're on the B list, like, to this thing. Right. As if it's a big, and then they get married, you do the whole thing, hotels, dress up. And then two years later, they go, oh yeah, they got divorced. And you go, didn't they have a big fucking event saying they wouldn't do that? Am I crazy? Yeah.

But you know what? this is what happens when you grow older and people fall out of love. But then don't get married. Okay, well, that's you're married. I'm married, yeah. You threw the biggest party ever. It was so big. So what if your wife one day is like, I'm out?

I'm fucking tying it to their idiot. I don't know what I'm doing. She's not walking out. You're going nowhere! No, I would rather hear it, I would rather hear murder suicide than a divorce. That happens a lot. That actually does happen a lot. The honorable way out.

Yeah. That's the way God did. That was in the Bible. You might get into heaven still. New Testament. Yeah. God's like murder sue. It's just I can't imagine any other situation where equivalent to a marriage where you go,

I'm throwing this thing. And I need everyone there and we're going to promise in front of everyone. Like it's like you don't need us there. You can just do it. Just do it privately. Just do it privately. You're saying if you might get divorced, just do a small wedding. I just mean like if I promised everyone and then I committed to like a job or something.

Like some sort of a thing. And then just four years later, I got, no, I wasn't really feeling it. So what's the call off? What if it's 20 years? Hmm. Yeah. I don't know. There's got to be a, yeah.

Because my mom said to me one time, she was like, I love your dad, but it's hard. It's definitely hard. It's definitely hard. Well, because they get old. My parents are so old, too, now that I could see, like, well, they're not going to split up. Sure. But you do see how different their personalities are. Because the older my dad gets, the more he is settled into being like, leave me alone.

Yeah. This is what I like. go away. That's great. But my mom still wants to be, like, active and do stuff and da-da-da, and he's not interested. So I could see these battles are tough. I see it and I'm like, oh, it's kind of sad. Exact same thing.

Now, they don't want to be with other people. Sure. You know, sometimes you just want to kill. It is like they want to, they're like, I don't want to see him for a couple days. My parents are exactly like that. My mom's still full of wonder and interest and stuff. And my dad is like, no, he refuses to go anywhere new. He goes to, he goes to the south of, he's been to the south of space.

He's been to the south of Spain hundreds of times, and he will refuse to go anywhere else. Where does he go? Sevia, or where does he go? I think he goes to Malaga. Oh, Malaga is great. Malaga, yeah. Yeah, Malaga, yeah.

Port of Benous or something around that area somewhere around there. So, because his friend has an apartment. But he just goes there, and he'll go to the same pub, and he talks to the same bartender and drinks the same thing. It's kind of nice. He'll do that for the rest of his life. And he'll never be like, I don't want to be in Paris learning streets. and I'm not doing it.

He knows Malaga. I've seen things. I get it. This is what I like. Yeah. If it works, it works. And my wife's just like, oh, sorry, my mother.

Bull. Oh, no. Shit, get that, marry my mom. Cut it, send it to her. It's too late to let her know. But you married an American. I married an American, yeah.

She's gray. She's awesome. Just for the green card. That's why he's talking about that talk, dude. Yeah. He wanted to be one of us. It did speed things up, maybe. It certainly was on there.

Yeah. It wasn't the deciding factor. Where's she from? She's from New Jersey. New Jersey. Yeah, she's great. Her family's great. Would you ever ask her to go back to Ireland, or do you have no interest in going back?

I think it would be hard. I would love to have some sort of an option to go back. Like have a place there? Have a place on the west coast of Ireland would be a joy. Like, out near the cliffs. Was that Galway? Cliffs Mallway. Shannon's over there, right?

Shannon's beautiful. I love it over there. The West Coast of Ireland is just amazing. You're not a Dublin fan. I like Dublin a lot. It's where I'm from. I love Dublin. I know, but you don't want to live there anymore.

I don't think I would want to move to. Because we texted when I was going to Ireland and I was like going back to Dublin, which by the way, pound for pound. Pound for pound, the best international show we've ever done. Oh, yeah, where did it? It's not even fucking close.

With the three arena. Oh, yeah, the point. We called it the point. Not even close. We didn't do any other. Look, Australia was fucking awesome. London was good. These shows were great,

but Dublin did something to us. Well, you know what it is? It was fucking awesome. You did with Bobby? Bob, yeah, Bob. They'd never seen anyone like that before. I know. They tried to capture them.

If you guys tried to have a bag. Yeah. Try to snag them and keep them. Dude, I just think it was just the treatment. They were so receptive. Like from the jump, they were ready. Chanting, cheering, yelling. Yeah.

There is a thing. The vibe was amazing. There is a thing. And this gets a little whatever. But I think Irish audiences are very like what you, because they urban audiences. I'll go over here. They're enthusiastic.

They're energetic. And if they love you, it'll be the best night of your life. And if they don't, it's going to ruin your confidence for a while. But that's what you need. For a while. You need the high. The middle ground's tough. Because when you have like an okay show, you're like, yeah, it was fine, I guess.

Yeah. Nobody won, nobody lost. It's like soccer. It's a tie. And you're like, fuck, a tie. But like with that, you're like, I want to lose so bad or win. win so big because the hit was... Yeah, I know exactly where you stand with the

audience. Because we had, dude, at the show, we brought in step dancers who taught me and Bobby how to step live in front of the crowd. Dude, watching him step and eat shit on what, somebody spilled water and he spilled water and he slipped on his own pile. Yeah, that sounds right. But those girls were incredible. It was just the music was, like, everything

was, the night was great. And I remember leaving and being like, I don't know if we're going to do a better show. We should probably never go back. Wow. Because that was like it was, it was the best. I'm not kissing ass. I fucking. We love that's awesome. We talk about it constantly. Are you skull and points?

I was. Yes. Yeah, well, we were. We were. You gotta have about many Guinness. That's the problem, though, is I don't drink beer anymore. I drink whiskey, and then if I do drink beer, I do like Guinness. Yes.

But something about Guinness, I can have more than I should. Yeah. You can have way too many games. You're also don't be surrounded by a bunch of drunk Irish guys. Yeah, it's easy. Of course, you're going to have a few more than you should. I know, but it's also just like easy to drink them for some reason. It's so nice.

It's just like a simple... It's the best. I know. I could really throw my life away to be a Guinness alcoholic. Like, it's right there. You're close. I could, easy. You're a sniff away.

Do you have any booze bags in the family? Yeah. I mean, no, but not like in the truth. I mean like Uncle Marik is bad. Yeah, well, my grandmother was. She was big. She was a... Did she die of it?

She, no, but her left her for a while. Just gone, yeah. So, uh, but we had to... to go, like, we had to go to the local local liquor stores with, like, photos and go, you cannot give her any more booze, please. And she'd come on in all the time. She'd wear these, like, like, wealthy glove.

You know, like, old, like, Puella DeVille style. She'd come in. Like, she was, I don't know, she was, like, a very boogey bitch. And she would come in and go, a bottle of gin. And they're like, we can't serve you. And then she's like, you fucking can't. A fucking throw a glove at them.

Smack him, take off the glove to smack them with it? Yeah, exactly. So wait. Gin was her drink? Yeah, the beef eater gin, yeah. She'd crush it. Gin's an old lady. It gets you rocked.

It's old lady and my dad. Yeah. My dad, I don't know why my dad, JV, loves it. When I had him here to play golf, we're supposed to meet my mom and my wife and a couple of ours, like a friend. Yeah. And my mom is like, take it easy today. And I'm like, he's out of town. He's playing golf.

I know my dad's going to be boozing, you know, but I had, he's like, I'm this responsible. one. I'm his son. Like, why do I have to look at? I'm like, he's an adult. Dude, one of the guys that works at this spot goes, he's like, oh, Mr. Santino, your father, that's your father? I said, yeah, he goes, he's a black guy.

He goes, Mr. Santino, your father, he drank a whole bottle of B. Pedro, gin. And I was like, no fucking way. He's like, yes, he won a double, then he want a triple, then he want to call him Rupert. I was like, no chance. And he shows me the bottle. And I was like, no more. No more. No more. And then by the end of the golf round, I'm like, Dad, you had way too much, man. And he's like, I'm fine. And I go, let's take a shower. And then I thought, if he's going to, he's going to fall in the shower. That's great. So I'd like be near him. He's like, got it together. I'm like, okay, are you good? He's like, I'm good. He's like, dressed. We walk into the restaurant. And my mom is like, oh, shit. And then I try and see my dad's just like, sloppy staring in his face. I was like, dude, you lasted so, you almost got there.

We just had to sit and chill. He loves gin. I don't know why. Gin and I are no, no, no, no. You can get a good, though. I can't remember now. There's one gin that's just spectacular. I wish I didn't remember the name,

because I don't really drink liquors anymore because it's just. No brown anymore? I kind of had to just get away from the heavy stuff. Just beer, then. I've slowly just been putting up the bumpers on all of my drinking until it's just. I know how many months now you have had any sauce? You know, I did have one beer. last weekend.

One beer's barely counts. And I also had about 50 non-alcoholic beers. I tried that for a while. It was insane how many non-alcoholic beers I drank. You know, you know, O'Connor. You know my book.

Yeah, of course. O'Connor does a bit where, when we were on the road and he was like, I don't want to get hammered tonight. And I'd like, all right, so he'll have a shot. I'm like, I thought you don't want to drink.

He's like, but I'm drinking non-alcoholic beer. That's crazy. So he'll have shots in between NA beers. It's insane. Well, but dude, in his perspective, It's actually brilliant because I would chase that shot with a regular beer and I'd be getting twice as fucked up. Now I'm getting half as fucked up so it's a little more under control.

Yeah. And I was like, I don't think so, dude. You had nine shots. Yeah. I don't care if there was nothing in between. What about a regular beer and some sort of non-alcoholic whiskey then? Would that be, that would even be safer, would it? Yeah, if it's like a light beer.

Because you could drink 100 bud lights. Yeah. They're not. That's water. Yeah. That's all I drink, too, was just the lowest. Just light beer. It's just constantly trying to parachute whatever.

it is. Does your wife drink? Yeah, Boo's hand. Oh, so you're going the other way? You're doing it, why? For career and life? I don't know. It's just like I'm constantly battling this kind of. I love it. I just love it. Because I've drank with you. Yeah, yeah, I love it so much. And I'm still drinking. It's just I got to be like, in two months, I'm going to

get my two months worth in that weekend. Sure. I'll go back to normal. It's funny. I go through ways of it where I'm like take some time off. Like this one, I'm on a little time off. I think I'll come back when it's my wife's birthday because we're going to do a thing together. So I'm like, then we'll get a hang out. It's like truly, even if I don't think I'm an alcoholic, right?

But there's, I just, I could never say no forever. I just could never, it wouldn't be worth it to not be able to have like a fucking bottle of wine. Well, you're never going to be on your deathbed and be like, thank God I was sober for the rest of my life after that. No, because you, I would just, yeah. Some of the most moments I have from having a couple with people. Yeah. Yeah. And look, if it became a big issue.

We got to get drunk. This is so. It's so easy to just convince yourself. It's hard. To be like, I've been off it. And then you go, what about this? A couple of Guinness in the winter pub. You ever like, like a Guinness during the day, like when it's snowing out or raining out and there's like an open fire.

Forget about it. Oh, my God. And then in Ireland's the best because you go into a pub and it's silent. Yeah, no one's talking, not. But it's because everyone's kind of ashamed because it's 1 p.m. You should have a job, but you got fired and you haven't told your wife yet. So everyone just like quietly goes in and they just. Yeah.

and they just one nod. No one wants to talk to each other at all. It's great. There used to be this great video of a pub in Cork in Ireland where the guy walks in and the bartender goes up and goes, How's it going, Seamus? And he goes, Guinness. She was like, all right.

And that was it. There was a great video. Someone just did a sketch that I laughed at so hard. It was like Americans going into a bar anywhere. I think it was like, I think it was an Irish pub and how they're all like mocking how loud the Americans are. and shitting on them. And then the reversal is like

when Australians are in an Irish pub in the Irish roll like, oh, where are you from Australia? They were so excited to see him. I thought it was so funny. It's like, look at these fucking idiots. Yeah.

I don't know why Ireland has such a weird hang-up. I never had it with the Irish-American thing of like, you know, you go over and go, I'm Irish, and then they all go, you're not Irish or fucking Chicago or whatever, you know? But I never greedy cared. It's like, just like whatever.

Well, if you're hit, I mean, claim whatever. I'm American. Yeah, you're American. But my grandparents are from my own. So it's almost like, I don't know, I guess. I don't know why they get so. I'm American. People get hung up on it. They get so tribal than it. Yeah, because they don't want Americans. People don't like Americans, do. They don't want us to like, what is it called?

Like, intercept or like, they don't want us to like take something away from somewhere else. They think it's like, you have enough, America, go away. Did you grow up in like an Irish neighborhood? Like, was there Irish flags? No, no, no, no. No. No. The Albanians? My grandmother's. house was like my grand where my mom grew up and and all the families around them you know it's like

the you know the hurley he's and the omalis and all and they all had fucking 15 kids my mom's one of 10 okay yeah all of the people in their neighborhood are 10 to 12 kids that's awesome yeah that's all that's all that's all that's all they grew up around yes so cool so that's all my mom knew from her generation we gotta bring it back we got we got to get and got to bring back yeah my mom's schools we drove by we just went to a cubs game and she went to school called immaculata that was it's It's gone now. This is the funny... Dude, this is... You can hear...

You already know my dad. You know my dad. You don't know my dad, but you already know my dad. Yeah, of course. So, we drive by... Drive by... My mom's like, I think my high school is around here. And I was like, really, Mom? Do you remember the block?

Immaculata. Look at this. This is insane. Amaculata. Wait, hold on. Is that Latin for something? Yeah, you're going to love this, though. Here. Immaculata.

Permanently closed. This is my favorite thing in the world. So I go. I go, I go, mom, your high school was right there? She goes, yeah, it's not a high, it's not immaculata anymore. I go, what is it? It's the American Islamic College. And my dad immediately, he goes, oh, is that?

And I go, dad, we're in an Uber. Just chill out. It's for you got, Jane, man. I was like, dude, we're in an Uber. Chill out. I go, if it was our car. A bit of an allegory for this country, if you ask me. It was, you could feel my dad.

You could feel him like grip. I was like, Dad, Dad, Dad, we're in someone else's car. Yeah. Chill the fuck out. The Islamic school for trans kids. Yeah. The Islamic school for pre-teen, mid-transitioned. Yeah, Spectrum kids. Yeah, my dad would, I could feel my dad like his neck.

Yeah. And I was like, we're going to a Cubs game, dude. Just chill out. Just hang out. Yeah, no, she, but they got. I didn't go to Catholic school. I did, I did as a kid kid. I went to Moody Bible in the city,

and then when we left the city, Moody Bible. Moody Bible. Moody. Moody was the name, M-O-O-D-Y. Moody. Yeah, okay. It had have been a name of a guy. Look up Moody Bible. He's a little Moody.

He's a little Moody. He's a moody. He's moody. The Moody Bible, the Moody Bible. The Moody Bible's a little moody. Who was it named after? It was named after its founder. Patrick Moody. Dwight Lyman Moody. Chicago Evangelist.

Okay. All right. So you got to wear like wear a little fucking blazer and a tie and everything? We were so young. I was a kid. I didn't even know the difference. I don't know if I had to. And then I went to LaSalle.

But I never got to nothing. But my mom was always like, you have no idea what you missed. Because my mom used to get fucked. She would tell you'd beat the shit out of those kids. I kind of, you know what? I just feel like I do. I feel like if I was given the opportunity to just have free reign to beat the shit out of a bunch of kids, I think, I don't know if I have the moral accomplishments.

with my heart to say no. Yeah, you should do it. You know what I mean? If I was a 1940s priest, I just feel like I'd be wailing on those. All the other priests are like, well, here you're just hitting the kid. You're not doing anything else to them?

And you're like, no, I'm just hitting them. Locked in. I've had no fat before a big fight. Call them, you're not eating lunch. You're like, I got to stay fucking. Six of these guys. Bring in the biggest six of them. What's the age limit, though?

At some point, like, when do you think you can stop hitting them when they're like? Because then they can fight back. When they're big. Yeah. 1415. I was thinking... What do you think

in America right now? What do you think the youngest kid that could beat the balls off you is? Right now? Right now. 12.

11 or 12? There's an 11-year-old out there that would wreck us, right? Have you seen these kids on the internet? No. I'm saying you see these kids that are athletes. Adult-looking 11-year-olds?

Are you giggling? They're grown men. You're looking that up? Yeah, yeah. That's my whole feed. Possible 11-year-olds? Dogs and 11-year-olds? boys. It's like an app.

Soldiers coming home. You tell me how old there. You tell me. The jury, ladies of the gentleman, the jury, look at this kid and tell me that they ain't looking 18. Dude, you'll see these, I'll see a video come on my stream of like Bleacher Report. It'll be like middle school phenom. Yeah. Getting already scouted by the NBA. 11 year old kid who's like 6'4 and you're like, what the fuck?

I do love those like just these like NFL prospects where these guys are just like, like, Humiliating When they're nine It's like It's like the thing in the Simpsons Where like Is it like Nelson like quarterbacks to himself He just loves it in the air

And catches it? Yeah That's what that's literally what these guys That's what it looks I think an 11 year old could beat our ass A 10 year old There's gotta be a 10 year old 10 is on the cut

Just a big corn fed You're some Nebraska kid Yeah big Nebraska kid Some fucking farm kid Yeah Come up and knock us out You just beat the brakes We had a kid who was 6-2

In seventh grade Oh yeah We had a couple of kids. We had kids. Some kind of... Grote. His pituitary glands. Yeah.

Okay. Me play sport. So, yeah, giantism. Yeah. Big massive head. He's dead now, by the way. That kid died. Yeah, yeah.

I remember that was a rumor. I think he's still alive. Organt failure. It's 15 years old. Sure. Okay. I'm working on my own organ failure on my own. No, we had kids in junior high that were big, big, big boys.

I remember a couple of kids. And then we had scrimmage for football at junior high. And I was like, what position am I playing again? And they were like, oh, well, we're going to put you a receiver now. I was like, fantastic. Because if I had to go up against a guy, I was like, a receiver is going to be a DB or a safety will be similar size as me. Dude, some of those other kids, I was like, I think I'm going to quit football. Because they were just getting so bigger than me so fast.

I was like, now I don't want to play football. And I get, well, I guess wrestling, you go by weight, but football is like the real eye opener for this gun. Because we don't have, our sports are. Well, rugby. Rugby? But rugby, you can survive rugby. The way the sport works, you can survive. I know, but you start getting clipped by some of those guys as you get older. I mean, like I, my brother-in-law plays in a rugby league. My brother-in-law is, his parents are born in Ireland. He was born in New York.

But he plays with a bunch of these Irish kids. And I mean, from Ireland. Yeah, yeah, they all come over because they get easy, like scholarships and stuff. We probably give you guys money. Yeah. We'll give anybody money. Come on over. You guys are great for money. Yeah, we're good for money, dude. Come on over. and we even give it away. Live overseas, we'll give you more money, dude. Ask Solinsky or whatever the fucking name.

Yeah, big rugby scholarships in Israel right now. Huge. That's weird. That's where you got. You want to beat the brakes off of Palestine the real way? Come play Irish rugby in Israel. That's so funny. No, dude, they all play in those rugby leagues.

But you just can see the talent level of some of those kids when they know how to hit right. No thanks, man. Well, it's just, there's a weird thing. You learn out to get the guy. tackle. I don't think it's the impact's not the same as football. Football is like raw, like you're standing there, you get smashed. Like rugby is kind of, you're kind of going with the tackle kind of thing. Although I do, sometimes you get smashed. You see some people

get fucking annihilated. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you can. Yeah. I played rugby for a couple of years and I was just, I was the small guy on the wing that just sends you to the wing. And I'm like not time. No, you're not a ton of guy. Like six one, two hundred pounds or something. But I was on that team. I was looking up at everybody. And yeah, they were. crush you. We're like the same time. I'm six one. I'm 200. We look like two different kinds of 200. Hey, you want to wear my shirt? Yeah, I could. You want me Disney shirt? No, man, you keep it. Very different. Yeah, the Dead. The Dead probably played at Disney. Who fucking? I'm sure they did. I'm sure. It's all corporate. Everything's corporate now. It's all bullshit. This is got to be corporate.

The fact that we're about wearing merch is kind of embarrassing. Whatever. Should wear merch. You should? Yeah, I should wear merch. You got to support. This is all, everything is merch. I guess you're right. Isn't that the funny? If they didn't want us to wear their merch, they wouldn't put their name on the thing. We're just walking billboards for everything. The only thing you get away with his pants. And those pants have a shit on it too. Yeah.

I do. My whole wardrobe really, other than this, I bought this, but everything else is I got to Ross dress for less and I just get the cheapest stuff. Or I wear my friend's merch, podcast stuff. Yeah, podcast merch. That's all I have. We wear a pretty fair amount of pocket. He wears anything I get for free and I get, like, that Budweiser jacket I gave to him.

Like, I haven't gone into like a real store looking for a real thing. Well, why? Why? Why? Never. I don't need it. If I need it. If I need it.

internet and have a ship to my house. If I'm like, I really need socks. Yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna go in. The last time I was in New York, I had to go get like underwear. I fucking didn't pack enough. And I was like, I have no time to do laundry. So I just went to go get underwear.

And I realized I was in a department store. And I was like, I don't think I've been inside of a store to buy stuff. You don't need it. You'd get sponsored by all these places. Yeah, they throw your shit. Or you know, you need a new pair of jeans. You scroll on your friend's merch site. Next thing you know, you're wearing the fucking two beers, one K jeans.

We might be drunk shoes. Yeah. That is weird Although of all people who would have Like the most clothing For merch would probably be Lewis Lewis would probably have Lewis would probably have like a merch line

Of every kind of clothing If he could sell it he would Because he's a business man He's a business man He knows what the fuck he's doing He's a business Man Yeah Lewis would if he can make a dollar off it

He would sell it But he's not really a fashion guy He's like we went to know Lewis isn't a fashion guy Not really We went to noble And he wore like Cut Off jeans

and he had like a tapout shirt. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, and I think he had like his hat on kind of like this. He's unapologetically him. Yeah, he's awesome. That's what I like him. When's Skank Fest? Skank Fest, I don't...

Are you doing it this year? I'm doing it yet this year. It's got to be in the end of the year, right? It's towards November-ish. It's late at me. Every time he asked me to go do that, I'm always like, brother, I'm working on a thing. I'm way too famous for this. No, that's not true.

You should go, I'm way too famous for this. Well, people do it pop up a lot. You do pop up. You're every show I watch. You pop up, I gotta turn it off. You got too much bullshit, yeah. November 13th. November.

I thought it was November. Where is it, New Orleans? New Orleans. Great. They did it there last year. It was really great. Fantastic. It's beautiful where they have it

because they have it right on the, I guess, the port or the bay or whatever, and there's a big ferris wheel and the sunset comes over. It's just, it's more like a hippie kind of woodstocky festival than it is. A comedy festival. A bunch of insults who can't get laid, really. Because everyone thinks it's just a bunch of bikers who, who, you know, hate Indians.

But it's really, it's not that. No. That is the brand, but the real person is like very, everyone's on acid and telling you how much they love. Yeah, it's a lot of like, it's kind of like how the misunderstood of like ICP where people like think they know what ICP culture is. And yes, some of that is there. Whatever you're thinking is there.

But the other side of it is very like communal, sweet. 100% exactly. Yeah, it's very the opposite of what people think. Like my only hiccup, we did say we wanted to go to a live show because they're touring a lot right now. Yeah. I just don't want to get sprayed with pop. I'm not, I don't want. Yeah.

I just do not want to get sprayed with pop. Sprague. I just like, that's my literal. I'm like, don't spray me with pop. I want to see your show. Yeah. Not at the cost of me getting wet. I'm just not interested in being wet at a show.

Yeah. Like, we just wanted to go see a show. My wife and I. And I was like, you know, everyone's, it was at the Greek, which is probably our best outdoor venue, man. It's fucking incredible. And I go there and I got high as fuck. And I sat and listened to the whole.

whole show and people around me were standing up and my wife was like do you want to stand up at any point I was like no just a listener I want to be down comfortable yeah I'm watching it's my view was perfect you could see from where you were sitting no you weren't just looking at someone no there was there was a bunch of empty rows in front of us it was like gray like as if god was like how high are you and I was like I'm gonna make sure no one's in front of you so you can sit down because I did not want to stand up that's so yeah I just wanted to chill I was like when I go see shows I'm I'm at the age now I'm like can I enjoy this the most comfortably possible? Yeah, I'm at that age where it's like

too many people singing along. No, no. You're kind of going, all right. All right, easy, all right. Easy, easy. Slow it down. Let them do a little bit of the hard work. Will they ever sing? That's the old thing. Pay $200. You wouldn't, you wouldn't shut up? It sounds like a dad. Yeah. Are you in the band too? No? Then shut the

fuck up. It's like my dad. Are you going to stand all the time, buddy? Hey, great view down here too. Come on. that's awesome you got go to the greek where your wife get high as hell listen to a great band that's where i'm at right now we're so spoiled like that that should be like a milestone moment in anyone's life it's like such a in the history of humans like just be able to do that right is so cool contribute nothing to society just go enjoy music high go get high in

LA and watch fucking music we live a pretty good life down yeah it's fine and now afterwards you're on traffic going ugh god my Uber's enough for 10 minutes or never were complaining about. But that's like so cool. I've learned to thwart that with every single sporting event and everything I do. I either go,

it's either get out of there comically early so you never have to face traffic. This is anywhere in the country. Or if you want to watch the whole thing, no matter what it is, stay and stay for a long time. Stay for an hour.

Go to a bar down the street. Yeah. Then you don't even know what happened. So whenever I said that someone, I go, if you're in a rush, you got to get out, if you're going to like a Laker game or you're going to a Dodge game,

it's like, if you really don't want to be here that long, fine, leaving the fifth inning, leaving the sixth, beat everybody. But if you want to have fun, stay with me, we'll walk to a bar, I'll meet up with him, which we do often.

The Douglas, yeah, or shortstop. We go over the hill from the Dodger game. I kill an hour and a half. I give him money when he's on an uncomfortable date. I was embarrassing him. He's on a date. I'm hammered. He's got some girl, and I just kept giving him money.

I was like, take this girl somewhere in ice. You give a kid, like go get yourself. yourself that's exactly what I was doing. Go get yourself some martinis. No, he was with a friend and I was like just feeding him money. I was like, did I give you money already? That's so funny. Wased.

Well, I don't have a kid. He's like my son. Nice. And he bought that coffee, by the way, which I know tomorrow he's going to be like, can I have six bucks for the coffee? Aren't you? I'll all come back around. What are you? Not doing well?

No. Do you ever turn down a show? Every show I watch on Netflix. You're a fucking head. I'm not on any show. What about a car? What am I on? I watch you on the fucking. What am I on?

Aliwan The fucking Ali won I did the first season The beef And beef of broccoli Yeah I saw it I saw it

It was a good show You're in it Thank you dude Chalman That was my character What else You on Shut the fuck up

McCorm Dave was great Yeah it's a long It's a long time Three four years One of the funniest Scenes I swear I

That ever cracked me Was the ass eating scene When the Oh yeah When the garage Goes out Yeah

I held So hard of that And I think I had to pause The show It was so fucking That was an incredible moment. It was called the milking table.

Yeah. And the joke was supposed to be because your caucus was to go in it. Yeah. And someone's supposed to jerk you blow you from below. But he I think they pitched it, like Jeff had pitched it that it's funnier if he does it wrong if he doesn't know how to sit on it and he puts his

ass on it instead of his balls through it. That was like that's so funny. But they just so slowly. Now where to go. That was great. The funny thing was they wanted do a test run of that scene. They were like, let's run it. Because what's so funny is like, you're an actor,

but you're also a human. And they forget that you're a human. They're like, are you going to be able to drive the car up into the driveway? You're like, what? I didn't forget how to be a human because they're like, can we do a test of it? You're like, no. If you're a staging of the car. Yeah, dude, it's a fucking car. I drive these all the time. I drove one here. But so they wanted

to test it. And I said no, because I wanted to see it for the first time organically. Because I was like, if I see it, it's not going to be is funny in my mind. And then because I'll know the bit. And that take is almost certainly the first take that we did.

Because when we did it again and again, you lose the wonderment of it. Like, the beat's gone. But there's something about the freezing in the moment, too. Because I remember my brother walked in on me with an ex-girlfriend years and years ago. My brother drew a party.

He's older than me. So I must have been like 18 or 17 or something. So he's like four years old than me. But me and my girl at the time, we slipped off into his bedroom and started banging. Oh shit. And we're just like banging on the bed And I have her like...

In his room? In his room. Oh, whatever. And I have his, I have her like legs up over her shoulders. And then the door just opened slowly and I just froze. And so there's like,

and then he just walks in and just, just like, there was just like a 10 second side of it. No words exchanged. Yeah. And he just like slowly walked back out in the room. And she was just like, we all does it. You got to continue though.

He's gone now. I got, buddy, I need five seconds. There was more here. Yeah. Can you stay in here? I'm almost done. Yeah. I'd like to look at you

while I finish. Yeah, can you substitute in? My mom caught me getting head in high school and that was tough. Right. That was really tough. She walked in my room.

I was there on her knees or something. Were you sitting? It was in bed. She was in, she was in, I was laying on my back in bed. She was in my bed, bobbing. Under cover?

Yeah, under the covers. Oh, this is kind of least. But I was above, but I can. You're, you're. Yeah. And my mom. mom walks in and I was like, get, and I remember, I remember not knowing what to say, and I would never speak to my mother this way, but I remember thinking, I have to, emote, get out, but I go, get

the fuck out. And I thought, why would, and my mom, to her credit, was like, oh my God, oh my God, and closed the door. And I thought, why would I ever say, get the fuck out to my mom? Like, I would never talk like that to my mom, but I got so scared. Sure, you panicked, of course. And then. It's like, you think it isn't a child.

You're like, ah, ha! My girl was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Why wouldn't you lock the door? What the fuck? I don't know. I don't know. And then we're like sitting there

and she's like, oh my fucking God. You have to go downstairs past your fucking parents to leave. And I was like, all right, chill out. Just hang. You know, we'll figure it out. And like, I'll like 10 minutes goes by. And I was like, well, we should, we should finish. You got to finish this.

The damage is done. Yeah, we already. You got to need blue ball. We already bombed one school. We got to take them all out. I was like, you know what? dude, let's finish it up. And then she goes downstairs. I walk

with her and I'm trying to like shield her from them so she can get out the door as fast as possible. My mom was like, goodbye. And I was like, oh, God, dude. Was she expecting an apology or something? I don't know, dude. I just think they were pissed off because it was like... Don't ever curse of me.

Yeah, my mom, well, my mom was mad about that. But it was also like the rule in the Midwest, at least, he knows. In Chicago, anywhere in the Midwest, you take that to the basement. The basement, it's okay to get... Basement is dome. Basements where you get dome. Basements for the dome.

If you want to go fuck around, you go downstairs. You don't go upstairs. That's a no-no rule, dude. You can't do that. You go in the fucking basement. They sat you down and said this. They go, you want to crack her open? Go ahead.

We have the fuck room down. What does a sunny getaway with Air Canada sound like? Sunny Jamaica moves to its own rhythm. Rio comes alive long after the sun goes down. Philippines slows everything down And just when you think you've heard it all There's sunny Lima However you imagine your sunny escape

Air Canada can take you there Book hot fares and vacation packages today Nice travels Yeah my dad's like I lit it up I put lights everything for you in a little fucker We got the swing we got Averton down there for you Hey I do the basement was to get up But also the basement as you walked up

had a sense of guilt because everyone knew what was going on. But the base was great because you had steps, at least. So you'll hear the... You'll hear them coming. You'll hear the... Oh, yeah. You had the little bell or whatever, a little trap bell. Put bell on your family members?

That's mom's bell. Mom, get out of here. Yeah. Now, did you have basements in Ireland? No. No, no. Yeah, you don't have them. Just don't bother?

No, we just... Well, you never have, there's no tornadoes. We're an above ground people. Yeah, you really are. Not like you guys. Little, whatever, you went to Vietnam. You learned that you loved your little... Little Tunnelers?

Yeah. We have basements just for tornadoes. That's the only reason why we have them. The Irish seemed like they would be underground. What's that? The Irish seemed like they'd be underground. They're like potatoes and stuff. They were down there with them.

Is this what you do? Is this what you do? I'm very Irish. He's not the brightest kid. He doesn't know much. I think I can say it. I'm pretty Irish. Yeah, his name is McCone Corcorrie.

McCone Corcorrie. Well, I guess if you say it like that, it's definitely Irish. Macon Corcorrie. Tell him your brother's names. Seamus and Flanagan? Shamus and Flanagan? Yeah.

Oh my God. It's almost offensive. It's almost like you pitching a show in the 80s or something. What's your family name? What? Corkery is our last name.

C-O-R-K-E-R-Y. Corkery. His first name is McCone. Do you know any McCone? It's also a family last name. Well, that's definitely a family name. To go first is crazy. McCone.

I've never heard of a kind of anything to start. I do love. I love this, that you're putting this actual Irish shutting down. Because in his little head, he's like, I'm a real Irish American. I got a fake McCombie. I claim Minnesota. McSurley.

My name is McSurley. McSorley. I was born in the pub. Uh-huh. Wonderful. When did your family come over? I think probably the 1820s. Jesus, let it go.

Let it go, buddy. That's a long time. That's way too long. 1820s? And you guys are still coming up with shit. You're a great grandparents. And you're still naming people, Seamus? Oh, yeah.

You got to keep names. I'm saying it's got to keep naming him shamus. He's got a good, they're a good family, they're good people. I'm sure. Get Irish. Keep it going, dude. Keep it cooking. What about the parent?

Do you mind? My dad's name Keene. Keene? Kean. K-E-A-N. Isn't that C? C.A.N. It's not even the Irish way to spell it.

Right. But I know. I knew that. Yeah, you did. Well, you're a real Irish guy. Say, thank you, dude. Not this fucking. Not this pretend.

Yeah, it's funny. dress up. You're larping. You're lopping. I'm a Midwesternary. You're a Midwest Larpie. And his mom's name is Tanisha. That's a weird.

That's a curveball. Yeah. It's a curveball, dude. Yeah. You would never saw that one. No, she's just Jane. She's black Irish. Yeah.

Jane from my favorite songs, Jefferson Starship. Jane. Nice. Jane is, no, they're good people. All jokes aside, the corkries are good people. We love them very much. Yeah, corkarees. I'm excited for you to become a pop.

I don't know if you're talking about that, but. Yeah, we're just the next step. I'm married now, so, you know, the kids are going to come. Is she younger than you? Your wife? By month. How old are you? 36.

Time. Yeah, it's time's ticking, dude. Yeah, I don't mind. You know, I'm happy to have them. If you don't have them, don't care. I think we would care. Oh, you would, yeah. I don't know, I'm very, I guess I would have too much fomo.

I got to do things. I got to try it. I got to have at least a kid for a while. You know? Six or seven years? Give it a couple of years. Give it up if it's no good? Yeah.

Yeah. Some sort of return policy on a kid would be pretty solid. They should have those. I mean, you can just leave it somewhere. I guess you could sell it. Yeah. You know? Send them somewhere.

Selling's tough now because they're tracing everything now. So you've got to leave it. Yeah. Whenever I see that, when I go past a firehouse and I always see like this safe space to drop kids, you know, they have those signs that say like at firehouses, they're safe houses. They're safe houses for people that don't, that want to give up their babies. It used to be the thing. You just drop it off in a basket.

Ding dong and run away. Yeah, yeah. And every time I see that sign, I think how fucking sad. What a place that you're in that you're like, fuck it, I'm leaving it. I just, I can't do it. I'm just, let me drop it off of these drunks playing cards. My grandfather's a fireman. Like a poker house essentially.

They're lifting weights, talking shit. You know what they're doing in there? They're not reading in there. They're not reading in there. They're not reading in there. They're lifting weights, playing video games, talking shit, trimming each other's moustaches, and then 69ing. That's all they're doing.

They're showing photos of naked chicks to each other. Oh, this girl, I matched. We talked to the local fire station near my house because there was a guy lighting shit on fire down the street. Sweet, sweet, sweet, man. Homeless guy barking at everybody lighting shit on fire. So we called the fire station. My wife's like, there's a man lighting shit on fire.

And it's like causing little fires. Just want to let you guys know because it's dry as fuck here. There's brush everywhere. Fireman was like, he was like, I heard him on the other side. He's like, oh yeah? Did you call the cops? They're like, yeah, we couldn't get through to the non-emergency line. He was like,

all right, we'll check it out. It's like, brother, your whole gig is fire. Fire is your gig. Yeah, they're not. They don't give a fuck. The job is like the mental toughness of not doing anything. Most of the day. Just all day trying to distract yourself.

Except for here. Here they have to, here when it's fire season, fucking the worst. And also, then they get called here. So if a homeless guy is lighting his asshole on fire under a bridge, they just have to show up with the cops and the EMTs. You guys have big fires out here? No, not yet. Mm-hmm.

Anyway. Where are you are? Are you in Queens? I'm in New Jersey. Jersey Shore. Went to the other side, huh? Yeah, I had to. That's where she's from. Oh, yeah. So you went to, oh, you're close to her family?

I went to the family. The deal was she married a comedian who's not very successful, so I don't have any money, but we have to live with her family. That's kind of the deal. Yeah. If I was successful, I could drag her to fucking Boise, Idaho, like I want to. That's where you want to be. I think Boise, Idaho, Idaho is gray.

It is good. Are you being facetious? No. No, I mean, it's truly one of the nicest places in the world. So don't let this week. I actually love it. They have a little Basque region. The northern Spain shepherds, there was all these kids dragged to Boise in the 1900s

because Boise is similar to northwest Spain. Yeah. Landscape-wise. So some guy realized it looked exactly the same. He went back, he drove. And he grabbed a bunch of kids who were shepherds. It's like just a bunch of, like a hundred of these like 10-year-olds. And raise them and-

And drag them to fucking Boise. And now years later they have this like cool Basque region district. Spanish-speaking kids? They don't speak Spanish, but they all, they teach, they had to eat the food, the culture, the music. That's pretty cool as hell. You should tell Fancy about that. He'd fucking love that shit.

Our producers from Spain. He would love it. He's from Western Spain too. It depends on the, yeah, this is the thing that people in Spain don't really. Like they have Catalonia. No, he's from, he's from, he's from, he's there right now he's there right now though

no he is there right now he's back in Spain yeah he's back in Spain visiting his family with his little baby that's kind of fun I do like Boise I'm not gonna lie

I'm a mountain guy took us there yeah and we went and floated down the river oh wow and I'm not lying dude I was like this is fucking incredible this might be the best

yeah because you do imagine you go I'll be doing this every day yeah you go I'd get into horse riding and you imagine if you're out of place I have my own farm yeah yeah

Louis had a joke about where you visit a town and you're like, I could live here. I was like that in San Diego and man, I'd be up at 5 a.m. I'd be surfing every day. You're fucking surfing and running. My wife would be 20 years younger and all these like imagining

scenarios that just don't exist. I'd be shredded for some reason. You fucking jacked this shit. I'd be... I own a crossfit gym. I'm like, yeah. I got to Colorado like, dude, I'd get into mountain biking and I'd be shredded. Everywhere I always imagine I'm in the best shape of my life.

I lived here, I'd be jacked. Can't do it in Jersey. You can't. Too many canotes. Too many hoagies. Did you go to the shore this summer? I actually haven't, no. Have you been down to the Jersey Shore?

Yeah, yeah, I've been a few, yeah. That's a whole thing, dude. It's good, but we don't really, I like it. I like the trashy Italian. You head down to a place called, like, does a place called DJs down the shore? And just, it's just, no one, it's like, no one cares about, how bad it is

almost, you know? It's like they embrace... It's a part of the beauty. We're getting drunk, we're doing bad Coke, we're fucking gonna... I'm gonna make out of my boyfriend's brother. My brother. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna jail my hair back like an absolute dickhead. It's the only place you can still get that. It's awesome.

You can get some of that in like South Florida. There's some places where it's got that, but not like the Jersey Shore. This like toxic Italian. It's like a toxic. Italian energy is great. It's so good. That's much better than when people go to like the Cape or Martha's Vineyard. You're like, that's fucking boring. I love it.

I love a lobster roll, but the lack of STDs up there. It really affects there. There's not enough crazy guys with syphilis. That's how you know what's bad down there in Jersey when I drove in to do Borgata or whatever they had those billboards for STD checks. It was like, Goneria is on an all-time

high. You're like, holy shit, dude. They'd come back on Garnaria. Well, what do they say? We saw one for super, it was like super gonorrhea or, do you know this? It like, there was a billboard. It was like, it's gotten stronger. It, there is a super gonorrhea or super chlamydia.

That's so fun. Super gonorrhea. Super gonorrhea. And the pills can't beat it. They can't. It's stronger. Drug-resistant gonorrhea. That's how good they're getting at the shore.

I'd love to know the science behind this, but like, it was like essentially. Because it's, it's mutated. Someone's gonorrhea. Two people had gonorrhea. And they just... Super gonorrhea, dude. You think you can fucking kill me,

Penicillin, dude? Super gonorrhea. You never take me down, penicillin. Get the fuck out of here, dude. He's got his hair slick back. That's cool gonorrhea, dude. That's awesome. It was insane.

I got super gonorrhea. To be honest, I got super gonorrhea. You'd have to text people. Yeah, that'd be cool. I'm so sorry. I just found out super to gonorrhea. You say it positively? I think you should get tested to some girl you slept with.

She's like, why? You're like, I think we got super gonorrhea. She's like, holy fucking shit We got the super one Wagu gonorrhea I got Nobu gonorrhea That's so funny that you're saying that you and Lewis went to Nobu and he wore a cutoff shirt

That's like that's exactly what I love it I loved it. One of the best meals I've had my life actually Nobu? Was it here or in New York? It was here. Here, yeah, the one on the beach? I don't know where. Oh, you didn't know if it was on the beach I don't think it was on the beach, no

There's one in La Siena, there's one in the city The nice one is on the water It's absurdist. It's like a It's like an entourage scene where you're like, what? This is absurd. Yeah. I'm eating fish over the ocean and everyone's house is burnt down.

Yeah. That's what we do the best. Yeah, just enjoy the aftermath of suffering. We do, I mean, and we're never going to fix it. Now we just approved, the city council just approved 10 to 3 to homeless encampments are legal again. We're so bad. Set up tent, dude. Yeah, what are we doing with all these homeless guys?

What are we going to? We got to ship them. Years ago, we tried. I like shipped them out to the desert. We've talked about this. They put them on a bus and they got in trouble. It's tough because it is kidnapping. It is.

It's trafficking. It's trafficking, yeah. But they smell so bad that I do believe there's a, there's like a cutoff point. A hygiene level too? Yeah, there's almost like a, it's like a smell pollution. It's like a noise where you lose your human rights because it's icky. Oh, your ickiness takes away your rights. I do, yes, yeah.

It's sad because I know it's morally wrong, but there is a, there's a fucking smell to the point where you go, all right, buddy, you're not allowed to be part of this community anymore. Or we just have a mobile shower. We just shower people off. We're like, you can stay here. Yeah, some sort of a... We're going to spritz you down. Yeah, nice hosing. Yeah. A decent sort of a housing. Like it's prison in the 40s? Yeah. DeLow some civil rights movement. Well, we probably have a lot of those hoses left over from... Civil rights movement. Jim Crow era. They've got to be around somewhere. That we could whip them out. Some collector has those. No vintage.

That's a Jim Crow hose. Have you got to see my Jim Crow hose? See that photo? Same hose. There's just like some protest they're getting mall. Just getting worked. Yeah, honestly, that's my only problem with homeless people is the sting. I don't know what to... But where you are, you don't get a lot of homeless down there in Jersey.

Not a Jersey, no, but when you're in the city... When you go to the city, it's a different world. They should be, they should be in the... It's way nicer down there. It's just it's hard to walk around, you know. It's hard to walk around. It's not a walkable. It's hard to get your needs.

I think about that sometimes if I'm on a highway and I'm passing an underpass and I go, that'd be a good place. If I ever got homeless, I'd go there because there's a grocery store right down that hill. You think about the resources. You're like, where would I go to get the thing? I have my bridge picked out. You do?

Yeah, if it all falls apart in L.A., I have my bridge. I'm kind of excited about my bridge. Interesting. Can't tell you where it is. I think I'd rather go somewhere small and be the, I'd be like, you know, be the big fish in a small pond. Ah, the big stinky fish. Yeah. Go somewhere where there's no homeless people.

Where would you go? Boisey. Maybe Boisey. Maybe Boisey. But then I think Boisey, I would just like, I would, my thing was I'd learn. the best way to fly fish or something, and then I'd just be a fly fish. And people would, like, hire you to teach them how to? Yeah.

You'd become very successful as a fly fish. You know, I'm just, too much of a winner to be homeless. I think I'd do it for a while, and then I'd just be a millionaire. Just got over it, yeah, just be a multi-millionaire. Let's be funny to be the stinky Irish guy in Boise. Yeah. I mean, what, I think they'd like me. The talk of the town, though.

I think they'd like me. Have you seen the stinky homeless Irish guy who flyfishes? Yeah. It's incredible. He used to be a comedian. Just casting into the street. He's nowhere near the water That fish was attached to the

Rod the whole time Give me somebody I'm wasted piss in my pants All right I'm so dumb There's a comic Amir Kay Amir Amir goes fishing like every day

He goes out here He goes fish He's like I bring back such great fish And I'm always like There's fish right there And he was like Yeah dude it's the fucking ocean And my brain was like

Yeah but I just don't see people fishing out there In my mind I'm like that's not where it happens You know how like if you don't want to know where it is? Sure. It's like the hot dog. You're like, what's in? I don't fucking.

They have, it does it down there. Like somebody showed me a video. This is crazy. You could find this of like an old meat factory. And they had slits on the ground like slates, slated boards. And after they cut all the meat and everything, what they swept between the slates that went down, carried in a trough. And that became packaged store meat for like hot dog meat and all that stuff.

And you're like, holy shit. The hot dog is just whatever's left over. Right. It used to be. I think now it's different. I feel like this is just so much. It's like a piece of American folklore now, the hot dog origin. It's like the pink stuff that was in a McNugget.

Like, that's not real. Right. Where they say lips and assholes is the old joke. Yeah, it says hot dogs do not get slit cuts in modern meat factories. Factories cook inside temporary cases and specialized machines. Yeah, it's all legit now. But the old days. It's probably less healthy now.

It's probably less healthy. Exactly. Like whatever they've replaced the way is actually more cost efficient than the fucking leftovers on the floor. 100%. They haven't said, like, said, like, that was bad. They said that was costing us too much money. It was expensive.

Let's put something worse than that. 100%. How do we find a chemical that tastes like floorboards? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll manufacture that. And then we'll sell it to these idiots. Yeah. That is true.

I had three hot dogs at the Cubs game the other day, too, and I thought, I can't not, I don't care at any point in my... It's like this. It's like, yeah, dude, I like to eat healthy. And then sometimes you're like, I'm here. You got it.

Yeah. I'm not going to have a hot dog. And then I have to have two. When you have two, you're like, I can do three. I could do three, whatever. Who gives a shit? Did I try to 9-9-9? I never did the 9-99.

I never did the 9-9. I'll tell you this. I can easily do the 9 beers and 9 innings. That I can do. Legend. Because I've done that. Easy. But the 9 dogs is so hard.

The 9 dogs gets you. And there's so much salt. It's just so much salt. Yeah. Five is a fuckload. But he'd finish the 9 beers. So he kept with the beers, but he goes, dude, I can't have another piece of, I can't do the food.

The food is nauseating. Yeah, the food is just a nightmare. But 9-99, I think, this kid might be able to do it. I had eight hot dogs at Waltz one night, the pinball bar. He's disgusting. He could do it. He's a little. He was just like, randomly dropping the eight dogs.

Well, because I ate three, and then someone was like, that's a lot. And I was like, I wonder how many I can eat. I think I still got some room. And I was pushing. I wanted to get to 10. And then they ran out of hot dogs. They cut you off. They cut you off.

They cut you off. They cut you off. That's enough. My brother, you've had enough. Don't make a scene? We've ordered you a new. We had a guy in college. They had Dollar Taco Night, Taco Tuesdays at Del Taco.

And we were like, who could eat the most? And I knew I wasn't, tacos weren't going to be my thing. Pieces of pizza, slices of pizza, I could fuck up almost anybody. Sure. Give me a little bit of weed and a couple of sodas. Dude, see you later. I could fucking eat. Go nuts.

I've smoked a couple in my own. Easy. I've smoked a couple in my day. But this dude was like Taco Tuesday, and he was like over under on me. eating 12. I was like 12 tacos is absurd. That's so many tacos. Well, I've done. They did a little the reg like yeah they're a little but 12 is a lot too. Those add up. He got 18 down. Nice. 18 down. We all had to owe him money on it and I thought 18 was absurd. He died shortly thereafter. Of course. But 18 tacos. There's a limit. I'd be willing to try a 999 with you.

Yeah, we, we a few comics from New York did at one time. And Yankees? No, we went down to Philly. Oh, you went down. Yeah, went down, Shane, um, Gillis Yeah, that's his last name Yeah You know him? Gillis? Shane?

I think it's Shane. The tires guy? Yeah. I know him. He's big in this country, I guess. Anyway. Here? Yeah, I've never heard of him.

Yeah, no, he's done some stuff. But I know a guy. So what, him, O'Connor, Tommy Pope, I guess? Exactly. I went down and did the 999 challenge and it was, the food was the hardest thing. Yeah. But just the combination of all the...

I completed the challenge. Fuck you. I pleaded it, get like a group photo. And then like in a hot dog Hayes, I went to the bathroom and puked everywhere. Of course. Also, when I puke, I don't know what it is.

I'm like not logical about it. So I went into the bag, we're in a box, but like an executive box. So it's like the fucking... You're in a suite? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's like the CEO of some gambling fucking company,

you know, and all these, like, whatever. And I rented the bathroom and I puked in the sink. Oh, dude. I don't know why I didn't pukelet. It's right there. Yeah, I just, I don't like getting down on my knees in a bathroom. It's not my...

Only at school as a young boy. The flashbacks are, yeah. If I'm not getting an Xbox out of it. Photo or flattery! That's crazy, dude. Puked in the sink. Did you clean it out? I puked in the sink and it just blocked it.

Just filled it up, right? So then I was trying to like, and I'm panicking too because, you know, you're in this suite that's like, you know, I don't know, shit. Jenny Ortega and all these, like, psychos there. So then I'm just like spooning. Oh, bro. I'm like spooning the sick into the... Into the trash can?

Yeah, real animal. And so then I started using the tissues. Sure. No, I started putting into the... Resorceful guy. I couldn't get the cupping, right? Yeah, I got the trash can and started putting into the trash can. Of course.

So, the whole thing's clean. The sink is blocked, but it's all clean. And now the trash can is just like overflowing in my sick. So I pull out, I pick up the bag, and I was like, I'll just throw it. it in another, I'll just throw it in another spot. I pick up the bag, it burst all over the floor, and I just walked away, and then said, that's, that's when you walk on you, somebody puked in the bathroom. Someone, I tried to help, but I don't know what. Yeah, and then they close off the whole situation. For you. And I don't know who that. So you, it doesn't make puke all down

my chest. You nine-nine. So you-and- I did, and then it was nine, nine, nine, eight, and then it nine, nine, seven, each one, yeah. Hot dogs with the bun? With the bun. With the Nothing on him. I just did ketchup mustard, that's it. That's it. Yeah, lobbed them in. What did O'Connor get to? Do you remember?

He did the whole thing. He did them. But he did it reverse. I think he just did the nine dogs immediately. If I remember correctly, he just did the, he did a nine and nine rather than like a kind of a pacing out. It's interesting. If I remember correctly. I wonder what the best math is.

I bet you if you eat the dogs, if you eat the dogs first. Because I imagine when you get beer swollen, you can't put any food on that. So you might as well eat the dog. first and then try to slosh it with beer. I think you gotta eat the dogs, sit for like 45 minutes. And then just chug. And then Follie, H. Foley from... Well, he probably did 1818.

He did nine in the Uber Dere. He did a little pregame. That there's the man. Yeah, but like... We probably knocked that out. We did look at one point, he was crushing and then, because I guess he was probably on a diet at the time too, so then this was his like...

Snack. Well, it's in competition, baby. I gotta, you know. We look over. where he was eating like chicken fingers and he like he was adding in burgers to the thing a little side quest in it. 99 for a guy his size is no big deal.

Yeah. What does it say? It says just doing it like a marathon like I keep a very consistent one beer and one hot dog per inning. Don't overload it because it could lead to cramps and early burnout. Ah, see the early burnout.

I would see that's what I would think. You got to drink your electrolytes if you're going. Yeah. Yeah. I guess there's a child. It's not really something I want to get good at either. No. It was like Edward Ford.

hands. Did you ever do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I knew guys in college I could wreck, you know what that is? Of course. Yeah, I knew guys I could wreck that, and I hated malt liquor. Sure. So I was always like, well, I don't even want to be good at this. No, it's not a scale I want. But, but, but I knew guys I could just smash it and then be done, beat everybody. Yeah. And then go back to regular life. And I was like, I can't, it made me, just a smell of malt liquor made me nauseous.

I had a guy came to a show one time and I was just like, you know, meeting people afterwards. and he was wearing like a food competition shirt that he'd won or whatever and I was like, what's at the shirt? He's like, I tried to do these food challenges and he's like, I was part of like an oyster competition. And I was like, I've never been more horrified. Like of all the things in the world,

it's like, you know, like the, what's the Joey Chestnuts? Oh, yeah. But it was a bunch of slobs slurping oysters. Like, see if you can get 50 oysters down in 10 minutes. It's like, what is the... No one wins. No one wins. No one wins.

I knew you're wearing the shirt. Like, this is awesome. No, nobody wins. I've never been more revolted by anything. I think I'm off oysters now. I think I'm done because of the Gibson's thing. What's that? Oh, bro, this is crazy.

You know Gibson's Steakhouse? Do you know what that is? Gipsons, Google this. A guy ate oysters like a month ago, and he slipped into a fucking coma. Because there was a crazy bacteria. This is nuts, dude. You see it?

A high-profile lawsuit was taught against Gibson Bar and Steakhouse. plot in Oak Brook, Illinois, alleging that the contaminated raw oysters consumed there on June 30th, causes severe bacterial infection, cardiac arrest, and permanent brain damage in a 44-year-old customer. Oh, yes, brain damage? He's not just a sleeper. He's alive with brain damage. He got out of the coma

now. He's fine now. He had cardiac arrest and bacterial infection. From the oysters. Brain damage. Yeah, brother, you're eating raw sea creature. It's not worth it. You know what, though? Oysters aren't good enough for that. But I truly believe in this weird, almost like, divine situation where it's like, none of that, Nothing stupid like that's ever happened to me.

So it's like I kind of don't feel like... It's never going to happen to you. No, I've never fallen off a cliff. Do you ever see people, idiots, falling off cliffs and stuff? And you go, well, that's Darwinism. I mean, that's because people got too close to the edge. Darwinism, but this is also like just divine... This is random.

You think he deserves it? I think he might have been a little bit brain damaged already. Like, the way weed can bring out psychosis, like, underlining... I think this guy had an underlining coma. You're like, it was going to come one way or another. I just, I can't imagine a bacteria doing that to me. It seems a little. You're too tough for that.

A little, yeah. It is true. I don't wash my hands ever. Really? Refused to. It's a big, that's a sigh up for sure. Washing your hands? I think hygiene is like a marketing ploy.

You're the one that talked about stinky homeless guys and you're talking about hygiene being... Well, they smell is like a fact, but like germs that I can't see. All right, buddy. Relax. I'll buy your soap because it's like socially... After you shit, you're going to wash your hands. I'll definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, that's, what do you mean?

That's the same thing. Like, I don't wash my hands after. I pee. I wash my hands because my hands I don't want my hands smelling like shit. Right.

But I don't think there's like... Well if there's food on my fingers I hate. But I... Yeah, but if I picked... I'll pick up

old dry shit and I control it at some but I don't want off the hands out. I think that's fine. Fucking mine. I think that's okay. Gross.

Like actual shit? Yeah. Like, you know, do you ever just see old white dog shit on the ground? And talk about somebody. You don't pick it up. Hmm?

You do. It's good luck. Irish. She says he's Irish. Yeah, You're not Irish, dude. You don't know shit. Corkery.

We're going to have to strip your fucking name, dude. In Ireland, we pick up the dog shit. I'm hygienic to the point of I will wash my hands and stuff like that. Your wife probably got something to say about that. It's probably blown out of proportion. I think someone is like, P, F-U-P is the hair. I think Seinfeld had that bit where he's like, why am I washing my hands after I pee? My penis has never touched anything all day.

It's clean. My hands have touched nonsense all day. We should wash your hands before you pee when I touch my penis. Carlin would talk about that too. He's like, I don't wash my hands after I shit unless I shit on them. All the greats have bits about not washing their hands. When we're one of them. I don't wash my hands unless I shit on them.

Splashback's a big thing, too. You know, you don't realize until you're pissing with your shorts. You feel it on your legs. You feel it on your shin. The shin area of my jeans must be all piss pants. Yeah, these are all piss pants. It must be like, you must be carrying around like a pound. I have pissed socks on.

These are four piss. Okay, nice. Yeah, I soak them in piss before I leave, so that way it's, you know. Oh, yeah, they're like a darn tough. what's the wall, the alpaca wall or whatever to Are you tired of your socks

and I'm catching enough for your piss? Yeah These are going to catch all of your piss Really soak the piss up It is true when you feel that on your ankles You're like, oh my God I think if a woman found out How much we splash back onto our legs

They'd be fucked There'd be a whole thing going on Show, take a woman once Into a men's bathroom And show them the floor around a urinal It's hysterical Yeah The amount of piss on the face on the legs

floor is comical. Some of it looks like people just deliberately peed on the floor. Yeah, but did you ever be the guy who made a mess? Have you never been the guy who's made a mess? And you go, fuck on it. I have not missed a urinal. No, but it's like you pull out, you pull it out and you kind of, you're pissing before you get it aimed. No, it's insane. I don't even know what you're talking about. It starts before he gets it. Irish. Now he's Irish. Now he's back on more.

He was off. Now he's back. Now, something happens, something gets snagged somewhere, so it goes to the wrong direction, and then you go, fuck, I... No. Never been that guy? In your life, you've never made any business. Maybe when I was a little boy, yeah. All right, well, you know what I'm talking about.

And you're grown up? When I'm growing up, I was grown up now? No. See, this is the problem we're having a successful career, is that you can't be honest to the people. You can't piss on the floor anymore? This will cause you, this will cause you a role. You're thinking...

Oh, no, do I get a lot of flack one time, and I said I peed in the sink on airplanes. People got so fucking mad at me. People got so fucking mad at that. Well, because here's why. Tell me, please. Some of the airplanes, some of like the smaller ones, like the regional jets, we're the same height.

The ceiling's like this, so your arched head, like you can't stand up to pee. And you're too far from the toilet. The sink was like right there. And so I just turned, I pissed right in that thing. And I thought, I got to do this every time. It was incredible. Life acting video. Oh, dude, it was incredible.

And people on the internet, like, I'm fire, not scatzy. I was like, I didn't do it every time. Yeah, but again, it's not really bad. Like, I get it's bad, but it's like... Yeah, it's not going to do anything to you. If I come in, then next. Yeah, you're not touching the bowl. If anything, it's like,

so, it's cleaned so fast. And that's where the soap gets washed into. It's got to be... Actually, it's probably a bit more hygienic because there's soap in it. You heard it. It's a little backwards, sure. Yes, see?

Yeah. And people got mad. I pooped in the sink. People got real upset. That was left it in there. Yeah, of course. Because it has one of those stoppers. Flight attendant?

That was like... The stopper's broken in there. I couldn't. Somebody pooped in the sink. I'm the somebody. Here's a pissing in the kitchen sink. I never done it. The problem, the kitchen with the kissing in the pitchers.

Kissing in the pitching. Pissing in the kitchen sink is a little difficult. It's not at a pissable height. It's not. You really got to work for your dinner. Tiptoe. You got to get up on the tippy toes. And you can't piss out of, the thing is you can't piss out of full stream

because it's so close you're going to get splash back. So it's got to be a little bit of a... You kind of got to really. nurse it out, slow it out. So you have to control the muscle control. Yeah, you got to, yeah, it's a good PC. Kegel exercise? For sure.

Because if you go too fast, it really flies everywhere. Which you probably experienced in the airplane. You have to be slow. You got to slow it out. You can't unleash hell. You have to pee on the side, and you have to make the swirl. You have to peeve so it goes, you know, so it swirls. Yeah, create a little, what is it called?

Whirlpool? Or you can back up into a St. Louis arch into it. Yeah, you arch in there. I guess he could try to do the arch. That's, yeah. As you're finishing, you have to get closer. It's just so much athleticism involved. Girls never have fun when they pee.

They just don't. They just don't get to do it. No. That's why they bring everyone in. My wife said that. How fun you get to just wave, point at different places. Yeah, whizz it all over the place. Because I piss in our backyard all the time.

When we're out there with the dog and I have to pee, yeah. Just pee right in the backyard. That's good. She's like, good for you. That's nice that you get to do that. It's like a game at the fair. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, the aimer. Yeah. I love peeing outside. Yeah, it's cool. It's just the nicest thing to just piss outside I don't know, it's just something about it You're like, in the winter and the steam starts hitting your face

And the steam rises from your pissing. I'm like outdoor boys Pissing of the snow is Yeah It is such a wonderful feeling Did it snow where you grew up? Really Almost never, right? Yeah, if it did it fucked up there.

Northern Ireland gets snow, yeah? I don't think so, not really that far north? It's not that big of country to like the scrimony. Yeah, but they're pretty far up there It's like a few hours drive It's not really not that big of it. Well, but a few hours from here to San Francisco, they get snow, we don't.

I guess you're right. You could be right. Yeah, you're not good at geography, are you? Well, I just don't feel like Ireland. Ireland's not a snow country. Not really, no. Every other year, we'll... You'll get something. Yeah, we get some... We're not equipped. We had big... I remember having big blizzards, and I just shut down the country for like a month.

Because we just, we ran out of salt. We were, like, ringing France going... Can we have some salt? Can I borrow some fucking salt? Yeah, and they had to, like, ship it over to us and everything. We just don't have... You know they were real cunts about it. Oh, yeah. we need it for the Faguan

I remember the first time I had that in France I never had I barely heard of it I never had my wife and I were dating and we went to Paris and she was like we should try Fagua we've never had it and I was like I'll try it and you're like it's weird it's a weird flavor and then when they tell you what it is

you're like oh this is fucking terrible I don't want that it's like dog lever is it Yeah, but it's like they fucking stuff, they force feed it until it's dead. It's illegal in a lot of states in the U.S., but I had it in Illinois. They can, you know. They force feed it to get the... Where's the line, though, you know, because like we kind of do that with milk where you're just like... Yeah, milk's bad.

Forcing a cow to be pregnant. 100%. Milk is bad. I'm never not drinking it. It's the best. I love it. But something about a duck. Cows are bullshit.

Cows are kind of bullshit. We made them. Yeah, cows are bullshit. Yeah. Ducks, you're like, ah, come on, that's a little tiny bird. Leave it alone. It's worthless. What about that?

They used to do that And you probably have the hookup for this Because you're Hollywood elite friends Now that you can't have Go to the islands anymore But baby four skin? What is it?

What do you need? The bird That they drown in the brandy There's a canary bird I think you guys got it Tipmouse here is it There's a little canary bird And

The way they cook it They have brandy and they drown it And boiling brandy? Not boiling bundy. I think it's just regular room temperature brandy. And then he will inhale the brandy so it gets into their body. And then they deep fry it. And then you get to eat the bird hole and you eat this head off.

Yeah, it's like this. It's illegal all over the world except on billionaires' boats. What is this called Ordaland bunting? Yeah, Orde Land Bunting. Yeah. They're something, they're suspended upside down over a container of Armagnac. and by dipping they are drowned before being marinated in the brandy.

Oh my God. Yeah, they drown them alive so that they inhale the thing. It's like a delicacy and it's like, it's also like some weird like spiritual kind of thing. It's completely legal.

It's a tiny little songbird that's captured, forced-fed grain until they grow massively fat and they're drowned in brandy before being roasted whole and eaten in a single bite. Where's this from?

This has got to be a British thing. French. French, yeah. They're weirdos. And they're tiny like chicken wings, tiny things. And then you eat it. And there's also a thing what they do

There's a tradition. You've never seen this? They put a tea towel, like a little napkin over your head. There's a tradition. You put the napkin over your head, you dip your bird, and you eat it underneath the napkin.

So no one sees you eating it? No one sees how dare you eat the thing. And then all these French guys just go and create great movies or whatever. Like, it's like a kind of a cool, like I do, I kind of want to do it, you know? Yeah. Because like, why not?

For the story? Just so that. There's no chance of taste that good. Just do it once. Yeah. Then I'll, then I'll, say, hey, no, you shouldn't do that. The process is sexier than the food.

Yeah. Like the food you'll eat at your mouth and everything. Yeah, look, see? Whoa. That's pretty sick. Yeah, I want one. I think, truly, can I say, do you think, how hard do you think it would be for you to get that? You must have a, you must have a guy who knows a guy.

Sure. Because I did, I did text Tim Dillon about this one time going, do you have the hookup? Of all people, he's my guy. And he was just like, nah, yeah, it's very hard to get. He's who I would text. Yeah, you would do the same thing. Tim? I would text Tim.

We need to do some illegal feeding. Who else do I call? Yeah. Wait, what is it called? Say it again? Bunting? It's called Oordelen bunting. Ordelin bunting.

Yeah, this tiny little bird and they cook it back, and you're not allowed to even cook it like in a knot. I kind of want to text someone right now. Be like, can I get ordling? I just want to know who's got the connection. Yeah, how do you even get that? But where is it in the United States? No, it's completely, it's illegal all over the world.

But you can get it It can't be that illegal There's pictures of it all over the internet Yeah, these are all day This is 2005 This is pre-me too That's how they stopped it Yeah, the Me Too moving really rocked

We won't put up with Weinstein And ordling bunting While we got you Your attention Tim would be the guy I would text Tim is the kind of guy That if I'm anywhere in the world Really

And I'm like, need recommendations for a good restaurant He'd be like, buddy, buddy He would He would tell me me exactly where to go. He'd go see my friend. He's a chef. Yeah, go see my friend go to this like underground cave.

He knows, he knows fucking everybody. I'm like, what about this like three star mission in place? Like, shit. Dog shit. The only people eating there are fucking losers and crimply insane. He's incredible. He's the only guy I know that has like four residences. I mean, dude, he's a single guy, no family, no kids. Awesome. And he's got

he lives, he's Batman. Like he's genuinely Batman. Yeah, yeah. And it's like the perfect alibi all the time. You in New York? Nah. No. You want me to do a thing? Nah. Sorry. Yeah, it's great.

Two seconds later, he posts. Or when he's in New York, you're like, you're in New York? He's like, I'm in Long Island. I'm in the Hamptons. What is it first? Dude, he's like, what is it? Tell me what you want, then we'll talk. Yeah, he's got the perfect escape. He is, like, live in that

the DreamWork comics are like, I'm bi-coastler. I live in multiple cities. A lot of people are full of shit. He actually does it. Yeah, he's doing a lot of time. Yeah. I mean, did you ever go to his house here? Yeah, before. The old one. In the hills?

Yeah, yeah. It's hilarious. Yeah. You're like, who are you, dude? Yeah, I went to, I went. It was huge. I went to his house, and he had this hot tub, and it was raining, but we just, like, got in the hot tub anyway, and we're just like hanging. He's like, fucking great, right?

And I was like, it's freezing. It's freezing. He's like, yeah, Matt of Scalgo is over there. All right. Just in a tub with him. Yeah. Watching Hollywood Hills and the piss and rain. I'm like, is this it?

That is Hollywood. Yeah, this is it. That's actually what Hollywood is now. It's the best. Isn't this the best? Yeah. I know what sushi ordered that has. All right, I'm going to try to find, spell it just so I have it in my, spell it.

How do you spell it? O-R-T-O-L-A-N-B-U-N-T-I-N-G. All right, I'm going to find out. It's been illegal since 1999. Orde-land. Do you want to guess how much it is per bird on the black market? Guess how much what? Wait, but like, how is the bird, like, when I'm buying it on the black market, what am I getting?

buying a single bird per bird. Is it in a cage? No, no, I believe it's already prepared. Oh, no, this is already done. On the black market. On the black market, each bird has got to be... These are little birds. But you're not getting like a vacuum-packed pre-cooked fucking...

I'm assuming at like some black market restaurant. It's not like some sort of a fucking heat-up in your microwave thing. I mean, this is like at a restaurant. It's served to you on a yacht in international waters. It's got to be $1,000 a bird. $20,000 a bird. Wait, really? I'm going crazy, yeah.

160 to 270 We can get a couple of birds Yeah, it says 150 euros to 250 euros Which is 160 dollars This is not, this is easy This is not regulated I think it's just hard to find it

I was thinking me Dana White Fucking yacht Let's go Let's you Dana Trump on a yacht Have you had ordering banking? That's the best one It's the best It's because it's illegal

It makes it taste better The fees if you get caught Because up to 9000 euros and up to six months in prison. 9,000 euros, that's not... Water off it looks back for you. Just over 10 grand. Nothing. He walked right, he wouldn't even know.

Wouldn't even know, is it? Wouldn't even know it's gone. I should have had more. That's like, uh, uh, uh, that's like weed in Texas now. Yeah, what's going on there? Fucking Texas is it really? Is it really? That bad? It's so stupid, Texas.

So they're like, we're the free of, free of state in the union. You're like, really, dude? You can't have fucking weed and chicks can't get an abortion if they want to? Shut the fuck on. No abortion? No porn hub. No porn hub. Such a stupid fucking state sometimes.

You're like, what are you guys doing? This whole like, we're free. You're like, are you? Sounds pretty restricted to me. Sounds like the most restrictive fucking place on earth. No weed is ridiculous. Dude.

Yeah, it's crazy. Well, that's because lobbyists because big tobacco and stuff are... But it's gambling and all this shit allowed? Like, I think gambling's legal about that. Can you bet on whatever? I don't want to mention it. I mean, Calshy, all these online gambling things,

it's never been easier to gamble on anything. Clearly this is the biggest bug sweeping through America right now. Oh, yeah. And, you know, we'll cut to some commercial, but Yeah, we will right now. We probably will.

But like, whatever, get your money, you know. But it's like, clearly that's the thing that should be regulated. And they're just going, no, no, people are eating too much Doritos. Let's fucking get rid of the weed. I know. It's like they're not.

Well, the weed thing's got to be a tobacco and alcohol lobbyist have got to be safe. Yeah. They don't want weed. Because weed is so nice and safe and easy and you're not beating your fucking spouse when you're on pot.

You are, but it's so funny. It's sweet. It's so funny. You're howling. You just find it so funny. No, I think it's another symptom of, uh, we're too free. Anytime we get too free, government's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, stop it. Sorry.

Yeah, it's just saying. But you just use a VPN when I'm in Texas. When I'm anywhere, I use a VPN if I want to watch porn and. Isn't that a little much? A little fap and a half. Don't you feel like it's a little much to log in to your little like a, uh, the VPN? No, just turn it on. Is it?

Easier than, you know, in Texas in all those states, you have to, like, show your face or your ID. I might have unlocked a kink because I was in Florida and no porn. I found a audio erotica site

where there's just like a, like a girl talking. And she's like, yeah, she's like acting out the whole thing. She's like, oh, we shouldn't be doing this. Oh, and then,

I'm like, I don't think I came hard, that hard, in 20 years. Just headphones out? Yeah, I'm definitely. It's like the way the book is better than the movie. The audio is just enough.

Well, it's kind of like when I was in high school, Victoria's Secret was incredible because it was like the idea of not seeing it was hot. It's right there. I know it's right there, but I can't see it. So it's so hot because you couldn't see it. And when you see it, you're like, sometimes like porn is like a little, like,

I never got into those like photos of like big spread leg. Like like, like, hustler. Yeah, I never got into the whole like, when every page is fucking open, you know. It's weird. You're like, cut that out. Now, give me a little something to work for it.

Tease me. Yeah, yeah. Tease me a little bit. Let me earn my orgasm. I love you. I appreciate you coming on the show. This is awesome. What's the plug for your tour?

What's your website? Columterill.com. Columterrell.com. Yeah, head over there. I'm on tour everywhere. Everywhere around this country. Everywhere on this country. You're going international or no?

I'm going to be working on it. Nothing booked you. Yeah. You should do. Yeah. You've been doing it, right? I'm trying. Can I just ask before we go, how does that feel to be able to go?

Like, oh, I've got fans in... In overseas? France. Like, what's that feel like? I mean, like I said, we were talking... The Dublin thing was... Yeah, exactly. Like, that's like so surreal to go over there.

Well, even Australia was wild. Because you're like, why are we going Australia? Are there people that are like us down there? And I was like, I think you think your brain is like, it's just America. The world loves comedy. It's just... Is it accessible? And is there a place to do it?

Like, is there a proper venue? in certain cities. Because I realized, like, Burr, I remember years ago, Burr was doing, like, a big European tour. Yeah. And there was a couple of places I was like, they have enough English-speaking people in that country, and he was, like, way more than you'd ever imagine.

And they fucking love comedy. Yeah. I just, it's, like, hard to get to the place. But now that we got there, it's incredible. I hope they, we hope we can still do it. That's awesome. Until they tell us to fuck off, you know. That's great. We'll keep doing it.

We end the show the same way. Go to his website. Please go see him live. He's a very funny dude. Friend of the family. family. Look at that camera, say one word or one phrase. This one right here. One word or one phrase to end the episode. It could be a word of wisdom, could be a phrase, whatever you want. Yeah. Fortune favors the brave. In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.

You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's abugers are pugil. You only five dollars for the whiskey. It's $75 for the horse. Ginger's all hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.