Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Dane Cook

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

On the show this week is the one an only Dane Cook! For a time he was unquestionably the biggest standup comic on the planet playing arenas all over the world before anyone else. He talks about his meteoric rise and shares perspective and wisdom in the next chapter of his life and career. #danecook #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcasts *** Please Note: Audio is lower quality for the last 10 min. *** THANKS FOR NOTHING SANDISK!! 🤬 ========================================================= SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: WHISKEY https://rabbitholedistillery.com/drizly BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey ========================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey and Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, it's Dane Cook. Dane Cook been in the game for a long, long time. Started the internet revolution of comedy many moons

ago on MySpace. He's here with us today. I'm on tour, baby. Me and Bob Lee are touring around the country in the fall. Come see Bad Friends live. We do stand-up. We do bits from the show. You can get involved as an audience member.

It's so much fun. We're going to be going to Boston, then D.C. We're going to be in Denver, Chicago, Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee. A lot of M's in there, baby. A lot of M's in there baby A lot of M's Come out and see us Go to badfriendspod.com Badfriendspod.com

For those tickets Enough rambling from me Let's go to the episode In here We pour Whisk Whisk Whisk

Whisk Whisk You are that creature In the ginger beard Sturdy Ginger Like vampires The ginger gene is a curse Gingers are beautiful Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. All right, are we rolling on all of them? Coney, make sure. McCone is a good kid, but he's 22,

so sometimes he's the dumbest guy on earth because he's filled with jizz. That's the problem. Is he one of those guys that you can read the room and see that the face that he's making, something's wrong, and you have to then go, I'm sorry, should we stop? Is something up? It feels like something's...

No, here's the issue. His face is always contorted, and he does this thing. He's worrying me right now. See, see, see, it's scary. Is this Nod? Scary, dude. I don't know what it is, but it's a Minnesota thing. They're all a little evasive and strange. They all hold their knee like that, too.

They're knee holders. They always fucking do the thing where they hold their knee in. They're ready to do a jackknife in a pool at any given time. I feel like I'm at an Al-Anon meeting with this dude right now. He's just fucking waiting to speak. But he's not sure if he's ready to fucking share the goods. He won't share. Wait, have you been to Al-Anon? Yeah.

You're a big Al-Anon guy. Oh, dude, I grew up going to Al-Anon meetings. I didn't even know what I was going to. My mom would take me to the local Hyatt Regency or whatever it was where they were having a little... That's where they were at. And we would go there and fucking... I'd just be sitting there like, what is this exactly?

Yeah. You know, I was like, this is the worst comedy show that my mom could have. These guys are all bombing. My dad, I got, I went to one with, my dad was, my dad liked prison and cocaine. Okay. So he went a bunch.

He kept going back to prison. He did? Yeah, dude, he was good at it. Oh, shit. One of the best. Okay. Maybe one of the best. But he got in and out a few times, got clean,

and when I was, I want to say in my young teens, he took me to my first Al-Anon. Yeah, I was like 13. Yeah, and it was like eye-opening. The amount of cigarettes and coffee consumed was like stunning. Yeah, the amount of like, it was almost like commandments, but not. It was like, here's the 11 things that are, you know, you must have to. And it's weird because some of them I adopted and i know are still a part of my life but i don't remember the uh the exact

um rigmarole that you were supposed to like go one one at a time through but we used to we used to hit one a week man i used to go with my mom all the time because my dad drank yeah and uh probably should have been in prison actually a couple times that might have given us a little bit of a fucking intermission. Yeah, a little time out for dad. No, instead it was like local cops coming to the house that were his boys anyway and saying things like, you know, Georgie, we got to come on. We got to get out of here.

And then they probably all go drink together. Sure. Of course. So I'm glad that we have similar Al-Anon upbringing. Well, yeah. Mine was never, booze was never my dad's vice, which is ironic because I love booze, but I don't really like anything else. Like, I never. What about prison?

Prison is chill. When you drive by a prison, are you like. Papa. I've run into my father when I go past Cook County. No, you know what's so funny is he, I just, I learned as a young age that you're like, when you heard prisoner jail i always thought murderer you know like the worst kind of people and then you're like man there's a lot of people in there for a lot of different things and my dad became one of those things where i was like he was never a bad person

he made some mistakes in life with choices and it reframed my mindset about who goes to jail and prison it i was like oh it's not as a kid're like, that's where the worst people on earth are. Yeah, but it was also glamorized because I grew up watching like, you wanted to go to prison because then you could escape and make good

friends and like build a boat together and you get to dig and fucking learn what kind of minerals the walls made out of. It just seemed like kind of a crafty

kind of place. Yeah, Dane crawled through 400 yards of foul smelling shit I can't imagine. Only to come out clean on the other side. It's so good, it's so good. Oh, it's still the best. And also when he was doing that, when he was like army crawling through that pipe, Yeah. every piece of me thought, what if somebody flushes?

What if? I was always like, what if? There's no way there's not another pipe that isn't connected to- So you're telling me all night, nobody flushed? There was no poop coming down? I think once a week, for whatever reason, I just hear the name Andy Dufresne. Andy Dufresne. It just goes through my fucking head. I know. Is that in your top five favorite films of all time?

100%. The only reason it's been pulled away is because it's been overplayed. Put your knee up again. We should just grab the knee, and that's an indicator that we're all safe here. It's got to be one of my top fives, but I will say this. It got overplayed so much on the movie channel that I got a little grossed out by how often I'd see it. But my phrase that sticks in my head is, I just miss my friend. I guess I miss my friend.

I think about that all the time when I think about friends from back home. I go, I guess I just miss my friend. I do about that all the time when I think about friends from back home. I go, I guess I just miss my friend. I do. I do miss my friends from home. Do you miss guys from back home? Yeah, and I wish that they would leave me a letter and tell me there's a fucking onyx stone somewhere under a giant enormous tree that looks like no other trees in the forest. That's right. And that's where you made love for the first time, didn't you?

That's actually true. That's a good segue into the love making portion. Wait, where did you lose your virginity? Now I'm curious. On my high school girlfriend's front porch. A porch? I was 16. It was on my 17th birthday.

So it was the night of my birthday. She crawled into my sleeping bag. And it was an East Coast screened in porch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Families in the house are all in their bedroom. And then she sneaks into the sleeping bag and at that point I was like oh shit, this is happening right now.

That was it. So I was either 16 or minutes away from being 17. Did you zip it up? The bag? Yeah. I don't remember. Like when you crawl in, did she open and then close it? I think when she crawled in, oh this is going to sound so corny, but the thing that I remember for whatever reason is,

I shouldn't even say this, it's so corny. I remember, well, first of all, I remember I was like fucking, you know, I was like laser hard. Yeah, it hurts, doesn't it, when it's that age? Yeah, it really was. It was almost like I really felt like my whole body just like, I don't know if I'm ready for this moment. And then I looked through the screen door and the moon was full. And I remember thinking like, I don't know if I'm ready for this moment. And then I looked through the screen door

and the moon was full. And I remember thinking like, I'm a man now. It's like the cheesiest. No, no, it's cute. It was like I was in the moment looking up at the full moon and realizing, okay, I'm about to, you know, I'm going to have a deep voice tomorrow.

My balls are going to drop. When I was on the beach, that's not corny. When I was on the beach losing my virginity, I've talked about it on another show. I was 17. Okay. 17. And we were on the beach and she was sitting on my lap. And we were looking up at the stars over the beach.

And she said she wanted to see a shooting star before we hooked up. Yeah. And you're waiting for, you know, an hour, two hours. And then I remember just pretending that I saw one. Being like, oh! You just sold her on it. Oh! And she was like, is that?

I was like, it was. Did you see it? Because you know how, like, if you're a little buzzed or if it's late at night and you're, like, dreary, if you, like, look and look back at something, it feels like— Yeah. Was that— Shooting a refrigerator if you fucking whip-snap your neck. If you snap it hard enough.

That's what I—I think I got— I think that was the way that I was like, okay, let's finally do it. She was like waiting for the right moment or something. Are you, I don't know why I'm jumping back. Yeah, give it. Are you a sci-fi fan?

Do you watch Andor? No, I've never seen Andor. Should I see Andor? You should see Andor because not only, it doesn't matter, if you're not like into Star Wars or sci-fi,

it's, I like Star Wars. It's not, it's set in the Star Wars universe but if you didn't know, if I didn't tell you, you sci-fi, it's not. I like Star Wars. It's set in the Star Wars universe, but if you didn't know, if I didn't tell you, you'd be like, oh, this is Star Wars? There's no aliens, no Jedi, none of that. But the reason I'm telling you is because there's a three-episode arc which is basically as good as Shawshank, but in space.

There's a space jail, and what happens with our characters, I think you would appreciate it. You'd probably text me and be like, this is Shawshank Star Wars right here. Okay, send me, remind me so I can, text me after the show because I'll watch it. It's really good. I want to see this. Anyway, you'll remove that from the final cut because nobody gives a fuck about my fun fact reminders. No, hold on.

Wait, jump back because I'm interested now. I just said, when we talked about Al-Anon and stuff, you've never come near the sauce. True. And this is obviously a sauce-based show, and not everyone that comes on the show drinks. A lot of my friends are sober, but a lot of my friends found sobriety through struggle. Okay. You never wanted to go near it. I didn't drink. Yeah, ever. And it has, and you probably will die never having

a taste of it. I can't say that. Really? I can't say that only because I never, I didn't make a pact with myself to never drink it was just something that when i hit 20 i felt like it was it was like um okay everybody i know is sozzled 24 7 yeah and competing with it and trying to out fucking inebriate each other and so i looked at it at the beginning like let me just see if it's something that to perform and stuff I would I would need. Yeah. And then it wasn't until I was like 22 or 23 that I kind of was like, all right, I'm doing pretty well.

What if I fuck up? What if I am fucked up? And what if I got the gene, which a lot of the people that I knew had it? And so I waited. And then when I hit 30, it became kind of like a thing where people like, oh, you don't drink. You don't drink. That's like your shtick. That's your thing. But I can't say that I would never drink because I'm not anti-drugs or alcohol. But it's just one of those things. I feel like if you've gone this far, it's like with me and heroin.

I'm probably not going to do it. That's the one you have done. Well, since I was nine. Yeah, yeah. It's getting laced. No, but I'm probably not going to do it. I'm probably not No, I think... No, I'm probably not going to do it. I'm probably not going to... I like cocaine.

I'm probably never going to do it. I've always... Because my dad did it. But I like mind-altering stuff, and when I hear stories and I watch podcasts and people talk about... Can you make a little bit more noise

with the keys? Yeah, please. If you could, please, just jingle-jangle those a little bit. Wait till McCone starts going through... They'll start typing. In the middle of the fucking... Steven Soderbergh was on?

Yeah. And the kid is like ticky-tack typing in the background. the fucking Steven Soderbergh was on and the kid is like ticky tack typing in the background dude we hear everything as comedians we hear what the waitress whispered about the order

that they said was wrong but the customer was wrong and the waitress knew that they had it right the first time we're dialed in to every single I just heard your

fucking bone settle I just heard your fucking bone settle man you gotta get that you gotta get that patella tendon checked out okay well he's got so much cartilage.

You got a microscopic fucking hole in there, man. It might need to be filled with your own plasma. He's got those shoes. Those are bad walking shoes. I say that all the time, dude. We gotta get you some more support. You're gonna end up like me. I'm on drugs right now.

Are those Reeboks? Drugs. Wow, man. Those are fucking throwback Thursday sneakers. Old school. There's no tread on those at all. Nothing. Look at that, dude.

Look at the bottom of his fucking... He could enter a slap fight, and if the guy closed his eyes, he would think it was a hand, but it was the bottom of his fucking... of that fucking kick. Have you seen that, by the way? The slap fight championships online?

Yeah. I kind of want to... I want to go to a live one. I want to see it, but I'm always like, dude, if you're just a little off, aren't you losing teeth in the back? Well, essentially, have you seen...

They're so technical about what's a slap or what's an illegal hit. Yeah, because they kind of do this, right? Yeah, you have to be on an axis, and you can only do it one, two, and on the third, you have to slap. Yeah. Right? You can't do it out of turn. But I've seen a few guys that get so far back, it hits the ear. Have you seen this?

It's disgusting, and the ear will start bleeding. Oh, fuck. And then you'll see, like, their jaw looks like it's unhinged. Right. And their face sometimes will immediately, like, you're right. You can see it blow up almost, like, right awayhinged. Right. And their face sometimes will immediately like, you know, right? Balloon. You can see it blow up almost like right away when they get hit. I don't like the guys, I don't trust the guys that I see come out of the fight

but don't look like they got into a fight. That scares me the most. Like UFC, like Sugar Sean, right? He just, Sean O'Malley, he just had a fight and then afterwards it looks like nothing happened. Right. That scares me the most I feel like you should

look all fucked up if your face can take all these hits and nothing changes yeah you've only won if you look like Rocky right you wanna

somebody's gotta cut your eyes and shit was that a big film for you as a kid Rocky yeah like I think movie movies probably had

as much an impact on me as comedy like I love stand up but I think movies probably had as much an impact on me as comedy. I love stand-up, but I think certain performances like fucking Willy Wonka, like Gene Wilder in that movie. It was the idea of being funny but then being something else. The king of comedy. Jerry Lewis in his later years became my mentor.

And for about six years, every Sunday, my call with Jerry. I was like, I should do a book called My Call with Jerry. You should. And we would talk about fucking King of Comedy. And I told him, I was like, that's the movie that almost immediately when I started stand-up, I was like, I'm a nobody, but I'm already fighting the idea of like, I don't want to just be funny. I want to be able to play a fucking part like that. That's kind of like, you know, twisted and a little bit, you know, you know, an offshoot of the character or whatever people see you as.

So Rocky, I think Rocky, because honestly, it was like that. It was so emotional. That movie, the scenes with the turtle and, you know, Adrian in the in the pet store. It was really sweet. Yeah, it was great. But he was funny. So anything that was, like, attached to, like, oh, he's funny. He makes me laugh.

He kind of escapes me from this, you know, sometimes our house was a little turbulent. So anything that was comedy but also something that was somebody who wanted to get out of a situation. That kind of showed me, like, a little bit of, like, where I was at growing up in uh in arlington like what's the escape willie wonka like what's the fucking golden ticket what's my thing out of the way out right so yeah i love performance in general did you get

do were you when i you don't have to touch too deep but when you say you wanted an escape was the house so toxic when you were a kid uh you were, like, scared for your life type shit? There was some pretty gnarly stuff in there, man. Yeah, my mom and dad got into some barn burners. They got it, like, there were some nights where it was so loud that they had to shut all the windows and, like, prepare for, like, whatever the next level of, you know, screaming and shouting was. Yeah. And they were competitive.

So everybody wanted to win even if it was an argument nobody was just like ah whatever nobody walked away from anything in my house it never ended this is it you know we're going until somebody's like i'm just fucking tired um so i think that everything for me in terms of the the way we grew the way we grew up years later in my therapy it was like we were on such a tilt that i didn't i thought it was normal yeah but we were always kind of in a place where we didn't really know level ground you know what is normal yeah no no i didn't know normal until i i had a home and then finally i was like oh this is boring nobody's yelling right now yeah fuck like i have

to yell once in a while just to keep things interesting i just look in the mirror i'm like you're fucked up and just to see if i can incite some fucking anger um but no i'm i learned through the years like i'm uh away from stand-up very passive very like i like it very zen low-key and so yeah it took a lot of years but inspired by a lot of different films and in stand-up yeah and and look, your reign in, I've known you for probably, I don't know, 12 years or more or something around that. And I know you too, and you know what's interesting? And maybe this is too much information,

but you're one of the guys that we know each other, but we don't really know each other. Yeah, of course, yeah. And I'm not saying that in a bad way. I've always admired the work that you've put in, and you've fucking done some cool shit, man, in your career, acting-wise and all that. But it's still like, whatever circles

we ran in, it was always kind of like, hey, what's up, man? And seeing each other and then whatever. We're both off to whatever we're doing. You were at a height... You were at another height period when I first started. And you were nobody. Yeah. That's right. I was at the bottom. You were nothing. Yeah. 22. And look at me now. That's you at the end of a fucking alleyway just sitting in with the one leg. No, you were nobody. Yeah, that's right. I was at the bottom. You were nothing. Yeah, 22, and look at me now. I'd see you at the end of a fucking alleyway

just sitting in with the one leg. No, you were coming up the ranks, man. No, but I was hustling hard, and the Laugh Factory was, Jamie was always very nice to me, even when I was very young, for no other reason than I think he thought I was good. And you were,

that was kind of like a home for you, your second home. Oh, totally. You were there as much as I home for you, your second home. Oh, totally. You were there as much as I could remember constantly, every single night. That club pretty much changed my career. Yeah. Because if I didn't get in there, I came out in 98, and I was here for what I thought was a couple months on my buddy

Wayne Previty's futon, who sadly just passed away. But he was the guy who really, his futon gave me the opportunity to stay here. And then Masada put me up and I realized around 98, like Shirley Hemphill's out here and Paul Rodriguez and all these funny people that are kind of like aging out

in terms of they came up with their generation. They were locked in. Everybody knew them and they're like legendary. But there was really nobody young. If I went back east, everybody was in the pits trying to figure out how to figure out New York and Boston. So I just ended up staying out here because Jamie offered me the opportunity to get on stage. He was like, you can go up as much as you want. He did.

Yeah, he was like, buddy, any night you want to come. Buddy, come in any night. You get up. You work. You work your thing. Buddy, any night you want to come. Yeah, buddy, come in any night. You get up.

You work. You work your thing. And so I just – honestly, I just took him up on that and figured if he's going to give me the stage time. And I'm on Sunset Boulevard. It's like – it's glamorous and you're like, prior out here. It just – it was – everything was – the store and Kinison and all the stories. You almost – it sounds kind of – like you couldn't believe you're so close to it. I'm sure you felt that when you first were – 100%.

Like, I can't believe I'm sharing stages where, you know, this is where every hero I ever wanted to emulate has performed in here. Yeah. How long will I be invited to the dance and can I get better? But I loved that period of time when I didn't know. Yeah. How do you feel the dance is now? The scene? Like, for you, you're saying, do I get invited to dance?

And now you've been at the dance for a long time. Oh, yeah. What is it like now for you? Yeah, now it's like, now I'm the old bull in the hill that I feel like the personal dance and goals for me,

I'm always enthused about. I always get excited about whatever it is that I'm working on next. I get more excited that I now get to be a mirror for some other people that sometimes want to come to me and get my two cents,

almost like being a mentor to other people, but in the way that I wish I had more of, which is I had a lot of people that were frustrated that I was finding a path, and I had a lot of people trying to give me the wrong advice. You shouldn't do, you shouldn't. I was hearing a lot of that. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't do, you shouldn't. I was hearing a lot of that. You shouldn't do that.

You shouldn't do, you shouldn't perform there. Whereas I was fortunate enough to start realizing my whole thing is like helping somebody keep their integrity. And what your act is has nothing to do with me, but the legal stuff, the, you know, people trying to change you from what you are, like be whatever the fuck you are.

You have to make your own mistakes. You have to, you know, if I didn't you from what you are. Like, be whatever the fuck you are. You have to make your own mistakes. You have to, you know, if I didn't ignore some of those things and I took the advice of a lot of the people that told me I should, should, should do this, this, I never would have had the career that I had. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole. I've been talking about this sauce for quite a long time now.

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Drink responsibly. Have fun. Ginger. I like gingers. And where you are now, though, are you, what's, like, what's the thing for you that's, like, now that you've accomplished, stand-up is kind of one of those things where a lot of guys, once they conquer the final boss, so to speak, which you did in many ways. Right.

Had, you have all, you've done all the things that a stand-up could really do. It's now, it's like, do you want to continue to do stand-up just because you love it so fucking much? Or are you also trying to make a new version of yourself in stand-up? Right. Well, I think that it's always a new version because loving Carlin or Pryor, you realize, oh, these are chapters from a journal. Yeah.

This is also, if you stick around long enough, you actually get to comment and do commentary on yourself, your own ignorance, self-deprecating. The new special I just put out, Above It All, and then I'm editing the second night. We did two nights, two shows. The second night even more so about taking the piss out of myself and talking about some of the things that I fucked up on the way up and some of the things that I actually did right and what humorous came out of both of those situations. So once you have the luxury of feeling like you've cemented a moment and then that moment ends or it becomes something else, the pressure is off. So it's now like, all right, where do I want to take it? What do I truly want to be talking about? And then for me

away from standup, how do I want to use that same energy that I have for 32 years to get to where I got? I still have that same energy. I wake up with the same feeling as 1992, where I'm like, the first thing I'm thinking of is like, what's on the agenda? What do I want to do? What am I shooting for next? Who said no? How can I turn that into a yes? But to know that now I can do that and go like okay the pressure's off I'm not trying to like pull ahead of the pack I can just try to figure out how do I really want to what frequency do I want to dial into here? And what do I want to what am I ready to share? You know what you said?

I don't want you to give anything away But it's interesting when you said like some of the things you did really right and some of the things you did really wrong Do you like what was one thing that you were like, I fucked that. I can't believe I fucked that piece up. Doesn't stick with you and not like regret, but like. It's probably more that the worst part about breaking away from the graduating class that I came up with and being kind of first was there's no playbook for that. I'm a welfare kid out of Arlington, Massachusetts. Uh, I didn't have a mentor who was successful at that time, at that time to really be like, welcome in. Here's kind of how you, you know, here's the decorum.

Here's how you behave. So it was a mixture for me, probably of the ego hits you first, but then you realize, oh, all my ego is is a veil for the insecurity that I still feel from when I was a kid, which I had a lot. I don't want to go so – it's too modeling. But I was really upside down. And for a lot of years, I thought stand-up made me this person that would then bleed into the rest of my life. But when I would leave the stage, I was still that kid. So ego coupled with a lot of abandonment. And I wish the biggest mistake that I made was not going to some of the guys that even that I came up with to say, I know you feel like you don't know how to hang with me right now.

Because a lot of it was them two being like, you're doing this cool shit and I feel like I'm not really doing anything. And, of course, I'm like, I don't want you to feel that way. I want us to all enjoy. I did Torgasm to go. I had people say, you can do that on your own. I'm like, no, let me share it. Let me see if these guys can pop off this moment as well.

And they did. A lot of guys did. Yeah, Bobby Kelly and Gary Gullman, Jay Davis was in there. It's like, but I wish I had taken more advantage and been more honest even with the guys

that I came up with to say, I kind of feel like I'm losing myself a little bit. And then by the time I got to the pinnacle, you know, my mom and dad are sick. I'm fucking fighting cancer with them but i'm also the

biggest comedian in the world and so every day i step off stage and i go right home to like try to you know i'm talking i'm dealing with hospice as the crowd is fucking still rifling out of arena number 180 i was just with al dotley my old tour manager we 181 arenas over a two-year period a arenas b arena shitty c like arenas that like shouldn't have even been we did hassan hussein's arena over in iraq legit like we're you name a spot in the world we went there did you bomb but uh no i i killed no bomb man, it was, that was, that was probably the thing that took the most time to resolve, I guess, was that I had apologies to make to some people because I too pulled away from certain people because I didn't know how to say help, you know?

Because how do you say help when everybody thinks you're the shit, right? You're the fucking lead dog in a moment and you're like, I don't know what I'm doing, you know? Because how do you say help when everybody thinks you're the shit, right? You're the fucking lead dog in a moment. You're like, I don't know what I'm doing, you know? And the industry is pulling you along and it's like fucking throwing you the fucking, a little bit of cash and a little bit of love. And all you want is for somebody to come in and go, okay, here's the reality of it.

You're in your moment. Moment can last eight months. For me, it lasted about eight years. It was a good eight year run from whatever 2002 to the end of the decade yeah and i look back and go man i wish that i could have locked in with a couple of people i won't say who in particular that it took me a long time to finally mend those relationships i think we missed out on some time that could have been pretty cool but i think that's super big of you to say genuinely. I mean this.

When you said, I wish I could have admitted that I'm losing myself a little bit. That's a thing that I think nobody really talks about. Yeah, and that's part of what I mentor. I'm always saying, like, have a clear boundary of where the industry is over here. And when you go home, that's just life. You're just a normal fucking human being. I know that the calls and everything permeates, but try as soon as you can to just confess and profess that you don't have it together. I know you look like you do.

I know people right now that are in that moment. You know people right now that are in that moment. Those are the people I call and go, I know you're spinning. I get it. But take time to step away and like, tell the people that you want to love, spend the time with the people. And if you're fucked up, don't wait, call somebody and be like, I don't, I really don't know what I'm doing. Cause we get it. There's more people that are like, I know. Yeah. Well, because most people are going through something. It's hard to explain. It's hard for people outside of the business to, for you to explain to them like, Hey man, this is kind kind of a hard weird thing when you're getting success and

the business is here and your new friends are kind of this this you know these people that you're like these guys like me because they like me or because so all of these things no one really takes into account when you're on your rise and when when you see that as someone who's grown with guys who have exploded, you know, it's tougher than people think in a way that's like, I know at home,

it's a crimey river, you know, world's smallest violin, but it is a challenge in a way that is no humans, most humans don't experience. Right. The world doesn't,

can't experience that because it's so uniquely odd. But what's so great is when you see people or you know people and they have their moment and even better is when they can call you and go i've had some people call me over the years and go i i get it i fucking didn't get it yeah you know i put i put me here and you there and now that i'm in it like okay yeah it almost like I mean there's not even like a we need to it's like

I I yeah I'm sorry man and I go I totally I'm just glad you made it so you can understand that it wasn't personal that it was just batting down the hatches uh and and what you hope for is that when that all ends in a sense and then you're normal again and fucking just regular person that as things start to the net, the next season starts to come and you're like, all right, I'm getting hot. A new normal is happening. Then it's even better because now you're like not dealing with, uh, all the extra frills of being, you know, the bell of the ball. It's, it's fun. It's great. There's a lot of good that comes with it, but you get lost in it. Even if you think you've got your shit together you get lost in it so i have found that the last like eight or nine years of my life in

career have been even more gratifying because now i'm i'm doing what a lot of you guys have done really successfully which is like finding ways to cross-pollinate and work with people i don't want to just be lone anything comedy is lone right lone Loan. You're out there. You're at the helm. It's, for me, as a kid that felt so isolated as a kid and all I ever wanted was community, I look now and go, we're in the best era, as you know,

to be like, now you can really cross-pollinate and collaborate and have fun. Obviously, you're doing it with Bobby and stuff and having your own success, but do you look and go like, is there like a dream collab that you would like to have out there somewhere? Have you thought about that? Yeah. You know, when I was a kid, I spoke about this the other day.

When I was a kid, working with Jim on camera, Carrie would have been, like, the greatest thing. He was my boss for this show I did called I'm Dying Up Here. That's right. Which was great. That was always my dream. Thank you, dude. That was my dream to like still to this day would be the killer to work on camera with that guy. Right.

I don't think it will ever happen now because of the circumstances because I don't know how often he will come back on camera. But – I think he will. I hope. He still seems to – I hope. I think it's all – hey, listen. Something beautiful is written.

Yeah. That's where the hope turns into a possibility. I think he would come back if given the perfect project. And, yeah, that was one of those guys. Who is it for you? Is there someone that you're like, man, to this day, I've always wanted to work with XYZ? Oh, boy. I mean, recently, I thought I would love to do a tour with Louis C.K.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because of where our relationship has come to over the years, and I think that that would be an exciting show. I haven't talked to him about it, but I should. He has no idea that's great.

He doesn't know. I don't even know what his personal agenda is. I know that he's, you know, obviously crushing it and things are great for him, but I look and go, like, for me,

that would be a fucking wild live show to be a part of well that's kind of like how like chapelle and rogan have done these duo arena shows together which i think joe was saying it was like really organic it wasn't there was not like a uh big pre-planned thing i think they both were like do you should we just i love it do it and it just like i saw dave uh and Donnell down in Australia, and I was in Australia at the beginning of the year. And it was just like when you're with a crew of friends playing an arena show.

The best. I was like this is what little kids think rock star shit is. I brought however many people like to open and feature for me because I was like you think it's going to be hard. Yeah. But as long as you're funny, you got it. It's the best. And what's funny is the era I came up in was like, that was really unusual when I came

up to do an arena, not since Dice. And there was a time when it might've even been Rogan and some of those guys were like, that's not a comedy show. That's an event. That's something else. And I'd be like, I swear to God, it's a comedy show. But it is an event. It's also and I'd be like I swear to God it's a comedy show, but it is an event It's also a comedy show events. It's everything but I promise you if you are funny

It's a fucking comedy show and it was it I think some people felt like it was at that time it was it's kind of funny to say now like it was almost unusual It was like this level of comedy. That's not he's taken a past comedy where it should be in a theater sure and it's it's bonkers It's just people yelling in t-shirts and then suddenly I see... Everyone's doing it. And everybody goes, oh, this is where you want to take your business to because why not have

5,000 people are laughing, 15,000, 25,000 people, as long as they're having a good time, they can hear you. It's like, why not? Yeah, I did the tour with Bert. Bert did a tour and we did... Fully loaded? Yeah, we did a bunch of arenas and, you not? Yeah, I did the tour with Bert. Bert did a tour and we did... Fully loaded? Yeah, we did a bunch of arenas and, you know, 15,000 at the Gorge. It was like, I mean, it's a party.

What to you, after all these years of playing a million different venues, what's your perfect number? Oh, wow. As much as I play into, like I just did Mohegan Sun again, which is like, I think when it's filled, it's right around 8,500. Yeah. I did Fallsview, which which is have you done the new one uh Fallsview uh there's a new theater casino that's almost like if you took the Beacon Theater and just went and brought it up a little bit higher yeah it's the Beacon and Fallsview both around 50 5,500 yeah they're over 5,000 because it's like Because it's like a wall.

It doesn't feel like they're going out. It kind of feels like they're... Like, our Radio City, love it, played Radio City, awesome. But it kind of goes far back. You're like, I'm in Radio City, but I like when they're on you like that. So, Falls View Casino is kind of my new favorite spot. I think anybody could film a special

there, too. State-of-the-art, beautiful. But Beacon Theater is like... Beacon's the one for you. Yeah, you can't... But there's a lot. I could sit here and list a lot of places theater-wise. Did you ever play the Met in Philly? I don't think I did, no.

The Met kind of has a huge... Their second row goes all the way up to the sides. It was beautiful. It's one of those theaters that I was like, this is like... You know when you walk in sometimes pre-show and you're like, is it okay to be playing here? This is like a little too pretty for comedy.

It's like ornate, beautiful carved designs. And I'm talking about my asshole. And you're like, I don't know if this belongs in this room. The chandelier has got like 40,000 different pieces of fucking crystal hanging. Yeah, like little cherubic angels drawn on the ceiling. You're like, do I deserve to be in this fucking room? I said that to my mom. The first time I got to play Chicago Theater, I thought,

this is so much prettier than I deserve. I was like, and that's home for me. So it was so overwhelming. We stood in the room for like, I don't know, 30 minutes. And my mom was, I was just like, this is fucking crazy. When I was a kid, I saw Phantom of the Opera there. Do you know what I mean? I was like, I couldn't really wrap my head back around playing there.

It kind of felt beyond surreal. So those are the numbers. But that kind of 55 is like you like those theaters. I like 55. If I was going to have like a perfect touring year, it would be like I've always probably for 20 years when I first started doing like the Penn State, the larger venue, it would be like, um, I've always probably for 20 years when I first started doing like the, the, the Penn state, the larger venue, like the field house, Penn state. Sure.

I love the Rolling Stones. And I was always like, I want to make it to that 30, I'm 32 years in, but 30 years in when you're like, I'm going to play that arena. I'm going to play that shit hole. Then I'm going to come over here and play this beautiful fucking theater. Then I'm going to do a pop in at this fucking place in the middle of nowhere to me that would be the ultimate like uh just coast to coast hitting every size venue yeah bringing a few of your friends busing you bus or no bus um you know i like buses but i still have i still have the thing where i need to get home you gotta get like like that. I got to get home and not, and it's just my, for my anxiety. I get anxious out on the road. I got it. I got to go home and reset. What do you feel? You feel like it's your, your, you're so vulnerable because you're not

near what makes you feel the most comfortable. I, I've, I don't know what it is. I just know this. The second I leave, I'm fine. I could stay out on the road for a year. If I, once I'm there and you said like, let's just stay out on the road, a year if i once i'm there and you said like let's just stay out on the road you would not see me struggling no i'd fucking have a great time we would eat great places i you know a lot of people we'd go to the ball games we'd right but there's something inside of me that's like i need to go home and reset i think it's maybe just not having the home as a kid that i looked forward to getting home to it's just something in my conditioning in my in my mechanics that are like, go home, reset, clean the duffel bag out, fucking get back out there.

Get back. Yeah. You must like your home. You fucking put your special there, which I thought was wild. I did, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're inviting people literally into your home. Yeah.

Was there ever second thoughts where you're like, is this a terrible idea? These humans are in my house? No. I already had a stalker who found out where I lived. Two stalkers that found out where I lived. I already had... Two stalkers? Two stalkers, same year. Wow, that's so funny. And not even at like

peak, I'm the shit, it was like way after when everything kind of fucking settles. That's when they come in. Now? Yeah, when everything slows down. They can't get to you when you're hot, baby. But you know what I found out? One of them was just starting to watch the specials at like 04, 05. I was like, oh, so for them, I'm at the fucking top.

I'm the new guy. But doing this special at the house was, first of all, anybody Googles anybody. You can see where somebody lives. I had a guy one time in the nicest, scariest way possible go, if I was ever going to break onto your property, I'd start here and come around. Like he drew me a little fucking map. So I'm like, okay, I can do this because when I was 12, we used to meet on either my porch or Mr. Macromero's porch. And that's where the neighborhood would come together, smoking, drinking, cutups, everybody

get up. And I would do like, this is Mr. McKenzie mowing his lawn. Like I would fucking have at it with everybody. And I was funny. ups everybody get up and i would do like this is mr mckenzie mowing his lawn like i would have at it with everybody and i was funny right it was just being on the stoop improvising some serious conversations start happening you know what i mean like there's all right these two are getting into it a little bit i'm going to say something funny try to break it up and from 12 years old all the way to even doing uh boston garden i talked to marty colner he said you know the garden you know but i was like i want to do the garden or i want to do my front porch and he was like

fucking do the garden yeah let's do the which he he came back he actually just directed marty colner directed the new one but it was something at 12 years old i loved when i moved into this house 13 years ago i just sat there one day i was like i'm gonna film a special here someday and it's gonna it's gonna be a bunch of people bust in. They didn't know they were coming up. They didn't know where they were being – they just knew it was Dane Cook's show somewhere. They didn't know they were going to be on my front lawn for a couple hours. And when we – they built some risers, Marty and his production.

So we had about 600 people on my fucking front lawn. Holy shit. Including like a few hundred on these beautiful risers that they built. But I mean this sincerely. Like I knew the show I thought I was going to do, but when you're on your porch, how you behave is so different because even if you want to put on a little bit of like showmanship, you can't. I'm in a hoodie on my porch.

And so it ended up being something that I think is truly special and unique. And I think it feels like different from anything I've ever done, only because when I got out there, I started talking about stuff that I had no intention of getting into. So a lot of it was improv that you didn't have written for the special? No, no. The reason I did Friday and Saturday night, I did an hour and 40 minutes Friday night,

which was most of the above it all special. And then Saturday, I just rolled for like 245 and talked to pretty much everybody in the porch. Holy shit. Learned everybody's story. It was basically a crowd work special in some ways. Sure. But I was still throwing bits in because I had ready pre-COVID tour, the Telt Like It Is tour. That was ready to be a special.

That got fucked up by COVID. Then during COVID, I start working all the other material, and I had two specials. Sos so i was like all right i'll film all the pre-covid stuff on friday and then saturday i'll do the next one so the next one's called gritty and pink and that's going to come out at the end of the summer that's so but you knew at the beginning or this kind of organically happened where you were like we'll just shoot two nights maybe there'll be two specials maybe there'll be one i knew it would be two special. I just thought it was going to be the hour before COVID and then the hour like kind of during. The banter and then like the second show, although funny when I edit it, it feels more like kind of a podcast come to life. Or if you do a show where you're like really improvisation, it's very improvisational.

It's special because you're like, oh, I'm getting laughs in the moment and then I'm weaving into some bits and then I'm going back. So, I don't know if it'll, I think it's one of those things that for the rest of my career, whatever I do, nothing is going to feel as different from stand-up but still stand-up as that.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, man. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. I've spoken pretty candidly on this show for a very long time about BetterHelp, about getting therapy. I think it is a wonderful thing to get stuff off your chest, lighten your load, drop your shoulders a little bit, make the day a little bit easier. Okay? And BetterHelp does just that. They help you get to a place where you feel comfortable again with what's going on in the world.

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What's one of the best pieces of advice that Jerry gave you? Because you would talk to him that often. Oh, shit. Jerry Lewis, man. He was a fascinating guy. For people that don't know, if you're a comedy fan and you might not know who that is, please look up Jerry Lewis. Because to me, it's one

of those things where how do you get remembered or how will you be remembered? And I don't know if a lot of young people know Jerry Lewis or know his stuff. And they may have seen him through their dad maybe, but he was such an iconic, original figure. He was Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis was, for Jim Carrey, what a lot of us would look at Jim Carrey as. Correct.

Yeah, totally. He definitely begged and borrowed from him for sure because he's got the same. There's a lot of the same. And Martin Short. Yeah. Because he's got the same... There's a lot of the same... And Martin Short. Yeah, well, Marty does it to a degree where Jerry transforms into the character.

Like, you see him physically change shape. Right. But I have to say, I think Martin Short does it better than anyone ever. Like, Jiminy Glick, to me, may be unequivocally the best character transformation I've ever seen. Where the voice, the eyes, like his mouth, he chameleoned into a new human being. Yeah, and a character that also, because of Buddy Love,

and you think about that, the duality of being tremendously funny, outrageously funny, but there was still some real vulnerability in there. Totally, yeah. And something very oddly lovable about him, even as he was kind of like you know taking somebody down peg so jerry lewis for me growing up was like i understood

that he was for a good 10-year run the biggest star on the planet with dean martin martin and lewis yeah you know uh they were like bieber level out a window, and millions of people are outside the hotel. And not only did I learn a lot just watching his confidence, right, but understanding he writes and directs a lot of these things that he's doing. And then he did drama. I see him in King of Comedy, and he's very good. And then I read his book on filmmaking, and I'm like, oh, he's prolific. And then also he's an innovator. He invented playback. Playback on a set. That's Jerry oh, he's prolific. And then also he's an innovator. He invented playback.

Playback on a set. That's Jerry Lewis. That's his. He literally went to Tokyo, met with the head of this company and said, I need to be able to see myself on set. I need to be able to play it back because I don't know if my choreography. He owns the patent for fucking playback.

For that. Holy shit. Yeah, goosebumps. So this is a guy that when i finally had the opportunity to get to know him i think he was 82 when i when i started young lad yeah yeah 82 and he was uh but 82 and as curious and as just incredibly um gracious you know uh still was studying and understanding the way if he met you let's say he was going to meet you he would he'd look up your work he'd sit down with you he'd know you're special he'd tell

you what you're thinking he'd he'd find a moment and i i found like myself talking about like my madison square garden gig with him one day and him just literally being like now the moment that you do the civil war flute and then you and he he's talking about the dedication to physical. And I bet your toe was in it. Your toe was in that moment with your fingers. But the thing that he said to me that was probably the most... He was also a very intense guy. There was a darkness in him that because of my dad...

I've been friends with some people over the years. Some people would say, I'm kind of intimidated by that guy. I'd be like, oh, that's my spot right that's like lovable to me so his the way some people didn't quite know how to approach jerry uh i think he liked that i come in i'd be like with the attitude really you know and immediately he'd be like ah you know he was just waiting for somebody to come in and be like relax right you had your okay? It was 50 fucking decades ago. He just loved that shit. But his big thing was he called me one time.

I was really honestly at like the lowest probably moment of my personal and professional life. Everything had just kind of caught up to me. I really felt like I was, you know, I just didn't know what I wanted to do next. No phone calls coming in. Uh, you know, movies were starting to drop comedy, comedy movies kind of ended in a sense. Like I did my last comedy film. And then like two years later, I started getting calls going like no more comedy films were being made because what would happen is if you came out and you had like a $32 million opening, or we had a couple that were like in the you know mid 15 million or whatever and then there was three other maybe comics that came out and were duds little did i know that that was also meaning that my opportunities yeah we're not going to be like

only sandler had it untouchable untouchable and not even arguably so he always delivered yeah good movie off kilter, whatever. So I found myself in a place where I was like, I don't really, you know, and I was getting kind of negative, which is not really like me. I try to like try to find some optimistic way through anything. And Jerry called me one day and I never wanted to like burden him with stuff, even though we've gotten pretty close. But one day he's like, no, really, what's on your mind? And I told him, I was like, you know, and I just feel like nobody wants to participate with me. And some people, it was that time when people go like, I don't know if you ever got this even in casting,

where people go, no, no, we know him. They won't even meet because they know you. Oh, we know him. Yeah. We know him. We've seen his stuff. Yeah, we'll keep him in mind. He's like, no, I'm fucking, I'm 10 pounds heavier.

I'm fucking, I'm different. We know him. We saw him in 04 do a thing. Right. So I was just convoluted and, you know, and he called me up and he goes, I want you to get a piece of paper and get a pen, my boy, right now. And I did. And I stole my desk right now.

And he said, and he goes, first he goes, we don't do negative. Negative. We get rid of negative. It's poison. It's toxic. You start off every day with this piece of paper. And keep in mind, it's because I'm feeling so fucked up. I don't even want to write down what he has to say.

I'm really like, okay. And he goes, you know, he says, write down, I'm a very important person. I mean something to people. i'm a very important person i mean something to people i'm a very smart man and he goes and remind yourself that with that knowledge you can do good for people and that's it he goes and don't ask or look for anything else you you've had enough you've had moment after moment yeah help other people and remember these things. So that's on my desk, and it really helped me. And he helped me. Actually, every Sunday my calls with Jerry were like kind of got me through a lot of turbulent moments in my life.

Tough times. Tough times, man. Yeah. That's powerful that he, honestly, the comedian in me has to think of as I'd be writing that down, the smart man part, I'd have been like, I can't, Jerry, I will not write that part down. Right. Yeah. I went to Arizona State. Like, I'm not going to fucking write that down. I'll write that. I'm important to people part, but I'm not, cause I don't want someone to walk

into my office and be like this fucking dickhead thinks he's smart. Like you got season D's in high school. You fucking, I was dumb as a box of rocks. So that would have been the initial comedic moment, but it's beautiful to have someone so important and powerful in comedy. I think what he was saying though, even from though, even from that phrase but getting to know him was we all have something to contribute. Yeah. So we are all smart in a sense if you stop letting the noise take your focus away and get back to what is your purpose here? the noise, take your focus away and get back to what is, what is your purpose here? The lottery ticket of a life that we all have, you know, you're smart if you know how to figure out, okay, what, what gets me fucking pumped up every morning to get out there and continue to try to find ways

to entertain for me, ways to entertain people on your down day though. Yeah. What is Dane cook on his down day when you're like, okay, man, I'm logging off. I'm not doing any of the shit. Because you hum at a frequency, dude. Like, for as little as I know you, but as much as I've seen you, you're never not moving, right? You work all the fucking time. And when you do take time for yourself, when you do, what is it?

What's your, like, I'm blasting off a little bit. I would say probably the last while I've been with Kelsey now for five years. And I'm like that, like, holy shit. Like the best, you know, the best times of my life over the last five years with her. But even like a few years back, I remember one time listening to somebody in an interview. It might have been around 08, 09. back. I remember one time listening to somebody in an interview might've been around 08, 09. And it was like the, another person talking about, Oh, I wish that I had learned to slow down and take vacations and look back on my life. And, and I was like, I'm fucking doing that. I'm,

I'm changing. I'm going to change the entire system of when I'm working, I'll still give that percentage of energy. But I'm going to give the same percentage of energy into off days. So I started building up a community of friends and people away from the business, regular kind of lives. Regular normal fucking people. And I'd say like the last eight years, I'm the guy that when I'm not, you know, out there, I'm enjoying life to the fullest. I'm, I'm traveling, I'm doing stuff that like, I'm being curious and I'm doing things that I've wanted to do probably as much as stand up, which is like explore. Yeah. You know? So yeah, that's like my, my, or like just a down day. I look at it as, um, uh fucking take i go cheap sheet therapy i'm like that's needed

i don't fight it i don't fight the down day i just kind of go like all right everything's off computer goes off i don't go in the office and i just fucking you know i just handle it bomb out in bed for a little yeah yeah yeah and i don't i used to you eat a meal in bed are you this guy well i eat a meal in bed yeah i'll eat a meal you will yeah i'll get a fucking joe's meatball sub once in a while and just open up that tinfoil magic and just it feels so good eating your bed and my wife has no idea that i do it sometimes when she's gone but yeah i like it so much right and then you lay down you feel the crumbs on your back and you're like i did that dude i love it so much something about eating in fucking bed because it's it's absolutely like my mom would be like are you out of your fucking mind?

You're like, I bought this house! You feel so free, like I'm supposed to be able to. That's how weird it is in my backyard sometimes with the dog. What do you got? What dog? She's a slut mutt. She's like a cocker spaniel, terrier.

A slut mutt? She's a slut mutt, dude. That's funny because I call my Rhodesian rich back a rich bitch. Oh, rich bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spaniel Terrier Slut Mutt She's a Slut Mutt dude Well we found her downtown LA Oh Rich Bitch She's a Slut Mutt They found her downtown LA And she's like a ragtag lunatic But when I'm in the backyard with the dog sometimes

Like in the mornings I'm naked and I'll take her out there naked And I think I'm being bad But no one can see me So I'm like why do I feel bad about this Well it's like I'm being bad, but no one can see me. So I'm like, why do I feel bad about this? Well, it's like I'm naked with a dog, but who gives a shit? Because I sleep naked.

When I walk around in the morning, I literally grab coffee naked, and I walk out there naked. Nobody can see me, but for some reason, I can hear my mom being like, what are you doing? Put on some fucking clothes, you pig. It's the dog. She knows. She knows I sleep naked.

She couldn't care less. Doesn't care. She, also, I start, when I started sleeping naked years and years and years ago. I did the same thing for a lot of years. I like it. I've never, when I was. I started doing shorts about six or seven years ago. Just randomly. I was like, I think I'm ready to fucking be clothed. Ready to go to shorts. Yeah. I just, I've been naked for so long.

Once my stalker came into play, I was like, I gotta be ready to fuck. I gotta get ready to fucking up and fight. Once the guy showed you the map to your house,'re like i'll put on something i guess i just like being naked in bed because uh i always get really hot i run really hot and at night as a kid i would sweat sometimes and i fucking hated it and then i got older and i was like when i get to sleep naked in my own house i'm gonna sleep butt fucking naked i was in a hotel in new york city i'm naked and i used to always do a thing where i'd only be under the sheet. I'm always on my stomach, and it's all – I'm covered. So you can't see me in the bed, basically.

The cocoon. And I also don't use the pillow. So I'm in the flattest part of the bed. I'm flat on my – usually I'm on my stomach. And again, I was naked. And all of a sudden, I wake up to hearing two guys' voices like, that's a computer. Computer's right there. Grab that.

Grab the one. Yeah, the two guys had gotten into my hotel room and I'm spread out and I'm naked and then they get fucking really, really quiet. And it's the quiet that I know. One of them went. And I'm like,

I'm going to jump up in three seconds. I'm going to fight naked for my fucking life. I'm dude, I'm Andrew. I'm fucking terrified. I'm literally, because I knew the minute

went quiet, they realized. So, Andrew, I'm fucking terrified. I'm literally, because I knew the minute it went quiet, they realized. So, one, two, three, and I fucking launch up in the air and just as I'm fucking getting out of the sheet,

they're running out the door. And what we found out was there was a couple of guys, they had like maintenance outfits on and they must have gotten a master key or something like that

and they had broken in like four rooms that day and then they were in my room so of course the nothing got stolen though but nothing uh no no they didn't take anything out of the room when they ran you know they might actually there might have been one thing that i never found but they they ran out of the room and then after that day i don't think i ever wanted to sleep naked again because i was so fucking terrified that i was gonna have to fight two dudes completely naked. But being in the paper, if it did work out, Dane Cook wrestles and saves

hotel people from being robbed. And butt naked, you just naked on the news just like, listen dude, I had to do what I had to do. Like a post game for a basketball player. I don't think I was in a peak physical condition moment though, because that's when men's health is like, we want to put you on the cover.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm a little dad bodded out right now. Can we do next, next season potentially? Well, they should make a men's getting health. They should make a men's like on our way up. You know what I mean? Like, let's go back. Let's also glorify a regular body where yeah, I work out, but I can't work out for a six pack anymore. I want to stay healthy, but I also, I have have no when people are like when you see on the internet summer bod that that like that phrase it's so meaningless because we live in summertime all year round right so i can't even trick myself into being like hey eat for a summer bod or something for me it doesn't matter how old are you now 40 oh fuck okay good you got

like four more years and then it falls off well it's not even that it falls off it's just your body goes through some kind of metamorphosis everybody said to me oh yeah 43 44 i was like dude i'm no way i'm like i'm from a athletic family broad shoulders everyone's v'd out i'm like no no even naturally dude i hit 44 and literally my body was like, I want to try something with you. Watch this. Yeah. I'm going through it right now. I have a bad back. I'm literally, I'm on pills. Cause I'm in, I, I herniated a disc again. I already had fractures on my back. So I'm halfway. I'm already there, dude. I'm going through it, but I'm fighting it because I'm like, I know I can repair this without having surgery, but it is, I'm in the, I'm in getting in the older white guy category of back and knee injuries.

Right. It's like my dad too. It's like I say, every older white guy I know, it's back and knees. Yeah. It's, it's where at some point you're going to just for no reason at all, just lean on something to go, Jesus fucking Christ. And that's when you know you've really arrived. Well, you, well, you make it, make it.

Someone's like, sit down, sit down, sit down. You all right? Obviously, you're having this incredible push with Bobby and yourself. It's like, do you map out? Do you have five-year planning in your mind? Are you willy-nilly?

How much do you go, that's my objective and I need to do everything possible over the course of the next few years? Where do you cut? Like, I know, sorry to ask an answer, but I love being behind the camera. I've had a chance to direct some stuff before the strike and stuff. My production company, we were starting to go on a series that I was going to be behind the camera. Like, I look forward to that part of my career also being like offstage.

And now I'm kind of in the production side. Where do you want to take stand-up and where are you kind of going yes i love i want to do stand-up until i'm dead and then as far as like acting goes and the other side i have no hope to be on the other side of the camera that scares me i leave it to the profile i'm not i would never i'm i would like to create a show with and for someone else and be very behind the scenes right like i'm big i'm a producer producer but not like not in i'm going to be far far away from it okay i just want to like help make it happen for people that i think have something good but but it's interesting because somebody who enjoys acting like you do i found when i started

directing like um actors like they enjoyed talking to me because it was, like, I knew really simple to go. It's just play with whatever you want to do there. Like, little adjustments as opposed to somebody who comes in and, like, tries to fucking manhandle everything that you're doing and you don't feel, like, the creative freedom. Yeah. Don't you think that, like, you speak actor? Oh, definitely. I mean, the advantage is there. I just always, I hate actors is really what it is.

Okay. No, you know what it really is? I just don't have the patience. I'm not good at that. And you have to be very patient to work with people. Like the best directors I've worked with, they have unbelievable patience in a way where you're like, man, they're good at spinning multiple personality plates

of understanding how to talk to Dane and how to talk to her and how to talk to him. And they do speak to everyone differently because everyone deserves something different, which is a skilled set that I don't think people understand about directing. So the micromanagement of that, if you have the ability to do so,

fucking kudos. I'm so bad at that that it gives me anxiety. Like for me, I'm good with you in the ability to do so fucking kudos. I, I'm so bad at that, that, uh, it gives me anxiety. Like for me, I'm good with you in the scene, in the moment with the play, with the kids, but outside of that, yeah, that's tough. So, I mean, that, that, that, I mean, that's, that's to me, the second half of my what's next for me, I want, um, I really want to tour the fucking world. I've never toured the world. And like, for me, I want to play London so bad. I want to play Australia. I want to play, I want to play all over the fucking world. And we've just are now getting the taste of, we're probably going to do it. Yeah. So that's been the goal is like in the next couple of years, I really want to, I want to tour the fucking world.

I've never, I've traveled it. I've never played it. I mean, you've played, I mean, how many countries do you think you've played? Do you know? Bunch? I mean, except for, yeah, I mean a lot. I mean, how many countries do you think you've played? Do you know? A bunch. I mean, except for, yeah, I mean, a lot. Yeah, a ton. A ton.

Yeah, and it's to go someplace else, especially just knowing, like, where I started, how I had to start to get to where I'm, you know, at now, the privilege of playing whatever country, you go home feeling different. You really do. It's like, I can't tell you what it is, but, like, you really go home being like, wow, man, I can't can't believe like I got to travel this far distance and people appreciated what I put forth.

That's I think it's so fucking rad. So what what country do you remember? Was there ever a country you played where English was? It was still the you know, they spoke English, but it was so broken that it was a tough show. They had me do a show when I was in Nice, France. Yeah. Many years ago. That was tricky because it wasn't – yeah, it wasn't like – it wasn't even at a place where it was mostly English speaking.

I speak fucking – I say like double-V. I know one letter literally in French. And so – That's W, yes. That's W. That's W. But that was really difficult. And yet it was kind of funny the way like what has Johnny Carson once said?

You use everything. And at that point when I'm like, okay, nothing with vernacular is really going to fly. So I got to keep it like real simple and just go for stuff that like I know that's kind of like their version of like local humor. I'm like, what's that fucking cheese I keep eating over here? And you start like digging into it. So I made it work. I keep eating over here. And you start like digging into it.

So I made it work. But thank God it was a 20-minute show because if they said this is going to be a 55-minute or an hour, I would have been fucked. I would have been out of there. I would have given myself the hook. So that was one of the trickiest. Nice France. But other places that I had the chance to go to and places that – so I self-distributed above it all. And we did English-speaking territories, obviously, around the world. But now, like, they wanted it in Portuguese.

There's countries that have reached out. I have a big Korean following. As you would. Who, you know, you don't know. But I'll tell you, even, like, right now, like, we're putting it out in Mandarin. Because, do you know, in China, they are in, like, 2001 of their comedy boom. Where stand-up comedy is right know in China they are in like 2001 of their comedy boom. Where stand-up comedy is right now in China. Just the turn of the century.

It's becoming. It's almost the fucking hottest thing. So to be able to have content that is finding one of the biggest fan bases in the world. Wait till they hear about Dave Chappelle. Right? They're going to fucking lose their mind. It's like just to be able to have content in other parts of the world and and then to be able to tour and see those places dude it's gonna be fucking incredible as fuck yeah who dubs it

when when it's portuguese and stuff like that for your other you know they don't like the dub they don't they actually i've tried i did a dub thing and they were like they prefer uh close caption because they're learning english as well a lot of them are like, I've had people say like, I learned English entirely from your special, whatever it might be. So it's kind of wild. They'd rather it close caption. That's, you know what's so funny? Somebody said that, uh, somebody had told me that their sister or something when they

grew up in Eastern Europe learned English from watching American syndicated television shows. Yeah. And that was like the best way that they learned how to, how to understand like cultural phrasings. And cause the mannerisms, it's the same way when you, when we learn another language and you think,

you know it, but then they, the local is like, no one really says it like that. Right. What you're saying is how high is the rooftop, but you want to say, let's go upstairs.

Right. You know what I mean? And it's just the slang that they learned from the TV, which makes me feel so dumb when we go to other countries and they're like, I speak four languages. I'm like, I don't even, I remotely know English. We're never going to have to worry about that anymore because now there's a button you can put on

and you go like, I need to find a restaurant and you hit the button and it says it in whatever country you're in. Oh, that's fucking rad. So it's all like, dude, we're done. We're toast, dude. We're fucking toast, man. This is AI, by the way. I don't know if people know this. This whole time, I's fucking rad. So it's all like, dude, we're done. We're toast, dude. We're fucking toast, man. This is AI, by the way.

I don't know if people know this. This whole time, I'm not me and Dane's not Dane. We haven't been here. He's out of town. I'm gone. How great. And then right now, we just zap into fucking zeros and ones. I got into a tech conversation today.

Sorry if this is outside. No, go for it, baby. I got into a tech conversation today. We're talking about there's this woman. She ran like three people over. And then in the police station, she's like laughing, dancing. I saw this girl. Yeah, I saw this video.

And the guy's like, you just killed fucking Tupac. And she's like doing her dances and whatever. And I was talking to my buddy. And he was like, dude, back in the day, she would be fucking whatever. It was like she'd have to wear a board around her neck. It was like early fucking colonization. You'd have to like they'd paint your fucking arms green or whatever and i was like dude it's happening again right now because when that apple reality pro comes out which already has facial recognition and there's already you could look up any face

on your phone if she walks down the street and you're gonna have some device on the scarlet letter will be digital so whatever your past is it'll be like grand theft auto when you when somebody's stats come up in 10 years that woman doesn't even realize when someone looks at her they're going to know exactly murderers yeah yeah laughed at fucking killing two people by the way that well she will be out don't invite to party. Does not tip. What? You're a murderer, but you don't tip? At the bottom, it's like, terrible dancer. Just things that are like, that's really not appropriate,

but that's good to know as well. We don't need to know that. Well, I saw that video. That video is so daunting that she's kind of so unaware of what she's done. But I also think there's a huge disconnect, not to get too internet deep. We talked about parasocial relationships on one of our shows about people know you even though they don't know you and now people know the world in a way where it isn't real so when something bad happens they almost think it didn't happen where they're like i didn't do that you're like yes you did right and she was like but i gotta go to school she kept saying yeah

cuz I think her mind was a poor yeah right is it real or am I just putting this together with the worst she that was she that fucked up I don't think so I think it was something I think was traumatic trauma and so your brain is tricking itself into like this this kind of can't be this is I mean we'll get over this tomorrow I'll wake up and it'll be all okay. Right. But I do think there is something tricky that the internet is doing to not just the young generation,

but us include everybody that there's times where when I wake up in the morning, I have to cognizantly be like, don't touch your phone. Because my hand like goes to the table as I go to take a piss. It's creepy. It's like, why am I grabbing that fucking thing? Right. It's that. And it's also, and I had to take a piss. It's creepy. It's like, why am I grabbing that fucking thing? Right.

It's that. And it's also, and I had to go through this a long time ago, the understanding of there's a version of me in that device. Oh yeah. And that is a narrative that both good and bad has nothing to do with me. Right. Very little, like a modicum of like, well, I did do that. And I do know these these people but more than people

even realize it's like you've been splashed on the internet you've had your shit i've had my shit and then you're like okay this is now like five versions away from something that wasn't even completely true to begin with so that that for me i laughed about it i've tried to turn it into a bit in some form but it's not but like i'm like there's me and then there's two versions of me online there's one that's done a lot of amazing shit it's kind of like you know heralded and that's not all me but there's some great stuff that you're like oh that's the love version sure but then there's this nefarious version that like it and i'll look every couple years you'll be like all right somebody sent me like what the fuck is this and i'm like wow this is fucking nasty

man but it's fucking good it's so it's edited well it's so good that you're like high production that you're kind of like I wrote a guy once and I'm like yo you got most of this wrong but this is really good I go dude you edited

this so fucking well that I think I might share it. And I don't, and it's wrong. It's so, you have me so wrong, but you edited this so fucking good. And he's like, oh dude, thanks man. I spent a lot of time on it. And I was like, yeah, the clickbait title. Can we maybe change it? Maybe just the title is, but you can keep it. I'm not, I do. I'm not telling you. He thought I was going to call him and be like, I was like, no, dude, this is fucking really good. But both of those things are kind of existing.

And then you meet people and depending on what they've read, they're either pleasantly surprised or they're prepared for battle. And you're kind of like, yeah, no, I'm just kind of actually a little bit more milquetoast than either narrative. more milquetoast than either narrative but the internet version of lives is it's it's fascinating but it's so not anything close to what you represent can't be who you are yeah your philosophy your ideals you're like outside of like content you create just the way other people observe it everybody's projecting right everybody's projecting at all times the internet provides you the chance to go like i don't like that part of him because I don't like that part of me.

And then suddenly it's like fodder. And yet it is. Yet it's the reality. That is you. That version of you is out there. It's out there. It's being discussed. He is being talked about, criticized.

There's new comments five years after a video that meant nothing. And somebody goes, here's my take. And it's fucking fascinating. It is funny when it's like seven years later and someone's like, cool teeth, dork. And you're like, wow, this guy reached, man. That's fucking great, dude. Well, I'll say this. The internet, as toxic as it can be, has the ability to also be wonderful,

which is, I think, what I've gathered with this little fan base of people that want to peel into a different mindset of the guests. Because I think they want to see the real version of fucking people. And you're going to get as close as you can in this version versus something that's so pointed and almost like documentarian style where people nowadays are like, what's the narrative? You're like, well, does there always have to be a fucking narrative? But can I ask you this? As a person that's now had your success with stand-up and going out there and doing that, friends, I've seen a lot of shifts in comedy. I've seen different people on the cover of Rolling Stone.

It's a political era. It's a sketchy era. It's a fucking alt era. It's the mainstream era. Doesn't it seem like we're getting into a place where people coming out to a show, although they love a great story or joke, they want it to be more participatory. Oh, yeah. Because they're now conditioned to be like,

no, I want to be a part of it. Yeah. I think it is a duality. I think what's happening now a little bit is because of the podcast world and the live world and the internet world, they do want to be more involved. But now it's also bringing people into the comedy world

where let's say they weren't stand-up fans. They like the podcast world. They come to a show and where let's say they didn't work stand-up fans they like the podcast world they come to a show and they're like fuck i love stand-up then they like learn the rules you know i mean it's almost like when i take a friend golfing i love golf and i'll take a buddy who's like you know golf twice and you know they'll go dude i didn't know that that's what you have to it's like it's no big deal you're learning but once they fall in love and they know like oh there's just a little parameters we have to abide by and then they become this whole new yeah like you breeding new fans yeah there's always something sexy about bringing them into the world being like do you like this there's way more of me you'll see him and her and them and

and then it becomes like holy shit you open them to this new that's the best part of this to connect with them and to go totally come on the fuck in. I, the cross pollination is like something that again, I, I kind of touted it and enjoyed it. The only thing that happened that I found was like, I came out of the ear. I was on tech so much for so many years that by the time it was really in vogue,

I was like tapped out. I was like, I was like, I fucking wrote everybody on myspace and facebook for like nine years like everybody i'm insane i'm not gonna hire someone else to do and then it was like five years later and everybody was like my podcast is killing it and i'm like oh fuck that is really taking off it shit right when i dipped out everybody's fucking podcast it was there too early no i was it's yeah i'm feeling. Yeah, I feel like the Celtics in the 80s or like any pro player that's like, fuck, those deals were not there for me when I was love of the game.

And maybe an endorsement once in a while. 40 million? What the fuck? Can you imagine? Those contracts were back in the day. Dude, I mean, honestly, in the 80s, what did those guys really get paid? Truly. Oh, nothing.

It was like bonuses for winning I mean, I think... Like bonuses for winning, right? And shit like that. Yeah. But at most, most of those guys who weren't stars or they weren't really like franchising star players. So you're making, you know, tens of thousands of dollars in a sport that, quite frankly, was dying tremendously.

The NBA was in dire straits. Right. that quite frankly was dying tremendously. The NBA was in dire straits. So like you think now those guys, it would be fucking so hard to see these kids now like a, a shit, a shitty, you know,

a shitty D league player is still making more than who made at a height. But even in, in entertainment, like I got a couple of friends of mine, you know, they're like 20 years old. They've never been a part of Hollywood.

They don't understand agents. They don't give a fuck. They don't know a development deal. They're making tens of thousands of mine, you know, they're like 20 years old. They've never been a part of Hollywood. They don't understand agents. They don't give a fuck. They don't know a development deal. They're making tens of thousands of dollars more a month or whatever, whatever they're creating. They don't know SAG. They don't know fucking writer's guild. They don't need it.

They don't know. And when I tell them about some of the things that we've had to do over the years, quite literally, they're like, you're stupid. Like, why would you do it?

But you made a comedy album and then you let comedy central fucking have it yeah and what did they do and i'm like they just sent me a check once in a while it was like oh that was very stupid didn't you have the ability to box it yourself i was like yeah but i stopped doing that so they could put it in the box and like did they take all your money from you like they did yeah they actually fucking did right it's like you just see this whole new generation that are doing it. But going with what you said, as much as there's a lot of crap on the internet bathroom wall, for stuff like this and for people that really find great community-type of based content,

whatever that might be, it is the best. Because now I get to fucking turn on something and i'm like halfway around the world learning about something in real time with people that are truly engaging and funny and sometimes a little fucking dark or whatever right you're giving a little bit of everything so that's why i i'm psyched that you asked me to be on here because as i've watched more and i'm up there i'm seeing everybody in the timeline i'm on the fucking tiktok and. I'm like, this is the most gratifying content to watch because it's funny. But every once in a while, you're like,

I needed to hear that. You know? And so, uh, for all those reasons, um, you've done a great job today. Thank you.

Thanks for coming on my show. Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. Well, we sign off the show the same way, the same way you look into that camera and you say one word or one phrase whenever you're ready. This will be embedded

in podcast history. Okay. So when you're ready and I think we got a Smithsonian. Aren't we going to put this in the Smithsonian? Isn't that what we said?

So at the end of every episode one word or one phrase it's your turn in that camera. Is this the end? Am I doing this? Yes. This is the moment.

This is your shining moment. Okay. And I look and I just say one word? One word or one phrase. It used to be a word and then more people were like, can I say a phrase or a limerick? A limerick? Some people go with a limerick?

Buddy, we've had spoken word. We've had... Haiku? We've had haiku. We've had someone speak in tongues. So when you're free, you do it. And you're allowed to take a beat and think about it. I need to take a beat? Yeah, take a beat. No, you do it. And you're allowed to take a beat and think about it. I need to take a beat? Yeah, take a beat.

Take a beat. You're on your phone. I'm going to be on my phone, too. No, no, no. Okay. I'm writing down Dane took a beat. That's okay. Let it rest for a second.

Because that brain is spinning, baby. Okay. I'll get you off. You know what? I got to probably do that thing where it's like you got to go with the first thing. You should. That popped in your head. That was the whole point.

And for whatever reason, something my dad used to say used to drive me crazy, and now I find myself saying it in the morning. And I'd like to say to your fans and friends that are watching, today is the first day of the rest of your life. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.