Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Doug Benson

Episode Date: March 6, 2020

Santino sits down with Doug Benson to chat about Jacuzzis in hotels, getting stoned and playing in poker tournaments and we break down how the government used fear mongering to make us think cannabis is a cursed plant that will make you eat babies. TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com/ MAR 6-7 PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA MAR 13 CHICAGO, ILLINOIS MAR 19-21 - MOHEGAN SUN, CONNECTICUT MAR 27 CINCINNATI, OHIO MAR 28 CLEVELAND, OHIO APR 9 SACRAMENTO, CA APR 10 PORTLAND, OREGON APR 11 SEATTLE, WASHINGTON APR 16-18 MIAMI, FLORIDA APR 19 WEST PALM, FLORIDA APR 24-25 - SPOKANE, WASHINGTON MAY 9 PHOENIX, ARIZONA MAY 15 & 16 - ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO JUN 5-7 SAN DIEGO, CA JUN 12 & 13 - SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH JOIN OUR PATREON!!! : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast BUY SOME MERCH: https://shop-andrew-santino.myshopify.com FOLLOW CHEETO: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ FOLLOW CHEETO TWITTER: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino FOLLOW DOUG ON INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/youdontknowdoug/?hl=en FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER ON TWITTER: https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS OR WE’LL COME FIND YOU AND KILL YOU...FOR REAL Clean up your balls fellas! Use the right tools for your tool with Manscaped complete line of ball care products Go to https://www.manscaped.com/pages/v2 and use promo "WHISKEY" for 20% OFF! Get relief and support for your entire body using OMAX CBD Cryofreeze. Go to https://omaxhealth.com and use promo "WHISKEY" for 20% Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, welcome. Please subscribe. Please like. Please do all the things that can help us spread the word for the show. I appreciate it. I'm on tour right now at this very current moment. I'm in Philly this weekend. Next weekend, I'm going to be in Chicago, Chicago with my people. And then I go to Connecticut to Mohegan Sun. And then I'm in Cincinnati and in Cleveland. Then I do Houston Skank Fest for one night a couple of shows I'm going to be bouncing around

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ripped off. Enough from me. Enjoy the episode. you're that creature in the ginger beard sturdy ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth i say that for all my guests but i mean it once again today it is mr doug benton doug hey cheers to doug oh yeah you have to look me in the eyes i love this bam there we go what's your policy on sunglasses you have to look me in the eyes when you show you can put no wear the sunglasses i'll take them off to do this yeah just for the cheers yeah there we go ready and then you just go straight to mouth you

don't do that tapping it on the table thing. That's bullshit. That's like a new age thing. The Irish tap and drink. You look and drink. You're supposed to look each other in the eyes for good luck to make sure you're not evil and you're not poisoning me, and then you drink. This whole table tap thing, I don't know where that started

or who begun that. It feels like you're doing a shot when you do that. That is kind of a shot thing, but also I don't know where that started or who who begun that feels like you're doing a shot when you do that that is kind of a shot thing but also i don't know a lot of it's just a loud stupid person thing stupid person thing it's just like i'm gonna get drunk so every you know yeah everyone people have to notice me getting drunk how can i get their attention i'll smash this tiny glass against the bar risk cutting my hand open what great attention i would get going to the getting into an ambulance drunk yeah drunk yeah and bleeding profusely because of the booze coursing through your

veins you know how funny that is to think that it's just a tiny glass you're so right it's just a little baby they could put a shot in a regular glass but to make you feel like you're doing more they put it in a little baby glass a little person glass booze is the only reason anybody's doing anything stupid in public anymore 99% of the time because everyone that's sober is isn't going to act stupidly because they know they're going to be filmed yeah yeah from every angle yeah you're filmed all the time you can't get away with nonsense anymore yeah it's true unless you're you know when you're drunk you forget yeah that the nonsense police are constantly nonsense they're afoot the nonsense police are out

today by the way and they're running around rampant do you feel like you're always being filmed do you feel like it's a thing that's happening all too much now well i've done that too many times now i've been like i've made like three documentaries where i was followed around for a period of time with cameras. I've seen. Yeah. And I did Last Comic Standing. So I've been through that ringer of being on camera all the time. So that, at least I'm sort of used to that. But it still really bums me out.

Like if I'm just talking to fans after a show and somebody takes out a camera and just starts filming it. Or same with when you're doing your act and you're in a club where they don't police very much and someone's just sitting there filming it. At least go through the motions. Hide it. Yeah, just pretend that you're not doing it. Because as soon as I know that you're doing it and it's like,

especially out in public, it's really not, there's nothing I can say to a person to get them to stop right other than just hoping they will when you say stop but now they've got a video of you asking them to stop right and that person always looks like a dick yeah i like inherently take every famous person you've seen till admonishing somebody yeah they always look like that's why that show uh tm the prank show uh what was that you know dax shepard's prank punked i call it his show now yeah yeah it was his he's who i think of more uh but anyway yeah punked like just counted on the fact that even perfectly

nice celebrities are gonna fucking let people have it. Well, because nobody wants to be recorded. That's a weird, unless I agree to be recorded in terms of like, if I'm shooting a television show, outside of that in the real world, it's uncomfortable. Also, it's weird when somebody, I was out to dinner. I was out to dinner the other night. And as I'm leaving the restaurant a man and i mean yells like across

the room just goes andrew what would you what does he think i'm going to do stop turn to the whole restaurant and then for some reason i know on the way out he's going fucking asshole like because i didn't turn and say anything i saw it on my peripheral and just kept walking because what did you think I was going to do when you yelled my name? But like, I'm the bad guy for some reason. It like, there are a lot of times fans or people will put you in a situation where

you're like, Oh dude, you didn't have to, you didn't have to do that. That if you just came up to me and we're like, Hey, I would have been cool. It just,

that puts me in a weird, I look like an asshole, no matter if I do or I don't acknowledge you. People don't know what to do. They just aren't, you know, people are getting more and more socially awkward because they get to do whatever they want on the internet, but then face to face, they're even more strangely shyer than I think they used to be.

Totally. Like people never talk shit to my face. And I get it. I could turn on my phone and get it immediately from people on the internet. From a thousand people. Yeah. I mean, so it's just a whole weird game. Well, we're more disconnected than we ever were to actually like learning about people

because you don't need to anymore. I can just absorb your bio on the internet or whatever I can find about you. And then that becomes their perception of you, regardless of how much of that information is true or hyperbolized. It just, that's exactly who you become. It's kind of like how the previous generation, I remember my uncle one time said to me, everybody loves Raymond. That guy, you know that guy? And I go, yeah, Ray Romano? He goes, yeah.

I bet you he's a really good dude. And I go, how would you know? How would you? You just don't. You don't know. Like, he might be, but it's weird that like television and film puts people in a place mentally where they go, bet you that guy's a good dude. be a piece of shit i don't know right but then sometimes you play a negative character on tv they go that guy's an asshole and you're like no that's that's just

this thing he does he plays this thing no you get treated like the character you play always always so it's it's tricky it's fun. It's fun. Well, like for you, like, look for you, you being an avid, there should be a better word for avid pot smoker, marijuana indulger. Yeah.

Do people only exclusively come up to you and always want to smoke pot with you? Is it so constant that they're like, after every show, like I have to smoke pot with you. I'm trying to smoke. Do you get old? Do you get over it it so constant that they're like after every show like i have to smoke pot with you i'm trying to smoke do you get old do you get over it at some point you're like i don't really want to smoke pot with it's happening less and less to me as time goes on but for a while it was pretty constant like and in some cities just walking down the street i get people you know coming up and saying we you know we have to you know, most of the time, it's in places where I feel pretty comfortable, you know. Even before this wave of legalization, like, anytime I was in, like, Eugene, Oregon, I

was, like, you could just smoke crack on the streets there and, you know, nobody cares. Right. cares right um but uh yeah it's uh it's getting a little bit less now because like i'm getting my i'm getting more of a niche kind of fan base just from you know from mostly podcasting yeah and uh so like a lot of the doug loves movies listeners just are just into that and movies that the weed part the weed aspect of it isn't that important to them you know yeah it's interesting like so i just got a tweet today from somebody saying hey you know i hope you don't mind me coming to your show and not being high i don't do i don't do that i'm like hey hey if it's still gonna be fun for you right sit amongst so much people that are probably high, then yes, come to my show.

I love that asking for permission and not be high at your show. Doug, do you mind that I don't smoke pot? Is that going to be all right? And also, there's a chance I'd write back, yeah, just don't come. Don't come. Don't come to my show. Get the fuck out. Raise your hand if you're not high.

We don't want your money. You? Get the fuck out. We don't want your attention span because I count on the audience not being able to focus for terribly long. That's part of the show. That's part of how the act is written. I can't tell long stories because the people in the audience are probably as high as I am. Yeah, because you want to get through.

Well, you also don't want to keep people's attention span, even if they weren't high. That's what's hard about doing podcasts live i commend you for that because it's it's it's the the rhythm of a podcast is tough to do live uh if you don't have a lot going on because they're used to sitting in a room seeing a stand-up show where it's like joke joke joke joke podcasts can be devoid of that especially especially live like you stand-ups like a sermon like it's a performance aspect to it that you can't you can't really necessarily do in in a podcast where it's totally people sitting around talking but i also feel like the audience as funny as podcasts are that don't have an audience which you know most of them don't and they're also it can be hilarious

yeah i just feel like it just brings the comedy out of everything to have the the audience there yeah it's super fun no it there it's it's wildly fun it's just remarkably different from what you're doing when you're sitting in the room like this it's just so it's it should be called something else because it's not really a podcast it's more it's more just like a live reading that we're just getting to record like a live show that we just get the privilege of just taking you you know, like I'm doing another one. I'm going to go up to, uh, you know, in, uh, uh, JFL, I recorded those and it's so fun because it's so interactive and I, and I, and I'd never experienced that before doing

like a live podcast because the fans that come out for festival, it's just a different vibe. like a live podcast because the fans that come out for festival, it's just a different vibe. They're so fucking amped to be a part of it because the festival energy is, I mean, you know, we've done a million festivals together. It's just like the energy is different at those shows.

I fucking love them, man. Yeah. People that are like, I really like comedy. I really want to go watch a lot of it. Yeah. And I want to see,

you know, people that I've been you know listening to like they're they're they listen to us so much that then you know getting to see it in person like also from douglas movies i'll have like people that are on the show all the time and then i'll get to watch them meet fans who did not picture them. I thought you were taller. I thought you'd be this. I thought you'd be that.

What do you get the most? What do they say to you? Again, I didn't know you'd be this tall. I come off smaller on camera somehow. People say, they go, I didn't know you were tall. I'm like, well, I'm not. I'm 6'1". How tall are you? I'm 5'11".

Yeah, people always say to me, they go, I didn't know you were tall. I was like, well, what did you think? I guess I don't know what you – yeah, you see me in a little box. Yeah, I think – I don't know how it happened, but a few of my bestest friends in comedy – Whom are they? Are giants, like really tall. Like Posey? So like Brian Posey.

He's huge. Like I'm sort of associated with him a great deal especially early on in our careers and uh when we stand next to each other you just tower over me how tall is he so then people probably thought you know he was like you know six one and i was five seven right right but instead of that he's just a he's a giant he's like six four i think yeah he's a big he's a big boy every time i see him i always forget uh every time i see him i think my first thought is he's very funny i like him and then i think god he could fucking just kill something he's such like a big big dude oh yeah he he brian was on a course to be a comedian or

a serial killer like those were his options he might still if listen dude he might be on the side a good serial killer hides it beneath another career. So he could just be a comic serial killer that we don't know about. Has he done this show? No, but I want him to do this show. Well, he's promoting the hell out of something right now. I mean, he always is. He's always got something.

He's always got something going on. But he's finally made a whole album of metal music with Scott Ian and a bunch of his other heroes. He's such a hot dude. Are you a metal dude or no? really i mean what's your genre i mostly appreciate metal through brian like i i enjoy how much he enjoys it like when we used to spend a lot of time together we'd like half the time we'd listen to just kind of basic pop music which is sort of my deal and and the other half the time we listen to really fucking hardcore heavy metal

yeah yeah he's in the heaviest possible what's in what's in your what's in your playlist right now what do you what do you listen to right now uh i'm you know i'm like a weird mix of like i really do like pop music i like taylor swift a lot yeah and i like uh i like broadway music and whoa yeah that's a that's such a fucking massive leap. Broadway and Taylor Swift's Two Sides of a Grand Canyon. That's such a big difference. Well, it's all very poppy these days, though. Sure.

I mean, it's all just catchy music that is often set to a dramatic situation of some sort. You love boy trouble stories. But I love seeing shows on Broadway, whether it's just regular plays or musicals, and I try to see as much of that stuff as I can. That's like my biggest when I'm on some show where they ask you that question, what do people not know about you?

What would people be surprised to know about you? I like to get fucking ripped and go and watch beetlejuice the musical on broadway i've seen it three times really yeah let's also become friends with the guy who plays beetlejuice i'm becoming like the more i hang around broadway and see broadway shows and do my podcast in new york i'm becoming friends with more and more people that are actually in broadway shows which is super exciting to me. It is cool.

It is fucking cool. Yeah. Do you play poker at all? No. Should I play poker? No, no. You're fine. But it's probably not a good thing to get into at this point.

I'm not good at it. But I was super into Texas Hold'em for a while. And I'd play in tournaments around LA and stuff. No, but anybody can get lucky and do OK. know i've i've won a couple of tournaments but yeah one time in atlantic city when i was i was you know performing there at night or not yeah atlantic city i was performing there at night but during the daytime i entered a tournament in their poker room it's like a couple hundred players and and it got narrowed down to me. I was the winner. And so like I made way more money doing that. Than the comedy?

Than the show that night. Than the opening for Ben Bailey. How much can you make in a poker tournament like that? Like a street entry, no professionals. Everyone's an amateur. It depends because they have, you know, kind of the entry fees vary pretty wildly. What was that?

Some will be really cheap and some will be, I probably paid like 120 bucks to play and then probably won like seven or eight grand what yeah how long does that take you that's like a five and it takes four or five six hours yeah one time i was doing really well at a tournament and i just had to tell my friend was also on the bill i just had to say could you just please go explain to the headliner of the show tonight that the feature act might not make it because I didn't want to walk away from a tournament. I was like in the final table of a tournament, and I knew there was a chance that it would run long enough

that I wouldn't be able to make it to my set. Sure. And so my friend got it all squared away. You missed the spot? No, I ended up getting knocked out early enough to make my spot. But it was close. But at least I had the comfort of knowing that I could play the rest of this tournament. Like I didn't have that extra pressure of like, not only do I have to win, I have to win fast.

I have to knock this out. Yeah, because then you that's probably what happened is I probably just made some dumb moves just to try to get it over with. Do you still win anything anyway when you get knocked out? If you place or no? If you're at the final table, you've probably won some money. And how many people sit at the final table? Again, it depends on the structure

of the tournament. How many players? But it could be anywhere from like nine to 12. Mine too. People are probably watching this that are more into poker than I am now. Because I've had years now of not being that into it. I was more into it when I couldn't afford it. Right. And was actually playing to like, OK, let's see if we can make rent.

I go down to commerce all the time. But the reason I brought this up in the first place, and I'm shocked that I can even remember at this point, is because I watched a lot of poker on TV because ESPN got really super into showing it. And then there was this other travel channel that has World Poker Tour and all these poker shows I get really into,

late-night poker shows on NBC. So I got good enough to, or I should say successful enough, to afford to enter tournaments where you just get to play with professional players. That's awesome. So I've played with, which like there's no other sport or even chess or anything. There's nothing other than poker where you could just sit down, complete amateur and get to play across the table from the best in the world.

Yeah. Well, the only thing I can think of. And be competitive. You could still maybe win the hand. Bowling. Bowling too is the other one where anyone can bowl a strike. Golf you can do. There's a pro- can do there's a pro-am there's a pro-am oh yeah well you can get in and play with them yeah but you're not going to beat them no fucking way but i could beat i've beaten professional poker players in

a hand of poker who did you beat i can't remember which ones that's even better you're a pro i only can remember the ones where i got devastatingly beatly beat up by them There's this one guy named Jesus Ferguson Because he looks like Jesus And he wears a cowboy hat And has the Jesus hair And sitting across from him I was just fucking I just couldn't, didn't know what to do

I couldn't, like he just really Was he intimidating? Yeah, it's just chilling Like how you're like, oh if I go up against this guy I'm going to lose But you can't just choose to not go up against somebody at the table. Right. You know, so. I'm impressed by that, by the way.

Things happen. The vibe that people throw off. Because I've never experienced that, but I hear that from friends that they say at a poker table, people have tricks that they use to intimidate or to throw off other players. And I'm so ignorant to it that times i have played it's meant nothing to me what other people are doing because i'm so fucking

dumb about what i'm supposed to do right that i wouldn't even i don't even have time to think about what they're trying to sucker me into doing so so inevitably sometimes i'll win on accident because yeah that's what happens i have no idea that there's they're trying to fuck with me that I'm like I don't know I'm just trying to do the the best I can at this thing good players get mad as hell at new players or drunk players drunk players in casinos yeah who uh just win hands because they just they stick around longer than they should have right and they just get you know as they say they get the card they're looking for on the river you know the last card will give them what they were looking for. So people are always like, I just got rivered.

It's such an angry lot of people. There's some that are very chill, some poker players that are chill, which is what I like to be. I like to just go and be high and just play. It's a perfect game to be high at. Because it's just exciting to wait for the card. When they flip all those first three cards, it's always exciting to wait for the car you know when they flip all those first three cards it's it's always exciting every time yeah so i love it but i did find that once i started

making more money in show business uh and could pay my bills then i was less interested in gambling oh really oh because the risk is is the risk is part of the excitement. And also a reward for when you do get lucky and win a lot of money off starting out small. I'll crack up now because I'll sit down and put $20 into a penny slot machine.

I was in Vegas a couple weeks ago and I managed to work that up in an hour or two. I worked that up to $700. That's great. But it's like I think And I managed to work that up in an hour or two. I worked that up to like 700 bucks. That's great. Yeah. But it's like, that's like, I think about how I used to be like, I would be like so crazy excited if that happened and probably turn around and lose it all right away. Right.

Now I'm just like, oh, that was fun. Cool. And I won that money and now I'll keep it. Right. I'll go spend it on a nice meal. I'll go eat dinner now. Yeah, exactly. I've got a fucking no-boo.

That's true to me. Honestly, I've said that very recently to somebody. I used to play, blackjack was the only thing I liked. Blackjack and craps. When I would go to casinos and I used to love blackjack. I would get out of a show.

I would have a couple of drinks and I would smoke a joint and then either go play with someone if they, if they were down or I'd just go by myself and sit quietly and kind of just hang out. You don't need anybody. No,

it's fun to have a buddy. It works either way. And I would just sit high playing blackjack for, you know, an hour or two at the most. But honestly, I used to get so much more excited about the wins, but it's unfortunate that like when you are making a little bit more money, and I'm not saying I'm richy rich, but like the small hands that I would win or the small amounts that I would win, I don't bet an insane amount.

I'm not a guy who's like 10 grand hands. So when you do win, it is weird that I'm kind of like, eh. So lately, when I do go to casinos, I don't play anymore. And it's funny because I used to love sitting at a blackjack table with friends or craps with friends, but now I would have to bet a lot of money for it to be scary. And I don't, and I definitely don't want to do that. It's, I just don't want to do it. I know guys that'll do it like that. I know guys that'll sit down and throw insane money. I was living in Vegas, uh, shooting this fucking show for Yahoo. We lived in Caesar's palace for two months straight. So we got used to it. So you never played cause you just were there every day.

But, um, a few people that we were with, they were degenerate. I mean, they were gambling addicts. Like they couldn't fucking step away from it to the moment we wrapped. It was like table. And, uh, we were leaving, um, not a nightclub, but like a, like a dinner inside of a club at a casino. And we had had like per diems built up for all these push calls because they were illegally pushing us and giving us cash. You know, they didn't want the union to know. Sure. So these guys had pockets of cash and he went up to a roulette table, which I've told so

many people is a sucker. It's a sucker game. It's a stupid game. The only way to bet on roulette table, which I've told so many people is a sucker. It's a sucker game. It's a stupid game. The only way to bet on roulette, the closest you should do is red or black because it's the best odds you can get. Pushing your money around at a roulette table for hours is, it's a silly game. But like, he put it on black. He put all of it on black and it was maybe a grand and a half, maybe something like that and he and he lost and then he was like oh it and i'm thinking we're walking away he's going right to the atm to go get more money out to you know to keep playing wow we leave we come back sure enough

he's like oh i'm like six and a half in the hole i was like oh my god you're like 600 in the hole what do you mean six more he's like no no i'm like six and a half grand down from what i just lost earlier so he's almost 10 grand just out and it was a matter of i don't know an hour maybe that he just i push it out that's why i'm like i can't i can't do i can't be the guy that's i can't make that call you know that's like uh fucking hey i just lost six and a half grand on what? Roulette. Why? I love roulette, but I love roulette because I pick, you know, I walk up with a certain amount of money that I'm willing to lose. Yeah.

And then I pick the same numbers on every spin. Smart. That's the only way to win. Yeah. And I just stick with those numbers. And when they hit, I have a great time at the roulette table. Right. I walk away up. And when they don't hit, I have a great time at the roulette table. I walk away up. And when they don't hit, I lost that amount. Probably like $100.

And I go, OK, I'm done. You never go to the ATM. You know, maybe, but probably not. Probably not. Probably not. Just also because it's time consuming. You know what I mean? Like, especially blackjack.

If you're playing like $5 or even $15 blackjack, you know, on $100, you could sit there for six, seven hours and look down and you've got $120 in front of you or $80. Right. You know what I mean? It takes forever to get any, you know, you could lose it fast. It takes forever to get, if you double down a lot and hit them wrong, you could lose fast.

But I love everything but craps i just never got into craps oh i don't mind i don't mind watching it but i just don't i i don't like the fact that there's just all this yelling going on all the time and it seems very similar to me in in in uh to roulette in that all of the side bets just seem like just whack-a-doodle like i'm just taking a chance that this is going to happen. That's true. Bets. And I don't want to do those like on the fly.

I want a second to think about something like that. The name of crap should be renamed whack-a-doodle. I really think that's very funny. Whack-a-doodle rollies. Step right up for whack-a-doodle. I mean, that's definitely what that stick is called. Sir, throw the whack-a-doodle. The stick is the whack-a-doodle.

And the whack-a-doodle scooper. And whack-a-dadoodle to you, sir. Wackadoodle to you. That's what it should be. Dude, I wanted to tell you this. This is when we linked about doing this. The first thing I thought of was I wanted to tell you the story. When I did your show, when I did Getting Doug with High,

was the worst moment of my life because I had done that thing that I know I shouldn't have done, which was not get high before I showed up. And so when we did get high, I got way too high too fast because I was like adrenaline rush excited to do the show. And my brain stopped working halfway through the show because the lights of the show, it was like my brain, the functionality typically when I'm stoned is I need to kind of slowly get into it. And I got so high so fast, I couldn't even, I was telling a story to you. I can see the first moment that I started to like

go deep into my high space because I was telling you a story about the first time I got caught smoking pot or was doing, or was smoking pot that I got caught at my friend's house. We were blowing hits out of the vent in the bathroom thinking that that was going to be a clever way to get away with it, but it was blowing it through the home like idiots. Yeah. And I was telling the story. And as I was telling the story to you, I'm looking at you realizing that I'm forgetting my place in the story. And at some point I think I bail on the story. And I was like, yeah, that's what happened. And you're like, that's what happened?

That's it? And I couldn't, I couldn't fucking do it. I got so fucked, I got too high. And who was it? Jacob Seroff. And I think it was Jade was on the show with me, but I was like, oh man, I want to go back and redeem myself.

But I was like- There was three guests? I think it was me, Jacob and Jade. Yeah, I'm almost positive. You've only been on the one time? One time, yeah. Because after think it was me, Jacob, and Jade. Yeah, I'm almost positive. You've only been on the one time? One time, yeah. Because after that, I was like, well, I've done the Doug Loves Movies, but not getting Doug with High.

Because I realized after that moment, I didn't want to get High on a live recorded thing anymore because it just fucked me up mentally. I was like, oh, I was too baked. I got too baked, and I couldn't speak, which I imagine, I can't. I was too baked. I got too baked and I couldn't speak, which I imagine happens on the show. People get too baked. Oh, yeah, including me.

Especially now that we've introduced dabs into the equation. I don't know how. We do tons of dabs. Do you like dabs? I do. I like how it's... For people, when they come on and they haven't done it, I don't try to push them into it,

but if I'm describing what it's going to be like for them, right. It's just like taking like a kind of too big of a bong hit. I would say, you know, yeah. Too big is correct. It's way too big.

It's just, it's, it's an exaggerated, exaggerated bong hit and it condenses the amount of high I am so quickly. I can't do it, dude. It's an instant high, and it can be pretty rough on the throat and could make you cough a lot. But I'm getting more and more used to it, but I do like –

I already like bongs the best as far as – So you like bongs more than joints, more than pipes, more than anything? Yeah, because joints don't, you know, they're just, they're nice and they're social, but they don't get me, you know, terribly high. Yeah, that's true. Like, you know, and most of the time when I'm smoking a joint, it's because I'm outside and I'm supposed to be inside for something. So you want to get high quickly and you're outside smoking a joint

and it just doesn't necessarily do it. But, you know, of course there's lots of exceptions. People are sprinkling more. They'll sprinkle some – Some hash on there. Yeah, or some keef or something. Or you could be smoking moon rocks or whatever. It's getting all crazier and crazier, and that's where dabs come in, you know, or you could be smoking moon rocks or whatever. It's getting all crazier and crazier.

And that's where dabs come in, I think, is just that it's fun to do something that, like, people are kind of over seeing me smoke weed, you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, it's kind of become such a thing. It's done. Yeah. So it's like, you know, now let's see this fucker, you know, cough his ass off doing dabs. What's the next level? Yeah. Dude, let him main cough his ass off doing dabs. What's the next level? Yeah.

Dude, let him mainline in his fucking eyeball. What's the next level without, yeah. I mean, for years people say, do a sequel to Superhyming. I'm like, what, you know, I don't want to, there's no other drug I'd want to do it with. I wouldn't want to double the length of everything. I mean, it's almost too much. Like it's, yeah. We had way too much footage just from 30 days of off and on. Yeah.

What about, what about, are you somebody that dabbles in mushrooms or no, you don't like psychedelics? I've done it, but I don't, uh, it's not my thing. That's interesting. I've, cause I really, I, I've been smoking pot for 20 years, I would say. Um, and I like to say on and off cause I took, I would take a couple months from not smoking pot and then I would go months where I would smoke every day. And then I would take, like, I've always done that. I think this, the only thing that's been consistent in my life

is drinking. I've always been a big drinker, but, um, I was introduced to mushrooms in high school. I did them a shit load then in college a little bit, then post-college, you know, here and there. And then recently I found them again and fuck man, I, I couldn't recommend them more. I love them. I mean, honestly, because especially nowadays getting mushrooms back in the day was always like much more hard to acquire, much more difficult to like get good mushrooms. You know, you could get some that were kind of weak and they weren't that good and they were harder to find and then now they're so uh they're so easy to get and they're also so easy to get in different ways now where there's chocolates there's people that make chocolates now

and those you pop one in and you really won't most mushroom things i've eaten tasted horrible well yeah because you ate physical awful yeah nowadays they're always figuring out ways to like you know stuff it into something chocolate's the, yeah. Nowadays, it's changing. They're always figuring out ways to like, you know, stuff it into something. Chocolate's the best. If you like chocolate, there's a guy, there's literally like a group in Venice that makes chocolate bars, mushroom chocolate bars. And I highly recommend it.

They're potent enough where you do get the physical effects of mushrooms, but a pretty lack of psychedelics. You won't see a lot. You won't visualize a lot, but the body high, the mental, uh, the mental shift that you get is similar to, I feel like when I get super fucking big, like when I did a dab, I felt like the same way I felt on mushrooms, body and mental, but not, not, not a lot of visual changes. So to me, like what they're doing now is similar to how i felt when i get super high

except the difference is uh if i get super high on a dab when i do that i get a i still get a little paranoia sets in a little bit like do you get a little bit or no um you know i guess yeah it's situational it's so high so fast that's's why. It's like a fucking rush for me. Yeah. So I guess there may be some things I wouldn't want to do a dab directly before. What is it? I'm having trouble thinking of any. What's your favorite thing to do?

Because I really will do it everywhere now. What's your favorite thing to do after a dab? Probably food. Probably go have some tea. What about shower? Some people like showering a lot that's good

yeah I mean you know I'm a huge bath and jacuzzi fan love baths dude fuck me getting high and taking a bath

is tip top it's so good and there's just so rarely a situation where you can really just sit there and you know actually smoke

in the tub you know so when those come along that's pretty exciting do you tub on tour do you tub on the road I try to I know comics that say no way i tub in every single hotel that i go to uh you know i try my best but it's you know you gotta that takes some effort to get a a good tub or just a regular you'll do it in a regular tub in a no not no no no you make sure the room has

like a extra large tub not in the shower tub not in those yeah in the separate i make sure like i'll go out of my way to spend a little bit more money on a nice hotel just so i can have a tub that i want to sit in you know the best is they're they seem to be getting rarer and rarer as i stumble onto a uh jacuzzi tub that's in the same room i know i love that tv they don't do that anymore I love those It's still some places Whenever I find those I'm very excited So we should start a thing where we just

Text each other What hotels have the I also have two or three chains That I stick to just to get my points up Of course And so that's another way to get those rooms Of course yeah yeah so I get upgraded Because I've been doing them for so long. I checked into a hotel the other day,

and I specifically, when I went on the site, found a room that has a big, huge sunken tub with jets and everything, and picked one of those rooms. And I get there and go into the room, and it's just like a stand-up shower, no bath at all. Shame. And I call down to the front desk, and I get there and go into the room and it's just like a stand-up shower no bath at all and I call down on the front desk I go I think I ordered a room with a bath in it and they're like oh this room's the same room type but some have baths and some don't and I'm like well can I have one that has a bath and they have the one I wanted they go okay and i just they moved me like next door the next door room

and that had a they moved me from 420 to 421 do you always do 420 no that was just a funny coincidence where no no winks or nods from the people handing me the key when they go you're in room 420 you wanted had no idea you were like huh they're like no no i don't know every once in a while some some smart aleck behind the desk will give me room 420 because they figure out who I am. Right. But otherwise, that was a coincidence to shift you to a room to 421. Mm-hmm.

And so then in room 421, the most amazing, you can get it up to like 111 degrees. Oh, that's hot. Too hot. It starts telling you it's too hot when you get it up there. It says too hot. But you got to test the limits on these things. And yeah, it starts going too hot, too hot.

But it's also got lights that change color. Oh, how dope. But super strong jets, which I like because I like the muscle therapy of it. Me too. And even though I'm not really doing anything that physical other than lugging bags through airports. It's good to massage your muscles, man. You can lay back into it enough to hit the top of your shoulders

with the fucking really hard, hot jet. It's so good. I want to lose my sight. So anyway, TV in the tub, but also doors that open next to the tub so you can see the main tv in the bedroom two different shows dude and yeah two different shows picture in picture and uh yeah it was it was so sweet and i i was just like i just wanted to say that people work there so you really just every day we'll just put people in a room that doesn't have that tub when that tub is available yeah for the same price yeah that's insane and they're like yeah man that's what we do what is this can you tell

the city what city is this it was right here it was in los angeles it was a fun weekend for me and my girlfriend because uh we got to go to the spirit awards oh very cool uh down on the beach in santa monica so i also thought let's stay in santa monica yeah why not and uh you know it was expensive but it was fun isn't sometimes isn't it nice to just fucking do it and not give a shit and just go whatever dude i'll fucking yeah i still give a shit like that's the weird thing about uh my some having you know a little bit of financial success is that i still spend money like i don't have it like i still i still seek you know if there's a cheaper option i i almost always get it and you do yeah why Yeah. Why? Fear of losing it or something?

Not needing it. Right. Like sometimes when they're at a hotel, they're like, would you like the free upgrade to a suite with two rooms? Yeah. I'm like, I just, I like a regular size hotel room. Sure. Because I've just put my shit everywhere.

I know where it is is i don't have to walk from room to room you know what i mean like like like oh there's a gig in sacramento the punch line where the hotel they think they're giving you an upgrade when they give you a room that's got a loft so every time you want to go to the bed or the bathroom it's upstairs but the living room and the kitchen are down and the front door downstairs yeah so it's i mean i'm not lazy in that way like if it was really you know if there was something extra cool about it like if you went up those stairs and the upstairs had its own private balcony very cool that you could because that is another one you look for is balconies balconies love have to have yeah we got to set up a thing where we say this has got a balcony and a tub.

Cause when it's both, that's all I'm looking for. We should do an Excel spreadsheet that we'll share. A Google doc will share about balconies and hot tubs. Yeah. I gotta be a little careful on the, you know, praising the balconies thing because they,

not only are they taking them away in some places or, or they're locking up the sliding glass door where you can see that there was a balcony you're looking at a balcony you can't go out on it that bothers me so much or or when the like when it's nice in a place and the windows don't open all the way i it frustrates me so much because they're like i get that some guy maybe fucking killed himself one time. And so now they won't open up all the way. But I'm just like, why? They won't let you crack a window in a lot of places. Now you can't even open them.

Yeah, there's places that you can't. I'll settle for a crack because I'll bring a paper towel tube and blow it right out that way. Do you do that? When we were in high school, we called those titties. We called those titties where you stuffed a paper towel tube with- I just finally realized I should do that when I was in San Francisco. And the wind was so bad that when I tried to blow it out the window, it would just come right back in.

Like a cartoon? So, yeah. So my girlfriend got the genius idea to use a tube and get it a little further away from the window so it can't get back in. And it worked beautifully. So now I just have one in my bag. All the time. Yeah, because TSA doesn't,

what are they going to do about a paper towel tube? You can't have this paper towel tube. This is a threat. This is a threat to the airline. Do you stuff it with anything? This is like a tiny sword. Because remember sword fights with the long tubes? Yeah, the cardboard swords.

Yeah, exactly. The Christmas wrapping tubes. Those were fucking so much fun. Lightsabers before lightsabers. That's exactly right. But you'd have to make up the long tubes. Yeah, exactly. The Christmas wrapping tubes. Those were fucking so much fun. Lightsabers before lightsabers. That's exactly right. But you'd have to make up the noises yourself. Yeah, you wouldn't even know what you were dealing with.

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That's great. That's pretty good. And so close to Chewbacca. Do you stuff your paper towel tubes with anything when you blow them out or no no you know the secret right well you can put like uh dryer dryer sheets always i put dryer sheets in my shoes but then you don't have to then you don't have to get the smoke outside you just blow it into the dryer sheet you can just lay in bed and do that it's like a flashlight that you blow into yeah you fuck it afterwards and it gets nice and yeah you blow hits in and spit it's really

fuckable when you put weed and spit in it yeah that's what i look for yeah in a vagina a weed and spit vagina i want the vagina to be high and wet does your girlfriend smoke pot or uh or like a pitch that might be considered a ball high and inside. High and inside. I like my vaginas high and inside. Like an almost perfect pitch, high and inside. That's it. Did your girlfriend smoke pot with you?

Oh, that's perfect for the pitcher. High and inside? Yeah. Yeah, still a ball. Because how's he going to – he's not going to – the batter can't catch that. Yeah, still a ball. Because how's he going to – he's like a – the batter can't catch that. Yeah, they can. Some people hit really good – high is dangerous for a good hitter. Because the ball is pitched so hard to begin with

that the Ricochet gets them a home run almost in and of itself. If you're a guy like Aaron Judge, you love high fastballs because you get – Because you just – You get out of bounds. Yeah, those a guy like Aaron Judge, you love high fastballs because you get out of bubble. Those are home run sucker balls. Holy shit. High is bad for a pitcher. Yeah, I don't know anything about baseball. You don't like baseball?

And Moneyball is one of my favorite movies ever. That's because you have a crush on Jonah Hill. And Brad Pitt. And Philip Seymour Hoffman when he plays the guy who's angry all the time. And? Is there any women in it? I have no idea. Who plays the wife?

Who got stuck with that dumb part? I don't know. The wife. You're better at movies than I am. I talked about you this morning to somebody. I said, Doug knows. Doug can name. You can name people in films where I forget they're in the movie.

I'm not good at that. Was it Robin Wright? Robin Wright Penn, yeah. No, she wasn't was she i don't know google it he had some wife in that movie that or no maybe he was yeah yeah he had a wife billy bean yeah was he divorced at the time he was divorced but he was so he was sharing custody that's why when he'd see his kid that's right he'd have to be like yeah everybody where i work hates me yeah yeah boohoo i'm not really pulling this off i just love that movie because there's so many fucking like like just kind of sports guys like philip seymour hoffen plays one but then there's some older guys like he goes up a bunch of up against a bunch of old men or older men who all have this

like, why change what's worked for all this time kind of a mentality. So it's just so fun when he is in their face about it, but it takes so long for it to turn around and actually work what he's trying to do. But once it does, I just feel so much satisfaction. Right. Because it feels like he went up against the bullies. He did.

You know? Yeah, the Goliaths. He did. The old fat white bullies. But everybody in sports has to be a bully because you're there to win. Yeah, you have to. You have to bully everybody. But he just based it on analytics.

He was really smart. He just beat a bully with numbers. And so does that still work? Is that still, is he still like a- Well, let's put it this way. Is he still like a... Well, let's put it this way. A great, phenomenal manager named Theo Epstein was the man who arguably changed Boston Red Sox history forever

in terms of the way he organized baseball. And he came to Chicago and won the World Series for the Chicago Cubs as well. And his style, his managerial prowess was similar to what Billy did. Billy, he was just an, he was an engineer of baseball numbers. Very, very smart man. So in the same regard, yeah, it works, but you have to be a fucking genius. I mean, a fucking genius. Like these, these are men that are like beyond baseball. They're extremely intellectual. They see things in a different way.

They viewed baseball as code. So like, it's almost like they broke the internet of baseball. Like they learned how to crack, they hacked baseball. But does it work forever? No, because sports continually change. That's the beauty. Right, injuries. And trades and the game changes.

And there's cheaters, Houston. Cheater, cheater. Do you know about this? Yeah. They cheat, they cheated. Like they inevitably, perfectly cheated. Which by the way, I've always been cool with cheating in sports, but I am, I'm cool with it because I know what happens constantly. And just, if you get caught, then we get mad. But if you don't get caught, it's, they're, they're all cheating. Every football player is on steroids. Uh, every baseball player is trying to get their

edge as well. Every basketball player is doing whatever they can to get the next physical edge. And baseball cheats, not physical, but with numbers and math. They're stealing. Yeah. Well, in international football, everybody cheats by faking injuries. Yeah, they do. Constantly.

Constantly faking injuries. So many ACLs, so many bruised knees, so many bruised legs. If they hit the ground for any reason, they start grabbing something and writhing in pain. What sport do you watch? All of them. What's your favorite to watch? Well, like I said, I used to watch poker a lot.

Yeah, sports sports. And I like the Winter Olympics. Okay, right. I like pretty much everything in the Winter Olympics. Speed skating is going on. Any fucking thing on ice or snow, I'm into it. Do you do anything on ice or snow yourself or no i have but not you know i'm not good at it i snowboard i probably won't anymore

like i mean ice skating is like i don't know how the fucking ankles can't would you ski do you ever ski i did i i skied several times without without like proudly, without ever taking a lesson or ever getting good at it. I was always a mess at it. But I was out there trying it. Not falling as much as just a lot of hesitation. Yeah. A lot of pizza pie. And a lot of, and if I did fall, you know, getting up was an ordeal.

It's a pain. By the way, that's a thing that's, so I snowboard, and I love going to the mountains. And we have family that lives in the mountains, so we go every year, and that's a pain. By the way, that's a thing that's, so I snowboard and I love, I love going to the mountains and we have family that lives in the mountains. So we go every year and that's a thing. Having a drink and smoking a joint when I was 23, fucking phenomenal. When I have a drink and smoke a little bit on the mountain now, impossible. And I mean it, I'm fucking done. My lungs can't do it. Like my is blown like the altitude kills me so now I used to always ride with a little bit of something in my body because I loved it I put in my headphones I listen to music and I cruise down the mountain and I've said this before

skiing or snowboarding whatever you do on the mountain it is it is sex to me it's the same like just complete physical satisfaction alone. You're alone in this world of pleasure. And I used to love having a little drink and a little hit. And now I just can't, I can't do it. It sucks. I get scared. I get, I get scared. I'm going to, I'm going to run out of energy. I'm going to pass out. I'm too tired. I can't breathe that well. It's too, the elevation's too high. It's just's it's intense it's dude i mean and when we go to breckenridge uh we sleep at almost 11 000 feet 11 000 feet that's most like big bear mountain is i think their peak is probably 11 7 maybe so i sleep in breckenridge at 11 000

you ski up to i think 13 is max there i think about 12 8 or something like that so you're so when people are like oh i can handle it i love seeing people go thinking they're tough guys and they get up there and they're winded as fuck half a run and they're just like i can't do it it's like yeah it'll it it's a testament to how in shape good uh skiers have to be you have to be in such good shape to ride a ton because it's just such a it's it's a harbor on your body the elevation kills man i wish i could do it like i used to but i'll still go that's why i do roller coasters yeah you like that because it's that's you know pretty similar thrill but you're like you know you just sit there and you have minimal you know you have certain safety instructions but other

than that you know you're free you don't really have to do anything. Do you go to Six Flags? I do like the rush of moving quickly and dropping. Yeah. Do you go to Six Flags? I have, yes. Now it's more daunting now because I've grown to like Disneyland more because it's all flat surfaces at Disneyland. Yeah. Magic Mountain is on a fucking mountain.

Yeah, it's on a mountain. And if you just on a whim want to go on a certain ride, you've got to hike ahead of you. Yeah, it's hard. It's really like, it's impossible to only walk downhill there. Right. Unless you're leaving. Yeah.

Once you're leaving. You know what I mean? You can't go on rides and get out of there without having to walk up some hills, which I'm happy to do. But it's just like at a certain point it's like, well, I don't really like the ninja ride that much anyway, so I'm not going to schlep all the way up there. I'm not going to schlep the ninja ride. That's a nightmare.

It's like I've grown to the point where I love San Francisco, but I've gone there enough to know how to walk around without walking up hills yeah yeah there's ways to go it's amazing how you only have to go away a couple blocks to avoid a hill well you'll learn you're like i'm not going over there fuck that getting over there i'm going to take a car because i can't walk yeah uh do you what's the thing what that when you said disney what's the thing that what's thing that you still do as an adult that makes you still feel like a child? That you do that you're like, this is still my thing that I'm like, oh, this is still childish, quote unquote, but I still love it. It's funny that you say that because it's everything that,

it's a lot of things that I love to do, but also things that I don't like. When I do them, I feel like a kid again yeah all the time like what like just like finding an address or you know paying a bill on time or you know um like oh you know like renting a car taking it it out, driving it around, returning it without breaking anything. Bringing it back feels like a kid again. When you get out of the car and they walk around it looking for something, anxious, like I'm going to get in trouble. It's a fucking rental car.

Even if there is a scratch on it, why would any of you be able to get away with it's a fucking rental car even if there is a scratch on it why would it yeah there's already a million should be able to get away with it you know but yeah uh you know certainly like smoking in hotel rooms i'm like very childlike in that i really don't want to get caught doing it even though in my life you know being white and having some money the worst is going to happen is you know it's a dumb charge. You're getting yelled at. I've been thrown out once or twice of hotels. Really? That's unsettling.

Do you got a good hotel throwout story? When they're just like, get out. What's the one that you got thrown out of that stuck with you the most? One where I almost feel like I'd recognize the guy if I saw him, you know, after seeing so many faces in my life, but I'd just be like, that's that guy. I was just smoking in a room where I

had the window open, San Diego. Had the window open, could blow it out the window. Very big window opening, so I just got lazy or something. Even when you try your hardest to make the smell go away it's sometimes it just it just gets out into the hallway life you know i put the towel down in the high school

door crack but sometimes the door crack is every core you know every side of the door yeah doesn't has air but yeah no insulation you can see the hallway like that's where that's when you test the hotel room door is uh you know at night when those you know the light shines well you can see all the light from the hallway coming through oh shit well that's that's gonna be hard to keep the smoke from not going to all of those cracks but anyway uh i did the best that i could or you know maybe maybe failed but the guy was really this was years ago so the guy was really, this was years ago, so the guy was like, you can't do that here. And I'm like, do what? And he goes, smoke in your room.

And I go, I'm not smoking in here. And he goes, I could smell it. You're definitely smoking here. And I go, well, I'm taking my medicine. I'm in California, because at that time it was legal if you had your card. I'm like a California medical patient. And he goes, and this is where it gets into the argument, just goes in circles, because he was like,

well, you're not allowed to smoke anything in the room, so we're going to charge you $250. And I was like, well, okay, I'll stop. And he's like, but you also have to leave the room. And I was like, yeah, but how about if I just pay the $2.50 and I don't smoke anymore? Right. And he goes, well, what you're doing is illegal.

And I go, no, I have my card. And he goes, let me see it. So I get my medical card and I show it to him. And he stares at it for the longest time. As if he fucking knows anything. As if it's going to matter because he hands it back to me and goes, well, you still can't smoke in the room. And I go, okay, well, I'll stop.

And he goes, you have to leave. And I go, why do I have to leave if I'm going to stop smoking? And he goes, because you smoked in the room. You're not allowed to smoke in the room. So they threw me out and charged me. I think it should be one or the other. Fact. Yeah, you can't do both to me.

So I've done, you know, routines, you know, to that effect. That reminds me, I saw you doing a time at the comedy store recently. Yeah. And I wanted to tell you that, I mean, obviously it's a premise that is near and dear to both of us, but we both talk about how LAX, the TSA will let you take up to an ounce. Yeah, you can. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. And I talk about it mostly like my position on it on stage is just telling people, this is real. Yeah. I'm not making it because no matter how much you tell people, they still, there's a part of their brain that goes, I'm going to be the person they decide to make an example of and bust me for trying to walk through a pot. The LA Times wrote about it. We both talked about it. I know. I've constantly

tried to spin it into, well, I tell a story or I used to tell that joke where I would tell a story in regards to when I got caught by TSA when it was just medical and I was pulled out of line. And this guy made a huge deal out of it i mean it no joke i almost missed my flight and this was back when i had my card or the paper or whatever and he was i mean berating me i mean right because he he went rogue that's not they clearly were not told to do that exactly this and this was and this also maybe was seven eight years ago before it was totally completely legal but but even then i used to fly all the time yeah me too me too and i never got hassled yeah and he was so adamant i mean like he wanted to he wanted as if he wanted to catch me you don't want to cop pulls someone here you go

you don't want to cop pulls over a black guy and he's like wants to find yeah gotta find the thing that he's done because he hasn't done anything wrong yeah you're just prying to find something oh well you know you can't have this on your car, whatever. It was like, he was prying. It was like using his, his power to pry at me to try to find something. And I was like, do I, you know, by the way, it was also, uh, if I remember right, it was, it was, uh, two pre, two pre-roll joints. That's all it was two pre-roll joints. And he was trying to say, this is a federal offense. And I said, well, you know, I mean, what can we do here to like just abort this situation?

I need to get on my flight. You can throw them away. Whatever you need to do. Yeah, that's the go-to. And he continued until finally he got a, I say, well, then I'd like a supervisor to, you know, if I'm going to get charged for something, I'd like to have another supervisor in the room, you know, which I don't know where that came from inside of me. Like, you know what I mean? Like I became a lawyer and then, and a supervisor came in, we all spoke. He, he really

changed his fucking tone, of course, because the supervisor was so much nicer of a dude and was like, you know, what's the problem? I explained everything to him and he's like, okay, well, we're not going to let you travel with this today. Blah blah blah blah blah whether or not it was legal to have me travel with it because i had my medical paperwork um he he confiscated it quote unquote threw them away and he let me go to my gate but this guy it's as if like like like like he he had a grudge against me and was just wanted to fuck me over so bad and And so years later now, when I talk about it, I'm like,

now I would love to see that fucking guy. I would love to see that every day. He's just fuming. Yes. Like finding weed and everybody's black all day long. Wagging his finger at people. Why? It was like,

just so angry that people have freedom. You can get away with this. Yeah. I, but you're right. We both, I talk about that because people think I'm lying. My cousins came to town and they thought I was, I was like, dude, would I set you up to get in trouble? Ever? You're my family. You can leave with the pot.

Like I was like, it's, that's, it's, please know that it's fine. People still get nervous and they hide it, which is the one thing that TSA says, please know that it's fine. People still get nervous and they hide it, which is the one thing the TSA says. Don't hide it. Because if you're trying to put it in a shampoo bottle, then they're going to find it. Then they're like, what's in this shampoo bottle?

It's probably that shampoo that a shampoo bomber would use. Right, exactly. Which is also a thing that the shoes and the bottles of liquids, Which is also a thing that like the shoes and the bottles of liquids, like no one, people tried to bomb planes that way and failed. Failed miserably. And it's still something all these years later that we're still doing. Do you put your pot in your pocket when you travel or put it in your bag? No, I don't have anything in my pockets because when you have to go through the machine where

you put your hands over your head, you know, it sees everything. So I put it in the dish. I usually travel with pre-rolls because I like joints. That's the one thing that I was going to say to you. Sure. It's all I love is joints. It's my favorite. I love it so much.

It's always social. It's the perfect amount for you. If I'm by myself, I love it. Yeah. I put it in the same bin with my cell phone and my wallet and keys and bullshit. Every time. Well, I mean, because you get from like Lowell or and my wallet and keys and bullshit. Every time. Well, I mean, because you get from like Lowell or something,

so it looks like a pack of cigarettes. Yep, exactly. Yeah, no, that's super smart. Fastest way to be like, it's right there. There's nothing to dig for it. All my shit's in the bowl. It goes through the thing and I'm good to go. And I've said that to people a million times.

I said, if you have something like that, pre-rolled, put it in the fucking bowl. That is easier for them in case there's any sort of metal parts in your, whatever fucking contraption you're carrying the weed in and put it through and you're good to go. But the, you know, just loosen their carry on or just anywhere, anywhere in their check bag.

It's all doesn't matter. Yeah. Check bag. The only thing I'd worry about is, you know, maybe a baggage handler would take it. But even there, I think they're being watched all the time now.

100%. So I think that even there, that's not going to happen. No. So I feel like you're good to go any way that you do it. Right. Because they don't have the time, the resources, or the care. Why would they care? To stop people from just taking their weed to their next location.

Right. I think about that. That's the question I ask myself. Why would they care? To stop people from just taking their weed to their next location. Right. I think about that. That's the question I ask myself. Why would they care is the most logical. What would they be? Well, sometimes I feel like my bag smells so bad that I could get a family, like a parent being upset that their kid has to smell it or whatever. Okay.

Or an older person not just finding the smell bad because they've their whole life they've been a racist so that smells like black people yeah exactly so you know it's um uh i generally don't feel too much guilt about doing it and get away with it all the time but people really i see it in their faces like at the comedy store in the main room they'll you can see everybody's face when you're talking to them you know it's not just a spotlight on you so like you can really look at people and i tell them you know because i'll say who's visiting from out of town you know fly home with weed do it do just do it yeah i'm telling you you're gonna be able to do it i know you should and uh there's people just shaking their heads

like they just can't imagine it because it's just such a terrifying idea to do something that you know is not legal it's been indoctrinated into most if not all americans heads that you're not it's a bad it is still a no-no thing. It'll still, for a long time, dude, that's going to be a no-no thing until a generation dies out where it will be a thing of the past. Like until the idea that like my kids' kids won't know what a, won't have any really connectivity to like a cassette tape. Right. That will be the same kind of like knowledge of when the generation dies that where we look dude my grandmother is quite sick and i called her the

other day to say hello to her and i check in with her probably every week and um you know the fucking doctors are are debating on pain medication and i and and i and she's you know she's in her late 80s so it's like her generation was like, they've been told it was wrong for so long. Whether or not they even feel that way, it's like ingrained in her brain. And that the smell is bad. Right.

Everything about it is negative. It's compared to skunks. Right, right, right. Which always smells a million times worse. I know. No one's ever hit a fucking weed truck and everyone's like oh my god does that smell like this idea that it's like this negative awful thing has or that they can get high from it like the second and high thing is ridiculous so i told her

i said on the phone i go there there is medicine now that's thca that's not there's non-active stuff there's all sorts of stuff and i think for the first time in my grandmother's life, she even maybe considered it, that she was finally like, hey, maybe. Because I was saying, like, it's just got to become a standard for a generation like that to just go, hey, if you try this, just try this without all this negative connotation, and you don't like it that's fine but the knowledge that like people are kind of thinking about indulging into that era makes me happy that i'm like yeah at least some people are going maybe maybe yeah lots of kids

are telling their parents their aged parents yeah uh you know just try it yeah try it worst case scenario you'll be upset that you tried it for a little while and you don't like it you might throw up or something but that'd be that's pretty wild pretty rare yeah yeah and uh chances are you're gonna like it and it changes their whole view on the thing because they know like this is a pleasant feeling why would i be afraid or worried about anyone else who's feeling this this feeling right well especially as a painkiller yeah i mean that's my thing it's just invaluable the physical value is tremendous compared to family members that have gone through chemo and it's just like you just you hear how much stuff they get pumped and you're like, God, how could we not just break this fucking fake ghost wall of this is bad?

It's so strange. The government's so good at convincing people opioids were chill. Like the most deadly drug on earth. They convinced people. They're like, this is fine. It's not that big of a deal. We give this out all the time. It's like, yeah, but that doesn't make it good because you give it out all the fucking time and why were they so divisive they were so good at making

marijuana so negative it was they were so good at it the marketing was so good dare was so strong that like we're still white people saying marijuana yeah like that's the word that was thrown around to try to make it sound scary. Because it was supposed to be Mexican. Right, Mexico. Yeah, that's exactly right. I always forget to say cannabis because that's probably better. Way better. Right, I learned that recently.

I forget to do it though. Well, because I do like the name marijuana. I'm just used to it. I've like, you know, branded it, you know, like I was in a show called The Marijuana Logs. Yeah. You know, like. But you know, I learned this too, that the government did that to associate it with Mexican Yeah, marijuana

Oh, the scary Mexican weed Yeah, the drug that made you lose your mind Yeah, make you rape innocent white girls Rape innocent white girls Which is the name of your next album You guys pick up Doug Benson's Rape Innocent White Girls Wait a second, I didn't want to announce that yet That's still

But yeah, I'll go through Tsa now and uh numerous times and often i'll be traveling with somebody else who gets to enjoy the spectacle of like they'll pull my bag aside for some random thing sure and when they're searching through my bag for some weird electronics item that they don't you know they're not sure what it is they just like you know either look at and put back or set down next to it like a you know eighth of weed in a little jar and a dirty pot like a pipe that's clearly been smoked out of before you know i don't go with a packed pipe but you know like and uh and just all this shit that says marijuana has pot on it pot leaves you know right edibles bath bombs that have weed in them oh that's you know but all that stuff's in there and they just brush all that aside to find like oh

it's just your electric toothbrush or whatever right that's making them worried you can't have this you know it happens all the time nobody says shit about it no it's true it's also we're two white privileged guys talking about it so i'm sure there's people well that's the other thing you know that's the trouble is you say to somebody of color hey try this it's easy, we're two white privilege guys talking about it, so I'm sure there's people. Well, that's the other thing. I know. That's the trouble is you say to somebody of color, hey, try this. It's easy. And they're like, fuck you. And then they got some fucking racist asshole working the TSA that day.

Yeah, that's the problem. But generally, I'm finding the TSA to be more and more pleasant all the time. I still think that it's weird that one day you're just barked at constantly about what to do and other TSA agents are just quiet and just let you go about your business and figure it out. But you know what I mean? They have different styles. And it's just interesting that there isn't a style book like,

let's either do this quietly or let's bark at everybody. But why are some employees choosing to do one and some the other? They're doing the same job and they do it so differently. I'm going to do the spreadsheet. The Google Doc spreadsheet is going to be hotels with tubs and TVs and balconies

and TSA agents we like. Mark in Seattle is dope. Well, Seattle's good. Portland, I think they're kind of like, one of their slogans is how nice their uh tsa is there is that that's on their license plate i mean i think they're really proud of it like i think they're again our tsa is that travel magazine or something and uh yeah there's definitely there's so many like some of my buddies that I've traveled with over the years,

we could just talk for hours about accommodations. But that's like half of our whole life. Different airlines and all that shit. Yeah, well, that's the thing. I'll see non-comedians jump in all the time and give us a hard time for like, yeah, we get it. You're in airports all the time and all the airlines hard time for like, yeah, we get it. You're in airports all the time and all the airlines suck. But we are. Yeah. Sorry. So that's our lives. That's why

airplane jokes became hacky. They have to read about it. Because every comic was like, this is the most relatable thing on earth for us and for audience members because we live this world. There is no other time in your life where you are gathered with complete literal strangers forced to be together like that for that long of a time right public transportation like planes and i mean i'm sorry like uh trains and buses extremely short stints of time you're with strangers right extremely short tend to be or everybody's asleep right so for this that's why it's so fucking rare you're never sitting next to that many strangers for so long. That's why it's so easily talked about for comics because you're like, this is my whole life. Half of my fucking travel is on a fucking airplane.

Yeah, and the seat doesn't really go – it really doesn't recline. Not anymore. And the food is terrible. Food's dog shit. And the flight attendants treat you terribly. Why are they so mean? All that – there were so many bits over the years that, yeah,

I got indoctrinated into like this cult of comedians who feel like talking about it is, uh, you know, hacky or bad. And then Twitter came along and okay, maybe you're not doing it on stage, but you're still bitching about your online situation on Twitter.

Everybody, you're still doing the, you're still bitching about your situation on Twitter. Everybody does. You're still doing jokes about how shitty it is to fly sometimes. Yeah, because you have to, because it's like part of the fuck. I don't know who said it to me. A comic said one time they go, an older comic when I was an open mic said, 80% of comedy is going to do comedy. And I was like, oh, as I've gotten older,

I've learned that that is so true. Most of my comedy experience is getting to go do comedy. And I was like, oh, as I've gotten older, I've learned that like, that is so true. Most of my comedy experience is go getting to go do comedy. You know, 20% performance, 80% is like getting to the right places to do the right things, to go to the right place, to get to the take another thing, another thing. It's like, that's, it's, it's, it's a nightmare, but I love it. And, uh, we'll never change. We'll do this forever for you guys. Doug is traveling right now. And we'll never change. We'll do this forever for you guys. Doug is traveling right now.

Come see him live. He's out on the road right now. He's performing. He's going to be in Alaska tonight, tomorrow. No, I'm kidding. You're not in Alaska. You're really going into that. I pitched that. Yeah, I pitched that.

That was like a real host of a real show. Yeah, it did. Are you on tour right now? They really ask you know, ask your publicist 15 times for what, you know, what do you want to say? What's the name of his tour? Yeah, and then when you get there,

they go, so what should we say? What should we say about this? You're like, why did I send the fucking email? Why is it all back and forth so much about that? I was going to ask you, do you have a favorite club in the United States?

Yes. Which one? It's hard because I, because, because... have a favorite club in the united states yes which one it's hard because i because because name a top club well my thing you don't have to name an absolute favorite i hate that sort of thing too yeah people always ask me what's your favorite movie oh you think somebody loves movies can just pick one stupid fucking right b and then for you it's that is my everything but it is fast i love movies with an s it's fast and furious too for you well you know i know you get my tokyo drift i know uh denver comedy works is i bragged about it for a long time oh comedy works great

downtown that's all i was fishing for i will be there on april 20th doing stand-up comedy on 420 2020 420 this is a big one oh shit it's a big one so i had to be in denver are you doing just one show or two what are you doing uh is it one show it's seven o'clock on 420 but you know of course room to add uh you know we'll do a late show if uh guys buy the fucking tickets so we can do a second show and i say we because i'm gonna jump on the show okay i'm coming out there 420 is a monday this year oh it is that always is a little bit of a monkey wrench i don't think it matters in a city like denver my friend that's why i'm going to denver i think they'll come out yeah but you still you still have to deal with the the business uh the comedy club itself is like it's monday night We don't do,

we can't do two shows on a Monday night. So I'm giving them the old, well, we'll see, you know, hoping my first show will sell out.

Yeah, if it's good, if it's, you know, if it's good business. Post haste. So my point is that even if you don't live

in Denver, please buy some tickets. Don't even come to the show. I just need, I just need the seven o'clock to sell out so we can add a 9.45 or some shit Go buy these tickets

Go to Denver Comedy Works Go to DougBenson.com DougBensonComedy What is it? DougBenson.com I think you're better at sitting up in your chair You're doing a great job Than your guest star in this one

What do you mean? You're doing a great job Is this like Letterman used to always have his seat A little bit higher than the guest? Do you pull that kind of shit? No, I'm doing the opposite Does yours have slightly better posture? No That like Letterman used to always have his seat a little bit higher than the guest? Do you pull that kind of shit? No, I'm doing the opposite. Does yours have slightly better posture? No, that's Letterman's ego.

That's Letterman wanting to be a little bit above you. But this is me. Look, I'm lower than you right now. Well, because I just sat up straight finally after an hour of talking and whiskey drinking. But this is why I bought these chairs. I wanted to be chill and relaxed and low-key. What is your shirt? I love it.

I love being able to cross your leg. See? What's your shirt mean? Have people staring right into it. House of what? My shirt is House of Nanking, a delicious restaurant in San Francisco. Fucking A, dude. That's another good...

By the way, another good group of clubs, Cobbs and Punchline. Phenomenal clubs. Oh, yeah. I'll be uh in san francisco the night before 420 so 419 419 doing a show at 10 30 10 30 where san francisco's different they're letting me do a show at 10 30 where at midnight it'll officially be 420 oh cool and then we go outside that beautiful outdoor area and everyone gets high as fuck you're saying outdoor of cobs or uh the punchline punchline yeah on the recently saved punchline

on the patio there yes yeah this whole beautiful outdoor garden area it's been great for me for years again before legalization you know before uh you you know, for health reasons and then before recreational. Before fun. San Francisco has always been a super down. A phenomenal city. Super down with it. So, yeah. So, I'm going to be there on 419 at the Punchline.

And it's DougLovesMovies.com. DougLovesMovies.com. And I just started Doug Loves Movies Twitter account finally. Oh, shit. Only been doing that podcast for 14 years. It's about time. Yeah, just coming around to it. I mean, longer than Twitter, I guess.

Yeah, Twitter's only been out for probably a decade, right? 12, 11 years maybe. Maybe, yeah. Anyway, Doug Loves Movies on Twitter, if you follow me there, that'll be all the doug loves movies news cool and my regular doug benson feed can just be about stand-up and telling jokes i like that that's good you're making a separation do you have a whiskey ginger twitter account no you know we have an instagram which i like the most because it's you know what it is yeah i got an instagram too for

doug loves movies doug loves movies instagram the reason i have an instagram for this and not a because it's, you know what it is for me. Yeah, I got an Instagram too for Doug Loves Movies. Doug Loves Movies Instagram. The reason I have an Instagram for this and not a Twitter is because I have a collection of these artists, this phenomenal group of people named the Comedy Content Collective. They're a group of artists across the world actually. And they kind of do art for different podcasts and comedy shows that they like.

And I'd like to just host their stuff on there i have two people that work with me uh this guy joseph free and jenna sunday who like put up phenomenal shit from great artists and i just want to like help feature their work is kind of what it's for so it's like promotional for the show but also like hey this is some cool shit that they make that people make so people can find more artists because it's it's like it's crazy like what i don't know six seven eight years ago it was hard to get a good like tape of yourself or a good art of yourself or great photos of like your what you're doing and now there's so many fucking phenomenal artists you just need access to them and i think

we're just trying to show great artists making dope shit so more people can go fuck i want to follow that person or maybe work with them or whatever because i feel like that's the only per that's the purpose of instagram anyway is to like make a collection of cool things to get people to see other cool shit yeah i love i you know uh my friend patten oswalt has been been on it for years and years and years, but I recently got into just having artists do show posters. Fuck yeah. You know, I mean, he's been doing it forever and all the best ones, you know, they all flock to him because he's, you know, great

and, you know, supports that stuff. Totally. But I've been getting into it a little bit recently and uh i really love it that's what that one is down there that red rocket tour that's that's by them oh cool but the tricky part is like when somebody like don't you hate a lot of uh art of your own face oh i don't want my face on it no no i well you know what i mean like yeah sometimes they do and it's like people they're so nice but sometimes like doesn't it suck when you don't like your face when it's or it is a bad rendering you know like but that's the thing it's hard to be uh objective you know yeah well you don't want to be like fuck you that's

not what i look like i'm not that ugly but also right but yeah you do feel that way so you're like that's not me i'm not that fucking or why'd you use that photo of me as the basis that's more why'd you use that photo is what i that's for that drawing? That's more it. Why'd you use that photo? Yeah, they pick a bad photo and then go nuts. Like they make it worse. Yeah, they're like, I'm really killing it. You're like, well, I guess. Yeah, that's been my MO.

I'm trying these posters. And then that right there, that bear, that was in the background of my special. It's the Chicago Bears. That's the Cubs, the Blackhawks, and the White Sox, and the Bulls are all represented. And can you name that artist by chance? Do you know who that is? That's someone that you may have recognized his work for years and years

and years and years and years. Really? Who is it? He's very big in the comedy community and designed so many posters that you were probably on, whether or not you recognize it or not. Who is it? I'll give you one more hint. Meltdown. There was a guy that you one more hint. Meltdown.

There was a guy that did all the posters at Meltdown? There was a guy that did all the posters at Meltdown. I mean, I love those posters, but I never knew who did them. You don't really? What's his name? I'm not going to tell you. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

What a fun way to end a podcast. The way you threw that was so fun. Oh, that's interesting. It's interesting that you're not going to tell me who that is. Because I really could walk away without you telling me and not mind it. Well, you wouldn't care. Yeah. But it's fun for the viewers and listeners.

For them to know? Well, they're not going to see this art. That's the problem. No, I mean, it's fun for them viewers and listeners. For them to know? Well, they're not going to see this art. That's the problem. No, no. I mean, it's fun for them to not get the information. Because also, they don't know whether you're going to tell me or not after we're done. Yeah, that's my favorite part.

As far as they know, you're going to just tell me anyway. Maybe, but why not? I'd like to walk out of here without knowing. Okay, I'm not going to tell you. But whoever it was did great work. Yeah. Like a poster for every Meltdown show. Like there was one a week for years.

That's exactly right. And now Kumail is a movie star. He's a movie star. And you have the same, and by the way, I know he put up that shirtless pic, Kumail, of him all ripped. Yeah. Why didn't you put up yours? Well, because I am not a show-off like him. shirtless pic Kumail of him all ripped yeah why didn't you put up yours well because you've been

a competitive show off like him you but you do have that same body you just don't want to do sad marriage where they're constantly producing award-winning content right that motherfucker that motherfucker how could you go a year without a tweet oh my goddamn arms are killing me from all this weight lifting like he kept his workout regimen yeah marvel paid his lack of eating i'm sure they did to just but he kept it all a secret gotta do it that's crazy though because we're also in a world where people have to walk you through every fucking step of everything they do yeah you know what i mean yeah like a world where people have to walk you through every fucking step of everything they do. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like a lot of people would have started immediately with the Instagrams about, I'm going to get in shape. Transforming. Yeah. Yeah. And he didn't. He went all the way to fucking crazy.

Be quiet and do the work. That's what he did. He just was quiet and did the work. And you know what? It looks great by, I guess people's standards. Sure. But I don't like the vainness of the, yeah.

I don't like that. It looks like his arm's going to explode. I think. Yeah. You're also not the market that they're targeting. No, I know. That's the thing.

It's not for or about me at all. Yeah. Yeah. But still I have, I still have criticisms. And yet still, it's like i'll criticize you know like i'll criticize the movie sister to the traveling pants when i have no business saying a word about it what what's bad about it i don't think there's one thing bad about it it's terrible yeah it is not a good movie but it's also not for me doesn't matter why does my opinion matter no it doesn't those pants are

going to travel no matter what I say. But seriously, those girls are all different sizes. Why would it fit all of them? Yeah, that's impossible. I'm not trying to fat shame anybody. Well, they're not all 28 waist. But they're all not the same. No, they're all not the same. And they all wear them beautifully.

Yeah, they do. Those traveling pants. They're magical. They forgot a word in the title. It's already a long ass title. Go ahead and add magical. The sisterhood of the magical traveling pants. Magical traveling pants. They forgot a word in the title. It's already a long-ass title. Go ahead and add magical. The Sisterhood of the Magical Traveling Pants.

Traveling Magical Pants. The Traveling Magical Pants. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Magical Pants. Yeah, because it's not necessarily the traveling that's the magical part. It's the pants. They travel and they're magic. And they're magic and they travel and they're pants. Guys, this has been phenomenal. Mr. Doug Benson, thank you so much for coming. travel and their magic and their magic and they travel and their pants guys this has been phenomenal

Mr. Doug Benson thank you so much for coming yeah that's what you should do like well what you said like the little baby I almost did it on this thing but I think it would break

it might yeah these are very delicate and they mean a lot to me delicate coasters that's where I got them from delicatecoasters.com is where you can get these do yourself a favor

go see Doug live he's phenomenal he's a lovely sweet person I'll put all that stuff in the description below that's where we always do it and how we end the episode is I'm going to walk away

you're going to look into the camera as I walk off and you're going to end the episode with a word or a phrase of your choosing

one word or a phrase nothing long nothing heavy just something concise that represents Doug Benson okay go ahead

okay along, nothing heavy, just something concise that represents Doug Benson. Okay, go ahead. Pizza. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse gingers are hell no

this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers