Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Elle Orlando

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

Andrew Santino sits down with the hilarious and unpredictable Elle Orlando to talk comedy chaos, insane audience stories, bad dates, and how she turned awkward life moments into stand-up gold. What does Santino think of the gift she brought? Tune in to find out. No whiskey this time just unfiltered honesty and nonstop laughs. 🎤 See Elle Orlando live: https://punchup.live/elleorlando In this episode: • How Elle went from open mics to viral clips overnight • The wildest crowd she’s ever dealt with • Santino and Elle trade stories about bombing, bad gigs, and weird fans • Why comedians might be the most honest (and insane) people alive 💬 Drop a comment — who’s your favorite up-and-coming comic right now? Check her out on tour! https://punchup.live/elleorlando #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #ElleOrlando #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #FunnyPodcast #Comedians #PodcastClips #FemaleComedian #TikTokComedy ======================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT https://hims.com/whiskey ======================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey, Ginger fans. Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, and I am on tour. Right now this weekend, this very present moment, I'm in San Francisco. All sold out this weekend. Thank you, San Francisco. Next week, I'm in Brea, Brea, California. Where are you? Come out and see your boy. Tempe Improv. I go return to ASU. Hammond, Indiana, right before Thanksgiving. Then in the new year, I'm at Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Borgata, and Atlantic City, New Jersey. then San Diego, then Canyonville, Oregon, and of course I end this little jaunt in Vegas at the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas in March. So come see me, go to Andrewsantino.com with those tickets, it's Andrews Santino.com. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.

You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You want me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger.

All right, we're ready. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people. I know that I say that for all my guess, but I mean once again today. It's El Orlando. El Orlando. Which is not your real name.

Everybody knows. Your name is L. Schoenfieldenstein. But why did you change it? You were afraid? Well, yeah, I mean, with all the Israel and Palestine stuff. Good move. Good move. Good move.

You thought you had to get rid of all that stuff? Yeah, yeah. I just don't want to be connected to anything. That was my first thought was Orlando's not your real name. It is my real name. That's what everyone thinks. But it does feel like a stage name. It is my real name.

It is. I swear. I swear. But it does feel like a stage name. I guess, but it's Italian. Italian. And if you know anything about Italian. If you know about Italian.

You don't know nothing about Italian. Yes, I do. And if you know, if you knew anything about Italian's, you know that. Orlando is Italian? Is it, though? For real? For real, for real. I went to Ellis Island, right? Where my boys came true. And me and my dad went, and we went to find our guy.

And there's so many Orlando's. Really? It's like like Orlando, Orlando. It's a very common name in southern Italy. Orlando. Orlando. Yeah. That sounds Spanish, though.

Orlando. I know. If it's the last name, it's Italian. If it's the first name, it's Spanish. Is that right? That's right. Santino is not really a last name. I don't think we found any Santino.

It's mostly a first name. Santino Corleone, dude, the godfather. I got killed in the Tollbooth. Why is it your last name? Were your relatives Nazis and then they changed it? Yep. That's what I thought. That's what I fucking knew it, dude.

You're just Nazi blood right there. Yeah, just streaming through me, dude. I think the rumor was my grandfather My great-grandfather didn't Understand the forms Because he was dumb And his surname was not With something else

And so they put his first name down as his last name Oh yeah, yeah they do that I think they fucked it up Yeah they're like whatever Your name's retarded Get out of your Guido Just get out of your fucking Guido Whop

And he's like 100% Come on leave you a lot Yeah Because my Irish grandfather was like, Santino. They're like, all right, that's fine. Well, Irish were the lowest on the totem pole. We just talked about that. We were the bottom.

You're so... I'm Irish and Italian. Two of the lows are the low. The worst. That's my dad, Irish and Italian. I think they liked us the least for some reason. I think it's the two worst group of people on the earth combined. So you're a mutant.

It's the best. No, you guys are the most toxic, horrible people. Hoo, who, who, who, who, who. He is, too. He's Irish. And Italian? No. No, just an Irish pig. Yeah, pretty Irish.

Irish is okay. Italian is not great. And, I mean, I'm Italian, but I'm just saying Italians are fucking devils. No, they're not, dude. Don't say that. Most of our listeners are Italian. No, I love Italians. This streams out directly to Milan.

I love Italians, but they're sneaky fuckers. I like this Hulk shirt. That's pretty red. I just noticed that. Thank you. Hulk smash, dude. It's falling apart. part. It kind of looks like you a little bit. You kind of look healthy. Because I'm a big fat

green guy. Thank you. Santino loves to call me fat. I love calling you fat. It's my favorite thing in the world. I said, I said, what should my goal weight be? He said under a hundred. Gotta be. I said otherwise you're a fatso, you fatty fat. I like calling people fat that aren't fat. It's only funny if you're not fat. Do you think so? I think it's way funny if they are fat. No, if they're fat, it's hurtful and rude. It's so mean. I know you do that. wait el will go up to people and pinch their waist and go oh oh oh oh oh oh and then walk away oh no oh have a good night bye bye bye you're gonna finish that eat up piggy i think it is i said that yesterday to a friend it's only funny if someone isn't fat to call them fat yeah but you're kind of

a pussy for that though no dude i think it gets in your head more because you're not fat and i go whatever fat so and then you kind of think about it a little bit more yeah today you said lose lose some weight before you get to this podcast. I said before you show up, can you trim down a little bit? A little bit. Do some push-ups. And I knew you were eating at that moment. You're probably having breakfast and I was like, I don't get in her head. You thought I ate

this morning? That's hilarious. You don't eat in the morning? No, I had a tea. I'm skinny, baby. You got to stay skinny. Put it on record. I'm skinny. Do you not eat breakfast? I just, I'm not into it. I like breakfast food and I can get into it. I can get hungry at any moment. But, yeah, I'm just not into it in the morning.

You don't need first thing when you agree? I'm more... No, I'm more like a lunch guy. You are a lunch dog. I love... Love sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can fuck up a sandwich. So you are fat. And you know what? New York doesn't have the best sandwiches. I love that we're going to do that. I love this, because there's so many people that from New York can be like, what is she talking about?

No, I know. They're going to be like... We got the best sandwiches. The sandwiches we get. But I like, I like, I like a North, like the Midwest has great sandwiches, like a Jimmy John sandwich. You like a J.J's? Of course. Or like a, or like a Mike's, Jersey Mike's. Prop, pot bellies. Oh my God, fuck me up. She's from, she's from Chicago. She's another Midwesterner on this show. Yeah, yeah.

Well, not Midwest. What is it? Shireak. Shirek. That's what she said. Pling, bling, thing. Murder cap. Come get shot. From hardcore from the suburbs of Chicago. From the northern suburbs, the hardest of the core. hardest by six flags we talked about that I love six flags yeah we don't even you know what's so funny is I only call it six flags now because I live in the West Coast but as a kid we only refer to that as great America mm-hmm no one ever said six flags as a kid I said when I moved here they call it six flags there some people say Magic Mountain but I

interchange no see we only said magic we only said Great America when I was a kid I didn't really know Six Flags was a chain it's kind of like Britain and England what do you say it's it's like the same thing oh I think I say trash heap. I think I say shithole. No, we love London, don't we? We had a great time. London is great. I've never been, but I want to go so bad. I love the accents. Well, the best part

about London is, if you go there now, you get to visit Britain and the Middle East at the exact same time. Mom's house. We get to go back to mom's house. We go back to Mommy's house. I like Britain. I think I call it England. I don't say Britain. You say Britain. It never

feels right. I don't know. where Britain comes from. Great Britain. Maybe they only use that word in history or something. Yeah, historically, it's Great Britain. It's Great Britain. But then England. I say that.

If you really want to be a pretentious asshole. You say United Kingdom? Yeah, we just got back from the UK. Oh, UK makes sense. Yeah. But then England. England's so proper. They need to figure it out.

They need to pick one and then tell this. Because I can't do. This is what I do. Every time I talk about England, I say, England, Britain, UK, like, just pick one and we'll go with it. Right, but that's why we're the best. That's why we're number one. Yeah, because we're just USA.

America Forever, dude. America Ferrara forever. America Ferrara forever. Oh, wait, I got you a gift. Did you really? Yes. Give it to me. Okay.

Is it expensive? If it's not, I'm going to be so disappointed. It's kind, in theory, it could be expensive. All right. Okay. Ready? What is it? It's a lime.

Okay. I stole it from someone. This is really disappointing. No, no, no, no. stole it from someone's yard it's a fresh lime oh thank you that's a great gift a fresh lime off of someone's random tree well so here in southern california we get this is everywhere this is in everybody's neighborhood i know but you were just excited because in the neighborhood you saw a lime tree you're like whoa and i stole it and i'm like santino would love this they have a tracker

inside of this i'm sure they know exactly who jacked their lines in my old neighborhood we used to take the um how good is that going to taste it's i'm not going to eat this that's insane what just knowing the earth that this came from that's so good would you eat one of these I have a lime tree on my property do you eat it it's they're so gross they're so bad they're full of bugs think about that yeah you just brought a bug bomb

into my studio think about the think about the dirt that this grew in the soil that this came from is disgusting oh think about that LA pig soil we have pig soil up here this is real no it's very nice I really appreciate this I'll cherish this this will go right in the trash when you leave

I thought it was going to be a heartfelt Didn't you kind of think it was going to be like maybe I was like oh she got something thoughtful That's so heartfelt It's from it's organic And it's disgusting like you So it works out See that's I knew it was a bit for

I thought she's gonna She's gonna have some sort of tie in That it's gross or it's ugly or nasty And that's I knew that was gonna come up You fat ass What you just described you Completely Ugly and gross and natural

And but full of bugs Yeah full of many bugs Have you ever had a bug inside you like a tapeworm or something? I almost one time I had a tick in my hair, uh, uh, in my hair when I was a kid, my mom got it. So otherwise I would have gotten Lyme disease. Ooh, my brother and sister both have Lyme's disease. Do they really? Yeah. Does it do anything to you? I got Lyme disease. You have Lyme's disease? When I was a kid. From a tick? I go to the hospital, yeah. Yeah, it stays with you for life. I mean, we grew up next to a field, so I think that's where

they got it. In the field? In the field, yeah. Guys, please get out of the field. Oh, yeah. I was always in the field riding my four-wheeler. Did you have four-wheeler as a kid? Yes. I have a four-wheeler. And then my grand... And when we go to my grandpa's house, he had a lot of four-wheelers.

See, that's the other part of the Chicago northern suburbs, is they had more land. You guys had land. Well, also, my grandfather, he lives in southern Illinois, so that's more country. Down south, by, what is it, not Peoria, what's the other one down there?

Oh, no, it's way south. It's called West Frankfurt. Oh, so it might as well be Tennessee. It's right above Tennessee. Yeah, might as well be Tennessee. Oh, look, someone knows geography, you little fucking nerd I still

this is why I call you fat dude because you're mean I study maps I like maps oh yeah okay so you're autistic maybe name a place

and I'll tell you where it is on a map okay ooh let me think of I'm really good at this Toulosa Toulosa did I just make that up

I might have just made that up I think you mean Okay. Oh, Rosemary Beach. Rosemary Beach is in Florida. Where? Rosemary Beach is on the Gulf side of Florida, not too far from Clearwater, Tampa. No, way higher up. It's on... Yeah, north of Tampa.

On the Panhandle. Yeah, it's north of Tampa. Okay, well, I didn't know. Yeah, everything's north of Tampa. By the way, guessed it right. All right. Guess it right, didn't I? Did I guess it right? Well, that's kind of a weird question.

Ask me where anything is. I know where it is. That's kind of like, that's an easy. No, that's not true. You don't know. Yeah. Where's Billings? Montana.

Okay, pretty good. What part? Up your ass. See? In the middle. It's in the middle. It is in the middle. No, it's not at all.

It's to the east side. Man, I think. think I do hate you, you fat pig loser. Oh, I hate you so much. You had a coffee this morning and no breakfast? No, I didn't have no coffee. I didn't know, I had no coffee. You don't drink coffee? Not if I can help it. I have to have coffee every fucking day, like a little... I have to, dude, I'm a little brat. That sucks. That sucks. I have to have it. Well, I like it in the morning. You know what it is? You want me to be real? I want you to be real. Lay your cards down. It helps me move in the morning. Okay. If I need to take a shit, I need to drink, I got to get coffee in the

morning all right well I don't I don't know I only drink coffee because society told you you're supposed to yeah I know I think we all kind of do that and I put sugar in it but I don't need coffee to wake up or anything and then when I buy coffee I sip it like I take one sip and then I don't drink the rest of it and then I keep it for days and what you just keep the coffee and then sip it a few more times in the fridge for like a week pretty low maintenance yeah you don't require anything like in the morning No, not really. I mean, I do take Adderall, but I didn't take any today.

Why not? You're fucked. Why didn't you skip today? Why did you skip today? Because, you know, I forgot to take it, which is half the battle of, you know, I just like ADD sometimes I forget. But also for like podcasts, I like to be myself. And I think sometimes Adderall just like focuses me too much. And then I'm not.

You think you're not you when you're on Adderall? I am me, but I'm a more focused me. and I think for a podcast I like to let my brain go free solo. Alex Honnold, right? Yeah. El Capiton. Yeah. And I'm boon, blink, blink, blink, boom.

It's actually probably horrible for podcasts. No, it's good. Every time I think about that guy. Is he still alive? Yeah, dude. He's killing it. He's fucking, but every time I think about that guy in that documentary. Killing everything but himself.

I know. He won't die. He can't die. I hope not. I think about the time in that documentary when that girl was like deeply in love with him, he falls in love in the middle of the documentary. Oh, yeah. And he decides that scaling that mountain is so much more important than love.

Yeah. Which is great, because it's the opposite of, like, every movie you've ever seen, which is, like, this is the most important thing. For sure. And then they realize love supersedes all. But he was like, no, fuck that. I got to climb. And she's like, but I don't want to be with you if you climb. He's like, later.

Later, bitch. And she's still stuck around. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's funny that he legitimately went against every theme that we're taught, which is like, love will prevail. It is the most important thing. Well, that is, not to be a broken record, but it is autism, too. It's choosing rocks over love. He definitely chose rocks over love.

I would sit by the train tracks, counting cars, playing with rocks, realizing rocks over love. What do you think? Rocks over love every day. Rocks are forever. Love is sleeting. I want that on a shirt. Rocks are forever. is fleeting. Have you ever been to those rocks with the president's rocks? Do you remember what

they're called? Yes. What is it? I'm just, do you remember? I'm quizzing you. I've never been to Rushmore. I don't think I have any interest in seeing that. Me neither. I would, I would have a lot of interest in destroying it. You want to break it down. You want to put up your own picture up there. Nah, I could. Who's on your Mount Rushmore of people? People. Oh, okay. So, I would. So I I know for sure, Angelina Jolie, huge fan, love her to death. I know she would hate my ass,

but I love her someone. Why would she hate you? She would hate me. Because Angelina Jolie is this beautiful, very intelligent, earnest. She's so earnest. She probably doesn't like jokes too much.

You think fucking around and make her uncomfortable? It's not uncomfortable, but I don't think, I think I would say something about something, and then she'd be like, ah, that's kind of mean.

Because she's pretty progressive and not even progressive but you know she's just earnest she like cares she's a bleeding heart she's you know she adopts from every country you know like she loves every you can't you can't but is that really who she is or is that a great persona that they've painted for us i mean i would love if she loved jokes but i i don't see it but i'm upset i've been obsessed with her like since i was a kid i was like i just you love a jolly head i love her so much all right who's number two on the rock wall on mount rock mount rock mount i'm gonna have to say brad pitt just kidding i don't so stupid so stupid no not bread pit um i i fuck adam sandler sando's up there that's a good one

yeah i like that he's the man yeah so angeline joly adam samler um Hillary Clinton what is she doing up there I'm just kidding can you imagine she knows all their secrets can you imagine um you have to put me up there i know who's on the list she knows who's on the list i would put put putin up there just in case we get you know attacked it is smart that is make keep your enemies closer yeah putton's up there all right so it's putin joly sandler yeah is there how many four heads four okay i would put a cat for sure i love cats all right so now you're out what that's four oh they just just four yeah you can only put four people up on the rock wall what kind of cat you don't have a cat no but i love cats i think they're great great things you know you like

cats over dogs you're this kind of no i like i like dogs but i just love a cat energy where like they don't want you to rush to them they come to you it's not this whole like i i'll die for you type of energy you're very much a cat yeah yeah you're like you come to me i don't i don't need to impress you yeah and i'm skinny and for now dude yeah that's when i cannot wait till i your comedy career continues, how fat you get? I'm excited to see that. HBO presents the mother mode.

Wait, I would actually love that because then I could do like fat people jokes. That's the best part about being fat you can joke about fat people. And you can't joke about being skinny. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. Yeah, it's almost rude. Wait, what's your Rushmore? My Mount Rushmore? Who's up to, who's at the top?

Yeah, who's at the top? Probably I would say I would probably say my Mount Rushmore of like people of all time cool people of all time Paul Newman Oh he's cool

Ooh I want to change mine It's fucking stone It's heavy they already did it Okay okay fine Paul Newman number one Pretty good choice right one for one right now Yeah And then second would be

Martin Luther King not junior his dad oh yeah why just to throw people off yeah they're like that's Martin Luther King you're like it's Martin Luther King Dr. King but not Dr. King Jr. The original one it's the first one it's one it's one it's the one that beat his kids yeah yeah it's the other one he did not have a dream yeah he couldn't sleep he was riddled with anxiety and then number three would be um AOC Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Is that her name? Do I say her name right?

AOC, no, I'm kidding. Not AOC. I just wanted to put something in there and shake it up. What's the little girl, the little film? Greta Thunberg. Greta Thunberg, I'd put her up there. The little villain?

Oh my God. She, that girl is crazy. Why would you do this to the people of the... Going to... I would be arrested? Taking a boat to Israel. I'm like, girl, just chill. Cut it out.

Shut up. That's such a... You're on a press twas. right now. And she, by the way, good press for her. She knows what she's doing. I know. If comics had half of the press cleverness that that girl has, we'd all be famous. I think so, too. She's so

good at being like, how can I piss people off and get attention? And then they arrest her. They always arrest her. And almost die. Almost die. I was really afraid. Like, I was kind of getting upset. I'm like, she's going to fucking die, and I'm going to be pissed. What if she went to, what's it called? Easter Island? Isn't that the one

where they killed the religious people? Oh. Oh. What's the one where they go? Those religious people would go. It's called Easter Island. I thought it was called Easter Island. Am I tripping? That's where the big heads are. Oh, that's Easter Island, that's cool. What's the one? North Sentinel Island, that's the one.

The untouched people. And they killed the religious people that came. They speared them to death. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, when they came on the boat. These people came like a religious group where like, we're going to introduce them to Jesus Christ to this like land of very undeveloped, they don't want influence from, you know, the modern world. They're uncontacted.

Uncontacted. And these people came. They were like, we're going to tell you about Jesus. And they fucking murdered them on site. Isn't that awesome? They murdered them on site. They were like, fuck you. And speared them to death.

I mean, they, didn't they capture them? They, like, spear drones or helicopters if they come too close. Yeah, people try to send stuff over there. They'll immediately die because they're not, their disease, we'll kill them with diseases. Like, unintentionally. Yeah, if we do get there, we will kill them because they're not used to our bacteria. It's not good. Oh, that's hilarious.

We wanted to tell you about Lord and Caesar and James Cross and just. Immediately, but no guns, dude. Just old school. Killing you the old way, slow and, and. Oh, fuck. Spear would be tough. Just right through your. Oh, fuck.

And you're like, Jesus. Help me. Help me. And then you have to, you have to dislodge a spear through your. body? Do you think you could live if you dislodged a spear? You probably live longer if you keep it in there, they say. Oh, yeah, that's right. You don't want to take anything out. Or would you push it more through and then turn around and try to stab people with it? That's pretty cool. See, you are a war, you're a wartime person. You make a little kebab out of yourself. A kebab killing? He's

running out. Spear sticking out. Murder suey kebab. Murder suey kebab. Mmm. Delicious. What's the worst way to die For you I think If I was going to go What's the worst way to go? You know I would say

Lit on fire Your fire is bad Drowning for me Like that would be fun for you Because you're Satan You probably don't burn Because of the ginger stuff Mm-hmm

Hmm mm-hmm Fire was good for you Because you're a witch And they should have burnt you years ago Drowning to me the scariest thing in the world. Really? Water is so fucking gross to die in.

Really? Yeah, because... You don't say. Because wet dead? Wet dead is weird. I don't like being wet. I don't want to die wet. Like I've talked about this.

I've said this before that I get a little bit of panic every time I check into a hotel. Then I'm like, please don't die in the shower and the hotel. The shower? People slip and die all the time in showers and stuff. In tubs? Well, yeah, grandpa's. You think you're a fucking grandpa?

but you don't trust yourself to just stand? If I'm in a quick shower, I've got to run, I'm on the go, and I slip, whoop, bumping, get my head, and I die in a fucking holiday inn. That would be funny. I do, I have said this before. This is very, this is gross, but if I did die in a hotel, like,

it's got to be a five-star hotel. Yeah, for sure. I'd be so bummed if I die in a fucking three-star hotel. Disgusting. When I'm on, like, a gig run, and they're like, all we have in town is, you know, like, a holiday in express, and I'm like, don't die in here, man.

No, no, you want to die with, like, luxury. around you yeah because you know like that because you know they'll take better care of you when the paramedics show up yeah for sure they go to holiday and they like pull you out by your foot they drag you into the lock yeah yeah yeah she's good i also don't want to die i told a joke about that years ago in montreal that i don't want to die naked that's a huge fear of mine yeah because you're so gross why would you die naked just from shower tub this shower tub stuff shower tub stuff is there any other reason you die naked?

Or if they have to cut your clothes off because you're, you know what I mean? Like if you're trapped in a car and they have like slice you out of your... No! I'm saying if you flip a car and they have to cut your clothes because you're like entangled. Oh shit. They do this a lot. They'll have to cut your clothes off because you're... You keep a sign on your like underwear at all times.

Please don't cut my clothes off. Let me die with a little bit of dignity. Please keep this on. Because I just don't want to die like a naked woman a naked woman regardless of how you feel of your body it's fine if you die naked. No, I don't think so. No, but listen, but a naked man

because our little penis and our balls and it's just, it's sad for the... It's funny. Huh? Funny. It's funny. That's what I mean. It's sad they see your little penis and your little balls and you're dead and you're dead and your little penis is out. And it's like, it's like that.

Yeah, it's like falling over your nuts. It's wrapped over your sack. It's just like, it's weird. In here. We pour whiskey, whiskey. Hey, a lot of men in the United States experience ED. It's more common than you think, all right? And it's kind of a bummer.

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which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality prescription requires the website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Ginger. I like genders. There was a guy in Kentucky two years ago who died in a motel shower because the temperatures reached 150 degrees Fahrenheit. It burned him to death? It burned him to death.

What are you taking in such a hot shower? Well, dude, it's a long day. I mean, that hot of a shower, just relax. Maybe he needed it. No, but it got up to 150 on accident. He probably... Yeah. And then burn victims, I'm like, oh, fuck, you know, it doesn't, it doesn't grow back.

It does. They can skin graft now. Oh, yeah, they can skin graft, but it doesn't always look the same. It doesn't look the same, but, but I still think water death, dude. What about the people that get killed by chimps? They rip their face off, like that woman whose face got ripped off. I have a bit about this lady, but she is... The chimp lady?

Yeah, she's iconic. Chimp crazy, that one? Oh, no, not that one. No, the lady I'm talking about, happened. Well, she's in the chimp crazy documentary, but it happened like 20 years ago or whatever in Connecticut. They had a chip named Travis. Oh, right.

I remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he ripped. It wasn't even her chimp. It was her friend's chimp. And then she was coming over to bring the chimp an Elmo, like little Elmo, and the chimp saw her ramp her ripped her face off. And I really, I, I, crazy they rip our face off.

I know. And the fact that they can is insane. It's awesome. Like, I've really, like, researched, like, what is this ripping? And they literally are just so strong. They take your skin and they rip it. It's fucking awesome. And it's insane that people go, I want that as a pet.

I want that inside. In my house. And I want to talk to it and play with it. Yeah, and that's an indoor pet. It's an indoor pet. These people that have, I say this a lot, though, animals for me, unless they're super domesticated, right? Leave them all alone. Yeah leave them all up we learned you want to hear a crazy stat that we learned yesterday

Yes this is gonna fuck you up because we were with a buddy who's from Washington from northern Washington Till 2000 and I should have made you guess he knows till 2004 Beastiality was legal in the state of Washington till two thousand and four and you know what the rule was the animal has to be bigger than you That's that's you would think it's the opposite of the rule no you animal has to be bigger than you for them to justify having sex or else it's abuse. Yeah. That's crazy. Isn't that

insane? What kind of animals were they having sex? Well, this guy got killed by a horse. Oh, it's the horse. 2006? 2006! Oh my God! It was even no, my God. 2006. He had sex with the horse that killed him. And then finally the state of Washington was like, enough. That's enough.

No more. You've lost your horse privileges. The horse privileges are gone. Are gone. Are gone. He's saying, I mean, it's masochistic to want a fucking horse penis inside of you. Inside your ass? I know. I know.

You can't just hook up with a black guy? You need a horse. Like, you need a horse? Yeah, I mean, you know what? He probably got something from the horse that humans can't give him. Like... There was a level of conversation he was able to have the horse. Like a heavy buck.

Just a big buck. Like, yeah. I don't... We talked about this, though, but I did say it's disgusting. It's illegal. We're probably got to have a blank part of that out for YouTube because we'll get flagged. But you got to flag the B word. The butt? No, you can't say Beastiality. There it goes again. They'll flag it. They'll flag us. Say Schmeistiality. Yeah. So Schmeistiality was legal in Washington until 06. But I will say, I would imagine the in-cell I might do a public mass shooting is probably the guy who wants to have sex with animals. And you're like, well, I'd rather that than kill a bunch of people. So that's the, let him do that if he's not going to kill a bunch of random people. Yeah, let him choose.

Do you want to have sex with a buffalo or kill a bunch of people? Like that? Is that what you're saying? No, no, no, don't give them the option to kill people. No, I'm saying they probably are like, I'm either going to, they're like, I'm either going to shoot up a mall or I'm going to have sex with animals. And you're like, please go to the animals. Yeah, your only option is the animals. Yeah, that is.

Yeah. Get them away from doing mass shootings. But they want to shoot something. how is having sex with something a substitute for shooting? It might calm them down. I don't know, but it might calm them down. Why don't you just give them a bunch of deer and be like, okay, open fire on the deer? Because eventually he's going to want to have sex with something.

That's true. Maybe sex, maybe what we're saying is sex is the root cause of shootings. Kind of, yeah, or the lack thereof. The lack thereof, so you could have the best sex with the best horse. The robots need to speed up. We need it. Japan needs to get these completely Autonomous machine sex partners ready to go. I wonder how big like is a horse penis like this big or? You've never seen one and you never seen one on the internet I guess you have oh my god. They're unbelievable but like I mean yeah, you've seen it you've seen it in real I've seen one in real life

But like in terms of like sizes is like this big like I can't it's unbelievable how can that enter a human you're oddly curious about it I because it's you're That's huge. I can't believe people... Is this something you're interested in now? No. You want to tell us something on the show? Now streaming on Paramount Plus. It's the epic return of mayor of Kingstown.

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Yep, it's the most powerful iPhone ever, plus more peace of mind with your bill over five years. This is big. Get the new iPhone 17 Pro at tellus.com slash iPhone 17 Pro on select plans, conditions and exclusions apply. no I mean I haven't had

I haven't had sex with a horse I've been seeing one but we have never I haven't had sex with one not yet no but we've gone a couple dates why are horses unnecessarily sexy just respectfully

all animals are unsecret no animals are sexy a horse they have muscles they're silky chill put some clothes on sounds like you want to talk to about something

Sounds like something's been brewing Nuh, I'm just saying Horses freak me out, I hate horses I load them I don't hate them But they don't connect with me We don't connect with each other They're beautiful, you're like

I don't know I think they are pretty But like You know the people who are like I am one with the horse Yeah, they connect I'm not A horse

Well you can't even connect with people Let alone horses So this is a big struggle You can't connect with any sort of Live being So I'm yes I'm very autistic No, you're not.

You're not. I'm not. People, I don't know why. Do people think you're autistic? People have asked, and I'm like, I'm not going to find out. I'm the only person on earth that doesn't want to know. No, don't go. I'm not.

Yeah. I'm not. And I don't think I, I think white people think I'm autistic is because if I don't. White people or why people? Why people? I think you said white people think I'm autistic. Sorry. Why people?

Sorry. You're just, white people are just always on your mind. Because you're a Nazi. God, dude. Stop telling my secrets on my show. I thought you, he heard white people too. I thought you said white people think I'm autistic.

Because black people are like, that white bitch is weird. No, black people love me. Black people love me. No, they don't. They're like, that weird girl is cool. Look at that little weird-ass white bitch. No, I think I'm just like very particular and I don't, like, if I see you,

a lot of people get upset, think when I see them and I don't smile. But I'm like, if there's no reason for me to smile, like if I'm not, if we're not friends and you're just like a person, why would I smile when I see you? You're not a smiley person. I smile when I see people I like. Right, but I don't think, I don't, you don't come across as like, uh, hey, what's up?

You're not that kind of person. No, and people will get mad at me. They'll be like, what's wrong? I'm like, I, there's no reason for me to be smiling right now. The day is shit. The day. No, I have a good, I'm very optimistic. I love, I'm very...

You can't even say the word you don't believe in it so much. I am optimistic. I'm a positive person. I like people. I just like the people that I like and nobody else. Do you really feel that way? Because I don't think I'm optimistic. I don't think I'm pessimistic.

I'm a positive person. I think I'm a realist. I do think I just kind of see things for what they are. I do, and I believe in, like, hope and things can happen and magic and ghosts. You do, you believe in all this. yes you believe yes but of course

you have a high level of hope yeah I think so is your initial reaction that things are gonna work out for the better yeah for sure you truly believe that yeah that's good

yeah and like everything even when bad things happen it's good because it means there's something better coming do you really believe this or is this really yeah

I don't think when bad things happen good things are coming I think sometimes bad things just happen at random and they're just bad yeah but the earth there is balance there's good and evil

but if you're only experiencing negative, then how does the other side... When does the other side come up? Then, boy, is something big... Something good, so big is coming your way. Do you know what I mean? You go with all the starving people

all over the world. Something big is coming. It's not a package of food, but it is coming. It's going to be huge. Wait, you see it. That's Trump. It's going to be huge. I know you're dying of slow death now,

but it's going to be huge. Do you believe in the afterlife? Because I could see you haunting people. For sure. I mean, I don't know. I don't believe there's nothing. I'm not like an atheist. by any means, I believe, in

like God, universe, something. I mean, I think it is science. You know, matter doesn't disappear. You can't destroy it. And we are all made up of matter. So if it can't be destroyed,

it goes somewhere, but I don't know where it goes. Where would you like it to go? I fucking knew it was coming. I was like, I was never going to answer this, honestly. As I said it, I was like, she's going to say something, rude. She's going to, yeah. Where do you think it goes?

in your mom's mouth where do you think energy goes where do you want it to go then where would you prefer it to go um I don't know just somewhere like your energy when you die hopefully soon when you go where does your energy go um into the ether

so into nothingness no not not per se I mean I don't really know I mean maybe there is some sort of like weird energetic heaven but maybe you know reincarnation's real maybe come back. So my mom believes in this, like, big, my mom, my whole life has believed in this. And my mom is not

someone who's like, a woo-woo. She's not a woo-woo or a whimsy person. She's not, not really. She's kind of straight. I mean, she's a dumb cunt, but like she's not. Stop, so, so, stop. Ow, oh, ow. Talk bad about my mom. Did you get limed all day on my show? Give me back my fucking lime now. Rape, rape, right. Um, my mom never believed in woo-woo stuff, but then she did, she has said to me very clearly. She's like, I definitely believe that we come back as other things. And then we just remember it well you can't remember it's not you anymore but I think there are signs oh you do I mean this is something my I had an old core core worker an old co-worker say this to me and I thought it was really creepy but I had what was the

job first of all I was a web developer I had no business being a web developer like running like programming yeah okay so I now I just need the context of so what did this creepy person say so I don't she said I one day I wore a turtleneck and I never wear turtlenecks because they make me feel claustrophobic. Yeah. And I could never wear chokers or like anything around my neck because it like makes me feel like

I'm going to die. And then my coworker was like, oh, you should wear more turtlenecks because you look good in them. And I told them I can't because claustrophobic, I feel like I'm going to die. And she said, oh, that's because in a past life you got your head chopped off. Okay, this is not real. Or you were hung or something. And I'm like, oh my God, is it? Because

other girls, like they can wear chokers all day every day. I can't even wear like a necklace that's like way too close around my neck. It makes you feel uncomfortable. It just makes me feel like, yeah, like claustrophobic is the word. Like I can't breathe. You did probably get your head cut off at some point. I could see you being a woman in the past that mouthed off too much and so they chopped her head off. He he. Yeah. What were you in a past life? This town square is stupid. Off with her head. Yeah. What was I in a past life? A beaver. dude if you want to start let's do it

you want to be mean to each other let's do it we can do it nice no no no no no nice no no no no no I'm sorry I'm sorry you know what I was I was probably sometimes I get something that was maybe that's the water maybe cold and wet like something that lived low

in the ocean that's why you don't want to die in the water so you already did I have a intense fear of like like one of those flat fish that only have a face on one aside no no the one that like can burrow into the sand and like look like it's the sand

yeah that's what I think I was before I could see that hiding in plain sight yeah yeah hiding in plain sight that would be a natural transition to ginger yeah because now you can't get now you can't not see me exactly right

this is my curse for for getting so much I love gingers my first boyfriend was a ginger you say that you don't have to say that just to be nice because you made a mean comment about us. I'm not. My only serious...

Your first boyfriend was a ginger? My only serious relationship in my life for five years. Flaming Ginger. How old were you? This was when you were a kid, your first love? Like a teenager? When I was six. No, no, when I was... I think we started dating when I was 21.

And he was the same age? Year older. College? We actually met in high school, but we didn't start dating until I was in college. Where'd you go to school? Libertyville. Elville. I don't know what that is. It's a suburb in Chicago, you dumb idiot.

Yeah, but they have a school there? I don't know they have a school there. Libertyville University. Oh, no, no, high school. I was talking about high school. Oh, I meant, would you go to college? Oh, Indian. Fuck you, Dick.

See? I don't listen when you talk. I'm sorry. You don't. She doesn't. Indiana University. Indiana University. Go Hoosures.

Go. Were you in a sorority? What? You were. What sorority were you in? I was only because all these bitches told me I was too weird to be in one, and so I rushed because I was like, fuck you guys,

and I, it was so easy to get in a sorority. I'm going to guess which one you were. Okay, as if you know. Guess. Delta Kappa. What? No.

Or Delta Gamma. None of this makes sense. Alpha fee. All for free? Oh, yeah. That's what they used to say. All for free. Yeah.

The biggest sleuths on campus, that is. Literally. Jesus Christ. Come on in. Everyone else is already here. Jesus Christ did I run through that town. but you burned

through Indiana I burned through that city god damn but it was fun I mean holy shit no no what is it called

Bloomington it's Bloomington right yeah it's Bloomington I mean Indiana was the first like I was never really attracted to any of the guys in high school

and I was just like no no they weren't attracted to you as well here comes L run run run where are you guys going Literally, literally, with braces, where are you guys going?

She's dripping food again. It's falling out of your phone. So high school was a no-go, and then college you were like, I'm going to be different. I'm going to date boys. College I started to get hot, and then, oh, my God, they were just the hottest guys in college, and I was like, Jesus Christ, you guys. So you like the sorority lifestyle? Yeah, because, you know what, when I was younger, I saw American Pie. That movie.

It's a good movie. It's a great movie. And it showed me what I wanted in life, which was to have a fucking crazy college experience. You did? Yeah, I wanted to mud wrestle. I wouldn't fucking get drunk. I wanted to party. I want to do all that bullshit.

And I did it all. And it was so fun. And you regret none of it. I regret none of it. I mean, was it a huge waste of time? Yeah. 100%. 100%.

But I did, you know, I made friends that I'm friends with today still, like four girls. like I'm those are my best friends and I've they were in the sorority yeah Tori is one Kelly Kelly is my best friend from home yeah and Sarah not Sarah Kelly you know when we Aaron no Molly no I'm just guessing Midwest girl names but me and Kelly we're friends from home but we became friends on 9-11 yeah it wasn't big day for you guys yeah it wasn't bad for everyone you guys are each like the towers Say what? You're Tower 1, she's Tower 2?

Exactly. How did you become friends on 9-11? Because we were in second grade at the time, and her father... Second grade? I forget how much... You're so old. Dude, second fucking grade. I'm just a little girl. Well, you were fucking what during 9-11?

I was 2. 2 years old? Jesus Christ. Yeah, her dad was doing... I was in high school during 9-11, Billy. High school, Billy? High school, Billy. High school, Billy.

Oh, yeah. I was in high school. Yeah. 39-11. That's insane. You were in second fucking group. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, her dad was, like, he's a landscaper, and he was doing our yard, our yard. And then... He was like, somebody's going to have to clean up all that mess.

Yes. And everyone thought Chicago was going to be next. So then he asked my mom if she could pick her, like, his kid up, and then we became friends. Dude, you know how funny this is, that we did think this way? I don't know why. My mom, because when we left the city, we moved to the suburbs but my mom still kept her job in the city she never quit her job in the city because she kind of still liked going back down which always made me think we should have never moved from the city because i think she really did miss it but she kept her job and she would go downtown every day and when that happened i remember panicking calling my mom's office thinking

what if they hit chicago but that's so self-fulfilling bullshit they were never going to go to chicago such a chicago the fucking john hancock building chicago like i love chicago but but Chicago thinks they're like, they would love to be a part of 9-11. You think those J-Govs are going to fucking attack us? Listen here, terrorists. You think you're going to fucking come in my fucking city? Dude, no fucking way, dude.

Take that stuff to the south side. Take that shit to Beverly, pal. You ain't going to come up here and hit our fucking buildings. Dude, I heard they're going to, that is so many conversations in Chicago. I heard they were going to go after the Sears Tower. They weren't. That's what I heard. You know they were going to bomb Navy Pier?

that was number three on their list. Chicago would make up that we were going to be next. Yeah. They were going to do the bean. I heard they were going to do the bean. Those fucking terrorists, dude, if they fucked up Soldier Field, can you imagine what we would have done? I'd have marched over there myself.

I don't give a fuck about them. Yeah, Chicago did think it was next. I called my mom panicking. Like sad. I was like, are you going to come home? Are you coming? She was like, yeah, we're all going to go for the day. And I thought, what if they do?

Of course they were, why would they ever hit? What would they have hit in Chicago? It's literally in the middle of nowhere. like bumble the fuck uh you know what they could have hit the mercantile exchange that would have been big trading the murk the murk i don't know what that is mercantile exchange okay big trading floor you didn't grow up with any people whose parents were traders no wow i feel like that's definitely northern suburbs that's where all the money is uh you're north of the northern suburbs though you're not even north of the wall well because the good jewish rich suburbs that are up there no juice well you're

well you're above them right we're yeah above uh everyone's family was like pharmaceutical Big Pharma. Right. Big Pharma. Oh, a big Pharma kid. Yeah. Because what is it? Kenneworth, Evanston.

Those are like nice, rich, where the Home Alone house is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's all the nice rich suburb. Those people were all like day traders and all that shit. I mean, Libertyville's like middle class and then there was like like Forest and stuff like that. But my friend's dad was like the CEO of Abbott. The fucking testing company?

Abbott Labs. Abbott Labs is your friend's father was the CEO of that? The COO? The COO. Dude, that's so funny. We had very... The only person I knew that had, like, their dad was, like, had a thing in a company was, my friend Tommy, his dad, or his grandfather started La Preferita.

Do you remember La Preferita? I don't know. Bring this up. It was like, it's, it's, uh, um, it was like salsa and Mexican food... Salza. Canned Mexican food. Refried beans. Refried beans.

Show her La Preferita. You'll remember. this truck, because you've seen this going around the Chicago land. But you'll recognize this immediately. Remember La Preferida? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like, that was the most rich, not even rich, just that was the most like Tommy's dad owns La Preparado. Yeah, whoa, whoa, big, big kid on. Might as well be a billionaire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. La Preferita was a big deal. But you remember seeing those trucks as a kid. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, big deal. Tommy, big deal. Shout to Tommy. I don't know

where he is right now. It was always nice to have rich friends. Well, I don't, he, He wasn't, you know what's funny is they weren't like, they didn't live like I thought you would have lived if you owned a company. Yeah, that's true. Like I had a couple of kids who, I don't know what their parents did, but they had a lot of money and they had a lot of freedom. Like their parents didn't care about what they did. But I don't think their parents were important. They just had money from something. Dude, the neighborhood next to my neighborhood, it's called Nichols and Dimes, but it's like, it should be called millions and billions.

It's like the-Nichols and Dimes? That's a nickname. No, that's the neighborhood name. and it's so rich and everyone there has a has a basketball court in their basement it's insane there's a neighborhood in Illinois called nickels and dimes yeah it's right next to I'm looking this up to call you out on your fucking bullshit um well I guess I don't live there anymore Nichols and dimes subdivision in Libertyville yeah oh my god and my friend used to live there he had the like rich rich kid house and that is crazy I've never heard this in my entire oh my god

but it's like yeah right it's not basketball courts and the basement in the basement of their home yes huge pure chaos it's insane oh that's big for like for where like this area was and even next to libertyville like the high school those homes basketball courts in the basement that was the tell if you were rich if you had basketball in the basement yeah huge court too not just like i knew one guy with a basketball court in his basement my dad knew him he was like the vice president

at Spalding he played in my dad's church basketball league and one time my dad was like this guy's a basketball court in his basement I was like no way he's like

he's the president of Spalding of course he does and I remember going over there was a kid and being like whoa this is fucking but of course the basketball

I think that's probably required they were like when we build your house you gotta have a basketball you gotta have it's huge it's just the space of at all. It's very funny to see. It's very interesting. Were you, were you a bad kid in high

school? Uh, I was just a shitty student. I did drugs and I, and I was bad in school. But that's not a bad kid. Yeah. I just hated school. I hated school. I was so bad. School, well, no, you weren't bad. You just probably just didn't like school. I didn't like school and I was really, like, in terms of how you learn in the classrooms and everything, I'm really bad at it. Testing, really bad. Yeah, well, but also you're dumb. That is a piece of it, too. Yeah, I'm a huge dumb-dum. I have no brains.

I have a peanut for a brain. You have a little tiny peanut brain. Yes. But it's okay. You went to IU. All women do. All women do. Or U.S.

Or U.S. Where is it? I.U. Yeah. Yeah, I U. Because they like that. Also, all women, you think all women are stupid? That's what Elle says?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Sure, it doesn't sound like it. Come on. Clip it. Clip it. No, no, no. All women are super smart, especially me.

See, that sounds even more Fuck you Don't start with me today, dude Because you'll get it, you fat fuck I like the red socks Those are cool Oh, thank you That's very cool

Did you not have other socks Was that all you brought Was red socks for this L.A. trip? Why? What do you mean? I'm just wearing them today. They're new. I've only seen you in red socks Really? Yeah Huh

Let's get you some new socks Okay These are not my own I've been wearing black socks I thought I was wearing You noticed my socks Jesus Christ. Yeah, Red Sox.

I'm making this up as I go. But I am a little autistic. I do notice things a lot. I do have a keen sense of like I see a lot of things around me that other people. I'll go, do you see that? And I'll go, no. And then I think, why do I see that stuff and no one sees that stuff? Like ghosts?

Yeah, like people from my past who are dead. Yeah. Popping up in my. Yeah. Just haunting me over and over. I mean, I don't know. Maybe you're just aware of your surroundings. Self-aware?

Would you call yourself self-aware? Self-hating. Self-hating? What do you hate about yourself the most? Let's do this. This is fun. What do I hate about myself the most? A lot of times maybe I feel like I don't need to be as people-pleasing.

Like, why do I have to, like, make sure that everybody is okay? That's it? I hate that. It's not a reverse engineered. I mean, like, sometimes I care too much to make sure that other people are happy, and I'm not making myself as happy. Oh, okay. Where it's like, but it's, but it's like an addiction.

Where I'm like, uh, I have to make sure that I text them back or they'll be like upset at me or I have to make sure that I make sure I, or if like plans change and I feel like genuinely guilty. I'm like, hey, sorry, it's not going to work out. And then they like, that panic pushed me into feeling really bad about it. Okay, so the thing you hate about yourself the most is that you're a pussy? what do you hate about yourself other than the way you look what do you hate about yourself other than your lack of you know that I can't I hate that I'm afraid to be myself immediately I think it's it's the most frustrating thing like I love who I am but it takes a lot

for me to be myself with strangers and you know those people that you're guarded yeah there's like a wall that I can't get past that I try to get past and when I try it feels like I'm acting how I think I would act I'm not just actually being myself but you know you meet people who are like you meet them and you know this is a hundred percent themselves and they don't really care and like that's what Bobby has that Bobby is him all the time I'm so jealous of that I guess it's kind of the same I'm not kidding it's kind of the same thing where like I feel like I want to make sure that everything is all good so I'm I'm overthinking a lot of the time of like if I do meet someone for the first time or it is a first oppression or I'm like Bobby made fun of me because I met somebody that he was hanging out with and he's like why are you so fucking inquisitive? And I was like because I didn't, I wanted her to think

that I'm being welcoming. But then he made me feel bad about it. But did you like that person? I didn't know. I was just trying to be polite. Yeah, that's not bad. No, but it's fake Midwest shit. It is true. We should be more like honest. I don't fucking why do I care so much if she likes the situation? What the fuck gives it?

That's the people pleasing thing that I don't like. And I'll break myself up and get upset and mad about it if I'm not, if people in my world, I feel like I've let them, or they're not satisfied. Then I get angry. Then I'm like, well, sorry we didn't fucking have it. Yeah. Sorry, we didn't have fucking the exact thing that you wanted. You know what? I watched Curb for the first time in my life recently.

You never saw Curb before? Never saw Curb because everyone, listen, I can't watch something if everyone's up my ass about it. They have everyone in my whole life is like, you got to watch Curb, got to watch Curb. You do. It's one of the best shows ever. I know I know that and but even I think I watched it in the perfect time of my life because it gave me so much confidence to just be an asshole and like will be myself you are an asshole which is an asshole yeah and be okay with that and it's like it's okay if people read you wrong or if they take something the wrong way that's okay because you have good intentions you know I'm not not trying to be an asshole but sometimes that's just what it is yeah but this this and I'm going to make a point because we talked about this literally before the show this is dependent upon your physicality what do you mean you're a tiny little person hey you are no clip it no don't please don't she's a fat fat fat fuck no no no fat gross fuck loser pig but you're a tiny

person right you're like a little blonde girl that's not threatening so we talked about this so if i come if i say some i'm like a a big red person fat i'm a big red person so when i say something if it comes mean, it comes with this energy and this body. So then people are like what's his fucking problem? Shut up, you dumb bitch. What's his I know. What's his fat fuck? No, but am I wrong on this? We talked about this.

Like the reason that Bobby says wild shitty gets away, he's a little fat, short, sweet boy. Make more noise. God damn it. You're fired. No, but Bobby's a little fat, sweet, not fat anymore. Now he's in great change. I would say Bobby, I've never met him except right before this podcast where he opened to the door

for me and we didn't meet, but I had to be so so I couldn't say hi, but I, I, I, I feel like I would be more afraid of Bobby than you. That's not true. It is true. If I said something, if he says something mean to somebody, he gets away with it. If I say something mean, immediately people go, he means it. Bobby would could literally look at you and be like, you, and you've never met him. Yeah, never met him besides.

And he would be like, oh, your hair is fucking gross. You would laugh at that. But if I said that to you and we had never met before, you'd be like, what's his fucking problem? It's true. It comes with the physical territory. That guy, he says wild shit to people all the time. And they go, dude, Bobby was so funny. He was like so mean to me.

But if I do that, even a little bit to someone in public, if I'm like, what's up with that? They're like, well, he was kind of a dick. Yeah, but it's the physicality. It's the same thing with comedy. We've said this. Then allow yourself to be a dick. But it depends on how it sounds coming out of your face. I will agree, but also disagree because there's a lot of people who think I'm a bitch.

You are a fucking bitch. I know, but with, you know, my cuteness and how small and, tiny and adorable I am and all. They're like, what the fuck is up with that girl? And I'm like, I'm sorry I didn't say hi to you with enough enthusiasm, but I don't give a shit. I think you're cold maybe. A hundred percent.

But I'm actually a golden retriever level of warm. Right, you're a fucking idiot who likes balls in their mouth. You're a dumb idiot who sheds. Who told you that? Who told you? That was a secret. Everybody at Indiana University, the whole campus. L-O-L. You know what dumb dog you can pump over

at a alpha fee. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. But what was I saying? I forgot. I don't know.

No, but it depends on your stature. The way people perceive you also has a lot to do with the way you look and the way you carry yourself. Yeah, I guess. So you're not threatening. I want to be threatening to. But you're not, dude. You're a tiny... Well, that's what you think.

Yeah, you're not a tough... People are threatened. You said tough. You say tough shit to me, and I'm always like, yeah, right, dude, get the fuck. I am. Tough. Whoa. See, even the way she says that.

I am tough. I'm the biggest boy at school. I am. Well, my friend, Steph was saying that the biggest, you know, secret of you, of me is that I'm actually very lovable and very kind and just a gooey, gooey gum job. You are a kind person. You are. But I put on a mean front. It's guarded because of all the trauma you experienced when you were a kid.

No. Maybe. Maybe. No, I don't, I think, I think I just, no, I just don't want to be fucked with. Like, it's so easy, especially in comedy for people to fuck with you. I don't want to be fucked with, especially. And on top of that, it's like, you know, comedy's all guys. You look at a guy too long.

You say hi to a guy. They're like, oh, she wants to fuck me. Yeah. Yeah, you, you, and I'm handsy. I like to talk with my hands. You touch a guy, he's like, oh, she wants to fuck me. And so I'm just trying to keep it professional. So you're saying part of the guard is.

to get people to be like, this, I'm not... This is professional, stay away. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not... Oh my God, I can't even tell you how many times I've complimented men. Like, oh, that was funny.

And a guy literally followed me home one time. A comic? Yes, I won't say. Say, isn't it? No, you don't have to. No, but he followed... But we want to know! No, he followed me home

and he bamboozled his way into my... Followed you home as disgusting and so fucking creepy. Well, it followed me home as in, you know, he... He's like, oh, where are you going? and I'm like, oh, back to my neighborhood. And he's like, oh, I'm going to a party near there. Let me.

Ah, this was a right, yeah. Yeah, let me share an Uber. Can I come inside and use the bathroom? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right, right. And then what, do you talk to this person still? No, no, I don't know. But they're around?

They're around. They're around. I know exactly who it is. You do? Yeah, I literally know exactly who it is. How? I know it too. Chris Rock.

It's Chris Rock. You're thinking about him. It's Kevin Hart. It's Kevin Hart. You sneaky. Let me fight you back home and make a move it. We love you, Kevin, who definitely isn't watching the show, and we know you followed El Home, Kevin. Just say it.

Just say it. Come out with it. No, I know what you mean, though. You put up a little bit of a guard to ensure that people don't take you the wrong way. Yeah, I don't want mixed signals. Sure. I just send out straight signals. Which is ironic because you're gay.

Because I'm gay, right. Right. Do you think, okay, honest question. do you think like if you didn't know anything about me lesbian really without a doubt you're not kidding before i met you i really that's what i said i asked our mutual friend john i said she's gay right are you serious oh yeah really i go she's a big old gay fuck no you're you're doing a bit i don't know you're doing a bit we'll find out i'm actually

curious because i no i didn't think you were gay i am who i am but i don't want people not that i think you give gay i think i've confused a couple lesbians in my past by a couple I mean a lot what are they how do you what are like you like you've had a girl come up to you and be like come on and you're like no no I'm not come on yeah women um approached me and at first I was confused because I didn't think they were hitting on me because this is they'll say like oh I like your style and I'm like oh thanks and they're like we should hang out I'm like oh yeah let's hang out so you've been you've been but I didn't know they were hitting them I thought they just wanted to be my friend

like you went to head did you go to hang out and then they tried to hook up and you're like, whoa, no, I'm not, we're friends. We never ended up hanging out, but we were texting. And then when we were texting, they were like, oh, like, you're sexy. And I'm like, you too, girl. And I was like, and then I show my friend. I was like, is this? I don't really call my friend sexy.

So maybe she was just more girly than me. And I asked my friend, and I told her the whole situation, she was like, yeah, she's hitting on you. And she also invited me to like a cabin to go upstate with her. Do it. No, I can't. What's going on up there? Maybe you have fun.

I mean, I've made out with girls in high school for fun. Girlfriends or strangers? My friends who are girls. That are gay or just to test the water? Not even test water, just like you're drunk. I mean, this one girl in high school, like, she just loved making out with me. And at one point, I was like, listen, we got to just chill. She's like, what if we do it naked this time?

Yeah. I was like, hoie, this is fun. I will make out with anyone. I had a stint for a while. where I was really into making out with gay guys. I love making out with gay guys. Wait, but how does that even happen? Out at a gay bar, you mean?

Just California. It'll happen in California. Yeah, you live here long enough, it is going to happen. I went to Coachella and I made out with my gay friend for a while. It's just fun because there's like, you know, they don't want to have sex with you, so it's so, like, there's no pressure. It's just like, and gay guys are great kissers. Well, yeah, because they care. they care and they they care about

well they care about sex and they care about like all that stuff but what's so after you kiss that then what you just you make out with these gay guys and then you keep on dancing you're like yeah we'll just make out again faster the people yeah and then you don't have to like and then you can leave and come back you don't have this guys like where are you going

like I thought we were gonna do something we're gonna hook up yeah we're gonna no it's like and then when I I tried to bring that back to New York and make out with gay guys in New York and they're like no I'm gay It's kind of it gives

So New York gays are stuck up Is what you're saying We have better gays out here You have way better gay Free gays More fun gays More fun gays The gays in New York

They I think it's a status thing They're like We don't want people knowing That I've made out I don't think they want The gay community Knowing that they've made out With a girl

California Better Gays California better gays California better gays California the best gays Hell yeah New York Stuck up gays

Stuck up bitch Yeah, just like, whatever. Make out with me. I'm basically a guy. That's your pitch? Make out with me, dude. Kind of a dude. One time a guy said no, and I'm like, why not? And he's like, I'm gay. I don't think you're attracted. I'm like, you can do it. And he's like, no. I love Brokeback Mountain. I like you bullying gay guys into making out with you is so funny to me.

Have you talked about it on stage? No. You should, because that's so funny. Just the idea is very funny to be like, I bullied gay guys to hook up with me. I was like, come on. I did feel bad for it. it because I was kind of I was like just fucking do it don't be gay you know gay dude kiss me fag what you're doing dude prove to me that you're gay make out with me right now yeah and say yuck afterwards yeah yeah yeah prove yourself a gay bully you're a gay bully I'm a gay bully whatever where am I on this spectrum I'm so I'm so straight I love gay guys

you think you're that straight I am that straight like when two gay men are making out hot You love that. That's hot. I stop so I could take a picture in my mind. Because you love men so much, you think, oh, I don't even care if they're gay. I'm telling you, Brokeback Mountain, there needs to be a sequel. There can't be. Why?

One of them's dead. Yeah, but there can be like another round of two cowboys that go up to the mountain. Okay, who would be your two in the new two? Who's the new two? Who's broke back two? Who is it? Okay. Jacob Allorty.

And it has to be someone hot. Ooh, maybe Tom Hardy. Jacob Allorty Tom Hardy. I actually could see that. But you know, well, Shalomey's the new hot guy. No, we can't do, we can't. You're done with Shally? No, we can't do the lesbian.

I'm sorry, he's a lesbian. You think Timothy Shalami is a lesbian? He's built like a lesbian, looks like a lesbian. And this is coming from you. Listen, if he was in this room right now, I'd say yes. But he just, he's not, I guess he's just not my type. And that's okay. He's not ugly.

I don't want to shame anybody. But yeah, he's beautiful. He's a beautiful boy. He would be do great during the Greek times. Oh, they would have loved him. They would go to a bathhouse with Shalameh. He also already was in a gay movie. What was the gay movie he was in?

The one with Army Hammer and him. Oh, that was a hot movie. What is that? Call me by your name. Call me by your name. I know. I don't think I ever saw that. Did I ever see that?

I don't know. Army Hammer. I don't remember it, though. Call me by my name. Call me by your name. It came out like 2018, I think. No, the last gay movie I saw was Moonlight. That was a long time

ago. Also 2018. Was it the same year? Same year? Maybe a... All the gay shit going on that. That's why we all got COVID. That was the Chinese cursing us for putting out back-to-back banger gay movies. They were like, no more gay movies. That's it. COVID.

Everybody gets COVID. Moonlight was actually 2017. It was. Because that was the same year as La La La Land. Another gay movie. Yeah, for sure. This is a pattern. All these gay movies sweeping. And then finally Hollywood was like, no more gay shit.

Only superheroes, which are gay, but we're quiet about it. But in a different way. Different way, gay. I think we should only make, you know what movies I think, everything should, movies should stop except for Minion's movies. Oh my God. They're so good. Back to Back to Back. So there hasn't been a miss of all the Minion franchise.

There hasn't been a miss. Also Kung Fu Panda. Kung Fu Panda can come and go for me a little bit. it. Say what? Well, my best friend is Korean. It's a little sensitive with us. Oh, shut up. No, it is. He's very... He's very... He doesn't like it? He's against it.

Against it. It's hilarious. Well, they never hired him to do a voice, so it's a... If it's an Asian movie, he's not in it, he fucking hates it. Okay. Well... Which makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. But it is a hilarious movie and a great franchise. But why wouldn't they put him in it? I don't know. Well, they chose Jack Black, which is... A great choice.

A great choice. But he could have been in something in it. I know. He could have. Could have been, like, a duck or something. What? Is that a Chinese joke thing? No. It's hanging in a window.

They're all Chinese animals. They're not all Chinese animals. There's a lion? That's not Chinese. It's Asian. Oh, sorry, not a lion. A tiger? Tigers are Asian.

They can be. They're all over. Yeah, but they're in Asia for the most part. They are absolutely in Asia. Yeah, you're right. There's a panda. Well, panda's a, it's in the title. Yeah.

So that's in there. Okay. And then there's a duck. ducks are international but not this duck this is a Chinese duck this is a Chinese duck and then what are the other animals

oh there's the duck should hang out with I think Angelina Jolie's in this one too she's like a panther your crush I think the ducks the duck should hang out with a bowl of fried rice what were you going to say I was just to say there's the monkey

a viper a mantis these are all international animals monkeys yeah no no monkeys are everywhere. A crane. A preying mantis? Yeah. Those are all over the place.

We have them here in the United States. It was in Mulan, too. And he wasn't in Milan either. We also don't support that film. Oh. But how old was he when Mulan came out? Mulan came out like... Bobby's 54 years old.

Okay. He was plenty old enough to be in fucking Milan. Okay, okay, okay, I didn't know. I didn't know. I'm fighting for my best friend. Okay, yeah, good for you. You're a good friend. You're a good friend.

Good irony. Yeah. I'm a bad friend. Bad friend. Bad friend, good friend. Bad friend, good friend. El. Santino. I fuck you. I hate you. Thank you for the lime. Thank you.

I hope you almost no success in the comedy world. I appreciate that. I hope you fail out very soon. You're very funny. Whoa. You're very funny. You know, I love you. I love it. I had to take it back.

You're very funny. You know, I love you very much. You want to plug any dates? You got any dates coming up? Or just go to your website. Go to your dumb, fucking stupid website. Go to my website. Ooh, but I will be in National. in Chicago in January and those are... Where are you playing in Chicago?

Zanis. Downtown? Old Town? Old Town. Oh, that's the best. That's great. That's great. That's great. That's great. That'll be fun. Zanis and then...

Four shows. Four shows downtown at Zanis. January. Chicago fans, please go see her. She's one of us. She'll be giving out Al's beef at the in between shows. All right.

And then we're in Nashville at Zanies as well. Yeah. Which I fucking love. That's one of my favorite clubs in the world. Shout out to Zanis, Nashville. go to L. Orlando.com

No, it's Punch Up Live slash out of Lalando. Oh, right, you sold it to them, right? Everybody does this now. Punchuplive.com slash L. Orlando, but we can put the link in the description down below so go see her live. A funny human being

and I thank you for coming on the show. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera, you say one word or one phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready. I can't say it. Say it. Bagot.

In here. We pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.