Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

Santino sits down with the Felipe Esparza to talk about growing up night swimming in the projects of east LA, losing his virginity after working a Dodger game and the never ending struggle of trying to get something made in Hollywood. Tour tickets!!! https://andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! AMAZON MUSIC UNLIMITED! Ya like FREE music unlimited? Then get Amazon Music Unlimited NOW 30 days FREE https://www.amazon.com/wg DOOR DASH Get anything your stomach craves and now much more on the Door Dash app in the app store Get 25% off and ZERO delivery fees on your first order use promo WHISKEY BEAR BOTTOM The most comfy shorts and shirts I've ever worn https://bearbottomclothing.com/ promo WHISKEY for FREE shipping now! BETTERHELP - You deserve to feel better Get the help you need today from wherever you are http://betterhelp.com/whiskey for 10% OFF your first month Promo code: Whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. Man, we got a good one. This dude's so funny, man. Felipe Esparza is on the show. He's incredible, man. This dude makes me laugh so hard. He tells some great stories. And he's on the road. I'm on the road.

Come see me. AndrewSantino.com. We added a bunch of dates, man. I'm jumping all over the country. I start off back in October going to San Francisco and Boston. I'm in Boston for my birthday and then San Francisco. And then from there, uh, we're on, we're off to the races, Grand Rapids and Pittsburgh and, uh, Atlanta and Portland and Seattle. And, uh, it's on and on and on and on. You can see the list at andrewsantino.com.

Once again, buy those tickets, come out and see me. Show me some love. The Tito Chito Tour is live, baby. andrewsantino.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.

My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it's Felipe Esparza. What's up, bro? What's up, bro? What's up, fool? I should have said, what's up, bro? What's up, bro? What's up, fool? I should have said, what's up, fool? What's up, fool? That's your podcast. By the way, people need to

check out Felipe Esparza has a podcast called What's Up, Fool? ATC is your guys, right? Yeah, ATC. We're at episode 354. 354. Damn, dude. Did you ever take a break or did you just keep going? We took a break like two weeks.

That's it? That's it. I know. I've been doing this now, what, three years now, and I haven't taken a break yet, but I think I want to soon. You know what I mean? Between doing the road and scheduling has been hard because I'm doing this show and me and Bobby's show, so doing two is tough, man.

Yeah. My wife and I were doing a podcast ourselves too called Enchilada Casserole. But we stopped because it got too much. Why? What do you mean? Like, did it mess up

the relationship? No, it messed up our time. Yeah, yeah, your time together. Do you got kids? I have kids, but they're already adults. Yeah, they're grown.

They're grown. So, but you and your wife, this is always weird to me because, like, my wife's not in the business. Your wife is not in the business or was she in the business before? She's not in the business or was she in the business before? She's not in the business.

She got into the business when I won last coming standing and she started like handling a lot of stuff. Like your manager, or road manager kind of? Kind of like, yeah, road manager

and answering phones and doing the stuff that comedians don't like doing, like getting back at people. Like everything other than doing jokes on stage. But yeah, I was always thinking about that,

about people, like Burt does, you know, him and his wife sometimes do shows together. And I was like, I don't know if I could do it. That'd be so hard. I mean, like, did you want to do that together? Or was she like, we should try? Or perform together? No, do the podcast together.

Oh, we tried. We did it together, but it was mostly talking about us. And we were trying to have a baby at the time. Yeah. So we talked about that stuff, mostly that stuff, and we talked about our miscarriage. She had a miscarriage. Damn, sorry.

Three of them. Three? Yeah. Damn, back to back to back. Yeah. Damn, that sucks, bro. So then we took a break after that. Yeah, you got it.

Yeah, you have to. Are you still trying or no? No, no, she can't no more. She already got her tubes tied and that hysterectomy. Is that what it's called? Yeah, hysterectomy. Yeah, no, she can't no more. She already got her tubes tied. Tubes tied and that hysterectomy. Is that what it's called? Yeah, hysterectomy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have yours tied up? No. You're still shooting. You're out there with bullets. I'm out there, bro. Watch out. I ran into you.

Felipe, let me say this. We don't know each other that well. I know who you are for years and years. I've always thought you were such a funny dude, and we've always kind of crossed paths a little bit, but it's so funny how comics you can keep kind of like,

we see each other, but everyone thinks we all know each other really well. Most of us know of each other, but you don't really get to see people a lot because, you know, everyone's on the road and jumping around, and sometimes we see each other in town, but I saw you. We ran into each other at the airport.

Burbank. Burbank, and I was like I gotta get this I gotta get you on the show especially because also ATC guys have been calling me about coming to do your show and you come to my show and it never worked out but I'm glad this finally worked out usually on the show we have a drink but I know you're sober but you can have one nah I don't want one right now I think this weekend I need to dry out a little bit you're sober for how many years now? Since 2009. Damn.

That's great, man. You got, well, when did you go away? You went away to rehab when you were how old? I went to go rehab when I was 21, 20 years old. Man, so when did you start using? I started smoking pot like 19 years old. Right, so you just partied for like the hardest four, three years? Yeah, for like three years straight.

Yeah, two years. Hard, for like three years straight. Yeah, two years hard, bro. It was good. A good run. You did it right? Yeah. Was that here, where, and you were born, you were born in Mexico. I was born in Mexico.

But when did you move to the States? When I was four. Oh, okay. Four or three years old. I don't remember. I was so little. Because they were, we were moving a lot. Yeah, you moved a lot?

Yeah, so we don't know. Was it, why? Why'd you move a lot? Because you're old man for work or some shit? No, we were, we were moving a lot. Yeah, you moved a lot? Yeah, so we don't know. Was it why? Why'd you move a lot? Because you're old man for work or some shit? No, we were moving. Yeah, we moved like three. I was talking to a friend of mine, and I went to like four elementary schools. Four?

I went to Sheridan Elementary School in Boyle Heights for like a year, kindergarten. That was in real Boyle Heights. That's when we first got to America. Yeah. I don't know what, I was little, but I guess when you come here illegally, you go to a hub,

you know? Yeah, you gotta go where everyone is. I was in Carson, California, and then I waited for my aunt to pick me up, and then we were living in Boyle Heights. Do you remember how you came to America? Yeah. Was it vivid?

Like, do you have any memories from that moment of coming into the States or no? I remember getting caught. You got caught? Yes. Really? What happened? We were not, like, you know, like, going through the bushes or nothing like that, like how they do it right now. Those people are coming all the way from Belize and Honduras.

You know, it's far. Forever, yeah. It's like far as a journey, man. But we were just like, you know, we're just up the gate. But my dad wants to cross the hard way, you know, like, you know, in someone's trunk or crossed over illegally. Right. We went with a man. Like a, what do they call them, like those two?

A coyote. A coyote. A coyote. Yeah. El coyote. Yeah, the coyote. They're the ones that are like the leaders. They know how to like navigate all the landscape.

Right. They have like, wow, they have, and they're all over the country. They're all over the world, different types. What does it cost to hire a coyote to get you across? I don't know, man. I know that for a Chinese person, and I was like, we're talking like 20 years ago or 15 years ago, $35,000. 35 Gs. That's for him coming from China all the way and then making it through Mexico.

What did they do? They put him in a boat. They boat him down there. Man, it sucks. It's like a little weapon, too. Right? Do they have to hide in shipping containers and shit like that? It's tough for them.

Yeah, they hide most in anything. So wait, they come down to what part of Mexico? Like Baja and stuff like that? No, wherever the ships get to Mexico, and they cross through there. Yeah. I don't know if they still do it like that, but I know that much. It was $35,000.

And I know that in the late 80s to come to America from Tijuana, Mexico was five grand. Five grand. Five grand. Damn. That's a lot of money in the 80s, man.

It sucks because those people that come from Asian countries or they come from that area, Europe, it's so expensive that when they come here, they have to work it off. Yeah. You know, they could become the endangered slaves. Yeah, that's terrible, man. I remember my wife, she would read these articles and she read this article about this woman that was living with a Filipino family. And the whole time, they thought it was their nanny. But it was just a relative, you know? Just working off.

Working off the debt to come into the country? Yeah. Damn, that's terrible. That's fucking awful, bro. Like, she just became their maid. She had to, right? Yeah, man. I've talked about this before.

I watched this documentary just about these Cambodians that come over and they work in donut shops because there was this king. The donut king. The donut king, right? Did you see that?

Ted. That was wild. You know what's funny? Now when I go to... I never noticed it then, but in California, we have a lot of donut shops. Yeah, we have too many, bro.

So many. And now when I go to one, I ask them, what's up worst 10? And the way they talk, they're like hating on him. Oh, he live in a garage now. I bet he does, bro. He live in a garage.

Dude, he went to Vegas. I think they said in that documentary one time in Vegas, he spent like 50 grand of a loan. He got from one donut shop, had go back to LA, got another 50 G's and then did it right away within 24 hours. And just right there. The truth of that whole thing was that guy, it's not as much. He was a gambling addict.

Cause I realized he was dog shit at gambling. He lost everything. How I like so many times you're like, bro, give up at some point. You're like, I'm not good at this. Like,

I got to stop giving all this money away. I don't know what it would take for me to be like uh i think this is i think i'm shit at gambling he lost his house and all those franchises and shit we do have too many donut shops i will say after watching that i realized because i'm from chicago we have donut shops not like that though not like this yeah nothing. Over here, I could name them all, you know. Yum-yums. Dunkin's. Winshows. Winshows. Oh, man.

If you guys ever go to Santa Monica Boulevard by LA City College, there's a Winshows that was bought by Russian Armenians. But it's not a Winshows no more. It's called Minchows. Minchows? They flipped the W, now it's the M. Minchows. It's called Minchell's Minchell's? They flipped the W Now it's the M Minchell's It's called Minchell's

My friend My friend My friend That's how they don't get sued by Winchell's My friend, it's Minchell's No, look, look, look Clearly But now like

People come around with An expensive donut But nah, man You gotta get the cheap donut The cheap donuts are the best donuts, man Like when you're on the road You were going to Pittsburgh when I saw you, right?

Were you going to Pittsburgh? Yes, I was in Pittsburgh, Homestead, Pennsylvania. How was that? Did you have fun? It was fun. Did you do the improv, right? Yeah.

I got to do press for the first time in 18 months. Oh, for real? Yeah, the local, was it radio or TV? It was radio. Did you like it? It was fun.

It was the rock and roll station. Yeah. And I never been in a, haven't been in a building like that in a long time. I know, isn't that weird, man? It's so weird, man. We're all talking like normal. Yeah. And I never been in a, haven't been in a building like that in a long time. I know, isn't that weird, man? So weird, man.

We're all talking like normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chopping it up like nothing ever happened. Do the radio stations, though, like, you think we're still going to be doing those?

I don't think so, man. Yeah, you think that's dying out, huh? It looked like a ghost out here talking to them. That's weird, man. Because, I mean, most people are listening

on these things right now. Like, most people podcasting in to listen to where, you know, where people are listening on these things right now. Like, most people podcasting in to listen to where, you know, where comics are going to be coming to town and stuff like that. Like, so many things,

you know, are gone on the radio station. Like, all those people that were bringing food, you know? Yeah, when it was glorious. Yeah. Glorious.

Yeah. People would come in, you know, begging for money. Hey, we're going to have a telethon. A pageant show here. Right, right. For the girls and guys.

Did you do TV? Did you ever do morning TV? Man, yeah. I did a bunch of morning TV, and I hated it, bro. I hated doing TV. I wish you would have dressed up like in costume or did something stupid. Yeah, I never did anything stupid. But then there was no time.

Yeah, because they wake you up at 6 a.m. You got to do one. We got to do TV and radio, and then radio again. I always hated, I didn't mind ever doing radio, because it was always easy. It was usually light, and they were nice, but TV, I hated, man. They didn't want you there.

You were just like a fill-in segment for something that they forgot to do, you know? You're looking at them, they're like cake makeup. Isn't that weird, man? They look robotic. You're looking at them like, you don't know me. You don't know me, bro. But in Miami, when you do TV in Miami, oh, man, all the women that are hot.

Yeah, of course, man. The men, too. The men are hotter than the women sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, it depends. They're all happy. Oh, we're here in Miami with Felipe Esparza. They're looking over from last comic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From 2010. Felipe. Man, when I was watching that, Donut King, and he said that he was pumping gas and he smelled donuts and he tasted it and he wanted to start a business. Who thinks like that, man?

I remember my dad and I, we went to have a pizza somewhere for the first time at Newberry's, JW Newberry's in downtown LA. They had the regular pizza and my dad tasted it.

First thing that came to his mind, you got to get yourself a job at a pizza place where you get free pizzas every day. No business plan, nothing. No, just go to work. How are we going to get yourself a job at a pizza place where you get free pizzas every day. No business plan, nothing. No, just go to work. How are we going to get free pizzas? So I ended up working at Dodger Stadium, and I worked at a pizza hut set.

At Dodger Stadium? Yes. For how long? How long were you there? I worked at Dodger Stadium from 18 years old all the way to 17, all the way to 20. Really? I worked everywhere. I worked everywhere Dodger Stadium Except security and Usher. Did you serve? Well, so did you do the you serve food in the aisles and stuff like that?

I just saw souvenirs. Oh you what'd you say? Souvenirs! Get your Dodger souvenir. We got pennants, Dodger koalas, hats, Dodger bats, pins. Tell me something Did you ever steal? Man, they got me, man. They got you? You know, because we're all kids

and everybody's trying to get a hustle on. Yeah. And I was working souvenirs with men, man, people that were already 25. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. And people that were like, they were wearing their down, their down and out. Yeah. These guys were hustlers, man.

They would pay us cash every night. So they'll give you a list. Felipe, you're going to get five bobbleheads, ten programs, ten pennants, ten teddy bears, ten bats. So you start calling them up. You start checking them off. But every once in a while, they'll win three extra teddy bears, four extra bats, to see if you're honest.

Wow, and you had to be, huh? So I just say, shit, man. Yeah, I didn't know what was in there. Then they go, we got another one. They did, they got you. They put everybody, they got another one, and then you take $10 away from you for the day. That's all they do? Illegally taking your $10.

I was just going to say, is there a way to do a side hustle there that you can get away with it? You think? Yes, because back then it was more the whole, the souvenir stands

were owned by Dodgers. Right. Later on, you know, Disney came in and started selling or Marriott or some other,

some other company. Yeah. So every Sunday, they would give half off everything. Like for the employees to buy. Yes, everything. Right. So we're all standing in line. Give me a Dodger jacket.

They were $80, $40. Right. So then most of these guys would just save up all their money from what they made all week and then buy all this Dodger stuff and then start at the swap meet. 80 bucks, 40. Right. So then most of these guys would just save up all their money from the money they made all week and then buy all this Dodger stuff and then sell it at the swap.

And then flop it, flip it. Wow, that's kind of wild. Every once in a while, one of them would just put inside their little cart and try to sell it during the game.

Would that work? Yeah, that happens. Because you got like popcorn and someone's like, also Dodger jackets. I got a lot of my virginity selling souvenirs. For real? Yeah, man.

Let me hear. Dude, I was just selling souvenirs. Souvenirs! Right? And I wasn't on a good salary. I was horrible. Other people with more seniority, they had like the field level. The good section. Pavilion, where all the kids were. Right, you were like the, you know, like field level. The good section.

Pavilion. Yeah. Where all the kids were. Right. You were. I was in yellow, bro. With all the season ticket holders. Every time I passed by them, it was the same people.

Right. Yeah. They don't want it. They don't want to buy shit from me. So I'm just walking around, man. July 6th, you know. Right. I remember the date.

Of course. And I'm just walking around and there are these two chicks from Huntington Beach white girls they come up to me and they go

hey man what time you get off you're cute blah blah blah you know flirting I'm 18 they're like 24 23

to me they're like cougars you know yeah and every movie I've ever seen, because I grew up in the 80s, you know? Yeah. So every movie I've ever seen, started popping to my head.

I was talking to them, you know, the nasty movies I saw. Right, right. Like Hard Bodies, Porky's. Yeah, Porky's. Glass. So I'm thinking it's on, you know, meatballs. Right.

So I'm thinking it's on, right? I'm not thinking it's on, I'm thinking it's on You know meatballs Right So I'm thinking it's on Right I'm not thinking it's on I'm just nervous Cause I still have My fucking souvenirs You still got the souvenir box Full of shit man

So the girl's all flirting She takes one of my little I have like a little Dodger teddy bear sticker On my hat She takes it off And puts it right on her cheek Then she walks away

She gives me Here's the tickets. Here's our tickets. We're sitting over there. Come back after the show, after the game. So my health, you know, fuck that. I'm going to throw this shit away. Yeah, I'm over it.

I thought I was just throwing it and quitting, you know. I made it. But I went over there, got my 80 bucks cash. Yeah. Sweating. Got my backpack. got my rusty-ass knife. Was the knife from when you walked home? Yeah, I was 16 when I started, so Dodger Stadium is dark after the game. So I would have to walk from Dodger Stadium all the way up the hill and all the way down to Sunset.

And sometimes, you know, Echo Park gang. Yeah, it'd get tough. They'd be right there, man, trying to rob people. Did they ever fuck with you? Oh, no, man. There was a lot of Echo Park gangsters working with me already. Rob was going to say, they're probably there. Yes, I would walk with them, you know.

And then they would go their separate way. Right. So I would always walk with big dudes, you know. Like, if I see a crowd, I pretend I'm with them. Right, just blend in. So, I would always walk with big dudes, you know, like, if I see a crowd, I pretend I'm with them. Right, just blend in?

Yeah, blend in. What are you following us? So, I go back and they give me a ride home, man. I'm passing by my neighborhood.

I've never spent a night, I've never been anywhere before. They took you down to Huntington Beach? All the way to Huntington Beach, Westminster. And you had never been down there. You had only been to East L.A. I've never been to East L.A. I've never been out of East L.A., just downtown L.A. and Santa Monica

Beach and Venice Beach. So, every once in a while, watching those MAGA protests in Huntington Beach, and I said, they are some good people there, eh? There's a couple of white girls that'll fuck you down there, man.

They're not all bad. So wait, they take you down to Huntington Beach and we're here. this girl was like, she must have been going through,

she had just seen some movie called Nine Nine something. I don't know what that is. Nine Nine. It was like the equivalent of, oh man.

Like a horror movie? It was like that movie of, oh, man. Like a horror movie? It was like that movie, 90 Shades of Grey. Oh, 50 Shades of Grey. 50 Shades of Grey, but it was the 80s version. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, man. It was some nasty movie with the dude that was in The Wrestler and Kim Basinger. Oh, yeah.

Nine and a half weeks? Nine and a half weeks? Nine and a half weeks. Nine and a half weeks. Yeah. Nine and a half weeks? I think so. I don't even know. I don't know.

I've never seen the movie. Yeah, me neither. She was just telling me, but it was like blah, blah, blah. Yeah, in one ear, out the other. And the Pet Shop Boys. So she played the whole soundtrack when I was there. Pet Shop Boys played over and over. Yeah.

In a western town, a western town, it was. Eastern town, a western town, a western town, a western town, a western town. So that's embedded in your brain, huh? It's stuck in my head, dude. Right. So I'm just laying there, bro, like, they could have just kidnapped me or assassinated me there. Sure. But you're funny, man. When you're a man, you're

horny, you're not thinking none of that, man. Nope, your brain goes blank. You're not thinking about, what if dudes show up and they have sex with me instead? That's not even on your mind. In a woman's mind, all those things are in her mind. Of course. If there was a woman

in a car with two dudes, she'd be at a Dutch stadium. Oh, dude. But I had none of that in my mind. I didn't think that they were going to kill me or sacrifice me. Maybe they were going to kill me or sacrifice me. Right. Maybe they went to witchcraft, santeria. Santeria.

Remember, they probably had a fucking scavenger hunt, buy a Mexican, you know? Steal a Mexican. Find a Mexican and steal him. Take him to the beach, change his life. Give him a dream. Give him hope. Give him a shower, a haircut, and give him some hope.

Give him something to live for. Give a Mexican a green card. That's so funny, man. Yes, man. Anything. So they take you down haircut, and give him some hope. Give him something to live for. Give a Mexican a green card. That's so funny, man. Yes, man. Anything. So they take you down there, and what is it? Are you just lying in bed? Did they just take you right to the room? No, we go to a living room.

The other one goes to sleep because she didn't want to. I guess she didn't like me in the car. Why? Because you were making fun of her? She would go to a backpack and she'd stab my knife. Oh, my God, he has a knife! Yeah, bitch. I don't know you. I don't know you.

I don't know you. Yeah. Because I live in a tough neighborhood. So she got out because she was over it. She was like, I don't want to be a part of this anymore. Yeah. Did you like one more than the other? No, I don't remember how they looked anymore.

Didn't matter. Yeah. You just knew it was going to happen. So I drank a strawberry margarita for the first time. At their house? Yeah. They blended them up, man. You know?

Like, this chick was like a makeup artist, I think, for movies. Okay. She was already making like $20 an hour back in the late 80s. A lot of money, man. They have a nice place. Do you remember? It was a nice place. Yeah.

So she takes you down there. She blends you up a fucking strawberry margarita. Yeah, so I drink it, and I get buzzed, and I drink it too fast, and I get a brain freeze, and I spill it. And I have this white polar bear carpet. You spill the strawberry margarita? Yeah, it's all red. They stab the polar bear right there.

And she's trying to be cool, you know, because he's bumping into shit and breaking stuff. Yeah. And like They're trying She's trying to be cool You know Cause he bumping into shit And breaking stuff Yeah And um So We're just chilling man And then like We start making out She started putting Peanut butter on my chest man

She went to the guy Kidding Yeah They did that in that movie I guess I don't know what they did In that movie man I've never seen it

But like She put peanut butter And me and goes, oh, man. You know, I was thinking about it. I just put like, just wiped clear of my face that day. You know, I'm still going through puberty, I guess. Old puberty at 18. You're thinking about breaking out again? And I did break out the next day, man.

I had pimples on my chest and I had peanut butter. So the peanut butter part, I was like, what's going on here, man? Yeah. And then she blindfolded me. She's feeding me apples. She's like a full meal and shit? Yeah. She's got peanut butter on her chest and feeding you apples.

Yes. Are you into it at all or you don't give a shit? No, I'm scared, man. You're freaking out. What's going on here? Get the knife. She's feeding me. I had a Dodger dog earlier with nachos.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want that shit. You don't want the peanut butter on the chest. But I remember, I just thought about it right now. I did eat nachos and hot dogs that day. But it was a perfect night because I didn't have gas, bro. You know when a man goes to a place, immediately you got to take a shit.

Yeah. Or you feel uncomfortable. feels uncomfortable None of that Not at all You got lucky Yeah So I'm about to spill something else Or there's something to bother her But we ended up having sex that night

In the living room or in her room? Not at all We had no sex Nothing? Nothing Oh you didn't have sex? Just had peanut butter on me And they made out with me

That's it, huh? My peanut wasn't touched, nothing. Nothing? Nothing. I stepped on a carpet. With a bear? I stepped on a carpet with her, and I think we ended up having sex the next day, and then they dropped me off. Like, the next day, you were like, I got to go back, and then she was like, all right, we'll fuck today.

Yeah, we had sex. Bro, no condom. Were'll fuck today Yeah we had sex And Bro no condom Were you scared? I didn't even I've never had sex You didn't think about it at all And I didn't know Nothing about pulling out

Nothing like that You never Did your dad ever teach you About any of that shit? Did you ever talk to your dad? He never taught me shit man He never talked to you About anything

But that was time It's dumb shit Like hey Don't go swimming After you eat That's actually That's an important rule Yeah that's That's probably more That's an important rule. Yeah, that's probably more,

that's probably more needed than condoms. Yeah, because you get, maybe you get a cramp, you die, you drown. He's right. He didn't teach you anything about that shit.

Did you ever have a close relationship with him at all? Not really. But that day though, that day that I didn't, that day that I, when I was over there

having a good ass time at Huntington Beach, my bruh, somebody, and like, but they were worried about me. when I was over there having a good ass time on Huntington Beach. My brother, somebody, but they were worried about me even though I called home because somebody in the neighborhood

drowned at the city pool. Really? Because they probably went swimming right after they ate. We have a city pool in the Pico Aliso housing projects and it's open from

11 to 5. Yeah. five every day somebody would with boat cutters will bust the lock sure or rip over the rip open the fence and the whole neighborhood will go in swimming like night swimming bro like no lifeguard people are PCP. People are selling dope. People are outside fighting, like gangbanging. Little kids, all of them in inner tooth, barbecuing. It's like mayhem, you know, like when they let the employees have a pool party in Caddy Shack. Right, yeah, exactly. So there was a little boy that was, my little brother was there.

My brother went in. He told me they tried to save a kid there. Two people drowned, a woman and a little boy. And they just, the woman was on PCP, and the kid couldn't find his mommy, I guess. And they both drowned. My brother tried to save those kids that day. Didn't save them. Yeah, man.

So they're telling me this story, and I got to hold back on getting laid that day, you know? Yeah. Like, I had all this energy and all these stories about being with white chicks and how I been over there, and I couldn't tell nobody because they were all sad. The whole neighborhood was just talking about that little boy.

They're like, yeah, somebody died, but I got pussy today. Yes. That's the most important. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on, hold on. Dude. You guys gotta have peanut butter in your chest though. In here, we pour whiskey.

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That's bare, B-E-A-R, like the animal. Bottomclothing.com. Use the code WHISKEY to get free shipping on your first order. barebottom.com. Code WHISKEY. Ginger. I like gingers. And then I was pussy whooped, man.

Yeah, then you were stuck. I had her phone number. She gave me her phone number and... Oh, so you saw her again? Never. Oh, did you try? One time, I tried to go over there. I was like an idiot.

You know, you're young. You don't know these things. You drove down to Huntington. Yeah, I took a bus. Bus. Damn. I took a... Bro, it was a mission.

Because I live in Pico Aliso. That's basically downtown LA. Yeah. So I had to take a bus all the way. First of all, I had to walk to General Hospital and catch that bus all the way to Rosemead. And then Rosemead, that bus took me all the way to Long Beach. And then Long Beach, I had to catch the Orange County, Orange bus, the number one. Yeah. And that took me all the way to Long Beach. And in Long Beach, I had to catch an Orange County, Orange bus,

the number one. And that took me all the way to where she lived on Huntington Beach. How many hours is that? Two. Two hours to get like 40 minutes away. Two. And when I got there, they were not picking up the phone, so my friend and I, we slept in a city park.

You did. Why did your friend come along? Did he think he was just going to be along for the ride of you getting some more pussy? He just wanted to come along, man. He just wanted to come along to see if it's really true. Show me these white bitches. Yes. Show me it's real.

So we were, man, we were hungry, man. It was cold. The last bus left, that's when we were stuck. The last bus left. We went to this park In Hinton Beach And there was like A jungle gym

You know where the kids play Yeah There's like a rocket With two hands And we went We slept in each hand That's fucking wild Wait so

After that You never tried to contact her again You were like She called me once On my birthday And that was it That's it wild Wait so After that You never tried to contact her again You were like She called me once On my birthday And that was it That's it Did she know that

It was your virginity or no? No You didn't tell her? No Well she knows now Whatever her name is You don't remember her name What's her first name?

Nothing Megan Mary Mary I was close man I knew it was Megan, Mary Kelly

Yeah man Then after that I got somebody pregnant. Then the rest is history. The rest is history. Your kids are how old now? They're grown, grown. They're grown, man.

My daughter, she's going to be 31, I think. Wow. I had her when I was in high school. That's wild, man. I have a grandson. You have a grandson? You're a granddad? Yes.

My daughter, I swear, my daughter should have been a 90-day fiance. She missed the boat. Yeah. She met a guy from Sweden. Oh, really? Yes, a guy from Sweden. Wait, how? I have no idea.

He was here in the United States? No. She was over there? She met him through probably Facebook or Instagram. Oh, I never asked. And now he lives here. No, he don't live here. Oh.

She went to go live over there. Oh, really? For about a year. Had a baby. Had a baby. She was showing me pictures of them. They went all over the world. Paris. Wow. Man, a lot of good places. Italy, Rome.

And then she came back here. Yeah, she came back here because she developed breast cancer over there. Damn. Sorry, man. Yeah, it's in her bones. Yeah, she came back here because she developed breast cancer over there. Damn. I'm sorry, man. Yeah, it's in her bones. Oh, it is? Yeah.

So she's a little baldy right now. So she had to come back here? She had to come back here. What did you say? She's baldy? Is that what you said right now? Well, she's bald right now, but her hair's growing back. Do you tease her about that?

No. No. But, you know, it's funny. Like, people say like Oh you're gonna cut your hair About two Hell no Why should I

I'm gonna get her a wig I bought her a nice wig Cause what do they say You show support right Yeah you show support Yeah you know That's gonna show a lot of support Yeah your hair's too nice

Unless you cut your hair And give it to her That would be funny Let her wear your hair as a wig Yeah right So wait I to ask you this The Pico Eliso, when you're on the train Going down, out of downtown

It's right next to the train line, isn't that right? Yeah, but there was no train line back then So it was all buses That was the old bus line Is where the trains are now Because I've taken those trains down there And it's still there though The Pico Eliso is still there, yeah?

Yeah, the Pico Aliso was torn down in like the 1995, 6, 95. But there's something there now, right? Yeah, there's a new housing project. There's a new project, right. But it's not called the Pico Aliso anymore. It's something else. I don't know what it's called. Garcia Lorca.

Is that what it is? I think so. How long were you there for? Is that what it is? I think so. How long were you there for? Man, I was there from, since I was second grade all the way to 22 years old. Damn.

Yeah, man. I remember it was, I had a lot of fun growing up, you know? Like, you know, you get used to the neighborhood. Right. But if you're an outsider, it looks like, hey, man, there's cops everywhere. But I had fun, man. We laughed a lot. There was a lot of funny-ass people I grew up with that are not here no more, but they were funny.

That's the thing about growing up in subsidized housing or what the projects or whatever people want to call it. It's like that's the world that you know. And so you find a lot of people that tend to be i don't know like smart in their own in their own worlds because you have to make something out of nothing right so you it's like when it's like when people go to jail they find great ways to do things that you're like man if you could put this energy towards something else it'd be incredible because you don't have a choice you know what i mean so like when you Getting out of The projects or whatever You got clean first

Yeah Then got Then Then got out Then started doing stand up Right? And then toured For how long until you like

Really started to get some traction? Well I started I came out of rehab And Cause you started Stand up right after rehab Right? Yes

That's right Yeah Started doing open mic At some Hollywood areas You know like The you know, like the Natural Fudge. That's where I met Alonzo Bowden. I love Alonzo. And Jamie Kennedy. Yeah.

Both great dudes. Yeah. And Jay Red, what's his name? The crazy guy, Brian Hoseman. Yeah, Brian. Yeah. Dude, Brian Hoseman wouldn't even do an act. He would just go in there and get mad that he had to wait through all these punk rockers.

Because there was a punk rock band performing, and there were underage kids that would perform. And then while they're taking all their shit off, their guitars and all that, a comedian would walk over them and start performing while they're taking everything down. And then while another band is putting their shit up, another comedian is performing. So when a band is ready to get ready, comedians don't perform until the band does their five-minute sets. What's that called? It was called the Natural Fudge.

Natural Fudge. Where was that at? What part of town? On Fountain. On Fountain. In Hollywood? In Hollywood, right. Now it's called the Fountain Theater.

Oh, I know where that, oh my God, yeah. So that place had little seats like a movie theater. Yeah. And it was the Natural Fudge. I found out later it was called Natural Fudge

because it was a vegan spot. It was vegetarian because the guy would go up after every set to make sure that everybody spent $3 or $5 there. Every comedian had to spend $5. Don't forget, comics, the nut burger is on sale.

And, man, my first time there, I only knew how comedians dress, man. Like based on TV? Yeah. Yeah, so what did you wear? Like, what they could meet? Like, there was a comedian from the 80s

that lived in San Francisco named Mike something, Ricka or Mike Rip, or... Mike, Mike, I'm trying to think. Mike Rocha? No.

No, Mike something. And he had, like, I saw how he dressed and he was wearing, like, the coat with the patch right here. Right, right, right, right. And the tie and the jeans and the tennis shoes.

Is that what you did? Yeah. So I couldn't find the tie. So I went to the thrift store, and I go, I thought it was close enough. And I didn't know what that was. I just put it on. But now I think about it,

I look stupid wearing that. It was a bolo. Oh, it was. I look like Johnny Redcorn's son. But that's so funny that you were like, that's what I need to look like. So you had to go get the exact outfit the dude wore. And then was your first set at the Fudge Room or whatever it is?

That was my first set. Wow. I didn't have no material. What did you use? You went up and riffed? I went up there and riffed. I had like two jokes, but they were kind of weird. Do you remember what they were?

Yeah, because I had seen a movie on video, on DVD, called The Last of the Mohicans. I love The Last of the Mohicans. That's great. I bought The Last of the Mohican Tribe, and they were batting it out. So I stayed out. Wait a minute. I'm going to do the Spanish version of that movie, Last of the Mojados. I bought a bunch of web bags, bat of the Mojados, about a bunch of

wetbacks battling it out in San Diego. It was the immigration tribe, inmigración tribe, you know, stuff like that. Yeah,

that's great. Then I would do some hackier stuff about, like, Romeo and Juliet in the hood. What do you mean?

That's great. That sounds fun, too. Ramona! Throw down my pie, bitch! You know? But it was good. They liked it. Yeah, because what does it mean?

In comedy, it's like, that term hacky, you know what I mean? Like, you hear it, but you can't really dictate what's hacky because even some of your favorite comics of all time did hacky, whatever you want to call that. You know what I mean? You hear it, but you can't really dictate what's hacky because even some of your favorite comics of all time did hacky, whatever you want to call that. You know what I mean? When someone's like, oh, airplane jokes, you're like, if it's good enough, then it's a good fucking joke.

It doesn't matter. It's good enough, man. I remember watching this comedian, and he started off, because it was a hacky joke, but it was not even hacky. It was funny. It was good. Because he was talking about, I'm was a hacky joke, but it was not even hacky. It was funny. It was good. Because he was talking about...

I'm going to murder this joke, but he was talking about how... Do you remember who it was, by the way? Do you know who it was? Yeah, he's famous. He was on that movie. He was in that show. Oh, man.

He hangs around with those two guys from New Zealand. Who are the two dudes from New Zealand? That got so specific, and I thought I was going to get it and I was like, how do you... He used to do a marijuana log with Doug Benson. Well, I know Doug. And Ken Caminiti. Ken Caminiti. Yeah. Wait, who's the guy? And the third guy, he's like

Persian. He's Indian. He's from Canada. Oh, Russell Peters? No, not Russell Peters. He's skinnier than him. I'm not good with names. Wait, wait, who's the skinny Indian from Canada? I have to look it up. Wait, what's the show he used to do? He used to be on...

The Marijuana Logs? No, Marijuana Logs with Cominiti and Doug Benson. All right, I had to look it up. Okay, but keep talking. And he didn't have a show, a trivia pursuit here. He played, he didn't have a show... Arch Barker?

Arch Barker! Yeah. Wait, so you know what's wild? Hilar here. He's played, he's in that show. Arj Barker? Arj Barker. Yeah. Wait, so you know what's wild? Hilarious, man. He moved down there. I heard he moved to New Zealand. He's a god in Australia, right? Australia, I mean, yeah.

And he lived down there full time. Like he went down there on tour, somebody told me, and then he never left. He never came back. Yes, he blew, he was on that show, Flight of the Conchords.

Flight of the Conchords. That's right. When I was on when I was on the Montreal Comedy Festival in 2005 was that your just for last New Faces

yeah New Faces they were the hottest thing that's when they got their show oh after that yeah cause they were they were funny as shit

cause no one no one that I know of from Young Faces got a TV deal cause I was there with Natasha Leggero, Joe Coy, Jasper Red, Jay Larson.

That's a great cast. A great crew. No one got a deal except for those guys. I got signed with UTA. They sent me a couple of auditions that I wasn't ready for, but I tried. What were they?

Nacho Libre. I went for one of the priests. Really? That's great. And when I saw him, when I saw the guy who got the part with Richard from Culture Clash, he murdered it, man. So it was okay. You felt okay about it? Yeah, man. He did it well. He did it well. Because the scene was, I haven't taken a dump since Easter. Right. So I said, you know, I haven't taken a dump since Easter. But that guy, he fucking sold it. I haven't taken a dump since Easter.

Right. Because he's a Mexican dude in Mexico. That's good, though. You have to sell it, man. He killed it. Shout out to Richard from Culture Glass. Shout out. So what? They give you a couple dude in Mexico. That's good, though. You have to sell it, man. He killed it. Shout out to Richard from Culture Glass. Shout out. So what? They give you a couple of auditions.

You're not ready for it, right? And did you stay? Was it kind of a good ascension since then? Or did you have a big dip at some point? Well, I was with them for a good amount of time. And then we separated. Yeah. I went on different routes.

Went on your own route. But, I mean, Did you have a moment Where like After Just for Laughs And you think like Oh okay It's gonna be It's gonna be up and up

And up and up And then that was 2005 And then you got You did Last comic 2010 Right? I did Premium Blend Right after Just for Laughs

So you got that right after that Yeah with Damien Wayans Who was hosting Oh that's great man And I got to go to Amsterdam To shoot They shot it there? No There was a guy in Amsterdam That liked me Damon Wayans was hosting. Oh, that's great, man. And I got to go to Amsterdam.

To shoot? They shot it there? No. There was a guy in Amsterdam that liked me, and he wanted me to do a comedy show in Amsterdam for live TV. Oh, that's great. So I got flown out to Rotterdam. Rotterdam? Rotterdam.

And I did Raymond is late. It was like Raymond is late like it was like the Letterman version in right in Amsterdam

yeah some Trinidadian guy comedian what a dude from Trinidad that lives there yeah he's from Trinidad but he speaks Dutch

I guess Trinidad is a Dutch colony yeah so he speaks Dutch but he's Trinidadian he gave me wine Man

Brandy Man When I was over there Like I did my sets I don't know I had a good set I got paid And when I went outside

I was hanging out Hanging out with These guys A couple of Sikh guys Sikhs Yeah Sikhs And Jamaican

And Dutch Four Dutch guys. And they were not interested in my comedy, but they thought I was funny. They wanted to know more about where I was from. In like Mexico

or California? California. Right. Because they love that Chicano culture. Right. I was so much called Chicano culture,

but they liked the art, the movies that are portrayed Mexicans. Right. I wouldn't so much call it Chicano culture, but they like the art, the movies that portray Mexicans. Right. Like Blood In, Blood Out. Blood In, Blood Out. And American Me. Right. It's like when somebody in California like myself goes to New York for the first time

and the first Italian person they meet, they're going to say, hey man, tell me about the gaffa. Yeah, what do I know? Tell me all about good fellas. Tell me about Tommy. You know? That's how I was.

That's how they were with me. Right. They were quoting blood in, blood out. Right. They want to know everything about it. Give me some chon-chon. They were telling me. Miklo.

I go, did you grow up right there where Miklo lives? Yeah. They go, yeah, but I go Did you grow up right there Where Miklo lives? Yeah They go Yeah but That's where I grew up They want to know Everything about gangs

They want to know How bad South Central is There's a lot of drugs In Hollywood Really They want to know that stuff All the stories They want all the culture stuff

You know like Subculture stuff And you gave it to them I gave it to them man And I was there With a girlfriend of mine. And I don't know. I disappeared, bro.

What do you mean? Like, I was gone. I never went back. Like, I never went back. Like, as soon as I got out, I hung out with those guys. And I went to have dinner. I tried kangaroo. Kangaroo meat?

Yeah. Oh, was it nasty? It was good. It was good? Probably just tastes like chicken. Gamey, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. It was soft. Eat it. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, since you're listening to the show right now, I think it's safe to say that you love podcasts, particularly this one.

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I started drinking. I don't normally drink, but when I do, I do it good. Yeah, you're good at drinking. Yes. Yeah. So she goes, I'm going to go to the hotel room. All right, I'm going to go drink downstairs. Yeah.

And I have a drink downstairs. And I leave the hotel and I just start, man, I stumbled into a, um, a bar with nothing but,

um, black people. Like African Americans but they were Dutch, I don't know what you call them, African Dutch Americans. Dutch African Americans. Dutch African Americans.

Dutch Africans. Yeah. But they were all, man, I go in there and I'm already buzzed and they're playing that song. If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right.

But that song was playing loud. And there was a guy at the bar, man, like putting his soul all into it. I don't want to be right. You know, and getting the chills, man. Right, you just did. Who's bum thinking about it? And I just sit right next to that dude. So I started sitting next to him, and I bought him a beer,

and then we're playing, he kept singing them, and then everybody was singing too. And I saw a black lady there, going to the bathroom, and coming back, coming back. Okay, that's my dealer right there. Right, right, right. That's the code. So I went to go hit her up back, coming back. Okay, that's my dealer right there. Right. That's the code. So I went to go hit her up and then she gave me,

she sold me drugs. Yeah. Some sniffles. She gave it to me and I met another guy there, another guy, he had long hair. I was all in a daze, man.

Like, somebody could have hit me with a brick right there and You wouldn't have known. I would have not known. Somebody would have kidnapped me. Was this all in the courseaze, man. Somebody could have hit me with a brick right there. You wouldn't have known. I would have not known. Somebody would have kidnapped me. Was this all in the course of one day? Yeah.

So I could have been hostile, you know? Yeah. But you're not thinking none of those stuff. We went to a house. There were these two hookers that he hooked up with. And I guess we went to go party. So we went with them to a house. And these hookers, not like the hookers that you expect.

People always think there's going to be a lot of hookers in Amsterdam. You got to be careful because when I was walking with my girlfriend at the time, and we were in Amsterdam, not Rotterdam, we stumbled upon the red light district where all the transgender men are at. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so they're all dudes man But they look good Some of them huh

They look good man Yeah Some of them doing pull ups I swear It looked like he was doing pull ups man I was like okay That's in the window They're supposed to be like

Looking all like Trying to entice you And some of those dudes Are just doing curls and shit Yeah they're doing curls Doing pull ups You know some men are into that man Hell yeah Yeah of course they are Everyone's got their own flavor Yeah, let's go doing curls, doing pull-ups. You know, some men are into that, man. Hell yeah.

Yeah, of course they are. Everyone's got their own flavor. Did you get a hooker while you were there? No. Or a sex worker, we should say. Nothing. That's the right way, right? Nothing.

Nothing. Would you ever do that? No. Nah. I went to the Van Gogh Museum. Same thing. It's just like getting a hooker. Yeah.

You went to the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam? I saw a lot of his paintings. You didn't take any drugs while you were there? Yeah, in Amsterdam, hell yeah. Yeah, you did? Mushrooms? No, coke and heroin. You did heroin?

You mainlined it? No, hell no. Smoked it. Smoked it. Smoked it. Threw up five minutes later. They said, if you throw up again, we could kick you out of the house. So I said, I don't want to do no more then.

I'm good. You're good. And I stood at that house till 11 in the morning. Missed my flight. Didn't care. Because you were fucked up. Yeah. Then you finally got out.

Was your girlfriend still there or did she leave? She left. Was that the end of the relationship? It was the end of the relationship. Did she smoke too? No. But did she know you were... No, she had no idea. It was over. Was that the end of the relationship? It was the end of the relationship. Did she smoke too? No. But did she know you were... No, she had no idea.

She knows now. It was a bad time of my life. Tough. Then you got back. I got back, and my manager at the time was like, where the hell were you at? Everybody was looking for you. I was doing good.

I was smoking heroin, dude. Leave me alone. I was having a good time. When I finally got back to the hotel, they had to... There was a guy that was my escort when I was there. Right. He was pissed. And

he had my check, and we went to go cash it, and I had to... They had to take away the money for the extra day at the hotel and the flight for the rerouting. Oh, shit. Did you walk away with any money, or was it... I had money, yeah. Yeah, you still Right. For the rerouting. Oh, shit. Did you walk away with any money? I had money, yeah.

Yeah, you still did. It was fine. And then, so wait, when you get back to the States, do you go on a run again of getting fucked up again or no? I felt kind of bad afterwards, you know? I was going through the bad times. At this time in my life life I didn't have no connection with my children yeah

I haven't seen them since a long time the mother and them had moved on and remarried and lived somewhere else so I had no connection so I really didn't care

about anything so when I got back I don't remember I think I just hung out yeah went to a comedy store, the Laugh Factory. But that's what I'm saying, is sometimes after you, like, get, you know, like, I have friends

that go down the rabbit hole and go on, like, a binge. Yeah. And then they'll take, like, a day off, two days off to, like, you know. Oh, yeah. I took three days off. But then you'll go right back out. I took three days off, and I went back to my regular crack friends. Right.

The old crack crew. Yeah, man. I remember somebody partying with my friend, Paul Rodriguez. I love, yeah, Paul Rodriguez. They partied with Paul Rodriguez. And later on, they saw him again and Paul Rodriguez ignored them. To pretend like he didn't know them. Yeah, he didn't know them, like whatever. Right. And then I said, I had to defend Paul Rodriguez. I said, listen, man, I don't know if you ever partied a lot in your time, but when you party a lot,

you don't want to see the same people you partied with because it reminds them of a bad time now. Okay. Is that what he said? Yeah, that's what I told them. That's what I told them. They could be cool. It's like Jack in the Box, man. Yeah.

It's good at 2 in the morning at 3. But if you see that shit at 10 in the morning on the way to work, you're going to throw up, man. Those two tacos for 99 cents are good at three in the morning but not at noon. That's funny because every time I eat something nasty if I'm like out late

and I need something shitty, the moment I'm done eating I go throw the bag away outside so it's not even inside the house because I don't even want to be reminded of all the bullshit

that I was eating. I was like, I'm going to go eat all that, throw that shit in the trash can outside. I know, man. You can't eat, like some stuff

you just cannot eat. And, like, tongue tacos. In Mexico, we eat a lot of stuff like brain tacos, tongue tacos, cheeks, butts. Do you like any of that stuff? I'm vegan now, so I know. Oh, you're totally vegan. Yeah, but I used to eat all that stuff. I used to fuck that shit up, man.

Tribe, man. You know, like, intestines, all put up, man. Tribe, man. Ugh. You know, like, intestines, all put lemon on it, it all tastes the same. How long you been vegan? Since 2011. Damn. And you never, did you ever, do you ever slip and eat something with meat or no? No, not with meat.

It might have cheese, but as soon as dairy, dairy fucks me up, man. But your stomach, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Because I remember, like, I have a bit where I say that my stomach was hurting, you know, a couple of years in 08. And I thought I was dying or maybe I had kidney problems. There was something bad with me. And I went to the doctor and I had to take a list of the survey, you know. I get it.

They want to know what drugs you're into. Right. What drugs have you done in the past? And I remember laughing, going, wow, I feel like I studied for this. Like,

I studied for this my whole life. I mean, my whole life has been preparing me for this test. Right, for this moment.

You ever done PCP? Yes. Heroin? Yes. Oxycontin? Yes. Xanax? Yes.

You know, I just, on the list, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Turn it all yes xanax yes you know on the list yes yes yes turn it all in 100% check plus and

the next day all those nothing wrong with you doing those drugs dairy is fucking you up so the drugs are fine you can do PCP

all you want PCP is fine crack is okay stop having dairy. Just no quesadillas, homie. That's wild. So what do you got? You got lactose intolerant?

Lactose intolerant, man. That's wild. But I think most Latinos or most Spanish people, I would say most Mexicans, are lactose intolerant. We're not supposed to be eating meat, milk, but we just ignore it. You know, oh man, I'm going to take a meat shit right after this. No way.

But they accept it. You know, they accept having to take a shit all the time. Yeah, because it's also easy access food usually has dairy shit in it. And when I was a boy, my little kids, my little brothers, my little brother were born here in America, and the doctor knew right away that they have lactose intolerant. My mother was given soy Similek.

Oh, right. Not regular Similek. First was soy. Right. Because they make soy Similek. And she would give that to my brothers. But as soon as that soy milk ran out, regular milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just whatever's around, right? Whatever's cheap. Because that shit gets expensive. It does get expensive. So you just deal with it. You know what I mean? Tell me this. How do you feel about the phrase Latinx?

Well, man. What does that mean to you? I tell you right now, man. For me, it was like, well, it ain't me. But a lot of the millennial Latinos. Yeah. Mexican Americans, Cuban Americans,

they are more, more aware of who they are. Yeah. Compared to my generation. Yeah. So they're more proud. Right. To be Mexican.

You know, they're not hiding in the woods, you know. Right. They're really, really proud to be Latino. So, and they don't want to, they don't want to, they want to include everybody in that. Because, you know right they're really really proud to be um latino so and they don't want to they don't want to they want to include everybody not because you know some people say well i'm not a latino latino we're not all latino so they have latinx to include everybody you know like

afro afro latinos sure i guess cuban latinos and. Because when I was a little kid, I remember people were embarrassed to be Mexican around white people. As soon as a Latino would move to Orange County, they're no longer Garcia, they're Garcia. For real. For real. And then somebody will move from Queens to Manhattan. They're no longer Lopes. They're Lopes.

Lopes. Lopes. Yeah, the Lopes. Where the fuck you get Lopes from? Davey fucking Lopes. That's true, though, huh? Yeah, man. And the only people that were really proud to be Latino when I was growing up were the news reporters.

Right. Like, you have all these white anchorman the news reporters. Right. Like you have all these white anchorman and one blackerman and then you have the Latino. Right, right. He's over there on weather. What's his name? Reporting, Jose Lopez Portillo Jr. de la Fuente.

Back to you, Sarah. Proud, proud motherfucker right there, man. Always over pronouncing his Spanish name

to let everybody know that this motherfucker right here is Puerto Rican or Cuban, you know what I mean? Right, right,

right, right. But a lot of the people that I was growing up, like, one of the bad, like,

I would get so much bad advice from Latino comedians that started before me. Like, were they heroes of yours too or just older guys? they Latino comedians that started before me. Like were they heroes of yours too or just older guys? No, they were just people that started before me. Right. And they would give me advice.

Nah, bro, you got to stop doing Mexican jokes. You got to stop doing these Beiner jokes, dog. Come on, dog. Willie Barsena. And you got to cross over, dog. Your fucking jokes are all ghetto, dog. And I got to cross over, dog. Your fucking jokes are all ghetto, dog. And I listened to that for a while. And like, I can't write clean.

I'm a dirty motherfucker. Every comedian I ever loved was dirty. Dice Man, you know? Who was your favorite as a kid? Richard Pryor. Pryor. I had a video. I had a tape that had everybody on it.

So everybody that was on it I liked like Robert Thompson Robert Williams Howie Mandel when he blew up that bag yeah and

put the shit on his head Richard Pryor Paul Rodriguez yeah were there Mexican comedians that you loved the most Paul Rodriguez P-Rod was like the

yeah that's the only one I knew at the time and then Joe Lopez later on I saw him live at the Laugh Factory and walk out with a television show. He did.

He's walked out with a bunch of TV shows over here. He killed, man. I saw George come in, like, hit a Mercedes car, all shiny black, bro. The fucking license plate was punch line. Was it? Punch. And he's dressed fine. He's out there to get envelopes from all the comedians.

He's about to slap all the Latin comedians on the way in. He smelled good. Hair was on point. Shiny shoes. Matching socks to match the tie. Right. Pimpin', bro. Right.

I'm right here, bro. Fucking oversized t-shirt with a cat on it. I prefer that look. I think that's better. And he went in there, man. Bumped two people that sucked anyways. I was happy they got bumped. They're assholes.

So those two idiots left. And George Lopez went up on stage and did like an hour of nonstop comedy. It was 100 degrees after he left. It was hot. It was hot. Everybody was sweating. Sandra Bullock was just laughing. She had a cheer in her eye.

Oh, she was there? Yeah. And she became the producer of the show. No shit. Yeah. Wow. She had saw him, I think, somewhere else. Yeah.

But then she liked him and they became buddies, buddies. And then together with another man, they pushed that show and they got it that night. That's wild. That was like the second time I've seen that done and they got it that night. That's wild. That was like the second time I've seen that done. Or somebody did a set. Yeah. D.L. Healy came in.

And D.L. Healy had never really been at the Laugh Factory before. And he was there like suits everywhere. It's like one of the moments, man, when you think that there's going to be enough time

for them to see you too. Right, right, right. Maybe me. Maybe me. Can I be next? Can I go up before him? Maybe they'll see me too. Nah, man. They're going to be enough time for them to see you too right right right maybe me maybe me can I be next can I go up before him maybe they'll see me too nah man

they're going to see you they're going to fucking walk out when you go up that's the sad thing that you don't know that yeah you don't a lot of comedians

a lot of young comics you work with they're not self aware man yeah well self awareness I think is what makes good comics if you're self aware you understand your position

and like what you do best and what you don't do well. And if you don't know any of that shit, you're probably going to have a tough time. I thought I was, man. I remember my friend got to the Tonight Show. I asked him, what'd they say about me? No congratulations. Ask him if I could get two minutes.

Yeah, I'm trying to do it. Did you ever do the Tonight Show? Just on sketches with Elon Gold, my homie. Elon Gold. Well, you did Leno's old Tonight Show, right? Yeah. Yeah, the first time he did it, not the second time. I did Jay Leno's old Tonight Show.

Did you ever do Conan? Never. Never Letterman either? No, huh? Never Letterman. Letterman only had like one Latino comedian every 10 years. Really? Yeah.

The first one he had was... Canteen Floss. It was Canteen Floss. It was Chris Fonseca. Close enough. Oh, really? Chris Fonseca did it in 1992. Just the other...

Cerebral Palsy? Just the other day. Ooh, yes. Cerebral palsy? Just the other day. Ooh, yes. Cerebral palsy. He did it. And then 10 years after that, I think Greg Giraldo did it. Oh, man. You know, he was literally one of my favorites.

Yeah, Greg Giraldo. And then Cristela Alonso went on to a show to sit down to promote her show. She did Couch. Alonso did Couch. Yeah. Did you ever do Lopez's show when he had a show show? Yeah, I did it once. You did that one, right.

I did that one, and I did, yeah. That's wild to think. By the way, you bring up Geraldo. Geraldo, he was one of the guys that I always thought was, you know, when I was in love with comedy when I was in high school and college, there was all these kind of names that everyone always says the same names, like Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor and all that stuff. That is true.

I always loved those dudes. But I would tell people about Geraldo because not a lot of, unless you're a comedy fan, you didn't really know him. And I was in love with that dude. And I thought he was so, so beyond. I thought he was just, it was like he beat everybody around the track before they even started. He was so fucking funny.

And then, I think he died before he ever got what he deserved. You know? Yeah, man. I remember, man, like, watching him,

I was embarrassed, I was kind of nervous to audition for him because I didn't want to get roasted or say something horrible about me. Well, when he was on Last Comic, right? Because he was a judge.

Who was the judge? It was him, Natasha Leggero, and Andy Kindler. Andy Kindler was a judge? That's wild. That's a weird combo. And I remember Greg Giraldo watching this half Filipino and half Latino comedian perform. And he said that it didn't go so well.

And then Giraldo told him, I'm going to say yes to your Latino side, but no to everything else. That's so good. Fuck, man. What are you going to do now? Go back to Colorado? What did he say to you? Do you remember what Geraldo said to you? Oh.

Felipe Esparza, this isn't really explained. This isn't the kind of format where Felipe can really show his true comedy. But I know his comedy. I'm going to say yes. That's good. Then Andy Killer said, well, based on what he said, I'm going to go yes. And Natasha said no. But she said no, but I must have to go yes. And Natasha said no, but she said no,

but I must have been too excited. When I saw it live, when it really happened, she said yes. But when I saw it on TV, she said no. They must have cut it. Cut it, yeah. Or like, ooh. Drama. Right, they love the drama.

She's a villain. Let's make her the villain. And all of a sudden, she became like a villain Let's make her the villain And then all of a sudden She became like a villain But But I thought she was You know She was saying horrible stuff That's her character

Some comics need to hear that Yeah That's her character She does that like Kind of snarky Like mean But so So

Did you ever get to spend time With Geraldo? Yes I opened for him Yeah I opened up for him And Chin Pampa Chin Pampa My name is Chin Pampa Yes, I opened for him. Yeah. I opened up for him and Gene Pompa. Gene Pompa.

My name is Gene Pompa and I will live in your couch. Gene Pompa was... He's great. Yeah, he was featuring and Greg Gerardo was headlining and I was opening. Yeah. At the Addison Improv. Back in the day, we needed to fly an opener. Oh, wow.

I was the last of the... I came in at the end of the comedy boom. The last of the open... The last of the... Open Hickens. The last of the Mohicans, the last of Mojado. The last time they were paying features, they were flying out features back then.

God, that's wild. So I was flown in to do an opening spot, and I got to hang around with Greg Giraudo all week. It was fun, huh? Yeah, he remembered me from that time. And then in 05 when I saw him

at the Montreal Comedy Festival he remembered me. Damn. So yeah, every time. Like you said, we don't see each other

but when we see each other again it's always like, what up, man? What up? Yeah, it's easy. It's easy to make that connection again. Before I run into you, I ran into Marc Maron.

At the airport? At the Bourbon airport. Yeah. But it was like brief. I said, hey, hey, where are you going? I'm going to Salt Lake, Wise Guys. And I'm going over there to Pittsburgh Improv. Yeah, that's wild.

And then like a bye. That is kind of how it works. We're always in transit. You know what I mean? And then he tweeted, just ran into Felipe Esparza. I said, wow, all right. Cool. Have you ever done his show? Never. He should do the show. Marc, what I mean? And then he tweeted, just ran into Felipe Esparza. I said, wow, all right. Cool. Have you ever done his show?

Never. He should do the show. Mark, what are you doing, Mark? Get it up and get it together. Get it together, man. I love the wrestling show. Oh, yeah, you like that. That was good, huh?

Did you ever want to get into acting? Yeah. Are you talking about wrestling? No, yeah, yeah. Do you want to get into wrestling? Dude, I always wanted to get into acting, but this weekend, I was just, we were getting stoned after the show,

and I was talking to one of the comedians, Martin Rezo and Rodrigo Torres. They're both on my podcast. But I was telling Martin, yeah, because he was showing me a commercial he did back in the days for like McDonald's. And I was telling him, yeah, man, in 1988, you know, when I was out of high school, two years out of high school. I didn't want to graduate, so I just dropped out.

Somebody told me to apply for a movie for extra. Background work. Background work. Yeah, yeah. movie for extra. Background work. Background work. So it was a movie on HBO, a show on HBO that was on back in the 90s, late 90s, called HBO War Stories.

War Stories? Yes. I never heard of it. I've never heard of it either. I've never, I worked on it as a background guy. I've never seen it till last Saturday. You watched it? I told my friend, bro, I think the episode was called The Promise.

And my friend would look for that shit, Martin looked for that shit on YouTube. He found it. Oh, found the full episode? And I see my young body running like a Vietnam veteran, like a Vietnam soldier to a helicopter to get supplies. Yeah, that's nice. You recognize it.

They left you in. Yeah, man. I'm in one, they left you in. Yeah, man. I'm in one, it's funny, I'm in the beginning, they're doing surgery on me and I'm dying. And I die.

I could see myself die in that scene. But like, four scenes later, I'm back, running to the helicopter. Just use the dead guy. No one will fucking know.

So did you ever, was acting something You wanted to pursue More than that Or no No I was in stand up comics When I was a little kid When I listened to

Bill Cosby's album Yeah And after that You were like Once you got into comedy And you made it You became a professional You never thought

Maybe I'll try to make My own show Did you ever try to make Your own TV show or no Yes Dustin Ibarra Comedian I know him yeah Him and I He had a deal with Did you ever try to make your own TV show or no? Yes. Dustin Ibarra, comedian. I know him, yeah.

Him and I, he had a deal with a showrunner that had a deal, Peter Murrieta, and I had a deal too with my guy, Bobby Bowman, and they both had a deal. So Bobby Bowman and Peter Murrieta, they live in the same neighborhood. They're just walking together, man, whatever. Hey, man, I'm working with this comedian with long hair named Felipe Esparza. You heard of him? Yeah.

I'm working with a comedian with long hair too named Dustin Ibarra. Let's make them brothers. Perfect. So that's how it works, people. Yeah. Showrunners are walking their dogs, and that's how shows are made. That's Hollywood. That's all that should happen.

So let's put them together. So Bobby Bowman, Peter Murrieta, Dustin Imbarra, and I, we start meeting at Bobby's house, cranking out this pilot pitch for like three months, getting out together. We got it down to 20 minutes of talking, you know, because you got to break it down as long as it's long. We go to CBS. That's where shows go to die right there. I don't even know why people go show pilots to that lady, man.

If you're not Ted Danson, you're not going to get a show there. They shoot it right out of the sky. Yeah, man. What a waste. Did you take it right out of the sky. Yeah, man. Why are you the waste? Did you take it anywhere else afterwards? Yeah. But that lady's nice, but they just don't pick shows. No.

No. They're looking for a certain show. So did you give up the show, or do you still- No, we went to NBC and Fox and ABC. We went to ABC, and as soon as we made it down to the elevator, they wanted to buy it. Really? Like, as soon as they,

they bought the pitch right away. So what's the deal? What are you going to do? And then, but that was like four years ago. Oh, okay. We got our money though.

Got that money, baby. Got that money. But you never made the pilot. They wrote the pilot. They said no. Came back next year with a different show idea.

No. Same thing. And then another, this third time with Vin Diesel. You and Vin Diesel? No, Vin Diesel production. Oh, really? Yeah, and nah. Still no.

So you're going to keep swinging or no? But then I went with Omar Chaparro. Omar Chaparro is a big Mexican comedian from Mexico. He's been in a lot of movies that were shot in Mexico. His movies make millions of dollars. Him and I, we worked on a movie during a pandemic. That's when we first met. What's it called?

It's called Seventh in Union. About an immigrant boxer fighting his way through LA with dirty fights. Is it out right now? It's going to be out in January. Is it on, like in theaters or on Netflix?

No shit. 7th and Union, Omar Chaparro. That's his first English movie. Wow. So, we're already working on this movie

and somebody put us together to be brothers too in a movie, in a sitcom. You and Omar. Yeah. We had good people, man.

We had the producer of The Last OG. Oh, of Tracy's show. Yeah. Oh, that's great. And the guy from the show where the three's a crowd. The one with Charlie Sheen. The one that used to have that show. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, his producer of that show was backing us up, too. So hopefully... No, they already said no. Damn, bro. So many fucking no's. Yeah, so like four or five in a row already, but it's all good. But see, people don't know that. I ain't moving to Austin yet.

I ain't giving up, motherfuckers. Joe Rogan doesn't have you pulling in? There's no magnetic force down there? Hell no, man. You're never going to leave LA. You're born and raised here. I was born in LA, man. And like people who left leave L.A. You're born and raised here. I was born in L.A., man. Like, people who left L.A. is because, you know,

they only know North Hollywood, you know? Right. They only know Van Nuys. Sherman Oaks. They only know the Comedy Store and Driving Back Home. Right. So I know every knit and every knit and crumb of L.A., bro. If shit goes back for me, I'm going to Vaisely, California.

Vaisely, that's where you're going, right? Ain't shit there, bro. I'll be the man over there. I could be, you could have $100 in Vaisalia. You could be a big fish in a dried up pond. Big fish over there. I'll move to Modesto. Right, people don't know about Modesto.

That's way up there. I'll move to Fillmore. Hell yeah, bro. Centralia. You go to Central California. Hayward, California. That'd be a farmer. Yuma, baby.

Yuba City. Yuba City, bro. Yeah, man a farmer. Yuma, baby. Yuba City. Yuba City, bro. Yeah, man. Like, yeah. Yeah. Because people in Arizona are moving too, man. They're moving from Phoenix to Eloy. Eloy.

That's how... So you've been getting a lot of like... You've been getting so much love now on the road. Now you're traveling all over, like, selling out and shit right now. What's going on? Well, I got lucky, man.

During the pandemic, when I wasn't working, I got to be on Superstore the last season. Oh, that's wild. Yeah, so I got to be like in five episodes of season five.

Right before they knocked that thing to the ground, huh? Yes. I saw they flattened it. I drove by it. They knocked the whole thing down. Over, man.

Done. Yeah, but they lasted six years, right? Yeah, six seasons. Yeah, it was great. Oh, five seasons, I think. I don by it. They knocked the whole thing down. Over, man. Done. Yeah, but they lasted six years, right? Yeah, six seasons. Yeah, it was great. Or five seasons, I think. I don't know. But I got to work on the road, and my first show I did was in Oklahoma City.

Yeah. But you're back full-time touring or what? Yeah, we're selling out shows. You're killing it, man. You want to plug dates? Plug dates. This is... Are you going somewhere

This weekend I'll be in Fort Myers Naples, Florida Let's go I'll be at the Off the hook comedy club Oh yeah Captain

Captain Brian I know him I did I did it when he was In Marco Island That was badass It's not there anymore right No man

That was good food back then What is it now It's Naples Island Naples Naples, Florida Okay right right right A lot of old people there. Is it big, the venue, or no?

Because the old venue wasn't that big. It was like a nice, smaller room. This one is the same size. Oh, it is? Yes. Good. This is the one where somebody called the cops on Ahmed Ahmed. Remember?

Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Oh, Maz Jobrani. No, no, no. It was... Ahmed Ahmed, huh? It was Ahmed Ahmed, I thought. It was Ahmed Ahmed, I thought. Yeah, Ahmed Ahmed.

I thought so. Right, because they thought, because the guy was like, there's a terrorist here telling bomb jokes. Isn't that what it was? Yeah. Some old white dude thought he was telling... He's like, yeah. He's like, I'll hit it. He's like, my whole family hit all these buildings with planes.

And he's like, there's a terrorist, a goddamn terrorist down here slinging jokes, bomb jokes. Yeah, that's right. They called the cops on that guy. That was at the Naples one, huh? Yeah. So you're doing that. You got a bunch of dates coming? Yeah, I'm also going to be at Salt Lake City, Wise Guys.

I love Wise Guys. In the future. I just did it. I'm coming September 30th to October 3rd. I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Portland. You got to go see this motherfucker. Wherever you are, go to, what is it? What's your website?

Felipe. Felipe'sWorld.com. Felipe'sWorld.com. Felipe'sWorld.com. Up here in San Diego, Humphreys by the Bay, November 6th. Hey, yay! Come out and see this, dude.

Dude, thank you so much for coming. Thanks for having me, man. I appreciate you. So here, we end the episode the same way. You look into your camera

right there, and you got to say one word or one phrase that closes the episode when you're ready. Go ahead. What's up, fool? In here, we pour

whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.