Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - How Jeff Arcuri Went From Comedy Clubs to Netflix | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian Jeff Arcuri to talk stand-up, crowd work, going viral, suddenly getting recognized everywhere, and what happens when years of grinding in comedy turn into millions of people watching you talk to strangers on the internet. Jeff has become one of the biggest names in crowd work, but there's a lot more to his comedy than roasting people in the front row. His new Netflix special, Nice to Meet You, mixes the quick crowd interaction fans know him for with personal stories and brand-new stand-up. Watch Jeff Arcuri: Nice to Meet You, streaming now on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82032506 Check out Jeff and sign up for tour updates: https://www.jeffarcuri.com Follow Jeff Arcuri: https://www.instagram.com/jeffarcuri Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #JeffArcuri #NiceToMeetYou =============================================== This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL Get ready for big games, bigger Saturdays, and your most rewarding season ever. only on FanDuel. http://fanduel.com/whiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave series presented by Fandul. Hey, there, kiddos, October is almost here. And I am going to be performing with Dave Chappelle in Mesa, Arizona, at Sloan Park, where the Chicago Cubs spring train. Man, oh man, am I excited? I'm opening up for Dave Chappelle October 18th. Come out and see me, Mesa. Andrew Santino.com for those tickets, Andrew Santino.com.

In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger beard Sturdy and ginger Like vampires The ginger gene is a curse Ginger's a fugitive You owe me $5 for the whiskey And 75 dollars for the horse

Ginger's all hell now This whiskey is excellent Ginger I like gingers Let it gentlemen Welcome back to Whiskey Junior My Guess is one of my favorite people and others say they're from

My Guess by I mean once again today It's Jeff Akuri Akuri Yeah Isn't that the way to say Actually technically The way you're supposed pronounce it.

That nobody's ever done that before. No one should. That was so dumb. It is dumb. Jeff Akuri. I had like an old time man caught to me. He goes, this is the Rkuri. Arcuri.

It's never going to be that for me. Jeff Akuri. No, it's Jeff Akuri. Accuri. A curie. Like Fury. That's how white people say it. A curie.

Arcuri. Arturi. Well, cheers to the Arcuri. Cheers, man. Cheers. We're drinking a little bit of Blantins today on the show. Just a little bit of sip sap for the afternoon. Daytime whisk.

Mm-hmm. I haven't had enough of that recently. Oh, man. Pretty good. That's great. It'll do something to you, right? It'll make you feel alive. Oh, that trickle down of, like, that heat, you know, is so great.

That's why you've got to drink it when you're stuck on a mountaintop somewhere. That's why they had those St. Bernard's of whiskey on the... St. Bernard's? Is that what it was? Yeah. But isn't that a... Wasn't that, like, a myth or something that, like, when the Titanic was sinking, they would drink? Like, the guy was like, I'm going to take this drink to warm up, but it actually...

It makes you think you're warmer, but you're not. You're actually the opposite. They're all dead. Yeah, that's true. Could make a bit. anything like yeah they're having an orgy on the top deck I heard when it was sinking so massive or no I didn't know who fucking they're all dead they're all dead they're all dead no one knows some people lived who lived rose but she didn't save

jack would have never gone down like that I'm like babe move over this is crazy it's a huge door you're a tiny girl let me on the raft they they isn't it nuts that Cameron did do an experiment yeah actually had people do an experiment in freezing temperatures to see if they could fit. And then at the end, he's like, yeah, I guess he could have. Yeah, what a waste of money that. No, but that's very cool. Yeah, you might as well try. Figure out, well, because everyone on the internet's gotten something to say about it, no matter what it is. Everyone will have something to say about everything. And you know what they're saying right now? Nice to meet you. Now on Netflix right now. Hell yeah, dude. Go watch his new special.

He, uh, where did you tape that? You taped it. I just saw. Celebrity theater. Celebrity theater. Yeah, the Phoenix, the round. Yeah, I knew, I knew, I knew, because I'm an Arizona state guy, so I was like, it was in Phoenix, but I don't remember where. Have you done that venue? No. I've done... I don't remember the name of the places that we've done down there. There's a couple of theaters

that we've done down there. Phoenix Live. The live stand-up live there is really good. That's a club. That's a great... It's like a 500 cedar. It's a good club. We did the theater down there.

I don't remember what it was called. I'm not good at that, dude. Oh, never. I don't remember. So is that you ever had that where you like pull into a theater and they're like... So it's the capricious theater

and you're like, yeah, man. And then you see... And then there's... like, you know, fucking Nora Bell was here in 1902, and you're like, oh, shit, yeah. But then I feel bad because I've done ones where other comics are like, yeah, it's fucking

awesome, dude. Like the one in Nashville. Oh, the Ryman. Rhyman. No, the Ryman is the one that you should know. I had no clue. I had no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's different. The Ryman is kind of like a piece of history. Like, you know, one of the nine Pantages that exist around the country. There's like in every city

there's a Pantagius. There's a, what's the other when we do all? Like an orphium. There's one in every city. What was the one we did in Phoenix? Arizona Financial Theater. Oh, the Arizona Financial. Yeah. Oh, the aft.

Yeah, big old aft, dude. Which I don't even, I know, I know. I mean, that was, that was big. That was a big fuck off. That was huge. But that was fun. I love it down there, though, dude. Why Phoenix?

What'd you do for, why Phoenix? I just did a two show one night there on like a Southwest run, like Albuquerque and shit. And that was the last one we had, and we had rough shows before that. Like, it was just like, venues you don't want to do. You're like, oh, this is a bigger venue. We're going to move you to this, which is great. And then you go there, and it's like a conference room.

And I would have rather done more shows at a club, you know, than this. And this last one we went to, it was that we did a three-quarter round. So they had like a wall up on one of the parts of the octagon or whatever. And I fell in love with it. I was like, I didn't want to get off stage. And then I did the second show and had more fun. And I called my agent. And I go, if and when, it's got to be here.

Wow. And that was a year later. Less than a year later, we were there taping it. Had people taped there before? Yeah. Tony taped his there. Oh, same spot. Same exact theater. A month before me. Really?

Wow. Yeah, he was there exactly one month, and my special came out exactly one month after his. Tom Segord did it is, George Carlin, Nate Bargazzi. They've all done tape this. I know. I never know. I don't know where people do any of their stuff. And I hear it, by the way, I'll forget it tomorrow.

Well, they also, mine, I think it was a little more prevalent because I had the audience load up more. So you saw how around it was. You saw the stacks of people. You chat with them, so you've got to be able to see them. I still regret how much. much you see him because I'm like I never really went that far back into the crowd. Who cares? And I do watching the V1 and watching like we cut one of the cuts that we made on the special

was because I was like doing a part where I'm talking about my wife like solemnly and a woman in the back behind me. You see her goal like like. Tough. Like that and I'm like cut. We got to cut this. I'm not going to use it. And so that that's the thing I didn't think about was the people behind you not laughing because they're not even seeing you. They're getting the worst show. That's tough. And there's one of the audiences. The rounds are a little bit tough, but that's what you get. If you want that kind of experience, you're going to pay for the other side. I took a risk with it.

And, you know, at the time, I kind of freaked out afterwards, where I'm like, maybe I shouldn't have done this. But I'm glad I did. I'm glad I took the risk. But I think the next one I'd probably do it in, like, the VU and at the cellar. Really? I would do something a little more simple. Yeah.

I think I want to do one. What if Banford did it in her mom's living room, remember that? It was like, just her and her parents. I thought it was like, this is hilarious. We've all done corporates. Yeah. I mean? I want to do a truck stop.

That'd be really nice. A little truck stop. Have you done any of those, like, where it's, like, you know, how they have, like, some people are doing, like, comedy in the office, what people are working and they're behind them doing jokes? Like, have you done a show like that? No. No, I've just done, I've done some just miserable corporate gigs.

I did, you know, I've talked about the Jim Beam one that I did. It was me and Gary Veter and Alonzo Bowdo and Joe McHale hosted it, and Jim Beam just got acquired by Centauri whiskey. So we thought it was going to be Jim Beam, like, good old boys. But it was all Japanese. dudes like in business too tough tough tough tough tough so would say the opposite yeah holy shit cutting into steaks oh in round tables you know and like the round traditional like you know like wedding dinner tables and that was miss one of the worst 15 minutes i've ever done gary feeder was like

you okay man i was like not really dude that was it's rough yeah it sucked dude it was terrible but whatever the check clears and then and then you're like well i'm never going to do that again and then they call next year and they're like you want to do that again you're like you bet I'll be there, dude. I'll be there. So excited. I hate silverware. Yeah.

Well, eating, eating is tough. You know, that's... The comedy store introduced food. You know, used to just be knick-knacks. Now they do, like, pizza, but they don't do, like, wings, and they just do pizza, which is fine. But I liked it more when there's no food at all. Like, the seller's no food. They get food.

Do they? I never see food down there. You don't, because they, I think... They just highly discourage it? I don't know, but I've seen nachos being brought down the stairs a few times. Yeah, really? I feel like every time when they're no one. one's eating. Maybe people are afraid E because it's so tiny.

And well, you're also doing good primetime spots. Like, those are people going out for the night that planned that a month ago. They wanted comedy. You know, they're not going, is there, you go to a 1 a.m. shows. People are housing. Well, McDougal is also so small. If you're on the front, it's tough to eat. VU, you can hide in the back and eat, right? I don't really, you can't really see anybody back there. So I don't know. But in the front couple of rows, people are pretty scared to eat because they're, yeah, you're lit up pretty heavily.

You get people doing this, too. When you, like, when you crack a joke, you don't get their laughter because their mouth is full. You get the, you get the, you get the, yeah they're nodding yeah funny that's the worst but it's a good it's a great room that's why i like it but the store the store and the food is uh they're pretty good about holding it off because i you know when i first started doing the improv runs it full meals you got someone like a three-course meal and you're like good god yeah dude i hate the sound of a spoon hitting porcelain like soup i did city wineries when i started selling tickets because i didn't want to do like the bare minimum for the club i'm selling ticket i want to get some money so like city winery is the only one that

give me some of the door. And just the amount of times I get on stage and just full charcutory coming out. Oh, yeah. Soup. Soup at a comedy show is fucking crazy. Just the clank of the slurp. I was losing my mind.

I was like, and I can't do these anymore. I can't do soup. From now you hate soup from this day forward. I have not. I haven't even touched cereal anymore, dude. It's too soup adjacent. That's fun. When is the last time I had a bowl of cereal?

That's funny you say that. I fucking love cereal. We had nieces at the house and they had cereal. And I thought, no, I have bowl of cereal. And I haven't had cereal in a long time. I love it. love it. I love it still. Granola, like a sugary granola cereal. I'm like a little

kid. That's your go-to? Yeah. Of all the cereals? Wegmans, oat, and granola cereal. What about, what if you're going to do like a sugary shit one? Like a... Oh, fruity pebbles. A fruity pebbles. Fruty pebbles. I would get with the rainbow and the chocolate, and I would eat

both boxes. Rainbow, guys homophobic. Do you hear that? He gets rid of the rainbow. Does not support... No, I eat it. Oh, you love it. In my cocksucker. He's an ally. He's an ally. He gargles that thing down. He's an ally. Only rainbows. No one gives Frudy Pebbles for just consistently being pride, like...

They've done it since day one. Day one. They were just gay. It's called Fruity. Yeah. Fruity Pebbles. And their mascot, uh, their mascot was Rupal for a couple of years, which was very interesting.

Is that real? Brother, no chance. You, you look, he confirms it. I know. That's the part of the bit. Whoa. Really? I throw to him, he nods, you go, holy shit.

It wasn't, it was so subtle that I'm like, I don't think he saw me. Look at him nod. But there was a... He's a big purveyor of gay nightclubs. So I always not... If it's that world, he'll... He's a straight guy. You weren't quick to jump to that one.

Yeah. I mean, that'd be fun. A RuPaul, like, kind of situation. RuPaul collab. Yeah. The RuPaul Collab, you get the... What is that show? Why can't I think of the name of the show?

Drag Race. Yeah, special edition. Drag Race. Fruitie Pebbles. Why wouldn't they do that? Yeah. Marketing. Get on that. She's outside the door.

Huh? They're already reading the kids. All right, Carlos. See what he does here? He just, like, interjects nonsense. Shut off, dude. Turn it down. Turn it down.

Turn it down. All right, so what? I asked you beforehand, because I liked your, I liked the face on the watch. It looked very pretty. You got to get a fixed in Detroit. But you know from Detroit, but family is all living there now? Yeah, so my parents met out a cruise, and my mom's family lives in Michigan. My dad's, what are we talking?

It was a... Like a carnival? I don't even know. No, my mom was on a cruise. My dad was on vacation. They met at On Land. On Land. When my dad, my mom said, she walked into a busy restaurant.

my dad was sitting there with his buddy or sorry it was an empty restaurant it was only my dad and his friend and he goes we saved you guys a seat and then she sat down with her friend and then the rest was big I'm married that's where you came from yeah cruise baby yep well no no I had two sisters they waited I was I'm on land okay you're land kid okay I'm a lane baby dude land baby yeah but then my mom's family lives in Michigan my dad was sick in New York and we just moved like we moved all of us to to like the woods in Michigan and I hate I don't like Michigan like the I don't like suburban quiet subdivision life. Really?

And all my sister, like my sister's all bought houses near my mom, and that freaked me the fuck out, and I just got out. I went to Chicago. And then where, where from Chicago to New York?

How long did you live in Chicago? Five years? Where'd you live? Uh, Bois Town. Yeah, dude. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with a little ego boost on the way to the laugh at you.

Yeah. You know? Hey, bitch. And then they'd say something. Yeah, dude. That's your lead out. That's fucking great.

And then Chicago, you left because you were, Like, I got to get more time. I got to go to New York. Yeah, it's funny. I think every time you start doing, like, every time it gets easy is when I wanted to change something. Like, Michigan, I was like, comedy's going well.

Oh, got to get the fuck out of here. Chicago. I was like, man, I'm really feeling the scene. Like, I feel like I'm somebody here. Gotta get the fuck out of here. And then New York, like, that's where I knew I ended up wanting to be. I should end up. Yeah.

So I just wanted to get to that as quick as possible. And New York, you're never anybody, no matter how big you are. That's the best part of New York. I love it. I love. Way down there. That's why I think my favorite part of the comedy seller is the fact that I'm going in there and nobody's going there to see usually a specific comedian. Yeah, they're going to see comedy.

They're going to see comedy as a tourist to New York City. So you're just getting the people that will buy tickets potentially later on. And you're getting a real vibe of what the jokes are like. So you don't like this. You're saying you don't like the suburban lifestyle. But what about when you guys end up having kids and all that stuff? You're going to stay in the city? We already bought a house in Brooklyn.

Oh, you did? So we're moving. So we live where I'm still going to live in Brooklyn. About 35 minutes. Yes. you're not in, you're not way deep in Long Island. No. Yeah.

No, we got, it's a standalone house at the yard, so that's pretty cool. Nice. Very excited about that, but it is like, that is our, the compromise. She wants the more calm lifestyle. Sure. Yeah. But I'm like, I can't, I can't not take a train or walk at the cellar. I'm not driving over a bridge to go to the cellar every single night for the next 10 years.

You know what I mean? You got to take a train to the cellar still. Yeah. But it's all on foot. Yeah. I don't mind the train, dude. I can look at my phone. That's the only thing I don't like about LA is the, uh, I think of a joke.

I'm like, fuck, I have to pull over. No, voice text. No, I always text and drive. What are you going to do? Kill someone, big deal. There's so many people out here, man. Anyways. Yeah.

Dude, can't wait. You saw Tony Romo just get pulled over. Did you have any drinks? He's like, nope. Where'd you come from? Golf course? She was like, step out. Oh, no.

She knew right away, it was so funny. Like, nobody goes to a golf course and doesn't have one drink. Unless you don't drink. But if you have one, you do. Do you golf or no? I have. I don't.

Yeah, it's hard to do. If you live in the city, it's hard. Yeah. I used to, I took a college class in golfing. I took one of the college courses I could take was. A college course was golfing. Community. Ah, yeah.

But it was like, they're like, you just kind of work on your short game all day. And I was like, that's pretty sick. And that's when I got into golf. And then I couldn't. What community college you go to? Misholm. Tiny, tiny. Are you going to be like.

Oh, go Huskies. Yeah. There's got to be one guy listening. They goes, dude. Yeah, McComb Community College. How many years? It hit me up like five or six years ago saying, we know you went to school here wondering if you'd want to do like a show for free.

And I'm like, no, I'm not doing a free show for a community college that I went to for two years and never really finished. Yeah, well, there are only two years, aren't they? No, actually, I went for longer. I got held back in community college. It's almost impossible to do. I couldn't figure out what I want. Like, brother, you got to get out of here, man. You cannot be here anymore.

I think I spent like three years in community college. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And so that I was like freaking out. Like, I don't know if I want to go to college. And then I go, my mom was like, just check out of the counselor. or see what you maybe have accrued. And I went back there and she's like, you're like two classes away from like four associate degrees.

Because I was like just pounding. I was doing like so many classes. I didn't know. I ought to say, do I like business? Do I like communications? Do I like, I hate it all of it. But you got it now. Yeah, I got three associate degrees right now.

God bless you. You have them framed in the house, yeah? Yeah, hell yeah, dude. First thing you hang up in the new house in Brooklyn. That and a picture of the rhyme in theater. Yeah, and Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash.

And we stayed in his room. Didn't we stay in Johnny and June's room. We did laundry, I think, at the basement, which is crazy. We were on tour. Really? Yeah, because... At the Ryman?

We had to. We didn't... I mean, we were on a bus. At that point, we were on the bus. You've done bus. I'm doing that next... I'm doing that next year. Who you bring in?

Who you bring in a friend or your wife? Just buddies. No, my wife. She was like, can I come for some of it? I'm like, I think you're going to hate it. I'll give you the option. And then my agent was like, let me talk to her. She's like, she's not going.

Just a lot of guys eating foodie pebbles on the bus? Truly. We're going to play video games and eat snacks. Like... Who, are these are comics that are opening for you? Just friends that are hanging. Both. So there was, it's going to be, my two buddies are Matt Bacchus and Jeff Sheen are comics up in New York that I, when I started touring, they would open for me.

Because we always had like a little coat tail when we started together. Happens for me, happens for us type of thing. Great. And they've just come with me and there's, I told my wife, I'm like, sure, they like the money and the stage time. It's awesome. These theaters are really cool. But I need them just as much as they need me. I need my buddies there to.

like when I'm freaking out to make fun of me and distract me and like that's the biggest part is having your friends there with you so we're gonna get like gaming like Xboxes in there all that shit and just none of them really drink I barely drink so we're just gonna have play video games and travel with my dog so you say you barely drink he walked in he was like we're gonna have whiskey right away well I walked in I saw this yeah no yeah yeah yeah I have a problem right away what if I was like four years sober it's not my problem yeah texting and driving and relapsing friends come on back to the dark side. No, I know it's fun. The bus is fun. You're going to love it and hate it the same time.

We had a lot of trouble on it because it was really, it's just tough. You're stuck on the bus, but like it's fun, but you know, the night's night's hard to go to sleep because everyone's on different schedules and sits around. I'm worried about that a little bit, but I also told them that. As long as you can sleep with this. I worked on cruise ships for years. It's a lot of wobbly, man. Cruise ships, I will say, the rocking to sleep was sometimes very nice. If it was the right way. Well, the cruise is also 500 times the size, so it's big enough to take on some of that smooth. This, a bus is narrow. So it's a lot.

You feel it way more at night. Everything hit, like a bump and shit. Once you're in the middle of the country, that's when you get a lot. When you're like, when you're cruising like Route 66 to the Midwest, it's the worst or up in the northwest where it's like mountainous and then you really feel it a lot. But, you know, you get through it. It's fine. It's not going to kill you. Yeah, I just, it was one of those things where I was like, I want to do it at some point and it's not getting easier to do.

Just no pooping on the bus, man. Is that real? No pooping on the bus. Can't put put it with a bus. It'll stay with it. you gotta wait until you get somewhere to poop is that bus rules or is it like your it's just like a cultural rule you're you are you can

I wouldn't but then it doesn't you can't it doesn't just I guess that would be fucked up for any cars behind us no it doesn't dump on the street that's insane it turns fine who had that joke some comic was like I thought when I was up until like very recently that plane's just flushed and they just went wherever okay I didn't know they didn't I honestly I just say there's a poop falling out of a plane so they probably I don't know

it would probably freeze by the time it gets down It's pretty cool. I mean, they put it in a holding tank and they have to empty out that septic tank. Same thing on a bus, but also those things are, you know, it's not a brand new bus. They're old. They've been used for years.

Those things aren't, that's not their main focus. So if you poop on a bus, it will smell. I don't care. Damn. I don't, dude, it will. It's not great. You know what? We didn't even really pee on the bus.

Like, you would at night if you had to, but you'd rather wait to you get somewhere to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I told them like once a week, we're going to get a hotel just to refresh. Yeah, it's good to have a, but it's good to have like a cleanup hotel. Yeah.

You can't really shower on that thing anyway. I mean, we would shower at the venues, or we'd shower at a hotel, or we would just grab a hose and someone's front yard if we're in a nice neighborhood. Really? No, we'd come on. Damn it, dude. You can't get that at me. You're a sweet gullible boy.

Yeah, oh, easily. Yeah, you are. Oh, I'm going to, yeah. Is your wife used that to her advantage? She says hi, by the way. Tell her I said hello. She said this one. She was excited for me to do this.

Yeah, tell her I said hello. Where is she back in New York? Oh, fucking. Hell yeah. No, she's back in New York. That's great, dude. I was just, she's on the folder. She's, yeah, she had a fucking, she's just, she's killing it right now.

Hanging. Yeah. Having fun in New York. She's, yeah. The no bus thing is very funny that not bringing the wife on the bus thing because there's a lot of, a lot of point of contention between relationships where they're like, well, why can't I go? And you're like, well, I just want the separate time.

But then you are going to have the moment, of course, or you're like, ah, that'd be cool if she was in there. Almost every time I'm somewhere. There's only so many times you can bone your buddies. Yeah. You get tired of bone in your dogs. Until you start thinking of her. Yeah, you're like, it goes back to her.

You hook up with all your guy friends, and then you're like, I miss my lady. Yeah, dude. But no, as long as you're not doing too much time, because it will drive you nuts, but you will start to hate your friends a little bit. We all kind of hated each other at some point. Really? It's hard. I'm worried about parts of that.

Like, I'm worried about certain things, but that's the reason why I want to do it just to do it. You're knock it out. I always wanted to play video games on a bus with my friends on the way to a show that we have that night. like that whole thing is like why not how long is the run two three week runs oh that's yeah that well yeah yeah yeah so it's three weeks and then three weeks off and then three weeks the east coast don't even know how long we did for the first run ours was similar to that yeah it was like yeah something like that and then and then at the very very end we're like we're flying everywhere yeah i feel we were so over it we were like nope no way i feel that's what i'm gonna do

yeah i'm probably gonna think but i also was like ah yeah i just want to try i just want to try you have to Getting a good bus driver is a big thing We had a very funny dude Name Iron Man Crazy dude He was crazy man He was insane He was in a fight with his wife

At like 4 in the morning I woke up to go pee I pee in the middle of the night Because I'm over 40 And I hear this like Yelling and I'm like Who's yelling dude And I walk up and no one's in the living area

And then I hear it up by the front So I like peel back the curtain And he doesn't turn around Because he doesn't know I'm there He's got his headphones on He's like Oh that's what I fucking told you. He's barking at his wife and I'm like

man I hope we don't die while he's fighting with his wife at least he's wide awake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. He's fighting so his energy is up versus Long Road, you know, like, who, what tour? There was a comic whose bus Uh, uh, almost flipped on tour, right? Bertz went on fire.

His caught on fire, but there was the middle of the day. There was one in the middle of the night. They like ran off the road and it like flipped over. I can't remember who that was. Do you remember what was? It was nuts. Well, did, you know, you get tired? Tracy Morgan, that's right. 2014. Yeah, he's almost dead like five times.

No way. Then he got hit by the Walmart truck. What year was that? That was earlier, wasn't it? No, it was later. Whoa, what a roll. It rolled off the side of the road because you know how like the embankments are so steep in those old country roads. Like the road is lifted up.

All the culverts or whatever? Yeah, exactly. So it went in and won the runoffs and it flipped, right? When was the Walmart truck? It was also 2014. Back to back. Whoa. God wants you.

Out of here, man. Wow. It was all the same day, actually. Yeah, it happened that afternoon. In here, we pour whiskey. Welcome to your most rewarding season ever. Only on Fandul. NFL season is here, and it is amazing.

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You'll... I'm excited for it. You have a little fun. I'm just... Yeah, I just wanted to try. It's a lot of theaters, a lot of big rooms. So that's the kind of compensates for the bus. That's expensive.

Yeah, they're not cheap. All that stuff is very expensive. Well, you got to pay for a lot of bodies and gas and housing. You've got to house your driver, which that was always fun to get him a hotel. And he sleeps all day and then drives all night. That's so wild. He doesn't appear... He wouldn't appear to like 7 p.m.

And then he popped back out and be like, you're ready to go? Right, though? He would come to the show sometimes. Sometimes, but pretty rarely he would come. Twice. He came to two of them, yeah. But those are 8 p.m. shows because he's just getting up eating breakfast, whatever. And then he was very nice, but it's good to have a good driver.

Although he did crash the bus. Remember, he hit the satellite, the internet satellite knocked off the roof. That's right. We didn't have Wi-Fi, really. Yeah, dude. Well, because we went into a parking garage, and it has clearances on it. and he backed up into like one of the spots that wasn't a spot and we hear like

like it was it in my mind the roof ripped off. It was so loud and we were like what the fuck and then he runs around you know and he comes up the back and he was like so nonchalant he's like, it's a satellite I'm like well we'll so now know we don't have any service if we're on the road to like watch stream shit and he's like

they tried to fix it I don't even know what ended up happening I don't think we ever ended up getting it back. No, that sucks. There was no TV, no nothing, yeah. That's huge. We were looking into it because I'm like, I want to play video games with my friends online. Well, then you don't need TV for it, so that's good. Oh, online.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So we're looking at like Starlink. Get it. Yeah, we're looking at that type of stuff. But then even then my tech guy was just like, you'd have to get like four of them to justify playing online with each other. I'm like, I don't want to go that. If we just get like a game, like Mario Kart shit, I'll be fine with that, you know?

How come on, dude? Have you tried Starlink yet? Yeah, it's amazing. It's crazy how fast. It's better than my home internet. Oh, by far. Yeah. Yeah, they got it on...

JetBlue. Delta. Is it on Delta? Yeah. I don't know. My Delta's... Oh, no, no, I just did it yesterday. Yeah, Delta.

Oh, I was on... I think it's Jet Blue. United Hawaiian... Virgin. Because I just did Virgin yesterday. Yeah. Oh, okay. Virgin, I booked it through Delta, but that's their partners now, so they had it on there.

Americans are going to do it here. Americans's doing it. Yeah, that's what they said. Yeah, it should be everywhere. You should be able to... Why am I downloading moving? just let me stream it yeah what do we it just let me stream it I don't want to download it on an iPad or so just let me pop it up on something and watch it also a big big

I even said that to one of it I was like get rid of these dumb TVs some of the planes they outfit with new TVs you're like get rid of it everyone has a phone yeah just get rid of those and supplement how expensive that is with Wi-Fi or like I like when they give you the Bluetooth option for the TV oh that's great huge yeah that's massed pin canes that you yes no no no thank you especially because you know all the porn that I am watching on an airplane I want to be able to put it on a big So funny. When we flew back from Australia, it's so long and you're in your little cubby thing or whatever.

And there is a moment when you wake up and you're like, could I? That is true. There's one moment where you go and then you go, I'm on a plane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do that on a plane, dude? Never, never, never. But there's a piece of your brain that you wake up from a long nap and you're like, how much longer? And they're like seven hours and you're like, geez.

Yeah, waking up and you're still having, I think, I did New Zealand first. It was 16 hours straight. It's a long... Well, because you go to New York. Yeah. And I remember waking up with like 10 hours left. And I'm like, I slept a full night.

What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Yeah. You ever get a... I have this happen. You ever get a... Morning Wood on a nap on a plane?

Oh, yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, all the time. And I walk around with it. I just go row to row. You go, beep, beep, beep, beep.

I go, can I get you something? Can I get you something? Just trying to follow the signal. Hold on. It's somewhere over. My least for everything is waking up, farting because it's the first thing you do. Usually when you wake up is let it all out. I fart and then you're in the thing.

You're like, I can't move because if I shift, someone will know. Oh, yeah. It's leaking. You just have to let it dissipate or wait enough time that if it does smell, nobody knows who did it. Yeah. So you're free to clear. You know, you're good to go. I remember one time I was working in a bank and we were driving to a branch to go look at the brand.

I was new hire. They wanted to show me the branches. And they got picked me up from the trains. It was like a two-hour drive And I'm in the backseat Probably hung over, tired And the other company employees in the front And they're both talking

And like boring, bank talk So I fall asleep I remember having to shit and fart Bank talk is so funny It's the worst It's just like And if we get our new customer numbers up Blah blah blah

Anyways I'm in the back seat I remember I had of having to fart And then I remember Waking up not having to fart And all the windows were down in December I just remember the two of them still talking And all the windows were half cracked

And I was freezing cold And I'm like, oh, I shit my pants in this thing, dude For sure Listen, man, we're not going to show you any more The branches anymore I think we got out of this what we needed, yeah Well, how long did you work at the bank? Were you doing, teller?

No, I was to, I, when I wanted to move from Michigan to Chicago, I wanted to get like, I was like, I need a big boy job To afford living in Chicago So I just got like a financial service A customer service for a credit union downtown, yeah, and it was fine. In Chicago.

And then did you work that the whole time you lived in Chicago until you left? Until I was actually going to like full time comedy because of all the club is there. I was able to like skate by just doing comedy and I hated getting up at 8 a.m. 7 a.m. every day. But what got me was like they were trying to move me around because I kept trying to quit and they're like, let me just find

my position for you. Yeah, they needed you. Because I was sales and my numbers were good. How about if you work from home six hours a day? And I did that for a while. That's not bad. It was pretty sick. And then the last thing they did was They go, hey, our business development guy is quitting. And he's the guy that goes to all the credit unions members. Like the power plants, all the power plants in the Midwest, we were their credit union. Wow.

So they go, we were thinking, since you do comedy and you're a salesperson, would you want to go out to these power plants? Do comedy? And do a little comedy and then pitch the products. And we'll give you time and a half plus paid. And you can just go home after and you'll be done by like noon. And I'm like, fuck yeah, let's do it. How do you say no to that? It was awesome.

and awful at the same time. It was like I'd have to be at the nuclear power plant at 7 a.m. and it was like four hours away. So I was getting up at like 233 a.m. Driving three hours, going through two hours of security. Like for nuclear power plants, there's like 100 yards of cement blocks surrounding it.

That's great. You have to weave through walking. Did they have to search you and check you for stuff? There mirrors under the car, dogs walking around my car. Two hours, an hour to two hours every time I went into a plant. That's why they do like one week on, one week off. They live there.

every day. And the security is insane. They're like, if anybody were to rush and try a car and we're covered on every angle, they have war games they do there. Like once a year, they do a surprise attack. No way.

And they have fake guns and they have to like, they have the war games to make sure we're protected. And so I'm like, whoa, I didn't think it was this. I thought I'd be going into like an office building, whatever. And so I go in there and they're like,

and it was like a thousand engineers at 8 a.m. It was the most people on every one of these things I went to. And they were like, yeah, You know, you're going to be going up after Wounded Warrior Project. Easy follow. Yeah.

Who's, like, singing a song. No, they're just hobbling. Yeah. Just wobbling up there, dude. My fallen brothers. They always had a story that was tough to follow, dude. It was never like, and honestly, I feel fine. I'm good.

Thank you guys. And I remember going up, and then I'd have to, like, I remember starting clean. I'm like, it's 8 a.m. These is a professional. It's a corporate event. Yeah. So I'm like, my mom's real silly. And then it was just, I was bombing.

And then I remember I did a switch to darker. material. I remember doing like, I got a tattoo of my dad's name, 1956-2025 just to see the look on his face. And they'd be like, oh, all right. Like, that's not a great joke, but it was a darker joke that I was still clean. Yeah. But the worst part was,

if I did get a laugh, I then would have to be like, and by the way, our APRs are at an all-time low. And I'd have to, like, incorporate switch back to financial sales into my stand-up. And then I'd have to sit at the end as they all walked by and sell the merch of the credit union not your not mine just the merch of like hey if you want and I get

commission on it so technically I am making money if they get a credit card I get like 20 bucks or right so I was just like having to sit there and then like people would be like so let me ask you about the the mortgage blah blah blah and then the whole time they'd be like yeah it's good fun that's pretty funny man and I walk away I'm like why am I this sucks yeah but I was getting paid like 300 bucks a day that's the grind though yeah you have to do it it'll like gets you to where you are now yeah I every comic has to go through every tier of bar

VFW like all these A lot of cruise ships You gotta do you gotta go through all the rungs if you Not all of them but you have to Everyone has to go through something No one started at the top Did you ever do cruises? Never man I couldn't do

I don't I you'll know No one needs to I can't do I don't uh I don't do that Cruises I can't Yeah no one no no I just mean in general I couldn't be on one They give me the creeps me out The people or they're just the the water The lasophobia of it?

Really? It's just like too many people on a boat out in the middle of nowhere. It is scary. I just don't like the idea of like buffet, millions, or thousands of people. You hear all these horror stories, like the viruses, the breakouts, and I'm like, this is not for me, dude. And I respect that answer, 100%. I can't do it. You know what I don't like is when I was doing cruises, there were comics that were like, oh, the fucking, that's not real.

Like, that's not comedy. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I'm still doing a show. Yeah, you're doing a show. For people from the middle of this country. Yeah, you're doing a show. It's doing a show.

No, I just can't be on one because of my panic. Yeah. I just have bad. That's like claustrophobic nightmare of like, I need to get away. And it's like, well, you can't go anywhere. No. No, do that.

I would run every day on the top deck. Oh, that would kill me too. I'd start to, I'd have a loony tune moment of like, I'm going to jump off the side. I got to get out of here. Oh, yeah. Oh, I do. It's like, when you get the edge of a tall building,

why for a second? Are you like, should I do it? The call of the void. It's a French thing, isn't it? It's like, do du de bois. Yeah, because it's there. And you're like, why don't it would happen if I? There's got, there's something there.

Some people say that there's no fear of heights. It's just a fear of jumping. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not really afraid of being up. I'm afraid of getting going down. Yeah, you're afraid of going, that fuck it. Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid of wanting it.

What's down there? No, yeah, I don't care about the, I don't have any stigma towards it. I just, I can't. Cruisers creep me out. Like, that many humans in one place. I mean, even like festivals as I've gotten older, I can't do, I can do a show. I can do a concert.

Okay. But I can't do a multi-band, multi-tiered, like, you know, like Bobby went to. Workaholics. No, he went to Coachella. I mean, yeah, he went to Coachella, right? And he's like, you should go. I was like, brother, that's the, I can't. I literally.

Yeah. So many humans figuring out where to go to the bathroom, when to eat, where it's like, I, it's too inconvenient. I agree with you. I can't do it. I love New York, but I hate festivals. I hate. you can get out of anything at any moment. You can go do whatever you need to do.

You can get away from everything. That's true. If you need to get away, you can get away. Yeah. If you want to be inside the tornado, you can. But it's got an escape room. That's true. New York has always got to get out.

You're like, I gotta go. The amount of times I've, you know, Irish goodbye to New York at a party when it got too heavy and I'm like, it is easy to do that. Nobody cares. They don't even know you're gone. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? In most places they'll know, they're like, where Jeff go?

New York tomorrow. They're like, dude, they're all night. You're like, I know. They would never know, man. That place has so many black holes, though. New York has some of the best black holes you can get into of like sneaking to a windowless bar. There was a bar. Where'd you, I don't know.

You don't have to say where you, obviously. Don't ever tell me where you live in Brooklyn. We're not going to announce that to the humans. But I want to tell you, there's a bar. My buddy used to live right down the street to. When he was out of town, I'd stay at his place. And I would just go to this bar all night. It was, it was absurd.

It was not necessary. It's very prominent in a lot of Brooklyn and like a lot of Queens, Brooklyn. That's why we don't live. That's why guys like me can't live there because it would be, I would just be an all-night barfly. Yeah, because then you walk home or walk onto a train. I know. I have. I'm trying to look it up.

Oh, here, it's off of Driggs. I'm going to tell you right now if you've ever been there if you're a late night bar. Driggs. That's Queens? No, that's Brooklyn. Bushwick? Yeah. No, it's Williamsburg.

Oh, yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Well. I ain't that Brooklyn. I am not like, that's like the... What is this called? Is it called foolproof?

It's right off of the L. It's like literally off of the L. Why can't I find this, dude? Who cares? I'm killing time for no reason. But it did one of those things to me where I would realize that I was like, oh, I've been here way too long.

Like, what am I doing? This is bad. That was kind of like Chicago for me. Chicago has that too. Comority with drinking was, like, that was the one thing everybody did. Yeah, we're a good drinking city. Yeah, and I just, I remember that was like, to the point of like, all right, if I didn't have this, what would I have, then I need to leave.

Like, if the drinking was removed from Chicago, Chicago wouldn't have been fun. Like, the scene wouldn't have been fun as fun. Like, that was part of it. And so, I was not healthy, though. The city of Chicago? Yeah. It's a wonderful city. So, so great.

I love so much of Chicago. The only thing I don't like is my, the five, six years that I live there was. You told me before the show, the black people. It was crazy that you would say that. Why would you change that from Asians to black people? Yeah, I don't know. It was more risky, you know? Not as many Asians.

No, what do you don't like about the city? Was the brutality of the winter? Yes, yeah, tough. The consistency, like how it would be negative 12 for like 10 days straight. In New York, it could be like freezing cold the next day is 65 degrees. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah. I enjoy that.

New York's more bipolar. Yes. Chicago is just like an angry father. Chicago is like you were going to hate yourself in federal. You are going to be the most depressed you've ever been in February. So I didn't like that. I didn't like how cold it got, like where if one part of your cheek was exposed, it was like black by the time you got to work. Like I hated that.

But man, summers, when you got a skyline behind you, you take the lakeshore drive all the way down on a bicycle, go to the beach, like, but that's two months, three months? One and a half. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Barely that. And then you're like, fuck, no, the leaves. Yeah, it's coming. Yeah.

You know, it's coming. It's sad. But you know what? Any great city has shitty weather. Yeah, yeah. That's why this place is fake. It's not real. It's part of the charm.

You need that shit. You need the... That's one thing I don't like about it. As I name, the ninth thing I didn't like about it is... One thing that would freak me out is the passage of time. Like, you don't... Like, I'll be like, oh, shit, it is September in New York. Because I'm like, it is getting cold.

Here, it's just like 75. Perfect. What is it? July right now? What is it? Yeah, end of July. In July? Yeah, no idea. Literally no idea. It doesn't matter. It's crazy. Yeah. Just a little hotter. We'll be like, it's a little hotter. It's a little hotter. Must be the summer now.

That's weird. Or you'll see more kids and you're like, oh, school's out. Like, otherwise I wouldn't know. Like, you'll see more kids out. Sure. Oh, school's done. Otherwise, that's it. I don't know when school is, like Midwest, you would just know.

Because it was, you know, like, you would just know when school was about to be out. Sure. It'd be humming. You know, like people would be excited. Yeah. Out here it's like, someone will say something, and I'll be like, yeah, but your kids are in school, and they're like, what?

No, it's the summer. I'm like, oh, sure, that's right. Honestly, that's the better way of living. Yeah. It's not knowing the schedule of children nowadays, you know? Yeah. No, no, no. What I mean is there's a hum.

He got out four minutes ago. There's a hum in the air when school's about to get out in the Midwest. There's like, because people are excited. It's about to be a party. But here, they get to live free all year. It doesn't matter. It's not like parents' friends.

feel differently out here. It's just always... I mean, I'm sure they do because then they ship their kids to camp and then they... You know what I mean? Yeah, I do... I always envied the high school

depictions of Los Angeles. The outdoor lockers, skateboarding to school. I always wanted that. I always thought that was cool as fuck. That or the Hey Arnold PS-118 style. I hated suburbs. I wanted one of those two.

Right. I want to be a beach boy or a city boy. One of those two. And now you're a city boy. Yeah. Can't be a beach boy. I am. But man, the more you spend time

in the city and the more you're like, I guess like financially stable. you're like, a house in the woods. Yeah. Let me go deep into the woods. Yeah. Let me get like, I want to be like Mark Wahlberg and sniper.

What? Yeah. You're going to fight with your wife. Yeah, dude, it'll be days. We're already out here. Yeah, no, it would be. A getaway is probably, you'll get a getaway of something. If you guys are going to have kids at some point.

Yeah, we're thinking about. We do the IVF. We got the embryos. Nice, dude. I tried it. I swung that bad. Didn't work for me. It's going to work for you.

Watch. Cheer, cheers. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. And your name your kid after me. I will. Santino. Your last name?

Yeah. Santino O'Currie. Santino Rucuri. Hey, Dad, you call me in here for some. Dude, that's the thing that sucks. My wife will never watch Sopranos, and I fucking love doing that. What do you mean she'll never watch it? She goes, I've tried.

And she couldn't get through the first episode. And I go, you have to force your way through the first season almost. Oh, no. See, I'm the opposite. I like the first season. A lot of people were like, I thought the first season was fun. No, it is. People are always like, yeah, it's okay.

I'm like, I thought it was great, but I'm the odd man out, because I like, I liked this first season way more than a lot of people are like, once you get to two, then it's cruising, but I just, I love the first season. I love every part of it. I've watched every two years, I restart the whole series, and I sit and watch it, and then I'll, like, not look at it because I'm like, I can picture this scene. You know, I've known the scene so much. I love it. But I watched the show so much, and it sucks. All my impressions are wasted.

Wow, because on her, yeah, she's, yeah, I walk around like a very difficult situation, like that, and she's like, What was that? I'm like, you know, that was a pretty good one, dude. You understand? Yeah. What is it? What he's talking to Meadow's boyfriend who's half black and half Jewish? Yeah, dude.

That's like the funniest. That's like such a funny scene. Okay, not my dad's not racist, but that guy is, Tony Sopranos character. You can say it all you want, but he is. Yeah. But you know what I will say? My dad's not racist, but if there was a black guy in my car. Who's this guy, Jeff?

I will say, I will say that if my, I generally don't think he is racist. I think he has like, there are racist tendencies of being a man in his 70s that was born. Yeah, he was born in the 50s. Born in the 50s. Yeah. Grew up in Queens and long, he, in my opinion, has the more excusable version of racism. Because he grew up around black people. Right.

I think the ignorant racism is the real problem. It's the, but he's remembering the interactions he's had with black people when he was 12 years old. And then he, like, remembers that at 68 when he's at Walmart. And that's obviously not right. No. But he's got a different form of racism where it's just like, he'll say it's some matter of factly certain things. And I'm just like, yo, dude.

It's not good, man. And he's just like, what? I got friends. Tommy at the store. He's black. And I go, yeah, and you keep bringing him up. All right. Yeah.

To everybody. Everybody. No, I have a Tommy. I have a Tommy. There's no, there's no, there's no excuse for any of it. But for some reason, the guys in the 50s, you're like, what are you going to do? That's how they are.

Yeah, the old dog new trick thing is funny. Yeah, you're like, if your dog was barking an N-word, would you try, though, no matter how old he was? My dog's black, so he gets to, she's allowed to do whatever she wants. Yeah. It's the hard art that throws me off. Yeah, no, but if it's a black dog, that's why you can't get a white dog, I see a white dog.

I see a white dog, and my black dog does not like those white dogs. Doesn't like them. Is that real? Yeah, doesn't like white dogs. Black dogs, she's fine with. She's very rich. She's from Atlanta. What you have?

She's black black. She lives with a gay black dog. Dr. Umar. What's the guy's name? The doctor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who's like the most racist black guy like ever. He's like, he's very pro-black, but he's so anti-white that you're like.

Yeah. Omar Johnson. Yeah. You're like, these two things don't have to be. You know what he's like pro-black? You're like right on. He's like, white people are animal pieces of shit. Yeah.

All right, dude. He called Shane Gill's a Neanderthal. Yeah. That was so funny. Very funny. Very funny. You say Shane's response to that? Yeah, he's going to buy his school.

He can call the Robert Ely school. So good. Yeah, that dude, his whole thing, he's like race mixing is the devil's work and all this shit. Oh, he's a nutback. He's a fucking nutback. Yeah, you're allowed to be pro-black and not be anti-white. But Dr. Umar, new level, new level of hate. He was probably born in the 50s.

Isn't that wild to think in, like, probably, what did they say, like, 200 or 300 years? We're all just going to look the same. No, we'll be dead. No, no, yeah, you and I. No, no, no, I mean, this place will all be gone. You think so? Oh, dude, I talked to a cabby yesterday about it when I was going to the airport. Okay, well, it's good.

We have a reference. This guy, he knows, dude. He's ahead of the times. Him and I were chatting about it. You could have said some guy. No, cabby. Cabby's no. Who knows more than anybody but a cabby?

That's true. Cabbies are ahead of the game, dude. They've seen it all, they've heard it all. They've lived through more conversations with geniuses and idiots than anybody will ever know. Yeah. Particularly in New York. Holy shit. Those guys, back when they have to go get that metal

or whatever the fuck it is. The medallion? Yeah, it's crazy. You don't learn every street and know every person. They had to be aware of everything. No, but I talked to a cabby on the way to the airport. It was pretty interesting because he was like, he grew up in London.

I was in west of London, 50 minutes west of London. He was like, he's like, you used to snow here. He used to snow all the way up to that sign. See that sign? See that sign? That sign used to snow up to that sign. He goes, no, no, global warming. I go, yeah, maybe.

I don't know. Maybe it's just the earth quitting. And he was like, oh, really? He said, that's pretty interesting. I said, well, the arrogant thought is that we deserve to be here and that we'll be here forever. Like the thought of humans are like, it's our time now. It's like, yeah, but who knows when this time is up? And I think we've done enough. We've seen enough from a scientific perspective. We're like, oh, yeah, this thing's going to get mad at us soon and just shut down. Sure. It was frozen for millions of years. The idea that we think it's not going to happen again, that you're like, it's not going to happen again. You're like, yeah, will, something will, something.

So I think we'll be dead soon. I think it's coming. Next, next, like, 50 years. That's crazy. No, 50 years? This is the arrogance. Why would it not? So you're saying my nephew, the world will end before my nephew can retire?

Maybe, yeah. That's wild. Yeah, and it's his fault. You think he did it? No, but what's the idea that, like, a complete, the idea that we're super safe in space, that we're just safe is weird. You know what? Who's to say if it's tomorrow? Okay, so you know what gives me kind of peace about that is that?

space and time are so infinite. We can agree that there's no end to space. There's no end to time. That really the earth is just that beginning of time, or I'm sorry, beginning of earth to end of earth in all of space and time. Didn't exist. Basically didn't exist. That's all it is.

We exist less. So my point is if something happens, the idea that we're going to have, we have a lot of time left is crazy. I think there's arrogance to you thinking that it's going to happen around when you were here. No, no, no. Well, not because of me or near my time, but to think that it's just, I'll be out of here by the time that happens. That's my point.

Oh, sure. That's how everyone's living right now. No, yeah. I genuinely think, well, we have at least two or three, at least two or three more generations, fully generations of people until we start getting the last of us vibes. We'll see, dude. The world's not going to, it's not going to be a sun like explosion. It's going to be hurricanes and more tornadoes and things like that. Or a big stone that just comes hucking down. you think so why not I don't fucking know what if what if another life form is like I've had enough

we gotta kill those guys one laser down well they're down here they're so down here now that you're like all right when are they gonna do the thing they have been here you think that yeah yeah the government we just we just exposed we exposed so heavily that they're here now that we're like oh what and we're like yeah we've been fucking with them a little bit like the government is like we've been fucking with them dude that's I don't know man they did they did we talked about it on bad like doc brought up all these articles well the government's come clean now about so many unidentified things that we've been

remember they used to be like that's not true yeah they were pretty adam against it 10 years ago they were like it's true but it's under control that's nuts but there's they don't know they don't know the difference between a uap like a uap could also be a Russian technology like they're saying that it could we don't know

anything about it so it could be anything could be I think it's something else you think it's more likely it's from a it's from something another life form another thing that's like finally is interested in us again. That's like what's going on over there? I think the chances of two life forms, in all of time and space, that two life forms,

one of them was able to develop at the same timeline and speed as us to come and visit us. But why not? That we know of, it could have happened. Just the likelihood of all space and time. But it could have happened millions of times before we would never have known. Right. Well, that's what I mean. It's why not now? Sure. You're right. I'll give you that. Because it could happen. It could happen.

I'd like it to. Let's be taken over, dude. We're going to be taken over by AI and robots, so let's do it. Let at least let aliens do it. Would you, if an alien came down was like... Yes. You would. Whatever you're saying.

Really? Yeah, let's go. I'm cruising. Okay. What would I... What is it? Would you be the... Yeah, would you be the kid getting people, convincing people to get on the trains?

You know, the small Jewish kid going, no, it's okay, because they paid him $2. You know what I mean? It was $2? No, I mean, back, that's a lot of money back then. No, like, there's a book on it. Like, a kid that was, they would do the Nazis were higher... Yeah, higher Jewish kids. to get other Jews to believe in them.

So if the aliens were like, we're going to need you to... I don't think this is the same thing, but okay. Fuck, now it sucks. You did that too early. Now I get it isn't the thought. Who's the alien, dude? No, I know what you're saying. Yes, would I suck...

What I'm saying is Nazis don't exist. I wouldn't sucker anybody else into... But if they were like, who wants to come back... I'm like, let's rock, let's go. I'm down. Kiss my wife in the forehead and be like, I got to go check this out.

We're gonna, yeah, come with us and trust us. It's been a fun career. I think I could pack it up. I mean, I'd be like, dude, I did some fun stuff. I want to go see what's going on. Yeah, but also, if aliens landed, I don't think stand-up would still continue. No, they would love us.

I think they're a big fan. Yeah? We've seen Netflix. They love Netflix. I'm more of a Hulu guy. They bumping to me on the street. They're like, Bobby's mom. Bobby's mom.

And I'm like, dude, I told you they loved our shit. No, I would give it a whirl. I'd give aliens a go. Why not? I mean, who cares? You know what I mean? We've lived a good amount of life. My parents are getting older.

I think it'd be time to be like, let's check it out. And also, then they'd be write about you. Oh, you'd want to be in aliens history? 100%. You want to be? Way cooler there than here. Andrew. I don't care about Wikipedia here.

Give me some alien fucking. Yeah. That would be way cool. You're a, in some planet somewhere, you know? They're like, no. No, that's not Macing me. What was that? No, that's, like, cone heads was like that.

Yeah. I love that. Damn, you remember Mac and me? Oh, yeah, dude. So good. There's not a lot of depictions aliens. That was one of the creepier ones. E.T., I think, broke the mold for what people were, like, people thought.

That was the best version of an alien that didn't look like it was going to kill you. I was like, that's pretty good because it made it a pop belly. Very smart to make him fat. Like, he looked like a Midwest dad. Yeah, they should have given him some, like, loose hairs. Yeah, like, he's balding. Is he wearing new ballads? Is he wearing glasses?

What is going on? Yeah, he's got nubes on. Just a Marlboro light sitting out of his mouth. Like this alien. Rocks, a relatable alien right here. No, I think we'll be around for a while. I don't believe in any of it. But you know what?

It'd be fun to see if they come down and have some fun. There's always the, there's always a... The what if, huh? Not even just aliens, but I think every guy has had this fantasy of what would I do? If a Tyrannosaurus Rex jumped into the movie theater right now, or if, like, the world was ending, where would I go? would I go to the city or I do this? Like there's a survival

that we kind of crave. Where do you go? Where do you go? If the world starts getting at war, like everything, war everywhere, where do you go? War? I would leave, I told my wife, we would, I would leave,

she didn't ask. I remember this, because I remember talking to her about, like, last night where I was like, what I would do, I'd leave the beaches. You got to get away from the water. Get away from the water. Get away from the water right away

because any, like, end of time's event is the water's going to rise or it'll recede or it'll fuck up. The coast will get fucked up. Right. And then I just go to the, like, somewhere in the middle. Highest point you can find? Well, that's a good point.

Yeah, hike up. Go up. Yeah. We go up to the mountains here. That's what I would do. I'd go high as high as I could. Grab a couple guns, get to the top of the mountain. Yep.

Just get a bunch of three pebbles. A lot of canned objects. Just hope for the best. Yep. That's it. Get away from the cities. Get away from the coasts. Yeah.

Well, where they were. It sucks. We're by both of them. Yeah. Yeah. We are in Target 1 and Target 2. 100%. They're getting us.

It's you guys than us. Yeah. I remember what I've talked about. She goes, well, what if we lived on Long Island? And I'm like, oh yeah,

no, the nuclear blast wouldn't hit us there. If they hit Manhattan, no, we'd be good on Long Island. Long Island, one way in, one way out. We'll get to the Hamptons.

Why don't we just go in the Hamptons? Arguably the worst place to go would be Long Island, New York for the apocalypse. Like that, like when you do go out to the tip, when you go way out,

like by the Hamptons, anytime I have a driveway out there, I'm always like, this is, this does feel like an apocalyptic movie stuff it's no way you can't there's nowhere to go not even north or south happened you're done yeah over that's such a weird feeling I think about that

once in a great while when I'm traveling that I'm like yeah this survival stuff you're right that you're like I'm like how do we get out of this and yeah something weird happens yeah it's fun to it yeah you're like fun to fantasize how do I how do I how do I yeah and apparently women don't do it no no no no because they rely on you to do it yeah well they're dealing with well they're dealing with more realistic things, like how to manage life. And we're like, how do we figure out an escape room? She catches

me doing it. My wife catches me doing that a lot where I do. When I think, I'm expressive. So I'll have thoughts like that and I'll be in the house and I'll just be like, like, like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm saving our lives right now. Shut up, shut up, I'm figuring, I'm doing math right now.

14 guns, 16 11, 48 bullets of gun. Yeah, you're doing the necessary evil. You're doing what needs to be done. felt that way when I went to Australia for the first time. I went last year for the first time. That's great, right? So cool. I did, you do New Zealand? I did. We did, Auckland. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did Auckland.

I did Auckland and then Australia. We did Auckland last. Did you? We did it like two cities in. Yeah, why did we do that? Just weird. Yeah, weird plat. They usually are. That's what everyone joked about when I was there. They go, oh, thanks for coming here because you're going to Australia. Well, I go, yeah, that's part of the route, you know. Auckland was cool. I love it. There was the might more than any of, than any of city in Australia the nice people I've ever met I went to an all-blacks game

yeah yeah it was soccer oh no no I went to an all-blacks rugby game oh blacks yeah I do the o'clock and all that shit fucking why and I sit down and I get they give us like court side did you guys I wonder if you use the same people probably the Australian guy well which guy shrimp what's the promotion promoters yeah who's the promoters shrimp was one of the guys names that I don't think that was him shrimp right That, yeah, that was our guy there. Shrimp's one of our dogs. Did he bring you out, like, Sydney Harbor?

Do you have a little boat he brought you on? He was the same one that Bert used. Whatever they get, I forget their names. T.E.G. Yeah, Dainty, T.E.G. No, I don't think so. Yeah, they were rad, though. Our guys were awesome.

Yeah, apparently when they had Bert, he brought Bert on his Sydney Harbor like that, and I guess Bert Krecher was just sitting on a tube, and they had to have a little dingy, circle him to keep the sharks away from him for, like, two hours. So he's just, like, on the whole. water like that.

Such an idiot. It's so funny. They brought us on the boat and I was like, they're like all the seafood platter and I was like, I don't feel like swimming, I'm good, I'm like, I'm just chilling. I'm like, I didn't maximize Australia at all, but New Zealand was like the nicest. I sit down, Maori guy sits next to me, huge, like pushes me into my seat and he goes, sore about that might. But they have like the sweetest voices.

They would be the biggest guy in the world and he's like, it's good guy, isn't it? Like it's really funny. Kind of sweet people. And I go, buddy, I go, I go, I was like, I'm gonna try and find the joy in this. And I was like, dude, I go, I don't mind. that I'll take up as much as you want, but I just need help. You need to explain the game to me. The whole game, he was like,

now that's a scrum, this won't be, blah, blah, blah. And it was just such an awesome experience. Australia was great. It reminded me of America, but the people were just more Americanized. New Zealand was very, like, polite and calm and stuff. New Zealand's great. We had a, we had a, we had a, we didn't go to,

we went to an all-white game. No. We don't do all blacks. Did you, do you, guess, guess, guess, the name of their basketball team? All-whites? No. the tall blacks? Oh yeah, tall blacks.

It's not a joke. No, it's true. The tall blacks. It's the tall black. And it's just to play on the fact that they're all blacks. Tol blacks, tall blacks. And then we got the Tollblocks. Yeah, Toblex.

You got a good New Zealand. Yeah, New Zealand. Yeah, you might as well, dude, if you're going to have fun. I mean, we went to, no, not with you guys. My parents, we went to a Aussie rules football, which, uh, holy fucking shit, dude. What does that mean? Just more intense? Dude, it's impossible to figure out.

Really? Football meaning soccer, yeah? No, it's like, it's like. rugby football soccer combined. Whoa! Al Zee rules football was impossible to explain. I can't... I don't know what's going on. It was a massive

circle. I couldn't... I can't... I don't know. We weren't. I bought tickets and we went. In Melbourne. What other sports gun to your head? I would say rugby, if you had to like officiate a game and not get anything wrong or gun to your head or you die. Not get anything wrong? No, no. I don't think they currently can do

that. Yeah. I would say like if you had to know the rules for a game, gun to your head, I would say I couldn't do rugby. fucking cricket. What the fuck? You gotta hit a stick. Yeah, no. Cricket, I don't understand.

There's many days. I don't understand that. No, just grabbing it one-handed. Yeah. You know, like that. Yeah, rugby, cricket. What's the other ones? Well, Ozzie Rolls you wouldn't get.

Ozzie Rolls was really tough. The first time I ever heard of that. What is it? What are you looking at up? Yeah, it looks crazy. It's, it's, it's, um, the poles, you know, the multiple poles, they got to kick through in the thing, and it, and mostly it's a lot of fucking kicking. And it's like kicking from different angles, and I was super good.

Like, they'd cheer, so we just started cheering. But I was like, nothing looks like it happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I guess it did. Also, it looks hard. It looks insane. If it was a sport that you could, what about a sport that you could know every call, that you know, that you would be very confident you could referee.

Baseball. That's mine. Yeah, I would say, I say baseball. I watch a lot of John Boy. I watch baseball. I watch it every day. I'm like, I think my wife is sick of it. During baseball season, it's on at the house in the background.

My MLB app is wide open. Really? Well, I'm a diehard Cubs fan. I watch almost every game because my dad, me and my dad, my cousin, text every day about... I just like it. It's like a family binding thing, too. We always chat about it.

But baseball is our number one. Is it? It's not even close. I love baseball videos. I used to watch more baseball. I used to go to the Yankees games all the time. I went to this 2000 World Series, Subway Series, Game 5 on the Yankees won at Shea.

My dad last came... Core memory. Comes home, two tickets. and I fucking freaked out, cried, fat. I remember seeing the pictures later on. I'm like, let me see the picture of me and you, dad, at the game. I was like 12 years old. I was like, I was a fat kid and not even smiling.

And I'm like, I don't want to see this. My memory of it was way better. But it was like, it was just so cool. And I just, there's a lot of memories to baseball with a lot of. Me too. For me, it's more like, yeah, I took my dad of the World Series. That's also I looked like shit during that. I was filming.

So I had like my massive beard and I was all scraggly. And like, I looked like shit. So I'm like tired because I just got off the plane. so I look like a fat swollen muff You know my dad's like bright Like well showered You know what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah

And I look like shit So funny and that's a in our in my parents' basement I'm like I wish it was a different photo And I wish it was a better photo too Because it was like cell phone to a guy Before we walked in the game like Hey we're talking about you? That's what that's what I think adds to the magic of it

Yeah that it looks like shit It does it does it does But no Those have core memories to me forever Of like on tour going to games by myself Or bringing like a feature that I meet Because I used to just go tour every baseball stadium. I've been to like, I don't even want to know. I used to collect a hat per

stadium. Whoa. Yeah. I don't even know. I'm probably only missing a handful, like truly. New Yankee, no. No, New Yankee, no. I don't like the New Yankee stadium. The old one dude in the Bronx with the cobblestone streets. Everybody says that they don't like New Yankee. It's just corporate. Yeah, but that was the way the world turned. You know what I mean? There's how many are left that are old? Right. Brigley. Even now is pretty fucking corporate looking. Outside of it, yeah. I remember living there. I lived two locks from Wrigley. I would hear the boss every summer. You know what I mean?

From my roof, I would see Bair, I was born to... Lights go up. That's awesome. It was really cool. But I remember when it was that it's like... 2012, 2013 when I was there. I remember it being grimy.

I remember bleachers, all the bars that were there that could... I don't know how... They just have like old leases that they were there. These old grimy bars. And now they got rid of all the streets. It's all like Times Square now. It's like pay.

and vendors and this. Yeah, they turn it into Gallagher Way, which is like a very, like, organized. It's bars and hotels. Yes. You know, they had to. They had to because it became, it just became, it's so popular to go.

But there's, there's a beauty to, like, the old, like the old stadiums. I remember, like, the smells and, like, even Shea. I would go and work for at Shea Stadium in the summers when I was, like, 12 years old, and I loved that, the vibe. Oh, yeah. I loved all the old stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, those days are, I mean, you know, it's those days are dead and gone. You're not going to get that because now super stadiums are going to be built. Now every baseball stadium that is it's going to emulate what happened in football, which is you have to build a mega venue, right? Like we just did. We played bad friends played at SoFi.

They have a theater inside of SoFi Stadium. That was how many people? I don't even know. It's like here, let me look up the exact. Yeah, it's the YouTube theater. There's a theater. There's a theater. This is insane.

You wouldn't even know this if you've ever been to Sofi, I'm sure. No. But SoFi is incredible football stadium. but 6,000 seat theater inside of SoFi. Whoa. It's on one end of it. Like basically it would be under the bleachers. Under the bleachers.

Yeah. It's underneath. Okay. So they've got to repurpose it. Yeah. Because SoFi is underground. It's not at street level. You enter Sofi, your street level of Sofi is like halfway up the stadium.

Whoa. So it's all buried down. So all of that dead land around it in space was like, it's parking stuff. And then, you know, what do you call it? Like transpose stuff. NFL offices. Yeah, offices. And there is a 6,000-seat theater in the basement, and we played it.

It's crazy. Really? Beautiful. Yeah, it was nuts. But this is the future. It's like, they have to build these like, yeah, multi-layer, you know, like if the bears get a new stadium when they go, they're going to have to build something insane to make up for all that money it's going to cost to build these fucking things.

You know, it's got to be like for concerts, which it always was, but it's got to be really outfitted for like concerts, movies, live events, you know. touring. It's the most expensive theater in the world, or a stadium in the world at $5.5 billion. So far? Wow. Yeah. Dude, you got to go once.

It will blow your brain at how unbelievably beautiful it is. I mean, it's like, it's a engineering masterpiece. Like, it looks, it looks like a spaceship, and then you go inside, and it's stunning. There's, like, full, the concourses have, like, full atriums of, like, trees and stuff growing by the, by the concessions. Really? Yeah, you're inside, because you're indoor, outdoor. It's mind-blown.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah, no, they did a good job, dude. The guy, they knew exactly what they were doing. But, again, this is going to be the future. Your kids are never going to see old shitty troughs that you piss in. Yeah. That's gone forever. Yeah, it is kind of nice to know that my child will not have to see a penis before he wants to.

Correct. You know? If he wants to, you better know one. You better not want to! I mean, that was such a moment as a kid where you're like, your dad taught you. how to piss out of trough. And he's like, you stare straight ahead and you do not look anywhere else.

And then when you're done, you waggle and put it in and walk away as fast as you can. Whoa. I wish I would have had that. Your dad was like, look at everybody's and make kissy sounds. Hey, pick your jaw from Floyd, G.G.

I did say, I did say one time, as a young teen, you're still nervous to pee in those things. Even though you're becoming kind of a young man and you, like, have confidence as like a 13, 14 year old. Yeah, but your dick is. new. Your dick is too new.

So new. But it was cool to see other grown men's penises that were either comparable or smaller, because I was like, oh, I'm doing fine. Yeah, yeah. Whoa. It was like a confidence. You saw grown men dicks and you're like, I'm doing pretty good down there? Good for you, buddy. Yeah. Well, because not every grown man is a nice penis,

dude. Some guys have little weeners and you're like, bigger than that guy. And 14, I was like, that guy's got a little penis, dude. That's suck. Imagine he just saw that from the side of his eye. Just some kid gained confidence. at him. The fuck? Jesus Christ.

Dad, look at this guy's dick. I thought you said they get bigger when you get bigger. Mine's not done yet. You guys 55 years old. Yeah. Yeah, that is a testament to young men. It's a part of like the young man growing up of like, get over it, locker rooms. Da-da-da-da-da.

You just had to, that's never going to happen for kids ever again. That was a real fear of mine growing up. I thought I would have to shower with boys. What did you play? What sport you play when you were? kid. Did you play anything in high school or anything? I tried. I mean, I did a lot of baseball when I was a kid. Yeah. And then I tried football and then I got knocked out. I didn't like that feeling. I remember they were like all giddy like, like, yeah, you're propped a cherry. Come on,

guys, let's cheer for them. And I'm like, this doesn't feel right. Yeah, I quit right away. Three weeks into football, I quit because I got, I didn't like being passed out. I know I got a concussion. I hated that. It was, it was, I didn't like the feeling. I didn't ever, you know, but yeah, it was like baseball, but did you have to shower with other sexy little boys? Basketball, basketball, and high school basketball. Yeah, you. They wanted you to shower. They didn't care if you did. Who did that?

What's his name? The coach. He's always like, make sure you get in front of the camera when you guys are show. He's like, thanks, Coach Johnson. He goes, call me Mike. Now, he'd always be like, shower up.

Go shower up. Don't be sticking ass and hanging around. I used to, I had an old joke. That was like one of my first jokes in my old set was, I was like I played basketball in high school, which means I showered at home. That's great.

Yeah. That's funny. It's like, you're one of the only white guys and you're like, you know, I think I'll take this to the house. I think I'll take this to the house. I did, I just never, I thought it was going to be like every day after gym class, we'd have to shower with other guys. Oh, that was like a fear, yeah. Fear going into high school and then being like, no, you just change. Yeah. Well, because that was like movies like Porkies if you ever, if you're, yeah, it would make you feel like high school, you have to shower.

Everyone's going to see your penis in ninth grade. Also, unmanageable with a time schedule. Like you'd get out of gym, you'd have six minutes to get somewhere. You're like, how could I show? shower. Sweat. Put on clothes and get to a class. That would be impossible.

I still found myself late all the time. My high school, I could never get somewhere on time. It was a big school. We had 4,000 kids. Whoa. It's huge. Chicago. Yeah, it was huge.

But there's also twin. There's another one like that, not far away. No, this was in the burbs. I went to high school in the burbs. Okay. Yeah. But even still, yeah, the high schools are all over Chicago, or massive. So 4,000 kids.

If you had a class somewhere else, you were fucked. you were totally you were like I'll just be late and get yelled at there was no way to get yeah I mean they try to plan it and you're blocking so you're near where you're supposed to be but it's not always manageable because you're like coming from somewhere all the time it's just big there's too many fucking people yeah yeah quit school kids drop out it's not worth it get rid of it yeah this guy went to community college for two years and look at him now he's killing it hell yeah who needs who needs I got watches that don't work but they're pearl yeah you know I got watches that don't work

one of the first thing you say you can just pay someone to put a battery Yeah, as a battery. Well, I said, it's a great watch. I said, oh, that's nice watch. He goes, it doesn't work. I said, well, it's pretty easy to make it work. He's got to fix it. Anyways, I can't fix it until I go to Detroit.

But there's, you know, there's certain things about, like, I don't want to lose certain things. Like, like, for a while, I was still doing laundry at a laundromat before we got, like, an in-unit thing. My wife was like, it's a crazy way to live. And I'm like, I find peace in writing between laundry, you know? You are. That's an idiot move. Yeah, stupid shit like that. Okay, well, you know what?

How about this? I'll take you up on your bullshit. Okay. Why don't you sit in the back of the plane, middle seat then? Fuck off. Yeah, okay. Well, shut off then. I have.

I think two weeks ago, I did, when I was doing the Great Outdoors Festivals, my wife, my sister, different person. Whoa. I do that sometimes. That's a bummer. I know, you know? You got to cut that out. Especially physically. Yeah.

Because they have different tits. You're not my sister. I did that recently. I had to fly from like Edmonton to Alberta or Cana Calgary. Mm-hmm. And it was like a recline airlines or some shit like that. It was a weird airline. That's a short flight.

It's an hour. A hour and a half. Yeah. But then I sat down in a seat and it was a middle seat. Well, this was actually window and a woman sits down and goes, I, this is not supposed to be here. And I was like, no, I am. I'm, you know, 23F or whatever.

Calls the flight attendant over. She goes, I'm with my children. I don't want a man sitting with us. Seriously? I swear to God. And I go, and I, so I just sitting there, and somebody had just recognized me. So they're seeing me and they're laughing while putting their shit away because I'm just like, super uncomfortable. Yeah, like, she's talking to her about me.

And then, like, her daughter was then in the middle seat. And, like, she goes, I don't, and she goes, ma'am, so did you buy this ticket? And she goes, no, but I just don't feel comfortable with a man sitting next to me and my children. And she's like, you didn't buy the seat. He bought the seat. So he's going to sit here. And then the flight of him looked at me. She's like, like that.

And I go. it's okay I just sat there and then the little girl Why didn't she switch with the little girl and just sit next to you? No I was in the window seat No I'm saying, the little girl was in the middle seat one The little girl was in the middle Yeah

Why didn't she just switch with her so that way the mom's next to the Yeah I don't know what a weirdo No I grabbed the girls arm I go Keep her here Yeah You're going nowhere Here's your ticket's just middle seat I mean that's just an insane reaction

It was and then I remember texting my wife about it Like frantically Like I don't know who to talk to so I was like Nothing Look out the window. And then the little girl kicks my seat and the tray falls down. And I see this as an opportunity where I'm like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to be the dick. I'm not going to be like, come on, lady.

So instead I go, I struggled to get it back up for like two minutes. The girl is losing her mind laughing. I just keep going, what the heck? What the heck? Holding up my foot. And I'm like this. Oh, good. I win the girl over.

She's follows. We're watching stuff on my laptop. She's occupying her. I give her a bear out of my bag. It was like the coolest. I got a bear from the Hyatt. They go, thanks for staying with us. Here's a bear in a plastic bag.

I give it to where the mom thanks me at the end of it. I was just that this was the mom. This was what she didn't want to happen. And now I'm petting her child winking at her. Dude, it was, I called my, because I didn't have internet. It was a shitty flight. So it was a 90 minute flight, but then I get laying. And my wife's like, are you okay?

What happened with that bitch or that lady? And I was like, actually, one of the most magical moments in my life. And I remember thinking I had this moment. where this kid she starts laughing the mom goes like that to me and I'm occupying the kid I give her the bear and I remember thinking to myself this plane is going to crash now yeah I had a full character arc yeah God was done with you fucking lady to ah everything's good now yeah like 100% was gonna die and she goes I told you as it's crashing no dude I had a terrible on the way to I got on the way to London I got toverted to go to New York then they've

of these tornado warning, which was such a crock of shit, because it was for like an hour and then went away. But they took us down to Atlanta. I get to Atlanta, and as we take off from Atlanta after an hour and a half of sitting, because it's clear to New York, my flight to Scotland gone. So I had to stay an extra night in New York, so I'm like, great. Now I get to New York. They've lost my bags, which I'm already bummed about. So lost, not even like, it's not. No, I have air tags. I put air tags in all my shit now. So I see where they are, but they're nowhere near me. Because the flight didn't go to Edinburgh, but they're tagged for its final destination.

They kept it overnight because they rebooked my flight. So they re-tagged it for another flight. Who cares about all this information? Anyway, by the time I get to my hotel in the city, it's now like 2.30 in the morning. Like, I'm recklessly tired. So I need to go back to JFK the next morning for a flight. You know what I mean?

Like, I went to the city. I was like, I'll hang out. You know, I booked a hotel, but by the time I got there, it was stupid too late. So I go back out the next day. And at this point, I'm excited. I'm finally getting to go to Scotland. This is crazy, by the way.

I've never had this in my entire life. I'm excited. I go to the lounge. I have a little bit something to eat and I get a drink. I get a drink at the lounge. And I'm chatting it up with this older woman who's also going to Scotland and this beautiful old lady. And we're just chumming it up. We become friends fast. We're sitting there each other. And she's never been. So I'm telling her where to go in Edinburgh. And I was like, oh, and you're going to love this. And oh, you should go to this place. And I'm having a day. I'm like, I'm like feeling it. I'm like, the server is flirting with me. And he's, you know, he's like a Dominican guy who's like, he's like, anything else you need, baby. And I was like, like, no, no, no, and I broke him off some good money. I'm feeling good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'm going to the gate. I wait, because I don't have any carry on, it's all checked. I wait to the last minute to go to the gate because whatever, not like closing time, but like

when everyone's on. Yeah. Why do I need to get, I don't, I have nothing with me. I mean, I can't agree with that. Because I'm a fucking wound. See, I don't get it. Why am I sitting on the plane if I don't have luggage in the overhead? I don't need to be on there.

I don't need to be on that. Yeah. I'm not, I didn't, all I had was my backpack. It's like, I'm fine. So I get on the plane. I'm sorry, I get to go up to the gate. Three people at the gate. I don't know what kind of fucking day they were having.

But I'm like, hey, hey, I do one of these. I'm excited. I'm going to Scotland. I'm excited. Dude, let me just stop me to say this. I hate you. I'm going to Scotland. If I may, you for the first time, and you're going, hey, hey, hey.

You just, you can smell it with just a one whiskey, you know. Hey, hey. I'm excited, dude. Door is closed. Yeah, you would be. You would be. You would be. You're a piece of shit. You should work at the airline. I'm in a good mood. I'm trying to instill some happiness.

I go, hey, hey, I beat my shit. And then the girl is like, sir, come here. Please, sir. As I'm walking through. She's Asian. Yeah. Half Chinese and half Japanese. And then I come back, because I've seen it when green, I go, oh, did it didn't go through? And she goes, no, come here. I was like, oh, shit. I'm like, do you want me to beep it again? And then the guy's like, where were you coming from?

And I was like, what? New York? What do you mean? Where am I coming here? Where are you coming from? I go, what are you saying? Where were you earlier today? I go here at the lounge, downtown, what? He's like, you were in the lounge? I said, yeah, I just came from the lounge.

Why, is something wrong? He's like, how many drinks did you have? I swear to God. And it took a lot out of me to not be like, hey man, I'm 42. I've been drinking for a long time. One drink isn't gonna make me drunk and like, I wasn't like wobbling.

I was like in a good mood. Just friendly, yeah. No, dude, I just had four. fucking hello. And he's like, he's like, well, to be fair,

he said, Hey, hey, I don't even know if that's what I said, but it was like that. It was like, hey, what's up? Cut to the footage.

You're going, Hey, hey, what's up, fucker? Beat my shit, bitch, I'm fucking punching. But I was in such a calm, you didn't give her any money.

It's a calm, fucking mood. And this guy's like, how many drinks have you had? And I was like, what? I'm like so absurdly, like, thrown off by this.

And I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, we have to make sure everyone's okay to get on the flight. You seem like you've been drinking. I was like, no way, dude. I was like, hey man, I don't want to do this. This is crazy.

I was like, what is going on? And he's like, well, we're trying to check everything. I go, all right, man, have a good night. I was like, I'm out of here. I was like, this is nuts. And I walk on the plane. And I was sitting there waiting for someone to get on the fucking plane. Because a piece of me was like, get the cops.

Get the cops. Get the cops. And just be stone cold. No, no, because I know. Yeah. One of the cops will go. Oh, well, it's all. dude, bad friends.

And I'll go, yeah. What the fuck is that about? Yeah. I had one drink. Like, I'm not, it's not like, dude, if I'm, if I had been over served, I'd feel bad about it and been like shit, dude, I was a little. Dude, I had one cocktail at dinner. And I was in a good mood. And it's like, that guy bummed out my mood.

But for a second, I thought, this is how it starts. He'll go, yeah, he was acting erratic. You know what I mean? Like, how easily he could have lied into me being. And then I have to be like, I'm fine. What are we talking about? And then the whole plane is like, he's hammered. Yeah.

They always see the clip from that poem. Oh my God, but it spun through my head as I'm at the desk. I go, what do you talk? I had one drink. What is going on? Like I leveled into like angry dad mode. Like I can hear my dad being like, excuse me? Like I leveled back to like, fuck you.

I didn't do anything wrong. I'm in a good mood. Going on a plane do where I'm trying to get to. That by the way, your fucking airline, fuck me over. They turned my flight that was 1 p.m. into 6 a.m. It was insane. I was like, I'm in the best mood I could be in. Given the circumstances.

Yeah. Yeah, I was going to have fun. Anyway, Delta can eat my shit. No. Oh, is Delta, huh? No, no. It's not a big deal, but I was like, I've never experienced that thing

where I've seen online. It was power trip. It was so wild. Have you ever worked in customer service? Oh, dude, yeah. There's no better feeling than when you can't help somebody. Yes. When somebody calls and it's out of your reach

or it's out of your capability or it's something that they didn't do on their end, there's nothing better than going, I actually can't do anything about this. Can't do anything about that, man. So some people enjoy that part of it, where they get to have that power. He had some power.

And I've worked in it for you. If somebody was nice to me, I'm on that ride. But if anybody was a dick to me, well, then I'm going to be a dick to you. But I was not a dick. That's why I thought, what a weird attitude change for them to be like, you've been drinking. It's like, well, yeah, I mean, I'm going on an airplane. Yeah. I was at the airport.

I try and do the opposite. Like, the urge for anger in those situations, I try and go, I'm going to make them feel bad about being mean to me by being super nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it always makes me feel bad. letter. That's something my wife actually taught me was kill them with kindness more than nine times out of ten. They're going to feel like shit on their own time later on. If I was too kind, they'd be like, he is hammered. Yeah. And we'd be like, guys. Hey, hey. What were you doing earlier? Thinking about you, buddy,

what are you doing? You know? This guy's blacked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no winning in that situation, except for me walking away and being like, I had one drink. I'm not, this is insane. You ever had somebody, and you ever see somebody that's wasted that's trying to be serious? Oh, yeah, dude. Excuse me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know you're talking to you? Like that guy? No, I was so normal about it, but I was just shocked as if I had stumbled up or like, I think it's only because I was late to the plane or I was after boarding.

It's an embarrassing call out too. It was weird. It makes you feel like juvenile, makes you feel immature. Juvenile. I was like, dude, I'm a grown up. This is nuts. Also, by the way, I never, he knows this. I don't drink at airports.

Like I don't. I don't ever drink. This was like the first time I was like, you know what? I'm with this lady. I'm going to Scotland. I'm gonna have one in the, you know what I mean? I'm gonna have one with dinner with this old cute lady I just met who I've given like nine. I'm like being such a sweet citizen.

That was that guy's mom. He saw you. Yeah. He was trying to fuck my mom in the long. Sir, come back here, Ristaking. It was crazy. How long did you talk to Trudy? It was so out of pocket, dude.

And then I got on in the flight attendant was chat with me and I told her the situation. She was like, really? I was like, yeah, I'm... Wild. She was like, you don't seem intoxicated. I was like, no, but when the door's closed, you gotta get me a drink. Damn I was like you gotta

You gotta liquor me up now So I go to bed Yeah there you go Because I killed my buzz What a bummer Yeah it was a buzzkill But I've never had that I've seen it online

And it's giving me anxiety When I watch those videos Because guys think they're not drunk And they're hammered Yeah And you know what I mean And the cops come And like buddy

You're gonna ruin the flight You gotta get off the plane Yeah I hate that Oh this is not America And I'm like no Dude It was funny

I just had a I had a guy I have like subreddits and stuff. And a guy messaged he replied to like my wife made a post, I made a post. He replied to like five posts saying he didn't like my special. And I recognize that

as not somebody a fan, they're just looking for validation on my posts of somebody else going, I didn't like it either. Like he's just being a dick. So I just hit him up and I was like, hey man, I see you keep commenting and all this shit. Well, whatever. Sure. But maybe you should give it a shot because it says that you only you said yourself, you only watch the first three minutes

of it. So maybe you watch the whole thing. It's doing well. I was just like, you know what? I'm killing with kindness. He comes back at me and I go and also, and I said this because I looked through his search history, he was like, he's a United pilot. I go, also, we all know United is the new spirit. And I just like, I had like one beard and I'm like,

I'm gonna reply to this guy. And it loaded up, dude, like to him. So I shared that with my wife. I look at his profile that she messaged him and she's like, I made United Airlines aware of the way you're behaving on the internet. Just fucking with him.

How would we find him? No, but He probably thought it was real. He sent us a cease and desist on Reddit DM. Holy shit. Full, like, chat GPT, cease and desist. I go, not the chat GPT cease and desist. I go, buddy, when is jury selection? I'm having fun with him.

And he keeps freaking out and sending more things like, I will ruin your career over this. If you dare, a tat. And I go, no, man, I go, this is very serious, dude. Do you think that what kind of judge you think you want? Like, I was like really getting into it. He goes, that's none of, that does not matter. scope of things. And I'm like, he's flying

planes. Yeah. You know, that's what scares the shit out of me was he was freaking out. And I just looked at his profile two days ago and he was like freaking out about Indian people in America. And I'm like, all right, this guy. If he thought you were Indian. He's like, this is a Kuri Indian guy is my least favorite. It's a Kuri. It's Jeff a Kuri. That's why I hate you. It's just my name

phonetically sounds too Indian. It's just too dumb to understand the difference. Yeah, no, I can't believe you engage in that. That's I never do. That's the thing is, I literally, me and my wife were talking. I was like, this is why we don't. Yeah, if somebody's like, you suck, you're not funny. I'm always like, okay, I, yeah, and you can't give attention to them. Okay, dude, I don't fucking, that's an insane, I, okay, you suck, right on. Yeah, that's like somebody going up to art and be like,

this is bad. Yeah, out loud. Well, also, just don't watch it. No problem. Don't want. I don't care anymore. I really, I don't feel it as much anymore, but I remember, I remember me and Jordan Jensen talked about it when we first started posting online that we're like, we both agreed. We like, handshake agreement, like, do not reply to negativity. Can't. Because if you only reply to negativity, that's the only thing that are going to be people will just go, hey, you only responds when you're a dick to him. Yeah. So hey, you suck. It's better to overly respond to

people that say something nice. Yeah, but even then I'm like, I skip past those. I look for the guys that are like, not that good and I'm like, hey pal. I don't see any of that. I don't just mean like in the public setting if someone says something nice and they're like, hey man thanks, you got me through like a tough time. I was like that's the coolest thing of the world. It is.

If you don't like me, I don't fucking care. Like there's restaurants I don't like. You know what I don't do? I don't go fucking eat at them anymore. Right. Yeah, it's just like. a simple it's like that funny the idea is so simple that you're like I don't like that you're like right on so don't do that yeah don't do that anymore then then go away

but the problem is they actually do like it yeah enjoy the world of it that's why they're involved otherwise they would otherwise otherwise they wouldn't engage they would be like that's it I don't that's not for me like there's plenty of television I don't like I'm never going to go online and be like you know what show sucks like nah fucking don't watch it yeah you just stop watching it and never bring it up

I didn't get through the first step your wife was sopranos she's not gonna make a Reddit thread about it. She does how funny I go home and I see it. It's just her Reddit thread about how much she hates soprano. People who like it. No, dude, she's one of those people that if I suggest things, if I suggest something one too many times,

she won't do it because I suggest it. Ah, yes, just out of... I think we all do that. Yeah, we do. Yeah, you're going to love this. You're going to love this, and you're like, I'm going to love this, and you're like, I'm going to hate it. One more person tells me to watch The Odyssey. I'm never just went through this. Bobby, Bobby's like, I can't believe you won't go see it. And I'm like, I'm just not in a rush to see anything

right now. Like, that's all I was saying. I just don't care to go to the theater right now. He's like, you, fuck. And then finally he turns on me, and he goes, I don't want you to see it. Don't go see it. I was like, what are you a child? Like, that's so crazy.

As if you'd be like, whoa, how are you doing this right now? That's so funny. I'm disappearing from the photo. That's every time I want her to watch something, as if I push it too much. I try and get her to play video games a lot. It's like my mecca is trying to get my wife to become my male best friends.

Yeah. Just start dating guys, dude. Get over it. Leave your wife for a guy like you want. The sex, I wouldn't mind. It's just the guys. It's the dirtiness of a man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just the unkemptness of a man. Yeah, I don't want to... The video game thing, though, that's going to be tough for your wife.

She doesn't want to do that. She is. She's been doing it. Yeah, because you forced her to. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. She gets two hours in video games. What do you got around, uh, GTA or whatever? No, what the hell? I don't play video games.

You don't. No. There's a lot of, like, cozy games. Like, we start a farm to get. and we like organize what is Bobby does oh yeah started Valley he had the Bobby had the creator on there and my manager was telling me that he's like I'd love to have you to meet

him I'm like yeah he's like I've let put in hundreds of hours into that game so was my wife yeah I can't do video games I don't I get into it I get into the the strategy and the mathematics of a lot of the games I used to love it when I was a kid and then I just got to a place when they got to advanced and I was like nah there are a lot of games I don't play

they're too heavy it's too much yeah I can't sit there and be like and pretend to play a single player game, like, where I'm like, oh my God, where do I have to go now? Like, sometimes I stop, and I'm like, you're 38, you know, you're not really, though, you're fine. You're not a pirate. You're not a pirate. You're not really the pirate. I start saying that to my head. And then I'm like, yeah, what am I doing? This is stupid. But online, the rush of, like, ruining another guy's day. Uh, yeah. You love that. I love, like, playing with friends and fucking other people up. Like, it's so fun. I'm trying to get her into that, but she freaks out. She doesn't like,

she probably has other priorities. Yeah, I really got to stop pushing video games on her. Because I'll make her a watcher video on my phone of a video game coming out. And she'll do this. She'll go, wow, that's cool, hon. Like that? And I'm like, oh, man, I'm showing a video to my mom right now. Good for you, Jeff.

That's nice. I love that for you, babe. Like that, those ones? And this is what you like to play? Get her off the video games, dude. Let her live her free life. All right, listen, dude, I love you. Thank you for coming on the show.

Yeah, man. I appreciate you. I could drink 100 more, but we both have to live real lives. Please go watch a special. It's available right now on Netflix. Please, guys. It's streaming now on Netflix, and also he's on tour for the rest of his entire life. He's never going to not be on tour.

You can go get tickets at hot sexy manboy.com. Is that what it is? It's an org, but it'll still reroute to that. Jeff Rourkeh.curi.com slash Andrew Santillo. Go to jeffrachry.com. Check out his tour. Check out his special. Go see him live all over this beautiful country. And we end the show the same way. You look into that camera. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode. One word or a phrase. Pumpernickel.

In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's abugas. You want me five dollars for the whiskey. $5 a horse. Ginger's all hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers. I like gingers.