Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ian Fidance

Episode Date: December 29, 2023

Happy Holidays gang! On this week's episode is our favorite little freaky elf the hilarious comic IAN FIDANCE! We get into some wild topics on this show. So pour yourself some of that spiked eggnog and dive in! Be sure to check out his & Jordan Jensen's hysterical podcast Bein Ian with Jordan! #ianfidance #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcast ====================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: RABBIT https://rabbitholedistillery.com/buynow GREEN CHEF Get our best deal of the year! $250 OFF YOUR ORDER https://greenchef.com/whiskey250 ROCKET MONEY Get Ride Of Useless Subscriptions! http://rocketmoney.com/whiskey ===================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Man, I gotta get keyed up a little bit. Hey man, we got a good one for you today on Christmas Day. It's Ian Fidance. This is one of the funniest comedians that I know in the game right now. A beautiful sexual entity, an origami of a human person that I've ever met. He has a podcast called Be an Ian with Jordan. It's so funny, so, so funny. Both of them are absolutely hilarious.

Go check him out in the new year. Check out the podcast. Check out him on tour. Check me out on tour this upcoming year. Me and Bobby Lee are going everywhere. We're going to be in Canada, Niagara Falls, Atlantic City, New Jersey. We're going to be in Tucson and Long Beach, and we end the tour in Vegas.

A bunch of dates up there. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Badfriendspod.com. Enough rambling from me. Merry Christmas. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Here we go, let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people to notice. I guess what I mean once again today, it's Ian Fidance. Yeah. How about that, dude? Being Ian with Santine. Yes. That's what we are doing now.

Yeah, kick Jordan out, by the way. She's done. She stinks. I love her. I do, too. She's the best. Probably one of the funniest cool comics out there. Sometimes comics are funny and they're not cool.

Yeah. And sometimes comics are cool and they're not funny. Yeah. She's a pretty big duo. And you are neither. Ah, thank you. I am hurt. No, she's the best hang.

She is great. It's so funny because we're best friends and we'd be hanging all the time anyway. Yeah. So hanging out in the basement's the best hang. She is great. It's so funny because we're best friends, and we'd be hanging all the time anyway. Yeah. So hanging out in the basement is the best. And then we finish recording, and we're like, all right, let's go get dinner. All right, let's go to a movie. What are you doing tomorrow? How would you guys meet?

How'd you guys meet? Man, years ago, I saw her at an open mic, and I thought she was so funny. And I had heard she had a road gig gig and I had heard she had a truck. And, um, I asked if she wanted to drive to the gig and open for me. And this was like six, seven years ago.

And we just listened to the misfits and chain smoke cigarettes on the way down. It was in Philly. It was a fucking best. We got, I got two cheese sticks. She got one. And then,

uh, we just became buds. She was a carpenter. I used to be a carpenter. She had a job she couldn't do cause she had surgery. So then we just became buds. She was a carpenter. I used to be a carpenter. She had a job she couldn't do because she had surgery. So I did it for her. And we just started hanging out. And then during the pandemic, we got close where I would have dinner, movie nights at my place.

And I'd have friends over and I'd make them dinner. What would you make? Salmon. Ooh, salmon. Cedar plank? No, basically the same thing. I only know how to pan sear it. Oh, you pan it.

You pan it's fine. Pan it. Cut it. Put gorgonzola in it. Yeah. A little bit of gorg inside the salmon. Yeah, some pankos. Crust it.

Yum. Wow. Delicious asparagus. Ooh. I used to really love cooking. Are you like a little chef? I can be a chef with maybe less than five things. I love making meatballs.

I love meatballs. Steak, salmon, chicken. Eggs. I can't eat half of that stuff anymore now. Why? I'm on Lipitor. For what? Cholesterol, dude.

Really? I don't know what's going on. I think it's the stress from missing you is really kind of causing my LDL to go through the fucking roof. Yeah, the doctor was like, oh, man, yeah, we got to get this under control. I said, dude, I don't eat bullshit. He was like, yeah, it could be hereditary, I guess, is a big part of it. Yeah, but also exercise, too, right? Yeah, I exercise.

What do you do? I jerk off. I'll stare in the mirror and jerk off feverishly until I can see my soul in my eye. Yeah, but also exercise too, right? Yeah, I exercise. What do you do? I jerk off. I'll stare in the mirror and jerk off feverishly until I can see my soul in my eye. Yeah. That's my elliptical. Do you do cardio? Yeah. Yeah, I do. I don't run anymore because

I have a bad back, but I'll do the elliptical. I'll do swimming. Sometimes I want to swim in the pool. I will go to swim in the pool. I will go to swim in the pool. I have not swam in a long time. Swimming's actually great. My grandfather swam until he died. Literally, like, swam up until he got sick. In the pool? He died in the pool. That's how he died.

He swam until he was done, and he swore by it. He was always in good shape when I was a kid. Old people love swimming. Well, because it's easy on your joints you know what do you do exercise what are you doing bicycle oh bicycle i ride a bicycle ironic or coincidental i should say because you are annoying annoying you're annoying in more than one way now you're but you're by you ride bicycles bipolar bicoast. Bicoastal. Bicoastal, bipolar, bisexual. Bye-bye, baby. It's Ian.

Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye. Also Biden. I'm from Delaware. Oh, you are? You're Joe Biden? I'm Joe Biden. Where am I at, man? You know, I wish you would run. I would put you in the office. Don't we need a president that smokes or drinks? Dude, how cool is it when Barack fucking ripped Marlboro? It was great. I like how people try it when Barack fucking ripped Marlboro's? It was great. I like how people try to call it out like it was a bad thing. You're like, what?

Because he's human? Yeah. These people are put into this box and they're robotic. All of our lives, you see these politicians as like these just, they are the original AI, right?

Yeah. Like politicians have always been so an amalgamation of like 50 humans that they've matched. Yeah, and they're like animatronics, like the Chuck E. Cheese guy. Happy birthday! Coming alive, coming alive. Yeah, it'd be nice to know if some of them had, it'd be nice to see a little bit of the regularness to these fucking guys.

Like Trump tried, but it was so far. I think that's why people took to him so much. But it was so far, that wasn't regular. So far extreme. Like a smoker, a guy that, you know, like a Winch and Churchill, loves drinking, loves boozing, you know? FDR, no legs. No legs?

What did he do? Rolled around the White House. It's not even wheelchair accessible. You know that they had to hoist him with ropes. What, like a dumbwaiter? Upstairs! Upstairs I will go! One second, sir!

The hunchback of the White House just pulling him up. I don't know why I assume that everybody before a certain time period, even here, had a British accent. Like, no matter what,

the way I speak, if it's something from that era, I'm always like, oh, yes, sir, we'll get right on it. They didn't sound like that, but did they? Oh, I'm from New York 1922.

New York 22? Yeah. Well, whatever the transatlantic thing thing was that's what i think is like the i wish we still had uh a little remnants of the western european accents because now we sound like shit yeah well this is nothing no accents are going to exist anymore like the new york York accent is, like, on its way out. Philadelphia accent, it's down the tube. Well, the city, see, this is what's weird,

the city accents, I think, will go away, but the suburban accents, the rules will still stay. Because, like, way, way out in Pennsylvania, they sound thick, dude. Yeah.

Well, dude, I'm from Delaware. I'm from Wilmington, and you go south, and people have Southern accents. Even though Delaware, the bottom of Delaware,

is right above the Mason-Dixon line. Well, that's because they wish they could still own slaves. Yeah, which is why I've been trying to move to southern Delaware for a long time. Subscribe to my Patreon! You want to support Ian getting himself back into owning a slave? Yes. Support his Patreon.

That's the only way. I'll do a fun old English accent. Oh, hello. Please go to the fields, mother. What? Mother? I don't know. You're a cuck for your slaves?

That's great. No, I think we needed a president. We would like, it'd be cool to have a president. It'll never happen in our lifetime but someone that's just a little has a few flaws that we're chill with well i mean dude you look at rfk jr he's like he works out he's got the voice the voice though yeah but isn't it funny do you remember howard dean someone address the country. It's too much. You couldn't listen to... Like, if someone attacked us and he had to make the speech, you would be like, get someone else to...

Oh, yeah. What are you doing? He sounds like he's constantly, like, clearing his throat while he's coming. Well, you're like, clear your throat. Just one time. Yeah. That. Just one of those.

Do you remember Howard Dean? Do you remember in 2004 paula dean my fucking hero oh the butter bitch princess love her no howard dean what about howard dean howard dean was a guy this is where politics used to be howard dean was a guy who everyone was really on board with them they were like you know i i think he's a better option than bush and carrie and he might be a great guy. And then he was doing a speech. He's like, we're going to go to Utah.

We're going to go to New Hampshire. And he made one off-putting noise, and everyone was like, no, not presidential. And then Trump's like, eh, they're rapists. And everyone's like, get him in office now. He literally was like, lock her up. Yeah. Everyone's like, this guy's the shit, dude. For some reason, he felt like rock and roll.

That's why he felt more rock and roll. But that Howard guy, I remember that moment of that, ah, when his voice cracked. It's funny to think how vulnerable America becomes when they see just a human make a little baby mistake yeah and then america's like oh no i feel so different about this person oh yeah we're completely still puritanical we're still fucking gross you know religious zealots in a way but the religion is now a new thing and yeah what is it now computers dude i don't know this is my religion dude right here this is my religion, dude, right here. This is my religion.

I live and die by it. When you first wake up in the morning, do you grab your phone? Yeah. Me too. Yeah. I'm trying to not. I hate it. I've had multiple therapists say don't.

Try not. Yeah. But if in the morning I have to shit skis, if I have to shit skis. I thought you said I have the shit skis. Right now. it's a common thing no no no in the morning if i gotta shit i gotta grab i'm gonna grab the phone dude can you sit on a toilet without a phone i've been trying to do books really yeah what are you reading i am say reading. Say Mein Kampf. Say Mein Kampf. The Koran. I am reading this great book by a guy named Siv who started the Gorilla Biscuits, seminal New York hardcore band.

But in 1986, he went on the road with another legendary New York hardcore band called Youth of Today. And he was a roadie with them. And it's his journal and his story, basically, for being on the road for an entire summer with a New York City hardcore band that, like, changed. They were really... Gorilla Biscuits?

Gorilla Biscuits was his band, but he went on tour as a band called Youth of Today. Gorilla Biscuits are amazing, dude. Just positive, good music get you going you know but it's called um tales from the road i believe or roadies tale and uh it's so interesting because they went on the road they were teenagers 18 right out of high school 1986 no gps no phones nothing literally in a van that they got for like 1200 bucks praying it doesn't break down and they go from town to town and build up this lore and everything is word of mouth and by the

time they get out west they're like the biggest band in the scene just from people calling their friends be like dude when these guys get to town you gotta go see them and they were just trusting kids that were booking shows to have their like life before them to be like well i hope everything works out when we get there there's no way to check in until we show up and nowadays it's like how many crowd war clips are you putting up before you can sell 90 tickets in cincinnati yeah it's fucking crazy yeah it's this crazy thing where you have to look at that fucking devil phone yeah the new The new religion. New religion. And they did it.

The only religion they had was the one true savior, Jesus Christ. Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan. Six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six. I'm reading. That's my guy. That is good. Well, I mean, I like shit like that. It's sexy.

I can read like oral histories or like something that is about someone's life that I'm interested in. I think those are called biographies. No, no, no. It's okay. We'll call it whatever you want to call it. But this has pictures in it too. Well, you're a big photograph guy. I'm a big photograph guy. This guy loves photos. I love them. My bedroom wall in high school covered in

photos of me and all my friends. The original Facebook wall. Really? Zuck the Cuck stole it from me. Fucking bitch. Yeah, I had a little, I would carry Instamatic cameras around and just take pictures. I love pictures. I have tons of photo albums at my mom's house. I have over

100,000 photos on my phone. 100,000? Yeah. Geez. I mean, well, I've dumped a few times, but let me try to see what I've, I have 6,000. That's bullshit to you. Yeah. 100,000?

How many gigs is your phone? It's like the buzzing of flies to me. What do you have, like seven terabytes of your phone? I mean, how could you have so many? Yeah, it's stupid. It's all in the cloud. I shouldn't. Yeah.

But I enjoy going back and looking at, you know, if I get like depressed or down, I'll go back and look at where was I on this date a year ago? Where was I two years ago? And where am I at now? Or like, I'll just kind of look through and like relive memories of good times or bad times to get perspective on things. What's the, what's the band or the song you go to when you feel sad when Ian's on a sad

day? Wow. Really? It depends. Recently it's been Ryan Adams' Walk in the Dark, which is a, I don't know if you've heard it, but man, oh man, is it a... I mean, almost everything by Ryan Adams

is a little heart-wrenching. It reminds me of New York in the fall. I got into him, I was in New York 2007, around fall, I was like student teaching, and I would listen to him on the way to class, just like leaves crunching under my feet so i always associate certain music and songs with like a period in my life that i can transform and go back to that's beautiful you don't do that i do

sometimes but i but i just find the saddest shit in my phone like what when i'm feeling well i lately i've been listening i like a lot of classical stuff. I've been listening for years to Ludoviccio Naudi. You know this guy? He's a composer. No. Yeah. I like this guy. I'm listening to a band called Gorilla Biscuits.

You think I know? Ludoviccio Naudi. These are two things on the scale of life. I like that. No, but I really like him. I saw him live out here. We went to his show live, which was fucking so rad. But yeah, I just really like composers as I've gotten older.

It's blown my mind about how peaceful such strong music can be. It's weird. It's like, it'd be like fucking taking a nap to heavy metal. Do you know what I mean? Like, it puts me in a very zen place, but it's extremely intricate and heavy and deep and twisty and yeah i don't know something about it i was just thinking about that listening to metallica on the way over here yeah because they're like one of my favorite all-time favorite bands and i'm like how did they come up

with different riffs for so many different songs they go run out and you're like it's just amazing the peace and the mysticism of the different music and beats and sadness i'm like but they make the drums go boom good makes me want to go hee-haw they do make the drums go boom good though yeah i saw them here do the sofi show i got invited to go to them to metallica at when this was like a month ago maybe that's awesome they were my first concert they were probably one of my first top ten concerts. You know what I mean? I don't remember the order. I mean, I know, first of all, the first concert

was definitely a rap show, because I know me. It was fucking hip-hop back then. Really? It was mostly hip-hop. It was either hip-hop or something like that. You know, something heavy. I never was into the middle stuff. I never went to just a regular rock band. I never really was into it

like i knew guys that like loved wilco like lived and died by wilco oh yeah yeah it was chicago you know yeah but like and i always liked it but i just uh for me it was either at that point in my life when i was young it was either like hip-hop or something heavy and insane yeah like you know who i kind of loved for a little while? Do you know Gogo Bodello? Do you know them? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not super familiar,

but I know them. But they're just so weird and a lot. I like that. That's kind of what I like. If I'm going to dip into another genre that I don't know a lot about,

I want it to be fucking weird as shit. Like Mr. Bungle? Yeah, Mr. Bungle. Yeah, dude. Just weird. Unusual. Speaking of which, you ever hear of him? Yeah, dude. Just weird. Unusual. Speaking of which, you told me before the show, I got this as a gift from a fan.

A fan who's very cool. And Ian brought it to my attention. We saw on the floor. This is Enter the 36 Chambers. It's actually titled Enter the Wu-Tang 36 Chambers, but we always called it 36 Chambers as a kid. But I got this signed by Method Man. That's so cool.

A fan gave me this. Thank you to that fan. That was so fucking rad. And you said today, even though this episode will already be out, this is the 30th anniversary of this album. Yeah. This is fucking sick. November 9th, 1993, this album came out.

Isn't that crazy? I mean, honestly, though, when you look at something like this, this is why this shaped my childhood, right? Bring the ruckus Shame on a Now what is this word I don't Shame on a There's an N and then an I

Ninkum poop Oh shame on a ninkum poop Dude honestly Clan in the front Protect your neck I mean Yeah Keep feeding him

And feeding him And sew his asshole shut I mean that like Made my cream It's just Unbelievable yeah i mean this whole thing really and method man his the self-titled track was absurdly you know you know it's funny i like see how good that was oh amazing amazing and the fact that they all went on to have their own prolific in one way or another careers yeah except the guy that cut his dick off oh what

was the name of that guy do you you know who I'm talking about? Mistake Man. Yeah, Mr. Mistake. Mr. Mistake. Was it Mr. Mistake? Mr. Mistake on the mic. And they're like, I feel like he's going to do something tragic in a couple years. Wu-Tang Affiliate. I know he wasn't one of the main. He cut off his

penis. Last month there was a bizarre story about Andre. Okay, this is weird too. Christ month, there was a bizarre story about Andre. Okay, this is weird, too. Christ-bearer. That's what he goes by. Christ-bearer Johnson, Wu-Tang Clan affiliate, cut off his own penis. Yeah. So unfortunate.

It wasn't the bread of Christ. It was the loaf. Well, his was a baguette, to be honest with you. And this says he was an attempted suicide. See, I thought he was. That is a gnarly way to go. Yeah, dude. Elliot Smith, knife in the heart, fucking Andre Christ-like. attempted suicide. See, I thought he was That is a gnarly way to go. Yeah, dude. Elliot Smith, knife in the heart, fucking Andre Kreis-like fucking suicide.

Bleeding out by his penis! Suicide penis! Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra! Suicide penis! Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra! Dude, it's insane to think that this guy thought that was the way out.

Of all the ways out, cutting off your penis to bleed out is the saddest to me. Like, that's his life source and it's like another version of it. You know what I mean? Do you think he was on drugs? No. Sober. Sober as a judge. It says it right here. Mr. Christbearer.

Mr. Christ Bearer. Hey, this episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery and their one-of-a-kind Kentucky bourbon and rye whiskies. You know I love sipping on this sauce, baby. That brown bourbon sauce. It's so delicious. Hear that? Bing. It's so good.

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And they do pull from toasted and charred barrels. It's not just one of the one of the other okay these guys are doing it the old school way in a new school format they got four distinct whiskey expressions today i've been sipping on of course that old school cave hill uh go to rabbit hole distillery.com slash buy now rabbit hole distillery.com slash buy now use the promo code rabbit for five dollars off your first order please drink responsibly this holiday season. Have fun. Pitchfork probably has the best version of this. By the way, this gentleman cut off his own penis.

He explains to this article, quote, I am the fucking Wu-Tang, which I don't think that's true. You're an affiliate. Yeah, an affiliate cut off his own penis, tried to commit suicide, and leaping from the story balcony of his north hollywood apartment which is like not too far in the valley here so he chopped his dick off then jumped i think he probably did simultaneously you know you just make the leap that would be cool wow it's crazy rizza gave an interview and he said what he did is incredible that shit sound mythical i feel sad for his family and foremost i know he has children i love what he said that shit sound mythical that's very what he did was so inspiring right I mean but no honestly not on drugs probably had a moment of mentally mental instability probably had a breakdown yeah probably had a little shakedown breakdown I mean I've had that moment I was in Paris

when I was in college smoking cigarettes, eating oranges, because that's all the food that we could find and afford at one point. And I remember sitting on a balcony, ripping a butt, thinking, should I cut off my penis and jump off this balcony? Whom star among us has never had the thought? Chez Paris! So dark. So fucking dark.

That's wild. By the way, I do get jealous of you when I see you ripping heaters because you know I used to partake. And when I came downstairs, where were we? Maybe it was Shane's show. Shane was warming up for a special. Is that where we were? Maybe.

Yeah, I think it was at Shane's show when we were at, what's that theater? I can't even think of that theater. Gramercy? Gramercy. Gramercy Theater. And we're in the basement, and you guys were all smoking, and I was jealous and annoyed, so I had to go upstairs. Because I was like, if I sat down there long enough

and were talking and laughing, I was gone. How long has it been? Well, I mean, I've slipped. But, I mean, since I was like really humming with them, years. It's been years, four or five years. But I've had moments, I'm, since I was, like, really humming with them, years. It's been years, four or five years. But I've had moments. I'm not going to lie.

I've had moments where I go into the little cave, the little cave of madness. The cave is so good. I know. It's so good. I know, man. But you're a Marlboro Red guy, which is always so sexy to me because, like, at one point, my dad and one of his girlfriends or wives, I don't know. You know what I mean?

I don't know. My dad. One of them. One of them. They would collect Marlboro Miles for me. Marlboro Miles, Camel Cash. See, Camel Cash wasn't as appealing because I knew more people when I was young that smoked Marlboros, way more. Everybody's parent that smoked, they smoked Marlboros.

The moms, or the stepmoms for that matter, usually smoked Lights. Yeah, moms aren't. Always the lights. Stepmoms, yeah. And then a couple of the dads either smoked reds or they smoked, what's the other one? My dad smoked Winstons.

We've talked about this? No. You know my dad smoked Winstons? No way. Really? My dad smokes Winstons. The smell of Winstons does something to me. I rarely smell them anymore because no one really smokes them.

But they do something to me. It smells to me like cloth seats in a car in the summer in Chicago. Oh, my God. There is a very vibrant smell to the way that an old cloth-seated car smells when the smoke is in it and the sun beats on it for long enough. It sits outside at a strip mall parking lot when we're inside having breakfast. And you get back in. It's somehow... It's hot, but it back in it's it's somehow it's like hot but it has a warmth to it but it's really comforting in the strangest way i don't even know

how to explain it's so strange i totally like makes you feel warm and okay and comfortable it's so straight my dad smoked wind and then his brother smoked paul malls unfiltered jesus i think that's probably the yeah that's probably like military type of shit you know yeah or like lucky strikes Attached to your helmet Or the guy that rolls his own cigarettes It's funny that in Europe people roll their own cigarettes And that's like the cool thing to do

Because you're young and it's cheaper and more convenient In America you roll your own cigarettes If you really can't rub a couple nickels You gotta be broke to roll your own Yeah but also I think a lot of people roll it Because the air of This romanticized version of what it's like This is what they used to be broke to roll your own. Yeah, but also I think a lot of people roll it because the air of this romanticized version of what it's like. This is what they used to be. Yeah, but you as a smoker, you know, you don't want to waste time.

Just give me the fucking cigarette. I just fucking pop it out. Fuck yeah. It's like a blowjob for my lungs. Hell yeah. But it's so funny to think. I know the romanticism of rolling something up with weed, because that was, for me, what it used to be. But the twist with cigarettes is almost, it's so much more inconvenient, and the payoff is not going to be better when you've smoked.

It's like, it's just not utilizing technology. It'd be like having a musket. You're like, just get a real gun, dude. You don't need to load it. That's insane. That would be. It's like, well, I'd like to do it. I do i'd like yeah just do just what they used to do no just get the one that pops immediately it just doesn't make sense i don't whenever i see someone

doing and i'm always like this is such a waste i don't want someone's grubby fingers all over the stuff i'm gonna smoke make a machine oh can i have a cigarette yeah sure and they lick it dude yeah i'm such a hypochondriac. When I used to smoke weed, I did hate, I was very weirded out by very communal joints. If it was a couple of people I was friends with, fine. But when it's going around to everyone, I'm like, I don't know, man. Dude, yeah, I forgot about that.

Everyone's doing it? Someone's licking that blunt and just putting it all over your tongue. Not just licking it. When you're licking a blunt, you're like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they're like soaking it licking a blunt, you're like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they're like soaking it. Yeah, and then you're like,

well, I'm getting high, that's all that matters. What? I guess it's all right, I'm just sucking on all these dudes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just make out with your friend and get over with. Well, I do. That was what we do when we get high. Why do you think we got stoned?

We're doing this just because we're high, right? Show me this right now. Did you get this more colored in? This? Yeah. Recent. Daniel Strauss, R&D, Tattoo Shop, Ridgewood. That's very cool.

It's the best. Thank you, bro. How old is this now? Maybe about a month. Yeah, I was going to say, last time I saw you, we didn't have that. That's rad. Yeah. Should I get a tat?

I don't have any. Should I get one? Yes. I ran into a guy. Why would you not? No, I have no reason. My only reason is that i don't know what i want that's literally it it's not like i don't want it and i or it hurts

i don't care i just don't i'm not good at that yeah some people are really good at being like i really like this aesthetic my friend chelsea she has a she's head to toe tattoos and she knows why she liked every one she got yeah i'm such an idiot i don't know i couldn't tell you dude me and jordan were at uh we were doing vegas and the first time we ever did vegas together the comedy seller vegas we were there for a week and there's this amazing chinese restaurant called ping pang pong so whenever stop i know this is i know this is a bit. I know. Ping, pang, pong. Well, that means Bobby Lee's home in Chinese. It is like what a Chinese character would enter on a sitcom 30 years ago. Like, ping, pang, pong.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they lose their mind. Yeah. And they're like, what's that in your hand? And then they mispronounce it Chinese-ily. So for like the laugh, you know. Kankueta. Ping, pang, pong. You know. calculator ping ping pong

you know it's true pass me the reddish will you ping pong pong so what this Chinese restaurant ping pong pong it's so good so delicious every time we're in Vegas we go there and we were in Vegas for skank fest

we went had so much fun and we me her and her were in Vegas for skank fest we went had so much fun and uh we me her and uh her friend who's now my friend Taylor we're all gonna get um from the chopstick package uh they have three different like illustrations for how to use the chopsticks and we're each gonna get one of those oh that's cool yeah so I got this oh that's cool to teach you how and I made the guy because I love American traditional that's that's cool. To teach you how. And I made the guy, because I love American traditional. That's like what all these are. You know, they're very like, they're on the wall.

It's flash, you know. And so I made the guy make it American traditional. Because it didn't look like that originally. No, no, no. So like the specific colors, the red bursts, whatever. So I got this and then they did not. They just bailed on you? I'm in the chair like and they're like you know we're good it's like well i'm just gonna get a lightning bolt i'm like that's a chopstick too i want to i want i definitely want to i just my buddy my buddy

nick introduced me to a guy who's famous out here and I don't know anything about the culture but I know but I do and I like the culture. I love tattoo culture. Well dude you should I should meet you you should meet Nick for real because you would love this dude. Yeah. He's tatted up and when we met when we became friends he had none like when we first met he had zero and then he got you know that he got the bug like they say he got addicted yeah and now he's had a doe and go. And there's a guy out here named Dr. Wu. Are you familiar with this guy?

That is a steely dancehall. He owns Ping Pang Pong, oddly enough. No, but Dr. Wu is this famous. He does really thin, delicate, beautiful. Ah, yes. Very thin, beautiful work. That's very, people are very much into that now. But it's super intricate, and it's extremely detailed.

Like his stuff is like, it's remarkable. It really is. Yeah. Obviously, it's a stupid thing to say, but it's art, but it's really. It is. That's not stupid. It is art. Yeah, I know.

I'm saying people would say no shit, but I'm saying yes. But sometimes I see tattoos and I go, that's not art. Yeah. That's a little sloppy poppy. Yeah, yeah. But this guy really does beautiful, in-depth, intricate art. So I said to my friend, I said, if I was going to do it, I would get that. But I asked him, I said, you know, will you do what I want or do you do what you want? And he goes, you know, we communicate about what it is. And I said, because I want it on my whole back. I want my whole back. No way you're going to get a back piece? Well, but he refused. This is insane. He refused to do a swastika and i said i just don't know those go on the front andrew have you did american history xp nothing to you he's like you gotta put it here or i'm not doing it ethan simply sing a song for nothing

imagine getting into an argument with the tattoo artist about a racist tattoo like i imagine if the kkk gets a tattoo and he's like all right so i if the KKK gets a tattoo, and he's like, all right, so I won't, like, I want it back here. And he's like, oh, I don't do tricep tattoos, dude. He's like, come on, dude. I just won't. Come on, just a big Aryan brotherhood. No, no, that's a forearm piece.

Brother, I'll only do the forearm. But come on, man. Can't you just do, I hate blacks on the back of my arm. He's like, dude, I'm not going to do it. If you're going to be this way, I'm not going to do it. By the way, I saw for the first time, like first time like crazy because tattoo this is what's so interesting to me about tattoos right is that there is so many subsets of the culture itself that i'm fascinated with right the biker culture of tattoos yeah the military portion of tattoos which dates back you know you want to talk about sailors and shipmen. And then you look at like tattoos with, you know, like you see, I see on those prison

shows all the time of these guys that are trying to scrub off their race tattoos, you know, like their SS bolts and all that shit. And for the first time I saw. Well, it's like you have to do that in jail to protect yourself. I made the mistake of being in jail 24 hours. KKK. Just to keep safe. Just in case. Just to keep safe. Just in case. to keep safe just in case just in case yeah it just says

just in case kkk just in kkk but i've seen one live i've seen i've seen it live like right like that shouldn't feel like that's so crazy because bro they're out there but i've seen one live and i didn't it was wild i'm like in a restaurant and I was like, holy shit. That's a fun guy. I lived with a guy who was in the Pagans. He was in charge of all the meth distribution in Wilmington, Delaware. What an overwhelming gig, by the way.

In charge of all of it. A lot. A lot. He's not a regional dude. He's one of the top dogs. Yeah. I mean, filing the paperwork for taxis alone. Can you believe it Quickbooks is not working I owe money to the government and the Mongols Oh shit

So I lived with them in a halfway house Shit Biggest sweetie This is when you got sober And this was His name was Russell I called him my little Brussels sprout. My little Brussels sprout. And we would have so many good talks out on the back porch,

recliner, ripping cigs. And he had a fucking swastika right here because he spent time in jail, you know? And I was like, what's the deal with that? He goes, I had to do it to be safe, but it don't mean I believe in it. And I was like, all right, Russ. Cool. Do you want to get it, uh, covered up anytime soon? No, it's kind of important to a part of my life cool i'll give you money to cover it up well i just think you know history is history it is and it should be history let's cover it up well i you're not seeing the bigger one that i got this for them this for me yeah i know he's got a calvin and hobbs pissing on a fucking star of David.

Dude, I was a volunteer firefighter in high school, and after 9-11, I got Calvin pissing on Osama Bin Laden on the back of my Toyota Camry. Shut the fuck up. Yes, dude. Shout out Station 25, Tallyville Firehouse. I love you guys. Can you imagine the fucking, what's the guy's name that did Calvin Hobbes? Do you remember that guy's name?

Oh, the artist. Yeah. Withers, Witherspoon. Withers, Waters. Waters.

Yeah. Can you imagine how, how bummed he would have been to see all that fucking bullshit? Dude. He thought he was creating this like kind of clever wonder, because Calvin Hobbes was actually a very like clever, intelligent cartoon. Yeah. And it was like really deep and fun.

Wonderment, thoughtful, philosophical, fun, a dream for a child to have. Yes. intelligent cartoon yeah and it was like really deep and wonderment thoughtful philosophical fun a dream for a child to have yes and then it's just like pissing on the back of a chevy yeah yeah like pissing on the cowboys logo i piss on dallas and shit on facts it is so weird that that that became such an iconic... It's almost like sometimes culture does it whether you like it or not,

and you don't have a fucking choice. It's funny to think he created something so kind of innocuous in the world of fucking cartoons. Why did they choose that? And why didn't they go with Peanuts? Right. Why not? Like the little peanut boy. You know the cartoon when he would have his footprints?

Right. It's that, but it's all over a bunch of Arabs. He's wearing like an American flag shirt. Why not that? Snoopy is sleeping on Iran. Well, dude, speaking of which, there's a whole subculture of Bart Simpson shirts. In the early 90s, Bart Simpson- From them, or you mean like-

Bootleg Bart. Bootleg ones, yeah. So there was Black Bart. I remember Black Bart. Do you remember there were a ton of Desert Storm Bart Simpson shirts? I do. I do. Yeah.

With him like, eat my shorts, Ayatollah. Yeah. And he's in like a military uniform. It's like, I was there, desert storm. And it's like, did Matt Brown even figure that out? You and I need to make Bart Simpson current shirt. Let's do new Bart Simpson bootleg. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we should do that. And it'll just say, it'll be Bart writing on the chalkboard. You know how you had to write over and over? And it'll just say. Don't read to my children, drag queens. No, it'll say Allah Akbar over and over and over. Don't read to my children. More guns.

More guns in schools, please. Oh, children littered with bullet holes in a classroom at home are going, don't! Homie! Homie! Bot's been in a school shooting. We should do bootleg. Mikey wants to transition. Yeah, Lisa definitely. Her pronouns.

Lisa definitely transitions, yeah. Lisa's transitioning. Her pronouns? Are they them, homie? Homie, you need to work more to save up for her double mastectomy. You know, Homer definitely gets lap band surgery 100%. What's it called?

What's the thing that everyone's taking? Ozempic. Ozempic. Homer on Ozempic. I was like, why are you doing that, Homer, you fag? What are you doing? You want to look good for the guys in here? I wanted to see Barney actually get... Sober?

No, no. No. I wanted to see Barney get fucking liver failure. Like, that would have been a fun episode. Oh, dude. What if there was Dark Simpsons? I'm always interested in the Dark Knight version of things that we've loved. I wanted a dark Ghostbusters of Ray's an alcoholic, Peter went to jail for stalking because oddly he's like super really a lot perverted

in the first movie. Yes. The shit he says is fucking really creepy. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah. It's crazy. Literally like he, uh, he gives her like pass out drugs. Yeah, he does.

He has it in his pocket. He goes, I just whacked her with 20 cc's of Thorazine. And it's like, why did you bring that on a date? And everyone's like, that seems to make the most sense. I mean, what else would he have in an ectopic you know some cosby pills yeah i think the dark version of ghostbusters would be fucking rad but also to go back for a second dark simpsons is so rad yeah i mean it's so it's such a good idea yeah that's great because i do want to see because everyone does this like uh what is it um oh fuck like new seinfeld or seinfeld now you know there's like an account on online or whatever that does like what they'd be

going over now and it's always like light it's always funny it's like sure george you know uh george loses service at the right george into bitcoin or whatever the fuck blah blah but it'd be cool to see the really bleak version of the thing that was really happy-go-lucky as a kid what another what's another thing that i think would be like, well, I mean like Full House or like Family Matters, like one of those, but like a really, really, like a single cam, dark, trippy version of life. I love like really dark, bleak things of like we loved. I also, in the inverse, I would love one day

to make a dark comedy about the 9-11 hijackers the two weeks prior to the hijacking. Some of them get doubts. Some of them are really living for it, excited. One of them doesn't know what's going to happen. He thinks he's just flying out of Logan Airport. They're not telling. You know one dude they did not tell.

Fish out of water. Out of loop. He's just a student. Well, he probably was chatty and too inquisitive, and they're like, we can't fucking talk to this guy. He's going to open his mouth. He's a loud mouth. Can you imagine a British office version of the 9-11?

David Brent directing them? That's mom and aunt. Today's going to be the bum, won't it? Yeah. You can see all those quick throwaways from him. He's so good. Hey, do you like eating clean? Well, I'm here to tell you about Green Chef.

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This holiday season, cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash whiskey. That's rocketmoney.com slash whiskey. Rocketmoney.com slash, you know it, whiskey, baby. If he got to, yeah, if you did the office meets the 9-11 training crew so funny that'd be so fucking funny yeah i like that i like that i actually like that taking it something so tragic and and like deep and then putting the the comedy lens through it on what was really going on over there you gotta know by the way anytime there's ever been sort of a terrorist attack, anytime, there has to be one dude in the group who goes, should we do this?

Yeah. Do you guys want to do this? This is insane. And everyone's like, come on, dude. We're in. Yeah. Like, do you remember that kid? You went to Catholic school, right?

No, dude. But all the boys I respected and had crushes on did. Really? No. Wow. No. Just kidding. Wow. No. Just kidding.

Sorry, buddy. Ready to really relate. I was about to lay on my belly and put my feet up and be like, yes! Do you want to watch me queef? Come on, Ian, we have to do the pod. No, I did. I went to, when I was a kid, I went to a place called Moody Bible, which is in Chicago. Moody's like a church, a school. And I went when I was very young, and then I was asked to leave.

No. Yeah, I was asked to leave. For what? Disruptive. I was a rambunctiously annoying kid. Yeah, me too. I was, you know, like my parents had split when I was a kid, so I think I just carried all that like chaotic, rude energy. Oh, yeah.

You know, like every teacher, I'm sure I didn't cuss at teachers but i'm sure i did not speak to them and did i can physically i don't remember i wish but i can physically see myself walking away from someone of high authority that everyone would be like and me ignoring them completely and doing my own thing yeah i can just i know that's the kind of kid i was was like fuck that yeah i was always like polite and respectful but i was just so rambunctious and like had to get up and move around and also like any attention was good attention and then you know my your parents well my dad died and so like that made me like you know i'd had these like outbursts of anger and i didn't know why and then like you know what to do with fights and everything and so i was like a bad kid and uh i i i just you know like your thing about the terrorists being like should we

that just reminds me of like being in religion class with a friend and then being like you believe this is bullshit yeah yeah no i mean that's what i was i actually whenever i did sunday school or whatever the other thing was it was not sunday, but it was like that. Um, I can't remember the fucking name, but every time I had smart ass questions and they fucking hated me. Cause I'd be like, that seems a little much. Yeah. And then as a teacher, like, what do you say when you're like, yeah, you got a fucking point.

Yeah. It seems absurd. Yeah. Well, because they, they are just there for peace. They just want peace amongst all these kids and just get through the hour. Like they just don't want any disruption that's what it is they're like can we just knock this out yeah and i did i was always like not i want to call out how weird i think all this shit i was limited to two questions a day that's so

funny and that's one yeah no no and there was a uh this kid also got limited to two questions and he was black and his parents said that it was racism. It was. And so they, I got called to the principal's office. It's the principal, the kid, his family and the guidance counselor. And they're already all in there. And I walk in and they go, Ian, how many questions are you allowed to ask a day? And I go two.

And they go, thank you very much. And I just laughed. I'm like, well, I just got out of class. But I think they were being like, yeah, it's not a racist. You also have an obnoxious son. It would be so funny if you got three and he got two. Yeah, yeah. Then they're like, all right, it is a little racist.

Yes. The annoying kids, we did give the white kid three. We gave him two. But me and him were like so annoying. And also, he was like a bully to me and i didn't have a dad my dad always taught me to take up for myself and and everything and god bless him and help me out throughout life but you know like you don't have a dad and you're looking to other people for answers so this kid used to bully me and uh you know pick on me and push me and this and that and uh what would he? Do you remember that kind of stuff?

No, I don't remember. I don't want to say it. Oh, shit. But was it? Okay, yeah. Kids were so cruel. Yeah, what do you mean? Yes.

Yeah. Try having red hair for a couple of weeks. Yeah, oh, God. Kids are the most, you're just a fucking prime target. It's testosterone puberty coming out with just meanness and everything. But also, remember, look at where we came from, too. It's more pain than anything else. just a fucking prime target testosterone puberty coming out with like just meanness and also remember look at where we came from too it's more pain than anything else i think i realized as i get older that the reason that kids were so fucking rude to each other and i don't know what they're

like now i don't have little kids but we were so rude and mean because of all all the little weird pain that everybody was going through yeah it because everyone did have something their dad died or their fucking, or their sister fucked, you never know. But they also, kids don't have the vocabulary, the brain to even process and put together.

So instead of being like, I'm hurting because I hear my parents fight at night. They're like, you're a gay man and your dad's gay and every redhead queer. I'm going to go spit on the Asian kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to help fill this thing that's going on inside. That is what that, that's exactly what happens.

Totally. Yeah. I think it's more, it's so much trauma and pain, which is, you know, the, the, the sheer irony is that's exactly what it is with adults. Like I said, um, I said to my wife the other day, I've been living in pretty tremendous amount of pain in my leg and I'm dealing with it in a million different ways. And I said, uh, I talked to my doctor and I said, how many people are living in pain at varying levels? Like I am, you know,

some days are four and some days are seven. Yeah. You know, my worst days are eights and those are when I fucking can't move. But I was like, how many people? And he's like, Oh dude, tens of millions. Yeah. I was like tens of millions. he goes tens and tens of millions that we that come for help he's who the fuck knows who else it did make me think on the way home that is some days when you see someone in public and they're grumpy or they're annoyed or they're fucking blah blah blah blah they're quick and they're short and and you kind of sometimes feel like that and it's like i don't know how much pain that person's in here or here i don't know it did make me humble myself in a way that's like, dude, people are in pain. Well, getting sober, like that really smacks you in

the face with it, you know, because like you realize that like you're the problem and it's daggers out to everyone else. And then you're like, oh dude, if I have to realize this about myself and go through all this work to get better, I'm not terminally unique. I'm not the only one. There's so many other people that are sick and suffering. And it's like such a gift once you realize that because I try to treat everyone like they're having a bad day. So I'm benefited the doubt guy.

Like, well, they did this, but you don't know and this and that. And I feel like that is, you're totally right. So many people are suffering going through stuff and then they lash out and especially online because i feel like oh that's the worst version of it well totally but it's so many people that are not happy with their lives and this is the only thing they can control is is swarming and getting mean and tearing down and then it's like yeah i feel good for five seconds and then they're just living for the next five seconds. And dude, you're so right. So many people are

in pain physically, emotionally, and, you know, coming to realize like, oh, I'm really fucking sick and I'm not the only one. So I would want to be treated with compassion. So I should, without a doubt, treat others with compassion and understanding. But then also if I'm like nice to you and like kind and you're still like mean, I blow a gasket and want to like commit mass murder and I want to like beat you and be like, but I was nice to you, you know? So I got some things I still gotta work on. Well, I said this, I said this previously on the show that I give you a pretty high amount of chances of those moments of, of like, I don't know's fucking you know sometimes he's like that yeah i give you a lot

but then i do have a decision at some point where i go fuck that guy i don't do that anymore i'm not gonna i've done a lot of work trying and if you don't give me a little bit back i'm done i tap out i mean i'm thinking of someone right now i've tried a lot with the person. And at some point I had to be like, fuck you, man. I'm always pleasant. I'm trying my best to bring a nice version of the situation. And your energy is always bad. And I don't need to feel that anymore. I mean, don't you feel as you get older, you're like, I don't need to fucking talk to that person anymore. Get the fuck out of here. I don't need that. I can clock negativity really well and i don't like being a part of it and if that's your bag that's cool and all hey what's up hello but i'm not gonna

like sit around no i'm gone and be a part of that because it drags me down yeah yeah because it's not that's not who you are and it's not the thing that you because i'll say this dude as someone who's a relatively new friend in my life you're're such a great, you're one of these people that when I am back in New York, I always am like, fuck, I'm so happy to see you. It's just nice because you, you're,

you're a good, you're good at your craft, but you're also a fucking fun. Your being is not, is wonderful, which is tough because there's a lot of people that I love and respect in our game, but it drags them down in a way where,

uh, they're, it's, they're not fucking fun to be around anymore which is wild you're like man you're such a presence on stage off stage you're there it's like you're fucking miserable what's going on yeah it's working yeah people like you cut it out i i said that i said it to um to a friend this morning at coffee. Theo did an interview with Tucker Carlson, of all people. It was so crazy. Yeah.

And all I saw was a clip online. And the one thing that he said that I thought was super powerful was he was like, people have all these flaws and they think nobody knows or they think not like not nobody really knows what's going on. They have alcoholism or what a depression. And he he's like dude everybody knows that we all know they all know but they love you regardless so isn't that enough and it was such a great profound statement that i was like yeah dude people who really respect and like you like you regardless of the fucking shortcomings in your life so shouldn't you just focus on those

people yeah fuck all the other shit the people that love you in spite of your flaws or mistakes or shortcomings they love you anyway who cares i thought that was really powerful on his behalf i was like that is such a true statement man oh without a doubt and i'd much rather be a happy fool than a correct cynic oh Oh yeah. The correct cynic. That guy, he's bummed. The guy that's always like sad and like bummed. I'd rather just be like,

yeah, whatever. And then keep, keep that stuff to me to engage with and disseminate and deal with privately. Never. I never want to bring my bullshit to someone else. You know, and I feel like that happens a lot but it's hard

because so much of what we do influences this and that influences that you know like you got all the shit swarming around but it's like i don't know i want to see what i can bring to something not take what i can take away you know and i i love and also it's it's conditioning because i realized when i was younger after my dad died if i upset, all the adults around me would cry. So it was very much a coping thing. Like, hee, hee, hee, hee. But I don't know. I really appreciate you saying that.

And I feel the same for you. It's always such a fun hang. And playing ping pong at your birthday was like the best. That influenced me because I am always so afraid of having a birthday party because I'm afraid no one's going to go. Now they're going to go. And I'm always like, well, I'm sober, but I want my friends to drink and have fun. What about paintball? And everyone's like, delete my number.

I'm like, ping pong is like the best of both worlds. It was so fun. Well, because I said, if that's my whole purpose now is like, how can I get people together to have something to do if they don't just want to sit and talk? If they want a distraction or they want to just do something that like breaks up the thing and that was my wife's idea first of all she's pitched it and i was like that's such a good idea that was so cool because she's like people are there's plenty of people that weren't drinking and don't are that are my friends that are sober or family that doesn't drink and i was like but i i loved it too because that's such a new york thing if we all met

here and then the walk over to the next spot was the best. It was the best. You're walking with these guys. You run. You catch up with them. You walk to check on them. I love that. I love that about New York.

The organic hang of just like one place to another, picking up people along the way, chopping off, you know. It was wild. It was so fun. Like waiting for the other people at the red light, fake talking shit on them while they're like standing, not realizing that we're like picking them apart, you know? And then Shane getting bro-raped

by like every bro in that bar is so fun to watch too. They love him, dude. Fucking Shane, dude! They lose their mind when they see that guy. And all of them never want to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy, dude! I know I'll like being a gay retard right now, but... I never't want to be this guy, dude. I know I'm like

being a gay retard right now, but I never do shit like this. I love it. I never do shit like this. But I know if I don't show the dudes in my fantasy league

that I was like next to you, they're going to fucking rape me, bro. I don't want to be that guy. Ask Chase. Chase, do I do this shit? I never do this, right? See?

I told you, dude. That's it. Ask Chase. Ask Chase. He'll tell you dude By the way he's leading our fucking fantasy league right now Shout out to Say what's up to him Dude our fantasy league is named after your second cat

You know like some weird thing They've latched on to That's like I said the other day About Someone was saying about Marin And they were like about his fans sometimes Are like so you know that's like i said the other day about uh someone was saying about marin and and they were like about his fans sometimes are like so in because he's into the cat thing every one of his fans is like cat heavy like cat heavy oh yeah like there's something about having an animal

and there's something about some people they're the animal dominates everything they've they do like it dominates their entire world. It's all about these things. Like, I'm a dog. I love my dog. But it's not... There's a weird line that people go right over where it's all-consuming. Like, it becomes them a little bit. Yeah, I'm at the edge right now.

You're close, aren't you? I have my cat's name tattooed on my arm. Yeah, you're there. It's you. I love him. My little guy. Kiss, kiss. Too much.

Slow down. I know it's a lot. What's the cat's name? Samson And by the way, show me a picture of your cat, son And this is a Go ahead He's dressed as Slimer from Ghostbusters I mean, huge Now, did he pick that costume?

He did, I wanted Spongebob He said, Slimer Okay, son Yeah, because you were like, you'll be Spongebob he said okay son were you yeah because you were like you'll be spongebob i'll be patrick it'll be so cool and your cat's like i want to be slimer and you don't really get to be anybody slimer is an independent he is much like a cat a cat would choose slimer of all of the of all of the characters from ghostbusters, a cat would be Slimer, and a dog would be... Venkman, because most likely to sniff an ass.

It is funny, of all the characters, it's gotta be Rick Moranis, because he was such a goon, a moron, happy-go-lucky dummy, until he was inundated by Zool and then he became another entity what's the what's the backstory for Zool by the way how come they don't really dig in oh interesting because in the new one afterlife they went into Evo Shandor who was the impetus for the

whole you know sp Spook Central apartment building with those experiments, but they don't really go into Zool. Why not? Gozer, the gatekeeper, the key master. Gozer, the gozerian. They went more into the history of Vigo than they did Zool.

Vigo, to me, I don't know. You didn't like two? It's okay. It's okay. I mean, to me, it's like Batman. Oh, see you later i'm like it's like batman oh see you later man he's gotta go it's like batman batman one was always the most delicious to me ghostbusters one was the most delicious to me it was because that's a it's a stupid take but i don't care it's just because it was so different from anything i'd seen as a kid yeah and because it was so original

it was that powerful right it was just so, right? It was just, so anything after that, it was hard for me to like as much because the original was so, it was so fantastical. Tim Burton's Batman to me still to this day is the best Batman. Dude, Michael Keaton is my favorite Batman. He's the one. He's the guy. My favorite. He's the guy.

I love Michael Keaton so much. King, king shit. That motherfucker's a king. By the way, when I was a kid, I've said this before. His, the way that his, this part of his kid, I've said this before. The way that this part of his mouth, this little half moon of the face that's shown

in the mask, the way that looked to me in my mind was how Batman looked. It's almost like when you saw other actors' faces in there, you're like,

that's not his mask. Dude, when I... That's not for him. You're thinking about the... Although the best Batman, Clooney, who can... Oh, those nips.

Those nips. Dude, the way you said the thing about the Winston and the car and the cloth, you mentioning Batman original, I am getting this feeling of socks and sweatpants and a little shirt and getting so excited about Batman VHS that we ripped from west coast video because we'd rent videos and use another vcr to record it yeah so we had our own version and wearing the tape out of that with a batman belt i had that belt because i kept breaking it because you just could you were like so excited batman toy with the string gotta get real of course i did that i would just whip that

thing around fucking mace i'm sure i broke many things at my mom's house with that. Well, we had to get rid of a dog because I kept putting a laundry basket on it because I thought it was a ghost. And we named it Spooks because I couldn't say L's when I was a kid. I wanted to name it Slimer. So I couldn't say Slimer. So what's a ghost? He's spooky. So we said Spooks.

How would you say Slimer because you couldn't say your L's? Slimer? I could not. I had a cousin, Holly. I called her Huggy. That's kind of cute. Yeah. That is actually very cute.

Yeah, but we also didn't know that spooks is a bad word. Is it? Is it? Not if you're talking about ghosts, my man. Yeah. Stay in the world of ghosts. But when the dog runs away all the time and you're four and you have a speech impediment. Someone get that spook!

And you're going around going, Spooks, where are you? It's kind of a lot in hindsight. That doesn't work where you grew up. That wasn't okay to do. Come out and play! You were supposed to be here by now. You're late i can hear you playing music loud down the block oh yeah we got a spooks at our house yeah we stole one we keep it hostage yeah it's cool yeah no i know i never uh i never had uh i never had an animal as a little kid and i ever and i

was mad about it. I always wanted something. Really? My parents both worked, so they were like— That's so interesting, because you don't strike me as that, because I have friends that are that way. Yeah. Some of them, and they're very, you know, not icy, but you're so warm. Well, as an adult, I couldn't wait to get a fucking dog.

Right, okay. And in college, our house was filled with dogs. We were a dog house. Dude, we were a dog house. Well, because we let multiple friends of ours basically let their animals live at our house, even if they didn't. Oh, that's so cool.

Because we rented a house. My sophomore year, we had a, it was a, what is, let me count, it's gotta be a four bed, four bed, one bath, maybe. It was like an old, you know, small shitty house in Tempe in arizona and you know i think i think i remember rent being like 375 which is fucking rad huh all in by the way that was everything wait just i mean for me i'm saying for me it was no no but well but i mean

for me it was all in that was like utilities and we had a pool that's the best because back there everyone could rent a house for dirt cheap because the houses weren't that expensive i mean the house itself was probably only like 100 grand for the home for the house good luck fucking finding that today but but we would leave the backsliding glass door open because we lived in a neighborhood that was i mean there was nothing to steal so dogs would just come and go as they pleased and the gate broke because my buddy fev ran through it one night drunk 100 so then because of that animals would come and go freely it was kind of like whatever was there was there i love that and we would just but irresponsibly

mark would be like did you feed lenny and i'd be like i thought i thought you fed lenny and then we'd go out there and there would be a bowl filled with food because whoever would come over would just shove food in there. I'm like, dude, this guy's been eating for like fucking seven weeks straight. Like people would just come over and put food in there. But I was like,

we have to section this off because he got fucking fat as shit. Because everyone was just like, do you want some food, dude? Yeah, we love spoiling the dog. Yeah, well, college, because everyone's going to feed the pup. So yeah, we had a house full of dogs

and then now have an animal. I just never had it because both my parents worked and they were like, who's going to feed the pup. So yeah, we had a house full of dogs and then now have an animal. It just, I just never had it because both my parents worked and they were like, who's going to take care of it? Yeah. And that was true. It was like, I don't fucking know. Nobody could, no one was there all day. And my dad, mostly my mom was like, I'm not leaving a dog at the house all day for no

reason, which I kind of respect it. She was like, why are we doing it? Why am I leaving the dog there? Cat would have worked out. Yeah. But leaving the dog alone all day. I don don't know it makes me sad to think about it yeah they're bored as fuck yeah but i don't know it's it's kind of cool like hey watch the house while we're gone and he's not gonna he's not gonna doing different stuff no this isn't a cat

you don't like alone time cats can self-occupy right they're great well that's what i'm saying though dogs don't do that they need the thing and if you leave them long enough they that bums them out some of my friends with dogs are fucking wild man my my buddy jimmy we went to a hardcore show we don't saw hayberry you ever listen to hayberry yeah dude great we saw them in jersey starland ballroom and he's like yeah my my chick has has to work so i'm just gonna take buddy with us i'm like what to the concert fuck yeah that's rad yeah wow like and and that's cool like just like sitting in shotgun going everywhere together but i'm like man that is a hassle yeah it is you know that's a hassle but it was fun we saw friends there and they're like he's here and they all like ran outside you look in the car and like

everyone's excited to see the dog yeah everyone's excited now i could i can't do that i don't take her everywhere but uh if there's a day where i'm like i'm doing studio stuff or the other office or whatever i bring that fucking yeah fuck yeah i brought her to set a few times when i was filming oh that's cool yeah just because if i was gone all day my wife was gone all day and she had shit going on at night like dinners and meetings i was like all right i'll bring this fucking thing because then i get to sit in the trailer and have something to do yeah because let me tell you something those filming days when you're doing nothing there isn't enough books to read or videos to watch to keep you like engaged in the world so at least i could just walk the dog yeah it like helped me not lose my

fucking mind sitting in a little bunker you sit there for fucking 12 hours you film for an hour and a half oh yeah it sucks yeah It sucks. Yeah. It's bullshit. I shot a pilot right before COVID. In New Rochelle, New York, we wrapped on a Friday. I think that Monday, the first case of COVID happened

in New Rochelle, two blocks away from where we shot. Insane. It's you. But the first day, it was a 12-hour shoot day, and my call time was 6 a.m., and then

they didn't use me until 5.45, and that was it. My line was like, good day. That was like it. I'm like, all right. Ian, fantastic work. Thanks for coming in so early where it was completely unnecessary and a waste of your day, but we really did need you a little bit. Uh-huh.

Well, now that the whole strike thing is over congrats they did it dude they just did it I mean honestly it's so funny it's over when it's November nothing's gonna happen now it'll be the new year

did any of them use the inflatable rat? no I know is that like only an iron worker union thing? Yeah. That's like, that's definitely for like labor unions, you know? That would have been fun. Let's get something inflatable.

Instead of just marching and yelling, it'd be nice to have some sort of. And a bunch of selfies to put on social media for your fucking hangout. Jesse Tyler Ferguson's here. Just guys to like say that they met somebody they really like in the fucking business yeah i think the silent uh attendees is probably the way to do it if you're gonna go do something go do it you don't need to fucking come on your own chest about it but that is the symptom of what's going on in our little world are you are you um are you touring my little prince what are you doing what's it would you have dates coming up?

I mean, this won't come out until 2026. Okay. Yeah, we save these for a year. Anybody I like gets saved. Everyone else gets dumped right away. I love it. I am 2026. No, 2024.

Where are you going to be next year? This will come out in not too long after this, but also, what are you in the new year? Bro, I am going everywhere. I'm on the road from the beginning of January to March. Cannot wait. I'm filming my first special Sunday, December 3rd, New York City, The Cutting Room. IanFidance.com for tickets.

Two shows. It's a little weird. One of the shows is at 1pm and the other one is at 1 in the morning the following day. It's a bad idea, but this guy's doing it. Yeah. I'm doing a new thing. It's called Ian Finance Time Zone.

That's your special? Yeah. What is this special going to be called? Do you know? Wild, Happy, and Free. Fucking A. Isn't that true? I'm very excited. God, that's so you.

Wild, Happy, and Free. So you're doing the hour at the cutting room. Yes. Are you putting it out yourself? What are you going to do? Who cares? I am. You're going to figure it out?

Well, we're going to shop it around. The director has done a bunch of different stuff for, you know, Roman Polanski is directing it, right? He is. Yes. Yes.

And interesting choice, but I think it's cool. Yeah. And well, you know, Woody was the first choice. Not there. Cosby's doing comedy.

He's not, he would do your filming. Yeah. He just wants to perform. Um, but yeah, I'm really excited, excited man okay and uh i i'm just like i can't wait to do it and the tickets are selling real well i always think no one's ever gonna come out they're all gonna come out selling out they're all gonna come out like oh i hate myself also the week of i'll let me to send me stuff so i can post about your sweetheart come on man dude in the new year man i'm playing philly sacramento san fran calgary fucking san diego

seattle portland now are you doing clubs or like rock clubs or what are you doing clubs do you ever do rock venues yes i just did a legendary punk rock hardcore venue called amityville music hall on long island what a name um and dude it was the fucking best like every i feel like the the the path now is like clubs theaters i i'm not a theater act i'm very much a club comic sure and i enjoy being like close small spaces because i came up in like hardcore punk rock and stuff and dude playing this rock venue was like so cool like i would love to go around and do these like you know like rock venues well yeah fuck that, fuck. That's what I mean. Like, I remember when, uh, when Kyle Kinane started first tour when I, because I've known

him for a long time, when he first was getting out, he was exclusively doing rock venues for a little while. I mean, I'm, he did clubs, I'm sure, but he was always telling me how rad it was and I couldn't headline yet. I wasn't getting booked and I was like, man, that's fucking cool. So when I first started going out, I would try to sneak in as many that would want me right because i think there's just the venues energy is so cool and sometimes traditional clubs energy is you know chicken wingy and yeah rock venues and also like i'm i'm really happy with the the dude the people that are coming to see me i'm like

beside myself with how fucking cool they are and like you know I'm like a looney tune or whatever but like dude I have all these like gay and trans and like non-binary people coming out, but they fucking get it and they're like dude Thank you for making fun of us bags and making us feel like we're humans and not like we're these deities It can't be touched and I'm like you're welcome now. Don't talk to me freak But do, this venue, everyone there was for me, which was so cool. Because sometimes I'll do well, and then it's like a night where no one has ever heard of me in their life. So to have that and make that connection was really cool. And, dude, seeing you guys do the friends tour is like the coolest shit in the world

it's so fun man and everyone is there is fucking riding for you guys so hard well they're just excited to have fun which I think in a long time

it's like a lot of times comedy takes itself sometimes serious and that's look that's fine but it's just not I mean yeah

no but it's just not what we do yes we just want to fucking goof dude silly goofy fun yeah we just feel like goofing yes so this thing is just a big dumb fucking goof that is the best and when the crowds are on board

I mean, I would say 90% we've had a few shows where you're like, this is fucking weird like Memphis was Fucking weird. There's no other way to say it. Yeah was weird. Well, the venue was fucking lame, right? It was fucking lame. It was like tall ceilingsings it felt like an airplane hangar when we walked in i was like what are we doing yeah this is the fucking last place our fans want to be they're sitting in like this is a cafeteria you know so that didn't help but the energy was shifted because of it but for the most part dude the people that show up that are down and ready yeah like san diego we played san diego we played at san diego state or wait uc san diego whatever shit yeah and it was 5800 people or something like that oh dude that's so cool and Like San Diego. We played San Diego. We played at San Diego State. Or wait, UC San Diego? I don't know. Whatever. And it was 5,800 people or something like that.

Oh, dude, that's so cool. And it was so rad in that they were like ready to fucking party. And it was raining at the beginning and they stayed through the fucking rain. I was like, these people are the shit. Dude, well, I remember when I did the Gramercy show with you guys, it was so, dude, everyone is just so fucking locked in and people want, not like a distraction, they just want to feel good. So if you could just make them laugh with silly stuff, nobody has to learn a lesson every day of their life. No, no. It's nice to just go fuck off.

Yes, yes. And that's what's so fun. And dude, it's so funny because you guys are doing it right. And it's so cool to see. But that's like what me and Jordan want. And we talk about that. We're doing more live shows and stuff. We're doing a run of Zany's Nashville, Zany's Chicago.

We're really enjoying doing the live show. We're moving around. But, dude, we did a live show in New York. I swear to God, when we start the show, we can pick up on the vibe that it's not as good as we thought it would be. Jordan goes, man, I got to tell you, this kind of sucks fucking santino and bobby are really they're really good at this they make it look easy i'm like not on mic don't say it to the people everything's okay shitting all over our thing and then i'm like yeah they really do do it well she's what she's what i like about her the most honestly is that her comedy is so fucking very grounded

and real and so funny and so honest. Yeah. She doesn't really hide any of her shit. Yeah. So she's not good at being like, fucking having a blast. Oh, yeah. But it's nice. It's the best.

Sometimes you want someone to be like, fuck this shit, huh? Because I think a lot of people, sometimes it helps them get over it. Yeah. If they're a little weird that you're like, this fucking i mean i think we did that in memphis i was like this fucking sucks and they were like and you're like come on dude you know this is weird it feels unfortunate it's the best because i love her so much that she does that and then i'll be like jordan she's like oh sorry and we'll like laugh about it or it'll like she i i love anyone that can motivate me and she just makes me want to be funnier because she's so funny.

She's very funny. And nothing feels better than, like, making her wheeze laugh. Oh, yeah. And the fact that we get to, you know, she sounds like a deflating tire, you know? But, dude, when she said that, I was like, you are right. You're right, but shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she came with us.

She did a show in Toronto. That's right, yes. Yeah, Toronto. Yeah, Toronto. And absolutely fucking just lit fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she came with us. She did a show in Toronto. That's right. Yeah, Toronto. Yeah, Toronto. And absolutely fucking just lit it up. I mean, she was so fucking solid. It's so funny where you reach a point in your career with friends when someone's like, oh, I don't know that person.

How are they? And you're like, watch. And it's nice to be able to just give someone the go ahead to show off. You know what I mean? You're like watch and it's nice to be able to just like give someone the go-ahead to show off you know what i mean you're like watch this is great it's gonna like there isn't a doubt in your fucking soul they're not even like a little tinge of something it's like what if she doesn't connect with this group yeah it's just some point you reach in your career when everyone's such a pro i was explaining that to a friend over the phone because he came to a show kind of for the first time in many many years he doesn't really go to stand-up shows and he was like so how many people on there are like um

professional and i was like that's a good question i was like everyone that's getting paid is a pro but what you're looking for is like how many are like seasoned headliners yeah yeah and i explained to him that there is a difference and then you he's like you can just feel it right away i go yeah that's just time and experience and as you get older and it's just so funny, you can always just give up one of these peers, a layup. You're like, watch this. It's, it's kind of cool. It's like you put a little team together and go check this out. Yeah. Yeah. And people just get to show off and do what they're the fucking best at. Um, I want people to do me a favor. Uh, please support, uh, Ian and Jordan more Jordan than Ian. please support Ian and Jordan

more Jordan than Ian but when they are on tour go see them but go see go see my sweet little Prince Ian this year what's your website kiddo? IanFightAnts.com

we'll put it in the description below IanFightAnts.com very simply go watch him a wonderful mastermind if you're in New York City if it's not sold out by the time that this happens, go

to The Cutting Room and go watch my little sweetheart do his thing. December 3rd. What day is that? Is that a Saturday? Sunday. It's a Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Come see Ian Fyde outside the cutting room floor. Two shows, 8pm and 10.30. That's probably right, right? 7 and 9.30.

7 and 9.30. Close. Switch the hours. That's all it is. But that's smart to do on a Sunday because the early show will be, I'm going to make my financial bet that you'll use the first one. If you don't mesh, you'll use the first of the second one. Well, it's funny. Second one will be a party. First one will be.

That's what I'm hoping. Just get this. And then the second one is fucking yee haw. That's what they say. Get one in the can and then you can have fun. But then ironically, I think a lot of people end up using the first one anyway. Because they're like, it was more concise. It was just more shaped.

Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes on the second one, you're just- I think the adrenaline's going so much, you know? Right, you're focused as fuck. On the second one, you're like, whatever, Dad. Go see Ian, please. I love you. It's so nice to have you.

I'm sorry that you're leaving in an hour and a half from me, but I'll see you soon. Go look into that camera right there. We end the episode the same way, with one word or one phrase. Now, this is cemented in history, right? One day, this will be put up in the Smithsonian as the last word spoken by every comic on this show. Am I making that up? You betcha. But I believe it in my heart

that this is important. So end the episode on you. One word or one phrase into that camera whenever you're ready. I'm free. In here, we pour whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse

Gingers are beautiful You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse Gingers are hell no This whiskey is excellent Ginger, I like gingers