Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ian Fidance is a shocker, dude! | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: May 22, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel Predicts. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and podcast host Ian Fidance for a completely unpredictable episode full of insane stories, stand-up chaos, sobriety talk, road comedy nightmares, and enough energy to concern medical professionals. Ian has one of the most unique voices in comedy right now and somehow manages to be heartfelt and completely out of pocket at the exact same time. They get into touring, addiction and recovery, bombing, comedy clubs, wild encounters on the road, and why comedians are probably not the people you should trust emotionally. Ian and Santino bounce all over the place in the best way possible. Check out Ian Fidance for tour dates, podcasts, and more: https://www.ianfidance.com Follow Ian Fidance: https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69 Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #IanFidance #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #Comedy #PodcastClips #Comedians ==================================================== This episode is sponsored by:  FANDUEL Sign up now for your twenty-five dollar bonus on FanDuel Predicts. HEAD TO ⁠https://fanduel.com/whiskey⁠ TO GET STARTED! MARS MEN For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men https://mengotomars.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by Fanduel. Hello out there in podcast land. I got a couple of shows that I'm doing left until I maybe take some time off this fall. Who knows? And this summa? We'll see. I've only got three shows. June 28th, I'm doing two shows in San Diego.

June 28th at the Sound in Delmar, that's North County, come see about me. And then July 24th, I'll be at St. Charles, Missouri, right next to St. Louis there at the Ameristar Casino. It's only a couple of shows. Don't know if I'm planning on doing more until 2020. Seve, either way, come out and see me. Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.

You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You only $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers. Ladies Joe, welcome back to Whiskey Jr. My guest is one of my favorite people on Earth. I said that for all my guess, but I mean it once again. Today, it's Ian Fidance. He just flew in to Smell-A. I said, are you here? He said, I am.

I'm just a little stress because my mom got knee surgery. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Speaking of Smell-A, I was on the flight with Henry and Kev, the Army-Ringler and Kevin Hart. Yeah. And they were sitting next to Seal. And we're never going to survive.

And speaking of Smellé, you heard it here. He kept farting on the plane. Shut up. Seal farted on the flight? Yeah, yeah. So funny. When Kevin told me that Seal was sitting next to them, so I, like, snaked my way through all the different sections to get up to Delta

1, and I was basically sitting on his lap just to look at Seal. And Seal bent over to pick something up, and I saw the crack of his ass. And I was like, Seal was letting it ride. I'm about to get a kiss from a rosebud. This is going to be something. That's crazy. Yeah.

Wait a minute. So the boys were in first class and you weren't. No. Who do these guys think they are? I mean, I have so many, like, upgrade, you know, like Delta, Medea, Diamond. So I always gamble on the upgrade. You hope you get it. Hope I get it.

And usually it works out. And this time it did not. And I missed out on seal. What number were we talking? 30s, 40s? How far back? 33 F. F is what window?

For frankly, you're out of luck. Frankly, this is one of the worst seats we have. Frankly, you're going to sit next a woman who's dog shit itself. Yes. And a crying baby. And your bladder is going to go on the fritz. And you're going to get in trouble

for using the Delta One bathroom. And they tell you to use the other. And you say, well, I'm here now. So I'm going to use it. And then you hear them whisper about you and then they don't bring you the Ritz crackers. It is so crazy that there's like bathroom

It's the it's a I have to piss Dude let people pee wherever they have to pee it is so like Class warfare on it is it's why dude the the way they treat you when you're not in first class is hilarious He legitimately got said I'm gonna be frank with you this is only for Delta one customer So you're gonna have to go to the back and I said well I'm not going to because I'm here right now But I'll keep that in mind for the next time also you know that it's all suggestion based you know this right like they can't legally it's just them saying we're asking you please obey this fake rule and you're like was it was it a gold shitter in there dude the last time I flew to L.A. the

they spilled a tray of drinks on me and the flight attendant felt so bad she let me wear her change of clothes and I wore cut off jeans shorts and like a shawl my entire flight while they dried my clothes. Do you have a picture of of this? That's sexy. I want to see if to send that to me. I wore, I wore jeans shorts and I would not give them back. How horny were you in those jeans shorts? Penny, these are mine.

Give me a blanket. We have the same way. I'm making my own jackjack. I was coming back from Rikevich, Iceland, and I was nodding off and I had like my cup of water was. Yeah. I'm chasing the horse, dude. Yeah. My cup of water was in the, like, the middle divide between the two seats and my hand was like this next

to it, and the flight attendant touched me, and it woke me up like this. and I spilled all over myself. She woke me up to see if I wanted to eat. I was like this and soaking wet. So she was like, oh, my God, oh my God. I'm so sorry. I was like, it's okay.

I mean, it was literally a full cup of water. So I just, I got a blanket, and then I pulled my pants down. So I was just sitting naked under a blanket the entire flight. Make no underwear. No, because it was soaking wet. It soaked all the way through to my underwear. It was a, it was a comical cup of water. It was like 16 ounces.

You're like, why did they even serve this? And she didn't offer to have you wear her clothes. No, yeah. Delta, you're the best. Delta, you're the best. I love you, Delta. On the flight back from Ozzie, completely drenched with wine because the lady in front, when she put her seat back, it spilled immediately. And they gave me pajamas to wear. Really?

On the flight back from Australia. Quantus. Quantis, yeah, that's right. Wow. They gave me a bunch of blankets and more wine. That's so nice. I had to do the blanket, change of clothes on the Jersey Transit the other night. going to a gig and Uncle Vinny's

because I wore shorts and it got chilly and I had to put my jeans on. You also can't wear shorts on stage? I used to. It's illegal. No. You can't do it.

Show my special wearing shorts on stage. I know, we've talked about it. I can do it. Yeah, because you have tattoos on your legs. I'm covered in tattoos. And it looks like I have expensive pants. Looks like you're wearing Ed Hardy pants.

Yeah, Ed Hardy Juggings. That's me! We'll show you a picture of Ian's back. He came in and showed me his back. He just got his back done. Yes. I hugged him too hard. He said, ooh. That's okay. When you said I got, my back done, I thought something happened.

Like something, you got hurt. Oh, no. Just emotionally and I'm taking it out with tattoos. When you run out of space, then what do you do? You're almost done, dude. You're going to go neck and face? Never. Well, I just got this. What does that say? Fade to black. I hate black. I hate blacks. What? He fucked the ass up.

So now it just sounds like I'm talking about my neighbor, Kevin. I mean all Fade to Black Great, great Great album Great song Great song Yeah

It's beautiful That's why you did it A friend of mine Took his own life And we always talked about Getting a metallic tattoo And I talked about Getting you'd always be like

You get it You get one You get one So I got one And he's gone He can't see it I fucked up No he probably can

Whatever he is Hello What's his name? Hello. What was his first name? This name's Bo. Bo. We love you, Bo.

Love you, Bo. How about this? Bo, if you're listening and you can hear us, do something right now in the studio. McCone, your cock is out. Oh my God. He's on a flight home from Rikevick. I would love to be a mischievous ghost. Dude, so funny.

We just did a whole thing about this. Really? We just, we shot a short. We can talk about it. It'll probably be out. It also, he'll never see it. What is it? Bobby did a movie called Karate Ghost. And when he revealed to us that he's doing a movie called Karate Ghost, we were like...

Wait, he already shot it. Is it real? Yeah. Like recent? It's not like straight to VHS? Oh no, it'll go straight to VHS. Yeah, but they haven't... It's completed, but there's no release date set yet. But he came back from like a three-day shoot and he was like, I broke my... He doesn't do Asian accents anymore rule on this movie. We're like, oh, what movie? And he goes, Karate Ghosts.

So we were dying laughing because that's the funniest name I've ever heard of my fucking life. And I was like Karate Ghost. And then he, McCone was like, I think we should like shoot a fake short and tell him that we got an early release of karate ghost. And I play Bobby and the- And this town sheriff. And he wrote the script and we shot it. We went out to the desert, shot it in two days. That's so funny. I'll send it to you.

We'll show it to you. That is great. And it's me fighting. I'm like, well, are you ghost? It's me fighting ghosts. And there's like samurai and people get arms chopped off and a heart gets ripped out. It's pretty great. That's incredible.

We just shot. it out in the day Joshua tree. Wow, we are simpatico. Sympatico. I want to be a mischievous ghost. You are a Chinese ghost. No, I'm fighting. I'm a karate ghost.

Oh, you fight the ghost. Yes. Oh, I thought you were a ghost that does karate. Well, the ghost who tries to kill me does do karate. He's extremely skilled. I can't see it, but we do... Did you do karate as a kid? No, no, no.

Really? No, no. No, I had a bunch of friends. I did not. not. I played basketball, baseball. Even at the dojo, no friends. No, I just think karate was, I didn't understand it. But the kids who did karate, I know I wasn't like them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like Boy Scouts. The majority of kids that did karate ended up doing also pills. I went and saw three ninjas in theaters and I don't know where I heard this from, but I

heard that the producers wound up finding them like at a karate. Expo at a mall or something and they asked them to do it. Really? So I went home to my house in Wilmington, Delaware, and for a week just did karate on my front lawn, hoping some pedophile executive from Hollywood came along. It was like, you want to be in the films, kid? I'd be like, you bet. You know it, sir.

Yeah, and my parents were just like, yeah, go, go. Rocky? Yeah, why don't you go? Rocky loves Emily. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, and Colt. Colt. yeah dude

and what a movie mean guy Snyder was that his name yeah he was a bad guy Schneider Snyder Snyder

Schneider Schneider Schneider it was Rob Schneider take it back taking the kids kidnapping the children going to be a bad guy

on a ship that movie was very dark Shipmeister it's very weird when you think about that movie why Well, those kids, they were like, the three ninjas, isn't the storyline of this movie that they're trying to take back? Doesn't someone get kidnapped and they try to go get them back again?

Their dad is like an FBI guy trying to take Snyder down and the kids want to help because they learn karate from their Uncle Mori. But Uncle Mori used to be friends with Snyder because he trained him and they find out. so then the guys try to kidnap the kids. That's what it is. And then they end up foiling the plan. Yeah. Using their special masks. We know someone that produced that movie.

Isn't that kind of crazy? Really? All those years ago. Yeah, he works in the studio sometimes. His dad. Oh, really? Yeah. I know he was working on some kind of a sequel.

Well, he wanted to do the sequel. Yeah, we can't talk about. But isn't that wild? When I think about those old movies that, like, shaped your child, do you go back and you watch them again? They were all sleepover movies. They were all sleepovers. You get jacked up.

Do kids have sleepovers now? No. Nobody does that? I talked to my friends that have kids and, like, we do not let our kids sleep in people's houses. We don't know what the other kids are going to do to them. We don't know what the parents do. I guess that's true. The kid never leaves a home.

And I'm like, dude, everybody needs to get molested. It makes you better. That's why you got all those tattoos. Yeah. These are all the times I was touched. These are all the times Tony popped his cock in my mouth and a sleepover. And look at you now. It saved you.

Did it? Yeah. Really? Because I'm about to fade to black. Don't do it, dude. Stick around. You have a show this week. I have a show this week.

Yep. This show, this will be out after it's done. But everyone's in town for Netflix is a joke. Yes. I have a travel show, too. What? Say it. Ian do.

An odd guy doing odd jobs. Ian doing? Ian do. You're like Mike Roe? It's literally dirty jobs meets daytime insomnia. It meets, like, simple life. I go to different towns. People show me how to do their job.

jobs and I do their jobs with them. That's great. It's awesome. I worked at the last blockbuster on Earth. Where is it? In Washington. In Bend, Oregon. Oh, Oregon.

That's right. I knew it was a Pacific Northwest somewhere. I was an oyster farmer in Pemiquin, Maine. I did head of security of the comedy mothership, and I wore, I wore a foot to head tactical, and had night vision goggles, and I had a whip and a pole with an American flag and a spear. I was defending the sanctity of kill Tony. The greatest fucking security guard of all time.

Dude, I was wanding. We attached the security wand on the American flag spear, and I was making people spin around like eight times. I got lost in the mothership and did like Blair Witch. Like, don't tell Joe, please, don't tell Joe. I was going to say, did Joe know you were doing this? Dude, his head of security was like, we didn't tell Joe. He doesn't kind of get, you know, like humor stuff like this sometimes.

And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he would not... The guy with the biggest podcast in the world doesn't get humor. You're right. He would not like that, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could hear him being like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah.

And, like, children, we'd all be like, I don't know. Ian was, yeah, I don't even know. And I just walk away immediately. Yeah, Ian, that was Ian's bit. Oh, dude, he was... One woman, we were filming at like five before they opened the doors, and I was on the street, like, yelling. And an old woman thought that I was ice, and she was like,

and she tripped to film the sun. I looked and I picked her up and I was like, see how good the security is at the mother ship? We're helping. Dude, I'm having so much fun. Are you financing this whole thing? You're traveling all around the world, the country? I financed it for like a year,

and then it got picked up by YMH, so they're producing it. That's awesome. So they're helping me out, and it goes out on my channel and their channel. And they're like super into it, and it's so fun. I'm doing something with Ring of Honor and AEW coming up. I'm going to like learn how to. to wrestle and then like build the ring and everything. You're going to like do a live show.

So fun. Yeah. Really? I'm so stoked. They're going to teach me how to cut a promo. A bunch of the women wrestlers are going to beat me up. What's your name? I don't know. What should my name be? What should my wrestling name be? The Rebel Rouser.

You want something with alliteration? I love alliteration. The jumping Jew. What? The. Say it, whatever it is. Whatever. it is, dude, say it. Go ahead and say it.

No, dude, I just over the top like become the iron sheik of Israel. I'm going to fuck you in the ass. Hoga Hogan. Yes, I put the Yahoo and then Yahoo. That's a promo I'd watch. Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah, they're going to teach me how to cut a promo. I mean, I kind of know now, but I'm so stoked. Yeah. It's kind of cool. But that lifestyle now is so

subdued because now look it's always character base but you read some of those stories about the old days and you're like how are all these guys not dead? So many of them did die. They're like how are all them not dead? Not only die but they died while they were alive like they lived a horrible

horrible post wrestling life. Yeah. Like Andre the Giant stories that documentary about him was like super sad they were like everyone's bragging and he's like he started with the case of beer like that's a bad thing that's a really bad thing. Yeah they're like oh it was so fun he drank nine by bottles of wine.

He'd drive. He used to drive. He used to drive. He used to drive. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. But all the stories are so tragic because they lived such a dark,

dark reality. And they were in so, a lot of those guys were living in so much pain that they were like, well, I'll just keep getting fucked up every night. Yeah. And I don't just take pills, it'll make me better.

And then like, you know, let alone the CTE of it all. And, you know, the whole Chris Benoit thing. Sad. And, which I, you know, that was obviously faked. But anyway, Anyway, I know. Anyway, watch Ian do.

Yeah, Ian do. An odd guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. Don't flick off the... I don't know why you have to flick off the film. That was to anyone that... That won't watch? ...supported Chris Belmont.

Yeah, that's anyone that won't watch. That's exactly right. You have to give... Sometimes you have to give up... You have to give people the finger once in a while, but I do feel like you reach an age where the finger is no good. You can't do it, yeah. Like, I can't see my dad giving somebody the finger.

I like the finger juxtaposed with a smile. Smile, that's genius. But actually intentionally fully being like, that. That's a gap, right? Like when you're young, it's teenagers like, screw you. Funny. But then you get into like your 30s and it's like. That's like, have you ever met an adult that still does a shock?

Woof. My mom. She's like, what's that, boys? Let's get in a picture, fellas. Family photo. No, but then there's a gap where it's not cool, but then I take it back. If my dad, if my dad was like, get fucked, I'd be like, that's funny again. So there's a gap where you're like, it's weird and lame and immature, and then you're so old that it's cool.

Like, my dad is at the age where he doesn't care at all, nothing. He couldn't care less. like he doesn't care about appearances anymore like it just doesn't matter I love that well what is it fucking it's old he's you're old it's over

you did all this shit you don't need to like placate people anymore I so desperately want a family or to not care well you find you find love in all the right places I'm swiping for love

on all the right now right now yes yes yeah you sounded sad about it oh so sad it is funny though you want to be you want to be in a relationship then you get in a relationship and then you're like

I don't want to be in a relationship and then No I very much wanted to be in relationship Because you get in them and you get out of them And it's all your fault I would have stayed in them if you know She didn't love coke and cock What can you do? I look past every red flag ever

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But you're a big green flag Me Yeah I think I am You're a sweet endearing guy You're smart, you're funny Thank you

You good at Poole I went back to that billiards place that we went to they turned into Was that Amsterdam? Is that what it is? Yeah, I shot pool the other night For the first time in forever I went there because of you Someone was like, oh, let's go play pool

This was crazy This is nuts They were like, oh yeah, I think there's a pool hall X, Y, Z and then I was like Ian took me his place Amsterdam Let's go right there It's not that far from where we were Oh, that's great

And then we went there And Chad Smith met up with us What? From the chili peppers? It was insane Shut up. Swear to God. You hung out with Chad Smith from the Cheapes. He beat the living shit out of all of us in pool.

He was fucking unreal. He was friends with a friend of ours and he was like, yeah, Chad's going to come. And I was like, oh, as if I knew who Chad was. That rules. It was insane. When he came, I was like, oh. And then he's like, are you going to pool? And I was like, no.

I can play pool. Yeah. But he was like, oh, well, you know, all right, we'll try. And he fucking smushed me. I think I got one shot and he was just like, cleaning up. Was he having fun with it? Or was he pissed at you like weren't good?

No, I mean, after he beat me, I just got a beer and watched. Yeah. I was like, you guys play. I'm not going to pretend. Dude, I learned how to play the opening lick to scar tissue. And I played it on the phone for my eighth-grade girlfriend. And then she broke out with me two days later. Can you imagine?

That's why she broke up with you? Like, probably. I also was like a bit kisser. I guess. You were a bad kisser? In eighth grade, yeah. How were you now? Fantastic.

Now, was the bad kiss got, did it get around school? People were like, you know, Ian's a bad kisser. Did she tell people? Bro? Oh, no. Not even around school. My birthday's December 31st, sophomore year. I went to a New Year's Eve party,

and all the girls lined up to give, like, a New Year's birthday kiss to me. Oh, no. And it was literally kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, by the time I got to the end of the line, word got around that I was a bad kisser. It was so embarrassing And I was wearing a Mr. T-shirt

That his his Afro-Mohawk Like was bubbly on the shirt That you could like And it was like I'm pretty to fool Like oh I had like my best Janko's on Like dude I was so embarrassed I faked a stomach ache And I asked my mom to pick me up from the party

And then this girl shout out I'd say maybe I don't know if you should leave her name She's a king she's a queen Just say her first name Jess She took me into her a red Honda Civic at a party like two months later and was like, look, we got to fix this.

Let me show you how to kiss. And we made out in her car and she taught me. And ever since then, I've been told him a fantastic kisser. God bless. Appreciate you. You know what, Jess? Shock up, dude. Shock up.

Shocked it out. I was shocked that you took me and your tutelage. Was she same age or older than you? This sounds like an older chick would do. Same grade older. Yeah. It sounds like an older girl would be a kid. It was such a solid move, dude.

There was a girl. You never, did you know what to do with your tongue? I didn't know what to do with the mouth. No, I mean, my dad taught me. No, but I'll tell you this reminded me of a story when I was in high school, an older girl who lived like in my neighborhood, who I totally had a crush on, but I thought she's older. You know what I mean? And she would pick me up and take me to school sometimes, and she drove stick, like hottest shit ever. So cool.

And only after. when we were both in college and like saw each other back home was she like I had a massive crush on you and you never made a move at all and I was like I was a scared little boy then I did yes but I was like how did you not say she goes every I was throwing so many signals to you I picked you up and took you to school like I wore the shortest dresses when I saw you I was like I know I thought you were just like a cool hot chick yeah the older older hot chick in your mind you're like that's it's a impossible. That's an impossible find. I can't get that. That happened to me. A girl, great older. I would go to her beach house. I was in a band with her older brother. And then she and I

would stay up all night, talking. But you thought no chance. And I'm just like, well, she just likes conversation. I don't know. Well, because when you're in high school, you're like the older broads like older dudes. They're definitely not looking down at dorky us, but sure enough. And you ended up smooching. Yeah, we did. It's fantastic. Oh, so how did I learn how to kiss good? Yeah. My friend who was my neighbor in my neighborhood, her and I, we literally taught, we were like learned together. That's great.

And we made a bet when we were young that if we were not married by a certain age, we would have gotten married. We did that thing. That's cute. Yeah. And then what happened? She's gay. Whoa. No, no.

I'm gay. Shit. I got that wrong. I always got that confused. No, we both grew up and met people. But it's funny because she was like my best friend. She was also a tomboy and beat every dude in the neighborhood at sports. I'm not kidding.

Every dude that was like, I'm faster than her. Smoked. I'm better at her than basketball. Killed. I mean, she was unbelievable. It reminds me in my neighborhood best friends. They were all girls. They were like so good at sports.

Yeah, are people good at sports anymore? Unless you're like in a program. But now they put their kids in these like programs. Traveling. and the kids have like trainers, coaches. Like insanely expensive like elbow gear

and those like oven mitts so they don't break a finger sliding in a second. We just had some fat guy in the neighborhood who coached us and yelled at us a lot. Yeah and we all had aluminum bats in an army bag

that the guy used in Vietnam. We would just like go through drills. Is there blood on this Tim? He's like, yeah, don't worry about it, man. It's not a big deal. Not mine.

He's blood on everything, man. You don't know anything about the Viet Cong. You don't understand what you're older. In here, we pour whiskey. Basketball! The playoffs are here, and boy, oh boy, is it incredible. Will we crown a similar champion as last year? Who knows?

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Bonus is non-withdrawable and expires seven days after receipt. trading derivatives involve significant risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Manager activity with our consumer protection tools. Restrictions apply. See terms at fandul.com slash predicts slash bonus hyphen offer hyphen terms. Ginger. I like genders. Dude, this girl, you know, speaking to like girls training and like helping,

I dated this girl in like 2005 and the first time we had sex, I came and I was like, cool, thanks. good night and she like I sw I dude I rolled over and then I just felt this thing looking at me and I rolled over and she was like don't ever do that again you don't get off without me getting off I was like what right she was like you don't do that right that's fucked up yep and then she taught me to like always get her off and then now I'm like I have to get the other person off yeah and I like doing that first so then I don't have to perform you do it is nice to knock it out Yeah. It's nice to get out of the way. Yeah, and then you're like, it's kind of like brushing your teeth when you first wake up.

Or doing your homework when you get home from school to Friday, so you have the whole weekend to have fun. Yeah. Do you brush your teeth in the shower? No. Is that weird I do? Only if I'm late.

I always do. I think I'm just killing two birds. I was brushing my teeth while packing today. I'll brush my teeth on the run all the time at the house, but if I can get in the shower and get a nice hot steam in there, I love just standing there with the water on me brushing my teeth.

Really? I love it. I love it. So do you keep your toothbrush in the shower? Do you take it from the sink? No, so I've got a holder in the wall cut out so I can put it in there when I'm done. And then when I get out of the shower, I grab it and put it on them. A glory hole in your shower?

Is that not a normal shower? I mean. You don't have a glory hole? No, I have to go to one. I don't know. Comedy's doing pretty well for me, right? Yeah, do you shave in the shower? I'm strictly only

clean guy in the shower. I don't do anything else in the shower. I don't shit. I won't, no, I mean, I don't ever shave. I trim the beard over the sink. But I just love brushing my teeth in there because I like the hot water on my neck. I don't know what it is.

And also, then I just can get sloppy spitty everywhere when I'm really getting in there, just dripping everywhere, I don't think about them. You know, when I'm on the move and I'm like brushing around my house when I'm like doing something with a dog and cleaning up and getting ready to go. Oh, yeah, you have the brushing in your mouth

and then I'll find about like the drool and everything. Drops of things. toothpaste all over my house. Like I found him all, like it'll be on my shirt, on my pants, and then like by the kitchen. Do you ever do that? Like you drop toothpaste or like

spill a coffee and then you're like, God, I would never be able to get away with murder. Yeah, dude. I didn't have so many things to clean. It's crazy. So much DNA all over this place. Yeah. You know what? You wouldn't be a good murderer. No. You would tell someone right away.

You'd be like, you're not going to believe what I just did. Yeah, yeah. I'd be late somewhere. I'd be like, dude, sorry, I was just killing someone. I just stabbed a guy. And then, you know, when you're, like, stabbing over and then your hand slips, I end up cutting myself. Look at the DNAs everywhere. Stap cut. Why do you think I got the Band-Aid?

It is funny that people that get caught now on the internet for murder, they always are Googling what they need. They're always like, how do I get rid of a body? They Google it. Oh, dude, it's crazy. And they all do it. It's like, you hear this story all the time. They're always like, does acid melt bodies? Where can I buy acid?

They're like chat cheap Teeing. Well, also we have so much ring came footage, security footage, camera phones, everything. So you get to see these idiots' reactions when they get caught being told, we know you murdered someone or something. They're like, they're like, oh, crazy. How did you guys know? I mean, there's so much evidence. You went to a, you went to Home Depot and you said, hey, I killed a guy. How do I get rid of him?

Hey, does my wife and child's body fit in this plastic drum? I kind of want to keep banging my whore secretary, and I just can't deal with divorce. I mean... I mean... Does this... Do you give discounts to veterans? They're like, yes, we do, sir. Where are your tool belts?

No murder, no murder for you. I don't think so. No, you wouldn't do it, except for when you're on stage. Shocker. Shocker did You are such a funny Funny funny funny comedian You're funny little dirty boy

You're sweetie thank you're one of the funniest dude Are you touring? What are you doing? Are you putting out a special? Road till I die man I'm on the road I think I have like Two weekends off till January

Ianfinance.com for tickets Ianfinance.com please go see you Oh McCone saw me in Chicago Where? At Zanies And I did like an improvised set with the piano and I had this guy come on stage and play the piano and so I'm putting that out

on my YouTube in in like two weeks and then um... Zaney's Old Town? Yeah. Awesome. The best. Awesome. I love it so much. I love that club so much.

It's just such a cool, I don't know, that we were talking about that the other night about old clubs that still have the thing inside of them that you just can't replace. You're never going to be able to build it again. The spirit. Yeah. It's so funny. I don't know what it is about old comedy clubs. I like the dirty.

I feel that way about the Hartford Funny Bone. No. I was waiting. I was like, go for it, man. Yeah, dude, I don't know what it is about Zaney's old, I think it's just like so compact, long but tight and it just has this like

feel to it and I think it does it exists because it has so many old headshots of like the guys that were huge at the time when the club opened and you just have this feel, it's a feeling that doesn't exist at a bunch of other places.

It's just hard to duplicate that stuff. Yeah. It's like your favorite restaurant, you know? And when they do upgrades sometimes, like, if I go back to a place, I've been a long time and they've, like, upgraded them. I hate it. I hate it.

You didn't need to upgrade. It was fine. Yeah. No, we want to, you know. Now we do Brussels sprouts. Leave it. All right. Leave it. By the way, that's such a fucking scam.

The greatest new food scam is Brussels sprouts. You know, we go through these waves of everybody wants a thing. On every fucking gastro pub menu. Who's Brussels sprouts PR team? Who's trying to get that out there? I hate him so much. Whenever somebody orders them, I'm like, what is that?

What's this gig for? I'll be honest. Maple glazed Brussels sprouts is good. Maple glazed anything is going to be good. He's like, oh, we have maple glazed asparagus. You're like, I mean, I guess I'll try it. You know, it's a bad rap or people don't talk about enough, and I've been a proponent of this.

bocchoy love a good bock garlic seared bock joy love a good bock and a soup bock and a ramen love bock and a ramen

love bock and a ramen I make dude I make garlic and I crisp the garlic up and then I put the bok choy on I want you to come over and cook sometime

why would you ever choose to leave me girlfriend ex girlfriend were you a Coachella yeah you performed right? You were out. Yeah, you did pretty good. Thank you. Main stage?

Wow. You and Bees? Me and Bebes. I had the same PR as Brussels sprouts. And they got me the gig. Yeah, they're pushing you guys around a big time. I could see going to a meeting with some firm or whatever. Be like, just did a Brussels Sprouts campaign. And we actually got them into every restaurant. So, you know, we think we could do something with kind of your, like, bisexual mania, kind of like working man

not feminine alpha energy that kind of could see you maybe doing something you know like you're like kind of maple glazed yourself and be like okay you are kind of maple glazed because you are you're sweet but you're stiff

you're a man but you're a boy and you're tough but you're sensitive and you're funny but you're an idiot choice I make It is

It's a bold choice You gotta be smart to be dumb You gotta be dumb to be smart You have to be Is that John Prine I think if it's you're gonna be dumb You're gonna be tough Yeah if you're gonna be dumb

You gotta be tough You like John Prine? There's flies in the kitchen In spite of ourselves There it is What's the P4 in the hat? P-Shee Pussy

What is that for? Pussy! Come on. It's... A Philly thing? For pussy? No, it's Phillies. It's like, it was their P logo from 1934 to 1935. That's the original Phillies logo? No, they had like other ones, but they only had this for one year. That's fantastic. It looks like calligraphy.

Thank you. Yes, that's why I like it. I love the Detroit D, and I was wearing that hat for a while, and I would say it's for Delaware. But nobody listened to me. It is funny. And now I say it's for Philly, and everybody goes, no, it's for pussy. Everybody knows you love pussy. They do. They do.

Joe, name of the episode, obviously, is Ian Fightass loves pussy. Oh, no, please don't know. Please do. I'm trying to distance myself from all of that. Oh, you're going to guys? No, just from, like, being, like, sex guy. Oh, okay. You know?

Well, you are kind of a sex guy. I'm an everything guy. Yeah, and now what? Now you don't want to eat anymore. You want love? I do want love. I'm a lover boy. I'm in my lover girl era.

So what is this? You think it's the seasons come? Summer's coming and your... So a lot of people want to be single in the summer. You want to be tied down. I don't look at as tied down. I look at as interlocked. Wow.

I want to be interlocked. You need it. I think I need to be... Are you on all the apps? No, I'm not on anything. I think I need to be by myself for a while because I think I... I, uh, it's... It can... I can... I stayed out of things.

for like five years and I just was in something that was so like addictive and like almost like a high with how love is a drug love is a drug it's unbelievable you kind of did you change oh dude I

canceled half this Netflix trip to go spend the weekend with her in Boston and thank God she cheated on me and I got everything back so thank God you know rejection is a conception. What's it called? Rejection. Rejection is

inception. Rejection is redirection? Rejection is redirection. I like some of the other ones. Rejection is acceptance. I like that. Rejection is acceptance that you kind of suck sometimes. And that's fine. Rejection is some other guy's erection that a girl was on. Fuck you, McCone, you piece of shit. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Did you catch her with the dude?

No, it was, I don't want to get into it, but it was, it's for the best, and it wasn't going to work out. It was long distance. She lived far away, and it was just like, you know, like FaceTiming all the time. And you get kind of in that mode of being with, so breaking that routine has been kind of like a. Did you do phone sex? Tough. Yeah. FaceTime phone sex?

Do you ever do that? Yeah, it's fun. It is. Yeah, it's fun. It is. It's fun if everyone's in. And it's fun when you don't worry about your angles.

I mean, I would imagine women do worry about the angles more than we do. That's so funny because I worry about my angles. I said women. Yeah. You do. You think about the angles. I think about the angles, yeah. I got to be up high or like, well, the first time we did it,

I was, like, feeling really good. And then we were, like, both there. and I dropped my phone. I was like, oh, wait, what? And then it's just like, when there's noise on my phone, my cat will paw at it. So she's like, where are you? I just came.

Oh, my cat's like, he, and the Benny Hill theme song's funny. Your cat's just like, your cat's just nosing the camera over and over. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I mean, it was, it was like,

it was what it was. I'm glad it happened. It sucks. It ended that way. Maybe in time will be like pals about it, but it's just like, you know, too raw right now, but I'm still in that mode of like, God, I miss like my friend, you know. Yeah, you'll get back there. But a friend doesn't treat someone like that way.

Yeah. Yeah, you're going to get back with a new friend. You're going to find what you deserve. I mean, you living on the road, it's got to be a nightmare. Well, that's the thing, too. The writing was kind of on the wall. She didn't really want to travel. She didn't want to leave the town she was in.

And it's like, well, what are we doing then? You're touring by yourself, and then you're, are you opening for a tell, too, sometimes? No, I was just all headlining on my own. But didn't you go out with Dave for a long time? Yeah, he kept me alive for like six years. And then what? Now you never will go out of them again? Or he doesn't.

No, I would. But, you know, my schedule is, you know, I'm like headlining every weekend. Yeah. So it's opening for him is, it's conflicting schedules. Yeah. But it is so funny. I miss being with him on the road so much. Got to be the best.

It's so much fun. It's so funny. Being a headliner is great, but you're like, so nice to go open for someone and just hang out. I know, yeah. Especially him, because we keep the same hours and everything. And, like, you know, we were just, like, sit and chain smoke until the sun comes up. And it was, like, so nice and fun. You go to bed at what time?

I'm a lot better now, but for a while, it was between, like, four and six. Damn. But now. Midnight, one in the morning? Now it's probably, like, two or three. And you wake up at what time? probably 9.30. And then

hits a snooze. 937 because the snoozes every 7 minutes and then I get out of bed at 3 p.m. Guide them. No, I wake up at 9.30 and I'll putts around and then I'll like take a nap later in the day before I have to do my next thing. And then I kind of sleep in shifts sometimes.

You're like an oil rigger. You're like an oil rigger. like an oil riga. Sorry about that. Yeah, but I mean, dude, the schedule is like so, it's like appealing to a partner for like a minute. And then they're like, oh, this kind of sucks, you know. Yeah, because it's hard on even us. You're like, I don't know how people want to be with this thing.

Because you're coming home so intermittently. And then when you are gone, a lot of times, too, it's like when I'm on the road, even when we talk because you want to talk because you miss, you're also so kind of like, it. level mode in your mind. You're doing shit that you're like, I gotta go to talk to you later. I gotta fucking... Yeah, but also there's that thing that you hear the sad and their voice of like,

I miss you, I wish you were here and that makes me feel like helpless because I want to like fix and make feel good. Yeah. So it makes me feel like impotent when I'm like, well, I wish I was there too. Nothing you can do, you know? So I have to like, I had to be like,

okay, instead of saying you miss me, for me to make it not so tough, and for you too, it'd be better if you were to say, like, I'm so excited to see you. Mm-hmm. and I think, you know, I made jokes and it didn't end well or whatever, but there was a connection to me and this person had and it did show me what I want. I do want, I think I'm at the phase where I do want a partner and I want to bring someone around with me.

Like I would love to have whomever I'm with travel with me and like do these weekends with me and make like the weekends like mini vacations and fun stuff like that. You know, like that's what I would really like because it can get like so intensely lonely. Oh my God, dude. And I don't want to be the guy that just, like, hooks up with someone on the road. And, you know, I've been a tumbleweed blowing through town before, okay? This tumbleweed is done blowing. Guys.

Unless. You got a hog. Then I'm shuck it. Then I'm shuckered. I'm fucking. I'm bouncing on that thing crazy style. Well, you put out a good advertisement. I really hope somebody fishes through this episode sees it.

pitches themselves to you. No, thank you. Because I, I, I'm going to be alone for a while. I don't want to be with you. I don't, why? That's why I'm here. I can't do it. It was the whole point of it.

I know, I just, I realized it. McCone, you have that sign I said that says, will you go to prom with me in 2026? Oh, dude, listen to this. I'm such a hopeless romantic. This girl, I flew her out to visit me the first time we met, because we met on, she'd DM me. And the joke was that she was too good to be true,

and she was, like, so beautiful. and like really into me and I'm like this is a scam. You're like an Indian crypto guy. Like this is, your name's Gardeep. You must give us your bank account. Dude. Enter now, please. So when when she flew in, I got a ticket to like I got a cheap $100 dollar ticket to Ohio

so I could get through TSA and surprise or at her gate. That's pretty rad. Yeah. You bought a ticket just so you could be at the gate. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Romance.

And I had to. a sign that said Gar-deep on it when she got off the plane because I would call her Gar-Dip. And then on the other side it said, I can't wait to be Gar-Dip inside you. I'm a fun guy.

You are a fun guy, dude. I'll find my princess Prince Charming. Which one do you prefer? I just want a person that I have a connection with. Yeah. You know.

It's a lot harder to meet people when, like, people are deep in their careers and they're successful and they kind of have, they're more planted in who they are. I think that's harder. When you're young and you're all broke, that's the other thing, too. When you're young and you're all broke, you can pull someone way out of your league because you're like, we're all poor. You're hot, but you're not rich. Yeah. I'm ugly, but I'm, we're all poor. Yeah.

And you like me because I'm nice and funny. Yeah. Well, I think that's why so many athletes are like married to the girl they're with in high school, you know, like you're day one, like when you're both. Yeah. Because they're like, well, they're like, well, they. They know me versus you're famous now, you're rich now. You know what I mean? And look at you.

You're famous and rich now, and so good luck. I owe a lot of money to the IRS. You don't pay your taxes? I do. No. Did you skip? Skip to my Lou. Skip to my Lou, dude.

A little hopscotch. A little bit of, uh, what's his name went away? Snipes. Oh, sniping. Wesley's sniping those tanks. Snipein them out. How long did he? go away for?

Wesley Snipes got clipped. Yeah, I think he and I are in a couple different brackets. Well, no, I think it was just he owed so much. Yeah, 28 months in federal prison. I would love that. Go to Club Fed for a while. For not filing returns from 99 to 2001.

Only 29-201? That's it? You're in deep shit. No! He was originally sentenced to three years. And he got two years. More than the amount of time. No, I'm fine. You get less for murder.

That's crazy. Yeah. Murder people get out in like five years. You're like, what they like? It's crazy. They're like, hey, you can't murder. We'll give you four and a half. This guy didn't pay his taxes.

They're like, dude, this is, you're going away. You're in trouble, snipey. That's so fucked up to me. It was only two years? Yeah. I'm taking care of this all now. Did you, is it hot in here? No.

No, he's going to start sweating. No, I, uh, no, I'm paying them all. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. I'll find love again. In club fed. You find love in prison? Oh, my God.

I found love in a hopeless place. No, no, no. I want to hold on to the inside of his pocket. That's my man. He don't make me. That's my man. What would your name be on the inside? What's your little cute name on the inside?

Jumpy guy. What? Jumpy guy? It goes jumpy guy. Hey, hey, hey, jumpy. If you grab them, you can fuck them. Oh, yeah. I put Vaseline on myself.

Can't grab me. Slippery. Yeah. They call me Slipperyn. Slipperyn. Slipperyn. Slipperyn. Slipperyn.

Slipperyn. Yeah. I'm going to Sliperine right in that ass, boy. Oh, no. I got a tactical air choosing my name. Shit. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, let's go to Mars.

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Please support our show and tell them that we sent you to Mars. Tinger. I like Tangers. I would just never shower. I'd say fuck it. We'd just never shower. I'd be a bad lay, so no one else would want to do it. Like when they're getting it in and you're just like, come on, hurry up.

Just complaining the whole time? I'd totally be a pill of princess. My stomach hurts. They wouldn't like it. You want to chat afterwards? Where are you going? Yeah, yeah. Stay.

Stay. Would you still like me if I was a worm? This bitch crazy. Who's slaying? Slane is wild. You don't get to go to bed until I finish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm laying in bed.

I'm like, I had a dream someone else is your bottom bitch. He's telling all his boys on the yard. He's like, this motherfucker will keep telling me all these nightmares he's having. I can't tossing and turn it. I had a dream you shared a pudding cup with someone else. You wouldn't do that to me, would you?

I'm your bitch. I noticed you've been leaving your kitchen shift earlier than I have. Is that just, I mean, I know there's distance, but there needs to be something that's done. I can't believe we made the scenario up and I'm like seeing it in my mind.

Like, this is a great scene from a movie. Oh, yeah. I feel like it's a Wayans Brothers movie. Yeah. That they've already made. That loves too hard. Aren't they doing another scary movie? Their remakes coming out.

Yeah, it's about to hit theaters. I'm so stoked that's back. I hope that kind of comedy comes back. Like, goofy, stupid comedy needs to live again. We need it, dude. We're so fucked. Comedy's so weird now. It's like, just give me goofball.

Seeing Scary Movie 2 in theaters. Oh, my God, dude. In Bethany Beach, Delaware in, like, 2000. I just remember like laughing to the point of like hurt. It hurt. It was so fucking funny. And it didn't care. It doesn't take itself serious.

No. Like we have just nothing is like that now. You know it's weird. I did, I saw a preview for it and it mentions like pronouns and like non-binary stuff and it's like but those movies back then, they were funny for the sake of funny and didn't mention anything like in the

zeitgeist of the world. Film is too, well, we're too aware. That's kind of the biggest problem. Because this thing, this thing's made like everyone so aware of everything all the time. It's like naked gun. I loved naked gun. And they remade it. And it's a good

you know, it's like a good swing. But it's such a self-aware movie now. And I think the originals were so dumb and they lived kind of in a vacuum. Well, you've got to be smart to be dumb. if you're gonna be tough you gotta be dumb I just you need dumb shit

we need more dumb dumb for the sake of dumb not like dumb with a point well Theo and Spade's movie did well I mean I think it made money and it's dumb it's a dumb movie about them trying to be waiters

dude and so it's like that thing should continue Ricky Stedakey that was a dumb movie It was a dumb dumb dumb movie silly fun stupid great throwback comedy.

Yeah, it was fun. It was such a dumb fucking movie. I was like, why is it? But then every time you pitch these things, people, like, it's just the machine is like, we don't know what to do with that. You know, like, people want it. You just have to give them something.

They don't know they miss it yet because you can't keep shelling out Avengers. What were you looking up? I'm just looking at budgets. How much was the budget? It says a lot of the full information is now because it just recently came out, but it had a production budget

of around 3 million. Scary movie? No, no, busboys. But it was all self. Yeah, it was all self-financed. Three million, and they made how much? I'm still going, I'm still fine. I think they made a lot of money on it.

I think they made like... Good for them. But it's for us, because, like, we need to do. That's what I want. I want you to call me, and I want to, like... Or I want to call my friends and be like, let's go make something really fucking dumb. I mean, I would fucking love that if I didn't owe so much money,

the goddamn IRS. You win snipes, dude. You're holding me back. Man? The man is holding you down. 1.6 Millie, but it's only been out for a couple. And that's just from theatrical release, which is great. So once they sell a deal to put on a streamer, hopefully.

Thanks a lot, Obama. That's great. That's fantastic. And it's just great that a comedy got a theatrical release at any capacity. That's a bummer about Stenickey that didn't get one. I know Amazon promised us we would. And why didn't you? Because they lied. The business is so funny.

They're like, it's going to be in the movies. And then got closer to, and we're like, when's it come out? And they're like, we're working on it, but it's going to be in the theaters. And they got even closer and they were like, it's gonna be on Amazon. What the fuck? And we're like, I thought you said that was a whole. And they were like, yeah, no, yeah, it's not gonna be. It's just kind of like a like a shitty father who's like, I'll be there.

And you're like, where were you? Like, I didn't go. I didn't show up. And you're like, wait, but you told me you would. And they're like, yeah, I know. Well, we didn't. The dad in a first act of a 90s family movie. Right.

Shitty dad works too much. Yeah, before he changes. Yeah, 100%. The dad and angels in the outfield? Every 90s movie. Family again, when the Angels independent and when Ricky Stinniki hits theaters.

Every shitty dad in every movie like that. Hook. Hook. Late to the kids' baseball game. Ler, liar. Lyer. Such a good theme. I just re-watched Hook. So good. So sick.

I used to see that guy. I used to live in my neighborhood. Rufio? Yeah. Really? In West Hollywood. I see him all the time. Whoa. Bobby knows him. Oh, yeah.

Is he still around? I'm pretty sure I mean he's got to be still acting right I mean he's a young guy He's only got to be 50 He can't be much older than us He's not young 50 50 50's not young

Yeah you're on the money he's 50 Is 50 young Dante Basco Yeah what do you mean 50 50 50's young No He's got a lot of time left In the film industry dude In film and television

Yeah 50 years I mean in like the annals of life 30 more years average That's a long time Really? I feel like I'm so old. I'm 41. Yeah, but you, you, you display elder.

Oh. Like you, you know what I mean? What? You smoke like it's over soon. My pronouns are, huh, and what? Roseanne Barr, everybody. Yeah, my pronouns are. Fucking you.

Shut up. My pronouns are, can I smoke in here? Yeah, but you project old. You give you get it's giving old I would like to think that I project wisdom Mm hmm That's what an old guy would say Yeah, we're the same age pretty much

Yeah, but we look old We look, we both look old in different ways But do you still act young Because I've had to reel that back Of like throwing my body into insane like I don't need to strat like I'm doing the two bears 5K on Saturday You're doing that I haven't run a 5K since high school

I'm running in these. What am I doing? Ian, that's a terrible idea. What should I do? Go get running shoes. Running, running shoes. You think? You're going to hurt your... What size shoe are you? Well, I'm thinking about not running and just speedwalking. What size shoe are you? Mine. I can give you some running shoes. Get him, give him some... We'll give you some shoes. I'm like a ten and a half. Should I run? No, but you speedwalk. Even if you speedwalk, don't do it in vans.

Really? These are, this is no support on these shoes. Dude, what the fuck? I'm like your dad right now. I wish. Yeah, I would be. Just tell me it's gonna be okay. It's not gonna be okay. You are going to get hurt in those. You think? 100%. That's so bad.

It's flat-footed like that. Get that about the content. What about the content? So I should get sneaker. Because I wasn't going to run. I was going to speedwalk in these. Even still, that's a waste. Yeah.

It's still bad for you. It's so bad. I was hoping about being so slow because it's around a track, right? You are slow. Yes, it's around a track. You got to be smart to be. It's on the track at the Rose Bowl. Correct.

I was hoping being so slow that they think like I could like skip a mile. So you just do one lap and they're like, you did it. Yeah, yeah. That's really funny. You just do one slow lap. When you come back, they've all done. Yeah. 5K is how far?

How many laps? 3.1 miles? 3.2 miles? A 2.2 miles? A 2.5. 4 laps is 8. I ran cross country in high school. 2119.

PR. What the fuck is up? It's not good. Not good. I broke 16. Really? I was a good runner. I ran in high school for a hot minute.

Really? Dude, I used to run as an adult every day until I hurt my back and then I stopped. Well, that's, dude, I just run seven miles a day. Isn't that so dumb? Yeah. How? Where? I would just catch the itch and I would just at night, I'd be at home and then I'd be like, all right, I'm going to go.

And I would just. See, I do that on the bike. I can't do that run. I can't run to save my life. I used to run and black out. It was fun. You would just black out from it. You disappear.

I'm, you know, like a big smoker, so I can't run, but I can ride a bike, great. When are we going to quit smoking? We? What do you got a mouse in your pocket? What the fuck you talking about? We. Are you back in prison again? That's prison, Ian. Prison Ian? We do need to quit. You and I.

Yeah? I don't smoke, but you should quit. You know why I want you to quit? I'm cutting back. No, you're not. Yeah. What are you smoking? A pack a day? This money of business.

Okay. A pack to two, and I was over two. And I'm in a pack to two. So funny, you'll smoke two packs a day for 20 more years, outlive all of us. It's meaningless. Bobby's off at still, A-Nie. Bobby quit again, but I don't know if he- Ain't come from.

I love an A-N-I every now again. It sounded like you're from the 50s. Bobby's off of it, A-N-Y. Oh, what's going on with Bobby? What's going on with Bobby? Back on the smokes? Is he still on the Nicotine Express? Well, you go get him a pack of Lucky Strikes and he'll quit tomorrow.

You know, yeah, he did, but you know, I know now that he's on the road he's touring again. I bet you he's smoking. I bet my bank account. Because I know him. He's a little sneak away. He's an addict, right? And I know his addict habits. And I know because he's stressed and it's hard and it's a lot and it's heavy and it's pressure. I know he's sneaking away when Carlos and the boys aren't looking. And late at night, if he's up playing games, I bet you's cracking the hotel window and ripping heaters out of there. I guarantee you. Oh, dude. I'll crack the hotel window. I'll cut the little screen open. Yeah. Have to. Everyone I know that smokes does that. Yeah.

No one's going to go downstairs. I know. No, you're not gonna. It's just so funny. It's like they pretend to you're like, well, just walk down. You're like, no, I'll just crack the windows. Do you get hit with charges? Do they catch you?

No, they don't catch this guy. Well, only one, only people that have ever caught me is the IRS. You're done for now. No, no, I'm paying. Everything's fine. I'm good. Say it's so unsure. You know?

It's. It's fine. We'll be fine. It's fine. By the way, we shouldn't say this out loud because this is listening to us. Oh, oh yeah, and that? This thing is, well, this doesn't matter. Oh, shit.

The IRS doesn't watch Whiskey Ginger. Oh, shit. I asked them not to, politely. The CIA watches it, though. Yeah, of course they do. Fucking Palantir is probably a fucking sci-opt ad. Hell yeah. This episode brought to you by Palantir and Black Rock.

And we have one more. Monsanto also sponsors this show. Yeah. Montanto, don't worry about it. Monsanto, just eat it, will you? Forget about it. Yeah, just forget about it. It's supposed to be that color. Monsanto, you already have microplastics in your body. Get over it. Who cares?

Oh, that's like that documentary I talk about to everybody. Have you seen the devil we know? It's about how everybody on this earth has Teflon in their blood. And it dates all the way back to the Korean War. Really? Every human on planet Earth has Teflon in their blood. Why? Because we use Teflon so freely.

Shout out DuPonts, Delaware. DuPont, DuPont, DuPont. What's up? We used it so heavily, so freely, and so many products that cross-contaminated into almost everything, and then it got in our bloodstream. Is it bad that it's in our blood? Yeah, no, it's good that Teflon's in our blood.

Then that's great. It's insane. It's like creepy, and they tested blood of people from all over the world, and the only active person they could find without it at the time of the testing was pre-Korean war. Really? Yeah. So what's the Teflon in her blood do?

Well, it's probably slowly giving us all a certain kind of cancer. It's probably metastasizing something in your body. I wish I had this ammo when I was at my ex and she came to my apartment was like, I'm not drinking her tap water. I wish I was like, well, there's Teflon in your blood. Get over it, bitch. Yeah, a little fluoride will help you? What? She didn't want tap.

She didn't drink tap water? No. That's crazy. I know. Tapwater in New York? Yeah. It's like the cleanest tap water in the country. Yeah.

Don't they get rated every year like the highest tap water? That's why the peach. She also didn't believe in medicine. Oh. So. Oh, maybe she was a sclientalot list. Ah, no, just like a hippie. Hippie.

Oh, hippies don't like medicine. That's so funny. Yeah. So they get an infection when they're playing barefoot soccer, Bob Marley. And then what do you do? Bob Marley, shut out. Shut up.

Also, that wasn't an infection of being barefoot. That was actually the government that injected him with that. because he was actually bringing people together and that's not what they want. It's not what we want. No. It's not what I want. Wait.

The Teflin or Marley? No, look up the Teflon. Modern Teflon is PFOA free historical or degradation-related exposure to PFA chemicals have been linked to increased cholesterol levels liver damage, reduced immune response, and potential reproductive issues. It's not directly classified as a carcinogen.

Some say it's associated it with cancer. Isn't that incredible that they're able to be like, it's not a fucking carcinogen? This is, we need Aaron Brockovich. What is she? Dude, I don't know, but let me tell you, Julia Roberts, hot. So beautiful. In everything.

She's so good. She's great. She had a generational run of just incredible films one after another. Yeah, she doesn't miss. Why is she not celebrated more? You know who doesn't get celebrated that I think should all the time? Tracy Olman. Oh, so talented.

Dude, incredible. Yeah, so talented. Amazing comedic actress So talented But I think also stays out of the public eye So it's kind of that thing where like if you don't Well let's fucking find her She's right here, Trace

Trace I think if you don't want the noise You stay away from it And then people are like Where are you abandoned? It's like avoiding you And all this bullshit Like Shelly Duvall Yeah

Ouch Rick Moranis Yeah that one was Did I ever tell you my thing about Rick Moranus? What? I don't know Oh dude this was crazy Do you know him? No this was nuts

Is he hanging out with Tracy? Rick! Rick! Bring in Tracy! Almost 10 years ago I wrote this thing called Where Are You Rick Moranus? Because you know how you disappeared out the face of the earth?

And I did all this research about it and I wanted to make a documentary about finding Rick Moranus because he was just a huge piece of our childhood with Honey I Shrunk and Ghostbusters and so I wanted to like find him

and this has always happened to society is like it's drumming up without you even knowing because you know how he then he came back he started playing music and doing shows in new york all over the place then he got hit in the face remember that he got somebody punched him right but prior to this he was kind of quiet and i was like i want to know why and i googled and found out all the stuff that when his wife passed away he chose to kind of step back from the business but at one point google this was the highest grossing box office earner in the shortest amount of time

of any actor like made more money in a short little giants little giant little giant little Put him over. No, but it was like the highest gross box office in a, in a condensed amount of time or something like that. It was crazy. What? Because he was in Ghostbusters. Because Ghostbusters and Honey, I shrunk the kids. Earned $238 million.

Honey, I shrunk the kids, the series made between $130 million to $222 million. Flintstones $130 million. Ghostbusters 2, $112 to $215 million. What year of this? What year? This is all just, I mean, Ghostbusters 84 going up to the early 90s. That's insane. With honey, I shrunk in.

$200 million in 94 is hilarious. It's a billion-dollar comedy movie. It's fucking crazy. But anyway, I was doing this thing. I wanted to, like, shoot this doc about finding Rick Moranis. And I was, because I was obsessed. Like, this is such a great, is going to be amazing story of a guy who, like, comedically influenced my life.

And then he came back on the scene. He, like, came back into the Hollywood world. He was, like, around again. People were talking to him. Like a groundhog. He came out. It saw a shadow, dude. Six years.

More years of Rick. Of Rick. And it kind of bummed me out because I really wanted to do this comedy exploration. I was like, that was my foray into being like, I want to do a documentary. He's like gone again. So you can do that.

He's going to be in the new space balls. No, he's going to be in new space balls. Yeah, he's acting again. But he hasn't been in a film since the two Brother Bear movies. He wasn't, what movies? Disney, the Brother Bear movies. He was a voice actor.

I was surprised he wasn't in the Ghostbusters reboot at all. I was not surprised. A little sad. I could see him being like, I don't want to do that. I did the original. I don't want to do that. It'd be hard to get you to go back to something because you did the original was so good.

You'd be like, I don't know if I want to fuck it up. You know what you remind me of in the best way, Bill Murray? Do you ever get that? Is that a good thing? He's my favorite person in all the time. I love him, Cubs fan, Chicago. I think he's such an amazing comedic actor and just like his sly, sarcastic. Like, he's just so great.

You remind me a lot of him. I love you. He's the king. He's the king. He owns the St. Paul Saints. He does on the St. Paul Saints. Really? What is that? Minor League Baseball.

Minor League, St. Paul, Minnesota. I love baseball. You hate baseball. I love baseball. You hate it. I have a Phillies tattoo on my shin. I know you do. So when people see it, I go, this is a thing I hate.

I love, dude, I only like baseball in the, like, 70s, 80s, and early 90s. I hate the steroid era. I don't like how sterile road. things are now. I love baseball with like Ozzy Smith, Ryan Sandberg, hard slides, getting trucked at home. Andre Dawson. I love it.

I love that kind of baseball. Old school. Old school baseball. That's what I like. Yeah, like you're not going to get that. Well, you're not going to get that ever again. In fact, you're not even going to get like cool young, hot guys. You're not going to get like hot being powerful. I mean, like Ken Griffey was like hot as a pistol and he was so cool. Yeah. Like that guy, that...

Even the swings. Nobody has like a sweet swing now. Well, now it's all technical. That was back, it was just like feel. That's what I liked about baseball. Hunches, feels, feelings. Oh, the guy's up to it. Superstitions.

300 pitches, but he's humming, so we're going to keep him in. And now somebody gets, they could be into the eighth inning on a shutout, and they're like, 78 pitches, we get to take them out. It's so gross. Well, they do play too many fucking games. I mean, that's a big part of it now. You're like, this is too many fucking games. Why?

It's always been this venue. No, I know it has, but it is too many games. It just is at some point. It's too many fucking games. No. It's harder for them to care anymore. No. They're too young.

It's too much money. They don't care. That will take the money away. I agree. Put it into the community that the team is playing for. This is where I think you could change the game for the better as you're like, take some of this fucking money back. Yeah. Stop overpaying for this thing.

Just take it away. Dude, there should be salary caps with all fucking athletes and stadiums and all that money made after a certain point should go back to the community around it. How about this? How about this, athletes only get, there's a cat, everyone gets paid the exact same. Yeah. Every athlete gets paid the same and they still have to have jobs in the off season. Yes. Those are the good old days.

And they have to hang out with me sometimes because they'd be cool. They have to be a refrigerator salesman or whatever? Yeah. Like he was like, who was doing that? Who was selling fridges in the off season or selling, what was he selling in the off season? It was like appliances. There was a famous baseball player that sold appliances in the off season. They're like, what are you doing?

He's like, oh, the fucking Yankees don't pay me. Or was that just like that. old baseball player that we now know has autism, but he was known for like chasing fire trucks in the middle of a game. Like that kind of guy. Jackie Robinson? Jackie did? Worked at Sunset Appliances in Queens, New York following the, oh, well, this is from

his 1949 NL MVP season, which I'm assuming is Negro Leagues. In the Negro League. I'm wearing a Negro League's hat right now, actually. Interesting. So you think we should go back to segregation. Wow. Okay. The water fountains were much better

Now this is a Negro League hat Oh, that's great for what team Chicago American Giants Nice I didn't even realize what I put on until we said that And I was like, oh yeah, I think I've been eager league hat Yeah, that's great. Yeah, shatown. And the logos are cooler back then. Way cooler, dude.

Life was better when We were segregated, when we went to our own schools When we were segregated. And that couldn't come into our restaurants. My dad was alive. Life was so much better. Life is good now. Life is great now. And, you know, heartache and pain exists. It's going to go away, though, because you're going to find someone new and love.

Please email, right here is our email. Please email. I want to be with Ian at gmail.com. And we're going to, you have to make that now. You have to make I want to be with Ian at gmail.com. I love eating pussy. But more than that, I love listening. While you're eating.

I'll eat pussy. I go, hark. Hark! Go to I want to be with Ian at gmail. No, yeah, we're doing it. No, I don't want to be in a relationship. I want to heal. I need to be alone.

By the email, I'll take a look. Send a pick. And go see him at eInfidance.com. I'm sure is your website. Are you a punch-up guy? Is it that that thing? It redirects the punch-up. Always does you.

I feel like it's just easier to say. It's all one of the same. Ianfinance.com. Go see him live. One of the funniest comedians I know, a good friend of mine. We end the show the same way. What? His website says, well, he's just an excitable boy.

He is an exciting about a album. Warren's Ivan. We've talked about Zivon. What a great song. That book was so heartbreaking that his wife wrote, though. Oh, yeah. It's beautiful, but heartbreaking at the end. It really fucking made me sad.

I was, like, reading it in public, and I was like, I should read this at home. You know what you're like doing something in public? I should be private for this. This is sad. That's how I felt about Motley Cruz the Dirt. Sad. Come on. Sad.

We end the show the same way. Looking at that camera, say one word or one phrase. It'll all be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end. end. Shout out to my cat, Samson, and Glenn. If you guys are watching, I love you so much. They're not.

In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You only $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell now. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Thank you.