Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Jared Freid

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

What up Whiskey Ginger fans! On the show this week we have the hilarious Jared Freid. Are they sipping the good stuff at 7am? You betcha! This is a great one. Be sure to check out Jared Freid's Netflix Special 37 and single out now! #jaredfreid #whiskeyginger #andrewssantino #podcasts ============================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: WHISKEY https://rabbitholedistillery.com/drizly AURA FREE 14 DAY TRIAL https://aura.com/whiskey RAYCON For 15% OFF YOUR ORDER https://buyraycon.com/whiskey ========================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Drink responsibly. Jump down the rabbit hole with me. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, it's Jared Freed.

This dude is a wonderful human being. He's got a special out on Netflix right now, 37 and single. Please go check it out immediately if you're a Netflixian. Go check it out. He made a comedy special for you. He's also on tour.

I'm also on tour coming back in the fall. Me and Bob Lee, me and Robert E. Lee, a descendant of Robert E. Lee. Bobby Lee, we're on the road. We're going to Chicago, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Madison, D.C., Rochester, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Denver. You name it, we're on it. We're on the road. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com

for those tickets. There's enough rambling from me so far, so let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth.

I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Jared Freed in the house. Dude, cheers to you. Dude, cheers. It's a pleasure to, like, meet you, really. Yeah, in the real world. In the real world. Well, I've passed you in the club. Dude, cheers to you. It's a pleasure to, like, meet you, really. Yeah, in the real world. In the real world. Well, I've passed you in the club.

Passing by. Different. Love it. It's very good, right? Love it. Real good sauce. Real good in the stomach. Yeah, 7.30 in the morning, we're drinking.

This is awesome. No, I've seen you. We've passed each other in the world. It's in passing stuff. I, you know, there are people in comedy that I see from afar and I'm like, I think we'll get along. Yeah. And then I don't think you trusted that, that, that, that intention.

I think it's. It's taken a long time for us to make this happen. I, not due to lack of effort from me. Yeah, no, you're putting in a lot of work. Yeah, a lot of work. You know what it is? I felt like I was trying to like bang you. I, I, uh. Jewish. I feel Jewish. You're Jewish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even know how to say it. Yeah, you lot of work. You know what it is? I felt like I was trying to, like, bang you. I, I, uh...

Jewish. I feel Jewish. You're Jewish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even know how to say it. Yeah, you're Jewish. Yeah, that was... Please.

I can't get... I have too many Jewish friends. Well, no, no, no. Yeah, no, no, no. I hit the mark, dude. I don't like that. I read the list and I go, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That's how I know that the problem was. You were like, I've met this guy before. I know his vibe. I know this. Summer camp Jew. Oh, you are a summer camp Jew. Yeah, two power wheels growing up. What's going on with the summer camp Jew kids?

What is that? Is this a place to go hook up when you're young? Well, no, there's two types. There's co-ed and there's all boys. I went to an all boys Jewish summer camp. My dad went there. My uncle went there. See, this is where you go because you're Catholic.

That's your problem, not our problem. I'm just saying, my mother and father never sent me to a lake. Yeah, because your mom and dad didn't fuck. They didn't send me to a lake with all boys. Yeah, my parents were like, we want to have sex. We want to keep our relationship alive. Why all boys? Why can't it be co-ed camp? Because all

boys takes away all the shit. Like, all the, you know, athletes. People play sports. You know, and then you can think you're a good athlete as a Jew. That's what you go for. But you guys... But you're not good athletes.

Yeah, then we get back home and we're like, oh, fuck. Then you meet black people. Then it's over. Then it kicks into full gear. I never went to a summer camp because my parents fucked while we're home.

Like, good Irish Catholics. Yeah, you guys are like, get out of the house so we can fuck. They're fucking when we're eating breakfast. That's the deal. No, but quietly. No, get out of the house so we can fuck. Yeah. They're fucking when we're eating breakfast. That's the deal. No, but quietly.

No, no, no. They're smashing to pieces. Yeah, they're shaking the ceiling. You can see the light in the kitchen shaking and moving. I just imagine. Irish Catholics,

they can't stop fucking, by the way. Oh, yeah. That's the thing. They don't stop. How many siblings do you have? I'm not one of those. I'm not one of those.

My mom's one of ten. That is insanity to me. Dude, God bless America. Greatest country in the world. Do you know all the uncles and aunts' names? I don't know. I'd be like, ah, that one. There's one we don't talk to.

There's one we put away. One you don't talk to. That's pretty good percentages. There's one we put him away. What do you mean? Like in jail? You know what I'm talking about. We put him away.

Rehab? He's got a room that he stays in and we don't let him out. In the attic? He's got a room that he stays in and we don't let him out. In the attic? He's Harry Potter? He had a bad hump on his back. His eye was crooked and we were like, we can't have this guy. Can't have him out in the wild. No, it's how the Chinese treat people with disabilities.

They hide them. Do you know this? No, no, no. Big deal. No, we talk to all of my uncles and aunts. I know all of them. You talk to them all? Honestly, yeah. That's a big... We're a pretty tight family. I know all of them. You talk to them all? Honestly, yeah.

That's a big... We're a pretty tight family. I mean, I think like... Midwest, Illinois? Chicago, baby. Yeah, you're Boston. You have the same kind of... Well, you know, sports town.

This is why I thought we would get along. You like sports. Love sports. You're a comedian who's not like a nerd. Yeah, you know, I'm a nerd about things that I'm a nerd about. Right? Isn't that... That China history. I isn't that that china

history i i wouldn't know that shit i'll give you so much china yeah you like history love i like the idea i like learning some stuff oh i don't want to learn i'll give you something right now miriam webster you know miriam dictionary yeah of the of the webster okay webster original founder webster was the cat okay he was the motherfucker that was like writing everything down was a scholar then when he died this motherfucker Miriam just like bought the rights and slid in Miriam did no fucking work I see this is the this is the Jew in me I respect that the rights by the way Miriam is a guy that's a guy that's his last name Miriam I was thinking of this way, Miriam is a guy. Is a guy? That's his last name, Miriam.

I was thinking of this hot woman Miriam with a big fat ass. Two last names. Webster, last name Webster, last name Miriam. And Miriam slid in. Slid in. But let's just say it was a woman. Let's just say it was a hot woman. Hot woman.

Curvy. Oh, a thick. Thick wordsmith. A thick business wordsmith. That's a Kardashian. Yeah, that is. That is great. A thick business minded words Kardashian. Yeah, that is. That is great. A thick business-minded wordsmith.

Yeah, that's my type. You think they're smart, the Kardashians? Absolutely. Geniuses. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Are you kidding? It is funny that they've been able to trick the world this many times. Well, it's not trick.

At this point, it can't be a trick. No, there's some good tricks. I think there's no one better at taking the thing and then getting... You know what they're pros at? What I respect? They know that the only way to succeed is to have two sides of an argument. They create stories. They do it every year.

This is what I knew. When they put out the story, because they put out the story that one of them was the first... The younger one was the first self self-made billionaire female billionaire and everyone was like what the fuck they knew what they were doing that just made them more money just the words

self-made female billionaire but she probably was in whatever context but they knew people would get pissed at that so now that story lives in the news like they are people would get pissed at that. Yeah. So now that story lives in the news. Like, they are pros at 2023 PR. Like, that story of Kendall Jenner first self-made. Do you know how many fucking Gary Vee assholes

were out there being like, self-made! They turn into fucking Yosemite Sam, rootin', tootin', I'm self-made! I'm an asshole! Gary Vee, by the way. Shout out Gary Vee. Motivational cuss words.

That's what I call that guy. Motivational cuss words. Ooh, I like that. Yeah, get your fucking ass up. Right. And fucking suck it. I don't know who's most, I think he's fine.

Like, I like the snake oil salesman. Oh, no, thank you. He's the snake oil, but like, who's buying that? Like, who's like, Every 23-year-old kid. They really buy it. Fresh out of college, looking for hope.

I'd be that way. That's not not within me. Where did you go? Penn State. Oh, you did? Yeah, where did you go? Arizona State. See, I knew we would get along.

We're two idiots. You went to the West Coast at Penn State. You went to the East Coast at Arizona State You went to the east coast Arizona State Well we can call it what you want We're the one man This is why you didn't like me Because you went to Penn State Had I known you were from Boston and not Jersey

I would have immediately liked you more I thought you were a Jersey guy And I like Jersey No I love Jersey I just assumed you were a Jersey guy I get that a lot That's anti-Semitism. It is.

Yeah. I'm not going to hide it. You know when they go, I'll get, you look like you're from Long Island. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? You know what that means. I know exactly what it means. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, fucking bar mitzvah boy.

I can see it right in their eyes. Yeah. No, you know what it is? I just didn't know you were a Bostonian. But Boston is so- You love Boston. It's our sister city my it's our sister city it's chicago's it's chicago's troublemaker you know when you see a friend you haven't seen

in a long time and you get that look in there and you're like we're gonna get in some fucking trouble that's what boston is to chicago people i i think i totally agree whenever i play boston my entire chicago family comes out so we can spend a week there. Yeah, I have my uncles, my cousins. We all come out because they all love Boston. I love Chicago. So my brother now lives in Skokie. Okay, yeah, that's

out a little bit. It's out because he works for the Bears. Oh, what does your brother do? Oh, might have a hookup! Let me tell you something. Oh, I know you're big Hollywood. You got a lot of famous friends. I got a lot of hookups. Oh, I don't know. You want me to call Justin Fields right now?

Call him. I can't. I can't, dude. You can't wake those guys up. You can't wake those guys up at this time of day. That was a Hollywood off. He's in camp right now. What does he do for the Bears?

He's in camp right now. My brother. Your brother does what? What does he do? He works for the team. What does he do? He is, uh, he's the guy, so you're going to get mad the team. What does he do? He's the guy. So you're going to get mad at him.

Or you're going to be happy with him. I might be mad at him. He's the guy that helps facilitate whether they challenge or not. Whether they kick. Oh, you're talking about in game time. He's like a game manager type. He works with Iberflues very closely. Where did he come from?

I don't know what I'm allowed to say. You can say whatever you want. It's not a secret. It's not the CIA. No, no, no. But he was in Miami before. Yeah. He was helping Flo.

Was he a coordinator of some kind? Is that what they would call him? No, I don't know what they would even call him. It was like game ops, I think. Yeah, okay, right. But he's special teams is what you're saying, right? Nah, it was like game management. It's all like timeouts, kicking, when to kick, when to call a timeout,

down and distance, what are we going to do here? All situational stuff. Where did he play? So he didn't. My brother was sleeping on my couch. I was going to open mics and doing stand-up, and my brother was sleeping on my couch telling me he wants to be an NFL GM. No way.

And I remember we'd have these hilarious conversations. He'd be like You know out of college Trying to figure shit out Penn State too No Michigan So Love

So I love Ann Arbor Great school So he He goes to Michigan And he played lacrosse He was a lacrosse player He had the brains Ah

Michigan's not a dummy school Not a dummy school Not like Penn State and Arizona State No Penn State and Arizona State These are dumb guy schools Whenever someone takes Michigan you gotta be You gotta be at least a B plus student I agree Michigan's not a dummy school. Not a dummy school. Not like Penn State and Arizona State. No, Penn State and Arizona State. These are dumb guy schools. Michigan, you've got to be at least a B-plus student. I agree, and they've done a good job branding that, the Michigan man thing.

You think it might be just a little bit of a ruse? I think it's a little bit of a ruse. A dumb guy can get into Michigan. I think a dumb guy can get into Michigan, but I think they have good business school. They have good graduate programs. Right. And they have a law school. They have a really good law school.

So I think that, and they talk their own, they talk up their own. Because they're isolated. The Michigan man thing. You know, Penn State, when someone's proud of a Penn State degree, I'm like, okay, you're delusional. I'm like, no one's reading that. Unless you did pre-med Penn State, pre-med, and then you went somewhere else. Yeah, but who's doing that? Well, yeah, but if you do, then no one cares.

Right. No, but then somebody goes. Where'd you go to med school? Exactly. Yeah. Then somebody goes, oh, Penn State pre-med, but then I ended up, you know, over at Berkeley Med School. Right.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Yeah. I had that happen when I was, like, trying to work in New York, and, like, I was an econ major in college. So I'm, like, trying to go to New York. You know, like, oh, look at that. That was a you Jews face.

You keep saying it. You keep saying it. You keep just taking the words from my brain, throwing it out there. You met an agent that had the last name Friedman. I'm going to blow your mind and tell you that I'm Jewish. It's going to blow your mind. I would shit my pants right on the camera. So I. Your brother went to Michigan.

So he goes to Michigan and he's sleeping on my couch. He went to grad school, so he played lacrosse at St. John's. So he's a good lacrosse player. Yeah. And he's like sitting on my couch. He went to grad school, so he played lacrosse at St. John's. So he's a good lacrosse player. Yeah. And he's sitting on my couch. He's like, what if I became a janitor for the Dolphins and worked my way up? He was doing the Goodwill hunting scripts. Yeah.

And I'm like, dude. And there was a point, he was on my couch for a long time. And I came in the apartment one day. It was a small, they call it a junior one bedroom. This is Manhattan in Manhattan on the Upper East Side and I go dude Upper East Side by the way look at now he's making Jewish faces I can see it this guy doesn't stop with the anti-semitism you keep doing it you're in Hollywood you keep doing that's how I know you uh your own business you're off God bless you're on your own pirate ship God bless so Upper East Side he's living on the junior couch and then you say you gotta go there's too many dreams in this apartment

yeah that's right you gotta get out of here like i'm freaking out i got my own life i'm worried about yeah uh andrew santino won't have me on his podcast i'm right you know going crazy gotta rub those nickels together right till the dream comes true one day so he so then he goes on his way and like you know he really works so hard and he was like a you know he was a temp and at the nfl offices then he works his way over to miami somehow and then he's you know and then by way of whatever like it's his story is as crazy as any of ours like yeah you know like oh this 30 to, like, lead him to Brian Flores, who he's, like, really close with. But no on-field experience. Not a minute.

Not even high school football. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. No, he's captain of, like, the high school team. High school, but no college. He's an athlete. No college football, though. No college football.

So this is why the Bears are bad. No, he was brought in. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. I got to defend this season. No, no, no. We are going to be better this year without a doubt. Absolutely, no. I catch a lot of shit, and I've talked about it,

but I catch a lot of shit because I have a couple of friends that play for another team, and I support the other team. And so I get a lot of heat. The Chiefs. And I get a lot of heat. The Chiefs. And I get a lot of heat from fans. That's an AFCNC. Chicago guys get so mad. They're like, I thought you were a fucking Bears fan.

It's like, let me tell you something. First of all, I am a diehard Chicago fan. I will be until I'm dead. But I've lived here for fucking 16 years. At some point, you become a fan of sport well instead of like you're like i just want to watch what i can watch this is how people talk when they move away and they you don't have a choice and when they do bigger things than stay at home you know these are your home friends that like and you get again this is where the chicago boston thing is like very alike where it's like

you moved away you got other things going on. Like, every day when you're in Chicago, the news is... Chicago sports. Chicago sports. Boston, same way. It's like a college. It's like being at ASU. Yeah.

It's like being at Penn State. So, like, I understand that, where they're, like, in it. And, like, you know, you go to, like, you've done shows in Buffalo. Like, I went and did a show in Buffalo. They're like, you're not a Buffalo Bills fan and you're like yeah people live other places on this earth

you know that right you guys could also leave whenever you want right and they don't know that so it's like hovering over them it's the whole environment

they're in the Truman show up there yeah they're stuck and I actually envy that a little bit it's like fun it's beautiful but we lost that

boyhood wonder well because we travel so much we live like nomads I'm home this year I think I've equated it's August now I think I've been home no joke

I think we did the math and it was just maybe two months of this entire year day wise like an accumulation of days at home I'm not far away from you. We're not there. It's just like we're not... That's why when people are like, are you staying in LA? Are you in New York?

I kind of am going to as many things as I can. I'm just figuring it all out because I've met at home so little now that I'm like, I don't know. What's home now? So that's why we can be disconnected with stuff. It's tough. Also, you get to know the players. You go, i know these two guys i know yeah they're buddies and they're buddies now well and it's like how am i gonna like i that's skin in the gate like when i

see a challenge for the bears i'm like out of my chair screaming it's fit that's family yeah it's like i'm like because i'm a patriots fan but i'm like done like my i'm i'm a Patriots fan, but I'm, like, done. Like, I'm a fan of the era. You're retired. I'm out. I'm a fan of the era. Like, I'm a Brady fan. When Brady goes to Tampa, you go, oh, what am I doing here? Like, you know, I love Tom Brady. Well, you can't follow him now. I can't follow him now.

Like, I don't know. Like, you had the moment. I don't know. I'm, like, a fan of, like, a very specific. And then someone would be like, oh, fair weather fan because like the, you know, the era, but it was such a fun era. It was such a,

you know, now it's like a little bit, I still watch. You're also, how old are you now? 38. 38, right.

You're 38. 30, and I'll be 40 soon. 40? Yeah. I know. Yeah, your,

your special is called 38. 37 and single. 37 and single. We might have to change it. Well, it's coming out when I, you know, it's a snapshot of my life at December 2022. Well, but still, man, we gotta change it. Oh, we gotta change it? Yeah, we have to.

It's out right now, by the way. For people that are watching, if you want to watch something on Netflix, if you want to actually laugh and you don't want to watch these trash specials, Jared said, tell them to not watch the garbage shit like Norman or Segura. Those guys, he hates those guys. They're horrible. You want to watch somebody really rip it. 37 and single. 37 and single.

37 and single is out on Netflix right now. Right now. Go watch it. Yeah, I love yours. Thank you. I watched. Loved it. You taped in Boston. I taped in Denver. Denver? Yeah. Looked a. You taped in Boston. I taped in Denver. Denver? Yeah. Looked a lot like the Wilbur.

But I love Boston, and I play the Wilbur every time I go there. It did have a... It actually does kind of feel like... The Paramount Theater is where I shot it in Denver. Timmy Dillon did the same thing, except different crew set it up. So it actually looks like a different stage completely. Which I think is so funny. so funny is you can transform any stage to look like where, I mean, nowadays

Set design. Nobody knows. No one would even know. I could have lied and been like, we're in Denver. We could have been here. You could have been in this room. I know. Where did you shoot this? The Gramercy Theater in New York. Oh, I love the Gramercy Theater. New York City. Two shows. I made it.

Did the whole I paid for it thing. Yeah, you did it yourself. Did it myself and then went out to all the players and Netflix came back, you know, after a while. And I'm like, you know, I don't know. I was like kind of surprised. I've had nothing out there. Like I did one Tonight Show once, but I've never had like,

you know, some people, you know, I was talking to Norman. He's like, I had to do the half hour. I had to do a YouTube special. I had to do so much. Yeah, I had to do all, you know, some people, you know, I was talking to Norman. He's like, I had to do the half hour. I had to do a YouTube special. I had to do so much. Yeah. I had to do all, you know, a comedy, you know, like, and then you go, I'm like sitting there being like, why won't someone buy the special? And then they buy it.

I'm immediately like, what the fuck are they doing? Why did they buy the special? You go immediately change. So I'm excited for it. It hasn't come out yet, but I'm like, I know I did it on the road for, you know, a year and a half. Good. It's like, again, if you're out there and single and you're frustrated with being single,

it doesn't matter how old you are, you're going to like it. You're still single? I'm still single. I'm still out there. Fishing, huh? What do you want? What do you want? I want to get married.

You want to get married? Oh, yeah. you know what do you want i want to i want to get married like i want to get married oh yeah i i you know i like i i have moments where i see comedians who are doing it and and i go i like i can see the lifestyle like i you know i'm from the suburbs you know like i i you know my i love my family i like hanging out with them i like our dynamic i mean that's part of it too like you got uh nieces nephews that no my brother's engaged so like what is his age he's 34 he's a little bit

okay so he's four years younger and he's engaged and she's great have your parents done that thing where they make you're like when are you gonna

my parents are like they don't care they like hanging like we hang you know like we go on vacation with them and stuff and like

you know they care but they don't care you know like they don't care. You know, like they don't care, but they care. You know, it's like one of those things. Yeah, they like it to happen, but it doesn't, it doesn't, it's not gonna. Right, but also don't ruin the party. Don't bring in someone that we're like not. And that's the problem.

Well, at this age, I don't think that's gonna happen. You're too old to bring in someone that's gonna ruin the vibe. Because now you're looking at, let's be honest. Right. You're looking at women that may have already had a marriage may have a kid i think that's like my i i think already married no kid is probably like a good wheelhouse already married no kid yeah what about already married with a kid you don't want to be a stepdad i don't know if that you could be a good stepdad i i'm sure i

would i i like the way you walked in i thought that could be a stepdad. Totally. Yeah, your gait is stepdaddy. Yeah, I got a stepdad. You're happy, you're jovial. Right. Upbeat. Yeah, like I'm like, let's have some whiskey at 7.30 in the morning. That's exactly right. Yeah, that's a stepdad.

The conversation we had was very stepdad. Like you go, I don't know, I'm 50-50 on whiskey. And I go, if I got excited, would you be in? You're like, I could. And I go, let's fucking do it. Well, then fire it up. Yeah, now we're in. So it's got to be a woman. And let's put it out there right now there's basically a dating

show at this point let's put it out there let's get you let's get you loving no this is the this is not a good way to meet people blonde brunette i like i mean jewish this is the other thing like you know i'm uh yuck yeah i knew it i knew it i knew it i'm just fishing the antisemitism all right so look you're gonna be stuck in this apartment building forever. So, Brunette? ABC's done. I'm telling little Dickie. No, please, Dave, no. So, what? So, a Brunette, 5'4".

Sure. It's going to be. You have no choice. There's not how many, you know, you've got a couple of tall Jewish women. No, no, no, no. So, Brunette, 5'2"- 5'4, that's your goal, right? Sure, yeah. She was already married. Already married.

She got married young, didn't she? Married young. It didn't work out. He was an asshole. I need the bloom to be off the rose. You know, like, I think, like, the best, like, I always, like, I love the bachelor bachelorette. I was like. I know I see this online.

You post a lot about it. A lot about it. You post a lot about it. People, about it. You post a lot about it. A piece of me thinks you might be involved in it. No. You know when you see something and you go, is this guy getting slid something?

People come to shows from it. Because you like it more than I think you would. Right. Which makes me go, is he getting slid a couple of bucks? Why are you so invested? I just, I, because I, you know, just like podcasts and stuff, like, I was like, oh, this is like my own show.

But you genuinely enjoy it. I love reality TV. So that's the difference that I'm saying, is like, some people watch it, they go, ah, fuck it, I'll watch it once in a while. Like Spade, he does a version of it, we've like messaged a little bit about it. Right. And he, him and I both like, he'll like look at, when I started yelling at the TV while I watch it, people are like, oh, David Spade does a thing,

but he doesn't, like, need to do it. You know, so he does, like, two slides, and then he probably, like, goes and, you know. He doesn't need to do anything. Falls into a bed of money, you know? Like, so I just, like, and I've tried to, like, you know, message him to be, like. And he doesn't respond?

He's responded a couple times. He's been nice. But was it nice, or was it, like. And he doesn't respond? He's responded a couple times. He's been nice. But was it nice or was it like a very quick throw away? I mean, response at all to me. See, that's a nice way to think about it. Right. But I'm calling him out. Go ahead.

Spade, give yourself away a little bit. You know what I mean? Open up a little bit, kiddo. He's so closed off, this guy. Is he? Real quick responses. No, he's great. Spade no he's great Spady's great he's one of those people

that like you know I'm not an LA person like I come here when I come here and I get like drunk in the back of the store and I don't even like go on

like I just like watch and like fly on the wall type shit and he when I saw him go on stage I was like holy fuck like this guy's the man

well it's funny we have the same response when we go to New York there's guys there that I just love to go see right that obviously locals are see all the time anyway but it feels the same for us we just have more like you know hollywood guys that are cool to see like a like a spade he's cool to see or like you know if like a i'm trying to think of like who drops in that people I mean you know but even his jokes

I was like oh he's naturally just like funny like I was like you just don't know what to expect you know like you see like I had that with like you know those famous people you're not like sure if they're like just getting up because they're famous or if they're actually like funny

well that's kind of been sifted out a little bit a little bit of the like uh fame panic go to stand up thing i think has slowly faded away a lot of guys don't do well i think there was a gold rush for like famous people to try to do stand up and then i think now now it's tiktokers yeah well yeah fuck you i mean oh my god that's that's making the most probably more money than everybody we know. Yeah. But they're captivating an audience that wasn't going to be fans of you or me anyway. That's kind of how I feel.

Right. If you're exclusively making it on TikTok, good for you. I don't fucking, whatever. Grab the fans you can grab. Right. You're grabbing Bachelor fans and turning them into hardcore comedy fans. Well, this is the Kardashian thing. Yeah. How do we take people from one thing to another

that leads them to, like, what I love doing? And you love to watch the show. Do you watch it with somebody? Just on my own. It's the saddest thing in the world. It really is making me sad. It's me in my apartment, a studio apartment, yelling at the TV.

Were studios still on the Upper East Side? No, I'm down in West Village now. Yeah, things are doing well. Someone, that Netflix deal came through. So you're in the West Village now. Yeah, things are doing well. Someone, that Netflix deal came through. So you're in the West Village now. Yeah, and I yell at the TV and then I'm like redoing lines, but I do it live with the show.

Right. So it's the live scream. So I yell at the TV and it's really, what I like is that it'll be like, because the people that like me are generally women. So I have like 86% women

is like my following. 86? Yeah, because I've been doing dating advice for all these years. But don't you find that ironic you're given dating advice, but you're not really laced up? Bill Belichick never played in the NFL. He's the best coach of all time. But he played college football.

Not like my brother. That's right. One more step. That's all it takes. Well, you know what it is? I talk about my life, and what ends up happening is I'm saying, if I'm thinking this, I'm probably 10% away from the guy that you're dealing with. So with dating stuff, it's like, here's what's going on.

Like, I got a question earlier. She's like, and what ends up happening is, like, it's not as extreme as people. You know, dating advice on TikTok online is all extreme. Like, you better go get up happening is like, it's not as extreme as people, you know, dating advice on Tik TOK online is all extreme. Like you better go get your man. Yes. Queen. Yeah. And it's like, mine's always just been like very diet and exercise, you know, like very

boring, you know, like, and I go like today I got a question. The girl was like, I broke up with this guy. We broke up and he hasn't watched my stories in two months. What's the deal? And I'm like, think of it from his side. Like, he's not a monster. He's not calculated. How old are these women that ask you this kind of stuff?

The average age is like 27 to 40. It's like in that, like 27, 35. They're single. They want to find a relationship. They're trying to figure out. These are successful women, too. My shows are like, it's like 10 women sitting at a table that are all doing great jobs, doing really well, being like, how is this dating thing not fucking working out? women too like they're like when i my shows are like it's like 10 women sitting at a table that

are all like doing great jobs doing really well being like how is this dating thing not fucking working out or it's working out for one of them or five of them and then there's like a few single women that listen to the podcast or they just enjoy the bachelor's because you know why i think it's from an outside perspective why i see it from my friends like a lot of my good friends that are single i think it's dating used to be in and out, the in and out burger. It used to be the menu. It's a burger with cheese, burger without fries.

Sure. That's it. So now it's fucking Cheesecake Factory, and there are way too many options, and it changes all the time, and they're allowed to slip and slide into new versions of the menu and it's like there's no rules everyone's uh nine binary ever like and i'm not saying that like an old man like

i'm not like a dad i'm saying it's too much everything there's too you're giving too much there's so many options and there's so much freedom and there's no there's no barriers which is a positive thing for the growth of society. Let people do whatever they want, be whatever they want. Fine. But from an outside perspective, from an ignorant outside perspective, it looks the way I feel when I see them. It looks the way I feel when I go to a place and they're like, we have everything you want.

And you're like, well, I don't want fucking any of it. Right. I just want either a cheeseburger. Just give me something simple. What the fuck? To agree with you, let me direct you towards what I agree with take me

there's so much that you form these opinions that you get stuck in so like I talk about the first ten minutes of the special is just like me being frustrated

but knowing I'm the problem you and I are the Google generation we look at the menu before we go so it's great that you bring up Cheesecake Factory yeah I want to see it you want to see the menu you we go. So it's great that you bring up Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, I want to see it. You want to see the menu. You want to make sure that everything is comfy, cozy. I'm not walking

into a party unless I know who's going to be there. Yeah, and who's not going to be there. Right. Because that'll make me go even more. Mark's not going, I'm fucking going. That guy pisses me off. I don't know what it was. That happens with dating because then you get on the dating apps especially. to push the stores,

dating apps. You're looking at a profile and you're going fucking Jersey city. Yeah. I'm not going to Jersey city. You know, that's me going to Santa Monica. And this is a perfectly good person. Right.

You know, you're going, and if you met him in a bar, you'd go, you'd have a vibe and you go, wow, this person and I, and there's no one else there. There's no swipe to get to the next person. Right. You're in a bar and you'd go wow this person and I and there's no one else there

there's no swipe to get to the next person right you're in a bar and you're going you know what this person's awesome and they go

I'm from Jersey City and you go I can do Jersey City you know cause you're there cause you're there and you feel them right

so you know and what happens is you and I are social guys yeah I wanna be out you wanna be out I like talking to the people here's the thing. These apps were created by male nerds.

They don't want to go out. So we're now reverting towards nerdom. Right. You know, and it's like, you know, but again, the crutch is there. Like, I don't want to get turned down. You know what the best way to not get turned down is? Going to dating apps.

You never get told no. Yeah, you just keep moving. Swipe left, no. Swipe right, where's the match? Ah, I guess they haven't seen me yet. Well, then how about putting it away and just going out? But the crutch is there. Again, like the phone.

You ever go to a bar alone? You want a lone bar guy? I love a lone bar. Yeah, I do it all the time. What do you do? You take out your phone. No. Never? No. How do you not take out your phone when you go out? Because I don't even need to be, I don't know what I'm on it for. I don't know what I'm on it for. I don't know what I'm on it for. But if you're at a bar alone and you're swiping through an app, a dating app. It's crazy.

You're at a bar at a bar. Right. You're going to another bar while at a bar when you swipe on a dating app at a bar. It's sad. But a drink in a bar. And listen, we're all guilty of it. When you're married, your married friends are like, it's so easy. You know, this is, I mean, this is in the special. If you're connecting with this conversation, this is like what it's so easy, you know, this is, I mean,

this is in the special, if you're connecting with this conversation, this is like what it's all about in the first like 15 minutes. It's like, if you're, you're single, you're married friends

and I'm at that age where you would be the age of my married friends. Yeah. And it's so, they're like, it's simple. You know,

like they're like, and they're like, well, I want to play with your Tinder. I want to play with your hinge. You know, and they go, well, it's stupid. She's cute. Go. And you're like, yeah, but I to play with your Tinder. I want to play with your Hinge. And they go, well, it's stupid. Just go.

And you're like, yeah, but I don't want to go. I'm fucking frustrated. I see this all the time with friends that are like, say something funny, and then I'll respond for a buddy, give it back. And he's like, oh, this is great. And then they engage, and I'm like, well, why don't you keep going? And they're like, nah, fuck it. Right.

And you go, I can go sit home, masturbate, and fucking sit on my couch. Too easy. And you go, well, and then your married friends are all like, if I was out there, I'd be out there fucking. No, I mean, I don't think that. No, you wouldn't. I don't think if I was out there out there, but I do think everyone knows what you're saying at this point, particularly in your age range. So delete the fucking app. Well, that's the thing.

Just do it. I'm, like, off of them. But delete them all. Do it. I dare you to fucking delete all of them. I mean, they're deleted. And try it. No, I. Oh, they're gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm like off of them um but delete them all do it i dare you to fucking delete all of them and try it no i i oh they're gone yeah yeah i mean i'm like are they on your phone right now i i got one but i delete it right now delete it live on the show in here we pour whiskey hey if you ever search your name on a search engine uh you know you'd be shocked at how much

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Enjoy. Ginger. I like gingers. On the show. Delete the fucking app and do the thing that you really want to do. And then how about this? We just met. You don't like Jews. And a young Jewish woman that's listening right now, see him delete this app.

Know that he's a good man. Know that he's definitely not going out to Jersey City. Although you are downtown. You're fine. I mean, you're pretty easy. Again, such a married guy thing to say. Well, you're not on the Upper East Side anymore. Single people go, I'm not leaving Manhattan.

I am not. That's crazy. Right? I'm not saying I'm not the problem. Yeah, you are the problem. That's bad. It's bad. What if the love of your life is in Long Island?

And by the way, she is. I mean, I don't know how to tell you, but she is. She's out there right now. Pretty high percentage. Yeah, very high. She's sitting there having a schmear. She's there now. Yeah.

But what are you going to do? You can't be the guy that does the thing that's like, it's got to come to me. The fish have to come to me. No, you're right. No, no, no, no. Listen, I am someone who goes on dates. I go on the first date. I do the thing that's like, it's got to come to me. The fish have to come to me. No, you're right. No, no, no, no. Listen, I am someone who goes on dates. I go on the first date.

I do the thing. Get the drinks. I'm not the... I'm definitely not the person like... Do you make them pay? You make them do half on the first one? They better pay for me. Treat me like a lady.

That's what I was just going to say. No, I... I'm a payer. You pay every time. Oh, absolutely. See, if I was single now, I would 100% be like, you do this one. No, you would not.

Yeah, I would. Because I'd have nothing to lose. Your penis wouldn't let you. If I'd have nothing to lose. If I've already gotten out of a marriage, if I've already done this thing, I'm going to go, I don't give a fuck about this. You pay. And you know what? I'm going to make them pay.

You're too much of a guy. You're from Chicago. You're going to let the woman pay? Yeah, dude. Make these ladies pay up. It's funny. I was coming back. Because I paid for everything now.

I was with someone, and she and I were stuck. We have no way home, okay? Flights canceled, train. Where are you stuck? Can you say where you're stuck? Hyannis. We're in Hyannis, Massachusetts, a long time ago. And she's like

Let's get a U-Haul Get a U-Haul? Yeah Because there's no rental Oh right To drive to New York And I go Smart actually

I go It's a great idea And I was like And she drives I haven't driven in Five years You don't know how to drive? I know how to drive

Do you have a license? Yeah of course But you haven't had a car in forever It's been forever I'm in New York City Whatever Yeah what do you need it for? And then she's like Well I to drive? I know how to drive. Do you have a license? Yeah, of course. But you haven't had a car in forever. It's been forever. I'm in New York City, whatever. Yeah, what do you need it for? And then she was like, well, I'll drive. And I had to look at her and go, this is what I'm talking about with the paying for the date.

I go, I know this is not right. This is irrational. You drive every day. You have a license. You have a car. I'm driving. I want to crash this U-Haul. I will crash yeah i'm

not hot if it crashed my dad would be like where the fuck were you i was on i was on instagram in the passenger seat i was scrolling right i said to her i go i i i i go this isn't right or i just need to be a man right now and i go i, I don't care. What the fuck? What did she say? She was cool with it? Totally wet. Soaking. She's like, oh my god. You drive me, I'll have my legs up the whole time. Right. That was her response. I've never been wetter. I have

to change my pants in the back of this U-Haul. Did you guys hook up in the back of the U-Haul? No. You know, it's so funny. Guys are amazing. Get a blanket. Every guy I've told that story to. Fuck in the U-Haul. Especially because she was turned on by the idea of you kind of taking over. That came out later. I'm joking. I loved it.

She was like, that's kind of hot that you took over. She said that to me. And then I would have said those boxing blankets back there that they include. They include those boxing blankets. I know what they are. I've laid on them, not as uncomfortable as they look. You see, every guy probably assumes you might hook up in the back,

not because it's like a gross fantasy, who's this random woman. This is a girl you're dating. This would have been a hot moment in time. It would have been hot. This is like pull over on the side of the road and hook up type of shit with someone. See, now I'm less of a man than I thought I was. I'm sitting here being like, what the fuck is wrong with me? One time my girlfriend picked me up from the airport,

and I said, you know, we never do like a random hookup. Roadhead? I was alluding to it a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what else could you be alluding to? Well, I mean, we never like fuck in weird place one random at night, you know? You guys have kids? No, no kids.

Do you want kids? Sure. You want to help? Sure. You want to help? Yeah. Come on over, man. Coach me.

Cheer me on. Dude, I'll be in the back. No, we've tried. We've tried. We're also older now, so it's a little bit harder. It's a little bit slower. Kind of. Yeah, kind of.

You're doing, uh... Anal half the time and regular the other half. I like that. So, 50-50 shot. Yeah. You got to make sure you do all the holes. This was years and years ago, but we pulled over on the side of the road at Kenneth... Kenneth.

Kenneth. 30 Rocks Kenneth? Yeah, Kenneth Hahn. Is that what it's called? It's a rec park. It's like a rec park down by the airport. And we fucked on the side of the road. And it was one of the hottest moments in our relationship.

How quick? No, we went ham. It was great because it was dark. It was at night. Oh, so it was like a little bit dark. It was at night. Yeah, she picked me up at the airport like 11 o'clock at night. I was coming back from like an East Coast run.

And I remember being like, I'm awake. Like, I'm fucking buzzing. I'm ready to go. So also, after a flight, you're a little horny. Yeah, very horny after a flight. Yeah, after a flight, I whack awake. Like, I'm fucking buzzing. I'm ready to go. Also, after a flight, you're a little horny. Yeah, very horny after a flight. Yeah, after a flight, I whack it. I go hat trick. Right away, huh?

When I get home, Wayne Gretzky. No way. Now, how did you, the positioning? Backseat. So you go in the back, what type of car? Hyundai Sonata at the time. Hyundai Sonata. That's what I was driving back in the day.

You gotta tell people a different car when you tell this. No, no, no, no. I was a young man. And dude, I'm a man of the people. What do you want me to say? Ferrari?

What the fuck? What do you want me to fake it? You go from Sonata to a Ferrari? Give me something. Land Rover. Some of us do go to Sonata to Ferrari, baby. See you guys on the road.

No, we were in a Hyundai Sonata, baby. And you know what The humility It was as funny as your I hate juice face This is my I hate juice face I saw it How much is it? Hyundai Sonata man That was my first car in LA

A Hyundai Sonata The car thing here is wild to me The leveling of people I know but like the way you get Phylumed by your car Really? Yeah, honey. That's the only thing I can afford. The car thing here is wild to me. Well, we need them. The leveling of people. I know, but the way you get phylumed by your car. I had a bunch of buddies move out here right after college. We had a group of our buddies that were out in Long Beach. That's where I first moved out.

In Manhattan Beach? No, Manhattan Beach along two different places. They were in Manhattan Beach. That's where they all lived. Okay. I was like, this is how you live. Like, this is saved by the Belchick. Well, that's fancy down there, yeah. Fancy, but they were all very, like, what car we, like, the car thing was a thing.

Well, here's the deal. I understand. I'm a car guy, so I'm kind of the wrong audience because I am a car guy. Big, big, big car guy. Do you have, what are you sharing a garage with Jay Leno? What's going on? We don't share it. It's his, but I do park there. a couple of cars no no he but no I I'm a big car

guy but I've always loved cars since I was a kid and uh out here you're the most Illinois person I've ever met in my entire life yeah Chicago this is like Chicago we love cars my father worked in the automotive world too so it was just kind of like... What did he do? He worked, well, he did multiple jobs, but he worked for the longest time as my stepdad. Okay. He worked for the longest time, worked for Turtle Wax. And we've talked bad about Turtle Wax on this show. Don't buy Turtle Wax. They're trash.

Throw it down the toilet. They fired my dad after like 30-some-odd years. Really? Yeah, loyal employment. Yeah, they were bad. They sold the company. The kids took it over. This is what happens when kids take over the thing.

They fuck it all up. That's right. Well, they say first generation, it's like 75% chance of going out. Yeah. And after that? After that, it's like 50-50. Yeah, it drops way off. The percentages are crazy.

Well, you give it to ungrateful kids. They don't know what they've done. They didn't build the thing. Right. Too much confidence. On third, thought they had a triple. 100%. That's not a good recipe for running a company

100% But he worked for Turtle Wax for a long time And then worked for another company that did Basically automotive manuals On how to physically build and fix cars So he was in the car Salesman? Sales, yeah

He was always in that world And everybody around him was like Shell guys, Pennzoil guys Everyone he knew was car guys. My dad was never really a car guy. I mean, he liked them, but not the way I was in love with them.

I mean, I had a photo class. I took a photography class freshman year. You had to take like an alternative. Um, I don't even know what it was called. It was like an alternative class of like, you know,

creative art class, creative art sciences or something like that and i took photography i had no interest in it whatsoever but i thought it'll get me out of school i'll be able to go get stone and take photos and i used to take choir choir that was your shit that was my thing can you sing i can sing um i i sang hit something real real real smooth for me real fast i'm off right now now. I mean, this whiskey might help. Like, hold on. I was in the honors choir. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

But I took it. Your brother, lacrosse, you choir. I played football in high school. It's alright. Don't get defensive about it, dude. You're a choir boy. It's fine. Get me another whiskey and I'll really have it out right in this fucking floor. I'll show you what kind of choir boy I am.

Get in that fucking stance. Three points? Yeah, get down. Get down. Oh, wow. That was good, right? That was not bad. I'm a one-note guy. When I do cameos, you do cameos, you're making money on there?

I kind of fall in love, but I sing Happy Birthday at the end of them and I really go for it. Now, do you make real money on them? I kind of fallen out but I sing happy birthday at the end of them and I really go for it. Now do you make real money on cameos? Happy birthday Don't give it away for free. No, but I'm do you hear that note?

No, no, no. You're not going hard enough. Too cartoonish. Happy birthday See how strong that note is? It sounds like Marilyn Monroe. A little bit. Happy birthday

Happy birthday Are you making real money doing the cameo thing? Not really. It was for a time it was fun that notice it sounds like Marilyn Monroe a little bit happy birth happy birth were you making real money doing the cameo thing not really it was for a time it was fun to do

and then it became what do you charge like a hundred bucks I think it's pretty good well it's economics there was a point

where I was like ten bucks I have no confidence and then I'm like I'm gonna do fifty of these because when you miss them

you feel like you're burning money it does feel like you're burning money. It does feel like you're lighting money on fire. I get my Jewish mom on my corner. That's what the voice in my head is like, you don't need $10? And then I'm like, fuck. And you do. I need the $10.

But not anymore, you don't. Yeah, I do. You're doing well enough. You're fine. Things are okay, but that's why I'm here. You want people to watch the special to come see you more? Yeah. That's the whole point of this.

I got to move up. I got a whole new hour. What? Have you done theaters yet? Some places. You know, Wilbur. Yeah, Wilbur's a great theater. Yeah, but that's like a hometown.

Chicago, I did a music place. In Chicago? Yeah. Where they did the Bears Shuffle. It's in a weird neighborhood. It was a fun room. In Chicago? Yeah. Where they did the Bears Shuffle. It's in a weird neighborhood. It was a fun room. The Vic? I've done the Vic for my podcast. Wait, you did, you're talking...

It was a music place more than it was a stand-up place. Did you do... What do you mean it was a weird neighborhood? It wasn't a neighborhood I was familiar with. It wasn't like a Was it in Pilsen? Do you know what Pilsen is?

No, no, no, it was Chicago It was like Well, Pilsen's Chicago No, it's Chicago That's south side of Chicago Was it a tough neighborhood? No, I just They told me that that's where they taped

The Super Bowl shuffle God, I have to look it up Well, I don't have a choice I mean, I did like One time I did a whole week at Zany's and I did 14 shows. Downtown or the suburbs? The downtown one. It's phenomenal.

I loved it. I had such a fun time. I did theme nights where it was different jokes, different themes. Park West. Park West. Park West. Wow, that's great. So it was a little weird.

I liked that room, but it wasn't a comedy room. It was more of a music space. Yeah, I get that. But I like music. I used to love music spaces. When I first started doing small theaters, I loved like, you know, I like St. Andrew's Hall out in Detroit. That's a music venue. I mean, sometimes I love

music venues just because I don't know, the grittiness of it, a little dirty. I also, what I like about them is the people who work there. They're pumped to see comedy too Yeah, because they've seen so much They've seen bands come through with crazy demands

There's five guys in the band, they've got seven groupies Or four people with them And comics come in, it's like you and a mic And they're like, this is the easiest shit on earth They can't believe it What's on your rider? Have you talked about this here? No, I've never talked about it

My rider is A Jewish woman What's on your rider? Have you talked about this here? No, I've never talked about it. My rider is a Jewish woman with an eating disorder. Oh. Mine's absolute citron. Absolute citron. The vodka. Yeah. A bottle of absolute citron.

This is embarrassing. We need to get that off of there. I love a flavored vodka. Absolute citron? On the rocks with a lime. Rocks coffee think bars protein bars yeah you are like a yeah you are like a divorced woman that's me you're a you're a divorced woman who has got a couple of kids and she's trying to just stay in shape and make it happen call me theresa but why theresa why vodka because you don't like the flavor of vodka it's dog shit shit. No, the absolute citron, I love the flavor.

It's chemical vodka. Citron doesn't taste like a nice, effervescent fruit. It's chemicals inside of chemicals. It slows me down. What are you afraid of? You don't like the brown stuff? I stay away. I mean, I like it here. I like the way we're having it. Yeah. You don't want to drink it at night to have drinks. I love a dirty martini.

Same. I do too. Where do you drink? Are you a gin martini? No, no, no. Gin, I can't. I never got in. You don't like the flavoring. It's like trees.

Beautiful trees. The things that give us life. I mean, this to me is the best stuff. I think I think whiskey is whiskey to me is like the perfect booze to me

did you do have you gone to the homeland have you done oh yeah I went and did shows in Dublin yeah

we were just in Ireland not too long ago yeah I love love love Ireland I loved it people were so nice it felt like Boston I mean like

the amount of feels like Boston yeah the level it felt like Boston. The level of how many alcoholics are there. So many. Except they don't beat their wives in Ireland like you guys do in Boston. That's a Boston thing. How are you going to come after me like this? First the Jews, now my hometown.

The way that Boston has domestic violence is its own Give me some numbers here. 28% of marriages end in domestic violence. This guy took an improv class. Domestic violence is its own pinnacle. It's its own pinnacle. Give me some numbers here. 28%. 28% of people. Yeah, 28% of marriages end in domestic violence. This guy took an improv class. He's so quick with the numbers.

It's crazy. 28%, man. It is a high number. It's sad. No, Ireland. I went to Ireland. I toured around. I played golf.

I didn't play golf over there. I was with my wife. Aren't you a golfer? I'm a big golfer, yeah. Look around, baby. No, I'm a huge golfer. I just didn't play golf because I was with my wife. I couldn't be like, hey, I'll be back.

I'll be right back. But isn't that like a... So I play golf because Des Bishop, a comedian who's huge over there, got me in his club. Oh, that's great. And I went and played alone with a caddy that was his buddy's younger brother. Yeah. And it was like... But every group was like guy group bucket list.

Well that's what you do. You go with guys. Right. I've done guy trips. That's what I like. I couldn't go over there and play alone or I definitely couldn't go with my wife. I would have to go with. Like when I was living in Australia I played a lot by myself. I was there shooting a movie for two and a half months. I played. Every day off I

went to play by myself. Shooting a movie for two and a half months. Yeah. Two months and some. Yeah about two months and some change. So you play every day off I went to play by myself. Shooting a movie for two and a half months. Yeah, two months and some, yeah, about two months and some change. So you play every day? No, I mean, we shot all the time. On my days off, if I had one day off, I was up at 6 a.m. and I would, you know, I would call, I would call, I had someone I know call for me. This guy's living large. Well.

You guys don't understand. No, no, no, it's not like that. He's in a Ferrari. I saw it out front. This guy's living large. You guys don't understand. No, no, no. It's not like that. He's in a Ferrari. I saw it out front. It's crazy. The Sonata's no more. Speaking of Ferrari, hey, man, do you want to sponsor me?

No, I would have a friend call who has connections who was like, he can call private clubs and go, hey, I've got a guy that's in town. Missionary in the back of the car? Not missionary. No chance. No, no, no. got a guy that's in town. Missionary in the back of the car? Not missionary. No chance. No, no, no. It was doggy style to start. And then it went, you know, legs over the head.

And then it went her on top. Yours or hers? Both. Okay. Yeah. You've never seen the both? You've never seen that? The double Y?

That's bumping uglies. That's when it's actually coming from. That's where it's called bumping uglies. And then... Asshole to asshole. Asshole to asshole. Asshole to asshole. And then I toured around and then played golf on the days I had down, and that was the most peaceful golf I've ever played.

I got paired up with good people, met some cool people. The weather was beautiful. Australia, man. What do you mean Australia? I've never been. But the boys trips I do think I want to do more of. I did one with a few people. We went to a place called Bandon Dunes.

For golf guys, it's... See, I don't know. I'm new. I'm trying to learn. Oh, yeah. My parents live in Boca on a golf course. Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

Come on, man. I know. The O really was real facetious. Oh, your parents live in Boca? It is somewhat punchline-ish at this point. It's hard to tell people because I love it so much. It's great down there. Unbelievable. No, it's great down there. I in Boca. It is somewhat punchline-ish at this point. It's hard to tell people because I love it so much. It's great down there. Unbelievable.

No, it's great down there. I love Boca. I love Del Rey. Yeah. Great drinking town. These are great. I feel like I can't wait to see you when you're retired. I'm excited to see what it looks like.

I'm closer to retirement. At this point, like, I go down there and I'm immediately in. Yeah, you're done. Love it. Love every second of it. Would you move to Florida? I think you lose a lot of drive. But you go there when you're ready to slow down.

Well, when you slow down, but like, you know. I think you put it in low gear when you go to Florida and it's nice. It's great. Listen, I love every second of it, but when I leave, I go, I want to come back. Well, yeah, you're still young and vibrant. You still have so much thing. You have still so many things to do. But I see Florida scares me because I have this romantic relationship with her.

I lost my virginity there. That's where Chicago kids vacation. Yeah, you go to the West Coast. You don't want to be around the Jews. That's right. Because it's the Gulf. It's the islands. It's the Gulf.

And you don't want to be around the fucking Jews. We got Gulf, too. This is West Coast, Florida, East Coast of Florida. I love West Coast, Florida. Yeah, I can't. I go to West Coast, I feel out of place. And we don't want you there, buddy. Right?

It's a lot of that. It's a lot of that. Naples. The reason it scares me is because I know I love drinking, and it is an alcoholic's paradise. Oh, my God. Florida is everything you've ever wanted. The drinks they serve you, it's like everywhere is a Cheesecake Factory.

That's right. Everywhere is just like a... Two for one. Everything's a hillstone. Yeah. It's just like everything's a big fucking martini. You want a yard? You want a yard of beer?

Yeah, I guess. It's true. Everything feels like it's built for an alcoholic to kind of say goodnight. Absolutely. Like, if you had. The roads are wide. They're so big. You can't crash. It's impossible to take a turn too fast.

Dude, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad doesn't drink, but he drives home and I'm like... Is he sober? He just had a heart attack and he's like, I'm out. Yeah. Wait, really? 40.

Had a heart attack at 40? Yeah. What kind of lifestyle was he living? Not, you know, I Wait, really? 40. Had a heart attack at 40? Yeah. What kind of lifestyle was he living? Not, you know, I mean, like, we eat, we drink, we, you know, like, as a family.

Sure. I think he just, you know, it wasn't, Is he a big guy? Nah, he's like me. We're thick, you know, like, thick barrel chested guys.

You know what it is? It's going to the doctor more than it is. Yeah. That's the thing. We don't go, you know, the thing. We don't go... The doctor... I don't have a general... I don't have a GP or whatever. I do not have a...

I don't have a doctor. I'm sure your wife has a team of 10. 12, I think. Yeah, women will know every name of every doctor, have a relationship. They don't have a choice, man. They have way more things to do. Right. I'm not saying that they shouldn't. I'm saying we should. I guess we should. You're turning 40.

You should know who your doctor is. You shouldn't go to an alley to get someone to put their finger up your ass. I do. I get my asshole checked. I saw the special. I get my butthole checked, so I know him very well. Shout out to him. He's one of my best.

My urologist is my guy, dude. I love that guy. He's the one I know. I got my asshole checked by a woman, and I came right away. Right away? Dude. Come on, dude. You're in the butt during a blowjob. I am the away. Right away? Dude. Come on, dude. You're in the butt during a blowjob.

I am the, I mean, come on. And that is, honestly, she's going to lose her license because of that. That's not okay. You can't do that to your fucking patients. We should go to the doctor, but I don't really, my grandfather never went to the doctor.

But that's the thing. My dad was like, I'll figure it out. He had a heart attack, but when you hear heart attack here, you imagine like... He had the flu-like symptoms and drove himself, I think. That happens a lot more than people think. People have minor heart attacks.

Yeah. This is the dad joke. It's minor to you. Yeah. Not to me. My heart almost stopped. I'm the heart attack guy. I think that is funny that I know people

who have had really severe heart attacks and then I know people that have had little hiccup heart attacks right same group same

think at all same kind of guy though it's weird it's like why does it what is that old Norm Macdonald joke where he's like

heart attack it's the only organ that attacks you tries to kill you yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean he's like heart attack. It's the only organ that tries to kill you. You know what I mean? It's like it's going after you. That was the cancer one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you found out, by the way, this is dark.

If you found out today. We're not going to have more whiskey? You want to have some more? I'm here to get fucked up. I'll pour you some. Let me get some of that. We'll say some of this rabbit hole here. Okay. If you found out today, you found out today. Okay.

That's it. Your time is limited. How long do I got? Well, I got to be honest with you, son. Six months. Six months? That's all we got left for you. That's what we calculated.

Am I living, am I this health for six months and I drop dead, or do I have a sick month? No, you're gone pretty fast. Six months, right at the end of six months, it's out. You're out. It's over. But how am I living in month five? Am I on the bed like,

or am I able to travel? What's going to happen is the last couple of days, the lights are going to turn off. That's fine. I'm going to Australia. Really? I want to do one of those huts on the water. Huts on the water?

Not Australia, but it's a... What do people honeymoon? Tahiti? Yeah. I would do one of that. That would be a week. Yeah. I'd see my parents. I would eat. Done with. That'd be a week. Yeah. I'd see my parents.

We'd, you know, I would eat. Done with the gym. Would you tell them? Would I tell my parents? Yeah. I'd wait until month, three months in. See, I think about this because you hear like Pee Wee Herman or, you know, Chadwick Boseman. You see all these guys that like didn't tell anybody they had kids.

Norm didn't tell anybody, you know, except for his extremely close circle. So, you know, it's interesting. It is kind of fun that people don't know. Would you tell people? You wouldn't tell anybody. So you wouldn't tell anybody. I wouldn't tell anybody until a month left. One month.

One month. Hey, mom and dad, I'm out of here in a month. Why wouldn't you tell us? No, no, no. We've been in Boca. You don't tell them that we knew six months ago. Oh, you're lying. You're saying you just found out. I found out. Month to live. They don't know it was six months to live.

Right. That's why you were in Tahiti. You know, that wouldn't come up. That's why you went to Tahiti. No, they'd be like, wow, you really treated. They would just be like, you're going to Tahiti. Like if I said I was going to Tahiti alone, I went to Europe alone. How long were you there?

I did 10 days in the south of France. Wait, why'd you go alone? I was like, I'm single. I'm gonna go. It was the worst fucking decision.

Dude. It was the dumbest thing. I mean, it's very stupid to go alone. Because you have a male audience. I want to make sure that I like get off. Yeah,

let the guys know how dumb it was. It was, do not. Don't go to Europe alone and all these guys are like, no shit.

No, I, yeah, they don't, you know. You think you're on your E-Pray love? Literally. Yeah, you really were. I was like, I'm going to go to the south of France. Wait till I miss. I'm going to sit on the beach, bottle of wine, shirt open down to my navel. Did you do this at all?

I did it all. Yeah, but it wasn't satisfactory to you? It wasn't what I thought. I don't know what I thought, but if you do this, you'll have women, female friends of mine, and especially again, I'm very in touch with the audience that follows me. I like the people

that come to my shows. I like them. We would be friends. Sure. And I was like, I think I might go to Europe, and they were all reaching out like, you gotta go. Gotta go. Go to South all reaching out like, you got to go. Got to go. Go to South of France. And they all, you know.

Where'd you go in South of France? What are we talking? Nice, Cannes, Saint-Tropez. Beautiful. No. Yeah, it's gorgeous. Saint-Tropez was the dumbest fucking decision. Because you were alone.

Because I was alone. It's not Saint-Tropez's fault. No, but you know. Saint-Tropez literally translates to bring a friend. Bring a friend. Saint-Tropez to bring a friend. Bring a friend. San Tropez, bring a friend. Also, bring a couple mil. Like, you can't, you know, the Hamptons, you ever go to the Hamptons?

Mm-hmm. If you go to the Hamptons alone, big mistake. If you go to the Hamptons with no dough, unless you're with 30 other 20-year-olds. You got to have some money. That's why people go in their 20s with 30 people. They have a summer house. They pool funds to be able to have a good time. San Tropez was like, I was at a nice hotel looking at the water,

looking at nicer boat, nicer yacht, nicer helicopter on yacht. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And not to say that I need that, but I'm like, you go to the beach club, they're like, we don't have beach chairs for you. Yeah, you're alone. Yeah, what are you doing? We don't have a single. They come in pairs. Right.

They're in twos or fours. They're in twos. Yeah. You can sit at the bar in your clothing. And you do. And I would just sit there. I guess I'll have a drink here. So you met nobody.

I spoke to one woman. I'll tell the story. Okay. I spoke to one woman. Let's hear story okay I spoke to one woman let's hear the I was in San San Tropez there's a pool at my hotel it's a beautiful modern hotel which is not very you know I liked Nice the hotel there I liked the beach clubs the beach clubs are fucking awesome but you're alone you know like you're alone i'm alone yeah it was the whole trip i was there 10 days it's probably like day six of the trip i'm like jared you gotta talk to

a fucking woman and they six i didn't talk to one 60 done with this fucking trip you haven't spoken to anybody not one there's no bar culture there too right well no it's not it's a it's a dinner dinner hang i was there's a video on my Instagram. I was at a dinner where they sat me at a table for two and it was like a honeymoon dinner. And I'm on the beach. And it's like roses

and candlelight and champagne flutes. I took pictures for like six other tables. And then they did. I was the camera guy. If you want a photo, the man, the Jew, will take the photo

at table six. Here's the funniest part about what you're saying right now. Now do that, but also, I was wearing a shirt that looked exactly

like the waitstaff. Oh, sad. I took a video, my brother goes, you're dressed exactly like the fucking staff. It was like a white button down or something like that?

I was in like a flowered shirt and they were all in like flowered shirts too. Oh, man. It was bad. And I, you know, I did I was in like a flowered shirt and they were all in like flowered shirts. Oh, man. It was bad. And I did this trip and I had a – Speak to the woman. I want to know about the speak to the woman.

So I go to Saint-Tropez. I'm sitting at the pool. There's a pool. It's a big pool. There's day beds. I'm on a day bed. I got a bottle of wine. I'm chilling.

Across the pool, there's like three women and they're having a blast. Just chirping. 30s? Yeah. Just, you know, chirping. 30s? Yeah. Just like appropriately aged, appropriate look, like everything good. And I'm like,

Jared, talk to them. Talk to them. Go talk to them. You're your mother. That's your mother. Jared, go talk to them. Talk to them.

You haven't spoken to one woman. What's going on with you? Come on, Jared. What's wrong with you? You're not gay, Jared. Come on. You like a little vagina. Jewish Boston, by the way.

Great accent. She's from Michigan, but she... Oh, she is? My mom is like the most northeast woman that you've ever met. You're not gay, Jared. Jared, you like a little titty. So, I go... I get in the water.

This is my first mistake. Oh, what are you doing? I thought I'd float over. I got in... I thought I'd float over. Jesus Christ. You don't get wet before you talk to him? Huge mistake. over. I got in. I thought I'd float over. Jesus Christ. You don't get wet before you talk to him. Huge mistake.

Yeah. I go in the water. Text me first you do these things. I know. Well, you wouldn't talk to me. Now. Text me. Now, man.

Text me. Has this been a good episode? This has been a great episode. Great? You gotta text me. It's been great. It's been good. These YouTubers better fucking agree.

Let me tell you something. This has been Penn State. That's right. Arizona State. This has been Penn State. That's right. Arizona State. It's been Arizona State. So you get in the water like a fucking seal. Couple of sun devils over here. Couple of devils, baby.

Hook them. Fork them. What a fantastic mascot. Yeah, fork them. Is that what they did? Yeah, we fork them. I didn't even know that. Yeah, we fork them.

I love that. It's the shocker, but we fork them. No, no, no. I love it. I love every second of it. All right, come on. You get in the water. You get wet. So I get in the water. I love that. It's the shocker, but we fork them. No, no, no, I love it. I love every second of it. Alright, come on, you get in the water, you get wet. Okay, so I get in the water, I get wet. The pool's about 5'5",

I'm 5'8", and a half, like, it was like two, so now I'm on my tippy toes in the water, holding a glass of wine. Chin high. Chin high water. Right. This is so embarrassing and funny. So embarrassing. It's like a good scene in the movie, yeah. It was horrific. I got halfway across the pool. Ladies! No, no, no, where did I go? So stupid. Yeah, ladies would have been better. I go, hey, pool. Ladies! No, no, no. I go, yeah, ladies would have been better.

I go, hey, where are you guys from? Oh, no. From across the pool. Where are you from? Where are you from? What are you, a stalker? What does it matter where they're from? What, are we going to another high school?

I know. What, are we playing against each other? What does your dad work? What does your mommy and daddy do? I just assumed they were Americans. What does your mommy and daddy do? That's the same kind of where are you from. Well, this is, I mean. Hi, girls. Summer camp, mommy and daddy do? That's the same kind of where are you from. Well, this is...

Hi, girls. Summer camp Jew, you brought me to a different story. When we used to go to camp, we used to play what does your dad do and how does he get there? Because we wanted to know who's the richest kid in camp. That's right, yeah. Can't you tell? Isn't there a way to tell with you guys?

You just gave me the anti-Jew face. I saw it. I love this whiskey. What's it called? The Holocaust Didn't Happen? No, no. Well, this one is the Holocaust. Oh, okay.

That one is it might have happened. Right. Yeah, they run the media. Four different blends. Sorry. We love Kanye Ale. Do we ever. So you say, hey, where are you from?

I go, where are you guys from? This one woman just from the group. They didn't even, the other two didn't even turn. The other one woman from the group just goes, we don't speak English. Brilliant. Love that woman. Great. Love her. just goes, we don't speak English. Brilliant. Love that woman. Great. Love her.

I mean, for the women listening. She's right. Great comeback to anyone talking to you. There's no better. That's worse than a no. No. I mean, no one would say no. We don't speak English.

She turns back around. I swam back to my seat. That's the saddest moment in the history of my life. That was the only time you talked to somebody. That was the only time. After that, I was like, what the fuck? Who are you going to talk to after that? I'm done talking for the trip.

I've got to tell you, I'd be pretty good at speaking to people alone. But the difference would be, I'd be there not hit. You're trying to get in. They can feel you trying to hit on them Women are so keen and they're they know like you're utilizing this solo sad guy technique But I would speak to people You know, okay. Can I give you a better you made it sound? I didn't think it could sound worse It's a solo

And they know that's a great t-shirt solo sad sad guy technique? Yeah. I know Bobby Lee likes some merch. Yeah. Solo sad guy technique. Solo sad guy technique where you wade up to a group of women who clearly don't want you anywhere near them. The move, by the way. Okay. The move, because I do moves not to hit on. This is married guy confidence.

I do moves for culture, right? like if i'm with a group of my friends yeah and the guys are single in the group i help them do moves because they'll do that they'll do what you did and i go you look like a bozo i go here's the move buy them around buy them around yeah tell the waiter send it over send that thing over them And then once they get the round by the way the moment the waiters doing the that guy You're out swimming alone for a little bit. You're gonna go leave your chair. No leave your chair go fuck off So they can't even come say thank you right right let it happen later, and if they never say thank you It doesn't matter. You know what's gonna end up happening Somehow the Disney world that we live in, you're going to run into them

later that night somehow. Right. It's going to happen. But also, if they don't do it, that's your answer. Doesn't matter. You don't have to endure the pain. Buy them a round of drinks. Yeah, that was the move.

And this is why you hang out with married guys. Because we just figure... Clear ahead. Clear heads prevail. Right. This is you going, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're filled with jizz. Yeah, I am jizzed up.

You're floating through the pool, neck high water, filled with jizz. Yeah, I am jizzed up. You're floating through the pool, neck high water, filled with jizz. Where are you guys from? So desperate. No, send him the drink. Don't even acknowledge it happened. Listen, I've been guy in relationship with single guys, and you're totally right. The functionality

is so high level. So different. Like, I'm a wingman so much for, you know, like, you know my buddy Chris O'Connor. You know, like, you know my buddy Chris O'Connor. You know O'Connor. Who? Chris O'Connor. How would I know? You don't know O'Connor?

Who is this? He's the East Coast guy who's lived with Shane Gillis and those guys. Oh, I don't know if I ever got to know him. You don't know these guys? No.

Sad. Makes me sad. He's a great comic. This is that you probably told them not to talk to me. I gotta tell you, I'm gonna text him right now. But Connie,

Connie, Connie, when he's single... Not to besmirch him. No, when he's single, I'm such a helpful hand. Because he'll say, when he's out there and he's single and he's XYZ, I give him the other way.

I'm like, mm-mm-mm. You show him CYX CYX go backwards right he's looking through a keyhole work backwards

right and I help him do this thing that is kind of the easiest way for me to go I see the mistakes that you're making it's cause you are

filled with jizz right it's too much jizz you can't be that's the t-shirt I sell too much jizz and it should have been the name of your special

but the name of the special is 37 and single which could be aka too much jizz yeah You can't be That's the t-shirt I sell on the web Too Much Jizz And it should have been the name of your special But the name of the special 37 Is 37 and single Which could be AKA Too Much Jizz Yeah It could be the same

So everybody at home Please do yourself a favor And go watch the special It's a fun laugh You're gonna like it I gotta Plug it and plug it right now Sell the world on it

You want me to sell Sell it baby I'll fucking bring the turtle wax Let's go Don't Please don't Go get Meguiar's instead 37 and single Yeah It's on Netflix You want me to sell? Sell it, baby. I'll fucking bring the turtle wax. Let's go. Don't. Please don't. Go get Meguiar's instead.

37 and single. Yeah. It's on Netflix. Right now. Netflix approved. You can go see it right now. And you might know, like, I'm speaking to your male listeners because I think they might know a woman who knows me. There's good chickadoos on here.

There's chickadoos? Yeah, we got some good chickadoos. Chickadoos. Chickadonts. Chickadoos. Chickadees. They're all chickadoo. I love a chickadoo chickadoos. Chickadoos, chickadonts. Chickadoos. Chickadees. They're all chickadoo. I love a chickadoo.

Here's the thing. You can watch with your girlfriend. There's jokes from the, you know, I got bachelor jokes on there, but they're related to me as a guy. Got it. Dating, body issues, parents, friends, gender reveal parties. That's all on the special. One thing you, body, body, what did you say? Body issues? Body issues, yeah. That's all on the special. One thing you... Body...

What did you say? Body issues? What's the biggest one? I've been trying to lose 10 pounds my whole life. How much do you weigh? It's a tough conversation. Probably 220. 220.

Yeah. But that's a kind number to myself. 5'8", 220. 8 1⁄2. 5'8", 220. 5'8 1⁄2. Without shoes, bud. 5'8 1⁄2. 5'8", 220. 5'8 1⁄2. Without shoes, bud. 5'8 1⁄2.

5'8, 220. I have one leg an inch and a half longer. We will get on the floor and grapple, okay? 5'8, 220. You've been wanting to be 210 for a long time. No. Perfect weight is... 190.

That's tough. 190 is tough. 190 is what I should be. Very thin 190. I would love that. I'd be... But I couldn't live that way. I like to eat should be. Very thin 190. I would love that. I'd be... But I couldn't live that way. I like to eat too much.

I like to hang out. I like to have a 7.30 in the morning whiskey every now and again. A little bit of sauce. Yeah. That's okay. I like to drink. If I really... I eat at night.

That's my big thing. What is it? Nighttime eating. Fast food? Just eat. You don't... The last 15 minutes is special about nighttime eating. And you're just ingesting.

Just give me more. It's not pleasure. It's gluttony. No, it is literally like I get to the end of the day and it's like I'm depressed that the day's eating is done. Oh, my God. This is how you interview people? Wow, that sounds so sad. That was the judgiest thing I've ever fucking heard.

The way you said it sounds so sad. You're supposed to go, I get it. I don't get I've ever fucking heard. The way you said it sounds so sad. You're supposed to go, I get it. I don't get it. That's sad. The way you said it sounded sad. I'm sad that the- Wow. I'm depressed that the eating is done.

Think about that. Don't give me two whiskeys and then go, and then go, oh, that's sad. Yeah, don't, well, don't pull out the sadness. This is LA. You are fully LA now. Let me tell you something. I've never... I have a relationship with food where...

What do you eat? I don't deprive myself of anything. But I don't... But you don't go over the top. I don't... What am I... I don't need to... I never have...

You're never full. No, that's not true. That's not true. No, full to the point of like, I fucking need to go take a nap and hug a pillow. I never eat a thing because I feel bad. I know people that eat stuff when they feel bad.

I know that's a thing. Eat when you're not hungry. You wouldn't eat when you're not hungry? Why am I eating? I'm not hungry. No, you have the body of someone who eats a... You have the body of healthy relationship with food. And look, it's not like, oh, I'm better than those that don't.

No, no, no. What I'm saying is... Listen, we all have our things. I never... Yeah, mine fucking sauce. I love sauce. I got them both. You't. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, listen, we all have our things. I never, yeah, mind fucking sauce. I love sauce. I got them both. You do.

No, but I, no, but I don't turn to, I don't turn to late night, get home, eat because I'm emotional about something or I'm sad

or I'm bummed about a spot or I'm bummed about a thing or whatever. So a lot of people will just go to that route. For me, the mind spins, which is even probably worse. I'll sit up at night and I can't go to sleep.

You'll eat and pass out right away, won't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See? No, I'll eat, pass out, wake up, have to fast the next day. Oh. Like I'll punish myself for the eating that night. The sit up at night, yeah, that doesn't speak to me. I'll sit up all night long thinking about it. Thinking about what?

Whatever was going on, man. I didn't like the way that spot was. don't like this thing this i'm trying to work you create enemies no no this guy yeah me me you're the enemy yeah but i peel peel myself to pieces trying to think about why this doesn't work or why don't why don't i like this or what do i really want to have happen in this part of my career in my life and does your wife work yeah yeah yeah she does yeah she's got her own not in the business she's like her own she's an adult human yeah with her own job lawyer her own thing she's uh she is a defense attorney really yeah she's a d.a hot no it's fucking hot show me a

picture i told you she's jewish dude wait shut the fuck up don't don't don't get on oh this is why you're so free and i'm not gonna convert i. Now I get it. I'm not going to convert. Well, now I know why you're so freewheeling with these Jew things. You think I'm going to flip sides? All right, listen. Let me tell people genuinely. Curvy? She's 5'8", 220. Oh, my God.

That's my type. Do me a favor, ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen and ladies, people of all ages, races, colors, and creeds, go watch the special 37 and Single right now on Netflix. Please go watch it. What we appreciate, and I'm being genuine, as a comedian, is to help us keep growing as comics in the community

and supporting people that are in the community. It helps us get this thing to other levels. That way you see it. This is more sad than my speech about the... No, no, no, I'm thing to other levels. That way you see it. This is more sad than my speech about the... No, no, no, I'm being genuine. I appreciate that. I appreciate it. What it does for us communally is

it continues to make comedy a fixture in this digital world. And I don't know if I'm supposed to be promoting it because of the strike. No, we're not union. We're not union, guys. You're not? No, I'm in the union,

but this isn't a movie or a television show. This is a stand-up comedy special. I need to tell some of my friends about this. I don't even know the rules about that. I think that's garbage. The strike is. No, no, no. Jesus Christ.

No, I'm all for people being paid what they should be fairly being paid. You're saying promoting a comedy special is not the same thing. Not the same thing. And it's also, you know, like. You worked so hard on it, too. Wouldn't it be a bummer if you couldn't promote it? Oh, my God. That's what kills me.

I have a movie that's coming out at the end of the year, and I thought, man, what if we won't even be able to fucking talk about it. What people put you in the position of is arguing with people that you agree with. 100%. Then there's billionaires just on a yacht in Saint-Tropez laughing at me, wading in the water trying to talk to a woman. That's a perfect analogy. They're like, did you see the stupid 5'8 man

above water talking to the girl? Chubby Jew, say where you from? Hey, Chubby Jew! where you from hey Chubby Jew that's so good it's true we're arguing well but that isn't that the whole

isn't that truly what's really going on culturally right now is we're arguing with people that we agree with yes it's a great dude honestly

what an astute phrase I feel like more and more I'm arguing with people that I agree with where I'm like you know we feel the same way right right right we just have one little

thing different and so why are we... That's what they want. And I say they as in... Jews. Jews. That's what they want. That's what the biggest entities would like us to do.

The government's the same way. They don't want you to be on the same squad. They're like, these guys fucking hate each other. They're the Kardashians. We need two sides of an argument. You gotta. I need someone to go, of course she's self-made. And then another person to go, well, of course she's self-made.

And then another person to go, well, she was given everything self-made. How could you make it? And that's how you get a big TikTok. Do you ever go watch your wife defend a criminal? Oh, she's not a DA. No? No, she's not. I was all hard over here.

But I could keep it going if you'd like me to. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes I'll go watch her. Yeah? Yeah, she's pretty good at her job. She's like fucking... She wears this nice little pencil skirt, and she always has a chopstick in her hair. How'd you know I would like this?

Pencil skirt, chopstick in her hair. Old school. Very old. She wears sheer tights. Yeah. She has an assistant that's like... Chunky heel. Got a chunky heel.

Love a chunky heel. She has an assistant who's kind of like a mess. A little tiny. She's a little tiny girl. Her assistant. Let's do Chunky heel. Got a chunky heel. Love a chunky heel. She has an assistant who's kind of like a mess. A little tiny... She's a little tiny girl. Her assistant. Let's do another three hours. She's a mess. Pour me some of that.

Let's do another three hours here. What are you, off your fucking head? Do you think this is Joe Rogan? I knew it. What do you think? Is this Joe Rogan? I knew it. He's a business.

I walked... What do you think? Is this Joe Rogan? Yeah, the Ferrari doesn't pay its payments on its own. God, I wish I had a fucking Ferrari. What do you have? I have 17 cars. No, you don't.

17. 17? No, what are we talking about? Dude, you said you're a big car guy. Do you really want to know? I still have a Hyundai Sonata. No, you don't. Shut up.

It's outside. We can look at it when we leave. Oh, you're really trying to lie to these people. You can look at it when we leave. You want to let people know. Come on, you're a rich guy. My fans know I have a Nissan Cube. I've always been a big Cube guy.

Shut the fuck up. What do you mean, dude? I'm a Cube for life kind of guy. Stop it. I'm a Cube for life. Are you driving around in a PT Loser? Excuse me. The purple one?

One of the greatest cars ever made was a PT Loser. Like you're the Joker? No, I have five Dodge Vipers. I can't get... Stop it. I love these fucking things. I think they just...

They're the pinnacle of cars. This guy took an improv class. He's nonstop. He's actually very quick and smart. No, I have five Dodge Vipers. I love these fucking things. I think they just... This guy took an improv class. He's nonstop. He's actually very quick and smart. I keep my... His is water. I keep my little things a secret so the kids, they'll never know. You don't want them to know how rich you got. No, it's not that.

I've always been rich. You've always been a rich guy. Trust me, the Boca thing gave it away. Boca, you knew. Summer camp. Two power wheels. Let me say this to you. Yeah. I hope people watch the special and they like it and they enjoy it.

Okay. I hope you initiate a whole new set of fans. Thank you. I appreciate that. And I hope you learned a lesson on this show about not walking up to girls and asking where they're from. Yeah, no, no, no. Did we learn something? about not walking up to girls and asking where they're from.

Yeah, no, no, no. Did we learn something? It is a great move to go, hey, want to buy them drinks? Don't need. Well, this goes back to like, do you pay on the first date? Of course you do. Yeah, you don't have to. Pay on the fucking first date because take away the issue. They don't want equality.

They don't want equality, man. They want you to pay. Right. Equality is partial equality. No, man. They want you to pay. Right. Equality is partial equality. No, equality. They want quality, not equality. They want quality.

Yeah. And a quality guy goes, the only way I get hard is if I pay for this fucking day. Yeah. You have trouble getting up. Not a day in my life. I have trouble

putting it down. Just always hard. Always. That's why your leg is crossed right now right i gotta listen i was talking about your wife in that pencil hey you son of a bitch listen jewish woman uh uh d.a go to camp she went to come on don't give me an easy jew joke about camps don't do that what are you don't take it well don't put it out there well don't say it i think you're a good comic you guys should you guys should say you should say something other than summer camp.

No. Summer getaway. No, no, no. We do it to fucking find out who the hacks are. No, you're tempting us. Yeah, we're tempting you. Whoever makes that joke, I go, I don't know. Jewish summer camp.

Good to know. Yeah, yeah. Summer camp. Summer camp. Yeah. Camp, camp, camp, camp, camp. And then you guys go, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I go.

No, I don't go for it, but it's way too close. One time my buddy was dating a girl, and him and I, we've known each other since summer camp, and she goes, someone was like, how do they know each other? And she looked at them and was like,

yeah, they went to Jew camp together. That one sounds a little bit more appropriate. Now, game over. Jew camp. I know. She was out from me. Jew camp. I know, it was out for me. Jew camp. I know,

you know, it's like laughing at you or laughing with you. Yeah. You know. Jew camp's a little abrasive. What about Jew boy camp? Get out of here.

That one's better. No, no. I wouldn't talk to that person ever again in my life. They went to Jew camp. That's what she said. They went to Jew camp together. And he she said. They went to Jew camp together. And he's someone who cares about the summer camp as much as I do.

What was it called? Do you remember? Do I remember? I was talking to the owner a couple days ago. Are you a supporter of it then? I love it. Do you still give to it? Give?

Give. What are you talking about? What do you think this is? Don't you donate to keep this thing open? No. This isn't Arizona State. Come on, dude. Don't you donate to keep this thing open? No. What is this, an Arizona state? Come on, dude. You got to donate.

You got too much money now. Not Netflix gave you that big deal. Netflix gave you a deal. You got to kick some back to the community. We'll be partners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we'll be partners. They leased you a Hyundai Sonata.

That's what they said. We'll lease you a Sonata. Yeah, they said, do you want to drive a Cube? I said, keep it. Keep the Cube. Keep it and think about me. Yeah, I'll take an Uber. All right, listen, sweetheart.

I love you. We're done. I appreciate you. What are you doing tonight? We're going to do spots. Are you doing spots? I got no spots. Well, come fart around then.

I'll come hang. I'm doing one tomorrow. Gone tomorrow. Where are you going? I'm going to take a little trip are you going? I'm taking a little trip Oh vacation Not a vacation Just getting out of town

What does that mean? I'll tell you off the air Okay You ever heard of Epstein's Island? Alright we end the show The same way Look in that camera

Right there Look in that camera Right there You say one word Or one phrase To end the episode One word Or one phrase

To end the episode Whenever you're or one phrase to end the episode. Whenever you're ready. It's embedded in history for the rest of time. Go watch Cheeseburger. No. Look at that. Go watch 37. That's called a mensch.

That was really nice. Fucking mensch. Mensch. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.