Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Jared Freid Is Still on His Parents’ Family Plan | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian Jared Freid to talk about getting older, dating, family, relationships, and the strange realization that you can be a full-grown adult and somehow still be a child the second you're around your parents. Jared's brand-new Netflix special, The Family Plan, is out now, digging into his relationship with his Boomer parents, family vacations, body issues, and the fact that yes — at 41 years old, he's still on the family cell phone plan. Jared is also the host of The JTrain Podcast and co-host of U Up?, where he's spent years diving headfirst into the insanity of modern dating, relationships, apps, breakups, and all the other stuff we're apparently supposed to have figured out by now. Watch Jared Freid: The Family Plan on Netflix:https://www.netflix.com/title/82672875 Check out Jared's tour dates and more:https://jaredfreid.com Listen to The JTrain Podcast:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jtrain-podcast/id672249013 Follow Jared Freid:https://www.instagram.com/jaredfreid Follow Andrew Santino:https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger:https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #JaredFreid #TheFamilyPlan ================================================= This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL Get ready for big games, bigger Saturdays, and your most rewarding season ever. only on FanDuel. http://fanduel.com/whiskey LIQUID IV USE PROMO CODE: 2026WG FOR 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER http://liquidiv.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by Fandul. Hey, Whist Ginge, fans, I am doing one more glorious show. I'll be in Mesa, Arizona at Sloan Park, where my glorious Chicago Cubs play in the spring training of their baseball season with Dave Chappelle. Do you know David Chappelle? I'll be opening for him. He's somewhat known in the stand-up community. Dave Chappelle and I, on October 18th, please come see me in Mesa, Arizona, where my Chicago Cubby's spring train. I love you. I can't wait to see you out there. Go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets or Fastball Comedy.com.

Either way, Andrew Santino. com for those tickets. I'll see you there, Mesa. In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like bad hers, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive.

You only $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Jr. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth I said it from. I guess what I mean again today. It's Jared Freed.

A pleasure to be here. So good, man. All right, talk that talk about me last night. I ran into each other at the store. I watch you. I'm fascinated by you. Why? I just, you're Ferris Bueller, dude. You're Ferris Bueller.

You get along with the jocks, the dweeps, the losers, the nerds. You, I mean, you talk, you hang with Marin and Rogan. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I was thinking about it. I was like, I don't have that. I don't have that ability. Like, when you were in high school, did you get along with, like, people older? Were you the guy that, like, hey, the juniors are having a party and you're, like, a freshman?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's you. I was like, I was like, this guy gets along with everybody. It's not a comedian's normal. I get along with, okay, so I was, well, I was a. Because I like you, and I, before we met, sorry, interrupt. Yeah. I was like, I don't know.

I was like, I don't know your deal. And then I met you, I was like, that guy, great guy. Like, totally what you see is what you get. And a lot of people, you don't get that. That's true. A lot of it's you don't see. Well, for me, I've always always, I was a, I like drugs and partying, but I also liked sports.

So in high school, my best friend was the kid I smoked the most pot with and did school. Right. And then I would also go to basketball. You know what I mean? Like, two things existed for, so yes. It's hard to, like, parent that into your kid. You would want to parent your kid. To do drugs and do sports.

Right. But that mix, like never, you can never even, it's tough to even that out. Like, you can't aspire to that because you'll be like, you'll have a fuck up kid and people be like, what happened? You're like, I tried to get the mix and like, I was always a little bit of both. I love sports so much, but I also had the art, artsy thing inside of me that I really, really like. I'm like a, I'm like a Josh Hartnett movie from like 2006.

Yeah. And you're not being, like, this isn't like you being cocky. No, that's just who I am. I like drugs and sports. Right. Yeah. That should be merch. I like drugs and sports.

I like, drugs and sports. I do. Well, it's just a little bit of each. You're not crazy about either. Like, usually someone who's like, I like drugs and sports is a liar. Like they're a grifter. No, I like a girl. You're not doing that.

No. I can tell that from you. And because I, when I like, when I sniff grift, that's my merch. Oh, you sniff grift. I sniff grift. Oh, wow. I can sniff grift. better than anyone.

I can't, I turn off. I turn, I, I, I, I, I turn, I, I, I, I, I, I can't do it. And there's so much grift that I sniff. Give me some, give me some griff that you sniff. Sometimes I just get like, I've had, you know, especially because I do a dating advice podcast. Yes. Where I'm being honest and I'm not being grifty. So I, I look like a douche.

Like, every time I talk about dating from the male point of view, it's an icky thing to talk about. Why? Because it involves sex. It involves looks. It involves not really, you know, you're not the hero. You know, like the hero is the guy who gets married and falls in love. And nine out of ten times, it's, ah, we dated and I wasn't sure. And now you're just, like, women hate a guy who can't make a decision.

Yeah. And that's most guys. That's everybody. Yeah. And so I get put in a position. So then when I see the people that are like men being like, you know, man, I'm just like, I can't find a date. And it's just like the hot dude. I'm like, stop it.

Stop it. You call grift. You sniff the grift. So back to you. Sniff the grift. I just, I'm like watching you with Marin last night and you're like making fun of his shoes, which deservedly so. They were horrific. And I, nobody.

And Marin, like, I don't know him. He seemed like a really gentle, nice guy. Like, I liked his presence. And then you're like talking about like, yeah, back in the day, you know, Rogan, tip. like a million dollars to the waste of it. I'm like, this guy, like Marin and Rogan hate each other and you're the glue in between. Not anymore, they've made up.

They've made up? They've made up? Yeah, and we were a puzzle piece to that because we had said, I had talked to Mark for, you know, a long time about, I never understood this hate. Like, you can disagree with each other, politically, socially, whatever your disagreement are. Right.

But I think their beef goes far back to like the Boston day, like way old. Sure, sure. So younger guys like us have no idea. There's a lot of, the rules. Yeah, there's so much baggage to that. Yeah, it's crazy. That's why whenever somebody criticizes it from a level at our younger, you know, we're close in age, I'm a little bit older.

But, like, when our generation criticized, I'm always like, you have no idea what these guys live through. Like, that's like saying, I've known, I've known Tony Hinchcliff since he was, when he was a door guy. You know, like, we know people from back that people have no frame of reference currently to, and it shapes your relationships now. Totally. And it was a different relationship because we're more careful.

careful. Like even me being like, I can sniff the grift. Like, we have cameras on it all time. We're taping every conversation. Yeah, we're doing this. Like, we're doing this. Like, there's someone watching listening. You know, they were just like, if they hated someone, it was had out. Like, there wasn't like a fear of like, you know, the TikTok of like, you won't believe how it went down. Like this like, this like guy on Reddit being like, I heard, you know, so they really told each other what they thought of one. Yeah. And there was no evidence to back. Like, I think Ari, I think it was a rumor that Ari pooped in someone's car when they got into a fight. And you're like, man, where's the camera on that, though?

I do want to see you pooping in a car. Yeah, and any Ari rumor is believable. It's all true. It's all true. He's in that kind of zone where you go, yeah, okay, I'm sure he's shitting all four of the seats. Yeah, no grift on him, by the way. No grift on Ari. That's another no grift on Ari.

I agree. Yeah. He'll tell you. Those are the comedians I like the most. Like, and, you know, it's hard to be successful and no grift. Hard to be successful with no grift. You know, that's why I'm looking at you. I'm like, you know, that's why the Ferris Bueller thing.

I'm like, I like that. Yeah, you should play an adult, like an older Ferris. Like, I think, I would say younger. Ferris was older too, though. The fact that they pretended he was in high school, you're like, isn't the kid 25 years old? Right. And Sloan Peterson being a high school student, you're like,

don't fuck with us like that. You know, like. Come on. We don't want to be assholes here. Cameron, I think, look up the ages how old they were when they shot that. Cameron, that car. The whole movie is just like... Perfect. It's perfect. It is a like... Who was the sausage king from Chicago? Do you remember the name?

Come on, dude. You're Jewish, right? I am. Was it an all beef sausage? It was a very Jewish name. Who was the sausage king from Chicago? This is crushing me because I want to know it's so bad. I'll give you the initials. A-F. A-F. Alan Freed? No.

Was he my uncle? Abe Froman. Abe Froman. Hey, now I'm the grifter. I'm acting like I know this movie. Yeah, that was a grift out. I was just saying, do we want to guess who was oldest out of Cameron, Sloan, and Ferris? I think, I think.

Cameron was the oldest. Yeah, I think Cameron was the oldest. And then I think it was Cameron, then Matthew, then Sloan. I don't know Sloan's real name. Sloan, yeah, what was her, like, next movie? Like, she, nowadays, we were talking about the girlfriend of obsession. She's now rogue in X-Men. We were talking about that last night.

And it's like, nowadays, Sloan goes into Ferris Bueller's Day off and you're like, we gotta put her at everything. She's a Marvel girl now. If Sloan was today, she would immediately be a part of the Marvel universe or the, you know, like she'd be a franchise. She's Jean Grey, you know, she, yeah. She'd be a franchise. Because... What is it? The oldest is Cameron.

Yeah, was 29. Yeah, high school, 29. The 30-year-old guy in high school. Matthew Broderick. was 23. I was right. I was right. Okay. One, two, three. Mia Sarah, who played Sloan, was 18. Oh, my God. She was a high school girl.

And she didn't look 18. I mean, she looked like an adult woman. That's... But back then, they all looked... Like, I remember watching an interview because I was obsessed with Carson when I was a little kid. My mom would say, like, I'd watch it, but I didn't understand it. But I, like, got... I, like, liked the rhythm of late night for some reason.

Well, sometimes when you're at that age or when you're younger, you like just people... Especially, I think a lot of comics, if you become... You like people being funny. I just like, yeah, I like the rhythm of the show. Right. There's something about it that I like. Like I watched Seinfeld and I'm watching Seinfeld and I'm like, I just like that I'm like in here, you know, watching this.

I just like that I'm here, you know? It is true. You're like embedded inside of it. Yeah. And the rhythm of Carson was always very kind of frenetic and fun. And late night kind of diverted from that, which is that's why I started to hate late night because I was like, what happened to this kind of loose, awkward? Letterman did it the best. Well, Letterman did it the best, though.

He was awkward and weird and would put people when he was younger. Young Letterman was incredible. And then he kind of got a little bit more packaged, but he was still the Letterman still the king. But I watched a Carson clip pop up with Carson and Rickles. And he's like, how old are you? We're close to the same age. And I'm looking at these men remembering in my mind.

I'm like, they're 70 years old. Right. But they were 38 or something like that. Look at that clip. It's like they both. There's so much of that. George Costanza. You're like, how, I thought you were a thousand years old when I was a kid.

Well, the golden girls, they all... They were like 45. Yeah, they were like... We're like, the golden girls age. We are, I know, it's so weird. And we were like, oh, they're talking about sex. And it's like, yeah, they were like... 50.

Yeah, they were like... Totally what they should be doing. But that Rickles clip blew my mind. I was like, they were... And that was the old joke that he goes... He says, you know, God... God said, make him successful and make him struggle. You know, that old, it's like a famous club.

But he's like 37 or 38, and you're like, how are these guys younger than me now? What do you think it is? Is it skincare, hair care? Is it body care? Is it the way we dress? Yeah, well, it's, it's, we're in 4K. Back then, too, everything was in such bad,

like, you didn't see these people in person. So you saw them through the lens of cameras in TV, and it was so grainy. You really didn't know how old people looked. You think that's it? I think it was a part of it. Yeah, because, and also dressed so much older. Look, we dress like children.

It's also cigarettes and hydration. No one drank water back then. God bless, you don't need water. No one needs water. No, ever. But look how we dress. This is, it's proper. You're wearing pants in a shirt.

No, I know. But like, guys in our, I'm 43 in a couple months. A 43-year-old man back then was wearing suits. And his belt was above his name. It was at his tits. Yeah. It was right at his titty belt. Yeah.

You remember that when you saw your dad putting on a titty belt? Oh, every day. changing in the morning in his fucking pants. And he had a pants line almost his tits, like all the way up here. Right at his nipples. It was unbelievable. Titty belt.

Great merch. Titty belt. We're just cracking out merch. I like drugs in sports. Yeah. But what is it? It's also stylistic though. Did you see the pictures of people editing George Costanza if he was like a bald 30 year old?

Oh yeah. Have you seen that? I've seen that where it's like he's like at the Statham cut. Yeah. Yeah. And he would have gone with, again, like yeah, the he would have gone with a shaved head. he wouldn't wear that hair out. For sure.

But now if you saw a guy with that hair out, like at a comedy club that it was like going on the stage, you'd be like, what's this guy's deal? Well, he's going to kill. Yeah, he's going to be, yo, this guy knows some shit. This guy's doing something, yeah. I do think, yes, it's style, fashion. And it's also, they did age him, because he's supposed to be Larry.

Right. And Larry, like, has eternally looked like an old man. Right. So, like, even when you saw young Larry, you're like, was this guy 50? I know, right. And even now, you go, he just hasn't changed the look. He's looked the same for 25 years.

It's incredible. Wouldn't you think, like, and he, you know, it's weird if you just give in to what you are. It is such like a lesson for life. You know, it's like, I mean, you're a golfer. I'm trying to learn golf. But it's like, in golf, you have to do the opposite, like, of what you think. Right. It's like, hit the ball from the inside to make it go straight, you know, like that type of shit.

Like, it's kind of the same thing with Larry David where he goes, I'm just going to go this look. And now he becomes sexier for it. For sure. You know, like he gave. Chicks. Chicks love him. Chicks love. I hate someone who says I'm like Larry David.

That's so annoying. I hate that. It's such annoying. I've seen that on a t-shirt. It's like the worst personality t-shirt. I've seen it on like an Instagram profile where someone's like, the female Larry David. Get out of here. The minute you say it, it ain't true.

That's a spell. He sniff the grift. I got you. I do hate that when someone compares themselves to anybody in that realm, but especially like Larry. People, people for some reason, because he's so affable, even though he's a grump.

Right. He's like a lovable grump. People are like, that's me. Right. No, no, he earned it. You know,

part of his lovability is that he made the greatest show of all time. Yeah. Like, there was earned lovability there. Like, you can't just be like, you can't just attain, you know, this genius thing.

Yeah, you're not allowed to manufacture that. That has to be like, that's why it's organic. It's why he's so funny at it. Now, Seinfeld, on the other hand, gets all the credit for that show because his name is stamped on it, but I've said it once. I'll say it again. That's Larry David's show. Well, who would you? I used to think about this when I started comedy. It's like, what would you want to be?

Seinfeld ends, okay? It's like 1999 when Seinfeld ends. You're Jerry Seinfeld. You're the most famous comedian alive. Yeah. Or you're Larry David. I'd be Larry all day. You're just the comedian's comedian. The guy, you know, people like us are like, well, you know, before occurs. You'd go at Larry David. I'd be Larry David a thousand times over and over.

And then to get to make, get mad at me, hot take, a better version of Seinfeld, which is curb. It's a better version because it's updated. Some people just like the old sitcom format of multicam. I never liked multi-cam. Never. I thought it was, like, look, I liked it a little bit, but I wasn't like a Seinfeld stand. I didn't love Multicam because it felt very fake. So when I first got to see, like, single cam come alive, I was like,

this is what I like. Right. This feels like real life shit. Like a slice of life. And studio audience stuff was cute when we were kids. I liked the idea of it because it was like, you know, shows had that rhythm that you like that we were talking about. Right.

But then once you see what single camera looks like, you're like, oh, oh, that's what I like. Comedy-wise. Multicam is Broadway on TV. Yeah, it's Broadway TV. It's Broadway on TV. And they, but I'm a multi-cam guy. Like, I love a sitcom. But like when it's done right, you're like, this.

They're like little plays, like those little vignettes. It's like, and it's like... It's very well done, if it's well done. I watch the pilot, okay? I go back and watch all these, like, shows. I watch the pilot of Will and Grace the other night. That is like genius writing. Like the writing is so good.

They introduced Megan Malali's character in one sentence. You know her whole backstory. One sentence, they go, Grace is on the phone with Will, and she goes, and Will's like, Grace is like, my assistant's late. And he's like, isn't she like super rich?

Why don't you just fire her? And she's like, I don't know. I like her. And then Malali walks in and you're like, super rich woman doesn't need this job, pain in the ass.

I know everything. Perfect. And you're like, it was like the fat was just, it was so lean. Yeah. And I was watching, I was like at awe.

I was like, it's what a magic trick, you know? And when it's done well, it is awesome. No, it is. It's just,

it's very formal. I'd put up the Arrested Development pilot against literally any television pilot in the history of anything. Because I think it's, that just shows the, like, strength of, like, really kind of popping in and, like, singling out characters. That's what I loved. When multi-chem, you kind of have to all be in on this, it's all very showy. So it is, like, a stage, it's a stage play. That's why those, you know, big actresses do really well on a, on a multi-chem. Like, like, the nanny?

Have you watched The Nanny? But Fran was, I mean, that was like, you know. Well, you watch it and you're like, as a Jewish man, I watch that and I'm like, I'm obsessed with her. What about a Jewish woman? Do they like her as much? I think they would like her. They would go, that's me. Yeah.

She was aspirational to Jewish women and Jewish men alike. You say aspergerie to Jewish women? A little bit. Yeah. A little bit. She did not know how to control the volume of her voice. It was unbelievable. She was, and then the mother and the grandmother get involved and you're like, like, I don't know.

You watch her on that first episode, the name. nanny and you're like and she walks in the door you're like she's got style she's got grace she's she's got flair the nanny it was it those are they're i get it they're well-received shows there's something about them that once i learned what multi-cam comedy was it was i was obsessed i was like oh this or single cam yeah i just got like embedded in it's it's it's sexy but like king of queens i watch king of queens and i'm like love like everybody that's raymond you love that yes yeah i never got into all of it i i can't i just love it

I, you know, and they're all called comfort shows. Sure. You know, when people are like, oh, comfort shows. And they're like, and we're not making the thing that people are like, I get comforted by it? Like, we're done making that? Yeah, we are now. It's just not happening. This is a comfort show for somebody.

Well, I do. I'm a podcast listener as well. It just does something different because now they feel much closer to the thing. Whereas those multi-camps, I don't know if the younger generation, where we were, people were hudder around the TV to watch family matters and full house. I don't know if the younger generation would be the target for those shows. Who would they target now? Because young kids, their phone has everything

they need. Right. It's not even worth figuring out. You know what I mean? Like I kind of think about that and I'm like, where does TV go? Where does all this go? And you go? I don't know. It's still happening. It's just being curated for people on their phones exactly what they like.

It's still going to keep going. It's just going to be it's more, everything, I think there's going to be more niche, less broad. I think broad comedy is dead. I think niche comedy is alive. And your audience will be smaller, but it'll be heavy. It'll be real. And yeah, well... Which is fine. It's fine. I don't know.

I made a special that is like abroad for people. I'm always like, share it with their family because your parents will like it too. It's called family. The family plan. Because I'm still on my parents' cell phone plan. It's so sad. You're 38? Dude, don't... I'm 41. 41?

Yeah, dude. Gross. See, this is the, I like to pay guy. No, no, hold on. This is the easy. You're 41 and you're on your parents' cell phone plan? Yeah. And I say it, listen, I could pay it myself. I'm not saying I can.

No, no, I know you can. I want the women out there to know. No, I'm going to. I will split dinner with you. Ladies, I swear, medium penis. So I, Yay. So in here we pour whistle.

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I... No, I... It is funny that you could, it's so easy to get on a high horse with someone on the family plan. It's because you connect. It's a way to stay close to the parents without completely cutting the. Well, I was off of it and then I'm a podcast listener, as I said, and then it was the time of like data. I was on it before. My dad goes, what the hell are you doing with all this data? I'm paying for all this data.

What are you doing? You're like 30 times the guy at the store told me you're 30. And I'm like, they're downloading by themselves. Like I wake up and my phone is automatically downloading all these podcasts and I don't have to turn it off. He goes, get off. Get off. You're off. And then I started paying it myself.

And then he calls me like five years later. He's like, so I'm at T-Mobile and it's like 50 bucks. What are you paying? And I was like more than that. And he goes, uh, you're back. You're back. I'm back. I'm back, baby.

That's a sitcom moment. There it is. He's back on the plan. That's right. So, no, but I mean like I'm, I want broad comedy. I'm like. Yeah, you like it. I like it.

I don't know. I'm soothed by, you know, the, like, oh, there's a family that I get it, and my mom's done that. Well, you have that very, like, that's a part of your comedy, too, right? You've got, like, a very, your comedy is, like, open arms. You're not, like, get in or fuck off. No, I'm more like, look at my parents, they're fucking assholes, aren't yours, too? So it's a one-hour story about going to the beach with my parents. That's wild.

The whole special. Where at what beach? Del Rey Beach Del Rey Beach That's where they live right They live in Boca I live in Del Rey I'm 25 minutes away

We're at the beach My dad asked me how much I weigh And it's while I'm sitting In a beach chair And I was like so enraged By that Is he a big guy? Him and I have the same body

We're tissue boxes Right You know so we have the same shape So it's like I'm looking at tissue box He's looking at tissue box And he goes how much do you weigh And I went home

And I podcast about it I got so mad That I went home And I did my Patreon You know, and I'm like, that's where I tell stories about my life. And I got such a response from that. But I was like, when I do a story, when I talk about my parents and my family, I'm done with it. Like, I got it out of my system and then I went to bed.

Sure. Next morning, I go into the kitchen. My dad goes, he listens to one of my podcast, this one. He listens to whiskey ginger every week. No, he listens to my coffee with J-Train with my Bajoran. Yeah. I walk in the kitchen. He goes, you got it all wrong.

I go, what are you talking about? He goes, coffee with J-Train. I just want to know how much you weigh. I'm like, are we doing this again? We had the fight again in the kitchen the next day. And I, so then I go on state, I start trying to do this story, and it bombs every time. And everyone's like, your dad's an asshole. Yeah.

And then I'm like, well, let me explain. And I had the last special come out, and it gave me confidence. I think, like, my issue with stand-up has always been like, I just got to be able, it's confidence. My issue with everything is confidence. I think most people's issues with everything is confidence. And like, why am I not doing this story that I really want to tell? And I was like, you know, I want to do well on stage. I want to go on after, you know, last night.

Jay Leno's on the fucking lineup. I want to do well. I'm like, that's crazy, you know? So I was like, so I had a little more confidence. I started telling this story. And I'm like, well, maybe I got to explain my dad. And I got to explain my, that we have the same body. And I got to explain my mom.

She pees in the ocean. And I got to, you know, like, she's pees in the ocean underwater or above the water? That's the, the bit is like she's the most obvious ocean pier. you've ever seen. Above the water. Yeah, just stand in there. Smart woman, though.

Yeah, you got to be above the water. You can't be underwater. For those that don't know, you'll get infections. Well, you can't do that. If you want to embarrass your family, you go above the water. I pee above the water every time. Do you really? Yeah, I'll stand there and I'm pissing.

I'll tell everyone, I'm pissing. I'll say that to the whole beach. I have a buddy who used to do it on the sand. He's like, what's the difference? I agree. It's a fair point. It's a fair point. You're going right back in the water.

Do you have kids? No kids. No. you'd be a great dad because the argument I always say this about parents I mean he's my son you have a 26 year old son I uh 27 27 yeah he keeps growing every year he gets another age it's so hard to keep up I parents are annoying because they're always 10% right so like you're enraged by them because there's a little ounce and what you just did yeah you're 10% right yeah like yeah why should I pee what's the difference between the ocean and the

beach well you know your family feeling like they're with a crazy person don't care doesn't get right dads generally don't care because you get you reach a certain age where nothing you don't it doesn't matter someone would be like that's embarrassing and you're like for right for right I don't care I'm married and I'm done yeah it doesn't matter right I don't I don't what's the I think about as I all the years I spent worrying about what other people thought of that thing that I was up to whatever it was mm-hmm And then he reaches a certain age and you're like, oh, I can't believe I even fucking cared a little bit about that.

I know. Well, again, to go back, that's Larry David. Yeah, who cares? That's why he's sexy. Yeah, because he doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. His is also, his mouth gets in front of him. That is...

Well, and he, the show, the reason the show, his mouth gets in front of him, and then he takes it to... Another level. The end of the road. That people, that's why it's so funny. It's like, we usually stop ourselves and then go back to our mirror and go,

and another thing. You know, the whole curb thing is, I'm going to take this ounce of truth and play it to the end. Yeah, he does. He goes as far as you can go with it. Right. Which, which I think, like my dad is, how old are your parents? 68. They're young.

Yeah, like, once they get to their 70s, I feel like they really don't give a fuck. Like, they get to a place now where, like, my dad used to exercise a lot, and my mom still does. And I'll say, hey, are you going to go down to the basement and work out? And he'll chuckle. Right. Now he's like, why? No, dude, it's, I'm going to go soon. Like, he doesn't fucking care.

My dad's like the opposite where if I talked, every time I'm like, how was the morning? He'll announce his schedule with the most pride I've ever. He's like, woke up nine holes of golf, spun, swam, going to play gin now. Do you know anyone else my age doing all that? Do you? I'm like, no, I don't talk to a lot of 68-year-olds. Yeah, no, I'm not friends a lot of them. This is every time.

He's an active cat. Oh, my dad moves. What about your mom? Same. They are at a 13 out of 10 every day. That's great. And I put up the trailer for the special. People are like, did you write the lines for them?

No. They are all themselves. It's them. It is so them. There's like clips of them. At the end of the special, there's a hidden camera in the car when I go pick them up. and my mom's like, did you tell Jimmy Fallon about tonight? And I'm like, what?

Why would I tell Jimmy? Like, they're just like, everything out of their mouth. I'm like, I need a camera on this. Yeah, I'll call Jimmy right now. Let me just ring him up. I did Fallon twice, so she's like assuming we text every day. Talk all the time. He couldn't make it.

Sorry, Mom. Like, what am I supposed to say? And now, because they live in Boka, they're in a country club community. Oh, nice. They are, both have their own golf carts with their names. names on the side of it on the driver's seat. Was nicknames or they're real names? Oh, real names.

Kim and Jerry. Just hanging. And it's Kim on the driver's side of hers, Jerry on the driver's side of his. And they drive around, and they, my dad was never really, like, he had no friends. All of a sudden, he's got like a whole group. What do you mean? What did you do for a living? He sold liquor, beer and wine.

He had no friends. That seems like a friendly world. Well, it was a social world. But he never, like, was like, I'm out with my buddy tonight. That's not like a thing. I think many dads. I think dads have a couple of buds, but they see them intermittently.

Most time dad at home couch TV. Right. Most dad at home couch TV. Get me to the bed. That was always my dad's goal. Even like, he wasn't even social with like, if I had friends over, I always tell my parents, I'm like, the reason I was like, you guys are the worst hosts of all times.

My mom, the minute you'd walk in, take off your shoes. You just walk in with your shoes on? And then my dad's hiding upstairs like he's haunting the place. So like I stopped bringing friends over. I was like, why would I ever, it's always uncomfortable. Right. And it's like, I told them all the time. I'm like, I'm a good house guest because of how uncomfortable you made anyone who walked in our home.

Maybe it worked. It kind of worked. Again, like, you can't work. You know, you want a kid who can do drugs and play sports. But you can't parent. You can't like try to do that. You know, they tried. They were horrific.

And I love them. but like now if I stay at someone's house I'm like I have a towel with me at all times wiping under my feet every time I take a step because I'm so used to like my mom yelling at me and where would you grow? You didn't grow up.

I'm from outside of Boston. Right. Need them. When you guys moved out, when did you make the shift to Florida? So my parents moved in 2016. They were doing like Snowbird. And then they were like, now they're the mascots for Florida.

They love Florida more than any. anyone's ever love Florida. They would hug Ron to Santas as they go. Most old Jews, they go down there. That's heaven on earth. Heaven. Yeah, they love it. They love it.

They stay through the summer. They don't care. They go, it's not that hot. People complain. They got AC everywhere. It's fucking hot. And about a year, a couple years ago, they were like, why don't you move down here? And I'm like, I like New York.

And I was, they're like, what are you doing up there? And I'm like, I'm working. You know, like, I go to the cellar. I do my podcast. And they're like, you can just. go and do that anytime you want and have a nice place here and go on the road from here. And I was like, you know what, let me, and I was living in like a studio apartment like the size of this. I had no, you know, I wanted some life.

Were you in Manhattan? I was in Manhattan in the West Village. And the West Village kind of got young on me. Well, it's very young. It's very young now. But like when I first moved, I was in New York 18 years. When I got to New York, the West Village was the goal. That was where adults lived.

Right. And now it's like where people start. and I was kind of like, NYU students. Yeah, and it's like, and I kind of felt like an old guy. I was drinking too much. I was just like drinking on the way home from the cellar every night. Is that bad? It was great.

I loved it, but I was just like, I think I was avoiding shit. Sure. I was like, I think I was using alcohol to like, just like, kind of just like not deal with some shit. And so I was going back to my apartment and I was in this studio that like I loved. But I'm like, what is this? Is this what I want the rest of my life to be? And then I was like, all right, let me move. I'll move.

I can always come back. I get down to Del Rey Beach. Del Rey Beach, people from out of Florida, like the rest of the country is like, oh, that's where my aunt, who's 100 lives. And they're like, and everyone thinks it's old. Everyone in Florida thinks Delray Beach is young. So it's kind of a perfect mix.

This is the Ferris Bueller theory. Right. Nobody knows how old anybody is. Nobody knows. And Atlantic Avenue is. like, I compare it to Manhattan Beach. I would say Delray Beach and Manhattan Beach are a lot of like in the sense that's... That's very young.

Right. There you go. You live here. You think it's very young. Yeah, Manhattan Beach. If you went down to Manhattan Beach, that's like a young guy's paradise. Right. Young singles paradise.

Or young, newly young couples. That's like a, that's typically what's down there. I would say, and it's also off to the side of L.A. It's not in... Oh, it's definitely not L.A. No, it's 100% not L.A. No, it's 100% not L.A. And I had buddies that moved there after college.

And I was like, this is like, saved by the bell. This is unbelievable. It's awesome. That's why it's not LA. It's its own world. It is its own world. So Delray Beach, I would say, like, it's not West Palm. It's not Fort Lauderdale. It's not Miami.

And I was like, this is kind of cool. I like this. I can fly in and out of West Palm. And my parents being close, like, where else was I got to move? Like, I could have moved. L.A. wasn't for me. You know, when I'm here. You don't like it.

You're like Seinfeld. He hates it here. I don't hate it here. See that fucking interview he just did shitting on that. Really? It's all this guy does. fucking shits on LA. This place made him and this guy fucking dumped on it. He did a whole thing

about it. He must have lived here when he did the sitcom. They shot at fucking CBS Radford right there in Studio City. I think it's like if you don't give yourself to hear, I could see how the first couple years in LA it's uncomfortable. Yeah. I could see how also once you're like moved in, it's like the best. You know your

area. If you settled, it's great. It's great for settling. And I think New York is great to like the first couple years, you're going out every night. And then when you settle down, you're like, I'm either, you can only be young and uncomfortable or rich enough to be comfortable in New York. Right.

And I'm not either of those things. I like to be comfortable and I'm not rich. You're cruising the middle. Yeah. So Florida, dude. Florida, baby. And so I moved down there. I was single at the time.

I'm like... You got somebody now. Now I'm dating. I'm in a relationship. I'm in love. I'm in love. I don't care. Who is it been?

since January that we like reconnected we dated before oh wow you went back to the well she came to me okay did let's get her on the show next week right she'll explain she and I dated

a few years ago and then I ended it because I was like I'm just not ready I have to commit to this or we like we have to like move to the next phase or we have to end and I wasn't ready and then I was thinking about her a lot over the last few years And then I wrote a dating book, which is like crazy to even say out of my mouth.

But I wrote a dating book. A lot of reflection in the dating book. Listen, if you're, if you want to read about dating and laugh, it's a funny dating book. It's, I'm proud of it, but it was a lot of like, have you done the book thing? No, no, no, no. Have you been asked? No, no, no, no, no. Don't do it.

People know I don't read or write. I don't read. Yeah. And they were like, you can do it. And I was like, then they were like, here's some money. I was like, I could use that. I'll do it. I'll do it. Look, I know how to write now.

Right. And then they go, do you? They were like, I go do it. So I was like, the first minute I said, okay, I'm in. Who's the ghost writer? And they were like, you're a writer, you're a comedian. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I write all the time. That's how I go on stage. Every night I'm sitting by candlelight.

And then literally I made this outline for a month. You have to make a very in-depth outline. And then the editor's like, okay, page one, here we go. And I go to write page one. It was the worst week of my life. hating myself. I hated every minute. Finally, I get done with them in Denver. I'm at the Comedy Works, and I'm like, send.

And then 20 minutes later, the editor's like, yeah, we need a ghostwriter. I'm like, what the fuck? I just hurt my own feelings. I said I want a ghostwriter. Didn't talk to them for a month. And then they're like, hey, we need to do this. And then so we worked it out where I would tell the ghostwriter stories and answer questions for dating, and then she would turn it into a book. Amazing.

And it was great. Every morning I'd wake up to an email from the ghost writer, Taylor, and it was like asking me questions, and do you have a story for this scenario? And I was like, and I had them all. So this person was a good writer? She writes for John Oliver. She's a genius.

Well, don't say she's a ghost. We're not supposed to know. She's a ghost. Well, yeah. No, I want to make sure I'm up front. Yes, you credited her. She's unbelievable and funny and does stand-up. That was my requisite.

I was like, I want a woman. Taylor Tomlinson wrote your book. Taylor Tomlinson wrote the whole thing. It's unbelievable what this woman does. She's very talented, dude. She is. No. Taylor Kay, she's awesome and she's, I can't think we've become friends.

You know, and she's, and I was like, I want a female comic to write this with because I've always put my dating stuff through women. I want the debate. I want the, you know, I want to be told I'm an idiot so I can go, no, but think about this angle. Right. A lot of dating talk is done in silos and it's men being assholes. and it's women woo-wooing each other.

And both are not true. Right. So I was, that's why the book isn't successful. That's why I'm middle class, because I'm not a grifter. Get this, please buy his book. Buy my fucking book. No, go watch my special. Watch a special on Netflix first.

The special's free if you're already paying, you're already paying for Netflix. So just watch it. Or you might be on your parents Netflix. Who cares? Or my parents are on my Netflix. That's the exchange. You're on their. phone, you're on your next. Every day I get a call. Go to your email. Yeah, there's a code. Update the,

gotta get the code. Go to your email. So, don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad. I get it. I'm Siaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. I write the book.

I write about our experiences together a lot. So she texts me, I'm going to Philly, and she lives in Philly, and I'm like, and she's like, would you want to get coffee? And I've been thinking about her. I've been making these, like, I'll stop drinking. And then if I, hopefully when I stop drinking, I'll stop thinking about our relationship. I kept, I was blaming alcohol. And then I was like, I kept thinking about her.

and I was like, kept making, like, if this happens, then I'll message her. But I didn't want to message her and then go back again. I didn't want to end it again. And I would make me a dick. And she messaged me, and I remember seeing the message, I was like, fuck, now I have to do something. Yep. And we got together for coffee and just since then, just kind of. That was it.

And then she moved down to Delray Beachford. Well, we're working that out. That makes it sound like we're on the rocks. No, that first meeting I was like, oh, also I wrote a book about us Like, imagine the most horrific thing You could ever hear from an ex And she knew I had the book deal

But didn't know, she's like, so how's it going? I'm like, so, yeah, about that And she read it, she loved it, she was like, there's three stories about us And I was like, yep, she knew exactly And, you know, so And now it's been fun Like I really have enjoyed being in a relay

Long distance though A little bit of distance I'm trying to get Philly to Florida Philly to Florida It's a long way No one's ever done that trip before That's impossible Can't happen

Can't happen Can't happen Would you move to Philly for her? So That's the real question How much do you love her Would you leave Florida to go to Philly And then I'd have to be around those people

Go bird, Julie I didn't know Fucking enough of that shit dude I'm so tired of fucking hearing about Philly Are we champion Philly? Like Shane, all these Philly guys that I love. Yeah. And then fucking, I hear fucking Go Birds and all this bullshit again from

Fuck Off, shut up. Here's the pot. I'm so fucking tired of Philly. I'm fucking exhausted. You did it. We love you. Shut the fuck up. Shut up.

Yeah. It's going to get worse with the Rocky movie coming out. I know. Another one? Yeah, I play Rocky. I knew it. And that kid's going to win a fucking Oscar. Yeah.

He is. Call it here. Who? Who? Who? this kid who was in the he was in, what was the show, the offer or whatever and he's fucking incredible

and he's playing Rocky in this movie, I play Rocky. So it's like a prequel? It's like the 40th anniversary? What year is this? 50th anniversary. Is Stallone involved? Yeah, he produced it. Yeah. I love Philly. No, yeah. I fucking love Philly but they shove it down your throat.

Well, it's a thin line between and this is all fandom. You're a bear's fan. talk football with a football fan there's a line of like are we going to have fun and debate or are you going to try and like crush me and philly people don't a lot of people i went to pen state i know philly i know i love it's the best food town in the country like i'm i know you that's an insane thing to say it's the truth a best food town yeah it has the best has the most inventive chefs in better than fucking new york yes if new york it is cost prohibitive for a young creative chef to start something new.

It's too pricey. I'm just saying this is just facts. It has the best food. You're 10% dad right now. You're 10% dad. This is just fair. Great merch. Great merch.

This is just fact. There is no better food than Philly. There's no better food than Philly. The problem is the person who's the PR agent for Philly is, Go birds, cheese steak, whiz, whiz, that guy needs to shut the fuck up. Because you have the most inventive, pizzeria bedias, a ha. You know, I can go down the list. there's amazing food things happening

and it's because of not the people the people are garbage no no the people are good we love Philly we love the Philly I'm just trying I'm trolling you that's right through the screen so no but the New York it's just mathematics like you can't open a place in New York

unless you have 30 investors Philly you can go to like the you can go to Manny Unk and start a thing and people will come to you I think L.A. and Philly both the best food towns in the country. I was just going to say, L.A. is quiet. We're quiet. We don't get any rep, but I'll tell you the amount of, like, new spots that are here. It's unfucking real. This place has so much

good food in restaurants now, but no one cares about us. Well, it's the best produce in the country in L.A. Well, what's call comes from here? You're welcome for literally all of it. I, best Asian. All the Asian. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. I know you and Bobby Lee have a thing. You can't give Asians credit. No, we do have some of the best Asian food. The bet, I would say, you know, and then New Orleans gets thrown into the New Orleans does one thing well. It's the width of L.A. What does New Orleans do really well?

Well, the Creole, the saucy. New Orleans, to me, is like an... I don't like heartburn that much. Yeah, it's an anti-Semitic food they make that. It really is. All cream-based and spice. Not good for a Jew. No Jews.

Right. They basically say that with their food. Come on down to have some Creole, no Jews. Did she just say no Jew? What did she say? Sugar and the drinks. You have many bachelor parties? I spent half the time on the... toilet. I'm like, fuck this place.

I love New Orleans. I mean, Frenchman Street's great. But I go to a place and I like dig into the food. And I, and Philly's great, L.A. is great. Indianapolis is great. Indianapolis underrated some of the better...

It's a good city. Bluebeard and Indianapolis is one of the better restaurants I've ever been to. Hard to admit for me, but I was just in St. Louis. And boy, do I fucking... I hate to say that, but I love... You like St. Louis food? I love it. I love St. I know. I like St. I like St. I like St. I like St. I like St. Lewis has a place. I think it gets a bad rap because I'm from Chicago. Right. And we inherently

aren't supposed to like them. I fucking love it down there. It makes it easier there's no football there. Yeah. Because football is really like at the core of all like city. Baseball is my number one. That is. So it's hard for me. The cards versus the Cubs. Yeah, that's a forever thing. That's a for that that's

a problem. And also like I had recently connected with Joe Buck who's, you know. He's Mr. St. Louis. He's Mr. St. Louis. And he connected me with some other, you know, these young guys to go play golf with. And he was like, even though you're a... Well, I... You're Ferris Bueller.

This is Joe Buck on the line. Travis Kelsey. He's at the Taylor Swift wedding. I said to Joe Buck. I said to Joe Buck, I said, um, I was like, look, I respect you so much. And I have to hate you a little bit. Yeah. As a Cubs fan.

And he goes, get over it, dude. Get over it. And I was like, he's right. He's just, he's like, yeah, get over it. I was like, you're right. He's like, you're fine. Get over it. But that's a good sports.

fan that's the that's the line yeah that we're talking about where it's like he's the man by you fun about it he seems like yeah he's the man he's so he's such he's a cool dude yeah it's just so funny that in your sports brain it was always like my I learned from my dad we're diehard Cubs fans mm-hmm my dad's best friend yeah his father is a Hall of Fame white sock has a statue at whatever it's called whatever that dump on the south side it's called the cell now or the US cellular field whatever, I can't fucking, whatever it is in Chinatown. Come on, socks fans, relax.

You got the Pope. The Pope likes the fucking white socks. No, but his best friend's father is a hall of fame. So when we go down there, you know, his family is so well respected. It is amazing to see. And I will, you know, wear black. I'll wear black. Right, it's respect.

I won't wear socks hat. No, I wouldn't wear. I would never wear a Yankees at. But I'll wear black. Yeah. And I'll go. of the thing and I'm like my dad taught me that he's like you have to show the respect you're at the

house of the thing don't be a dick and I get it I was like oh my dad did that for years like if my dad went to a buddy like let's say my dad went to meet a friend in Detroit and you know in a business thing and they took him out to a Tigers game my dad would if he was like oh let me get you hat my dad would wear the hat with him just because

my dad's that guy he's like very affable like yeah I'm your I'm a guest my dad always had that in me so it's hard for but I've learned to just go, who fucking cares? Yeah, I'm a, it's fine. Listen, I've always been playing an away game. I went to college of Penn State.

I'm from Boston. Yeah, you've got to be a diehard Red Sox, I love the Red Sox, and I, my, you know, we went to games growing up and the Patriots, but then you, when you move away and you know this, you're living here, you have to be a national sports fan. You have to like sports. Yeah.

To like. I have to go to Dodgers games. I love baseball. Right. I have to go. And I would go and you'd have Philly. in Pittsburgh and those fans different types of brutal to be around. Yeah.

And I was like a Patriots fan and then my brother, now he's a coach for the Bears. So like he... Your brother is? Yeah, dude. We've talked. Oh, we've got to send you some stuff. That's right. That's right.

We did talk about that. My sister-in-law is a sports reporter in the Chicago area. What's her name? Ruthie Polinsky. She's the best. She does stuff with Ozzy Guy and all the time. Ozzy Guyon all the time. What a name, Ruthie Polinsky. Well, Ruthie Freed now. Yeah, you took the Polish away and made her Jewish? Get rid of that thing.

Let's help you out, kiddo. How many Jews do they take to flip a pole? One! She's amazing. She's greater work. She's from Chicago. No, she's from St. Louis. I was going to say, because Insky, Winsky, Minsky's are all... It's all St. Louis? Well, no, no. Polish is big Chicago. Right. There's more Polish in Chicago than in Warsaw. Really? That's a literal fact.

You can Google it. And that, by the way, we eclips that number 30 years ago now. But there's more Polish immigrants in Chicago than there are in Warsaw, Poland. Look it up. It's not true. It's not true. This is like when people... This is like when people from Scranton tell you that it's the biggest St. Paddy's parade in the country.

Warsaw has a population of over 1.8 million people. Nearly all of them are Polish. The entire Chicago metro area is about 720,000 people of Polish descent, and only a small fraction were born in It's a wives tale. How many people, if you says it on the internet, a wife's tale. The idea that Chicago's Bar-Polish people in the war is a myth. It's a well-known myth. It's that prevalent that it made it to the internet.

We've heard this before. There's enough blow-hearty. Who said it? How does that get to that place? That's like one drunk dude. One drunk dude. One confident drunk. That's who does this.

10% dad. 10% dad. There it is. That's the, that was Marilyn Manson removed a rib. Yeah, exactly. Chicago polls are probably around 182,064. It's so hot. Wait, 700,000.

What was the 700,000? 700,000. That's how many people are in Chicago metro area. 700,000. That's the total. 720,000. Is it really? That sounds so small. New York's 8 million?

No, not in Manhattan. You mean in a New York metro area? Yeah. No, Justin. Well, what would that? How does that? I guess, yeah, because. That doesn't make a.

The Chicago metro area has a population of 9.1 to 9.5 million. Okay. How can you say... So they're saying just the city center has 700,000 people? Or the city Polish, I think he's saying. Yeah, it's got to be polls, 700,000 polls. Oh, that is what it's saying. Yeah, dude, I've met about 600,000 Polish people in Chicago growing up.

This is one of the population numbers is like a baby's weight. I don't know. No clue. I have no... When someone's like, oh, the baby weighed this much, it's huge. I'm like, okay. Well, dude, I took an over and rose, the manager of the comedy store, because she had big baby because her husband's a big boy a big boy sure and I was like we took a bet

internally with some comics the over under was nine and a half 9.5 I think and I took the over and I think it was just at nine something so I just missed because I thought it'd be 10 for sure but so you know about a baby's weight no no I'm just saying I just he's such a big man right yeah well what did you weigh when you were born I have no idea this is 7-11 you got to know what were you have a sister eight and a half eight and a half you're a big fat still fat little boy do you have a sister Yeah, my sister was heavier than me as a baby. See, this is only stuff that, like I...

Oh, you're an only child. No, younger brother. I just told you. Are you listening to anything I say? No, I can't hear your word that you're saying. He, I think when you have a sister, she asks all these questions. Like, I think, like, because I noticed this with my brother and I, we have no knowledge of our family history whatsoever.

And then my brother's wife is, like, asking these questions. Now, my girlfriend's like, so who's this and how much did you weigh? And I'm like, who would ask these stupid questions? A woman. And it's all the sister. It's all the... How old is your brother? He's 37.

Is he good-looking? Harry looks like the after picture, and I'm the before picture. So Harry... It looks like I went on a GLP one, and I had a huge success. And he's... Harry's in shape. He's, like, the best. He's funny.

He's good-looking. He figured it all out. He is the best of my family. Well, you were the trial. You have a trial and error. Yeah, I'm all of the mistakes. Yeah, I'm total beta. You're the beta.

He's the alpha. He's the alpha. And, you know, I love going to the Bears games. I was at the playoff game. You know, I'm so. Who are you a fan of now, though? You still Pat's fan? That's the thing about being a sports fan and, like, being a homer.

Right. It's tough for me to relate to homerism now because I had to move. Like, I like the Patriots, but like, because I keep an eye on them because it's my childhood. But my brother went to the. dolphins and now he's with the Bears and I live and die with the Bears games because it's like that's blood that's my brother and it's funny when you tell sports fans I can tell who gets it and who doesn't when someone's like you oh and

you don't cheer for the Patriots anymore I'm like it's my fucking brother what are you talking about you know that's crazy no but that that's also because and this is not me taking shots a lot of times people with that attitude have only lived in one spot sure I'm not saying I know better right I'm just saying because you move you experience life differently and it just shapes the way you have to be as a fan when somebody goes, oh, you can never fucking da da da da da and you're like, dude, you've lived here your whole life. Right. You don't know what it's like to culturally have to re-assimilate to another place

where I have to go to fucking, I want to go to Dodger games. It's fucking fun to be a fan in a city where I've lived here for two fucking decades. Moving and traveling humbles you. That does humble the shit out of you. It does. And it's not, again, like I like that you said, You're like, I'm not saying I'm smarter than you because I moved. I'm saying I've been humbled because I moved. Yeah, my life experience just was, you just, your eyes open up to going, oh, shit, well, I guess, I guess this is just a, like, my dad is from the South. Right. Right.

He's born in North Carolina. Yeah. And then he went to school in Tennessee. And then he got a job relocate. He got a job in Chicago. So he became a Chicago family. Right. Right.

And it's not that he abandoned other things. No. But, like, he lives there. He raised a fucking family there. Well, then you start to. get to know players on the team in a different way. Like the Knicks right now, like the Knicks, I love Brunson. Like I, like, if someone was like, I hate the Knicks, I think that, like, as a personality,

that team was a lovable personality. And you have to be a sports fan to, you are not a sports fan if you can't understand that. Yeah. Like if you can't look at the Knicks and go, all these guys were like, you know, Brunson passed over, you know, like, and like all those guys, like even Carl Anthony Towns, like, he was kind of just giving up on a little bit. Too saucy, perhaps. Very saucy, he's salty. He's spicy.

It's spicy. Oh, my God. He's great. That whole team, Josh Hart, you know, like, they all just seem like fun guys. It's a collection of dogs. Yeah. And so you look at that team and it's like, I'm a Celtics fan, but I like, I totally was like hoping they would win. You know, like I wasn't.

Because your team's not in it at some point. And you go to one. game of Madison Square Garden, you're like, I get it. I get it. Oh, I get it, too. I was rooting for him, too. My brother-in-law, my sister got married to a diehard New York kid. So, like, yeah, dude, I was happy

to support. You're a phony in sports, if you're one of these, like, did you ever see the movie Celtic Pride? Of course. Right? Like, that generation of guy, I love that those psychopaths who would kidnap a guy just so their team could win.

Like, I get it. I get it. Like I grew up, I grew up with those guys. They are characters, you grow up and you go, that's a dangerous life. Right. This is insane to be that embedded in something. That you would like, you know,

fist fight in front of your children because you got an argument in a baseball game. When I see that now, I was young and I remember what, like the White Sox and the Cubs just played, we had the cross town. And there was a huge fight in the bleachers.

And they interviewed PCA about it on PMT. And he was like, yo, everybody loves a good scrap. Right. But also, come on, man, there's like kids around, like grow up. No, I went to a Red Sox game growing up. I was with my dad and we're sitting, like, behind the third base dugout. You know, my family used to have tickets to really great Red Sox tickets.

And you let him go? It was, they were like company tickets. Oh, man, you keep those. I know. Keep those forever. Three rows behind the third base dugout. Oh, my God. They were, like, sick.

And we used to go a lot. And I remember we were in the row and this guy next to us was like, stand up. Come on. He was like the section captain. Get up. Get up. And he just, there were these guys in front of us, and we're in a nice section of the game. They're in suits. He just takes his beer, pours it on the guy in front of him said. No, dude. And you're like, and I remember, like, being a kid just like, what is going?

You know, like, we're just like, this is unbelievable. And you, at that point, you're like, oh, that's guy poured a beer. Now we're thinking about it, you're like, the level of insanity to do that. Like, you're an actual crazy person. As a kid, you're like, this is funny. This is wild. Yeah. Now I'm like, oh my God, that person, we should have left.

Like, that was a dangerous person. It's a dangerous place. Right. Like, it is funny. I was in Texas. I've been, like, Austin and I was in an Uber. I remember this is that, like, I just turn into such a pussy. Like, I, the driver, she was drinking a bottle of water.

She gets done with a bottle of water. She puts her window down. She throws it out the window. What? And I was like, ah. And literally, I was like scared. I literally just took the seatbelt and put it off. That was my first move.

I was like, well, what else won't she do? Well, you're in her, but what are you going to say? It's her, you're at the mercy. What would you have said? Had you been a real adult? I would have some fucking balls. No. What would you have said?

What? There's nothing to say. Hey, man, that's not fucking cool. Hey. Mother Earth called. There's nothing dorkier than saving the environment. There's nothing dorkier than saving the environment. You could go, hey, that's not cool.

That's fucked up. Why would you litter? And she'd be like, get out of my fucking car. You're going to get another Uber. Fuck you. Whoa, we're in the middle of the highway. I got to get to get to get off at the highway. Get off at this exit.

You would have done that? No, but I would have said, so I know me. If somebody did, I would have been like, oh, what are you doing, man? I would have said, I can hear myself. He can voucher. I would be the guy to go, what are you doing? Why did you do that? Like, I chuckle my way through it.

This is why you're Ferris, I'm Cameron. Well, though. And then he'd be like, uh, fucking blah, blah, blah, who gives a shit, dot it on. And then, again, I'm not going to combat, but I would put it in their brain to go, oh, man, that's not fucking cool. Yeah. And then I'd be back on my phone because I can't change it. But at least the nugget in their head of like, fuck that.

That's a lame thing to do. I put on my seatbelt and I said, in my head I went, we're going to Uber Black for the rest of the trip. That was my only thought. Uber Black it is. I guess we're going to have to spend the extra money. I get off on giving people little nuggets of think about. I don't care if it ever changes it.

You did it to Mark Maren last night. He'll never put those shoes on again. Just a little nugget. He'll never wear those brown shoes again. Like a woman was running, I was in line, I was at O'Hare, I was at the airport coming back here. And a woman like is kind of frantic and she like basically cuts me and a few other people off. And then the woman next to me gives me a look like, you know, like what the fuck? And then I just go, excuse me, every, these, all these people are waiting.

are waiting and she was like you know and she's like trying to pretend like she doesn't know what's going on or whatever she's like okay and she goes to the back guy go it's not a big deal if you're in a rush go ahead but that you're a hero man that passive aggressive that passive aggressive if you're in a rush

go ahead makes her feel way worse than if I was like you fucking moron no no no no fucking no no you're a hero you did it in the right way you did in the classy way I just like to give people a little I'm the guy next to you here's what I am I'm the guy next year that goes Just a little head nod

I'll give you a head nod of support You do that I go Little fist in the air I'll give you a little head nod That's the amount because I'm the head nod guy I'm not gonna get out ahead But I'm gonna let you know That shit crazy

I'll give you that shit crazy nod Like are you good merch That shit crazy nod Sniff the grift I like drugs I'm just a marketing machine. You really are. You're very good. Listen, I spit it out, man.

I've never had successful merch in my life. I've never, we never did merch. Never did merch? I did merch like one time. I felt like you would be... No, we do bad friends, we do merch on the show. But we don't sell it live anymore. We did it one time, and I think we fucking hated it, right?

It was impossible to do. Just because we had to haul it everywhere. You had to haul it everywhere, and then I remember the one time I tried to do T-shirts, a woman was like, am I a large or a medium? and I was like, I'm out. I am not going to tell a woman whether she's a larger or a medium. Have your dad come and guess women's weight at the thing? Like a carnival.

186. Yeah, that's... By the way, when your father asked you how much you weigh, which is in his very new special, that's out right now, please go watch it on Netflix immediately. Please, please. I also make fun of Roblo. Oh, you do? I have like a 10-minute roblo.

A 10-minute bit about Roblo? Yeah. Do you know him? We met at the day... Well, then I don't say it, so people don't spoil it. Well, I won't spoil it, but I met and he goes, I go, because in the bit, I'm like, I will approach, I will let him know that I do this. I don't like making fun of people I would never meet. Are you not making fun of him or you, it's like, it's a.

I'm making fun. It's in good fun. Yeah. It's not. I know, like, this guy sucks. Yeah, you are. Well, he's, so I go, I'm not. It is in good fun.

Like, I felt comfortable going up to him going, hey, Rob, I talk about you on stage every. night and he goes you do the bit about Atkins I heard about it and I go that's my bit and he goes I heard it's hilarious so Because he does an actin's commercial Right yeah and I was like enraged As someone with body issues that is like

That kills me So I It kills you because you're like this guy never did Atkins He has no need for this This is not his people So I you never know we don't know the depth of Rob Loe I know enough It's kind of like when you read these articles

Brad Pitt admitted that he stopped drinking because he was like, I drank every day since college. I was like, what? Yeah. I like you more? Right. I didn't think you could be hotter and cooler. And he's like, no, I had to get sober because I fucking drank every day since college.

I was like, are you the hottest, coolest guy that's ever lived? He looked that good and he drank every day? Well, how about he got sober for a while? And you know why you read that article? Because now he's back to drinking. He's back drinking. And he's doing a whole PR tour about drinking. About how he's, it's cool.

Yeah, because he's the coolest guy live. It's the coolest fucking guy. Have you met him? I have met him once. I knew you fucking met him. Could you text him right now? No, no, no, no. Could you?

No, no, no, no. Just Joe Buck. Just Joe Buck. Joe Buck is my sports, Brad Pitt. That's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one. You could go to any Monday night football game you want.

Joe's the man. No, Brad, I don't know him. I don't. Do you have his number? No, no, no. You have his pants. What's the most famous person? You have his pants?

I do have his clothes. You have a lot of his clothes? Yeah, yeah. When he did Dave, he did an episode of Dave, Yeah. And the wardrobe, the head of wardrobe, who was the fucking coolest, she was like, after the shoot, we were like, the company move. And so everyone's getting their shit out of their trailers.

Because a lot of times you can leave your shit in your trailer, they're like, it's going to be the next location. But they were like, we're doing a big company move. Get all your shit out of the trailers. And I was like, fuck. So I'm like loading stuff in my car. And she's like, she's like, Santino. Your measurements are like exactly the same as Brad Pitt. She was hitting on you.

No, no, no. That's the craziest thing to say that. You know, you have the same-sized dick. No, no. I definitely don't. She's like, there's a missing bulge. Right. No, she was like, your measurements are the same.

He's 6-1, and I'm 200 pounds. I think he was 190-something. She's like, I'm a little bit bigger, weight-wise, but she's like, you're like almost the exact same measurements. And she goes, we bought all these clothes for Brad for the shoot. Like, it's so funny because he didn't. He did an episode of Dave? Yeah.

It's actually great. It's actually one of the, I think, one of our best. episodes we did on that show. Did you write for that show too? No but I mean I you know we write we wrote live. Of course you know like we kind of yeah that's a whole another story oh oh oh no no no there's no beef I'm just saying like yeah we had to create your own universe a little bit I got you I did very Dave Dave was very um collaborative I'm just saying like for me specifically I don't I can't speak for other actors but like Dave was very uh he there was no handcuffs on me like Dave was like you do you

do whatever you want. That's great. Yeah, it was very cool. That's fun. Yeah. Well, Jeff Schaefer was also the man behind the curtain. He was the Wizard of Oz. I don't know if you know Jeff, but no. He did Seinfeld, Kerb. He did fucking Jeff. I would, I, you got his number? Yeah. Jeff Schaefer? Oh, yeah. Jeff and Jackie created the show the league on FX. Do you remember that show? I love that show. Okay, so Jeff. I mean, that show, I just saw a clip from it the other day. I was like, and it was on Twitter or something. It was like, they don't make it like the league anymore. I'm like, I got to agree. That show was really

good. Yeah. Stacked. But, um, also male friendship. that show really showed it in a way that was like real. Oh yeah. Like those, the way those guys busts each other's balls. That was like a fantasy football friendship. Totally.

Well, it's because that's what it came. It was a real group that came. But Brad Pitt did our show. It was a great episode. And she was like, oh yeah, you're the same size. Long story short. She's like, we bought so much. They wanted to woo him.

He didn't ask for anything. By the way, I think he wore his real clothes on that episode. I think he wore his clothes that he wore his set. Yeah. Because you're supposed to be Brad in the wild. It wasn't like he was playing, he was playing him. Right. So she was like, hey, it's all double RL stuff.

You know double RU. Yeah. It's a ripple. That ain't cheap. Well, it's insane. And she was like, we have a fuckload of it. So I went in there. I literally, it was like shopping.

And she was like, she's like, just fucking take it. Just put in your fucking car. And she's like, otherwise, she's like, the studio's going to pay for it. And they think Brad took it home. Nobody cares. Right. So I just was grabbing jeans and shirts. So I never had the balls.

because I just when I met him I wanted to be like I have your pants on I wanted to be like I'm in your jeans Brad but thank you to Brad Pitt because they charge the studio for sure and the studio is never going to question Brad if he wants nine pairs of double

other pants are going to be like give him 10 if Andrew Santino was like hey FX could I get one pair of jeans they'd be like fuck you the bill will be sent you directly we'll take it out of your check no problem yeah it's gonna be minus

$1,500 for all that But he's back to drink again, which I'm... Go Brad, yay Brad. But it's very interesting to see what he has to do to be able to drink. Like, it is interesting to me that he needs his PR team. Like, if you decided to drink tomorrow... I'm doing it tomorrow. Today, probably later today.

All right. Well, if you decide, you'd have to have like... And you were known for not drinking. Yeah, it'd be a big deal. It's like, it's weird the world we live in that he has to like... He doesn't want to be caught at a bar, coming out of a bar, and someone being like, uh-oh. Is something wrong with his relationship?

It's like people just infer nonsense. People do also, if you speak about things on a podcast or in an interviews about sobriety, you could be accused of like co-opting the space to like get to a certain. You know, like, I think that's probably what he's going to get at. Everyone's journey's different, man. Everyone's journey's different. And what was the weight that you said to your father? You're going to have to watch a special.

That's exactly right. Go watch a special right now. 850 pounds. I'm so jealous. You're doing the whale too? I am the whale. My dad would love that joke Give a to him

He literally No my weight is the topic of every conversation of my family Is it really? It's all my parents are obsessed with my body What is that about Jewish parents And the whole fucking We're all, it's the body stuff It's all dismorphia

It's all Jewish shit It's all ingrained Yeah totally totally totally Every Jewish friend I have has a mom Who's like nagging about the About like anything It's very confusing I went home the other night

My mom goes take the food, take the food we got fried rice, there's extra in the fridge, I go to take it and then my dad goes Oh and do you want these ice cream bars? She goes, he doesn't need it. How did we go from take, take, take, take he doesn't need it? Like it's just, and that's the

push and pull of it all. Like, also your relationship is based on food a lot. In your family. I think a lot of Jews, like a lot of the hangs are food related. What type of food you have? It's a, you know, you fasted for your own Kapoor and then you get together for break the fast.

bagels you know locks all that stuff like it's all that reminds me of the curb episode where they had to fill in for that guy's funeral you know um they he he's with uh buckner and they're walking do you remember this and he's like and he's like we need he's like are you jewish he's like yeah he's like we need one more for the minion for the minion yeah and then he goes he goes is there food up there his first question is what they got to eat and none of it was good and buckner wanted like a oh god what did he want he wanted like a traditional Jewish just

he's like yeah but I want one of those and Larry's like let's go Bokner so good watch the special please go watch the special it's out on Netflix right now both of them are your

37 and singles on there no they took it off I was on the two year lease it's very nice me too yeah I took yeah they got me out of the least nothing feels worse in the entire world the minute my face got back on

Netflix I was like I'm back on the platform baby yeah it felt bad to have it taken down it's on my usual YouTube channel, you can watch it. That special, I'm proud of, this is me as a comedian. This is like, this is you. This is me. You're honed in. I'm, it is, I'm proud of it. It's about going to the beach with my parents. My dad asked me how much I weigh, and it's all about the millennial boomer relationship. Being on the family plan, my dad and mom, just our relationship. I did it for two and a half years on the road.

And like, families come out. I tell people, and I'm like, send it to your parents. Send it to them. Send it to them. It's fucking with boomers in a way that's loving, but also giving them shit. And the way we give each other shit. Yeah, we have to. Do go watch a special right now. Are you back on two or two? I have one date on my website. Hopefully there'll be more by the time this comes out. Yeah, go ahead. No,

but I'll be all... Just watch a special. Just watch a special is the most important thing in the world. Watch it, share it, and you can see my parents at the end if you get to the end, which... And we also want to say that we, after all the hub and bobbing, back and forth, we do love you, Philly, relax. Philly gets so... We best in the wrong city.

I told them they have the best food. I love Philly so much. I just, the GoBirds thing, I think, is it really irks me, particularly because I'm a Bears fan and we're just such a, we're such a struggle. It's such a struggle. You beat him in the playoffs last year. This is the thing about being a new Bears fan. I have to talk Bears fans off the ledge.

You can't. Good luck. I know. The stadium gets weird. It's fun to watch. We're moving to Hammond now, too. I wouldn't get it. Hey, I need to talk inside information off the podcast with you about that.

Your brother know anything? He weirdly doesn't, no info. Nobody knows. He's inside the submarine. It's like, well, I'll talk later. I just, it's funny to watch the stadium. Like, as a sports fan, I kind of know a sports fan vibe. Chicago people are ready to be negative right away.

Like, so quick to negativity. Well, historically, it's because we've been let down a lot. I know. It was like, but when Caleb threw that touchdown to, like, tie it up in the playoffs, I was in the stadium and everyone just went quiet. Like, no one would cheer. You can't believe it. It was a disbelief.

I have never seen anything like, I've never seen a full stadium just go, um, if we, where's the, where's the flag? Right. Where's the flag? We're waiting for something bad to drop. We're waiting. Chicago as a city is waiting for the other shoe to drop. We're like, all right, when's it going to, when's it going to happen?

Like when Chicago, when the weather gets nice, everybody's, let's go outside. They're like, it's going to rain any minute. Right. It is, there's a negativity there that is like, listen, I'm from Boston. Like, yeah, you guys have it. There's, yours is, is butted with racism and ours. There's a confidence. It's great day in the park.

I hope the blacks don't show up. Listen, that's not how my family did it. Us Jews in Boston stayed off and we hung out in Newton and Brooklyn. Yeah, you go to Newton. Get over there, Joe. Go back to Newton. That's right. Juton. Go back to Juton.

Watch the special. Watch the special about Netflix. Dude, thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. It's amazing. Thank you for making time because we had to reschedule this. And then he's flying out today. The Ferris Bueller of comedy.

The Ferris Bueller of comedy. We end the show the same way. looking at that camera right there and say one word or one phrase. Anything? Yeah, one word or a phrase. You could use a phrase of wisdom. You could say one singular word, whatever comes to your heart. We write to edit.

In here, we pour whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You only $5 for the whiskey. $75. Gingers, oh hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.