Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - JB Smoove

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

Santino sits down with JB Smoove to chat about making chewing gum illegal, broken foot road rage, going full time vegan, claiming cars as kids and swimming with sharks with Brad Paisley. COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! STAT HERO Daily Fantasy Sports betting You vs. the House (300% match) https://stathero.com/whiskey SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off! ROMAN - Get help put the boost back in your rocket 🚀 fix your ED now with Roman http://getroman.com/whiskey for $15 your first order HELLO FRESH Americas number one meal kit!!! Get delicious food sent to your front door ready to be cooked by you! https://www.hellofresh.com/14whiskey Get up to 14 free meals! Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. We got another good one for you today. My man, J.B. Smoove is on the show. Man, is this dude so funny, so full of wonderful energy. He's so cool, so, so funny. Like, beyond one of the funniest people I've ever talked to in my entire life. I love him. I'm a big fan. Also, by the way, we didn't mention it on the show,

but I want you guys to go listen to his podcast, May I Elaborate? Daily Wisdom from J.B. Smoove, available wherever you get your podcasts. Also, ladies and gentlemen, I'm on tour. It's official. The Tito Chito Tour is here. The Tito Chito Tour is here. I cannot wait to come and see you guys.

I'm doing Denver, Nashville, Boston, San Francisco, Cancun, Columbus, Pittsburgh, New York, Grand Rapids, Philly, San Diego, Phoenix, St. Louis, Kansas City, Chicago, Albany, Foxwoods Casino, Seattle, Portland. I'm everywhere. I am out there. AndrewSantino.com for tickets. AndrewSantino.com for those tickets.

I cannot wait to come see you. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode with JB. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilist. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. Ladies and gentlemen, it's J.B. Smooth. Yeah! And you know what? And you've got to say that. You've got to say, you know,

when you say a statement like that, you have to show respect to everybody else by saying, I know I say that all the time. I say it all the time. But I mean it with you. See? More than anybody else. Now, you can't move forward by saying

I mean it with you with anybody else. Right. Then you're cheating on me.. Right. Then you're cheating on me. I know. Then you're cheating on me. See? I don't want to cheat on you, man. I want you to keep digging a hole. I know.

Because the more you add to it, the deeper of a hole you're going to dig yourself. And then you're going to dig yourself out. Yeah, I don't want to dig myself out. All right, so let me pour you on something. How about let's do- What's good? Well, this is really good. I like this Eagle Rare.

Let's do this. Let's try this. Okay. Make sure you pull this close good. I like this Eagle Rare. Let's do this. Let's try this. Make sure you pull this close to your mouth, by the way. And see? Yeah. Now we're opening a brand new bottle. Yeah, we have to. See, I know.

But I'm saying, see, other people haven't tried that bottle yet. No, this is not for other people. See, I'm feeling more and more special. See? See what I mean? It's customary for me to pour it for you. That's why I mean, you start digging a hole for yourself. Well, you tell me how...

You say when. Say when. People always say that, too. I's why I mean, you start digging a hole for yourself. Well, you tell me how, you say when. Say when. People always say that, too. I love when people say, say when. Say when. Good. Okay, perfect. Good.

I love. I should have said, say good. People should use say when more often. Yeah, say when. Like, you know what? McDonald's has great fries. Mm-hmm. People want more of those French fries without buying an additional pack of French fries.

They want to, when they put in them fries in that little sleeve, they should turn around and say, say when. Say when. Say when you want more. See? Say when is the greatest phrase ever. Say when. Just let me know. Just let me know.

When you want me to stop. Do you want? The same thing when you're getting a soda. You're getting a drink. A soft drink. I tell them, give me a large Coke and a small glass. That's what I tell them. See?

See? That's the same thing as saying, say when. Say when. That's say when, man. Yeah, just say when. All right, pour a little bit of that in there. Give me a little cheers. Oh, man.

And you look me in the eye. This is an old Irish tradition. Cheers. See? That way we know we're friends, not enemies. Because you don't look your enemies in the eye when you cheers. People don't do that enough. You know what I mean?

That's how you know who really likes you. People don't do that enough in life. Yeah. You know what people don't do it a lot? Road rage incidents. They look at the person's, where they're going to punch them at. Right. That's why they look right at the ear, the lip, or the throat.

Right. They punch somebody in the throat. They stare at their attack button. Yeah. That's what they look at. the ear, the lip, or the throat. Right. You punch somebody in the throat. They stare at their attack button. Yeah. That's what they look at. Don't look at the person in the eye. No. They look at them in the throat.

Right. You see where they're staring. They size them up. Your weak points. They size them up. They size them up. Have you been in a road rage incident before? Oh, yeah.

One time this dude jumped out his car. I was towing something. And, I mean, look, when you're towing something, sometimes you don't see your blind spot. How could you? I started going over. He hit his horn and swerved a little bit. Then he slowed down and got behind me. So I got off the highway.

I said, let me get off the highway. I pull off the highway on the exit. This dude pulls past me and in front of me and hopped inside his car with a broken foot. Not his driving foot. His left foot. His left foot. Yeah, his side foot. His side foot.

He hopped out. I saw the foot come out first, right? Then he started yelling at me. I said, hey, man, look, man, you see I'm towing something. I'm going to break both of your feet. You should have let me get in. First of all, you saw me signal to get over. I'm trying to get off right here, man.

I almost missed my exit. This dude tried to give me a hard time, man. So then here's what I made good. Here's what I made the choice of eye contact. Or he said, man, I'll kick your ass, man. You watch where the fuck you going. I said, okay. And I just looked at his foot.

I looked at that broken foot. And I cast. Yeah. And I said, man, you don't want to do this. No, okay. And I just looked at his foot. I looked at that broken foot, and I cast. Yeah. And I said, man, you don't want to do this. No, man. I'm breaking both of your feet. Then he looked at his own foot and got his ass back in his car and drove off. See how life is sometimes? Yeah.

See? Is this L.A.? L.A. has the most road rage incidents in the world. Why is that? Why? We got too much congestion, and we didn't do this right. We didn't do the city right. It is what it is. we didn't do this right. We didn't do the city right. It is what it is.

They didn't build it right. It's the infrastructure of everything. They did not build it right. Well, you're from New York, right? NYC all day. They built it right. How come we didn't copy that?

I don't know. They figured it out. I mean, New York is congested, but it's also, they built it so insular so you can take public trans. We don't have any public transportation here.

You can't take it. We don't have public transportation here and there's no way of getting around. You can try. I tried it when I first moved here. so you can take public trans. We don't have any public transportation here. You can't take it. We don't have public transportation here, and there's no way of getting around. You can try. I tried it. When I first moved here, I used to take the bus. Here's the problem. It's a mixture of people who are going to do something and people who ain't going to do shit. See?

That's why it's so much traffic. You got people who are literally doing nothing and going somewhere to do nothing and hang out somewhere, fuck around and go to the beach. Those people are going somewhere to have an afternoon lunch and mix with the people who are going to fucking work. That's the issue. That's why so many people congested. Now, in New York and the corner of Manhattan, everybody's going to the city to work. They got somewhere to be. They got somewhere to be. They got somewhere to be.

And something to do. That's the difference. Yeah. There's not many people in there who ain't doing shit. That's true. We have so many people that are going somewhere to do nothing. And people who are going to the beach to fucking fly around on one of those goddamn motorized gliders or some shit like that.

Yeah, yeah. You ever go to the beach and see that motherfucker flying by? No. You're like, what the fuck does he do for a living? Oh, yeah, with the fan on the back? With the fan the fan on the back that do what does he do for a living? Does he do where he has all this time to do nothing to nothing through the sky on a Wednesday afternoon? This guy at least be pulling a banner see right something a job something. Yeah selling something selling something Brighten someone's day.

Right. Say, hey, what's up, beach goers? I love you, Maria. Hey, beach goers, enjoy your day. Right. Right. Spread some love if you're going to waste everybody's time. Fuck yeah. You flying around? If you're flying around, you should be pulling something positive behind you. Fact. That's a fact. That's a big fact.

If you're flying around, you should be pulling something behind you. Mm-hmm. That's a fact. That's a fact. If you're flying around, you should be pulling something behind you. Hey, let me ask you this. But you were born in North Carolina, right? North Cackalack. North Cackalack. That's what I say. North Cackalack. So do you still have family ties back there?

My dad is from the south. Oh, my town is loaded with my family. Oh, so they didn't all leave. A lot of them stayed. A lot of them stayed. Right. Many of them stayed. And I think only stayed. Right. Many of them stayed. And I think only a few left and moved to New York.

But then those who lived in New York all moved back to North Carolina. Would you ever move back? I can't say I won't because my roots are just, my roots are there, man. I truly love North Carolina so much, man. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. People ride love North Carolina so much, man. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. People ride past North Carolina all the time. They move to Atlanta or other places.

I always tell them, slow down, get some gas, and look around. Soak it in. 360, look around, and ride through town a little bit before you keep going. Right. You might like it. Yeah, I like it. My dad's from the mountains, like the Appalachian Mountains. Oh, I know that.

I drove through there a few times. I love it, man. Yeah, that's beautiful. Ooh, it's beautiful, man. But you don't want to get stuck in those woods. That's dangerous woods. You don't want to get stuck. See, I was driving through there doing colleges, performing at colleges back then, you know,

and this is before navigations on your phone. I'm talking about MapQuest. What are you talking about? Is this the 90s? Making a printout about MapQuest. What are you talking about? Is this the 90s? Making a printout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. MapQuest. I remember that.

That's when it was real. Yeah. It got dark. You're like, you're trying to see where the hell you're going at on that piece of paper. Right.

Forget texting and driving today. Mapping and driving was the hazard back in the day. Mapping was the hazard. We used to map and drive. Ooh-wee. Had that map unfolded in your lap. Trying to look at it while you were driving.

Let me tell you something, that was real right there. That was real. Let me tell you something, plenty of times man, I done so many colleges. Oh man, I done been in... Were you a NACA guy? Did you do that circuit when you were young? Ooh yeah! Yeah.

I did it for a long time. Would you ever go back and do colleges now or no, you only do theaters and that's not for you anymore? I wouldn't, man. I think the college student, their sensibilities are different now. I think back then, when I was damn near their age, I think it felt better. Right. Because I felt like we had something in common.

I could talk about certain things. But once you... You're grown. Yeah, you can't. It's hard, right? You can't compete with those funny kids. Those kids are hilarious. Right, internet kids are taking over.

They're taking over. They laugh at different things. Right. They do this in their sleep like it's nothing. Right. Tick-tocking the hell out of the world. The world is tick-tocked. Are you tick-tocked out?

You know what? I am not on tick-tock like that. Yeah. I might scroll through a few videos once in a while. You should be on it. You'd be so good on TikTok. I don't know, man. I'm thinking about it. I gotta think about that one. Are you on tour right now? I am actually, you know what? No. I go back on tour. My first gig, I think it's in September. So I'm just getting my feet back, you know, getting my bearings back because I have not been on stage in a year and a half. So even recently, you're not going up

to try to work out stuff anyway. I have not yet, but I will. You will. I will eventually have to dive in and start, you know, getting my bearings a little bit. And I want to, I think... Do you work out here in the city? Do you work out somewhere in L.A.?

I'll tell you something. I have not worked out in the city in years. Because you just go on the road. I ride on the road. There's something about getting in my car, coming home, and driving past all that stuff, going to the Deep Valley, and having to get back in my car and go back down there just to do a show, just to drive back home again.

Yeah, not worth it for you. That's not for you. But you're also a busy man. You guys just finished shooting season how many? 11, is it? Season 11, Caribbean Enthusiasm, baby. God, man, that's crazy to me. I know, man.

You know what? When I first met Larry, man, you know, we were having a conversation about when he was going to wrap it all up. Like when he wanted to be done with it? Yeah. So I told him, I said, look, man, you got to decide what your number is. You know, I'm going to tell you, when we talked, it didn't seem like he would make it to 11. Really?

Back then. Why is that? I think it's just a lot of work. It is a lot of work. It's a lot of work to do. Thus, the five, almost six years off, you know? Yeah. He did his play, Fish in the Dark.

He did a movie. He did Fish in the Dark. He did a few other things he did. Did you think you would never come back after that break? Did you think, oh, this is it. We're not coming back. You know what? I'll be honest.

It went so fast, I think because I was busy. Right. I didn't think about it. I couldn't tell the difference between our normal year or two off and our five years off

because I was busy also. Right. You know, and I think I was so busy that I didn't realize it was five years. Because it flew by. It flew by like nothing.

And I went to see Larry's play. I was in the movie with him. So it's like one of those things where it's like, it went so fast, man, those five years. And by the time he really realized that it's been five years, Larry called everybody back. But you know,

it's kind of one of those things. When you have fun, you want to make sure everybody's available. He's calling everybody.. But, you know, it's kind of one of those things. When you have fun, you want to make sure everybody's available. You know what I mean? He's calling everybody. You guys, is everybody free? Everybody available? You know? You would have dropped what you were doing to go back, though, right?

Oh, man. If you were busy, you'd be like, I got to go do Curb. It's a hard call. Yeah. But I think he ended up shooting around everyone. Like what everyone was schedule-wise. Yeah. Because Garland, you know, I know Jeff well,

and he was the Goldbergs, takes up so much of his time. And I think Ted has his own stuff going on. So I think so many people have so many things going on. That has got to be impossible to coordinate. It's got to be impossible. It's an 80s nightmare. That sounds like a nightmare. Thus, we shoot all around.

Everyone's schedule. We do episode one, like a nightmare. Thus, we shoot all around. Everyone's schedule. Jump around. We do episode one, episode 10, episode eight, episode five. Back to one again. Right. So it's like all over the place. Well, that's why I did last season, and we did a scene together, me, you, and Larry in the bathroom.

And I think initially, I didn't even know if you were going to be in it or not. And then you were there, and you were like, well, I might as well do it. And you had one of the best lines in the fucking scene by far. You said, my Johnson's so long, a girl gave me a wedgie with my own Johnson one time. It was insane. A girl gave me a wedgie with my own Johnson. That's how long it is. That killed me, man.

That's a killer. That was an absolute sniper move. You have to visualize when someone says something like that to you. I see it. You got to see it. You got to visualize it. I see it getting yanked. You got to see it getting yanked.

And you got to see the guy go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey. How do you think Larry, what was the moment where you think Larry and you kind of connected comedically, rhythmically? Like, what was that thing that you were like, you know what? We really are. You're two very different individuals. Yes. The way you write, the way you act, but the way your comedy clicks,

it's like when a Lego fits into another Lego, and you're like, holy shit, that's perfect. Man, let me tell you. It truly is. I saw, it's so funny, my whole story about getting on Curb is I was a huge fan of Curb. My wife actually told me I was going to be on Curb. You know, we were watching the show together. And I said, baby, I want to be on this show.

I would love to be on this show one day. She said, you're going to be on that show one day because you, I could see you and Larry together. Wow. She said, I could see you. I could together wow said uh i could see you i just you say crazy stuff all the time and he watching the show it's a certain kind of humor and freedom to the show that you can't get in scripted shows right you know and when we went out digging on the show our first day working together, it was in between the scenes. We had just shot the stain in a blanket episode.

Yes. And Larry said, man, it's weird. He said, it feels as though we've been working together for years. Oh, wow. Isn't that crazy? That's deep. I said, we have, man. Somehow, I don't know how it works, but somehow you attract energies.

And if you're patient enough and don't step on toes and don't burn bridges, somehow you end up with the opportunity to meet that person, you know, whether it's just a chance meeting or whether it's somehow you got put there, you know, and you match messed up with your work ethic, with your patience, so you don't burn bridges or step on toes. And all these little nuances. Your talent.

Your preparation. Your level of talent is obviously so high that he respects you and appreciates your abilities. I think, yeah, that's that golf swing. You know, I'm going to tell you something. I ain't shit in golf. My golf game is horrible, but I can still use the golf analogies. Right.

I can't swing, but I understand the game. Yeah. Some people can't do the shit, but they got to say it. Right. It's just a perfect thing to say. You know what I mean? Right. Shit, I can't bake a cake, but God damn it,

you open that door before it's done, that shit going to fall. You see? I got a perfect thing to say. You know what I mean? Right. Shit, I can't bake a cake, but God damn it, you open that door before it's done and shit gonna fall. You see? I got a flat ass cake. That's right. But it's like the golf swing. You know, I've been doing this, performing in this form, improvising in my standup so long.

Yeah. Like, I actually won an award in New York Comedy Awards for best impromptu comedian. Because that's the only way I know how to perform. And I've always performed for the microphone I have, for the stand, for the type of chair I got, for the wall behind me, for the curtain behind me, for the size of the stage, for the microphones, power, all these little things determine what I'm gonna do that night. Wow. You ever get on stage and you got a mic, well, you just tap it, and it's like,

like, ooh! It's real hot. I'm doing this joke tonight, you know what I mean? And you know the bits you can do because of power. Oh, the stage is small. I know, I gotta paint a picture. Right. I gotta lay this stage out in my mind, what's here in my head for the bits a picture. Right. I got to lay this stage out in my mind. What's here in my head for the bits I do? Right.

And how close the audience is to you determines a lot because you can refer to someone and everybody sees the person you're referring to. So you nitpick all these things. Oh, I have to. You overanalyze all this stuff before you start your set. Whether it's on stage or whether it's on curb, I got to analyze how I'm going to lay this shit out,

you know, because I did it. I was on stage one night and it was a curtain behind me and I literally did, like, 15 minutes. Like, I break rules. I turn my back on the audience.

I don't give a fuck. I turn my back. I do all kind of shit. One time I went behind the curtain and did 10 minutes behind the curtain. Just fucking around. Because I did a bit where I was talking about how sometimes it's hard to order food in like a Chinese restaurant.

And I did this whole bit where I ordered some shit that they don't sell. And I wanted to see if they could make it. So then I did this whole bit where I played the chef, I played the dude taking the order, and I played myself. You're all of your above. And I played somebody else coming in. Ask them, it's taking so fucking long. You know what I mean?

I played all these characters, and I kept running through the curtain and saying, I'm going to check for you. And I kept running behind the curtain talking to the chef about, can they make this? Right. What I'm asking for. Right. You know what I mean?

And he'd come back out again to get more information about what I want. And he kept, one minute, and he kept going back and literally I was behind the curtain

for 15 minutes fucking around. But it's all, that's for you too, right? Like that's more fun for you than anything. Oh, that's, I'm fucking hollering

because I know, and then once you hear them laughing in your ears, you know, it's like, wow, how the fuck did I do that? It's almost like you're creating this world that you've already laid out. And people are fucking losing it because it's relatable. Same thing happens on Curb. When we do it, you know, you get into the scene, and see, I got to make my mind up two things I give Larry.

One thing I give him something he didn't know about me. So me making that statement, my johns are so big, I had a lady give me a wedgie, is more information that he don't know about. So when you do that, it puts Larry on his heels because it's some shit that he don't know about. So when you do that, it puts Larry on his heels because it's some shit that he didn't know. He got to either shoot that shit down and say, come on, that didn't happen, or whatever.

But the decision I got to make is, one is I try to give him something he didn't know about Leon's character, and two, I try to decide if I want to be on his side or go against him. Yeah. And that's the number one thing when you're dealing with improvising is you create a wider scope if you either go against him or with him. You don't go back and forth.

You pick your lane and stick with it. You either argue against him or with him. You don't go back and forth. You pick your lane and stick with it. You either argue against them or with them. Right. You know what I'm saying? When you guys are on the same, when you guys are arguing together, it's almost hilarious. You're almost arguing, but you're arguing the same positive point, or you're yelling about the same positive point.

When you talked about one of the funniest things always to me, and we don't talk about Curb the whole time, but when you said, get in that ass, eat Snickers, throw garbage, eat Snickers, throw garbage, when you said you got to get in that ass, and he got excited about getting in that ass, it was maybe one of the funniest back and forths I've ever seen because the rhythm was perfect. You gave him the confidence.

You slowly watched him build it. He received it. You kept pumping him up. He understood it. You pumped him him up. He understood it. You pumped him up. Then he got into it, and then he started to go, yeah, I'm going to make a mess. You're like, make a fucking mess.

Make a fucking mess. Fuck this whole asshole up. Yeah. That was so brilliant because it was so funny to watch you guys get on that same line together. And what makes it even work more is, because the show is improvised, Larry didn't know what the fuck getting that ass was.

He doesn't know what that term means. Hell no. No, I know. The first take, he was like, I could look at his face. He was like, his eyes, his knot in the head. Right. He didn't know what it was. You can feel that.

I can feel it. You can feel it that when you said, you got to get in that ass. And he was like, get in the ass? He was asking you. He was asking You can feel that. I can feel it. You can feel it that he, when you said, you got to get in that ass. And he was like, get in the ass? He was asking you. Asking. What is that? Is that what I do? Do I want to do that?

Exactly. It's like, you know, it's like selling the Brooklyn Bridge. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If you're a good salesman, you can sell that shit to somebody. You know what I'm saying? You see those cartoons?

Somebody's selling the Brooklyn Bridge? Shit, man. If you're a good salesman, you can sell that Brooklyn Bridge, man. You got to be a, well, that's, but also that's a part of, that's kind of a part of the chemistry of good improv comedy on shows is you got to be a good salesman of bullshit because otherwise no one's going to buy it. Like, were you, like, did you work a lot of weird odd jobs on your way up in comedy to kind of give you balance to learn how to sell your act and sell yourself? Yes, man.

What did you do? I had several jobs. My first job was I was a perfumer. Here, pull this close so I can hear you. Perfumer. It's hard. It's weird, but a perfumer. Selling perfume.

Fucking making perfume. Making that shit, man. I was a perfumer. Wait, you made it. Not a perfume salesman. I was a perfumer. Howelling perfume. Fucking making perfume. Making that shit, man. I was a perfumer. Wait, you made it. Not a perfume salesman. I was a perfumer. How do you make perfume? I'm so dumb.

Shit, man. Let me tell you something. My first job, I was in high school and now I wanted to be on the wrestling team. So I talked to my counselor

maybe a week or two earlier. So I'm looking for an after school job. I wanted to buy a car. Everybody in high school wanted to have their first car. So I'm looking for an after school job. I wanted to buy a car. Everybody in high school wanted to have their first car. So I wanted to buy my first car. So I said,

I need a part-time job at the school to save my money and get me a car. So I said, you know what, because I'll be a senior next year. I want to have my ride in place.

So then I messed around and I also wanted to be on the wrestling team. So I went to my first day on the wrestling team. I mean, I'm literally on my full, on full, you know how you do that little. Got on a four. I'm on fours. How much do you weigh, by the way, at the time? Oh, shit.

I might have been 105 or something like that. And how tall? Six feet tall in high school? Yeah. I spurted up in 11th grade. Okay, so you... I just got 6'2 out of nowhere. It was weird.

Weird shit. 5'4, 6'2. Like, it was crazy. I might have been like 5'9, 5'6, 5'7. Oh, shit. Bam! One summer. I was 6'2.

Damn near 6'3. It was weird. So I'm on my fours, and I'm literally in the wrestling stance. You know what I mean? You know how to hold your arm, hold your waist? You know, the stance. And while I'm about to, the coach was about to let us wrestle,

my counselor walks in the room. I said, Jerry Brooks! I said, hey, hey! You know, she said, oh, I know you applied for an after-school job. Something came in. I got you an after-school job. So you have to make your mind up if you want to wrestle or take the job.

I was like this, oh, man. I'm in a full wrestling outfit. You know what I mean? Shit all baggy on me. You know what I'm saying? I'm like a buck or five. How you got loose spandex? This shit's crazy.

So I'm like, okay, let's make this happen. I said, you know what? I'm going to take that job. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, are you looking to turn your cool idea into a website? Are you trying to publish something online? You're trying to sell something? You want to just put some cool art up there that you've made?

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And remember, get started today, and you'll save $15 on your first order of ED treatment. Go to GetRoman.com slash whiskey now. Ginger. I like gingers. Walked my ass right out of there, man. Went to that job. Man, my boss at that time, he was like 75 years old, Italian guy. Short, dude. Fucking short as fuck, man. Like, I don't think he's right on the borderline of...

Of legal little person? Legal little person. Right. He's like right there. But this dude knew everything, man. And you meet an old dude like that, old Italian dude like that, who knows how to make perfumes and knows, man, this dude was fucking amazing. He would sit there and teach me literally how to make perfume.

And this was where we're out of a shop, out of his house. Where was this at? Factory. In New York? A small factory. He had a small crew of people, like maybe five people, four or five people. Because he would make the perfume.

He would package it, label it, everything. Ship it. I did everything. I knew every job. What was the name of the company, of the perfume company? Oh, Denard Perfumes. Denard Perfumes.

Denard Perfumes. Is it still there? Nah, that's fucking shit. 30 years ago? Either that or that motherfucker's 140 years old right now. He might be. Shit. Those old Italian dudes, they don't die.

They don't die, man. So he taught you every single step of the process. Man, I mean, beakers, measuring how many drops of lavender and fucking all these. Oh, man, it was just amazing. Right. The process of it, how much alcohol, the percentage of alcohol that goes in it, the mixing of it, you name it, man.

And we would fill these bottles up, fucking thousands of bottles at a fucking time with this machine, fill them up, cap them, cap them, cap them. And back then, all I had on the radio was the Howard Stern Show. That's when Howard was on AM radio. Right. And all we had was the AM radio in that bad boy.

Because he old school. He had a little AM radio, and I would turn the AM radio on while I was working and listen to Howard Stern's show, man. Really? Fucking crazy. That's wild. AM radio. That's how long ago it was.

Wow. WNBC? WNBC. WNBC. That's wild, man. Really? Fucking crazy. AM radio. That's how long ago it was. WNBC? WNBC. That's wild, man. Early Howard days, man. That was the only thing that kept like, I always loved talk radio because it kept your mind engaged. Sure.

It always, because you always had a thought. You always had an opinion. All that comes into play while you listen to talk radio. It didn't matter what kind of talk radio it was. I always loved talk opinion. All that comes into play while you're listening to talk radio. It didn't matter what kind of talk radio it was. I always loved talk radio. And, man, that job was so cool. That was my number one job I had.

How long did you do that for? I'll tell you one thing that fucked me up, though. I don't know what it was, but the heat, the heat in that bitch was never on. I mean, I was working in my coat and shit, man, my gloves. I was like, man, goddammit, man. Turn this fucking heat on. And that was a big room, big-ass factory. Right. So I just said, man, this dude never had the heat on.

It's always like. Saving money. Yeah. He was pinching pennies. One day he was talking to me, and I could see the condensation coming out of his mouth. I was like this. Motherfucker, you ain't cold. I could see him. I said, man, I can't focus right now, man. You got condensation coming out your mouth, man. It's cold in this bitch.

He's in a t-shirt and shorts. He's like, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. Yeah. Holy shit, it was cold in there, man. Oh, my God. Was he an immigrant? Do you have a thick Italian accent? Yeah. See, those guys, They're tough as nails They don't give a shit I love that dude man He

You remember his name? Ray Marotta Ray Marotta Woo Denard perfume By Ray Marotta Called him Raymond Some people called him Raymond

Raymond Raymond and called him Ray Oh look at this Now that you know the science Would you ever Make J.B. Smoove perfume? Today? Fuck yeah I would would, man.

You should do it. Because I used to do a joke about how perfume, there's tons of colognes and perfumes out there. But they all ain't for you. Yeah, that's true. They're not all for you. Right. Because perfume, what I learned was, it mixes with your natural chemistry in your body. Correct.

You have a scent that's already existing on you already that your body works with. You know what I mean? That's why we all have certain scents of smell. Some people smell things, it's offensive to them. And some people are like, hmm, that's interesting. Yeah. See? And that's what perfume does.

When you put it on your wrist and you smell it, it's going to smell different on you than it does on me. Right. It's going to be a different potency of it. You know what I mean? Same thing with, this is a good example, same thing with gum. I always say this all the time.

Certain gum is not made for every breath. You feel me? If your breath is stomping and your breath is stinking, certain gum you should not use. Right. You should not use fucking Big Red. No. Big Red and bad breath don't should not use. Right. You should not use fucking Big Red. No.

Big Red and bad breath don't go good together. No, cinnamon gum does not belong in a stank mouth. Cinnamon gum does not belong in a stink-ass mouth. See? You need more like peppermint or spearmint. Spearmint. Spearmint for sure. That'll help a lot more with a stank mouth.

Spearmint fights your stink-ass breath. With spears. It's stabbing all that stank-ass breath. It's called spearmint fights your stink-ass breath. With spears. It's stabbing all that stink-ass breath. It's called spearmint. It's stabbing your breath odors and bacteria. Dude, that's so true. Whenever someone's chewing cinnamon gum, Oh my god. and you can smell their breath underneath it, it lights the fire. It makes it worse.

It's like you lit a trash can on fire. It's like stink lit a trash can on fire. It's like stink. It's like, it's like, it's like stink. Right. Stink ass fucking cinnamon. Like, what the fuck did you just do to this cinnamon gum? It is true. That's why I've been advocating this for years. You need a prescription for fucking gum.

Oh, wow. That's smart. You should not be able to buy any gum you want for your stink ass breath. Only certain gums should be sold to you. You should have a license for gum, a gum license. Fuck yeah. And you can only buy certain kinds of gum. And there's a difference between bubble gum and chewing gum.

Fact. Two different worlds. Right. Bubble gum is playing games. You play with bubble gum. You bought bubbles and shit. You chew that shit. You put four or five in your mouth.

It don't fucking matter. You got a big wad of that shit in your mouth. Chewing gum is for adults. Correct. Children should not have chewing gum in their mouth. They need bubble gum. And those kind of, they need bubble gum. Bubble gum, specifically for blowing bubbles and spitting out.

Chewing gum is like buying cigarettes. See? They shouldn't be able to buy it. A youth should not be able to buy chewing gum. They go to a 7-Eleven and say, I'm a two-pass of chewing gum, spearmint,

and fucking peppermint. He's like, no, no, come on. I need an ID. Show me some ID, pal. Show me some ID. Fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

You're too young to be chewing gum. There's plenty of bubble gum over there. You know what that reminds me? When I was a kid, I used to go buy my uncles or aunts or anybody cigarettes. We used to be able to buy cigarettes. When I was like 12, I could walk into a 7-Eleven with $10

and buy a pack of cigarettes and whatever else they wanted. You could buy anything back then. It would sell me anything. Yeah, you could buy liquor. It'd be like, it's for my dad. I used to buy beer for my dad and fucking a pack of Kool's. That's a black man's cigarette anyway. Kool's, man.

Kool's. Kool's were like the hip-ass cigarette back then. Kool's. Kool's, yeah, with a K. With a K. God damn. Remember that? You could buy anything back then.

Yeah. Because they trusted your ass back then. Winston. My dad smoked Winston. Winston, yeah. Winston's an old school. I don't even know if they make Winston's anymore. That's another cigarette my dad used to smoke.

Winston cigarettes. Winston's and Kool's. Yeah. Fucking Winston's. Did you ever smoke cigarettes? Never. Yeah. Never.

I think I tried it one time, and that shit fucked my chest up for weeks. Yeah. I couldn't get that shit out of my chest, man. It's nasty. Oh, it's horrible. I smoked for a little while, and then I had to wise up, give it up. I didn't like the way I felt. But, you know, I was doing it because young and cool,

and you're hanging out with friends, and then. Your mouth ain't ready. See, your mouth ain't ready for that kind of change. See, it's like smoking a cigarette is like drinking your first Heineken. That fucking Heineken is like smoking a cigarette. That shit is so bitter and so strong.

No disrespect to Heineken out there, but goddammit, Heineken, that's a grown man drink right there. You can't be fucking around. I had my first beer, man. I was standing in this party, man,

a little high school joint. Somebody had some beers. Man, I held that Heineken in my hand for the entire night. somebody had some beers man I held that Heineken in my hand for the entire night I think I went home with that fucking Heineken because the first sip

was so bad I said fuck and I didn't want to look uncool I just held it in my hand the whole time I carried that bottle home with me

I'm in the back seat still talking shit with the bottle in my hand it's like more than half full or half empty or whatever. But god damn it, man. That Heineken? Woo! That hit you.

That's like you ate a cigar. Or you fucking ate a whole cigar. Yum, yum. When was the first time you got liquored up? You remember the first time you really got drunk when you were young? Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, shit, man. We got fucked up one night, man. This is a funny story. I won't say who it is. Don't have to. I won't say who it was, but this is funny. So we went to our first. This is fucking hilarious.

So we went to our first bachelor party. High school dudes, man. 12th grade. My buddies, his uncle, no, his cousin was getting married. Okay. Cousin was older than us, fucking getting married and shit. He invites our high school immature asses to our first fucking bachelorette party. What are you, 17, 18 years old?

Bachelor party. Yeah. Yeah, easily. 18 years old. Yeah. Easily. Easily. One of our friends, oh my God.

This story is so fucked up that the person that it happened to doesn't even remember the shit. That's how fucked up we were. And when I ran into him, he said, what happened that night? I said, wait a minute. You don't fucking remember that night at all? He said, yo, I don't remember shit. I proceeded to tell him the story, and he was so amazed. He said, get the fuck out of here.

All that happened? So we go to this party. It was in the Bronx. So first of all, the Bronx is fucking loaded. You go to the Bronx after 8 o'clock, you can't find a parking space. People are triple parking, everything, double parking, because they all know each other in the fucking neighborhood. They know when they go to work, everybody's going to be able to get out.

Man, we had to park like a five or ten minute walk away from the fucking apartment building. We are literally walking through. We dressed up all nice and shit. My friend had an all white fucking all white outfit. White tuxedo shirt, fucking white pants, white shoes and shit.

He's overdressed for this shit, man. Had his hair all pushed back and shit. He's overdressed for this shit, man. Had his hair all pushed back and shit. I said, oh, okay, you're going all the way. And we all look decent, but this motherfucker looked like the good human man. Like, fucking split up ice cream man. All white. And like a surgeon or some shit.

So we get to the party, and his uncle had a bar. He had, like, a bunch of other older dudes there. Our young asses walk up in that motherfucking man. We brand new people. We ain't got no age on us at all. We walk in there, man. We're amazed.

All we kept talking about was our first bachelor party, man. As soon as he opened the door, the fucking cousin was mean. He was like, hey, come the fuck in. That's the first thing he said to us. We was like, oh,

get your young asses up in here and sit, hey, and sit the fuck down, man. We got the, we got strippers coming in about 20 minutes,

man. All right. Okay. Don't be Googling. Don't be fucking going crazy. Right. Be cool. Be cool.

Be cool. Sit down and be cool, crazy. Right. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Sit down and be cool. Man, we got in that party, man. He had snacks and fucking food and fucking alcohol everywhere. Man, we start drinking. We start making food. We start drinking beers and shit. And one of my friends, we just kept it easy. His ass decides he's going to go all out.

He's fucking drinking. He's fucking eating, he's just like down and shit. Yeah. He's a little weed. Right. He's doing everything. Right. I'm looking at him like this, like, dude, I think he's older than we think he is. You know what I'm saying?

That's how much shit he was doing. We like, this dude got way more experience than we got. Like, he's been here before. Right. You know what I mean? He's 18 but 30. He's 18 but 30. Exactly. We're like, God damn. Right?

So about half an hour passes by, and I sat on one end of the couch. He sat on the other end of the couch, right? I'm sitting there looking at him, and I looked over to him. He looked over to me. He said like this. His lip frowned downward. Uh-oh. And he said right and when i tell you he proceeded

to empty his fucking stomach his ass his fucking everything i think baby food came out his ass everything came out of this dude he ever ate i mean his whole life oh my god all over the couch I'm like this oh oh what the fuck man I'm like I just

I pretend I didn't see it I just like I said oh no you looked the other way all I kept thinking about was the cousin how mean the cousin was you know what I mean

right I heard what the fuck is wrong with y'all get the fuck out of here right he ran in the bathroom

right cause he was still she was pouring out of his mouth as he's moving as he's running it the fuck out of here. Right? He ran in the bathroom, right? Because he was still, she was pouring out of his mouth. As he's moving. As he's running, it's pouring out of his mouth. It's a mobile fountain. All I heard was,

wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. He ran, he closed the bathroom door. I said, and his cousin was like, if you young bastards don't get the fuck out of here, I'm going to kill you.

Right? And then I heard, I heard the doorbell ring. Bing, blong. And he said, get the fuck out of here. I'm going to kill you. Right? And then I heard the doorbell ring. Bing, blong. And he said, get the fuck out of here. Right? He hits the intercom button. And a lady says, we're here.

Oh, yeah. He said, you bastards. I told you to sit the fuck down. And the girls are coming upstairs. And then he said, get your boy out the bathroom. Get your boy out the bathroom. So I go to the, I said, get your boy out the bathroom. Get your boy out the bathroom. So I go to the, I said,

I banged on the door. Hey, hey man, we gotta get out of here, man. You fucked the couch up, right? And I said,

I'm coming in, I'm coming in. I opened the bathroom door. Man, it was fucking vomit on the walls, on the, in the bathtub,

in the sink, on the back. I don't know how you missed the toilet bowl. It's on the back of the toilet bowl, the fucking floor, the mats. No, it is vomit everywhere. I said, you motherfucker. I said, man, we can't even see our first set of titties. I said, you fucked this up for everybody. I'm so heated, man. We couldn't wait to see those titties. We couldn't wait, man, we can't even see our first set of titties. I said, you fucked this up for everybody. I'm so heated, man.

We couldn't wait to see those titties. Right. We couldn't wait, man. All we got to think about is we're going to see some titties. How exciting. 18 years old, 17 years old, we're going to see some titties. Finally. And this guy fucked it up.

Grown ass titties. God damn it. Not no fucking movie shit like Porky's or those dumb ass movies back in the days. I'm talking about some titties. Live. Real live titties. Live titties. Not movie titties. Live titties.

Live titties. Man. I said, come on, man. We got to get the fuck out of here, man. He said, get out. All of you, get out. So he was so lit. Like, he was limp.

We had to put his shoulder around my shoulder, around my other buddy's shoulder, and we had to drag him. His feet are dragging. Like, his fucking feet are just, he's limp. Like Weekend at Bernie's. Yeah, easily. Weekend at Bernie's.

We're dragging this dude out of there, man. And we parked, remember, 10 minutes away from the fucking apartment building. Oh, my God. In the Bronx. Oh, my God.

In the bad part of the Bronx. Right. Right? We're dragging this dude, right? I said, God damn it, man. In the Bronx. Oh, my God. In the bad part of the Bronx. Right. Right? We're dragging this dude, right? I said, God damn it, man. Shit. We pulled him, and then we passed through this one neighborhood, right? There was a bunch of guys out there.

One of them said, yo, fuck is wrong with your friend? And we walked. I said, no. I said, no. We're going to walk in the street. You walk in the sidewalk, that's when you get your ass whooped. Yeah, walk in the street. You walk in the middle of the street.

Take your ass to the street. We felt like the fucking warriors. Like we had to get back to Mount Vernon. Like the fucking warriors. And we're dragging this dude. His fucking shoes are dragging. His fucking body is limp. And like, what's wrong with your boy?

And then somebody yelled out, we should fuck y'all up. I said, oh no. I said, no, no. No, no. Drive faster. Go. Walk faster. I said, walk real fast.

We get to the car. We throw him in the back seat. Right? And I said, I can't believe this shit, man. I can't fucking believe it. And I heard, and he threw up again the car. We throw him in the backseat, right? And I said, I can't believe this shit, man. I can't fucking believe it. And I heard, and he threw up again in the backseat of my car.

I said, oh, you motherfucker. You threw up in the backseat of my car. And we knew his mom was mad strict, right? So we get back to Mount Vernon in front of the apartment building, right? In front of his house. And we said, yo, we can't take him in there yet yeah not like that he can't go in like this he'll get beat and we waited i'm telling you we waited and we waited until like it was like one in the morning we said no we can't we got to get the

fuck out of here we got to go home yeah we got school tomorrow and you're gonna get whooped if you're too late right right we got school tomorrow so we got to get the fuck out of here, man. So we said, yo, let's just prop him up against the door. So we carry him in the building. Right. We stood him up against the wall. And we said, are y'all ready? One, two, three. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

And we ran. We fucking ran. And we heard the door open. And his mother was like, what the hell? Alfred, what is wrong with you? And we fucking hauled ass, man. And he didn't remember one moment. Not an ounce of it.

I ran into this dude like two years ago at a party out here. He said, what happened that night? I said, wait a minute. All this time, you don't know the full story? I told him that story. He was freaking crying laughing. He said, get the fuck out of here. That didn't happen.

I said, I'm telling you, that's exactly what happened. Alfred, you made us miss our first live titties. You ruined it. Live titties were about to happen. Ruined it for us. Ruined it. I'll never forget it, man. I'll never forget it.

One day I'm going to tell who it is. In here, we pour whiskey. I'm living in a fantasy world, and I am a fantasy girl. Look, if you're into fantasy sports, you got to know about Stat Hero. 85% of people, I don't know if you know this, 85% of people who play daily fantasy sports lose. Is that surprising to you? No, it shouldn't be.

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He's fucking been here forever. Oh, really? Okay. Is he in our game? Is he a comic? No. He's not a comic. He's not a comic.

But. But who knows? You know, he, he, amazing. Before, before amazing. Right. That'd be a great book. Just a bunch of stories of people who knew people who are famous now. Before amazing.

Before amazing. That's pretty, that's really great. Fucking great. Because we were all, we, not we, not me. Every, every one of us in entertainment, you had this other life that no one really knows because you move out here and you do this thing and you're working and trying to build yourself up. Fuck yeah.

There's a whole other world that people usually don't know about. You know what I mean? About all your friends that you grew up with and all those stories. Before Amazing's really great. Before Amazing's great because that really covers your journey. It covers your journey and the shit that you have done. And it really lays it out that anyone can achieve what they fucking want.

If you really go. If you really go hard for it. Yeah. And you got to really believe in what you do. Did you have a moment in your career where you thought you might back out and be done? Have you had a time when you were like, I don't know if I want to do this shit anymore, man? Nah, man. It's been good, huh?

Here's the thing. I've done what I do all my life. Whether it's on stage, whether it's one-on-one, whether it's at a family reunion, whether it's at a friend's birthday party,

whether it's at a funeral, I don't care. I just got this thing embedded in me that I want people to enjoy themselves and their life, you know, whether it's me stopping to talk to a dude in the airport on the way to my flight and miss my fucking flight, fucking around, talking to these dudes. Have you done that before? Yes.

Yeah. And I said, you know what, I miss my flight. But it became so engaging, and this dude needed something so bad. He needed to hear something. And I said, fuck. I pushed it to the end until I ran to the gate, and the plane is backing out of that fucking gate. What was the conversation about that?

Was he a fan, and then he just wanted to talk with you? Fan. And he was a fan, and he just— And I could tell that he just went through something. I could tell that he needed something. He needed, sometimes you got to be an ear to people sometimes.

You know what I mean? Let them get the shit out and then you assess it and you realize, you got to judge whether they're fucking crazy or they're fucking just crazy for what they want to do.

Right. You know what I'm saying? And there's nothing wrong with that. No. Oh, nothing wrong with that. You got to be a little nutty. You got to be a little fucking nutty. We're all a little crazy.

We're all a little crazy. Got to be. You got to be. Got to be a little crazy, a little fearless. You got to have a little bit of everything in there. Right.

Woo! I'm fearless. You are fearless. Oh, fuck me, man. I'm fearless as fuck. I got a bad memory, too. You do? Oh.

So you just kind of erase all the bullshit? Man, I'm like that little, what's that shit on Men in Black? Oh, yeah, that wand. That fucking wand. I got one in my back pocket. Do yourself?

Fuck yeah. Every time I see it, I got to do this imaginary woo-woo. Yeah. Because, man, because it's just too short. You don't have enough time to be fucking around. Right. You don't have enough time to be fucking stuck on stupid. You don't have enough time to be fucking stuck on stupid. You don't.

Yeah. You really don't. That's true. You read the paper every fucking day some shit happens to somebody. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Whether it's early in their life or whether it's late in their life, something's going

to fucking happen. Mm-hmm. But you fucking around sitting there dwelling on that shit, you will never achieve what you want to achieve. Or get the shit started. Yeah. You will never get it started want to achieve or get started you're never gonna start it right to try it and it don't work but to never get it started that's the shit you look back on oh what a coulda shoulda yeah coulda

shoulda that's the one thing you want to ever look back on it does are you a guy that sets a lot of goals to or no do you just kind of go as you go I fucking go you just go go are you I I go. I apply my personality. I apply my work ethic. I apply shit that I know I can't do. And sometimes I have to say shit I know I can't do. But guess what? I got this little speed,

I got this little gear in me that allows me to figure this shit out when I get there. Right. Because there's more to it than just what's on paper. Sure. You got to open that shit up sometimes. Let it breathe. Yeah. So got to open that shit up sometimes. Let it breathe. Yeah.

So are you somebody that procrastinates? I found this, I saw this study recently about a high percentage of performers, entertainers, tended to be not as good in a formal academic, right? Like they procrastinated. They still got work done, but they wait the last minute or they weren't as good of a student, but they were fantastic at delivering. Like were you a good student or were you not?

No, I was a great student. You were? I was a good student. Did you wait to the last minute to do stuff or did you always get it done early? Sometimes. You know why? Yeah.

I do my best work last minute. Well, they say creative people tend to do their best work in the crunch. I do my best work in the crunch. You know why? Because the time I'm waiting to do it, the procrastination stage, I'm thinking about it. Right. I'm thinking about how exactly I'm going to do it. That's when I know I've got time.

Right. That's how we formulate. I know how I'm going to do it. So when I sit down and do it, it takes me no time to do it because I already fucking thought about it. Right, that's what's funny. There's an interesting conversation I've had with comedians about that. As a stand-up, people tend to think that we just do it and we don't think about it.

We've been thinking about it. Our lives are when we're thinking about it. Yes. So you're thinking about it all the time, whether you know it or not. It's entering your mind. These little snippets come and they go and they come and they go. It's little synapses are firing. And then when it's time to deliver, then all this stuff kind of gets to ball together.

Yeah, it does. So the procrastination is really the buildup. It's the buildup. It's the buildup. And that's what I talked about earlier about how I love when, I don't know, I just love the surprise of it all. That's why I said sometimes I don't find out what I got until I get there. You know?

Right. We know all these comedy clubs are different. You know? You know how many times I walk in the club and I get there and I'm sitting in the green room and I'm like, how you get on stage? You know what I mean? Right. I have no idea. I don't even know where to go. What route do people take to get there? Right. You know what I mean? Right, I have no idea. I don't even know where to go.

What route do people take to get there? Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm like, how the fuck do you get on stage? And something really cool about that, because it creates this thing. And sometimes that'll be my first five minutes. How did I get on stage?

Yeah, they told me how to get on stage. I said, I don't want to go that way. I don't want to go that way. I don't want to go that way. Right. Motherfuckers already dropped popcorn to see how to get to the stage. Fuck that way. You want the road less traveled. I want the road less traveled.

Right, because there's an adventure there. And people have been to that club before. They're so used to looking to the inside and watching people into the stage from over there. Right. My ass come from over there. Fucked all y'all up. See what I just did to you guys? That was the first five, ten minutes of the show.

Right. And then you give them something new that they've never felt. You look that way. You're so used to it. Made your ass look. Made your ass look. See? I came from this side.

See? Yeah. Yeah. Do you have favorite spots to perform in the country? Are there cities that you're like, man, I'm in love with going there? Some, man. Do you get excited about places? Or now is it more like you just love the work and it is what it is?

I just love to feel it on me. Yeah. I just love to feel it on me, man. There's this thing about giving people something, man. And, you know, it's just a unique feeling that people who do what we do feel, man. And I have, of course, I have favorite cities, favorite clubs, but the feeling is still the same. It's still the same feeling.

Everywhere you go. It's still the same feeling. And I work best. Here's what the same feeling. Everywhere you go. It's still the same feeling. And I work best. Here's what I will say. I work best in my own thing where I work best. I'm not good at doing those shows with a bunch of comedians and we're all on the same show. I'm just not good at that because I'm not good at doing 10 minutes, 15 minutes.

That's not my thing. I'm more, you gotta be coming to see me. Yeah. You gotta come and see me do my hour and a half. Because it's more than, it's just a different thing. When they come and see you, shit. You can take your time and grab your drink.

Mm-hmm. Boy, y'all crazy. And just really. Let it sit. Small talk their ass anything you want because they already there and they dare to see you specifically.

Right. When you're on those shows like four or five comedians and you got to do your little set, ah, it's too much for me, man.

I've never been good at that. And I've had some bad nights fucking around with those kind of shows. Really? Even after I said I didn't want to do that and I've had some bad nights fucking around with those kind of shows even after I said I didn't want to do it and I just fucking do it anyway and it just fucks me up I know it's not me

does someone stand out? I've had one or two of them where I'm like what the fuck am I doing here and I know I didn't want to be there and I know it wasn't for me and I know it's not my style. And, you know, that's where I started. I can't say it's something that – but you got to know – you got to –

see, I take all that kind of stuff as stuff to add to my – To your book. To my book. Before Amazing. You got to add it because what it does is you figure out what you prefer, you figure out who you are, and sometimes

you know who you are before you walk on that stage. Yeah. You know exactly who you are, and that plays a big part in your energy

you're going to give. Oh, yeah. Because you got to get it back. In order to reprocess it, they got to give you something in order for you to reprocess it and give it back to them.

That's how it's recyclable. Right. Laughter recyclable. That's how laughter works. It recycles itself. You create this moment. You create this energy. And that's it.

And you ride it. Right. You have a good time and ride it. You know what I mean? But you got to be into that shit. Yeah. You can't have no doubt in your mind that you can't say, what the fuck I'm doing here.

Because my mind and my body immediately shuts down because I know I'm not supposed to be there. You just turn it all off. I turn it all off. And I become, you know what I do? I become ready. You know what forces me to do that? I become ready. You know what it forces me to do, though?

It forces me. My body rejects this shit. You know what I mean? And it feels like, nah, this ain't. No matter what you do in your mind, you're not going to be able to get out of this one. Oh, wow. Because you knew you wasn't supposed to be here.

And now your mind is saying, what the fuck am I doing here? Yeah, what are we doing? I'm saying what the fuck am I doing here at the same time I'm saying my jokes. As you're in your brain. As I'm performing,

I'm saying what the fuck These thoughts are going at the exact same time. What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck am I doing here? You know goddamn well you're supposed to be here. Like a version of me

steps out of my body and stands there watching me. Upset. Motherfucker, I told you. We talked about this already ten times already. Why the fuck you doing here? That's a beautiful scene.

This ain't your shit. You standing next to you telling yourself what the fuck you doing. Right. And you know it. And I know, I said, what the fuck am I doing here?

Yeah. I like my own shows. I love my own shows. Well, they're yours. It's built for you. It's your audience. Sold out crowd for myself. Yeah. Eat it up. Fucking love them. And then come September, they're yours. It's built for you. It's your audience. Sold out crowd for myself. Yeah.

They eat it up. Fucking love them. And then come September, are you doing a long run of shows and stuff like that? Are you doing like a ton of theaters or what do you... What I need to do is

I got to get on stage and start doing some warm-up shows. Oh, yeah, clubs. Even though I have the most, utmost confidence in myself. I took a year off one time before. I took a year off. My before. I took a year off. My last show of that year

was a charity event I do every year in Detroit. Fucking love it. Oh, love it. Right? I travel with my buddy, my buddy Hugh Moore. He opens for me.

I love Hugh. I love Hugh. Isn't he fucking amazing? So funny, man. The amazing Hugh, the incredible Hugh Moore, they call him. So,

took a whole year off. That's what I mean by that busy time where you don't realize that you took a year off of something because something had to replace it. Something had to, you know, a movie, a TV show. Why did you take a year this time? This time? No, no, that time that you were referring to. Oh, that time I was busy.

Yeah. I was on a TV show. I was doing a movie. Yeah. And it just ate the time up. Yeah. The time just ate up a whole show. I was doing a movie. Yeah. And it just ate the time up. Yeah. The time just ate up

the whole year. And then we went back to Detroit again, right? And Hugh said, yo, you know how Hugh talk. Yeah, real slow,

real low. the last time you was on stage was this same show last year. I said, what? Wow.

He said, yo, last time you performed was the same show. I said, what? Wow. He said, yo, last time you performed was the same show. I said, get the fuck out of here. And I proceeded to go on stage like nothing fucking happened. Like it never changed. Like a year never took off. That's your luck.

You're a very blessed man in that right. Never even realized I took a year off. Wow. I mean, in my... You felt the same way you used to feel. You know why? Mm.

Because they're there for you already. Right. They're for you. They're fucking there for you. Right. They're not there

for five other people. Mm-hmm. They're there to see you. And when you have five other people on the show, know what people are doing in their head?

Mm. This motherfucker about to be as funny as his last dude. That's in the person's head. Mm-hmm. That's in the person's head. That's in the person who came to the show. They're like, I like that other guy.

Who's this new guy? Right. They want you to do you, but they want you. You're a part of the whole show. Right. But when I was coming up, I'm one of those guys that always loved to make sure the audience had a great time. And you know how it is with comedians. Sometimes comedians can be very competitive. Oh, yeah. I think we're all very competitive.

So, yeah. So sometimes that happens and you get caught up in it in your head, like you got something to prove. Yeah. Or vice versa. And, you know, so you got to police yourself a little bit. But I take, for some reason, with me, those moments do something for me. I don't know. I get a high out of it, whether it's good or bad. Because I just got this thing in me that's embedded in my soul, in my work ethic, in everything I've ever done,

that I can't be fucking stopped. Right. Remember that time Mike Tyson got beat? Yes. And that motherfucker said, when I'm right, can nobody beat me? Yeah. And he knew he wasn't right before that Buster Douglas fight. It's true.

He wasn't right. No. He underestimated the dude. He did big time. He didn't true. He wasn't right. No. He underestimated the dude. He did big time. He didn't train. He wasn't training. With the wrong fucking managers. He was fucking around in Vegas. Got rid of his old people.

Right. And somebody else stole him away and didn't train. He was drinking and partying. All that shit. Yeah. But when he said that shit, I got it. Yeah. When I'm right.

Can't nobody beat me. Can't beat me. And that's how my mindset has always been. When I'm right, I don't give a fuck who's, I don't give a fuck who. I just feel like I'm going to give you what I do to the hundred,

people say keep it to a hundred, I keep it to a hundred. I'm going to give you two, I'm going to give you so fucking much. You know what I mean? I'm just going to give you more than you supposed,

more than you expect to get. More than statistically is possible. Right, exactly. I'm going to give you more than even is on the scale. I'm going to give it to a hertz. I'm going to give it to a hertz. than statistically is possible. Exactly. I'm going to give you more than even is on the scale. I'm going to give it to it hurts. I'm going to give it to it

fucking hurts me. So I got to sleep all day the next day. But that's the way you got to think. Right. And anything you fucking do, you got to think about it

like that. You know, you got to be prepared. You got to be right. But also, you got to know what right is. When you are, you can say, when I'm right, but also you got to know what right is. You can say when I'm right, I can't be beat,

but you got to know it before you walk in the ring. You have to believe it. So if something does happen, you know what I mean? You already said it. Right. You already said it before your ass whooping. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So that's all it is. Yeah. And that's for anybody. You work, look, your work ethic is through the roof. What's the thing

for JB to, what's your, what's your like little slice of respite? What do you do when you slow down? Like, because you worked so much.

Do you even have a little bit of time to just lamp out and disappear? Like, do you have like a little secret thing that you go do? I do, man.

People who know us, our circle, we are the entertainment couple, my wife and I. So we do RV parties. We do freaking— What do you mean RV parties? I got an RV. I got a 38-foot RV, a Damon Outlaw. Really? Yeah, man.

We have RV parties at the beach. You take it out to the desert or something? Oh, to the beach. We have parties at the beach. Yeah. We have straight-up parties. 80 people will show up, and we'll be out there with the RV, grilling three grills, networking with people, involving people we love.

And, man, we have a volleyball game. I got eight bicycles. I bring my bicycles, my hoverboards and all that kind of fun stuff. People get a chance to hang out all day with their family. And they bring their family. And we all have a ball. The RV beach days are your getaway. And we have vegan.

My wife and I are vegan. So we have the vegan and the meat eaters. Carnivores. Two different grills. Carnivores can't bring their meat on the RV. They got to put a grill over there somewhere. You know, meat splatter and shit. Yeah, you can't bring their meat on the RV. They got to put a grill over there somewhere. You know, meat splatter and shit. Yeah, you don't want that. Yeah, meat splatter, shit will fly.

How long you been a vegan? Full-time vegan, three years. Part-time. Yeah, part-time. You're a full-time. One time, I was part-time, full-time. Part-time carnivore. I'm a part-time vegan, full-time carnivore for a long time.

Right. Because my wife, she hasn't had meat in like 20 time. Right. Because my wife, she hasn't had meat in like 20-something years. Wow. Shit, she hasn't had meat in 20-something odd years. How long has it been for you?

Well, it's three years now. Three years, full-time vegan. No meat, full-time, three-time. Do you feel good?

I was part-time, full-time forever, meaning I would travel, go on the road, and drop my bags off, go to Buffalo Wild Wings, sit my ass down, get me like 10 teriyaki, 10 barbecue, extra carrots and goddamn celery sticks, and sit there, watch the games on TV, fucking them wings up, man.

Woo! Shit. And then one day, one day, I had been part, of course, I want to eat vegan when I was home because my wife only made vegan food. But when I was on the road, I would eat what I want to eat. But one day, man, I was in that Buffalo Wild Wings. I was eating those fucking wings. I got halfway through my teriyaki.

And something just hit me and said, oh, shit, I'm over it. You were done. I'm fucking over it. Out of nowhere. Was there a sensibility? Was there a thought in your mind? I had been part-time forever, and I realized that there's so many options to it. I was sitting there watching the scores on the game, on the football game.

I said, I think I'm over this shit. I looked at those wings in that fucking bowl. I said, I think I'm over it. Huh. I just ripped one apart, and I was just like holding both pieces of the fucking wing. I said, I think I'm over this shit.

Put it in a bowl, wipe my mouth, spit the rest of the meat in my mouth and my napkin, threw it on the fucking plate, paid my bill. I said,

oh shit, I'm over it. That's it? Yep. Damn, that's wild. Something hit me and said, shit. This wasn't for you anymore.

I was over it, man. Do you feel good now that you're full vegan? Oh said, shit. This wasn't for you anymore. I was over it, man. Do you feel good now that you're full vegan? Oh, yeah, man. My fucking body feels fucking great. You do? Between the veganism and the water and the, you know, everything else in moderation. You know, we love to entertain people, so we love to have drinks and stuff like that still. But, man, that's about it. Right. And we'd love to have drinks and stuff like that still but man that's about it

and we fucking love it you just keep it everything has got to keep in some semblance of moderation you have to you have to keep everything in moderation

so that right there yeah my weight is like consistent you know what I mean unless I mean don't get me wrong

your ass can be a fat vegan yeah I've seen them oh you can be a fat vegan you can be a fat vegan. Yeah, I've seen them. Oh, you can be a fat vegan. You can be a fat vegan easily. You can over-vegan. You can over-vegan that shit. And start eating stuff, like just over-doing it with the carbs

and just too much bread and too much, no activity. Well, you can still eat like french fries and shit. Yeah, yeah. The number one thing is no activity. That's the number one thing. You sitting around, you're a vegan sitting the fuck around That's the number one thing. You're sitting around. You're a vegan sitting the fuck around. You're just doing it just to be sitting around.

Oh, man. Your ass going to get... Shit, you're going to have that cupcake waste. You know that cupcake shit? Yeah. That shit comes over the edge of that goddamn... That little cupcake cup. Shit comes over.

Folds over. That shape is only good for cupcakes. That shit does not look good on humans. It just doesn't. It's true. You can't have that cupcake shape. No, you can't. But that's what, you know, I tell people all the time,

even in moderation, you try that shit for, let's just say you try it for a week or two out of a month. If you did that and remove the beef, remove the pork, remove something, just do fish one time. Maybe do fish for a whole month or seafood or whatever. But your body will. You'll see it. Do you miss seafood?

Do you miss beef? The number one thing I miss is a plank fucking salmon. Oh, plank salmon, yeah. Oh, fuck, man. See, this is the fucked up part. My part is messed up because I actually am a grill master. That's the bad part. We lost you.

People who love me, they used to come to my home, and they couldn't wait for me to grill. Like, they come just so I can grill. And don't get me started on holidays. grill. And don't get me started on holidays. My deep fried turkey game is off the charts. Like, people would only come because they wanted my deep fried turkey. That's how bad it was. I don't know how many friends I lost. I must have lost about 15, 20 friends because I don't make deep fried turkey no more. It just, like, left me alone. It's like war buddies. Ooh, man. You're like, man, once I don't make deep fried turkey no more. It just, like, left me alone. It's like war buddies.

Ooh, man. You're like, man, once I got out of the trenches. That deep fried, there's a process to that deep fried turkey, man. It's so hard to do, right, because so many people, they light their house on fire and shit. They put it in there frozen. You got to know what you're doing. Yeah, you got to be specific.

Oh, I go to the supermarket, and I look around, and I sit there and eye them. It's like they're in incubators, like a maternity ward. I'm looking at them. I'm like, oh, he's cute. I pick them up. I feel the weight of them. I can tell by the weight what's going to go in my fryer.

I say, oh, yeah, that's nice. You know by the weight which one's going to be the one. Yeah, the buoyancy, the buoyancy of it all. Then I turn it over and I smack it on the ass. Smack it on the ass. Smack that. I'm going to hear it come back. Reverberate.

It's going to be like pow. Woo. Yeah. This turkey, if it wasn't a turkey, it could the ass. Smack that. I'm going to hear it come back. Reverberate. It's going to be like, pow! Woo! Yeah. This turkey, if it wasn't a turkey, it could twerk. You know what I mean? I take that turkey home. Oh, man. And I talk to him while I'm preparing.

Oh, really? It's a conversation that takes place. I won't recommend everybody do this shit, but I used to put a little bit of dishwashinghing liquid in my fucking antibacterial dish soap. What? Inside the turkey? All over it. Dish soap.

I'd soak it and I'd wash that motherfucker. Wait, why? Because the bacteria. I know I'm not going to defry it, but still, in my preparation, I don't like my hands to feel as though I got salmonella on my hands. It's so hard not to touch shit, Not to grab a spoon. It's so hard not to touch anything while you're preparing it. Sure.

So I wash that motherfucker. I scrub his ass. You scrub a turkey. I put my fist inside his neck hole. And I just like this. So you wash the turkey before you fry it. I wash inside and out. Inside and out. Rinse it very well. Wash it till I squeaky. I can hear it squeak. I wash inside and out. Inside and out. Rinse it very well. Wash it until I'm squeaky.

I can hear it squeak. I hear his squeaking. Like shoes on the floor. I hear the squeakiness on his body. I'm like, oh, he's clean. He's so clean right now. I rinse him very well inside and out.

Oh, man. While I'm doing all that, I'm boiling my seasoning in a pot on the stove. Don't you miss this? This sounds like you miss this. Injector. And I season it. I put all the other parts,

all the liver and the neck bone, all that inside there. Let it simmer. Put some seasoning sauce in there, some garlic, a whole garlic clove in that bad boy. You're making me hungry. Oh, I take the incubator and I put a little injector

and I start injecting this turkey like a goddamn drug addict. Like I'm fucking, I'm injecting him all over. I'm putting juice in his arms, these fucking muscles popping up, the fucking juices in his fucking breast. I'm just injecting the fuck out of this turkey, man. Oh, my God. That was the days. But I'm not saying I don't miss it, but people used to love it because that was my process.

As a meat eater, that was my process. Right. I fucking keep injecting the fuck out of that damn turkey. And then I took him outside, and I'm still talking to him. What is the conversation that you're having with the turkey? You're prepping him for his... I say, hey, man, I just want to thank you for being a part of this family. Right.

You, you, and I turn him, like, facing me, I say, you are a part of this family right now. Okay? And I had already, I fold the arms back like this. Right. I fold those arms back. Yeah. You know, the wings back, and I tuck the wings behind his body like this.

Like he got arrested. Then I cuff him. I use a zip tie to put his legs together. Because when you drop it in that oil, you don't want it to get hung up on anything. You fuck around, spill that hot-ass grease on your ass. That's when the fire starts. So I slowly but surely, I put the hook on him, the little hook,

my hands on it, and I slowly drop his ass and I thank him for being a part of this family. As he goes down, thank you for being a part of this family. I bless the food and I say thank you for being a part of this family. Your life was lost in this process, but we thank you for nourishing our bodies tonight. That's a respectful way to do it. It's a respectful way to show respect to this process. But... We thank you for nourishing our bodies tonight. That's a respectful way to do it.

A respectful way to show respect to this animal. And I want to go organic so I know he's farm raised and I'm just treated the right way. No suffering.

I drop him in that hot ass grease. Oh. No suffering while it was alive. It's over. I cover it up. I say,

I'll see you in about 45 minutes. I go home. Then I just wash my hands again. Start about 45 minutes. I go home. Then I just wash my hands again. Start doing other food. I come back out there, and I say, you should be ready. I lift his ass out of that hot oil. He's golden.

He's gold. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect to Mundo. I took his ass to the, I already had my table set up. I got a big-ass plate where he's going to sit. And a lot of people lay their turkey down.

I don't lay them down. I sit them up. Oh, you stand them up. I stand them the fuck up, man. You lay them down, this isn't a funeral. Right, he's not dead. You shouldn't be laying the fuck down like this. No, no. This is a celebration of life. It's a rebirth. A rebirth. That's right. Fucking rebirth. And I sit his ass

straight up. He looks so proud. And Kyle DeBita, his arms, his fucking wings are tucked back behind his back. His chest is sticking the fuck out. His chest puffed out. He's just like, he's proud to be a part of this family. Shit. I get the knife and I sharpen it together. I sharpen that bitch.

Sashimi it up. I get that goddamn fork and that sharp ass knife. I wish I was with you these days. I wish I could have had some of that turkey. That's that North Carolina boy in me. God, I wish I could have had some. Hooty-hoo! Hooty-hoo!

Hooty-hoo! Don't cackle like, baby. What's your, JB, what's your, like, what's a thing, because you don't seem like, you're a really humble guy. From what I know from you, you were very nice to me when I met you. You't seem like You're a really humble guy From what I know You were very nice to me When I met you You're gracious You're humble

What's the thing That you spoil yourself with? What's your like luxury I'm going to spoil myself And I don't care And it's maybe unnecessary But I'm going to do it See when I was growing up

We played this game On the stoop Called that's my car That's my car That's my car You ever play that before? You ever play that before? Yeah where you call it That's my car That's my car called, that's my car. That's my car. That's my car. You ever play that before? Yeah, where you call it out. That's my car. That's my car.

That's my car. No, no, that's mine. That's my car. That's my car right there. And we, as young people, loved cars. We loved to claim a car because that's what we always wanted to drive eventually, and we wanted to have a car. Like, did your parents ever have cars or nice cars or anything like that?

Nothing. No. I don't think we ever had a car. Because it was always like, so that's why. No, I mean, I had a car. Like, did your parents ever have cars or nice cars or anything like that? Nothing. No. I don't think we ever had a car. Because it was always like... I mean, I had a car. My mom had a car later. I bought her a car. They never had luxurious things. They never had that kind of car.

Right. It's crazy that the cars that they had back then are now considered our toys. You know what I mean? In the 60s and 70s, those cars are now considered our toys. You know what I mean? Yeah. In the 60s and 70s, those cars are now considered cars that we fucking love. Classics. That's crazy.

They drove around for purpose. We want them because we want to hook them up and put a sound system in them and make them nice and like, oh, you got a classic. You know what I mean? Yeah. Woo. Man. So my thing is there's several things I love.

I love to entertain, but I love me some damn cars, man. There's cars on my list I haven't even got yet. What's your aspiration? What's the car that you're like, man, you know what I want, but? Oh, it's hard to get. I always wanted a Roadrunner. Now, I'm going to tell you, my uncle, you know, I hope he hears this show. My uncle had a roadrunner in his

yard forever. And I wanted, every time I went to North Carolina, I said, man, why is it sitting there? Let me take it. Let me fix it up. Let me fix that car up. I would love to have that damn roadrunner. And he comes in, oh, no, no, I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it forever. Then I went back down to North Carolina one more time, and I went back there, and the car was gone. I said, where's the Roadrunner? Oh, I sold it to a guy two towns over. I said, man, I'm so mad right now.

I told you, let me fix it up. Let me take it. Yeah, you've been asking for it. I guess he didn't want me to take it and fix it all up all nice. Why not? Pop up driving it. But that car would be part of the family. So how many cars

do you have now? See, I take on projects. So... Do you fix them up yourself or do you have someone that you... I got people that

work on my cars for me. Sure. You know, so what I do is I got cars that I love and I just gotta have. Like, I always,

I love Lincoln Continentals. Do you have one? I got a 68. Like, I always, I love Lincoln Continentals. Do you have one? I got a 68. I got a 68 Lincoln Continental. Suicide doors. Totally redone. You know, interior, exterior. That's a beautiful car.

It's got the bags on it. You know, it just lays on the ground with the little button. I love that car. That car still got a little more work to do to it, but I love it. When you drive that car, people look at it like, man.

You know what? I like riding my older gentleman. Look at that, because they always wanted that car. Yeah, they're confident. They were growing up. Yeah, that was a very coveted vehicle. You could talk to a guy and, like, you know what guys do? Guys do this.

Guys will meet. You want to meet a dude in damn AutoZone or Pep Boys or any auto parts store, Napa, whatever it is, and you'll sit there and you'll start talking about something, cars. You can talk to a dude all day about a goddamn car or the car that got away. Right. That's the most common one. It's the car that got away. Yeah, it could have or it shouldn't have.

They always look up like, ah, man, had a chance at a Roadrunner one time. Or had a chance at an old Chevelle. A Chevelle. Yeah. A GTO. Oh, man. Let it get away. My dad had it forever, man.

Let it get away. I said, the hell don't sell that car. I told him don't sell it. I said, don't sell the car, dad. Don't sell it. I want it. Everybody got a car that got away story, man. Right.

The one that got away. A lot of people do that with women. But a lot of guys do that with cars, too. You know, because a car is like a woman. You got to get that car right. And that Lincoln, I love it. I also have a first edition Dodge Challenger SRT8. The first.

First edition, yep. They only made 6,500 of those. I love that car. Yeah, it's a beautiful car. I love it. Power. No, I put the chip in it. Performance chip.

I put the damn K&N intake on it. New exhaust. The Flowmasters mufflers. I did all that good stuff. How many horses is it up to now? Oh, it might be close to five. Yeah, it boogie. It boogie.

It get up. And guess what? You see my personalized plate. No, I didn't. Well, don't say it. Don't tell anybody what it is. Unless you want. I don't care.

It's up to you. It's online. It don't matter. Oh, it is? It's pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! that is the sound it makes that's the sound it makes whenever i talk to my one of my dad's good friends he told me

he bought a he bought a porsche turbo and uh you know we both are big i love fast cars yeah and he said to me i said well you know how do you get away well, you know, how do you get away with it? You know, how do you get? And he says, you pick your spots. A fast car, you always just, you learn to pick your spots. There are certain places you learn to pick your spots. Pick your spots when you can. You got to pick your little spots. Pick your little spots.

You don't drive reckless. No. But you got to hit it once in a while. Once in a while, you got to pick your spots. You got to know when to go. You got to know, like, you got to know your exits. You got to know when to go. You got to know your exits. Like, I know there's an area where, you know, I'm not saying I do it all the time,

but once in a while, 3 in the morning, you're coming home by yourself, ain't nobody out there, you got to look around a little bit, and in between two exits, it's like a mile and a half, all you want to do is just hit it. Hit it.

Hit it. Hit it. Pew! I got that. I got a 2008 International NXT, which is a diesel truck. Wow. International made 6,500 of these also. Wow.

In 2008, man. Because I remember back then, 2008, shit, man. I wanted one. It came it came out shack had one ashton kutcher had one but man i ain't had those kind of pockets jb didn't have one oh hell no those cars those trucks were expensive man i looked it up i said god damn it expensive you need deep pockets for one of those brand new right oh so years later like four years ago four years ago my wife was driving and she knew i always loved that truck yeah four years ago she saw it one in this uh car dealership for sale and she said i think that's the same vehicle

in 08 my husband wanted and she came home and told me I said oh I said I'm going to ride by I rode by there and I saw it I said oh that's the International and I went in there I said man I want that truck

I always wanted one of those trucks he said yeah man you better hop on it because Floyd Mayweather came in here and he saw it

I was like what he said but if you want to buy it right now I'll sell it to you. I said, man, I love that truck, man. I always wanted it. And I ended up buying it. And I fixed it up.

I did the interior on it. I did the exterior on it. I put big tires on it. It came with 32s. I put 46-inch tires on it. It's a beast. It's a big bitch. I call it the zombie killer.

Zombie killer. Zombie killer. So when shit go awry, woo, everybody gonna be calling me. Everybody calling me, man. I'm calling you up. Once the world goes out,

I'm calling you. I'm about to install some, one of those things that drops oil sticks behind me so the zombies can't be falling.

So you know, zombies are clumsy as hell. You know what I mean? Put a little oil on the ground, some fucking canola. They're falling. I'm gonna use like, I'm gonna use like real oil. I'm gonna use like canola. Canola oil. You know, zombies are clumsy as hell. You know what I mean? Put a little oil on the ground. Some fucking canola. They're falling. I'm going to use like real oil. I'm going to use like canola.

Canola oil. You know, vegetable oil. Coconut oil. Yeah, because I'm vegan. So even the oil I use has got to be vegan. I can't use no lard and shit like that. Even when you're killing zombies. Even when you're killing zombies, you got to be a vegan still.

Shit. That's your escape plan if the zombies come back. And I got my RV. I got a big-ass RV. And you're gone. Now, people have made reservations for that RV.

When shit got bad last year, people were calling me, man, trying to make reservations for the RV in case shit go sideways. You know what I'm saying? Some shit go real sideways. Everybody want to get in the RV

and go in the middle of the desert and start a new city. A new community. A new community. That's how you got to do it. You got to go to the middle of the desert and just stop making babies. That's how it works. That's how it happens.

Yeah. You go to the middle of the desert and start making babies and shit. Make them babies, baby. A new community. Get a new community. But now we're back, thank God. Make them babies, baby. A new community. Build a new community. But now we're back, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank God.

What's in the near future? Will you tell me what's going on with you? Are you working on something new right now? You're in Spider-Man, the new one, right? Yeah. Is that shooting right now? No, I shot that like a month or two ago. Maybe two months ago I shot my stuff.

But they're done shooting that. They're done. Yeah. I can't wait to see that. That comes out. I just did, I don't know if you saw my, if you saw my shark week, I did shark week. Oh, yeah, yeah, you did a shark week.

That's right. That was fun, right? What? That's some adventurous shit to be doing, man. I mean, to jump in the water. Did you ever think about swimming with sharks ever in your life? Oh, every time I'm on vacation, people come back, friends of mine, and say, oh, yeah, we just got up early and swam with the sharks.

I said, oh, wow. And I always say, fuck that. Nah, I'm good. I always say fuck that. I'm good, man. Fuck that. And then for some reason, they gave me a call. Shark Week gave me a call.

I said, you know what? I'm going to do it. And they said they're going to train me. They're going to, you know, get certified as a diver. Oh, wow. So all this had to happen. I said, you know what? Maybe getting certification as a diver, I'll feel a little more comfortable.

Right. Man, they came to my house. We got trained in the backyard and in our pool. In your pool, right. Safety stuff and all that kind of stuff and how to work the equipment, how to put together, how to do all your stuff. And we did the written test, all that shit. Right.

We did all that stuff. Then we had to do our remaining test in the Bahamas. When you got there, then they test you again. When you got there. And let me tell you something. There's a big difference from going from your pool, right, and your eight foot

and five foot, you know, pool. Where there's no sharks. No sharks. Right. And riding your ass out a half an hour into the middle of the ocean

and jumping your ass in that water. Where there is sharks. Where there's sharks and there's other animals. And you're like, holy shit. Now, I've been snorkeling before.

Everybody's done snorkeling. Yeah, snorkeling we do. You float on top of the water and flop in your fucking feet. Yeah. Got them dumb ass and shit. Put your fucking goggles in the water looking down. Oh, look at that. We all do look so dumb doing what we snorkel.

I look dumb doing that snorkel. It's the goofiest shit ever. That's some goofy shit to do, right? You do. And the water's just moving you wherever it needs to move you. You just land in shit. Yeah. You're about to smash into a? You do. And the water's just moving you wherever it needs to move you. Just laying there and shit. Yeah.

You're about to smash into a rock and die. A mouth hook. A mouth hook. Mouth hook and shit. And you know what? That was fun, though. But during that, once in a while, I would pull my shit off and free dive a little bit. Just look around and shit. It was down there, you know.

So when you got to the Bahamas and they had you in the tank and all that stuff, when they put the tank on you and everything, you learned how to dive. Yeah, it was myself and Brad Paisley did it together. And let me tell you something, man. When you're jumping in that water, the one thing that you had to learn how to do is control your buoyancy. Oh, your buoyancy. Your breathing.

But your, yeah, same thing. Yeah. Because, you know, what we don't realize is that, so on my test at my house, you had to tread water. Right. You had to tread water for 10 minutes, 10 to 15 minutes. It's a long time. What?

It's a long time. It's a long-ass time. Tread water. Now, my first day I did it, I was just like, trying to tread water. I said, nah. My fucking arms started burning two minutes in. I'm like, nah. I'm heavy as fuck. I said, nah.

I feel like I got fucking weight right now. Like someone threw a fucking, a set of fucking barbells in the ocean. That's how the fuck I felt. I said, how can I feel like dead weight right now. Then I said, you know what? I said, I said,

look, I'm sorry. I'm not going to be able to do this part. I said, I'm going to fail this part right now. I said, can you come back Wednesday?

It was Monday. Can you come back Wednesday? I'm going to have this shit figured out. I get a C. I'm going to fail it now, but I get a C on Wednesday. That lady fucking left? Mm-hmm.

When she left, I worked on that shit. Right. I learned how to float. I learned how to float. I learned how to float. Ah, right. Oh, man. Now you got it.

I started working on it that day. I started working on it the day after. By the time that lady came back, man, I was fucking zen. My body was like part of the water. It was part of the water. Right. I was the water. You were the water.

I fucking laid there and filled my chest full of air and fucking realized that, wow, I control this shit. And this floated like a fucking, this floated like a fucking floaty. Kids could have jumped on me and fucking... Kids could have jumped on me and just sat on me and this floated. That's how much control I had. That's how buoy just floated. That's how much control I had. That's how buoyant you were. That's how buoyant I was.

And once you feel your chest full of air, it takes three seconds, and all of a sudden, your body floats to the top again. Wow. You sit. Your breathing controls this. You control this like bobbing and floating.

You control how deep. And then when you lay back, you'll feel it. The water will go from here to here. Right. Slowly move under your chin. That's it. And you got it. And I fucking passed that shit.

And I'm telling you, I went to zen mode. I didn't even realize that much time had passed. She said, you did it. That's it. I could have done another 15. That's how gone I was. You're like like restart the clock Yeah

Let's go You got out there And jumped through that fucking water You and Brad Paisley in the water You're more afraid You're more afraid Before you jump in that water Than when you get in the water

When you're in it It's almost like a moment of peace Or something You don't know what to expect When you're on the boat And you're looking You're looking in that clear ass water You see the sharks.

You see them. You see them right there. All of them. 40 of them. 30, 40 of them swimming around. You're like, oh, shit. Is it dinner time? I don't know.

Is it brunch? You don't know what time of day it is. What's going to happen when I jump in this water? But seeing the cameraman and you get a shadow, too. A shadow. This dude, he's just like a genie. You ever see those genies come out of a bottle, and they do this right here? Right.

These fucking dudes got control of their body. He's standing there like this. He's underwater like this. Just chilling. Hovering. Just sitting there. Just in the water, watching you, making sure everything's cool with you. Like this. In case some shit goes down.

He give you that bat right there once in a while. Right. It's like okay and okay. It's two okays. It's okay and okay. Okay. Okay and okay. Right.

Woo. So you got to sit there like, and he's sitting there like watching you. And you're sitting there swimming around. Fucking sharks everywhere. Sharks. Getting real close to you. Oh, yeah. Getting right up against you.

Did anything happen bad? Was it all smooth? It was smooth. But, yes, one time my mask, my fucking, because you get, we got trained in our goggles, which go under your nose, and you get the regulator. And we got trained in a full face mask. Meaning we can hold the button right here and talk to each other. And we got trained in a full face mask. Right. Meaning we can hold the button right here and talk to each other.

Right, right, right. And production needs to be able to hear you underwater, so that's the one we had to wear during production. And my first day,

I went down 40 feet and my fucking mask started slowly but surely rising up. The shit got right here under my lip. I kept trying to, like, pull my shit down.

I'm 40 feet down. Now I don't know if it was my beard or the shea butter I put on before I got in the fucking hotel. Could have been that shea butter. Fucking shea butter.

That slippery ass shea butter. Slippery ass shea butter. Shit, that slippery ass shea butter. That lubricant. It's mass lubricant. That fucking mass lubricant. It's moving up. It kept moving up.

I was like, fuck. I kept trying to pull it down, but I'm 40 feet down. Now, truth be told, I'm trained to put my mask off. I'm trained if my regulator gets knocked out my mouth, I'm trained to recover it, put it back in my mouth. I'm trained to fucking put the mask on. Right. I'm trained to take the mask off, trained to put the mask back on,

trained to blow the water out. Right. And put my wrist... Now, you go down, when you have the full face mask on, they give you... You also carry your backup mask. Right. Right here. In case something happens to the big one. Yep. And you got your extra...

Your emergency regulator. You got your original regulator. So I'm trained to pull the full face mask off Yep, and you got your emergency regulator. You got your original regulator. So I'm trained to pull the full face mask off and put my original one back on. Right. I'm trained to do it. But I said, while I be down there, they can't fucking hear me. I can't communicate with them or nothing. I just pulled it off and it still swam around, but I was like, ah.

I said, fuck. I said, take me up. Take me up. I went up. I said, fuck it. But it's beautiful. I said, fuck. I said.

Take me up. Take me up. I went up. I said, fuck it. But it's beautiful. The sunlight shining through that water and the clear water of the Bahamas. Man. Made you feel alive, huh?

That fucking water is beautiful. Yeah. I mean, it's beautiful. Like, you can make a drink out of that water. Like, you just fucking pour a glass halfway through the water, put some vodka in that shit. The Bahama breeze. The Bahama breeze. Bahama breeze. Get some vodka

and put that shit in there. That fucking water, that water's so clear. You think it's drinkable until you drink that shit. Wait a minute. No, no, no. I take my mind.

This is terrible. This is terrible. And, I mean, it felt like space. I know I've been to space, but God damn it, it felt like all you hear is your breathing and the bubbles and shit.

It's all the fucking quiet silence. Now, when I go to space, when I do go to space. You're going. When I do go to space, I'm going to say the same thing. I'm going to say, this shit feel like the ocean. See? My man, JB, I'm so happy that you came here. I appreciate you so much.

We could talk all goddamn day. We could. It could be hours of this shit. We could do part two of this shit in three hours. Easily. We didn't even cover all this shit. You want to come back? I didn't even cover all my jobs yet.

I only covered one job. I know. You want to cover some more jobs? Give it to me. No, I'll come back. All right, you can come back. We'll come back because we got shit to cover. We got shit to cover.

We even hit all the shit. I know. We barely got into it. I heard you got to go get tested because you're shooting a movie. I start my new show tomorrow. Oh, what? What is it? It's my new show.

It's my new show. Back to my old show. Real Husbands of Hollywood. Oh, right, right. Real Husbands of Hollywood. Yeah, we're going to shoot that. With Kevin. I got tested again.

You know how we got to do. But, man, come on, man. We can do this all day, bro. I would love it. going to shoot that. With Kevin. I got tested again. You know how we got to do. But man, come on, man. We can do this all day, bro. I would love it. Just to say shit. No, this isn't shit. This is wonderful. This is wonderful.

I appreciate you coming. I really do. It means a lot. I know you are a busy man. We cover a lot of things, man. And I think we helped a lot of people. I think we did. I think you gave some good advice, too.

You got to help people while you're giving them shit. Yeah, 100%. You got to help people. So we do this. We end the show the same way every single time. You look in that camera right there

and you're going to say one word or one phrase that's going to end the episode. So whatever you want it to be, you can think for a second, but one word or one phrase to end the episode in that camera right there.

A tie is a loss. Fuck that. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.