Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Jessimae Peluso

Episode Date: June 28, 2019

Santino sits down with Jessimae Peluso to chat about panic attacks while getting a massage, USO tours and how the rich are going to get zapped to a planet where they will all die. SEE ME LIVE!!! LEXINGTON, KY JUL 11-13 SACRAMENTO, CA JUL 18-20 MONTREAL JUST FOR LAUGHS JUL 24-27 ST. LOUIS, MO AUG 1-3 TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER PODCAST ON THE GRAM https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast?igshid=mztm4g3wy0gq ALL THINGS JESSIMAE: https://www.instagram.com/jessimaepeluso/?hl=en Go to http://www.andrewsantino.com for all things Cheeto Follow me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/cheetosantino/ THIS EP IS SPONSORED BY THE DELICIOUS BUFFALO TRACE BOURBON https://buffalotracedistillery.com For more info on the WHISKEY GINGER SIGN please check out the dope art of https://www.instagram.com/starlingear/?hl=ent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Limited time offer ends October 31, 2024. Conditions apply. Visit rbc.com slash student offers. Yo, this episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Buffalo Trace. Buff Trace, baby. It's the only bourbon with balls, and you can see it right there, right on the label. There's that Buffalo Nuts. Get them Buffalo Nuts. Get them Colorado chips. This is good jazz, man. This stuff is the best. I really do love it. It tastes the same everywhere you get it all over the world. It's aged in new oak barrels for eight years. So you know it's some quality stuff for the price point. It's absolutely delicious, man. It's got a distinct flavor, smooth, extremely smooth. People that love smooth,

smooth bourbons, this is the stuff for me, man. It's easy to drink. It's easy sipping. At the end of a long day, whether you're drinking it straight up or with a couple of cubes of ice, I like to drink it straight. That's kind of my style with something that's smooth and clean. Got a nice vanilla finish to it, you know? This guy Harlan Wheatley is the head distiller, and this cat knows what he's doing, man. He doesn't put anything in the bottle that he doesn't believe in, and that's how I operate my life as the Whiskey Ginger. I'm a supporter of this, and they're a supporter of us, and I believe in them. I'm not going to push anything I don't like, and I drink this stuff, and I like it. It is delicious. They're

one of the only people that operated during Prohibition. They badass, bro. They broke the rules. Since 1773, Buffalo Trace has been pumping out some of the good sauce. I love these guys. They're the best. Go get yourself some Buffalo Trace at your local distributor, grocery store, liquor store, or corner store, a little bodega. Who's ever hucking it around in your neighborhood? Go grab you some Buffalo Trace. Enjoy the episode, baby. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? If you want to come see the Red Rocket live once again, July 11, 12, 13, I'm in Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington, Kentucky. I'll be visiting the Buffalo Trace headquarters in Louisville, I believe. Then July 18, 19, 20, I'm in the Sacramento Punchline, Sactown, NorCal.

Come see your boy. Then July 24, 25, 26, I'll be at Just for Laughs in Montreal doing two shows, Mainline Theater, and then one Whiskey Ginger Live. And then August 1, 2, and 3, I'm at the St. Louis Helium. So come out, check your boy out, enjoy me. Come on, man. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. These aren't promotional things, so you just take them. I can just take them? Yeah.

This is from some... Oh, wait. You go ahead. I'll let you do your thing. No, we start non-traditionally. Do we? We just kind of let it roll. Yeah, fuck yeah.

Okay, good. This is from some festival I did. Let me see. Here, you take the first whiff. Wait a minute, is this marijuana? It's marijuana. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Wow. It's a hybrid, so I don't know what you're into. Well, I'm into that. I'm definitely into that. There's your breakfast. Grape hybrid, and there's a big grape gorilla on the front of it, which I really love. Yeah, that's my spirit animal. A grape gorilla? I feel like a big grape gorilla on yeah that's my spirit animal a great gorilla big grape gorilla really yeah you know in the morning what would my spirit animal be uh definitely something mystical that doesn't really exist

like maybe a centaur oh centaur or probably what about um minotaur minotaur i feel like half man half man half something yeah or maybe like what's a half man, half bat? A ban. A Batman. A ban. I'm Batman. A ban. I always wanted to be Batman when I was a kid, by the way. Was that your guy?

It's the only superhero I liked. He was dark. I don't watch superhero movies. Yeah, that's why I like him. Yeah, I think he's one of the cooler superheroes. He's by far the coolest. He's got the best backstory. Yep.

And the coolest cape. You killed my parents, I'm going to fucking murder everybody. Yes. And he's got a little bit of love, but killed my parents. I'm going to fucking murder everybody. Yes. And he's got a little bit of love, but it's overshadowed by all the darkness. Yeah, that's like all my past relationships. Yeah. We're all my exes. Your dating past were all Batman.

They lived in caves. And they had this horrible childhood trauma. Did they always have a butler? They always had a British butler? Just a really great butler. Great snacks. That's kind of nice. But emotional abuse. But you know, whatever. Hey a really great butler. Great snacks. That's kind of nice. But emotional abuse.

But you know, whatever. Hey. It's all good. Who cares? Hey. Who cares? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth.

I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. Jessime Paluso. Oh, you mean it? I mean it. Every day. You honestly are one of mine. You wanted to pour a little bit of this, and I said, why don't we do it? This is some Buffalo Trace, baby.

Kentucky straight bourbon, bitch. I was like, let's have a little sip in the AM. We're adults. Cheers for whiskey ginger. We're adults. We can do whatever we want. L'chaim. Are you Jewish?

Uh-uh. No? No. But I like to, you know. What does l'chaim mean? To health? Drunk. Oh, it just means drunk.

No, I don't know. What does it mean? Cheers, right? Cheers? Maybe cheers. Salud? Salud? Salud.

Salud means cheers. Salud. Maybe l'chaim. know what does it mean cheers cheers maybe cheers salute salute salute means cheers salute um maybe what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if

what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what Um, stay away from the racist shit. We didn't know. These honestly are really great podcasting chairs. They're nice, right? They're comfy. Yeah. You can rock a little bit if you need to.

It feels like some really terrible psychiatric news was delivered in these chairs. Oh, big time. These are from the 60s, so for sure this was like acid trip freak out. Yeah. Yeah. Like terrible, terrible stuff. Let's pretend that you're here. I'm your therapist here.

And go ahead and tell me what's going on. Jessamy, what's been bothering you lately? I had a panic attack on the massage table yesterday. I really did. You did? Yeah. Of all places. Wait a minute.

Did you get high before you got a massage? I don't think I did. Sometimes I've been baked before and got a massage and I did not enjoy it. I did. I ate edibles. Yeah, if I get too high and then get a massage, for some reason I'm in my head a massage and I did not enjoy it. I did. I ate edibles. Yeah. If I get too high and they get a massage, for some reason I'm in my head too deep.

I was way too deep. And then I was like, then I thought that I was controlling her rubbing my body. That's how deep it got. Wow. Yeah. Out of body experience. Wow. And then I opened my eyes.

I don't ever recommend opening your eyes and you get a massage because you just, I feel like that's a wall, that fourth wall you don't want to break. Don't break it. I opened and her eyes were closed and she was like really into rubbing my body and it just freaked me out. It fucked you up, huh? It fucked me up. You were on your back with your head facing up.

Yeah. Because like I say, when I open my eyes and you're in like the face smosh and it's just so weird. You're drooling and they're like, how the pressure you're like yes fine um this is like could you make sure i know you always sound like an idiot inside of those face these fat face smosh thing and there's always like a puddle of drool that's coming out of my face and there's like stuff dripping out of your nose oh i feel so disgusting and then when they say flip over i'm always embarrassed to flip over i do naked you do You do naked or not? Oh, bald naked. I don't understand why people have clothes on.

I'm going to keep a thong on. It's so weird. She gets near my butthole. So the one lady that I had that I've requested a few times, she's not afraid of my ass, because I love getting my ass rubbed. Get in there. Get my fucking ass.

Give that to the title of the episode. Not afraid of my ass. She's not afraid of my ass. It should be a rap song. She puts one thumb in my asshole, another thumb in my asshole, and then spreads me. And she goes,

she tugboats me. You ever been tugboated? I know, but I thought. It's my favorite. Oh my God, I'm literally dying. Where do I go to get a massage? I can't say the place. Ty, you gotta go Ty.

Ty is probably the way to go. Tie all the way. Those women get their heels into your childhood trauma. Well, because they're taking out all their aggression for being like- Repressed.

Yeah, repressed. And in a terrible communist society. Treated like shit for so many years that they're like, come to America for this fucking piece of shit

to rub you, you fucking bitch. You rich bitch with your nice fucking person. They sound German. They are German. They're all German. I really honestly thought you were going to say when she spread your cheek that she like

whispered secrets into your butt hole and shut them. I don't enjoy my life. And I have to suck that up in my ass and eat it. And then you fart it later in line at Starbucks and someone's like, he doesn't enjoy his life. Yeah, but when the fart comes out, it goes. It's just crying. It's a cry. That that guy fart a tear is that guy farting tears maybe episode title number two tell me about your panic attack I want to know oh yeah so I like how did you I because I can't handle edibles and I put a couple drops in my in my tea tincture is

that what you had tincture yeah tincture yeah that stuff will it can it sneaks up yeah and so then i'm just like getting massaged and then next thing i know i'm like just rolling back i'm just in like my head and i can't enjoy the massage and i was like if i can't enjoy the massage i'm never gonna enjoy anything in life this is the most calm peaceful moment that i should have out of the week here i am worried that there's a tsunami coming yeah you know it was a weird it it was strange. You had overwhelming panic. I had overwhelming panic while I was getting a massage. Yeah, I don't like that at all.

That's weird. It's just unfortunate because that's supposed to be so chill. But why did you get in your head, do you think? What started it? What was the first initial thought that was like, fuck. There's got to be a trigger, right? Has to be. Probably like just worried about bombing on stage every day.

Do you think, is the stand up the trigger? No, you do so well. What are you talking about? Like, well, there's gotta be a legitimate trigger there. You're right. It's not standup. I thought you were just gonna sip the- What if I just started eating these nuggets?

Are you eating weed? Yeah, yep. In the middle of the podcast, I'd rather eat some weed. It's 8 a.m. Yep, I'm eating weed. You bet your ass I'm eating weed. I didn't get breakfast, so I'm just gonna eat some grape hybrid.

I honestly- What's the trigger? I don't know what the trigger was. What's bugging you right now in life? Um, maybe that I'm going too hard. Oh, you're, you're too much. Maybe burning this, the burning at both ends. Can I tell you something? I feel like the exact same.

You do this today alone. Ready today? Yeah. I got this. Then I got to go to TV taping with David Spade for his new comedy central show. Then I got to go to Tyler Tiger belly. Then I got to go to two shows with Rogan. Then I leave tomorrow morning to go fly all the way toade for his new Comedy Central show. Then I got to go to Tiger Belly. Then I got to go to two shows with Rogan. Then I leave tomorrow morning

to go fly all the way to Baltimore, Philly, Atlantic City. Are you going with Rogan? With Joe, yeah. So I just like, my days are smashed. Are you sleeping? No, sleeping is for fucking weak people. Fuck sleep, it's for the weak. And then you're just like during the day like...

You know what's so funny? My mom nods off. Like my mom can sleep anywhere and she can just sit in a chair and just be like... Oh God, I'm so envious of those people. Me too, but lately it's been happening to me. I think it's because I've overworked my body. Yeah.

I'm working it way too hard. And you're just like literally, are you on fumes or do you feel good? Do you feel like, what's your... It's day to day. I feel like that's what most parents say about being parents. It's day to day. being parents it's day to day

in fact we just went to we went out to breakfast and then I had to go grab some stuff from the liquor store you know for the family and no not this we had this but I had to go grab some stuff from the liquor store and the guy goes the guy's like hey you got kids out of nowhere

I was like no I don't have any kids he goes you'm fucking overrated as he's peeling off the price tags of the wine bottles i go man this dude's lived a fucking life you could tell some shit has happened but he just looked at me out of nowhere he's like yeah i can't like he had obviously just got off the phone with his fucking bratty ass kid and like probably something was demanded of him from his wife to like do something overwhelmed he was probably so overwhelmed and had to say it to somebody. I was the guy.

I've spent the past week with my sister and her children and they're honestly adorable. But holy hell, is it a lot of work? She has two and they're toddlers and the two-year-old, the girl, there's the devils in her. Yeah.

They look at you. Have you ever been disarmed by a look of a two-year-old? Are you kidding me? Yes. Every time I see a two-year-old i get freaked out i don't know what they're thinking i know they're little angry robots they are little angry robots and they just they're ready to destroy they want to break

everything they see yeah their arms are really stiff i know they are and then like they're almost like a ghost in the house because you turn your head two seconds all the picture frames are off the fucking wall you're like what the hell how did you reach kids are just like apparitions they come and they go they fuck shit up they give you uncomfortable feelings inside of your chest what are they doing yeah you need help you call and you call a priest like i can't do this alone it is so true i you know i i do definitely want to have kids but i think that the when i see friends that that have one is chill one is chill because you can give it a cute name

you take time with the outfits make the cute snacks three is a fucking pure panic two is like three is like absurdist

four people that have four and above you deserve to get shot you do that's insane unless you're Mormon or an Orthodox

still what are we talking about or a Mexican those are the three people I'm like yeah Mexicans Orthodox Mormons Orthodox, Mormons. Yeah, and Mormons. Yeah, that's actually true.

They can just keep having them. Keep having them. Maybe, maybe if we want to step out on a limb, we'll say the Amish, but they're not watching. No, they're not watching. You know what I mean? They don't have, well, actually we do have an Amish feed. Oh, you do? Yeah.

Is it just someone literally feed, is it just feeding a cow? It's a guy that is a non-Mormon that listens to the show, and then he tells them what happened every week. Does he do like a little act out after service? Yeah, he does a live stage play of what we look like and stuff. He dresses up like us. Is it terrible that I have my feet on your psychiatric chair? No, I want your feet up. I want people to be comfortable in this fucking room.

I'm just... This is comfy shit. I'm more comfortable here than I was getting my massage. Yeah, because you're not going to have a panic attack in my, my studio. I can't, I can't believe that you went down that rabbit hole. Cause I've had a few bad panic attacks, but they always happen. They've happened in my past. Cause I've talked about it on the podcast about me having anxiety and depression, but in what any panic attacks I've had were induced by genuine, uh, genuine thoughts of like, something is going to go wrong with whatever I'm dealing with in my life.

Like something real you're stressing about. And then for you, like what happens in a panic attack? And like, because I'm newer to it for the past year and a half I've had them. So the number one thing that everybody says, and I've talked about this before too, but the number one thing that people say that they hear in their head is I'm going to die. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's extremely common. In fact, medically so. They've done a ton of research over why death is the ultimate trigger. For people of all walks of life, they assume that this is the body going, what the fuck was that?

Did you hear that? Oh, that's across the street. Dude, that almost sent me into a panic attack. I was like, somebody's house just blew up. Oh, yeah. I was like, what was that? Well, now we're going to die. Now we're going to die.

Whatever your neighbor is gearing up. Death is the trigger for panic to get worse. So people assume that the feelings that they're having, that's what they think. Oh, I must be dying. And so then it compiles. Oh, that makes sense. So it compiles and your brain goes, oh, I must be dying. And so then it compiles. Oh, that makes sense. So it compiles and your brain goes, well, if I'm not dying, something is tragically wrong. If something's not tragically wrong, then I'm broken and I can't be

fixed. And if, you know, like you keep piling onto thinking like. You try to find the source of it. Yes. But you're really just, you're just manifesting all these things on your own. All this stuff is self-induced. Yeah. The brain is fucking powerful. The brain is, it's its own universe, man. It's crazy. We'll never be able to understand why we go through these waves. So of the millions and millions of people that have been documented talking about panic attacks,

the parallels that they seem to have are the moment it's induced, there's a flush feeling. Sometimes you feel like hot flashes. Yes, you just like a whole flush. Whole body flush. And you feel like this could be what it feels like before you die.

Because we have no documentation of what people actually feel like the moment before they die. No. Only like the NDEs, like near-death experiences. But even then. It's not. That's all speculative because it's still in their head, essentially. So this is almost like the closest that we imagine it would be like to feeling like you're going to die. Because your body does feel like it's about to shut off.

It does. For some weird reason. And your heart rate. When your heart rate goes. Like I feel like for me, like it's the flush. It's It does. For some weird reason. And your heart rate, when your heart rate goes, like I feel like for me, like it's the flush, it's the heart rate, the hot weight.

Hot weight. It's in my hot weight. And then it's like, the thoughts are like. So overwhelming. So overwhelming. Right. How do you stop yours?

There's this grounding technique that sends me into another panic attack. You have another panic attack on top of your panic attack? You have another panic attack on top of your panic attack? Well, it's this grounding technique that I've tried. It's called 5-4-3-2-1.

What is that? You identify five things around you. You touch four. Oh, yes. I know that. That whole. And so I forget which goes where. And I'm like,

oh God, I can't ground myself. I must be dying. Like, am I touching a wall? Is it a bear? I don't know what I see. Like, I must be dying like am I touching a wall is it a bear I don't know what I see like I just it gets in your head deep it gets worse because you can't really think cognitively like when you're having a panic attack you really don't think straight that's what the weirdest part is it's not logical no it's kind of thoughts keep shooting from different parts parts of your mind that's what's hardest to um control is you you you'd like to think that you could do go down this path of like, here are the ways

that I can fix this and get out. I have my own ways. How? What are one of your? Well, dude, you know the old shitty phrase, this too shall pass? You know that? Yeah. I do repeat that pretty heavily in my head when I, and I haven't had one in a long, long

time. Years and years and years. But when I did, I used to go, this too shall pass, this too shall pass. And I would go through these breathing exercises. When I used to run track, you know, everyone mouth breathes until you get good at track and long distance running. And you learn that it's in the nose, out the mouth, in the nose, out the mouth. It regulates. I'm like. You're doing it now. Yeah. It regulates your breathing cycle. And it actually will slow

your heart rate down if you go in your nose and out your mouth. Because you actually have to focus on it because it's not a natural way to breathe. Exactly. So you're being more conscious about the cycle. So it naturally helps you slow down. So I would do that. And then this is very cheesy and hysterical and stupid. Put a finger in your own butt. I would put a finger in my own ass and then I would lick it and then put it back in. No, I would, I would sing. I would sing in my head. Don't be, come on, let it out. Whiskey ginger. Take it easy. out whiskey ginger take it easy the song take it easy Eagles

take it easy oh it's such a it's such a great song I don't it just for some reason the melody is perfectly calming enough for me

yeah it is like it's a little gentle wave and the word is like take it easy take it easy don't let the don't let the sound of your own wheels

drive you crazy is the lyrics yo and I genuinely love that song because it would get in my head and I would feel a sense of calmness. I used to put in headphones and walk around college when I would have a panic attack. So I'd walk around my neighborhood when I started a panic.

So you'd actually have panic attacks? Oh, man. I used to have them fucking incessantly. Why do you think? Do you know what the source was or when the first time was? I mean, I did. I talked about this one time before on the show. I had ocular migraines.

I would go blind in one eye. I had migraines so bad I'd go blind. And then, of course, I got a million CAT scans. Am I dying? It was all this stuff. It was really just induced from like lack of sleep, overwork, too much caffeine, way too much stress. And I was peeling my body apart.

I was working out every day. I would go basketball. Then I would run. And then I'd go lift weights. Damn. And then I'd party all night with friends. And so I was just doing too many things all the time. Right, not giving your body any recovery time.

My body was like, hey man, fuck you. Your body's like, ah! It just breaks. Well, if you're not gonna listen, I'm gonna shoot a lightning bolt through your fucking eye socket. See if you slow down now. I'd go fucking blind.

Yeah, my body was just like, all right, we won't make him see anymore. You think he can party? Let's make this motherfucker not be able to see. There's logic to that. Like, you right, we won't make him see anymore. He thinks he can party? Let's make this motherfucker not be able to see. There's logic to that. Sure. Like, you know, your body talks. Our body literally is telling us what's wrong.

Yep. You know, and I'm a firm believer that, like, not to get any cheesier than you just got. No, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I opened up my heart to you. But, like, you know, what you eat, your sleep, your mental health, all these things, especially food. Food talks to your body. Like, you know, the DNA that's in the food connects to the DNA in your body and it fixes

stuff. Yeah. And so if you're not getting what you need, like you were so stressed and overwhelmed and probably not replenishing the nutrients, your body's like. Yep. It breaks. It breaks. Your body's like a toddler.

Like, what the. I need something. Right. Give me a goddamn apple. Yeah. Can I get a fucking Fuji? a toddler. Like, what the, I need something. Right. Get me a goddamn apple. Yeah. Can I get a fucking Fuji? Can I get a fucking apple? Can I get a-

Can I get a gala apple, please? Can I get a Red Delicious stat? Can I please get a Granny Smith apple up in this motherfucker for some sugar and some nutrition? Is there a kumquat in the house? Who buys kumquat? There's no way somebody purchases that. It looks so difficult to eat

yeah you know how hungry the person who discovered that artichokes were edible must have been oh we have artichoke plants in our front yard and they're the ugliest things i've ever seen in my life it's like you don't even get a lot of meat out of it and you have to cook it to be able to get to the supple parts of the of the actual artichoke right the heart itself like you have to just really it has to be singed and cooked and softened otherwise you're just chewing on an old hard plant and so do i i need to be singed cooked i just i want to see that that's that's you really want to warm me up baby singe cook me and soften me artichoke it babe let's go artichoke that pussy baby artichoke that pussy you had to be hungry to eat any of that stuff. You really do.

Pineapple would have been a nightmare. Pomegranate? Pomegranate. What a nightmare. What? A nightmare. No payoff. Even on my best day

I'm not eating a pomegranate. Stains your fingers when you're trying to do it. It's terrible. It may be good for makeup but not for eating. It is good for makeup. I mean it stains.

It does stain. People have used pomegranate juice and beet juice and stuff back in the day. Do you know how to open a pomegranate the right way? I just kind of smash it against a wall. Smart't even do you do you no you do underwater do you know that really isn't that cool get yourself a bowl like a popcorn bowl

you get yourself a fucking bowl don't tell me to get a bowl i'll get you a bowl get yourself a popcorn bowl fill it up with water and open the palm and cut through the pomegranate underwater and then what happens it's well it breaks it up easier so it doesn't splatter and stain everywhere and then you can literally crunch it underwater and get out all the seeds and the seeds sink to the bottom where the hell do you discover that you too because the first time we tried to do a pomegranate at the house i was like there's fucking pomegranate on the ceiling you fucking open it got went everywhere it was like in my eye on the cabinets it's fucking annoying all over the dog It was like in my eye, on the cabinets. It's fucking annoying.

All over the dog. She was soaked in pomegranate juice. A week later, you find a seed in her ear. Son of a bitch. I was straining her out to get some of the juice out of her fucking fur so I could put it back in a cup. Yeah, it went everywhere. And I was like, this is so dumb. I need to learn how to do this. You sell this house and people are changing the vents.

And they're like, what is that? You know, we found pomegranate seeds everywhere. Literally all over this home. You should do that as a vid. That's so fucking funny. Pomegranate seeds everywhere? Yeah, that's good shit. Well, you know what I'm yet to find in the new place

that we're moved into now? That I just geotagged on Instagram? No, I didn't. Just kidding. Please. No, people band-. Yeah, please. No, no people, people, people, um, you know, bandaid problems at the home. And we're slowly finding like cheap things that people do to the house that you have to fix up. But I haven't found any fun nuggets. Like when we leave this house, I'm definitely going to leave fun nuggets. Oh,

you have to leave a nugget. Nobody, nobody left anything cool or funny or quirky or weird or in the door jam, something fun. Leave me something like, um, you know, like a little note, hide little notes all around the house when you move out that are funny or cool or quirky or weird in the door jam something fun leave me something something like you know like a little note hide little notes all around the house when you move out that are funny or cool or quirky or weird

why not leave a little message yes let me know you were here like an old you know what I'm gonna do in the old sockets you know like an old

like old phone sockets yeah you know I'm gonna open those up and I'm gonna leave a note inside of them because at some point you're gonna rip out all these things anyway

yeah you're gonna rip it out what are you gonna write a cute little note that says we're always watching you oh my god it should be a picture of you shirtless just like we're always watching you yeah i want to leave something fucked up when i you gotta have some fun when you leave the thing you know you do and i think like you know keeping the message going is important it really paying it forward, Oprah. Like this weekend. Did Oprah say that?

She did pay it forward. She goes, pay it forward. Yeah. And then that movie came out with Haley Jo Osmond. Not as good. Not as good. And Kevin Spacey, touchy touchy. What happened to him?

I mean. Kevin, come on in. Here comes Kevin. Kevin, come out of the closet. You guys know. I don't, you know, I mean. You got to pay it forward a little bit. I think you got to leave little nuggets of life

to make you laugh and them laugh I've talked about it before on stage but I used to valet cars and this is back in the days of CDs and my favorite thing to do

was to switch CDs from one car to another car you'd give people CDs away I would swap CDs I would take one from like a Mercedes and put it in a ballroom like a Gordon Lightfoot

I'd swap out like Hootie and the Bullfish and Tupac and it was my favorite thing to do I just thought it was hilarious and yeah and yeah yeah yeah dre's 2001 with yanni's best hits i would just to me it was like i gave them both a nugget of laughter yeah because how mad how mad could you really be how mad can you be it's a cd yeah especially to have like who can say maybe that's exactly what that guy needed to just cry it out on the way home after eating to have like, who can say where the road could blast it?

Maybe that's exactly what that guy needed to just cry it out on the way home after eating a buccadepeppo. You know what I mean? That's where I valet buccadepeppo.

Buccadepeppo. Is that where you like, is that one of your first gigs out here? No, no, no, no. That was in college. My first gig out here was working

in the music industry. Doing what? Visas for bands to tour around the world. It was crazy. I literally would get permits for bands to travel all over the world. That had criminal records.

That's what I would do. You know you can't go to Japan if you have a criminal record. They have to check your lyrics. They have to check your lyrics? They have to approve it. Because you can't have hate speech against the country. They just want to make sure that everything is kosher. You can't say like, your songs can't be like, fuck Japan or burn.

They're just protecting their governmental whatever. I mean, it's crazy over there. That's wild. But I did that for a long time. I got E. coli in Japan. What? Yeah. Did you really?

I think I just had way too much sushi. My body wasn't feeling it. Well, it's not yet. Sushi isn't good for you to have all of the time. No. You should switch it up. There's stuff in it. Yeah, mercury.

There's mercury. There's little buggies. How long were you there for? About a week. Yeah, we were there for two and a half weeks. It was the longest time I've ever spent somewhere. It's beautiful there. It's unequivocally my favorite country.

I've said that. If someone said you could either go to Japan once a year for the rest of your life, or you could go anywhere in the world for just a couple of days for the rest of your life, I was like, I'll go to Japan every single year, over and over and over. I probably would too. The people are beautiful yeah like not aesthetically also aesthetically but just no they're very ugly people but their nature is pretty you're fuck cherry blossoms the cherry blossoms are beautiful they're beautiful people i'm not

that's just not my i'm saying like the country is gorgeous in the in their the way the society is like how they treat you in the tradition yes there's still tradition there it makes you realize how obnoxious americans are well we just don't uh you know we have our own things that are wonderful i just think we don't we just don't take a lot of pride in um patience and they very much so do oh they're all about patience but that's a tradition of their culture for thousands of years like we were talking about you know i've bragged about japan on every podcast i've ever done because i fuck i do really say that's funny save your fucking money and go god you gotta go if anybody has thought about it please just i mean like so beautiful people like i want to go to europe first it's like dude fuck europe you'll

get to europe yeah you'll get to Europe. Watch Hostel. That's all you need to fucking know. You want to go to Europe, watch Hostel. Watch Hostel. You got it. Hey, you've been. Now you've been. You've seen Taken? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go follow U2 and see how that turns out. Check that out. Find out how bad that goes. Adam Sandler just put out a movie about another fucking traveling around the world and how bad it gets fucked up everywhere. See how great it is for white chicks in Europe. In Europe, yeah. Japan is great because everyone has a,

they have a penance for patience. They just are cool about being like, this will take a while and everyone's chill about it. It really is. So it transfers to you. You're just like,

you have to. Like when you order a drink in Japan, it doesn't come right away. It's not like America's like, what do you want? What do you want, bud? What do you got?

What do you got? They take your order and then you sit and they make your drink and they hand chip the ice because they don't have ice machines and it's just like America's like, what do you want? What do you want, bud? What do you got? What do you got? They take your order. You sit down. And then you sit and they make your drink. Yeah. And they hand chip the ice because they don't have ice machines. And it's just like a nice, melodic, smooth, we'll get it to you. There is no pressure to be like, in America, it's like you sit down.

You're like, we got to eat. We got to go. Yeah, we got to eat. Got to go. What are we doing next? What are we doing after that? What's the fourth thing? How are we going to go to sleep?

What time do you want to go to bed? What time do you want to wake up? Can I do this? That's it. Why can't I sleep? Why am I stressed out? That's American culture. The moment the plate comes. Go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, the moment they serve the food in America, you're like, give me the check. Yep. Give me the check. I going to wake up? Can I do this? That's it. Why can't I sleep? Why am I stressed out? That's American culture. The moment the plate comes.

Go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, the moment they serve the food in America, you're like, give me the check. Yep. Give me the check. I got to go. I want four desserts. I'm ready to go. It's insane.

Yeah. It does make you realize how fast paced your own existence has been. That's why we crash. Up until that point. Yeah, it is why we crash. That's why we crash. But on the other hand, Japanese get one of the highest suicide rates in the world. That's because they put pressure on themselves.

Yeah. That's different they put pressure on themselves. That's different. Like the performance. Oof. The pressure to succeed in Japan is so much, is significantly higher than it is here. Yep.

We also have a little bit more of a societal crutch. Like as much as like we can talk shit, people talk shit about America being like not helping out those that are less fortunate. If you ever travel the world,

you're like, we're everywhere. We're pretty fucking good good like yeah we could be better as a country without a doubt so could i mean of course but like there's some countries that don't give a no fuck about those below like they don't give a fuck it's it they're like i mean they're trash they step all over them and almost every other it's disgusting yeah it's really disgusting and so we're we're bad for sure but when you do travel the world and you see how other countries treat people without that you're like wow dude that's pretty brash and they don't give a fuck no they don't we are more advanced in that and it's like we do have our own little caste system but i feel like in other countries especially

like third world where it's a little bit more you know uh dire the whole whoever's not in that caste system like the lowest one. Yeah. Everyone else in the other systems beat the shit out of the lowest one. They do. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's accepted.

Totally. It's almost a part of that culture. So it's a strange, once you get out like into different countries, once you start going like Middle East, Japan, even parts of of europe and you really see how different each society lives it just i don't know man it kind of like it makes you appreciate what we do have here in america yes that's what's beautiful that's what i think people need people talk shit about america i'm not like a fucking hardcore nationalist but i do take a lot of pride in this country and i don't like when people fucking shit on us because it's like, dude, we're a pretty wonderful fucking place to live.

Yeah, we are. Why are we shitting all over us? People are digging tunnels to try to get here. Get here, dude. Like, this is a great fucking, I just don't like when we do that, when they're like, fuck fucking American bullshit.

It's like, yeah, dude, we need to fix problems. Yes, there is no utopian society. Right. There's no perfect place. We have to figure out how to extinguish the Kardashians. We we're getting we're getting there we're learning there you know tv's dying so you know that could be the start it is yeah we can start cutting the cord completely but but you've done well you've gone um you've done troop tours how many times have you done for the troops um i did the christmas uso tour right that was middle east and then i did japan

yeah that was in um february did Japan. Yeah, you did Japan. That was in February. I thought you went to Middle East twice. Am I wrong? I'm wrong. It was a two week. It was long.

Oh, okay, okay. It was just long. I thought you were there twice. The chairman. How tight is that? It was like because he was one of the elite in the military.

We got to travel his level of travel. Whoa. Which was like we were on Air Force Two. What the fuck? And I was like you know just like total trading places. I'm like what we were on Air Force Two. What the fuck? And I was like, you know, just like total trading places.

I'm like, what the fuck? You're like, y'all have a pooper on this thing? Y'all got toilet paper? Yes, there's a bathroom. Y'all got soft toilet paper? Jessamyn, please don't poop in the middle of the plane. It was wild, you know? And like just traveling in like huge like C-17s and getting dropped off in a heli, like one of those, like planes

that just land straight and then getting picked up and then brought to another place. They take off up. Yep. They're like helicopter planes. Yep. That shit blows my fucking mind. It's wild. The military has the wildest shit.

Yeah. Sometimes they fly over. I was golfing deep north in the valley and, you know, they have, when they're going down to the base, you know, they fly, they just fly back and forth for, for test runs and all that stuff. Yeah. With like their Chinooks and their aspirin. So badass. You know what you call it?

Osprey. Osprey. Osprey. Those are so cool. Yeah. So fucking dope. Yeah. When you see them,

you're like, wow, that just cost a million bucks to see, you know what I mean? It was a million dollars flying by. It's awesome. It's tight. It shows the world that we not to be fucked with.

No, not at all. And like, fuck with all. And like- Fuck with us. I've talked about it on stage two about like one of the pilots of a C-17, which is like one of those really big airplanes you can play catch football. Actually, people were playing football on the belly. They're fucking huge.

Huge. There's like a whole workstation. Like it's a huge plane. And we got to go up in the cockpit and everything because there's no security issue because we're all there. Because they'll kill you if you try to fuck them up. Yeah, right. Try some shit.

See what fucking happens. There probably was like 10 of us on the talent side. Probably another six or seven handlers from the USO. Probably about 10 like legitimate military. And then maybe about 20 military guards. Wow. There's a pack of us traveling around including like the chairman and everybody. A plane that fits like 5,000 people, by the way. I mean, huge, huge plane. That was just 25 people. Yeah. There's a pack of us traveling around including like the chairman and everybody.

A plane that fits like 5,000 people by the way. I mean huge, huge plane. That was just 25 people that's on a plane. And we're just like running around and I went to go up

in the cockpit and the pilot was this 21 year old chick. 21 dude. She looks so young. I was like, do you have your license? 21's from Pennsylvania.

Fuck. And she had like a male co-pilot. She was like texting her friends. I'm like, yo, you need to pay attention to this. She's like, about to land, LOL.

What are you doing later? At BRB. Just going to Afghanistan right quick. You forget that's how young a lot of the troops are. They're quote unquote kids to us because when you're young, you see the troops and you just think these are just grown old adults. Yeah, you think they're grown men and grown women. And they are grown people. It's just they're just so young on the scale these are young

young kids i mean i'd have to say from all the troops that we met the average age is like early 20s yeah 23 24 absolutely besides like you know the generals and well the higher ups who've been around there forever but they were there when they were that's i'm saying they started there and they yeah i i i commend the fuck out of them i'm not uh i don't need to get on a huge kick but uh you know for every jag off that has something like negative to say about any of that stuff i'm always like are you gonna go are you gonna volunteer you're gonna fucking do that dude you're gonna leave your family and your children your wife and your husband your dog no for no you're like you're forever you like your keurig and you like your fucking morning walks with your pop and you don't

think about the sacrifice that it comes with. And like, honestly, before I did the tours, I knew a little bit, but I had no idea. Like we were able to spend some time with some of the troops after the shows and just hearing their stories, hearing where they came from, why they got into the military. Some of them are like total, you know, it's a career move. Some of them, their family, it's just been a career move some of them their family it's just been three four generations of it right it's it's it's really interesting to see people who choose to defend the country for a job it's fucking wild it's wild because it's not just a job that becomes their whole life yep and a lot of them can't get out of it they come back into society we have no you know system or no

re-acclimation really for them to fully get back in. It's almost like coming out of prison in a sense. Yeah. As far as like the mentality, it's a hard adjustment. Totally. That's why a lot of people want to go back to prison. People that go to prison for a long, long time, they're so uncomfortable that they're

like, I don't know, the inside is kind of fucking chill. Yeah, the inside is kind of chill. I know when the meals come in. Yeah. I know when to eat, when to play, when to hang. Yeah. It is wild. It is. Well, I mean, you know, we do the same kind of chill. I know when the meals come in. Yeah. The outside world is chaos. When to play, when to hang. Yeah. It is wild. It is.

Well, I mean, you know, we do the same kind of bullshit. We have the idea that we've decided we're going to entertain people for the rest of our lives and we sacrifice our mental health

and integrity to do it. I mean, look, you put up... And spending time with family. Yes, we sacrifice that kind of stuff. Obviously, it's nowhere near what military does, but I just think like everyone does make their own little

sacrifice if you really care about what you're doing a lot of people take jobs and they just work jobs that they kind of have to do and it's like whatever fuck it right they don't they don't want to challenge or just like all right this is what i do and that's and that's fine if if you're like i just want to you know i i i work to live i don't live to work a lot of people and we need those people that's a functioning part of society. But we do things like you make me laugh. You put up videos. I want to know how this started.

You put up videos of the horse head in your shower on your Instagram. And it makes every time I'm like, I know it's coming, but I'm still going to laugh at it. I know it's coming. I bought more masks. I bought more masks. That's the name of your next album. I bought more masks. I got a high one on Amazon because I've used, you know, I got my unicorn mask, my

Yoda and my Trump mask. That's right, the Trump one. That was the last one I saw. And people, I put the Trump mask on. Some people thought it was my face. What? Is your face... Do you look like... Are you Trump? Am I Trump?

You're Trump. In the morning. You're Trump in the morning. Until like 11 a.m. Really? Someone thought that was your face? A few... Not someone. Multiple people were like, oh, we were... You have a rash? Do I have a rash? Oh my God. It's a Trump mask. Here's the first thing I do to that. Block. Block.

Block. So I had to buy more masks. I think I look like fucking Trump. Yeah, you had to buy more. God. It's a Trump mask. Here's the first thing I do to that. Block, block, block. So I had to buy more masks. I think I look like fucking Trump. Yeah, you had to buy more. Yeah. Don't tell us what it is because I want to be surprised. I won't tell you what it is. How did that start?

What was the impetus for you? Like, you were just like, this is funny to me. Yeah, I just, like, I was thinking about, because I was singing in the shower. Some, like, old school hip hop was on. And I was dancing, you know.

Do you ever dance in the shower? What? Just like sing. That's all I, what do I do in the shower? Yeah, exactly. Like you let it out. All I do is I yell, I sing, I talk. I yell at, you know. Do you ever dance in the shower? What? Just like sing. That's all I, what do I do in the shower? Yeah, exactly. Like you let it out. All I do is I yell, I sing, I talk, I yell at ideas.

Cry. I don't ever cry in the shower. Really? I cry, I don't cry often. I wish I cried more. I've said that before. I wish I fucking could cry. When's the last time you cried?

I'm going to cry class at UCLA Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Learning how to cry. Cry. Yeah. Learning how to cry. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Who teaches that? Actually, we teach ourselves. Is it just you? Do you go alone? I just go sit in a room for about

an hour and a half and I pay $10,000 a month to do it. I'm sure it's a good investment. It's working. In those tear ducts. It's working. I've had one little drop. That was sweat. Learning how to cry. Yeah. I wish I could cry, but I can't. In the shower, mostly I'm talking out loud, singing, dancing, or I'm going through a bit. If I find a good bit, and then I'll have to write on the glass. I write on the glass. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, I write something on the glass so as soon as I get out, I can look at it and I can put it in my phone.

That's smart. Yeah. I think of a lot of ideas in the shower. I just want to put my phone in there. I want the phones to be completely waterproof. Yeah, why aren't they? They're as close as they say they can be but dude they should be to a point when it's like you can leave this in the fucking tub for a month it'll still work you know what i mean like at some point it should be so beyond waterproof it should just be like yeah do it

fuck it no it doesn't matter no because they wouldn't then that's the one thing they're not going to make money off of if you drop everyone drops it how many times if you've been like you well probably not for you because your dude is different but like when you go to the bathroom and your phone's in your back pocket that's not true because i put my phone in my back pocket sometimes and i've dropped it i've i've pulled up my pants and it's flown out oh if i'm taking a shitsky doodles it's wrong right i took a shitsky doodles at the airport at fucking and what was i in like atlanta right out of my pant back pants pocket right in there like in the shit water? Landed on a turd. Did you grab it? Landed on a turd.

I did. And I didn't put it in rice. I wanted something more powerful. What'd you put it in? Noodles. Noodles. I put it in noodles. Like a nice soba?

Soba noodles. I thought rice, Asian noodles, close enough. Threw in some noodles. Did not do the job. Do you crap anywhere? Yeah, for sure.

If I have to shit, I have to shit. I'm an equal opportunity crapper the crapper yeah i go anywhere i'm more likely to shit anywhere in public than i am at your house i'm scared of it somebody else's house yeah because you know i'm at your place then you're limit then you're really putting them at risk you know what one bad flush and then you got to have that awkward moment where you're like i i just ruined your life. I ruined your life. And mine. There's a floater. I ruined both of our lives. There's an orca in your toilet and I can't be held responsible. I'm gonna leave and I'm gonna let you deal with

that. Did you ever have to ask for a plunger at somebody's house? Yes, I have at a party. At a house party. No! You fucker. Yeah, I had to ask for a plunger because I did you lay a baby wildebeest in there? My stomach was so upset I had to take a dukers and I went and oh my God. I did a courtesy flush too.

I did a halfie. Didn't matter. People who don't courtesy flush. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Shame. It's for real. What are you doing? I courtesy flushed for myself. You should. Yeah. I don't want to sit on that. No, absolutely.

I don't want those vapors in my gentle butt skin. Yes, in your beautiful, gentle butt skin. My beautiful, baby, cherobic butt skin. I don't want all that up there. I don't want all that. Heat lines, you know what I mean? Heat lines! I imagine there's some kind of waves coming off.

Hi, DVD title number three. Heat lines. Heat lines coming at you this summer. I think we've got 19 different lines of what we're going to call our albums. I know. That's my favorite thing to do, to title things. Have you been running around a lot on the road? Or what are you doing lately?

What's going on? Yeah, I was. I did my fun Miami shows. Have you been to Key West? No. It's magical. No, I've never been to Key West. Key West is magical.

Is it? It is. It feels like a different country. It's a pure island town. Yeah. Very gay friendly. Very clean. Right. pure island town. Yeah. Very gay friendly. Very clean. Right.

Florida itself, South Florida is very gay friendly. South Florida is very gay friendly. Yeah, in general. And there's street cock, kind of like Tampa. Oh, street cocks. Street cocks.

There's cocks everywhere on the streets. That's exactly right. Cox everywhere on the street. Not dudes. Not dudes. Cox, actual roosters. Tampa's the worst. Tampa's, there's roosters on every corner.

Ybor City. They're janky. Yeah. You know, you gotta do, a rooster looks like he's been's the worst. Tampa's, there's roosters on every corner. Ybor City. They're janky. Yeah. You know, you gotta do, a rooster looks like he's been through the system. He's got like half a beak and he's got like a tattoo

on the remaining. He's got a couple of face tattoos. Yeah, and he's got like one fucking janky feather and he's like, hey, what's going on? I don't know why he's Mexican.

Yeah, why is he Mexican? I don't know. He just had like that vibe. Maybe he was. He was eating a churro. Oh, that's why. That makes perfect sense. Those are so good. A rooster drinking a horchata you're like that's a mexican rooster there's no doubt

that's a mexican that's a great image there's roosters all over the keys too yeah they're all over that's so weird it's such a cool place there's like uh what you might call it um hemingway's house oh yes that i know really old school like naval bases stuff were like they were talking about like the bay of pigs and things were like jfk was meeting and talking about viet you know wars did you take a tour you took a tour i just walked around i just i smoked a blunt smoke do you go by yourself and you take somebody on the road it depends that weekend i went alone but i usually will like my friend marty caproni will come on the road with me a lot yeah yeah um he actually loves you he's a big fan of you. I love Marty Caproni.

I'll say that back to you. He's got a great club. That name is phenomenal. Yeah, he's got a, you should do his club. What's his club? In Western Mass. It's, what the fuck is it?

Oh, Loft, Comedy Club. Comedy Loft? Chicopee. Chicopee? That's the name of the town? Yeah, you would love it. Chicopee, Massachusetts. How far is it away from like Boston

or a big city? Maybe two hours drive. West Mass. Yep. Yeah, okay. It's a great little great little town but yeah he comes in the road with me a lot as protection because i'm a chick it's different you're dude you don't have to worry about like no no i agree you definitely

you need not not more everybody needs somebody more more for companionship and also for you don't want to be alone ever like no no one really wants to be like no you want space yes but you want to know that you can go babe and they're gonna go huh all right just stay in the fucking other room i just know i just need you and i and if i need you i need you okay i need to smell you can i babe can you just quaff can i get a quick leg quaff babe now you just sniff the air like my dog yeah make sure they're you just want to see if they're over there nobody really wants to be alone being alone on the road is very tough being alone in general stuff but don't you find also like aside from the fact of the humanistic need of of companionship and some sort of friendship don't you feel like having somebody on the road also

helps your creativity helps oh my god performance it's my favorite thing in the world to be with someone to joke about a bit or to get loose before shows or it's just kind of like that vibe puts you in the right mind space. Yeah. You get to a place of like you're more comfortable with friends and you just feel like more of the comic that you really are. When you're alone at the beginning of your career, you feel like you're. You're like, I'm going to fucking leave. Who am I? I'm not funny.

I suck. Yep. I should go home. This is garbage. There's been so many times where I walked in the hotel. I'm like, I don't want to be here. Yeah. Yes, dude. So depressed. I should go home. This is garbage. There's been so many times where I walked in the hotel and I'm like, I don't want to be here. Yeah. Yes, dude.

So depressed. Yeah, it sucks. It really sucks. How is it like being on the road with Rogan? The best thing in the world. Is it? I'm sure. He's great.

I love him. We have the most fun. It's a really creative, it's a creative, you know, universe he's created where we just kind of like talk shit. We have fun.

We go do fun shit. We, you know, see the city and, and. Does he get out and explore a little bit we try a little bit hard it's tough for him yeah we have to be pretty sneaky you know he's too famous he's too famous and he's also like he respects his anonymity and he likes his space yeah he doesn't respect that about him yeah because you know you have to preserve your and especially when you're at that level you have to preserve your energy and your like soul for stage. Yeah, you become like a,

you know. Why am I the only one drinking this whiskey? I have, what do you mean? I have another sip. Drinking Buffalo Trace's delicious whiskey

that's sponsoring the episode. Honestly, it tastes like, it tastes like a dessert. It's delicious. It's really delicious. It's good shit, man. Thank you, Buffalo Trace. It's the only bourbon

with balls. Look at that right on, see it? You see the buffalo nuts? Oh my God, there's a nut. Why does he only have one nut? Is the other one on? Oh, maybe it's swinging.

He had cancer a couple of years ago. He got it removed. No, but it's fun. It's fun to go on the road because we get to, it's so much fun with friends and it's because you just get to joke around the whole time and it makes the experience of when you do get on stage loose. You feel like you're home. Yeah.

Because when you're here in LA or in new york wherever we are you know you your community is the one that makes you feel the most comfortable yeah and when you're out of the state or out of your comfort zone you're kind of like fuck i don't know like is this joke even funny you check yourself down you really do it for no reason what how is it different being on the road with someone like rogan as opposed to like you know bringing a feature or just like a regular weekend for you? Like, do you feel more pressure? I feel, no, when I'm with him, it actually feels like it's no pressure at all.

Yeah. Like I feel like that's the most comfortable time I am on stage. That's great. I probably do the best when I'm in those positions because it's his show. Yeah, but it's also a testament to him and like your friendship.

Totally. He's a very supportive person to his friends. You can't, with all the people that you can name in his circle that have kind of had their own rise and it's because of the support of him and the community. His empire. His universe.

His empire. The Joe Rogan. Who would he be in Star Wars? He'd be, would he be Chewbacca? He'd be like an amalgamation of all the characters in one. Yeah.

Including Darth Vader. Yes. The little Darth Vader. And I'd be Jabba the Hutt for sure. in one. Yeah. Including Darth Vader. There's a little Darth Vader in there. And I'd be Jabba the Hutt for sure. Just sloughing around town. I just want to be Jabba the Hutt too. Just chill.

Eat. Pure gluttony. Pure, just all the sins in one body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fornicating. What's your guilty food? What's the food that, do you- Mac and cheese.

Grilled cheese. Pizza. Are you vegetarian? Kind of. Yeah, kind of, right? Yeah, like I don cheese, pizza. Are you vegetarian? Kind of. Yeah, kind of, right? Yeah, like I don't, I'm not strict about it, but I get grossed out. I get in these like shifts of getting grossed out by meat, and I'm in one of those shifts right now. It just goes through waves.

Yeah. But is there a moment when you're like, gotta have a steak? Yep. Yeah. And I just, I grab a cow. You eat the cow? Right out of his belly. Oh my God.

I take a bite. That's really fucked up yeah I just sometimes you know it's like that thing like you're you know that lightning bolt that shoots through

your eye socket that like ferocious hunger for meat it's probably because I'm just deficient in a mineral or vitamin that I can get

from a plant iron you know whatever it is amino acid whatever the hell it is sometimes you need super high levels of protein it depends on what

your body is going through yeah and like the the whole protein thing i think is just it seems like bs you need a good amount of protein but you don't but you can get it from a lot of different places right and like plants essentially produce the amino acids which are the byproduct of the protein once our body breaks it down yep it's like they're dudes who are like bodybuilders who are vegans but being a vegan man that's just exhausting I don't want to hear it yeah

if anything that somebody does where they're boasting about it bro I don't fucking care I don't care I don't care if you're born again or you haven't eaten a fucking burger doesn't matter

shut up shut up I gotta go how are you to people yeah are you a good person are you nice you could be a born again vegan and murder bitches

I'm serious seriously it's they find out most serial killers are like born again. Wasn't Manson like a vegan? Yeah. No, Manson.

I heard, yeah. Manson was a pescatarian. I don't know if people, a lot of people don't know that, but only fish. He was okay with fish. A pescatarian? Wouldn't that be crazy

to find out? And a Pentecostal. Yeah. Oddly enough. And really did serve his church well. He did. He served his church very well. What?

We find out as we get older in this life that some of the most pristine people tend to be some of the most fucking filthy pieces of shit on earth. Hypocrisy's loud. So the people that yell the loudest tend to be the ones who have the most issues, right? He who throws the first stone.

Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. It's like, why are you throwing stones? What are you talking so much for? What's going on back there? Let's take off some of your clothes and see what kind of scars we got.

There's some scars in that body. That's why I don't care how people live. And we have a lot of friends. You know, like, Blazer is... I just saw her last night. I think she's a vegan. No, vegetarian or vegan. She's one of the two.

Is she? I think she's vegan. Yeah. She's got vegan energy. You know, Whitney. A lot of people that are heavy with animals now, that they are so adamant about it. And it's good for them to preach their beliefs.

I'm cool with it, but I don't want to ever feel bad for doing what I do. Yeah. And it's like, don't make me feel bad. You can do your thing. Don't make me feel bad

for having a burger. Don't make me feel bad for saying Jesus Christ when I bite out of the burger. That I will not tolerate. JC is my hero. And you take that back right now. You say, I'm sorry,

into the microphone. Say, I'm sorry, JC. I'm sorry, JC. That's right. Thank you. JC is my hero. JC is my hero and you take that back right now. You say I'm sorry into the microphone. Say I'm sorry, JC. I'm sorry, JC. That's right. Thank you. JC is my hero. JC is my hero. It's so funny

because I was just thinking about that too. What would Jesus do, by the way, today? What do you think Jesus would do? Smoke a blunt and laugh.

Yep, he probably would. Like what are you doing? He goes, you guys are out of control. You guys really fucked this up. You fucked this up. I did this in seven days

and y'all are doing this? There was no God did it in seven days. Yeah, but it's his dad or whatever. Yeah, he's basically like, he's an heir. He's a trust fund kid.

Jesus, you know my fucking dad built this? He's a robber baron, let's be honest. My dad fucking built this in like seven days. You guys have been

fucking around it? God is a robber baron. Jesus, where are you headed today? I'm going to Dan Bilzerian's house and throwing a fucking rager. Yeah, we're just going to hang out.

Did you see all the chicks he hangs out with? A bunch of bitches, bro. Have you heard of Guns and Hoes, bro? That's my shit, dog. That's why I fucking came back. It'd be so funny if Jesus did come back in 2019.

If this, you know, Is there another rapture happening? Yeah, for sure. Well, for sure. We're done. We're definitely done. Okay, cool, cool, cool. But I think we're building something wonderful

to make it happen. An ark. Yeah, I think we are. Well, don't tell everyone. Oh, they they're not all allowed they're definitely building a spaceship for rich people to go to mars for sure do you think so 100 well how could they not be you don't think there's an escape plan for the wealthy i don't know but i don't know you think they're gonna die with poor people that's disgusting i just don't know if wealthy people i mean wealth doesn't always indicate... Intelligence? Yeah.

It doesn't matter. They pay people to do things for them. Yeah, it's true. You know what I mean? I can't see another fucking Ashton Kutcher ad about another investment he has. It'd be a cool sci-fi movie if the wealth did do that. Say they succeeded in that task of building the spaceship,

finding the habitable planet, flying, travel, landing on Mars, and they get there, and there's a species there that helps them acclimate and then fucking destroys them. So then it's just like some modest dude, maybe some contractor, like some dude who worked on Earth, flew there, built his town, because he knew that the rich people were going to come, and then he annihilated all the rich people, and then it's just chill then then we don't have all these rich

assholes running around it's just broke bitches chilling and flip-flops this is how we kill the rich science this is science this is pure science it would be cool it would be cool if somebody could trick oh my god this is this reminds me a long time ago there was a pitch um there was like a a prank show pitch because after i did punk like i was helping produce all these different like prank shows and there was a pitch where they were going to take a bunch of these people who wanted to be celebrities you know like want to be reality stars and put them on a um a commercialized private jet so it's a private jet it's it's it's a commercial airplane but it's been privatized right so like you know how the

nba has commercial jets um and they're sitting there on this luxury plane and they want to fly them to a quote unquote remote location, but it's really just like 50 miles north of LA. They just circle in the air for five or six hours or whatever. So they have no idea what part of the quote unquote earth they're from. And they've manufactured this crazy little place. I don't know if they ended up shooting. God, that's really funny. And then you make them think that they're on this like special. And then you really get to see how crazy people are.

That's right. Where they're like, you know, probably sipping their champagne like, yeah, I deserve to be an elite. Right. Meanwhile, it's Bakersfield. Yeah.

It's Modesto. It's Modesto. They just have no idea where the fuck they are. But they wanted to create this world. I don't know if they ever did that, but I thought that was brilliant.

That's a great idea. It just fucks with the natural psychology of like, of the elite, thought that was brilliant. That's a great idea. It just fucks with the natural psychology of like, of the elite, of an elite. It's like a caste system, essentially.

Yes, like I'm supposed to be in this private place, but really it's like, you're no better than anybody else. You're no better than anybody. Have you seen commercials for Eric Andre's new? I helped write some of that.

Dude, it looks so fucking good. I was in the writer's room for some of the rewrites for Andre's new movie. Eric Andre's got a new movie coming out. Oh, it's a movie. That's right. It looks in the writer's room for some of the rewrites for Andre's new movie. Eric Andre's got a new movie coming out. Oh, it's a movie. That's right.

It looks epic. It's kind of like jackass-ish. It's like what Bad Grandpa was. Right, Bad Grandpa. So it dances in the world of reality-based scripted.

It's a scripted film. Right. But the fucked up shit he does is real. It's all live. Is the goal like is he sort of, is it a reflection of societal stuff? Like, is there a goal? The storyline is, yeah, there's a goal.

The storyline is for him and Lil Rel Howie, you know? Yep. And his sister is Tiffany Haddish. Yep. And it's for them to get across the country. They have a goal to get across the country. Almost in the same vein of how Dumb and Dumber was a road trip comedy. Right.

That's basically what it is. It looks great. Yeah, it's, dude, listen. It looks great. Yeah, it's so entertaining. Eric is my boy. I fucking love Andre so much. And so he asked if I could come fuck around for a little bit on that movie

when they were doing some of the reshoots. And I was like, of course. And some of the shit they pull in there, I wish I could give some away, but fuck me. No, you can't.

Fuck me. It's fun. Some of the shit is absurdly funny. It looks like it's gonna be a lot of fun. I've always liked Eric Andre because he's like,

he's such a risk taker. He doesn't give give a fuck do you remember when he threw up on the red carpet in front of amy schumer yep when she was getting her glamour shots yeah it's hilarious it was one of i was was i there i think it was there it was one of my most favorite moments yeah in like celebrity history because he doesn't here's the irony he doesn't take anything serious and because this game is fake this all this shit is a joke like why are we even really giving any weight to anything i know and why are we such dicks to each other it's so fake it's all bullshit it's all like we're supposed to be having fun the whole point is to have fun so he has fun and then what happens the industry rewards his fun he's in fucking lion king he is he's in yeah he's in yeah he's what voice i think he's that's amazing wait what is he like

now i'm trying to think of which one he is. He's got to be maybe Jafar's. Maybe Jafar. Not Jafar. Scar? Scar. No, he's not Scar. Didn't Scar have like a little cohort?

I don't know why I would imagine. Maybe he's one of the hyenas. Oh, he could be a good hyena. Yeah, you got to figure out which one he is. But he's one of those guys where he's gone against it so often. Yes. That now it's kind of like... It's all coming back. Now it's in dividends, yeah. Yep. Here are the Lion King. That's right. That's what I it so often. Yes. That now it's kind of like, now it's in dividends. It's all coming back.

Yeah. Here, The Lion King. That's right. That's what I've always loved about him. Azizi. Azizi. Azizi. Yeah, he plays Azizi.

I can't wait to watch that, man. That looks so good. Rafiki's John Connie. Seth Rogen is Pumbaa. Donald Glover's Simba. Keegan-Michael Key is Kamari. Chiwetel Ejiofor is Scar. Oh, wow.

James Earl Jones is Mufasa. Dude. I mean, come on. Billy Eichner is Timon amy sedaris billy eichner fuck me i mean so it's such a great cast john oliver zazu i know where's my name and your name why the fuck are we not in this fucking can at least be a chinchilla shit shit you got a peacock you need someone to voice i could have been i could have been a hyena i could have been one of those you know yeah i could see you doing voiceover work yeah yeah you know i've tried voiceover work about 10 times and every time i get like i sniff the fart i get so close and they're like they're like we got uh we got daniel day lewis today they always get like someone mega famous yeah it's either between cheeto santino or daniel day actually i

think i've lost twice to uh um uh what's his name? What's the dude that like the freak out dude that everybody loves? Billy Crystal. Why can't I think his? No, no, he's really young. Adam Devine. What's wrong with me? No, not Adam Devine. I'm so bad.

Dude, I'm so bad with celebrities. Oh, I'm terrible. I just know nobody. I'm terrible. I should do an E! Pop culture show because I would know fucking nobody. I'd know nobody. Who are you thinking of? He's always between you and who?

What? What's he look like? Cute. That's the other thing I'm so mad at. How young is he? Is he really young? Logan Paul.

Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaBeouf. I feel like he's gotten two different voice things that I was going to do. Really? Yes. It's so annoying to me.

Dude, when are you going to do movies? You're ready to be a leading man. Can't do movies. Can't do movies. Why not? I called Hollywood and they said, fuck off. They were when are you going to do movies? You're ready to be a leading man. Can't do movies. Can't do movies. Why not? I called Hollywood and they said, fuck off. They were like, no way.

They did? No way. They said, no way. Did you call them? They said, until your hair isn't orange. I said, this is natural. Like, I can. They said, fuck off, Ginger.

So I said, I'm going to start my own fucking podcast. No, you know what? I want to do film. There's no, yeah, I started the Whiskey Ginger. Who made this for you? This guy, Starling Gear. Rick is his name. He's fucking incredible. It's beautiful, yeah, I started the Whiskey Ginger. Who made this for you? This guy, Starling Gear. Rick is his name. He's fucking incredible.

It's beautiful. This is handmade, dude. Wow. Hand fucking made. It looks like it's from Middle Earth. It is from Middle Earth. He lives in Middle Earth. I believe, is this you or is this him?

Well, that's me. I bet you his soul is in there and he's keeping an eye on you. Oh, you think so? Yeah, I bet you that's a camera. That's kind of tight. Yeah. Because I jerk off in this room. Aggressively right into the camera.

I just stare. I record myself jerking off. And I give myself notes. You could be better. That stroke wasn't that good. Speaking of jerking off, how do you feel about Louis C.K. and all the clusterfests? He's coming back, baby. Yeah.

Or no, not a clusterfest. A skankfest. Skankfest. That's right. Yeah, listen, dude. I was talking to Rogan about it. I think I do, you you know here's the deal yep i think i've said this too many times if people are willing to pay to see louis and and fans are

willing to pay for him to come back then that has to exist yeah if you don't like lou and you don't want to support him don't go don't i'm so sick of hearing people yell about it and it's like of course it's this all male pig universe it's like look dude first of all there's a million women that were there at Scandic Fest that were very supportive of what was going on. If people want to pay, they can pay and go watch him. I'm so tired of hearing people like, you don't get to shut someone down because you disagree with things about their life, their past, their present. That's not how the world works. No, it's not how the world works. You just don't support them.

Right. It's that fucking, hey, you know how you don't like it that fucking chick-fil-a um doesn't like gays okay well then don't eat there i don't need a chick-fil-a right unless you're i'm not yelling unless you are promoting hate and like like that that preacher in in uh knoxville tennessee have you seen that video yes fuck me he like leviticus he was like kill all kill all sodomites and homosexuals and look if you're imploring people to go murder and to go do harm to other human beings because of they're different than you then I think you're a piece of shit and you should burn alive we should really fucking we should remove you yeah um but if you're just

you make a choice in life to be different than other people and they don't they don't agree with you like the Chick-fil-a. They don't choose to support gay communities. That is their right. I'm not saying I agree with them, but also, don't fucking support Chick-fil-A if you don't believe in that. That's how you shut them down.

Just don't support people. Just don't support them. Don't fucking support them. And if you want to support Louis, go support him. I'm so tired of people telling me who I'm supposed to care about

because I'm like, dude, you fucking... What are your secrets? It's back to this thing. Yes. What have you got? It's back to the loud, talky, chatty thing.

Also, at this point, I'm so ready to just move forward and make better progress as people in other moves than for me to harp on arguments with people about why they think

Louis shouldn't be allowed to perform. I think that's just... At this point... Eventually, he's going to perform. We knew this was going to happen. Sure. And also,

let's just talk about accountability on both sides of that scenario. Adult women being accountable for the decisions and where they put themselves. Sure. And men being accountable for maybe some, you know, some abuse or some pain or trauma they're not dealing with that could manifest itself in an abusive manner. Yeah. Those two things exist. There's a lot going on. There's a two things exist. There's a lot going on.

There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. And my biggest thing is instead of all that bullshit go see and support people that you love like Jessamay fucking Peluso and Andrew James Santino.

Come see us y'all. Come see us in whatever town that we're going to. Come see us. Come support the comedy that you really want that you care about instead of wasting your time.

That's what I say about negativity in general now like on the internet because it sparks so much. Yep. Stop wasting your time talking shit and support the things you like think about how much easier it is things you like just to be like you know what i love this you know what i don't love that and i'm just gonna remove that from my life right and see how many opportunities open up for you yep the more you

bitch that's just your realm that's the realm you're gonna be in that's your space the happiest people i know are the people that focus on what makes them feel good yeah what. What makes you happy? What makes you the happiest? What do you think is the thing that you're like, you know, what really makes Jessamay smile is this thing. Being with my family. Awesome. Yep. And you, and you, and you use that as a, I need to make, make a conscious effort to get, get around my family because they make me feel the most me. Yep. Yeah. And I think people should do that more often. I, I'm the same way. I fucking, how about you? I love my fucking family. I dream of going back to Chicago.

Don't you love making like, do you have brothers and sisters? I got a little sister, yeah. Making her laugh, is it? She makes me laugh more than I make her laugh. I'm sorry, she's way funnier than me.

How old is she? Sometimes I'm surprised, 27. 27? Well, because I was like, 26, 27. 27? I think she'll be 27 in a while. But no, she,

she was born in the 90s. I don't know anymore. Yeah. You know what I mean? What's the difference? Oh my God. Who knows? We pe born in the 90s. I don't know anymore. You know what I mean? What's the difference? Oh my God. Who knows? We peaked in the 90s. Yeah.

What do you mean? I peaked in 89. I was out. When 90 hit, I was like, fuck, I got to wrap this up. Bag up those JNCO jeans. I got to go home. Can I get my Perriella sweater, please? I got to get out of here.

Somebody get my Charlotte Hornets starter jacket. Yeah, please. Can you bag that up, please? Can you get my Surge and my Charlotte Hornets starter? Let me take my Jolt Cola and I gotta get out of here, man. Jolt Cola. Do you remember Jolt?

Can someone get my box of Bugles? Yeah. Because I gotta go. You got my Bugles? You got my Dunks? You got my Dunkaroos? Give me my Dunkaroos and bag them up.

I gotta get the fuck out of here. I got a Skidaddle here. That's so funny. Wing roller skating. That's our whole youth. It is. But no, she's hysterical. She has a wonderful sense of humor.

I think she just, we're all that way though. My mom has a, we all kind of talk shit. We joke around. I yell at my mother and I call, I call my mom at work and she always has someone like in her office. What does she do? And I'm always like, and she's always like, Oh babe, I got to call you back. And like, I don't give a shit who's in your office. You kick them out now. And they can always hear. And they're laughing. And my mom is like, come on, I have to go. And I go, this is this is some shit dude you're not my mom anymore how about you're not my fucking mom

anymore how does that sound she loves what does she do she laughs she loves it she knows that she she has such a light sense of humor about that stuff because it's that's the kind of stuff that my mom loves that makes me laugh my fake anger she loves that shit is she a doctor no no no no not even remotely close my mom is a psychiatrist not so smart no she's not smart no she no she's great she runs a she runs um she runs marketing for this major oh man uh property management company in chicago they own all the high rises that's where i used to live when i was a kid in high rise in a high rise that's strange it's a few different ones 23rd floor it was It was cool. So you had to ride the elevator

and go to like a yard or a park? No, my mother would throw me out the window and get down to the first floor. Yeah, smart. Yeah, just get Tasha out. Parachute. Freebase.

Figure it out. That's probably why you're so well-rounded now. You've been humbled by concrete. I'm not round, okay? I'm skinny. And I don't need you to talk about my weight

for the 15th time on this podcast. Well-rounded. Well-rounded is like a sly way to make fun of someone's weight. You're well-rounded as a person. My grandfather used to do that. He used to make fun of people's weights and it was so mean but like under his breath but just enough that maybe they heard him yeah he was mean but funny a fat guy would walk by and he'd be like i bet you he never skips a meal that sounds like shit my dad would or he or he'd or he'd walk past a fat person and he and he would go um he'd

be like i bet you he knows a good place to eat huh should we ask him i was like oh my god i love i think grandparents should be like that like yeah they have to they have to they have to be your dad was like that yeah my dad like we drive if we were driving and there was a woman walking in the street who had big boobs he'd go oh geez look at the good joggers on her it's actually they should be something that are that should be called like a bad jogger because they're really hard to jog with big tits very hard to jog with bag jogger. A good jogger. It's actually, they should be something that should be called like a bad jogger because they're really hard to jog with big tits. Very hard to jog with tits. Bag jogger.

Yeah, you can knock yourself out. There's a woman here that jogs in the neighborhood with big goobs and goobs means gooby boobs because they're like gushy, you know? Yeah.

And man, they slap around so much. I yell ow as she runs by. Her tits are flopping and I go, ow, ow, ow, ow. She does. She runs here in the neighborhood. As I go, ow, ow, ow, ow. She does.

She runs here in the neighborhood. As you're standing shirtless holding a cup of coffee. Just waving at her. Like Forrest Gump. That's my favorite wave, the Forrest Gump. Oh my God, that's such a great movie.

She runs to the neighborhood and she's a skinny woman. Big joggers. Yeah, big joggers. My dad was always saying that. Big joggers. Look at the joggers in her. What's the funniest moment

that you remember with your dad? Did you have like the most memorable moment with your father? There's so many. I mean, one that just stuck out in my mind is we went to this Japanese restaurant in Syracuse, New York, which is not a place you want to get sushi. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? I know. You know where you get good sushi?

Upstate New York. You know who got good fish? Syracuse. Really? Okay. We were in there. My dad had never eaten sushi before. This was like years ago.

Actually, I was dating Giannis Pappas at the time, and Giannis was with me. Okay. And so I'm trying to like help my dad eat the sushi, and I grab the whole scoop of wasabi. Wasabi. Oh, shit. And I told him it was sushi, and I fed it to him. Oh, shit. Like the whole scoop.

And his face, he was like, hmm, that's not too bad. Oh, shit. like the whole scoop in his face he was like that's not too bad oh shit and he started to sweat from his face and he called me a rotten bastard you are a rotten bastard he's right you're a rotten bastard he was sweating from his face yannis was laughing so hard and then on the way out my dad he he was always going for the laugh yeah he always wanted to make people laugh he was he was the most like warm hearted bigot to be funny. Like he wasn't he never

he didn't think or believe or really have a racist bone in his body but he would say racist jokes to be funny.

Racial. I like to say racial. Racial jokes. Because your dad didn't hate other racists. No he didn't hate other racists. So if you're not a racist then I think you're making

a racial joke. A racial joke. Racial. So we were on the a racist, then I think you're making a racial joke. A racial joke. Yeah, racial. So we were on the way out of the Japanese restaurant, and there were bamboo stalks that were decorated. And he stuck his face in between them and shouted out towards the restaurant of people, patrons, eating, This is for Pearl Harbor. Oh, my God. I'll never forget.

I'll never forget Pearl Harbor. Oh my God. I'll never forget. I'll never forget Pearl Harbor. My God. Like he wasn't in Pearl Harbor? Everyone that's eating is like, what the fuck does this have to do with Pearl Harbor? And your dad, yeah, you're like,

you didn't, you didn't, that's not. That's not. Also, there was a bunch of Mexicans working there anyway. They're like, what the fuck does that have to do?

What's Pearl Harbor? Is that a place down? Is that another place we can go vacation? Is that a competitive restaurant? Should we, should can go vacation? Is that a competitive restaurant? Should we go there? Is that a competing restaurant? I don't want to be taken down. Yeah, he was a lot of fun.

But he was the one that you got the humor from, huh? Oh, yeah. I mean, my mom's very sarcastic and sardonic and like wry and witty. And my dad was like goofy. So, yeah, he's the goofy side of you. Goofy, goofy. He's the shower. He's the shower.

He's the shower. Horsehead shower and minotaur head shower. Yeah, yeah. And then your mom is the snarky. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's the one with the comments. She's the snappy shit.

Yeah, she just says something. You're like, did she just, did I just get offended by her? Did I just get burned? Did Nancy just burn me in the kitchen? Did Nan just fry me up? Yeah, with her glass of boxed wine. Just saying. Is that what she says?

Yeah, she'll like zing you with something. Then she'll go, just saying. That's what a mom does. A mom will sling some shit at you that kind of like stings a little bit too much. And you're like, mom. And she's like, I'm going to fucking deal with it, bitch. Yeah, you're just like, oh. She's like, I've lived a thousand lives.

Deal with it, you fucking pussy. Are you on the road right now? Are you traveling? Are you going back out? Do you have dates? What's going on? I'm actually off the road For the next three weeks

Good I'm so excited Good I'll be at JFL For all the nasty shows I'll be at JFL too Yes What are you going?

24, 25, 26? 16 I'm the whole time You're the whole time Fuck Well then maybe I'm going to do a Whiskey Ginger live there And I'm going to have a bunch of people

Come and go Yes So if you're there I'm going to do Sharp Tongue So I want to Maybe we can swap it Yeah I would love to do that Come on the Live there, and I'm going to have a bunch of people come and go. Yes. So if you're there. I'm going to do sharp tongue, so maybe we can swap it. Yeah. I would love to do that. Come on the sharp tongue podcast.

Well, go to what? Go to jessamaypalooza.com? jessamay.com. jessamay.com. Yep. On Twitter, I'm at QueefyMay. Yeah, Queefy is that so wonderful to me. Because people don't know, before comedy, you were a Queef Queen.

Actually, I Queef. The Tri-State Queef Queen. Yeah. It's a championship that I'm still holding. No one has taken it. Do you still have the Queef belt? I still have the belt. Yeah. No one's Queefed more than me. And the belt, as everybody knows, it queefed. The tri-state queef queen. Yeah. It's a championship that I'm still holding. No one has taken it. Do you still have the queef belt? I still have the belt. Yeah.

No one's queefed more than me. And the belt, as everybody knows, it's just a crocs-less panties. Yeah. And there's actually, we've added a feature to it. Oh. Just a gentle curtain. Oh, a little curtain in front of you. Just a little coochie curtain.

So it flops in the wind? Just to, it shows the queef a little bit more effectively. Right. A little billowing. Because you can't really see a queef, I guess. You can't see a queef a little bit more effectively. Right. A little billowing. Because you can't really see a queef, I guess. You can't see a queef. It's air. So we decided, you know, with my set builders to just do a little queef.

The queef curtain. Go check out QueefMA, the queef curtain. And the Sharp Tongue podcast. And the Sharp Tongue podcast. Check that shit out. Yeah. We're going to be hopefully linking up in Montreal just for laughs. I would love to.

Let's go get some poutine let's go take over that city we'll go steal a cop a cop's horse I love that a cop well we can steal a cop we'll steal a Canadian cop

they'll go get the fuck over here oh sorry I gotta go I guess they're stealing me they'll apologize oh sorry radio to base

I'm getting stolen they're fucking stealing me so now I guess I'm with these fellas check out Sharpton Podcast. Everything Jessamay. I'll put all that shit in the description. AndrewSantino.com for all the good jazz.

I love you very much. I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Buffalo balls. Buffalo balls. Buffalo balls. balls. Here we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.