Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Jesus Trejo

Episode Date: June 5, 2020

Santino sits down with Jesus Trejo ("Stay at home son" on Showtime) to chat about starting out by parking cars at the comedy store, getting knocked out by golf balls working the driving range and going deep into the dad joke vault. Jesus is a true gem to the standup community. Watch him here https://www.sho.com/titles/3472420/jesus-trejo-stay-at-home-son TICKETS NOW ON SALE FOR THE WILBUR THEATER IN BOSTON!!! https://thewilbur.com/artist/andrew-santino/ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! DHM DETOX - Beat your hangovers!!! Take two pills before you drink to make the next day a breeze https://dhmdetox.com Use promo code WHISKEY for 20% OFF MANSCAPED - Clean up your face as well as beans and sausage https://www.manscaped.com Use promo code WHISKEYWW for 20% OFF For all things CHEETO: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Buy Merch: https://shop-andrew-santino.myshopify.com Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ & https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, like I say, please subscribe. Hit that button notification bell so you know when we're posting. But you guys know we post every Friday. We never miss a Friday. We've been posting every Friday since the beginning. That's how we're going to keep it moving. This week's episode is great. It's with my boy Jesus Trejo, who I love so very much.

He has a special out on Showtime right now. He's hysterical. You gots to watch it. It's well worth your time. And if you don't have Showtime, sign up, get three months for free, and then cancel it. I don't care, man. Just give the kid the views. If you're looking to find out

when I'm going back on the road, we're trying. We're trying to do it right now. Things are opening up, which is good. I still have my Boston date at the Wilba Theater, October 17th. That's up on the website

at andrewsantino.com. You can find out all those dates that are being rescheduled as we go along. Please be patient. I'm trying my best to work with the theaters and the venues and the clubs. We're all doing what we can. It's out of my hands, baby.

The pandy is doing its own thing. Also, our Patreon and our merch store are still there at andrewsandito.com. The Patreon is going to be doing solo Cheeto chats and all sorts of different stuff that you can find there. And the merch store is there as well to get yourself some cool gear. Enough rambling from me. On to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $ dollars for the whiskey seventy-five dollars for the horse gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth i say that for all my guests but i mean it once again today it is jesus trejo cheers cheers cheers cheers dog bam there you go. That's a Corona cheers.

Also, shoe cheers. Look at these fresh ass Jordans you got on. Oh, man. You know what I mean? I like those, bro. Los Sietes right here. The number sevens. Yeah, the Sietes.

The Sietes. And you know what number these are? Look, we both wore J's today. You know what number these are or no? Those are fours. You said it. You were there. Yeah, go ahead.

Fours. Yeah, baby. Yeah. I got to trust myself. Yeah, you do. I i gotta trust myself yeah you trust myself is this the last dance are we into this because the last dance you always wear jays uh i i've this is a a recent thing but i bought these for the special yeah oh you wore them in the special yeah because they matched all right look at he's plugging his special already look

man all right right now on showtime it's incredible go watch it it's called stay at home son yeah but we talked before the show you wish you put a comma so it said stay at home comma son Right now on Showtime. It's incredible. Go watch it. It's called Stay at Home, Son. Yeah. But we talked before the show, you wish you put a comma. So it said Stay at Home, comma, Son. Right. But what's wild is because everyone telling everybody stay safe, stay at home. But you named it that because you're a stay at home son for real to your parents, right? Yeah, I'm a stay at home son.

That's why. And there's like a little, you got to look for the little line. I always get a kick out of a special when you, like the title is in there. You're like, oh, all right, there it is. Oh, okay, so you drop it in there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's like an album for an artist. I didn't do that in mine,

but that's also because I couldn't find a name forever. Like I couldn't, I fought for a name and I just couldn't do it. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I kept thinking of, you think of all these clever things that you think is funny or cool. Right. And then you look back on it and you're like, that so stupid I don't I don't want to name it that

so then I went through 10 different iterations until I finally found what I wanted but still naming a special is tough it's probably the hardest part of the specials like I like at one point I'm like why did I name it stay at home son it doesn't make sense and now it's kind of like oh that's a good name no it's a great name it's a really good name look at how many specials are out there with terrible names what Seinfeld two specials called 23 hours to kill that's a good name no it's a great name it's a really good name look at how many specials are out there with terrible names what seinfeld's new special is called 23 hours to kill it's a terrible name to me i'm not i'm hating it's a sentence it's bad it's just not i don't get it i don't know louis special uh was called uh uh what was it called you said yes what was it the newest one yeah what was it called no i don't know uh don't

look at me in the eye what was it called turn around sit still oh it's called sit still louis ck's new special sit still um what do you didn't watch his new special it's good no i forgot what it was called it's real good what is it yeah no no I didn't watch it. Are you a Louis fan or no? As a comic, it's great, yeah. Do you watch specials or no? Here and there. Not as much as I used to. I think in my earlier years, I used to watch a lot of them.

Same. I mean, especially even before. I went from watching all those specials before I started to my first few years to still watching a bunch. And then I slowly started to tear it off. And yeah, I just don't, you don't want the influence. Yeah. It's tough,

man. I remember hearing an interview that little Wayne had and, and they're like, so who do you listen? Who's in your, you know, who's in your iPod or whatever. It was an old interview.

He's like, I don't listen to nobody. Yeah. And, and he also explains that people think it's cocky. It's like, no, it's like, I have to listen to my own own stuff i'm listening to it to like make it better yeah but not that i listen to my own stuff like that i do to make the joke better but right yeah no look at some point in your career

that at some point you're a fan just a fan of comedy when you're starting comedy right and then once you become a professional it's your job so these are your peers uh even if they're further along than you so it's hard to kind of watch your peers stuff sometimes because a we see it every night in the club like we see you working it out and then b it's hard because you don't want to find anything that you're doing in their work or their work in your work so to stay separated almost helps you a little bit i mean for me i can't i can't watch because most of my friends i see them working out already so it's you know like i've seen you yeah for years i've known you for years and i've seen and we've been out together so i've seen you work out longer sets so it's kind of like i know what you're

putting out you may have you've got some sneakies in there that i'm sure i haven't seen but that's true it's like i think oftentimes we don't we don't get to watch you know the finished product of of our peers because we do see each other on a day to yeah on a night-to-night basis working out at the store at the improv you know what have you so yeah we we yeah we you once you've seen it all in terms of your friends it's kind of hard to it's even i've even found it's like hard like even when rock rock comes to work out and it's funny it's like when you see someone all the time working out stuff you look at them and their and the final performance differently because you you know what i mean like you've been yeah i watched you build a house you know what i mean i saw the

but but it's almost more i think exciting as a comic when you see see somebody try a joke like for the first time like a brand new joke it's like i want i want all ears like oh that's fun and then after that you kind of just push back oh he's doing the joke again okay yeah once you've heard it you've heard it by the way louis special is called sincerely i just looked it up sincerely yeah it was good dude yeah but that was the last one i've seen since chapelle because it's hard it's just hard there's so many they put out now that it's hard to keep up. And what's good about what you're doing, though, not to, you know, not to sound like we're plugging, but you put it out. Showtime is good for you because you're you're you're kind

of in a class of your own. You know, there's not 90 million specials on Showtime. That's good. People can go find that easier than, you know, Netflix is tough. Netflix is a tough gambit to get on, first of all. And also, there's a million specials on there. So many. It's just so many. There's a million specials, period. I'm just happy to finally get one because it's one of those boxes that you want to check off. Since you're a kid, you have this dream of being a comic.

And part of being a comic is like like i want to have that notch on my belt of hey i have a special so it's it's done and showtime was very kind and generous and and you know giving the offer and they should have paid you more though we all saw what you got paid they should have paid you twice three times showtime you know you did him wrong no i i'm you're happy you're happy i'm happy man it's like hey this would be great and once all the pandemic stuff subsides, be able to go on the road and kind of connect with people that the special resonated with.

That's the hope. I want to tell you something. I want to compliment you. I've always liked you. I've always think you're a great dude and a great comic. But you have a joke that to this day, I'm not going to tell your joke. But I laugh so hard even thinking about it when you talk about your teeth, about your father about your teeth about

your father saying your teeth look like the skyline of la yeah my volunteer look like downtown la from far away yeah i love that shit i love that shit that always do that every time i saw you do that that made me laugh so fucking hard because what a perfectly descriptive thing and only people that live in los angeles know the skyline you know what i mean it kind of has a very like so even though your teeth obviously don't look like that, man, every time I get the vision in my head of that skyline of LA, the US Bank building and everything.

So it just becomes so vivid in my head. The Ernst & Young building. It's like, I like that building. That's so funny, man. They do fine work over there. Yeah, my bike husband is the Ernst & Young building. This is the GM building. No, but it's so funny to like see that.

It's great because you do great visual jokes you have great visual jokes you know i like that about you man you really do show what you're saying yeah i mean i hate you as a comedian but i do like those jokes hey man you know i'll take what i can get stop it stop it i do think in cartoons yeah i mean it's like like like my brain just works in cartoons so it's like as i'm like thinking i just like i i hear the you know all the stuff really yeah were you obsessed with cartoons as a kid obsessed what was your favorite So it's like, as I'm like thinking, I just like, I, I hear the, you know, all this stuff. Really? Yeah.

Were you obsessed with cartoons as a kid? Obsessed. What was your favorite? The one that really, really like, like the earliest memories, like Bobby's world. That was like one of the first ones, which in turn introduced me to standup. That was Howie Mandel. Howie Mandel. That's right.

And then it was like, uh, he did that high pitched voice of Bobby, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was like, oh, that's it. Oh my God. Yeah. That's really good, that's right. And then it was like... He did that high-pitched voice of Bobby, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was like, Oh, Rob Lowe. That's it. Oh, my God. Yeah, man. That's really good, bro. Yeah, and then Life with Louie,

Louie Anderson's cartoon. So good. Eek the Cat. Eek the Cat was another one that I was so into. Did you ever see this? I know the name, but I don't know it. It was just a... How old are you, by the way?

33. Okay. We're similar. I'm 36, so we're close. Yeah, yeah, we're right there yeah but eek the cat what was eek the cat eek the cat was just like this underdog cat was the description of it yeah and uh he would get in like a bunch of trouble like he he like uh his the love interest was this massive pink cat and he was just oh dude i do remember this bro i loved it shark doggy dog do you remember that yes yes so yeah i mean you name it i i watched it anything that was free we

didn't have cable but you know whatever was like on saturday morning cartoons whenever i could watch i'd watch you know but yeah man i just think in cartoons man i just thundercats physical that was like like slapstick comedy all day that's your shit oh buster keaton sign me up you love buster keaton three stooges sign me up laura and hardy what's up man that's so funny man because to me i was never like i like slapstick comedy but i but you're reaching back into the era prior to us but that's really impressive that you like did your old man introduce you that like how did you find out about all that stuff i i actually so check this out so my first uh introduction to comedy period was this guy named uh chespirito right and the name comes from he was a playwright

soccer player turned playwright right and he did uh like a sitcom about a kid a poor kid that lived in a barrel in an apartment complex right but he was so funny so Shakespeare they called him little Shakespeare Chespirito oh that's great and then he had two shows back to back so you could watch these on Sunday um in the afternoon sometimes but Saturdays like evening so funny right so that was my first introduction then it was like Cantinflas which I know Cantinflas from the 70s yeah so so Charlie Chaplin regarded him as one of the funniest comedians alive. Yeah, Canteen Floss, for people that don't know, was probably the pioneer of cinema in Mexico.

In Mexico, he was massive, massively famous. Massively. So much so that even English-speaking communities could hear of it in a time before social media. Like you imagine like how can you spread that word of someone like Canteen Floss without major publication, no major network putting you on like that until much, you know, like later in the career when it became like a, then people knew and then it was like a commonality. But to get big back then and famous across culture and language, that's a crazy

thing, man. But we're going to take it full circle here. So it's like he, he was able to transcend like language because he was so physical, you know? And he spoke from an underdog perspective, like his big, his big movie was he was a street sweeper, right? He would walk around the street sweeping, throwing trash. He used to sag his pants, red bandana. My mom was like, growing up, I was like, why are you sag? Like you're sagging because you're some gangster or something? I'm like, no, I want to be like Cantinflas. To me, that's why I sagged as a kid.

I don't even know why we sagged as kids. We thought it was cool to do for some reason. It was just cool, I guess. Yeah, but he did it and that made it look smooth for you. Yeah, it's like, no, he was broke. He didn't have money to buy a belt. I was like right but it's like so so the physicality to me even la india maria which was like a um she was an indigenous woman right who who very physical very funny but made

these movies she was like imagine almost like a female uh chris farley oh wow i mean would fall what era was she from she was like like 80s yeah like early 80s into 90s but so funny and and one of the things i realized at a young age is that that the physicality transcended because then i get into you know three stooges buster keaton and that kind of thing so now taking it to comedy i feel like a lot of my bits at least initially when i started to now are physical because that's like i don't know to me that just connects more people to what i'm trying to say sure well that's what it's it's what it's your language it's your comedy language we all have a comedy language you know there's a there's a term a cheap term that people use occasionally that's like uh what's your act you know somebody doesn't know comedy they go what's your act yeah

it's like well i don't have an act because an act was kind of a very specific time in comedy yeah what kind of sketches do you yeah they oh dude i hate that shit as soon as you hear the word skits run for the hills what are your skits like oh if i can pull out a gun this one yeah but they but they but they go they say what's your act or your sketch what's your skits what's your bits you know and i think that's from a time when a vaudeville area yeah when there was like you had an act and you had to do it for the rest of time us if we're not progressing you're gonna lose fans and you're not gonna keep going and as an artist it would be unsatisfactory there's something about that that's like i'm surprised the artist of old didn't want to keep changing i mean there were guys like lenny bruce who kind of broke the mold who was like oh i'm surprised the artist of old didn't want to keep changing i mean there were guys like lenny

bruce who kind of broke the mold who was like oh i'm just gonna say all sorts of new shit all the time yeah but it's like there there has to be a constant like pushing of the envelope like right now it's like we're we're kind of faced with this conundrum of like all right do we do the zoom shows or not you know well it's like it's not stand-up. Have you done them? Yeah, I've done them. How many? A dozen maybe. Are they good? There it is.

That's the pause. That's all I need to know. Initially, they were bad. People were trying to figure out. But now it seems like there's a way to make it as conducive as possible given the challenges. Audio not being live. But there has to be a constant evolving it's like look there was purists back when at buster keaton's era there were purists like oh man you got a fall what are you doing talking about your life you know in comparison to like a richard pryor richard pryor

came in and talked about being vulnerable addiction that kind of thing and people like why is he talking about those things on stage but and then there was another era of purists and then it evolved you know so it's always going to keep changing whether or not the the the problem for me is like the the reason i haven't involved myself in zoom shows is and i've said this before i don't care that people do them um if you want to do them do them that's great i have no i have no hate on them whatsoever i know i won't enjoy it because i just my ticker is different there's something about that i know i'm i don't like those things in general like zoom things are hard for me anyway or like you know like zoom meetings i just don't

feel like i connect enough so for me it's been hard to get over that hump and i'm sure i'd figure it out yeah but i just um i'm just holding out for some reason i also think to be very very very candid i sold out a lot of shows on this tour i sold a lot of tickets yeah i feel like i'd be disenfranchising my fans that bought tickets to shows that they're never going to be able to see me do until next year so that's been my thing is like i sold out chicago it was supposed to be in March the day I was there we had to cancel it because the day

I was in Chicago this started you know isn't that crazy I went home to the city of Chicago go to a sold out show homecoming show

yeah man and that morning they issued a statement saying no gathering of 250 or more that's how early on this was

250 was still the number well the venue is 785 so I was like what am I going to do how are we going to make this a thing 250 or more. That's how early on this was. 250 was still the number. Well, the venue is 785. So I was like, what am I going to do? How are we going to make this a thing? If I go forward, then I'm the bad guy, right? So I didn't want the onus put on me. So we canceled the show and that was the beginning of the end. But I always felt like those people are going to get a show eventually. They paid for those tickets. I'm going to honor all that stuff. I have no control over when. I feel weird being like, well, get online and pay me 25 to see me now even though you weren't you

were gonna see me in your home that you already paid for right that's a mental thing for me is i get weird guilt complex over it you know that's really what it comes but it's very valid i mean you have very valid points and look i i was very against the zoom thing initially but then it's like oh well let me let me try it. But you were against it for taste purposes, right? Yeah, like... You thought it was kind of cheesy. Yeah, it's like our artistic...

What do they call it? Artistic choice? Integrity? Integrity, having artistic integrity. That's not what I'm going to do. But I tried it and I ended up liking it for what it is. It could never replace stand-up. No, and it never will.

But we're going to get back to live shows eventually. And when we do, you know, we'll be out on the stage together like we always do. That's what... Dude, I met you through the store, through the system in the store. And quite frankly, like, I think... I was still a door guy. Yeah. And I was going to say, this isn't me being condescending,

but I watched you, like, work really hard, working up through the thing. It was really wild to watch because I always knew you were good. And I'm not trying to blow you, but I always knew you were good. And I thought, man, he's going to get even better and stronger. And you started to kind of peel away from your peers, no disrespect. But then you kind of just found yourself above people in your class. And there becomes people in the class that bust through the top and then others that don't that's just a part of it and you sorted you but you busted

through in a big way i mean people took notice you get passed it becomes a thing and then you become a full professional comedian and i kind of saw it was witness for it it's and it's a wild thing to watch you know yeah i you know everyone kind of like takes on a like a specific journey it's like it starts off the same and then it becomes something totally different your path becomes different i ended up at the store parking cars and then you know grinding around town and to be passed at the store is just it's such a nice feeling you know from from being outside the house yeah being inside now it's like oh thank god i was outside parking cars and that was a different experience than what it is inside but

right there's always something to kind of strive like strive for you know oh yeah well you gotta accept more and more and more goals as an as a kid who's from la did did the store mean anything to you as a kid or no yeah it's like i i knew that that that that's where like you know you have jim carrey's and you know you know the bill hicks and sam kinnison's that would come you know through the store and uh yeah it means something and then you know it just was a very distant reality hollywood as a city as a as a business it was such a distant reality growing up they were just like you you just don't go to Hollywood I remember we like as a kid my mom and I came to Hollywood one day um and it was a big deal I was like maybe like I don't know 10 somewhere between 10 and

13 or something like that and what city did you grow up in, by the way? Long Beach, Eastside Long Beach. Okay, Long Beach, that's right, yeah. And my mom won a blender on a radio station, and she called my godfather and was like, can you give us a ride to go pick up this blender? It was a big deal, man. Yeah. We got to Hollywood.

We're looking at the stars on the floor. We're like, this is wild. Mind you, there's a homeless guy over there taking a piss, but this is Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, on one of the stars. Yeah, like, this is wild. Mind you, there's a homeless guy over there taking a piss, but this is Hollywood. Yeah, on one of the stars. Yeah,

on one of the stars. And then we got to see a Cantinflas handprint at the Chinese theater. Right. So that was like a big thing. And then, you know,

artists that my mom recognized from, you know, Mexico. You know, you know, mariachi or Mexican music or theater,

movies and that kind of stuff uh the stars that we would see on the walk of fame and yeah that that that was the closest thing so to kind of you know kind of figure it out on my own it you know there's a level of like oh that's cool i've been able to kind of keep my nose above water in this in this business not knowing anything yeah i mean when you were young you holly coming to la was a thing that you never thought was going to be a thing that you were going to do career-wise like did you as a kid did you go i'm gonna move to la i'm gonna try stand up i'm gonna do that whole thing or was that kind of thing that happened much later in life well i mean i've never

really lived in la you know that's why like you know people like you come from chicago it's like like like my hat always goes off to any comic or actor who i see in this town you know that's why like you know people like you come from chicago it's like like like my hat always goes off to any comic or actor who i see in this town you know usually the butt of the joke is like fuck oh you know so you know somebody else moved here another transplant but it's like i have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone that can pick up and comes here because i i grew up 25 miles away i still haven haven't been able to move here. You see what I'm saying? But that's partially choice because home is special to you.

Sure. Long Beach is a thing for you, right? I'm on the outskirts now. I live in the South Bay, but still, it's like I haven't- You bought that mansion in Hermosa, right? Yeah, I wish. Everybody knows, dude. This guy has a house on the beach.

It's a $7.5 million house, man. This guy, he's pretending. He tries to pretend like he's a you know a regular old guy from long beach no dude no he's got he's got a mansion on second street in um in long beach in what's it called uh uh uh belmont shore he lives in belmont shore that place was man belmont shore like growing up we used to go down there like that was like sometimes a sunday outing that was the first place i moved to no way dude when i went to college with guys chicago to belmont well chicago to arizona arizona when i went to school in arizona okay and when i left phoenix

i had a couple of friends and they were like hey we're gonna try to find a place in southern california we didn't really know where we were gonna end up but we were trying to come to southern california and one friend had a guy that he knew that lived in belmont shore off second street um off uh xemno xemno xemno yeah i went to school over there i was in high school oh right that's right yeah 10th and exam and he was like uh we can go there we can stay on his lazy i could sleep on his lazy boy and so on the 4th of july i moved here told the story ad nauseum fans that know are like all right do we know this but yeah dude and I lived down

on a guy's lazy boy in Long Beach for a while until we could figure it out and then finally until I ended up moving up to LA to Culver City

but that was my first experience of Southern California below Los Angeles because I didn't know where to go in LA I had come to LA to try to look for

an apartment one time with the girl I was dating in college and we ended up by Sepulveda and the freeway at the freeway intersections of the 10 and the 405 and this shitty apartment and we couldn't even afford

that apartment and so I was tripping I was like is this what all LA is like is it this expensive I mean I was freaking the fuck out because I was like we can't afford this we'll never be able to and this is underneath the fucking freeway. Dude, I was like on the freeway and I still couldn't afford that apartment. So I was freaking out.

I was like, I'm never going to make it up here. There's no way I can. I can't pay for this. So lo and behold, when I went back and then went with a buddy, you know, he was like, we can stay with this guy. He'll help us out until we can figure it out. So that was kind of what helped me. But Long Beach, that has a special place in my heart because of that was the first place i landed

when you say that it's like i i hear that there was like a certain level of like a like like a sense of urgency that you had that you're like no i'm gonna do this for myself it's like is there ever a thing like i can't go back home and like how was la like i'm here it didn't work out no i knew fight against that? Well, like for me, it was like, I knew I wasn't going to go back to Chicago because if I went back to Chicago, I would have been contempt with probably getting a job and staying near family and then probably not working my way up to either getting to LA or New York. You know, and all you had ever heard as a kid who was interested in comedy since high

school was like, you got to pick a interested in comedy since high school was like, you got to pick a place to live. And I was like, I'll never be able to make it in New York. I mean, I, that's New York to me was like, it was for rich people,

you know? And it was like, Oh, that's like a fancy person city. Right. You know, it was like either for like either rich people. Cause Manhattan was like,

Oh, and then, or you're going to live in like some, some piece of shit, dog shit neighborhood in a, in, in a borough that you don't want to be in like that was the scare for me california was this magical place bro that was

like people can go there there's a bunch of different way ways you can kind of sneak by in california that's how we don't we don't always heard when i moved to phoenix it was like most of those kids were california kids and they would kind of inform me of on like la is more than just hollywood people here la they go hollywood it's like no it's just a huge city you would live anywhere right and you can be it's much i've talked to new york comics about this it's way easier to be poor in la way easier being poor in new york is extremely difficult you leave your door in new york there's a hundred dollars out of your hand because it's like oh you got to take a train you got to take a cab and you have

to go here to go this to do this to do that to that la it's like you can live crumped together with a bunch of dudes in an apartment in a cheap part of the valley or south you know what i mean you know what i mean or like by the airport and it's like you can do it significantly cheaper than new york it's like well you got to crowd into an even smaller space with even more people for even more money and getting around was even hard. It was even more of a financial challenge. So for me, I knew I was going to move to California.

I also love the idea of sunshine growing up in fucking snow. Right, good weather. Yeah, fuck yeah. I was like, I'm not doing, you know. But that was always my target. And once I got here, I knew I couldn't go back i didn't i just

didn't want to deal with the idea of having to go back having to go back you know like explaining and it's not like i took an l it would have been more i would have been more disappointed in myself it's not like my family would have been like oh he took an l he's a fucking loser no it would have been more i'm more mad they would have been like yeah man you went across the country you tried i would have been like no this i fucking this is what i set myself out to do it i'm gonna finish it yeah so for me you know it was more that thing you know like but the mystique is interesting because you growing up near it it's just a different perspective but that's what's crazy because me growing up it's like like i almost looked at New York like you looked at LA.

I was like, oh, man, that's where you go to make it. Oh, that's interesting. And even to this day, if I had the means of picking up and going, I would live in New York. You would? Like, yeah, I would live. Is it because of the stage time, because of the culture? What about New York would attract you? Yeah, first of all the for the stage time

and you know the comedy you know the community the community but like i i think i i'm just enamored with like i'm a city kid i i like a lot of people moving around it like if i if i lived in times square and had that amount of people moving all the time i would be so happy oh what a nightmare if i lived in the countryside quiet crickets outside but it'll drive me nuts i can i can hold three days of that and then i want out see i think maybe like i grew up in downtown chicago and then we moved to the suburbs when when my mom had my little sister and got remarried yeah and i i miss the city i always wanted to live a city lifestyle again but when i moved here i kind of just accepted the fact that that wasn't going to be the thing because

la isn't a city the way i was used to a city so i'm okay with it uh but as i've gotten older i like the crickets hey no i like the crickets really yeah bro give me the crickets yeah give me the crickets because because because of the lifestyle that we lead because of doing comedy every night and running around the country and shooting a TV show or doing this and doing that. And the amount of work that I kind of put on my plate, I think. I love the – when I get home and I hear the crickets, I love the crickets. Oh, no way. Give me the crickets, dude. No, dude.

Get out of here. See, but I do recognize this. There has to be a certain level of money coming in to enjoy new york at a certain thing you gotta be rich you gotta be fucking rich in that city you have to be so rich i mean look we have friends in the comedy game that own places in the city right and it's taken them a long time to get to that point and kudos to get to that point but also even when you get to that point of buying a nice ass place in new york you're still in the jungle, baby. You're still in this like—

And that's what's beautiful to me, man. Oh, fuck that. Someone lives above you. I'm not paying a million and a half dollars to hear a guy above me yelling and screaming and a guy down the hallway. And fuck that. Like, that's the craziest part about our culture, and new york is the money disparity is absurd yeah if you told someone in the middle of america i mean they're not dumb people know what it people know about this it's not a new thing but you buy a million dollar condo in new york and you're still

crowded that's great that's a crazy concept it's crazy yeah you want it too well you're gonna get it you know what you'll be in you'll be in new york jesus is gonna be so successful i'm telling you you are you're gonna be very successful seriously because you're very talented but jesus's ass is gonna be living in manhattan in soho in a three bed three bath and he paid eight 18 million for it and he's got a month and he's got a view of another building you know and I'll be living on a lake somewhere and buttfuck, I don't give a shit. And the house was only 200 grand and I'm going to be lamping, hanging out. No neighbors.

Leave me alone. I want to be on a lake. Me and the old lady have talked about that. Me and the old bag have said, I want to be on a lake when it's all over. Put me on a lake and leave me alone out there. I'll go die on my lake. So are you into like fishing and that kind of thing

where you're like... Fishing's all right. It's more about I just like the peacefulness of water, which is ironic because I fucking hate the beach in L.A. I don't ever want to be on the west side because I don't fuck with that. There's too much commotion. I like the peacefulness of water in a lake because it's calm. The ocean is pretty, but I don't like all the people it draws. I think you bring up a great point.

Actually, I like the commotion and the ocean i i grew up you know driving along the ocean to school every morning so it's like even when i go on the road and i don't see the water in like maybe a week or two i get weird yeah you like the ocean there's something about water that's made that does something yeah you drive even if i don't get in the water which by the way the way, I don't know how to swim. You never, what, you can't swim? No. You can't swim? I've never gotten in the water and swam. You just throw pennies at the water or sand.

A good old friend of mine used to have a joke. This makes me laugh. He doesn't do comedy anymore, but, man, he used to have a joke. Or maybe he is doing comedy again, but we did comedy years ago. But he used to have a joke about, and it's not my joke. I'm not saying it's mine, but he used to have a joke about, and it's not my joke. I'm not saying it's mine, but he used to have a joke. He said, he goes, I love going to see Mexicans at the beach in LA because they're the only people that will wear shoes in the water.

Like they don't take off their sneakers. Laced up. Yeah, laced up. And I was like, that's not true. And then I went, I was like, oh, shit. Yeah. They'll go swimming. They'll go swimming in the ocean. Not stepping on no don't want to get stung hey i thought that was wild it

was the first time i ever saw that in la is they would people would wear kicks in into the water i was like you can wear shoes in the fucking water yeah but that wasn't a big deal that was like a very normal thing yeah i i i would see it you know i you're not getting in the water ever you never had you never got in the ocean i mean growing up in long beach you didn't go i mean did you go down to seal beach did you go down to seal of course yeah i i used to i used to have a job over at in in seal beach uh like when we would uh oh as a matter of fact so like senior year when we would have like you know ditch fridays or whatever right we we would drive down to Bolsa Chica. Oh, Bolsa Chica is great.

For people that don't know, that was one of the remaining beaches in Southern California. We were allowed to have bonfires still on the beach. Yes, that's right. Bolsa Chica was a... Because I remember going down there and them telling us that. There was an old little bar there, like an old wooden shit shack bar. God, why can't I remember the name of it? Right before you got to Bolsa chica pat just past seal beach and it was um damn i wish i knew the name

but anyway um uh uh but they they would they told us that they were like oh yeah this is one of the only remaining state beaches where you can legally have open fire pits because most of the beaches you can't do that shit anymore california said no to that yeah seal beach bosa chica like shit like like i remember i was in uh this was senior year and uh i had my little bronco too it was like the the smaller bronco yeah eddie bauer edition but it was like a salvage salvage salvage truck what's up player like it would drive like leaning it was eddie bauer the outlet mall eddie bauer it was uh it was terrible but you know it ran so me and a couple homies like hey we're gonna go to bosa chica we're gonna go hang

out and my and another homie of mine he he had a a geo metro loved it i had two friends that had geo metros v3 yeah there were two bags that was you had to start you had the engine started like a fucking like an old ball more then it started off like a little toy car yeah and then it would go no yeah true truth that those were those are that's those are beautifully shit cars but that's what you drove in high school yeah it was it looked like a crack bold egg but so we go to Bolsa Chica. We have this, you know, there's like a bonfire. I mean, we stay out there late. We're coming back, all the homies, and he's pedaled to the floor. I mean, just gassing it.

He gets pulled over. I drive through, and we wait for him at this parking lot of like a CVS thing. So they ended up taking his car because no license and he was speeding oh so they take his car his pops was delivering pizzas right so so he showed up back home his dad was pissed he ended up having to like deliver pizzas in this huge like church van that he had for the whole family the 17 seat belt joint so his dad was so furious because the amount of gas he's wasting on this yeah was eight times what it was oh way worse the v3 would it was he was he were you guys out now he had no license it was speeding was he also drinking were you guys were

you guys sipping too that would have been troublesome i was not sipping i was a good kid but my homies were sipping and and i even told him i said hey don't bring the bottle in my car because if we get pulled over i don't want to get in trouble sure and so it was in his car later i found out it was in my car the whole time and the homies were just like put in yours no uh one of my other homies put it in the backpack and he just kept real quiet and didn't say nothing not cool you guys are wild man when's the first time you got liquored up do you remember first time i got liquored up uh probably like college yeah yeah yeah college no never in high school no wow good boy well if i did it was like with my pops you know like some some right at the house but a a half a beer a you know it's like but i mean the first time you got drunk like drunk drunk yeah yeah probably college where'd

you go to college uh cal state dominguez hills yeah man commuter school nobody plays sports there man let's just go home it's over school day's done we leave extracurricular activities were just jobs yeah jobs and and the bus to get home it was extracurricular hard to get the bus so when you you were at school and that what you got introduced to liquor at a party or were you not interested in it because of you were a good boy or because you just were like taking your time? It wasn't a thing. Even to this day, I'm more of like a whiskey kind of thing. You're on the right show. Yeah, but never beer.

It was never my thing. Yeah. Never, never. Today? How about today? To this day. Yeah, you don't drink beer. IPAs is tough to even kind of stomach.

Oh, really? Yeah, just like, ooh. I like a couple of beers, but I was also a beer hound when I was young. I i liked beer i liked whiskey as a kid because it was always in my family because my grandfather and my by process of my grandfather my grandmother drinking they would drink manhattans everybody liked whiskey in my family and then so the irish you know the thing the thing yeah i become the whiskey kid i liked it a lot but then i got into beer for a while in college because you can't pound whiskey all day no and in college you can drink a thousand beers it's a

trip to me today i drink a couple of beers in the sunshine in my backyard and and i'm buzzing tired and i need to take a nap when we were in school we used to i mean we had a kegerator and we had a we had a thing on top of it you You just put a dollar in if you drank. If you drank out of the kegerator, just put a dollar in because that will help us get a new keg. So when we'd run out, usually we'd have 30 or 40 bucks in there. And kegs back then were only 45, 50 bucks for natty light or whatever. That's great. I know.

It's great. And then we'd refill it. But we could drink that thing all day. Smoke, weed. Take other drugs if you were interested to keep you going. Right? Yeah. Still, by the evening, I'd be fine.

I used to be able to run so hot and heavy, nothing could slow me down. Now, a couple of beers in the sunshine and I'm like, I gotta take a nap. Yeah, right. My stomach, my neck hurts. You know what I mean? I take a nap weird. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you in part by Manscaped. Manscaped

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We used to, like, in college, I worked at a golf course. Oh, that's another thing I want to talk to you about. Go ahead. Sorry, I don't want to cut, but you just reminded me of something. Okay. So I used to work at a golf course. Which course? Los Verdes.

Oh, yeah. And Palos Verdes. Oh, yeah. So I worked there all through college. And me and my homie, I worked the range. I picked up balls on the range before they made it all nice. We had to go shovel balls into the back of trucks, into the little truck that everyone aims at dude i got knocked out twice we can get into that um but i uh mechanic kind of cleaning like the little carts whatever the cart barn so cart

barn and range and uh people would leave beers like they would come in after a round like hey man i got a little beer for you bro i used I used to put them down. Like, that was my only recollection of ever like, being into beer because you're just bored and working. So I would, I would drink all day.

It was like, I'd probably leave work after nine beers. Yeah, and how old were you? 22? Yeah. 21?

21, 22, you could drink a thousand fucking, dude, you couldn't stop me From drinking beers You get sober again I would drink so much

You'd be sober again Just pour beer In that tilted big gold cup Oh yeah Don't let it foam up It was great It was one of the best Yeah me and the homie

Used to just kill him And there was a Man this guy was so cool His name was Bob Right Bob And his daughter Turns out his daughter Married Tim Thomerson

Do you know Tim Thomerson? Comic from the Yeah Wait who's his daughter? it turns out his daughter married Tim Thomerson. Do you know Tim Thomerson? Comic from the... Yeah. Wait, who's his daughter? So Bob, the guy that used to go to the golf course. Right. So his daughter married Tim Thomerson. Oh, okay, okay.

I never got to meet her. She didn't work for... Okay, okay. No, no. And he used to come by, but he was one of the first salesmen, from what I understand, for Heineken beer. Oh, wow. So he would sell all up and down Sunset Boulevard. And, you know, he had the best stories, but he loved Heineken.

So he would come to the course, just this adorable older man. Right. Would show up just to putt, hit a couple balls on the range. And I would hook him up with a bucket of balls. Just like, I'm not going to let this man buy a bucket of balls. So I'd hook him up. We would hook him up with the bucket of balls just like i'm not gonna let this man buy a bucket of balls so i'd hook him up we all hook him up right and he'd give us one heineken beer wrapped up in a like a trash bag he's like here you go i got you a little something it was the best but we all everyone in the cart barn knew about it so as soon as we saw uh bob pull up in the in the t-shirt here comes bob here comes bob get the egg get over here bro we all

look like little dogs trying to get adopted just you know yeah you know the best posture possible am i am i am i oh thank you bob thank you bob yeah that's great like damn he got the beer today so well you got knocked out twice on the range you have to tell this story yeah bro i i was out there like uh we were uh they were out there fixing uh the range and me and my homie angel we would be the ones like working the range or whatever so one day i'm i'm out there fixing the range. And me and my homie Angel, we would be the ones like working the range or whatever. So one day I'm out there. And by the way, everyone like aims at that cart. You know, it's like.

You don't do that when you're. No, because I remember being the guy. Oh, I'm aiming right at that cart of the driving range. You hit it. It's 10 bucks from your friend. I'm always like 10 bucks on the car. He's like 10 bucks. I'm aiming right for it.

And so I get out and I'm shoveling balls. you know the only protection we had mind you was this like safari hard hat but wait a minute time out so people know at the driving range i'm aiming at them because they're in a cart with a cage right why did you get out i've never seen getting out of the car you never should get out right they made you get out yeah bro that's no no bueno i'm also never gonna aim at a dude that's out but when they're driving it with a cage you can't damage them in the cage so as you're driving around with this little cart it's picking up balls or whatever but then it would jam up and there's at the time now it has grass but at the time they had turf but they put turf in it i guess in the late the late 90s. So it was all ripped. All the balls would get stuck in the turf, you know?

So you could see dirt. You could see, like, pieces of cloth hanging. So we would go in and shovel the balls into the back of it, and you would hope. It's like, hey, you kind of wave at people. Hey, don't hit me. And you just hear whoosh, whoosh. I hated every second of it, right?

So I'm shoveling balls, and thank god this thing wasn't a direct hit but it it like bounced off of like the ball picker in front of the cart and it hit me right here bro I buckled like I hit the ground like it was like roly poly just bro I kid you not it it it bro

I'm sorry bro the visual is hilarious bro bro I I was out. When you got knocked out, you just put your arms up for no reason? Yeah. Yeah. So it hit you in the... Did it break anything?

Did you see the fight of Mas Vidal and Ben Askren? Yes. When he... Yeah. That's what I look like. This is you? Yeah. I was out.

Did it break anything? Crack anything? Nothing. No, I got hit here and I'm out. And I can still kind of hear stuff when you're knocked out. You can kind of hear stuff. I remember seeing a bunch of little colorful dots everywhere. Oh, yeah.

When you're knocked out, you're still, I mean, you're semi-conscious. I mean, you still know what's going on. Your brain is trying to get through the fog. Yeah, and there's like all these like kind of like, you know, like colored dots or whatever. But then I hear another cart coming towards me. I remember this vivid like. And then I hear the voice of not an angel the homie angel he's like hey dog they called and said you're out here sleeping dog and he's like shaking me and i'm

like trying to come up i'm like you you dumb fuck and i'm like i'm crying yeah you know i start crying i'm gasping for air and i'm like i got knocked out he's like oh shit dog he's like somebody called the carbo and said you were out here just chilling it's like like i got knocked out he's like oh shit dog he's like somebody called the carball and said you were out here just chilling i was like no i got knocked out what an asshole cut to a couple weeks later uh i i see him come to work because we're gonna switch shifts and he's coming to work he's about to clock in and he's limping i'm like what happened he's like don't talk to me dog he got hit in the shin yeah he just should bandage up that's what we get for but i'd rather take the shin and the neck that's what i mean dude my dad one time hit a dude it took a bounce and hit a dude in the chest and they had to send him to the hospital to get

x-rays because they thought they might have broke something and he was fine but thank god but it skipped off the ground boof and hit the dude right in the center of the fucking chest you ever been hit you ever been hit out there no which is crazy knock on wood but like uh this is another thing. So Jesus is an avid golfer as of quite recently. You only started golfing how long ago? No, I've been golfing since I was in college. That's where I learned it.

But you told me that you really have started. I really started it as of a couple years ago. Because that's when I learned it and i got lessons i used to get lessons by this uh the pga pro at the course uh uh uh baroza was his last name right um dude used to have a little flask i mean the works and just start yelling at people hey that's not how you do it oh so the deal i had was i i would clean the buckets of balls for his class have them ready and i would get a 30 minute lesson at the end of the week it's huge so i mean that's where i took it money man as of a few years ago that's where i'm like i'm gonna do it on my own i'm gonna really like play how many how many how many kids

uh that you grew up with golf zero it was just so so angel and i when we started man working there we didn't know how to play. We just started. I mean, every club that I have has been given to me by somebody at the course. Right. So I assembled this cool set just by golf clubs that were given to me by different. Is that what you have now? Yeah. It's my favorite set ever.

And even Angel, that's how he got his set. But man, you look at Angel, tatted, blasted up full. Yeah. But he's good. He lights out. They judge him. You know, it's like sometimes you get paired up. Who's this Mexican man?

They let this gangster. He's like, why is he out here? Who's this vato they let on the course here, pal? You know, he got some foot joys and some dicky pants. Like, all right, well, we'll see. And then he just slams it. And you're like, wow, man. But, yeah, he learned there.

I learned there, man. It's just such a beautiful sport. And I wish more people would get into it. But I mean, it's an expensive sport. That's the biggest problem. It's expensive. Well, it's become cheaper as time has gone on. Cheaper, yeah.

Yeah, it's become cheaper. When I was a kid, country club people played golf and that was kind of it. You know what I mean? I was a kid you didn't play a country club people play golf and that was kind of it you know what I mean like you you didn't really afford golf public courses weren't as plentiful and they also weren't as cheap at the time anyway back then they were not but now it's gotten a lot easier for people to play golf which I think is their goal because they know that golf has gone down so much it's a sport that a lot of people talk shit about that that if you don't know it never played it people kind of seeing it as it's this old rich white sport which is true but man i

wish the dynamic changed more because more people should play it's such a fun way to get out chill out walk a little bit get some exercise like get outside is so nice and it's a self-competition which is so fun you know but also the people that you meet when you go play like i've i've you know through comedy you go on the road you you know you're performing in a different state different city every weekend but i get to go play golf yeah the people that i meet phenomenal man it's the best it's a it's a it's a great community the the the unfortunate truth is it still is an old rich white guy sport so there is kind of a hoity-toityness to it that needs to be eradicated because it has nothing to do with the game itself like there's this idea that uh the way you dress and the way you look and all these

things should matter really it should be your your attitude in my opinion it's your respect for the other golfer and that's all i care about i don't give a shit about any other detail you know i just think i think a lot of old school dudes that i played with they get hung up on the details and you're like bro we're gonna have fun as long as we're out here to have a good time yeah cut the bullshit this is this isn't for money speaking of cutting the bullshit you're really good though i'm all right yeah i know you're really good okay i'm okay i like i like playing i like playing so did you start playing when you were younger how'd you get introduced to the game yeah like we i try i'm always curious how you got introduced to the game. I took a lesson.

Well, I took a couple lessons when I was a kid, but then I also worked on a golf course. Oh, no way. Yeah, I worked on a golf course when I was in junior high. Caddy? Yeah, I was a caddy. I mean, first of all, I first worked on, it was like cleaning maintenance crew, which is vague because that's not the right term. But we were really kind of gophers, right? So it was kind of like pull flags, leave markers for tournaments,

clean up, putting greens, right? Yeah, like we had to do all the gopher work, right? Like all the bullshit gopher work, arrange stuff. And then I started caddying. Caddying was the worst carrying a grown man's bag is the worst bullshit on planet earth it sucks i'd recommend it to literally nobody

it's a the people that do caddy the men that do caddy because back then it used to be a kid's job now it's a man's job especially country clubs are all grown men that do it and they can make a great living doing yeah ton of money man when i was kid, it was a young dude's job, and you made no money. You made $25 a round or something like that, which it's four to four and a half hours. You made $25, so you do the fucking math, and then you hope for a good tip.

And I'll never forget, dude. I'll never forget. I got change from a guy. He gave me change. What? I don't even remember how much it was because I dropped it, I got change from a guy. He gave me change. What? I don't even remember how much it was because I dropped it. I was shocked. But he gave me change. And he said, good stuff.

And he walked away. And I was so sad. I just dropped the change. It just rolled away. And I went back into the clubhouse. I was just like, this isn't worth it, man. I mean, so many experiences like that of getting ripped off. And also, you know, they treat you like shit.

You're carrying their bag. They think you're less than them. That's another, that's a thing of the sport that I don't like is there's a disrespect that exists within this culture that's bullshit. Huge. Huge. And even like working the range or like working the cart barn, you know, a lot of finger snaps and, you know, come do this.

Hey, get out. Hey, come here. Come, please. Speedy Gonzalez, come here, sir. You name it. You name it. I heard it all there, man. You probably heard some racist-ass bullshit.

Of course. Of course. It's a cultural thing for these old dudes. It started off with the hello. Hey, amigo. Fuck, here we go. Hey, amigo. That was a jump off.

Amigo! I said, ah, shit. Hello, my amigo. Compadre! I said, oh, this guy's really on one. Feliz copliano, sir! Yeah, and they're trying to throw in Spanish. But that's an old symptom of this country club attitude of like,

you work for me, boy. a it's really fucked up it's it's uh it's on some that's the thing about golf that i need i want gone in order for me to be more in love with the game because even as somebody who um but there's good people like there is dude but but but but but but the culture has really done itself a disservice. And the proof is in the pudding. Yeah, historically speaking, I mean, yeah, it's been bad. But I will say this. It's like, you say you don't recommend working at a golf club.

No, no. I don't like it. I didn't like caddying as a kid. Caddying, okay. No, I recommend it. Yeah, it's an okay job. I wouldn't say caddy as an eighth grader. That I did not enjoy. No, I think it's cool because it's an okay job. I wouldn't say caddy as an eighth grader. That I did not enjoy.

No, I think it's cool because here's the one thing. A golf course attracts a successful person from all walks of life, meaning you can play with a successful landscaper, mechanic, to like an engineer, lawyer, what have you. But it's like you get point of view from all walks of life. And there's a special kind of person that's able to play a round of golf at 9am on a Wednesday. Right. That's not a bad mechanic. That's a fairly successful mechanic. Or, you know, a guy who does, you know, electrical work or, you know, is, you know, construction, whatever it is, like

jobs that you're like, Oh, I don't know about that no they're very successful and they might be paired up in a in a threesome foursome with an engineer you know lawyer that kind of thing so that side of it i do enjoy and i met i met a lot of you know retired elder men who who were just like you know they put you up on game had i not chosen a path of of of comedy like i i think I would have had some connects, you know, into the business world. So did you look at it as business opportunities as well? I realized that what I was, but that's not what I went into it. No, I know, but that's a very keen sensibility. And I understand exactly what you're saying because no one that's playing golf on a weekday is someone who's struggling for cash. Cause you wouldn't go play golf in the middle

of the week if you were financially strapped. I mean, this is like, we used to, we, we used to put for, for, for cigarettes with, uh, with the guys there. So Bob, he is like, we used to putt for cigarettes with the guys there. So Bob, he was there. He didn't smoke, but there was another guy, Australian Cat. He sold stuff on eBay. So he would, I don't know what he would sell, but he would list stuff all day. And then

at twilight, he would come in and just putt. Just putt around. It's like, what does this guy do to afford to be here every single day? Right. And we found out he did that. There was another guy that used to come down that would just play just a twilight and then go putt until it became dark. His name was George Sinfo. He was a guy.

Sinfo. Sinfo, yeah. From New York, I believe. And he worked at Saatchi and Saatchi. Oh, shit. And I went to school. I was at, you know, Cal State Dominguez at the time studying marketing. He's like, hey, I see you hustling.

What do you want to do? I'm like, well, I'm going to school for marketing, but I want to be a comic. He's like, well, let's talk about the marketing thing. He's like, what do you want to do with that? Everybody. Dad, the comedy thing is a whole other thing. I don't want to get into that. Which, by the way, Bob was all for it.

Bob was for comedy. Bob was for comedy. Is Bob alive? I love this dude. Can we have him on the show? He passed away recently God Come on Jesus

Yeah man Rest in peace Bob We love you dog They named one of the benches After him Angel told me So that's so cool They give you a bench

When you die at a golf course That's the whole thing And his quote is on there He's like I think I'm onto something Like he would go Like hit balls for like That's a great quote

He would hit balls For like two hours He'd come back He's like I think I'm onto something here He he would go like hit balls for like. That's a great quote. He would hit balls for like two hours. He'd come back. He's like, I think I'm onto something here. He's like, you got to do this. And then you got to swing through. I'll see you. That's a really sweet, that's a really sweet, simple thing to do for Bob.

Yeah, that is very cool. And yeah. But yeah, George, George Simfo was like, hey, I retired from Saatchi & Saatchi. Let me take you down. So he took me and gave me a tour of the place. Oh, wow. And introduced me to the person that does internships there. It's like, hey, you should have an internship here.

And they were based out of Torrance, right? Right. Right by the Delama Mall. Right. One of their offices here. And so I go, and I go to the first round of interviews and i'm like i got some shows coming up open mics you know i'm like coffee shop shit yeah i'm like i don't know that this is gonna conflict you know your priorities were right i say i still think what

would have happened had i gone to your priorities were right but yeah no it's too good of a comic to have done anything else and that's a that fact. I would have got fired for saying some... Yeah, yeah. ...big shit. Betting cigarettes for something weird over at Saatchi and Saatchi. I bet it fucked, yeah. No, the culture of golf is one that I think...

I'm just a new school cat in an old school world, you know, and I love the game so much, but people, most young people don't give a shit about it because, first of all, because Tiger Woods was the only minority that gave a shining light within the game so it's hard to attract young minorities outside of young white audiences that's a very big detriment okay and on top of that um the game lacks it what what it what it prides itself on is in my opinion what it lacks for youth culture

which is kind of freedom of expression and freedom of freedom of style and freedom of of uh honestly a personality right like people could complain whatever however they want but professional athletes are still fucking people they deserve to be who they are unabashedly so and whether or not you think they're good people is is in my opinion not part of the whole thing. You like them because they're a good athlete. I hope that they're good people. But at the end of the day...

It's beside the point. Yeah, yeah. That's to me. But for golfers, they have to put on this fake face, right? This brings me to this very obvious point of golf. They always have to have this phony, I'm such a good guy. I'm perfect. I'm a part of this class,

this elitist fucking mentality. So when Tiger Woods likes fucking girls behind a Waffle House, he's the worst person to ever live. That's a beef I have with the game that I'll never get over. In my opinion, the greatest golfer in my generation that I've seen,

people can bark at me about the you know, the, the, the Elderman, but Nicholas and Palmer are phenomenal golfers. They're the best of all time. But my generation was the first to see someone like that do what he did. And, and Tiger for the first time changed the game in a way that was, that, that, that was shocking. It was like, whoa, the game in a way that was that was shocking it was like whoa the game can be

personalized you can get excited when you make a fucking putt you can be like fuck yes you can be stoked about doing something dope in sports

he brought flavor to a flavorless fucking game and then he was punished because of people's personal opinions about his ethics and his morals

I don't judge your ethics and your morals that's on you you're a fucking golfer to me I don't judge your ethics and your morals. That's on you. You're a fucking golfer to me. I don't give a fuck. You want to fuck girls at the Waffle House? That's not my business. It shouldn't be anybody's business.

That bothered me to no end that people chastise this man about his private life with him and his wife. That's between him and his wife and their family. That's not with me. That's not with us. It's not with me. It's not my fucking business. It's not.

And so people's morals and their ethics, they get to throw stones at somebody but i think you hit it on the nose it's like i hope he's a good person but it's like i the reason i tune in is because i want to see him golf and do his thing yes yes dude as long as he's got as long as these people are doing their best to be people like like you and like i am just the same who am i to fucking judge what he does in his private life? It's his fucking business. You can be against his behavior, but to banish him and to do what they did to him

really always put a sour taste for the game in my mouth. And it really brought it back to this old school elitist mentality that I think it's going to be a long time before we get back to a place of progression in terms of what Tiger did,

you know, as far as touching so many different cultures, let's be real. How many other black golfers, you know, are going to be able to do what he did? How many other non-white golfers? Tony Finau might be the only other brown skin guy that's in that elite top 25. Sure. Of a name that's going to be mentioned. I mean, for the longest time, Vijay Singh was the only fucking other brown guy I could think of.

But one of the things I think about, like, Tiger Woods and his comeback, like the comeback to witness has been so much sweeter than the come up. It's like to have it all and, you know, be treated the way he did, you know, sure he made a mistake and all, you know, but for him to come back the way that he did, I mean, yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's incredible. I mean, did you watch him and, uh, him and Peyton Manning take on Phil Mickelson and,

no, I didn't see that. Oh, so great. Sweet. Oh, so great. Just,

it was a great charity run. Yeah. It was a great little charity run. They raised $20 million, Tom Brady and, uh, Phil Mickelson versus, uh,

Tiger and Peyton Manning. And of course, Peyton and tiger one because that's that's what i wanted nobody wanted to see fucking tom brady also be good at golf you know what i mean yeah he's a legend man he's a legend tiger and it's it's like uh ben hogan had that uh that that quote is like you find it in the dirt you know it's like you find it and and for tiger he he he found it in the dirt through and through from the beginning to the comeback. And it's like, man, what a beautiful game.

It has a lot of parallels with life. That's another reason I love that game. You find that, huh? You find that it's got very simple little moments that remind you of things in life, huh? Yeah, because it's like, what's the common saying that they say? It's like, it's that one shot that gets you to come back. Gets you to come back. Yeah, yeah.

That's what stand-up is. It's like, why do you get up on stage again? It was that one laugh and that new joke, that new tag. It's like there's so much parallels to life, being patient, being able to correct your game. It's like, sure, you aimed one spot, but you ended up over here. What, are you going to cry or figure out what the proper tool is and get yourself out of a predicament?

Well, it's a testament to self to uh uh self-stability in in sports there's not not many sports where um it's that mental right tennis tends to be that mental that i hear i mean i'm not a big tennis player but i hear that tennis is a lot of mental but golf is such a mental game of like how can you recover from something negative you don't really when you miss a basketball shot that doesn't really sink as hard with you because you're gonna take 50 more you know whatever it's just there's something about that game that checks your mentality one of my worst joke i'll give you one of my worst one of my first jokes that i ever told yeah was this was how it was so shitty uh and by the way god did this not hold up time wise but it reminds you

just dude it brought me out of that and the whiskey brought me out of this i was like oh my god you have a golf joke i used to to say, I used to say, um, this is when I first started comedy. It was terrible. I said, um, golf is a very hard sport. It's very challenging, you know, and I find it to be just like dating. It's exactly like dating. You know, when you, when you shank a ball into the woods and you go looking for that ball, when you go out, it's just like when you go looking for that ball when you go out it's just like when you go out at night looking for a girl you're looking for that brand new titleist you know that's set that's sexy that's sexy smooth clean soft just the right dimples you know and

but you look and you look all all day you look for this ball just like all night you're looking for the right one by the end of the night you, ugh, I'll just take a range ball, you know? It's yellow, it's been hit before. It was such a bad joke, but for some reason, like, certain crowds thought it was like,

they were like, that's, that's so funny. I was like, it's such a poorly written joke and such a bad joke, but for me, I was golfing so much

when I, when I first moved out here. You found the correlation. Oh, yeah. It was for a young comic golfer. Young shitty comic correlation. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It was like, yeah, you've take a range ball. It's been, and I said, it's been, it's yellow and it's been hit before.

And then someone afterwards said, um, beyond the abuse part of it, which is not a, you know, which is fucked up. That's like a, it's been hit before,

but they go, uh, why yellow? That's a hard thing to get out of. I'm like, it they're like is that an asian joke i'm like i don't know man that's a golf range it's a golf range joke but also yeah man i'm ignorant yet i didn't get there yet you when you when you're young and joke writing you just don't get there you're like i don't know man i'm just i'm yeah i'm figuring out what's your first worst joke you do you remember some of your worst couple of jokes your first jokes that used to tell that were

yeah you're like yeah they're in this special bro I open and close with them actually yeah I remember I had this joke about

the death penalty that was my first joke ever what did it give them to hear it so it's stupid but no shit let's hear it baby

I remember there was a guy that was about to be executed uh gonna get the death penalty and i remember reading the in the newspaper and uh he asked for their uh the last meal because because of this particular person they they decided to i don't know if it's still a thing but you can't ask for the last meal anymore because they were asking for like wild yeah crazy shit crazy shit yeah yeah this guy asked for like a bunch of ice cream flavors or tubs of ice cream or whatever and uh so i named off the examples that they gave him like if um if i was in the death like if i had

the death penalty and they asked me what my last meal would be i'd ask for a red bull because i heard it gives you wings and And I just looked around. Nothing. It was so bad. But in my head, I'm like correlation because the wings. And again, I think. You're like wings, I can fly, I get a body. Yeah.

Again, I think in cartoons. So it's like I would see the commercial in my head with the. Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to kill him with this. Right. And no. But the animation would have helped. Right. Did you do the sound?

Did you do the thing? No, I was too young in comedy. Yeah. Did you do the sound? Did you do the thing? No, I was too young in comedy. Yeah, when you do your physical end to it, then it works. Then I'm laughing. That's what's interesting, right? Who do I think I am? I'm like Seinfeld.

I'm like, and then it works! Yeah. I used to have this physical joke that I thought was like the funniest thing this world has ever seen. Yeah, what is it? Aside from, you know, armpit fart sound.

Never gets old. Or this one. You know? Remember this one when you fart under your leg you ever do that under your leg that's like like yeah that's like being able to do this but with fart sounds you're like can you i can't do that only whistle whistle like this you know that thing yeah and your mouth can't do that shit yeah that's how you whistle no with your front teeth front teeth? You don't go like this? Well, look at my teeth. I mean, what a setup. I'm like, what's up, man? Don't tell those teeth can't do that. Hey. What's the other joke?

Oh, this joke where it's like, oh, my dad set me up on a blind date. He was like, man, you're going to love this girl. It's like, you know, her waist is like this. I'm like, what? She's that skinny? And then I go on this date and I come back. I figure it out. It was waist, you know, her waist is like this. I'm like, what? She's that skinny? And then I go on this date and I come back. I figure it out. It was waist to waist.

I mean, I and that joke used to bomb. Yeah. Like that's a fun joke, though. But sometimes it would get like a like a like a hit or something. And in my head, I'm like, what am I doing wrong? It's like because I would figure out logistically, like, do I have to put my hands in front of the mic stand and go like this right do i gotta go like this and i would workshop how to present it this bomb night after night yeah but that's important workshopping a bomb is important that's how you know if a joke is bad yeah no that's it's a bread and butter we

have to we have to do field testing i'll tell you you get you i'll give you another bad joke that i used to tell that actually started that work bad jokes jokes it actually worked it used to work a lot i used to tell when i did the boat in long beach i used to when i did queen mary in long uh uh uh when you said uh eddie the eddie bauer i said my dad drives a um ford explorer eddie bauer edition uh but i'm i'm broke i couldn't afford that so i'm have i got the hyundai sonata forever 21 edition and it used to go over so well for it is a terrible joke but people love that people are like oh yeah and i'm like yeah i'm gonna get that uh uh what i said i i'm gonna get the um pontiac uh sunfire ross collection people love that It's just, it's such a bad joke,

but they love the simplicity of it. It's like when you give someone they've seen before a thing that they know, they go, yeah, I get that. I see that. I can feel that.

That was one of my worst jokes that literally would work all the time. And I remember even telling it, I was like, I fucking hate this joke. Sometimes you tell shit that you hate. You get old, like, are you done?

All the jokes you've done for your special that's out right now you're done right that's it you can't do them again yeah i don't want to do them they're burnt yeah they're burnt yeah you burnt them that's what we say you burnt all those jokes i'm like excited and happy to get into new stuff i'm you know how much time do you have right now outside of the special do you think 25 and that's because that's because when did you film it november 2nd of 2019 okay so i had about yeah because there was like yeah there was like two bits that i that i ended up cutting out of the special because the the special was like an hour and 10 so i took those 10 minutes back so i

got 25 working on brand new that's great so that's great yeah honestly man that's hard i mean most most of us are trying to work as hard as we can when you do put out a long you know either a half hour an hour or whatever is when you're putting out stuff you gotta have something in the chamber because it's hard to start from scratch dude man yeah cooking is tough yeah it's like doing dough you know you you want a little bit of stock from the previous pile right in there just to get the zero is bad to be at man like i don't know about you but like the feeling i had that weekend i mean i i it was a saturday when i taped it so it's like but that sunday i remember that monday like i remember having this feeling of going like

now what yeah but our but our rules are our unwritten rules of comedy are you are allowed to do the jokes until the special comes out now the special is out now you're gonna put them to bed but you can tour and do them until the thing comes out you know and then when it comes out then you gotta gotta you gotta kind of gotta you gotta put them to sleep you gotta put them to bed then you gotta go find them in the dirt like ben hogan said you gotta ben hogan them out of the dirt um look everyone at home should be watching uh hazel's special right now on showtime if you don't have showtime do yourself a favor get showtime because you get three months for free you can try it and jesus doesn't give a

shit if you cancel after three months yeah it doesn't it's not gonna affect him just give him the number boost of watching the special right yeah just you know go on there watch the special watch some other program and cancel you know cancel it cancel at two days and 29 months depending on the 29 sorry cancel two months 29 days depending on the on the month but watch it um stay at home son uh incredible comic great dude you're gonna keep killing it we end every episode the same way I want you to look inside the camera. You're going to say one word or one phrase to end the episode when I'm off camera. You choose what it is whenever you're ready.

Okay. I think I'm on to something. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.