Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - John Crist

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

Santino sits down with John Crist to chat about breaking out into christian church arenas, getting sober, breaking barriers of the industry and satisfying a market that was virtually untouched and they reminisce about the challenging moment they met. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! BUTCHER BOX Meat eaters Free Chicken, hot dogs and burgers!!! Go to https://www.butcherbox.com/whiskey EVIVE NUTRITION Get smoothies on the go! 20% off and FREE Delivery!! https://evivenutrition.com/whiskeyginger20 SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off! CUTS CLOTHING - Premium quality with minimal nonsense Built for performance and to wear for all occasions http://cutsclothing.com/whiskey for 15% OFF your first order Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey say. It's John Crist. John Crist, I've known this dude for, I think we calculated, almost a decade. He's a great entertainer, a very funny dude, funny comedian. He does funny sketches online. You gotta check this dude out. He's hilarious, dude. I love him. He's in Nashville now, which is where I am right now as we record this podcast. I'm in Nashville right now. Come see me. Also I'm on tour. The Tito Chito tour is here, baby. It's in full effect. We already got Denver out of the way, then Nashville. Then I'm also doing a Boston and San Francisco and I'm

doing Atlanta and I'm doing, I mean, I'm all over the place. Then we go to Cancun with me and Bobo, then Columbus and Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids, Philly, San Diego, Phoenix, Washington, D.C., St. Louis, Kansas City, Chicago, Albany, Portland, Seattle, and we're adding dates. Atlanta's in there. We're adding dates as we go. So go to andrewsantino.com for tickets, andrewsantino.com for tickets, andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Enough rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again.

Today, it's John Crist. John, thanks for coming to the show. You go ahead with my intro. Hey, man. You know what I mean? We've got a long relationship. Don't try to boss me around, pal. You know I'll knuckle up on you real fast.

Just because you've got tall hair doesn't mean I won't knock you out still, bro. Yeah, you're right, dude. You're right. John Crist, an old friend, a great comedian, a gentleman I've known for... Let's give a real estimate here. It's been over a decade, right? It was 15 years. 14 years?

I'd like to think that we shot that thing 2010, maybe. I bet it's somewhere around there. 10 or 11 years we've known each other. Yeah, it hasn't been more than that. But if you don't know John, you very much so should. He is a very funny comedian. He puts out a lot of content on the interwebs with all the kids. That's a good way to say that.

You're one of the interwebs cats. I'll take it. Like in the world of like I'm one of the podcast guys, you're one of the internet core of comic internet creators. Well, you know Lucy at Zany's? She just texted me today. They're in town. They're in L.A.

Oh, they're here. Yeah, they're here right now. It's funny when you introduce me to put John Chris YouTube sensation. That's like a roast for a comic. Isn't it? Who cares? I mean, it's full. When somebody says, Andrew Santino, podcaster,

why do I care? Yeah, you shouldn't. I've said for years, I don't care how they know me as long as they know me and like what I put out. So if they go, oh, I didn't. Oh, is that the guy from like Punk? You're like, if you're here in the. Sure.

If you're in this. Hey, sure. 100%. Sure. Did you buy the ticket? Sure. I don't like, I don't care where they know me as long as they were like, this is why we came. Yeah.

Because you're going to create a wealth of your resume. And then everybody's in there for it. Where, where. I always like to ask when you're out somebody says dude are you are you from what Bad Friends podcast

me and Bobby's show that's where people recognize you the most that is wild this show gets a lot of love this show gets a lot of love but also Bad Friends

is by far gosh that's so good yeah one of the biggest comedy podcasts in the world bud are you paying attention to what's going on? Yeah, let's go.

Bobby Lee, there's no bigger fan of Bobby Lee than me. You don't like him. You don't know him. Once you know him, then you don't like him. He's horrible? He is a disgusting little dumpling. No, but for real, when people see you, what do they say? Well, now they say TikTok.

Oh, you're huge on TikTok. Everybody. How many followers are on there? 1.1 million. So what? That's what I say. Yeah, agreed. Agreed How many followers are on there? 1.1 million. So what? That's what I say. Yeah, that... So what?

Agreed, agreed. No, no, that's good. No. I mean, I have a half a million, and I don't even do anything. So what does that say about you? Better. Nothing.

Oh, yeah, you're right. Well, everybody's like, dude, what... I love... No, I love... You've made great videos for years. TikTok is a new platform for you, but your stuff... But isn't that, like...

No one ever came up to me, ever, and said, hey, did I recognize you from Laughs on Fox? Mm-hmm. Come on, man. Never.

Dude, were you the guy on Carson Daily I saw at 3.30 in the morning? Never. I think they got 90 views. I think they literally told us they got 90 views. And you and your good buddy

make a podcast together. Everybody... Like, pay it... Don't listen to anybody else on the streets or anywhere, or agents or anything. Just say say when people see you yeah in public what do they say pay attention to that that's true that's it that's that to me that's and this is also going to lead me back to what i want i want to get this out of the way to tell people our relationship and how we know each other we shot a pilot together that i casted you in because i was on i helped produce

it it was really weird don't want to get into that part of it but I helped produce and organize it and all this stuff and and I'm not gonna I'm not blowing up your spot but you told me you we became kind of close on the set and you had kind of admitted to me that you weren't on you were uncomfortable with one of the one of the bits that they were going to run on the show one of the scenes yeah and I asked you why and you told me that because you were religious. Yeah. And I, I respected the shit out of it immediately because I said, you know, there is a world in TV and film where people just go, so what? Just shut the fuck up and do the thing that we get over it. They do that to people a lot. Yeah. But I immediately was

like, well, I didn't have that much power anyway, but I was like, yeah, you're not going to do the bit. And I told the other, the executive producer, I said, you know, he doesn't want to do the bit. And he was like, why? And I said, he's not comfortable. And you didn't do the bit. No. But I was like, I respected you a lot because of that. And that led us down this road of like, you stood your ground, which I thought was cool.

Yeah. And then you, then it led this road. You came to LA and I'll never forget, you said to me one night. I tell this story all the time. Oh, you do? To other comics. Well, you said to me one night I tell this story all the time to other comics. Well, you said to me, I can't get in at the store as I think, look, this is going to be frayed but that's the basic.

I said, why do you want to get in the store so bad? Because I had been in it and that's kind of my home club. And you said, that's what people do here. That's like the whole thing. And long story short, I just said, you're so good in your lane, right? Like just like, and not to say that your lane is only religious. Yeah.

But you appeal to that group very much so. And at the time you had been doing shows at churches, like banquet halls and stuff, right? Yeah. And you were doing great. And I was like, how are you not seeing that you're the only one driving in that lane? Why would you want to get in the congested lane with all this other traffic? Yeah, with all of, yeah, yeah. With all the other comment.

Yep. You're probably going to tell it more eloquently than I tell it. I tell things, yeah. But I just said that. I was like, dude, you're in your own lane. Just stay in that lane and drive as fast as you can because you're dominating a space that nobody's in.

Why would you want to get on the busy, busy highway? You're in the fast pass, dude. You're in the HOV lane. Yeah, you said that like all of us here are trying to do what you're doing. Yes. We're trying to get into a space of our own. I remember, this is the thing I always quote. You go, you're going to

come down here five nights a week until three in the morning, and three years from now, they're going to pass you, and you're going to go back into the green room, and you're going to realize, oh, this ain't it. This is not it. And we love the store the store yeah that's my club it's my home club this is no no yeah but like hey like this is there's nothing like you

were like in essence like there's nothing for you here i kind of yeah not in a negative way no not negative that wasn't going to benefit you in the way that you thought it was going to yes and i think when you learned it and knew it and accepted it for yourself you put all of your energy back into doing stand-up in your space. And made it great. And making videos. Yeah. And creating content that were for you and for your audience.

And if you didn't get it. Well, who cares? Yeah. Yeah, who cares if it didn't do bad? Grow up. Like, that was the whole, so, extended version is much longer than that of our relationship and how it grew over the years. But that was the so yeah uh extended version is much longer than that of our relationship and how it grew over the years but that was the truth and then to watch you blow up i remember calling you i was driving on the freeway going to my house oh man and i called you and i was like so

stoked to tell you how happy i was for you yeah because i had just seen what you had grown on your own and there wasn't an ounce of jealousy or any of that stuff because that's pretty hard for me to get jealous with friends. I get stoked because I'm like, they did the thing that they set out to do.

You can't be... You did it. Yeah, you did it and you did it right. And you continue to do it. But anyway, I was so happy to watch you

kind of cruise on your own. But now, you know, you don't just play that market. Now you're here to bring me down. Like, I'm here

to build you up. A couple. You're too hot. Now we're getting... There was often times I had to pull you aside and say, can I talk to you

For a second That was always our thing John would snap He would say something funny I go can I talk to you For a second Hey real quick Let me talk to you

For a second You got a little snap It's a little snappy Over there Like I got your back I got your back Let me talk to you For a second

Yeah we did that a lot That was always my bad way But honestly I watched you ascend And I want to take the time On the show To just say that I'm very proud

And proud seems like It has ownership I never liked the show to just say that I'm very proud and proud seems like it has ownership I never liked the word it's like oh I'm proud of you like it's not condescending like yeah but I mean it

in like a love like I'm happy for you the pride is like that makes me emotional I'm happy for your success well cause I mean it dude you know well you said

I think you said that to me at the comedy store but I knew you were like it's I knew get Comedy Store, but I knew you were like, it's, I knew that you cared. I knew because of what happened on the pilot. Yes.

I knew. So I go, you know, sometimes people give you advice, you're like, oh, well, he's a manager, he's trying to, or he's a booker, or he's a, they're trying to, I go, this guy's on the home team. Yeah. I know he is. Yeah. Because he stood up for me when I was, and I was in a spot where I was, this is my first

time like on TV and I was like, this is unbelievable. All these actors, like I was, you know, there's, there's first time there was like catering and like people were like, it was like, this is incredible. You had a trailer. Yeah. Yeah. And we, and you, and I was like, man, I'm real uncomfortable about this, but I go, but I know there's another comic.

And that's the thing about comics. Like, the guy that does the puppets. Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, yeah, that guy. Or what's that guy's name? No, Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham will never trash on Bill Burr, because they're both up there.

Right, in their own respective places. Yes, they're both up at different, but they're both up there right in their own respective places they're both up a different but they're both doing it sure and they're go i know how hard it is to do it and i'm not gonna and that's what come i don't know why like a lot of comics are like beefing with each other i'm like is this not impossible it's impossible already possible right it's impossible career is impossible right i've said that It's like a suicide mission. Yeah. So why try to take down one of the other suicide bombers? And you can't, yeah. We'll kill ourselves on our own.

I don't need you to kill me before I tear my own bomb. But it's true. It's just like, I'm going to go kill myself. I don't need you to kill me. Don't kill me. If it's, we're all night. It's literally, we should all wake up in the morning and we're like, dude, do you have another job? Like, no, I'm just doing comedy.

You're like, standing ovation. Yeah. Every day. I can't believe it. Yeah. No, it's true. You can't do the Tonight Show every night. Some other comic has to do it the other night.

Right. You can't fill the palladium. There's 364 other days. Yeah. There has to be. Yeah. If somebody else gets the Tonight Show or whatever, gets the TV show or gets the, you'd be like, awesome. There's 364 other days. Yeah. There has to be. Yeah. If somebody else gets the Tonight Show or whatever, gets the TV show or gets the, you'd be like.

Awesome. Who cares? It's hard. Yeah. It's really hard. Just work on your own shit. I wish everybody was just like, man, it's impossible. Yeah. And if you're not getting stuff or you're not having an opportunity, you're like, man, I'm having a hard time.

That's okay. Yes. That happens a lot. And yes, and there's ups and downs. I've seen ups and downs in your career. Yeah. And ups and downs in mine. Yeah, you have to.

It's impossible. It's impossible to not be competitive because we are very competitive people. That's what got you into wanting to make people laugh. Right. But use the competitiveness not against others and just try to fuel your own fire. I think if more people spent time on their own baking, they wouldn't worry about what other food tastes like. Or it's like I look at the other guys that are in the video kind of sphere of mine. Who are the other guys?

I would say like Trevor Wallace. Yeah, he is. Drake Kennedy. Yep. The guys that are in my sphere. Charlie Barron's another guy. I don't know. Andrew Schultz.

Not so much in the sketch video, but guys that are doing their own kind of thing. Sure. Yeah. And I look at those guys as worthy adversaries. Not, if he's, oh, I'm going to... You watch the other guys. You watch other people's... You're not like, ugh, this guy got the award for...

I'm going to... You're like, I need to level up no we did get it's good healthy competition yeah yeah it's like like I'm not gonna compare myself to Michael George I was just about to go ahead no I'm not gonna go ahead I know your balls go greatest basketball player of all time it's kind of like you're kind of like Michael Jordan of your space I saw you looking at me and you're like no say go ahead go ahead and say Michael Jordan that you think you're like no say go ahead go ahead and say michael jordan that you think you're like michael jordan of your space you know he was like i don't have any competitors what was what the phrase he always used on that he always said uh

and that struck a nerve or what is he yeah he always said the same thing every time it was like and i took it personally that's what it was i took that personal you know and i took that personal i was like dude he took everything personal he was. I mean, that was to a fault. But it came out that, like, some of the stuff wasn't true. The, like, the headline stuff. Who knows? There was no, internet didn't exist. Yeah.

Who knew what was true? Those guys got away with anything. They could say whatever they want. The flu game? He had the Irish flu. He was drinking the night before. He wasn't sick from the flu, like, the communal flu. Not influenza.

No. Not the flu. He was knocking back Booze all night Hanging out And then he was like I feel sick today And the Irish flu You know what else

Is like It didn't It's not gonna Come out No Can't Doesn't exist It doesn't exist

Didn't exist Like we're like Oh it might come out one day Nah Didn't exist Nah he was No he was a party animal That guy

Speaking of which We usually have a sip of sap On this show But we're not having any today You can drink you're sober a sip of sap a sip of sap yeah this is this is this is some sap no but i don't i'm not gonna have any right now out of respect but you're how many months sober it's coming up on 18 wow congratulations man man 18 months yeah now do you get the chips uh i yeah all right so i went to well we'll get into this probably just think about i went to rehab and then you get like a week chip and then you get

like a month chip and then you get a three month chip and this and i about six months i was like i think i'm all right a lot of chips i'll take it from here yeah yeah i think i'll take it from here so you're not you're not going to a anymore well that uh no i still still go. Yeah, but you're saying you just don't do the chip game. Well, I'm not like every morning at like 10 a.m. Like in rehab, I probably went to 80 every day. No, 80 consecutive days. 80 days in a row? Mm-hmm, because we had to.

What? Probably more than 80 days, probably whatever four months is. Wow. We go to a meeting every day. 30, 60, 90, 120 meetings. Yeah, don't do math in front of me, man. No, sorry. It's like the Michael Jordan thing, and now this.

You're really straight in our relationship. I came in here to... My favorite athlete, and then you're doing math, and you know I don't like math. No, so 120 days. Yeah. And then... Well, at the beginning,

they had to physically take it from you. But with, like, any addiction, then after a while, you're like, I'm good. Right. That's anything. Yeah. Except heroin, I think.

That's the one that you're like, I... I'm not familiar. 15, I mean, either. But, like, 20 years later, it'd be like, it's still day to day. Sure. I've heard that.

Yeah, you think You think that You had a lot Well yeah Now I'm not like Well it depends on What you need Like you were having Drinks every day

Dude you know Probably one of the darkest times Which by the way Doesn't necessarily mean That you're an alcoholic Some alcoholics have drinks Every four days You know that bit about

The doctor asking you How many drinks Yeah Yeah That's a great bit Yeah It's true You're like what As many drinks you have? Yeah. That's a great bit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's true.

Yeah. You're like, what? As many as I can have. Yeah, I did it on Conan. I think I did it on Conan. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what? Yeah, because it always said, that bit always said.

How many drinks per week? It was like zero to one. It was like, what? How could you even have one? What psychopath stopped at one? I feel more concerned for the guy that has one. Hey, do you want to go to like a 5 o'clock, do you want to go to like a Dodgers game,

have a beer, and then don't? Sit? No. Scary. I want to get hammered. That guy's an ax murderer. 100%. You're like, dude, I'll just get like a Coke and like a hot dog.

That makes more sense. Yeah, you just have nachos and a Diet Coke. And I go, that guy's a normal guy. Yeah, I had a fun night. But the guy that gets one singular beer at a four and a half hour baseball game. Can't be trusted. Scary guy. Can't be trusted.

Lock him up. 12 ounces. Yeah, that's so scary to me. Sitting in the thing. It's hot after 30 minutes. That's how I disseminate what I'm going to do as far as when I have drinks. I don't drink beer as much anymore. So when I go to a baseball game, I probably don't. I don't usually have drinks. Because, you know, I don't drink beer as much anymore. Yeah. So when I go to a baseball game, I probably don't, I don't usually have beers.

Like, they usually have a bar there now. You gotta get a bar. Yeah, so I'm at the bar. But even still, sometimes I think, well, I'm in the sun. I'm gonna get tired. And if you have to do other stuff. Yeah. Like, at least get an Uber or, like, if you're at your house, you've had a long day,

you're going to be ending the night at your house. Yeah, I'll have a couple of these. Sure. If you've got to do some stuff... Stuff to do? Or see some... Usually shows. Usually I'll go to a Dodger game

and they have shows and I'm like... Not drinking. I'm never going to make it to the show. I'll be exhausted by the time I get there. Or you're just like, call him and say, I'll come tomorrow. Then I got a problem.

Yeah, then you got a problem. So when you scratched off that surface of, I got a problem. Yeah, then you got a problem. So when you scratched off that surface of, I got a problem, I got to get rid of it. Yeah, well, I think it was causing other problems. Sure. The alcohol was, I mean, I remember the one time I was in Wichita Falls, Texas at a show. Not a real place.

You're making this up. These are the kind of places I tour. Wichita Falls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sold out Wichita Falls. That's huge, though. Who cares? People are there. These are the kind of places I tour. Wichita Falls, baby. I'm sold out Wichita Falls. That's huge, though. Who cares? People are there. People are people. And so, I remember we were drinking a bunch. This was like right

end of 2019. Who's we? The people you tour with? I think it was by myself. Oh. We is you? Well, this is, I guess... You're just looking around and you're like, we're drinking a lot. Alright, so when the tour ends, we tour by bus that's not a flex but it's necessary for the for the sure yeah so because how else can you get to wichita

falls yeah texas no no planes go there so when the tour ends on sunday night and it's a long way away from home i would stay and then fly versus take the bus sure the bus is not making it till monday night you're right so i like if i'm going from standing ovations, meet and greets, photos, and then closing that hotel room door alone by myself at an airport Hampton Inn in Wichita Falls is unbearable. Unbearable. It's either a gun or a bottle. Unbearable.

Yeah. And I think a lot of people would connect to that. Yeah. In some kind of... No matter what their life is. Yeah. This is a non... So you would just get tanked out.

Well, I remember drinking in the bus before they dropped me off, and I remember putting four white claws into my backpack. Because you never know where the night's going to take you. No, if you can get alcohol in Wichita Falls, like at the hotel front desk. Sure. So then I remember the next morning

I had to get up at like 6, 4, or something like that to get to the airport. And I remember getting to Dallas on the layover. This was probably 9 in the morning. And then I had two doubles. 9 a.m.?

Yeah. You don't need it. Yeah. It's a problem. That's the first time the morning, do you ever do that? The morning drinking? That you didn't want to come down. My guy. That's it. Yeah. It's a problem. That's the first time the morning... Do you ever do that? The morning drinking? That you didn't want to come down.

My guy. That's it. Nah. That's it. Someone's like, hair of the dog. I'm like, what does that even... I thought it was going to be like... First of all, what does that even mean?

Dogs all have hair. It's funny that I thought this was going to be comics. It's going to be like, nah, dude, you're good. And you're like, yeah, nah, that might have been... That is bad. Dude, whenever I see... Nah, dude. Whenever I'm traveling... This is a whiskey ginger podcast. You guys too much, dude. Nah, I got have been. That is bad. You're like, no, dude. Whenever I'm traveling.

This is a whiskey ginger podcast. You guys too much, dude. No, I got to keep you where you are. I keep you sober in this house. No, you know what? Whenever I see somebody, whenever I'm traveling to LAX and I see someone at that bar when it's like 8 a.m., I feel bad. I feel, because here's the difference. If I see a couple of dudes there, they look like they're going to a bachelor party.

Sure. Fine. I know you're doing the thing. Sure. dudes there, they look like they're going to a bachelor party. Sure. Fine. I know you're doing the thing. Sure. But I usually, usually, I see a guy and or a woman alone, sitting, reading a

book or on the computer, and she's drinking wine. And it's 8 a.m. and he's got a drink and I'm like, my dude, there's no way you need it. That's bad. You don't, but you do. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they probably do. Yeah, they 100%. But that puts me in check. To me, I always see that and I go, that's sad.

And some people would say, oh, why are you judging, Santino? I am because I think it's too early to get liquored up before you start your day. And everybody, you know, if you're at somewhere with somebody and it's like 10 a.m. It's always like, too early to, like, they know. It's too early. But they need you to be like, nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're like, all right, cool, cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing it. Special occasions are fine. And look, by the way, yeah, yeah. So then they're like, all right, cool, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing it. Special occasions are fine. And look, by the way, do whatever you want to do. I shouldn't judge. If you want to go have a drink in the morning, have a drink in the morning. I always feel bad at airports because we live in airports. Yeah, yeah.

So it depresses me. When I see it, I go, ah, that's a fix. Yeah, that's a, yeah. Well, don't you feel, I feel like a greater sense of empathy towards people that have, like, a personal thing or an addiction or maybe an anger issue. Yeah, it makes me feel bad. That railroads what they, as a child, what they wanted to do. Sure. And that takes you, and it's a bummer for me.

I've never, like, with everything I've gone through, I've never, like, I always feel like I'm siding with the celebrity or public figure. Do you? Yeah, I mean, it depends on the situation. Yeah, true. But you go, I go, like Justin Bieber was walking out of the thing and get this guy's cell phone and slammed it on the ground.

I go, you don't understand what that dude is. Leave that guy alone. Every day. Every day. But Mel Gibson, I was like, didn't he like, I don't know, man. No, yeah, no, no, no.

I'm saying when they came out that he called the cop sugar tits and was like, are you a Jew? He was like, Mel, what's going on, bud? What are you doing? Are you good? What are you doing, Mel, bud? Come on. Now Hollywood's like, who cares? Let him make films.

Let him back. No, but I do know what you mean. Situationally, I do see and I go, no one's hearing the other side of that story Yeah, you're not you hear what you hear what's printed or you see there's those bold words that they throw down I saw in the show the other night a woman got kicked out She was hammered yelling stuff out and everybody was annoyed. You've seen this happened a million times Yeah shows and I go I go and it was like oh I go hey. No, we're not doing this We're not doing nah nah, nah, nah, nah.

This is a sad, this is a person that came to have fun. Yeah. And then did too much. Did too much fun. She's going to wake up in the morning and be bummed. Yeah. I think. I don't know.

She'll never, she won't remember it. She's like, last night was awesome. We got kicked. We got kicked out. They kicked us out for laughing too hard. They always say that. Sorry I wanted to be a part of the show.

But I used to kick people out at shows all the time if they got too rowdy. But I'm down to have fun. But when people get too fucked up at shows, it's never good for anybody because the people

around you are bummed. They got to listen to you yell. And somebody's security has to come and be like, hey, can you... And that poor guy doesn't want to do that. The security guard is like, hey man, I'm 6'5",

and everybody can see me talking to you. I'm trying to bend over a little. Yeah, but I'm a large man. Please don't make me do this in front of... Let's not. But that being said, yeah. But you didn't know when you were that... I probably didn't know I was doing too much.

You didn't know. Until you knew. Have you ever like, you'd be like, oh, they're like, hey dude, that was too much.

Partying? Just like being the guy that was too much. I mean, I've partied way too much. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've had moments that have slowed me down

from drinking because I love it. But I also know, I know when the times that i've gone over the edge that i'm like what were you doing and then i feel really bad about it and then i curb that away for a while and then it happens yeah it happens once in a while that you just are like we drank too much we got too rowdy we were being rude or disrespectful for other people's time and space but i'll make the mistake but addiction the definition of addiction

is repeated attempts to quit despite mounting consequences. That's the definition. Yeah. So if that's it. Yeah. Sign me up for that. Because that's what happens. If that's what the definition of it is, you're like, hey, you do it, I should not do this.

Right. You know, I hear people all the time. I just did. So I just did that. That's what you're saying. Yeah. I did it over and over. Well, somebody says, all right, I'm not drinking for a month.

Right. All right. No more. That, like, it's too strong. Yeah. It's too, like, I'm going drinking for a month alright no more that like it's too strong like I'm gonna quit on sugar it's too strong it's real good

that's why everyone's like just get like don't eat Oreos just eat like a strawberry I go that's so disrespectful to the brain that they're like still sugar you'll be back you'll be back or You'll be back. You'll be back.

Or to whatever your thing is. Whatever your thing is. Everybody says a different thing. You're like, all right. Well, look, I think alcohol is one of those things that you have to have some semblance of control if you do want to enjoy it.

Yeah. And look, without a doubt, sometimes you are going to have too much and have too much fun. Yeah. But as long as it's not really interfering with other parts of your life and putting them to a detriment, then it's okay. You just got to moderate it. In here, we pour whiskey.

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Use that offer code WHISKEYGINGER20. Get 20% off plus free shipping right to your door. Ginger. I like gingers. Which what you were talking about before, I don't know if it was on the podcast or before like like you know it never really connected with me like like money yeah in terms of like wanting it or trying to flex with it flexing with it is more i want money i enjoy it but it's also like the flex with money was always so strange that we know guys that they make a lot of money and they want to show you how much money they have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, well, what's that about? I don't even— But he's doing the same thing that I'm doing posting videos. Yeah. Isn't he? Yeah, you're getting a fix. Yeah.

Yeah, getting a—somehow. You're getting some kind of kickback from it. Yeah. Like you're addicted now to making online content. You are. You replaced this with that. I do, yeah. Well, they would say work. Work at that, but that's healthy I guess.

Yeah. Unless it starts to break you down. Well, same thing. Repeated attempts to quit despite mounting consequences. So, it's not, there's no consequences. In fact, there's the opposite. Right. Which is why you gotta kinda... Level it out. Check it a little bit.

Yeah. Cause you like get rewarded financially in every type of way you were going up and you were like well how could i be doing anything wrong i'm going up right but then you're if you're still going up you're like i guess i just now all the time i spent drinking is now what are you filling it with work yeah yeah i'll be honest with you i wish i could tell you that like something, something more spiritual. But you were already kind of spiritual to begin with, no? Yeah.

No, very. Yeah, very. But you can't fill that cup up even more, I guess. I mean, unless you get into the evangelical stuff, and then I get nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you start going to stadiums with other people. Oh, yeah, with other, like, pastors? I get freaked out about all that stuff. That scares me.

What do you know about that world? It just freaks me out. How do you know about it? Just because That scares me. What do you know about that world? It just freaks me out. How do you know about it? Just because you hear about it through, you know, or you hear about one of these guys, these pastors, that got caught for embezzling money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all get caught for doing something.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I think that's the devil part of that whole spiritual world where you're like, you're actually the devil. You think you're preaching the good word. You're the most, now I don't know anyone, I'm not here to judge anyone's heart or anyone.

Sure. If someone's legit or not. Sure, sure. I'm not the guy for that. But also, it's scary. I think that stuff is where it gets me in the place where I'm like,

they are taking a lot of money from a lot of people and I don't know how... I don't know how genuine all that is. It's tricky. Is that God? God's money?

It's tricky. God's money. All right, yeah. God can be money. Yeah, and if it's good and if but if you get or you're being rewarded it's growing yeah people are coming you gotta be like yeah but look 10 000 people just came to the it has to be good yeah but that yeah exactly like you said it didn't necessarily mean it's a positive thing just because you were getting rewarded for

yeah yeah by the way i keep thinking in my head about me talking shit about the people at the airport at 8 a.m., and I know how many of my fans are being like, I do that every time I fly. Yeah, fair, fair. Sorry, guys. There's a bunch of fans that are like, hey, man, I like morning booze before I fly. But you know who's not mad at this?

But I live in an airport, by the way. They don't live like we live, and we see these people every week, and it breaks your heart. That's all. Because I see it, and I go, this isn't fun. She doesn't even look like she's having fun yeah it's a thing you need and you know who's mad at that people that have a problem uh if they don't have a problem they think that's funny oh yeah that's the truth about comedy yeah the only people that are ever mad

offended are at truth it of course. Like people say, I can't tell me how many times daily that people say that I'm gay on the internet. Are you? No. You could be gay on the internet. Oh yeah, good point. I think I am.

I've done some feminine characters. I think I'm gay on the internet. I could be. But that doesn't, I'm not like, guys, listen, let me set the record straight. Because it doesn't.

I play you right into it. I go, yeah, I am. Why do you think I have all these guys on this show? But it doesn't. It doesn't affect you. No, if it's not true. But if someone knows that they might have a problem in that truth. It hits them hard.

It's tough. Yeah. That's it. But not every guy that gets overly defensive about being gay is gay. Maybe they just don't like it. And they're homophobic. Nah, maybe. That's the other side.

Listen up. You don't call me that. I don't like those guys. Not us. I wouldn't. No, but it is true. Also, the internet's going to say whatever it's going to say about you. They'll pick apart every little thing about you.

One hair on your head. They'll go, the one way he shapes his hair up, I don't like the one left side. It's already gonna happen in this podcast, however long it goes. Please comment about his hair. You've always had such ridiculously up hair. Should I put it back here? Just so I could, just so people can see it's still going up? Show it off. Yeah. I got nice hair. I always wish you would go bald, but just up here, just crown. I wish you'd still had all the hot hair on the front, but a huge crown in the back.

And just shave it. Put the back over. Put the back over. Yeah. That's what I'm still hoping for you. I hope you collapse down that hill. How old are you now? 37.

I never knew we were the same age. Same age. Isn't that funny? I never felt that. Well, because you were way ahead of me career-wise. No, no, I wasn't. No, no, no, but you were doing stuff on TV. I was spinning a lot of plates.

I know who you were. Mm-hmm. I know who you were at the time. But I was just spinning a lot of plates. Maybe, yeah. So wait, let me go back. It didn't make you more spiritual. No, no, 100%.

It may be. I'm way more of a Christian now than I was before. Oh, you are? Way more. I thought you said you weren't. No, I said I wish I had a more spiritual answer for what I'm doing with my... Who cares? It turns out I might have just needed to get on antidepressants and be sober.

Are you on antidepressants? Yeah. What are you on? Lexapro. Is that one good? Yeah, it is for me. Yeah. I got on the smallest dose of it.

What's the smallest dose? Milligram? Ten or something like that. Ten milligrams? But, you know, a lot of... I say that because in, like, Christian circles, they'll be like, well, did God help you to survive? Get on Lexapro?

Or no, or like sobriety. You're like, well, you seem to be doing better. You're like, yeah, I think I just needed to stop drinking and get on some antidepressants because I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. It wasn't because I didn't pray. Right. Or because you didn't want to be. Did you ever get drunk and pray?

No, I don't think so. You never got lit up and prayed? No, did you? I think that's the only time I do pray. God's listening to you. Please let me make it home. Let me just get this car home. Yeah.

But if you say like God, like what if somebody was going to church for 20 years to try to control their eating and lose weight? Yeah. Could never get it at church. And then they found Jenny Craig or Tony Robbins or Oprah, and they lost the weight. What is to be, what is a Christian to say about that? It worked. One thing leads to another, doesn't it?

Yeah, and I would say God, like,'s not Christian, but like God definitely used that. But AA does have a lot of spiritual basis, right? Don't they say submit to a higher power? Yeah, that helped you. I'm the kid of an addict, so I know all about it. It helped you, yeah. Sure, I mean, that's like saying, you know, what's instrumental in,

everything is instrumental in everything that you do. So like something does is always going to lead to another thing. Now, did you take up cigarettes and coffee like every other addict I know? No, coffee. Because you go to this. You didn't drink coffee before. No. You never seemed like you did either.

You looked too nice to drink coffee. Now, it's, I mean. How much do you have? No, I just get, like, I drink Red Bull. But, I mean, like, the coffee is. You go to those meetings. And you have to. You don't have a choice.

You have to. Well, because you have to stay awake to listen to everything. And that wasn't even. Those aren't. It's not even good. It's the worst kind of coffee. That's actually my god into that coffee Yeah, burn coffee with like like powder creamer Bring it on tough. Really you clean out your insides If you're having a tough time if you're ever constipated go to one a meeting drink that coffee You'll be flooded good good to go right? Yeah But it's...

But no cigarettes. No, I can't get it. Well, I was talking about, because I was talking about money, I need to get a vice, because I don't have any. I was thinking maybe gambling. Is that a good one? Yeah, that's a great one. And I think in AA they would applaud the idea of you transferring from liquor to... Yeah. To that.

Good for you. Well, I still, I'll tell you, I still have trouble with the attention from women. I still. What do you mean? That holds me pretty hard. That you pine for a lot of attention from women? Or like just, yeah, like that's, alcohol was kind of easy for me to give up. There's a guy in rehab that was like addicted to cocaine.

And he was like, and he, sadly enough, I guess I say he's since relapsed and has passed away. But it held him so heavy. Yeah. And he was like in there four months and still like, ah. And alcohol never really held me like that. It just helped you access a different part of you. Yeah, and it kind of like three weeks in, I was like, yeah, I think I'm good without that. You know what I'm saying?

It didn't, but like the attention from women and like going down those roads has that's been in my life since i was 10 dude yeah but everybody loves you're an entertainer you love attention that's part of your vices being like i want people to validate me yeah i need it yeah you want people to go you're great this is great you did great i love you on this like that's that's and so you look you're like yeah i want it yeah badly well you want it to a scale because you want... Although, if you didn't want it, you wouldn't... We wouldn't be here.

Not necessarily women, but, like, the attention or the validation or the something. Of fans. Yeah. Yeah, we all want validation of our fans. So if it's, like, if it's gone to the part of now hindering you...

Right. Do you ever, like, make a piece of content? Like, sometimes I'm like, I think I'm just making it... For the clicks? I need the like my dms to like light up i think i'm sometimes i'm just making this is a piece of content that i believe in that i like from my heart and i would like to put out and sometimes i'm like yeah i feel like i might be just like doing a thing here and i mean honestly i i don't i i don't like doing any of this stuff so I'm barely getting through any of this shit you're like any of it

no I just for me it's like this was always a way for the podcast world because we're two different worlds truly the podcast world for me was always a way to connect with my fans and I got excited the fact that it's like I have a direct line to tell them how I feel and how I think and how my friends feel and think and this to me is like

well now they're sitting in the room with us. And I love that because there was no more filter. My agents just literally were just calling me while we're here. And like, no disrespect, but like, they're always another filter that's going to sift through something to clean something up. If you had a pilot, you send it to them. They have to. They have to do something.

They have a job. Otherwise, they can't just say, send it through. Right. Otherwise, they get fired. If you say, hey, can you listen to our podcast and tell us what the problematic parts were? They would. Of course. Yeah.

They would. Yeah. They sift through it, make notes. So to me, it's like this was the reason I did this was because I wanted to connect with fans and go, I don't have to go to the other channel. Look, I do do TV. Yeah. And that's tough because people have no idea how restrictive that is.

Yeah, it's unbelievable. You can't do most things. And you're on FX, so you can do more things. You can, but you can't do exactly what you want all the time. You have to adhere to a television show. Do you write that character? No. I mean, I improv a lot of stuff on the show.

But now they're writing it with you in mind. I can tell. Yeah, they do. They do a good job. Yeah, I like that. There's some great writers on that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, yeah, I still tell. Yeah, they do. They do a good job. Yeah, I like them. There's some great writers on that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, yeah,

I still do. That's pretty close. Doing the Bad Friends and this and Dave is pretty close versus like from where you were on like Punk'd

and Mixology and all that. Oh, yeah. It's like, this is, when I see Dayog up, that's Andrew Santino's role. That's his.

Yeah. Don't, that's his. We definitely carved it out for sure. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You're, like it's not 100%,

I do whatever I want whenever I want. Kanye West sleeping in the Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Love that. Yeah. With pantyhose on his head. Freaking awesome. Love that, dude. Whatever you want, dude.

I love him, dude. Make everyone just listen to you for an hour and a half. Say nothing. Did you see how the stadium was just white? Yeah, I love it. Unbelievable. I like bold requests. Respect.

Yeah. Respect. Because I'm never that guy, so when I see someone do it I go Awesome dude It's crazy So if we're not If I'm not 100% I do whatever I want

On my terms Release a Taylor Swift comes on Instagram For three weeks Releases an album Disappears We're like She's doing whatever she wants

Yeah That's powerful Yes Yeah We have to kind of We have to keep doing it A little bit Yeah

I have to put this out Less than other people But we have to keep doing it Yeah well But that's I have to put this out. Less than other people, but we have to keep doing it. But that's the other thing. I enjoy it. I do too. I love it. I enjoy making the thing because it's a way to exercise these comedic firings in your head.

That you're like, well, I want to get something out. And if you had a billion dollars, you'd still go down to the Laugh Factory. No. Yes, you would. Not there. I'm kidding. I would still do shows. What do you want to do tonight?

I would probably go down to the store. I would probably still go to the clubs and do sets. That's the tricky thing about our job. We would do it for free. We did for years. That's why we can't do that anymore we can't do it because at some point you're like oh man i made 80 bucks this whole month yeah and then you're like i can't pay for my life so that i think that all that sacrifice is why you're now you're receiving a lot of praise and happy to i mean do you selling out theaters

now right yeah yeah yeah i remember you when you first called me when I was doing that. I saw when you first started doing theaters. I was impressed. And you said, like, you called me. You were, like, nervous that you were doing a run of theaters. And I was somehow before you in that. Oh, yeah. Not before you, but...

No, you had gotten theaters early because your circuits, you were selling out. They were like, yeah. Like, you were selling out, like, lunchrooms. Yeah. Filled with people, right? Yeah, I was selling out, like, everywhere. Like, what was the typical venue when you were first on those tours before theaters? I mean, the first tours were, like, 2,500-seat churches. Churches. Packed.

God bless. Did you pass around a collection plate? No. You should. You know how fun it'd be for me to go on tour for you as an ex-communicated Irish Catholic kid? No, they still love you, dude. Well, all right, here's the thing. No, they don't.

At a church, I was still doing ticketed events. How much were tickets at a church? I don't know, $20, $30. But, you know, it's just renting, like you're renting a gym. But do you have to pay the church? No, that's the thing. I mean, kind of, a little bit. What do you mean? Do you have to pay your tidings or whatever it's the thing. I mean, kind of. A little bit. What do you mean?

Do you have to pay your tidings or whatever it is? Tidings. Tidings is Christmas. It's the same thing to me. Tidings. No, it's way different. I couldn't care less. Okay, were you thinking the church is using the tithe money to pay me to come?

That was never happening. No, no, no. People were paying tickets. You were getting the ticket money, but you didn't have to rent the space. I mean, you had to pay a little bit to pay the janitor. But that's incredible. It's not like going to the Wiltern. What a cut corner. But you didn't have to rent the space. I mean, you had to pay a little bit to pay the janitor. But that's incredible. It's not like going to the Wiltern. What a cut corner.

But you know why they liked it? Huh? You know the answer to that. Because you're spreading the word of God? No, because everybody from Wichita Falls, Texas... Goes to their church. And then they think, oh, come Easter, come Christmas. I'll go back to this church.

We had fun there. So you were doing promo for the church? Kind of. Yeah, you were. I guess. Yeah, because they would come. And you know what's funny is before I was like, you know, promo for the church kind of yeah you were i guess yeah because they would come and and you know what's funny is what before i was like you know there was a church they were like we can't afford and my agent was goes let's just get three churches in wichita falls to come together and bring you in i go they're not they wouldn't do that why would a church not do that

church competition dude you're gonna send where's where's it gonna be yeah where is the event gonna be pick a church and then you were gonna send all our members to the competitor for fun for the fun night and they go in there all these seats are nice in here yeah this place is great they got the screens in here this is better than first baptist this is nice this is better than first baptist and then my agent or whoever they'll be like why wouldn't they do that i go you don't understand. They would never do that. Yeah, the competitor club.

Never do that. The improv's not going to send people to helium. They'll be like, go over there, but then come back here at some point. It doesn't make any sense.

Tell me this though. Tell me this. I'm so curious to the world of these tours. Mainly because also like, I think there's a miscommunication of like,

you do, like you're a religious comic that's not the truth you do comedy that would be comedy anywhere yeah you just happen to have a fan base that that has a christian base yeah right yeah and i and i i remember this i think you know uh burt it was you and pressure yeah yeah that when i was i was kind of like a uh like a middle act in denver and then people were coming i I remember Bert coming through and you coming through. Yeah. And I go,

and Bert was like, so you're not like, so you're like clean? I go, so you do like Christian? He goes, he said the same thing you did. He goes,

it's freaking awesome, dude. Yeah. He goes, I love, I don't know what it is, but freaking awesome. It's not, it's not.

He goes, do, I want to hear it. He goes, do all your Christian, you want me to do them all? He goes, do them all,

I want to hear them in front of him. Yeah. He goes, this is unbelievable. And I go, oh yeah me to do them all? He goes, do them all. I want to hear them in front of him. Yeah. He goes, this is unbelievable. And I go, oh, yeah, because I was down at the Comedy Magic Club. I don't remember who it was. Hermosa, yeah.

Somebody, this is when I was trying to get into the store around those times when we had this conversation. Sure. And there's somebody before me. I think it was a female comic. I don't remember who it was. But she was doing a joke about Moses and the burning bush. I don't know who that is. I can't remember who it is either.

And I was kind of told, like, hey, get rid of the Christian stuff. Don't be kind of who you. Who said that to you? Just. You, maybe? Maybe. Yeah. And maybe I think my agent at the time was like, hey, we can't have you, like, saying.

And I go, I confronted that girl after. I go, what was that bit? She goes, Moses and the burning bush. I go, yeah, but these people aren't, she goes, everybody knows about, and if they don't know it, they got it. Yeah, they'll figure it out. I go, like, my nephew's named Ezekiel, named after

a strong, masculine Bible character, but it's confusing because he is a very weak kid, he has a peanut allergy. But everybody's like, if you don't know Ezekiel, you get it. You already explained it. Yeah, you got it! You got it! Yeah. So then I was like, oh, I got a thing that no one else is...

Doing. I should just go all in to this. Yeah. And then everybody's like, this is unbelievable. And you did. But it's not a Christianity from... Every comic, if you go to the store, will mention Jesus. Or some semblance of being atheist or

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Everybody knows what about Christianity. They meet on Sunday. They're kind of judgmental. A lot. There's disciples. Noah's Ark. David and Goliath. Yeah, they know the big ones. Yeah, I was like, I'll just kind of,

and if I veer off track I'll explain it a little Right And everybody's like That works Go to the theaters But when you did it When you were doing it

In the churches Yeah Did you ever push the limits Of what you should be saying All the time And did you ever get flack for it No because I was like I was like one of them

Cause I'm from the inside Like you do Oh right right But you still You still You weren't cussing But you would still push the volume yeah i was like i was like edgy for like a christian they're like like in the mainstream if you go down to like like you're pro judas they're like well done that's a christian joke there it is yeah see you got it that's like when

people are pro trump comics you pro trump that you're like oh he's doing a yeah that's a pro trump is pro judas oh yeah it's like he's doing this is his pro-judice like i love him dude it crushes yeah he's yeah we're so like if you go if i go to the laugh factory tonight i'm like the cleanest most wholesome most family-friendly comedian but in church i'm like a what's he gonna say like edgy you're a bad boy yeah yeah who's your competition in that world uh does somebody come up a little bit not Not that I know of. There's nobody. No.

No one's even behind you trying to ride that wake. No. It's pretty scary. Well, I'm not trying. I might move in. You come in, dude. Yeah. I might.

Let me see if I can formulate some stuff right now. What's up with the last supper? Can we call it dinner? Yeah. There's a joke on Twitter about that. They're like,

why is it? Somebody goes, hey, you ready for the last supper? He goes, what? How do they know it was the last? How did know is that yeah oh that's good it's funny why do they sit on the side of the table that was always a big question that's that thing on twitter he goes hey can i get reservations for 26 you're like you only got 13 yeah but we're sitting on the same side oh my god this is all christian that's not my joke but that's this is all

christian twitter that's killer dude that's funny. But what's like the most edgy version? You don't have to tell the joke. I'll tell the joke. You don't have to, but go ahead. Like I would say like... Two gay guys walk into a church. I do a joke about how my sister is trying to get a nose job. And she's trying to get a nose job.

My mom won't let her because it's not in the Bible. Like there's no Bible verse to justify a nose job. Uh-huh. I go, Mom, you can find a Bible verse to justify any surgery. And my mom goes,

she's like, all right, I'll quiz you. And she goes, triple bypass. I go, he can, uh,

triple bypass, creating me a clean heart. That's a Bible verse. Okay. Everybody's like, and I go, cataracts. I go,

those who have eyes, let them see. And then she tried to stump me. She goes, boob job. I go, he can move mountains. Stupid, dude. No, it's good. Yeah, it's like a joke. I got those who have eyes let them see. And then she tried to stump me. She goes, boob job. I go, he can move mountains. Stupid, dude.

No, it's good. Yeah, it's like a joke. I feel it. It's a joke. I feel it. It's like, that's a real verse. And he can move mountains.

Through his power, he can move mountains. But that's, God invented boob jobs, didn't he? Yeah, dude. There's no way he didn't. I think he,

boob jobs? Boob jobs. I think that was man made. Pretty sure. Who made man? See you later, bud. Why don't you come back when you figure it out? Let me ask some real ones.

Why they put Jesus white in church. The dude wasn't white. Why did they make him white in all these churches? That was always a thing. I got kicked out of Catholic school. For asking that? Just for being a bad kid. Mostly for being a bad kid. I was yeah, yeah. Mostly for being a bad kid.

I was a bad kid, but I always was, I questioned everything. But that's what a... That's why I always liked Judaism. I was like, the Jews get it, right? They question the whole thing. They're like... The Catholics were like, don't you dare. I think it was...

I was like, why do I gotta be in a box telling some guy my secrets? Yeah, let me, like, I think it was Pete Holmes that said, a comedian is always the guy sitting in the back going, nah. Nah. To anything. To everything. It's true. Everything.

So that's why Catholic school is so hard for me. You sit in the back of like a real estate presentation, a church, an AA meeting, and you go, nope. Nah. Everybody. Doubt it. Nah. And that's it. You know that emoji, like the, you know that one?

Suspect. When somebody says about the vaccine or about politicians or about news, you just go, no, if the world goes, hmm, that's where comedy lives. That's the root of it. You still didn't answer, why do they paint them white in church? I have no idea. That's what you came to ask me? Yeah.

Well. They always make them white. In white churches. Is he black in black churches? Yeah, of course he is. You've never seen black Jesus? No. We've got to get you into some black church.

I know, right? Yeah. Black Jesus. That's cool. Well, this is what I always question about. You know how they advertise heaven as like streets of gold, mansions, palaces? Do they? Yeah. I always thought it was clouds. The gates. The pearly gates. Pearly gates, yeah. Streets of gold, mansions, palaces. Do they? Yeah.

I always thought it was clouds. The gates, the pearly gates. Pearly gates, yeah. Streets of gold. Right. You're going to live in a mansion. These are very material things. Yeah, it seems weird.

Why? I thought... I thought that had nothing to do with... I thought that's what... But I always thought that. Do you believe in the afterlife? I do, yes. But do you think it's a place?

Yes. You do? I do. Well, let's figure it out. But do you think it's a place? Yes. You do? I do. Well, let's figure it out. Where do you think it is? Let's get into it. Yeah. Where physically is it?

What is it to you? That's tricky. Yeah? Where is it? Yeah, where is it? I think it's a sense of, I know people on Earth, it's a sense of if somebody dies, your best friend. Uh-huh.

As an atheist. Why would you say that about my best friend? I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. How could you do that? Or your best friend uh huh as an atheist why would you say that about my best friend sorry yeah yeah how could you do that or my best friend I hope he doesn't okay yours

or your parents or someone Jesus Christ my parents no sorry dude yeah I took it worse yeah it's as an atheist

in the defense of an atheist would say like he's just that's it that's tough to stomach yeah that's nothing is it it's just and you can do whatever you want on this earth with no that's it that's tough to stomach yeah that's nothing that it's just and you can do whatever you

want on this earth with no that's that's it what are we all doing here science who knows which yeah yeah nobody knows that is your best guess is your best guess of everything we know about earth and and science and we when dies, no one knows. Yeah, nobody. It's great. That's wild. I know where I go. Where?

Into something else. Another, you're still Andrew. No. Oh, you're not Andrew. No, Andrew's just a shell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The body is just a transportation unit. I agree with that.

The soul and the energy go into something else. It goes somewhere. Into something else. Yeah, yeah. Into the next generation of things. Yeah. Whether it's a person or an animal or a plant. No, you can't.

Energy doesn't disappear. It merely transfers into something new. Yeah. So your heart's ticking. Yeah. There's no battery inside of you. No, it's just going. Yeah, so what makes it go?

That's unbelievable. Energy. Yeah. Yeah, so your energy created by whatever you believe in. Where did it start? Where did energy start from we're getting into it now yeah

but I'm saying you're just out here and then some like someday you could just be like no more and then he just

died in his sleep that's it yeah but his energy went somewhere yeah it went somewhere somebody took it a guy we know just died last weekend

man yeah I know yeah I know older guy older gentleman alright but I said to my buddy I go, I wonder where he is now.

And he was like, what? He's dead. I was like, no, I wonder where it went. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to go somewhere. But when you, you ever looked in a dead body? There's nothing in there. What are you doing on the weekends?

No, I just, sometimes I can just. Just staring at dead bodies? You're like, dude, I know you're sober, but. Have I ever seen somebody dead? Yeah. It's not in there. No, yeah, nothing's in there. It's not in there. somebody dead? Yeah. It's not in there. No, yeah. Nothing's in there.

It's not in there. That's a shell. That's not in there. This is a shell. What do they call it in the Bible? This is just, you're like a transportation unit of some kind. You're a vessel. You're a vessel.

Right, exactly. I'm doing the blue collar version. You're like a dump truck for your soul. If I catch a wind of you doing these, I'm going to be like, dude, I'm going to be proud of you. I'm going to forget all this. I don't even remember what's going on right now. I started it with comedy. This was a comedy podcast, and we went really deep.

We went into alcohol and addiction. We got pretty into it. What I should say is to cover up some of that stuff, or not cover up, but to cover what I felt about addiction. I think a lot of people have struggled with alcohol. I'm proud that you got off the sauce if you think you need to do it i think it's good yeah if you can moderate it that's good too and great it's not it's going to work for everybody differently and if you need to have a drink in the airport at 8 a.m go ahead go for it go ahead there's a guy why am i judging i don't

care there was a guy so everybody everybody in rehab has done the most horrific human things yeah like killed somebody? Pretty close. Yeah. But then you hear their story. Yeah. And you go, ah, man. We love you, dude.

I want to give you a hug. Because you feel for him. Yeah, this guy was doing, so he was like. But you can't share it's anonymous. No, I'm not sharing it. No. In rehab? No, you're not going to share a story now, can you?

No, I'm going to share a story of a guy. Can you do that? Yes. Okay. I'm not sharing it. No. In rehab? No, you're not going to share a story now, can you? No, I'm going to share a story of a guy. Can you do that? Yes. Okay. I'm not going to out the guy. We're going to put his name right here at the bottom. If you click right here, there's a hyperlink to his Instagram page. No, he was a surgeon.

He was a surgeon, and he was covering three hospitals in his city. And he needed the—when you're a surgeon, you're the guy you're the guy you're the god in that in that hospital this guy you're holding someone's life wild and and nothing no none of the nurses and none of the staff can do anything until you the surgeon comes what was his jazz what was his addiction uh alcohol yeah okay but they were like well here's your gloves here's your here's your mat you just walk into your park your bends right in the front just and his kind of family life was not good right and so he was addicted to work right he did not sleep covering three hospitals which is which is insane and he said he he was doing shots before surgeries. Party. To calm down. Kind of tight.

A little bit of a flex. That's insane. And then he said that he couldn't stop working because he needed to be the guy. Sure. But he was exhausted and he was depressed. But he found no way. Does that make sense? There's no way out of that.

Of course. You can't say, hey, I want to take time off because you need to go there. I say, like, Ralphie May, he died of stand-up comedy. He died? Yeah. Shoot, dude. Dang it. Rest in peace.

No, Ralphie was great. He did die of stand-up comedy. But they were like, hey, just come off the road. Yeah. And you have pneumonia. Just come off the road. No, he was never going to do that. No.

Stand-up was the thing he loved more than anything. Yeah. But don't you feel like, I feel like that's, I'm addicted to work. I'm definitely addicted to work. Can't do it. I'm an addict. I'm not going to give up. A hundred percent.

Yeah. But you got to learn, you're right though, with age and time comes moderation, right? Like I've learned to moderate alcohol because I got older and you're like, man, sometimes I don't need to be partying that much yeah same thing about work i've only learned recently and i think it's an age thing where you go i need to slow down sometimes just take some take a break when's the first time you were like i'm not gonna go to the go out and just but i don't have other plans that's just for me recently like i'm not gonna go to the club probably probably three four four years ago, I started to go.

Three or four years ago. Yeah. And how long have you been doing stand-up? Since 2006. Oh, my. I know. You were like, I don't have any plans tonight, but I... Like tonight, I can't wait to not do anything.

But I did six hours at the Albany Improv last weekend. You're like, you can take a night off. Yeah, you need it. But like New Material Monday at Zany's, she's like, can you come through? I'm like, why not? Yeah. I got nothing going on. Nothing. But don't you think that's a lot healthier than hitting the bottle? Yeah.

For you? Yeah. Well, it hasn't become a consequence. And when it does, you'll shift? Well, like working? Yeah. I guess it has, but I mean, I'm still single. So what? Yeah, dude. Thanks, dude. What guess it has been. I mean, I'm still single. So what? Yeah, dude. Thanks, dude. What does that even mean?

Do you need... I feel like I would like to have like a... You want a partner? I think so, yeah. Go get one. I could make that happen. Yeah, I feel like you could. Thanks, dude.

You're handsome enough, dude. Gas me up, dude. You could do it. You need to make some small changes in life, but yeah, you fix your hair. There is a few things I will email you that you need to change. Thanks, not publicly. But you do. So you're what?

You're pining, right? You sound... You've mentioned it, I think, a few things I will email you that you need to change. It's not publicly. But you do, so you're what? You're pining, right? You sound, you've mentioned it, I think, a few times. You sound like you really do want a partner in life, huh? Yeah. And you're having trouble. I'm having trouble, yeah, because the thing about stand-up, and every comic will relate to this, you don't know what that, what is done for me.

Yeah. Man, there's nothing. My buddy used to have a joke. He'd be like, dude, my kids don't know my name, but is done for me. Yeah. Man, there's nothing. My buddy used to have a joke. He'd be like, dude, my kids don't know my name, but I got this new closer that's crushing. It's like, it's a joke. Right, right, right, right, right. Dude, the doctor said I had a spot, but like, dude, this new five minutes is killing me. But I'm murdering.

So when you say, hey, just like take a night off and like go out to dinner with like a. With a buddy. No, with a woman. Oh, on a date. And I go, ah, I can't do it because that has made me feel so good. Oh, so you need to do that too. What?

You need to just go out on a date. And not... Yeah, what are you doing? Take her to a date to the comedy club. Oh, God, that guy's the worst. Don't take her there. That guy... While you're performing?

Yeah. You want to see me rip? Oh, God. No, dude, do yourself a favor and take some time to be for you. Yeah, that's a rehab. Because you're like, dude... You have enough money in the God. No, dude. Do yourself a favor and take some time to be for you. Yeah, that's a rehab. You have enough money in the bank.

You're still young. You're fine. Take some time. Yeah. Show me your bank account right now. Show it to me. Open up your phone and do it. I don't know. Do it right now.

I don't know how to get to it. Yeah, you do. Open your phone right now. To my checking account? Mm-hmm. I don't know how to get to it. I don't know how to get to the account. Give it to me right now.

I don't know how to get to it. Show it to me. I don't know how to get to it. I don't know how to get to the account. Give it to me right now. I don't know how to get to it. Show it to me. I don't know how to get to it. Whiskey bully. We're doing good, though. Ginger bully. Yeah, you don't have to. No, you're doing fine.

That's what I'm saying. Take a night off. Have some fun. You've achieved some stuff. I don't have to work anymore. I don't have to work anymore. You're right. Well, you'd have to do comedy still.

No, if I didn't want to. You'd never work again? Yeah. Hide in a cave? No, if I did. I said I don't need to work anymore right so now we're just out here yeah like you right well you took all that money from those religious people don't you feel bad well i i feel like what what tithings tithing is what it's called i mean why though but i wasn't taking anyone's tithe what are you talking about?

No, I just wanted to hear it again in my head. Tithings? Tidings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, tithing. Tithing. And you pass around the hat? You're going to pay 10%. Did it used to be the preacher's hat?

Is that where that comes from? I think it was just like a hat. Just some guy's hat? Yeah, and they put 10% in there. Who chose whose hat? Depends on where. I've been to a lot of different, depends on the denomination.

In Catholics, it's a metal bowl. Okay. Oh, they got baskets. Yeah, they got with the handles. And the little kids come around with the baskets, the little schmucks. Yeah. And they look at you weird. That was your job?

Huh? What do you mean you got kicked out? Of the church? You got kicked out of the school. I got kicked out of Catholic school. For being bad. For punching somebody. You can't do that.

I think that's any school. You deserved it. Yeah, I did. Are you kidding me? In public school, everybody punches each other. That's what public school is. So you had to go to public school? I did.

So since then, you'd be like religious people? No. No, my mother got divorced when I was one. Okay. Because my, because,

For religious reasons? Because my dad went to jail. Prison. Ah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a trouble. Justified. Well, so the Catholic Church makes you get an annulment,

which basically says that you were not married. Yeah, it's a trouble. It's justified. Well, so the Catholic Church makes you get an annulment, which basically says that you were not married. Oh, in the Catholic Church. In the Catholic Church, yeah. Because you can't, yeah. Yeah, not the broad Christian stroke. Catholics, they were specific about it. You've got to get married in the Catholic Church. Correct, and if you do get a divorce,

you have to get an annulment, which says, in the eyes of the Lord, that marriage never really took place. It's essentially saying... So you can still go to heaven. Correct, yeah. Yeah. But my mother saying... So you can still go to heaven. Correct. Yeah. But my mother felt...

Tough. My mother felt a really... Yeah, Catholics are stringent. Tough. Not the new age Catholic. Yeah. This was 30 years ago. Yeah.

But my mother felt so let down by the community. Like they were... That's fair. They were disgusted that she got a divorce. Like she was a bad person. And she thought those people were her people. Of course.

How could you not? That's tough. Yeah. When a community doesn't stand up for you during your toughest time, then what does that say about the community? So that's tough. And the time that you needed them the most,

they were like... So even after divorce, I still went to Catholic school and I was going to Sunday school and all that stuff. Yeah. But I, but I started to question as I got older, cause I never understood why there was resentment towards the whole thing. Yeah.

So if there's a big, like living in sin, all those things, you know, I never understood it. So you're just like, yeah, but you wouldn't say I never liked it. Who's to say? And that's like a lot. Everybody would have a hurt from religion. Sure. This guy said he was...

And that's what happened with my... There's no really other word for it besides cancellation. They're like, he said... I didn't come out and say that I was a good guy, but I was working in church, so they're like, he must be... A good guy. And then when you find out he's not, quote, by their standards,

I'm a good man. Who's to say? Yeah. You do have a good heart. You have a good soul. Thank you. And I know that to be true about myself. But you're like, oh, he said he was this,

and now he found out he was this. Right. And that's what Christian or not, any religion, you're like, this fitness instructor or health instructor, I saw her eat at McDonald's. She said she was, or the politician, no more wear your mask everywhere.

But I saw him. A hundred percent. He's not. What's that old phrase? People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones? He's the. Or was he, he was without sin,

shouldn't cast a stone? That's a 50 cent lyric. Did he say that? You can't throw stones if you live in a glass house. You shut your mouth because I'll break your face. Yeah, yeah.

Say the rest. No, that's it. There's an N-word in there somewhere. Say it if you want to say it. How do you always know what I'm about to say? Because I think about it. Because I got a brain that's... Oh, keep going.

No, keep going. Go ahead and say it. No, you know what? No, it's let he who is without sin cast the first stone, right? Yeah, yeah. Which we don't abide by. But if you... We all think we're so perfect.

It's... By the way, if you throw a good stone, though... Respect. Huck it. Yeah. Huck it at him. I think I saw... You know Anthony Jeselnik?

Of course, I know him well. I don't know him. He's a friend. All right, tell... If you have seen him... So when I got... Like, I was at my worst, darkest moments. I was getting crushed on the internet.

Just crushed by everybody say John Chris he's supposed to be a Christian and he's hooking up with girls or whatever it was and I was he said he reposted

my article of being cancelled and he goes I've never laughed at a Christian comedian before but here we are and I was like that's freaking hilarious

that's a very just I go respect yeah yeah yeah I was like man that's funny that's funny and I was like I's freaking hilarious that's a very just i go hey i go respect yeah yeah i was like man that's funny that's funny and i was like i wish i don't know him but i was like that's i i was like you're like oh man you're hurt by stuff and you go ah that's pretty good yeah that's funny that's a comedian making a joke funny that's our whole job right that's the whole thing yeah when i was in, dude, this is the most,

I was like, this is pretty close to suicidal. Were you really? Yeah, it was a pretty dark place. Oh, wow. Because I thought... How were you going to do it? I didn't get that far.

No, you weren't going to do it then, you pussy. Yeah, I don't know. Probably true. Probably true. I'm kidding, dude. But they say, we had to have like a checklist

every day about harming yourself or have you made any specific plans? And did you really think about it? I just thought that I wouldn't, I didn't want to do it anymore. have you ever had someone in your life harm themselves like that yes you have of course many people have killed themselves that you know um a couple handful yeah oh yeah this i think that touches everybody yeah i've had four or five people yeah

yeah yeah that'd be about the same yeah i was it i was like i i was like i don't think i can this is might be you don't see a way out can. You don't see a way out. You know, we don't see a way out. And after a couple weeks, I started, you know, people were sending me letters. My parents were like, came to visit. I was like, oh, there's a, if I can get out of here, at least I can eat at Chick-fil-A and play golf again. Let's start there.

Fact, fact. Let's start there. Yeah. So then I was like, oh. I started kind of feeling better right comedy or career aside and my buddy warren he this i tell this joke on stage he comes up to me he's we've cried together and his family's in a it's a disaster and we're having a very hard time in there and he puts his arm around me one day and he goes hey dude it looks like you're doing better in here

looks like you're making a lot of progress i just want to let you know don't take suicide off the table just yet it's like yeah still could work great joke still could work great joke yeah but you're like that's the anthony anthony jessel like that's horrific you're like it's a great joke it's a great joke great joke you tell that on stage yes to your audience yes how do they feel they it's i go this is this is the this is the most i've i set it up in a way that like this is the most this is the darkest joke but the most therapeutic joke i've ever heard right it did that that literally was my a little bit of the corner that i turned i go that's good ah man i think about that every day and he was like uh he would always be like We would go out to like meetings and stuff

Yeah I don't know if you can get it here But he would be like Nah it's not gonna hold Or like To a beam or something We were like in church And he goes hey dude

I go dude Yeah But what so But think about why Why is that funny Why is that funny Cause he knows He has trust and faith In the idea that you're not going to kill yourself.

And I know that you care for me. Yeah. Now, if somebody on the internet said that, I would be pissed. Well, I'll be different. Yeah, they don't know you. I don't know you. I knew he was trying to help. Yeah, they don't know you.

They're just trying to say something to say something to get a rise. And he was a funny... He knew that I was kind of like, I mean, that's a risk to take if you're going to throw a joke like that out there. You also don't look like a suicide guy. Thanks, man. I don't know what is that even mean. That's the guy, they never, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's the true darkness. Yeah, well, there is a true darkness to it. I've been low, we've all had super, super lows. Yeah. And like, when it and like you you when it happens to you when you have a friend that that that takes their life you know makes you think about so much so i think it does put a lot of less things into perspective right and you yeah and you and you get out of that mindset of like i feel bad and you're like wow i shouldn't i stop

feeling bad for myself because you're the ones that creates all your own problems you're the one that exacerbates them you're the ones that creates all your own problems. You're the one that exacerbates them. You're the ones that can fix them. You can do all that. Yeah. And that, and that should make, that should, that should encourage you.

Of course. Yeah. That should be, that should gas you up. Yeah. You should get lower. You should go, I can,

I can make my life better. You can leave out of here. Right. Everybody can, when they're done with this podcast, can do whatever. Yeah. They do whatever they want.

You can do whatever you want. Right. And you could like, like I watched, uh, I don't think you'd have a problem with me telling this. You can do whatever you want. Right. And you could, like, I watched, I don't think you'd have a problem with me telling this. You're like, I'll tell it.

There's a comedian that is a friend of mine that is now sober. Right? And he had trouble drinking, too. He watched Kevin Hart on the, when the Eagles won the Super Bowl.

Remember he got up on the podium? No. After the Eagles won. He's from Philly. Yeah. He got up on the, But I didn't know that. He was on the parade, you mean? Yeah, no, no. After the Eagles won. He's from Philly. Yeah. He got up on the... But I didn't know that. He was on the parade, you mean?

Yeah, no, no. After the game with Terry Bradshaw. Oh, right, right. He got up there and he was drunk. Oh, I do remember that. Remember that? Yeah. And that comedian goes, he saw that and he goes, never again.

I'm drinking anymore. Really? Yep. Why? He goes, he wanted to do things in his career. And he goes, that's at least embarrassing. Yeah. And never again.

Kevin's still working yeah no i'm saying he he was he saw him drinking like that didn't like what i'm saying is everybody has their ability to be like oh no see i would see that and be like that looks fun yeah but there's two suits back to suicide there's no rock bottom until you're dead sure so there's like oh you're in rehab that's rock bottom no it's not, there's no rock bottom until you're dead. Sure. So there's like, oh, you're in rehab. That's rock bottom. No, it's not. No, there is rock bottom. There's way deeper bottoms.

Right. They're like, oh, you get a DUI. That's rock bottom. You decided it was your rock bottom. That's not a rock bottom. But that's a good thing if you decide it is, and you can fix your shit. Yes.

Was your rehab fancy? It was pretty nice. Isn't that so funny? You would go to a nice rehab you pretty bitch you're not gonna go to a stank ass rehab no I went to where Tiger Woods went

you did? yeah yeah I slept in his bed I asked him I was like can I sleep in Tiger Woods bed cause I just wanted to

see if it would get the vibes cause I like to play golf wow yeah are you good? I'm decent I'm like a 10 handicap that's not bad

yeah it's not bad yeah you wanna know what I shot before I came here? what? you played today? mhm this guy did you know what I shot before I came here? What? You played today? Mm-hmm. This guy, dude.

You know what I shot before I came here? What? If you say... 72. What are we doing here, dude? 72. Don't whisper to me like that, dude. You know I can't handle it.

72. That's unbelievable. 72. But, dude, that... Had a great day today. That, if you... People ask why is golf so, like, addicting or intoxicating. Oh, God.

You know, endorphins go, they tell me this in rehab, endorphins go into your brain when they, when you're, you're getting the idea that you're headed in the right direction. That's when, so when you hit it, and it's going, and it's getting better and better, it getting, and you just go. Yeah, you juice. Oh, man. And people are like, if you don't play golf You're like That doesn't make sense Right If you play It makes perfect sense

You hit a 30 footer And it's bending And you see it going in Forget about it Done Burn the world down Done Over

You play with Bargatze All the time He's a Nashville guy All the time He's obsessed with golf I'm probably gonna go out there When I play I'm gonna play with him

At his club Yeah That's where Members of the same club Oh you are I shouldn't say that On the podcast You can say whatever you want Yeah but I gotta be You gotta be like poor Don't we have to be poor Who Comedians with him at his club. Yeah, that's where members of the same club. Oh, you are? I shouldn't say that on the podcast.

You can say whatever you want. Yeah, but you gotta be poor. Don't we have to be poor? Who? Comedians. We have to be on the struggle. I thought that was a thing. Do you?

And Joe Rogan had a $100 million deal. Yeah, but he's still like, I'm a guy. Yeah, no, he is still a guy. Yeah, he's a guy. We talked about this off the air. Money shouldn't change you.

Yeah, yeah. But it should help you get what you need. Do the thing you want to do more productively. Sure. But would you ever... I think the black comics can get away with this more than... Jesus Christ, the way you say that.

What? Just let me... Hold on. The way you say it. I think those people... You know... Those people comics... But it's necessary for the joke.

Go ahead. The black comics can do a better... Comics in the black community... People of color. People of color. People of color. POC comedians. POC community. POCCs.

Yeah, POCCs. People of color comedians. Can do... Can get away with flexing. Because? I don't know. That was the end. I just said they...

Like, would you ever take a photo in front of a private jet? No. No. Why not? That's insane. Why? No, but... Why wouldn't I? Yeah.

They don't need to know that. But it's a flex. I don't like to flex. When the G-wagon's pulled up to the jet, and then you're, and the jet's in the background, you've seen that. Yeah, you're saying, why do the black comics, why can black comics do it? They dress nicer, they can wear... I think inherently their struggle as black human beings has probably led them to feel

like this is a good... Dude, I was getting there to say that. You were never going to get there. I was. I think in the black community, it's also... Success is celebrated, and for some reason, white comics are supposed to feel shame about success. Or we're supposed to, like, Bill Burr or Louis C.K. is like, I got a stain on my shirt.

I just came from McDonald's. These guys are multi-multi-millionaires. Yes. Yeah, you're supposed to feel bad about success. But no. But we're bald, and we're struggling. I just came from McDonald's. You guys are multi, multi-millionaires. Yes. You're supposed to feel bad about success. But we're bald. We're struggling. I think beyond black or white, I think erase black or white.

I don't really see skin color. You do. Yes, you do because you said it five times at the beginning of this bit. No, I think beyond black or white, the truth to me is comics in general,

comedians, across all boards, men, women, black, white, they have to be the every man quote unquote the every person white comics or every comic comics i think there's an expectation that you should be the relatable guy or gal and when you do when you don't like ellen did it but she was doing a bit about being rich it was like ironic but she's still trying to be but it doesn't every man but it doesn't work because they know she's too rich.

Yeah, very rich. When you get too rich, you're like, you're too rich, we know. You're too rich. You can't fake it. You can't come into Zany's anymore. They're like, I'm just driving my Civic. That's not yours. You're not.

That's one of your cleaning people. LeBron James advertising for Kia. You don't. You've never driven one. You don't even know what they look like. You have no idea what they look like. He's never seen a photo of a Kia. But like a lot of the great comics, like Eddie Murphy and all that,

them coming up, those specials, the Kevin Hart early specials, were really, really transcendent. Of course. Transcendent. But here's my thing. That's what I meant. No matter the color or the skin of the comedian or the gender or the orientation, whatever,

comics are always supposed to be the every person. So the moment that you kind of ascend, I think Rock said this, and I've said it on the show. Who's Rock? Chris. Chris Rock. Yeah, but it could be The Rock. There's only one Rock in the comedy world.

Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. No, there's not. Tony Rock, his brother, he's also very funny. Chris Rock said... You said it like you were his buddy. Not. Okay. No, I don't even know him.

Chris Rock. Yeah, we kissed once. All right, yeah. He said the worst thing that can happen to a comic is too much success. Yep, yep, yep. buddy not okay no i don't even know chris rock yeah we kissed we kissed once all right yeah he said that he said the worst thing that happened to a comic is too much success yep yep and i think that's true because you you then you do flex stuff and yeah then it takes you away from reality then everybody are you gonna write a joke that everybody gets when you're writing on g5s all the time you're not connected to anything well how could you be yeah that's what well that's why all right so what happened to me, I stayed on stage.

I go, everybody wants to know what happened. I was like, you can't send a comedian. If you want to get rid of a comedian, you can't send him to rehab. I go, it's like breaking up with Taylor Swift. She's going to write some hits. Like, pain or, like, suffering or embarrassment or like not to put ourselves like but I saw Louis CK

yeah where? at Zany's yeah he's touring again I don't like it was unreal you mean he's one of the best you've ever seen? best by far cause better than me? not better than you did you do your album with the yarn

yeah that's the times I text you Better than me? Not better than you, dude. Thank God. You have your album with the yarn. That's the times I text you. Oh, yeah. When I go, dude, remember I texted you about, I was at Waffle House? Yeah, I do remember. And I texted you about the guy with the house burning down and sleeping naked. That's right, yeah. And that's the best comedy when you go, somebody has a bit about this thing. He's like, I don't want to sleep naked,

and I send him your bit. I go, where is that? I know that bit exists on the internet. It's mine, yeah. That's great. Or where, you go, I don't think the cleaning of the tables was ever, but I used to come see you at the Laugh Factory all the time

just because I liked your comedy. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. And I don't think that, wiping off stuff, I don't think you ever said that bit twice. I probably only did it once or twice. It probably didn't go anywhere.

And I threw it away. He's like, what is the bit? No, I said it was when they wiped down a rag. No, I did end up putting that on an album, maybe. When they wiped down your table, but the rag is very wet. Let me just spread this stuff all over your table. Yeah, put that back. Is there bacteria over here?

Let me put it right over here now. Yeah. I said it's like street sweepers. That did make it onto it. I said, I don't think street cleaners ever do anything. They just snuffle up against dirt from one corner to the other where a street bends. Snuffle up. My mom always liked that.

Shout out to my mom. Hey, Mom. She goes, snuffle up. I see it. But in defense of comedy or great stand-up. Louis did great, you were were saying Because of the suffering It was just unbelievable Does he approach all his stuff

He just said hey you're welcome You're seeing me and I used to do theaters Or I used to do stadiums Is that what he said Or he goes good to see you guys I've had a tough year Or something like that But not Like comedy Is you trying to like,

I've been in church my whole life. Yeah. Every Sunday of my whole life. I can feel it. Yeah. Why do some people have a church feel? What do I? Do I feel like I was in church?

No. No. You feel like I'm, you know I've been in church in forever. Why do you say that about me? Because there's something about your shirt. The crispness, the corners. It's just put put together you look like church would be happy if you showed up if i showed up they go are you trying to get to you need a different building yeah this is where god lives or they might be like try to like you're like oh he's like he's lost he's obviously i worked

there or i i know the people there do you think maybe they think I work, I'm coming for a job? Yeah, they're like, oh, he's. Are you the new audio guy? He goes, can we help you? That's what he said. Not like you walk into a store that you're not qualified. There's two kinds. There's one kind that goes, hi, how can we help you?

Yeah. But the other kind is, can we help you? Right. That second one is. When they think you're robbing the store, they just kind of. What are you doing here? Shade you around. What are you guys guys doing can i help you find anything but not in like they're not actually trying to help no they don't want to help you find anything they want to

make sure you don't steal from them that's perfect is there something i can help you with how's everything going today why do you want to know like i'm just looking around and they go well so are we at you at you what are you gonna? So in church. So I've been in church my whole life. You say, hey, I could probably count on three hands, like sermons. Fifteen. Just say fifteen. No, three fingers.

Sorry. Okay, because three hands is fifteen. Okay, don't do that. I don't know why I said that. I count three fingers. Sermons that were transformational to my life that I remember.

Truly. But a comedy bit, I heard it one time. And that? Randomly. And I was probably texting, no disrespect, but I was probably,

and I think about it every day. So what are you saying? If comedy is done, if it's done its job, people all the time with my videos, they're like, people from Disney be like, or they go,

this guy has a bit about this. I have to go find it. Right. Because it's so therapeutic. So what you're saying is comedy is godlike. Pretty much. It is. No, it is.

Not comedians, not us. I'm saying the idea of making people laugh and feel good, it's cathartic. 100%. Yeah, it's godlike. And if you listen to any good preacher... You think there's parallels? Well. 100%. Yeah, it's godlike. And if you listen to any good preacher... You think there's parallels? Well, at the beginning, everyone makes a joke.

Every preacher? To start. Give me a good cracker for a preacher. What is a room cracker? Like, you know, he would read, oh, I got an email. Like Joel Osteen. Watch any Joel Osteen. I can't watch that guy.

That's the stadium guy, right? Yeah, the stadium guy. I can't do the stadium guys. Yeah. Give me the guy that's with 17 people in Mobile, Alabama. You can trust him. Oh, Joel? No, no, no.

Yeah, small church guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big church guy. You can trust him more. What does Joel say, though? He'd tell some kind of joke. Like, you know, there was a guy, there was a flood, and the guy was standing on his roof.

And he's like, God, come save me. And the guy in a boat drove by. And he's like, no, I'm waiting on his roof. And he's like, God, come save me. And the guy in a boat drove by. And he's like, no, I'm waiting for God. And then he's like, God, please save me. And the guy, yeah, and he goes, I sent you. I sent two boats. Yeah. And it's like, ah.

Does that rip? Yeah, that would kill. Yeah, yeah. No, that's not really a joke, but I remember. But it's an icebreaker for a preacher. You know Barry Katz? Yeah, the manager? Yeah.

Yeah, of course. Okay, so like two years into comedy, he like wanted a meeting with me. He saw my, he goes, dude, this is, and I met him, I went into his office

and he goes, how long you been doing comedy? I go like two, two years. And he goes, what did your dad do? What did your what? He goes,

what did your dad do? Uh. Which I thought was a, and I go, my dad was a pastor. He goes, that makes sense. He goes, that makes sense. He goes,

that makes sense because you have been watching a guy come on stage, connect, relate, communicate a point, wrap it up.

You've been watching that since, like Dale Earnhardt Jr. is good at racing the first race. Yeah. Because he knows what to do.

Yeah, he knows what to do. Dad, Papa. Yeah, he knows what to do. Dad, Papa. Yeah, I know what to do. He's better than his dad, though, right? He knows his dad was better. His dad was better? Than Taylor and our junior.

I know nothing about NASCAR, dude. Don't even look at me like I would know it. Yeah, yeah. Richard Petty. Yeah, Taylor and ours are better. In terms of wins, Richard Petty would be my favorite. Richard Petty, right? Yeah, Richard Petty.

All right, so don't question my knowledge of NASCAR. You're right. You're a southern guy now, so you should. All right, so don't question my knowledge of NASCAR. You're right. You're a southern guy now, so you should know all about NASCAR. I know a lot about NASCAR. I got a racing team. But they don't take you serious when you show up to NASCAR because you look too cute. What do you mean? You don't look like a NASCAR guy.

I'm one of the guys. No, you're not. Oh, yeah. You with sleeveless shirts. Too pretty. Not pretty, just cute. You're not pretty. You're cute.

It's a big difference. What's the difference? Everyone watching knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not pretty, you're cute. It's a big difference. What's the difference? Everyone watching knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not pretty, you're cute. Oh, yeah. They see him, they go, this guy's too cute to be at NASCAR. He's not.

He's making fun of us. Well, you bring a white claw there, and they're all chugging Budweiser's. Yeah, it's like this guy. Yeah, can't be in there. How many fights you been in? Zero. Yeah, they know, and they can feel it on you. What do you mean?

Those NASCAR guys can smell a guy who can't fight. All right, so what do I need to do to get in with him? Start a fight. Just punch somebody. Show up to NASCAR, fight. Show up and go, Richard Petty wasn't shit. Oh, yeah. Say it like that. You have to say Dale Earnhardt.

Dale Earnhardt wasn't shit. Oh, no, he's dead, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah, that'll start a fight. Oh, yeah. With a guy with a sleeveless Dale Earnhardt shirt on. And a hat and all that stuff and the shoes and all that jazz. He wasn't that good.

Are you liking Nashville or no? Love it. You do? Yeah. Nash Vegas? Well, you know, when I came out here, I started to be more Southern when I came out here. Because the comedian's very anti-whatever's going on. Well, yeah, we're...

But I started wearing like bass pro shops and like nascar i started to really own that way of life when i came out here that's not who you really were no it was in the south sure yeah that i like i was a kind of like we grew up like in the suburbs and poor and and then but he always but everyone was doing that. And so I wanted to be like L.A. when I was there. So now you're L.A.? No, now I'm just a part of it. I'm just who I am now. Who are you now?

I'm just John. But what does that mean? Who is John? I mean, I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian, and then all the things that are like similar to that, like all the life's like I like, you know, southern things. What does that mean? I like NASCAR. Like we have a racing team. like, I like, you know, southern things. What does that mean? I like NASCAR.

Like, we have a racing team. I know. I saw you. That's right. You have a sponsorship, right? Awesome. Who's the guy? Dylan Bates is our driver.

Dylan Bates. Yeah, Dylan Bates. Is he good? No. He's good. He's getting better. You said no right away. We need more money.

It's just tough to win. No. We haven't won. How tall is he? Small. Are they all tiny, those guys? No, pretty small. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you've got to be, like when you do F1, they've got to be skin and bones. Like in NASCAR, if you're there, you're an unbelievable driver. But the guy, they would say like the top, at Daytona, if everything goes well, there's four guys that have a chance to win. Really? Yeah, because of money and because of their car. Well, that's the same in F1, really. Yeah. F1 is dominated by Mercedes. Are we good?

No, our team is not. We're not numbers-wise, but he's a great driver. Unbelievable. Right. But he does, and I'm the sponsor, so we're like, dude, the guy says after the last race, dude, we're missing a clutch thing between the third and fourth gear, and if we had that...

How much is that? Yeah, it's expensive. Is it? Yeah. Give me a relative term. Five grand. Five grand for the thing? Five grand, yeah, yeah. You guys can have that? Yeah, but then, because we go out there, and we're like the smaller team. Sure. But you see the guy with the bigger truck, and you're like...

He'll kill you. We gotta get one of those. No, it's very, it's like a boat. You got a guy with a bigger boat, and you're like, he'll kill you. We got to get one of those. No, it's a very, it's a, it's like a boat. You got a guy with a bigger boat and you're like, see, I see the guy with the big boat. I want the smallest boat.

I want the little side boat to the yacht. You don't want to compete. I just want to, I just want to fish. You're like, dude, yeah, well, I love her. You like to fish?

No, I hate fishing. Yeah, you don't like, yeah, you like to, yeah. Why would I? But now we're like, think about it. What am I doing out there?

What are you doing? Why am I fishing? You got, your skin's not good for What am I doing out there? What are you doing? Why am I fishing? Your skin's not good for fishing. I can't be out on the boat with the thing. Nah, I can't be out on the boat. You have a tough time. Every five...

Spray it down when you play golf? Of course I do. Twice. All over. Front nine, back nine. Do you? Front nine, back nine. Who do you play with?

None of your business, dude. Sorry to ask too much. That was too personal. Honestly, none of your business. After everything we've gotten into, that was too... I'm sorry about that. I play with... I mean, literally, a bunch of guys. That was too personal. Honestly, none of your business. After everything we've gotten into, that was too much. I'm sorry about that. I play with, I mean,

literally a bunch of guys. Same. Yeah, no, like, I don't go famous guy golfing. Yeah, that's not it. You know? That's not the move. I don't either.

Yes, I do. You do? Yes, I do. Sometimes. A lot of times. No, no, no, I'm kidding. Why, it's like, yeah. I play with just guys,

a group of guys that I play with. You play by yourself? I used to. Yeah. I used like, yeah. I play with just guys, a group of guys that I play by. You play by yourself? I used to. Yeah. I used to, but now I don't. Now I always want, now I always do want to go with someone because I like betting.

It's fun to bet. You know, it's fun to play a game. Yeah. I like playing games. You get 20 bucks a hole or something like that. 20 grand a hole. That's it.

20 grand a hole. No. No, I like playing games. There's Wolf or Dots or any of this. I like all this stuff. But if you're... Banker. Michael Jordan used to say whatever. I mean, I kind of like relate to him a lot in this way yeah you are kind of like

him just kidding no he said he's like how much you want to bet for he goes whatever makes you scared that's a great whatever makes you scared well because he's not scared of it the money doesn't mean anything to him yeah but but well but i heard he doesn't pay. No. That's not true. I heard he doesn't pay, dude. I heard he's lost and he's been like, peace. Okay, but some amount of money matters. Not to him. Some. Dude, he's worth over a billion with a B. You're going to bank a four-foot putt with $5 million.

He'd be bummed, but he just made it back in the time it took him to miss the putt. Think about that. I had like $60 on a three. What's the most you ever bet? Oh, 20 bucks a hole. That's the most you've ever bet? Yeah.

$60 on a three foot putt? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, because we had two, it was two, we, what's it called? Carried over on two holes

and this putt was for. Foot push. Yeah. I was nervous. You missed. No, I made it. You did?

I made it. I guess my, against my cousin Matt. But it was so like. Tense. Tense. Yeah, dude, I felt it a Against my cousin, Matt. But it was so, like... Tense. Yeah, dude, I felt it a little bit. 20 bucks a hole is the most you've ever bet, though. Yeah, yeah.

That's still pretty good. Well, because that's how much if you lose. I'm going to do math in front of you. It's almost $4, $360. If you lose every hole, $360. Pretty hard to lose every hole. Yeah, it'd be tough. You play with a handicap? You play with a handicap,

you play against a handicap, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. But if that,

but you were like, hey, why do you, if you don't understand golf, you're like, why do you, what are you guys

doing out there? Everybody tuned out to what, you know, I know, trust me, I do agree, fishing must satisfy

the same beast that golf does for me. Yeah, but like, I know people that are like, like a girl that loves to like, she does like the Instagram thing

where like being like a model. Influencer or whatever. Same thing. Same thing. So we're all addicts. Everybody. We're just choosing what our addictions are. Yes.

And when you take, when you take the thing away from somebody. See what it does. It makes them a monster. Oh. Everybody. That's why, like you see a lot of people melt down when instagram's like changing the algorithm sometimes oh right yeah everybody like they were like hey you got to go into your you got to make sure now i i thought i was at almost years ago, I thought I'd lost everything. So all these things I hold very loosely. Very loosely.

But now you feel like you've overcome. Because I thought comedy was over for me. I thought it was all over. That everyone would unfollow me. That everyone would... Because of your mistakes? Mm-hmm. And I was a Christian.

So I thought that was over. But the Christian community supported you? Personally, and privately, overwhelmingly. Publicly, I got crushed. Did any church write a big article about you? Yeah, lots. Who did they write it to, just their parish? Just, they posted on like Christian websites and stuff.

Oh, give me some of those. They exist. Like a Christian tabloid website. What's it called? I don't know, there's lots. That's so funny. You can look them up, yeah, yeah, those. They exist. Like a Christian tabloid website. What's it called? That's so funny. You can look them up. Christian people. Yeah, pretty close.

God-like people. God people. I always joke around about it because my buddy's like, dude, I read this article about you in this Christian tabloid, but the next article was like how to cast demons out of your lampshades. So you're like... How do you do that? Because I've been having them for years.

What is the phrase? Or it's like is little Nas X X the rebirth of the Antichrist? It's like, yeah. When they say a God-fearing man, what does that mean? God-fearing man? Yeah, you know they put that narrative. Fear God. You're supposed to fear God?

That's a brand. Is it like no fear. No, it's like a respect So when they say I'm a God fearing man, yeah, that means you could you it's more like a sign like a God respecting They should change this verse. Yeah, probably that's most similar to what you're talking about Yeah, because when they say you a God fearing man's like no, you're not scared of him Well, no fear is such an intense word got meaning like I respect that that yeah Yeah, the weight of the of the thing but that's funny cuz like like somebody that wasn't religious like what is this? It annoys me. Yeah, the weighted words of religion sometimes are I think what I have what I always had a problem with when I was a kid Yeah, like that they were that they were and I'm not like above you or like yeah, you're not yeah

No, yeah, and you know this I've said this to you. I'm not it was like above you or like yeah you're not yeah no yeah and you know this i've said this to you i'm not um i always respected your religious beliefs and i always because i'm not religious i'm spiritual yeah big difference in my opinion yeah i've become more christian but less less religious yes i become way i religion has no no bearing in my life yeah but spirituality really does i I'll tell you this. I'll be honest with you. That I have always had a deep affection for you and was prior to my cancellation

nervous to come on this podcast. Why? Nervous. That's why you ducked me last time I tried to get you on. Yeah. What was it? Like all of this.

I had an image. That's why I'm saying I had an image to... Oh, you were afraid it? Like all of this. I had an image. That's why I'm saying I had an image to... Oh, you were afraid to get in front of this stuff. Ah, probably. And the way I talk. But I was also drinking heavily. Because I cuss and I'm pretty... Yeah.

I get that. Yeah. Like, do you think your audience will see this and have their opinion changed about you or you think this is who you are, you don't care? No, overly, overwhelmingly supportive. You hope. I know. I know. You don't know how they feel about redheaded people well yeah that's true yeah right you said some things that were racially problematic but other who's the who's the guy that did quoted 50 cent and dropped the n-bomb in the middle of the show you not me

and referred to black comedy and all that stuff man let's just rewind the tape rewind the tape but now but so you say So you're saying you gotta... I go, man, I would love to come on here and talk about our story, man. It makes me emotional when I talk about it. Well, because it was a long road coming, too. And I go, I don't want to... What if...

What if what? If a church sees this... Right. And is like, we don't want to... And at the time, I was... They drink booze in church it's like, we don't want to. And at the time I was, they drink booze in church. Yeah. But they,

but you don't say, you don't say it. See, this is my problem. This is kind of like a family member of mine has cancer and we don't say the word cancer. Yeah. We're saying C. Yeah.

Why? It's real. It's a true thing. Yeah. God knows about this. Yeah. You're not going to hide this from God. Yeah.

And that's what, but I was so like what was i ultimately scared that they were gonna take from me not money i have plenty of that what they were gonna take i was the man i was the man in there yeah and they were gonna if i was scared to for that to be now i'm not you know what i'm saying yeah no of course i'm scared to for the thing my thing to be taken from me. What is your thing now? Well, it was comedy and being the man. But what is it now, now that you've found perspective?

Probably still is. Oh, really? But less. Less so? Yeah, because I go, I can't imagine living without. I told my mother, she quoted me that when she came to visit me at rehab, I told her if I lost stand-up comedy, I would kill myself. Apparently, when I was very unhealthy.

Do you still feel that way? Absolutely not. Right now, if you stop stand-up, you're good. I came to the point that I thought I was gonna. But let me tell you this. What if I ripped away all your finances and you didn't have any money left, and if I took stand-up away from you right now,

would you still be okay? Yes. Because your life is fulfilled anyway. That's a healthy place to be. That would be a bummer. It would be a huge bummer. No shit. But it wouldn't.

But you'd continue on. Yeah. What are you doing if you're not doing stand-up? I'm playing golf. Not professionally. No. Not when you're a 10. But there's a lot of joy.

Not when you're a fucking 10. Yeah. I like to go to the races. You're not at a 10. I'm 11.2, I think, currently. Index? Yeah. Not good.

That's okay. Yeah. But there's a lot of playing with my nephews, hanging with my family. Just being a human. Being a human. And that's all we did in rehab, because they didn't know, no one knew anything about anybody. Well, because you can't, right? No.

They go, what's up, dude? What are you about? And you're like, well, do you want to play ping pong? Did you make any long-lasting friendships in there? I talk with them every day. You do? Every day. And your sponsor? We went to hell together, dude. Right. Hell. What about your sponsor? Yeah, Les. You don't talk with him every day. You do? Every day. And your sponsor? We went to hell together, dude. Right. Hell. What about your sponsor? Yeah, Les.

You don't talk to him or her that much? No. Is it a man? Yeah. You would. Is it a white guy? Yeah. You would, you big ass. What do you mean?

Get a POC sponsor, bud. Come on, dude. Yeah, but he's like... Sponsor of color. But we were in rehab, and he was like, hey, real quick, let's all circle up. Bad things are going to keep happening.

I just talked to my friend Beth about this today. Death, not getting jobs. Yeah. That is forever. Oh, that stuff's never going to stop, yeah. But if you live and die on that, tough way to live. Yeah. Tough way to live.

You just got to know that there's a drop when there's an up. Yeah, but when you get, when you have, remember when you, at the beginning of Instagram, when you had nine likes, it would list every person. Yeah. And then when it switched to 10, it just said 10 likes. That was it, dude. When you switched over to 10. Is that where you're at it's the same drug sure as 10 million views same thing what's your highest amount of views on the internet

probably 50 million on what video on a video called uh lady that has a bible verse for every situation wow 50 million yeah that's insane it's a lot of people it's a lot of human beings called Lady That Has a Bible Verse for Every Situation. Wow. 50 million. Yeah. That's insane. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of human beings. A lot of people, yeah.

That's hard to imagine. Think about how much power that is. Keep going, dude. Keep going. Think about that. Now, what do you mean? Think about the detriment of that, too. Yeah, 100%. So what you say kind of means something sometimes.

Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, you feel that. means something sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, you feel that. That's tough. That's okay. Because you're like, I'm just being a guy. I'm just saying something funny. Yeah.

And then people are like... Yeah, but I believe in it. You ever had somebody be like, hey, I... You could start a church. Cult, probably. Don't say that word. No. You could start a church.

People have told me that. The John Chris Church? Yeah, that makes me nervous say that word. No. You can start a church. People have told me that. The John Chris Church? Yeah, that makes me nervous. That makes me nervous. Well, it wouldn't be as... It's easy to like shuck... It wouldn't be a good church. No, 100%.

It's easy to like shuck responsibility, I think, when you're a... Ah, just a comic, dude. Ah, it's a comic. Yeah, but you have... But a lot of people hear you. Yeah, you had to look your demons in the eye. And that's tough. You ever think so many people listen to you that you should probably read more books?

Yes, all the time. I can feel that in you. Oh, that I should be. When was the last time you read a book? Last week. What was it? It was called Four Agreements. Oh, yeah, of course I do.

That's going around. That's like a rehab book. It's going around. A lot of people are reading that. Rogan told me to read that when I was on his show. The War of Art. I wish there was a better way for books. That you don't have to sit and read them.

Oh, I can't. That's the only way. You know what? Listen to them. Audio tape. It doesn't connect. Go for a run and put it in your head. That's a good idea. Yeah. How long are you going to run for? Two hours? Huh? Are you going to run for two hours? Well, you run one day then you run the next day. Oh, and then keep it all. Yeah, you don't have to. Do you finish a book in one sitting? day and then keep it all yeah you don't have to you finish a book in one sitting look at you got books right here no i don't finish a book i read all those oh you're saying like if i'm if you're the leader

you should be leading these people to a better place no i'm just saying it's it's interesting to think how many people do listen to you because what i say what we say sometimes people they take it so literal yeah yeah us joking about ikea i've gone i'm kidding i've gone over this three times yeah me joking about the person drinking in the airport in the morning yeah i don't care that they do that yeah not don't care no i don't care i just we just made a little i just made a little tiff about it we're just doing a thing right but when but when somebody's gonna catch me drinking in the airport at 8 a.m and i post it. I'm going to catch you. But when we get in trouble, we just say, ah, we're doing a thing. But we want...

You want everyone in America to listen to this podcast every day. Not every day. Yes, you do. Not every day. That seems intensive. Well, I have like... Once a week. I have like...

So if I do announce a show, and somebody says, I want to drive five hours to see that. That always impresses me. I wish I cared about something that much. Don't you? I do. I wish, like. I do.

I got on a plane and came to that city and sacrificed my time and with my family and friends. So I do care about it. Like, when somebody says I drove five hours to see you, I used to go, that's nuts. Wow, I can't believe they did that and now i go no because i got on a fucking plane yeah in an airport i don't want to be at i'm here too and like i i made the great effort to come and they had to drive far and it's a mutual respect so i give them the best show i can and then but i used to think yes but if it's like tricky when like, you want the people to be like, not obsessed with you, but like, to value you.

But then people take it too far, you know, and I've got... Oh, you have a stalker? Yeah, I have a couple and they're like, yeah. Guys or girls? Women. Only women? Mm-hmm. You know, I see, I know I would have a male stalker.

Yeah. I can just feel it in my bones. Yeah. He's like, everything you say I love. Mm-hmm. You know, I see, I know I would have a male stalker. Yeah. I can just feel it in my bones. Yeah. It's, but... He's like, everything you say I love. Ha-ha! Can I lick your nose? You know.

So, but you want people to, to... But then you're like, because you just, you just... You misunderstood, you took this too, like, someone's like, come to the meet and greet, sure, but then they were like, knocking on your front door. Yeah. You got to keep some distance and separation. Yeah.

Yeah. You want this relationship to be healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want that person that drove five hours. Also, you flew to Toledo Funny Bone. Sure.

They were like, hey, you do your thing. I met you. Be great at it. Right. Say hi. Right. We'll meet there. That's how this whole thing goes.

And that's the dance. But if we go outside and there's somebody waiting by your car, you've took that too far. Sure. And that's happening to you. Well, yeah. Yeah. Get a gun. I have a gun.

Get two guns. I need two. Get two guns. I bought a gun. This is bad. I bought a gun, but I have it in my house and I never shot one. That's not good, right? Jesus Christ.

I know. You've never been in a fight. You've never shot a gun. You you got to get out of nashville you have no business in the south i was like i should go learn how to shoot this a hundred percent but you know the um you know the bible verse david no no yeah you do know he said my rod and my staff they comforted me my rod and my staff they comforted me david we david versus goliath he was out in the field sleeping with with his the sheep roger staff comforted me what is those are those are weapons he slept fine that night because he had his weapons yeah because he goes out of here rumbling the bushes well i got my shit yeah i got my i'm strapped up yeah right that's my justification

for having a gun that's funny funny. But I do sleep. I hear stuff outside. I go, I'm good. Because you got a gun. I'm good. But you never shot it. Never once. Imagine.

And I already, but the results of having a gun paid off on night one. How many bullets in the clip? I have no idea. Oh my God. I don't know. I think. What kind of gun is it? One with a.

One with a? Is that what you said when you bought it? I go. Give me the one with a good bang-bang on it. I need to... I need... Well, I... There was a...

You guys have a bang-boom-boomer? Yeah. Where's the smack-shoot slagger? He goes, what do you need? I go, I just need like a... Boom-bam. And I want one of the... Give me a chick-chack and a boom-bam and a click-clack and a smash-mash.

He goes... All right. He goes, all right. He goes, what are you looking for? I go, you tell me. You tell me. You speak in rapper talk. You go, give me. I go, you shoot it like this.

Give me. But I got it, but it does. Yeah, but I don't have one in my car, though. Get one in your car. You got one? A gun? Yeah. No, man, I got these things, dude. Nah, man. I got these things, dude.

Here we go. I got these things, dude. Real men. I forget what it's like out here. No, I don't have a gun out here. There'd be no need for a gun out here. They're going to get me anyway. If they kill you, they'll kill you.

They're coming for you. They'll kill you. They'll kill you. If a guy's trying to kill you out here, they're going to kill you. Hey, always remember, if you're going to commit suicide, don't let it be in a one-bedroom. That's one of your best jokes. That was one of my old jokes. That's a great joke. Oh, my God. That's a great joke. Do it. Do it. suicide, don't let it be in a one bedroom. That's one of your best jokes. That was one of my old jokes. That's a great joke.

Oh, my God. That's a great joke. Do it. Do it. Don't let them. No, I said. Oh, I'm glad. That's so funny.

That's so long ago. Remember that? I said. I used to say. Oh, I said. I said. I want to get rich because I'm a comedian and I know at some point I'm going to kill myself. Dude, you can't say that.

I did. I said. I said. I want to get rich because I'm a comedian. I know at some point I'm going to kill myself. Dude, you can't say that. I did. I said, I want to get rich because I'm a comedian. I know at some point I'm going to kill myself and I just can't do it in a one bed, one bath because they find you right away.

That's what I said. They find you right away. So they go, oh, there he is. They walk in. They go, there he is. Let's go to lunch. You want him to like... No, I want them to find me

in one of my wings of my home. That was so gross. That's an absurd bit. So dark, but it was a fun bit. But everybody, if everybody, back to how we started. Yeah, let's go back. It's impossible to do this. Well, not the podcast.

This is just two idiots talking. But to have a career. Now, people can come and go. And people are like, oh, this guy. We're all going to come and go. Everybody. Yeah. If you wake up, and you're doing comedy, I don't care if you're on a cruise ship, if you're in colleges, or if you're doing eight nights. There's that guy down at the Comedy Magic Club that does, like, PowerPoints.

I don't know who that is. And he murders. I never go down there. He just does, like, he's like the corporate. He wears khakis. Mm-hmm. Kills. There should be a 9 a.m. call.

Every comic. Dude. Congrats. Oh, you know the guy from Back to the Future? What's that guy's name? Biff from Back, Sure.

Tom Wilson. Oh, the actor. Yeah, he does stand up. Does he? Yeah. No. And we were in Vegas, he goes,

I was the guy, like, I was the idiot in high school. The idiot that didn't. And all my friends now go, how did that guy get around the system? Pretty impressive. Your Wednesday afternoon, what were you doing? Today? Playing golf. Yeah.

I remember driving home one night. But I had to. I was forced. Okay, yeah. It was for a corporate thing. Yeah but i had to i was forced okay yeah yeah it was for a corporate thing yeah you had to get a to get a show yeah i remember driving home one night and it was like five o'clock i go what is all this traffic and i go oh yeah people are coming home from work yeah they're working oh yeah they're working they're working yeah they have adult lives so you're saying be appreciative of what we've got. And every comic, there's comics that are like, one of my, Aaron Webber just got. Yeah, I love Aaron.

Just for laughs. Kill it. And I go, freaking. Amazing. Let's go, dude. Yeah, that's amazing. Let's go. He deserves it.

He's hilarious. Yes, and we're like, dude, why can we not, like you said, you're thrilled for me when I'm successful. I feel the same about you. I love celebrating other people's things, man. If I know ya. And you know how much comic to comic that means. Yeah, of course, yeah. When you say, dude, I love this bit.

Yeah. Means way more. Oh my God. Because you're a peer of mine. Well, yeah. And you just go down to, at the club, open mic, and I really,

dude, awesome set. Love that joke about, just. Yeah, it means a lot. Yes, dude, it means the world.

You support each other more. You just, just. Yeah, we should. I don't know, are there a lot of comics listening to this podcast? Yeah.

You're allowed to say. No. No, but there's some like insider comedy podcast. Sure, of course. This is bigger than that No no no I'm saying I don't know if a lot of comics

Listen to the podcast But a lot of people Are interested in the world Of comedy and comedy Yeah I was interested in getting you On the show because I think your story is good

And we're two unlikely friends Like your world And my world Are very different Yeah Right And so I think it's nice That we've connected and

stayed close over all these years we went our own way but we still always stay close we always texted and always hit each other up i'll that means a lot i'll tell you why that it i'll tell you why it meant so much to me when that that when that when you that thing of that pilot for me because i and this is this is coming through therapy and rehab or whatever as a cop as a as a kid i was very i tell the story about i was i was like riding my bike one day at the library and my bike got stolen my bike got stolen right and i had to walk home and i was crying and all this stuff and I walked into my house and I remember my, my, everybody making fun of me. Your family? Yeah. That's funny. Like my, my bike got stolen. Like, oh, what a, dude, I don't appreciate laughing at that. What a bad person. Dude, your family's funny. Yeah. But they were like,

everybody's making fun of me. Yeah, of course. That's hilarious. And, and, and I remember I was homeschooled first to eighth grade. Very, very. We can tell. Yeah, of course. That's hilarious. And I remember I was homeschooled, first to eighth grade. Very, very... We can tell. Yeah. Thank you, dude. And then I went to school, and I was alone. I didn't...

They were like, you got to get a book cover. And I was like, I don't know what a... I was a kid. I don't know what a book cover is. Right. Or like, I would get bullied, and I would like... I don't... My parents, I love them to death, and they would do anything for me, and they have shown up for me.

But they were busy. They were doing, and like you would, like people would get cut from teams or get not picked or get not. And I think all I really ever wanted, well, if I get in trouble with somebody, I go, hey, dude, don't talk about him like that. That's my guy. Somebody to back you up. Somebody to just get, I was one of eight and nobody, I was on my own. I was always on my own. Trying to figure out life.

Trying to figure out living on my own. Trying to figure out going to college. No one helped me. Right. No one. Right. And you go, I was like, I'm very unsure about, I want to be successful.

I want to be on this TV show. You said that. You said that. I think you very much said those words. You go, I really want to do this. I really want to do this show.

I don't want to be successful so bad, but I go, I don't want to, and you go, hey, like, he doesn't have to stand up. I'm going to,

I got him. Yeah, I was like, you don't have to do the baby. I don't know, and that meant, it might not mean so much to someone else that didn't have those experiences. But all I think I ever wanted was somebody to be like, hey, getting beat up or something to go, hey, no more.

You're not talking about him like that. Wow. And I can do it for myself as an adult now. But when you're like, gosh, that was like, hey, that producer that produced all that stuff, it was like a, and you went to him. And he goes, he's not doing it. Because I kind of at the beginning said that I didn't want to do it because I knew it was coming.

And they said they were going to fire you. And they go, well, yeah, we'll talk when it comes to it. And you go, nope, I'm going. I said he's not going to do the bit. And I don't know why he did that for me. Because I love you. I loved you, I'm going. I say he's not going to do the bit. And I don't know why he did that for me. I guess I love you. I loved you before I knew you. I tell that,

that, that you do, that you do, like Bo Burnham has that bit in his like, I'm doing for you guys tonight at the show what I can't do for myself.

That I can never really do for myself. Right. Which is like, I'm trying to give people at your show yeah that i know how i know how much it's a joke we're just telling like stupid jokes about but it's not a joke no it's dead it's life and death it's great it's life and death yeah it's godlike in that sense it is yeah yeah you diminish it to oh, you just do a joke about wiping the table down.

You don't understand what's happening. No, it makes people feel wonderful. You're not understanding what's happening here. Well, let me tell you, I am happy that that connected for you, even today. Yeah. That our friendship then that was blossomed and continued today and that reflects on you because you came a long way and you could have gone down a road of being into your own stuff and then I think you stayed

super humble and I think it's great. You're like, I'm not going to let your career, I'm not going to let you, your career come down on this pilot. You're going to have to burn that down on your own. You'll do that later in a couple years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll text you. Listen, baby boy, I love you. I'm glad you did this. Look in that camera right there.

That one straight ahead and we end the episode the same way. You say one word or one phrase to end the this. Look in that camera right there. That one straight ahead. And we end the episode the same way. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode. That's what is going to be locked in forever. One word or one phrase when you're ready. Right in there. One word or one phrase? One word or one phrase.

Okay. Most people do a phrase. Yeah. Most people don't do a word. I got it. Some people have some great phrases. No pressure. You can say whatever you want want but whenever you're ready right

in that can i say andrew santino whiskey ginger then say it or i just say no you just say say just one word or one phrase to end the episode go ahead look in and do it i got your back in here we pour whiskey you are that creature in the ginger beard sturdy ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers