Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - John Goblikon (Dave Rispoli)

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

You’ve never seen a podcast guest like John Goblikon—goblin, metalhead, author, and host of the wild ride that is Right Now with John Goblikon. In this chaotic and hilarious episode, Andrew Santino dives deep into goblin wisdom, heavy metal madness, and what it’s like being the face (and snout) of Nekrogoblikon. They talk about fame, failure, touring as a mythical creature, and why John thinks humans are barely functional. It’s comedy, chaos, and a little bit of therapy—with a goblin. 🎙 Don’t miss John’s podcast: Right Now with John Goblikon 🔥 Subscribe for more weird and wild convos every Friday! #JohnGoblikon #WhiskeyGinger #RightNowPodcast #AndrewSantino #Nekrogoblikon #ComedyPodcast #MetalComedy #GoblinTalk #FunnyInterview #PodcastClips #Goblikon ================================================================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BETTER HELP 10% OFF YOUR 1ST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey ZOC DOC BOOK LOCAL DOCTORS https://zocdoc.com/whiskey PXG GET 20% OFF YOUR ENTIRE ORDER! https://pxg.com/whiskeyginger KICKOFF GET YOUR FIRST MONTH FOR $1 https://getkickoff.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, WCGinger fans? Welcome back to the show. Got a good one for you today. It's John Goblegun. The Goblin is here, baby. The big gob dog. Gob, gob, gob, gob, gob. So stoked to have this dude. So funny. Also, I'm doing a couple of dates. May 22, 23, Edmonton and Winnipeg.

Edmonton and Winnipeg. Where are you? Come see your dude. Edmonton and Winnipeg. Go to andrewsantino.com. Go com go to Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets also July 18th and 19th Bobby Lee and I me and the noodle the dumpling king we're gonna be in London and Dublin so go see us at badfriendspod.com Andrew Santino dot com Edmonton and Winnipeg don't know when I'll be back check me out that's enough rambling let's go to the episode.

In here we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. the episode. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on the other side of the room. This is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Thursday. They're probably my guest, but I mean it once again. Today, it's John Goblokan. The goblin himself. From the depths of hell. Rosita. Rosita.

Yeah, that's right. Rosita, California, here in the valley. That's what it says on the sign when you drive up to it Thank you so much for being on the show here I'm just so happy to be mr. Podcast this is the reunion everyone's been asking for yeah cones back there Cones back there and mr. Podcast is right here. Yeah, and I'm with the Goblin himself. I didn't know you're a Air Max guy like those nights. I'm getting up there at age. Yeah, you really are You're gonna transition to what?

307 now. 307? Yeah, so we're in there. Wow. Yeah. You've been around for a long time. Yeah, I have. What's been going on in your life recently?

Since I last saw you, I did your show in the bowels of downtown Los Angeles. That's right. And you told me you had a lot going on. So what's been happening with you? Well, I mean, my podcast is now the number one comedy podcast in America. Bigger than Kill Tony.

Oh, definitely. Wow. Very big. No need to Google it. It's huge now. Yep. Wow. What's your average downloads?

17 or 18. At least. 17 or 18. 17 or 18. Yeah. Thousand million. 17 or 18 people and they'll watch it and like comment on it and stuff like that. So they're-

Wow, okay, great. Yeah. That sounds good. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. What about your personal life? Is everything going good there? Oh! Great.

So I'll tell you this. The last time we did Hangout, I will say there was a little tension, little, you know, the internet picked up on it. They felt like maybe you and I were going against each other. And I'm here to tell everybody it was real. Yeah, that was absolutely real. I do not like you, I don't wanna be near you.

I did this only because your producer reached out. What's his name? Phineas or Magius or the Swedish kid or the- I think it is Phineas. Phineas? Yeah. Johannes. Oh, Johannes.

Johannes. Yeah, whatever that dummy's name is. Italian. He's Italian. Yeah. Well, he reached out and said, you know, can you put the goblin on your show? And I said, maybe, I don't know.

Well, it would mean a lot for us over here at the goblin headquarters to have him on your show. And I said, I don't understand a word you're saying, but I'll do whatever you wanna do, I guess. And that's so funny because he said to me, in that weird kind of voice, he was like, derby, derby, derby, derp. And I was like, see a Tito?

And he was like, gerby, gerp. And I said, oh, I'm gonna do numbers. Well then, I'll do it. But only because it's gonna do numbers. That's the only reason why we're doing this. Yeah. Because we're doing numbers, baby. We're doing numbers.

Speaking of numbers, I did hear that you took a big, big hit because of Trump's tariffs. So are you, is your bank accounts okay? I mean, I lost it all, Santino. I mean, I've been sleeping. You're big in the market, right? You've invested heavily in the market. Oh, I was deep in theito. Hmm. I mean, I've been sleeping. You're big in the market, right? You've invested heavily in the market. Oh, I was deep in the market.

Yeah. And now I'm sleeping in a Waymo. You are. Yeah. It just goes around all the, do they ever take a break, the Waymos? It's kind of like squatting rules. Like they won't, they can't kick you out.

How could they? Yeah, exactly. There's nobody there. Yeah, they're just like a little voice that's like, oh sir, please get out. It's like, I don't think so, you know? It's like, I know you're gonna go to sleep at some point. Right. And then I will go to sleep.

Right. Yeah. We all need rest. They, I mean, they don't have the time. How many hours a night do you sleep? Me? Yeah. Three to four minutes. Three to four minutes. Yeah, yeah.

That's all you need? Me? Yeah. Wow. Are you... John? Alright! And there, today's sleep is done! That's it, that's all you need to keep going. Oh yeah! What about you? You look like you need some sleep, C.F. Tito. Alright, you know, that's... and I knew you were gonna say something like that.

No, no, no! You're gonna drive bags under my eyes? I mean... I can tell you what. Southwest wouldn't let you on with those things. They'd be like, you gotta check those in. You gotta pay for them now. You gotta check those in. You gotta pay for them now.

Yeah, what's the deal with that, Santino? I don't know, I don't fly Southwest. Guys like you fly Southwest. You don't fly Southwest? No, I don't, you booger. What are you flying these days? Jet Suede X? Is that what you're doing?

I'll tell you what I'm flying. Yeah. I'm an ambassador of a new airline. Are you really? Yeah. Avelo. Oh, wow. Let me cut to my own commercial. Okay.

Here at Avelo Airlines, we want to take you around the world to all the places that you dream about going. You want to go to sandy beaches? Avelo got you. You want to go to the middle of California? Avelo got you. You want to go somewhere on the East Coast? Avelo gonna make you stop five to seven times. Avelo! Come on, let's fly. Alright, now I got a new one for Southwest now.

Okay, yep. Uh, hey, it's Southwest. You want to pick your seat? Nope. You want a free bag? Nope. Uh, you want to sit next to some creepy guy who's gonna mouth breathe on you and ask you a bunch of questions your whole flight? Southwest.

Perfect. Very good. Yeah. I feel like I'm going to get a sponsorship or something. I doubt it, but I do think it is something you have to keep trying. I mean, you're somebody who is, you know, look, you're out there in the public eye. You're a famous figure now, I guess. You know, if you could choose your sponsors to come along for this ride, who would you really want to sponsor you and your show? Oh man.

Cause I know you don't have a lot of sponsors right now. No, we don't have any sponsors. Yeah. Yeah. I guess like Candy. Are we talking Mars? Like Eminem? No, just like the brand, Candy?

Candy the brand. Yeah, Candy. Just blanketed candy. Yeah, soda, chips. Those are the three companies I'm most interested in. I feel like that's where the money is. I think we should transform that. Maybe you should get a deal from Crest,

maybe Scope, Colgate. So like the company toothpaste. The company toothpaste, yeah. Yeah, see, that's, I would love, I mean, if toothpaste is listening, I would love to have toothpaste. Right. Yeah. Do you use it? Toothpaste?

Yes. Nope. No. No. Is it toxic for you or something? I. Nope. No. Nope. Is it toxic for you or something? I just don't like the taste. Yeah, you don't eat it though. You just put it in your mouth and spit it out.

Are you swallowing it? You don't... McCoy, did you hear that? He's like, you don't eat the toothpaste. Sounds like a guy who's never had toothpaste before. You know what I mean? You eat the toothpaste. Yeah.

That's why they put it in a tube. Oh. So what are you allergic to? What? What are you allergic to? What am I allergic to? Because when I'm allergic to you, I feel like I might be allergic to you right now.

Yeah, that happened last time you came in, you were like all like, ooh, my. Yeah, I'm itchy when I see you. Yeah, you were like, my allergies. Yeah. You were doing that. Yeah. Yeah, I remember, I ran into Cientino the other night when his allergies were flaring up.

I was walking down this alley, he was like scratching himself. He's like, come on, come on, hey, hey, hey, hey, man, do you know where I can get some? And I was like, he's like, he's really itching himself, you know what I mean? And his eyes were like, what do you call it when it's like they're kind of like rolled back,

but they're also the pupils are like, whoa, they're like, you know, solar systems. And he's like, he's like, my allergies, you know, he's like rolled back, but they're also the pupils are like, whoa, they're like solar systems. And he's like, he's like, oh, allergies, you know, he's like, please man, you know. And was that, I think that was the first time we kissed. It was the first time we kissed. Yeah. Yeah. And that'll be the last time.

Yeah. That's why I suggested the toothpaste. Okay. Or, hey. How are you doing in the dating scene, by the way? In the dating scene? I have a good girlfriend of mine mine match with you on Raya. Yes!

She reached out to you and then you never hit her back. What was that about? And she's beautiful. We'll put a picture of her right here for the fans at home. She's gorgeous. And you just decided to not hit her back? She wrote, hey Gob, big fan, would love for you to take me out and take me down.

Yeah. And nothing. Guess what? What? She's gonna text me back. No, she won't. She's gonna text me back. No, she will not.

Yeah, she's gonna. That's how it works, man. I watched a show with this guy, and he said, this is how you get the ladies. I read his whole book. Who's the guy? What was that guy's name? He's got a big hat, he's got long hair. Chris Angel.

Oh, the Angel. Yeah. So he said that's the guy to dating. Yeah, he was like, trust me, man, this is what you do. And you followed. Yeah. So, okay, well, I won't make any more moves within that. I was gonna help you out.

I was trying to connect you guys. If you got somebody, and please, like whoever, honestly, like I'm open to dating now, you know? Yeah. Now that I got my podcast, so like, I mean, you know. What do you got to podcast? Yeah, I know about podcasts. Yeah, I do them.

You got a few podcasts. I'm Mr. Podcast. That's right, you're Mr. Podcast. I heard you got another podcast now? Yeah. Another one. Yeah. You gonna have me on that one?

No. It's called No Bad Lies, though. Mm-mm. And I have a bad one. I could talk for days about. It's called No Bad Lies. No bad lies? And unfortunately you tell a litany of bad lies.

That's kind of your thing is telling bad lies. So you gotta have me on. No, no, we want none. Oh, I see. Yeah. Also you don't golf. Are you a golfer? I've. Yeah. Also you don't golf. Are you a golfer? Uh, I've downloaded links. What do you do for fun?

I usually... okay, I get a little crazy. I like to kind of like come home from work, crack open the fridge, crack open 14 or 15 beers. 14 or 15 beers? Yep. Sit in front of the the TV put on the old, you know, BBT BET big bank theory. Oh, yeah, I'm just cruising through You know ripping through the yeah ripping through these episodes, right? Yeah, and And then like I'll Go off for a second. I'll come back and then I'll go to work I'll go to work. You know what I mean? It'll be like Monday through Friday.

It'll work like a bunch of hours. Right. You know, I'm in the office, you know, working. Yeah, I know what that is. And then like I get off on Friday. You know what I mean? And I'm like, I guess I'm gonna get crazy again.

So like, it's kind of like that kind of thing. Where do you work? I'm an insurance salesman. Yeah. You do insurance? Life insurance. Oh, that's right. I forgot about work? An insurance salesman, yeah. You do insurance? Life insurance. Oh, that's right.

I forgot about that. Which by the way, Santino, see the way you're living your life, have you thought about? Are you trying to sell me a policy on my podcast? I mean, I'm just saying, like, it's inevitable. You know what I mean? What is?

Living the way you do, fast and loose. That I'm gonna die? Yeah. Oh, you think you're immortal? Oh, I'm so sorry. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-break a news. Andrew Santino thinks he's immortal. Do you think you're immortal?

Immortal? Immortal? A moron? You're a moron. I'm a moron. No, do you think you're immortal? I don't think I'm immortal, no. I just think I can't die

That's what that is You're 310 years old at least I'm not sure I don't have a birth certificate Santino I don't know. Do you not remember anything from your childhood? I Mean, there are some images and they're not so good. Well, let's talk about him cut to soft music, please go They're not so good. Well, let's talk about him. Cut to soft music, please. Go. OK, well, I guess today I'm an open book, so whatever. You know, just kind of ask me and I'll tell.

Did your father ever hit you? When you say hit, you mean like? Strike you with his fists or body or arms, legs. Did he kick you? Did he punch you? Did he throw you through a window? Has you toss you on a flight of stairs he would use other people's bodies to hit me so your father would kill another another person rip their dismember them and use their limbs to hit you right yeah and how did that make you feel? Um, at the time it made me, when it would hit me, I feel like I would feel sleepy and I'd feel confused.

Um. No, no, no. How did it make you feel inside? In your heart and in your mind? Alone. Alone. Yeah. Yeah. And we need to get rid of those feelings because you're better than that. You're a beautiful person. On the inside. You're beautiful on the inside.

Remember that. What's in here is gorgeous. The shell, the outer layer, it's just stuff. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Right, like take your apartment for example. From the street view, it's very ugly. It's taupe. You know, the stucco is falling down.

There is no sealant on the doors or the windows. Air seeps through constantly. That's right, yeah. But what's inside? What's inside, John? Ants no John no, what's inside is a warm loving home that people can come to and see the road I don't like people coming over to like that. I don't really like to have people over by it's like I've got a nice base things like you're shattered for life, and I don't think there's a way to fix this

I'm not gonna lie. All right. Let's move on all right. Hey No bad lies, you know no no, yep. No, you're watching no bad. No, you're watching whiskey ginger No, and that's not Four okay. All right. Sorry. We got to talk about these 14 to 15 beers I don't think it's a healthy way to live every day. Oh, yeah, says the guy with, uh, 27... bottles of whiskey over here. Yeah, but I'm not drinking them every day, John. You were drinking them before I got in here.

Yeah, so? You said, I need to get my taste of each one before I'm funny. And I was like, that's it. Well, clearly I haven't tasted enough. Yeah. Because I'm not doing anything funny right now. Because I'm trying to have a serious conversation with my old friend, and here you are, razzin' it up for the cameras again.

Turn on the cameras, and he turns and he does this whole bit. Why don't we tell the truth? We've been friends for 20-some odd years. We're very close. You play this card because you're against me because I rose to a little bit of pod fame. You hate that I do pods. You're, you know, you call me Mr. Pod, and then you talk on our text stream with our friends, you talk shit about me, and I'm on the text stream.

We were supposed to be good friends. Yeah, we're supposed to be. We were supposed to do good friends. Yeah, we're supposed to do good friends. We were supposed to do the pod, it was called Good Friends, you and I had a pact. That's right. I had a little web series show, you came on it and I was like, dude, there's something here, man.

But then what really happened? Why don't you tell the fans what really happened, why we didn't continue to do a pod together? Go ahead. You want to make drama? Let's make drama. Oh, boy. What's the, oh, get ready to go. You slept with my wife, dude.

Here comes the clip. You slept with my wife. Here comes the clip. Well, you slept with my wife. You slept with my wife. What do you want me to do? Start a show with you now? But it was only three to four minutes.

It doesn't matter. The timing is not the thing. That's all it takes for me to sleep. Look dude, I caught you laying down next to my wife. Yes. She was wide awake watching TV, you were sleeping right next to her. That's not cool dude. Any guy on the internet would say that they wouldn't want their friend sleeping right next to their wife.

I mean, that's because they're insecure. Like, if you're secure... Okay, I'm insecure then. Fine. You're calling me insecure. Fine, I am. That's what I'm saying. Well, that's why we don't have a show together. Because I'm Mr. Insecure and you're Mr. Too Secure. You're way too secure.

All right, what about this? You walk around all day. I'm the hot goblin. You think you're... Like, now because of the pod, you're Mr. Hot Goblin. We go into restaurants He literally goes hot gob is here and he waves around his arm and girls come Oh goblins here goblins here meals on the house blah blah blah, you know, and you love to show off You didn't used to be that way

That's all I'm saying. I Was always a good dancer. I Always would that's how I enter every room all the time. Not when we were younger you didn't. It doesn't matter. I don't want to like keep this train. Let's get back to something regular and normal and monotonous that the fans can just listen to. All right, let's start recording then, McCone. Press record, McCone. Yeah, let's press record. Let's start from the top then, fine. This is the energy you want to start with. Let's start with, here we go., let's press record. Let's start from the top there, fine. All right. This is the energy you wanna start with. Let's start with, here we go.

Hey, I'm here with Goblin. That's not gonna be Mr. Podcast. I'm here with the Gob. Wow. And you do it again. See, why are you going back to Mr. Podcast? We just said we're gonna switch the energy in the room. So cut it out.

Let's take it. You want me to do, you want me to just start it like that with you? Actually, can I? I'm here with Mr. Gangrene. Okay, okay. Here we go. Is that what you want? No, I... I'm here with Mr. Gangrene. Okay, okay. Here we go.

Is that what you want? No, I... I'm here with Mr. Frostbite himself. From the barrels of the swamp down below. Get it out of your system. Get it out of your system. You guys know when you go fishing, you catch that one fish and you're like, holy shit, I gotta throw this back.

We can't cook this or eat this or even sell this. Pfft, that's you. That's you, bottom feeder. A bull head. Oh, you guys know when you like have someone that you like really like freaking love and trust and then you're kind of like oh we gotta have like a fun comedic dynamic like we should create a show

together you know like a spinoff show we call it Good Friends and they're like oh for sure man here's a handshake you got it let's start the pot on Monday and then they just meet someone else who kind of very much resembles you and they're like oh we're gonna do a pot it's gonna be called Bad Friends, we're gonna switch one word and then he can't sue us. You guys remember when you- I dare you to sue me, by the way. I told you, I said, let's go to court. I would love to take you to court.

I don't- You dress like you're there every day. This is the new thing too with you. Once you got a little bit of money, he's always wearing like, you're like Steve Harvey. You have custom suits now, ties built just for the gob. That's a gob tie. They just don't make my size, dude.

They just don't make my size. Oh really, dude? You go to that Italian tailor, I've taken you there. Geobodies? Yeah, G-O-Vs, G-O-Bodies, yeah. He has the best stuff, man. Not everything fits a hunk, man. But here's the deal. I think the fans need to know the truth

You're spending a thousand dollars on custom ties and everybody's like oh poor goblin. He doesn't have any money doesn't resources thousand Maybe in our 2017 pal a thousand you're spending more than that. No, I mean come on look at this thing Crease it's got eight or nine creases in it. Wow. Yeah. You really have changed, dude.

I mean look, man. What are you driving now? What are you getting around town in? The Waymo. You sold your Hummer? Yeah, it's gone. Why? I want someone to drive me.

You want someone to drive you at all times? Yeah. Because you used to have a driver drive you down times because you used to have a driver people people Don't know he used to have a driver full-time driver You know I have stretch limousine. It was so now I do have a driver Right, but they're not really there. It's the computer. Well his name's laptop or whatever his name is but yeah, he drives me right Give me your outlook give me your outlook on the world. I I Don't know I think it's French. A I. So it's A I.

A. A. A. A. Turn left. A. Turn left. Turn left.

I'm a Swedish. Oh no. There is someone in the crosswalk. Doot doot doot doot. Just whoop whoop. Whoop whoop. He's another one. We're just potting the thing, going around and around. Walk Miss you I miss you too, man. Let's get back to our Our old ways, you know for old times sakes for old times sake you and me Yeah, you and me me and you take it over the world. Yeah, like we set out to do

17 years ago. We will. Do you remember when we were on the lake? Do you remember when we were on the lake? Yeah. Laying on that boat. And someone was like, get off our boat! And we were like, easy does it, let's have this.

Yeah, we're just hanging out. We're just a couple guys hanging. We didn't do anything wrong. No, we were just gabbing. But you did. A couple of gobs gabbing. A couple of gobs gabbing? Yeah.

And you did hot wire that boat. Oh, man. That was kinda cool. I got it there with there with my little I've never seen you do anything like that before I just felt It's like what I'm with you. I feel free. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like there's nothing I can't do and so when I was there the boat I just was kind of like I don't know like so it just kind of came over me And I did it and you but you were so supportive Yeah Like, something just kinda came over me, and I did it. But you were so supportive. At that time, you were kinda like, dude, just like figuring out, like find two wires,

cut them, cut them, snip, snip, snip, snip, clip, clip, bang, bang, bang, and then all of a sudden, boom. Yeah, cause I can't go back. No. I mean, my parolee would know. Yeah. So, I'm glad you did it. Yeah.

So here's the lake story is kinda crazy. A friend of ours rented a lake house. We, hot wire to remote, took this boat out there. We met up with this group of girls that was drinking by the shore. I say girls, they were divorces. They were probably in their late 50s, early 60s. I think it was 70s.

70s maybe. Yeah, 70s were in their 70s for sure. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, she had a walker. That's what that was? Yeah, yeah. I thought that's what it was.

I know, you kept commenting on it that night. Yeah. You were like, what was your mini stage? Yeah, I go, look. She's like, I need it to walk. I go, get off your high horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you kept saying that to her. Get off your high horse.

And then that one time you just kicked that woman's cane. Yeah. Yeah, you were like, what is this? What is this? She fell. She's like, my hip, my hip. Kintaro, he just, boom, she just went right over. Yeah, tip.

And then here we are, we're flirting with these ladies, and John goes, I'm gonna pull a prank on him. Yeah, I like to get silly. He's a little prankster. Yeah. He goes, guys, it's a full moon. He runs out on the dock. It's a full moon.

He runs out there, turns around, drops trow, full spread. Yeah. Full spread. Yeah. And he goes, oh! Howling at the moon, baby. Howling at the moon. Howling at the moon, oh man.

They were pissed, they called the cops. Yes, but we were running. We ran as fast as we could. And we were running, we were high tailing it, and my pants were around my ankles, and I was just kind of doing the weird walk, and I fell on the dock, and Centino picked me right up, and he put me right on his shoulders.

Put him on my shoulders? He didn't care. No. And I wasn't wearing anything from the waist down, and I just went right on your shoulders. I was resting right on my neck. Yes! Yeah.

It's really nice. And you're giggly, you're like, it tickles, it tickles, it tickles, it tickles. It tickles, it tickles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we just kind of just,'re like, it tickles, it tickles, it tickles. Well tickles, it does tickle. And we just kinda just, man, we must've ran, well you must've ran. I kept going, yeah, I did for behind.

For a long time. Yeah, for about 20 or 30 minutes straight, I did not turn back. And I'm sorry, I called you the next morning, you were fine, but I had to leave you at some point, your legs are much smaller than mine. Yeah, it's okay. Just stride to stride, it's not hard.

You know, I mean, you were cooking. I was going. You look like a little gazelle. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Junior is brought to you by BetterHelp. I've talked about BetterHelp pretty intensely on this show. Why? Because I believe in speaking to someone about what's going on in your life, okay? BetterHelp really does help, truly.

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What does life look like for you now? It's very busy, like the band, we're going on tour, we're going all across the US, and I'm doing comedy shows now, Santino. You are. I'm doing comedy shows. Where? Comedy places.

Okay, well that's pretty vague. Anything specific? I think it's some of the biggest comedy clubs in America. You like some of the biggest comedy clubs in America. You're doing all the biggest comedy clubs in America. I'm doing Pete's. Pete's? The coffee shop? Yep, I'm doing Pete's. I'm doing something that's like, it's about all the stars play there.

It's like stars and money or something, Starbucks. And then I'm doing Pete's I'm doing Starbucks on the 23rd I just plug my dates just plug them dude plug away I'm doing Pete's I'm doing that I'm doing Seattle's doing a date in Seattle Seattle's best it's like kind of like the best of the best of the of comics okay no Seattle's best and yeah I mean I'll do whatever dark roast, whatever they want me to do. I'll do it, yeah. You're doing a coffee comedy tour?

I'm doing a comedy show at these coffee shops. I come in, they give me an apron. Time out, time out. You got, usually like comics, I feel like when you're first starting, they get like what, five minutes, something like that? Three, maybe. I'm getting like eight hours.

They're giving me like eight hours. Are you You just have a job at a coffee shop and then you think you're doing comedy. Is that what it is? I'm doing stand-up People come in right It's kind of whether it's like shows. It's like I don't there's like a show in like it's like something like something in New York Where it's like it's like it's all around. It's like like theater is everywhere You know, so the people are kind of come in they could come in and they could come out and tell them jokes You know and then they they shout suggestions. You know to me. They're like a grand ice coffee, you know

And you're like, all right, you know, you kind of like you do your thing. You know, you're like They're like just give me my coffee, bro. All right and so I'm just doing kind of like crowd work and stuff like that and You know it seems like there is usually there's like a to drink minimum But here it seems like they could just get like a cake pop and leave so it's kind of like nice for the fans I think you're right no drink minimum. Yeah, well they do have to use the restroom They do usually make them buy something is your microphone attached to your face. Yes, right? Is your microphone attached to your face? Yes, right British beers, right?

Yeah, I think you just have a job at a coffee shop do a comedy. Absolutely. I know it's it's amazing It's like to think of where I was and where I am now. It's like it's really wild So you went from selling insurance and now working to the coffee shop. I do both. I do both, you know, I'll What's it called like unpaid leave? I'll take so I can do my comedy shows. It's the life of an artist. I mean, I'm sure you still have a job job that you're doing while doing comedy. I do. Yeah. Yeah, I'll never give it up.

That's right. And so it's just kind of like one of those things. So I mean, metal shows, comedy, just kind of like blow it up. It's interesting that you're allowed there, because I do know you've been banned from, at least all in the Los Angeles metro area, from all cat cafes.

You're not allowed near cat cafes. Nope. No, why? Yep. What, you, you were eating, you were eating all the pussy at the cafe. Wow. Some things don't change. You were eating all the pussy at the cafe. Wow.

Somethings don't change. No they don't. Somethings don't change man. They certainly don't. But that's, you know, this is kind of like, that was my thing for a while and now I'm kind of doing other stuff. What's the other stuff? I mean I'll, I don't just eat that anymore.

What else do you eat? Whoever, whatever. You know, it's like, I'm just opening my office. It's 2025, man. So you'll eat anybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have you, have you been careful?

I mean, you have to be safe these days. Uh, what do you mean careful? Like, what, like, in 2025, what does that even mean, dude? You know? Are you using utensils? No! You're not using utensils? Nope. I'm going right in. Do you know what's out there? John, this is insanely dangerous. But that's the thing. I don't know what's out there. That's what's exciting to me.

Right. It's like a whole new horizon, dude. Yeah, I guess that's true. What is out there? I don't know, probably don't find out. I mean, I'm worried for you. Yeah. When's the last time you went to a doctor? Went to a doctor to do comedy?

Yeah. It was like a couple months ago, I got a gig booked at a doctor's office as well. How was it? Oh, it was good. I came in, it was kind of a small crowd. You know what I mean? This is kind of like one guy,

but it was kind of like, his suggestions were so stupid. It was kind of, you remember one of those audiences where just like everything they're throwing out, you know what I mean? They're like, oh, what's your diet? You know, what was your last bowel movement? I'm like, next, you know, something else. But like, you know how it is these days.

Everything's crowd work. Everything's crowd work, Santino. It feels like that, doesn't it it yeah, yeah now. Are you gonna be posting crowd work clips online? Yeah? That's what I do. Yeah, that's that's all I'm gonna do from now on no written material. No. I don't I don't really find that part Important writing jokes. Yes. Yeah, that's just kind of a past tense pastime thing. I just feel like The audience is there. audience is there, right? They don't wanna hear, it's like, they don't wanna be like, oh, this guy wrote this.

All right, what a waste. They just wanna be like, look at us, how long have we been married? You know what I mean? It'd rip us. Right, they're like, listen, JD Salinger, we're just looking for somebody fun. Yeah. Yeah. We're looking for have a good night

We're not trying to read a book. No, do you find that now when you're like doing material that it feels like come on Little hacky. Well material is hacky. Yeah. Well, I don't I don't really do stand-up anymore. So I quit stand-up Really? Yeah, I think that's for the best. Yeah, me too. I finished. I did it. You know what I mean? You could only go so far. I went pretty far. You went so far.

Further than we thought. Way further than we thought. Well, what do you think your goals are? You think you're an arena comic? I would like to, I mean, I don't want to like, kind of like just, I see some of the people they're giving arenas to now. I don't want to be a of like just I See some of the people they're given Arita's to doubt. I don't want to be like Shane Gillis I mean, I don't even I gotta be honest. I don't know who that is. You don't know who Shane Gillis is Chappelle oh, I just had Chappelle on my podcast. I love Chappelle He's Chappelle not Chappelle Lacey different different Chappelle, not Chappelle Lacey. Different, different guy.

Dave Chappelle. Never heard of him. Wow. Yeah. Phew. I mean, I feel like you're not connected to the culture at all. Who are some of your favorite comedians?

Geez, man. Favorite comedians. Gary. Goldman? Yes! Funny. Uh, I find like some of the people who perform at the White House, they're pretty funny. Uh, I follow this girl on TikTok.

She does dances. She's very funny. Uh, so maybe I just think it's like... Wait, people who perform at the White House, like J.D. Vance? You see, he's the... Have you ever... have you seen his new stuff? Is it good? It's very good. I think so. A lot of new stuff? Is it good? It's very good, I think so.

A lot of his old stuff wasn't good. It's not good? It's just a little stupid. But he's doing more crowd work now. So much more. And the clips are great. The clips aren't pretty good. The clips are blowing up, the clips are great.

Oh look, you, you're blowing up. Yeah, I mean. You're achieving. See, that's the thing, it's like, now that you've stopped stand-up. Yeah, it's opened up a door for you It's kind of like people are I'm getting kind of some of your offers Really? Yeah, who was last offer you got? Oh, they were like, you know, they were like, hey man What I got pitched this thing? I think was by

people by the code actually texted me was like hey dude like I think it's by McCode actually texted me. He was like, hey dude like You're seen always sunny in Philadelphia. I was like, yeah, I've seen that show. Yeah, he's like some of the people in it be funny They golf What if you did like a golf thing? He was just like pitching me this idea. This is my show. This is what I do. That's my that's my golf show This our golf show This is my golf you're just explaining my you're describing no bad lies my golf show no bad lies You're just describing my golf show no bad lies. That's also on my channel here that we're on wait

I'm I'm just describing no bad lives currently on this YouTube channel that you can subscribe to and watch right now Yeah, 100% you're just describing it and, they can just go watch an episode with someone from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? They could, if they wanted to. Yeah, Charlie Day is on the third episode. Well, he's on my first episode. I think I am going to see you in court. You're going to be there Wednesday?

I'll be there Wednesday morning. Yeah, I have a traffic ticket I have to pay. Well, it'd be it'd be nice to have some consistency. It would be nice to see you. It would be nice to see you. Okay, we'll meet up for breakfast. Great. I would love to do breakfast. Do you want to tell everyone your breakfast order is one of my favorite things when we go out to eat breakfast. Tell them your breakfast order. Oh gosh. It's not it's not weird. It's not weird. It's just it's very you. It's like so you it's ridiculous. utensils This guy will this guy will order like ten spoons It's very you. It's like so you, it's ridiculous. Utensils.

This guy will order like 10 spoons. It's so, I'm not fat shaming. Dude. It's just insane to see you consume that many spoons. They're teaspoons, okay? And they'll all come at once. But you'll get a couple tablespoons to go. I mean, I'll ask for, I'll see if they. But you'll get a couple tablespoons to go. I'll ask for, I'll see if they have any of the plastic ones that they don't need.

It's not like, they're not all like metal or whatever. They are, they're all, yeah, stainless steel. All of them are. I've seen you eat 30 stainless steel items in one sitting. And a half a cup of coffee. They course it out, you know what I mean? It's not like. Not when we go to a diner, they don't. items in one sitting and a half a cup of coffee. They course it out. You know what I mean? It's not like.

Not when we go to a diner they don't. Tito. No, I'm just, it's funny. I'll stop bragging on you. You said, I mean, it's just kind of. Well, I'll tell you what, for your birthday last year, this was tough for me because you wanted to go out somewhere fancy.

I said, where do you want to go? You said, bring me to wherever the Kardashians go. That's what you said. And? Well, I did. I took you, I know. I took you want to go? You said, bring me to wherever the Kardashians go. That's what you said. And? Well, I did. I took you, I know. I took you out to a fancy restaurant. And what did you do there? Oh my God.

What'd you do there? I mean, they had really nice cutlery, okay? It was my birthday. Oh no, no, I'm getting raked over the coals for what I do on my birthday Yeah, you ate an entire platter. Yeah, you ate the platter the physical platter itself They were like they're like what do you want dumped the entire like the seafood tower? He dumped it out and just ate the platter and you guys ate all the seafood. So it seemed like a pretty good

But it's just it was a fun birthday. It was fun. And they brought out my cake and it was on one of those little cake things. And they saw you have the birthday, yeah, and you dismissed the cake, you smacked it away. See, but that was a nice restaurant. It was nice.

Did you use that gift that I bought you? You haven't used it once. I mean, it kinda weirds me out. What do you mean it weirds you out? I think it's listening to me. you mean it weirds you out? I think it's listening to me. You think it's listening to you? I think it's listening to me.

It's a microwave. What do you mean? I don't listen to you. It's one of those things where you got me... Okay, Santino doesn't just get you a microwave. He's like, oh, this is the new... It's a presentation. Yeah, I make a big deal out of it. So what? And what kind of box did it come in? Amazon.

Yeah, an Amazon box. Yeah. And who's listening to us? Who, McCone? Jeff, McCone. Jeff Bezos? He's literally got headphones on. He's listening to us.

Oh, he's listening to us, yeah. You don't know who's listening to us right now? Are you? Have you been listening the whole time? The whole time. Wow. Yeah, see? I told you.

Sorry. I told you. The microwave is not, look, I bought you the nicest microwave I could. Yeah, see? I told you. Sorry. I told you. The microwave is not lit. Look, I bought you the nicest microwave I could. It's got three tiers to it. Exactly. You can multi-heat things.

Yeah, this guy's like, yeah, you can play your music through it. It's got a Bluetooth and all this stuff. It does have a Bluetooth. It's like, yeah, yeah. Why does it have a Bluetooth, Santino? So you can play music while you're waiting for your food to heat up. I think that's pretty logical. That doesn't seem weird.

Wow. It's got wheels on it. You can roll it from different areas of the counter. I thought that's pretty logical. That doesn't seem weird. It's got wheels on it. You can roll it from different areas of the counter I thought that was cool Plus it's got like a little camera on the front of it. Yes That's for you to take selfies of yourself when you're cooking your food to go Yo, what up eating pizza and then you can post it to Instagram. Is that not a good idea? I feel like that was a great idea

Well, I do like that it automatically posts like it posts for you up the content I do kind of like that. My whole life is constantly just being watched. Be on the web. Yeah, all right. I'll use it. I'll use it. Well, guys, grab yourself a Sunbeam Ride the Wave Microwave.

Ride the Wave is the new series. Camera, speakers, Bluetooth, got wheels. It also shrinks down. You can enlarge it, expand it, shrink it down. Click the link here below to get yourself one of those brand new Ride the Wave microwaves. In fact, I think McCode's setting one up right now. I think this is what you're watching.

You're watching this on the front of a microwave. God bless. Wow. I wanna tell you something, bud. Oh. I'm not taking a shot at you, Wow, I Want to tell you something bud, oh Sorry, I'm not taking a shot at you, but when when was the last time you bathed do you think? What's time I bathed and you mean like cleaned yourself washed yourself off using water and soap I

don't really dig I Don't really think you need to do that. You do literally need to do that. You know you need to do that. It's like q-tips What does that mean q-tips? People are always like putting q-tips in their ear if you go to the doctor. They'll tell you your ear will clean itself No, you don't need q-tips. Well your ear will yeah, you shouldn't use q-tips They're bad for you because you're pushing wax and you think it stops there. Yeah, look at this It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do.

It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do.

It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do.

It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. It's not a good thing to do. No, no, no, no. When we were in college, you were doing it. I would wash you, yes, correct, yes. Because some of the girls that would come over would complain and I would go, dude, if you wanna be a good wingman, you know, and you would always be like, I am a wingman, look at these ears. I get it, but that's not funny. It's not funny.

It was fun at the time. Yeah, they would get a laugh. But to be a real good wingman, I would say, John, you gotta bathe and you gotta let me wash your back and wash, you have to wash, and I know you can't reach your feet, but you have to find a way to, you gotta start doing it, dude. I mean, I'll see if my Waymo will go through a car wash

or something like that, you know what I mean? I'll just, I'll see. I guess that's, I mean, if that's at most that you can do, then that'll work. It's just, I just kinda think it's unnatural, you know what I mean? It's like, that's at most that you can do then that'll work. It's just I just kind of think it's unnatural You know, it's like Not the way gob intended, you know, it's one of those things for right, you know I have to let you live and be you I shouldn't try to restrict you. That's it. You're right

I have to let you be you Wow, who's doing your hair lately? By the way, you look like you some it's way more moisturized than it used to be yeah I Now here's the thing I Got here. I was giving him a code compliments. He gave me his new conditioner Oh the the the the dry whether you rub through during the day. Yeah, that does look nice though. Thank you I put that in well, that's nice. I mean it feels Kind of smells like vanilla and cinnamon That's your favorite smells are two favorite smells. What's your third favorite? It goes like vanilla and cinnamon. That's your favorite smells aren't it? That's my two favorite smells. What's your third favorite?

It goes vanilla, cinnamon, and? Cientino's neck. Cientino's neck. Yeah. Why do you love my neck so much? I mean. You bit me a couple months ago and it still hasn't healed and it does hurt a lot. Look man, when we start doing bits.

It wasn't really a bit. I bled for like three hours. We had to go to a bit. I like three hours. We go to the ER. It was a bit. We went to the hospital. Then he's trying to do stand up for the doctor. It was a bit. Well, it was a big bit. Yeah. I took a bit out of your neck and some bits don't work. And that bit didn't do well. Yeah. That one felt a little flat. It was very flat. Yeah. It was like, that's kind of like a play on words, but it's kind of just really very quickly. Yes, when went downhill. Yeah, you know

It's kind of like stand-up, man You toss some stuff out there when you do a crowd work And you know sometimes it works and sometimes you just gotta give them a frappuccino, you know Why don't you why don't you display for the people that want to come see you live a couple of the new jokes that you've Been working on. Okay. Yeah for the people that want to come see you live, a couple of the new jokes that you've been working on. Okay. Yeah. Here we go, here we go.

Uh... Uh, welcome to Pete's Coffee. Can I get your order? Can I have a large macchiato with no cream? Nice mustache! Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Damn it. Uh, you go away, away, away. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. I just, I just, I just, I just go, pfft. Are you just making fun of his mustache? Yeah, it's crowd work. Crowd work. Oh, crowd work. Yeah, it's crowd work.

You gotta have something clever, like you have to say something like, uh, Hey, can I take your order? Yeah, guys, I have an iced coffee. Yeah, no problem. Uh, are you gonna remove that caterpillar above the cat- are you gonna be able to remove the caterpillar on top of your lip before you have a sip of the coffee? That's kind of how it goes. That's if you want to make fun of a mustache, that's how it goes. That was really good. Thanks. That was like- they say comedies about rhythm. And timing.

Yeah. And that was like watching jazz. Right? Yeah. You're like da-da-da-da. I can do it again. Ready? Yeah.

Welcome. Can I take your order? Yeah, just a cake pop today, please. Just a cake pop? Uh-huh. You sure you didn't mean K-pop? Uh, the, uh, are you sure you, uh, are you sure you don't want to BTS your way out of here in the back of the... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and then... and Was that good? Round of applause! Oh my god! Thanks buddy. You're back.

You can't quit now. I can't quit now. I don't want to quit now. I don't think I want to quit. No, you have to give the people man. I gotta give the people what they want. You have to! Can you call someone at Pete's and see if I can come back and start doing-

You gonna do a spot tonight? I would love to do an eight hour spot. I'll- we have a guy supposed to come in, I'll eat him. Are you being serious you'd do that for me? Of course I would. You're gonna eat bones and all. 17 years man. I know, I know. Let me tell you something, you haven't eaten someone for me in a long time. It's been a long time. I mean it definitely has but. You ate that guy that guy at the movie theater when I said, can I get a new batch of popcorn? He got so upset.

He's like, we're not cooking a new batch. What's there is there. And I said, dude, I'm asking you politely. And he said, why don't you ask yourself why you're such a picky bitch? I turned to you... Yep. I grabbed that butter real fast.

You lubed him up in butter. Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. Yep. John lubed him up in butter and he ate him whole. I mean, whole. He ate him entirely whole. What was weird is you started, I thought you would do head for it.

You started with an arm. No, arm. Yeah, you start with an arm and you eat that way. Yeah. Is it easier to eat arm first than? I gotta be honest. that was like so, I was kinda like just. You black out a little bit. Yeah, I didn't really know what was happening at the time,

and I feel like his arc came at me. Like he was gonna punch you, yeah. Yeah, so I just, ah, opened up. There it goes. And I just started, I just kinda worked my way through his body. But I tell you what, after that, I felt like so powerful right yeah like

you like you were you said superhuman yes yeah superhuman yeah yeah cuz you are kind of superhuman I'm superhuman yeah I am NOT human yes you are superhuman yeah above super super means superior superior super superior humans Yeah, that's what I said Don't always feel that way but on that day I did and I would do it again man I'm gonna ask you because I know we don't talk about it anymore But are you are you still in contact with your ex-wife or no? I? actually haven't

Publicly kind of like oh Do you want should we not talk to you? Yeah, we'll go kind of like... Oh, do you want, should we not talk? Yeah, if Nicole could kind of like cut that part out or whatever. Like, yeah, okay, you don't want to talk. I just kind of wanted to see if it was like, I don't... You talk about her. But I love Sheila. She was so sweet. I mean, we don't have to talk about her if you don't want to.

Do you talk to Sheila? Not if you don't. Because I definitely don't and I remember you were saying when we kind of went through the divorce you were kind of like you did kind of like what he said you said listen man you pull me in and you said she's dead to us. Yeah yeah and you said she you know what she did to you John? I'll never talk to her again. Yeah. And then I said, take out your phone. And then I watched you block her.

Right. So how would you even like contact her or whatever? I ran into her. I ran into her at Bluestone Coffee Shop. Which by the way, May 23rd, Bluestone coffee shop. John Govacati, gonna be doing new material, come on out. I ran into her at a Bluestone.

Yeah. We just started chatting and just talking about the old times. And- But did she seem pretty distraught? Because I'm sure her life is just empty. She's, well, it's a little different than what you think. I mean, she's remarkably happy. She was smiling ear to ear.

She was with a new guy. I didn't want to tell you, especially this way, but She was with a new guy. I didn't want to tell you, especially this way, but she was with a new guy. And unfortunately, you know him. And I know this is like hard to say and hard to hear, but she's fully in love. She's pregnant Which I know that stuff but she's fully in love and she's pregnant

And she's with someone you know very well, and I think you know exactly how it is Does his name rhyme with beat bulbs? It does. Oh my god. He's like... He is infectious. I mean he's so... He's so handsome. He's so big.

He's full sized. Yeah. They smile and he's so happy all the time. I'm gonna call him and call him out. I just, I don't know why we hid this from you for so long. I'll be honest, like I... I was like, you know, please say Adam Pally, you know, just someone I can hate, you know?

No, he's, it's Pete Holmes. And, um... Okay, he blocked you? Yeah. He thinks... Let's try one more time, maybe. he blocked you Maybe he blocked you. Oh, hold on someone's calling me. Hello Hey, man, I'm on the podcast right now with John Goblok on and Okay, but can you tell I just told Goblin that his ex was with Pete Holmes and he's a little concerned about it. Did you hear about this? Did you know about this prior to it happening?

Well, yeah, of course, because I was there when I had sex with her too. Bobby, I'll call you back. I gotta go. Oh, okay. I gotta go. No, no, no, no, no. She just had no condom.

Oh, wow. So wait a minute, do you think she's pregnant with your baby? I mean, me, Pete Holmes, there's a bunch of Peter Tosh. We all unloaded later. Okay, all right, buddy, I love you. Bye, bud. She clearly has a type.

She clearly has a type. Bobby Lee, Pete Holmes, John Goblikon. Did he say Peter Tosh? And Daniel Tosh. Both of the Tosh brothers. The Tosh twins? Yeah. The Tosh twins were in this too? I'm really sorry, dude. Look, I don't, I don't take any sort of joy in breaking you news like this, but if I'm being very real with you look at me the entire comedy community is sleeping with your wife ex-wife Sheila everybody and I mean name a comic and I'll tell you yes or no if they're sleeping with your ex-wife

Sirs O'Rourke? Yes. Both Chapelles? Yes. Oh the Chapelle twins too? Keep going. I'm so interested in the comedy community, all the comedians. The guy who was doing like the dances on TikTok? Yes. There's only one person that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that Was he doing like the dances on TikTok? Yes. There's only one person that hasn't, John. There's only one guy that hasn't slept with your ex-wife. McCone. Everybody else has.

Just hand stuff. Well, that's fine. Yeah, hand stuff is not that big of a deal. He doesn't care about that stuff. He never cared about Yeah, I've always said like is that even stuff. You know me which is just like the hands. It's got handsy. Yeah so Everyone everyone but the two of you that's critical. I I I I slept with your No, I slept with your ex-wife. I slept with your ex-wife.

But I slept with your wife. You were just talking about sleeping and watching. No, I made love to your ex-wife. I don't mean physically sleeping. I mean, I made love to her. It was a lot of us in the room. It was me and Andy Dick. Margaret Cho was filming. I thought you said it was comedians.

And personalities. Okay, sorry. While we were hooking up with your ex, Demetri Martin was drawing it. That must have been hard to concentrate on when he was just kind of doing wordplay. He does have really good bits. You're like, that... I don't know, I think we're having a lot of pun.

You know? And after all that, the biggest twist of the night. Wait, if you tell me a bunch of props came and he... did that fellow redhead use them on her? Carrot Top flew in. Which is a trunk full of weird sex stuff? An absurd amount. I mean the trunk was huge. Two men had to like carry it in. Why would it pay to see that? The cost of that ticket, I would have been like, that should be his Vegas show. Click this link right here for the Patreon to watch the entire comedy sleeping with john's ex-wife sheila right here

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sign up via getkickoff.com slash whiskey to activate offer. Offer applies to new Kickoff customers first month only. Subject to approval offer. offer applies to new kickoff customers first month only subject to approval offer subject to may negatively affect your credit score. Individual results may vary. Ginger. I like gingers. Right now! Right now. That should be the name of... A show. A show.

Hmm. It doesn't have any ring to it. Right now. Right now. It's like a parent being mean. It actually is... Like, when you... When you're really right now. Ooh! Right now. Ooh, it's like very... Can you say It actually is. Like, when you... Clean your room right now. Right now.

Oh, it's like very... Can you say it without sounding nasally and annoying? Right now. You can't. I'll try. Right now. Yeah, no. Right now.

No. I think for a show to be successful, it's gotta have bad in the name. Yeah, I have two shows. One's No Bad Lies and one's called Bad Friends. And then I have the show Whiskey Ginger. And I know what you're doing. I'm not doing anything. I know what you're doing.

I'm not doing anything. I'm just saying, like, for a show to be successful, it's got to have bad in the name, right, McCone? You gonna pull up some of those numbers? I feel like if it shows gonna be successful. You know what? I thought you were gonna come in here and not try to start shit and here you are. People are actually watching. It's like what are they searching for? Sheila's pregnant with my baby. Sheila's pregnant with my baby. Sheila's pregnant with my baby. I brought these other comedians into it, and that's not true. It's me. It's only been me.

All the comics come to watch us. We have CuckFest. We have CuckFest at the Comedy Store. It's every Wednesday night. It's in the Belly Room. Everybody comes and watches. They cheer us on. It's a one drink minimum. It sells out, too. It sells out every week. It's the largest live CuckFest podcast in the world.

To beat KilToni. It's not even close. We'd love for you to come if you want to do a guest and be on the panel. I'm kind of like more into like the alt scene right now, yeah. That's fine. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I'm just kind of like my crowd. It's like they're just more forgiving, you know what I mean? Of like weird experimental jokes. Well, when we take it to El Cid, I'll call you.

Okay. I just want to ask you a question because I'm just processing through everything. And before you were like, yeah, like, all these comedians are with Sheila. And then, you know, you called and you called Bobby and he's like confirming. And then you're like, no, I actually am. I'm with Sheila.

So- We're keeping the baby. Before what you were saying would be considered not true or otherwise known as a guys you have to fucking subscribe right now okay no bad life and that's something friends don't do. Friends don't lie, they don't tell good ones, they don't tell bad ones. Check out this Thursday, No Bad Lies with McCode,

me, John Goblikon, and the slightly balding one from It's Always sunny in Philadelphia. Have you been to a Dodger game this season? Oh, I love the Dodgers, yeah. You're a big fan, aren't you? Yeah, I'm a huge Dodgers fan, yep. And your favorite players are? Sammy. Shohei Otani.

Shohei Otani. Mookie. Mookie. Mookie. Mookie Betts. Mookie. Betts. Oh Tony show hey, oh Tony Mookie bad Mookie bets Mookie bets and Freddie and Freddie Armisen Fred Armisen Yeah, I didn't know I did like no one thought after SNL He was gonna be able to play on it like a professional baseball. He's amazing. He's incredible. He's a great. What can't he do? Yeah, he's one of my favorite goalkeepers Incredible. He's a great. I mean what can't he do? Yeah, he's one of my favorite goalkeepers So yeah, what else are you been up to Santino living here I see you traveling all the time now I'm on the road a lot. Yeah, you're doing a lot of road stuff. Well, I don't have a choice

Really? Look at a big cheese What I have a baby on the way. I've got to prepare for this second family Sheila's moving in with us, bud. You know that, right? Well, I mean, how could I, like, know that if, you know, I'm not allowed legally to talk to her? You know what I mean?

Yeah. So, no. But I have been traveling, yeah. I am gonna continue to travel. I'm going to Europe. Bobby and I are gonna play London and Dublin. We're gonna do a show. Really?

No, the answer's no. Don't ask. You keep calling me. Hey, maybe I can open for you. Maybe we can... No. No, the answer's no. They love me over there.

They do not. Yeah, they do. You're not allowed in like six European countries. No, seven. That's not Europe. What? It's European countries. No, seven. That's not Europe. What? Spain, France, this is all Europe. You can't go to Italy.

London? I thought they're not Europe anymore. Yeah, no, no, no. England is Europe, dude. Is it? Yes, it is, McCone, right? England's not Europe anymore. Not anymore. Oh, they're their own thing. It's like its own...

Well, come play the show in England, then. I would love to. I'll open for you guys. I'll do some crowd work. I'll do some, you know, crowd work and stuff like that. But you gotta write bits. You gotta write jokes. I don't really think so. I mean we do. I'm gonna pay you. Oh. You're gonna pay me? Well. I'll write material if you pay me all right I'll pay you then all right material because I'd like to see you do something yeah would you mind would you mind settling a little bit of a beef for me sure calling someone real fast just I mean I think you'll recognize by the voice and you'll know right away what my issue is. I just, this person is not, no longer a friend. And I was gonna see if you could repair.

Hello? I know this guy. Where are you guys? We're in a coffee shop doing a gig. Oh, sick. Like a, like a acoustic set in a coffee shop doing a gig. Oh, sick. Like a acoustic set? It's kinda like a duo. Oh, cool, nice.

I need to know if Santino is gonna be with my wife Sheila for the rest of his life. He said you do. His ex-wife Sheila. I told him, Dermot, I told him that I'd knocked her up and I don't know, I had to tell him the truth. Why? I mean, it's the right thing to do. But you're keeping the kid?

I told you we're going to keep the kid. And John wants to know if, did everybody know about this? Uh huh. And wait, where are you guys right now? We're in my studio. Oh, nice. Yeah. And wait, where are you guys right now? We're in my studio. Oh, nice. Yeah. Nice. Is John doing whiskey or you guys just kicking it? He's doing whiskey.

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm just doing a little bit. Hell yeah, dog. All right, buddy, I'll talk to you later. This is... Bye. Bye. I'll talk to you later Some bits don't work

We said we said certain you know, I mean Certain bits don't work certain bits don't work at certain bits just kind of fall flat. Yeah And I felt like the one about your neck actually did better You know what this happens And thank God they do you know, I mean I'll tell you why yeah It makes the good ones better You got Armis it you why. Yeah. It makes the good ones better. You got Arbus in there? Yeah, call Fred.

Call Fred. There he is. Where are you? We're in Vancouver. I love that place. All right, we got to go film, dude. I'll talk to you later. I love you. Bye watch bye I Fucking hate that guy I Absolutely hate that guy. He directed my new special. You know that he directed my stand-up special

He's so not talented. I do that stuff cuz I feel so bad for him You gotta do head out to bed you have you like You have to help these people out that don't help themselves. But the old saying is like, if you don't help yourself, how do you expect me to help you? But it's like, I feel like all I'm doing is helping people. McCone, you, Bobby. It's like I'm helping out everybody. I'm doing everything for everybody else. I don't have time for myself. It's really a detriment on my mental health more than anything. I feel like I'm falling farther and farther away

from who I really am and what I really want to get to in this life and where I'm supposed to be and things I'm supposed to be doing. And I don't even know how I'm gonna get back to center. Don't. Don't. Andrew. Andrew. Don't. Andrew. Don't. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. How'd you used to get back to Sitter? Okay. By going to a coffee shop and watching you. That's right. That's right.

Through crowd work. That's right. You know what they used to say? Yeah. When times are toughest, run to those closest to you. Yeah. And like, McCone's like probably like, 10 feet. He's seven feet away, yeah. Maybe seven or eight feet away. You know what I mean? 10 feet, like right now, probably like, two and a half, so. But this is, he's...

Yeah, I mean, he's probably like over there, and you know, being too much like right... And I'm much closer to him. Yeah, so I feel like just based on that, you know, be like the old saying, you know, it's just like You know the old saying. Yeah, let's say at the same time being green with greed will never make you a Steed a steed. Yeah Meaning being self-consumed with money never is going to make you a strong contender on the farm. That's right. And it's like we almost forgot it because we haven't said it so long.

Yeah, it's like scrambled, my brain's like scrambled eggs lately. And the price of which is way too high. We got to stop this. I have a message to the White House. Can I? Excuse me? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dear President.

I forgot who's in the... I don't even know who's there. Dear Pres... John, John, I'm just gonna say John. John, dear John. John. Dear John, it's me. We gotta, we gotta, you gotta cut it out.

This stuff is expensive, life is tougher, and people are sad. I knocked up my old ex-best friend's ex-wife. And I'm gonna have to raise a fam- a second family. If you could lower the prices of stuff, that'd be super chill. It's gonna be hard enough. Plus, he doesn't know it, but my old ex-best friend, whose ex-wife I'm currently with, he's about to be evicted from his apartment.

Times are gonna be harder for him. Please help us out. And I love your comedy. Huge fan of your stand-up. Probably some of the best stand-up I've ever seen. I love everyone who you do tour with and stuff like that. Like every time you guys have a press conference. Really good stuff.

Love this stuff. Good material. Yeah. guys have a press conference really good stuff. Love this stuff good material. Yeah Some of the best. Yeah, truly some of the best truly When you're writing material with Bobby, I'm not we don't he doesn't write material with me He's he said he writes all your material Bobby said that yeah. Hmm Said he writes all your material. He's never written any of my jokes. No, no, no. He doesn't even write his jokes. Someone else writes his material for him.

We know that. McCone? No, no. No. No. Cone does punch up. Okay. But Bobby has a secret writing crew. I mean, I don't know if we should expose him,

but it's like, yeah, he has a bunch of people that write jokes for him. Really? Yeah. That's no problem. I got a ghostwriter. You do? Yeah.

Do you care to share? Nobody cares about him, trust me. Oh. Dave? No. His name's Dave. Yeah, Dave. That's your ghostwriter, Dave? Ghostwriter Dave, yeah.

Do you pay him? Why would I pay him? Well how does he get compensated for writing all this material? I take the material and I say, thank you. You tap him on the head. Well he's never had that in his whole life. So it's like any kind of anything you say to him.

He's like, ha ha ha. He's like a dog of anything you say to him. Yeah. He's like, ha ha ha, you know? He's like a dog. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a little dog. Yeah. He's texting him like, hey, I need a joke. I need a game for the podcast. He's like, oh, I'm not doing anything, trust me.

He's not doing anything. He's not doing anything. This feels a little like you're wielding your power. Yes, yeah, Tito, now you get it. Right, but the power dynamic is a little bit dangerous because then he could get in a situation Where he could sue you? How's he gonna do that I Mean I guess I don't know if he has the resources. I mean you don't you don't give him enough so I don't

He's gonna. He would have to find the key. Mm-hmm Know the combination right get himself out of the cage. Then he'd have to like, he's gonna be so thirsty. So he'd have to like, then like find the fridge. Do you feed him at all? Find water, what's that? Do you give him any food or drink? I give him, what do they say?

Knowledge is food, that's what they say. No, knowledge is power. Knowledge is power. Power. And power is food. Food is power. Yeah, that's what it is. Got it, yeah, that is power. Knowledge is power, and power is food. Food is power. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, so it's kind of like I give him like little tits and tip bits and stuff like that. You give him tits.

I give him tits. I gave him a... I mean, he didn't tell you that? No. I paid for his breasts. You paid for his breast implants? Yeah. Oh, well then this seems like this is fair. That's what I said. Write the jokes then, tits. I mean, come on, dude.

Let me see those knockers and those bits. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. You recently took a trip, a transatlantic trip, on a train. Yeah. You went almost all the way around the world.

On a train. Where did you stop? Like, where are some of your key stops? Well, I didn't want to stop. You just want to stay on the train the whole time? Yes! Wow. It's another, so for everyone listening, if you're taking notes, they can't kick you off a Waymo and they cannot kick you off a train. I think they can. No! They can't? No! They're very slow. There's like two people who work on a trade. And one's on the other end.

So one is just the driver and one is just the guy at the caboose. Yeah. And do you hide? Yeah. I mean, certain times, like, you know, when the trade's kind of stopping, you kind of got to look, there's like an underneath thing. And... So you are evading trying to get caught.

It's not like you can just stay there the whole time. Yeah. So you are evading trying to get caught. It's not like you can just stay there the whole time. Yeah, but if you... Ciotito, if you wanna do something, you just have to wanna do it. Right. And then you get to do it. If you wanna do it, you can do it. If you wanna do it, you can do it.

Anything. Anything. Like what if you wanted to rob a bank? If you want to, you could do it. Have you done that? I'm not gonna rob a bank. I would be the you could do it. Have you done that? I'm not gonna rob a bank. I would be the worst big robber Santino. Yeah. There would be almost nothing I could do. Easily identified. The sketchers would be like, uh what do you look like? They're gonna be like, uh green. They're like,

I might have the guy and then they curb it, you know, like they would know. Yeah. Me with a mask, they're like, hmm Did you see his eyes? They're like oh you mean those red yellowy scary things yeah like poking out of his mask were two ears I'd be on every Telephone pole in the valley everyone be like that guy lives in recita. I know that is yeah Yeah, you've been living in the same apartment since I've known you yeah, I've only ever had one apartment Why don't you want to you know, you can upgrade. You could get something a little bit nicer,

a little bit more comfortable. I mean, you have a little bit more money now. I'm very comfortable. You are? I'm just a creature of habit. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to do what you did. You know what I mean? Where you just have like a house,

you know, with a family in it, you know, out in the Philippines and then like another house with like another family. Yeah. I don't want to have like all these secret houses, all these secret families. Yeah. I want to have one place, that's mine, and I go to it, it feels safe,

and what's that door closes? Well, you're locked in. I'm locked in. Well, because you don't, I know, I've told you, you got to get that fixed. Your door shouldn't lock from the outside, that's silly. It should lock from the inside. But that's kinda like, that's part of the arrangement.

It's like I go in my place, I do the three knocks, my landlord comes over, you hear like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Locking you into your own place is very odd, but whatever makes you happy. It's rent controlled, man. It's Los Angeles, you know? But having a no bed, no bath is very odd. You don't have a bathroom. It's not even a studio. I mean, John, it's a closet. It's literally a closet.

It's a... It's online. It's a cozy studio. It's a closet without a bathroom. It's a cozy studio. It's a closet without a bathroom. It's a cozy studio. It's a closet. It's a half storage for your landlord. It is part of the U-Haul facility.

I mean, that's the name of my building. It's the U-Haul storage facility. That's a storage facility. It's not an apartment building It's a closet dude, you're in a storage closet Tito was the one who said home is where you make it I said home is I should from now I said home is where the heart is and This is heartless for him to let you live in a closet So what should I do see a Tito I mean what I mean

You know, I've got a weird position where it's like I've signed this lease. For how long? For, what's the word, perp-perpet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet-pet- Pet-pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- Pet- In Perttuity. In Perttuity. Pepperoni. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you'll be living there forever. Yeah. Well, I mean, think of it this way. Like everyone's constantly walking around this city. Just go, where are we going to live?

What are we going to do? What are we going to do next? You know, McCall was coming in here like, I got to move. I got to figure out what I'm going to do. It's like, I don't have that problem, man. Right. Are these gray? Not yet.

No. Because I don't have those kind of stresses. I know exactly where I'm going to live. Forever. What's your rent? How much? I mean, I don't really have to pay too much. Nothing?

Well, it's like I look after everyone else in the building. I'm kind of like the building manager. You're like the super. Yeah. But there's no other residents. Well there's, I mean there's other apartments. There's like a bunch of one-bedroom apartments. You know, everyone's got, you know, there's some that have like multiple mattresses stacked up in there. Those are storage units. And some have like, you know, kind of like a bunch of like chotsky things. Like this one woman who lives down

from me, she's got a bunch of trophies like all these old dolls American Girl dolls she's got a bunch of those those are storage units those are kids yeah and so I just kind of live amongst a bunch of people and I kind of watch theirs and because nothing ever gets stolen everything's always kept nice everyone has their locks and their check-in thing. You're a security guard at a U-Haul storage facility. I live nights. I start living at like 11, 30 p.m. and I stop living there. It just depends, like, when they'll come off

and someone else will relieve me and they'll live there, right? And they'll go to my job, you know the insurance job the insurance job and then we're gonna go to the coffee shop Yeah to do that night. No, that's what I'm doing my stand-up job in between right? I'm doing some spots in between So dude life insurance Spots at the coffee shop doing comedy and that night I'm living And protecting everyone and that's why I get like three to four minutes of sleep.

I'm concerned but you know there's nothing I can do about it. You're fine. You're fine. Things are fine. I feel fine. You should. I mean dude I're fine. You're fine. Things are fine. I I feel fine. You should Did I feel fine? Are you sure? I feel I really like you sure Okay Okay, John

Okay, I'm not gonna break Break I'm not ready to break. You know, I'm fine. You're fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's okay. It's all right It's all right. Everything's fine. Everything. My life is good to your breathing I can't watch this podcast and I'm here telling you that everything's going really well Your breathing is good. Really well. Everything's going really well. Did you ever use quick? Very good. It's good Like these are going well and I love what I'm doing and I love my life and these are really fun and I just I absolutely yeah absolutely it's been so fun I gotta go I gotta go well I guess that's the is that I guess that's the episode with John Goblokan

we usually do a one word one phrase at the end of the episode but he's not HELP! In here we pour whiskey We usually do a one word one phrase at the end of the episode, but he's not In here we pour Oh hell of a nap where'd Santino go Hey, oh What Hey! Oh! What are you doing here, dude? What? Get out of here! Get out! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! Get out! Okay, alright! Jesus, dude! Oh, that creature in the ginger beard! Sturdy and ginger. Like that ass! The ginger gene is a cut!

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse! Gingers are hell no! This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.