Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Jon Lajoie

Episode Date: July 19, 2019

Santino sits down with Jon Lajoie to chat about transitioning from comedy sketches to making music, why the queen is bullshit and growing up in an arcade with Mortal Kombat being the Mecca of all games. Oh, and he pronounces Super Mario Brothers (Mareo). SEE ME LIVE!!! SACRAMENTO, CA JUL 18-20 MONTREAL JUST FOR LAUGHS JUL 24-27 ST. LOUIS, MO AUG 1-3 TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com FOLLOW ME ON INSTA https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER PODCAST ON INSTA https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast?igshid=mztm4g3wy0gq FOLLOW JON ON INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/jonlajoiecomedy/?hl=en LISTEN TO JON’S MUSIC: https://www.youtube.com/user/jonlajoie For more info on the WHISKEY GINGER SIGN peep https://www.instagram.com/starsandstripescompany/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Because the Skip app saves you so much time by delivering stuff like your favorite cool treats, groceries, and bevies, you get more time to have the best summer ever. Like riding roller coasters. Learning to water ski. Applying sunscreen to your dad's back. Yep, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with skip did somebody say skip what up whiskey ginger fans if you want to see the red rocket live i've only got three out of town dates left before i chill out for a while this weekend july 18 19 20 i'm gonna be in

sacramento at the punchline baby come. Come see me, Sacktown in Northern California. Next week, 23, 24, 25, 26, I'm going to be in Montreal, Montreal, Canada at Just for Laughs. I'm going to be doing two shows at the Mainline Theater and then one live Whiskey Ginger podcast with Bobby Lee and Black Thought of the Roots. It's going to be fucking insane. And then the following week, August 1, 2, 3, I'll be in St. Louis at Helium, baby, under the arch in St. Louis. Come out and see me. Tickets at andrewsantino.com. Peep that shit. Come out. Don't miss it. I'll be done for a while. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are pugilist. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Are you ready? Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it is Jon LeJoy. Jon. Hello. Jon, thank you so much for coming. Today, Jon and I are drinking McKenna, age 10 year baby, single barrel, bottled in bond

bourbon whiskey from Kentuckyucky as they all should be let's taste it let's see how we like it yum let's see a little tiny kiss cheers good to see you thank you ah it's nice you like it that's nice with the whiskey if i'm not if i don't have like four to choose from and taste them, I don't fucking know. You don't know the difference. I'm like, it tastes like whiskey. It just tastes good.

But if there were another one, I'd go, oh, that one tastes not like that one. That's the extent of my whiskey palate. Well, here's the real trick. That's not even whiskey. Oh, Jesus. You're on Hidden Camera Show. It's called That's Not Whiskey. Come on out, you guys.

Oh, you got me. Come on. It's called That's Not Whiskey. Come on out, you guys. Oh, you got me. Come on. John Lejoie is a comedian, actor, writer, performer, musician, savant, and shoemaker, oddly enough. People don't really know that you made shoes for 19 years of your life.

I made these. What's it called? It's called, it's a C word. What is it? Cock shoes. Cock shoes? Yeah. Then the word for making shoes is called cock shoes yes it's like being cock sure yourself but then there was a whole

phallic situation that i did not uh i actually didn't notice oh is it because the shoes are tend to be shaped like a penis no i just called them that i thought it would be catchy but then everyone was like once i incorporated uh and and started branding, everyone brought up the penis thing. They were like, you know, cock like penis. And I was like, fuck. Fuck. Well, for some reason, I went right for the penis thing because they look like a penis. I mean, even your shoe, the toe looks like the head of a penis.

It does look a little bit like a penis. I like how we both smile at that. Look at how cute that is. And I'm wearing socks today because people on the internet comment every time I have my feet out that i put out foot porn on this podcast dude i twiddle my fucking toes and people get people like this guy's foot porn i know are you a guy first of all i'm a guy i i'm very excited about the short all right are so it's a wide shot this is like they're seeing all of us and i should mention for those that aren't watching because there's a lot of people that listen that don't watch it on youtube yes you should look for

a second because this sign behind us this is the debut of the sign we used to have a smaller sign that was um from my buddy rick who what which was the shit this was made by another friend of mine noah elias um i'll put his link in the description it's fucking incredible this is handmade dude it was handmade half of it was done here in oklah baby. And then the other half was done in España, in Spain. So he shipped it to a guy in Spain who knew how to finish this and put on these little additions to it and then shipped it back and then he hand

coated it and stuff like that and they carved it out, lacquered it and then this motherfucker brought this to me and I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my life. It's pretty gorgeous. Did they mail it? He shipped it. Well, he shipped it. They obviously shipped it from Spain, but he brought this from Oklahoma. Those are some heavy shipping charges for this thing. You know what I'm saying?

No. This was smuggled. Oh. Yeah. Okay. I haven't paid shipping charges in fucking 50 years. Good for you. Yeah.

Well, that's how I operate, dude. And so if you're not watching you can check it out on youtube you should go uh look at his stuff it's fucking incredible i will link all that stuff so this is the debut of the whiskey ginger sign this is it forever and it's really beautiful really happy really is thank you i i found out yesterday that there was a visual component to this you asked me a few days ago and i've listening. I've listened to a bunch of podcasts. What's the worst one? I don't think there are worse ones. I love you and Bobby Lee talking.

That's my favorite thing. Is he Asian? He's a noodle. He's a little noodle. Oh, okay. Here's the problem with Asians, and more specifically Bobby Lee. Go on. Hard to like.

Hard to want to get near. They all kind of have a... I shouldn't say all of them, but mostly Bobby Lee. Go on. Hard to like. Hard to want to get near. Hard to. They all kind of have a. I shouldn't say all of them. But mostly Bobby Lee. Mostly. He's got a little smell to him. They have little quick feet.

You know. I don't. I just. I don't know. I don't know if I can trust him. He actually was on the league. And he played a character with Down Syndrome. And.

Oh I know this story. Yeah. Seriously. Tell it. For people. Well I mean. Oh, I know this story. Yeah, yeah. Seriously, tell it for people that don't know. Well, I mean, I don't know if they're the story. I was going to make a joke that no one knew whether or not he actually was. We actually kind of felt charitable because we're like, oh, they actually got him. He said that when he went into wardrobe that he was changing. Oh, really?

And someone came in and they were like, hey, Bobby, they want you to just be yourself. And he's like, oh, but, you know, the care it says down to him. He's like, and they're like, well, yeah, we don't want you to like act. We want you to just be you. Like, don't put on a. For real. Like, you're not joking. 100%.

He's talked about it because he has a little. I guess he's just got he's got a's just got a little handicap vibe to him. I don't know what it is that makes, he does seem a little handicapped in some way. Mentally and physically. One of the guys, like when we had some scenes together, he made me laugh. You, and I'm not just saying this because I'm here, like you make me laugh constantly. Very few people like do that in real life and I'm not just saying this because i'm here like you make me laugh constantly very few people like do that in real life and i'm not annoyed by it right you know uh you do that you're you're one of the funniest people i know but bobby lee as well he's remarkably talented i just and the

sweetest guy yeah man and i take back everything i said about asians by the way i really do like asian people no no please say more about that and other races. Down with the Koreans. No. Well, other races, I can't get it. Let me tell you something about Rwandans. No, but Bobby Lee is one of the best at what he does. I mean, his body alone is worth a laugh.

I've said that to him a million times. I say, it looks like you ate bowling balls. It's remarkable. His fucking stomach has this weird bulbousy bulge in different parts of it. Is he like 14 or 50? I can't ever tell. Well, with those guys, they live forever. You know that they drink whatever potion that little Koreans drink,

and they live fucking 1,000 years. Isn't the oldest person in the world Korean now? Probably. Japanese it used to be. And then, by the way, if you're watching this on YouTube, open up a YouTube page and look up oldest World War II veteran, and it's this old black dude. And it's one of my favorite things in the world.

I do this all the time with my wife. I go, they go, what do you do during the day? He's like, I smoke a cigar. I have me some soup. I take me a drive. I smoke me another cigar. I have me a self a beer. Maybe I have myself some more soup at night.

And the woman was like, you really like soup? He's like, a lot of people don't like soup. I love me some soup. I don't know why the video kills me. So I walk around the house sometimes, and she's like, what do you want for dinner? I'm like, I want me some soup. A lot of people don't like soup.

I love soup. And so that's the oldest, that's the whole thing about our obsession with eating well. This guy's smoking cigars, eating soup, hanging out. He's like the oldest guy. He was like 106.

I think he finally died. But like, I love it when they ask these old people what their secrets are. And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. I thought about this today. This is so funny because I had a pain in my chest when I was outside and I was picking weeds.

And I was like, what if I die picking weeds at my fucking house at 35 years old you know how sad i'm gonna be like that i'm trying to stay in shape and be healthy meanwhile i was just in kentucky some of the most remarkably unhealthy people i've ever seen in my fucking life in my life i asked a woman at the hotel i said what's good to eat around here and she was like oh it's like a popeyes is like an arby's i was like but if is there food or is that the only option yeah she's like what do you mean is that food i was like oh is that like just a regular diner like a restaurant she's like okay fancy she tried to make me feel bad about wanting normal human fucking food yeah i was touring somewhere in the South years ago, and the only place where we figured,

and this is not a story like the pretend that we got it. We went to Hooters for another reason. Love Hooters. But we, a lot of stuff was closed. It was late at night, but we figured there was like Chili's, and that's the worst for you. But like Hooters, for some reason we thought Hooters, they'll have like a salad or something. And it was. They'll have a salad at Hooters? they'll have like a salad or something. And it was... They'll have a salad at Hooters?

You guys are here for the wings? Wings and tits? It was the only option. There was nothing else. Like no, Subway would have been like the most LA healthy crazy thing to eat. Yeah, Subway is if you're a health nut in certain parts of the country. Like what are you eating? Subway?

Sandwich? Trying to lose weight? You're like,'re like lose weight that bread has 9 000 calories in one fucking six inch but but but chili's is kind of the best of the worst we used to eat there all the time in college chili's one of my favorite restaurants at in college i ate that shit constantly because it's pure salt pure butter that's all it is salt and butter on everything well this is the thing uh i have so many friends who have children and they're very careful with what goes in their their kids mouths and then they ask me an interesting phrase by the way um yes yeah oh you can find john lejoie on amber alert.com yeah he is always interested in what's going inside of your kid's mouth. Go ahead. People watch what they feed their kids now. Yes, yes.

Including grown men. You know, you got to also watch that. Yeah, you can't have your kids. You got to watch out for that. Don't rape my kid. Hey, do not kiss his penis. Daniel, if you kiss his penis, you're in timeout this whole week. Sorry about that, Judy.

If you kiss his penis, you're in timeout this whole week. Sorry about that, Judy. So, I lost what I was saying. Pedophilia very often will scramble your thoughts. It really will. You start thinking about the past. You said people are conscious of what they let their kids put in their mouth. Yeah, and I grew up. Well, you're saying you ate chilies all the time.

In college. When I was a youth, I grew up in Chicago. You grew in their mouth. Yeah, and I grew up, I don't know, well, you're saying you ate chilies all the time. In college. Yeah. When I was a youth, I grew up in Chicago. You grew up in Canada. Yeah. And. What did you eat?

You have similar, you guys had similar diets that the Midwest has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of meat and potatoes and heavy starches and there's not, there weren't,

when I was a kid, there wasn't tender fucking greens didn't exist. You know what I mean? Like. Sure. Takaya. Takaya. Like salad places or super health conscious, things like that, which I love, but they didn't

fucking exist. So you ate meat and potatoes, sandwiches for lunch. I don't think anybody ate anything but a sandwich for lunch. Sandwiches are like what you literally eat. What do you have? You have a fucking sub sandwich. Yeah. Or a hoagie.

We used to eat hamburger helper. You guys have oh i loved hamburger it was the best with macaroni noodles yeah it was the best fucking it's like the most delicious sideways and read the ingredients list what is it by the way oh it's nothing it's like cow toes and cancer and death but if they just wrote cancer on there they'd be so funny you're eating cancer man but it's 399 it'll feed fucking 15 people it will i i um have eight brothers and sisters so all we had was hamburger helper once in a while my mom would make like a spaghetti sauce like real fancy uh but we for to go to school we would have the white bread a slice of like really inexpensive ham, and then just like a dessert and a juice box, which was all juice. And we're all alive. Yeah, you're alive.

We're all alive. Is anybody in bad shape in your family? No. Because you tend to have, but you're a pretty thin guy. You've always been in pretty good shape. Yeah. But is that just genetics? Well, I can get fat real fast.

Can you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a whole thing. do you want to play that we play let's get fat on this show we bring in as much i could do that i'll bring in a bin of cookies see if you can finish it well then i'll yeah then you'll do it and you'll get fat it will yes by the end of the this i will be at least five pounds heavier i have to be be very, very, I have to be careful. But I'm also like weirdly anxious, human. So anything that goes into my body all of a sudden. Now, I wasn't always like this. Now I'm like a bit of a weirdo.

Like I'm sitting here going, if I like freak out and like have to vomit or. Poop? out and like have to vomit or or um poop not poop because that's always a challenge for me in life that information you needed you haven't pooped for like 10 years or something john lejois hasn't pooped since 19 it's just always a process it's a whole fucking thing pooping is you just sit down it goes yeah your body's supposed to take care of all so envious of people do you have rabbit shits? The little ones that like... Sometimes. Yeah, you know what?

That's because you're... Dehydrated. Yeah, dehydrated, but also because your stomach is reacting to your nervous system. Yes, yes. So that's why I'm a very nervous person. Cheers to anxiety, dude. Cheers to anxiety. Cheers to rabbit poops.

There's somebody at home that's like, that happens to me too. I have rabbit poops. There's somebody at home that's like, that happens to me too. I have rabbit poops like every Tuesday. So you feel to me, and I may be just making assumptions here, when you travel, when you get, like say you have to get up really early, fly somewhere with a lot of stress going, you'll just get up and like shit. Like it'll be easy for you. You're like, you're not thinking, oh fuck, I won't be able to shit today. Well, here's what it really is I have a really good this is interesting

you say this I used to just travel and then it'd be like two days would go by and I'd be so busy and discombobulated that I would actually remind myself

I'd go you haven't pooped you haven't pooped in two days because I've been so busy and then I would sit down and just shit it was almost like my body was like

patiently being like you tell us when and then I would shit now I'm a guy that was almost like my body was like patiently being like, you tell us when. And then I would shit. Now, I'm a guy that can wake up super early. I can get four hours of sleep and boom, I'm ready to rock and roll. I'm just kind of a freak. I don't really love sleep that much. My grandfather was the same way.

My grandmother has severe FOMO. It's just like, I'll sleep at some point. So what happens to me is I just run, run, run, run, run, run. And then when I crash crash i get violently sick once every like three or four years and i sleep for like two days straight literally two or three days straight so just compiling people say oh that's bad for you andrew and i say i don't care right i just don't care it's how i like to live you know what i mean people do way worse stuff people smoke cigarettes for 50 fucking years i like to not sleep that much so in the morning

i get up if i have to go somewhere early, I make sure I sit and chill, read, have a cup of coffee and then poop before I leave. I'll make sure I make time. I'm not going to get up and be like, and then I have to run to the fucking plane or whatever. I'm,

I have, I always leave enough time. Yeah. Well, so that, that, so just to show you my reality, I envy that because I will do that as well.

If I have a flight at 7 and I have to be at the airport or whatever, and I'm like, I'll get up in advance. It's 4 o'clock. Make sure coffee. Make sure to eat some food. That's good. But there's pressure. There's pressure.

I have to poo or else it's going to be inside me all day. But then that pressure builds anxiety, and I'm like, nothing's happening. My body's like, fuck you. We're not shitting right now. So you're going to the airport. And then by the end, I land. And if I'm not in that place for like a good two days so that my system can relax, it's not shitting for a week, bro. It's the worst.

One week? No, no, no. maybe not a week maybe four days and i'm like i feel like garbage all the time it's awful and that's just one of the the four days that freaks me out where does it go that's the scary do you think it just like and i'm eating like normal you're not changing your diet i'm not eating less it's just all going in there do you work out yeah i try to i i yes so when you exercise don't you feel it in your stomach like i gotta shit otherwise i'm gonna no i couldn't exercise my yes yes you could sort of sometimes find it but feel it but like for me it's just complete dissoci dissociation with the body is quite easy for me to do.

When did this start? How old were you? Oh, probably like six months old. Your mom's like. Like this world is scary and dangerous. He's a really great baby. We never have to change him. He shits once a month.

It'd be so great a baby with anxiety. It just never poops. It's fucking fantastic. It's the best baby we've ever raised. So wait, let's review. Let's talk for a few seconds about how, so people can know. Yes. We met probably seven years ago, maybe more, eight.

I don't even know anymore. Oh, I think it was more. When did you come out here? I moved here in 2006 to California, seven to Los Angeles. And I believe I met you in 09 or 10. Maybe a decade ago. Yeah, that's about a decade. A decade I've known you.

And we met through a mutual friend who I love, Brandon Dermer. Yes, Brandon. Who shot my first special. Who's like, I mean,

one of the most creative, talented dudes. I've talked about him before and I shouldn't give him that much praise because he is a piece of shit. Truthfully.

He is. But he's super talented. But he is really talented for a piece of shit. Truthfully. He is. But he's super talented. But he is really talented for a piece of shit. Super talented. And so we met and I did a couple of videos. If people don't know, you must look up. John had made videos many moons ago when you were still living in Canada. Yeah.

A lot of them I was still living in Canada. Right. Like Show Me Your Genitals. Were you here yet or no? That was Canada. That was Canada. That was Canada. Everyday normal guy was all that stuff. It was like about, yeah, about a decade ago.

So you need to look up all these videos. And through this, I met John. We did a couple of videos together. It was really fucking fun. One where we had sex. You should see that one. That's very fun. That one I watched recently.

I went to see you do. I'd never leave the house by the way yeah and so we went out to see stand-up at the improv and you were performing right it was great and i saw you and i was like oh shit santino right we did that thing we did a couple things and then i i looked it up it made me laugh it made me did it really i want to watch i should watch it again yeah some of that stuff is like it maybe it's time sensitive. If I'm like, oh. Oh, nothing of mine makes me laugh anymore. Nothing?

That actually made me laugh. Well, I want to watch it again. I need to rewatch it. And then, this is a crazy story to give to the audience. When I was still working my day job, my company had worked with you. Little do you know.

I think I've told you this before. My last day job before I quit was was doing visas getting people that are in bands or entertainers in and out of the united states you had to come in from canada and you had some kind of bullshit happen but you needed to use this company to come in wow oh you worked at that company i worked at that company i'm not gonna i'm not gonna talk about it i don't want to talk about i don't want to plug their fucking name but um but but but it was weird because because we had never met. I had kind of heard of you a little bit. You were gaining a lot of traction.

And I was like, oh, this guy's very funny. And then oddly enough, there was no connection through that company. I didn't work with you. You worked with someone that was in the office who was like, oh, this guy's really funny. Maybe you know him. I was like, oh, no, I don't know that guy because I was fresh in comedy. And then years later, we ended up meeting a couple years later, which is super weird. Totally organic on accident.

Isn't that strange? Yeah, that is really weird. Yeah. You worked with one of the girls there. And I remember being like, oh, yeah, I saw the guy's video. He is very funny. And thereafter, you went and shot FX is the League, which I think is one of the best shows FX has ever put out.

I mean, truthfully, it was so funny. There's so many good people on that show you um niche kroll um nick kroll who people know has uh he's had a pretty storied career he's done very well for himself for a guy that's so so stupid and ugly and fat i cannot believe he's done so well no nick kroll is the shit. Ren Azizi was on there. Duplass. Yep. Katie Duplass. Yeah, Katie. Paul Scheer. Jason Manzoukas. It was crazy.

It was kind of like an all-star team of comedians on that show. Oh, absolutely. And you guys did it for? Oh, seven years. Seven years? I thought I was going to say six or seven. Yeah. Wow.

Jeff, Jackie Schaefer ran the show. It was, yeah, no. and your name on the show was burrito uh burrito i actually get i get a taco once not not taco is the actual character's name but i get um nacho hey nacho close what do you say do you still say hi i don't i don't correct them ah hey it's taco you piece of shit! You want to take a picture? Get over here. I get, dude, Always Sunny, man.

That's my favorite show. I'm like, cool. Yeah, it's a good show. That's funny. Do you get annoyed when somebody asks you why don't they bring the show back? Do you ever have that? No.

I've been on enough canceled stuff where people go, dude, why don't they bring that show back? They think it's do you ever have that? No. I've been on enough canceled stuff where people go, dude, why don't they bring that show back? They think it's your joke. I go, you want me to fucking call ABC? You want me to call them up

and go, dude, Mark from Temecula says we should bring the show back. Yeah, because he'd watch it. Yeah, he'd watch it.

I would watch that again. You would? Okay. Fuck. Well, I guess, I guess we got to go get all those old executives

that got fired for making my bullshit TV show. Yeah, it was such a beautiful, amazing time. The thing about it was, and I realized every time a season would wrap, I kind of get a little sad and depressed. I missed everyone, but a lot of it was, oh, shit, we just laugh like crazy all day long. And I'm not doing that alone in my apartment. So hence the sadness. That's so sad.

That is so bad. You're like, this is the most fun moment I've ever had in my life. And then you get home and it's just a mattress on the floor, a microwave, an old TV. Why is this not fun? Like when I'm over there. Yeah, I want to go back there. I want to go back there. But you found some solace in your life as you've grown now.

Now you're much more balanced of a man. Oh, I was a mess that entire decade. You were a mess then, huh? But that's hard, right? You moved to the United States. You did the show pretty quickly moving here, right? You moved here and almost immediately afterwards you did the show. Yeah, it was probably a year or two or something like that.

I'm making it sound like the United States. The land far, far away from you. You cross 17 rivers. I mean. 40 hills. Canada's not that far. Montreal is, though. Montreal is another part of the world, I guess.

Yes, yes. It was weird. It was weird, dude. It was strange for you culturally? Was it uncomfortable? It was weird It was weird It was strange for you culturally Was it uncomfortable?

I mean now It's probably more weird Now more weird than when you first arrived? I just mean the Currently this place You're talking about Donald Trump? I'm not gonna talk about it Enough people talk about it

Enough people talk about it I am wearing by the way A George Bush conspiracy theory shirt For people that don't know he's riding a shark there is a 9-11 plane at the top corner he's shooting guns it's the best this is it he he was president when I when I move oh yeah that's right he was president take one wild guess where I bought the shirt go ahead come on baby you got it it's in there somewhere like 9-11 truth org it was at a location.

No, a physical location. I walked into a physical location and bought it. Oh, definitely somewhere here in the valley with super funny, smart, funny. You're not off. You're not off. It was on the way to Mammoth up north. I stopped in a little town called Big Pine. Lone Pine.

Lone Pine. Big Pine. Lone Pine. Lone Pine. And this was at like a gas station beef jerky outlet. That was at a gas station. It was a Beef Jerky slash gas station. So Beef Jerky was the biggest sign, more than gas.

I think they wanted to sell Beef Jerky more than gas. But I bought this there and I thought, this is the grid. And it's tie-dye. It's like a blue tie-dye. Somebody put all the effort into going, not only do I want a tie-dye shirt, I want to make a George Bush conspiracy shark riding shirt. They were selling so many. They were like, you know what?

We should get those at the gas station because this product is flying off the shelves. Also, obviously, this is just a guy. It's a company in Japan, I'm sure, that has no idea what any of this means, but it tested really well. When they put it out to the market, people were like, yes. And they were like, make more. We have no idea what that means, but make more. Wait, I want to ask you a few Canadian questions. Sure.

I mean, I'm the worst. I haven't been in Canada for 10 years and I'm pretty. No, but growing up in Canada. Yeah, yeah. Did you really like poutine? Yeah, I loved it. I'm French Canadian. In the rest.

That's right. You're different. In the English speaking Canadian world, many of them don't know what poutine is. Okay, so people that don't know. French names, Québécois. Québécois. Québécois. Oui.

Nous mangeons la poutine. So explain what that is. Explain what poutine is. I don't know why this is so weird to people. It is French fries with usually like the curd cheese. Cheese curds, yeah. Cheese curds and gravy. You don't know why that's weird?

It's just odd. But you put gravy on potatoes, fries are potatoes, and everyone likes cheese. Yeah, but cheese curds? Maybe they're more common up there. That's what I mean. That's why it's weird to us. What's the weirdest American dish that you're like, these guys like this bullshit? I mean anything see

see motherfucker huh you see you foreign you know what dude get out of my country you go back to where you came from no we need you around

we actually do need you please don't leave I don't know I don't know if you need me you don't think we need you you don't think you enlighten this community I wish I did

I don't I'm starting to lose hope so i'm trying to i'm like shit i mean i don't know i don't know maybe well look at this you've you've transitioned the thing i'm very interested in talking to you about amongst many things is you've always made music you always did comedy and now you've made a lot of music that is for no other term that I can categorize because I'm ignorant is it's not comedy music it's just music sure it's wonderful it is wonderful I know it's gonna make you uncomfortable man do you have some phenomenal shit well I would

I would highly suggest people go look up Wolfie's Just Fine. I'm saying that right, right? Wolfie's Just Fine. Yes, thank you. Honestly, man. That's very nice. Because I think, and this may be hard to talk about for you, but I don't really give a fuck. You're in my house.

But I think it must be hard to be somebody that does what we do and also show a side that's like not comedy. Because sometimes people are like, aren't you a comedy guy? You're like, yeah, but I also want to explore other parts of my personality. Right. And it must be frustrating. Sometimes.

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extra month of BarkBox, visit BarkBox.com slash Santino. That's my name. BarkBox.com slash Santino. When you subscribe for a six- or 12-month plan, you get yourself an extra free month on me. For all the pooch lovers out there, it's totally worth it. I promise you, you will love it. In here, we pour whiskey. A little bit, but I also, like, I got it. Before I decided to start recording some, like, non-comedic music,

I was, like, so cool if people were going to be like, dude, I'm not into this. Like, I knew it would be weird. It was weird for me. And I'm also like, yeah, people know me as Taco and the Show Me your genitals guy i'm not expecting you guys to all of a sudden be like oh i like this pretty music um i i i was my biggest fear was being the actor guy with a band and like i still to me i'm like oh actor

guy with a band like that bothers bothers you? Oh, my God. Steve Martin? He just played the fucking Greek last night. Does that bother you? But is he playing it because people really love his banjo music? I like you, dude. I've always really liked you. I thought about that.

Yeah. He's one of the best banjo players in the world. Is he? He's incredible. I'm sure the Banjo Association... But I don't know if you can fill banjo players in the world. Is he? He's incredible. I'm sure the Banjo Association... But I don't know if you can fill the Hollywood Bowl or the Greek... The Greek, yeah. The Greek...

With a banjo player? With banjo music. You don't know Banjo Bill? He's one of the most famous. I don't know Banjo Bill. Out of Oklahoma. You don't know Banjo Bill? I don't know Banjo Bill.

Not a real person, but no, nobody plays the banjo. What a joke. I don't know. Yeah. So anyway, so that's like your biggest fear and not even like the biggest fear. It's I understand that that's going to be a reaction. Sure. And in the end, the reason why I called it Wolf is just fine aside from it being a Terminator 2 reference, which is the best movie ever made.

Of all time. Which is referenced in the music video, by the way, right? Yes. Yes. There's some T2 stuff in there. That's why I called it that. I didn't necessarily want to be like, hey, the guy who did the taco and the everyday normal guy, he's got a band now. I didn't want to do that.

So I kind of wanted to be like, hey, I didn't want to be in the music videos. I was just like, hey, let's put this music out over here and if people actually the best possible reaction would be oh i like this music or hey this is cool and oh it's that guy oh worst possible reaction would be uh this isn't show me your genitals which happens i'm sure a lot which happens all the time and i completely understand it sure yeah but you did you independently put out uh the record by yourself yeah yeah no yeah no because i didn't want to tour this is a whole thing like i didn't want to tour as a musician i touring as a comedian it just wasn't the life that i uh i'm a very i'm a home body i i being out in the world is very stressful

for me so I was like I want to make music that's the point I want to record it with some good people and that's what I wanted to do and I wanted to shoot music videos that told stories and that and so I did that's

basically what I did and I put it out in the world and I'm like great job done. Reproducing it live maybe someday. You don't have any touring dates, though? No, and that's why any record labels were interested, but I kept telling them I wasn't going to tour, and they're like, fuck you. Well, then there's no money. What's the point? We're not going to make any money.

So anyway, that was like, is there anything that you say, like another side of you or something where you're like, I really want to do this thing, but I don't know because I'm Andrew Santino and doing all this stuff currently or like, is there anything? Honestly, dude, I've been asked that before. No, I genuinely know. That's actually kind of sad. I don't know what I would do. No, this is the only thing I've ever. No, it's kind of scary.

Because I know if this falls through, like of all this stuff, if these people are like, fuck this guy, I don't want to listen to him anymore. He sucks. If all this shit goes down, I don't. I have no idea i have literally no idea what i'm gonna do i just i just i don't this is the only thing i've ever liked i've only i've only liked making people laugh having fun entertaining being part of this world of comedy it's the only thing i've ever cared about but i feel like that's what leads to

mediocrity, like me? Are you saying I'm not a good comic? Fuck you, John, piece of shit. No, I don't have another piece of me that you have something that I get jealous of. Oh, here. I posted the other day, music to me... I tweeted it one time. Music is the closest...

Whether or not... I'm doing too much prefacing right now. I don't care what you believe in. Music to me is the closest we whether or not, I'm doing too much prefacing right now. I don't care what you believe in. Music to me is the closest we'll get to God, whatever that means. I don't even care if you believe in God. Whatever the thing is that's untangible, that's unexplainable, whatever that is universally that you believe in, whatever it is, music to me is the closest.

There's been moments of my life where i've been driving in my car and i was like when you know when you're into a song so much that you're like i could fucking crash this car i feel so good you know what i mean that you're like i want to fucking 100 so to me i get jealous of people that are highly musically inclined because i always loved music but i knew i could never do it so it it me, it's a jealousy form. Like to me, it's like, oh, I fucking would kill to have something else like that. But I don't really, I don't have another thing that I would be good enough to try. You know?

Right. Sports. I was good at sports when I was young, but that's an activity. I couldn't go do that. That couldn't be something I could make money off of, you know? You could have at some point. Not me. No way.

Okay. I'm white. I'm 6'1". It's not going to happen. Right. They even said that. That's literally what a college letter said back to me. You're white and you're 6'1".

White and 6'1". Male. Pass. The world. The doors are closed for you. It's closing, pal. Jump off a fucking cliff. You got any cliffs near your house?

Jump off those. Your vertical was great. Jump off a cliff. Let's see how high you get off that. No, but I don't have it. I envy that because the problem that I have, one of them, is that I don't identify. I did comedy for a very long time. I still do, but I don't think that I'm a comedian at all.

You don't say comedian? I say it just because that's like some work that I've done. And yes, part of me is a comedian. Yes. But as you can tell, I'm like, I have to work. Like even sitting here with you, you're just funny. You're just funny. And it's not like you're trying.

You're just a funny fucking guy and you do comedy all the time and you that's that's your world and it's in i sit here and i'm like can i just give me a minute i'm gonna go write some funny responses like it's hard it takes work for me to be funny um and not that that's a. I think a lot of funny people are that way. Totally. They're more, you know, the writers. And I have that where, like, even on the league, for example, like, all those dudes. And Katie, so I don't want to just say dudes because. Chicks can be dudes. Yes. And she was one of the dudes.

But everyone's, like, improv-ing. Everyone's real fast. I'm the guy who will do a take. And I'll go, okay, he said that, he said that, he said that. Cut. They're going to fuck everything. And I'll go stand on the side and go, he'll say that, he'll say, oh, I can say this. Okay. All right.

And I'll go back in the next take. I'll like have a bunch of jokes. But it takes a beat. Right. But that's just as creative. Sure, sure, sure, sure. You just like, you like to construct something

before you put it out. Yes. And my natural state in life is, you probably can tell by this, is I'm pretty boring. Like I'm not super. I'm glad I had you on the podcast. Line up a boring guest, baby.

I was like, I don't know if you want me to just sit here. Here's why I wanted you on. I'm fascinated with you because of these things that you find boring. People don't find that boring. You were able to do, you were able to transform into a character on that show that really isn't you. I know you. People don't know that that's not you literally at all. That's not you.

That character on that show is not you. It's kind of the polar opposite of you. It's actually kind of the antithesis of who you are. There's some overlap. Really? Definitely some overlap. He was really stupid. Oh.

So this is what I've discovered in my... I can hear myself talking right now. I, to my credit, I sound dumber than I am, but I'm way less smart than I think I am. That's so good. I'm like, I know I'm a, like I listen to myself talk. I'm going to maybe listen to a minute of this and go, I sound so fucking stupid. You do. You do.

You do. You're a dumb guy you sound like a moron but but i'm i know that internally yeah i'm way more i'm way more smarter than than i it takes probably two seconds for the right words to hit my mouth and when people speak there's no natural two seconds for that to happen so i'm basically saying thought words words these are the wrong words what's the right word i can't find the right word what am i saying and then it comes out that's every sentence wow yeah it's not great what a miserable way to live you're like someone with a brain injury did you get hit with stuff as a kid

well hence taco they were like this guy can do that yeah but you want to do anything else it's because your nature is very slow i think it's because like your your very slow your nature is slow it really frustrates it frustrates my wife she's she's like i knew what you were trying to say when you opened your mouth i don't have to wait 45 seconds for this sentence to end. Maybe I should marry your wife. This sounds like a perfect pair. Because I need to be more lightning. I need someone more lightning too.

Yeah. She's more slow and balanced and more thoughtful. And I'm more quick and like, I get it done in a fucking, you know, yesterday, like a fucking real piece of shit. I yelled at her.

We're walking down the street and I said, you know, my goddamn dog always eats anything, dude. Everything. And she loves eating sticks. She's a stick dog. Yeah.

And she loves big sticks that don't fit her. And we walked down the street and everybody's like, oh my God, a stick. It's so cute. I'm like, they're dogs, dude. They fucking do. That's literally what they do. And so she picks up sticks, but she bites them and eats them. Yeah.

When she eats them. Does she swallow? Sometimes. It's bad for the insides. Right? Yeah. So. But she doesn't know

that the dog is an idiot learn your lesson when you when you bleed when you poop um so i fucking i yell you know she's got she's got she's still got stuff in her mouth little parts of the and she says and she goes no it's no she no she doesn't i took it out and i said i see it and then she saw it and then she saw it and then she goes you know your fucking attitude and I know

I'm being an asshole but I don't know how else to communicate that right I don't have that you have the you don't have everything's quick

and your patient is my patient's level doesn't exist doesn't exist where was I waiting when you showed up at the driveway

yeah you were outside outside yeah that's not because like you're right on time I'm just like let me make sure he's here doesn't exist where was I waiting when you showed up at the driveway yeah you were outside outside yeah that's not because like you're right on time I'm just like I'm gonna make sure he's here

but you were peeing so I was like he just had to pee I pee in my yard I have to pee in my yard you think I'm gonna use these toilets they're brand new

they're from Japan this is true I have to water those flowers somehow yeah did you like the flowers outside of my house I did

I didn't plant them oh wow I got that kind of money okay Jesus paid my wife to do it. Oh, God damn. I said, get the fuck outside.

Get out of the kitchen for once. Let me cook. And you go plant flowers like a real woman. I put on an apron and I cooked. I can't cook. I can't cook.

What am I? I'm joking. This is like a bad joke. I cooked stir fry for lunch. You know how sad that was? I ate fucking stir, frozen rice for lunch. That's what I had.

Wait, wait, wait. So did you make a stir fry or you had one? No, you know, stir fry vegetables from Trader Joe's. Oh, got it. Such a had. Wait, wait, wait. So did you make a stir fry or you had one? No, you know, stir fry vegetables from Trader Joe's. Oh, got it. Such a fucking... Wait, wait, wait. They come with the rice?

Yeah, yeah. You never had this? No. Yeah. Frozen section. You make rice, it's so easy to make. Stir fried rice. Yeah, but it's just frozen stir fried rice with veggies and...

So what do you do? You just thaw it out in the microwave? By now, I just... We don't even have a microwave how funny is that no it's that it's a california thing i don't believe in microwaves no no neither do we yeah i don't believe in that thing so everyone at home's like what i don't like nukes i don't need to nuke it so i threw it on the stove top and i sat there listening to old voicemails um that i have the backlog because i just never check my voicemails and i was just killing time and i was watching myself from 10 000 feet cooking rice and i got real sad i was like why don't you go get

a meal yeah so what i've noticed you said you were listening to voicemails um i feel sometimes i i record a lot i spend i work alone a lot this sounds all very sad uh this is a sad podcast i'll go eat and i'll like listen to a podcast and listen to people talking very often while i eat and there's always that moment where i'm sitting there eating alone not talking listening to other people talk who are not anywhere near me and in the past in the past and i go oh this is real sad but i'm so compelled by this conversation i'm gonna keep going because i'm not gonna not listen to i'm not gonna just sit here that's people doing right now they're doing that right now to this yeah isn't that nice and for those of you listening we really do appreciate you listening we do and i hope you're enjoying your chipotle extra guac burrito. What do you eat?

What do you eat? What do I eat? Yeah, what's your go-to food? What's John's favorite food? It's John's birthday. That's so boring, dude. So boring. Eggs, vegetables, avocado.

Canned. Canned sockeye salmon. Wild sockeye salmon. Canned salmon? Canned salmon is almost a daily thing for me because you don't have to cook it you just throw it into something canned salmon is so far dude you have money you did pretty well for yourself in this business uh and you're eating canned salmon they're expensive can i loan you some money those cans by the way if they're not on sale, are like $7.99 a can. Why don't you just go get regular, why don't you just go get a cut of fish then?

Well, because then you have to use it like immediately. I hate buying shit that'll go bad in like a day or two. Okay, I get that, yeah. And fish is like that. And so I'm boring myself. The words. I see you writing a song eating canned salmon while listening to a podcast and I would kill myself if I saw you do that.

I'd be like, that's it. I'm going to kill myself for him because this is fucking terrible. And I do it often too. That's like every day. Well, just to like, so part of what I do now is, so since the league ended,

I consciously was like, I want to record some music and do Wolf is so so uh since the league ended i consciously was like i want to do i want to record some music and and and do wolf is just fine and by the way wolf is just fine kind of the name came late i just recorded an album eventually eventually i was like i need to call this something and then i realized how annoying every band name is because you make music and you're like i have to call it something yeah and you realize how visual a band name is and it really does supposed to reflect the music and you're like what the fuck do and i couldn't call it me because i'd put that out and john lejoie would sound very pretentious it would it would especially for like a comedian or something yeah it's a little so what so. So tell me what the influences were.

Like what bands were you like, that's a good name. What bands have a good name to you? Oh man, it's hard. I know the ones that are really bad to me. Give me the bad ones then. Bad religion. You're like, usually religion is like a good thing. We're a bad religion.

Put an upside down cross on a t-shirt. But this is the thing about band. U2, like it's a dumb name. But once the band becomes something and you're used to the association, you're like, oh, yeah, that's it. But if your buddy Todd was like, I just started a band with some people. And you're like, what's the name? And he was like, Metallica. You could be like, fuck you, Todd.

Yeah, fuck you, Todd. Fuck you, Ted. You suck, Ted. You're Todd, you're band Metallica. Piece of shit. You'll never make it, ever. You and this James Hetfield guy can fuck right off. Fuck you.

Lars. But anyway, so eventually I was like, I don't know. I like Terminator 2. And Wolf is just fine. It was fun to me and everyone around me was like you can't

you can't call your band oh people didn't like that I was like no no you don't understand no one's gonna care about this project it's not like gonna be

I was like but people do care well a few people care and I really do appreciate anyone listening to the music that is very kind everybody right now go on youtube

go wolfie just find and i want you to comment um i do care so everyone please comment i do care let's see how many i do cares we can get to john to make him feel really uncomfortable as he eats his sockeye salmon when he listens to this on a fucking thursday or friday next week i'll say i am not alone in this world. You are not alone. No, you know what? I get that. It is. I had a band.

Everyone had a band in high school. I played drums. Oh, shit. And we tried to name the band. Do you still play drums? No. Okay. What was the name? What was the name of the band?

I was going to say we never got a name because we couldn't decide on one. And we just were so angry at each other. We broke up probably like a month later. But no, I don't play drums anymore because I had an apartment for so long. Can't be that guy. And I never liked electronic drums. The sound was just fake. And you want real drums,

but like that takes a lot to have a drum set in your house. Like in the Midwest, we have basements. You can put basements, but out here it's like, what am I gonna put it in our guest room and then have like a loud drum? You have to do the whole soundproof thing. And it's never, never for drums it never works no so

I don't have drums because of that reason but I do want to buy do you know what a hang drum is no oh okay people that are listening

I highly suggest you you listen you go look up what a hang drum is because I'm obsessed with this this couldn't be more hippie to me and I fucking hate hippie shit I hate hippie shit I hate fucking Birkenstocks.

I don't like Puka Shell shit. I hate Jimmy Buffett. I associate him with that because I don't... He's not a... But he's like folk hippie nonsense. He's bullshit.

He's like drunk uncle. I don't like it. I'd say Kenny Loggins might be more... Either... Fuck them all. Fuck them all to me. I don't like Lava Lamps.

I don't like Patchouli. I don't like the idea that people... I'm sorry, that women don't i don't like uh lava lamps uh i i don't like um patchouli i don't like the idea that people like i'm sorry that women don't shave their armpits it's like i wish i could shave my armpits culturally if i could do that i'd feel more comfortable give me one hippie thing that you like pot okay that's the only thing i've ever liked that hippies do i love that shit great but are you able to to smoke like say we smoked say we were to smoke a joint we could do it right now if you'd like. No, no, no, no, no. I will lose my mind. Well, then let's definitely do it.

I want to see you lose your fucking mind. I did Joe Rogan's podcast like years ago and they were all smoking. Yeah. And he really, he was fine with me not smoking. But I had to tell him, I was like, no, no, you don't understand. But I had to tell him, I was like, no, no, you don't understand. I will be silent for about four minutes and I will be thinking every word that comes out of my mouth is going into a microphone. And I'm here with Joe Rogan and at the time Brian Redband.

And I'm going to get up and I'm going to leave. People have done that, by the way. They needed to get up. Well, people got too high on like Joey Diaz's's podcast they just need to walk away for a minute yeah but every time i go to joe every time i go do on rogan's i we like to get high but but i live i'm i got a little bit high and a little bit of whiskey but i don't need if i get like i can't do what like diaz and those guys do where they like 500 milligrams or a thousand milligrams of pot like edibles i dude i would run away i would sell my house like i would lose it if i had that much but you can do a little bit you can do a little

bit a little bit hold on let me i want you to i want you to listen to what hang drums sound like real fast so this is what they look like you see those two guys look at that they sit on your lap you see that isn't that wild oh wow listen to this oh that's very pretty right that's really beautiful sounds like radiohead is it radiohead no it's not well look at what's what is it saying on the screen it's their own song. Oh. Fucking ripping off Radiohead hang drum. Yeah, you know, now that I think about it, fuck these guys. No, that's beautiful.

Very pretty. Look up a hang drum. But anyway, it's very odd. It sits in between your lap like that. It looks like a little spaceship. It looks like a UFO. And it's in a particular key and you buy them in those keys i'm assuming that's rad it says music and it said in their relaxation music for yoga uh hang drum i just i don't like i just don't like hippie shit it bothers me to a degree

i can't explain i don't like i don't white people dreadlocks i've said this before absolutely not absolutely not it's appropriation of fucking culture and it bothers me so much as a non-black person i want to kill every white person with dreadlocks and john doesn't stand by that this is just me saying that fuck people with dreadlocks that are white cut it out cut that shit off cut it out right now okay do we appropriate black black culture in a million other ways sure the dreadlocks is where i cut it off does your wife have dreadlocks i feel like i have a scene from Pulp Fiction where he's like, I like the bitch with the shit all over her face. He's like, that's my wife.

Please tell me your wife doesn't have dreadlocks. She will not have dreadlocks from today on. Fuck. Yeah. She definitely rocks dreadlocks. Does your wife have dreadlocks? You know how awesome that would be? Imagine.

Oh, I would love it. No, no. I see you delete my number out of your phone. I just, there's, listen, you don't, I don't, you don't have to have opinion about it because I know you're more of a political guy than I am. I get that you would have to be a little bit more careful. I don't, this is the thing about the reason why I have a hard time, I hate the word identifying because now that, you know, means something else. But identifying as a comedian because comedians, you sort of have to be innately opinionated about shit. I'm sort of like the boring guy who will listen to everyone's opinion

and go, huh, interesting. I wonder which one. What do I think? What do I agree with? A little bit of that, a little bit of that, a little bit of that. I'm here all week, folks. So I'm able to write jokes, again. But I can't stand up there like you or like a Bill Burr who's like,

fucking towels, can you believe fucking towels? Well, that inherently is writing a joke about a towel, but we just have such a stance. I have just an honest stance that I stick to, and sometimes it's for better or worse, right? Like I'll make a point about something. Like I know it's a losing. Why am I making fun of people with dreadlocks?

Because I genuinely don't like them. Sure. But I don't need. It's rooted in truth. But I don't need to do that. That's mean. Why would I make fun? There's probably a couple of fans out there that have that.

Well, see, this is the problem. And I hope they don't come to my fucking show, you piece of. No, I want you to. Of course I want you to come. I just like to. I have to make fun of things otherwise otherwise I think

we're gonna burn we're gonna we're gonna burn in sadness and in yes in blankness if we don't tease things right

no and I think that that's the that's the whole thing and right now especially you're like well if we're laughing at shit you know we're

the problem is it's I can see this I don't what did you just say did you hear John he just're the problem is it's oh i can see this i don't what did you just say did you hear john he just goes the problem is the jews and that is so fucked up that you said that into the no the problem is a problem no i do you want a little bit more i'll have a little more yeah you might as well um just a little no no the problem the problem is um and there is no problem. You know when people are like, there was this rhetoric that was getting kicked around where it was like, what can you say and what can't you say?

It's like, you can say whatever the fuck you want. Just be aware that there will be repercussions. Go ask Roseanne. You can say whatever you want. You can make any joke. I'm not afraid of any joke that I make because if you're intelligent, you know that I'm kidding. Like if I make a dumb joke, like I said, oh, John just said the Jews are the problem. Clearly, clearly I'm not afraid of any joke that I make because if you're intelligent, you know that I'm kidding. Like if I make a dumb joke, like I said, oh, John just said the Jews are the problem. Clearly, clearly I'm kidding.

I said that. Clearly I said that. You did say that. Yes. And if people don't know that we're kidding, then I'm okay with losing them as people. Yes. I felt that way when I was out there touring in the world as a comedian. I felt like I could say anything and that was that was so fun because you can't i was assuming that people knew that i was a nice guy and how i was presenting you know

i was you know a fake nice guy but go ahead yeah fake nice guy yeah um pretty good fake nice guy um and then you could say anything because clearly we're like and that that's the fun thing about our our lives are kind of boring and you can't say shit at work and you can't say shit with your family and you're always watching what everyone is saying and everyone's kind of walking on eggshells all the time and then you go see the funny man with the stick and he says all the crazy shit and that's the point right and it's a release and yep but now the it's uh it's the climate i'm not saying that's it's bad like, I have no opinion about anything. I can listen to someone go like, fuck, I want to be able to say a free speech, all this shit.

And I'm like, yeah, that's a good point. And then someone can say, no, but if you do that, then all this stuff and then we don't really want to this ideology. And I'm like, that's a good point. But, you know, there's both. Both worlds can exist. And you're like, that's not funny. but you know there's this both both both worlds can exist and you're like that's not funny yeah it's not funny it's not interesting right that's right that's true it's not interesting both worlds can exist but we have to be somewhere out there like people can be balanced which I believe most people should be as far as their political opinions about

what's happening but I do think we're the only ones that have to be out there a little bit on our own island thinking something uniquely different a spin that's not common. Because if it was common, there's nothing interesting about agreeing with everybody all the time, on either side. It's not fun to be staunchly a conservative, and it's not fun to be staunchly a liberal, because I just don't think you should be one way about everything.

I just say, I'm not like... When you look at it from a very micro perspective, right? There are certain things in my daily life that I really enjoy that would be considered kind of conservative lifestyle. And then on the opposite side of that, very liberal thought, thinking in the way that I associate and whom I associate with, right? So I am a little bit of everything. I'll decide when I get there. That's how I feel. We'll figure it out when we get there. I feel like we've gone to a weird place where we're kind of doing this weird thing where you're saying,

like some people are firemen or firepeople and their life is to put out fires and then there are plumbers. And then the firemen, firepeople are like, ah, fucking plumbers are stupid. No, plumbers should be firemen or fire people. And then the plumbers are like, ah, firemen, that's fucking bullshit. Plumbers, ah, you should be a plumber. And you're like, well, no, that's not just, it's not just, those two things are supposed to coexist. You're supposed to both be doing those things. The forces of progress and the forces of conservatism are supposed to work together.

Right. We shouldn't get rid of. Either. Either. And they both have a pension. So what the fuck are they worried about? These plumbers and fire people are so annoying. You're going to retire with a lot of money in your bank account.

Chill out about each other. No, you know, but I know exactly what you're saying in the idea that if the phrase that not everything is black and white has so much more depth and meaning than just something on the surface. Not everything is black and white. Things are multicultural now. I mean, they always have been, but we're becoming more hyper aware of that, which is kind of a good thing.

You're like, yo, things aren't just A or B. There's a lot of elements to it. Yeah. You know what I mean, they always have been, but we're becoming more hyper aware of that, which is kind of a good thing. You're like, yo, things aren't just A or B. There's a lot of elements to it. Yeah. You know what I mean? And the one thing that I, again, I'm the super boring person who doesn't really do all that much. I guess the thoughts that I've had is that we are all now more than ever sharing our opinions publicly, constantly. Yeah. And that's the point.

You're like, my opinion. I have to tell everyone my opinion on all subjects all the time. Right. And we're just doing this constantly. And I feel for myself, I'm sure I have tons of opinions, but I don't know that I need to be another person being like, this is my opinion about this thing that happened. As soon as you have too many people doing that, no one's listening to anyone. No one's listening to any opinion. The only reason that your opinion does count is if it's funny or entertaining. Yeah, exactly.

If you have a good spin on it, then it's very funny. Absolutely. You know, like I have a bunch of jokes right now that I talk about Trump and I don't do the typical thing where people are shitting on Trump. I think it's very,

like almost too easy now for a comedian to be like, fucking Trump. And people are like, oh, I know. I like to take a different angle, a different spin on it. Like taking the same subject, but not shitting on Trump, but shitting on something connected to why people are mad. So that's if you can do that, then it's more fun.

Then it kind of relieves the pressure of how nonsense this whole thing is. And the truth is, we're all going to die. You sooner than you think. We actually have a gunman outside that is going to shoot you the moment that you leave. Oh, I can see him. Yeah. And his name is Mark. You want to wave to him?

Go ahead and wave. Hey, Mark. That will be the last wave you ever wove. Oh, there's another one. What was that? I was going to say he's got a sweet scope on that. Oh, he's got a scope. Yeah, we got the upgraded version for you.

We wanted to hit you right in the heart. We didn't want you to suffer. Sweet. So we wanted you to. But anyway, yeah, there's a lot of bullshit happening in the world. I am happy that you are finding a new version of you, if that means anything, with music because many people in the comedy community didn't think that you were funny. And I agreed with most, almost all of them.

They would say, you're friends with John LeJuan. I'd go, not really. He's. But dude, honestly, I don't want to fucking suck your dick again because but i will because i've heard it's thin but you you make great fucking music i'm sorry man it's great fucking music i'm so curious uh when we like what because i i i was so you were hollywood and so you were really hollywood we met really hollywood you wouldn't shake my hand do you We like what? Because I was so green. You were Hollywood? You were really Hollywood when we met. Really Hollywood.

You wouldn't shake my hand. Do you remember that? I don't know. You know what I think happened when we met? I know that was a joke. That was a joke. I think I really started liking you after the first time that we met. Because I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but were we managed by by the same person we were for a short amount of time yes yes by the way by the way that's a great

incredible transition to talk about i was reminded the other day our old manager management company's manager the head of the company um we were managed by the same team by the way not the same guy but same place right but he was married to the fucking princess of, or wait, no, is she the princess? Or what is she? Duchess. No, Duchess, sorry. Yeah. The Duchess of, how did they pick that?

Anyway, she's Meghan fucking Markle, was married to your old manager. I thought that was, she used to be like a deal or no deal girl she was a briefcase girl and then she was on usa's suits this is your fucking duchess holy fucking shit england she was married to him for like a short amount of time yeah and and and i'll say it it's my podcast not a short amount of time oh was it was while they were together for a long time i don't talk about this i'm gonna talk about it like the weirdest i'm gonna talk about it it's the weirdest thing ever well you are you so cool with him yeah we're we're not but yes we're him and him and i are very cool he's the best yeah he's a good dude so he was heartbroken by this girl megan fucking markle

who he loved was dude was in love with isn't that crazy he was in love with that girl he was yeah no i say that in the sense of He was in love with that girl. Oh, yeah. No. I say that in the sense of like, divorce was a surprise. I mean it like that. Not like, they got married, of course they're in love. No, it wasn't like bridge over troubled water.

It was like, wow, this relationship must be fucking amazing. He is so deeply in love with this woman. And then like three months later, after he was talking to me one day i had heard that it was all over i was like what wait what am i am i missing something i thought this marriage was like on high i thought this was like the beginning of everything and she i don't know if it's i don't know if there's a rumor if it's true but she and then she dated

somebody from her tv show which sounds like that's what an actor does you know what i mean you fucking you leave someone for somebody on your show. You don't know that stuff? Nah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if I'm wrong. I don't know much about it. All I know was it ended.

And then maybe, I don't know how long after, I was at Gelson's grocery store. And she was bagging? And I saw. She was bagging. Paper, plastic, maggot? But then six months later, hey, so I heard things. Paper, please. Paper, paper.

But could you double bag it? Last time she didn't double bag. Your man didn't double bag. So I was standing in line and I see her picture. And I've hung out with her a bunch. Yeah. Like a bunch. Yeah.

And my brothers, who I love my brothers, but Josh and Jason, shout out. More Jason than Josh, but go ahead. We've been like, they would do shows. And one in particular, she was there and they were like my brother's wasted brothers. Jason and Josh are like teaching her french sentences and she's being very nice but like my my you know my my bros especially back then blackout drunk just being silly with her um that's their claim to fame now uh but so i'm standing there and i see the picture and then I see what they're talking about. And I go, what?

And I grab the magazine and I read it with a little blurb. And I was like, at that moment, I realized that we are in a simulation. Yeah. And what I felt, and I'm not joking. I felt like when Truman, if you remember the Truman show. One of my favorite movies. His dad shows up. Yes. And it's like, wait, my dad?

Yeah. I basically was like, oh, the programmers of The Matrix fucked up. Yeah, they messed up. And used the same avatar for like some magazine no one's going to notice. And I was standing there and I was like, Megan, and they were like, fuck, you used the same avatar. I was like, some stupid magazine. We need to put a face on the cover.

And so they had to go through with it because I saw it. And I'm the center of the universe in this matrix. You really believe that? 40% of me believes that that was the sign of the matrix. So you think i'm probably involved a hundred percent you're like the buddy in i'm the redheaded buddy he's the redheaded guy in truman show i take you to the edge and we go hit golf balls i'm like truman you don't want to

go to fucking fiji yeah it's so far i know but i do no but john you don't want to go that's it's what a trip and and what about what about your job you're doing so great at your work you should just stop it with music. Go back to comedy. Go back to comedy. Music is going to get you nowhere. That's my Fiji. That is, but that is, it feels like a simulation.

It's the craziest thing. Like, you know, we live in the crazy town where you run into crazy people. And you're like, oh, shit, you're the guy from the thing. What? We're in the same room. That was the weirdest. And that wasn't the same thing. But I was like, that, shit, you're the guy from the thing. What? We're in the same room. That was the weirdest. And that wasn't the same thing, but I was like, that's, this is, and then when all the other stuff happened, I was like, this is. Holy shit, yeah.

And I pull up my emails just to make sure that I didn't hallucinate it. And I was like, no, she, you know, the dentist, that's, she recommended it. I needed a dentist. She recommended a dentist. She recommended a dentist. She recommended a dentist. Would she talk to you now or no? Isn't that so fucking disgusting, though? No, I don't know.

Maybe she'd be like, oh, shit, how are you? I don't want to say she wouldn't. No, but your reaction was very nice. Your reaction was correct. She wouldn't. You're a commoner. You're a piece of shit. Commoner.

You live in a commoner neighborhood. You live a common man's life. You eat sockeye tuna out of the can. She's the duchess, you fucking poor loser. Think about it. But your reaction is right. I do eat salmon out of the can. But isn't it gross that we automatically go, she won't talk to me anymore?

Well, only because I don't feel like anyone would let her. Like I feel like she's protected. That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Sure. Well, it's insane. It's all insanity. To be a part of it. So being a part of the royal family.

Let's get into that you want to talk about another thing I can't stand being a part of the royal family to me is the same as wanting to be president the same thing it's egomaniacal

it must be driven by everything but real love you're telling me you can't be in love no I really don't believe it because there's so much

going on there that's deeper than just a organic relationship I don't think you could get into that cleanly because she knows who he is. She knows the lineage, you know, the heritage, the history, you know, so many things about that stuff. I just don't think any of that could have honest weight to it as far as love goes. I'm wrong. People are going to be like, you're an idiot. Fuck you. Fine. I don't care. I also inherently don't like the British family anyway. You fucking Canada. They still got Queen

fucking Elizabeth on their money. You guys are you idiots. My wife. She has nothing to do with you guys. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey Ginger is also brought to you by Express VPN. Look, man, if you're on the internet, you know you're probably getting snooped on or spied on. This isn't a conspiracy theory. This is real stuff. People are gobbling up your data. People are stealing information. Just look at what happened with Facebook. Weird stuff's going on and we don't know what's really going down. So I don't really go online unless it's with ExpressVPN and you shouldn't either. That's real, dude. ExpressVPN is going to keep you nice and safe and protected. It's powerful encryption protection to secure your data. This is no joke,

man. You don't want to get hacked and have some nudes leak out to the internet. That is a no-go unless you're sporting something heavy like Jon Hamm or something, but not me over here. I got a small little dingus, so I can't have that happening. It's time to stop the hackers, dude. Big brother internet companies, they're grabbing and snatching up your data. It's not chill. It's time to stop the hackers, dude. Big brother internet companies, they're grabbing and snatching up your data. It's not chill. It's not okay. Take back your online privacy. Do what I did for real. I use ExpressVPN.

It's legit, man. Protect your online activity. It's all we've got left. We're on the internet constantly. You have to protect yourself. Go ahead and get out. Go ahead and get three months free if you go to expressvpn.com slash whiskey.

That's expressvpn.com slash whiskey, that's expressvpn.com slash whiskey. And you're going to get yourself three months for free with a one-year package. So go there, protect yourself, baby. In here, we pour whiskey. No, and my wife is American. And when she first went to Canada to visit my family, she, it kind of hit her. She looked at the money and I don't think she had like fully digested the fact that we did not have a war of independence. Right.

And she said, why is the queen, why are there crowns everywhere? And why is the queen on your money? And, you know, because we didn't fight the war of independence. It was just confederation and,

uh, all that stuff. And she lost her mind. I love your wife. She's like, you got a bunch of independence. It was just confederation and all that stuff. And she lost her mind. I love your wife. She's like, you guys are a bunch of pussies. Pussies. You fucking are. Yeah.

Canada, this whole idea. But here's the thing. She's like, America. But you're independent from... There is no British colonization rule there. There's no fucking... No, British has... The British government has no rule over...

No, exactly. Well, it's almost worse that it's symbolic. Yeah, it's more disgusting. Why are we maintaining this symbol? It's disgusting. Dude, it's disgusting to me. To praise the queen is so weird to me. The fact that Brits do it, and I have a lot of British friends, they can't even explain

it. It doesn't make sense. They're the Kardashians. Yeah. There is literally no weight to them, right? They do nothing. Well, they do a lot of philanthropic work. Well, I'll give them that, right?

Yeah. So if you do a lot of good for the community because you're a philanthropist, because they give money away, they help in the community. They do that because they don't have jobs. That's right. Because they don't do... If you didn't have anything to do and you couldn't be a comedian because you're a loyal... I would just give money away.

You'd just, you know, you'd have to maintain the image or do things. You have to do something. Yeah, you do. But I have to give them a little credit because they are contributing to society in one way or the other. It's kind of like me and my buddy James had a discussion a week ago about the same thing. When a billionaire, when somebody donates a lot of money and they go, yeah, but it fucking gave him a tax break. It's like, sure, but something good came out of that do you know what i mean when they go yeah you have to give it away it's like well yeah but thank god they

fucking did well then you go down that philosophical rabbit hole where any good deed makes you feel good it's all for us selfish it's all selfish and like sure but that's better than not doing it feeling good about doing something shitty it feeling good about doing something shitty or feeling shitty about doing something shitty totally how about do something good and feel good about it great it's selfish and brag on a podcast

I gave $50,000 to child cancer but I just feel like one of those things no but the truth is I want your perspective because I've talked too fucking much but the reason the British family that whole thing bothers me and I want to know your perspective because you grew talked too fucking much. But the reason the British family, that whole thing bothers me. And I want to know your perspective because you grew up with it.

Like, did you grow up? Did you grow up like? There's an interesting. Did they symbolize? Did they raise up the British family? Like, are they like kind of symbols of like truth and hope? My family was more jesus is important and then the queen she was around because she's our queen um but i will say in quebec um people have always been

certain people uh particularly on the french side completely opposed to the queen being involved in anything. So Quebecians say fuck you. Yes. Quebecians. Can I tell you something right now? The Quebecois? Yeah.

I love you for that. You fucking cool motherfuckers. You stand on your own feet. You fucking French speaking sexy bitches. I'll be in Montreal next week by the way. That being said

come out and see me do live stand up comedy and I'm doing a live Whiskey Ginger podcast. And you're doing a whole set in French, too. Two sets in French. Gadam Allah has been working with me for, I don't know, hours on it. We've never met once.

But no, shout out to the fucking Cabecroix. That is dope as fuck, by the way. Where's your show at Just for Laughs? I'm doing two at the Mainline Theater. And then I'm doing a live Whiskey Ginger podcast with me, Bobby Lee and Black Thought of the Roots which is fucking oh that's gonna be good I will have talked about

at the beginning of this podcast when I do the pre-plugs but you know I'm looping it again can I get the close friends of Megan Markle Jason and Josh

some tickets no look at me in the face no no okay so go on I'm proud of the... So a lot of Quebec, Quebecians were like, fuck that shit. I'm not bowing down to this fucking woman that I owe nothing to.

Sure. Oh, I mean, we had a referendum, two referendums, 1980 and then 1995, where the whole question in Quebec was, should we not be a part of Canada? Vaguely speaking, the question was a little more common. A little bit of a Brexit situation. That didn't go so good for them, huh? No, no, no. And I guess similar, but I don't want to compare the two.

Very different. Sure. But that is a whole philosophy. Growing up as a, it's weird because I grew up speaking English. And then I went to a french elementary school and then went to an english high school so by the time the referendum was coming around i was more of an english canadian dude than a french quebecois dude even though my dad's french quebecois but my dad's not political at all so during the referendum we were all like yeah no like fuck you there was no and the other side was so wrong

and crazy and awful and these weird fascists and all that that that stuff um and i was also 15 so i didn't know anything about anything and i wasn't involved i was just like it came very close it was a 49 point something to damn that is close yeah yeah it was extremely close but no no to success sure sure sure one yeah you're still part of Canada

so we're still in Canada and then but then later on so I went to theater school and then brag brag

Shakespeare Samuel Beckett Sam Shepard you know all the did all the vaginas just get wet when he said that? Did all that stuff.

Brag. Just a theater. Theater school, every chick is like, oh, God. Did you also play an instrument? It was a public college. Oh. And then so I worked at Blockbuster for a while, but then I got a role on a French Canadian TV show.

And I was just surrounded by French, really intelligent French artists, interesting, fascinating people. And all of them had voted yes in 1995. And so it was one of those first experiences for me to really understand that there can be two really different point of views and philosophies and ideas in the same place. Getting along. Yeah, working together. Working. I mean, arguably.

You're working on the same show, right? That's what I'm saying. Physically working together. Absolutely. This is my point about the American culture that we're missing is like, you're a Democrat, they're Republican. We can still be human together. Just because you disagree with someone's fundamental political values doesn't mean we have to hate each other as people my and this is the canadian me a canadian in me the

the kindness guys girls men women let's just be nice. Be nice. That covers everything. And then let's talk. The meanness. I'm a pretty sensitive... I have no opinions except I hear opinions and I say, that's mean. Why are you phrasing it like that? How are you expressing your point of view with all that meanness, sir, usually?

And then on both sides, why can we just be nice to each other? Yeah, that sounds like a bitch-ass Canadian perspective. You heard it here from that soft-ass piece of shit, Jean Lajoie, who cried in his car in my driveway for 25 minutes before we came in. No, but truthfully, you're right. Kindness. No, kindness goes a long way. But that's a Canadian thing.

We're not like that. Suri. People say Suri a lot up there. Suri. Suri. Suri. Nobody says Suri. People laugh at me when I say Super Mario Brothers.

Oh, boy. Super Mario Brothers. And you know it's Mario. Well, I have a very... Look at me. And you know it's Mario. Well, I have a very... Look at me. And you know it's Mario. Can I show you something? Yeah.

This is incredible. This literally came today. So keep talking. Keep talking to Mike. Tell them something interesting while I grab this. Do it. Keep talking. Keep talking.

Super Mario Brothers pasta. Avocado is how my family says it. My mom, this is not a Canadian thing. She says quinoa for quinoa. No, that's not right. No, and that's not a Canadian thing. Keep talking. Go get it, dude.

It's fine. Keep talking. Hi. He's a piece of shit, isn't he? It's so nice to be away from him for a second. Fuck. He just talks and talks and thinks he's funny. Oh, right.

He's just. Oh, Andrew's just the best. It's so fun. Oh, my God. Did you not shut the fuck up? No. I just. I was talking about how.

All right. So this is my box cutting knife. Yeah. I have a similar one. The bread cutter. This just got shipped to me from my parents. Look at how cool this is. Get ready.

What is this? You're going to think this is so cool and it's so relevant. For people that don't know, I went home to Chicago for a while. My parents are once again cleaning out the home

and I got sent this in the mail and I couldn't be fucking more excited about it because my dad was like, we're going to throw all that shit away. You and your sister kept in the basement. You, we're going to throw all that shit away, you and your sister,

kept in the basement. You know, they like to throw stuff away. Yep. Okay, these are, oh my God, these are high school notes from my little sister. Look at, these are notes that, look at fan swipe back, right punch, fan throw forward.

This is codes from Mortal Kombat. Oh, so Mortal Kombat was my game. fan swipe back right punch fan throw forward this is codes for mortal combat oh mortal so mortal combat was my hold on my game everybody that wait let me see those notes of the mortal combat notes look at this john a fucking super nintendo dog yes yes oh my god so this just got this just got delivered to me literally today i I got a Super Nintendo and Mortal Kombat. What games? Do you have games? Oh, yeah.

My dad's got games in here. This has got to be Mortal Kombat, too, because this is Katana. Yeah. Oh, there's Katana's on it. That's how you know. Fan swipe. So there's Super WrestleMania. There's Super WrestleMania featuring Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage right on the cover.

Which ones? So Randy Savage. So this is around like WrestleMania 4. 4 or 5. This is Donkey Kong as it were. The Power of Pain are there.

Yeah. Oh yeah. This was a good one. And there's Super Mario. There's Super Mario my friend. Look at that. There's other games at the bottom of this.

That's incredible. Isn't that fucking cool? My dad just sent that. How cool was this fucking remote? And for everyone, how cool was the Super Nintendo remote? A, B, X, Y. Yeah. Tell me why.

Why wasn't it Y, Z? A, B, X, Y. I don't know. Is there a reason? No, I don't know. Oh, I have no idea. I'm thinking about this off the top of my head. Is there a reason why they always, one button always stopped working about six months into it?

This Y doesn't work. I swear to God, the Y doesn't work on this, is fucked up because why usually like power or speed so wait let me see where y is show me the remote top right you know that baby uh why is right there that's top left uh but so that's oh shit it is that's high punch high punch high punch yeah i know yeah not much you can do how happy am I to get this in the mail? Oh, that's exciting, dude. Yeah, we're going to play this. Look at this. Round one. Fight.

Who's chewed on that? A dog or a human? Human. I don't know. I don't know. That's the best part about stuff from your parents' house. Who fucked it up? Dog or a human?

Wait, hold on. This is so exciting. If there's anything personal about my little sister in there, please don't read it because she'll be so sad. Is this a picture of her pussy? What's that? Is that a picture of her vagina? Oh, it is.

Okay. Oh, show the people that. High fire, obviously, Liu Kang, come on. Flying kick. This is all Liu Kang stuff. I love this. This is Liu Kang stuff?

I have not played it in so long, but I played it so much. What else is that other stuff? Is that diary stuff? Oh, this is all Mortal Kombat. Look at this, Raiden. Yeah, Mortal Kombat 2, Raiden. This is all Raiden stuff? Oh, this is all Mortal Kombat. Look at this. Raiden. Yeah, Mortal Kombat 2, Raiden. This is all Raiden stuff.

Oh, Reptile. Backpack Down, Low Punch, and that was his finish him. How cool was this that you could print stuff off the internet and take it downstairs? And how excited was this piece of paper to get downstairs? This is like your iPhone. Just know this, kids out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how do I do this thing in this video game?

We used to have to go onto a computer, print it out somehow, and then you'd share it with your friends who didn't have computers. Yeah. And everyone would be like, what? Because before computers, you had to go get the magazines. That was a big deal. That was a big deal. The video magazines was a huge deal.

Oh, you got all of them right here. She's got all the codes. Here's the finishems. Yeah, these are great. Baraka. Baraka. Baraka. I love some Baraka in my blood, baby.

Anyway, I'm going to... Who's your favorite Mortal Kombat character to play? It's not about favorite. It's about who's best to play with in Scorpion. I don't know that he was my favorite. Scorpion was by far the most. Mortal Kombat 2. I'm sub-zero for sure.

Oh, sub-zero. Sub-zero. That's a good one. Yeah, I love freezing the floor and I love bringing you to me. I felt like that was like an annoyingly pretentious. If you say cheat, I'm going to fuck you up. No, no, there's no cheats. There's no cheats. The grabbing.

Did you ever do that? You can't grab. You can't just walk up to the guy blocking and grab. That was like a big deal. And you were like a real asshole. You know what that's like? That's like no spinsies in foosball. You know, the people that spin.

They spin the guy. I don't know foosball. You don't do foosball? I mean, I like it. I just don't. Bring out the foosball table. Mike, my assistant. So you're Scorpion.

I'm Sub-Zero. Yeah. I'm going to wait for you to jump on me so i could high punch you and then do the get over here uh thing and then i'll whack you so or i will high punch you do the appear on the other side thing and that'll be a combo yeah no oh that guy yeah that guy will show up you gotta press start yeah whoops yeah whoops start start start and then it would do what what would happen when oh right in mortal kombat 2 it would do that when you would do a combo and stuff. But he would show up.

Remember that guy would show up in the corner? And what would you, you'd press start and something would happen. There was something special. It may have just been in the arcade. You know what? You could file a sexual assault case on him as soon as you press start and select at the same time. Whoopsie. Prison time. Meie. Prison time.

Me too. Me too. Me too. He cut pops in. Me too. So I would freeze the floor. Whoa. I love that sound.

Whoa. Dude, here's the toughest guys in the world, like the toughest characters they've made. And then when you make them go on ice, they go, whoa. Like a banana pratfall out of a fucking Abbott and Costello. No, but I love freezing because it was such people that when you got speared by scorpion, you were like, fuck.

Yeah, it's the worst. But when you got frozen, you were like, oh, come on. It was way more frustrating. It was. It was just like, no, and I'm fucking stuck. And I would jump on the other side of you because you're facing one way and fuck you up from the back, bitch. That shit oh so good i was i was that guy i can't wait to play that that's like that to me is but on super nintendo so i was i not by choice we had

sega genesis and we were not the kind of family take a fucking walk i know i know and we could not have both uh obviously we just could not afford that we're the same family though we we had to pick it was it was like a nintendo or you get sega you picked well for the most part no because my buddy got sega cd i remember that and i was like bad bad bad bad choice sega genesis sega cd sega there was one more uh Before, oh, well, there was like the 32X or something. Yeah, whatever that was. Sega had one more system and they had a couple of games. Oh, right, right, right.

No, Sega CD, I felt like I was around for that. There was maybe something else. Because we had Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64. They had the Game Gear. Was Sega Game Gear? No, Game Gear was, yeah, Game Gear, Sega Game Boy was Nintendo. Right. was sega game gear no game gear was a game game yeah game gear sega game boy was nintendo right um but but all that to say like i i because i'm so old arcades where i is where i would play moral combat and spend all my time and money and then when it hit these these systems i remember seeing

it in like a consumer do you have consumer catalogs here? Yeah, but we don't really talk about it. Okay. Like in like a Sears catalog or whatever. Yeah, we have Sears catalog. Okay, okay. And you would see like the video games coming out in like months from now. And the image of Mortal Kombat was there.

And my heart was just like, at some point I will be able to sit here and not feed quarters into a machine. Yep. Not play strangers. I'll be able to sit here and play and make it all the way to Goro, I guess, for the first one. And Shang Tsung. Shang Tsung wins. So good. Was so good.

Shang Tsung was so good. Who was the Goro of the Kintaro? Kintaro. Kintaro wins. None of this is interesting to anyone. No, it is. People that are video game kids of our generation.

How old are you? 38. Yeah, we're almost the same age. Right, we're in the same, we're in the same. I used to save quarters and go to this ice arena that had an arcade there

at a hockey rink. Yeah, yeah. And they had a huge arcade in the middle of the two rinks. That's so Canadian. I know, isn't that weird? Well, Midwest, same kind of thing.

Chicago is still, we're close enough to Canada. When I started to meet Canadians, I was like, oh, these are just my uncles and aunts that live up north. It's the same deal. Michigan, especially. Same attitude. But I used to, here's what I do. We live near a golf course.

When I moved to the suburbs of Chicago, and we put up chicken wire in the river, and it would collect golf balls. We'd wash them in a slop sink in our laundry room and go to the 13th hole or well 13th now i think back then it was the whatever sixth or whatever and uh we'd sell them for a dollar a ball and we'd take that go get change go to the fucking arcade and i would i'd have like if i had six dollars and quarters you were like i'm a a fucking billionaire. Billionaire. Get ready, dude.

I'm going to play six hours. I'll be at this fucking, I'll be here. And by the way, I'm going to skip lunch and dinner. Those days were so fucking passion fueled that you were. So when you got it at home, it was a little spoiled and it was a little, it was not as fun because going to the arcade, physically meeting up with people there and also the things that existed there, the relationships, the girl crushes, the guy that you didn't like who was better at you than one game. You know? That you were like, fuck that guy.

He beats me a street fighter every time. Well, I'll tell you one of the big moments for me as probably, I think, I was in grade eight, so probably. We say eighth grade here, you fucking Canadian. Yeah, sorry. I was in grade four i was in grade eight eating my pasta playing super mario everyone laughs when i said they can't fucking help it i'm like that's just how we say it and i go home now and i laugh at my brothers when they say it's not that you idiot. But so I I started hanging out with this this cool kid.

I'm a very not cool kid, not cool Christian household, not allowed to do anything. But somehow I would sneak. And I had a friend who he would steal tons of money from his parents. I'm your friend. That's me. I'm that friend. He would just steal from his parents. I'm that guy. That's me. I'm that friend. He would just steal from his parents.

I'm that guy. And so we'd go to arcades. And so I would get a little, like, good enough at Mortal Kombat 2 and we played a lot

for free because, again, he stole from his hardworking parents who did not have, like, a lot of money. Good jobs. Oh, that's sad.

Oh, it's so sad. In hindsight, it's sad i'm laughing because it is also funny you're like they all died of starvation they couldn't afford to live but also very funny back then but so so uh anyway so that that happens and uh so i'm this shy little quiet kid and i start hanging out with this that my my best friend at the time and nathan fullerton a delinquent like a real bad it's suspended from school constantly and i loved that because i wasn't allowed to do anything right i would get in trouble for just whatever and so i go i finally convinced my mom to sleep over

at nathan's she had to call his mom his mom was cool played it cool. And first cigarettes I smoked, first weed I smoked, all with Nathan, all at like 13. I love that guy. I love that. He's the best. Shout out to Nathan. You need that guy. And then his friends, all of them, like Metallica. I wasn't allowed to do any of that stuff.

I wasn't allowed to listen to any cool music whatsoever. But they were all in it and were able to do it. And overwhelmed parents who just could not watch over them anymore right so we were allowed to do whatever we wanted when if you uh if my mom agreed to allow me to sleep over and the freedom i felt when my they would get off the phone and be like okay's go. And at this small pool hall, they had one new Mortal Kombat 2 machine. It just arrived. And there was one, like the older kid with like the cigarette pack and like the cartoon.

What is it, like the 50s? He grew up in 56. He had wrapped up sleeves. He's driving. French Canadians are a little behind. Okay. Yes. And he just a Buddy Holly T-shirt.

He was playing and he was just beating everyone and all these cool kids. And they're like, yeah, whatever. And little shy John puts his quarter on the fucking machine. This is you. Little shy John. Who's there with Nathan. And they all know him. He's like the younger delinquent kid.

And he's around. He's all right. He smokes cigarettes. All right, cool. And I put my little quarter on there. And I'm waiting. And this guy's beating everyone. And eventually it's my turn.

And I grab the quarter. And I put the quarter in. And we start playing. I choose Baraka. This is how this memory is just engraved in my mind. I know. I like it. I was on the right-hand side.

That's how much I remember this. He's over here, and we're playing, and I beat him the first match. I'm doing a lot of the back, back, back, low punch thing that really makes him lose a lot of power. They hated that shit, dude. Yeah, Baraka had to be really annoying because he didn't have many good powers. He shot some spark, and then he also would slice you,

and none of it was interesting. It's kind of like a street fighter had Dhalsim with the arms, you know? Yes. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Same kind of thing. Very similar. And so he beats me the second game.

It's a two out of three, if you guys don't know. Very similar. And so he beats me the second game. It's a two out of three, if you guys don't know. And then third round, round three, fight. Round three. It's like this nail biter back and forth. Is everybody watching, by the way? That's the whole thing. Everyone's watching.

And eventually I jump kick him and he tries to high punch me. But you can't really do that to Baraka because his jump kick will fuck up any high punch. And so he dies. Finish him. I had just looked at the magazine and I had never done the finish him. And you get so nervous. Yeah. Like two seconds. Yeah.

I walk up to him. Front, front, down, front, low punch. Lifts him up. Like two seconds. Yeah. I walk up to him. Front, front, down, front, low punch. Do, do, do. Lifts him up. The guy's body, you know, whatever that finish him was. Slides down the fucking. Slides down the spears. Basically Wolverine.

Yeah. Baraka was alien Wolverine. And that, I've been chasing that high the rest of my life. You'll never get it. You'll never get it. You'll never get it. Never. That's it. Ever.

Nothing is that intense as when you're a kid. And that was so important. And in hindsight, you're like, this is a bunch of people. It's one rando. It was 25 cents. Means nothing. And then he put a quarter. Because you win, you get to stay.

He put a quarter and kicked my ass. Yeah. Then he's like, that's it. Little shy John. Fucked you up. That was to stay. He put a quarter in and kicked my ass. Yeah. Then he's like, that's it, little shy John. Fucked you up. That was my moment. Have you seen, do you know anything about like AlphaGo and like the game of Go, the artificial intelligence created by Google that beat the best player of the game Go? And it was like this big event.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Great, great. This is a great documentary. I just put AlphaGo on YouTube. But there's this one moment because he gets his ass kicked. And he's the best in the world. And no one thinks that an artificial intelligence can play Go, let alone be the best human player. Because the assumption is it involves so much human instinct and all that stuff.

And he gets his ass kicked, his ass kicked. Game three, ass kicked. Game four, he's got nothing to lose. And it's such a nail biter. You're watching this guy and this guy whose entire identity is Go. And he's playing a machine. And this thing keeps beating him with cameras and the whole world watching. It was a big deal in China.

And there's this one moment where he puts one of I don't even know how go works, but he puts one of the little things down on the board and everyone goes. That's a weird move. Huh? And there's like this pause. That's a weird move. Huh. And there's like this pause. And then the artificial intelligence puts its, what the fuck, whatever the thing is on the board.

And it's a weird move. Like it fucked up the artificial intelligence because it was so unpredictable. And so it goes back and forth, back and forth. And that guy wins that one game against AlphaGo. And it is this huge moment for humanity. And it's just I got teary-eyed watching it because this poor guy, he's the best in the world. In the world. And some assholes at Google created this fucking machine or algorithm that's way better than he is at doing it. I mean that's going to be the

rest of the world by the way for everything in the next 50 years. I can't wait to die before that all happens. I want to be dead before that happens. But there's that moment and that's his that's me playing Mortal Kombat against that 14 year old. That's my moment. Just walking away. You had your one alpha child. I got my ass kicked. I didn't give

a fuck. I went and grabbed a cigarette smoked it smoke that probably got sick puked all over myself your mom you call him your mom's like you smell like smoke you're like i beat you know who that french that french canadian cunt this fucking slayer t-shirt i beat him well we'll be chasing that high for the rest of our lives and however we get it we'll keep getting it. And I'm glad that you, I'm glad you shared that with me. That's like one of those things that'll stick with me forever. When I'm playing this, reading my little sister's notes, I'm going to think about you. That's very sweet. I wish you toured.

I wish you toured. I know you're not touring. But plug some stuff up so people know where to get your shit. Well, so I, Wolfie's just fine. If you go on YouTube, actually, like I wrote and co-directed with Brandon Dermer. There are three Wolfie's Just Fine music videos. I'd say start there. The music videos are interesting.

And if you like the music, then go listen to it wherever you listen to music. But start there because even if you're like oh boy this really sucks you'll have something to look at the music videos are fucking amazing i don't i'm not gonna give anything away but they're they're so good so go look at that go to wolf yes a new beginning is where i would start um with the video uh i so my other job that i now have is i i write music for for movies and like family movies. Yeah, we didn't even talk about that. No, we didn't talk about that.

So in the Lego Movie 2, which I think eight people saw that when it came out. Eight? That's it? No, I mean, it did pretty well. Yeah. But right now, no one's going to the theater. I think 19 saw it. Yeah, no one's going to the theaters right now.

But anyway, I'm very proud of that. Worked with some amazing people on that movie. It worked with, do you, Tiffany Haddish? Yeah. So I wrote, long story short, half of it is like a musical. And they hired me to write the songs in the musical portion of the movie. Of Lego 2. And Tiffany Haddish sings some of them.

Will Arnett's in there. And it's just like super fun, crazy, self-aware. If you've seen the first Lego movie, it's that stuff. It's really great. Those guys did a great job of making something like very funny and cutting for adults as well as for young people. Correct, correct. So that and then I'm working on a few other.

Actually, right now now i'll say this to you uh because i don't do much i don't do much and part of it is my choice some of it is really not where once in a while there's this really interesting project i'm like okay i'm gonna go up for that and my agent's like thank god and i go up and i don't get it yeah like that you're terrible not you're never gonna get get this. You're bad. Auditions are the worst. They're bullshit. Bullshit.

Yeah. Not a testament to know how good I'm going to be at a thing by letting me do it once in a room in front of three people. Get the fuck out of here. Exactly. It has nothing to do

with how I'm going to perform. Also, I'm not super good. So right now I'm doing this little family and it makes me so happy. I play a dad, two girls. I have two girls, and it's about a unicorn. It's like one of those 90s family movies, and I could not be happier. Is it Lifetime?

What is it? What kind of movie? I don't think I can say what it is. Oh, you can't say? No, it's like a studio-y thing. Okay, I get it. Adam Sandler movie. I get it.

I get it. I get it. But it's like the best, and it's not it. Adam Sandler movie. I get it. I get it. I get it. But it's like the best and it's not cool. It's not cool. It's not cool. So it's perfect for you. And I'm, yeah. But I'm so happy. Anyway, anyway. So those are a few

things. Well, no, that's good. I'm glad you're finding new avenues of things that make, we all have to keep changing. I talked about this a week ago with a friend. We all have to keep changing and shifting who we are to our audience and to ourselves otherwise it's going to be sad and we're all going to die and yeah on that note please don't die please come back and i do before we say goodbye and watching i do want to say that uh like i genuinely mean that like we i've said that for like 10 years since I met you I'm like you are one of the funniest people in the world. Thank you. And

When I made 10 years ago, I was like well, it's gonna be a matter of time This guy's gonna be and it's taking a lot of time and we're still not there and thanks for bringing that up John I'm gonna kill myself right after this podcast. It's no I appreciate that dude. That's fucking incredible. We It has been and a good it's been a great journey for us together i'm glad i've watched you do your thing and i've we've gone in our separate ways we've reconnected a few times and that's i think the beauty of this game is you keep bouncing good people you'll keep running into you know what i mean yeah of course bad people tend to get fucked off um you're still buddies with harvey wine scene after all that stuff or no

he never did any of that stuff to me what a perfect out thank you John Lejoie for coming in today you guys I'll put all his shit in the description so you can link to that stuff

spread the word we'll see you next time bye Whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.