Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Kelsey Cook

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

Kelsey Cook is a comedian, podcast host, and world champion foosball player—yes, really. She’s been seen on The Tonight Show, Comedy Central, and This Is Not Happening, and her debut special The Hustler is out now. Kelsey also co-hosts the hit podcast Self-Helpless, where comedy meets chaos and personal growth. Whether she’s slaying a crowd or an unsuspecting bar dude at foosball, Kelsey brings sharp wit, and serious spin. Check out her new special: KELSEY COOK - MARK YOUR TERRITORY - ON YOUTUBE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYqWsDhWkkA #kelseycook #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ============================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BOOKING.COM BOOK YOUR STAY TODAY! https://booking.com HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT https://hims.com/whiskey PROPHETX USE PROMO CODE: WHSIKEY GET UP TO $300 IN PROPHET CASH https://getprophetx.co TONAL USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET $200 OFF YOUR ORDER https://tonal.com HELIX SPECIAL OFFER: GET 27% OFF STATEWIDE! https://helixsleep.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

to get your fans welcome back to the show first time joining the show welcome to the show we get a good one for you today like my man Steve Harvey done say and ladies and germs do your boy favor uh... we might have already hit it by the time this is out uh... but a half a million subs thank you so much for pushing us around pat yourself on the back for doing that i do appreciate that man after all this time we got a half a million subscribers on the channel now

i think i hope by the time this comes out uh... and it means a lot, man. I love you guys. I really appreciate you leaving a comment down below for the Al Goh rhythm. Spreading around the whisk-ginge word and also I'm doing a couple of pop-up dates. I might do a couple of more, but I'm touring around the country and the world doing this other show for the Live Golf Tour. I'll tell you all about that another time. But on May 22nd and 23rd, 22nd Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, 23rd of May, I'm doing two shows in Winnipeg,

Manitoba. Go to AndrewSantino.com, AndrewSantino.com. Also, me and the Bob, me and Robert E. Lee are going to London and Dublin, London and Dublin, and it's July 18th and 19th, London and Dublin. Go to BadFriendsPod.com for that. Go to AndrewSantino.com for my dates and go see me and the Bobo do some beans on toast. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Do that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's a pugilist. You owe me $ dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey of Ginger.

My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests I'm gonna meet him once again today. It is Kelsey Cooop! Yay, thanks for having me. Yay, thank you for coming by. I appreciate it. Love the shoes by the way. The fans might not be able to see them, but they're multicolored. I would say this is kind of um, you know,

it's not neon, but it's got like the 80's funk pop vibe. They're green, blue, and a little bit of...is that red? What do we call that? Yeah, I would say it's red. Can I tell you a life hack I figured out? These are actually kids' Nikes, and they were like $35.

What? Because they go pretty big. I don't have like that small of feet, but the kids' sizes go big, and you can get them for like half the price. What size are your feet? Like a seven in women's? That's a normal size woman's shoe.

Yeah, and I'm telling you. I don't think I can do it. I'm a 12 and a half. I don't think it's gonna work out most men probably gonna work out But also asking is even weirder to be like do you guys have kids shoes for me? Like sir, please leave childless Is there a Chuck E Cheese nearby? Where's like a little league field that I could go hang out and see if there's any shoes there that I like

Well, they they're fantastic. You're you are For the audience a phenomenal comedian that I met many years ago're fantastic. You're, you are, for the audience, a phenomenal comedian that I met many years ago. You left us a little bit ago to be in love with another wonderfully talented comedian, Chad Daniels, and now you live happy and free outside of Los Angeles. It's true. Good for you, man. Thank you. You have a house, you own land. Yeah. Life is good. I listened to the episode with Taylor. Oh yeah. Because we were like, oh they talked about you for a little bit And you know Taylor's one of my best friends and you guys were talking about like, huh?

Kelsey got out Kelsey got out. He got free to the Midwest living a good life. It's like Shawshank Redemption It's like oh my man, dude. He escaped. How did she get out? She crawled through four football fields of shit to get out, but you did it I did it I think the last time that I did talk to you though, you did say you were, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like you did bring up the idea that you were going to take off from LA because you were on the road anyway all the time. Yeah, well, I left LA at the end of 2020 because everything was shut down. I went back up to Spokane, where I'm from.

I ended up staying there for two years, helping take care of my mom, and then at that point, Chad and I were doing long distance. Touring out of Spokane is like such a fucking nightmare. It's a small airport. It's a tiny airport, you're up in the corner. It just, it was killing me. So moved to Minnesota two years ago, and it's so weird, you would never think that

that's like an ideal place to live as a comedian, but if you're on tour, that that's like an ideal place to live as a comedian But if you're on tour that airports incredible. Yeah, I'm like I never thought I'd be horny for an airport I fucking love that airport so much every time you get that oh my god This is hitting right dude because as a comic an airport is kind of your office like you are there on a weekly basis that airport so clean so nice and Like all my flights are nonstop now. It's very easy time zone changes. It just like, it really changed my life in the best way.

It's good. Well, the winters are tough. But shout out Minnesota, I'm shooting my special there, so it was delivered. I did a radio interview and the guy was like, why Minnesota? And it's hard to articulate it, because it's always gonna come off like I'm being cheap,

but it's like, the crowds are incredible. It's just a great comedy. I don't know. Something about Minneapolis has a great comedy vibe to it. The vibration is good. And I said, I don't know if I regretted it, but I was like, look, Minneapolis is a very like it's a very blue city and it has, and there's red spots all, Minnesota, right? So I feel like you're gonna get like different political ideologies You're gonna get different socioeconomic status is coming through so like you're not getting one kind of person and and he was like like where I was like well. I'm not gonna You know I mean right you can't as a comic when they're always like What's your you know what's your favorite place your least favorite place?

It's always like well I don't know if I'm gonna go back exactly I can't tell you leave it neutral now, but then when we decide we're like fucking burn Syracuse down like we don't need to go there Well, let's do it. I can do it right now burn one. He knows which one I'm gonna burn first and that's gonna be well you know no no I might be You know you know a few of them, but Memphis Memphis buddy. I will never be back. Hey Memphis I'll never be and also Memphis didn't want us They did not enjoy us. We did it wasn't it was a weird experience. I feel bad for the fans because I'm sure there's a lot of people that like really wanted to be good, but

Memphis isn't a comedy city or and it's not for maybe my crowd How about that was it a bad friend show or was it your show? I did a bad show, but I've also done one of my own shows there are many many moons ago, okay before I was really like a You know a slotted headline like I was kind of it just I didn't I just didn't it was tough Yeah, it was really tough man. The crowd was Terrible I was almost like they don't want us to do comedy the venue was bad. It was bad Yeah, Memphis have you played so I haven't played I went when

It was bad. Yeah Memphis have you played so I haven't played I went when Chad was on the fully loaded tour two years ago, and I went just to like watch and cheer him on and It was an outdoor amphitheater. I mean it was like fine and great. I mean those experiences are a whole other thing Yeah, it's different thing, but yeah, I don't know like the town itself I wasn't like this is the greatest place I've ever been to but it was they didn't let us walk to go get food Yeah, we wanted to go get food. We were in Graceland. We were in Graceland Okay, but we walked you in we were like can we walk to go get food and the promoter was like Uh, we'll we'll get you guys a car and I was like, no, I'd like to walk like we've been on a bus We were tired. I was like, I'm I want to get my legs. Yeah, and he was like, mmm

I don't think you should walk. I was like, it's that bad. He's like I just let us get you a car I was like good god. Yeah. Yeah, so That's it. I love you Memphis. It was wild. I did not enjoy it I would like stuck it stuck in me now forever forever. Yeah, it's something about it Can I tell you why it's Syracuse for me? Yeah, you done the Syracuse funny bone. I never have no okay so I was there maybe It's been two years. It's been a while now and I was there maybe it's been two years. It's been a while now and The show is about to start and the manager came back to the green room and said hey

You got to stay in here because there's been a shooting in the mall hmm. It's a mall. It's a mall club Yeah, and they're like active shooter. He used the words active shooter Oh, she's still doing it when when you hear the hose you picture like trench coat walking down the aisles totally and so I like I tear I'm terrified We're like well. What the fuck are we gonna? Do the manager was like do you like the malls evacuated? But like do you still want to do the show like? Make that decision like okay guys I've got to evacuate just because your headliner doesn't want to perform anymore like I'm like this The malls evacuating, but I think he was like maybe a an ex-military guy We're very unfazed sure very like unimpressed with the shooting like this is nothing

I'm shitting my pants. Yeah, absolutely terrified and So we we left, but we found out later it was like a targeted gang thing it was I don't know that anybody actually was hit but it was like two shots and they were out but it turns out that mall has had they have like shootings every three weeks like what in Syracuse yeah oh my god very this is a common thing that I just don't know well I didn't know either I probably wouldn't have said yes to performing there if I had never go there again That was one of those ones was like you know what I feel

This is a good enough reason to be like I don't need to go back there. That's pretty traumatizing. Yeah, you're good You're terrifying crowds are probably okay, but no the other than that This is I wasn't drying very well then and my opener Tommy would bring his camera to you know shoot the sets And I remember asking him like hey is there is there room out there to put the camera up And it was like the room is half always like oh, yeah He's like you only have one we could do six cameras out there. We could have a crane do a 50 cameras Yeah, we can jib this thing back. You want something on rollers, bro. We're good, man Who's your who's Tommy do I know him do I know who he is Tommy Brennan Tommy Brennan? Oh, yeah?

I know yeah, I met him in New York. Yeah, he just started opening for Nikki. Yeah, I met him out in I met him in New York He knows Laura peak really well, and she oh Lauren's at towns and they split time it is so funny when you know what's interesting is like People will come to shows now, too and they'll they'll ask they'll be like who's gonna who is opening too and they'll ask, they'll be like, who's gonna, who is opening? Because if they've seen, if they know that you're with them, it is kind of a cool thing for me to watch. Like them kind of get more of like they're like, oh I like that, I think I saw her with... and I want to see her on this show. I was like,

this is a, it's getting back to the place where comedy community I think is getting stronger again. Because it goes through waves of very singularity like everyone wants to be like it's my show It's about me, and now I feel like everyone's trying to help more people kind of I feel like it Which is where it should be in the first place. It's the nicest I mean you I get when certain headliners are like no I just want to use the local people in each city which is its own sure it's cool thing But I I tore the Jim Norton for three years he changed my life completely like to get

to give the opportunity back to somebody else is like the greatest feeling. That's what you're supposed to do. Yeah. It feels like the thing that like I can hear my dad being like that's what you have to do. Yeah. Like go say hi to her. You're like I don't want to say hi to her. You know like some aunt and he's like do it. Hug her. Do it.

She sends you money every year for your birthday You're like hi aunt Susie She smells weird. Yeah, she's stay. Why does she smell every time stop? She has cancer. We stop Something horribly dark that's what it but that's what it's like Yeah, no you're bringing up for the next generation is good and also torn with Jim has got to be super fun Oh my God. I mean, he's a lunatic. He's the best.

It was a wild time. It was, I think a lot of it, a lot of the stories I got from it were from Club Soda Kenny. Oh yeah, we just talked about Club Soda Kenny. This guy's getting so much pride. Oh yeah, that's crazy. He's everywhere, man.

Yeah, he used to, he would do like the God Mike offstage to bring me up, but he would always go, "'Ladies and and gentlemen Jim Norton and people go ah and then he go but first and you could just hear the whole crowd like God and then I'd walk out and then they just specially be like looks like a good time to take a dump like file out for 20 minutes oh that's so mean to intro like that I think that's so mean to do that.

You have to give someone the prop up a little bit, like get them a little bit amped up. I try to sell it as much as I can. It's also weird that they hear you or they think you're gonna come out and you bring out someone else. And it's almost like, well, I don't wanna hear them go, ah, I don't wanna hear them groan

because I'm not out there. That's so mean I try to hype it up a little bit. So to Kenny man. You're you're an evil evil man, but first Oh, he used to you know, those like really they're so trashy the Victoria's Secret like tote bags that women have free with purchase whatever That was like my exclusive like my day-to-day purse. I was such a trash move, but whatever So it was like my travel bag with me And I would be you know we have to get to the airport fucking five thirty morning

I'd look like absolute garbage just a dumpster fire no makeup greasy hair But I'd have that bag with me and we'd be walking down Just like the quiet terminal, and he would shout at like six in the morning Victoria's secret model coming through. No, dude. And everybody would stop and try to find where I was, and then they would stare at me for just long enough to be like, no, she's not. I'd be like, ah.

It was like a brutal way to start the day. You're just your self-esteem immediately in the toilet for people to like just gauge you long enough to be like, no. No, she's not, I don't think she, there's no way, right? There's no way. Yeah, but it is nice to have the conversation. It's funny that somebody goes,

man, I don't know, have I seen her in something? It's also, I told him like when people recognize me and stuff, like it's always fun, but sometimes like, you know, like they'll catch you off guard at the airport because you're like out of it. You're tired You're sleepy, and I was sitting on a flight and this black dude was like waiting He was like standing in the in there You know it was backed up the line and I'm sitting down I'm kind of on my phone, and it's early, and he goes yo

You that do from that shit? And I looked up, and I was like oh hey man. What's up like I'm trying to keep it You know like trying to be a little bit quiet. It's the morning. He's like oh, yeah, yo yo Oh, yeah, you yeah, oh, yeah, oh yeah, bro And then he turns around into the jet bridge like back into the jeopardy his buddy He goes hey some motherfucker from that shit that we saw on that arm, and he's trying to explain to and I see the guy Poke his head. He goes that's that dude from that shit. What up man. I'm like holy shit. It's the most uncut You're like I'm folding inside myself cuz you know everyone else is sitting around like who the fuck is this guy exactly?

Who is this idiot that they know this red-headed guy and then they keep going like I don't see someone go sorry I don't know who you are. What do these guys and then you have to go? I'm nobody man. This is very weird It's not weird. He's explaining. Yeah, I'm like nobody please don't I have no other thing to say. I'm so sorry. I don't know who I've ever seen you You're like, it's fine. Let's just be quiet about it. Let's just let's just go let's go to Syracuse I have a job tonight to do Let's go to Syracuse Please name your next tour that guy from that shit that guy from you that guy from that shit guy from that shit

By the way, it actually is kind of that's that's pretty yeah That shit that guy from you that guy from that shit guy from that shit by the way it actually is kind of that's that's Pretty yeah That guy from that shit you know you from you that do from that shit And the way he said it was so like I knew he didn't know and he was never gonna get it So I didn't even try yeah, you know when someone's like how do I how do I've seen you? Have I seen you on it, and then you can't go well and then name your resume so I have to go Oh, yeah, I don't know man. I had something yeah That's yeah I guess you've seen it.

And I didn't want him to search for it, because I knew he was going to stand there for an hour and be like, yeah, come on, man, I don't want to know you. Oh, brutal, yeah. You're on that shit, right? You're on that shit? I'm on the shit? I'm one of the guys on the shit? I am, I am on the shit. You are right, though, that is our office. I think it's, it's, it's, um, we sit, we sit for more hours inside of an airport

or transporting to and from airports than anybody could ever imagine. No, it's horrifying. You have over a million on anybody? I think half a million on Delta. I do Delta now. I got half a million on Delta. Do you, okay. And I have a million, 1.2 and a half on America.

Oh my God. That's disgusting. That's what's so crazy for some people, they're like, whoa, and for us, we're like, that's gross. It's's so crazy for some people like whoa and for us We're like that's gross. It's sad. That's a little bit sad It's just like a reminder of how little you actually are where you're supposed to be yeah, like we live here, and it's like well I'm not here I've said that one time I went home

I was like is this my house do I live here like I don't even feel like I fucking live here anymore It's such a weird thing like Chad and I have our dream house now Yeah, and we don't get to be in it because we have to leave to pay for it Yeah, you gotta leave to pay for the house. Yeah, you guys you guys know you never toured together Have you we're about to in April for three dates? Whoa, we're gonna do a theater in Long Island a theater in Jersey and then a casino in Philly Oh, yeah, so I'm very excited for that We did a show together once in Minneapolis a while ago where we went on stage together

After telling like we went on stage by ourselves told jokes about each other and then we went back on stage together and like each person had to have their chance to give their side of the joke and like defend very good defend their point and so we're gonna do that a little bit a little point counterpoint there how dark does it get do you take real shots? Alright apparently patrons only fans now, I guess Patrons where we do our couples therapy. That's where you really get it out paid couples therapy. Yeah, that's fantastic Make the fans pay for your pay for your pain. They're getting it the other way might as well Let them in the room while you're getting through the bullshit Are you guys you're not married? Are you married? You're not married? We're not but so funny we own a house together

We just got life insurance. You're married. We're married. Yeah, you are if you have property together, dude, and you have life insurance So if he dies you get it you die he gets it. Yeah. Yeah, you're married. We're married It's the same shit. He's I know he's planning on proposing at some point I don't know when or how but we've done it's just been in a weird order We've done all the like deeply unromantic shit first, but it makes me feel mature, makes me feel like I'm getting married for good reasons, where I'm like, I don't care about the dress

and all that shit anymore. I'm like, I love that we have fucking life insurance. It feels like adult shit. Yeah, I don't know, I like it. Yeah, in case something happens. Yeah in case and then you know Yeah, then you get all that money you live in that house You don't have to travel it's a weird view. I've never had life insurance with somebody It is so weird when you sign that and you kind of look at each other like don't you fucking do anything weird?

It's the grossest thing I just hope I know you We had the phone call about it. It's like it's And they're like, and when you're dead, who gets this? Yeah. And you're like, I guess if we both are dead, my sister, and then maybe my parents. And like, your parents will probably be dead, so who's next? And you're like, oh my god, dude. Okay. Isn't it horrifying? And it is gross, you have to go down the list of who probably is dead. And who would you leave whatever to?

You know, who gets all this stuff that you've acquired All the bullshit that you've acquired. It's very Dismal we went out and had a drink afterwards. I was gonna get food and a drink Let's go to the let's go to the factory What's that what what date night for what date night for two comedians that go out together Where are you? Where are you two going for date night? We, I feel like we do a lot of things around sports. He has wild season tickets.

And he splits up with some friends. So I feel like I had never gone to hockey games before dating him. And Minnesota is like the hockey state. It's so fun. I love it. So we go to like a decent amount of hockey games. We'll just go to like dinner and- Local spots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guys go to like a decent amount of hockey games We'll just go to like dinner and local spots. Yeah, you guys go to Minnesota University of Minnesota games because that's hot

They that's like big. Yeah, that's like we haven't I think he's been wanting to yeah, but a wild fan, huh? Is he from Minnesota is that how this all happened? Yes from Fergus Falls, so it's like up. It's by Fargo It's like way way up there small town But yeah, it just it made more sense for me to move there than for him to move to Spokane And I was both be touring out of Spokane. Okay. Yeah, you know the top corner of the world. Yeah So you also don't look like you're from Spokane take that as a compliment That's it for me It's just a different place it's its own little world, huh?

This Spokane was the meth capital of America for a really long time. And you never got hit. You never once got hit. And I'm in the foosball community. I mean, that's like a real crazy statistic that Spokane and foosball, no meth. Aren't you ranked?

Weren't you ranked at one point? Yeah, I mean like- Don't be humble, that's annoying. Just do it. Just do the thing. Well, they're different. I mean, you can be like a master, you can be a pro, you can be a semi-pro. I never went to enough tournaments to like move up to that level. So I don't know where my ranking

is now. It's not great. People devote their time to foosball the way I do to stand up. And so if I go to a tournament now, I can do fine. But like you play people who it is their life right and it's they're unbelievable I can still like I'll beat the average person almost always yeah that's such an unfair advantage right it's like the reason I exist it can you play can Chad play yeah he can play but good you cook him I don't go he's getting better he cooks me at everything else it's the only thing that's the only thing I can beat him at. That's kind of hot though. That draws some real sexual attention.

You just beating the shit out of him and foosball just toying with him. Like no big deal. Are you gonna cook dinner? That's so great to me. That's really fun. I do like that. That's great to have that thing over him.

What do you mean he beat you at everything else? Like physically. No, I'm kidding. Oh, good. That's on the Patreon. Guys, sign up for the Patreon. Oh, I'm kidding. Like ping pong, darts. Oh he's bar game god. Bar game god.

Yeah he can do it all. Like if we shoot hoops. I feel like I usually beat people at like pig horse. He beats me. You got a good stroke. I've seen you on the court. You got a good, you got a little wrist flick there. That's all from Foozin'. Yeah. Yeah you got the touch from Foozin'. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Booking.com, the official accommodation partner of MLB.

Booking.com, Booking.yeah. You know what's going on right now. It's springtime. Can you feel it in the air? I feel it. You're gonna get out and about. You're gonna get out from under that rock, brush off the dust, the Cheeto dust off your chest, and get off of that couch and start traveling. Whenever I'm running around, always clutch to check out booking.com. You know them. They got the best deals in the world. All right? Spraying means baseball is back, ladies and germs, and booking.com is official accommodation partner of MLB. You know that, you love it. You've seen Booking.com all over the place, you know.

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required. Price varies baseders. I love bar. Bar game is like dude, I'm I will admit I got some skills. Darts, bowling, love bowling. Oh yeah, it kills me at bowling, kills me at tennis. We both really love sports. That's like our, I feel like the thing we do the most when we're out of the house, but the foosball is like my one thing. Foosball is the thing. Yeah. Yeah, dude I went we had a foosball table when I was a kid and everybody just cheated and then someone drunk would like lean up the table yeah it's so funny foosball is such a it's a it's a sport it's a it's a it's a game sport game game games it's a sport it's a sport all right there it is yeah no but it's words it's it's a sport right all sports play games all sports play games

But not all games play sport not all games are sports exactly. All right ESPN though choke. Come on now. It wasn't on Yeah, but so is uh So is bags and bags is a hundred percent not a sport bags is a game and I love bags Yeah, and also we call it bags not cornhole I don't like cornhole cornhole bothers the shit out of me. I say cornhole I was like why the what are you talking about bags baby bags all day? It's a go outside go get the bag shut up for us. It just sounds nice bags. Well, okay How about this all sounds sexual for no reason? Yeah, It's like, why are we bringing- this doesn't need to happen. This is a family function.

Yep. Close up my cornhole, please. It's fucking cool laid out here. What are we doing? What? So- It's the kids around? Okay, what do you call it? Soda or pop? Mmm, what do I call it? I guess both? Is that weird? They call it both? No.

It's not- I mean, I exclusively call it pop. Okay, yeah, yeah. It's- Chicago has always said pop. Soda to me is soda water. If you said soda, I would think you want soda water. Do they call it soda in the Pacific Northwest? Well that's what I'm trying to think. I think we say both. You know what I do say that Chad finally like got out of me was I used to say else. I would put a T in the word else.

Oh what else? Yeah something else and he's like that why are you saying that? There's not a T anywhere near that word not even close to it and so then I would catch myself and now I don't anymore but now I notice you'll hear it all the time now so many people say I when you said it I kind of was like read I've heard people like oh and what else what else is there isn't that weird yeah that is funny not a well that's like here's one of my huge pet peeves in language massive I hate when people say well me personally, it drives me fucking up a wall.

You said it twice. You're saying me me. You wouldn't go me personally. Well personally it is you dude. You don't have to go, well me personally, I just feel it's like, don't do that! Don't say me me twice. So me me feels that I don't know what it is. I'm not a grammar Nazi, but when I hear people

say it, it always bugged me. Even when I was young you'd hear someone saying you're like why would you say me personally? That doesn't what do you say you're saying it again? I'm in here all the time. Yeah me personally people do say that a lot in an argument You'll hear like a politician like well me personally I just don't feel that way and it drives me nuts it literally kills me I can't do it, but I'm not I'm not gonna correct people on the I'm not gonna do that that one That I don't like when someone's like well in public I let it go But I stew and then I think about it when I'm at home and you picture him dead picture him in that mall, baby

In that mall dude, yeah now so sports are the big thing But do you have any sports that you guys like do you have any competitive teams where you're like can't root together or you? root on everything together? Well me personally, I'm a Seattle Cubs. Yes! That was a waiting tour. Loved it. So being from Washington, grew up watching Seahawks,

but I was never like huge football person. He is a diehard Vikings fan, and so when I moved over, them were watching Vikings all the time, and now we did go to a Seahawks Vikings game and I did cheer for the Vikings, which felt felt kind of that hurts. That's a little unnecessary We were such a good team this I know but what do your parents feel about it? That's enough out of you Okay, turn your mic off this guy Yeah, he is in the fuck we put the baby over there for a reason

No, but that it that I get it We talked about this before on the show that like I get criticized if I roof I've been living in LA for almost 20 years Yeah, man. I'm gonna roof a local team. Sometimes. It's fun. I live here. I got like what else am I supposed to fucking do? Yeah, you're gonna not go to these games and not I want to go enjoy it Yeah, and it's hard to not get sucked in so I get it you becoming I get it. Thank you It's also not a direct Seahawks and Vikings don't have a weird history it's not like they've got some tumultuous past nobody cared it's fine yeah can I ask are you a sports superstition person I could be I guess I mean it depends on what like what

specifically like okay so Chad and I just had a big yeah yeah good let me hear it this was a few months ago. The Vikings were playing the Bears, actually. Chad bets on all the games. He needed the Vikings to win by more than four. And there was a minute and a half left, and the Vikings were up by 11. So again, I'm still learning a lot about football. I didn't know that a minute and a half

is still like a lot of game left. There's a lot of game. Oh, good enough I'm on a game, yeah. But I just saw the score and I knew what his bet was and so I was like, Hey, congrats! Oh no. No, no, no, I already know. I just saw your-

I'm on his side. I saw your asshole go, boop, boop. Yeah, that's crazy. You saw my cornhole pucker up. I closed up. Dude, that's a no-no! I know. Guys, what are you doing? I was just, I had just like pure love in my heart. I was just excited for it. I closed up dude. That's a no no I had just like pure love in my heart. I was just excited for him. I was like congrats, and he goes What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah? Why would you say that? I was like look I buy 11 minutes good, and you said it out loud

I said it and it's so okay in a minute and a half the Bears scored 11 points Yeah, they tied it it went into overtime. The Vikings still won but not by more than four points and Chad was like, I can't believe you lost me in my pocket bet. And I was like, are you serious? Like you actually think that me saying that, just sitting on our couch, lost you the bet,

he's like, well we'll never know. I was like, this is insanity. That's a good fight and I gotta tell you, you're wrong here, yeah. He is so right, you did fuck that up. You cost them that game No, I just you can't say you can't say anything you got to let it sit Just let it be until game is done. It's not over till it's over although

The Eagles really proved that that theory is not true because they celebrated a two minutes and 45 54 seconds They've already did the Gatorade dump. They knew they were beating the Chiefs I mean they yeah their ass dump Gatorade almost three minutes left because they knew they were beating the Chiefs. I mean, they whipped their ass, dumped Gatorade almost three minutes left, because they knew they were beating the, well, I mean, it's probably one of the worst Super Bowls I've seen, and that's, not taking a shout at the Chiefs, it was just a bummer, because I thought it would be

a more competitive game, but not to get too deep into it. But it was just, you know, it was over. Mine and Chad's argument about that, I was watching the Super Bowl and saw the Gatorade thing I was like, so okay, it's like actually there's no way they can come out. He's like, yeah I'm like have like PTSD. I'm like, I don't know shaking in the corner Get back in the kitchen broad. You'll not comment about sports again. You see yeah, it is no I get but I do have weird I guess it is for me if I have bet on if I'm if I have a bet on yeah

I don't want to talk to anybody. That's why like we go sometimes to, there's a Bears bar here that we go see, but I got so frustrated watching with other people that now I'm like, I'd rather be at home. Are you a screamer when you watch? Yeah, I probably, yeah, I cuss, yeah. I'm like my dad. You're a ginger. Yeah, we yell. You're fiery.

Yeah, we're fiery. We're angry. Well, it's also, I don't want to hear some other idiots comment Okay, go to a bar and hear some other dickhead say something they're like shut up Even if he's on your side, you know what I mean? It's it he'll say something you're like that's almost worse Yeah, you're wrong. Shut up. You're on my team. Shut up. I don't like what you're saying So I I'm not a fan of watching with big groups in public I'd rather have a couple people over the house if we're gonna watch a game But look Chicago sports haven't had any sort of

championship runs anytime in the recent history so we haven't had like a moment of like don't jinx it we don't know we're jinxing ourselves every season and every every fucking sport we have the Cubs Cubs Cubs 2016 yeah 2016 was almost a decade ago dude it's a long I mean, Minnesota hasn't really had anything. I know. Yeah, but Minnesota Bud Vikings did make a big run this year, and that was also great to watch. Even as a competitive Bears fan who, I don't really dislike Minnesota the way I don't like the Lions or the Packers, just because I grew up like that. But still, I was happy for them, because I was like,

oh, this could be great to watch them, and I like so many guys on that team, but yeah, I do think unfortunately. I'm gonna go with Chad I'm gonna side with him on this one. He's right. He really is you gotta be quiet I can't do it if there's no money on the game. I think this is a different argument Well, it's probably just better if he doesn't tell me what his bets are correct That's what I'm saying. There's nothing for me to even jinx and I just won't say does he have lucky clothes Does he wear lucky stuff? Oh, he does that not like craziness not like place on the couch. I Think occasionally Wow, I can't he's like probably like what are you talking about?

Maybe not but I feel like there's been times where he's what about like a meal when he watches He have to eat a certain thing or drink a certain thing or whatever there was a specific pizza streak for a While maybe he's I don't know yeah, you should come on and defend himself right but for sure like the out loud Jinxing sort of thing is like uh-uh. Yeah, it's a big no-no can't do it, and you should know better You really do you're so smart. You're such a smart human being you know that is that that is like right before you go on stage Someone making some dumb comments, and it sits with you, you're like, why would you say that? I don't want to hear that. Why would you do that to me?

It's like the Seinfeld episode when the pilots in the audience are like, what? I don't want to know the pilots in the fucking audience. That drives me. In fact, sometimes if I'm getting off a plane and the flight attendants will say, hey, good luck tonight. And I'm like, oh, thank you so much. They're like, we're going to go. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

It's like, I'm like, oh, thank you so much. They're like, we're gonna go. And I'm like, oh, fuck. It like, I'm like, okay. But it's like, I'm never gonna see them again. But you're also like, I wonder where the flight attendants are if they're here. Like I think about it. It like gets in your brain for some reason. I'll see you tonight, good luck. Or sometimes I'll get,

I don't know if you ever get this one. Someone's like, I wanted to come see you, but we couldn't get tickets. And even when you're like, really, but there's still tickets available? And they're see you but um we couldn't get tickets and even when you're like Really, but there's still tickets available. No. Yeah, we couldn't get them They're wanting you to go do you want me? You want to get you tickets? Okay, yeah, I don't ever care. Yeah, I know that's why they're saying it yeah

I don't think that show sold out yet. No like yeah, we couldn't get them you're like all right Yeah, that's that's so I had very divisive put that together Yeah, I for sure had that happen and I was like oh, that's just maybe they just like didn't want to get a sitter or something I talked to a buddy about this. This is incredible. I want you to search on your phone This is amazing because it just brought this up. Okay, so he said to me hold on You don't have to do it now, but at some point you have to search This is incredible He said to me, hold on, you don't have to do it now, but at some point you have to search, this is incredible, search in your text messages,

and this is for comics, I hate to ask. Search the phrase I hate to ask. I hate to ask, because you know it's coming, it's like, hate to ask, but can I get, and it may not be just for you, it may be like, I saw that your friend Taylor's coming to town and I hate to ask, but. Oh my God. So he goes, we're at dinner, he goes, search in your text message bar, maybe like, can you know, I saw that your friend, Taylor's come into town and I hate to ask. I hate to ask, oh my God. So he goes, we're at dinner, he goes,

search in your text message bar, just search, I hate to ask, and I was like, all right. I did, it was so many more than I ever thought, I was like, oh my God, but it's always led by, I hate to ask, and then the request, right? And then at the very end, they always go, no worries if not, right? Or or whatever or it's all good if not And my buddy and I were saying you should start it

He goes the way I do it because he's an entertainment to he goes I write requests up top so they know making a request Okay, and then they write Here's what I'm asking of you and then at the end I do not write all good or no worries or anything He goes that should come after they make a decision. So if they go, just can't help, dah, dah, dah, all good, no worries. Then you say all good, no worries. You don't already preface it with all good, no worries, because then the implication is, I really want you to do this for me.

But like, if you can't, it is what it is. And it's like, well, then it's more weird, more pressure on me. It's the most people pleasery, like I don't want to rub it in. I'm just going to cover all bases in this one. I hate I hate to ask you got to look that up when you leave I ask it's such funny timing because so my special came out today yeah and I and go watch it right now pause the pod go watch the special go watch the special right now come back though I'd like you to come back just go back but watch the special it's on hulu and it's on YouTube even if you don't have Hulu you can watch it on YouTube

I think everyone don't they just give Hulu away now isn't like a thing that exists isn't it like a is it free now? It's like free with like isn't it Donald's. It's not free, but it's you can get a bondo you bundle it It's free loops with other stuff because Hulu is owned by Disney. That's right, baby. I'm on Hulu too later this year Let's go. What's the special called again mark your territory mark your territory available on available on Hulu and YouTube. Go watch, go watch, go watch, go watch. Okay, come back, go ahead. Okay, so I'm in that this like week of press and I was gonna text just a bunch of comics and be like, hey, hate to ask. Hate to ask, but...

Could you just give my special shout out on your story? Don't even say it. Don't even say, hey, to ask. Just go, hey, my special just came out. Would be really bad if you dropped a shout out for me. But don't. And I'm not going to do, if not no worries. Don't do that.

I won't. I won't, no. I'm so glad we haven't. People who know who you are. OK, if you have the, and this applies for people outside of our business. We're not inside baseball. This is just for people in public.

If you have a favor you need to ask of a friend, honestly, just say it, get it out, and you don't have to pander and be like, I hate to do this, da da da. No, you don't. I know you. I'm asking you because I know you. The relationship is obviously familiar enough to go, hey, would you do this? And it's yes or no. If somebody goes, hey man, I don't really do that, no problem.

That's fine. That's all good. We also, when we get asked for a favorite, if it's a friend, we never give a fuck. Of course. I don't even think about it. Happy to do it. Unless it's somebody who asks and I'm not that,

I don't know that well. And then I'm like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. But also. I'm gonna remember this. Just remember this, you know what I mean? This will, I need to write back, I will do this. I'm gonna do this. But also... I'm gonna remember this. Just remember this, you know what I mean? This will...

I need to write back, I will remember this. You will remember... You should remember this. I will log this in. I absolutely will remember this. I've done... I will do almost anything for people in the community if I can or if it's necessary or appropriate.

But I get it, but there is this weird thing in common culture where you're like, why do we feel so... I just don't like when we feel this like innate thing to be like, hey, I don't really want to do this. It's like, but you do, just fucking do it, just get it out of the way. People do that when they say hi, sometimes in public they go, I hate to do this to you, ma'am, but you get a photo. It's like, you don't hate to do it, just say, can I get a photo?

It's fine, it's just do it. It makes it feel more weird when you're like, look, dude, I know you're fucking at the airport Right yeah My wife was mad we even came over here, and she's in the back, and she's like don't just take the photo Please just let him take a goddamn photo No, but I mean it's fine. Just asking it over so from now on everyone in public Don't don't don't lead with I hate to ask

And don't end with all good if not or no worries that comes after the yes or no interesting This is moving forward in like I love it. I sound like a language brat now like I'm all into the technicals of like a social etiquette Yeah, I like it. Well. We should fix a few of them give me I know you've got one loaded up as a touring comedian There's also a social etiquette that bothers the shit out of all of us. You know? Oh God. I mean, first of all, don't fucking try to get off the plane before you're supposed to.

Oh my God. I mean, I wanna kill you. I'm gonna shoot you in the head. I'm gonna kill you. I wanna kill you. I wanna fucking kill you. I put my leg into the... Yeah, you gotta block him. Block him. It's so crazy. It's still every flight I'm on. Every flight. It'll never not be there. Also, there's my other social etiquette. It's still every flight I'm on. Every flight. Somebody's doing it. It'll never not be there.

Also, this is my other social etiquette. Yeah, are you in a city you've never been to before and you're with a group of people? Don't stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Pull to the side. If you're gonna, dude, come on. It's insane. Pull over! Just like you are in a car.

You wouldn't fucking meander in a car when you're like, is this the baby? Pull over. It kills me. Middle of the road. No, but they'll stop in the middle of the sidewalk like and they'll be shocked, you'll be like excuse me, and they'll be like oh god this guy's walking? Yeah dude, you're on the thoroughfare.

We all have to do this. Yes, you're on the thoroughfare. I have so many of them. How about this one, at a bar I always said if I owned a bar, after 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock, right? After dinner hour is slowly fading into bar hour now.

If you are up at that bar, seated, and you're sitting at the bar, don't be fucking shocked. People are bumping into you, getting a drink. You're at the place we need to go. Great point. You're at the fucking, you're at the thing that has the shit that all of us need in the room. You took the seats that had no wait time Mm-hmm, so you get you get a little bit you give a little bit. That's exactly right

You know you know what you're getting into you're gonna get bumped and by the way You're probably gonna get a drinks about on you that's gonna happen someone's gonna grab a drink And it's gonna pour you're gonna go god dude. What the fuck you're at the thing I Think we should remove stools a chunk of stools There's a couple of bars in here in LA that I go to my little heat It's my little favorite gems and they have the rails that used to be where servers go So they left the rails up the servers go to the other side now But the rails are for people to order at so they're not bumping into patrons

So that's an open spot no stools allowed and I thought that should be at every fucking bar Yeah, there should be a set of rails at least one or two if the bar if the woods long So you're not bump so I don't have to go excuse me man and sliver in between a guy and go Vodka soda, and I don't need to do that because it's also you don't just slither in for one second. You're you're parking I'm parking yeah, maybe five whole minutes. Yes between two people. I'm putting my flashers on and I'm double-parked, and I have to be in here I'm sorry It happened literally last night and this guy kind of like turned like I gave me what the fuck and I took everything inside I'm gonna be like you're at the thing

We're all coming here, dude. You're in the dead center of the fucking of where we go So you may as well be sitting on the counter like Guys You just know my dream Yeah, that's exactly where you're sitting. That's where you're sitting where we are. This is where we need to go By the way shout out to crisscross applesauce. I know you're a good. You're a good little Christian crisscross applesauce How long did it take for us to get rid of sitting Indians out? It was so funny They really shook that out of culture They're like do not say Indian styles

By the way, here's the best part about it. I can't sit like that cuz I bad knees so I'm good I have bad knees. I can't even get down that far Oh my god, whenever whenever I see people seated like that as an adult. I'm like that is a flexible adult That's how old I'm getting if I see someone sitting there like look at that flexible adult that you can do that Yeah, I can't sit that way crisscross hard pretzel Fluidity of applesauce in your knees is just like I'm crisscross hard pretzel and no dipping sauce. It's stale This is three day old rotating pretzel in the case. It's crackable. It's hard as a rock We speaking of we did just buy for the shoe

Well, we bought and I hadn't had him in years the pre-packaged frozen pretzels that you heat up the Bavarian pretzel God Phenomenal a game changer we've been buying those two. They're so good parties bake them the oven. I make homemade mustard I'm coming over grandma's sweet hot mustard. It's this like famous recipe. It's so fucking good. It will send your nose hairs off It's very spicy horseradish in there No, but it tastes like there is yes Coleman's mustard powder. Oh, yeah, the mustard powder. Oh, yeah Coleman's those British. That's about the only spicy thing in British culture We do mustard right don't we?

No other spices except if you go to Indian food there, but British food It's the most it's there is no no spice literally knows so so mustard sauce Is beer in there? Do you put any beer in the mustard? No? It's just eggs the mustard powder malt vinegar and sugar Gave away grandma's secret just like that Oh, that's true. I don't say if I can make it is she alive. No, what would you call her Nana Nana? No, no needy grandma. Just grandma. That's what your family did you ended up with Grandma you ended up with the literal word You didn't give her a nickname. No god. That's weird, dude Grandma

That's insane you got to give him a nickname. I had a Nana I had a nanny And it was Paul I had a nanny, and it was Paw. Paw and Poppy. Paw, Poppy, Nana. Out on the prairie. Yeah. Me and Paw. Me and Paw, they're from the South, it was appropriate.

We were in North Carolina. That was nanny and Paw. Paw Paw. Oh my God. That was Paw Paw. One of my dads, the other from North Carolina, one of my dad's cousins was named Elvis. I was like, that's not even real.

I never met an Elvis in my entire fucking life. Fuck, that's so weird. He's like, yeah, that was named Elvis. I was like that's not even real I never met an Elvis in my entire fucking life. He's like yeah, that's cousin Elvis I was like son of a bitch, dude. Who would have the balls to name your kid after that Elvis crazy Jesus yeah, yeah, like you can't you can do that you could you could be like we named my son Michael after Michael Jackson We loved Michael Jackson. It's Michael doesn't matter, but Elvis is so deliberately named after him Michael Jackson. It's Michael doesn't matter. But Elvis is so deliberately named after him. Prince. It's like, Madonna. Madonna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no mistaken. What's Madonna's real name? Is it Madonna? No. Look, none of us know though. No, I guess we don't. Is her name Madonna? Because Prince's real name is Prince. Prince's real name is Prince. That is correct.

Minnesota shout out. Prince is Minnesota's finest. In here, we pour whiskey. March Madness is here. Boy oh boy, I'm on the edge of my seat constantly. It's been incredible. If you're like me, you want a little skin in the game, want a little action, huh? While watching you need to download Profitex today. I don't know what you're waiting for.

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Go to helixsleep.com slash whiskey. Helixsleep.com slash whiskey to get yourself a beautiful deal from March Madness. 20% off, site-wide. Go get it and get yourself some good rest will ya You didn't know that's his real name. What's Madonna's real name young lad? It's gotta be Madonna right down to Louise Veronica. Go on a chick on a chick. Oh wow see It's a great name. I've learned so much this episode. That's what we do here. Thank you for having me. This is so educational. Thank you for coming. If you had a kid, what would you name it?

Oh God. Do you guys wanna have a kid? No. Good for you. So he has two adult children. He has a 25 year old and a 21 year old. Cause he had kids young. Oh, that's right, he had kids young. Yeah, that's right.

And he's older than me. So that would be- I heard how you said that by the way. And he's older than me. Chad, you gotta come on the show and defend yourself by the way. Let's get him on the show. No, listen. I just talk about all of my special, how much I love that he's older than me Chad you got to come on the show and defend yourself by the way. Let's get him on the show Listen, I just talk about all my special how much I love that. He's older than me. Yeah, it's so great. It's the best

He's mature. He's been through it such a man. Yeah, I just like uh, I think especially as like a comic It's kind of an anomaly to fight. It's like he has his shit. So together. He had kids so young It's like he always had to Try to make it but also provide and be a good dad so he just I don't know he's just like always has it together And he's got it figured out except for his crippling sports gambling addiction jinx jinx jinx jinx Jing-sable rage yeah his rage coming from that, but what would you if you guys did if you popped one out? What would you name your kid would you do an obscure thing or would you keep it?

kind of standard I Would maybe somewhere in the middle nothing nothing like Apple nothing weird yeah apples pretty wild going with Paltrow II But I wouldn't go like Megan no Megan. Yes, can't do Megan Yeah, could you could do you see cuz now I was talking to a buddy You know and he was like His he was like oh my favorite thing you know like I love to fish all about door stuff And I was like he was like searching for there. I was like. I don't think there's a lot of outdoor words

You know I mean yeah like hiking and like you can't I know that I was like what is the like trail you can't name I'm like trail walleye and walleye name them walleye. Yeah, but what we were joking about about rock climbing He was like what's it called belay is it belay? Belay right when you go down is that my wrong belay. I know what you're talking about I was like it sounds like a French words you could get away with it. You know belay. It's like oh my god He's foreign Yeah, belay I think means to belay on means like When you like when you go when you hoist them down. I think I think I'm fucking crazy

Is it belay is it spelled Billy? well, dude Billy rock climb down means it no no just look up bi LL et belay belay belay belay rock climb I don't know, but I was like there's no outdoor terms that you could We're trying to find it really hard. Yeah, la why yeah belay is that right? Yeah, belay, but but does sound for but also He said you know fishing. Oh, and then we were joking. I was like bobber do not name a girl bobber Please I mean that is that's a girl given head

Yeah, oh here comes the bobber Can't call a large mouth either no can't call her small mouth either. It's just as insulting as large mouth no fishing Thanks nothing with no she could be a carp Yeah, here comes carp carpe although for a guy Carpe is kind of a cool nickname. It's like a baseball player. Yeah carp. I could that's a very dude sounding When they have their head in a carp carp cook Minneapolis, Minnesota my favorite foods pizza Every movies Avengers

Carp cook is pretty rad. I'm about to rip out my IUD The world needs Comedians The world needs carb cook Their favorite food is always pizza by the whatever the little league guys League guys, they're always like, My favorite food is pizza. It's like, no shit. It should say favorite food, no shit. You guessed it. Of course you know. And also, what I found over the years that I always loved watching the Little League World Series,

I think it's like the cutest thing. Well, what's cute about it is, you see like little hustlers, and then you see grown men playing. You're like, that's a 14-year-old boy. He's 6'3", 225. You're like, that's a 14 year old boy that six three two twenty five like that's a 14 year old now and They always have like every season changes over Who their favorite they always do like their favorite food they do their favorite actor or rapper or singer or whatever Yeah, and you see a change with the trends, but there's always like one kid That which I always love they'll do like you know the like you know my favorite food

There's pizza and I love and I love Drake you know or whatever it was and then one season You always have one kid. That's like my favorite food is macaroni cheese, and I love chaperone He's different he's different than all which one of these things is not like the other Look isn't sports nothing cuter. It's like the greatest thing. I just go to watch them. I just go without kids. I don't have kids. I just go to the fields and watch them. Just a lurk. Yeah.

Do you have nieces and nephews? Yeah, nieces. Two girls. But it's so funny now. We talked about this just yesterday. One just had a birthday. Okay. And she was sick and I felt bad. I was texting her and I was like, I'm so sorry you're sick on your birthday. I know that's like the biggest bummer in the world. Especially when you're like in your teens, you're like,

this means the world to me. Like you know birthdays in your teens. It's my day, yes. It's ruining my day! The norovirus! But you know like and the other one drives now which is like Oh my god. Lowing my mind.

I don't know it's one of those things where you it just you see them grow and I don't know there's you I they're not even mine but you're like oh man I miss when I like when I like blew them away by some stupid thing that's so rad now you're never gonna blow their mind they reach that 14 and up 13 and up you're boring. They're they're cooler than you They don't want you anywhere near you. I think you're all right. Yeah, like yeah, he's on TV Which in reality it's like so many people like oh my god be so cool to be Andrew Santino's niece No, that's whatever. He's kind of a nor is a nerd. Yeah, you see my Christmas. He's super annoying Cuz yeah teenage girls

There's no chance that they think you're cool anymore like they're that you lose cool as soon as they can drive you suck you're done but they're both very sweet and nice still but I think there's no way they think that we're you know yeah we're old we're so old I remember my dad turned 40 I was like fuck dude when does he die soon now we had a party for him for Lordy Lordy Jeff turned 40 that was like oh Lord Jeff turned 40 40 that was like oh Lord Jeff turned 40 and that was like such a big deal and I thought what happens at 40 yeah is that when you retire at 40 I thought that was the end of time isn't

it weird to think about like your elementary school teachers we all thought that they were a thousand they were like 26 yeah they're 25 years old I know like fresh out of college they just got there's the first job right oh my god look at how old miss Mac is dude look at how old she can't even bend over little old she is yeah they were they were but also I think now teachers are younger than we always did have there were some older ladies there were some dinosaurs and now I feel like it's all they're all young I don't think you ever see in elementary schools they're all like 22 or 23 years old yeah old women quit they

all they all got out of it well they're all like 22 or 23 years old. Old women quit. They all got out of it. Well, they're all boozing on the job too. Mr. Hart, my business teacher in high school, Mr. Hart, for sure RIP. I mean, I don't know, he's definitely not around. There's no way. He was in his 60s then. And he was boozed up and was not even shy about it. Like people would be like, dude, Hart stinks like booze. And he would be like, you know, like, he's just like, shut up. What are you guys would be like You know like it is just like What are you guys rats, you know, we're watching a movie for the fifth day Didn't care at all. No, he didn't he was we had a talent competition like a

Yeah, but it was like a what do you call like a rally what are they pep rally type of thing? Whatever and they had like a talent competition. And he was like, I missed the talent competition. But there were some people in here that were in the show. And people were like, oh yeah, so and so and so. And he's like, I want to see it. So he made them do talents in front of their class. In the middle of class. He was like, I wasn't there. I was upset. I was at dinner.

Can you guys do it? People were like, I think somebody sung. He's like, someone get up here and sing. That's how that was high school then. Incredible incredible. Yeah, and no phones cuz there was no phones You couldn't have there was no way to tape that yeah Do you know about that my dad is like an international yo-yo man? Do you know this what okay? So your dad is a yo-yo man my dad. He has like a bunch of I have to see a picture of this wild occupations He's his cook, right? That's your dad

What's your dad's name? I have to look this Chris cook Chris cook. There's a yo-yo man I don't know what will come up for that. I did a video with him on my Instagram. Maybe like a year ago I didn't see that. Okay. Yeah, so he also plays the trumpet. Yes. He that's his main thing He's a trumpet player in the Spokane Symphony cutie pie The trumpet that look with the trumpet is so cute like you want to play a note He's the best awesome. So he used to come to my elementary school and do yo-yo demonstrations like he was the He was the show. He was the show and it's the same like we're talking about your nieces when you're young You're like oh my god. My dad's the coolest like I can't believe that's my dad doing the yo-yos

And then you get to high school, and you're like if you fucking come Your yo-yos like I'm trying to lose my fucking virginity. Yeah, like I need you to get away Hey, I get laid with your fucking yo-yos bouncing around the halls get out of here, man Yeah, then you learn to love it again, and then exactly right you go to that Right now it's like the club is it's so rad so happy to put him on Instagram and people we were on like an Australian Talk show on zoom people love they went super viral right because it's like Sweet it's Everybody loves it's hard to hate a yo-yo guy no one ever sees a guy doing yo-yo like get the fuck out of here man. No one's mad

Tomato what's your deal yo-yo man? Kick rocks, bro. We don't like your kind Guys you keep coming around I'm really sick of their shit Well, that's like bar gotsies dad is a magician and he's like doing shows with them now Right, they're doing a cruise or something. Yeah. I was like, oh, that's kind of wild, too I'm sure same thing Nate was probably like my dad does magic then he was a little bit older. He's like my dad does magic The girlfriends away from that 20 tricks around her. Yeah. He's like ma'am is this your dad Your underwear

Actually, I don't know you like pink dad, please don't do that No, I know I had the opposite experience my parents were like my dad was in sales, and it was like okay So you were the first of your family to do something. Oh my god. Yeah, the last no one else is They're all like I can't believe you're dumb enough to make this your life of your family to do something. Oh my God, yeah. I'm the last, no one else is doing it. They're all like, I can't believe you're dumb enough to make this your life. No, yeah, my parents were very supportive in the sense of like, we're not gonna fund this financially,

but we love that you're trying, so go do something, but if you fail, okay, your fault. Like there was no like, we'll pay for that, you know. That looming fear was probably part of my, the help of my was no like, we'll pay for the blop, you know. That looming fear was probably part of my, the help of my career was like, oh, I would just have to move home. And just figure that out, but they were never gonna be like, we'll send you money until it works out, you know.

And I had a lot of friends around me that were like, out of jobs and lazy, and they just got checks from mom and dad. I was like, dude, what the fuck is that like? I think it's important that you have it the way you did. Yeah, I did What was it? Joan Rivers daughter's podcast Melissa Rivers, and she asked me on there. She was like so what was your safety net and I was like, oh I didn't I

Didn't have one. She's like good She's like that's what my mom always said that if you had a backup plan you weren't Gonna make it. Yeah, that's true. Like you had to feel like I have to go so hard in this that it works out Yeah, otherwise you I mean otherwise I think they come from look I there's plenty people that have been successful that come from very like successful, you know Yeah, that either either nepotism gave him a kiss, you know into the business But yeah Or they just have a lot of wealth to deal with of like they were able to you know

Not have a day job and all that bullshit you had day jobs. Do you have a bunch of day jobs? Yeah, I took mostly like reception sort of jobs where it was like yikes. I get there I mean fuck me so just like hello disrespected Someone real on the phone you got it. Oh my god Yeah, but it was such a good like you clock and you clock it you don't take any work home That is gonna sit you still have enough energy to go out at night and do the shows But oh yeah, I mean so many sort of like devil wears Prada

Vibe jobs where you're like and not fashion companies, but just bosses were like you are nothing to them like you're not a person There is so gross that that's a reality yeah Yeah, the last day job I had was one of those here in LA and One of the people I worked with told me months after I quit that I like came up in a company meeting and that Boss who like just always never gave me the time of day was like, oh yeah, the magician. I was like, I love that's the impression I left on that guy. Yeah, the magician. Yeah, I think she's a touring magician, magic girl.

Maybe she's an assistant there as well. She's probably getting caught up in a box somewhere. No way she's the lead magician. Do they have female lead magicians? Nobody's paying to see her We paid her nothing. No, it is funny. I had somebody say they took over a job that I did a day job and Another comic and he was like, yeah, they talk about you. They're like, oh you're comic, you know, who used to work here I'm like, oh, that's got to be so annoying. Oh my god to be like slotty. Yes

That was like my first apartment in West Hollywood the guy this guy Jay, he was just kind of like a, I don't know, he's probably still around. Yeah. But sweet guy. But Jay was like, we were stripping heaters and we lived in like the basement, me and my two buddies. And he was like, you know who used to live here?

I was like who? He's like Sean Hayes. You know Sean Hayes? I was like, yeah, I know Sean Hayes. Well, great. So he goes, yup, he used to live here. I was like, who? He's like, Sean Hayes. You know Sean Hayes? I was like, yeah, I know Sean Hayes. Well, and Gracie goes, yup, he used to live here. And I was like, that's good for Sean Hayes. He goes, maybe one day, you know, you'll figure it all out. Like doubting the idea.

You know what I mean? It was like, all right, man, dude, shut up. Figure it all out. And I'm coming for you, Sean Hayes. I'm fucking gunning for you, dog. Look out. He stepped into our world. You're in the podcast world, Seanny Hayes Taking you down

No, it is it is funny when they do that to you as if it's like uh is that supposed to make me feel bad or something? Yeah, he's really successful. You'll be fine. You're like alright, dude. Yeah, you keep doing your skits, and we'll see what Meaning oh yeah, how's your skit go with the sketch kit that you do? Oh, that's hard to hear. I love your sketch What you scared a skit sketch good that you bit? What do you guys call them? I? Don't even try when someone in my family, and it's not me making fun of it's just like Whenever they're like when you do the thing. What is your what's your? What's your theme? Oh? God, I don't know

So much radio show you got an act what's your act? What are you? What are you about? Yeah? What are you all about? You're gonna make a joke about me Yeah, I'm gonna write a whole joke about you guy. I just met for the first time I bet you know your dad told me you probably write a joke about me. It's like all right I was talking to Gillis about that He was like you know how hard it is to play your hometown sometimes when everybody's like we're coming we're coming We're bringing droves of people and you're like it's overwhelming Yeah, and you want to service people you're like I want to I want this to be great

But also like everyone under the Sun and Gilly was saying now his dad He'll just call him up randomly and be like I need nine tickets when you're in Baltimore And he's like for who he's like my buddies Don't worry about it. Just get the fucking tickets It is true that you do you do get the like hey, can you get these people tickets like who are they like don't worry It doesn't it's it's Mark's brothers his old dentist you have to it's like whatever and you've never met them And you'll never see him again, but you do it's like what the flight attendant thing We're like these people are in the crowd and now I like want it to go well for some reason right you want to make sure

You rush because you're like they're there. That's marks brothers dentists here I gotta do well in front of that guy weird. Yeah, cuz one day he might work for Netflix or some shit We got to do well by that guy also not, Hulu. That's where he should work. That's where the specials are. That's where her special is. That's where my special is gonna be eventually at the end of the year. You must go watch it.

So exciting. Yeah, dude, I'm taping in one week in Minneapolis, Minnesota so I'm excited. It is nerve wracking but also great at the same time. I think people don't understand. It's gonna be so great. Live comedy is so different than taped comedy. It's just so different. It never transfers in the way that you'd perfectly want it to.

But you know, you can do it justice, but it's it's not the same. You'll never see our best set on tape. Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million years. I don't think you've ever seen anybody's best set on tape. Maybe, maybe Chappelle. Yeah. Like maybe Chappelle. But it's hard. I think some people, something there was lightning in a bottle for certain comics that were able to tape the right way, but taping is different and it's just super hard.

It does something to the room. They're conscious of the cameras. You're conscious of the cameras. Like it does something to the rhythm of comedy, which is supposed to be this dark, dingy, dirty secret that we're all in on together versus like You know what I mean like yeah, it's so

Yeah, it's hard, but we're doing it for you It's the anti-comedy and it's the thing that we care about the most it's like One thing that we're like, I hope everybody watches this, even though it's nothing really like. It's not what I really do every week. Yes, yeah, it's so weird. But you find your way through it, as I've gotten older in my career,

I think you just start to like, love that and understand that that's just a part of it as well, that you're never gonna be, and you're never gonna be done. You know, you find when you finish a special, I bet you watch it when you're done editing it for the thousandth time, and you're like, man, I wish I did this, I know this thing. I like a little bit different now

I do you know what I mean it drives me crazy, and I've had to really let that go. There's a great quote. That's What is it? It's like a painting is never finished. It just stops in interesting places And I love that I think that's so true for comedy too where it's like that joke could probably like every day You could keep fucking with of course finding new tags and taking a different way but when you see it on a special it's like that's where it was done for that special yeah and then and then the people are like well i don't want to come see you live if it's the same one and you're like no don't worry i ran my body and mind into the ground writing a new hour already so you can watch the special and see me live yeah don't worry i broke myself and I've ruined my relationships both personally

and with myself. I've ruined my relationship with myself. I hate myself a lot and I've written a bunch of new shit that for you to laugh at. Is it gonna be the same bullshit I just saw? No it's gonna be other bullshit that painstakingly ground you ground my brain into mush. But come see me live. But come see her life Is it Kelsey cook comedy no Com but on social media. It's at Kelsey comedy. That's why I said that see I'm smart I'm smart to know but Kelsey cook calm go see her wherever she is on the road do not go see her her boyfriend

road do not go see her boyfriend no I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding go see both of them obviously but go to Kelsey Cook comedy go watch the special enjoy it share it we'll post it in the link in the description down below for people to watch I appreciate you coming thank you for having me flew by I love you you're the best you're so and I'm so happy that you uh she got out she made it out out you got out to the Arctic tundra to the Archer tundra Go see her live we end the show the same way you look into that camera right there You say one word or one phrase to end the episode and remember this is embedded in history for podcasting so One word or a phrase make it count if you want to impart some wisdom or you just want to say one word

Whenever you're ready I Hate to ask this in here we pour say one word whenever you're ready. 75 dollars for the horse! Ginger's a hell no! This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.