Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Kelsey Cook Joins The Show! | Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: August 21, 2026

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian Kelsey Cook for a hilarious conversation about stand-up, relationships, life on the road, bad decisions, and all the beautifully uncomfortable stuff that eventually becomes material. Kelsey has a brand new special, Happy Hour, premiering August 18 on Netflix. If you’ve ever experienced hangxiety, made questionable decisions after a few drinks, or found yourself dating a literal Chad, this one might hit a little too close to home. Kelsey also co-hosts the Pretend Problems podcast with comedian Chad Daniels, where they get into relationships, life, comedy, and problems both real and completely unnecessary. Watch Kelsey Cook: Happy Hour Out Now On Netflix https://www.netflix.com/title/82772041 Check out Kelsey’s tour dates, previous specials, and more: https://www.kelseycook.com Listen to Pretend Problems: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9UBPfi4B_j1Ua7xDOcyBnA Follow Kelsey Cook: https://www.instagram.com/kelseycookcomedy Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #KelseyCook #happyhour ================================================= This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL Play Daily Dingers and make your FREE pick on who’s hitting a homer. http://fanduel.com/whiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Learn more at VolvoCars.a. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave series presented by Fandul. Well, I'm no longer touring this year, friends, but I am putting together a tour for 2027, the year of our Lord. And I'll be coming to your town. No matter where you are, I want to come see you putting together a big, big multi-city tour. Comment down below on this video and let me know where you want me to be. And I'll come out there and perform and give you the laughies. All right.

Okay. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whisk, whisk, whisked. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a pugilful. You only $5 for the winter horse.

Ginger's all hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Jr. My guest is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests. But I'm going to meet him once again today.

It is the return of Kelsey Fast Hands. I think about you every time I play foosball, every time I think you pop into my brain. I should send you a text, but I think that's weird and annoying to be like playing foosball at a bar. You would be surprised how many texts I get just from random comics. Like, there's a football table at this bar. I just thought you should know. And I'm like, all right. No, I know.

I love it. It's like it's a reminder of you. Like I saw a video of a guy. It made me laugh the other day so hard. There were these guys. They were on a golf course and a butterfly flies by. and somebody goes, oh, oh, there's Sharon. There she is. There's Sharon.

And he goes, you know how people assign a dead person to like an aunt? He's like, oh, there's Sharon. Only comes out in the summer, Sharon does. Her ghost isn't, apparently Sharon disappears in the afterlife in the winter. I was like, that's so funny. Like the reminder of something. He's like, yeah, Sharon's a seasonal ghost. She only comes out in the summer.

It's always a butterfly. It is always a butterfly. It's never like an aunt. Oh, there's Michael. There he is. Oh, there he is again. That is true. But butterflies, I did see a monarch yesterday.

Pretty beautiful. And I got to, I am one of the super, I'm like, there's grandma. There's grandma! Just because she died when I was young, and everybody in my family was like, she's going to come back as a butterfly. And I know who fucking knows, but that just stuck in my brain. And so I still am like, Grandma, is that you? I don't know. And the butterfly doesn't respond, of course.

It continues to fly away. Naturally. My mother has a, in our garden, she's got a, in our garden. What am I British? In our backyard. That's insane. I did that. In a garden.

In my mom's garden. I'm a spotter tea. I'm in my mom's garden having tea. And she's got wind chimes in the little baby tree. And it's for my grandmother. And sometimes, you know, like, it'll ring. And my mom is like, oh, there's Nana. And I'm like, it's kind of a windy day.

Like, yeah, but also it's just a windy day. You put a noisy thing in front of a breeze. So it's kind of like. Like for sure. Yes, there's Nana. But how about Nana show up when there's no wind? There's also weather patterns, so we don't know. It's Chicago in the summer.

It's a little windy. I love it. Kelsey Cook is here today, a good old friend of ours. We love her. We miss her. She's no longer with us. She's alive, but she's in the Midwest now. She's passed on to Minnesota.

She's passed on to Minnesota with her incredible funny fiancée. Fayence. Fiance, I should say. I'm not allowed to say, Mary. I said it on accident, but it's coming. It was only because then I thought you'd probably call him husband again, and then I'd have to do the awkward like, well, yes, we're getting married next month, and I don't know. I just...

But what's the date of your marriage? So we're getting married five days after my Netflix special goes out. That's amazing. What a party. Going to be an incredible week. I mean, we didn't plan it like that. We planned, you know, we set the wedding date and then they were like, here's your Netflix date. And I was like, holy fuck, that's going to...

I mean, again, it's going to be great, but just... What a great party to have. of sweating that week. No, you should. That's so dumb. Get that out of here. What a celebration. You've already done it. You did the work. Let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy Hour on Netflix is available right now. Please go watch that. Even pause the show. Turn off the show. I don't care. Go watch the special and a little bit later once you're fully satiated. Saciated. Saciated. You got the fiance. Yeah, faeons and satiation. I'm learning words. I'm taking a words class at night. But go watch Happy Hour. It's on Netflix right now because that would mean a lot to us and

support the community of an extremely funny human being. Thank you. A Minnesota people. He's a Minnesota boy, as you might remember. That's right. But he's from the rich, rich, rich, rich, rich area. Edina? No, he's not at all.

He's from Utsiego. Oh, see, I've lived there three and a half years and I still don't know. We don't even have a high school or a middle school. They don't even have a water tower. Just down in the field, you learn? Yeah. Oh, good. A little house in the prairie.

Tough in the winter there. That is the Midwest. Every water tower that dictates what town you're in now? That has like the township name written on the water tower. Yeah. That is so far. That is as a kid when we were going traveling for like basketball or something, that's how I'd recognize when we were getting close to where we were going.

I'm like, there's the water tower for that town. I don't think about it. You're so right. Now I'm just like constant water tower. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why? Am I'm too dumb?

I don't know. Why do we have to mark those with water? Why do they have water towers? We have reservoirs everywhere else. Look at, none of us know. We just grew up with these things and threw stuff at them to make the ting sound. We throw a rock and hear bomb. We just accepted that these giant things are there.

Yeah, it's so weird. Like when you're flying over the Midwest, that's all you see is water towers. My little Google boy is going to look it up right now. Where did you shoot Happy Hour? In the Twin Cities. In St. Fall, yeah. Cool. I shot my last special in Minnesota myself.

That's right. I forgot. What is it? More so a water pressure thing. But it's more so a water pressure thing. Your microphone is dead? What kind of fucking operation is this? All right.

We'll get a new table. Get a new table table. Yeah, I shot it in Minnesota. Yeah, I shot it in Minnesota. I showed it because of you. Orphium? No, I shot it at the, I shot it at the Pantages. Oh, that's right, okay.

You were, I did it in St. Paul, just a city over. Yeah. At Fitzgerald Theatre. What was your experience at Pantages? Was it great? Fantastic. We did four shows. Yeah, we did four shows, which was kind of daunting.

I really wanted to do four. At first, I've always done two, and then I thought, maybe four would be more fun. Did it make a positive difference? I had a little bit of a panic attack on the first one, so I'm glad I got. got four. Well, just because like the rhythm was not what I wanted and I went into a full panic because Shane Gillis was playing with the Timber was playing. Kevin Hart was playing an amphitheater and I was like,

this is not cool for my special. God. It worked out great. There's always something. I know we sold out four shows. It was fine. It was awesome. I was so happy to shoot it there. But Minnesota's always giving me good love. So I did it there. But it was good. You did two? Two. Now did you blend them or did you use one? I blended them, but it was mostly the first one. We had, okay, So it was like a weird thing going into it. I had a mild concussion when I shot the special because we got into a car. Do I need to call Chad? Got into a car accident three weeks before.

Oh, shit. We were going to a Vikings game and took the exit off the freeway and just sitting out a stoplight. And this like comically large truck, like monster truck rally truck just didn't stop. They just like went into the back of our stopped car. Holy shit. And so my head didn't hit anything, but it was just like the whiplash was hard enough. Chad was fine. I learned that this is like partly why there can't be checking in women's hockey because of like our bird bone necks.

Well, your brains are smaller. Yeah, I'm obviously, yes, that too. Bird bone necks is that? I'm going to say that to my wife. Hey, bird bone neck. Where's my dinner? Like it's the 50s. Give me my dinner, bird bone neck.

Oh, God. But he was fine. It's this, like, strong dude. Yeah, big man. And I, anyway, so get out of the car. The guy's like, it's just like guy in his 20s. He's like, I mean, I stopped. I don't know.

And I'm like, yeah, you used our car to stop. My anal cavity. Yeah, you're like, your car is fucking my car right now. It's like in, it was such a weird thing to be like, I stopped. It's like, clearly no. No. This is a whole thing now. And then I was like, I still want to go to the game.

I don't want this guy to have, like, ruined us going to the game. I'm sure I'm fine. And then we're sitting there watching the game. And I realize I've just been staring at the same patch of grass for like 10 minutes. Just like not there. So I had to go to urgent care twice that week. Started like throwing up. Just this whole thing.

So tough going into a special where you're like, would love to be mentally sharp. Yeah. And I can't look into life. right now. So we had to like dim the lights a little bit for the special. You had to physically change it for the special. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. That's terrible. But you can't postpone because all these people have set it up and you're like, and that's another guilt trip thing. You're like, I can't, I have to do it. Now I don't have a choice. All these humans have put in all this work. Oh, God, that's what a daunting experience. I know. But it's like what

you're talking about with finding out that Shane and Kevin Hart are performed where you're like, What am I going to do? What? Yeah. You're just like, it's the, it's the, it's the, The train is in motion. It's too close now to stop it and change it. And then we had some like kind of weird things day of. My makeup artist, she did a great job, but just like took, she took a long time to the point where there wasn't really time to, I feel like,

getting a good mindset beforehand. So I like fucked up a line the first show. Had, you know, where you're just up there like, God damn it, and the concussion wasn't helping. so when you're asking if I did one or two, I blended. You have to. Because I was like... Well, there's no shame in that game.

I would argue most comedians do that. In fact, Chris Rock made an entire special. Well, that's all he did. Oh. How many shows was that? Four shows or something like that? He did one in every city. Do you remember that?

And he like mixed them or whatever? Oh, yeah, yeah. I can't remember the name of that. Michelle Wolf did that too. Yeah. Yeah. Where they blended every city or whatever? Yeah.

Yeah, it's fucking who gives a shit. I mean, it's like, tambourine. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's this weird idea that it's like, you should get it in one. You're like, no, because stand up as fans know, changes every night. So what's to say that like the second night tag or punch or something you did differently the first night just rhythmically is going to be better? Sometimes it is.

And sometimes it's worse. There's ones where I did the second show and you're like, well, that landed harder at the 8 o'clock. My God, I thought you'd like that joke. We don't. We don't like that at all. Can I tell you the most diabolical Chad story? This is before I knew him, but this is like his lore is that he had a show one time. First show went great, great crowd.

Second show didn't like the crowd as much. And they would give him a reaction to a joke that he didn't like. And he would pull up his voice recorder and play the joke from the first show and be like, this is what a good crowd sounds like. That's so funny. I'm like, the balls on you. I mean, I am amazed by him all the time. He's so, he's just not afraid of anything.

Yeah, well, why? I mean, it's comedy. It's supposed to be free and stupid. The tension of filming a special is what kind of ruins a little bit of the comedy because you're like, I shouldn't feel this way. I should feel as fun as I always feel when I'm doing this, when I did this before. It's not like it's your first go. It's like, you should feel that way.

But like you said, you were like, do you feel this thing during the week of your run-up for the special? No, because you can't change it. It's over now. You already did it. It's locked. You did all the work to do all the, all the nitpicking that you needed to do. Yeah. It's honestly, it's like, I hate to be that cliche thing, but it's like it's out of your hands. It's over now. You really, it is. It's gone. I know. Do you know the, the quote, let go or be dragged?

Yeah, let go. I love. I know. Let go. But it is cool to be dragged sometimes. You ever been behind a boat? You know what I mean? Like, it is fun to be dragged sometimes. Minnesota. Lakes in the summer. Have you guys been laking it up lately? Yeah, Chad bought a cabin in 2020. Nice. We go up there. It's very nice. So thank you China, I guess, huh?

A little Wuhan. A little Wuhan comes in. Chad goes, let's get a cabin, baby. It is fun. Lake life. What is it? Me and O'Connor used to say when we go back to Midwest and the summer, like we go down to or up to Madison, we'd go in the lake and we'd go, Lake it easy, dude.

Lake it easy, dude. We'd be laking it easy all day. Now, you're out in the lake, you're out on the boat, and we talk a little bit before the show, but no more drinky-pinky anymore. That's gone. No more booze on the boat, which, by the way, safer. Sure. Safer, better for your health.

Yeah. Better for you. Better in every way, just less, I don't know. Bullshit? Yeah, a little less. Well, you're healthier physically then. You're healthier mentally then. Some of us need to escape.

I will say having a beer on a boat is something. There's something about it that is. I know. But I get it. But I think you guys putting it away together is cool. It's cool when couples are like, we'll try it. Yeah. We'll take a break and see how it goes.

And then two years later, you don't pine for it at all. Well, we still pine for it. Do you? Yeah, but it's only, it's like being on the boat in the sun. And sometimes we'll look at each time and be like, Margarita right now would just be so nice. Like we still, it's not for me. It's not like I have a bad day and I'm like, I want to get fucked up.

It's in the celebratory. way where I'm like, this would be fun, right? This would make it a little more fun. So some would argue that's a good,

you don't have a problem then. Right. I never felt like I had a problem, but I mean, I mean, everybody feels like this. I think the older you get, the hangovers just are tough.

They're tougher, they last longer. And so Chad and I both were like, let's just like take a break and we'll see how we feel. And we never thought we were going to like fully give it up, but then we would go to a concert

and be like, okay, let's see what it's like to go to a concert and not drink. It was surprisingly a great time. You drive home, not worry about. You're not forgetting half the concert the next day. It was nice. So we were like, well, if some of the things that we thought we would want alcohol for are still fun, then it made it hard to want to go back, I guess.

100%. No, trust me, I totally. There's moments where I wish I wasn't as drunk, so I really enjoyed the thing a little bit more. But then there are days, I can't even lie to you. No. That with the boys when I'm laking it easy on the boat and having a little sip or sapper and I'm jumping in the water and I'm laughing and being a little kid. No, but it's the same thing for me is I never have a, I'm so upset I need a beer. Yeah.

For me, it's like, you know, if me and the kid go get something, I'm like, do you want to go get a beer today? If it's like a nice, it's a, yeah, it's almost like an end cap to all of it. Yeah. Now, do you consume anything else now? No, I've been like. Sober, sober. Yeah, which. Chad, too.

Yeah. Good. Do you ever a weed? Never a weed? Not really. Is he ever a weed? No. We would do like a gummy occasionally. I don't know. I feel like the older I get, I'm getting so fucking bland. I'm just like...

No, come on. What do you mean? No, it's just you're... You just don't need these things and that's fine. Yeah. That's okay. The Midwest has really got you... Really tamed you down. Because when you were out here, man, it was... I would see she'd be doing bumps before she'd get on stage.

Is that Kelsey bumping in the hallway? And she's like, out of my way, Santines. Just a little raccoon lady. You were nuts. Yeah, a feral. She was crazy, dude. No, I think you do, as you do get older, it is, it certainly does change your perception of what's worth it or not. Yeah, it's always a little bit of a, it's a give and take.

I mean, the times where I would drink, maybe it would feel a little more exciting in the moment, but then I'd pay for the next day. And now it's like, I feel like not drinking has uncomplicated my life. in a lot of ways where it's like Chad and I aren't getting into like dumb, drunk, argue. You know, it's just like, all these little things that can come off of alcohol. You're just like, oh, that's just like, we don't do that anymore.

Now when you get into a fight, you know it's real. Now it's like, we're fucking locked in. You're focused. Are you guys getting married back in Minnesota? No, we're going to do it in Spokane. Spokane, everybody's invited. Joe, put the address here down below for the wedding venue, please, on the phone number to call in

in reserve one of the blocks of rooms that are blocked out. The code name is Cook Daniel's wedding and please put it up right there so the fans can call. And anybody's allowed to attend. So please go. You're going back in your hometown. Yeah. Wait, where's he from? He's from Minnesota. He's from Minnesota. Yep. So he said, okay, we'll do for, we'll go to your family's hometown. That was nice. Yeah. Well, you moved there for him. It was like a thing. Yeah, like he's given me that little, that little chunk. That's sweet. Yeah, yeah. And then there's a hundred honeymoon planned or since you're both comedians it's like we're touring right after so no we're

touring europe together in the fall and so that's going to kind of just be like wow you're doing co-headlining shows oh my god this is the best you're you guys are like one of the only there's only a few comedy couples like natasha and mosh yeah uh what oh you made a face well i thought you made a face because mosh just had oh crazy surgery i just saw natasha the other day but yeah there's only a couple comedy couples where both very funny, cool people and you guys get to co-headline bananas. It's fun. That's very cool. We, like, one of us goes up and tells the jokes that we have about the other.

And then the other person goes up, tells our jokes about them. And then we go back on stage together and get to give our version of that, like, the rebuttal. That's great. Is there a tour name for this? We were doing the notebook rebuttal for a while. I don't know that we're actually going to label that. But let's rename it right now. Yeah.

Okay. I really immediately went to that song Love and Marriage from, uh, from, from, from, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's wrong with me? Why can't I think of the name of that show? Am I crazy right now? Neel-L-Bundi. Al-Bundi, what am I telling you?

What? What is going on? I know. I do it. You gave me a brain fart this morning already once and it's killing me, dude. Um, love and marriage. Uh, this really put, It was like the flagship box show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Google it right now. That's going to really make me. This is really annoying. He was a shoe salesman. This is crazy. This is crazy. I know what you're talking about.

What's wrong with me? The first word is married. Married children. I'm really appalled that I did that. I watched that show religiously when I was a little kid and my mom was not happy about it. Because at the time it was like a dirty. It was like a rough around the edges show. It would be so tame today.

Of course. But back then it was like, oh my God. Because he was like a. misogynist you know what i mean yeah yeah america he was kind of like what they would have pressed as like the new albund i mean the new um honeymooners you know kind of that vibe but love and marriage is what i just thought of for some but no but you want something that's got a rebuttal in it something like that he said she said yeah live couples therapy live couples therapy yeah that's really good and she's right she's always right she's always right she's always right she better be always right

I like at the end you guys go out and combat each other. That's really good. It's fun. We did a few of them on the East Coast last year, and it was a good time. And then it's nice because it's like a paid couple's vacation. It's like all the parts of tour that we don't like, which is like being away from each other. It's like, then it goes away because you're just like, oh, no, we're on vacation. You're going to get separate hotel rooms, though, right?

Yeah, you have to. You need your space. At some point you're going to. You need your space. You just get the shared door, you know, the room with the share. That's actually pretty good. Check in when you need to. Not bad.

Pop your head around. You good? Do you have any toothpaste? It's a double-lock door. Now, what cities are you going to? Dublin, London, Paris, and Amsterdam. Got to have a blast, dude. Dublin show is one of the best shows we've ever done.

We've ever done in my career. No shit. Hands down. Hands down. It was called the Three Arts. The Three Arts is what it was called? Three Arts is what it was called? Three Art.

Yeah. Okay. Unbelievable show in Dublin. We got Irish step dancing on stage who taught us how to step dance, which is hilarious. Yeah. Oh my God. The three arena, yeah. Okay.

It was so cool, man. The fans were the whole time, the energy was through the roof. Like, it never laxed. They never, like, it was so, and because of boot. No, I'm kidding. No, they were partied out, man. It was fun. We went just for fun to Dublin, London, and Paris a couple years ago, and we did the Guinness

tour, and we were sober at the time. And so at the end, Yeah, you go upstairs. You go upstairs. And we asked for the N.A. Guinness. The N.A. Guinness. And you should just see, like, the fucking look they give you as they wheel out the dustiest keg. Of N.

Like, well, we have to tap it now. No one ever tapped it. It's been untapped since we fucking made it. Thanks a lot, Cook. Does anyone know how to tap an N.A. I mean, but you know what? Fuck them. They, by the way, their N.A.

beer, when I'm on my, when I'm on a no-booz kick, I think them and and Hiney double zero are my two favorites. It's, it's, it's, I can't taste a difference. I mean, I'm sure people can, but I think it's good. But I don't care. It's good. Their N.A. is really good and Hiney makes a good one. I mean, there's so many good ones now. Like my brother-in-law is he doesn't really drink anymore. And so we get him athletics, athletic brewing. Yeah. He fucking loves him. And, and he's like, this one tastes. They're getting better. As time goes on, When we're like in our 60s, I bet you it's going to be flawless. The flavor profiles will be really good.

It's crazy, yeah. Yeah. But at the time, you could tell it was not. They were bummed. Yeah. I felt like it's like holding up Bono's severed head or something. It's like a very disrespectful thing to do in Ireland is just to be like. You walking upstairs with Bono's head?

He's like, you know. They're prince. I know. He's their king. Yeah. But you're right. I get it. I get their little attitude about it.

But so what? That's why they look 10 years older and you look younger than your age. Really, truly, dude. I go to Ireland. I go to Ireland and they're like, how old are you? And I'm like, 42 and they're like, oh my God. Really? A pup.

Yeah, because they, a 30-year-old, there looks 65. The weather, the booze, the food. There's no salvation there. The spray of the sea. It's just. Salting your face every day. Yeah, just crusting it out like a Bavarian pretzel. They're just fucking cracked and shitty.

Get the mustard. Get the mustard. Sgrave some salt off of your face. But you're going to have so much fun. The Irish crowds were by far my favorite. Oh, I'm so excited. Slanted bias because we knew going in that it was like we were excited. There was something there was like a feeling in the air of that place. I can't even describe it. It was like you knew show show day.

We were buzzing. Like the town was excited. Like Dublin is a big small city. It's pretty small. It's big, but it's pretty small. Like you're in town They know you're in town Everywhere we went

People were like So excited that we were there The rhythm was amazing It was like It was cool man You're gonna love it Do you feel like you got This extra excitement

Because you're a ginger? Yes Yes I felt more at home than ever Yes yes yes And they and they And they trust me more And they love me more than Bobby Because they see Bobby

And they love him He's cute but he still is a little threat He's a little tiny Asian threat You know the little tiny ninja so they love I got a lot of love out there but I

but you know but again London was great Amsterdam you're gonna have a blast we didn't play Amsterdam together but I've been and it's good God dude it's so fun

I can't wait don't do drugs but go to the red light district go get a prostitute together because they're legal that's a good relationship bonding experience that's a honeymoon

that's a nice honeymoon what did you do for your honeymoon we got a prostitute together in the red light district oh sweet he picked mine I picked his you know it's funny

I had a layover in Amsterdam on like a high school Europe trip. My brother was with us and he was in, I don't know, he couldn't have been more than like 10 or something. And we walked by in the Red Light District and there was a like very, very large prostitute wearing like the teeniest tiniest, tiniest, little bikini. And she was eating a cheeseburger in the window. And she saw my brother and she went. And he like screamed and ran. It was amazing. That stayed with him for years.

Yeah, yeah, I hope she's still there. She probably is. Yeah, I would say she probably is. Your brother's grown now. Does he have a pendants for big women? He doesn't like that. That didn't singe its way into his brain? No, no, no, no.

It is interesting what you think, like, you love what kind of women or men that you like based on what happened during your childhood. Because I do think, I remember being at a Chucky Cheese as a young boy. I think it was my cousin's birthday. And I saw this Latino. who I've told this before I don't remember anything other than feeling like I don't know what that is but I like there's something inside of me do you know what I mean there was a tangle downstairs there was just something happening that I was like what is I like that person I

want to see that person it was weird I couldn't describe and then for years all I liked was dark haired girls like it was like singed into my brain yeah dark eyes dark hair I was like obsessed when I was young. Does your mom have dark hair and dark eyes? No, mom's a blonde. My mom's a blonde blue, blonde hair blue eyes. Interesting. Well, it's died. It's died. It's all died. But she's been blonde my whole life since I can remember my mother is a blonde woman. Okay. She had like light brown hair, but died a blonde my whole life, you know? I do feel like people always say that. What's that? Your mommy? You like what you like your mom? Yeah, no, I know blonde was never, yeah, I was always dark hair. I was always something about dark-haired girl. They felt more

dangerous. Sure. Yeah. For a sweet ginger boy like you. Yeah. What's some danger. Another light hair. We can't go light and light hair that feels like light hair, light hair feels scary. Right, right, right. Your husband has dark hair, you have light hair. This is a match. But two light haired people, you're like, is everything okay? What are you doing? That's suspicious. Yeah. That really is dangerous. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Fandul. Baseball fans. You think you know who's hitting a homer today?

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I like Tingers. Does Chad's mom a blonde with blue eyes? She is now. But I think she was a brunette when she was younger. All right. I think in the past he's been with brunettes, though. Really? He was with other women before you.

Pretty fucked up. Interesting, Chad. We'll have to have a talk about that. That's disgusting. Discussed that on the golf course, I suppose. Yeah, that's something to chat about. That's something to chat about, Chad. I'll mark that down.

Is both his parents alive? No. So his mom's alive, but his dad, his whole crazy. His dad was like, I don't even know how to describe him. Like, always on the run from the law. And so, like, they don't know for sure that he died.

but they don't, like, I think he last saw him when he was in his early 20s, maybe. Whoa. Does he talk about it on stage? You ever speak about it? Yes. Oh, yeah. It talks about it in multiple specials. His dad stole Chad's identity.

Seriously? And, like, ruined his credit for a long time. I mean, like, a true, like a career criminal. Wow. But it started out super nice and then just got into drugs and then just really took a turn. That's a huge bummer. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Chad.

He, I mean, he's gotten a lot of great material out of it. Yeah, it's worked in his benefit. Probably made him a stronger man. For sure. He absolutely deserved a better dad than he got, but it really instilled in him. So he has two kids. And, like, being a good dad to him is the most important thing in his life. Sure.

You guys know kids, you guys. Never going to happen. No. We don't have any kids. Yeah. We're childless. Childless scum, isn't. It is so funny with people.

At this day, an agent, you know, I'm a little. in my 40s now and everybody does ask like you guys are right you guys don't you can't and they get so it's like their mainframe breaks they can't believe it they're like why not it's shocking yeah there's a lot of stuff but I mean it's like I'm telling you now

you know what I mean it's a weird people do really want to know they cannot believe you don't want to take their path and I will say for the childless people out there like us the scum selfish twads yeah keep living your free life and do whatever you want don't listen to people's judgments about it there's a lot of

odd judgment to it for no reason yeah it is funny like the reasons people give for why you should it's just like none of that's a guarantee yeah it's just i don't know do you have pets we do we have we have a we have a human we actually have a human that we have as a pet oh okay yeah that's our dog yeah it's just a little boy that we boss around yeah no we have a dog yeah and we want to get i want i would like to get more dogs but i have to leave los angeles that's what i said to my wife i was like you want a house full of dogs we'd have to have way more room We live right now in a studio apartment. It's just us.

What do you let? What was that funny? Is that funny to you? We live in a 200 square foot studio apartment. The kitchen is inside the bathroom. It's actually right here. It's actually in this office. Yeah.

You're in my apartment right now. Oh, fuck. That'd be such a funny con to be running this a whole time. You just have people over for the podcast. We have no idea you would live in the closet next door. I have to hide my clothes every time. It's like Kelsey's on our way. Dude, hide the bed.

Yeah, a Murphy bed behind behind this. The whiskey dinner. This is my bed. yanks out like that. Amazing. No, we don't have them and that's it is what it is. I think my parents were very excited. Were your parents like pushing you for this whole thing? No, they were, they were pretty okay with it. My mom had me when she was older and so I didn't have that pressure from her to have kids young at all. And then as I got older, I mean also my mom has dementia. So like those conversations we don't obviously really have anymore. But yeah, it was nice.

I didn't I didn't really have that pressure. I feel bad. So your parents were kind of intense. No, no, they were very good. I'm saying the opposite. I feel like a lot of people do get the heat. Yeah. And my parents were very chill about it. It was never like a, especially because it was a personal thing that, you know, like going through the process was not fun.

So for us, it was more like, you know, they were like, just be happy. I mean, my God, it's a hard, hard enough life to like try to have kids, not have kids. And then people put a weird thing on you. So they never were like that, ever. But I have this, he's my child. This is my little child right there. I mean, you adopt people in life. Yeah.

You just adopt people. I know you post a lot about. your mom online, I see these videos and I do, they're fantastic. Oh, thanks. I hate to be a cornball, but they're very inspirational in a way where it's nice to, not a lot of people show that side or want to, because personal, I get it. Yeah. But I think you do, and it's really cool. Thanks for saying that. It's very, very cool. I think it does things for people to help them cope with how not easy it is. There's a guy that I followed online for a long time whose father had dementia, he lives with him, and they made hilarious videos together. Like, his dad was very

fun. Some people have a, it depends on which kind they have, obviously, you know more than I do, but it was interesting because they'd make funny videos together. It was like very odd. Yeah, it's, yeah, the dementia, I mean, all the variance, it's so wide ranging, but yeah,

I think if you have a loved one, especially a parent with it, it's such an isolating experience and like those sort of, like if my mom's having a nonverbal day and I'm just like sitting with her and we're like eating cookies.

Sometimes those days are the hardest where you're just like, you feel like there's such a huge disconnect where you're like, God, like, where did my mom go? This is just like so hard. She's like not even speaking, not really acknowledging that she knows who I am.

And I feel like if I even post that just to let people know if you also are having that, it just helps it a little bit. Like I've had a lot of people come up after shows and be like, oh my God, like thank you so much because it is just a, it's a fucking crazy, horrible disease. Like, I'll be FaceTiming with my mom and she'll start, like, trying to eat her teddy bear.

And I have to be like, oh, remember, that's your teddy bear. And then you're like, well, like, how did we get, you know? But if you don't talk about it and try to, like, bring some levity and share stuff online, you'll fucking, I mean, you won't get through. I do feel bad sending your mom that chocolate teddy bear. I know. That was a bad idea. It's just too much. You just have to separate the ones that are edible and the ones that are not.

Like you, there has to be an element of comedy to it because it does it. It's very dark and you handle it very well. I'm very, I'm surprised about that. Now, the hardest, does she, do you ever talk to comedy world with her or no?

So she's in like the last stage of the dementia. And so I was there two weekends ago and I showed her, I like started playing the special for her. And she's not really, like, her eyes are closed for a lot of the time. Sometimes she'll kind of open them and see what's going on. She laughed at one point and seemed to know it was me on the screen, which even just that, I hold on. Yeah, where I'm like, oh, this is so great because, yeah, you just, so many days, I don't think she knows who I am anymore or, like, won't speak. And so I can't really, like, I tell her everything.

I'll be like, Mom, I'm, my specials coming on Netflix. mom this and you know she either like won't say anything or she'll the type of dementia she has affects her speech primarily and so she'll just say like non words and you're just like yeah like you just she's she leans over to chad she's like it was terrible the special was so bad chad's like i know i can't say anything to her dude i live with her she's speaking it this whole time just to distance herself from me. She's like, Kelsey shit's so bad. I have to pretend like I'm not here anymore.

It's unbelievable. It's terrible. It's really funny. That's so funny. I say, I talk about her in the special because she went to the hospital like a year ago. And she was fairly alert at this point on that day. And I came out of the bathroom and she turned to chat and she goes, I like this girl. That's so fucking cool.

And I was like, yeah. I'm your daughter. And she goes, I don't know about that. I was like, but she likes this girl. I know. I was like,

also she said it when we were in the same exact hospital she gave birth to me in, which just is like, oh, fucking gut punch. The place you were created,

the person's now like, yeah, I don't think. I don't think you're my daughter. You're my daughter. Okay. I liked my daughter. I like this girl.

Would have been a good name for the special. Oh. I like this girl. You know what we thought about it, but I was worried it would come off cocky. Like I was trying to make people think that's what they would think of me by the end of it. But they would. I think it's actually a very middle.

I like this girl as a cool name for something. Use it for something else. Okay. If you do a piece about it, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like this girl's kind of cool. It's very simple and he's like, oh, I like this girl. Yeah.

I think it's good. Yeah. Also, the context within the special is nicer within the story. Yeah. Yeah. Pete Davidson's early special was S. SMD. Oh, right.

That's his father's initials who died. Right. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He said he had a tattooed on him. I know when everybody was like,

suck my dick. Yeah. And he's like, that's my dad's. Hilarious. My dad's initials, dude. My dad died and I love him. You're gonna make fun of me more? You're gonna make fun of me more, dude?

It's wild. But no. But anyway, I don't want to stick into it. But I just wanted to tell you this is cool. Like you said, you put up a clip of you guys seeing music together and that you, She was amped as fuck. And I was like, this is a great clip, man.

It was just so cool. She was buzzing. You could tell, like, she was really viving with it. Yeah. And you were like, yeah, you like it? She's like, yeah, dude. I love that. I love that.

I think I connect to it because my mom and I have, music is a great bind. Most of my text messages to my mom are music. It's like songs. I'm always like, I want new shit. But she's old enough now where they're not finding new shit easily. the internet's a nightmare so she's like give me songs that you know i'd like and i do know my mom's flavor because it's embedded in my mind growing up as an 80s baby like 80s music yeah anyone anything

that has like a pop a pop tune that has remnants of the 80s i know my mom's gonna like it and a lot of artists now are doing literally that they're like stealing from the 80s Olivia dean yeah that's exactly what they're doing yes like that song i just heard it today uh um gay yes that is such an 80 song when you started saying i was like that's the first song that's an 80 song that's 100% of song that i would hear my mom in the in the living room playing just a soft little sway the man i need exactly come be the man i need that's me in my car and then i switch immediately to rap and i get out at the valet and i'm like yeah uh park it anywhere man thanks bro thanks dog oh by the way i want to go backwards for a second this guy this man that

hit you drunk obviously was any did you call the cops any of this stuff happened because it was the area that we were in is so much traffic it's like right by the football stadium so it was like if we call the cops we we won't be going to this game no we would have been standing there for hours and i just was like probably wouldn't come anyway they're like dude we can this is i don't get down this is a cluster fuck yeah no so yeah no but um he wanted to not go through insurance of course. Sure. And I was like,

I'm gonna go to your insurance. Like, the wild audacity of this guy to like, fuck up my car, give me a mild concussion and then be like, also,

I want to be shady as fuck about all of this. Financially, I want it to be a problem. I'm like, no. So he just was, yeah.

He's, we're gone. It's fine. We're all that. It's done. Like I hit Two and five Canadians will hear the words You Have Cancer.

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BMCFWalk.CA. I hit someone's car. I parked outside of my house. Outside of my home, I'm backing on my driveway like in a panic and I smashed into it. And she was so nice. She was like, it's all right. And I was like, what do you want me to? Do you want my? And she's like, just give me some cash. And I was like, really? Yeah. It was just a bumper. It was like a nick of a bumper. Oh, okay. Okay. It hit a parked car. I was flying out because I was trying to, I had to go back. I was coming here.

I had to run here, grabs and stuff, go back, and then go to the airport. And I was like, fuck, I left that of the studio. So I was out of my driveway and scoff, right. It's such a dumb. It's so funny because then afterwards, you're like, so many ways I could have presented that. Oh, I know. She was cool about it.

Yeah, yeah. Because she wasn't even in the car. So it was not like I hit a parked car. That's way better. Yeah, it was easy. But I didn't feel like a moron. Yeah, you're human. This is what we do.

Yeah. It's it. We're scrambled egg brains. You know what I mean? Like I'm trying my... I find myself that more and more. I'm like, there's so much going on. I don't have time.

I am ready for after it's all set and done, which is in the next few years, when we close down the pods and everything's over and I can retreat to my little getaway and then I'm done. That's it. I think there's this great idea that stand-ups never retire.

Maybe we do. Oh. Maybe we do. Shot and I are going to... You guys are, yeah. He is getting pretty close, I think. Well, because he's 74. He's 74.

No, he's got what, you think? 10 years left? Meaning like he would want to do. I'm not saying what he's got. I don't think he wants to tour that much longer, like heavily tour that much longer. I think he will probably always want to get on stage, but, I mean, he's been doing this for like, I don't know,

like almost 30 years. 30 years, like. Yeah, because you've been what? 15? What are you? 17. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like, this summer is the first time I've ever taken a summer off. Good for you. Thanks. This was my first year I took. off. I've only done like one off shows. Like I did a corporate and I'm doing one more casino in St. Louis. Like I'm doing like just I did a couple of operons. Mostly because I owed them for rescheduling. Okay. Yeah. But I didn't. This is the first year that I. Good for you. How's it felt? This I hate to say this out loud. Fucking amazing. Like I was like, this is amazing. Like I thought I was going to be anxious about it.

I thought I thought I was going to and I just don't. I'm like, I'll get back to it. I think for years I thought, you got to do it. You know, it's like like you don't. You're going to stop, you idiot. And now I'm like, relax, dude. It's fine. Yeah, it really is. I'll go back out again. Like, it'll be great and I'll have more material. It'll be brand new for people.

And yeah, it's, but the anxiety sucked for 20 years of my life. I've like, you gotta do it. I know. And now I feel like I'll just do it at my leisure when I feel like it's, I should do it. Instead of, I have to. It was a gun to the head. And I didn't like that. There's many tours where I was like, I have to do this.

And I was overworking myself and scared. Like, they're not going to like this. This isn't good enough. This hour isn't strong enough yet. And all that. So fuck that, dude. Yeah. Fuck that, dude.

It's so nice to hear of another person taking some time out. Because it is, it's that fomo. It's like, you're almost afraid to tell anybody you're not because you're like, I don't want to be. Yeah. People think I'm like a leper or something. Yeah. Cook's getting lazy. Yeah.

Because it is, I mean, it's always so rewarded to be on that, you know, constant grind. Yeah. And it's, yeah, it's a lot. It's too much. Just a travel of it. If it was like we only ever performed in the place we live, I think it'd be a little different. But the con, like on a plane almost every week, different hotel bed, it's like a lot. Yeah.

What are your little particulars in the hotel now that you've become a little snob a little bit? Is there things you need? I still, it's funny, Taylor, Tomlinson like yells at me. She's like, stop, like, book your own hotel. Like, get something nicer because I still just like go with like the clothes. recommendations and stuff. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know.

Are you sick? It's like the Spokane in me where it's just like, I'll just take it and I don't want to. Is it a red roof in off the highway? I have to stop. We haven't changed these sheets since 96. You're like, dude. Fucking black mold growing up everything.

I mean. Get a little nice hotel. You don't need to be super fancy, but get to get something that's... I know. I do need to start being better about it. So Chad does that, doesn't he? He gets nice.

hotels? I feel like he would do that. No? He just, I think, goes with what the club says, too. What's wrong with you guys? I don't know. You guys are sick. On this European vacation, you better, you better do nice hotels. We'll get some, I think, better ones there. You deserve it. You've worked super fucking hard. Thanks. Yeah, get a nice hotel. Okay. I will, I've done this for years. Before I leave the hotel room for the shows, I will set the thermostat super warm so that when I come back, I feel like I'm getting a hug from the room. That's so sad. That's so. That's so sad. You're so lonely and sad on the road that you want to hug

from a room. Fuck, that's deep dude. Wow. I know. What do you put it at? 77? Something hot? Yeah, like a 76. You're absurd, dude. I like it. Icebox. I turn that bitch to 64 and it doesn't go any lower.

Well, by the way, hotels are bullshit. Those are lies. They never get to 64. It probably gets to 69. They have a governor on it. It can't go. It'll say a number, but I know it ain't 16. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll put it all the way down just because I know it's going to do only its governed level. And it's usually 69 is what it gets down to.

Maybe. Okay. Yeah, maybe at best. If you're lucky. Yeah, if you're lucky. Yeah. I mean, when I sleep, when I go to bed, I drop it way down. Or else that's a nightmare to be sweating.

Hot a night's gross. No, horrible. But, like, right when I come back, it's just like a little. Do you ever take a bath in the hotel? No. That, to me. All right, you can't cross that line. I mean, I have holes.

You know, it's like, you can't. It's a little, I do feel like for men, it's a little bit like, you don't think about it. I just cork it and then I get in the tub. It's a pipe cleaner. You need more than one, my friend, okay? I do take the occasional bath. I take the bath. Really?

Yeah, but again, I don't judge a guy as hard for it. I'm just. Sitting in the funk you don't like. You don't even bath. at home. I'd be that home. Okay, you do. It has to be your tub. Yeah. See, I take it, if it's a nice enough hotel, I like to sit in it right before I do a show. Yeah. I like to get in there. It gives me a warm feeling. Before a show. Yeah. He doesn't put you to sleep. No, no, no. No, because usually I'll work, I'll wake up, coffee, write, hang out, fart around, tour the city.

Yeah, little coke. Take like a little tiny nap. Sure. And then gym usually to get my blood real high. Okay. Then little... But after you get out of the tub, you get in the shower. Okay, yeah. You have to go tub to the shower. You're kind of getting and whatever was on you off.

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, you're getting the tub, just getting the shower. The tub is just a way for me to laugh at how funny my wiener is underwater. Just a nice giggle before. It just looks so funny underwater. You're like, look at that guy.

Because he floats in there. Just a mind of his own. Yeah, I just want to see the snake in the water. That's all it really is. And then I get out of there and get back to my... No, but I'm... But this year has been nice to take off.

I will be happy next year to start something up again. I do think I'm excited for that. But you got to have a little... I'm going to Scotland tomorrow. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm leaving at like 7, 8, 6 a.m. tomorrow. Yeah, I'm out of here. Scotland.

For performing or for fun? No, for fun. Scotland, London. Come back and then I go to the Midwest for... Then I'm Midwest. Go see family and friends and bounce around and disappear. And then, yeah, I'm gone to... I've been gone so much this year.

It's been kind of crazy. But in a good way. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Mexico. Okay. Yeah.

Mexico, I owed money to the cartel. I had to go back down and pay my dues, which is bad. Yeah, to kill three guys this year. And every time I go down that, I do feel scared. I'm like, they're going to kill me. They're going to kill me. I have a fear they're going to pull you over. You're not going to have enough money to pay them off.

And they're going to be like, well, that's that. You die here now. Yeah, no, no, no. You don't go to Mexico. That fucking freaks me out a little bit. You don't go. You won't go. Yeah, we went for Chad's son's son's wedding.

but if I'm going to like go on a vacation somewhere, Mexico's not top of my list. I don't know. I like it. I drink the water because I like to lose a couple pounds. Good that. What is the parasite that's going on right now? Oh, oh, the new one? Yeah.

What's the new one called again? How do you pronounce it? Cyclopsis? Cyclopsis, you get one eye. You shit so hard. We've been full of knowledge this whole episode if people haven't caught on. We don't know what's going on. Oh, cyclospora, of course.

Give it a easier fucking name. Cyclospora. Cyclospora. In Ireland, they don't have cyclists more in Ireland. But I got to tell you, when the CDC names these, give it an easier name. Explosive diarrhea from Taco Bell lettuce now is what's going on. I know. Taco Bell really took the brunt of that.

They did, and they don't deserve it, because they've been given diarrhea for years. I know. They're just coming out honest. You guys knew what was going on here from the jump. Fucking blame on like the salad kits. Those are where it's like you're really getting deceived. You're trying to have a light dinner. Uh-uh.

Yeah, you're going to have a real. you're going to have a good exit I'll tell you that you knew what you were getting into when at 2.30 you ate yourself a cheesy gordita crunch and two chalupas you were gonna have a nice flow

that's how it goes down there they should embrace it a little bit be like yeah we do have cyclospora in the lettuce so what and the meat's not real big deal do you want to keep doing your gLP one

or do you want to fucking enjoy something a little bit right before your asshole explode by the way everyone is big gLPs it seems like it yeah You and your husband or not? You and your fianc are not.

Me and my fiance are not. No one is that I really love and respect. I'm kidding. Bobby's been on it for so long. I judge no, no, I judge. Yeah, you judge. Yeah, come on, give me a fucking break. What do you mean?

It's like when they find out someone's doing the Tour de France or something and they take a shortcut. You're like, what? Get back on the main road. Get back on the bike, you fucker. You can't do that. It's the shortcut. It's bullshit. Will there be repercussions from this?

Absolutely. But whatever. It's got to have some sad, sad, side effect that we don't know. But it did help Bobby lose 20 some odd pounds. So I'm not going to lie, it's been amazing. Yeah, he looks like a different human being. Really? He does.

I mean, physically it's crazy. His face. Well, he's so small to begin with. He was retund. His belly was big, yeah. He looked like I got from the Midwest. Yeah, he looked like a man. Midwest. Yeah, a lot of tator-tot casseroles.

I do. Going on. Yeah, Bobby was born. He lived in Edina for a little while. Is that true? Yeah. Born there and then moved to San Diego. Oh my gosh.

Then they moved there, moved back. I've never talked about that with him. That's so funny. Don't need to talk to him about it much, really. The guy's not really. Yeah, no, he was Rutan like the Midwest. I thought about that this morning had a breakfast burrito, and it was delicious because that's what we do best here in Southern California.

Yep. But they put fries in it, and I thought, I would never eat French fries in the morning for breakfast any other time, except in a burrito because I was like, well, it's in the burrito. Yeah. Like the burrito kind of hides all the stuff that you're embarrassed about. It's a wrap. It's healthy. It's in there. Yeah, it's in there. But no, but man, that's the one thing when I leave Southern California that I miss is breakfasts. They're my favorite way to start the day.

Yeah, it's nice. And all you got now is bagels. Yeah. Midwest, fat guy at breakfast. It is, whenever I go back, whenever I'm like, how many eggs are in the scramble? They're like seven? I'm like, for me? Is this for the table? they're like, what do you want less? They're like annoyed.

They're annoyed, though, when you go, because most of the time I will go, can I have two eggs and scramble? And they're like, well, we're charged. I mean, it's not going to be cheaper. I'm like, no, no, it's fine. I just don't need five eggs. It's so, that's so funny. I just last week, it's, you've ever been to Brueger's bagels?

I love Brueger's bagels. I love them too. But they, I ordered like a... Don't say that to the Jews out here, though, they'll kill you. They're like, who's Bruga? Oh, no fuck. Yeah. He's a guy.

He's a guy! I just wanted egg and cheese on a bagel, and I saw it on the screen. It was like automatically like two eggs to this. And I was like, oh, can I just have like, I didn't need it to be huge, but you're right. In the Midwest, it's like assumed, like make it, make the rest of the day hard for her. Set her up for failure. Just fucking grease it up. I don't know.

Sometimes it's a lot. They do make you feel bad about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean you don't want it? No, I just say just one piece of cheese instead of five. why? Yeah.

You know, my heart, like my day, you know, my body, my butt, really, my ass. It's mostly my ass. It's pretty much all my ass. That's like when you go to Wisconsin, they look at you like crazy if you don't want cheese.

Yeah. When someone in Wisconsin goes, can I get no cheese on the burger? They're like, no, it comes to the cheese. You can take it off if you don't want it. Yeah. There was some weird law. I think you have to look this up.

This was crazy. My buddy Sean told me, Wisconsin, if a. restaurant serves cheese. They have to serve a certain ounce per serving. Like legally, they had to because of the, you know, because of big, big, big dairy. Big cheddar. It was something like if you serve cheese, it had to be a certain percentage of ounces being served in order for them to meet some sort of minimums or something.

What was that? It was something insane. He'll go, Gelet. What do you got? It mandates that public restaurants serve a small size of cheese and butter with meals. So you have to have cheese and butter with a meal. wild Wisconsin, baby

Wisconsin's doing things different over there It's oh so it's not true It was a short-lived law from 1935 But it was replaced in 1937 But it lives on in legend

She thinks But I bet you some restaurants Just do it And they're like That's the rule Yeah From the 30s When we had it all

figured out My life was good That's right What was it called Birdneck? What was it? Birdbone neck God

Now I'm coming And ruin and everything Yeah You're really setting women back a little bit on this pot, burn bone neck. How's the concussion now? Are you good?

I'm good, no. It's, everything's fine now. It just was, it was shitty timing. And concussion protocol is so frustrating because you can't, it's no screens, it's no reading. It's no, it's literally just like stare into the distance because you're not supposed to fuck with your brain. That's a hard, good for you. Good for you. But like, oh, cold turkey off of everything. Yeah. Phone, TV, laptop. A fucking book. Couldn't read. Oh, you can't read a book. I thought there's no screens would make sense, but even words.

Anything that stimulates the brain. Yeah. It's like, leave it alone. You have to let it rest. So, again, three weeks leading up to a special, not a great time. Not a good time. We'd love to be prepping. Were you just going over shit in your head? Yeah.

You were. Mm-hmm. Were you reciting it? Like, were you doing the walk and talk in the mirror? Yep. That's a little crazy. I know. But, you know, okay, this is so funny.

I was going to bring this up. Last time I saw you, so I did the podcast, and then we were both on. a show at a store together. Yeah. And I was so, like, so I guess to me, the comedy store is still, like I get nervous to be there. Do you? Yeah.

What do you mean, you're such a pro? I mean, who is it? Thanks, but there's just, like, I don't know. It's the comedy store. It just feels like there's this lore around it. But I know it's one of your, like, home clubs. Like, you are. That's my home club.

That's your home club. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. You're going up all the time. But I was so impressed because we were just, like, talking in a group. And then you're like, all right, I'm heading up.

And you literally like, you went from being in a full conversation to just, you just walked on, you just breezed up there. And I was like, God, the confidence. You just, like, do you not have to go over things before you go on stage or you're not nervous at all? No, I think I have to go on them. I have to plug out what I'm going to do like hours before the show and kind of decide and be like, that's good. And then, I would argue that helps me more than anything is to feel a little bit

and free before I go on. The more you're sitting in silence or patiently waiting or riddled anxiety to go on, I always felt like a effect of my performance. And if I was more like free-flowing, it helped me feel more loose and free. Okay. So I'm always like that. I don't, I like the whole like bantersy people that I enjoy. It gets my neurons firing and happy.

And then I just can go up and you know what you're doing up there. I mean, you already have in your mind. Unless I'm trying a couple of new things, which I sometimes will reference on the phone and have it out just to see the word to click me back in to go, oh, and I wanted to talk about this. Yeah. But I think if I didn't do that, it's more anxiety fueled if you're sitting and waiting. Okay.

You're a sit and quietly wait by yourself in the corner. Right. You're spinning out. Yeah. Oh, Lisa Simpson. Just like, hmm, just like try. I don't know. I'm just an anxious gal.

Lisa Simpson's such a good reference. Lisa's shoes make my heart hurt. My cat's breast smells like. cat food the best did I chew, chew, choose you and it's a picture of a train I mean one of the greatest

unsung couples of Ralph Wiggum and her, that's like the best no, not Ralph. Yeah, Ralph Wiggum. That's like the greatest will they won't they, they won't but they should. Because she's perfect

for him and he's perfect for her. Yeah. Right? Yes, yes, he's mentally slow. She's way too smart. This is every pairing of men That's what a marriage is No, no, no She's very smart

Chad is very, very stupid This is how this all works It happens in every relationship No, no, he's very smart Chad, you know I'm kidding, dude He's in Mensa He's not fucking wild He's like

Yeah, you're the idiot I'm, yeah you're rough with him in this For sure Yeah, he's Lisa Simpson Does he play the saxophone? I'm eating cat food For sure Does he play a saxophone?

Do you play instruments? I played flute growing up. Dork. Huge door. Why is that such a nerd instrument? I know, it just is. It's funny that, like, of all the instruments in band, flute was huge nerd.

No. But, like, fun. Flute and clarinet. I feel like we're kind of like, you get a reed involved. You have to wet a read before you play it. That's a lot. That's a lot.

Coolest instrument in band is who? So my dad's a professional trumpet player I know. Do you think trumpet's coolest? I think trumpet's cool. I think drums got to be king. Percussion's the coolest. Beating stuff is cool. Sure. Trumpet is smooth. Yeah.

Like that guy can still get girls. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Procussion King. Wind chimes is not even a real person. That's someone they slid off from percussion and they made him do. They were like, get over there and he has no rhythm. Get over there.

Just make him hit. Nana, my grandmother. He's just doing my grandmother the whole time. Here she is. My grandma the whole time in band. Just right in front of the AC. Yeah. Just set the woodshops up and just stand there and watch a do a lot of work for you.

No, but you know what? Flute pretty nerdy. He's so smart. I'm shocked he doesn't play the piano. Every smart kid I know plays the piano. He does not how to play piano. Yeah, my wife plays a piano. And guitar and drums.

Yeah, he doesn't mind. He does. Yeah, yeah. Mensa. Shets. This is so wild. He's so smart. It's crazy. How do you even get?

I don't even know how that's it. They choose you, right? Choo-to-cho choose you like a train. He was like his first therapist or something was like, I want you to go, like go to this thing. To get tested. Because I want you to, yeah. And I can't remember how he set it up, but Chad didn't know that that's what it was. And then he did it.

And they were like, you're in Mensa. Wow. What? That's wild. Does he ever push to, like, Does you ever, like, brag about that in front of you? No. He should.

He's, like, very, that would make him cringe so hard if somebody ever thought he was actually bragging about being in Mensa. It's like very Gen X Midwest man of like, you don't, like, you are so, like, humble to a fault, all of that. So he's got to get rid of that. But he should wear a hat that says Mensa member, Mensa MEM. Mentsa MEN. I'm in Mensa.

I would brag about it so much if I had that. That's all I would do. Yeah. That's like people that go to Harvard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. They tell you, you know? I wanted to ask you, let's go back real fast just because I want to make sure the fans know it once again. Please, on Netflix right now.

Go watch. Go watch our special right now. Of course, ironically named Happy Hour. Because I talk about drinking. I know, which are no longer involved in. And these guys will miss you. But that's fine. Who opened for you?

Did you have someone to open the show? Yeah, Ben Katzner. He opens for me on most of my tour. Yeah, he's fantastic. based out of Minneapolis, was in New York for a while in Minneapolis again now. He's so funny. He crushed it. How did you meet him?

So he opened for Chad and met him there, and he also opens for Chad, too. He still does, yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's great. The guy's got pretty good job security. Just open him for you guys? That's nice, yeah. That's so wild.

Let's never going to happen. Okay. Let's say you and Chad aren't together anymore. Who gets him? Ben, we should put Ben in the pre-nup. Yeah, you should. You really fucking should. I mean, you're not going to

not going to not be together anymore, but given the hypothetical, who would get Ben? I mean, Chad knew him first. I'd probably have to go to Chad. Who pays him better? We pay the same. Chad is very cool. He, like, kind of showed me how

to do things the right way, I think, where it's like he doubles the feature pay and, like, takes care of hotel and all that stuff, so we pay the same. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, that is. the move and we're only get into the finances of what you should be doing as a comedian because a lot of

people don't pay well i know i could name them right now put up listening no joe don't do that no that be so funny joe you know joe will my editor will put up names for fun no sure yeah he'll just throw names up they wouldn't be true it'd be funny like we did put up your wedding venue we actually that wedding venue address was real so please call that number yeah come on down piece book a book yeah you do have to treat the openers great because i do think you were an opener too so it's like I never understood this this kind of shoving off of them as if they're replaceable or whatever.

I make sure everyone I take is someone I like and I respect and that I really want to grow and so I do a year with them sometimes a year and a half. Two is the most. O'Connie and I did too. And then after that I tell them, hey man, I got to take someone else because I think it's just like a clip the wings

and you got to go. And all of my openers have been made a killer career. Amazing. Like everyone's been, Ali Mokovsky was one of the first I ever went with John Ridenetsky was one of the first people that ever opened for me. He's doing great.

Chris O'Connor also, one of my closest dogs, who's killing it on tires with Shane. Zach Townsend, who opened for me for a while, and now Devontre Coleman, and they're all... Amazing. Yeah, I'm stoked about that. Solar Peak, open for you sometimes? Who? Laura Peek?

Peek did too? Okay, yeah, yeah. But Peekers was kind of already kind of like... She was already kind of grooving. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's so funny. She was having... I adore her. was already kind of in the growth aspect period where you're like everybody knows but yes i would say she did but peek's one of those where i go she was already so beloved that she was kind of growing rapidly anyway so it was almost like she didn't need to feature for me if she didn't want to i think

she just was like it was fun and we loved hanging out but she's one of the coolest but yeah she did too because uh because i remember the uh the first couple of times we went and i was like you know if you're getting busier. Yeah. You don't want to like break your neck to come with me. Because, you know, it's a little bit of cash, but it's not going to change your life. But I was like, if you want to do other stuff that's going to help the career more, she's like, fuck that, dude.

I like to hang and this is great. And then she helped me on some terrible dates. I did Tampa, and that was. Ebor's tough, dude. Ebor's one of the hardest. That's like one of the hardest. Steve Simone came and brought some homemade food. Thank God, because I was like having a tough go.

And it was when I was just working out the hour. And I was like. that's your hug from the room. That was why I hug from them. Get some homemade food. And then me and Pete go out and get fucking hammered. She's one of the most fun to party with, dude. Yeah, I look at where I am now with, like, sobriety and just, like, living in Minnesota and everything.

And then I look at Laura, and I'm like, Laura is fun. Yeah, she's like a fun person. So fun. Yeah, she's so fun to go party with. Anytime. Her and I would be at dinner. This was a problem with Peekers and I. We'd be at dinner.

and she's like, are you going to get something? Are you going to get something to drink? And I'm like, uh, I don't know. And she's like, I'll have one. Do you want to have one? And then we'd have seven. Yep. And then we'd be like, do you want to go to the show now?

Do you know what I'm going? Go to the show hammered, which we only did a few times, but we did. She's just, she's always down. She's so fun. She's always down, dude. We've had some late nights out walking through a random city. And the next day, travel days are tough. then it's no talkie.

Then it's we get on that plan and it's like, okay, I'll see you. I'll see you later. Just too hungover, which I'm getting sick of. You're right. Kelsey came here to tell me that I need to clean it up. I always feel,

I do feel awkward. Like I never want people to feel like when I say I don't drink anymore that I'm judging you. You are. A little bit. I can't believe these people live this way. No, I miss it.

I wish that. could drink the way I could in my 20s and then feel fine the next day. Sure. If that was still happening, I'd still be drinking. Yeah. But it was just like, do you ever get anxiety after drinking? I have anxiety all day. Oh, so it's okay.

Yeah, it just never goes away. It just doesn't, it's just a spin out all day long. And then I get home, eat dinner, and then we have a little something on the couch. And I feel good again. Okay. It also helps because, you know, my wife sees me. it's not a good product. So I give her a glass of wine, and she goes,

this isn't so bad. It's a soft filter. Yeah, looking at me after wine, he's like looking through a screen door where you're like, I can kind of tell what it is. Yeah. It's all right. I'll take it.

Chad is far-sighted, and I kind of love it because that means when we're up close, I just look just like soft. Oh, yeah, a little blurry. Far away there, you can see it just good. Yeah, so I stay real close. stay real. Chad, just nose to nose all day. Yep.

Stop shaving my mustache. It's great. You did. I was going to say something. I know. It keeps getting stuck in the thing. Like, Jesus. Do you still talk to Taylor a lot, by the way? You guys were very, very close, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm staying at her place while I'm here. Are you really? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking cool. Yeah. I love her. It's so, it is so nice to have, like, a true best friend in this business.

Like, especially a best girlfriend, I think, just because sometimes, I don't. know. Say it. Say it. Well, let's just, I don't know. Say it. Don't be coy and say it. I don't know.

Again, some people are, I don't know how to say it. She is also like me. Like we both, we'll do like a jigsaw puzzle. Do you know what I mean? Yes. It's just nice. We've always been very type A. Both the girl, the Lisa Simpsons in the corner,

mumbling to ourselves before we go on stage. And I think it's nice to have that because sometimes, and this is not women. only. It's men. It's just like sometimes you don't connect as well with other people if it's a totally different person. I don't know. Do you make sense? I know what you're saying. Also, the competitive nature is

like, look, inherently in the world of comedy there are significantly more men than women that do comedy. That's just a numbers game. And the women that do do comedy, you would hope the community would be tighter, but it's hard because it's competitive. So there is that part of it that's a little harder where men find more

confidants in comedy because there's just a numbers game. It's just there's more opportunity for me to meet some. Now, are there a ton of guys that I don't fucking like? Yeah, there's a shitload. But there's way more people I get to meet that I do end up liking because there's, it's just, it's a, it's a numbers game. And you guys have less people in the running, particularly at a level that you're at, which many people would be jealous of because you're successful. And that gets that, that becomes a reality. I think that's in every business. Anybody can relate to that in any business where when the competition gets stronger, it's

because you're valued more in your space. And so then it's harder. Then you're like, who's your real friends? Who's rooting for you? Right. And who's a little bit like, fucker, you know? Yeah. And that happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that happens. I mean, you say that to me all the time. You'll text me and you'll text me and you go, you know, this fucking bitch and you'll go off. No. No. Taylor's great, though. We have, we, I've always rooted hard for her. Yeah.

You know, for, just because I was like, it's nice to have, uh, uh, at least, like discerning voices of people that know what their brand is, know what they're putting out, and aren't doing it, aren't doing what they think the crowd will like, but what they really like, which I think is huge. Yeah. That's a big deal in comedy. It's fucking amazing. And which you've done very well.

And Happy Hour, right now on Netflix, you've got to go watch Happy Hour. If you don't watch the special, four young children will starve. Is that what we said four or five? How many was it? Five young children will starve. And by the way, this is on you. The blood will be on your hands if you don't. watch the special.

And Ted Sarandos, who's at Netflix, did say that to her directly. People must watch this or Hell Hathno, or Hell Hathno Fury, like a Sarandos five and down or whatever. Is that what it said? That's something like that. Have you met him? Have you met Ted? You're gonna.

They sent a very nice wedding gift, though. I was like, really? Yeah, that's so sweet. Thank you. Some like nice, like, fancy. portable speaker Amazon gift card No like fancy

glasses real China yeah like designer like designer tumblers whatever yeah it was really nice giving to somebody

that drinks you should have brought them here to me they're gonna end up in a cabinet and you're gonna stare at them all the time Netflix glasses give them to me okay what are the gifts I won't harp on the wedding much

but what are the gifts that you really want and what are the gifts you don't want get it out of right now okay well so it's both of our second weddings. And so we're literally having 20 people there. Oh, no one's going. Yeah, except for our fans.

Except for, I mean, it was 20. Now it's going to be. Yeah, it'll be 645. Yeah. A lot of people are going to go. Yeah, so it's like no gifts. No gifts. No registry? Good for you. It's our family.

It's like our immediate, I'm not going to tell my dad to buy me shit. Yeah, you do. It's your fucking wedding. Buy me some shit. But when is your second wedding, you're like, you already did? They did it the first time. Yeah. I actually agree.

As someone who's gone to, like my buddy is going to have it, my buddy is going to have a second wedding now. Yeah. And I did everything for the first, so I have no obligation for the second. Even to go. I even told them that I said, I don't have an obligation to go. I mean it. I was like, dude, I did your number. I did your one.

You get one out of me and that's it. We're not inviting our friends, which sucks, but also as soon as we invite, like, our best friends and their partners, then it's at least a 60-person wedding. It becomes a whole other thing. You can't just have, we're doing like a 20-person ceremony and then we're all going to dinner. It's very. Bukina Bapo? Yeah.

Well, I love gardening. I mean, all spoken as a specialty. But it's so hard. I would love for my friends to be there, but you cannot then make it. Send them a photo. This very small thing. And I think they're fine with it too. Like, you know, the older we all get, we're like, do we want to even?

No. And you're not doing in a church or anything like that. No. It's like on a lawn. Yeah, outside. Yeah. A lawn. so funny.

There's a kinsenegra going on in the background. Just on a lawn somewhere. You couldn't have a wedding here in Los Angeles. There is a kinsennairer going on every single day somewhere in a park in Los Angeles. 100%. It's amazing. Every time I go down to a Dodger game

down there by the park, Elyza Park, there's got to be four or five kitsniers at any given time. It's amazing. I kind of want to crash one of them just for the food and the booze because they do have such good food. And you're like, they're going to be so happy and a lady that's a family gathering that you probably could get away with it.

Just, I'm going to start getting lunch there every day. Well, this is funny. This is what I was saying. Your confidence, just you can take that anywhere. You really inspired me. There was something about that where I was like, wow, I am so nervous right now. I was super, super nervous.

And you truly, it seemed like it was not anything to you at all. And that was a moment where I was like, why am I, why do I put myself through this every time? Like, he looked like he had so much more fun than I had. Yeah, because, well, because you already know what you were going to, you already know what you have to deliver. And if it's not hitting that night, it's not because you over or under prepared. You're prepared.

It's the rhythm of the thing. There's nothing you're going to be able to do about it. Yeah, it's like the confidence and the trust in yourself. And that's been like, my thing this year is just feeling more confident. But you should. Again, the Lisa Simpson and me feels like I need. Listen here, Lisa. Well, you should be more confident

because you have a great special that's out right now. Thank you. And I want everyone at home to please watch it. Tune in on Netflix. Tell a friend. Do as much as you can to spread this thing around to keep it. One of the most top-fewed things on Netflix

who would mean the world to us over here because that's how we get good comedy out to the people. And how Sarandos ends up sending you a full set of glassware, not just two tumblers. If you get a good amount of views, he'll start to get you nice pans. He'll get you pots and pans.

What did we get for? from Sarandos? What did he send us? Because we got a bunch of views on Netflix. What did he send us? What was it? It was a hot pot? Is that what it was? Yeah. Yeah, a hot pot? No. Ted gave me a he gave me a pressure cooker and then...

Yeah, they gave us a mold of Bert's penis. They did do that. We have a mold in the hallway of Bert's penis from FreeBurt. Yeah, which I don't know why we kept. We didn't need to keep it. It's on display. It's on display. We shouldn't keep that. Anyway, shout out to Netflix for the gifts. Thanks, guys. And please go watch Happy Hour right now.

I appreciate you. You're the best. You're not on tour, but when you do go back on tour, Kelseycookcom.com. Kelseycook.com. Right? Yeah. It's been a second since I've...

Is that funny? Well, you do go back. You'll go back next year. No, I go back this fall. You'll be there this fall. I just... If I took the summer off, that's big for me. Summer's nice.

Yeah, good for you. But yeah, Kelseycook.com, and then Kelseycook comedy on socials. On all the socials. Go follow her. Like, subscribe it. Do whatever you got to do. Leave a nice message to the... bird bone

bird bone neck lady bird bone neck lady look at that camera say one word or one phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready this will end the episode and it will be cemented

in history forever we've talked about submitting this to the Smithsonian I don't know if they are going to take up our request but we keep trying so whenever you're ready go ahead and look at that camera

and one word or one phrase anal cavity in here we pour whisk whisk whisk whisk You were that creature in the ginger beard. Stirty and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters.

On September 19th, joined thousands and Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca.