Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Kevin Nealon

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

Santino sits down with Kevin Nealon to chat about Jeff Daniels bleeding through a life mask fitting at SNL, auditioning for Cheers, his biggest residual checks and his time at the comedy store while creating new shows for comics to try out never before seen material. COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! ROMAN - Get help put the boost back in your rocket 🚀 fix your ED now with Roman http://getroman.com/whiskey for $15 your first order BETTERHELP - You deserve to feel better Get the help you need today from wherever you are http://betterhelp.com/whiskey for 10% OFF your first month CUTS CLOTHING - Premium quality with minimal nonsense Built for performance and to wear for all occasions http://cutsclothing.com/whiskey for 15% OFF your first order Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. We got another good one for you today, man. Kevin Nealon. Love this dude. What an incredible guy. What a great career he's had. From SNL to Weeds. He just keeps doing great stuff. I really do love Kevin. He's incredible. A super, super smart, witty, talented mind, man.

I love this guy. I'm on the road. Come on. Let's go. Come see me. AndrewSant man. I love this guy. I'm on the road. Come on, let's go. Come see me. AndrewSantino.com is where you're going to get the tickets. I'm going to be in Houston. Then I'm going to be in Madison. Then I'm going to be in Nashville and Colusa,

which is up north near Sacramento, doing a one-night gig at a casino. Come spend your money, ruin your mortgage payment, and see me and laugh uh then i'm also doing boston and we're releasing a bunch of dates we're about to put a whole list of dates out for the fall slash winter but go to andrewsantino.com and get those tickets come see me uh right now uh and if you're looking for the merch it's in the merch bar below if you're on youtube uh or at andrewsantinostore.com. And also, the Patreon. Hey!

We're making good stuff over there. That's where the solo episodes live on Patreon. That's where the Cheeto chats are. And we do Zooms for the top tier, which is really dope once a month. It's very fun to help support the show. So go to patreon.com slash whiskeygingerpodcast and join the rest of us at the Whiskey Ginger Crew and this family.

We appreciate you. We love you. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Hi, good morning, everybody.

It's about 12, 14 here in the silver, what do they call it? The silver fox area? This is where all the roaming silver foxes are? You know the intersection, Ventura Boulevard and Laurel Canyon? It's called the Silver Triangle. Really? Yeah. What does that represent?

I don't know. I was on my GPS today, and I've spent so much time out there. I used to live around there, and I worked at Radford a lot. But I just found out that they call it the Silver Triangle. Well, in Chicago, where I grew up, there was an area. They call it the Viagra Triangle because it's a bunch of old, rich dudes trying to pick up young co an area, they call it the Viagra Triangle, because it's a bunch of old rich dudes trying to pick up young, you know, co-eds. So they call it the Viagra Triangle. And it is true to form.

You go down there to like Gibson's or one of those spots. Yeah. It's all dudes 60 and up and all girls 22 to 28. And it's wonderful. These people, they connect, they get what they both want, and it works. Wow. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that.

No. What is Burns Brothers? I thought it was a Brooks Brothers hat. No, it was a fictitious company, construction company, for a show I was on called Man with a Plan with Matt LeBlanc. Rest in peace. That's who we were. I ran into you at CBS Radford.

You were shooting that show. Yeah. What was I doing there? Probably bombing an audition. Yeah. You were, oh, man, I've done so many auditions there. What was I doing there? Probably bombing an audition. Yeah. You were, oh man, I've done so many auditions there. That place I've never booked.

Do you know, I was, when I, I know it's hard to book out there. It's, why, I don't know, but it is for some reason. CBS Radford is like a bad luck charm.

I auditioned for that show about five years ago and I was coming from the dentist and my, they gave me more Novocaine than I had hoped. And so my whole left side was numb and I'm driving over Laurel Canyon from Century City and I'm trying, I'm hitting my chin, my cheek to try to make it, um, you know, get a numb. So I got to talk and I'm like, uh, I'm going to audition with Matt LeBlanc.

And I just do what happened. And I get into talk, and I was like, I got to shut down for my audition with Matt LeBlanc. Right. And it just wouldn't happen. And I get into the parking lot, and there's another guy waiting there who I didn't know at the time. He had a beard, kind of a burly guy, and he was reading

for the same part. And I since, you know, talked to him about this. He goes, when I saw you, I thought, I'm not getting it. And it was Tom Segura.

Oh, it was? Yeah. Oh, that's wild. Yeah. He doesn't really audition much for TV shows. I guess not getting it. And it was Tom Segura. Oh, it was? Yeah. Oh, that's wild. He doesn't really audition much for TV shows. I guess not. But anyway, so I go in there and audition with Matt LeBlanc. I never met him before.

Hey, how you doing? Was that Sylvester Stallone? Who was that? Yeah, that was Stallone. Oh. Why was he there with Matt? Although, you know what? When my son first started watching Man With a Plan,

and he saw Matt LeBlanc, he was young. He was like 10 at the time or nine. He goes, that guy sounds like, like Rocky. Oh, so he said you heard it too? Yeah,

yeah. Does he sound like that? I'm trying to think. Yeah, he's kind of like, he's kind of like lumbering in his voice. Kind of blue collar, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so I think he, I think they thought I had a stroke or something,

you know? Because your mouth was... It was like half. That side was dead. That's why you got the role. Probably. And then when they found out that you didn't have the stroke, they were like, oh, Kev, we got to give you a block every time you come in.

We thought we felt bad for you. We were only trying to help you. How long was that show? Four years. Did you enjoy it? I did. I should introduce you, by the way we started right away okay ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my

favorite people on earth i say that from i guess but i mean it once again today it's kevin neal and kevin thanks for being here did you enjoy the show i did enjoy the show yeah it was great multi-camera shot right over here in radford studios studio city and um a lot of fun people good people and it was you know a multi-camera is the best show to do. You know, it's the best schedule. You're home most of the time. But it's also because you have the rhythm that's good. Like, look, you're, I don't like complimenting you,

but you're very talented. That's hard to say. It just really is hard for me to say that. I don't take compliments lightly. Okay. Well, take it heavily. What does that mean? I don't take them lightly.

Watch how you compliment me, pal. I don't take them lightly. But you're very me, pal. I don't take them lightly. But you're very talented. That's a skill that you possess, right? Talent? Yeah. No. Multicam is hard.

I've tried it. It's not for me. It's very hard. I just think it's not the... Obviously, the comedic rhythm that you have comes with the territory of stand-up. But the rhythm of multicam is not the same. It's very different.

You have to... The beats aren't as smooth. You kind of have to, you have to really learn that dance. Well, it's kind of like a play. You know, it's taped in front of a live audience, and there's multi-cameras, four or five. And, you know, you have to kind of know your lines.

That's hard. That I don't do. And sometimes it's a line, and it's the closest I've ever come to doing a play. I've never done a play. Really? I did the vagina monologues in college. Did you play the vagina? Mm-hmm. Oh, nice. I played the monologue the second season.

Oh, nice. No, I played the vagina monologues, and I was an abusive husband. I was the one man. Those are, they're always female shows. Yeah, that was really popular for a while. Yeah, it was huge. And I did it, and people, the hate I got from it. Because I played the, it was like you played a good character.

Like, do you ever get that where you played a character well enough on a tv or a movie where people just kind of give you hate because the character was hateable do you know what I mean well I've gotten when I did a weekend update in SNL I got a death threat letter once oh but that was that I would I didn't get a lot of hate what was the letter it was an actual handwritten letter what What did it say? Did you read what it said? Yeah, I remember exactly what it said. It said, Mr. Nealon, how you became so unfunny, I will never know, but I'm going to put a bullet in your big, fat mick head.

Wow. And for like a week after that, I was really paranoid. I was walking around and asking everybody, do you think I have a fat head? Is it fat? Do you think it's fat? I mean, should I lose weight just in my head or the whole body?

I like that he made it about your ethnic background. Yeah, that's so funny. Your stupid mick head. Your big fat mick head. I imagine he wrote it, your big fat head, and was like, big fat mick head. Neil, and that's Irish. I'm going to put mick in there.

That's wild. Well, because also the days that you were on Saturday Night Live, maybe I'm wrong and you can correct me. I feel like you guys push the limits a little bit more than they do today. That's so disrespected today. I just think time was very different. One time they got rid of the censor on the show. What do you mean? The person who's, you know, the NBC person who lets you know what's appropriate and what's not and won't fly, you know, on air.

Like, you know, they would say you can't do this. And you really have to kind of negotiate with those people. Like when you write a script, you write way over the top so that you give them something. Say, okay, we'll take out the grasshopper penis thing, you know, but can I leave this part in

with the part you really want it in, you know? That's smart. that's fine. But, so they got rid of the sensor one week

and that's the week we did the penis sketch, you know, penis town. Penis looking good, Bob. Yeah, where are you from?

Denver. Oh, that's good penis town, you know? So we said penis like 20, you know, like 2,200 times. So what did they cut? 2,000. So. Where are you from? Denver. Oh, that's good. Penis town. So he said penis like 20, you know, like 2,200 times.

So what did they cut? 2,000. So they didn't cut anything because the sensor was not there but the next week the sensor was back. What did the sensor take a week off

for some reason? No, they just thought they didn't want to, they didn't need a sensor. They don't. Yeah. Don't you think that's the time,

well, that's why the internet has kind of, you can do a sketch on the internet now without any rules. SNL has to work within the confines which I think is really

tough for that show and they do as good as they can with being on a national television network. But I do think you got, historically that show always kind of pushed

the limits of stuff and it's weird to see it now kind of adhere to social rules a little bit more than they used to. I mean, they said the N-word

in the first episode. It's kind of crazy to think about. Who said the N-word? Chevy did, right? Oh, oh, and that, and the original episode. I don't know. Yeah, well, because Eddie called him a honky, and they were going back and forth,

and he calls him the N-word. And I remember watching it. Eddie who? Eddie Murphy. That wasn't the first episode if Eddie Murphy was on. It was the first episode he was on, I mean. Oh, if he was on, okay. And Chevy Chase was hosting or something? I don't know how that worked on. It was the first episode he was on, I mean. Oh, he was on. Yeah. And Chevy Chase was hosting or something?

I don't know how that worked out. I don't remember what it was. I need a little more clarification about the N-word use. You love it so much. He said it. Kevin said it on the way in to me. He called me the N-word on the way in, which I accepted. I graciously accepted it.

But it was an interesting move on your behalf. He said it to, they were arguing and he said it to him. I don't know. I think it was Eddie's first episode. Yeah. But also I just think that show always has kind of done crazy shit, uh, and said crazy shit. And now it's harder to say crazy shit. Cause you know, everyone's a little scurred of saying the thing you shouldn't have said. Well, it's funny. Like people are really, um, cautious about what they say. They're really self-censoring themselves, you know, filtering a lot.

Like I've noticed that people are even afraid to say the name of an ethnic race. You know, you'll hear somebody talking. They'll say, you know, I was standing, I was down on Wilshire the other day, and there was a couple of black guys behind me the other day. And, you know, I go to this food truck all the time. I love it down there. This Mexican guy owns it, you know. Right. I always get all the time I love it down there this Mexican guy owns it you know I always get a burrito

when I'm down there you know they don't keep the words quiet that should be quiet like I was talking to some politicians the other day you know

most of those guys are lawyers but you know you asked me about you know if people that's how I'm gonna wish I'm like yeah

you know I talked to my agent the other day and what yeah it is true I also don't yeah, you know, I talked to my agent the other day, and what? Yeah. It is true. I also don't like the word African-American. I've said that often.

I think it's... I can't keep up. Is it black now, or is it African-American? It's always been black. I don't think they mind. Yeah. No, if you ever have any black people that are in your life, like if you're friends with them or work associates, ask them. This is the biggest annoyance about white people.

They just assume that they know the best version of things. Go ask a friend. If you don't have any black friends, that's a whole other story. But black people have never liked to be called African American. I've never had one black friend in my life who prefers to be called African American. I'm not Irish American. No, you're not. You're a white guy. Yeah. You're a white guy. Are you offended when somebody calls you a white guy? That's what I am. How could I? I'm white. But you're not really white. You're a white guy. Are you offended when somebody calls you a white guy? That's what I am. How could I? I'm white. But you're not really white.

You're more orange. Orange-y, kind of a pink. I'm a pink hue. Kind of purple bruised. Ooh, that's a good hue. That's my hue, purple bruised. All right, look, you've got a little bit more tan than I do, but you're not by much.

No, I'm beige. I'm a beige guy. Right. Yeah. Can you name your next special beige guy? Beige guy. You know, I'm a beige guy. Right. Yeah. Can you name your next special beige guy? Beige guy. You know, I... A beige man.

I have some road gigs coming up, a whole bunch of them. Plug them. I'm not really, you know, I'm not going to plug them because I don't know what they are off the top of my head. But if people go to kevinnealon.com, they can see where I'm going. Okay. But I don't... I should call it a tour, but I can never come up with a name for a tour. I did the exact same...

Yesterday, I did have a call with my agent, and he said, you need to have a tour name because everyone's doing this. Yeah. Tom Segura's tour, which I think is the most clever name, it's called I'm Coming Everywhere. Yeah. It's great. Whitney's just put out.

Don't Touch Me. Don't Touch Me because she had the Can I Touch It on her Netflix special. I just saw another one this morning, too, that I thought was very clever. But anyway, yeah, people do that. I'm not good at that. I can't come up with a name. Kevin Nealon Live is fine. How about just, I'll be there tour. I'm come, I'm here's the list of cities. I'm going to legendary tour. I'll take it from weeds.

The legendary tour. That was my little catchphrase. And we used legendary. That was a great show by the way. That was good. In fact, you know, you're asking me before about people when they come to see me, I forget how you paraphrased it. But anyway, sometimes people during the Weeds window, when I was on Weeds, they were a little disappointed because they thought they were coming to see Doug Wilson do stand-up. Really? Yes. That's what they needed. Yeah.

They thought Doug Wilson was doing stand-up, not Kevin Nealon. Imagine what they do when they see Bob Saget do stand-up. Blow their mind. Yeah. He was talking about the twins in a very weird way. I think people that don't know Bob don't understand that he's

that squeaky clean image that people, particularly very young people, grew up with, didn't have any idea. The only reason I knew was because I was in love with stand-up.

And as a kid, I was obsessed with stand-up. So I knew the other side of that story, but my friends thought, they were like, that's not true. That guy's not like a dirty, he's obsessed with stand-up. So I knew the other side of that story, but my friends thought, they were like, that's not true. That guy's not like a dirty, he's like a,

he's like a, he's like a dorky dad, sweetheart. I'm like, no, he's a dirty mouth guy's guy. I've worked with Bob a lot over the years. You know, we both kind of started out around the same time back in the 80s. And oh my God, we worked at an Anchorage, Alaska a couple couple times. There's a show up there? There was a strip club up there that Jay Leno told us about. He goes, yeah, paying cash up there.

Well, you tell some jokes, get some cash. Yeah, it's a good gig. So we go up there, and it's called PJ's Strip Club. It was in Anchorage, Alaska. And you literally follow the strip show. The strippers come off with their pasties. Their pasties are on fire. They have lockers.

And you go out to the same audience, and the guy's in flannel shirt, you know, the oil workers and the lumberjacks. There's no way they want to hear you. Well, they stick around. They don't have to stick around, but they do. But, you know, they kind of eventually get up and leave. But Bob and I both did that show. A lot of comics did it. And then they put you up in a trailer on the owner's property and it was just like a big room. It might've had a bathroom in it, but there was no furniture. It had two beds in it, one on both sides. Right. And there was nothing for us to do. So me and Bob would just lay in bed and we, we would come up, we would see who'd come up with the dirtiest, filthiest sentence, you know, just like a one sentence, a long on running on sentence, you know, that had

no grammar to it or anything, you know, we would just laugh ourselves asleep. You know, he's, he's very, he, his filth category is unique. He's good at coming up with like really dirty discuss, but you're, you're not a dirty guy on stage. No, you're, I mean, clean is such an annoying word. Cause I wouldn't say you're clean, but you're... I'm more dark than anything else. Dark in a dry way. But, you know, when I started doing stand-up, there wasn't all of these. The only thing they had was HBO, and you could be dirty in HBO.

Right. But everybody was saying, like, you got to be clean. You got to be clean. Plus, you know, if my parents came to the show, we never swore on how I was growing up, and everything was appropriate. So I didn't want to have, like like two minutes of material when they came, you know, so my show was always clean.

And, um, and so, yeah. So if you wanted to do the tonight show, you had to be clean. What year did you do the tonight show? I did it in 84 the first time.

Did you kill? I did. I got panel. I got couched with them. You got couched. It was the best thing ever. And I was so scared. I was,

my mouth was so dry. Like when I came out from behind the curtain, they were applauding. He introduced me, you know. And as I'm walking out to my spot,

the audience is applauding. I could smell a little bit of Johnny Carson's cigarette from the commercial break, you know. And I totally blanked out. I couldn't remember my act.

I could not remember it for anything. And after the last clap ended, it came to me. And I started. Wow. And it just snowballed. I was getting laughs and applause breaks. I hear Johnny laughing.

And I'm thinking to myself, I'm outside of my skin. I'm thinking, I'm on The Tonight Show and I'm killing. That's awesome. This is what I always wanted. Yeah. And I ended. And because of the applause, I mean, it went longer than it should have. And they had to bump the next act.

Oh, really? Which was a girl I dated for about six months. I met her there. What? Yeah. So I go behind the curtain. Johnny gives me the okay thing. And then the talent coordinator, Jim McCulley's name was, he goes, that was great.

Stick around. I think Johnny wants to talk to you after the commercial break. Yeah. Did you load up material that you wants to talk to you after the commercial break. Yeah. Did you load up, do you load up material that you want to talk about on the couch? Well, I didn't think I would be doing the couch. Oh, you never even considered it?

No. I mean, I considered it, but I didn't really have anything planned. But he goes to me, the talent coordinator, and he goes, okay, Johnny, I want to talk to you.

So what can we talk about? And then he goes, oh, you got plenty of stuff. Don't worry about it. I went out there, and I had a joke that was like one of my best jokes that I hadn't used for some reason on that set. But it was like, um, uh, he goes, I remember exactly what he said. And he goes, that was funny. Now what am I pronouncing your name? Right. I said, he goes, Kevin Nealon. I said, it's Kavan, actually, Kavan. And he laughed.

And then he goes, so you're working on the road a lot? And I said, yeah, it gets a little lonely out there, Johnny. He goes, yeah, I bet it does. And he goes, how do you deal with that? I go, well, you know, they say calling long distance is the next best thing to being there because that was the commercial at the time for whatever the commercial was. And I said, I think the next best thing to being there is being with someone that looks similar. You know,

and he threw his head back, some more smoke came out, you know, he was laughing. And I just, and I just went, everything went so well and then I dated a girl

that I bumped. We had a mutual friend. What was her thing? She was an actress. Oh, she was just going to come out and do couch as an actress? Yeah,

she was just going to promote her show. Oh, wow. And you bumped her. Yeah, we had a mutual friend. And you bumped her. And, yeah. But Oh, she was just going to come out and do Couch as an actress? Yeah, she was just going to promote her show. Oh, wow. And you bumped her. Yeah. We had a mutual friend. And you bumped her.

Yeah. But anyway, it was like the highlight of my career, more than anything else, more than SNL. Because stand-up was really what I wanted to do. And that show was what I wanted to do. But now it's kind of like dated. You don't even put it on your resume or talk. Well, comedy fans, I think, still understand the weight

and the gravity of what Carson did and what he created. So I think it's still well-respected, but I know what you mean. I think young people don't. I think young people, we don't have that thing now. That's like the kingmaker. It doesn't really exist anymore. Right. So, I mean, for me as a kid, I thought that was so cool

when people did Carson and got the couch. I thought that was such a wild—it was like— And you know what else, Andrew? You got blessed publicly. Oh, yeah. And I knew because I used to live at the Improv. I was a bartender there for a couple years. That's right.

And I would go there every night. When I had friends coming to town, like from Connecticut, where I was from, they wanted to see L.A. I said, I don't really know anywhere. I could take you down to the Improv because that's where I kind of like hang out. Every night. Every night. So I used to see,

and I knew that when somebody did The Tonight Show for the first time, they had a TV over the bar. It wasn't a plasma screen. It was like a TV they hung, you know. And everybody would come out into the bar, all the comics, and they would watch the comic

do The Tonight Show for the first time, especially if it was their first time. And I knew everybody was out there watching. And I still have the answering machine tape in my, you know, telephone message recorder from back then. It's like a cassette tape of all the comics calling me and congratulating me. Like Paul Reiser, Brad Garrett, Gary Shanley, Bob Saget.

Wow. You know, it was really, it was the highlight of my career. That tape is worth a lot to you. It is. It is. I love it. I love it. And nothing really has kind of like.

Felt that way? Matched that, yeah. Was Lauren, did he know you from that? I don't know where he knew me from. He, Dana Carvey recommended me to Lorne. Right. See, I never, I never like, I, all I wanted to do was stand up. I was like you, I just love standup. I used to highlight the comics that were going to be on TV and the TV guide. And I would be there to watch George Miller on Murph Griffin or whatever, or whomever, you know, and I would, and I knew every comic and Saturday Night Live was a show that I just knew

people died to try to get auditions for that whenever they came through town. And so I'm friends with Dana Carvey. We're actually sharing a house on the Hollywood Hills with another comic, Bob Dubac and a writer friend of mine, Joe Kenny. And I'm dating Jan hooks at the time who was on the show, who actually got on the show when I did, but Dana, um, got on the show that summer for that coming fall. This is back in the 1900s. And drove his horse drawn carriage all the way to New York city.

That's right. It was an Uber carriage. And he calls me two weeks later, and he says, Kevin, they're looking for another cast member. You know, and I told Lorne about you, and, you know, he wants to see your audition tape. So I sent my Tonight Show stuff in. Oh, you did?

Yeah, that's how I got it. You know, I just, and then I had to go audition, too. And Weekend Update, a choice? The Weekend Update was something Lorne, I think, always kind of had an eye on me to do. And when Dennis was finished, he offered it to me.

And I always loved Chevy Chase, the way he did it. Everybody's got their own thing. Dennis did it great. But everybody has their own thing. It's the way they do it. But I like more the dry newscaster. So he was kind of my role model, Chevy Chase. And then that opened up.

And I'm telling you, that Weekend Update spot, I was still doing sketches and stuff too, characters. Yeah. I wasn't just doing Weekend Update. And that was a difficult, it wasn't difficult, but it was a challenge. Because a lot of people didn't want to write for Weekend Update because they wanted to write their own sketches.

Sure. And they wanted to write their own sketches. Sure. And they wanted to have their catchphrase and all that, you know. And the newer writers would write, and they weren't that good. So I was paying people $50 out of my own pocket to fax in jokes like Drake Sather and some of these other people. Guys from out here. From out here. Yeah. And I would get these faxes.

And then I'd write my own jokes too. But you couldn't write anything until Saturday morning because all the other talk shows were doing it, you know, Thursday, Friday, you know. And so Saturday morning I'd get up and I'd get like five newspapers at home and I'd start writing jokes. Maybe sometimes even late Friday.

I'd look, there was no computers back then. It sounds so ancient. But there was no, we had AP photos and newspapers. And so Lorne, to try to get people to come and write, put out a breakfast up on the 17th floor of the writer's wing. A hot catered breakfast and had newspapers.

And the only people that would come would be the new writers, Al Franken, because he was a political pundit. Norm MacDonald would come up to read the paper and have breakfast. Right. He would. That's right.

Yeah. And then me. And, you know, we put it together and do it. But it was very, it is the pivotal point of the show. So it's a really kind of a high pressure spot to be in. Oh, yeah. And people are also very judgmental, especially when somebody's been doing it

for five or six years before you and they're used to that person. Yeah. And when you come in, they're going to be very, they'll either be happy or angry that you're doing it now. Yeah, it's a lot easier to become a cast member

and just jump into sketches because they slowly kind of finagle you into sketches. And then slowly by surely, they build you up. With Weekend, you have to just do Weekend. But the Weekend update came like five years into my run. Yeah.

And I had been doing feature spots on there and stuff. And I always did the warm-ups for SNL, too. What? I would come out and do the warm-ups.

There's no warm-up comic today. There isn't? I don't think so. I think there is. There is? There must be. Yeah. I think somebody comes out.

Because I've gone to a couple of tapings, but I'm always backstage and I never really, I don't go out until the show's up. Well, I like doing it because it helped me get over my nerves. Yeah. And it got the audience used to seeing me too. Right.

So I would go out there. But I had a full plate. I was doing Weekend Update. I had maybe had a sketch on that week. I had to kind of produce that and look at that. And then I had the warm-ups to do.

Jesus. Did you ask to do warm-up or did they ask you? I don't remember. But I did it for eight years. And no one, did other cast members?

No, not eight years. I did, Dennis used to do it before me. Oh, he did? Yeah. So I did it for maybe five or six years. In here, we pour whiskey.

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on fire, baby. GetRoman.com slash whiskey. That's GetRoman.com slash whiskey. Ginger. I like gingers. Now they must have one now. I guess I never thought about it. I tested five years ago.

For COVID or? No, I tested positive for COVID five months ago. Three weeks ago. Did you really? You had COVID? I had COVID in October. Did you really?

Coming up on my one-year COVID anniversary. Yeah, I'm excited. I heard it comes back every year. It does, but you don't have to let it in. Yeah. You know, you can shove it off. Just like anxiety. Oh, that's a lot harder to avoid.

That's going to stick with you. Yeah, I tested for SNL five, six years ago. I don't even know. But it was a great process. They laughed. Did you go to NBC? Yeah, I went to New York. Well, I went to New York, tested, came back to LA,

got a phone call and said, Lauren wants to have lunch with you and all that stuff. Really? Mm-hmm. Wow, that's good. Yeah, and then I went back and he was really nice. We sat in his office for like an hour and a half. Well, you got all that stuff. Really? Wow. That's good. Yeah. And then I went back and he was really nice. We sat in his office for like an hour and a half and, um, well, you got really close then. Yeah. It was me and Pete Davidson and, and, and Lauren was very cool about it.

The way he said it was, I respected him for it. He was like, I'm looking for a specific puzzle piece and you're a very talented guy. I, you're, you're You'd do great on the show. I just don't know if you're the piece I'm looking for. And I understood, like clearly, I was like, yeah. And you said, how can I convince you? I pulled out a gun and I said, put me on the goddamn show. No, I honestly, I took it, I understood what he meant because I did great. My audition was phenomenal.

They laughed at every single character I did. So I knew I did great. And then I had known Pete. I just met Pete at Montreal and he was 19 or maybe 20 I don't even know but I realized I was like it's me I'm a 30 year old guy versus a 19 year old guy a kid I understood it was like they want a young guy to either mold or they want an experienced guy because at that point I already done a couple sitcoms I already I'd already had headlined a little bit like Like, my feet were more than wet.

So, I got it. When he said that, I was like, this makes sense. The kid makes sense. And I wasn't mad about it, oddly enough. I was just kind of like,

I understood. Yeah, yeah. You were more of a businessman thinking like him. Well, I was just like, yeah, this makes sense. I got why he did it. It's funny as you get older

and you're more seasoned and you've been in the business for a while, you don't take things personally. You can't. You think like a producer. You go, yeah, I see where you're going with that.'ve been in the business for a while, you don't take things personally. You can't. You think like a producer. You go, yeah, I see where you're going with that. Right.

Yeah, that seems to work. I remember I auditioned, never thought I would get it. I walked into Studio 8H in New York, you know, at 30 Rock, and I immediately got really tired because I used to fall asleep watching that show. It was an association thing.

I thought, oh, this looks familiar. Fall asleep in the middle of my audition. Yeah. And then I fly home and I'm thinking, okay, that's just a free trip to New York. That's all I expected. And two weeks later, I'm sitting across from Lorne on a high rise in Beverly Hills and he's

offering me a job at SNL. And I played it like really cool. I said, well, thank you, Mr. Michael. Let me think about it over the weekend. What a shot. What if he was like, fuck you? That's the way I work, baby. That's how I negotiate.

I think I ended up on your show right here. Well, your agent called me and said, can Kev be on the show? How old were you when you were on SNL? I was about 34. Oh, yeah. See, and you know what? The thing about that show is I felt like they've still held true to that, where they do have a lot of people get that show late,

and then a lot of people, they give them really, really young. It's really interesting how sometimes they give people that show later in your career. Yeah. I was 33. 33? I mean, still, though, you're not... But there was another guy on there.

22-year-olds on the show. There was another guy on there that was super old. Who? On our cast. He was coming in that year, too. And I hadn't met him, and everyone was talking about him,

and they were saying he was 37. I thought, oh, this guy's old. What an old man. It was Phil Hartman. Oh, yeah. How old was Daryl when he got the show? Daryl Hammond? Yeah, he had to have been 40-something.

He was after me. Yeah, but I'm saying, yeah, that's what I mean. I think he was in his 40s when he got that show. He's Delano, isn't he? And Leslie got him when she was 50 or 49 or 48 or something like that. Really? Yeah, she was much older. I mean, she's 106 now.

So let's see. 10 divided by 7. 7 divided by 6. 6 divided by 5. 5 divided by 3. 8 divided by 6. Pi squared. 32.

Yeah, 32. Yeah. No, those days are long gone, but I was happy. I was a part of it for the time being. I always think, what would I have done if I didn't do that show? Been successful as a stand-up anyway? I had auditioned for a show a couple years after I moved out here, and I had five callbacks. And I was so excited.

My manager, my manager was excited, too. And I remember hearing the two producers look at each other and go, we're not getting any closer than this. And I walked outside of the office. It was at Paramount. I looked around. I thought and go, we're not getting any closer than this. And I walked outside of the office. It was at Paramount. I looked around. I thought, well, I guess this could be my new home. A week goes by.

I don't hear anything. Two weeks. And I find out they're looking at older people for the role. And it was for Sam Malone on Cheers. Ted Danson got it. Wow. Yeah. But I had been, you know,

originally it was not a baseball player. It was a football player from the East Coast and a bartender, ex-bartender. And I was both of those. Yeah. But I had been, you know, I originally, it was not a baseball player. It was a football player from the East Coast and a bartender, ex-bartender. And I was both of those. Perfect. Ex-football player, bartender. I was from the East Coast. And then I see it come on and it does so well. But had I done that, I wouldn't be sitting here right now.

My life would have changed. Do you believe in that kind of stuff? You'd be a billionaire, yeah. I'd be so rich. But had I done that, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. My life would have changed. Do you believe in that kind of stuff? You'd be a billionaire. I'd be so rich. Do you believe in that? Like signs and things like if you went through that orange light, that yellow light, your life would change. But you stopped instead. Butterfly effect? Sometimes. Is that what it is?

The butterfly effect? Yeah, one element changes the rest of history forever. I do think some things I think about but I don't think it happens as often as we'd like. I do think some things I think about, but I don't think it happens as often as we'd like. I think it does happen, but when it does, it's almost like two cosmos.

Like, I think it's just a total, complete coincidence. Do you believe in a soulmate? No. No. I don't think there's one person for you. But there is one person who would be the best for you

out of everybody in the world. Seven billion people. You don't think you could meet another person who would be the best for you out of everybody in the world. Seven billion people. You don't think you could meet another person that would have a lot of good things in common with you? Not as good as that person you'll never meet that is your soulmate. Right, you'll never meet them. You know, geographically, most people hook up or get married to the person that is in their circle. Location. Whether they're in an improv group or a skating group.

Yeah, it's location. whether they're in an improv group or a skating group yeah it's location or high school and you know you go to a high school and you fall in love with the prettiest girl at that high school which may not be that pretty of a girl and bystanders of the rest of the world globally because that's in your environment that's what works that's what works for you yeah we live in a vacuum i think a soulmate may exist. This is a good idea. We'll never meet our soulmates. I think there is someone for everyone. You'll never get to meet them.

Probably not. It's impossible. The odds are impossible. And the kismet of meeting them, I mean, even with internet now and with all of these online dating things where they can narrow it down to people that are right the way we i don't know how you did it but i just happened to meet my wife yeah i just met her um did i say wife wives sorry how many how many you on uh uh this is my last one my second one your second one is last that's fine two two two seems right three would be one is understandable one's fine one's very cliche i mean i've i've how did i talk to recently that engaged like five times wasn't liza minnelli married like a hundred times and she

married the same guy twice yeah yeah you there's no excuse for marrying the same guy twice why what's the purpose i never understood that well i was in aspen a couple years not a couple years ago now it was like 20, 30 years ago. Comedy festival? I think it was. And Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith had just, he just proposed to her again. They're getting remarried.

Right. And I had dinner with them that night at some restaurant. You did? Yeah. How do you know them? She hosted SNL once. It's funny. When somebody hosts SNL, you're friends forever.

Right. Because they're so terrified and they bond with you so tightly. I mean, I could go down to Tennessee and knock on Dolly Parton's door. Oh, hey, Kevin! You know. It's like that. Because they create this

trust with you because you're helping them through this. Yeah, and it's a memory for them because it's exhilarating, you know, and it's... Who was your least favorite person that hosted the show? You know, everybody asked me this. I never answered them, but I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you who it was. Who was it?

They're not alive anymore. Oh, so it's easy. That's fine. Yeah. Buster Keaton. Buster Keaton. Wow. I was going with it. And when did he host? When did Buster host? You know, he'd been around for a while. I saw him on Twilight Zone. Yeah. Buster Keaton. Yeah. You know, he did some guest spots on different shows. He was 80 then, I think. Yeah, he probably was. Yeah. But no, everybody was on their best behavior.

Liar. I'll tell you, I really felt for some people, though, on that show. Because they would bomb. They were terrified. Yeah. Because they never did live TV. At least we did stand-up. So I came from a background where I was in front of a live audience,

and I just had to, like, discount the cameras. That was my way of rationalizing. To get outizing my fear. To get out of my fear was there's no cameras. Nobody's watching this show because it was almost canceled the year before we went on, you know. So some people I felt really bad for, like I was getting a life mask made once. You know what that is? No.

They have to make a prosthetic piece. So they put plaster all over your face. Right. And they cover everything except for your nostrils. And I didn't think I'd have a problem with it. And they put plastic over your body. And you can't hear anything. You can't see.

And it takes 11 minutes. He told me all this. And he was talking to me like, this is a big deal. And I'm like, what are you worried about? Let's just do it. I don't mind. You know, I feel like it's Halloween, you know. So he puts all the plaster on.

It starts to harden. And it's getting hot. And I realized that the only way for me to breathe is out of my nostrils. And if somebody were to close that, I would be toast. You'd die. I started panicking. Yeah. And I started getting lightheaded. And I told take it off take it off he goes what take it off i could barely hear him he goes take it off

well yeah i could feel his thumbs under the plaster and then he passed out whoa the next thing i remember i could he had smelling salts and i woke up he goes you all right i go yeah what happened because you passed out in the thing. You know, you just, I said, wow. He goes, I think I might be able to salvage the mask though I put it in cold water

because I didn't want to have to go through it again. And he showed it to me. It looked like this. But anyway, so I said, let's do it again because I don't, you know, I don't want to have that crazy,

you know, thing about passing out. Let's try it again. He goes, okay, let's do it again if you want to, but I'll keep your hands outside the plastic. I'll turn the radio up loud so you have that sensory thing, and we'll do it again. So I did it again, and I almost passed out again. But a week later, and this is for a Jay Leno mask,

you know, a chin. They need the chin. Yeah, the chin. So a week later, I'm on the subway, and it stops in between stations, and it's dark. I started getting that same feeling again. I was traumatized by it. Yeah.

And I thought, oh, no. And it just snowballed. I became claustrophobic. Even to the extent of being on stage. Like, I didn't know if I could stay on stage. If they said, you got to do 45 minutes, like at the Laugh Festival, or the Just for Laughs in Montreal,

you got your headliner, you're doing 45 minutes. I go, oh, that means I'm trapped. trapped i can't leave and that made me panicky so i would tell the i would always tell the mc stay close because i might have to leave and they go okay okay you know i said no no i'm serious and you know cars if i was driving away from home it became it started going into um agoraphobia if i saw traffic on the other side of the freeway going back to my house, I would get panicky. Or if I was on a bridge in traffic. Is it still that way today? No, no, I got over it because I confronted all my fears. In here, we pour whiskey. Guys, the sport of business means demanding excellence from your craft and your wardrobe. You know, your fit's got to be versatile. You can't have just one look. You got to blend timeless style to new age stuff.

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for 15% off the only shirt worth wearing. Ginger. I like gingers. I'm telling you this because, like I said, I felt bad for some people on that show. And one of those people was Jeff Daniels. It's Friday, day before the show. He's hosting. I don't see him around. And Jim Downey, the head writer, comes up to me.

And he goes, did you hear what's going on with Jeff Daniels? I say, no, what's happening? He goes, they put a life mask on him. They can't get it off. And I just, I started, what? What? And he's kind of snickering a little bit. He goes, yeah, that's crazy.

They can't get it off. I think, you know, the mixture of chemicals, it hardened. And he had like a five o'clock growth, and it stuck to his eyebrows and his eyelashes. They couldn't get it off. So they said, just stay calm. We're going to pull it away from your forehead and pour water down, and we're going to put the straws up your nose so you can breathe, you know, so the water, you know. So they put the straws up his nose, and they poured the water down, but it didn't work. It didn't loosen it from his eyebrows. It gave him a bloody nose.

So there was this bright red blood on the white plaster, and he can't get it off. And if he throws up or something, he'll drown. And I'm like freaking out. I'm going, are you kidding me? He goes, yeah. So I said, well, what's happening now? And it's like been an hour already.

He's in that mask. Oh, my God. So he said they called Lorne and told Lorne what was going on. This is Friday before the show. Lorne called a couple of his plastic surgeon friends that were at a party and said, you got to get over here to Studio 8H. Told them what was going on. And they come.

And I think they maybe had a few drinks, you know. And they bring their little kid of kit of exacto knives with them and so they pull the mask away from jeff's face and they lower the exacto knife in there and they slowly cut his eyebrows off from the plaster both eyebrows oh my god so now they got now they got to cut the eyelashes you know and then they pull it all the way down They get that off and now it's stuck to his beard. It's still covering his nose, stuck to his beard. So they got to give him shots of Novocaine all the way down as they're pulling it to numb his skin. Oh my God. And I like almost died just thinking about it. Cause I could so relate to, you know, if it were me, I'd probably be dead. You'd be dead. So he comes in the next day.

He comes up to me. He's got no eyebrows. He's got no eyelashes. His face is all red and blotchy. He goes, did you hear what happened to me? I said, no, what happened? Wow. But he said he told his wife who was back at the hotel,

and she ran into the bathroom and threw up. Good thing she wasn't stuck in a face mask. But did he not, I mean, after that, I feel like there's a piece of it. But he was also playing Jay Leno. That's what it was for? That's how he got back at us. This is the curse of Jay Leno. Yeah.

This is why. It's all Jay's fault. I would have not hosted. I'd have been like, I'm going home. This isn't, I would have been so upset. He's pretty amazing. I would have too. I mean, I would have been traumatized.

I don't know if he got claustrophobia from that. Was he mad about it? Could you feel he was kind of pissed off when he hosted? Was he mad the rest of the weekend? I didn't sense that in memory. I think he was just like, holy cow, that was crazy.

That's such a patient way. He's like a Midwestern guy, a Midwestern Michigan guy, I guess. That's weird, man. Yeah, that's crazy. That stuck to my beard. That's panic, man. Yeah, that's crazy. That stuck to my beard. That's panic for me. Like I have claustrophobia to a very small degree.

It's not, I don't have, but like certain things do give me super bouts of anxiety and panic. I'll tell you what it's about. Any kind of, well, I'm not a doctor or anything, but a lot of phobias, not all of them, but some phobias and anxiety and panic attack, it's breathing. It's your breathing. Yeah. Because you start hyperventilating, which doesn't mean breathing a lot. Sometimes it means not breathing at all. You forget to breathe. And I went to, I went to a phobia doctor in the Valley here. I remember this and believe it or not, his name was Dr. Doctor. No. Yeah. That's what his name. And he gave me, he taught me how to breathe. And for a long time, I carried a brown paper lunch bag with me.

And I would breathe into the bag if I started a panic attack or if there's traffic out there, I'd get the bag out and go. You breathe in, I think it's four beats, and then you breathe out for eight beats. And you inflate, deflate the bag. And that works. That worked. And I would, anytime I was like getting anxious

about being stuck in a tunnel, like in New York, cause I'd always have to leave Manhattan. You have to go through the tunnel. Yeah. And I'd always like bring a blanket or a coat to put over my head and my headphones and my iPod. And I just listened, blast everything out before I even got into the tunnel. So I didn't even want to know when I was in the tunnel. Wow. You know, when did this cease for you? Uh, it probably lasted about two years. So it was a heavy part of your life. I mean, it overtook your life a little bit. The thing about that and anxiety is you invite it in and you let it come in.

Of course. It's like a vampire almost. It's like you let it, you don't want it, but it overtakes you and you just welcome it. And you find more ways to amplify the anxiety, and you almost, what's that word, with an addict, you know, when you facilitate, when you continue to facilitate. Enable it, yeah. When you enable your anxiety is what it is. Yeah, yeah. That's what, I mean, that's what hurts me the most.

I had, I've talked about mental health on the show a whole bunch, but I've had,'ve had severe panic attacks when I was in college and I went to this therapist. But I used to get them because I had ocular migraines. I go blind in my right eye. No way.

It's crazy. It's a precursor for migraines. Do you still get migraines? Not really. They say Botox is good for migraines. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, but I don't need Botox.

My skin is so tight. I get them probably once every three years. Once every three or four years. But I used to get them pretty regularly. What's it from? Stress? Yeah, stress. Light?

Diet. It's a lot of stuff. Light does, light is. Sunlight, yeah. My sister gets migraines. She wears these big Jackie O sunglasses to cover all the. Yeah, light, stress, diet, sleep schedule, he said, is probably the worst. So it's like an STD.

I get it. Same thing. I get it, yeah. Same thing. So it's like an STD. I get it. Same thing. Same thing. And whatever you need to tell yourself to get through it. Yeah. Use the same medication for anxiety as herpes. But I would just have panic attacks when it started to happen. I thought I was going to die. Then I would go to the hospital. Oh, man. I would go blind in my right eye. And in my left eye would just kind of look wavy. You know, when you ever be, you ever near a fire, near a fire a fire pit and if you close your eyes you know you can still see heat lines or feel that heat wave that's what it looks like just makes you go blind and then i would have that and eventually i got over it but it took me a year and a half to get through when i finally realized that i could control everything i just went to a therapist and she was like you can control it

you know that you can you can almost make it so there's no medicine and she was like you can control it you know that you can almost make it go away so there's no medicine you take for that you can take migraine medication but I don't really take stuff I don't like that so you could take it when you felt it onset

or you can go into a dark room close your eyes cover up which is what I do now when it happens by the way Weeds I wanted to tell

Mary Louise Parker am I saying it right yeah that show was severely underrated in my opinion I think it I mean it right? Yeah. That show was severely underrated, in my opinion. I mean, it did very well. But I do think not enough people I knew saw the show. But then when I saw the show and liked it,

and I'd known who you were but not known you personally, because we only met maybe, I don't know, five years ago. Something like that. I assumed you were a heavy pot smoker. I just thought. I was like, this might... No, I wasn't. Because so often guys play stuff on TV.

Like, you know, Seth Rogen always plays a pothead. He's a pothead. He plays a pothead. Right, right. I did kind of assume you might have been one of those guys. But that's nowhere near you. No. You don't drink.

You don't smoke. You don't do much. I mean, I did drink. You know, I never had a problem drinking. Right. But, you know, most weekends, te't do much. I mean, I did drink. You know, I never had a problem drinking. Right. Most weekends, tequila. I love tequila. But not anymore?

Not anymore. It just takes too long to recover. Yeah, it's bad. You know, it's just, I'd rather wake up at 8 or 7 in the morning feeling great and not be dragging all day with a headache, you know. Now, was weed ever a thing for you? No. Never?

No. Even today, will you try some once in a while or no no i mean i don't i don't need it i mean i've got so many things that make me happy yeah and like i said i don't have anxiety anymore and i don't have the claustrophobia yeah i'm like dead inside no you're not no you're probably the most alive because you don't. I'm alive, but it's funny because my wife will tell me, you know, you just don't have the, you know, I get all bubbly and happy and excited for things. And you're actually very even. Even keeled. Yeah, because, you know, you're not demonstrative with your feelings and your

emotion. I said, I think it's because I just don't trust anything anymore. You know, what do you mean? Like if somebody says you got a job, you know, you're going to Europe to shoot this film. Oh, that's great. That's great. But I'm always a little like reserved where my wife is like, oh my God, like, you know, I got a check out of the blue ones, you know, for weeds. Like they, they did an audit and they had residuals Europe, and it was a lot of money. The check came. And my wife, I show my wife, you know. For me, it's like a check.

It's going to go in the bank. They'll tax it, you know. Right. And I show it to her, and she slumps against the wall and falls down on the floor. And she's in the fetal position just happily crying. You know? And then she got a job on, she's an actress, she got a job on the Christopher Guest movie. She's a huge fan of his.

Oh, same. And same thing. Just so excited. You temper your happiness. I think so. Even with SNL. So when I got SNL, I mean, it didn't,

it wasn't as magical as when I did the first Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I was excited didn't it wasn't as magical as when I did the first Tonight Show with Johnny Carson I was excited to have it but I still didn't trust it because they could cancel the show anytime

take it away fire you yeah I mean the show was about to be cancelled when we came on so we were living all living out of our suitcase

week by week in a hotel? it was a hotel for the first week or so until we found an apartment and then we were in apartments, like, you know, we rented apartments, like studio apartments. Yeah. And so you just

don't trust it. Yeah. And that's the business, I think. I feel the same way. I feel like because anything can get pulled out from under you at any moment. But I think we need more of your wife's vibe than we, I think we need more of that. Oh, totally. I mean, I really appreciate how excited she gets. Sometimes I'll like overdo it just to show her I can get excited. Like we'll go look at houses, you know, and this is amazing. I do. I go overboard. I go, Oh my God. How did you see the kitchen? It's got a sink. It's got a stove. It's got everything. You won't believe it. Dish washer. It washes dishes! And then even on the drive home, can you believe that house?

Does she know it's bullshit? Does she like, stop, stop, stop overselling it? I know you probably won't tell me, but I do want to know how big the residual check was so bad. It was a quarter of a million dollars. Really?

Yeah. Holy shit. That's a, oh my. Are you falling to the floor now? I'm your wife. You're your wife. That's a, oh my. Are you falling to the floor now? I'm your wife. You're wife. That is an, I mean, residual checks are usually not that big.

I mean, I guess. No, well, you know, maybe it was 50,000. Lie. The show was on for a good enough amount of time where it could garner a big audience, you know, overseas and have that. I've never had that experience with with checks like that where the residual checks i never did either yeah the biggest i ever got was when i did my first commercial did you ever do commercials yeah i did a i did a uh mike's hard lemonade commercial

oh you're it would be perfect for that i got a mike's hard lemonade commercial and i remember the guy saying now look the check's gonna's going to be bad, uh, up front because it's a day rate, but it's residuals. Cause I was, it wasn't a buyout back then. It was, I mean, for people, how many times they played it, right, right. For people to know, yeah, it's how many times it airs. And I always thought, oh man, I thought I booked that. That was my thing. I thought I booked this commercial and I'm going to make some money, you know, finally. And, uh, and I was was washed it away and then a month and a half later i got a phone call from someone back in chicago i was like dude i'm at a fucking bar and i see your face on a commercial

i'm espn i'm watching the ball game and i'm seeing you over and over dude they're playing it all the time and in my head i'm like whoa that's whoa, that's nuts. Maybe that'll be some money. And again, like you, I've always been not pessimistic, but realistic. I'm always like, I don't know, maybe, probably not. And then sure enough, a month or two later after that, after the run, I started to see it. I got a couple of very large checks. And it changed my life. When you say large, what do you mean?

Well, the first one was for $28,000. Nice. And I was 24 large checks. Wow. And it changed my life. When you say large, what do you mean? Well, the first one was for $28,000. Nice. And I was 24 years old. Wow. And I probably made that in a year when I first moved out here. I probably made $28,000 a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard.

Yeah. And I thought that was, I mean, and then I got four or five more checks in suing as the time went on. But, like, that I remember feeling like, wow, this this is incredible you can make a couple you can make real money yeah yeah for years because you don't make any fucking i mean you know you make five dollars in a free sandwich when you were doing shows and stuff one of my biggest disappointments was the first commercial i ever got was it i was so excited it was for nabisco country crackers and you're perfect for. They wanted a banjo player.

I play the banjo. And I was going to be with Lynn Anderson, who wrote and sang the song, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden. It was a song back then. Anyway, she's a country singer. So I did it. I filmed it. I got it.

And I did it. And everybody was so excited for me. Even Jay Leno said, hey, I saw your commercial on the TV the other night. Good for you. A week later, after it came out, a week later, they found copper dust in the crackers, so they had to pull it from all the shelves, and they pulled the commercial.

Were people dying? They weren't dying, but, you know, the FDA, I guess, tests it and stuff. Copper dust? Something like that. How does that even get into the cracker? I don't know. Maybe from—

Some guy just shaving copper? Just pennies? He's just like, they're going to love the way it tastes. No, I don't know what it was, but I was so disappointed. Just for a brief second, I had that. But, you know, as far as like a big check, I remember I was in front of the improv one night, and my friend who was a musician moved out to L.A. He was in a band in my hometown.

What's your hometown? Bridgeport, Connecticut. Bridgeport, right. I knew you were from Connecticut. Yeah. His name was Peter McCann, and he was in a real popular band back in my neighborhood. He moved out here to do songwriting,

and he got very successful. He wrote songs, The Right Time of the Night, and Do You Want to Make Love, or You Just Want to Fool Around. Anyway, they were big hits for other people. And I saw him out in front of the improv one night. Now we're both out here. And he pulls me aside. He goes, I've got to show you this.

And he had a couple of drinks. He was celebrating. He takes out a check, $100,000. Wow. What year was that? That was like 82. Wow. I mean, that's like 400 grand right now.

Yeah, I saw that though, and I thought, oh my God, I'll never see that. I'll never see a check like that. This guy's on his way. Right. Where is he now? Nashville. Yeah. Is he doing well?

Is he still writing? I haven't seen him in a long time. I wonder. Shout out to Peter. Peter, let us know if you have seen this show. He writes you an angry letter. He says, you know what? I'm going to shoot in your big, fat mick head.

It's on the back of that check. That was McCann. Yeah. Are you a golfer or no? I golf, but I'm not a golfer. You should be because of how tall you are. You beat the shit out of the ball. You know, it's funny.

I hit the ball the least far out of every foursome I'm in. Really? Yeah. Because you're a big guy. Sometimes I'll hit a ball and I think, I crushed that. And then the next guy will get up, he's like 5'2", crushes it like 100 yards past my ball. Yeah. But I don't, I golfed for the first time yesterday in a year and a half.

Well, because I talked to Bertolina about, you did like a, didn't you do like a Callaway thing or something? Yeah. You did a golf thing. Yeah. So then when he said that, I was like, oh my God, does he, he also says hello.

But he, but I was like, oh really? I didn't know, I didn't know you, I didn't know you to be a golfer. Was it, were you golfing for them or something? No, it was a commercial for Callaway.

Oh, it was. Okay, okay. A web, during the pandemic, there was a web series, a web thing. But, but I've golfed since I was 15,

but I never got good. I'm not good at anything. I do a lot of got good. I'm not good at anything. I do a lot of stuff, but I'm not good at anything. Stand-up. Even still, yeah, you're right. You know, I'm not like selling off theaters. I'm okay. Yeah, no, you're a good stand-up. I remember when I saw Robin Williams for the first time.

It was at the Laugh Stop in Newport Beach. It's not there anymore. But I was kind of new to L.A., and I was checking out the scene, and I'd seen a lot of comics like Letterman and Leno. They were good. And then I see Robin Williams walking around, running around the room, pulling stuff out of women's purses and improvising

and he had the Shakespeare hat on. Whoa! All that energy. I thought, what am I doing? I'll never be that good. You know? I'll never. I felt that a million times.

Yeah. When you see someone, you're like, well, that's, I'm never, I'm not good. You say that with the comics in open mic night. I'll never be that good. You know, I'm never, I felt that a million times. Yeah. When you see someone, you're like, well, that's, I'm never, I'm not good. You say that with the comics and open mic night. I'll never be. I think I say that to the guys that are waiting to get up on the open mic night, the way they posture. I'm like, I can't, I'll never be that good. There used to be a supper club in Santa Monica, uh, called the horn and they had singers and comics. I remember is when I was starting out, I was doing a set there and I I finished, and I walked to the bar area, and it was all dark,

and this guy goes, he had a Mets cap on, an old-fashioned Mets cap, and it was dark, you could barely see him, he goes, hey, really good man,

stick with it, and I looked closer, it was George Carlin. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Oh,

thanks man, coming from you. Because stick with it, it's one of those things, it's one of those rude things, like when you meet someone, and they're like, oh,

you're a comic, you think you're funny? Yeah. Like, yeah man, I do. I do think I'm very fucking funny. Like, what, when you meet someone and they're like, oh, you're a comic? You think you're funny? Yeah. It's like, yeah, man, I do. I do think I'm very fucking funny. Like, what else do you, it's such a weird, lame insult when somebody goes, oh, you're a professional funny guy?

You're like, yeah, I'm making a living doing it. Obviously, something clicked right. Yeah. Carling, are you friends with Leno, by the way? You've mentioned him a few times. Yeah. You are? I know him, I've known him since, you know, I moved out here.

I used to see him, like, kill at the improv. I used to see everybody at the improv, like, Andy Kaufman, Robin Williams, you know, all those comics. Who impressed you the most? Well, Robin Williams and Andy Kaufman. Those two. Andy was that good. He was so different. I loved the uniqueness of it all.

Yeah. You know, like, my three favorite comics were Steve Martin, Andy Kaufman, and Albert Brooks. Yeah. You know, like my three favorite comics were Steve Martin, Andy Kaufman, and Albert Brooks. Yeah. And I'm friends with two of them now and I met Andy Kaufman, I talked to him once for like a half hour

in front of the improv and I asked him about TM because I knew he was into meditation. Uh-huh. Is that Transcendental Meditation? So he went on like a half hour

he was talking. I didn't listen to anything. I was just looking at his face, the moles on his face, and thinking, wow, that's Andy Kaufman's face. You weren't interested in the words at all? No, I just wanted to get him going and just hang with him. Just to watch him. Yeah.

Was he the same? What was he like offstage? Because the character is all I know. I didn't know him really personally offstage. I would just see him, and I knew people that wrote for him and dated him. Actually dated a girl that used to date him. But, you know, he was, I think he was, George Shapiro was his manager. He also manages Jerry Seinfeld, and I know George pretty well,

and we hang out a lot. So I don't really know what he was like, to answer your question, in person. But he seemed very kind of odd. Disturbed, maybe? Very quiet.

I don't know if disturbed is the word. But he's a very creative guy, obviously. And I've just started showing my son the Andy Kaufman tapes. Does he like them? He loves it. Yeah?

Oh, my God, yeah. How old is he? 14. 14. Does he like your stuff? It's funny Yeah? Oh, my God, yeah. How old is he? 14. 14. Does he like your stuff? It's funny. He watches a lot of Saturday Night Live on YouTube, like the current stuff. I said, you know, Daddy was on there.

You ever watch any of Daddy's stuff? And he goes, I'll watch it. I'll watch it. So I show it to him, and I can see his mind wandering. This is great, Dad, for you. That's good for you, Dad. That must have been funny back then. And then I'm watching it thinking,

this isn't as funny as I remembered it to be. But that's how I feel about it. Is anything stand-up-wise, does anything hold up of yours or someone else's that you can look back on from 25 years ago and go, God, that was just as funny then as it is now? I did two specials. Yeah.

And I look at them now, you know, and I think, I thought that was a lot stronger. Right. Maybe you believe, you talk yourself into it so you have the confidence when you go out there, this is good stuff. Sure. This is good stuff. This is the ASOS. Yeah.

But then, like, you know, 20 years later, you look at it and you go, hmm. But you're also, it's also a sign of the times. So it's so hard to capture. You see those jokes or you see old stuff that we used to love.

And then most of the time I go, that was just because of the time. It was just great because of what was going on. Yeah, but I see some sketches from SNL from back then that still hold up.

You know, like the Chris Farley chip and nails sketch. Yeah. A lot of sketches back then. Yeah, but I see some sketches from SNL from back then that still hold up, you know, like the Chris Farley chip and nails sketch. Yeah. A lot of sketches back then. Well, physical stuff usually does hold up. Yeah. I'm always going to laugh at Pratt stuff. Anything, there's a fall and a crash,

but it's hard to do. But even Sid Caesar, you know, that show, your show of shows, they have some funny stuff on there. Sure. Carol Burnett. Yeah, they had some great, clever stuff, but it doesn't hit me in the funny bone. Like, I don't laugh on there. Sure. Carol Burnett. Yeah, they had some great clever stuff, but it doesn't hit me in the funny bone.

Like, I don't laugh out loud. Yeah. But Monty Python was kind of physical and goofy big humor. Yeah, that's true. So anything that's physical to me, I am going to inherently like that more. I mean, that's why Jim was so good and his stuff kind of transcended just stand-up

is because it was so good and his stuff kind of transcended just stand-up is because it was so physical and weird and it was almost you were watching a cartoon come to life. It was very animated. Like, did you, did you have any relationship

with Jim or no? We were married for three years. Three years? Yeah, three years. And it turns out he was my soulmate. Your first wife? Yes.

And you met him at, and he was your soulmate? No, I've known him for a long time. We played basketball together at Gary Shandling's one time. I would see him at the improv. I remember him. I hadn't seen him for a while, and I saw him in front of the improv when the improv had an awning out front.

That's how I remember this, because he was standing under the awning, and he told me he was getting back into stand-up, doing impressions. Because I used to see him at the comedy store, and he'd do all those, you know, the James Dean, the rubbery face, and it was all the facial stuff, you know. Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood, yeah. Just always, you know.

But that's to the extent that I knew him. And the last time I saw him was at a party at Chelsea Handler's apartment. And he told me he had a beard. He told me he was getting into art. He's painting. He is, yeah. Doing sculpturing. And I go, why is that?

He goes, well, I like doing it. He goes, also, people won't remember you as an actor after you die 50 years. Nobody remembers. And it's true because millennials don't even know who Warren Beatty is. I guess, yeah. So he goes, so I think he said to me, if I remember correctly, that that's how he wants to be remembered. As an artist? Pieces of artwork will remember.

People will remember him from this. It's like a Monet or something, you know? Yeah. That's pretty valuable. I mean, you make great art. I've been painting too, yeah. Your stuff is great, man. Thank you.

It's actually really, really impressive. Also, to watch your process is kind of cool because you put on Instagram, people that you should look up, go to his Instagram and see. You'll show the image and then you'll show how you got to the image. Yeah, I'll show the evolution of it.

And I do digital art. It's digital painting. Yeah. And it's fun because, you know, you can play around with it and it's not as messy as oil, although I'm taking oil painting. Yeah. And it's fun because, you know, you can play around with it and it's not as messy as oil, although I'm taking oil painting classes now. See, I'm so bad at that.

I have no, I have zero physical artistic ability. It's almost shocking how bad I am at that. I've tried. Most people don't, I think. Yeah. But some people have, like, can get by. Yeah. Yeah.

You know where mine came from i think it was from having to draw maps in school where you had to copy the map but you couldn't trace it you had to look at it and draw the coastline you know and for some reason that sticks out of my head that's what you had to do in school yeah i've never heard of that really Really? Draw maps? Yeah. We had to draw a map of Europe or the United States. You know, Al Franken, who was a senator, can draw the United States, every state. Really? The physical outline? Yeah.

Of every state and put it all together, yeah. That's insane. And he'll do that at a fundraiser. He'll draw it and then he'll sign it for you. Really? Yeah. That's what he does? Yeah.

We never had to draw maps. I'm thinking about that. That obviously was something, well, because when you went to school, they were figuring out all the land, I guess. Well, there was the, yeah, it was the, a lot of treaties were going on back then, and the wars were ending. Spanish-American, you were around for that, weren't you? I was around for the Spanish-American, the Mexican-American, and the French-American Revolution. What happened with the French American Revolution? Those guys, we ended up being okay with them in the end, right?

We gave them Montreal. Right. We took it. Yeah. But Canada now has, are they just the watchdogs? Is that what it is? Yeah. Of that whole thing?

Yeah. One of my favorite, I want to tell you this, two things. One, I'm happy that you came. I really do appreciate it. It's my pleasure. you this um two things one i'm i'm happy to that you came i really do appreciate it and um um one of my favorite things that i kind of got involved knowing you and you knowing me was you used to do um stand-up nights at the laugh factory where you'd have to do new material only yeah and i like that because you were pretty judgmental of people that would bring old stuff because i talked to you one time i remember and you'd be like i really don't pretty judgmental of people that would bring old stuff. Because I talked to you one time, I remember, and you'd be like, I really don't appreciate it when people do.

I said that? Yeah, you did. I'm surprised I said that. You did. Actually, you know what? I wasn't that unappreciative. I wanted to give comics that opportunity to try some new material in their stand-up. But if they didn't try it in their seven-minute or ten-minute spot, you know, in the beginning, that's cool because then we sat down together.

And that's where we could maybe come up with new material. Right. I would do that with you. I came up with a few great things with you sitting in the chairs going back and forth. But I think what you were saying was I think it was my first time on the show, and you were imploring me to not do. Really? I think you were like, I think you were just giving me the gist of the whole thing. You were like, you know, I really like it when people try new stuff i love watching their new stuff you said

it in a way that was more pleasant than i'm presenting it wasn't like do it or i'll be pissed no but it was very much like you were and i don't know what new stuff is you know i don't know what people's acts that well you can feel it a little bit but if they get a big laugh it's usually not new stuff yeah you can always feel like when i would see your show and I'd go over there, you can always kind of feel when someone's just wrote a good new bit. Yeah. Because it works well, but not excellent.

It's like it works and people, you can feel them going, all right, right on, this is a good. You know who was great about that was Tony Rock. Yeah, I love Tony Rock. He would come in on his cell phone, he'd have a whole bunch of areas, and he'd try it. And they were usually pretty good.

He was like 70%. He'd wander through really good new bits. Yeah. Tony, my favorite story with Tony Rock, Tony was in Chicago at a layover at O'Hare, and he sees a redheaded guy by you know by the Sbarro and he said he got he's like he picks up his bag and he goes Santino and the guy doesn't turn around and he goes Santino and he said it doesn't turn around and then he goes up to him and Tony tells

me a story he pushes the guy on the shoulder like hard and he goes he goes he goes motherfucker you ignoring me and the guy turned around he He's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know you, but I'm not ignoring you at all. He was like, oh, no, I thought you were this other dude. And the guy was so nervous and kind of like flustered by it. In Tony's words, he's like, this motherfucker turned as red as his hair, man. You should have seen this dude's face.

Tony should have turned red. He goes, I was for sure it was you. No, but he goes. All redheads look alike, don't they? We do for the most part. Yeah. Yeah, for the most part. I mean, I look, I'm just Bill Burr, a miniature version of Bill.

I have a friend who has red hair. I haven't seen him in a while, but he said that he always gets embarrassed when another person with red hair comes in the room, he has to leave. Right. There can only be one of us. I don't like it. I don't like seeing other redheads because I don't like them. Gingers.

Yeah, gingers. When I see another one, I'm like, ugh, I don't want to be in any of them. And always, always, no matter who you're with, if another redhead enters the room, someone you're with will go, hmm? You guys know each other? Right. Like, it's a thing. It's the weirdest.

Yeah, I get that. Whenever, sometimes I'll grow a goatee. Yeah. And I'll just come in, like, after a week or two, I'll have a nice goatee, and then someone will come in the room with a goatee, and I'm like, okay, that's it. Mine's coming off. I've got to take it off.

Yeah. You're not, I've never seen you with facial hair, by the way. Occasionally I'll do it. I notice a lot of guys my age start growing, like, a goatee because it covers the jowls that are starting to sag a little bit, you know? Ah. But then you get the white beard. Yeah, but the white beard's cool, man. Yeah, I guess.

I think that's cool. My dad grows it out every Christmas. He does, like, a big big Santa beard and I like it. Oh, the whole beard. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what? There was that phase like Letterman had the big beard.

Oh, I love it. And then Conan, remember that period of time after a show? Well, that was trauma. I think that was trauma growth. He forgot where his shaver was. He just would wake up and go and go do it. And his show was great. I'm sad that that's gone.

I mean, on to the next thing. Yeah. So, uh, his show was great. I'm sad that that's gone. No, I mean onto the next thing. Um, so look, I appreciate you coming. I really do. It means a lot to me. I'm a big fan of you as a human, as a comedian.

Um, if you're looking to go see, uh, Kevin on the road, go to website is Kevin Nealon.com. Kevin Nealon.com. You can see all the dates. I love that.

See, I got Andrew Santino.com early yeah because I hate when a comic has one that's like you know the real andrewsantino.com

yeah you mean there's fake ones out there yeah no this is the one the official kevineeland.com to go see him on tour

a hilarious comedian you have to see if you have a good name for my tour just DM me yeah please could you please name his tour

and I need it too, but I'll just use whatever you use. It'll be called Not Kevin Nealon's Tour. Come see Andrew Santino live. Yeah. We end the show the same way with one word or one phrase. I want you to look into that camera right there. I'm going to

walk off and you're going to say one word or one phrase that's going to end the episode. So make it count. Curious. In here, we to walk off and you're going to say one word or one phrase that's going to end the episode. So make it count. Okay. Curious. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.