Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Lil Dicky

Episode Date: February 28, 2020

Santino sits down with Lil Dicky (Dave Burd) to chat about pooping in public, back acne (backne) and his secret love of Kid Rock along with plugging their new show on FXX and Hulu March 4th called "Dave" TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com/ FEB 28 DETROIT, MICHIGAN FEB 29 ATLANTA, GEORGIA MAR 6-7 PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA MAR 13 CHICAGO, ILLINOIS MAR 19-21 - MOHEGAN SUN, CONNECTICUT MAR 27 CINCINNATI, OHIO MAR 28 CLEVELAND, OHIO APR 10 PORTLAND, OREGON APR 11 SEATTLE, WASHINGTON APR 16-18 MIAMI, FLORIDA APR 19 WEST PALM, FLORIDA APR 24-25 - SPOKANE, WASHINGTON MAY 9 PHOENIX, ARIZONA JUN 5-7 SAN DIEGO, CA JOIN OUR PATREON!!! : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast BUY SOME MERCH: https://shop-andrew-santino.myshopify.com FOLLOW CHEETO: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ FOLLOW CHEETO TWITTER: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino FOLLOW LIL D ON INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/lildickygram/?hl=en FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER ON TWITTER: https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS OR WE’LL COME FIND YOU AND KILL YOU...FOR REAL Create an amazing website using simple templates with Squarespace Go to https://www.squarespace.com and enter promo code WHISKEY for %10 off!!! Drink Buffalo Trace because its the only bourbon with balls. The best sauce since 1773 made in Franklin county, KY and fiercely independent. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, welcome. Thank you so much. Please subscribe down here or down there. I don't know which way it is. Please go and rate us. Give us five stars. Leave a nice comment. Do all that good stuff. Let us know what you like about the show. We appreciate it. You spreading the Whiskey Ginger word around town. If you want to know where I am around your town, go to andrewsantino.com for tour dates. Right now, I'm in Detroit, Michigan. Tomorrow night, I'm in Atlanta, Georgia. Then next week, I'm in Philly, which is the hometown of our very special guest,

Lil Dicky. Then after that, I go to Chicago. Then I go to Connecticut. Then I go to Cincinnati and Cleveland. Of course, I end that month next month with the Skank Fest in Houston with all those wild, out-of-control people. Of course, the rest of the dates

are up at andrewsantino.com. I'm going to be going to Miami and Seattle and Portland, and we're adding dates like Houston and Dallas. We're all over the place, but go to andrewsantino.com for all the dates. That's where our Patreon link is as well. For Patreon, it's one-on-one stuff with me. It's also live Q&A and solo episodes, so it's a whole separate chunk of stuff, plus discounts and cool codes that you can get into, including our incredible merch page, which is up there right now. Again, go to andresantino.com for all that fun information. But for now, I'm going to get out of your way. Enjoy the episode. Whiskey Ginger fans, if you're looking to promote an idea,

to create a small business, to do whatever you need to do online, Squarespace is the way to go. You need help creating a website like most of us. We don't know what we're doing when we jump on there. Squarespace is incredible. They have beautiful, high class, high end templates that you can choose from. You can create your own from scratch. It's got extremely powerful functionality, very user friendly. They're incredible. And everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box, which is convenient because everybody is on these things anyway. You can make it yourself. You can do it yourself. You can create it yourself, or you can use help that they give you, which I think is incredible because I'm not good at that stuff.

So you can blog, publish, you can promote shows, you can announce upcoming events, birthdays, whatever you need, really. Squarespace is the spot to do it. It's incredible. It really is so easy to use. And I highly, highly, highly recommend using Squarespace of all the other website creators that are out there. They seem to be the most user-friendly that has great customer service. And they're awesome with one-on-one stuff so they can help you out, get your business, get your website, get whatever you need online, started and off the ground. Do yourself a favor. Head, go to squarespace.com slash whiskey. That's squarespace.com slash whiskey for a free trial.

When you're ready to launch your page, use the offer code whiskey, like we always do, for 10% off your first purchase of a website and or domain. Once again, squarespace.com. Create that website. Use the code whiskey. Get yourself 10% off. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey,. Use the code whiskey. Get yourself 10 percent off in here. We pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger

beard. Sturdy ginger like vampires. The ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy five dollars for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. Very sincerely, it is Dave Bird, a.k.a. Lil Dicky, a.k.a. the Philly Phenom.

Yeah. The Juicy Jew. All those. The Ketamine King. No, you don't use drugs. Say no to drugs. Yeah, don't have them. Dude, I love you. Yeah. The Juicy Jew. All those. The Ketamine King. No, you don't use drugs. Say no to drugs. Yeah, I haven't tried. Dude, I love you. Thank you so much for coming.

Cheers to you. Cheers. And the eyes. Yeah. Remember? And the eyes. It's good luck, or it's bad luck otherwise, actually. Do you know why that is?

No. Tradition? Because if you're not looking someone in the eyes when you cheers, it means you might have done something to the drink. Oh. It's a level of dishonesty. It's logical. It's like crossing the finger behind your back interesting that's amazing but this

is high-end whiskey very good whiskey right i only get i would only brought out the good jazz you know i'd never even had whiskey like i didn't know what like if i even liked whiskey until about six months ago like i never had a night where like i drank whiskey and i did one night like a saturday night it was the time of my life. But then the next day I was incredibly hungover. When we went out, what do you usually have when we go out? I don't have like a go-to, like when I'm at a bar. I feel like it's pathetic that every time I order a drink at a bar, I still have to sit there and think. Every time I sit there and think.

What did you do when we were in Vegas? What did you have when we were in Vegas? Probably like a tequila soda lime or something. I don't even like it. I don't like any of it. If it was me, up to me I'd get get like, what's the, a hot toddy. You know, everywhere I go. You could get a hot toddy?

No, you can't. Why not? Assuming hot water is always accessible. That's at any bar they have a hot water thing. I've gotten looks. Okay, what about this? This is incredible. So just ask for high end.

I'll give you a list of high end bourbons and whiskeys that you can ask for, that you just ask for one or two cubes in there. What about the hangover? You have to drink a water every two or three of these. I say chug a water for every two of these. How much does this thing cost? The booze inside of it? The whole bottle.

When that's full? Yeah. It's like a $150 bottle of booze. Okay. It's reasonable. Yeah, it's not like 10 grand. No. No, my God.

Do you think we're drinking 10 grand shit? I thought it was possible. I thought it was possible. How about this? You said it was high end. It is very high end. I said reasonable. I don't think anything is 10 grand.

People at home are like, that's not fucking high end. Yeah. No, there is shit like that. That's absurd. But the difference is it probably costs a reasonable amount for high end whiskey, but the resale value is for the roof because not a lot of people can get their hands on it. Sure. I'll tell you all about it afterwards.

Yeah. It's sneaky, sneaky stuff. Sometimes I get some sneaky, sneaky stuff, you know? I'm open-minded to hearing all that. I know you're very open-minded. You kiss me on the lips multiple times. Yeah, that's cool. This is the thing that I want to tell people about you and our relationship.

I introduce you as Dave Bird, of course, because Dave is how I know you. Lil Dicky is how people know you yeah uh to a degree we're doing a television show that's coming out in literally one week in one week yeah and uh and it's called dave it's called dave yeah not little dicky no not little dicky you were actually gonna make it dave comma not little dicky when you initially yeah cluttery too much right clunky too clunky. Too clunky? Yeah. Too many words? Yeah. No, I just, I don't know.

Like, you know, obviously I have great pride in being Lil Dicky and being a rapper. Like, I really, it's the best thing I've ever done in my life. But when people come up to me on the street and they go like, yo, Dicky, like, I don't even like relate to that name. Like, it's not. Well, it's not who you are. No, like, I feel like it's, you know, so I'm just like excited for the day where people call me dave when they see me now they're gonna call you dave i hope so i mean marketing would have it as so well the billboard is great if people haven't

seen the billboard uh it's a strong billboard it's dave popping out of his own underwear yeah it's my real legs too they did photo i think there's a little bit of there's some photoshop let's not i've seen your legs i like your legs but those are a little bit photoshopped and your happy trail is photoshopped yeah that's true my but the the strength you see in my core in the picture is i think that's all you think it's accurate those fuck gutters are you yeah you have those huh you got those fuck gutters yeah i have but only because of genetics like i don't deserve a thin frame for someone who doesn't you don't work out yeah i don't i don't really work i mean i i could but honestly i have so much body acne that it's just like what's the point but you have bacne not body i should see i mean the stomach is

it's becoming i'm starting to get stomach acne what i know i never it's ridiculous when we we shot a couple of scenes in the show where we would have our clothes off together yeah i'm not going to divulge any more than that because you got to see the fucking show yeah by the way it comes out a week from today i didn't even say it comes out on fxx on hulu and uh there's another platform but whatever look at the fuck up just if you can't find it you're numb you're gonna love it you're gonna love it i promise me too um and essentially we did a couple of scenes together where we would get we had less clothes on you had a lot of less clothes scenes which is you did right you got a lot of nude scenes yeah oddly enough you put for someone who's self-conscious about their their body acne you put yourself in yeah i wanted to show the body

acne honestly i feel like it's uh liberating in a sense like honestly i've been hiding it from women for years or like we're like it was on my back like if you know i was hooking up with a girl like when i go to the bathroom like i'd i kind of walk out the door like with my bad be like all right i'll see you in a second and like i just flip around real quick when I get to the door. So they don't, you know what I mean? But wouldn't they feel it when they hug your back? Not really. Do you make sure they don't touch your back?

I don't make sure, but yeah, I'll fidget if it's, you know. So this is the thing I know about Dave. This is the thing I know about our friendship that makes me laugh. Is you, you're very honest with me always. Yeah. And you've told me oftentimes how you've navigated your sexual life. The first night we had dinner together, we spent like two,

three hours in Santa Monica talking about the navigation of sexual, of your sexual life and how you have to have certain lighting. Yeah. Always. Yeah. You have to, you make sure that when your penis is available for touching, whatever,

sucking, fucking, that it's in the perfect light and timing, right? Yeah, fairly represented penis. Yeah, you prep the dick for its big game. Yeah, I'll shave it. Because I'm the kind of guy who's got hair growing all the way up his shaft, full shaft hair. You don't shave on your penis. I shave my actual whole dick.

Come on. I swear to God. With what? A razor? Well, actually. Use a buzzer, right? But specifically, it's called the Manscaper.

It's designed for lawnmower. They're one of the sponsors of this show. Really? Yeah, I swear to God. Well, I use something that's designed to shave your dick. The Manscaper makes a thing

called the lawnmower. That's exactly what it is. It's perfect on your penis. And if I didn't shave my dick, my dick would have like a beard like ours this would be your dick yeah brown hair or black hair man you have a black hair on your dick i don't know it's shaved so seriously though not just your nutsack it's on it's on your penis like literally all the way up my dick why would that be because my dick's made of the wrong skin i think my dick is made of my balls right um so i'm serious so i think like, because you know how your balls have hair.

Yeah. So if your dick is made of that material, then it wouldn't in turn have hair. That's my, I haven't, you know. That's your theory. I'm not a scientist, but that's my working theory. People need to watch the show because if you watch the show, you'll figure out all this shit. You'll understand why there's a lot more content. Yeah, it'll come out.

But I've never, you never told me that though. I don't think you told me there was hair all the way up. I mean, I could, there's a few things that I could still. Because I've seen, I saw your dick, but I don't think, well, you can't see hair way up i mean i could there's a few things that i could still because i've seen i saw your dick but i don't think well you can't see hair you can't see it from no it's a straight level i shave it it's got to be up close yeah do you ever get razor burn i mean sometimes i'll nick it there was one time where uh i was on tour yeah and it was in florida and i had like hooked up with a girl, this one girl in Florida, like, the year prior. And, like, I hit her and said, like, hey, like, I'm going to be there.

And she was like, great. Like, we'll hang out. So, like, it was kind of in the air that sex was going to occur. Yeah, you knew it. To the point where, like, I shaved that morning. But I nicked my dick. And. Oh, my God.

But it was nicked right around like where the shaft meets the. The nuts. The, the, not the nuts, like the, like the pubiscus area, like the pouch of fat on your body. It was like. Oh. So then I thought like, would a condom cover this neck? And then I got a boner, put the condom on.

Sure enough, it didn't. And. What'd you do to get a test boner? What did you do? Did you watch some porn? Oh, I probably just thought about things for a few seconds. Can you get hard from just thinking about stuff? Oh my God. I, you know, guys that don't, that are unable to get a boner, I probably just thought about things for a few seconds. Can you get hard from just thinking about stuff? Oh, my God.

Guys that are unable to get a boner, I can't even understand. I'm hard if a girl even is holding my hand. I have a boner. What? Yeah. It's always a boner with a woman. What's your quickest way to make it go away? If you're getting a hard... Come.

Just come. But, I mean, you're walking around. You're hanging out. She holds your hand. You're walking down the street. You're going to a restaurant. I think about like death. Yeah.

Who specifically? I actually think a lot about like Babe Ruth. Yeah, the baseball player. Yeah. And like his legacy. Yeah. And just those kind of thoughts. Like old classic teams.

Yeah. Who? We're talking like... Just the old... Just like 96 Bulls. Oh, 96 Bulls. Yeah. Yeah. Just like I think about like 96 Bulls. Oh, 96 Bulls. Yeah. Just like I think about like the lineups.

Horace Grant. Do you go to Horace Grant? I'll envision like my grandmother who's dead. Like I'll think about the fact that she is dead. Those kind of thoughts. Was she in a casket? Or did she get cremated? Casket.

But you never saw it, right? Jews don't do that. I love that. I've always said that. I really respect Jews for that. They don't get cremated? No, no, no. Jews don't do open caskets. You never really see inside the cas it, right? Jews don't do that. I love that. I've always said that. I really respect Jews for that. They're cremated? No, no, no. Jews don't do open caskets.

You never really see inside the casket, right? From what I know, Jewish funerals, they don't. I don't know. I think I believe I had eyes on my grandfather. Bad Jews. Bad Jews. I bet we are bad Jews. You are a bad Jew.

I bet I am a bad Jew. You know, one time, I'm such a bad jew that so the last day of hebrew school yeah you know i go in there for five years and it's like literally like i'm like 13 years old i had just gotten bar mitzvahed it's like the last day yeah it's senioritis it's times a million everybody's horsing around yeah all i'm doing is being a little extra chatty and my teacher kicked me out of class i was doing nothing i was literally just talking with my friends like and he he kicked me out and my friend joey out and i thought it was very i was just so i was rubbed the wrong way yeah so i went to the bathroom and i shit on the floor you in the bathroom of the so you're polite enough to go to the bathroom but you shit on the floor. In the bathroom. So you're polite enough to go to the bathroom, but you shit on the floor.

In the bathroom, on the floor. Even in a stall or just in a regular? It was in a stall. It was so close. I mean, that to me is the biggest statement. I'm right there, but I'm still making this choice. It's kind of a fucker. Clearly it wasn't an emergency because I'm there.

Yeah. But it's in the stall still. And I kicked in a window screen what? that's probably the worst thing I've ever done in terms of like bad behavior that is bad boy that's bad boy tendencies why would they kick you in the last day of school?

so pussy maybe he was just trying to teach you a lesson well if he was isn't he for school all lessons? I went out and shat on the floor and committed like not arson but whatever you do when you... Arson's fire. Yeah, well, destruction of property.

But you pooped in the stall. Pooping in the common area, to me, would make more sense. Yeah, too many Jews walking around out there. See, yeah, you're still respectful. Pooping in the stall is almost like giving someone the ring finger, middle finger. Like, it's a fake out it looks like the middle like hey fuck you but it's i know what this is even you tell it i still thought it was real but this is my point this is pooping in the stall yeah this is pooping in the common area yeah that's the stall common

area was you know i mean not even a possibility i did a lot of bad boy stuff too so what's the worst thing you've ever done in that kind of regard as a little boy yeah or yeah yeah as i did a lot of bad boy stupid bad boy i got kicked you know i had this running nickname on the podcast people know this slugger santino's because i got kicked out of like two different schools for fighting when i was a kid when i was a young kid too not like a fucking not like middle school why were you fighting people would make fun of me because i was a redheaded person so i just got very annoyed and angry i guess that's the thing that redheaded people might go through as children they get me out and they get mocked yeah so i

would just i had I had zero tolerance. Yeah, you were swinging. I just hit as hard as I could. Yeah. I would hit you as hard as I could. Yeah. And most times I would not just win, it would, it was very bad. I would be scared.

I mean, I've never gotten in a fight. I imagine I'm a horrible fighter. But I think I would, you know, if I was in a confrontation and you were there, I'd feel like better about my life. You'd feel more comfortable? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, I have a thing inside of me that I try to hide as an adult, but as a kid, couldn't get rid of it.

Oh, yeah. The rage. I just didn't like people talking bad about me. Yeah. So I would hit him as hard as I fucking could. Yeah. But yeah. But the worst thing I did was probably, I mean, amongst a million things of like, not like fighting, but like bad boy stuff was like, I think I've told this story, but there was a British girl, Lisa, who came, a brand new British girl who was very pretty and she came to our school.

A brand new British girl. Brand new British girl. Yeah. Like we just ordered her. Fresh out of the package. Yeah. Hello. Yeah.

And then we made fun of her on the bus incessantly because we all had a crush on her. All the boys had a crush on her. Yeah. So we'd pick on her. Did she have a British accent? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's incredible.

She was amazing. But we'd pick on her because we were crushing on her. Yeah. You know? Negging. Negging. We were negging. Yeah.

And so we would mock her, and then we got pulled to the front of the bus. We had to sit in the front of the bus. And the bus driver hated me and these two idiots that I was friends with. And so we had to sit in the front. So we used this as an opportunity to write stuff on loose leaf paper and hold it up for the back of the bus to see. Smart. Stuff like Lisa, you know, like...

Lisa, suck my cock. Yeah, Lisa eats my dick. Lisa ate my dick this morning. It was always like... It was British puns, too. Because some were pretty clever for how young we were. One time...

It was like, Lisa, munch my crumpet, you know, stuff like that. I was such a little asshole. Like, I would do anything for a laugh as a kid. Same. Like, just, I remember one time, this isn't even a good example, but just British. A teacher, like, wrote the word chalk on the board. Yeah. And she spelled it C-H-A-U-L-K.

And I, first off, in this class, like, this is one,k and i first off in this class like this is what like it was a teacher who like i feel like it was easy to take advantage of and i did it i mean it's really a shame yeah i did that shit all the time um like i would like i'd go like this i'd go like this you know and then she'd call on me this is you raising your hand this way and i'd go what i'm not i'm not raising like who raises their hand i'm not raising my hand i'm just like stretching like i do stuff like that go i'd go to the pencil sharpener and like sharpen it for So what? I'm not raising my hand. I'm not raising my hand. I'm just like stretching. I'm like, I do stuff. I go to the pencil sharpener and like sharpen it for like 90 seconds.

Oh, I used to do this. I used to love shit like that. But people that don't know, that was old for young kids that don't understand. There used to be a pencil sharpener at the front of a room in a classroom. There's no way that's around anymore. There's no way that exists anymore. Because of the mechanical pencil? Yeah.

Fucking nobody uses regular old pencils anymore. I guess you're right. Oh my God. I love the turnstile one. The crank felt so good. Well, you cranked it. It didn't feel as good as the insert. Yeah, but the insert was usually on a teacher's desk. If you had a cool teacher, they'd let you use that.

It would always fuck it up a little bit, though. You had so much more control on a wall shaving pencil shaver because you could really kind of balance the weight of how you did it. You could mold your own tip. You mold your own, yeah, you shape your own tip. But with the, when you inserted it. Oftentimes it'll go further than you need to just because of the pressure. Way too far.

Yeah. Yeah, I kind of want to get one of those right now. And just stick pencils in it all fucking day long. I haven't had to do math in like, doing, I mean, why are they even teaching math? What do you think we should be teaching instead of math? Like proper, like sex ed. Sex ed. Real sex ed.

Yeah. Like proper, like that, like how to like, you know, fuck right. What's the, what's the one thing you'd want to learn if you could have gone back and learned not knowing what you know now, if you could have been like, oh, I'm teaching sex ed. This is the one thing I want to tell kids that they don't know or a few things what are what are some of the things that you're like man we never learned this uh how to make a girl come i would say it should be taught in school that'd be incredible i mean that i mean that wholeheartedly as a youth you have no idea what it's you don't think girls come you don't

know girls come when you're a young boy you don don't understand it. You think sex has come. This is a little – it's not off topic, but I'm just piggybacking that last comment. Give it to me. I found that sometimes I'll hook up with a girl and I've got a best friend, Benny. You've met Benny. I know. I love Benny. And he'll be like, did you come? And then I feel like more often than not, I'll say, I didn't have clarity.

Yeah. Because – It's vague. More often than not, I'll say, I didn't have clarity. Yeah. Because. It's vague. There are, I mean, there are, there are, because there are so many times where like a girl will sound like she just came, you know, it'd be ramp up, ramp up, ramp up, like moaning. It's a big production. And I'll be like, did you, I'll say, did you come? And she'll say, oh no.

And then I'll be so confused. And there'll be times where I don't hear any of that. And I'll say, did you come? And they'll say, oh my God, three times. You didn't, you didn't know. Yeah. I just have no clarity ever. Right.

That's what I mean, the vagueness. And I'm too sexually insecure to like, you know, when I, I don't know, sometimes. Do you go down? I went four years without going down. By throat cancer awareness? The fear? Yeah, just, yeah, just, I don't know. I didn't, I just, and then, and then like, then I did it for the first time in four years, and then I did it like six times that month.

You had a blast. Yeah, just a month of oral sex. Yeah. I was going to say for that month, your beard did smell. Yeah. That was like a really bad. It's a little, I don't know. You don't like it.

I like pleasing a woman yeah do I like I wish there were there like that there were other ways to please them that didn't

just because it's like it's I don't have the right jaw yeah you think I just have like a jaw issue and it's like I just don't have the right jaw and like

I don't have the tongue that like rapidly flicks like I yeah like my tongue I can't do that can't do that so then I'm just like kind of moving my head around at a rapid rate you're kind of freaking out yeah and

then i feel like if you're having a seizure i feel crazy but like i don't know it depends it really depends like that month i was enjoying it every step of the way you did you did i enjoyed it yeah what did you take a break from uh why'd you stop neck pain and it does it does hurt the neck at some point you're over it and i don't even and then i also don't even love like getting head like i like getting hand jobs more than head yeah you've told me this and it pisses me off every time we talk about it different i can't fucking believe you do why nobody likes a hand job more than a blow job there's no way i like it infinitely more but they have to have what do you have to have lotion or something nearby lube is great you

know i mean i have lube nearby. But just sitting around? Yeah. What if you're hooking up in a random space? What are you going to do? I have it. You got to plant it everywhere? I have it planted. You have a lube plant in every room in your house?

I have where a woman would be. I have lube in the downstairs living room. There's like a little bottle. You had one in the TV room down there? Yeah. You do down there? And it's like in the couch. No one will ever look there.

But it's not in a drawer. What about in the front room? What do you have in the front living room? That's what I'm speaking of. Not the downstairs TV room. I never bring a girl in. That downstairs is the boys' room. I was just going to say that's our space.

I have two separate bedrooms where it's wedged. But wait, what was that? We were just talking about lube. Oh, you know my ideal way to cum, which I've never actually experienced via a girl because it's too ridiculous. I just do it myself. And we should talk about the Oculus because I've been spending an insane insane so much virtual space yeah uh but my ideal way to come is i have a boner and i i take it and i just kind of slightly bend it up you bend it up a little bit like that and i just wait to come i just sit there and i wait what and i'll come the most i can come

so i just really like want to be comfortable for the girl to ask her to do that because it's such an insane request to say, hey, take your two fingers and just kind of just adjust my dick a little. Straighten it out a little bit, really. From like 70 to 86 degrees. And I'll just sit and think and I'll – tremendous orgasm. What? Yeah. Do you still shoot a good shot? No.

Normally I ooze. Oh, you got to drip. You got to drool. But when it's bent up like that – You get a good shot. I might shoot. Wow. Yeah.

You want a woman to just be able to pull it up. That's really what it is? Mm-hmm. Tell us about the Oculus. Explain to people what it is if people don't know. It's the virtual reality helmet thing. Yeah. It's like VR. Yeah always i always imagined vr porn yeah and i thought this should be everything and then i just i don't know i'm actually shocked like you don't have an oculus do you no like i feel like guys know about but they don't like it has changed everything go on

i haven't i got an oculus about eight weeks ago and i have not jerked off in like the two dimensional space since. Because that's old school now. It's just literally because they shoot it. It's not like just like, oh, you see the normal porn, but they kind of 3D it. It's like you're watching porn that's shot from a POV perspective. Like I go like this and I look at like the closet right next to me and I'll look back and I'll see like the girl's tits with like the weight.

Like I'll see like the shape of the tits like and it's yeah it's it's incredible that is wild but there is one day there's two downsides one it's like you know i jerk off after uh i like wash and like shower and everything too i don't jerk off before the last thing i do before i go to bed is jerk off and with the oculus it's like I don't like doing it. It's in my face after I wash my face. I just feel like it's not necessarily the best thing for my skin. One. It covers just your eyes, right? No, it's like pressing my greasy hair against my forehead.

Two, you know the shame you feel? When you come watching porn and you're done. It's shame. And then it's just like, ugh. feel bad there's it's times a million when you have to remove this helmet and then you're back in like the real world and you're like it's like you're you're there and then you take it off and like you're like in your shitty room yeah it's gross and you're just like fuck you just like escaped like the matrix it's like do you think it'd be better if if you if you lived in a palatial estate?

It'd be better. Yeah, it would. My room is just very... Your house is so nice. I know. I like my room, but... I know what you're saying. It puts you in check.

It really is. It puts you in check. It puts you in jarring exit. You know what does that for me? What? Sometimes I play with my butthole when I jerk off. No, you don't. Yeah, I swear to God.

I've talked about it on stage before. I just tickle it a little bit. So you jerk off standing up? No, I lay down God. I've talked about it on stage before. I just tickle it a little bit. So you jerk off standing up? No, I lay down, but I spread the legs and tuck it around. I spread my legs and I pull it around here and I play with it. Oh, your hand. Yeah, I play with the tush. Yeah.

You put your finger in? Don't put it in. I just tickle the tush. Interesting. Yeah. It's a hole. If you press your thumb on your anus and you massage and you massage it a little bit interesting very good very very good surprisingly so so a girl no penetration i don't

want anything in it but i tickle tickle tickle and i gotta tell you when you come after that the cum is great the shot is amazing yeah because there's more there's the prostate yeah actually some people say you can come way harder if you put a finger in your ass. But after I'm tickling and I'm playing, you want to talk about feeling bad. I feel bad. Yeah. Yeah, I walk with my pants around my ankles. Yeah. Balancing it on the jizz on my chest.

And the shit on my finger. And I got two dirty hands. Yeah, exactly. I have two dirty hands now. Yeah, the two dirty hands is crazy. That's my problem. Yeah, that sucks. What was the Oculus cost?

How much? I got mine for free, but I think it's like 600. I mean, it's worth it. $600, I think. Did they reach out to you, Oculus? No. Benny got it for me somehow. Benny would get it.

Yeah. If you don't know Benny Blanco, he's one of the greatest fucking music producers on the history of this planet. Yeah. Period. Benny is a magical unicorn of a person who showed up to set a few times. Yeah, he's in the show. But he showed up when he wasn't in the show to kick it.

Yeah. And his girlfriend? Friend? Girlfriend? Girlfriend. I don't know. His girlfriend? Yeah.

Gorgeous, cool, dope, awesome. Yeah, Elsie. Would be, right? When you know a guy like Benny? Yeah. He's an enigma. Great man. He's like you

if you got compressed a little bit. Compressed and like kind of like put in a machine that makes you look like Andre the Giant but combined with Joe Pesci. Yeah, he's thick.

He's like mutilated. But in a good way. Yeah, he's honestly so ugly that he's hot. Yeah, I went back all the way back around. Yeah, he shot out the other side hot. Do you think you're hot? I think I'm cute. Yeah.

And I think my success is hot enough to make me switch from cute to hot. So I guess I think now I might be hot, but really I deep down know that I'm disgust, like hideous, because I know I'm still like— You mean the things that you do or the way that you look? No, physically. The way that you look. Yeah, physically I know I'm hideous. Why do you say that? Just like the amount of grease.

Yeah. You're a greasy guy. Grease, the nose, the body acne. What's wrong with your nose? Just like it's like, it's just a Jewish nose. Nothing's wrong with it. It's just- Look that way.

It looks, it's normal. I don't think that's, I don't think it's- It's nothing to complain about. No. It's not enough to complain about. It's really the body acne and the dick made of the wrong skin. But outside of that, you're fine. I'm fine cool don't you think everyone has those things i hooked up with a girl in college one time that when she this is a weird realization that people don't think i'm gonna have orange hair all over my body that's foolish but they just don't think

about it yeah but i don't have a lot of hair on my chest. You're hairless. Yeah, none on my back. But my legs and my beef and my scrum, very hairy. My scrum is so hairy, I have to trim down that. You have pubic hair like a bush? Well, no. Tons unless I trim. It grows so fast. It's unbelievable. I'm not kidding.

Every other week I have to. Because it's too much. I shave mine all the way. No, I can't do that. It looks like a baby bald eagle. I can't do that. I need it. To give yourself some girth?

Just like, it looks, yeah. I did, so a girl in college saw, I had thick pubes at the time and she literally said, ew,

they're orange? It broke my heart. It like broke my heart into a million pieces. Yeah. So I knocked her out. Right. That's cool.

You don't have, what else am I supposed to do? I'm not going to let her talk that way to me. Slugger Santino doesn't a million pieces. Yeah. So I knocked her out. Right. That's cool. You don't have, what else am I supposed to do? I'm not going to let her talk that way to me. Slugger Santino doesn't take that shit. No. But I didn't have my fist with my elbow. I didn't want to go to prison, you know?

Yeah. Elbow can seem like an accident. Yeah. I didn't do anything to her. I cried. I did. I cried in the car. Really?

Yeah. A hundred percent. Hurt my felons, bro. Hurt my felons. Yeah. That hurt my felons a lot. I don't like being.

What's the worst heartbreak you ever had? Heartbreak? Yeah. My high school sweetheart. Is she listening? What's her name? I don't know how to say her name. What's her name?

Give her a name. Corey. Corey? Corey. Shout out to Corey. Yeah, the girl's name. What did she do to you? Did she cheat on you?

Well, no, she didn't cheat on me, but we dated long distance. So dated her senior year of high school. Went to two separate colleges. Stayed together all- Through college? Freshman year. Wow. Yeah.

That's all that. I endured the whole year. And then with two weeks left until I was about to finally be back. And she also went to school in Canada. So she didn't have- Toronto? No. Ottawa. with two weeks left until it was like about to like finally be back. And she also went to school in, in Canada. So she didn't have a Toronto. Uh, no,

Ottawa, Montreal. Anyways, the, the fucking holidays don't even line up. Right. You know what I mean? You couldn't even do the holiday. Barely saw her.

And I finally was like getting the point where like this, it was like, I'm finally made it through the year. It's the summer. I can't wait to see you and be with you. And she broke up with me with like two weeks left of school and then started dating another guy for like right after. A guy you know?

No. Okay. But she did date the guy for two years. So like what, you know. That's justifiable. Yeah. Dude, I always say though, if they date, I always say to the old bag, you know, my lady, I always say to her, if you leave me, but if you end up dating someone I know, I'll

fucking kill both of you. You think you'd kill? I'd kill. I would murder. I'd go out and murder. I'd end up dating someone I know, I'll fucking kill both of you. You think you'd kill? I would murder. I'd go out and murder. I'd end up in prison for the rest of my life. Someone I fucking know of all the humans on Earth. You think you'd kill? 100%.

I don't even skip a beat with that. That's crazy. If it's someone I know. Yeah. If it's any other man that you leave me for, fine. That's how the world works. You just beat him. That's just how the world works.

No, you lose. You lost. It's fine. You got to lose a couple of games. But if you date someone I know, fucking grounds for murder. Because that means that you knew before. Yeah. You didn't tell me or you maybe did something about it.

You can't fuck somebody I know. Dude, I know a guy in college. I'm not going to mention him. He used to fuck people's ex-girlfriends because he thought that was hot. Really? Yeah. He was turned on by the... By the idea that he's like getting one up on somebody.

Probably. Awful. Deep-rooted insecurity with that guy. But it worked for him because he was able to like scoop them up when they fell down, you know? Yeah. He was like this weird superhero that he would be like a savior. Yeah. For like someone's breakup.

Yeah. I didn't like it. The rebound. But he's... Yeah, he was Dennis fucking Rodman. He was the king of that shit he was the king yeah do you remember the first time you got drunk uh my the thing that pops into my head was after prom so i never drank a lot my parents were so strict yeah like i had to

at every time i went out friday or saturday i had to come in at like 1130 had to be before midnight yeah it was like an early curfew I had to go up to their room wake them up this is their this is what they wanted wake them up blow into

my dad's nose and if my if it smelled like mint I'm grounded gum yeah I'm grounded because he knows

that you're trying to cover something up so that was the so I was just like and honestly I was so scared About doing it socially I actually like

Deep down liked it They were strict Because I didn't even Have to like Put myself out there And like really like Take risks socially like that Right

That's like Munchausen syndrome But exactly But then after prom You know we were down the shore I'm from Philly And you know People were drinking

So I took one shot Maybe two And I remember thinking Like wow wow, you're drunk. I don't think I was. I'm sure I was. You were probably just buzzed. Yeah. And then in college, all of a sudden I'm in college.

And I'd never drank except for that one night. And like everybody's getting blacked out. So like it was kind of stressful social situation. And I remember I had those skinny shot glasses that are like long. The long, tall ones, yeah. And I just thought that they were double shots, but they weren't. No, they're singles. So for the whole year, I was thinking I was taking like eight shots every pregame, but

I was really just taking four. Yeah. And going out and just feeling like I was drunk. I mean, I guess I was drunk. No, you were drunk, but still, you're not. I was drinking four shots, not eight. Eight would have been a lot. Yeah. Eight shots you were drunk. Yeah. But still, like, you're not. I was drinking four shots, not eight. Eight would have been a lot. Yeah.

Eight shots is a lot. By senior year, I was at a point where I would, like, drink, like, eight to 12 drinks, like, as a pregame, which is, like, absurd. Like, if I did that now, I'd be hospitalized. I'd die. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing that you lose.

I used to be able to drink all night, wake up the next morning, and just walk to class. Yeah. Or go do stuff that I needed to do. I bet you're the kind of guy who, like, you'll be out all night come back it's 3 a.m and like you'll still like you'll like go to the fridge and open and have like another drink one more yeah it's like yeah one for the ditch that's what my dad calls it one for the ditch yeah yeah one for the ditch which is like a turn it's a bad turn of phrase yeah it's it's referring to when you crash your car at the end of the night oh yeah don't drink and drive don't don't drink and drive bad idea i say that at all my shows i

say don't drink and drive and then i say unless you live far yeah because then you just sensitive then you just might have to do it yeah my dad does that he loves and for the ditch he just loves the idea of like one last one we're home that was always the thing with my see my family was the opposite with drinking we are a drinking family we love drinking we love it's like a part of our culture it's what we do together in fact some of the best nights of my life have been drunk with my parents my my uh what um i was home i don't know what we were home for maybe it was thanksgiving or but we were home and uh the old bag was back home with us and she was staying sober for the night for some reason maybe she wasn't feeling well but me my mom my dad my sister we were out and we were

getting fucking wrecked. And we went to this local bar, like the Crow's Nest or something. It is a dumpster. It's a bad place, right? You can get your own beer. You give them money and there's a cooler. You can just take it out as you please, right? It's phenomenal.

Townie Bar. That's what they call those, Townie Bars. Locals. Locals only, dude. Yeah, you're not invited unless you're a friend of the local. We go out, we get trashed, and then we're singing and yelling in the car. And then as we pull into my driveway from my parents' house, Come On Eileen comes on the radio.

Come on Eileen. You know this fucking song? You know this? Yeah. It's a massive hit. Yeah. Well, white Irish people love that stuff. That's like for some...

Because we have an aunt Eileen. That's a great song. For us, it's like Eileen is us. Yeah. So we're screaming at the top of our lungs. And I look around. At some point, I realized I have the greatest family on planet Earth. That's a great song. For us, it's like Eileen is us. Yeah. So we're screaming at the top of our lungs. And I look around. At some point, I realized I have the greatest family on planet Earth. That's so sweet.

My dad and my mom and my sister are hugging in the driveway, laughing, yelling, come on, Eileen, at like 2 in the morning. Yeah. My parents are fucking these grown adult parents. Adults. Beyond adults. Older people. Retired adults. They've done adulthood already.

It just made me, yeah, they did it and they've looked back on it already. Yeah. Now they've got to go to school. That made me feel, but that's what the culture of my family is. We like drinking. But always, always check down moments of like, no one in my family has ever had like a terrible addiction where it's ruined their lives. Yeah. Which is crazy. Yeah. Because we like to drink. drink yeah but we check each other a little bit that's

good if you didn't get stuff done like if you weren't efficient yeah you really you would get embarrassed about drinking yeah because my whole family was good at that yeah functioning alcoholics is that what you think you're a functioning alcoholic probably but i don't you just have like one drink every night two drinks every night i have no not every night so then you're a functioning alcoholic? Probably. But you just have like one drink every night? Two drinks every night? No, not every night. So then you're not. I know, but I think alcoholic has a very like, I think it's a broad word. Like I think I am.

I don't think you're not a functioning. You spend most of the day sober, dead sober. All sober all day. I know, but I think there's levels to it. I think a functioning alcoholic is someone who's drinking all day and still doing their life. I agree, but I also think I am addicted to alcohol to alcohol yeah but the same way i'm addicted to weed probably that's my point so like i think it's a level of it right like i don't if somebody said you have to give this up for the rest of your life i'd say it must be life-threatening otherwise i won't

yeah if you said it's either it's this or death i'd go fine i'll live what about this or sex uh fuck at this age it's still hey at this age yeah booze Fuck. At this age? Hey, at this age? Yeah. Booze. What were you going to say? You can still what with sex? Ejaculate other ways, just not vaginal. Oh, fuck. That's not even a question.

Yeah. That's not even a question. But sex is also different as you get older too, right? I've talked about this before. Sex is like... Tell me. Sex changes. Sex is not just penetration as you get older. Especially if you're with someone for a long time. What is it, like experimentation? It can be anything. Yeah.

Sex can be like making out and touching a lot. Ugh. My favorite thing to do sexually, like seriously, is to just sit like Indian style across from a woman. Hot. And like kiss her in underwear. Yeah. And like kiss each other and like slowly tickle our genitals over the underwear.

Oh, that's hot. Like I prefer doing that to sex. So that's what I'm saying. Sex changes. As a kid, you think it's just like you gotta fuck, especially as a college kid, you're like,

I'm gonna fucking pump it and slam it as hard as I can. Yeah. Like I remember fucking so hard in college that my pelvis would get bruised. Yeah. And I thought that was cool. I never, I'm not, I'm not a smasher. I know, you're not a smasher i'm this you're a rubber yeah yeah i haven't

fucked raw in like five in like five and a half years i know we've talked about this unfortunately because i because you have an illegitimate and i mean it an illegitimate fear of stds i talk about this shit way too much i just did a whole trojan condom commercial shoot. I know, but they're paying you good money. It's crazy. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Buffalo Trace. Buff Trace is the only bourbon with balls since 1773. They've been cooking up the good sauce.

I've told you this before. I'm going to tell you this again. It is incredible stuff. It is absolutely delicious. It is absolutely delicious. It's distilled. It's bottled by Buffalo Trace Distillery. It's 90 proof. It's in Franklin County, Kentucky.

And Buff Trace is all American, family owned, and they're fiercely independent. Don't forget that stuff when you go to pick up a bottle of bourbon because I believe that these guys make some of the best stuff I've ever had in my entire life. The different levels of this are great too. If you don't, uh, if Buffalo Trace isn't your flavor, go try Eagle Rare because that's even better. Go try Blanton's, go try Pappy. All of these are part of the Buff Trace family. Buffalo Trace is an incredible distillery that I visited myself. Um, and that whiskey is so good and it's, uh, it's comes from these beautiful big barrels on their property and everybody was scared out of their minds at the turn of the century but those people over at Buffalo Trace

were sipping whiskey winning distillery of the year by the Whiskey Advocate magazine in the year 2000 and since then they've won more awards than any other distillery in the world so when you are thirsty and you want something to sap on go get yourself some buff trace it's the only bourbon with balls

it's right there on the bottle show you nuts take a sip back to the episode it is fucking crazy it's nuts it is fucking crazy so tell

say this let's shift gears no more sex stuff we have been pretty sexual I don't care but that's I think that's cool fans like it and if they don't care. But I think that's cool.

Fans like it. And if they don't, they turned out. They fucking turned it off. I think it's been an honest conversation. No, it's very honest. People do want to know. It is funny that people ask me questions about you. And it's because they know that we did the show together. They know that we're friends.

And I'm like, that's his business. I don't know. But people ask me about you doing this album and you're making an album. People annoy you with that, don't they? The amount of times you get asked. Well. When are you doing this album and you're making an album yeah people annoy you with that don't they uh the amount of times you get asked well when are you making an album when are you making an album yeah it's just yeah it's like anything i post it could be like a picture of like honestly like like rest in peace like grandma and they'll be like where's the album though gonna and i get it because because uh i it's unbelievable how long it's taken me to make it's i didn't see this coming in terms of a take.

It's crazy. Yeah, but you didn't do it on purpose. No, obviously. I'm working very hard. Like, I guess I'd feel bad if I was, like, lollygagging. But I'd also be like, you know, if my favorite rapper is Drake, if Drake took five years in between albums, I'd be so annoyed at Drake because it's like, man, I need my Drake.

But, like, not really annoyed, but, like, I'd be like, man. And I get it. He's still your favorite rapper? Yeah, need my Drake. But not really annoyed, but I'd be like, man. And I get it. He's still your favorite rapper? Yeah, I love Drake. Still today? Drake and Kanye. Yeah. Is it a tie for you?

Drake over Kanye. No, it's a tie. I mean, in terms of like, it's a tie. Dissography-wise, Kanye's first couple of albums. My favorite album of all time is Kanye, for sure. Which one? College Dropout. Dropout's the best album.

It's my favorite album in the history of music. Yeah. It's actually, to me, of all the albums kanye for sure which one college drop dropouts the best my favorite album it's not even history of music yeah it's not it's actually to me of all the albums he's ever made it's nothing even comes remotely close i i don't think any body of music by anybody comes remotely close to college drive that's big that's a big leap like it's that to me that it's so clear-cut my favorite album do you but do you don't put it up against any sort of old school hip-hop at all you don't think nasal matic is one of the best albums i love nas ilmatic and it is one of the best albums of all time but that's what i mean like that thing front to back is fucking incredible especially because it's like a 19 year old kid doing it's incredible nas ilmatic is incredible and it's just like it's like you know uh you know are you kd or like steph you know it's like

different kind i get that right two different right two different games what is that what were some of the most influential hip hop albums when you were a kid? College Dropout. Like I feel like hearing that one and just the attitude of College Dropout is just one of like,

I'm going to be me and you can't tell me what to do and I'm going to be the best of all time. And I feel like that's like how I operate in life. The artwork was incredible too. The artwork was incredible.

I mean, that musically is so much more elevated than like hip hop. What was coming out at the time, right, it was way ahead of its time. Then and now, it's just like people just don't make music like that anymore. No, but he doesn't make music like that anymore either. No, he doesn't. I'm friends with Kanye and I said to him, I was talking to him and I was like, you could just make more music like that. And he was like, yeah, but I don't want to.

I already did that. He was like, why do I want to try to remake an old wave instead of make a new one? I agree with him. He's totally right. You know why? Because a lot of artists have tried to do that. It just doesn't work. And he's like, if you do that, you'd have no Yeezus.

I love Yeezus. Yeah. I love Yeezus. Give me some other albums that shaped your youth. Soundtracks to your childhood. Green Day Dookie. So good. Yeah.

Again, phenomenal artwork. Back when artwork was really such a big proponent because you physically held a CD. Yeah. Dookie was such a good album. I love Dookie. Give me another one. I was very into Limp Bizkit. Really?

Yeah. What was his album? What was it called? Not... There was... Ugh. into Limp Bizkit. Really? Yeah. What was his album? What was it called? Not, there was, well, first off, actually,

I need to talk about the Goo Goo Dolls. You love the Goo Goo Dolls. I love the Goo Goo Dolls. What's the name? The one with Slide on it, whatever that album was called. Yeah,

whatever that was called, yeah. Would it be called Goo Goo Dolls? I wasn't a Goo Goo Dolls guy, so I don't know. The thing that's crazy about, I do want to look it up now.

You know what's crazy about the Goo Goo Dolls? Yeah. So, all of their so everyone knows their hits or whatever like the lead singer John Resnick or whatever

half of their songs on their albums the bass player is the lead singer right oh a boy named Goo a boy named Goo exactly

with the little boy with his penis being covered up by the hands that artwork is so recognizable what's the next album Dizzy Up the Girl that's the one that That artwork is so recognizable. What's the next album?

Dizzy Up the Girl. That's the one that I'm speaking of. Yeah, Dizzy Up the Girl. That's the slide, yeah. People don't realize that, so basically John Resnick to me is the lead singer and his voice is incredible. And then the bass player is like great at playing, I mean every song that this guy sings,

the song sucks. Right. Half of their, every time they put, and it's like unbelievable how like much, I guess, allegiance that they must have to like splitting up the lead vocal duties. Right. That like you got one who's like, it's like having like John Mayer or like you sing. And like they still divide. You're right.

It's crazy. And I feel like only Goo Goo Dolls fans know that. And I wonder if other Goo Goo Dolls fans are as dissatisfied with that hierarchy as i am or are they like fuck you you're not a real google dolls fan or not like i wonder what i think actually most people are probably like fuck i just want 14 songs of john resnick i mean real hardcore ggd ggd fans yeah they probably don't give a fuck at all they probably some people i know but i i know what you're saying like i i but look i mean fucking dave Grohl played drums for a long time and probably the greatest band of all time

and then made another great band. It's crazy. That's almost impossible. It's crazy. You know what that feels like to me? I love Nirvana. I like, it's funny because I liked Nirvana a lot as a kid.

They weren't my like favorite band, but I think, I think Dave Grohl's second half of his career was much stronger than Nirvana could have ever been. And I mean that wholeheartedly. Well, the Foo Fighters are obviously... I think the Foo Fighters were so much better of a band than Nirvana could have

ever become. I disagree. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't think Nirvana ever would have lasted. No way. They were a moment in time, a beautiful moment in time. No, they would have. If Kurt Cobain didn't die, he'd be making bad music. He'd be doing what Green Day did. Don't want to be an American idiot. No, he wouldn't.

See, that's not. No, never. That's not Kurt. Nope. Yep. But I would have said that about Billy Joe, too. Same thing. See?

I would have said the exact same thing. I would have said Dookie. That album alone would have made me think. Or Kerplunk, the one before that. It's tough for these guys, you know, who are so rebellious. Well, they're young. And they're young. That's what I'm saying.

They're young. They're young. To be then like 32. And they know they can't be like rebellious and be taken seriously. So at that point, they're just like, all right, let's get this money. Yes. See? And they make like the hits.

Or, like Chris Rock says, some of the worst things that can happen to a comedian is too much money because too much money to a lot of comedians they lose touch completely yeah i'm not gonna name names but there's guys dude if i showed you what they do now you'd be sad yeah guys legends from our youth yeah that's the problem too much of everything it's like you lose touch you know dude that that that that whole album of dookie was basically about being poor and jerking off in a shitty apartment in oakland it was like it like, how can I fucking not lose my mind while also losing my mind? And now, you know, now they're like staunch Democrats who like preach about their politics. And you're like, oh, man.

I don't know. They're probably like, what, 40 or 50 at this point? 70 or 80 now. Yeah. What was your favorite childhood album? Pearl Jam, Vitology was definitely one of them yeah probably one of the best albums i've ever heard in my life front to back uh gang stars moment of truth or hard to earn i loved both of those things so very much gang star was probably

my favorite group of all time yeah like of all time and then what uh i love jay-z and eminem jay-z too volume two volume took my breath away you mean very first album or or a shady lp the shady the real shady lp that one i mean the first and second album like the one with my name is like the dr dre yeah yeah yeah i mean when that came out i was like fucking like 12 or something and i was just like right in his wheelhouse it changed my life i the the way the music the music was so different than anything i'd ever heard in hip hop that it was scary almost. I was like, whoa, this is like. Remember how like, that's the thing about like, I think to myself like, man, like back

when like the VMAs were like, you didn't see the celebrities until like those events. Yeah, yeah. They were hidden. You had to wait to like see Eminem and then you see him and he's like, now it's like you're so visible. I know. Well, you do a good job of staying a little bit distant, right? Yeah, but I think most of the time it's because I'm so ashamed that it's been five years since I put an album out that I don't even want people to see me Instagramming me watching The Sixers.

Why? I don't know. I'm going to start Instagramming more when the show comes out and when my music comes out. Instagram Live is always so scary. Why? What if I say something crazy? What are you going to say? I don't know.

You did use the chant, kill the Jews on set. I love Kid Rock, which is such a – and I did love Kid Rock. And then all of a sudden he does racist stuff and then all of a sudden it's like – Does he do racist shit? I think so. What does he do? I don't know. I don't even – and maybe even even saying it's like that type of

thing on instagram live he he he's a big trump guy i think i think so too yeah that which is tight do your thing dude fly private jets fucking live that thug life i'll tell you what i loved joe c rest in peace the midget dude was great. How'd he die? I think. Fell off a roller coaster. I don't know. Shouldn't have got on. He fell off a roller coaster? Yeah, yeah.

You know those, you have to be taught. You're joking. Yeah. Oh. You know, you have to be this tall to ride this ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't obey the sign. For a second, I thought, that's insane.

He fell right out of the seat. Yeah. He fell right out of the seat. Did you know that the founder of the Segway. Yeah, he died on a Segway. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Look at me. Perfect. Yeah. The guy who made the Atkins diet. right out of the sea did you know that the founder of the segway yeah he died on a segway yeah yeah perfect look at me perfect yeah the guy who made the atkins diet died as well atkins atkins atkins

yeah died by maintaining the atkins yeah you can't eat that much fucking meat that's crazy you're just eating meat is like a and i'm probably misquoting like the exact science of it but i think you had a heart attack yeah Yeah. I love the impossible meat. You like it. I love it. Tried it. I just can't do it. Tastes like a burger to me, and then I feel so good about it.

I guess, but it's also so chemically processed. They say those things aren't good for you either. Better for the earth. How do you know? It's not a long enough time. It's like vaping, right? We don't know how bad it is yet. I don't know.

We haven't had enough test time. Cow meat is bad. Kind of. No, it's yet. I don't know. We haven't had enough test time. Cow meat is bad. Kind of. No, it's really bad. For the earth. Yeah, like the rate in which we slaughter cows and breed cows. Not even slaughter, just breed cows.

Keep them pregnant with milk. Because they fart. Yeah. And the methane goes into the air and it's a huge carbon thing. I know, but that's the animal's fault, not ours. Yeah, it's God's fault, really. He did it. The Lord. If you could have taken one animal,

if you're Noah and you have the ark, because I could see you being Noah. One animal I got. You only can take one on the ark, what would it be? If they're like, Noah, you can only do one. That's a great question. Who are you going to take on? Which one? Probably the panda bear. Why?

I just think they're adorable. They're so cute. Like, I'm not kidding. They're supposed to be vicious, by the way. I'm sure. Yeah. If I had an option, truly, of, like, a girlfriend. I mean, this isn't true. I mean, a wife is different.

Like, if I had the option of, like, dating a girl who was, like, really hot and, like, who, like, I wasn't, like, in love with, but, like if I had the option of like dating a girl who was like really hot and like who like I wasn't like in love with but like I really liked her and respected her and like she and it was just it was like a perfect situation

for like three months where I was like totally sexually satisfied and she did everything it was like it was such a not wife

because I wouldn't trade anything for a wife but like the perfect fling or I live with a panda bear who's trained to where every time I come home he rises and stands and walks and he hugs me and then he goes back to him just lies down and like all he does is lie

and watch television like i can lie on him and like he'll hug and all he does is lie and hug i would pick the panda bear any day of the week every day i mean that sounds like the dream how many hugs you get a day from the panda bear i think we're just like you know anytime you enter the room uh maybe you know if you get a dog it's kind of similar you have a dog no you don't know yeah i did your dog right now she's in the room oh she was barking when you came in i didn't even remember she wanted to see you but she gets excited yeah and i wanted to put away because otherwise she wouldn't believe it she would you know what she does is really cute she snipped when she were in here yeah recording she'll sniff the door and she'll go,

to let us know that she wants to come in here. Dude, a dog is the exact same thing. Yeah. Greets you with such excitement. Yeah, it does. She piddles. More standard. You know what that is?

No. She pees when she sees me. That's bad. She gets so excited, she pees. That must suck for you. No, I clean. I lick it right up. I love my dog.

I can't get a dog. It's like, you just don't know what you're getting. Like dog See I can't get a dog It's like You just don't know What you're getting Like I got friends Who got dogs You're right You don't know What you're getting

And then they're just like They're just like They're going like Every breath they take They go And then like I can't live with that Every breath like that

That's a kind of dog Yeah you have to get A certain kind of dog Or they fart all the time Or they bark Like it's like My dog doesn't bark You don't even know

You don't even know I had a dog I don't even know She barked when you came to the door Because whenever someone Comes to the door because whenever someone comes to the door she barks yeah

but once you're in here and she can smell you and knows that you're part of the crew I was so enamored by your haircut you like my new hair my little army haircut it's tight

yeah this is in case I get shipped off to World War 3 that we're about to get in you're very like ready to play like an old role like a like an older like a war movie role

yeah pick up those shells yeah see me back at the bunker at noon yeah that's me yeah that's me I could be in an old war movie

I don't want to act that much anymore though really yeah I think doing our show is kind of like I want to just do you're really good though I know but I want to do things

only that I want to do anymore but you're actually a really good like I think a lot of stand up comedians are bad like noticeably bad actors well don't just say that I think a lot of actors are probably bad actors totally a lot of people-up comedians are noticeably bad actors. Don't just say that.

I think a lot of actors are probably bad actors. Totally. A lot of people are bad actors. But you're like, as a guy who's sifting through the footage every day, there are a lot of moments in the show that aren't even funny. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that's real. And you're so believable. Well, here's what you should say.

Let's say this to the people at home. They should know. You wrote the show. You're producing the show. show you're editing the show you made music for the show yeah you're doing all the fucking you're you're lifting way too many weights well it's called dave my name's on the line doesn't i know but still do a lot of people don't do that i got to tell you you hands on a lot of people don't do that i you don't you i don't know if you know that enough because it's not like i have no context well you haven't lived in tv long enough to know that like a lot of people take take take have no context. Well, you haven't lived in TV long enough to know that.

A lot of people take a lot of time away from things and let other people take over. And probably to your credit and to your discredit, that probably hurts you sometimes. You're spending a lot of time on the show. I spend a lot of time. I feel like I have to – I delegate to certain extents. You barely delegate. Be real. I barely delegate.

Yeah, you're hard at that. The things you're good at delegating are like things that you know you definitely don't want to do. Yeah. Or like that I'm not great at. Or things that you're like, that's a waste of my time. Yeah. I just like have very strong opinions.

And it's like... You do. If something was... If we were like left with footage where there was this one little flaw all i would do when i watched the entire episode is look at that flaw and think about the negativity that comes along with that flaw and that's a horrible feeling and i don't i would i want to feel like oh i did my best in terms of making sure that i didn't get those flaws and if the flaw isn't there it's not my fault i gave it my all that's a fact yeah right then you have then you have the last check down

i'm okay with failure not really but like i can live with it no you're not i'm not but like what i'm what i'm not okay with is what if so it's like i need to like always feel like i did my best yeah but you i mean the best foot forward on the show right the guy that produced the show and directed the show or co-co-director produced the show jeff shaver who did the league and he did Curb this year. And then we had a phenomenal crew of people that came on the show. Young Thug, who I was bummed I didn't get to see. Trippie Redd.

Gunna. Gunna. Tierra Whack. Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber, who was the album you were on. Yeah, I'm on Justin Bieber's album. That's awesome. Isn't that wild?

It is wild. I very rarely am like, oh, my God, let's a step back and appreciate like what you've accomplished in life but being on bieber bieber's album as well how many cameos are on that album i think like i don't know like four or five not a lot i read i read i read the title tags and i was like yeah each one of those songs is only him i mean when the reality is like when i started rapping i did not know like it was not to like become a rapper like I didn't I didn't even believe I had that in me

to that extent I was like oh I think I'm like worthy of being a comedian this is a good way to get noticed for that so like the fact that like that was the origin

and like I've just worked hard enough to where five years later I'm a good enough rapper where the biggest pop star in the world in the world is asking me to be

on his album it's like a total like it's like incredible but he's asking you to be on the album because of a mutual respect he's done he did Earth with you yeah you know what i mean so he hit me and said man i think you're one of the best rappers like in the game do you think do you think what you did on um excuse me bless you what you did on it was a cough i know you say bless you for

cough too yeah all right how about this what is that god bless how about this you cool that's a good one yeah when you did uh when you did um on sway's show yeah do you think that's do you think that's that's why bieber hit me he hit me about that but do you think that's the do you think that's the illest freestyle you've ever done that's the yeah i mean when people say like what are you the most proud of that's it i think that's the thing i like if i were to have to show anybody like three minutes of like content yeah like i could i mean let me ask you this as someone who's a diehard hip-hop fan yeah the idea when i was a kid when we were were kids, because we're similar in age. Yeah. I'm a little older, right?

Yeah, I think you're like... I'm 36. So you're five years older. It doesn't feel that way. We feel like peers. I know we are. Yeah. But I mean, when I was a kid,

which changed in hip hop over the time too, was freestyling was always off the dome. Yeah. That was always a thing. Yeah. And then freestyling changed completely. It's just the name. Yeah.

Isn't that funny though? But no one ever really talks about it. I know. It's just kind of like it's a part of the world. Yeah. Because I say that what you did on Sway was a freestyle, but it wasn't necessarily a freestyle. It was a written verse. Well, it was.

I mean, how many bars did you do? It was four minutes. Five minutes. Off the top of their head. Lyrics that complex. Yeah. No, it'd be impossible. you'd have to be like a rockets i mean unless you're one of the greatest rappers of all time like nick cannon who's the greatest rapper of all time period you know who the best freestyle i've ever seen is yeah juice world who died juice yeah have you ever seen his freestyles yeah they're they're so they're never ending you can do it for like an

hour and he makes total sense the entire time and is actually really like good like intricate flow patterns like to me he was the best freestyle i've ever seen and he and he was like the best hit make he was like i really feel like he was the most talented uh like songwriter in music did you you know big l right yeah big l's 98 freestyle yeah was a freestyle i'm sure so that to me was one of the best i've ever heard freestyle jay's low wayne freeze like they i don't what a luxury must be like go i mean i i can't imagine they're just going in there and like doing one juice did that my friend benny worked with juice yeah and would say he would go in the booth go three minutes over the beat and it'd be a hit and then he'd say okay another one and then he'd go three minutes over the beat and it'd be a different hit and then

he'd be like just pick whatever version you want. He would tell Benny to cut it up? No, not even cut it up. Just like pick, like, which hit do you want? Because like he would just do it. He freestyled. The whole song is freestyled. Ugh.

Hits. Ugh. Like smash hits. How, how, how? I sit in my room for six months and write a verse. You know what I mean? Yeah. This guy goes in there and it's four minutes and it's a smash.

But the brain just works in different ways. It does. Your brain will collect itself in different times, mean? Yeah. This guy goes in there and it's four minutes and it's a smash. But the brain just works in different ways. It does. Your brain will collect itself in different times, right? Yeah. One day you'll write a ton of shit and then one day you'll write no shit. Yeah. Isn't that how you do it? Yeah.

That's how I do it. Yeah. I'm always very observant and just writing notes down at all times. Sometimes I feel bad about it because I'll be like, I'll just experience such an insanely interesting moment with another human being. And rather than like live in that moment with them, I'd be like, I have to write this down. Well, you are. You're writing it down and then you're living in it right after.

Yeah. You want to remember it. It's just, I have such a bad natural memory. Like I will forget it. If I don't write it down, I will totally forget what happened. What about your long term? It's solid. Short term is terrible.

Horrible. I think it's probably smoking weed. I'm the polar opposite. Yeah. My short term is honestly atrocious. I mean, it's solid. Short term is terrible. Horrible. I think it's probably smoking weed. I'm the polar opposite. Yeah. My short term is honestly atrocious. I mean, it's great. I'm sorry. My long term is embarrassing.

My long term is pretty good. My youngest I can remember of like vivid memories would be like eight or nine. That's very old. No. Is it young? Some people can go into like four, five yeah yeah no i'm saying so like you don't have a yeah yeah eight or nine maybe yeah maybe 10 even yeah maybe 14 i don't i don't i i yeah no one of my earliest memories is my cleaning woman at the time lifting me up by my hair lifting

me out of the air but what was her name uh lisa what what what what uh but she but what race was she uh like like hispanic i don't know what did she call you the thing is little dave the thing is when i say this to my mother she says there's no way that happened she doesn't believe it no why because it sounds atrocious it sounds great i mean it is crazy and it's possible you know how like you can misremember things well we do this thing where we there's a theory for it and i can't think about i can't think of the name but we we compile a myriad of both true stories and things from our society or like the social narrative and sometimes those things intertwine

and they become your reality yeah there was a guy named james fray who wrote a book called million little pieces it's a phenomenal fucking book i highly recommend it yeah oprah put it on her book club and then a year later um basically chastised him publicly because it came out that it was a it i think it was quoted as being a nonfiction, a memoir. And then it came out that the story wasn't completely true. It was embellished and it was filled with hyperbole, right? Well, she fucking took it away, which essentially takes away the gold seal and it banished this guy. This guy was like a, it was almost like plagiarism in the journalistic world, but it wasn't plagiarism. He was simply just divulging more than perhaps could have been the truth.

Yeah. But that's what we all do as storytellers. Yeah. So it bothered the shit out of me. That's interesting. It bothered me so much that she did that, that I was like, you basically made this guy out to be, you put the black mark on him to be like, he's not real and not true and he's a liar.

It's like, no, he just- He's a human. He's a human. We all embellish stories so whatever this was that you remembered as a kid it's your reality because it is like what

she pulled you by your hair lifted me up the reason was because I kept I remember lying on we were watching TV and I was just like lying on top of her

I was that small where I could just lie on top of another person what do you mean like on her back I feel like my memory was like her on her side

and me like on top of her like this and then I just kept Like on her back? I feel like my memory was like her on her side and me like on top of her like this. Okay. And then I just kept having to pee. You just had to get up and pee.

Yeah, and I think I got up one time too many and she said, but I mean, that sounds crazy. Just say it. She just lifted me up on my hair

and I don't remember. I just remember, it's like, have you ever seen Inside Out? I love that movie. Yeah, it's like this was one of my core memories.

That is a core memory, right? It logged in core. Yeah. She picked you up by your head. It hurt your feelings. It hurt my head, my scalp. But did you cry? Yeah.

Yeah, hard. Yeah, I was physically abused. And you told your mother and she was like, that didn't happen. No, yeah. I can't remember if I told her at the time. That's the thing. I probably didn't rat. She was your babysitter or house cleaner.

I think kind of two in one. All of the above. I think so. I had a woman that babysat me that was a Puerto Rican girl named Lisa was her first name as well. No shit. That's crazy. And she used to go. You think it was my Lisa?

I'd go, Lisa. And she'd go, what? She would do that all the time. Because I'd go, Lisa. And I'd yell the A. It was the same Lisa. It was yours. My parents got her because of your family.

Yeah. Your parents were like, you'll love her. You know? You'll love her. No, but she used to go, I used to go, Lisa,

what up? And then one day, her family, I was staying at her house because my mom was doing something like late into the night, drugs, drugs.

And, no, no, no, no. Oh, my mom was sober. She didn't do that stuff.

But, she, I was over at their house and Exorcist, we watched the movie Exorcist. Do you know the movie Exorcist? Yeah. And I had the worst nightmares for months.

And my mom found out about it. She got so mad. Yelled at Lisa forever about it. Like, why would you let her watch that? That's insane. But I felt bad because I should have just not told her I had nightmares. Because I really wanted to watch the movie. I was like, I just want to see it so bad.

Yeah. You asked for it. I did. It was my fault. It was my fault. I did Lisa wrong. But you were a child and that's what Lisa's for. She got, my mother fired her and then she got deported.

Actually? No. Oh. I don't know what happened. She could be dead. I had no idea. It was a long time ago. Yeah.

There's a lot of things about my youth that I don't really remember that are vague because it was, I don't know what happened. She could be dead. I have no idea. It was a long time ago. Yeah. There's a lot of things about my youth that I don't really remember that are vague because it was... I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was just... Do you think you were repressing sad memories? Yeah, maybe. Yeah. No abuse, though.

Yeah. It was never hit. Just redheaded mistreatment. Yeah. Mistreatment by the society. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you piece of shit.

That's what they'd yell out the window. You're a freak. Freak. Loser. Yeah. Firecrouch. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you piece of shit. That's what they'd yell out the window. You're a freak. Freak. Loser. Yeah. Firecrouch. Yeah. Opie.

You're nasty. You're nasty. Sometimes they would just boo me. I'd walk into a store and they'd go, boo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were heckled. And I would go like this. I would curl up, you know, like Quasimodo almost, you know? Yeah. And they'd throw

tomatoes at me. Yeah. They'd be like, here's more red, you know? Yeah. And they'd throw tomatoes at me. Yeah. They'd be like, here's more red for you, loser. And they would huck them at me as hard as they could. You didn't even have a beard back then, too. I did have a beard back then. You did. I had a beard when I was eight.

You know what's so fucked up, though? I had facial hair in high school. I grew facial hair in eighth grade. That is fucked up. You were probably a big, tall kid. I was not big. I was tall. I was skinny as a fucking rail.

Yeah. When I got to college, it was like, then I got fat. Yeah. And then it all kind of like leveled itself out. Yeah. But I was always tall. I was probably 6'1", my sophomore year. Have you ever been able to dunk?

I dunked a bunch. I've talked about it on this podcast. That's awesome. Yeah. Year, many a moons ago. You could never go out and dunk right now. I'm 36 so no of course not yeah i quit basketball years ago yeah fucking taco called me to go play

basketball yeah i know i don't do i can't i don't play ball anymore yeah i lift weights and i run to fit in my head i hate lifting weights i know i can tell i love lifting weights it's like the worst thing it's bullshit it's so bad like there's nothing I'd rather do less than like take weights. And move them around. And physically lift them. I know. Is that me? Wasn't me.

That's very rude. Yeah. I apologize. Turn it off, please. I'm turning it off. I'm turning it off. Lifting weights is probably not healthy for you. If you, if you've waited this long.

Well, I, there was a period. So when I got dumped by that girl, I started lifting. I said, why? You thought you were gonna get jacked.

Yeah. And I got jacked, not jacked, but I got in good. I have got what's called cut. We call it cut. I have a body type where if I lifted weights for two months, I would like look amazing,

like very good. Yeah. But it's just like, I just, I lifted weights for two months, I would look very good. Yeah. But it's just like I have a good metabolism and natural athletic build. Yeah. And I lifted back then for the first time. I was so weak back then I couldn't even bench the bar. The bar? I could not even bench the bar.

Do you know how much the bar weighs? 45 pounds. Yeah, you couldn't do that. I could not do it once. Literally. Could you do it today? Today I could. But, I mean, today I couldn't even do 45s on both sides.

No way. No, that'd be tough, huh? Yeah. That's where I actually, I mean, that's not easy. 45s on each side? I got to a place where I could do that for like eight. Eight reps? I think something like it.

I'm always a core guy. I'm a core strength man. I'm allergic to you for some reason. Yeah. You're a core guy? Core strength guy. Do you have abs? Not really. Let'm allergic to you for some reason. You're a core guy? Core strength guy. You have abs? Not really.

Let me see. Lift up your shirt. Too much stomach acne. I don't want to show them. Come on, baby. You know you. I just got treatment on it. Do you really?

Yeah, I just started going to a new woman. Well, I don't want to talk about... Well... Go ahead. No. You went to a new dermatologist? Yeah, and it's... How many have you gone through?

I mean, like six. Six people? Six dermatologists? Yeah. Because they're, I mean, it's just hope. It's new hope every time. I'm going to open up a place called New Hope Dermatology. That's a great...

It's a new hope. New Hope Dermatology. Well, look at it like this. You're a good, sweet man, and people want to be around you, including the opposite sex. Yeah. And when the show comes out in a week,

more people are going to be around you of the opposite sex. Do you think it's going to do a number for me? I hope so. I hope the babes like it. I think women will like the show. Comment below if you're a babe and you're interested in Dave with or without body acne.

Look right into the camera confidently. So no matter what, I treat you well. And I'm smart and funny. And I am a really good person. That's a fact. So if you're okay with a blemish or 34 blemishes, then let's chill. Then it's very chill. Yeah.

What's your perfect first date? Pitch this to the girl. I say we meet at a local bar. Name it. The Galley. Got it. Nautical themed. Love that.

I mean, I'm talking the oldest bar in Santa Monica. It is. There's peanut shells strewn on the ground Love it String lights everywhere I mean it looks like Christmas at all times there It's always the holidays It's the place you walk in and you think

Alright I could fall in love in this venue Yeah You say meet you there You tell her meet me there Meet me there I'm going to be there about two minutes early You're going to be about four minutes late I'm going to stand outside for six minutes

And I'm going to think I'm going to think it all through. And then you'll come in and we'll joke about the menu because everything's got funny names and they're all nautical themed. It is funny. They'll come and they'll bring

a drink over and it's actually their drinks are a little stiff. Yeah, very stiff. They're very stiff. They pour them right there. Which honestly, it's like fun starts like

it's like one drink in and everyone's like it's like spring break. Yeah. You know mean daytona and you know well the waitress is coming by and she's can i what can i get you guys something to eat actually i used to so i used to i i'm like a serial dater or i was i like i've gone on more dates than any person but now you're chilling now i'm chilling but like there was a time where like at this place the galley like where i went there like on like 75 first at this place, the galley, like where I went there like on like 75 first dates

within like an eight month span to like where like I was hoping the waitress is there wouldn't be like, good to see you again, man. Like again? Like who's like... I've never been here.

One time a waitress when my date went to the bathroom and she was a cute waitress too and she was like my server a lot and my date goes to the bathroom and she comes by and she says, so what do I do to have to be one of these girls you always bring here and i started flirting with her and then my other date came i was it was i was like a high peak feeling for me in terms of

like wow like i'm like like really like developing into my own physique do you did you ever connect with a waitress no because you don't date waitresses no i do actually yeah i mean it's like you can't waitress at a place that you go to often is what i'm saying yeah you don't date waitresses? No, I do actually. Yeah. I mean, it's not that I do. You can't date waitresses at a place that you go to often is what I'm saying. Yeah, you don't want shit where you eat. Yeah, you can't do that. Because then, yeah, it's like that's a classic blunder. Especially if it's a place you like. I did leave my number on a waitress on a receipt one time and it worked.

Did it? Actually, she threw it out and then her co-worker found it and gave it to her. I don't know how they- She threw it out on accident? Yeah, she just didn't see it. And the co-worker was like, oh, this is the guy's number. Yeah. And did you end up seeing her?

Yeah. And? And we hooked up a few times. She's a lovely girl. Lovely girl. Yeah, it was very fun. She likes slow... Touching, genital touching?

Just intimacy. Indian leg stuff? Indian cross leg? Man. Sorry. Why he took you back? I'm just thinking. You had a moment, didn't you?

I was just thinking. 2015, just. Sorry. Why? You took it back, huh? I'm just thinking. You had a moment, didn't you? I was just thinking. 2015, just going back. You sat right in it for a hot minute. It was so nice. It was like one of the greatest moments of your life. It was nice. I felt you feel it. It's a very nice thing.

When you guys do the general touching, do you come in your underwear? So much pre-cum. So much pre-cum. I mean, I'm just soaked. Oh, that's cute. I have come in my i mean no no from touch just from the touching on top i mean that's happy yeah that happened last year at a wedding i got a over the underwear handjob and came at the wedding in the hotel afterwards in the room in the room have you ever hooked up out in public one time time I had sex on the beach. On the beach?

One time. Terrible place to fuck. It was one of my favorite sexual experiences. Sand all over the place. Yeah. It worked out. It was very cute and it was just very sweet. You got to be close enough to the water where the sand is a little bit...

I've never fucked in public. I've never... No. I've never... I'm pretty un... Like... Public sex is hard. Yeah.

Have you fucked in public yeah you ever fucked while driving I got my I got my peen sucked while driving but never fucked no fucking while driving

is almost almost like absurdly risky yeah even in porn I'm like how did they fake this yeah that's crazy is there porn where people

are fucking while driving it's a whole website called people fucking while driving.com fucking people fucking while driving.com what's the position what do you mean

she's on top and he's going like this okay yeah that's cool Peoplefuckingwhiledriving.com. Fucking. Peoplefuckingwhiledriving.com. What's the position? What do you mean? She's on top and he's going like this. Okay. Yeah. That's cool. Go to peoplefuckingwhiledriving.com. We got to buy that website. It's like one of those lemonparty.org things with the dick. Yeah.

Thick hurricane dick. Yeah. In one week from today, our television show comes out on FXX, Hulu, All the Good Jazz. Oh, man. It's called Dave. This is Dave. Yeah. It's a wonderful fucking show.

If you want to know what the gist of it is, because that billboard probably wouldn't tell you much. No. It's a comedy about the life of a young Jewish Philly kid. Entrepreneurial spirit. With an entrepreneurial spirit and a circle of friends that support his chaos. Yeah. If that was a log line, that's the one I would say.

I think it's just like, you know, they say write what you know. And like I happen to like live like an incredibly funny, entertaining life. Like I'm literally like a rapper. Yeah, you get to do that for a living. I go around the world rapping. And now you get to be a comedic actor. I perform. And like like you know

it's like literally like I'll be at like a venue and like two girls will come up to me and be like we'll both give you head right now

at the same time and I'll be like who raised you you don't even know me yeah but you still let them do it no

that's actually I would never that's a no man no two at once no I'd never I would like to get I would like that I think a no, no, ma'am. No two at once? No, I'd never. I would like to get, I would like that. I think you should let two girls suck your penis at once.

I'd like that to happen. I think that's a very valid thing. That's a type of porn I'll jerk off to a lot. Girls, if you're out there and you want to suck Dave's penis and there's two of you, go ahead and comment in the comments below. You can hit him up literally anytime, day, night. Morning. No, and he's not religious, so it doesn't matter.

You can do it on the holidays as well. Send nudes. I love you to death death I love you so much we're gonna go to a comedy show right now I can't wait it's gonna be fun it's a surprise

it's a good surprise I'm very happy please watch our show also next week as a reminder I'm gonna be in Philadelphia I'll be in your home fucking town

yeah and all my friends better turn up I think my friends are coming to your thing yeah and if they don't come I'll be so mad I'll be so fucking mad. When's the date?

I'll be in Philadelphia. It is next. I'm there Friday and Saturday. No, I'm sorry. Yeah. Friday, Saturday, March 6th and 7th. Oh, great. So our show comes out.

Watch the fucking show next week. And then also come see me at the Philly Punchline. If you don't, you're not a real fan in France. You're a loser. And you lack taste. You lack heavy amounts of taste. And please watch the show because I promise you're going to love it. Yeah, they will.

Here's what we do after every show. I'm going to walk off camera and you're going to look right into the camera and you're going to say one word or one phrase to end the episode. One word or a phrase. Right into the camera by yourself. Go ahead. Do I walk up to the camera? or one phrase to end the episode. One word or a phrase. Write into the camera by yourself. Go ahead. Do I walk up to the camera? No, you look right in and do it. Pig.

In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy. Ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.