Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Lisa Gilroy

Starting point is 00:00:00 What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Subscribe it, like it, leave a comment down below for the Al Goh Rhythm. Got a good one today and I am on tour. Very excited. Right now, this very moment, I'm in New Orleans, New Orleans, Louisiana. And then tomorrow I'm in San Antonio.

Starting point is 00:00:19 Then I'm taking a little bit of break for the holidays and i'm back up at it in january or january i'm gonna be in chicago doing uh... charleston and durham in new york and philly and boston and minneapolis and san diego and san francisco and phoenix and i'm all over the place go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets AndrewSantino.com dot com see you out there in here we pour Ladies and, welcome back to

Starting point is 00:01:06 Issu Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests when I meet him once again today. It is... Lisa Gilroy. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do $50 $50 $50 you could do that for the five seven and out of seven is on the total sold To the man with the big tits they say a word in there. That's like a filler word that they say it's not like I was having a bad but a bad but a bad I'm like how about a who would be D You know who would be BD habit habit of CBT and I'm before five to seven seven seven No, they just repeat the number they go if it's 70 bucks for that

Starting point is 00:01:41 They go somebody 70 70 70 70 70 70 75, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 70, 16666, that's how they do it. Okay, that's actually, that's pretty good. You're welcome. Where are you from? Edmonton, Alberta. Wow. You ever heard of it? I've played it a million times. You played it? I played the West Edmonton Mall, West Ed.

Starting point is 00:02:15 I forgot you were a banjo guy. Yeah. How were the crowds there? Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, do, do, do, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. The crowds were pretty good. The banjo scene died in like 97 or 98 I started in os 5 o 6

Starting point is 00:02:29 Oh, so I was trying to fucking bring life back to something that was definitely not coming back around Do you play double string or single string single? I've never been able to play double just cuz I might cut my nails really short Oh, I don't bite him though, but I do cut him really short So you need long on one side for picking and short on the other side for pressing. And I can't grow nails on my right hand. That's the problem. You don't have fingers on your right hand. Well, this is all part of the illusion of the show.

Starting point is 00:02:52 I played West Ed Mall. Stand up at comedy... comic... Comic strip? No, comic strip's the other one. Oh no, comic strip to West Ed. Yeah. I don't remember what it's called. I only ever went there one time. What's wrong with me? I can't believe I can't remember. I do know this. I played it a thousand fucking times back in the day. My brain just mushed this morning because of all the travel. Where did you just go back from? Europe? Australia. Same thing. Whoa! Down under! How was it?

Starting point is 00:03:17 I've never heard down under? What is that? Down under! What's that? It means like, okay, so you know how a world has a top and a bottom part? So the top part is where all the snow is and a top and a bottom part so the top part is where all the snow is and everything and the bottom part is where all the rain falls and it kind of collects and makes an ocean so in the bottom where the ocean is if there's any part of sand that grows a lot and is tall enough to become an island it becomes Australia

Starting point is 00:03:38 so that's why they call it under because it's under the world on the bottom. How was it? A lot of water I'll tell you that. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of convicts, right? I thought Australia is where all the prisoners go. We're not supposed to say that? I mean that's a little rude and racist. Oh sorry, sorry. I don't know, I just heard that. Why don't you go back to England? Oh. Bigot. Bigot. That's what frogs are actually saying, bigot. Bigot.

Starting point is 00:04:04 So if you take a frog around someone you can tell. That's like, you know like Gator, that's their racist. Yeah, but if they say it all the time then how are you supposed to know when it's telling the truth? It's kind of like you, you lie all the time so how are you supposed to know? Everyone's a bigot. That's the point. Whoa. Welcome to the real world, kid. Welcome to the real world, you said to me, God will send in Lee.

Starting point is 00:04:23 So, why were you in Australia? Who is that again? I think that's Wayne Brady from... Wayne Gretzky? No, Wayne Brady from, whose line is it anyway? From Brady Bunch, yeah. Why was I down under? We were playing shows, and let me back it up real fast.

Starting point is 00:04:38 I have said a thousand times how much I do have a lot of love for Alberta. Oh. Canada. I've also been to the Calgary stamppied up there in Calgary Calgary I do love it. I actually did start there seriously really Rick Bronson's room Yeah, Rick and Tammy Bronson started there that was like for the first couple of times. I got to headline was Up at the West End Mall. Oh, that's nice. Did you stay at the Fantasyland in? I'd never stayed at the hotel

Starting point is 00:05:03 They had condo they had a couple of condos that were down the road that most comics when you start out you stay at The condo because they own it and then but I've always said this about that place and I'm being genuine Okay, the women the women in I've always joked about this the women in Alberta are Shockingly beautiful like no, I'm not kidding, and the men. Are atrocious. Unbelievable. The disparity is so, honestly,

Starting point is 00:05:32 it is so, the gap is so big. When we would go out to get a drink or get something to eat, I'd be like, look at all these beautiful girls and their boyfriends or husbands are these absolute animals. How do you know it's not their brothers? What's the difference? Well, were they kissing?

Starting point is 00:05:50 Yeah. Because then they were brothers, sister. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's how it bird away. You know how there's something I can't- You know what I'm talking about though, the women are beautiful up there. I mean, that's great.

Starting point is 00:05:59 And what is that? I think I would agree with you. Why are the guys not? Maybe because they- Is your dad ugly? No, my dad's not ugly. No, my dad's awesome looking. Your mom was pretty and your dad wasn't just beyond tell me the truth. Well, I'll show you a picture of my dad. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. And you can tell me. And I want to see. Can you grab me a water? Okay, let me bring up his contact photo here. Dad.

Starting point is 00:06:26 Just bring up the best photo you have of your dad. Well, this is here. Look, I'm showing you. Oh no, he's a handsome cat. He is a handsome cat. Nice lettuce on him. Good smile. Nice lettuce? His hair. Oh, is that what that is? Good lettuce, good smile.

Starting point is 00:06:42 Aww. I like that guy. Yeah, he's a good guy. Let me see your mom. Show me the factory that made you. I want good smile? I like that guy. Yeah, let me see your mom Show me the factory that made you I want to know how the sausage was made. I don't have a recent picture of my mom You can just come here I only have You don't have a recent photo your mom do you not see do you not talk to your parents I mean my because my Your contact photo in the comedy scene. That's why you became an actor Talk to my mommy and daddy anymore.

Starting point is 00:07:08 Oh my god, I'm shaking from my coffee. I'm so titled jitterbugs. I can't find a picture of my mom. Isn't that bad? Isn't that so the Alberta Girl way? I would say that's a little unfortunate for you, depending on your relationship. Are your parents still together? No. Yeah, duh.

Starting point is 00:07:23 That's why you're so good. Okay, all I can find is an? That's why you're so good. Okay, all I can find is an old picture, but you're gonna get so horny for this. It's my mom and her two sisters and they're all topless. Pop me off. Whoa, dude. For the viewers at home- Can you guess which one is-

Starting point is 00:07:38 They take sorrow. Can you guess which one is mine? How funny if it was one of these beautiful portraits and their tits were out in this photo would be fucking amazing. For the listeners, they are topless but it's tasteful. It's like a studio picture. Will you send this to me so I can show the audience? No. Why not?

Starting point is 00:07:55 Fucking freak, give me that. This is not, it's a PG. You're not a freak, you're a fucking freak, give it to me. It's a PG photo. Help, help. Okay, okay, calm down, Jesus Christ. Wait, let me guess, your mom mom is you asked me to guess yeah I guess the Puerto Rican girl at the bottom

Starting point is 00:08:08 No, your mom is actually the top left. No. No, it's that one right there. Yeah You know how I can tell you couldn't tell so you have this no I guess the wrong one so you have the same beauty mark She has the same thing No, she doesn't you're out of your fucking mind. Show me a picture of your mom so I can a wuga wuga. Oh sorry I was actually just informed before the podcast started I'm sorry. I'll show you my mom. You want to see my mom pal? I'll show you my fucking mom bud. How come you get a little carpet with your face on it but I don't have one here to put my feet on? Nobody wanted to make it I asked if anybody wanted to make a picture

Starting point is 00:08:44 of your face and they were all like, no thanks. Which I thought was a little rude. So do you have that so that when people ask you, does the carpet match the drapes, you can say, yeah, photorealistic? I have hardwood floors. Carpet in your basement? That's insane.

Starting point is 00:08:56 You have hardwood floors? Oh, so you got burned bad. And things are shiny. Third degree. Let me see. I'm going to find you me see, I'm gonna find you my mom, I wanna find you a girl in my mom that she would approve. My parents are gotta be older than yours. So she wouldn't approve of, she gets a little,

Starting point is 00:09:13 you know what I mean? Mommy gets a little insecure. Wait, so. That's my mom. So you lied to me. You lied to me? I don't know if I should let you have my phone now. Why? You screamed help as loud as you can like a fucking?

Starting point is 00:09:27 Nonsensical pervert because you wouldn't give it back you can scream help if I don't give this one I don't want to fucking scream um your mom is gorgeous. Yeah, this duo wait So you lied to me right before we started you said you my parents are alive. Yeah, okay If I mean yeah, there's a person seen at your front door Gross, I hate that let's see who it is Get away! See you did exactly what I did. Get away! Yeah she's a she's my mom is a beautiful beautiful woman. She is a beautiful woman. Gorgeous. That's why. And what about your dad?

Starting point is 00:09:56 How's the like what are we talking about the are they both gorgeous? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dot dot dot, exclamation mark, question mark, question mark, question mark. I'm from Alberta. My dad is a big tall Sicilian guy. Daddy was a big tall Sicilian guy. Yeah, that Jim Croce? On the East Side of Chicago. Daddy was a big tall Sicilian guy. Oh Mexico. Don't know it.

Starting point is 00:10:20 James Taylor. No. Back it up. I'm a fan of yours. For people that don't know who you are,. No. Back it up. I'm a fan of yours for people that don't know who you are that are listening right now. You're an incredible and talented sketch performer, improver, actor, comedian, writer, an old henna artist.

Starting point is 00:10:39 I know you did henna tattoos for years and years and years. Years. On Venice Boulevard. Yeah. And I think the transition from doing henna to getting more in comedy is kind of, that was the... Well, that's the pipeline, right? When you moved to LA, you usually start doing henna

Starting point is 00:10:51 on the boulevard. Henna or you sell rap CDs. I sold rap CDs for a couple years. Did you? Yeah, for about six or seven years. Were you just a boy? I just smacked my, yo, yo, yo, yo, you like hip hop? I would do that all over the boulevard.

Starting point is 00:11:02 There's a little boy on the boulevard who sings, and I think his dad is quite mean. No, no, dude he wants to sing. No, I don't think he wants to. Do you live on the west side? No. Yeah. I sometimes go dip my toe in the ocean.

Starting point is 00:11:13 Do you? I've been in Los Angeles for almost 20 years and I haven't been to the beach in over 10. We gotta go man. No thanks. We gotta dip our toes in the sand, man. We gotta put our bikinis on and enjoy life for once. Coconuts? Huh?

Starting point is 00:11:30 Wouldn't that be good? I have zero interest in going to the beach. These beaches are the worst beaches. You know who you sound like? The dad at the beginning of a Disney movie who doesn't like- I have zero interest in going to the beach. You're like, bah, bah humbug, you boys go to the beach, I'll be here with my briefcase. What ends up happening? He's like, dad, you missed my big baseball going to the beach. You're like, bah, bah humbug, you boys go to the beach, I'll be here with my briefcase.

Starting point is 00:11:45 What ends up happening? Dad gets kidnapped? He's like, Dad, you missed my big baseball game at the beach. Why were you guys playing at the beach again, son? You couldn't play at a baseball field? It's Aqua baseball, Dad! We splished and splashed for a home run. And I looked for you in the sand, and you weren't there. I'll be there next week, I promise. You always say that. You know, Mom's got a new boyfriend. You think I don't know that?

Starting point is 00:12:05 His name's Dougie and he comes to our games. He's our new coach. Really? Does your Mom and Dougie ever hang out after the games? Yeah, they take us for ice cream. It's the best. And then what do you guys do? We go home, we have family dinner.

Starting point is 00:12:20 All the stuff that you said you'd do, but you were working. After family dinner, does Dougie go home? No, he sleeps in the bed upstairs with mom. Really? You ever hear them building anything late at night? I mean, sure, there's lots of bangs and booms, but that's just normal. Like fireworks or like?

Starting point is 00:12:36 Dougie says it's called Dougie's Old Thunder Lightning. And it shakes the house. It's awesome, Dad. You should come over sometime and see it. Maybe I should. Dad's a cuck on Disney Just me standing in the corner watching them go dog go Cucks are what they call Canadians No cucks are what they call when you you set up your significant other to have sex with someone in front of you

Starting point is 00:12:59 No, the Vancouver hockey team is called the Cucks Canucks Pretty sure it's Cucks. Canucks. Pretty sure it's Cucks. Vancouver Canucks. Vancouver Cucks. Okay. Okay. Cuckucks? Cuckucks. This is because you're an Euler fan. Yeah. Are you really an Edmonton Euler fan?

Starting point is 00:13:14 Or you're a Foamy? Let me ensure. We got Connor McDavid. Name three players. Connor McDavid. And? Dry Saddle. And? McCloud. Oh, this is awful. Yeah, McCloud, yeah, very good. That's three, You need more? I don't know what fucking shirt are you wearing. Name the songs from the band!

Starting point is 00:13:30 This is Uncle Polly's deli. Okay, name three sandwiches. You fucking idiot. The Godfather, the OG, and the Italian. What kind of meat are in those? Balls. See? He doesn't even fucking know. Yo, I'm a big guy. wear my sandwich t-shirt also the girls think I'm cool, but I can't name any of the sandwiches. You're so fucking stupid it's crazy.

Starting point is 00:13:54 What's your hat? Malbon? What's that the cigarettes you smoke? Gotcha there. Malbon blues, yeah, this is the smokes I smoke. Malbon lights? No, they're heavies. I don't know what Malbon is. It looks like a golf thing because it's written in a rich man's font. Fault?

Starting point is 00:14:09 Goddard. Loser, idiot, fuckhead. Sleep on that, dork. Goddard. That'll keep you up all night. Is that a golf hat? Yeah, it's a golf company. So you golf, huh?

Starting point is 00:14:17 Love it. You whiz balls? I be whizzing the balls. Is it okay to celebrate if you hit a really awesome ball or is it is that not golf etiquette? No, that's golf. I don't know anything about golf. You wouldn't scream like you did before but you'd you wouldn't scream help help help No, it's not really part of the golf game, but you would do like a Give me an etiquette quiz like here's the situation you're golfing and blah blah blah blah What do you do if the person you know something like that?

Starting point is 00:14:47 You you and I are playing golf we both hit off the tee and then we walk up to our ball and mines in front of mines beyond yours longer but did you go first did I go first it doesn't really matter yeah but who's if my balls up there and yours is here who hits first the one who's the one who's the longer drive or the shorter drive I'm gonna guess the longer drive because I might doink you in the head or yeah let's stay back here so that I won't doink anyone and then we hit yours first. Yeah, that's right Okay, so we go back to yours. We hit yours first, then we go up to mine What do you mean back to mine as if I hit mine?

Starting point is 00:15:13 We I'm saying we walk up to yours. We're at yours you hit and then we go up to mine Okay, you said go back as if I had actually hit mine the wrong way Which I didn't cuz I know how to play you know, you do know how to play You know what? I didn't know that I just learned. Mm-hmm. Is that the whole moves? The whole moves not during the play. I know what I didn't know that I just learned? Is that the hole moves. The hole moves not during the play. I know, but I didn't know that. I thought it was like, this girl on TikTok was like, my boyfriend goes golfing all the time and he said,

Starting point is 00:15:32 the green was really hard today. And she was like, what do you mean? You play this course every weekend. And he was like, they moved the hole. Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every night, there are a team of little people, LPs,

Starting point is 00:15:44 and they come out of the trees. I don't know if you know that, but they have subsidized housing in the trees on golf courses for LPs, and they come out and they move the holes. And that's the best part, they don't communicate with anybody about where it's going or how they do it. But they have to communicate with each other, otherwise there'd be a big war. Well yeah, but I don't know what language they speak. I mean, I've never heard them.

Starting point is 00:16:03 You'll never see them. You've never stayed up that late I've tried, but I fall asleep every fucking time not even on on golf big golf Eve on big golf Eve on BGE I'm typically tucked in by 1130. I don't think they come out to one or two leave a snack out for the little people Yeah, what's the kind of traditional snack that they eat? Well, it's changed over the years because of you know The internet has gotten a hold of what they you know they've judged what we used to put out there. Okay. But now in this current day and age it's Werther's originals is what they really like. The little caramel Werther's

Starting point is 00:16:36 originals. Oh yeah. Yeah I don't know I think cuz maybe they're they just like that old-school flavor of grandma's house I think it's got that warm fuzzy. That's interesting so you think that's got that warm, fuzzy... That's interesting. So you think that a Werther's Original tastes like a house? Yeah. Tastes like Grandma's house. What part? Like carpet, wall? My whole, my grandmother's entire home was made of Werther's Originals. Oh! You had a candy grandma.

Starting point is 00:16:57 Mm-hmm. Candy grandma. Little tiny candy grandma. That's beautiful. Hard legs. Big head. Grandma. Little tiny candy grandma. That's beautiful. Hard legs. Big head. Crap, crap, crap.

Starting point is 00:17:10 Crap, crap, crap. OK, so wait, I want to ask you, it's so funny, man. It's so nice to meet you, because I really am a fan. What are you doing on Chinese Insider? What the fuck are you doing on Hulu, man? Is this a Hulu collab? What are you doing on Chinese Insider? Yeah, I saw you have a Hulu special coming out. Chinese Insider doing on Hulu man where is this a Hulu collab what are you doing on Chinese insider yeah I saw you have a Hulu special coming out Chinese insiders on Hulu as well what's the name of your show again

Starting point is 00:17:30 interior Chinatown get a new name it's terrible honestly interior Chinatown embarrassing on so many levels it's supposed to be like the heading of a script half the people on there aren't even Chinese yeah some of them are most of them are that most of them are. That's awful, dude. That's awful. I'm calling Hulu. Don't, please don't call him.

Starting point is 00:17:49 No, I'm gonna, I'm getting you off the show. Please don't call him. Interior Chinatown is on Hulu with some of our good friends, Jimmy O. Yang and Ronnie Chang. Love, love. Chloe Bennett, who is also on Dave with me. Love. Sullivan Jones, don't know him.

Starting point is 00:18:02 Lisa Gilroy, sucks! Chow Long, love. Chao Long, love. Archie Ko, love. Zi Ma, love. Diana Lin, love. Annie Chang, owes me money. Chris Pang, owes Chang money. Spencer Neville.

Starting point is 00:18:20 And Michael Hardy and the rest of people. Spencer Neville. Neville was Aaron Neville. Neville, but it's a long bottom Do you like doing the show of mostly Asians and you? Yeah, I could ask you the same question. I only do my show with one Asian. You're doing it with a lot. That's 50% Yeah, so do you consider yourself a minority on that show? Because Bobby's so much funnier and like a bigger personality than you. Wow. Harmful, harmful, harmful.

Starting point is 00:18:48 Bobby is funny if you like that kind of stuff. Well you must. I enjoy it. What's your favorite thing about Bobby? I would say making money off of him. Oh. Does he know you're doing that? Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm. He does know.

Starting point is 00:19:06 Blast it! No, it is really fun. I mean, I wish he was Japanese, but Korean isn't bad. Have you been to Japan? Oh, yeah. Me too. Where? One, two, three, Tokyo.

Starting point is 00:19:19 Tokyo! One, two, three, Kyoto! One, two, three, Okinawa! Ishigake! Wait! Ishigake is Okinawa. I didn't know that. Ishigake is a little island on, in, Okinawa! Ishigake! Wait, Ishigake is Okinawa. I didn't know that. Ishigake is a little island on, in the Okinawan island chains.

Starting point is 00:19:29 You didn't go down there, I know you didn't. I went to Okinawa. No you didn't. Yeah I literally did. What city? One, two, three. One, two, three, Okinawa. Liar.

Starting point is 00:19:38 Wait, I actually did though. You did go to the Okinawan islands? Yes, I stayed in a resort. This was like the end of the trip when I was really... You were filming or fun? Fun. Fun. Fun? Two idiot slip-ups.

Starting point is 00:19:49 Make sure we get both of those and loop them forever. No, no, no, no, delete, delete, delete, undo, edit, undo, undo, undo, reverse. So you went for fun? Did you go with a group of friends? Did you go with family? I just went with my husband. You just went with your husband? And we stayed at a resort in Okinawa and why can't I...

Starting point is 00:20:03 Oh, well the resort was called Halukule... Halukulani. Oh, Halukulani. You ever been there? Halukali or more like, sounds like. More like, sounds like fart. Don't do the fart stuff on this. This is a family show. You did that.

Starting point is 00:20:17 I didn't fart. You stuck out your tongue as if you were going to. No, I have a... Plus you have farts seeping out of your ass this whole time. It's toxic in here, help me! Jesus Christ, bud. We're gonna have to cut all that stuff of your ass this whole time. It's toxic in here, help me! We're gonna have to cut all that stuff. This is a family show. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:20:29 So you and your husband went to Japan and you were there for how long? Like 12 days. That's good. That's a good amount of time. Five in Tokyo, four or so in Kyoto and then just about. Yeah, you were our travel agent. You booked the booked the whole thing you planned it. Mm-hmm So yeah, it was a good amount of time. Well, I didn't know if you guys changed the plans I mean, I just set it up you don't have to stick to the schedule if you don't want to yeah Yeah, did you go eat at hero dreams of sushi? Of course you went to euros, didn't ya? No, no, no, I'm not a sellout. I went to other places you fucking American. Oh, where'd you go? Tokyo Disney you fucking loser That's you.

Starting point is 00:21:07 Dude, I did not- Every day you're like that. No. Every day you're like that. Big deal. Oh. Japanese Mickey is my guy, dude. I love Japanese Mickey.

Starting point is 00:21:18 Did you even get to meet him? Yeah. I'm in a rover with a Minnie! What? And I say, come here. That's what he says. I'm in a rover with a Minnie! What? That's Japanese Mickey. I'm in a Rover with a Mini! And I say, come here! That's what he says. I'm in a Rover with a Mini! What? That's Japanese Mickey.

Starting point is 00:21:26 I'm in a Rover with a Mini! Great to see you! No. Welcome to Disney World! No. That's what he says. Don't get mad. First of all, the mask...

Starting point is 00:21:36 Stop. You're afraid of getting in trouble with Interior China. That's the problem. And let me tell you something. You're gonna get kicked off Interior China after doing this show. Well, the season's already done. It's already over. You got another one on the way. It's a limited series. It got picked up.

Starting point is 00:21:46 It's a limited series. It got picked up. It did? Ronnie Chien called me today. What? He goes, tell Gilroy we got picked up. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:51 Hmm. Um, the mascots don't talk, and you should know that. Okay? No, because I'm not a Disney loser like you. Fucking nerd. Loser, nerd, idiot, dork. You've been to Disney before. How fat is your husband? How fat's your husband? Skinny is a little mouse. He's a little skinny mini girl, dude

Starting point is 00:22:15 He's a skinny mini. How long you been married? Long time. Really? Yeah Do you have do you have papitos? You married? Eight years. Do you have do you have little papitos? No, you don't have any? Do you? married? Do you have papitos? You married? Eight years. Do you have little papitos? No. You don't have any? Do you? No.

Starting point is 00:22:30 Do you have pets? Hmm? What do you...oh you said that like you're hungry for them. Are you going to boil one up for Thanksgiving? She's my little sweetie princess. Who is she? What is she? What's the song you sing to your dog when you walk in the door?

Starting point is 00:22:39 I have a cat. Well this show's over. No it's not. You have two cats? Show's just getting started, Bobby. You have two cats? Show's just getting started, Bobby. You have two cats? One cat. You have one?

Starting point is 00:22:48 What's it called? Moose. Oh, I like that. What's your girl dog? Her name's Cubby. Cubby. And you don't sing to your cat? I sing to my cat all the time.

Starting point is 00:22:56 Give me a song. I don't have any, like, ones with... I don't think I have any ones with lyrics. Mine is in the vein of Extra Extra, you know the news boy thing, you know extra extra. Extra extra. Read all, yeah. Sure. Mine is cubster pubster, read all about her, she's the best little pup in the world.

Starting point is 00:23:16 Those are two kisses she gets. Oh cute. Right on her fucking snoozle. So you have to kind of be holding her when you sing the song? Yeah I'm always holding her dude, when I walk in I'm picking her up and I'm holding her. Does she ever pee on you? Twice. In your life?

Starting point is 00:23:27 Or twice a day? Twice a day. Once in the morning, once at night. I got peed on recently by a dog at a bar. Someone brought their dog and I was like, I'm really excited, I love all of God's creatures. You know, I don't pick between cats and dogs. Yeah, I don't either.

Starting point is 00:23:38 I think they're all great, that's wonderful. I just think, you know, it's easier to sing to a dog because sometimes cats don't want you around. Well, cats- Dogs always want to be there, they greet you at the door. a dog, because sometimes cats don't want you around. Well, cats- Dogs always want to be there, they greet you at the door. Cats don't, sometimes they don't care that you're home. Depending on which cat kind of cat you have. My cat always comes to the door.

Starting point is 00:23:52 What do you have, a Russian Blue? No, I have just like a garbage cat. What's the fancy cat? Somebody told me about him last night. Yeah, that Russian Blue sounds very fancy. That's the fancy one, and what's the other one? Mankoon. No, what's the one with like very distinct ears?

Starting point is 00:24:02 It always looks like the meme of a cat online Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. You know what I mean. Yeah, someone just told me it's almost like a Star Wars Yes, yeah, I don't know what it's called But yeah, someone told me yesterday on the phone a friend was like Oh, I went to this girl's house and she had that and I was like, oh wow Why did you say somebody told me this yesterday on the phone? You wanted me to know the conversation didn't have an impulsive. Well, cuz I was about to say who and then I thought that's not okay It's not my business to talk about somebody else's name.

Starting point is 00:24:25 So you thought it would stop me from asking who your friend was if you said you talked to them? Well, I tell you I can't. Who is it? We got Devon Rex, Bangalore. Devon Rex. Devon Rex is the one? I don't think so. That's the one with the little short curly hair. No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:24:36 British short hair, Maine Coon, Scottish Fold. Scottish Fold. Scottish Fold, yeah. That was it. No, my cat kind of looks like a Maine Coon, but he's just from the garbage. But he's so cute. You got him on the street? Yeah, that was it. No my cat kind of looks like a man-couple, but he's just from the garbage He's so cute. You got him on the street. Yeah, and I I don't have a song for him, but I talked to him like Like a minion almost yeah, where does moose come from? He's a that like that's a name well

Starting point is 00:24:57 It's a Canadian animal one of our national get out here, and he has really long whiskers that look like antlers so that's kind of a good There's your husband connect connect as well. Yeah, where's Cubby come from? My buddy's ex-fiance Oh, let's get into it. Okay. What happened there? The fans are dying to know now We heard fiance and we heard ex-fiance. So what's the deal break it down? So who cheated on who she fucked him or or he fucked, he fucked somebody's stepdad who's in the mix. She died in a tragic car accident.

Starting point is 00:25:32 On the day of the wedding. She died in a tragic car accident on the day of the wedding. I'm so sorry. That's okay. Wasn't mine. The baby? So where did the name Cubby come from? I'm from Chicago. Oh, awesome.

Starting point is 00:25:59 Chicago Cubs. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, let's be real guys guys. Wearing nice pants sucks, all right? Whoever decided that stiff, uncomfortable slacks were the way to go crunches up your family jewels, all right? Well, those days are done now. That public recs Daymaker pants are here to make sure you stay comfy, baby, all day long.

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Starting point is 00:28:53 S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando. Ginger. I like gingers. My buddy's ex was getting furniture made in downtown Los Angeles. She went to the furniture maker and the gentleman said, hey, this dog came in and had puppies. I don't want these fucking things.

Starting point is 00:29:16 Came into the furniture store. Came into the warehouse. Just ding-ling-ling-ling. It came in to give birth because it was cold. And so it gave birth inside the furniture makers like where studio and Then it left the puppies and usually that means She's on the run from the law Yeah, when dogs when mother dogs leave their puppies are on the run from the law

Starting point is 00:29:36 when mother dogs so she left all these dogs and the guy says I don't want these fucking dogs and She said she's a warm hearted, beautiful individual and she took a, she's like, well, I can try to house these for you, I'll find. And she grabbed one and put them up on Instagram and was like, does anybody want these goddamn dogs? They're downtown in this thing

Starting point is 00:29:55 and I don't want them to die down there. And I was working a job and I saw it online and I thought, oh my fucking God. And I called my lady, I said, we got a dog coming over to the house just to say hello. Just to say hello, nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. Just a visit.

Starting point is 00:30:09 And then of course, I was the one that was like, we don't have to keep, we'll just, let's talk about it. Let's not commit to it tonight. Let's just talk. And then I got there and then she never left. And I was like, we gotta keep this dog. It was like such a cutesy pootsy. She was so tiny and she had worms.

Starting point is 00:30:27 Wait, your girlfriend or the dog? Both. Oh, God. I had warm ones. What came first? The chicken or the egg? Who do you think gave her the worms? So true.

Starting point is 00:30:36 Sick! She had worms and she was pooping out worms and I thought she ate a wire because the worms look like a computer wire. Like it looks like a cat five wire and I was like, oh my God, she fucking chewed through a wire because the worms look like a computer wire, like it looks like a cat five wire, and I was like, oh my God, she fucking chewed through a wire in the office. And then one of the office,

Starting point is 00:30:50 I was looking at all the wires, there's no wires. And then I looked behind the TV and there's just worms all over the place, everywhere. So then it was served. So your TV was made of worms? Yeah. Whoa, that's actually crazy. Yeah, worm TV.

Starting point is 00:31:01 So how was the TV turning on? Yeah, you don't need to watch it, you just need to imagine, use your brain. Oh, so you've never turned your TV on? Never, ever, never watched TV. That's is the TV turning on? Yeah, you don't need to watch it, you just need to imagine, use your brain. Oh, so you've never turned your TV on? Never, ever, never watched TV. That's what I told you before the show. I've never seen an episode of Friends. No interest. Too scary, it would feel too real. Too many, too many whites, too many whites, we'll be right back with too many whites.

Starting point is 00:31:21 That was Seinfeld's original theme song and they got rid of it. Oh, too many whites, ah, too many whites ah too many whites ah Rachel Phoebe Joey Kramer and George and Elaine Elaine it was a combo show. Do you like Jerry Seinfeld or no? Do you hate him? Like a combo show? Yeah, it's a combo show McDonald's McDonald's Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut Wait, it's Taco Bell and KFC, isn't that right? Sure. I don't go to that one as often.

Starting point is 00:31:49 You don't eat fast food? Sometimes. Actually a lot. I probably have McDonald's like once a week. Are you under- Bad gal, bad gal-ree-ree. Are you under 30? No. Wow. And you can eat fast food that often and be fine. Hehehe, yep! Someone's got good genes.

Starting point is 00:32:06 Not those, those are shit. Thanks, made well. When you were growing up and you had fast food, what was it? It was just whatever my dad could get from the chow line. We were on government cheese. Did you have an angry dad? No, my father was in prison when I was a kid.

Starting point is 00:32:22 Is that true? Mm-hmm. Did you- I had a stepdad who raised me. Oh, did you get to do telephone talk with your prison when I was a kid. Is that true? Mm-hmm. Did you I had a stepdad? Who's a great who raised me? Oh, did you get to do telephone talk with your dad? I did. Yeah I've always wanted to do. Yeah, that was awesome. That's not so fun. Yeah, it was a cool point of my life Was it really taking phone calls from prison seems so fun? Yeah, it really was happy. Yeah. Yeah when he never showed up I thought because I would have thought it would be sad, but I'm no no no I was stoked Yeah, oh, that's cool. Yeah, cuz you get to like ride all the way there

Starting point is 00:32:43 Yeah, what is your dad do? He picks you up from school? My dad's gonna call me from prison in an hour and a half. Jealous. Yeah, huge. Huge W for the boy. That's so cool. Yeah, cried every night. Cried every night, still do.

Starting point is 00:32:54 He would call me, and I think I've told this story before, but it was funny. He would call and my mother sometimes wouldn't accept the collect call. So he would leave what he wanted to say in the time where you're supposed to say your name. At a baby, it's a boy. At a baby, it's a boy. a baby It's a boy you ever seen that commercial. Oh, yeah, tell him it's Bob add a baby. It's a boy

Starting point is 00:33:09 I never what it was that from maybe it was a Canadian commercial was a big popular commercial for like a phone provider No, it sounds familiar That please save your name Bob add a baby. It's a boy and they go Bob. They had a baby It's a boy because he didn't want to pay for a call exactly but my I used to go This is a collect call from Cook County prison inmate for three nine seven two Dude, and then you would leave your name and go it's so and so but instead because he knew he'd get rejected. Yeah He'd be like hey, what's up? It's me. I just want to tell you that I love you. I'll talk to you soon Oh, that's nice, and that's all you really need to say in a phone call

Starting point is 00:33:44 Yeah, yeah. And my mom was like, not taking call-out calls from that guy. But would she pass along the message or you would hear that part? I would hear it. I've heard it before, yeah, multiple times. But he fixed his life, he got his life together. That's great.

Starting point is 00:33:56 He's good, yeah, he leveled out. Does he golf? He does, he actually does. Did you ever read the book, Bad Golf My Way by Leslie Nielsen? No, but I love that guy. It's a hilarious coffee table book. Bad Golf My Way? Oh yeah. way by Leslie Nielsen? No, but I love the various coffee table book bad golf my way. Oh, yeah I love you love it man him. He's one of those guys from

Starting point is 00:34:12 those days of like real Try it try anything comedy, I wish we made movies like that a little bit more. Why don't we do that? I don't know try anything comedy. Why don't why don't why isn't there? Why isn't we do that? Why don't we try anything comedy? Why don't why don't why isn't there? Why isn't that? Why isn't that? Why isn't that anymore? I know you know why? Everybody wants to be on Marvel Is that what it is? Every movie gotta be a superhero IP Okay, well, what's a superhero that hasn't had a movie yet?

Starting point is 00:34:41 Maybe we can do that and we can make it into a bad golf my way kind of movie. The problem is a lot of the superheroes that haven't made it yet are ones that aren't socially acceptable anymore. Just you know, their actions. What's their superpower? You know the Gropy Pope? Have you heard, you know that guy? Oh, Gropy Poperson. Yeah, and he would go around and he's like,

Starting point is 00:35:02 come here, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Yeah, but he could fly, which was cool. That was kind of cool. It was just his, you know... He'd say, I'll take your tits to the moon! And he'd grab you and then he'd blast off. Gropy Poperson. The superpower was that he could move parishes

Starting point is 00:35:18 without anybody knowing. Oh. The Gropy Poperson. I don't remember him. What about the Powerpuff Girls? Are those Marvel? No, idiot. You can't reach that far.

Starting point is 00:35:32 You can lean forward. You can move away from the mic for a second and put it down. No, I need this. Chug, chug, chug, chug. It's too cold. Do you drink or do drugs? Yeah, both. What are your favorite drugs?

Starting point is 00:35:42 Well, I'm not really allowed to say. Why? Because I'm not a fan of the cold water. I don't like cold water. I don't like cold water. I don't like cold cold. I don't like cold water. Do you drink or do drugs? Yeah, both. What are your favorite drugs? Well, I'm not really allowed to say. Why? Because I'm not a- Because I'm a network girl now! I don't wanna cross the line!

Starting point is 00:35:52 I'm not a network girl. You're a Disney kid. I'm a Disney kid. Yeah. You're watching Treehouse! Is that a Canadian network or American? That's gotta be you guys. I don't know what the fuck that is.

Starting point is 00:36:02 Well, you're not allowed to say what drugs you use in the fear of someone will get mad at you for using drugs? Yes. Loser. But guess who I'm worried about? Disney? The government of the United States, because I'm not a citizen yet. So my lawyer told me that I can't be like, flapping my gabber about all the drugs that I fucking suck and inject and snort and gobble. All those jagging and snortin and fucking and suckin drugs

Starting point is 00:36:26 You can't say anything about them exactly no we have the freedom of speech here You're allowed to say whatever you want this country No, because it could in our country in our country our prime minister doesn't get in blackface and deny it years later He owns it so you agree you have a prime minister we do We have two of them Michelle and and Barack No, they're both a bottle and Obama no no that's. Obama. No, they're both Obama's. Michelle and Obama. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:36:48 Michelle and Obama. That's rude to Michelle Obama. Do you know what Obama's nickname was when he was just a little kid? Big dog. Barry. The big B. Barry, isn't that cute? Barry. Barry. There go Barry. Hey Barry! How funny a little kid is like, I'm gonna be president one day. It's like, okay Barry. Okay Barry.

Starting point is 00:37:04 Back inside. Aw, wouldn't it be cute if it it was Barry like B-E-R-R-Y you're like strawberry like a little tiny baby brambleberry mushrooms I haven't I haven't dabbled to supreme oasis have you ever tried acid no coke. Fentanyl. Mm-mm. Smack. Jack. Chug.

Starting point is 00:37:29 I'll smack you one. Pull. Smack, jack, chug, pull. Chug. Snug. You ever had snug? Freak. Spank.

Starting point is 00:37:37 Oh, you ever had some freak? Some spank-pank freak? Have you ever had brain spank? It's the craziest drug. What is that? You literally never have. You do it like an eye drop, but it comes out your mouth. And then you turn like poop fart,

Starting point is 00:37:46 but not in a gross way. In a cool way. Yeah. Yeah. Your skin turns to fart and your blood turns to poop. Get out of town. That's what you feel like is happening, but to everyone else, you look normal,

Starting point is 00:37:57 and you're acting normal, and you can go to work. It's awesome. Any work? Yeah, and seriously, any work. You look at, so you take it, and then you look at whoever you want and whoever, whatever their job is, you're able to do it. Yeah. So I always go to the courthouse and I take it and I look at a lawyer.

Starting point is 00:38:14 And then I do a day of law. One full day of law? Yeah, I go like, your honor, my client, like stuff like that. And what else? I'll do, objection, your honor. Ooh, what other bits? Objection, your honor, relevance. I'll do that, I'll tack that on sometimes.

Starting point is 00:38:29 Relevance. Relevance, yeah. Or? Or sustained, I'll sustain my own objection. You'll sustain a lot of stuff. Yeah, even though I'm not the judge, I'll tack that on. Objection, your honor, relevance, sustained. I'll do that, kind of as a sentence.

Starting point is 00:38:41 Give them both sides of it. Yeah, to show them that you're kind of multi-based. What kind of job would you like to do if you of as a second. Give them both sides of it. Yeah, to show them that you're kind of multi-based. What kind of job would you like to do if you weren't a comedian? Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Oh, your phone's ringing.

Starting point is 00:38:52 A phone, no, I want to be a phone. If I could be anything, I'd be a phone. Oh. I'd love to be a phone. Why? Someone would finally boop ya? Yeah, I'd like to be booped. Beep boop boop.

Starting point is 00:39:01 Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah. Ha, ha, ha. Hit my belly. What would I be if I wasn't a belly. What would I be if I wasn't a me? What would I be if I wasn't a me? What would you do if you wasn't a you? I'd probably want a franchise. I'd be a franchise owner of restaurants.

Starting point is 00:39:14 Oh. What kind of restaurant? Red Robin. Red Lobster. No, Red Robin. Red Lobster. No, Red Robin. Red Lobster. The Red Lobster CEO says they're gonna increase sales by giving away Cheddar Bay biscuits when you sit down. Cheddar Bay biscuits?

Starting point is 00:39:37 What do you think about this move? Cheddar ain't cheap. Sustained. Isn't that true? What does it say See the new CEO of Red Lobster? I read said that he's gonna because I guess they're And he's gonna revitalize the company, huh? They're tanking. They're tanking. They're caged right now. Let him out Let that company swim. They're sinking. They're sunk and I think they're gonna give away Cheddar Bay biscuits for free as you sit down. That's a big deal, is it not? That's a huge thing. That's kind of jacking, uh, Olive Garden.

Starting point is 00:40:10 That's like McDonald's giving away their fries. Oh, the fr- yeah, I know. But Olive Garden's just giving away what? Flour and water? That's nowhere near the close- Biscuits are flour and water as well. Yeah, but what I'm saying, cheddar? Do you know how expensive cheddar is? It's $50 a block. Sounds like a real fucking Canadian over here. What? Cheddar cheap in America? Yeah, dude, it's free. It's everywhere. Oh, I didn't know it was free.

Starting point is 00:40:28 Yeah, it grows on trees, goon. You don't have cheddar trees up there? No. You don't have any cheddar trees? Is that what they called you in high school? Cheddar tree? This fucking loser! Nobody called you anything in high school because you weren't smart enough to go through with it you got kicked out as a freshman I heard no you don't get

Starting point is 00:40:53 to eat the match no don't fart it out that's not it's a boys club and I'm living in it did you get did you go to college yeah where University of Alberta you went to Albee mm-hmm? University of Alberta. You went to Albie? Mm-hmm. Wow. What'd you graduate with? Don't say performance art. Well, I got two degrees.

Starting point is 00:41:11 What were they? Well, a bachelor of education. Sexist, go ahead. Sexist. Bachelor. Can't it be a bachelorette of education? Oh, totally. Why does it have to be a fucking bachelor?

Starting point is 00:41:22 I thought you were saying bachelor of education is sexist because all girls are teachers. Fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact. Put them up! Where you been? At the podcast studio. Okay, alright, we'll see about that. Bachelor of Education and what else?

Starting point is 00:41:36 Bachelor of Arts. Man, you would have been a fucking great teacher. I was a teacher for a little piece of her hot second. Because you never fucking shut the fuck up. Is that what makes a good teacher? Yeah, that they're always, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Interesting it was showing tell That's a tell a much after I showed I don't know no what if you know yes, I'm a lot of Americans have guns in their homes Yeah, they do it's not wouldn't be the first time a child so the Canadians don't make it sound like you guys don't have guns You guys have a lot of guns. You're not Australia, but the thing about Canada's our guns are so big You can't um you can't have them be a secret. They're like novelty size guns. Our guns are bigger than your guns

Starting point is 00:42:25 It's not a competition. There's no gun in this is and you can fact check this there's no gun in Canada It's smaller than five feet long, so that's why you can't sneak it into a concert You can't do anything bad with it because everyone will see that you have it There I'm not kidding there between five and twelve feet. That's how we keep it. Yeah, that's how we keep it safe It's impossible. You can still hunt with it. No one has five feet guns. Yeah, that's how we keep it safe there. It's impossible. So you can still hunt with it. No one has five feet guns. Yeah, they do. Everyone in Canada. Everyone in Canada has a five foot gun.

Starting point is 00:42:49 Try sneaking that in a purse. You can't. Yes, you can, but what if you're on your buddy's shoulders and you have a trench coat? You can put it right in there. Yeah, but someone will immediately go, that guy's too tall. He must have a gun. Oh, too tall? That's a little fucking discriminatory. How tall are you? Six eight. No, you're not.

Starting point is 00:43:02 Yes, I am. How tall do you think I am? 6'6". I'm only a little bit taller than you. Yeah, only a little bit. You're 6'6". I'm 6'8". Okay. Agree. You're Jordan. I'm LeBron. Isn't it so touching that those guys would play together father and son? Ronnie and daddy. Interesting argument. I don't know. I think it's the most touching thing I've ever heard of. Of all time? It's up there. Well Tom Brady played with his son. Who gives a fuck? Brad Brady. Is that true? No. I don't know

Starting point is 00:43:36 anything about football. His kids are still young. It was, it's a, I think it's a nice moment in sports. Imagine one day you get to podcast with your son. Never gonna have a kid, so never. You don't know that. I do. No you don't. I do, I cut my penis off a couple years ago. There's other ways to have it,

Starting point is 00:43:51 even if your penis is cut off, sometimes blood and goo can come out from there and get on the bedsheets, and if someone sits down they can get pregnant. I cauterized it. That's true. I cauterized the wound, nothing's coming out of there. Kssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Oh, what don't give away my secrets. Okay. Sorry. That's my family recipe, okay? Are you gonna make anything for Thanksgiving? Yeah, we don't do turkey because I don't believe in it. What do you believe in we do a prime rib roast?

Starting point is 00:44:36 Okay for the crew he's coming over to the crib We do prime rib we do some of the fix ins, but we don't do I don't like turkey turkeys fucking dog shit It's trash. Whoa. Turkey is trash. You think it tastes gross? It's a waste. It's a dry meat that takes too long to cook. That's so true. And what's the... I don't even know what the benefit was. This isn't even a... They're like, oh, you have to over-flavor it

Starting point is 00:44:57 and then stuff it with bread to make it good. No, thanks. I'll just get a good piece of meat, and then the fixings are the same. So I like the green green casserole. Check. The glazed carrots, check. Love. Hawaiian rolls, let's go. Gravy, bring it on. Okay, remember everything you just said. Uh-huh. And repeat the tagline after. Green bean casserole, check. Gravy. Bring it on. Casserole. Let's go. That's fun. That is fun. You know I don't like turkey. No one, and it's also, it's the it's the weakest of the meats. Turkey is the weakest of the meats. And I think he

Starting point is 00:45:38 can Google, I think the reason that was a Meisner technique. Yeah. Turkey is the weakest of the meats. Turkey is the weakest of the meats. Thou shall not dust thou. I agree. I would say it's my least favorite meat too, but I guess we've all been duped into thinking it's the thing we're supposed to have. But as a Canuck, you didn't grow up having Thanksgiving, did you? Well, we have Canadian Thanksgiving and it already happened months ago and no one cared.

Starting point is 00:45:59 Yeah, fact. Some people thought that too. I think the reason that we did Turkey, seriously, was because the... This was a government intervention of a dying industry. So they wanted to... Utilize this... This... This fairy tale story of Turkey. Whoa! Your quotations were so weird.

Starting point is 00:46:17 Why do you do it like that? This fairy tale story... We're supposed to go up and down. No, this is up and down. Put one up and then put it down. My fingers can't go all the way up. Put it up it down. My fingers can't go all the way up. Put it up and down. My fingers can't go all the way up.

Starting point is 00:46:27 This is so gross and weird. Don't do that. Sick. Stop that. Yuck. So, what is it? It says it's mainly just because it's cheaper for more meat. Cheaper for more meat.

Starting point is 00:46:35 So more people can afford it. The rumor was that the government got involved and they were like, oh, there's an excess of turkeys and they were trying to help the market and so... Well, they went out, eat rats. Rats are everywhere. Harder to cultivate. No? Way harder to... I used to own a fucking rat farm. What are you saying no? Don't know me. I had a rat farm from 06 to 09. You know how hard this was to keep them contained? They got out.

Starting point is 00:46:55 Where'd they go? Just got out. They went to New York. Oh. Well... Five will go zis. Would you eat a rat if it was so supremely clean and wonderful? Of course, if it was delicious I'd eat anything. I'd eat humans if they fucking did it, right? But what do you mean if it's delicious you did?

Starting point is 00:47:11 You don't know if a rat's delicious or not. You're gonna have to try it then. Yeah, but get me a good chef that can cook it right and I'll try it. No one's trying it, everyone's scared. Same thing with humans, nobody wants to cook people. Cook them. Why are we just throwing them in the ground? Cook them.

Starting point is 00:47:24 What a waste. Cook them! Cook them. Cook them up! are we just throwing them in the ground? Cook them. What a waste. Cook them. Cook them. Cook them up. Yeah, but no, we don't want to. Aunt Betty's gone. Serve her at her funeral. That's too old.

Starting point is 00:47:32 Delicious. I don't want that. I want Aunt Betty. All right, if they die young. If they die young. Yeah. I was born to die young. Eat me.

Starting point is 00:47:41 That's what your lawyer's like. What did he want? The distribution of his wealth will go to his wife and his family, and he wants you all to eat him Well, I was having a conversation with friends the other day where someone was like something something something would you try human? And I was the only one that was like yes, and I I don't think it's like There was a guy on YouTube who got a doctor to take a doink of his muscle leg out of his muscle Yeah, like and put it in a frying pan and fry and cook it and he ate it. It was his own

Starting point is 00:48:07 muscle leg. It was his own calf. That seems weird. Okay. Eat your own seems weird. Well you have to eat your own because no one's gonna let you eat theirs. Oh if you steal a body and you go go. That's dead already Andrew that's gonna make you sick. You don't like bellyache do you? I do actually. Oh. I'm on a diet so I like to clear out as often as possible So eat your own leg yeah, but so I'm saying okay If I'm all white meat I'd rather have dark meat if I gave you a chunk of my leg and we fried it up And I was like it's only what say half an ounce, but it's a mouthful you would you try it yeah?

Starting point is 00:48:38 I would too yeah, I'd want to try it I mean because but why do people think that's so well I imagine your leg would taste good because you eat a lot of fast food So there's a lot of fat content high There's a lot of cholesterol and fat and the salt from french fries lives forever and it goes everywhere mm-hmm That's what they say lives in your in your central nervous system all that salt does it really yeah That's why you said you're jittery from the coffee. That's the salt Jumping around in your bones. Yeah, do you want to be buried you want to be cremated? Cremated. For sure, yeah, I'd love to watch that. Yeah, I think being buried is strange.

Starting point is 00:49:08 Well, what are you gonna do, cream? No. Cream Supreme? Cream Supreme at Taco Bell. This month at Taco Bell. Get some Cream Supreme on your burrito. Smoked for flavor. You want a Santino Cream Supreme?

Starting point is 00:49:20 Cream to the cream. I wanna be put out on a boat. Oh, you want the Viking big flameer? Mm mm-hmm light me up on a boat out to sea Okay Do you know the phrase? Live laugh love yes, yeah, it's written on every wall of my house. I know I see it's around the studio Yeah, you know the phrase are that a pirate you know a pirate go Yeah, do you know the phrase are that a pirate you know what pirates go yeah do you know why they do that oh it's crazy I just learned this why is it real yeah well do you know what a

Starting point is 00:49:53 favorite a pirate's favorite letter is X they're all on Twitter now these pirates no try again I don't know what is it? Say R. Oh you think it'd be R but it's the C. Oh that's good. That's good. Why do they say R? Oh I don't know. I heard something about pirates they wear an eye patch. Do you know why? Hmm. Something something I'm not sure if this is the answer. It's dark down below. No, no, no, it's not for that. It's not for that.

Starting point is 00:50:30 That's called a telescope, periscope? What's that called? Periscope, telescope, periscope, telescope, periscope, telescope, telescope, periscope, periscope.ope telescope. I don't think it's for that I think I heard it's because the downstairs in the boat so dark So then when they go down they switch it so then that eye is accustomed to the darkness and then the other eyes accustomed to The bright up to upper deck. No, it's just if you lost an eye. They put an eye patch on no Why do you think what what they don't all have eye patches?

Starting point is 00:51:03 Not every pile a lot of not every pilot has an eye patch You think but you think there's enough of them that all of our drawings and stuff of pirates have eye patches only the most famous ones Why would why would the most famous ones be missing an eye? Cuz they got no fight And they always go for your eye, and I guess a lot of them are missing hands and have hook hand That's right Cuz they go for your hand because if they go if they point if poke your eye out, they know that you can't sail anymore. That's the whole point. You're supposed to take away their vision.

Starting point is 00:51:28 Well, no. Obviously they can sail because obviously we see them with an eye patch on. If you took out both, the problem is you couldn't get to the other one on time. You got one, you couldn't get the second one. That's the whole fucking point, dude. Oh, you think that's what they were doing with their swords? They're trying to go, boink! Why were they so sharp? Otherwise you'd have a big katana type of blade to just cut through them. You'd have a seven- foot Canadian gun. Thank you! But instead you boink boink! Right.

Starting point is 00:51:48 Cut off their hands in there and you want to blind them so they can't see? Why not just slit their throat and kill them? Huh? Slit, throat, kill. That's way- you're doing eye eye hands. You're a little gruesome, I'm being honest. Slit their throat? Oh, I guess that was a nasty thing to say.

Starting point is 00:52:03 Jesus! Sorry. I think it's like a- Do you want I don't know why yeah what is it both of those are probably fake and they were popularized because of Robert Louis Stevenson's treasure island right for the book that's exactly right both are part saying are and eye patches from the book pop but they it is the the dark but it's a myth, popularized by treasure islands. Nice try, pal. Much like R. Well.

Starting point is 00:52:31 Well, I have a riddle for you. When the two men who landed on the moon were on the moon, they didn't high five each other because they couldn't. Why? Because we faked it. It was made in the Hollywood basement. No, guess again. It was made right here at Warner Brothers.

Starting point is 00:52:43 I've seen the set. Guess again. This is true, this is a real riddle. It's a right here at Warner Brothers. I've seen the set. Guess again. This is true, this is a real riddle. It's a real historical. Two men landed on the moon. And they couldn't high five each other, why? Because they didn't land anywhere near each other. No. They landed on the moon, they couldn't high five.

Starting point is 00:52:59 Why? Gravity. No, not gravity. You get one more guess. They couldn't high-five. I'm saying the two men who actually did land on the moon. Buzz, Lightyear, and Lance Armstrong. Woody. You got a friend in me. They sang that to each other on the moon, you think? You got a friend in me.

Starting point is 00:53:24 Time's a-hard when the road looks double-headed and miles and miles from your nice warm bed. To just remember what your old pal said. You got a friend in me. Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am, big and stronger too. Who is that? Maybe. But none of them will ever love you the way I do. Oh wow.

Starting point is 00:53:57 Just me and you, Andrew. It was because the high five hadn't been invented yet. Fuck I knew it. I knew that. If you knew it, why didn't you say it? It wasn't invented until 86. Oh why didn't you say it? There's no fucking way the high five wasn't invented before that. Yeah, no that's, well actually I think, well why did you say 86?

Starting point is 00:54:21 That sounds right to me. It was either 82 or 86, something like that. High five, invented. 1977. What? Yeah. Okay, well that's still after the- 1977, LA Dodgers.

Starting point is 00:54:31 What a fake idea. Who could clock it that it was invented in that year? People were probably doing it in other parts of the world before you knew. Yeah. You think somewhere in Africa people weren't doing that and we just don't know? We have an exact date, October 2nd, 1977, when Glenn Burke outfielder for the Los Angeles Dodgers gave a guy a high five when they against the Houston Astros

Starting point is 00:54:51 That's when was popularized and then he was like, oh that felt good Yeah, that's so funny to think that until the 70s nobody that that's insane I know it is insane if you think about like it's fake if I think about some little boys Which I do in the 50s playing baseball roll. I'm like what and they are celebrating. How do they celebrate? Oh good job, Tommy Whoopie, but what don't you want to like run to each other and do like do they have a hand shake? I'm sure that's bullshit Just like people used to smack each other on the butt in sports all the time That was like a common thing and now we do it in stand-up when you have a good set they

Starting point is 00:55:21 Smack them right on the butt. Is butt smacking not happening in sports anymore? They took it away. They took it away? The fucking liberals took it away. That's what happens dude. The liberals they take away but we can't butt smack no more. What else can't you do? Oh you can't just run up to a random guy and smooch him.

Starting point is 00:55:40 Oh. That's cause of the liberals. Streaking. That's out. Yeah you can't just wave your peen peen around town. Thanks a lot, Libby's. Wow. Yeah. Bullshit.

Starting point is 00:55:51 You look so much like a puppet when you do that. Bullshit if you ask me. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Soul. Soul's new out of office gummies are perfectly micro-dosed with hemp-derived THC and CBD to give you that any-day, chillin' on the beach vibe. Hey, love it, by the way. The Out of Office gummies are fantastic. They help you get that much-needed me-time, the breakaway, that warm, fuzzy, euphoric feeling that you feel without sending it to the moon. That's what these Out of Office gummies are, that much-needed break that you need. A little something-something to take the edge off, as it were. The Out of office gummies are. A much needed break that you need. A little something something to take the edge off,

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Starting point is 00:58:26 Download the app today and use the code WISKY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Ginger, I like gingers. Do you skateboard? That's from Chris Cole. He's a professional skateboarder. He gave that to you?

Starting point is 00:58:44 Yeah. When I was a kid I used to skateboard. I loved it. Nothing cooler than fucking waxing up a curb, dude. Yeah, I used to skateboard too. Oh, fuck you, dude. I did. No, you didn't.

Starting point is 00:58:55 I got a skateboard from Walmart. Were you goofy or regular? Regular. Yeah, right. You ever looked in the mirror? You goofy foot? No, I'm regular. I didn't skateboard for long though.

Starting point is 00:59:04 Are you a Mongol or do you push regular? You don't know what I'm asking. No. When you're skating, what was your front foot? Your left foot, you were regular, right? Yeah. So your left foot was in front? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:16 Did you push with your right foot back or did you step off and push with your front foot? Step off. Yeah, right, let's go to Mongol. Oh, okay. Then you are a fucking Mongol, that's for sure. No, no, no, it's the term in skating, it's chill. It's okay.

Starting point is 00:59:29 We just know that you'd never have made it as a pro. I never, I didn't skateboard for longer than like a month. I read it in the Alberta Gazette. They were like, Lisa Gilroy tries skating, bails. Bails. Yeah. Well, I had the wrist guards, you know, scared of falling and hurting myself. Helmet? No.

Starting point is 00:59:51 Mouth guard? Mouth guard? No. Oh yeah, you should have had a mouth guard. What am I gonna? Well that's why your teeth are all messed up now. My wrists are gonna hit the ground before my face. Not if you're doing it right.

Starting point is 01:00:01 You may get your hands out of the way, you're not gonna break your wrist. Go face first. Do you skate on the ice? Ice skate? Yeah. Yeah, I grew're doing it right. You may get your hands out of the way, you're not gonna break your wrist. Go face first. Do you skate on the ice? Ice skate? Yeah. Yeah, I grew up doing it. Really? Mid-west, I'm a Chicago kid.

Starting point is 01:00:10 Okay. No, not hockey. I played, I was never good enough to play hockey. You gotta be good on the ice to play hockey. You could have been the puck. No, I auditioned twice. Oh. I wanted to be the water bottle in the goalie net.

Starting point is 01:00:23 That's what I really wanted to be. I'm sure you wanted to be at all the mouths. I just wanted someone to suck on me. Yeah. Still to this day, I'd love to be a water bottle. If you could be any inanimate object, what would you be? Oh, that's a good question. I guess bowling ball.

Starting point is 01:00:39 Taking fingers. What about you? I guess I'd want to be... What would I want to be? Maybe an anal bead? Gorgeous. A community anal bead? Community.

Starting point is 01:00:56 Yeah, I want to get around. You know how they have those little libraries on corners? We should do that for different kind of stuff. Yeah, for sex toys? Sure. It's a big plastic waste to have them all to yourself. It is, and there's also just a grumpy old woman that's checking them in and checking them out. Take one, leave one.

Starting point is 01:01:10 This is three weeks late. Yeah, exactly. Martha. Martha? Just let me have it. Seriously, you're so uptight. Are you using any of these, Martha? No.

Starting point is 01:01:20 They're disgusting. Martha, come on, why do you even run the library then? Because we need to preserve history. Martha, come on, why do you even run the library then? Because we need to preserve history. Martha? Martha, look at me. Martha, open your eyes. Martha. You be naughty.

Starting point is 01:01:35 I'm ripped. Haven't drinking all day. Have you ever gotten so drunk that you threw up? Big time. When was the last time? September. What happened? You were never forgetting? That was my that was my 9-eleven Glug glug glug blah blah. I puked out two planes. Oh Hope not

Starting point is 01:02:02 When was that time I puked? Probably in college. Oh, so you don't like drink too crazy anymore. No, I'm a big drinker. But I don't drink till I throw up. That's fucking absurd. How do you know, like, how do you know what your cutoff is? Let's say you've been drinking that.

Starting point is 01:02:16 When I fall. Oh, if you fall. If I just physically fall down. Yeah, and I'm like, that's it. Drag me home. And they usually have to drag me home. They put me on hooks, drag me out of there. Meet hooks.

Starting point is 01:02:28 The guy from the Apollo, he just whoop, bits me out of there. Are you a big drinker or no? I drink, but I don't know. The older I get, the less I can drink. I mean, I can have like three martinis. That's a good amount. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Yeah, that's good. But no more than that. Does your busman drink? Yeah. Does he like it a lot? No, he's good, but no more than that does your bus been drink. Yeah, does he like it a lot? No, he's usually like driving me around. Oh, he's picking your alcoholic. That's great But I'm like I don't fall but I can't see if I'm like to if you ever see me at a restaurant I've had two martinis. I can't see you like I'm like vision is completely so do you have good vision anyway?

Starting point is 01:03:01 Like Jenny writing do you have contacts in legally blind? Do you think that's why the movies are called that? Legally blonde? Legally blind? Legally blind, that's what the original name was. Yeah, but is it a pun on legally blind? What is legally, what's the joke? The Santa Claus, I get. Well, legal because she wants to be a lawyer and blonde because she is. You know, the Santa Claus, the movie? It took me a really long time to understand it was like the claws, like claws of a contract. The Santa Claus. I'm about to blow your mind if you don't understand stuff like this. Okay tell me more.

Starting point is 01:03:33 What um in Happy Gilmore? Sure. Do you remember the movie? Happy Ligauda! That's it. That's what I was gonna say. Okay. Isn't that funny that we all know that soundbite? Yeah. Why is that? Because it's said in an gonna say. Okay. Isn't that funny that we all know that sound bite? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:45 Why is that? Because it's said in an insane way. Happy look out, huh? Because the line is happy comma look out exclamation mark. Happy look out, huh? Happy look out, huh? And shout out to her, now she's Julie Bowen.

Starting point is 01:03:56 Julie Bowen. People that don't know that sound bite, that's a very, there is something to be said about like the shared comedian thing that we notice those things and I'll say something and someone will go, I've never noticed that in the movie. I'm like, you've never heard that thing in the fucking movie? Right. And it sticks out.

Starting point is 01:04:10 Chubbs. Chubbs. Chubbs in, he's wearing a specific type of clothing the entire film. And hats. Do you know what kind of clothing he's wearing the entire film? I can't even picture Chubbs. Should I Google it quick? No, just don't do that because it'll give it away. Well, do you understand what I'm going? This isn't this is brilliant by by

Starting point is 01:04:29 I don't remember who chubs is in the movie. What? The the big black guy who gets his hand bit off the entire film He got his hand eaten by an alligator something right and what kind of clothing company do you think he wore? Oh? La cost isn't that crazy. He's wearing lacostCost shirts and L'Cost hats the entire film. I learned that on the internet the other day. I thought how brilliant of Sandler to put that in there. Okay, I have another one for you. That's just a sneaky little Easter egg. I have another one.

Starting point is 01:04:53 Megan Markle. Love. Who is a princess now. Okay, settle down. Sir? Love as a redhead? What? Do you know who I'm talking about? Meghan Markle? She's married to the fucking redheaded prince? Do you know who the fuck you're talking about? I thought you were talking about- Catch up dude!

Starting point is 01:05:12 I thought that you thought- Catch up! That's how I die this. Another famous redhead. Catch up. Okay, Meghan Markle. What series was she on before she was a princess? Suits. What do you think that means? What do you think it means? Suits. What do you think that means?

Starting point is 01:05:29 What do you think it means? Suits. Suits as in? Yeah, cards. And? What do you mean? She married the Prince of Wales, and the suit of hearts. Suits as in suits like with ties and jackets.

Starting point is 01:05:43 Yes! And then also lawsuits, suits. and she's big on suing Isn't she? Did you know this yeah, I did you already knew suits and yeah, that's a little easy that one was a little on the nose You know she dated my old manager Your old manager wait this is a young one. She was married to my old manager That's crazy. It's a weird story. It's actually all over the news but he's quiet about it. I don't even know why she'd be blabbing about it. Oh no it's

Starting point is 01:06:10 public knowledge but they were married. When I met him he was just married to her and she... Just married like pop cans on the car and everything? 100%. Clearly they never took those off which is weird he still has them on. Wow. Yeah they were married and then she left him. For Prince. For someone else and then that didn't work out and then she met Fuzzy. Wow. Prince Fuzzy. So did you ever get to meet her. Prince losing his Harry Prince she's married a prince not to have so much a Harry anymore Do you know she ended up marrying Prince Harry more like Prince Baldy Let's do one for the other prince.

Starting point is 01:07:05 Prince will, prince will he take care of his sick wife? Sick wife who's got cancer? Jesus. Thanks for coming on the show. Yeah, thanks for having me. Been incredible. Yeah. You are something special.

Starting point is 01:07:29 You are such a little tickle bug. So plug your show right now. She's on the Chinese Confidential. Interior Chinatown on Hulu. It is a great show. Have you watched it? No. I know it.

Starting point is 01:07:44 And you knew that. I'm not gonna watch that bullshit. It's trash. I don't fucking involve myself in that kind of crap. It's crap. It's liberal media crap. No, I have seen the show. It's actually quite good. I'll watch it for Jimmy. I saw you, I saw you like in shorts once on the street. God bless. What was I up to? I think you were going on a hike because I was going on a hike. I think it must have been where you live. Do you live in the neighborhood?

Starting point is 01:08:09 No. Don't say where we are. Oh you don't. But I think now that I think of it, it's kind of close to here. Oh yeah. Sometimes I go for hikes. I'll go for a little hike. A lot of times if I'm in this neighborhood-

Starting point is 01:08:18 You were dressed like Adam Sandler. Love? You mean the king? Yeah. Who do you mean? The literal king? The literal king is Elvis. He's dead. I only respect him for the rest of my life.

Starting point is 01:08:29 The literal king is Prince Philip. Who's now the king. King Philip. The widow king! The widow king! The widow king! Peerling! Peerling! That kid was so fucking great. He's in prison now. He's in prison.

Starting point is 01:08:43 Were you a funny little boy? Were you a funny little girl? Yeah. Were you an funny little boy? Were you a funny little girl? Yeah. Were you an annoying little girl? Yeah. Are you an annoying big girl? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:51 Nothing changed. Were you an annoying little boy? Yes, oh my God. I'm an annoying big boy. What did you ever get in the most trouble for? That's a good one. That's actually good. Do you have yours already?

Starting point is 01:09:03 I'm trying to think of the most trouble I ever got in. I mean I got I got suspended a lot from school. A lot. One time, me and a bunch of guys, there was a new girl, God I want to say her. Zoe Dishonel? Yeah, she moved in. And me and Damon Waynes Jr. and Max Greenfield. and me and Damon Waynes Jr. and... Max. Max Greenfield. Who else?

Starting point is 01:09:28 Of course, Jake. And Jake, yeah. We all were like fucking with her. Yeah, you were like, let's kill her. And she's like, one day I'll marry one of the home improvement guys. Is that what she sounds like? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:38 One day I'll marry one of the home improvement guys. What are those guys called the try guys the guys the try guys property brother property bro oh yeah they're making their own video game just like the Mario Bros the property bro so horny for twins hmm hmm hmm guy twins yeah girl twins scare me but guy twins are hot what movies is from the movie twins no with DannyVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, it's not. How could we not be brothers?

Starting point is 01:10:08 Okay, isn't that movie kind of fucked up? Isn't there like a million doctors that all give their jizz to one lady and then they make like a superhuman Danny DeVito? Mm-hmm. Is that the premise of that movie? No, the premise of the movie is that they were both orphans and they were adopted by mama.

Starting point is 01:10:23 No. Mama, and they run through a pipe with money mama just killed a man okay what'd you do that was so bad you heard there was a new girl at your school oh there was a new sweet girl on the bus and sweet girl on the bus and we were just goofing with that booty next to us no gross don't say the B word and we were writing stuff on signs just about people on the bus and she was included in the picking making B word and we were writing stuff on signs just about people on the bus And she was included in the picking making fun of and we would hold the signs up to the front of them to the back Of the bus so they could all see the stuff that were written on them

Starting point is 01:10:52 Interesting signs and then a couple of guys left some of those afterwards and then we got in trouble and then what's going on You have sciatica. Um, you know what's happening. My legs falling asleep I have sciatica so I pissed myself so bad that this my whole left leg is soaked in piss. It's all piss? Yeah I can't feel it anymore. Cool. Little piss legs. Anyways, would you you know what's really interesting? We had a bunch of these up here and then we went to the fucking principal's office and I you know you're not supposed to laugh and it feels really good to not laugh you know and you're holding it and it's almost worse. Yeah. He was like for I'm gonna read these off they're so disgusting and for every single one you laugh at is

Starting point is 01:11:24 another day of suspension. And dude, we were loving it. I was dying. I had the most, it was like the most fun I've ever had. Listen to the principal be like, Mike Lowfield is a fat loser. It's just like him reading. I was like, why would you do that?

Starting point is 01:11:39 But he- Wait, I'm so confused. You wrote these on the signs and you're holding it up for what? We held it up to tease her at the beginning and then we started going after everyone on the bus Oh, so you were hoping that whoever you wrote, but you're at the back of the bus I'm assuming we're in the front of the bus. So the whole back and see it You're giving a PowerPoint presentation on yeah, I'm teasing our friends. Yeah, but we were teasing everybody

Starting point is 01:11:56 But she really fun, but she I think snitch because she was embarrassed that she was a part of the but it wasn't just at her It was that a lot of people were getting... We just wrote names and wrote nasty shit. And then she's the one that went to the principal and then was like, these boys are teasing me. Also, we teased all of us. Everyone was written on the... it was a bunch of people on the side. But we got in some deep fucking... that was bad. That was like a six-day suspension for me for vulgarity on the bus or whatever the fuck they... whatever term. My dad was actually like, what the fuck did you do? And I told him and he was like, what? I've been to prison and that's more fucked up

Starting point is 01:12:28 than anything I ever did. No, my stepdad, my stepdad was like almost annoyed cause it wasn't a worthwhile suspension. He's like, that's not a, if you're gonna get suspended, do something real. He was like embarrassed that that's why I got suspended. He's like, what a lame way to get suspended. You know what's really funny is,

Starting point is 01:12:44 this is not the most trouble I've ever been in, but I did get kicked out of class and I had to have my parents come in to talk to the teacher over also a sign making thing. What did you do? That in my, we had Mr. Jensen was our math teacher and he used to say way all the time for some reason. Like, like, like if he was doing an equation on the board, he would go in a, in what way would this be way, whatever he talked like that. Fuck you, Jensen. So then I had a piece of paper that I turned over to the blank side and I wrote way in what way would this be way whatever he talked like that fuck you Jen so then I had a piece of paper that I turned over the blank side and I wrote way and really big letters like whay and then every time he said it out hold it

Starting point is 01:13:12 up and the class would laugh and I put it down and hold it up and he couldn't see what was happening awesome and then finally he caught on to what was happening he marched over and he ripped it out of my hands and then I got kicked out of class and then he called my parents and they had to come in for a meeting and then at The meeting he said Lisa in class every time I'm teaching she holds up a sign that says howdy He thought the sign said howdy what so fucking stupid. What would the joke even be?

Starting point is 01:13:35 I don't know. He just thought I was holding a sign that said howdy and everyone was losing their minds Did you never validate you weren't like don't do that. Oh, yeah, that's what I was doing. It was howdy. Yeah. Yeah sure cowboy Yeah, that's what it was I told do it. I was just like, oh yeah, that's what I was doing. It was howdy. Yeah, yeah, sure cowboy. Yeah, that's what it was. And then afterwards I told my parents, I was like, it was actually Hue. He's so fucking stupid. And they loved it. Where they were like, that's cool. Yeah, they were like, that's actually iconic.

Starting point is 01:13:51 Is that the only time you got suspended? Or kicked out? Yeah, I got kicked out of class a lot. I think I had like attention problems. For this. Why was it? Old yapbers. When your parents got divorced, how old were you? Huh?

Starting point is 01:14:02 When your parents got divorced, how old were you? 16. What's- That's tough. Your parents got divorced when you were how old? Huh? When your parents got divorced, how old were you? 16. Ooh. What's... That's tough. My boobs came in. You win some, you lose some.

Starting point is 01:14:11 Yeah, well, you didn't win that big. So, I would want to say 16 is tough, because you're like, that's such an impressionable time in your life. That's a hard... I was two. I didn't know any better. Yeah, you didn't know any better. Or one.

Starting point is 01:14:24 But 16 is rough. So that was a big piece piece of your cracking out like snapping out, huh? Yeah, but I was kind of snapping before that what was it before when what do you think the influence was before that? Why I think honestly attention problems like I just didn't like listening to people try to teach me things I just trying to make my own fun anti-authority big time me too also, you're a You're you're a contrarian by nature? No.

Starting point is 01:14:46 No? Not? Okay. Perfect. Very good. And then, brother-sisters? No. One older sister. Ooh, bitch. Hate her. We hate her. How old is she? She's two years older than me. Okay, so 48. Yeah, she's 48.

Starting point is 01:15:01 And she lives where? She's from that, she was like very popular. Oh, she's the pretty one. Yeah. You're the ugly little sister that came trolling around. Oh, fuck you guys, Lisa's here. Can I play with you guys? Ah!

Starting point is 01:15:12 Look at that! Oh, Miranda's sister's here. Ah! Can I have some toilet paper? Oh god, she's always eating toilet paper. They're never giving me toilet paper. Go away, Lisa! They're just eating a full roll.

Starting point is 01:15:20 And they would give me like three squares a day to use and I be like that's not enough but my sister remember the year that I'm Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera kissed in their little wedding dress. I love you you're fantastic wait your stupid ugly older sister what is that fucking slob up to now she's an accountant she's so smart fucking dork

Starting point is 01:15:42 blub blub blub blub give me my paycheck blub blub blub give me my family blah blah blah blah give me my family this is how I know you never typed on a keyboard huh cause you made the sound blah blah blah that's not what they sound like no

Starting point is 01:15:50 what do they do? they're kind of more like click click click but do you have a brother or sister? imagine if they did say click click click when you hit them click clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack click click click I have um uh biologically from just my mom and dad no I'm the only one but my step

Starting point is 01:16:02 biologically from just my mom and dad I'm the only one but I'm contrary to popular from just my mom and dad, I'm the only one, but contrary to popular belief, I- I knew it. Sounds like the toilet paper queen, mouthing off again. Yeah, well- Go get some toilet paper and stuff this cow's mouth full, please.

Starting point is 01:16:14 You're the most nerdiest no glasses glasses man I've ever seen. I'm wearing them right now. Yeah, no, you're- Spiritually metaphorically, you are. You're legally blind, that's why you can't see them. You're legally blind. You're legally blind.

Starting point is 01:16:24 You're legally blind. You legally stink. can't see them. You're legally blind. You're legally blind. You're legally blind. You legally stink. Just me, and then I have steps, and I mean halves. And so is your whole personality based on trying to get the heavies to notice you? No, they were never around. I only lived with one and she was eight years different, so we didn't really live together. Eight years younger or older? Younger, I, older. Idiot, idiot, fuckhead, moron, dumbass.

Starting point is 01:16:43 What? What? Dumbass, idiot, fuckhead. I asked if she was older Yeah, fatty and then so second time today. He's called me fat and the first was before we even started in the car Yeah, well because your car was like leaning when you pulled into the parking lot and I was like good god This man chased me down a street. He was like hey Yeah, right this dumb dumbass was looking at- Blocks away from your house. She was looking at parking signs.

Starting point is 01:17:07 I don't even know what you were doing over there. My house is our office. Waved me down at a red light. I was like, are you coming over, please? She's parking next to a construction site, like a fucking moron looking at the signs, being like, where am I? Am I allowed to park here?

Starting point is 01:17:17 That's actually exactly what I was doing. But why were you there is what I wanna know. I was going to get coffee, and the coffee I texted you about, would you like a coffee? And you didn't respond to me, you fucking loser. Do you really want a coffee? You want to come on to the pot? Instead of frozen it's piping hot the coffee series. Yeah piping hot. Do you really want a coffee?

Starting point is 01:17:36 It'll burn your fucking mouth We could be the sisters, you know when you burn your mouth when I burn your mouth on something How how quickly do you go right back to it drink or food? Oh, I get so upset when I burn my mouth it ruins. How long a whole day, or is it just a moment of the day? But will you eat the food or drink the drink that you burnt will you continue or you stop it depends How bad if I did total completion 100% burn? I'll go right back of course, but if I have any remaining Taste buds yeah, I will wait like an I will wait forever until that top thing you burn burn tongue on drink or food top drink for you Drink of course for me. It's always food. It's pizza pizza always I do it every without fail

Starting point is 01:18:15 I've done it every time and that'll get the whole roof of your mouth It's awesome, but at least doesn't get your tongue though because crust is cold correct and cheese is hot right we got to flip that Why don't we make the cheese cold and the crust piping hot? Hey, why don't we make them both cold? Put them in the fridge overnight, Ninja Turtle style. Hey, eat a pie. Alright, so listen, I could talk to you for a long time. Oh, it's time to end the podcast? Yeah, because here's the- I think you tried to do that earlier. Well, here's why. Okay. A, done with ya. B, you've got your bullshit thing that you need to do. And D. I'm actually respecting it because it's actually, well it's longer than I thought.

Starting point is 01:18:48 No, I have 36 minutes so my timer goes off but it's okay let's end it. Do you really? Yep. Oh I thought it was a, I thought you just said you set it for a... I said an hour and 54 minutes. Oh 54 minutes. I said an hour and four minutes I was like well buddy you're cooked. No no no it's fine.

Starting point is 01:19:01 This is really nice. I could do this often with you, because you're so playful and fun. And people, please watch Upside Down Chinatown on Hulu. That's the show that she's on. You've actually done a lot. You're an extremely talented and accomplished performer, I should say, because I don't know how to categorize you. Comedian is good? I don't really know what I am.

Starting point is 01:19:20 What do you like to say? I'm not a girl I am a woman I need I call you that on the show what you do that Brittany bit on the show you should pitch that to the EPs I know unstable with Rob Lowe she's been on that dinosaur port portals huge jury duty was actually probably the best

Starting point is 01:19:43 thing yeah, we got Ricky Stinnicki Family Guy beef fact scrambled act kill Tony. Hey, did you manage to do it? I wish Wait, can I say this jury duty was fantastic? Oh, thank you And you worked with a kid that I grew up with a man a man I should say not a chai a kid Kirk a man that I grew up with no who keep guessing Ronald Mm-hmm James Marsden Ross Kimball no way yeah the Kimballi

Starting point is 01:20:15 Are you really as tall as Ross? No, what are you taller than a Ross Kimball? No he's tall. He's like 6'6. Okay. He's a big guy You have a tall personality hey, and you have Friendsgiving come out, so just check out Andrew's Friendsgiving this year as Thanksgiving's coming up. It could be an awesome movie to watch with your dry little turkey. Let's not go through IMDb's, okay? We don't want to go pound for pound. Sorry. Yeah, that's going to embarrass you big time. I wasn't trying to compete. I was just saying... No, you did. I see what you just did. I wasn't trying wasn't you making fun of Friendsgiving. You're making fun of Friendsgiving

Starting point is 01:20:49 No, I was saying cuz it's I wrote directed produced and and distributed that film you distributed it. What are you a VCR? I'm VHS. Oh Sorry Honestly, I hope the show runs I hope the show runs for a long time on Hulu. I really do for your sake. Thanks. It's a limited series. I hope it runs for a long time.

Starting point is 01:21:13 Will it ever be the highest watched comedy on Hulu's history like Dave? No. And that's okay. That's okay. But I do hope to see you again soon because I think you're fantastically funny and I hope the world continues to enjoy you for whatever your next journey is. You are someone I'm calling out in a very soos-saying way.

Starting point is 01:21:32 I can't wait to see how big you get. I've said that to our friends. We have mutual friends. We don't know each other, but we have mutual friends. It's funny, like Glassman's one of my oldest buddies, and I've talked about you and other friends. I'm not gonna mention names on here, because there's a few other people

Starting point is 01:21:45 that don't want to be mentioned in the same conversation as you because of your allegations, but talked about how, from afar, how much I admire you and your work, and I think you're fantastic, I really do. I know you don't like compliments, but. I never said that.

Starting point is 01:21:57 Oh, really? Your agent emailed and said, don't give her compliments. Oh. That's an internal thing, huh? Yeah. But I do think you're incredible, and I can't wait to see you explode. I don't know whatever they got for you lined up. Whatever the machine has.

Starting point is 01:22:10 That's so nice, thank you. I hope you explode too. Huh? I hope you explode too. I already blew up, it's over. Oh no, I meant like I hope someone puts a little bomb in your bed. No, no, I mean I already blew up as in

Starting point is 01:22:19 like I had my little pop and then I'm going away. Or do you think you're going away now? This is it. This is your big goodbye? I'm a shooting star, dude. I'm a shooting star Or do you think you're going away now? This is it. This is your big goodbye? I'm a shooting star, dude. I'm a shooting star. I don't believe that. You are?

Starting point is 01:22:30 Shooting star, which means I already died. You're just seeing me on my descent. I've been dead for fucking 785 years. No, I believe, you know what, let's reframe it. I think you are more like a glow in the dark star. You're stuck on the ceiling, you're there for good, adored by little boys and girls everywhere Hmm, I'd rather be adored by adults

Starting point is 01:22:47 But thank you there until the house lights on fire and you get y'all goopy and you fall off and they bulldoze the house Hmm Here's to you. All right. Well, you can see this fat cow on insecure China town now on Hulu Please look at that camera right there and we end the show the same way with one word or one phrase. Whenever you're ready. Wait, I thought I was supposed to get some whiskey. We were going to. You said you didn't want to drink. No, I didn't.

Starting point is 01:23:09 In the text message I said, do you want to have a drink? You said no. No, I didn't. Read it back. You owe me. Do you want a sip? Yes. Yeah, but we should have been drinking the whole show. Oh, you fool. Dude, I didn't owe you- I thought you didn't want to drink.

Starting point is 01:23:21 I said it sounds perfect! Exclamation mark. I thought you were being facetious. Now we it sounds perfect exclamation mark. I thought you're being facetious Now we're gonna now we're gonna finish with a little yeah, we have clinky and a drinky No, because I didn't think you wanted to seriously Otherwise I'm a girl. Oh, dude. Don't you know what? That's such a cock. Why did you think? Why did you think that because that when you said it's that's perfect. I thought you're being facetious I thought you were like, yeah, that's perfect. I'm gonna drink in the morning. I I was a guy that was like, that's perfect, bro, you'd be like face value. I thought you meant because it's the morning.

Starting point is 01:23:47 Because she said it. It's 6 a.m. I thought you didn't want to drink at 6 in the fucking morning. Sorry. Give mommy her glug glug. How much you want? Say when. That's good. Stop, when? Well, you do that to yourself. Smartass. Cheers. Cheers.

Starting point is 01:24:04 To Lisa Gilroy. To Andrew Sentino. To Lisa Gilroy. To Andrew Sentino. To Lisa Gilroy. One of the best cucks we've had on the show. You can sip it, you don't have to chug it. Eww! Mmm. God, that's good.

Starting point is 01:24:16 It tastes like a hairspray and it burns my eyes. What do you got to do today? Do you have anything important? No. Good. Just a phone call. Let's get fucking trashed. Phone call in 30 minutes and 49 seconds. Was someone important? Oh is it really? Tell me. We'll cut it. No

Starting point is 01:24:33 it's just my with my team. Oh your team, your agents and your lawyers and your managers. They were like warning warning we wanted to warn you to not do something but I was like I'll talk to you after this but it might have been the podcast. This was definitely it. Did you finish yours? No, not yet. You don't have to. You can slip it slow. We can finish it after the pod's over.

Starting point is 01:24:49 Slip it slow and pick it up slow. When I back one time and I rank one, then do-womp-do-womp. Slip it slow? Then I do-womp-do-womp. Then I moon-kup. Then I moon-kup. Then I moon-kup.

Starting point is 01:24:57 Then I moon-kup on the sun. I was a-money and I'm back and then I run. And do-pud-da-da-woo-sab-a-yeah-yeah. Do-sab-a-da-woo-sab-a-yeah-yeah. You know that song That's it In here we pour Ginger. Like them hurs, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a pugil. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, and seventy-five dollars for the horse.

Starting point is 01:25:27 Ginger's a hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Lisa Gilroy

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