Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Maddy Smith

Starting point is 00:00:00 There's regular cold. And then, there's the mountains are blue cold. Mountain cold refreshment. Coors light. The Chill Choice. Celebrate responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. This episode is brought to you by Dzone.

Starting point is 00:00:16 For the first time ever, the 32 best soccer clubs from across the world are coming together to decide who the undisputed champions of the world are in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part and you can watch every match for free on Dazone starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at Dazone.com slash FIFA. That's D-A-Z-N dot com slash FIFA. That's d-a-z-n dot com slash FIFA. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like bad guys, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

Starting point is 00:00:56 You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Maddie Smith.

Starting point is 00:01:14 What's up, what's up? Thank you for having me. And you're sipping a hot coffee. It's 90 degrees. McCone got you a coffee. It's nine zero. Yep. 90 degrees.

Starting point is 00:01:23 Gotta have a hot coffee in the morning. And from my Brits, that's about as hot as, you know, that's gotta be like in Celsius. I mean that's like 38 or something like that. 40. 42 or something like that. Maybe even up to 44. 44, something like that. Quite hot, isn't it? Sweating. Sweating my balls off. Sweating my balls off. I came out to LA sweating my fucking balls off. But you know it's nice because at night it gets a little bit chilly. Chilly, little chilly.

Starting point is 00:01:45 More like home. Yeah more like home. More like overcast home. Home Manchester. Manchester. Everyone in the comments. That's not how we talk. Fuck you.

Starting point is 00:01:53 Fucking hell that's not how we sound. Fuck you Santino. Dude we, you know, they make fun of us, we're going to make fun of you. And by the way, it's fucking July is here now, it's the 4th of July, never forget. Never forget what we did to you Brits. Never forget. Motherfuckers, remember when we declared independence? Bitch.

Starting point is 00:02:18 No taxation without representation or unless the government owns that ass and we still pay a lot of taxes, so we got it. We're getting fucked We got yeah, we got fucked ultimately. Also we're getting stood with this is really stupid. You live in Queens. I live in LA probably the two worst states to live in and perform out of to travel from and pay money to a State government doesn't really care about you. Yeah, New York State and California. Hell yeah. The tax and the New York City tax. It's gross. The New York City tax. Insane.

Starting point is 00:02:47 But they did that thing, right? They did the whole, because I was just driving in and out of the city last week, and they changed the tolls to come in and out of Manhattan. Yeah, the congestion pricing. But it went down, right? Wasn't that the whole deal? I don't think it went down. I thought they went down after they had already raised it.

Starting point is 00:03:03 They were implementing it and then like the day before Governor Kathy Hokel was like we're pulling it back. Shout out to Hoke Dog. She shut it down and then they put it back in so it never went down. It never went down. Yeah. It just fluctuated. It's been nine dollars. Nine dollars. Yeah. In and out. But you do the subway every time to get to the city. Yeah and I have a car. Yeah. Yeah. No Uber ever? Occasionally. When you're feeling, when you got a little bit of money coming in.

Starting point is 00:03:29 Occasionally, as in like three times a week. Okay, so all the time. Yeah. I'm trying to be better, I'm trying to be better just because of the difference in cost. What does it cost to Uber? Because the train is underground, it's so easy, it's 275 and then Uber is like 60 bucks.

Starting point is 00:03:40 60 bucks each way. Yeah, it's kind of like LA, like 20 minute trip is gonna minimum of 40, 40, 60 bucks. 60 bucks each way? Yeah it's kind of like LA like 20 minute trip is gonna minimum of 40, 40, 60 bucks. 40 pounds yeah it's more like 26 pounds. 26 pounds right? 26 great British pounds. And then at night it's a hundred. It's even more expensive. 80, 90. Depending on what zone you go. Depending on the zones. We're about to go back I'm going to London where me and Bobby are playing London in Dublin never played Europe you nope I Have only been to Amsterdam where I open for Burt there Oh, wow, but I never have done like a little Maddy Smith little Maddy Smith on the road Europe

Starting point is 00:04:17 Yeah, Smith on the go sounds great. Hey girls. Hey you guys bonjour bon I'm war Maddy. He laughs at II. What's your what's your what's your What's your fan base mostly comprised of? It's I would say it's um a lot of girls my age a lot of girls 30s 40s my 30s 40s girls Yeah, 30s 40s girls. You're barely 30 though. You're just kissing 30, right? So it'll be like girls. No young girls. Oh, not 20s. I'll get those two I'll get those two because when I was on I guess on wild and out like A lot of the my wild N Out stuff came out during COVID.

Starting point is 00:04:47 So it'll be girls who are like, we watched you in high school. It's crazy. So now they're like 22, 23. That's so wild. Then I get a lot of black Hispanic, black and Hispanics. Yeah, sorry.

Starting point is 00:04:57 Settle down, thank you. Yeah, mouth it if you're gonna talk about them. Yeah. And don't say Hispanic because of... Latin X. No, no, no don't say anything because things are getting icy. They fucking took down this mayoral candidate. They had ice in it. Get them out of here. Get them out of here. Get them. Get them. Yeah, we work for ICE on our... This, I volunteer for ICE.

Starting point is 00:05:26 Oh, you do? That's so... Some people do volunteer firefighting, I'm doing volunteer icing. You get to hang out at the headquarters though, and eat chili and stuff. Just kick it all day. Watch movies, lift weights. Lasso a Mexican, put him in a truck. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- I cannot wait to see the revolution. Is that what it is? The revolution.

Starting point is 00:05:50 They're going to burn the city to the ground. And I'll be here for it, dude. Are you going to be at the front, John Valjean? Just waving a fucking... One day more. And I'll be waving a don't tread on me flag or whatever the fuck. The city's gone to shit. We're totally fucked.

Starting point is 00:06:04 I said that last night at dinner with a a friend I was like we're fucked this place is its places it seems little fuck it seems like there's plague after plague yeah but the protest this whole shit downtown it was it was inflated by the media pretty bad yeah like I was out of town and I was like this is not that big it's fucking bullshit the use they showed on the news the protesters look like little ants and then they got 5,000 National Guard yeah the Black Lives Matters protests were huge. They were much bigger massive I wasn't here for that either as soon as any of that stuff happens. I get out of town

Starting point is 00:06:30 Where were you tweeting from your from your bunker? Montana They're looting why do they have to protest violently don't burn a Starbucks. I was in my bunker. I was in my bunkah Don't burn a Starbucks. I was in my bunker. I was in my bunk. Oh It's funny I do get out of town every time some bullshit goes down in LA I'm like I'm out I do I am either on the road or I'm back home in Chicago Or I just haven't been here like I just I'm lucky. I'm gone every time I think I can feel it my sixth sense kicks in yeah You know you know how like girls can cycle at the same time and stuff

Starting point is 00:07:04 Yeah, I think I feel that when yeah when there's violence. I know I need to leave you're synced up I'm think with violence with the upheaval What they say there's two hundred thousand people protesting on no Kings Day here in LA here in LA two thousand two 2,000 200k based on what though? Who says that? Fox News. Fox News said that? So you know that's fucking not true? By the way, CNN would say eight hundred thousand. Right. This is all fucking bullshit.

Starting point is 00:07:34 Two hundred K is crazy. They put their own spin on everything. I don't believe any of it. But also that Sunday did have the biggest turnout. Like throughout the week, during the ice rage, there was a lot less people, but during the Sunday when people were like out and about That was like the big day the ice race. It's just I hate to say that it sounds so cool I know it just the word ice raids Yes, what's up with the ice rage ice pick yeah, what's up Spokane with the ice rage

Starting point is 00:08:29 Give it up for the ice race Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun It is really funny to me to think like, yeah, kudos for that guy, like whatever, do your thing, like that's great that you made it. But it is really sad that like he has to, you know, I said this to Bert in the same way that Bert one, you know, has said to me privately, publicly, now whatever, he's talking about it. One time he was in the green room and he was like, I just don't feel like taking off my shirt tonight. I was like, buddy, but you got it, dude. That's so funny. But I feel like, you know, there's marshmallow one night, it's like, feel like you know this marshmallow one night, it's like I don't want to put on the fucking...

Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah. I don't want to put on the helmet. Absolutely. Daft Punk? How do you think they feel? Well, I think they need to hide. Why? Have you seen their faces?

Starting point is 00:08:54 Are they ugly? Really? Made for the radio, my guy. Got it. I've never, I have no idea what they look like. I have no idea. Show me Daft Punk. Show me Daft Punk!

Starting point is 00:09:02 Show me Daft Punk. But I do think that was deliberate. Daft Punk did not... It was like the gorillas. Right. Like they're like, ehh. Yeah. We don't want the thing. But Marshmello is a DJ who is a solo DJ.

Starting point is 00:09:14 Right. You know solo DJs love this thing. Oh, absolutely. They love like the pussy and the thing and the... This is a really old... This is a really old picture. They're really good at hiding their identities Wow I probably passed them on the street before that's not even them

Starting point is 00:09:31 Good for those guys. Yeah, we don't know what about well. Yeah, what comic in a bag? What was his name comic in a brown bag or whatever the fuck the comic in a bag who was that? What's his that guy's name comic and not comic in a bag this is before our time There was a comedian used to wear like a brown bag paper bag on his fucking head the unknown the unknown comic can you imagine being that guy we should be able to hide our identity on stage much fun you'd say more shit say more wild-ass shit yeah agreed and I don't know I kind of I get nervous on stage sometimes you get nervous no well what if something you say I don't know I did like I get nervous in lately I don't know

Starting point is 00:10:04 why and unlike showcase club shows in New York and like last night. I was at the store I was like I'm not nervous out here. Yeah, well you got nervous the store. Yeah, no you sure you shouldn't mean It's not the same anymore. He shouldn't be right well I was watching and stuff like that or I don't know why I guess there's no threat anymore like it used to be I used To like that it was scary like when I was younger and I used to go out anymore like it used to be I used to like that it was scary like when I was younger and I used to go out to New York I I like was nervous about like you got I got better you better fucking right kill yeah like I feel like when I first got in at this seller it was like the lineups were insane and I was like you

Starting point is 00:10:36 different different story you have to murder so it's I think everyone's on the road I think everyone's on the road I think it's different the same way that you guys make fun of every fucking New Yorker makes fun of LA lineups I'm always like look at the fucking New York lineups. Oh, yeah. No, you know what it is I think everybody's getting let I think it's just a new generation of comics being let in and that's the world of comedy and that's How it goes and blah blah blah blah, but like I'm not shitting on anyone that's on those lineups nor here, but when everybody thinks it's gonna be like a lineups nor here but when everybody thinks it's gonna be like a list to fucking comics veterans on every lineup you're like half those people aren't

Starting point is 00:11:09 fucking getting up as much anymore because they are tired yeah and then the other half are gone if they are gonna go make money they're gonna go on the road and money for their fucking family yeah they have seven kids seven kids you know some kids they're gaff again I know I think he's got like I think he does have seven or eight kids five or something oh it five. It's less than one East Village apartment I know I think that's fascinating. They do that. Why I don't know you ever gonna be a mommy or no chance I'll be a mommy but not in the city. I don't think where would you go unless I come into five billion dollars Well, you're in luck McCone. Give her the money. Let's go

Starting point is 00:11:40 That was part of the deal. He winner was part of the deal. Okay, you show up you Would you did you I almost spilled my coffee Jesus? Let's go! That was part of the deal. Lucky winner. That was part of the deal. Okay, perfect. You show up, you get... What'd you... did you... I almost spilled my coffee. Jesus. I would be a mommy, but I feel like both not having kids and having kids sounds amazing. It's a constant dilemma.

Starting point is 00:11:55 What do you think? I can't... we can't have kids. Okay, so problem... so then it's... solved for you. It is. That's kind of a freeing... God said you're done. Right. God said get off. We don't want any more of you. Yeah, I agree. Trust me. Fucking. Disgusting. Every time I come I always go, oh please,

Starting point is 00:12:09 this is, I don't really want this to work out. I don't need more of me. Yeah, we tried to have kids, we couldn't have kids, so I think it was like self, it was decided, but also then people are like, oh, why don't you, why don't you adopt a kid and everything? No No, it's like I don't want someone else's trash. No Take it back. I think about no. I just don't know that's a whole thing It's a whole thing so I don't know but I've missed my boat now now that I'm in my young 40s I feel like I'm pretty good. I feel like I'm but I did have the 30s dilemma of like what do we do? What can we do? What do we do? What should we do? But I did have the 30s dilemma of like what do we do? What can we do? Yes? What should we do?

Starting point is 00:12:50 What is my life gonna look like I have the paranoia of like if I don't have kids it feels fine now It feels like a cool decision now, but I'm like 46. I'm like Yeah, you know Right right now it seems awesome Old women comedians that you're referencing. Go ahead. I'm not saying that! But you can picture five names right now. I see them. Ding ding ding ding ding. Yeah, I do see them. It gets less, I feel like for women, it's like, right now I'm like hee hee ha ha young.

Starting point is 00:13:15 No, but I understand. Yeah, the stigma is way different for older female comedians than it is for older male comedians. But, on the contrary, older male comedians who are like consummate bachelors who don't have kids or don't aren't in any sort of relationships there's also like a well that's not cool anymore it's dark yeah that's what I mean so it's it's the same it's just a different version of dark yeah I think it's agreed I think I'd rather be like a a woman with no kids who people think is like a fucking bitch, actually not, than like a guy who's- Nobody thinks you're a bitch.

Starting point is 00:13:47 I know, what am I talking about? But when I'm- When you're there? 15 years from now. You might be a bitch. You might be a mean little bitch. Where would you end up going though? Where's mom and dad?

Starting point is 00:13:56 Where's family? I'm from upstate, I'm from Buffalo. So they live- Yuck. I know, I'm not going up there. No, that's gross. I'll probably do the Jersey move. Or move out here.

Starting point is 00:14:04 Wouldn't that be fun? No, no, no, don't come on here. No, I promise don't. It's not worth it. Tell her it's not worth it. Yeah, it's not worth it. No, I think Jersey's great. Stay close to family. Yeah, I mean they're like they're upstate and fucking yeah. You don't feel like Buffalo to me. Really? You feel like Midwest. I mean, Buffalo is kind of the Midwest. I do hear it when I go over there. They sound like us a little bit. Flat, flat accents. Yeah, it's kind of like... Snow plowing. Chicago vibes.

Starting point is 00:14:30 Yeah, Chicago vibes. It is close to us in a weird way. Yeah. Northern... So you look like a family member of mine. Yes. But Buffalo people are interesting people. We're like, I think, there's alcoholics, fo' show, binge drinking.

Starting point is 00:14:42 That's us. That's us, Chicago. That's us. Turn off. Go ahead, and cold, snow, pride, football, football, wings. Yeah, I guess you guys are midwest. And the wing thing. Let's cut it out. That's enough of this shit.

Starting point is 00:15:00 It's the same way I feel about anything these days. It's a global economy. I get whatever I want all the time. Absolutely. The pizza is better and cut it out. Don't care Just cut it out. I don't give a fuck. It's pizza. Shut up. It's pizza. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up I will eat Domino's. By the way, had Domino's. Mm-hmm. Haven't had it in years had it recently Fantastic. Great. It's fantastic. It's good. Cut it out. It's got a nice. We need to stop this nonsense. I know. Oh fantastic. It's good. Cut it out. We need to stop this nonsense. I know. Oh, trash, trash. Fuck you. Dominoes are trash. Thin slice. Fuck you, it's pizza. It's pizza, bitch. That's just cheese and bread. Get fucked. Yep. Get absolutely fucked. And also, by the way, the new trend of Smash Burgers, kick fucking rocks. Suck my dick.

Starting point is 00:15:38 I'm so tired of this shit, dude. They just opened one here in our neighborhood. They opened up another one. And I was like, there's six on the fucking avenue. There's six on the fucking Avenue smash smash smash no one needs an emoji burger my dad you know what I love when a when a place takes their vowels out that steakhouse that's STS TK yeah there's that dispensary near the store urban leaf. Yeah There's one right here there's a new what's the steakhouse of Bob Boulevard, it's BLVD Some like cute young, you know, like 22 year old fresh out of college is like, Hi, welcome to have you ever eaten with us here? We do things a little bit differently.

Starting point is 00:16:32 We do things a little bit differently. And you will have the small plates and that's a specialty. I had fun with you. We we did shows for the first time together in Las Vegas, Nevada. I can't believe that was two years ago. God, was it really? I thought it was a year ago. This post-COVID time is really...

Starting point is 00:16:50 It fucks me up. ...really screwing me up. Yeah. That was a fun little run, man. That was fun. It was really cool. Vegas was cool. Fully loaded.

Starting point is 00:16:58 Hot. Boise. Hot. So hot. Remember that pool on the rooftop steaming? Yeah, I just didn't want to be there. Yeah, it was hot. And I loved Leanne and Burton, so I was like, I'm just going to stay, but I was like, this is way too fucking hot. It was hot, and we're pale, we're the same.

Starting point is 00:17:08 Yeah, I don't want to, I don't need it. I get really stressed in that sort of sun. Yeah, cause you start to think, you're like, how am I going to handle this burn? Yeah, how am I going to handle this burn? I'm aging rapidly. Right. As I talk to you, I'm aging rapidly.

Starting point is 00:17:19 I'm going to pay for this. You will. When I'm a 47 cunt. When you're an old motherless cunt. Yeah. Childless cunt, sorry. You have a mother. I have a mother,unt. You're an old Motherless cunt. Yeah Childless cunt. Sorry, you have a mother. I have a mother. Yeah, your parents married still no, they're divorced. Oh, yeah 13 yeah, you're like us. Yeah, you are like the Midwest. Yeah, are they Catholic? Yeah, we were raised Catholic Irish Catholic Mm-hmm. You stopped going to church when you were what I got confirmed and then I just stopped right right over pretty fast

Starting point is 00:17:43 Right, you like when you drive yourself to your confirmation your are like, we don't care what you do after this. You're like, yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I did a few nice things. I did Habitat for Humanity with my church after I stopped going. Because my dad was like, it would mean a lot to me. And I was like, you know, I think that's rad. Okay. I'll go help build houses for poor people. What church do your parents go to? They're Presbyterian. Really? We couldn't be Catholic. My mom got a divorce Really? Yeah, like what do you mean though? They're all getting divorced like yeah, but but but my grandmother Was a real wag the finger. She was so angry at my mom for getting divorced. I know my grandma I went to jail. I don't want to watch Emeril because he got he got divorced

Starting point is 00:18:24 Then my dad got divorced and she was like we always love Michael. That's so mean. I know. Sides with him not Emeril. Yes. And what's wrong Emeril Legassi's got to get a divorce once in a while. I know right and his wives are probably trying to take over his income from his products. Yeah he's got a lot of product. A lot of products. By the way speaking the chef world I know this is kind of crazy to bring up I said this to him this morning. Last night, this episode will have long aired. Last night, Chef Anne Burrell died. I know. What's that about? I don't know. It was very weird. She's like 51. 55. How does she know? I don't know, but

Starting point is 00:18:55 I looked it up this morning. You know they're not, we're not going to find out for a week or two. When this episode's out, people in the world will have known. But we can speculate. I don't know. It was very weird. weird very young very young and then it makes me think It says like she died in her home. Yeah, whenever people die in their home And they're young you're like, yeah somebody killed him. You killed yourself. Oh, you can't I was thinking you killed yourself yourself either way Kate Spade Killers off. She's tough You you could never kill myself if you're gonna do it, how would you do it? Shotgun to the head.

Starting point is 00:19:27 Yeah, you thought about it. Shotgun to the head. We've all thought about it. I'm jumping off the tallest building. Okay, jumping. I want that last feeling. Yeah. Jumping off the building would be cool.

Starting point is 00:19:35 I would do it at an hour when I'm not of a threat to anybody else. Yeah, like 2 a.m. or something. I'll call the paramedics and go, hey dude, you guys got to be on this corner. About to do it. Yeah. Just for the quick clean up. I don't wanna interrupt somebody's afternoon or morning. Yeah, because then you're traumatizing people. Then it's the butterfly effect.

Starting point is 00:19:53 You don't need to do that. Then someone sees your gobbledygook on the sidewalk. Some kid just licking ice cream. Yeah. Boom. He doesn't even see that. Core memory for him. Right, just let it be 3.34 in the morning.

Starting point is 00:20:03 You know, call them, let them know, hey, clean this up. That's easy. Yeah. I feel like that's the jump because then you get one last like, then you traumatize the medics. No, they see it every day. They see it all the time. You ever talk to these people, the stuff that they see? Yeah, they see a lot of stuff. Unbearable. I know. I mean, it's constant for them. There's like one day during COVID, I was like, maybe I'll be an EMT. Hilarious. The fuck you will. Just cracking jokes. Yeah literally. Because I watched Nurse Jackie I was like I want to do this. I want to be in this world. I want to be in this world. I want to be on opioids in the back. Fucking the pharmacist for my pills. What a good show. So good. Edie Falco? Edie Falco once again with a banger. Can you imagine that woman's fucking career how brilliant?. So good. You went from the greatest and I'm gonna say it the greatest television show of all time. The greatest. Is there an argument that Sopranos is the

Starting point is 00:20:52 greatest fucking show of all time? I mean Girls was pretty good. You're right dude. You know. Yeah you're right. Now that I think about it Girls was pretty parallel to Sopranos. The length the length of episodes totally I take it all back Sopranos I would say probably number one right Breaking Bad Breaking Bad is right there but Sopranos is clearly number one yeah the wire is good but it's not the same and if you try to watch the wire now they're typing on like computers from fucking 97 yeah and the wire also hurts your feelings a lot like the wire is a sad fucking yeah it's a tragic show yeah no but Sopranos is

Starting point is 00:21:24 beautiful sad. Different. Because it gives you kind of a great perspective on... Look, dude, Sopranos, much like Scarface... I remember in high school when you go over to somebody's house... I'm older than both of you guys. They would always have Scarface posters. Like the guy that I would go over to his house to smoke weed with always had a Scarface poster.

Starting point is 00:21:38 Always. Scarface, Boondock Saints, Pulp Fiction. Boondock Saints. And I'd be like, bro, you love Scarface, right? They're like, yeah. The movie was the shit. And you're like, you do know that it, you love Scarface, right? They're like, yeah, movie was the shit. And you're like, you do know that it's a life lesson film, right? It's teaching you that this is clearly the wrong way to live.

Starting point is 00:21:51 Yeah, it's tragic. Like every gangster's like, Scarface, bro, you're like, it's the worst story ever. Yeah, you know what I mean, right? You've watched the first half? They glorified the beauty of Scarface. They glorify, and it is memed now for life. Like say hello to my little friend. That's like in people's mind, like a hero moment.

Starting point is 00:22:08 Exactly. I know when I watched it, I was like, this is fucking sad. The saddest shit in the world. You're getting lit up. It's like just a drug version of Barry Lyndon. It is drug. It's dark, lonely. Sopranos did the same thing, but they did it in a way where it was like, this is not

Starting point is 00:22:23 the life anybody should want. That's why I think they put him through so much trauma Yeah, cuz they're like we're not glorifying. He is cool. You root for him. Yeah, he's cool But you're like, I don't want to be him who's the anti-hero. Yeah, he's kind of like this like it's sad You're like fuck dude. He's living a Tragically beautiful life. It's awful. Yeah, you're watching him fall apart in front of your face Yeah in front of your face. It's kind of you get to watch him go to therapy. Did you get that in girls? Yeah, because Hannah Horvath is falling apart every Minute every character and what's redeemable about the characters and girls. What's redeemable?

Starting point is 00:22:54 Is that they are just like us? No, they're all bad people. For rich white girls in New York. Four rich white girls in New York. That should have been the theme song. It's never been done other than many times before. That was my initial instinct when I heard about that show and people were like, removing from the idea that a critic would be like, that's just, but four rich white girls in New York

Starting point is 00:23:20 is so uninteresting to me, it's unbelievable. You loved it. But I'm a white, I'm a white girl. You're a white kid. So that's what like, you, I, guys like war stuff, cause men are in war. We did that. Women are in war. Otherwise I would watch it.

Starting point is 00:23:34 You should be. You want equal rights? If I try to go to war they would laugh. Yeah, Maddie, get out of here. Cut it out. That's why it's awesome. Just fucking the gun, just goofing around. I can see you fucking around.

Starting point is 00:23:42 They're like, Maddie, stop playing with this. Can you stop? Yeah. Pulling out the pin. Oh, alright. Just fucking the gun, just goofing around. Lalalalalala. I can see you fucking around. They're like, Maddie, stop playing with the... Can you stop? Yeah. Pulling out the pin. Oh, alright. Oh! I got your gun. Oops, I got your gun.

Starting point is 00:23:56 In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Junior is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the place. Whether you're trying to create your own website, you're trying to sell a product, trying to promote yourself, Squarespace is incredible. Okay, man, they've been helping me out for a long, long time and they offer so many different services including cutting edge design. If you're creating a new site, man, you used

Starting point is 00:24:19 to have to build it yourself back in the good old days, not anymore. They got great SEO tools so you can get discovered fast, discovered more often, which is huge. You can put videos up there. They also have a donation site and they have email campaigns which we love as comics as I know where my listeners and viewers are coming from. You can sell content, blogs, courses, videos, whatever you need, they have it all with analytics

Starting point is 00:24:41 to make smarter decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tool. You know, you can find out website traffic and learn where to focus your engagement. It's incredible. And plus they've got these templates and the designs that are brilliant and get more attention, more eyeballs and seamless for your customers, fans, whatever you want to put it out to. If you're interested, head over to squarespace.com. Check out squarespace.com slash whiskey. Use that offer code whiskey when you're ready to launch to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Once again, squarespace.com slash whiskey.

Starting point is 00:25:15 Save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using our code whiskey. Hey, we all have that time in our 20s. We're spending a little bit too much money. We don't know how to save. It's hard, and then we screw up our credit. I did it myself. I made a little blunder. I bought stuff I couldn't afford. My credit suffered.

Starting point is 00:25:32 Thankfully, there is Kickoff. Kickoff starts helping you build credit immediately for only $1 for your first month. AutoPay helps you build credit while you sleep. You don't got to worry about missing a payment. You can sign up in minutes from your phone. No credit check. You can cancel at any time. With over 1 million users and hundreds of thousands of positive reviews, there's a reason why Kickoff is the number one credit builder on the App Store. And look, a lot of people

Starting point is 00:25:54 are like, well, I don't know how to build credit, I don't know what to do. Kickoff can help you. Their most basic plan, it's five bucks a month, the premium is 20 bucks a month, they give you credit line just for building credit reports uh... and they reported to the three major credit bureaus they help you quickly improve key factors determine your credit which are uh... your new account diversifies your credit mix each on time monthly kickoff payment builds payment history because your monthly payments are so small your credit utilization the amount of credit you're using gets healthier fast

Starting point is 00:26:21 so if you're in need start building credit with kickoff today you get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80% off the normal price when you go to getkickoff.com slash whiskey today. That's Kickoff without the C, getkikoff.com slash whiskey. Must not be a getkickoff.com slash whiskey to activate October offer. Applies to new Kickoff customers first month only. Subject to approval, offer subject to change. Average first year credit score impact of plus 84 points.

Starting point is 00:26:42 Vantage score 3.0 between January 2023 and January 2024. For kickoff credit account users who started with a score below 600, who paid on time, who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period, late payments may negatively affect your impact, your credit score, individual results may vary. Oh boy, I'm here to tell you about Chubby's. Love Chubby's shorts.

Starting point is 00:26:59 Love Chubby's shorts. If you've never tried them out, you don't know what you are missing. Summer's here, which means, you know, thighs out, baby. These thighs are out. The white dogs are out. I'm telling you, man, they have an incredible shorts line. They also have a line swim collection that is awesome. Whether you're poolside, lakeside, oceanside, doesn't matter. You're on vacation or you're just in your backyard or you're chilling at a friend's house or in the park hanging out for a

Starting point is 00:27:23 dog day. And when the sun goes down, by the way, it's time to swap out Chubby's has it all. The every wear shorts. They feel right. They fit right. They're so comfortable. They're incredible. The original stretch shorts I love and the performance polo to throw up on top. Go from the golf course to a dinner to a date out with your boys or your girls. It doesn't matter. And their classic line swim trunks, I think, are amazing. So you must try for a limited time. Our exclusive code is Whiskey for 20% off at chubbyshorts.com.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Let the thighs out, let the good times roll. Whether you're suiting up for cannonballs, cookouts, or casual Fridays, Chubbies has you covered for a limited time. Chubbies is giving our listeners 20% off your order with our code Whiskey at chubbyshorts.com. That's code Whiskey at chubbyshorts.com. That's code whiskey at chubbyshorts.com. Support our show and let them know we sent you summers here. Dress like it in Chubbys. Ginger. I like gingers.

Starting point is 00:28:13 War is too serious. I saw that movie Warfare? Warfare? I don't know. Came out recently. Mission Impossible? The new Alex Garland one? Yes. Right? It's like a... It's called Warfare?

Starting point is 00:28:25 He's in a... They're in an... They're in Iraq and... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful, careful. Yeah, my god. Twice you do that, dude. I know. Every time I look at you, it makes me smile. Two reasons. I told you in the parking lot. One, I love you. I think you're so funny.

Starting point is 00:28:39 Thank you. And two, you remind me of my sister so much. Yeah, so what's she like? Is she my age? She's 34. 33. Really? Yeah. And we look alike? Or just we have the same vibe of... Doesn't she have the same vibe as my sister so much. Yeah, so what's she like? Is she my age? She's 34 33 really? Yeah, and we look alike or just we have the same vibe of doesn't she have the same vibe as my really yeah You do she does nice You don't really look alike, but you have the same kind of character

Starting point is 00:28:54 Yeah, the way you cold hold yourself is similar to my sister when I saw you in the parking lot You said you're a fucking pale girl. You're a fucking pale girl. Yeah, you are pale like my sister is see-through Yeah, see-through. Yeah, like no we're pale riders You and I are both pale riders, but I'm a different kind. I'm I'm like a more of a I'm an actual ginge. Yes, you are cuz you're a phony you think so We I don't really let you in and why is that cuz I cuz you're cuz I'm sure cuz my hair is as an Auburn Yeah, Auburn than orange. I don't even say that's Auburn. That's brown to me people be saying you have orange hair That's fucking not red. I was born my hair was a color of yours really yeah bright orange

Starting point is 00:29:29 That's when you were cute. Yeah, and you lost it then it turned brown. No. I'm just brown hair Now you're wrong. I mean as a redhead you're incorrect and you have no hair like orange You have no legs to stand on here But I will say like I get the Auburn thing people can that. But the tone of that brown is similar to the tips of the bottom of your hair, which is not red. No, because him and I don't have the same hair color at all. No, no, the tips of them. I think this is like a colorism thing.

Starting point is 00:29:54 Yeah, because he wants to be the only ginger. No, no, you have to be a little. And so now he's saying you're not actually a ginger. So I let others in. So you have to be a real ginge to get into my fam. So who's in there? Carrot Top and Michelle Wolf? God bless, God bless.

Starting point is 00:30:08 Who else is a ginge? In our world, Bill Burr is an actual redhead. Louie, for what it's worth, had red hair. Had very red hair. Louie had red hair, yeah. Who else is the red of our world? Kathy Griffin. KG?

Starting point is 00:30:22 That's the real KG, Kevin Garnett. Kathy Griffin. I'm trying That's the real KG Kevin Garnett. Kathy Griffin. I'm trying to think of who else. Ron Howard, a real OG. Seth Green. Seth Green, a real OG. More like Seth Redd. Yeah. Cut that out. Motherfucker, bitch, we're all in that name. Motherfucker, bitch, we're all in that name. But you're not Irish at all. I am. I'm Irish. My mom's Irish. My mom's a leprechaun. My mom's Irish and my dad was Sicilian. So that's why I look a little bit different than the average Ginge. Not to pat myself on the back.

Starting point is 00:30:50 I do though. I see that the average Ginges, and I'm always like, God, I don't look like that guy. The average Ginges has more of a stark whiteness about them. Also a lot of them have, I have brown eyes. You see a lot of redheads with blue eyes. You don't see a lot of like orange people with brown eyes. Francis Ellis. If you know Francis. I do know Francis. Yes. He's a blue eyed guy.

Starting point is 00:31:10 Blink blink. Well he's also Mayflower shit. Oh yeah. That's fucking old school. He's like OG, pilgrim. But he is right? He talks about that right? Doesn't he come from like a very wealthy family or something? Yeah he's from Maine.

Starting point is 00:31:22 Gross. I know. What's up there? Rich. Whites. Old rich. I know yeah gross. What's up there rich whites old rich and really poor whites Are they up there too? Yeah, they hide them though. Don't they yeah? Yeah? Yeah, they go get get down get down someone's coming I'm coming for architectural digest What's up, baby? Welcome to my house? Hi you guys? I'm Anderson Tino Whenever I see that dude that that makes me nauseous. Me too, I watch them all. I watch all the Vogue, the Architectural Dives.

Starting point is 00:31:48 But it drives me bananas. Me too. What's up, baby? So cringe. Especially when you see someone that you're like, careful, Andrew. Whenever I see someone on there that I'm like, who bought that for you? You didn't pay for that. The house, you mean?

Starting point is 00:32:03 Yeah, you're like... I thought you meant also like the publicist for that well That's all that for that for that Yeah, did daddy buy that yeah, cuz I'm looking at your numbers and that ain't it That ain't it daddy bought that didn't he did he buy this house hi, I see my daddy by this house for me Big but I had to open this gate Yeah, those things drive me fucking nuts, and I of course will watch them because they fascinate me. I love them. I also love...

Starting point is 00:32:30 Would you ever let someone into your house? Look, you get rich. Not my current place. You get super rich and famous because it's on the way. You're going to be rich and famous. You think so? My visualizations are not thinking that's happening. You're talented, you're smart and you're cool and you work hard. I think you're going, you're smart, and you're cool, and you work hard. I think you're going to be very successful. That's really nice of you. Yeah, I do. Because that's what I try to tell myself. I just, I get better every day. You're getting better every day. You're working. You work hard. So what could, what could, what am I going to be in my 50s trying to try to

Starting point is 00:32:58 sell the Brea improv for one night? That's what you think when you're in the mix, when you're in the thick of touring, you're like it's going to be, I'm gonna be trying to sell five shows at Mugube's in Baltimore until I die. Yeah. But you'll be bigger than that. I appreciate you saying that. You'll be at the Lyric in Baltimore at some point. Exactly. And then after that, you'll be at... I'll be back at Mugube's. You'll be where the Ravens play. You'll have to go back to the... Right, you'll go down. Yeah. We all go down. We'll have like a year of a pop and then back to the clubs and I'm like, yeah. of a pop and then bat out of the clubs. And I'm like, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:24 Gotta have both. Maddie. Maddie. Maddie. And then you slowly hear, as you slow down, it turns, fatty. Fatty. No, it was Maddie last year. Wait, no.

Starting point is 00:33:34 Boo. Yeah, people buy tickets. I'm sold out just so they can scream at me. Be careful what you wish for. I wish for sold out shows. Pitchforks. Burn that witch. Yeah, like in Wicked. Pitchforks, burn that witch. Yeah, like in Wicked. Did you see Wicked?

Starting point is 00:33:49 Come on, you know better than that. Okay, yeah, so in The Wizard and I, she hopes for everyone will be talking about me. And then they are. And they do, and guess what? You don't like it? They're talking shit. Down with the witch. I didn't see The Wicked. Of course not. Why would I? That seems silly. I like the original. I like the book better. You like the book?. You like the book

Starting point is 00:34:05 Did you see the Broadway? No, okay. Okay. I didn't see the movie I just saw the show Wizard of Oz is the only only world that I had an attachment to in this Continuation of this property that they've done. Mm-hmm. They've done way too many things with it Yeah, I gotta leave it alone And I think I think the same about Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings Lee you gotta leave these things alone a little bit. Leave them all alone. Ten years, twenty years. Leave them alone. Yeah. They did it. And it's over and it was awesome

Starting point is 00:34:30 and Wizard of Oz Wizard of Oz itself was filled with so much sad trauma. They could have just continued to bank on that. Where's the story from the little people's perspective? I know, that's what we should make. How come they didn't do that? Those stories are insane. You know about that, right? The guy that fucking kills himself. They said that they treated them like cattle

Starting point is 00:34:47 They really kept them like in a room together like what the guy hanging himself is of urban legend Yeah, I know, but there is a man that did kill himself while filming that a little person not on set Yeah, he didn't kill himself on he's not hanging in the background a little person killed himself while they're filming in that movie That is true fucking set life will get to you tell me about it. How to bring an activity double wide trailers you gotta go nuts. I bring a crossword book to one banger. They're like, dude I'm gonna die in this little tiny thing in the shower Yeah, but see those little are those little you know single room trailers those must be huge for if you're a little person All right, we got a we got a I would think so. What am I doing here? What's going on? Chevy chase movie under the rainbow. No it came out. It was it was a big flop

Starting point is 00:35:24 It came on the 80s, but it's about like an investigation happening while the movie's taking place. While the movie's taking place? While the movie's taking place and like all the munchkins and stuff and little people. Can't say munchkins anymore unless you're at Dunkin' Dude. Didn't they used to call those munchkins? Are they still called munchkins? Yeah, that's what they're called in the movie.

Starting point is 00:35:38 No, I know, but I'm saying- They represent the lollipop. Wait a minute, did the munchkins in Dunkin' Donuts, they're still called the Donutholes, they're still They're still called the donut holes are still called munchkins. Yes, and at Tim Hortons are Timbits Timbits yeah, Timmy Hortons a Timbits you guys have Hortons up there in Buffalo. Oh, yeah, cuz it's close to Canada I want on every corner. Hey, you're close to Canada right there soon as you cross over Yeah, it's bridge downtown Buffalo. You'll see that's the thing about Canada is people always go over there people for Niagara, you know, but... Yeah, Niagara, yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:07 The view from the States is better, eh? Because you're looking at Canada, it's prettier. True, but you don't get the horseshoe waterfall. I know, I understand, I know, but... But if you've seen it before, if you see the view from America, you say it's... See it once, you've seen it again, you know. ...maybe not that bad, eh? Yeah, true, yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah. I played both sides. I played the Canada side and the other side. You have a... casino over there uh... yeah i don't know what it's called what can you do there wasn't that is it not a hard work or no but there's another one notes that are rock falls you fall as you rivers yet because you know we play the did we do bad there

Starting point is 00:36:36 we did a bad show there right in the in the fucking niagara didn't do a bad show there i wasn't there no thank god good memory. Good memory then. Good memory then. And then what show did you do on this side? On the... This, you know, isn't that really sad? I don't remember, man. You don't remember. Casinos. Just another fucking stupid casino. Yeah. Okay, yeah. A miserable, depressing casino. Are casinos like... Which I'll be at. February 22nd. Coming up to the, you know... I have a question.

Starting point is 00:36:59 Yeah. What's the, is it clubs, theaters, casinos, bigger theaters? Where's the casinos fall in with? Oh casinos are Casinos are Yeah, casinos are kind of like an interim payday see right because they guarantee you the money and You know it's hard to sell them out. Is it all guarantees or door door? No, it's guaranteed It's all guarantees. Well, you can do a percentage afterwards, but it's also like people do cas. Is it all guaranteed? Is there door deals? No, it's guaranteed. It's all guaranteed. Well, you can do a percentage afterwards. But it's also like people do casinos because you're like, I'm working out, I'm having fun, I'm sliding into my tour, it works out.

Starting point is 00:37:32 But it's harder to promote and sell because your fans want to see you in a traditional spot. So casinos are hard. They're hard, yeah. They're hard. And I love when people come see me in casinos. Come see me. Come see us.

Starting point is 00:37:42 But it is so funny that I get it that it's hard to sell to fans because some people are like, I'd rather see you in a traditional theater in my... But usually do it when you're doing theater runs. I do it when I'm doing theater runs. Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it. And also because I have a little taste for the tables. Oh yeah? I like to do it.

Starting point is 00:37:56 Throw in some... Yeah. I like to gamble. I like Casinos. I'm not, I don't hate Casinos, but I'm not a big gambler. Never caught the... Never caught theler. Never caught the bug. Never caught the bug. What do you stupidly waste money on then?

Starting point is 00:38:09 What's the thing? Weed, vape, snacks, food, Ubers. Gen Z. Yeah, I'm so Gen Z. You are. And then on the road sometimes, you ever go to a Target when you're on the road? No.

Starting point is 00:38:23 Okay. What are you doing in a Target? You're consuming products? Yeah. Just buying stuff? If you're at like a freaking Hampton Inn right next to a Target. I'm so boring on the road.

Starting point is 00:38:32 We go out to a nice dinner. I go to the gym. I do the show. Yeah. Maybe afterwards we do go off for food or a drink and then go to bed. And you go to bed. Yeah, I don't wanna go out in the town anymore.

Starting point is 00:38:45 I don't do that. But I'm burnt out, because I did it for years when I was a young comic on the road. I would go do stuff and then go retail therapy, so sometimes I'd go shopping by myself just to feel something. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm on now. Sit in a local bar.

Starting point is 00:38:58 Okay, yeah. I stopped drinking, so it's like, it's tough for me to, last, a year ago, like 15 months ago. How do you feel? Good. Not physically, how do you feel mentally about it? I feel good mentally.

Starting point is 00:39:10 Yeah, you do feel better. But I kinda miss, you know, the camaraderie of being out with people. I feel like I lost touch with people. Do you think you could go out and not drink and just hang? Yeah, but you're like more tired. Your fatigue is more transparent when you're not drinking. You got drunk fatigue? You get, you're not trying to get drunk fatigue

Starting point is 00:39:25 you get you just like i'm tired right i'm tired cuz when you're drinking your let's go you know you don't notice that i need to sleep right now what is the schedules because i blackout like a mofo i went to todd barry's birthday party uh... and uh... hilarious falsely said that i think i hear thanks for coming and i i meant eyes left my jacket on I'm like I'm gonna be here for 30 minutes

Starting point is 00:39:46 I black the fuck out Wow You're gone, dude Yeah at fucking Beauty bar on a Tuesday night and so the next morning are by the way great bar fun as fuck But then the next morning I was like, I think I gotta cut this you gotta stop You gotta have that anxiety. Yes. Yeah, you got you got a really and just I was, I woke up at, I threw up all that next day. All that, I was throwing up bile. Oh shit. I threw up so much that the roof of my mouth was damaged.

Starting point is 00:40:11 Sore? From the bile, yeah. Big sore on the roof of my mouth. Any other physical symptoms? I have a pop of blood vessel in my eye. From yacking? Joint pain, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:22 You gotta stop. Standard. Are you going to meetings? Are you doing that thing? No, doing that thing no you're just doing just kind of logic was like this doesn't cut it out life anymore yeah I get that I get easier cuz every time there's a gray area I just end up blacking out I've been blacking out since I was like in college upstate you know that's you went to college in Buffalo yeah yeah and I think I have like I think I have a DD what everyone does but you know, like that dopamine hit of drinking Oh, yeah first sip. Oh, I want to go. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Let's go

Starting point is 00:40:55 Beer is half full. I'm already getting two more. Yeah Yeah, you're this girl. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on I'll go get people drinks and I'll be like and also take a shot for me. Take a shot, go back. Oh, she did have a drinking problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The shot alone at the bar is a dead giveaway. It was a problem.

Starting point is 00:41:12 Yeah. We went to Australia with Bert. I blacked out like, we were there for four, yeah. We were there for 15 days. I blacked out eight times. Ooh, that's a lot of time. It was a lot. It's a lot of time.

Starting point is 00:41:21 It was a lot. So I'm glad you got, I'm glad you did. See, my thing is I'm a social drinker. I love the social of it and then I find that I will take big breaks I'm on a little kick right now a little break and then I Do like the camaraderie. I do know that it's healthier to not yeah It feels good. It feels great

Starting point is 00:41:40 I will say the thing that I do kind of hold high on my own shoulders is like my house is filled with alcohol And I never ever drink at the house. That's good. It's there for when people come over to the house Because I don't like my wife and I we don't you know people like you have a glass of wine at dinner like now We don't do we don't have cocktails in it like we don't ever do that I was never like that either ever glass of wine at home So I only want to do it when I see other humans like when I see an old friend Mm-hmm, it's like I cannot wait to sit have a beer and just talk shit Yeah, but if you can't I know there is a part of me that's like maybe someday I know right now

Starting point is 00:42:13 Not from what you just said I didn't realize it for so long taking a shot solo when you bring a beer back Oh, yeah, and panicking about your next drink black like blacking out like half an hour after you get there. That's really fast. Early, yeah. So you don't feel like you- Because I would drink on an empty stomach, because I have disordered fucking eating shit, so I would drink on an empty stomach, blood alcohol- You have disordered eating disorder, you mean?

Starting point is 00:42:35 Yeah. Or disordered eating? I guess the girls say disordered eating. Oh. Yeah. Oh, is that like a New World way to say this? Yeah, I think so. Wow.

Starting point is 00:42:43 Instead of in eating, eating disorder sounds, whoa, what? Disordered eating. I have disordered eating. Yeah. Yeah. I'm retarded mentally. Exactly. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:52 It's like a sweeter way to. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. That's smart. And I'm retarded physically. Right. I do see that when you walked in.

Starting point is 00:43:01 Right. Stop, dude. I'm sorry. Bad girl. Bad girl. Take it back and say I'm sorry. I'm an edgelord. I'm an edgelord. Say I'm sorry. Right. Me. Stop. Bad girl. I'm sorry. Bad girl. Take it back and say I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:43:08 I'm an edgelord. I'm an edgelord. Say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you. Yeah. You want to do that stuff, you move to Austin, pal. You cut that out on this show. I know.

Starting point is 00:43:16 Cut it out. You cut it out. Kill Tony. Kill Tony. Where we at? You ever judge Kill Tony? Yeah, dude. I did Kill Tony back when it was back at the store days.

Starting point is 00:43:24 We all did it back then. Okay, yeah. When he was around the store, when he started it a decade ago, yeah, we all used to do it. We used to go up there and fuck around. And then the rise of the show and the popularity of it kind of like changed the game for the kid. And good for all those guys. I just, when I was younger, it was a thing at the store and we'd go upstairs and do it upstairs. It was fun in the belly when Roast Battle was original. Well, I judged Roast Battle last night. Oh, you did? Yeah. How was that? It was fun. It was just there and then- Upstairs, right in the belly when roast battle was original. Well, I judge roast battle last night. Oh you did Yeah, how was that? It was fun. Yes, just there and then upstairs right in the belly Yeah, yeah the old days of all that stuff was really really fun. There was something it was kind of like

Starting point is 00:43:52 You know again good for the popularity for for the comics attached to that and all that stuff That's good for the growth of their own show and blah blah blah But when it was the most fun when roast was the most fun and when kill Tony was the most fun for my generation Was it was like we were it was our little dirty secret. Yeah, like it was the most fun when roast was the most fun when kill Tony was the most fun for my generation Was it was like we were it was our little dirty secret. Yeah, it was fun It was upstairs. It was packed and it was yeah, it was kind of like this great like, you know The business hadn't like, you know, okay That's how I feel about roast masters at the stand back in the day You're like the probably the best the best is a quiet and it's just for you guys

Starting point is 00:44:22 Yeah, just it's like it was like an extracurricular Yeah, you get excited about yeah, and then now I don't know well whenever that whenever corporate the corporate world gets to hold Us something they're going to ruin it. Yeah inevitably. You know it's gonna go down. What's wrong? She was just slouching before I just read just she's slouching sat up a little bit I was like you're fucking you're you're judging her posture. Yeah, you got a lot of you got a lot of nerve I was slouching though and I was like I need to the hunchback of Minnesota this guy I mean he's slouch Magoo I've never seen you stand up tall my whole fucking time like the letter C over there this motherfucker right here like a shrimp he said like shrimp how

Starting point is 00:45:02 many years did you and on that and on that voice note? How many years did you do wild now? You're not doing it anymore I I'm kind of continuously just whenever they pop in what really but I To answer your question. I got on right before coven Got on right before coven 2019 2019 you jumped on the show. Jumped on. Nick called you. Nick called. You said, so what's up baby girl?

Starting point is 00:45:27 I'm having another kid. You need to be on the show. You need to be on a show. You funny as fuck, man. Did he bring all his kids to the show? No, I met one kid and I was- How many does he have? He's got a lot, right?

Starting point is 00:45:36 I think 12 or 13. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And see? That's that sister wife life. Sister wife life. And- They all live in one house, huh? No.

Starting point is 00:45:44 Yeah, they do. That's what I heard. No, they don't. Yes, they do. All right, let's talk about sex. Yeah, I, life. And- They all live in one house, huh? No. Yeah, they do. That's what I heard. No, they don't. Yes, they do. All right, let's talk about sex. Yeah, I said it, sex. You're doing it, you're thinking about it. Or you're Googling weird stuff at 2 a.m. pretending it's for research.

Starting point is 00:45:53 I see you. Look, if you want to level up your bedroom game, and I mean really take it from eh to, oh my God, you need to hit up adamandeve.com. They've been in the pleasure biz longer than some of you have been alive. They're giving you 50% off just about any item. One item, half off.

Starting point is 00:46:09 You could get a toy, a swing, edible underwear. I don't know your kinks, I don't want to, but I support them. And free shipping on everything. No extra charges, no weird fees, no surprise. We're charging $14.99 for mystery handling. Nope, just fast, discreet, brown box goodness. And yes, I said discreet. It won't slap a giant.

Starting point is 00:46:25 Here's your giant dildo sticker on the box. Your neighbors will never know unless you want them to. Just go to adamandeve.com and use my code, whiskey. That's W-H-I-S-K-E-Y. One more time, adamandeve.com, code whiskey. 50% off free shipping and a good time is just a few clicks away. Stop settling, spice it up, you're welcome.

Starting point is 00:46:44 That's offer code whiskey. This episode is brought to you by Adidas. When the frustration grows in the doubtful, shipping and a good time is just a few clicks away. Stop settling, spice it up. You're welcome. That's Offer Code Whiskey. This episode is brought to you by Adidas. When the frustration grows and the doubts start to creep in, we all need someone who has our back to tell us we'll be okay, to remind us of our ability to believe because their belief in us transfers to self belief and reminds us of all that we're capable of. We all need someone to make us believe. Hashtag, you got this. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio

Starting point is 00:47:10 has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit

Starting point is 00:47:34 connectsontario.ca please play responsibly no they literally do not Nick's I follow all of them on Instagram oh you do different houses that's so fun of them as a girl on selling sunset who's that Brie TSC I don't know I know the show I've seen I've heard of the show you probably wrecked she's long long breathe I need to look it up now what is it Brie T TSE like T oh yeah she doesn't look like anybody looks like everybody I know everyone has the same face. Everybody here has the exact same face. Isn't it crazy? It's like they're like, make me her.

Starting point is 00:48:07 I know, like heart face, heart shape. They just reconstruct you. Hey, Maddie, nice to meet you. You are so funny tonight. It's a four bed, four bath in Beverly Hills. It's gorgeous. You're gonna love that. For me, the favorite part is the sauna.

Starting point is 00:48:24 Sauna. Wanna part is the sauna. Sauna. What a cup in the sauna. Hold on my eyes falling. Hold on. Hold on. My filler migrated. It moved. Push it, let me push it. Let me push it back. Just push it up. It is so sad when you see that especially someone like Donatella Versace who is like has all the money in the world I know you have all the money. I know buy a new head you could buy She cut it right because there's new like look at Lindsay Lohan She came back and now she's everyone's like her face looks at Chris Jenner. Yeah, I Lindsay Lohan looks legit She looks like she used to I know whoever did that is mysterious plastic all-in-one surgeon. Well, it's the Illuminati

Starting point is 00:49:02 Once you drink the baby blood dude, then they reconstruct your face. Yeah game over. I'm excited. I'm pumped. I'm in line. Yeah I'm number 38. Yours is gonna be good. Cannot wait. Lindsay Lohan 38 years old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah when you're 38 or 39 and I'm in the 38th on the list I know. It's getting close. Are you into Bot't do both guys because you I'll be casually talking to someone and they'll be like they'll be like yeah I do. No I do. I don't know any men that you know men that do both times. I don't think we know any men that do both. I know most of my women friends do it.

Starting point is 00:49:43 If not all of them. I would say every one of my any men that do both. I know most of my women friends do it. If not all of them, I Would say every one of my girlfriends out here does both. I'm trying to think Yeah, that's gross. Yeah, you're way too young like a 25 is insanely young to do Botax. Okay, six I know dude. It's the same fucking thing mid 20s is way too. Excuse me. I have girls on my show Oh, you're so funny, and I think they're 40 plus because their faces are injected. Yeah, they did it wrong We're 26 you look older when you do it. I know I don't understand that yeah, you shouldn't be allowed to do Botox Before 40 I agree. I think after 40 I feel like I get when a woman is like you don't know what it's like You know I I get it. I get it. I'm pre all of this I'm gonna watch our moms growing up like my mom was always like tightening her neck

Starting point is 00:50:23 I know pulling down on her neck so I get that my mother used to say that all the time That's womanhood. She was like I want this I want this. Yeah, they're always like if I could just pull Yeah, if I could just pull it off They also had children too so I understand that my mom was like you don't know what it's like for a woman I'm like I get it but pre-40 I don't think you need it And I also think you can use it to Tighten and accentuate but this whole face changing thing don't change your face I always thought we were supposed to be like this is my face sounds good

Starting point is 00:50:47 Well people where we come from the originals and most people in the Midwest don't really fuck with their shit They don't really it's not really our thing. That's a very coastal thing. That's yeah, that's that's a New York fantasy That's an LA thing you see people move to LA and then like a year later They they got all their bunch of shit done. Yeah, influence of it look like a different person Yeah, but New York has it too by the way make no mistake Oh, yeah, New York absolutely that shit New York is just some more sly about it LA is more like go all the way totally York is slowly but New York is a little bit at a time Yeah, it's my friend will come to dinner. She's like do you like my lip slip and then a couple weeks later

Starting point is 00:51:23 Then there's fake wash that's what I could use I fucking as a white Irish my god do we not have lips I mean I could my god my god I could use my lip and you remember when you were growing up my your parents lip their lip curls when they get mad at you yeah sit down young man sit her lips are gone yeah like you look so ugly mom your lips are gone oh we were born with no lip whenever I shave my whenever I, I'm always like, fuck, there's nothing under there. There's nothing there. It's just mustache mouth. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:51:50 It's just mustache against the mouth. I feel like part of my lip is inside my mouth. You have bigger lips than most Irish. I know, I feel good about it, but then, you know. You're lucky. While they're not. Thin lip bitch. Is that what your nickname was?

Starting point is 00:52:00 Thin lip flat ass bitch. Thin lip flat ass bitch. Kind of. And what's your retort? I'll usually be like, you're gay, blah. Yeah, can't get hard. I have a good credit score. Yeah Yeah, credit score. I'll call the cops on your barbecue right that's good She's so like that yeah But that's the irony because of you doing well now you're invited to the barbecue

Starting point is 00:52:20 I know and I feel like I can say I'll call the cops when I leave the barbecue Yeah, soon as I leave I don't want I have F I can say... You're like, I'll call the cops when I leave the barbecue. Yeah. As soon as I leave. Because I have FOMO. Right, you gotta be there. So... What do you bring to the barbecue? You're invited to a barbecue. If I was invited... What do you bring? I bring brownies. To a black barbecue? Brownies. Because anything with savory, they're gonna get black. You don't want to bring blackies? Careful.

Starting point is 00:52:38 So stupid. So dumb. Guys, I bought a tray of blackies. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good You're invited to barbecue bring brownies and I'll tell you why cuz savory You know you're gonna watch them be like yeah, you can't do savory sweet You can do they'll get mad who the fuck brought this mac and cheese is it salt on the brownies Maybe I'll do a little stuff you have then you don't know who the fuck put salt on these brownies Yeah, this way this white bitch puts salt on the motherfuckers

Starting point is 00:53:06 Then they fucking shit on you the whole time it's over so you gotta be careful Is that the beauty of that show by the way that like people can you can make fun of race together on that fucking show? That's I always say like it annoys me so much that when people are like whoa, dude What you that's not you don't want to say that it's like this is proof that you can mock each other Yeah with love. I agree. It's funny. I agree.. It drives me nuts that the other world doesn't want to do it. The other TV worlds are still like, oh my god, dude, bro. Let's take it and let's beat down on the whites. Yeah, only beat the whites.

Starting point is 00:53:34 I know Wild N Out's Lowbrow, but it is like a classic of just- What's Lowbrow about it? It's just old school comedy. Just that it's kind of like a drop down menu of, it is old school. It's just old school making fun of each other. It's shitting on each other. If you don't get your goddamn If you don't get your goddamn Shoes like great body by blah blah blah. It's fucking fun. It's fun. It's fun. It's old school

Starting point is 00:53:53 Yeah, comedy supposed to be fun. Okay, the idea that comedy is snooty. Yeah I hate when people get mad at crowds and obviously I get off of like that kind of felt kind of weird But it's all it should be all hokey cat skills skills, eh. If someone does, has a bad joke, oh boy. It should be all fake and like. It's not real. Yeah, it's not real. Everyone's so emotional. I said that last night.

Starting point is 00:54:13 That fucking crowd. It's not real. That fucking crowd. It's not the crowd, dude. That joke, that one joke bomb. They don't like your shit. Yeah, and sometimes they don't like your shit. We should be able to be like,

Starting point is 00:54:20 hey, it's hokey time. I shit the bed, my bad. Yeah, we should laugh about it because it's comedy and we're clowns. That's why I kind of like it. When you look at the originals, hey, it's hokey time. I shit the bed, my bad. Yeah. That was bad. We should laugh about it, because it's comedy, and we're clowns. That's why I kind of like it. When you look at the originals, you look at old school comedy. I mean, Pratt Falling was like a fucking, being a goof

Starting point is 00:54:32 was a big part of it. Yes. And you can have both sides of comedy, but I just think like, I don't know. It's time for the world to have a little bit less, we need to be shitting on everything. Agreed. That show shit on a lot of stuff.

Starting point is 00:54:43 And it does give you this wonderful hall pass to say wild ass bullshit. Yeah, it does. Because in stand up, they come out, they know. I love that. It's going to be some crazy shit. Not crazy, but just jokes about. You can joke about black people and... And no one's going to go, this white bitch.

Starting point is 00:54:56 No, no one's ever. But that's the thing. You can joke about black people because you're so fucking white. Yes. You're so fucking white. Yeah. You can do it. Absolutely. If you were like a reg white, you can do it. Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:55:05 If you were like a reg white, they'd be like, careful now. And I've seen it on the show. I got on the show and I said edgy for the show, edgy, and they loved it. But then like another white person came the next season and they would be like, ffff. Careful now. Careful white. For that person's jokes, yeah. It is funny, it's because it's contingent upon the person presenting the joke.

Starting point is 00:55:24 Yes it is. It's always contingent. But you're so like, this white bitch, you is funny. It's because it's contingent upon the person presenting the joke. Yes, it is. It's always contingent. But you're so like, this why bitch? You're that? Yeah. So then it's free reign. And I'm like, hey, I look like I got dropped off in the wrong neighborhood. So then they're like, all eyes on me. And then when I tell them, look at black dudes, and I'm like, you all look the same. They're like, yo!

Starting point is 00:55:40 Yo, this why bitch? Go what girl? Go what girl? Just holding your purse tight the whole time? Yeah like, where's my Uber? But I think it's a great baseline for... It's fun. My audiences are just like jokes. They love jokes.

Starting point is 00:55:56 Yeah they love you, cause they know you're... it's like, you know I'm kidding. You know it's all fake. You know this is not real. That's what drives me the most nuts. Like last night it was a little bit older of a crowd. But it is funny to see their faces sometimes when you say some wild shit and they're like, I know. And you're like, lady, lady.

Starting point is 00:56:09 In his face. Lady, this is not real. Like I have a joke that's like, I found my mom's dildo in high school. It was huge. It barely fit. Obviously I didn't put my mom's fucking dildo in my face. Like why is every people go, oh my God.

Starting point is 00:56:21 And even if you did. Even if I did. I washed it. Is it in, they, I do jokes about swallowing cum people act like the comes in Their mouth. Yeah You are good, yeah, don't worry about it. It's not good. I'm the one who got rude, okay Tell a dark joke like don't act like you're the one with a dick in your ass. I did I was the one with a I'm the one with the dick still in my ass in my ass right now. It's stuck Yeah, yeah, I think it's turning though. I think people people are more

Starting point is 00:56:53 Becoming more aware than ever that it's that who gives a shit because the internet Internet's more free now. Yeah great and the Internet's darkest fuck. Yes It is the darkest you couldn't say anything as dark as the internet has great Twitter might be the darkest place in the world I can't go on and I can't go. I'm only a truth social guy my friend Whiskey ginger brought to you by truth social. Please sign up use code bombed them bombed them Hashtag bombed them and you can catch me on threads catch me on threads By the way, yeah, Instagram keeps trying to get me over to threads I think I nice try Instagram I don't know what but Twitter is like you open Twitter and it'll be n-word Ray stuff that's mine those are my tune those are

Starting point is 00:57:33 my tune I wrote those are mine back to back just our tech that's just me and you yeah what are you talking about stupid or it'll be trans yes a woman and it used to be that stuff would only be on my feed if someone was quote tweeting it and now it's Kumeya is right on my feed yeah Kumeya is right on my feed all these people and it's a Ben Shapiro it's weird how they promote who they end up promoting and I don't even ask for any of that shit but then you have to click on yes follow you have to do only the people that you follow because the for you I think I'm on the wrong yeah it's curated and it's and it's promoted yeah it's bullshit it's, it's bullshit. It's bizarre

Starting point is 00:58:06 It's bullshit. Yeah, do you read comments about yourself? Oh my god. No, what a fucking nightmare Yeah, what are you doing over there? I try not to get out of there. I try not to yeah But it hurts your feelings when you read something bad not anymore Not anymore unless it's specific about a certain anxiety that I have give me one So say it whatever it is, say it. Someone said you, I don't know if it's about, I don't know, let me go. You know what it is.

Starting point is 00:58:38 If it's like a, What is it? Does fat people say I'm white? If someone says on a standup clip, I'm ugly. I'm like, that's not, it's factually, I'm a normal looking person. But also, what does that have to do with my stand-up? And what does that have to do with my stand-up?

Starting point is 00:58:48 Say my stand-up sucks. At least just say my stand-up sucks. At least just say my stand-up sucks. I don't care what you think of how I look. I'm fine if you're like, your stand-up sucks. I'm like, fine. Right. That's fine.

Starting point is 00:58:57 I guess, yeah, it doesn't. Don't come at my looks, dog. I don't care if they come at my looks, cause I know that I'm not. No, it's not that, I just mean like, it's an irrelevant comment just mean like what it's An irrelevant comment. It's like it's a route. Yeah, are you making this comment? Just say you hate the joke I don't care. It has nothing to do with the other thing what I think a

Starting point is 00:59:14 Hurtful comment not hurtful is like some of her stuff is good, but this wasn't it you know Yeah, like that. Yeah, but you know well. I carry with more hurtful as you go on in life and comedy Sometimes I'll find that likes they'd like something that I don't even think is that good that drives me the but you know, well, I carry it with more hurtful as you go on in life and comedy Sometimes I'll find that like they like something that I don't even think is that good that drives me the way you know We're like, dude, this is so funny and you're like, that's not that funny I know and then it's the one that just fuck am I wrong feeds comments for like a year You're still getting that comments on this one. That's not fucking I know I mean do the amount of people that yell I'm Bobby mom to me in public. Yeah, I Would that was a yeah, that wasn't, it was like a throw away thing we had.

Starting point is 00:59:47 Yeah, now it's, now it's your merch. It's now my, yeah. I'm Bobby Mom. I mean, they love it though, but I get it. I think it's fun. It's fun. I do like it, but never in a million years would I be like, dude, that clip's going to go.

Starting point is 00:59:59 Right. I didn't, we've put so much out from that show that I'm like, it's weird they pick, the things that people pick is very odd It's very odd it reminds you that you have no idea what they're gonna like so you might as well Just write what you like yeah great, and then hope that they like some of them. Yeah, totally agree that is proof that I was like Yeah, I don't know who someone from the crew was like you know that clip is going crazy viral And I was like what the Bobby mom mm-hmm, and they're like oh, dude Yeah, and it was tens of millions of shares on different platforms, and I was like, what? The Bobby mom? And they're like, oh dude, yeah. And it was tens of millions of shares on different platforms.

Starting point is 01:00:27 And I was shocked. Insane. I mean, it's rad. More people watch the show. I love that. I just couldn't have chosen that one. Yeah. I would never have. You just never know. Hey, turns out...

Starting point is 01:00:38 You never know. I mean, look at Hawk Tuah. She didn't know that was going to be her moment. I'm actually dating her. Oh, I didn't know. I apologize for bringing it up. That's cute, that's fun. Yeah, my wife was like, I think you should date her. Just for public persona thing. Yeah, and I think it's good.

Starting point is 01:00:55 It's like a good crossover. We have a similar kind of audience. She's such a force. She's a force to tour, tour de force. She's a force to tour. Even talking to her, it's like, you really have a good head on your yeah she's got it is good and she's the whole thing she spit on that thing you spit on a dang yeah when I

Starting point is 01:01:11 saw that girl do that and then as soon as the clip opened up and then you saw the world of this young lady my true immediate thought was no chance she sucks good dick right no chance no no I know. Right. No chance. No. No. I know the girl that does that thing that she's referring to. Doesn't look like her. I know who that girl is. The girl who does that is hungry.

Starting point is 01:01:30 She's hungry to spit on that thing. She can churn, dude. The girls who have been the best at head are just so obvious about it. Like they know they're good at head. Absolutely. And they push it on you. Where they're like, nobody sucks a dick the way that I suck it I'm good on the blowjob actually no you're getting a blowjob

Starting point is 01:01:51 yeah Dyson just the Dyson cordless stick on your fucking day yeah she never looked like that I never bought it when she said that I was like she does yeah no way no way that's like she looks like a girl that does the thing to her boyfriend where she's like you'll get a blowjob on Christmas I'm absolutely hanging the blowjob over you right hanging a dry blowjob over you to a year. That's it Yeah, and you're like you spit in your hand. She's like you know that's so weird of you to ask don't be that fucking That's gross. You're disgusting. Oh stop. Don't touch me. I Grow up. Stop, don't touch me. I love mean girlfriends, I love mean, I love like that every relationship is like unhappy.

Starting point is 01:02:31 What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart.

Starting point is 01:02:59 Groceries that over-deliver. I feel like every boyfriend and girlfriend hates each other and they just stay. But you're happy. I'm happy. We're happy. Yeah. Yeah life is okay But why like people you ever hang out with couples? I hate him. I hate him. We talked about this morning We literally talked about that at breakfast this woman that we were with she was like Shitting on her husband in my in front of us. Yeah, I was like, what is that about? I thought you know if I can hate him. No, she was like he's such a dumb

Starting point is 01:03:22 What did I she said? He's like he keys and he can't get it or not that he can't get it up It was I can't keep it up or something okay TMI, but and and then she's like laughing it off mm-hmm And then also he was like shut will you shut the fuck up? And it's like wait a minute hold on is this really yes Yeah, dude Yeah, dude, I can keep it up dude. I just hire a team of puppeteers to do it. They string up my dick, dude. Pull it up like a marionette. Like a marionette, dude. Make it dance, dude. Bands make them dance, dude.

Starting point is 01:03:53 Make my dick do a puppet show. Anyway, what else is going on? My guest today is political candidate. Whatever the fuck. My guest today is Kim Jong Un. Kim Jong Un, dude. Cool, dude. So, you have the North and the South, south dude or just up top dude. It's up top dude. Okay cool Have you thought about doing south? I'm from the south dude. I'm from the mole it good would it by the way Theo of all people could get Kim Jong in He like and get like a legit interview episode like who is it today? Yeah, it's either garbage man, or it's Kim Jong I'm like who is it today? It's either garbage man, or it's Kim Jong-un

Starting point is 01:04:34 Kim Jong-un is like my son really like you Theo, so that's why I'm here Yeah, his son is a massive Theo fan. That's how you hear all these things like like fucking Trump is like oh Yeah, my son loves Theo Yeah, that Twitter was like give it up Barron the unsung hero getting his dad booked on Trump and Rogan. We are living in the most dystopian version of comedy internet. It's the fucking weirdest thing in the world. It's bizarre. That's so strange.

Starting point is 01:04:54 I don't know. I was, not to be like, I'm like a Kamala person. If I was Kamala, whoever ran on the Democratic. She did do podcasts, by the way. I know, but I feel like I you know, I like when you're I'm a woman in comedy. Yes, so there is a for now for now, but I have been thinking about transition Do it just spending time in LA double dog Daria. You're here. This is the home of it I know get some tea in me. Hey, I'm at you fully. I'll get you some tea We got a bit get the violet tea a mat nice to meet you

Starting point is 01:05:23 You ever see when when girls turn into men and they turn into like, kind of wagers? I'm like, damn, you were kind of like, kind of like stylish and intellectual before. And now I'm like, I was really turning into like a- What up, bro? What's up, dude? What's up, dog?

Starting point is 01:05:40 The fuck is that about, bro? Change their entire vernacular? Yeah, change like their whole thing. That shit is fire as fuck They wear clothes from like champs sporting goods It's funny watching people transition and Taylor girl, what is this? Also when guys transition into girls they were like funny. It's funny. It's not all I sound transphobic I sound transfer, but there's no style.

Starting point is 01:06:06 At first they're just wearing guys or wearing girls, any clothing. So they'll be like, it's a dress. I'm like, it's fucking ugly. You know when girls lose weight and then they just wear like any clothing that fits, but there's no style to it. It's just like dress.

Starting point is 01:06:23 Dress. Dress. Give me dress. Dress. Dress! Give me dress! Dress! I'm woman now! So anyway, what I was gonna say about, I feel like if I was Kamala, I would be like, it's a man's game. Why, if I'm running for president,

Starting point is 01:06:34 I shouldn't have to do this man's game podcast world. Do the girls' game. Yeah. Which is what? Freaking brat. Brat. Big brat. It's big brat summer big Hey bitches I'm here with fucking Kamala fucking Harris and this crazy cunts running for president crazy kind Our first guest tonight on the kill Tony greatest fucking panel in the world. I only like half of her

Starting point is 01:07:09 The white half the white half ladies and fucking gentlemen, is she white I thought she was black and Indian Is she part white you my stupid as fuck dude? No. Yeah, she's not white. Oh, sorry Yeah, are you wait? No wait her daughter's a stepdaughter right step? Her husband's white and that's shame shame shame. I think she lost her daughter I think you lost cuz she married a white guy. Yeah a white dork. Yeah, that guy's fucking dorky as shit I mean look at fucking Serena Serena Williams She married a white dork to white dork can't marry a white door. Why dork there's no there's no game with white dork She's been a white dork, and she's you. Can't marry a white dork. There's no game with white dorks. She's married a white dork and she's you know, Crip walking with Kendrick. That's

Starting point is 01:07:47 the weirdest shit in the world. Yeah, that was very weird. Yeah. Also she's Crip walking, and correct me if I'm wrong, somebody told me her brother was shot by a Crip. Oh. I'm not kidding. Yes. You know she's from Compton. Google that. I think I read that after about her. Like her brother was killed in gang warfare, right? And you're like wait what you are you crip walking and your family was killed right fucking? This might be all internet fodder But she was crip walking at the Super Bowl and her brother did die in gang warfare here in Compton. That is true I don't know who killed as he was struck by a gunshot that seemingly came out of nowhere

Starting point is 01:08:25 It could have been assumedly gang related, but Okay, oh yeah, dude all these stray bullets just accidentally flying around town Yeah, dude. I was just at the intersection in no dude. That's clearly gang warfare gangs a stray But yeah, maybe it wasn't aimed for him, but he was around a gang and was killed that was meant to kill another person Yeah, look at the articles are yeah unless it was an ice raid. Oh, yeah Lady we're really touching all the hot tops. I know this is topical as fuck. Yeah, we got a state topical Yeah, you gotta be on a Tel Aviv We gotta stay topical. Yeah, you gotta be on a Tel Aviv

Starting point is 01:09:13 Governor Maddie Smith for governor of California blow fucking Gavin out of the water get over here, dude We need you I saw Tim doing at the stand last night and He's back in New York. I was to say this comedy store. Oh, he's here I was just gonna say I was like, I don't know when he went back. I stayed at his house But really out in the seems probably I went to his house in the Hamptons last year. That's what I'm saying the Glamton. Oh yeah yeah yeah. Loved it. Loved it. So fun. What a fun little vacation. Yeah. I want to live out there. Grass, grass, pool. I love a pool and grass. Yeah pool and grass. Yes. Pool and grass is king shit. Oh so nice. One day. Tim was like I know it seems funny but it is getting

Starting point is 01:09:45 bad it's it's actually bad he's right I think it's funny but it's actually I do want to tell people like it's bad it's bad it is confusing I don't know what to do what to do you know what you just stay on to it no no yeah you stay touring that's what you're doing just book Souljoe's today fucking game over so see you in Pennsylvania and what about special? I'm gonna film one in the fall 30 minutes. You know what you're gonna call it Fucking bitch ass suck my dick fucker. No lip. No lip. What was the thing? They called you lipless Flat-ass bitch lipless flat-ass bitch. Oh thin lip flat-ass bitch. That's kind of fun. That's fun. That's actually very fun That's fun. You too will have to think about, you know, sort of monetization

Starting point is 01:10:26 purposes, the use of the word bitch in the title. Every agent. Yeah. I like that you're bold and you're daring. What I like? A compliment sandwich. Yeah. We love how funny you are. I don't have a manager, but I've been having people wanting to manage me. Yeah. Every single, every single meaning. Huge fans. Huge fans. But they never say like what they like about you. No, but what do you- They just say huge fan. But it's a, what an innocuous statement.

Starting point is 01:10:48 Huge fans. Huge fans. What does that mean? We've been watching you for a while, Maddie. I don't like that. We're fans. Yeah, we've hacked into your ring camera. We see you coming in and out of your own home.

Starting point is 01:10:58 Why do you have me so? I don't, yeah, managers, agents, all of it. They're all- They're all funny, they're all funny. They're all awful people. What do you mean? They're the worst people in the world? I know but it's that's just funny the way they talk scumbags and my agents will listen to this sometimes and they're like What's all that about? Oh, they listen your scumbags your scumbags. You're literally stealing money from me

Starting point is 01:11:16 I had a I might drop my manager in December because of a podcast thing. God bless. Yeah, get him out Yeah, bye actually do love my agent. I will say that. I like my agents But I don't but I mean there is but it is a thing that I would you know the old phrase is Performers will sit around and go about agents They'll go can you believe we got to give these guys fucking 10% and then agents will sit around talking about performers Go, can you believe we got to give these guys 90%? It's like that's the mentality hilarious, but that is the truth. Yes, it is. That they're like, we gotta fucking share the money with these fucking idiots.

Starting point is 01:11:48 And you're like, what? I'm, this is, I did it. I know. But that is the relationship we will always forever have. That's why it's just like, if you like someone you're with, you love them, but you're also like, fuck you. You know. You know, it's like a business thing. Yeah, it's all business. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:01 And we have to do it. We have to do it. We don't have a choice but to be in the business. No, no, no, it's good, it's good. We gotta stay in the, we gotta stay in the circuit. Because I wanna go, I wanna continue. and we have to do it We have to do it don't have a choice for the be in the business No, no, it's good. It's good. You got to stay in the circuit. I want to go I want to continue And I want my fans those of you that are still here after all of the stuff that we've said that's offended everybody under The Sun like today on this episode today on this episode. Yeah, I kind of got a little flagrant too Come on out Andrew

Starting point is 01:12:22 Come on out Andrew. Hey, what if Schultz came out with Charlamagne? Yeah, right, just popped out of the wall on here. Explain what you meant about all that black shit that you were talking about. Hilarious. Was that Charlamagne or Schultz? Both. They morph. You know they switch.

Starting point is 01:12:37 Right. You've never seen them in the same room. I've never seen them in the same room. Never seen them on camera at the same time. Correct. That's correct. It's always singles. It's always singles. Think about that. Yep. I did notice that.

Starting point is 01:12:45 You're on tour. Tell the people the dates. Look, this will come out probably in like six or seven months. Okay, great. So I'll be dead by then. You'll be dead. I'll be mad by then. You'll be mad. Yeah. I'll be transition. Just wearing champs clothing. I'm on fucking tour.

Starting point is 01:12:57 You're on the road forever. I'm on the road. So... MaddieSmith.com? MaddieSmithComedy.com. So annoying that you couldn't get the original. I know. Who has it it some dickhead I think it's like it's either like some girl who's in high school who's like a singer

Starting point is 01:13:09 Singer and then there was an old actor from 1940 whose name was Madeline Smith Oh, that's kind of tight. I think I walked wiped her off the Google of my name like she go She used to appear notes beatch number one sucka my dick. Ah, nice try bitch. Yeah, I'm at a smooth comedy comm always touring. I got a podcast It's called madhouse and My socials are so Maddie Smith. Yeah, why so Maddie Smith like so I was taking So so Maddie Smith. Yeah, so it's like that's so Maddie Smith. You know, I thought about so much the pills Somas are they called somas?

Starting point is 01:13:44 Whenever I saw your name on Instagram. I always thought of that Yeah, like Theo being the oven Soma pills yeah muscle relaxer. Yeah muscle relaxer. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, so Matt. Oh, yeah, yeah Yeah, Mike the girl I saw in college used to love these fucking things really love them Then she loved muscle relaxer. It was part of it for pooping too or no That's interesting. You say that That's interesting you know I'm kidding. Oh my god. I'm saying that's so fucked up to say no no she loved muscle relaxers I think she I do I think she really have you taken muscle relaxers before I know bitches love like I gotta be honest with you

Starting point is 01:14:21 It feels good. They're fucking the most rad You feel like jello you feel like it's probably the closest you can get the heroin But is it a controlled subs like you have to get out of pharmacy stupid question So you have to get a prescription for muscle relaxers. Yeah, is it controlled like the same way like oxy's are like like opioids? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, cuz I've done I've done you know when I had surgery I got oxy's and fire fire You start to understand the epidemic 100% Yeah Yeah, I bet you fat. I've never done fentanyl, but I bet it's fucking rad that it's rad I bet it's rad there's no chance you're slumped over on Kingston and Philly if it doesn't feel that good Yeah, exactly. You know you see that and you're like fuck dude, but I wrote a bad joke about that when I was

Starting point is 01:14:59 driving on the road about that I saw a guy when I woke up and walked out of my hotel and Philly a guy that I woke up and walked out of my hotel in philly a guy that was like completely bent over and as a forty one year old white guy I got jealous of his flexion I was like that can touch his toes that's so dope I might get on Fent just to be able to touch my toes again yeah yeah his muscles are lean he doesn't have a herniated disc

Starting point is 01:15:21 he's been stretching imagine imagine how good Fent got got. Fent people would be so good in yoga. Oh, yeah. They'd kill it. Like Pilates, a Fenty would kill it in Pilates. They could easily do pigeon pose. Pidge pose all day, dude. Happy baby. Happy baby.

Starting point is 01:15:36 Dude, walking past a guy just fucking, just zoning on Fentanyl being like, happy baby? Happy baby. Happy baby He was drooling out it is an epidemic and if you need help, please call this number down below Insane we have to say it we do we have to say it if you need help Everything we've said on the show is not real. It's all fake. It's all fake. We're just we're both AI We're just kidding around. Yeah guys were just joking It's a effing joke go to Maddie Smith comedy.com Go see Maddie Smith one of the one of the funniest

Starting point is 01:16:10 Comedians touring right now very funny very sweet very lovable and reminds me of my own family, so it's It's a part of my heart feels like thank you for coming up before you go down tonight. You're going to brea right? Yeah, I'm going to brea tonight Right with two shows you're coming you want to guess what oh? um oh Yeah, I'm going to Brea tonight. Two shows? You coming? You want to do a guest book? Oh, um, no. No. Wait, what is it? You're doing two shows?

Starting point is 01:16:30 No, just one. One show? Yeah. 8 p.m. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, should we go?

Starting point is 01:16:38 Did San Jose on Sunday too. It was cool. San Jose improv? Yeah. Who's doing Brea with you tonight? I got Shayna Rabani. Do you know her? No. She's kind of she moved here from Ohio Nice, you know, I know they all move here from Ohio. I know yeah, yeah, and then uh, I don't know someone's hosting and a local

Starting point is 01:16:51 Is hosting. Hope you get a good look. I know we'll see you always want a good look I know you hope you have any rules for the feature in the opener just so I know no no Try not to bomb and if you do bomb don't make it on you say like don't do crowd work and all That shit, or you know give a fuck. I have no rules. I have no rules other than Other than like just like try to have a good set and if you don't have a good set don't make it about you When you get back right? That's my pet peeve is like if a feature bombs They are host bombs in front of me as I'm about to go up. I fucking hated them Like I don't need that energy. Like come off silent.

Starting point is 01:17:25 You need to be silent when you get off and bomb. Yeah. It's all good. I'm not like a hard ass like out if you have a bad set. But don't be goo goo gaga. No, get no. Well I think yeah I mean I have a couple of rules. I'm pretty lenient.

Starting point is 01:17:37 But I say don't be dirty for the sake of being dirty. Write a good joke. Okay yeah. If it's a dirty joke make it a good dirty joke. Yeah. Don't just be dirty for the sake of being dirty. Totally. It's silly. Yeah. If it's in a joke it's good dirty joke. Make it a good dirty joke. Yeah, don't just be dirty for the sake of being totally it's silly Yeah, if it's in a joke, it's good. Totally and also I say to my host and my feature The host warm them up like ingratiate a little bit up top but then get right into jokes

Starting point is 01:17:54 Okay, yeah, and don't do crowd work for either them really. Yeah, and do you do crowd work or no? I don't yeah No, I don't and I think the reason I do and I you know Sometimes I'll talk to the crowd if I'm doing a club run. I will sometimes but not really I mean, I'm not really a crowd work guy similar I used to do a lot more and now there's shows I get off. I didn't even look at them Yeah, I'm not interested in talking these pigs. No. Yeah. No, I just no, I just know truthfully I it's not part of my zeitgeist anymore. I don't really it's not in my world It used I feel like when I maybe was on the road too early. Yeah. So I'd be begging for the light.

Starting point is 01:18:25 Well, you need the time. But yeah. But I think there's nothing wrong with it, but I always say to features and hosts, I always say like, if your job is to grow as a comedian, and you're with me to get more spots and to grow in the business, the only way that I think you'll do that is if you're writing a lot of material and you're continuing to work to grow as a comic. Yeah. Because just growing as a crowd work as a person who does crowd work, that's never gonna help you. Yeah, agreed. So I always I say that to every host and feature. I say like you know if someone

Starting point is 01:18:56 engages with you, yeah I'm not saying don't do any. I'm just saying do your best to get up there and just do your best shit. Yeah. Because it's only gonna show off to the managers and the people who run the clubs and to go, hey, dude, you should come back and do your own solo if you can go on an off night. Totally. That was always kind of my goal. I was like, don't do crowd work.

Starting point is 01:19:13 Yeah. It's not that I don't want you to. It's more, I think it's going to be better if you don't. I totally agree. Go smash your 15. Go do like a killer fucking set. Smash it. Smash.

Starting point is 01:19:21 And that way people are like, damn, dude. Yeah. She was fucking good. Agreed. So I think I've always brought people that just kind of You know Zach Townsend just went out with me. He's been going out with me. Love him dude. And Laura Peek who's a fucking killer, you know Nashville killers and then and then Chris O'Connor one of my closest homies I think we just kind of like everyone I ever wanted to work with was like Just write jokes and then that's so much stronger if you just write jokes. Just write jokes and then like I was always like how do I

Starting point is 01:19:48 want my 40s and 50s to look I want people to be like what's her new jokes? What's the new shit? Not the new crowd work. Right. Not the crowd work. And it's okay if you touch them a little bit if you say a little hey you know if you do the little thing. It depends what you like. If you like to write jokes and you want to get better writing jokes then do that now. As a stand-up. Live the life now that you want to, that you want it to be later. Yeah, I always look at the people I admire. I'm like, what do they do? Louie. Not really in the crowd much. Not really in the crowd much. Chappelle's not really...

Starting point is 01:20:14 Chappelle will be in the crowd if he does a long, long, long set. But he's still giving you a lot of jokes. Yeah. And those are my heroes. Louie, Chappelle and Matt Rife. I love Matthew. He, look, he made an entire career out of it, but that, and Matt Rife. I love Matthew. Look, he made an entire career out of it, but that's the problem with Matt. I've told him, I said, dude, you've done such a great job. You've influenced another generation of people who think they can do what you do.

Starting point is 01:20:33 Yes, they do. That's a bummer. And now people are posing crowd or close from open mics. Yeah, and I said, and Matt's very good and talented, so you're like, your ease of this makes other people think they could. That's the only bummer. I know. It's the same way where every dickhead guy watches like a professional athlete and they're like come on easy

Starting point is 01:20:48 Yeah, you're like are you fucking mine? I bought golf clubs That should have been in my special honey, I bought golf yeah, honey, honey, I bought golf clubs. I'm the next Dustin Johnson But I fuck up the name right. I'm the the next Dustin Johnson. Yeah, he's good. Yes, you are sweetheart. I love that Gretzky girl. Now eat your peas. I love that Gretzky girl. Go see this talented young comedian before she gets so big and she's on the Fent.

Starting point is 01:21:18 Yeah, before I'm on the Fent and before you can't afford my arena tour. So gross. Maddie's for the comedy dot com. We end the episode the same way. Look into that camera right there. Say one word or one phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready. Diaper. Say it again.

Starting point is 01:21:33 Diaper. Diaper. Yeah. I don't know. No, no, that was great. I'm not wearing one. That's enough. Okay, yeah.

Starting point is 01:21:41 In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you and that creature, you. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like bad guys, the ginger gene is a curse.

Starting point is 01:21:55 Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Maddy Smith

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.