Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Mark Normand

Episode Date: August 25, 2023

Oh boy are you in for a treat! You know him and you love him it's Mark Normand! What an absolute blast this one was! Strap in for a wild time. Be sure to check out his new special "Soup To Nuts" on Netflix OUT NOW! #marknormand #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcasts  ================================================= SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: WHISKEY https://rabbitholedistillery.com/drizly SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey ============================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Drink responsibly. Jump down the rabbit hole with me. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, it's Mark Norman. Comedy. This guy's so funny, man.

A good buddy of mine in comedy. I love him so much. He has a new Netflix special out right now. Go watch it, baby. Or you support Kevin Hart. It's either him or Kevin Hart. You gotta choose. Mark's out there on the road. Go check him out. I'm out there in the fall with Bobby Lee, Robert E. Lee, a direct descendant, and I are back

out in the fall. We're doing Pittsburgh, Rochester, Cleveland, D.C., Boston, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison. We're all over, and we're adding more dates as we go. Go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com for those tickets. I'm also

coming to Chicago. How did I leave out Chicago? Come on, dude, my home shite town. Go to badfriendspod.com and get those tickets, badfriendspod.com. Enough rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.

My guest today is one of my favorite people. I don't know if I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it's Mark Norman Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

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Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

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Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

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Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo I'm staying home. I want to, you know. Not you, baby. You're out and about. I'm out. I got a special to promote. He's got a special to promote right now.

Go watch his special right now on Netflix, although you don't need much promotion. It was in the top ten for a couple of weeks straight, and it pushed Tommy Segura's sledgehammer right out of the top ten. Moving along, Dickless. Cheers to that, dude. That's right. He's had enough.

He's got race cars and a kid with autism. That's why you know you made it. You got an autism kid. You're doing well. Does only one of them have autism or both? I assume one's a tard. I don't know. You gotta have one or two.

Yeah, that's true. Are you gonna have kids, by the way? I think in a year, I'd like to have a couple of rugrats. Yeah? Yeah. You hoping autism? Well, one, I wanna go full downs

just because I wanna put a leash on it and feed it glue and let it run. Just wanna let it run. Just want to let it run. Would you keep it attached to something, your kids? Yeah. To the radiator or something at the house like the old days? Yeah, something like a radiator. Or I'd put those big yellow barrels like in jaws.

Oh, yeah. So even if he got away, I could find him. Like, there he goes. You get up on the roof, you see the yellow going through the streets. There he is. Yeah. That's your, you know, when the parents have the kids share their location That's your share of your location

You're like, throw a light in that barrel, let him run around We'll know where he is I'll be on the roof, smile you son of a bitch I hit him with a blowgun He faints I read a whole thing about him that he was blacked out every day on that shoot Roy? Yeah, that he was annihilated on that shoot

Jesus Christ What happened to the mic? It's the bottom one. Hold on. Norman's mic just fell. That thing dropped like Biden. Going down. I read a thing that he got,

he was blacked out on like every single shoot. Really? Yeah, that he really took the character, especially during the scenes when he was really drunk at night. You know when he was getting an argument? By the way, for those that don't know, we're referencing Jaws.

And in the very iconic scene, he's drunk as shit at night, and apparently he was so fucked up when they first tried to do the take, they had to stop, right? They had to stop rolling because he was too fucked. He couldn't even say anything. Wow. But talk about getting into character, huh? I know, right? Men were men men were men back there baby smoking and drinking and snorting

Yeah Yes Spielberg said go ahead and drink and then it got real real bad Wow Spielberg said go ahead and get lit you're gonna get fucking Although it was his first movies. He was some weird Jew kid film guy So they didn't know that was also what he that's what he so he was some weird Jew kid film guy, so they didn't know. That was also what his title is, Weird Jew Kid Film Guy. That's his business card. But you got a new special out. Yeah!

Mark is one of the most, I would say, prolific comedians of our generation, who's so funny, puts out so much good stuff, and it's out right now on Netflix. It's a banger. It looks sparkly and pretty and beautiful. The kid looks cute, by the way. Man, oh man, the kid looks cute.

Oh, hey, dang, I got a little hair did. You got a little hair did? They hired a lady. She put a little goo in there, a little jizz. And it was fun. It was nice. A little spit shine on the old skull? Yeah.

Where did you do that again? You did it where? The Vic in Chi-Town. Oh, that's right. We talked about that. Love the Vic. What a great city. What a great fucking special. Although I'm the only dumbass who filmed during saint patty's so people are falling off the rafters

getting drunk somebody got a divorce sleeping heckling it was crazy we had what city were we in when they when two people threw up before the show even started where were we oh baltimore yeah baltimore talk about fucking nutbags oh yeah the show didn't even start we had to stop bob and i uh had to stop the first show because the stagehands came back, and somebody was like, dude, we got to delay at least 10, 15 minutes. And I was like, we were getting annoyed because I was like, dude, we're already behind. Yeah. Like, come on, man.

We got to go because people are going to get ornery. People are sitting there. You know, the people that show up on time are there like an hour early, and they're like, dude, come on. Exactly. The Asians. Yeah. You know?

Who show up to the Bobby side. I said, I said. Henry Adams. I said, when we start, you know, I said, when we start, just who cares if people are filing in? Yeah. And she was like, no, no, no, we can't.

Look, and I peeked the side curtain. Like, it looks like, it looked like if you had like hammered out a chunk of the crowd had just been ripped apart. Ah, yeah. And I was like, what is that? Like, they all stood up and ran away because some dude yacked over the seats.

Whoa. Threw up on people. Wow. Yeah, everywhere. I know, commendable. Whoever that dude is, congratulations, man. It's like Stand By Me with the pie-eating contest. The castor oil.

Holy shit. So then he threw up, and then in the middle of the show, I guess, or right at the beginning of the show, someone threw up in a balcony. And they just threw up straight down into their seat, which was very polite. That's nice. If you're going to throw up, do it in your little vicinity. We should all have a little circle to puke in straight down into their seat which was very polite. That's nice. If you're gonna throw up, do it in your little vicinity. We should all have a little circle to puke in

in your own little world. Like Kate Moss. That's right. There you go. Well, she brings a bucket. Oh, good for her. They gotta go get a bucket. Used to be five gallon,

it's a ten gallon now. Oh. As time goes on, she needs more, there's more mass. Right. You know? She's getting older.

Did you ever date a model? Have you ever dated a model? Plus size. Plus, yeah, right? No, but no, I never, no, I'm not a model guy. Yes, you are. I like a weird face. I like a Sarah Jessica Parker. I like a banged up, wacky

grill. Right. You know, like a girl who's been hit with a shovel kind of mug. When you were a kid, who was your girl? Oh, I liked Salma Hayek. Ooh. I did like Angelina. I know that's hacky, but I was real into her. Why is that hacky? Well, everybody says her. Oh, I liked Salma Hayek. Ooh. I did like Angelina. I know that's hacky, but I was real into her. Why is that hacky?

Well, everybody says her. Oh, Jennifer Grey I loved. Oh, yeah, Jennifer Grey. With that honker. That's unusual. Yeah. She got a nose job and blew it. You were pissed about that.

She lost her whole career. The nose was the thing. Mine was Kathy Ireland. Do you remember her? Oh, yeah. A swimsuit model? Big square head. Big square head.

A big, dumb Irish head. Yes. I loved Big square head. A big, dumb Irish head. Yes. I loved it, too. Jar head with your blue, blue beauty. Big blue eyes. That's what I always looked at, her eyes. No cans on her, really. Yeah, not at all. Yeah, that made me... No boobs, no butt. Yeah, I didn't like that. Her legs touched her throat.

It was all legs. Yeah. My dad bought a poster of her one time for me, and then like a poster of her one time for me. And then, like, a jag off. Like, such a guy. You forget that your dad is also just a guy. Right. Like, he gave it to me, and he's like,

don't let me find it stuck to the wall without glue. You know what I mean? I was like, all right, get the fuck out of here. That's a cool dad. Yeah, he was. Well, dude, he saved my life multiple times. Like, we would have girls over in the basement, because in Chicago, basement's where you go to hook up.

Like, in the Midwest, it's so funny, when I moved out west, there is no basements because the ground is is made from sin out here yeah they can't get below the earth their wives are in there that's right but so I was like god where do people where do young people go to hook up when they're in high school because basement was our respite to like get away from everybody yes and one time I had brought a girl home and I guess I didn't know my parents had come home because i they were out for the night and the next day my dad like pulled me aside and was like you're you know how fucking lucky you are and i was like why are you so mad at me and he's like you know your

mom was gonna come downstairs we got home at so and so oh and he goes and i stopped her and made her come do something with me around the house and he goes i had to make up work for her to do just to get you out of it and i was like you're one of the greatest men alive what a what a dude he's got you got your mom in the kitchen cook bitch yeah and she's like jesus christ and he's just all for you but you know what it really was he knew that it's more it's not that he didn't want her to catch me it's more he didn't want to have to deal with it ah you know what i mean like yes the embarrassment is one thing but then it's like now my dad has to deal with my mom being emotional and angry about this and that. And then discipline you.

Right. He's like, I can just nip this in the bud, be annoyed for another hour pretending that I'm going to cover up for the kid. I love this guy. He's a good man. The Irish go to the basement, Jews attic. I read the diary. How does it end? I haven't gotten there yet.

But you know, I always thought if she was a little older, wouldn't that diary just be full of handjobs? Like, we're lucky they got her when they did. Or that book would be just finger popping. Right, right, right. You know? It's a fun thought. Every single day I got fingered again.

Yeah. That's all it says. Even the dad's like, when are the Nazis showing up? Jesus Christ, this is so uncomfortable. Yeah, the basement hookup with my dad saved my life. What a guy. Many times he did that thing. Also, embarrassing. hookup with my dad saved my life. My dad did that many times. He did that thing. Also, embarrassing.

I think I've told that on the show, but my mom caught me with my high school girlfriend getting head. Whoa. Yeah. Fucking is less intimate than head. Yeah. For a mom, I think. Well, it was so weird.

My mom walked in the room, and I didn't know what to say, and I remember, like, I mean, it was like, it was in slow motion almost. Like, when she walked in, everything froze. And I was like, how could, my brain was like, how do you get out of this? How do you get out of this? You know, it was like spinning. Like, what can I say?

And immediately, I just threw the blanket over us. And I was like, just get the fuck out. That's all I said. Get the fuck out. That's pretty good. Yeah, that was it. And my mom was like, oh, my God. Slammed the door.

It was so uncomfortable, man. She's like, I saw my son getting brain. And then also, my girlfriend was like so embarrassed and freaked out. But you should... Yeah. You gotta console me. I've been through a lot. You suck all this out of me, will ya?

I'm gonna be so sad later. Get some of the sadness out of me. So do you have a MILF thing now? No. Your wires got crossed. You saw your mom. No. No, you know what? Okay. Because I black, I was literally in a panic state.

It was fight or flight. And I was like, all I could think about was, I don't remember seeing what my mom, how angry or upset or shocked she was. It was more like a human presence. Yes. And my brain was like, how could you possibly get out of this? Yeah. And it came up with nothing.

Of course. Nothing. It's a tough moment. Yeah, you're out. You never got caught, did you? My dad caught me yanking it. Oh, no. It was a bad yank, too.

It was one of those, like, let me really get into it, like, pants around the ankle, lotion, Kleenex, loud porn. I didn't think he was home. And I was watching MILF porn, so I think he saw it and he was like, eh, I've been there, you know. And yeah, he was just like, Jesus! Holy hell! And I was like, Dad! You know, and I had to waddle to the door and, you know, dong waving. Pants on the ankles, waddling.

Bad waddle. Penguin walk. It's sad when you've got a whole shop set up. Yes, yes. The set up is so embarrassing. It's the worst. And then we had dinner later and it's such man shit. We're like, never came up. You know, it's like me and my dad are both quiet. My mom's like, what's up with you two?

And I'm like, oh, you know, the saints lost. You know, we're upset. But we never brought up again. That's it. You never spoke about it even as an adult? Never once. Do you guys ever have those kind of talks? No, no.

No reminiscing of the past? Very southern, waspy kind of. They were military. Oh, yeah. They're not going to say anything. Nah, nah. We've talked about your old house before, though, but then did you grow up, like, was it, was everything militant?

Like, was it clean, like, super clean and squeaky? No? Not really. They were kind of hippies who went to the army to get, like, see the world. They didn't care about war. They hated war. They hated fighting. They hated guns. But they're like, eh, we'll get a check and we'll see the world. They didn't care about war. They hated war. They hated fighting. They hated guns.

But they're like, eh, we'll get a check and we'll see the world. That's actually really smart. That's like Ari Shaffir. That's basically what he is. Yeah, yeah. But the idea of my mom

doing push-ups for a drill sergeant is insane. She has Crocs on and red glasses, you know, and a short gray hair. Really? So the idea of her being like G.I. Janning it

is insane to me. Keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth, okay? Keep my wife's name out your. That guy, talk about a fucking bounce back, man. Amazing. He's great. He's fine, dude. You think? No one cares. He's crying on camera every, like, I'm so sorry. I think

no one cares. He came out with that movie. What was that movie he came out with? It was a slave movie. Yeah. You directed that, didn't you? Yeah. So much experience. I mean, how could they pick from somebody who hasn't done it before? Right. Well, you know.

We've got to get Norman. Will Smith's used to backlash. Oh, buddy. God, I love seeing you. Wait, did you come in to promote and to jump around, or did you have something specifically you needed to be here for? A little of both. I'm jumping around for the special, doing pods and then uh the ace theater i'm doing

the ace theater on friday oh wow is that tomorrow what day is tomorrow's friday oh geez i'm all wonky yeah the ace theater downtown right isn't it yeah downtown that beautiful landscape down there yeah it's gorgeous it's gorgeous rei is cleaning up that's right downtown yeah uh if you are going to the show this is this will have already downtown yeah if you are going to the show this will have already aired but if you're going to the show

if you have gone to the show I hope you were able to uber helicopter into the gig and get dropped off on the rooftop it's the most disgusting

part of Los Angeles of course that's all I hear I have a news story I'm out in New York and all I hear is like downtown Skid Row fentanyl

stabbings yeah but it's funny but you guys normalize that a little bit. I will say the one thing New York does that makes me laugh is like, we'll go, like I was on the phone last night and I said, there's a guy on Wilcox, like a homeless guy, running down the street with a baseball bat. And, you know, on the other line, people in L.A. would be like, oh shit, that's fucked, that's crazy.

But like you fucking idiots,'ll say if you say that new york they're like oh what is that are you on the two like where are you like they know i know that guy i remember that guy is he throwing glass like to new york people it's just it's like i know that guy seen that guy we're at least more shocked by the chaos you guys are so embedded with chaos it's almost like it's a functioning part of society it's true it's just part of it you got the milkman the bread guy and the hobo with the bat. Right. We had a guy at McDonald's

with a hammer, and then the worst part about New York is they put these guys in jail and they get out in like an hour. Yeah, they're not gonna keep them. No.

Well, that's new New York rules, right, that catch and release program? Yeah, it's horrible. We used to be stop and frisk. That's right, baby. And now it's really flipped and reversed, and now you get in trouble

for saying homo or whatever. Right. So I'm going to jail for three days for saying homo. The hammer guy is out going to jail for three days for saying homo. The hammer guy is out in an hour. It's all backwards.

Like Elon Musk got his sign taken down and the city's in hock. It's like, he's taking a shit on the sidewalk. Every business is leaving. You can steal a thousand

dollars worth of merchandise but Elon's sign, whoa. That big X. Big X, can't have that. Can't have that big X. Unless it represents a group of people that we're not aware of yet. Latin X. That's right. That X. Can't have that. Can't have that big X. Unless it represents a group of people that

we're not aware of yet. Latinx. That's right. That's what he should have put. A Latin right next to it. He would have been golden. He just paid a Mexican guy to just hang out on one of those scaffolding right there. Just stand right next to it. Hello. Si. Latinx. Yeah, no, that is so funny. The cherry picking

of... Yes. The new-age cherry-picking and stuff. And I'm not talking about it from, like, a cancel point. I'm talking about what people are, like, okay with. You're like, how are we, California people, how could we be okay with this? We spent, like, a billion dollars on the homeless, on the, sorry, the... Unhoused.

Unhoused last year. Yes. Where's it going? They're still unhoused. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. I don't, I have zero idea what it does. Yeah, but I'll still keep...

I guess. I keep paying into it. Well, in New York, you guys pay into bullshit, too. All day long. So you would never move, though. You're not one of these guys. Like, Gillis and those guys are moving to Austin, right? I heard that.

I heard that. Well, you know, I always hear about L.A., all the stereotypes, but the traffic and the fires, but you come out here and it's fucking glorious. I went to Whitney Cummings pod the other day. Her compound is bananas. Have you been there? Yeah,

the sadness bounces off the walls it's so big. You can hear the anxiety echo through her house. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

The best part about LA is that. Yeah. At the very least you can have like a little bit of space. Yeah, just did Bert's thing.

He's got a podcast house. Yeah. I have an apartment. He has a podcast house and a real house. That's right. It's insane. The pool, the hot tub. He's like, you want to get a cold plunge?

He's got a dog running around. It's great. His daughter's hit on me. And then... Which one, though? The younger one, right? Whatever one is goth. I don't know what her name is.

Island. There you go, island. Yeah know what her name is. But yeah. Island. There you go, island. Epstein's island. Epstein. And you know, now, then I go back to my shitbox in New York, but you come out here and it's fucking beautiful. That sunset, the palm trees, Sunset Boulevard, the store is magical, the improv's cooking.

It's pretty great. It is. It's tough to ignore the really good shit here, because the good cooking. It's pretty great. It is. It's tough to, it's tough to, it's tough to ignore the really good shit here, because the good shit here is so fucking good. Yeah, and Tim Dillon is proof of that. That fat homo, he went down to Texas for six minutes and said, what the hell am I doing

here with these shit kickers? Well, that's insane. He has no business down there. No! What are you kidding? No, no, no, no, no. What, by the way, who is he gonna hook up with down there? Hitch Cliff? I don't know. He'll figure it out. Cut it out.

No, it's insane. I think, like, it's good for some people to shift and go somewhere else. You know, like, Theo to Nashville couldn't make more sense. Perfect. Couldn't make more sense. Perfect move. Burn even is making it work down there. Oh, yeah, he's down there.

Like, I know a guy, you know Dan Cummins? You know who that is? Yeah, yeah. Dan moved up north to Idaho. He's a good guy. He just wanted to get, like, I's down there. Like, I know a guy, you know Dan Cummins? You know who that is? Yeah, yeah. Dan moved up north to Idaho. He just wanted to get, like, I get it if you can move away to a different pocket, but I feel like if you're chasing the dragon, like a lot of those people did when they go down south. Right.

Specifically to Austin is that you're like, I don't know if this thing is going to have the thing you want because you're going kind of just for one little thing. Yeah, good point. But I don't know. McGill, he might love it, and he might make a little compound and do a little compound and have all of his homies there, and maybe that'll work. He's very respected, so I think if he goes, it's kind of like, oh, like Segura, too. Segura, but you can't have one guy is not enough.

So, you know, you got Gillis, Brian Simpson. The more people who go, it might make it a thing, but right now it's still on the fence. Well, you're never going to touch the coasts. It's never going to be here or New York. I mean, it's just not going to. I don't care what people say. It's just that this is where the things started.

I don't know what else you want to... Yeah. It's tough to get away from it. Like Chicago, people are always like, why don't you go back to Chicago? I love Chicago. It's my city for the rest of my life. I'll love it forever. It doesn't have everything I need for this machine. Totally. If I didn't need the machine at all and I just

didn't feel like working as much, well, then sure, I could do it. But I don't know. I'm not there. Like, you know. And you've been there, done. It's almost like a girlfriend. Like, we had a great time.

I love her, but I got to move on. But maybe you go back a few times once in a while. Just dip in. Just a few times. Yeah, she did give good heads, buddy. She's Chicago. Yeah. What about, like, I might buy a house in New Orleans.

That's great. It's a great city, but I can't live there. It's too slow and too hot and too humid, and my parents are there. But I might, when they die, I might get a nice little... A little plot of land? There you go. You're planning on their death. Well, I'm just kidding.

They'll never die. They're fucking vampires. Are they? But, yeah, they hover. They don't walk. And they're terrifying. That's why they're near my dead. We loved your special, Mark.

Do they like your shit? I think so. Oh, that's not a're terrified. That's why they hear my dad. We loved your special, Mom. Did they like your shit? I think so. Oh, that's not a good sign. Yeah, it's tough to say. You think? You don't know? They've never said, hey, man, we liked it. Our friends saw it.

I said, hey, Mom, I got a special. And she wrote back, how long is it? Which I thought was comedy gold. No. I was like, that's fucking perfect. Like, they don't ever do the thing where they're like, somebody we know watched your thing. That's really nice. That they like.

When another guy likes it, they're like, hey, our friend Reginald loved it, and he said to pass it along. And I'm like, what about you? Yeah. No, no, no. My parents are the same thing. Well, my parents are probably more openly like, well, we saw that. They actually can't stand it when they're like, how come you don't tell us?

I did that Netflix show Beef with Ali. Oh, yeah. I did a couple episodes. But they were annoyed. They were like, why don't you tell us that you do that? I'm like, because it's not, yeah. I did a couple episodes, but they were, like, annoyed. They were like, why don't you tell us that you do that? I'm like, because it's not my show. I'm just jumping on a show.

Good point. And also, I don't know, you'll hear about it eventually somehow, someway. So they're like, they more get frustrated they didn't hear it first. They don't give a shit about it. It's not like they're like, they just want to be like,

we get to know first. Right. It's like, yeah, I guess. That's pretty good. I would take that. I'll let them know first. Yeah, next time I'll start to let them know. There you go. I won't. I'm going to hide everything. Right. It's like, yeah, I guess. That's pretty good. I would take that. I'll let them know first. Yeah, next time I'll start to let them know. There you go.

I won't. I'm going to hide everything from them. Just not. I like when they're like, you didn't tell us. It kind of makes me laugh. Then I'm like, oh, okay, you got me. You found it. That's a good point.

It's like leaving Easter eggs. Now, going back, what city, let's say you didn't do comedy. You got $10 million. You get to live any city in America. Where are you going? No comedy. It has to be America city in America. Where are you going? No comedy. Has to be America, huh? We're going America first. I was going to say, if I could, America

first is right, dude. That's right. This, you know who you're voting for in 2024, baby. There you go. America first. RFK Jr. Have you seen him shirtless? Come on. Yeah, well, I've seen him voiceless. I will say that. I love the guy, but my God. It's really tough to hear. It's tough. I kind of got used to it. Yeah, you did? I still haven't. I feel bad love the guy but my god it's really tough to hear it's tough

but i kind of got used to it yeah you did i still haven't i feel bad for the guy because i'm like man i want to hear what he's saying but i can't listen for long what's funny is the podcast president i'm like maybe this guy should have his face out there a little more because the voice is all i'm getting the ears are ruining me yeah he i if i could go anywhere for 10 mil uh if i had a bunch of money and i could move anywhere in the United States, but keep working, yeah? Well, comedy's tough because then you start going, oh, what's the club there? That's my point. That's where my brain goes.

But if you're just saying, if it's like someone's like, we're going to relocate you to just. Yeah, your choice. You pick. I would probably do, honestly, if it was just like goofball time to just, I would probably say like somewhere down in Florida. Oh, good one. Just beach disappear. Good one. Because there's no rules down there.

No. That's nomad land. It doesn't matter. It's freeing. It's hanging. It's like hanging off the country. It's not even in. And you can feel that when you're there.

You're like, oh, man, I'm in the dick. Yeah. You know, I'm outside the body almost. I like to say it's a dingleberry of America. It's hanging on. Yes. It's dirty dingleberry of America. It's hanging on. Yes. It's dirty, but it's nice. It's fun.

And then you got Jews, Cubans, old people, hot blondes, bath salts, shooting up a nightclub in Orlando. You name it. You got a little everything. It is one of those places where I just think it's got all the shit. And that's what I would go for the most is a Hogan. Yeah, brother. Brooke Hogan.

Brooke Hogan. I think I'm going San Diego. Really? I love it i love it well you gotta realize i'm not a california guy so to me this is still beautiful and fun and and magical i love san diego it's nice it's a little too see the thing i like about florida is what san diego san diego is like very tied up uppity white kind of very everyone it's very affluent oh i didn't know that yeah and it's obviously racially divided you know it's like is that right well it's super wealthy whites and then a lot of mexicans because you're close to the border sure but like in florida it's like every idiot has to live among it kind of how new york is where you're like it's true every asshole lives right next to

each other it's kind of like warm new york really it's hot new york yeah new york with a beach and no skyscrapers. Right. So I love San Diego. I have so much love for that city. It's so fun. But my fear is how you would get culturally bored. Living in New York, you get all the shakes. I got everything, baby.

I like it, dude. It's nice to get some of the shake. That's what's still sexy to me about LA is you still have to intermingle with everybody. I do like that, yeah. But down there, you're isolated. Then again, maybe that's what you want. You me about L.A. is you still have to intermingle with everybody. I do like that, yeah. But down there, you're isolated. Then again, maybe that's what you want. You want to be near all whites. Maybe. Just say it.

Well, I've done my New York time. I grew up in New Orleans, which is like, you know, a chocolate city. Yeah. And then, so maybe I need some white in my life. Let's get you some white in your life. All right. Yeah. Give me some Birkenstocks, a hacky sack, and I'm going to kiss a dog on the mouth.

Well, then you've got to get a longboard. You'll be one of those guys. See? You're already not liking it. All right. I'm out. I'm out. Do you like the band Sublime?

I used to. Yeah. Yeah. Badfish. Badfish. Yeah. Badfish. 40 ounces of freedom.

All right. You talked me out of San Diego. Just that one idea of a longboard. Longboard. Longboard mark. Because all your buddies would come over and they'd be like, dude, we're going to go down to a fucking local brewery and get an IPA. They all sound like that.

I'm out. Yeah, you're gone. Okay. So where are you really going to go? Well, Philly's nice. No. Maybe I'll go to Detroit. Florida's a pretty good call.

Boy, you got me there. Because here's why, Flo. And if you wanted me, you should have made me do a city. Because a city's better than a city. I did a state. That's not fair. If I'm going to do a city. Tampa?

Miami? St. Pete's in Tampa is pretty great. St. Pete's is great. I think St. Pete's might be muy bueno because it's got the chaos of Tampa. Yeah. But you don't have to be in it. Right. You can just go back to St. Pete's.

And the beach is beautiful. It is. The people are beautiful. That western coast. They said that the Gulf of Mexico this year was the hottest water it's ever been. What did we say? We looked it up that day on the show. It was 103.

The water was? So here's what's wild. One of these scientists, they do the metrics of the temperature changes, and they've got all these buoys out in the water. And I guess one of the buoy read like over 100. And the guy was like, get a guy out there to fix it. That buoy is obviously broken. Yeah.

And they checked and it was 31 other buoys registered the exact same temperature. Wow. But they didn't pay attention because they thought that must be broken. There's no way. What was it, the golf? What did it get up to? Did it say? In here, we pour whiskey.

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If you're ready to launch, go, hey, I'm going to go to squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Ginger. I like gingers. But the water was so hot. That's the only problem is the Gulf is, I like, what? 93.

That's high. That's insane. That's wild, but I bet it felt good. Yeah, but I don't know, man. See, I like the ocean to be a little, give me a little crisp. A little brisk. I want to lose my breath a second. Yeah, no, I like that too. Speaking of little, give me a little crisp. A little brisk. I want to lose my breath a second. Yeah, no, I like that too.

Speaking of which, did you jump in Bert's cold tub? I put my leg in and I jumped right out. It's crazy. I don't get it. I don't know. I don't get it. I've tried it once. Yeah.

It's not for me. Did you go all the way? I did all the way. I did all the way up here. That's good. I don't do the head. The head thing to me is. No, it's dangerous.

Animal. I did up to like right here. I didn't do a lot of neck, honestly. It was just like at my tits. But even that, I did maybe, I think I timed it and it was just shy of a minute.

That's impressive. Well, but I did it just to see if I could do it. I hated every second of it. Of course. I was pissed the whole, it was, I got out mad.

Yeah. It wasn't like, Oh, you didn't have a spiritual awakening. No, fuck no. You felt great all day, awake, alive. No, I felt,

I transitioned. My dick was gone. No, it was, dude, I hated it. I didn't have a spiritual awakening. No, fuck no. You felt great all day, awake, alive. No, I transitioned. My dick was gone. No, it was, dude, I hated it. I didn't, I'm a heat guy. I got in the sauna for life. Love a sauna, love a hot tub. Sweat me out, baby. Yeah, steam room.

I don't like the fucking, I know the freezing is good for the, I've done one of the cryo things, you know, the cryo chambers. Oh, I've never done that, the Han Solo. Yeah, dude. Pretty cool. That actually I felt more physically beneficial in my bones than the cold tub thing I feel like was almost too harboring. Yeah. Where the cryo, it's difficult, but you do it,

and you can kind of mentally get through it. But for me, I figured you'd have to do the cold tub all the time like those guys do for it to work. Cryo, you can do once in a while. It's still great for you. Don't you hate this guy, though? But you're from Chicago. I thought you liked the cold.

Shut up. I hate that. On a hot day, I'm like, well, hi. Oh, you're from Louisiana? What the hell? I'm like, well, so is my dad. He sucks.

What does that mean? I still hate heat. Yeah, but I got out of it. That's what my whole thing is like. I got out of it. They're like, oh, you should be able to put up. It was like, no, I don't live there anymore. Yeah, exactly. That's not my life anymore. Great point. My life is here now. Yeah. It's like when like Cindy Crawford's from Indiana. Yeah, but she left. She's gone. She's not there anymore. She

went to LA when she was 11. Yeah, I did. That old theory bothers me. Also, when people attach a thing to you, like somebody said to me the other day they're like um oh yeah nobody likes deep dish pizza anyway and i was like i don't know if people know this in america chicagoans don't eat deep dish pizza like people think we eat it like that is to us what i guess like you know i i'm trying to make a a good comparison but we eat it maybe like like cheese steaks you think philly guys eating cheese steaks for lunch every day well some of those fuck bags are you seeing those fat fucks yeah no no for us it's like it's genuinely it's like once in a very great while to like no one does that people there was this misconception that like that chicago style pizza i told this to a friend the other day

what we what we have it's called tavern style or pub style pizza right they're square cut they're super thin crust yeah it's really crispy and burnt on it that is Chicago style pizza okay if you ask someone from Chicago particularly someone that's like born and raised generationally they're not a kid from Iowa who moved there which is like 90% of fucking Chicago they will tell you that pub pizza or tavern pizza is what really we grew up with I didn't have deep dish until like a birthday party when I was 14 or something. If kids had pizza

ordered to their house, it was always square cut thin crust pizza. Really? No Domino's, none of that shit? Not really. Most Chicago people,

I mean, at least the way we grew up, like most Chicago people get tavern style, pub style, mom and pop shop pizza places. I love that stuff. Yeah, there's a lot there's more of those than you think i mean yeah pizza hut and dominoes existed and people did get them

but i feel like if you were over at a friend's house and you were to sleep over they would order a local mom and pop oh that's great that was kind of what i was always used to so then when i got older and then i heard how everyone thought like that was our shit yeah i was like we almost never eat that shit right it was kind of weird like my parents and i would go once a year as like a fun go to lou malnati's it was like a fun night out it'd be like i don't know it's very strange i get it i mean i have that with new orleans people are like oh you probably had an alligator for a pet i'm like no we don't have an alligator i had a dog you retard what are you talking about? My neighbor's alligator ate my dog.

Yeah. But, you know, I went to New York. Nobody said forget about it, you know. You're like, no, it's a bunch of Indian people and shit, you know. No one talks like that. Even the Italians don't do that. No, no. Well, they just want to put it on you because it's what they know the most.

Right. Although sometimes the serotypes... Sometimes they click in. They click so hard. Some of them are so true. Like, it is true when you go down to Texas, which I go to in the morning. Texas is so fucking happy about itself. Texas is Texas.

They love Texas. They really do. We're bigger. We got the belt buckle, the hat. We hate abortion, the whole thing. Yeah, and we go down there. We kill babies right in front of them, dude. We can't wait to get down there, dude.

I'm having my lady hold one in right now. Hold it in. I see a little arm hanging out. Yeah, Texas is definitely Texas, especially like a Dallas or a Houston, you know, or like Plano. You know, Austin's obviously its own thing, but you get to like Corpus Christi. Oh, boy. That's Tejas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like we used to, we went down to South Padre Island in Texas. You ever been down there? No. That's by the border. That's like, that's Tex-Mex. That's basically a complete blending of the most southern Texas

and the most fresh off the boat Mexicans. Like a ton of people that didn't speak a lot of English. So you go to places where it's no English spoken, because it's basically a border town. I mean, you cross a big fucking bridge, which I did. And thank God, someone's watching. I got so drunk at spring break and jumped in the bed of a pickup truck.

And as I'm going across this bridge going like 95 miles an hour, I realize the guy that picked us up, I've never met before. I don't know this guy. He was drunk. Yeah. Not happy about it. I'm not proud moment, but I'm on this bed of this old F-150 in the back and I'm thinking one slight move.

Oh yeah. You're like a migrant. This is crazy. You're getting the real experience. Bing, bing, bing. I'm gone. Yeah. Yeah.

We crossed the border and then into a place called Matamoros. I've been there. You've been to Matamoros? That's right across the border. I got blown by a trans person there. Whoa. Story. I was in college, and we used to, you know, Mexico and Louisiana, not that far away.

So we'd drive through Texas and go to Mexico. Yeah. And all my friends were getting hookers, and I was like, I'm not going to do that. And then eventually, about the third day, I'm so drunk, I was like, fuck it. I go in. I go, I'll get a BJ. She's blowing me. I touch the hair.

It moves. I go, that's weird. I grab a tit. It's harder than that fucking Apple box. And I'm like, oh, weird. And I'm like looking at a real jaw line, you know. And I'm like, oh, that's weird. A little 5 o'clock shadow.

Finish. Jizz in the condom. I walk out, and my friends are out in the square eating tacos, and they're like, were you in there? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, ah! They all fucking lose it. They're like, that's a tranny bar, ah! You know? And I was like, ah, shit. It was a real

quiet eight-hour car ride. But you liked the blowjob. It was a great, well, they know the equipment. Yeah, they've been there. Yeah, they've been there. It was hot. With a condom on, thank God. Yes, yes. Do you feel like that saved you from some of your shame?

Yeah, it's less gay. Because I never had the man lip on me. No man lips. Until after the show. When we wrap the show up, you know what I'm doing, baby. Yeah. I'm sucking. Right.

Get that finger in me. I never had one of those experiences. I never had a little trickery, but I've had a few friends that have had some trickery thrown at them like that. They went in for one thing, didn't know. But Mexico, dude, Mexico. Mexico will get you every time. Oh, yeah. They're convincing. I mean, it's got to happen way more in like,

you know, when they go to like Thailand and stuff like that. People love going to Thailand. Oh, forget about it. They want to get ladyboys. Ladyboy. Now, would you go get a ladyboy knowing it's a ladyboy? No, no. They look pretty beautiful, dude. They're very cute and pretty, but I like a nice gash. You like a good old slit? Yeah, give me a clam.

Slit guy. Yeah. That's your next special. Please watch Mark Norman's Slit Guy, available now on all streaming platforms. It is so funny. We're in the middle of the actor's strike, and part of the whole thing was non-promotional SAG project. Oh, yeah.

But it's so funny because we've always been the dirty little step step brother. Yes. No one liked us. No one gave a shit about stand up. So true. We are meaningless in the business. And now there were people on the Internet chattering about stand ups, you know, like, oh, we're going to be able to perform. Are they still going to do podcasts? And it's like, dude, no one cared about us. Ah-ha. So we're going to continue to do what we're going to do because we were never accepted into that club anyway.

Exactly. It was cool kids. It was kind of elitist, if I might say. Harvard and all that. And then now I see a bunch of writers at the clubs going, I'd like to get up again. You're like, whoa, welcome back to the gutter, motherfucker. Right, right, right. We've been here the whole time.

We never left. We never left. We do the road. We're blue collar. You're like, whoa, welcome back to the gutter, motherfucker. Right, right, right. We've been here the whole time. We never left. We never left. We do the road. We're blue collar. We're out here. You guys have been in air conditioning and riding for two broke girls

for the last eight years. And we've been just churning out dick jokes like fucking journeymen. Yeah, that's right. The journeyman dick joke, right? Yeah. Our forefathers

would have been proud. Hell yeah. No, but it is true that it's like, you know, I'm one foot in, one foot the other. I still work in the TV world. Oh, you're the actor guy. Well, I'm happy that they're out there striking and doing their thing.

I think it's great, but it's also like I can't stop the thing I started at. This is what I loved. It was the thing I loved. It was the only thing I really cared about. I got into the other side of it because I enjoyed it. And you're good at it. I was pretty good at it. So I was like, okay, that's fine.

I do like that world, but I remember all the chatter about what are people going to do in this world? And I thought, dude, comics have almost never... I mean, look at the agents. When we started these podcasts and all this stuff, none of the agents or managers wanted to fuck with us. No, they're like, oh, how's it pay?

No, it doesn't pay yet. I wouldn't do it. When is it going to pay? And you're like, maybe never. I mean, I'll lose money for a couple of years yeah yeah we all lost a lot of money totally i remember calling rogan panicking about when i started this thing like hey man i don't know if i can afford to do podcasting and he was like you trust me and he kept you know pushing me about it and i was like i don't know man i'm paying this rent on this place i can't afford exactly i was like i i have i have to hire someone to do this. These aren't cheap. No, nothing.

All this shit. Nothing was. Editing and all this stuff and putting it out and the cameras and the lights and the studios time and it got overwhelming

and I almost quit and he was like, just lose a little bit of money for a little while and I promise you it'll even out. It'll work itself out. And it did,

but it's like, I got no support from that. Nobody. No. My manager didn't give, he was like, hey man, that's a you thing. I go, can you maybe fish to get me a studio deal from that. Nobody. No. My manager didn't give me, he was like, hey, man, that's a you thing.

I go, can you maybe fish to get me a studio deal with like. Yeah. No, back then they didn't want to do anything of it. They didn't get, and they'd be like, do this radio show, do Mike in the Morning or Bob and Tom, and you're like, that does nothing. It does nothing, dude. That doesn't help me, but that's, they're so old school. That's how they thought it worked.

Those antiquated systems. Yes. And then now, but you know, the world is, the world is anew, baby. We're cockroaches, you know, we just kept adapting. Is that a thing? We'll do that. I'll try this. I antiquated systems. Yes. But, you know, the world is anew, baby. We're cockroaches. We just kept adapting. Is that a thing? We'll do that. I'll try this.

I'll try that. I'll go outside. I'll do a show in the park. I'll go on the roof. I'll make it work. And nobody believed in us. We're like immigrants. We have to figure it out.

Maybe there's a buck over here. Maybe there's something over there. Yeah, and we keep doing it. That's our ship for the rest of time. Yeah. Cheers to that. Cheers to Mark Norman, the true immigrant. Yeah, and we keep doing it. That's our shit for the rest of time. Yeah. Cheers to that. Cheers to Mark Norman, the true immigrant.

Yeah. Send me money. But, you know, I feel for the writers. I hope they get paid. Oh, they deserve it, man. They deserve the residuals. No, they do.

Well, dude, they also deserve that and also these studios. They know what they're doing, these fuckers. They've been doing this for so long now, dude. They've been ripping people off

for so long. Writers and actors, they've been fucking stealing doing, these fuckers. They've been doing this for so long now, dude. They've been ripping people off for so long. Writers and actors, they've been fucking stealing from us for so long. And it will level out at some point. It will. But anyway, now that you've got the special out, I'm curious to know,

just because I'm inquisitive of Norman's ways, do you have a new hour already? No, and that's actually a point of contention. I got about a half, 35 of, 5, 6, 20 of shit yeah but i got a decent 30 and your agents are so bloodthirsty they're like specials doing well here's a million theaters and you're like oh what am i gonna do for these theaters i feel so guilty because they're paying a hard ticket and i I'm out there going, is this something? How about that? What about this? Lizzo, huh?

Jonah Hill, oh, boy, you know? And I feel guilty, but, like, apparently that's kind of what you do. No, but, I mean, everyone's kind of working through. Dude, and also there's no timeline of when it's going to be back to the thing, right? Like, I put mine out at the beginning of the year. I've probably got 45 or so. That's good. That counts.

Yeah, I know, but it's like you where you're like there's i talked to him right before this and i was like some there's some stuff in there that i adore and there's some stuff that i'm like it's filler i don't like it they think it's okay but okay i'm like i don't really like this as much i you know i don't like it because it's not done it's you know what i mean it's like of course but it's al dente that will fall off the bone eventually and you'll replace it with shit you do like. Correct. But you've got to have that placeholder at the moment. Yeah, you don't have a choice.

You don't have a choice. You have to fight upriver, man. You've got to fill the time. You're in a knife fight up there. Well, like when we were doing, we did Bert's thing, and I was doing, we did like 20 on that or whatever. And I had like some, I kept mixing a bunch of other random shit. Yeah. And that's fun to do because you're figuring it out.

There's almost no pressure because you're on somebody else's shit. But it did kind of make me look back after the tour was over and just be like, fuck, I should have been working a little bit harder. No, you were killing. I was taking it for granted, though. I was kind of like, I know this thing works. I really like this. I could have worked in more shit that I've been trying.

Yeah. Because it helps on a huge scale. Sometimes working in in that's true isn't that funny sometimes if it's so big that you're like it will either do very well if it's good

or it'll just be oh no it's okay and then you know yes you're like it's not that good well those arenas let you know what's your A

and what's your A minus and what's your B and what's your C 100% right you can feel it you don't really get that on a smaller room the smaller room is good

for your timing and for your little inflections or your like the changes that you make you're like you can feel it better there but that is true the big ones you can feel so obviously what's an a minus that you're like i can tell they really like it but it's something is amiss yeah something's out are you doing the uh cruise the cruise yeah i'm nervous about it but i'm doing it so you're gonna for people that are listening Mark and I did Bert's tour

the fully loaded but now they're going on a boat to the Bahamas right Bahamas Cancun I'm not gonna be there sadly they asked me if I wanted to go what we need you there

I can't dude it's a good group I know it's great I just can't do it cause I'm I'm already I'm already doing dates I can't cancel the dates

but I felt bad cause Leanne called and we were talking and she was like we really wanna have you and I was like I just don dates. I can't cancel the dates. But I felt bad because Leanne called and we were talking and she was like, we really want to have you. And I was like, I just don't think I can, man. I would have to move some shit. We've already moved on Bob and I's tour. I already moved dates from that. It's like once you fuck over a city once.

Oh, yeah, you can't do it again. You can't do it twice. No, no. It's like they'll kill you, dude. They'll write you off forever. Like I said, one jokingly bad thing about Pittsburgh, and for some reason, man, Pittsburgh people on the internet were like, don't even come back.

I'm like, oh, dude, I love you. Shut up. I'm just kidding. Jesus Christ. Typing with a hoagie. I love Pittsburgh. That's a great town. I do, too.

I mean, yeah. No, I've had no problem, but I made one shitty joke, and then they took it. But you're going to be on the boat, which, have you done a cruise before? I did the Joker's cruise, and it was fucking wild. Yeah, it's nuts, right? It's Sin City out there. It's international waters. It's uncharted.

There's no rules. Right. But you're with the fans, too. Yeah, that part sucks. Yeah. Because it's like a little neighborhood and you keep bumping into the same people you're on you're on your third show like you again yeah and you start knowing people you see them at the buffet and it's weird yeah that would be a little tough for me my

anxiety would get would would lay alive yeah and then you drink to to quiet the thoughts oh yeah doesn't help now you're the boat guy going hey tammy how about that anal you know it's not good she's like i'm captaining the ship, sir. Please go back to your... Did you see, did you watch, oh, why can't I think of the movie right now? Everything Everywhere All at One? No, no, no, no, no. Oppenheimer?

No. Barbie? Triangle of Sadness, man. I saw them consecutively. That's why I'm saying this. I saw it on a half on a plane. I dozed off. I thought it was fun. Dude, that's a why it was a good move the problem i had with it was you know woody's in it for fucking five seconds and apparently because i the whole time people

haven't seen it it's a great movie but it starts on a boat that's why i brought it up yeah but the whole time you watch woody and you're like man i want to see him so so much more he's the best but they only had so much time with He's the best. But they only had so much time with him is what I've heard. They had a limited amount of time to shoot with him. Look at how many days they had. I think they said somebody said it was only three days or something. They had to get rid of him, but you're like,

whatever money you can find, go get it. Of course. Let the guy stay because he plays like an alcoholic. Oh, really? Oh, dude, it's brilliant. And he's so not fake drunk. You know fake drunk in movies? Yeah, it was already in another thing. Yeah, and you're like, cut it out.

Yeah. Has that guy never been drunk in real life, you know? Right, right. That's why you let What's-His-Name do that shit from Jaws and get fucking wrecked. Yeah, exactly. But they had him in there for such a short amount of time that I was like, man, I want to see him really go out on this world. Because he was shitting on wealth and privilege and being able to live at sea and all this stuff. It was just so funny and so well written.

It was like a comic. Yeah. It was like a bit almost. Well, he is hilarious. I mean, White Men Can't Jump is one of my top five. The original. The original. Jesus, I didn't even count the second one.

Good Lord. But yeah, it's so good. And he is so good in it. The original. Jesus. I didn't even count the second one. Good Lord. But yeah, it's so good and he is so good in it and he's funny. So funny, man. So funny. Wesley was great. I mean,

that movie, Rosie Perez with the side boob. Come on. Get out of here. How hot was that? I love that movie. Come on, Billy.

Ah, God. Come on, Billy. You don't believe in me, Billy? It actually made me really like Jeopardy. I gotta tell you, I started watching Jeopardy from then.

Foods that start with the letter Q. What is a quince? What is a qu really like Jeopardy. I gotta tell you, I started watching Jeopardy from then. Foods that start with the letter Q. What is a quince? What is a quiche? Yes, exactly. Hold on, before we keep going, for one second, you gotta go get him some more ice. I need to pour him a little bit more, please. Oh, and there's your publicist out there. Oh, I call

him Jewish Pacino. Oh, Juchino. Yeah. I said Juchino, Juchino. Kind of. Kind of looks like Jewish Pacino. I'm gonna play you a I said Juchino, Juchino. Kind of. Kind of looks like Jewish Pacino. I'm going to play you a clip real fast, too, because you brought that up about... White men?

About, no, Pacino. Oh. When you called him Jewish Pacino. This is great. Do you know director William Friedkin? Oh, I've heard the name. I put this clip on my... I put this on the internet.

I put this on my Instagram the other day. Listen to how funny this is, what he says about Pacino. I don't give a flying fuck into a rolling donut about what Al Pacino thinks. I don't give a flying fuck into a rolling donut. Wow. Director William Friedkin. Oh, okay, so he's a legend.

But just the way he says it. The way the alliteration is so good, flying fuck the way he does it. Yeah. I don't give a flying fuck into a rolling donut about what Al Pacino thinks. So apparently he didn't give a fuck about Pacino and went off on how much he hated working with him

and said, I wouldn't give him the time of day. But he was like, Tommy Lee Jones, I listened to every fucking word he had to say because the guy paid attention to the work but it was wild to hear that i've never heard someone shoot a pacino like yeah you've heard people say stuff about famous actors where you're like he's not that good to work with he's okay i've never seen a guy be so i mean but listen he's accomplished it's kind of fun to hear someone accomplished go ah fuck that guy you You're like, oh, shit. You never hear that.

Well, it's like comedy. There's always beefs and feuds, and personalities are colliding all the time, and that's going to happen with showbiz. And these are all old-school dudes. Well, they've been working, and they've also worked in the game. This is at a point in his life

where he's already made a wealth of films. Yeah. So at some point, I think, just like in made a wealth of films yeah so at some point i think just like in comedy or any business people at home whatever business you're in you've been working in the same sales job for 22 years there's a guy in the office that you're like fuck that guy yeah of course that guy sucks people think he's great he's a he's a scam right that guy fucking stinks yeah and everyone's like that guy stinks and you're like that guy fucking stinks like i talked to my friends at home they have you know, like real regular jobs.

And there's always internal fucking drama. There's always like something small that's going on. Have you heard the Bill Burr and Mike Birbiglia fighting on ONA? No. Oh, it's a classic. I mean, it's 20 years old now. But it's like Bill Burr is on. They're both on.

And Birbiglia is doing like the aw shucks guy, and he's like shut the fuck up. Oh, I do remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Birbiglia asked him to open, asked to Bill Burr to open for him at Caroline's, and he's like, I'm bigger than you. Why would I open for you? And it's just gold. And it's something you've always wanted to say to some like newer comic.

Yeah. And he just gets it all on the radio. It's great. Well, that's like, you and I have talked about that clip of Dennis Miller. Yes. And Giraldo, and he just gets it all on the radio, it's great. Well, you and I have talked about that clip of Dennis Miller. Yes, yes. And Giraldo, and he's like, it's kind of what we're doing here, Dennis. Oh, not Miller. No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What's his name from Rescue Me?

Yeah, what the fuck? Leary. Leary, Dennis Leary. Sorry, not Dennis Miller. And he goes, it's kind of what we're doing here, Dennis. Look at this guy. He's fucking like writing jokes backstage. He's wearing sunglasses. He's like, get out of goes, that's kind of what we're doing here, Dennis. Look at this guy. He's fucking like writing jokes backstage. He's wearing sunglasses.

He's like, get out of here. That's kind of what we do here, man. Oh, the best. That was cool. Yeah, the internal things that happen. But you don't have any beef with anybody. Who's your beef with, dude? Go ahead and give it up.

Ralphie May and me. What happened to him? You know, I gave him a few pills and the rest is history. But no, I try to just, I just want to tell jokes and get drunk and go home. God, does that sound good? Oh, I hate all the other shit. Tell jokes, get drunk, and then go home. Yeah, it's the top three.

It's like Jay Leno always says, write joke, tell joke, get check. That's all comedy is. Yeah, but this guy never spent a fucking check in his life. No, he only spent stand-up checks. That was it. He told that to Neil on his show about how he never still spent any of the tonight show money to this today great episode yeah but it still is shocking because you're like you didn't dip into one of those checks for one of those 40 cars you got what do you mean 40

try 500 yeah he's got too many it's he's got motorcycles cat gut like in the like all these motors with cat gut and shit he He's got an old fire engine. I mean, it's crazy. Well, he's got a short bus. You know that? No. No, he does not. It would be fun, though.

Bleep that. Kicking a soccer ball. No, so, but he, you're one of those guys. By the way, we've talked because we have the same romanticism of cars. You've got a 2002. You know, I've always, you know, we've said this. I've said this to you many times. I've always been on the hunt for a 1985 325E, which was my first little toy that I was able to get.

Oh, you got it. Well, I don't have it now, but I want it again. But everyone I find is in terrible, terrible condition. Yeah, they're out there. I mean, what's that garage? What's that car? Bring a trailer. Bring a trailer.

That's where I got mine. See, the problem is some of the ones are so, this is inside baseball talk, but some of the times when you go back to finding a car from 40 years ago, they're either in such immaculate condition they've been restored, and now they're worth so much money where you're like, I don't if i can pay that kind of money for 700 grand yeah or they're in just atrocious condition and i'm not mr fix it i think you're better off i'm not either but i bought mine and it was a little banged up but i sent it right to a guy i know and he fixed it up he fixed it up for a nominal fee but it was still pretty reasonable be honest with me how much did you put

into the car i bought it for 14k which is low the guy was very low i got it three in the morning i stayed up all night i had a whiskey and i just like laptop in the dark light in my face you know and i got it i beat out some fucking divorcee cunt and then i shipped it to new york which was another two grand where was it from san francisco oh my god so it was a california car all right but i got it out here and then i sent it to a guy I know who's like a car wizard, and he's like, ah, it's going to be a lot of money. And I said, just do it and tell me later. And he did it all in for $11,000, which he said without it, it would have been like $20,000.

So thank you, sir. And then, yeah, now it's in the garage. You want to plug him, by the way? What's his name? You can plug him. You don't remember it? It's Andrew Schuster, but I can't remember the name of his shop. Shout out to Andrew Schuster right there and his shop.

Where is it? In New York? No, it's in Jersey. Jersey. I putt-putted it right over the bridge. Union City. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Now he's in Philly. Yeah. Oh, Schuster moved up. Thanks to your check. Exactly. Exactly. He's killing it. He's able to go to Crackabelle.

It fucking runs like a Kenyan. I mean, this thing never has broken down. Not one problem with it. Do you know anything about the engine or anything like that or no not really i know it's a it's a four banger and it's what a fun toy it's so fun it's like a little go cart they're so small and light you know i'm bopping all around new york i'm over the brooklyn bridge i had that when i had that 325 we used to put we because the the uh the nowadays trunks have safety safety mechanisms where you have to be able to get out from the inside right right you know because so many fucking morons have gotten stuck in a trunk somehow good for kids yeah 100 well dude we used to put our buddies in

there you know we would convince like the dumbest kid to get back there and i'd be like we can open up the middle so i can you can get through the middle right you couldn't uh the whole seat would have to unclamp and so people would be sitting in there and they'd be like come on man and then of course you know we'd go do donuts in a fucking field and because it was rear wheel drive that thing is yours yours is too yeah it was rear wheel drive so that thing dude we'd sit and spin for an hour the tires were bald because i never changed the tires i couldn't afford them so they were bald tires anything was wet in chicago like in the winter dude i'd sit and spin for 15 minutes. So I would just spin in a field and you'd hear, and then you'd just, cut it out, cut it out.

It's so fucking mean. It's you and sex traffickers. You're back there banging around, you know? That's why sex traffickers, they always love cars from the 80s. They're like, they can't get out of the back, baby. You keep them trapped, baby. Exactly. Yeah, and by the way, speaking of which,

I am selling some furniture right now you can go to my website and buy some stuff off wayfarer.com i'm selling full dressers full i forgot about chested dressers wow it was like it was like dressers and nightstands that they were like 30 grand for a nightstand right and had a russian chick all banged up in there like twisted it's insane it's great It's crazy the theories that get kicked around about, was it Wayfarer, right? It was one of those. Yeah. The fact that that was like under investigation, like for

actually could have turned out to be this real big, deep conspiracy which, who God knows, is so funny because it's right, it is like anything at that crime level. It's always right in front of your face. I know. They just never, you never know. It's like Whitey Bul bulger didn't they catch him living like in venice beach or something like that in an apartment oh i think you're right yeah it wasn't whitey bulger some

mob guy it might have been an italian guy yeah no whitey whitey whitey bulger right ask me where he got tell me show me where he got found but he was living in like a beachside town in a condo in like a very, you know, heavily foot traffic. Santa Monica. Oh, there you go. Yeah, the guy was living in a fucking condo by the beach. Well, it's pre-internet. Who's going to know Whitey Bulger? But isn't that crazy, though?

If he's living. Yeah. Wow. No, it wasn't that long ago. I didn't know that. They finally got him after so long. But how funny. He was living in broad daylight.

That's amazing. Like didn't change. No disguise. He looked pretty much the same. Yeah. Just fucking got a place in Santa Monica and was like, whatever. If they get me, they get me. It's amazing. Like, didn't change, no disguise, he looked pretty much the same. Yeah. Just fucking got a place in Santa Monica and was like,

whatever, if they get me, they get me. It's like Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy would kill a sorority girl, bang her over the head with a brick,

and then he would get on a bus and go to Florida. And then do it there, and then get on a bus and go to Utah and do it there. It was crazy. Yeah, the guy just moved

about freely, yeah. Yeah, it was like a priest with pedophilia. They're like, oh, all right, I'll go over here now, sorry. You live there.

Yeah. I just saw that on theilia. They're like, oh, all right, I'll go over here now. Sorry. You live there. Yeah. I just saw that on the news. They said the Pope finally denounced all of the deplorable actions of the church. Read this. It's so funny. There was a headline that came up. It popped up on the TV, and it was like, the Pope recognizes egregious past or whatever. You're like, what was the change?

Yeah, what does that do, by the way? You recognized it. Yeah, I recognize. I know that it's happening. Yeah, yeah oj simpson's out on the field i recognize that he killed that lady and he's just still swinging yeah you know who cares you recognize it go get him he's still putting videos up on the internet it's so wild to think that guy's he is he is peak don't give a fuck yes does he he's like i got away with it i guess now i'm a free i'm free i like twitter world i don't want to say i don't i don't I don't want to regulate anything I do or say anymore.

I see him sometimes. He makes comments about public things that are happening. Yeah, yeah. It's so weird. Every comment is just knife, knife, knife, knife, knife, knife, knife. It's so funny. Whee, whee, whee, whee. Yeah, exactly.

Mark, we got shows tonight. Ooh, baby. We got a couple of shows, but I want to remind people. I want to take a second to say this. Not that this needs to be said. You're an old friend. You're a good buddy. I love you. This has been the best podcast you've done so far because it's funny and fun and engaging.

This was a good one. And you love to fire with me, baby. Yeah, Bobby. We always have a good time. Bobby, he got a little too real. Oh, did he really? Well, we were laughing, laughing for the first half hour, and then the second half hour, he was like,

look at me, look at me, let me talk to you. And you're like oh shit he's doing that Asian thing on me that voodoo spell yeah did he make you rake some sand or something like that usually gets into that

after a while yeah well he's just like what music do you like and he gets all weird and shit well he is he thinks Bobby's this

Bobby's the kind of dickhead and he knows we've fought about this Bobby knows a lot about his stuff but then because you don't if you don't, if you don't, he thinks you don't get it. Yes. Yes.

So he finally admitted to me and he was there for this. He came up to me and he said, you know, I guess the way that I like, he's talking about him. He goes, the way that I like really cool indie rock and I make fun of you for not knowing. And he's like, I guess that's you with hip hop. And I said, yeah, you don't know anything about the world i like yes so you look like a moron when i ask you you know who cool kumo d is like he doesn't know anything about anything in that in the hip-hop world i mean he a little bit but like i go that's your problem is he just sees this lens of like

hipness yes and if he's like do you like this band and you're like not really i don't really know them and he's like well do you like this band? And you're like, not really, I don't really know them. And he's like, well, then you're a fucking loser. Yeah. Well, he's all skater, punk rock,

and you're more Midwest hip hop. Yeah. That's what I, I mean, you're kind of closer to me. You like, you like, you like that world a lot though.

I do. I do. I mean, I grew up in, you know, New Orleans. New Orleans. Yeah.

It was like juvenile, Lil Wayne, the hot boys. Juve baby. It was everywhere. It was the whole thing. That was like my high school song. 400 Degrees?

What an album. Yes, come on, back that ass up. Master P. Make him say, uh. For the first time in my life, I was in love with, because our generation, I spent every dime I ever had. And I mean this. There was a record store on campus at Arizona State called Hoodlums, that rest in peace is definitely no longer there.

I would spend every fucking dime I made at the record store. I loved buying music, and Master P was one of the first times I started collecting, you know, the physical cases of CDs because they doped up the outside. They'd make hot colors,

and they'd make ridges where it used to be just shitty clear plastic. They would design the case to be sexy and fun. Cash Money did a number on physical collection. Oh, those gold with the dollar bills and everything? It was great. It was everything I ever wanted. I was like, oh, this is the actual art of it all.

Yes. I mean, now, not to sound like old man shit, but kids will never have that. Something else may take its place, but I missed getting a fucking CD case. It was fun to own it. In DVDs, you had your shelf. Remember that? It looked so cool to thumb through it to see what people, you know? Yes, yes.

What am I going to watch tonight? Because I guess you used to have that with books, you know, in the old days. Yes, that's right. Then we had CDs and tapes and VHS, but now it's all digital, so what are they doing? There's a window into the world. If you went over to somebody's house or you were invited to someone's place and you could see their collection of shit, you kind of got a good sense over

A, if you're going to fuck with these people, or B, if you're like, oh, this is, I guess this is, we don't have nothing in common. Or you're like, this guy's smarter than me. Yeah, yeah, well that's scary. Oh shit, he's got the pianist. Right. You know, oh shit, I got fucking Tommy Boy. Yeah, exactly. I have Dumb and D shit, he's got the pianist. Right. You know, oh, shit, I got fucking Tommy Boy. Yeah, exactly.

I have Dumb and Dumber. He has a chookalot and fucking, it's like, what the fuck? We're not gonna, I don't know if we're gonna get along. No, that was always a good tell, but I wonder what that would be for kids now. I don't know. I don't know.

You know, it's a good, sneakers, maybe? Sneakers are very popular. Well, fashion now has really taken the place over all those little secrets that we used to say, like that we used to hide about things that we enjoyed. And like,

they kind of show all of it now by the way their cultural movements are. Totally. Gaffigan talked about that on Rogan. Well, he talked about on Rogan that he thinks kids now,

you know, he's like, the generation above us was always like, I had to walk to school five miles uphill, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, I think for the first time in history, kids now have it way harder than the parents ever did because their lives are on display and they see everyone else's lives on display. That's very smart.

Where he's right that we used to only had to worry about our little circle of friends. And even that was anxiety inducing. Oh, well, Mark got that new shirt fuck you know that's cool he was able to afford that like oh his mom must have bought him those shoes or that was just in your direct circle now they see all of the circles all over the fucking world wow yeah that's why girls are killed and they see kim kardashian and like emrata unachievable standards of wealth and it's just absurdist where you're like i remember when i was a kid i was in photography class and i've always been obsessed with cars going back i took a photo

of a bmw of an of it was it was a 99 98 or 99 uh bmw m5 and i still it's in my parents house i still even have the photo but i was obsessed with that car but i thought that was like such a fucking unobtainable vehicle yes like that guy must be a billionaire yeah of course but now kids see fucking lamborghinis like you know a youtube star has that or a fucking guy gets a so it's devalued wealth it's interesting in a way it's it's brought light to how um how many things are just bullshit that we thought that they were, Oh, I thought I could never afford.

That's true. You see private jets all day long. It's crazy. It's in your face. Oh, Hugh Hefner or Led Zeppelin or somebody has a private jet. Now the curtains pulled back a little bit. Of course it's still massively unobtainable.

I'm not jumping on a private jet, but it's still like you see now you're like, Oh, I guess I thought that was only one part of culture was able to even have that invite to that world. Yes, yes. But there's plenty of other people that have access to it. I just never knew. One of my dad's best friends is very well off, and he drives a fucking Toyota.

Yeah. I just never knew. When you're a kid, you're like, I guess he's good, but you got to be just a filthy rich psycho to own something like that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. But also I think it's, you're right, it's become more attainable because being an entrepreneur back in the day was like you started a restaurant or a chain or a Walmart or something. Now it's like, yeah, I got a channel. I got my own channel.

I open boxes. It's me. I cook or whatever. And I garden. And it does really well. And I make a lot of income from that, and I never leave the house, and you're like, wow. So all that's very attainable now.

It is. It changed the attainability. And I think what Gaffigan was saying that I thought was pretty powerful was it was like, yeah, man, the pressure on kids. Totally. It's something that we didn't have to worry about in that regard.

I got beat up quite a bit. If all that shit was on camera, every fucking phone would be out, me getting beaten up, and that would still live on YouTube. I got beat up quite a bit. If all that shit was on camera, every fucking phone would be out, me getting beaten up, and I would still live on YouTube. I would kill myself. You know, I got pantsed. You were getting blown in a basement with your dad upstairs. No, no, no. I was getting blown upstairs.

My mom saw me. I was fucking in the basement. That's right. I was fucking in the basement. I wasn't getting laid in high school. I pantsed my friend Matt in class, and he didn't forgive me for like an entire year because I pantsed him. But I thought I – look, I didn't try to get the underwear, but the underwear got caught in the sweatpants. It happens. And that boy, oh boy, his little dingle dong came flopping out.

And you know, that was at the time when your dick was not as long as your balls. Yes. So his dick was like resting in his balls, you know, like butter in a bun. You know what I mean? Like an acorn in a bush. Yeah, it was so sad to see. And I remember depancing him and him turning around and then like swinging at me, but missing and me laughing.

So I got best of both worlds. I got a laugh and a duck, a little dodge. Oh, yeah, not bad. Shout out to Matt. I'm sorry about that, buddy. And your dick's bigger now. No, it's not. I've seen it.

Oh, shit. It's still the same size. It tastes better. But, yeah. No, it's not. I've seen it. Still the same size. It tastes better. But yeah. But listen up, kids. Men, women, and children, people of all genders, ages, spectrums, groups, whoever you are, where you are right now, please on Netflix, go watch Mark Norman's special. You can't miss it.

He's the sexiest dude on the channel right now. Oh, yeah. What else do you want, man? Exactly. This is the real stranger thing that you're yeah. What else do you want, man? Exactly. This is the real stranger thing that you're looking for. Yes. Mark Norman, I love you. Do me a huge favor.

Look into that camera. We end the show the same way with one word or one phrase. Take your time. One word or one phrase to end the show. Whenever you're ready, you go ahead, you sweet prince. Anal. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers.