Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Matty Matheson

Episode Date: October 4, 2019

Santino sits down with unique sex god Matty Matheson to talk about his heart attack, mormonism and how his toilet videos compelled him to make his own show without networks and suits called JUST A DASH. WATCH JUST A DASH: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattybsod BUY MATTYS COOK BOOK YOU DORK: https://www.amazon.com/Matty-Matheson-Cookbook/dp/1419732455 TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com/ STAND UP DATES NOV 8-9 NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE NOV 10 HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA NOV 15-16 SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA NOV 21-23 INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA DECEMBER 6-7 BREA, CALIFORNIA JAN 9-11 EDMONTON, AB, CANADA JAN 16-18 DENVER, COLORADO FOLLOW ME ON INSTA https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ FOLLOW WHISKEY GINGER PODCAST ON INSTA https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ FOLLOW MATTY: https://www.instagram.com/mattymatheson/?hl=en DRINK BUFFALO TRACE: https://www.buffalotracedistillery.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Introducing Tim's new Infuser Energy Beverages, made with natural caffeine. They come in two refreshing flavors, Blackberry Yuzu and Mango Starfruit. Try them today, only at Tim's. At participating Tim's restaurants in Canada for a limited time. It's time for Tim's. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? If you want to come see the Red Rocket live, I only got a couple of dates left before the New Year, and then I'm going to announce a big tour.

November 8-9, I'm in Nashville, Tennessee. The 10th, I'm in Huntsville Alabama 15 16 I'm in Cobbs in San Francisco 21 22 23 I'm in Indianapolis then December 6th and 7th I'm in Brea California come on out and see me January 9 10 11 house of comedy in Edmonton Alberta Canada 16 17 18 Denver comedy works guys it's gonna be dope please come out and support. Check me out. And also, please like and subscribe. We appreciate it when you like, when you comment, you get engaged. Also, subscribe. Pass it around to your friends. We want to increase our numbers. Let you guys know we love you. We appreciate you. Like and subscribe. It means the world to us.

This episode of Whiskey ginger is brought to you by buffalo trace buff trace be that only bourbon with balls you can see it right here on the label that buffalo's nuts be hanging out the back you get some back nuts baby i love this stuff inside my decanter as usual is eagle rare another great product of buffalo trace they're a sponsor of the show and i support them like i've said before I've said before, I don't really fuck with stuff that doesn't really, you know, tickle my fancy, and I really like them, man. They're awesome, so we want to support them. We advise fans to tweet at us, post to our Whiskey Ginger Podcast Instagram page.

Show us a picture of you drinking some Buffalo Trace. We may have something in store for you if you do that. If you don't like Buffalo Trace, you're a dummy. What can I say? But they also have Blantons or some Pappy. You know. Get your hands on some Blantons or some Eagle Rare. But this stuff is good. The Original Juice is some of my favorite stuff on earth. 90 proof. They've been kicking around since 1773. When Prohibition was trying to put them down, they were like, we're going to keep on functioning, playa. I sat with the master distiller,

Harlan Wheatley. He's's got a new cool way of doing things he uniquely influences the brand it really does put a great spin on something historic and beautiful they embrace change you know what i mean they respect the history but they embrace change but that's what they do down there and that's why i do like them a lot if you ever get a chance to go visit them i highly recommend it it is uh american family owned and operated franklin county kentucky baby um they are incredible people doing incredible things It is American family-owned and operated, Franklin County, Kentucky, baby. They are incredible people doing incredible things. It's bottled in the United States in good old Kentucky.

It's aged there right on site. And if you're thinking about going there to try to steal some, they'll kill you. I'm telling you, they will strap you down and tickle you until you piss yourself. They're the best i love buffalo trace and uh we appreciate them and i hope you appreciate this episode because of them enjoy it baby in here we pour whisk you're that creature in the ginger beard sturdy Sturdy. Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Maddie Matheson.

Yeah, bitch. You guys are supposed to clap. I'm here. That one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Matty Matheson. Yeah, bitch. You guys are supposed to clap. I'm here. That's the reason that you're here. I'm here. We're in your house. For the support. There's the Whiskey Ginger.

There's the Whiskey Ginger sign. I'm so proud of that. We're not having any sauce today for those that are seeing. I can't right now, dude. No, you're crushed. It's too early, man. It is early. I had a super late night of shooting.

Oh. I'm shooting an FX show with Lil Dicky. Do you know him, the rapper? Do you know him? Lil Dicky. That's my friend, Benny Blond. I'm very good fx show with uh little dicky do you know him the rapper do you know dicky that's my friend benny benny blonde i'm very good friends with benny benny's gonna do an episode really oh i don't know if i'm supposed to say that doesn't matter i love benny i've never met little dicky but i'm going to be meeting him soon yeah he's a he's a good egg dude he's uh something special he's a funny uh creative uh he's kind of like a lone wolf dude he's the kind of guy who's like he goes his own way

he has his own sensibility as far as creativity goes and I appreciate the fuck out of it before I knew him all I knew was YouTube videos you know you saw

that YouTube shit and I was like this is dope he's very funny he's a good rapper he's a good rapper and then I got to meet him and then kick it with him

and I was like oh he's a creative too he like understands things he likes creatively which I appreciate creative people attract creative people yeah once you realize somebody's real you're like oh this guy's actually the thing yeah things he likes creatively, which I appreciate. Creative people attract creative people. Yeah.

Once you realize somebody's real, you're like, oh, this guy's actually the thing. Yeah. The people around him don't actually control him and they don't create. This guy's mind is strong. How often do you meet somebody when you think that they're a thing and then you meet them and you're let down? Oh, every day. It's a constant, right?

Every day. You're like fucking bummed out. There's a cloud of losers everywhere it's just like in the universe and you look up into the sky it seems so bright

and so beautiful and then you're like that cloud looks really fluffy and beautiful and it's so powerful and then you bump into that cloud and you're like that guy's a fucking piece of shit

that guy's a piece of shit and the thing that's it's amazing even coming here I'm like I'm from Canada I still in my mind I'm like a chef

that cooks in a kitchen which I don't and I'm a i'm from canada i still in my mind i'm like a chef that cooks in a kitchen which i don't and i i'm a small guy from a small farm town in canada which i still live in actually but is it i still picture my where i am in the world is very small and i'm so excited to be here and i'm like i love it i'm like i turn the corner you're outside with your fucking dog on the front lawn i'm such a white white house you're out here like with a i was like you wave yeah you wave i wave you wave and i'm just like here we go i like dude i like i'm an i am i've since i moved to the suburbs now i'm i am a white suburbanite dad and i don't even have kids yeah smiling love it smiling on any car yeah i'm just

enjoying living in a place where bums aren't shitting on my door anymore like i'm i used to bums we used to poop your bums used to poop like right on our doorstep and i would have people would you know fuck with your car like it was just like living living in the center of la yeah it's it's tough look it's just it's it's wonderful but you just get oh you get over it at some point. I got over it. I lived in Toronto, same shit. Yeah. I lived on a very hot corner for a long time. Yeah.

We had this little- The block was hot. The block was hot. You'd look out the front window, and there's guys smoking crack with the pissing of the little penises on the fucking side of the house. And Trisha's like, the guy's pissing on the house again. And you're like, well, the guy's pissing on the house again. And you're like, well, the guy's pissing on the,

where's he gonna piss? He's gotta piss. He's gotta piss. And then, or like, they're getting the shitty blowjobs. Like every, it's amazing.

In the summertime, we never had air conditioning in the house, so our windows are open, whatever. And literally every single night, get the hell out of here! My blowjob! Give me my money!

Like the screaming of the giving me the money. Like the blowjob's been done. Yeah, it's over. The contract is null and void. And the guy, she got dicked. This is a crazy story. When I was a kid, we lived in downtown Chicago in a high rise. And I was sucking dick for money.

And that's what I, no. A guy tried to skip out on paying a hooker. And she shot and killed him outside of my apartment. Like right outside of my apartment. Rightfully so. Yeah, I mean, that's what you get i wish there was blood everywhere and i asked the doorman what it was and my parents had said when i was a kid my parents were like a bucket of paint spilled a bucket and the doorman was just i'm like six i'm like six the doorman's like now some guy got shot the hooker yeah he didn't pay a hooker i'm a six-year-old

boy and i'm learning about welcome to chicago yeah welcome to chicago scarface i learned about how you have to pay hookers so to this day i always pay first here's the i pay first here you go there you go then i get it let me back up for two seconds because i want to i want to talk about our dual experiences we have a friend in common is how we linked i was just in fucking toronto i had so much fun man i'd never been i'd been all over canada and i got tips from people to go to like um I went to the market. What's it called? Kensington Market.

Kensington Market. Best place ever. That was really fun. I met Tracy fucking Ullman and my friend Ari Grainer in a park. What's it called? The park that's just northwest of there. Trinity Bellwoods. Trinity Bellwoods, yeah.

Perfect place to go just human watching. Hanging out, dude. It's such a beautiful place. It's just a grass beach. I loved it. And then I got interviewed. Yes. We were smoking weed and just chilling. such a beautiful place. It's just a grass beach. I loved it. And then I got interviewed. Yes, we were smoking weed and just chilling.

And then I got interviewed by Naked News, which got me fucking shadow banned on Instagram. Yeah? Did you get crushed? Yeah, dude. I know.

I'm working on it trying to get back. What do you mean? They shadow banned me. What's shadow banning? Yeah, you don't know. Do you guys know what that is? I don't know.

I haven't been shadow banned. I don't say things out loud like you. I got shadow banned because, well, we're working on it right now. I didn't violate their laws instagram has has uh some clear laws that say nudity is so i put up a picture of me with the girl and two canadian flags on her nipples totally legit yeah it just says you know you can't show nipples penis vagina yeah you can show cleavage that's fine um and here's what happens when you get shadow banned you can search

for my name and I don't come up anymore on Instagram unless you follow me or are friends with me you can see me you can still see you no new people you're cut off from the world

for how long? well it's an indefinite amount of time unless you obviously reach out to Instagram because I was like I have to contest this I didn't violate

your fucking laws so yeah we're going back and forth with it right now Instagram what's the deal dude? what the fuck? What's your problem, man?

Yeah, so I got shadow banned. But anyway, the rest of Toronto was cool. Let's do this. Let's back up so people know. Let's back up. You started as a chef where? I started in Kensington Market. Did you really?

Yeah. Where was the restaurant? Is it still there? No, it moved. It was there for a long time. It was called La Palette. I started on Queen Street first at a French bistro called la select bistro which is now on wellington um worked there for two years this is probably 2002 after uh college or whatever

cooking school and all that bullshit and then fucking let's selectistro. La Palette was a very bohemian French restaurant in Kensington Market. And that's where I really learned, like that's like the life shit. That was like a very bohemian, druggie, hippie, fucking, you know, very like gypsy-like, very, I don't think you can say people can pay with their pay with like uh

no not that end of it just like the people that weren't shemez and maria that owned it shemez was like this tall pakistani man he would wear like the turban for like looks fashion very like a handsome tall strong pakistani man yeah his wife maria East Block, like artist. And just like incredible couple. Very, very passionate. Very, I was a young drugged out chef. So they used to like manipulate me a lot and their staff. It was a lot of like, a lot of personality, I'll say.

Did they hold that against you? Were you heavy into drugs at the time when you were cooking? I've been heavy into drugs from like 15 damn and and i i was heavy into drugs before like i say 15 because that's why i started doing like cocaine and shit but like when i was like did you start with cocaine no i started with acid acid you started with fucking acid acid at grade eight so first time i ever did acid was in grade eight with matt sex meth shout out to matt sex matt matt and we were just like painting our nails black, dyed hair, like listen to like Marilyn Manson, like trying to fucking play with each other, you know, just high on acid, getting real criddly.

And then it just like, you know, it just. It escalated. Yeah. Small town. Like I'm just like a small town, like punk kid. Not a, not a, I played lacrosse, but like i never played like i wasn't like on any like i don't know i was never a jock and i wasn't like a townie i was like definitely an outsider where like my brothers were normal small town boys yeah i was like instantly like i'm i'm punk i'm a

badass i'm badass i'm gonna be the bad boy and then we all like even like my older brother he was like full-blown junkie by grade 12 it was just like a small town like drugged out like world did everyone get clean yeah everyone's everyone's back to square one my bro's like married got a baby on the way running like construction you know his wife works in the wellness world she like uh helps like children with uh you know deformed heads and stuff i think or does that like stuff that like helps the heads? Put the helmet on him and shit? Put the helmet, but I think more of like help, even like Mac, my kid had to get the fucking, dude, we went the fucking,

we went to the head. His head was weird. We got the fucking suction head. So Mac's got a fucking all fucked up head. And I'm like, dude, we can't live with the fucking head. So I'm like, Trish,

we need to fucking Google what we do with the head. And then we found the guy, the best guy in Toronto that fucking fixes the head. And then we're like- There's a head fixer in Toronto? There's a head fixer, but the fucking best. The fucking... I go... I'm never home.

Very, you know, I'm never home. But the fucking... The greatest thing ever. She was like, you gotta come. So you're home this week. We're going to... Max, like, you know, fucking three months old. We're gonna go to this guy. And you can come see. He's doing great. Max's head's totally developing better. I'm like, perfect. Can't going to go to this guy, and you can come see. He's doing great. Mac's head's totally developing better.

I'm like, perfect. Can't wait to go see this fucking guy who massages the head better. And we go in, and the fucking, the greatest thing of all time. I walk in there, motherfucker doesn't even touch the head.

What? No, there's no touching of the head. And I sat in there quietly, and this guy's got incense. The guy's got fucking like little chime music stop it and and he's just around the head shut and i was watching and i'm just like and we leave i was like trisha how the fuck much is this shit and trisha's like it's about it's like almost 500 bucks a session for him to fucking one hour air air air touch fucking my child's fucking vacuum sucked head

and i'm just like bro we're out yeah max has gonna be fine he doesn't even need the helmet the fucking skull will grow into the brain he figures it out and look at him now he's fucking gorgeous he's yeah fucking good looking baby strong little dick like his dad fucking it's great do you see his dick does he look at your dick always does he look at your dick i have to dude we have to, dude, we have to tell him to stop playing with the dick in the tub

because I'm just like, it's too, now he's like three and a half. And he starts, does he pull on it? Dude, he loves it. He's like,

yeah, hey, yeah, he's like, and he tries to get at it, you know, like it's a fucking, like it's a cupcake or something.

He's just trying to get at my shit and I'm just like, I don't, I think it's around four-ish that you kind of maybe separate the nudity because then it'll just be weird, I think, because I was telling Trisha it's around four-ish that you kind of maybe separate the nudity yeah because then it'll just be weird

I think because I was telling Trisha I was like when do we like when do we stop taking baths together I don't think I've ever seen my dad's penis

I don't think I've heard my parents fuck tons and stuff but I've never like you know I don't remember what my dad's penis looks like Mac is constantly

upping my shit upping Trisha's shit do you shower with him do you take baths with him i shower with him because he likes the waterfall yep and then like trisha does baths with him because i don't love the sitting in the bathroom i was like playing with the boats and i'm just like it's fun but i like just to be like because i can do the shower quick yeah on the waterfall yeah we go in the waterfall mac you want to go in the waterfall let's do it tonight boom bath time is now fucking five minutes yeah yeah that's even better yeah and what's the cutoff is four at four you got to stop i remember seeing my dad's dick when i was but it wasn't like we were in the bathroom together i walked in the bathroom you

just saw it yeah he was shaving and his dick was out and i remember you remember it like i remember it vividly i could draw it right now for you yeah perfect veins and everything i remember how intimidated it was because how when you're when you're a boy, how small your penis is. And then your dad's penis is gigantic. Your dad's penis, it's the biggest penis you've ever seen.

Massive, beautiful pubes. And then you see porn when you get older and you're like, my dad has a very small penis. Very small. My penis is small. What does it do?

And you start measuring and you're like, is it two hands? No. Can I see the foreskin? Two fingers. Just two fingers and a thumb. That's it.

Two fingers and a thumb. And you pinch it. That's a hook kick. I mostly pinch it. Can I see the foreskin? Two fingers. Just two fingers and a thumb. That's it. Two fingers and a thumb. And you pinch it. That's a hook kick. I mostly pinch it. But I think for the kids, you've got to cut them off at some point because then it gets weird. It gets weird. Yeah. I don't want it to be weird.

I want my kid to be... I want my family to be so normal. Yeah. I just want it to be normal. So are you a child of addiction? Were your parents ever... No. Was there anybody in your family?

Here we go. Here we go, baby. You want to... Because I am a kid we go. Here we go, baby. Because I am a kid of addiction. I grow up strict Mormon. Oh, shit. Then my parents got the knock on the door. My dad lets him in.

My dad's a conversationalist. My dad's like a fucking purebred science, fucking very highly intelligent entrepreneur, U.S. patents of medical laser equipment, like highly intelligent man. Very, very intelligent. But he drinks the Kool-Aid somehow. A lot of people do, man. They knock on the door, he feels the Holy Spirit,

and all of a sudden our entire lives, like it's amazing. So we grow up highly involved in the Mormon church. Like you as well. Born into it. Born into it born into it 13 years wow boom we moved the thing and the only reason that we are not mormon and it took we're fully excommunicated oh so they don't fuck with you anymore we don't fuck with them wow it took years of like real real lawyer type stuff and like like you got to get fully.

Pulled away. Pulled away. All the files, our names, the history. All that kind of shit taken out. And the fucking thing is that, you know, we lived in Nova Scotia. And the church was massive. Like you'd go there. It's like Super Bowl Sunday Mormons.

Like packed. And church on Sunday for Mormons is like eight hours. It's like a day. Eight hours? It's like going to school for a day. But you leave and come back or no? Yeah, you do the fucking shit. The big,

like a full normal church session. Then you go and do school. And then you go and do all this other, and then you go back and do another full session. And then the fucking, you got the big screen with the tabernacle choir fucking screaming at you wow and there's like dude it's crazy the three levels of heaven and i was like a piece of shit kid like from day one i never drank the kool-aid i don't know what three levels of heaven is by the way dude there's like the celestial kingdom all these different fucking

things okay would you not even get you wouldn't. I was like, I'm in the lowest one because I was a fat little kid that used to steal chocolate bars or steal a kid's bike or beat the fuck out of a kid. That sounds like heaven to me. It sounds like you were in heaven already. I would steal chocolate bars

and steal people's bikes. And like, you know, like grade five. Dude, in grade four, I got brought home by the police because I pulled a knife

that I stole. Damn. I stole this knife and I pulled a knife on a kid and I got brought home by the kid and I got home by the police And I was just like, you know, the kid was making fun of me and fucking I had a little knife on me But I was Stabbing kids

No, but the best thing ever is it's like we move out of Nova Scotia my dad's business his company is brought He has to go to this new factory that's developing this air filtration system for these beds he's designing to heal bed wounds. And we move... Like bed sores and shit? Oh, yeah. And so he makes these beds, whatever. And we moved to

Fort Erie. Now where is Fort Erie in comparison? That's where I live now. And so in grade five, we moved there and there we fucking everything just came like unraveled because there was no church we went there we would go to the church and there's like eight fucking cracked out families trying to like get saved where like before we were like my dad was like a high deacon we we rolled we sat on the same fucking bench as the bishop's family like every Sunday we fucking bench as the bishop's family.

Every Sunday we had dinner with the bishop's family. We were like the Mathesons were like Mormon fucking super troopers. So wait. Was it like a socialite thing for your parents at some point? They were kind of the upper echelon of the church? I think my dad really enjoyed the history of it. My dad really enjoyed the family tree aspect of it. There's all this fucking weird shit. I remember we would get two bucks a week for fucking allowance and we would have to give our

fucking 20 right off top to the fucking pence to the shut up church my dad would every weekend we would fucking put it you get a little envelope you put in your fucking 20 cents that 20 cents is going towards i was like i need my fucking two bucks it's a kid from day one but they trained that's what they trained you to give the brain wants you to do that yeah but it's all crazy but it's even like when my sister dude you dude, you're going to love this. My sister got excommunicated. The whole thing that started really triggering the full crazy, because we stopped going to church, whatever.

We grew out of it. Sure. The congregation is like, whatever, weak as fuck. And my dad's like, this is fucking weak as fuck. This ain't fucking. That's what he said when he left. He's like, fuck this shit. It's weak as fuck.

I'm out. Yeah, you Mormon fucking posers out here. This is fucking weak as fuck. Fort Erie that's what he said when he left he's like fuck this shit's weak as fuck i'm out you mormon fucking posers out here this is fucking weak as fuck fort area ain't got no god game fuck you i'm out i'm gonna go to hooters and fucking start drinking like non-alcoholic that's my church yeah hooters dude my dad straight up i remember he took us to hooters and our minds were blown that's why we knew shit was changing we went to because it's 40 years right next to buffalo new york right so we would go to Buffalo all the time. And we're in Buffalo. My dad's like, let's go eat at Hooters.

And we're like, excuse me? With your mom? With my mom. Family dinner. Let's go to Hooters, eat, slam some wings. And we go. And my dad orders a fucking non-alcoholic beer. And me and my brothers are just like, what the fuck is going on?

What, do you think something happened? I don't even, dude. Would you imagine there was a catalyst between your parents that like something clicked and it was like, I don't want to do this shit anymore? I think they just pulled out. I think we as a family were like kind of, we were all teenage, like I'm 13. Yeah. So it was like kind of like the rough patch of like the community needing help and making casseroles and cakes and like. Oh, shit.

Like I was never allowed to sleep at anybody's house growing up you know like no sleepovers because they weren't more like my parents were like you're not sleeping that person you're gonna get fucking molested you're gonna get like you know like no way you're going over there will you dispel some rumors for me then yeah okay so because i know these are kind of annoying but but i really don't know is is no caffeine real is that real 100 so no caffeine at? My parents were hardcore about that. I never had sugar. No sugar, no caffeine, no coke, no coffee.

Yeah, no, straight up. None of that shit. I never had a Coca-Cola in my life. To this day? No, no, no. Until then. Until like 13, and then I just started. Then you found Coca-Cola and acid.

Yeah, just like acid. Right, it's the best thing in the world. And then what about like, there's different sections of Mormons that promote multiple wives, right? Yeah, that's like Orthodox. That's the best thing in the world. And then what about like, there's different sections of Mormons that promote multiple wives, right? But that's not all of them. That's the same as like Hasidic Jews and Orthodox.

Like there's like hardcore old school, old world testament motherfuckers that have the wives and they look like almost like Mennonites and like they wear the dresses and they have the multiple wives. And there's definitely like, I think the reason that there's like

even four kids in my family is like the church. the multiple wives and like there's definitely like i think the reason that there's like even four kids in my family is like the church that's why people have kids like the church wants you to have keep it going members yeah they want members my wife's dad was a mennonite and i know almost nothing about them other than it scares the shit out of me dude mennonites are for real yeah that's legit shit they're like that's like some anyone that can actually build a barn yeah and like withstand his like contribute to society the way that they are they're the most powerful people i know they they're like yeah cool you got instagram i just made a cornfield i harvested a cornfield with a horse you fucking lazy loser you can't even change your oil yeah what is it what what is he made by the way he made half of. He helped us rebuild half this fucking house with his two hands.

He's incredible. But he got away from the Mennonite religion because the staunchness of it is insane. They can't do shit. It's like anything. It's just too much of anything is not good. Right. And it's just like same with Mormons. It's like my sister got knocked out, whatever, had cam when she was like 19.

Were your parents pissed? Kicked out of the house. Yeah, they were fucking mad. She was a whore. I remember like my- Did they say that shit to her? Dude, I remember she was kicked out of the house and it was right at the time

that we were leaving provinces. We skipped, you know, we went from Nova Scotia to Ontario. Ontario, yeah. Sarah did not move with us when we moved. That was like a conscious, you have to stay here type of shit? Yeah.

Wow. And so Sarah, and then like months later, I think, you know, my dad quickly realized what they kind of did. And he like drove out, picked her up because, you know, her and the guy that she had cam with, like they split. Right. You know, just young kids. And then we went and got our sister back.

But it was like, it was crazy. And then she had another kid with this guy, Cale. And it was crazy. They wanted to kick her out. Of the family. No, they wanted to kick her out of the church. I think it was like an unrepenting whore because you had two kids out of wedlock. Is that what they stamp you with?

It was like a thing. Unrepenting whore? It was like a piece of paper where. Is that what they stamp you with? It was like a thing. Unrepenting whore? It was like a crazy, it was like a piece of paper where she was going to go in like front of a tribunal or some shit. And I remember the missionaries. Yeah. They showed up to our house and my older brother is a fucking psychopath. Like fucking loose cannon, like has hands on him like a motherfucker.

Right. Like never lost a fight. Small town. Like he's like Brad Pitt and Snatch. So he's like um like brad pitt and snatch like so he's super handsome too yeah he is like he's he is a very sexy skinny like one of those guys it just ripped naturally yeah i'm like a fat i'm like a piece of shit tied up in the middle you know like it's just like legitimately like i've always been just a fat kid and then like my younger brother is legitimately like me like a big built guy and

like my younger brother's kind of shorter and built and like we're all like sturdy like young none of you look the same no no actually like we don't i'm always like i always used to say that steve was adopted because he looks like i was just like man i always used to say he was like matey because he's just like he because he has really dark skin. And we were in Nova Scotia, so I was like, man, you're like half Micmac, which is like the tribe out there, which is highly racist, and I'm going to lose it. No, but you know. As a kid, I was always like, man, you're adopted or something. And then later on—

Did he buy into it ever? I don't know. He's depressed, probably. Well, my little sister— We don't look anything alike. My half-sister is 10, 9 years apart from us. From me, I mean. And all the time, like a real piece of shit older brother,

I would constantly drive it into her head over and over. I'd be like, you know mom and dad found you. You know that, right? Dude, so does Lisa. I would do it so much. It was so fucking mean that she would cry and get upset and ask my parents if it was actually real. And my parents would be like, no, no, that's not true.

And I'd give her the look like, yes, it is. You're being nice. When you're 37 and you got fucking two kids, they're going to tell you. They're going to tell you soon. I go, just wait. Just wait until it comes out, man. And you deserve it. But we found you for sure.

You deserve to know later in life and your whole life thinking that it was a joke. It's not a joke. It's not a joke. Dude, I have a condensed story I'll do as fast as I can because I don't want to give names away because it's a friend. I about my family just yeah well well this is my family we can talk about ours but like i don't want to give somebody else's but i know a guy this is insane i know a guy whose father went to prison for um for extort financial extortion yeah while in jail he admitted the family that he had cancer and been hiding it wait it gets even better after

he fucking dies a guy shows up to my buddy's door and tells him he's his father's lover and they had a family together. So he was gay, didn't tell anybody, had cancer, didn't tell anybody, was stealing money from everybody,

didn't tell anybody, and died and was like, this shit is on you. How fucked, how fucked is that? You go just like kick the fucking gravestone? Just like go yell at the gravestone? I mean,

that's trauma. That's like real shit. That's so deep, dude. You have zero, you never have closure ever he's gonna you'll never have closure he like won he he did it again do you know what i mean yeah he's like one more cherry on top of fuckery yeah i'm gonna fuck you on top of fuckery i think that that kind of stuff i mean like so when i talk about he's a bitch like you can't do that to your family no that's a bad move like you i hate weak people that are afraid to address a situation. Yeah, you might as well.

You're going to die, dude. I'm going to die. Mom, honey, honey. I like fucking guys. Yeah. Me, Teddy. Great. Teddy's the best guy in town.

I love. You know what? We fuck every day. Me and you, I love you too. But we were just best friends. Yeah. Me and him, passionate sex. I fucked the shit out of Teddy. Every night, we fuck so much. And I love him so much. And I and you, I love you too. But we were just best friends. Yeah. Me and him, passionate sex. I fucked the shit out of Teddy.

Every night. I love Teddy. We fucked so much and I love him so much. And I love you. I just couldn't tell you about him. Yeah. Because he's, I would feel bad. This sounds really nice.

It does. If I was your wife, I'd go, okay. I would talk about that. I'd be like, honey, you're my best friend. Yeah. And I think we have a good situation. But I love, me and Ted, man, he's got a car. I'd suck the skin off his dick

i'd eat his ass like a fucking pipple eat a bowl of cheerios you know like it's just like one of those things that is just people just need to be more honest because i think it's just like the lie is usually not the thing it's just like they're not telling that for some reason breaks people's brains yeah well it broke it broke them i talk about situation it sucks well i talk about my family all the time on the show or i have before it's like i think we all start to realize as we get older into your the latter half of your 30s i think the 30s is when it starts to secrets come out about families and shit starts to get fucked up it's crazy and you're like whoa we were that's that oh my god this is this isn't what i thought

it was i was a child of addiction. And like, you realize that everybody has so many flaws like that, that you just go, oh, we're cool. I'm fine. And when you're a kid, you're freaked out because you're like, what the fuck? Are we the only people that are like this? Is everybody else walking their dog

in the lawn, smiling and waving? You know, like, no, there's all sorts of fucked up shit. There's all sorts of fucked up shit. Yeah. And that's the thing too is like, you know, I had like a lot of trauma happen to me as a kid.

And it's still just like, at a very young age, I knew that it wasn't my fault. And so then I wasn't like, I didn't have really crazy hang. I'm an insane person. I'm a fucking full blown addict. Yeah. Full blown fucking drug addict. But I know how to deal with it now. Right.

And I know that it wasn't my fault. And I think a lot of people, especially in this world right now where everything is victim shit. Victim culture. Yeah. Victim culture is, especially in this world right now where everything is victim shit. Victim culture, yeah. Victim culture is just like, man, I come from gnarly shit. Yeah. And it's just like,

it's okay. If you, if you, it's just like, live your, if you let them, if you let yourself be the victim, then they win again.

Same as if you died and you didn't tell your wife about your lover and your whole other family. Like, it's like shame on you, actually, man. But it's just like if you were to just like live your life and just be like, yo. This is the truth. Yeah.

It's okay. We're all good. I'm not dead. I'm not dead, man. It's okay. We're tough. Yeah, we'll figure it the fuck out. Yeah, man.

All these people. I don't know. How do you think, what gave you the, like, what was the impetus for you to kind of get clean and get all your shit together and move forward and become, because dude,

you're the, you're probably the, you're like the, to me, the epitome of what it's like to come out the other side cleaner than when you went in. You know what I mean?

Where, man, from the little I know of you, it's like your attitude is fucking wonderful, your presence, you glow, bitch. I glow.

You glow. The thing, I've always glowed. The thing, I've always glowed. You know, I've always glowed. But shit got you down at some point, right? Dude, I was crushed. I was a piece of, I was like, the thing, okay, so I become a chef, right? I make it to the top. I'm the big dog.

I'm fucking running my shit. I'm running restaurants. People's money, fucking reviews. I'm successful at being a chef at 27 years old. That's super young, right? It's pretty fucking young. To have multiple restaurants and be a thing, a real chef, and have notoriety.

You're the king of Toronto at some point. I'm not the king. Gentilly's the king. Shout out to Robbie, our big fucking RG. But I'm just fucking i'm doing great but the thing that with chefs nobody says no to you no one can't the rule is yes chef yes chef yes chef yeah and so quickly you drink the kool-aid and you take the power and you can go different directions. Right. I took that as no one can say no to me. And now I can have every single drug dealer show up to my restaurant and give them a Cote

de Boeuf and a bottle of wine and make them look real cool in front of their stupid little girlfriends. Yeah. And I get my little eight ball at the end of the night. Wow. And so. Were you ripped while you were cooking? No.

Never cooked while you were high? No, you can't. I'm not one of the night. Wow. And so- Were you ripped while you were cooking? No. Never cooked while you were high? No, you can't. I'm not one of those guys. I was a very much like crushed during service. And then the second- The moment it closes. Last dish walks in the bathroom,

shovel, shovel, shovel, shovel, shovel, chug. I could chug easily a two six, a fucking Jameson. Yeah. Like very quick. Snort it, chug it. I six of fucking Jameson. Yeah. Like very quick. I'm just like a fucking trash can. Would you have benders?

Would you go for days and days and days and days? Yeah. Like I was just like, but it was every day. It was every day for years. And I'm like a trash can where I'm like, I would do acid. I would do shrooms. I would do fucking MDMA. I would do Coke.

I would crack a little time a couple mess never heroin throwing some crack in there once in a while this sounds like you're making a meal first of all i did the fucking uh the fighter and the kid thingy yeah with fucking oh the callum wasn't there the fucking he was afraid so i just he's a pussy callum's a bitch pussy yeah he's afraid he's a bitch he talks about he's whatever he's an old bitch he's sad but shop is good because he's a young buck yeah yeah and he's doing the keto i hope he's losing pounds i think he i think he's gaining weight well you gain first then you lose right isn't that what he says that's not me i'm gaining still i'm still gaining you're on the front half i'm on the front half yeah that's top heavy yeah top heavy but what the first time you did their show i i was talking about zombie lines where I take ketamine and I use it.

I love a fucking trank. So just take ketamine, fucking Coke, E, MDMA, smash it up, and put it all into a bag. And then that was like my fucking – that was my dusty dust. That was like big daddy. And you could walk around like that like nothing – like it's fine? Yeah. No. Because ketamine doesn't put you in a hole?

Doesn't it loop you out? No, just a little bit. Like I would just get my hands and like Lisa could contest. Cause she's, she's known me for like 10 years. I would just be like, like a lizard man. Yeah.

You just get the face and you're like, yeah, start tweaking. You're like in your mind, you're just having the greatest conversations about everything in life. And you're like having the greatest moments, but like, yeah,

like I would, I would just consume and consume and consume yeah and then at the end it was not nice you know I changed were you ruining relationships too?

same girl since high school wow the same Trisha Spencer but what about I mean friendships and everything else no I wasn't

you weren't a destructor. I wasn't. You were a self-destructor. I was a self-destructor. And because I had such a force field of things that I could give, I could make everyone happy. Restaurants make people happy. So many. Yo, come in for a fucking dinner.

Oh, I fucking, oh, I fucking went to your bar last night. I walked out on my bill. Yo, go fuck yourself. Come in for dinner. Shut the fuck up. Here's a bottle of fucking Pappy Van Winkle. Get the fuck out of my face. It's almost too easy for you.

Yeah. I just have. And because of the industry that we live in, I don't even think I paid for a meal or a drink in my town for 10 years. Shit. It's just like I would go into any bar and have graduation night or fucking whatever. It was a celebration every night. And I would just just at the end of the night be like we cool we're cool figured out so wait this was 10 years of your life like this longer yeah dude it was like and but i was still this guy i was still like this happy funny crazy dude but at the end of it

like because i had my heart attack at 29, and then after my heart attack, I didn't die, and then my ego went banana town because I was invincible. You're like, no one can kill me. I can't kill myself. My own body can't kill me. And I've been doing all the drugs.

I've been doing all of the drugs, and they kill, fucking can't kill me. And I'm fucking now. I'm fucking now. Now you're Superman. I'm fucking pumped up. Still little dick, pumped up. Little dick pumped up.

What did this feel like when you had a fucking heart attack? A lot of people ask. Yeah. superman i'm fucking pumped up what a little dick pumped up little dick pumped up what did what did what did this feel like when you had a fucking heart so it's a lot of people ask yeah i was lucky to have mine in my sleep and be woken by my heart attack you woke up from a heart attack yeah don't people usually just die from that shit lucky motherfucker i'm a fucking rhino i'm a fucking rhino yeah i know you said you like tranks you like things that take down animals you know when east mature is coming out of the rhino's asshole? Yeah, that's you. Like the greatest comic.

That's my life. That's me. That's when I'm gleaming. When you're burst out of the asshole? When I come out of the asshole of the rhino. That is me at my best. That's where I want to be. Like in my mind, I'm like, how much more like vodka drink?

Like I would just drink pint glasses of vodka. That was your go? Vodka was your? At the end. My drink at the end of like the full like sadness spiral at the very end my drink was a pint glass filled with ice filled with vodka two limes fuck and i drank like 10 of those quickly in a sitting in like two hours holy shit i was just drinking like water and then that's and then i'd be like then i had the fucking let's go let's go to the fucking

weird house let's go to the drug home let's go. Let's go to the fucking weird house. Let's go to the drug home. Let's go to the drug home. 10 of those and that's how you started the engine? Yeah, yeah. That's insane. Or even less or more. But that was how I needed to crank up fast.

So I would just drink glasses of vodka. Is that what you did the night of your heart attack? No, that binge, I don't even really remember. I just know that I went hard for like three days. And when I crashed, that's when it went. And then when, so the feeling of the heart attack, I woke up and I used to have palpitations all the time as a big dog and the fucking,

so I used to always at parties, if you'd see me do, I'd do this mid party, like at a house party at a bar, I'd be fucking railed out and be like, and I'd cough through my palpitations and fucking, and I'd just through my palpitations and fucking and i'd just be like okay i'm good i'm good boom okay let's go fuck a couple more shots and you're ready i was a barfer too i was a huge barfer so like middle of the bar shot

and just like ralph fucking just get back to it yeah that was a clean start i was like fuck i i was like a cat like you know you're like and then just like boom instantly back and the fucking the dream the dream was i wake up and i'm at my house which is like across the street from the restaurant and and and and i wake up like five in the morning and it's after like three days it's like sunday morning and i was just like fuck i was like this one's different i was like this is some different shit right was it was your heart fluttering or no it wasn't fluttering it was getting crushed it was uncompromising movement of like constriction constriction yeah like a fucking snake is wrapping your chest and and and i didn't get the get the not breathing thing.

It wasn't like, my left arm's numb, getting a heart attack. Right, yeah, yeah. It was just like this thing that I couldn't, and it was, I've had palpitations my entire career. I've had them for about 20 years because I have a murmur. You got a murmur, okay. So I get it all the time. The fluttering's stressful. But it's funny, when you say that cough thing, yours is for fun, and people think I'm a weirdo when I'm like, I'll do that. And. The fluttering is stressful. But it's funny when you say that cough thing. Yeah. Yours is for fun.

And people think I'm a weirdo when I'm like, I'll do that. And you try to cough it out. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you have to. Cough it out. Yeah, you have to cough it out. Well, they say you're supposed to cough. I had a doctor tell me cough as hard as you can.

And if you can hang your head down, it helps because it activates more blood flow. So it just pushes way more blood through the murmur in your heart so i was self-taught i was self-taught i was just like i was just like like just to see the guy with his imagine walking into a party you're like we're here right after you've thrown up yeah i love pissing my pants and fucking the thing is uh you won't so you wake up you wake up this feels different. This feels different. The constriction is absurd. The constriction is real. And even Trisha's just like... Trisha's been with me for so long that she's just like, okay, what's up?

You're like, you're fucking... You stupid idiot. Yeah, you're fine. Kind of thing. You're fucking... What are you doing? Are you having a... Go to the hospital.

That's her demeanor with me. That's like my family. I love that. Go to the fucking hospital. Oh, you're bleeding? You're fine. Yeah, Trisha... So I'm like, okay, I'm going.

It's real. Something's happening. It's going to happen. Fucking something's're bleeding? You're fine. Yeah. Trisha. So I'm like, okay, I'm going. It's real. Yeah. Something's happening. It's going to happen. Fucking something's happening. You drove yourself to the hospital? Trisha drives me to the hospital. Goes to work.

Drops me off. She goes to work. She's like, you're going to call me if you need something. Yeah. Yeah. See you, babe. See you, babe. Parking's like 16 an hour.

Yeah. I'm not fucking. Fuck that. And so I walk in. And as soon as you say heart in the hospital you get to skip the line 100 and so they're like do you do drugs name it and i'm like yes yes yes yes smoke cigarettes eat i eat cigarettes i eat everything like it's just like yes yes yes yeah what did you do yeah and so then i go they take your blood and your enzymes flip your body your cells flip in your whole body so my blood they take your

blood they're like you had a heart attack four hours ago fuck and i'm just like four hours ago so i'm no my brain instantly goes so i'm good yeah i'm alive and they're like we you need to we're putting you into er and you have to stay in the hospital until your enzymes go back flip back and i'm just like sick go outside i'm like can i go make some phone calls and they're like yeah go outside instantly like light up a cigarette i was just gonna say that light up a cigarette go through my pockets i still got like two bags of coke on me and like i'm just like okay what am i gonna do i'm to be in the hospital for two days. Okay, I have to throw out these bags of Coke, like little shitty fucking sucked on shitty bags, and fucking call my mom.

Hey, Mom. Had a heart attack. Had a heart attack, Joni. Happened. Big dog's going down, but I'm fine. Joni's the sweetest person. How did they handle that kind of shit? My parents are survivors.

Did they know you were using too? Yeah, dude. Heavily. Man, I, yes. Well, dude, some people don't. I'm not gonna,

like, criminalize my parents. My parents were the fucking best parents in the fucking world. Yeah. My parents are like, fucking, they were like,

once we flipped out of, like, Mormonism, we went completely into the coolest fucking world I've ever seen. Yeah. And I hope kids could have the relationship that they have.

Like, my parents are my fucking, not my best friends, because I think that shit's geeky. But my parents are my fucking dogs. My parents are my only friends. So thanks for saying that. Yeah, you're a fucking loser. You're a fucking loser. They're the only people I know. I love people that are like, my kid's my best friend.

No way. It's like, no. No. Your kid is not your best friend. My kid won't even be my friend. I'm not even going gonna befriend my child fuck that no

I put him in a room and they sit you sit sit FaceTime that's it I know my kid from FaceTime most of the time

he's on the fucking watching Baby Shark does he think you live in the phone sometimes sometimes he asks Trisha if we can like talk to dad like it's yeah

that's interesting it's all weird because you're on the road so fucking much yeah I'm on the road like the last year like nine months how long are you doing what you're doing right now how Because you're on the road so fucking much. Yeah, I'm on the road like the last year, like nine months. How long are you doing, what you're doing right now, how long are you on the road for?

I'm home, I go home Sunday. Yeah. Because I got some other stuff in the next few days. I go home Sunday. I'm home for two days, a day. Yeah. A couple days. Then I go to Houston.

I got a thing in Houston. Then I go home for a couple days. Then I do a two- week tour from Vancouver down to fucking here over to Salt Lake Chicago Chicago is my last day what are you doing in Chicago

where are you going to be at I don't know the venue Chicago Theater it's massive I wonder it's massive Dahlia Hall is what I play when I go there

when you do your live shows what is it like for you like how did you like how do you prepare for that what is your zero nothing zero

my first tour was in Boston kicked off in yeah first time i ever did it zero prep yeah zero prep what do you do when you go out exactly yeah no fucking idea no it's all kill it yeah i go on stage i talk about myself and i roast myself i talk about my life my shortcomings how long do you do up there? An hour. Yeah. First day. Nobody with you?

Nobody with me. Nobody opens. Not an opener. It's cold. You're cold. I think I'm going to bring Heavy. I'm going to let Heavy. We had dinner last night. Bought the dinner.

Thanks, Heavy, for pretending to take your wallet out. And literally. And then he took the food home for his dog. He's like, do you mind? We went to Park's fucking barbecue. He's like, pizza would love this. Wait, you went to Park's Finest? Is that where you went to?

Park's Barbecue. Oh, Park's Barbecue. Yeah, yeah, you went to Park's Finest? Is that where you went to? Park's Barbecue. Oh, Park's Barbecue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's the best. I love fucking Jeff. Yeah, he's the best. He's got a fake wallet. One time.

I don't even think it's in the wallet. What's in the wallet? One time. One time. I'm flourishing. I love it. He's flourishing. I still think he bought his followers.

But it's fine. It's fine. He lost a lot of weight. Dude, he lost. Dude, I know fucking heavy when he was heavy. Yeah. He's not heavy anymore. No.

He's just a skinny guy with no lips and he hikes and he talks about his calves. You talk about girls like it's the first time. Like he's like a born again virgin, but now he's dating somebody I think or something. Well, when you start to get pussy, I think it's like a. I think he was a virgin until like last year. Really? I think so. Maybe.

I think so. Or he had some secrets. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Paid advocates. Sexual? I think so. Maybe. I think so. Or he had some secrets, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, paid advocates. Uh-huh. Sexual advocates. Some friends.

He was getting his dick sucked out of your window in Toronto, like those fellas who didn't pay. No, he was like an unfunny fat Jewish kid from fucking Toronto, you know? And now he's skinny.

And he's a skinny, unfunny guy. Check out Heavy Sets, though. 100%. Check out Heavy Sets. Yeah, this is all love. This is how you know you really...

That's the same kind of cloth we're cut from is like if we're shitting on each other and joking around that's the only way I know we love I tell cooks

and cooks and comedians are very similar yeah if I stop talking to you it means I hate you I fucking hate you if I'm not roasting you and making fun of you

until you want to like fight me yeah it's because like we love each other. I love you. Even like, it's really funny. My sous chefs will see it.

They're like, oh, you're not talking to Steve anymore, eh, bro? You walk in, because I would walk into the kitchen, and as a chef, I'd just start ripping everyone's mise en place. It's like jokes. Jokes are mise en place, right? Right. You're preparing for jokes. People are cutting celery.

People are doing filleted fish. Wait, say it again. Mise en place? Mise en place. Put something in its place. Mise en place right right it's what you you're preparing for jokes people are cutting celery people are doing wait say it again mise en place mise en place put something in its place like mise en place is prep okay i'm gonna say i mean that's gonna be the name of my next album mise en place yeah mise en place i love that and so so fucking you'd be shitting i would just walk in be like oh is that how you cut fucking celery you piece of shit where are you a fucking brick layer fuck you what the fuck are you doing you piece of shit like you literally woke up today and you were like this is how I'm gonna cut celery today I'm a fucking what did you do last night

more coke than me you fucking loser no you didn't yes chef yeah exactly and then and now the world's different and now I don't do that

and I'm a different guy because you can't you literally can't no you have to have a person and you go in and you're like I'm just very upset

with the way you've cut the celery I don't like what you've done and I just think that you could do better and if you do this uh two more times you're gonna get a written letter and then we're gonna the world has changed to me are you still cooking right now no not at all never again i'm gonna open up some restaurants and do some stuff soon soon yeah yeah yeah we're building i'm building a restaurant right now i just took a lease on for another restaurant are you doing are you doing tv shows based on these things too or no no that shit's whack yeah it's like i'm my own worst enemy i could the amount of content that i'm putting out

i'd be putting out and i'm gonna sound like an asshole i'd be putting out way more if i actually captured the things i actually do in my life yeah but it's just like there's a balance there is like i'm like i don't need to make you don't have to capture everything right but it's just like and the thing about like being the from the chef to like now just me being maddie and like the thing about comedy that i'm like i've still never seen a live comedy show what i've never been to a comedy show in my life i know it's crazy that's always because i'm so nervous, especially now because I do spoken word. Yeah. And I always say, I'm like, I'm not a fucking comedian.

This is just, I'm Matty Matheson. You're a comedic personality. Yeah. How about that? I'm like, yeah. I'm like, I'm funny. Yeah. That's it.

I'm funny. And I'm very reactionary. And so it's just like a funny thing where like, I'm almost more nervous now because I'm doing this thing where I'm on stage and I feel like I got the microphone. I'm doing the thing. I hit the microphone. You do the fucking stupid thing. Right. Whatever. But I'm like, if I was to go there, I feel like I could not do a five minutes of standup. Of standup. Well, it's a different beast. It's just totally, it's not your world. It's crazy. Yeah. The amount of, and going into my tour. Yeah. With zero prep,

yeah the the amount of and going into my tour yeah was zero prep walking on stage in front of a packed out house in boston and i'm just like i don't know what this is gonna be either that was your first show first show and where was it at where's that boston uh some fucking place was it the wilbur theater maybe or no no it was like a tiny bar it was a packed house in a tiny bar cool but because we the first tour we did like two to 500 cap rooms to practice. Because we didn't know what it was going to be. And my manager's like, so what's it going to be? I'm like, we're going to see in about two more days. Were you planning with anybody throwing ideas against the wall or no?

No, I don't know any comedians. I know Heavy. Heavy, what do you think of this? Okay. But he's like, dude like because i don't have i have bit now i've developed a thing like an act i have an act i got an hour i can smash my hour yeah and now i'm already bored of it and now i'm like that's what we that's what we do we have to keep writing and keep writing and changing now i'm bored with it right and i because i'm like you could i could actually keep doing this thing I'm doing.

You'll kill yourself, dude. It's gnarly, though, because it really... That's why comics commit suicide. I can see that. The funny guys... Oh, wait, check on your funny friends. Yeah.

Well, dude, because they get fucking... We get so looped. There's guys that have been doing the same set for 10, 12 years. That's fucked, right? It's monotonous. Yeah, it's monotonous. It's not that the crowd doesn't...

The crowd doesn't fucking know that you're bored with it right you know you're fucking bored with it so you're repeating the same nonsense at some point you're it eats you alive yeah yeah you feel like you feel like shit you're a caricature of yourself yeah i'm just giving you a thing that's already been done all the time what is the turn like if you were to do is it like you kind of do a lap and then you're like okay you switch out 20 like i because even more of like chef comedian thing it's like the menu yeah right like my menu we are always changed like every month we change about 20 yeah you have to yeah that's dude honestly and this sounds crazy that's about what we do so when you're young in comedy you work your way up to like writing a good chunk of time when

you're very young five minutes you need to get at least five then to get 10 to 15 is important because you can start to local rooms. Right. And then when you get older, you work on hours and half hours, chunks, right? So you,

I work in chunks. I like 15, 15, 15, 15. That's how my brain works. Okay. Not everyone does it like that,

but once you do an hour, you either put it online, put it on Netflix or try to get it on, you know, Showtime, HBO, try to put a special out. If you can't,

you still need to like keep shifting and moving that hour along up the fucking belt because you're gonna get bored as fuck of it so dude 20 every once in a while like every year i would say i would say i would say most comics that are working through hours you do it every year you're working on like a new hour or so give or take you know You know what I mean? Like it's different for everybody. But for the most part, I'm shifting out 20% every few months because I'm trying shit this week. It doesn't work. Next week I try something that doesn't work.

When does it not work for you? I find it hard to believe. Well, it doesn't work in the way that like you don't want it. I don't like it yet. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the joke is like, it's like when you're creating a fucking dish and you're like, it

doesn't taste right. Something is like, it's not as good as i know it can be even if somebody goes and and it's it's hard when somebody goes maddie this is fucking delicious and you're like no it's not yeah you're so when you have like your home you have your little trust tree you know and then they're like you guys are like the same as my chefs yeah like especially with instagram we put up a dish my buddy's like yo bro like where are you putting that fucking basil's fucking stupid are you a fucking idiot bitch yeah you basil bitch you seared your fucking pork chop like a fucking idiot like we are all on that you need to shit on each other constantly like because it's just like i

like i love i don't care what the crowd says or reacts but if i have like three buddies in the crowd that i actually respect and then I'll take their criticism actually and be like what did you like truthfully like tonight when I do like my premiere like I'm gonna do a thing

at the beginning and I'm very excited because it's full of like a ton of friends and like people and even like my editor for my book in New York he's like

you want just as simple as he's like do you want the honest truth and I was like yeah he's like you talk too long that's a great note

and he's like you just talk too long that's a great fucking note and i was just like amazing and in la i'm gonna be like perfect i know exactly that was a perfect amount of criticism where i'm like i'm gonna say the fucking same thing i'm gonna say but i did meander a bit right now like i did kind of because i'm not telling jokes i'm telling life stories yeah so then i'm like i'm just gonna cut out that part and because I was in New York it was very specific because some of the things

I did like almost like there was a lot of people in the crowd that helped me with my career and I kind of like acknowledged them and talked about it

but that's important too all that shit's important at the same time I thought so and maybe because I didn't mention my fucking book editor he was kind of butthurt he's like it was a little long

when you were thanking all of your old executive producers from Vice and I was like yeah like you know I was heartfelt, it was a little long when you were thanking all of your old executive producers from Vice. And I was like, yeah. Like, you know, like I was heartfelt. Like, it was just like, it was amazing. You need those moments.

But you play, we call it playing the back of the room. That's what it's called. Okay. Because usually the comics sit in the back of the room if they're going to watch other comics. So we say play the back of the room means some guys only play the back of the room. Some guys love being a comics comic. That's what we call it. There's got to be like a chef chef.

There's got to be a thing where it's like there's a cool chef who's not really corporate, who will never fucking go corporate. It's like, fuck that shit. Yeah. They're so cool. Yeah. That's a thing. That's a thing.

I'm just like, give me money. Cholula? Love you. Give me money, baby. But that's the thing. Some people play. So you have to have a balance of like playing the back of the room and also, you know, also servicing the people that came to see you.

I never liked comedy that was like, fuck the crowd. This is me and them it's like no it's for them it's for them too you have to you have to have both you can't just play the back of the room eventually if you're just playing back of the room you're like the suicidal how about this you'll always be the guy that plays the back of the room once if you stick in that world yeah you'll never get out of it so tonight this premiere is it where is this going to be after we see it like where you'll just be on youtube it'll be on you'll just be on youtube and it's like and this is the thing that tell the people what it is i made a cooking show yeah i just i made my my cooking show and it's the way you would do it well it yeah because i made it yeah it's two camera guys one editor one sound guy one food stylist and me that's it that's it

no producers no emails no fucking thoughts you know we think you should do a little is that shirt the one that you want to wear for the yeah all that fucking shit that doesn't mean anything i did it in my house i got an air like my my wife and kids went and stayed up the in-laws for a week and i smashed and we made 12 12 full fucking 20 minute episodes in my fucking house. And now I'm gonna launch it on YouTube because I made like 60 episodes of TV with Viceland. Yeah.

And I made- Never again, by the way? No, no. And in the most peaceful, chillest way ever. Yeah. Just like we, I hit a ceiling, they hit a ceiling with me and we kind of were just like-

That's life. I'm where I'm at, I'm cool. Yeah. You know, it wasn't like a weird blow up. wasn't like a fucking i didn't go on a pr bend trying to like tell my end of the story we both faded away from each other yeah that's just being like dude i don't give a fuck i'm where i'm at you know what i'm a big boy and i'm gonna go and work right and so i went and worked and i i did the whole thing where I had like a couple meetings at Netflix and did some things

and I think like I think that I still don't know what I'm trying to pitch them and I think I think that I need to figure some stuff out but I was very

I was in a place too where I was very frustrated with I'm like I'm doing I'm doing the thing I'm coming to LA I'm taking meetings

this shit's whack and I'm just like this. I'm coming to LA. I'm taking meetings. This shit's whack. And I'm just like, this fucking world is so fucking stupid. It's whack as fuck. Would you like a water? People are stupid. I'm just, I'm like,

why is this young kid the head of the department that I'm talking to? The deciding factor. Yeah. And I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna go just make the thing

and I have enough people that follow me and enjoy my thing. And the biggest thing is like, I'm gonna go just make the thing. And I have enough people that follow me and enjoy my thing. And the biggest thing is like, I've realized that- You've cultivated your own fucking audience. I have my own fucking audience. You don't need a gatekeeper. I don't need a fucking gatekeeper.

Fuck that. And I know that I can make TV. Yeah. Because I fucking made it. Yep. Every, all of my shit is unscripted. Zero prep. Right.

One or two takes max. My new show is only one take oh that's the that's the deal only one take one take wow i go turn the cameras on i go fuck and i cook and you better fucking get it because that's it i don't do shit twice no so my entire career is a riff right which is people can't even fathom that really i find like when i meet people and i'm like isn't that doesn't that make me more valuable i've done 60 episodes of television i've done zero writers right no fucking writers no fucking anything well to me it reads authentic that's what i would say if it's like because to me then it's like oh it's your shit it's your product there's no there was no one dictating it wasn't like somebody puppeteered this fucking career for you you were like no no i just did it hey vice i'd love some uh critique

on the last season of the tv show it would be very helpful keep going maddie you're doing great thanks vice good dooch good let's go make another season of a fucking show i guess we're doing good that was it it was just like, dude, keep going, man. Keep doing your thing. You're getting better. Yeah. That's what they would always say.

You're getting better on being on television. Keep going. Did you want to be on camera or was that kind of annoying for you? That was a, it was certainly, I never had the,

it's much like being an actual, I never had the moment of a little child thinking I was going to be a chef. I never had the moment of being a chef

thinking I was ever going to be this. Yeah, right. I never gave a... I'm a very punk... I don't give a fuck about a lot of stuff, actually. If it all goes away, it doesn't matter to you. Kind of. Yeah, you'll figure it out.

No, because the thing is, if everything was to go away, I'd be a chef with restaurants that I still care about more than anything. And so I would... You can't take away me being a chef. No, right, yeah. I will always be a chef with restaurants that I still care about more than anything. And so you can't take away me being a chef. No, right. Yeah.

I will always be a chef. If the Instagram things or the fucking all this stuff and photo shoots and meetings and all that stuff goes, this entire career is a cherry. Yeah. So I'm just like, it's cool. And now that I'm making it myself, it's even cooler because I don't have to deal with anybody. Right. And now proof's in the pudding., it's even cooler because I don't have to deal with anybody. Right. And now, proof's in the pudding.

We're going to see what the fuck happens. But I'm completely steering the ship. I'm completely in complete control. The edits, everything. The fucking jokes. And it's amazing because I'm like, in the very first episode, the fucking through line joke through the whole episode is me eating cum. You know, because the sauce is cummy.

And I think that the sauce is cummy. And I'm just like, with Vice, even with Vice, with censorship and stuff like that, I had this one joke on it. The only time I tried to fight actually to keep something in

was in It's Supper Time. I had a joke and I was trying to, I it and i i was just like this is so fucking good it'd make my mom squirt and i was like it would fucking joanie wood gosh and you know and they were like we are not putting that in there why it's like exactly i don't think that doesn't that's not uh i don't think that? And then I tell that story in my live performance. And it crushes. And it crushes. Yeah. And then one person comes up during a meet and greet.

So this person paid extra money to come up to me. Yeah. Give me a very sultry drunk hug. Tell me how much they love me. Yeah. And then says that my show is not woman friendly. Not woman friendly? Yeah.

You made a comment about your mother one time? Yeah. And she's like, you're very different on stage than you are on Instagram. And I'm like. What would that even mean? Exactly. And I was just like, what? I'm talking about censorship.

And it's a joke. I don't know if Joni squirts. I'm not. Can I tell you? I do. I do. I know. She does. She does. I know she's a goer. She does. I know she's a goirts. I'm not. Can I tell you? I do. I do. I know. She does.

She does. I know she's a goer. She does. I know she's a goer. She does. I've heard mom and Joni and Steve, I've heard you too many

times. I know. They can fucking run around a room, those two. Steve can pump. Steve is the pump king, baby.

Steve's the pump king. Get back here, Joni. Joni! Steve, it hurts. Get back here, Joni. Yeah, doors locked. You know when the door's locked in the Matheson house,

what's happening? I'd have friends over from school and just like mom and dad just upstairs. They would fuck when you had friends over? I don't even. They're boss shit. That's boss shit.

Mom and dad going at it? They're like those people that they still like shower together every day. Shut the fuck up. Dude, they're my parents. That's beautiful. Yeah.

Do you shower with your wife? No. No chance. I have my own bathroom. Yeah. I have my own bathroom. I got my fucking, I like my own bathroom I got my fucking I like my shower

I got my beautiful newly renovated shower I got a Japanese stool do you have a Japanese toilet no I don't got the totos yet I want those dude I want those the spritz

yeah dude I was just in Tokyo I would just sit on that toilet and like play with my nipples and just have that water blast my little asshole and that would make you squirt that would make you squirt

I wish I could you couldn't squirt like Joni but you squirt. I wish I could. You couldn't squirt like Joni, but you would squirt. I wish I was a girl. Sometimes I have moments, I'm like, if I was a girl,

I would just... Just play with your pussy all day long. I would. Yeah. Because I just play with... Like, yeah. We can make it happen. I'm on the road all day. I'm on the road all day.

Like, literally being on... People don't understand. You go to a hotel and you jerk off. Yep. Before you go to bed, when you wake up, before you leave the room. And it's just all you do is jerk off. Sometimes it Before you go to bed, when you wake up, before you leave the room.

And it's just all you do is jerk off. Sometimes it's hard when I'm in a room to not just jerk off because I think I'm in a hotel. I'm so used to it. Yeah, like even like right now I walked in the room

and I was like, I want to jerk off right now. There's a carpet? Yep. And I would just, because in the hotels I just jerk off on the carpet. Everybody does.

It's true, right? That's why they have thin carpet. Some people don't say that. People that, I don't understand. I once said that, I was just like, I was talking to like one of my camera guys, fucking tort. I was just like, tort, like what the said that i was just like i was talking to like

one of my camera guys fucking tort i was just like tort like what the fuck i was just like you just fucking jerk off in the fucking you dump it on the fucking ground you dump it on the ground you walk away yeah and and he's like excuse me yeah you just jerk off on your floor and i was just like where do you get a little nappy and you set up a situation i fucking grunted out fucking good douche. I see a carpet. I'm coming. I'm coming.

Don't come on this carpet. This is brand new. This is brand new. I won't come on this one. Like, I'm jerking off. Like, I'm jerking off. Do you feel guilty jerking off in better hotels? Like, if it's a really nice hotel.

If it's a Four Seasons, do you feel worse? No. I love jerking. I like, no. I'm not, I'm a, no. You don't give a fuck? The thing I hate. I feel cooler when I jerk off in a nice hotel

nice hotel rooms are nice sometimes like I like like when you know that the windows are like you can't see in but you can see out

just like face against the window just like looking at the pool yeah no I don't do I don't do you're like you're in like Vegas

and it just smells like cigarettes in your fucking room and you're like I wish I wish I had the balls to have a sex worker come to my room and just like make me feel like a little make me feel special again yeah just make me feel do you smoke do you smoke cigarette no no i'm done i stopped smoking like last july are you

are you doing the vape thing or no no i'm fucking people do that it's so weird is a fucking loser fucking piece of shit you don't know who the fuck you are you're a fucking you're uh uh you're like literally you're you're grasping onto nothingness and you look like a fucking idiot and the vaping smoking batteries jewels yeah fuck that you don't know what the fuck you're just smoke a cigarette smoke a cigarette fucking marlboro red not good enough yeah you're telling me cowboy killers baby fucking human race. Now we're at the part where you're fucking sucking on fucking sticks with batteries with the blueberry, strawberry jam, cloud dragon.

Yeah. Fucking loser. Loser. You see a car. The best. You're in a car. Stop the traffic. Just clouds coming out of other cars.

You're like, that car is full of juggalos. Losers. Fucking loser. Losers. Loser. Juggalo hatchet men. Fucking. Faygo, bitch.

Dude. Yeah, loser shit. Sticky. That's up to you. By the way, that's up your part of the country. That's fucking, that's a lot of, that part of the world of the United States. Up there.

Up there is where all that shit takes place. Yeah. By the way, the border of Michigan, Canada, and all that stuff, that's where all the juggalos hide. Yeah. Be careful. That's near you. Yeah, they'll come get you, baby. No, I'm where all the juggalos hide. Yeah. Be careful. That's near you.

Yeah, they'll come get you, baby. No, I'm out in the woods. They can't find me. They can't find me in the woods. We're going to post Matty's address right here. If you look right here, this is his address. Come over. Come on over.

My grass is very nice. I have a lot of grass. I think I'm going to get... I have a lot of grass. I got 12 acres of grass. So when does this... Okay, so tell me. So people can see when is this stuff going to premiere on YouTube?

Are you putting out at once or is it week week to week type of shit i got 12 episodes it starts october 2nd october 2nd wednesday every other wednesday cool for six months so then was that your decision did you do you want to do that like that yeah why is that by the way just so i'm curious because i just i want six months of continuous content yeah and if i put it out every week i think every other week is okay and then i'm gonna do a game of thrones type recap show oh cool in between so i will be putting out a video every wednesday at like 11 a.m eastern standard time so whatever the fucking whatever the fuck it's on fucking wednesdays whatever it's wednesday whatever the wednesdays it's on

fucking youtube it's stupid. Yeah. But then I'm going to do, I'm going to roast. I'm going to watch my show like a fucking thing and roast my own show and answer questions from the comment section and go through the comment section. So I will have a video up every week for six months straight. That's smart. Yeah. That's smart to answer the people that have shit to say because I like that.

I love the fucking little troll dungeon. Yeah. Just let's go. You engage with all that bullshit? I don't. fucking little troll dungeon. Yeah. Just let's go. You engage with all that bullshit? I don't. I love reading it. Yeah. I don't engage.

Dude, I had somebody, I love when people say that I'm fat and I'm going to die in the comment section. I love that kind of stuff. What do you say? I don't say anything. I just read it, and I'm like, I'm fat and I'm going to die. I was like, once again, I'm like, I'm a fucking unbeatable force. You don't know what the fuck I've done in my life you fucking loser you fucking piece of shit I was like you know

what when I go to my cardiologist and I go to my checkups guess what I don't have high cholesterol I don't have high blood pressure because you know what I meditate and I'm fucking happy with who I am actually yeah so you know what most of these sick fucking loser fat fucks are fucking loser fucking people that are sad and most people are sad guess what not sad my body's healthy i'm just fucking 315 pounds of pure joy pure fucking joy i'll fucking rat fuck anyone they fucking anyone wants to go let's go let's fucking go fucking the hardest 30 seconds of your life you get past 30 seconds with me then you'll probably beat me up but after

but the first 30 seconds is tough as shit it's a whirlwind whirlwind whirlwind but after that the stamina drops off well a street fight

is usually what 15 seconds yeah 15 10 to 15 seconds yeah it's like at most most guys miss you get one punch

you get one punch you get clipped you're out you're on the ground you hit your head you die yeah and then all your friends are sad so everyone everyone thinks that they're the toughest guys and then they get a street fight five seconds later just arms up in the air it's crazy right the

zombie hands actually it's incredible did you see this guy by the way uh sidestep did you see the guy that fucking hit andy dick and knocked him out and almost killed him no did you guys see that shit like recently uh a couple weeks ago maybe no i just heard about it why was andy chirping no dude this is nuts it was outside of a show i guess i mean andy is always fucking chirping first of all so but andy was outside of a show talking to people and this is the most bitch shit on earth this guy ran up on him dude he he fucking he he uh cold cocked him like blindsided him so like not even to his face not even like fuck you and then hit him aside dude hit him in the blindsided him. So like, not even to his face, not even like, fuck you, and then hit him. Just on the side. Dude, hit him in the backside of the head like this. Wow.

I mean, knocked him out cold. Sucker punch, dude, that's pussy shit. You're a bitch if you sucker punch a dude like that. So he ran up, knocked him out, and he hit his head on the concrete. How did you punch out Andy Dirk? Dude, what a- That's so crazy.

Just push him. You could just push him. Push him. Yeah, but he was out for 15 minutes. Whoa. Yeah, they thought something was really wrong. He was fine, he woke up, but it was just like, if you're gonna be a man and hit somebody look him in the face before

you fucking hit him yeah i'm gonna let him know you always say that in a fight you're always like i'm gonna fucking beat the shit out of you i'm gonna break your ankle i'm gonna fucking i'm gonna break your fucking nose be a man tell him knock your eye out of your head yeah don't sneak up on him like a guy i get popped out and have you? Come out of his head? It was weird. It went weird. Even my older brother one time, he got smoked and his whole fucking, he had to get plastic surgery. His eyebrow got punched off pretty much.

Oh, because this got fucked up. It got fucking, whoa. I saw a guy get thrown through a plate glass window. I thought that was incredible. I mean, incredible. The guy picked him up and I mean, it was just like a cartoon. It was almost like superpower. When he went like this, it was like, yeah, he flew right to the fucking window.

Yeah. My buddy once, this is the best, there was these two animals, two animals, and they were fucking with this woman and her child on a thing. And my buddy just walked up, and he was like, hey, announced, and just dummied this guy. And they were two weird, they were like, it was like something out of a movie. They were two goons fucking with this woman and a woman and a character, just walking down the street and just kind of surrounded her at this street stop right down the street from one of our bars. And literally, and then my buddy, two dudes walked over, and he dummied this guy, and his head went through the window and then sliced half his face off through the window, and it was gnarly.

Run. Run! Let's go! The cops are coming! Even the woman was like, oh, my God! And we're all just like, just like, okay, you go over there. It was like, switch the clothes. The cops are definitely coming.

I think the guy's dead. I think the guy's dead. I think the guy's dead. You killed the guy. That was a sick punch, dude. Let's go. Oh, I'm sweating. It's just like, in my head still, that's such kid shit. I love growing up just fighting, like me and my brothers.

I remember in grade four, when we first moved, the first day, we moved from Nova Scotiaia to fucking saint thomas ontario small fucking butt fuck town we're we move right across we lived on this street called melikov street melikov melikov very russian neighborhood yeah i was just gonna say the school my elementary school that i go to is literally called Balaclava. And we're playing, like, whatever, like throwing a tennis ball against the wall. These two kids roll up and kind of fuck with us. I'm in grade four. Five.

I'm in grade five. What is that, eight, nine? Eight or nine. My brother is two years older than me, so he's in grade, what, seven? And these two kids come over. We're new kids on the block. It's a small little town. These two kids come over and try to fuck with us.

My brother, Steve, like beats the fuck. Like I'm watching, like when you're on top. And he was just like pounding him. When they're like holding him. Yeah, you know when you're like hitting him and his head's hitting the ground. And like this is like kid shit. And I remember my parents running over. Because even at a young age, it was crazy.

I remember we would have to fucking box my dad. We would have to go out in the back and fight Steve. Your dad was tough as shit, it sounds like. He's a newfie. He's like a fucking, he's good. He taught us how to, he was early, like punch through the face. Like back of the head. He wouldn't even punch it through the face, through the back of the head.

That's such a good look. Like, you know, like. Go all the way. Follow through. Follow through. Follow through. And he was head. That's such a good line. Like, you know, like. Go all the way. Follow through. Follow through. Follow through. And he was always, it's so funny, like he was always just,

he was just like, you're never supposed to start a fight, but if you don't fucking finish a fight. That's right. You know, like he was like one of those guys.

Yeah, dad. He was like a dad. He was a dad. He was a dad. He was a dad. But we would have to go, and I remember the first time that Steve beat Steve Jr.,

my older brother. Beat your dad? Because he has hands. He's like one of those mystical creatures. And he fucking dummied. He knocked out our dad once, boxing in the backyard. And we're all like, you know what you do? And we're all just like, ah!

You just knock out dad. Fuck! And we're like, he's fucking coming. We're like, get the fucking sword. Get the samurami sword. What is it called? Samurami? Samurami sword. Get the salami sword. What is it called? Salami. Salami.

Salami sword. Get the salami sword now. Get the salami sword. It's not the fucking. I'm getting the Braveheart. We have the Braveheart. We're Scottish, right? Yeah.

Scottish fucking newfies. And we're fucking. Get the sword. We're going to have to kill dad. Yeah. Because he's going to be pissed. No, he thought he was embarrassed. It was like, did not go what we even thought. We were just like, kill dad because he's gonna be pissed. No, he got up. He was embarrassed. It was like,

did not go what we even thought. We were just like, and we were just like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It was like one time I slammed like the trunk door we were getting groceries

out of the car. I slammed the fucking door and my brother's hand was in it. Oh shit. And his hand, he was just like, like, and you're just like those moments

where I'm screaming at him in fear of him, but he's like, literally my mom had to unlock the trunk. And his fingers were still fucking in it? Like fucking in it. And they're all cut. And I was like, oh my God,

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And it just like ran at me. The wrath of dad. When you beat dad at something for the first time, it just dynamically shifts the relationship. I beat my father at basketball for the first time.

Oh my God. And it was like, I could tell he was annoyed, you know? Oh. Everything shifted. He wanted to spank you. Yeah. Like yeah like our like as if like this this universal thing shifted where like my did you like look at him did you wink what'd you do like no i didn't no dude i didn't say anything because i felt weird it was really weird it's like it's like everything started to

balance like my dick probably was the same size at that point i started to beat him at shit you like carve the turkey next thanksgiving you just staring at him bitch my turkey bitch yeah this is my turkey things change dynamically when that happens but uh it's all it's all worth it and the growth of of who we've become today beautiful life is fucking beautiful chaos yeah like the chaos is what makes it good yeah if everyone was just fucking like how are you boring i would just like to can we I would love to hug you You know like yeah Fuck I just want to like the chaos is what makes us the fucking that's the grit That's the life to yeah the trauma the fucking death the fucking abuse the fucking horribleness

That's the fucking good. That's where the juice comes from Yeah, that's the juice So when you are now, are you going to go back on tour? Do you want to plug some dates so people can come out and see you and shit? Plug dates?

Yes. See, I'm not a professional. You don't know. It's a fucking, dude, I don't know. Well, we can put them in the description, but I want to know.

But you're on the road. You go Houston next? I go to Houston for like I'm doing a barbecue thing. I shouldn't even ask you. Where is he going? Lisa.

Lisa, where is he going? I'm just doing like a barbecue thing. I'm cooking. Yeah, but where's the going? I'm just doing like a barbecue thing. I'm cooking. Yeah, but where's the tour taking him next? Vancouver, 17th. No. Vancouver, the 12th.

12th. Yeah, Vancouver, Seattle. So Vancouver, Seattle. Portland. SF. And all this stuff is in October? Yeah. Yeah, it's all on my website.

I got tickets available. We'll link all that shit. We'll link it. Yeah. I'm doing like a whole spoken word thing. I talk about everything. It's the best. It's completely. And each night is different. Is Lisa coming with you? Lisa will be there. She'll do it. I'm doing like a whole spoken word thing. I talk about everything. It's the best. It's completely.

And each night is different. Is Lisa coming with you? Lisa will be there. She'll do merch. Are you going to get on stage? Never. Why can't we put you guys on stage? Why not?

Lisa's background. You play the cut? You just lay in the back, play the cut? Yeah. She's the crowd that I'm playing to. If she's laughing, I'm happy. Right. Because I respect her and I like her.

Yeah. And as soon as I'm done i'll like go backstage and she's usually at like either at the sound booth or whatever or at merch table and she'll text me like good one bad one like you did this good one bad one yeah good one trash trash move on dude you're fucking did you cry was there a moment you cried bitch yeah fuck man well uh i'm thanking you so much for coming. Fucking this was awesome, dude. I really, I appreciate it. What's your dinner?

I'm excited for tonight to come watch. Just watch me cook. Watch you cook and do your thing thing. Yeah. I appreciate you. I love you. Go to maddimatheson.com. Is that the website?

No, I don't have it. Somebody owns it. What? You have to get that shit back. Nah, it's like 15 racks. Fuck it. Is that what they fucking, did you reach out? Yeah, yeah. Dude, that's a fucking internet extortion. I Is that what they fucking, did you reach out? Yeah, yeah.

Dude, that's a fucking internet extortion. Somebody, somebody. I never, I should have bought it when I, I don't care about that stuff. Well, somebody did, somebody, I didn't have andrewsantino.com.

Yeah, dude, and we had to reach out. Somebody had taken it and then I. Your daddy just gives it away to anyone. Yeah, but I was like, this is like extortion. They're trying to like bleed money out of me

to get my own name back. Dude, Vice never owned vice.com and it was like, they had, they paid like millions of dollars. To get your own fucking name. See, that's so name vice vice never owned vice.com and it was like they had they paid like millions of dollars to get your own fucking name see that's so fucked up they bought for years but vice is a vague that's a word you know what i mean like your name is so fucked up your name should be protected unless it's another guy named andrew santino which it was not no it's like fuck somebody owns maddie maddie matheson because i i bought it after i found out i don't

i couldn't have maddie matheson.com i I bought like chefmaddimatheson.com. But all that bullshit. But then I just used maddimatheson.store. Oh, that's my website. That works. My website is maddimatheson.store. You can buy tickets for my entire tour. You can buy merch.

You can buy a $26 coffee mug. And fill your fucking boots. Fill your fucking boots. You know my fucking tour dates. I'll be out and about and around. Come see me out and then uh go see him wait there's an october i wish we had crossover i think i go to vancouver not till november dude fuck whatever that's all right it's okay we shall link again baby baby baby why won't you come inside me and we're out whiskey jitters that's perfect don't you come inside me it's probably out whiskey gingers that's perfect

the won't you come inside me is probably that's gonna be the best outro song I think I've ever fucking had

in here we pour whiskey whiskey whiskey whiskey whiskey you're that

creature in the ginger beard sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse

gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy five dollars for the wh and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.