Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Matty Matheson 2.0

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

Santino sits down with Matty Matheson to talk about gang members getting CTE, taking private jets, and partying with Leo DiCaprio, Jimmy Buffett and how his love for Benny Blanco led to another cooking show. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! BETTERHELP - Get help today through guided counsleing https://betterhelp.com/whiskey Get 10% OFF your first month LIQUID IV - Stay hydrated all day long https://liquidiv.com/ use code WHISKEY for 25% off !!! RITUAL - Get some good vitamins in your body today Get 10% OFF https://ritual.com/whiskey UPSTART - Clear yourself of your debt today! https://www.upstart.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show, or welcome to the show if this is your first time. It's a good one. We got a good one for you today. It's the Santino family playing against the Matheson family. I've been watching way too much Family Feud. Matty Matheson's on the show this week. This beautiful beast, this killer of the kitchen, this rotund royal king of the cookery is here. I love this dude. He's so funny.

He's so awesome. It's his second time on the show. I love getting a few repeat guests this season, particularly because the Rones got us all tied up and a lot of people can't make it into LA or aren't around town or whatever, what have you. But I'm glad that this dude came back into town and he's back on this show

because we had so much fun the first time that we met and we became close buds. And now his show Just a Dash is on YouTube, which is that we met and we became close buds and now his show just a dash is on youtube which is incredible um him and benny blanco have a show you're doing so much stuff it's ridiculous uh i love this dude it's your first time with us and you're on youtube hit that subscribe button hit the notification bell do all that good stuff so you know when we post what we post every friday can't miss us every friday if you're on youtube look below there's the merch bar down there. Shirts, hats, cups, glasses, sweaters, hoodies, pullovers, slingshots, whatever you want,

dude. It's all there. Or go to androsantinostore.com. Androsantinostore.com. We'll have all that. You're looking for more content? We got it on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Whiskey Ginger Podcast. That's where I do Zooms for the top tier, which awesome we do that once a month it's so much fun everybody gets in there and just chats it away while we're having a couple of sody pops i also do the solo episodes live there on the patreon uh it's nice and fun i'd love you to join if you're looking for me on tour aha we booked two dates salt lake city uh first weekend in april addison and addison uh down in texas first weekend in April, Addison down in Texas, last weekend in April, hoping that these things stick because of production and all the stuff that's going on.

But go to androsantino.com for them tickets. Get them before they shell out. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again.

Today it's Matty Matheson. Welcome back, me. Welcome back. Welcome back, me. Thank you, Andrew. Cover the mic with the thing, see? I did cover it. I brought it up here.

You're a Canadian. He's an out-of-town hardhead, so we want to make sure that we're doing all the precautions. This is it. Is this it? All right, put it over your face. Yeah, that's good right there. Matty's back in town because he's doing stuff with famous, rich, cool people all the time. Do you want to talk about the show that you're filming?

Are you allowed to talk about it? What's going on? Yeah, it's for Benny Blanco. I'm not getting paid so I can talk about however I want. But he's not paying you? No, there's no payment for Matty. Why would there be? He's like, hey, do you want to shoot a thing?

I was like, yeah, let's do a cooking show. And then he's like, oh, it's to market my my entire new album that's gonna make me more millions of dollars what's his album what's his album gonna be called it's like justin timber is it's just mostly about justin timberlake's relationship with himself justin timberlake is so sexy dude honestly every time i see that guy he's got a long he's got a long arm he's got a long arm dude a long forearm what no no you're beefy you are aren't you i'm a beefy boy you. A long forearm. Fine. Eat a petit peu. No, no, no. You're beefy. You are, aren't you? I'm a beefy boy. You're beefy down there.

You're like a can. I have a hog? It's like a tuna can, isn't it? It's fine. It's thick. It's thick like the threads on that beanie, and you know it is. It's fine. So you're in town not getting paid from Benny.

Benny Blanco, by the way, who was on this show. Shout out. We did it in his backyard. Man, did he not have a good time on this show? Why? He didn't get it. I don't think he got the show. He think he got the show to talk to people he doesn't know how to do comedy stuff i think he thinks comedy stuff but he doesn't know how to do comedy stuff he's good at tiktok he's good at tiktok he is good at tiktok he's very good at tiktok he's not good at just

sitting here saying nothing to another person saying nothing yeah making it good yeah he doesn't know how to do this he doesn't know how to do the rhythmic bounce around. Speaking of which, I want to talk. Let's talk about it. You have a good show, Kapow for Truth Angels that you do with Two-Tone. Two-Tone, Alex. Alex Two-Tone. It's very, very good. People should check it out. Probably the funniest thing that's been going on right now

and I do want to talk about it. I know it's weird, but there's a guy in the comedy community who you're friends with, who you've known for a long time named Heavy, Jeff. Jeff Danson. And you put him on the show, and you came at him, and then he came back at you guys,

and now he thinks his life is in danger. He thinks his life is in danger. Because it is? Because it could be. It could be. Fuck. Yeah. The thing is, the thing is, is I've known Jeff before he came to LA.

Sure. You're Toronto, right? I'm from Toronto. Yeah. He's from Toronto. We know each other. I knew him when he was fat. His whole bits about how he's skinny now.

Way to go, heavy. Did you have a jealousy thing about that? I'd like to see my dick. Do you want to lose weight? No. Do I want to? Yeah. Like mentally? Like when I talk to my therapist about me losing weight, but I can't? But for real, do you really want to lose weight? No. Do I want to? Yeah. Like mentally?

Like when I talk to my therapist about me losing weight, but I can't? But for real, do you really want to lose weight or do you not really care? I'd like to lose some. How much?

I have to wipe myself different now. You know? It's like I've gotten to the point where I have to like use the toilet as a vice grip for my hand and then I move my body onto it. You have to shift around a lot. I shift around.

I grunt. There's breathing. Do you not have like a tushy or like a spray? You don't have a tushy on your toilet? I have. I have an installed at home. Dude, it's the greatest. I don't, I'm not kidding.

I don't wipe anymore. You just spray off. I maybe do one wipe and then I spray everything and then it's all taken care of. Do you use like a wet tissue, like a baby, like a baby wipe? I have baby wipes around the house, but I got to tell you, from an experience from when I used to live with roommates, we broke like a pipeline because of that. You can't flush those.

No, you have to put them in the trash. In the trash. I don't want to see baby wipes in the trash. Dirty ones. It's gross. It's weird. Poo-poo ones. They're not for that.

Even if you fold over a few times, it doesn't really matter how many times you fold. I fold when I wipe myself. Paper towel? Paper towel. Oh, no, no. Toilet paper, I mean. I'm always a folder.

I'm a folder. So folder or scruncher is the... My son scrunches and it drives me nuts. He's like five and I'm trying to teach him. Because what if your fingers... Well, they go through

or you're just pushing it around. It's like taking a whisk and putting a whisk up there and I'm like, stop whisking your ass. Yeah, you gotta fold. I'm a folder. I'm a folder, not a scruncher.

I fold. It was so funny. We're talking about comedy. On another person's podcast, I heard somebody describe how they wiped their ass and it was exactly how I wipe my ass. I don't know if the first time I ever meet that person, that's the point.

I was just like, I saw you on a podcast and you wipe the same. You wipe the same. You pluck. You push in and you pluck out. And I think that that's nice. No, that's a good meeting of minds.

Who is it? Can you say who it is? It's Bert Kreischer. Oh, yeah. Well, let me say this. I don't know how that... I don't know if he actually does anything that he says. He just says things.

Yeah, he just says a lot of stuff. He's insane. It's incredible. He's not together. We're going to get back to heavy in one second. We went on a tangent, but hold on. This is going just says a lot of stuff. He's maniacal. He's insane. It's incredible. He's not together. We're going to get back to heavy in one second. We went on a tangent, but hold on. This is going to be a tangent tree more than you've ever seen. You do the scrunch, so do I.

Now, this is a new debate I've seen on the internet. Do you sit down when you wipe or do you stand up? Sit down. I have to because once I said, I have to put my arm down, and then I sit almost on my arm, and then I put... And then I punch my ass! And then I sit almost on my arm and then I put... And then I punch my ass! And then I put it in and then...

You gonna show the team? Show the kids. I go like this and then I kind of like... Yeah! And then you yerk it up. And I do like a motion. Yeah, you yerk it up.

I can't... Like if I was in a small stall, I got my knees out. Yep. If I do this, I'm like, I don't know, I just keep hitting my nuts. Don't go to Japan.

Don't... The bathrooms are very small. My life is determined on large. I need a stall. Do you have big bathrooms at home? Do you have big bathrooms at home? Huge. Huge. Rich guy. Rich guy. Successful. I like to say successful. Yeah, that's the millennial way of saying rich.

Our parents used to say rich and wealthy and our generation says successful or doing well. He's doing well. No complaints. No complaints. He's good. They're fine. Pandemic who?

Bad boy. Speaking of which, that is to be said. Guys, comment below your email. Matty will Venmo you $1,000. He's going to pick 10 people. That's what he said. He said when he comes on the show, he wants to Venmo 10 will Venmo you $1,000. He's going to pick 10 people. That's what he said. He said when he comes on the show, he wants to Venmo 10 people of my fans $1,000. Wouldn't make nothing.

Wouldn't make any problems for you, would it? Wouldn't make any problems. You'd be fine. You'd be fine. I tried. I tried to make a – I gave Two-Tone this – I have a credit card where it's kind of forever. It's a forever money card. And I was just like, if you can guess why i'm here because i surprised him on our podcast yeah i put this very heavy metal card on the table

you're talking about the mx i understand i know i know what he's doing it's the opposite of a white card and so i put this down and i was like you can you can buy yourself anything how about that anything i was like whatever you would like a A new car, whatever you want. Guess why I'm here. And he was just like, couldn't say you're here to make a stupid cooking show. That's a first guess. Why else would I be here? I'm not an actor.

I would either guess just a dash or with Benny. He literally didn't say cooking. He was just like, go through all these things. And I was just like, you're an idiot. And I showed up. I surprised him. I gave him a giant gold chain because of the success. This guy's getting a little too much stuff from you. A little too much, Tony.

And he's not even that good on the podcast. You've been on. I have to carry the pod. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. Wait a minute.

It's not great. What would you buy? If I slapped down a card and I said, you can buy anything you want from this, what would you buy? I have everything. I don't know. not i'm not you don't want for much no look at me you look i rent a mazda like i might yeah but it's speed a speedy mazda it's a v6 is it i can go at least a i i was kind of late i had a late little coffee met a buddy and i drove really fast here i was going like 140 miles on the 101.

No, no. You're thinking kilometers. Miles. You're going 140 MPH. That car doesn't get over 90. There's no way. 140. I kicked it.

You did? I was like. I was like, what? You're just neutral dropping it? Yeah. Let's go backwards. Okay. Heavy. So, look. You and Two-T neutral dropping it? Yeah. Let's go backwards. Okay. Heavy.

So, look, you and Two-Tone were making fun of, you guys were having fun. We had him on as a genuine guest. We're doing a new podcast. My homie from Toronto, he, you know, he, fuck, he's here. He's here. He's here. Come on the pod. You know, he's here.

I love him. I genuinely like the fuck. He's a good egg. He's a good buddy. He's a good buddy. He's a good egg. And he comes on, and somehow I just big-dogged him real hard. But wait a minute. I saw it.

You guys didn't really. You guys just kind of, you were joking around the whole time. We were joking around. It was very light. It was light, but I think, I don't know. I think Heavy took it the other way. He took it the wrong way. He took it the wrong way, and I even apologized. I was just uh, he took it the other way. He took it the wrong way. He took it the wrong way, and, and I

even apologized. I was just like, you know what? Maybe, maybe you are funny. Maybe you, maybe you are funny. You know? There's nothing more offensive, by the way, than you literally saying, you're not funny to someone in comedy. Yeah. It just left. If you feel that

way, that's the truth. If you're like, this person isn't funny, they're not funny funny but he's funny off stage he took it as he got clipped emotionally and then he came back at you guys the next episode and basically not even the next episode he came back to us like this is like six months so he's been festering

the next time he was back festering it's been festering wormholing, making some. And he, we, I was like, dude, I hit him up. I was like, hey, come back on the pod. Let's do the redemption pod. It's been six months. Let's do the redemption pod.

Because we've talked about it. Our fans talk about it. It's like this whole thing where it's built up. I was like, hey, we got no guests. Come on. Come on on. Let's do a redemption. Do the redemption.

He comes on like furious and shirt off. He's got wallpaper from Wayfair. He's got – it's incredible. What happens? He has his shirt off. He has glasses on. He's smoking bongs the whole time. It looks like a viral video.

It looks like a viral video. And then what he does is he immediately attacks. He attacks Two-Tone. And Two-Tone was always the person. I was the one that was getting on him. I was the one that was roasting him. You were. And continuously just, because I know him.

I'm comfortable. Right. You know, I'm just like, I was being a bit of a bully. Yeah, but you're friends. It's like when we pick on each other. It's a part of the game. It is. So he takes it the wrong way. he comes to Two-Tone,

and now the saga has unfolded that Two-Tone has set up fake gangs that are going to come after him. I've never seen... There could be some real gangs sprinkled in there. The PP Boys could be real. The Jayhawks. Dr. Cornelius. The Bird Boys.

They could be real. They could be real. Dr. Cornelius. The Bird Boys. The Bird Boys. They could be real. They could be real. Dr. Cornelius. I just... I wish him well if Heavy ends up getting clipped in the streets by the Bird Boys. L.A. L.A.'s rough, man. L.A.'s rough.

You never know what kind of gang could pop up. Out here, a lot of people think gangs. They already know what... They already got to have an idea, right? Yeah, you don't have to have a face tattoo. You could have wings. You could have wings. You could be the Angel Boys coming to get that ass. You know could have wings. You could have wings. You could be the angel boys

coming to get that ass. You know that pink wall with the wings on it? That could be their symbol. Right, the Paul Smith wall. Yeah, that could be them. They could be the Paul Smith boys. They could be the PS boys.

The pink boys. Oh, you think you're tough? You think you're tough? Do you think you're tough? Let me show you my asshole. It's pink. It's pure pink. And they rub their butthole on you.

You have to stare at their butthole while they tickle you. And that's what they do. That's how you get jumped in. That's how you get jumped in. That's how you get jumped in. By the way, have you seen any of those videos online of guys getting jumped in a gang? Have you ever watched those? Yeah, it's like 15 seconds.

You get punched like 50 times from different angles. I thought for some reason, I thought it was like a continual torture thing. You just go to a park and they just punch you a few times. Yeah. I'm not saying it's not tough. I just thought... Do you know when you first... When you hear jumping in a gang, you're like, oh, dude, I bet it's insane.

You're like, no, you just got to get beat up a little bit. A little bit. And then you're okay. Hopefully get knocked out by, like, the first punch, and you're just kind of. And then you just take a couple kicks. Yeah, a couple kicks. You're like, let's go, guys. Just gather some CTE.

Thank you, finally. Do you think that's going to be a thing? Are gang members going to have CTE in the future from getting jumped in gangs? I think so. Is that a concern? They're going to have one there. I don't want my kid playing peewee football or getting into a gang because of CTE.

You don't fall bonk your head. You got an earache. Earache and you're sick forever. For a long time. Would you ever have joined a gang when you were a kid? Were you that kind of kid? Me and my brothers were like tough small town kids. Yeah.

But we were just known as like the Matheson boys. Because you were troublemakers. Yeah. We weren't, like every weekend if we went to like the bar there's a fight and you're in it either one of us for sure that's what can that's that's canada in a nutshell we would fight we would fight i've talked about like we would fight and then after the fight you do a shot and you do a key bump and you're back to fucking your buds again yeah you're just a bunch of maniac canadian kids and there was never the thing too in canada the thing the biggest thing about fighting yeah You do a shot and you do a key bump and you're back to fucking being homies. And your buds again. Yeah, you're just a bunch of maniac Canadian kids. And there was never, the thing too in Canada, the thing, the biggest thing about fighting

in America, I think. Is weapons. Is weapons. There's weaponry. Yeah, we have weapons. There's weapons. So in Canada, if you fight something, it doesn't even come into, it's a fight. Yeah, it's a fight.

It's a fight. Hey, fuck you. You bumped into me. You spilled your fucking vodka soda on my girl. Let's go fucking fight. Let's go. Knock up a fight hey fuck you you bumped into me you spilled your fucking vodka soda on my girl let's go fucking fight knock out knock up yeah and you fucking swing well that's because we we um i tough guys now guns it's tough guy cool guy thing you guys to have guns but not like we do we hunt like deer you guys are hunters right our guns are i don't know one person that owns a gun that owns a hunting gun or a handgun? I don't know. I do not know anybody with a fucking handgun.

I'll tell you that much. That's wild. Yeah. I mean, I know so many people that have guns. Yeah. It's a normal... But none of the people that I know that have guns would pull it out on someone in a fight. But they have it.

Maybe if it was in their car. But they have it for when the zombies come? Zombie apocalypse. But honestly, like, okay, I've never used this thing. I've never been in this situation. Fuck, someone pulls up and they're going to steal your car and you got your kid in it what do you do my gun's in the trunk in a ziploc bag and a side of a safe in the trunk here's what i do my

kid is in the car my gun is in the trunk i get out immediately hands up and i say take the kid there's a gun in the trunk and the code is four five eight nine and i'm out of there yeah you gotta let me go that kid 15 Easy, you could sell that kid. Maybe more. More. It depends. He's white. A white kid, well,

it depends on how pale my child is. Yeah. You know? Like, if I have a really pale child. More pale, more money? More pale, more money. More pale, more money. Welcome back to more pale, more money. That's sad.

So insane. I would do, if you, by the way, I've had, there's, there it is. There it is. No, that was me clearing my throat. Okay. I was clearing my throat. I've way, I've had, there it is. What? No, that was me clearing my throat. Okay. I was clearing my throat.

I've had two friends I know get carjacked. And I always think, when I've heard their stories, I think, what would I do if I got carjacked? Start swinging. I'm out. No, dude. No, just say nice things. Because here's the difference.

You get carjacked here. Batman's parents. Batman's parents took out the wallet, and they still got killed. Yeah, they still got killed. Bruce Wayne, the Waynes got killed. But they were targeted because it was the Wayne family, and they had money, dude. I think they didn't. They weren't targeted.

They just happened to walk down the aisle. No, they knew that was, what was Wayne's, what was his father's name? Doug. Doug Wayne. Doug Wayne. Doug and Barb. Doug and Barb Wayne. And they ripped her pearls.

I remember that scene so vividly. Don't dance with the devil in the pale moonlight. Jack Nicholson, greatest actor of all time. Of all time? Of all time? Of all time? Of all time. Of all time?

Who's better? Gaeta? From Dave? Yeah, Gaeta? Gaeta. Who do you really think Jack is probably the top, he's your top guy? Brad?

No. BP? I love. River runs through it? I love. Tristan? Leo? Leo's great too.

I'm a sucker. For handsome guys. Like, I love, like basketball, I love, I'm like, what's your favorite movie? I'm like,

The Departed. You know, I'm like that guy who's just like, Gangs of New York, perfect film. It was a perfect film. It like, Gangs of New York, perfect film. It was a perfect film. It's a perfect film.

It was a perfect film. Cameron Diaz. Hasn't made a movie since, I don't think. Doesn't need to. She's sitting on money. Yeah, from The Mask. That's it. After that, she could have quit.

She could have. She's like, thanks, Jim. That or something about Mary. Perfect. No, that's a great film. A perfect comedy film from front to back. And by the way, someone talked about this to me the other day because I've talked about it on stage now. I no longer wear underwear.

You have... It's like this. This is a mold. This is a mold of me. And this is what's inside of it. A bunch of whiskey. I whiskey dick always. Someone in the crowd said,

I don't wear underwear and I have whiskey, but it works. Someone in the crowd said, because I say to the crowd, I propose it, I say, I don't wear underwear and I haven't in a long time. Tell me why you think I'm wrong. Yeah. Because I love to hear people say why. The first thing they always say is

something about Mary. No, they always say, what if you get your dick stuck in your zipper? Yeah. And to that I say, I don't know one person outside of that comedy film that's ever done that.

Never done that. So that film is so prolific. On lies. On lying that we bought it and we thought that must happen all the time. It scared a nation. Yeah, because do you know, I've never heard of any guy I have ever known zipping up their ding dong in their jeans. Never. No.

Maybe once on mushrooms, maybe I got like a little. Like a nick. Like a nick or something. Like I'm drunk or fucked up and you're like right like never I tuck my little thing in the thing

I push it in yeah like an elevator button I push it in and when I zip up I kind of push out the zip to pull back I push mine in

I take it like I pull I pull away you pull down I pull away it's a whip whip and I zip it up see and people always say stuff like

the crowd always says stuff like what about what about sharding? Yeah. Obviously, and I say, I shard my pants and then I wash them. Wash the jeans.

I'm a man. If that accident happens, deal with it. That's like saying, I spilled coffee in my car. What, are you never going to drink coffee in your car again?

What, you shit your underwear and you still walk around with shitty underwear? Same thing. See? Two layers? You're what,

one layer away and you're walking around with shit pants? And by the way, those underwear, it's been proven underwears don't work. Underwears,

they're a fallacy. It's a conspiracy theory. It's a fallacy. It's a fallacy just like everything else that's going on in the world right now. It's like Lord of the Rings is real, underwear helps you.

Phony. Phony. It's phony. How long are you in LA for by the way, baby? Until March 2. My boys around. My boy's around. This is really good.

I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad that I'm here. I want to do all the podcasts. No. Just do two. Just two. Just two or three. We're not going to talk about

any of the other ones that you've done. I'm not. Because I don't, I'm not concerned with that stuff. I don't want to know about that stuff. This is it.

This is the only one that exists. All right? What is this, pine? This is, this is groach. Do you know what groach is? Groach. Groach.

It's a made up tree I'm just, I'm making up right now. Groach is fine. This is groach. Do you know what groach is? Groach. Groach. It's a made-up tree I'm making up right now. Groach is fine. This is groach. It's from Chicago. No, no. It's from Minnesota. Upper Minnesota. It's a Minnesota groach.

It's a softwood. You know what you have to do while you're in LA is go downtown and go to the Cecil Hotel. Do you know about this? You've heard about all this nonsense? Oh, my God. It's been talked about ad nauseum now. So I talked about it on this other podcast i did fuck tiger belly yeah and losers and i broke into that hotel like seriously a year and a half ago

dude we walked up and we opened the sliding door me and two-tone yeah because we were gonna we were like we want yeah that was a bit much. What is it? No, no, no, why is it? Because we're talking about the Cecil. You think it's because of Cecil? It's the spirit. Wait, you and Two-Tone broke in? So me and Two-Tone,

because we're obsessed with this podcast, Root of Evil, which is about the Black Dahlia murder. Yeah. The house, the Frank Lloyd Wright's son, the house that supposedly she was murdered in is down the street from Two-Tone's house on Franklin.

Yeah, it's in Highland Park or whatever. Yeah, yeah los feliz yeah yeah and and and one night we were like let's go dude like we were like googling like la like la is mad haunted or whatever stuff and we were like let's go to the seesaw and we were just like let's go downtown and like go to the seesaw and it was like we show up and there's just like it was so scary it's gross down there it's not it's gross down there. It's not. It's gross. Not nice. And they try to pretend like they're fixing it for the past 20 years that I've lived here.

And we literally, we literally went and it was like, just like, uh, like sliding doors. Cause it's closed, right? It's closed. Yeah. And we fucking, I was just like, open it, opened it. And we walked, we walked into the lobby and we were just like, and we were in there and we were like, what the fuck are we doing?

The vibe was gross. Oh my God. And it's at night and then we saw like, houseless people. Homeless here. Homeless here. I don't know.

Canada, there's a lot. Houseless in Canada? There's different words for it. We say between living situations. Between living situations. I think that's probably the norm. And then there was a couple of between living situations looking through the sliding door because we closed and i was like

what if we can't open it like what if it's like you can't leave oh you're stuck and then me and i was just like ah and we were with our friend andrea and did you go to the roof no we got the fuck out because we got in there and you know when you're like you're you got the goosebumps your balls shrink up your nipples get hard you feel like you're gonna have diarrhea yep i was just like because i was just like as soon as you get in your head as soon as you get kind of scared it's over you're scared yeah you're scared you're not scared like 10 yeah standing inside the lobby of the cecil hotel yeah but it was just crazy i was like how is this like the sliding door was open and the door was open see i think you could just walk into this fucking hotel i think the most scary places though are places that aren't scary like that like right

that has a notorious history of other to me scary is like we shot in the basement of stave seat like a route of vons like a john's yeah in the back loading dock of a john's we shot in the basement of the um wiltern um theater which is a beautiful music venue on Wilshire. Dude, when we were downstairs, I'm not kidding, the vibes were so... And I was like, this is a beautiful theater. It's a great... We were down like two or three levels.

Would you go down there by yourself? Yeah, but it was like... But it felt sad and creepy and gross. Things happen down there. But it's a music venue. But then you think, like I shot this commercial a month ago or two months ago or whatever for FanDuel that like came out and went away really fast. And we shot it in San Jose in the basement of an old children's, what do you call those?

No, no, no. What do you call those? Those like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like for sick children, home. Yeah, like a polio. Yeah, yeah, like polio home. Yeah. Tuberculosis home.

A TB home. We were in the TB home basement. I lived in an old TB building that turned into cool lofts. Why did they do that? They always take places that are really sad and old. There was an old high school by me. Nice fixtures. A high school by me was a children's live-in school,

and it burnt to the ground with kids inside of it, and they just rebuilt it. They're like condos. Yeah, now it's a beautiful million-dollar condo. Concrete. Large roofs. High ceilings. High ceilings.

Stinks like dark children. 800 kids died here? Yes, but the view. The view. Can you see the water from here? Stunning. Yeah, you can see other people in the windows across from you. Have you had a haunted experience before? Because I'm

obsessed with trying to find one. I've never had one and I want one. It's so funny. I literally talked about this on fucking Tiger Bell. No, well then we won't talk about it. No, I've had a haunted experience. I don't want that on here. I'm going to read. I want. I'll read you something. What? So I'm staying.

We're reno-ing our home. And we're renting this old Tudor house on the lake. Okay. Tudors are always creepy to me. Old house. And for people that don't know, Tudor is someone that teaches you a subject. Math, science. A Tudor home is like a German house, right?

Isn't that what they look like? No, it's like Dutch's the fucking difference dude dutch and german that's the same kind of people it's like mayonnaise and fries they go together let me know word of a lie i just heard a man's voice like on tv i thought mac somehow got my phone to work while i was in the washroom i asked mac what he was watching. He said nothing. I told him I thought I heard someone say something. And he's like, I told you this place is haunted. That's my five-year-old. And Tricia is in this house by herself. Your son said that to your wife?

Yeah. You heard a man's voice. What did the man's voice say? I didn't ask. I was just like, cool. That's where it ends? Yeah. You're not even done digging the well.

I was like, wild. Do a couple smudges your wife is home alone with your child three beautiful children children plural and you're like whatever man deal with it smudging some smudging i heard a man's voice talking to my our son Grow up. Grow up. Go get a kit. Idiot. Idiot. Why are you getting your house reno'd? What's going on? Success. What are you doing

to it? You're adding stuff? We have a small farmhouse. Beautiful old house. 100 year old house. Definitely haunted basement. Like dirt floor basement. So. So old house. And now we have three children. We just need a room.

So I'm just kind of redoing our kitchen and like building up an extra room. And yeah. Dude, making it prettier. Yeah. Just making it fit all the people that live there. Are you going to have more people that live there? No. I'm getting a vasectomy.

My shit's so good. Are you really getting a vasectomy? Dude, before I came to LA, me and Trish had sex. It was Valentine's Day I like swear to God like it was like six minutes

she's knocked out I was like and then but she was like wait I got it was like you know when the big dog when the big dog's rolling

six minutes I pounded wait a minute it was like a full box what's your average seconds what do you mean I'm winded

like walking down those three stairs right there I know you almost walking downstairs I'm winded like walking down those three stairs right there I know you almost walking downstairs I'm winded yeah you stopped halfway

yeah I took in the room that's me taking in the room this is beautiful Maddie just come down the stairs no it's so nice what's your average now

genuinely when you're making love what are we talking it can depend if I'm like looking at my phone like 15 minutes you guys ever put stuff on in the background some no no Trisha likes to make love she's a love maker Genuinely, when you're making love, what are we talking? It can depend. If I'm like looking at my phone, like 15 minutes.

You guys ever put stuff on in the background? Some, no, no. Trisha likes to make love. She's a love maker. She doesn't like to have sex. No, she loves, dude, she's, yeah, she's great. How's your wife fuck? How's your wife fuck?

Good. It's always, well, when she's in the harness, it's very fun. You know, we have harnesses from the ceiling. I love a harness. Three levels of harnesses, actually. I like being in the harness. It's like a basketball hoop that you can dunk on. You can raise the,

I can raise it up and pull it back down whenever I want and it just, face level. Yeah, whatever you need. Foot.

By the way, I've seen those harnesses online and I want one. Door jam. How cool do they look? I want a door jam. Yeah, but the door jam.

You break the door. Yeah, you're going to crack it. You're going to hit against the door. Unless, unless, well, your wife is skinny. Yeah. So she could probably, the weight of the door. Yeah, you're going to crack it. You get hit against the door. Unless, unless. Freestanding. Well, your wife is skinny.

Yeah. So she could probably, the weight of the door wouldn't break. Yeah, your wife's small. She's 486. 486 pounds. Your wife. She ballooned. COVID has not been kind.

Pandemic. I've been feeding her. I've been feeding her. Yeah. She's like foie gras. She's like a stuffed goose. I've been stuffing that goose. I'm like, come on, get thick, mama.

You know why? Because we've been watching Thousand Pound Sisters and I'm obsessed. Is it good? Do you not know this show? I don't know. About these two beefy soups? It's good.

She calls herself an SS BBW. So you know what that is, right? Big baby. No, BBW means big beautiful woman. Big beautiful woman. It's a category online for male men that love BBWs. But she says I'm an SS, which sounds like a cool car. Super, super.

Super sized. Super sized. Oh, super sized. Yeah. It's hot, dude. I like that. She's thicky, thicky, thick. In here, we pour whiskey.

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I mean, not on an airplane. She can't get on one, genuinely. i hey we love watching i sat on an airplane once yeah i sat on an airplane once next to this like little rich woman with like you know i was flying from toronto first class obviously yeah and and i'm like i'm like fucking on her yeah i's like here, and I'm just like... I'm just like... You know, I'm just like... You're Boba Fattening it out. Yeah, I'm just like fucking on her.

And then I'm like on my phone. I'm trying not to really be on her. The squeezing of the elbows is very polite. Yeah, and I'm just trying to not take up space because it was one of those randomly weird small plane where business is just like, it was just like whatever. I was just like, this is a weird plane. Business is regular on some planes now.

Yeah, it is. It's the same as the rest of the plane. It's the same. If I don't have a pod, I'm just like, how is the pod the same? How is the same price? I never understood that. I only want the pod. Give me the pod so I can lay down.

The pod, it's like heroin. Once you do heroin, you never want the pod. Give me the pod so I can lay down. The pod, it's like, yeah. It's like heroin. Once you do heroin, you never want anything else. And this woman, I'm looking, and she's like, a gigantic person just sat next to me. Oh, you're seeing her type it? And I got a fucking, and I took my phone, I was just like, ah, and took a photo of her texting it. And then I put it up on Instagram,

and there was three people behind us that follow me. And they were just like, they hit my seat. And they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I started laughing. And then it was like obvious. How great if she followed you. Dude, I hoped that her. And then everyone's just like, oh, my God.

It was just a funny thing. But now. But now. That old greasy bitch. You buy the whole plane. I always get the two plane. I always just, I always get the two seats. Have you flown private?

Have you flown private? Like on a, on a jet. Would Jimmy Buffett? Take that off, they're going to hear it being like, Oh yeah, that's not good for sound.

The whole time we've been having it. We'll find out what it sounds like. So, uh, no, um, you've flown private. So, maybe. But it's just like, it, uh, no, um. You've flown private. So, maybe.

But it's just like, it's what? Where'd you go? It's whack. St. Bart's? Is that, did you say that out loud? That's hot. Wait, why is it whack? You feel like.

It's typical. You're embarrassed by the opulence. I just, it's not me. It's just not, it's not me. You liar. I said on this podcast six times, I'm rich, I'm wealthy. It's fine.... You liar. I said on this podcast six times, I'm rich, I'm wealthy. It's fine. I was stuck.

The flights were canceled and then I was with somebody that was just like, hey, come. And I was like, okay. Okay. Okay. Who else is in here?

Oh. How many people were on the flight? Six. And with kids or... No. Solo. No family. Trisha was pregnant with Mac.

Wow. She was eight months pregnant. We went and stayed for, it was like three weeks we were there. I've gotten invited. It's nice. But here's the problem. I like it there.

Did you have to split? You know, a lot of people when they ask you to come on a jet with them, they want you to tip in. Larry David did this on Curb this past season, which I found interesting because I've been asked to go on one. But everyone has to.

You kick in. Yeah. Which, to me, that's— Is it like 60 racks no matter wherever you go, kind of? No. See, I think— It's cheaper than— It's cheaper and, like, it's cheaper than people think.

Here's the misconception that people don't know. There's about maybe 30 people that own their own private jet. The rest of the people that you know are renting it. LD owns? No way. No chance. No. But the rest of those people, they rent or they have shares of it or it's a split.

People think that like all these people that own private jets, like owning a private jet is absurd. So most people don't own the private jet. But there's a difference if you get asked to go on a private jet with somebody who's, like, wealthy. Because wealthy, you don't talk about it. It's a bus. You just get on, and it's a thing. No questions asked.

But rich, you could still get asked to kick in. Because rich people are still like, yeah, but I want $10,000 for you to fly with us. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So I said no. I've said no the multiple times i've been asked and also schedule wise they were going you know like oh let's go skiing i'm like i can't

do that i'm also not that guy yeah i would not i would rather just buy a regular nice plane ticket and then meet you there this is great yeah well i don't know i don't know but but private to me is the only reason to do private is because you go to the tarmac that's it's because it's because the convenience is absurd going to the airport sucks flying i don't care flying i'm indifferent it's like i'm gonna sit in there and like drink water while everybody else just who cares you're just gonna look on your phone oh it's free wi-fi yeah what is it yay who cares who cares but the sexiness of it is if you're able to go into small airports and you're like you get to go to the location direct that's tight well even like flight, I've done it a couple times.

Was it Burbank to fucking SF? On Jet Suite X? Yeah. So that's different, right? Yeah, that's not private by any means, but it's still like a nice thing where you just roll up. That is a cool thing. I was doing that when I was doing a little bit of traveling there.

But it was just like, I don't know, private stuff or buying expensive cars or doing all this kind of stuff is just not in my... It's not your wheelhouse. No, I'd rather just grow vegetables and buy an old truck that I don't know, private stuff or buying expensive cars or doing all this kind of stuff is just like not in my... It's not your wheelhouse. No, I'd rather just like, you know, grow vegetables and like buy an old truck that I don't know how to fix. And like, I'm still like such a fucking loser, you know? You have an old truck that you don't know how to fix.

I did. And then I sold it because I didn't know how to fix it. My dad was just like... Got to get rid of it. He just kept on looking at me like, he's like, yeah, you know what you're doing? He's like, what are you doing? What's on? Open up the hood.

You don't even know how to open up the hood do you stroke 68 yeah i got like an 82 f250 like it was sick a big brown truck do you have a dream car that you would not money wise that's expensive but do you have a dream car where you're like i'd like a truly i think it like a i'd like a a 63 chevy ss that's a hot truck yeah it's it's a car. Have you seen what Ford is doing with Mustangs now? No. They're doing like hatchback Mustangs. Oh, my God. They're like sportbacks.

Like the 80s ones? No, they call them now, they call them like... Coops? No, no, no, no. Grand Coops, like Grand Touring. So it looks like it's got a hatchback butt to it. To a Mustang. Yeah, really weird, dude.

Really sad. They're going the wrong direction with cars. That's a Ford. Smartin' Up. Smartin' Up, buddy. Smartin' Up needs to come back. I feel Smartin' Up's a good one. Smartin' Up.

Smartin' Up. Why can't we have all those old friends? Like Cracker. I want Cracker to come back. Cracker-ass motherfucker. I want that back. Yeah, you want that back. Fucking jive turkey-ass motherfucker. I can't say anything, really, except thank you, hello.

Goodbye. How are you? Good evening. Good evening's nice. Do you like being called Mr.? You know when somebody calls you Mr.? If somebody says, Mr. Matheson, does that bother you? No, I'm like, thank you. See, I gotta tell you. Mr. Santino. I've been called Mr. Santino a few times. times you're like

stop right there i like it you like it's annoying i shouldn't like it but i guess mr santino i'm like cut it out well guess what happens guess what happens in restaurants with chefs they call you chef they call you chef so if they if you get spotted at a restaurant yes chef yes it's the wackest and i'm, I'll walk in and right away, like tagged or whatever. And they're just like, hi chef, right this way. And like everyone then

is like coded. You kind of like it. I don't like that because I'm like, I'm not, I'm like a business. I'm like not a chef, chef guy. I'm just like, I'm not. But you are a chef.

I'm incredible at it. I'm the best. So you don't give a shit if they call you chef. No, because it's not my thing. It's like, it's like, I'm not a doctor. I'm not,

you're not one of my cooks in my kitchen. but that's not true if you went to medical school and you got a medical degree you're always a doctor even if you're not operating anymore but but it's still a chef dude yeah get over it it's like my dad my my my father-in-law he's a dentist and he still signs the business card business cards he's he signs our christmas cards to his daughter doctor doctor doctor yeah but it's like Mrs. Spencer Carol. It's like she'll write it, though. But it's like our Christmas card still says like doctor. It's incredible.

I love it. But that's it. For them, that's their life's work. Dude, absolutely. They want to be known as it. Absolutely. But you're getting away from Chef anyway because you do so much more. So I think you feel weird about it.

Because look, I'm not going to... Imagine you walk into the comedy store and you're like, comedian. Right this way, comedian. That is it. Yeah, but no. Because there's a substantial weight to getting called a chef, right?

Well, there's hierarchy. Yeah, you have to become a leader. Because cook and chef, right? Like cook, chef. Chef de partie. Which one are you? What? What is all that? Chef de partie, what is that? Chef deier, chef de partie. Which one are you? What? What is all that?

Chef de partie, what is that? Chef de partie is where you begin. And then what's the top? Chef. And then you'd be like sous chef. It's like chef, sous, chef de partie, call me, chef, which is like, yeah, there's a bunch of stuff. French.

French. You know what I mean? But that's the thing. A lot of people now are dismissing this brigade-style hierarchy, right? So it doesn't exist anymore. It does exist if you choose to. Just a lot of people in this modern day are being like, cock-a-poo-poo.

That's not how it needs to work. And I kind of believe that. Like, does everyone show up and work, and we're going to make some salads, and you're going to grill some fucking fish. But you believe in a hierarchy of some kind in the kitchen. You have to have something, right? Absolutely. I think that, yes. I think that there needs to be leadership in anything.

On a team. But you just don't like the labels. Yeah, I'm not a label guy. I'm like, I'm punk, you know? I'm so punk. You're so punk, dude. I'm so punk, dude. You're so punk.

I'm so punk, dude. You're so punk that you've got a Mazda 3 outside. Imagine if the boys saw that, doggy. I'm low-key with the car rentals out here. No, dude, honestly. I rent whatever. Whenever somebody spends a lot of money on a rental car,

it's embarrassing. I'm like, what are you doing? It's not your car. It's not your car. Why are you paying $700 a day for a thing to bounce around? I'm here for two weeks. I don't want to spend fucking three grand on driving a fucking G-Wagon. But that's already expensive. I don't drive a G-Wagon at home. How much are those things a day anyway? That's like $1'm here for two weeks. I don't want to spend fucking three grand on driving a fucking G-Wagon. But that's already expensive.

I don't drive a G-Wagon at home. How much are those things a day anyway? That's like 1,500 bucks for two weeks. Yeah, see, it's like it's already a waste of money for no reason. It's a waste of money. I could buy a car for that. A bad car.

You should just go buy a car here and drive it until it dies. I want to. I want to say this to you, by the way, because from last time, I said to you, you taught me what mise en place means. Yeah.

And I want my next album or whatever to be called mise en place. I want something to be called mise en place because I'm obsessed with it. Wow. I've taught people that phrase because... The thing is... Well, you could use it as a... It's to put things in its place.

In its place, yeah. Everything in its place. Yeah, everything in its place. I'm impressed by the word because I think it's so simple and it makes perfect sense. Mise en place means... You know why? Because I have obsessive compulsive disorder. Like, I love things in my house to be, like, neat and clean.

Your house isn't neat and clean, is it? Very. Because of Trish? Well, not because of me. You're super neat and clean? No. No, because of her. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So I'm obsessive. Like, I'm military dad. Like, you wake up, like, you're... Those shoes don't need to be there. That's what I say. Yeah.

Those shoes don't need to be there. Like, you put your toothbrush back in the same place be there. That's what I say. Yeah. Those shoes don't need to be there. Like, you put your toothbrush back in the same place every day. That's where it goes. Every day. There's no toothbrush spray on the mirror. No! I'm not a savage. Yeah.

You, like a chainsaw. No, no. Yeah. Yeah, you're dirty. It's dripping down my... It's, like, all over me. But your dirtiness is not gross. You're... I imagine your dirtiness is not gross.

I imagine your dirtiness... I enjoy it. It's probably comfortable. My spaces aren't that comfortable. Your house is like a new build. It's nice. Everything's nice. I like it clean. You walk in and it just smells like... There's nothingness,

but it's not bad or good. It's a serial killer who lives there two of them your wife's a dental hygienist she's a serial killer she actually makes cereal 428 silent but deadly

just wheezing she farts and shoots strong hands the farts are so loud they cover up the bullet. No, but we are been, the reason I said that, we have been watching that show, Thousand Pound Sisters, and I got to tell you, they're so funny because they're in on it with you.

You're not like laughing at their weight issues or anything. They're performers. Yeah, they're in on it. They know what the fuck they're doing. I would hope so. But also, at the beginning, my... They're Southern? Yeah fuck they're doing. I would hope so. But also, at the beginning, my... They're Southern? Yeah, they're from Kentucky. My inclination is that

whenever you put obese people on TV or whatever, that the TV world is being like, look at how insane this is. But then you find out, no, it's actually about how character driven they are. They're characters. And when the cameras are on, they know that it's just

play these characters to the room. It's who they really are. Where's that remote? But it's just what is it? It's an inflated version of themselves. It's like what you do

on Just a Dash. Yeah. I become the bigger idiot. I hate to admit that I like that show. It's a great show. It's the greatest culinary show. Because I don't like

to give you more credit than you deserve. You get all the credit already. I'm great at what I do. It's annoying. Yeah. I'm great at what I do. It's annoying. Yeah, I'm great at what I do. But it's annoying because I want to go along

for the ride all the time with you and sometimes I want to get off but I can't. No, because the culinary, see, Just a Dash is, and I will say it, and the internet will agree with me. Let's hear.

It's the greatest culinary show of all time. Bro, beat Bobby Flay. You think it's better than It's the greatest culinary show of all time. Bro, beat Bobby Flay. You think it's better than beat Bobby Flay? Beat Bobby Flay. Great idea.

I don't know if the execution worked, but the great idea, the ideation of that show works. It's in syndication, kid. Yeah. You should do a beat Maddie Matheson where if they,

you cook, you have a cook-off, and then at the end you actually fight them. Yeah. Beat Maddie Matheson. Or we have to like suck each other, like we could 69. 69. 69 with Maddie Mathes. Or we have to suck each other. We could 69.

69. 69 with Matty Mattson. First one to come has to eat the shit meal. Well, that's what it is. You have to 69, and then whoever finishes first gets to start their dish first. So they get a head start. That's how it starts. They get a head start.

And then you're tucking out because you came. Just exhausted cooking. That was a good one. God. Right behind. Behind. You're a ceiling fan. Bye. God. Where's the water? Behind. I need a ceiling fan. Behind.

Behind. That's a show. It's called Behind with Matty Matheson. Behind. I watch too much of these cooking shows, by the way. HBO Max. Pick us up. Showcase.

What are you on? Showcase? FX. FX. FX wouldn't pick up the show. No. No, this is not in their that's not no it's not on youtube i love the thing about youtube yeah sink or swim your fans are there fuck everybody

yeah no they like it and that's what what just a dash was bred for and why it would when when i left vice i came to la i'm like i'm gonna go get a show i'm like i'm hot right now i just shot three seasons of a tv show i'm fucking i'm somebody right now i just shot three seasons of a tv show i'm fucking i'm somebody yeah you know came to la nobody knows everyone's like huh who are you oh oh oh you have some instagram followers oh you had a tv show but meanwhile if you're a beautiful woman they'd be like give her a tv show let's go big fat sweaty guy in like a pitch meeting i'm just like yeah i'm the best and they're like sir we the big fat sweaty guy in like a pitch meeting. I'm just like, yeah, I'm the best. And they're like, sir, the big fat sweaty guy is here to take the meeting.

Send him in. Send him in. And I walk in. I'm just like, hey, how are you guys doing? Yeah, everything you guys are doing is shit. What I'm doing is great. Who's buying? You should see me pitch.

Nobody said yes? Nobody says yes. So then I was like, yo, fuck it. I'm going to make my own show. And I made just a dash. Like, no emails. I told everyone to just show up at my house. And we're going to cook whatever the fuck I got.

Yeah, it's renegade style. And no producer. There's not a producer. There's not a director. It's one take. It's fucking. That's why I like it. Because I feel like whenever I watch cooking shows on Food Network or something like that,

it's so overproduced. I always make fun of at the end of that Beat Bobby Flay show, when he wins, he does a rhyme into the camera. He's always like, and it pertains to whatever the dish was. He's so rich. Oh, my God. He's so rich. If the dish was short rib hash or something like that,

he'll do like, on the way out, he'll like stop and pause to camera and be like, he'll be like, when the plates don't, when the plates don't clash, that's how you end up with short rib hash. And then he like walks away. He runs away.

He puts his sunglasses on. It's just, it's like, jumps on a jet ski. They try to make it so, feel like it's not what really would happen in the kitchen.

That's why I like, but you're like, this is how humans act. Well, when you fuck up, I like to see it a lot. Like, or when you like what you're... This is how humans act. Well, when you fuck up, I like to see it a lot. Or when you spill shit or break shit.

Well, that's the whole show is the fuck up. Dude, you should see the next episode. We just did falafel. The next episode is I make this really intense... I try to make

the perfect consomme and I wear a tuxedo. How stupid? What is consomme? Like a clear, beautiful, perfect broth. Like a crystal clear broth. Very driven.

Like there's multiple steps to make it that way. Is it hard to make it? It's very difficult. It's very like technique driven. And so I rarely do things that are like actually technique driven. It's more just like fucking mash it up and cook it shit. And I wear a tuxedo.

Like I have a, and I ruin my tuxedo. I have one tuxedo. And I like rip it apart. I just, I'medo. I have one tuxedo, and I rip it apart. I get so mad, and it's the first time ever where I thought I would quit. I'm in my own home.

Well, I was just like, I don't know how we can get back from here. I've ruined this thing. I fucked up. It's not like we have a test site that has switch outs. We don't have a full culinary team. It's your house. I have Michelle, who

is Michelle. We've seen what Michelle does. She plays chess. We're shooting and she's playing chess. I'm like, nothing else. She's got something to do. She's texting Billy Zane. But the greatest thing from this season is Billy Zane is now my buddy. The internet. Really though?

Because we're like... Real friends. Like you text. He sent me a happy... He's like, my dad's birthday is the same day as yours. Happy birthday, big guy. That's sweet. And I was just like, busy. What is Billy Zane like as a human? I think he

thinks he's Billy Zane. He knows he's Billy Zane. He knows he's Billy Zane. He wakes up in the morning and he's like, I'm's Billy Zane. He knows he's Billy Zane. He knows he's Billy Zane. He wakes up in the morning, and he's like, I'm fucking Billy Zane today. I think he's that guy. Honestly. And then he's like, I'm going to go make some art.

He's going to go make some art. But he doesn't seem like a pretentious, annoying dude. No. He seems like he's figured it out. I think I know where he lives i don't think he knows where i will put the address right down here below right here this is the address right here and i think i wanted like i want to surprise him what do you want to do what would you bring him how do you surprise billy zane what do you bring the guy i don't know i didn't think of

bringing him like you have to when you surprise you have to bring a gift it's weird to just show up with your body just show up with just you showing up like Billy Zane he's gonna be like what are you doing in my fucking house let's get a coffee let's go to Blue Bottle

he's gonna be like text me next time don't do this yeah don't do that but if you show up with something it gives you some room I need to think about that

well let's think about a gift right now what's a good gift for Billy Zane like Japanese wool socks a top hat he lives in LA right yeah I think he lives

close to where I stay you don't Japanese wool socks aren't gonna work in LA no top hat. He lives in LA, right? Yeah, I think he lives close to where I stay. You don't, Japanese wool socks aren't going to work in LA. No. Top hat is going to be a no. Like a walking cane? A shawl? Walking cane is kind of cool if it means something to you. Give him like my great grandfather's Irish walking stick.

Why would you do that? That's something personal to your family. Don't give him something that... Billy Zane deserves it. Give it to him, that's right. Yeah. Give him the ashes of someone that you really loved in youral to your family. Don't give him something that you... Billy Zane deserves it. Give it to him. That's right. Give him the ashes of someone that you really loved in your family. The ashes. Yeah, give him the ashes of your family. Be like, Billy, I just wanted to give this to you. What's up with Bobby and his dad's ashes?

He's obsessed. I couldn't stop laughing at the ashes. It's crazy. And I think I laugh too much. I think I laugh too much. Because even like Gilbert was looking at me and he was just like... Well, here's the problem. Do you have anybody that's been cremated that you love

that's close to you? Yeah. You spread it. I think we sent it back to... My grandmother, she passed away in Ontario, and then my grandfather passed away in New Brunswick, and we brought her back with ashes. But did you spread them together?

We buried it next to Grampy. See, we spread my grandfather's ashes in places that he wanted to be spread. Yeah, all over. Like, everyone got some. Wrigley Field. That would have been nice. We didn't do that. Wow.

That would have been nice. By the lake, I think he wanted, you know, a few golf courses, a few things. But I never understood keeping ashes. When people keep the ashes, I'm like, why? Why? No, no, no. What if you spill them? Apparently, it happens all the time.

Vacuum. Vacuum. I read an internet story about a dog that, like, knocked over the urn and them? Apparently, it happens all the time. Vacuum. I read an internet story about a dog that knocked over the urn and then ate the ashes. Ate the ashes. And so now the dog is somebody's grandmother. But it's translusive or whatever that is. We've talked about Omar, Two-Tone's dog. It's like 30% capacity right now. It's very low. How old?

Like 13, 14. It's so sad. When dogs crest a 13, 14. It's so sad. When dogs crest a decade, you're like, ugh, it's on the way down. Yeah, she's like old, smelly, sisty. Got a lot of cysties. Cysty dogs. Cysty.

It's cysty. I didn't even know. Cysty. Cysty. Come here, cysty. It looked like there was like a, it looked like when you pinch your one testicle, you like. When you squeeze it. Yeah, Sistie. It looked like when you pinch one testicle. When you squeeze it?

Yeah, you squeeze it. It was kind of close to me, and I didn't know. And Two-Tone just kind of moved her hair a little bit to present it to me. And I was just like, ugh. It was one of those things where I was just like, ugh. Do you not pet his dog? I try not to. Isn't that so sad?

Because it stinks. It always smells like the wet dog. Oh, it's so sad when you don't want to pet a dog. Because I love dogs, but if someone's dog is old or gross and sad. I'll tap, maybe. Like a tap. Good dog. Good dog.

You don't have a pup? No, I got three children. Yeah, but just give them a dog to have. No, because then I'm, no. You live in Canada with land. You can have it be an outside dog. I own lots of land. But then it could be an outside dog. I own lots of land. But then it could be an outside dog.

But then the coyotes. A lot of coyotes. Make a tall fence. Make a tall fence. Then I'm spending money on a thing. You have a lot of money. We talked about it the whole show. I know, but still, buying a fence is like,

to make a nice pen, that's like 20K. Don't you know, is there young teenagers in the neighborhood? Pay them kids to do it. It won't be plum. That'll be funny, though. I need a plum. You want perfect? It's on the property.

I got busted painting my neighbor's fence and smoking weed. His mom snitched. I never forget it. I never forget it, dude. How old? We're painting. 16. Painting the fence high as fuck.

Painting a white fence. One spot. One spot for like too long. And they're just watching you. It's bright white. It's resonating. It was a horse fence. Your's bright white. It's resonant. Yeah. It was a horse fence.

It was a. Your footprints are there. It's dripping. Yeah, it's just. The grass is dead. Looks like you've barfed everywhere over your feet. We were painting this fence getting high as fuck. Yeah.

It's baked out of our head. And all we had to do was paint. Let's see. Probably. It was probably a quarter acre of fence. And they paid us to do it. That's a fence. Summertime job, my dude.

Sweaty. Sweaty. You've got big shoulders, too. You look they paid us to do it. That's a fence. Summertime job, my dude. Sweaty, sweaty. You've got big shoulders, too. Daddy boy. But it's just like a white fence. We had no, like, no skill was needed. Because if you ever see those horse fences, they just need to be whitened up because they're gonna get filthy as fuck anyway. So we just were whitening this thing up, and his mom came home from

like a, I don't know, from an event. They were supposed to be gone until the nighttime. Mr. Santino. Busted. Busted. High as fuck. And high as fuck.

And I also had that. You're just like. I had like, I had a bag. I had the pipe. I had papers. I had blunts. I had like.

Blunts. They caught everything. You had a full. You can't get away. It's right there. What am I. It's all there. What do you say?

This is, what was this? And that's like 30 years ago. It's right there. What do you say? What was this? And that's like 30 years ago. It was a long time ago. Not 30. I'm not that old. I know. What is that? You were 70?

78? When were you born? You know, you're such a dick, dude. I'm 37 years old. I'm born in 83. I'm a year older than you. You look way older than me. Well, I'm tarnished. Okay, but don't make it like I'm like Mr. Old Man. I'm born in 83. I'm a year older than you. You look way older than me. Well, I'm tarnished.

Okay, but don't make it like I'm like Mr. Old Man. I lived hard. No, I thought you were old. You look older. You're right. You look older. No, no, no. I carry myself better.

You carry yourself better, but you look older. If you carried yourself a little, like 5% less, you'd look really old. Wait, how old are you? I'm 39. I just turned 39 Feb 7. I know. I missed your birthday on purpose. You didn't.

Yeah. I did it on purpose. You know why? It's a power play. I don't like happy birthday text. No. Because it's a million of them. They come in and you're like.

I didn't even look. I turned my phone on airplane mode on my birthday and I turned it on and it was just like people were trying to FaceTime me. People were are trying to like I'll hit you tomorrow yeah I'm an adult it we're good happy birthday I get it we're good I'm good you know what it means the most from your family I guess from my family I really want it but from friends and homies yeah it's all good if you do I if my mom dad sister don't say happy birthday or we don't do something I'm actually upset.

Yeah. Family, for sure. Like, did your kids make you, like, a cute little gift? I woke up to my kids singing me with, they had a megaphone. Nice. And I woke up to my daughter, like, literally a two-year-old, cutest little baby. She's singing happy birthday to me, dada. It was beautiful.

It was honestly beautiful. We went downstairs and we made, like, bacon and eggs and had a whole thing. See, that makes me smile. I'm like the most domesticated person ever. You are. You're a housewife. Truly. You are a housewife.

I'm like a kept man when I go home. Because she is a working, forward, progressive, independent woman, and you're a little cute housewife from the 50s. Yeah. You stay at home and you're a sweetheart. I put on a little dress. A little apron.

I kind of dust. I dust things. Those bullshit little dusters. You stay at home and you're a sweetheart. I put on like a little dress and I kind of dust. I dust things. Those bullshit little dusts are your little French maid. Yeah. Imagine if Trish came home and you were in a French maid's outfit. I just got like a butt plug

horse tail in. And she walks in and I'm like, I probably, like a horse mask. She's like, what are you doing? Have you ever had a butt plug

in your butt? I've had lots of stuff in my ass. Have you ever had a butt plug? I've had lots of stuff in my ass. I've never done a butt plug but i have a buddy that i swears by it college lots of cocaine fuck me up you know see that's bobby's thing too is that he when he was on drugs he would try anything sexual anything why not see i'm glad i didn't get into heavy drugs it changes you it changed you what drug hurt what drug changed you the most um what was the what was the drug that you would be the most vulnerable like you would do dumb shit on the most like it wouldn't be that it would be

about the amount of time i was on drugs so like right past it like you know when you get into the 48 hours of just staying high for like multiple days that's coke cocaine Cocaine, MDMA, fucking stuff, F. Molly. You don't seem like a Molly guy. I'd do anything, but at the point, at a certain point, it's like I would, you know, I would get wasted first. Yeah. Like at my pinnacle.

This was always the first step. First step. And I would drink pint glasses. I would get a pint glass filled with ice, filled with vodka, three lime wedges. Yeah, you told me that. At the kitchen. You do that at work. That's where I get good.

I drink like six or seven of those. Then I'm like, ugh. And then, ugh, yeah. And then I'm like, get a fucking couple reefs in there, a couple bumpskies. Then I do a couple whiskeys. And then I'll transition into beers. And then I would just do anything.

Oh, I got a couple of pills. Okay, pills. Oh, let's do more bumps. Okay. Then you go to a weird house party and you eat some acid. Then you forgot you eat acid and someone else offers you shrooms. And then you're like, okay. And then it's like the next day at 11 a.m.

And you're like, all I got is crack. And you're like, okay. And you'll smoke it. And we're like, maybe. It's a long time ago. In here, we pour whiskey. What are you putting in your body? Is it good?

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Yeah. Yeah. But injecting is like. Injecting is just like, it just wasn't for me. It's dirty. No, no, it's not even dirty. It's just, it wasn't for me. That was my line

that was like my weird far back line because of the social I just think that I just know I knew that I'd like it too much everything else I was just I just know that there's no once you do that

there's no going back there's no real going back. It's just like, I was a party boy. I didn't like getting into oxys. I don't like opiates. I don't like that kind of stuff. I like rage.

I'm like, I want to put my head through a wall. I want to put my head through a wall. You don't like downers. No. You want through the roof. I want to break your toilet. I want to break your head through a wall. You don't like downers. No, I want to. You want through the roof. I want to like break your toilet. I want to like break your fucking toilet and like fucking smash your window and then like

fuck it. How much, how much financial damage do you think you incurred over the time that you're using drugs? Like how many people think. Like in my own restaurant? Anywhere. Did you break just shit all the time? Yeah.

You loved breaking shit. I remember on my birthday at Parts and Labor, like what, 10 years ago? What is that? What's Parts and Labor? Parts and Labor was one of my restaurants. Oh, oh and Labor, like, what, 10 years ago? What is that? What's Parts and Labor? Parts and Labor was one of my restaurants. Oh, right, right, right. And it was a lively restaurant. It was a big, like, old warehouse that we turned into this fucking sick restaurant.

And I was, like, you know, 28. Damn. And I remember it was my birthday weekend, and I used to throw Maddie Fest. So Maddie Fest was, like, my birthday weekend at Parts and Labor. I would have bands. We had a basement bar where we would do like comedy shows sometimes about 200 cap room downstairs in the basement we'd do punk bands and djs and all that kind of like diplo would play like it was crazy like it was a vibe yeah and on i remember i i set up a band to play on my birthday and I fucking ruined the entire PA

I ruined the entire light setup took the mic stand and was just pulling down the ceiling everyone was trying to stop me and it was because everyone was throwing beer at me it was an incredible moment.

But you'll remember it for the rest of your life. Yeah, I caused like $20,000 in damages. To your own spot. To our own spot. But I was just like... And the party alone. When we had the meeting, our manager's owner's meeting the next week, everyone was like, so Maddie's Fest, we're not going to just do that anymore.

You're like, once a year, bro. Once a year. Once a year. Once a year. That's like Eric Andre rents out a warehouse downtown for his birthday. Yeah. And does like a big, he, the best thing that he ever did was he got stuff that, he got stuff that like you got, same thing, but he likes to take it one notch. He's got money behind him.

No, no, but it's also. Like naked oil wrestling. Well, he also, he pays, he pays like uns things. He pays unsightly models to come naked. So there's always a guy there with a two-foot dick. I'm not kidding. There was a guy there last year with, let's be real, if I'm being genuine, it's got to be 13 inches, 13 or 14 inches. Beautiful. And he walks around like that.

Naked women in their 70s plus. He loves older naked women. And then he likes really short guys with small penises. It's perfect. So these people are like part of the circus. Yeah. And honestly, it's the best party I've ever been to in my entire life. And he'll have like crazy

cameo people come to play music. So it also becomes kind of a concert where you're like... It's a massive party. It's a concert and a party. That's a fucking party. I don't know. I can't get to that place, but if like for me, it'd be something like... And you're just it's a massive party it's a con it's a concert and a party that's a fucking party i don't know i can't i can't get to that place but if like for me it'd be something you're just sitting there giggling watching oh i was i was i loved it i loved it are you like a party boy no i like to watch you like to watch it's funny because when i was young dude i loved to party like a lot yeah but now i like to stand back and watch people doing it and you're like

whoa that guy's about to fall i love i'm obsessed sitting back and watch people doing it. And you're like, whoa, that guy's about to fall. I love, I'm obsessed. Sitting back and just watching something fall apart. Like I like to go to Venice Beach sometimes back in the day and watch people skateboard because I wanted to see someone fall. Yeah. Like I love watching someone hit a ramp and I'm like, dude, please break something. I want to be, I want to watch the, I want to watch the chaos happen. I don't want to be in it anymore.

No. When I was young, I was like, college, I wanted to be in all the shit. I wanted to get in trouble. I want to break it. I want to steal it. I want to be in it anymore no when i was young i was like you wanted to be college i wanted to be in all the shit i wanted to get in trouble i want to break it i want to steal it i want to fuck yeah we put a um we put what's the worst thing you ever did like the like the like crime wise like like like like you and your homies like my one time we were having this party my friend stole a golf cart ruined a fucking golf course i've been in i've been in a stolen vehicle before which i think was really fucked up. Like, I don't think that was a cool thing, and we crashed it.

I had friends die that way. Well, we weren't... Okay, so check this out. I got into a car that I didn't know was stolen. I had assumed it was... Steve shows up. Hey, get in, Andy! We were-

Look, man. I don't need the judgment, bro. He'll get into his car! And he's like, I fucking stole this. Get in. We were with a bunch of different people at a party, getting in trouble, doing bad stuff. And there was a-

In Chicago. They were doing donuts. No. They were doing donuts in this car. And I thought that was fun. The worst thing you've done is donuts in a car. I get in the stolen vehicle. I get in the stolen vehicle.

And they're doing donuts. And we crash it. And I'm concerned. And then the guy's like, fuck it. I don't know this guy. And I was like, what do you mean, fuck it, dude? And he's like, it's not even my shit, dude. And I was like, well, now I'm a criminal.

Now I'm like a baiting in a stolen car, hit and run. The guy whose car it was is dead. Yeah. So whatever. That's what happens.

That's a butterfly effect. That's a butterfly effect. That's what you get. I don't know the worst. I've never like, that's probably, being in a stolen car that we crashed,

I felt bad about. But my shit was always minuscule. We would go to parties and we would steal shit. That I was obsessed. I loved going to house parties. Going to somebody's house party that's like blown out.

I love stealing house party stuff. Yeah. It's just fun. My buddy stole a pool ball off of a house, at a house party table just because these guys try to get into a fight

with parties. Chaos. That's chaos. We like stealing a ball. One ball. One ball. to get into a fight with 20 guys. Chaos. That's chaos. We like stealing a ball. One ball. One ball. You can't play this properly. What a nightmare.

Yeah, what a fucking nightmare. You got psychopaths, honey. He stole it, and then we had a three-man slingshot, and then on campus, we shot the ball. Where'd you go to university? Arizona State.

Arizona. Troublesome. Yeah. Like a big, like what a nasty party. It was not. Is that in, that's in? Tempe. Tempe. Phoenix. Okay, Phoenix what a nasty party. It was not. Is that in, that's in?

Tempe. Tempe. Phoenix. Okay, Phoenix. The Suns. Barkley. Yeah, they're there. Barkley?

Not there anymore. Not there. Not for years. Him or Nash. Chuck. It's one of the most fun schools. It was so fun. What did you do in college?

Com? Did you go to school for comedy? No. No. Journalism. And English. No. And English. You no journalism and english no in english you're smart no no smart no no no i was right you could write a like a sentence so what you don't know as a canadian is i went to arizona state when you say i'm smart people in here know wrong no it's a

state school it's not a good state okay not only is it a state school it's like at one time was the lowest of the rung yes it was like uh what's the jokiest university or yeah university in canada the one where everyone's like what did you go to fucking mohawk would you go to mohawk yeah yeah it's kind of and but it's still it's a school i used to party there it's a school but you're like what is it yeah it's like you're oh you're going to like it's like you failed high school and you got to go there that's that's what it is yeah i was a average student in high school and then that was a way to get to the West Coast. So I was like, I'll just go there.

You just wanted to get warm. I just couldn't afford California. Yeah. Arizona. Yeah. You know how cheap it was there? It was insane. And you went to college in like the 80s.

No. Okay. We're the same age, you dildo. I'm older than you. Yeah, you're older than me by a year, you wiener head. So 2000, 2001. 2002, you went to college. In the early 2000s, I went to college, yeah.

Great time in life. Honestly, it was. Early 2000s was... Post 9-11 was dope. Bro. Security, true to roof. Let's go. And you don't know where you were on 9-11

because it didn't affect Canadians. I exactly know the moment. Where were you? In college, in my dorm, first year, first week. University. I went to college. You did go to college? Yeah, cooking school.

Oh, right, that's different. Humber. It's like a trade school. It's a tried school. It's given me a lot of success. It's fine. Okay. And I was there.

Where were you on 9-11? It was silent. I woke up. It was quiet. There was nobody there. Were you cooking? No, I was waking up from being hung over,

doing lots of drugs, probably getting plowed in the ass. Yeah. And I got onto my floor and there was nobody. And I went down to the cafeteria

and it was full. I was like, what's happening? Is there free chocolate milk? Like, what is going on? You know full I was like what's happening is there free chocolate milk like what is going on you know I was like this is nice and then the second plane hit damn

and I was like what's happening did Canadians care for real I think it was a lot of people I think it shook us it felt

it had different we were like oh we need now we need passports to go to America because before we just need driver's licenses. I remember when you could just cross the border. Yeah, you could just cross the border.

But I think it felt like... I think North America felt it. I was just like... It's tough to say things, but I'm just like, dude, America blows up fucking countries all the time. And you take down two buildings, and it's very sad. It's horrible.

It's horrible. But it's like, it's a crazy, it is like a- We're bomb happy, dude. Yeah. You guys love killing everything. We kill everything. You guys love killing everything. But that's why you guys are buddies with us.

Yeah, because you protect. We're up north, and we're like, oh, shucks. Thank you. Thank you. That's why we have guns, because you can't have them. No. We got all of them. We got dog sleds.

You do have dog sleds. We have dog sleds. You do have dog sleds. My dad grew up riding dog sleds. He grew up in Yellowknife. Oh, I know where Yellowknife is. That's super far north. My grandfather was a Mountie. Mountie is a Canadian cop on a horse. Big funny pants.

They look so weird. They don't have guns, right? Hard-ass dudes. They got pistols. Like a.22. It's like a BB gun. Funny pants. They look so weird. They don't have guns, right? Hard-ass dudes. What do they have? They got pistols. They got pistols. Like a.22. Yeah, they got like a fucking... It's like a BB gun. Yeah.

It would hit you and you'd be like, ow, Mountie! Stop it! He'd go, cut it out, eh? You'd say, stop running! What's that mean? Don't touch.

French. Ah, when you get shot? That's what my mom would say to me. Like, and you'd be like, ah. Did your mom speak French in front of you? She's like, my grandma would say to me like did your mom speak

French in front of you she's like my grandma was Acadian so she's like real small French oh dude I don't like that

yeah she's Acadian real Acadians like the people that went from like Louisiana were the ones that stayed fucking back

yeah you're you're the North Americans the fancy faux French you're fancy faux French. You're fancy faux French. Yeah.

Because it's like all the- My grandmother never wore pants. Right. Full dress every day. Dresses, right. Because her dad, see, I come from like a full, like my mom's father, Grampy, fucking- R.I.P. Dude. He was chief of police for like 20 years.

For what? For what? For- Fredericton. For Fredericton. For Fredericton. To New Brunswick. Okay. And military.

Or not. He was military. He served in Korea. Did he really? Yeah, he served in Korea. Same. My grandpa's same. Yeah.

Yeah, same. That's why Bobby has a little bit of resentment towards me. He knows my history. As he should. As he should. We won. We won, dude. That's why you're still here, pal.

So what, Grampy, chief of police? Chief of police. I don't know where I'm even getting at. So we're Acadian, and I just said French stuff. No, you said something about, what was it about Grampy being the chief of police? 20 years badass? He was a badass. He was great.

He's the chief of police. He's the best. Do you have that in your blood? I got it in my blood. I'm hard-bodied. That's what I'm saying. I'm Canadian. I got it in my blood.

I'm hard-bodied. That's what I'm saying. I'm Canadian. My grandmother's family came from Normandy in 1637 to Lockport, Nova Scotia. My family, and it's crazy, before she passed away, and I never even saw this, she had this insanely documented family tree book that I never saw.

Your grandmother? My grandmother, that she made with her sisters and all this stuff, and I never saw it ever before. And she lived the last, like the last year at my parents' house. Way better than in a home. Yeah, that was the thing. She didn't want to go to a home. Grampy passed. Yeah.

That's the same thing with my family. And my parents, my family's sweet. You know, so they were just like, come on in. Yeah, let's go. You're not going anywhere. Because the home thing is sad, dude. The home thing is rough. Some people have to. Dude, some people have to.

But it is a bummer, dude. When I see it, I'm always like, it looks like a sad movie whenever I pass one. It is a sad movie. It's like their life is this loop. You're there to die and to maintain the slow death. See, I'd rather just be on the real world dying quicker. Yeah.

I'd rather die quicker. Get a tent. Go on a trip. You'd be done in like, get a bear. Like, go hiking. Go get a bear. Leave raw steaks around your tent. Just go hiking.

You're done. Yeah. Go free solo, Al Cap. Oh. Let's go. Just go free climb. When I'm old, I'll just start free climbing. You'd go three feet up, fall down, die.

You know? You'd be like, let's go. Imagine that article. They're like, 89-year-old Matty Matheson was free soloing know? You'd be like, let's go. Imagine that article. They're like, 89-year-old Matty Matheson was free-souling Al Cap. They're like, holy shit. He made it six inches off the ground

before slipping, cracking both hips and dying. Yeah. His hips broke in, hit his spleen. You want to die indoors or outdoors? I don't know. Because that makes me think,

would it be cool to die in nature or do you want to die in your own home? No, dude, just turn to moss. Just out in the woods. What is it called? What's his name? Into the Wild? No, no, I can't remember the actor.

I've talked about it before, but it fascinates me. He got wrapped in one of those forever suits. Do you know what those are? A forever suit? So it wraps you in this biodegradable material that basically binds to your skin and makes you

decompose into the soil and it's nutrient. So it takes out all these toxins and then it decomposes into the soil so it's like a... Like a...

It's good... No, you're a fertilizer for nature. Perfect. But what it does... But an actor did that? Yeah, a famous actor and he died of cancer.

And he was just... He was a famous TV guy that died not too long ago. Al Croker. No. Keep going. Dennis Rodman. No, he's alive.

Go. Okay. Famous TV guy. Regis. No. Go. Come on, man. I don't watch TV.

Kirk Cameron. No. Kirk Cameron. Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney, no. He's alive. He's alive. Is he dead?

I think he's... I've played this game before. Are they alive or dead? And I have no idea. Dick Cheney for sure is alive. You say that. Is he dead? I don't know.

In the comments, just let us know if Dick Cheney's alive. I think he's a good... I don't know. Dick Cheney was a good guy, right? I want to look it up, but should I not? I have no idea.

I know nothing about him. I like that movie, Dick. When people talk politics about like who they like you know how people pretend they really know about politicians like you don't fucking know any you don't know shit you just read something on twitter one time ted cruz going to the fucking cancun let's go how cool is that dude he's like get down there cruisy yeah he's like snow see ya peace yeah rush rush limbaugh died. Rush. Rush died. I don't know Rush.

Not a good guy, probably. You know what's so funny? He did the pills. He definitely, he's one of those guys. He's a pill head. I would love to see what his weekends look like. Dude, how about partying with that guy, huh? Yeah.

He gets the hotel. The internet caught on fire and was like, rest in piss. Yeah. Which is a funny, that's just a funny slang. I don't know enough about Rush Limbaugh to know if I hate him or like him. I just don't care. Yeah, I couldn't care less. But I do think that guy would be fun to party with.

Dude, I'm going to get roasted for saying this. Imagine watching the Super Bowl with the Bush family. Oh, dude, so fun. Imagine watching the- What do you mean? How fun would that be? How great would that be? Yeah.

That's like, I was just like, imagine the most psychopathic Republican just like controlling the, creating the CIA. That's not as bad as the Trumpies. Barron. They're just out there and Barron's pissing on everybody. Barron's like, can I clip your toenails? You're like, what? Excuse me? He's like, no, no, no, I just need something for your earwax.

You're like, what? Imagine though, honestly, imagine the guys that get into that family right like the the kid the young guy that dates the youngest daughter

or whatever I wonder you're weighing out these scales of pro and cons between getting in that family it's like what what is it

that you're willing to sacrifice everything to be a part of that family everything cause once you're in there it's over dude cause I think if you kiss the ring

if you like if you give your blood you know if you do your blood pack into that and then you're just like we're snapping like once a month we get to kill a baby like you're in you know once a month i think it's more we get to snap a spot like a weekly spine snap and then drink it right isn't that what they do and then they drink it and then they're like you know our man epstein he slipped ep dog ep dog slipped dog dog slipped we don't slip and you went on a cocaine uh cruise with gillane a couple years ago you guys were partying in saint bart's or or was it french it was french polynesia she was yeah it was like

paul mccartney her the beetle bro dude the beetle we i was at this prince played this party yeah and it was really rest in peace dude rest in peace purple rain dude he played for four fucking hours i've heard i've heard he is like he was the best showman alive he played uh he's dead he died he died shortly after that it's pretty wild and um pills by the way don't do pills that's facts don't do pills. That's facts. Don't do pills. Yeah. Don't. Yeah. Just don't do drugs. But the fucking... Listen to me. Don't do drugs. I built my career on it. Yeah. I still talk about it

eight years later. It's like when the Beatles... It's all I have. It's like Paul McCartney doing an anti-drug campaign. You're like, what? What? Excuse me? You made an album about acid. You made a whole album about acid. Sergeant Peppers. What the fuck are you talking about? Don't do drugs. I made my entire living on it. Paul danced the entire time.

Trisha was like eight months pregnant. Whose birthday was this? It was New Year's. Where was this at? Somewhere exclusive? It was at this little bar on the beach in St. Barts. And Prince was there? Everybody was there. It was the wildest thing I ever saw. Did you have to cash an invite to that or no?

I tagged along. You were someone more famous. We were staying with... Someone very famous. We were staying with some people. Well, we had a house on their land. You don't want to tell me who it was. No.

It was someone remarkably famous. No, no. It was somebody remarkably rich. Rich. Yeah. That's the deal. It was somebody remarkably rich. You're allowed to rub shoulders with the famous and the talented if you're very rich.

There was like three houses on top of a mountain in St. Bar. It was like... I think it was like 90K a week. and the talented if you're very rich. There was like three houses on top of a mountain in St. Bar. I think it was like $90,000 a week. Get the fuck out of here. Just to rent a house? It was three. Oh, it was villas. Yeah. It was three villas.

$90,000 a week? Yeah, it was wild. And then me and Trish had our own villa. That you didn't pay for? No, it was a gift. Dude. Thank you. All I had to do?

Tweet about it. Yeah. He's like, it was a gift. Dude. Thank you. All I had to do. Tweet about it. Yeah. He's like, if you make one TikTok, we're even. Yeah, I was like. And the fucking. And the fucking. No, all I had to do. Yeah.

New Year's Day, I had to make fucking 100 cheeseburgers. Oh, they were like, that's it. You have to cook one time and that's it. Yeah. And everybody, it was, and the thing was, because people like a play, right? I got this person to do this. I got this. So I made 100 burgers and I gave them, and I made

it out of Wagyu. It was crazy. Wait, wait. Like Japanese Wagyu or American Wagyu? Japanese Wagyu. That's in St. Bart's. It was like $5,000 worth of beef. Yeah, I was just gonna say. It was like $5,000 worth of beef. Yeah, I was just going to say. It was honestly like, we bought all the beef there.

We got a special order. And you ground it? We ground it. And the butcher, it's a small place. And he was just like, I don't know if I can do, he's frightening,

I don't know if I can do this. This is violating the pect of the cow. I was like, grind it. I'm here for you. You need to grind that right now because I need to get it up to this fucking place. And he was just like, I don't, and I was like, grind it. I'm here for you. You need to grind that right now because I need to get it up to this fucking place. And he was just like, I don't. And I was like, grind it.

So you made 100 Wagyu cheeseburgers. And it was just like, you know, like Rick Rubin's people, like everybody's. Was Rick there? I was at this, yeah. The craziest party, that whole thing was like my biggest insight into fame and- Wealth.

Wealth and the Illuminati, you know, like just like the whole thing of it. Did you have to sign NDA or anything like that? It was very, it was very chill. There was like a lot of security on the outside of things. Yeah.

But once you're in, it was very, once you're in, you're in the gut filling up like Leo's vape juice, you know, like watching, watching that, watching,

telling, telling Leo he was good in Gilbert grapes. He has a, he has a vape guy, a guy who was a vape juice. You know, like watching that. Watching, telling, telling Leo he was good in Gilbert Grapes. He has a, he has a vape guy, a guy who like fills his. There's a vape guy. It was incredible.

It's like his buddy that he's always with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a buddy he's always with. Yes, yes, yes. That guy, I watched

fill up the juice and I was just like. Imagine if he gets the juice wrong and Leo's like, what the fuck is this shit? He's like, is that raspberry? I wanted strawberry. It's fucking marmalade, He's like, is that raspberry? I wanted strawberry.

It's fucking marmalade, bitch. Yeah, marmalade. I wanted vanilla mocha. Wait, time out. Real fast. Before we can do, because I want to hear the other party. Tell me this, because I need to know this for my own peace and sanity. Japanese Wagyu is not the same as American Wagyu.

No. Okay. Because there's lying places in America that go, we have Wagyu. And you're like, no, it's not. If you don't see, if they don't present. They're like, it's A5 or all that, whatever the fuck. If they don't present a certificate and have it bring out a full fucking piece, like present it, I don't buy it.

Right, so what I say is, or what I've heard is, there are. Wagyu's a breed. Right, it's a breed. And we have American Wagyu cows. I have Canadian Wagyu. Right, but you can't, you're not American Wagyu cows. I have Canadian Wagyu. Right. But you can't, you're not supposed to call it. I'm certified A5. Canadian Wagyu.

Because it's, they bred the cows here and they took them to America. Yeah. But technically, the only real Wagyu that makes it to America from Japan, it's only like a dozen places that actually have access to it. They have to have a certification to even get it. To even order it here. Yeah. And how do they do that?

They have to ship it the same day and it has to be fucking, because they can't, not freezing it. to even get it. To even order it here? Yeah. And how do they do that? They have to ship it the same day and it has to be fucking, because they can't, not freezing it. They do freeze it. They freeze it? It's frozen, absolutely. That sucks.

Yeah, it is 100% frozen. But it isn't. Because real wag, it's like frozen butter. It actually doesn't do any, there's such high fat content, it actually doesn't do it. And there's a lot of people that say

that the molecular makeup of beef is actually better frozen once than after. It actually doesn't do it. And there's a lot of people that say that the molecular makeup of beef is actually better frozen once than after. It tenderizes it. So you have to freeze it once but then after that it must sit... Yeah. Well, it just needs to be in the fridge forever. But it is much like butter. If you were to freeze butter, it doesn't do fucking anything because there's so much fat.

Yeah, well, it's pure fat. There's nothing to do. Yeah, that's true. So they do, they ship that shit for like deep, deep froze. Like minus 20. Dude, that to do. Yeah, that's true. So they do, they ship that shit for, like, deep, deep throws. Like, minus 20. Dude, that's so weird. I didn't know. Because I thought when they, I had it one time in Japan. I had it a few times, but I went to Japan once. But I had a fucking,

this guy explain to me, it's too long of a story to tell on this, but I will tell you off-air one time. No, it's a short story long. It's a short story long, is we ended up in this neighborhood, we didn't, we ended up there on accident because we were going to see a um a show like a live show a dancing show that had been canceled we didn't know so we just walked around in this neighborhood saw a little restaurant thought this could be cool there's like six tables in there it's like in a neighborhood on a stream yeah i'll show you photos i think i've told this story before but

anyway no i know you should see it it's beautiful but anyway i've told this stupid story before. But anyway. I believe you. No, you should see it. It's beautiful. But anyway, I've told this stupid story. But we walked in. No reservation, no reservation. We end up finding out. This is like a five-star private invite only. Yeah, you got in. I'm like, oh, fuck. We're at the wrong place.

The chef comes out, and he's just interested in us for some reason. Yeah. And he was like, where are you from? How do you know this? Like, how did you find us? How did you get in here? And I was like, fucking on accident? Yeah.

And he literally was like, okay, go down the street to a bar yeah go get a drink and come back at eight because we close at eight right for no reason this guy does so we go i'm like is this real we go back no shit it's closed it's us and the chef and a couple of staff and he cooks us the most incredible and sits and wants to talk to about about our travels and we sit and had four bottles of fucking wine i mean i'm blacked out and he's serving me like the best beef i've ever had in my life he's serving it rare raw seared you know what i mean yeah and it's the best i've ever had he could he explains to me he went to school for the molecular study of beef in the university of colorado here and he said to me

there is a handful of restaurants in the United States that actually can even get access to real shit. You have to be certified, actually. That's bonkers to me. Because I thought, you hear it, you go to nice restaurants in New York or whatever, and you hear, they're like, why go? And I'm like, is it?

It's like people saying, oh, it's local. Right. What does that mean? What, it's local? It's local on the globe. Is there a farm 20 minutes from here? I'm in Manhattan. What's local? That's it. You know? It's just? Is there a farm 20 minutes from here? I'm in Manhattan. What's local?

You know? It's just like this whole 100 miles shit. I think a lot of people with Wagyu and Kobe and all this other stuff and Snowflake and like... What's Snowflake? Snowflake's like the stuff that Benny gets. That's like TikTok? He buys the best of the best. Like 600 a pound or something like that?

Crazy. Yeah. I've heard that's about the price of the top. He's wild. I love it. Well, he's got too much money. He's got too much. So might as well spend it on Snowflake. And he is a liberal Snowflake.

So you know what? That's why you eat that way, you liberal Snowflake. Benny. Benny. Tell me the other party. I cut you off, but I want to hear the other party. So it was for this rich Russian guy like an oligarch

or some shit I'm obsessed with those guys it was like a situation where it was he's got like he's a billionaire obviously

sells like international arms yeah like he has like his his his yacht his yacht I think is like 2.5 billion his yacht. His yacht I think is like $2.5 billion.

His yacht is $2 billion or something like that. That's like you could buy the island of Jamaica for that. You know what I mean? Yeah. You could buy an island for $2 billion. You could buy a lot of stuff. And I think it had like a thing. Like someone was saying that you can't take even a photo of it.

It has like a force. Like shit. You can't take a photo of the guy's yacht. And he's got like one of those things where he has a pool out on the deck that rises up to a helicopter fucking pad. And then it like goes down and is on a boat, on a boat. God,

dude. So I went to this party. Yeah. And that's where I saw, uh, Leo with the, it was a dinner. How did you get invited to the party?

Are you cooking? Are you working? No, no, no. I was just there. Being a homie. And the coolest thing out of the whole thing,

like, so I talked to Jimmy Buffett for like an hour. Did he have a Hawaiian shirt on? No, no. He's just like, and it was amazing. You're talking about moose hunting? Moose hunting.ose hunting and his great great grandfather is canadian really and uh and he and because i like it's so funny wherever i go people like oh he's canadian and like i'm in a circle of people and then all of a sudden oh and

jimmy and jimmy was just like oh my great grandfather was fucking canadian i was like oh crazy he's like yeah he's from newfoundland i'm like oh my dad's from newfoundland then we start talking about interior hunting of moose and newfoundland. I'm like, oh, my dad's from Newfoundland. Then we started talking about interior hunting of moose in Newfoundland. I'm like, yeah, I've hunted and I've bagged a moose before and field dressed it and I was showing him photos. I'm like, here's its heart and we're just talking about

hunting and that was really cool. Then it was just crazy. All for two weeks, every time I'd just be like, hey, Jimmy. It was just like an incredible thing. Jimmy Buffett's your buddy now like but his wife is like she runs the whole thing his wife runs him oh jimmy's wife runs the island yeah she's she's literally they've been going there for like 45 years and so like she is literally the queen yeah Yeah. And then like, straight up. Do you like, do you like his music? I,

I don't think I've ever heard. No, don't lie. No, no, no. I don't know. I've heard the song.

My mom is a, she lost it when I told her, she was like, excuse me, white people from, from, uh, 52 to fake boobs are obsessed with Jimmy Buffett. Yeah.

My mom, like that's like,, dancing on a table. A boob falls out. She's got some Chardonnay. Margarita Vale! Back in the day. 25 years ago, Joni. But you and Jim became homies then.

It was like a very interesting thing because I was there. Trisha didn't come to this party. She was just like, you fuck this whole thing. Trisha's just so anti. I was like, come, come't come to this party. She was just like, you fuck this whole thing. Like, Trisha's just like so anti. I was like, come, come, come, come. She's over it. Dude, she's like eight months pregnant. She's like just hot fucking. She's

like got a fan on her fucking, you know. On her hooch? You know, it's hot here. It's hot here. And she's like, you go to your cool fucking bullshit and fucking you know, say what's up to the losers. Like, she's one of those people. She doesn't care. She doesn't like Hollywood losers. She does not.

She just doesn't care. She's very indifferent, truly. Like, there's nothing. She doesn't care about fancy bags or anything. My old lady's the same way. She's the best. It just doesn't mean much. She wants a garden.

She's real. She's a real human that is lovely. Fucking, she's the best. But she was like, just go. Because I was like, I'll stay. And she's like, you really want to go. You want to go vape with leo i want to go vape with leo and uh and it was incredible i was we were standing anything and it was like he leo chris rock and like chris rock uh dead fished me on the handshake i got introduced and i was just like i

was just like hey what's up man and he was like what introduced, and I was just like, I was just like, hey, what's up, man? And he was just like, what's up? And I was just like, I get it. I'm like, I get it. Hey, you're Chris Rock. I get it. You do get it. I don't get it.

Shake a hand. Shake a hand. Shake a hand. But I got like a dead fish from Chris Rock, and I was like, okay, Chris Rock, you'll see this. Chris. Christopher. Christopher.

Make me a Wagyu cheeseburger. Wow. and the fucking and but the thing that was amazing was Jimmy Buffet's wife scolded him Chris Rock Chris Rock

being like you she's from the south and she was like you were rude to me mister and she said that to Chris Rock and everyone

it's like literally I'm sitting it's like Rick Rubin Leo Chris Rock David Geffen. Like, crazy inner shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she's standing there smoking a joint. And she's just like, you were rude to me once. After he shook my hand. And I was just, she didn't see that he like deadfished me or whatever. He just kind of was like. So you loved it. And I was just like, and she was just smoking a joint. Yeah, Chris Rock.

And she's wearing this beautiful white dress. And like, she's just like, you were rude to me. And he was just like, and she was just looking at a joint and she was wearing this beautiful white dress and she's just like, you were rude to me. And he was just like, and everyone was just like, oh. Did he even respond? And he's got like two models with him and stuff. And I was just like, this is incredible. I was like, what's happening?

Leo's just like vaping and blowing fucking dragon fucking clouds. He's making margaritas. Leo's puffing clouds. Rock is getting scolded bygaritas. Yeah, it was like incredible. Leo's puffing clouds. I was like, yeah. Rock is getting scolded by another adult. Yeah, and we were in an elevator once and you didn't hold the door for me.

And I was just like, what? How do you remember that shit? And I was just like, she did. And I was just like this. And he was just like, I'm so sorry. Like, you know, whatever. This is her island, dude. Yeah, it was incredible. was incredible it was like well she like big dogged him hard like in front of everybody too and i was just like this is incredible and then and then like i was just

like whatever and then leo was pitching like a environmental film to this other guy i was watching him like he's like we got to do this thing like the world's over and i was like this is incredible is this real leo's pitching right now and i was just like it was like an incredible thing that i was just like he's like talking about being vegan he's like i'm vegan i'm just like this i'm like what i don't you always eat like sandwiches and i was just like i was just like i'm like you're not vegan you're smoking like you don't even know what that is right and it was just like incredible and then and then um and then at the very end i was just like and i asked the dude i was with i was just just like, yo, can I ask Leo for a photo? And he's just like, yeah, totally.

It's chill. And I was just like, yo, Leo. I was like, you were really good in Gilbert Grapes. And he started laughing. Of course. And he was just like, that's funny. That is very funny. And he's like, I like that.

And I was like, can I get a selfie? And he was just like, yeah. So you snagged one. Let's see the Leo pic. I'll just Google image it. Because there's been like Canadian yeah. So you snagged one. Let's see the Leo pic. I'll just Google image it because there's been like Canadian articles. About you with Leo? About just maybe like,

I had a whole thing where when I first got like a lick of like fame and I'm being a Canadian guy, I would take selfies with like everybody. I'd just be like selfies with them. Would you post them or you just have them? No, I'd post them. I'd just be like fucking,

I was just like you guy on the blog. I'm like, oh, who's this? Will Smith? Ba-boom. Gotcha. Like notch on my belt. Another famous guy? And it's just like, fuck it. I was just like, new guy on the block. I'm like, oh, who's this? Will Smith? Ba-boom. Gotcha. Like, gotcha my belt. Another famous guy?

And it's just like, what is this? Leo, Leo Matty Matheson. Matty Matheson. Vape bros. Juice gods. Cloud,

cloud kings. Wait, oh, wait, here, here's the, Chef Matty Matheson selfies with celebs.

Here's the article. And this is amazing. This was written when I had his Instagram account at a booming 74 000 this one i had 74 000 now you're up to a milli a milli there's the party and he's giving a little thumbs up a little vape thumbs up a little vape thumbs up a little vape thumbs up there's me there's that guy what's his name i don't know who that is. Spread it open. Look, he's like the white comedian guy.

Oh, Jim Gaffigan. Jim Gaffigan. He's the white comedian guy. He's the white comedian guy. He's one of you. He looks like you guys. This was the night

me and Benny, there. That's when you and Benny met. That's me and Benny. And Ed Sheeran wanted my burgers. And so Ed came to the restaurant. They rolled up

and I was driving these guys around in my truck. I brought him to like a house party and shit because I didn't know who he was. Yeah. And we were around in my truck. I brought him to like a house party and shit because I didn't know who he was. Yeah. And we were just going to like,

I brought him to all these house parties. It was pretty cool. Do you ever meet people and you don't know who they are and you feel like weird about them?

Like, I'm not. Wait, who was that? Who was that? Jon Snow. Snow? Yeah. Sexy. He was shooting a movie.

The hot guy. He was at our pub every day for three months. Because they were shooting a film out there? Yeah, he was fucking on one. When you don't, you ever meet,

you ever meet someone that's, that's like, that you don't know that they're famous and somebody has to tell you and then, like, because I don't know people, I'm really bad with names.

So I've met people, like, you know who I met? I met the kid from, used to be in, what's the boy band, what's like the biggest boy band on earth? One Direction or?

NSYNC? No, One Direction, right? One Direction? I'm not talking about 30 years ago. One Direction. Wait, is One Direction right? the new one I'm not talking about 30 years ago One Direction wait is One Direction right?

I don't know I don't fuck dude I'm so bad at that yeah One Direction I met one of the kids from One Direction yeah but would you even know

like the Jonas Brothers if you met them? yeah dude yes of course I would you would know the Jonas Brothers? yes I should know who like this guy

Harry Styles you know these guys One Direction you know yeah yeah yeah Harry Styles is the guy who wears the silk a lot of silk.

He wears dresses and stuff a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said silk and you're like dresses. Well, that's what they are. Yeah. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying, yeah, he likes to wear dresses. Yeah, yeah.

And good for him. If you can pull it off, if you've got that kind of bod, if you have that kind of slender fig. I wish. If I wore a dress, I'd look like a dumpster. You'd look like a suburban mom. Yeah. Like on a John Waters movie.

I'd just look like Divine. Yeah, you would though. but it'd be kind of hot divine's number one but you'd be hot you like john waters movies love yeah what do you mean love yeah he's the best you're the dark i meet i meet one of the um i meet one of the members there and i don't know it's him but i'm talking to him and then like a like i don't really care about fame or what and it's like it doesn't matter i don't i'm not like impressed by it like me but no you're i'm you're barely on my like scale okay but the dumb thing i do if i don't know who they are the only thing that's embarrassing about it is when i'm like what do you do because if they mention something like what do you do what do you do and then they don't know how to answer without sounding like a pompous

you're like i'm right i'm an oscar winner they're like oh yeah i'm a world like i'm the i'm the most famous person google right just google the most and i've done this a multitude of times where i've embarrassed myself and i'm like oh what do you do are you or i'll say what i said i'm not going to mention names no but but i love i say all the names he's like a real he's a real professional where he doesn't know it's like david geffen i'm gonna get assassinated it's embarrassing for me because I said to somebody are you in the music industry

because they kept talking you look like a manager you actually look like the character I play one on TV but somebody says to me afterwards do you ask him if he's in the fucking music industry and I was like are you fucking the dumbest human on earth and then they told me who it was and I was like, yeah. And he's like, are you fucking the dumbest human on earth? And then they told me

who it was, and I was like, oh shit. Like Shawn Mendes. Yeah. It was Ariana Grande. No. Ariandy Grande. Hey, are you Ariandy Grande? Hey, Grande. That sounds like everybody from Chicago in my family.

Who you meeting out there in Hollywood? Ariana Grande. You know them? Don't you meeting out there in Hollywood? Ariana Grande's. You know them? Don't you love that about your family? Do you know Justin Bieber's wife, Halle Bieber? No? He used to be Baldwin's kid. Biodome. Great movie.

They talk about these people like they know them. That's the best part about back home is they talk about Hollywood people like they know them well. Like it's a part of their social grouping. After I was on Jimmy Kimmel, my entiremel, that's how I won over the town. Finally, everyone I saw, Jimmy Kimmel! Saw you on Jimmy Kimmel. I'm just like, what? Okay.

But that does feel good. It's a funny thing. I wore a Speedo on Jimmy Kimmel when we were premiering Punk'd and I climbed on his desk and I got tased by Guillermo. For real. And he hit me with a real taser. I kind of was like, this is going to be like a prop. It was a fucking real taser.

It was a real taser. Yeah, it fucking hurt. It hurts. He hit me here and hit me on the ass. Tasers freak me out. Well, the gun taser freaks me out. Right. This was...

What is this? What's the difference? This is a taser. The cords? Yeah. Like the cop cords? That's out of the gun. That wasn't it.

It was out of the hand. Oh, zap. And he hit me on the ass. But I remember thinking in the bathroom, I was like, this is going to be fucking huge for me. And not one person. You always think like the moments aren't the moments. No, they're not. They're never like I was like.

These are the moments. These are the moments. This is the moment. This is the moment. Someone's going to see this and be like, I need him. I need Maddie. I need him. I need Matty. I need him to be on a show. On a show.

What did you say? The first time you were on what? You cut yourself off. What? You said those aren't the moments. Well, no, just like I remember because I think I went on Seth Meyers first. Yeah. I did Seth Meyers, and it was like I was literally by myself.

Like no team, no like any. I was literally by myself. Hair and makeup yeah and it was so incredible they were like yo we're really doing a lot of stuff with the social media shoot like you getting ready at like your hotel to when you arrive uh word we're gonna put up the stories so i'm like in the bathroom and i'm like in the shower i got my phone completely covered in soap i'm like i'm coming to seth meyers and like i'm gonna come and see you seth i'm coming to see and i do this whole like thing where i'm like on my way for me and seth my my new best friend you're like we can't use

anything i sent them like 50 videos i want you're naked and the whole thing i was like talking to the uber driver i was like do you know seth meyers he's like i don't know and i was just like and it was like amazing he says like some weird off-color. And I was just like, and it was like amazing. He says like some weird off-color stuff and I was just like videoing him and I was just like, I'm going to Seth Meyers.

I got a big show. I'm going to cook him a cheeseburger. And I was just like, oh my God. And I did the thing and I was just like, eh.

And they used none of it. Yeah. But that's what happens. I think you're right though. They're like, do the work. No, we don't like it.

Thank you. You know what Neil Brennan says is my favorite phrase he ever said? When somebody's asking you to do their dishes, that's what it is. They're like, do the dishes. That's what Brennan says.

He's like, when people in the business will ask you to do their dishes. Yeah, do something. And you're like, why am I doing your dishes? Don't do the dishes. I do what I do. That's a great. Don't do other people's dishes.

He's funny. Neil is very funny. He's funny. But we'll have phone calls. We'll talk for hours at a time. And he has so much insightful small stuff like that because I told him about his issue. He's intelligent.

Yeah, like actually intelligent. Not like when somebody goes, that guy's smart. You're like, smart. What I just did to you. Because you're stupid. And I'm stupid. But you're a little smarter.

A little smarter than you. Yeah. But not by much. It's teetering on. It's almost we're equal smart. But I think if I didn't do the excessive amount of drugs. Then you'd be the same as me. Yeah.

So that's what I'm saying. It's right there. I probably have more money than you. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Okay. And less pride.

And less pride. Yeah. Yeah. But your ego is bigger. My ego is, no, very. Our ego is is no very our ego is no therapist says i'm work i'm working on it do you have a male or a female therapist dr rose is a male or a man or a woman she's a woman good i can't get a male therapist i started doing i started doing therapy virtually i never have done therapy in my life and i started doing doing it. The pandemic made me. Can I tell you something?

Yes. So I've done both. Yeah. And not like there's a weird plug because I talk about it on the show. I prefer online. I like it. I love it.

You can do it anywhere. You don't have to go. It's more for me that I just, therapy is like the gym. Yeah. I like lifting weights. I don't want to go to the fucking place. I don't like the gym.

I don't like the fucking gym. I don't like the people. I don't like how it smells. You see other people to the fucking place I don't like the gym I don't like the people, I don't like how it smells You see other people in the gym I don't want to see the other people in the gym So the reason I like anything at home now Especially doing therapy at the house Where do you do it if your wife's home? In another room Just go in another room?

Yeah, go to the other side of the house What do you mean? I go in my car I go in my car And then I let the people outside In the parking lot here What do you mean? You have other sides of your home. Oh, you want to be totally away. I go in my car. I go in my car, and then I let the people outside in the parking lot here. Just roll down the windows?

No, I just go to the other side of the crib, and it's just... That's a known thing. You just are like, I like my time at my house because then I feel more comfortable and I'm at my own house. A lot of times,

if I go somewhere, I'm like, I'm sitting on this weird casting couch of emotions. Other people have spilled out their guts. Yeah. Yeah. That's bad juju in those rooms. Yeah. Not like I'm saying don't, I'm just saying I prefer to be in my own spot. And then you're more comfortable, more vulnerable. By the way, that's going to be the future of everything. Even I've, I've done Teladoc. I did Teladoc. Do you know what that is? What do you show? You've got to

show like a spot. You're like, I got a spot. No, no, dude. I had to do a Teladoc? I did Teladoc. What do you show? You gotta show a spot? You're like, I got a spot. No, dude, I had to do a Teladoc because after I had Rones, I was getting these crazy dizzy spells. And I'd never had them. Do you drink a lot of water? Do I normally? Yeah. Are you a water dodger? My piss is clear. No. I'm always drinking a lot of

water. I like that. It's like a consomme. My piss is a consomme. And I did a Teladoc appointment water. I like that. Piss clear. It's like a consomme. Consomme. My piss is a consomme. Your piss is consomme. And I did a Teladoc appointment at the crib and I gotta tell you, I was like, oh, dude, if I could, this is, if I could do this for the rest of my life and never go into a doctor's office again, let's

do that. Do you think you should imagine if you're a therapist? Couldn't people just, if you don't go into the office, you don't see the thing on the wall, the certificates. Anyone could be a therapist. Yeah, but anybody can be in anything. You know when you meet, if you don't go into the office, you don't see the thing on the wall, the certificates. Anyone could be a therapist. Yeah, but anybody can be in anything. You know when you meet somebody, you don't know their credentials. I would be a firefighter.

Hey, dude, my business manager, how do I know he went to school? No. No, I don't know. No. So it's kind of like, I don't really give a fuck as long as you're doing it. Like your accountant. Have you ever really asked to see the paperwork? No.

You know? He could just be Mike from Encino. Mike from Encino. He's like, what? I used to work at In-N-Out before this. Now I'm doing your books. If they give you any type of tax return, you're just like, oh, sweet. Cool, he did it.

Everything's perfect. Right. They're stealing from us exponentially. There's no doubt in my mind. I always say, I'm like, I'm going to do an audit one day. Yeah, on them. I always say that to my, like, I'm like, I'm going to do an audit. And they're like, any time.

Yeah, good luck, bitch. Yeah, they're like, we control it all. Right. Yeah. They're like, you're OnlyFans? Yeah, we see those hit the fucking credit cards. They're like, we're cooking the books, bitch. Yeah.

We know what the fuck you're up to. They're like, business managers and accountants are basically Scientologists, because they know all your dirt. They know how you spend your money. So they're like, oh, really? Do you want us to tell Trish about all that money you were spending on your OnlyFans account? Yeah.

Your Pornhub premium? Does Trish want to know about that? I had a full internet free. I canceled everything. It was incredible. And then all of a sudden, I was just like, I don't have anything left. And then I had to go back to ads.

Boo. I had a free lifetime. Pornhub? Let's talk again. lifetime Pornhub let's talk again at Pornhub at Pornhub get Matty back to where he belongs cause like I deleted the

I got scared I got spooked there's a lot of stuff going on I was like I can't have attachments to all these things I got fake I got good names on there too

I got like little personas and Paul McCartney Paul McCartney 69 yeah Paul McCartney 69 by the, Paul McCartney 69. By the way, I don't know if you've ever used the Oculus,

but the Oculus and... I've never done the Oculus. I want to. My guy, I have one. I'll let you try it. You need like a smell thing too, though. You can smell it? Smell the ass?

You can smell the... You can smell the ass? It smells just like a change drawer. Like a fucking... It just smells like... Like a big jar of change? Yeah, like a jar of... That's a specific smell.

Add like a little bit of water. Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can jade. like a jar of jade. That's a specific smell. Just add like a little bit of water. Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can smell it.

The Oculus is wild to watch, is wild to watch porno in, but also, but you don't know where you're jerking off, like, it's too close. It's a lot.

That's my biggest beef. It's too close. It's, you're, it's like, it's too alive. You can hear it? Earbuds in.

No, dude, it has, it has speakers built into the thing. Yeah, you can hear the sucking. Do you like the anime stuff? Sometimes.

Every, there's a, I do. There's a moment for everything. Yeah, I do. I like it sometimes. Once in a while. Cause you go to the end of the, it's like you go hear the sucking. Do you like the anime stuff? Sometimes. There's a moment for everything. Yeah, I do. I like it sometimes. Once in a while. Because you go to the end of the... It's like you go to the end and you look over

and there's just a vast ocean and you got to go to the other coast and you got to see where the other coast is going. Pornhub at some point will turn into Netflix where it's like, we have everything

and you're like, you have too many things. Yeah. You have way too many things. That's why simplicity sometimes... That's why In-N-Out is successful. You just type in words. You just type in some words,

like three words. Yeah. Like sad... Barf, fart, that's why In-N-Out is successful. Just type in words. You just type in some words, like three words. Yeah. Like sad. Barf, fart, fight. Yeah, barf, fart, fight. Florida. Florida. Yeah.

And they're like, we know. Yeah, we've already, this is Florida. This already happened. Those words are already in Florida. Anyway, my love, okay, look, I could talk to you for six hours,

but you've got to go do tacos. I've got to go meet Benny. You've got to go do tacos. We've been doing it almost two hours. Good. Well, you've got to go do tacos. I've got to go meet Benny. You've got to go do tacos. We've been doing it almost two hours. Good. Well, you've got to go do tacos. Yeah, I've got to go downtown or somewhere. You know how we end the show with one word or one phrase. You're going to look into the camera when I walk off. You say whatever you

want to say to end us out. Wait until I get off camera and then do it gracefully. Okay. If I could have one person impregnate me, it would be Andrew. I would birth the child at home with the windows open. It would be a sunny day. And I would give him a child that he deserves.

Thank you, Andrew, for having me on. This podcast is now successful a little bit more. Thank you. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard. little bit more. Thank you.