Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Nick Swardson Returns!

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

Comedy tornado Nick Swardson (Reno 911!, Grandma’s Boy, Happy Madison) sits down with Andrew Santino for a ridiculous, rapid-fire hang about cult movies, Sandler stories, crowd chaos, and writing bits that shouldn’t work (but do). We get into Terry on roller skates, Bucky Larson lore, road life, and why he just launched his new YouTube channel @SwardNation — go subscribe and show love: https://www.youtube.com/@SwardNation Tell us you favorite drinking cities and why in the comments! 🍊 FOLLOW NICK • @SwardNation on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwardNation • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realnickswardson/ FOLLOW SANTINO & THE SHOW • SANTINO IG: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ • WHISKEY GINGER IG: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #NickSwardson #SwardNation #AndrewSantino #Reno911 #GrandmasBoy #HappyMadison #StandUpComedy #ComedyPodcast #PodcastClips #ComedyClips #benchwarmers ========================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS MONARCH USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY TO GET 50% OFF THE FIRST YEAR! https://monarchmoney.com SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP GET 10% OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT! https://hims.com/whiskey ===================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey, Jeter fans? Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, and it is a great day because my special is out. White Noise, available on Hulu. Check it out, please. Go check out White Noise on Hulu. Spread the word. Tell everyone you know, appreciate it. And also, I'm on tour, Halloween weekend. I'm going to San Francisco, the punchline. Then I'm going to be at the Brea Improv, the Tempe Improv, which I've never played. ASU, I'm coming home at the Horseshoe Casino in Hammond, Indiana, November 22nd. Then I'm at Hanover, Maryland, at the Hall, at Live, the Borgata in January as well, the Harris Valley Center, which is basically San Diego, end of January. Then we're adding, Vegas is coming up soon and a few more dates.

We go to Andrewsantino.com for the tickets, Andrewsantino.com. Please enjoy the special white noise on Hulu. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You are that creature in the ginger beard Sturdy and ginger Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse Ginges are beautiful You only $5 for the whiskey

And $75 for the horse Ginger's all hell no This whiskey is excellent Ginger I like gingers Ladies and gentlemen Welcome back to Whiskey Junior My guest today's one of my favorite people

On Earth and say that for all my guess money And me once again today It is the return of Nick Swartz and Swart Schwartz and Swart Swart Swart Swart Swart Swart Swart Swart Eat Me Eat me out. Minnesota's finest Nick Schwarzen is here

and he's promoting his new YouTube channel Sward Nation. Yeah, Sward Nation It's really exciting. So I've got all my old stand up, all these old clips, and then I'm going to talk about drinking a little bit on the show today because I'm sober, sober

Kai. But I'm going to, thank you, I'm going to tell some funny stories about drinking, but on my channel, I'm going to post a clip about serious kind of my perspective on drinking, which is a little bit more serious. So, if I'm too lighthearted, just know that I don't think

alcoholism is hilarious. It's got some funny moments, but just so you know, that's it. That's my time. That's my wrap it up. We're all fucking dead. Well, you have some funny moments. I mean, you almost died. You went blind. You're diabetic. Yeah. Yeah, I got a trifecta.

Three for three. Yeah, and I was asking you, first of all, I'm still fucking pissed off at Andrew. What did I do? I brought it up to your friend Bob Lee. I don't like that guy. Yeah. That you guys squeezed me out of the Family Feud episode. They did an episode of Family Feud.

Let me just say right now, Family Feud is my favorite thing on Planet Earth. Family Feud will fucking solve the world. It will. It's fucking great. It's all people from all different areas. laughing, having a good time. Steve Harvey's hilarious. Show me, Swatson.

And they did an episode, and I wasn't on it. And that's really sad. And you know who's that's really to blame is Robert E. Lee. Bobby Lee said, we don't, we have too many people. We can't use Nick. And I said, okay, then you're going to have to explain to Nick why we couldn't use them. Because you were supposed to be on our team, dude. Okay.

By the way, we lost a flavor, flave. Couldn't be more embarrassing. We lost to flavor flavor. Oh, my God. You shouldn't lose to flavor flavor flavor at anything. Well, I don't know, man. He's a great rapper. Is he?

No, you're right. I don't think we know what the word great means then. We'll be right back. Chuck D. Shout out Flav of Flav. We loved you, Flav. No, we lost. Here's the question.

How annoying is this? What do you do at night that you regret in the morning? And so give me your top three answers. Nick, what do you do at night that you'll regret in the morning? Meth. Yes. Crack? Mm-hmm.

Um, homeless three-way? Yay! That's it. That was top three. No, I said, we said, uh, drinking right at night that you regret in the morning. We said eating bad food, like eating shitty foods. Yeah. And then we said, hooking up, like one night standing that you regret in the morning, right?

Okay. Legitimate answers. One night stand was not up there, which doesn't make sense to me. What was up there was exercise. Watch the fucking episode. Who in the world? Flav got that right? No, they didn't.

Jesus. We tried to steal and we lost on hooking up. But exercise, who exercised that night that goes, fuck, I'm going to regret this tomorrow? That's not a real thing. I don't know. So America misheard the question, I bet, and thought, what do you, what do you not do that you regret in the morning? And it was probably exercise. They meant, I don't, I didn't exercise yesterday, so I regret it tomorrow.

Well, I don't even know, what is exercise? I don't I'm lost We're not going to knock out that diabetes First of all Second of all First and second First and second

First and second Third of all I was not far off Because a homeless three-way Is a one-night stand Yeah And crack and meth Can be considered food

Well crack is No no no Meth is food Crack would be An appetizer Yeah that's like a shrimp cocktail So Flay would have gotten

A lot of those Yeah Flav would have gotten Flav 1, though. Shout out to Flav, him and his charity. I met all 19 of his kids. Were you with us? You weren't with us. He brought all of his kids. In fact, two of his children, I'm not exaggerating. There was probably 12 kids.

Two of them met for the first time behind Family Feud. So you're right. Are you serious? My hand to God. They met for the first time. They even said, come down, God. Wow. The one kid even goes, I never met him before.

And I was like, who? And he's like, my brother. And I was like, what do you mean you never met him before? He's like, it's the first time we're meeting. Oh, my God. So flavor of flayed, like you said, family feud, bringing worlds together. There we go. Bringing worlds together.

I swear to God, I'm obsessed with family food. So that's my second favorite show. It was me and my wife's first, but now we're back on, we've gone back to Triple D. Speaking of which, we're having Guy Fierry on diners, drive-ins and dives. You out of your fucking mind, dude? I don't know. I don't exercise. That I know, dude.

Those shorts aren't selling it. Yeah, they are. They're nice. No, triple D. Who is that with Guy Fart sandwich? Guy Fart Sandwich. Guy Fireball. He's the best, dude.

Guy Fierry's the man. I heard he's great. I've never met him. He's coming on bad friends on Thursday, and I'm very excited. Aren't they doing a biopic about him? I heard that's in development. One of my buddies is, I think, writing it. Is it biopic or is a biopic?

I always say biopic. What do you say? I think it's a biopic. It's a biopic. It's a biopic is the same way of saying, it's like saying... Well, Bob Lee says biosexual. Okay, he's biosexual. Yeah, you're right.

I think it's a biopic. Maybe it is biopic. We don't know. What? I found pronunciation for it. What is it? Biopic. It's biopic.

Yeah, it's biopic. Biopic. Yeah, we try, if you trust the robots. I just went across four lanes of traffic in my buddy's Tesla on the way here today and on autopilot, and it made me fucking pure panic. It freaked me out. What do you mean? What freaked you out? Does it know?

Like, it knows, but does it know? when to go because the human crossing over four lanes of traffic does a thing of like like we kind of know timing a little bit better so he was behind the wheel yeah but the autopilot was on and he just I didn't never even see he wanted to show me how autopilot he was like crosses four lanes yeah yeah well I mean but it did work do you go into driverless cars that's one thing absolutely not no you mean like the waymo yeah absolutely my brother does it and he goes it just prevents drinking and driving And I'm like, A, calling Uber, is that what Uber's.

But you can also, if I'm fucking hammered, I'm getting behind the fucking wheel. I'm going to be like, hey, yeah. Hey, robot. What's this, dude? Totally. Please get outside of the cockpit, Nick. Please remove yourself. Eject, eject.

Chew-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-you-z-you. Oh, one thing I was going to ask you is lighthearted drinking talk. Give it. Remember I asked you, and you didn't give me the answer, danger cities. So, and this in the comments, we were just talking about, if you're a drinker or even trying not to drink, what cities are red flags? So I give you the option of what's more dangerous, Vegas or New Orleans. Vegas for me all day. I say New Orleans. Why? I don't know, man. Every time I've, like, maintained in Vegas, New Orleans, I've been like, holy fuck, time travel, like vomit in my hands, throw it in the air, shit. That's a real thing. I did. Like confetti? Yeah.

I mean, like LeBron winning something. But, yeah, New Orleans. But, yeah, Vegas is dangerous, too. Why is it dangerous for you, a gambler? I am a gambler, but Vegas is dangerous drinking-wise for me because there's so many options, there's so many places to go continue to party. That's my problem. New Orleans, I feel like you can party, but it's kind of all the same.

You're going bar to bar to bar to bar. But Vegas, you can, like, go to a show. You can go physically do a thing and then go, drink there and then go somewhere else, then go to a bar or restaurant, then go to another thing. There's too many options to get fucked up and it just begs you to keep doing it. Where New Orleans is like,

it was just bar to bar to bar for me. Like Vegas, yeah. Yeah, but Vegas has everything you could ever dream. You're going, getting shit-faced at Cirque de Soleil. Yes. Then you're getting... Dinner and then you go to dinner and then you get fucked up. Then you go gambling, get fucked up. Then you go to top golf and you get fucking hammered. Yeah, there's too many things

to do. Too much to do to get fucked up. Because you need one activity to get drunk at and that's good enough you don't need and then we go here and then we go here and then we do this and then we go gamble and then we go to a show it's too much that's too much and by the time the night's over

I'm fucking well you would just sit at the bar all night I can sit at a bar for a long time New Orleans I don't know I just there's something like in the air about it that's just you don't know if you're going to get fucking boo-dood and shit a cobra you don't know what's going to happen and like you can find some real interesting

bars live music I don't know I get fired up in New Orleans. New Orleans is great. Also, the weather is better for go out and drink and party. Vegas, half of the year you can't walk around outside. So you're not drinking. It's awful. Yeah, you're sitting inside. Also, New Orleans, too. I remember there was a bar on bourbon. This is about 25 years ago. And I used to be the Barks Rup beer boy. And that was in New Orleans beer. Were you really? Yeah, it was like my first gig when I was like 19. But they had a bar and we would drink till 6 a.m. I don't know if this is still. Somebody can check me on this. There was a bar. You drank until

6 a.m., and then they would hose it down on the floor, and then they would be back at 7. So then we would go to this Clover diner, it was called. So from 6 to 7, we would eat and then we would just go right back. Hose the floor down from all the vomit and shit. Or just, I don't know, the smell. Smell of humans.

Yeah, I mean, it's not the, I mean, it's not like somebody dropped their flowers. And it's like, oh, it smells too good. Yeah, it was fucking vomit. But I mean, that was one of the craziest things I've ever seen. And yeah, Vegas is like that, too. You can go off the strip and see some shit. Some dark shit. Yeah, you can drink with Well, I did back in the day, Billy Bonnell, and I went out one night, and we were on the way to the strip club and Greg Santos, and I made them pull over so I could throw up out of the car, but I didn't want to get out of the car.

So I just opened the door and threw up, and he was kind of like rolling, just in drive, just rolling, because he was like, it's splashing back in the car. Yeah, totally. So he was just rolling, and I had the door open. I'm throwing up outside of the car, and you look behind, it was like this beautiful trail of vomit for like 20 yards, too. But I made it. I still went to the titty bar. We were fine. We were good to go.

And it's like Hansel and Gretel and Gretel, you could find your way back. That's how I found my way home. Yeah, kids, you know what? Sometimes vomiting isn't bad. You can find your way home. All right, what about cities that you tour to that make you... Okay, that was another question I had for Andrew, where...

And you can't say your hometown. Because Minneapolis and Chicago, that's your hometown. Like, those are... Yeah, obviously. So what was yours? Cities that I tour to that are dangerous for me. Boston. Boston is probably one of the worst cities for me because I know

I know what I'm going to do. Every time I do the same thing, I go to the North End, I get good Italian food, I start drinking there, and then I hit up every single bar I can. And honestly, that place, it begs you to, and then you get late-night Chinese food, and you get cold tea. Do you know what cold tea is? No. You don't know about this? If you go to Chinatown in Boston, I don't know if they still do this, but you ask for cold tea after hours when you're eating, and it's beer in a teapot because they can't serve, but they just will put beer in the teapot, not out on the table. Oh, that's amazing.

Cold tea. So if you ask for cold tea, they'll give it to you. certain places in Chinatown, but that place wants you to black out. It cannot wait for you to, especially when it's cold outside. Oh, man. It's the greatest place to drink. Do they have a tea breeze? They have a tea breeze

for guys like you, they do. Sweet little princess. Tea breeze. Can I get a tea breeze? Yeah, that was... Boston. So this last tour I did, Toilet Head, I'm editing this special now. It'll be out on YouTube, hopefully before the holidays. So I did the whole tour sober. I've never done that in 30 years. And I

had five days off in Boston. And that was one of the things. I looked at my calendar, and I was like, Hello, darkness. And I did it. I powered through, but that was the city that... What did you do in Boston on your days off? Let's go to the park?

Just right, man. Like, I've just been writing. I, like, I've got four screenplays I'm finished, TV pilot. I'm just gangbusters just trying to... Because people, you know, are always... Especially right now, there's fucking no comedy. It's really horrifying. It's weird.

Like, I saw seven movies in the theater this year. so let's say five trailers before a movie 35 trailers none of them were comedy yeah none they were all and then the streaming services yeah it's all horror movies yeah because comedy doesn't translate worldwide so streaming services are like you know whatever but so i'm just gangbusters writing which helps if you're quitting drinking fill your time with anything just try to like you know just do things that occupy things that you you're not going to the bar you know what i mean you're thinking about it just even if you're not a writer i don't fucking when you're alone going to the book do you when you're alone on the road now and you go to the bar and just to hang and not have a drink? Yeah, I can hang in a bar. I can sit at a bar.

See, I couldn't do that. Yeah, there's a lot of people that can't do that. I have a weird wheel for. It feels like I go to a restaurant and I can have, or usually what I do if I don't want to drink and I'm on the road,

in the hotel lobby, I'll go eat breakfast and I'll drink coffee until like three or four in the afternoon. Like I'll just sit there through breakfast into lunch just having coffee and writing or listening to music or something.

Right. Well, I mean, so I wouldn't like saddle up to a dive bar. all day and not drink. But a nice bar. I would say, I would go to a bar if there's a game on. Like, I can sit and watch a game and not have to drink. I can drink bottle water or iced tea or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ice tea is the go-to, or Diet Coke's. That's not great, man. Is it not good for you? It's spoiler alert. Diet Coke's are not good for you? Does that answer your question? No, do you, Andrew?

They're fine. many doctors that say there's no evidence to suggest that. Dr. Covorkian? Yeah. That's one of them. Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee. Robert E. Lee. Dr. Dre? Dr. Bob Lee. Dr. Scholes. He said it's fine. Dr. Scholes. Dr. Scholes. Dr. Pepper loves it. I know that. He's all on board. Google this. There's no evidence to suggest yet. It says the effects of diet sodas are subject to an ongoing debate. While they contain those calories or sugar, they do contain artificial sweeteners and other ingredients that of potential health implications. We just don't know them yet. We'll see them down the road. Well, and it's,

It is ongoing, so they're right. That's how up-to-date that thing is that you looked, because this is literally ongoing. This is ongoing. So I survived Boston. Another thing, and this is one of my favorite things on tour that I really loved, is the cities that you wouldn't think. Like, let's say New York City, I could not do, I could not drink in New York City. But like Springfield, Missouri, there's a club called the Blue Room, which I love. It's one of my favorite clubs.

And I have fucking, one of my things I used to do, I don't know if you would ever do this, I would just stay after a gig. You can't really, but I don't really have any overhead. I don't have kids or a wife or anything. So I would just fucking stay for a week. And people would, I would go back to the bar, be like, move my flight. And then they'd be like, no way! And then it was just game on.

I would do it all the time. I remember one time I did a college in Miami, and I stayed for three weeks. I did one college gig And me and my friend Patrick Keene It was my opener I love Pat King He's really funny He's Chicago

After like two weeks in He goes Hey man What are we doing What's going on And I'm like What do you mean I was Peter Pan

And he's like Yeah we're still here But I would do that all the time I would just stay Just stay for a week Yeah Fuck yeah What are you doing

What is Paul I did the improv there And I stayed for like Two or three weeks Just like going Just get hammered We just hammered every day Bar Hop, love it.

Just nothing else. I'm not glorifying alcohol. No, but it is rad. But did you ever have those? Was there a city that like snuck up on you where you were like, whoa, this is funner than I thought. Well, yeah, yeah. I've had a few where I've stayed. Well, Madison is like the biggest crush I've ever had.

Madison is a city where like I feel like I, you get inundated with the booze at some point. You're like, I could move here. I could fucking move here. That's a really funny one because I've done that. several times. Why couldn't I move here? I could buy a house here. This place is rat. Well, yeah. What's it? I'll rent a place. Let's do it.

I've thought about that many times. Yeah, and Madison, we went out on the lake and the girls let us borrow their jet skis. And I was like, this is the greatest day I've ever had in my entire life. Like, Madison, to me, every time I go, feels like fantasy town because it is a college town.

Yeah, I mean, that's a big drinking town. It's just bars and food and hanging out. And it's just, and when it's the summer and the lake and you're like, this is I so I have stayed extra days in Madison just to fuck around just because I was like you know we love them you know they're great the family that owns the club they're such good people like and I enjoy the staff so like that's probably the most

I have the most relationships at that club of any club I've ever played right like I'm friends with these people we communicate all the time yeah but all the other clubs I don't really have that I never had that with anybody else like Denver maybe a little bit for a while comedy works Denver altitude though get too fucked up the amount of time I've had to have people remove one of my first night's headlining a guy had to get removed

because he he was like nodding off and then he threw up all over the place yeah he just got too fucking ripped but high these guys are getting too high not too drunk like most people at comedy works in the basement they're drinking but they're ripped out of their fucking mind yeah it's too yeah they're bonkers you never really loved getting stoned I don't but I take edibles so when people talk to me and I'm like they're like oh you're sober now I'm like no I'm technically I'm not sober I don't drink right now But, yeah, I love edibles. I take them at night.

You just don't like to smoke pot. It's too immediate. Like, at least some people argue that edibles, they don't like that because it hits you, like, really slow. And then all of a sudden, you're like, whoa. But I kind of like that because if you know how much you're taking. Yeah. Like, if you're eating a rogue cookie, like, back in the day, my roommate was still a good friend of mine, Zach Alfenakis. And he would make cookies and brownies.

And we, you know, like, you know with edibles, that's been talked about a lot. that's the wild west when you're eating a brownie good luck because you don't know so if you regulate it but um yeah i just didn't like just being like yeah man this is fun no no like i just like i can't vibe with that and i remember um i ran into be real on the sunset strip from cypress hill yeah the man and he was like

he was like hey what's up man he's a big grandma's boy fan and they wanted me to do it open for them at house of blues for cypress hill that night no no no this like There was some show they were doing. And I had a panic attack because I was like, oh, no, I can't. And I don't think I could because of my tour, but I was like, oh, no. And he was like, oh, shit. And in my head, I'm like, dude, if I do a Cypress Hill show and then, like, it's me on stage from Grandma's Boy, there's going to be joints.

I've done music festivals where people are throwing joints. We ever had that or no? Oh, yeah. Yeah, drugs have gotten so many drugs over the years. It's fucking crazy. And then I just had a panic attack, and I'm like, I just couldn't. If I'm, if I go from not smoking weed to a fucking blunt at a Cypress Hill concert, dead.

That's like, bye. I, all the sudden. I don't like smoking in circles with people that I don't know either. I get really nervous now at this age. When I was younger, I didn't care. Right. But like, I don't know how many years ago it was, but I went to go see Toots and the Maytales. Do you know who that is?

No. Toots, reggae band. Toots was awesome. But the woman I was working for at the time, she knew them and was like, let's go backstage. And I was like, fuck yeah, let's go backstage. We're there at the Hollywood Bowl. We go back there and I was like, this is amazing. like we're fucking here and then they were like you know do you smoke weed and I was like yeah

yeah absolutely and I'm thinking oh shit I have to smoke weed with a reggae band like I'm yeah that's horrible I'm fucked of all people's but this is a bad idea so I'm smoking and I keep having to hit it and even when I was like no no no I'm good thank you so much and the guy's like no no no no no and I was like fuck I'm getting like bullied into smoking and I was fine for a while I was like I'm high but this is cool and everyone's nice and it's a good vibe but then someone asked me a question about comedy and I was like I have pee and I just fucking absolutely bolted the fuck out of there I was like I have to piss gone forever I disappeared my boss was like where do the fuck did you go did you get lost I was like

yeah I met up with somebody I ran into an old friend but I had that moment of like I'm gonna say stuff it's not gonna make sense and I'm so fucking baked and they're gonna all look at me weird oh fuck for hours so I was like I'm gonna piss and leave yeah I'm gonna piss is my exit strategy that's a good one I was gotta piss and then I leave that's a good one no one ever cares they're like maybe you want to argue that where do you where do you got to go I have to piss. I mean, diarrhea. You can get out of a funeral. I have diarrhea right now. I'm shitting right now. No one's going to argue that. I was like that when I went to see Wham live and then we went backstage and they offered me a penis. And I was like, I'm good, man. You weren't

hungry? I was just didn't. I was like, ah, no. Once I do that, I'm going to be paranoid and whatever. So I just like, I have diarrhea. Which Wham member was it? You remember? Yeah, it was all of It was all of them. They all on their dicks out on that page. It was, yeah. It was great show. No, I don't like smoking with strangers now. I'll never do that again. I don't even smoke weed like I used to anymore because I'm, like, I'll have a little bit at the house. If it's just me and my wife watching a movie, yeah, I can do that. But I cannot do parties anymore. You don't like look at her and go like, why the fuck am I here, man? What even is this, dude? Who is this? Who is this lady, dude? Who is this lady, man? What does she want for me? What do you do in my house, man? And then all the sudden, you like, Smoke a couple more, and then it's Flav or Flav.

And you're like, oh, my God, I married Flav or Flav. And he's like, eat me out. Yeah, let's see. You don't want that. In here, we pour whiskey. Here to tell you about Monarch. Monarch is built for people with busy lives. You put off organizing your finances.

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What's a town Because I did But like I said My whole tour Sober And I went to a lot of towns I'd never been to before And so I was like

That was one of the hard things too Is I was like Oh man I could fucking Rip If I was drinking I would rip this fucking town What city?

Was there a town? I mean like even Like Chattanooga Tennessee Oh that is Chattano is great I was like I could rip this Terry Town New York

Super random And small I think they I mean people from Terrytown probably know if you it's like a Norman Rockwell painting but I'm like oh they have a couple like little bars I'm like oh I'll tell you what I got lost when this is great my my buddy Chris O'Connor um he took me back to Connecticut to go like we were going to hang out see his family so we were driving back home from a gig and he was like we just crashed at my mom's house

and I was like okay I was like no problem and it was Super Bowl this is crazy it was super bowl Sunday the next day and my flight it was just pouring snow and I my flight was in the morning was getting delayed and then i was like dude this fucking sucks i know it's going to happen i'm never going to make it home for the super bowl like this is going to get all fucked up and o'connor was like let's go to like a little pub in town and let's just like wait it out and see what happens in the morning we go there we start getting absolutely bombed and i did that thing where it was greenwich by the way old greenwich connecticut and i did that thing where i was like i can move here right now like the snow was falling soft i was hammered outside

on the phone i was telling my wife i was like it's maybe just stay for two more days. Two more days. Who cares? And we just drank all day. And then we went and got pizza for the Super Bowl. This is the fucking dumbest thing. We got so hammered at the bar. We went and got two large pizzas. Went back to his dad's house. And we lit a

fucking fire. He had like a huge we lit a fire so big. And we opened up the flu, I'm sure. But the fire sucked out all the oxygen. We fell asleep. I passed out to the whole Super Bowl. I didn't see one piece of it. Oh, my God. I was a hammered. I fell asleep in a lazy boy chair and we woke up to the fire like crackling down. The game was over.

I missed the whole fucking Super Bowl. Yeah. Because of Greenwich. But Greenwich is a small town where you're like, it's quaint and tiny and sweet and cute, but it's very like old school. It feels like you got off the ship after a long shift. You used to go get shit-faced at this tiny little pub,

low old ceilings. Those are my favorite. Yeah, that's the thing. That is the thing about alcohol where it can turn a situation that sucks. Pretty fucking sweet. Pretty rad. You know what I mean? Right away.

That's the thing where you're like, you're stuck at like an old bar and you're just like, oh, my God, who's that fucking weirdo? Like, where am I? What am I doing? My flight's delayed? And then you just are like, I'm just going to rip it. And then you have four cocktails. That guy's name is Mark. He's staying with you anytime it comes to L.A. Fucking the owners, you're taking pictures. You got a t-shirt. It's like all the sudden, it went from fucking hell to fucking Barnea where you're just fucking this is the greatest thing ever. It is kind of fun. I've done that a few nights where you're like, I'm going to start buying people drinks and you befriend the whole bar. I did that at Jimmy, what is it, Margaritaville in Tennessee outside?

I had, I fucking lost my mind at Dolly World. We got into a fight, Bob and I, I went to Margaritaville and I was like, I'm just going to have lunch by myself. I turned off my phone. They couldn't get a hold of me. And I started getting hammered. And then a couple comes sits next to me.

They're newly married. I'm like, buy them a round of drinks. They're dinner. I'm going to buy their dinner. And then like the guy next to me starts chatting. And he's like, I'm a big fan. I'm like, give him whatever he want. I was buying the whole bar.

I was like, the king of the bar. When you do that, you're like, this is the greatest feeling in the world. Yeah. I think I work here now. It is king status where you're like, a whole new world. I'm a leader. What is this margaritaville? Where is your leader?

Where's the strangest place you woke up? You told me one. Oh, God. Well, wait, I just remembered another story. This is one of my favorite moments. So I was on the road, and this is why I love meeting people at bars. I do too. Like, I have the best time. And so

this is a true story. I was leaving, I believe, St. Louis, and I was flying to Denver. And I had a 6 a.m. flight. And I had pushed it. I always push it to the limit where... 6am is fucking gross. It's brutal, but I had to show that night. So I couldn't miss it. Yeah, you had to go. So I'm like,

okay, 6 a.m. Here's my logic. I go, I'm going to go to the airport early. Okay. And I'm going to sleep at the airport. No, it's so dumb. So I go to the fucking gate. go to the airport at like 10 p.m. And I go, hey, I'm checking in. Woman's like, your flight's, you know, tomorrow.

And I go, I know, can I just sleep on the floor by the gate? And she's like, no. No, you can't do that. I'm like, really? And she's like, yeah, no, it's all, no. And I'm like, okay, fuck. So she goes, there's a Marriott connected to the airport. I believe it was St. Louis.

So I'm like, okay, so I go to the Marriott. I'm like, hey, I just need a room for the night. And they're like, we're sold out, oversold out. And I'm like, are you serious? I just need one room. It's our closet. I just need to lay down. And she was like, no.

And I'm like, oh, my fucking God. So I go to the bar at the hotel, and I'm sitting there, and there's two couples. And they go, are you next, Swartson? And I go, yeah. And they go, what are you doing? And I literally got my bag and I go, I'm homeless. I go, I don't know. And I told him the story.

And they go, wait, where are you flying to? And I go, Denver, 6 a.m. And they go, we're on that flight. And I'm like, no way. They're like, do you want to crash in our room? And I go, fucking, yeah. They're like, we don't have a bed. You just sleep on the floor?

I go, are you serious? They're like, yeah. I'm like, let's fucking go. And then I just bought drinks. We got hammered. Then we all woke up at like 4.30. You were in bed down. You woke up in bed.

No, no, no. I woke up on the floor. They'd put a blanket on me. I don't even know if I had a pillow. I just slept on their floor. I don't care. And their names were? I don't remember.

Fuck, Nick. It was just like a magical. Mark and Erica. Did you see them? in the morning on the plane. Yeah, then we all went to the airport and got like breakfast sandwiches. They didn't come to the show? No, they were like, they were going through Denver. Oh, that's usually the great when someone's like, you meet someone cool and you're like,

come to the show. Of course, it didn't open invite, but it was like the best experience of just alcohol bonded us. I woke up underneath the pool table in... Like that wouldn't have happened at a salad bar. No. You know what I mean? It wouldn't have been like, is that Caesar? Where do you find you? I woke up underneath the pool table in Billings after doing whippets all night with locals. Jeez. That was a tough night.

I got too fucking high and drunk and then we were doing whippets and then That's a brutal hangover. Yeah, it was bad. I felt like shit. I woke up underneath the pool table because I think I saw, I sought shelter for some reason. I don't know why I went under there, but we were there way too late into the night. It was like a local, it felt like someone's house.

You know, there's a dive bar somewhere that it's like, is this some guy's house? They're like, it's a bar. Oh, yeah. This is a guy's house, right? Like, I'm just at some guy's house. Right. Or you get in the dangerous place where you're like, all of a sudden it's last call at the bar.

and then you go to somebody's house. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, wait, wait, where the fuck am I? Like, that's happened. I got my car towed in Costa Mesa. I went to do a show and it was a bunch of Marines or whatever, you know, the base is right there. And I got invited to go to their apartment complex and a fight broke out. And then I tried to get in the car and drive back to L.A.

And I got pulled over in the apartment complex. Oh, my God. And the cop was like, this was 15 years ago. And the cop was like, you drink in and driving. I was like, no, I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to get involved with this, like, a huge fight broke out in the courtyard. It was all these, like, army kids. And he was like, well, you're, you're fucked.

Like, if I found out you've been drinking, you're going to fucking jail. And I don't even know why the hand of God, this woman helped me. This other cop comes out and was like, she's like, what's the deal? Were you fighting? I said, I swear on my life, you can ask you anyone I wasn't fighting. The male cop walks away. He's giving me the whole, like, you're fucked. Like, you're absolutely fucked.

I'm going to make you blow. You know that, right? And I was like, fuck, dude, I'm going to get a DUI. and she's like if you weren't fighting if you're not lying to me I won't give you DUI but if you were involved at all in this fight you're going to jail

she goes around and ass and all these guys were rad they're like no we're at his show he's fucking rad he was not in the fight like they were all standing up for me and I was like I told you and she was like okay good well look we're going to tow your car it's parked illegally you have to find a way to sleep over here for the night you're not going to drive home

so I go up to all these like marines and I was like can I sleep over can I sleep over and I just met these guys they're like no no we got and then one dude was like you're a comedian I was like yeah he's like do you sleep in my house man and this guy let me sleep on his fucking floor and then he drove me drove me the next morning to get the in laguna to get my car out of the fucking tow yard one of the sweetest kids I wish I remember that fucking guy's name but he helped me to fuck out we drank all night we just sat in his apartment

and just drank yeah and I was like my fucking girlfriend's gonna kill me because it was her car her car got fucking tell I was like she's gonna be so fucking mad and she called a hundred times and I was like I'm not gonna answer I'm just not gonna answer because She'll be like, where are you? I was drinking and a drive and I'm sleeping at an army guy's house. What the fuck was I supposed to say? What?

I got so lucky I didn't get it to you. I mean, I don't know why she wanted to help me, but she's like, if you were not involved in this and she goes, I will let you go. But if I find out that you were even remotely involved in this fight, I'm putting you in jail right now. It was, dude, I don't know why she wanted to help me, but the guy was like, you're fuck.

He was like, in my face. He was like, oh, I'm going to make you blow. You're going to fucking blow. And I know you're blown over. I can smell it. And I'm, like, trembling. I'm 26, and I'm like, Oh, please don't kill me.

I fuck, dude. But by the way, if we're going to be serious for a second, no. Never drove again. Oh, yeah. Never, I never, I'm not kidding. After that ticket, I never got into a car, unless I had, like, one at dinner, okay?

But I'm saying, when I went out drinking, I never got into a car ever again. Yeah. And did, like, the fucking. It's the worst thing you can do. The people, anybody that drinks and drives in this day and age is like. It's really stupid. Well, it's too convenient.

It's so, I mean, it's stupid anyway. But now, dude, you can get any, it's so easy. It's really crazy that anybody would get a DUI. But back then, it was, in L.A., especially, it was like, well, we have to drive. You're like, I got to get home. How am I? I don't know. There's no other way to get home.

So I started, like, I would sleep in my car, like, in the backseat. Oh, I've done that. Which is still illegal, but it's like, it's better than getting behind the fucking wheel. I don't, why is that illegal? If the keys are not in the ignition, it's okay, right? I don't know, because if you're blacked out, you're all of a sudden, you know. Yeah, you might, you might have drove. Yeah.

So I got out of, I got kicked out of the city of Laguna. I had a police escort. True story. I was staying at this resort and I would do this thing. I was back in the day when I was making all this money, I would pay for everything. So all my friends, I would go like, hey, let's go to Laguna, go to this resort. I'll get the hotel rooms like fucking eight rooms. And we would just rage the whole weekend.

I mean, Thursday to Monday, game on. So this resort is the second time I had been there. and they there was like it was three in the morning and my buddy had slammed the door really loud and that that hallway

was right by the front desk so this manager was like had it with us right we were like we were just we were pretty wild so he's like no so he comes to the room he's like out

all of you out and I'm like okay so I thought he meant just the room so he grabs me and he knew who I was and he was like you and all your fucking friends out of this resort now

I called the police so yeah two stories there's eight of us so the police show up they're like hey what's going on then they see me and they were like and it was funny for them because they were like really Terry from Reno 911

this is like 20 years ago they were like seriously I'm like I'm really sorry I go we just it was an accident he slammed the door I go we're really polite people just were partying and they were like well they filed a complaint they called us we you have to leave the city

and they're like are any of you at all sober and one of my friends Big dude, he was like, I mean, I probably drank the least. They breathalized them. He was a notch below legal. So they were like, okay, well, we got to escort you out. And we're like, what do you mean?

And so they, no, my friend had an SUV. So we piled in, eight of us, piled in an SUV. They fucking drove us to Irvine. And went to a holiday inn. And they went to a holiday inn and the police walked in. They're like, do you have availability? And they're like, yeah, we have, you know, we have like three rooms. And they're like, okay.

And I paid for them. We all just crashed at the holiday in. It was like three in the morning. Kicked out of a laguna is so rad. Kicked out of a fucking city. Police escort. So, pretty stoked about that. Those are dangerous days.

But we didn't drink and drive. Still didn't drink and fucking drive. No. Yeah. No, my buddy was legal. And it's funny because where we come from, we were talking at breakfast about Midwest shit. Because in the Midwest, there's like, it's just a cuss.

Nobody thinks about, like, everybody drinks and they all drink and drive. They literally all. drink and drive. Like, every one of the Midwest does that. If you live in the rural, if you live in the city, no. But if you live in the rural areas, everybody drinks and drives. And Wisconsin, look this up. I think we talked about this. There was

like a record-setting amount of DUIs, this guy or this, maybe it was a lady had. Because in Wisconsin, there was no, you know how it's three strikes you're out here? Like, if you get three, your licenses like indefinitely suspended. Wisconsin, for the longest time, had no limit on DUIs. And there was some... You get promoted, I think, after

four. Yeah, you become president. They call your job, You're like, this guy's got balls. You're the president in Wisconsin. Move him up. Wallace C. Bowers has 18. 18. 18. The guy is cruel.

18, what? 18 DUI. Oh, that's one human. One guy has 18 DUI. I guess this guy from Minnesota has gotten 28. Yeah, motherfucker. Well, you guys don't have a limit? Yeah, dog.

That's so embarrassing. Minnesota. 28. Oh, my God. Did you Google who has the most DUIs in the United States? This guy is named Bobby. Bobby. Danny Betcher.

Oh, you betcher. He has 28. and he just died. Let's give it up for Dan. How did he die? Let me guess. Let me guess. Sea breeze.

What do you have? A topo chico? A couple too many topos? He died of heartache. He died at his home of natural causes. Well, yeah, you naturally died of drinking too much. Yeah. That's natural.

Naturally, this would happen. Yeah, your liver naturally exploded. Yeah, naturally you just die. Well, that's also a shout out to Brooks Wayland. We were just talking about our friend Brooks. I saw a clip of Brooks addressing that where he's like, and that happened to me, too, because being from Minnesota and Brooks is from Chicago.

Well, he's from Iowa, but yes. He's from Iowa, so Midwest. It's ours. But he said that when he moved to L.A. and he was drinking socially, people were like, whoa. Like, what the, you know how much you just drank? And he was like, yeah, I was like drinking on the way here. Like I, you know what I mean?

I'm paraphrasing this bit. But essentially that's where people, when I would go to bars in L.A., or even like, not even San Diego or stuff like that, people would be like, what in the fuck, man? And I'm like, that's just how I roll. Like Midwest, and people in the comments can leave, like, you know, East Coast is like that. I mean, even the South, it's just certain places where it's not a subculture, where it's like, it's just part of the drill. Right.

When you wake up, you know, especially, you know, if you don't have to work or something, you just go to the bar. Yeah, well, it's also. You drink all day. You drink all day because it's, and also brunch. Brunch is a thing in Los Angeles. Brunch is a big thing. But brunch in the Midwest is we're going to get tanked. Brunch here is like people want to go out and be seen and hang out.

In the Midwest, you're going to get absolutely fucking annihilated. It's not, it's not, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's to drink. People here go to have brunch and they don't really drink. Brunch in the Midwest means we're going to get fucked up. Brunch out here means we're going to have a late breakfast. Yeah. That's, it's so funny because when I go home, my sister's like, brunch. I'm like, no, dude, I can't today.

Well, chicks, chicks are into brunch, a bottomless mimosa. Yeah, but my sister, my sister can. fucking party. He's party with my sister. She's Midwest. She's like, let's go to brunch. And I know what she means. She wants to get fucking ripped. She wants to get ripped into the night and then me pay for a fancy dinner.

Usually what happens is she's like, do you want to go to a Michelin restaurant while we're hammered? I'm like, fuck, yeah. That's what he should really experience a thousand dollar meal. It is in a full blackout. Honestly, it's actually fucking funny. It's actually the best to show up wasted to a nice restaurant. I mean, I've done that. Your expectations

of being, like whenever you go sober to a nice restaurant and you're like you expect you just like are expecting so much and it always kind of let you down a little bit you're like this was good I guess but when you're hammered and you walk in late wearing whatever you wore from earlier in the day right way funnier it's way more fun of a night meanwhile Andrew when he's talking about his restaurants he's talking about Panda Express when he's disappointed in the meal it's because yeah look at loan me some money dude please and maybe I will Sebastian what maybe I will have you been to these Restaurant.

I love him, dude. He's like one of the greatest guys alive. Sebastian did one of the craziest things. When he was first starting out, I remember there was a room in Vegas. It's a quick story, but... What was the room? Beecher's Madhouse.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And people would do stand-up, and it was a big, crazy variety show. Tell them about Beechers in L.A. Beechers in L.A. is, I think, at the Roosevelt. Is it around still? I don't know. They used to put little people...

Beecher's Madhouse was a wild show at the Hard Rock in Vegas. And it was a variety shows that have sword swallowers, you know, little people doing... There's little people on track lines on the ceiling and they would pour shots in your mouth. Yeah, it was just a wildest show. It would start at midnight. But they would have stand-ups,

and I never wanted to do it. Jeff Beech was a good friend of mine. Yeah. But I was like, this isn't like a stand-up vibe. So anyway, long story short, Sebastian did it. And the crowd was unruly and they weren't listening, but he was so funny. And he just kept his cadence like,

Ross, dress for less. You ever got, and then people started listening and then he ended up killing. Of course. And I was so proud of him. It was such a great set. The kill in those Vegas rooms are impossible. That's like to incorporate.

It's so fucking hard. It's agonizing. I just did Vegas sober. I'm at the Venetian. I have a residency there now because the Mirage. They fucking tore down. I'm so sad. Sad that the Mirage is gone.

I know. I love the Mirageon's still good. Venetian's great. They're phenomenal. Yeah. But it's funny. So I did, the last time I did it, it's sober. And Vegas, when you're not drinking is wild.

You got to fly in, fly out. Well, you're just like, you look at people and you're like, am I in, like, the bar in Star Wars? You know what I mean? You're like, whoa. Like, people are just like, and you're like, whoa, get me the fuck back to my room. It's just... It is, it is, it is, it is bad.

Especially if you're at... It depends on what level of hotel you're at, too, because as you go down, they go wilder. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like, I did the, I did Kimmel's Club when it first opened. Have you ever done that? No. I've never done a club in Vegas.

I don't know if he has a club there anymore still. Brad Garrett had one. Laugh Factory, I did that. one time. Comedy cellar, right? That's newer. Yeah, the seller I've never done. Because you do like a week.

I think you do literally the whole week. No, no, no, no. No, no. But I remember doing the Laugh Factory for the first time, Dara, and you get to eat in the bowels where the staff eats, like in the basement. And it's like a buffet in the basement. And it's the saddest, dude, it's... A buffet of what? It's just rats.

Just little rats. Yeah, a little tiny rats. Old band-aids. It was the saddest fucking thing, dude. Band-aid marinera? It was so sad, dude, and I remember thinking, I hope I never have to do this ever again and eat with the fucking staff,

but I couldn't really afford to go out to eat, so I was like, I'm going to eat the free meals. I don't care that it's in the fucking basement of Vegas. That will make you sad, though. That will make you go, well, the Vegas is the worst, this is the worst city in the world. You're like watching the staff eat in a windowless basement marinera bandades,

and it does something to your psyche where you're like, I should quit comedy. This isn't really working out. Yeah. I've done that. You should. I know.

I do. You should. This is it for me. That's why I'm here. Everybody, Andrew. I want to quit. Trust me. Get me the fuck out of this shit.

We just talked about retiring in 60. You're done. I know. That's why I don't tell people I'm going to quit. I'm dumb, done drinking because I don't know. I feel like later on in life because, you know, I'm not going to get into the Key West shit, but I lived in Key West for a year and a half, Florida. And then I saw people that were just.

super happy and they were just old they were old like retired people and they were drinking and seeing live music and like that felt really nice that is the way to go well we i said this the other day we said it at breakfast but i said this the other day we were sitting on the campfire drinking at my mom's house and i said i know that this is going to take years off of my life they always say like drinking and smoking takes years off your life in the latter half i'll lose my 90s to be able to have nights like that still i don't fucking care right fuck my 90s fuck my late 80s i don't give a shit. So someone's like, you could have lived till 92. Don't want to.

I'll lose the fucking 12 years and die at 80 if I get to keep having fun with people I love. That's significantly more important to me. Yeah. Because my grandmother got old. We talked about it. My grandmother got old and 92. Miserable. She was alone. She couldn't even have, all her friends were dead.

Her sister died and she was like, I wish that was me. She was miserable. That's one of my favorite quotes ever, your grandma's saying her sister dying and like, I wish that. It was me. I mean, yeah, we were talking about, like, I mentioned Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers documentary. And there's a really poignant, heavy moment where, can you look up how old Joan Rivers was when she died?

She lived a long fucking time. Yeah, I think it was 94? And she was really sad and saying she misses her friends because she's so old that she has nobody to relate to or nobody to reminisce with. Yeah. And there's nobody to share stories. And it's really heavy moments. me when you said that. There's no one left to share stories with. It makes my heart hurt

because you're like, you can see people like my grandmother. We could visit her. People would go all the time. I mean, she almost saw someone every day. But like my grandpa was dead long time. She's still alone, even though people are coming over. And there's no one to share stories with of like, remember when we, like me and

you, I could be like, remember when we got fucked up and da-da-da-da-da, Barney's being rude. They're gone. You can't. And you can't relay that to someone who wasn't there. Be like, me and Nick used to black out Barney's. Yeah, you can't even... And nobody gives a shit. Before the robots took over. That's what

it's going to be. I feel like Bob Lee will be the last person alive. Oh, he'll live all of us. That would be amazing. He's like 200 in a padded room, just like just laughing and talking to the wall. The robots are just zapping his little penis.

Another blowjob, Bobby? Beepoop. Boop. Yet another blow job, Bobby? Beep poop. Joan was only 81. What? No way.

I don't feel like she lived in her 90. She just looked 16. I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about what's her name. I'm not thinking Joan Rivers. I'm thinking of fucking... Betty White? Huh? Betty White.

She lived to be 90-something. No, Betty White was almost 100. Yeah, she was 99. Oh, see, that's where I was thinking of. She lived a long time. Why did Joan Rivers? I feel like Joan Rivers lived so long. Maybe because her career was so rich for so long.

Like, she would... I think she made. made it when she was young, right? I mean, she first did Carson. She was, what, 20? She had to been 22, 23. Well, she was born in the 30s still. She was born in 1933.

Oh, she was? Yeah, she died in 2014. She was maybe in her 30s when she did Carson. But she looked so young when you saw her do Carson. Do you ever watch her on those clips? Oh, yeah, she's amazing. She was so fucking funny. And honestly, like, you could tell the time when a lot of those male comics would go on there or male personalities.

And they would kind of shit on her being like, oh, yeah, a little lady comic coming to the show. and she would fucking annihilate everybody. Yeah, she would bring the heat. She was so much quicker than everybody. But they kind of, of course, at the time period, they were like, you got a little chick comic on the show and a fucking little lady comic? What is she going to do?

That's how everybody talked. She made her first appearance at the age of 32. 32, yeah. In 1965. But think about that, 32 back then. And how many other female comics? As a woman. As a woman on fucking the Tonight Show?

Impossible. 32's very young. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she was probably one of the first big female stand-ups. 100%. Yeah, because I don't know. No, no, she was.

I don't know if there's anybody that even preceded her, but I think, like... Yeah, I'm trying to think of who even preceded her. There were people around her later in life. They were performers

that came up. But I guess then you got to get into the world of, like, cat skills, like a lot of people that were singers and talkers. Yeah. Does that count too?

People that did, like, the run, you know, in the cat skills and did, like, what are they? It's like music and also... Like Vaudeville? Vodvillian. Like George Burns and Gracie Allen.

Yeah, so that kind of is the similar. But she's more traditional stand-up. Yeah, she's like a stand-up. Who is, give me your, give me the most overrated stand-up of the past from your like, like, who do you think that people always love? I don't want to do that. Come on. I just don't.

Who did you never like that everybody liked? How about this? Who did you like that no one liked? That's even better. That's easier. Who did you always, who you're like, I can't believe this person was never more famous because they're so funny. I don't know. There's no one that didn't blow up. I can't think of that nobody liked.

Not that no one liked that just never got to the level that you think they should, that they deserved. The older I got, I realized there's a big difference between a great stand-up and a great actor.

You know what I mean? So like, let's say there are comedians that are great comics and then people go like, yeah, why don't they like a massive star? And it's like, well, some people can't be that. Some people don't know how to transition of like Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler,

Eddie Murphy, you know what I mean? That skill set is so different. It's super hard. So there's certain people that like a guy like Brian Regan isn't a major television film star, phenomenal comic. Such a great comic. And been great forever. Yeah. But it's like, so I don't

see that as like, oh, he never made it because he's a fucking millionaire, great stand-up. I've had fun with him. You know what I mean? So like, that's my take on that. Yeah. He's a bad boy. He likes to drink. The whole thing of like, they never made it, you know. Well, they made it. It's just they never, people want to see them in the other world, too. No, they didn't fucking suck you off, is what you're saying.

We went out with, cut to Bob Lee. We went out with Regan and Boston and got, no, Philly and got fucking smushed, and his buddy fell up the stairs at the fucking bar. And the bouncer comes up. He fell upstairs. And the bouncer came out to me. He goes, hey, man, I'm a big fan. I was like, thanks. He's like, but your buddy is not going to be able to stay here long. I was like, all right, it's not my buddy. It's our buddy, but is it cool if we just sit him down and have him, like, water? And he's like, yeah, dude, but if I see booze going near that guy, you guys are fucking out of here.

Like, when we can, he was like this at the front. Yeah, that's the word. And Regan was like holding him like, chill, dude, be cool. Hey, chill out. Chill out. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, drink the water. Drink the water. That's what he said.

And then poor dude, he was walking upstairs. It's his face planted going up. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, look at Ricky! Oh, no! Rucky! Okay.

I love Brian. He's the man. Big time. He's the... In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. Want to talk about it because you should be talking about it. Right?

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Ginger. I like genders. Oh, you mentioned Barney's Beanery. That was a place I used to drink a lot. I've dragged with you up, Barney's. Beanery before. West Hollywood. Rest in peace, Barney's Beanery, no more. No, it's still there.

So I'm at the bar and I'm drinking with all the old timers. Yeah. And some young people, but like a lot of older. And we were just regaling drinking stories. And we were regaling like, you know, heavy drinking and, you know, just, you know, whatever.

And there's a guy in the corner and I didn't know what this guy was. And so we were talking about like being hospitalized and blah, blah, blah. And this guy goes, hey man. you ever you ever see the guy with the knife

and the top hat and we were like what do you mean did I tell the story I'm here? And we're like what are you talking about he goes

you know and you're going through withdrawals and you see the guy with the knife and the top hat and we were all like yeah man

I don't you're talking about drinking right no no I don't see that one and the guy fucking wouldn't let it go he's like the guy with the knife

and the top hat in the corner yeah you know what I mean and we were like yeah No, we're good. Never seen that guy, man.

It was like, I'll never forget that. The guy, I don't know what this guy's seen. What the fuck he was drinking? No, we're not pouring up. We don't have a fire hose of nail polish remover in our asshole. Like, what? What's going on here, guy? You're going through the trawls, man.

And he was obviously getting cooked again. It's not like he was sober. He was getting fucked up again. Oh, yeah. No, he was not so Barney Weaver. I do like the guys that get sober and they go to the bar and they just sit and drink water because they miss that place. Well, yeah, that's the thing about, like, social drinking.

I just, I liked being at the bar. It's not that hard to sit at a bar. I mean, for me, it's hard. It's all different, yeah, I mean. I don't think I can go to a bar and not have a, I can go to a bar that's like a hang, that's like a restaurant too. But if I go to like just a bar bar bar, I can't. But what if you go to like, so you couldn't go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch a football game?

No, I can because that's a restaurant. Right. But if it's just a bar bar, right. Where it's, but I mean, I have friends. We talk about that, like a dive bar. I'm not going into like. But I have friends that go to those and they can, they can, they can, do it. I'm a little jealous. I'm a little jealous of them. I just want to be able to do that.

I'm like, why can't I... Want to go with them? Make out. I'm not going to make out with anybody. Yeah. I mean, it's so weird. Yeah. You're fucking... You're fucking... I hate you, dude. I really kind of hate you. Just a little bit. How funny would be if Andrew died tonight. You say that. I know. I want my buddies to do that. You're going to regret that, dude. I know. Because not I'm going to die. Or... My friend from Chicago, director, he was... would do this. He was a big drinker and

he rode a motorcycle and he would do this. He wasn't wasted, but he would have drinks and then he would get on his bike. And his favorite thing to do is pull away and go I'm going to live forever and drive away. He was a comedian and he's so awful.

And he just was like, if I died I'd want that to be my last words and he would do it. So dark. Comedians are dark people. He's alive though. He's totally alive. But it was like, and this is a long time ago. What do you want your last words did they? Who let the dogs out? Smart. I think

everybody's. I think everybody wants that. You think that's everybody's? Yep. Better be. Or I quit. Comedy. When are you going to be on the toilet head? Toilethead, hopefully will be out, which I recorded Minneapolis at Princess Club, First Avenue. Whoa. Yeah. I'm the only comedian to ever do a special there.

Not many comedians have even done it. It's a famous legendary venue. All the bands have come through there. It's iconic. But wait, why do they, Why did they let you do it? Did you put in a request for it? I hit him up and I was like, hey, because I've, like, so there's two comedians on the wall. And this is a legendary wall.

And it's me, I have a star, and Dave Chappelle. Whoa. But it was cool. It was a really fun experience. And I'm being from there, it's like iconic. Did Prince come? Did he show up? Yeah.

He did. He opened. Yeah, he opened the show. He ripped, huh? And closed. And featured. And I actually, I didn't. My way, I wasn't there.

I did my little special in Minnesota And I told you when I was going to do it I was excited to do it Pantagious And it was rad It was like so much The first night I just

I was like Things need to be changed That was a thing I learned about specials Again that I forget Because I don't I'm not like People do them every year I do them every like four years

Or five years Yeah it's But I forget about How much tech is in Versus a regular show So I was like These lights need to be fucking Gone

There were so many lights. It was so well lit. And I was like, they don't want to see each other. Right, yeah. And I was explaining to one of the people, I was like, it looks beautiful what you guys did. But if they're looking at each other and cognizant of like the person laughing next to them, it's not going to be as fun. They wanted to

be this like, this little secret, this little like, they're in on it together. And then once we changed the lighting package, it was so funny how it made, the second show was like a literal world of difference. You were like... It's way different. I mean, and people can leave in the comments. When you go to a comedy show, you don't want it bright. I

I make sure that's one of the things as dark as you can because, yeah, you don't want to... I love when somebody goes, when someone's not familiar with and they're like, isn't it too dark out there? You want it pitch black. If it could be pitch black

with them seeing just you, perfect. If it's not distracting for them getting up and fucking knocking into other people, I was like, it's the darker or the better. Because whenever there's a little bit too much light,

you can see people's faces and they're looking around at other people. It's the weirdestest fucking thing. Yeah, it's really weird. People don't want to see other... I think the psychology is people don't want other people to see them laugh

because people are conscious about how you look when you laugh. Some people are self-conscious about their laughter. And some people, like, don't want them to know that you think something's funny that might be inappropriate. That's why... And then I'm curious also in the comments, do you think a comedy show is a good first date?

I'm always curious about that because in one sense it gets out that like okay I can know where this sense of humor this person like where they're at like what they think is funny because it's like that with movies like my movie grandma's boy that I did I have people go like

oh this chick I dated hated the movies so I knew this wasn't gonna last because it wasn't we didn't have the same sense of humor right so I'm just wondering if that's like that was stand-up I it's gotta be right like I went on a first date once to a stand-up show and was so like it was so nice

because she suggested it this is before like I did did stand up and she was like we should go to see a comedy show I was like oh this is amazing that means like I know she's she's not going to be uptight if I say some out of pocket nonsense right she won't be like oh my god who is your first show Bob Lee

my first stand-up show was Pablo Francisco oh wow how crazy is that that's not even that old Tempe Tempe Improv oh yeah it was when he was like cruising this was 2004 no

2003 Whoa. Yeah, 2003. Yeah, it had to be that. Yeah, that had to be right. Because he did... You say not the long ago, but isn't that great? That's 20 fucking years ago.

I know. My first Comedy Central Presents was 2000. So my first Comedy Central Presents, which was my first half hour special, was in the year 2000. 25 years ago. So I did the math, not complicated, but 25 years from 2000 was 1975. Holy shit. So if I met a comic in 2000 and they're like, oh yeah, my first month. special was 1975. That would

sound like a fucking so long ago. And it's so horrifying. It's only because the 2000s seemed to have like bled together for some reason. They've all bled together. That's my obsession right now. They've all bled together. Pablo Francisco, though, is just a banger of a comedian. He was back then too and

was one of the strongest comedians of all time. He killed so fucking hard and I remember the whole show was the whole show was as much energy as one person could possibly distribute. He was fucking unreal. Yeah, it was crazy. And we bought the CD afterwards and he signed every CD back when people used to sell fucking CDs. No, it was

a, um, oh, it's at my mom's house. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. What is it? What was Pablo's, uh, oh, it was his, it was 2000 and... Is it self-titled? Maybe it was self-titled. Maybe it was Pablo Pits and pieces? Bits and pieces, that's got a bit. Okay. What year was Bits and Pieces? I'm pulling it up. Or was it sausage in 2000? Needed the groin was in 97. Saucid was in 2003, Bits and Pieces, 2004. Well, maybe it was 04 then. Whatever he had just put out,

because I was a sophomore in college. Freshman or sophomore? But we went to the Tempe Improv, and what's crazy about that is, I'm playing it in like a month, and I've never played it. But I went to ASU, and every time I went back to Arizona, I played everything but the Tempe Improv. That's so funny. And now when I go back, I play the theaters downtown, but I was like, I'm doing a club run,

and my agent was like you want to go back to stand up live or whatever the fuck and I was like I've never played the Tempe Improv I kind of want to play it's a great room I can't believe I've never fucking played it I did my first I cut my first album there you did party was a Tempey Impro no shit when I started that there were

like five clubs that were game over murder factories of awesome and Tempe Improv was in the top five for sure well there it's it's surrounded by all the right elements I mean that's cool well every time that's another one Every time I go back to Arizona, I want to drink as much as I can.

Really? The desert does something to me, dude. Desert nights drinking. Weird. We used to sit on the roof and drink on desert nights and jump in the pool. Oh, come on, dude. It's the best. No.

You don't like desert drinking? No. Don't. No. There he goes. I got to go. No. No.

No. No. I don't like drinking in dry heat for some reason. Doesn't bother me. It's so nice at night. In the pool drinking. Do you like summer or winter drinking? Winter. Way more. Winter, winter's king.

Right. Getting fucked up in the snow is my favorite thing in the world. Okay. Why is that? Do you, were you born in an igloo? Try it again. Why? Were you born in an igloo? That's good. I like winter drinking. Hey, Andrew, was your dad a snowman? Mark Snowman.

Oh, were you born on Christmas Eve? Is this going to be in toilet head? what do you like you like summer drinking more um i think winter drinking is the best i'm gonna say fall drinking you got football it's a little crisp it's not tits up cold and it's not summer hot sweat fall dude a good a good october bender you know what i'm saying start the first and you go right into halloween squeeze in about four five NFL games and then fucking let's go dude you got a jackalander up your asshole then you're fucking fucking blowing Dracula

game on worry sand okay let me bring you to that we'll go to the comments what blowing Dracula yep how many vampires no um favorite holiday to drink

favorite drinking holiday and why this is tough I'll step in with mine yeah which yours I'm gonna say honestly with all the components I'm going to say Thanksgiving.

No. Because the biggest bar night, in Minneapolis at least, was the night before Thanksgiving. The bars were fucking out of control. Everybody would go out because they had the day off the next day, and all you were going to do is have food made for you, and the food was bomb. And it was, that to me, I always love that.

Then you would take a nap and then go out drinking the night of Thanksgiving. My favorite drinking holiday has got to be the 4th of July. Yes. Yes. You know why? Why? because I love America. I love

fireworks. I love hot dogs. My dad withdrew a party every year, a big rager. And also, I moved to Los Angeles on the 4th of July, so it means something to me. Now, I'm being genuine. It was like I moved here, I literally got in a truck and moved to

L.A. and I got here on the 4th of July, and fireworks were going off, and I was like, I'm in L.A. Yeah, but don't you think this? Because I love 4th of July, too. The only thing about L.A. that's way different than the Midwest is fireworks and, like, how crazy and wild it gets. It's insane. I've never found a Fourth of July.

I've had cool, like, Fourth of July is here, but the Midwest is like, you go to Wisconsin, you load up on fireworks, and then it's fucking Armageddon. Back it up, Terry. Yeah, it gets insane. Everybody's almost ready to, like, light their arm on fire on the Midwest. Wicked dangerous. Yeah, it's very, but I just love drinking on the fourth because it's just, I don't know. I feel like everyone is so much nicer and happier on the Midwest.

the 4th. Christmas is kind of stressful. Christmas, not a fan. Too stressful. Not a fan. 9-11 is kind of fun. Kind of fun to drink. Well, it's a holiday. It is a holiday. Unless you forget. I never will.

What about? Wait, hold on one of my favorite Fourth July moments is David Spade used to have this house in Malibu on the water. And it was awesome. He got rid of it. Loser. So he's having a Fourth July barbecue. It's just like maybe five or six us and i had gotten roman candles so we're shooting roman candles off on the beach and uh towards

the water and all of a sudden we see this person and it's a private beach there's you know there's probably 25 houses on but this guy's walking down the beach towards us and there's like this kind of glow there's like this little kind of glow on this guy and it was a cigar so the guy gets closer and i'm like oh my god that's fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger and he this one he was governor so me and david are sitting there with roman candle and Arnold walks up and he's like, oh, guys.

And we're like, hey. And we kind of know him, like his son Patrick, his friend of mine, but he was in benchwarmers and stuff. So Arnold's like, knows David. He's like,

oh, David. And we're sitting there with fireworks, which are illegal. But we're just shooting him at the water. But he goes, don't you know fireworks

are illegal? Ha, ha, ha. And then walked away. Walked away. I was like, yes. The governor did you, right yeah that's pretty amazing

Arnold don't you know fireworks are illegal oh ha ha ha then we heard a clicking sound behind him was invisible Terry I love you Terry one of the best characters skate out my boner and then his head fucking

went crazy he goes a T200 yeah I still I mean I love fireworks they're really fun they're so much fun I just don't like how we do them here I think I think here they get set off for like five days after 4th of July, you're like, that's enough.

Well, and we have fires, so it's like horrific. Chaos. Yeah, it's really horrible. That's one thing I'm kind of bitter about Wisconsin is that growing up, fireworks were legal, and they had another bar, they had an extra hour of bar time. Yeah, and so you guys in Chicago would have, some bars would be able to tell four. Yeah, we have four of bars. Fucking last call, some bars would be 1230.

What? Oh, yeah. That's insane. Because bar time was one. So, like, if you knew the bar ten, you could drink until four. one. But sometimes, someplace would be like, you know, quarter to one, they'd be like, yeah, wrap it up. Really? Oh, wow. Which is a catch-22

because it's, you know, you'd go home. I mean, you could still drink at home, but... Yeah, but you'd also get as hammered as you could before you had to leave. So it's almost like you're drinking way more than you need it to. Yeah, then you pound it out. Or you drive if you were really like needed it, you would drive to Wisconsin for that bonus hour.

Bonus hour. Scani, you could drink at 18 for a while, or if you're accompanied by an adult, you're allowed to drink at restaurants. Yeah, you know what it is now? You can drink in Wisconsin. Eight. Eight. Yep. They lowered the drinking age to eight.

That's good. And you can drive. Well, because you can work at eight now in Wisconsin. Yeah. Get yourself over the cheese curd factory. Yeah. Go get some curds. Some cheesy curds.

Some cheesy curts. Some cheesy curts. God, that sounds scary. Cheesy curse. It's even cheesier. Nikki, your special will come out eventually. I hope the kids watch it. Yeah, check out my YouTube channel.

Check out his YouTube channel. Go to Swart Nation. And go check out. Nick is on tour right now. He's going to be going to Poughkeepsie. He's going to Des Moines. He's going to San Antonio. Oh, no.

We're planning your tour now. Tallahassee. That's horrible routing. What are you going back? That's horrible routing. What are you going back out? I'm not going back out for a while. I'm trying to get back on camera.

So I'm developing this pilot, trying to get this movie off the ground to shoot this year. Do I have a role in it? And then, yes, I'll find something. I'll find something for you. No one wants to hire me. Are you okay with playing Bob Lee in a biopic? In a biopic? An a biopic. It's got to be by.

In a biodome. The whole cast is by. Yes or no. Two by guys on a bicycle? Yeah, I'll do Asian face for you. Okay. Just get me some tape. Yep.

Go to Nick's YouTube channel. Go to Sward Nation. At Sord Nation on YouTube. One of the funniest guys alive. I love you. And thank you for coming again. And look in that camera and say one word or one phrase and the episode. This is how we do it.

In here, we've been. Poor whisks, whisky, whisk, whisk, whisk. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell now.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.